Dad Smarter Not Harder: Recent Episodes
Jun Loayza
Jun Loayza becomes a human guinea pig, putting his parenting life in full display with the goal of helping others learn from his parenting mistakes. Let's grow together and become the best fathers that we can be.
When unexpected challenges arise in our household, like our daughter accidentally having an accident in her room, it's easy for tensions to rise. But what if we could turn these moments into valuable lessons for our children? In this video, I share a personal experience where my wife was on the verge of exploding with frustration. Instead of adding fuel to the fire, I chose a different approach: 1️⃣ Immediate Action: I took the initiative to clean up the mess, ensuring my wife could take a moment to breathe and regroup. 2️⃣ Involving Our Daughter: By involving our daughter in the cleanup, not only did we teach responsibility, but we also showed her that she's a vital part of the solution. The result? A strengthened bond and a lesson for our daughter that challenges can be faced head-on without fear. Watch on to learn how you can turn potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding in your family. Remember, it's not about the mistakes we make, but how we choose to handle them. 💪❤️
Parenting in today's digital age can be challenging, but with the right tools and mindset, we can raise resilient, empathetic, and self-assured children. Dive into the GrACE Framework, a holistic approach to parenting that focuses on nurturing essential life skills: 🌱 G - Growth Mindset: Cultivate a belief in your child that they can always learn, adapt, and improve. Let's raise kids who embrace challenges and see failures as opportunities for growth. 🏠 r - Responsibility: Involve your child in household tasks and decisions. When they contribute, they learn the value of hard work and the importance of being a team player. 🚀 A - Autonomy: Encourage independence. Let your child take the lead, make choices, and learn from their experiences. It's all about empowering them to be self-reliant. 💪 C - Confidence: In a world dominated by social media comparisons, it's crucial to instill self-worth and confidence in our children. Let's teach them to find validation from within, rather than seeking it externally. ❤️ E - Empathy: The cornerstone of humanity. Guide your child to understand and respect the feelings of others, fostering a compassionate and socially conscious mindset. Join us as we delve deeper into the GrACE Framework, sharing practical tips, real-life examples, and expert insights. Together, let's shape the future by raising well-rounded, empathetic, and confident children.
Tweet: https://twitter.com/TheeJoelLopez/status/1686494601727836165
Momentous: https://www.livemomentous.com/products/hormone-support-bundle?selling_plan=834371767
Hey parents! Today, we're diving into a topic that many men often struggle with - improving intimacy with their wives. If you've ever felt that the spark is fading or that your wife isn't as interested in intimacy, this video is for you. Contrary to popular belief, the key to a thriving intimate relationship isn't just about the physical aspect. It's about creating an environment of love, respect, and understanding.
🌹 In this video, we'll explore the TWO PILLARS of improving intimacy:
1️⃣ Take Care of Yourself - The foundation of any relationship starts with self-love and self-care. We'll discuss: The impact of porn on intimacy The benefits of lifting weights and staying fit The importance of adequate sleep and a balanced diet Supplements that can enhance your well-being
2️⃣ Take Care of Her - Understanding and catering to your wife's needs is crucial. We'll delve into: The 5 love languages and how to identify hers The significance of giving her space and understanding her boundaries Simple yet effective ways to make her feel appreciated and cherished.
By focusing on these pillars, you can reignite the flame and foster a deeper connection with your wife. 💑
Tweet: https://twitter.com/bennyjohnson/status/1685618748495974400
Hey everyone! Today's topic might have caught your eye, but rest assured, we're NOT here to promote negativity. Inspired by a recent incident with Cardi B, we're diving deep into how we should react when faced with haters or negative comments.
We all face criticism, be it online or in real life. But how should we, and more importantly, our children, respond? 🤔 In this video, I'll share a simple yet powerful technique I've taught my kids to handle such situations.
Instead of getting dragged into a war of words or letting negativity affect them, they've learned to respond with a calm "Ok thanks".
🙌 Why? Because by doing so, they're not giving haters the satisfaction of an emotional response. They're rising above, showing maturity, and moving on without letting negativity weigh them down.
👉 Watch on to learn more about this technique and how you can implement it in your life and teach your kids the same. Remember, it's not about stooping down to someone's level, but about rising above and showing them that their words don't define you.
Tweet by Joe Cassandra: https://twitter.com/JoeCassandra/status/1685821159076466688
How to raise an adult: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult In today's fast-paced world, many parents feel the pressure to keep their children constantly entertained and engaged. But is this non-stop stimulation truly beneficial?
