Raising Greatness: Recent Episodes
Raising Greatness
Welcome to Raising Greatness with Tracey Martin a Disruptor of the current destructive agenda. She is a Guardian of the teens, young adults and their parents that she coaches. She is a Mavryk, living her life at the optimal level of discipline and moral conviction. Her heart is for our kids and helping them reclaim their faith, values and work ethic that are now obsolete.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a book or manual on how to raise healthy families? Well, we do have the best “life manual” ever created. Except most people think they can improve upon it.
We also have rules and life laws within the Bible’s - 10 commandments - let's review those
You shall have no other God’s before me.
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images - do not worship false Gods or idols.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain -God’s name is holy and should stay that way.
Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it Holy - Remember creation and keep it a day of worship.
Honor your father and mother - Love and respect your parents.
Thou shalt not kill - Do not take a life.
Thou shalt not commit adultery - husbands and wives, be faithful to one another
Thou shalt not steal - Do no take anything that doesn’t belong to you.
Thou shalt not bear false witness - Do not lie or tell untruths.
You shalt not covet - means you desire something that someone else has.
The right way to live is obedience and it comes with abundance. Despite what the current worldview might be telling you. Discipline is the way to abundant life.
Proverbs 3:1-4 "My sons and daughters, do not forget my teaching but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”
Did you know that parenting is one of the most researched areas in the entire field of social science according to Dr. Steinberg a professor of psychology at Temple University of Philadelphia.
He goes on to explain that too many parents base their actions on gut reactions. But some parents have better instincts than others. ——True statement Dr. Steinberg.
Dr. Ruby Natale PhD, PsyD Professor of clinical pediatric at the University of Miami Medical School couldn’t agree more. “Many people use the same tactics that their own parents used on them, and a lot of the time it meant extreme harsh discipline or punishment.
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Would you actually live for them? I mean really live for them. Make better choices, choose sobriety. Take better care of yourself mentally and physically. If you are divorced, would you put your kids first over your new boyfriend or girlfriend? Would you sacrifice now so they could have in the future. Meaning strong values, solid morals and high self confidence.
Your kids don’t need you to die for them but they do need you to live for them.
Do you ever think about this statement? How many times have you said that you would take a bullet for your kids?
Let’s think about this. What does this even mean? To me it means to truly live fully while your children are watching you. To live your life to the fullest expression so that you leave a lasting legacy and template for your kids to follow. To know you are living life on purpose for a purpose. To walk your life out as a faithful follower of Christ and leave an imprint for them.
Jeremiah 29:13 - “And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." To live life with purpose, it is found on the Lord. When we whole-heartedly and intentionally seek Him for direction and his purpose for our lives. He will lead and guide us.
️Alcohol and underage drinking: How much influence do parents have on their kids in this category?
Let’s tackle the obvious that no one wants to talk about first.
EVERY CHILD DESERVES TO BE RAISED IN A SOBER HOME. How are you doing with this? I know this is a touchy subject and that is why I want to tackle this one first. As a coach of teens and young adults and their families this is a big one in the coaching studio. Children are drinking younger and younger and parents seem to accept it as a “right of passage” for their kids these days. I pray this never gets normalized.
I hear from clients that have had to pick up their own parents after a night of drinking. The kid had just gotten their license. I hear about kids seeing their parents drunk, acting inappropriate and becoming violent at times. No child deserves this.
If this hits you, maybe it is time to address this part of your life. Are you LIVING for your kids. They are watching. Usually in these circumstances it can go one of two ways. The child follows in the parents footsteps and begins a lifelong relationship with alcohol. Or they see the evils of it and want no part of it in their lives.
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How do your kids see you? What do they think of you? How well do we really know our kids?
Have you ever thought about these question?
Man, I know I definitely have.
As a parent I like to think that I am kind, understanding, witty and fashion forward lol. I hope my kids think the same. But you will have to ask them. But seriously, do we really know who our kids are and do they really know us?
Do your kids know what you do for a living?
Do your kids know who your best friend is?
Do your kids know how you met your spouse?
Do your kids know your favorite restaurant?
Do they know your favorite vacation spot?
Do they now who you were as a teenager?
And sooooo much more. This is a fun topic when I get families in the coaching studio. It is almost like playing a game show. But seriously, how well do your kids know WHO you and what do they think about you?
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of the warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed. But shall speak with their enemies at the gate. Psalm 127: 3-5
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I apologize, I am sorry, I regret, I didn’t mean that or I shouldn’t have done that.
