Transform Your Life With Steve and Pete: Recent Episodes
Steve Chua and Pete Cafarchio
Transform Your Life with Steve and Pete provides practical wisdom to help you discover your identity, reject false mindsets, and align with your destiny and purpose. Steve and Pete are both executive life and leadership coaches with years of experience helping people become their best selves.
Transformation Tip:
"Take care of your employees and they'll take care of your business." — Richard Branson
Hiring is only the beginning. The strongest organizations don't just fill positions—they invest in the people who fill them.
In this episode of Transformational Leadership: From the Insight Out, Steve and Pete continue their leadership progression by shifting the focus from the individual leader and leadership teams to the organization itself. They explore why staffing is one of the most strategic responsibilities of leadership and how your approach to recruiting, developing, and retaining people shapes the future of your culture.
You'll discover why staffing is more than a hiring process, the hidden cost of unrealized potential, and the mindset shift that separates organizations that simply fill roles from those that build thriving teams. Through practical stories and leadership insights, this conversation will challenge you to rethink how you invest in your people.
Transformation Application:
Take time this week to evaluate your approach to staffing. Which area needs the most attention—recruiting, development, or retention? Choose one practical step you can take over the next 30 days to strengthen that area and begin building a healthier, stronger organization from the inside out.
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Transformation Tip: The healthiest leader is the one who leads themselves first.
What if your greatest leadership breakthrough isn't found in another business book—but in taking ownership of your own health?
Steve Chua welcomes Dr. Darshan Shah, board-certified surgeon, longevity physician, Founder &CEO of Next Health, and host of the EXTEND Podcast. After performing nearly 20,000 surgeries, Dr. Shah experienced his own health crisis that completely transformed his view of medicine. Today, he helps leaders optimize their health before disease ever develops.
Together, Steve and Darshan explore the surprising connection between leadership and wellness, why burnout is often a sign to pivot toward purpose, and how practicing what you preach builds authentic influence.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why empathy is essential to effective leadership
- How Dr. Shah reversed his own chronic disease
- The role of functional medicine alongside traditional healthcare
- Why expensive biohacks can't replace healthy fundamentals
- How passion—not perseverance alone—helps overcome burnout
- Why great leaders become living examples of their message
Connect with Dr. Darshan Shah
- Website: drshah.com
- Next Health Clinics: next-health.com
- Podcast: Extend — one of the most-listened-to medical podcasts in the world
- Dr. Shah Socials:
https://www.drshah.com
https://www.instagram.com/darshanshahmd/
https://www.instagram.com/extend_podcast/
https://www.youtube.com/darshanshahmd
https://www.facebook.com/DarshanShahMD
https://www.linkedin.com/in/darshanshahmd/
https://x.com/DarshanShah_MD
Transformation Application:
Your business has KPIs. Your health should too. Take ownership of the habits that fuel your body, sharpen your mind, and strengthen your leadership. The greatest transformation begins with self-leadership.
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Transformation Tip: "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra." — Jimmy Johnson
Good teams get the job done. Exceptional teams never stop growing.
In this episode, Steve and Pete explore why so many organizations plateau—not because they're failing, but because they've become comfortable. Using the 5 E's of Organizational Growth, they discuss how teams can recognize where they are in their journey and what it takes to continue moving forward instead of settling for success.
You'll also hear practical insights on navigating difficult conversations, building healthy accountability, investing in people, and viewing failure as a catalyst for growth rather than a setback.
Whether you're leading an organization, serving on a team, or influencing those around you, this conversation will challenge you to pursue excellence with intentionality.
Transformation Application: This week, identify where your team fits within the 5 E's of Organizational Growth. Then ask yourself: What is one thing we've been tolerating that's preventing us from reaching the next level?
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Transformation Tip: “Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people.” — Steve Jobs
Have you ever looked around your team and thought, "We have talented people, so why does it still feel so hard?" In this episode, Steve and Pete explore a leadership principle that can dramatically impact team performance: putting the right people in the right positions. They discuss why talent alone isn't enough, how leaders unintentionally create imbalance, and what happens when individuals are aligned with their strengths.
In This Episode:
- Why talented teams can still struggle
- The difference between Conceptual and Concrete leaders
- How leadership blind spots affect hiring decisions
- The importance of positioning people according to their strengths
- Stories from Steve and Pete's leadership journeys
- Practical ways to create better team alignment
- A simple exercise you can apply with your team this week
Transformation Application: This week, take a fresh look at your team and ask yourself:
- What unique strength does each person bring?
- Are they more Conceptual or Concrete in their approach?
- Are they currently positioned to thrive?
Then identify one conversation, adjustment, or encouragement that could create better alignment and help your team perform at its highest level.
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Transformation Tip:
"The Answer to How Is Yes" — Peter Block
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to growth isn't a lack of knowledge—it's waiting until we have every answer. Progress begins when we choose to move forward before the entire path is clear.
In this episode of Transform Your Life, Steve Chua welcomes Dr. Lynn Priddy, President of Claremont Lincoln University, for a conversation about leadership, change, and the courage to act in uncertain times.
Dr. Priddy shares the leadership philosophy that has guided her career: balancing bold vision with deep compassion for others. Together, Steve and Lynn explore what it takes to lead meaningful change, navigate failure with humility, and develop future leaders who can carry the mission forward.
In This Episode:
- Why "The Answer to How Is Yes" is a powerful leadership mindset
- The role of compassion and patience in effective leadership
- How to lead through uncertainty without losing clarity
- Lessons learned from failure and self-awareness
- Why leaders need people who challenge them
- The balance between innovation and bringing others along
- Developing leaders instead of becoming the bottleneck
- The importance of understanding perspectives different from your own
About Dr. Lynn Priddy
Dr. Lynn Priddy is the President of Claremont Lincoln University and a recognized leader in higher education and organizational transformation. Her work focuses on developing leaders who create meaningful change through mindfulness, dialogue, collaboration, and action.
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Transformation Tip:
"None of us is as smart as all of us." — Ken Blanchard
What kind of leadership brings out the best in people?
In this episode, Steve and Pete unpack the tension between control and collaboration — and why the way you lead shapes the culture your team experiences every day.
Through honest conversation and practical leadership insight, they challenge listeners to think differently about trust, influence, and creating a team culture people want to be part of.
Transformation Application:
- Would your team describe your leadership style the same way you would?
- How can you create more space for others to contribute this week?
Learn more at
Insight Out Corp
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Transformation Tip: “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.” — Simon Sinek
What separates high-performing teams from teams that are simply busy? In this episode, we explore why alignment—not just talent—is the true driver of long-term success. Inspired by Simon Sinek’s idea that people buy why you do something, we unpack how purpose fuels unity, trust, ownership, and direction within teams.
We discuss:
- Why purpose matters more than ever for today’s teams
- The difference between vision, strategy, and mission
- Four key questions every team must answer to stay aligned
- The 3 levels of engagement every leader needs to build
- Common ways leaders unintentionally lose alignment
- Practical ways to create shared ownership instead of top-down leadership
Whether you lead a company, a ministry, a classroom, or a small team, this conversation will challenge you to think differently about leadership and culture.
Transformation Application: Take time to process your why:
Where do I naturally add the most value?
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Transformation Tip: “It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes.” — Warren Buffett
What if you could fast-track your leadership growth by learning from those who’ve already been in the trenches?
In this episode, Pete Cafarchio is joined by three dynamic leaders who bring real-world insights across industries, cultures, and life experiences. From corporate boardrooms to nonprofits to global leadership initiatives, each guest shares their perspective shaped by years of navigating change, building people, and leading through complexity.
You’ll hear from:
- Greg Wallace, a leadership consultant and author focused on organizational excellence and culture
- Julie Thomas, President of a national logistics company and a seasoned coach, speaker, and business leader
- Ellie Kapihe, a leadership activator passionate about purpose-driven growth and generational impact
Together, they explore three essential pillars of leadership:
Culture. Connection. Conflict.
Not as abstract ideas—but as lived experiences that shape teams, organizations, and outcomes.
Through stories, lessons learned, and practical wisdom, this conversation challenges you to think differently about how you lead and influence others.
Transformation Application:What was your MVP (most valuable point) from today’s conversation? Write it down. Then ask yourself: What will I do differently because of it?
Additional Links & Resources
Greg Wallace’s book: Overcoming: A Survival Guide For Change Agents
https://amzn.to/41xCWxR
Connect with Julie Thomas (coaching & consulting):
julie.thomas@pdigo.com
Learn more about OlyLife:
https://www.olylife.com/Main/En/aboutus.php
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Transformation Tip: “Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” — Ronald Reagan
Conflict isn’t a sign that leadership is failing—it’s often a sign that something meaningful is happening. In this episode, we talk about why so many of us avoid conflict, how unaddressed tension can quietly impact trust and culture, and what it looks like to lead with courage instead of fear.
We introduce the HEALTH framework as a simple guide for hard conversations: Hold your emotions so you respond with wisdom, Elevate the person by affirming their value, Ask before assuming to gain clarity, Lead with honest humility, Take responsibility for your part, and Help the relationship heal by agreeing on a path forward.
If you’re enjoying these leadership insights and want to continue growing in how you build strong teams and healthy culture, visit www.insightoutcorp.com
to learn more.
Transformation Application: Identify one conversation you’ve been avoiding and take a step toward it this week.
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Transformation Tip: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Great leaders don’t just lead with strategy—they lead with connection. In this episode, we unpack why emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as critical as intellectual intelligence (IQ) when it comes to influence, trust, and impact.
We explore how building trust, finding common ground, and being intentional in communication can transform the way people respond to you.
If you’ve ever felt like your message isn’t landing, or your team isn’t fully bought in, this episode will challenge how you approach connection.
Transformation Application: In your meetings this week, start your conversation by expressing genuine gratitude for someone’s specific value—not just their performance.
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Transformation Tip: “Culture isn’t just one aspect of the game — it is the game.”— Lou Gerstner, former CEO of IBM
Culture shapes everything—often more than strategy, policies, or even leadership titles. In this episode of the Transformation Leadership Podcast, we explore how culture is formed, why it’s often caught rather than taught, and the role leaders play in setting the tone for the environments they influence.
From everyday workplace interactions to the deeper principles that govern organizations, we discuss how culture develops—and how it can either strengthen or undermine a team.
Transformation Application: Write down a few words that describe the culture you want people to experience when they interact with you. Choose one word and intentionally model it in your actions this week.
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Transformation Tip: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” — John Quincy Adams
Leadership doesn’t start with a title—it starts with how you lead yourself.
In this episode, we explore how leadership grows in three stages: leading yourself, leading others, and leading for impact. True leadership expands outward, influencing relationships, teams, and the world around you.
Transformation Application: Try building these daily leadership habits:
Each morning, ask yourself:
• What value will I lead by today?
• Who can I intentionally invest in today?
• What positive impact can I make today?
Then reflect each evening:
How well did I follow through?
Connect On Social:
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This week’s Transformation Tip: “If you think you’re a leader and you turn around and no one is following you, then you’re simply out for a walk.” — James M. Kouzes
Leadership isn’t about titles, personality, or style. In this episode, we strip it down to its core: leadership is taking responsibility for reality, helping others gain clarity around what matters, and advancing together toward a better future. Even if it’s not your fault, it can still be your responsibility.
Transformation Application:
Look at your work, relationships, and daily life. Where are you taking responsibility? Where do you need greater clarity? And where are you being invited to step up and lead—regardless of title?
Connect On Social:
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New photo? New name? No, you didn’t click the wrong podcast. You’re right where you belong—we’re just shifting, growing, and stepping into our next chapter.
As we celebrate five years of the podcast, we begin with this week’s Transformation Tip: “The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.” - Winston Churchill
We take time to reflect on the themes that have shaped our journey—identity, purpose, emotional intelligence, CliftonStrengths, self-leadership, rest, and growth mindset.
This episode also introduces an exciting new chapter with a rebrand and new name, Transformational Leadership: From the Insight Out, along with what’s ahead for the podcast. Whether or not you consider yourself a leader, this conversation reminds us that leadership is influence—and we all have it.
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Transformation Tip: “Without Clarity you can’t move forward.” - Steve Chua
Concept(s):
- Clarity is identifying and articulating the one thing that’s most important.
- Not a new idea you haven’t thought of. It is already in you.
- Process of removal - remove small complications so only the big thing remains
- Seeing how the pieces fit together
Transformation Application: We want to bring clarity to your purpose, so do one of the exercises mentioned and write out a purpose statement whether in 2 words, 12 words or 2 sentences. Remember is about who you are not what you’ve done!!!
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Transformation Tip: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner
Concept(s)
- “You think you’re God’s gift to the world!” implying that they thought too highly of themselves. Well, the truth is, you really are God’s gift to the world!
- You were born for a purpose
- Our perspective is that we believe we were placed on this earth for a reason.
- Difference between purpose and path
- Written in your design
Transformation Application: Ask this question - Why was I placed on the Earth? Journal and reflect.
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Transformation Tip: “Your mess becomes your message.”- Ed Silvoso
Concept(s)
- Life can be hard—really hard.
- These challenges helped shape who you are, and if you’ve worked through them, you’ve learned some valuable lessons.
-
A person to whom things come easily may not be able to explain their technique. But a person who had to learn the hard way can often explain, instruct, and empathize more effectively.
-
IF you’ve worked through it.
-
Might be broader than your situation.
Transformation Application: What part of your story—your mess—might actually be your message? Don’t hide it. Share it. Someone needs to hear it.
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Transformation Tip: “The things that we love tell us what we are.” — Thomas Aquinas
Lead In
Concept(s)
- The word “Passion” is overused.
- Sometimes looks like anger - the same coin
- Desire versus the object of your desire
- What do you really want?
Transformation Application: Draw a heart shape. Start filling it in with words that surfaced during these questions.
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Transformation Tip: “Success leaves clues” - Tony Robbins
Concept(s)
- Looking at your past to identify times when you felt pride in your work and a sense of accomplishment, enjoyed it, you were probably in your zone, and leveraging your favorite skills and talents.
- Reverse engineer those scenarios to find patterns and trends
- Looking at your past can also show which activities and settings did NOT work for you.
- Caveat - We’re not talking about a “winning formula.” That can lead to problems
- The biggest barrier to success is past success
- Rather, the traits, skills, and talents that went into past successes. They can be repurposed and recombined for new opportunities.
Transformation Application: Just start by writing out your first story
Other Resources:
Book: What Color is Your Parachute? https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-Meaningful/dp/1984861204/ref=sr_1_1
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Transformation Tip: “What would happen if we studied what was right with people instead of what's wrong with them?" - Don Clifton
Concept(s)
- People are complex. Human development and the person.
- Helps you understand yourself, your needs, and your blind spots
- Helps you understand other people
- Giving traits a name and dissecting shines the light of understanding
- Who you are NOT. What to stay away from.
- Where to position yourself, and where you thrive
Transformation Application: Take an assessment. Read through the whole report.
Assessments:
Gallup CliftonStrengths https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10003/cliftonstrengths-34 mailto:askpete@petecoaching.com
Thinking Wavelength mailto:steve@stevechuaintl.com
MBTI https://www.16personalities.com/
The Enneagram https://enneagramtest.net/
Motivational Gifts https://www.gifttest.org/
DISC https://www.123test.com/disc-personality-test/
Hogan Assessments https://www.hoganassessments.com/
Kolbe A Index https://www.kolbe.com/
Birkman method https://birkman.com/the-birkman-method
Lions Lead https://www.lionslead.com/
Parin https://www.pairin.com/
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Transformation Tip: Nosce Te Ipsum - Know Thyself - Socrates
Concept(s):
- Other people can see you better than you see yourself
- We’re our own worst counselors
- Blind spots
- Negative AND Positive qualities
- We tend to discount that which comes easily to us
- Accurate encouragement is powerful
- Constructive criticism, done well, can really help someone
Transformation Application: If you feel courageous enough, do a 360.
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Transformation Tip:” Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman
Concept(s)
- Misalignment is a more significant factor contributing to burnout than overwork.
- There’s a need for self-awareness so you can identify where you’d fit.
- Are some people just lucky?
- Alignment
- In the next episodes, we’ll give you the framework to help you gain clarity, and then wrap it up!
Transformation Application: Think about 2-3 pivotal moments where you came alive. Write them down.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: "We do not learn from experience... we learn from reflecting on experience." —John Dewey
Concept(s)
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Reflection Creates Awareness
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Reflecting on Values clarifies direction
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Reflection Turns Lessons into Wisdom
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Reflection charts the way forward
Transformation Application: This week, set aside a short block of time to pause before the next rush of activity. Ask three simple questions:
- What am I grateful for this year?
- What have I learned this year?
- What’s one adjustment I’ll make moving into the coming year?
Small reflections lead to big redirections.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life," - Victor Hugo
Concept(s)
- Step One: Pause and Process
-
- Step Two: Seek the Truth — Not Just Vindication (4 minutes)
- Step Three: Respond with Grace and Strategy
- Step Four: Protect Your Heart and Reputation and let time work it out
Transformation Application: If you’re facing a false accusation right now — pause, breathe, and remember: your response determines your redemption.
Steve’s email: stevechuaint@gmail.com
Pete’s email: askpete@petecoaching.com
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Transformation Tip: “NOT investing in yourself is selfish, because everyone else has to live with your blindspots” - Arjan Visser
Concept(s)
- Putting language around your future self
- Words place your ideas in a context and make them real
- Provides a measurement to align your choices. Cut back on distractions, and communicate with others.
Transformation Application: Practical exercise - Imagine you’re on the cover of Time magazine
Link to Arjan's book: https://www.amazon.com/LEAD-FUTURE-Identity-Strategic-Foresight/dp/9083475670/ref=sr_1_1
Arjan’s LinkedIn profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/apvisser/
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Transformation Tip: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr
Concepts:
-
Anchor your mindset in timeless truths, not shifting circumstances.
