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Sam Davidson - Leadership Does
Thoughts and interviews to help you take the action needed to help others, lead well, and make an impact.
Don’t make it hard to leave. Make it easy to stay.
Groups that set up ridiculous barriers and restrictions to leave aren’t a community. Thinking that you’ll be better off with people who stay put because of rules and regulations you’ve made is coercive at best and cultish at worst.
Groups that set up meaningful and purposeful reasons to stay embody the best of community. They know they are better off when people freely choose to stay put because of the connections and kindness they experience regularly.
Build more tables and fewer fences.
You don’t join a community because it makes things easy. You join it because it makes things better.
It’s not easy to find group consensus.
It’s not easy to let every voice be heard.
It’s not easy to coordinate schedules.
It’s not easy to sit with hard questions.
It’s not easy to embrace those who are different.
It’s not easy to move in the same direction.
It’s not easy to wait for everyone else.
But it’s better.
You can get lost in a crowd; you should be found in a community.
If you want to know whether or not the group you’re a part of is actually a community, check and see how easy it is for someone to fade into the background.
If you’re rarely noticed or the only thing that matters about you is a data point (attendance, revenue, visits), then you’re in a crowd.
But if you’re known by your name, if people notice when you’re gone or not contributing, when other members listen to a story rather than calculate a number, congrats: you’re in a community.
Crowds obscure; communities discover.
Quick fixes often result in quick breaks (again).
This is why community isn’t a quick fix for what’s missing: a better job, a happier environment, deeper meaning in life, accountability, encouragement, hope.
If you want to feel busy, go for the quick fix. It usually only leads to a “repair and repeat” mentality so you’ll be busy again in no time.
But if you want to feel productive, opt for the slow fix. Take your time finding a community and diving in. Your patience will result in something that will need steady attention but never crisis management.
Best of all, you’ll spend time growing instead of fixing.
Knowledge is power? Only when converted to wisdom via the action of a community.
Shallow community fears knowledge. New information and facts threaten their control so rather than change they intimidate, belittle, and deny.
Deep community embraces knowledge. New information and facts enhance their ability to change so they listen, learn, and move forward.
When we know better, we can do better.
Community should never force you to do something you don’t want to do. But it should support you in doing something you never thought you could do.
The best communities don’t rely on threats to motivate you (“Do this or else!”). Rather, they rely on possibility (“Do this see what else is possible!”).
Find a community that doesn’t threaten the worst but rather brings out the best.
Is your community growing?
If you answer that question by only measuring headcount, you didn’t answer the question fully.
Consider these other metrics as well:
- meaning
- buy in
- longevity
- word of mouth
- pride
- impact
- change
- curiosity
- belonging
Breadth is how rookies keep score; depth is what leaders measure.
Fear shows up uninvited; courage only when asked.
In an new situation, fear comes along, daring you to give in and retreat to where it feels safer and less risky: alone.
But if you ask, courage will show up, too. It usually comes in the form of other people, namely deeply community.
And because it brings others, it always stays. Fear soon leaves, off to find someone else it thinks it can trick.
But courage stays.
Ordinary people who are part of deep community produce extraordinary results.
Extraordinary people who are part of shallow community produce ordinary results.
We rise or fall to the standard of excellence set by our communities.
Community lightens the load, but won’t carry it all.
There is no better way to share a burden than with community. But don’t do so hoping that community will swoop in, save the day, and leave you relaxed and carefree.
Deep community simply says, “We’re here to help. We’ll be by your side on this journey together.”
If you want community to be your cheat code and tell you all the answers, you’ll be sorely disappointed. But if you want community to be your sidekick and study partner, you’ll do better than you ever imagined.
Community should protect, but not coddle.
Community should celebrate, but not pander.
Community should shine, but not overshadow.
Community should correct, but not condescend.
Community should stand firm, but not dominate.
The journey to better happens together.
Great communities punch up and pull up.
They punch up by challenging the structures and institutions bigger and more powerful. They advocate and push to change systems so everyone wins.
They pull up by lifting the organizations and groups smaller and less powerful. They help and listen so they can leverage their power to change systems so everyone wins.
Being in the middle is a unique position and great communities don’t waste that opportunity.
Hold your people tighter than you hold your opinions.
Better to be swayed by the wisdom of crowds than chained to a belief that no longer serves you.
Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come, backed by a community whose moment is now.
Sometimes you will carry your community.
Sometimes your community will carry you.
Most often you’ll be walking in lockstep alongside one another.
At all times you will be headed in the same direction.
Community turns obstacles into stepping stones.
You can’t get where you need to go alone. There’s too much standing in your way.
So if you’re going to go on this journey, take your community with you. You were both built for this.
Community won’t remove the mountain, but it will help you get to the top.
“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”
That’s half true.
It still is what you know (don’t be a dummy), and it still is who you know.
But authentic community also means it’s really who you know and who they know (and who they know).
Things may not always go according to plan, but they will always go according to community.
So if you want to be better, don’t just try harder. Try harder with the people who make you better.
Community leaders: inspiration works better than intimidation.
Intimidation says, “Rise to the standard I’ve set for you.” It tries to motivate using external factors.
Inspiration says, “Rise to the standard you’ve set for yourself.” It tries to motivate using internal factors.
Leadership isn’t getting someone to be who you want them to be. It’s getting them to be who they were destined to be.
Ownership is a better motivator than blame.
Effective community leaders use failure as a chance to teach by leveraging the beneifits of ownership. “Who will step up to make this better?” they ask.
Ineffective community leaders use failure as a chance to chastise by leveraging the convenience of blame. “Whose fault is this?” they ask.
You’ll know you’re in deep community when people want to stay to make things better rather than leave because that makes things easier.
Shallow community stays in shallow water. “Can’t sink if the seas stay calm,” they say, choosing easy wins over meaningful accomplishments.
But deep community ventures into deep water. “Yes, it’s risky,” they say, “but out team is ready, our captain is wise, our sails have been tested, and the vessel is sound.” They choose complex rewards over simple achievements.
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” - John A. Shedd
When you worry about the credit, you forget about the goal.
In deep communities, members focus less on who is getting recognition and more on what gets done.
In shallow communities, members focus more on the recognition rather than the results.
“What’s in it for me?” will never get you as far as “What’s in it for us?”
Don’t join a community that gets attention; join a community that gets you.
While headlines and fame are tempting and seem like they add prestige, deep community isn’t built on notoriety.
Rather, deep community is built on noticing. It sees the parts of you that it can learn from, as well as the parts of you that need to learn something.
Deep community doesn’t yell, “Look at us!” Instead, it calmly says, “I see you.”
Community won’t necessarily add more hours to your life but it will add more life to your hours.
There is no shortage of advice and tips, shortcuts and hacks, techniques and tricks, all of which promise to optimize and maximize your time.
And while that may offer you the advantage of time, the bigger question is how will you find meaning in your newfound moments?
Answer: community.
Grind, then glory. In that order.
Deep community worries less about who gets credit and more about what gets done.
Shallow community, on the other hand, worries less about the task at hand and more about who’s getting a hand.
Find a place that wants to team up to do big things, rather than one that wants to split up to get small attention.
Community can be your who, how, where, and why something gets done. Nothing else can offer so much.
But the when? That’s always going to be up to you.
Community can teach you how to skydive, give you a parachute, and even fly you up several thousand feet in the air.
But only you can jump.
Empathy gets you farther than jealousy.
While someone else’s accomplishments can be motivating, jealousy makes the journey less enjoyable. “Why can’t I be like them?!?” you rant.
On the other hand, empathy lets you travel lighter. “I wonder what all they did to get there?” you ask.
Deep community helps root out jealousy and instead embraces radical empathy. Better to walk a mile in someone’s shoes than just wish they were in your closet.
Shovels over dump trucks.
When the chips are down and the going gets tough, two groups of people show up.
The first is there with a dump truck. They back it up and pile it on. These are not your people.
The second is there with shovels. They roll up their sleeves and get to work. These are your people.
Deep community looks like work and smells like compassion.
Community hack:
There are none.
