The Love U Podcast with Evan Marc Katz

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In this episode, I explore how biology and culture shape male behavior, why the backlash against toxic masculinity has left decent men unsure how to act, and what women lose when masculinity gets coded as dangerous.

If you’re looking for a confident, proactive man without the boorishness and entitlement, watch this episode. You’ll have plenty of reasons for optimism.

🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/quiz
💖 Book a call with Evan: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching
📷 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realevanmarckatz/

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He’s 58, successful, kind, and never married. Is that a huge red flag, or is it just part of his story? In this episode, I make the case both for and against dating a never-married man, and I ask you to be as charitable to him as you would be to a girlfriend who never tied the knot. If you’ve ever hesitated over a never-married man and wondered what you might be missing, watch this episode before you swipe left.

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Everyone wants to know where to go to meet a quality man, and yet that might be the wrong question entirely. If your man picker is broken, it’s entirely possible you’ll keep choosing the wrong one, no matter how many men you meet. In this episode, you’ll discover why you should treat choosing a partner the way you’d treat buying a house. Carefully.

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In this episode, I explain how social media distorts your reality, why negativity dominates modern dating conversations, and why believing the worst in men is a bigger problem than men themselves.

If you’re tired of the doom and gloom and are craving a more hopeful, realistic perspective, you should check this one out.

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A lot of people believe dating apps ruined dating. They’re not entirely wrong. In this episode, Nick Notas and I explain why apps are problematic and what you can do to work around those problems.

If you’re exhausted by modern dating and want to learn how to date online more effectively, you don’t want to miss this episode.

Connect with Nick:
Website: https://www.nicknotas.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NickNotas
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@NickNotas

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Have you ever noticed that commitment can feel terrifying even when you’re with the right person? Yeah, me, too.

You spend your whole life looking for a compatible partner and when you finally find one, you feel deep anxiety.

If you’ve ever wondered why a healthy relationship can feel so uncomfortable, this episode will help you understand what’s really going on.

Check it out and let me know your thoughts.

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You’ve gone out with a guy who seemed like he had great potential. Chemistry. Common interests. Connection. Today, I want to explain why it’s easy to mistake a great date for a great boyfriend, and why only time reveals whether you’re actually compatible.

If you keep getting blindsided when a promising relationship goes sideways, this one’s for you.

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In this episode, I explain how insecurity can cause you to overreact to isolated incidents instead of paying attention to a man’s overall pattern of behavior.

If you’ve ever spiraled over something that later turned out to be a misunderstanding—or found yourself questioning a good relationship because of one bad moment—you’ll want to listen to this one all the way through.

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In the first episode of The Case for Love, Nick Notas and I talk about why both men and women blame the opposite sex, what men don’t understand about women, and why the advice you get from your algorithm makes things worse, not better.

If you’re frustrated, this episode will help you see the dating landscape more objectively, and maybe – just maybe – more optimistically, too.

Connect with Nick:
Website: https://www.nicknotas.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NickNotas
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@NickNotas

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In this episode, I explain why warmth matters more than competence when it comes to creating real connection, why some people are easy to be around, and how small signals can unintentionally create distance. I also walk you through the three things that make someone respond to you on a date.

If you’re not getting the response you want from the men you like the most, this episode explains what you can do differently.

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We all make compromises in relationships. But what happens when you make a compromise you can’t live with?

In this episode, I explain why saying yes when you mean no doesn’t keep the peace, it builds resentment. As you already know, letting small things slide has a way of creating much bigger problems down the road.

If you’ve ever gone along with something just to avoid conflict, I’ll help you figure out how to hold your boundaries without blowing up your relationship.

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You may have seen the New York Times story about a woman who fell in love with an AI chatbot and defended it as if it were a real relationship. In this episode, I explain why AI companions feel so satisfying, why that satisfaction is misleading, and why they ultimately cannot replace real human connection.

New York Times Article: https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000010796401/she-has-an-ai-lover-her-son-has-questions.html
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/quiz
💖 Book a call with Evan: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching
📷 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realevanmarckatz/

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In this episode, I explain why so many women hold on in relationships that aren’t giving them what they need, how “maybe someday” keeps you stuck, and why getting a ring from the wrong man won’t bring you the happiness you’re looking for.

If you’ve been waiting for your partner to become someone different, this episode will help you understand why it’s so hard to let go and how to move forward.

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Zach Brittle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio, to talk about why good relationships fall apart even when both people care deeply about each other. We get into why two-thirds of relationship conflicts never resolve, how negativity quietly poisons even strong marriages, and why working on yourself is the single best investment you can make in your relationship. If you’ve ever brushed past red flags while dating and wondered if they’d catch up with you later, this conversation is for you.

About Today’s Guest:
Zach has been teaching, mentoring, and counseling couples for nearly 20 years. He is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Washington, a Certified Gottman Therapist and a Relational Life Therapist. Zach is the host of Marriage Therapy Radio and the author of the bestselling relationship guide The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. His writings have been featured in Vanity Fair, Men’s Health, The New York Times, and The Washington Post. Zach has been happily married to his wife, Rebecca, for 25 of their 28 years together. They live in Seattle with their two adult daughters.

Where You Can Find Zach:
Website: https://zachbrittle.com/
Podcast: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en

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I spend most of my time answering questions about dating and relationships. But in this second Ask Me Anything episode of the Love U Podcast, I address: How I stay hopeful when things get hard, whether I can cook, my bucket list, what I love doing with my kids, how my business and beliefs have evolved over 23 years. I also open up about my wife’s health journey and share the meaning of life. Yeah, it’s a lot.

If you enjoyed the first AMA, I hope you like this one, too.

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You want a partner who fits into your world. That makes sense. But if you’re dating a highly successful man with friends, family, and passions, he has a full life too.

In this episode, I talk about why “power couples” sound great in theory but often fall apart in practice, and why one person usually ends up feeling like they come second.

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You want love, but you also have a full life, a career, friendships, and a packed schedule. And somehow, a relationship keeps getting pushed to the back burner.

In this episode, I talk about why so many successful women unintentionally leave no room for love in their lives, and what it actually takes to start making space for it again.

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You don’t want to get hurt. You don’t want to waste time. You scan his profile for red flags and ask him important questions up front – and, sure enough, no men are getting through your filter. Congratulations?

In this episode, I explain the difference between fear-based behavior and healthy boundaries, and why over-screening men can backfire.

If dating has felt frustrating, this episode will help you shift your approach and start seeing better results.

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In this episode, I break down why high-achieving men often approach relationships with an “acquisition mindset,” why they come on strong in the beginning, and why their effort can fade just as quickly.

If you’ve ever been swept off your feet by a wealthy guy, only to discover your relationship wasn’t as strong as your courtship, this episode will help you understand and avoid getting hurt again.

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I share a coaching story about a woman who broke up with a good boyfriend over an unspoken expectation. Fortunately, she was able to repair things but their disagreement revealed a lot about how her anxiety has dictated many of her past relationship interactions.

I’m not at all defending bad behavior; I’m reminding you that the good men who take on the job of “boyfriend” want to please you but they can’t always do things the way you want. If you’ve ever been frustrated that a man should have known what to do without you actually saying so, this episode will help you communicate with men so they WANT to do better.

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Are you rejecting yourself before men ever get the chance? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I explain how limiting beliefs can sabotage you.

“I’m a single mom.”
“I’m divorced.”
“I’m too old.”

These thoughts are partially true but they’re not universally true.

Dating isn’t about convincing everyone to want you; it’s about finding one man who loves you unconditionally..
Through real-world examples, I explain why limiting yourself is self-defeating and believing in yourself is the secret sauce to any future partnership.

If you’ve ever assumed some guys are “out of your league,” this episode will challenge you to think bigger.

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I spend most of my time answering questions about dating and relationships. Today, in this special Ask Me Anything episode of the Love U Podcast, I answer personal questions about my biggest fears, my childhood, my unrealized dreams, and a bunch of questions about being Jewish. If you’ve ever wondered who I am outside of “man who gives dating advice,” this episode shares things that only my wife knows about me. Hope you enjoy.

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That’s a provocative statement and I don’t literally mean it. However, I have noticed that women and men tend to experience rejection differently.

Men initiate more. They get ignored more. They understand that if they don’t reach out and make a move, nothing’s going to happen.

Women do, indeed, get painfully ghosted but because it happens less often than men’s daily rejection, it tends to hit women harder – and have a greater effect.

The episode digs into how sheer exposure shapes the way we see things, and why we all have to get good at rejection to succeed in love. Yes, even you.

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You slept with him. You got attached. Now you’re stuck trying to “make it work” – even when it’s clearly not working.

In this Love U Podcast, I explain why smart successful women get trapped in long-term relationships with men who never earned their commitment. If you’ve ever felt like the relationship depends entirely on your effort, this episode is your reminder that love shouldn’t be this hard.

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Men don’t like being directed or corrected. I’m no different.

The one thing I do that is different than most men is that I apologize – even when I don’t think I’m wrong.

In this Love U Podcast, I share one important skill that makes marriage work and teach you how to bring that same awareness into your own love life. When you lead with empathy and choose to stay connected over being right, you can have an amazing relationship.

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You loved him and tried everything but the relationship still fell apart. Now he’s back, promising he’s changed, saying this time will be different. Yeah, right.

In this Love U Podcast, I explain why giving second (and third and fourth) chances to men rarely leads to lasting love. If you have a history of holding onto hope for too long, this episode will help you move forward.

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Kate had four FaceTime dates scheduled in one weekend.

All four men flaked.

She was demoralized and turned to me to help reframe this latest disappointment.

In this Love U Podcast, I share the healthiest way to react to the depersonalized nature of online dating and see things from a confident, powerful perspective.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted by the dating scene, this episode will help you reset your expectations and keep you motivated to persevere.

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The world feels like it’s falling apart: inflation, politics, AI, you name it. But here’s the truth: while you can’t fix the chaos out there, you can build peace and love in your own life.

In this Love U Podcast, I share the inspiring stories of Debra and Jackie — two smart, successful women who stopped doom-scrolling and started focusing on what they could control. Their reward? One got a new boyfriend. The other has a new fiancé.

If you’re tired of anxiety and ready for love, this episode will show you how.
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/quiz
💖 Book a call with Evan: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching
📷 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realevanmarckatz/

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What does science say about why we love the way we do? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Justin Garcia, Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute and author of The Intimate Animal, to explore the real forces shaping modern relationships.

We talk about how hookup culture has evolved, why Gen Z craves connection more than casual sex, and how dating apps and AI are changing human instincts. If you’ve ever felt like something about dating today feels off, this conversation will help you understand why—and how to navigate it.

About Today’s Guest:
Justin R. Garcia, PhD, is an award-winning evolutionary biologist and authority on the science of sex and relationships, specializing in modern romance, dating trends, and sexual behavior. He has served as Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University since 2019, where he leads pioneering research and global collaborations. He is widely published in academic journals, he serves an advisor for Match, and frequently contributes to major news outlets such as the New York Times, NPR, and the Wall Street Journal. He is author of The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, and Why We Live and Die for Love.

Where You Can Find Justin:
Website: https://kinseyinstitute.org/about/staff/executive-director-justin-garcia.html
Instagram: DrJustinGarcia
LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/justingarcia/

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“There are no good men online.” I know it feels that way. It’s just not the full picture. In this Love U Podcast, I explain how false assumptions are causing you to eliminate great guys before you even get to know them.

You’ll learn how dating apps train you to swipe too fast, why minor flaws don’t mean incompatibility, and what happens when you start giving the “6’s” a chance. If you’re tired of feeling frustrated, this episode will help you shift your mindset and start making better choices in love.

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Living apart together sounds like a dream. A committed couple living in separate spaces. More freedom and fewer fights. What could be better? In this Love U Podcast, you’ll learn why this setup appeals to women who’ve been hurt before, how it can feel safer than marriage, and what you might be giving up without realizing it. If you’ve ever thought about having something like a marriage – without the marriage part – this episode casts a few doubts about whether this is ideal as it seems.

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In this episode, I explain why anxiety is your body’s way of telling you something’s off. Whether you’re walking on eggshells with a new guy or constantly overthinking your partner’s mixed signals, that tension isn’t “normal.” It’s a red flag. You’ll learn the difference between healthy excitement and relationship anxiety, how to know whether the problem is him or you, and what a calm, secure relationship actually feels like. If you’re tired of mistaking butterflies for love (they’re not!), this episode could change everything.

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Have you ever felt blindsided by a guy who seemed perfect for the first few weeks? He was flirty, attentive, and made you feel special…until you realized all he really wanted was sex.
In this Love U Podcast, I’ll show you how to tell the difference between a man who’s looking for a hookup, a girlfriend, or a future wife. You’ll learn why their early behavior is nearly indistinguishable and how to stop mistaking chemistry for compatibility. If you’re tired of confusing short-term courtship with long-term intention, this episode will give help you start investing in men who are actually investing in you.

In this episode:
• Why the first 45 days of dating are a terrible lie detector
• The difference between effort and commitment
• The three types of men you meet in early dating
• How women accidentally collapse the sorting process
• The behavioral tells most women miss
• How to let the right man reveal himself without guessing or interrogating

You’ll learn how to distinguish:
– The man who wants access to sex
– The man who wants companionship
– The man who wants partnership and marriage
This isn’t about outsmarting men or playing games.

It’s about stopping the reward of the wrong incentives — and letting time, consistency, and follow-through do the filtering for you.

That’s what it means to be the CEO of your love life.

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This episode is personal, because it has to be. But what I really learned in 2025 isn’t just about me. It’s about what happens to people when the world changes faster than our values, our nervous systems, and our expectations can keep up. These eight things are my experience in 2025 but they’re also reflections of the moment we’re all living in.

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What happens when you go from burned out on dating to happily married? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I catch up with Shivani, a former Love U client with a PhD in computer science who once believed there were no good men left. We talk about how she overcame cultural pressures, rejection, and her own limiting beliefs to find a husband. If you’ve ever felt like giving up on love, this story will inspire you to keep going.

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This week, I coach Michelle, an independent woman in her early 50s who keeps committing too quickly before discovering the guy isn’t a long-term fit. Together, we break down why early chemistry can blind you, and how dating like a CEO changes everything. If you’ve been treating men like your boyfriend before he’s earned the right to that title, this episode will reset how you date forever.

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In this Love U Podcast, I talk with Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at Google and author of Solve for Happy. We dig into why endless choice creates confusion and how most daters misunderstand their own patterns. Mo shares his personal journey through marriage, loss, midlife dating, and a recent separation, and explains how those experiences inspired Emma.love, his new AI project built to help people understand themselves before choosing a partner.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series: https://extraordinaryloveseries.com/
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/quiz
💖 Book a call with Evan: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching
📷 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realevanmarckatz/

About Today’s Guest:

Mo Gawdat is the former Chief Business Oﬃcer at Google, author, podcast host, and founder of the One Billion Happy movement. Driven by a passion for solving humanity’s biggest challenges, Mo has cofounded more than 20 companies and mentored countless startups. After the loss of his son Ali, he developed the happiness model at the heart of his bestselling book Solve for Happy (2017), sparking his global mission to make one billion people happy.

He went on to launch Slo Mo: A Podcast with Mo Gawdat (2020), now a leading mental health podcast. His book Scary Smart (2021) predicted the rise of AI, and establishing him as one of the world’s most respected AI experts. He followed with That Little Voice in Your Head (2022), Unstressable (2024), and Alive (2025), all international bestsellers.

In 2025, Mo also introduced Emma.love, an ambitious AI project to help people ﬁnd and sustain genuine love.

Where You Can Find Mo:
Website: https://emma.love/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mo_gawdat/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Mo.Gawdat.Official/
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/mogawdat
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MoGawdatOfficial

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Sabrina Bendory, author of Detached: How to Let Go, Heal, and Become Irresistible, to explore what healthy detachment looks like. We talk about why your anxious attachment might be sabotaging your love life, and how to reclaim your power without closing your heart. Sabrina shares powerful insights on how to stop clinging to the wrong men, soothe your fears of abandonment, and become magnetic to emotionally available partners.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in anxiety, chasing love instead of attracting it, or fearing you’ll end up alone, this conversation will teach you how to move forward.

About Today’s Guest:
I’m thrilled to be joined by Sabrina Bendory, relationship coach, writer, and author of the upcoming book Detached: How to Let Go, Heal, and Become Irresistible. For years, she’s been teaching women how to stop clinging to unhealthy patterns and step into a calmer, more empowered love life. Her work blends psychological insight with real-world tools, empowering readers to heal from past wounds and create healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Sabrina is the author of several best-selling books and guides on dating, detachment, and emotional resilience. Her work has been featured in top publications, including Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, Newsweek, NY Post, and many more.

Through her writing, courses, and private coaching, Sabrina has helped thousands of people stop chasing love and start attracting it by becoming their most grounded, magnetic selves.

Today, we’re going to dive into detachment and attachment styles, the pull of an ex, and the big fears that hold women back—fear of ending up alone, of being abandoned, and of being betrayed. Most importantly, we’ll talk about how to let go without giving up on love.”

Where You Can Find Sabrina:
Website: https://sabrinabendory.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sabrinabendory
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@SabrinaBendory

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Have you ever pushed down your feelings to keep the peace? This Love U Podcast will show you the cost of staying silent. In it, I share why ignoring anxiety, discontent, and loneliness keeps you stuck with the wrong men and cut off from the love you deserve. You’ll learn how listening to your emotions instead of dismissing them is the first step toward finding a healthy relationship. If you’re ready to stop pretending everything’s fine and start trusting your feelings, today’s episode will be a powerful turning point in your life.

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If you’ve ever written someone off for having different beliefs, this episode will make you think twice. From politics and religion to conspiracy theories and spirituality, I unpack how character, kindness, and consistency are what determine relationship success. You’ll hear stories about my best friend, my wife, and the clients who discovered that good behavior – not identical beliefs – is the key to a happy marriage.

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Are your high standards keeping you safe or keeping you single? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I coach Diana, an independent woman with a long list of accomplishments and a long list of dating disappointments. Despite her clarity in most areas of life, Diana struggles to find the elusive combination of chemistry and compatibility. Together, we dig into the hidden costs of perfectionism, the pressure to perform on dates, and the self-sabotage that stems from not trusting your own feelings. If you’ve ever wondered why dating feels like work, this episode is your wake-up call. I’ll show you how to date with joy and finally become the chooser in your love life.

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Do you feel you give too much in your relationships? Probably. In this episode, I break down why doing more doesn’t lead to deeper love. It leads to exhaustion. You’ll learn why overgiving is common for smart, successful women and how it keeps you stuck with men who take without giving back. If you’re tired of feeling unappreciated, this is your wake-up call. The problem isn’t that you give too much; the problem is that you’ve been giving to the wrong men.

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Are you moving too fast in love?

Probably. In this episode, I break down why rushing into sex and relationships can lead to heartache, even when it feels like the right thing to do. You’ll learn why pacing is the key to smarter dating, and what science says about the relationship between speed and long-term success (it’s not good!).

If you want to avoid repeating past mistakes, this episode will help you slow down, date deliberately, and build the kind of love that lasts. Tune in now for a powerful reality check.

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What if lasting love isn’t about finding the perfect match, but mastering repair? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I talk with Jayson Gaddis, founder of the Relationship School. We explore how early friction can reveal compatibility, what it means to take ownership in a fight, and why emotional maturity—not chemistry—determines whether a relationship succeeds. If you’ve ever wondered whether to work on a relationship or walk away, this conversation will change how you see conflict, connection, and commitment.

About Today’s Guest:
Jayson Gaddis is an artist, author, podcaster, speaker, executive coach, CEO, founder, human behavior specialist and relationship expert. He is the creator of Interpersonal Intelligence® and Present Centered Relationship Coaching® and has trained over 200 coaches in 11 countries. His book Getting to Zero: How to work Through Conflict In Your High Stakes Relationships was voted Editors Choice, Best non-fiction, and Best Leadership and Business book in 2021 on Amazon. He’s been married to his amazing wife since 2007 and has two beautiful kids. When he doesn’t live and breathe this relationship stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him.

Jayson believes that the world will be a better place if we just knew how to effectively work out our differences – and he teaches that hidden within all relationship pain are the seeds of you getting more empowered in your life.

Where You Can Find Jayson:
Website: https://relationshipschool.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaysongaddis

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If you’ve been hurt before, it makes sense to be cautious. But what happens when protecting yourself becomes the very thing that keeps love out? In this episode, I unpack what it really looks like to date with your guard up and how fear of getting hurt often turns into self-sabotage. I’ll show you how good men respond to emotional walls, and why the right guy doesn’t want to feel like he has to scale one just to get close. If you’re ready to stop treating dating like a test and start building real connections, this episode will illustrate how to let love in.

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“Where can I meet a good guy?”

It’s the question I get more than any other.

But what if that question is keeping you stuck?

In this episode, I challenge the belief that your love life would improve if you just moved to a better city, downloaded the right app, or stumbled into the perfect meetup. The truth is, good men are everywhere. The real problem is how you choose them.

If you’ve ever jumped into a relationship too fast or ignored early red flags because the chemistry felt rare, this episode will hit home.

You’ll learn how to slow things down, trust your judgment, and finally feel like the CEO of your love life.

Listen now and start choosing better men, no matter where you meet them.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Book a call with Evan
📷 Follow me on Instagram

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Think you’re being smart and self-protective in dating? You might be. But you also might be scaring off the exact men you’re hoping to attract. In this episode, I share a new concept that may change how you show up with men. You’ll learn why emotionally available men might not be drawn to you, how your energy affects the guys who stick around, and how this same pattern plays out in men.

If you’re tired of attracting the wrong guys and wondering why the right ones disappear, this episode will give you a whole new perspective.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Book a call with Evan
📷 Follow me on Instagram

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What if your success is the very thing keeping you stuck in love?

In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Keren Eldad—executive coach, TED speaker, and author of The Gilded Cage—to explore how high-achieving women accidentally sabotage their happiness. We dive into the costs of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and chasing external validation, and how these patterns show up in relationships. Keren shares her story of breaking free from an abusive marriage and finding clarity around what real love looks like. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right but still missing the relationship you deserve, this powerful episode will help you see things differently.

