Talking to Teens Teasers: Recent Episodes
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We often place our romantic relationships above all else–just look how many new dating apps are invented every year! We pledge to love each other until death does us part, assuming that our perfect soulmate might be the only person we’ll ever need. And although love, marriage and the baby carriage can bring us plenty of joy, we sometimes forget about a tried-and-true source of support and kindness–friendship.
Unfortunately, we often treat friendship as secondary, when we should be doing the opposite. Our friendships tend to outlast those romantic relationships…even when we thought that love was forever. Plus, having strong friendships has been linked to higher self-esteem, greater levels of empathy, and an overall increase in quality of life. This especially true for teens, who are still learning how to forge strong relationships of all kinds.
So how can we encourage teens to make more friends? We’re asking Marisa Franco, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. Marisa is a professor at the University of Maryland who writes regularly for Psychology Today. She’s also been featured in media outlets like the New York Times, NPR, and Good Morning America!
In our interview, Marisa and I are talking about why our culture stopped valuing friendship–and why we need to start prioritizing our friends again. We also discuss tips and tricks for making new friends, and how traits like authenticity and vulnerability can lead to deeper, more satisfying friendships.
Microaggressions, intersectionality, gendered language–all these concepts are floating around the internet and even coming out of our teens’ mouths, but what do they really mean? We know that teens shouldn’t be racist or sexist, and that it’s important to treat everyone equally, but is there more to the discrimination discussion than just telling teens to be nice to others?
The answer is yes–If we want teens to create a better, more equitable society, we have to educate them on the nuanced reality of discrimination. Not only that, but we have to teach them how to actively fight against it!
To help our kids become warriors against injustice, we’re talking to Tiffany Jewell, author of the New York Times #1 Bestseller, This Book Is Anti-Racist and The Antiracist Kid. Tiffany is an educator who has been working with children and families for nearly two decades! Her work focuses on anti-bias and antiracism education for kids and teenagers everywhere.
In our interview, Tiffany and I are discussing the difference between race and ethnicity and explaining how you can help your teen discover their own intersectional identity. Plus, how teens can deal with microaggressions from both friends and strangers.
We all know what it’s like to get caught in a negative cycle with our kids. They break the rules, we crack down, they retaliate, then the whole thing happens over and over again. All we want is to keep the peace, but it feels impossible when teens constantly test our boundaries and nerves!
The truth is, it’s not easy to implement discipline and still maintain a positive relationship with teens. We want to set rules, but we don’t want teens to think we’re suspicious of them. We want to maintain authority without being a tyrant. How can we keep our close bond with teens while enforcing the rules?
To find out, we’re talking to Darby Fox, author of Rethinking Your Teenager: Shifting from Control and Conflict to Structure and Nurture to Raise Accountable Young Adults. Darby is a child and adolescent family psychologist with a private practice in Connecticut. She has over 20 years of experience working with families, and is here to help us take a new approach to our communication with teens.
In our interview, Darby and I are discussing why we need to understand our kids’ mindsets, why parents should rethink the sex talk, and how we can enforce discipline without sacrificing our relationship with our kids.
Teens these days are expected to have everything figured out by the time they finish high school–which is a nearly impossible task. Even though they're only taking their first wobbly steps into maturity, it seems like they’ve got to have their college major, future career and financial life plan all worked out by the time they turn 18!
Needless to say, they’re going to need a lot of help if they’re going to make it out there in the real world. As parents, we want to assist our kids as they transition into adulthood–so how can we help teens start making smart career decisions when they’re still living under our roofs? Is there a way we can prepare them to go into adult life with their best foot forward?
That’s what we’re asking Tamara Raymond, author of Careering: The Pocket Guide to Exploring Your Future Career. Tamara is a certified leadership coach and career strategist with over 15 years of experience helping people become their best selves! Today, she’s helping us see how teens can get a headstart on career development before they reach adulthood.
In our interview, we’re covering how teens can start discovering their passions and how they can build a professional network with resources they already have! Plus, how parents can guide teens through job and internship applications–and help them handle rejection.
We all think differently–it's what makes our world so wonderful to live in. We each have unique opinions, perspectives and ideas to bring to the table!
We often chalk up these differences to our individual upbringings or life experiences–but what if there are fundamental structural differences within each of our brains that change the way we think? What if our brains aren’t one size fits all?
These are the questions we’re attempting to answer this week in our interview with Chantel Prat. Chantel is a cognitive neuroscientist, internationally renowned speaker and professor at the University of Washington! She’s joining us today to discuss some powerful ideas from her new book, The Neuroscience of You: How Every Brain is Different and How to Understand Yours.
In our interview, Chantel and I are breaking down how the left and right hemispheres of our brains affect our behavior differently. We’re also discussing why some teens are motivated by reward, and others by punishment. Plus, how each person’s brain operates in a unique way and why it matters.
Preparing kids for the responsibilities of adulthood is one of parenting’s most critical challenges. Although kids officially become “adults” at 18, the journey to adulthood starts long before then. Teens are figuring out their values, career, love life and identity as they move through puberty and high school!
For parents, it can be nerve-wracking to watch as kids attempt to handle the challenges of growing up. When teens are wracked with self doubt and insecurity, it can be hard to reassure them that they're ready to take on new responsibilities! If only there was something we could do to help them enter maturity with confidence and security…
This week, we’re talking about a special ritual parents and kids can complete together to signify the beginning of kids’ journey to adulthood. We’re talking to David and Steven Arms, authors of Milestone to Manhood. Our first ever father-son guest duo, these two men are here to tell us all about a ritual that takes place in their family whenever a boy turns 13–and how you can use their model to create your own family rite of passage.
In our interview, we’re discussing each element of their family coming-of-age ritual, and its significance. Plus, how David and Steven use this rite of passage to have important conversations about everything from faith to sex, and how you can plan a coming-of-age event for your own kid.
For centuries, food has brought people together. Whether we’re preparing a holiday feast with the whole family or grabbing lunch with an old friend, there’s something about cooking and eating together that creates a connection between human beings.
But sometimes we lose track of the value of sharing a meal–especially when it comes to daily family life. After a long day of work and school, it’s easy to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and sit your kids in front of the TV while you go upstairs for some much-needed peace and quiet.
Although it can be hard to find time for family dinner and even more difficult to muster up the energy to cook a meal, food can be a great way to connect with your kids. Cooking together provides opportunities to teach valuable life lessons, and sitting down for a meal can bring laughter, bonding, and essential communication. If you can find the time to cook and eat together, food might just bring your family closer than ever before.
To help us get the spices flowing and the conversation going, we’re talking to Caroline Clauss-Elhers, co-author of Eating Together, Being Together: Recipes, Activities and Advice From a Chef Dad and a Psychologist Mom. Caroline is an award-winning psychologist and professor at Long Island University, Brooklyn. She teamed up with her chef husband to write this book full of fun ways to incorporate food into family bonding!
In my conversation with Caroline, we’re discussing the important practical and philosophical lessons kids can learn from cooking.Creating delectable meals is a great way to bond with our teens, and provides a unique space to discuss fun and serious subjects.
Your teen might have the perfect life plan–become class president, get a basketball scholarship, and go to the medical school of their dreams. But no matter how put-together your teen is, they’re likely to encounter plenty of obstacles on the road to success. They might not make the school basketball team at all, or maybe they’ll receive a rejection letter from the college they swore they’d go to
If teens let these challenges bring them down, they might not reach the future they’ve envisioned. But if they’re resilient enough to push past hardships, they may find that all of their dreams are entirely possible!
Building resilience is no easy task, however. That’s why we’re talking to Kate Lund, author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Life. Kate is a psychologist and life coach with over 15 years of experience helping people of all ages overcome hardship.
In our interview, Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain resilience from learning to manage their emotions. We're also talking about how teens can stay motivated, and why teens need confidence and courage if they want to strive for greatness.
When a loved one is seriously ill or passes unexpectedly, there’s no easy way to tell our kids. While we want them to know the truth and feel supported through any grief they might have, we don’t want to freak them out or say the wrong thing. This is particularly true when it comes to teenagers, who typically don’t want to talk to parents about anything–especially intense emotions.
But talking about death and loss can be immensely valuable for teens, especially after a tragedy. Opening up a conversation about grief reminds teens that their home is a safe space for difficult feelings. For teens who feel like they’re mourning on their own, having a parent to turn to can make all the difference.
Today we’re talking to Dr. Elena Lister, co-author of Giving Hope: Conversations with Children About Illness, Death, and Loss. Elena is a psychology professor and practicing psychologist. In her work, she specializes in treating people who are struggling with grief. She also travels to schools to help kids deal with the loss of teachers, school staff or other members of their community.
In our interview, Elena and I are covering why conversations about death are so essential, and what we can say to support teens who are working through the loss of a loved one. Plus, how you can help teens who don’t want to open up about their grief.
Today’s teens are at risk of major stress overload. On top of managing their grades and competing for spots at exclusive universities, they’re battling the onslaught of a recession and a world battered by a pandemic. They’ve also got to navigate a complicated digital landscape! With phone notifications going off every five minutes demanding their attention, it’s no wonder teens are chronically stressed out.
You may have heard of some stress relief methods for kids, like yoga, journaling, or taking long walks...but do they really work? Do teens need to go to therapy to feel better? Should they quit their extracurriculars to make more time for relaxation? What could possibly give kids the stress relief they need?
The bottom line is, stress isn’t one-size-fits-all, and neither is the solution! If we want to find out how teens can de-stress, we’ll have to learn more about how each teen’s body processes stress in the first place.
To learn more about the nuances of stress and possible solutions, we’re talking to Dr. Doni Wilson, author of Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health. Doni is a doctor of naturopathic medicine, a certified nutrition specialist, a bestselling author and an internationally renowned speaker! As a clinician, Doni focuses on stress recovery–specifically the regulation of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
In our interview, Doni is breaking down the body’s stress response and how it affects everyone differently. We’re also discussing how teens can take some steps towards de-stressing, and how we can spot a teen that’s overwhelmed by stress.
When life gets stressful and busy, convenient processed foods can be an easy fix. If you’re already late for work and your teen is scrambling to get out the door in the morning, frozen waffles or fruit loops are suddenly much more realistic than scrambled eggs and fruit. When you’re exhausted coming home from work, it can feel impossible to do anything more than throw some pizza rolls in the oven for the kids and pour yourself a glass of wine.
But these processed foods aren't just slightly bad for your health–they can be downright poisonous for you and your family. The refined sugars and lack of nutritional benefits in these convenience foods causes serious damage to the digestive system and contributes to the development of metabolic diseases like heart disease, diabetes and more.
If we want to take care of our kids’ health (and our own), our families have got to start eating better. To learn how, we’re talking to Dr. Robert Lustig, author of Metabolical: The Lure and the Lies of Processed Food, Nutrition, and Modern Medicine. Dr. Lustig is an Emeritus Professor of Pediatrics in the division of Endocrinology at the University of California San Francisco. He lectures globally about health and is the best selling of several other books about nutrition.
In our interview, Dr. Lustig and I are covering the surprising science behind our sugary diets–and why it's so essential that we change our eating habits. Plus, why our families should be consuming more fiber, and why today’s kids are so addicted to junk food...
It’s time for the talk. You know, the big, nerve-wracking one you’ve been putting off for years. The one you know you have to have before kids reach a certain age, but you’re afraid it’ll be awkward and you won’t say the right thing. The talk essential to your kids well-being and chance for a bright future…..the money talk, of course!
Chatting with kids about money isn’t easy–there’s a lot to cover. It can be uncomfortable, and kids don’t listen half the time anyway. Plus, you might feel like you don’t know enough to give teens the right financial advice to prepare them for adulthood. But if you ask most people the thing they regret most in life, it’s their bad money choices as young adults. If we don’t teach teens how to handle money, they might end up making huge financial mistakes that could have been avoided!
To help us raise money-smart teens, we’re talking with Kathryn Tuggle, co-author of How to Money: Your Ultimate Visual Guide to the Basics of Finance. Kathryn is the editor-in-chief of herrmoney.com, an incredible financial resource for young women! She produces the HerMoney podcast, and co-hosts its popular mailroom segment, where she answers questions about finance. Kathryn’s book is a rich mine of financial advice for young adults, and she’s here today to share some of the highlights.
In our interview, Kathryn and I are discussing the basic financial topics parents should be discussing with kids. Plus, how to teach your kids to manage money and what we can do to help them save for big purchases like cars or even college.
Your teen comes home with a less-than-desirable score on a math test. You want to talk to them about it, but the moment you try, they run upstairs, close the door and refuse to come out. When you ask why they scored so poorly, they freak out and maybe even accuse you of calling them stupid…when all you wanted to do in the first place was make them feel better.