Show up, be vulnerable, give grace, eat together, offer patience, practice gratitude.
You’ll get there.
The best time to start building your community was ten years ago.
The second best time is today.
I get it. Sometimes you just don’t “feel” like doing community.
Good thing community isn’t based on how you feel, but rather who you want to become.
When the world is full of uncertainty, be certain of your community.
When things look scary, find courage in your community.
When the haters tear you down, let community build you up.
When circumstances put you against the odds, change the odds with community.
May community be the bedrock as you grow and build into the person you were meant to be, no matter how you may feel in a given moment.
Those who move mountains are those who understand the power of a thousand people moving a thousand pebbles a thousand times.
If it’s only up to you it’ll never get done. But if it’s up to your community you’ll do more than you ever imagined.
Opportunity knocks. But you still have to answer.
Deep community honors the closing of a door and works together to open a new one. It celebrates possibility.
Shallow community fights against the closing of a door and shames those who want to open another. It fears opportunity.
“It’s the end of an era.” Good. What’s next?
The point of accountability is growth, not blame.
Deep community demands accountability, but with an ethic of grace. It always seeks to understand the person behind the action.
Shallow community demands accountability, but with an ethic of blame. It always seeks to ridicule the person behind the action.
More grace, more growth.
Sometimes the achievement isn’t what you accomplished but rather who you met.
Shallow community is focused only on results: “Show me the numbers so we can see if we won.”
Deep community is focused on growth: “Tell me the story so we can see if we got better.”
If you didn’t accomplish what you needed to this time, did you at least meet and gather the people to be successful next time?
When you fail, you get to decide what happens next.
Shallow community takes failure and turns it into shame. What happens next is belittlement, ridicule, and blame.
Deep community takes failure and turns it into education. What happens next is analysis, change, and growth.
Failure can be just one small step on the long journey to success. If you let it.
Healthy community should simultaneously drain and fill you.
Shallow community only exhausts. It takes and demands without offering anything to recharge and refuel you.
Deep community equally takes and gives. It will demand much, but always offers more. Deep community lets you show up, unload and deburden, while offering energy and inspiration so you can face everything.
Often times the bigger legacy isn’t what you accomplished, but who you accomplished it with.
The best answer to “How?” is “Who.”
If you can’t offer a guarantee, offer transparency.
Shallow community leaders say, “Trust me,” but lose trust instantly by not offering accountability.
Deep community leaders say, “Trust me, and here’s why,” and then provide insight and background.
Trust doesn’t happen when asked; it happens when given.
Want something to last longer? Find the meaning behind it rather then the fun in it.
We as humans have an odd relationship to the memory of feelings.
We usually forget how fun something was. This is why we chase high after high and thrill after thrill.
We also forget how painful something was. This is why some people have more than one child.
But we rarely forget how much something meant. Significance seems to stick around.
Deep community promises more meaning than fun (and than pain). Impact beats excitement.
Stay hungry; but don’t get so hungry you become desperate.
Deep communities stay hungry. They continually fight to improve, grow, include, and change.
Shallow communities get desperate. They lose sight of what matters and chase headlines, trends, popularity, and controversy.
Hunger leads you to satisfaction, fuel, and growth. Desperation leads you to compromise, confusion, and burn out.
Is your community sacrificing intimacy for intensity?
It can be fun, exciting, and novel to be a part of a high-intensity community. They get attention and headlines, they do fun stuff, and it feels like the volume is turned all the way up.
But high-intimacy communities are better. They get less attention and fewer headlines, but they do important stuff. And no need to shout; they’re listening.
Chase intensity and you’ll run out of energy. Chase intimacy and you’ll never run alone.
Get you a community that prefers lit candles over dark corners.
Deep community has an ethic of celebration. When one member achieves success, it is celebrated and honored, not diminished or belittled. Deep community knows that one member’s candle shining bright illuminates the entire group’s path.
Shallow community has an ethic of jealousy. When one member achieves success, it is questioned and minimized, not cheered or championed. Shallow community fears that one member’s candle shining bright brings attention to those whose aren’t.
Many candles light many paths.
Perfect communities go nowhere fast.
Beware the community that claims to have no hiccups or speed bumps, wrong turns or dead ends. The only way for that to be true is if you stay put and don’t try to move forward.
No mistakes are usually evidence of no progress.
Give me the community in the driver’s seat, willing to have to stop and ask for directions, gas up, turn around, and try again. Give me the group making some errors but still moving forward.
Give me adventure.
Community doesn’t help you reach the goal; community is the goal.
The end game of joining and committing to a community isn’t that you get something - money, fame, success, allure, prestige, riches, ease, wealth.
The end game of joining and committing to a community is that you get the community.
When it comes to community, there is no better teacher than another person.
If you want to learn facts, read. If you want to learn community, ask.
Conversations with humans will never be as fast or convenient as asking Siri or Alexa, or typing your question to Google or AI. But they’ll always be more meaningful and memorable.
Community isn’t built on convenience. It’s built on connection.
Make history, not headlines.
Shallow community does whatever is necessary to get attention in the moment. They’re loud, controversial, arrogant, and flagrant. They find what moves newspapers and try to dominate those headlines.
Deep community does whatever is necessary to improve things for good. They’re thoughtful, deliberate, inclusive, and meaningful. They find what moves hearts and try to appeal to those better instincts.
Some - very rarely - make headlines while making history. But in those instances, their focus was on the legacy of history and not the popularity of headlines.
And history, not headlines, cement a legacy.
The Tennessee Three are standing on the right side of history.
Community should have more dreams than memories.
Beware the group that scares you into thinking its best days are behind it.
Embrace the community that inspires you into thinking its best days are ahead.
Shiny metals get attention. Strong metals move mountains.
Shallow community prioritizes what’s new over what’s deep. Distracted by the gloss, they forget about what’s true.
Deep community prioritizes what’s true over what’s novel. Committed to their goals, they focus on the tools to get them there.
Don’t trade what what you need for what someone else says you want.
Your community isn’t where you go to hide from the world.
It’s where you go to face the world.
Not because your community eliminates your fear; because it multiplies your courage.
You can tell me what you believe, but I’m going to watch what you do.
A community’s values aren’t found in its mission statement or emblazoned on its homepage.
Dress codes, dues, attendance, recitals, pledges, memorizations, diet, vernacular - these all scream your true values more listing “leadership, integrity, courage” on the back of a business card.
A community’s values are found in its requirements.
Charity is giving what you have to meet a need.
Community is sharing what you need to meet a need.
Shallow community is built upon a dividing line. “Look at how they’re different,” they scream.
Deep community is built upon a common ground. “Look at how we’re alike,” they wonder.
Divisiveness creates fear; compassion creates meaning.
Don’t run away from your problems. Simply run toward your community.
When you do, you’ll realize that the solution you needed wasn’t denial, but dependence.
The only way out is with.
The absolute fastest way to build community is tragedy (although I don’t recommend it).
This is because sudden uncertainty activates the need within us to connect with others.
Connection is our superpower as humans. We dominate the food chain not because we are the fastest or biggest. We have no natural body armor and cannot blend into our surroundings.
We win by working together.
And the best way forward to something better is together.
Tragedy reminds us in an instant what matters most. May we not rely on such devastating and jolting reminders but rather do the daily work to show up, reach out, and pitch in.
Then, when tragedy strikes (which it inevitably will), the very thing we need is close at hand to get us through.
Deep community is priceless.
Shallow community is worthless.
The key is to know the difference and invest accordingly.
When fear shouts, shout back.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Oh, but what if it does?!”
“What if I fall?”
“Oh, but what if you fly?!”
“What if they laugh at me?”
“Oh, but what if they love you?!”
When faced alone, fear roars. When faced together, fear whispers.
Communities that achieve the most align the best.
Gather all the all-stars you want. Invest in the best tools money can buy. Cover the place with every motivational quote you can think of.
It’ll never be enough if you don’t also make sure everyone is pointed in the same direction.
An unaligned goal is nothing more than a wish.
Private risks have private gains.
Public risks have public gains.
