Alien View: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior: Recent Episodes
Alien View, LLC
Step out of your human skin for a while, and join us while we take a different view of the world. The Alien View. For more, visit AlienView.org
Reality : “Listen to those who know me.”
Faithful Human: “Reality? Is that you? I am listening to these voices. All of the experts. The Scientists. The Philosophers. The Historians. The Psychiatrists. All of Them.”
Reality: “What are you talking about? I told you to listen to those who know me.”
Alien: “Human. Wake up. You’ve been asleep. You’ve been dreaming. It’s time to face the truth.”
Faithful Human: “I’m sorry. I’ve been listening to the Voices of Reason.”
Alien: “You mean the voices of human reason. Haven’t you learned anything from our conversations? What does your puny human intellect have to do with the truths of the greater world around you?
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Reality : “Listen to those who know me.”
Faithful Human: “Reality? Is that you? I am listening to these voices. All of the experts. The Scientists. The Philosophers. The Historians. The Psychiatrists. All of Them.”
Reality: “What are you talking about? I told you to listen to those who know me.”
Alien: “Human. Wake up. You’ve been asleep. You’ve been dreaming. It’s time to face the truth.”
Faithful Human: “I’m sorry. I’ve been listening to the Voices of Reason.”
Alien: “You mean the voices of human reason. Haven’t you learned anything from our conversations? What does your puny human intellect have to do with the truths of the greater world around you?
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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P: “So, you’re building a humanoid that can give and receive love?”
S: “Sure. Why not?”
P: “But why do humans love each other?”
S: “Not sure. But a lovable humanoid robot that can both give and receive love might be quite popular. I can see the patents already!”
P: “But that begs the question. What is love? And what makes humans lovable?”
S: “Well, I could start by creating an agreeable human that’s always pleasant.”
P: “But humans that are in love can also fight and disagree. I would hate a human companion that always agreed with me. My spouse has saved my butt countless times, by doling out unwanted, but desperately needed advice.”
S: “This is getting confusing. So I should build a humanoid that is sometimes disagreeable in order to make it lovable?”
P: “Exactly.”
S: “But when should it agree or disagree? Sounds like an impossible task!”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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P: “So, you’re building a humanoid that can give and receive love?”
S: “Sure. Why not?”
P: “But why do humans love each other?”
S: “Not sure. But a lovable humanoid robot that can both give and receive love might be quite popular. I can see the patents already!”
P: “But that begs the question. What is love? And what makes humans lovable?”
S: “Well, I could start by creating an agreeable human that’s always pleasant.”
P: “But humans that are in love can also fight and disagree. I would hate a human companion that always agreed with me. My spouse has saved my butt countless times, by doling out unwanted, but desperately needed advice.”
S: “This is getting confusing. So I should build a humanoid that is sometimes disagreeable in order to make it lovable?”
P: “Exactly.”
S: “But when should it agree or disagree? Sounds like an impossible task!”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Human: “Death? What are you doing here?”
Death: “Sorry. I didn’t know I needed an invitation.”
Human: “Maybe not, but we didn’t call you, so why are you here?”
Death: “But you did call. Is there something I can do for you?”
Human: “Don’t be ridiculous! We most certainly did not call you.”
Death: “You know, it never ceases to amaze me how many times I get called, and the caller doesn’t even know it. Yet, your actions keep inviting me close.”
Human: “Well, we don’t want you ‘close’, so find something else to do.”
Death: “Oh, okay. So, that means you'll stop calling me?”
Human: “Look. Nobody’s calling you. Better get your ears checked.”
Death: “Well, no one calls me by name. It’s their actions that call me.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Human: “Death? What are you doing here?”
Death: “Sorry. I didn’t know I needed an invitation.”
Human: “Maybe not, but we didn’t call you, so why are you here?”
Death: “But you did call. Is there something I can do for you?”
Human: “Don’t be ridiculous! We most certainly did not call you.”
Death: “You know, it never ceases to amaze me how many times I get called, and the caller doesn’t even know it. Yet, your actions keep inviting me close.”
Human: “Well, we don’t want you ‘close’, so find something else to do.”
Death: “Oh, okay. So, that means you'll stop calling me?”
Human: “Look. Nobody’s calling you. Better get your ears checked.”
Death: “Well, no one calls me by name. It’s their actions that call me.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Sally: “Congratulations on your new job! You must be excited!”
Sam: “Thanks. Yes, it is very exciting.”
Sally: “So, what exactly will you be doing?”
Sam: “Well, I’m sort of the hidden power behind the scenes.”
Sally: “Really? Sounds intriguing. What’s your title?”
Sam: “My official title is Chief Psychologist of the Federal Reserve.”
Sally: “Wow. That’s a mouthful.”
Sam: “It's usually abbreviated CPFR, but most people just call me Cypher.”
Sally: “What does the job entail?”
Sam: “Well, my task is to help people understand that the Federal Reserve’s view of the economy is the correct one. That our predictions are flawless. That our policy decisions are based on sound economics, not political expediency. And most importantly, that any real, objective observations in the actual economy that conflict with our pronouncements are illusory. They’re simply distortions caused by imperfect measurements, or transitory fluctuations.”
Sally: “Hmm. So, if I understand you correctly, the goal is to convince people to ignore what is happening under their own noses, and to go with your interpretation of reality, even if it conflicts with their day-to-day experience?”
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Sally: “Congratulations on your new job! You must be excited!”
Sam: “Thanks. Yes, it is very exciting.”
Sally: “So, what exactly will you be doing?”
Sam: “Well, I’m sort of the hidden power behind the scenes.”
Sally: “Really? Sounds intriguing. What’s your title?”
Sam: “My official title is Chief Psychologist of the Federal Reserve.”
Sally: “Wow. That’s a mouthful.”
Sam: “It's usually abbreviated CPFR, but most people just call me Cypher.”
Sally: “What does the job entail?”
Sam: “Well, my task is to help people understand that the Federal Reserve’s view of the economy is the correct one. That our predictions are flawless. That our policy decisions are based on sound economics, not political expediency. And most importantly, that any real, objective observations in the actual economy that conflict with our pronouncements are illusory. They’re simply distortions caused by imperfect measurements, or transitory fluctuations.”
Sally: “Hmm. So, if I understand you correctly, the goal is to convince people to ignore what is happening under their own noses, and to go with your interpretation of reality, even if it conflicts with their day-to-day experience?”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Alien: “One of the problems with you humans is that you don’t understand what your brains are for.”
Human: “What do you mean? We know perfectly well what our brains are for! They’re useful for all sorts of things. The brain interprets internal signals from the body and external ones from the environment. Then, we respond to them.”
Alien: “You just described a lizard’s brain. Let me rephrase my comment. While you humans seem to grasp that your brains are more ‘advanced’ than supposedly ‘lower creatures’, you don’t understand how they got that way.”
Human: “Well, we are obviously more intelligent than other creatures. This is our planet, after all. We rule the roost!”
Alien: “Yes, you’re all geniuses. But why humans and not other creatures? If your intelligence is so marvelous, then why haven’t other life-forms developed similar levels of intelligence?”
Human: “Didn’t we out-compete them?”
Alien: “That’s a nice way of saying that you killed them all. Life is not all peaches and cream. Humans don’t like competition, so any creatures that are even remotely threatening to you are tossed out the tenth floor window. Not to mention all the other creatures that you’ve either eaten to extinction, or ruined their habitats. That explains why there are no longer any other ‘homo’ species. Only homo sapiens. The brain is an organ that evolved through a process of natural selection, which is a nice way of saying that less brainy humans either got intentionally killed or simply died off because you out-competed them for mates and resources. You do understand that humans can be competitive killers, right?”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Alien: “One of the problems with you humans is that you don’t understand what your brains are for.”
Human: “What do you mean? We know perfectly well what our brains are for! They’re useful for all sorts of things. The brain interprets internal signals from the body and external ones from the environment. Then, we respond to them.”
Alien: “You just described a lizard’s brain. Let me rephrase my comment. While you humans seem to grasp that your brains are more ‘advanced’ than supposedly ‘lower creatures’, you don’t understand how they got that way.”
Human: “Well, we are obviously more intelligent than other creatures. This is our planet, after all. We rule the roost!”
Alien: “Yes, you’re all geniuses. But why humans and not other creatures? If your intelligence is so marvelous, then why haven’t other life-forms developed similar levels of intelligence?”
Human: “Didn’t we out-compete them?”
Alien: “That’s a nice way of saying that you killed them all. Life is not all peaches and cream. Humans don’t like competition, so any creatures that are even remotely threatening to you are tossed out the tenth floor window. Not to mention all the other creatures that you’ve either eaten to extinction, or ruined their habitats. That explains why there are no longer any other ‘homo’ species. Only homo sapiens. The brain is an organ that evolved through a process of natural selection, which is a nice way of saying that less brainy humans either got intentionally killed or simply died off because you out-competed them for mates and resources. You do understand that humans can be competitive killers, right?”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Big Dog: “Little Dog, do you know what a crypt is?”
Little Dog: “Crypt?”
Big Dog: “It’s a burial place. Used to store coffins with dead bodies in them.”
Little Dog: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Big Dog: “Cryptocurrencies are dead bodies. That’s where the name comes from.”
Little Dog: “Haha. Very funny. Nothing of the sort. The name comes from cryptography. Secure communication. In this case, secure from government interference.”
Big Dog: “And do you know why cryptocurrencies are dead bodies?
Little Dog: “I’m not listening to this. You sound like Grumpy Grampa. I don’t have time for your negativity.”
Big Dog: “Because of the question I asked you before.”
Little Dog: “What question?”
Big Dog: “Competition. What about competition?”
Little Dog: “What about it?”
Big Dog: “Governments don’t like it.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Big Dog: “Little Dog, do you know what a crypt is?”
Little Dog: “Crypt?”
Big Dog: “It’s a burial place. Used to store coffins with dead bodies in them.”
Little Dog: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Big Dog: “Cryptocurrencies are dead bodies. That’s where the name comes from.”
Little Dog: “Haha. Very funny. Nothing of the sort. The name comes from cryptography. Secure communication. In this case, secure from government interference.”
Big Dog: “And do you know why cryptocurrencies are dead bodies?”
Little Dog: “I’m not listening to this. You sound like Grumpy Grampa. I don’t have time for your negativity.”
Big Dog: “Because of the question I asked you before.”
Little Dog: “What question?”
Big Dog: “Competition. What about competition?”
Little Dog: “What about it?”
Big Dog: “Governments don’t like it.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Little Dog: “Oh, Gramps, you always wake up on the wrong side of the bed. The Dognet can also spread useful ideas and promote public education. Improve the knowledge base of the citizenry! Elevate the level of intellectual dialogue!”
Grumpy Grampa: “The Dognet’s clearly demonstrated what the vast majority of dogs are interested in. Stupid cat videos, dogs chasing squirrels, ridiculous conspiracy theories, deep 15 second ‘insights’, and pornography. And when something scientifically accurate is shared, it’s about 3D-printed guns, recipes for roadside bombs, and designs for nuclear or biological weapons.”
LD: “Why can’t you see the positive benefits? Thanks to the miracles of our modern age, we’re benefitting from an explosion of technology. We can now communicate across vast expanses of geography, and connect with different cultures. By bringing dogs closer together and emphasizing our shared heritage, we can promote world harmony. We can weave stronger bonds, which will lead to a brighter and safer future.”
GG: “I’ll admit there’s plenty of good dogs in the world, but technology’s enabling the small minority of bad actors to rip apart the fabric of civilization. By vastly increasing the ability of those who want to disrupt society, we now have backpack bombs, mass shootings, and flash mobs of angry dogs who can coordinate and wreak havoc in an eyeblink.”