Communication with teens is no easy task. Teens have a lot on their plate and their brains are still developing, meaning they can be pretty testy. But there’s a lot of things we might need to speak to them about–sex, drugs college, and mental health to name a few. Open communication would make parenting so much easier, if only teens were willing to try!
To help us solve our communication conundrum, we’re talking to Derek Borthwick, author of How to Talk to Anybody: Learn the Secrets to Small Talk, Business, Management, Sales & Social Conversations & How to Make Real Friends. Derek is a communication expert and certified business coach who specializes in neuro linguistic programming–meaning he knows a lot about how we use our bodies and words to communicate. He’s worked with some of the world's largest companies and lectured in many of Scotland’s most prestigious universities!
In our interview, Derek and I are discussing how you can read a teens’ body language, how we can ask teens questions that don't scare them off, and why we need to focus on emotional rather than logical reasoning when talking to a teenager.
What comes to your mind when you think of a warrior? A sweaty, grizzled hunk swinging a sword around? A brave air force pilot in aviator sunglasses?
Although we might think warriors are battle-hungry and reckless, some traditional Native American cultures have a completely different view. Instead, Warriors are pillars of the community: service-oriented, passionate, and hard-workers who are always ready to give back to those they love. No matter our cultural background, this version of a warrior is something our teens can take inspiration from.
To help us pass on this new warrior mentality to our kids, we’re speaking with D.J. Vanas, member of the Ottawa Tribe of Michigan and author of The Warrior Within: Own Your Power to Serve, Fight, Protect, and Heal. D.J. is a powerhouse speaker for Fortune 500 companies, hundreds of tribal nations, and audiences nationwide. His ideas have been adopted by companies like Disney, P&G, Intel, and even NASA!
This week, D.J. explains how teens can embody a warrior mentality and define their values, vision, passions, and purpose in the process. We’re also highlighting the difference between good and bad growing pains, and discussing how teens can stay focused in a world full of distractions.
Nowadays, kids have 24 hour access to the internet—meaning they can scroll through pictures of perfect models on Instagram, check the ever-terrifying news or log on to a chatroom with random strangers at any time of the day! And while this allows them to connect with others and learn more about the world, it can also lead to an overwhelming level of exposure to everything from cyberbullying to predators. Without parents there to steer them clear of danger, are kids bound to get into trouble?
Not to mention that constant use of the internet–especially social media–can have seriously adverse effects on a kid's mental health. The perpetual pressure to live up to the images of perfection they see online has been linked to sky-rocketing growth in depression and anxiety disorders among kids. And it’s young women in particular who face the most expectations online–the expectation to be sexual without being too sexual, the need to have the perfect body, and the constant fear that they aren’t going to fit in with all their other peers.
So how can we help girls who are struggling with the stressors of being online? We’re asking Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author ofGirls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media. Donna is a science journalist who’s written for Wired, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, and more! She’s also a mom, and was inspired to dive deeper into girls' mental health when she saw how much her daughter was affected by the perils of the online world.
In our interview, we’re discussing how estrogen and the female immune system contribute to the development of mental health disorders among young girls, especially in our modern, media-driven world. Plus, how adverse childhood experiences affect kids into adulthood, and what we can say to help our teen girls feel supported during this stressful time.
Figuring out who we are takes a lifetime. In our teens, we might think we’re destined to become a doctor…only to find out that med school isn’t for us. We might believe we’ve found our perfect match in our twenties, but then discover that there’s other fish in the sea. We might even experience a mid-life crisis and become an entirely new person at age fifty! Identity and self-awareness are complicated and different for everyone.
To teenagers, however, it can feel like adult life is rapidly approaching….meaning they’ve got to figure it all out right away! They might rush into a college major, a relationship, or a big relocation when they’re not fully ready. It can be hard to know what you want for the rest of your life when you’ve only been alive for 18 years! This week we’re talking about identity, awareness and self- actualization, so we can help kids slow down and embrace the process of finding themselves.
We’re joined by Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Scott is a humanistic psychologist who has taught at Columbia, the University of Pennsylvania and New York University. He writes the regular column “Beautiful Minds” in the Scientific American and hosts The Psychology Podcast, which has over 10 million downloads! His work has appeared in The Atlantic, Harvard Business Review, and Business Insider. He’s here to help us define self-actualization–and how our teens can harness it for a happier life.
In our interview, we’re discussing how we can guide kids to develop healthy confidence, define their life’s goals, and access their creativity to discover who they truly are.
Does your kid love sports? Whether they’re sliding into home base or scoring a touchdown, sports can be an incredible way for kids to stay healthy, make friends, and learn the value of teamwork. For some kids, sports can become a way of life, granting them a chance to travel or even bringing in college scholarship money. With so much to offer, it seems like sports are the perfect activity to sign kids up for.
But it turns out that kids’ sports aren’t always the character-building extracurriculars we think they are. The youth sports industry is valued at over nineteen billion dollars, and that money is coming from parents who feel obligated to pay for everything from equipment to sports tourism. Severe injuries from playing too much can destroy our kids' long term health, and the status-driven nature of these sports takes a toll on our families and our culture as a whole! It’s time to take a critical look at our kids' sports teams, and decide if they’re doing more harm than good.
This week, we’re joined by Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports. Linda is a freelance journalist, researcher, former cross country coach and mom to an athlete herself! Her work has been featured in The Atlantic and Runner’s World, and she’s a regular contributor to NPR’s education site MindShift. Today, Linda is warning us about the dark side of kids’ sports, and what we can do to help our young athletes stay happy and healthy despite it all.
In the episode, Linda and I are covering the damaging effects sports can have on families, why the pressure to win is harming our kids, and how we can help teens create a healthier connection to the sport they love...
More and more kids are being diagnosed with chronic illnesses these days–anything from allergies to severe depression. You may have experienced this with your own teen, whether it’s constant trips to the psychiatrist for changes in anxiety meds, or endless food sensitivities that seem to come out of nowhere. In 2018, research revealed that 54% of kids are chronically ill, up from 15% a few years before. This means that chronic illness is growing among young people at a rapid rate…but why?
The answer lies in our guts. We might view our digestive system as having one function–food in, waste out–but the truth is a lot more complicated. Our guts contain the mechanisms that monitor our immune system, regulate our bloodstream and even control our mind’s function! The food we put into our gut doesn’t just affect our digestion…it shapes our long term physical and mental health!
This week, we’re talking to Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD: A Guide to Naturally Reducing ADHD Symptoms in Your Child and founder of the ADHD Thrive Institute. Dana is a holistic health expert who focuses on educating parents about gut health. She helps families understand that a better diet can relieve symptoms for a myriad of health issues among children–including ADHD and other mental disorders. She’s worked with over one thousand families to create better overall health for chronically ill kids!
In our interview, Dana breaks down the function of the gut within the body, and why so many kids suffer from conditions that result from poor gut health. We’re also discussing what dietary changes can be made to heal our guts, and how we can convince our kids to change their diets for the better.
We want kids to be the best version of themselves, meaning that we often push them to their limits. We stack on extracurriculars to buff up their college apps, add in SAT classes, and sign them up for private lessons to make sure they’re the best flute player in the orchestra. Kids only have so much time to make the most of themselves, so they should spend every last moment studying, practicing, and bettering themselves…right?
But what happens when kids suddenly find themselves burnt out? What if with a crazy schedule, they’re not able to focus on their homework or pull out the sheet music as enthusiastically as they did before? Even though we have the best intentions, we can sometimes push our teens (and ourselves) too far past what’s healthy–and create not only exhaustion, but a lack of productivity, creativity, and imagination.
That’s why, in today’s episode, we’re talking about the importance of doing nothing! We’re joined by Alex Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. Alex is the owner of the consulting company Strategy and Rest, which works with companies and individuals to create maximum productivity with shorter workdays! He’s a visiting scholar at Stanford, and the author of three other books about productivity and cognition.
In this week’s episode, we talk all about the importance of taking restful breaks, and the psychological benefits of doing nothing! Plus how teens can benefit from non-work activities like sports, napping, and even playing video games!
We hope to prepare our kids for all of life’s challenges: staying healthy, maintaining relationships, and of course, managing money! The last thing we want is for our adult children to run home to us, bankrupt and ready to live in our basement. We hope that they’ll make wise financial decisions, fund their own lives and maybe even have enough to start families of their own someday!
But money management isn’t something that's typically taught in schools…and there’s no script for how parents should teach it either! Parents have bickered for ages about the best way to set kids up for financial success. Should kids be getting allowances, credit cards and bank accounts? Is it wise for them to get a job while they’re still in school, or should they simply focus on their education?
To give us some perspective from the other side, we’re talking to Erik Huberman, successful entrepreneur and author of The Hawke Method: The Three Principles of Marketing that Made Over 3,000 Brands Soar. Erik is the CEO and founder of Hawke Media, a marketing agency that has worked with over 3,000 different brands! He’s here to share some brilliant ideas about how we can teach young folks the ins and outs of financial responsibility.
In our interview, we’re debating whether or not teens should follow their passion or pick a more responsible path. We’re also discussing how we can prepare kids for the brutal financial realities of life, and why we need to encourage teens’ to think critically about social media marketing.
If you’ve ever tried to change your teen’s mind, you know that it’s nearly impossible! No matter how much you try to persuade them to take harder classes, hang out with different friends or pick more lucrative extracurriculars…they tend to stick stubbornly to their own choices. It can start to feel like you’re going crazy, spending hours of your life begging teens to change their minds–especially when it’s over something serious like drug use or toxic relationships.
This disconnect applies not only in our homes, but our society at large. Our world is more divided than ever, and it seems like there’s no way to have productive conversations about what really matters. Online forums and social media have contributed immensely to this polarization, by allowing us to find people who agree with us wholeheartedly, never challenging our opinions or encouraging us to think critically. In some cases, this can lead people down rabbit holes into conspiracy theories or even cults–and it’s not easy to change their minds and bring them back!
So how can we start up productive discourse and change people’s minds for the better? We’re talking to David McRaney to find out. David is a science journalist and author of the popular blog, You Are Not So Smart, which ran for years before becoming a successful podcast and bestselling book. Today, he’s here to talk about his latest book,How Minds Change: The Science of Belief, Opinion and Persuasion, to help us understand the fascinating psychological process of forming and changing opinions.
In our interview, we’re discussing why it’s so incredibly difficult to change our teens’ minds about anything! Plus, David explains why we need to consider teens’ perspectives before making decisions, and breaks down the importance of peer groups in the persuasion process.
We're 200!!! Well, sort of :)
In the past four years, we’ve covered a lot: dating, drug use, homework, hormones, screen time, sexuality, mental health, race and much more. We have had an incredible array of experts share their knowledge with us, and couldn’t be more grateful to see how our little show has spread to a worldwide community of parents of teens.
To help our newest listeners peer into our archives and remind long-time listeners of favorite gems, we’ve pulled together snippets from our most beloved interviews into a Supercut for our big 200th episode.
We’re so happy to have you here as we reach this important milestone. From all of us here at Talking to Teens–Andy, Virginia, Brian, Priya, and Tancredi–thank you for tuning in. Whether it’s your first week listening or you’ve been here since episode one, we couldn’t do this without you. We’re honored to be a part of your parenting journey.
Talking to kids about gender and sexuality isn’t easy. Maybe you want to start the conversation but don’t know how to approach it, or maybe teens are dropping some terminology about their identity that you don’t quite understand. These days, kids seem to have an entirely new language to label their sexual preferences and gender, and it can make parents feel confused or alienated. Not to mention, it can be pretty awkward to discuss sex, no matter who or what our kids are interested in!
But starting this conversation signals to kids that you accept them–which can be incredibly powerful. A recent study by the Trevor Project found that 42% of gay teens have considered suicide…and in many of these cases, parents didn’t even know their own child was gay. Whether your teen is out and proud or struggling in silence, they’ll certainly benefit from an open conversation around sexuality and gender in your home.
So how can we get our teens talking about sexuality? Well, we can start by reminding them that it’s totally natural! This week, we’re sitting down with Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality. Eliot is a New York Times bestselling young adult novelist and book reviewer for USA Today. While getting a Masters in Animal Studies at New York University, Eliot learned the fascinating ways that the natural world defies heterosexuality and gender binaries–and decided to write a book about it!
In our eye-opening interview, Eliot dives into how various species exhibit homosexuality and gender-bending behaviors in the wild! We also talk about how we can start breaking down heteronormative narratives for our teens, and how we use certain language to help teens feel comfortable opening up about their own gender and sexuality.
Mastering our emotions is no easy task…especially when we have teens pushing our buttons all day long. It can be nearly impossible to keep our anger and frustration from overflowing when teens talk back, stay out past curfew, or repeatedly refuse to put down their phone! Whether they’re purposefully trying to antagonize us or just have a bit of rebellious teen spirit, kids’ behavior can stir up some serious negative feelings for parents.
