L.I.V.E. Life Inspired Views for Everyday: Recent Episodes

Kris Meyer

This weekly podcast offers people on the journey of life, stories, insights, encouragement for better living.

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Do you ever look at all the things in your life that would never have happened if you had not said yes? Maybe it's something big like marriage, starting a family, starting a certain career, or taking a job. Or maybe it's small like choosing a hairstyle, reading a certain book, or picking up a new hobby. Whatever the choice, the impact of that "yes" started a ripple effect of experiences that we could never have predicted. Life is a huge room of unknown experiences with unknown outcomes, and we stand at the door, holding the handle.

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Studies have found that “knowing who you are” helps develop an internal sense of self-esteem; strong commitment to doing well in school, work, or play; a strong sense of purpose in life; confidence in one’s ability to make a difference. These are hallmarks of the components that help us construct our identity. It's different for each person depending upon the experiences one has had in life.

I found a quote recently that made me ponder its meaning. But I decided we can interpret it in whatever way is meaningful to us. Charlie Simic said, "Inside my empty bottle I was constructing a lighthouse while all the others were making ships." To me that seems to be talking about our identity. What do you think?

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Dr. Mary Pipher, wrote in her book, The Shelter of Each Other, "Real communities give people a sense that they are all in this place together. People who live together have something that is fragile and easily destroyed by a lack of civility. Everything you do matters. Relationships are not disposable....Over the internet, people can be deleted the second they become annoying or tiresome....One never needs to see or talk to anyone again." She goes on, "We've moved from primary to secondary relationships, appearance has become much more important to us." That was written in 1996.

Then, as now, as always, relationships are everything. Without them, loneliness devours. Pipher has an Irish Proverb at the beginning of her book that is most poignant, "It is in the shelter of each other that the people live."

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In one of my journals, I have a little conversation with someone on a ledge of some kind and a voice below that ledge. The one below calls up, "Jump." The reply, "I'm afraid." The voice below says, "Just jump." The reply, "What if I fall?" The voice below, "What if you fly!" I love that story of encouragement to "go to the fear." It reminds me of that adage I learned in an Oprah magazine long ago. The writer said, "If someone asks you to do something, say yes, and then learn how."

It seems some people have a bit more courage than others when it comes to stepping outside our comfort zone. However, we all have the ability, sometimes we just need the encouragement, the hutzpah, the self-talk, or the story to convince us. But we can usually do what we don't think we can.

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Years ago, I was buying a new phone. It was one of those portable landline phones. The young person checking me out told me that it had a warranty, but it didn't include the battery. Then he added, "But you could just bring it in and tell us it doesn't work, and no one would know." Instead of thanking him and moving on, I said, "Well, I teach young children to tell the truth, so I can't do that." At the time, I was a school counselor and decided to use that as an example to teach the students about lying.

We often are faced with making decisions about lying or telling the truth. It's a good thing to reflect upon so we will be ready to respond.

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Today's podcast suggests we try using creativity in combating times of anxiousness or worry. If you don't see yourself as a creative person, that's ok, because as a tool, creativity is simply doing something you enjoy. I found some quotes in The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron, to encourage you.

"Trust that still, small voice that says, 'This might work and I'll try it.'" - Diane Mariechild

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues." - Duke Ellington

"Creative work is play. It is free speculation using the materials of one's chosen form." - Stephen Nachmanovitch

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When I ask a question, ask for permission, suggest an idea, etc., I love it when people respond with, "Possibly," or "That's a possibility." Those kinds of responses allow me to dance on the edge of hope. How do we embrace the concept of possibility in our own responses, in our attitudes. Is it a mindset that can be developed? I think so. And with good outcomes.

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I love questions. I love asking questions, because you so often find something new that you did not know. Just think of the rabbit holes of thought you have heard when people start asking and responding to interesting questions. I have a book on my shelf entitled, Power Questions, by Sobel and Panas. It is filled with questions that can be used in so many kinds of situations. Remember how you felt when you learned something about someone from a few questions that led you to a wonderful friendship because of those questions? There is a word for that!

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Several years ago, my husband, Donnie, was gifted a family heirloom, a beautiful wall clock made in Germany and most likely dating back to the early 1900s. It was brought to America by his great-grandfather, Erhardt Kaiser. The clock chimes on the hour and the half hour. When it was mounted on our wall, and the first chimes rang, Donnie was in awe. He said the minute he heard the chimes he was immediately brought back to his childhood as he remembered hearing it chime on the wall of his grandparents' home. We have so many kinds of reminders in our lives. Some for daily tasks and living, some to bear witness to meaningful times we have lived. Today's podcast pays homage to the importance of reminders.

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Reflect for a moment and try to remember a time when someone gave you the benefit of the doubt. Trusted you. Can you remember how that act of grace lifted your spirits and reminded you that there truly is goodness in the world? Because our newsfeed is filled with quite the opposite today, it is important to be reminded that there are good, kind, and trusting people around us. The next question that might be good to ask ourselves is, "Are we one of those good, kind, and trusting people?" Can we bring magic to one's world by our acts of grace and kindness?

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I have often said that when I die and you read my many journals, you will find that they are filled mostly with quotes that I love. However, reading those many quotes, you will learn to know who I am because the quotes I have chosen reflect my values, ways I hope to live my life. Those quotes really have shaped me by giving me impetus to work at becoming them. They have influenced me in other words.

Today we hear about people who make it their calling or job to be "influencers," particularly on social media. My question is who or what have we allowed or chosen to influence our way of living, our way of being. Things to ponder.

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Alfred Mosher Butts invented the game of Scrabble in 1938. He was an unemployed architect and decided to invent a game that could distract people from the bleak lives they were living during the Great Depression. Butts wanted to create a game that used both skill and chance, combining different elements of anagrams and crossword puzzles. Today's podcast also addresses skill and chance when it comes to words. And when words are used within relationships, we use skills learned when communicating and yet hope that the words we use can be delivered and received in ways we intend.

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Many years ago, I was with some colleagues in a van driving to summer school. The weather was ominous. The clouds were turning darker and greener. The wind suddenly came up and out my window, it was as if the flying dirt met the darkness of the sky. My friend, Dan, who was driving, shouted to the rest of us, "What should I do?" I said, "Turn into this farm!" Well, he didn't. He kept driving and suddenly we were out of the storm. It's like the buffalo. It's said the buffalo doesn't run from the storm, but rather, runs into it because storms move and the buffalo gets through the storm faster.

The obstacles we face in life may be similar. If we run from them, they may be with us longer, and we do not go forward. Obstacles are there...we have the choice to use them or not.

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Lighthouses. They are beginning to take up residence in my mind in many ways. The metaphors contrived from their purpose and from the experiences around them intrigue me more and more. This week, I found this brilliant analogy: “The Lighthouse Theory,” by an unknown author. It read, “You don’t need to chase people to be seen. Just stand where you are and shine. The right ones will find you. Drawn not by your noise or effort, but by the quiet strength of your light.”

Today's podcast is a weaving of thoughts and concepts around bold living, fearlessness, courage, liminal spaces, justice, love, and living like a lighthouse.

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I will never forget two meaningful compliments given to me many years ago. The first was from a little boy I worked with as a school counselor. Zach struggled with social cues and other challenges in his life. One day we were walking down the hall together and this little kindergarten boy said to me, "Mrs. Meyer, I used to think you were weird." I replied, "You did, Zach? What do you think now?" Zach said softly, "Now I think you're special." What words to tuck forever in my heart.

The second compliment came from my former pastor, Lee Laaveg. One day he said, "Kris, you don't remind me of anyone." Wow! I felt like I graduated. Growing up I was always trying to fit in with the crowd, trying to be liked. Then as I grew older, I began caring less and less about fitting in and found more and more joy in just being myself. That compliment reminded me that I had learned the art of being myself.

The freedom that comes with living authentically can truly bring one joy. When we do that, we don't have to think about "acting," we can simply be.

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As my dad dwelled in the world of dementia, he would repeat several stories from his early life over and over. In reflection, they seemed to give us some kind of wisdom that he wanted to impart. In one of those stories, he recounted going to his professor's office to discuss a paper he was writing. When he came to the office, the professor didn't look up at my dad as he stood by his desk. Instead, he absentmindedly continued to shuffle papers around as Dad tried to explain his thoughts. Finally, Dad told the professor that those papers on his desk seemed much more important than he. And Dad left the room. That must have been one of those life lessons because Dad was one to give people attention, time, focused on what they had to say. From that unfortunate experience, the professor provided Dad a valuable lesson that he hoped would be passed on to us.

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Today is another shorter podcast. The time this past week was filled with preparation, caregiving, and finally the Celebration of Life for my sister, Freda. It was a cherished day, with love abounding.

The opportunity to gather with people after a death is powerful and so needed by humans, more than some realize. How I wish I could express how deep my gratitude is for those who came, who wanted to come, and who showed support in so many different ways. We as a family are so humbled by the goodness of others and by the love.

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This week I chose to share a potpourri of inspiring thoughts and wisdom from sources I find interesting as I peruse the writing of others. I love learning and being inspired, so this week, my podcast has no particular theme other than ideas shared by writers who make me want to live more wisely.

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Regrets...an easy word to say when responding with an RSVP. Often the invite states, "regrets only." Simple and easy. But it is the "regret" that often takes up residence in us as a pit in our stomach or constant recording which takes away our peace of mind because we wish we would have said or done something different. Regrets can imprison us until we make them right, or with time, until we can forgive ourselves. However, learning to prevent them is an antidote which will lead to celebrating having no regrets.

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This week's podcast is late because I forgot my computer at my sister, Freda's, condo last weekend. The writing of the script was done, all I had to do was record the podcast, but I couldn't because my computer was in Minneapolis. So, you get the podcast today.

We are in the process of cleaning out my sister's condo after her sudden death. The experience is sad, comical at times, and strangely enlightening. So, the experience begs the question, "What is your relationship with stuff?"

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Community...thankfulness...when challenging times come, community is what one can almost always be most thankful for.

When have you felt the power of community? It can be something we take for granted. It is definitely one of those things you know is missing when it isn't there. Community. What does it mean to you and how has it helped you through difficult times?

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One day I asked my sister, Freda, "aren't you glad we are sisters?" Freda replied, "Yes! How else would we have known each other?" We repeated that great nugget of wisdom many times. I'm so sad today because on Saturday, Freda died suddenly on a trip to Ireland. In times like this, hearing the simple is often so comforting, so Winnie the Pooh, the simple bear says it best for me. He said:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." - Winnie the Pooh

And he also wisely said, "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard." - Winnie the Pooh

Thanks for listening to a bit about my dear sister, Freda.

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We love stories for many reasons, but one of the comforting reasons may be because as most stories resolve, they usually end in someone figuring something out, like a problem or growing in wisdom because of the problem. As I look at all the books containing stories on my shelves, there is definitely that theme, something is somehow figured out. We read books with the anticipation of learning what will be learned or figured out. We often live life with the same anticipation...how will whatever is happening ultimately get figured out?

How does that play out in our life's story?

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We all need a place to call our own. A place to fill our proverbial bucket, a place to spend time alone, or a place to take joy in the things we enjoy doing. A place. At certain times or stages in our lives, it is hard not only to find such a place, but also to find time to escape to that place. But we still need to know that "our" place exists. These places are needed. We can find them, even if it is for a brief time now and then...they will give us a needed refreshment to keep going...

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Some of you listening today have vivid memories of life before the smartphone. Some of you listening today can hardly remember ever being without a smartphone in your life. My Grandma Myhrwold used to tell me, "There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us, it behooves us all not to talk about the rest of us." I think of that quip when I think of smartphones. There is so much good in them...but there is so much that is not good for us in them as well. We need to pause, to think about how they are captivating our lives, and then make a decision that puts us in charge of them.

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Many of us have had to introduce ourselves to a new group of some kind. The question usually goes like, "Tell us a bit about yourself." Or sometimes we are asked to give three things that describe who we are. And sometimes we are asked "would you rather" questions, such as "Would you rather give a 10-minute speech or learn to ride a motorcycle?" Whatever the case, these kinds of questions ask us to reveal who we think we are. How well we know ourselves. We live in a loud and visual world. We have some kind of sound going most of the time or we are staring at a device full of pictures, articles, movies, or video clips. How often do we sit with wonder at our reactions and choices to things that we may face. I hope you are nudged to do more reflection this week.

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Margaret was an elderly woman I was transporting in the ambulance to the hospital. Alzheimer's had taken much of Margaret's memory. I was completing my paperwork and asked Margaret how old she was. Margaret replied, "I don't know." So, I said, "You know the old baseball player, Satchel Paige? He said, 'How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?'" I told Margaret that I would be 24 years old, because that is how old I felt in my mind. Margaret had a window of clearness and said, "I'd be what I am, because my daughters still need my wisdom, and you only get that by living." Wow! Margaret may have forgotten many things, but she still knew the essence of who she was.

Have you identified things that the essence of you are? What you value? What tenets you live by? We must remind ourselves of these things often and reflect them in our living, for they reflect who we are.

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Remember that old adage we learned as kids, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never harm me?" We all know that there is no wisdom in that. It just isn't true because words definitely hurt the people to which they are spoken, and often in time they hurt the people who spoke them. A quote I read once said it best, "Words are a powerful vehicle. They can give life, or they can take it away. Perhaps some of the most powerful words are last words. They can be regretted or give life when spoken well.

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The Merriam Webster dictionary defines community as basically a unified body of individuals. Then it adds, "such as:" and describes an assortment of types of those unified bodies or groups. Those are fancy words to describe what happens when a few people join together in unity for anything. Hey! I just saw something in the word, "community!" "Comm" and "unity" - Come together in unity. There can hardly be any more noble action in this world.

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Voltaire said, "Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." What a good quote to put on your bathroom mirror, on your computer screen, on a sticky note anywhere where you will see it every day. During these dark times, we may need visual reminders to sing and to laugh. Some unknown source bolstered Voltaire's adage with these words, "Sometimes happiness is a feeling. Sometimes it is a decision." Think of these two quotes as you listen to the podcast.

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There are two precious books in my personal library. One I received from the Ramker family when I retired, and one I received from my friend, Beth Wilson, for Christmas. The titles are, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, and Always Remember: The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, the Horse, and the Storm, both by Charlie Mackesy. They are about four animal friends and filled with whimsical nuggets of encouragement and wisdom. Several of those nuggets found in these books are fitting to introduce today's podcast. Here they are:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "Kind," said the Boy.

"What is a true sign of strength?" "Gentleness," said the Horse.

"The wind is strong." "Our love is stronger," said the Horse.

"Where did your strength come?" asked the Mole. "From remembering I am loved," said the Boy.

"I thought I'd lost you," said the Horse. "It was love that brought me home."

"Hope is the quiet song in your heart that can sing in spite of everything."

"I've realized why we are here," whispered the Boy. "For cake?" asked the Mole. "To love," said the Boy. "And be loved," said the Horse.

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Elena Aguilar says in her book, Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators, "A substantial amount of our ability to be resilient is fostered in our daily habits." We often focus on how we can make daily tasks easier or how we can circumvent doing a hard thing to prevent taxing our time and energy. What is the cost of bypassing hard things? I hadn't thought of the cost we pay for not doing hard things in life until a recent article enlightened me on the benefits. The daily habits that foster resilience come from our acceptance and willingness to do hard things.

