Jumble: Recent Episodes
Sidney
jumbled thoughts. jumbled feelings. jumbled life. Sidney has some thoughts that she wants to share. Does she know what those thoughts are yet? No. But feel free to join her as she goes about trying to figure it all out.
This episode is a brutally honest audio diary with reflections on my first few weeks living abroad in Scotland. There have been beautiful sights to see and tears cried on random benches. But overall, I'm so excited to see where life takes me.
It took me six months to come to terms with the fact that I was being sexually harassed. It's something that can be ambiguous to the point where victim blaming becomes commonplace and the perpetrator can never truly face consequences that satisfy anyone. It left me with a bitter taste in my mouth that I'm still processing to this day and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly recover from it or if it will be a trauma I carry with me forever.
TW: descriptions of harassment
In this episode I talk about the nuances of heart break and the impact it can have on your daily life. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should be sad that it's over but glad that it happened or if I should be sad that it happened but glad that it's over.
Even when life feels bleak there's always more out there for you to experience. Life has a lot left in store for you. And even if you don't understand when or how you'll get there, I know that you'll understand in the end.
In this episode, I'm reviewing Lightlark by Alex Aster and having a great time doing it. I missed reading fantasy books lately and this book definitely did not disappoint. It made me spiral emotionally and maybe even reginited my trust issues but it was so worth it.
I got my heartbroken and I don't know what to do about it. But I'm figuring it out I think, very clumsily, but forward progress is better than no progress at all.
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In this episode I'm taken on a rollercoaster of happy, sad, angry emotions as I review Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid. In this book chock full of racial undertones and complicated relationships, I find myself empathizing with the experiences of another lost and confused young black woman.
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In this episode, I read my own writing and reminisce on why it is that I write in the first place.
link to anthology: https://girlswritenow.org/2023anthology/
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I got rejected and it sucks. It doesn't suck as much as I thought it would, but regardless, it still sucks.
link to gradcafe: https://www.thegradcafe.com/
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To end off Black History Month with a bang I read Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan and each time I read a book by a Black author I find myself more enthralled by the ways they articulate concepts that I've grappled with for my entire life. Sometimes I've been grappling with them without even being conscious of it. I love seeing myself represented in stories but I love seeing my life represented in stories even more.
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Grad school results are coming out soon and it's all I can think about. Will I get rejected and cry on the floor for the next 10 business days? Can I even fantasize about getting acceptance without inevitably getting my heart shattered? Either way there's only two outcomes: rejection or acceptance. And only time will tell.
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I made some resolutions sure that the new year would be the perfect time to fulfill them, but it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Anyways, all I can do is keep trying everyday until I get it right.
youtube video: https://youtu.be/bFfKJkBOcis
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Sometimes I feel like I let my hair define who I am as a Black woman or even just as a person too much. To the point where it impacts my mental health. Hair depression sucks and I wish it didn't control my perception of beauty as much as it does.
Hair Depression Defined by Mane Curator
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I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut these days. In this episode, I talk about the after effects that confrontation has on me because if it's one thing I've learned from confronting people it's that the hardest part of confrontation is not always the act itself.
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Are Black women the only women who don't have pretty privilege? From FKA Twigs and Suki Waterhouse comparisons to Meghan Markle's struggles in the Royal Family it feels like none of us can catch a break!!!! And I'm just tired.
FKA Twigs Quote
Suki Waterson Articles: Vanity Fair & Into The Gloss
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I used to hate showing emotions. It felt embarrassing, disgusting, and repulsive. But my real problem with emotions was that it felt too revealing. In this episode, I talk about my journey of allowing myself to be more vulnerable in life and all the ups and downs that come with it.
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Who doesn't love reading a short and sweet romcom in autumn? I for one am utterly obsessed with this genre so this week, I reviewed Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman. A mix of endearing, relatable, and romancey moments, this book stole my heart and I would gladly let it do it again.
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Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to write the next big thing and I forget why I started writing in the first place. In this episode I remind myself to write the things that make me laugh, cry, and cringe instead of trying to write what I think other people would want me to write.
visit the jumble podcast website!!!!
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I am obsessed with house plants. And like all people who are obsessed with house plants, I own an obscene amount of them. But, with my collection of plants that once brought me so much joy dying around me it's made me do some inner reflections on myself. Why is it so hard for me to get the motivation to do something I once loved so much?
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After reading Genki Kawamura's If Cats Disappeared From the World, I can safely say that my journey reading translated books has been very interesting so far. Tune in to both a non-spoiler and spoiler review of the book to hear my thoughts. And although this book wasn't exactly what I was expecting, I'm very much looking forward to reading my next translated book.
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I've only been in my twenties for two years and it's already beating the hell out of me. The highs are really high and the lows are really low, but I think as long as I wake up every day and try my best (whatever that ends up looking like on that day), I surely, hopefully am headed in the right direction.