When we don’t learn to process these negative emotions, they can build up and last for weeks, months, or even years–harming our mental health, productivity, and overall quality of life. But if we can learn to handle anger or sadness in healthy ways, we can unlock a more peaceful, prosperous existence for ourselves and our families.
To help us harness our emotions, we’re talking to Thibaut Meurisse, author ofMaster Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings. Thibaut is an acclaimed author of over twenty books about behavior and mentality, and the founder of lifestyle website whatispersonaldevelopment.org. His work has been featured on wellness websites like Llife Hack, Tiny Buddha, and Goalcast!
In our interview, Thibaut sheds some light on how both parents and teens can process their negative emotions in a healthy way. Plus, we discuss the immense value of self compassion, and Thibaut explains how teens can stop caring about what others think!
Sometimes teens behave in ways that seem truly inexplicable. One day they'd rather die than miss a trip to the mall with their friends...and the next they can’t stand a single one of those same friends! They want to join the lacrosse team but won’t go to a single practice, date someone new every week, and change their future career three times in one day. It seems like they’re being motivated by something behind the scenes…something that even they don’t understand!
In reality, teens are acting under the influence of all sorts of brain chemicals that developed as a result of evolution. Beyond just the reproductive hormones like testosterone and estrogen that we often associate with adolescence, kids are motivated by their internal reward system, including chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals cause teens to form habits and reward-seeking patterns that not only shape their teenage lives, but potentially their adult lives too!
To understand how these chemical forces work in the teenage brain, we’re talking to Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels. Loretta is the founder of the Inner Mammal Institute, which provides resources for people to understand their pleasure-seeking brain chemicals and cultivate a happier life!
In our interview, Loretta explains how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins work, how these chemicals change teens’ behavior, and what happens when teens don’t get enough of them.
For centuries, parents have been locked in a nature vs. nurture debate, trying to uncover the forces behind our teens’ development. Some parents believe nature has majority control over who teens become, and that things like personality, mental health issues and risk of addiction are passed down through the gene pool. Others think that these factors are mainly influenced by socialization, parental behavior and cultural influence–meaning the way we treat our kids shapes who they become.
When teens are exhibiting behavior we’re not exactly proud of, it can be tempting to blame biological factors. We let ourselves off the hook, claiming that there’s nothing we could have done to stop their substance use or aggression anyway. But constantly attributing kids’ behavior to nature can be inaccurate and even harmful! It stops us from critically examining the way we've influenced our teens, and even perpetuates certain sexist or racist agendas by declaring “natural” differences as the foundation for discrimination.
To understand the nuances of this ongoing nature vs. nurture debate, we’re talking to Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature: How Culture and Experience can Shape the Human Mind. Jesse is a Distinguished Professor of philosophy and Director of the Committee for Interdisciplinary Science Studies at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. He’s been conducting research on the mind for over twenty years, and has authored multiple books and over a hundred articles on topics like consciousness and emotion.
In our interview, Jesse and I are discussing how using nature as the default explanation for kids’ development can lead to harmful discrimination. We’re also discussing how affluence plays a role in who teens become, and debating whether parents or peers have a biggest influence on teen behavior.
We want our kids to be successful: find and excel at their passions, achieve remarkable things and of course, make enough money to be independent from us! But how can we help them get there? Some teens have plenty of ambition but can’t quite match it with work ethic. Others seem pretty apathetic to their future career, and some just don’t know what to do with their lives!
Whatever situation your teen is in, the road to success is bound to be a rocky one.
Luckily, there are ways we can help our teens make success a reality! Teens can achieve anything–if we just guide them towards developing the right mindset. There are tools we can use to help lost teens find their spark, and bring already ambitious teens even closer to their dreams and goals.
Our guest this week is here to share some incredible tips for cultivating a prosperous life! Her name is Ruth Gotian, and she’s the author of The Success Factor: Developing the Mindset and Skillset for Peak Business Performance. Ruth is the Chief Learning Officer and an Assistant Professor of Education in Anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine. Her work is featured regularly in Forbes, Psychology Today, and the Harvard Business Review, and she is internationally recognized as an influential thinker in the world of management and leadership.
In our interview, we’re talking about how teens can develop the right mindset for success. We’re also discussing how we can help teens find their life’s passion and why mentors and social circles are so critical to finding success.
When our kids are being moody and dramatic, we tend to just roll our eyes and chalk up their behavior to hormones. We know their bodies and brains are changing…so they’re going to have some growing pains! But when we say the word “hormones”, do we know what it really means? Beyond just affecting our kids' emotions and physical development, how do these chemicals really work within our teens' bodies as they evolve from kids to adults?
To understand how hormones affect our teens, we’ll have to go way back…all the way back to conception! Hormones have been affecting our kids since they were little more than a fertilized egg. Understanding how hormones act on the mind and body throughout the human lifespan can help us understand what’s going on during the teens years–and why teens can be so angry, sad, confused and angsty!
To help us get to the bottom of all the hormonal changes, we’re talking to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of both The Female Brainand The Male Brain. Louann is an endowed professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, San Francisco, where she also founded the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic. She’s dedicated her life to studying how hormones change human behavior, thoughts and emotions.
In our interview, Louann is helping us understand our kids’ hormonal timeline, from the womb to adulthood. We’re also discussing the difference between female and male social behavior during the teen years, and how hormones can cause simple conflicts to escalate into intense arguments with teens.
We all have conflicts with our kids. Whether it’s over something big like their college major or something as small as what they’ll eat for breakfast, disagreement is natural. As teens grow into independent thinkers, there’s bound to be some tension in your house. But when your discussions keep turning into a screaming match and doors start slamming left and right… you might find yourself left wondering, is there a better way??
It turns out, disputes with teens don’t have to feel like emotional warfare! With better tools, we can take the friction between us and our teens and turn it into something productive. Although it’s not easy to keep your cool when teens push your buttons, there are some things we can do to avoid escalating the conversation into a toxic argument! If we can bring the right energy to these quarrels, we can create a more peaceful home and strengthen our bonds with teens along the way.
To help us solve our squabbles in a healthy way, we’re talking to Gabe Karp, author of Don’t Get Mad at Penguins: And Other Ways to Detox the Conflict in Your Life and Business. Gabe’s trial lawyer who later joined a small tech start up and helped turn it into one of the biggest companies in the world! As a venture capitalist, he’s negotiated multi-million dollar deals. A powerful businessman and a parent, Gabe knows just how much our conflicts can drag us down if we don’t find healthy ways to handle them.
In the episode, we’re discussing why clashes with teens are a natural part of life, and how you can tackle them in a productive, nontoxic way! Plus, Gabe explains how you can use a “shopping list” voice to keep a conflict from escalating, and why sharing your own experiences with teens can help them feel understood.
Raising a girl in today’s society comes with so many challenges. Young women are juggling puberty, sexuality, academics, friendships and more, all while trying to navigate the pressures of the online world. The constant presence of social media puts pressure on teens to have the perfect body, the best clothes, and the coolest friends–basically to live an impossibly perfect life! When teens are obsessing over instagram, suddenly wearing crop tops, fighting with all their friends and declaring that they’re failing chemistry….it can be easy to feel like there’s no possible way to help them get through it all.
To make matters worse, our teen girls aren’t exactly receptive to talking about any of it. As young women inch closer to adulthood, they tend to resent taking any advice from parents, and it seems like everything we say just makes them mad! But just because girls are changing, doesn’t mean we can’t still be an important part of their lives. This week, we’re helping guide you towards having more positive, productive conversations with your daughters, especially during such a critical period in their lives.
Joining us today is Kimberly Wolf, author of Talk with Her: A Dad’s Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters. Although her book focuses on dad-daughter relationships, Kim knows quite a bit about how all parents can cultivate healthy communication with their girls! She’s an educator and speaker who holds both a bachelor’s in gender studies from Brown and a master’s in human development and psychology from Harvard! Her education as well as her own personal experiences growing up as a girl inspired her to dive deeper into the struggles of today’s young women.
In our interview, we’re covering what you can do to maintain a positive relationship with your teen, even when they start to reject the values you raised them with. Plus, what to do when your daughter leaves the house in an outfit that’s a little more revealing than you’re used to, and how you can signal to your kid that you’re open to hard conversations whenever they’re in need of support!
Kids tend to have big dreams…but are constantly told to be more “realistic.” When they say they want to be an astronaut, pop star, or professional athlete, we might lightly suggest they pick a safer option. Have they thought about accounting? What about coding? Maybe they should just stick with something stable and consistent, and stop trying to disrupt the status quo.
But what if we could step outside of our limited way of thinking to see infinite possibilities for our teens? What if, by striving for the seemingly impossible, our teens may just exceed everyone’s wildest expectations? If they’re dedicated, persistent, and hardworking enough, they may be able to accomplish something extraordinary. This week, we’re discussing how letting go of limits might be the key to truly successful teens.
Joining us is Anthony Lynch, author of No Limits: How to Build an Unstoppable Mindset. Anthony is a certified fitness professional who focuses on youth athletic performance training, as well as a bestselling lifestyle and fitness author. In his work he helps both kids and adults reach mental, physical and financial prosperity. In our interview, he’s helping parents see how a strong mindset can propel teens into the life of their dreams!
In the episode, Anthony explains why it’s critical for your teen to have a “high-agency mindset.” Plus, we discuss why physical health is a jumping-off point for success in all areas, and how we can help teens grapple with big dreams and find their life’s purpose...
When most of us first heard about vaping, we were told it was a way for smokers to put down a cigarette and try something a little healthier. We probably didn’t think it was particularly dangerous…or something our teens were likely ever to become addicted to! But in the past few years, e-cigarettes have become massively popular among young adults. These affordable, fruit-flavored, colorful devices are not only easy for teens to obtain, but also easy to hide–they often look just like flash drives!
For parents who know the dangers of cigarettes, it can be confusing and concerning to watch these devices develop a massive young fan base. With little science to help us understand their ingredients or effects, it can be hard to know if they are even remotely safe for kids to use. As far as we know, beyond their extremely addicting qualities, they could have life-threatening side effects!
Today, we’re separating fact from fiction to discover the truth about vaping. Joining us is journalist Jaime Ducharme, author of Big Vape: The Incendiary Rise of Juul. Jaime covers health, science and medicine for Time magazine. She’s been writing about the rise of vapes since 2018, when the invention of the popular Juul device brought vaping to the forefront of widespread public fascination. Her research can give us some insight into the mysteries of these electronic cigarettes, and help us finally figure out what effects they’re really having on our kids.
In our interview, Jaime is explaining the potential dangers vapes pose to developing teens. Plus, we discuss the powerful marketing and deliberate spread of misinformation surrounding these devices, and how we can encourage teens to make educated choices before they pick a vape themselves.
For kids growing up in the social media age, comparison is a constant struggle. Teens are bombarded 24/7 by influencers who post pictures of their unrealistic lives and seemingly perfect bodies–making teens feel like they’ll never measure up. This can cause both young men and women to constantly scrutinize their appearance, to the point of developing eating disorders or facing serious damage to their mental health! Although body image may seem like an afterthought to some adults, it’s a seriously significant part of young people’s lives that can even yield potentially dangerous outcomes.
Luckily, there are some things we can do to protect teens from the pressure to have a perfect body–and it starts with communication in our homes. Normalizing talk about body issues can do wonders for teens, especially those who feel like they’re struggling with it all alone. If we can guide them to become more conscious and critical about what they see online, we can help them learn to love themselves and their bodies unconditionally!
To help us get the conversation started, we’re talking to Charlotte Markey, author of Being You: The Body Image Book for Boysand The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless. Charlotte is a professor of psychology at Rutgers University and a leading expert on body image research. She’s studied everything from weight management to eating disorders, and is the perfect person to talk to about how we can encourage teen body positivity!
In our interview, Charlotte explains what body positivity truly feels like, and how we can encourage teens to strive for self-acceptance. Plus, we’re talking all about online influencers, and how teens can defend themselves against the damaging messages of a market-driven media.
The hectic life of parenthood can make it hard to take care of your body and mind! When you’re waking up at 5 AM, trying to prep lunch for everyone before dropping them off and barely making it to work on time, running home to make dinner and still squeezing in time to help with homework, you can start to feel a little disconnected from yourself. Taking care of your family is so essential…but what about self care?
If we’re not putting aside time for self-restoration, we end up taking our stress out on our kids! We become reactive instead of communicative, yelling instead of listening. We want to be the most patient, level-headed parents we can be, but we can’t do that unless we take care of ourselves! If we’re practicing mindfulness in our own lives, we’ll not only become more connected to ourselves, but also to our kids.