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Meditation and mindfulness create clarity and stability.
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Sacred writings reframe challenges with hope and perspective.
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Spiritual community strengthens your soul.
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Trust the larger plan
Transformation Application: Take 5 minutes to pray or meditate at a set time. Pray a simple prayer every morning this week - “God, guide my steps & open opportunities for me to align with your divine plan”
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
Concept(s)
-
- Evaluate your inner circle—are they energy-givers or energy-drainers?
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- Spend more time in environments that encourage your best thinking.
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- Limit exposure to consistently negative media and conversations.
-
- Seek collaboration with people who challenge you constructively.
- 5: What if I’m stuck in a negative environment?
Transformation Application: List your top five contacts and note how each impacts your energy.
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Transformation Tip: Fall seven times and stand up eight. – Japanese Proverb
Concept(s)
“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”- Maxwell Quote
- Circumstances don’t define us—our responses do.
- Expect setbacks as part of the growth process—don’t take them personally.
- Practice reframing: “This isn’t happening to me, it’s happening for me.”
- Use difficulties as character workouts, building patience and perseverance.
- Keep long-term vision in mind to prevent short-term discouragement.
- Lean on mentors and peers who model resilience.
Transformation Application: Try one of the Practical steps given with each concept.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” - John Maxwell
Concept(s)
- Your attitude and mindset are often more impactful than your words alone.
- Define your personal “why” so you have a reason to maintain a strong attitude.
- See personal growth as a continual journey, not a final destination.
- Recognize that legacy is built more on your spirit than your résumé.
Transformation Application: Think of one encouragement that you can give someone this week.
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Transformation Tip: “You cannot tailor-make the situations in life, but you can tailor-make the attitudes to fit those situations.” – Zig Ziglar
Concept(s)
- Identify toxic thought patterns and replace them with truth-based ones.
- Use “attitude audits” to regularly check your emotional and mental state.
- Surround yourself with content (books, podcasts, music) that lifts your thinking.
- Choose actions aligned with the attitude you want, even if you don’t feel it yet.
- Track small wins to reinforce the belief that change is happening.
Progress doesn’t always shout; sometimes it whispers in the form of small victories.
Transformation Application: Write one negative thought you’ve had today and reframe it in a positive way.
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Transformation Tip: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle
Concept(s)
- Attitude isn’t inherited—it’s learned and shaped through our responses to life’s events.
- Past failures can be reframed into stepping stones, not scars.
- Positive role models help shape how you see and respond to challenges.
- Creating Daily disciplines (journaling, affirmations, reflection) reinforces positivity.
- The more you practice a constructive attitude, the more automatic it becomes
Transformation Applications: Try journaling! Commit to one reflection or journaling habit.
- Research some prompts
- Summarize your day
- Record a prayer
- Read something and capture your thoughts
- No matter what - go with the flow. There is no right or wrong!
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes.” - John C Maxwell
Concept(s)
- You can’t control every circumstance, but you can control your internal response.
- Each day starts with the decision: “How will I approach what comes?”
- Choosing the right attitude boosts your motivation.
- Choosing gratitude reframes problems into possibilities.
- Letting feelings dictate attitude puts control in the hands of external events.
- Great leaders cultivate self-awareness to catch negative shifts early.
Transformation Application: Set a phone reminder mid-day to do a 30-second mood check. Have you fallen into negativity? If so, get yourself back on track.
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Transformation Tip: “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” – Winston Churchill
Concept(s)
- “Your skill may set the ceiling, but your attitude determines how close you get to it.”
- A positive mindset fuels persistence when obstacles appear.
- Attitude impacts how others perceive you—opening or closing opportunities.
- Modeling the right attitude can elevate a team’s morale or poison its environment.
- The energy your attitude brings is often mirrored back to you by colleagues, clients, and friends.
Transformation Application:
Take a moment to do an attitude check.
What do you need to intentionally focus on to get to the right place?
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Comparison is a tool - it can be healthy or destructive. The key is being able to identify when comparison is helping versus hurting our identity. In this episode, learn how to identify the patterns of negative comparison in your life.
Transformation Tip: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Teddy Roosevelt
Comparison is a tool - it can be healthy or destructive.
When it comes to negative comparison, don’t take the bait!
How do you know if the comparison is helping (upward) or hurting (downward)?
- If you can be inspired and motivated to be better (upward)
- If you’re comparing achievements (downward)
- If it leaves you feeling inferior (downward)
Comparison leads to performance orientation. When comparison makes us feel inferior, we then feel like we need to prove our worth through performance.
Our self-expectations can develop into a super image of what we think we need to be, but we will ALWAYS fall short of that image because there will always be someone we think is better than ourselves.
Transformation Application: This week catch yourself when you start comparing. Ask yourself whether this comparison is causing you to think upwards or downward.
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Transformation Tip: “The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing”
A lack of clarity can lead to overthinking. Overthinking can lead to overwhelm and ultimately getting stuck.
Practical tips for finding clarity:
- It is already in you
- Process of removal
- “Burning off the fog”
- Talk things out or journal (processing)
Clarity is NOT:
- Understanding the big picture in life
- Going to explain everything in your life
- Carved in stone and can never change
Transformation Application: Ask yourself if you are overthinking things. If you are, find someone to talk through it with you.
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Learning how to overcome the negative effects of comparison is imperative to aligning with your identity and thriving as your authentic self. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you conquer comparison and find joy in being you!
Transformation Tip: You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.
Tools to break comparison:
- Rather than compare, seek connection
- Share experiences
- Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
- Find authentic relationships
- Accept your limitations as a gift
- They will keep you humble and grounded
- Don’t look at your limitations as a disability
- Monitor your empowerment
- When you are functioning in your true identity/authentic self you will feel aligned and things will fall into place for you
- Compare yourself to yourself
- Internal validation
- Cultivate your inside environment
- If there is something in your life that speaks to you and makes you feel good - write it down and revisit them when you’re feeling external pressure of comparison
- This will remind you who you really are and the greatness within
- Stand your ground
- Remind yourself that other people’s reactions have nothing to do with you. Don’t listen to their opinions.
- As you start to break the mold culture has put you into, people will notice and might have a negative reaction to that and try to put you back in your “place”
- Stand your ground!
Transformation Application: Each day find something to celebrate in someone else and tell them!
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There is a big difference between listening and hearing. Learning how to be fully present in conversations will strengthen your connections and relationships. One of the best ways to show honor and respect to another person is to truly listen to what they are saying. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you become a better listener.
Transformation Tip: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen Covey
There is a big difference between listening and hearing.
Ways to focus on listening:
- Put your phone away!
- Be fully present
- Let people finish their sentences before jumping in with your thoughts
- Pay attention to the other person’s body language
- Empathize
- Give encouraging verbal cues
- Clarify and paraphrase what you’ve heard
- Ask good questions
People become much more open to hearing what you have to say when they know that you have listened to what they have to say
Transformation Application:PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! Be fully present when listening to people.
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Do you find yourself constantly looking for external validation and approval? This episode is for you. Learning to approve of yourself (flaws and all!) is key to being able to live in a place of freedom and bring the best out of those around you.
Transformation Tip: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval - Mark Twain
If you keep finding yourself in the approval trap, it is an indication that you are having a problem fully loving and accepting yourself.
Examples of the approval trap:
- Name Dropping
- Fishing for compliments
Transformation Application: Answer these 3 questions.
1) Do you approve of yourself?
2) Why or why not?
3) If you don't, what will it take until you do?
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Transformation Tip: “Efficiency is doing things right, effectiveness is doing the right things.” - Peter Drucker
Efficient - achieving maximum productivity with minimum waste of effort and expense
- Management focused
Effective - being successful in producing a desired result
- Leadership focused
With efficiency and effectiveness, one is not better than the other, it is knowing when to use each one.
- Efficient - take your ideas and assert them
- Get your team on board with your idea by forcing it
- Effective - collaborate
- Slow down so everyone is on board
- You need other people to round out your ideas
Transformation Application: Ask yourself “What tasks could I allow others to do that I have been doing myself? Put it into action and teach others how to do those tasks!
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Many people are overly focused on external leadership, but fail to realize the importance of self-leadership as a means to becoming a better leader to others. In this episode, Steve and Pete give practical tips for creating healthy self-awareness and developing the leader within each of us.
Transformation Tip: “Everything rises and falls on leadership” - John C. Maxwell
As soon as you notice something off, try to process it right when it happens
- You can never bury your problems dead; they will always resurrect
Taking care and paying attention to yourself is important!
Stop and take stock of where you are.
- Establish rhythms where you reflect on what happened in your week
- Listen to those around you
Learn to articulate what you are feeling when an issue arises within you.
- Ask yourself: “What or who is causing this situation?”
- Ask yourself: “Why is it impacting me?”
- Ask yourself: “How have I been handling this?”
- Ask yourself: “What character traits need to be developed?”
Transformation Application: Start a journal. Try for 3x a week. Review your day and start developing self-awareness for yourself.
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Transformation Tip: “When we choose what to see and who we hang out with, we’re actually choosing our future.”
Many people don't consciously choose their worldview.
There is a battle for our attention, our beliefs, and our values, which is pushed through media outlets.
What is my truth?
Transformation Application: Find a headline of a current event and go and read that story in three divergent outlets. See the truth in them and find a balanced view.
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Transformation Tip: “Without Clarity you can’t move forward.” - Steve Chua
Concept(s):
- Clarity is identifying and articulating the one thing that’s most important.
- Not a new idea you haven’t thought of. It is already in you.
- Process of removal - remove small complications so only the big thing remains
- Seeing how the pieces fit together
Transformation Application: We want to bring clarity to your purpose, so do one of the exercises mentioned and write out a purpose statement whether in 2 words, 12 words or 2 sentences. Remember is about who you are not what you’ve done!!!
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Transformation Tip: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner
Concept(s)
- “You think you’re God’s gift to the world!” implying that they thought too highly of themselves. Well, the truth is, you really are God’s gift to the world!
- You were born for a purpose
- Our perspective is that we believe we were placed on this earth for a reason.
- Difference between purpose and path
- Written in your design
Transformation Application: Ask this question - Why was I placed on the Earth? Journal and reflect.
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Transformation Tip: “Your mess becomes your message.”- Ed Silvoso
Concept(s)
- Life can be hard—really hard.
- These challenges helped shape who you are, and if you’ve worked through them, you’ve learned some valuable lessons.
-
A person to whom things come easily may not be able to explain their technique. But a person who had to learn the hard way can often explain, instruct, and empathize more effectively.
-
IF you’ve worked through it.
-
Might be broader than your situation.
Transformation Application: What part of your story—your mess—might actually be your message? Don’t hide it. Share it. Someone needs to hear it.
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Transformation Tip: “The things that we love tell us what we are.” — Thomas Aquinas
Lead In
Concept(s)
- The word “Passion” is overused.
- Sometimes looks like anger - the same coin
- Desire versus the object of your desire
- What do you really want?
Transformation Application: Draw a heart shape. Start filling it in with words that surfaced during these questions.
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Transformation Tip: “Success leaves clues” - Tony Robbins
Concept(s)
- Looking at your past to identify times when you felt pride in your work and a sense of accomplishment, enjoyed it, you were probably in your zone, and leveraging your favorite skills and talents.
- Reverse engineer those scenarios to find patterns and trends
- Looking at your past can also show which activities and settings did NOT work for you.
- Caveat - We’re not talking about a “winning formula.” That can lead to problems
- The biggest barrier to success is past success
- Rather, the traits, skills, and talents that went into past successes. They can be repurposed and recombined for new opportunities.
Transformation Application: Just start by writing out your first story
Other Resources:
Book: What Color is Your Parachute? https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-Meaningful/dp/1984861204/ref=sr_1_1
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Transformation Tip: “What would happen if we studied what was right with people instead of what's wrong with them?" - Don Clifton
Concept(s)
- People are complex. Human development and the person.
- Helps you understand yourself, your needs, and your blind spots
- Helps you understand other people
- Giving traits a name and dissecting shines the light of understanding
- Who you are NOT. What to stay away from.
- Where to position yourself, and where you thrive
Transformation Application: Take an assessment. Read through the whole report.
Assessments:
Gallup CliftonStrengths https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10003/cliftonstrengths-34 mailto:askpete@petecoaching.com
Thinking Wavelength mailto:steve@stevechuaintl.com
MBTI https://www.16personalities.com/
The Enneagram https://enneagramtest.net/
Motivational Gifts https://www.gifttest.org/
DISC https://www.123test.com/disc-personality-test/
Hogan Assessments https://www.hoganassessments.com/
Kolbe A Index https://www.kolbe.com/
Birkman method https://birkman.com/the-birkman-method
Lions Lead https://www.lionslead.com/
Parin https://www.pairin.com/
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Transformation Tip: Nosce Te Ipsum - Know Thyself - Socrates
Concept(s):
- Other people can see you better than you see yourself
- We’re our own worst counselors
- Blind spots
- Negative AND Positive qualities
- We tend to discount that which comes easily to us
- Accurate encouragement is powerful
- Constructive criticism, done well, can really help someone
Transformation Application: If you feel courageous enough, do a 360.
Free 360 tool https://www.petecoaching.com/blindspot
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Transformation Tip:” Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman
Concept(s)
- Misalignment is a more significant factor contributing to burnout than overwork.
- There’s a need for self-awareness so you can identify where you’d fit.
- Are some people just lucky?
- Alignment
- In the next episodes, we’ll give you the framework to help you gain clarity, and then wrap it up!
Transformation Application: Think about 2-3 pivotal moments where you came alive. Write them down.
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Transformation Tip: “Turn your wounds into wisdom”. - Oprah Winfrey
Concept(s)
Consequences of unresolved pain form unhealthy mindsets and behaviors (the 10 saboteurs)
- The Judge: generates false assumptions resulting in selective hearing.
- The Avoider: directs attention away from the conflict, leading to a lack of resolution
- The Controller: self-protects and creates a fearful negative perspective of what can go wrong, restricting others and destroying relationships
- The Hyper-Achiever: constant performance. Get self-worth from achievement. Unsustainable. make you too goal-focused (miss relationships and the big picture).
- The Hyper Rational: Feeds the controller and has a fear of taking risks (faith).
- The Hyper-Vigilant: results in danger-awareness level being calibrated to an extreme (worst-case scenario). Can never relax/anxious
- The Pleaser: Can’t say “NO” and has no boundaries – overwhelmed – guilt-driven.
- The Restless causes one to look for escape or comfort (grass is greener), Busyness
- The Stickler: needs perfection to find security and value, is caught in so much detail- can’t let go (too possessive).
- The Victim: causes one to take things (too) personally, focus on emotional state, and spend too much time venting and dwelling on all wrong negativity.
Practical:
POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE (SAGE QUALITIES)
-
EXPLORATION
-
EMPATHY
-
INNOVATION
-
NAVIGATION
-
ACTIVATE
Transformation Application: Go take the test. Get the book.
https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/
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Transformation Tip: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” - Queen Elizabeth II
Concept(s)
- Grieving is the natural human process of emotional suffering and adjustment experienced after a loss. It’s a resolution of internal conflict that allows one to move forward in life.
- It brings mental and emotional health, and potentially physical health.
- It means you love and that you care
- That’s why you hurt
- You need to decide to process it
- Unprocessed, it can reside for years
Transformation Application: If you’ve identified someone who wounded you, write a letter about how it impacted you, and get out your emotions. Forgive them. Burn it
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Transformation Tip: “Self-forgiveness is not letting yourself off the hook. It’s gently taking the hook out.” — Dr. Thema Bryant
Concepts:
When we act in ways that betray who we are, hurt others, or make bad decisions.
- Unintentional mistakes/poor decisions
- Unintentionally hurt someone
- Moral failure - betraying your conscience
- Intentionally hurt someone (revenge, slander, etc.)
It will lead to this cycle:
-
Shame
-
Guilt & Regret
-
Condemnation
-
Self-Judgment
-
Self-Rejection
-
Self-Hatred
-
Mind Oppression
-
Escape, performance, or False Comfort
-
Compulsion and Addiction
WE NEED TO BREAK THE CYCLE! This episode gives tips on how to break the cycle of shame and take steps towards forgiving yourself!
Transformation Application: Pick one thing and forgive yourself.
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Transformation Tip: “Forgiveness isn’t a feeling… It’s a choice.”
What is forgiveness?
- It releases any judgments we may have of the offender
- I let go of my right to be bitter, angry, vengeful, punitive, etc.
- We release our rights for an apology, vindication or justice
- It releases the offender from me to the universe
- It prepares the way for us to deal with our negative emotions
- It prepares the way for healing and potential reconciliation
- It is a daily process and may require repetition
Transformation Application: JUST DO IT!!
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Transformation Tip: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi
Concept(s)
- Offense -> hurt -> justification -> self righteousness -> judgment -> pride
- A judgment is an authoritative conclusion that my perception is the only way to see things
- Rooted in offense and pain.
- How do I know if I have a bitter-root judgment?
- Fruit of a bitter root
Next week, we will give you the steps to let go and help you understand what happens when you do!
Transformation Application: Make a list of the people/organizations that have hurt or offended and do you feel you are still carrying a judgment towards them?
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Transformation Tip: “There is nothing to fear except the power you give your own demons” - Sally Gardner
- What do we mean by your demons? - Internal thoughts and emotions that oppress, depress, obsess, and judge us or others.
- They imprison our minds with negative emotions and cause us to interpret life and relationships through a negative and potentially destructive lens
- Leads to irrational behavior and unhealthy internal narratives
- Leads to confusion because it’s often not rational or logical
- 2 types of internal conflict
- If we keep our demons it utilizes our energy to suppress our feelings and thoughts which will eventually exhaust us or affect our productivity.
