The ADHDads: Recent Episodes
The ADHDads
As loving fathers directly influenced and empowered by ADHD, we live out a mission of focus on emotional intelligence and empathy toward our families, and in our daily walk. Join us in our journey as we stumble, laugh, reflect, and grow. We started the ADHDads movement to share our stories with ADHD and life to strengthen our relationships, and gain knowledge and wisdom along the way. As we expand our library, we will grow our network of experts to dive deep into the superpower of ADHD, and sharpen our skills to care for our loved ones—those gifted with neurodivergence, and the “normies."
The return of Mr. Anderson! Steve Anderson brought a special treat for our listeners—his Guided Journal for Dads Volume 1: From Vision to Action has been released. Steve has put together thoughtful and provocative writing prompts to challenge men into asking deeper, more introspective questions. Whether you are new to journaling or have been doing […]
Dishonest harmony is the avoidance of uncomfortable or difficult topics in order to maintain a false sense of harmony. The Dads break down why dishonest harmony is bad.
Being yelled at can have significant negative psychological effects, particularly when it’s a recurring pattern. Today, the Dads discuss the dangers of being the loudest in the room, as well as strategies to being the lowest heartbeat in the room. Here are some common outcomes of being yelled at: Children are particularly vulnerable to the […]
Let's be real. Screens can take away from quality time, fun in the sun, and the joy of being in the outdoors. Not only does our health experience compromise, but so do our relationships. How do we connect in the summer, and what can we do to take advantage of the outdoors with our neurodiverse family and friends? The dads discuss strategies, and provide some of their favorite activities for the summer, as well as other times of the year.
Structure and Planning:
- Create a Schedule: While you can ditch the super strict routine, having a loose framework for the day with planned activities helps kids with ADHD feel secure and know what to expect. This can include outdoor play time, creative projects, chores, and downtime for reading.
- Involve your child: Let your child participate in planning some of the activities. This gives them a sense of ownership and makes them more likely to be excited.
Embrace the Outdoors:
- Nature Play: Parks, playgrounds, and backyards are full of opportunities for exploration, climbing, running, and imaginative play. Pack a picnic lunch and make a day of it!
- Water Activities: Beat the heat with sprinklers, slip-and-slides, or a trip to the pool or beach.
Creative Activities:
- Arts and Crafts: Stock up on art supplies like paints, construction paper, and playdough. Channel their energy into creating masterpieces!
- Building and Making: Legos, building blocks, or even cardboard boxes can become anything from spaceships to robots.
- Fort Building: Sheets, blankets, and pillows turn into epic forts for reading, playing, or just relaxing.
Active Play:
- Sports and Games: Backyard games like frisbee, tag, or jump rope get them moving. Consider enrolling them in a sports camp or league.
- Bike Rides and Scootering: Exploring the neighborhood on wheels is a great way to burn energy and have fun.
Other Ideas:
- Board Games and Puzzles: Classic board games and challenging puzzles are stimulating and provide quality family time.
- Themed Days: Have a pirate day, a dinosaur day, or a space exploration day. Let their imagination run wild with costumes and themed activities.
- Volunteering or Helping Others: Helping at a local animal shelter, community garden, or food bank can give them a sense of purpose and responsibility.
- Camping: If you're feeling adventurous, a camping trip is a chance to unplug and connect with nature.
Remember:
- Be Patient: There will be bumps along the road. Be prepared with some alternative activities if something doesn't hold their interest.
- Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge their efforts and good behavior, especially when they're struggling to stay engaged without technology.
- Make it Fun: Focus on creating positive memories and fostering a love for learning through play and exploration.
With a little planning and creativity, you can have a fantastic tech-free summer that your child with ADHD will love!
Some of our favorite things (that may involve some screen time):
- Magic Puzzles
- Osmo
- ABC Mouse
- Geocaching
- Hiking
- Camping
- Movie Night
- Biking
- Wiffle Ball
- Swimming
- Lemonade Stand
- Bake Sale
- Build Cardboard spaceship
- Imaginative play (create a dinosaur park with dinosaur toys)
Check out Screamfree Parenting for strategies on communicating in constructive ways as you work toward screen-free summertime with your family.
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Let’s be real. Screens can take away from quality time, fun in the sun, and the joy of being in the outdoors. Not only does our health experience compromise, but so do our relationships. How do we connect in the summer, and what can we do to take advantage of the outdoors with our neurodiverse […]
Life is messy. WE are messy. What does it look like to be responsible for ourselves and each other, and how do we get to we over me, as it relates to a clean home, a happy and healthy family environment, and more? The Dads dive into their own personal experiences, and discuss essential tips for a clean and happy home.
It can be tough when those you live with have different ideas of "clean." Here are some tips to have a productive conversation:
Find Common Ground:
- Shared Vision: Instead of focusing on blame, discuss the benefits of a cleaner space. Maybe it's reduced stress, easier to find things, or a healthier environment.
- Respect Differences: Acknowledge that everyone has their own comfort level with cleanliness.
Open Communication:
- "I" Statements: Use "I" statements to express how the messiness makes you feel, e.g., "I feel stressed when the dishes pile up in the sink." Avoid accusatory statements like, "You always leave your mess everywhere!"
- Active Listening: Listen to their perspective too. Maybe they didn't realize how much the mess bothered you, or they have a time crunch for cleaning.
Finding Solutions:
- Cleanliness Standards: Discuss what "clean" means to everyone. Maybe it's not about a spotless house, but having clear pathways and surfaces for essential tasks.
- Chore Delegation: Work together to create a chore chart that assigns tasks based on preferences and abilities. Maybe someone hates dishes but loves vacuuming.
- Compromise: Be flexible. Maybe some areas are kept tidier than others, or cleaning schedules are adjusted.
Additional Tips:
- Focus on Teamwork: Frame cleaning as a team effort to maintain a happy and healthy home environment.
- Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and appreciate each other's efforts when someone cleans up.
- Make it Fun: Play music while cleaning, turn it into a competition, or make it a family activity.
Remember, the goal is to find a system that works for everyone. Be patient, understanding, and open to compromise. There are resources online and in libraries about chore charts and creating a cleaning routine for families.
We Over Me by Khadeen and Devale Ellis
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The impermanence of life can be a powerful motivator to live fully. Today the Dads talk about a recent loss in the family, the conversation with our kids regarding the loss, and the reminder of the value of today (and every day). Losing a loved one is something we're never fully prepared for, because the memories we created with them remind us why it's so hard to say goodbye.
Here are some ways to approach living a fulfilling life today, knowing that time is precious:
Focus on the Present: Life is a constant flow of moments. By dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we miss the richness of the present. Practice mindfulness by savoring experiences, appreciating the beauty around you, and being fully present in your interactions.
Pursue Your Passions: What excites you? What brings you joy and a sense of purpose? Make time for activities that light you up, whether it's a hobby, learning a new skill, or creative expression.
Embrace Growth: Life is a journey of learning and evolving. Challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone, try new things, and learn from your experiences. Growth fosters a sense of accomplishment and keeps life interesting.
Connect with Others: Strong relationships are a cornerstone of a fulfilling life. Spend time with loved ones, nurture your connections, and build a community that supports you.
Give Back: Contributing to something larger than yourself can bring meaning and purpose. Volunteer your time, help others in need, or find a cause you're passionate about.
Here's how you can embrace a full life as loving parents and friends, knowing life is precious:
Prioritize Quality Time: Schedule dedicated time with your loved ones, free from distractions. This could be a family game night, a movie date with your partner, or a simple walk with a friend.
Be Present: Put away your phone and other devices when you're with loved ones. Truly listen to them, engage in conversations, and show genuine interest in their lives.
Create Memories: Plan fun activities or traditions that create lasting memories. This could be anything from a yearly camping trip to a movie marathon at home.
Express Love Openly: Don't take your loved ones for granted. Tell them you love them, give hugs, and express appreciation for their presence in your life.
Focus on the Small Moments: The everyday moments often hold the most significance. Show you care by making breakfast in bed, reading a story to your child, or offering a massage to your partner.
Leave a Positive Legacy: Your actions and interactions shape the lives of those around you. Strive to be patient, kind, and understanding. Teach your children empathy and compassion. Build strong friendships based on trust and support.
Embrace Forgiveness: Life isn't perfect, and disagreements will happen. Practice forgiveness and let go of resentment.
Communicate Openly: Open communication strengthens relationships. Talk about your feelings, concerns, and hopes for the future. Encourage your children to do the same.
Celebrate Each Other: Make an effort to celebrate each other's achievements, big or small. Acknowledge birthdays, graduations, or simply a good day at work.
Show Gratitude: Express gratitude for your loved ones and the time you have together. Thank your children for their laughter, your partner for their support, and your friends for their loyalty.