LD: “But that can be a good thing, too! In repressive political systems, it enables ‘freedom fighters’ to plan demonstrations, spread important information that the government is suppressing, and coordinate activities.”
GG: “One dog’s freedom fighter is another dog’s terrorist. You’re completely missing my point. Technology, for better or worse, enables the few to disrupt the many.
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Little Dog: “Oh, Gramps, you always wake up on the wrong side of the bed. The Dognet can also spread useful ideas and promote public education. Improve the knowledge base of the citizenry! Elevate the level of intellectual dialogue!”
Grumpy Grampa: “The Dognet’s clearly demonstrated what the vast majority of dogs are interested in. Stupid cat videos, dogs chasing squirrels, ridiculous conspiracy theories, deep 15 second ‘insights’, and pornography. And when something scientifically accurate is shared, it’s about 3D-printed guns, recipes for roadside bombs, and designs for nuclear or biological weapons.”
LD: “Why can’t you see the positive benefits? Thanks to the miracles of our modern age, we’re benefitting from an explosion of technology. We can now communicate across vast expanses of geography, and connect with different cultures. By bringing dogs closer together and emphasizing our shared heritage, we can promote world harmony. We can weave stronger bonds, which will lead to a brighter and safer future.”
GG: “I’ll admit there’s plenty of good dogs in the world, but technology’s enabling the small minority of bad actors to rip apart the fabric of civilization. By vastly increasing the ability of those who want to disrupt society, we now have backpack bombs, mass shootings, and flash mobs of angry dogs who can coordinate and wreak havoc in an eyeblink.”
LD: “But that can be a good thing, too! In repressive political systems, it enables ‘freedom fighters’ to plan demonstrations, spread important information that the government is suppressing, and coordinate activities.”
GG: “One dog’s freedom fighter is another dog’s terrorist. You’re completely missing my point. Technology, for better or worse, enables the few to disrupt the many.
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Dictatorship: “I am you and you are me. Happy, happy, are not we? Haha! I’m a poet!”
Democracy: “Don’t be ridiculous! You’re a dictator. I’m the democratically elected head of my people. I am nothing like you. We couldn’t be more different!”
Dictatorship: “Democratically elected? Hmm… Let’s see. You suppress dissent. You cancel voices that you label harmful, which conveniently are voices opposed to your own. You manipulate public opinion by promoting your preferred narrative. You game the system to make sure you get reelected by gerrymandering voting districts and passing restrictive voting laws.”
Democracy: “And you don’t do those things?”
Dictatorship: “Of course I do! I’m a dictator, remember? And I told you we’re alike, didn’t I? You are the one who claims otherwise.
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Dictatorship: “I am you and you are me. Happy, happy, are not we? Haha! I’m a poet!”
Democracy: “Don’t be ridiculous! You’re a dictator. I’m the democratically elected head of my people. I am nothing like you. We couldn’t be more different!”
Dictatorship: “Democratically elected? Hmm… Let’s see. You suppress dissent. You cancel voices that you label harmful, which conveniently are voices opposed to your own. You manipulate public opinion by promoting your preferred narrative. You game the system to make sure you get reelected by gerrymandering voting districts and passing restrictive voting laws.”
Democracy: “And you don’t do those things?”
Dictatorship: “Of course I do! I’m a dictator, remember? And I told you we’re alike, didn’t I? You are the one who claims otherwise.
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Voter: “Senator, can you please lead us? You know, tell us the truth! Don’t hold back! Inspire us to a better future!”
Senator: “What? Tell you the truth? Are you kidding? If I do that, you won’t reelect me.”
Voter: “Why not? Everybody loves an inspirational leader.”
Senator: “Yes, but you also mentioned something about telling the truth. Things are a bit more complicated than that. Inspiration is an art. Truth is ugly. I can’t paint a beautiful picture full of ugly truths. The key to inspiration is to stick with platitudes and empty expressions devoid of any real meaning. Vagueness is the key: family, honor, sacrifice, love. That sort of thing.”
Voter: “Sounds pretty cynical to me.”
Senator: “Well, you asked. The reality’s that people don’t like to hear the truth if it involves uncomfortable facts.”
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Male: “Maybe so, but keeping things obvious must be our approach.”
Female: “And why is that?”
Male: “Because it’s the obvious things that they’re messing up. Things that are right in front of their face. Things they already know are true.”
Female: “And what do you hope to accomplish by that? They’ll dismiss you as a simpleton.”
Male: “Our goal is to help them understand that it’s not their intellect that’s the problem. It’s their behavior. On an intellectual plane, they already understand all of the stupid stuff they’ve gotten themselves into. They just don’t know how to escape from it, because they persist in employing their intellect to solve the problem.”
Female: “That's because if they don’t use their intellect, they’d need to change their behavior. That’s a lot more difficult.”
Male: “Exactly.”
Female: “But they’re humans! And, in case you didn’t get the memo, they’re not going to stop being humans. Your approach seems a bit naive and way too optimistic.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Voter: “Senator, can you please lead us? You know, tell us the truth! Don’t hold back! Inspire us to a better future!”
Senator: “What? Tell you the truth? Are you kidding? If I do that, you won’t reelect me.”
Voter: “Why not? Everybody loves an inspirational leader.”
Senator: “Yes, but you also mentioned something about telling the truth. Things are a bit more complicated than that. Inspiration is an art. Truth is ugly. I can’t paint a beautiful picture full of ugly truths. The key to inspiration is to stick with platitudes and empty expressions devoid of any real meaning. Vagueness is the key: family, honor, sacrifice, love. That sort of thing.”
Voter: “Sounds pretty cynical to me.”
Senator: “Well, you asked. The reality’s that people don’t like to hear the truth if it involves uncomfortable facts.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Male: “Maybe so, but keeping things obvious must be our approach.”
Female: “And why is that?”
Male: “Because it’s the obvious things that they’re messing up. Things that are right in front of their face. Things they already know are true.”
Female: “And what do you hope to accomplish by that? They’ll dismiss you as a simpleton.”
Male: “Our goal is to help them understand that it’s not their intellect that’s the problem. It’s their behavior. On an intellectual plane, they already understand all of the stupid stuff they’ve gotten themselves into. They just don’t know how to escape from it, because they persist in employing their intellect to solve the problem.”
Female: “That's because if they don’t use their intellect, they’d need to change their behavior. That’s a lot more difficult.”
Male: “Exactly.”
Female: “But they’re humans! And, in case you didn’t get the memo, they’re not going to stop being humans. Your approach seems a bit naive and way too optimistic.”
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Big Dog: “Pure science precisely describes the way the world works. Economics practitioners describe the way they think the world should work, as opposed to describing how it really works.”
Little Dog: “I dunno. Not sure that’s accurate. There’s a daunting amount of mathematics in the field of economics. Pretty impressive stuff.”
Big Dog. “Maybe. But does anybody use the theory of gravity to persuade someone to behave one way or the other? Gravity is gravity. It applies regardless of canine behavior. And most importantly, canine behavior can’t modify its basic principles. The force of gravity is proportional to the masses of each body and the square of the distance between them. End of story. No hedonic quality adjustments needed.”
Little Dog: “Hedonic quality adjustments? What the heck is that?
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Big Dog: “Pure science precisely describes the way the world works. Economics practitioners describe the way they think the world should work, as opposed to describing how it really works.”
Little Dog: “I dunno. Not sure that’s accurate. There’s a daunting amount of mathematics in the field of economics. Pretty impressive stuff.”
Big Dog. “Maybe. But does anybody use the theory of gravity to persuade someone to behave one way or the other? Gravity is gravity. It applies regardless of canine behavior. And most importantly, canine behavior can’t modify its basic principles. The force of gravity is proportional to the masses of each body and the square of the distance between them. End of story. No hedonic quality adjustments needed.”
Little Dog: “Hedonic quality adjustments? What the heck is that?
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Little Dog: “Wow, that’s scary. I really do have two minds, huh? And my unconscious mind is smart enough to know that it should alert me when my name is barked? Pretty amazing.”
Big Dog: “Amazing indeed.”
Little Dog: “So, which one of them is in charge? It almost sounds like the unconscious mind is calling the shots, since it decides what’s important enough to alert the conscious mind to.”
BIg Dog: “Then again, maybe the conscious mind has instructed the unconscious mind about what is important and what to bring to its attention.”
Little Dog: “Woof. This is getting way too complicated. I was happier thinking that I had just one mind. Life was a lot simpler.”
Big Dog: “Not really. You’d be flooded with loads of irrelevant information that would drive you crazy. Just like all those distracting barks in the dog park. Can you imagine having to keep track of every conversation?”
Little Dog: “Here we go again. Let me try one more time. Who exactly decides what is important and how do they know which particular details to focus on in life?”
Big Dog: “Hard to say.”
Little Dog: “ARF! Okay, I’m going home now.”
Big Dog: “Why?”
Little Dog: “Because you’re ruining my science project!”
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Little Dog: “Wow, that’s scary. I really do have two minds, huh? And my unconscious mind is smart enough to know that it should alert me when my name is barked? Pretty amazing.”
Big Dog: “Amazing indeed.”
Little Dog: “So, which one of them is in charge? It almost sounds like the unconscious mind is calling the shots, since it decides what’s important enough to alert the conscious mind to.”
BIg Dog: “Then again, maybe the conscious mind has instructed the unconscious mind about what is important and what to bring to its attention.”
Little Dog: “Woof. This is getting way too complicated. I was happier thinking that I had just one mind. Life was a lot simpler.”
Big Dog: “Not really. You’d be flooded with loads of irrelevant information that would drive you crazy. Just like all those distracting barks in the dog park. Can you imagine having to keep track of every conversation?”
Little Dog: “Here we go again. Let me try one more time. Who exactly decides what is important and how do they know which particular details to focus on in life?”
Big Dog: “Hard to say.”
Little Dog: “ARF! Okay, I’m going home now.”
Big Dog: “Why?”
Little Dog: “Because you’re ruining my science project!”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Jimbo: “Hey Julie!”
Julie: “Oh, hi Jimbo.”
Jimbo: “Julie, why do you even bother?”
Julie: “Huh? What do you mean?”
Jimbo: “With reality. Why do you worry so much about it?”
Julie: “Uh, are you feeling okay?”
Jimbo. “Seriously! You need to get with the program. Bring your mind into the 21st century. Yer livin’ in the past. One of the miracles of modern technology is the ability to change reality to whatever we want.”
Julie: “Oh, you mean things like virtual reality, realistic video games, and social media echo chambers? You certainly are pretty good at occupying your time with all that stuff. I have my own priorities. Heaven forbid you actually faced the real reality for a change. Why am I even saying this? Real reality? Shouldn’t that be the only one?”
Jimbo: “You just don’t get it. Why bother with reality when fantasy is so much better? Why feel bad for no reason? Better yet, why feel bad even when you have a reason? With the help of mind-altering drugs, we can enter a better world. Make virtual reality into the real thing!”
Julie: “Mind-altering drugs? Are you serious? Your video games and social media buddies aren’t enough? Now you’re taking drugs?”
Jimbo: “You really need to catch up to modern times, Julie.”
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Jimbo: “Hey Julie!”
Julie: “Oh, hi Jimbo.”
Jimbo: “Julie, why do you even bother?”
Julie: “Huh? What do you mean?”
Jimbo: “With reality. Why do you worry so much about it?”
Julie: “Uh, are you feeling okay?”
Jimbo. “Seriously! You need to get with the program. Bring your mind into the 21st century. Yer livin’ in the past. One of the miracles of modern technology is the ability to change reality to whatever we want.”
Julie: “Oh, you mean things like virtual reality, realistic video games, and social media echo chambers? You certainly are pretty good at occupying your time with all that stuff. I have my own priorities. Heaven forbid you actually faced the real reality for a change. Why am I even saying this? Real reality? Shouldn’t that be the only one?”