About Today’s Guest:
A thought leader in the coaching world, Keren Eldad (“Coach Keren”) specializes in taking high achievers out of the futility of constant pursuit and into the greatest levels of success and fulfillment. Her coaching clients include Olympic athletes, politicians, Hollywood stars, supermodels, Special Forces operatives and serial entrepreneurs, as well as renowned global organizations such as Estée Lauder, J.P. Morgan, and Nike… She is also the founder of THE CLUB, a community of leaders, entrepreneurs and coaches who encourage and support each other to reach their fullest potential and make their greatest contribution.

Recognized as a Top Ten Executive Coach by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), Real Leaders Magazine, & Goop, Keren maintains gold-standard coaching credentials on top of her advanced academic degrees from The London School of Economics and the University of Jerusalem. She is also a former C-suite executive, who has lived and worked in 17 countries and on four continents, and now coaches leaders all around the globe in four languages: English, Spanish, Hebrew and French. With half a million views on her TEDx talks, and speaking engagements all over the world, Keren’s message seems to transcend borders. She hopes it resonates with you.

Coach Keren resides in Austin, Texas, with her husband, Ryan, and many beloved pets.

Where You Can Find Keren:
Website: https://kereneldad.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachkeren
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keren-eldad/

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Book a call with Evan
📷 Follow me on Instagram

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In this episode, I reveal the single most important dating skill that every smart, successful woman needs to master: learning to walk away early. Using a current client as an example, I’ll show you how to spot dead ends before they derail your love life. Stop investing in men who aren’t investing in you.If you’re tired of falling for potential and want to date smarter, this episode is your wake-up call. Stop investing in men who aren’t investing in you.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Book a call with Evan
📷 Follow me on Instagram

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Ever found yourself on a third or fourth date with a guy you’re not even into… just because he’s nice (or cute)? In this episode, I unpack why so many smart, empathetic women stay out of guilt, fear, or people-pleasing. You’ll learn the difference between being kind and being honest, why slow fading is cruel, and how breaking things off fast is an act of compassion. If you struggle to set boundaries or let go of guys, this episode is your wake-up call.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Book a call with Evan
*📷 Follow me on Instagram*

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Ever get excited about a great first date, only to spiral into trying to predict the future? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I reveal why trying to figure out if he’s “The One” too soon can sabotage your connection. Learn how to stay present, pace the relationship, and still spot red flags early enough to walk away from the wrong guys. I’ll show you how to hold two truths at once: don’t rush to label him your soulmate, but don’t ignore signs that he’s not right either. If you’ve ever struggled to balance hope with healthy skepticism, this episode will bring you clarity and peace of mind. Tune in now.

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Are your dating standards helping you or quietly sabotaging your love life? In this Love U Podcast, I unpack the hidden rulebook many women carry about how men should behave and why it’s getting in the way of real connection. You’ll hear six common behaviors women often misinterpret as red flags, how to rethink the idea of “wrong” versus “different,” and why letting go of rigid expectations can open the door to lasting love. If you’ve ever written someone off for something small or struggled to balance chemistry with compatibility, this episode will help you shift your mindset and make smarter choices in dating.

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What if aging made you more desirable, not less? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Chip Conley—author, entrepreneur, and founder of the Modern Elder Academy—to talk about love, identity, and reinvention in the second half of life. We explore the difference between aging and “saging,” how men experience loneliness and intimacy, and why dating in midlife offers a deeper kind of connection. Chip shares his own lessons on grief, self-worth, and emotional fluency—and how women can stop internalizing cultural myths about becoming invisible. If you’ve ever wondered whether your best years in love are behind you, this conversation will shift your mindset and open your heart.

About Today’s Guest:
Chip Conley is on a midlife mission. After disrupting the hospitality industry twice, first as the founder of Joie de Vivre Hospitality, the second-largest operator of boutique hotels in the U.S., and then as Airbnb’s Head of Global Hospitality and Strategy, leading a worldwide revolution in travel, Conley co-founded MEA (Modern Elder Academy) in January 2018 in Baja California, Mexico. Inspired by his experience of intergenerational mentoring as a ‘modern elder’ at Airbnb, where his guidance was instrumental to the company’s extraordinary transformation from fast-growing start-up to the world’s most valuable hospitality brand, MEA is the world’s first ‘midlife wisdom school’ and has a 2,600-acre regenerative horse ranch in Santa Fe, New Mexico which opened in May 2024. Dedicated to reframing the concept of aging, MEA supports students to navigate midlife with a renewed sense of purpose and possibility. A New York Times bestselling author, Conley’s 7th book “Learning to Love Midlife: 12 Reasons Why Life Gets Better with Age” is about rebranding midlife to help people understand the upside of this often-misunderstood life stage and he was asked to give a 2023 TED talk on the “midlife chrysalis.”

Where You Can Find Chip:

LinkedIN: www.linkedin.com/in/chipconleysf/
Instagram: @chipconley
Facebook: @chipconley
Youtube: @TheMidlifeChrysalisPodcast

Website: meawisdom.com
chipconley.com

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What if your biggest fear in dating isn’t rejection—it’s investing time, money, and hope into change…only to feel like nothing works? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I share a powerful conversation with a client who overcame that exact fear and discovered why success in love is never about luck. We’ll explore how to break free from dating inertia, replace limiting beliefs, and build the confidence to attract the right man. You’ll learn why results come from deliberate action, not passive hope—and why fear of failure is the very thing keeping you stuck. Listen in and find out how to take control of your love life starting today.

What You’ll Hear:

Why fear of failure — not men — is the #1 reason women hesitate to invest in dating coaching.
The truth about my 100% success rate (and what “success” really means in Love U).
How coaching differs from therapy, self-help books, and passive dating advice.
The three biggest transformations I can virtually guarantee in six months of working together.
Why “doing nothing” guarantees the same disappointing results you’ve been getting.
How building dating confidence affects every other part of your life.
Why dating is a skill — and how to master it with structure, accountability, and practice.
The “Biggest Loser” metaphor for personal growth and why small wins still count as success.
My own history of repeated failure — and why it made me better at love (and at coaching).
A pep talk for taking action now so you can create the love you deserve.

Full Episode Transcript:
Exciting episode today. Sincerely excited because it’s different. It’s not just dating advice today.

This is much larger. So, I’m really going to encourage you to stick around. And this is based on a conversation I had with a current client who’s working through her fear of failure.

So, the truth that I understand about most people who are listening to the Love U podcast right now is that they would invest their hard-earned money for dating coaching. They’re not worried that I’m an unethical operator. Their biggest fear that, again, I’m discovering late in life, their biggest fear is that they’re going to hire me as a coach and nothing is going to change.

So, if you’ve ever listened to this podcast and thought, maybe I should hire him, but I’m really worried that it’s not going to work, I want you to listen to this podcast and I want you to hear why I have a 100% success rate. Stick around. My name is Evan Marc Katz.

This is the Love U podcast. I thank you for listening. If you haven’t already, subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, leave us a positive review, go and tell a friend about us.
We’re making a small difference in our corner of the internet here. Just a reminder that next installment of the Extraordinary Love Series is this Wednesday. I’m doing a Zoom call followed by a live Q&A.

The topic is what high-quality men want in a long-term partner. If you haven’t already, go to extraordinaryloveseries.com, register for free, and I’ll see you in class. It should be a lot of fun.

So, a few months ago, I did an episode of this podcast on fear, why it’s a real thing, but fear is always the problem and never the solution. So, we just have to kind of talk about fear because it undergirds every conversation about dating, relationships, sex, and men. It’s generally not men that my clients are afraid of.

It’s failure. It’s putting themselves in another situation, making themselves emotionally vulnerable, and ending up right back where they started, right? Feeling bad about themselves, feeling bad about their prospects, feeling bad about men. So, we can understand the thought process here.

What if I give everything to this process and I still end up alone? What if I do the work and nothing changes? So, any person who’s listening to this podcast has thought of that, but it’s not entirely different than the why would I go on this diet or why would I hire this personal trainer? Why would I go to a shrink, right, when I’ve been depressed on and off for my whole life? It’s the assumption that nothing ever changes, and that’s not true. We know that’s not true. You’re a different person than you were five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago.

You’ve changed and evolved. Maybe this one issue hasn’t sorted itself out, but things change all the time and we have the capacity to change all the time. So, let’s acknowledge that fear of some process not working, any process not working, is valid and understand that no one in my shoes ever gives a money-back guarantee.

I don’t think they can give a money-back guarantee. No more than your lawyer can guarantee that they win your case or your shrink could stop you from being anxious or a doctor gives their money back if you come to the ER and there’s a complication. In a service-based business, you provide your work.

So, why does anybody hire those people? Why would I hire a general contractor to redo something in my backyard? Well, it’s because that person has a body of work and they’ve proven to do it time and again and they come recommended by someone else and I can’t necessarily do it myself. So, that’s why we hire specialists. We pay big money for specialists.
I don’t want to tell you how much my backyard cost. So, the question isn’t whether someone’s going to do their best or do their job competently, it’s whether you’re going to be happy with the results. That’s the important part.

You got to be happy with the results. So, I’m going to bring this back to you listening right now. Smart, strong, successful woman, decades of dating and relationship disappointments in your past, not confident based on your life experience that anything is going to work.

Most of your relationships are a testament to how relationships and men are ultimately disappointing and make you feel maybe it’s better to be alone than to be in another bad relationship. We’ve talked about that a million times on this podcast. It’s the middle.

Well, being alone and not getting hurt by a guy is better than being devastated by a guy, so I think I’m going to be alone. And what we never do is avail ourselves to the possibility that, oh, I could actually be happy with a guy. Relationships don’t have to end up in disappointment or failure.

That’s a huge concept, the idea that, oh, of course it’s better to be alone than to be in a relationship where I’m verbally abused and neglected. Well, sure, that’s a no-brainer, but that’s mostly like getting rid of a disease. Well, now you’re better off than you were before.

We want to get you to a higher plane. And so, all of this work that we’re doing is about the idea of taking you to a higher plane. And so, everybody who’s listening, and again, I’ve been doing this for 22 years, I mention that a lot because it’s on my mind a lot.

I have a blog that’s got 35 million plus readers. This podcast has reached 3 million people. You know I’m not working with 35 million people or 3 million people, right? I’m working with a tiny, tiny percentage of people, most of whom have never, like most of the listeners have never hired me.

So, they couldn’t possibly know whether this would work for them, right? But structured, immersive dating coaching done right is very much different than whatever you’ve been doing on your own. Therapy, self-help books, Instagram reels. So, if you’re sort of like listening to this over and over week after week and nodding your head and feeling a little triggered and challenged sometimes but knowing that ultimately I’m just trying to speak my truth and try to be compassionate to where you’re at and show you a way out and flip your negative to a positive.

So, we’d start with a rhetorical question if you’re afraid that working together would not work, right? What’s the alternative? The alternative is what you’re doing right now. Maybe doing nothing, not dating at all, sort of hoping that the right guy meets you in real life through your normal interactions. Maybe swipe sometimes, maybe just sort of stay stuck learning about dating and relationships, listening, working on yourself, right? And it’s all very passive, which is fine.

There’s a time in your life to be passive. There’s a time in your to heal. But understand that what we do here is far more than hand me a man, right? This is about self-awareness, right? You understanding you, your belief system, how you show up in the world, what you think of guys, how you show up on dates and within relationships and you communicate.

It’s about replacing limiting beliefs with more powerful and effective ones. It’s about recognizing patterns that we’re all too close to see our own patterns, right? How do we know that? Think about one of your friends, right? One of your single friends. Why is she still single? You know the answer to that question.

You don’t have to be a dating coach to do it. So, we could always see people more clearly than they can see themselves. That’s the value of having a respected third party.
And it’s about learning to trust yourself. The thing I see most with women is not that you don’t like yourself. Most of my women have confidence in either their kindness, their intelligence, their work ethic, their acumen, their friendships, their parenting skills.

I work with women who have confidence in every arena except this one arena, dating relationships and men. So, we need to restore your confidence to this arena so you could be the kind of person who gets a quality man to want to commit his life to you. Confidence is a really attractive quality.

And when you’ve been hollowed out by bad relationships, it’s hard to have confidence. It’s a bit of a negative feedback loop. So, when people come here, you know, I use for YouTube people, you could see, I always use a post-it note.

We talk about a post-it note and the post-it note is the destination. It’s where you’re going. So, when people come to me, they’re generally stuck and we need to get them unstuck and on the road to success.

So, I would ask you if you came to me as your coach, and again, this is the real solicitation. You could listen to this podcast for free in perpetuity. But if you came to me for coaching for six months, one year, by the end of our time together, you didn’t meet your husband, but you stopped choosing emotionally unavailable men, you set healthier boundaries, you were more confident in your ability to date online and communicate your needs.

Was our effort a failure or was it a success? And that thing that I just mentioned to you is something I can virtually guarantee to everybody. That if you and I work together for six months, you will be less anxious, you will be less negative, you’ll be more confident in your ability to attract a quality man, weed out the bad ones, and make the right one want to stick around forever. I just can’t tell you when that man comes along.

So, the what if I fail thing, which again is always lurking underneath this talk about dating relationships and men, is what if I fail? Well, the counter arguments are pretty simple. I’m going to run down them. Again, I know when I’m doing this, I’m using logic rather than emotion.

Emotion is more powerful. Risk aversion is more powerful. I would rather not date at all than to take the chance of opening my heart and be in love.

I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than to admit I need help and hire a dating coach. That’s far more emotion than logic because nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their life. But then again, nobody wants to hire a dating coach either.

Because what if I fail? You see how these things tie together. So, right now you’re not where you want to be. So, if you’re not where you want to be right now, doing nothing pretty much guarantees that you stay on the same path.

That’s inertia. That’s everybody, definition of insanity. Clarity is power, whether you recognize that or not.

Once we work together, you know what kind of man works for you, what kind of man is a waste of time. You take the principles that you’re learning from the Love U podcast in Love U and you apply them in your real life. So, it’s not just book learning.

No more than reading about washboard abs is the same as having washboard abs. You’re actually applying it and you have someone who’s holding you accountable to it. Then the idea that when you learn all of this, when you know as much as I know about dating and relationships, sincerely.

You could practice law for 20 years and there’s still a growth curve. If you’re taking my course and you’re working with me, I could teach you literally everything I know in six months. Then you will know as much as I do, which is cool.

My expertise goes really deep on one narrow, narrow subject. So, that’s the exciting part is you will have the confidence and the clarity to be your own dating coach by the time we’re done working together. That is a gift.

That is the gift that keeps on giving. That is teaching a woman to fish rather than catching a fish for her. Also, by doing dating coaching, you gain experience.

A lot of people, again, are kind of like armchair experts. They’ll read and they’ll go to therapy and they’ll heal, but they don’t actually get boots on the ground experience.

here’s a lot of dating coaches who don’t insist on dating.

They do some sort of therapy. They’ll talk about who hurt you in the past and your attachment style. It’s all past stuff, which is relevant.

We’ll spend about the first month of coaching on your past and on your confidence. Then we’re going to start dating because if you go on a date a week between now and the time we’re done working together, you’re going to find a guy that you like if you do the things that I ask you to do. It will happen.

It’s not if it’ll happen. It’s when it’ll happen. A lot of people like dating, the idea of finding love in theory, but don’t want to put it into practice.

When people come to me, there’s accountability. You have to put it into practice. If I’m the personal trainer, you kind of have to come to the gym.

You can’t just read the book at home. Then you also stop outsourcing the most important thing in your life to luck. That’s what most people want, like winning the lottery, like a safe with money coming down.

That’s miraculous. It’s wonderful if that happens. I don’t like that model to build wealth.

I want to be more on top of my own income and savings in 401k and 529 and all the things that I do to make sure my family is secure. It’s much more systemized and strategic and a slow burn. That is exactly what dating and relationships are.

It’s building up that muscle instead of sort of hoping to get lucky. That very, very passive way that most people try to approach love is essentially luck. I’m just going to live my life and I’m going to go to pick a ball and I’m going to go to salsa and if I meet him, fine.

If I don’t meet him, fine. How many dates did you go on with that strategy last year? One? Two? You’ve gone on two dates. You work with me, I’ll get you on a date a week.

Which is going to produce results faster? Seems pretty obvious. What if you keep on doing what you’re doing for the next five years, for the next 10 years? What if you’re like the woman I mentioned in the last podcast who joined my mailing list and listened to me for 10 years, went from 50 to 60? It is harder to meet men when you’re 60 than when you’re 50. It’s harder to meet men when you’re 50 than when you’re 40.

We know this. There’s literally no better time than the present, presuming you’re in a decent place in your life and you’re healthy and you’re financially secure, of course. But there’s no better time than the present to have the highest market value, I hate to even use those terms, to the kind of men that you want.

So you don’t want to miss out on love. It’s out there. There is some guy out in the universe who has no idea you exist and he can’t find you because you’re not dating.

You’re a product that’s not advertising yourself actively and you’re wondering why nobody’s buying your product. So my job is to help you market your product in the most effective way so that your target market wants to buy it and does. That’s a very, very achievable goal and we get to do it here all the time.

Go to my website, go to Love U love stories, read for yourself. There’s a hundred wedding photos on there. I have 500 more where that came from, where people won’t let me use their photos because no one wants to admit they had a dating coach.

So believe you me, this is not an if, this will make a difference. It’s a when. So there’s no failure in seeking love with intention and we know this about everything else.

You don’t want to be the what if person. What if I tried out for the school play? What if I wrote that novel? What if I asked for the race? You never want to be the what if person. You want to raise your bar high because if you raise your bar high, the worst thing if you raise your bar up here is that you achieve here.

But you grow, you evolve, you become the kind of person that attracts the kind of man that you’ve always wanted. But it doesn’t happen by thinking it, it only happens by doing. So I always use a bunch of broken metaphors in my work.

You’ve heard it here before. So I’ll use the biggest loser metaphor. Now I know better than to ever compare my clients to the biggest loser.

So again, it’s the TV show The Biggest Loser where people go on and they’re 300 pounds and they have a personal trainer for like 10 weeks. So imagine they went to a personal trainer for like 10 weeks and in those 10 weeks you lose 100 pounds. So my question for you is are you a success or are you a failure? I think you’re a success.

Like obviously you lost 100 pounds in 10 weeks. Maybe you’re not bikini ready yet. Maybe you’re not going to win the Miss America contest the way it’s designed.

But if you’ve gone from 300 pounds to lost 100 pounds in 10 weeks, you’ve proven that you can take action, you can do hard things, that you can diet and exercise and see a tangible result if you stick with the process. So maybe I’m foolish or naive or wired a little bit differently. But I am far more comfortable, and this is me, Evan, trying, failing, learning, growing than the alternative, doing nothing, wondering what could be and regretting that nothing ever changes.

And failure is like that’s my default setting in life. I got fired from every job I ever had in my 20s. I wrote a dozen screenplays that didn’t sell and didn’t make me a dollar.
I went out with 300 women over 10 years of trying to get to where I am now. So I really, really know failure. I’m comfortable with it.

But what happened? I turned all of those failures, and it’s not to be self-aggrandizing, I turned all of those failures into a success, a career in writing, different than the writing I started with, but a career in writing, a career where I don’t have a boss and I can’t get fired. I get to make a difference on my own terms, and I get to talk about all the mistakes that I made in the process of dating 300 people to be evolved enough to choose my wife to have a happy marriage. So I’m like the luckiest guy in the world.

But it wasn’t luck. It wasn’t a thing that happened to me. It was a thing that I did.

And it was driven because I was more afraid of being alone for the rest of my life than I was afraid of failing at dating and relationships. That’s why I kept on going out with one or two people a week for 10 years. The goal of having a partner who loved me unconditionally was the most important thing by far.

So I know this whole thing comes off as a plug for my services. I get that. And I know that’s not necessarily like a good look, but it’s not about you hiring me.

This is about the pep talk. This is about the call to action. This is about being optimistic and love.

This is about smiling at strangers. This is about dating online with regularity. It’s about opening your heart instead of closing it.

It’s about trying different people on for size and seeing who fits and what surprises you. It’s about doing anything different than you’ve been doing or that you’re doing right now so you can meet a great partner and have a really great life. So if something I said inspires you to do something without me, great.

Go do it. And if you want a step-by-step template and someone holding your hand through the process because it is sometimes daunting and scary and we all have blind spots and fears, I’d be honored to hold your hand through that process. Go to evanmarckatz.com/now, book a time to talk with me and I will show you the way.

Just don’t be afraid of what happens when you reach out to me. I’m the safest guy in the world. I am not going to let you down.

You are not going to fail. You’re going to experience things. You’re going to grow.

You’re going to get more confident, more self-aware, more experienced, more discerning, more boundaries. You’re going to transform yourself as a human being and it’s going to filter down to every single aspect of your life, relationships with your parents, with your kids, with the people at work and especially your romantic relationships. My name is Evan Marc Katz.

This is the Love U Podcast. I thank you for listening to me today. I know it’s a lot easier to sell a podcast that’s five texts that you could send that are going to make him crave you.

I just don’t like to do those. I just don’t like that. I think they’re dumb.

Sorry all the people who do five texts that’ll make him crave you. I’ve probably done something like that but I really don’t like doing stuff like that. I like doing stuff like this because it’s more real.

It’s more authentic. It goes deeper and it cuts to the root of why so many more people watch and listen to my stuff than actually hire me and I’m doing fine. Don’t worry about me but for your sake do something.

Don’t listen and do nothing because I really want you to have the love that you deserve. That’s all I got for today. Don’t forget to subscribe.

Don’t forget to leave us positive reviews, whatever one does at the end of a podcast. Most importantly, believe that love is worth it. It is.

I’m surrounded by love every day. My wife, my kids, my clients, the people who are having success in these programs. I could do my next podcast.

I could do three success stories with clients that I’m working with right now. I’m not going to do that because I have another one scripted but just know you have the opportunity to take control of your life. I want you to take that opportunity for you.

That’s all I got. I didn’t mention the Extraordinary Love series. I did at the top but extraordinaryloveseries.com. If you join, I’ll see you on Wednesday and be able to answer your questions about how you could attract a high-value man.