We’re joined this week by Ted Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra, authors of Missing Each Other: How to Create Meaningful Connections. Ted is an associate professor of psychiatry at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, as well as the founder and director of the Adult Autism Spectrum Program at Penn Medicine. Ashley is a therapist and neuroscience researcher currently pursuing a Ph.D. in clinical psychology at the Catholic University of America. Together, they are dedicated and passionate researchers of human social and emotional behavior.
In the episode, Ted and Ashley are defining the term “attunement”, and how parents can practice it to benefit themselves and their families. Plus, we’re discussing how we can become better communicators, forge stronger connections and work through conflicts with our teens!
What makes a person successful in the real world? Is it their technical knowledge, their accounting abilities, or anything else they might learn in school?
While these qualifications are important, there are other skills which are just as essential to personal and professional success: things like teamwork, negotiating, and planning! Without these abilities, your teen could be the greatest math whiz of all time…but find themselves unable to communicate or collaborate enough to bring their innovations into the world.
If kids aren’t learning skills like this in school, how can we teach them to be strategic and savvy adults? Turns out, we as parents can set examples about compromise and negotiation that kids take with them into adult life! With the right conversations, we can encourage them to become leaders, developing the confidence and collaborative abilities they’ll need to cultivate the career of their dreams.
To understand how we can set up our kids for success, we’re talking to Mark Herschberg, author of The Career Toolkit: Essential Skills for Success That No One Taught You. Originally an engineer and chief technology officer, Mark has spent much of his career launching and developing new ventures at startups, fortune 500s and academia! His MIT Undergraduate Practice Opportunities Program is often referred to as MIT’s “career success accelerator”. Mark is the perfect person to tell us exactly how teens can thrive in the professional world!
In our interview, Mark and I are discussing some of the most important qualities teens need to find success, and how they can cultivate these abilities. We’re also talking about how teens can take notes on their failures or success to inform their future endeavors, and how parents can become better negotiators to reach compromises with teens–without either side sacrificing their interests.
Our hope is that kids will shoot for the stars, dream big, and believe they can do anything they put their mind to. We encourage them to be ambitious, hardworking, and self assured. But sometimes, even when we act as their biggest cheerleaders, teenagers–especially teenage girls–can struggle with confidence! Kids are up against a lot these days, and young women face extra barriers despite years of fighting for equality.
In many ways, these barriers are subtle, small forces within our culture. They aren’t written into our laws or taught in school curriculum, but they’re working against the ability of our teen girls to grow into the powerful individuals they were destined to be. It’s in the way adults tell young girls to be quiet and polite while letting boys run wild, or how we might comment a little more on the way our daughters look than our sons. But it doesn't have to be that way! If we can learn to inspire our girls instead of inhibiting them, we can encourage all our teens to follow their dreams.
This week, we’re joined by Jo Wimble Groves, author of Rise of the Girl: Seven Empowering Conversations To Have With Your Daughter. On top of being a mom of three, Jo is also a successful tech entrepreneur as the co-owner of the global mobile communications company Active Digital. As she climbed the ladder to success, Jo felt that she didn’t always have the right role models or encouragement. Now, her goal is for today’s teens to feel like they can do anything they aspire to do, no matter their gender.
In our interview, Jo and I are discussing why we still have to fight for our daughters to have an equal chance at success! We’re also talking about how you can help any teenager find their passion, and how we can encourage teens to be comfortable with failure while on the road to figuring out their life’s purpose.
When kids leave home, they embark on an entirely new adventure. New friends, mentors, classes and jobs can help them develop different perspectives and ideas. And while we want our kids to grow and change, it can be disorienting when they suddenly come home with a new hair color or completely different college major! It’s especially jolting when they seem to have new opinions and values beyond the ones you raised them with.
So how can we help teens stay connected to their roots, even after they leave the nest? It’s no easy task. When teens leave home for a totally new environment, they might not fit in right away…leading them to change their wardrobe, behavior and even their beliefs. For some, the approaching professional world might force them to conceal their real selves to get ahead. Every teen has an unpredictable journey to adulthood, and there’s bound to be some identity conflict as a result.
To help kids grow into successful adults without forgetting where they came from, we’re talking to Jennifer Morton, author of Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility. Jennifer has worked as a professor of philosophy everywhere from Penn state to the City College of New York–meaning she’s worked with students from all kinds of backgrounds. Over time, she began to notice that those from lower income households tended to struggle with the social and cultural expectations of college, inspiring her to think critically about how young adults change as they leave home.
In our interview, we’re defining the term “code-switching”, and how young adults often use this technique when they feel pressured to fit in. Plus, we’re discussing why entitlement can actually be a good thing, and how we can start having tough conversations with our teens about the real world while they’re still under our roof.
We know teens need role models…but what does that mean exactly? Are we as parents supposed to provide a perfect example? Are these role models supposed to be teachers or coaches? What about celebrities? It’s not easy to ensure teens have the right heroes to look up to–and social media doesn’t help. In our digital world, it’s tricky to tell if teens are following positive role models online or just obsessing over seemingly perfect Instagram influencers.
As hard as they are to find, good role models can be critical for growing teens. They provide young people with a metaphorical mirror, encouraging certain behaviors and discouraging others. With the help of role models, teens can find career success, improve their physical and mental health, and gain a deeper understanding of their place within the world. But without these examples to follow, our teens might just find themselves lost!
This week, we’re talking all about role models, and how teens can find them in today’s world. Joining us is Fiona Murden, author of Mirror Thinking: How Role Models Make Us Human. Fiona’s been a psychologist for over twenty years! She also works as a public speaker and consultant across business, health care, sports, and politics. Fiona has spent much of her life working with leaders within organizations, leading her to wonder…how do leaders and role models affect those in their sphere of influence?
In our interview, Fiona reveals how much of an influence parents really have over teens. She’s also explaining how parents can destress in order to become better role models, and why social media is damaging teens’ self-awareness.
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There’s nothing we want more than to see our teens to grow up happy and successful….with stable careers! So when they mention they might want to pursue acting or painting or playing the trombone, we can start to get a little nervous. While we love that they have a creative side, we know that a life in the arts is anything but consistent. If they could only see the benefits of a degree in engineering or business, they’d understand that the artistic struggle might not be as fulfilling as they think.
But alas, they won’t listen! Teens are stubborn, and will likely maintain that they are destined for the artist lifestyle. So what can we do to help them find the success they’ll need to stay afloat? Is a fancy degree from a prestigious art program their ticket to the top? Or is there some kind of magic secret that all the iconic superstar artists are in on?
This week, we’re tackling these questions and more with Magnus Resch, author of How to Become a Successful Artist. Magnus is an art market economist who studied at Harvard and the London School of Economics. He’s a successful entrepreneur, as well as the bestselling author of six books about the art market–plus, a professor of art management, teaching at Yale and Columbia! After conducting research on half a million contemporary working artists, Magnus has discovered the secret to a successful art career, and he’s here today to share it with us!
In our interview, we’re discussing just how essential the networking process is for young artists making a name for themselves. We’re also covering why teens need to create a strong artist’s statement, and what a career in the arts might realistically look like for teens dreaming of glory.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
For centuries, parents all over the world have been plagued by the sex talk. How could we possibly cover all the intricacies and complications of fornication with our teens? And even if we’re able to sit teens down for “the talk”, they aren’t exactly excited to get into an awkward discussion about the birds and the bees. As soon as you start talking about body parts, teens run the other way or cover their ears.…and you’re left wondering if the two of you will ever be able to talk to about sex!
As difficult as it is to have these discussions, they are essential to teens' physical and mental health. Kids are going to be interested in sex regardless, and if they dont learn about it from you, they’ll turn to the internet. And while the web can have some educational info, it also houses plenty of dark and disturbing content that can lead kids to develop harmful ideas about consent and sexual violence. If we want to help kids form a healthy relationship to their sexuality, we’ve got to step in sooner rather than later…. and have that dreaded sex talk.
To get some much-needed advice on navigating “the talk” , we’re sitting down with Andrea Brand, author of Stop Sweating & Start Talking: How to Make Sex Chats with Your Kids Easier Than You Think. Andrea has decades of experience working in public health and as a research consultant, and now has a career as a sex educator! Today, she’s giving us some innovative tips for making “the talk” less painful and more effective!
In our interview, we’re getting into why it’s so essential to have these talks…and why it’s so dang hard! Plus, Andrea tells us how we can form community groups for teens to learn about sexuality, and what we can do to ensure a sex talk goes smoothly.
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Andrea Brand, author of Stop Sweating & Start Talking, shine slight on why sex talks are so essential, and what we can do to make them less awkward.
As parents and people, we tend to seek out certainty. We keep our kids in the same schools so they can have consistent friends. We cook the same group of recipes, so we’re sure to have something ready for dinner without too much stress. And we encourage our kids to study hard so they'll be sure to get good grades, get into a good college, and get a good job. We feel that if things are certain, we can live comfortably without worrying about our teens too much…even if it can get a little boring!
But what about mystery? Could adding a little bit of unpredictability into our lives make us happier? Might it prepare our teens better for the complicated world ahead? The truth is that uncertainty can be good for us…even if we try our best to make our lives predictable! Our guest this week champions uncertainty…in fact, he believes we should all encourage ourselves and our teens to incorporate a little mystery into our lives.
This week, we’re sitting down with Jonah Lehrer, author of Mystery: A Seduction, A Strategy, A Solution. Jonah is a neuroscientist who’s written multiple bestselling books, as well as contributed to The New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal and more! After discovering his son’s fascination with mystery, Jonah dove into research about the effects of unpredictability on the adolescent mind. Now, he’s here to talk about just how powerful uncertainty can be!
In our interview, Jonah explains why curiosity is an essential component of effective teen learning, and we discuss the importance of experiencing awe for both adolescents and adults. Plus, Jonah emphasizes the significance of living with uncertainty instead of searching for finite answers.
Hard work is essential to success…right? If we want teens to thrive they have to hustle, grind and work laboriously to achieve perfect SAT scores or a spot on the basketball team. We condemn teen laziness, hoping that kids will understand the value of blood sweat and tears. For goodness sake, how will they ever get anywhere in life if they’re not spending hours with their chemistry textbooks or practicing their free throws all afternoon?
But maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Perhaps there’s some merit to taking the easy way out–so long as it’s clever! If teens can find ways to get to the same result without all the effort, they might just stumble upon a great discovery. This week, we’re talking all about shortcuts and laziness, and why these things may not be as bad as we assume! Sometimes, figuring out a way around hard work can lead to some seriously innovative thinking.
Joining us this week is Marcus Du Sautoy, author of Thinking Better: The Art of the Shortcut in Math and Life. Marcus is a brilliant mathematician and the Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at the University of Oxford. His books and regular media appearances have done wonders to spark public interest in science and mathematics!
This week, Marcus and I are talking all about shortcuts–and how they can make our teens lives’ easier. We’re also discussing why laziness is underrated, and how collaboration might just save the future of the human race.
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Times are changing—and so are teens. The introduction of technology to each aspect of everyday life has fundamentally altered the way teens act, think, and experience the world. Our education system is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and it’s shaping our teens dramatically. Our culture has changed, pushing teens to become more individualistic than ever before. For better or for worse, growing up has become an entirely different experience than the one many of us are familiar with.
For kids, this new world has benefits…but also serious drawbacks. Young people are more connected than ever. They’ve got comforts and conveniences that we never could have dreamt of in our teen years. But rates of teen depression and anxiety are skyrocketing, and many kids feel like they aren’t prepared for the brutal reality of adulthood! For parents watching the world change, it can be nerve-wracking to wonder how we’ll help teens manage.
To understand how our kids can navigate it all, we’re talking to Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Era of Distraction, Dependency, and Entitlement. As an educator, writer and parent himself, Shane has found himself observing some seriously concerning behavior from teens–behavior he feels is motivated by the forces of our evolving world. Today, he’s helping us see how we can give kids a fighting chance at a successful life!
In our interview, we’re discussing the fierce individualism of our modern culture, and its effects on growing teens. We’re also discussing bullying, and the surprising reasons why Shane thinks we shouldn’t stop it from happening. Plus, we’re covering where our school system is missing its chance to truly prepare teens for the world ahead.
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Caring for teens with anxiety and depression can be incredibly difficult. No teen is the same, and living with mental illness is different for every family. Because these disorders are so stigmatized in our society, we rarely talk about them–making them even harder to spot, diagnose and treat. Some days it might feel like there’s nothing you can do to help your teen feel better…and that’s not a good feeling!
No matter how hard it may seem, however, you’re not alone. Plenty of people are going through the same thing–probably more than you think! And by talking to professionals, you can discover some tried-and-true ways to help your teen get a hold on their mental health.