Jimbo: “You just don’t get it. Why bother with reality when fantasy is so much better? Why feel bad for no reason? Better yet, why feel bad even when you have a reason? With the help of mind-altering drugs, we can enter a better world. Make virtual reality into the real thing!”
Julie: “Mind-altering drugs? Are you serious? Your video games and social media buddies aren’t enough? Now you’re taking drugs?”
Jimbo: “You really need to catch up to modern times, Julie.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Future: “Ah, Mr. Past History! How are things going?
Past: “Just doing fine, Ms. Future History. How about with you?”
Future: “Okay, I guess. I was just marveling at how people have such short memories. Good thing, huh? There are so many important things to do. We need to focus on what lies ahead! Why crowd our minds with the past?”
Past: “Hmm… Not sure about that. The past can teach us a lot if you study its lessons carefully.”
Future: “But why burden the future with bad memories of things gone wrong? Too much negativity! We need to focus on the bright future ahead of us! Why be burdened with the sins of the past? Besides, history is so foggy. Memories fade quickly. Past events are subject to interpretation depending on who you ask, right? So, that provides us with a wonderful opportunity! If history is a bit foggy, then why not simply change it? Why be burdened with the sins of the past? Let’s just pretend they never happened!”
Past: “But history can provide some valuable lessons. You of all people should know that. Sometimes painful events from the past can serve as a warning to be more humble and cautious in the future.”
Future: “What? No, no, no. You don’t understand. History should be flexible. Pliable. Subject to interpretation to suit one’s future needs. Besides, you’re ignoring the enormous benefits. Just think! If we can change or even erase our memories about all the dumb things we’ve done in the past, then the future looks even brighter!”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Future: “Ah, Mr. Past History! How are things going?
Past: “Just doing fine, Ms. Future History. How about with you?”
Future: “Okay, I guess. I was just marveling at how people have such short memories. Good thing, huh? There are so many important things to do. We need to focus on what lies ahead! Why crowd our minds with the past?”
Past: “Hmm… Not sure about that. The past can teach us a lot if you study its lessons carefully.”
Future: “But why burden the future with bad memories of things gone wrong? Too much negativity! We need to focus on the bright future ahead of us! Why be burdened with the sins of the past? Besides, history is so foggy. Memories fade quickly. Past events are subject to interpretation depending on who you ask, right? So, that provides us with a wonderful opportunity! If history is a bit foggy, then why not simply change it? Why be burdened with the sins of the past? Let’s just pretend they never happened!”
Past: “But history can provide some valuable lessons. You of all people should know that. Sometimes painful events from the past can serve as a warning to be more humble and cautious in the future.”
Future: “What? No, no, no. You don’t understand. History should be flexible. Pliable. Subject to interpretation to suit one’s future needs. Besides, you’re ignoring the enormous benefits. Just think! If we can change or even erase our memories about all the dumb things we’ve done in the past, then the future looks even brighter!”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Engineer: “Well, the irrationality of humans believing that they’re better drivers than they really are is not something that I can control. As self-driving cars become increasingly safe, many people will utilize them: business commuters, people with poor vision or other disabilities, the elderly, etc. Many people will jump at the opportunity!”
Psychologist: “I agree. But there are still important issues that you can’t avoid. You have to consider all the drivers on the road, not just those who are passengers in self-driving cars. For example, what speed will your self-driving cars travel on the highway?”
E: “Why, the speed limit, of course.”
P: “Then you’re going to piss off almost everybody else on the road, including those business commuters riding in your self-driving cars, because nobody drives at the speed limit. You’ve got to be realistic.”
E: “Sorry, but if our autonomous vehicles travel above the posted speed limit, it will expose our company to all sorts of legal problems. If there’s an accident, we’ll be accused of travelling at an unsafe speed. And government authorities wouldn’t be too pleased if we programmed our vehicles to travel in excess of the posted speed limit. I mean, the speed limit is there for a reason, right?”
P: “Yes, but as a psychologist I can assure you that the posted speed limit on many highways is there to informally tell people that they can safely travel 5 to 7 miles per hour above that speed without getting a ticket. Have you looked at the track record of red light and speed limit cameras? They’re not too popular. If you force everybody to travel at the exact speed limit, your self-driving cars may not be so popular, either.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Big Dog: “Maybe, but trust is not something to take for granted. Trust isn’t inevitable. It can be shattered in a thousand ways. A smoothly functioning society has a high level of trust between its citizens. A lousy one, not so much. Look around DogWorld, Little Dog. Regardless of the political system, culture, geography, or ethnicity of the inhabitants, the countries that struggle the most have problems with trust. The citizens don’t trust each other. And they don’t trust their governments, many of which are corrupt. We dogs would do best to keep this foremost in our minds: In order to build a stable, prosperous, and civilized society, one must start with trust and integrity. Without them, there is no hope.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Big Dog: “Maybe, but trust is not something to take for granted. Trust isn’t inevitable. It can be shattered in a thousand ways. A smoothly functioning society has a high level of trust between its citizens. A lousy one, not so much. Look around DogWorld, Little Dog. Regardless of the political system, culture, geography, or ethnicity of the inhabitants, the countries that struggle the most have problems with trust. The citizens don’t trust each other. And they don’t trust their governments, many of which are corrupt. We dogs would do best to keep this foremost in our minds: In order to build a stable, prosperous, and civilized society, one must start with trust and integrity. Without them, there is no hope.”
AlienView: Where Science and Technology Meet Human Behavior
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Please send a note to comments@alienview.org
Check out our videos on YouTube
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Wall Street Quant: “Ugh. This is so frustrating! I don’t understand why I didn’t see this coming!”
Artificial Intelligence Expert: “See what coming?”
WS Quant: “The market pullback. The stock market’s plunged over 25%, but my model predicted it would keep going up.”
AI Expert: “Hmm. For an expert quant on Wall Street, that’s not a good look. As an expert in Artificial Intelligence, I suggest you look into employing the tools of my trade. You’re behind the times. At any rate, that’s too bad about your failed prediction. Did you backtest your model?”
Wall Street Quant: “Ugh. This is so frustrating! I don’t understand why I didn’t see this coming!”
Artificial Intelligence Expert: “See what coming?”
WS Quant: “The market pullback. The stock market’s plunged over 25%, but my model predicted it would keep going up.”
AI Expert: “Hmm. For an expert quant on Wall Street, that’s not a good look. As an expert in Artificial Intelligence, I suggest you look into employing the tools of my trade. You’re behind the times. At any rate, that’s too bad about your failed prediction. Did you backtest your model?”
Teacher: “Johnny, I’m sorry to tell you, but you received another low score on the last math exam.”
Johnny: “Sorry, Mrs. Arse. Which problems did I get wrong?”
T: “Well, you didn’t get any of them wrong, but that’s not the issue. I’ve told you countless times that you must show your work.”
J: “So I got a hundred percent?”
T: “No, you earned a sixty percent because you lost points for not showing your work!”
J: “Oh. Sorry.”
T: “Sorry? Is that all you have to say young man? Why can’t you be more like the other students?”
J: “Did any of them get all the problems correct?”
T: “Don’t be impertinent, young man! You’re completely missing my point. Look at Sammy here. He got an 88 because he carefully explained his thought process on each and every question.”
J: “But he only got half of the problems correct.”
T: “Yes, but he explained his thinking.”
J: “But isn’t it more important to get the problem correct, rather than have a convincing explanation for the wrong answer?”
T: “Johnny, you’re still very young and naive to the ways of the world. It’s far more important in life to sound convincing, rather than to silently stand there with the correct view. Nobody will believe you. In every field of life: politics, economics, psychology, religion, you name it, the important thing is to sound convincing. That’s the key to success in life. Nobody really knows the answers to most questions anyway, so being correct has nothing to do with it. It’s the persuasive communicator that people will believe.”
Teacher: “Johnny, I’m sorry to tell you, but you received another low score on the last math exam.”
Johnny: “Sorry, Mrs. Arse. Which problems did I get wrong?”
T: “Well, you didn’t get any of them wrong, but that’s not the issue. I’ve told you countless times that you must show your work.”
J: “So I got a hundred percent?”
T: “No, you earned a sixty percent because you lost points for not showing your work!”
J: “Oh. Sorry.”
T: “Sorry? Is that all you have to say young man? Why can’t you be more like the other students?”
J: “Did any of them get all the problems correct?”
T: “Don’t be impertinent, young man! You’re completely missing my point. Look at Sammy here. He got an 88 because he carefully explained his thought process on each and every question.”
J: “But he only got half of the problems correct.”
T: “Yes, but he explained his thinking.”
J: “But isn’t it more important to get the problem correct, rather than have a convincing explanation for the wrong answer?”
T: “Johnny, you’re still very young and naive to the ways of the world. It’s far more important in life to sound convincing, rather than to silently stand there with the correct view. Nobody will believe you. In every field of life: politics, economics, psychology, religion, you name it, the important thing is to sound convincing. That’s the key to success in life. Nobody really knows the answers to most questions anyway, so being correct has nothing to do with it. It’s the persuasive communicator that people will believe.”
Theoretical Physicist: “Look, we’ve been through this many times. The world has changed. We’re not living in the dark ages anymore. There are more scientists alive today than in the entire history of the human race. Accidental discoveries are over. We must focus our efforts on well-defined tasks. As you know, experimental physics is no longer conducted by a lone scientist working late into the night in their home laboratory. We now have international teams of scientists working with multi-million dollar lab equipment. We can’t afford to grope around blindly in the dark, hoping to discover new things.”
Experimental Physicist: “Fine. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Well, now that I’m here, what’s your request?”
TP: “Strings. Vibrating strings. That is what you need to look for.”
EP: “Ah, well, as luck would have it, I’m going to the symphony tonight!”
TP: “Very funny. Look, I’m serious. You’re not making any progress on proving my version of string theory, which is clearly the correct model of the universe. It’s so elegant.”
EP: “Yes, I’m humbled by your genius. But, my dear colleague, what exactly am I searching for? Your requests are too vague. I need specifics. I live in the real world, not in the imaginary worlds you create with your pencil and paper.”
TP: “Well, for starters, you need more energy. Higher collision speeds. Bigger particle accelerators.”
EP: “Then write to your congresswoman for more funding. The last time I checked, you wanted an accelerator that has a bigger diameter than the entire earth. How exactly am I supposed to do that?”
Theoretical Physicist: “Look, we’ve been through this many times. The world has changed. We’re not living in the dark ages anymore. There are more scientists alive today than in the entire history of the human race. Accidental discoveries are over. We must focus our efforts on well-defined tasks. As you know, experimental physics is no longer conducted by a lone scientist working late into the night in their home laboratory. We now have international teams of scientists working with multi-million dollar lab equipment. We can’t afford to grope around blindly in the dark, hoping to discover new things.”
Experimental Physicist: “Fine. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Well, now that I’m here, what’s your request?”
TP: “Strings. Vibrating strings. That is what you need to look for.”
EP: “Ah, well, as luck would have it, I’m going to the symphony tonight!”
TP: “Very funny. Look, I’m serious. You’re not making any progress on proving my version of string theory, which is clearly the correct model of the universe. It’s so elegant.”
EP: “Yes, I’m humbled by your genius. But, my dear colleague, what exactly am I searching for? Your requests are too vague. I need specifics. I live in the real world, not in the imaginary worlds you create with your pencil and paper.”
TP: “Well, for starters, you need more energy. Higher collision speeds. Bigger particle accelerators.”
EP: “Then write to your congresswoman for more funding. The last time I checked, you wanted an accelerator that has a bigger diameter than the entire earth. How exactly am I supposed to do that?”
Human: “Excuse me. Are you my brain cells? Can you please tell me who’s in charge? I’d like to have a word with them.”
Brain Cells: “We thought you were in charge.”