My sister Freda told me of going to the funeral of a beautiful young man, Charlie, born with many disabilities. During the funeral the pastor shared that Charlie often said proudly, "I can do hard things." May we all use Charlie as our model when approaching hard things.

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When I was a little girl, my favorite thing to do for fun was to play "house." I would spend hours in my make-believe-house that I made in my room. My dad built me a kitchen sink, stove, refrigerator, and cupboard. I loved playing "house." Do you remember your favorite pasttime when you were a kid? Now go forward to today. If you were given the time and choice to do whatever you wanted, what would you choose to do that you enjoy doing the most? Now for the big question...how often do you indulge in doing that which you enjoy? What if we were to reframe it as a "need to do," not just a "want to do?"

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Dr. Edith Eva Eger, survived the concentration camps during World War II. She came to America and became a mental health therapist. Eger stated in her book, The Choice: Embrace the Possible, "that we remain victims as long as we hold another person responsible for our own well-being." As she tells her clients, "When we blame each other for our unhappiness, we avoid the responsibility of making our own joy.

Joy can be broken, through our choices, it can be restored.

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Metaphors are my favorite way of understanding life, science, behaviors, almost anything. Therefore, I'm constantly on the lookout for nuances in social situations, profound things people say without even knowing they were profound, or reactions to things so that I can put them into a story for better understanding. Noticing is my hobby. But there are many things I probably do not notice that I could get better at seeing if I focused. Our daughter loves birds and notices their songs when I don't even hear them singing. Our nine-month-old grandson, Ralf, notices tiny pieces of lint on the floor. Noticing. What would we see if we were more conscious of noticing? What do we miss because we do not concentrate on "seeing?"

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One of the most powerful pieces of wisdom I got from my dad was when he told me, "Always assign people value." People yearn to be noticed and valued. I think it is instinctive. Some time ago I shared the story about a nursing student taking a chemistry quiz. The last question on the test was, "What is the name of the woman who sweeps the floors of our building?" When the tests were turned in and the students were leaving the classroom, one of them asked the professor, "Is that last question going to count toward our grade?" The professor replied, "Absolutely. Every day you will come by people who need to be noticed. They need to be noticed by you." The student never forgot the lesson she learned that day, she also learned, the woman's name was Dorothy."

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Long ago I came upon a quote that says, "Words are a powerful vehicle. They can give life, or they can take it away." How true. How many skills and gifts have been left uncelebrated or unused because someone spoke of them with words of criticism instead of encouragement? We all bear some of those wounds. However, the power of words, when focused for good, can have life-changing effects. When we focus on words that are good to live by, their power can reach beyond our lives to those around us. Sometimes it might be only one word at a time!

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My friend, Diane Quail, inherited a "seam ripper" when her grandma died. She had no idea what it was. When she learned that it was used to rip out stitches in a garment or something that had been sewn, she was eventually led into the world of quilting. She loved it so much that she became a designer and published quilt patterns. All because she learned about the seam ripper she got from her grandma. We never know when those moments come along, but if we act with curiosity, they can be life changing. Do you have a "seam ripper" story?

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When I was a little girl, my dad's nickname for me was, "Mrs. MaGoo." He probably coined the name from a popular children's cartoon in the early 50's and '60's called, "Mr. MaGoo," who was a blind, kind, elderly man and was always mistaking something for what he thought was really there. We do the same. Catherine Ryan Hyde wrote a thoughtful book entitled, Have You Seen Luis Velez? about a teenage boy who befriends and helps a 92-year-old woman. It really made me think about the things we see and the things we do not see, both as a sighted person and one who is blind. Have You Seen Luis Velez? sends the message that "insight" often takes effort but is a most valuable gift.

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The book, The Power of Mattering: How Leaders Can Create a Culture of Significance by Zach Mercurio, has become a favorite of mine. It is applicable to anyone because it teaches skills that ensure that those around us know they are valued and significant. It's similar to giving and receiving love. People don't give and receive love in the same ways. Learning what expressions of love individually matter most to people is one of the best gifts we can give. It's the ultimate way to let someone know they matter.

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In the first season of Ted Lasso, Nate Shelley is introduced as the quiet, insecure "kit" man for the soccer team. When Ted asks his name, he doesn't believe he heard him right and says nothing. Ted succeeds in starting a relationship with him and in the end, he becomes one of the coaches, all because Ted showed him value. He let him know that he had significance in this world. A person can transform when they learn that they matter to someone. Who made you feel that you matter?

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Has someone ever told you a story about another person and you respond with, "Yup, that sounds like them." Or have you seen or heard other telltale signs by the way of something said or shared or done and you immediately know who it was? People come to know us in so many ways, but definitely by our words, attitudes and choices. It is wise now and then, that we take inventory to decide if our reflection is the one we want the world to see, to hear, to experience, or to enjoy.

Today I encourage all of us to pick up a mirror.

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How often have you heard someone say, "Well that's a first!" Or maybe they say, "Well, I had a first today!" Firsts are fascinating events. Some of them are powerful enough not only to stay with us in memory, but sometimes they change our lives. Probably because of the brain structure, the role of the amygdala, we remember a lot of our firsts because they leave an impact of some kind. I'm wondering if reflecting on those meaningful "firsts" in our lives helps us to know ourselves just a bit better.

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When I was in high school, I had a friend who loved quotes like I did. We found one that left an imprint on me for all these years. It is not that I am following the wisdom within this phrase faithfully, but having it memorized and referred to often, makes me mindful. The quote says, "While you are dreaming of the future or regretting the past, the present, which is all you have, slips from you and is gone."

It's so easy to get caught up in judging what we have not become or not done in the past and worrying or wishing into the future. The present. Ah, the gift of now to live our best selves no matter what, is the gift we give ourselves and those around us.

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The famous former Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius wrote, "In the end, character isn't defined by grand gestures, but by the small moments when we think no one is watching. It's our daily choices - our response to rudeness, our handling of power, how we treat friends, children, the elderly - that reveals the core of who we are."

I love that.

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There are some things in life that are "wants," and some things that are "needs." Art sometimes seems like a "want," like "I want to learn to draw," or "I wish I could sing." However, it is different from the "need" for art. Art is as old as civilization. It has survived when human survival was threatened. It is like the seed that continues to sprout, grow, and propagate. Art is and will always be...to bring purpose, hope, and happiness to the human species. This I believe.

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Algorithm is defined as a procedure for solving a mathematical problem that frequently involves repetition of an operation. Repetition. Repeating something we do or think over and over, creating a pattern, which leads to learning and remembering. Like one of my favorite quotes by Frances Hodgson Burnett, "You learn things by saying them over and over and thinking about them until they stay in your mind forever."

To become wise, the path followed involves repetition, observation, risking, and learning. One more clue in the definition of "algorithm" is looking for keywords. We reflect what is important to us.

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One day, when I was a TAG teacher in Forest City Elementary School, our school counselor resigned. I happened to meet Dave Cunningham, the former school counselor and now the assistant principal, in the lobby the next morning. I asked him if he was going to apply for the counselor position. Dave said, "No, I thought you would." Those five words changed my life. Five little words led to a big decision, a good decision.

Never discount the power of little actions, a few words, or a small choice to make a big difference.

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One of the daily feeds I get in my email is The Writer's Almanac. It recounts birthdays and anniversaries of famous people of the arts or historical events. I enjoy reading how some of the authors, musicians, or artists were enlightened by an experience or some inner need to write, draw, paint, or make music. It amazes me that they could not say no to the need within to do the art for which they were skilled or loved to do.

Art is more than a "something." It is a need for the artist to express and a need for humanity to enjoy. We need art, in whatever form. Humanity is nourished by it. Without it we shrivel.

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We all handle stress in different ways. Some ways are healthy and some not so healthy. But however it is handled, we all need to deal with it from time to time. I will never forget hearing Dr. Amid Sood speak in a TEDx talk once. He described all these terrible things that had happened to him from cancer, to heart attacks, to strokes, it was a list that almost made you gasp that all of these things could happen to one person. He started the recitation by saying, "In my life I have experienced..." and then named each thing, ending with, "all in my head." Everyone in the audience laughed almost relieved, but then with a nod of knowing. We all have "gone there" with the worst that could happen, living it out in our minds.

Our minds are powerful tools to make us imagine the worst that could happen. But we can capture the control of our minds with equally powerful tools to balance that dismal stress and replace it with a sense of peace and joy.

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Leaving a place you have loved and moving toward another opportunity always carries mixed emotions. My dad was a pastor. While in the seminary, he and some of his classmates wrote a book compiled with stories each of them had written describing how they received the call to the ministry. My dad had been a farmer and thought he would always be a farmer...until he felt called to become a pastor at age 28. The story he writes explains the struggle to leave the farm. On the last page of his story he writes, "The farm still draws. A year ago I stood with my arms about the necks of my big sorrels, and the tears streamed down my face. I couldn't stop them. But neither could I turn back, for now I had put my hand to the plow."

When have you made a decision to leave something you loved to follow another path that was beckoning you to come? When have you put your hand to the plow?

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I have three wonderful books by Kobi Yamada. Their titles are, What Do You Do With an Idea, What Do You Do With a Problem, and What Do You Do With a Chance. These titles spurred an intriguing question. What do you do with a word? One word can change a life, a career, or a relationship. We have so many opportunities to use a word to do something with our lives. All we have to do is reframe it to fit what we need to learn, to see, or to understand.

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There is a philosophy in Japan called Nagomi. It's an ancient word that focuses on calming. It's derived from the Japanese verb, "nagomu," which means to calm down or be comforted. When things get so busy you wonder if you are ever going to get all things done, you need something that brings you balance, that encourages you to trust that everything will be accomplished, that brings you calming to your spirit.

Have you ever needed "Nagomi?"

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I grew up always wanting to be liked and accepted. It was hard for me to understand how someone got the courage to disagree with another's opinion or suggest what they wanted to do instead of going along with the crowd. I never wanted to risk doing those things because I wanted to be liked. During my doctoral studies, we were given an assignment to write a growth plan, giving a timeline, points of actions, resources needed, outcomes defined. I chose my desired growth was to become someone who was willing to speak up for my own opinion. I worked hard at that assignment and I can tell you today, I made a change in myself. And guess what? I don't think that the new "me," so to speak, has become any less liked than before I gained that skill. That is one of my reinvention stories.

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As you know, I have been writing in my journals since 2004 after a young English major from St. Ben's University, named Katie Silus, introduced them to me on a plane from Denver to Minneapolis. We exchanged addresses before disembarking and two weeks later, I received a small Moleskine journal and a salsa recipe in the mail from Katie. She changed my life. I am in Journal #23. I number each page in my journal and invite people to play the "journal game" by choosing a number. I turn to that page, read what is written, and a conversation often begins. It's really a connector.

But more importantly, I have followed Katie Silus's advice on keeping a journal. She said I could write thoughts, quotes, things others say, things I observe, draw pictures, press flowers...and I have done all of that. My journals are filled mostly with quotes. When I die and one reads my journals, they will know who I am by the quotes I have chosen. The quotes reflect what kind of life I hope to live, what I value, and reflect the virtues I strive for. I always keep my journal with me in case I need to record something meaningful...and there are so many meaningful things to remember in life if we stay alert to them.

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Remember a while back when I shared the story about the greedy King, who never smiled? He learned that there was a magical quiltmaker living in the mountains. He asked one of his soldiers why he had never received a quilt from the quiltmaker. The soldier replied, "Because she only gives her quilts to the poor." When the king demanded she give him a quilt, she refused. He became obsessed with having one, but no matter what he said to the old woman, she refused. Finally, she said, "Alright, make a gift of everything you own, give everything away, and then I will make you a quilt." It was most difficult for the king, but soon, he complied with the old woman's demand and slowly began giving away his treasures. A strange thing began to happen. the more he gave away, the happier he became. He began smiling. While he gave, the old woman worked on his quilt. Finally, it was finished, and she went down the mountain to search for the king. She found him in tattered clothes with holes in his boots. She handed him the quilt. He asked what it was for, and she reminded him that she promised to give him one of her quilts when the day came that he had given all he had to the poor. He told the old woman that he may look poor now, but his heart was bursting with happiness, and he felt he was the richest man around. (The Quiltmaker's Gift by Jeff Brumbeau)

Ah, interesting how when he gave his attention to giving and helping the poor, he became the happier, truly rich in spirit.

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Last week during class, I showed my students a video clip on being resilient. After it was over, I asked them to write down everything they could remember from the clip. I'd like to ask you to do a similar exercise. Take a piece of paper and pen and for 30 seconds, write down everything and everyone you do not want to take for granted. Did it get easier the more you wrote or harder?

Today we signed our new wills. What a great reminder that life is short, and there are people and things that we hold precious. Let's not waste time wishing we had not taken them for granted. Now, keep writing on that list!

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If you reflect with me for one minute who were the three kindest people you know, who might you choose? What is the evidence that points to the reason you chose them? Would you be in someone's top 3 list of kind people? What would the evidence be that they might choose you?

What gives me hope today is that kindness in the end is always stronger than hatred. It lingers in someone's life in a positive way. In a lasting way. Let's all choose kindness.

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Bonnie Benard, wrote, Resiliency: What We Have Learned, in which she identifies four questions to help understand one's meaning in life. We should consider asking ourselves: 1) Who am I? 2) What do I love? 3) How shall I live? and 4) How can I make a difference. "If there is meaning," says Benard, "there is purpose." Notice that purpose does not necessarily have anything to do with your career or how you make a living. It can include those, but it doesn't have to. A sense of purpose is often found in having goals, educational aspirations (which I think can be curiosity, the love of reading and learning), persistence, hopefulness, and a sense of a bright future. It's sometimes hard to define. There are no rules, you get to decide what it means for you.

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The power in stories is that you can use the same story to support many different ideas or concepts. You can also tell stories over and over because not only do we learn something different each time we hear a story, but stories ignite something amazing...connection, hope, peace, inspiration, pleasure...and so much more. I'm reminded this week of a story I have told many times in these podcasts. I truly believe it's one of the most powerful stories I tell and is absolutely the best story to introduce today's podcast.

There was a monk who was walking down a path in the village when he spied a shiny object in the dirt. He picked it up, wiped it off, and knew he was holding a gem of great value. He put it in his satchel and continued walking. Soon he met a beggar who asked him for some bread as he was so hungry. The monk said, “Sure!” And he opened his satchel to fetch his loaf of bread. As he did that, the beggar spied the shining gem and asked if he could have that instead. The monk replied, “Sure!” And he gave the beggar the gem. They parted and, in the afternoon, the monk saw the beggar walking toward him holding out the gem intending to give it back. When they met, the monk asked, “What is it, don’t you want it anymore?” The beggar replied, “No, I want whatever you have that allowed you to give it away so freely, for that is what is most precious.”

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Dear Family and Friends,

Have you noticed that when you look through a stained glass window, you cannot see the shapes beyond it very clearly or distinctly? You can hardly even distinguish shapes or colors. But yet there is beauty and purpose in the side you do see. Stained glass is a great metaphor for life in many ways.