Communal risks have communal gains.
What’s in it for me?
Dream bigger.
What’s in it for us?
A group says, “Come join us. Add to our numbers.”
A community says, “Come join us. Add to our depth.”
Groups find meaning in numbers; community finds meaning in connection.
If you just need a place to be, join a group. If you need a place to be you, find a community.
Leaders of shallow community demand obedience.
Leaders of deep community encourage excellence.
Standards achieve more than threats.
If you want to be smart, read a book.
If you want to be wise, join a community.
Knowledge comes from consumption. Information in; application out.
Wisdom comes from interaction. Experience in; transformation out.
You don’t have to live all the lessons to learn them.
Community is never (just) a place.
Community is always a people.
If you’re spending more time improving facilities rather than the people who work, gather, eat, sleep, or dream in them, then your investments are being mismanaged.
People over places.
Shallow community looks; deep community sees.
It’s not enough to be acknowledged. Find a place where you can be appreciated.
And leaders: head nods and high fives won’t cut it. Questions and acceptance are needed if you want to build commited teams.
Your community shouldn’t only make you a better person when you’re together.
It should make you a better person when you’re apart as well.
Be the kind of person your community is proud to claim.
Bad communities critique (takes about two minutes).
Shallow communities consume (takes about two hours).
Deep communities create (takes about two years).
Want to be liked by everyone? Stay shallow.
Want to be loved by a few? Go deep.
The narrower the application, the narrower the appreciation.
Build or lead something for a handful of people and you’ll be appreciated by a handful people.
But that appreciation will be deep. A narrow audience or team means you can go deeper emotionally and communally, creating deeper impact.
On the other hand, building something for a lot of people may increase adoption, but not depth. Too many people and uses and not enough time or bandwidth for you to meaningfully connect with all of them.
Both options allow you to make an impact; the choice is which one you prefer.
Craters last longer than footprints.
Community leaders: please encourage ethic before you encourage execution.
Moving fast is meaningless if you don’t also move with purpose.
Teams who take time to know why they’re doing what they’re doing end up in the right place more quickly.
There is strength in numbers.
There is power in relationships.
I know of no simpler way to summarize the advantages of community.
You can motivate your community with fear, or you can motivate your community with hope.
With fear, they believe in your power.
With hope, they believe in their own power.
Fear lasts for a minute (because they’ll soon realize you’re not that powerful). Hope lasts forever (because they’ll soon realize they’re powerful beyond what they imagined).
Communities want a reason to believe, not a reason to hide.
If you have the energy to complain, you should have the courage to help.
Community members and leaders have every right to point out what’s wrong and not working. But then they also have the responsibility to get to work and improve it.
Criticism is a spectator sport. Anyone can call out problems.
But the brave ones step on the field and give it all they have to fight for what matters.
You want a community that’s:
- big enough to know how
- smart enough to know why
- experienced enough to know when
But still small enough to know you.
You don’t need the perfect community, just the right one. (Right place, right size, right people, right fit.)
If you’re working hard to grow your community, remember: if people are the bricks, empathy is the mortar.
Nothing will hold people together like a common understanding and grace for who they are and what they’re facing.
Not discounts or free parking or branded water bottles or cool gadgets or pizza in the break room.
Empathy is the ultimate retention tool.
Proof of your community’s values aren’t found in its mission statement but rather its financial statement.
You can tell me your values as much as you’d like; open your calendar and your wallet and that should be the full picture of what you value the most.
Show me where your time and money went and I’ll show you what you’re prioritizing. Yeah, you all set some goals; but did you actually chase them?
Groups make headlines; communities make impact.
If you’re trying to find where you belong, go deep with a community that is looking to actually change things rather than just rant about them.
Effective communities know that to make a difference they need the right people in the room for a very long time. They’re focused on deep connection over time.
Groups that want to make headlines just want to find a lot of people for a very short amount of time. They’re looking for anyone who will show shallow interest for the moment and then move on.
Make waves, not splashes. Be the moon, not a pebble.
When I show up, my community comes with me.
Not physically (we’d need a bigger table). But relationally. Conceptually.
And yours comes with you. So the potential of us meeting and dreaming together doesn’t lie just in what the two of us can do, but what the two of us with our communities can do.
You can’t do it alone. But you weren’t meant to. What a relief.
Groups criticize, communities critique.
Criticism gives power to the one judging. It often belittles and demeans and is used as a tool to elevate the status of one over the other. It creates distance by saying, “You’re not good enough.”
Critique gives power to the one creating. It often improves and helps and is used as a tool to elevate the status of the work over what it once was. It creates connection by saying, “You have a lot of potential.”
Groups tear down, communities build up. If you’re not among people who are making you better you’re by default among people who are making you worse. Time to move.
Community should be part of your plan, not just part of your emergency.
Yes; you build community so you have somewhere to run when the unexpected happens. You need water to put out the fire.
But you also build community so you can prevent the need to run so often. You need to stop playing with matches.
Community accepts you as you are, but it refuses to let you stay as you are. It knows you can be the best version of yourself.
A group says, “Look at the size of our membership.”
A community says, “Look at the depth of our membership.”
Very few notable accomplishments are won with breadth. More often they are won with depth - people working alongside one another with a common cause deeply embedded within them.
A collective purpose, rather than a collective size, pushes them to great achievement.
When the going gets tough, the group gets smaller but the community gets tougher.
The best time to start building community was yesterday.
The second best time is today.
Build your community before you need it.
Sure, you could hope that you’re at the right place at the right time.
And you may get lucky a time or two and beat the odds of success.
You might even happen upon a golden opportunity or once-in-a-lifetime chance.
But wouldn’t you rather dwell in the right place (so any time is the right time)?
And wouldn’t you rather change the odds than beat them?
Or get a bunch-in-a-lifetime opportunities?
Then don’t hope to get lucky. Just get in community.
Luck is not a strategy. Community is.
Correlation doesn’t equal causality.
Neither does coincidence.
But community does.
The height of my success is directly related to the depth of my community.
Not because I’m lucky. And definitely not because I’m good.
Because I’m deeply rooted in community.
The path to where you want to be is paved with good community.
Your intentions don’t matter as much as your surroundings.
You can intend to kick a habit, improve a skill, change a job, write a book, or start a company. But if you’re not surrounding yourself with a community who makes that easier for you, your intentions are merely wishful thinking.
Those who are successful - who accomplish goals and dreams - are those who don’t only intend to make a change but those who also surround themselves with a community to be their strength when they are weak, their sounding board when they are stuck, and their compass when they are lost.
Go ahead and make big plans. That’s still Step 1. Just make sure surrounding yourself with deep community is Step 2.
Looking for a community to join? I hope you find the perfect one.
I don’t mean a perfect one. Without flaws. In fact, if you find a perfect community, DON’T JOIN IT. Since you’re full of flaws, you may ruin it.
But you probably can find the perfect community. For you. Flaws and all.
The perfect one that meets your needs right now. That is the perfect place for you to contribute your unique skills and gifts. The perfect one for what you’re facing during this season of life. The perfect one to complement what you’re lacking. The perfect one to help you belong in a deep and meaningful way.
Perfection is out there. But it’s all relative. As it should be.
The community that seems to thrive when there’s drama will eventually resort to manufacturing drama in order to thrive.
Avoid these communities.
Instead embrace the communities that thrive on excellence, inclusion, progress, hope, unity, and possibility. Run toward the communities that manufacture these.
You become what surrounds you.
Effective community leaders use a microscope on themselves and a telescope on others.
The work of leadership often starts with self examination. Only when you know your shortcomings and your flaws can you start the work of improvement.
The work of leadership also involves finding the talent that is often overlooked, highlighting its features, and bringing awareness to its possibility. Great leaders showcase what others miss.
Confusing the tools (a telescope on yourself and a microscope on others) leads to conflict and derision.
Great leaders hog the blame and share the credit.
Deep community takes time. In fact, it may literally take forever.
Fast community is often built by skipping vital steps, compromising safety, and forcing a level of meaning that many aren’t ready for. As a result, any bonds that may seemed to have formed will erode away as quickly as the community appeared to be built.