Human: “What? Are you serious? I change my mind every minute! My emotions are all over the place! We need better organization here! More consistency. More predictability.”
Brain Cells: “Well, what do you want us to do?”
Human: “Get organized!”
Brain Cells: “We are organized. Well, sort of. Some of us help keep your heart beating, while others help your breathing. Stuff like that.”
Human: “Well, do you have a committee for each of these functions? Who directs your activities? You can’t just leave everything to chance. Do you have a maintenance department if something goes wrong? A conflict resolution committee? Complaint department? I really need to talk to the complaint department. Sometimes my feelings are completely out of control.”
Brain Cells: “Sorry. No committees. Sometimes we manage to pick up the slack if a few of us die out, but we have no idea how that works either.”
Human: “Excuse me. Are you my brain cells? Can you please tell me who’s in charge? I’d like to have a word with them.”
Brain Cells: “We thought you were in charge.”
Human: “What? Are you serious? I change my mind every minute! My emotions are all over the place! We need better organization here! More consistency. More predictability.”
Brain Cells: “Well, what do you want us to do?”
Human: “Get organized!”
Brain Cells: “We are organized. Well, sort of. Some of us help keep your heart beating, while others help your breathing. Stuff like that.”
Human: “Well, do you have a committee for each of these functions? Who directs your activities? You can’t just leave everything to chance. Do you have a maintenance department if something goes wrong? A conflict resolution committee? Complaint department? I really need to talk to the complaint department. Sometimes my feelings are completely out of control.”
Brain Cells: “Sorry. No committees. Sometimes we manage to pick up the slack if a few of us die out, but we have no idea how that works either.”
Russian Dictator: “Boy, is this going to be good!”
Hispanic Dictator: “Oh, yeah? What’s cooking?”
Russian D: “Only the best stew ever! I’ve cooked up a nice, fat, juicy virus. Haha. Want a taste?”
Hispanic D: “Ah, no thanks. I’m on a diet. Deadly viruses are strictly off-limits. Who’s it for?”
Russian D: “It’s a gift for my freedom-loving friends.”
Hispanic D: “Haha! Nice gift! How will you give it to them?”
Russian D: “Well, it will have to be a secret, of course. I love secrets. Don’t you?”
Hispanic D: “Are you kidding? Secrets and lies are my stock-in-trade! But I still don’t understand what the purpose of your virus is.”
Russian D: “Why, to wreak havoc, death, and destruction, of course!”
Hispanic D: “Nice! But how do you intend to pull it off? Deadly viruses can be tricky to work with. Not that I would know, of course. We would never deal in such atrocities.”
Russian D: “Right, right. Your morality shames me. At any rate, the key is the pre-made cure. First, the virus will be released right here, in my own backyard. Being a repressive regime, I can declare an emergency and lock down my citizens immediately. People will have to comply. I am a repressive regime, after all. By locking down, we’ll be able to limit the damage. But since the virus is very contagious, inevitably some infected people will make it to other countries.”
Hispanic D: “Hey, wait a minute! What about my country?”
Russian D: “No problem! You are a repressive regime, too! You can lock everybody down the same way I can!”
Hispanic D: “True, but we can’t be locked down forever.”
Russian D: “That’s where the pre-made cure comes in! After a while, we announce that we’ve miraculously invented a vaccine to protect against this dreaded virus. We will inoculate our population first, and then generously offer the cure to other nations. Think of the positive publicity!”
Hispanic D: “Ah, put me first in line for the cure please!”
Russian D: “No worries! After all, we repressive regimes need to stick together!”
Hispanic D: “And what about those freedom-loving countries? What happens to them?”
Russian D: “That is the best part! They will be in total chaos. You see, they can’t lock down. Their citizens won’t listen to scientific reason. And not being authoritative states, the populace will spread the virus like crazy! They will squeal about their freedom, which in this case includes the freedom to die.”
Russian Dictator: “Boy, is this going to be good!”
Hispanic Dictator: “Oh, yeah? What’s cooking?”
Russian D: “Only the best stew ever! I’ve cooked up a nice, fat, juicy virus. Haha. Want a taste?”
Hispanic D: “Ah, no thanks. I’m on a diet. Deadly viruses are strictly off-limits. Who’s it for?”
Russian D: “It’s a gift for my freedom-loving friends.”
Hispanic D: “Haha! Nice gift! How will you give it to them?”
Russian D: “Well, it will have to be a secret, of course. I love secrets. Don’t you?”
Hispanic D: “Are you kidding? Secrets and lies are my stock-in-trade! But I still don’t understand what the purpose of your virus is.”
Russian D: “Why, to wreak havoc, death, and destruction, of course!”
Hispanic D: “Nice! But how do you intend to pull it off? Deadly viruses can be tricky to work with. Not that I would know, of course. We would never deal in such atrocities.”
Russian D: “Right, right. Your morality shames me. At any rate, the key is the pre-made cure. First, the virus will be released right here, in my own backyard. Being a repressive regime, I can declare an emergency and lock down my citizens immediately. People will have to comply. I am a repressive regime, after all. By locking down, we’ll be able to limit the damage. But since the virus is very contagious, inevitably some infected people will make it to other countries.”
Hispanic D: “Hey, wait a minute! What about my country?”
Russian D: “No problem! You are a repressive regime, too! You can lock everybody down the same way I can!”
Hispanic D: “True, but we can’t be locked down forever.”
Russian D: “That’s where the pre-made cure comes in! After a while, we announce that we’ve miraculously invented a vaccine to protect against this dreaded virus. We will inoculate our population first, and then generously offer the cure to other nations. Think of the positive publicity!”
Hispanic D: “Ah, put me first in line for the cure please!”
Russian D: “No worries! After all, we repressive regimes need to stick together!”
Hispanic D: “And what about those freedom-loving countries? What happens to them?”
Russian D: “That is the best part! They will be in total chaos. You see, they can’t lock down. Their citizens won’t listen to scientific reason. And not being authoritative states, the populace will spread the virus like crazy! They will squeal about their freedom, which in this case includes the freedom to die.”
Cindy: “I don’t know how you deal with your son Tommy. It must be so hard.”
Sandy: “Yes. Having a mentally ill son is certainly a challenge at times.”
Cindy: “It must affect your own mental health. The constant hospitalizations, his refusal to have medical check-ups, his unwillingness to live anywhere but on a park bench, his alcohol and drug use, his being preyed on by strangers, the list is endless! And the way he speaks to his own mother! Such foul language, when all you’re trying to do is help him! How do you keep yourself sane?”
Sandy: “Well, I use the Tommy Rule.”
Cindy: “The Tommy Rule? What’s that?”
Sandy: “I constantly remind myself that he lives in a fantasy world. A world with conspiracies swirling around him, unsafe apartments with poison gas secretly pumped into them by government agents, and crazy doctors who refuse to accept that he is perfectly sane.”
Cindy: “And that helps?”
Sandy: “Yes, because that world doesn’t exist. So, I don’t take it seriously. I take his illness seriously, but I don’t take his fantasies seriously.”
Cindy: “Hmm.. I wonder if that would work on my husband?”
Cindy: “I don’t know how you deal with your son Tommy. It must be so hard.”
Sandy: “Yes. Having a mentally ill son is certainly a challenge at times.”
Cindy: “It must affect your own mental health. The constant hospitalizations, his refusal to have medical check-ups, his unwillingness to live anywhere but on a park bench, his alcohol and drug use, his being preyed on by strangers, the list is endless! And the way he speaks to his own mother! Such foul language, when all you’re trying to do is help him! How do you keep yourself sane?”
Sandy: “Well, I use the Tommy Rule.”
Cindy: “The Tommy Rule? What’s that?”
Sandy: “I constantly remind myself that he lives in a fantasy world. A world with conspiracies swirling around him, unsafe apartments with poison gas secretly pumped into them by government agents, and crazy doctors who refuse to accept that he is perfectly sane.”
Cindy: “And that helps?”
Sandy: “Yes, because that world doesn’t exist. So, I don’t take it seriously. I take his illness seriously, but I don’t take his fantasies seriously.”
Cindy: “Hmm.. I wonder if that would work on my husband?”
Meteorologist: “Ah, I see your name tag there. Nice to meet you. What brings you to the party?”
Economist: “Oh, well my wife is a friend of the family. I’m just tagging along.”
M: “Me too! So, what do you do for a living?”
E: “I’m an economist.”
M: “Ah, we’re in similar professions. I’m a meteorologist.”
E: “Hmm. Not sure that our fields are that much alike. While we’re both in the prediction business, my goals are considerably more ambitious.”
M: “Oh, how so?”
E: “Well, we economists are in charge of fine-tuning the levers of public policy to ensure a smooth-running financial system.”
M: “Ah, I see. Well, unless I start seeding more rain clouds with iodide, I guess I’m stuck just making predictions.”
E: “Indeed.”
M: “Since you’re able to control things so effectively, I’m guessing that your predictions about the economy are pretty accurate?”
E: “Ah, well, ah, it’s a bit more complicated than that.”
Meteorologist: “Ah, I see your name tag there. Nice to meet you. What brings you to the party?”
Economist: “Oh, well my wife is a friend of the family. I’m just tagging along.”
M: “Me too! So, what do you do for a living?”
E: “I’m an economist.”
M: “Ah, we’re in similar professions. I’m a meteorologist.”
E: “Hmm. Not sure that our fields are that much alike. While we’re both in the prediction business, my goals are considerably more ambitious.”
M: “Oh, how so?”
E: “Well, we economists are in charge of fine-tuning the levers of public policy to ensure a smooth-running financial system.”
M: “Ah, I see. Well, unless I start seeding more rain clouds with iodide, I guess I’m stuck just making predictions.”
E: “Indeed.”
M: “Since you’re able to control things so effectively, I’m guessing that your predictions about the economy are pretty accurate?”
E: “Ah, well, ah, it’s a bit more complicated than that.”
Julie: “Hi Jimbo. What’s that on the kitchen table?”
Jimbo: “Oh, hi Julie! You mean my new machine? Didn’t you get one?”
Julie: “Get what? I’ve never seen anything like it. What does it do?”
Jimbo: “Well, it’s a printer.”
Julie: “Oh, for your computer?”
Jimbo: “Naw. It’s a money printin’ machine.”
Julie: “A what? Uh, Jimbo. Those are illegal. Haven’t you had enough problems with the law lately? You can’t just print money, you know.”
Jimbo: “Incorrecto, Miss Julie! It’s all perfectly legal.”
Julie: “Huh?”
Jimbo: “Well, the government decided it was more efficient to allow people to print their own money, rather than sendin’ it to ‘em each month. With so many different benefits now, it was gittin’ too hard to keep track of ‘em all: Electric bill subsidies, fuel assistance, rent abatements, childcare credits, food stamps, free cell phones, subsidized school lunches, free health insurance, welfare benefits, you name it.”
Mr. D: “Welcome team. Thank you for taking the time to meet today. As you know, we have a very serious problem that requires our immediate attention. I’ve asked Sarah to join us from Engineering, Don from Public Relations, and Anne from Accounting. Sarah, could you please start us off by sharing your thoughts?”
Sarah: “Thank you, Mr. Derriere. As we all know, the recent structural collapse of Charity Hospital’s west wing has resulted in numerous injuries. Miraculously, no one was killed. Ironically, the injured had to be transported to other area hospitals since Charity Hospital was forced to shut down due to the chaos and damage. Since we were the engineering and construction firm for this project…”
Mr. D: “Thank you, Sarah”.
Sarah: “Huh?”
Mr. D: “Thank you.”
Sarah: “For what? I didn’t even get started! We’re under the microscope here, with several ongoing investigations by city, state, and federal regulators.”
Mr. D: “I’m sorry, Sarah, but this is a Bleet meeting.”
Sarah: “A what?”