Today I will talk about hard things. Like looking through stained glass, we cannot see the other side of the glass clearly in order to understand. But through time, love, perseverance, and trust, we will again see beauty.

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Liese Greensfelder, from California, decided in 1973 at 18 years of age to pursue a dream to help people in time of need, so she joined The Norwegian Committee for International Education and Youth Work to work on a Norwegian farm. She was to live with a family on their farm and work over the summer. When she arrived, there was no one at the train station to meet her. She eventually learned that her host had a stroke and was in the hospital and she would have to be in charge of the farm until he was well enough to come home. She'd never had any experience running a farm. This 18 year old girl from California was now in charge of a farm in Norway!! She had to learn how to milk the many cows, take care of the horses, sheep, harvest hay, tend the large garden, and upkeep the run-down farmhouse that had no indoor plumbing, and only a wood stove for heat. She spoke no Norwegian. Liese was alone. What a crisis in her life! But, as she wrote in her book, Accidental Shepherd, it opened up a new world, discovering strengths and a resilience she never knew she had.

What would you have done if you had been in her shoes?

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My dad was amazing at making relationships and initiating conversations with people. If you had asked him how he was so good at that art, he would probably have said, "Well, I ask a question, and then I listen." And that is exactly what he did. One of his favorite books was, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. He suggested I read it. It has since become one of my favorite books, too. It's stood the test of time and has helped me in communicating and relating to people as it did for him. You might want to put it on your list.

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There is an African proverb that says, "if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together."

Have you found yourself in conversation with someone or a group that was so good, so nurturing to your spirit that you didn't want it to end? What is the magic found in those kinds of conversations? I wonder if it's because they bring us together with others, they ignite ideas, they boost morale, and they make us want to be better human beings! They "help us go far together."

So how do they happen? What is the secret of those kinds in conversations? Good things to ponder.

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I have a group of friends, Rozi, Sue, Connie, and Jennie, who are amazing quilters. Years ago, I learned how to quilt from Rozi, however, I did not keep up with the art. Though I'm not a quilter, I tell stories. So, together, this group makes the essence of today's podcast. Stories...that made the last quilt.

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A wonderful quote attributed to Anne Frank says, "No one has ever become poor by giving." In these fearful days, doing something for another is an instant antidote for the fear that can too easily have a grip on our inner peace. Giving comes in many forms...in tangible ways or in caring, listening, or doing, for example. The feeling of fulfilment and joy comes from any form of giving. As a wise person once said, "Give until it feels good."

Others need what we can give and our needs are filled when we do the giving.

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Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Everything – including love, hate, and suffering, needs food to continue. If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering.” Ghandi said, "My life is my message." Two powerful quotes by two powerful people who found their power, their influence, their purpose in living meaningful lives promoting joy, love, and goodness.

Today's podcast reflects the life of another powerful person who lived her power in the last 4 1/2 years of her life on this earth with joy. Our student graduation speaker for the graduate program at Buena Vista University where I work part time, Sarah Howk, told us that her super power was "to be underestimated." She knew people would make an assumption, just by looking at her, about her ability to be strong, confident, and do big things. Instead of being intimidated by their assumptions, she used them to make her rise above. What a message she sends through her life. Just as my friend did in the last 4 1/2 years. Just as you and I can do with the same kind of determination.

Let's feed a message of joy, of strength, of confidence, to spread love, empathy, joy, and goodness to our world!

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I was a sophomore in college when I first began dating my husband. I had just been awarded a college letter jacket for my role as the college's first woman football trainer. I was so proud of that jacket. Soon after receiving it, I went to lunch in the campus center and when I returned to the coat hooks, my jacket was gone. Someone took it. I was devastated, angry, and disappointed beyond words. I went to my dorm room and cried and cried. After a while, my phone rang and I heard the voice of my new boyfriend, now my husband. What a treat in my day...to hear the voice of my heart-throb!! Suddenly, the loss of the jacket wasn't a big deal at all. My spirits had lifted above the gray cloud of that big loss. His voice brightened my day so much that I could move beyond despair. Treats in our bad days are like that...they move us beyond the gray.

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Phrases have always surfaced to represent a series of actions, concepts, or tasks. For example, a new one we hear about now is the concept of "onboarding," which is defined as the process of integrating a new employee into the company or institution.

Lately, I have heard several terms that are new to me and represent a good nudge that brings about change, positive growth, inspiration, and motivation. Adopting a "catch phrase" can encapsulate an idea and keep it simple so that it is memorable and makes us eager to grow into it.

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Many years ago, I went with a group of friends to Minneapolis to attend the live radio production of Prairie Home Companion, by the storyteller, Garrison Keillor. I sat next to a young man with a red t-shirt that said, "Kenosha Storytellers," or something like that. We struck up a conversation and I told him I always wanted to be a storyteller. He said, "Just go find a group and tell a story." Something happened inside me when he said that and I went home, asked the local library if I could come and tell a story to the children's story hour. A few weeks later I found a book describing how to become a storyteller, and the rest is history, my life was changed forever.

One sentence from a stranger caused a lifelong change. Hmmm...just how does that happen? Did it ever happen to you?

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Margaret J. Wheatley wrote, Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future, in 2009. In reading it, you would think she wrote it with today in mind. She describes some of the beliefs that motivate her actions. Wheatley says, "People are the solution to the problems that confront us .... I can't think of anything that has given me more hope recently than to observe how simple conversations that originate deep in our caring give birth to powerful actions that change lives and restore hope to the future."

Conversations and acts of kindness build strong communities...love squads.

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Many of you may remember the characters in the children's book series of Junie B. Jones or Pippi Longstockings. These two girls were known for their unconventional, independent, imaginative, and mischievous spirits. Perhaps what was so endearing is their fearlessness in being authentic, who they truly were. It reminds me of the quote I found recently by an unknown author who said, "So comfortable in her own skin that she moves like the wind itself and when she passes it's not unusual to think to yourself, it's time to stop being afraid of my life."

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Isn't it fascinating how in a completely dark room, lighting a single match allows you to see where to walk, what to avoid, treasures, and a way out? It shows that one small light is indeed more powerful than a great expanse of darkness. One small crack of light under a door keeps a large room from being dark.

Perhaps in this dark time, being with a kind, hopeful, or positive person, can help us see possibilities, or a sense of comfort for our worried souls.

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I love getting to know our servers whenever we go to a restaurant. When my husband, Donnie, our daughter, Maria, and our dear friend Matt go out to eat, I will ask several questions to our server, starting with what their name is if not already given, and then whatever question comes to my mind. Matt will usually chime in by saying, "She'll have your life story before we leave tonight." He's not far from wrong. I have an insatiable desire to get to know people well.

My dad always told me that relationships aren't just one thing, they are everything. But creating a place for relationships to grow is the art we should all dedicate ourselves to learning...because they are everything.

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In Norwegian folklore, trolls are notorious for being of large physical size and strength, but very small brains. Since trolls were so huge, the only way Norwegians were able to defeat the troll was to outwit it with their intelligence and problem solving skills.

Sometimes, it does us well to think of fear as a troll. It seems at times to have the ability to defeat us, but within each of us is the capacity to face fear and use our wits to be stronger than it. We do have that ability, each of us. Today I encourage you to reframe what we fear so that we do not allow it to overpower us and take away what is good in our days.

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Long ago I heard a quote that has stayed with me. It goes, "Life is like a field of newly fallen snow. Where you choose to walk, your footsteps will show."

Have you ever hugged someone who was wearing cologne or perfume and found that the rest of the day, the scent lingered on your clothes? Did you find that as you breathed in the scent throughout the day, you would think of that person? They left worthy evidence of their moment with you, didn't they? That's my podcast teaser!

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One of my favorite shows is CBS Sunday Morning. Yesterday one of the segments depicted current survivors of the Holocaust. They are now in their 80s and 90s. A photographer, Gillian Laub, is taking beautiful photographs of as many of these survivors as she can and then displays their pictures on the sides of buildings in New York City with quotes and inscriptions to not forget what happened and to give hope. One of the women photographed said to the photographer, "What's going to happen when I'm not here? Who's going to tell my story?"

Story has the power to shape history, to prevent disaster, to heal individuals, to bear witness. There is power in the story. We must take note. We all have a story to tell.

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Lighthouses have been on my mind lately. Recently I was introduced to the concept of "Lighthouse Parenting," which describes parents who stand with their children to aid in guidance or direction, but do not always prevent them from making mistakes in order that they can learn from them to grow wise and strong.

Today I will talk about Lighthouses again from a different vantage point. Though technology has taken away for the need to use lighthouses as they once were used, they stand as a great metaphor for so many aspects of our life's journey. Just think of the people who used to live and work in the Lighthouse. What did they call them? Light keepers. What a name to bear... Can we be one, too?

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I have a three-legged milking stool that used to belong to my husband, Donnie's dad or grandfather. It's a treasure to me because it reminds me of the stories shared by my parents and father-in-law of those days on the farm, milking the cows by hand. It was a lot of work. Milking cows today is still a lot of work, but in a different way.

We are doing a lot of mental work lately as we sort through the news reports and learn to deal with our reactions to them that so often involve fear or sadness to changes that are sending us into so much unknown, no matter what political lens you choose. There was always unknown on the farms long ago, but the physical work perhaps was a way they could deal with it. It was something they could do. Could we, too, be like those farmers of long ago and figure out how we can navigate this time of unknown by doing something?

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When was the last time you had a really good talk with someone? I don't know about you, but after one of those good conversations, I feel so fulfilled. There's something about sharing words and thoughts and hearing words and thoughts from others back and forth to produce meaningful interactions that puts a layer of goodness, purpose, and of course meaning to our lives.

Conversations have the power to build a sense of belonging. I believe conversation needs to be honored and nurtured because they are nutrients to our wellbeing as people and as a society. What makes a good conversation for you?

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My mom has dementia. I called her on Saturday night after writing this podcast and asked her if she remembered what happened this week in our government. She told me that she didn't remember. When I reminded her that a new president had taken over, she remembered a bit, but said she couldn't place exactly what it was all about. Then she said, "That is what this memory loss does. I just can't remember those things." I asked her what she was grateful for. She easily listed off things for which she was grateful.

There is a good lesson in these uncertain times. There are things happening beyond our control, but there are still things about living our lives within our control. Today's podcast focuses on some of those things we can do to keep our spirits buoyant. Perhaps one of the most important is to magnify that for which we are grateful. That is the best medicine for which is at our disposal day or night.

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You've probably heard commentators speak to the untruth in the old childhood adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me." I wonder how that saying ever came to be. It was probably meant to give courage to a child to deal with or stand up to name calling or intimidation. But we all know it is not true. Words can hurt. Words can cause lifelong damage and harm.

Remember the "swiveled lens" that eye doctors flip when we are asked at an examination, "which is better, 1 or 2?" What if we "flip" the focus of that childhood adage to ring, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my words will always reflect the best of me?" Think of what we can do for others and ourselves, by flipping our focus away from fear to bringing goodness and kindness through the words we speak.

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The Japanese art, Kintsugi, is the practice of putting broken pieces of pottery back together to create something not only beautiful because gold is used to outline the cracks, but the piece is stronger than before and radiently embracing the flaws and perfections. Kintsugi has often been used as a metaphor for healing, because in the process of repairing, something more beautiful and resilient has been created.

Cracks in pottery are often called scars, just as the wounds of past hurts leave scars in people. But when people seek to repair those wounds, the scars can take on a new look or disappear under the reflection of peace and resilience.

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In a text from which I taught from once, there was a wonderful line which read, "No one rises to low expectations." This doesn't mean we strive to be perfectionists about all we do or become, but I think it gives us a meaningful challenge to give our learning, living, and our loving the best from ourselves.

I have often said that I live by two philosophies of life. 1) I wake up each morning and look forward to something (big or small), and 2) I don't want to be 95 years old and look back on my life and say, "Why didn't I?"

Hmmm...sounds like it's in our hands.

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If you asked me, "What does fun look like in my world?" I would probably say, (in no specific order), 1) entertaining in our home, 2) playing rescue with my 4 y.o. grandson, 3) attending a party 4) laughing until I cry at something someone says or does, 5) and playing games. Those are the things that involve others. I also have fun when I 1) research and write my podcast, 2) read, 3) play piano, or 4) play piano. These things are fun just doing alone.

What is on your list? How often do you do them? How often do you say, "Oh, that was so fun!" Is there enough fun in your life?

Fun is not optional, it is essential.

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I love the story of Josef Szajna, a designer and famous director of theatre in Poland during World War II. He was imprisoned in the concentration camps of Auschwitz and Buchenwald. He survived. But while in the concentration camps, he was confined to a "standing cell," 4 feet by 4 feet, made of cement block with no windows, and a ceiling open to the sky. During the long sleepless nights, Szajna used those hours to grow in his skills as a designer. He stood in the cold, crowded cell, and used his imagination to make works of art while looking up into the sky. He said that his passion and belief in himself saved his sanity and his life.

We all have the potential to transform a miserable or lonely time in our lives with our imagination, understanding, and belief in ourselves, and our desire to live a meaningful life in spite of our circumstances.

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Have you ever given away to some one a thing that was of great value to you? Has anyone given you something that was of great value to them? Giving generously and spontaneously is easy for some and hard for others. But when it is done, the reward in one's spirit is wonderful.

Giving and receiving...like the beating of a heart...blood in and blood out...to give and sustain life. Giving and receiving should be practiced and lived, and joy will abound.

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I love the quote attributed to Saint Basil (A.D. 330-379) when he said, "[Those] who sow courtesy reap friendship, and [those] who plant kindness gather love." It's so true, basically simple and yet so often we struggle.

Today the models of sarcasm, snarkiness, and rudeness can be seen all over the airwaves of television, movies, memes, FaceBook, and more. You can't miss it. I cringe to see how much our children are exposed to the tones and the words of a sarcastic society. But it doesn't have to be, does it? We can't change all the exposure, but we can change ourselves and through the ripples of energy and appreciated kindness we can make a difference in someone.

So, let's keep trying.

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Tis the Season! The holiday seasons during this time of year have become some of the most wondrous and yet intense of times. Expectations are key...nostalgia fuels expectations, traditions fuel expectations, relationships fuel expectations, hence intense. How can we maintain a perspective that will allow us to engage so we can enjoy and cherish the time and memories made? I came across an idea that, if we adopt it, can make these next weeks meaningful.

It is said that a man once told the author Mark Twain that he wished he had never read Twain's book, Huckleberry Finn. Scowling, Twain asked him why. The man smiled and replied, "So that I could have the pleasure again of reading it for the first time." Ah...a strategy for keeping wonder and positivity in all we do this season. Engage as if it were the first time.

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Has anyone said to you or have you said, "You have my word?" We take the power of words for granted, don't we? They can bring people together, tear relationships apart, make people laugh, start wars, teach the fundamentals of life, bring entertainment...it goes on and on. They truly hold power! But this week I want to encourage you to think about their ability to lead us to becoming deeper, better, and kinder human beings. Let's think about that...

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We have a painting in our home by Canadian Artist Ron Christiansen called, Sunset. It depicts four members of the Ojibwe tribe sitting in a circle in a grassy field at sunset. It's rich in color and line. What I like about it is that you can tell that the artist intended to depict a group in conversation with each other. They sit as they must have sat many times simply visiting. It is a wonderful reflection of one of the most beautiful forms of communication.

