Blog Archives - Jewish Sacred Aging: Recent Episodes
Rabbi Richard Address-Jewish Sacred Aging
A forum for the Jewish Community with resources and texts that feature discussions on the implications of the revolution in longevity for Baby Boomers and their families.
In this message leading to the Jewish High Holy Days, Rabbi Address asks readers what they bring to the season. [Read more...]
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Shalom. Respectability.org has published a special High Holiday Guide for Inclusion. Shelly Christensen, who has written for us and did a podcast on her work with the disability community, has made us aware of this [Read more...]
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Shalom. This blog grew out of several recent programs that we did for local JCCs here in South New Jersey on the subject of the “New” Jewish Grandparent. Longevity, health and, for many, some solid [Read more...]
The post Grandparenting Trans Grandchildren–A New Resource appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Here’s a question: how did it get to be August already? Seriously, is it my imagination or is time moving at hyper-speed. I know time “speeds up” as we get older, but it [Read more...]
The post Is It Time For Collective Time Out? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
What shall we do with Tisha B’Av? This year, this commemoration takes place on July 27 (the 9th of Av). For the vast majority of Jews, this day means very little, indeed, many believe [Read more...]
The post Tisha B’Av: For What Shall We Mourn? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Sometimes it is good to get away. The first post Covid trip has ended and with it some impressions that seemed to pop up at random times. I mention this as a way [Read more...]
The post It Is Good To Get Away appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
In recent weeks we have been asked to look at the issue of what some call the “new” Jewish grandparent. One of the issues that has emerged currently is the reality in many families [Read more...]
The post For Pride Month: A Blessing On Transitioning Genders appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
This is a festive week for us. Shavuot arrives and with it a renewed focus on law, the 10 Commandments and the idea and ideal of Revelation. This issue is at the heart of denominational differences with Judaism. After all, the Progressive aspects of our community officially rejected the belief in a Divine Revelation at Sinai. This really is the foundational belief of Liberal Judaism and is the major theological distinction between it and Orthodoxy.
Be that as it may, I wanted to raise an issue that, I think, emerges gradually as we get older. This is the idea that, as we age, do we have the ability, or courage to reveal who we really are and what we really want in life? This may seem like a somewhat off the wall type question, but it really goes to the heart of so much of what we are about as Jews. Let me suggest that it this idea of our true self is very powerful and, for some, frightening. For some, and you may know someone like this, really casting off the pre-conceived notions of what or who we should be is a very daunting, and frightening task. Do we still live a life that is being defined by others, or defined by what we think others think of us? How often do we encounter situations in families where we still may hold on to a belief that our adult children will become something that we wished for instead of honoring who they have become.
Is there a blessing in acceptance? Do we reach a stage in life that allows us to accept the realities of life and let go of what we may have wished for or hoped for, or even fantasized about? This idea of blessing is something that rarely gets discussed. We may say a blessing or know of many, but is there a blessing for when we come to a stage in our life that we accept who we are, the realities of our life, our family, our physical self? For some of our community that blessing has been contained in the simchat chochmah, blessing that celebrates us attaining a certain age and, we hope, the life wisdom that we have gained. At the heart of this discussion, I think, is the fundamental Jewish value of choice: the fact that we have the power to choose the life we live and how we react to the contingencies of our life. To accept that reality, to embrace it, is a blessing. While we cannot change what was, we can embrace how we will choose to face the future and deal with the contingencies of the present.
This issue of the blessing of choice is quite powerful. I mean, are you a person who believes that you have the freedom to make the choices we have in life? Or are you a determinist person? This is that old free-will vs. determinist debate which has challenged students for centuries. Akiba solved by saying that it has been determined that we have free will! But this is really a discussion about our individual ability to make choices for us within the contexts that we face. Those contexts easily can determine the types of choices we have open to us. But we celebrate on this holiday the idea that we can make choices. We hope that, as Deuteronomy 30:19 states, we make those choices that celebrate and sanctify life. We
This idea of celebrating the blessing of choice was described in a recent Washington Post article from May 22, 2023, by David von Drehle. The Opinion essay entitled “My Neighbor Lived To Be 109. This Is What I Learned From Him”, describes the life journey of Charlie and his view on the power of choice. The author even cites Viktor Frankl who wrote that “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances”. As we celebrate the events at Sinai, whether we believe them literally or as metaphor, let us also celebrate that we have been given the blessing of choice, the choice to reveal our own true self. This, like the story of the Israelites in the Wilderness, is not an easy task. It takes a lifetime and, as we age, the rewards are without measure.
Chag Sameach and Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
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There has been an increasing amount of conversation recently regarding the need for Boomers and our children to engage in conversation about our caregiving and end of life wishes. I just participated in a community wide conversation on this in Baltimore and two days later, a workshop with a congregation that also looked at this issue. I raise this here because the inter-generational issues that surround the gradual end of the Baby Boom generation need to be discussed. One of the most revealing issues made the front page of the New York Times on Monday May 15. There, in black and white, was a serious and thought-provoking article entitled “Baby Boomers Leaving Behind Riches, Still Mostly for the Rich”.
The article pointed out the proactive of what the authors referred to as “giving while living”. “It’s no longer an oncoming phenomenon”, said one financial advisor, “it’s present day”. This unprecedented transfer of wealth, underway now, is not equitable, according to the article and other sources. In his recent book “The Aftermath: The Last Days of the Baby Boom and the Future of Power in America”, Philip Bump noted that “The baby boom has accumulated an enormous amount of wealth during its three quarters of a century existence. What happens to that wealth once the boom is gone?” Bump writes that our economy will be impacted by the choices our generation will make in our final years. “about how they spend their retirements and how and when they pass their wealth on to younger Americans.” He adds the wild card of the impact of politics which we see being discussed now with the debt ceiling debacle. Bump also reminds us that “For the next 10 years boomers will be at least a fifth of the adult population and a higher percentage of the electorate”
A challenge, as the Times article points out, is that “The wealthiest 10 percent of households will be giving and receiving a majority of the riches. Within that range, the top 1 percent—which holds about as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent and is predominantly white—will dictate the broadest share of the money flow. The more diverse bottom 50 percent of households will account for only 8 percent of the transfers”. Now, factor in these figures to the coming realities of caregiving and how our children may be asked to pay for our care. Will we and our children be able to afford high quality care (assuming it is available) or will these changing demographics and economics place an even greater burden on families and community organizations, like congregations, or family service agencies?
The “economics of aging” is a subject that is continually being raised in many of our workshops and classes. What seems to be true is that there is a real and growing economic disparity as our generation prepares to exit, and thus an increasing burden to be placed on a large segment of our children’s generation. As we have written, this is a major social justice issue for us as we move forward. If we are a tradition that prizes dignity and sanctity, especially as we age, do we not need to look at this issue? From Congress to our own family rooms, this issue is real and no going away.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
The post “Giving While Living”. Intergenerational Wealth Transfer as Boomers Exit: Do The Rich Get Richer? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
There is no doubt that the contemporary Jewish world is undergoing major shifts. The Judaism of our youth, from synagogue life to rituals to demographics, is in the midst of radical transition. Another example of this was found in a major article in the Jewish Telegraph Agency in mid-April that announced that “U.K’s Liberal and Reform movements merge as Progressive Judaism”. These two non-Orthodox movements in the United Kingdom are coming together and adopting, as part of the union, the position of Patrilineal descent. This belief, a part of the Reform Movement in the United Sates since the 1980s, holds that the child of a Jewish man and a non-Jewish woman will be considered as a Jew if raised publicly as a Jew.