Today we’re sitting down with Zach Westerbeck, author of You're Not Alone: The Only Book You'll Ever Need to Overcome Anxiety and Depression. In his post-college years, Zach found himself fighting some serious mental health battles. Although he tried to shove these feelings down, they only grew, culminating in suicidal thoughts. When he reached rock bottom, he called the only people he felt could help him–his parents. This set him on the road to recovery! Now, he’s talking to parents and teens all over the globe to help us understand how we can cultivate a better culture around these disorders to save lives.
In this week’s episode, Zach and I are discussing what he calls a “vicious thought vortex” to help parents understand what depressed or anxious teens might be going through. We’re talking about some small steps teens can take to get a handle on anxiety, plus sharing how you can make your home a safe space for teens to express their true feelings.
Have you ever tried taking your teen’s phone away? How did they respond? Did they scream? Cry? Bargain and beg for you to give it back? For many families, arguments over tech use are an exhaustingly repetitive part of everyday life. Devices can have plenty of benefits for teens, but can also be addictive and problematic! As a parent, it can be scary to feel like teens are ditching their homework for tik tok, talking to random strangers online, or running free all over social media.
Helping teens create healthy tech habits is hard work–but not impossible! Surprisingly, it starts with encouraging teens to be themselves. Confident teens are less likely to hide behind screens, and more likely to immerse themselves in the real world. But how can we help teens create this confidence? That’s what we’re getting into this week!
Our guest is Roni Cohen-Sandler, author ofAnything But My Phone, Mom! Raising Emotionally Resilient Daughters in the Digital Age. Although Roni’s book focuses on young women, her years of experience working as a psychologist has taught her a lot about young adults of all genders! In her work, she’s found that technology is the number one point of contention between parents and teens. Today she’s revealing how we can talk to teens about tech and much more.
In our interview, we’re talking about how technology can complicate kids’ sense of identity, and what we can do to help them feel secure in who they are. Roni gives us tips for striking up critical conversations with teens about their tech use, and explains how we can guide them toward enjoying their phones–in moderation.
Talking about discrimination is pretty complicated and scary…so sometimes we just don’t! We hope that if we just don’t mention offensive stereotypes or racist notions to our kids, they won’t develop prejudiced thinking. We’ll remind them that everyone is equal, and just pray that their schooling will do the rest. If we wouldn’t know what to say in a conversation about discrimination, it’s better to just abstain…right?
As much as we might wish for our kids to naturally grow up without bias, studies show that it’s bound to happen. Influences from TV, movies, video games and social media can shape the way young minds think. When young people see racist and sexist stereotypes in the media, they don’t know any better but to believe it! If we don’t teach them to think critically about what they see, they might end up with life-long beliefs about race and gender that can hurt both themselves and those around them.
To learn more about why we need a discrimination conversation–and how to have it–we’re talking to Dr. Christia Spears Brown, author of Unraveling Bias: How Prejudice Has Shaped Children for Generations and Why It's Time to Break the Cycle. She’s been researching the development of discriminatory beliefs in children and adolescents for nearly 30 years! Through her work, she’s discovered the real reason kids grow up with bias. Today, she’s providing us with proven ways we can combat prejudice in our own families.
In this episode, we’re diving into the psychological origins of bias in adolescents. We’re also getting into how we can change our dialogue about gender, sexuality, and family to create a more equitable world.
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Having an open, communicative, connected relationship with your teen is awesome…but pretty difficult to achieve. Teens don’t exactly make it easy to get close to them–when we try to have heart-to-hearts, they usually just roll their eyes. Plus, it’s hard to spend quality time together when they disappear to their rooms for hours at a time! Being vulnerable with teens can be an incredible way to bond with them and prep them with life advice for the world ahead, if we could only get them to listen.
To make things more complicated, having these conversations is usually a two-part process. Even when we’ve got kids to open up, it’s another challenge altogether to know what to say! When teens tell us about what’s going on with them, we don’t want to shut them down or make them feel worse. We want to give them advice that will help them become their best selves. Although this might feel like an impossible task, we’re giving you some tips this week to help you get there.
Our guest today is Mark Goulston, renowned psychologist and author of many books, including the popular Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior and Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. Mark’s experiences working with patients and talking to parents all over the world has left him with some powerful notions about making an impact on teens.
In our interview, we’re covering the importance of opening up to teens, how you can create a safe space for teens to be vulnerable, and how we can move forward to a promising future with kids instead of dwelling on our past mistakes.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
The road in front of our teens is a rocky one. They’re heading into adulthood in the midst of a pandemic, trying to figure out what they want to do and who they want to be. They’re attempting to find independence, but also curate new relationships. There’s no shortage of obstacles in their path–if they want to get through, they’ll have to know how to persevere. They’ll have to be resilient.
But how can we as parents help them get there? Turns out, there’s a lot we can do! And it starts with being resilient ourselves. If we show kids that we can bounce back from our mistakes, they’ll know that they’re capable of it too. Then, when it’s time to step out into the world, they won’t come running back home scared. They’ll know how to roll with the punches, think on their feet, and get up when life knocks them down!
To understand how we can model resilience for our kids, we’re talking to Chris and Holly Santillo, authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. These two have decades of experience both raising and working with kids. Together, they own and operate a martial arts studio, and Holly leads a childrens’ choir. Plus they’ve traveled all over the world with their three kids, and learned quite a bit about resilience along the way.
In this episode, Chris, Holly and I are talking about the ways parents can teach perseverance by example. Plus, we’re discussing the importance of service, and explaining how teens can become independent without sacrificing their connections to others.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
It can be alarming when teens are suddenly staying out late, dating, and getting behind the wheel. It’s easy to see them as the tiny toddler they once were, when barely able to even walk! Watching them grow from little kids to young adults means that we have to relinquish control and give them more and more independence….which is no simple task. We want to protect them, shelter them and guide their every move to make sure they don’t go astray, but maybe this isn’t the best way to prepare them to take on life in the real world!
This week’s episode is about taking the backseat as a parent. Even when we want to run out the door and stop our teen from going out in that outfit, or watch over them until they finish every problem on their physics homework, sometimes it’s wise to step back and let them go at it on their own. Even though teens might mess up, make mistakes and have regrets, a little bit of independence can be an important preparation for the wild ride of adulthood they’ll face up ahead.
We’re sitting down with Peter Docker, author of Leading From The Jumpseat: How to Create Extraordinary Opportunities by Handing Over Control. After 25 years serving in the United Kingdom’s Royal Air Force, Peter became a leadership expert, helping companies all around the globe for nearly 14 years. Plus, he’s a father of two! Peter pours his knowledge about service, business, and teamwork into a parenting context this week to help us see how we can run our homes with integrity and purpose.
Peter and I are discussing the difference between taking a position and taking a stand–and why this is a crucial distinction parents need to make. Plus, we’re talking about authenticity and integrity, and explaining how you can finally get your teen to put their dirty laundry in the hamper!
What do you do when your teen suddenly seems to be in a rut? It might be that they barely eat, lock themselves in their room, or stop talking to their friends…whatever it is, they won’t clue you in to what’s wrong. The truth is, they may not even know! These days, more and more people are finding themselves feeling down without an obvious reason—and this week, we’re going to find out why.
In recent years, the number of prescriptions for antidepressants has gone up all across the globe…but so have rates of depression and anxiety. How could this be possible? It might just be that relying on medicine is actually making us feel worse in the long run–and the same goes for other substances, or even unexpected comforts like social media and video gaming. To help us understand further, we’re talking to a brilliant psychologist who knows a thing or two about addiction and the mind’s ability to process feel-good chemicals.
Dr. Anna Lembke is the Medical Director of Stanford Addiction Medicine and has been a leading researcher on addiction for over 25 years! Her new book, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, highlights just how easy it is to partake into too much pleasure when we’re constantly oversaturated with media influence and convenient dopamine hits like fast food and vaping. Beyond just substance abuse, many teens are finding themselves addicted to digital stimulation, pornography or social media, but may not not exactly why they’re feeling so blue all the time.
To help us understand this mental health crisis, Dr. Lembke and I are discussing the neurological and evolutionary reasons behind why teens get into depressive episodes from too much indulgent behavior. Plus, we’re talking about what we can do to make our teens less vulnerable to addictive forces, and how to get them to open up about their bad habits.
Alex J. Packer, author of Slaying Digital Dragons, joins us for a look at technology’s effects on our physical, mental, and social health, and how we can control our own tech use, and not let it control us!
Do you ever wish you learned smart financial planning earlier in life? Maybe if you’d just had some more information, you could have that sports car you’ve always fantasized about...or maybe you would’ve just avoided making some rough mistakes! In order to set our teens on a better path, it might be wise to get them started on a financial education while they’re still under our roofs–so that when they step into adult life, they’ll pay bills and crunch numbers like a boss.
The only problem is….kids don’t want to talk about money. They’d love to talk to you about the things they want to buy. But when it comes to investing, saving or planning, you might as well be talking to a wall. How can we get kids excited to learn more about their personal finances?
Dan Sheeks is here to answer that question and many more! He’s a high school business teacher and author of the new book, First to a Million: a Teenagers Guide to Early Financial Independence. Dan’s been teaching business to teens for nearly two decades, making him pretty qualified to give financial advice to you and your kids. He knows just how to make finance palatable to teens, and all the juicy secrets for making money while you’re young!
In our interview, we’re talking about what we can say to teens to get them interested in financial planning. Plus, Dan is explaining the difference between real and false assets, outlining different kinds of debt, revealing how teens can get a “next level” job, and much, much more. This episode is bursting with great financial advice for both teens and parents!
You know you have to discuss race....but you’re not sure where to start. With everything going on in the news and centuries of history to cover, there’s quite a bit to talk about. You might feel like you’re unauthorized or just woefully unprepared. What if you say the wrong thing, or your teen asks a question you don’t know the answer to? With all the uncertainty, it can be tempting to just skip the topic of race altogether.
But if we don’t encourage kids to think critically about racism, they may grow up ignorant to prejudice in their community. They might not be able to identify microaggressions, or might not think about a certain language before they use it. Plus, with all the information floating around on social media these days, kids might just learn about race from unreliable sources when they could be having a productive conversation about it with a trusted parent!
To help us crack the code to race conversations with teens, we’re sitting down with Matthew R. Kay, author of Not Light But Fire: How to Lead Meaningful Race Conversations in the Classroom. Matthew’s one of the founding English teachers at the Science Leadership Academy in Philadelphia, as well as the founder of a Philly slam poetry league! As a teacher, he’s had countless conversations about race in his classroom–leading him to learn what works and what doesn’t.
Matthew and I are discussing how you can create a safe space for kids to open up about intense issues like race. Plus, we’re talking about how you can keep the conversation in check so it doesn’t go off the rails, even when you and your teen have some differences of opinion.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
When it comes to our kids’ education, we don’t want to cut corners. We want them to have access to a thorough, fulfilling schooling so that they’ll have a bright future! However, today’s school system often fails to meet our expectations. Teens are shuffled through a long day of sitting in a classroom, doing what they’re told, with almost no personal connection to what they’re learning. No wonder so many of them are falling behind or finding themselves woefully unprepared for college!
Although it may seem like there’s no way to combat this problem, our guest today thinks otherwise. The trick, she believes, is to flip the script and put teens behind the driver’s seat of their own education. If we’re encouraging kids to push themselves forward instead of constantly forcing them to budge, we might actually see them make some real progress! It won’t be easy, but it will be well worth it.
This week, we’re talking with someone who’s putting in work everyday to revolutionize education. Diane Tavenner is the co-founder and CEO of Summit Public Schools, a nationally recognized system of charter schools that has been praised across the board–including being ranked in American News and World Report as some of the best high schools in the United States! She’s here to talk about some key ideas from her book, Prepared: What Kids Need for a Fulfilled Life.
In the episode, Diane and I are telling you how you can help your teen take charge of their own education, and figure out what they want to do with their life! Plus, we’re shelling out quick and easy mindfulness practices that you and your teen can both practice on an everyday basis to boost motivation.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
There’s a lot to be worried about these days! Whether you’re feeling anxious about the ongoing pandemic or just concerned that your teen is struggling in school, it’s easy to let distress clutter your mind. When we let that anxiety crawl around in our brain, we often find ourselves distracted from the better moments in life, thinking obsessively about a work meeting when we’re supposed to be spending quality time with our families.
Interestingly, that voice inside our head–the one that’s always muttering about the past and the future–can be useful, if we know how to harness it. This inner dialogue comes from an evolutionary need to learn from past mistakes to survive the next challenge, and can help us immensely when tackling life’s challenges! If parents can learn to steer this voice in a positive direction, they can help teens do the same. That way, these young adults will know how to handle that tricky inner dialogue before they head off into the real world.
