Relative Insights' Podcast: Recent Episodes

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This is the 2nd part in a 2 part series about pornography (porn). In this episode we turn things over to the public and get the views of men and women on porn and how it affects them, their relationships and their view on sex.

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This is part 1 of a 2 part series on pornography (porn). In this episode we discuss some stats on porn use, the differences btw porn use and porn addiction, etc. And we also have 2 female guests who discuss their personal views on porn. Without giving too much away, give it a listen!

Every Second:

• 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.
• $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet.
• 372 people are typing the word "adult" into a search engine.

Every Day:

• 37 pornographic videos are created in the United States.
• 2.5 billion emails containing porn are sent or received.
• 68 million search queries related to pornography- 25% of total searches- are generated.
• 116,000 queries related to child pornography are received.

How Online Pornography Affects Americans

• About 200,000 Americans are classified as “porn addicts.”
• 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites.
• 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography.
• 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails.
• One-third of porn viewers are women.

(https://www.webroot.com/us/en/resources/tips-articles/internet-pornography-by-the-numbers#:~:text=40%20million%20American%20people%20regularly,of%20porn%20viewers%20are%20women.)

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It’s suicide prevention month… we explore the importance of discussing this topic in your own household and reiterate as well as expound on what we discussed last year in our suicide episode.

Resources:

https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Suicide-Prevention-Month

https://www.projectsemicolon.com/

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In this episode we talk about the necessity for self care among mental health professionals and why it is important for us to take care of ourselves. We also discuss the stigma behind mental health professionals seeking therapy and sharing their own mental health issues, while also touching on compassion fatigue and burnout.
Here are some of the most common signs of compassion fatigue:

• Diminished feelings of empathy
• Inability to stop thinking about work
• Dreading going to work
• Difficulty sleeping
• Low mood, anger, or irritability
• Social isolation
• Lack of motivation

Self-Care Strategies and Techniques (from positivepsychology.com)
Physical

1. Maintain a healthy and nutritious diet. Ideally with the help of a nutritionist, planning your diet can be vital.
2. Drink plenty of water. Therapists often forget how much energy is being spent listening and talking to patients. Therapists have water set aside for patients; why not for themselves as well?
3. Get enough sleep. Without proper sleep, fatigue may make therapists less able to exert the needed concentration in sessions with patients.

Cognitive

1. Read for leisure. Taking thoughts away from sessions and redirecting them toward things to relax with and enjoy, such as books, can help.
2. Being aware of self-talk, inner thoughts, judgments, and feelings can reduce stress and burnout (Lomas et al., 2019).
3. Participate in personal therapy. It is important to have a separate space for therapists to discuss stressful thoughts and behaviors brought on by delivering therapy.

Emotional

1. Find things that oppose the negative emotions experienced during a session. For example, if a session was particularly sad, watch a funny movie.
2. Practice using positive affirmations, such as praising yourself. As a therapist, you may not feel as if positive praise is warranted for your work, but what you do is important. Positive affirmations can benefit emotional wellbeing, lowering stress and rumination (Koole et al., 1999; Wiesenfeld et al., 2001).
3. Allow yourself to cry. All therapists can feel overwhelmed by emotions; a need to cry can be prevalent. Crying in personal therapy, as well as on your own time and in your own home, can be appropriate.

Spiritual

1. Make time for self-reflection at home, in nature, in a journal, or with a therapist.
2. Be open to not knowing. Therapists ground themselves in research and evidence-based work, but that does not mean therapists always have the answer. Not knowing can be stressful, but accepting that you don’t know everything and releasing yourself from this pressure are important parts of self-care.
3. Spend time in nature. The commute to the office, interactions with many people, and day-to-day administrative tasks can feel like too much at times. Escaping to nature is a key aspect of a self-care break.

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Family estrangement is a separation within a family, often involving one or more members of the family choosing to withdraw from one another. In this episode, we explore this topic, while hearing from our guests own heartbreaking traumatic experience.
 As you will hear, estrangement is one of the most painful and complex challenges that a family can face. When one family member says, “I’m done,” to another, they might feel distraught, relieved, or a combination of the two. And for the person who is cut off, the relationship can feel all but hopeless. In a large survey of undergraduates, 39% reported estrangement happening between immediate family members, and 61% in their extended family. Fault Lines (a book on family estrangement) sociologist Karl Pillemer and his research team surveyed over 1,300 Americans, 27% of whom reported being currently estranged from someone in their family. The causes of estrangement can include abuse, neglect, betrayal, bullying, unaddressed mental illness, not being supportive, destructive behavior, substance abuse. Oftentimes, parents do not square with a child’s sexual orientation, choice of spouse, gender identity, religion, and or political views. Whatever the cause, family estrangement is not as much of an anomaly as some may think, and it is time to stop holding this secret inside and open up the communication on this topic. 