These shifts in Jewish life are readily observable here. There has been a gradual move in many localities for congregations, once thriving, but now seeking to combine due to changing demographics and affiliation attitudes. There was even a recent report that despite a rise in the number of Jewish children, there is now a decline in the number of those children enrolled in supplemental congregational schools. Even in Jewish education there are growing alternatives and options. All of this is being played out in the face of a rise in interest of things Jewish and a rise, especially among older adults, in the search for meaningful Jewish experiences and education. Yes, the pandemic added to this, as a universe of quality educational experiences became available, all from the comfort of your living room. However, all of these changes are significant in that they signal a seismic shift in what the Jewish world of the United States may look like in this century. Also, we are seeing, since the dawn of 2023, a rush of books on these changes and the implications of these shifts on our communal future. Look for a Seekers of Meaning podcast coming soon with one of these authors.
Many of these changes have been enhanced and supported by Boomers. We seem to want more meaningful experiences and a greater understanding of an adult Judaism that speaks to the changes that we are encountering in our own lives. I suggest that the recent rise in interest and programs around death and end of life issues is a result of Boomers now facing mortality and, as has been typical of much of the generation, wishing to take control or have a personal impact even in this area of life. This desire for an “adult spirituality” is coming at the same time as the very structures of our community are changing. We have yet to harness the power of social media and electronics. We see the fraying of classic Jewish institutions, such as movements. Indeed, a conference is being called for the end of May to assess how we can “Re-Charge Reform Judaism”. (Information on this meeting is hers on jewishsacredaging.com. Scroll down to view the link and if you wish, go to the search bar and type in Rabbi Ammi Hirsch to listen to his Seekers of Meaning podcast which aired earlier this month)
What can all this mean? Is this restructuring a sign of decline or, as I believe, a sign of rebirth. We are creating a new American Progressive Judaism. With any seismic change, there is upset as previous norms are shattered. The changes in the last decades around worship, inclusivity, spirituality and more have paved the way for many of these changes. Our demographic shifts have created new opportunities for new types of communities. All of this, I suggest to you, is in keeping with what Judaism has always done. This is an exciting time to be involved as a member of our community. Look around and you will see many of these changes emerging. Do not be afraid to be part of them. We have always evolved for the communities that tried to stand still are no longer with us. Our constant challenge remains what is the best of us that we need to preserve as we create a new Jewish tomorrow.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
The post Contracting to Expand? New Jewish Futures. appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
This is a highly personal season, this Passover week. The readings in the Hagaddah, the Torah HafTorah portions, I suggest, lend themselves to a sense of the transcendent and the possibility of transition and transformation. This is, after all, the festival that focuses on the major metaphor in Judaism, that of the Wilderness and, obviously, it is our own personal journey that is really being discussed. Alvin Fine’s beautiful poem/prayer of “Birth is a beginning and death a destination” reminds us that our challenge is to make the journey a “sacred pilgrimage”. This year, maybe more so than many previous years, that image is very meaningful.
It seems that so much in our lives is in transition. From the political to the personal, change is all around, and much of the change is challenging. We are also changing, as we get older, we are becoming more and more aware of the changes, subtle and not so subtle, that we are undergoing. As such, we become more aware of the need to focus on the moments of meaning that we encounter. We remember the losses we have endured, and we are called on to celebrate the joys we share. Those real-life experiences are symbolized at the seder. The marror is really the symbolism of the bitterness of loss and disappointments that we have endured. The charoseth, with its sweetness symbolizes the joys we have in life, the experiences and relationships that are sweet. Each has its place. And then, we combine them in that famous “Hillel sandwich” that literally symbolizes what life is about, a mixture of the bitter and the sweet.
Let me also suggest that this week also allows us to look at aspects of loss. After all, we conclude the festival with Yizkor, as we remember those and that which has been lost. No doubt many of you at your celebration noticed those who have been at the table but are no longer there. The Wilderness is also about loss and growth. The imagery of movement from slavery to liberation is really about each of us. It is about moving or letting go of the thoughts, relationships, ideas and the like that have “enslaved us” and having the courage to seek our own personal liberation. In her book “Necessary Losses”, Judith Viorst channels this festival when she wrote: “We will mourn the loss of others. But we are also going to mourn the loss of our selves—of earlier definition that our images of self depend upon. For the changes in our body redefine us. The events of our personal history redefine us. The ways that others perceive us redefine us. And at several points in our life we will have to relinquish a former self-image and move on.” (p.265)
This is a week that challenges us to move on. It is a festival of transition and, maybe, transformation. Once again, the choice is ours to make. Have a sweet, healthy, and joyful Passover.
Shalom
Rabbi Richard F Address
The post Passover: The Bitter and the Sweet and Moving Forward! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Well, it has finally come to this! In the late 1980s, Wade Clark Roof published his seminal “Generation of Seekers” as an examination of the growth of the Baby Boom generation. At the dawn of this century, as the first wave of Boomers began to reach so-called retirement, Dr Laurence Kotlikoff and Scott Burns published a powerful book, “The Coming Generational Storm” which examined the potential for generational-economic conflict as we aged and began to connect to Social Security and Medicare. So, we come now to the publication of “Aftermath: The Last Days of the Baby Boom and the Future of American Power” by Philip Bump.
Mr. Bump, a communist for the Washington Post, chronicles the beginning of our end. The book is a sobering and data driven analyses of where we have come from as a generation and, more to his point, what we are leaving behind. It is not pretty. He notes, as does the Census Bureau, that we have been overtaken as the most populous generation by the Millennials. He focuses on the economic inequality that exists between generations. In a review of the book in the February 10 edition of “The Week” (p.22) a quote from a Pittsburgh columnist cited the fact that the $74 trillion in our generation’s assets “does not translate into greater wealth per capita than previous generations held, and because of a substantial increase in wealth inequality, most Boomers have little, if any money to pass on”
Bump looks at the challenges concerning Social Security and Medicare as we live longer and draw on these programs. The political and social ramifications of our aging are handled in data driven text and charts. There is a sense of sadness in the book, as if to say that we started our generational journey with so much hope and individuality and, well, we will be leaving things in flux. As Bump states: “What we can say with the most certainty is that the America into which the baby boomers were born is long gone and that the America they built is crumbling. The uncertainty is whether that America is replaced by ashes or, once again, a phoenix”. (p. 348)
A key question that Bump does raise is how this country is going to take care of this longevity driven generation. Even a quick glimpse of current political debate over debt ceilings, Social Security, Medicare, unpaid caregiving etc., will show that these issues may very well be THE social justice concern for our generation in the next few years. As many of us know, the medical, emotional, and spiritual “costs” that arise in caregiving and with advanced illness in the last years of life can create havoc on so many levels. “This balance between those needing care and those offering care is a much broader problem than simply within families. In fact, it’s a central question for American society and the U.S. economy moving forward.” (p.191)
Let me suggest that you look at this book. It is worthy of your attention because it raises so many key issues that impact us, and the generations that will follow us. There so many serious decisions that must be made from a social level to individual families. We ignore these at our own peril. While we can still impact change, it is our responsibility to act, be informed and be aware. It is our life, after all.
Rabbi Richard F Address
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This is a very interesting and somewhat conflicting week for us. The question that troubles some is the role of violence as a means of punishment. The God of love, compassion and forgiveness seems to be missing in several key texts.
All over the world this week, Jews will celebrate Purim. We will have our fill of the shpiels and Megillah reading, the carnivals and hamantaschen. Rarely however, in our studies, do we get passed the time in the story when Mordecai and Esther confound Haman and save the Jews. As Mordecai gains power, go to chapter 9 of Esther and read the punishment that is exacted. Maybe that is one reason why God is absent from the book?
