Finlos Lives: Recent Episodes
finlos
A series of discussions about life, the arts, media, games, philosophy, and relationships.
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In this episode, I explore what I call relationships of convenience, dissecting the difference between reciprocal care and the "extractive mindset" that treats people, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, like a temporary resource for short-term gain. I argue that this pattern is not accidental, but a personal manifestation of a broader systemic failure, rooted in colonial, capitalistic, and patriarchal logic that devalues consistent, inconvenient emotional labor. I connect this relational failure to an internal one, exploring how the resulting cynicism and fear of being disposable makes depression feel like being unable to trust anyone. Ultimately, I challenge the listener and myself to reject this transactional model by committing to relational discipline: the choice to be the Samwise, the Tanjiro, or the Mirabel who prioritizes shared well-being over personal extraction, and embracing self-reciprocation to build the internal trust necessary to risk genuine connection again.
In this episode, I dive into the recent, ongoing US government shutdown to dissect the difference between the honest struggle of compromise and the easy aggression of sabotage, both in politics and in our personal lives. I argue that when one side refuses to negotiate over essential issues, like the expiring ACA premium tax credits that affect millions, they are replacing governance with a dangerous game of stonewalling. I connect this institutional failure to a profound internal one, exploring how the resulting paralysis mirrors the feeling of invisibility and powerlessness that comes with depression. Ultimately, I challenge the listener to move past this fear of being unacknowledged by finding the "Minimum Viable Product" lever—a small, disciplined act of self-governance that allows us to accept the slow, heavy rhythm of the day and choose steady, internal effort over a frantic, performative sprint.
In this episode of Finlos Lives, I look at what happens when someone important isn’t there—how absence alters routine, attention, and the body’s internal rhythm. Using the image of a vinyl record, I explore how relationships leave physical and emotional grooves that keep guiding us even after contact stops. Through psychology, daily practice, and reflection, I examine how missing someone shapes memory, behavior, and connection, showing that what feels like loss is often the system recalibrating for balance.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, “Only I Will Remain,” I explore whether the goal of life is to eliminate fear or to face it and let that struggle define what truly matters. Drawing from the "Litany Against Fear" from Frank Herbert's Dune, I examine fear as a compass: an internal guide pointing toward our deepest values and hardest work. I connect this idea to modern cultural anxiety, political outrage, and the crisis of masculinity, showing how avoidance of fear fuels much of today’s chaos. Through reflecting on both collective behavior and my own experience with depression, I explore courage, acceptance, and the disciplined work required to move through fear and emerge more whole.
In this episode, I look at how performance has replaced authenticity, from the political stage to social media feeds and even our private lives. I explore the rise of “performative governance,” where spectacle wins over substance, and how the pursuit of clout has reshaped our understanding of strength and status. I break down the performative masculinity of figures like Donald Trump, Andrew Tate, and Pete Hegseth, and why Chuck Schumer’s attempt to imitate their viral energy falls flat. Together, we’ll unpack the psychological roots of clout chasing, the emotional damage it causes, and the steps we can take to reclaim quiet, disciplined effort as the antidote to a noisy, attention-driven world.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I explore the complex and corrosive nature of hypocrisy, examining the gap between the story we tell about ourselves and the choices that show who we actually are. I unpack how this gap manifests from the grand stage of political contradictions—where optics are valued over honesty—to the quiet corners of our daily lives, where we use self-soothing explanations and "moral licensing" to avoid confronting our own contradictions. I discuss how the pursuit of integrity requires intentional self-cultivation and a commitment to discomfort, before closing out in the final segment, Today Depression Feels Like Being in a Hall of Mirrors, by reframing the internal struggle with mental health as an essential process of choosing to stop performing and walking toward the truth of one's real, unvarnished self.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I dive into the deeply complex and heavy topic of how we decide what's true and how we attribute blame in a world that feels increasingly polarized, exploring the dangerous divide between evidence-based decision-making and the use of events to simply confirm pre-existing political or cultural narratives. I unpack how this pattern erodes the foundations of a shared reality in discussions around major issues like immigration and climate change, and how it fosters the systemic defunding of organizations like the CDC and scientific research. I discuss the broader societal impact of this shift, including the decline of trust in public institutions and the rise of toxic online communities that foster ideological disengagement and nihilism. Finally, I offer a multi-pronged approach for moving forward, focusing on intentional dialogue and information hygiene, before closing out in the final segment, Today Depression Feels Like, by reframing the struggle with mental health as an essential act of trusting the truth of your own experience to find your internal compass in a chaotic world.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I explore the heavy topic of temporal poverty, which is the feeling of having no time for anything other than work and basic survival. The episode delves into how time has become a commodity whose value is increasingly tied to productivity, and how modern capitalism and the "always-on" culture have exacerbated this issue. I also explain how this phenomenon isn't new, tracing its origins to the Industrial Revolution and contrasting it with other cultures' more holistic views on time. Ultimately, I reframe the struggle for time as a collective fight for a shared pace of life, one that re-humanizes us and prioritizes community and authenticity over an extractive culture that views people as resources to be optimized.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I'm diving into a topic that feels overwhelming and personal: the collapse of social norms and the feeling of anger with nowhere to go. I'm exploring what happens when the unwritten rules of our world, from political conduct to online behavior, are disregarded. We'll look at the historical context of these breakdowns, from ancient Rome to modern protest movements, and explore how to maintain hope and integrity when the fight feels overwhelming. I'll share how this sense of a broken system manifests in my own life as a kind of helpless rage, a feeling that can be a core part of depression. Join me as I grapple with these questions and look for ways we can all contribute to rebuilding a shared reality.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I'm diving into a feeling that's been weighing on me: the exhaustion that comes from being watched and controlled. I'm exploring the blurriness between political protest and criminal activity, and how those in power use surveillance to make people feel helpless. We'll look at the story of a Texas state representative who refused to be monitored by police and how that act of dissent connects to my experience as a teacher in Florida, where our ability to strike is off the table. I'll share how the constant mental effort of trying to maintain my autonomy in a world that feels increasingly controlled can feel like a form of perpetual exhaustion, especially when you're also navigating depression. Join me as I grapple with a world that feels fundamentally unreliable and how that external unreliability can bleed into my own sense of self.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I'm diving into a feeling that's been weighing on me: the exhaustion of knowing. The line between fact and fiction feels blurrier than ever, and I'm exploring why this is happening. We'll look at how celebrity lawsuits and political rhetoric can manipulate our perception of reality, and how the rise of social media and influencers has turned information into a free-for-all. I'll share how the constant mental labor of sifting through all this noise—the "work of truth"—can feel like a form of perpetual exhaustion, especially when you're navigating depression. Join me as I grapple with a world that feels fundamentally unreliable, and how this external unreliability can bleed into our own sense of self.