That should be a fun conversation as well. Have a great day. Bye-bye.

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🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
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Ever wonder if it’s possible to start over—emotionally, romantically, even financially—at 60? In this episode, I talk with Victoria, a powerhouse of resilience who walked away from a 30-year marriage, faced down fear, and built a brand-new life from the ground up. We explore what it really takes to leave a relationship that looks fine on the outside but feels empty on the inside, how to trust yourself again after decades of self-doubt, and why reinvention isn’t just possible—it’s powerful. If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re too old or too late for lasting love, Victoria’s story will show you what’s possible when you finally put yourself first.

What You’ll Hear:

I talk with Victoria, a sharp, 72-year-old Love U graduate from Phoenix, who rebuilt her life and love story after a 30-year marriage ended in her 60s.
You’ll hear how she went from terrified and isolated post-divorce to confidently dating—and why she rejected the belief that women over 60 are “undesirable.”
We discuss why opening yourself up to men from different backgrounds (not just your “type”) can lead to unexpected, fulfilling connections.
Victoria shares the powerful mindset shift that helped her let go of “good guys” who weren’t a true fit—without guilt, drama, or wasting years.
We explore how she learned to embrace her feminine side and allow men to “do for her,” even though she’s perfectly capable on her own.
You’ll hear the story of meeting her current partner online at 68, navigating a long-distance relationship, and creating a deep, mutual adoration.
We unpack why “easy” and “agreeable” are underrated traits in a partner—and how to look beneath the surface to find lasting compatibility.
Victoria reveals what she wishes her younger self knew about choosing the right man, and why she believes love is possible at any age.
Finally, she explains how Love U’s community and male perspective on dating helped her rewrite her relationship future.

Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, dating and relationship coach for smart, strong, successful women, your personal trainer for love. Welcome back to the Love U podcast, where you can learn everything there is to know about dating and relationships, sex and men from a man’s point of view. If you are a regular listener, do me a solid subscribe on whatever platform you’re on, YouTube, Spotify, Apple, I think.

Write a positive review, say something, tell a friend. It really makes a difference. I read all the reviews.

They make me happy. I have nothing to promote today. There’s no sale.

There’s nothing big going on. The big thing going on is that I am doing the latest in my series of interviews with former Love U members. Today’s interview is with a very special friend.

Her name is Victoria. Victoria, welcome to the Love U podcast. Thank you, Evan.

We’ve been talking for a half hour prior to this because the gardener with the leaf blower was in my backyard. It feels strange to start a conversation when we’ve already been in mid conversation covering a lot of ground. I’m really excited because Victoria, out of everybody that I’ve ever worked with, has a really, really strong voice.

She’s almost like a second coach in my private Love U Facebook group. She does some of the dirty work that I don’t want to do sometimes. She’s someone whose opinion really, really matters to me.

For those listening, I think even though she’s a stranger to you, you should listen to her as well. Before we get into why she’s such a special Love U graduate, I’d love to get a sense of who you are. I don’t even know the answer to this because of our professional relationship.

Where are you from originally? Where do you live now? How did you become you? I was born in North Carolina. I’ve lived in 12 states in the United States, all over the place, southeast, midwest. Now I’m in the southwest.

I’m from a pretty normal kind of academic family. Brothers, sisters, suburban upbringing, good girl, straight A’s. My medical school father was a naturalist and kept us in the woods a lot when we were little.

Of all the kids, he picked me to go to law school because he wanted a lawyer in the family. I was the obedient kid and I did that. I was married for 30 years and that evaporated.

That was a big shock to me. I needed a rebuild. I needed to rebuild my health, my location, my home, and then my love life.

That’s how I came to you. We’ll get there, I promise. If you’re comfortable, would you share how old you are and where you live? I’m 72 and I live in Phoenix, Arizona.

You take Love U 2016, if I recall. I think it was the first one. Then it would have been 2015, but okay.

Yeah, it was in the first one. We’re going to get there in a second, but prior to that, you get divorced after 30 years. How old were you at the time? 60.

And who left whom? Wonderful relationship for 20 years. The last 10, it was really bad and I should have left sooner. He precipitated the divorce.

Got it. In retrospect, where did it go wrong? Where is he to blame? Where are you responsible at all for how it fell apart? It’s interesting. I do not now see it as blame.

I think that whoever you fall in love with when you’re 22 or 25 is a different man than you’ll fall in love with when you’re 32 or 35. It’s probably a different man when you’re 45, probably a different man when you’re 65, probably a different man when you’re 80. And you have to either grow together or cycle through men.

Kind of, but I think it’s also a process of learning who you are and what you want. I have four children and are you kidding me? How did I raise four children and get everybody fed and get everybody to all their stuff? You are in survival mode a lot and it’s a joyful survival mode. It’s a raucous experience with a bunch of kids and you’re parenting together and you bond together over that and you might lose a little of the connection that you had when there weren’t any of those kiddos around and when it was just the two of you and when you had your own dreams.

And so I think women lose some of that over time and men don’t particularly step up and say, Hey, you’ve lost a little bit of yourself. What are we going to do about that? They’re off doing their own thing. And so I think it’s very, because we don’t train anybody in how to sustain a relationship.

And my parents were married until they died and had a loving relationship, but nobody taught me the details. I wasn’t behind the doors and I wasn’t really paying attention. I was a kid, being a kid, right? Wendy Lund.

And so in that marriage, the last 10 years, what was going on? We had gone in our separate directions professionally and also with hobbies and still going to kids baseball games and taking this one to college and driving this horse across country so that one could go horse show. We didn’t make time for each other. And I think we also grew to very different places.

And maybe that was growing into more of who we each were. And maybe we didn’t really belong together anymore, which I do now believe. I think, I think certainly he would say that he couldn’t make me happy.

And I would not have admitted that then. But it’s true. He couldn’t make me happy.

I had to make me happy. And then I had to go find the man at this time in my life that gives me what I wanted, needed, felt I didn’t have. I think more compatibility in on some real fundamental levels that I couldn’t have even identified when I was young, because in my family, doctor, lawyer, pharmacist is what you’re allowed to be.

And it wasn’t said, but that’s kind of what you’re allowed to marry also. And so that sort of academic track and the, you know, education was everything. And I didn’t know what else there was.

I didn’t know that there were other paths through life that were honorable. Yeah. And you didn’t really look at or sample from that menu to really even get a taste.

It’s almost like it didn’t even exist because it wasn’t on the table. And I felt constrained in that environment. So my ex-husband was an MD and that has, in the type of practice he had, that has some social sort of norms.

And I was never really comfortable in them. I could do it. I could perform, you know, I could show up, but I don’t think it was filling my bucket.

Okay. So post-marriage, you’re in your 60s. What were you going through then that, when you said, I was sort of rediscovering myself, you build a life with someone for 30 years, it’s almost like cutting off a limb.

There’s all this freedom to do whatever. But I would think that would be really scary. I couldn’t imagine being without my wife.

Yeah. It was terrifying because we both came from parents with intact marriages to death. In fact, after I divorced, I was obligated to go to his, both of his parents’ funerals.

And his dad is holding my hand after we divorced and saying, you’ll always be my daughter. And I’m thinking to myself, no, I won’t because I’m not. Right.

And of course, when Will was red, I wasn’t his daughter. Right. So emotionally, maybe at that time.

So yeah, there was a lot to it. I was terrified. I was very broken because having come from intact families, there was no such thing as divorce in my mind.

My attitude, and I had told him this, we have two choices. We can be miserable together, or we can work on this and try to be happy together. Those are our two choices.

This is not an alternative. And I didn’t understand that he thought there was an alternative, which was divorce. So yeah, I’m alone.

I have no one. He’s an MD, a prominent one in our community. Zero people reach out to me.

Zero. So he maintained all of the social contacts. And I mean, even the families whose kids, our kids was our kid, our last kid at home was playing baseball with.

Right. So, you know, I have nothing left, basically. So actually, my kids helped my oldest son.

My kids precipitated the divorce in the end and said, Mom, what are you waiting for? And I said, Well, I’m waiting for your dad to ask me on another honeymoon. And my son who was college age at the time said, How’s that going for you? You’re a brat. And he said, I had dinner with him in Atlanta.

He said, Mom, go home, put whatever will fit in your car and go to Phoenix. You know, my youngest kid was there. And they miss you and they want you and it’s beautiful and you don’t need a passport and it’s reversible.

Just go. And I said, Well, I have a business. I have employees.

I have a building lease. I have a big home. I have all these obligations.

I can’t. And he said, Yeah, you can. So I did.

I packed up and I left. And I got a little room in a, you know, a little furnished one bedroom vacation place and cried all the way from Mississippi to Arizona and literally baby steps day at a time, you know, recontacted clients, you know, took sort of dissolved and minimize the business that I was doing at the time. And I worked up the nerve to brush my teeth and comb my hair and go to Starbucks and make eye contact with somebody.

And at this point you’re how old? I’m 60, 61. And I thought at the time, this is what I thought when I realized he really did want a divorce and it was really ending. I thought, wow, this is really bad timing for me.

There is no premium in the United States of on women who are 60. I mean, I’m, I’m screwed. This is really bad timing.

You know, maybe if I were 40 or maybe if I were 50, but now like I’m, I’m not a desired quantity is what I thought at the time. That’s the internal limiting beliefs. So that’s, that’s sort of where I wanted to go to next.

And when your husband leaves you, when you’re that age, what, what other conclusion could you come to? And, you know, you talk about confidence a lot in the, um, in Love U. And I was taught and I believe, and I’ve always done it, that you behave as if you’re confident and doesn’t matter if you’re confident or not, but you need to behave that way. Right.

So I’ve always been able to do that. Did I feel it? No. But did I, you know, buck up and take care of it? I went and found a personal trainer.

I had lost a lot of weight and was just gray and sad and skinny. And I found a personal trainer. I said, you got to fix this, help me.

And I’m still with them and love that. And then, and then I started looking, I, I, I thought deeply about, I like men and I like being around men and I’ve always been attracted to men. And as my marriage deteriorated, I didn’t, I didn’t even have a friend anymore.

I had had a friend for a long time. And then when the friendship went away, I really had nothing, but I knew inside myself that I had a lot of, that I wanted love. I wanted to be in love.

I wanted to have, you know, a real passionate, exciting relationship. Did I know it was possible? No, but I kind of suspected it was. So I went online, you know, and talked to a bunch of men on the, you know, apps and stuff and, and, and, and enjoyed doing that.

Even before I met anybody, just had some nice phone calls. And, and then I decided I didn’t, that I was the common denominator in this marriage ending, you know, he left me. So what don’t I know? What don’t I know about this and what are the next steps? And, and as I looked online, it became obvious to me that I didn’t want to listen to women because I didn’t think they had the answer.

To understanding men? I only wanted to listen to men’s advice about what men wanted. And that’s how I found you and listened to you enough and reached out. Okay.

So, uh, hearken back to 2015. Uh, what do you remember? Cause again, it’s a, it’s, it’s at this point, it’s ages ago. What do you remember about that experience? Either something you learned or the experience that you had with the other women? Um, I’m not trying to put any words in your mouth cause we didn’t, we don’t prep before these things.

So what do you remember about your time in Love U? I remember making the decision to spend the money to do it because I knew that I, I wanted to do something for me. And I remember thinking, if all I get out of this whole Love U experience with all these calls and education is some good girlfriends, it’ll be worth it. That’s what I thought.

So I, I had very low expectations, which you need to do when you’re dating. And I, and, and when I got in it, um, I had some resistance. I mean, you were pretty blunt and you were, um, I would say, I would say blunt about, um, dating.

The one thing that I do remember you’re telling me, I had been out with a guy who was like a federal judge and did a little acting on the side and thought he was all that. And, uh, I did not pick up on the fact that he was a player because I think my mindset was there. And you pointed out to me, you know, I said he had taken me to the movies or something and then took me back to his house and like walked me into his bedroom.

And I’m like, what are you doing? This is, you know, no. And, and he, and he got kind of offended. And then he asked me to watch his dog the next weekend, like put, sort of put me in my place.

Didn’t I understand how cool a guy he was and shouldn’t I be compliant? And I’m like, no, not, not who I am. And you know, it wasn’t even that good a movie. And, uh, and you also told me that I was kind of alpha and that I probably did not need to be with these high drive, you know, I’m smarter than you.

I can win an argument. I, I think I, I think I learned that I had always attracted men because I was a challenge, maybe a cute challenge, but I was a challenge and I was feisty and could stand up to them. And I, I, I knew I was smart enough to go toe to toe with anybody.

And I was not aware that that’s not what they liked about me. That’s what they put up with, right? Right. They liked you for all these other reasons.

And it’s the, it’s the same flip story of, you know, uh, why do women date assholes? Well, they don’t like them because they’re assholes. They put up with the fact that they’re assholes because they’re smarter, charismatic or charming or rich. They put up with that.

And so for me, I think I was, I, and I hope this isn’t too weird to say, but I think I was a little bit of a fantasy girl in a way that I was, um, a lot of men fell in love with me when I was young. And so I was easy for me to charm somebody just using that whole, I’m confident, you know, but what was missing is that I wasn’t getting that deeper love. I wasn’t getting that, I see you, I want you, I’m going to protect you.

I want you by my side. I wasn’t feeling that. You’d have their respect, but because you didn’t spend any time in your feminine, you didn’t have that warmth and protection maybe? Yeah.

I mean, I think it’s more that I was a very attractive challenge because I knew how to flirt. And I, um, so it wasn’t hard for me to attract men, but it was very hard for me to feel loved and I didn’t know how to articulate what would make me feel loved. I wasn’t probably even aware that that was missing.

Okay. And so somehow over 26 weeks with me that planted a seed in your head that, again, I don’t want to put words in your mouth because I don’t know what you’re thinking, but something about, uh, making men feel needed or showing your vulnerable side or no? Uh, I would say that came a little bit later. What came first for me is, you know, I’m a little, I can seem, uh, arrogant or, um, elitist.

And what came first for me was allowing in, uh, people of different backgrounds. You know, you talked a lot about, you know, wanting to be with a hot, smart, Eastern, sure. Snappy girl.

And, and for me, it was like opening my eyes to different sorts of men. And I did it by different ages and different backgrounds and people that I never could have brought home to my academic family and a lot of experimentation and a lot of opening myself up to the stories that other people had about how they’d lived their lives. And so that was the first thing.

And I, I think during Love U, I dated men who were quote beneath me socially. Right. So I had a wonderful boyfriend who was a retired street cop.

He was wonderful. And I actually, you know, took him to my daughter’s wedding and everybody loved him and he did great. Even though, you know, his grammar was less than what I would have preferred huge heart, good man, kids, loved him, raised a good family.

There, there were core things that I had in common within a way, all good men that I was not aware of. Cause I was thinking, you know, I only need this little elite, you know, high paid, well-educated. But the story goes, cause someone’s listening right now and they’re hearing, hearing your version of events and their immediate reaction is so you settled.

So someone else should settle. Oh no. And we’re going to get, we’re going to get to him.

I’m being the audience right now. When they hear street cop, they’re like, okay, so she, she took Love U and she learned to lower her standards. No, no.

What I did is I learned to experiment and I learned to be open and I learned to allow men to come to me and show me who they were before me making that snap judgment. Oh, I can read this profile and I can tell, you know, you’re this level in this company or whatever. No, I, I think I learned to be open to the wonderful world of what’s out there.

Cause when in our lifetimes, have we ever had an online catalog of men who are single? I mean, and I, when women in love, you complain about having to, you know, be on the apps or whatever. I’m like, this is genius. It’s so good.

It’s like to go home, make yourself a cup of tea, curl up in bed and browse men, you know, who are telling you about themselves. How good is that? You know, when in other era have we had that opportunity? So I’m hiding in my little apartment in Phoenix. When am I going to meet anybody? You know, and most of my work is online.

I’m not. So learning to be open to all the people, you know, filed away in their little homes, longing for maybe what I was longing for that closeness or that joy of connecting with somebody. So just, just opening up, I didn’t act during Love U.

I don’t think I knew what I wanted, but it’s the beginning of the process of understanding what I didn’t want. Okay. Yeah.

And that’s half the battle. Any other specific takeaway that you remember? A turn of phrase, an idea, something that opened you up? Because you’re giving sort of broad overall feelings. Is there anything specific that you remember that you go back to? Because we’re going to move past Love Uin a second.

Right. So the talk about, you know, we did a lot of, I think, labeling of people and relationships. So there was a lot of conversation in my group about, oh, he’s alpha and he’s beta.

I no longer really buy into that. And one of the things you said to me is alpha means selfish. And I remember that very distinctly, because of course you say that to anybody and it came from Franz de Waal’s anthropology studies with chimpanzees.

And it’s not really right because like an alpha female is a collaborator and a peacemaker. And we could also come up with the alpha male he protects and provides for everybody. But if we just say masculine is more about self and feminine is more about others.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think paying attention to that and then getting comfortable with the idea that none of us are that black and white and that no man is that black and white.

And a guy can be very protective in one scenario and yet ignore your needs, you know, at home when the game’s on. So what I think that for me, the process was learning about myself and learning what would make me happy. So I love that.

How many dates, how many years did it take for you to get into the relationship that you’re in now post Love U? Well, let’s see, I think I was 60 or 61 when I was in Love U. And I met my current boyfriend who I’ve been with for four years now when I was 68. And he’s a few years younger.

And when I broke up with the previous boyfriend, who was also a great guy, but not a fit for me, which I knew because of Love U. I knew to let go earlier and not try to hang on because I liked him a lot. There was nothing terribly wrong with him.

We didn’t have a fight. We didn’t break up that way. I just knew he wasn’t going to fulfill me long term and that I would grow to resent that he couldn’t give me everything I needed.

And it wasn’t his fault. He was giving me everything he had to give. So getting out early was one of the things that I definitely learned.

So how long were you with that guy? Because you talked about, I stayed 10 years, and I know marriage is a different story, but I stayed 10 years in a marriage where it was deteriorating. If you had that time back, it’s almost impossible to think about. In the previous relationship, how long was the relationship and how long did you stay past the expiration date? Oh, I didn’t stay past the expiration date on any of them.

So the cop that I dated, who was really wonderful, I let him go in about 18 months. And the next one, not even that long. So we were together about a year, spent a Christmas together.

I thought about it and I just said, you’re wonderful. There’s nothing terribly wrong, but I’m never going to be the number one I want to be with you. He was much younger and career oriented and had other things to do.

And so I didn’t get a lot of his time. Victoria was awesome, but there wasn’t enough Victoria time. And I wanted that.

But that’s great that you chose to insist on, he may be a great guy, but this relationship, on these terms, if it were to continue, I don’t feel satisfied with the status quo. Right. And that was always my issue.

Am I ever going to find somebody who I can really, I’m not a settler, I’m a maximizer, as you put it. So am I ever, is there anybody out there who’s enough for me in the things that I need? Not enough in society’s definition of what a great guy is, but am I going to find someone where I don’t feel like I want to run away? So you meet your guy four years ago. Was he online? Yeah.

What was the first date like? He’s two states away from me. So I’m in Phoenix, he’s in El Paso. So we connected online and then he called me every day for a month.

And we talked for long periods of time. It was COVID. So I was very reluctant to meet anybody at that time physically.

And it was also in June in Phoenix, it’s brutally hot. So he offered to come take me to dinner, to drive all the way over here, fly over here and take me to dinner. I didn’t want to go inside in a restaurant at the time because of COVID.

So I suggested that we just, his profile had him out hiking by a pretty waterfall in the mountains. And I was wanting to get out of here because you’re cooped up in your house. And so I said, let’s go hike, let’s take a weekend and go hike and we can meet each other that way.

Because it was so far, he was six and a half hours away. So we continued to talk on the phone. We talked about, we got an Airbnb, I asked him to get me an extra bedroom in case I didn’t like him.

And then we talked about what we would do and how far we would go in terms of a romantic relationship since this was actually our first meeting. So it was really bizarre. And I made up my mind ahead of time, honestly, that if I liked him, I was going to let it happen.

I was going to be intimate if I felt like it at the time, but that I was also going to steal myself and know that it might be only that one trip. And if that turned out to be true, I was going to give myself that treat if it felt good. And I was going to expect nothing.

That’s the healthy way to break sexclusivity is if you’re okay with the possibility that this might be it, then absolutely you can do that on your terms.

And mind you, I was 68. I’m not going to get pregnant. I’ve already had a family.

This is really just for me. And it was COVID, and I was lonely. And I was like, this is such a nice man.

I know everything about him after this month. He has six kids, and I have four. And we’ve been through all of that.

And where have you lived? And what’s your business? And so we got pretty comfortable with one another. And for lack of a better word, the chemistry, was it off the charts? The chemistry on the phone was very off the charts, because that’s just a real high priority for me. And it turns out it was a high priority for him.

Well, how do you dip your toe in that? Right? Well, in a normal situation, if you’re both in the same place, you can gradually date and, you know, develop an intimacy that way. But both of us were, we were grown up enough to be able to talk to each other about it. And I would be okay with this, but I would not be okay with that.

And I literally said to him, I want my own bedroom. And I cannot promise you how I will feel when I’m in your presence. And he said, well, I can promise you, I’m going to try.

And I won’t, you know, he obviously was not going to force himself on me. But, but he was highly motivated by the time we talked. And, and I was honestly really apprehensive about it, because I know about myself that no matter how good you feel about somebody on the phone, no matter how good their pictures look, for me, I, I know that I’m very scent oriented.

And I think there’s something to that with people. Some men smell really good and sexy to me, and some don’t. And I think it has to do with, you know, you’re not supposed to marry your litter mate.

Right? So we have, we have things that bother us. And so I knew that until I was in his physical presence, I wouldn’t know whether I wanted to go there. But after this spectacular first date, were you basically, instantly a couple? Yeah.

So I, because I left, he, he gave me a little ring and a little antique Roman ring that he got out the last night and said, you know, I bought this for you. I didn’t know you. So I couldn’t buy it for you, you, but I’ve carried this with me on dates because I was hoping to meet somebody that I would want to give it to.

So that was how we parted. And he called me the next day and asked if he could come that weekend. So I probably got home on a Thursday and he showed up again on Saturday.