Whatever you want to call it, who is the first to step forward after a transgression has occurred? Apologies are great but if they aren’t followed by behavior change, then it means absolutely nothing.
Depending upon who you ask, you will probably get different perspectives.
Definition of an apology - A regretful acknowledgement of an offense or failure.
Seems pretty straightforward. So then why is it so hard and why do people hold on to the ground that they occupy instead of saying “I am sorry”?
Is there weakness in an apology? Should their be a hierarchy of who apologies first?
THE ANATOMY OF AN APOLOGY
A real apology has 3 main components.
- It acknowledges the actions taken and the result of the pain that was inflicted.
- It provides an action plan for how the person who will right the wrong.
- There is an actual exchange in behavior proving to you that there won’t be a repeat offense in the future.
Never blame the situation or circumstance. Taking full responsibility is the only way to ensure there is a clean slate moving forward. Otherwise we harbor resentment and never fully move on.
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Mental health. I do not want to speak to the diluted down version of this statement. I hear it from a lot of my teen clients. “It is trendy to have a mental health issue. To have a therapist.” Everyone has one. It makes me fit in…..Ok, let/s stop right there. What are you trying to “fit in" to?
The labels:
Anxiety
Fear
Depression
Self Worth
Self Esteem
The leading result from all of these is a LACK OF COPING SKILLS. They are over protected, bubble wrapped and the moment they don’t “feel good” about their life, parents run interference and sign them up for therapy, counseling or psychiatry.
SIDE NOTE - our school systems are to blame, social media is to blame, parenting is to blame and our kids are to blame. There now that we got that out of the way. Fingers are pointing everywhere because it is a layered issue. Let’s dive in…..
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Lindsay is one of our ambassadors and a recent grad of ASU Walter Cronkite School of Journalism.
In part 2 - Lindsay and I talk about how faith plays a part in her dating life and those of her friends.
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Lindsay is one of our ambassadors and a recent grad of ASU Walter Cronkite School of Journalism. I sit down with her to discuss all things Gen Z, faith and her future.
Lindsay talks about how the platform she is building will be for God’s glory and to build His kingdom. We dive into her experience during covid and how she fought the vaccine mandate with her religious exemption to maintain her goals in school.
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Isn’t that a loaded question? There are so many yet I do believe there are some that are more important than others and maybe we are missing them.
Some of the lessons that probably come to mind are the basic ones of:
Honesty is the best policy
Loyalty
Kindness
Courage
Etc…..
For Christian families I believe that the #1 would be for our children to know who they are in Christ. To know that they are loved and were created on purpose.
Which brings to mind
All your children will be disciples of the the Lord- I will make peace abound for your children. Isaiah 54:13
Teach your children about Christ at a young and had their souls will find eternal peace in heaven. In the fallen world in which we live in today, I believe this is foundational. It is not IF our kids will be faced with adversity, depression or fear it is a matter of WHEN.
Let’s equip them.
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This is not something that you may think about on the daily. However, this is what I experience almost every day in the coaching studio. Kids that have been given permission to be mediocre, to barely get by or encouraged to take “baby steps.”
I believe this goes in stages based upon our parenting. What do I mean by that? Well, when we have young children we teach them to reach for more, to honor Christ and they accompany us to church and apply themselves in school and do chores around the house, we are instilling a sense of value, and accomplishment. Then when we enter the teenage years it seems we give them a pass to “slide or skate” on these obligations or expectations with the excuse of “well, you know teens.” Etc. Striving for cooperation and giving space to our kids doesn’t have to equate to lowering the bar of responsibility or their bar for themselves. At times it is almost like when they push back we take a step back. I don’t know whether this is because, as parents, we don’t want the conflict or what. This is a slippery slope. Once you begin to expect less and lower the standard, they will only show up to that level and then fast forward, our child is at a failure to launch level.
C.S. Lewis stated in the book “The WEIGHT of Glory”
It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half - hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. (Enter in the word of mediocrity)
Let’s challenge out kids to rise up to who they were created to be.
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I receive this question quite a bit in the coaching studio. Honestly, I have to say this is not something I would have ever thought about. EVER. Yet, here we are. However, after studying this for the past few years and speaking to countless families, it makes complete sense why we are here.