The community that is built fast fades fast.
On the other hand, the community who takes time to define what it means to include others, who establishes thoughtful guidelines and norms so all members feel safe when vulnerable, and who does the work of creating experiences that offer growth and meaning - that community lasts exponentially longer than the time it took to set those parameters in place.
How long will this take? Half as long as you want to last.
Deep community rests on a bed of generosity.
But remember: the giver isn’t the only one who can determine what generosity is. You may be giving something, but this is only half of the generosity math.
The recipient must view what you’re giving as a gift. Only then have you been generous.
So take note in all the things you may give hoping to build community: advice, money, opportunity, obligation, expectations, time. Are you being truly generous if the other person doesn’t understand what you’re giving to be a real gift?
This is why “What do you need?” builds community faster than “Here’s what I have.”
I talk and write a lot about the idea of ROC: Return on Community.
Leaders want to know: “If I spend time and money building community, or if I dedicate a person or team to this, when will it pay off?”
Fair question, but ultimately short-sighted.
When you focus on community, you’ll see better outcomes not merely because you can tell everyone you’re focusing on community. You’ll see better outcomes because you’re really focusing on your people. And your people now have a renewed sense of purpose, feel like they belong somewhere, and have somewhere to turn to when things get difficult.
Remember: the ultimate goal of deep community isn’t to help you get you what you want. It’s to help you become who you want to be.
And once you’re the kind of person you want to be, it’s much easier to get what you want.
The quest for community…
…is ongoing.
…travels a long road.
…will have obstacles.
…may feel lonely at times.
…will demand much from you.
…might cost something.
…can feel heavy.
…has no shortcuts.
…is aways worth it.
And you won’t arrive unless you start.
The leader least likely to be trusted? The one who says “Trust me.”
The leader most likely to be trusted? The one who shows up and does the work.
The one who asks, “How can I help?” and says “I don’t know but I’ll find out.” and “I messed up. But I’ll do better.”
Trust is never mandated. It is only ever given.
Community leaders: in order to get someone to stay, they first have to belong.
If your employees are leaving, or community members are visiting other options, or volunteers aren’t showing up as much, it’s likely due to a lack of belonging more than it is the shiny bells and whistles of a competitor.
But no one leaves somewhere they don’t belong to. They were never home in the first place.
The leader’s first task, then, is to create a sense of belonging well before the leader needs to create an argument to keep someone. And the work of belonging is ongoing, making sure each person finds connection and meaning as part of the community.
Make the case to stay long before they make the case to leave.
Anyone can allow.
Some communities may accept.
Deep communities appreciate.
The existence of differences (in perspective, experience, race, belief, outlook, background) doesn’t automatically lead to diversity or richness in a community. The appreciation of those differences does.
When a group is willing to move from saying they’re different to celebrating what’s different, it moves from a gathering to a community.
Bells and whistles can generate interest. But only an invitation can generate commitment.
If you want to get someone to join your community or cause, just ask.
Work hard on features and benefits, ROI and competitive advantage. But never, ever forget to work on asking people to step inside and come alongside.
No one joins anything without an invitation.
Give and take abounds. Tit for tat and backscratching and the like.
After all, you won’t feel like you’re a part of a community until you get something.
But you won’t feel like a community is a part of you until you give something.
Shallow community takes; deep community gives.
Shallow community asks, “What can you do for me today?”
Deep community asks, “What could we do for each other eventually?”
If you’re only focused on what you can get out of this moment, that’s not a community. That’s a transaction.
But if you’re focused on what everyone could get out of this relationship, then you have a chance to build meaningful connections that pay dividends for years.
Your future self thanks you for the present community you’re building.
Workplace engagement is at an all time low as more than 2/3 of employees now feel disengaged at work.
One of the best ways to change those odds? Connection.
Often, someone is only disengaged at work because they’re disengaged from the community that’s possible there. No connections to peers. No relationships with supervisors or subordinates. No community taking deep root and helping them find and pursue a higher purpose or mission.
Create flexible work environments. Improve the perks and challenges. But don’t do that without also focusing on the connections and community made possible by a common workspace or company.
People don’t leave hard jobs. They leave lonely ones.
The best community leaders don’t just provide an outlook; they also look out.
Leadership means casting a vision and telling the community where it should be going and the work needed to get there.
But great community leadership also means looking out for each member to make sure they have the support needed to help the group be its best.
If your leader isn’t looking out for others then they are only looking out for themselves. In which case it’s time to find a new one.
Your ability to accomplish your dreams will be directly related to your community. Therefore, align your dreams and community accordingly.
Got a big dream? Get a big community.
Got a dream that requires speed or money? Get a fast or wealthy community.
If your dream needs empathy, science, marketing, or enthusiasm, align yourself with a community that has that in spades.
Step 1: Dream.
Step 2: Jump deep into a community to match.
When you are most uncertain about the world, may you find certainty in your community.
When you are not confident in yourself, may you find confidence in your community.
When you are unambitious about your future, may you find ambition in your community.
When you feel lost, may you find home in your community.
When you feel hopeless may you find hope in your community.
When you feel your weakest, may you find strength in your community.
And when you feel least like yourself, may you find identity in your community.
Deep communities do three things well:
- Asking before assuming
- Listening before judging
- Measuring before deciding
Acting in the opposite order creates cliques and in-groups (shallow communities). If you want a place that matters, then the order that you take action matters, too.
Effective community leaders aren’t those who can just tell people what to do.
They are those who can show people how to be.
Maybe we’ll remember what you said; we’ll never forget what you did.
Sometimes, the work of community is to create the room where it happens. A deep community can bring people and ideas together that have the potential to change the world.
Other times, the work of community is to create room for it to happen. A deep community can get out of the way so people and ideas have the space to change the world.
Effective community leaders know which situation calls for them to make room or make a room.
In the early stages of a deep community, leaders should put focus on work ethic before work execution.
Make sure your community believes in core values and principles first: hard work, trust, empathy, sound fundamentals, charity, hustle, self-improvement, etc.
Then you can turn your eyes toward execution and results. Then you can keep score, measure progress, set and track big goals, and grow ROI or margin.
If the output is off, adjust the input. Don’t yell at the machine.
Deep and authentic community won’t ask you to be more than you are. It knows who you are and doesn’t expect you to change.
But deep community also won’t allow you to be less than you are. It knows who you are and expects you to rise to your highest potential.
Don’t join a community hoping to disappear. Join a community eager to thrive.
A community isn’t a place where everyone looks alike (or thinks, talks, and acts alike).
Deep community is a place where each member looks (and thinks, talks, and acts) like themselves.
The work of community is to sift through the differences and discover commonality.
If you can’t be yourself in a given community then you’re not in a community (you’re in a cult).
A quick primer on what makes a community a community.
Three things must be present, usually in this order:
- Safety
- Growth
- Meaning
We form communities for a feeling of protection and safety. Then, we use communities to learn and improve. And then our communities help us find purpose and values.
The presence of all three are what separate deep communities from mere interest groups or crowds.
Work patiently and deliberately on these three attributes and you’ll have a community that can accomplish great things.
Your community needs to show up before it’s ready to scale up.
Whether you’re trying to grow a company, a church, a volunteer group, or a fan base this year, you can’t get big until you first get deep.
Passionate members recruit passionsate members; lukewarm members recruit no one.
So before you grow, make sure your current people are committed.
Don’t focus on the amount of people in your community until you’ve focused on the amount of community in your people.
There is only one direction your community should be headed: up.
The first role of community is to speak up. For those without voices, to injustice, and for what is right.
The second role of community is to step up. To leap into action, to lend a hand, and to make things right.
Speaking down and stepping down are not the signs of a vibrant and meaningful community.
Deep community should always be on the rise.
Communities that succeed don’t just give people something to do.
They give people something to do that matters.
There is no shortage of ways to spend our time: watching TV and other media, traveling, attending parties, learning new skills or hobbies, shopping - the list goes on.
But spending time in ways that matter? That’s where most of us need help.