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I haven't written a single creative word since May. I'm frustrated, disappointed, and confused because all I want to do is write and the only thing I spend my time not doing is writing. In this episode I try to get to the bottom of this ridiculous situation by talking it out.
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Failure is inevitable in life when you put yourself outside of your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean that it hurts any less... In this episode I grapple with failure once again along with the burnout that comes with working as hard as you can your entire life.
Lately I've been feeling so restricted by what people think I should be doing with my life. By what I think I should be doing in life. But I'm sick and tired of dealing with everyone's expectations of who or what I should be so I think I'm just going to live everyday aiming to be as happy as I can be with the life that I'm living.
bit.ly/jumblepod
tune in to my first ever 10/10 book review of Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi to learn more about the book that I will literally be thinking about until the day I die.
This week I reviewed Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros which has been all over my instagram feed lately. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about because people were ranting and raving over this book. I give a non-spoiler review and the beginning of the episode and a spoiler review at the end of the episode for those who have and haven't read the book.
A reader's worst nightmare is finally realizing that they are in a reading slump. It's the worst thing ever to realize that you don't find joy in the one thing that you used to look forward to everyday. From figuring out what causes reading slumps to brainstorming ways to escape them, this episode is all about what to do when it's a struggle to get through even one page in a book.
Links:
Reading Slumps Article
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having roommates in college is literally a roller coaster. Like a ride that you can't get off for literally 9 months. It'll make you scream, cry, and maybe even laugh. Either way you'll come out as a changed person, for better or worse lmao.
I feel some type of way about talking about my hobbies because it feels embarrassing to be associated with them. Once upon a time you got bullied for liking anime so naturally, I kept that side of my life to myself. In this episode I talk about distancing myself from my interest in reading, listening to Kpop, and watching anime or Kdramas.
Pick your poison: strangers to enemies to lovers? Or childhood friends to lovers to strangers? Mafia books, age gaps, amnesia, pregnancy, and forbidden love are inescapable tropes in books these days. Some are loved and some are hated, but why do we even care so much and are they limiting creativity in books as publishers increasingly focus on meeting the demand for trending tropes?
life after college is like some sort of weird limbo where it feels like you're just waiting for your real life to start. But what does that even mean? I mean, aren't we in our real adult life right now? Even if we don't have jobs or live on our own?
Instead of waiting for life to start, I think about the ways that we can enjoy the life we have right now instead of spending all this time worrying about what the future holds.
Links:
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The thought of dealing with my anxiety everyday makes me nauseous. How ridiculous is that? Feeling anxious about being anxious. Regardless of how ridiculous it is, in this episode I talk about the ways that anxiety impacts my daily life and I try to see if I can pinpoint the moment that it all began.
Links:
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Learning to love yourself is hard. And it's even harder to know where to start when trying to learn how to love yourself. In this episode, I talk about some steps that I took on the journey to loving myself with all of the embarrassing moments that accompany teaching yourself how to feel attractive.
links:
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Oh yeah! I'm reading more books by black authors and reviewing them. I had a whole lot to say about the book Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow in this episode as I discussed scenes in the book that shocked me to my core and others that left me wanting more (oh my gosh that rhymed).
links:
Coretta Scott King and Memphis NPR Article
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What is the difference between being alone and being lonely? Sometimes it feels like the line is so blurred that it makes it difficult for me to enjoy spending time by myself. But honestly, being alone is when I feel most at ease.
links:
https://www.16personalities.com/profile
bit.ly/jumblepod
Do what you need to do to protect your happiness.
Making sure that I protect my happiness sometimes requires confronting others by advocating for what is right or even just standing my ground when I tell my friends that I don't feel like going out today. Regardless of how major or minor each confrontation is, I always find myself dealing with a mix of anxiety and guilt that I can't seem to shake every time I end up in these situations.
Links:
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5 Basic Steps to Confrontation
I like reading romance books more than I would like to admit. Why do I feel kind of embarrassed to admit that reading romance novels is one of my favorite things to do these days?
Links:
Romance Novel Cover Trends Article
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Outgrowing a friendship is painful for everyone. It's painful if they've outgrown your friendship and you haven't. It's painful when you've outgrown it and they haven't. And somehow it's still painful even when everyone has outgrown it at the same time. But even amongst the discomfort that the pain brings during this time, there's also a sense of excitement when you realize that outgrowing a friendship means that you are one step closer to figuring out what kind of person that you want to be.
Links:
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There was a time when I was reputed by my reflection in the mirror because of my acne. I've worked really hard to come to a place when I feel more comfortable in my skin, but as I look back on my journey to get to this point I remember how difficult it was to get through each day knowing that I hated the way that I looked. In this episode, I give skin care recommendations, discuss the pros and cons of using accutane, and think about the effect that my acne had on my self-confidence.