And we really have been together ever since. Not crazy passion. Yes, there was crazy passion, but talking all the way, you know, what, what do you want to do next? Can we do this? No, we’re not going to make any promises.

We don’t know yet. We don’t know each other well enough yet. And so we’ve taken our getting to know each other at a, at a really mature pace.

How is he different? Because you were hinting at it earlier. How is he different than men in your past? He’s confident. He’s almost overconfident.

He’s a happy guy. He wakes up every morning with a smile on his face. He doesn’t have self-doubt.

He’s, he’s a college dropout, built his own business 40 years, still successful, keeps it going to keep his employees paid because he wants them to have a good life. And he’s intense enough to be very successful, but he’s, when I say he’s confident, you wouldn’t know it to look at him. You would think really nice guy, nice smile, really pleasant.

Very driven, but not, I would say what appeals to me is that he does not appear to really care one whit about what anybody else thinks about him. Makes his own decisions, kind of follows his own path. And this is very different from your husband.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My husband was very, very social and very connected. He was very much a team player in his medical practice and very beloved, knew what to say to people. Yeah.

Very socially connected and like to the sort of traditional, you know, he knows how to go to the right restaurant, find the right restaurant, go to the right restaurant, order the right wine, you know, go to the right place in Italy for the right bike trip, you know, with the beautiful people. It was a world that I felt really constrained in. And this man is free and a loner and I can, I feel freer and I feel smothered in a very, very good way by his love.

I have never doubted his attraction for me. And that is just blissful for me is what I was missing. So, and it’s beautiful.

I mean, I love hearing that from you. What challenges, I mean, I know that you guys still remain in a long distance relationship where he drives six hours to see you. Um, are there any other obvious challenges that you guys had to overcome over the past four years? Uh, I, I, well, I think there are always challenges.

I don’t think we’ve really had any issue overcoming anything because in our conversations, both of us are at a place in our lives where we understand that the only way to live day to day is with the golden rule. And so we both take the attitude, I don’t want to do anything to mess this up. This is just too good.

So, so our, uh, our time together is just really special and really focused on each other. And we, I would say we have probably a whole lot of really differing opinions. It’s completely maddening to me that he wants to talk about astrology.

I find that just absolutely idiotic. And, you know, I’m a very science academic based person and, and he’s just so easygoing. I, I think if I really cared and really went down the road with him on whether there’s magnetic pull from the planet, you know, I, I, so, so because he’s easygoing, because he doesn’t feel really passionately about a lot of things.

He has some beliefs that I think are wacko, but they don’t dominate. They don’t matter. That’s the point, right? So it’s the ability to agree to disagree.

People, but I think almost in particular, women underestimate the value of easy and agreeable. Oh, right. We really like ourselves a difficult man.

Well, and I think Evan, you need to know what you want because I, I, and I say about him all the time. I don’t know any woman in my whole sphere of friendships who would tolerate this guy. I don’t know any, uh, he, uh, he dresses like a homeless person.

Uh, he, uh, he’s so completely individualistic that, um, he, and, and, and, and a little rebellious, you know, on if it’s supposed to be this way, he’s going to take an opposite viewpoint. Um, uh, I find him very, well, here’s a great example. Um, he’s extremely generous, um, and he’s financially very successful, but you would never know it to look at him or to see how he lives.

He actually, when I met him and is still living in a fifth wheel on a piece of like parking lot outside of El Paso beside a mountain, that’s just desolate looking. And he was dating women here in Scottsdale. And when I, when I had the first day with him, he said to me, I have to tell you something.

And I was like, Oh boy, here it comes. What could this be? And he says, well, you know, I live in a trailer. I was like, okay, so I, you know, I don’t care where you live.

I’m it’s the man. It’s not the lifestyle. And if the lifestyle demands that I go somewhere else or demands that I do what he do, but he was living in a transient situation because he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

He knew he wanted to be with a woman. He knew he wanted it to be monogamous, but he didn’t know after that where he would want to end up. So he’s owned large homes and designer this and that, but that’s not what he was doing right now.

And women were judging him for that instead of, uh, really the fundamentals, you know, he’s secure and he’s well-to-do and he’s a great provider to the people around him. He just doesn’t care about the trappings of it. And I’m all about the fundamentals and the honesty and, and especially, especially how I’m treated.

I wanted to be adored. That’s the thing that I get from listening to you in our private Facebook group is how this guy literally goes the extra mile for you and you never have to doubt where you stand with him. You don’t, he, it sounds like he, he speaks all five love languages.

Uh, yeah. I don’t know if it’s all five. I think just, I think what I want to say is it’s who he is.

He’s just being who he is. He’s a guy that wants to get shit done. And if it’s my house that needs shit done or his car or whatever, he’s going to get it done.

And I find that very caring and very supportive because sure, I can do it all myself, but I don’t want to. And the fact that he is gratified to support me that way and I get to thank him for it is completely amazing. Right.

So I’m just going to put a pin in this for a second and make it explicit to everybody listening. Is that your phone dinging? Oh, sorry. No, it’s on the computer.

Okay. I was wondering if it was my phone dinging. We’ve already established just in this conversation, right? Academic, lawyer, blunt, challenging, right? Tends towards masculine energy.

And you’ve allowed this guy to do for you. And all I hear from women on the phone is, okay, I take care of my clients and I took care of my ex, taking care of my adult kids. Who is taking care of me? And you’ve found a guy and allowed a guy to do that, even though you could very well take care of yourself.

Right. There seems to be something really profound in that. Evan, it’s that I always wanted it, but I couldn’t even put words to it.

Until he did it for me, I wasn’t able… I started dating him in June, right? He came to my house in July. I had a patch of dirt behind my house and I had some tile other places. And I just kind of offhand said, God, I wish I could get that tiled.

And he goes, oh, I’ll do that for you. Fourth of July, 110 degrees in Phoenix. And the man is on his hands and knees and built me a gorgeous patio that matched the rest of mine.

Bought all the materials, installed it all, didn’t want anything back and says he enjoys the work. The man in his 60s doing this. Oh, I mean, yeah, he’s so strong and so physical.

He’s a hiker. An ideal hike for him is seven or eight hours, nine or 10 miles in the mountains, in the heat, whatever. And I’m pretty into fitness.

I’m a gym girl and I play tennis and stuff. But what I tell you is, it’s who he is. He gets to be appreciated for who he already is.

And I get to be appreciated for who I already am. So neither one of us had to change at all. You brought me to my next question.

And it’s literally on my sheet, exactly where we’re supposed to be in this interview. Did you have to change yourself to find love? No. Did you have to change your choice of men? No.

Well, my choice of men, I wasn’t making bad choices. I don’t think. I think I was making good choices.

I was dating good men. Yes. Because I don’t let bad behavior, I don’t let any bad behavior in.

Somebody who’s a jerk to me one time, and I mean a real jerk, not just accidental. So I wasn’t with bad men. I was with men that weren’t enough for me.

They weren’t confident enough. They weren’t competent enough. They weren’t strong enough.

And I just, I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t feel like this is somebody I could really lean on if push comes to shove. It would be me that I would be leaning on.

So you embodied what we call the CEO energy by learning to fire decent men who just weren’t fit for this one very, very important job. There’s only one job available for the rest of your life. And these guys after six months, one year, couldn’t cut it.

Right. Well, it’s not, yeah, I couldn’t cut it. They weren’t built for me.

They weren’t, they didn’t. And so I think it’s this business we learn in Love U about you cannot change a man and this concept of acceptance. And I’ve talked to him about it too.

And he doesn’t like the word acceptance because to him, he says acceptance implies that there’s something about me you don’t like that you have to put up with. I think that’s true, but he could quibble with that. Right.

And so I think that’s, you know, we talk about it a lot that you can’t change a man that he’s going to do what he’s going to do. And a lot of it for me was honestly looking at the things that I hadn’t looked at before, because I’m a justice warrior and I’m looking for injustice and I’m looking for mistakes and I’m going to fix them and I’m going to change this or that. Looking for what you’re grateful for is such a better way to live.

Yeah. It’s such a better way to live. So I, you know, I got up this morning to go to a medical appointment.

I went out front and he was on a ladder in front of my garage tweaking my motion detector lights. You know, I didn’t ask him to do that. And there’s a filet mignon dinner from a Texas steakhouse in my refrigerator that he showed up with last night.

And he shows up Sounds like a traditional acts of service type guy. Absolutely. But beyond that, because his desire is to do it better.

I think his capability is a big source of comfort for him. He’s been repairing cars for the neighbors since he was seven. And so that ability to solve that kind of problem is what makes him happy.

So this is all like everything, right? You talked about how the man who’s right for me at 25 may not be the right man for me at 55 or whatever. So we’re all a product of our own evolution and growth and experience. And so maybe there was no other way to arrive here other than the path that you did.

But what would you say to younger Victoria about choosing the right kind of partner for her? Younger Victoria wasn’t capable of doing better than she did. Younger Victoria chose a man she believed would be a great father to her children. And she didn’t choose for herself, for her own passion.

She made a mature decision. And I honestly don’t think you can do it better at a very young age. You can get lucky.

You can get lucky in making that choice. And I think most people don’t get lucky. And most people muddle through anyway.

But I think the study is in knowing yourself. And I think we just don’t. When we’re young, we want men to think we’re pretty.

And we set these goals. I’m going to get here in my career. And I get to go to Washington, D.C. and sit at this table.

And then we’re going to go out to this French restaurant. I think I dated before I married pretty successfully in a pretty wide variety of people. But I think I’m just quirky enough.

I think each of us are so individual about what it is we want. I have a dear girlfriend in that you know who is in LoveU that I met through LoveU. And she wants a man in a perfectly cut blue suit and a perfectly tailored white button-down shirt with a tie.

And her idea of a great time is to go to a cool bar for cocktails. And then go to another really posh restaurant for dinner. And then stroll around a little bit.

And go to another place for dessert. And then go home and maybe make love. I don’t know.

That is not my idea of a fun date anymore. Now maybe when I was 30 and there was that Wall Street lawyer that I met when I was working for Shell Oil. That was kind of fun at the time.

I liked it. But do I want to? And this is a great story, Evan, if I can tell you. So I dated this guy briefly who was a Wall Street lawyer.

He’d been a pro football player. And we met in New York a couple of times where he lived. And I was starry-eyed.

It was so impressive. He could hail a cab and took me to all these cool places. And so I invited him down to Florida where my parents lived.

And I had gone to high school there. So it’s very familiar territory for me. And the dude actually shows up in black socks on the beach.

And what was so cool in his environment, you take him out of it. And he mentioned some, I think he mentioned a red, he’d look at that red bird. And it was a freaking cardinal.

You know, this is city boy. You know, take him somewhere else. And so those are the kind of experiences that I find so interesting.

What I find so interesting about this pursuit of love is I see somebody in different environments. And you advocate that. Like don’t connect, don’t make a decision about getting married until you’ve been with somebody while seeing them in different environments.

And, you know, maybe traveled with them some or maybe or gone through something, right? Been through a stressful holiday season, kids coming to visit, loss of income, loss of libido, something. Right. And then know what really, really matters to you.

And it doesn’t have to be what matters to anybody else. You can love your girlfriends and let them want what they want. And people are saying to me, you know, a lot of the love you girls are like, he lives in a trailer and this is who Victoria picked, right? Well, got to look beneath the surface, ladies.

I was just this week, I was quoting a Lori Gottlieb’s book, Marry Him, from 2009, 10. And every other chapter of the book, I was coaching her through it. And she talks about the time that she first met my wife.

And she describes her as average. That was her description. I thought Evan, as a Duke graduate public figure, would hold out for someone more impressive, but she was pleasant, but I wasn’t overwhelmed in any meaningful way.

My point exactly. Right. And again, we’re hitting our 17th anniversary this year.

And it’s all because you strip everything away, right? The credentials and the achievements. And what I’m left with is like just my favorite person on earth, who I could say anything to, and she’s not going to get mad, and we’re not going to get into a fight. I’m not gonna have to apologize.

It’s just very, very easy. She’s genuinely like my best friend. And I guess I can’t speak more powerfully about how important it is to go beneath the surface.

And the hard part is, we all have dating apps, and all we have is the surface, right? So what advice would you give Victoria to a single woman who has gone this far in our interview, is listening to this podcast right now? What would you leave her with? Well, for me, I needed to be in love with you. I needed to go through the course. I needed to patiently tick those boxes with you and hear what you had to say about how men think, because I would have made the same assumptions she’s making.

Oh, they’re all assholes. They’re, you know, they don’t care. They just want to get in your pants.

You know, there’s this long list of things that women believe about men, none of which are actually true. They’re like a quarter dial off. So yeah, he wants to get in your pants because you’re the most beautiful thing he’s come across, and he wants to get close to you, and he wants to find out who you are, and he wants to get as close as possible.

That’s not an insult. That’s never an insult. That’s always a compliment, and women don’t take it that way because we’re, you know, we walk the planet in fear of the bad guys out there, when in fact 95% of them are good guys, right? And so we label all, and so I would say that, number one, I’m a huge advocate of Love U.

Having the support of women who are trying a different approach. If I had listened to my girlfriends, if I listened to my very best friend about one boyfriend ago, when I said I was going to leave him, she goes, oh, you know, don’t do that. You’re not getting any younger.

And I thought, you don’t get it, sweetie. I’m going to be sleeping around in the nursing home. I’m going to have it.

It’s not a problem, right? I thought, you know, when I was 60 and newly divorced, I thought, who’s going to want me? But that was a momentary dip, and the fact is that men want women. Men want women. They like being around us.

They like how soft we are. They just like our presence. They like a lot of things about us, and the more women who allow these nice men to try to be nice to us, and yeah, I think you need the support.

I think you need the program. I think you need the support. If not, if you’re the kind of person who can teach yourself, really absorb it all, and you know, don’t buy the standard line.

Don’t ask a woman what men think. Don’t ask a woman to interpret what men are doing. Don’t ask a woman to interpret a man’s text.

Don’t ask a woman to interpret a man’s behavior. Just don’t do it. It just doesn’t work.

Ask a man, and you know, as far as I’m concerned, you’re the man to ask, because you’ve thought it through. You’ve seen a lot of it. I doubted you, honestly, because you were so young, and I thought, oh yeah, I haven’t, you know, he’s got this sweet young wife, and they’re starting their family.

Of course things are good. Of course he’s going to advocate for marriage, and I’m, you know, I’m a, you know, technically a failure over a long period of time, and I’m thinking, what does he really know about my life? I put all that aside, and I took what you did have to say about how men think, and so my interpretation, I remember this not specifically, but offering you some text that I’d gotten from a man. Okay, he said this.

What on earth does this mean? And you’re just like, that’s what it is, and of course it was something that never would have occurred to me, because I’m thinking with my brain, and how I would go about it, so to me, getting the point of, getting your point of view was really important, and getting the support of women who want to do it better, and just because you’ve had five failed relationships doesn’t mean you can’t put your head on, you know, the chest of a man who’s going to hold you all night, and never let you doubt that you’re cherished. It’s out there, and if I could find it at my age, come on, a little 30-something, a little 40-something, a little 50-something. Right.

Victoria, I wasn’t expecting such a full-throated endorsement, but I thank you for your kind words. I thank you taking time to share your experience and wisdom with the women listening to the Love U podcast. I love you.

I appreciate it. And I’m going to interrupt you one more time, because there’s one more thing I want to say. Yeah.

Look, I’ve listened to pretty much every dating coach out there, and I picked you for your business model, because you follow through with people like me, what are we, 10 years later, and these are individual successes of real women. You’re not on some podium spouting off, here are the 10 things you did wrong, right? Or it’s not a, it’s not a, hey, look at me, I’m the expert kind of program. It’s a supportive role.

It’s an educational role, and providing this community of women where we can really freely talk to each other, pretty uncensored, other than you, you know, wagging your finger at us a little bit, is huge. And I think it’s the best dating coach model out there that there is. And I selected it for that reason.

So, okay, finish up. No, it’s okay. It’s nice that you said that.

And once again, we don’t coordinate these things in advance. I’m very grateful. Thank you.

Thank you for the validation. Guys, you know, guys need that in general, but I think I need that especially. So, for everybody who’s listening, you know what you need to do now, go to evanmarckatz.com/now, book a time to talk with me, because I am not Matthew Hussey.

I do not have millions of followers. I am not having women throw their panties at me on stage, even though I like the guy. It’s very different.

I like working with women. I like coaching women and building relationships and seeing their growth over time. So that’s why it’s always really thrilling to get former clients who are willing to come back after all these years and share their experience.

For the rest of you listening to the Love U podcast, who are not going to do any form of coaching, I hope you enjoy the free stuff.

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View Details

Can you be warm, confident, and flirty—without feeling fake? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I coach Shahrzad, a smart, multilingual woman in Stockholm who’s great at meeting people but struggles to spark romantic connection in real life. We explore how to build social momentum, express interest naturally, and radiate the kind of energy that draws high-quality men in. If you’ve ever felt stuck between being friendly and being flirty, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Hear:

I coach Shahrzad, a smart, multilingual 29-year-old in Sweden, who’s doing everything “right” but still struggles to turn real-life interactions into romantic ones.
We talk about what it actually means to be approachable—and how to express interest without chasing, performing, or feeling fake.
You’ll hear why confidence isn’t about lines or tricks, but about how you see yourself—and how that changes the way men respond to you.
I explain the two main types of flirtation—playful banter and warm curiosity—and why one might come more naturally to you.
We unpack how being the “mayor” of your social scene (aka creating social momentum) makes you instantly more magnetic.
You’ll learn how expressing opinions builds sexual tension and makes small talk more exciting.
I share how to shift your energy so that every man you meet feels you’re already desired—and how that unspoken confidence creates instant attraction.
I coach Shahrzad on specific, doable ways to bring more feminine energy, flirtation, and social leadership into her daily life—especially in male-dominated professional settings.
And finally, I explain why you don’t have to change who you are to be a better flirt—you just have to practice showing up differently.

Full Episode Transcript

Hey, this is Evan Mark Katz, Dating and Relationship Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women, your personal trainer for love. Welcome back to the LoveU Podcast. Gosh, I don’t even know how many episodes we’ve done.

It’s probably close to 400. I should probably go back and look and celebrate the 400th episode. I don’t know which number this one is.

I’ve got this massive spreadsheet and I’m really useless with spreadsheets. So let’s just say I’ve been doing this since 2016. We’ve reached 3 million people and it’s still going strong.

Somehow, someway we continue to reinvent and be able to help more and more people and I’m very, very grateful for your support. So in the show, that’s support. If you haven’t subscribed on Apple or Spotify, please do so.

If you haven’t left us a kind word in the comments or a positive review, that would mean the world to me as well. People do pay attention to those things. I certainly do.

Finally, just a reminder, the Extraordinary Love Series is going strong. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com . Put in your name and email address and phone number. We will send you reminders.

It is a free lecture series for smart, strong, successful women who want to understand men and attract high-value partners. It is something that I’m really, really excited about and it’s gaining momentum. Hundreds of people are already in there and I look forward to seeing you there as well.

Today’s conversation is… I want to pronounce your name properly. It’s Shahrzad? Yes. Proper emphasis on the second syllable? Yes, it is.

Okay, I just want to do this right. Her name is Shahrzad. She’s a Love You podcast listener.

We’ve done a few coaching sessions with other folks from around the world today. She’s coming from Sweden, if I’m correct. Yes, I’m from Sweden.

I’m really excited to listen to her. The nice thing about coaching, in my opinion, is that wherever you go, wherever you live, however old you are, whatever ethnicity you are, the issues we face are all the same. There’s something really grounding and unifying when we listen to other people who are trying to get to the other side of their confusion and frustration.

I’m excited for today’s conversation. Shahrzad welcome to the Love You podcast. Would you be kind enough to share a little bit about yourself? Yes, absolutely.

It’s lovely to be here. Thank you. My name is Shahrzad.

I was born and raised in Sweden. I’m Swedish-Iranian. I’m 29.

I’ve studied law and I work in finance now. It’s been really exciting moving to a new city, Stockholm. It’s a bigger city and meeting people.

There are some ups and downs, so I’m excited to have a conversation with you about one of those things. All right. Well, that’s remarkable.

How many languages do you speak? I speak four. Hopefully four and a half, five soon. You’re doing it in English now.

Farsi, if you’re from Iran. Yes, exactly. Swedish and? Yeah, and then Spanish.

Pero tengo que practicar mi lengua. That is amazing. You know, I’m a dumb American.

We never have to leave America. We have no need to speak other languages. But that’s really impressive.

If we were on a date, I would ask you a lot more about this. But we are here to discuss very specifically your love life. So why don’t you lay it on us? Yes, absolutely.

So one of the things I’ve noticed for myself is that I want to meet people more in real life. And in, you know, in all cities, but in particular in Sweden and Stockholm, I find that a lot of people are on the apps and people are having their, you know, heads in the phone. So, but I really want to put myself out there more and be more approachable.

So, for instance, and that is my question. So how can I be more approachable in real life and show curiosity about someone more romantically and move that interaction forward in a flirty natural way? Because I’ve after listening to this podcast, I’ve gone to and I have a goal of going to three events in person a week. But I find that, you know, just because I’m meeting more people doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m also moving that interaction forward.

So that is my question. How can I sort of show more of a romantic interest or curiosity about someone in person? That’s a really complex and loaded question. I appreciate you asking it because it’s not something that I have an easy answer for.

It’s not right. I mean, there’s a there’s a whole section. And Love U is a 26 week course.

And I’ve got one week on meeting men in real life and I’ve got one week on flirting. And so these are definitely things that that I talk about, but it’s usually much broader. So let’s kind of go back and forth on this.

One of the things that I that I’m picking up, which is not wrong, is that you partially want to control things that are a little bit out of your control. And I would just. Maybe you didn’t mean to say that, but that’s what I was picking up.

You know, people here are on their devices, people here and that’s everywhere. And it’s a societal wide problem and nothing you can do. If a guy is walking past you on the street looking at his phone, you’re not going to bump into him.

That’s not dating coaching is like, hey, just so let’s not worry too much about the bigger problems that you can’t control. Let’s worry about the sort of tiny things that you can. Absolutely.