It’s easy to fill our calendar; what we need help on is filling our purpose.
Get all the schooling you want. Rack up LinkedIn certificates and continuing ed credits. Learn a new language and take up some hobbies. Make strategic career moves and collect new job titles. All of these may open the door to new opportunities in 2023.
But if you want to rip the door off the hinges when opportunity knocks, go deep in a community. Nothing creates chances for growth, change, and success like other people.
Past performance is not an indicator of future results. But present community is.
We often mistake validation for belonging.
Social media tricks us into thinking what we need is validation - another like or repost that shows our ideas and stories have merit.
But those hits don’t last long and we’re soon at it again, hustling for another high based on views or mentions. We’re chasing raindrops with a teacup, dying of thirst.
Rather, we need belongoing that is only found in deep community. We need our cup to run over with acceptance and security, closeness and meaning.
Chasing validation is exhausting; chasing community is invigorating.
The highest goal of a given community isn’t to continually be better than another community. It’s to continually be better than itself.
If your team, organization, church, or group just wants to be better, bigger, or richer than “them”, it’s time to find a new goal.
The bar of success isn’t set one degree higher than someone else. It’s set at the height of your own potential.
With out culture’s collective focus right now (these next 10 days or so) on newness and beginnings, now is as good a time as any to find a new community. To find a group of people that will help you become the person you’re dreaming of being.
But you can also spend this time and energy where you are, getting more out of a community you’re already a part of.
- You could give more time.
- You could ask more questions.
- You could be more present.
- You could recruit someone new.
- You could make showing up a top priority.
Joining is easy; growing is harder. Out with the old should be a last resort.
If you fall in a pit, there are two ways to get out:
- one strong person pulls you up by one strong rope
- ten regular people pull you up by ten regular ropes, banded together
Both get you out of the pit. And different circumstances may determine which method you have available.
But each requires that you do the work of building community before you find yourself at the bottom.
Community can offer a sense of place.
Deep community should also offer a sense of purpose.
Distractions abound that will lure you away from what you really need.
If what’s missing for you is community, you won’t be satisfied until you find it.
A community-sized hole can’t be filled with a distraction-sized plug.
Sometimes community needs to stand up and speak out.
And sometimes community needs to sit down and listen up.
Great leadership is knowing which moments call for what.
The reach of a community is tied to its breadth.
The resilience of a community is tied to its depth.
An average community works to beat the odds. Despite the chances, they create success for themselves.
A deep community works hard to change the odds. Despite the chances, they create success for themselves and others.
The success of a community should be measured by those who come two generations later.
Just because your community is getting bigger doesn’t mean it’s better.
And just because it’s getting smaller doesn’t mean it’s getting worse.
But if it’s not getting deeper, it won’t go farther.
Size isn’t the goal; progress is.
Proceed with caution toward the community that promises spectacle: shiny new this, innovative new that.
But run with abandon toward the community that promises significance: deep connection, lasting relationships.
Spectacle fades; significance endures.
Community can certainly help you accomplish things that are big and bold. But it can also help you manage things that are small and steady.
Mountaintops and highlights are impressive, but valleys and routine are frequent. Find a deep community that gets you through the ordinary as much as it does the remarkable.
Communities that concentrate power and authority in the team - and not a single leader - do more, grow faster, and build better.
Power shared is power multiplied.
Shallow community leaders hog the spotlight: “Look at me!”
Deep community leaders operate the spotlight: “Look at you!”
We all just want to be seen. That happens fastest in a community that looks outward more than inward.
Make sure your community has leadership that values curiosity over skepticism.
Both are open to asking questions, but skepticism fears loss while curiosity values learning.
“What can they possibly teach us?” will never get your community as far as “What can we learn from them?”
Leaders of shallow community are easily swayed by opinion and seldom moved by facts. What is noisiest is what gets attention.
Leaders of deep community are thoughtfully moved by facts and seldom moved by rage. What is truest is what gets attention.
Steady over shiny.
Deep community leaders don’t just get people to join. They also get them to stay.
Prioritize the work of retention as much as you do the allure of attraction.
Asking for help isn’t an admission of weakness. It’s a recognition of the strength that lies outside of you but inside of your community.
The easiest way to get something done is simply “not alone.”
I recently finished Make Art Make Money by Elizabeth Hyde Stevens, a detailed look at Jim Henson’s business career.
We all know the name behind The Muppets, but what were his business philosophies that shaped his companies? And what lessons can us creative-types learn from him?
Elizabeth Hyde Stevens breaks it all down. Below are some of my takeaways from the book.
The chief tension for the creative within capitalism is that they are “an artisan working in a gift economy but trying to survive in a market economy.”
“If you are turned off by the greed and avarice of the business world, know that part of the problem is that you - artists - aren’t there yet in great enough numbers.”
“One does not rid the temple of the money-changers by singing alone; one expels them by occupying the space they currently hold and keeping it. It is time for the faithful to reenter the market.”
Jim Henson “found a way to make art and money dance.”
The formula:
- Make art.
- Make art make money.
- Make money make art.”
“Profit for art is usually a long-term prospect.”
“Reconsider selling out as quite possibly buying you time later to be more pure. Know that in order to sell out, you might need a handle for the masses to grasp your idea, but once you have it, your audience will follow you into any strange and darkened corner of your imagination - into places you never thought possible.”
“How many hours a day does an artist work on his art? All of them.”
“I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism, but it has always worked out for me.” - Jim Henson
“Don’t listen to your friends who tell you they like leaving their work at work. They don’t have the same dream you do. They want the comfortable thing. You want the great thing.”
“When should you hire someone else to work with you? As soon as you can. Hiring someone means you believe in your business. It makes you accountable to someone else, and it makes you work harder than you would if it were just your own neck on the line. There is power in numbers. Henson had great power, but it came from generosity. If you want a job like Henson’s, you need to give someone else a job.”
“Because in order to leave a lasting legacy, you don’t want to die with the most money in your account; you want to leave behind pieces of work that feel as alive as you once were.”
“It is something that separates the successful artist from the starving artist - the ability to sell oneself effectively.”
“By being fearless, hardworking, generous, and calm, Henson’s attitude spread out in a contagious way to those around him.”
Leaders of shallow communities love to use microscopes. They zoom in and find every blemish and imperfection.
Leaders of deep communities love to use telescopes. They zoom out and find every wonder and possibility.
Don’t follow someone unless you know what tools they’re working with.
Deep community makes two things possible:
You can lose yourself. “I can be fully who I am!”
You can find yourself. “I can become fully who I’m meant to be!”
Don’t seek deep community in the hopes that once you find it your life will be perfect.
Rather, seek deep community in the hopes that once you find it your heart will be full.
A full heart is a perfect life.
Nothing creates lasting impact like genuine relationships.
And nothing creates genuine relationships like deep community.
And nothing creates deep community like authentic connections.
And nothing creates authentic connections like meaningful stories.
Want to make a better impact? Tell better stories.
Shallow community shows up and first asks, “What did you do wrong?”
Deep community shows up and first asks, “How can we help?”
Compassion builds community faster than blame.
Reminder: community doesn’t happen by accident.
You’ll always find the very community for which you search.
Sometimes it whispers, and sometimes it roars. But no matter what deep community is never silent about the things that matter.
One of the best strengtheners of community bonds is gratitude.
“Thanks for being here,” “Thanks for your help,” and “Thanks for being you” do more to keep people than rules and fines ever can.
And best of all they’re free. So ROI on gratitude in a community setting is infinity.
The work of community is the work of a baker.
Success, when rooted in community, is not a zero sum game. We can both win.
And this is why community, rather than doling out increasingly smaller slices of success, instead works to bake a bigger pie.
You can have your pie and eat it, too. And so can I. And her. And him and them. Community doesn’t cry when the plate is empty. It gets back in the kitchen.
Community investments can look like soccer fields and sidewalks, reading programs and infrastructure.
Community investments can also look like cups of coffee and phone calls, sharing a meal and checking in.
Every action taken is a statement about the kind of world you want to live in.
Shallow community leadership seeks control. “My way or the highway.”