I've often wondered where the words that are released from our mouths go during times of visiting with others. Words cannot be seen but only heard and felt. It is almost impossible to exist without these invisible but vital elements of life. How important is visiting to your life? Have you thought about what you contribute to these moments of sharing with others? Have you thought about the impact being a part of a group of people sharing in simple conversation has on you?

Good things to consider.

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When I have counseled people who have had struggles with communicating with someone who is angry with them, I often suggest that when they are at an impasse and neither is listening to the other, that they ask the other person, "What do you need most to hear from me?"

We are in the days of "post election." We all scan the news feeds or listen to the reporters anxiously hoping they will say what we need to hear. It makes me think of the big storm that hit our town right after my dad had left to go to a meeting. I was probably 8 years old and so afraid of the loud crashing thunder and the sharp lightning that struck a tree close to our house. Suddenly, the door opened, and there was Dad. I remember sitting in his lap as we waited out the storm. I imagine I yearned for him to say what he probably did, and that was, "It's going to be alright."

Now in our adult years, we know that it doesn't always turn out "all right," but as we go forward in life, with the uncertainty of what will happen, the word that we have as our strongest anchor is what we need to hear.

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During this election season, we have all had to mentally reframe what it would be like if one or the other presidential candidate was elected. It's been a tense time. But as I often do, I lean into a powerful quote by Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl who said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Austin Kleon said that when he is anxious, he reads the old masters one of whom is Montaigne, who 400 years ago, wrote in On Prognostications about “the stubborn curiosity of our nature which delights in worrying about the future as if it had not enough to deal with in the present.” He then quotes Lucian: “Let the mind of men be blind to what is to be. May those who fear be permitted to hope.”

Dum spiro spero (while I breathe, I hope).

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These are intense times for our country. I often turn to the wisdom of people who have lived and led through times like these with love and grace. One of those people is Desmond Tutu, who led South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, after Apartheid ended. In the book, Believe, that shares many of his inspiring messages, I found this quote, "A time of crisis is not just a time of anxiety and worry. It gives us a chance, an opportunity, to choose well or to choose badly." He goes on to say, "This is a moral universe, which means that despite the evidence that seems to be to the contrary, there is no way that evil and injustice and oppression and lies can have the last word... that is what has upheld the morale of our people, to know that in the end good will prevail.

It's funny, but when I need a nudge to reassure me that the energy of goodness and love, that I call God, is present in this world, something shows up to give me that assurance. It happened today. In the podcast, I]share, as I always do, a message to write on your bathroom mirror. The bathroom mirror words that I give in this podcast, I've only seen or heard once, years ago. Until today...in the novel audiobook that I am listening to. It might seem goofy, but it is a hook of hope for me. I'll take it and cherish it. Now you have to listen to learn what that message is!

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Our daughter, Maria, and I have ongoing descriptions of our differences in certain areas. When it comes to experiences, Maria reminds me that she holds no expectations so that she is never disappointed and only pleasantly surprised. In life, she says, she strives for contentment, but that I strive for euphoria. We laugh, but it is probably true.

Though I look for the best and positive in things that I experience, life has taught me to accept how things turn out. That is a good place to be and brings me to the theme of today's podcast. Life is ultimately short, and I never want to wish it away or rue any part of it, even the bad parts. Because all our experiences add to texture, shadows, and light in our portrait of life. So, accept, embrace, and soak all we can from every day, from our experiences, from our relationships, so that in the end, our portrait is rich and beautiful.

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There is a Yiddish verb for complaining, kvetch. Its literal meaning is, to squeeze or to crush. When I think of the definition in reference to a person who is chronically complaining, or kvetching, it really fits, because a chronic complainer always squeezes joy out of the moment, crushes someone's spirit, wears on people listening, or simply makes others decide not to spend time with the "kvetcher."

There are healthy times to complain when action is needed to improve a situation. That is different from the habit of chronic/critical complaining, or "kvetching." The sound of the word, "kvetch" even brings a disagreeable feeling to one's lips.

So, who wants to be known as a "kvetcher?"

Thanks for listening.

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How do you deal with things that you cannot understand? Things that are a mystery. It can be fairly frustrating in this day and age when we can get answers at the tips of our fingers...via the internet. However, we are also faced with the conundrum of inaccurate answers, too. Much like folklore...answers were often made up to help people contend with the great mysteries in their environment and life. So grapple with that thought.

How do you handle things that do not seem to have an answer? Are you impatient, frustrated, fearful, anxious, or curious? Take an inventory of yourself. Stories are often our hook to put into some format ways of dealing with the mysteries of life. What stories in your world do that for you? They can be family stories, folktales, novels you've read, or non-fiction that satisfies. Things to think about.

Thanks for listening.

I have a book entitled, Wisdom from The Hidden Life of Trees, by Peter Whohlleben. In the page on "Patience," he writes: "Acorns and beechnuts fall at the feet of large 'mother trees.' Dr. Suzanne Simard, who helped discover maternal instincts in trees, describes mother trees as dominant trees widely linked to other trees in the forest through their fungal-root connections. These trees pass their legacy on to the next generation and exert their influence in the upbringing of the youngsters."

I am learning so much about how humans, animals, plants, and any living substance seems to pass along resilience and wisdom. It is amazing. Something not to be dismissed or taken for granted. So, if it is in our DNA to garner our experiences, our instincts, and our observations to pass on something meaningful, perhaps in the form of wisdom, to others, then we should.

Thanks for listening.

I love telling the story about a mouse sitting with a dove in a fir tree during a blizzard. The mouse asks the dove what the weight of a snowflake is, to which the dove replies, "Nothing." Then the mouse tells the dove a story about a time when he was sitting on a branch during a blizzard and decided to count the snowflakes as they fell to the branch. When the number reached 1,784,293, the next snowflake, that weightless snowflake, when it fell to the branch, the branch broke. The dove thought a bit and then replied, "If the weight of a snowflake, when combined with that of many, can cause a branch to break, so perhaps the weight of people, working together can make a difference."

I don't know about you, but I think the dove is right.

Thanks for listening.

For many years I taught piano based on the Suzuki Method, developed by Shinichi Suzuki. Its basis is repetition with little steps at a time. The process allows the learner to build one skill at a time by repeating and repeating the step until it is mastered. The beautiful thing that I learned in studying the Suzuki Method is that it is based on love of the child first because then you have patience.

This process came to mind when I reflected upon today's podcast on changing habits. When choosing a habit we want to change, it is important to love ourselves, so we can be patient in the process to change. When we try and try to change something in ourselves, it can be easy to see ourselves as a failure when we continue to miss the goal, but that only decreases our ability to change. Start by giving yourself a bit of love, acknowledge that change takes time...and then start the journey.

Thanks for listening.

A long time ago, I found a book in my Dad's library by Elbert Hubbard called, White Hyacinths (1907). In the front flap of the book was this verse, "If I had but two loaves of bread, I would sell one of them, and buy White Hyacinths to feed my soul." When I told my friend, Bill Hamm, that verse, he immediately recited, "If of fortune be bereft, And in thy store there be but left, Two loaves, sell one and with the dole, Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul." It was evident he had memorized it when he was young, probably in grade school. (Poem attributed to James Terry White.) I don't know how many times we repeated that poem together during those days when he was in Hospice, but there seemed to be a soothing presence when it was recited.

Our minds have a great capacity to hold many things in memory. My personal feeling is that we do not utilize that ability enough anymore and that if we would, we might find great joy, healing, or calm. Memorizing isn't required much anymore as it once was during school days, however, with intention, it's never too late to start.

Thanks for listening.

Starting in my late 30s, I seemed to collect a variety of groups that I spent time with. I had a coffee group, The Java Sisters, which included teachers who met at a bookstore for coffee after school. Then there was the Planning Committee, who planned nothing but got together to talk about leadership and entrepreneurship over a bit of red wine. The Card Club stopped playing cards after COVID and just met weekly at the local brewery to talk about whatever we could imagine. And now I have The Buds, a special group of my oldest friends. But we gathered...cared for each other...and belonged. For someone who never felt they fit in with a group growing up, this is quite amazing for me to count these opportunities. But how important they can be for meaning and belonging.

Humans need to belong. Unfortunately, young people join gangs because it is often the only place where they feel a sense of belonging. Sports teams and music groups give that sense of belonging. Churches and service clubs give it. The question to consider is, where do you get it? Belonging...sometimes we have to seek it out and sometimes it seeks us. But one thing for sure, we all need it.

Thanks for listening.

To introduce today's podcast, I searched the word, "sounds," on the internet. I found a 12 minute YouTube recording of all sorts of sounds. Quite fascinating. I remembered a sound I forgot to include in my podcast, the sound of a baby nestled on your shoulder, and remembered with awe, the sound of a baby's breath close to your ear and those wee sounds they make with their mouths.

Just as the chiming of a pendulum clock reminds us of the passage of time, so sounds remind us of who and what is important as we live out our time on this planet.

Thanks for listening...to the sound of my voice.

Making mistakes feels pretty bad sometimes. One often wonders what good can come from them. I remember a big mistake I made many years ago. I was in a musical ensemble and another member urged me to share their opinion that the ensemble really was not sounding good at all. I did just that, even though it was not my own, and I ended up embarrassing and hurting the director terribly. I felt awful. So what good can come from something like that? Well, I learned two big things. One is that if someone feels strongly about something, it is their responsibility to act on it themselves. The other thing I learned was how to be honest and admit a mistake to someone else and sincerely ask for forgiveness. It granted me wisdom that I might not have gained without the dreadful experience.

As Aretha Franklin says in the quote I have shared before, "The rough side of the mountain is the easiest to climb, the smooth side doesn't have anything to hold on to." Mistakes give us handles on the climb if we choose to see them that way.

Thanks for listening.

People have often asked why I can always be so happy. I tell them that I live by two philosophies of life. One is that every day I look forward to something. It can be as simple as my morning cup of coffee. The second is that when I'm 108 years old, I don't want to look back on my life and say, "Why didn't I?" I don't want to regret. So, when given an opportunity to take a chance that seems to fit who I am and what I live for...I try my best to take it!

For some reason, I reflected on life in this way early on and am glad I did. I wish I could remember all the happenstance moments that helped me mold those two philosophies, but they have served me well and I truly am a happy person. Another thing I have also learned in life is that it's almost, (note almost) never too late to begin, or edit your choices and ways of approaching your living.

Thanks for listening.

I love scrolling quotes in Pinterest because I am so inspired by simple sentences that encourage me to live better, be kinder, learn more, and seek wisdom. Simplicity is usually the most lasting mode of sustaining an important message or concept. Similar to "Occam's Razor," which tells us the simplest is often encouraged over the complex.

Recently, I discovered a new company's innovative way of spreading their mission to make the world a better place. It was inspiring to me. And inspiration, like breathing, gives life to an idea.

Thanks for listening.

Remember when Dorothy was clicking her ruby slippers together and softly repeating, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home...?" And then, remember when she woke up in Kansas and was so relieved and excited to see her Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, the farm hands, and the circus man she'd met? They were people close to her, in the environment she called "home." They belonged in her story and she belonged in their story. That is what home does. It develops the setting for stories of lives, friendships, crises, celebrations. They are "lived stories." And they are important because we belong in the story and to everyone a part of our story. A neighborhood is composed of those stories.

Hmmm...who are the stories in your neighborhood? Do you know them?

Thanks for listening.

Winston Churchill said, "Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision." He was right. Each one of us is living proof of his statement. They pair together whenever we face a scary situation. I didn't know how to dive until I was in my late 30's because I was so afraid of going headfirst into the water. Finally the day came and I decided to do it. It took courage. Oh, Winston. How right you were.

So what is your fear/courage story? Some of the stories are simple, some are dramatic, and some are traumatic. The human being is an amazing animal. We know the odds and more often than not are willing to risk a lot to do what we have to do. I'm very grateful for that. Aren't you?

Thanks for listening.

When I taught in China we learned it was important in Chinese culture not to lose face or take face. When our group of teachers would be brought to various companies to tour and talk to the administration, I always had so many questions. One day, I became concerned that I was perhaps causing them to lose face with all my questions about their practices. Finally at one of our company tours I asked the administrators if my questions were causing them to lose face. They quickly assured me that no, because I showed genuine interest, they could tell my intent.

At times we don't always know what will be the right thing to say or how what we say may be interpreted, even within our own culture. But when we express our sincere hope that we want them to know we care, understanding and acceptance can be shared together.

Thanks for listening.

In one of the texts I used when teaching Family Counseling, the author, Robert Taibbi, states that, "People are always doing the best that they can." He goes on to expand on this point saying, "If you believe that people are doing the best they can in the moment, not only is it a more optimistic view of life, but then it is possible to be compassionate to others rather than taking the one-up judgmental stance."

When we give up the role of judge, we can lean into compassion much easier and that always makes us better people and affects those we meet in ways we may not ever know. A quote I found recently by an unknown source says it best, "Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, valued, loved, and supported."

Be that person.

Thanks for listening.

In the book, "Humankind: A Hopeful History," the author, Rutger Bregman, tells a story about a young social worker who was mugged on his way to a restaurant. He gave the thief his wallet and as the thief was running away, the social worker offered him his coat. This made the thief stop and ask him what he was doing that for. The social worker replied, "I figured that if you are willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, you must really need the money. I was only going to go get dinner. If you want some, you can join me." As you can imagine, this had a life-changing ending. All because someone was willing to take a chance on the goodness of another person.

In our present world we have built walls around people we do not know to keep us safe from the stories we have come to, sometimes unconsciously, believe that most people who one does not know, might be someone to fear. I think we might be misguided.

Thanks for listening.

My Grandma used to say, "There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us, it behooves us all not to talk about the rest of us." Isn't that like a lot of things we do in our lives. Some things have both good and not so good within them; like social media and other things we indulge in. The challenge is learning to temper ourselves or maybe we should say learn to discipline ourselves in the usage so we lean into the good part of something.

I find such joy in sitting down to play the piano. If I hadn't been disciplined to practice, I probably would not find such joy today. A good lesson for us. The art of discipline in bending our addictive nature to look up from our devices and experience what and who is around us makes our lives so much richer.

My dad would have been 103 today...I wonder what habits they had in 1921 that society worried about!!

Thanks for listening!

I taught CPR for many years. We teach CPR by repeating and repeating the necessary steps so they can become almost an automatic response when the need arises to perform it on someone whose heart has stopped.

It seems our minds remember things best when a process is laid out in several specific steps. Today's podcast explores the necessity of forgiveness in coming to peace when we are wounded. Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho wrote a powerful book that allows us to learn a process of forgiving. It is so empowering.

Picking up from last week's podcast on our woundedness, forgiving is a much needed step to living lives free and with peace. Make this process an automatic response in your life. As CPR brings life for a stopped heart, this process will bring breath to your soul.

Thanks for listening!

I don't know if genetics plays a part in this or not, but one thing I believe I inherited from my dad is the deep care I feel for wounded people. We all have experienced emotional wounds in our lives, but I watched while growing up how my dad would tend to these people with an open heart, ready to hear their wound story. I asked him many times why it seemed people were drawn to tell him the stories of the wounds they carried inside. He would say, "I don't know for sure, but when we sit down to talk, I simply say, 'Tell me about it.'"