Then there is the Torah portion for this coming Shabbat. Ki Tisa. The headline in this portion is, of course, the Golden Calf. God’s anger is in full view, Moses’s “pastoral counseling” tact is to play to God’s ego: after all, if you destroy these people what will all the other nations say about you? In the end, there is punishment exacted in direct and brutal fashion. (see Exodus 32: 27ff)
One can make the argument that the situation in Esther does not equal the context of the Golden Calf. Maybe so. There is justification, I imagine, in both stories and indeed, the Calf story may very well have been the attempt to draw attention to the civil war that broke out after Solomon’s empire divided and, according to I Kings 12: 25-33, the Northern King Jeroboam erected Golden Calves at Bethel and Dan to draw followers away from Jerusalem and the Southern kingdom of Judea and King Rehoboam.
While the historicity of these texts may be discussed at length, a question I ask you to raise at your Torah study this week is why the violence? Are there contexts that do demand a response to attacks on us only through violence? Do the increases in antisemitism here in the USA demand such a response? Does meeting violence with violence ever achieve that desired goal? And why is so much of this in our sacred texts.
A troubling week? No doubt. Much food for thought and contemplation as we navigate Purim and Torah.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
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We are so proud to announce the 2023 National Bikur Cholim conference that begins on March 13 and ends on June 5. Like the conferences in 2021 and 2022 this one will be held virtually on Monday nights. The conferences in 2021 and 2022 grappled with how to provide bikur cholim in the face of the tremendous challenges from the pandemic and were attended by over 400 people. Register here.
This year’s program will be on The Path to Healing in the Face of Bereavement and our keynote speaker is Dr. Pauline Boss who has written and studied loss and bereavement for decades. She created ambiguous loss as an area of study and her recent book The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change is a New York Times bestseller. https://www.ambiguousloss.com
We have a set of stellar speakers for the remainder of the program who will deal with how to dwell in loss, and find meaning and growth. They will address how do we deal with the losses of lives, relationships, opportunities, and other losses. What are our own expectations for healing? How can we be most present and supportive of those who are bereaved? And what should our expectations be on the path to healing?
| Date | Session Overview | | March 13 | Dr. Pauline Boss, Professor, University of Minnesota “False expectations: Ambiguous Loss and the Myth of Closure and Finding the Compassionate Path to Healing” | | March 27 | Rabbi Richard Address, Founder & Director, Jewish Sacred AgingRabbi Edythe Mencher “A Discussion of a New Theology of Loss” | | April 3 | Rabbi Nadya Gross and Zoe Francesca Goldblatt “The Path of the Death Doula and How that Guides Providing Comfort to the Bereaved” | | April 24 | Rabbi Judy Beiner Rabbi Shira Stern Rabbi Miriam Herscher “Companioning the Bereaved: Lessons from Bereavement Groups” | | May 15 | Rabbi Melanie Levav, Shomer Collective “Meaning Making & Loss: Can We Really Turn Mourning Into Dancing?” (Psalm 30) | | May 30 | Rabbinic Pastor Chaya Lerner “Bereavement in the Face of Disaster, Lessons from Surfside One Year Later” | | June 5 | Rabbi Norman Blumenthal, Ohel “The Long Journey to Recovery: Covid and Bereavement” |
We hope you can join us. The registration fees are modest and we provide scholarships as needed.
Here is information on the program:
Conference Program, Online Select Mondays March 13 – June 5, 2022
8:00pm – 9:30pm EDT • 5:00pm – 6:30pm PDT
For volunteers, social workers, chaplains and professionals who work
in the field of bikur cholim (visiting the sick) and the general public
$72 for the full conference program for 7 sessions;
$36 for 3 sessions;
$18 for a single session
— scholarships widely available —
All sessions will be recorded
Sponsored by Neshama: Association of Jewish Chaplains, Network of Jewish Human Service Agencies, Jewish Association for Death Education (JADE), Kavod v’Nichum, and Shomer Collective
Questions?
Program Questions: Contact David Balto at david.balto@dcantitrustlaw.com or 202-577-5424
Sponsorship and Registration Questions: Contact david.balto@dcantitrustlaw.com
For more information, such as upcoming sessions, please notice that we have a new website jewish-healing-center.org which has comprehensive resources on the Jewish perspective on healing and bikur cholim.
We hope you can attend.
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Note from Rabbi Address: We are pleased to have as guest contributor Rabbi Larry Hoffman, a beloved and respected teacher to so many colleagues and one of the major experts on worship and sacred space. Rabbi Hoffman has given us his permission to post this letter and request to be part of a unique and beautiful tribute. Please take a moment to read this and, we hope, respond. Memory is a powerful part of who we are as a people. Study adds to that reservoir of love.
All day, every day, octogenarian Bernard Cottle sits on the same park bench, as if keeping guard over the cemetery opposite. He used to sit there with his wife, a friend explains, and when she died, he more or less took up sentry duty on it. One night, when no one was looking, he even spread her ashes on the earth below, so that (again, when no one is looking), he could still converse with her.
Bernard is a character in The Thursday Murder Club which I was reading as a break from more weighty matters. But there I was, one of the characters, or, more accurately, many of the characters, because the Thursday Murder Club is a set of aging people in and around an assisted-living home. What I share with most of them is that, like Bernard, we have lost our life’s partner, who, however, still inhabits the places where we used to sit, eat, walk, and love together.
Like Bernard, we eventually think about perpetuating the presence of the person we have lost: establishing what Isaiah calls a Yad Vashem, “a memorial and a name.” The term was borrowed to name the Jewish People’s Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem, but Isaiah used it to describe God’s promise that those who lead the good life will receive “an everlasting name that shall not perish” (Isaiah 56:5).
So Bernard sits dutifully on the bench where his wife once sat as well, and sure enough, people who see him remember her. I imagine he must worry that when he too dies, people will forget them both; had he the means, he would surely endow the bench, emblazoning upon it a plaque with his wife’s name for all to see even after he is gone. We all know people who have perpetuated a yad vashem that way: if not on a park bench, then as part of a synagogue memorial wall that lights up at appropriate occasions.
Those who can, go farther still. They choose some praiseworthy passion of the person who died and fund that passion for the benefit of others. That’s what I am doing now, in this second year of Gayle’s death. And I am writing this because I hope you will help me.
Gayle was a Jew in a small-town Canadian synagogue. She converted there, learned Judaism there, and paid dues there until she died, even after moving to New York to be with me. But hers is just one of many tiny to medium-sized congregations spread widely across the miles, overall under-appreciated for their enormous contribution to Jewish life, despite meagre resources and insufficient clergy who must often work alone, responsible for everything. I wish to honor Gayle’s memory, by honoring those congregations and those rabbis.
Toward that end, I am establishing the Gayle A. Hoover Memorial Fund For Adult Learning, a comprehensive system to provide quality offerings for adults like Gayle, using Zoom technology to link small and medium-sized congregations across the miles as an ongoing community of communities. We will encompass, as well, the handfuls of Jews in even smaller Jewish communities, where no synagogue exists at all. The program is for Canada, but it is a prototype that, once up running, will be replicable anywhere.
Imagine a faculty of all the rabbis and cantors in the system, as well as professors from universities, and experts in everything from Kabbalah to cooking, in a virtual Academy of Jewish Study. Large congregations who can afford quality programming have agreed to stream selective programs to the smaller and mid-size synagogues where people can gather for the offerings, along with a follow-up conversation with their local rabbi or cantor.
The fund will also mount an annual or biennial weekend retreat for members of participating communities to gather in person and meet the friends they have made on zoom, thereby creating a “community of communities.”
Importantly, the program has been enthusiastically welcomed by rabbis and adopted by the Reform Jewish Community of Canada, which guarantees its continuity.