Back-to-school season is a profound transition—not just for children, but for families, communities, and even society at large. In this episode, I reflect on the significance of milestones—from first-day photos that mark growth to the shifting role of public education in America. I explore the complicated emotions behind these changes—the relief and the loneliness, the pride and the nostalgia. I also share my experience with how changes in routine can trigger mental health challenges, particularly the whiplash effect of depression in times of transition. This conversation is an invitation to recognize the layers within these moments, honor your own experience, and seek support when needed.
Recorded 07.24.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I dive into what "normal" truly means today, specifically through the lens of the CDC's recent report on decreasing fertility. This isn't just a number; it's a reflection of evolving societal norms, individual choices, and how we define success and happiness. I explore the economic pressures, career ambitions, and changing gender roles potentially contributing to this shift, examining its global implications, and how it challenges traditional ideas of family and legacy. This leads us to consider how we can bravely forge new, more authentic paths, reclaiming personal agency and finding unburdened joy by consciously disentangling our happiness from external societal expectations, especially those rooted in outdated ideals.
Recorded 07.22.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I explore the "analog revival" I'm witnessing firsthand, from my daughters' captivating camping videos and artistic pursuits to my own immersion in the world of artisans creating with natural materials. This leads to a deeper discussion on how embracing these hands-on, tangible activities is a powerful way to reclaim our time and cultivate a sense of intentional presence in an increasingly digital world. Finally, in the "Today Depression Feels Like" segment, I explore how engaging with the physical world through creative acts can offer a counterbalance to the relentless demands of digital life, providing a path to greater calm and self-compassion.
Recorded 07.18.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I dig into the complex and often contradictory ways society defines adulthood. Starting with the UK's recent decision to lower its voting age to 16, I explore historical precedents in both the UK and US, prompting a broader discussion on the varying ages at which we grant privileges and assign responsibilities, from military service to purchasing alcohol. This leads into a reflection on how the shift where caring for others and fulfilling life's tasks transform into an overwhelming burden can be exacerbated by depression.
Recorded 07.14.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I dive into the nuanced and often challenging journey of "growing up" – a process far deeper than just accumulating years. I explore what it means to be a balanced adult: someone who embraces life's complexities, engages in difficult but crucial conversations, genuinely considers others' needs, receives feedback with grace, and maintains radical honesty, all while holding onto an excitement for continuous exploration. My ongoing, rich conversations with my partner, Eva, serve as a living laboratory for understanding this "uncomfortable grace" in real time. I then extend this idea to the profound influence of behavior models – from parents and teachers to friends and partners – exploring how we discern positive patterns, evolve beyond those that no longer serve us, and consciously become positive forces ourselves. Finally, in the "Today Depression Feels Like" segment, I connect the themes of maturity and influence to the experience of depression, exploring how embracing the discomfort of maturing can provide a path to navigate its complex currents with more understanding and agency, even when it feels like being a child, lost and unsure.
Recorded 07.10.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I dive into the world of tinkering, exploring it as a form of healthy play—especially through the lens of making music with synthesizers and samplers. This leads to a discussion on why embracing our "inner tinkerer" is crucial for mental well-being and healing in adulthood, offering a powerful tool for stress relief, creativity, and self-expression. Finally, in the "Today Depression Feels Like" segment, I share a personal perspective on understanding depression not as a rigid tug-of-war, but as an ebb and flow, and how tools like play, exercise, and socializing can help us navigate these inevitable peaks and valleys with greater gentleness and grace.