By focusing on quality time, open communication, and expressing love in the everyday moments, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful life for yourself and your loved ones. Knowing life is temporary can be a gentle reminder to cherish each other and make every moment count.
Thank you for listening, and for your patience as we navigate our own ups and downs of life. We are grateful for your support!
Links
The Spence Children's Anxiety Scale
Child General Anxiety Disorder Self-Test
Screen for Child Anxiety Related Disorders
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Sanjay grew up near Compton, California, surrounded by drugs and violence. Today he shares his insights and experience to help men going through life transitions and mid-life crises.
Sanjay's background includes investment banking at J.P. Morgan, business development, film and television production, and much more. He is the author of five award winning children’s books, and he started his own publication company. His books celebrate zen principles and female empowerment, as he has twin daughters.
Sanjay’s passion is coaching men on spirituality, emotional well being, nutrition and physical health, creativity, communication, and regaining a sense of self and fun. On today's episode, the Dads and Sanjay discuss overcoming stress and dissatisfaction through identifying the problem, and taking the steps to achieving a successful, happy, and fulfilled adult life.
Links
https://sanjaynambiarcoaching.com/
Videos
Email Sanjay
Thank you for your support. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review. It helps get the word out.
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This week the Dads share strategies on how to respectfully communicate and divvy up chores and responsibilities in the home. A lot of fights in marriage are due to poor communication, and resentment often builds up when we feel we are doing more than our partners. 50/50 in a marriage is ideal, but oftentimes life throws us curve balls and we have to pick up the slack. Learn some strategies and tips on how to plan, communicate, and share the load around the house. The Dads get personal this week with stories from their own lives. You won’t want to miss this week’s episode of The ADHDads.Make sure to check out TheADHDads.com for more episodes and content.And thanks for your support.Show NotesThe Fair Play Game
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Today the Dads welcome back superstar Shell Mendelson! Shell is an ADHD career coach who has trained with Richard Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute? She helps adults with ADHD navigate career decisions and transitions. She published A Course for ADHD Adults and Teens: Unlock Your Career Path. Mendelson has been on numerous podcasts and helps individuals unlock their purpose and discover true happiness in their careers. This week the Dads discuss with Shell the benefits of advocating for ourselves in our path toward a career, as well as in the workplace. If there's one thing we can stress, it's to advocate for your best self wherever you are, and when you're an adult, you're often at the office. Shell shares with the Dads some strategies to discovering our paths, and making them work for us.
Website
www.careercoachingwithshell.com
Your Next Career Move MasterClass
A Course for ADHD Adults and Teens: Unlock Your Career Path
Purchase on Amazon
We are incredibly grateful for Shell's return to the podcast. If you feel moved to purchase her incredible workbook, please let us know. And as always, thank you for your support!
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Dr. Janie Funk is the clinical director of Behaven Kids, which focuses on building hope through mental wellness in children. They work with families and children to teach effective skills for succeeding in life and concentrate on ABA therapy, or Applied Behavior Analysis, which helps reinforce learning techniques around improving social skills in functional communication, as well as helping to decrease challenging behaviors and help educate parents on neurodiversity and ASD.
Dr. Funk discusses with the Dads the benefits of ABA therapy, as well as multi-disciplinary methods for success. Creating consistency and predictability is valuable for any neurodiverse person, but is it all that one needs? Listen to our discussion to learn more.
behavenkids.com
Behaven Kids on Facebook
Behaven Kids on Instagram
Behaven Kids on LinkedIn
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Becca Lory Hector was diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult and has since become a dedicated autism and neurodiversity advocate, researcher, consultant, speaker, and author. She now teaches a course called “Self Defined Living: A Path to a Quality Autistic Life,” which focuses on autism and neurodiversity consulting which promotes an active and positive lifestyle.
On this episode, Becca discusses with the Dads how a diagnosis can change one's life, bringing peace and understanding where there once was misunderstanding and loss of direction.
We appreciate your listening to this important, deep discussion on the value of learning and knowing oneself. As always, thank you for your support, and for more, check out theadhdads.com.
Links
https://beccalory.com/
https://www.trulyinclusiveleadership.com/
Becca on LinkedIn
Becca on Instagram
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This week the Dads dive into how to press that ol’ restart button on your emotions. We all get triggered and have bad days, but what does accountability and forgiveness look like? How do we reset and forge a new path? Well, this week the guys give some strategies around just that. Learn how to hold yourself accountable, make amends, and plan for next steps. We all fall, but how we get back up and push forward is what really teaches our kids resilience. You don’t want to miss this week’s episode of The ADHDads.
For more content check out TheADHDads.com
And thanks for your support!
CJ’s 5 steps to a reset
Journaling
Get all of your thoughts out. Keep writing all of the good, bad, and the ugly. Get it all out on a page and purge your troubled mind.
Reflection
Reflect on your journaling and decide which areas you need to take accountability for and which actions you consider wins.
Accountability
Make amends, to not only your peers, family, or friends, but yourself as well. Apologize and add other perspectives to your experience by talking with others you have affected.
Planning
Strategize and plan how you will handle triggering scenarios moving forward. What tools, tips, tricks, or techniques will you implement when you feel emotions rise?
Grace and forgiveness
Check in with yourself and others regularly and offer grace and forgiveness as you learn a new behavior and way of responding.
The six elements of an effective apology, according to science (osu.edu)
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Today the Dads talk about how to "choose your hard." They discuss strategies they've used in their own situations to navigate difficult life choices, where facing a challenge was and is the only option. Choosing your hard doesn't mean bad, but rather is an opportunity for growth.
Choose your hard is a motivational statement that encourages you to be proactive in facing challenges and difficulties inherent in life. It doesn't imply that life will be without difficulties, but rather that you have some agency in choosing which challenges you will confront. Here are some key aspects of this concept:
1. Acknowledging Difficulty
Life is full of challenges, and "choose your hard" acknowledges this reality. It recognizes that pursuing goals, making changes, or simply living authentically will often involve overcoming difficulties.
2. Proactive Choice
While we cannot control all circumstances, this phrase emphasizes that we have some level of control over which difficulties we face. It encourages us to consider different options and their potential consequences, allowing us to choose the path that aligns with our values and goals, even if it presents challenges.
3. Comparison and Awareness
"Choose your hard" can also encourage us to compare the potential difficulties of different choices. For instance, staying in a stagnant job might be comfortable in the short term, but it could lead to long-term dissatisfaction and lack of growth. Conversely, pursuing a career change might be initially difficult, but it could ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and personal satisfaction.
4. Growth Mindset
This phrase often aligns with a growth mindset, which believes that skills and abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Choosing a "hard" path often involves learning new things, stepping outside your comfort zone, and facing setbacks. However, the potential for growth and personal development can be greater on this path compared to one that avoids challenges altogether.
5. Embracing the Journey
While acknowledging the difficulty, "choose your hard" doesn't glorify suffering. It's about accepting challenges as part of the journey and focusing on the potential outcomes and growth that they can bring.
It's important to remember that "choose your hard" is not a universal prescription for all situations. External factors and circumstances can significantly limit individual agency in choosing their "hard." However, it can be a helpful framework for individuals who feel stuck or unsure when faced with life's complexities, encouraging them to consider their options, take ownership of their choices, and embrace the growth that comes with overcoming challenges.
Referenced in this episode
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
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Andrew Kirkaldy is a father, lacrosse coach, recovering alcoholic, and pursuer of growth. In the latest episode of the Dad Den, the Dads discuss the evolution of men, from influences and inspirational figures in our childhood, to redemption through divorce and addiction. Life lessons can be learned and taught simultaneously, as the Dads dive into showing up for our kids with transparency and compassion while experiencing the highs and lows.
This episode is a raw and real conversation. You don't have to be an addict, or a divorcee, or even a father to gain valuable takeaways for yourself and your relationships in this conversation with coach Kirkaldy. Thank you for listening, supporting, and contributing to the ADHDads!
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Dan Mitchell is one of our favorite talented and successful imports. He found a great opportunity with his company to move his family to the States years ago, and they have called America home for some time. In the years following the move, Dan reflects on the work that needed to be done within himself, and within his family. The Dads discuss today the importance of finding happiness for oneself, and for our families as they evolve into the space of co-parenting.
This episode is important not just for people who are separated with kids, but also for any person interested in finding a path in their personal growth so they can, in turn, find success in their relationships by developing core values and confidence.
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Leanne Pritchett is a veteran Special Education Teacher and Advocate for the past 17 years. She is currently employed as a Teacher of the Visually Impaired and as an Orientation and Mobility Specialist. Along with teaching third year Hebrew, she is a licensed Speech-Language Pathology Assistant. She works with students that range from ages 3 to 22 that have numerous diagnoses that range from Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Learning Disabilities, to Physical Abnormalities, and kids who are Severely Emotionally Disturbed. The list goes on and on..