In this video, we dive deep into the often overlooked value of boredom for children's development.
🌱 Discover:
- Why boredom isn't the enemy, but a catalyst for creativity. 🎨
- The misconceptions surrounding children's need for constant entertainment.
- How overstimulation can hinder a child's ability to think independently.
- Practical tips for parents: swapping digital screens for tools that ignite imagination. 📝🖍
Join us as we explore the transformative power of letting children experience boredom and how it can pave the way for a more creative and independent future. Remember, it's not about leaving them with nothing, but equipping them with the right tools to let their imaginations soar! 🚀
Tweet: https://twitter.com/tyromper/status/1685011012016300035
In today's video, we delve deep into the dynamics of marital happiness and the pivotal role a man plays in setting the tone for the family. It's often said that an unhappy wife is a reflection of her husband's leadership. As the protector and provider, a man's duty is to set a clear vision for his family, ensuring that both partners complement each other in their journey towards collective success. If your wife is discontented, it's time to introspect and ask yourself: Are you truly leading your family in the right direction? Join us as we discuss the importance of stepping up, setting the right expectations, and guiding your family towards a prosperous future. Remember, it's not about pointing fingers but about taking responsibility and leading with purpose.
Note: While this video emphasizes the man's role in the family, it's essential to remember that every relationship is unique, and both partners have a shared responsibility for the happiness and success of their relationship.
Hunt, Gather, Parent: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/
Have you ever noticed that simply telling children what to do doesn't always yield the desired results? Dive into today's video as we explore the fascinating world of storytelling as a potent tool for guiding and teaching our young ones.
Drawing inspiration from the enlightening book "Hunt, Gather, Parent" by Michaeleen Doucleff, we uncover the age-old wisdom of various cultures that have harnessed the magic of stories to impart values, lessons, and life skills to their children.
🌟 What You'll Learn:
- Why direct instructions often miss the mark with children's logical brains.
- The universal appeal of stories and how they captivate both young and old.
- Practical ways to integrate storytelling into your daily parenting approach.
Join us on this narrative journey and discover how to weave tales that not only entertain but also educate and mold. Let's transform our homes into spaces where stories become the bridge to understanding, growth, and connection! 🌉📚
Tweet: https://twitter.com/sweatystartup/status/1685319264012582912
How to raise an adult: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult
In today's video, we dive deep into the essential lesson of allowing our children to experience life's challenges and the beauty of overcoming them on their own. It's natural for parents to want to protect their kids, but are we overdoing it? Inspired by the insightful book "How to Raise an Adult," we discuss the pitfalls of over-parenting and the long-term consequences it can have on our children's growth and self-confidence.
By constantly stepping in, we inadvertently send a message that we don't trust them to handle life's obstacles.
🌟 Key Takeaways:
- The importance of empowering our children and giving them agency.
- The dangers of coddling and why it's essential to let kids experience setbacks.
- How trust plays a pivotal role in a child's development and self-worth.
Join me in this enlightening conversation and discover how we can raise resilient, independent, and confident adults by sometimes taking a step back. Let's foster a generation that knows not just how to face challenges, but how to rise from them stronger than ever! 💪
Tweet by Eric Bandholz: https://twitter.com/bandholz/status/1679561609142738944
Sibling without rivalry: https://a.co/d/aTuAXsj
Ever tried to apply the same parenting blueprint to all your kids, only to find it doesn't quite fit? That's because each child is a unique puzzle, requiring a distinct solution. In this video, we're going to explore the art and science of loving each child in their own special way. We're not just talking theory here. We're diving into real-world examples, actionable strategies, and practical wisdom. We're going to show you how to adapt, improvise, and overcome the challenges of raising unique individuals. So, are you ready to take a proactive approach to parenting? Ready to hack the system, challenge the norms, and discover the most effective ways to love your unique children?