In this episode of Finlos Lives, I'm diving deep into the creative process, from that initial spark of an idea to the sometimes messy, often surprising reality of bringing it to life. As I navigate the challenges of creating original music with my new synthesizers and sampler, I'm exploring why ideas rarely translate perfectly, the inevitable mistakes and time distortions that pop up, and how imposter syndrome can whisper doubts. I'll share strategies like breaking down overwhelming tasks, embracing imperfection, learning through doing, and finding inspiration in the world around you. Ultimately, this episode is about shifting focus from external validation to the intrinsic rewards of creation: the joy of learning, the thrill of newness, and the profound satisfaction of completing something, even if it's different from what I first imagined. Join me as I embrace the unfolding melody of my own creative pursuits.
Recorded on 07.01.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I explore the immense scale of the United States, from its diverse natural landscapes and weather patterns to its varied cultures and the inherent challenges of governing such a vast nation. This extensive cross-country journey sparks a deeper reflection on our own internal landscapes, prompting a discussion about embracing the multiplicity within ourselves rather than striving for a singular, unchanging self. Finally, I share a personal reflection on how depression today feels like "the longest hour of the night, just before sunrise," a quiet and enduring struggle defined by the act of waiting for internal light to return.
In this episode I talk about life while being away from home for work: long work days, long walks, and long periods of time alone. I describe what a day working in Cleveland, OH looks like for me, I also describe my experience so far using the five senses.
Recorded on 06.04.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I delve into the multifaceted anxieties surrounding upcoming travel, starting with the current stresses of air travel, from evolving security measures like REAL ID to the impact of air traffic control staffing shortages. This leads me to explore the broader discomforts and potential positives of extended time away from home, including disruptions to routine, the awkwardness of new social situations, and the profound opportunities for growth and new experiences. Finally, I share a personal reflection on how depression today feels like the act of letting go of rigid expectations and opening up to the unpredictable flow of life, especially in the context of travel and personal growth.
Recorded on 06.02.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I explore the profound human need for magic and wonder in an increasingly scientific world, drawing inspiration from the recent spectacular displays of the Aurora Borealis. I delve into the scientific explanations for the aurora's southern reach, alongside its rich interpretations across cultures, from dancing ancestors to omens of fear. This leads to a discussion on how natural beauty acts as vital spiritual fuel, allowing us to connect with something larger than ourselves and find moments of awe. Finally, I share a personal reflection on how depression can manifest as the profound loss of this very wonder, leaving us disengaged from the world's inherent magic.
In this episode of "No Going Back," I'm diving into why some of life's changes, especially those tied to decisions we've made, are truly permanent. We often find ourselves dwelling on regrets, replaying "what ifs" and "if onlys," wishing for a "redo" button on past choices. This longing for a different outcome, whether it's a career path not taken or words we wish we could unsay, can leave us stuck in the past. I'll explore why we struggle to accept the consequences of our actions and why the idea of a "time machine" is so appealing when we're trying to avoid accountability or uncomfortable truths. Join me as I discuss how clinging to these past decisions and worrying about future outcomes stops us from living fully in the present.
Recorded on 05.19.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I tackle the complex interplay of leadership, age, and personal well-being. I open by examining the recent news concerning President Biden's health, and the broader discussion it ignites about the age and fitness of global leaders like Donald Trump. This leads me to explore how different cultures, from the epic of Beowulf to African and Indigenous cultures perceive and define leadership across various life stages. I then pivot to delving into the uncomfortable truth of how Western society, particularly American culture, views aging – often as a taboo to be fought, rather than a natural progression, and how this contrasts sharply with cultures that revere their elders. Finally, I share a reflection on managing depression in midlife, finding a surprising quiet strength by leveraging the unique advantages of accumulated wisdom and continued physical health. Join me as I connect the global stage of leadership to the intimate landscape of mental well-being, all part of finding my rhythm in the ongoing journey.
Episode note: my microphone failed and I had to use audio from a backup room mic to produce this episode (a good reminder to me to always check the equipment before starting!). Because the quality of this audio was poor, I had to use some tools to restore it which lead to audio artifacts and glitchy sounds, for which I apologize.
Recorded on 05.15.2025
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, we navigate various currents – from galactic rebellion to personal solace. I begin by diving deep into the profound resonance of Andor Season 2, exploring why this grounded Star Wars series stands out for its exceptional writing, powerful performances, and its stark, relevant portrayal of authoritarianism and the messy birth of resistance, offering a powerful lens for examining our own world. This discussion leads me to ponder the comfort we find in the familiar, analyzing the psychological science behind re-watching favorite media, discussing cognitive fluency, nostalgia, and emotional regulation, while also considering the potential pitfalls of relying too heavily on the known. Finally, I turn inward for our "Today Depression Feels Like" segment, sharing a personal reflection on finding a quiet reprieve from the internal noise of depression, discovering moments of gentle calm through the simple, vital threads of connection with loved ones and the validating power of seeing our own experiences reflected in media from people who understand. Join me as I connect these seemingly disparate threads – galactic struggles, media habits, and internal battles – all part of finding rhythm in the ongoing journey.
Recorded on 5.12.2025.
In this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I grapple with the multifaceted nature of power, accountability, and personal control. I begin by examining the reach of presidential power, specifically through the lens of executive orders, analyzing their definition, historical usage trends, and the potential implications for the balance of power when combined with discussions around presidential immunity. Shifting focus, I explore the dynamics of delegation in our representative democracy and personal lives, highlighting the paradox of how accountability for failure is often pushed downwards while credit for success is pulled upwards, and considering why we sometimes empower leaders whose intentions may seem questionable. Finally, I turn inward to discuss the profound and painful experience of depression, describing how it often feels like a fundamental loss of autonomy and control over one's own mind and body. Join me as I navigate these complex themes, from the highest levels of government to the deepest personal struggles, all while finding rhythm through physical effort.