Deep community leadership seeks collaboration. “Go where there is no road and leave a path.”
The destination may be alluring, but make sure you know which road you’re on.
Try something new and you’ll learn something new.
Try something new with a community and you’ll master something new.
Community is an accelerant.
You will rise or fall to the level of excellence that is set by your community.
You become what you are surrounded by.
“Convenience doesn’t build character.”
Neither does it build community.
If you want something easy, find a hobby. If you want something meaningful, find a community.
Shallow community focuses on the amount of people in the community.
Deep community focuses on the amount of community in the people.
You don’t have all the solutions to that problem. But your community does.
You don’t have all the ideas to grow your company. But your community does.
You don’t have all the money to launch your startup. But your community does.
You don’t have all the energy to keep going. But your community does.
You were never meant to do this all by yourself.
Good communities raise money.
Great communities raise awareness.
Deep communities raise advocates.
The work doesn’t end once you find a community to join. In many ways it’s actually just beginning.
Deep community is built with people who value the work of commitment more than the work of joining.
From Scott Galloway’s new book “Adrift”, the decline in membership is worth paying attention to.
We used to join things. We also used to build things worth joining.
If no community is present, all feedback is noisy nitpicking.
Critique is done with care and concern and aims to make the creator more powerful.
Criticism is done without care and concern and aims to make the critic more powerful.
Community is what transforms criticism into critique.
Beware the shallow community that builds its identity (and profits) by making you mad.
Embrace the deep community that builds its identity by making you belong.
Being angry in proximity to other angry people does not a community make. Being authentic in proximity to other authentic people does.
Boldness is a career accelerant.
Those who take risks - be it applying for a new job or starting a daring project - climb farther faster.
But what accelerates boldness? How can you be bold more frequently and faster?
Community.
Community is your net. It can’t get up on the trapeze for you. But it can give you the confidence needed to dare to fly, knowing that if you crash you’ll be able to bounce right back and try again.
Shallow community makes it hard to leave. Rules, fines, threats, and worst of all, shame.
Deep community makes it easy to stay. Benefits, belonging, grace, and best of all, hope.
Therefore, great community leaders spend less time begging people to stay and more time helping people connect.
Community is more of a compass than a map.
The steps you take are up to you; but your community will always be your true north, reminding you of where you need to be going.
Transactional community says, “You should join us. You’ll get this.”
Relational community says, “You should join us. We get you.”
Finding the right community doesn’t mean you’ll magically have all the answers.
But it does mean you’ll be better at tackling the questions.
Building community isn’t something leaders get to once their company reaches profitability.
Other way around.
Remember: trust is the mortar of community.
Build as big or as high as you like with shiny, dazzling blocks. But leave out the trust and it all crumbles.
Building great companies results in profit.
Building great communities results in purpose.
Can you do both? Yes. But only if you build them in the right order.
If you show up asking “how can I hide?” then you’re sacrificing depth in a quest for anonymity.
If you show up asking “how can I be seen?” then you’re sacrificing depth in a quest for popularity.
But if you show up asking “how can I help?” then you’ll be gaining depth in the quest for community.
Shallow community leaders seem to always be toeing a dividing line. “This is how we’re different!” they scream.
Deep community leaders seem to always be standing on common ground. “This is how we can work together” they suggest.
It’s good to know where leadership stands before you jump in with both feet.
If we are “what we repeatedly do,” (Aristotle), then we’re also destined to become who we’re repeatedly around.
Community matters.
Shallow community leaders rally around a common enemy.
Deep community leaders rally around a common purpose.
This is why deep community grows faster.
Rallying around a common enemy makes you focus outward. Rallying around a common purpose makes you focus inward.
The road to community is often a long and winding one. Rarely can you get there in a straight line with maximum efficiency.
That's because the journey matters. What you pick up along the way will be needed when you arrive.
Be patient. Better to arrive ready than quickly.
Not all “growth” looks the same.
Deep community builds up and adds people.
Shallow community piles on and adds excuses.
Don’t tell us why it can’t be done; gather your people and get it done.
An A level community with B level talent will go farther than a B level community with A level talent.
Community wins.
Shallow community is transactional. “This is what is owed.”
Deep community is relational. “This is what is given.”
If you want to fill up your calendar, join a group. They do a lot of stuff.
If you want to fill up your heart, join a community. They do a lot of stuff - for a reason.
The naive leader says, “It’ll get done.”
The authoritative leader says, “They’ll get it done.”
The burned out leader says, “I’ll get it done.”
The community leader says, “We’ll get it done.”
A group is made up of critics; a community is made up of creators.
It’s easier to jeer from the sidelines, which requires no vulnerability or intimacy.
It’s harder to create from the middle, putting yourself out there to be the change you wish to see.
But in the end, only creation and the vulnerable honesty it requires will result in community.
Critique costs nothing and gains little; community may cost something and can give you everything.
Don’t follow the community leader who never seems to be willing to apologize.
Apology allows for u-turns and even course corrections. Apologies are not signs of weakness but rather signs of growth.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I know better. Now I’ll lead better.”
Better to course correct than stay on the path that leads you and the team over the cliff.
I saw this last week (origin unknown):
“Replace I with WE and ILLNESS becomes WELLNESS.”
We are better together.
Community wins.
Deep community comes from rallying around what you’re for, not just what you’re against.
Shouting about what you’re against results in attention.
Gathering around what you’re for results in purpose.
A common enemy boils the blood; a common purpose stirs the soul.
Deep community doesn’t look to the past for rules, but rather for wisdom.
“That’s how we’ve always done it” isn’t enough to chart a clear path to the future, but “Here’s how we can be better” is.
Community is messy. Full stop.
Egotistical leaders think they can clean it up (impossible).
Ineffective leaders think they can hide it (unhealthy.)
But thoughtful leaders think they can navigate it (meaningful).
Deep community doesn’t hide the mess; it helps everyone find meaning in it.
Community starts with a shared humanity.
Community grows with a shared interest.
Community thrives with a shared purpose.
It’s ok to run from something if you’re simultaneously running to community.
Not because your community will help you avoid it.
Because your community will help you face it.
The struggle is real.
So make sure you’re in a community that isn’t afraid to discuss it.
Communities that hide struggle hide depth.
Opportunity lights the match; community fuels the fire.
Get started on your big dream however you can, but be sure to include community on your list of needs to make it happen. Nothing substantial ever came to be without the help, support, and inclusion of others.
Relying on others and asking for help doesn’t make you weak.
It’s the only thing that can make you strong.
You’ve used up all the strength you have. It’s time to use all the strength you have available.
Run from the community that claims, “Join us. You’re imperfect and we can fix you. You need us.”
Run toward the community that claims, “Join us. You’re imperfect and so are we. We need you.”
The goal of deep community isn’t to make imperfect people perfect. It’s to make imperfect people belong.
“I’m just not getting a lot out of this community.”
Maybe so.
But just a quick question before you leave:
How much have you been putting into it?
Beware the community that destroys more than it builds, that only seems to thrive when things are falling apart.
Deep community seeks to build up more than it tears down, and embraces growth more than it fears change.
Don’t look back. You’re not going there.
Along with “work experience” and “education”, I’d like to see “communities” as a résumé section.
Listen the places to which you belong and who are proud to claim you.
Where have you given of yourself? Been willing to be vulnerable and committed? Where have you gone to grow and find meaning?
The height of your success will be directly related to the depth of your community.
Great community leaders:
- Give more than they take
- Praise more than they blame
- Listen more than they speak
- Create more than they criticize
- Invite more than they exclude
- Dream more than they doubt
Don’t follow charisma. Follow character.
Giving the bare minimum to your community will result in the bare minimum of all it has to offer:
- Connections
- Possibilities
- Friendships
- Opportunities
- Impact
- Meaning
Deep community is somewhere you should give more than is required so you can receive more than you imagined.
At its best, deep community accepts you as you are but refuses to let you stay that way.
At its best, community helps you become your best.
Destructive community uses blame and shame to keep you stuck where you are.
Productive community uses possibility and promise to help you get where you want to go.