Response to this Tweet by Nick Huber: https://twitter.com/sweatystartup/status/1684535234870624257
The Coddling of the American Mind: https://www.thecoddling.com/
This video delves into the crucial concept of not merely smoothing out the path for our children, but rather, arming them with the necessary skills to traverse life's unpredictable terrain. We spotlight the importance of teaching self-control, a vital life skill that can significantly shape a child's future. Using the relatable example of video games, we illustrate how instilling self-discipline in children can enable them to manage their impulses effectively. Instead of imposing strict bans on their gaming time, we advocate for a more balanced approach that encourages children to regulate their own screen time. This video serves as a guide for parents and caregivers, offering practical tips on how to foster these essential skills in children. By doing so, we prepare them for a future of self-reliance, resilience, and responsible decision-making. Join us in this enlightening exploration of modern parenting strategies. Learn how to equip your child with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges, and in the process, help them grow into well-rounded, independent individuals. Tune in now to start shaping your child's future today.
Parenting can be hard, or it can be wonderful. When we try to control our kids, when we try to make it all about ourselves and forget about teachable moments, that's when things fall apart and emotional outbursts arise. I was reminded about this yesterday when my older daughter, Juniper, was super focused on her drawing. Kimbal came along and pulled her paper, causing an unwanted streak.
Unfortunately, I did not respond well. I was frustrated because the wonderful peace and quiet was disrupted, and my children could feel my frustration. Juniper started crying, and I felt like a loser.
Thankfully, Kim, my wife, came along and turned this disaster into a teachable moment -- a beautiful oops.
This episode is also available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/THr79iVDiG4
In today's episode, we explore the challenge of raising children in a digital world. How can we help our children better control their impulses to use a phone when we can barely control it ourselves?
Should we go cold turkey and not let them use a phone at all? Just take a look at our parents' generation -- they didn't grow up with phone or social media, yet they're one of the most addicted generations to their phone. I think they're the only ones left using Facebook, haha.
Join me today to learn how dopamine affects our brains and why it's important to teach our children self control when it comes to phone use.
Read this episode on Substack: https://loayza.substack.com/p/ep-23-give-your-children-a-smart
Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff, the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent, tells us a story about how she almost assumed the worst about her 6-year old daughter when she was using the fine champagne glasses. Before responding in anger, she caught herself and asked, "What's your plan for those?"
Thankfully she did, because her daughter was planning to make a "special drink" for Michaeleen's birthday.
Likewise, Jun tells a story about how he saw his daughters wrestling on top of a table. His natural reaction was to react in anger, "Stop what you're doing! You're hurting each other." Instead, he asked his children, "What's going on over there?" Turned out, the 4yo was trying to save the 2yo from falling off the table.
Learn more about Michaeleen and her book, Hunt, Gather, Parent here: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/
In the GrACE framework, staying true to your word is part of "C" -- Confidence.
Building the Confidence in the child that they are someone who is true to their word. That they are a dependable and trustworthy person.
On today's episode, my 4yo says one thing, but does another. Instead of leading with punishment or labels, "you're a liar!", I use it as an opportunity to teach her about honesty and dependability. Here's how I do it and how you can apply the lessons in your home.
Parenting can be absolute madness. What has helped me settle down is understanding the true objective: that we need to raise fully capable, independent adults. And we can't accomplish this through punishment -- the only way to accomplish it is through taking advantage of learning opportunities.
Today I do a very quick intro on the concept of the Minimum Effective Does (MED) and my GrACE Framework:
Growth
Autonomy
Confidence
Empathy
On today's episode, we talk about the mental model of connecting:
- Practice loving energy
- Calm down together
- Label the feeling -- help the understand what happened
- Teach
4yo and 2yo both wanted to be carried up the stairs today. My back hurt, I was hungry, and I was in no mood for arguing and bickering between them.
So instead of obliging to their requests or telling them what to do, I turned it around on them: I see we have a challenge -- what can we do?
4yo stays at home with 2yo and for 1.5 hours, it's pure bliss. They work together, play together, and eat together. But of course, that bliss can't last forever.
On this episode, 4yo makes the decision to stay home from school, and I spend the rest of the morning trying to convince her to go.
You've tried rewards and punishment. And it works in the short term, but once you take away the reward or the punishment, the child is no longer willing to eat their vegetables. So what is a parent to do?
You need to do the following: teach the why with storytelling, which accomplishes the following:
- Captivates their attention and intrigue so that they'll listen to you
- Teaches them why they should eat their vegetables so that they'll do it even if you're not there
Today I almost exploded. To have Juniper yank the book out of my hands was such a jarring, such a disrespectful experience. I was ready to unleash the wrath on Juni, but thankfully, I took my deep breaths, and proceeded with patience and love.
Here's how I turned a potential disaster into a wonderful learning experience.