Recorded on 5.9.2025.
In this episode, I explore the pervasive theme of internal friction and its profound impact on trust, drawing connections across different scales. I begin by observing the significant internal conflict within the U.S. government that has been unfolding specifically since President Trump's most recent inauguration in January 2025, discussing examples of clashes between branches, agencies, and levels of government and the fundamental questions they raise about stability and trust. Shifting gears, I examine the nature of conflict in our personal relationships, contrasting healthy disagreements that can build connection with destructive patterns that erode trust. Finally, I delve into the deeply personal struggle of how depression can severely damage trust, discussing the isolating experience of feeling like everyone is a potential enemy and the heavy burden this carries. Join me as I connect these seemingly disparate areas through the lens of conflict and the vital challenge of building and maintaining trust.
Recorded 05.06.2025.
On this episode of Rowing with the Homies, I can't shake the image of an AI-generated Pope Trump – it got me thinking about power, influence, and how we see ourselves. Join me as I explore the cultural impact of such grandiose imagery before diving into the dynamics of personality cults, looking at their appeal and potential pitfalls, even drawing lessons from Dune. Then, I'll connect these external forces to the internal experience of depression, examining how a diminished sense of self can make us vulnerable and underscoring why self-awareness and seeking help are so vital.
Recorded on 5.2.2025.
In this episode I engage in exploration of consciousness, that subjective inner awareness that defines our experience. I dive into the leading scientific theories, Integrated Information Theory and Global Neuronal Workspace Theory, and discuss how new research and phenomena like lucid dreaming are complicating our understanding. I also consider how sleep profoundly impacts our conscious state. Shifting gears, I examine the potential for diverse conscious experiences in neurodivergent individuals and the significant alterations trauma can inflict on our internal world. Finally, I ponder the implications of our understanding of human consciousness as we witness the rapid advancements in artificial intelligence, questioning if true sentience is on the horizon for artificial intelligence.
Recorded on 4.28.2025.
In this episode I dive into the often-challenging journey of starting and maintaining an exercise routine while navigating the complexities of mental well-being. I begin by unpacking the common hurdles that prevent many of us from embracing regular physical activity. From the ever-present crunch of time and the weight of psychosocial barriers like motivation and self-doubt, to the real-world limitations of socioeconomic factors and environmental access, we'll explore why good intentions often fall by the wayside. I'll also share a personal reflection on how creating this podcast has become a surprising yet powerful tool for my own accountability and motivation in staying active. Finally, in the "Today depression feels like" segment, we'll confront the frustrating experience of self-sabotage that can be a hallmark of depression and depression-adjacent mental health conditions, particularly when it comes to pursuing healthy habits like exercise. I explore the internal conflict of wanting to feel better yet feeling incapable of taking that first step, and discuss strategies for self-compassion and small, manageable progress.
Recorded on April 22, 2025.
In this episode, I grapple with the Supreme Court case Mahmoud v. Taylor out of Maryland. This case, concerning parents wanting to opt their elementary schoolers out of lessons involving storybooks on gender identity and sexual orientation, has been been on my mind.
I explored the central tension between what some parents see as potential indoctrination and the school board's goal of creating an inclusive curriculum. I also considered how this situation highlights the delicate balance between local educational control and the idea of a more unified national standard. For me, it brings up fundamental questions about where parental rights end and the responsibility of schools to educate all students begins. I also reflected on the professional judgment of teachers in choosing curriculum and how parental veto power might affect that. Ultimately, I aimed to work through these complex issues and connect them to the feeling of endless conflict that can often accompany my dysthymia.
In this episode I discuss how podcast (and other types of media) consumption is often used as a way to replace or mimic meaningful connection and relationships. The intent is not to diminish the value of podcasts (that wouldn't be very productive), but rather to consider how people, especially men/people AMAB can challenge their own consumptive patterns or extractive patters and build meaningful relationships.
This series is focused on combining a healthy exercise routine with conversation about current events, big ideas, and mental health. In this episode I discuss recent research into misaligned circadian rhythms and sleep schedules and how productivity dominates so much of our time. These intersecting ideas have the consequence of making already problematic issues of low energy, negative feelings, and ultimately depression even worse, while exacerbating other conditions like PTSD and dietary issues. The episode wraps by exploring how these realities can combine to make me feel like a sleepwalker in my own life. Recorded 04.20.2025
The struggle with the rowing machine continues, so this episode will feature a walk rather than a rowing session. But, to be honest, the day was so nice I didn't even mind. In this episode I fust look upward to the moon before looking inward and considering our relationship orbits. It's a change of pace from the politics of the prior episodes, but I think it's fun to change things up. You should be able to hear the evening birds in the background as I walk, which is an added bonus (at least for me).