But as you can imagine, the endowment funds I need just to administer it all are significant; and so, I hope you won’t mind as I ask for your help. If you have resources to share, please contribute what you can. If you know others who might help, please pass the word to them. Your support honors Gayle’s memory and is a gift to me. It is also, after all, a great cause, a model for quality Jewish education even for the smallest synagogues that need feel isolated no more. I cannot thank you enough.
To contribute:
In the United States, https://urj.org/GayleHoover
In Canada, https://www.therjcc.ca/donate.
For contributing foundations:
Recipient Name: Gayle A Hoover Fund for Adult Learning
Organization Name: UNION FOR REFORM JUDAISM
Organization Address 633 Third Ave, 7th floor, New York, NY. 10017 ATTN: Development Department
Organization Telephone Number 212-650-4140
Organization Contact Person: Felicia Schuessler — FSchuessler@urj.org
Organization Tax ID 13-1663143
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Tu’B’shvat arrives this week. The “New Year of the Trees” has now become a major focal point of the growing Jewish Environmental movement. No doubt many of you are taking in celebrations and maybe even a “Tu’b’shvat seder. Thankfully, we are experiencing a meaningful revival of interest in our planet and what we are doing to it.
But in thinking about the external environment, I could not help but also think our internal environment. Specifically, the spiritual environment that we may inhabit. In the classes we have been part of these past few years, this internal focus has become more pronounced.So many of our generation, while still deeply involved in external issues of tikkun olom, are becoming increasingly concerned with their internal spiritual environment. This is not limited to the devoutly faithful. This really is about our own aging, our search for our own sense of meaning and purpose.
In many of these classes we often discuss the creation of a personal spiritual practice. This is part of our generation’s desire to create or discuss what we may call a mature spirituality. This is the rejection of the “pediatric” religious truths of our childhood, often unexamined since that childhood, but now, thanks to our own aging and life experience, we now are forced to re-examine. This may have a lot to do with how we begin to consider our own legacy. What is our place in the universe and how shall we be remembered? The tree image for this week’s festival is quite apt for there is the famous story of Honi who comes across a person planting a tree and asks why they are being so diligent. This person answers that they are carrying on the tradition of planting the tree even though they will not be alive to see its’ maturity.
What are our deeds? Can we think of them like trees that, because of what we may have done, they will grow and mature? Every day we are presented with new opportunities to impact a life, even our own. Sometimes this is hard for us to imagine. We often may not even be aware of the impact we may have on someone or something else. It is like planting a seed and hoping that the seed will grow and flourish because of what we have done. We all may wish to see what that future is. That is not possible, so, our challenge is to find meaning in what we do now, meaning in the relationships that we create and nurture, no matter what our age or circumstance. In that sense we may all be Honi, for we are part of nature, each in our own unique way.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
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I recently came upon a thought-provoking three-part series on PBS called “Searching: Our quest for meaning in an age of science”. It is a project of the Templeton Foundation and hosted by scientist Alan Lightman. The programs, each about fifty minutes long, explored issues related to the expanding universe, the fact that in a very basic way we are all part of the universe and, while we are advancing the science of life, we are still stumbling around trying to figure out the issue of consciousness. In other words, science is great at the “how” of life, but we humans still struggle with the “why”!
Now I watched these programs as the great story of our tradition, the Exodus and the events at Sinai are unfolding in our texts. So many traditional commentaries see, in these events, the mystical hand of God controlling history for a desired purpose. Often at classes that discuss these passages people will ask as to the role of we humans in these stories. If we are put cosmic pawns, then where is that freedom of will and choice. What does this mean?
The question of our meaning is at the heart of the Searching series and, likewise at the heart of our own personal religious quest. Now it is interesting to know that there is a growing discussion in many academic and religious corridors of the linkage between science and religion. Indeed, our colleague Rabbi Geoff Mitelman has created an entire organization that focuses on this. (Science and Synapses)
This quest for what this life means and what is our place in it becomes more relevant and important as we get older. This shift from the material to the spiritual becomes part of just about every class in which we are involved. Does God, in whatever manner you choose to define that, have a plan for us? Or is the universe neutral, uncaring and we have the challenge to choose our path, our meaning, our purpose. Is there a reason or purpose for us to be alive here, now, for what amounts to a “blink of an eye” in the grand scheme of the universe? These Torah passages open this discussion for once you remove yourself from the “divine revelation” at Sinai and see Torah as a product of human beings over centuries, then the basis for our actions as a Jew shift. Do we become the authority for our own actions? If so, on what basis do we make choices? Or is there this invisible hand of God behind our actions? Or is the answer someplace in the middle? Or this life, as some maintain, absurd?
Let me suggest that you try and watch that Templeton series. It will raise some important questions. In the end, however, it opens the door to the need to celebrate the fact of our creation and our time that we live. We ARE part of nature, we are part, as Ecclesiastes chapter 1 so beautifully describes, of something larger than ourselves. As such, we are history, and this gift of life is the most precious of all gifts.
Shalom
Rabbi Richard
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There is a very fascinating article in the January-February issue of the Atlantic. Noah Hawley wrote on “The Myth of the Frontier Won’t Die” which posited the American myth of the reluctant hero. The frontier myth is part of our society, and it remains embedded in so many parts of our culture, from films to politics.
Reading the piece got me to thinking not of the vast frontier of our country but of a more internal idea of the frontier of the mind. Likewise, a current National Geographic article looks at the issue of extending the aging process. So, I began to consider how these pieces may relate to us as we get older. The frontier of our own mind is not something we read or think about a lot. But, let me suggest that it may have a lot to say about how we look at our own aging.
Research is reminding us that one of the challenges of aging is to keep our brain active. I think this goes beyond doing crossword puzzles. I think what this may mean is having the desire and ability to teach our brain new things, to experience new ideas or events; all of which may keep the creative juices of life flowing. The frontier of the American West may be closed, but the frontier of our own mind and soul is never closed; it is always open to new experiences, new ideas, new relationships. This is, or may be, the difference between existing and living.
One of the challenges of longevity, should we be blessed with it, is how to navigate this tension. By this stage of life most of us have figured out how to exist. How many of us have continued to “live”? I agree, this is not always an easy choice. There are, for so many of us, so many circumstances that inhibit our desires to live: from social status, economic realities, family commitments and more. Yet even within each of these situations, there may be opportunities to expand our own horizons.
So, consider this issue as you examine your own situation. What things would I like to do, within reason and ability, that can expand the frontier of self and soul? The possibility of the “new” is always with us. Can we take that leap?
Rabbi Richard F Address
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“No, this is not the end
Nor is it the beginning of the end.
But it is perhaps the end of the beginning”
Winston Churchill 1943
That was the inscription on my high school yearbook in 1964, several months after the assassination of JFK. And I wondered if that was the “end of the beginning” for me. I certainly thought so at the time. But in hindsight it was not.
So what was the end of the beginning for me? Was it when I was sexually abused by my 7th grade teacher? Maybe it was when I got married, had children and bought a house. Then again perhaps it was when I started my first job as a psychologist.
No, it was Dec. 20, 1979 when one life ended and another began. That was when I took my last steps as I said goodbye to my wife and daughters and walked from the house to my car. A house that I would never see the inside of again. Two hours later I was a quadriplegic.
Every year people ask what these anniversaries are like for me. Every year they are different. Some years are painful and some years are joyous and some years the anniversary just happens without a whole lot of emotion attached.
Not so this year. This year I feel tenderhearted love and gratitude. And I also feel very sad this year . Shortly after my accident, someone from my treatment team told me that the life expectancy of a quadriplegic back then was about 14 years. I don’t know whether that was statistically accurate, but I do know that the life expectancy is a hell of a lot shorter than 43 years!