Our guest this week is one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind as well as an award-winning professor of psychology and business at the University of Michigan! His name is Ethan Kross, and his new book is calledChatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. In our interview, Ethan and I are getting into how and why we talk to ourselves, and what we can do to make the most of our inner voice.
In this week’s interview, we’re discussing the idea of being “present”...and why it doesn’t always help us feel better. Plus, we’re diving into tons of other strategies for harnessing your inner voice that might be the perfect solution to that constant worrying!
We often hear that the secret to a healthy relationship of any kind is communication...but what does that really mean? Does it mean apologizing when we feel we’ve messed up, or daring to discuss uncomfortable topics? Are there certain things we shouldn’t say, and how do we know when we’re communicating too much? How do we get teens who are checked out to actually hear what we’re saying? These questions and more are keeping us from having an open, communicative relationship with our teens.
But when bad communication causes so many problems, it’s understandable that you might be hesitant. When you’re feeling frustrated or upset with your teen, certain ways of communicating can deepen the divide between the two of you instead of building a bridge. Teens who are dealing with pressures from every side of life can sometimes drive us up the wall–and despite our best efforts, we too often let our communication fall into a pattern of yelling, nagging and not really listening to what they have to say.
This week, we’re helping you fight the tendency to slip into all the fussing and fighting. By giving you the guidance to create a healthier, more communicative relationship with your teen, our hope is to bring some harmony to your home. Our guest is David Bradford, professor at Stanford’s graduate school of business and author of Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues. David’s been teaching a seminar at Stanford on interpersonal dynamics for two decades, and he’s here to share some of the most valuable insights from his work with us.
David and I are discussing why teens often refuse to hear anything we have to say, and how we can open up a stronger, more positive channel of communication between us and them. We’re providing alternatives to giving advice, which, according to David, in’ts as effective as we think! Plus, we’re discussing what David calls the “three realities of communication” to uncover why our misunderstandings can so often lead to hurt feelings or accusations.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
It’s hard to think of a group that gets labelled more than teenagers. Whether we declare them slackers, class clowns, popular kids or outcasts, it can be easy to put them in boxes based on their personalities! But have you ever considered that personalities aren’t as constant as you might think? Maybe teens’ personalities change with time as they grow or fluctuate depending on who they’re with or where they are. They might even have the power to intentionally change their own personalities if they put their minds to it.
The debate over whether human personality is stable or fluid is one that reaches back through the history of psychology. Some scientists in the past believed that our personalities were set in stone by age thirty, while others believe there’s no such thing as a set personality at all! Are our personalities decided at birth, or are they decided by the events of our lives? Do we have a role in choosing our own personality or is it something that just happens to us?
These are the kinds of questions we’re asking Christian Jarrett this week. He’s been a leading cognitive neuroscientist for two decades with work featured on the BBC, in Vice, Guardian, GQ and more! His book, Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change, tackles commonly asked questions we all have about defining our personalities and changing ourselves for the better. He’s here to cover some of the most interesting points and give advice for parents of teens with rapidly changing personalities.
In our interview, Christian explains why teens are especially vulnerable to personality change! We’re also covering the effects of social situations on teens’ personalities, and how you can help your teen use certain techniques to actively work towards being the person they want to be.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
When our middle or high schoolers are driving us up the wall, we often attribute their wacky behavior to hormones. They weren’t this crazy when they were younger, and we pray they won’t be this unpredictable as adults, so we assume it must be those teenage chemicals in their brains making them act up. It’s just a biological process, and there’s nothing we can do...right?
But attributing all of our teens’ behavior to hormones can bring up some complicated questions for parents. Like, with everything going on in her brain already, would it be wise to put my daughter on birth control? Or, is it normal, hormonal, behavior that keeps my teenager out late, causes him to drive like a maniac? What if there are other factors to consider when pondering these questions that can make things a little clearer for parents?
To find out, we’re talking to Dr. Sarah McKay, renowned neuroscientist, to find out what role hormones really play in teen’s development...and what popular ideas are actually misconceptions! Dr. McKay is an Oxford educated doctor with years of experience researching brian science. Finding herself intrigued by outdated or misconstrued ideas about the female mind, she decided to write The Women’s Brain Book, a comprehensive look at the development of women’s neural pathways.
In this week’s episode, Dr. McKay’s demystifying the role of hormones during puberty–and explaining why we give them too much weight. Plus, we’re discussing the specific brain changes our pubescent kids are experiencing, and getting into how gender stereotypes seep into what should be purely scientific perspectives of puberty.
We’re all familiar with the term “boys will be boys.” It’s often used when guys are physical, detached, aggressive, and violent. making it seem as though these behaviors are the norm. Much of society acts as though these traditionally “masculine” tendencies are simply intrinsic to male DNA...which can make us feel like there’s nothing we can do when our sons get into trouble for it.
But what if there was a way we could talk to our boys to help them realize that this behavior is not the only option? What if we could show them that, by slowing down and thinking about the situation at hand, they may find it wiser to simply keep the peace instead of causing a ruckus? This week, we’re revealing how you can sit down with your son and prevent all the brawling before it starts, or get through to a teen boy who’s masculinity might need a makeover.
Our guest is Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency. Andrew is a professor at Towson University, where he teaches a seminar entitled “The Changing Face of Masculinity.” His work has been featured in the New York Times, the Washington Post, NPR and more. He speaks at schools and conferences around the globe...but today he’s sitting down to speak with us!
Andrew and I are discussing why it is that boys are compelled to react with violence or aggression when triggered. We’re also diving deep into the importance of vulnerability, and how we can help our sons accumulate a supportive community where they can express their emotions without fear.
It feels like these days, we’re all a little more tired than we’d like to be! We pour ourselves an extra cup of coffee in the afternoon, feed our kids nutritious meals to give them a boost, and declare an early bedtime...but none of it seems to help! You and your kids might feel bogged down by 3 PM, or struggle to finish a basic to-do list. We’re trying to take care of ourselves, so why are we feeling so exhausted?
Turns out, the answer is a lot more complicated than you might think–and it’s based in sophisticated nutrition science. Your body’s natural processes have been interrupted by our society’s agricultural and medical practices, and it might be causing you to have a fraction of the energy you once had! The chemicals in your food and the prescriptions you’re taking may be doing more harm than good when it comes to creating a happier, healthier life for yourself and your kids.
To shine some light on this energy deficiency, we’re sitting down with Dr. Steven Gundry! He’s a former cardiac surgeon and the author of several successful books on nutritional science, including his new book: The Energy Paradox: What to Do When Your Get-Up-and-Go Has Got Up and Gone. In this week’s episode, we’re diving into the mechanisms at play in our body’s digestion and immune systems–and what we’re doing that’s causing those mechanisms to get all kinds of messed up.
Ever heard of a microbiome? We’re talking all about how this home for trillions of microorganisms inside your gut serves as the center of your body’s functions….and how our practices are rendering it ineffective. Plus, we’re getting into the real truth about fiber, and unpacking the nuances of metabolic flexibility to explain why we just can’t seem to stay energized.
Parenting is never predictable. Even when we think we know our kid, some new interest or personality trait suddenly comes out of left field. Maybe your kid has always been a total carnivore, but this week, all their friends are vegan...so they want to be vegan too! Yesterday, your kid wanted to be a pro basketball player, but today they want to be a painter...tomorrow they’ll tell you they’re destined to be a scientist. It can be dizzying to keep up with your teens as they grow and evolve everyday!
But what about when a kid who’s always happy and smiling suddenly seems tired and disinterested in things? Or when your teen who swore they’d never smoke accidentally leaves a vape in the kitchen? When these kinds of unexpected parenting troubles pop up, it’s hard to adjust and react effectively. It can be incredibly challenging to avoid the urge to panic, and nearly impossible to remain cool and parent through peril.
According to this week’s guest, the secret to handling the ups and downs is to define our values–and stick to them. His name is Frank Figliuzzi and he’ the former assistant director of the FBI, served as FBI chief inspector for sensitive internal inquiries, and is now a national security analyst for NBC news! His new book, The FBI Way: Inside the Bureau’s Code of Excellence, highlights the principles that make the FBI so successful at handling crises and explains how you can apply those same principles when things go awry with your teen.
In the episode, we’re touching on what Frank calls “the seven Cs”, or seven fundamentals that parents can practice to create a harmonious house and handle conflict when it arises. We’re covering the importance of sticking to a code of values, practicing clarity, and enforcing consistent consequences–but not without compassion, credibility and conservancy.
Anxiety is a pretty common feeling–you likely know how it feels to have your heart suddenly race in your chest, your palms go sweaty and your words turn to gibberish before a big presentation or confrontation. Having these anxious feelings is bad enough when it’s an isolated incident, but many of us–and our kids–might be feeling anxiety every day! This could be caused by anything, from eating to driving to social situations! For kids handling school, sports, clubs, college apps and friendship drama, anxiety may be a frequent presence keeping them from living their best life.
It seems like this anxiety is simply an unavoidable, biological force, but our guest this week is encouraging us to think about anxious behaviors a little differently. Instead of viewing them as something we have little control over, he’s telling us how anxiety may actually just be a force of habit, and therefore something we can change! Anxious responses follow the same patterns as habits, are often caused by similar triggers, and, as we’re discussing this week, can be treated in similar ways.
If you’re looking to heal you or your teen’s anxious patterns, this is the episode for you! Our guest is Judson Brewer, author of Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind. Judson is not only an internationally renowned psychiatrist and neuroscientist, but also the director of research and innovation at Brown’s mindfulness center. His 2016 Ted Talk, tilted “A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit, has over 16 million views on youtube!
In our interview, we’re diving into how anxious tendencies act just like habits–with triggers, behavior and rewards. Plus, we’re getting into how you can understand and reflect on your own behaviors, if you just have the courage to be curious...
For many of us, education is the #1 priority for our kids. A good education can help lift kids out of poverty, can ensure a financially stable and independent future, and can open up the doors of opportunity and possibility, no matter what they dream of doing! While hobbies, social life and athleticism are all important parts of helping kids become well rounded, education is key to giving them the ticket to a prosperous life.
But the sad truth is that our education system might not be doing what we need it to do! In many ways, our current curriculum takes the wrong approach, leaving kids without the knowledge they need to succeed in adulthood. Today’s schooling is especially ineffective for students who are not so affluent, with a rising gap in test scores and academic performance between those on the highest and lowest ends of the socioeconomic spectrum.
So how can we create an effective, equitable system that gives our kids the chance they deserve? Our guest, Natalie Wexler, is here to help us find out. She’s the author of The Knowledge Gap: The Hidden Cause of America's Broken Education System--and how to Fix it. In our interview, she’s bringing attention to the serious issues facing today’s students, and how schools can start doing better by those they teach.
Natalie and I are discussing how our schools are focused on helping kids develop critical thinking skills instead of helping them build up a base of knowledge. Although this might sound like the right approach, it’s actually doing a disservice to kids all across the country! We’re also getting into why our nation’s wealth gap is so present in our education system, and discussing how you as a parent can give your kids’ education a boost.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
There’s one slice of pizza left, and all three of your kids want it. One kid argues that he called dibs on it before it even came out of the oven, so it’s definitely his. Another says that since she had track practice today, she’s the hungriest–and therefore it belongs to her. The third declares that the two slices he already ate were wayyyy smaller than the rest, making him the rightful owner of this final piece. Unable to stop bickering over it, they look to you to decide who gets to eat it….but it seems like all three of them are making a pretty good case!
Decisions like this can feel impossible, but as parents, we face them almost everyday. Not only are there battles of ownership between the kids themselves, but you and your teen also likely argue over who owns their phones, the car, their bedroom, and even perhaps their body. (Who should get the final say on blue hair and belly button piercings?) When problems arise, it’s not always easy to distinguish what belongs to who, and that can make life pretty difficult!
This week, we’re talking about the rules of ownership….and what makes them so complicated. Our guests are Michael Heller and James Salzman, authors of the new book Mine!: How the Hidden Rules of Ownership Control Our Lives. In their work as lawyers and law professors, James and Michael have spent a lot of time thinking about possession and what entitles someone to the rights of ownership.
To help us understand how disputes over ownership arise, Michael, James and I are discussing the six rules that people use to argue that they have possession of something. We’re also chatting about why companies think they have the right to sell your data and covering how you can use your ownership position to teach kids important life lessons.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Dealing with depression is tough–whether you’re battling it yourself or trying to help a teen who’s struggling. Depression can distance us from friends and loved ones, cause us to stop eating and sleeping and make things we once enjoyed seem pointless. If left untreated, depression can even be life-threatening.
As more and more people–especially teens– find themselves struggling with depression in the midst of the pandemic, it’s more tempting than ever to search for remedies to this complicated condition. What can we do to make life with depression more livable?