No one was paying attention
People tolerated
Virtue signaling
People were too uncomfortable to speak out
And on and on
What is at play here is truly a spiritual battle for your children and your family. As parents now is the time to ask yourself if you will stand up and protect your families. It can not be done passively. The biblical message of transgender, sexually immorality and deviant behavior was put in place back in the garden of Eden. If you know biblical truth - What God creates Satan counterfeits. I invite you to deep dive into scripture on this. We are living in a post Christian America. It is said that we will deal with more demonic behavior because we were a country founded on Christian values and a strong faith and we turned our back on God. Rather to have never had faith and knew better in the first place.
By now I am sure some of you have visited your local Target store and have seen the products that they are carrying. Evil is no longer hiding. It is in plain site. I think this it is a good thing because now people have zero excuse to say it isn’t happening. To not push back or protect their children.
Target hired a satanist (Abprallen) to collaborate with on a brand of clothing and accessories. Some of the graphics are
Satan expects pronouns
My guardian Angel is trans
If I cannot inspire love - I will cause fear
Too queer for here
Times up for transphobes
Trans witch
Bisexual witch
Trans witches for abortion
Ok - I think that is enough. The colors are all Pastel in design. So naturally younger girls would be drawn to them. These are also available online.
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Hmmm I wonder?
Appreciation
Anticipation
Expectation
Entitlement
Dependency
This is the cycle of the current condition of a lot of teens and young adults. Does it sound familiar?
Appreciation - Thank you so much. They are full of gratitude. It makes you feel good so you continue. “They are so grateful, it makes me want to do things for them.”
Anticipation - They are anticipating that you will do it again. That moment when you choose one way and it is good, choose the other and you are on a path to destruction lol
Expectation - Now is when it starts to go sideways. They are expecting it because you did it before so you will probably do it again. You have created a pattern and now you have solidified it. They are conditioned to expect it.
Entitlement (definition - the fact to having a right to something, that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment) - Well and here we are. “You are so entitled.” “You think the world owes you something.” But…..no one knows how that happened. Hmmmm…No one is willing to take accountability. Meanwhile you have a teenager camped on your sofa with zero drive or ambition. Or you have a college student sitting in the dorm room flunking classes and you keep funding it.
Dependency - At this point you have kids that have come to relax and know that you are going to always “take care” of their needs and wants. They have become dependent upon you and maybe they have a permanent imprint in your sofa cushion. Asking for something from you is no longer even a thought process for them, they will automatically look to you for their needs and wants. This can be a difficult pattern to break for so many reasons.
“When all their needs are met, there is no NEED for them to show up differently.”
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Ahhh how many times have we heard this as a parent? How many times have we felt this way? What does this really mean?
Have you ever thought about that? We all know we have to do things that we don’t want to. For most kids that means school, homework, chores etc.
Does motivation = responsibility? So would lack of motivation mean that our teens refuse to take responsibility for their life? This sounds reasonable.
What is the root of this? Maybe they just don’t care enough. Maybe they believe they can do better things with their time. As adults we know the consequences of this type of thinking. But as a teen, we really don’t have a point of reference yet. They haven’t lived long enough.
Are we as parenting being counterintuitive to our kids overcoming this issue?
Do you find yourself saying 1 or more of these to yourself or even out loud to your kids?
- Why can’t they just put their phone down and focus on their school work?
- Why is it so difficult for them to take on their chores without me telling them or having to constantly remind them? I am always nagging.
- Why won’t they apply themselves and work harder? It will help them in the future.
- They are always in such a bad mood and have a bad attitude.
Let’s dive into this dynamic.
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We are coming to the end of a school year. This is a great time for a reset. Audit a few things.
How did they wrap up this year?
Are you carving out time for family and fun this summer?
What is on deck for next year?
But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.
2 Chronicles 15:7
I think about this all the time. As adults we have a good idea of what a goal is. We know that it can take time to meet the goal and there will be challenges along the way. That we may have to reinvent ourselves to meet the goal that we are shooting for. As a teen it can seem like a never ending journey with no success insight. Especially if the goal is a long term one not just, study for a test the next day.
If your teen is on social media this can be extra pressure. They look at what everyone else is doing. Remember, social media is designed to make you think.
“Maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else.” The feeling of FOMO is real and can be debilitating to a teen.
Maybe the traditional goal setting theory may not work for your teen. Something to think about.
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I am so excited for you to listen to this episode. It is very special to me to share my bible study teacher with all of you. Kathy is a force. Her mission is to disciple women. She heard this message loud and clear from God and is obedient in the task.