I recently found a file of letters he saved from people who had shared their stories with him. The letters shared their gratefulness for his listening ear, his wisdom in helping them sort through the pain, and then discovering their way to forgiveness and peace.

Wound stories are important. Sharing them is often important so peace can take root.

Thanks for listening.

Emails have threatened many relationships and sometimes destroyed them because the tone could not be heard and the words written may have been interpreted wrongly without tone or facial expression. Emails are so often judged far differently than intended. That is why I LOVE being able to call a person or meet on Zoom/Teams in situations that are sensitive in order to hear a voice express the thought. I do this with my students all the time. Almost all things can have a better outcome when we reserve judgement and make the effort to communicate openly.

How many times have we given up opportunities because we are actually afraid of the unknown or the effort it takes to make the opportunity the right one? We rely on excuses or judgement that we feel keeps us safe or more secure. We sometimes default to criticizing the opportunity because we fear change or loss of what we know.

Judgement is tricky...and negative judgement can become a habit, sometimes in exchange for a life of possibilities.

Thanks for listening!

It seems it is human nature to be drawn to stories that describe people who have made difficult decisions to do things that might have been out of their comfort zone but have made a big effect in some aspects of their lives, but most often the lives of others. I'm always curious as to the background of those people and the stories in their lives that led them to have the kind of courage to make those decisions, take those actions, or stand up and take the difficult side of a situation when it is the right thing to do. Perhaps we are drawn to those stories because we seek the encouragement, the courage, and the wisdom to do the same when we are or have been faced with similar situations.

The seeds have been planted in each of us, just as they have been in those we seek to emulate. Let us continue to live courageously, supported by the stories of those who have gone before us and shown us we can do what we can do, what we must do!

Thanks for listening!

It takes courage to tell someone you are sorry and admit to making a mistake. It also takes courage to ask for forgiveness after offending someone or making a mistake. But the release of regret and sometimes self-loathing, that comes when one is able to admit and then make the needed amends, can be so refreshing and relieving. It makes me wonder, why don't we free ourselves of the uncomfortable feelings following a verbal mistake more often? Answer: We are human and are so often afraid to appear vulnerable. But...we can change that habit. Takes some discipline and courage, but it is wonderfully possible!

Thanks for listening!

I grew up in a family of readers. There is so much in life to learn from books. This week, my thoughts were wrestling with an historical account of a man's quest for power in a place where you would not expect it, thus reminding me that humans are always vulnerable to become that which they might think they never would become. But then, that is why reading or exposing us to learning can help us learn to watch for dangerous pathways.

When I see the parallels of those times to these times, I'm reminded not to be surprised but learn instead. As Paul Harvey said, "In times like these, it's good to know, there have always been times like these."

Thanks for listening.

I have probably mentioned before that I am often asked how I can be so cheerful all the time. Perhaps it has to do with my two philosophies of life. One is that every day when I wake up, I look forward to something. It could be as small as a cup of coffee! The other is that I do not want to be 108 years old looking back on my life and say, "Why didn't I?"

This week I focus this podcast on that second philosophy, not wanting to regret giving up an opportunity or chance when it comes my way. We all have memories of regrets around chances not taken.

But take heart, there is goodness in reflecting upon those chances not taken.

Thanks for listening.

When my dad was teaching me to float, he would hold his hands under me and then tell me to tip my head back and trust his arms. He then would gently pull them back, then put them under me, pull them back, then put them under me until I realized I was floating. Two wonderful things occurred. Knowing that I could trust my dad to be there and then when I did it on my own, I felt so empowered.

That memory and the topic of this podcast, reminds me of a singing group that used to be at Wartburg College, in Waverly, IA where we lived until this past year. The name of the group was "Hope Floats." I love that name. In times like these, I want to rely on Hope to keep me up, just as my dad's hands did. I want that trust in hope to keep me buoyant no matter what we may have to face in this world.

Hope can help us float.

Thanks for listening.

If you have grandparents or memories of them, you hopefully remember the feeling of love, the warm and cozy hugs, the joy that you had just being with them or looking forward to seeing them. You probably don't first think of their wrinkles, sagging skin, gray or white hair, or larger frames that usually strike us as we age. You have looked past those features because the person behind them is so important and special.

Just as the things we have weathered in our lives that have made us better or more beautiful in our spirit and reflection to others. Those experiences often leave us wiser and changed in, hopefully, positive ways. They make us better, more beautiful. Think Kintsugi!

Thanks for listening

I've mentioned before how much I learn from quotes. My journals are packed with quotes that reflect my values, hopes, and characteristics I hope to emulate while wandering this earth. I find meaning in ancient as well as current sages of wisdom.

This week I explore a way to look at the quote by Rumi, who was a 13th-century poet, and Sufi mystic, and has been revered for his wisdom over the ages by almost all traditions. Rumi said, "One of the marvels of the world is the sight of a soul sitting in prison with the key in their hand."

For some reason, some of the images that came to my mind were the episodes of Andy Griffith, depicting Otis, the town drunk, who would come into the jail after a night of drinking, take the key from the nail by the jail cell, lock himself in, then reach his arms through the bars to put the key back on the nail. In the morning, after sobering up, he reached through the bars for the key, unlocked his cell, and let himself be freed.

I really gave you a spoiler alert this week. But I want your mind to start exploring how this might pertain to your life before you begin listening.

Thanks for listening!

Today we often hear people claiming to have "imposter syndrome." If you haven't heard of it, it's when someone doesn't feel competent or confident despite what they have achieved. They do not feel the sweetness of success because they are waiting for "the other shoe to drop," so to speak. To be found fraudulent or fully inadequate.

There is an antidote, which is to lean into self-reflection, really defining who you feel you are. This takes time, asking yourself many reflective questions requiring authentic answers. The result should be exhilarating. You will know when the true "you" arises.

Thanks for listening!

Edgar Stafford wrote of his poetry, "I have woven a parachute out of everything broken." It reminds me of the 100 year-old rag rugs my mom and sister, Freda, have in their home. Broken and torn pieces of fabric, woven together by loving hands, have withstood time, dirt, and crushing feet. They are strong, durable, and beautiful.

Bianca Sparacino wrote a book entitled, The Strength of Our Scars." One of the phrases that epitomize the book's title is, "Some of the kindest souls I know have lived in a world that was not so kind to them."

Parachutes of broken pieces, rugs of discarded rags, and kindness made from scars. And yet...you fill in the rest.

Thanks for listening.

When my dad was alive, he often repeated a story from his college years to us kids. He described going into a professor's office to discuss a question he had on a paper or something like that. As he stood in front of the professor's desk, the professor continued to focus on the other papers laying in front of him. He would mindlessly mutter an acknowledgement every now and then as my dad talked, but he never looked up and continued marking the papers he was working on. Finally my dad said something like, "I guess these papers are more important than my question." He took his paper, turned, and left the professor's office.

The point of Dad's story was not lost on us kids. He constantly modeled the importance of focusing on and listening to whoever is in our presence. That repeated story was shared to give us a picture of who we should not want to become.

Listening is of the utmost importance in creating meaningful relationships. As a car needs a periodic tune-up, so do our listening skills.

Thanks for "listening!!"

In one of the later Star Wars movies, Darth Vader, the bad guy who is totally despicable, ends up being killed. The movie discloses that he was really the father of the good guy, the hero, Luke Skywalker. However, in the last scene of the movie, there is a great celebration of the good guys and the creatures who helped them defeat the bad guys. While the good guys are sitting enjoying the fulfilment of their victory, there appears an illuminated group of former leaders who have previously died. Within that group is the notorious Darth Vader (actual name Anakin Skywalker), who is now uncloaked, smiling, and lovingly looking upon his son, the living hero.

I love that scene, because it gives me hope that one day people who I believe to be terribly bad can perhaps become changed. Or in some cases, maybe it is through a change in our relationship that my insights or opinions of them are changed. Either way, hope releases me. I hope it will for you, too.

Thanks for listening.

I have told you about my interest in Physics, probably due to the influence of my brother, Pete. Well, a question led me to consult him again...and I left with new inspired possibilities of living meaningfully.

Our minds have been graced with so much if we just seek what we inherently seem to know to be true...to take advantage of silence and to use our minds.

Thanks for listening!

Some months ago, I shared with you the wonderful experience I had when I was asked by a parent from the school where I served as principal to meet with some young women. She asked me to talk about life as a woman, mom, wife, career person, using my stories and experiences to encourage them in their stage of life. It was a wonderful evening of sharing. However, one of my favorite things about the event was seeing the invitation each of the women received. It was entitled, "The Elder Listening Session." I was the ELDER! I LOVED it. But it also made me realize the responsibility I had at this age to pass on what I've learned from others in the same way throughout my life.

I wouldn't have the trove of stories and insights to share without having the sage elders guiding me as I grew through adulthood. If you are younger, who are the elders in your world? If you are older, who are the young people in your world? We need each other!!

Thanks for listening!

We are so often drawn to stories about people who have experienced some sort of disabling tragedy and then gone on to do great things in spite of the physical challenges. Perhaps we love that kind of inspiration in hopes that we can be like them if we should face similar circumstances.

Let's put those thoughts of, "I hope I can persevere like that if...," out in front of us. Perhaps mentally trying things on can be good for us.

Thanks for listening.

Isn't it interesting that with all the scary things you hear and read in the news, we all have an innate sense to know that those we love will remain safe. Love is truly one of the most powerful feelings and knowings in this life. We cannot see it...we see only the effects of it, the drive to sustain it, the need to know it, the desire to share it.

It is love that continues to give me hope. Love gives me hope because most people respond to love. Every culture is heartbroken when bad things happen to those whom they love.

We may not be able to affect great big things in the happenings around the world or in our politics, but we can share love to our fellow human beings and make a difference by how someone feels after being around us. That is pretty powerful when you sit and think about it.

So in these times of helplessness over all we read and hear in the news, do not think you cannot make a difference. You have more power than you know.

Thanks for listening.

We all are careful to keep a phone charger handy so if ever our phone runs out of battery, we can quickly power it up. If it were so easy with human beings! Many people are running on "low batteries" today with no charger cord in sight.

We hear the need to keep our balance and make time for ourselves, but it's not easy. Just listening to a 5-6 minute podcast takes intention to carve a spot in our day. My friend, Cheri Lovre, created a social and emotional learning program called, "5 Radical Minutes" to help kids in schools. Maybe we need to capitalize on her idea of 5 minutes...to power our own batteries. 5 minutes...it just might work.

Thanks for listening.

Have you ever struggled to live up to someone's expectations? Or have you tried and tried to live up to someone's expectations only to learn they never had those expectations of you in the first place? Or have you been disappointed when someone didn't live up to your expectations?

Expectations are powerful. Our daughter, Maria, maintains that she doesn't have expectations because she says, "Then I'm never disappointed and only pleasantly surprised."

Expectations affect each of us differently and in many ways.

Thanks for listening!

Many, many years ago I came across a quote by Gordon MacDonald that urged me to look at leadership in a new way. He said, "A community will grow no higher than the quality of its leader." It bids us look around at the people under someone's leadership. Those cultures exist in families, in the workplace, in communities, and in whole countries. That quote says so much.

Leadership and power. So much to think about.

Thanks for listening!

What gives us courage to stand up for ourselves, face someone who intimidates us, or look at scarry political outcomes? Sometimes fear is worse when it is contained in our mind than when it comes to pass and we deal with whatever it is.

I have a friend, Jennie Spencer, who has leukemia. She knows her time is probably short and yet with that knowledge, she has learned to dance with her impending death. Jennie told me that through it all she has grown in a confidence she never had before. During this time, she has used her love of the arts to do wonderful things, from writing a book, painting works of art, and composing fabulous poetry. She lives JOY in her journey. It seems she uses her joy and love of art to spin a blanket of courage during this time. It's like she has a sling in her pocket...

Thank you, Jennie, for showing us that courage comes when we need it.

Thanks for listening,

Right before I began this intro today, I went on the CaringBridge page of a relative. Kelly had included a quote by Christine Caine that fits the podcast today as well as the times in which we currently live. It says: "Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you've been buried. But you've actually been planted."

As we traverse the difficult days of tragedy and worry, these are such good and reassuring words. Staying in the present and trusting that good will come...that is the essence of hope...the refreshment of our souls.

Thanks for listening.

Do you remember hearing the phrase "6 Degrees of Separation?" If you haven't, it refers to a concept that all people average about six or fewer social connections from each other. The studies researching this phenomenon have found surprisingly accurate results.

We all hold a curiosity to discover mutual acquaintances. But there is another kind of connection that I thirst for. That is the connection between ideas or events and making meaning of them in my life. Satisfying that thirst can help us get through challenges or simply find peace.

Happy New Year!

I continue to be amazed how little phrases, usually conceptually connected to a conversation or moment, can stick in one's mind, beckon a deeper understanding, or can motivate change in a way of living. It's like the mystery around what movies end up becoming classics. You just never know. That is why it behooves us to stay alert, observe, and be an open minded vessel to make connections to something greater.

A phrase in a conversation I had did just that for me.

Thanks for listening!

This podcast airs on Christmas Day. The time of year dedicated to giving. There are so many gifts exchanged, but there is one gift that can be given and that can be received that costs nothing to the giver and can be given over and over. It never ages. It can even be regifted over and over. It's the gift of love and it comes in many forms...a few of which are sacrifice, adoration, and kindness.

Merry Christmas and thanks for listening!

I have always admired Mother Teresa and all she did to bring notice not only to the needs of the world, but our responsibility as human beings to respond to those needs.

Here is a quote by Mother Teresa that is one we should hang in a prominent place in our homes to remind us of our responsibility to humanity: "If you can't feed a hundred people, feed just one. Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest to you. Love to be real, it must cost - it must hurt - it must empty us to self."

There are people among us who exemplify what Mother Teresa is imploring of us. Today I'll tell you about one such person in my life.

Thanks for listening.

Today I was at a doctor's appointment. The question was asked to me during the appointment, "what do you like to do?" Oh, my!! I started listing all my interests and it just felt so good thinking about those things that bring me so much pleasure. For some people, the list of interests is long, and for others it is short. There is no law or rule about that.

Another thing floating through my mind as I consider interests is the question, what do we do with them? How do they serve us and possibly others? But most importantly, what purpose do they fulfill? I hope I have you curious.

Thanks for listening!

Some years ago, I received one of my favorite quotes from a dear friend, Ron Matthias. Over the years we have expounded on the wonder of life and often dug deep into its meaning. He shared a quote with me by Abraham Joseph Heschel that I absolutely love. Here it is: "Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge."

I am so thankful for that quote. It gives me hope for so much and reminds me to focus on "wonder," which always keeps us from the temptation to set our confidence on what we can control, which rarely leads to peace in our souls.

There is much in our lives for which to be grateful. Wonder is the "happy hour" of a grateful heart. Wow! I just made that up. I kind of like that thought!

Thanks for listening!