For some of us, the answer may lie in laughter. You read that right. Laughter. Sometimes, in order to process our emotions and make light of the things that plague us, the answers lie in comedy! Joking about depression might not always be the most conventional coping mechanism, but it can do wonders for making such a terrifying, overwhelming illness more manageable on the daily.
Our guest this week, John Moe, is no stranger to laughing his way through tough times. He’s the author of The Hilarious World of Depression and the host of the podcast Depresh Mode, where he engages in interesting and introspective discussions with guests about mental health and more!. As someone who’s lived with major depressive disorder since his early teens, John knows that helping a kid through depression is not easy. That’s why he’s here to answer questions, give advice...and make us laugh!
Want to talk to your teen about depression but don’t know where to start? We’re getting into having conversations about mental health in this week’s episode. We’re also covering how you can spot depression in a teen, and how a little humor can help you and your teen work through the difficulties of depression together.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
We all remember middle school….probably not too fondly! Between the relentless social drama to the embarrassing body changes, middle school is pretty much the worst. Not only are kids today dealing with the things we dealt with, they’re also juggling the pressures of social media, an intense political climate and a terrifying pandemic as the cherry on top! Growing up through all this is no easy task, and neither is parenting our kids through it.
It’s hard enough watching teens struggle with these difficult years, but when they won’t talk to us, it can feel impossible to be a good parent. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for pubescent kids to suddenly shut parents out with no explanation. With everything going on in their lives, a lot of kids feel overwhelmed and afraid to open up, or they think it’s their job to go at it alone. How can we get through to preteens and remind them that we’re here to help them get through the perils of middle school life?
To find out, we’re talking with Judith Warner, author of And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School. Judith is the bestselling author of multiple parenting books as well as a senior fellow at the Center for American progress–and those are just a few of her many accolades! In her work and personal life, Judith recognized that parents of middle schoolers seemed to really be struggling, but not sharing their woes with one another out of embarrassment or fear. That’s why she’s decided to write this book: to help parents wrap their heads around this wild time, and realize they’re not alone.
In the episode, Judith and I are covering why middle school is one of the most painful periods–but also one of the most important. We’re discussing why this age is so hard on parents, and what we can do about it. Plus, we’re addressing how you can get a middle schooler to finally open up, even if they’ve been shutting you out!
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Enforcing rules on teens is no easy task. Half the time they ignore you, sometimes they lie to you, and they love to find plenty of reasons to do the exact opposite of what you asked! As they gain independence, teens just don’t want to abide by your rules...even if they’re living in your house.
Plus, as much as we want kids to listen to us and take us seriously as authority figures...gosh dang it, we want them to like us! We know that it's important to give kids restrictions and limits, but it’s hard to see why when they’re slamming the door and screaming at us for taking their XBox away. To be a parent is to constantly walk that fine line between being close to your kid and knowing when it’s time to be tough….and it can be really hard!
Luckily, William Stixrud and Ned Johnson are back to give us more great advice on finding that parenting balance. They were last on the show to discuss their bestseller, The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. Today, they're here to share some groundbreaking material from their brand new book, What Do You Say? How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance and a Happy Home.
Although they’re big believers in giving kids autonomy, Bill and Ned know that parents still have an irreplaceable role in guiding kids through the perils of adolescence. That’s why we’re discussing how parents can best respond to a child who comes to them with a crisis. Plus, we’re debating the idea that kids should always “try their best” and revealing how you can start equipping kids with the independence they need to survive college and beyond.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Falling into a destructive cycle with your teen is far too easy–and incredibly frustrating. You yell at them to stop coming home late every night, or beg them to stop neglecting their homework for their Netflix….but they just don’t listen. Even offering rewards or doling out punishments never seems to work. It can feel like you’re living the same day over and over again, with no end in sight!
On top of feeling like your words are falling on deaf ears, all the fussing and fighting can start to put a strain on you and your teen’s relationship. It’s hard when you feel like you and your kid are enemies, or like the two of you are always bickering instead of connecting with one another. How can we get kids to listen, while also keeping our relationships harmonious?
If we really want to end the cycle and connect to our teens again, we’ll have to change the fundamentals of our approach. Our guest this week is Matis Miller, author of The Uncontrollable Child: Understand and Manage Your Child's Disruptive Moods with Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills. Matis has been working as a clinical psychologist for over fifteen years, and has some groundbreaking ideas about how you can transform your parenting philosophy to bring peace to your home again.
Are you familiar with dialectic behavioral therapy? In this week’s episode, Matis and I are breaking down this fascinating method of clinical therapy, and sharing how you can apply it to tackle your toughest parenting battles. We’re also talking about how judgement and invalidation might be harming your parenting approach, and discussing how you can dish out more effective rewards and punishments.
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Stories of addiction and overdoses are incredibly scary. We hear about teens who lose their way after getting in with the wrong crowd, or watch friends and family struggle to keep their lives together while battling substance abuse. As a parent, the last thing you want is for kids to fall into a destructive pattern of addiction that slowly chips away at their mental and physical health….but teens are impressionable and drug and alcohol use among adolescents is on the rise. What can we do to make sure our teens don’t develop a substance use disorder?
Today, we’re talking about prevention. So often, we view substance abuse from the end, looking at the rock bottom as the starting place for recovery. And while it’s important to acknowledge those life-changing moments of realization, it’s time to focus on how we can stop our teens from using drugs at all. In this episode, we’re getting into the steps you can take right now to ensure your teen is safe from substance abuse.
Our guest is Jessica Lahey, author of Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. With over 20 years of teaching and parenting experience under her belt, Jessica began to write about her experiences, becoming a blogger, journalist, and eventually a best-selling author. Her work with adolescents in rehab clinics pushed her to research and write on the subject of substance abuse–primarily how we can prevent it instead of waiting until our teens hit rock bottom.
In our interview, we’re debating the existence of gateway drugs, explaining how kids get into substance use, and deconstructing the popular myth that it’s better to give kids wine at the dinner table before they reach drinking age. Plus, we’re covering things like academic failure, monitoring teens online activities and more!
It’s important for our teens to connect to others. When we send our kids off into the world, we want to know that they’ll be able to bond with friends, work associates, and romantic partners. Since we won’t be around all the time, we hope that they can find nourishing, fulfilling relationships with other people! But some young adults aren’t quite able to form those types of connections. They become too clingy or distant, trying to force people in or push people out. Not every teen has the capability to maintain healthy relationships!
And while the teen years are influential, attachment styles are usually developed in the first three years of a child’s life–meaning it’s not always easy to help teens who are struggling to form strong bonds. But if we can educate ourselves and our families about the psychology of attachment, we can guide teens to recognize their own patterns. If we give them the ability to analyze their own behavior, they can work towards creating the positive friendships and romantic relationships they deserve.
In this week’s episode, we’re talking to Peter Lovenheim, author of The Attachment Effect: Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives. Peter is a journalist and author who dedicated six years to interviewing experts and scouring publications to understand the ins and outs of how we bond to one another! Now, he’s here to touch on some fascinating facts about relationships, attachments, and more.
Today, we’re getting into the different styles of attachment: secure, avoidant, and anxious–and talking about what parents can do to help teens who have difficulty with friendships or early romantic partners. Pate and I are also sharing the strengths and weaknesses of each kind of attachment, and why it can be so important to help teens discover their own personal tendencies when it comes to forming bonds with others.
Getting kids to eat healthy is no easy task. Not only do they resist apples and broccoli, they tend to have a fit when you don’t take them to McDonalds after soccer practice or reach for cookies at the grocery store. Plus, it’s hard enough to keep yourself on a healthy diet! After a long day of working and parenting, it almost seems like second nature to fill up a glass of wine and microwave some nachos!
And although you might put your own health on the back burner, creating a healthy family includes healthy parents too. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you’re not being your best self, meaning you aren’t fully there for your kids! Plus, how are you going to convince your kids to be active and fill their body with nutrients when you’re on the couch eating a Snickers bar?
To understand how both parents and kids can lead happier, more nutritious lifestyles, we’re talking to Sid Garza-Hillman, author of Raising Healthy Parents: Small Steps, Less Stress, and a Thriving Family. As a nutritionist, Sid has guided individuals and families away from unhealthy habits into prosperous ways of living! His groundbreaking approach to nutrition and holistic health emphasizes the value of reducing stress and taking small steps to arrive at a healthier life.
In our interview, we’re covering the different kinds of stress, and how too much stress on a parent can lead not only to unhealthy living, but also make life tougher for the entire family. We’re getting into some nutrition science and psychology to reveal how you and your family can change your eating habits for good. Plus, we’re discussing how you can introduce healthier options to your kids without them running in the other direction.
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We’ve always been told that the secret to getting a teen into college is for them to look perfect on paper. We nag them to join the honors society, sign them up for a hundred SAT tests, or even convince them to quit guitar lessons to make time for academic decathlon. But what if simply checking all the right boxes of what colleges are “looking for” isn’t the right approach anymore? Could it be that admissions officers are getting a little bored of reading essay after essay about the challenges of AP biology?
We might just be so focused on helping teens fit the mold we aren’t encouraging them to think outside of the box! More than just routine extracurriculars or high test scores, admissions officers want to see that kids have unique talents and passions. Instead of pushing kids to drop dance for the debate team, maybe it’s time we talked to them about how their natural interests can propel them towards a brighter future.
To get a behind-the-scenes peek at what college admissions officers are really looking for, we’re talking to Aviva Legatt, author of Get Real and Get In: How to Get Into the College of Your Dreams by Being Your Authentic Self. She’s also the founder of Ivy Insight, the gold standard in college admissions consulting! Her advice for your teen? Forget what they’ve been taught about being the “perfect” college applicant, and be themselves instead!
Aviva and I are talking about what she calls the “impressiveness paradox”, or why fancy-shmancy credentials alone might not help your teen get into the school of their dreams. We’re also covering how teens can tap into their passions to find their potential, and the value of making connections with people on campus before even submitting their application...
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Deciding on a college is one of the biggest decisions teens will make in their lives. There are so many factors to consider. How big are the classes? Will they be able to make connections in their chosen field? What do the dorms look like? With so many different schools and so many majors, finding the right fit can feel impossible.
But there’s one aspect of the college search we don’t always talk about, even though it’s arguably the most important of all: the finances. We’re often so focused on helping young adults find a place that feels right or looks beautiful that we neglect to dive deep into how we’re going to foot the bill, in the present and down the line, in the case of loans.
And even if we do find a way to pay, we often don’t pause to consider whether the degree we’re paying for is going to deliver a return on investment! This is especially true for those of us who are taking out loans. If we’re going to be in debt, it’s wise to know if and when we’ll eventually be able to pay it off.
To really wrap our heads around college finances, we’re talking to Beth Akers, author of Making College Pay: An Economist Explains How to Make a Smart Bet on Higher Education. Beth is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and an expert in the economics of labor and higher education. She believes that everyone should have access to comprehensive financial information about college, so they can avoid making a decision they regret.
In our interview, we’re breaking down why we often don’t talk about the financial aspects of choosing a college. We're also talking about how a student’s major affects their future prospects, and revealing a smarter way to go about taking out loans. If you’re searching for the best way to educate your kids without breaking the bank, this episode is for you!
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Some teens just don’t want to commit to anything! They go to one lacrosse team practice but quickly lose interest, quit piano lessons when the songs get difficult and avoid debate team meetings after school...even though they signed up for the whole year! As a parent, it can be frustrating to watch them shrug off any kind of obligation. You know getting involved in activities will help them gain new skills and make friends. So how can you get them to see how valuable commitments can be?
The truth is that kids these days are stuck in browsing mode. With so many distractions, it’s hard for them to focus on one thing. And even when they find something they care about, society tells them not to settle, not to get tied down, not to stick with anything that isn’t their “perfect” calling. But if we can help kids understand just how rewarding it is to find a lasting passion or commit to a craft, we can guide them towards a brighter, happier future.
This week, we’re talking to Pete Davis, author ofDedicated: The Case for Commitment in the Age of Infinite Browsing. Pete spoke at Harvard University’s 2018 graduation ceremony about the value of being committed to something meaningful. Since then, the video of his speech has been viewed over 30 million times! His inspiring message about dedication might be just what your teen needs to hear.
Pete and I dive into the power of commitment in this week’s episode. We cover the importance of helping teens find a craft, discuss why kids should give up on the notion of finding their “calling”, and explain how it can be valuable for young adults to pick something and stick to it! If you want to help your kid find a fulfilling future but don’t quite know what advice to give, you won’t want to miss this episode!
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Our kids are growing up in a world where technology is expanding at a mind blowing pace! Every year they find themselves with shiny new social media apps, ten new video games that they HAVE to play, and fancy devices that are so much cooler than what came out last year. As a parent you may feel unsure about the best way to raise your teens in this tech-filled world. How can you get them to put down their phone and focus on college apps? Or even just go outside and get a little exercise?