In this episode, we will go over how to face, identify, and manage your demons in practical ways! This will set us up for the following weeks as we dive deeper into this series.
Transformation Application: If you’ve identified an unhealthy narrative, try to identify where it came from.
Additional Resources
- Wheel of emotions https://www.petecoaching.com/wheel-of-emotions-tool
- Book - Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine
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Transformation Tip: Proverbs 4:7 'The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.’
Concept(s) for “Getting Wisdom:
- Pays multiplied dividends
- Requires Humility and produces humility
- Teachability - a lifestyle of curiosity and growth. Always be open to learning.
- Play the long game
Practical Tips:
- Get wisdom
- Hang out with wise people
- Apply wisdom quickly - wisdom only works if you activate and practice.
- Know when to share it and when not to
Transformation Application: Identify 1-2 people in your life whom you respect. Go and talk to them - coffee - and ask their advice.
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Transformation Tip: Respect is unconditional high regard for the other person
In this episode, we sit down with Julie Thomas, the President of Priority Logistics Group, based in Cincinnati, to talk about trauma-informed leadership.
Transformation Application: Download the rest assessment.
Additional Resources:
- Contact Julie at julie.thomas@pdigo.com
- Trauma Free World has resources and an online course https://traumafreeworld.org/
- Download the Rest Assessment https://tinyurl.com/4y9a27wj
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Transformation Tip: “When you understand that people react based on their own wounds, you will stop taking things personally." — Unknown
Concept(s)
- When others trigger manifest in fight or flight.
- Triggers are often emotive and seek to gain control.
- Recognize, and know how to respond.
Four Practical Tips for Responding to Other People’s Triggers:
- Ignore
- Defuse or Deflect
- Empathize without agreeing
- Confront
Transformation Application: Choose one of the responses, and look for an opportunity to practice it this week.
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Transformation Tip: “ Your triggers are the fruit of a much deeper root!” Steve Chua
Concept(s)
- Triggers are created by significant events that leave scars, wounds, or compartments of pain, shame, insecurity, terror, panic
-
A trigger sends a message to a memory(ies) that leaves us vulnerable and unprotected and causes us to behave in self-protective ways
- The four F’s
- Triggers can cause us to act irrationally or cause us to overreact.
- Triggers can come from our wounded child.
We go over practical tips on how to identify trauma and how to start processing these events!
Transformation Application: Make a list of up to 3 triggers you think you might have. If you can’t think of any, ask a partner or close friend to help you identify them.
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Transformation Tip: “You can't change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” - CS Lewis.
Concept(s)
-
The power of your past events isn’t found in the events themselves.
-
You can’t change past events. But you can change the story you tell yourself about those events.
-
We have a way to compartmentalize our pain as a self-protective coping mechanism, which can take root and establish fear, insecurity, and panic.
-
When people are in unfamiliar territory, our brains need to develop a reason.
Practical Steps:
In this section, we go over a step-by-step guide on how to process these narratives and change perspective so that you can change the way you look at the past!
Here’s a link to the guide: https://www.petecoaching.com/how-to-change-your-past
Transformation Application: Download the guide in the show notes and work through just one issue first. If it works, do more!
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Transformation Tip: If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you. – Tamara Kulish
Concept(s)
- The definition of Trauma
- Trauma overwhelms the amygdala and hippocampus causing memories to be trapped in time
- Trauma questions your security and protection
- Trauma can reset your internal narrative
- Trauma can also cause you to live in denial
This episode explores the practical applications you can use to help you try to tackle trauma as quickly as you can.
Transformation Application: If you’ve recognized any of the lingering signs of trauma, go seek some help.
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Welcome Alia Eyres!
In this episode, we sit down with Alia Eyres, the former CEO of Mother's Choice, to talk about navigating major life transitions. Alia shares the key indicators that signaled it was time for a change, the pivotal moment that led her to take the leap, and the emotions she faced stepping into a new chapter. She also offers insight into how she processed her last season to transition well and gives practical advice for those considering a big change.
Transformation Application (Pick one of these steps to focus on this week):
-
Be alone - solitude
-
Be selective - choose objective counsel
-
Do not force the next thing - be open and flexible - close one chapter before starting the next one.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “There are people less qualified than you, doing the things you want to do, simply because they chose to believe in themselves” Marshall Goldsmith
Concept(s)
- The nature of disruption presents a window of opportunity where change happens.
- This opportunity can be for the good or for the bad!
- If the window opportunity closes, it’s harder to make the change.
Key aspects of embracing positive disruption:
- Openness to new ideas
- Experimentation: F.A.S.T
- Communication and collaboration:
- Growth mindset
Practical
- Embrace discomfort
- Identify strength
- Challenge the old systems, structures, and processes
- Clean house
- Reassessment
- Be forward-thinking
- Step up
Transformation Application:
Take a couple of hours away from distraction and ask yourself:
Q: What part of my normal life is being disrupted right now?
Q: What changes do I need to make that I’ve resisted?
Q: Who can I talk with to help process and consider alternatives?
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Transformation Tip: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference" - The Serenity Prayer
Concept(s)
- Understand the spectrums of emotional and mental response to disruption]
- Identify the feelings you might have
- Identify your negative narratives
- Identify negative behaviors
Transformation Application: Identify the disruption that’s troubling you, Tell someone the next two actions you will take.
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Transformation Tip: “Every best-laid plan never goes to plan” - Gen. Stanley McCrystal
Concept of Disruption:
- The nature of it
- How to handle it
- The Upside of it
Transformation Application: Any disruptions in your life? Any that you see coming? Take a moment to check how it might be affecting you mentally and emotionally. Get a reading on your vitals. Write it down (journal).
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “The aim of argument and discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” – Joseph Joubert
Concept(s)
- We all face times of conflict
- Although crises can be seen as catastrophic, they also provide opportunities for growth
- Recognize that conflict may appear even on a healthy team
- Working through conflict successfully will strengthen your leadership and team
- Beware of being conflict-averse
Practical
- Confrontation works best if you have developed your CONNECTION skills.
- Avoid viewing conflict as dangerous, as this results in a defensive approach which often escalates the situation
- Be quick to confront, without being reactive. Seek to avoid conflict through clear and timely communication
- Strike 3 process (Mistake - Warning - Act)
A Framework for Healthy Confrontation:
1) Go in peace
2) Speak value to the individual
3) Seek clarity and context
4) Explain your perspective
5) Take responsibility
6) Seek an agreeable solution
Transformation Application: Are there any conflicts that you have been avoiding?
Set an appointment to have that conversation. Use the 6 steps (or 3 strikes)
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Transformation Tip: ‘The two words 'information' and 'communication' are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through.” -Sydney J. Harris
HOW CAN I CONNECT BETTER WITH MY TEAM?
The five C’s:
- Connect
- Context
- Concise
- Concentrate
- Celebrate
Transformation Application: Think about about 2-3 people in your circle and celebrate them - recognize the value, worth and significance of individuals
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Transformation Tip: culture is caught, not taught - Steve Chua
What does a Toxic Culture look like? How does it happen?
- Me, my wants/needs priority
- Disrespecting others
- Lack of Integrity
- Lack of excellence
What does a healthy Culture look like?
- Servant leadership - empowering others
- Valuing others
- Integrity
- Excellence
How is culture formed?
- Atmosphere
- Environment
- Culture
Transformation Application: Write out personal & organizational values that are important, group them, and prioritize them.
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Transformation Tip: “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." —John C. Maxwell
Characteristics of a Thriving Leader:
- The leader’s sense of their identity
- Knowing their value and purpose
- Creativity
- Freedom
- Joy
- Passion
- Innovation
Characteristics of a Striving Leader:
- An insecure identity resulting in a culture of fear
- Needs validation
- Insecurity and fear
- Need to prove yourself
- Addictive behavior
- Unhealthy reactions
Transformation Application: As we reviewed these different characteristics, what words struck home with you? Too many? Just pick one.
What resources can you engage to start to address them? Coaching, podcasts, books on the topic, our podcasts from previous seasons.
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Transformation Tip: “You Can't Change The Fruit Without Changing The Root”
Four areas that need to be addressed to see healthy Organizations prosper:
- Leader
- Leadership team
- Organization
- Marketplace, Competition
Transformation Application: Do you have a leader who is having a positive impact on you? Take time to intentionally thank that person and encourage them.
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Transformation Tip: "We can learn to take a risk and embrace change; the alternative is stagnation." - Virginia Satir
Journey of Change:
- Trigger
- Discomfort
- Avoid
- Embrace
- Practice
- Mastery
Transformation Application: Do you feel triggered because of some changes? Write down - what is the discomfort you’re feeling? If you’re avoiding something - why are you avoiding it? Be honest. Tell yourself that you have to face it and embrace it.
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Transformation Tip: “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” — Dolly Parton.
Thinking Wavelength is one framework. Clifton Strengths is another.
Today we’re going to see how these two approaches complement each other
Transformation Application: What is the greatest insight you’ve gotten from today’s episode? Based on that, how could you apply it in the next 24 hours?
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Transformation Tip: ”Tolerance, intercession, and respect for the way different people think is what makes humanity beautiful." — Aung San Suu Kyi
Link to Thinking Wave Length assessment and results:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com/thinkwave-graphic
Keys to be Successful in Using your Wavelength
- People generally cannot change their thinking wavelength, regardless of the amount or type of training received.
- You will tend to work best with people who are 1.5 points on either side of you.
- You are able to operate 1 - 1.5 points from your equilibrium number
- Working beyond 1.5 – 2 points from your number will create friction, frustration, depression, and burnout.
- Concrete Thinkers pop the bubble of abstract thinkers by focusing on why or the potential problems.
Transformation Application: How satisfied are you with your work? On a scale of low-med-high. If you’re low to medium, could it be because you’re misaligned with your thinking wavelength score? Do some reflection.
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Transformation Tip: "Every action is rooted in the thought that produced it. Your starting point will dictate your finishing point" - Graham Cooke
The Thinking Wavelength Assessment:
On a scale from 1-10, how well do you NATURALLY react when having to deal with the following
- Risk
- Change
- Variables
- Sequencing
- Ambiguity
Link to Thinking Wavelength assessment and results:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com/thinkwave-graphic
Transformation Application: Take the test and see whether the number resonates with you. Did your number resonate with you? Think about 2-3 times you were operating in your thinkwave - how did it make you feel? Did you feel you were thriving and in your element?
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Transformation Tip: Self-awareness is not self-ish
Types of Strengths:
- Relational
- Executing
- Thinking
- Influencing
Repeat the 5 strategies
- Don’t do it
- Try Harder
- Leverage tools and systems
- Borrow from someone else
- Use one of your signature strengths
Transformation Application: Take the assessment. Have someone else take the assessment and compare your results together.
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Transformation Tip: “You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie
This week’s talent: WOO
Intrinsic needs:
- To meet new people
- Something to win people over to
- To be appreciated and understood as a strategic networker.
- You’ll also want people to get back to you and tell you how their intro follow-up went.
Potential blindspots:
- Others may view you as shallow and insincere because you connect with people quickly and then move on.
- You may have a tendency to reveal yourself and trust others too quickly. This may cause more reserved people to step back from a relationship.
- Because you operate easily in social settings, you may not understand why more people can’t do it as well.
Transformation Application: Thank a WOO person for introducing you to someone. Let them know how it went. Also, If you need some strategic contacts to help move something forward, find a WOO person.
Connect On Social:
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Pete Facebook
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Transformation Tip: “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives” - Jackie Robinson
This week’s talent: Significance
Intrinsic needs:
- Feedback from a caring leader to know that you are heard, valued, and recognized
- To be acknowledged that you are making a difference
- To be seen as competent and professional
Potential blindspots:
- Because of your strong Significance talents, people might perceive you as overly concerned about your reputation and success.
- Sometimes you might mask your vulnerability or come across as overly controlled, and this can make it difficult for others to know how to support you.
Transformation Application: Are there people in your life who exhibit the Significance of talent? Go tell them that you appreciate them. They will thrive off of that.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” - Norman Vincent Peale
This week’s talent: Self-Assurance
Intrinsic needs:
- Freedom to act independently
- To be in an environment where you can be bold and confident
- To follow your “gut”
Potential blindspots:
- Your confidence in making the right decisions might make you feel like you don’t need to consult anyone else.
- Because you usually sound like you know what you’re talking about, whether you do or not, others might be nervous about questioning you.
Transformation Application: The next time you need to decide, think through the options, then go with your gut.
Connect On Social:
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Pete Facebook
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Transformation Tip: Excellence is not a skill, it's an attitude. - Ralph Marston
This week’s talent: Maximizer
Intrinsic needs:
- To be able to focus on strengths and excellence
- Freedom to excel
- To be in an environment that encourages growth and quality
Potential blindspots:
- Your desire to exhaust all possible outcomes can frustrate those who want to come to a suitable conclusion and move forward.
- You might be disappointed when a project or initiative falls short of your definition of excellence.
Transformation Application: What’s an action plan you have to develop one of your strengths and make it even stronger? Don’t have a plan, find a maximizer or a coach
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." - Babe Ruth
This week’s talent: Competition
Intrinsic needs:
- The opportunity to regularly compete and win
- Feedback/information to compare yourself with. (What’s the score?)
- Pick jobs/roles where your performance can be measured.
- To be on a winning team
- Take time to celebrate your wins.
Potential blindspots:
- Be careful not to let your competitive spirit get in the way of your relationships.
- Winning at all costs isn’t winning; it’s self-defeating.
Transformation Application: If you achieved a level of excellence in an area, go find someone who’s even better than you and see what you can learn from them. Talk, join them on a project, work alongside them.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “How well we communicate is not determined by how well we say things but how well we are understood.” – Andrew Grove, engineer, CEO
This week’s talent: Communication
Intrinsic needs:
- To process/think/learn “out loud”
- Frequent opportunities to speak and/or to write
- A collaborative sounding board(s), and objective feedback
Potential blindspots:
- Because you are naturally verbal and instinctively share your thoughts, you may not realize when you are monopolizing a discussion.
- Remember that your words are not always enough to motivate others.
- Be careful to not judge bad or even mediocre presentations
Transformation Application: If you’re going to give a presentation, your natural tendency will be to shoot from the hip, because you’re gifted. But, practice and prepare, and it will be that much more effective.
If you’re not a communicator but need to present, go talk to a communicator they’ll help you get it nice.
Connect On Social:
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Pete Facebook
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Transformation Tip: "Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand." —Gen. Colin Powell
This week’s talent: Command
Intrinsic needs:
- Strong leaders to follow
- Clear direction and priorities
Potential blindspots:
- Your decisiveness and presence can be intimidating, whether you intend them to be or not.
- Because you speak with authority, you might be used to getting the final word.
- Some obstacles don’t need to be confronted, they need to be circumvented.
Transformation Application: Next time you want to say something, do it in the form of a question.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will. – W. Clement Stone
This week’s talent: Activator
Intrinsic needs:
- To act…now!
- To have others join you
- To be in an environment that allows you to “activate”
Potential blindspots:
- Sometimes you might charge ahead and act without a solid plan.
- You’re most likely not a great “finisher.”
- The force of your urging people to take action might make them feel overwhelmed and pressured to act before they are comfortable.
Transformation Application: Identify one project you’ve been putting off, and go take the first action step (which is NOT thinking about it”).
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Transformation Tip: “Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
This week’s talent: Strategic
Intrinsic needs:
- To be part of the decision-making process
- Time to “muse” until the related patterns and issues emerge for you
- Freedom to make mid-course corrections
- Freedom from, “But we’ve always done it that way.”
Potential blindspots:
- When working with others, sometimes they may misinterpret your strong Strategic talents as criticism.
- Because you evaluate patterns and pathways so quickly, others might find it difficult to follow or understand your thought process.
- You may get frustrated when others don’t see the way forward as quickly or easily as you do.
Transformation Application: The next time you’re trying to explain your strategy, illustrate it with pictures (like a flowchart).
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets." — Leonardo da Vinci
This week’s talent: Learner
Intrinsic needs:
- Must always be learning
- Opportunities to share new knowledge
- Freedom to learn in areas that are of interest
Potential blindspots:
- You place a high value on learning and studying and may tend to impose this value on others.
- You love the process of learning so much that the outcome might not matter to you.
Transformation Application: If you learned something new this week, go tell someone about it. But make sure you do it in a way that they understand.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “Every deep thinker is more afraid of being understood than of being misunderstood.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
This week’s talent: Intellection
Intrinsic needs:
- Time alone to process and reflect, sometimes multiple times a day
- To be asked to share wisdom and insights
- Others to recognize that their thoughts are valuable.
Potential blindspots:
- Because you are comfortable with silence and solitude, others might view you as isolated, disinterested, or disengaged.
- Some people might think you create needless complexity during discussions and may want you to make decisions faster than you do.
Transformation Application: If you find yourself being misunderstood in a group, qualify yourself.
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Transformation Tip: “Retrieval is the knot at the end of the string that prevents you from forgetting what you learn.” - Peter C. Brown
This week’s talent: Input
Intrinsic needs:
- A system to store and retrieve information
- Opportunities to share what you know to help others
- Time to explore areas of curiosity. “Treasure hunting”
Potential blindspots:
- Unrestrained input can lead to intellectual or physical clutter.
- You might tend to give people so much information or resources that you can overload and overwhelm them.
Transformation Application: Choose something to declutter this week. You might need some help.
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Transformation Tip: “If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein
This week’s talent: Ideation
Intrinsic needs:
- To be patient as you clarify and refine your ideas
- Freedom to ideate without restrictions and confinement of the status quo
- Need others as a sounding board
Potential blindspots:
- Your limitless thoughts and ideas can sometimes overwhelm and confuse people.