Yes. So. Would you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? I think I am an extrovert.

I get energy being out there. OK, good. That that makes everything we’re about to do a lot easier, more comfortable.

So being a flirt is something that is like a lot of things. I think people will have just sort of an innate personality. We all have innate personalities.

I look at my children and they have their innate personalities. And there’s only so much as a parent. I could shape those kids.

They are who they are. If you are a flirt, no one ever had to teach you how to flirt. It’s just who you are.

Do you know anybody who’s a good flirt? Yes, I know some some girlfriends I have. Yes. OK, so I would ask you sincerely.

What if you have that observation about them? What is it that you think makes them a good flirt? What is it that they do? I think what I’ve noticed is that they push back sometimes on what what a guy says. So, for instance, if they say, you know, so what are you ordering? And they say, oh, blueberry cake. They’re like, oh, this would never work.

For instance. OK, so the term is negging. So putting a putting a guy down makes him a good flirt? Yeah.

Or just challenging someone saying, hey, so what’s going on with you? Yeah, no, doing nothing. Oh, so you just sit around doing nothing or just something that they’re pushing back. And that doesn’t have to be something negative.

Or they may be pause and look at someone and say, like, I like your shirt looks good on you. But I can be more observant of what they do. I haven’t really thought about that.

To me, that’s just a great place to start the conversation, because you’re you know, you’re asking for for a broader worldview about what can I do? What’s within my power? You have access to other people who you know that you would consider good flirts. And then there’s going to be some gap between how they conduct themselves and how you conduct yourself. So to put a finer point on what you said.

It’s not so much the putting them down part or the you look good in that shirt part. They’re all forms of the same thing that I coach and love you. It’s having opinions.

That’s all it is. It’s having an expressing opinions. So when you’re flirting with someone on a dating app, you don’t want to talk about dating apps.

Well, asking generic questions. So what do you do for fun? Oh, my God, that sounds really great. That’s not flirting.

Why? Because you’re not expressing your opinion or observation. So people with opinions or observations have a take on the world. Often that take could be funny.

It takes confidence to have an opinion to take a stand. So people are responding to confidence and humor and it comes out in the form of having an opinion. But not everybody is that opinionated.

A lot of people. My wife is a perfect example. She’s she’s generally neutral.

She’s Switzerland. She likes everybody. She likes everything.

Yeah. Right. And those people are really great, but they’re not as they don’t have sharp edges.

So they’re not as flirtatious. But there’s another form of flirtation that I want to open you up to. I understand the one you’re talking about.

It’s commonly used among men and women. But to me, it’s more of a and you asked it in your email question to me. It’s more of a warmth, openness, curiosity.

It’s a way of being in the world. Again, this happens to be by my my desk. I can’t say enough about it.

But How to Know a Person by David Brooks. It’s not a flirting book. But I feel like someone who’s a flirt, it doesn’t necessarily even have to have sexual content to be flirting.

Like I flirt with dogs, old men. Like it’s just a way of being. And it tends to be warm and curious and enthusiastic.

It’s Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, old book on sales. Would you say you are that person? You come across on this call that way. But maybe it’s not as maybe it’s because we already have trust between us.

Is the question if I am warm in person with people? Are you warm, bubbly and curious in person? I think when I, for instance, I was at a run club this week, I go twice a week. And so I can find myself a bit more not reserved. I do talk to people, but maybe it’s not as it doesn’t come off as flirty or as, you know, curious about someone.

It’s more like, hi, more generic, I would guess, because I don’t know exactly what to say. For instance, I were to touch someone’s arm and I say, hey, it’s good to see you again. I’m excited about this run today.

Hey, what are you watching this week or something like that, something. So that’s what I do. But I could definitely improve.

Yeah. Again, I’m not criticizing you. If anything, I’m just trying to figure out what it is that you do.

I had a friend in college who was a great flirt and I thought I was good. And then I saw this guy. I was like, oh, that’s what it is.

He was the mayor. He was the guy that when you went to where he was living, in that case, it was a fraternity house in the United States. But he was the guy who was like, oh, my God, Evan, you have to meet Sherry.

Sherry’s so cool. Have you listened to this mix? Have you had our punch? Check out our ping pong table. He was just the guy that everybody wanted to be around because he was just a happy super connector.

So I thought I was a good flirt because I was confident and articulate. And I’d find a woman I liked and I’d make a beeline for her and like, you know. All over her.

Really intense. And he was more like, likes everybody, likes everything. And people are attracted to that.

And it is it’s it’s a it’s a it’s mostly a positive energy. And I think there’s a lot of people who want to be good flirts, but they lead with sincerity. Right.

Which is not playful or silly. And maybe it might be warm people, but the nature of their conversation might get a little heavy. And so suddenly it doesn’t feel flirtatious.

It doesn’t have sort of the energy of two people falling in love, even though that person could be a good person, interesting, interesting conversationalist. Suddenly those conversations turn into therapy sessions. Yes.

So do you, from what I gather, do you think that I could be more open than in general when I go, for instance, to these run clubs because I go there and I really like running, that I could just be more open and bubbly for everyone, not necessarily someone I see, just. I’ll throw out an idea and it’s off. It’s not exactly what we’re talking about.

I’m open. The thing that would would I that I think would catalyze your run club would be for you to say. And again, I don’t know the answer to this.

Maybe this already takes place, but it’s putting yourself at the center and creating social capital. It’s hey, after run club, do you guys want to go grab drinks and do karaoke? Right. It’s I’m going to be the person who creates and catalyzes fun interactions.

Yeah. Like, is that something that you think is doable because that person is well liked by men and women? Why? Because you’re creating something that didn’t exist. That running might be fun, but drinking karaoke is even more fun.

Yeah, absolutely. No, I can do that. I can do that.

I mean, there’s some of those ones that I go to already. We stay afterwards and drink some drink beer and then we have hot dogs and so on burgers. But maybe outside of it, like for anyone who wants to join outside of it.

Hey, guys, let’s anyone who wants to join. Let’s go do hangouts. I think the person who does that has a leg up because you’re kind of making yourself mayor in that case.

And we all have a friend who’s the sort of the social planner. Yeah, absolutely. Like there’s always there’s always some girl who’s the social planner and she’s she’s it’s not surprising.

She’s often the flirt, too. Yeah, absolutely. No, I’m thinking of one.

Yeah, for sure. There’s another element to flirting, which I think is I don’t want to ignore. And that is the sexual aspect of it.

One is the warm, friendly, bubbly aspect of it. One of it is the sexual aspect of it. And I don’t certainly don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

I was just itching myself. Yeah, well, sometimes when people start to touch their hair. Anyways, anyway, there’s not one way to be.

There’s you know, there’s different cultures have different strengths. But certainly I wouldn’t think that Persian culture would be the height of of sexuality. And it’s possible that if you weren’t given a glimpse of that growing up, it might not it might not be something that comes naturally.

Right. So I don’t want to make any, you know, unnecessary assumptions. But one of the things that I’ve observed is that there’s an undercurrent of sexuality and flirtatious interactions.

And the way I would talk about it is you like me. You’re attractive to me. I know you like me and you’re attractive to me.

So that’s the thing that’s in the air. Right. And it’s the assumption that the answer is yes.

And that every guy likes you, is attracted to you, wants to date you, wants to sleep with you. And if you start the interaction there, it’s a very, very different action instead of going to, you know, what do you do for work? What do you do for fun? What are you watching on TV? Right. Yeah.

He knows it. You know it. And we’re not even talking about it.

It’s just what’s in the air. And if you’ve ever met a guy who is sexually confident. Yes.

You probably have and you’re attracted to him. Yeah. Just picture, there’s a picture in your head who that is.

Yeah, absolutely. My guess is that he has that. His presumption is that you want him.

And he doesn’t have to beg and he doesn’t have to ask. It’s sort of assumed. And that confidence, that sexual confidence is attractive and makes something that’s not even inherently flirtatious feel flirtatious.

Yeah. Right. But it’s with the undercurrent and that’s why it’s sort of subtle.

It’s with the undercurrent of you want me, I know you want me. And this is just a little dance that we’re doing. OK.

Does that make sense? And again, it’s really hard to describe it. That’s the best way I can describe it. Does that make sense? Yes.

So that I go into an interaction assuming that’s in the air. That’s in the air and that every single guy there wants to take you home. And all you have to decide is who you want to be the guy.

Yeah. And no one has to say anything about this. But if you bring that element into it, everything gets a little bit of an extra electrical charge.

Right. Which is why there’s a different vibe when you’re at a club. Yes.

Right. Then when you’re sitting at Starbucks with a business colleague. Yeah.

Talking about the quarterly reports. Yep. There’s just a different.

There’s two people, but one of them has a charge to it. Why is there the charge? Because it’s expected at a club. Someone is going to try to make a move, buy you a drink, get your number, take you home.

So it’s built into it, but it’s something we could kind of build in everywhere. Yeah. In a different context.

Yes. Can I ask a layer to that? As long as it’s related to what we’re talking about? Yes. Yeah.

This is related. So because I told you I work in finance and so on. So that entails that I meet a lot of guys in those other settings where that charge isn’t there or the assumption isn’t there.

Is there a way where I can sort of invite myself and them in this sort of space? Not in that context, but for instance, if I were like, hey, we had a nice conversation. Hey, love to hang out sometime. And then we meet at a different place.

And then I can have that assumption moving into it. Well, this is where it gets a little tricky and I want to tread lightly. Yes.

Very sincerely. I want to approach this with a measure of humility. I’m a 52 year old married guy in the United States.

Right. And historically, masculine energy has been about he does. She receives.

Yes. Those roles have been changing over time. Definitely been changing in Western Europe.

The roles are may or may not even be there anymore. You’ll find men are a little bit more passive. So my advice is generally not to do the work for the man to put yourself in the role of, hey, do you want to hang out sometime? I’ve got a great place for us.

I’ll pick you up at nine. I’ll grab the check. I’ll lean in to make the first kiss.

Suddenly, when a woman takes on all of that role, then the guy doesn’t have a role. So I want to be very delicate to not say that this is the only way to be. But my belief is that women are going to be more empowered if you allow the guy to do the heavy lift.

Your job is to create the social conditions for him to make the move. So you create the after party. Yes.

He’s standing there. Right. You can go over to the bar, grab a drink, but you’re not approaching him.

You’re just grabbing a drink. He can see you over there. You can turn and smile.

That invites him to approach you for the drink. But he still has to do the thing. Right.

So what I want you to do, in my opinion, is do all the heavy lifting where you create the party. You approach him. You ask him out.

Suddenly you’re doing the masculine thing. And he’s a passive participant in this. It’s like you’re hitting on him.

And I want him to hit on you. Yes. Of course.

That’s what I want, too. I just want to make sure that they know that I am approachable. So what makes you approachable? Smile? Hold eye contact? That’s how a guy knows it’s safe.

So if you’re in a place and everybody’s on their phone, you can literally go up to three guys. It takes courage. And smile.

And here’s the great part. You’re not hitting on any of them. Hey, guys, how’s it going tonight? Finding any cute ladies here? I did a lap.

I didn’t think there was that much talent here. Here’s the good part. You’re not actually hitting on anybody when you do something like that.

And it takes confidence to be able to do that. I always found approaching groups of women to be easier than approaching individual women. Because no group of women could shoot you down.

An individual one could. So it’s the confidence to create social conditions. It’s the confidence to see a person.

And put yourself in his line of sight and smile at him. Which opens up the door for him to approach you. Knowing that his approach will be well received.

It’s being warm in curiosity and bubbly during the conversation. And having opinions and expressing those opinions. That might be a little bit edgier.

And it’s knowing, above all, that whatever guy you’re talking to is absolutely enamored with you. And if he had an opportunity, he’d want to be with you. And all you have to decide is whether he is good enough for you.

And that energy is, now you are the center of it all. It doesn’t have to be true. You just have to feel like it’s true.

And if you’ve ever seen a confident guy that you find desirable, he has that. It never occurs to him that someone’s not going to like him. Yeah, you’re right.

Well, thank you. Yes. So it’s hard to break this down into something that’s semi-scientific.

It’s a really challenging conversation, actually. But I hope it at least got you thinking and your wheels spinning a little bit. Absolutely.

I think two things that I can practice, at least so I get in the reps, I guess, is to, like you said, if I see two or three guys standing in a corner, hi guys, how’s it going? See any cute ladies tonight? And then smile and then I move on my way. So I sort of leave it open. But also this thing with social capital.

To invite, hey guys, this was great fun. Who wants to join me? Not does anyone. Who wants to join me to do this? I’m going to this.

Who’s with me? Yeah, who’s with me? So you become a leader. And so all of these are small subtle ways of signaling confidence. Confidence is the thing that makes people attractive.

People tend not to respond to insecure. And that’s the hard part. We’re all insecure.

So if you can sort of step into this confidence, people generally want to follow. Oh, she’s came up with something cool to do. Sure.

And then what happens? You become the person that people rally behind to do cool shit. And then women see you differently. And men see you differently.

And you see you differently. And you’re the same exact person you were before. So that’s the cool part is you really don’t have to change.

That’s why I started with, are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an extrovert, this is just a series of action steps. But you don’t have to go way outside your comfort zone or change your personality to do these things. Absolutely.

No, I think this is very doable because I like doing things. I like meeting people. Just going to an event isn’t that difficult for me.

Because I enjoy it. I get energy. But I think the more challenging or sort of where I can learn or grow is these things that we’ve been talking about.

I told this to someone the other day. It might have been on a coaching call. I forget.

I talk a lot. I just thought this was really clever. I remember this from years and years ago.

There was this great story of a woman at a bar, a big crowded hotel bar. I was there with a guy friend of mine. I’m in the early 30s.

This is 20 years ago. I see her across the room. She just does this.

She just puts up her finger and says, come to me. And I went… Wow. I was like, is that how easy it is? That’s really all you have to do? The answer, of course, is yes.

That’s how easy it is to get a guy to come over you. You just go like that. Could you imagine anything more powerful? It’s funny, but who doesn’t come over? Yeah.

If we see each other and I sort of smile… You’re looking at him and he’s like, come here. It’s like little things like that go a really, really long way. It’s simple and I need to practice.

That’s the thing. And that’s the good part. This kind of practice… You’ve done some really hard things in your life.

Learning these languages and being an immigrant. These are really challenging things where you’ve taken a huge leap. None of these things are a huge leap.

I should be able to manage. The funny part is you’ll be scared. Of course I am scared.

I’m a bit nervous, but I think I need to practice. If I go to these events, which I’m already going to be doing, and I see someone and I’m looking at them, they’re looking at me and I go… But it takes confidence just to do that. Hey, come over here.

And then he’ll come over here and he still has to charm you. You’re just the queen. He’s just the court jester.

So you never really have to worry. It’s their job to demonstrate to you. You are not hitting on them.

You are not asking him out. You are encouraging him to approach you. And what do you know? He wants you.

That’s all we know. How do we know he wants you? He came across the room when you said that. That’s how you know.

So there’s actually proof of concept. Thank you, Evan. It’s nine o’clock, so I will sleep on this.

But yeah, this was really helpful. Thank you. Awesome.

Well, it’s my pleasure. Thank you for taking your time out of your schedule. And please continue to listen to the podcast.

I’m here if you ever need me. Absolutely. My name is Evan Marquez.

This is the Love You Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to our guest, Shahrzad.

She was wonderful. Really curious. I think she’s going to be very successful at what we talked about today.

I think there’s going to be measurable results in a short period of time. And I look forward to receiving that email. If you’re a regular listener, please share on Spotify. Share your comments on Spotify, Apple, Facebook, YouTube, wherever you get your podcasts. In addition, join the revolution. It is called the Extraordinary Love Series, monthly lecture series, live Q&A, helping smart, strong, successful women attract high-value, commitment-oriented men.

Yes, they exist. I promise you just have to be able to get rid of the 90 percent of them who are not. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com and register. My name is Evan Marquez and if you go to evanmarckatz.com/now you can book a time with me to explore coaching the thing that we did with Shahrzad today. I could do this with you every other week. You could be part of a group of women who are going through the same process and get. 50 hours of time with me. That’s what happens when you join love you 50 hours of time, holding your hand through this process. And so those who want that level of personal attention, who want to get the best results fastest, go to evanmarckatz.com/now.

Thank you so much. I love you. I appreciate you. And I’ll see you. On the next podcast, bye.

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Last week, I shared that my wife has breast cancer. Hundreds of you wrote back with your thoughts and prayers. I was so touched that I did what I said I wasn’t going to do: I recorded a podcast about our situation, the importance of unconditional love, and my clients who have found it and credit me for helping them.

Warning: I blubber my way through this like you can’t even imagine. I’m not proud of it. But I’m truly moved by the love I feel in this moment and I thought this was the only way I could share with you.

I hope this touches the part of you that deeply wants to be loved.

Click here to follow my wife’s cancer journey.

Click here to help support my wife on her cancer journey.

What You’ll Hear:

I open up for the first time about my wife’s breast cancer diagnosis and why I decided to share something so personal on a podcast about dating and relationships.
You’ll hear how this unexpected health crisis has impacted our lives—and why we’ve chosen to treat it as a detour, not a tragedy.
I reflect on the emotional toll of navigating the healthcare system, changing doctors, and making life-altering decisions in a matter of days.
I share the incredible outpouring of love and support we’ve received from friends, clients, and complete strangers—and why it moved me more than I can say.
You’ll hear stories that show who my wife really is—resilient, joyful, and determined to keep living fully even in the face of chemo.
I explain why I believe marriage matters—not just for romance, but for moments like this, when having a true partner makes all the difference.
I read three powerful testimonials from women whose lives were changed by Love U—proof that even in dark moments, this work is deeply meaningful.
And finally, I talk about why I’m not stepping back from coaching during this season of life—because love, purpose, and connection matter now more than ever.

Full Episode Transcript:

Last month, my wife was diagnosed with stage 2 triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma. Since then, everything’s been a whirlwind. I posted on social media about it last week and haven’t talked about it publicly because of a few reasons.

A, I wasn’t sure I could do this without crying and B, I wasn’t sure anyone was interested. People turned to me for dating and relationship advice, not my personal life or my thoughts on cancer. But then I read the comments on social media and the emails in my inbox and I realized that people really do care.

Like, so much that I can’t quite describe it unless you’re also a semi-public figure. Not only do I have 1600 real life friends on Facebook offering me their prayers and doctors and alternate remedies, but I have thousands of readers and listeners who’ve grown up with me over the past 22 years. People who’ve been… sorry, I’m reading from a script that I wrote.

People who’ve witnessed my journey from 31 year old single guy to 53 year old married guy and are invested in my marriage and my happiness. It’s been astonishing. So while I don’t want to let breast cancer hijack my podcast, I don’t think it would be authentic to act like nothing’s going on because, well, a lot is going on.

Today’s episode will be about my thoughts and feelings about the subject, but most episodes in the upcoming future will be the same kind of dating and relationship advice you’ve come to expect and are the main reason you’re listening. My guess is I’ll probably do a once a month check-in on my wife’s situation for those who are interested. With that out of the way, here is the very latest news, like up-to-the-minute news on my wife’s breast cancer.

So she was diagnosed in late June. We were given a doctor and a course of treatment. She was supposed to have a lumpectomy.

We went public on our private Facebook group to get second opinions and, well, a lot happened since then. So thanks to all of our Facebook friends who offered second opinions and doctors, we ended up changing our doctor, changing our insurance, and changing our treatment plan, and that has been taking up the bulk of my past three weeks. It was a lot of work, it was incredibly stressful, and it’s an indictment of the entire health care system, but I’m not going to get into the weeds about that.

The bad news is that my wife came perilously close to having unnecessary surgery and we’ve had to let the cancer grow in her body for probably an extra three weeks than we would have liked. The good news is that we now have an oncologist at Cedars-Sinai and my wife’s treatments begin on August 4th. As a couple, we’ve been very lucky to have largely avoided tragedy throughout our marriage.

We’ve been together for over 17 years and one of the only things that ever happened to us, it’s not a story I tell frequently, was our trouble getting pregnant. We got married about a month before my wife turned 39, we immediately started trying for kids, we had two chemical pregnancies, she had a fibroid surgery, and she had two miscarriages as well before she gave birth at 41 and 42. I do remember when she had a miscarriage, I don’t remember which one it was, whether it was the first or the second, she, you know, it was devastating.

She had to go to the doctor to get a D&C and I was there and I was holding her hand through the process and I remember that night she said, do you think we should still go to salsa lessons tonight? I mean, I’m feeling fine, there’s no reason for me to sit at home, you know, lamenting what happened and I thought that most encapsulated who she is, right? There’s no right or wrong way to mourn. I know people who’ve gone into deep dark depressions post-miscarriage. My wife and I went to salsa lessons because that’s what we did every week and so why should we let this get in the way of us living our lives? That’s the way we’re dealing with things right now.

We’re just trying to make the best of the circumstances and honestly, pack in as much fun and love as we can before the shit starts to go down. So, two weeks ago and again, this is after the diagnosis and while we’re scrambling to find doctors, we went for a weekend wine tasting with another couple in Los Olivos, sight of sideways. Last weekend, I scrapped my annual backyard pool party and instead had a spontaneous potluck dinner for my wife with 30 friends who came out to see her with virtually no notice.

And because our 17-day summer vacation, we’re going to take a family road trip to Colorado since that has now been scrapped due to upcoming chemo treatments, we’re doing a two and a half day summer vacation which is pretty much all we can get done before chemo starts on August 4th. So, we’re trying not to treat this as life and death. It might be, but we’re not looking at it like that.

We’re looking at it as an interruption, something closer to the pandemic than to a horror movie. It sucks for all of us but especially my wife that she’s going to have to be in so much discomfort and lose her hair and be tired all the time, but it is a thing that’s happening that we can’t do anything about and we just have to get through to the other side. As for me, I’ve spent most of my life trying to help other people.

I’m learning to accept help from others. Oh God, this is where I’m going to cry. So, I’m learning to accept help from others.

There are people who often offer to send us meals or take the kids for a weekend. Right now, it’s just too early to know what kind of support we’re going to need. We are grateful to feel so much love coming from all over the internet.