She’s also recently started a micro podcast at Swellcast, which focuses on educating the public about Special Needs and how to see the child, NOT the diagnosis. Our conversation today takes a special focus on how we see our kids and not their diagnoses.
Linktree
Swellcast
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Let's be honest, no one can be the ideal role model at all times. Expecting perfection is a recipe for disappointment. In fact, perfectionism often pushes us further away from success. In this episode, we confess some of our recent failures, and we lift each other up through grace. Being the example is near and dear to our hearts, because we deeply care for our children and loved ones. In this first episode in a series of being the example, we will share some valuable tips, as well as what to look out for, on the path to being a good model for our kids. Stay tuned for more episodes on being the example.
Being the ideal example for your kids isn't about achieving perfection, but about living with intention and showing them values you consider important. Here are some ways to approach it:
Lead by example:
- Integrity: Show that your words and actions align. Keep promises, admit mistakes, and treat others with fairness and respect. This teaches them honesty, accountability, and empathy.
- Kindness: Spread kindness throughout your interactions. Be helpful, compassionate, and understanding. Encourage them to do the same towards others, fostering a caring environment.
- Resilience: When faced with challenges, don't give up easily. Show them how to find solutions, learn from mistakes, and persevere through difficulties. This builds their confidence and problem-solving skills.
- Growth mindset: Embrace lifelong learning and encourage curiosity. Explore new things, ask questions, and be open to different perspectives. This fosters a love of learning and a growth mindset in your kids.
- Healthy habits: Prioritize good sleep, nutritious food, regular exercise, and stress management. This teaches them the importance of taking care of themselves, both physically and mentally.
Open communication:
- Talk openly about your values: Explain why certain things are important to you and how they guide your decisions. This helps them understand your perspective and develop their own values.
- Listen actively: Pay attention to their thoughts and feelings, validate their experiences, and create a safe space for open dialogue. This builds trust and encourages them to communicate honestly with you.
- Acknowledge their efforts: Celebrate their achievements, big and small. Offer constructive feedback when needed, focusing on progress and learning opportunities. This fosters their confidence and encourages them to keep trying.
Remember:
- Be authentic: You don't need to be perfect. Show your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, learn from them, and keep growing.
- Focus on progress: Set achievable goals and celebrate progress along the way. It's a journey, not a destination.
- Be patient: Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and your kids as you work towards building a positive and healthy environment.
Most importantly, show your kids love and understanding. Let them know you are there for them, no matter what. Being a good role model is about creating a nurturing environment where they can learn, grow, and become the best versions of themselves.
Thank you for your support! Check out theadhdads.com for more.
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Have you caught yourself in an argument with your kids, and you know the only way out of it is frustration? As parents, we are modeling behavior for our children in every moment. When our kids are arguing with each other, they’re learning how to strengthen their position as well as how to navigate opposition. When our kids argue with, we teach them boundaries, listening, curiosity, and peaceful disagreement. Or, at least that’s what we should be teaching them!
In this episode, the Dads talk about parental strategies for having peaceful disagreements with our children, as well as how to argue with our neurodiverse kids. Here are some strategies for those times we find ourselves locked into an argument:
Be Clear About Rules
Parents should be clear about what the parameters look like. Make it clear as soon as possible what is negotiable, and what is not.
Positive, Difficult, Positive
Our kids will have strong emotions and opinions. They should have the space to express how they are feeling. That doesn’t mean they should get that space whenever they want.
Ask your child to state something positive, then explain why they are upset. Finish again with something positive.
Pause and Designate Time/Space for Upset
Basically, there should be a clear understanding about where and how they can voice their upset. It limits the chances of a circular argument. Does your child really want to keep asking questions to understand where you’re coming from, or are they asking questions because they are arguing for what they want? Let them have space and time to work through the upset, and give them the space to do that with you as well.
Set Clear Boundaries Before Any Argument is On the Radar
“If you interrupt repeatedly, I will tell you as calmly as possible that the conversation must continue another time. If that also isn’t respected, we will instill a consequence, or I will simply walk away and explain why.”
Affirm and Acknowledge
When an argument is being respected by your children, acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and points to show them you also respect them. Model positive disagreements.
Focus on Good Behaviors
Give power to the good choices. Be specific when giving praise.
Links
Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
As always, thank you for your support! We are into our second year of the podcast! If you would be so generous to consider a contribution to the show, or to simply buy us a meal, we'd be so grateful. We are excited to hear from you this year!
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Steve Anderson is a Life Coach for fathers, a stepfather, husband, the former executive director of the Boys to Men Mentoring Network of Minnesota from 2011 to 2022, and he has led men and boys through transformative weekends in multiple states across the U.S. and internationally. He is a Certified Professional Coach and completed the Certificate Program in Applied Neuroscience from The Neuroscience School.
For this first conversation with Steve, the Dads discuss the benefits, power, and privilege of carrying the title “Father.” To be able to embrace fatherhood regardless of our biology is an honor, and something not to be taken lightly. If you are a step or “bonus” parent, be sure to listen to this episode.
We also discuss the importance of self care. As fathers, we can find ourselves wanting to serve and provide for our families without taking into consideration our own well-being. But as we know, extending ourselves too far can take its toll at home as well as at work. In this first part of our talk with Steve on self care, we begin to affirm fathers and what we can do to strengthen ourselves to best show up at home.
You can reach out to Steve at his website, https://steveanderson.coach/. Steve’s program, The Best Dad Program, will move you from feeling hopeless to empowered to become the father you are meant to be, and build and maintain healthy relationships with your children.
About Steve
My dad wasn’t around much when I was a teenager, but I thought that was normal. He’d come home angry from work, go to his home office, and that was it. I started to get angry. I wanted a dad who was there for me, but I wasn’t the one who could make that happen. When I was 15, he had a nervous breakdown from stress at work, but it made little difference to me if he was at work, in his office, or detained for his own safety in a mental institution. Absent was absent. I realized I was on this path to manhood on my own.
When I was in my 30s, I was in a toxic relationship, and I realized that something needed to change, but I just didn’t have the strength or know-how to do so. I started on what was to be a long journey of self-discovery, with the help of many courses, support groups, counseling, and qualifications. Eventually, I had the strength to leave that toxic relationship.
My life changed from that moment on. I met and married a wonderful woman who already had two boys, aged 4 and 9. I adopted them after their biological father drank himself to death a few years later. This was hard for them, but I was able to be there and support them.
Being a son or daughter is hard, no matter what kind of parents one has. We are all shaped by our past and current circumstances. We are not trapped by them. I’ve spent the last 15 years developing the skills, knowledge, and experience to help men become better fathers.
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It's been a year since we started The ADHDads podcast. Thank you for your support! In today's episode, we reflect on our first year, what we've learned, and how we grew through the process. We discuss the benefits of receiving a diagnosis and the support that can come with it. With all we've learned, we have so much more in store, with deep dives into neurodiversity, skills building, family and interpersonal relationships, and so much more.
Thank you for your support during this first year of the podcast! We are grateful to continue to deliver to you a glimpse into life from our places in the world, and the major life lessons that we all grow from. You can support our podcast by leaving a review, or accessing the link below.
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Genevieve King is the founder and CEO of Origins Curriculum, a program developed to provide innovative eco-conscious education solutions that inspire and equip schools and educators in environmental awareness and sustainability. She is a long-time entrepreneur from the Flathead Reservation in beautiful western Montana where she grew up immersed in and connected to nature. Genevieve has over 25 years experience in early childhood education and an extensive background in environmental sustainability. She majored in Environmental Journalism and obtained her CDA credentials as well as her Preschool Teaching Certification.
Today Genevieve discusses with the Dads the major benefits of interconnected education, sustainability, and connecting with nature. How does this type of education, whether at school or at home, help our children with neurodiversity? Genevieve provides some great insights that we and our children can all benefit from exploring.
Origins Curriculum is currently having a December sale. You can choose either 20% off for four months, or first month free as well as 15% off items in their store. Please access the following links for more:
EXLORATORY COURSES (Masterclass for Kids Collaboration)
ECO EDUCATOR COURSE (for parents and educators of all ages)
https://www.instagram.com/origins.curriculum
https://www.tiktok.com/@origins.curriculum
https://www.facebook.com/origins.curriculum
https://www.linkedin.com/in/genevieveking/
DECEMBER SALE
Thank you for your support during our first year as The ADHDads! If you like the show, and would be so kind to give us a positive review on your platform of choice, it would help us to find a larger audience. If you have an idea you’d like to hear us discuss, or would like to contribute in any way, please reach out to us at theadhdads.com. Happy holidays!