Of course my life is sometimes difficult. And some days extremely difficult. And those days seem to be increasing in number, but that’s the case for all of us as we age. Nevertheless despite the difficulties, I am so very grateful to be alive, to watch the seasons change, to have the ability to care for others and to have the great good fortune that others care for me,. I have a life filled with love which has contributed to my longevity, gratitude and humility.
When my grandson Sam was born my greatest wish was that I would live at least until he was 5 years old. Both of my grandfathers died when I was 4 years old and I don’t remember them. I wanted him to remember me. That’s why he and I would wander around his neighborhood looking for elephant poop. We never found any which means we never found any elephants. At least for another 10 years when I had a great good fortune to be able to travel with my family to South Africa where we really did see elephant poop and elephants. Now Sam is about to graduate college. To be honest, I have no words to describe how that makes me feel but every time I try, I cry.
And that sadness I referred to? It is pretty palpable today. I am starting to forget what it felt like to walk or dance. I can’t remember what it felt like to hold a baseball bat in my hands. That all feels like it was a dream. Mostly I’m sad because I love life so much.
I often quote the following Sufi saying: “when the heart weeps for what it’s lost, the soul rejoices for what it’s found.” And this has been the case for me for the last 43 years. I wept over the loss of my body and the loss of my life as I knew it. And then I discovered a new life, rich and textured. So now I weep that my days get more difficult. And I have faith that my soul will be open to new discoveries. I just hope the discoveries are more than hemorrhoids or prostate problems!
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Watching the Times Square ball drop last night (and can someone tell me the meaning of standing for hours and hours outside in drizzle just to watch a ball drop down to signal a new year) I was reminded of an old classic Edith Piaf song “je ne regrette rien”(I do not regret anything). I have no idea why that song popped into my head. We toasted 2023 with a hope that it will be better than 2022 (a low bar indeed) and that was it. Another new years eve leaving us with the question of what the fuss is all about.
Anyway, why that song? My sense is that, as we get older, we sometimes spend too much time looking back, living in a land of “what if” or “if only”. So, I began to think what it would be like if we were able to really let go of so many of the issues that keep holding on to us. We cannot control time and time, as we have mentioned numerous times, is the THE major issue for us now. It is something we cannot control and sits with us every day. Some of the liturgy of the High Holidays, and many sermons, try and teach us to look forward. Someone once taught that life is lived forward but understood backwards. The windshield in our car is larger than the rear window reminding us that where we are going is more important than where we have been. But there is so much that is in our past that we often fixate on regrets.
So maybe this 2023 can find us with the courage to move into our own futures with the resolution to cast off focusing on regrets. After all, we cannot change what was, We can learn from it and try and understand how to not replicate that which we regret. We can say I’m sorry but, we must move on. Regret can bind us to a past and cause us to sacrifice dreams and hopes, deeds and tomorrows. That Akedah is real in its application to each of our own stories.
Yes, it is hard to move in the direction of no regrets. I do not know if it is even possible. But, a suggestion: let us try to seek what or who may be our own authentic self. Let’s try and not live our own life as defined by others, but as we choose to define it, and in doing so, cast off any regret for not living up to someone else’s preconceived notion of who we should be.
Longevity has given us a gift to seek new definitions of self. Medical science has been a blessing to enhance, for many, that longevity. The gratitude for life is part of our liturgy and, hopefully, our daily existence. We are all moving forward, let us do so focusing in what can be, not what was.
Have a safe and healthy 2023
Rabbi Richard F Address
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Parsha Vayigash
Genesis 44:18 – 47:27
Shabbat, Saturday, December 31, 2022
This week, the Torah parsha is spiritually efficient. The topic sentence, to me, is only two words: “Avi Chai?” If you know it, hear why it resonates so deeply to me. If you are not familiar with it, fasten your seat belts, as they say. “Avi Chai?” sits with “Bo” (Go again to the Pharaoh) and “Lech Lecha” (go forth from where you are) as a streamlined route to deep meaning.
As this week’s parsha opens, patriarch Jacob is home in the Holy Land, l’vado, existentially alone. Jacob has sent the sons he still knows down to Egypt. Jacob’s neighborhood has famine. Word has reached them that Egypt anticipated the famine, has grain in storage, and perhaps, just perhaps, Jacob’s sons can persuade the viceroy in Egypt to sell them some of the grain. And so the sons journey to Egypt.
Unbeknownst to all, the viceroy in Egypt, who has the power to sell them the grain, also has the power to nourish their souls. The viceroy is Joseph, the son Jacob has been taught to accept as deceased, and the brother to the travelers who also thought their brother had died, through their own actions.
Without proof, Jacob cannot be sure son Joseph has died. Professor Pauline Boss, of the University of Minnesota, calls this “ambiguous loss,” grief trying to connect the head and the heart when there is no body, no visual proof. Joseph, the son stranded in Egypt, is in limbo with no information on his father … for twenty-two years, a very, very long time in those days, despite Biblical hyperbole.
Estrangement was an open wound then, and is an open wound now. It is truly a “tale as old as time.” In its rawest form, estrangement reflects people whose genealogy says they are related, where morals, ethics, and the law say these people should care for each other, and they couldn’t care less … on the surface. They know exactly how long it has been since they have last spoken to each other. They, too, might not even know who is still alive.
Surveying reports 27% of Americans today say they are estranged from at least one person in their family. As a statistician, I truly feel the number is higher.
More than one hospital patient over my career has remarked to me that family drives right past their hospital but does not stop. More than once, I have had to place estranged families in separate comfort rooms for the doctor to break the same bad news, twice, that a family member has died.
Take another perspective, from American survey research in October 2022 in anticipation of the upcoming holidays which used to focus on families getting together. One thousand
Americans, split evenly into moms, dads, grandmothers, and grandfathers, were asked what they really want this holiday season. The two biggest choices were “Time with Family,” and “Gift Card.” Surprise? or No Surprise? “Gift Card” was always consistently preferred over “Time with Family,” as much as 2.7 times higher among the moms surveyed.
The obsession of the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, is loneliness, the pandemic that was there before the Covid pandemic and has returned to the number one position. Estrangement correlates with loneliness.
Vayigash teaches that reconciliation can overcome estrangement. First, consider how it happens, the set-up, as they say in drama. You can go through therapy, you can go through mind rehearsals of what you are going to say if and when you meet this estranged relative again. However, as is often the case, HaShem has another plan in mind, a plan where reconciliation is possible through a spontaneous encounter, and, in those spontaneous encounters, your true feelings emerge in an unrehearsed script.
The late Dr. D’arcy Sims used to teach conferences of bereaved parents, “the head may know, the heart may know, but there is a moment when they both connect.” This is the moment best expressed in hugs and tears. Tears are the lubricant of the soul. Native Americans teach, “The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.”
In the parsha, the brothers have arrived in Egypt seeking grain. Viceroy and Brother Joseph first appears as a stranger, perhaps because of the way he looks or dresses, perhaps because the 22 years of estrangement has changed appearances, perhaps because the brothers do not expect the viceroy to be Joseph, and we might have mistaken identity.
Vayigash, means, “And he approached.” Here, Judah approached Joseph, who is in disguise. Joseph asks Judah about his family. As Dr. Sims would teach, Joseph’s head and heart are connecting, faster for Joseph than for Judah. Joseph knows his family is in front of him. How to handle this moment? How to handle this opportunity for reconciliation?
Joseph lets his heart lead his head. Joseph becomes farklempt, Yiddish for choked up and about to cry, so Joseph sends his own team of servants away from him quickly. Then, Joseph spontaneously wept so loud that his primal scream was heard all the way into the house of Pharaoh.