Links:
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oh my god, I'm graduating college and I'm not following any of the plans that I laid out for myself when I was 17 years old. Suddenly I don't know the difference between what I actually want for my life and what I think I should want my life to be like and I'm literally having an existential crisis every 2 hours. The future is scary and exciting and I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm trying to go but god I hope that I get there in one piece.
Links:
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In an effort to read more books written by Black authors that feature Black characters (because for some reason this is something that I have to remind myself to intentionally seek out), I read 7 Days in June by Tia Williams. Listen to this episode for a non-spoiler review at the beginning of the episode with a spoiler review at the end of the episode where I do a deep dive into the memorable moments of the story.
Links:
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After years and years of talking about it, I finally got my first tattoo. It wasn't really the magical experience that I had envisioned, but it's one of those things that I think worked out exactly how it was supposed to.
Links:
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Failing at something can be devastating and lately it seems like I can't even go one month without it. This episode is all about perseverance even in, and especially in, the face of failure during those moments when all hope seems lost and all you really wanna do is sit on the floor and cry.
Links:
Why You Will Pick the Wrong Career Youtube Video
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Nobody wants to be a struggling artist. In this episode, I talk with Nigel Sandridge about how we can use our strengths as a creative people to our advantage and we talk about the mindset that we should have when going through the phases in life when your success as a creative person feels impossibly out of reach.
Jumble Website: bit.ly/jumblepod
Find Nigel at:
https://www.instagram.com/NoMargins_Media/
https://www.instagram.com/sensei_sand/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqWSKJA6UUnaciuhM7mk9OQ
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without academic validation. What kinds of things would make me feel proud? What would motivate me to work hard? In this episode ponder the implications of the murky water that encompasses academic validation.
Links:
Blog post: Overcoming the Need for Academic Validation
Tik Toks Mentioned: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRb4GQk3/, https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRb4EDLe/
Lately it seems like rejection is following me everywhere I go. It makes me question if I'm cut out for my dream careers and it makes me wonder it's a sign to give up before it's too late. Though the tears and self doubt, I find myself wondering how much more my determination will be tested before the day that the rejections become acceptances finally arrives.
Including father figure-like characters in my stories when writing always gives me a pause. As a writer that draws heavily for her own life to spin fictional stories, this weakness makes me feel a little bit like I’m lacking as a writer. In this episode, I explore the causes of this mental block and the larger cultural implications that it has on my writing.
Links:
What Are Daddy Issues?
When you go to a predominantly white institution for college as a person of color it’s pretty much a given that you’re gonna stand out everywhere you go. This episode is about the trials and tribulations of trying to find a space where you feel like you can be your true authentic self. You know, bonnet and all. It can be hard to find those people that really get you in college but when you do, it’s so worth the wait.
This month I discovered that writing a novel is hard as hell. It’s not necessarily a revolutionary discovery, but it somehow still surprised me when I went to write the first draft of my first novel. In this episode, I talk through the ups, the downs, and the just in the middle feelings of the entire process.
Links:
Elizabeth Acevedo Pep Talk
Jason Reynolds Pep Talk
After completing my first novel length draft, I’ve had some epiphanies about writing characters of color. It’s still difficult to create representation when you’ve consumed media that noticeably lacks diversity for most of your life, but throughout the writing process I’ve finally found ways to portray a character that's dripping in their own unique culture.
We’ve all been there at least once. By yourself on the holiday that reminds you at every turn just how alone you really are. When you’re surrounded by reminders that there’s no one to bring you flowers, is the solution to buy your own flowers? Or is it just to remind yourself that self love is the most important love? I don’t know, but what I do know is that no matter how secure you are in your singleness, being alone on valentine’s day is rarely fun.
Links:
Seventeen Article: 36 Things To Do When You're Alone on Valentine's Day
I wrote 1,667 words everyday for thirty days (or tried to anyway). During my experience of the National Novel Writing Month challenge I recorded everyday through the ups and downs of my first attempt to write a novel length story.
Sometimes people say things just don’t sit right with me. But I often find myself asking myself: was that actually racist or am I just overanalyzing it? Normally I would just tell myself to trust my gut, but navigating a predominantly white environment in my daily life always leaves me second guessing myself.
Links:
Microaggressions Chapter: So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Tik Tok: Angry Black Woman Stereotype
I tend to stress myself out by worrying about what the future holds. And sometimes, it gets to the point where it becomes unhealthy in the way that it's affecting my life. In this episode I talk about taking life one day at a time and remembering to appreciate the small moments of joy in everyday life.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid has been recommended to me a million times. And now that I’ve finally picked up my own copy of the famed book, I talk about if this book is worth reading, what excited me about this book, and what made me pause as I read.