We are now moved and settled in Rochester, MN. I have a magic place for my office and happily wrote this week's podcast from that little perch in our new home. But...there are boxes with my office "stuff" that I don't have room for and am struggling with to eliminate. Hence the reason for the topic. Moving is always a wonderful time for all of us to examine our attachment to so much that we really do not need to hang on to anymore. We hold on to a variety of things in our life, not only tangible items, but attitudes, grudges, and too much sentiment "stuff" that can weigh us down.

This week, just listen to yourself and others and see how many times you refer to "stuff!!"

Thanks for listening!

I sent a podcast to you today that was a repeat of last year's Thanksgiving podcast because we moved this week and I just did not have the chance to write and record a new one for you! Because of a computer change this summer, my recorded podcasts were lost. So, I only have those that I sent before August 7.

I'll send you a new "old" podcast from not so long ago, but it rings true for me today as we begin the process of embracing a new community. I am 68. In 30 years, I'll be 98. Who can I continue to grow into, what relationships can I build, and how can I serve and experience the greatness of living with the life I have left? Starting over in a new community brings a pause and moment to reflect. We should not do that just when we move, but perhaps each morning when we put our feet from our bed to the floor. Life is to be lived. It is to be lived well and it is to be lived now.

Happy Thanksgiving...live in gratitude!

Are you waiting for anything? Anyone? The dictionary describes the word "wait" as a transitive verb meaning, to stay in place in expectation of: AWAIT. As an intransitive verb it means, to remain stationary in readiness or expectation, to pause for another to catch up, or to look forward expectantly. I like the last one...to look forward expectantly. It's like peeking into the future, but expecting it soon in your present moment.

Why is waiting so hard? I think it is quite simple. We know the past, we know our present moment, but the future, therein lies a mystery. Waiting can hold a love/hate relationship within each of us. It also holds many outcomes...joy, relief, sorrow, patience.

What do we do with "the wait?"

Thanks for listening!

Kris

Remember that old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again?" Trying again is in the hands of the person required to try. Sometimes the barrier in trying again is the one who holds the opportunity for the 2nd chance.

I recently experienced the bliss that comes from giving a 2nd chance to someone who was beyond grateful for the opportunity. It can be a hard decision on the part of someone allowing a 2nd chance and also a scary "gift" on the part of the person receiving the 2nd chance. Risk is a given on both sides.

Whatever side you have been on, there is always something to be learned, just as there is when no 2nd chance is given. I am always for a 2nd chance. Not everyone is. That is ok. The most important thing is whatever hand we are dealt, we gain wisdom only when we embrace the learning.

Thanks for listening!

Many years ago I was asked to give a talk on the positive effect of laughing. From my research, I learned things that changed my approach to life that are with me to this day. One of those things is the importance of belly laughing. It exercises your body, but also your spirit and your soul. I had to reflect about the last time I had belly laughed. Now, because I decided to listen for absurdities, observe the comical sense of human nature, and just enjoy the lightness of a moment, I have increased my belly laughing many times over. It does not involve mean laughter, put down laughter, or laughter at the expense of another, it involves genuine and simple laughing at parts of life that allow us to not take it so seriously and enjoy the journey.

I talked to a good friend going through the beginning stages of chemotherapy. We talked about the fear people have when having conversation with those who face this kind of medical experience. We talked about the need for laughter to help us ride through the tough times. Even in grief, there is a need for laughter to help manage the darkness and ease into some sort of equilibrium to endure the challenges of working of through a death.

Laughter...the free pill, the prescription to better living.

Thanks for listening!

Over the last year and a half, you have heard me repeat quotes that connected to the message of the podcast many times. I have said some of them over and over, like the three words from my dad, "Assign people value," or from Frances Hodgson Burnett, "We learn things by saying them over and over until they stay in our mind forever," or from Viktor Frankl, "No one can take away my freedom of choosing how I will react to what happens to me," or from Mother Teresa, "Let no one come to you without leaving better."

I believe those are some of the most guiding and precious quotes to me, and have had a significant influence on how I try to live my life. In today's podcast I explore why words can be so effective in enhancing, changing, or determining the way we choose to live our lives.

Thanks for listening!

On this week's podcast, we explore change. Since recording it 12 hours ago, my family has experienced more change! We may have found a new home! As you listen, you'll find we were at a roadblock only 12 hours ago. This only goes to show that change can happen abruptly or gradually. Whatever the case, people still must deal with change.

How does the thought of change affect you? Do you embrace it or face it with dread or avoidance? Good things to think about. The world is flush with change and it always has been. Some changes we may face are frightening and some are just the way of life.

We have to think about our response to change. If we practice an open mindset, even though we would rather not face changes, an open mindset will make us more ready. So, if you do not embrace change, how can you help yourself to become flexible enough so that when you do face change, you do not become paralyzed, rigid, or grouchy?

Thanks for listening!

Have I told you that one of my "un-gifts" is math? I'm pretty bad with numbers!! But when it comes to making relationships, I feel at home.

I'm listening to the book, Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell right now. Gladwell talks about the human potential and what goes into making it uniquely suited to different people. That being said, I don't know why exactly I'm better at making relationships than at math, but I do know that I find deep joy in using whatever I know about building relationships to help make a better world. I probably can't do that in ways that will affect world peace, but I can do it in my corner of the world and then hope and pray that, like the ripple that happens when a stone is tossed into a lake, a tip or tool in building a bridge between two or more people can spread beyond the wavelengths of this podcast.

Go build a bridge today.

Thanks for listening!

Don't you wonder if cavemen/cavewomen had junk drawers? How about those who lived in the Middle Ages? Here's another question. Do you know people who have a terribly messy desk or workshop OR a stuffed junk drawer, and yet they know exactly where something is if you ask for it?

We're all like junk drawers in a sense. We may be hiding within ourselves or cluttered with so many obligations we cannot see straight. Nevertheless, today I reflected on the connection between people and junk drawers. Hopefully you will be able to examine your own junk drawers and how you might relate them to who you are.

Thanks for listening!

My dad always told me the story about a man who lived in the town of Reeve, Wisconsin, close to the town where my dad grew up. He said that no one really knew the man because they couldn't understand him and he dressed funny and consequently kept to himself, living in a house on the edge of that town. No one reached out to him or got to know him because he seemed strange to them and so they assumed he wanted to keep his distance.

After the man died, the town discovered he was displaced from Poland after WWII and ended up living in that small Wisconsin town. They also discovered that before the war, he had been a concert violinist.

What would have happened in his life if someone would have been willing to put forth effort to reach past the strangeness, try to communicate, and learn to know this man who had lived a different life before. We can only imagine.

Do you know someone who needs to be known? Do you have someone you wished you would have been brave enough to reach out to?

Have courage.

Thanks for listening!

I love the latest Disney version of the movie, The Lion King. In that movie, Simba, the lion, has grown from a cub to a full grown lion, but still lives with the guilt that he may have caused his father's death. Rafiki, the wise jungle counsel, takes him to a pool of water, encouraging him to look into the water. Simba says,"That's not my father, it's only my reflection." Rafiki says slowly, "Look harder." Suddenly, Simba sees his father's reflection emerge. Rafiki then tells him, "See, your father lives in you."

As we look into our own mirrors, do we see those whose example we seek to follow? Do we see evidence of confidence resulting from doing hard things and becoming more because of the challenge? Or do we see a disappointed or self-critical person staring back at us?

This week I encourage you to "look harder." See the person you want to see reflected back to you.

Thanks for listening!

In today's complex world, we are often drawn to things that seem to simplify. How many articles are entitled, 5 Easy Ways to... or `8 Ways to Grow Your Team," etc. The other day I listened to the podcast, Hidden Brain. Shankar Vedantam was interviewing a researcher on aging. She mentioned that as we grow older, we are able to see things more easily in a simpler form. As someone moving toward that vintage time in life, I totally see that.

In today's podcast, I tried something different. Hopefully my attempt at connecting the different concepts in a simple and holistic way will bring insight and encouragement to do that with other things that you find important to living your lives.

Have fun and thanks for listening!

I'm reading a book about the life of Michelangelo, the Italian sculpture, entitled, The Agony and the Ecstasy. It is fascinating. But interestingly, several different times in his life, a plague went through the land. One sounded similar to the COVID pandemic that we experienced. Though he lost important people in his life, he continued forward, never leaving the path which was his dedication to his art, his purpose.

I wonder how people responded to the plagues in those days. Did they emerge differently in some way? We can look at the Spanish Flu pandemic from 1918 and wonder the same thing. How I wish I had known what I know so I could have asked my dad what he remembers of the people in his life who lived through it.

But if we did know, how would that affect our own journey? The human condition...we just journey on.

Thanks for listening!

I just copied a quote from the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lau Tzu, in my journal today. He said, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." This week, I will talk about all three, the past, the present, and the future.

Influence touches all those times in our lives. As we reflect on someone who influenced us, we must do that in the past. When we see how that influence affects the way we live, we do that in the present. Then, if we anticipate how that influence through us can affect others, we must dip our toe into the future. Pretty cool. And pretty important. As always, it has a lot to do about living grateful and with intention.

Thanks for listening!

People who used to talk about going to their 50th high school class reunions were "old" in my book. Well...I'm one of those "old" ones now because I just attended my 50th class reunion! Inwardly, I still feel a lot like that 18 year old girl who graduated from Menomonie High School on May 25, 1973, but oh....the story of life that has transpired between then and now.

But the wonderful surprise came when I was able to connect with those other "old" ones who lived "then" with me and came to meet again in the "now." In this podcast, I explore how we "become" through our lives...and how the story from then to now can uncover what we value as we grow to be who we really are.

Thanks for listening!

When was the last time you saw someone get really excited about something they were sharing? Think about it a bit. When was the last time you were excited sharing something with others? Those inspiring times wash our spirit with a tingling newness and inner excitement.

It's so wonderful when we have those moments. Today's podcast explores what they can be, how they feel, how we recognize them, and why they are so important to our being.

Thanks for listening!

I love one of the definitions of "pause" that I found in the Merriam Webster Dictionary. It states that "pause" can be, as a verb, "to linger for a time." Isn't that lovely? To linger for a time gives one the feeling of a peaceful control of the moment.

It's odd that I should use the word, "control" in the expansion of the meaning for "pause," because control is something the pause allows us to release. When we release the grip of "I must," then all sorts of possibilities seem to emerge. So today I talk about the beautiful gift "the pause" can be if we practice it in our lives. It can give us a moment where we regroup and let things happen or allow an answer to emerge.

Thanks for listening.

How many advertisements or article titles have you seen promising something; a cleaner house, a happier life, or better relationships, all in 5 easy steps or 3 easy steps, etc.? We are drawn to the concrete and simple in hopes that lasting change can be made fast and easily. But there is a positive to that advertisment ploy. Research has shown that humans can most easily remember a sequence of 7 items. That is why you see chunking...like in memorizing your social security number or a telephone number. Today I'm sharing a list of 12, which can be chunked in any set of items that you choose. The most important thing is to remember these concepts in our hearts. They are already there. You wouldn't be drawn to a podcast about living life meaningfully and kindly if you didn't already believe in these things. But it is always good to be reminded of them...like in "12 Lessons to Live By."

Thanks for listening!

I've been a storyteller for around 40 years. Throughout those years I have learned and told hundreds of stories and retold a lot of those stories hundreds of times. My life has been so enriched because of what I have learned through stories. It's no accident that stories have been passed down since the beginning of time. They are life sustaining.

As holders of those stories, we bear responsibility to pass them on. We don't always know why, but they hold power to teach, to knit together lives, to heal, and to bring meaning to life. What are your favorite stories? Why are they important to you?

Thanks for listening!

My dad was a man of metaphor and I think I picked up the love of metaphor from him. I'm always trying to see a situation through the lens of a story or another similar situation to help clarify or better understand it. My dad was also a very wise man. I wonder if that was a result of the pleasure he found in roaming his mind for metaphors that he could apply to so many situations that face us in life.

I think that bears pondering and perhaps practicing! (Ah! Did you catch a bit of alliteration in that sentence??)

Thanks for listening!

I often share how much I love my age. Fortunately, I'm quite healthy, which helps a lot. But there are some wonderful things about growing older. One of those things is that the older we get, the larger our treasure chest of memories becomes. We have lived through a lot of times and experiences. With age, it's possible to take a ride through those memories in awe that we were able to do and experience what we did, who we became, and sometimes in loneliness for who or what we miss, or sadness for who is no longer in our lives. But we can only re-experience by sifting through the things stored in that treasure chest of memory.

For example, everytime I see or hear an ambulance, I am transported to those meaningful years serving as an EMT on our ambulance service in Forest City. I am astounded that I was able to learn all I did and experience that kind of service. And though I know because of life changes, I can no longer do that kind of work, I miss it. I miss it a lot.

Remembering is fun, hard, and sometimes wistful.

Thanks for listening!

Throughout these podcasts you have heard me talk about the different characteristics of resilient people. One of those characteristics is being aware of one’s purpose, not meaning a job or career, but the spirit of knowing you are supposed to be on this earth. It is an important part of our living fulfilled.

If you're wondering about your purpose, tuck this quote inside your back pocket. I heard it on a Hallmark show! “We are all living letters, unique souls, slipped into fragile, human envelopes, stamped by our creator and sent into the world with the story only we can share…even if we're missing a stamp or two.”

Thanks for listening!

Recently at a conference, I sat in a couple of sessions on the Enneagram, which is a sort of personality inventory that helps people describe and understand their core behaviors and motivations. It talks about the healthy parts and the stressed or unhealthy parts in our personalities. The important thing is self-awareness, such an essential part of living fulfilled.

When we are not willing or brave enough to explore the strengths and weaknesses of our personality, we can be overwhelmed, angry, or triggered by what happens in our daily lives. When we do take the time and courage to face ourselves and our reactions, then we can control our responses which can lead to calmness and grace. Initial negative reactions are normal and should be accepted (something I am good about accepting in other people, but not always of myself...self-disclosure), but the more we know ourselves, the more able we are to take control of our responses...and that helps us find something good in whatever happens to us.

Thanks for listening!

So many of us have Facebook accounts. And on that platform, we have “friends.” Many of them are truly good friends, but some of them are just acquaintances. We read the posts and sometimes respond. But today, I'm talking about the kind you make when you're face-to-face and share the things that are important to you.

In this world that's filled with so much that competes for our attention and our time, it's important to remember that when all is stripped away, the most valuable things that we hold the dearest to us, are our family and friendships. Relationships.

Thanks for listening!

I am writing this intro note on my keyboard using only one hand. you will learn the reason when you listen to this podcast. In some ways, today's podcast snatches a bit of the amazement theme from my previous podcast because it takes only a little time without the use or access to a part of our body or a tool to realize the wonder of it! But what a gift that loss can be! Without loss, it is difficult to realize the depth of appreciation for something or someone.

Ahhh...the sweet gift of loss. Truly a lifeline to appreciation and amazement!

Thanks for listening!

There are so many tools at our fingertips to keep us resilient in challenging times. They take a bit of effort sometimes to get started, but once started, big changes can come from little tweaks to our habits and attitude.

This week, I want to encourage you to try one of my favorite ones. When we look past the curtain of gloom and fear in the world, there are so many absolutely amazing things!! Focusing on the simple things that we cannot understand or fathom can block out the worry and fear long enough be zapped with a bit of joy getting us to a better mindset. Making it a daily habit can have long term change and become a contagion to those around you!!