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What Is Ghosting? Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace. As humans we go through so many different experiences in our lives, and depending on our experiences or being a highly sensitive person (HSP) we can experience ghosting as a very traumatic event. This does NOT mean that you are broken! There is nothing wrong with you! Here are some common signs that you may be experiencing trauma after being ghosted:

· A belief being ghosted confirms you aren’t “good enough,”

· You can’t stop trying to figure out why the other person ghosted you and even potentially trying to diagnosis their mental health or attachment issues,

· Feeling anxious because you believe that being ghosted means you will be single forever,

· Non-stop talking (or thinking) about the person who ghosted you,

· Fantasizing about confronting them or revenge,

· You believe that you can change their mind,

· Waiting for them to return because, deep down, you believe if you’re patient you are destined to end up together, and,

· Criticizing, or attacking, yourself for doing something “wrong” which led to the ghosting

As mentioned in the podcast - how to manage the traumatic effects of being ghosted:

· Please stop blaming yourself

· Allow yourself the space to experience your grief

· Do not wait for closure from the ghoster

· Focus on your own wellness – self care, self love, etc

· Remain open and receptive to healthy connections

· Don’t be afraid to see a therapist

As mentioned in the podcast here is the link to learn your attachment style: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz

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Video games seem to be blamed for many different negative effects on mental health. Some studies indicate that gaming results in people becoming anxious, depressed, angry, or even violent. However, there is more to the story.

Playing video games has numerous benefits for your mental health. Video games can help you relieve stress and get your mind going. Some benefits include:

Mental stimulation; Feeling accomplished; Social interaction; Emotional resilience;
Mental health recovery : Playing games can help with trauma recovery, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Despite what people may think, playing video games boosts your mood and has lasting effects. Whether you’re using gaming to spend time with your friends or to release some stress, it's a great option.

Playing video games has been linked to improved moods and mental health benefits. It might seem natural to think that violent video games like first-person shooters aren’t good for your mental health. However, all video games can be beneficial for different reasons.

Try strategic video games. Role-playing and other strategic games can help strengthen problem-solving skills. There’s little research that says violent video games are bad for your mental health. Almost any game that encourages decision-making and critical thinking is beneficial for your mental health.

Set limits. Though video games themselves aren’t bad for your mental health, becoming addicted to them can be. Spending too much time gaming can lead to isolation. You may also not want to be around people in the real world. When you start to feel yourself using video games as an escape, you might need to slow down.

Play with friends. Make game time fun by playing with friends. There are online communities you can join for your favorite games. Moderate gaming time with friends can help with socialization, relaxation, and managing stress.

Limits of Video Games as a Mood BoosterVideo games stop being good for you when you play an excessive amount. In these cases, you may:

• Have anxious feelings
• Be unable to sleep
• Not want to be in social settings

Another troubling sign is using video games to escape real life. This type of behavior can lead to video game addiction, which then leads to other negative behaviors. Too much gaming can become a problem, but in moderation, it can do great things for your mental health.

If you can’t stop playing video games on your own, you can contact a mental health professional.

SOURCES:‌

‌American Addiction Centers: “Video Game Addiction Symptoms and Treatment.”

‌AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION: “Video game play may provide learning, health, social benefits, review finds.”

‌Frontiers in Psychiatry: “Commercial Video Games As Therapy: A New Research Agenda to Unlock the Potential of a Global Pastime.”

‌Frontiers in Psychology: “Gaming well: links between video games and flourishing mental health.”

‌U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs: “Can video games help in mental health recovery?”

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Relative Insights sits down with a special guest to discuss the trauma experienced in a same sex marriage with a person who exhibits narcissistic traits and subsequent trauma experienced when trying to separate yourself.

It's unfortunate, but many victims come to the understanding that divorce/separation doesn’t stop the narcissistic abuse; in fact, it often escalates when a victim finds the courage to separate. Many are under the misconception that females cannot have narcissistic traits, but this is untrue. Men are diagnosed with NPD at much higher rates, but female narcissists do exist. As Hack discussed, her wife exhibited those traits and caused tremendous narcissistic trauma towards her. She shares her empowering story and raw truths about her marriage and divorce from her wife.

We also discuss ways in which to heal and navigate through the trauma of divorce from a narcissist.

What Can I Do To Prepare?

Understanding the realities of divorcing a narcissist can be overwhelming and terrifying. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. They lie about anything. Be prepared to prove reality, but only if you have to.
2. They will paint a picture of you that is unrecognizable.
3. Get an extremely effective attorney
4. Gather irrefutable evidence
5. Build your support tribe and lean on them!
6. Develop good coping skills and engage in self-care.
7. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - set them and maintain them, especially communication boundaries
8. Document everything.