Human: “You know, Mr. Super Brilliant Alien, you’re really getting tiresome to deal with lately. Why do you constantly belittle our efforts to solve the serious global problems that we’re confronted with? We’re not as inept as you think.”
Alien: “Then why do you only focus on ‘feel good’ problems, while ignoring the others, which are far more likely to finish you off?”
Human: “Huh? Care to be more specific?”
Alien: “Not really, but I’m having a slow Earth day, so let's give it a try. I doubt the conversation will go anywhere, though. Our discussions rarely lead to any constructive action on your part.”
Human: “So why do you even bother? Why not leave us alone and go back to wherever you came from?”
Alien: “Great question! At any rate, here’s an example. Global warming is a ‘feel good’ problem. It affects the entire planet, but most importantly, it requires cooperation from all of humanity to solve it. Every culture, every civilization, every country must pull together in global harmony to tackle this existential threat. How am I doing? Sound about right?”
Human: “Absolutely! We must unite our efforts globally to reorganize our economies around renewable, clean energy. Our planet is warming up at an alarming rate, and could threaten our very survival.”
Human: “You know, Mr. Super Brilliant Alien, you’re really getting tiresome to deal with lately. Why do you constantly belittle our efforts to solve the serious global problems that we’re confronted with? We’re not as inept as you think.”
Alien: “Then why do you only focus on ‘feel good’ problems, while ignoring the others, which are far more likely to finish you off?”
Human: “Huh? Care to be more specific?”
Alien: “Not really, but I’m having a slow Earth day, so let's give it a try. I doubt the conversation will go anywhere, though. Our discussions rarely lead to any constructive action on your part.”
Human: “So why do you even bother? Why not leave us alone and go back to wherever you came from?”
Alien: “Great question! At any rate, here’s an example. Global warming is a ‘feel good’ problem. It affects the entire planet, but most importantly, it requires cooperation from all of humanity to solve it. Every culture, every civilization, every country must pull together in global harmony to tackle this existential threat. How am I doing? Sound about right?”
Human: “Absolutely! We must unite our efforts globally to reorganize our economies around renewable, clean energy. Our planet is warming up at an alarming rate, and could threaten our very survival.”
Julie: “Hi Jimbo. What’s that on the kitchen table?”
Jimbo: “Oh, hi Julie! You mean my new machine? Didn’t you get one?”
Julie: “Get what? I’ve never seen anything like it. What does it do?”
Jimbo: “Well, it’s a printer.”
Julie: “Oh, for your computer?”
Jimbo: “Naw. It’s a money printin’ machine.”
Julie: “A what? Uh, Jimbo. Those are illegal. Haven’t you had enough problems with the law lately? You can’t just print money, you know.”
Jimbo: “Incorrecto, Miss Julie! It’s all perfectly legal.”
Julie: “Huh?”
Jimbo: “Well, the government decided it was more efficient to allow people to print their own money, rather than sendin’ it to ‘em each month. With so many different benefits now, it was gittin’ too hard to keep track of ‘em all: Electric bill subsidies, fuel assistance, rent abatements, childcare credits, food stamps, free cell phones, subsidized school lunches, free health insurance, welfare benefits, you name it.”
Mr. J: “Hello, this is Mr. Johnson calling. Is this the director of the Crabcake County Mental Health agency?”
Director: “Yes, sir. How can I help you?”
Mr. J: “Well, it’s my daughter. She’s acting very erratically and doing all sorts of strange things. Ever since she stopped taking her psychiatric medication, she’s been really struggling.”
Director: “Ah, I see. However, I regret to inform you that your daughter recently rescinded her permission for us to speak with her family. Since she’s 30 years old and a legal adult, that is her right. So, I can’t comment specifically about your daughter’s case. Sorry.”
Mr. J: “So, my mentally ill daughter is in charge? You can’t work with her family to help her? Her mother is a physician and her brother is a psychologist. She’s a diagnosed schizophrenic. She had been doing great for over 10 years on her medication, but now, at 30 years old, she’s suddenly decided to completely stop her meds. She’s been off them for almost a year now, and’s been hospitalized four times for threatening other people, psychotic delusions, hearing voices, threatening suicide, breaking the law, you name it! On top of that, she thinks she’s perfectly fine, even though she’s sleeping in her car because she’s convinced there’s poison gas being pumped into her apartment due to some kind of secret government plot!”
Director: “Yes, well, I understand your concern. However, unless she’s at imminent risk of harm to herself or others, we can’t hospitalize her again.
Mr. J: “Hello, this is Mr. Johnson calling. Is this the director of the Crabcake County Mental Health agency?”
Director: “Yes, sir. How can I help you?”
Mr. J: “Well, it’s my daughter. She’s acting very erratically and doing all sorts of strange things. Ever since she stopped taking her psychiatric medication, she’s been really struggling.”
Director: “Ah, I see. However, I regret to inform you that your daughter recently rescinded her permission for us to speak with her family. Since she’s 30 years old and a legal adult, that is her right. So, I can’t comment specifically about your daughter’s case. Sorry.”
Mr. J: “So, my mentally ill daughter is in charge? You can’t work with her family to help her? Her mother is a physician and her brother is a psychologist. She’s a diagnosed schizophrenic. She had been doing great for over 10 years on her medication, but now, at 30 years old, she’s suddenly decided to completely stop her meds. She’s been off them for almost a year now, and’s been hospitalized four times for threatening other people, psychotic delusions, hearing voices, threatening suicide, breaking the law, you name it! On top of that, she thinks she’s perfectly fine, even though she’s sleeping in her car because she’s convinced there’s poison gas being pumped into her apartment due to some kind of secret government plot!”
Director: “Yes, well, I understand your concern. However, unless she’s at imminent risk of harm to herself or others, we can’t hospitalize her again.
Mr. D: “Welcome team. Thank you for taking the time to meet today. As you know, we have a very serious problem that requires our immediate attention. I’ve asked Sarah to join us from Engineering, Don from Public Relations, and Anne from Accounting. Sarah, could you please start us off by sharing your thoughts?”
Sarah: “Thank you, Mr. Derriere. As we all know, the recent structural collapse of Charity Hospital’s west wing has resulted in numerous injuries. Miraculously, no one was killed. Ironically, the injured had to be transported to other area hospitals since Charity Hospital was forced to shut down due to the chaos and damage. Since we were the engineering and construction firm for this project…”
Mr. D: “Thank you, Sarah”.
Sarah: “Huh?”
Mr. D: “Thank you.”
Sarah: “For what? I didn’t even get started! We’re under the microscope here, with several ongoing investigations by city, state, and federal regulators.”
Mr. D: “I’m sorry, Sarah, but this is a Bleet meeting.”
Sarah: “A what?”
Male Computational Neuroscientist: “This is going to be a long flight, eh? Ah, I see you have a name tag on. Are you by any chance heading to the conference on human behavior?
Female Psychologist: “Why, yes.”
Male: “Well, it’s nice to meet you! That’s also my destination! So, what do you do for a living?”
Female: “I’m a clinical psychologist. And you?”
Male: “I’m a computational neuroscientist, specializing in brain disorders.”
Female:: “Interesting. I specialize in behavioral disorders. Sometimes I wonder if our fields are working on the same thing. What do you think?”
Male: “Indeed they are! My ultimate goal is to show that they’re exactly the same. All brain functions can be reduced to computation, after all. With the advent of large datasets and faster processing speeds, the secrets of the mind are soon to be revealed!”
Female: “Oh? How so?”
Male: “Simple. By building complex mathematical models of neural networks using the new science of artificial intelligence! With our modern tools, we’re now able to simulate brain function and emergent behavior!”
Female: “Artificial intelligence and neural networks are new? Weren’t they around back in the fifties? And weren't researchers working on the same thing back then that you’re doing now?”
Male Computational Neuroscientist: “This is going to be a long flight, eh? Ah, I see you have a name tag on. Are you by any chance heading to the conference on human behavior?
Female Psychologist: “Why, yes.”
Male: “Well, it’s nice to meet you! That’s also my destination! So, what do you do for a living?”
Female: “I’m a clinical psychologist. And you?”
Male: “I’m a computational neuroscientist, specializing in brain disorders.”
Female:: “Interesting. I specialize in behavioral disorders. Sometimes I wonder if our fields are working on the same thing. What do you think?”
Male: “Indeed they are! My ultimate goal is to show that they’re exactly the same. All brain functions can be reduced to computation, after all. With the advent of large datasets and faster processing speeds, the secrets of the mind are soon to be revealed!”
Female: “Oh? How so?”
Male: “Simple. By building complex mathematical models of neural networks using the new science of artificial intelligence! With our modern tools, we’re now able to simulate brain function and emergent behavior!”
Female: “Artificial intelligence and neural networks are new? Weren’t they around back in the fifties? And weren't researchers working on the same thing back then that you’re doing now?”
Nature: “Sounds like you have your work cut out for you. Why do you allow these humans to run amok like this? Can’t you exert better control over them?”
Engineer: “Well, I had this peculiar notion that it would be more robust to allow the humans to have their own agency. I never imagined they would screw things up this way! The system is becoming increasingly fragile. I’m not even sure how to go about fixing it! At least not without destroying the whole thing and starting over again.”
Nature: “Surely there must be some way of controlling these humans. Perhaps you could explain the nature of the problem to them?”
Engineer: “That’s the most frustrating part. They’re already aware of the problem. Yet they seem incapable of solving it without destroying their freedom, which they cherish greatly. Part of the problem is that no one is really in charge. These humans band together in different groups that compete against each other. They need to form one big group with a unified goal.”
Nature: “What’s stopping them?”
Engineer: “Variability. They each have their own innate dispositions and life histories. This huge variety leads to all sorts of different behaviors. They seem incapable of agreeing on anything! Even obvious facts are disputed.”
Nature: “Sounds like you have your work cut out for you. Why do you allow these humans to run amok like this? Can’t you exert better control over them?”
Engineer: “Well, I had this peculiar notion that it would be more robust to allow the humans to have their own agency. I never imagined they would screw things up this way! The system is becoming increasingly fragile. I’m not even sure how to go about fixing it! At least not without destroying the whole thing and starting over again.”
Nature: “Surely there must be some way of controlling these humans. Perhaps you could explain the nature of the problem to them?”
Engineer: “That’s the most frustrating part. They’re already aware of the problem. Yet they seem incapable of solving it without destroying their freedom, which they cherish greatly. Part of the problem is that no one is really in charge. These humans band together in different groups that compete against each other. They need to form one big group with a unified goal.”
Nature: “What’s stopping them?”
Engineer: “Variability. They each have their own innate dispositions and life histories. This huge variety leads to all sorts of different behaviors. They seem incapable of agreeing on anything! Even obvious facts are disputed.”
Little Dog: “Well, my machine gets trained through a process called reinforcement learning. It tries out various lines of conversation and sees how everyone reacts to it. For the comments that get a more positive reaction, it will reinforce that type of behavior. So, I need some experimental subjects for my robot to gain experience on.”
Big Dog: “So, let me get this straight. You’re going to potentially insult Fluffy’s family by having the robot make inappropriate comments and hope your stupid machine figures out which topics to avoid?”
Little Dog: “Well, that’s why I was hoping for some sort of agenda. That way I could initialize my machine to start with some nifty topics.”
Big Dog: “Little Dog, dinner conversations don’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s why it’s impossible to predict the future. Canine behavior is too complex to put in a box. That’s why so-called experts are incredibly bad at predicting the future. Whether it’s the economy, or the weather, or the future price of biscuits, the experts never get it right. I have an idea. Why don’t you program your robotic dog to just sit there instead, and carefully listen? That might help it figure out how to behave.”
Little Dog: “Oh, you mean supervised learning. I suppose I could try that to start.”