- You might struggle to follow through on the ideas you generate.
- Is it for me? Is it for now?
- You may continue to ideate when execution is required.
Transformation Application: If you’re stuck, go spend time with an ideator to get some fresh new approaches.
If you are an ideator, keep a log of your new ideas. Write them down before you share them. Let them stew. If it keeps coming back, it’s probably a good one.
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Transformation Tip: “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Peter Drucker
This week’s talent: Futuristic
Intrinsic needs:
- Time to dream about the future
- Sounding boards to refine the vision
- A message and community to share the vision.
- To partner with action-oriented people.
Potential blindspots:
- Because you live in the future, you may find it difficult to enjoy the present moment.
- Some people may dismiss your visions because they can’t see the future as you do.
- Because you always think about the future, you continually change the goalposts and may forget the last one you set.
Transformation Application: Write out your vision, and use graphics. Bounce it off people to see if it connects
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Transformation Tip: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana,
This week’s talent: Context
Intrinsic needs:
- To know others' stories, to understand them
- To know the history of things
- Time to reflect on the past
- Celebrate milestones
Potential blindspots:
- Some people might think that you live in the past and are resistant to change.
- You are often fascinated by the historical perspective and the lessons it reveals, but others may find this information boring or overwhelming.
Transformation Application:Pay attention if you’ve lost the interest of people in your explanations
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Transformation Tip: “The price for greatness is responsibility” - Winston Churchill
This week’s talent: Responsibility
Intrinsic needs:
- The confidence and trust of others
- Freedom from micromanagers
- Freedom to say “no”
- Healthy boundaries
Potential blindspots:
- Because they find it difficult to turn down others’ requests, sometimes they overcommit.
- Too many obligations can keep them from spending time with the most important people in their lives.
- Hard time delegating - Messiah complex
Transformation Application: If you think you might be micromanaging, go ask your people to give you honest feedback
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Transformation Tip: “If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.” ― Albert Einstein
This week’s talent is: Restorative
Intrinsic needs:
- Freedom to solve the problem
- To be asked, “What needs attention, and what could be improved?”
- To be encouraged and affirmed for their contribution
Potential blindspots:
- Because they have an orientation to see what’s broken, others might think that all they see are flaws and shortcomings.
- They probably tend to be self-critical and hard on themselves.
- They might automatically rush to solve every problem.
Transformation Application: Take a moment to think about people who have helped you solve a problem. Send them a text to thank them.
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Transformation Tip: “Numbers don’t lie, but they don’t tell the whole story.”
This week's strength: Analytical
Intrinsic needs:
- Time to gather and process all the pertinent facts/data
- An avenue to share information
- To be understood when questioning others’ assumptions
Potential blindspots:
- Because you ask many questions, people may think that you doubt the validity of their ideas, you do not trust them, or are tough to work with.
- Your objective and fact-based approach to decision-making may seem skeptical or critical.
- You may tend to give too many details to decision-makers.
Transformation Application: Practice how to summarize something in 1-2 minutes.
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Transformation Tip: “If you aim at nothing you’re sure to hit it”
This week’s talent: Focus
People exceptionally talented in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through and make the corrections necessary to stay on track.
Intrinsic needs:
- Clear and compelling destination and goals
- Clear order of priorities
- An environment free from constant distractions
Potential blindspots:
- Those with this strength may focus so intently on their work that they don’t notice when goals and priorities change.
- When absorbed in something, they may be slow to respond to others’ immediate needs and appear emotionally distant.
Relating to someone with this strength:
- They need little supervision and work well independently
- They make great meeting administrators
- Involve this person on projects with critical deadlines.
- Don’t expect them to be sensitive to others feelings
Transformation Application:
- List three things you want to get done this week.
- Now PRIORITIZE them
- Tackle the most important first and avoid distractions
Focus Prioritization Resource: https://businessaccelerator.com/the-3x3-goal-achievement-strategy/
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Transformation Tip:“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” - Jim Rohn
People exceptionally talented in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
Talent in action:
- People with strong Discipline talents thrive in a predictable and orderly environment, so they instinctively create and follow plans to organize their lives.
- They set up routines, focus on timelines, and meet deadlines.
- Precision, details, efficiency, and control are important to the way to go about your day
Intrinsic needs:
- To be in a structured environment
- The opportunity to create order out of chaos
- To know what is expected of you
Potential blindspots:
- Because of their need for predictability and control, others might view them as rigid and inflexible.
- As much as they thrive on structure and organization, others thrive on the freedom to innovate.
Relating to someone with this strength:
- If there’s a deadline, tell them far in advance. They like to get work done ahead of schedule.
- Try not to give them sudden surprises - that could ruin their day
- Physical clutter will annoy this person
Transformation Application: Which of the 5 strategies for non-talents resonated with you the most? Implement it.
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Transformation Tip: “There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.” - Robin Williams
People exceptionally talented in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate obstacles.
- People with strong Deliberative talents are private. They are careful and vigilant to protect and prevent harm.
- Beneath the surface of decisions, they think ahead and see the possibility of risks.
Intrinsic needs:
- The opportunity to weigh the implications and assess risk.
- Time to think and not rushed to make a decision
- To be asked, “What could go wrong that we’re not anticipating?”
Potential blindspots:
- Because you take time to think carefully before making a decision, people might perceive you as forgetful, slow, or afraid to act.
- Paralysis by analysis
- Your cautious and serious outlook on life might give the impression that you are a distant, private, and unapproachable person.
Transformation Application: If you are someone with the Deliberative strength, consider softening the language before sharing your insights. If you do not have this strength, tell a deliberative that you appreciate them.
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Transformation Tip: “If you are willing to abandon your principles for convenience and social acceptability, they are not your principles. They are your costume” - Diana Rhodes
This week’s strength - Belief
- Unchanging core values that give them purpose
- Motivation comes from their core values
Intrinsic needs:
- Needs opportunity to live out core values
- Needs to know they are making a difference
- Needs work to align with the purpose
Blind spots:
- Can be prone to being judgmental
- Can hold onto relationships too long
If you know someone who has the strength of belief:
- Help them connect their values with their work
- Learn about their family/communities to help relate to them
Transformation Application: Take time this week and think of 5 key values that you live out.
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Transformation Tip: “Success isn’t always about greatness, it is also about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come” - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
- This week’s strength: Consistency
- Aware of the need to treat people equally
- Crave routine and clear rules
- Repeatability
- Intrinsic Needs
- Hates favoritism, nepotism, special treatment
- Want opportunities to make things fair and equal
- Need to be treated fairly
- Blind Spots
- So committed to treating everyone equally that they can forget that every person has unique needs
- Might see themselves as the guardian of “what is right”
Transformation Application: If you do have a consistency strength, look for an opportunity where you can help make things fair. If you do not have a consistency strength, find someone else who has it and ask them for help!
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Transformation Tip: “A resourceful person can see opportunity when others only see obstacles” - Garret Gunderson
This week’s strength: Arranger
- Manages all the variables to find the most productive outcome
- Does best in dynamic situations
- Curveballs don’t bother them (rearranger)
Intrinsic needs:
- Does best when things are changing
- Opt into a project and then opt out when your work is done
Blind spots:
- Other people can be confused by how you think - sometimes you need to explain yourself
- Sometimes arrangers can take over and not realize it
If you know an arranger…
- They like challenges
- Make great supervisors or managers
- They will figure out how to get things done regardless of the obstacles
Transformation Application: If you know someone who is an arranger, don't be afraid to ask them for help!
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “Just do it” - Nike
This week’s strength: Achiever
- Hard worker
- Take satisfaction in being busy and productive
- Loves to make a list and check off items on that list
- Gets stuff done
Intrinsic needs:
- Balance
- Work
- Resting
- Hobbies
- Relationships
- Periodically celebrate achievements
Blind spots
- Judge those who don't work as hard as they do
- Can be seen as too demanding
- You might take on projects before you know how much work it is
If you know someone who is an achiever:
- understand that these people like to be busy. Don't try to impose your way on them
- Build a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship with them by working hard next to them
- Help guide them prioritize
Transformation Application: If achiever is one of your strengths, take at least 30 minutes this week to celebrate something you've accomplished. If you know someone who is an achiever, encourage them to also celebrate their wins and smell the roses.
Connect On Social:
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Transformation Tip: “There is nothing on earth more to be prized than true friendship” - Thomas Aquinas
This week’s strength: Relator
- Enjoys deep relationships with others
- Believes in the power of personal authentic relationships
- Believes in the relationship more than being right
- Lifelong friends
- Generous
Intrinsic Needs:
- One-on-one interactions
- Time with your inner circle
- Struggles in a toxic environment
- Likes to be told they are cared about
Blind spots
- Slow to trust others
- Can be exclusive with inner-circle
Transformation Application: If you are having a hard time trusting people quickly, develop a back pocket statement. Identify 3 facts about yourself that are vulnerable and use them when speaking with new people.
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Transformation Tip: “Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will” - Zig Ziglar
This week’s strength: Positivity
These people:
- Have enthusiasm
- Can get people excited about things
- Looks for optimistic outcomes
- Enjoys celebrating
Intrinsic Needs
- To have fun
- Positive atmosphere
- Freedom from over-critical people
- To be appreciated
Blind Spots
- Can become self-seeking
- If you use it too much, your positivity can look superficial
- People might not take you seriously
- Be careful that you don’t over-shadow someone in a hard situation by jumping in right away with positivity
Practical Tips
- Be genuine
- Be strategic when using positivity
- Pick the right opportunity
- Know WHEN to use your strengths
Transformation Application: If you do have positivity as a strength, look for opportunities to be strategic with it. If you know someone who has positivity in your life, tell them you appreciate them.
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Transformation Tip: “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken” - Oscar Wild
This week’s strength: Individualization
People who are:
- Intrigued with what makes people unique individual
- Understand people very well - good at reading people
- Don't like generalizations
- Believes one size DOES NOT fit all
Intrinsic needs:
- Opportunity to customize
- Appreciated and valued for uniqueness
- Help people get into their zone
Blind Spots
- Know more about other people than they know about you
- Might put the individual needs ahead of the group needs
- Trying to cater to everyone’s desires can get complicated
Transformation Application: If you are catering to too many people, pause and ask yourself if you need to do this and if you are truly serving the collective whole.
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Transformation Tip: “An open door is a welcome that makes a stranger into a friend”
- This week’s strength: Includer
- Accept others
- Show awareness to those who are left out
- Desire to increase the circle
- Build a sense of community
- Can tell you when you might be missing
- What or who can be added to this
- Needs
- A high need to feel included
- Blindspots when overused
- If they see others not including people, they can become judgemental of them
- Want everyone to value the things they do
- Include too many people
- This may slow down the process
- Unnecessary complicatedness
- If they see others not including people, they can become judgemental of them
- Good positions for them
- Wellcome groups
- Orientation positions
Transformation Application: Think about your workplace or an environment you are often in, think about someone who is excluded, and practice your inclusion.
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Transformation Tip: “All we are saying is give peace a chance” - John Lennon
This week's focus strength: Harmony
- Generally look for consensus
- Does not like conflict - looks for areas of agreement
- Peacekeepers + Peacemakers
This strength is not weak it is vitally important in relationships and teams.
Harmonizers Needs:
- Need the ability to acknowledge when a confrontation becomes unhealthy
- Need shared values
- Need to be on teams with a shared vision
Blind spots when overused:
- Practicality from others can become frustrating
- Sometimes for the sake of peace, they sacrifice progress
- Avoid conflict
- Sometimes conflict is needed!
Management
- Find other harmonizers - you will work best with them
- Stretch outside your comfort zone and voice your honest opinion
Transformation Application: Identify an opportunity where you can move from a peacekeeper to a peacemaker. If you are not a harmonizer, tell one that you know that you appreciate them.
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Transformation Tip:“Empathy is like giving someone a psychological hug.” - Lawrence J
Empathy Strength:
- You intuitively feel something before it is expressed
- You will feel others’ emotions as if they are your own
- Instinctive and powerful
- Can help translate the functional to the relational
How to manage the empathy talent well:
- Be in an emotionally healthy environment
- Need to have good emotional boundaries
Blind Spots:
- Can turn co-dependant
- The need to feel needed
- Abusers will prey on and take advantage of this talent
- People’s emotions tend to stick to you
- Mistake other’s emotions as your own
Transformation Application:
1.) If you don't naturally have empathy: before you talk, imagine what it’s like in the other person’s shoes.
2.) If you do have empathy: Practice at the end of your day or after you’ve had an empathetic moment, reminding yourself that it is not your issue, and release their emotions off of yourself.
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Transformation Tip: “The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership” -- Harvey Firestone
- Developer Talent
- Recognize and cultivate the potential in others
- Intrinsic Needs
- Need to work with people or organizations that desire growth
- Their potential needs to be recognized
- Blindspot
- You see potential in people, but they have to want to change as much as you want it for them
- If you become overly invested in someone else’s development you can become co-dependent
- Need to feel needed
- You forget to develop yourself when you’re busy developing others
- A mature developer
- Looks for opportunities to grow
- Grows talent in other people
- Becomes a teacher, a coach, a mentor
Transformation Application: Ask yourself: are there people in my life that I want more for than they want for themselves? Ask yourself if it is still worth developing them. If you are not a developer - go out of your way to thank someone who has developed you.
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Transformation Tip: “Realize that everything connects to everything else” - Leonardo Divinci
People with connectedness strength see links between things which helps bring meaning and value to situations.
- Qualities of someone with strong connectedness
- Nonlinear
- They see unity in humankind
- Spiritual
- Intuitiveness
- Bridge-builders
- How to manage this talent
- It is important to be part of a team with a shared vision
- They will not demand things but suggest things
- Need to feel heard by those around
- Potential blind spots
- When others get bad news you may try to jump to the big picture too quickly instead of offering comfort and understanding
- If someone isn’t getting what you are saying - sometimes you need to back off because explaining it even more won’t help them.
Transformation Application: Try to find a situation this week where you can focus on your blindspots. If you do not have the talent of connectedness, find someone in your life who does and tell them you appreciate them.
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Transformation Tip: “Blessed are the flexible for they will not get bent out of shape”
The strength of adaptability is powerful!
- Blind spots:
- Can be frustrating to people who want to “stay the course”
- Miss deadlines/running late
- Can be too trusting
- The strength can be easily overused
- Positive
- Can help others
- Relationship comes first
- Very likable
- Go with the flow
- Flexible
- Tips
- Look for leadership opportunities
- You may not be good with planning - find people who are!
- Stay away from roles with a lot of structure
- You will do well with roles that allow a lot of changes/short-term assignments
Transformation Application: If you are high in adaptability - pick a blindspot to work on. If you don't have adaptability - find someone who you think is and tell them you appreciate them.
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Transformation Tip: “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” - Maya Angelou
You will see exponential results if you already have talent in a specific area and try to develop it, rather than try to develop a talent in an area you struggle with.
“What if we study what is right with people rather than what is wrong with people?"
Your biggest weaknesses hide in the shadows of your strengths
Transformation Application: Consider taking the Clifton Strengths assessment: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253868/popular-cliftonstrengths-assessment-products.aspx
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Transformation Tip: "Our connection should lead us to greater connection and direction." --Steve Chua
This episode highlights how to use reflection as a tool for personal growth and direction. Steve and Pete stress the importance of reflecting on the past year to identify patterns, learn from experiences, and let go of things to make room for new opportunities.
Reflection should not be a static process but rather lead to greater connection and direction.
Transformation Application: Take intentional time for personal reflection and growth during the holiday season.
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Transformation Tip: “Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you” - Katie Reed
Wheel of life - make 8 segments of a circle. Assess how you are doing in each area on a scale of 1-10:
- Career
- Health
- Money/Finance
- Family/Friends
- Significant Other/Romance
- Fun and recreation
- Serving the community
- Personal growth and development
- Physical environment
- Insert your own category here
Connect the lines - is it balanced?Date it - pull it back out at a later date to measure growth Transformation Application: Pick one or two of the categories to address. Then list one or two action items to help improve those categories. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
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Purpose, destiny, and passion are not the same thing. In this episode, Steve and Pete discuss and differentiate these concepts to bring clarity to finding your true purpose.
Transformation Application: "Purpose is not just what we do, but what happens in others when we do what we do." - Dr. Caroline Leaf
There is often a misconception that purpose is a single event
True purpose is found in understanding one's own value and making a meaningful impact on others
Success is not the same as significance
We must accept and embrace our imperfections. This allows us to truly focus on serving others and leads to fulfillment and significance
Transformation Application: Reflect and write down three times that you have felt a sense of joy while adding value to a situation or community. Consider what you would sacrifice time, energy, or resources to do again.
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Transformation Tip: “The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing”
A lack of clarity can lead to overthinking. Overthinking can lead to overwhelm and ultimately getting stuck.
Practical tips for finding clarity:
- It is already in you
- Process of removal
- “Burning off the fog”
- Talk things out or journal (processing)
Clarity is NOT:
- Understanding the big picture in life
- Going to explain everything in your life
- Carved in stone and can never change
Transformation Application: Ask yourself if you are overthinking things. If you are, find someone to talk through it with you.
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Transformation Tip: “I am always ready to learn, although I don’t always like being taught” - Winston Churchill
People retain information differently
Demonstration and discussion help with long-term memory
Transformation Application: Think about how you want to communicate knowledge.
What can you do to make your communication more effective?
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Transformation Tip: “When we choose what to see and who we hang out with, we’re actually choosing our future.”
Many people don't consciously choose their worldview.
There is a battle for our attention, our beliefs, and our values which is pushed through media outlets.
What is my truth?
Transformation Application: Find a headline of a current event and go and read that story in three divergent outlets. See the truth in them and find a balanced view.