Meeting the people that you’ve idolized is a surreal experience that not everyone is lucky enough to have. In this episode, I look back on the past with nostalgia as I reminisce about my experiences meeting authors like Sarah J Maas, Nicola Yoon, Jenny Han, and Kiera Cass.
In this episode, I do some research on where the members of Mindless Behavior, my favorite childhood boyband, are now and I wonder why, more often than not, black boy bands never seem to get the happily ever after that other boy bands get.
Links:
The Destination For All Things Mindless Behavior: Mindless Behavior Fandom Wiki
Article: Where Are Mindless Behavior Now?
Tik Tok:Beyonce Being Conceited
Rayan’s Interview: Rayan Talks About the End of MB Part 1 & 2, Rayan Talks About the End of MB Part 3 & 4
I have a fear of driving. And honestly, it’s embarrassing and I feel kind of ashamed when I think about it. Given that driving is a necessary evil in my life, I’ve had to find my own coping mechanisms to get me to the place where I need to be. But of course, facing this fear doesn’t occur without a few speed bumps along the way.
Kpop and Kdramas have taken the world by storm. And with this influx of Korean content, there is a lot to consider as more and more Black women (including myself) consume this content. How do these dramas portray Black people? How do they portray beauty? And where do Black women fit in this culture, when it sometimes seems like the culture wants nothing to do with them?
Links:
Korea Now Video: Are Dreadlocks Cultural Appropriation?
Elle Article: Culturally Insensitive Backstreet Rookie Clip
I love the increased representation that I’ve been seeing in the media lately. From cereal commercials to blockbuster movies, there has been a noticeable movement to feature a greater range of actors with different appearances. But I can’t help but notice the narrow box that Black women keep finding themselves in with the representation of only one kind of Black women. Why does this keep happening? And what does it say about us as a society?
Links:
Buzzfeed Article: Mixed Race Celebrities
Glamour Tiana Article: 2018 Disney Tiana Scandal
Color of Change: https://colorofchange.org
Tik Tok Video: Overmasculinization to Hyperfeminity
Being a Black woman is expensive. Especially when it comes to getting your hair done. Let’s talk about the costs of giving our hair the care it demands and the pressures we face to make sure that our hair looks perfect everyday.
Links:
Tiktok Sound:Embracing Your Hair in its Natural State
Elle Article: Natural Hair Shrinkage
Hairstylists Mentioned:Faux by Yonnie, Styles by Felicia, Pressed Roots
I’m finally taking that first step toward my dream of becoming a published author, but lately it seems like I doubt myself at every step of the way. Join me as I begin a journey with a destination that seems more out of my reach than ever.
Fingers trembling, heart hammering, and armpits sweating. Public speaking has no business being as stress-inducing as it is, but past speeches still haunt my memories. Why does public speaking make us feel this way? And how can we make it stop?
Links:
Glossophobia Article
WikiHow Article
I didn’t know how to comb my own natural hair until I was 18. A lot of Black girls can probably relate to the struggle of simultaneously learning to do and learning to love your natural hair. And while I was determined to learn how to take care of my natural curls, it wasn’t an easy road.
Find out your hair texture: Hair Texture Quiz
Do I hate my major? Yes. Is it too late to change my major? Also yes, I graduate in six months. Let’s talk about what took me so long to realize that I don’t like the career I chose and the guilty feelings that sometimes go along with changing career paths because you want to make more money. Let’s face the uncertainty together.
Tiktok Education Major Funny
If you’ve spent even half a second on booktok, you’ve definitely heard about Colleen Hoover's books. But along with the thousands of fans gushing over the stories that she’s written, there are also a lot of people criticizing her novels. In this episode, we do a deep dive into booktok and the controversies surrounding her work to figure out how the reading community feels about it all.
Background Info Article: Who Is Colleen Hoover?
Criticism Article: Criticizing CoHo :(
Youtube Video: This Side of BookTok scares me
Thinking about the future stresses me out. And it stresses me out even more when I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach my goals in life. I hope that I’ll be able to achieve some version of success in the future, but the uncertainty of it all less than six months away from graduating college freaks me the hell out.
Links:
Buzzfeed Quiz: Success Prediction Quiz
Zodiac Sign Article: Five Zodiac signs most likely to be successful
This Ball Doesn't Know What It’s Talking About: Magic 8 Ball
In this episode we explore why writing characters of color can be difficult (even for POC writers). The call for representation of marginalized communities in published books has exponentially increased since 2020. As publishers try to jump on this trend of diversity and inclusion, what are some of the challenges that writers face while attempting to meet this demand? We reflect on the past, present, and future of diverse representation in literature all while wondering how we as writers can authentically encapsulate the varied perspectives of the world around us.
TikTok link: Dork Diaries TikTok
Article link: 2015 Renee Russell Interview
Welcome to the first episode of my podcast! I don't know what I'm doing yet, but hopefully we'll figure it out together :)