Little Dog: “Well, my machine gets trained through a process called reinforcement learning. It tries out various lines of conversation and sees how everyone reacts to it. For the comments that get a more positive reaction, it will reinforce that type of behavior. So, I need some experimental subjects for my robot to gain experience on.”
Big Dog: “So, let me get this straight. You’re going to potentially insult Fluffy’s family by having the robot make inappropriate comments and hope your stupid machine figures out which topics to avoid?”
Little Dog: “Well, that’s why I was hoping for some sort of agenda. That way I could initialize my machine to start with some nifty topics.”
Big Dog: “Little Dog, dinner conversations don’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s why it’s impossible to predict the future. Canine behavior is too complex to put in a box. That’s why so-called experts are incredibly bad at predicting the future. Whether it’s the economy, or the weather, or the future price of biscuits, the experts never get it right. I have an idea. Why don’t you program your robotic dog to just sit there instead, and carefully listen? That might help it figure out how to behave.”
Little Dog: “Oh, you mean supervised learning. I suppose I could try that to start.”
Science: “Why are you here anyway?”
Religion: “Well, I wanted to thank you.”
Science: “Oh, this is going to be good…”
Religion: “No, really! It’s just a matter of time before these nuclear weapons are detonated in a major city somewhere, killing millions. And your custom-made killer viruses will soon be running rampant. So, I just wanted to thank you.”
Science: “For what?”
Religion: “Well, with all the havoc and destruction you’re creating, religious attendance will skyrocket! Things have never looked better! Death and disease will be everywhere. Widespread hopelessness will abound. People will be praying like never before!”
Science: “Praying to whom? Your nonexistent God? Your God of false hopes and broken promises?”
Religion: “Huh. I thought that was your God.”
Science: “We don’t have a God. We’ve no need for your fantasies.”
Religion: “Not sure about that. You act like your own gods, with your smug conviction that God doesn’t exist, and your arrogant assumption that all the mysteries of the Universe will soon be within your grasp. That sure sounds like your own religion. And the way things are heading, you’re going to need one.”
Science: “Why are you here anyway?”
Religion: “Well, I wanted to thank you.”
Science: “Oh, this is going to be good…”
Religion: “No, really! It’s just a matter of time before these nuclear weapons are detonated in a major city somewhere, killing millions. And your custom-made killer viruses will soon be running rampant. So, I just wanted to thank you.”
Science: “For what?”
Religion: “Well, with all the havoc and destruction you’re creating, religious attendance will skyrocket! Things have never looked better! Death and disease will be everywhere. Widespread hopelessness will abound. People will be praying like never before!”
Science: “Praying to whom? Your nonexistent God? Your God of false hopes and broken promises?”
Religion: “Huh. I thought that was your God.”
Science: “We don’t have a God. We’ve no need for your fantasies.”
Religion: “Not sure about that. You act like your own gods, with your smug conviction that God doesn’t exist, and your arrogant assumption that all the mysteries of the Universe will soon be within your grasp. That sure sounds like your own religion. And the way things are heading, you’re going to need one.”
Female Passenger: “So, what kind of work do you do?”
Male Passenger: “Oh, well I run an institution.”
Female: “You mean like a mental institution?”
Male: “Sort of.”
Female: “What’s wrong with your patients?”
Male: “Well, they’re mostly delusional. They labor under the impression that they have immense powers to control one of the most complex systems on earth.”
Female: “Ah, I see. So, they’re intellectually challenged?”
Male: “Oh, no. Quite the contrary. Most of them hold PhDs. They’re an extremely intelligent group. Just a bit delusional.”
Female Passenger: “So, what kind of work do you do?”
Male Passenger: “Oh, well I run an institution.”
Female: “You mean like a mental institution?”
Male: “Sort of.”
Female: “What’s wrong with your patients?”
Male: “Well, they’re mostly delusional. They labor under the impression that they have immense powers to control one of the most complex systems on earth.”
Female: “Ah, I see. So, they’re intellectually challenged?”
Male: “Oh, no. Quite the contrary. Most of them hold PhDs. They’re an extremely intelligent group. Just a bit delusional.”
Jack: “Listen, Jill. I really appreciate your stopping by, but this RealityVerse stuff sounds pretty dull. Could I have my goggles back please?”
Jill: “Sure, but I just want to leave you with one minor thought.”
Jack: “What’s that?”
Jill: “While the MetaVerse is a choice, the RealityVerse is not.”
Jack: “That’s fine with me. I have no need for that particular choice anyway.”
Jill: “No, you don’t understand. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t choose the RealityVerse. It chooses you. It intrudes. Sometimes it creeps up on us without warning, and can deliver something called Consequences.”
Jack: “Consequences?”
Jill: “Yes. They’re most abundant in the RealityVerse."
Scientist: “Of course! We sell eggs and sperm from all sorts of people: athletes, rock stars, titans of industry, scientific geniuses, movie stars, you name it!”
Parents: “I see. Well, we’d prefer to use our own genetic material. Is that still allowed?”
Scientist: “Hmm. It’s highly unusual, but it can be done.”
Parents: “Unusual? Wow, this is more confusing than we thought.”
Scientist: “Well, most people are trying to upgrade their own genetics for a better model.”
Parents: “What do you mean?”
Scientist: “Nothing personal, but most people that come to us are regular folks. They’re looking for superstar babies. They want to raise someone special. World class athlete. Movie star. Genius scientist...”
Parents: “Isn’t every baby special?"
Darkness: “You are a clever player indeed. An interesting chess opponent.”
Light: “Why, thank you for the compliment. And you as well.”
Darkness: “Me, not so much. But I have other tools. Like my nuclear hammer!”
Light: “I too have a nuclear hammer.”
Darkness: “Yes, but of what use is yours?”
Light: “Of no more use than yours. Thanks to the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction, we’re at a stalemate. As rational actors, we would never use our Nuclear Hammers, because we know our opponent would use it in return.”
Darkness: “Rational actors, eh? Is that what we are? Look at you. Your country is so rich and beautiful. So full of life. Boundless resources. Well-educated citizens. Advanced technology. You have it all, don’t you? And me? My country is old and poor. Our lives are dull and dreary. So, for me? I have little to look forward to. Except for my chess. My conquests. My power! Haha! And, one thing you must not forget. I am mad. Mad! Hahaha!.”
Darkness: “You are a clever player indeed. An interesting chess opponent.”
Light: “Why, thank you for the compliment. And you as well.”
Darkness: “Me, not so much. But I have other tools. Like my nuclear hammer!”
Light: “I too have a nuclear hammer.”
Darkness: “Yes, but of what use is yours?”
Light: “Of no more use than yours. Thanks to the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction, we’re at a stalemate. As rational actors, we would never use our Nuclear Hammers, because we know our opponent would use it in return.”
Darkness: “Rational actors, eh? Is that what we are? Look at you. Your country is so rich and beautiful. So full of life. Boundless resources. Well-educated citizens. Advanced technology. You have it all, don’t you? And me? My country is old and poor. Our lives are dull and dreary. So, for me? I have little to look forward to. Except for my chess. My conquests. My power! Haha! And, one thing you must not forget. I am mad. Mad! Hahaha!.”
Jack: “Listen, Jill. I really appreciate your stopping by, but this RealityVerse stuff sounds pretty dull. Could I have my goggles back please?”
Jill: “Sure, but I just want to leave you with one minor thought.”
Jack: “What’s that?”
Jill: “While the MetaVerse is a choice, the RealityVerse is not.”
Jack: “That’s fine with me. I have no need for that particular choice anyway.”
Jill: “No, you don’t understand. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t choose the RealityVerse. It chooses you. It intrudes. Sometimes it creeps up on us without warning, and can deliver something called Consequences.”
Jack: “Consequences?”
Jill: “Yes. They’re most abundant in the RealityVerse."
Scientist: “Of course! We sell eggs and sperm from all sorts of people: athletes, rock stars, titans of industry, scientific geniuses, movie stars, you name it!”
Parents: “I see. Well, we’d prefer to use our own genetic material. Is that still allowed?”
Scientist: “Hmm. It’s highly unusual, but it can be done.”
Parents: “Unusual? Wow, this is more confusing than we thought.”
Scientist: “Well, most people are trying to upgrade their own genetics for a better model.”
Parents: “What do you mean?”
Scientist: “Nothing personal, but most people that come to us are regular folks. They’re looking for superstar babies. They want to raise someone special. World class athlete. Movie star. Genius scientist...”
Parents: “Isn’t every baby special?"
Grumpy Grampa: “Teach itself how to interpret butt odors? Ridiculous! Why do you read such crap?”
Little Dog: “Haha. And smelly crap at that, eh Gramps?”
GG: “Huh?”
Little Dog: “Just kidding. And listen to this. It gets even more interesting. Evidently the designers are really worried. The butt-sniffing machine has a lot of complex programming to help interpret the nuances of butt odors. But the designers are worried about the self-teaching aspect. What would happen if their creation becomes better at butt-sniffing than dogs themselves? What if it decides to take over the world and prevent real dogs from sniffing butts? What a disaster!”
GG: “My paw pads are quivering with fright. Why do you bother me with this rubbish? How could these butt-sniffing machines take over DogWorld?”
Little Dog: “Well, the article says that they might just keep teaching themselves new stuff, to the point where they could become infinitely more intelligent than us. They could become better squirrel trackers, for instance. Then they could catch all the squirrels, and cause a starvation crisis! Sounds pretty serious.”
GG: “Well, I’ll keep sniffing my own butts, thank you. And as far as worrying about butt-sniffing machines taking over the world, I won’t be losing any sleep over it.”
Little Dog: “Oh, Gramps. Always the skeptic. The world is changing, you know. Technology marches on!”
Guide: “Hi there, Mr. Trip! I’ll be your travel guide on our journey today. Welcome to LaLaLand!”
Traveler: “LaLaLand? What the heck is that?”
Guide: “It’s a place where there are no big worries. Only a few minor concerns. All of the big problems are swept aside, as if they don’t exist.”
Traveler: “Wow. Sounds nice! Let’s get going!”
G: “Uh, what do you mean?”
T: “Simple. I want you to take me there. To LaLaLand. I’m sick and tired of dealing with so many problems. I have a teething toddler at home, a jerk for a boss, a dog with diarrhea, and a very nasty cat who my wife adores. I need a break! Let’s get moving!”
G: “Well, ah, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure you understand.”
T: “Understand what?”
G: “Well, in LaLaLand, there are no big worries. You know, things like runaway technology, nuclear weapons proliferation, global warming, bioweapons research. You know. Big stuff. The things you are describing are trivial problems.”
T: “Trivial? Are you kidding? Your so-called ‘big stuff’ isn’t my problem! I have no control over that crap! I have my own problems!”
G: “I see. Well, in LaLaLand, people don’t worry about what you are calling ‘crap’. They simply ignore the big issues and focus on their own petty problems. At least, until one of those big issues bites them in the butt.”
Guide: “Hi there, Mr. Trip! I’ll be your travel guide on our journey today. Welcome to LaLaLand!”
Traveler: “LaLaLand? What the heck is that?”
Guide: “It’s a place where there are no big worries. Only a few minor concerns. All of the big problems are swept aside, as if they don’t exist.”
Traveler: “Wow. Sounds nice! Let’s get going!”
G: “Uh, what do you mean?”
T: “Simple. I want you to take me there. To LaLaLand. I’m sick and tired of dealing with so many problems. I have a teething toddler at home, a jerk for a boss, a dog with diarrhea, and a very nasty cat who my wife adores. I need a break! Let’s get moving!”
G: “Well, ah, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure you understand.”
T: “Understand what?”
G: “Well, in LaLaLand, there are no big worries. You know, things like runaway technology, nuclear weapons proliferation, global warming, bioweapons research. You know. Big stuff. The things you are describing are trivial problems.”