Her teachings on the 3 daily disciplines have helped many women grow closer to Christ.
1) Quiet the mind
2) Read the word
3) Pray & listen
She recommends the Daily Bible as a great place to start
You can hear more about Kathy and her bible study teachings on her podcast on iTunes and Spotify Words for Life by Kathy Lutz.
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What are your blind spots and biases around your children?
Definition of a blind spot: An area where a person's view is obstructed.
Definition of a bias: Prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.
Where might you have a blind spot or even a bias around parenting? Are there things that you perceive as harmless because you might be ok with them, yet do not see the destruction within your child?
Examples….
Is there a blind spot that you are missing with your child? Maybe you are raising a strong-willed child and it is challenging. You default to parenting from fear instead of confidence.
Prayer - Ask God to give you wisdom, patience, and a spirit of peace as you raise a STRONG WILLED child. Remember to look at your child the way that Jesus looks at you.
I want to dive into the bias that seems to surround parenting. That is the CONFIRMATION bias. Yes, there are many, but this is the focus for today's show.
“Most parents want to pave the way for their children rather than prepare their children for the road.”
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Soooo you are raising a teenager in 2023 - How’s it going?
Moms and Dads this one is all hands on deck! Gen Z needs parents to show up united to equip them for life.
Sadly, this is not always the case.
What do you think some of the biggest obstacles are for raising healthy teenagers today?
Here are a few: Perspective | Reality | Communication
In today's show we dive into all of this and more.
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The Power of Mothers - I want to honor moms on Mother’s Day; however, I also want to make you think as well. Being a mother is a kaleidoscope of emotions, responsibilities and decisions.
When you decide that you want to become a mother, there are a lot of things to consider. Once you are a mother and your circumstances change, whether by choice or crisis, you have decisions to make.
In a world where we have some generations asking “what is a woman” I think it is important to define motherhood, live it out and celebrate it.
Women are THE ONLY GIVER’S OF LIFE. Period. When I think of the strong women who have gone before me or even my own mother, and those that influenced my life with a motherly touch, these words come to mind.
Courageous | Resilient | Tough | Resolute | Driven | Relentless | Protective
Do these words describe mothers or fathers? I believe it is both. The strength of a mother is unmatched.
Beauty | Giving | Generous | Loving | Nurturing | Compassionate
These words or descriptions are not inherently meant for a specific parent.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:28-29
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What does it mean to be a good steward? Are there areas of life where we really aren’t stewarding the gifts and blessings from God?
I want to invite you to think about this statement.
What does it mean to “steward” something? Here is Webster’s definition
“A steward is someone whose regular job is to take care of something or someone.”
What does the Bible say about it?
God expects His stewards to be faithful and trustworthy.
The Bible defines it - lends itself to the idea of ‘overseer” or “manager” over someone else’s matters.
How do you think you are stewarding what God has given you?
Your own health
Your family/children
Your finances
Your relationships
Your home
Your earthly home - the planet as a whole
Take a moment and think about this in your own life.
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In today’s show we broaden the conversation on the necessity of your families in today's culture. It is one of the only ways we bring about healing and consistency to future generations.
Destroy the foundation and the house falls. Families have been under attack for decades.
We know the consequences of having fatherless homes. But what about fathers who just don’t engage? Fathers who have been so busy building a life for their families that they forgot their role in their children’s daily lives.
We know there have been organized movements to undermine the nuclear family. The very fabric of our country is built on family values - Christian values and they are under attack.
In 1968 11% of children were being raised by single mothers
In 2022 it doubled to 21.4%
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Has this become the inside generation?
Today we discuss the effects of spending 95% of our lives, specifically our childrens' lives, indoors.
Your kids wake up. Watch TV inside.
Grab their phone and snap chats with a friend, inside their room.
Picks up the game console and begins to play a video game, inside.
Goes to meet a friend for lunch and eats, inside.
Drives to school - inside a bus or car.
Begins school - inside a building for an average of 6 1/2 hours - everyday - 5 days a week for 12 years
Heads home from school to do homework - inside their room.
Go workout - inside a gym.
You get the message.
Let’s get some solutions.
“In his hands is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”
Job 12:10
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How authentic is your home? When it comes to a Christian home, this can be a loaded question. Often times we say we do but then we behave the exact opposite way.
When our children are young we must have a strong stance in HOW we are going to raise our children and the influences that we allow around them. There will come a time when we will have move to more of a cooperative relationship in decision making.