It’s comforting to know how many people have been through some version of this process who had similar diagnoses and come out on the other side stronger, but I think the main reason I’m choosing to do this podcast and again, I was just going to write about it because I knew I was going to cry. The reason I’m doing this is twofold. Sometime in the past couple of weeks, the thought dawned upon me that early in my marriage when I was writing about the difference between being single and getting married and making a good choice with your partner, I was starting to formulate my theories about what’s really important in a person.

Probably started coming up with the idea of the five C’s, character, kindness, consistency, communication, commitment, and exalting those virtues, at least on an equal plane with what most people do, which is chemistry and common interests. So then the example I would give, and again, I just remember this, it just hit me. I would always give this example when I was coaching.

You may look for a guy online who’s six feet tall and makes six figures, but what you really need is a guy who’s going to drive you to your chemo treatments in 20 years. That’s what I said. Who knew how prophetic that was going to be? Naturally, the thought occurred to me about how my wife would take care of me if the roles were reversed.

This is why I’m such a big believer in love and in marriage. Not that you can’t go through cancer with just the support of your close girlfriends or not that you need a piece of paper to validate your love, but there’s something about the commitment to the commitment to be there for someone for the rest of their lives that is indubitably deeper and more binding than just being boyfriend and girlfriend and seeing each other for dinner and sex and travel every other weekend. It’s just different.

This brings me to three emails that I received this week that came off the heels of my wife’s cancer announcement. These emails have been unedited, so if they sound a little more self-aggrandizing than I would like, I’ll take that. I did not write any of these words, but I’m sharing them with you for a reason.

This is the reason that I do this job. You should have seen my wedding vows. Anyway, here we go.

I want to thank you wholeheartedly for love you and for all of your coaching. I’m now 60. I was a widow to suicide in 2017 after 22 years of marriage.

It wasn’t a good marriage and I’m just as responsible for that as he was. I’d had a brief marriage before that. My first one ended in him leaving abruptly with no warning and no hint that anything was wrong.

Along with my physical healing, I’ve done a lot of emotional healing, trauma resolution, mindset improvement, et cetera. It took me nearly five years to be willing to try dating, and then there was a year plus of very mismatched first dates. Then there was a series of five men that I had two to three dates each, and each taught me a clear lesson that stuck with me permanently.

Two years ago this month, I met my boyfriend. We are completely mismatched on paper. If I’d just seen his profile, I wouldn’t have even paused on it, but thankfully he wrote to me.

I’m an MD. He has only a high school education. I’m from just outside Chicago, grew up liberal, and have traveled the world.

He’s a former independent dairy farmer who still lives on the farm he was born on, is very conservative, and only been out of his state twice to adjacent states for maybe a total of 10 days in his entire childhood and 36 years of farming. We lived nearly two hours apart when we met and now live just an hour apart. We spend eight to 12 days a month together and talk every day.

We live closer, but we’re in different states, and I want to keep my medical license and not go through the hassle of getting licensed in another state. I love and need to dance, ballroom Latin swing, and he’d still be afraid he’d be too awkward. And yet we’re blissfully happy together, both being loved correctly for the first time in our lives.

There’s total acceptance in both directions. I feel completely seen, heard, and understood. He feels completely accepted, appreciated, and admired.

I can’t tell you what that means when people use my words. I can’t describe it. Of course, we have common interests.

We never stop having fun with each other. Lots of playful teasing and flirting, even though we almost never go out. I probably had one out of 10 physical attraction for him initially, but it didn’t take long for me to be unable to keep my hands off of him after an entire adult life of next to no libido to really enjoy our frequent and fantastic sex life.

We never fight. Of course, we’ve had some disagreements and issues to resolve. Our love has only grown deeper, and I anticipate we’ll be together forever.

I can’t thank you enough for all you taught and all that I passed on to my daughter, who got out of a non-accepting relationship and is now a great one, and to my 23-year-old son, who has a history of dating women he tries to rescue and is now understanding why that will never work. Feel free to use that as a testimonial. Marnie, I’m sorry I can’t do a very good job of quitting these women’s words.

I’ve always been a crier, so I just got to plow my way through this one. There’s two more. Dear Evan, thanks for the work you do, not only the brilliant content, but also the way you process love with people.

You are real, kind, honest, and nuanced. You’re fun and creative and passionate in your podcasts and writings. I’m going to power through, I swear.

I’m married to the love of my life because your work created synchronicity for me to meet the man I hoped for. In brief, I was married for 25 years to a successful and unkind man. Nonetheless, I got out and thrived.

Dating, however, was a terrifying new experience. I have 15 children, 10 adopted from hard places. I’m a trauma counselor and instructor at a university.

I’m busy and passionate about the work I do, but love has been something I’d always believed was possible. I listened and read a lot, found your podcast. In fact, I think I’ve listened to all of your podcasts since I began a few years ago.

I never joined coaching because I didn’t need to. Your advice simply works. I try to do exactly what you said on the apps, including winding my lens, thinking outside the box, engaging at the right level, focusing 30 minutes a day, staying open even through dates with guys who didn’t interest me and allowing the progression.

Within six months, I met a man who did it right. He loved me, pursued me, and married me. We’ve been married for over a year.

I never thought I would find the one, especially since I have a big career and lots of kiddos. He not only loves me, but appreciates it all. Of course, we have the normal relationship challenges, but love is the foundation, and mutual admiration lays the guardrails.

I’ve never experienced this kind of love. It’s the joy of my life, so I wanted to say thank you. Your work works.

If only people will listen and try. Today, I still listen to every podcast. The relationship advice works, whether married or dating.

I pass on the dating information to my friends and clients, because after trauma, people still want to find the love of their life. Thank you, Evan. Thank you for what you do.

I know you know it matters, but wow, it truly does. If I can do anything to support you during this time, let me know. Jodi.

And then the last one. Hi, Evan. You may remember me, one of your earlier clients, now happily paired for 14 years.

I still read your emails and recommend them to others who could benefit. This just hit me as if it came from a close friend. I was so sorry to read about your wife.

I’m not good with words to express my wishes for you, but I want to tell you, I’ll be thinking about you and your wife, sending all the good vibes I can muster. I hope you’ll continue to send emails like this to keep the people who care about you posted on her progress. With Karen, Ruth, 14 years ago, Ruth was 75 when she came to me for help.

She got married, actually, with my help at age 75. She’s now 89 years old. I just can’t express how grateful I am to have done this work and to have real people sending me love back.

I just can’t describe it any other way. So I know you’re aware of this, anybody who’s made it this far into the podcast, but I think it’s important for me to say that yes, cancer is overwhelming and it’s unpredictable, but it’s the thing that has clarified the meaning of everything I’ve done for 20 years and how I so much enjoy this work and helping other people get the thing that I have that’s making me cry. So right now, right this second, I’ve got three clients who signed up with me in February who are graduating six months of LoveU with boyfriends.

So cancer, big, crazy, unpredictable, I can’t control that. The thing I can control is this, what I do every day, and my work doesn’t stop because my wife has cancer. This is what I’m diving into.

This is the thing that I’m most passionate about. So if you could get past the tears and you really want help finding something special like the women who wrote to me today, go to evanmarkatz.com/now to book a time to talk to me next week after our little family vacation when I’m back from that trip and I’m going to dive back into my work and give all of my love to my clients. That’s what I’m here for.

That’s the meaning of life. I swear. It’s the meaning of life.

Just minutes ago, I created a CaringBridge link to keep people updated on my wife’s situation. I’ve been told it’s what people do. I’ve never done it before.

I just threw one thing on there. So if you’re curious about how we’re doing and you don’t want to be bored by tears in every podcast, I highly recommend that you check out the link that we probably put in the show notes if I do it right. In the meantime, thank you for bearing with me and these tears.

I wish I was able to talk without tears. I’m a pretty good writer, but man, I just can’t get through emotional speeches. I just can’t do it.

So thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being part of it, and I’ll see you really soon.

Take care.

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Have you ever had an amazing connection with a man—only to find yourself heartbroken and confused when it didn’t last? In this Love U Podcast, I break down the three sneaky but predictable reasons relationships fail, even when everything feels right: timing, circumstance, and location. If you’ve ever fallen for a guy who wasn’t ready, was juggling too much, or lived too far away, this episode is for you. I’ll help you spot these traps early so you don’t waste time on someone who can’t go the distance. Tune in now to protect your heart, trust your instincts, and date with confidence.

What You’ll Hear:

I break down the heartbreaking pattern so many women face—going from “he’s the one” to wondering what went wrong.
You’ll hear the three biggest reasons promising relationships still fail: bad timing, messy life circumstances, and long-distance dynamics that feel romantic but rarely work.
I explain why chemistry and connection aren’t enough—and how even great guys can derail your future if they’re not ready or available in real life.
I unpack how to spot these red flags early, before you invest months (or years) trying to fix something that was never sustainable.
You’ll hear stories of women who bet on potential, ignored timing, and ended up stuck in relationships that drained them—and how you can avoid the same fate.
I give you clear, actionable dating wisdom so you stop choosing “maybes” and start making smarter decisions that lead to lasting love.
And finally, I share why the right relationship isn’t supposed to be hard—and how to know when the timing, circumstances, and location are finally working in your favor.

Full Episode Transcript:
You’re in love.

You have the deepest connection. You’ve never felt anything like it. You both agree that you just know that you finally met your person, the one.

One year later, you’re single. You’re depressed. You’re devastated, and you’re trying to make sense of where you went wrong.

In today’s episode, I’m going to tell you. My name is Evan Marc Katz. This is the Love U Podcast.

This is an episode you absolutely want to stick around for because I’m going to be dropping some real hard-hitting, truth-telling knowledge. But you’ve got to stick around until the end. This podcast is sponsored by absolutely no one.

So, to spread the word, make sure you subscribe on Spotify. Subscribe on Apple. Leave us a positive review, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

It actually means a lot, so make sure you take care of that. If you haven’t already done so at some point in time. And before we get into the nitty-gritty of today’s podcast, I want to remind you that the Extraordinary Love series continues on.

It grows by about 100 people every month. I do a live Zoom call with a live Q&A on a very specific topic. The next month’s topic is what high-quality men want in a long-term partner.

Join the movement. It is now a movement. Once you have over 500 people, it’s got to be a movement, right? So, join us on the Extraordinary Love series.

Extraordinaryloveseries.com. Put in your name, email address, and phone number to get reminders. And now, without further ado, three reasons your relationship will likely fail. Now, I don’t want to be a pessimist.

I’m a dating relationship optimist. You couldn’t do this job if you weren’t. But you don’t have to be Nostradamus to recognize that most relationships do fail.

So, this title is not remotely controversial. If you were texting eight guys on Bumble now, if I were a betting man, I would bet against any of those eight guys on Bumble being your future husband. So, that’s where we come up with the love you idea of long-term, short-term optimism.

Sorry, I got it backwards. Short-term pessimism and long-term optimism. We don’t expect anything from any one guy.

And at the same time, there’s 70 million married people in America. Half of all couples start online. There’s no reason to be a pessimist about love when many, many, many people still fall in love and get married, especially people who are college-educated, six-figure earners are the most likely to get married.

So, no need to be gloom and doom. That’s not the point of this podcast. I just had to slip that in because it’s always important to remember you could be a short-term pessimist and realize that most relationships don’t work, but if you play your cards right, there’s every reason to think that you will get happy again one day.

So, this is a podcast for people who want to make good relationship choices where the stakes become higher. We don’t expect anything from one guy, but eventually you’re going to meet a guy and you’re going to have sex with that guy and you’re going to open up to that guy. You’re going to introduce him to your friends and your family.

You’re going to talk about a future and you want to know that you’re doing this with the right person because you can meet someone and feel a deep connection. You could be perfect on paper and you could run a simulation through a computer and discover most relationships will still end in failure. Why? When you have a deep connection, he has a deep connection with you and everything looks perfect on paper, will relationships still end up failing? That’s what we’re talking about here today.

And there are three reasons that are kind of obvious that I haven’t heard put into a little listicle before, so we’re going to do that today. Number one, timing. Even the right person at the wrong time could be a broken relationship.

So, here’s some examples. There are infinite examples of this. He’s separated and emotionally raw.

Now, maybe he’s been separated for a week, but maybe he’s been separated for a year or two. So, you come along. He’s been in a loveless, maybe sexless marriage for a long period of time.

He throws everything into his relationship with you. You fall deeply in love with each other and this feeling, this relationship is real. We’re not minimizing what you’re feeling.

The problem is two years in, you’re looking to get a wedding ring often, right? And the ink is just drying on his divorce papers. So, you’re just in different places in terms of what you want. He might be a great guy, but he might be a great guy who you’re meeting at the wrong time in his life, where your needs are different and it doesn’t mean there’s any bad actors, right? Or imagine a scenario where you’re thriving in your career, but his career is tanking.

Maybe he’s been downsized in his middle age. Maybe he’s no longer motivated. Maybe he went out of business because of market circumstances, but he is on shaky ground.

Maybe he’s unemployed and he’s not bringing in anything, but he’s certainly not going to be the best version of himself. He’s not going to be that confident. He’s not going to be as masculine, ready to protect and provide and take care of you, since he could barely take care of himself and he’s probably feeling like a shell of himself.

So, another example of where it doesn’t mean he’s not a good man. He’s a good man at a bad time in his life and until he gets back on his feet, I would not really entertain it. It is not your job to see him through this time.

It’s not like you’re married for 20 years and he lost his job. This is the guy you just met. So timing really, really matters.

The most obvious example of timing is you’re 38, he’s 34. You very much want to start a family and the guy you’re dating is maybe open to marriage. He could be open to kids.

The maybe guy is the most dangerous guy because you hear, oh, I could work with this. I like him. I love him.

Maybe could mean yes. Yeah, and maybe could also mean no. You could sink two years into a relationship with a 34-year-old man.

You’re now 40. He’s 36. And you’re thinking, all right, so we’re doing this.

And he’s like, I don’t know if I want to get married and have kids. And now you’re there holding the bag. Easily avoided if you don’t date the maybe who isn’t sure if he wants to get married, isn’t sure if he wants to have kids.

He’s just a different person at a different time and you banked on your connection and the potential. So love is not just about chemistry. We know that.

But chemistry takes on a disproportionate weight. Alignment and timing is as important because you could have all the chemistry. You could have everything add up on paper.

But if you find a guy who’s at the wrong time in his life where he is not ready to build something with you because something’s broken in his world, doesn’t matter. And I wouldn’t even get started on a relationship like that. You’ve got to come from a place of abundance to be able to say no to a great connection with a guy who has some external timing issues that are going to prevent him from being a good boyfriend and future partner.

Second thing, and I realized as I was writing this, it’s a little bit like the first thing. And I separate it from timing. I call it circumstance.

So circumstance, I mean that’s just life conditions. Shit happens. So imagine you’re dating a single dad.

You’re both in your late 40s. And suddenly his unreliable ex-wife can’t handle anything. And so he’s got full custody of kids.

Now he doesn’t have every other week off or weekends free. He’s the guy who’s got the full-time job. That’s going to take energy and time away from you.

Doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. But it might mean your relationship is not going to be what you want it to be. And you’re going to be squeezed out by his lack of quality time because he can only give so much when he’s the full-time parent.

I’ve got a lot of women who work with me who are the full-time parent. They know exactly what it’s like. But you’re going to have to accept less from your partner.

Not everybody gets that. Maybe you fall for a guy who’s in start-up mode. There’s another circumstantial thing.

You’ve got a hard-working entrepreneurial guy, leaves the big corporations, goes into start-ups. Start-ups are notoriously hard for the amount of hours that they demand. So your guy barely has time to sleep.

Or maybe he’s on a law firm track and he’s working 60, 70 hours a week. It’s really exciting to know that you’ve got an ambitious, successful guy who can take a luxury vacation. But you might not get much of a partner out of that.

So whether his whole personality is the workaholic and you finish second, or this is a time of his life where he’s working 70 hours and he might be able to see you for three hours on a Friday night, that relationship might work for him. Hey, it’s great to have a girlfriend who’s waiting for me when I get out of work all bleary-eyed. But it might not work for you.

And I have a love you saying, you can’t have a relationship with a man dependent upon him changing for you. Yes, circumstances can change. I just don’t like waiting for them to.

You really want to meet a guy who’s at a good time in his life, at a balanced time in his life, where he does have room for you. Another circumstantial thing. You meet a guy who is sober, but he is in active recovery.

It’s not that far away from it. So he’s just trying to regain his footing, trying to regain his faith in himself and his trust in his friends and his family. He might not have much to give in terms of building a life with you if that’s what you’re looking for.

So no shade on people in recovery. Just know that there’s only so much hard things we can do at once, I’ve discovered. I’ve talked to people who were in the process of moving or switching jobs or losing weight, and it’s detracted from their focus on their own dating coaching.

There’s only a finite number of hours in the day. So when someone is taking on a big project at the same time he’s taking on love, sometimes those circumstances, and in reverse, by the way, if you feel personally indicted by anything I’m saying, that’s often useful too, to maybe not look for love when you are in major transition with something else. So I’m not trying to stop you from finding love, but I really want to make sure that you know that there’s really good circumstances.

When people hire me, it’s usually in those best circumstances. I’ll circle back to that at the end. So circumstance has a lot to do with love.

It’s not about blame. We don’t have to blame guys for having shit happen in their life that knocks them off course. It is just realizing that alignment and timing has so much to do with whether relationships are going to work.

My story, you know, I wouldn’t have chosen my wife when I was 32 because she was in a relationship with someone else. I wouldn’t have chosen her when I was 36 because she would have been 39, and if I wanted to have two kids, that would be high risk. The only time I could have met my wife was the time that I did, when I was 34 and she was 37.

That worked. We pounced on that opportunity. But the same two people meeting at different times are two ships passing in the night, and that’s okay.

You’ve got to choose your spot. Third thing that causes relationships to fail more than we want to acknowledge, and I don’t know why everybody on the internet isn’t on this train, but I will keep on pounding this, is location. Long distance relationships are set up to fail.

I’ll give you three reasons why, so we don’t have to do a whole podcast about it. I’ve already done a whole podcast about it, but long distance relationships are high risk for three main reasons. Number one, your relationship isn’t real until you’re together.

It’s vacation love. It’s a fantasy. Two people could fall in love at Club Med and be from different states or different countries and try to keep it going and fly back to see each other.

But until you’re actually together, it’s pretty much vacation love, which means it’s fun and easy and exciting, but it hasn’t hit reality yet. Number two, someone has to uproot their life for it to work, so you can have a genuine connection with someone long distance. I’m not taking anything away from it.

There are long distance relationships that work. My sister is in one, but for it to work, my sister had to leave New York and move to San Francisco. That’s a high risk move, especially if when they move in together, they realize their relationship isn’t as strong as it was when they were talking on the phone.

Very, very different circumstance. So someone has to pick up and uproot their life and leave their friends and family or sell their house, and that’s a high risk move for any relationship. Another third thing that dawned upon me relatively recently is that it’s really easy for an avoidant guy to stay in a long distance relationship.

In fact, it’s a perfect relationship for a guy who doesn’t want that full integrated partnership, out of sight, out of mind. He can see you once a month. He doesn’t have to deal with the day-to-day bullshit very much.

And for a guy who wants to keep some distance, a literal long distance relationship is perfect. And it’s not always easy to tell that that’s literally all the guy wants. That’s why he chooses a long distance relationship.

It’s like having a mistress. What’s the lowest maintenance relationship I could have? Not what’s something where I really want to build something with someone. So it’s very easy to get caught up in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t really want a full relationship.

It works long distance. It doesn’t always work up close. And you’ve probably seen evidence of this over the years.

So there’s plenty of examples of long distance. We don’t have to go into all of them. He lives in Boston, and he’s tied to his career.

And you’re a digital nomad in L.A., but you really want him to come to you because you like the West Coast. And people tend to get anchored in a place. And even if there’s the willingness to move, it doesn’t always mean that the move works out.

And now you find yourself in a new city because of someone that you broke up with. Or the commute, right? We think we can make it work. It’s only two hours away.

But eventually it becomes kind of draining to go back and forth two hours every Friday night in rush hour traffic. And fatigue builds, and resentment builds. And it’s just a harder relationship.

So it doesn’t mean there’s no examples of it. I’ve got a client who I interviewed for this podcast named Victoria. She’s got a boyfriend.

They’ve been together for years. He drives six hours to her. It’s a great setup for her.

But he drives six hours to her. I don’t think that happens very often where a guy’s going to drive six hours to you and not ask for anything back. So buyer beware.

It’s not that it’s impossible, but I think it’s high risk, and I think it’s better avoided. Compatibility, right? How the system works. Location is part of compatibility.

And we can’t just sort of pretend it’s this one minor X factor. It’s a huge factor. So in my world, if I’m giving sort of top-down advice from people, I’m trying to avoid predictable things that you could pick up within the first five weeks of dating.

And if we go through this whole thing, if we just go through this podcast and talk about things that you’ve probably done in the past that haven’t worked, we’ve touched on a bunch of them. Long-distance relationships, relationships with men who are at a bad time in their life, whether it’s employment or addiction or issues with ex-wives and kids, guys who don’t know if they ever want to get married, guys who don’t know if they ever want to have kids, guys who are just sort of general maybes. These are absolute no-nos that people think, well, but isn’t that most guys? Yes, that’s why we avoid most guys.

That’s sort of the point. If you go to evanmarckatz.com/10men, I think you can download a PDF that outlines, here are the 10 guys that you avoid when you’re dating. And they’re the guys that we talked about here today.

It doesn’t mean you can’t have a connection. It doesn’t mean you can’t genuinely love them. It doesn’t mean they’re bad men.

It means the circumstances of their life are such that it’s unlikely that a pairing is going to work. And you don’t have to sink one year, five years, ten years into them. You can figure this out in the first five, six weeks of dating before you become boyfriend, girlfriend, before you sleep together.

It doesn’t take long to have these guys reveal these things about themselves. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve coached over the years who are in three-year, five-year, seven-year relationships with guys where they were in so deep they had such sunk costs trying to figure out how to get the long-distance guy to move to them. To get the guy who didn’t want to get married ever to propose to them.