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Today the Dads welcome Emma Leigh Rivera to the show. Emma provides a glimpse into what it looks like for her to navigate and view the world post autism diagnosis as an adult. She also provides us with a look into the past and how an autism diagnosis plays a part in living out memories.
Emma found a great opportunity in theater and writing that helped her navigate social dynamics, past traumas, and more. Be sure to listen to what owning and learning about your autism means to Emma.
Thank you for your support. We are excited for the holidays, and are in a season of gratitude. We appreciate the time you spend with us each week. For more, check out theadhdads.com.
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Kristen Carder is an ADHD expert, a top podcast host, and an internationally-recognized life coach for adults with ADHD. She joins the Dads for an intimate and personal discussion on ADHD.
What does treatment for ADHD look like? How do we make the treatment “worth it?” What support do you have in your life? Is ADHD a superpower? Be sure to listen to our conversation with Kristen as we directly address these very important matters and misconceptions in the world of ADHD, and discuss why we must take great care of what we say and believe.
Kristen’s extensive experience supporting people with ADHD began in 2012, and for the last four years she has provided coaching and consulting to thousands of ADHD adults.
ADHD is not a buzz word to Kristen Carder, it's her life's work. She started studying ADHD and its effect on adults long before it was trending on TikTok, and has had the privilege of learning directly from the leading psychiatrists and psychologists in the ADHD industry.
Kristen’s life’s purpose is to help adults with ADHD accept themselves and move from Point A to Point B. She does this through the I Have ADHD Podcast and her group coaching program, FOCUSED.
You can use your gifts to be awesome in this life. To also have the privilege of great support will only further your strengths. We are grateful to share this wonderful conversation with Kristen today. As always, thank you for your support. For more, check out theadhdads.com.
ihaveadhd.com
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What tools and strategies do you use when teaching and practicing empathy? How do you encourage empathy in your neurodiverse children? This week the guys continue discussing empathy. As any parent of a neurodiverse kid knows, encouraging empathy can be a challenge. The guys dive into useful tools and resources that have helped them along their journey, and offer tips and tricks for planting a seed of empathy in our kiddos and having the patience and persistence to watch it grow.
For more content check out TheADHDads.com.
And thanks for your support!
Links:
The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions by Anna Llenas
Slumberkins
Marriage Be Hard by Kevin and Melissa Fredericks
Never Split The Differenceby Chris Voss
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Do your relatives misunderstand your neurodiverse kids and mistreat them?
Do you ever feel like you need to protect your kids from your relatives?
On today's episode, the Dads talk strategies, scenarios, and scripts to help you navigate the holidays with solid boundaries with family and neurodiversity.
Some things to consider saying in your script:
- We all are excited to have a good time together. Here’s what I would love from you to my family in order for that to become successful.
- Here’s what our day tends to look like, and here’s what our family looks like in that.
- The change in routine and level of excitement will be, at times, overwhelming, and here are some things we say and do to help moments of heightened sensation.
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed or concerned, I’d love for you to talk with me about it rather than with my kids. (We want the tension to be handled with the adults first so we understand each other)
I’m the one my kid trusts the most, and I’m the parent, so the discipline is most safely understood when coming from me. It means the most for you and for my kid when you enjoy each other rather than having you discipline him.
My kid has certain needs that might not always fall in line with others’ expectations. For example, he needs to get up and move rather than sit at the table for a set period of time.
Have someone else who understands the situation be there to offer safety and calm as well.
Other things to keep in mind:
- If I don’t speak up for my child, then they will experience a loss of safety.
- It’s impossible to know how things will go, so apply grace, especially to yourself. If you need to give yourself some time to center, don’t feel guilty about it. Take that time if you can get it so you can best show up for yourself and your family.
- Consider whether visiting family is in fact in your best interest.
Don’t forget to have realistic expectations.
Relatives might say they understand neurodiversity, but the truth is that we are still loving an individual. Self-control looks different for everyone, and in every situation.
As always, thank you so much for your support. We will get through the holidays together! For more, check out theadhdads.com, and visit us on all the socials.
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Distancing language is any type of language that creates a sense of emotional or interpersonal distance between the speaker and the topic being discussed. It can be used intentionally or unintentionally, but it can often have negative consequences, such as making the speaker seem less empathetic or trustworthy.
Here are some examples of distancing language:
- Using the passive voice: Instead of saying "I made a mistake," someone might say "A mistake was made." This can make it seem like the speaker is not taking responsibility for their actions.
- Using vague or impersonal language: Instead of saying "I'm feeling sad," someone might say "I'm not feeling my best." This can make it difficult for others to connect with the speaker's emotions.
- Using euphemisms: Instead of saying "The company is laying off workers," someone might say "The company is rightsizing its workforce." This can be used to downplay or desensitize a difficult situation.
- Using third-person pronouns: Instead of saying "I think this is a good idea," someone might say "One might think this is a good idea." This can make the speaker seem less committed to their opinion.
- Using hedging language: Instead of saying "I'm sure this will work," someone might say "I hope this will work." This can make the speaker seem less confident.
- Blame shifting, or minimizing role: “I could have been better, but…” This creates distance between the speaker and the conflict and outcome, passing the blame to someone else.
To avoid using distancing language, try to be as direct and honest as possible. Use the active voice, specific and personal language, and state your opinions clearly. Be mindful of your emotions and try to express them in a way that others can understand.
Here are some tips for avoiding distancing language:
- Use the active voice whenever possible. This means that the subject of the sentence is performing the action. For example, instead of saying "The dishes were washed," say "I washed the dishes."
- Use specific and personal language. Instead of saying "Some people think this is a good idea," say "I think this is a good idea."
- State your opinions clearly and avoid hedging language. For example, instead of saying "I hope this will work," say "I'm confident that this will work."
- Be mindful of your emotions and try to express them in a way that others can understand. For example, instead of saying "I'm not feeling my best," say "I'm feeling sad today."
- Take whole ownership of your role and action steps moving forward. For example, “I became defensive and expressed my anger in a hurtful way. I will explain my emotions in the future, and be open to hearing the other person’s perspective.”
By avoiding distancing language, you can communicate more effectively and build stronger relationships with others.
Thanks for your support! To support the Dads and the podcast, please use the link below, or visit theadhdads.com.
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This week the Dads discuss victim mindset, AKA victim mentality. A trap that’s often easy to fall into, the victim mindset often could be translated as inaction. When one chooses to point the finger of blame at any external source, the loss of power and choice is, in truth, an illusion, because it’s still a choice. It’s still a commitment to something. The Dads take a dive into the world of empowerment through taking ownership of what we can control, and discuss how we can actively pursue a series of successes by flipping the mindset into one of action.
Overcoming a victim mindset can be a challenging but transformative process. Here are some steps you can take to help yourself or someone else overcome this mindset:
- Acknowledge It
Self-Reflection: Understand and acknowledge that you have been seeing yourself as a victim. Awareness is the first step to change.
Accept Responsibility: While you may have been a victim of certain circumstances, accepting responsibility for your reactions and choices empowers you. 2. Shift Your Perspective
Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts. Replace self-pitying thoughts with positive affirmations.
Gratitude Practice: Focus on what you have rather than what you lack. Regularly practicing gratitude can shift your perspective. 3. Develop Resilience
Problem-Solving Skills: Learn how to solve problems constructively rather than dwelling on them.
Emotional Regulation: Develop coping mechanisms for dealing with negative emotions, such as deep breathing, meditation, or exercise.
Build a Support System: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who encourage growth and resilience. 4. Set Goals
Small Achievable Goals: Set small, realistic goals for yourself. Achieving these can boost your confidence and sense of control.
Long-Term Vision: Have a vision for your future. Set long-term goals and work towards them step by step. 5. Develop Self-Compassion
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s a part of learning and growing.
Forgiveness: Forgive yourself and others for past wrongs. Holding onto grudges can keep you trapped in a victim mentality. 6. Seek Professional Help
Therapy or Counseling: A mental health professional can provide tailored guidance and support.
Support Groups: Connecting with others who have overcome similar challenges can be incredibly empowering. 7. Educate Yourself
Read and Learn: Educate yourself about the experiences of others who have overcome adversity. Learning about their resilience can be inspiring. 8. Practice Empowerment
Take Ownership: Own your life and decisions. Recognize that you have the power to shape your own destiny.
Develop Skills: Invest in learning new skills. This can boost your confidence and make you feel more capable. 9. Be Patient
Be Kind to Yourself: Changing deep-seated thought patterns takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself during this process.
Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate even small victories. Every step forward is a significant achievement. 10. Cultivate a Positive Environment
Limit Negative Influences: Avoid people or situations that reinforce the victim mentality. Surround yourself with positivity.
Media Consumption: Be mindful of the media you consume. Constant exposure to negative news can reinforce feelings of victimization.
Overcoming a victim mindset is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and self-compassion. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and keep moving forward.