I've been hesitant to record this episode, but it's time to do it. I believe this is how I can add unique value to parents. It's time to teach you the way that I do storytelling in our household.
And this story is nothing like you've heard in the past. In this story, there is a girl that lives in San Francisco. And she keeps sucking her fingers, against her father's warnings.
And then one morning, she wakes up, and all of her fingers are gone!
What do you do when your child really, really wants something, but they can't have it? Do you try to reason with logic? Do you just say "No"!
I've found that the best way to go about it is to call it what it is -- a challenge. And to let them know, we love solving challenges.
And to solve a challenge, you just need to follow these easy steps:
- Understand the problem
- Ideate some solutions
- Choose from the options
That's it. If you stop trying to solve the problem yourself, and instead help your child solve the problem themselves, then things are going to go a lot smoother.
Juniper has been acting out -- a lot. What do you do when your kids act out?
If you have siblings, what do you do when one wants more attention? What do you do when one feels jealous that you've been giving the other too much time?
Naturally, when Juniper complains, screams, cries, I want to just ignore her because I don't want to reinforce the behavior. If I give her attention when she's complaining, then she's just going to do it more often. But in actuality, I need to give her more attention.
In this episode, we talk about the rivalry developing between Juniper and Kimbal and work on methods to make rivals into friends.
Question? Hit me up on Twitter: @junloayza
My wife Kim hadn’t had a full night's rest in over a year and a half. To be honest, neither had I, but mine is more self-inflicted pain because I have personal projects like this podcast (which I love by the way). But regardless, Kim needed to get some sleep.
The culprit was our absolutely wonderful little potato Kimbal, who is now 19 months. There’s no other way to say this -- at night, she wanted the boob, she wanted it bad. And nothing was going to stop her.
So to start weaning her off the boob, Kim and I hatched a plan. It was time for me to step up, take the lead, and put our little Kimbaluchis to sleep.
But we had a challenge -- Juniper, our now 4 year old, is used to me putting her to sleep. And you know this, kids don’t like change. If Juniper expects me to put her to sleep and all of a sudden I put Kimbal to sleep, there’s going to be some jealousy; there’s going to be some tears; there’s going to be some yelling. And we like to avoid those as much as possible.
So we know what needed to be done -- I needed to put Kimbal to sleep. And we knew the challenge -- Juniper expected me to put her to sleep. So how can we get this done without causing shouting, tears, and tantrums?
On today's episode, we learn how to pull off the inception technique.
The key, as we'll find out, is encouraging and guiding, versus demanding and forcing.
Book recommendation in this episode: Hunt, Gather, Parent.
Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
This past week, I sat down with Ms. Patricia, Juniper’s wonderful Spanish preschool teacher from Colombia. Ms. Patricia had such wonderful things to say about Juni, but I quickly cut her off and asked her for her brutal honesty, “What are things that Juniper needs to improve?”.
She identified three things:
- Juniper is hesitant to try new things
- When she gets upset, she uses disrespectful language with her peers
- She doesn't eat her vegetables
After getting the inside scoop from the teacher, I needed to measure Juniper’s progress on each point, because after all, that which is measured can be improved. What does she really think about tough challenges? What does she think is an appropriate response when someone is being disrespectful or hurts a friend? Does she understand why it’s important to eat our vegetables?
And I can’t just ask her these questions outright. It’s not like I can just sit down and interrogate her and she’ll give me her honest answers.
So to understand how Juniper thinks, I sought the advice of a former FBI special agent, Jack Schafer, who did an interview on the Jordan Harbinger podcast.
Jack teaches us to use elicitation instead of interrogation to gather honest information. I use elicitation to understand what Juniper really thinks about sharing and what she does when people use disrespectful language.
Here is what we learn on today's episode:
- Instead of interrogation, we can use elicitation to extract the truth from people without them knowing it
- “Fill in the blank” is a method in which we provide a wrong answer, allowing our target to correct us, thereby, giving us the truth
- “3rd party” is a method in which we ask our target what they think about a situation that another person is experiencing. Our target will likely project their truth onto the 3rd party.
- That which is measured can be improved. By understanding how your kids currently think, you can identify areas in which they need to improve.
Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
Today on the show, we welcome Dave Lee from Dave Lee on Parenting and Dave Lee on Investing. Find Dave Lee on Twitter.
I’ve been following him for some time now and was pleasantly surprised when I found out he had a new YouTube channel called Dave Lee on Parenting with some very unique approaches to parenting.