Or the guy who doesn’t want to have kids is kind of kicking and screaming about you putting pressure on him. Or the guy who is a workaholic, you’re making him feel guilty and he’s blowing up at you that he’s working for you. God, how many versions of this story have we seen? So it doesn’t have to be that hard.

I know people glorify relationships take work. I don’t glorify that. A good relationship is easy.

And the best time to do it is when you’re at a good place in life. I have people on my mailing list for five years, ten years. There’s recently a woman who was 50.

She told me she got on my list when she was 50 when she was first divorced. She didn’t hire me until 60. Why? Timing.

She was working on herself. She was getting over her ex. She was losing weight.

She was trying to get on her own two feet independently to see what life was like without him. She was raising kids. She was busy at work.

There was always very valid reasons as to why someone doesn’t hire me. The people who hire me are the people who are like, I am ready. Life is good.

What I’m missing is a partner. That’s the timing of the man that you want to meet, a guy who’s really ready for you instead of trying to make circumstances and timing and location not matter because they matter so very much. So if you’re at a good place in life right now, this is the time.

Your next action, go to evanmarckatz.com/now. Book a time to talk with me. I’m just going to ask you questions about yourself.

Listen to your answers. Make sure that you’re doing something proactively, not just listening to a podcast, which is informative, but taking active steps to date and choose higher quality men who are emotionally available and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m pulling for you.

Thank you for listening. This is the Love You Podcast. My name is Evan Marc Katz.

If you haven’t already given us a positive review, please do so. If you have not subscribed to the Extraordinary Love Series at extraordinaryloveseries.com, it is free. It’s a live lecture, a live Q&A, the ability to ask me questions and have me answer them.

It’s my pleasure. I love doing it, so I hope to see you there. And as always, I love you, I appreciate you, I thank you for listening, and I look forward to seeing you again next week.

Take care. Bye bye.

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Have you ever felt like your past has permanently shaped your love life? In this deeply personal episode, I share the emotional journey of my client Lorelei—a smart, successful woman whose early experiences with an abusive father and controlling husband convinced her she was unlovable. We explore how trauma can create limiting beliefs that sabotage your dating life and how genuine emotional safety—yes, even from a male coach—can start to heal that. If you’ve struggled to trust men or believe that love is still possible for you, this episode will give you hope, insight, and a path forward. Tune in to rediscover what’s possible in love, no matter your age or past.

What You’ll Hear:

I share an emotional coaching session with my client, Lorelei, a smart, beautiful woman in her 60s who’s finally confronting the childhood wounds that shaped her entire love life.
You’ll hear the devastating belief her inner child whispered—“If no man has loved me in 60 years, nobody ever will”—and how we’re slowly rewriting that story together.
I talk about how so many women unknowingly base their entire view of men on just two relationships: their father and their ex-husband.
I unpack how your early experiences with men can quietly dictate who you choose, how you feel about yourself, and what you believe you deserve.
You’ll hear how Lorelei began to trust again—not just in the process, but in me as a man—despite having every reason not to.
I reflect on the unexpected role I’ve come to play for some of my clients: the first man who makes them feel safe, heard, and understood.
I explain why seeing love modeled in real life matters—and what happens when you’ve only ever seen dysfunction.
I talk about the emotional breakthrough that helped Lorelei go from fear and paralysis to finally getting online and believing love might actually be possible for her.
I share why I believe the second half of Lorelei’s life is going to be better than the first—and how that can be true for you, too.
And finally, I invite you to open your heart to a new chapter, one where you stop living by old pain and start creating the love story you’ve always deserved.

Full Episode Transcript

We’re going deep today. I’m not going to say that I’m going to cry, but I’m not saying I’m not going to cry either.

This episode is for every woman who’s had challenging relationships with her dad and subsequently with every other man that’s ever come into your life. There is hope for you. So please stick around for this entire episode.

My name is Evan Marc Katz. This is the Love U Podcast. Thank you for listening.

I really appreciate you. The Love U Podcast is a place where you can learn everything there is to know about dating and relationships, sex, and men from a man’s point of view. I have been doing this podcast since 2016, been a dating coach since 2003 before there were such things as dating coaches.

And so hopefully I have something to share with you that might be insightful. And I really appreciate you subscribing on Spotify, on Apple, all the positive reviews and five-star things. If you haven’t given us a review, it’s been like a month since I’ve gotten a comment.

So maybe you could be the person who makes my day and offers me a nice comment about what you get out of listening to the show. I’m also excited before we get started in the meat of today’s podcast to tell you about the next installment of the Extraordinary Love series. I do that the third Wednesday of every month.

It’s a Zoom call with a specific topic and a live Q&A every single month for free. We’ve had over 500 women registered. I think this month might be over 600 women registered in total.

And it’s something that you definitely want to be a part of this month’s topic, what high-quality men want in a long-term partner. And so go to extraordinaryloveseries.com, put in your name, email address, and phone number, and I will see you on the next Extraordinary Love series. So 22 years into this, that’s how long I’ve been doing this, I keep learning.

It’s a fun part of the job. It would be terrible if I was just running on autopilot and never, you know, I just, I talk at people rather than with people. But the nicest part about this is when you deal with human beings and you listen, you have always something reflected back to you that you haven’t seen before.

So I have a relationship that I think is pretty special with a client of mine named Lorelei. We’ll call her Lorelei for this sake. She’s beautiful, she’s bright, she is, I think she’s around 60 years old, and she has overcome so much in her life.

On the outside, you look at the life she had, she was living the dream, she was married to a very successful man for 25, 30 years. She got to be the stay-at-home mom that she wanted to be, to devote all her energy to her family. That’s what you would see from the outside.

From the inside, she felt small and disregarded and unintelligent and unimportant and controlled. She was trapped in somewhat of a prison for her entire adult life. And it all started, again, without breaching her trust, this is not an unusual story, it started way back in her childhood.

Physical, emotional abuse from her father set a template about how men are and why you should be with them. She was unprotected by her mother, and it taught her that the world was an unsafe place, that you had to go along with things that you didn’t like, and that her opinion and voice didn’t really matter. If I talk about being the CEO of your love life, this lovely Lorelei has never felt like the CEO of her life.

And she carried that belief into her marriage and chose a man who vaguely resembled her father, another controlling guy who was detached from her and her emotions, and he gave her enough of a good life that she couldn’t see how to escape. It never really had the courage to leave. And so, as I said, this is a painful story, but it’s not an uncommon story from where I sit.

So a few weeks ago, I’m coaching Lorelei, we do these one-on-one Zooms, she’s a private client of mine, and I was picking up on her ambient anxiety about dating, and to some degree about coaching with me. Just because you’re on Zoom doesn’t mean you can’t get a vibe from someone. So I was getting some sense of fear about dating and men, and maybe her belief in what we were doing together.

And she said something to me that was so profound, I was like, I’m writing this down, I’m going to talk about this in a podcast. So she said she had a conversation with her inner child, and this is work she’s done on her own, it’s nothing to do with me. The little girl voice inside of her, because that’s our formative years.

I mean, I wouldn’t put an inner child next to me and say, hey, meet little Evan. But I do think that there’s definitely an inner child voice that everybody has. This one for her is the person who’s the victim of so much abuse.

These are her earliest memories. So her inner child, while she and I are working together, said, and this is her quote, if no man has loved me in 60 years, not my father, or my ex-husband, or any other man, nobody will. This is proof that I am unlovable, unworthy.

So I was, that’s devastating to hear. And so what I was picking up was her fighting her resistance to this process of just being loved. And again, I don’t want to throw the word love around too loosely.

I wouldn’t want my clients to fall in love with me. I don’t fall in love with my clients. What I do is show them love.

I show them what it feels like to be loved, to have someone who is in your corner, who’s not judging you, who’s not abandoning you, whose goal is your happiness. That’s the not-so-secret secret of my business. And so she’s so wary of men, and I happen to be a man.

And so I’m overcoming 60 years of her inner child saying, no, he’s just another man. You’re not safe, whether it’s with me or with any other guy on the planet. And so when I gently point it out, and this is logic in the face of very deep emotion, but it’s sort of unassailable logic.

Her sample size of men is two. It’s her father and it’s her husband. And these are the guys who did the major damage in her life.

So there’s billions, millions, depends on how big or small you want your community to be, but there’s an infinite number of men out there. And the number of men who are her vision of how men are is two. So she was born into the family with one, right? That’s her father.

That sets the template for the husband she chooses. It’s like she’s got blinders on, right? So she interacts and devotes her life to two men who are constitutionally incapable of being the self-aware, sensitive, selfless guy who can make for a good husband, right? She didn’t barely choose either of them. It was almost like it was given to her.

So why would she draw the worst possible conclusion about herself? That because there are two bad men that she spent most of her life with, that somehow that’s about her. That’s absolutely the last conclusion I would want her to draw. And the conversation continued because she heard me and she’s like, you know, logically that makes sense that it is only two men.

I get that, but those are the only men in my life. And she explained further, and we talked about just different paths growing up. She explained further that she has no friends who are in really happy marriages and therefore she has no relationship role models to either inspire her to a good relationship or show her what it even looks like or feels like to have a relationship.

It’s someone who’s blind, who’s trying to paint a landscape or something like that. It’s not her fault, but it’s really hard to know what you’re going for if you’re not around it all the time. And so this led me to think that she basically knows two types of people at her juncture in life.

People who come from dysfunctional families and have dysfunctional marriages and stay in dysfunctional marriages for 20, 30, 40 years, right? Like, oh, I guess this is what love is to people who give each other the silent treatment and berate each other and cheat on each other. And I mean, I guess that’s a version of reality. That’s what she was used to in her family.

Or people who are friends of hers who are in sort of normal marriage that sort of deteriorated. It’s not abusive. It’s just two people who don’t really love each other.

And this is my point. She’s got friends like this, right? Marriages that exist sort of in name, but the kids are out of the house. They don’t make love.

They don’t do loving actions for each other. They minimize the amount of time they spend together. It’s just more marriage in name.

And again, I know that those sort of things exist. I’m not denying their existence. They’re extremely common.

But this is her only entryway into marriage are those two stories, the neglectful marriage and the abusive marriage. And so it helps to know people who are walking the walk, right? And this is anything. If you want to learn to be a successful businessman, it probably helps to work at a company with other successful businessmen and so on and so forth.

My wife opted out of her career and she took a bunch of mommy and me classes with other people who’d done this before and could teach her how to do this better so it wasn’t so scary. I mean, we are all constantly learning from people who have done it before and theoretically done it better. And then my client, Lorelei, said something that really kind of floored me.

And the reason I’m recounting this whole conversation is that it was profound and there were kind of things dropping that I hadn’t considered before. She said, I, me, Evan, was serving the role that her father and brother and husband should have served, right? And I hadn’t quite contemplated that before. And this big revelation, like I knew it was my job to show people love, but she told me I didn’t understand the power that I had.

I never thought of this as a power position, right? That I was being tasked with being the man that she should want to date, not literally, figuratively, right? Leading, right? Like all the stuff I talk about here, leading with character, kindness, consistency, communication, making each of my clients feel safe, heard, and understood. The stuff that I say you should get from your partner is stuff that I got to exhibit in every interaction. Every word that I say has to lend credence to the idea that I’m obviously not the only man on earth who knows how to be kind to a woman.

So this conversation did two things simultaneously. It made me more compassionate. It’s not like I was not compassionate after two decades of doing this, but it made me almost softer, more tender to my smart, successful clients, right? These really impressive women kind of need a hug as much as they need anything.

And it was a breakthrough for Lorelei in that she came to terms with the idea that she could trust and that there are other men besides some dating coach she found on the internet who are kind to women and want to be in service as part of a larger integrated partnership. The thing she’s looking for actually exists, right? And she’s starting to believe that this is true when her whole life has indicated otherwise. So Lorelei’s getting online.

It took her a while. It had taken her three months kind of dragging her feet, a little afraid. But I predict she’s going to find a good man a lot sooner than she thinks because she’s so amazing and because her dating sample size is so minimal.

It’s like she doesn’t even know what’s out there yet. So I’m excited for her. I’m optimistic for her.

And I think that we can close the book on the first 60 years of her life and open up a new chapter, brand new, unwritten, right? And plot out something that’s a lot more beautiful for the next 30 years. So if you want to be part of this, please, I encourage you, go to evanmarckatz.com/now, book a time to talk with me. I’m just going to ask you questions about yourself, why you’re reaching out, what’s not working in your love life, what you want to see happen in your love life, what obstacles are getting in the way of your success.

And we’ll plot out a course of action to get you unstuck from where you are in a more positive place and taking action to help you achieve your ultimate goal of creating a lasting, loving relationship, the kind that you deserve. I really hope to see you there, evanmarckatz.com/now. Before we go, I want to thank you for listening to me.

I know this isn’t a conventional podcast, I don’t know. I’m sure most podcasts are three people bullshitting about what they saw in The Bachelor, going on for three hours about politics or something. These are little sort of 20 minutes of me thinking out loud.

But hopefully somewhere along the line, you pick up something that you could take into your real life and makes you feel better about your chances of doing something really important in a pretty chaotic world. Having your go-to person is kind of everything. I’ll be talking about that a lot more in the next coming weeks.

I’m also excited, before we close, to remind you Extraordinary Love Series, extraordinaryloveseries.com, doing a Zoom call for high achieving women looking for high value men. And this month’s coming topic is what high quality men want in a long-term partner. You don’t want to miss it.

So go to Extraordinary Love Series to register. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you.

I love you. I look forward to reading your comments and reviews on YouTube and Spotify, et cetera. And I look forward to seeing you again next week.

That’s it. That’s all I got. Talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.

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Ever feel like no matter how much you accomplish, love still feels out of reach? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Francesca Hogi—former lawyer turned matchmaker, TED speaker, and author of How to Find True Love—to talk about what it really takes to attract the relationship you deserve. We unpack the difference between falling in love and co-creating love, why dating apps have rewired our expectations, and how self-worth, flirting, and emotional safety are non-negotiables in healthy relationships. If you’re tired of transactional dating and ready to experience real partnership, this inspiring, down-to-earth conversation is for you.

About Today’s Guest:
Francesca Hogi helps people find true love inside and out. A former corporate lawyer turned matchmaker turned love coach, Francesca is a TED speaker, host of Dear Franny Podcast, and internationally recognized expert on dating and relationships. She’s been featured in media outlets such as The Today Show, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar and Forbes. She coaches individuals and groups, and is the founder of The True Love Society, a community for people seeking deeper self and romantic love. Her first book, How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships, was recently released by Grand Central Publishing. Prior to her love career, Francesca competed on two seasons of the iconic reality show Survivor.

Where you can find Francesca:
Instagram: @dearfranny
LinkedIN: @dearfranny
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@truelovesociety

Website: https://francescahogi.com/
https://linktr.ee/howtofindtruelove

What You’ll Hear

Francesca Hogi and Evan explore the power of presence and how being genuinely open in the world can create unexpected romantic opportunities.
A real-life example of Francesca meeting her ex on the corner of Sunset and Doheny—and what made her stop and engage with a stranger.
Why connection doesn’t require apps, effort, or strategy—but instead a “cute mindset” and willingness to be in the moment.
The small but powerful act of giving compliments to strangers—and why it’s one of the easiest, most effective ways to create connection.
Evan shares a personal story about complimenting a woman’s stockings… and how that small gesture had nothing to do with flirting—and everything to do with being genuine.
A breakdown of why most women miss romantic moments not because they’re unavailable, but because they’re closed off or too self-conscious to act.
The concept of being a “catalyst for light in the world” and how that mindset shifts dating from stressful to joyful.
Francesca’s favorite client assignment: how many men can you make smile this week? And the life-changing results it creates.
A powerful reframe that turns random interactions into low-stakes, high-reward dating opportunities.
Encouragement to stop waiting for dating apps to do the work—and start bringing your full, magnetic self into everyday life.

Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, a dating and relationship coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women. Welcome back to the Love U podcast.

This is a place you can learn everything you need to know about dating and relationships, sex, and men from a man’s point of view. I am excited today because I’ve got a very special guest. Before I get to my special guest, because we’re gonna have plenty of time with her, if you’ve been listening, please subscribe on Apple, subscribe on Spotify, leave us a positive review, say something nice.

I read those comments. It gets us into the algorithm. I think we’ve got 536 positive stuff.

Well, actually, we’ll say about 500-something positive and then 36, not so much. So, really, really appreciate you saying nice things. It does make a difference.

If you’ve been listening for a while and you haven’t already subscribed to the Extraordinary Love series, go to extraordinaryloveseries.com. It’s a free lecture series, live Q&A that I do every single month on a specific topic. And did I mention that it’s free? So, if you need some coaching and you don’t know where to get it from because the internet is filled with loudmouth charlatans, you can really talk to me and it costs nothing. You can’t beat the value.

Now I want to begin the real conversation. My guest today, I’m going to read her official bio and then I’m going to speak extemporaneously, but we’ll start with the official. Francesca Hoge helps people find true love inside and out.

Former corporate lawyer turned matchmaker turned love coach, Francesca is a TED speaker, host of the Dear Franny podcast, internationally recognized expert on dating and relationships. She’s been featured in the Today Show, Marie Claire, New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar, and Forbes. She coaches individuals and groups, is the founder of the True Love Society, a community for people seeking deeper love, deeper self, and romantic love.

Her first book, How to Find True Love, Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships, was recently released by Grand Central Publishing. Prior to her love career, Francesca competed on two seasons of Survivor. No one else in the world has that bio.

Let’s be really, really clear. I can read a hundred dating relationship coach matchmaker bios. No one’s got that one.

Welcome to the Love U podcast, Franny. Thank you so much for having me. You’re right.

That’s a unique one. It’s my pleasure. I just had the privilege of seeing you at the Global Love Conference where you gave a speech.

I came up to you afterwards because I like the cut of your jib. I really liked what you had to say. I got your book in the mail.

It’s dense. There’s so much in it. I don’t want to scare people off of it because the length of the book is only a couple hundred pages, but there’s so much in there.

That’s really kind of what I want to unpack and hit some of the highlights and the stuff that’s going to inspire people to take action and end up reading this. From my perspective, there’s nothing more important than how to try and find true love. If I were to write a book again, I might have to come up with a different title, but this is a really good one.

What inspired you to write this book? First of all, that whole introduction was so incredible. This is already a great conversation. You mentioned the Global Love Institute Conference.

I first went to that conference 12 years ago. It was when I first discovered that there were people whose job it was to help people find romantic love. I was like, what could be more rewarding than that? That was the start of my love career.

Over the last 12 years, I’ve obviously learned a lot of things, had a lot of highs, had a lot of lows, ran up against a lot of different challenges in helping people find love where I was like, okay, I really got fixated on how do I crack this nut?

hat’s really going on here? That’s something that I’ve just been obsessed with for years. I just got to a point where I was like, okay, I think I’ve learned enough. I’ve consistently been able to apply this to enough people successfully that I think it’s time for me to share this with the world.

You developed your own system. I’m always leery of people who start with writing the book and then they’re looking for the PR first instead of I’m established in coaching people for 10 years and I’m taking everything I’ve learned and now putting it into a book. I think you got the order right.

Thank you. I appreciate you saying that because I’ve always, for this whole career, I’m like, wow, you’re releasing a book? Do you really need to write a book? What do you have to say on this topic? I definitely did not want to be one of those people. I wanted to wait until I felt like, okay, I have something to say that is really going to help people and it’s different than what other people are saying.

Now is the time. The rich irony, of course, is that I’m the first kind of guy who wrote two books when I was 31 and 32 and didn’t know anything about anything. That’s also true and I have to own that.

But they helped people. They were funny. They were not dating coach books.

They were funny self-help books and that’s a very different genre. He’s just not that into you type book. Again, I could talk about the difference between me when I started this and 22 years later.

Anyway, you make a distinction in here about what you call true love. How do we distinguish true love from love or in love or the other terminology that surrounds this? Yeah, I know. All the terms are very nebulous, which is why I do have a very specific definition of true love, which is about a type of relationship.

Relationships, they have their own values. They have their own dynamics. When you come together with another person, you’re forming something that’s never existed before.

Your relationship is unique. As a foundation, I really see the foundational elements that make this relationship what I would qualify as a true love relationship. It’s unconditional love and respect.

It doesn’t mean that you unconditionally feel love. It means that you unconditionally treat each other with love and respect, emotional and physical intimacy, emotional and physical safety, adoration, commitment, and joy. I believe, and I would love to hear your opinion on this, Evan, that if you’re able to co-create a relationship with another person that has that as a foundation, that is going to feel like true.

That is true love. That’s how I see it. I’m taking notes because I don’t want to forget all the great things you’re saying.

The word that just struck me with that is co-create. Not a sexy word, but it feels like- It’s a true one. It feels like the appropriate word.

I think most people associate love with the feelings we have towards someone else. I like him so much. I’m so attracted to him.

I’m in love with him. That usually seems to be the thing that leads and often crashes and burns because it is about the initial feeling rather than the thing that you’re creating that’s bigger than the both of you. I think Eric Fromm in The Art of Loving, 1972, love is not a feeling.

It’s a series of loving actions over time. Does that dovetail with your definition? A hundred percent. There are many facets to love.

It’s amazing. It’s why you and I have dedicated our careers to it. There is the feeling of love.

That’s that emotional feeling, which is really exciting and really wonderful. Sometimes we actually go down the wrong road in a relationship because like you said, it’s like, oh, I like this person so much. I love them.

I feel all this love for them. Then love is also a verb. What is the behavior? Somebody can say that they’re in love with you, but if they’re not treating you in a loving way, if they don’t have an ability to be loving towards themselves, then these are all signs that you might not be signing up for what you think you are.

I like the emphasis on the behavior part. Lots of people, there’s not a married couple in the world who when they got married didn’t claim to love each other, but are they happy relationships? It’s an entirely different story. In your materials, which I’m working off of today, you talked about relationships defined by values.

I was having a conversation with a client the other day who values is like another one of those words that’s sort of thrown around a lot. Everybody thinks they have the right values that someone else has to reflect back to them and share their values. How do you use the word values? We talked about true love.