This series is focused on combining a healthy exercise routine with thoughts and discussion about current events, big ideas, and mental health. In this episode I connect the recent nationwide "Hands Off" protests with the human need for connection. I wrap up with a discussion of what I call the "shields up" effect, essentially a barrier to connection that is exacerbated by my dysthymia. I also contend with some equipment issues, but persevere nonetheless. Recorded 04.06.2025
A new series focused on combining a healthy exercise routine with thoughts and discussion about current events, big ideas, and mental health. In this first episode I connect the recent marathon speech by Senator Cory Booker to the challenge of observing measurable change as a result of our direct actions. I wrap up with a discussion of the impact of dysthymia.
Recorded 04.02.2025
It's been nearly six months since the last episode and many things have changed since then. But there's still more work to do, and we're still here to do it.
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In this episode I examine the sources of my identity and consider how much control I or anyone has over their ability to make changes or take ownership of who they are.
Music by Luke Holizna
https://holizna.com/
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In this episode I consider how routines can help to organize time but also contribute to a sense of repetition and boredom. I also consider boredom as a symptom of depression in modern life.
Music by Luke Holizna
https://holizna.com/
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In this episode I shift the conversation about media consumption to consider the ways we seek and internalize journalistic information in order to build "factual" stories about the world around us. So much attention gets paid to the word bias, but how often do we consider our own biases or the reality that there is no communication free of bias because our experiences shape the language we use to relate events to one another. Also, I'm pretty sure that I said "I can remember a time..." at some point in this episode, so I guess I have begun my transition to being an old person. Just call me boomer.
Music by Luke Holizna
https://holizna.com/
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In this episode I discuss how we can use our relationships to media and creatives as practice for how to interact in healthy ways with relationships with the people in our daily lives. I address harm doing, apologies, healing, the role of community, and how all these things are part of the accountability process.
Music by Luke Holizna
https://holizna.com/
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In this episode I discuss what it means to engage with the media we consume as well as the artists and creators who make that media. What happens when we love the art, but loath the artist? Media, whether its books, music, films, paintings, comics, or any art form becomes interwoven into our lives and identities, until the things we love feel like living parts of our lives. This creates the need for complex conversations about how we balance our desire to have our beloved media in our loves with our need to keep a safe distance from toxic artists. I also briefly discuss Denis Villeneuve's DUNE Part II in the context of my changing film watching preferences.
Music by Luke Holizna
https://holizna.com/
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I’m happy to welcome back Eva as co-host to which she brings her knowledge and experience for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This conversation has been broken into segments. The first segment allowed Eva to present a brief history and context for the five love languages as well as some new and emerging alternatives to that framework. In the second segment, Eva began working through each of the five love languages and their connections to patriarchy and colonialism – and included discussion about quality time, physical affection, and words of affirmation. In this, the final part of our conversation about the five love languages, we finish talking about the complexities of affirmation and how it can sometimes be used to manipulate, and finally gift giving. The episode closes with some exploration into what some of our personal love languages are as well as how love is an infinitely adaptable language that must be learned with each new relationship. We remind you that this is a show about communication both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening.
Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/
Episode Notes:
Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/
If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/
Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove
Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330
Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1
Support us on Patreon and PayPal!
I’m happy to welcome back Eva as co-host to which she brings her knowledge and experience for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This conversation has been broken into segments. The first segment allowed Eva to present a brief history and context for the five love languages as well as some new and emerging alternatives to that framework. In this segment, Eva begins working through each of the five love languages and their connections to patriarchy and colonialism – this episode includes discussion about quality time, physical affection, and words of affirmation – though we will come back to that last one again in the final segment. We remind you that this is a show about communication both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening.
Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/
Episode Notes:
Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/
If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/
Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove
Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330
Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1
Support us on Patreon and PayPal!
I am happy to welcome back Eva who brings her knowledge and experience as co-host for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near-ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This is a long and detailed conversation which will be broken into segments, the first of which gives an overview of the origins of the 5 love languages, as well as some new and emerging models exploring how we express love to one-another. I am always excited for these conversations because Eva is such a thoughtful and engaging human, and I always uncover ways in which I, we still have room to grow. When we started this podcast we were dedicated to ensuring that the versions of us you hear in each episode are honest representations of the people we are in our lives and in our relationship. As such, we are evolving people with evolving ideas that reflect new experiences and knowledge acquired over time. The people we are now are not the same as the people were decades ago when we first started this relationship, or even when we started this podcast. This is a show about communication, both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, good and effective communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening.
Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/
Episode Notes:
Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/
If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/
Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove
Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330
Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1
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In this episode I discuss a recent re-viewing of a formative film from my youth: Hackers, and consider its relevance to our modern world. Spoilers: there's actually quite a bit.
Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/
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Welcome to 2024! In this episode I reflect on where I am now by recalling where I was a year ago. I also consider why 2023 was such a challenging year and ponder the future of the podcast.
Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/
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This is a general "quick thoughts" episode discussing recent comments by Hunter Biden, the third trailer for Dune: Part 2, and media and friends.
Music by Luke Holizna - https://holizna.com/
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In this episode I reaffirm my dedication to the podcast as I discuss the experience of decision paralysis.
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This is a new series of interviews about people's relationships with music. In this episode we revisit Devon to talk about his time in the hardcore music scene, his recent love for love and new soul, and the universe's vibrations.
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This is a special episode of the podcast featuring my father, Ignacio Sr. Eva, Vivienne, and sat down with him recently for this interview, the first of what will hopefully be several covering his whole life. In this episode we talk about his early life in Honduras, moving the Miami in the 1950s, his relationships with his parents, and much more.