T: “Trivial? Are you kidding? Your so-called ‘big stuff’ isn’t my problem! I have no control over that crap! I have my own problems!”
G: “I see. Well, in LaLaLand, people don’t worry about what you are calling ‘crap’. They simply ignore the big issues and focus on their own petty problems. At least, until one of those big issues bites them in the butt.”
Grumpy Grampa: “Teach itself how to interpret butt odors? Ridiculous! Why do you read such crap?”
Little Dog: “Haha. And smelly crap at that, eh Gramps?”
GG: “Huh?”
Little Dog: “Just kidding. And listen to this. It gets even more interesting. Evidently the designers are really worried. The butt-sniffing machine has a lot of complex programming to help interpret the nuances of butt odors. But the designers are worried about the self-teaching aspect. What would happen if their creation becomes better at butt-sniffing than dogs themselves? What if it decides to take over the world and prevent real dogs from sniffing butts? What a disaster!”
GG: “My paw pads are quivering with fright. Why do you bother me with this rubbish? How could these butt-sniffing machines take over DogWorld?”
Little Dog: “Well, the article says that they might just keep teaching themselves new stuff, to the point where they could become infinitely more intelligent than us. They could become better squirrel trackers, for instance. Then they could catch all the squirrels, and cause a starvation crisis! Sounds pretty serious.”
GG: “Well, I’ll keep sniffing my own butts, thank you. And as far as worrying about butt-sniffing machines taking over the world, I won’t be losing any sleep over it.”
Little Dog: “Oh, Gramps. Always the skeptic. The world is changing, you know. Technology marches on!”
Student: “But, Professor, isn’t M.A.D. completely irrelevant these days?”
Professor: “Could you please raise your hand before commenting? And why do you say that M.A.D. is irrelevant?”
Student: “Well, due to recent technological advances, M.A.D. has become irrelevant. Why worry about retaliation if your adversary can’t be sure that you committed the crime in the first place? Even if they suspect you did, what exactly would they do to retaliate if the attacking nation can convincingly deny intent, or at least arouse sufficient doubt that they are the ones who are really culpable?”
Professor: “Indeed. You are referring to what we call ‘plausible deniability’. The essence of the theory is that the perpetrators can plausibly deny having knowledge of their actions.”
Student: “Haha. Who, me? Surely you jest!”
Professor: “This concern has given rise to an important field in modern warfare called nuclear forensics. This is the science of investigating nuclear material to determine its source of origin.”
Student: “Does that mean using lots of fancy science to figure out who the heck did it?”
Professor: “Exactly. It’s a growing field of interest due to recent advances in nuclear weapons technology that have resulted in the miniaturization of nuclear bombs. This has raised the threat of an armed terrorist group acquiring a weapon of mass destruction. As unlikely as this scenario may be, scientists have developed sophisticated techniques using spectrographic analysis, radiochemical separation, and other methods to determine the source of the nuclear material used in an explosion.”
Student: “But, Professor, isn’t M.A.D. completely irrelevant these days?”
Professor: “Could you please raise your hand before commenting? And why do you say that M.A.D. is irrelevant?”
Student: “Well, due to recent technological advances, M.A.D. has become irrelevant. Why worry about retaliation if your adversary can’t be sure that you committed the crime in the first place? Even if they suspect you did, what exactly would they do to retaliate if the attacking nation can convincingly deny intent, or at least arouse sufficient doubt that they are the ones who are really culpable?”
Professor: “Indeed. You are referring to what we call ‘plausible deniability’. The essence of the theory is that the perpetrators can plausibly deny having knowledge of their actions.”
Student: “Haha. Who, me? Surely you jest!”
Professor: “This concern has given rise to an important field in modern warfare called nuclear forensics. This is the science of investigating nuclear material to determine its source of origin.”
Student: “Does that mean using lots of fancy science to figure out who the heck did it?”
Professor: “Exactly. It’s a growing field of interest due to recent advances in nuclear weapons technology that have resulted in the miniaturization of nuclear bombs. This has raised the threat of an armed terrorist group acquiring a weapon of mass destruction. As unlikely as this scenario may be, scientists have developed sophisticated techniques using spectrographic analysis, radiochemical separation, and other methods to determine the source of the nuclear material used in an explosion.”
Julie: “So, let me get this straight. You intentionally ruined my perfectly fine pump to create a defective pump so that our customers would be forced to use more of our product? And for that, you won the Best Product Design award?”
Jim: “Along with a $20,000 bonus.”
Julie: “How do you sleep at night?”
Jim: “Haha. I stuff my pillow with thousands of dollar bills. Sleep like a baby."
Julie: “So, let me get this straight. You intentionally ruined my perfectly fine pump to create a defective pump so that our customers would be forced to use more of our product? And for that, you won the Best Product Design award?”
Jim: “Along with a $20,000 bonus.”
Julie: “How do you sleep at night?”
Jim: “Haha. I stuff my pillow with thousands of dollar bills. Sleep like a baby."
Doctor: “You know, it’s always the same every visit. You come to me with a problem. I suggest a solution. Then you shoot it down. You complain about your weight. I tell you to eat less fat and more vegetables. You complain that you’re short of breath. I tell you to stop smoking and get some exercise.”
Patient: “Look, Doc. I am the patient and you are the doctor, right? So, when I come to you with a problem, I want you to solve it. Nagging I can get at home. Don’t you have a pill for my weight? How about bariatric surgery? One of my buddies had that and he looks great!”
Doctor: “Surgery is a last resort. Better to eat less and exercise more.”
Patient: “Well, how about a pill? I ain’t givin’ up my butter cookies, so we need another game plan. Besides, what’s the point of me coming here every year to listen to what I can do? I want to hear what you can do. You’re gonna be outta business if your only service is to provide unwanted advice.”
Investor: “Professor, I am so confused about the economy. Would you be able to help me?”
Economist: “Why, of course. After all, I have a PhD in Econometrics.”
Investor: “Oh, interesting. So, ah, what is that exactly? I’m sorry, professor, but I only took the basic introductory class.”
Economist: “Well, it’s all quite complicated, you see. In essence, it is the study of economics through the application of advanced mathematical models using Big Data, Artificial Intelligence, and Supercomputers.”
Investor: “Wow. Sounds impressive!”
Economist: “Indeed. Now, how may I help you?”
Investor: “Well, I was wondering what to invest in? It seems like everything these days is so expensive: stocks, bonds, real estate, gold… You name it!”
Economist: “Gold? You’re not one of those gold bug fanatics, are you?”
Investor: “Well, I do have a few gold coins stashed away. You know, just in case.”
Economist: “In case of what? We don’t live in the Stone Age anymore, my dear. With our advanced computer models, we can now keep a firm grasp on the economy. In the old days, the economy was run by unsophisticated business people. Now, we professional economists run the show. With our advanced econometric models, things are different today.”
Investor: “I see. But, what does that have to do with my gold coins?”
Economist: “Why, they’re a barbarous relic! Worthless lumps of metal. Dug out of the ground, stored in expensive vaults, earning no interest, and producing nothing of value. A useless waste of your valuable dollars!”
Investor: “Hmm. With all due respect, Professor, I’m not too sure about that. Those valuable dollars don’t seem to be buying much these days.”
Economist: “Well, everything is relative, young lady. We live in a modern global economy now. Exchange rates between currencies are carefully monitored. Gold is a worthless artifact of ancient times before advanced economics. I would advise you to dispose of your coins. They’re going to lose value at an increasing rate. They’re a throwback to the dark old days before the advent of econometric models, advanced technology, and monetary engineering.”
Investor: “Well, okay. Gee, thanks for letting me know! I always wondered what the point was of holding a bunch of little coins. I used to keep 40 of them in a big sock in my dresser drawer, but when they became worth about $2000 each, I started getting nervous about keeping $80,000 in an old, smelly sock.”
Investor: “Professor, I am so confused about the economy. Would you be able to help me?”
Economist: “Why, of course. After all, I have a PhD in Econometrics.”
Investor: “Oh, interesting. So, ah, what is that exactly? I’m sorry, professor, but I only took the basic introductory class.”
Economist: “Well, it’s all quite complicated, you see. In essence, it is the study of economics through the application of advanced mathematical models using Big Data, Artificial Intelligence, and Supercomputers.”
Investor: “Wow. Sounds impressive!”
Economist: “Indeed. Now, how may I help you?”
Investor: “Well, I was wondering what to invest in? It seems like everything these days is so expensive: stocks, bonds, real estate, gold… You name it!”
Economist: “Gold? You’re not one of those gold bug fanatics, are you?”
Investor: “Well, I do have a few gold coins stashed away. You know, just in case.”
Economist: “In case of what? We don’t live in the Stone Age anymore, my dear. With our advanced computer models, we can now keep a firm grasp on the economy. In the old days, the economy was run by unsophisticated business people. Now, we professional economists run the show. With our advanced econometric models, things are different today.”
Investor: “I see. But, what does that have to do with my gold coins?”
Economist: “Why, they’re a barbarous relic! Worthless lumps of metal. Dug out of the ground, stored in expensive vaults, earning no interest, and producing nothing of value. A useless waste of your valuable dollars!”
Investor: “Hmm. With all due respect, Professor, I’m not too sure about that. Those valuable dollars don’t seem to be buying much these days.”
Economist: “Well, everything is relative, young lady. We live in a modern global economy now. Exchange rates between currencies are carefully monitored. Gold is a worthless artifact of ancient times before advanced economics. I would advise you to dispose of your coins. They’re going to lose value at an increasing rate. They’re a throwback to the dark old days before the advent of econometric models, advanced technology, and monetary engineering.”
Investor: “Well, okay. Gee, thanks for letting me know! I always wondered what the point was of holding a bunch of little coins. I used to keep 40 of them in a big sock in my dresser drawer, but when they became worth about $2000 each, I started getting nervous about keeping $80,000 in an old, smelly sock.”
Reality: “Hi there. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”
Human: “Uh, I’m kinda busy at the moment.”
Reality: “When are you ever not busy? It seems like you’re always too busy to talk to me.”
Human: “Look, Ms. Reality, I talk to you plenty! In case you haven’t noticed, you have an annoying habit of inserting yourself into my affairs at the most inconvenient times.”
Reality: “I see. Well, now that we’re having such a pleasant conversation, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking about a topic that we always seem to avoid?”
Human: “And what would that be? Not that I’m agreeing to discuss any topics that you come up with.”
Reality: “Well, I was hoping we could talk about the way you humans really are, as opposed to the endless ways that you think you could be, or should be, or want to be. I figured we could keep things simpler that way. You know, less distractions?”
Human: “Here’s the problem with your suggestion. Every time we get on this topic, it always seems to have a bad ending. War, disease, financial panic, all sorts of wonderful stuff. So, perhaps you’ll understand my reluctance to engage in any conversations with you.”
Reality: “I really don’t mean to be critical, but perhaps if you paid more attention to me before these bad endings happened, then maybe you could avoid them in the first place?”
Human: “Your ignorance of human behavior continues to amaze me. Just to recap what I’ve explained to you countless times: Your existence is ephemeral. You don’t really exist until you do. You pop out of nowhere at the worst possible times. Like take the economy, for instance. You want us to avoid a financial panic, but your timing is all off. While we’re having fun blowing beautiful financial bubbles, you want to intrude on the party and tell us to stop!
Reality: “Hi there. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”
Human: “Uh, I’m kinda busy at the moment.”
Reality: “When are you ever not busy? It seems like you’re always too busy to talk to me.”
Human: “Look, Ms. Reality, I talk to you plenty! In case you haven’t noticed, you have an annoying habit of inserting yourself into my affairs at the most inconvenient times.”
Reality: “I see. Well, now that we’re having such a pleasant conversation, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking about a topic that we always seem to avoid?”