For starters...how did someone think up the idea of steps? Making a stairway? I mean, would you have thought of that? And then to make a whole floor above another floor? Whoooa!!

Thanks for listening!

I love learning!! The cell phone has become knowledge at our fingertips. But it comes at a cost, sometimes lives and relationships even. We know what happens when distracted drivers are texting or talking on cell phones. We know what happens when we pay more attention to our cell phones than those around us. Always the good and the bad, like the ying and the yang. But as Chip and Dan Heath cite in their book, Decisive, it doesn't have to be "either or" or "this or that," it can be "both." It's up to us to be wise.

Let's use our brain cells to use our cell phones more carefully! (Notice...we remain in charge of both!)

Thanks for listening.

Isn't it funny when you become aware of something, you cannot stop noticing it, especially when it is not there? For example, when I became a professor and graded student papers, all of the sudden punctuation and misspelling, especially in newspapers or other publications, started irritating me. The same thing happened as we began emailing more and more. I had a colleague Sue, who shared with me how important she felt it was to make sure emails were well written. From that point on, I became more aware of those that were not well written. I hope that happens to you as a result of listening to this podcast. Emails are such a vehicle of communication, and communication always has the potential to enhance or harm relationships.

So, hold on to your hats, here comes my soap box!!

Thanks for listening!

In schools today there is a lot of focus on preparing for a career all the way from elementary through high school. I wonder if kids feel more encouragement to become the thing they dream about or not? All I know is that in the "olden days," we didn't always have the kind of encouragement that would have helped us thrust ourselves into our dream career...or maybe somewhere along the way we interpreted teacher or family comments to be a suggestion to abandon what we dreamed to become. Whatever the case, I believe wholeheartedly that it is never too late. We might have to adapt a bit if we are on the vintage side, but there is still living and becoming available to each of us.

Today I am sharing a way to restory or reframe our lost dreams so that life is not an "if only" but instead, wow! Look what I did!

Thanks for listening!

I believe that one way to live in hope is to concentrate on what is good. It takes effort, but with enough time can be habit forming. Concentrating on the good makes living today so much more endurable! However, if you want to add an extra punch, concentrate on noticing what good others are doing and/or have done for you as well as making it a practice to do good for others.

It's the old Golden Rule sneaking into the podcast again. But it is one of the oldest and most lasting life skills or mantras or beliefs that we hold. I hope you take this week to concentrate on doing and watching for good.

Have a "good" week! Thanks for listening!

It's easy to be cynical about people or situations unless the cynicism is pointed at us or our choices. It is not appreciated or wanted when those words or attitudes point a finger at us. It's hard to break a habit...but the results can affect more than we know. Step into the shoes on both sides of cynical attitudes and conversations. I hope you do not find comfort in either shoe. Today's podcast talks about why.

We will never be perfect, but there can be healing and joy in trying.

Thanks for listening!

My journals always reflect what is important to me...my values, my observations, my connections to meaning, my drawing. Today I let the journal pick the topic. As is reflected most places in my journals...it spoke to living with meaning, choices, purpose, possibility, and peace. Seems to be a continuing theme throughout these 19 journals.

What do yours or would yours reflect about you? What mantra describes your life best?

Thank you for listening!

Isn't it funny how often when we are overwhelmed with busy-ness we decry, "I should.... or I shouldn't....?" On the other hand, when we are in a time of calm and a slow schedule, we often do the same thing..."I should...or I shouldn't." We have so many things we want to change or make better about ourselves or our habits. Well, we can...but some of us (I'm talking to me, too!) need a better mindset about it so we can approach those changes or habit making attitudes in a healthier and more understanding way. Science has some insight!

Thanks for listening!

April and May have always seemed so full and piled high with commitments, responsibilities, tasks to accomplish, etc. In fact, this year has seemed like a continual "April and May!" As we survey what keeps us awake at night or overwhelmed during the day, as we said in an earlier podcast, it's good to ask ourselves if we would rather be busy or bored! But for some of you, those things are so heavy that trading them for boredom, at least for a while, would be wonderful!

I work with a lot of educators and know that these are hard times. Facing the multitude of difficult things in education can be overwhelming today. My heart is heavy for you who live in the trenches of that work. I am also grateful for your commitment, perseverance, courage, and willingness to do that important job. Those reading this who are not in education, I am sure support you with the same gratitude.

As we all are or have dealt with overwhelming things in life, it is good to ponder how to navigate the journey...

Thanks for listening!

Don't you wish there was magic dust that could be sprinkled on our world to fix the attitudes and behaviors we see today? If only we could all just be kind. It is a simple fix, but so hard to do. Perhaps it is because over the years we have become desensitized to treating people kindly, through exposure from all the sitcoms and movies we watched that showed snarky attitudes and comments to others, which seemed to make it ok to talk to people that same way in real life. Then when FaceBook and other forms of social media came into being, the world of politeness took a backseat.

The effects are felt widely and deeply. We must be the source of change or it will not happen. Margaret Mead wisely once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it's the only thing that ever has." Will you "kindly" join me in changing the world?

Thanks for listening!

I love you!! Even though some of us have not even met, there is something about you that draws feelings of love because I know, just by listening to a podcast like this, that you are someone I would love. I believe we were given the capacity to love at our birth. We needn't judge what level, who we love, or why we decide to think we love someone. Love is everything and it is a gift to humanity. We can never use it up. In fact, the more we use it and apply it to people in our world, the more we find inside of us. Oh, we are stubborn beings when we withhold it. Aren't we? We rob ourselves of so much joy in life.

I hope you start looking around and seeing all the things and people you love. Like the Grinch's heart in, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, maybe you will find that your heart will also grow three sizes!

Thanks for listening!

Someone once told another friend that Kris Meyer must never have suffered because she is always so happy. I mentioned this in a podcast before. That assumption allowed me the opportunity to reflect on my life as I looked through the lens of, "have I suffered?" We are all humans and some of us have suffered more than others of us, however, we have all suffered. It is the way of life. How we face it or react to it is also an individual choice.

This week's podcast puts a light on how we face those hard things in life, because we all do. And...we can get through them.

Thanks for listening!

In a time when the trend toward manners and politeness is on the downturn, it is good to be reminded of the power they truly hold in our self-worth and the self-worth of others. I believe at our core we have an instinct to know what is the right thing to do.

Last week I talked about the fact that not everything in what we do and how we interact has to be a transaction. Just following what is good and right brings meaning and purpose to our lives. It so often begins with just being nice and showing kindness to others.

It's so "nice" of you to listen :)

We were checking into a hotel the other night and the hotel clerk was talking about what manners were like when we were kids, he was of our "vintage." :) We talked about the way we had to call adults Mrs. or Mr., even our parents' friends. Things have changed in those practices, but manners, politeness, and kindness should never go out of style.

We promote and prevent the extinction of important things by honoring them, creating expectations for our families, and living them. I believe that "doing the right thing" is pretty basic and almost instinctive. We can grow desensitized by denying the right thing, because the right thing is always a choice.

Thanks for listening!

This podcast hails from the depth of my heart. Everything that has life on this earth is here for relationship. I believe plants, animals, and humans all need relationship. It's part of life. But we so often fall short of nurturing relationships because of the walls we build up to elevate ourselves or to protect us from fear.

This podcast gives each of us a challenge. Be the light...be the warmth...and our world can heal.

Thanks for listening...

The second mountain title is taken from a book I recently read by David Brooks. It talks about the 2nd half of life. We are always living the 2nd half of something...a school year, a moment, a decision, a trip... My friend, Bill Hamm, just learned that his 2nd half is nearing the finish line. When we are faced to walk that journey with someone, it makes us mindful in two major ways; grateful for what was, and inspired to do what we can with whatever time we have left. That goes for those who are in their early part of life, too.

Be mindful then of living, learning, and loving. That is the essence.

Thanks for listening.

I may have mentioned this before, but one of my favorite compliments given to me was from a former pastor who said, "Kris, you don't remind me of anyone." I love it because I grew up trying to fit it, to be cool, to be liked. It took me a long time to learn the art of transparent living, but the joy it has brought to my life is worth the risk everyday. Now I don't want to be like everyone else. I love being "me."

Perhaps when we stop worrying about how we are coming off to others we can better "see" and be open to them.

Thanks for listening!

This week presents one of the hardest lessons we can work on but that can change lives the most and ultimately our world. The freedom we afford ourselves by being willing to push beyond our anger, resentment, or total dislike to forgiveness, acceptance, and love can make our lives and those of others so much worth living. We truly do not know freedom until we are able to step across that line of grudges and bitter feelings for others.

Free yourself by building the relationship.

Thanks for listening.

The feeling of losing something you have really liked, treasured, or needed can be kind of devastating. We often remind ourselves or have heard people respond by saying, "well, it's not the end of the world." It is true, but that doesn't always take away the disappointment. However, I believe it is a good discipline to practice the art of "letting it go."

This week's podcast explores lost things, but not only things you can touch...things you can only feel as well. Understanding what we have lost often helps us gain.

Thanks for listening!

This is the last review of "Bathroom Mirror Quotes" from the past year to celebrate the podcast's 1st anniversary. It was fun and meaningful for me to see the sequence of thoughts and themes I wanted to share with you since the start of this podcast.

As I look at the nudges I get each week that leads me to deciding what I will talk about on the podcast, it reminds me of one of the great songs Julie Andrews sang in Sound of Music, My Favorite Things. The content of these podcasts are truly my favorite things and I try hard to live whatever I share with you each week. We are all fellow strugglers, trying to do our best, to be our best on this journey of life. That is purpose.

Thanks for listening!

It's the first anniversary of this podcast. If we could be together, we would celebrate with popcorn, cookie dough, and a spot of wine. But, instead, we are connected by the invisible cyber world and our hearts. You've taken residence in my heart this year. Thank you for listening, encouraging me, pondering new and old thoughts, and hopefully enhancing your world with more wonder.

I look forward to sharing more "life-inspired-views-for everyday" with you!

Next week will be the One-Year Anniversary of this podcast! Can you believe it? Thank you for being such faithful listeners and encouragers for this newfound passion of mine! Writing these has stretched me in wonderful ways and brought me so much joy!

One of my goals in retirement was to write more. As in counseling, when the words step out of your mind onto paper or into listening ears, there comes a deeper understanding and the possibility of seeing life in a new light. It's rather magical and so meaningful. I've gained so much from the experience of writing my thoughts and those of others that I collect along the journey into these weekly musings. My hope is that you have found a nugget or two along the way that has allowed you to experience new meaning or understanding as well.

Thanks again for your faithful listening!

Whenever looking forward to something, I always find myself humming Carly Simon's 1970's tune, Anticipation, in my mind. Ah, the things we look forward to in great anticipation! Like the Spanish writer, Cervantes said, "The journey is greater than the inn." Sometimes the anticipation of something is actually sweeter than its reality.

Well the experience I will tell you about today might be one described as sweeter when it was anticipated than when it actually came to be. But...you will have to listen to get..."the rest of the story!"

Thanks for listening!

Last week we anticipated the arrival of our only grandson and his parents, our son and his partner, from Seattle to spend Christmas in Iowa. Along with our Iowan daughter, we started the beginning of the week full of joy, laughter, and full hearts that comes with the fulfillment of being together as a family. However, the week took a turn quite quickly with half of us entertaining the flu, definitely an uninvited Christmas guest! So how do we still have the magical experience we anticipated having? I believe that happens by concentrating on the love that still abounds. Illness cannot take that away. There is always room for love to enter into our time together, even if it means being masked and sitting farther from each other than we would have any other time. If we depended upon external things to bring us a meaningful time, then we will always be setting ourselves up for disappointment.

In todays podcast, find those examples where the kindness and love of family and strangers bring not only meaning, but a lifetime of survival.

Thanks for listening!

How often have you heard, "You can't take it with you?" That is such an inward line. All about us, our wants. A focus on what we have. The truth in it really says, it's not ours to keep anyway.

Who do you think of when you think of the most generous people you know? There are several who immediately come to my mind. Those kinds of people are a gift in themselves! They also model the way to a fulfilling life.

In this season of giving...a new year's resolution might be, "you can take it with you"... that is, the habit of giving, and live it all the year through!"

Thanks for listening!

Each week I wait for a nudge that will give me a direction to write about for this podcast. As we are in the Christmas season, the nudge this week oddly came from a Norwegian Christmas "cookie" called kringle in contrast to a favorite poem I learned from our son, Andrew. I hope you're curious!

Thanks for listening!

A bit of a different title this week. I know that Christmas does not always feel magical to those who have struggled with experiences that sometimes can be made worse by all the attention on the magic of the season. But my hope is that in spite of what may have happened we can each find something that fills the need to love and to believe in.

Thanks for listening!

We know that to live we need food, water, and sleep. But to truly survive, we need love. When it comes to us easily, we often take it for granted, but when it is not there, we as humans yearn for it. Love cannot be seen or measured, but it is essential.

A movie served as a good reminder of how necessary love is in order To Live a Wonderful Life.

Thanks for listening!

Do you ever wish you could erase a mistake you have made in a social or life situation as easily as you can erase your words on a computer screen? When those life mistakes happen, it can hurt and we often bear that painful memory in embarrassment or regret. However, the test of character comes when we determine what we are going to do with that wrong. If we learn something from it, then it becomes fertilizer for wisdom. The choice is up to us.

This week's podcast focuses on those painful memories and what we can make of them.

Thanks for listening!

Last week I, along with more than 500 other professional school counselors in Iowa, attended our annual state conference. It was pure joy to be with so many who I have worked with, taught, or known for so many years. These people are dedicated to helping students and staff in our schools learn, grow, and heal. That's what they do. They help people get to the "other side" of pain, of dreams, and of challenges. They inspire me to be better, to try to touch lives in the same way.

We are all dealing with the effects of the pandemic in some way. We will for a long time. It gets better and many things have become a lot better. But there are lingering effects that we need to get to the "other side" of as we recover. This week's podcast explores the "other side of the pandemic.

Thanks for listening!

I will always remember when someone asked my former pastor, Lee Laaveg how I remembered all the stories I told. He said, "Because she says them over and over!" We all laughed, but that is so true. (I've probably already told you that!)

That adage is befitting of what I share with you in this week's podcast. What is also befitting, is one of my favorite quotes that I have already shared before, too! Frances Hodgson Burnett, who wrote Secret Garden, said, "We learn things by saying them over and over and thinking about them until they stay in our minds forever." Training ourselves requires repetition...

Thanks for listening!

I'm preparing to teach a seminar on the art of storytelling. Folklore is filled with the understanding of society and human nature. For hundreds of years, stories such as Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Billy Goats Gruff, Little Red Riding Hood, and The Lion King have been used to bring the message to young and old that we must always strive to be of good character, kind, and thoughtful of each other. Within those stories, there is always a dark character showing the complete opposite of what we instinctively seem to know as the way we should live and treat each other.

We always need reminders to keep striving to live as the Golden Rule reminds us: "Treat others as you would have them treat you."

Thanks for listening!

If you remember the days of vinyl records, then you may remember what happened to them when they got a scratch. Often they would get stuck and repeat a section over and over. That is where the clique, "like a broken record" comes from. It means to repeat something over and over, often in an annoying fashion.