Thank you as always for your support. Please check theadhdads.com for more. We have some exciting content and offerings coming soon. If you feel the call to elevate yourself, contact us today for a free consultation. We’ll go over areas you’re looking to empower yourself, and create a roadmap for success.
If you feel led to support the show, we’d be forever grateful. We’ll give you a shoutout on the podcast, and maybe even give you a call!
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On today’s episode of The ADHDads, we loosely discuss the topic of giving grace. The Dads both recently experienced some adversity, and we’re well aware that it is very easy to either lose our cool, or freeze up, when confronted with discomfort or pushback. But what does it look like to follow up our own failures with love? It starts with grace.
- Understanding GraceDefinition: Grace is the act of showing kindness, compassion, and forgiveness to others, especially in difficult or undeserving situations.Importance: Discuss why giving grace is important in fostering understanding, resolving conflicts, and building stronger relationships.
- Empathy and PerspectivePut Yourself in Their Shoes: Encourage understanding by considering the other person’s perspective. Empathizing helps in seeing situations from different angles.Acknowledge Emotions: Emotions play a significant role. Acknowledge the feelings of both parties involved in the conversation.
- Effective CommunicationActive Listening: Practice active listening to truly understand the other person's point of view. It shows respect and genuine interest in their feelings.Non-Verbal Cues: Pay attention to body language and facial expressions. They often convey emotions that words might not express.
- ForgivenessLetting Go: Understand that forgiveness is a process of letting go of anger and resentment. It doesn’t mean condoning the behavior but allows for healing.Healthy Boundaries: Discuss setting boundaries. Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating repeated harmful behavior. Boundaries are essential for self-care.
- Cultivating GraceSelf-Reflection: Encourage self-reflection about times when grace was given or received. Personal stories can make the concept relatable.Practice Gratitude: Gratitude enhances the ability to give grace. Discuss the power of gratitude in cultivating empathy and understanding.
- Challenges and MisunderstandingsConflict Resolution: Address how giving grace can be a valuable tool in resolving conflicts. It allows for open dialogue and finding common ground.Common Misconceptions: Address misconceptions about grace, such as it being a sign of weakness. Emphasize its strength in promoting understanding and harmony.
- Encourage Self-CompassionBeing Kind to Oneself: Discuss the importance of self-compassion. People can only give grace to others if they are kind and forgiving to themselves.
- Practice and PatienceBaby Steps: Changing one’s mindset takes time. Encourage small acts of grace in everyday interactions.Patience and Perseverance: Acknowledge that giving grace might be challenging, especially in certain situations. Patience with oneself is crucial.
- Reflect on Personal ExperiencesShare Stories: Personal anecdotes about giving or receiving grace can make the conversation more engaging and relatable.Lessons Learned: Discuss lessons learned from past experiences. What worked and what didn’t? How did giving grace affect the relationship dynamics?
- Encourage Open-Ended QuestionsAsk Thoughtful Questions: Use open-ended questions to encourage deeper discussions. For example, “How do you think practicing grace can improve our relationships?”
Remember, having a conversation about giving grace requires a respectful and open atmosphere. People may have different viewpoints, and it's essential to approach the discussion with empathy and a willingness to understand diverse perspectives.
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Today on another episode of The Dad Den series, we welcome good friend and single father Anthony Mendoza. Mendoza has been a co-parent for his son’s entire life, and he wears the badge of father with great pride. He is a coach and social media influencer, and he strives every day to be a better person. He lives with the mindset that doing our best is not just a desire, but a calling.
Mendoza’s faith and fatherhood ground him, giving him a great purpose, and an ongoing place to work from. If he were to describe his love for coaching in another way, it would be a purpose to father the fatherless. Armed with a passion to build upon the strength of today, and every day leading up to today, Anthony is relentless in understanding that failure is part of the process, giving us the power to persevere toward greatness rather than hold us back.
To quote Anthony, “Resilient to know the outcome matters, that there are people in my faith and due to my fatherhood that are relying on me to be my best self and fulfill my purpose; because of that, I WILL NOT leave a ‘what if’ behind.”
Join us as we talk about family, love, friendship, and more, and how those things can be viewed through lenses that don’t always have a specific, required hierarchy. The reality is, family sometimes is constructed through our values and experiences, and love can always be available in abundance.
You can find Anthony Mendoza influencing on social media at the following:
- Threads
- 1st Phorm
From Anthony’s profiles:
Just a Dad and a coach | Taking the Why from the What | 1 Timothy 4:7-8 | Fail Forward
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Today the Dads welcome Keriann Long, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach, to discuss dating and relationships. What does compatibility mean in dating, and how does being a father change how one seeks a compatible partner? We discuss the importance of expressing your wants and needs in dating, the timing of expressing them, and what those needs and wants could look like. Communicating our needs instead of avoiding them over concerns we might have is essential early on, because those concerns won’t go away. We even ask the question, can we work through incompatibility?
Keriann talks with us about the importance of getting uncomfortable, vulnerable, and being honest. She helps us dive into attachment styles and boundaries, and how even an anxious attachment style can successfully pair with an avoidant style (hint: communicate those needs, folks!).
Keriann Long is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and dating coach, and considers herself “modern therapist,” believing that her patients are the experts of their own lives. She uses her knowledge to help guide her patients to their own answers in an informal, down-to-earth, and relatable way. She has a Master of Science in Counseling Psychology degree, and after grad school, she became certified in EMDR. She works with adults, teens, families, and parents of young children. You can find her at the following:
- https://www.therapywithkeriann.com/
- https://www.coachingwithkeriann.com/
- Coaching with Keriann on Instagram
- Find Your Person with Keriann Long on Facebook
- Keriann Long on Facebook
- Therapy with Keriann on Instagram
As always, thank you for your support. For more, please check out theadhdads.com.
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Today the Dads welcome Richard Ziegler to discuss the call to fatherhood, and sometimes the demands of life making that call sooner than we anticipated. Richard openly and honestly shares his story of redemption, which started when he was only a teenager. At the age of 16, he took his first kids under his wing through adoption. How, might you ask, is this kind of story even possible! Join us as we discuss this and so much more—including intergenerational trauma and overcoming one's demons—on this second episode of the Dad Den series.
As always, thank you for your support, and please check us out at theadhdads.com, where we provide more content and quality coaching to help you live your best life through service to yourself and your loved ones.
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Today the Dads talk about failing with finesse. Failing with finesse is the art of failing gracefully and professionally. It means accepting responsibility for your mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. It also means being mindful of how your failure affects others and taking steps to minimize the impact.
Here are some tips on how to fail with finesse:
- Own your mistake. Don't make excuses or try to blame others. Be honest about what you did wrong and why.
- Apologize to those affected. This shows that you take your mistake seriously and that you're committed to making things right.
- Learn from your mistake. Take some time to reflect on what happened and why. What could you have done differently? How can you avoid making the same mistake in the future?
- Make it right. If possible, take steps to fix the damage caused by your mistake. This may involve redoing work, repaying money, or simply apologizing again.
- Move on. Don't dwell on your failure. Once you've learned from it and made things right, it's time to move on.
Here are some additional tips for failing with finesse:
- Be honest and transparent. Don't try to hide your failure or sugarcoat it. The sooner you're honest about what happened, the sooner you can start to move forward.
- Be humble. Don't make excuses or try to downplay your mistake. Be humble enough to admit that you made a mistake and that you're learning from it.
- Be positive. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Don't dwell on your failure or let it get you down. Instead, focus on what you can do to fix the situation and learn from your mistake.
- Be resilient. Failure is a part of life. Everyone fails at some point. The important thing is to learn from your failures and keep moving forward.
It's important to remember that failure is not the end of the world. It's simply an opportunity to learn and grow. By failing with finesse, you can show others that you're mature, responsible, and committed to success.
There's so much more ground to cover on failing with finesse, and the Dads are merely scratching the surface in today's episode. Please join the conversation and let us know how you have learned to brilliantly fail and grow. For more great content, and to sign up for coaching, visit theadhdads.com. And as always, thank you for the support.
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On today’s episode of The ADHDads, we have the honor of spending time with an everyday expert: our friend and fellow father, Alex Lee. We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes a village.” What does that mean in today’s digital age of distant connections? The Dads talk about how coming together in a mastermind community is part of creating that village, where we can learn from each other, challenge each other, and grow daily as dads. In addition, the Dads discuss how learning from past trauma and relationships as well as from their own kids results in family and fatherly core values that provide psychological safety. The Dads speak honestly about how including our littles in the family mantra and vision shows a desire for open and safe communication and understanding.
How do you listen and understand your kids while being their parent? Join the Dads in this hopeful episode about the next generation, because we, as a village, are learning to raise our kids for the greater years to come. As always, thank you for your support, and please check out more at theadhdads.com.