Both a carpenter and a community can be judged by their tools.
Deep community looks more like an outstretched hand than a clenched fist.
Rather that screaming, “Get out!” it invites along, “Come in.”
Community is more blanket than weapon, offering protection and warmth over fury and offense.
Shallow community leaders see the spotlight as something to hog. “How can I get right in the middle of that?” they wonder.
Deep community leaders see the spotlight as something to operate. “Who can I put right in the middle of that?” they wonder.
Follow leaders who create more light than shadows.
Shallow community results in residents. Members who merely reside and exist, criticize and move on.
Deep community results in citizens. Members who fully embrace what they are a part of and work to make it better.
Residents live in the now. Citizens build the future.
Communities that grow are ultimately those willing to ask the hard questions and sit with difficult answers. Challenge, not routine, results in growth.
Some sacred cows need to be tipped.
Attention community leaders: it’s not about your pride. It’s about your people.
Hog the blame, share the glory.
Shallow community dominates the conversation; deep community changes the conversation.
Dominating the conversation is built on fear and seeks to keep others quiet. Changing the conversation is built on hope and seeks to give others a voice.
Community is most effective when it seeks to include, not exclude.
In deep communities, how you leave is as important as how you enter. Exit rituals should provide as much meaning as initiations.
Next steps and hope should always be celebrated, and the best communities know they don’t have a monopoly on either.
Remember: authentic community doesn’t make it hard to leave. They make it easy to stay.
Community is a window. You can see a new world through it.
Community is a lens. It brings what’s important into focus.
Community is a mirror. You’ll see your true self there.
But above all community is as fragile as glass. Handle with care.
Two questions to think about before you join a particular community:
- What can I learn here?
- What can I teach here?
Remember: if you’re unwilling to do the first they’ll be unwilling to let you do the second.
If you are unwilling to pay the true cost of deep community - vulnerability and empathy - then you cannot yet afford it.
Ineffective community leaders see members as replaceable. Cogs in a machine.
Effective community leaders see members as valuable. Diamonds in the rough.
Those who mine diamonds will find themselves indispensable. Those who replace cogs with cogs will find themselves, well, replaceable.
The point isn’t just to find a community to live in.
It’s also to find a community that lives in you.
You could go at it alone and try to beat the odds. One in a million is still possible.
Or you could go at it with a community and try to change the odds. One in a thousand is even more possible.
Turns out the more community I’m around the luckier I get.
Don’t join a community because you’re chasing popularity.
Join a community because you’re chasing purpose.
The point of community isn’t to find the best way to be liked. It’s to find the best way to be you.
Shallow communities are built on control. “You should do this because I said so.”
Deep communities are built on commitment. “We all should do this because we all said we would.”
Accountability to all gets more done than obedience to one.
Remember: leaders who seem to thrive when there’s drama in the community end up manufacturing drama in order to thrive.
The best way from Point A to Point B is community.
Not the fastest way.
Not the easiest way.
Not the cheapest or the most profitable or most scalable way.
Or even the newest way.
The best way.
Deep community is elastic. It can stretch to understand new ideas and mold to include all committed members.
Shallow community is plastic. It can snap easily under pressure and doesn’t change when pushed forward by committed members.
Flexibility beats rigidity.
Deep community operates from a place of abundance. “There’s plenty to go around, so come on in!”
Shallow community operates from a place of scarcity. “There’s never enough, so stay out!”
Communities that grow build more bridges than fences.
Deep community may sometimes require more than you think you have but it always gives more than you think you need.
Relying on others in the context of community isn’t a sign of weakness.
It’s actually the first step toward getting stronger.
You weren’t meant to go at this alone.
If you’re in pursuit of perfection, don’t join a community. (It won’t take you there because perfection isn’t it’s goal.)
If you’re in pursuit of mediocrity, don’t join a community. (It can’t take you there because mediocrity isn’t what it’s about.)
But if you’re in pursuit of progress, by all means join a community. This is its very purpose.
Community never happens by accident, only by intention.
You may luck out and get a better community than you deserve.
But you will never get a better community than you commit to.
Quick recipe for building deep community:
- more curiosity than judgement
- more questions than answers
- more hope than shame
When you’re afraid, run to your deep community.
Not because community will minimize your fear.
Because it will multiply your courage.
The longer it takes, the longer it’ll last.
Deep community doesn’t happen quickly, but when it does, it stays.
Beware the community that promises speed. It often comes at the expense of depth.
Deep community feels like home. “I can be who I want to be,” you think.
Shallow community feels like a stage. “I have to be who they want me to be,” you think.
Deep community gives you the freedom to be you, not the obligation to be them.
Deep community allows for both mourning and celebration.
Beware the community that only mourns. There is no hope there.
And beware the community that only celebrates. There is no reality there.
Find the place that lets you be your whole self, to cry when needed and to cheer when inspired.
Being rooted in deep community won’t automatically make everything easy.
But it can make everything easier.
Heavy burdens belong on many shoulders.
Beware the community that has more memories than dreams.
Memories are a wonderful foundation, but they can never be the destination.
Eventually, you’ll use up all the memories. But dreams? Those are infinite.
Just because you find yourself surrounded by deep community doesn’t mean that your journey won’t feel difficult.
But it does mean that it won’t feel lonely.
The difficulty of any problem is reduced in proportion to the depth of community addressing it.
Shallow communities only focus on who’s in the room. “Look who’s here!” they marvel.
Deep communities also focus on who’s not in the room. “Who are we leaving out?” they wonder.
Find a community that’s looking for more, rather than one that’s satisfied with enough.
The advantage of singing in unison is volume. All of us singing the same note in the same direction means we can be loud.
The advantage of singing in harmony is depth. All of us singing our own notes in a coordinated effort means we can be impactful.
Community is singing in harmony in unison. Community is depth, loudly.
Communities that change the world are those who change along with it.
If your community’s main idenity is based on things staying the same, be ready to get smaller as the world gets bigger.
Shallow communities masquerade as something deeper when they claim that they “hear” you. But all that means is that your words make noise.
Deep communities prove their value because they actually listen to you. That means your words make impact.
Find a place that values what you mean, not just what you say.
Shallow communities make it hard to leave, using guilt and threats.
Deep communities make it easy to stay, using meaning and purpose.
Fewer rules and penalties; more connection and belonging.
Deep community is the very thing that when you want it the least you actually need it the most.
You may think you’re not interested in community but community is interested in you.
Whenever I find myself feeling distant from my community, one question recenters and refocuses me:
Who moved?
(The answer is nearly always me.)
The height of my success is directly related to the depth of my community.
A cult is a group you’re willing to die for.
And a gang is a group you’re willing to kill for.
But a community is a group you’re willing to live for.
Community is both a privilege and a responsibility.
Congratulations; you’ve found where you belong.
Now, go help others find their place, too.
When you find your deep community, your work has only just begun.
Yes, when you find yourself in the midst of deep, true, authentic community, you can demand more of it.
But it will also demand more of you.
The deeper you buy in, the more valuable the community.
The chief task of great community leaders isn’t just to gather people together. (Concert promoters can do that.)
It’s to gather people together for a common purpose.
The point of community isn’t to do stuff with other people. It’s to do stuff with other people that matters.
Deep community is the first place you run when things get difficult. You show up because you want to.
Shallow community is the last place you go when things get difficult. You show up because you have to.
(And often that’s what’s causing the difficulty.)
Create a community that is someone’s first choice, not their last resort.
Deep community handles disagreement with dialog. “We want to hear what you have to say.”
Shallow community handles disagreement with discipline. “You need to hear what we have to say.”
Great community leaders know that disagreement is the start of a discussion, not the end of it.
Building community is humanity’s greatest superpower.
Through cooperation and teamwork we can defeat any enemy and solve any problem, making the world better.
But pride is our kryptonite. Leading to self-importance it can slow or prevent any notion of togetherness.
Don’t let it take root lest it negate the best opportunity we have to save the world.
Great community leaders shoulder the blame of group failure. “That’s on me,” they say.