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Transformation Tip: “We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are or as we are conditioned to see it” - Gabor Maté
Every action is rooted in the thought that produced it
Your worldview is the collection of your attitudes, values, stories, expectations, etc.
You don't often think about what is truly shaping your decisions, but your worldview is impacting how you see and respond to situations every single day.
Factors that shape worldview:
- Environment
- Parents
- Culture
- Education
- Spiritual/Moral Principles
Transformation Application: Think of a topic you have a strong opinion about or affiliation with and then ask yourself “What or who shaped that belief or affinity towards that thought”? Trace it backward and recognize if that root is healthy or unhealthy.
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Transformation Tip: “It ain’t what you know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”- Mark Twain
It is essential to keep growing as a leader and as a mature adult
Alvin Toffler said: The illiterate of the future are not those who can’t read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
What to do with your old thinking when confronted with new evidence:
- Scrap it
- Edit it
- Augment it
- Create a new category
Transformation Application: Is there an old mindset that isn’t serving you well? Take time to articulate it and ask yourself if you should scrap, edit, augment, or create a new category.
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Transformation Tip: “It is an acknowledged fact we perceive errors in the work of others more readily than in our own” - Leonardo DaVinci
The more we understand how our brains are wired, the better decisions we can make.
3 Types of Cognitive Bias:
- Anchoring Effect - influenced heavily by the first piece of information you’ve received about something
- Not taught, but caught
- Confirmation Bias - favoring information that conforms to your existing beliefs and discounting information that doesn’t.
- Hardwired into your brain
- Affinity Bias - unfair favoring towards your own group, tolerating errors, and making excuses for our “in-group”
Transformation Application:Be aware of the information you receive, stop, and ask if you have an anchoring effect. What do you truly believe? Are there people you are continuously judging? Be careful about labeling and aware of bias.
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Transformation Tip: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions.”
Mindsets: Don't react with fight or flight. Face it. Don't let things fester.
- Practical Tips:
- Practice relational hygiene
- Grow in emotional intelligence
- Be curious
- Own your emotions
- Strike three process
- Weigh the consequences
- When you get a resolution, it can become a coaching moment
Transformation Application: Information + application = transformation. If you’ve been stewing on a conflict choose to address it. Start the conversion with curiosity, not anger.
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Whether we realize it or not, many of us have inner conflicts that affect our relationships with ourselves and others. In this episode, Steve and Pete offer practical tips for putting relational conflict behind you to find full freedom.
Transformation Tip:If you own this story, you get to write the ending.
Roots of conflict that cause us to get off track
- Involuntary: what people have done to cause conflict to you
- Voluntary: what you have done to cause conflict to others
How to bring ourselves back into alignment:
- Involuntary
- Forgiveness
- Voluntary
- Taking responsibility
- Forgiveness
- Accepting yourself
Pete’s Poem: “Should”
When I take stock of who I am and see that things are good.
A thief comes in to steal my joy accusing me, “but you should”.
You should be more productive. Your body should be slim.
That guy right there is so well-liked. You should be more like him.
So now there's a rubbly where my esteem once stood, knocked down with cruel intention by the wrecking ball of should.
“How dare you be contented! Your best will never do.”
“Try harder still”. His voice demands, “become a different you”.
I get back on the hamster wheel determined to improve
but hear him say to my dismay, “the finish line has moved”.
Then in a time of clarity, I see I have a choice.
I can choose to tune him out and hear a different voice.
I hear I am accepted. I hear I am enough.
And where I lack, God’s got my back, I'm covered by his love.
I'll celebrate my talents working hard at what I do.
I'm doing fine with my design my limitations too.
I don't do super exploits. Sometimes I wish I could,
but I accept me as I am. I've had enough of should.
Transformation Application: Write your list and complete the forgiveness exercise discussed in the podcast. If you need more guidance on this topic or want to dive deeper, go buy Steve's book “Free to be Me” :)
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Transformation Tip: Everywhere you go, there you are.
How do I know I have inner conflict?
- Lacking motivation
- Can’t stop thinking about it
- Self-doubt
- Short temper
What causes inner conflict?
- Offense
- Anger
- Rejection
- Failure
- Disappointment
Questions to help you identify the cause of your inner conflict:
- When did these feelings start?
- Are you seeing any repeated patterns?
- What was the message about yourself that was being sent to you?
Transformation Application: Take your situation and see if you can identify the source of conflict. What did that situation speak to your value and your security?
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Greg Wallace joins the show to talk about resolving cultural conflicts and diffusing stereotypes. Greg has been a labor and employment lawyer, an executive at a Fortune 500 company, a ministry leader, a consultant to non-profits, an author, an adjunct professor, and an academic dean. He’s now president of The Wallace Group, a firm focused on developing leaders and aligning their organizations.
Transformation Tip: “Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.” – Stephen Covey
Transformation Application: Take time to greet someone who you normally don't. (Example: cashier, neighbor, someone at work, etc.)
Get in touch with Greg!
The Wallace Group: thewallacegroup.org
Email: info@thewallacegroup.org
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Transformation Tip:Action begets clarity
Ask yourself these questions to help you start moving forward:
- What do I need to let go of?
- What do I want to see happen? Envision it!
- What do I need to accomplish this goal?
- Work out a simple plan
It doesn’t always have to be a leap. Focus on a single step forward!
4 practical questions to journal:
- What are you doing that you need to stop doing?
- What needs to be eliminated
- What goals can you give up on
- What do you need to keep?
- A good routine
- Something that is serving you well
- Where are you finding joy and thriving?
- What do I need to adjust?
- Doesn’t need to be cut out but needs to be tweaked
- What do I need to add?
- What will help me reach these goals?
Transformation Application: Commit to giving yourself time to disconnect. Map out the changes you want to see (the question prompts that were given above). Go try it out!
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Learning to weed out bad habits and exchanging them for good habits can bring incredible transformation to your life. This episode will equip you with practical tools to develop good habit creation patterns and tackle the ones that are bringing you down.
Transformation Tip: “There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.” - Zig Ziglar
Creating good habits:
- Obvious and tangible; something within reach
- Small steps, don’t leap
- The more shortcuts you take the longer it takes
- Victory and maturity happen in the journey
What activates the habit? Learn to manage your triggers.
You can make a trigger work for you by associating it with something that already occurs, then replacing the bad habit with a good one.
We are bound to stumble during our habit-breaking process. Just because you slip up doesn’t put you back to zero.
Practical steps for breaking bad habits:
- Make a plan
- Only try to tackle one habit at a time
- Add some accountability
- What will you do if you relapse? (plan for it!)
Transformation application: Stress can be directly related to bad habits. What are the things causing you stress right now? What can you do to deal with that stress and put yourself in a position to replace bad habits with good ones? Remember, you are more powerful than you think.
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Why do we often find it much easier to extend grace to our loved ones than to ourselves? Unfortunately, many of us condemn ourselves for failures, rather than exercising self-compassion. This episode will teach you practical ways to root out negative self-talk and find grace and compassion for yourself through your mistakes and imperfections.
Transformation Tip: “Talk to yourself like someone you love.” - Brene Brown
Self-compassion results in resilience - it keeps your mental state healthy when dealing with difficult situations
Three components of self-compassion:
- Be kind to yourself
- Common humanity (everyone makes mistakes)
- Mindfulness
Ways to show yourself compassion:
- Root out negative self-talk
- Awareness of negative thought patterns
- When you get 20/20 hindsight - where does it take you?
- Failure = “I just learned something”
- Everyone makes mistakes
- You are human!
- Failure is where you learn (growth mindset)
- Mindfulness
- Embracing where you are
- Excepting your experience just the way it is
- Care for yourself in your present moment
Transformation Application:Think about one negative narrative that often goes through your mind. Imagine what you normally tell yourself and then change that statement into a statement that has grace and compassion. Write it down and practice using the new statement.
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Disappointment is a natural part of life. It can also be a powerful force that keeps us stuck or paralyzed. In this episode, learn to deal with your disappointment in a healthy way so you can move forward and come out on the other side better than before.
Transformation Tip: You can’t be disillusioned unless you were believing an illusion to begin with.
Dealing with disappointment does not mean burying it or ignoring it
Time can only heal disappointment if you truly face it and deal with it
Ways to deal with disappointment:
- Let it out
- Don't contain it - you need to feel it
- Find a therapist or a trusted friend to vent to
- Journal about it
- Gain perspective
- Find a trusted outside perspective
- Were your expectations too high?
- Separate your desire from the object of your desire
- Recenter yourself
- Don’t let disappointment define you - let it refine you
- Remind yourself who you are
- Live in the present
- Disappointments of the past do not have to define who you are in the present
- Allow disappointments to become learning experiences (growth mindset)
- Allow yourself the ability to start over
Transformation Application: If you’re holding on to a disappointment, find time to let it out or gain a new perspective by talking to someone.
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Can you think of a moment that you wish you could go back to and respond differently? Learning how to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally is key to developing your emotional intelligence. This episode gives you practical tools to better manage your emotions moving forward.
Transformation Tip: “Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.” - Abby Stumbal
How to manage your emotions:
- Count to 10 - make a better word choice
- Sleep on it - allow yourself to reset
- Burn off the adrenaline - exercise
- Be quick to let it go - the longer you hold on the more it will affect you
- Be humble - take ownership of the part you played in the situation. Humility always disarms conflict.
- Pay attention to your self-talk - avoid using words like always and never
- Get it out of your head - write it out or talk it out (with safe people)
- Ask someone to help you with performance coaching
- Maintain good sleep hygiene - when you’re rested your ability to respond vs. react is much better.
Transformation Application: Pick one of the tips we gave you and use it this week. The easiest one to try is counting to 10 - give it a shot!
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Old mindsets can keep us stagnant and stressed. In this episode, Steve and Pete discuss four ways to evolve old mindsets to bring maturity, growth, and success to your current endeavors.
Transformation Tip: “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change” - Albert Einstein
Staying stuck in old mindsets will stunt your growth
We tend to be unwilling to change because we know we have to put work into it
If we look at our past as a launching pad it can be less intimidating because we are not starting over, but continuing the journey into something new
Ways to evolve your old mindsets:
- End it
- Upgrade it
- Scale it
- Pivot
Transformation Application: Take a look at your life - is there something you have been doing or thinking that simply is not working for you anymore? Look at the four options we went over and try one!
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We all have weaknesses and limitations. Learning to embrace them helps us to focus on our strengths and improve our emotional intelligence and growth trajectory. This episode reminds you that you don’t have to be good at everything, but simply be the best version of yourself.
Transformation Tip: To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; and to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength - Criss Jami
What will happen if you don't embrace your limitations?
- Tendency to see your limitations as a source of shame
- You feel like you have to perform your way out of them
- You will not love yourself for who you are you will become way too self-reliant
If you don’t embrace your limitations, you limit the people around you
Options on how to handle your limitations
- Don’t do it
- Try harder
- Borrow someone else’s strength
- Leverage one of your strengths to supplement your weakness
Transformation Application: Identify one limitation that you have, and embrace it. Tell yourself that it's okay to have that limitation. For extra credit - go tell someone else!
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Each of us is designed with a unique purpose and talents. When we are not working within our design we can get frustrated and burnt out. Oftentimes, this is caused by simply being unaware of our strengths and weaknesses. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you identify the areas where you thrive as well as potential blind spots that may be holding you back. It’s time to align with your design!
Transformation Tip: “Don’t compromise yourself - you’re all you have” - John Grisham
How to Align With Your Design:
- Ask people who know you - We are our own worst counselors. When we allow people we trust to speak about our strengths and blindspots it brings clarity to our purpose.
- Ask your history - Reflect on past accomplishments. What was a time when you felt completely alive and in your zone? What were you doing? What was the setting? What was the verb/action?
- Ask science - Use an online tool such as StrengthsFinder, Myers Briggs, Hermann Brain Institute, etc. to learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, and unique design.
- Ask your faith - How was I designed? What is my purpose? Who was I created to be?
Transformation Application: Ask people you know to identify blindspots in your life. Go to https://www.petecoaching.com/blindspot for a guided tool to help you apply this exercise.
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Self-awareness should not be viewed as selfish or self-centeredness. Self-awareness helps you bring out the best version of yourself. Taking the time to reflect and grow in our areas of weakness allows us to improve our relationships, our confidence, and our lives!
Transformation Tip: Know Thyself.
Self-awareness is NOT:
- Self-centeredness
- Selfish
- About focusing on your flaws, but the greatness that you carry
Benefits of self-awareness:
- Improves your relationships
- Improves your confidence
- Allows you to become a better person
- Enables you to be who you are!
Clues that you need to become more self-aware
- Blaming
- Victim mentality
- Space invaders
- People are unaware of your boundaries
- Attention seeking
- If you feel rejected you try extra hard to be excepted
- Interrupting
Transformation Application: Rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Next, find someone who is close to you and ask them to rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Is there a difference? If there is, it’s time to do some deep reflection.
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Many people find themselves stuck in difficult situations because of their need to please everyone around them. People-pleasing can be exhausting and overwhelming. This episode will help you identify the causes and effects of this habit and teach you how to establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
Transformation Tip: “I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone” - Ed Sheeran
Symptoms of people-pleasing:
- You find it really hard to say no
- You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness
- You feel governed by guilt
- You feel a sense of over responsibility
- You avoid relational conflict
Negative effects of people-pleasing:
- Every time you people please you lose a sense of your personal boundaries
- People begin to assume that you can do and will do anything
- You become spread too thin and then you cannot do things to the best of your ability which causes people to become upset with you
- Manipulative and abusive people will be drawn to and take advantage of you
Causes of people-pleasing:
- The need for validation causes you to chase opportunities to please people
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of being incapable (needing to prove you can do something)
How to overcome people-pleasing:
- Recognize your triggers
- Start saying no
- No is a complete sentence
- You will face resistance
- Be ready to stand your ground
Transformation Application: Say ‘no’ to something this week.
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A big key to becoming more self-aware is identifying blindspots. Blindspots are aspects of ourselves that we have not been aware of or not fully known. In this episode learn practical ways to discover both your positive and negative blindspots to help you develop your EQ and put the best version of yourself forward.
Transformation Tip: How do you know when you’ve been deceived? You don’t.
How to discover your blind spots:
- Ask people for feedback - you cannot see your own blindspots so ask someone who can!
- Use assessments - are there disparities in the results and what you believe to be true about yourself? Are you upset by the results? Maybe this is revealing something you didn’t know about yourself.
- Consider your strengths - our blindspots can be found in the shadows of our biggest strengths. We can become too comfortable with our strengths and come across in a negative way or we can overuse our strengths.
Transformation Application: Take some time to reflect on potential blind spots. Think back to a situation that didn’t go well for you. What was happening? How did you behave? What feelings did you have?
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Once you've identified patterns of rejection in your life, it's important to know what to do next! In this episode, Steve and Pete give practical tips on how to overcome rejection and move into a place of acceptance and freedom.
Transformation Tip: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -- Charles R. Swindoll
Breaking out of the rejection cycle is crucial for moving into acceptance.
Three C's for breaking rejection:
- Conviction to make the change
- Courage to make the change
- Consist in making the change
Transformation Tip: Make the three lists that Steve highlighted in the episode, and begin to work on forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and celebrating who you are!
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Transformation Tip: "In life, I have met two types of people: the rejected and the super rejected." -- Derek Prince
Rejection is painful.
Rejection is when you feel devalued and begin to doubt your worth. You are the one who gets to choose whether you agree with the rejection or reject it.
Three types of rejection:
- self-rejection
- self-protection
- rejecting others
Fear of rejection leads to self-protection which leads to more rejection.
Transformation Application: Recognize and observe where rejection might be rooted in your life. If you can, see which category it fits in: self-rejection, self-protection, or rejecting others. Remember to be kind to yourself!
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Do you find yourself constantly looking for external validation and approval? This episode is for you. Learning to approve of yourself (flaws and all!) is key to being able to live in a place of freedom and bring the best out of those around you.
Transformation Tip: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval - Mark Twain
If you keep finding yourself in the approval trap, it is an indication that you are having a problem fully loving and accepting yourself.
Examples of the approval trap:
- Name Dropping
- Fishing for compliments
Transformation Application: Answer these 3 questions.
1) Do you approve of yourself?
2) Why or why not?
3) If you don't, what will it take until you do?
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Transformation Tip: "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain
A healthy identity is essential to fulfilling purpose, finding peace, and developing healthy relationships.
If you don't know your value, you will spend your life trying to find it.
Knowing who you are and loving who you are is essential for peace and security in your identity. Are you living from identity or for identity?
Transformation Application: Go get the book!
Purchase The Free To Be Me Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C6P2S84Y/ref=nodl_?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_MQ2354040DH5GMDYZWNX&dplnkId=d72b60e8-7e4d-45eb-8e7d-66407c5c8f84
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HollyKem Sunseri joins the show to talk about how to identify your inner voices to find your true self.
Transformation Talk: “Don't believe everything you hear - even in your own mind.”
— Daniel AmenWe all have three inner voices:
- wounded self
- protective self
- true self
When you are feeling anxious or if you impulsively negatively react to something, ask yourself: which voice was that? Dig a little deeper to see if there is a wound there or if your actions were triggered by your protective voice.
Transformation Application: The next time you feel anxious this week, try and identify which voice is speaking and then try to hear what your true self is saying.
Get connected with HollyKem!
https://www.ihaveavoice.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@IHaveAVoice1212 A Roadmap to the Soul: A Practical Guide to Love, Compassion and Inner Peace: https://www.amazon.com/Roadmap-Soul-Practical-Guide-Compassion-ebook/dp/B01MTFLG3H/ref=sr_1_2Connect On Social:
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In part 2 of our series on addictive behaviors, Steve and Pete provide a practical process for getting to the root of addictive behaviors and how to overcome them.