Human: “And what would that be? Not that I’m agreeing to discuss any topics that you come up with.”
Reality: “Well, I was hoping we could talk about the way you humans really are, as opposed to the endless ways that you think you could be, or should be, or want to be. I figured we could keep things simpler that way. You know, less distractions?”
Human: “Here’s the problem with your suggestion. Every time we get on this topic, it always seems to have a bad ending. War, disease, financial panic, all sorts of wonderful stuff. So, perhaps you’ll understand my reluctance to engage in any conversations with you.”
Reality: “I really don’t mean to be critical, but perhaps if you paid more attention to me before these bad endings happened, then maybe you could avoid them in the first place?”
Human: “Your ignorance of human behavior continues to amaze me. Just to recap what I’ve explained to you countless times: Your existence is ephemeral. You don’t really exist until you do. You pop out of nowhere at the worst possible times. Like take the economy, for instance. You want us to avoid a financial panic, but your timing is all off. While we’re having fun blowing beautiful financial bubbles, you want to intrude on the party and tell us to stop!
Big Dog: “So, our intelligence keeps increasing forever? I guess that makes sense. As canine civilization progresses, our scientists gain increasing knowledge of the Universe around us. But what does the limit mean?”
Little Dog: “It’s the limit of canine intelligence.”
Big Dog: “What? Little Dog, where do you get these ideas from? There is no limit to our intelligence! Our ancestors were mere beasts, running around in vicious packs. Completely uncivilized.”
Little Dog: “Yes, well that is why the curve is going up.”
Big Dog: “But you’re missing my point. There is no dotted line above. Your Asymptote of Intelligence doesn’t exist. We canines are in charge of DogWorld for a reason. And that reason is our superior intelligence. To suggest that there’s some sort of limit to our intellectual capacity is nonsense. Is this the sort of rubbish your school is teaching you these days? Seems almost subversive.”
Little Dog: “Haha. I like being subversive.”
Big Dog: “Don’t I know it!”
Little Dog: “The cool thing about the curve is that when you’re on it, all you see is progress. Things are always getting better. Intelligence is always increasing. Yet the limit is always there. It’s invisible. We have no knowledge of it. Yet, it looms above.”
Big Dog: “So, our intelligence keeps increasing forever? I guess that makes sense. As canine civilization progresses, our scientists gain increasing knowledge of the Universe around us. But what does the limit mean?”
Little Dog: “It’s the limit of canine intelligence.”
Big Dog: “What? Little Dog, where do you get these ideas from? There is no limit to our intelligence! Our ancestors were mere beasts, running around in vicious packs. Completely uncivilized.”
Little Dog: “Yes, well that is why the curve is going up.”
Big Dog: “But you’re missing my point. There is no dotted line above. Your Asymptote of Intelligence doesn’t exist. We canines are in charge of DogWorld for a reason. And that reason is our superior intelligence. To suggest that there’s some sort of limit to our intellectual capacity is nonsense. Is this the sort of rubbish your school is teaching you these days? Seems almost subversive.”
Little Dog: “Haha. I like being subversive.”
Big Dog: “Don’t I know it!”
Little Dog: “The cool thing about the curve is that when you’re on it, all you see is progress. Things are always getting better. Intelligence is always increasing. Yet the limit is always there. It’s invisible. We have no knowledge of it. Yet, it looms above.”
Male Alien: “So they are convinced that whatever lifeform steps out of the visiting UFO will be their intellectual peers? They can’t envision that their intellect might seem to us as their dogs appear to them?”
Female Alien: “Exactly. You also have to consider the way that humans treat the other animals on their planet. They either eat them or keep them as pets. So, the idea that an alien species might treat them similarly is a bit too uncomfortable to consider. It’s safer for them to view visiting aliens as a bunch of smart guys like them that just happen to have a more advanced civilization due to the passage of time.”
Male: “I suppose that makes sense. Pretty scary to think that we might eat them, huh?”
Female: “Haha. I’ve never tried roasting one. They might be tasty. Lots of them are pretty hefty, too. Plenty of meat on those bones!”
Male Alien: “So they are convinced that whatever life-form steps out of the visiting UFO will be their intellectual peers? They can’t envision that their intellect might seem to us as their dogs appear to them?”
Female Alien: “Exactly. You also have to consider the way that humans treat the other animals on their planet. They either eat them or keep them as pets. So, the idea that an alien species might treat them similarly is a bit too uncomfortable to consider. It’s safer for them to view visiting aliens as a bunch of smart guys like them that just happen to have a more advanced civilization due to the passage of time.”
Male: “I suppose that makes sense. Pretty scary to think that we might eat them, huh?”
Female: “Haha. I’ve never tried roasting one. They might be tasty. Lots of them are pretty hefty, too. Plenty of meat on those bones!”
M: “Well, the antennas enable them to communicate with each other constantly. Any of the rats can communicate with the others, no matter how far apart they are.”
F: “Wow. That’s amazing. Can they control the device?”
M: “Well, they can’t really control it. It transmits their thoughts automatically.”
F: “Can they at least turn it off?”
M: “In theory they could, but in reality they leave them on constantly.”
F: “24/7/365? No breaks?”
M: “Correct. I figured that with improved communication, they could share their thoughts more efficiently and develop a better understanding of each other. This should improve social harmony, and lead to a calmer, more empathetic environment. You know, improve community relations. Enhance civic engagement. That sort of thing.”
F: “Civic engagement?”
M: “Well, the rat version of it.”
M: “Well, the antennas enable them to communicate with each other constantly. Any of the rats can communicate with the others, no matter how far apart they are.”
F: “Wow. That’s amazing. Can they control the device?”
M: “Well, they can’t really control it. It transmits their thoughts automatically.”
F: “Can they at least turn it off?”
M: “In theory they could, but in reality they leave them on constantly.”
F: “24/7/365? No breaks?”
M: “Correct. I figured that with improved communication, they could share their thoughts more efficiently and develop a better understanding of each other. This should improve social harmony, and lead to a calmer, more empathetic environment. You know, improve community relations. Enhance civic engagement. That sort of thing.”
F: “Civic engagement?”
M: “Well, the rat version of it.”
Alien: “Yet you seem to have a spotty track record of preventing accidental leaks from these labs. To make matters worse, you seem to be strangely disinclined to consider the implications. To show some caution. Tighten up lab protocols. Increase protections. Hey, here is a wild idea: Maybe you should limit the proliferation of these labs, instead of allowing them to sprout like weeds all over your planet. Time and again, you humans create these massive doo-doo piles. Then you dive in head first before realizing the stupidity of your actions. At some point you’re going to finally bite off more than you can chew. These bioweapons are monsters that you cannot control. Once they are off their leash, it might just be lights out for you.”
Alien: “Yet you seem to have a spotty track record of preventing accidental leaks from these labs. To make matters worse, you seem to be strangely disinclined to consider the implications. To show some caution. Tighten up lab protocols. Increase protections. Hey, here is a wild idea: Maybe you should limit the proliferation of these labs, instead of allowing them to sprout like weeds all over your planet. Time and again, you humans create these massive doo-doo piles. Then you dive in head first before realizing the stupidity of your actions. At some point you’re going to finally bite off more than you can chew. These bioweapons are monsters that you cannot control. Once they are off their leash, it might just be lights out for you.”
Professor: “Very well. Now let’s return to our intellectual peregrinations concerning the challenge of communicating with alien beings, and how language could be used as a vehicle to expedite said communication. What sort of content would we convey? What would be the most important thing that humanity would have to say to this Alien? Class? Any ideas?”
Professor: “Very well. Now let’s return to our intellectual peregrinations concerning the challenge of communicating with alien beings, and how language could be used as a vehicle to expedite said communication. What sort of content would we convey? What would be the most important thing that humanity would have to say to this Alien? Class? Any ideas?”
Alien: “Okay. So, just to clarify, you’re telling me that you humans already know what the major problems are? That you’re already aware of the peril that your reckless behavior is causing, not only for you, but for your planet?”
Human: “Right. Global warming. Nuclear bombs. Bioweapons. Mass extinction of other species. Lots of problems.”
Alien: “And, in addition, you have clearly identified the solutions?”
Human: “Bingo.”
Alien: “Yet, despite this knowledge, you’re currently struggling to implement those solutions?”
Human: “Right again!”
Alien: “Then your intellect is not the obstacle here. You already know what the problems are. You know what the solutions are. So, it must be something else which is holding you back.”
Human: “Well, we haven't given up yet. We’re still working on implementing the solutions. The key is to reason our way through these problems. As people become more educated, our chances of success will improve. Progress is in sight.”
Alien: “What does education have to do with it? You’ve already admitted that your intellect is not the obstacle. You’ve already identified the problems and their solutions. And as far as progress being in sight, the only progress I can see is in the rear view mirror of the clown car you’re driving. You need to turn around, human. You're heading in the wrong direction.
Alien: “Okay. So, just to clarify, you’re telling me that you humans already know what the major problems are? That you’re already aware of the peril that your reckless behavior is causing, not only for you, but for your planet?”
Human: “Right. Global warming. Nuclear bombs. Bioweapons. Mass extinction of other species. Lots of problems.”
Alien: “And, in addition, you have clearly identified the solutions?”
Human: “Bingo.”
Alien: “Yet, despite this knowledge, you’re currently struggling to implement those solutions?”
Human: “Right again!”
Alien: “Then your intellect is not the obstacle here. You already know what the problems are. You know what the solutions are. So, it must be something else which is holding you back.”
Human: “Well, we haven't given up yet. We’re still working on implementing the solutions. The key is to reason our way through these problems. As people become more educated, our chances of success will improve. Progress is in sight.”
Alien: “What does education have to do with it? You’ve already admitted that your intellect is not the obstacle. You’ve already identified the problems and their solutions. And as far as progress being in sight, the only progress I can see is in the rear view mirror of the clown car you’re driving. You need to turn around, human. You're heading in the wrong direction.
Master: “Quit your whining. You just don’t get it. You don’t understand the imminent peril you are in. And if you die, you’ll die in ignorance. Never knowing the cause. No moment of truth. No deep revelation will hit you, except for the front fender smashing into your thick skull!”
Master: “Quit your whining. You just don’t get it. You don’t understand the imminent peril you are in. And if you die, you’ll die in ignorance. Never knowing the cause. No moment of truth. No deep revelation will hit you, except for the front fender smashing into your thick skull!”
Engineer: “I wonder if there are problems that we humans can’t even see? Just like our dogs? Maybe we’re doing a lot of dumb dog stuff ourselves, and are completely unaware of it. I mean, if you follow the logic of dogs to humans to super-smart aliens, maybe we’re in the same sorry state as our dogs. Unaware of the world around us. Unable to control our base instincts, or to grasp the complex realities right under our own snouts.”
Astronaut: “I suppose from the Alien’s perspective that would make some sense. Haha. The Alien View.”
Have you ever met someone who is amazingly perceptive about others, yet lacks insight into their own personality, or how they appear to others? Perhaps someone who overestimates their reasoning skills, attractiveness, or other talents?
Might we humans, as a species, lack such insight into ourselves? Might we be prone to over-valuing the power of our intellect to solve the problems around us?
What would we look like to a species far more intelligent than ours? How would those Aliens view us?
Our goal is to rhetorically step out of our skin and look at the world through other eyes. Alien eyes.
We call this the Alien View.
Engineer: “I wonder if there are problems that we humans can’t even see? Just like our dogs? Maybe we’re doing a lot of dumb dog stuff ourselves, and are completely unaware of it. I mean, if you follow the logic of dogs to humans to super-smart aliens, maybe we’re in the same sorry state as our dogs. Unaware of the world around us. Unable to control our base instincts, or to grasp the complex realities right under our own snouts.”
Astronaut: “I suppose from the Alien’s perspective that would make some sense. Haha. The Alien View.”