While all this tech can be a distraction, it can also be pretty dangerous. There are some pretty frightening parts of the online landscape! Kids might accidentally find themselves entrenched in a hate group or engaged in dark, fringe content. Not to mention that as coders and computer experts become better and better at programming artificial intelligence, teens might find their future jobs at risk–or even experience prejudice as a result of robotic resume readers!
How is that all possible, you ask? John Zerilli, AI expert and this week’s guest, is here to tell us. He’s a research fellow at the University of Cambridge, and the author of A Citizen’s Guide to Artificial Intelligence. John predicts that in the coming years, AI is poised to infiltrate every area of our lives. He believes everyone has a right to be educated about it! He's here today to chat about how we can guide our teens through the coming technological revolution and ensure that they have bright and prosperous futures.
In today’s interview, we’re discussing how we can make cyberspace a safer place for kids. We’re also talking about how the job market is changing as AI grows in relevance and explains how racial and gender biases can be perpetuated by computer programs. So stick around, because you're not going to want to miss out on all this fascinating tech talk!
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Getting teens to sit down and practice math can feel impossible. We go around in circles trying to convince them to practice the algebra portion of the SAT, or nag them after school to finish their calculus homework before turning on the XBox. No matter how many times we assure them that math skills are critical to a successful life, they just don’t seem to care! We can lead them to water, but we just can’t make them drink.
According to today’s guest, the secret to motivating math-reluctant teens might lie in cognitive science. In her recent work, she’s discovered and documented some fascinating findings about the complexities of the human mind. Specifically, she's gained some unique insights on the way humans learn. She’s here to tell parents how they can help kids not only master STEM material–but have fun doing it!
Her name is Barbara Oakley and she’s the author of both the bestselling A Mind For Numbers and the brand newUncommon Sense: Teaching Practical Insights in Brain Science to Help Students Learn. Although she’s now a professor of engineering at Rochester College, she was once a student who struggled in science and math. When one of her own students prompted her to think critically about how she became a whiz at crunching numbers, she decided to dive into the neuroscience of learning to figure out how students can master math, even if they tend to lag behind.
In our interview, we’re discussing the difference between long term memory and working memory, and sharing how understanding these systems in our minds can help us become better learners. We’re also chatting about the importance of practice and how you can get kids to actually do it! In addition, we’re breaking down misconceptions about procrastination and how to motivate a teen who’s more interested in video games than cracking open the books...
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
When kids are driving us up the wall and we want to regain control, we add rules. Then, later down the line...we add more rules. Soon we find ourselves trying to figure out a rule for every video game and homework assignment. As humans and parents, we’re wired to add more and more structure, attempting to create a sense of security. But sometimes the answer doesn’t lie in addition–it lies in subtraction!
We often fail to consider that maybe instead of putting more on our plate, we can instead take something away. This is because in our evolutionary pursuit of survival, humans have gained an affinity for acquisition. We used to hunt and gather to acquire food, but in our modern world, this need to attain means we like to add new objects, responsibilities, and ideas to our life. When uncertainty rears its head, we automatically think addition is the answer. However, if we consider letting something go instead, we might see a better path was right in front of us all along.
In today’s episode, we’re talking to Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less. Leidy pulls from his innovative behavioral research and years of design and engineering experience to break down why we as a species feel inclined to add more and more to our lives without removing the things that drag us down.
Leidy and I are discussing why it is that our brains are so predisposed to pile more on without considering the possibility of letting something go. We also cover how we can help teens make some smart subtractions when it comes to technology, and explain how you and your teen can practice subtraction in everyday life.
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Let’s be honest–the pressure of the college application process is enough to drive anyone crazy. Both you and your kids might find yourselves losing sleep and shedding tears over the endless rampage of SAT scores, personal essays and scholarship applications. It’s so intense that celebrities are willing to bribe schools and admissions officers with thousands of dollars just to get their kid’s feet in the door!
Although you just want the best for your kid, it’s easy to get caught up in the competition of it all and become another expectant force breathing down their necks. You might find yourself so obsessed with whether or not they get in that you forget to notice all the hard work and character growth they’ve exhibited throughout the process.
To understand how we can guide kids through college apps and other teenage chaos, we’re sitting down with educational consultants Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis. Their new book, The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness and Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World, is a guide for parents who are feeling uncertain about the application cycle, phones at the dinner table, and more!
In our interview, the three of us discuss the definition of a “parent compass” and how to help kids navigate the tech filled world they’re growing up in. We also dive into how we can help teens reevaluate goal setting, especially when it comes to college admissions.
With so much fake news flying around on social media and the internet becoming more and more politically polarizing each day, it’s easy to be worried about whether or not our teens can think for themselves. On top of online influences, teens are also susceptible to pressure from their peers in real life, who threaten to paint them as outcasts if they hold a minority opinion. With all these forces against us, raising independent thinkers with their own opinions, values, and moral codes is not easy.
To make matters even more challenging, psychological studies inform us that humans are fundamentally wired to abandon our own thoughts and observations to conform to majority opinion. Not only that, but we tend to only associate with those who agree with us–keeping us from questioning our assumptions and challenging our own perspectives. If we want to raise teens with strong critical thinking skills, it might be time to teach them the value of disagreeing with others.
That’s why we’re sitting down With Charlan Nemeth this week. Charlan is the author of In Defense of Troublemakers: the Power of Dissent in Life and Business, as well as a professor of psychology at the University of California Berkeley. After working as researcher and consultant specializing in influence and decision making, Charlan has become an expert on the ways dissent can be a powerful force in changing the world.
In our interview, Charlan and I discuss how even one dissenter can deeply influence the way a group of people approaches an issue. We also talk about why it can be so hard for teens to present dissenting opinions to their peers, and what parents can do to raise kids who are unafraid to disagree with the majority.
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The high school social atmosphere is pretty terrifying. You might remember the feeling of your heart beating against your chest as you asked a table full of kids if you could sit with them, or the way you got tongue tied trying to talk to your crush in the hallway. As stressful as it is, it tends to pass in time as kids mature. For many teens, this is just a part of growing up.
But for some, social anxiety is a major challenge that keeps them from finding friends and blossoming into confident adults. Too often, these teens let their social anxiety rule their lives. They flee any kind of challenging social interaction, falling into a pattern of avoidance. They never learn to challenge their fears and live in their comfort zones.
Today, we’re talking to a social anxiety expert to learn how we can help teens break this cycle. Our guest is Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to be Yourself: Silence your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. Dr. Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist and faculty member at the Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. She’s also the original host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast, which has been downloaded over 15 million times on Itunes.
Dr. Hendriksen has spent years studying social anxiety, and she’s here to share all her expert knowledge with you today. In our interview, we cover what’s really going on in teen’s heads when they’re overwhelmed by social situations. We also get into all the wrong ways teens try to deal with social anxiety, and break down healthier methods for teens to shed the inhibitions that hold them back.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
We would do anything for our kids to be successful. That’s why we sign them up for SAT prep classes, make sure they practice piano every day and watch their report cards like hawks. If they can get good test scores they can go to a good college, then get a job with benefits until hopefully they don’t need us at all anymore! So long as we ensure their meeting the marks academically, we’re giving them everything they could ever need...right?
Well, not quite. When we look at the research, we find that kids with the highest grades aren’t necessarily the most successful. Those deemed “gifted” don’t always become lawyers and CEOs if they don’t know how to work hard or persevere through adversity. In fact, when interviewed, kids in generation Z often feel like they’ve just been brought up as a product to fulfill certain standards–not as a well rounded human being.
How can we raise kids to not just fit the bill of academic perfection, but actually find lasting success and happiness? In other words, how can we help them thrive? Our guest today, Michele Borba is here to answer that very question. She’s the author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. After conducting years of research, she's discovered the key traits of the world’s most prosperous people. She’s here today to tell parents how they can pass along the recipe for a bountiful and fulfilling life to their kids.
In our interview, she explains how you can guide teens to discover their core assets to ensure they’re on the pathway to prosperity. We also discuss how you can instill strong values in your teen and why it’s important for teens to have a high level of agency in their everyday lives.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Unless you and your teen live under a rock, your child has probably been exposed to a lot of discourse about racism this past year. Sparked by the killing of George Floyd, the world erupted in protests and outcries for equality this summer–and the world has never been the same.
With the video of the tragic murder available online amongst plenty of other intense dialogue about race, you might be wondering how you can talk to your kids about it all. You may feel like you don’t know how to approach the topic, or don’t feel like you can do an adequate job covering the vast history of racial inequality and all of its nuances.
If you don’t know where to start, it can be powerful to give your kid some reading material. Books can help teens learn about these issues from an expert, and then the two of you can then have a discussion about it. Need a text that feels right for an adolescent? Our guest today has got you covered. Her name is Ilyasah Shabazz, and she’s the author ofThe Awakening of Malcolm X: A Novel.
Ilyasah is the daughter of human rights activists Malcom X and Betty Shabazz, and does incredible work as an educator, author, motivational speaker and activist. In this new book, she’s describing the pivotal period of Malcom X’s young life, when he was imprisoned for 6 years and began to see the world differently. In telling Malcom’s story, she hopes to give young people the guidance they need to handle life’s trials and follow their vision for a brighter future.
In our interview, we’re covering some critical moments in Malcolm X’s youth. We’re discussing how educators can shed more light on the contributions of black and indigenous people throughout history, and why we need reform in our criminal justice system.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode
We think we know how puberty works. Kids grow hair everywhere, wake up 2 feet taller than the night before, and suddenly start wanting to go on dates to the mall without any supervision! But there’s actually a lot to puberty that most parents don’t know about. Did you know, for example, that puberty can begin as early as age seven in some girls? Or that male puberty is almost totally contained to testicular growth for the first few months or even years?
If we don’t properly learn about puberty, we can’t teach our kids what they need to know. During this confusing period, teens can use all the help they can get. By making an effort to really understand all the ins and outs of puberty, we can give them the tools to get through adolescence and out to the other side.
Our guest this week, Cara Natterson, is here to clue us into all the latest research about coming of age. She’s a pediatrician, consultant, speaker, and bestselling author of multiple books on parenting and health! Her latest book is titled Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons. This book sheds light on tons of misconceptions about puberty, especially for young men.
Cara drops all sorts of fascinating facts and helpful tips in today’s episode. She explains why some teens go quiet during puberty, and how you can break through this barrier to connect with them. We also discuss how puberty starts much earlier than we usually think, and get into the psychology behind why teens act impulsively.
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Michelle Mitchell, author of A Girl’s Guide to Puberty and A Guy’s Guide to Puberty, shares her top tips preparing young people for puberty. Rather than cringing at the awkwardness, Michelle suggests we can embrace body changes as the beautiful part of life they are!
Kevin Roose, author of Futureproof, speaks with us about what AI and automation means for the future of humans--and how to speak with teens to prepare them to remain relevant in the information age.
Jonah Berger, PhD, bestselling author of The Catalyst and Contagious, shows us the most effective way to be catalysts for change. The first step is to uncover what barriers stop teens from changing right now.
Dr. Karl Pillemer, author of Fault Lines, reveals to us what his massive survey into estranged family members tells us about the importance of relationships, forgiveness, and thinking twice about cutting ties.
Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode There’s no singular experience in teenage life quite like the SAT. Unlike the grueling four year academic curriculum, it occurs for only 180 minutes–and determines whether or not a teen is accepted to the school of their dreams. Needless to say, this is likely a significant cause of anxiety for you and your teen alike. A lot of programs out there promise your teen instant success at standardized tests, but in reality, performing well is much more complicated than just quick tips and tricks. Beyond simply putting in the reps, acing the ACT or SAT requires teens to understand their own thinking. It takes a serious mastery over anxiety and external pressures to keep a clear head and perform like a champion. This week we’re talking to one of the most sought after test prep professionals in the country, Ned Johnson. He runs the company PrepMatters, which helps people prepare from everything from the LSAT to the MCAT. He’s also the co-author of Conquering the SAT: How Parents Can Help Teens Overcome the Pressure and Succeed. Ned’s put in over 35,000 hours of one-on-one test prep with young adults, and has learned quite a few lessons along the way. He’s here today to share with you why he thinks standardized tests are valuable despite their flaws. These tests go beyond just words and numbers–they teach teens how to push their boundaries. Ned and I also chat about why pressuring kids to do well can often backfire, and how you can help your teen tackle performance anxiety to smash that ACT out of the park.
Julie Lythcott Haims, author of Your Turn and How to Raise an Adult, brings to the show her vast knowledge of the psychology of emerging adults. How can we help our teens and 20somethings turn out well?