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In this episode I look back at my 41st year after having recently celebrated my birthday. I discuss areas of growth, areas where growth is needed, and give some thanks to the people who make sure to show me I'm loved.
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In this episode I talk about the incoming story and consider how I have been affected by prior storms.
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Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well.
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Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well.
Support us on Patreon and PayPal!
Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well.
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In this episode I explore feeling fat and all the feelings that accompany that loaded idea. Fatness and fat-phobia are intrinsic to American life, and as such I am both the recipient of harm and also guilty of perpetuating intersectionally opressive beauty standards.
Music: "Death" and "Whatever Happens Between" by HoliznaCC0
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In this episode I spend a little time following up on the the Finlos Loves episodes about the art of the f*ck up, discussing how a produced episode about a relationship does not always accurately convey the reality of what a relationship looks like. Also, I give a spoiler-filled review of the series Star Trek Picard.
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This is the second half of our conversation.
Eva joins me once again, this time for a conversation about making mistakes. Except, in this context it’s less about the mistake itself and more about harm, how we react when we do harm, and how to begin to heal after harm. Everyone makes mistakes and so everyone causes harm at some point. But when denial, shame, fear, insecurity, and anxiety all get into the mix, the fuck up is what is made. The fuck up is both the act and the person, an ouroboros of codependency and guilt. In this episode Eva helps to navigate some of the reasons why so many fall into the pattern of the fuck up, some of the potential sources for the pattern, why apologies often fall short, and what accountability really looks like.
Additional information: The Four Parts of Accountability
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Eva joins me once again, this time for a conversation about making mistakes. Except, in this context it’s less about the mistake itself and more about harm, how we react when we do harm, and how to begin to heal after harm. Everyone makes mistakes and so everyone causes harm at some point. But when denial, shame, fear, insecurity, and anxiety all get into the mix, the fuck up is what is made. The fuck up is both the act and the person, an ouroboros of codependency and guilt. In this episode Eva helps to navigate some of the reasons why so many fall into the pattern of the fuck up, some of the potential sources for the pattern, why apologies often fall short, and what accountability really looks like.
Additional information: The Four Parts of Accountability
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In this episode I spend time remembering some of the details of that shape my memory of my mother. Title credit to Rebecca Sugar, creator of Steven Universe.
Episode notes
Music by Luke Holizna, https://holizna.com/
Equipment used
Interface: Rode Rodecaster Pro II: https://amzn.to/3mDAZyT
Mic: Earthworks Ethos: https://amzn.to/3GE59ZW
Mic stand: Samson MK-10: https://amzn.to/3m1EWwE
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In this episode I spend time remembering some of the details of that shape my memory of my mother. Title credit to Rebecca Sugar, creator of Steven Universe.
Episode notes
Music by Luke Holizna, https://holizna.com/
Equipment used
Interface: Zoom Podtrak P4: https://amzn.to/3Z1nN55
Mic: Oktava MK-101
Mic stand: Samson MK-10: https://amzn.to/3m1EWwE
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In this episode I consider 20 years of life without my mother. Title credit to Rebecca Sugar, creator of Steven Universe.
Episode notes
Music by Luke Holizna, https://holizna.com/
Equipment used
Interface: Zoom Podtrak P4: https://amzn.to/3Z1nN55
Mic: Aston Stealth: https://amzn.to/3IRfPWD
Mic stand: Samson MK-10: https://amzn.to/3m1EWwE
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In this episode I work through missing Eva while she's on a trip, and give a quick review of Netflix's Boo, Bitch.
Episode notes
Music by Luke Holizna, https://holizna.com/
Equipment used
Interface: TC Helicon Go Solo: https://amzn.to/3IOzpTq
Mic: Aston Origin (I used the black set): https://amzn.to/41nsuYC, https://amzn.to/3Ew8atZ
Mic stand: Samson MK-10: https://amzn.to/3m1EWwE
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In this episode I react to recent Florida policies regarding race and gender, and discuss how an old acquaintance was an early teacher of economic disruption. A special thanks to Eva whose conversation informed much of what I discuss.
Episode notes
Music by Luke Holizna, https://holizna.com/
Equipment used
Interface: Lewitt Connect 6: https://amzn.to/3YkOPEb
Mic: Sontronics Corona
Pop filter: sE Electronics - Pro Metal Pop Filter https://amzn.to/3XRWlGL
Mic stand: Elgato Wave Mic Arm (low profile): https://amzn.to/3JYxiNB
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Hanoch Schmalbach, a friend that I have known since the 9th grade. For as long as I have known him Hanoch has resisted definition or categorization for most aspects of his life. Whether this is by choice or just inherent to his Aquarius nature, I (or he) may never know. What I do know is that Hanoch is an artist, an actor, a photographer, a musician, a fish farmer, an electrician, and a teacher of young children, sometimes all at the same time. This is part of a conversation we had a few months back where we discussed the influences of trauma and culture on his parents.
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In this episode I discuss how we sometimes set ourselves up for failure with New Year Resolutions. Also, I reply to comments from the "Holiday Magic" episode as well as my review of the Last Ronin. Finally, I give a review of HBO's His Dark Materials.