In 5th grade, one of my classmates called me "fat." That has stayed in my mind "like a broken record" to this day. I've given that phrase too much power over my self-image for many years. It's hard to fix a "broken record," but it's not impossible.

All of us have those phrases that keep us from loving ourselves better. Let's see if we can rewrite some of them.

Thanks for listening.

What are three letters in the alphabet that we cannot live without? A, N, and D...which spells "and." Think about how many ways we use it and how many times in a conversation it pops up. Just try connecting with people or teaching something to someone without that little word. Little things can be so big sometimes, can't they?

The more I think about that word, the more I see how powerful and is for life! It is a word that opens so much to us if we use it well and allow it to bring us to places we would not go without it.

AND so...thanks for listening!

Many years ago, my husband Donnie and I sang songs together recorded by Steve and Annie Chapman. One of the songs they recorded was entitled, Two Children. It was a true story about two children abused by their father. They are described in the lyrics as "one who lives in peace, out in Ohio, the other one was bitter till the day she died." I was so struck by the difference between them because of that one word, "bitter." The song ends by explaining that the brother was able to forgive their father, but the sister "was bitter till the day she died."

That song made such an imprint on me and because of it, I made a decision to choose to live my life free from bitterness. Oh, there have been times it festered in me for a while, but eventually I decided to let the anger or resentment go. The tool is forgiveness. It's always a choice.

Thanks for listening.

I have a diastema. That means I have a space between my front teeth. I did not like that so well as a kid, however, my dad always told me it was part of my personality. I wonder today if he meant I was "spacy!!" I would put rubber bands around them at night hoping they would grow together, but alas, the space remains. I grew to accept that "flaw," but it took awhile.

We all have those things in ourselves which we see as a flaw, a blemish to our personality or physical features. So, how do we deal with those "imperfections" that keep us from unconditional acceptance of ourselves?

This week a line from a song and an old folktale might give us the encouragement we need.

My husband and I flunked retirement. We both took part time jobs after retirement, agreed to being on several boards, and now since my husband is Rotary District Governor, we are traveling all across Northern Iowa visiting 49 Rotary Clubs by December. Sprinkle in there several speaking engagements and a trip to Seattle to take care of our grandson and you have...busy!!

We expected the automatic washing machine in the early 1960's to drastically make our lives easier...then the computer, internet, and email promised to simplify and make our lives efficient. NOT! This week I thought of a way to reframe our "busy" lives. See what you think...

Thanks for listening!

There's a song from my childhood that goes, "Little drops of rain, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land." It's to remind us that we should never discount the littlest of things in our lives or world because they can make a big effect.

How often have we heard phrases about "changing the world." But change always starts with one thing. Sometimes one very small thing. It reminds me of a good friend of mine who came to lead a troubled congregation. He was able to make a positive effect quite quickly. One day I asked him what his strategy was that allowed him to bring healing to this large congregation. He said simply, "One sermon at a time, one funeral at a time, one conversation at a time..."

This week I share with you an observation and my hope for a meaningful change...

Thanks for listening.

When I hear the word "elder," I think of the American Indian or Asian stories I heard in my childhood. The memories of those stories bring a warm and strong feeling of tenderness and sage wisdom.

We need elders today in this world dominated by a sense of chaos or uncertainty. I believe they are still among us. It is up to us as individuals and as a society to look for them...to listen for them... and perhaps goodness and change can come. This I believe.

Thanks for listening.

We have so enjoyed watching our son, Andrew, and his partner, Lily, raise our grandson, Arve. One of the striking things is the way they have allowed him to learn how to make decisions from the earliest time he could respond to them during his first year of life. Lately, I have started to realize more and more what a strength that will be for him throughout his life.

The ability to make decisions can affect us in a host of ways. One of those ways is that it can help nurture resiliency within us and give us courage in our lives. I'm glad Arve is on that path! You can be, too.

Thanks for listening!

I just finished grading papers from my summer school students studying to become school counselors. The class I taught was an introduction into the skills they would need to counsel people in their new career. It was so inspiring to read that after immersing themselves in these skills how alive they felt and so motivated in this newfound purpose.

Purpose can provide a hook to some needing just that kind of thing to hold on to in this journey of life. We have all needed it sometime in our lives but don't always know just what to do to find it. This week's podcast explores a way.

Thanks for listening!

When my dad would wake up in the morning, he would just lay there and think for a while. I don't remember how many times in my life he would say sometime during the day like, "You know what I was thinking about this morning?" And I knew it was something he pondered in those morning moments before he got out of bed when he would let the magic of wonder fill his mind. I now realize it was a ritual for him. It's funny. I have adopted that same ritual for myself...and I begin the day with my mind percolating ideas to apply or learn more about.

Do you have some rituals in your life? This week we explore the wonder and power of rituals.

Thanks for listening!

A Lesson from Milly – It doesn’t take much to alter an opinion of another person. I can think of two specific times when someone has said only one positive thing about a person who initially I was not too sure about. That one statement helped me totally reframe my opinion of those people and eventually they became dear friends. Likewise, it doesn’t take much to make a good or bad impression on someone. This week the reminder comes from a dear and wise friend…who made such a good impression on me!

Thanks for listening!

This past week was a delightful time of connecting with graduate students in professional school counseling and doing what I love so dearly...teaching counseling skills. There are so many hurting people, and being able to teach students who are so passionate about helping others who struggle with life's challenges is so meaningful.

Light dawns in the eyes of those enlightened from new learning that takes up residence in the heart. Oh, I loved watching that happen. When in life did that dawning happen to you? You guided your way? This week I encourage you to remember those times that they may reinforce what we have learned and gained to make our lives more purposeful and meaningful.

Thank you for listening!

It started with my sister's question about "home." The very word conjures up many different emotions in people. But the concept of home is universal. We all come from one, make one, or yearn for one. It's a need and a luxury to have that place where we can feel safe and loved. We go from it and we go to it. So, what is home?

Thanks for listening.

In the song, Impossible, from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, we hear of all the things that should be impossible but were not for Cinderella’s magical night. The verses talk about the world being full of people who may be looked at as rather crazy because they don’t believe in “sensible rules” or do what “sensible people say.” The lyrics go on to say that these people “keep building up impossible hopes…Impossible things are happening every day!”

This week I share a magical experience I had recently in Norway. People in our world over many years have truly shown what others have thought impossible by taming the negative and brutal forces against people through their actions and drive to promote peace.

Impossible today? I believe we each possess a weapon that has the potential to make the impossible possible!

Thanks for listening.

I’ve kept a journal since 2004 and they are filled with so many things of interest I have gleaned from life. Over the years of teaching at graduate counseling students at Buena Vista University in Storm Lake, IA, I have often played “The Journal Game” with my students. I have a student call out a number and then I read what is written on that page. It so often becomes a scaffolding of wisdom through the thoughts shared around a quote on the page. Today’s podcast reflects an “aha” I had about my journals after reading a wee story about a chance meeting on a train.

Thanks for listening!

There are several times in my life when I was at a crossroads, knowing I needed something better fit for me in my career life. I remember times when I just couldn't get inspired or motivated...a lull seemed to settle over my "every day." Today's podcast touches on the journey out of those times when we seem wedged in an unfulfilling pattern of life. Where is your ship today? Are you sailing or stuck in port?

Enjoy listening!

Thomas Friedman, author of The World is Flat, spoke once of going to his favorite pancake house in Minneapolis, MN where he grew up. He was meeting with another journalist at the time and when the server came he engaged in a conversation about her work and how she liked it (or something like that). Well, when she returned with their orders, she bent down to whisper to Thomas Friedman, “I gave you extra fruit.” He reflected on how the act of kindness to a stranger can mean so much, which she showed by wanting to let him know her appreciation with the “extra fruit.”

Today’s podcast is a reminder again that whenever possible, we should be kind…and it is almost always possible.

Thanks for listening.

I will never forget the time I watched the legendary director, Weston Noble, of Luther College’s Nordic Choir in Decorah Iowa rehearse before a concert in a small church in southern Minnesota. At the end of the rehearsal, he explained how he wanted the choir to process out of the church after each set. He told one row to go this way and another that, etc. Then Crystal, in the back row, said gently, “Mr. Noble, do you think we could have this row go that way and that row go this way, etc. Mr. Noble thought for a minute and then said in his kind way, “Crystal, I like your idea much better.” And he made it happen. He had the art of looking at another’s viewpoint and the willingness to adapt. He changed his perspective on what might work best. As I watched I thought, “Wow! That is leadership!”

All of us, especially today it seems, can become rigid in what we think is the right thing to believe or doing something our own way. What a joyful peace when we can bend and think differently. We might not change what we think or do, but the way we listen and consider will broaden our perspectives and deepen the trust others have in us.

Thanks for listening.

When was the last time you did something you really loved doing? How often do we call it “wasting time?” Or how often do we think in our minds, “I should be doing something more productive,” or “I have so many other things I should be doing?” I heard a psychologist say once, “We should not “should” on ourselves. However, in this country, we even call doing the things we love a “guilty pleasure!” Oh, we have it so wrong! Even when it is part of our work, what is wrong with celebrating what we love doing?

This week, I focus on the power of getting lost in doing what is meaningful or just fun to do. Enjoy!

Thanks for listening!

I just returned from a convention in Houston. While walking to the convention from the hotel one morning, a homeless man walked along with us a bit. He asked us where we were from and other friendly questions. Then apologetically, he asked if we had any money to spare so he could get something to eat at McDonald’s. He said, we could go with him and get it for him if we wanted. I asked if he had lived here all his life. He said that he’d gone to college in Tennessee. I asked what he studied to which he replied, “Psychology.” But then looked down and said, “Sometimes things happen.” I said, “I know, things happen.” I gave him some money and after thanking me, he walked away.

Several years ago, a woman came up to me asking for some money because her mother was so sick. I was getting ready to go into a church and speak…and I didn’t give her anything. Can you believe it? I was going to speak on doing good to those in need and I did just the opposite moments before. I was so ashamed. Even $1 could have assigned her value.

You just never know…for these moments, I have learned that I do not need to be the judge because I just don’t know their whole story. Rev. Phil Hyland once said, “It is the greater risk to miss an opportunity.”

Thank you for listening.

I told my kids recently that one of the wonderful roles of a grandparent is our willingness to do the same thing over and over with our grandchildren. We have the time and the inspiration to do it. And ohhhh, the joy when they want you to repeat it again!!

Not all things that need repeating to become better or instilled in us come with that same kind of joy. But, when it has great meaning or purpose in our hearts, and we yoke it with intention, then feeling a sense of "becoming" feels really good. It's part of the discipline in "not settling" when you know there is more for you to be.

Happy becoming!

As I walk, I love to look at the tables with four chairs on many of the patios of the homes I pass by. Often I imagine people sitting and sharing conversation together. It makes me wonder, where do those words go? Today's podcast is on gossip. Where do those words go? And, what power do the words that we share about people have on them and on us? Hard things to think about, but oh so necessary.

We all have a need to know we have a reason to be here, not necessarily in our career, but simply to exist. How do we find it? It’s a journey that can change throughout our lives, but it is important to discover. It is one of those tools that helps us to be resilient during challenging times.

There are moments that sent us somewhere in life that we would never have been to unless for a happenstance moment. The older we get the more amazing those moments become. The magic of those moments is in reflection. We don’t see them coming and even when they happen we don’t know their significance until we look in the rearview mirror of life.

Our emotions can be stirred so easily these days. Maybe it's due to the tensions that have been so predominant in our news and minds for what seems like such a long time...keeping us in a state of anxiousness. We see people react with anger or rage without thinking, destroying careers and opinions that had once been that of respect. It doesn't have to be like that...we don't have to be like that. Today's podcast gives thought to the choices we have in reacting to what happens to us.

This week’s podcast speaks to the heart of our role as humans on this journey of life. There are many people who feel invisible and unwanted. Most of us have probably felt that way sometime in our lives. Many people feel that way everyday. Every day we have the opportunity to assign value and show love to those we meet. We never know who is aching to be recognized.

The most difficult thing to deal with is often the thought of suffering. So how do we prepare and ultimately endure? Some thoughts today will hopefully give you the courage that you need to endure and prepare.

Mentors, elders, "go-to" people in our lives can have a profound effect. They can also be a safe haven, a vessel of wisdom, a guardian of our fears, questions, ideas, and suffering. We are the better for having such people in our lives...

There are moments we encounter when we experience a life change. My moment happened on a plane and affects me in such a positive way to this very day.

Forgiveness...may be the hardest thing to do and the most freeing. The choice is ours.

As we listen to the news that has us focused on so much unknown in our world’s safety today, I’m reminded of a story about Saint Ignatius of Loyola, born in 1491. He was playing croquet with two other monks when one posed the question: “If the world would end tomorrow, what would you do?” They each took a turn answering the question. One said he would be with his family, the other that he would be reconciled with his brother. When they turned to Ignatius and asked him, he replied, “I would probably finish this game.”

So listen to today’s podcast and see if you see any connection.

Most of you remember fire and tornado drills from your school days. When I was young, we also had nuclear bomb drills in school. Our generation (boomers😊) were to be the generation without hope because of the threat of nuclear destruction due to the Cold War between the United States and Russia. Well, we eventually didn’t need to keep those drills going. Better times evolved. Since the beginning of time, we have seen these cycles repeat. We now face another world-wide crisis and fear looms like a cloud over the earth.

In today’s podcast, I talk about fear…but I will not do that unless I can link it to hope by giving you a tool for your toolbox of life…hope…I believe in it with my total being.

So many people in our world are feeling tired ,spent, and frustrated after more than two years of dealing with the effects of the pandemic. We all need some kind of encouragement these days. I want to support you in any way I can. The Norwegians have a saying, “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on one minute longer.” I hope you find a knot to hold!!

So much has happened globally, so much that we have no personal control over. But during these times, what we can do is decide how we will react, how we will continue to be people of honor. That can affect ourselves, those around us, and perhaps in a small way add to a wave of goodness that can affect the world. Think big😊.

One of the most common concerns currently lurking in the minds of many is the divisiveness we are experiencing in our country. We have seen relationships defined by “if they agree with me” or “if they are on that side.” Friendships and family relationships have often been strained because of this trend. This week I share some ideas on connecting and reframing the relationships we value but have been hurt.

An unknown psychologist once said, “When people do not understand others, they feel threatened and can manifest their fear as hatred.” I believe we can change that when we seek to understand.

Today’s podcast talks about wounded people. It includes all of us. We all carry some kind of wound. What we do about those wounds makes all the difference in our lives and often in the lives of others, especially those closest to us.

Our little grandson is 19 months old. He loves pots and pans and helping his mom and dad cook. They just returned from a trip and he got so excited, when they got back to their house, to see his little toy “pots and pans!” That night when they put him in his crib, instead of cuddling up with his usual Peter Rabbit bunny, he insisted on tucking one of his little pots and pans under each arm…and contentedly went right to sleep.

Listen to today’s podcast to find the connection😊 for you!

Who do you surround yourself with often enough to influence who you are? Those are the people that most often shape our attitudes toward others and life. Sages of the past can offer insight and wisdom.