He talks about how he doesn’t have any rules in his household, how he and his kids are best friends, and that he has never needed to punish or police his kids, ever. I know, this guy either sounds like a robot, but as we’ll see in this interview, his success is due to his ability to teach his kids intrinsic motivation.
Now, before we get started, I want to make it clear that I believe everyone’s situation is different. What works for Dave may not directly translate and work for you, but I believe that there are incredible lessons to be learned and principles to be applied here.
In particular, the mentality that Dave applies to teaching his kids about why they do everything. Why do they brush their teeth, why do they clean their room, why do they eat vegetables. Often times, we as parents get trapped in the mentality of being the authority figure and policing our kids -- they need to obey us because we’re the parents. And let’s be real, sometimes, we just need to get stuff done.
But, it will benefit all of us to take a deep breath and take the time to explain things to our kids in painstaking detail about why we do what we do, because in that way, they are intrinsically motivated to take action. So when one day you’re not there, your kids will brush their teeth not because you told them to, but because they know the benefits.
Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
If you have multiple kids, then you know first-hand that sharing just doesn't come naturally to us. One kid starts working on an item and the other immediately wants to work on the same thing. The challenge is that we don’t have two of everything. And you know what, we shouldn’t. Kids need to learn to wait for their turn, learn to become engrossed in an activity without the fear of it being taken away, and of course, eventually learn to share.
The keyword here is “eventually”, because it doesn’t help when you force a kid to share; in fact, as we’ll learn today, forcing them to share is not only counterproductive, but hurts them in the long run.
Principles we follow at home:
- We patiently wait our turn to use an item
- We don’t take an item from someone and we don’t pressure them to “hurry up”
- When we’re done with an item and someone is waiting to use it, then we share it
Recap of what we learn today:
- We as parents are our children’s teachers, not the judge and jury, and not the enforcer.
- Don’t force kids to share; instead, focus on teaching them to wait their turn and to share only once they’re done working with the item.
- Make it clear that you expect your kids to solve their challenges together. Yes, you’ll often need to help, especially when they’re little, but set that expectation from the beginning and they’ll eventually work it out themselves.
- Resolutions to teaching moments don’t have to be perfect. Know that even if at the end your child refuses to share, they are listening to you and will eventually learn through consistent and loving messaging.
Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
So here’s the challenge all parents of young children face: how can we get out the door in the morning without our children fighting us every step of the way? Sometimes kids refuse to get dressed, don’t want to eat the breakfast we served them, or are simply too immersed in an activity to listen to us. What can we do in these situations?
So to help us get there, I asked for the help of Katy Wang who is the Lower School Director at Mission Montessori (which is the program for 3 - 6 year olds). She’s been in early childhood education for the past 15 years: she has her AMI Certification in Primary Montessori (ages 3 - 6), AMI Certification for Elementary (ages 6 - 12), Masters in Educational Leadership, and will soon complete her Masters in Montessori Education.
Here are just some of the learnings from the episode with Katy:
- Respect your child: When your child says “I don’t want to go to school”, listen to her and treat her as you would a friend. You wouldn’t ignore your friend and let them know “I don’t care, you have to go to work.” No, you would empathize with them, “Yea, sometimes I don’t want to go to work either.”
- Model behavior: When you get frustrated with your child, it’s ok to be vulnerable, apologize to them, and take the time to explain why you’re frustrated. Model the behavior you want your children to have.
- Use the “head fake” technique: If the kids aren’t being responsive, try to snap them out of it by being playful (like when I pretended the dress was eating Juniper’s head). Or, spur their curiosity, like when I asked Juniper, “I wonder what activities she’s going to do at school.”
- Problem solve: If your child is focused on an activity in the morning, problem solve with them to refocus their attention: for example, when Juniper was engrossed in drawing in the morning, I could ask her “where do you think is a good place to hide your drawing in a secret place so that it’s untouched until you get back from school.”
I want to thank Katy Wang and Mission Montessori for being a part of our episode today.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
So yesterday I was on Twitter and I came across a Tweet from Austen Allred, the CEO of Lambda School. Let me describe the Tweet to you.
In the picture of the Tweet, there are two kids. One is in the background using a sponge to clean the shower, the other is in the foreground, elbow deep with a scrub, cleaning that toilet. And I mean this kid is really going for it, cleaning the toilet with purpose and honor.