Episode notes
Relevant Links:
https://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/578959/shaman-santa/
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Music
"Way, Way Out There" by Holizna Radio
Equipment used
Interface: Lewitt Connect 6 https://amzn.to/3WiIQxN
Mic: Austrian Audio OD5 https://amzn.to/3XjdjNz
Pop filter: sE Electronics - Pro Metal Pop Filter https://amzn.to/3QMKqXy
Mic stand: Samson https://amzn.to/3ZUtN0m
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In this episode I review the Last Ronin, a graphic novel about the last surviving member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I also explore my relationship with the Ninja Turtles franchise and its history.
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In this episode I reflect on our parental philosophy and specifically how that informed our approach to holidays, family traditions, and how we help our children to make magic.
Episode notes
Music
Lo-Fi Hip Hop Mood by Alex Prodictions
And the Wild Water Lapping on the Crag by REW__
Barombi-ma_Mbu by REW__
Equipment used
Interface: TC Helicon Go Solo https://amzn.to/3VIHpIB
Mic: CAD E100S (unavailable) - similar model: https://amzn.to/3XaKZwp
Pop filter: sE Electronics - Pro Metal Pop Filter https://amzn.to/3XRWlGL
Mic stand: Samson MK-10 https://amzn.to/3jSwj6I
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Aarum You-Heil, a friend and former student. Aarum belonged to my first Creative Writing class at Lincoln High School in Tallahassee, and is now a Ph.D student at the University of GA. In this episode we discuss how she came to post-graduate studies, the importance of food to maintaining culture, and how the death of her brother impacted her family.
Episode notes:
Information about Aarum Youn-Heil:
Profile at the University of Georgia: https://grady.uga.edu/ph-d-profile-farrah-youn-heil/
Equipment
Host mic: Oktava MK-319
Introduction Mic: Neat King Bee version 1
Interface: Lewitt Connect 6
https://amzn.to/3FX2uKD
Pop filter: sE Electronics Pro Metal Pop Filter
https://amzn.to/3uYNaHo
Mic stand: Samson Mk-10 Boom Stand
https://amzn.to/3FY5W7X
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This episode features an interview with a Florida high school teacher who I won't name in order to protect her job. We discuss challenges to her role as educator, mentor, and sponsor of her schools Genders & Sexualities Alliance with the uncertain aftermath of Governor DeSantis' Parental Rights in Education or "Don't Say Gay" bill. I also consider some of the context for the recent anti-progressive policies in Florida and many other states.
Episode Notes:
Recorded in studio with phone-in guest.
Equipment used:
- Audio interface: Lewitt Connect 6 https://amzn.to/3UIndG9
- Intro and Outro mic: sE Electronics VooDoo VR1 https://amzn.to/3uwGVu2
- Interview mic: sE Electronics Dynacaster https://amzn.to/3F8euHQ
- Desk Boom: Elgato Wave Mic Arm (low profile) https://amzn.to/3iBHVu1
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In this episode I reflect on the first year of the Finlos Lives podcast including what I've learned, the origin of the name, and why I'm even doing this. I also discuss my thoughts on season one of the Disney+ series Star Wars: Andor.
Episode notes
Solo podcast recorded in the studio.
Equipment used
Interface: https://amzn.to/3iEtXrC
Mic: Sennheiser Blackfire 541
Pop filter: https://amzn.to/3XRWlGL
Boom: https://amzn.to/3XTyciS
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Virgil Suarez, a friend, colleague, and Mentor. Virgil was one of my first and definitely most influential writing instructors in the Creative Writing program at Florida State University. In this episode we discuss his family's move from Cuba to the US after Castro's rise to power, using writing to understand our own truths, and the importance of continuity in life.
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In this episode I discuss turning 40 and my lifelong anxiety around mortality and aging. In addition, I review the film Prey for the Devil.
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This episode features an interview with Floridian Nicholas Troyer, who recently survived hurricane Ian. He and his family sheltered at home during the storm. In the past they chose to evacuate to the school where they both teach, which also serves as a disaster community storm shelter. Our conversation highlights the often overlooked importance of schools and teachers during times of upheaval.
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In this episode I discuss the recent phenomenon referred to as the "Quiet Quit" -- described as remote workers doing just enough to get by, or eventually so little they are fired. In addition, I review the Netflix series Locke and Key.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Dr. Tomi Gomory, a friend, colleague, and Mentor. Our lives intertwined when he taught my partner Eva in graduate school while I was teaching his daughter in high school. In this episode we discuss his family's move to the US after the Holocaust, the risks of obedience, and finding a through line through his life.
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This week I discuss the struggles of how we balance all the things we juggle in our daily lives.
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This week I discuss transitioning away from summer and from teaching as well as Amazon Prime's the Wheel of Time.
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This week I discuss liminal spaces, the James Webb Telescope, and Netflix's Archive 81.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Alice Motes, a long-time friend. We discuss growing up in multicultural Miami, the impact of multi-origin parents, and international perspectives on life in America.
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This week I discuss long-term relationships, threats to civil democracy, and Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode is Bobe McBride, a friend and fellow educator. We discuss growing up in rural southern Georgia, the impact of his parents on who he became as an adult, and how education and teacher training could make changes for the better, especially in a post-covid period.