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September is Healthy Aging Month, and the Dads share in today’s episode their whys in their journey to aging healthy. From early childhood thoughts and beliefs about physical appearance and external influence, to showing up for their families today in the healthiest ways, it’s a deep talk on why physical and emotional fitness means so […]
Shell Mendelson is an ADHD career coach who has trained with Richard Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute? She helps adults with ADHD navigate career decisions and transitions. She has an invaluable resource coming out in the form of a workbook titled A Course for ADHD Adults and Teens: Unlock Your Career Path. Mendelson has been on numerous podcasts and helps individuals unlock their purpose and discover true happiness in their careers. This week the Dads pick Shell’s brain about what this process looks like, and how she helps adults with ADHD unlock their potential.
For more episodes and other content, check out TheADHDads.com. And thanks for the support!
shell.mendelson@gmail.com
Website
https://passiontocareer.com
Books
https://passiontocareer.com/author-page-2/
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Shell Mendelson is an ADHD career coach who has trained with Richard Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute? She helps adults with ADHD navigate career decisions and transitions. She has an invaluable resource coming out in the form of a workbook titled A Course for ADHD Adults and Teens: Unlock Your Career Path. […]
This week the guys talk about “asking for help.” Why do we have such a hard time as men asking for help? Are you a Han Solo kind of guy or more of a Yoda? Do you tend to lone wolf it like Boba Fett? What kind of support and army do you have behind you when it comes time to do battle with yourself? Are they people who build you up, or tear you down? Listen to CJ’s story of sobriety, mistakes, and lessons along the way in this vulnerable look into how we can be intentional and change who we show up as.
For more content and other full episodes check out TheADHDads.com.
And thanks for the support!
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/theadhdads/support
What’s the myth that you’ve told yourself about how you came to be? What’s your grand story? Join us as we take a deep dive into the stories we tell ourselves, and what that narrative does about our outlook and our own introspection, as well as the survival of our relationships, and how we can help those relationships thrive rather than be swallowed up in despair.
You receive a text from your spouse that says you need to call immediately. What is the story you tell yourself? How do you interpret that message?
Do you see a time of challenge as an opportunity for redemption? Listen and find ways to come out of the tunnel, into the light, in a powerful way, strengthening the love you share with the people who matter most.
We create stories to help understand who we are, and we can modify those stories in an attempt to continue to define our current and future state. For example, let’s say I land my “dream job,” and it’s one I and my family celebrate as a bright and hopeful light for today and our foreseeable future. Then, over time, I find out that the job is not only challenging in ways I didn’t anticipate, but it also is consuming more time than I envisioned. If stresses at home become overwhelming, and my marriage is suffering, I might then change the story about landing the job as one that resulted in my marriage falling apart. A story is often not fixed within, but can take on a decisive form, which can lead to us making real decisions based on that current and assumptive narrative.
So what can we do to create some great depth to our stories within? How do our experiences and connections help us with our internal narrative?
We all have experienced that “Aha!” moment many times. That often is a result of the story we tell ourselves pairing up and complementing with additional information we receive rather than simply conjure up. Or the “Aha!” moments happen because we/our stories are challenged by another narrative.
To be blunt, when we reject tribalism, or confirmation bias, we find that the stories we tell ourselves can be challenged in very productive and powerful ways. For example, if my relationship is in a state of tumult, and I’ve been telling myself or have been told that I have every reason to maintain my position and feelings, the narrative within is struggling for an opportunity to grow and be modified. But if I allow for my story to evolve through curiosity, I’m opening up the opportunity for resolve and deeper connection. My identity story isn’t being stripped away, but rather breaking new ground, or at least enriching the soil, whether that relationship be moving into a new phase of conflict or peace. It furthers our story. It can solidify the narrative as well as move it in the direction of understanding external influence.
Our stories are resources for mental well-being. We tap into them to understand life and make decisions. If they’re affirming, they can strengthen our confidence. If things are tough, changing the story to be something good can be a little self-defeating. So living in the moment, sometimes, is a safe choice, because meaning can shift.
When our stories within are empowering, we most likely will have a sense of emotional wellbeing. When we operate out of cynicism, and we feel like we don’t have much control, we are more likely to associate those stories with negative outcomes. If we have strong connections attached to our stories, we find hope. Redemptive stories are often a result of overcoming adversity or suffering. All of those stories are a part of the human experience, most often shared, so our identity is found in relationships.
As always, thank you for joining us on our journey. Please subscribe and rate and review our podcast. We would be so humbled by your support. For more, please check out theadhdads.com.
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This week the guys talk about the importance of connecting with our partners, even in times of trial and chaos. Connection and intimacy doesn't have to stop because life gets crazy. Tune in to see what kind of tools and techniques the dads use in times of hardship. We want to have strong connections built for when things fall apart, and that doesn’t mean trying to figure it out when it all hits the fan. The guys give great advice on what works for them and some strategies they’ve learned along the way. Don’t miss it, and thanks for all of your support.
You can find more content and other full episodes available at TheADHDads.com.
Book
ADHD 2.0 by Edward Hallowell
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We have an incredibly inspiring guest on the show today: Grace Casper. Grace became a child of divorce at age eight. By age 10, she had already written her first manuscript draft for her book. Ever since, she’s had a mission to help families through the process of divorce. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids, which involves active social media engagement, sending out emails to parents, and hosting her podcast, Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew. The podcast is the first of its kind, which discusses the divorce process from the kids’ perspective. As a divorced father myself, and Colton being from a divorced home, we greatly appreciate Grace and her guests’ bravery and courage to serve the children and parents of divorce.
Grace is a Baylor University alumni; however, her hometown in Colorado will forever have her heart. When Grace isn’t creating content about divorce, she works as a full-time elementary school librarian (that’s way freaking cool, by the way!). She lives in Waco, TX with her tiny Maltipoo, Teddy (Yay, I have two dogs very similar to Teddy!), and two of her best friends.
Grace has lovingly written a book with practical wisdom and a compassionate heart, titled Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce. Grace and the Dads discuss many of her tips for parents, the mission she was called to at a young age, and the questions we ask ourselves, our parents, and our children through the journey of divorce and beyond. We all know and love someone affected by divorce, if we haven't been involved directly. Kids have a lot to say, and we fathers should listen. This is an episode you won't want to miss.
Show Notes
Divorce Tips from Kids website
Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew Podcast
Grace Casper | Divorce from the Kids' Perspective on Instagram
Divorce Tips from Kids on Facebook
Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew on YouTube
Recommendations
Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy
Screamfree Parenting by Hal Runkel
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Ayanna Davis is a phenomenal woman, artist and illustrator, author, fashion designer, and autism advocate. She spent most of her life unaware that she was on the Autism spectrum. As you will hear, the evaluation process for Ayanna was quite thorough, and it provided her with the opportunity to understand herself and her natural gifts more. She has devoted her efforts to understanding autism and utilizing her natural gifts to show how phenomenal she is. As part of her advocacy, Ayanna is determined to strengthen the voice of the diverse community of people who have autism, because autism is found in all cultures, races, and belief systems. You can follow Ayanna, who proclaims herself “Phenomenally Autistic,” on most social media platforms.
Today, Ayanna discusses her art, the support of her family, the power in understanding the gifts we are blessed with, how being autistic led her on a path to where she is today, and more. Ayanna’s story is an inspiring and uplifting one you won’t want to miss.
As always, thank you so much for your support. If you are interested in learning more about The ADHDads and what we do, visit theadhdads.com. We offer life coaching, supporting you on your journey to your best self. If you like what you hear, please write a review and subscribe. If you would like to support the future of the show, please consider making a donation. We are forever grateful.
Phenomenally Autistic Links
TikTok
Author page on Amazon
Link Tree
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This week CJ brings an exercise to talk to our spouses. Too often we go into heated discussions without establishing healthy boundaries. We talk about how to establish rules for fighting within a relationship. How to have healthy discussions and practice empathy while communicating. The difference between healthy and unhealthy consequences in a relationship and the difference between rules and boundaries. If you have ever wanted a better way of fighting, then you won’t want to miss this episode.
You can email us for the "How To Establish Rules of Engagement" document. It is a free resource we would love to share. Email us contact@theadhdads.com for more info, or sign up on our website, theadhdads.com.
Thank you always for your support and love. If you’d like to donate to the show, you can do so through the support option in the episode description, or by visiting theadhdads.com. We also are soon offering some powerful tools to help you show up better for yourself, and your loved ones. And if you’d like someone in your corner to encourage and challenge you, sign up for a free coaching consultation today at theadhdads.com.