Joseph’s startled brothers had no time to ask why he was screaming and weeping because Joseph immediately decided to reveal himself. What words were locked inside Joseph yearning to be spontaneously freed at this moment? Were the words going to be, “I am your brother, nice to see you? How are you? Did our father die? Is our father alive?”
The actual words are, “I am Joseph, your brother. Avi chai?” Avi chai is usually translated, “Is my father alive?”
I prefer a different translation. My chaplain’s translation of Avi Chai becomes, “Does my father still have life in him? “Is my father alive?” moves us towards the scientific answer of vital signs, e.g., pulse and respirations. Yes, they might still be there. Yet, estrangement can still suck the life out of you in other ways. “Does my father still have life in him?” opens the door to the emotional set of vital signs.
Rabbi Karyn Kedar offered, “Ha’od avi chai, does my father live?”
After that, in this parsha, Joseph fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. This is more than a Hollywood ending, It happens in real life. I have seen it. My neck has felt it.
Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, of blessed memory, taught that when Joseph revealed himself to his brothers, Joseph reinterpreted the past by telling his brothers not to be distressed and angry because they sold Joseph into slavery in Egypt.
Rabbi Sacks taught, “We cannot fully understand what is happening to us now until we can look back in retrospect and see how it all turned out….We are not held captive by the past. Things can happen to us, not as dramatically as to Joseph perhaps, but nonetheless benign, that can completely alter the way we look back and remember. By action in the future, we can redeem the past.”
Therapist Joshua Coleman, writing on his specialty of estrangement in The Atlantic, January 10, 2021, commented, “However they arrive at estrangement, parents and adult children seem to be looking at the past and present through very different eyes. Estranged parents often tell me that their adult child is rewriting the history of their childhood.”
Instead, may we and they be blessed to apply the Friday evening teaching from the 1978 edition of the Reform Prayer Book, Gates of the House. After the Shabbat candles are lighted, we pray together, “Blessed is the house in which the hearts of the children are turned to the parents, and the hearts of the parents to the children.”
Kein Y’hi Ratzon – May it be God’s Will.
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The dreidel has the letters nun, heh, shin, gimel that remind us of the “miracle.” What is fascinating is that, as we get older, many of us become more aware of the real miracles that surround us each day. Of course, those of you familiar with the prayer book know that every day we include a series of blessings that celebrate the miracles of everyday life. One of the miracles that speaks to us is that of the ability or freedom to be able to make choices that impact our health and life. One of the fears of getting older is the fear of losing that ability to make our own choices. Thankfully, we increasingly have the ability to make our wishes known.
Sitting somewhere in a governmental committee in Washington is a new bi-partisan bill that was recently introduced by Senators Warner (D-VA), Collins (R-ME) and Congressperson Blumenauer (DOR). It is a bill to expand access to advanced care planning (ACP). The bill would expand access to ACP opportunities. A variety of patient and family advocacy groups support the bill. At the heart of the legislation is the desire to expand the opportunities for people to have their voices heard as to their wishes as life ebbs. As many who will be reading this know, the more our wishes are known and codified and distributed to appropriate people, the less stress and strain on a family system arises. The freedom to do this is a gift and is even more important now as our community ages.
The Pew study of people identifying as Jews, done in 2020, noted that close to 50 percent of those identifying as Jews were over 50 years of age. The issues involved with advanced care planning and caregiving are impacting more and more families. Most of our denominations have come out in favor of advanced care planning and the documentation of our wishes. Slowly our communities are recognizing the need to educate and raise awareness of Jewish tradition’s approach to end-of-life care as well as communal efforts, such as those being created here in partnerships between Jewish Federation and Samaritan Healthcare and Hospice. We hope that Sukkat Shalom, the Jewish advisory group to Samaritan, will be part of that evolving partnership.
Choice is empowering and vital. This is even more relevant here in New Jersey, which has our Medical Aid in Dying law which has been in place since August of 2019. The more we educate and raise awareness of what options exist and how Jewish texts and tradition can be supportive, the better all of us will be. As many of us know, moments of crises are not the best time to make decisions. The power of choice is part of our ethic.
We are reminded in Deuteronomy 30:19 to make choices that sanctify life, so that those who come after us will be blessed. Thus, there is this sacred link, generation to generation, as we make these choices. This is sacred work. With much of what is sacred, we embrace these actions with ritual. Many years ago, working with a group of rabbinic and education students, the discussion emerged as to the need to create ritual or blessing that can be said as one signs an advanced directive and health care proxy. This is, after all, a very powerful recognition that we will someday die. The ritual for signing an advanced directive is part of our Jewish Sacred Aging® work on new rituals.
So, as we celebrate a “miracle” of Channukah, and celebrate the miracles of everyday life, here is that blessing that celebrates the ability that we must make choices and the hope that these choices will be honored by those in whom we have given our trust. The following blessing is adapted from the work of Rabbi Dan Fliegel and Jewish educator Tess Levine.
“Blessed is God who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season. God who has given me the power of choice and who has brought me the strength to make these decisions today. Thank you for granting me the wisdom to think ahead and to understand the great range of possibilities that could come in the future.
“When the time comes that I am no longer able to make decisions on my own behalf, may my wishes be carried out by those who are close to me. While so much is out of our control, I am grateful that I can make choices in life, make them known and have them acted out in the event I no longer have the ability to do so myself.
“I have been blessed with so much and may my family be at peace with my decisions. May we love one another and cherish our time together. Baruch Ata Adonai, who has given us free will and agency in our lives.”
Shalom and have a safe and healthy Chanukah.
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This week I will celebrate a birthday. Ok, so that may not be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Yet, this, to me, is a special one and one that has weighed on my soul for a while. I am now the same age as when my father died some thirty years ago. Why has this become so powerful? I think about it every day. On the one hand, it is the reality that I am now “that age” and have a hard time dealing with this reality. On the other hand, there is a sense of gratitude and blessing that I am alive and doing what I like to do and have the opportunity to be with people I love.
Yes, BUT, there is that time issue that keeps rumbling around in my soul. It is, as we discuss in many classes, the one thing that no matter how we try, we cannot control. And, as we get older, and celebrate significant moments, we become more and more aware of time’s passing and our place in it. I do envy the people who, when we bring this subject up in sessions, admit that they do not think about time, they live day to day and are thankful for each new adventure. Boy, do I envy them even as part of me has trouble believing them!
Yes, as many say, age is only a number. Indeed, we often discuss in classes that we have three ages: our chronological age in years, our biological age, how healthy our body is; and our spiritual age: how we feel. I am now 78, my doctor says my health is good (working out and watching what we eat is key) and I think my spiritual age is still in my 40s, ok, maybe now early 50s! Yet, those sands of time keep impacting my soul. Yes, I know that much of this maybe indulgent and strange as my work deals with aging. But the reality still comes back every day about the challenge to find meaning in the time we have left. Indeed, as we often say in classes, THE spiritual question for us as we get older is how we choose to deal with our time knowing that we cannot control the time we have left. How we choose to answer that question says a lot about each of us. Maybe that is why so many of us, as we get older, become concerned with our legacy, of what of us will be left behind and how we will be remembered.
I also know that the Jewish view of this is to be grateful for each new day and to live each day to its fullest; and I am sure that most of us try to do just that. I also know that the circumstances around my dad’s early death are not being duplicated with me. But, as each year passes and the reality of our own mortality becomes clearer, you cannot help but wonder about this mystery we call life, how it becomes more fragile and precious and how much time can impact who we are, what we wish and how we choose to live. Or, in the words of Rabbi Max Ardst: The quantity of life is in the hands of God. The quality of life rests in our hands.