This is not an exhaustive list of tactics that abusers may use against victims, but below are some common ways that narcissistic abusersduring and after divorce:

• Blaming you solely for breaking up the family
• Gaslighting the children
• Calling CPS on the victim for made up concerns
• Hiring a nanny to spy on you and make false allegations against you
• Fighting for full custody by making false allegations about the victim’s parenting skills or mental health
• Turning the victim’s family, friends, clergy, and community against her
• Stalking the victim
• Calling, emailing, texting, and visiting the victim under the guise of parenting
• Ignoring the children’s needs
• Emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusing children
• Keeping the victim’s property hostage
• Releasing private information, photographs, or other private material about the victim to humiliate them

Check these sites out:
https://www.survivedivorce.com/divorcing-narcissist
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-find-a-narcissistic-abuse-support-group-5271477https://medium.com/the-virago/6-powerful-books-helped-me-recover-from-narcissistic-abuse-da1d17e1f512

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An unfiltered, yet thoughtful discussion of post infidelity stress disorder (PISD) from two mental heath professionals who just happen to be cousins. In this episode, we discuss infidelity, define post infidelity stress disorder, various ways to receive help, etc.

With PISD relationship partners of both genders may experience similar classical symptoms of PTSD:

· Repeated intrusive thoughts (constant thoughts of the infidelity, the who/why/what/when/where).

· Unstable emotional regulation (this feeling of going out of your mind, intense anger, intense sadness, etc.).

· Out of body experiences (dissociating from things to get through your day, feeling not present and day dreaming, etc).

· Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation.

· Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress.

· Feeling overwhelmingly powerless and broken.

· Needing to regain self-worth by assigning blame (whether it is your partner, the other person(s) involved, etc).

· Confusion and disorientation (just a feeling of not understanding how it could happen, how you could not know, etc,.

For more information check out this article and please as always continue to learn and grow through your own research: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/stress/what-is-post-infidelity-stress-disorder

If you have any questions, concerns, or you're looking for further information please feel free to email us at: relative.insights1@gmail.com

This episode may contain explicit content that may not be appropriate for children.

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An unfiltered, yet thoughtful discussion of racial trauma from two mental heath professionals who just happen to be cousins. In this episode, we discuss racial trauma, what is looks like, our own personal experiences, giving examples of discriminations, microaggressions, and the ultimate toll it takes on us.

Racialized Trauma is a topic that is not widely discussed and with new bills being passed prohibiting teachers from discussing racism etc. in schools, it is as if the experience of racism is being invalidated on a wider spectrum. When people are subjected to racism, discrimination, microaggressions, or other forms of mistreatment or violence because of their racial background, it can lead to trauma. "Moreover, over 60% of Black Americans endorse at least one experience of racial discrimination in their lifetime, and findings suggest that the links between experiences of racial discrimination and negative health outcomes are stronger for Black Americans than for any other group. Carter (2007) posits that some Black Americans who experience racial discrimination can develop racial trauma, a psychological trauma with symptoms comparable to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5 criteria for PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), which include negative alterations to cognition and mood, intrusive symptoms, avoidance, and physical reactions." (https://psychology.uga.edu/coping-racial-trauma)

The book mentioned in this podcast: My Grandmother's Hands Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies By: Resmaa Menakem MSW LICSW

If you have any questions, concerns, or you're looking for further information please feel free to email us at: relative.insights1@gmail.com

This episode may contain explicit content that may not be appropriate for children.

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An unfiltered, yet thoughtful discussion of suicide from two mental heath professionals who just happen to be cousins. In this episode, we discuss the changes in suicide rates, the alarming rise in suicide among youth and young adults, including the most recent suicides of some celebrity young adults.

Suicide is one of those taboo topics that’s begging for a frank and open discussion, and this episode is just the beginning of our discussions. Research shows that prioritizing and having open, honest conversations about mental health on the individual and national levels, implementing practices that reduce suicide risk in clinical and community settings, reducing access to lethal means, and seeking help early and when indicated, can reduce suicide deaths.

If you or someone you know is thinking about harming themselves or having suicidal thoughts please reach out for help! Do not take this lightly. There is a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline that is available 24 hours, and you can reach someone at 800-273-8255. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to the lifeline then reach out to someone in your life for support. It is ok to ask for help, we ALL need help and support in our lives.

If you have any questions, concerns, or you're looking for further information please feel free to email us at: relative.insights1@gmail.com

This episode may contain explicit content that may not be appropriate for children.