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Rules versus boundaries: what’s the difference between the two? Do we have an understanding of rules and boundaries in relationships, and are we applying them correctly and safely? Today, the dads discuss recent news about weaponizing therapy terms like boundaries, and how stating a boundary can be used as a weapon of manipulation and/or control. […]
This week the Dads discuss emotional safety and what it each means to them in their own families. Dynamics can often be different but tune in this week to see how love, validation, and curiosity are often the most powerful way to connect with and create emotional safety for our loved ones. We want our […]
John Kovaleski is the creator of the comic strip “Daddy Daze”. It details John’s experience as a new and divorced father. It started in 2018 and although John’s son has grown out of infant phase, his comic strip still details the struggles, rewards, lessons, and hurdles that come along with parenting. He’s had write-ups about in him USA Today, Huffington Post and we brought John on today to see what inspired him to create this comic and how life lessons inspire the content.
Links
https://comicskingdom.com/daddy-daze
http://www.kovaleski.com
daddydazecomic
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Summertime is here! This can be a challenging time for parents, or one where epic memories are created. Tune in to see how the dads manage their Summer Schedules. Learn from the mistakes, and get inspired by some of the tools we use for our neurodiverse kiddos! If you plan on making it out alive, […]
This week the Dads talk about big life transitions. How do we show up for our loved ones when life throws us big curveballs? Moving or changing schools can be a big undertaking, for not only our little ones, but for us parents. As both Dads have recent experience with this, they are dedicated to talk it out and share some powerful moments that help them navigate these moments with the kids. You won't want to miss this week. If you are in a place where tomorrow seems uncertain, then tune in.
For more content and other full episodes make sure to check out TheADHDads.com.
And thanks for the support!
Books
The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
The Book of Joy by Douglas Abrams
Note: We're aware of the audio sounding like we're speaking from tin cans, and we're getting it fixed!
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Jeremy Roadruck is the founder of the podcast “Success Beyond The BS.” He is a life coach who is helping men overcome life’s hardships. He helps them define their goals and intentions, and helps couples rebuild trust, love, and communication. He’s been featured on many media outlets and is also a speaker, teacher, and author. […]
Coach Ray King is an online fitness coach. He helps men get back to a healthy mindset with not only their fitness but also their mentality, and he helps polish and fine tune life skills to help create better men, fathers, and leaders. He is here today to share his story. The theme today is “My Mess Is My Message.” Tune in to hear one father’s story of redemption on how he took a crumbling marriage and used the skills he teaches to find a way back to a beautiful marriage. You won't want to miss this one!
Thanks for all of the support.
For more content and other full episodes check out TheADHDads.com.
Books:
The Book of Joy by Douglas Abrams
Links to Ray King:
Instagram: RayKing.SavageDad
Facebook: Ray King
Fitness Coaching Application
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The Dads dive into how to handle crisis mode during unexpected emergencies or trauma. As CJ’s oldest battles Kawasaki in the hospital, he discusses what has been helpful for maintaining calm within the family unit during periods of uncertainty and high stress. Those curveballs in life come out of nowhere. How will you show up during the tough times? We would love to hear your input. Have you experienced a family crisis? How did you show up for your wife and kids, and what techniques did you use to get through it?
Make sure to check out more content and full episodes at TheADHDads.com.
Thanks for your support!
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Ben Killoy is The Dad Coach. He helps dads create a lasting feeling of change, and help them grow through generational trauma by redefining the definition of living. He helps men navigate through their lives and teaches “Scream-Free Parenting Techniques.'' He has been working in the coaching space for the last six years, and is here today to share his experiences and insights to help men grow their families into intentional, and generational success. This is a very special episode you don't want to miss. If you are looking to level up your parenting and learn some new techniques and perspectives, then this episode is a must!
Recommended Reading:
Scream Free Parenting
Ben Killoys Website: https://benkilloy.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ben_killoy/
Facebook: benkilloydadcoach
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI3OElVF8z2p2BpIN2h6Z1w
Twitter: https://twitter.com/benkilloy
Email: ben@benkilloy.com
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In this episode CJ and JJ discuss the power of curiosity. Oftentimes as parents we aim to fix, solve, and give our opinions in life. Reframing our conversations in the form of questions and curiosity we practice empathy and love. Tune in to see how to show up for your loved ones in an impactful way that is sure to strengthen connection and open communication. We dive into how to ask questions, how to respond, and what questions to ask when our partners or kids are in crisis mode. Learn how to have a “Yes Day” without ever telling your kids, and see the impact it has on your relationship. Curiosity is a powerful force for growth, learning, and understanding. You won’t want to miss this week’s episode. For more content and other full episodes, make sure to check out our theadhdads.com. Thanks for the support!
Bullet Points:
- Have a yes day without telling your kids.
- Reframing all statements into questions.
- “How would you…”
- “What do you think we should do…”
- “What ways do you think would be helpful?”
- “What steps should we take?”
- Give kids options, not consequences. Let them make choices based on their statements.
- “Well remember you said, you wanted to do this, if we do that, then we wouldn’t have time to do this.”
- “You said this, AND That, which one is more important to you?”
- “Do you think we will be able to get to that with the other things you said you wanted to do?”
The more curious we are about a topic, the easier it is to remember not only information about that topic, but also other unrelated information shown at the same time.
What’s going on in our brains when our curiosity kicks in?
- We become better learners. And that learning can last. We call our attention to something specific when we act out of curiosity, and that leads to prolonged learning of that subject.
- We recall more of our surroundings at the time of that learning and curiosity. More information is absorbed.
- The hippocampus, which is associated with memory, experiences more activity.
- Dopamine reward pathway is stimulated, resulting in motivation, which sparks a complex system of processes in our brains, one of which being the hippocampus.
Resources
Never Split the Difference
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Today we discuss ADHD evaluations, executive function, time management, lifestyle, and more.
Dr. Carey Heller is a licensed psychologist and founding partner of Heller Psychology Group, located in Bethesda, Maryland. He specializes in the evaluation and treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), executive function issues, learning disabilities, and related items including anxiety.
This episode is incredibly valuable for anyone discovering their superpower of ADHD, and what to consider as next steps once an evaluation has been made. There's a lot of paths one can take, whether you are a parent of a child with ADHD, you yourself have recently been diagnosed, or you are simply curious about the benefits of time management and executive functioning skills.
Important Links
- Heller Psychology Group ADHD & Executive Functioning Coaching Services
- chadd.org
Recent Articles
- How Would a Professional Approach Treating an Adult with ADHD? Attention Magazine October 2022
- ADHD Goes to Camp, Too: Featured in the April 2022 Edition of Washington Parent Magazine
- Executive Function Issues and ADHD: Featured in the April 2022 Edition of Attention Magazine
- Study Skills for Thriving with ADHD: Featured in the October 2021 Edition of Attention Magazine
- View complete list of articles
Additional Articles/Blogs
- Practical Parenting Strategies with Dr. Heller
- Goodtherapy.org ADHD Topic Expert Blog Posts
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This week we continue our discussion on ADHD Evaluations for CJ and his 8 year old. Updating our listeners on where we are along our journey is important to us. Check out this episode if you are considering getting evaluated or getting your little one started in the process. This episode contains some encouragement and tools to think about as you start your own journey. We appreciate your time and support. Please check out more content and other full episodes at theadhdads.com.
The Disruptors: https://disruptorsfilm.com
ADD and ADHD websites and information:
www.CHADD.org
https://www.brainbalancecenters.com
https://www.additudemag.com
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Kamini Wood is a life coach empowering her clients to take back control of their lives by helping them identify their needs, helping to set boundaries, learn communication skills and styles, and mindset shifts to uncover their full potential. She is the host of the podcast RiseUp: Live Joy Your Way, and is an author of the books Doing Your Best, and Om: Life’s Gentle Reminders. She joins the ADHDads today to discuss anxiety and how it shows up in our lives and in the lives of our kids, what tools and methods we can use as parents, and how we can help our kids. She also talks about toxic work environments and what kinds of questions we can ask to identify this dynamic and how we can plan for mindset shifts, career changes, and healthy communication in the workplace. Kamini is a wife, a mother of five, an author, and a life coach. You won’t want to miss this very special episode. If you are interested in more content, tools, resources, and parenting help, please visit our website TheADHDads.com.
Visit Kamini Wood's website
Kamini Wood on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram
RiseUp: Live Joy Your Way podcast
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There’s a saying that goes, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
Do we tend to base our happiness on fulfilled expectations?
- If left unfulfilled, are we resentful or angry?
- Is there a good reason for our having the expectations we have?
- You can only control yourself, so setting expectations for others and the world can result in disappointment and self-defeat.
Managing expectations is never easy, but add the stress of family vacation onto expectations and you can have a pressure cooker for meltdowns. This week the Dads share their experiences after wrapping up a vacation together. See how the ADHDads navigated the theme parks and managed groups mishaps, hunger fits, dehydration, and neurodivergent kids in the “happiest place on earth.” This is a lighthearted and fun episode where we explore our roles as dads, and we’ll have you laughing and relating to the ever complex nature of this thing we call fatherhood.