Shalom
Rabbi Richard F. Address
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A few days ago, I came across a Facebook post by one of the services that at times post pithy sayings and thoughts. This one hit me on several levels. The saying was simply “The biggest mistake we make in life is thinking we have more time”. I mention this because the issue of time has become so much more relevant in recent years. Indeed, it is a major subject in several of the workshops we sponsor as part of Jewish Sacred Aging®. This past High Holiday period found me contemplating time as never before. Much of it had to do with the fact that in a short while I will be as old as my father was when he died. A VERY sobering thought and one that I struggle with. But in that thought process something emerged that slowly is taking hold.
It has to do to with time and the thought that “one day” I would like to do “x”. For some reason it hit me as a stone-cold reality that the “someday” is now. I am blessed to be able to make some of these decisions. In that spirit of not waiting, we made plans to do something that I had put in that “someday” category. During my HUC days many of us took a year off. I did as well and took a pulpit in a suburb of London. It was one of the best years of my life, we made close friends and have been able to get back there many many times. This past May, our granddaughter became Bat Mitzvah. I have had this dream of taking her “someday” to London. That some day was now. We just came back from six hectic but fantastic days in London. The experience was wonderful and, as I thought about it on the plane home, I realized that we had made a memory that she will hold on to for the rest of her life. Time reminds me that no matter how much I wish to, I cannot go where she will go. So, we gave her a gift of an experience and a memory.
The issue is not taking such a trip. The issue is to NOT put off sharing experiences with family, friends, and your own self. No one knows when the “someday” will run out. Many of us in our generation can create such memories. Do not wait. An experience creates memories that transcend time. It is a gift we can give others and ourselves. Money is not an issue. The issue is not waiting to take time to create moments of memory with people we love. Each of us can have the opportunity to create these memories and they are priceless. Please think about this as people gather for holiday celebrations. Do not allow that time to pass. Let’s not, as our lives change, look backward with regret that “if only” I had done this. Rather may all of us be in that position, to look back and say how glad we were that we took that trip, shared those moments, took that time to make those memories that transcend time and place.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
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This is being written a few days before the November mid-term elections. It is being written with a sense of concern after watching the parade of news stories about the rise in antisemitism here in the United States. It is being written out of a sense of some fear that, other than from the Jewish community, there seems to be silence. Our generation was, for the most part, raised with this idea that we have found a safe haven. The religious school stories and rabbinic sermons on the assimilation of Jewish immigrants, the eroding of restrictions in housing and professions and other issues gave us the sense that we were blessed to live here where antisemitic acts were minimal. The reality of the present has shaken our community. From Charlottesville to Pittsburgh, from the open postings of hate on social media and so much more, we are being given a reality check that for many is unexpected. Were we that naive?
We posted recently a Seekers of Meaning podcast with Dr. Andrew Goretsky, the ADL regional director for our area. He outlined, in detail, the rise in instances of antisemitism, the fact that so many of our young people are totally unprepared to go to college campuses and be confronted with antisemitic and anti-Israel biases. Likewise, he cautioned us on the “dark web”, the proliferation of hate speech there and the challenge to educate our children, who spend much time on their screens, on possible trolling. He added to these concerns at an adult education program this past week for a local congregation. Sadly, it was the same night that the FBI issued a “creditable threat” warning to synagogues in our area. The world political situation is in chaos and our economy is teetering on the brink of what may be months of concern adding to economic and social inequality. People, it seems, need someone or some thing or some group to blame. Sadly, as Dr. Goretsky pointed out, blaming the “other” has always been a default setting. It must be “those people” who do not look like us, come from where we come from or look or act in a different way. Too often that “other” has been us.
Why do we mention all of this? We do so because the Jewish older adult population does need to step up and be heard on this. It is a mistake to sit back and lament but fail to do soemthing. We cannot solve these issues by retreating to a social silo of miss-information, distrust and meanness. Antisemitism has been and continues to be a symptom of a greater illness, an illness that can destroy from within. If you are a member of a congregation, please get involved with the social justice group and local Jewish Community groups to raise awareness. Work with clergy to see if local inter-faith groups can be galvanized to speak up. Hate speech must not be allowed to be condoned as free speech. Given the climate of division and polarization, silence on these issues is acquiescence. Lobby the congregation’s education committee to see if they can include discussions on contemporary antisemitism in religious schools. Does your congregation have any program or discussion on social media for their youngsters? Given the time they spend on phones and screens, do we not need to orient them on how to report hate speech etc. Likewise, are their discussions with your Confirmation and post Confirmation age students on what they may meet at college and how to respond?
This is the time of year when the community remembers Kristallnacht. The language and social fabric that allowed for that is no longer just something to remember. It is a historic call to be vigilant.
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
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Noah was a righteous man in his generation (Genesis 6:9). With this famous verse, this week’s Torah portion begins. Commentators have opined for centuries about what this verse means. After all, the world had [Read more...]
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In Leviticus 23: 42-43 we read the call to observe the festival of Sukkot to remind us of the temporary dwellings of the Israelites. Rooted in our agricultural and nomadic ancient past, this “harvest” [Read more...]
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Rabbi Richard F. Address, founder and director of Jewish Sacred Aging, provided this video message as we begin the Rosh Hashanah holiday for 5783.
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As the High Holydays approach, we invite you join us for a three-part series on theology that will post September 9, 16 and 23 on our Seekers of Meaning podcast/tv. You can access the [Read more...]
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World Alzheimer’s Month is an international campaign to raise awareness around Alzheimer’s disease and all types of dementia that takes place each September. This year’s campaign highlights the importance of community support for families facing the challenges of dementia. [Read more...]
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One of the more interesting challenges that face clergy is when an older adult couple presents themselves to discuss marriage. Are there different questions that need to be asked? Is the nature of the [Read more...]
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Rabbi Dr. Steven Moss discusses the connection between Tisha B'av, which begins at sundown August 6, and Yom Kippur. [Read more...]
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A few nights ago my wife and I were privileged to attend a performance of “To Kill A Mockingbird”. The book, published in 1960, has become a classic, as has the play and film [Read more...]
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Some of the statistics are really attention getting. The 2020 Pew study of our community indicates that almost half of the American Jewish community is over 50 years of age. A quick look at population [Read more...]
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In the last two years of my seminar training, 1970-1972, I was part of a small group of students at the Hebrew Union College (HUC) that were trained at a local church to provide [Read more...]
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Happy Father’s Day! My dad died three decades ago and what is curious, as least to me, is the fact that as I get older, I hear him more and more. Maybe it is the [Read more...]
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The festival of Shavuot draws its origins from our agricultural past. We are told to bring the “first fruits” of harvest in a pilgramage to the Temple. It is only later in our history that [Read more...]
The post Shavuot: For What Are You Hungry? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
It is hard to believe that this Shabbat marks the 50th anniversary of my Ordination. With my classmates we set out for our own spiritual journeys knowing that, after so many years of study and [Read more...]
The post Reflections On 50 Years Since Ordination. appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
One of the most challenging issues that confront us, and our families, has to do with decisions that impact us at the end of life. There is an ever-expanding series of opportunities to have the [Read more...]
The post A TIME TO PREPARE: Jewish Sacred Aging Resource on End of Life Decisions Now Available appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Right now, as you read this, a family in our area is entering the new life stage of caregiver. Indeed, if the statistics are correct, more than one! The AARP cohort, which is really multi-generational [Read more...]
The post Who Will Hold Your Hand? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Tazria comes to us at a most relevant moment. The context of the passage, as many know, deals a lot with the diagnosis and treatment of a skin disease. The priest makes a judgment of unclean [Read more...]
The post Tazria (Leviticus 12:1-13:59) What Are We Afraid Of–2 appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
There are many faces of Haman. Too many, in fact! We celebrate this holiday in merriment, yet, even as the M’gillah is read and carnivals are held, there is something tragic about this year’s celebration. [Read more...]