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A brief show to mark the arbitrary count of 20 episodes, as well as a quick review of the first four episodes of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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Finlos Teaches is a show that explores practical classroom experiences, policy matters, the the teaching experience from educators in the field.
In this episode I discuss concerns and potential consequences relating to challenges of books in public schools and libraries. This topic was recently brought to the fore for Adam Tritt, a teacher and elected official in Brevard County, Florida, when his Gofundme project raising money to purchase challenged books was discovered by a local activist group and posted online. On one side, supporters of Moms for Liberty accused Tritt of being a groomer and encouraging inappropriate content, and on the other his supporters have now donated over $20,000. I had the chance to interview him for this episode.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
My guest for this episode has impacted many lives throughout his career. Harry Nerenberg has been involved in education since he graduated from college. Whether teaching in an inner-city school in Philadelphia or an alternative school in Miami, or as a guidance counselor to a generation of graduates, harry has never questioned his chosen work. And unlike many who leave education exhausted or jaded, it took a pandemic to finally get him to accept retirement. Even now, he can be found volunteering on campus or advising young people in his community as they work through the college admission process. In this episode you’ll hear about his unwavering belief in the worth of all children, his dedication to his lifelong partner, and about the importance of having a comfortable seat in your office.
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Finlos Loves is a show about relationships and how they work, or don't work. We offer our honest stories with guidance from professional and personal experience as therapist, teacher, and two decades of being in relationship. This episode focuses on patterns of communication and how those patterns can become barriers. The conversation is broken into several segments, the third of which finishes the the discussion about the Disney film Encanto,the complications when language can serve as a colonizing force, and offering some tools to help strengthen communication.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
In this episode I interview Tom Flanigan from Tallahassee's WFSU Public Radio station. We discuss his varying experiences in broadcast radio, the relationship between newscaster and audience, and that time he almost became a rock star.
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Finlos Teaches is a show that explores practical classroom experiences, policy matters, the the teaching experience from educators in the field.
Recent data indicates that teachers are exiting the profession at an alarming rate. Common reasons are burnout, lack of pay, lack of respect, and an expectation that what can be asked of teachers is limitless. In this episode I have a conversation with Jen DeRemer. She is a fifteen-year classroom teacher veteran, and recently made the difficult decision to leave the classroom. Her experience is like so many others as teachers reach their limits.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
In this episode I interview Justin David about his career as an actor, his pursuit of the arts against the wishes of his parents, and his ability to "bullshit just about anything."
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Finlos Loves is a show about relationships and how they work, or don't work. We offer our honest stories with guidance from professional and personal experience as therapist, teacher, and two decades of being in relationship. This episode focuses on patterns of communication and how those patterns can become barriers. The conversation is broken into several segments, the second of which addresses barriers to communication, causing harm, and the connections between communication in relationships and the Disney film Encanto.
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Finlos Loves is a show about relationships and how they work, or don't work. We offer our honest stories with guidance from professional and personal experience as therapist, teacher, and two decades of being in relationship. This episode focuses on patterns of communication and how those patterns can become barriers. The conversation is broken into several segments, the first of which addresses families of origin, the tendency for some partners to lose the thread of the story of their relationship, and the experience of talking, but not always being heard.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
In this episode I interview Dr. Avni Vyas about motherhood and a shifting identity, blending aspects of her parents into herself, and how her poetry is the "static between the fur of words."
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
In this episode I interview Devon about moving across the country with his family as part of a cult; becoming a part of the hardcore scene in Tallahassee, Fl; being out of sync with his body; and the loss of a parent.
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In this episode I explore the pros and cons of the use of standardized tests, and featuring the opinions of actual students.
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In this episode Naeem joins me to discuss his reactions to Stephen King's the Gunslinger. We talk about the plot, the strengths of the writing, and how our reactions to texts change to match our life experiences. After that I review the graphic novel Snow, Glass, Apples, an adaptation of Neil Gaiman's short story by artist Colleen Doran.
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Finlos Asks is a show about how people live and grow amidst impermanence. Interviews feature people who have encountered cultural shifts and life changes and explore how they have endured and flourished in life's constant changes.
In this episode I interview Reggie about moving to Miami, FL from London, UK; career changes; and growing older.
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Finlos Loves is a show about relationships and how they work, or don't work. We offer our honest stories with guidance from professional and personal experience as therapist, teacher, and two decades of being in relationship. This episode focuses on the concept of decentering and what the potential risks of self-centered behaviors and perspectives can be. The conversation covers many related ideas from child rearing, to enmeshment, to pop culture. If you have comments or questions, please leave them on social media.
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Highlights from the week of teaching -- this episode focuses on the short story Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O'Connor and the interactions I had with students as they unraveled the text's layers, from racism to politics to Pixar.
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In this episode I give an overview of Stephen King's approach to writing this novel, some of his sources of inspirations, and why it is a worthy read even if you have no intention of starting yet another connected world series of books.
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A discussion about the cultural and technological context around the release of the Matrix (1999).
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This episode wraps up the conversation about Dune with considerations of criticisms and limitations of the work, as well as my final thoughts for what the book has to offer.
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This is the second episode of my Dune series and focuses on Paul Atreides and the development of his character.
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In this episode I discuss worldbuilding elements in Frank Herbert's Dune. These are details that are often omitted from film adaptations, and only obscurely referenced in the original novels.
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