Transformation Tip: “Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life.”
Addictive Behaviors are most commonly triggered when you are:
- lonely
- wounded
- overwhelmed
Transformation Application:Start noticing your triggers and begin logging them.
Most people associate the word addiction with an extreme such as substance abuse, but the reality is, most of us have addictive behaviors that we operate in often. In this episode, Steve and Pete start a new series on resolving inner conflicts to unpack the root cause of addiction and how to begin the process of stopping it.
Transformation Tip: "Breaking addiction unlocks the power to create a brighter future."
Shame and guilt are often underlying keys to identifying causes of addiction
Addictive behavior is used to comfort, escape, or reward
Transformation Application: Identify the trigger that is causing you to comfort, escape, or reward.
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Transformation Tip: “Being a mentor means inspiring others to discover their own wisdom, not just imparting yours.”
We make an assumption that talent is enough. People need development.
Key qualities of the type of person you should invest in or develop:
- Hungry
- Humble
- Transparent/vulnerable
- Teachable
- Do they want to learn
- Willing to change/flexible
You can't want someone to change more than they want to change. Every great mentoring relationship is a partnership. If it is one way, it will not work.
Transformation Application: Think about the people in your life who you are responsible for developing. If someone is not reaching their full potential, ask yourself: Have I taken the time to actually develop them?
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Transformation Tip: “Behind every successful person, there is a mentor who believed in them before they believed in themselves.”
- What does a good mentor look like?
- Good listener
- Not judgmental
- Brings clarity
- You feel connected to them
- Helps you find a pathway to success
A mentor is not responsible for your growth. You are responsible for applying the wisdom that your mentor provides.
- Respect your mentor
- Value their time
- Show gratitude
Transformation Application: If you don't have a mentor, make a list of 3 people who you might like to mentor you and then approach them. If you have a mentor, think of a way that you can show them appreciation this week.
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Transformation Tip: “Efficiency is doing things right, effectiveness is doing the right things.” - Peter Drucker
Efficient - achieving maximum productivity with minimum waste of effort and expense
- Management focused
Effective - being successful in producing a desired result
- Leadership focused
With efficiency and effectiveness, one is not better than the other, it is knowing when to use each one.
- Efficient - take your ideas and assert them
- Get your team on board with your idea by forcing it
- Effective - collaborate
- Slow down so everyone is on board
- You need other people to round out your ideas
Transformation Application: Ask yourself “What tasks could I allow others to do that I have been doing myself? Put it into action and teach others how to do those tasks!
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John F Kennedy once said 'Leadership and learning are indispensable to one another.' In this episode, Steve continues his conversation with Chuck Proudfit on key developmental areas within every leader.
Transformation Tip: Leadership and learning are indispensable to one another - John F KennedyLions Lead Competencies Continued
- Leadership essentials
- Leadership presence
- Purpose directed
- Boldness
- Perseverance
- Transparency
- Getting things done
- Strategic
- Creativity
- Achievement
- Organized
- Applying judgment
- Leading other people
- Ability to be a gameplayer
- Building trust
- Attentiveness
- Building relationships
- Empowers others
- Composure
- Reasoning
- Analytical thinking
- Vigilance
- Resilience
- Tension
Lions Lead is a powerful tool for developing leaders. If you're interested in taking the LionsLead assessment, email Chuck Proudfit: ***chuck.proudfit@insightoutcorp.com
References:***
https://skillsource.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
https://www.lionslead.com/
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Leaders are made not born. Some of us may be better leaders than others, but all of us have the capacity to lead. Even if we are only leading our own lives or family members, our ability to learn and grow in our leadership gifting is extremely impactful to the people we are responsible for.
References:
https://skillsource.com/
https://www.lionslead.com/
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When you live for significance rather than success you will begin to make a greater impact on the environments around you. The shift comes from focusing on who you are rather than what you do.
Transformation Tip: “Great leaders don't just focus on getting results, they focus on getting great people who get results. When you invest in people they will invest in your vision.” - Simon Sinek
Building blocks of leadership continued:
Block 3: Production
- Focus on results
- If you want people to be productive you have to lead by example
- Downfalls:
- Not giving clear expectations
- Need to monitor these goals
Block 4: People Development
- Pouring into people to help them grow
- How can you impact the lives of the people that you are leading?
- Prepare and equip them to make it on their own
Block 5: Pinnacle
- Highest level of leadership
- You are an example to other leaders
- Live for significance, not success
- This process is a journey (usually a lifetime!)N
Transformation Application: Envision yourself as a stage 5 leader at the pinnacle of your life’s influence, what does that look like? Who are you influencing? What kind of legacy do you want to lead? What do you want to be known for? Then, ask yourself: what adjustment do you need to start makingnow that will help you get there?
References:
5 Levels of Leadership - John Maxwell
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Transformation Tip: “Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flow charts. It is about one life influencing another.” - John Maxwell
Leadership is needed in every aspect of life
Leadership is a progression and requires the right foundation
The foundational building blocks of leadership:
- Block 1: Position
- Having the right to lead
- Authority comes from position
- Focus: maintain control and enforce rules
- Great leaders do not have to use their position to get things done
- You cannot tolerate toxic behavior
- Using position should be the last resort, not the first
- Block 2: Permission
- Using relationships to build trust (don’t fall into people pleasing)
- Creating a positive environment where people want to listen to you
- Thanking, and showing appreciation to team members
- You need to have position before you have permission
- “Not everyone is going to like you, but you do need to be likable”
Transformation Application:
- Reflect on situations where you have not set the right boundaries, think about how you can establish them through your connection.
- Go back to our previous podcasts on boundaries and people-pleasing to give you insight on this topic!
References:
5 Levels of Leadership - John Maxwell
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Motivation is not the same as inspiration. It's important to learn what motivates us so that when inspiration leaves we can keep moving forward. In this episode, Steve and Pete share 5 different types of motivators to help you ignite self-motivation in your life.
Transformation Tip: “If you can dream it, you can do it.” - Walt Disney
Motivation is not the same as inspiration.
What will sustain you when inspiration leaves?
You are responsible for your own motivation.
Different Types of Motives
- Rewards
- Freedom/Agency
- Meaningful Relationships
- Learning and Growing
- Being In your lane
Transformation Application: Make a list of things you enjoy that you can use as rewards to motivate you. Make a list of people you would like to connect with that can stimulate growth or motivation in you.
Before you can manage others, you must learn how to manage yourself. This episode provides practical tips for living with daily intentionality, getting organized, and finding balance so you can direct your life rather than letting life direct you.
Transformation Tip: “There is no such thing as time management, only self-management.” - Rory Vaden
Practicing Self-Management
- Be intentional and direct your life rather than letting life dictate you
- Tips on intentionality
- Goal setting
- What are you going after?
- “Start with the end in mind”
- Plan on how to reach your goal
- Start the day right
- Take a moment to be still and breathe
- See what you want to accomplish on that day
- Create margins or breaks in between tasks during the day
- Start the day right
- Getting organized
- Free up space in your day
- Write things down!
- Take care of your health
- Physical
- Mental
- Goal setting
Transformation Application: This week start each day by giving yourself 10 minutes to be still and envision what you want to accomplish.
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Many people are overly focused on external leadership, but fail to realize the importance of self-leadership as a means to becoming a better leader to others. In this episode, Steve and Pete give practical tips for creating healthy self-awareness and developing the leader within each us.
Transformation Tip: “Everything rises and falls on leadership” - John C. Maxwell
As soon as you notice something off, try to process it right when it happens
- You can never bury your problems dead, they will always resurrect
Taking care and paying attention to yourself is important!
Stop and take stock of where you are.
- Establish rhythms where you reflect on what happened in your week
- Listen to those around you
Learn to articulate what you are feeling when an issue arise within you.
- Ask yourself: “What or who is causing this situation?”
- Ask yourself: “Why is it impacting me?”
- Ask yourself: “How have I been handling this?”
- Ask yourself: “What character traits need to be developed?”
Transformation Application: Start a journal. Try for 3x a week. Review your day and start developing self awareness for yourself.
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Your story is powerful! When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and share the challenges and victories you have experienced, it can give inspiration and hope to others going through similar situations. In this episode, learn how to use your story to impact others for good.
Transformation Tip: “Your heartache is someone else's hope. If you make it through, somebody else is going to make it through. Tell your story.” -- Kim McManus
Gaining perspective on our past helps us to move confidently into our future
Transformation Application: Find someone and ask them to share their story. Ask them about their background or what their childhood was like. Focus on listening and understanding.
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Your story can help you grow and mature if you choose to let it! When you look back on the journey of your life, it can reveal strengths, weaknesses, identity, and purpose. In this episode, Steve interviews Pete on his journey to becoming an executive coach and shares tips for analyzing your own story to find where you thrive.
Transformation Tip: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” - Maya Angelou
Our stories mature us (if we let them)
When you reflect on your story you can determine strengths, weaknesses, identity shaping moments, and purpose.
Your story gives you clues to where you will find joy and thrive in life.
Transformation Application: Map out your life and focus on significant/pivotal moments. What are your strengths? What are your weakenesses? What opportunities can come from the challenges you have endured?
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Sometimes all you need is a little momentum. In this episode, Steve and Pete discuss procrastination instigators such as overwhelm and perfectionism and share more practical tips on how to get over the hump and get activated!
Transformation Tip: mile by mile, life is a trial. Inch by inch life is a cinch.
Breaking projects down from macro to micro can help you to complete them instead of being overwhelmed
When there is too much on your plate you lose the ability to prioritize and make effective and efficient decisions
- If you have a task and you’re procrastinating, break that task down
Perfectionism can trigger procrastination
- Something not quite perfect is better than nothing perfect
Catastrophizing
Say out loud the worst possible outcome and hear how ridiculous it sounds. Then get moving!
Procrastination tips for projects or tasks you don’t enjoy:
- Cluster unpleasant class
- Pick a time to do all of your least favorite tasks and get them all done at once
- Do the hardest thing first
- Get it out of the way
- Delegate
- Get a virtual assistant
- Use employees to help
- Collaborating
- Work together
- Work in the same environment as someone for accountability
- Just don't do it
- Sometimes it makes sense to give it up (Not always!)
Transformation Application: Take the three lines concept discussed in the episode and apply it to a task or project in your life. Set dates for when you want to start the task, finish the task, and a progress deadline in between to help you through it.
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Let's be honest, sometimes procrastinating feels good! At the moment, pushing something off until later is a great feeling, but the feeling that comes later is often one of stress and anxiety. In this episode, Steve and Pete talk about the underlying causes of procrastination and practical solutions to apply in your life.
Transformation Tip:A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
Procrastination becomes nature and a force of habit
Causes of procrastination
- Fear of failure
- Low self-esteem
- Immediate gratification
- Distraction
Instead of looking at what you want to change, look at who you want to be
Transformation Application: If the fear of failure is pushing you into procrastination, look at the fear and think about the benefits of facing it and how it might impact you in a positive way.
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Old mindsets can keep us stagnant and stressed. In this episode, Steve and Pete discuss four ways to evolve old mindsets to bring maturity, growth, and success to your current endeavors.
Transformation Tip: “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change” - Albert Einstein
Staying stuck in old mindsets will stunt your growth
We tend to be unwilling to change because we know we have to put work into it
If we look at our past as a launching pad it can be less intimidating because we are not starting over, but continuing the journey into something new
Ways to evolve your old mindsets:
- End it
- Upgrade it
- Scale it
- Pivot
Transformation Application: Take a look at your life - is there something you have been doing or thinking that simply is not working for you anymore? Look at the four options we went over and try one!
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It’s the season of giving! If you take a minute to stop and look around, you will see many opportunities to be generous and meet the needs of those around you. In the final episode of season 2, Steve and Pete provide tips and encouragement for looking outside of yourself and being a blessing this holiday season.
Transformation Tip:“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” - Pablo Picasso
Engagement steps:
- Blessing
- If you know your value, you add value.
- By feeding into others’ needs, your needs ultimately get met.
- Connection
- Must build trust
- The key to building trust is being authentic
- How can I be there for others?
- Meeting someone's felt needs
- Their felt need is from their perspective
- If you don't meet the need in short term then you won't be able to meet the long-term needs
Different types of needs:
- Relational
- Motivational
- Material
- Spiritual
Transformation Application: Go meet a felt need
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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Conflict in today's culture leads to polarization, hatred, and hurt. Learning how to navigate conflict instead of running from it will help you to grow and improve your relational, intellectual, and emotional depth. In this episode learn practical tips to help you work through issues of conflict in your own life.
Transformation Tip:“An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind” - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Learn how to navigate conflict instead of running from it. How do we grow through issues of conflict?
What you miss out on when you don't deal with conflict:
- Relational depth
- Intellectual depth
- Emotional Depth
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Rather than judge and accuse someone, start by asking for clarity and context:
- “Am I hearing you correctly when you say..”
- “This is how I experienced what you said..”
Transformation application: Is there someone you are avoiding? Apply some tips from this episode and try and confront them. In the future try to do this early and often!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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Receiving feedback is not something most people enjoy, but it is a necessary skill to learn. Embracing feedback can help you grow and develop into the best version of yourself. This episode provides practical tips to help you receive feedback in a mature and positive way.
Transformation Tip: “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body and it calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” - Winston Churchill
Receiving feedback Principles:
- This isn’t easy - we are sensitive
- Remember the concept of blind spots
- Need to have a growth mindset
- Look at criticism as a teaching moment that will ultimately help you upgrade yourself
- Allow yourself to come out of your comfort zone
- Always remember that the person giving you this feedback usually has your best interest at heart
Tips for receiving feedback
- Thank the person who is giving your feedback
- Don't be afraid to ask for clarification or an example
- Respond, don’t react
- Even if you disagree, work to find a way to filter out the truth
- Ask that person for practical ways that you can address the feedback they have given you
Transformation application: On a scale of 1-10 how well do you embrace feedback? If you rate yourself at 6 or lower, ask yourself why you find it hard to receive feedback.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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Feedback is an extremely important relational tool. Developing the skill of giving healthy feedback can help you to build trust and respect with the people around you. This episode provides practical feedback tips that you can use in your workplace, at home, or in any environment!
Transformation tip: “Candor is the key to collaborating effectively. Lack of candor leads to a dysfunctional environment.” - Edwin Catmull
Giving healthy feedback:
- Be kind - candor with kindness
- Check your motive
- Sandwich method
- Bread - start with a positive comment/compliment
- Middle - give the constructive criticism feedback
- Bread - finish with another positive comment
- Constructive criticism is not constructive if it is only negative
- When you’re giving feedback just get it out there - be clear, be specific, be brief
- Consider the person you’re addressing - do they receive feedback well?
- Consider timing and setting
3 traits that are prone to be received as extra critical
- If you are an analytical person and need concrete proof
- Natural problem solver
- Command
Transformation Application: Check yourself before giving feedback - are you trying to help? Or just venting?
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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The world is full of so many incredible, unique, and beautiful cultures. Our ability to learn, connect and appreciate each one and their differences will help us to gain fresh perspectives on people and the world around us.
Transformation Tip: “Strengths lie in differences, not in similarities.” - Stephen Covey
Being culturally aware doesn’t mean we have to agree with everyone, but we need to be open and accepting of all people and our differences
Tips for cultural awareness
- Think beyond race and ethnicity
- Who are they on the inside?
- Ask open-ended questions with respect in order to educate yourself
- Don't assume you know everything when coming into a culture
- Manners matter
- Take time to exchange stories
- Remember every human being wants to be valued and seen
- Make honor and respect your culture
Transformation Application:In the next weeks find someone from a different culture than you and ask them how they celebrate the holidays!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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There is a big difference between listening and hearing. Learning how to be fully present in conversations will strengthen your connections and relationships. One of the best ways to show honor and respect to another person is to truly listen to what they are saying. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you become a better listener.
Transformation Tip: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen Covey
There is a big difference between listening and hearing.
Ways to focus on listening:
- Put your phone away!
- Be fully present
- Let people finish their sentences before jumping in with your thoughts
- Pay attention to the other person’s body language
- Empathize
- Give encouraging verbal cues
- Clarify and paraphrase what you’ve heard
- Ask good questions
People become much more open to hearing what you have to say when they know that you have listened to what they have to say
Transformation Application:PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! Be fully present when listening to people.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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In this special Transformation Talk episode, Pete talks with Craig Muster, an essential life coach, and business consultant, about how sharing unfiltered and honest stories can create deep and meaningful connections and relationships.
Transformation Tip: 'Where there is perfection there is no story to tell.' — Ben Okri
Learn to listen to other people's stories and pay attention to how you tell your own stories.
When we tell our stories with filters and perfectionism, we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and we keep ourselves from truly connecting with others.
When you try and "appear" a certain way, you cannot truly connect with people's hearts.
When you hear someone else's story it gives you permission to think differently about your own story.
Performance will never give you what connection can. Connection satisfies your soul.
Transformation Application: Have two courageous conversations this week. In a discussion, ask a question, and then simply listen (not just hear). Listen to the heart, not just the facts.
Connect with Craig:
www.craigmuster.com
Plunder Darkness Book
Are you socially aware? A key element of emotional intelligence is social awareness. In this episode, learn practical tools to help you become a better listener, express empathy, and read body language in social settings.
Transformation Tip: “You can observe a lot by just watching.”
Tools of social awareness:
- Good listening
- Truly understand the person you’re listening to
- Switch your attention to listening not just responding
- It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them
- Listen with your eyes
- Everyone has a backstory
- Everyone is dealing with struggles
- Don’t be so quick to judge the present without understanding the past
- FORM (exercise to get to know someone)
- F - Family
- O - occupation
- R - recreation
- M - message
- Empathy
- Body language
- Expresses more than words do
- Pay attention to body language
- Learn to read the room
Transformation Application: In your conversations this week, work on eye contact and staying engaged with people.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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In this episode, Steve shares a personal story of a difficult situation he recently walked through and how he applied the principles from the podcast on emotional management to bring out a better outcome.