The post Purim: There Are Many Hamans Now appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
The United States has no comprehensive approach to caregiving or the caregiver. Rabbi Address introduces Caregiver: The Movie" as a starting point for discussions. [Read more...]
The post Alert: The Crisis in Caregiving is Here! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
They are banning books in many states. It seems that some school districts are afraid that young people will read things that adults on the school board, and some parents, feel will corrupt these [Read more...]
The post What Are We Afraid Of? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
How ironic, in a way, that this year’s celebration of Tu B’shvat coincided with Martin Luther King Day. His “dream” seems, sadly, to be fraying. Just within the last week or so (and this [Read more...]
The post Tu B’shvat: What Kind Of Environment Are We Creating? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
There is an old Dan Fogelberg song from 1981 titled “Same Old Lang Syne”. It is an ode to what was and will never be again. I heard this song a few days ago and [Read more...]
The post 2022! Shall We Drink A Toast To Innocence? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
A Great Miracle Happens….. What will those candles of the Channukiah mean to you as you light them this year? Will they be a formality? Will they symbolize material things? Will they allow us [Read more...]
The post A Channukah Thought: A Great Miracle Happens….. appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
This week is Transgender Awareness Week. This issue has, as many of you know, become more openly discussed in recent years. It is being played out in many of our families and, no doubt, many [Read more...]
The post A Blessing For Transitioning Genders appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Guest contributor Catherine S. Fischer described how synagogues can tap into the wisdom and experience of their baby boomer members. [Read more...]
The post Engaging Baby Boomers in Synagogue Life appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Rabbi Phil Cohen discusses the many ways Jewish people approach spirituality and the question of God's existence. [Read more...]
The post Guest Blog Post: God is Irrelevant appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Chaplain Barry Pitegoff discusses ways to heal broken family relationships. [Read more...]
The post Guest Post: Healing the Soul’s Wounds/Yom Kippur 5782 appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Welcome to the new Torah reading cycle. With the conclusion of the Holidays, we begin again our annual journey of discovery. We are at Creation; and it is “good”. This Torah portion is a semester [Read more...]
The post B’reishet: Creating A Mature Spirituality appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
The festival of Sukkot has, for many, had to suffer in the shadow of the High Holidays. We forget that it has a major place in our festival cycle, indeed, often referred to as THE [Read more...]
The post Sukkot 5782: Is It Time To Let Go? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
We have written about the fact that maybe it is time–especially in these times–to recite a litany of blessings during Yom KIppur. This piece came from one of our followers and we invite you focus [Read more...]
The post A Yom Kippur Litany of Blessings…To Be Added After Our “Al Chet”: It’s About Time! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
There is a meditation in one of our prayer books that speaks of the difficulty in singing of “oneness”. The meditation comes as we prepare to recite Kaddish. There is a theme of the importance [Read more...]
The post High Holidays 5782: For The Blessings…… appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
S’lichot, as many of you know, signals the final turn in our calendar to the on rushing High Holidays. Rosh Hoshannah is now before us. Elul is waning and with it the final preparations for [Read more...]
The post For S’lichot: As We Prepare…. appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Shalom. Alden Solovy, the premier poet and creative liturgist in our community has published a prayer on behalf of family caregivers. We have posted examples of other Caregiver prayers and are delighted that Alden gave [Read more...]
The post Family Caregivers: A Prayer from Alden Solovy appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Elul is here. It is the month the leads directly to Rosh Hoshonnah (erev is Sept. 6). It is the month when we are called by tradition to begin our turn of soul and self to [Read more...]
The post Elul 5781: We Begin Our Turn, But To What or To Whom? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Rabbi Susan Elkodsi reflects on the upcoming Tisha B'av observance and its ability to take us from bereavement to redemption and hope. [Read more...]
The post From Bereavement to Redemption and Hope appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
We want to make known to you a very interesting conference that is being held next week, Friday July 16, on Zoom, focusing on a an interfaith approach to how faith leaders have charted a [Read more...]
The post Spiritual Leaders Responding to Covid-19: An Interfaith Dialogue appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Editor’s Note: This essay by Rabbi Norman S. Lipson first appeared in the contributed blogs section of The Times of Israel, and is republished here with Rabbi Lipson’s permission. More than 100 years ago, the [Read more...]
The post America, 2021 appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
I am a believer in the impact of pop culture as an indicator of how things are going and will go in our society. So it was interesting to read a story in the June [Read more...]
The post Post Pandemic Judaism and the Multiple Paths to One’s Truth appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Carole Leskin is reminded of some simple pleasures of life. [Read more...]
The post Seeing Life Through Rose Colored Glasses appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
There is a lot written now regarding trans-gender issues. The subject has continued to get more attention and press during this month. For Boomers and our families this issue is sometimes played out in family [Read more...]
The post For Pride Month, A Blessing on Transitioning appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Like many of you, these past days have been filled with a sense of hopelessness. Between the events in the Middle-East, the continuing childish political theatre of Congress, the tragic relentless consequences of Covid and [Read more...]
The post Can Religion Provide Us Any Hope? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Shalom. We will greet the festival of Shavuot very soon. A time of celebration and, in many congregations, Confirmation. For many the festival is sort of an unofficial end of the program year. Or. at [Read more...]
The post A Shavuot of Transition appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
April 16 marks the annual Health Care Decision Day. This was an idea whose time is very very meaningful. It is a day designed to focus attention on the need for families to have “the [Read more...]
The post National Health Care Decision Day: A Blessing for Signing Your Advanced Directive/Health Care Proxy appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
After about an hour flight, our helicopter dropped us off on the top of a mountain, on a glacier. The sky was a blue that defied description. The air was crisp. There was no sound. [Read more...]
The post Sh’mini (Leviticus 9:1-11:47) The Defeaning Sound of Silence appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
With this Shabbat we close the Festival of Passover. The Torah reading relates the Exodus and the Sea of Reeds. As is tradition, a m’gillah (scroll) is part of the observance of the festival. In this case, [Read more...]
The post Pesach and the Song of Songs: We End The Festival Yearning To Be Needed! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
I doubt many of us would have thought, a year ago, that we would still be planning Zoom seders a year later. Yet, here we are again. When last year we asked “what does all [Read more...]
The post Passover: All I Want For Passover Is………..! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
This double portion brings us to the end of the Book of Exodus. We are overwhelmed by the details of the construction of the mishkan, its furnishings, the work of Betzalel and the elaborate clothing and [Read more...]
The post Va’yek’hel/P’kuday: (Exodus 35:1 to end of Exodus): My Building. My Future? appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Rabbi Simkha Y. Weintraub has given us permission to post his prayer for someone we love who is dealing with Covid. We offer this as we remember the over half million people in this country [Read more...]
The post A Prayer For Loved One Coping With Covid appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
I recently finished a teaching for a congregation as part of a series we called “Sacred Cinema”. The last film I asked them to watch, with Jewish lenses, was “The Wizard of Oz”. The discussion [Read more...]
The post What Is Behind The Curtain: The Wizard and Us! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
Kavod v’Nichum offers two free webinars with Laurie Zoloth, a dynamic and world-renowned professor of Jewish ethics. [Read more...]
The post Kavod v’Nichum webinars on justice in Jewish tradition now available at no cost appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
It is heart month. It is Jewish Disabilities Month. It is a time in the year that many try to focus on issues of health. It deserves focus not for a month, but for every [Read more...]
The post Standing In Life: Our Bodies Our Health, Our Blessing! appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.
As the new administration stands ready to take control, we understand that there will be a moment to pause and remember all those who have died as a result of the pandemic (as I write [Read more...]
The post We Remember. We Honor appeared first on Jewish Sacred Aging.