Great community leaders share the credit of group success. “That’s on them,” they say.
Shoulder blame; share credit.
It can’t just be about making sure everyone has a slice of the pie. At some point, those slices are going to get very small.
And it can’t just be about making sure everyone has a seat at the table. At some point, everyone is going to feel very crowded.
We’ve actually got to bake bigger pies and build bigger tables as we go along. This is the chief role of leaders of deep communities.
Deep community will require more than you think. More:
- effort
- time
- attention
- vulnerability
- generosity
But deep community will also give you more than you think. More:
-
meaning
-
growth
-
opportunity
-
hope
-
change
Shallow communities resist change. Their priorities are comfort for everyone today.
Deep communities embrace change. Their priorities are progress for everyone tomorrow.
If your community is only focused on today, it may not be around tomorrow.
Self-focused leaders chase headlines. It’s all about them.
Community-focused leaders chase meaning. It’s all about others.
The irony is that people forget what they read in a newspaper. No one forgets how they felt in a community.
Instant gratification usually results in shallow gratification.
Meaning comes from depth. Depth takes time.
Thus, instant community is rarely meaningful community.
Crockpots over microwaves.
The quality of your opportunities will increase in proportion to the quality of your community.
Don’t seek a perfect community; search for a transparent one.
Communities that claim to be perfect often have something to hide. Communities that embrace transparency have everything to give.
We learn best by seeing flaws and correcting mistakes, not by chasing and faking perfection.
Building deep community doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it won’t also be difficult.
All the better. Most things that come easy go easy, too. If it costs you something, you’ll protect it.
Community is something that still needs doing even when you don’t feel like it.
You may not want to be a part of community, but community wants to be a part of you.
Deep communities give space for members to both mourn and celebrate, to weep and to shout.
Communities that only allow rose colored glasses (optimism) don't face reality; communities that only allow black colored glasses (pessimism) don't face possibility.
Get yourself a community that understands every one in a while you'll need to change your eyewear.
Yes, you could do it alone, but why would you?
For the glory? Shared glory is actually more glory.
For the story? More storytellers equal more storytelling.
To save time? The fastest way from point A to point B is community.
Again, you could do it alone, but why would you?
Deep communities understand the past because they don’t ignore it, celebrate the present because they don’t overlook it, and embrace the future because they don’t fear it.
Video edition today, all the way from Lakeland, Florida.
This trip has been three years in the making. What used to be routine for me was upended by the pandemic. But thankfully, seeing the new Catapult felt like home (and much different than the basement it used to inhabit).
If you need something to feel like home, it first needs to feel like community.
Full video riff is here.
Members of shallow communities ask, “How can this place make me better?”
Members of deep communities ask, “How can I make this place better?”
Self absorption rarely results in self improvement. Group absorption usually results in self improvement.
If you want to grow a forest, plant a million seeds. If you want to grow a community, meet a million people.
(Ok, not literally.)
But - you can’t reap what you don’t sow and you can’t go deep with those you don’t know.
Take the meeting, grab the coffee, join the discussion, raise your hand, water, repeat.
Deep community happens one conversation at a time.
Shallow communities are full of mercenaries. “How can this group help me?” they ask.
Deep communities are full of missionaries. “How can this group help others?” they ask.
What’s in it for me?
No.
What’s in it for we.
Friendly reminder:
The goal of community isn’t uniformity (we are all the same); it’s unity (we all have the same purpose).
Uniformity can be cultish; unity can be inspiring.
Opportunity only knocks on the door of community.
If you’re wondering when it’ll be your turn to make it big or change the world, go surround yourself with other people. Your moment won’t be far behind.
Beware of the driving goal of shallow communities: “We should work hard to become more like them!” they shout.
Embrace the driving goal of deep communities: “We should work hard to become more like us,” they say.
We becoming them is rooted in competition; we becoming us is rooted in community.
Self-focused leaders create spectacles so they can be seen and heard.
Community-focused leaders create space so others can be seen and heard.
Deep community is committed to getting better and welcomes those who are different. “We see you. We hear you. We want to understand you.”
Shallow community is afraid of getting better and shuns those who are different. “We don’t understand you. We don’t want to see or hear you.”
If you’re not getting better you’re getting worse. There is no in between.
Sometimes, tragedy can result in the creation of deep community.
At all times, deep community must result in the prevention of more tragedy.
Popularity ≠ community.
Connection does.
Someone may be surrounded by others, sought after for meetings and advice, and the proverbial life of the party.
But deep down they may be excruciatingly lonely.
Remember: community is measured in depth, not breadth.
The role of the individual is to improve the community.
The role of the community is to improve the individual.
Great communities balance the freedom you have to be you with the obligation we have to be us.
Going solo: use all the strength you have and become exhausted.
Going together: use all the strength we have and become fulfilled.
You + community = potential X infinity
Deep community knows when you have more to give and challenges you to go faster.
Deep community also knows when you’ve given too much and challenges you to go slower.
Beware of a group that only wants gas pedal from you without allowing you to tap the brakes as needed.
You cannot cook a Thanksgiving turkey in a microwave.
Nor can you build deep community in an instant.
The enjoyment and fulfillment found in something deepens in proportion to the time spent cultivating it.
Go slow. It’s worth it.
The privilege of joining a community should be followed immediately by the responsibility of maintaining it.
Leaders: stop being demotivated by the amount of people in the community. Sometimes you just can’t get more.
Instead, be motivated by the amount of passion in the community. You can always get more.
For those who haven’t been able to find a community in their home: may you find a home in your community.
Legacy = reputation x time
When a reputation (current opinion of you or your community) is repeated for a while, a legacy (lasting opinion of you or your community) is developed.
Bad news: when a story is told enough times for a long enough time, your legacy is set.
Good news: there is still plenty of time to start telling a new story about you, your work, and your community.
Effective communities are driven by internal goals. “We’re not as good as we should be. We need to improve our integrity/focus/camaraderie/values.”
Ineffective communities are drive by external goals. “We’re not as good as they are. We need to improve our image/marketing/facade.”
One group is chasing after a consistent standard; the other an ever-changing one. Thus, one arrives at their goal; the other runs in circles.
Community is an asset.
Social capital is its currency.
The more you earn, the more you can spend. Just don’t do so foolishly, lest you fully deplete the asset.
Effective communities are focused on tomorrow. “Let’s work hard to go toward how things could be,” they say.
Ineffective communities are focused on yesterday. “Let’s work hard to go back to how things used to be,” they say.
Your community is always in motion; the question is which direction are you going?
Healthy communities leverage their unity to protect others.
Unhealthy communities leverage their unity to attack others.
Yes, there is strength in numbers. But there also must be grace.
Healthy communities prioritize transparency. “You’re on a need-to-know basis” means you get to know everything.
Unhealthy communities prioritize secrecy. “You’re on a need-to-know basis” means you get to know nothing.
Nothing to hide? Nothing to fear.
Something to hide? Everything to fear.
Yes, size matters.
Authentic communities care about size, but only as it relates to depth. “Look at the size of our heart, passion, story, commitment!”
Superficial communities care about size, but only as it relates to breadth. “Look at the size of our house, club, yacht, roster!”
Beware of what you’re joining.
Depth is a well that gives ever more through you. Breadth is a debt that demands ever more from you.
Fences and bridges are both crafted from the same material.
The difference lies in the design.
One enables growth and the other prevents it.
Wondering why your community is shrinking?
Check the blueprints.
Heathly communities grow your dreams. They want them to get so big that you need a telescope to see them.
Unhealthy communities shrink your dreams. They want them to get so small that you need a microscope to see them.
Find a community that is aiming for stars, not bacteria.
Inclusive communities are built on humility. “Come join us,” they say. “We have a lot to learn from you.”
Exclusive communities are built on pride. “Come join us,” they say. “We have a lot to teach you.”
If you can’t contribute, don’t join. A community’s goal should be progress, not perfection.
For our own mental and psychological health we’ve got to eat alongside one another, not just to ingest calories but to ingest community.
High rep community directly impacts personal success. You’ll only be as successful as they’re able to help you be.