Transformation Tip: “Persistence and resilience only come from having been given a chance to work through difficult problems.” – Gever Tulley.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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Why do we often find it much easier to extend grace to our loved ones than to ourselves? Unfortunately, many of us condemn ourselves for failures, rather than exercising self-compassion. This episode will teach you practical ways to root out negative self-talk and find grace and compassion for yourself through your mistakes and imperfections.
Transformation Tip: “Talk to yourself like someone you love.” - Brene Brown
Self-compassion results in resilience - it keeps your mental state healthy when dealing with difficult situations
Three components of self-compassion:
- Be kind to yourself
- Common humanity (everyone makes mistakes)
- Mindfulness
Ways to show yourself compassion:
- Root out negative self-talk
- Awareness of negative thought patterns
- When you get 20/20 hindsight - where does it take you?
- Failure = “I just learned something”
- Everyone makes mistakes
- You are human!
- Failure is where you learn (growth mindset)
- Mindfulness
- Embracing where you are
- Excepting your experience just the way it is
- Care for yourself in your present moment
Transformation Application:Think about one negative narrative that often goes through your mind. Imagine what you normally tell yourself and then change that statement into a statement that has grace and compassion. Write it down and practice using the new statement.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
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Everyone has had a situation in their life when they have felt like a victim. Unfortunately, many of us allow those situations to affect our lives negatively by skewing the way we view people and the world around us. This episode will help take you from victim to victor by teaching you how to overcome self-pity and entitlement.
Transformation Tip: “You can’t expect to be a “victor” if your living with a “victim” mentality.” - Billy Cox
A victim mentality causes us to view things with a negative lens that sabotages our reality
External locus of control vs. Internal locus of control
- External locus of control - belief that one’s life is controlled by a force outside of oneself (fate, luck, mercy of other people)
- Internal locus of control - belief that each person is responsible for their own happiness and how they handle situations
Victim mentality = external locus of control
You are responsible for how you handle your thoughts and emotions
Own your emotions. Take responsibility for your feelings and how you react to them
How to recognize victim mentality
- Self-pity
- Entitlement
How to move from victim to victor
- Self-awareness
- Refuse to think of yourself as a victim
- Own your emotions
- Work on the way you think
Transformation application: Think of a time when you felt like a victim. Think about the mindset that came as a result of that event. Write it down and then ask yourself if those thoughts are helping you or undermining you. Rip it up and choose to let it go.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
The first 15 minutes of each day can make or break it. This episode teaches you practical ways to take back your morning by learning how to prioritize and live with intentionality.
Transformation Tip: “The first hour of the morning is the rudder of the day.” - Henry Ward Beecher
Your starting point is your finishing point
Try not to pick up your phone first thing in the morning
Be intentional about the first 15 minutes of your day - control your life instead of letting it control you.
Get yourself set first and THEN frame your day
Transformation Application: Practice the breathing exercise mentioned in the episode. Make a list of what you are grateful for each morning this week.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Can you think of a moment that you wish you could go back to and respond differently? Learning how to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally is key to developing your emotional intelligence. This episode gives you practical tools to better manage your emotions moving forward.
Transformation Tip: “Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.” - Abby Stumbal
How to manage your emotions:
- Count to 10 - make a better word choice
- Sleep on it - allow yourself to reset
- Burn off the adrenaline - exercise
- Be quick to let it go - the longer you hold on the more it will affect you
- Be humble - take ownership of the part you played in the situation. Humility always disarms conflict.
- Pay attention to your self-talk - avoid using words like always and never
- Get it out of your head - write it out or talk it out (with safe people)
- Ask someone to help you with performance coaching
- Maintain good sleep hygiene - when you’re rested your ability to respond vs. react is much better.
Transformation Application: Pick one of the tips we gave you and use it this week. The easiest one to try is counting to 10 - give it a shot!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Emotional awareness is something that many of us lack. Our ability to be aware of our emotions is imperative for learning how to manage them in a healthy way. In this episode, we provide practical tools to add more emotional awareness to your life.
Transformation Tip: “If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people.” - Daniel Goleman
Being in touch with your emotions does not mean you’re weak.
How to become more emotionally aware:
- Name it. Identifying your emotions has a powerful effect on your ability to manage them.
- Don’t pass judgment. Your emotions are not good or bad - they are just emotions.
- Notice how your emotions affect you physically.
- Know who and what triggers you. What is being devalued that you value? Trauma from your past?
- Be aware of your moods. Moods are transient.
Transformation Application: This week when you are experiencing a strong emotion, write it down, and describe how you feel physically.
Coaching Resources:
Wheel of emotions (referenced in episode)
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (referenced in episode)
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
We all have weaknesses and limitations. Learning to embrace them helps us to focus on our strengths and improve our emotional intelligence and growth trajectory. This episode reminds you that you don’t have to be good at everything, but simply be the best version of yourself.
Transformation Tip: To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; and to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength - Criss Jami
Embracing your limitations is okay!
What will happen if you don't embrace your limitations?
- Tendency to see your limitations as a source of shame
- You feel like you have to perform your way out of them
- You will not love yourself for who you are
- You will become way too self-reliant
If you don’t embrace your limitations, you limit the people around you
Options on how to handle your limitations
- Don’t do it
- Try harder
- Borrow someone else’s strength
- Leverage one of your strengths to supplement your weakness
Transformation Application: Identify one limitation that you have, and embrace it. Tell yourself that it's okay to have that limitation. For extra credit - go tell someone else!
Coaching Resources:Self Perception Graphic(discussed in episode)
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
A big key to becoming more self-aware is identifying blindspots. Blindspots are aspects of ourselves that we have not been aware of or not fully known. In this episode learn practical ways to discover both your positive and negative blindspots to help you develop your EQ and put the best version of yourself forward.
Transformation Tip: How do you know when you’ve been deceived? You don’t.
How to discover your blind spots:
- Ask people for feedback - you cannot see your own blindspots so ask someone who can!
- Use assessments - are there disparities in the results and what you believe to be true about yourself? Are you upset by the results? Maybe this is revealing something you didn’t know about yourself.
- Consider your strengths - our blindspots can be found in the shadows of our biggest strengths. We can become too comfortable with our strengths and come across in a negative way or we can overuse our strengths.
Transformation Application: Take some time to reflect on potential blind spots. Think back to a situation that didn’t go well for you. What was happening? How did you behave? What feelings did you have?
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Each of us is designed with a unique purpose and talents. When we are not working within our design we can get frustrated and burnt out. Oftentimes, this is caused by simply being unaware of our strengths and weaknesses. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you identify the areas where you thrive as well as potential blind spots that may be holding you back. It’s time to align with your design!
Transformation Tip: “Don’t compromise yourself - you’re all you have” - John Grisham
How to Align With Your Design:
- Ask people who know you - We are our own worst counselors. When we allow people we trust to speak about our strengths and blindspots it brings clarity to our purpose.
- Ask your history - Reflect on past accomplishments. What was a time when you felt completely alive and in your zone? What were you doing? What was the setting? What was the verb/action?
- Ask science - Use an online tool such as StrengthsFinder, Myers Briggs, Hermann Brain Institute, etc. to learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, and unique design.
- Ask your faith - How was I designed? What is my purpose? Who was I created to be?
Transformation Application: Ask people you know to identify blindspots in your life. Go to https://www.petecoaching.com/blindspot for a guided tool to help you apply this exercise.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Self-awareness should not be viewed as selfish or self-centeredness. Self-awareness helps you bring out the best version of yourself. Taking the time to reflect and grow in our areas of weakness allows us to improve our relationships, our confidence, and our lives!
Transformation Tip: Know Thyself.
Self-awareness is NOT:
- Self-centeredness
- Selfish
- About focusing on your flaws, but the greatness that you carry
Benefits of self-awareness:
- Improves your relationships
- Improves your confidence
- Allows you to become a better person
- Enables you to be who you are!
Clues that you need to become more self-aware
- Blaming
- Victim mentality
- Space invaders
- People are unaware of your boundaries
- Attention seeking
- If you feel rejected you try extra hard to be excepted
- Interrupting
Transformation Application: Rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Next, find someone who is close to you and ask them to rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Is there a difference? If there is, it’s time to do some deep reflection.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
How do you know when it’s best to quit a relationship? Unfortunately, many people find themselves in codependent relationships that undermine their self-worth, value, and happiness. This episode will give you tools to determine whether you are in a codependent relationship as well as how to decide whether you can work through it with the other person or if it is best to leave.
Transformation Tip: “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.” - Earnest Hemingway
How do you know when it’s best to quit a relationship or when it’s best to adjust?
Codependent relationships are a form of addiction. This is when you are dependent on another person for your value, self-worth, happiness, etc.
How do I know if I’m in a codependent relationship?
- Savior mentality - you feel like you need to save a person from themselves. You take responsibility for things that they need to take responsibility for.
- You want to change who a person is to meet your needs. Manipulative and controlling.
- You don’t feel like you can take time to work on yourself because a person needs you. Acts of self-care feel selfish - boundaries are violated.
- You find it difficult to explain how you are feeling about the relationship. You feel like you are walking on eggshells and live in fear of saying the wrong thing.
- You feel anxious when you don’t hear from a person. You need to know where they are all the time. Your world feels unstable if you aren’t connected with a person constantly.
- You have trouble being alone without constantly thinking about a person and wondering what they are doing.
- You will cancel any appointments, meetings, or other scheduled things just to be with a person. Making big sacrifices on a regular basis for them.
Self-awareness from both people is the key to adjusting and realigning an unhealthy codependent relationship into a healthy one
Seek outside counsel from someone you trust to speak clarity and truth to you about your relationship. Ask them what they are seeing or what they are concerned about. You must come with an open and teachable heart.
Examine your core value system and see if this relationship is causing you to violate it.
If you set healthy boundaries for yourself within the relationship, how would the other person respond?
Transformation Application: If you see a pattern of codependency in your life, FORGIVE YOURSELF.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Disappointment is a natural part of life. It can also be a powerful force that keeps us stuck or paralyzed. In this episode, learn to deal with your disappointment in a healthy way so you can move forward and come out on the other side better than before.
Transformation Tip: You can’t be disillusioned unless you were believing an illusion to begin with.
Dealing with disappointment does not mean burying it or ignoring it
Time can only heal disappointment if you truly face it and deal with it
Ways to deal with disappointment:
- Let it out
- Don't contain it - you need to feel it
- Find a therapist or a trusted friend to vent to
- Journal about it
- Gain perspective
- Find a trusted outside perspective
- Were your expectations too high?
- Separate your desire from the object of your desire
- Recenter yourself
- Don’t let disappointment define you - let it refine you
- Remind yourself who you are
- Live in the present
- Disappointments of the past do not have to define who you are in the present
- Allow disappointments to become learning experiences (growth mindset)
- Allow yourself the ability to start over
Transformation Application: If you’re holding on to a disappointment, find time to let it out or gain a new perspective by talking to someone.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Motivation should be your energy to thrive not your ability to survive. A lack of healthy motivation can keep you stuck, bored, and unfulfilled. In this episode, learn the three components you need to help you reignite your motivation today.
Transformation Tip: “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Ryun
Motivation: the energy to act
Three components of motivation: choice, connection, competence
- Choice
- Sense of control over what is happening
- The freedom of choosing
- Agency
- Connection
- Sharing your accomplishments
- Competence
- Feeling yourself grow and excel
- Creates energy that allows you to move forward
When you have all three components working together in a healthy way it produces joy
Transformation Application: Focus on the component of connection - pick something you have accomplished in the past month and go and tell someone about it!
Book Reference:
Mastering Your Motivation | Sarah Fowler
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Trying something new can be intimidating - whether it be a new job, new activity, or new relationship. In this episode, learn the different stages of the learning and growing process so you can go into your next venture with your eyes open and equipped with the right mindsets.
Transformation Tip:Persistent people are able to visualize the light at the end of the tunnel when others can’t see it” - Seth Godin
Four stages of trying/learning something new:
- Unconscious incompetence
- You don't know what you’re doing, but you don't know it
- Mindset: go for it
- Capture the dream
- Conscious incompetence
- You don't know what you’re doing, but you are aware of it
- This is where most people quit
- Remind yourself why you’re doing this venture
- Don't be too hard on yourself
- Mindset: practice & perseverance
- Conscious competence
- You realize you do know what you’re doing!
- Mindset: continue learning but lean into productivity
- Unconscious competence
- You’ve become intuitive at your craft - it becomes so natural to you that you don't even have to think about it
- Mastery
- Mindset: don't let competence become complacency
When to quit:
- If you continue and you are getting limited results and every day you’re exhausted
- If you give it your very best with no results
Transformation Application: Identify what phase you’re in, and what mindset you need to adopt right now.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Feeling stagnant or stuck? Growth and change go hand in hand. The key to helping you find your way forward may be found just outside of your comfort zone. In this episode learn how trying something new or challenging can help you break out of a fixed mindset and into a growth mindset.
Transformation Tip: “Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better.” - Carol Dweck
Neuroplasticity - your brain has the ability to grow and change.
Help yourself get unstuck by trying something new:
- Try something out of your familiar field
- Get out of your comfort zone
- The boundaries of your comfort zone are fear
- Try something challenging
Types of fixed mindsets:
- I want to stick to what I know
- Failure is the limit of my abilities
- My abilities are unchanging
- When I’m frustrated, I give up
- I am jealous of others’ success
- Takes feedback and criticism very personally
Neuroplasticity will get easier and easier as you continue to pursue it
Transformation application:Try something new, challenging or something that scares you this week.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Boundaries are the limits we set with other people. Knowing and honoring our boundaries are signs of healthy self-worth and loving yourself. In this episode learn how to identify the areas where boundaries have been crossed and find practical ways to establish them to bring health and happiness back into your life.
Transformation Tip: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” - Brené Brown
Questions to ask to determine if you need help setting boundaries:
- Do you pride yourself on always going the extra mile?
- Do you overextend yourself?
- Are you exhausted more days than not?
- Do you resent others for being too needy?
- Do you have a hard time saying no?
Boundaries are the limits we set with other people. Knowing and honoring our boundaries is a sign of healthy self-worth and loving yourself.
5 kinds of self-worth:
- Intellectual worth
- Emotional worth
- Physical worth
- Social worth
- Spiritual worth
How to set healthy boundaries:
- Recognize if a boundary has been tested
- Examine a past experience that made you feel uncomfortable, angry, resentful, or frustrated?
- Don't take on more than you can handle
- How many things are you juggling?
- Be clear and assertive
- Did you communicate your boundary or did you just assume that people knew what it was?
- This will take practice
- If people can’t respect your boundaries, learn to walk away
Transformation Application: Get a piece of paper and journal a past experience where you felt uncomfortable, angry, or resentful. Then begin to outline the boundary you feel they crossed.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Many people find themselves stuck in difficult situations because of their need to please everyone around them. People-pleasing can be exhausting and overwhelming. This episode will help you identify the causes and effects of this habit and teach you how to establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
Transformation Tip: “I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone” - Ed Sheeran
Symptoms of people-pleasing:
- You find it really hard to say no
- You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness
- You feel governed by guilt
- You feel a sense of over responsibility
- You avoid relational conflict
Negative effects of people-pleasing:
- Every time you people please you lose a sense of your personal boundaries
- People begin to assume that you can do and will do anything
- You become spread too thin and then you cannot do things to the best of your ability which causes people to become upset with you
- Manipulative and abusive people will be drawn to and take advantage of you
Causes of people-pleasing:
- The need for validation causes you to chase opportunities to please people
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of being incapable (needing to prove you can do something)
How to overcome people-pleasing:
- Recognize your triggers
- Start saying no
- No is a complete sentence
- You will face resistance
- Be ready to stand your ground
Transformation Application: Say ‘no’ to something this week.
When we’re feeling stuck, sometimes all we need is a shift in our mindset or perspective to help us figure out our next step. In this episode, learn practical ways to look at your situation from a different point of view and find a way to move forward.
Transformation Tip: “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”
You can change your past
- The events of your past have no power over you. It’s the story (narrative) about your past that has the power.
- You can’t change the events of your past, but you can change the narrative
Are you trying the same approach over and over again trying to get unstuck? It’s probably time to use a new/different tool.
If you’re stuck you need an action to get you unstuck:
- Creating
- Inventing
- Adding
- Eliminating
- Eradicate
- Reduce
- Accepting
- For now
- Preserve
- Choose what is worth maintaining
- Make improvements
Transformation Application: Take some time for self-reflection and ask: where am I stuck? Use the action words mentioned in this episode to help you move forward.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a situation or in the middle of a transition where we feel lost or unsure of what our next step is. This episode will give you six questions to help you process your current state and equip you with confidence and wisdom to know where you’re going and how to get there.
Transformation Tip:don’t feed the weeds!
- Don’t become overly focused on negativity
6 Questions To Help You Get Unstuck:
- What is success?
- In your current situation, how would you define success?
- You need to know where you’re going (vision)
- Define what your goal is - how will you know when you get there?
- Success doesn’t need to be all in one go
- What’s right?
- What is working? Where are your strengths?
- Where are you getting the most return on your investment?
- What relationships are feeding into you?
- Celebrate small wins
- What’s wrong?
- What isn’t working and what can we do?
- Sometimes the things that are wrong cannot be fixed or are out of your control - accept it.
- What’s confusing?
- What do you need clarity on? What can you not see clearly yet?
- You can’t move forward without clarity
- Find an outside source that can help you sort through things
- What’s missing?
- Where are the gaps?
- Resources? Skills? Relationships? Systems?
