Anorexia – Michelle Sparkes: Recent Episodes
Michelle Sparkes
I have just received the news that a friend’s niece has passed from medical complications after a long battle with anorexia. My heart breaks…I have no words….for you who loved her…and for she whom you loved. But I want to stand with you in this moment. In silence more than anything. To acknowledge your immense pain and suffering. To acknowledge her immense pain and suffering. To honour the life of she who has passed. She who struggled so strenuously and for so long against such an incredibly difficult dis-ease and insidiously destructive dis-order. I stand with you in acknowledgment…and in solidarity. I grieve with you, and for you, in your loss. I hold onto a hope that I accept you may not feel or even want to entertain in this moment. That death is not the end. That Love never fails. I hold onto that hope for you and for your loved one. Despite all. I stand with you. I see you…but not nearly as well or as compassionately or as helpfully as He who created you and your loved one…He who knows each hair of your head and hers, and every breath that you and she breathed, He who loves you both in a way beyond description. May He fill you with a hope for yourself and for your loved one in a way that seems impossible in the darkness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the last, I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.
To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing. For more information go to: michellesparkes.com
Getting free from the bondage of an eating disorder is a journey. In this episode I want to share an experience that helps illustrate how this journey (from bondage to freedom) has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature, and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor […]
No matter how long you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, you can get free of the attitudes and behaviours that keep you feeling stuck, hopeless and despairing. You can get off the food and weight control treadmill and recover your life. Hear the stories of four women experiencing this transformation in […]
Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says […]
Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says […]
Freda, 38, has struggled with anorexia and disordered eating for 19 years. In this podcast she talks about the process of finding freedom from the obsessive thoughts and rules that circumscribed her life until recently. You can watch a video of the interview here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV-qqqlXs info@michellesparkes.com
Paralysing fear. Feeling stuck and terrified. Afraid to make a “wrong” decision; afraid to make any decision. Acute anxiety is a major feature of anorexia and something most of us will relate to in some measure. Even when you’re recovered from anorexia (as I am), there are times when situations trigger that old emotional response. […]
When we are locked in the self hatred of the eating disorder ‘cage’ we need to experience ourselves as seen, known, understood, worthwhile, valuable, loved. Even when and especially in the midst of our most acute struggles. For me the heart of the Christmas message is about this. The sound quality of this audio is […]
When the ED voice (the bully in your head) is making it hard or impossible for you to take in the nurture you need to survive and thrive you need help. You need other people to come alongside you and help you fight the lies and the fear that paralyses you SO THAT you can […]
When you’re fighting anorexia, you become afraid to eat. The terror of losing control and getting fat is REAL and is created by the eating disorder itself. I want to tell you, food is not your enemy; the fear of food and what it can do to you is your enemy. The ED voice lies […]
Anorexia and other eating disorders reflect a hunger for life – a hunger to know oneself as loved, worthwhile, of value, and to feel secure within. This may surprise you because you may know someone who has developed an eating disorder and think they come from a good family; they’ve had good life experiences; why […]
My ED shifted from anorexia to EDNOS to binge-eating, but the core truth I needed to know and experience at a deep gut level at EVERY stage of my ED was that I had worth and value as a person irrespective of my problematic behaviours. Not knowing this kept me stuck in an ED for […]
The reason I’m so heated about worth, value and security is because a revelation and experience of these foundational truths deep in your soul will set you free from the lies at the heart of anorexia and other disordered eating experiences. Tall claim but true. Human love, valuing and connection is wonderful and healing (and […]
I started this podcast on a roll about freedom but I got sidetracked by a conversation with a mum who was concerned about her 13-year-old daughter with anorexia and the treatment approach that was being taken. This is my response including a message to her 13 year old daughter. In essence I believe a whole person […]
I believe the journey out of bondage into freedom requires a whole person approach. It’s not enough to focus on food or regular eating although that is very important. In my own journey from restricting anorexia into binge-eating/purging anorexia the lack of attention to what was going on inside me left me floundering in the […]
When we’re in the midst of anorexia it is very difficult to articulate the struggle we experience within. Our behaviour towards food and body reflect our inner experience (and are highly expressive) but not in a way that most people will understand. I wrote Illuminating Anorexia to help bridge this gap, to provide a “window in” […]
Picking up from the last podcast (Why I differentiate Anorexia from other Eating Disorders), I want to now illuminate the experience of restricting anorexia, the tightening treadmill (see also TreadmillDiagram) and the movement from restricting sub-type to binge-eating/purging sub-type. This movement within anorexia is not uncommon, and it can be easily misunderstood. I welcome your feedback and […]
The reason I differentiate anorexia from other eating disorders is because there are two sub-types of anorexia – a restricting sub-type and a binge-eating/purging sub type. Understanding the difference is important when considering how best to approach and support someone with anorexia. Unlike most ED presentations, a person with anorexia (restricting sub-type) does not present with recurring […]
I love this play on words. I use it deliberately. Perfectionism is a losing game. The more you chase perfectionism the more it will elude you. You will find yourself chasing your tail and getting worn down in the process. And who knows what you may lose along the way…health, friends, money, time… opportunity…JOY! I have loved […]