Tips for vacationing with kids with ADHD
- Get excited, but within reason
- Create a schedule
- Prepare the kids mentally by talking about some of the plans
- Create a set of rules, and stick to them
-
Make sure the rules align with those that you would have at home
-
Make sure you still make time for rest!
- What makes your child happy, special, and loved? Continue to support that during vacation.
References
- Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
- Never Finished by David Goggins
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Today we talk with certified Life Coach Pete Beskas about anger management, communication techniques, and tools to help people to work through their emotions to show up better for themselves and their loved ones. We previously discussed anger on The ADHDads, and based on your feedback, we knew diving even deeper on anger and its effects on our lives was necessary. Tune in to learn about the evolution of change within ourselves to overcome our anger.
A big question we discuss in this episode: Why do you have to be right? Find out how positive life disruptions create change from within to be healthier without.
Pete Beskas is the host of a podcast called “Tools for the Modern Man.” He has a consulting business where he coaches men and dads on how to live more meaningful and connected lives to their families, and peers. His mission is to help modern men overcome the challenges and ingrained beliefs that are preventing them from enjoying their careers, their families and their lives. He helps men take back the control and freedom that they crave by focusing on bringing men tools and information from other coaches, therapists, and leaders within communities to give men the best shot they have at living behind a legacy of greatness. He helps men deal with anger and helps them to understand our own emotions better, through intentional curriculum and methods.
petebeskas.com
Pete Beskas on Facebook
“Tools for the Modern Man” on Apple Podcasts
Anger as discussed on Better Help
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This week the guys talk about extreme ownership. What does it mean to practice extreme ownership? For one, it means thinking of our own contributions to a situation or conversation before anyone else’s, resulting in self-analysis before creating a story in our heads about the other participant(s) and what they might be thinking. The benefit of extreme ownership results in curiosity about ourselves as well as the people we interact with by creating pause, and calling on us to pay attention to what we did in the exchange to influence the outcome.
How do we show up when we’ve made mistakes, and what lessons can be learned? This is difficult as a parent, so how do we help our kids with these same lessons? Especially children who have ADHD! Tune in as the guys share stories on how taking responsibility can lead to growth, and what better way to show our kids how it’s done by showing up. Check out at theadhdads.com.
It takes time to understand your partner’s interpretation of things because of who they are and have been throughout life. Partners can trigger trauma, but they can’t solve the historical trauma. Can we both be right because of our interpretation? What does initiating the awareness of a problem look like in a relationship, and what can a couple do? Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing. Do we have the desire to honor the concept of marriage or coupleship?
In this episode, Dr. Vince Horan discusses The Sacred Crucible of Marriage. What it’s capable of is only as good as the self-awareness, maturity, and confidence of each partner. Living with your partner 24/7 will bring up unresolved traumas. You can share your story as an initial step in counseling. Then, commit to go through the process. How are you communicating? Do you have the tools and the desire? Vince talks about the recycling of traumas, and how we can push past them to heal and communicate with our partner.
This special episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to understand themselves and their partner, and also serves as a great introduction to becoming your best self for your current or future partner. Be sure to check out Horan Counseling Services if you want to dive deeper and thrive in your relationships.
Please like, subscribe, and connect with us by visiting theadhdads.com. You can rate, review, and subscribe on your favorite platform. Please consider writing a review as it helps others connect with the show.
References and Resources
Russell Brand’s Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions
The Sacred Crucible of Marriage video on YouTube
Horan Counseling Services (Facebook)
Email: VinceHoran@comcast.net
Phone Number: 253-536-9161
Be curious. Be humble.
On this week’s episode, the dads dive deep into what it was like for each of them to have ADHD growing up. This is a great discussion on how ADHD presents itself in childhood and adulthood. CJ updates us on his evaluation process while JJ shares experiences from his childhood. If you have a neurodiverse child, you are definitely not going to want to miss this one. Thanks for the support and make sure to check out our homepage for other teasers and full episodes at theadhdads.com.
The Disruptors Film website
ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell (Author), John J. Ratey (Author), Fred Sanders (Narrator), Random House Audio (Publisher)
ADHD: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Mark L. Wolraich MD FAAP (Author), Joseph F. Hagan MD FAAP (Author), Andre Bellido (Narrator), Tantor Audio (Publisher)
NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment
CDC Statistics
Jason Palmer is the host of the podcast Foster Care Nation. This week he joins the ADHDads for a special look inside his life as a foster dad. The secret to the success of his home is easy—it’s love. We discuss why loving kids that aren’t blood is just easy. This episode is one for the books, with great insight into creating a blended family that is sure to resonate. This is what building legacy looks like. Check out this and other full episodes at theADHDads.com, and thanks for your support.
Victor Frankl
Man’s Search For Meaning
Foster Care Nation website
Follow Jason Palmer on Facebook
Dating after divorce is not easy. Divorce is hard. Divorce when you have children is even harder. Colton and J.J. discuss their own experiences in dating after divorce. We dive into some pretty touchy topics this week:
- What should the timeframe look like between your divorce and when you start dating again?
- If you have kids, how soon should you consider introducing your children to your dating partner?
- Leaving what you experienced in the past will best serve your dating partner. The uncoupling process is challenging.
- Understand yourself and your values, and be honest up front to ensure a healthier relationship. Your identity is a gift to you and your future dating partner.
- Trust is complicated, but it's a mutual experience. If you expect a new dating partner to earn your trust, then you are placing them at a deficit. Guarding your heart sounds wise, but what position are you putting your dating partner in when you are guarded?
And that's just the tip of the iceberg! Dating after divorce is a continued journey in knowing your best self so you can find your loving, lasting life partner.
What are your thoughts on dating after divorce? What has worked or hurt in your dating journey? We'd love to hear from you. Thank you for your ongoing support.
Sandy Hurd is our special guest this week. She has spent her entire professional career in child therapy. Today she discusses ADHD, and how art and play therapy can be used to connect with our kids.
You might sometimes ask yourself, how do I get my ADHD child to listen? What do I need to do to help my ADHD child be more attentive? We dive into different ADHD resources, techniques, and communication tactics to better understand our neurodivergent kiddos. Learn how letting your kids dictate play can make all the difference. Check out theadhdads.com for more, and as always, thank you for your support!
Sometimes I Drive My Mother Crazy, But I Know She’s Crazy About Me
By Lawrence E. Shapiro (Author), Timothy Parrotte (Illustrator)
CDC statistics and information on ADHD
Visit Sandy Hurd’s website
Brain Scan image (normal vs. hyperactive)
Anger: We all experience this emotion. It's described as being a sudden violent displeasure, but what does that really look like? What triggers anger in us? Is anger something we're predetermined to have within, is it learned, or is it possibly both? Do we have anger because we experience love and struggle? What does it look like to peel back the layers and years to address and learn to deal with our trauma?
We discuss the power and pain associated with anger, how anger plays a role in working with ADHD, and our basic understanding of the role of anger in our lives. Just like other powerful emotions, we discuss the benefits of using anger to grow and mature in order to strengthen our relationships, and find humility. While it's easy to suggest that anger is undesired, we would suggest it is vital to a successful life.
If you want to dive deeper into harnessing the positive forces behind your own anger, please get in touch with us for a consultation. We believe that everyone is capable of greatness, even through reflection on our anger.
Show Notes
Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel
How to Control Your Anger Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis Ph.D. and Raymond Chip Tafrate PhD
Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink
How To Manage a Meltdown by Lisa Damour, PhD (PDF)
What are your core values? How do you apply your core values in your parenting and other relationships? Today, we talk about how our core values have helped elevate and strengthen our relationships, and provide some thoughts on how you can identify and develop your own core values.
Notes
Core Values Exercise
In episode two of the ADHDads podcast, we tell our stories of co-parenting. Co-parenting is a challenging blessing we are called to succeed at if we are in a shared custody partnership. How do you have a successful co-parenting relationship? Listen to our story, and please reach out to us if you have questions or would be interested in some one-on-one coaching time to help you achieve the next level of love and success in your co-parenting relationship.
Show NotesNever Split the Difference by Chris Voss
The Co-Parenting Handbook by Karen Bonnell and Kristin Little
Co-Parenting Works! by Tammy Daughtry
Make Peace With Anyone by David J. Lieberman
In the pilot episode of The ADHDads, we introduce ourselves and our lives, talk about our families, and explain the role ADHD has in our lives. As you'll hear, we look at ADHD as a superpower—a gift of neurodivergence. Why is ADHD a gift? We will discuss the reasons why, and more, in this episode and the many to follow.
Episode NotesCDC Statistics about ADHD
Recovery by Russell Brand