And the Tweet reads: “The kids are fighting over who gets to clean the toilet.”
No freaking way I thought. This guy is claiming that he didn’t have to bribe or punish his kids into cleaning the toilet. I mean, I’d believe it if it was like making their bed, folding the laundry, or tidying up their toys… but the toilet? How is this possible?
On today's episode, we explore how to intrinsically motivate your kids. Not through punishment or through bribes, but to get them to do things because they're proud to do it.
Show notes:
- Proof showing my daughter scrubbing that toilet clean
- The Tweet that inspired this episode
- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
- The Most Important Life Lesson from Tom Sawyer
Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
Today is an incredibly personal episode. As a kid, everyday, my mom and dad would fight, they would just straight up yell at each other for the same reasons on repeat: Why do you always turn down the air conditioning? Why aren’t you out there putting in more hours at work? And of course, they fought about money. We never, ever had enough money.
In this episode, we explore a fight that Kim and I had recently. But the focus isn’t on the fight itself; rather, the focus is on what we do after the fight has happened and how we combine techniques taught in several books to rewind the argument that happened, explain and identify the emotions that were felt, give tools to cope with these big emotions, and close the loop by apologizing to each other in front of the kids.
Resources from the episode:
- Mark Cummings, a psychologist at Notre Dame University who extensively studies marital conflicts and how it impacts kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gR7bxJEvV4
- Dr. Tovah Klein on preschoolers: https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/how-to-fight-in-front-of-the-kids/
- Don't fight about the kids in front of the kids: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/rules-parents-fighting-in-front-of-the-kids/
- The instant rewind technique from the Whole Brain Child
- How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
I’m so excited for this episode today. It’s completely different from the last two episodes that focused on managing meltdowns (and trust me, I could probably make 100 episodes just on meltdowns). Today, we explore how to use planning to build adaptability in kids. It’s going to be a good one because I have a lot of examples that you can learn from and pick and choose the technique that will best fit your family.
Here are examples of plans I've made with Juniper: Twitter thread with pictures of our plans.
Why learning to plan is important for kids
- Planning forces you to think about the future, teaching the child the concept of today, tomorrow, next week, and the future
- Planning forces you to delay gratification, because you will have a reward later, and you know it, but you have to wait for it
- Planning forces you to develop sequential thinking: first this will happen, then this, and then this
- Planning helps you to cope with change: by planning ahead, you’re forced to really think about change, expect the change, and prepare for change
- Planning forces you to problem solve: if I want to accomplish Z, then I need to do X and Y first
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
I'm sitting in my comfy chair, just minding my business, eating my de-shelled pistachios when I hear Juniper crying. Google had played the wrong song. Ugh... can't even eat my pistachios in peace.
My natural reaction is to downplay the situation, but I use the Opposite Action Technique to keep my mouth shut: Opposite Action, Behavioral Activation, and Exposure.
When Juniper says that she "can't" ask Google to play the song for her, I remind her that in this household, we say "I can't yet but with practice I will." Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
I take a deep breath and help Juniper label her emotions, which helps calm her down: Helping kids identify and express feelings.
We then use the brain breathing technique from The Whole-Brain Child in order to help our upstairs brain hug our downstairs brain: Upstairs And Downstairs Brain.
Other breathing techniques you can try:
- A Little SPOT of Anger: A Story About Managing BIG Emotions
- Pizza breaths
I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.
If you found this episode of Dad Smarter Not Harder valuable, then I ask you to please pay-it-forward by forwarding this episode to one other parent. Your recommendation to another parent is the greatest compliment you can give me. Thank you very much.
It's the first episode of the podcast. Woohoo!!!
Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure to grow as fathers. I'm a proud papa of two little girls (Juniper - age 3 and Kimbal - age 1). We live in San Francisco, CA and my wife, Kim, and I are just trying to be the best parents we can be.
Through my conversations with other fathers, I found that we're all struggling to make it work: how should we properly discipline our kids? What values do we want to instill in them? What's the best way to do this? Am I the only one who gets tired of my kids?
So, I decided to become a human guinea pig and record my interactions with my kids to become better. In so doing, I might as well put it online so that you can all share in my pain and growth as a father.
In this first episode, we explore navigating the treacherous waters of a tantrum.
I want your feedback. Tell me what you like, don't like, questions you have, or what topics you'd like me to explore about fatherhood.
Best way to reach me is through Twitter: @JunLoayza.
Thank you very much.