- How will you know when you get it? What will you get?
- What’s important now
- The WIN principle - What’s Important Now?
- What actions are you going to take?
- Take that first step
Transformation Application:The Most Valuable Principle (MVP) will WIN (What’s Important Now). Take what is the most valuable principle from this episode and apply it now!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Learning how to overcome the negative effects of comparison is imperative to aligning with your identity and thriving as your authentic self. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you conquer comparison and find joy in being you!
Transformation Tip: You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.
Tools to break comparison:
- Rather than compare, seek connection
- Share experiences
- Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
- Find authentic relationships
- Accept your limitations as a gift
- They will keep you humble and grounded
- Don’t look at your limitations as a disability
- Monitor your empowerment
- When you are functioning in your true identity/authentic self you will feel aligned and things will fall into place for you
- Compare yourself to yourself
- Internal validation
- Cultivate your inside environment
- If there is something in your life that speaks to you and makes you feel good - write it down and revisit them when you’re feeling external pressure of comparison
- This will remind you who you really are and the greatness within
- Stand your ground
- Remind yourself that other people’s reactions have nothing to do with you. Don’t listen to their opinions.
- As you start to break the mold culture has put you into, people will notice and might have a negative reaction to that and try to put you back in your “place”
- Stand your ground!
Transformation Application: Each day find something to celebrate in someone else and tell them!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Comparison is a tool - it can be healthy or destructive. The key is being able to identify when comparison is helping versus hurting our identity. In this episode, learn how to identify the patterns of negative comparison in your life.
Transformation Tip: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Teddy Roosevelt
Comparison is a tool - it can be healthy or destructive.
When it comes to negative comparison, don’t take the bait!
How do you know if the comparison is helping (upward) or hurting (downward)?
- If you can be inspired and motivated to be better (upward)
- If you’re comparing achievements (downward)
- If it leaves you feeling inferior (downward)
Comparison leads to performance orientation. When comparison makes us feel inferior, we then feel like we need to prove our worth through performance.
Our self-expectations can develop into a super image of what we think we need to be, but we will ALWAYS fall short of that image because there will always be someone we think is better than ourselves.
Transformation Application: This week catch yourself when you start comparing. Ask yourself whether this comparison is causing you to think upwards or downward.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Shame keeps us from seeing the greatness within ourselves. In order to find freedom from our shame, we must learn to be vulnerable, courageous, and forgiving. In this episode, we’ll give you practical tools to help you deal with the shame in your life.
Transformation Tip:Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” - Brené Brown
Shame keeps you from seeing the greatness within yourself
Shame causes you to believe you are not capable
Shame keeps you from connecting with people and building healthy relationships
Tools for dealing with shame:
- Vulnerability and transparency
- Be open and honest
- Failure is an event, not a person (they do not define you)
- Take small steps toward transparency
- Courage
- Shame fears exposure
- Face it with courage
- F.E.A.R. - False evidence appearing real
- Start moving in the area of forgiveness
- Forgive others
- Forgive yourself!
Transformation application:Start trying to identify the roots of the shame in your life and start applying the tools mentioned in this episode.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
In a world where our appearance to others is everything, it feels increasingly more difficult to be authentic. However, an inability to be vulnerable and authentic keeps us from being able to have meaningful and healthy relationships in our lives. This episode will help you identify and address the biggest enemy obstructing you from thriving in your true identity: shame.
Transformation Tip: “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” Brené Brown
People often keep things private or hidden because of shame. They only want others to see the best sides of themselves.
Guilt, shame, and fear all go hand in hand. Feeling insecure makes you feel like you need to protect yourself. This can sabotage your relationships by keeping you from being fully authentic and vulnerable with others.
Shame = something is wrong with me. It causes us to be self-focused (how do I prove myself?)
Shame causes you to blame out of fear of exposure
Shame leaves you lonely. Shame is all about ‘me me me’. It often results in isolation.
Transformation Application:Identify one area in your life where there might be shame that needs to be addressed.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
For our first ‘Transformation Talk’ of the season, Doug Osness, a public speaker, trainer, author, and life coach known as “The Big Why Guy” joins the show to discuss finding your 'why' and living from purpose. Doug has developed a unique tool designed to reveal your clear and compelling life purpose statement in 3 words or less.
What's your big why?
Everyone was born with a purpose. It’s already within you. Many people just don’t know what it is, how to figure it out, or how to live from it.
Your ‘why’ often grows or is just buried under your greatest pain. You have to be willing to confront that pain to see what lies beneath it.
Connect with Doug Osness:
bigwhyguy.net
Secondtierconsulting.com
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Learning to flourish in your identity doesn’t happen overnight - it takes time and patience. This episode will help you develop the self-awareness you need to begin addressing areas that have contributed to unhealthy identity and give you tools to implement healthy practices.
Transformation Tip: Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, then you is who you ain’t.
Even if you didn’t have love and nurture in your life growing up, you can make a conscious decision to give love and nurture to others. Don’t let your past define you.
Your identity doesn’t form overnight. It takes time and patience. Be gracious to yourself.
- Create a culture of unconditional acceptance and belonging
- Not needing to earn acceptance
- value the person; not what they do
- There’s a difference between discipline and punishment
- Discipline is to make people better; not make people feel bad about themselves
- Receive comfort and care
- We need a sense of security and protection
- Love is the greatest form of security
- Trust has to be formed with consistency and integrity
Transformation Application:Reflect on the 10 tips for a flourishing identity that we have shared over the past 2 episodes. Pick one that you feel like you have had in your life and give thanks for that. Then pick one tip that you feel like you’ve been missing in your life and grieve it, then make up your mind to choose to act in the opposite direction and sow what you would like to reap.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Learning to love and embrace your true self is key to having a healthy identity. This episode will equip you with practical ways to stop trying to constantly prove yourself and simply be yourself!
Transformation Tip: “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde
The Four Questions of Identity:
- Who am I (identity)
- Why am I here (purpose)
- Who do I trust (security)
- Where do I fit? (community)
Are you trying to prove yourself or just being yourself?
That which you sow you will reap. You can fill a deficit in your life by giving what you would like to receive yourself.
Keys to developing a healthy identity:
- Love and nurture
- Value worth and significance
- Give affirmation and encouragement
- Create an environment where it is safe to fail, grow and learn
- Learn to forgive yourself
Transformation application: Reflect on the way you have been giving others value, worth and significance through the way you communicate. Intentionally find ways to encourage, affirm, and uplift key people in your life this week.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Community is the environment where our identity is formed. Our identity needs to be nurtured in places that allow us to thrive. This episode will encourage you to find the places in your life where you are both contributing and receiving value.
Transformation Tip: If you think you’re the odd one out in the group, you’re not the only one.
Community is the environment where your identity is formed. Your identity needs to be nurtured in places that allow you to thrive.
Trust is the glue to all relationships.
Community = common unity
- Find people with common goals or passions
Find a place where you are receiving value as much as you are giving it.
- Go where you are celebrated not merely tolerated
Sometimes you outgrow a community and that's okay!
- If you stay too long it can cause mediocrity
Are you getting a return on your investment?
Building community is not about the number of people, it's about creating meaningful relationships
- You can feel alone and be surrounded by a crowd of people.
Transformation Application: Reflect on these two questions:
- Where do I feel I am adding value?
- Where is value being added to me?
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Insecurities often cause us to hide our true selves and push people away. The truth is, we need each other to bring the best out of us. Learning how to address our insecurities and find internal validation is key to trusting others and finding security in our own lives.
Transformation Tip: “You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.” -– Anton Chekhov
Shame causes us to hide. Our doubt creates insecurity which causes us to shield ourselves from others.
Growing through your identity is a process. Growth takes time.
Your starting point will dictate your finishing point. Live from a positive starting point.
Focusing on internal validation is vital. You have to find your security from within. If you can only find validation externally, your self-worth will constantly be under the power of circumstances you cannot control.
Insecure behaviors:
- Control
- Defensiveness
- Independence
Being vulnerable and authentic will draw people to your security.
When we don’t feel secure, we conclude that we need to do everything for ourselves and become independent/self-made. This often leads to self-centeredness and loneliness and exhaustion.
We need each other. We need people to bring out the best in us.
Practical self-awareness exercises:
- Understand and identify your triggers
- Look for moments when you find yourself over-reacting
- What provoked your insecure reaction?
- Walk in the opposite direction of your fears
- Make declarations and affirmations
- How you see yourself is how you treat yourself
Transformation application: Pick one of the three self-awareness exercises listed above and put it into action.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
ID Encounter - This online Identity Encounter video course will help you discover your original design and open you to a pathway of divine love and acceptance. This inspired and engaging teaching equips you to uncover your false mindsets and allow your mind to be renewed and transformed into alignment with your uniquely created identity and purpose.
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Mark Twain once said: The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why. Discovering your purpose may seem like a daunting quest, but it’s not necessarily as complicated as you think. This episode will give you practical tools to look within and find the “why” that connects you to your purpose.
Transformation Tip:“The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why.” - Mark Twain
Who am I? Why am I here? What value do I add? What is my purpose?
Purpose and destiny are two different things. Destiny is where you will end up, but your purpose is how and why you will get there. Your purpose stays with you - it is a part of your design.
Your sense of purpose has a motivation behind it. Your purpose is your why.
People are looking for a defining moment, but your identity does not consist of one defining moment.
Your purpose is already in you!
Practical tips for finding your purpose:
- Ask other people
- We often have blind spots when it comes to our strengths/talents
- Ask a few trusted people to tell you 5 of your strengths and 1 weakness
- See if there is a pattern in what is shared with you
- Take assessments
- Strengths Finder, Enneagram, Myers Briggs
- Try and take multiple
- Examine your history
- Look for patterns in your life where you feel like you were thriving and making good contributions
- Write them down!
- Was there a season in your life when something came so easily to you that you felt like you were faking it? That’s probably a good indication of something you were designed for.
- What major obstacles and challenges have you had to overcome in your life?
- The challenges in your life create empathy and compassion
- These experiences change and grow you
- You are uniquely positioned to help others who go through similar circumstances
- What lifelong dreams and aspirations do you carry?
- Reduce the dream down to its core essence (desire versus object of your desire)
- Passion and purpose go together
- What spiritual clues have you picked up?
Transformation Application: Pick three occasions in your life where you were passionate, excited, and fulfilled by what you were doing. Analyze each of those moments - what about these situations brought you that passion? This will give you clues to your purpose.
Coaching Resources:
Decoding Your Destiny Course: https://destinyu.thinkific.com/
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
In our performance-based society, it’s easy to measure our value and worth by what we do rather than who we are. Many of us don’t recognize the intrinsic value within us which leads us to have a negative perception of our identity. It’s time to break down the wrong mindsets you’ve adopted and start valuing yourself for who you truly are - priceless!
Transformation Tip:“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Four life questions:
- Who am I? - identity
- Why am I here? - destiny
- Who can I trust? - security
- Where do I fit? - community
Our inner narrative is powerful. Sadly, many people devalue themselves because of the wrong perception they have of themselves.
Identity = your perception of yourself. Your perception is true to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s the actual truth.
Identity is made up of your value and your worth. How you see yourself is how you treat yourself.
Each of us has intrinsic value. We are priceless! Your value and worth come from who you are, not what you do.
When you live FROM value and worth, you thrive. When you live FOR value and worth, you strive.
The key to knowing your identity is accepting yourself at your original design.
Acceptance is not external, it is internal. You can only receive from people, once you have learned to accept yourself.
Transformation Application: Rewind this episode and listen through it again. Pause and ponder the areas that resonate with how you think about yourself.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Understanding the natural rhythms and constraints in our lives is essential to self-care. The reminder of these natural limits allows us to remember our humanness and take care of our needs instead of pushing ourselves to burn out. In this episode learn how to harness the natural rhythms of your life to foster the healthiest and happiest version of yourself.
Transformation Tip: If your output is more than your intake, your upkeep will be your downfall.
You can’t give what you’re not receiving.
It’s important to understand the natural design, rhythms, and constraints around you. Learning to accept these limitations requires humility.
How to harness life’s natural rhythms:
- Rest - this isn’t a reward, it is a requirement
- Sleep hygiene - get enough sleep, keep your phone away from your bed, etc.
- Take breaks - unplug, take a nap, etc.
- Take vacations - find times to get away, also try taking a full day off each week
- Food and exercise - pay attention to your body, take care of yourself
- Personal energy cycles - there are certain times of the day when you work better
- Business cycles - understand the different seasons of your business life
- Seasons within nature - how do different seasons affect your energy?
Transformation Application: What areas of your life have you been too hard on yourself? Give yourself a break! Where are you not paying attention and not honoring the fact that there are natural constraints or limitations? Write it down. What will you do about it? Tell someone for accountability.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Monotonous routines can lead us into a downward spiral without even realizing it. Our productivity, effectiveness, and happiness all hinge on our ability to disrupt monotony and find rhythms that enhance our lives and bring our best selves forward.
Transformation Tip: Find a rhythm that enhances you, not a routine that stifles you.
Sometimes the monotony of life and everyday routines can cause you to get stuck in a rut. The Covid-19 pandemic has escalated this for many people.
Oftentimes, people are unaware that they are stuck in a routine pattern.
A monotonous routine can lead to boredom, which leads to losing passion, which leads to frustration, which leads to apathy, which can lead to anger, and eventually result in destructive habits.
If you always do the same old thing, all you’ll get is the same old thing.
Tips to disrupting monotony:
- Break the cycle
- Self-awareness - notice your tendencies
- Add variety to your schedule (ex: a walk, a full hour for lunch, a nap, etc.) - find what works for you!
- Self-care is key
Taking a day or even a week to unplug and rest can work wonders for you - mind, spirit, and body. It might not feel like an efficient use of time, but it is an effective use of time.
Transformation application:Take a tip that you heard in this episode and do it for a week. Be intentional about it by setting an alarm on your phone or adding it in your schedule. Break up your routine!
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Times of change and transition can cause anxiety because they bring out our insecurities that question our competence. Viewing this anxiety as an opportunity to learn and grow will help you work through those times in a healthy and productive way.
Transformation Tip: “In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists. - Eric Hoffer
You don’t need to be perfect, you need to be teachable.
Tips for times of change and transition:
- Stay positive
- You are going to make mistakes - see failure as growth
- Don’t try to be perfect
- Be patient - growth doesn’t happen instantly
- Have grace for yourself - laugh at your mistakes
- Don’t get hung up on your failures
Action breeds clarity. The fear of failure can be paralyzing, but you can’t grow if you don’t at least try. Taking action allows you to learn through trial and error, and leads to new ways of thinking.
In new and unfamiliar seasons, you have to remind yourself that this might not work! BUT! If you don’t try you’ll regret it.
Make sure you have a vision. What am I going after? Why am I going after it? Then surround yourself with people who believe in you and your vision (realistic voices of wisdom, not just a yes-man).
Transformation Application: What have you been putting off because of the risk involved? What is one action step you can take to move forward? Go do it.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Connect On Social:
Steve Facebook
Steve Instagram
Steve LinkedIn
Pete Facebook
Pete Instagram
Pete LinkedIn
Episode Description: Letting go is hard, but often we have to let go of something we’re holding onto if we are going to move into something new, and that can be scary. In this episode, we’ll help you learn to let go, embrace your greatness, and walk confidently into your new season.
Transformation Tip:“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence; it is to act with yesterday's logic.” - Peter Drucker
Oftentimes, you have to let go of something you’re holding onto if you are going to move into something new.
In life, we go through different seasons. These are shifts and changes. Learning to step back and recognize the season that you are in and adjust accordingly is much more advantageous than trying to force things into a season because you want them there.
Holding onto grudges and negative relationships will hold you back from moving forward into new relationships and new freedom
Have grace for yourself. Moving into something new can be scary. Don’t judge a novice engagement using expert criteria. Failure is a part of the journey.
Be wary of imposter syndrome. Identify it and make a choice to become self-aware.
The reason we like to hold onto the old is because of past successes or glories. Remember that you are great. Greatness does not stop in the past; it wants to come with you into your future. It’s not about an event, it’s about you. Embrace your greatness and walk confidently into your next season.
Transformation application: Pause. Take a deep breath in for four counts, hold it for four counts, and then exhale for four counts. While you are inhaling and holding your breath, think of one thing that you want to let go of today. As you exhale, open your hands and choose to emotionally release whatever that thing is. Plan the next step of action, if needed.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Learning to weed out bad habits and exchanging them for good habits can bring incredible transformation to your life. This episode will equip you with practical tools to develop good habit creation patterns and tackle the ones that are bringing you down.
Transformation Tip: “There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.” - Zig Ziglar
Creating good habits:
- Obvious and tangible; something within reach
- Small steps, don’t leap
- The more shortcuts you take the longer it takes
- Victory and maturity happens in the journey
What activates the habit? Learn to manage your triggers.
You can make a trigger work for you by associating it with something that already occurs, then replacing the bad habit with a good one.
We are bound to stumble during our habit-breaking process. Just because you slip up doesn’t put you back to zero.
Practical steps for breaking bad habits:
- Make a plan
- Only try to tackle one habit at a time
- Add some accountability
- What will you do if you relapse? (plan for it!)
Transformation application: Stress can be directly related to bad habits. What are the things causing you stress right now? What can you do to deal with that stress and put yourself in a position to replace bad habits with good ones? Remember, you are more powerful than you think.
Coaching Resources:
http://www.stevechuaintl.com
http://www.petecoaching.com/
https://www.insightoutcorp.com/
Book Resources:
Atomic Habits - James Clear
Triggers - Marshall Goldsmith
Are you ready to see transformation in your life? Steve and Pete share their vision for this season of the show, as well as their passion for coaching and helping individuals get unstuck. Stay tuned for future episodes of practical wisdom and application for your purpose and destiny.