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All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
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In this episode we lay the foundation of TRUTH found in Genesis about how God created us in His image before tackling the topic of gender dysphoria. The number of children and teens diagnosed with this has TRIPLED since 2017, unveiling this mental health crisis as the social contagion it is, perpetuated by lockdowns, isolation, and social media.
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him: male & female he created them.
if we can help, please connect through our website
www.traceylmartin.com
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The struggles are real.
Parents I hear you, I see you and we want to help.
Can you see your child’s greatness through your fear and their shortcomings?
It this episode we talk about how to speak to your kids greatness if you are clouded by their shortcomings. When our families go through adversities such as divorce, we often put our own experience imprints on our kids and they can’t see a way out.
Are you parenting your child from a healed place or a wounded one? This can be a game-changer for their future relationships. Whatever is spoken into our kids lives will become their story, their internal dialogue and eventually their behavior in life.
Remember, 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
Find resources at our website www.traceylmartin.com
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In this hurried world it is easy to drive thru and grab food and become comfortable with the current state of our nutrition rather than be intentional with it.
What’s for dinner?
What did you pack for lunch?
Do you even have time for breakfast?
The most important question of all, how healthy is my relationship with food because my kids are watching me?
Have you prepared them to take care of themselves when you release them out into the world?
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This is an important question to ask when you are looking into schools. Do your homework, don’t just check the “faith” box.
Will they learn the difference between religion and a relationship with Christ? I heard someone the other day say the difference is about 18in. Religion is in the head and relationship is in the heart.
What are options for Christian parents?
We interviewed 5 students that attended different Christian and catholic schools in AZ and got their perspectives.
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Are you able to parent your children the way that God parents us?
I wanted to ask this question. I feel it is so important to understand the dynamics here. God doesn’t save us from the darkness, the destruction and delusion. He prepares us to walk through and overcome. To get the light in the world.
Are we doing this for our children or are we saving them from life’s lessons that they need? This generation is weak-minded and crumbling and succumbing to the immortality that is everywhere. It is time we shift as parents.
God always has time for us and always listens. Let’s be Godly parents. Our children deserve healthy & whole parents.
I shared the book by Samuel Dueth titled Seven Biblical Principles on Parenting.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
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My guest is Kim Miller one of the founding members of AZ women of ActionWe talk about the current climate in the world as it pertains to schools, businesses, leadership and our familiesThe organization is mission focused on action and being the change. They have tangible tasks we all can do to get involved.
Their website https://www.azwomenofaction.com/
And their whistleblower contact info@azwomenofaction.com
If you see things in your community that concerns you and you want support in addressing it, reach out to them. We are called to be bold and take action to protect our children. Never back down.
Colossians 3:23-24
23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
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Guest Amy Carney
Amy Carney is the Author of Parent on Purpose and speaks to moms and dads about the importance of raising their children with more intentionality. Her work has evolved into empowering parents to stand up for education reform in Arizona and around the country. Amy is a mother of six and an advocate for foster care adoption. She is currently the Deputy Director of FreedomWorks education program- BEST (Building Education for Students Together) and is running for a seat on the Scottsdale Unified School Board in November of 2022.
You can find out more about her here:
https://amycarney.com
https://amycarneyforsusd.com
https://parentsknowbest.com/about-us/
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In this episode T brings up numerous questions to give us a starting point when analyzing how we are doing as a parent and how our kids are doing.
What behavior in our homes have we normalized?
Are we still living on autopilot? A disruption is a good thing!
If we don't disrupt unhealthy patterns within our homes, they continue.
What influences are on your kids? Think school, teachers, media and politics, social media and beyond.
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We are miscommunicating more than we are communicating.
I've had numerous clients over the years say they don't think their parents are truly listening.
In today's episode we walk through some questions you can ask yourself in order to determine how healthy and effective the communication is in your home.
Let's implement these new tools so we can reach our children and genuinely hear them.
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In this inaugural episode we get a glimpse into the adversities that built T.
From how her parents rebuilt their life after bankruptcy, to how she escaped an abusive marriage, to the entrepreneurial journey she took building one business after another leading up to becoming the transformational life coach she is today.
By God's grace, she's always had the mindset that "there's nothing that I cannot do" - a mindset that she has instilled into her two daughters.You can actually follow through with what you declare over your life. There is no failure. You either learn or you grow.
Get ready to disrupt the lies that hold you back with bold truths and fierce love.
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