I just listened to an interview on Hack radio regarding ‘Treating Anorexia.’ Canadian professor Louis Charland (?spelling), Philosopher of Science and Bioethicist, was speaking with Sarah McFee about the merits of treating anorexia as a “passion” (an affective disorder of feelings rather than thinking). He said current cognitive therapies are “just not effective enough” and […]
The most powerful truth I know to help you get FREE from an eating disorder is to know (by experience) that you are loved, desired, of inestimable worth, chosen. You may never have experienced these things, and if you’ve been on the ED treadmill for a long time, the lies you’ve believed may blind your […]
Have you ever felt like you would NEVER be free from your eating disorder or disordered eating experience? Have you ever wondered, "How on earth did I get stuck in this place where thoughts of food and weight (and exercise) consume me?! I didn't start here. How did this happen?" i want to reassure you, you are not […]
In May this year the Butterfly Foundation put out a “Mayday” call seeking to raise awareness and support for those suffering with eating disorders in Australia. They estimate there are now 1 million sufferers in Australia with less than 25%of those with an eating disorder in treatment despite the fact that eating disorders have the highest […]
Have you ever wondered about the voices a person with anorexia experiences? Escalating Conflict describes the growing conflict and development of ‘voices’ I experienced as my journey down the scales progressed and my eating disorder “solution” became increasingly untenable. I needed to eat. I hated feeling like a burden on my parents but I was increasingly […]
This podcast explains why I wrote ‘Illuminating Anorexia’ and describes the first time I recognised that my dieting had “gotten out of control.” It was a wake up call, and yet it would be another year before I was diagnosed with anorexia and began to get the help I needed. Early Intervention is such an […]
This is a radio interview I did with Hamish and Emma on The Dip (94.5FM) prior to the relase of the DSMV. It covers some general info about eating disorders, definitions and differences, media influences, body image, the “perfection lie” and recovery. It should be noted the DSMV no longer includes the 85% expected weight for height […]
KEY 4 The fourth key to get FREE from an eating disorder (ED) is to take action. The preceding three keys have been preparing you to get to this point where the real “work” of recovery begins. There are a number of action steps to unpack here. The first is to develop a meal plan […]
KEY 3 The third key to get FREE from an eating disorder (ED) is to take inventory of where you are at right now. Don’t change a thing. I suggest you use a simple food diary for a week to become aware of the behaviours, thinking, feeling and situations that are currently part of your […]
KEY 2 The second key to get FREE from an eating disorder (ED) is to make a decision to stop spinning your wheels by ceasing to engage in ED behaviours (restricting, purging and overexercising). This may seem impossible right now. I get that. That’s why you first need to adjust your vision and SEE that […]
I AM... This poem describes how it feels (for me) to be recovered... to feel free to 'be' in my skin, self-accepting, able to rest and receive good things...nurture, friendship, life, love. It feels light-years away from the constant striving, self-rejection and body punishing behaviours of my ED. I hope these simple words (and […]
KEY 1 The first key to get FREE from an eating disorder (ED) is to adjust your vision and SEE that your destination is not to be stuck on the ED treadmill, spinning your wheels, losing health, opportunities, LIFE! Your destination is freedom and joy, to feel good in your skin, at peace in your […]
When I travelled through anorexia, EDNOS and binge-eating as a teen and young adult, I felt like if I could just “get above” the problem maybe I could see a way out of it. As it was, I felt stuck in a maze, spinning my wheels, losing vision, hope, health and my future. Twenty plus […]
Over Easter I joined the chat on a wonderful pro-recovery FB group (Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS Recovery Support Group) – and was very stirred by the despair I heard in one young lady, Megan B. I reached out to Megan and the admin onsite but there was no response from MB. This episode is inspired […]
Over Easter I joined the chat on a wonderful pro-recovery FB group (Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS Recovery Support Group) – and was very stirred by the despair I heard in one young lady, Megan B. I reached out to Megan and the admin onsite but there was no response from MB. This episode is inspired […]
When you’re in the ED space it’s not easy to tap into your joy and ‘feed’ your soul. To fight the critical, bullying ED voice, you need to nurture your soul and the healthy part of you that says, “Wait a minute, surely I deserve something by now…” and the truth is, YES you do! […]
When you’re in the ED space it’s not easy to tap into your joy and ‘feed’ your soul. To fight the critical, bullying ED voice, you need to nurture your soul and the healthy part of you that says, “Wait a minute, surely I deserve something by now…” and the truth is, YES you do! […]
Whatever kind of day you’ve had, and especially if it’s been a tough day for you, I want to encourage you to tap into your joy. This is such an important key to help you get off the ED treadmill and recover your life. Take a moment to think of something that brings you joy. Something simple. Something accessible […]
My parents and I travelled through anorexia & EDNOS in the ‘dark ages’ (late 70s/early 80s) and it made the journey so very tough. It’s one of the reasons I do what I do in this arena. And while there’s a lot more light on the subject & help available now, I believe the clearer […]
Any BODY at any WEIGHT can have a (classifiable) eating disorder. Many more people struggle ‘under the radar’ with eating, self & body issues that don’t fit the diagnostic criteria. These ‘life consuming’ problems are big and growing (amongst females and males) and the real struggle is mainly hidden. In this and the last episode, […]
Any BODY at any WEIGHT can have a (classifiable) eating disorder. Many more people struggle ‘under the radar’ with eating, self & body issues that don’t fit the diagnostic criteria. These ‘life consuming’ problems are big and growing (amongst females and males) and the real struggle is mainly hidden. In this and the next episode, […]
I want to speak directly to the person struggling with anorexia. When we begin on this (restrictive) path, we usually feel pretty good about things, better about our ‘self,’ more competent and in control. We don’t want help. It’s not until the wheels start to fall off that we become open to the possibility that […]
I believe illumination is the key and first step on the path to recovery because until we can see the nature of the battle in which we are engaged we will not be in a position to consider our alternatives. We will be fighting in the dark. Many of us will become exhausted and despairing. […]