Values seems to be sort of like this parallel thing. How do you incorporate values into a relationship and how can someone know that someone shares values in a relationship because people want to know that right away? I don’t even know if that’s possible to know right away. It’s not possible to know right away because what someone says their values are, these are just the things that you find the most important in life.

That’s the most generic definition of values, but we can say anything. Actually, I started doing this once I started matchmaking was that part of my initial questionnaire was like, what are your values? People would tell me all of the wonderful values that they have, but then once we start talking about, okay, well, how does this actually play out in your life? What is the behavior that you do that is actually showing that this is the thing that you see is that you really believe is the most important? There was often a really big gap because like you said, people don’t understand that this is not just an idea. You can’t just think like, oh yeah, I value family.

That’s a common one. People say family first, I value family, but then you look at where are they spending their time? How are they treating their family? How much are they actually giving their family what they need? That begs the question, when people talk about their own values, is it largely aspirational? It’s who I want to be. It may not be who I am, but it’s how I want to be.

It’s how I want other people to see me. Yes. Yes.

Oftentimes. And that’s why having conversations, I mean, look, you have to just take time. And I think what you said is really, really touches on a big problem with dating, which is that people want to have this sense of certainty.

So they are like, okay, first date, tell me everything, right? I need, I got this list of questions. I want to hug you. I’m sending out a newsletter this week about that very conversation that I had with someone who, whose idea of it’s someone who should know better, whose idea of dating is dropping on the table, all the things that he wants in someone, right? Like this, you know, I got an hour to interview you.

Oh, we’re clearly misaligned. I guess this isn’t going to work. Yeah.

And it’s not a recipe for true love, but it seems so antithetical to the best way to connect with someone. Their version of events is, well, if we don’t have these things aligned, what’s the point of even having the conversation? Yeah. Yeah.

And that’s a big problem in modern dating. I think, you know, I think the apps have really fostered this idea and this illusion that you have infinite choice. And so you do not have to actually invest and take the time to get to know someone.

You can just tell right away based on some photos and a few things that they say, I know exactly who this person is. Right. And that’s obviously like, we know intellectually, that’s not the way to make connection, but it doesn’t matter because behaviorally, right.

So there’s, again, there’s a gap behaviorally, you know, so many people are going about dating in a way that is so, as you said, antithetical to actually the love and the connection that they’re seeking. But there’s also people, and tell me what you think about this, who are just more transactional and they’re not the idea of, you know, what I just described, they might be like, I don’t want a relationship like that. Like that’s too much work.

Maybe you just want somebody to, you know, go places with, or to have sex with, or to hang out with, or to check a box, you know, and I don’t judge anybody, but I do want the people who really want that deep love to make sure that they’re proceeding accordingly. Right. I’m going to go so far as to both end this one.

No, no, you brought up something really great. There are people who are transactional, right? He trades his wealth for her beauty, right? That’s a really common thing, right? I get one thing, right? The thing I value the most, she gets her financial security, he gets to be with someone he’s wildly attracted to, because for him, love is attraction based first. And it seems to me like there’s a model for people doing that.

Yeah. But it also has a ceiling. Meaning, there’s nothing we don’t, you and I don’t have to judge the people who do that.

I just think every single person, not every single person, but millions of people have done that and discovered, oh, I’ve got a guy who provides me this life, but I’m really lonely and disconnected and miserable. Oh, I’m with someone who’s really hot, but I’m walking on eggshells apologizing all the time, having to manage her moods. It just seems that the thing you’re talking about is where everybody ultimately ought to be.

It’s not that you’re not allowed to go through the world being transactional. Here’s what I want in exchange for what I offer. But unless you’re doing this, you’re ultimately setting yourself up to fail.

I mean, I agree with you, but I think this is why, as you said, there’s so many… If you have a transactional approach to relationships, there is a lot of guidance out there. You know what to do, right? You know, hey, if I think the thing that makes me most valuable is that I have a lot of money, I know to lead with that. I know to make sure that everybody knows that I have money.

I know that I need to take this person on date to an expensive place and spend money without thinking twice about it, right? You understand that. But if you are somebody who’s like, okay, I want to go beyond that, I have hit the ceiling of the checking boxes, transactional approach to love, and now I’m ready to actually feel the fulfillment in a relationship, then there’s not that much guidance for people. Can I play our clients right now? Please.

Can I play devil’s advocate a little bit? Yeah. Because you haven’t said one word I disagree with, which makes for a boring podcast. So I want to be a listener, I want to be a client right now, because we tend to all be, you know, binary thinkers.
It’s normal for people to say this or that. Yeah, Franny, I understand I’m looking for a deeper, truer love, right? But I’m a smart, successful woman. I carried this guy who couldn’t get his act together.

He had employment problems, addiction problems, follow-through honesty problems. I need a man at my level, right? So it’s not like I’m just a gold digger, but I need a guy who can at least meet me where I’m at. Is that so wrong? So it is not so wrong, but we have to clarify what you mean by level, right? Because what you just described, right, okay, so somebody who can’t get his act together, you’re financially supporting him.

Sure, somebody with more money might meet you at that level, right? Maybe, because there are also a lot of people who make a lot of money and they’re terrible with money, right? I didn’t bank that into this question, but you’re right. Okay, so you think that being with somebody who has a lot of money is going to mean you have all this financial security, but you might find yourself more financially insecure than you ever had been, and now the stakes are a lot higher, right? So there’s that. So you have to get underneath it.

Well, what do I actually want? Because what I find, because I hear this from women all the time, because like you, I work with high-achieving professional women. They’ve done well for themselves, and many of them have been in that situation. They’ve dated the guy who’s taken advantage of them.

They’re like, I’m funding his lifestyle. What’s he bringing to the table? Blah, blah, blah. But when you just say, well, I just want somebody who has more money, you are ignoring what you actually want, which is to feel that you have a partner, and that there’s balance, and that there’s support, right? And that you have shared values around how you want to live your lives.

Like, yeah, you want to be productive. You want to contribute something. Like, that’s what you really want.

And so when you go for, I need a guy with X amount of money, then you’re getting into a scarcity game, because there are only going to be so many people who meet that thing, and we can insert whatever money looks, height, weight, age, education, religion, all the things, right? We can insert anything. But the more you get stuck on that thing, and you’re not paying attention to what’s underneath it, you are just actually creating false scarcity for yourself. And now you’re wasting your energy, and your time, and your emotion, chasing after something that ultimately may not even give you the joy that you’re seeking.

I’m having fun here. Could I keep on having fun? All right. Yes.

So you called it false scarcity, and I love that. You’re basically creating your own scarcity with these metrics that you have in your mind. But again, being the client, why is it false? Finding a man who is six feet tall, 14% of men, $200,000, 5% of men.

What if I want both of those? Isn’t that indeed scarce? So it is scarce if you are focusing… Yes. Well, there’s a difference. Something being rare and scarce is different, right? Because even anybody that you are going to connect with and fall in love with is rare.

Because of all the people that you’re going to meet in your life, it doesn’t matter how much money you have, how beautiful you are, how many romantic options you have, you’re only going to fall in love with so many people. So it’s always rare. False scarcity was now when you say, I’m going to decide, I’m going to try to control and predict what’s going to make me love someone.

Meaning I can’t or won’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t meet these specific parameters. Yes. And then we’ve created an arbitrary rule and live as if that rule is a fact.

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

Like I gave an example in the book of a woman who… I didn’t actually work with her because I couldn’t work with her because she had this list. And I mean, this is a perfect example of somebody creating false scarcity for themselves. So she admittedly hadn’t, you know, she didn’t have a lot of dating experience.

She’d never been in a relationship. She was in her 40s and she decided now that she wanted to be with a man who was at least six foot three. He had to have blonde hair and green eyes.

Oh, wow. Okay. Did you just run the numbers for her? Yes.

He had said blonde hair. 98th, 99th percentile, green eyes. I’m a green eyed person.

That’s less than 5% too. I mean. It’s tiny.

It’s a tiny percent. And I said to her, I said, I know a lot of people. I can think of one person who has blonde hair and green eyes and he’s 5’10”, by the way.

Right. So she’s created this avatar of the perfect guy that she’s suffered so long with the wrong guys. At this point, I’m going big.

I’m not going to settle for less. Yes. And he needed to have $250,000 in cash savings.

He had to own his home. There was a salary requirement. It was just, it was the layers of scarcity that she was creating, that she was manufacturing and telling herself, I can’t meet anyone.

I can’t have the love that I want. There’s nobody. There is.

I said, at this point, you need a social security number, right? Because there’s one person, maybe. And who’s to say he’s available, that he’s interested in you. There’s so many things, right? I love listening to you and I love playing the role because I’m on your side of this argument all the time.

And it’s really hard to get people into the idea that no, no, no, no. Once you let go of this list, no one’s telling you to settle. In fact, we’re telling you to have a better relationship than you’ve ever had before.

Anyway, this is your show. I don’t mean to hijack it with my own theories. I want to get back to your methodology because again, it’s not just a book about love.

It’s a book about relationships. It’s a book about dating. It’s a book about confidence.

All of these things are necessary to achieve true love. Do you think because of apps, people have different ideas about how they’re supposed to meet these days? How has it broken us? How could we fix it? What’s the workaround given that it is ubiquitous? I think that apps have definitely broken modern dating. Tell me what you think because you’ve been doing this longer than I have.

Everybody who’s listened to my podcast knows every fucking thing that I think. I’m sure they’re all bored with me. That’s why I try to bring on other people who say the exact same thing as me.

Just so they can know just how right you are. I do find people who are aligned, but I’m sure you have a different take on it. I think that the dating app industry has robbed many people of their romantic agency.

Meaning that for many people, and I hear this all the time, people saying to me, well, I want to date, but I just don’t want to be on a dating app or I hate the apps. They’re equating dating with being on a dating app. That’s a big problem.

Just the fact that people think that they have to be on the apps and most of them resent it. It’s you are so unlikely to be successful on an app if you’re like, oh, this sucks. You’re hating every moment of it.

People tell me they’re like, oh, I’ve been on, and I’m just forcing myself. I’m like, okay, stop. We need a reset because this is not, you’re just torturing yourself at this point and creating more of this story of I can’t meet anyone.

I think the workaround is, look, you’re going to stay on the apps, most people are going about them terribly. Do better in how you’re actually showing up on the apps. That’s a whole other conversation.

I do talk about that a bit in the book, even though the book is not a pro dating app book. Again, I think it’s understanding that it exists. For certainly my clients, middle-aged divorced women in the suburbs, most of whose friends are married, work from home, work in small offices.

It’s a broken technology that we have to figure out how to make the best of. We could opt out entirely, but I don’t know about you as a dating coach, I don’t want to just work on someone’s past and emotional health and overcoming their blockages. We need to get them dating.

It’s really, really hard to generate opportunity. How do you tell people to generate opportunity outside of apps? First of all, I have what I call the meet cute mindset, which is just the belief that every time you leave your house, you have the potential to meet someone special, which is true. It is a state of mind and it changes how you show up in the world and your openness to serendipity, your openness to flirting, your openness to saying hello, to noticing someone, to notice that you’re being noticed.

Even just that mindset shift is the first step. I want to just pause and acknowledge how often you talk about flirting in your book. I think it is a highly underrated skill.

I think very few people do any sort of deep dive on how to do it and the virtues of doing it. It is very much a mindset. If you’re a flirt, guilty, you flirt with old men and dogs and little kids.

It’s like a whole way of being in the world. I feel like anybody could access it. Anyone can access it.

I’m so with you. I’m the biggest flirting evangelist. I love teaching people how to flirt.

I have an entire chapter on flirting with the eight different styles of flirting that I’ve described. No, I love that. There’s more, I’m sure, but the point is that I think of flirting in two ways.

Number one, I think of it as just a human connection tool because at its foundation, flirting is taking actions or saying words to make another person feel seen, special, and acknowledged. That’s the foundation. That’s why you can flirt with the old man and that’s why you can flirt with the dog because you’re not trying to pick them up, you’re just trying to have a moment of connection.

Let’s pinpoint that definition. I feel like our language is very important. A lot of people associate flirting with, I’m hitting on you, therefore I want to have sex with you, and that makes me uncomfortable to even hint at that.

How do we get people past that mental block? Yes. The way we get past that is also explaining that just as there are many different styles of different purposes of flirting and different styles of flirting are appropriate for different purposes. Like you said, most people think flirting means I’m attracted to you, I want you to know that I’m attracted to you because I want something to happen.

That’s one purpose of flirting and that’s going to have its own appropriate styles, but there’s also the purpose of just seeing if we can create a connection. Having a moment of connection without attachment to it. Learning to be more vulnerable and just getting yourself out of the friend zone and courting romantic possibility and serendipity.

It’s like being an active co-creator, literally showing up in the world in the way that’s telling yourself, the universe, like, okay, this person is actually open and able to receive that connection with other people. If you’re just going through your life heads down, always looking at your phone, never making eye contact, never speaking to anyone. And then you also say like, I really, really want to meet someone.

I just really wish, like, what are you doing? Right. I mean, I have a little section of Love U 26 week course. I got one week on flirting and it’s not a complicated thing.

It’s literally, if you go out, put down your phone, look around, you see someone cute, smile and make eye contact, that’s it. Yeah. It’ll come over to you.

Right. You didn’t even have to do anything. You didn’t have to put yourself out there.

You didn’t have to embarrass yourself. And if you smiled, somebody who doesn’t come over to you, makes that person feel good, cost nothing. So like we get it all in our heads about what flirting means and it doesn’t have to be anything more than being friendly.

Yeah. That’s really what it is. And you never know.

And when you can start to just normalize moving through the world that way, because another problem people have is that they’re very closed off. And then the one time a month they see somebody who they’re instantly attracted to. And now they want to try to flirt with this person.

And now it’s all of this pressure. And now it’s all of the story in their head. And now it’s all of this, you know, and it’s like, but if you would just move the world that way, you would just approach that person just as you would approach anyone else.

Right. Oh my God. So, so validating.

Anybody who listens to this would be like, oh God, he just brought on his clone. They look nothing alike. He says the same thing.

And we did not coordinate. We really had. Oh, I had a tangent that I wanted to go on.

I forgot what the tangent was. I was all excited for a second. I know.

Well, flirting is, it’s a great topic, but, but maybe it was, was it related to your original question, which is about, well, what do you do as a the apps, you know, I wasn’t going to go back to that. I could go back to that. It was, it was very specific about what we were talking about.

Just the idea that people have the capacity wherever they go to have people gravitate towards us at no cost. And it brings light to the world. Like everybody knows you meet someone who just, it doesn’t mean that they’re the most charismatic person in the world.

It doesn’t mean they’re the most sexual person or the most good looking person. But again, I met you at a thing and you lit up the room. And I was like, I wanna be around that.

Like that was like, that was easy. And I don’t think you were trying too hard. It’s who you are.

It’s why you’re successful. Yeah, yeah. And it’s why I, I mean, when I think about, you know, you’ve been married for ages.

I haven’t, you know, but my last, my relationship that I’m in now and my last relationship that I was in for many years, I met them in the most random ways. I met my ex walking down the street in LA. I met him on the corner of Sunset and Doheny in the most random moment in interaction, right? But I was this person who had this cute mindset.

And so, or some people would be like, oh, I just met this guy, whatever. Like I met him on the street, like, and they wouldn’t have capitalized on that moment. I was listening to my intuition, which was saying, there’s something about this guy.

I just feel like I’m supposed to keep talking to him. And so I’m open to that, right? So, yeah, let’s bring it to something tangible because people want those things, not just the philosophy. What’s something proactive that someone can do that’s within their comfort zone that is outside the world of dating apps that is gonna empower them to make connection? I would love for people to give compliments to strangers.

It’s a really great way, especially if you’re in passing, because sometimes, you know, because sometimes when you meet somebody, you know, you’re in a situation where you have a little bit more time to get to know each other, to, you know, have a deeper conversation, like there’s a little bit more time. But sometimes it’s like, this is a moment, right? And so what can you do to capitalize on that moment? You can say, I really love your shoes, or that color looks great on you, or like, you have such a great smile, or just anything. It literally doesn’t actually matter what you say, as long as it’s sincere and it’s not creepy, right? Like, you don’t need to say, oh, you’re hot.

Like, that’s not, like, women don’t- You become a little bit more specific than that. And it’s funny, I never thought of it like as a technique. It’s like an extension of my personality.

I’ve never had a thought that I kept to myself, and that includes complimenting people. My wife, I go up to women, I was like, hey, where’d you get those fishnet stockings? I think my wife would look great in those. And she’s like, why is this guy talking to me about my fishnets? I was like, no, I’m genuinely, those look great.

Where could I get them? So I take notes in my phone, and I’ve been doing that forever. Like, why is my husband going up to some strange hot woman? Because he’s shopping for me. Right, I love that.

Yeah, but see, but that’s a technique. You see how easily that creates connection, right? And so I love giving my clients that assignment. Like, my clients who are women, who are, you know, they date men, and I’m like, okay, so this week, I just want you to see how many men can you make smile.

Right. Just in a moment, just like in a moment. And they always, always report back.

They’re like, oh my God, I saw this guy. I told him I liked his glasses. And then I kept on walking, and he’s like, wait, wait.

Right, and that’s the other part. It almost doesn’t matter if something happens, right? It’s like a catalyst to being warm and positive in the world. And you shine that light on everybody, something comes back to you.

And even if nothing comes back to you, it’s so easy to do. But I think we’re all insecure. I think we’re all self-conscious.

We’re all afraid of judgment. I think it’s normal for people to be that way. And my opinion is most people are really nice.

Most people are really nice. And also, if we take it away from being about ourselves and we look at it as like, I have an opportunity to make someone else’s day, it costs me nothing, right? And especially, I mean, I’m sure you can vouch for this.

Men don’t get a lot of compliments from random women.

That’s not a thing that happens that often for most men. So when they get it, they’re like, they light up. They’re so excited that someone just gave them a compliment.

So just experience that, make someone’s day. Don’t make it about you. It’s really about a larger, I mean, I really have a larger philosophy about love and true love that is very spiritual.

And I really believe that if you have in your heart the desire to have that type of relationship, it is available to you. Like, I don’t believe that we have that desire and then it can’t happen because dating apps suck. Like, I’m like, love is so much bigger than that.

Right. Well, love exists outside of it everywhere. It is available.

It’s not an infinite supply. Exactly. And part of the reason I haven’t hooked on it is because I’m not a spiritual person.

So I’m emphasizing the tactical, right? As opposed to spirituality. But I did notice a healthy dose of that in your book. So for those listeners who are spiritually inclined, I think this is a really great exercise in getting in touch with that side of you that believes in love and carries oneself like you believe in love.

Can I use some of your stuff in this podcast? Because I really want to make sure I’m hitting the highlights of your book on your terms. So- Please, go for it. You talked about the five steps, right, of a self-love formula.

In my work, the first month of my LoveU course is confidence. We don’t talk about dating until we talk about confidence. Anybody who’s worth their salt in this space understands that confidence is the umbrella under which everything else falls.

What are your five steps to helping people develop self-love to make them more confident and dateable? Yeah, so, yeah, first of all, absolutely. Anyone who’s listening, any coach who starts with dating tactics and doesn’t talk about confidence and beliefs and all of that, don’t work with them. But self-love, so I broke it down into these five elements.

And I’m not saying it’s only five things, but this is just a very actionable way for people to put a practice of self-love into practice. Because love is not set and forget it. It’s what we do.

It’s how we show up. For ourselves, for other people. So the number one is self-compassion.

Self-compassion is just that ability to give yourself a break, to release judgment. This is not like an umbrella, like, okay, I’m gonna be compassionate towards myself and you’re never gonna beat yourself up again. But it is something to check in, and particularly when you’re dating.

I mean, I think that dating is actually a really great opportunity to really deepen your self-love. I mean, I think that dating skills are love skills and love skills are relationship skills. And so dating has a lot of value inherently.

That’s a bit of a tangent, but I believe that it does. I think it’s a privilege to get to date. I know, and for people who feel, and I understand why they feel, that it’s so soul-sucking, right? It’s such an awful experience.

How do they reframe the, what a neat opportunity to meet other people, connect, not connect, learn about myself, fine-tune what I like, fine-tune my people’s skills. How do you give them, I mean, I was kind of just doing it, but how do you give them the glass-half-full version of dating? You know, I would go even further than that, because again, this is a spirituality thing, right? Which is that I think, first of all, we are all on a lifelong love journey. It starts when you’re born and it’s, you know, who knows what happens after we die? Maybe the journey continues, but at least for as long as we are alive, we are on this journey.

And I believe the purpose of this journey is for us to learn how to be more loving towards other people and also towards ourselves, like to give and receive more love. So I think that dating is just a phase in that journey. So it’s not just about meeting someone immediately, it’s also about becoming better at being loving.

So the process of dating, all of the things that you’re learning, whether it’s communication, vulnerability, compromise, intimacy, you know, giving people grace, you know, allowing to, you know, giving yourself the chance to receive healthy boundaries, like all of these skills that you actually get to practice while dating, discernment. I mean, the number of people who, you know, tell me about this terrible date they had, and then we reverse engineer and it’s like, why did you ever think that was gonna be a good date? Right? Like that person showed you a million ways before you ever went on that date, how they were flaky and not excited about you and not interested in you, like, you know. So there’s all these things that you learn through the process, like how open are you? How judgmental? How well can you receive? All of these things.

I’m gonna be the client again. I think for people, and I agree with every single word, so this is not full devil’s advocacy. I think for most of the people listening, nobody wants to be good at dating.

They just want their person, right? No one wants to go to the gym and diet. We just wanna lose weight. We just want the result.

Could someone spare me from texting with these random guys, from listening to some other guy go on a two-hour tangent about his ex-wife? Could someone spare me from this? Can I just get to the end? I think that’s the thing is everything you say about the virtues and values of dating are 100% correct, and you’ll be better in a relationship. You’ll be a better person. Certainly, if you went on a long journey, my journey was really, really long.

I don’t know I would recommend someone else go out with 300 people, but not only did it give me a career, it gave me a lot of perspective. So when I did make a choice to marry someone, felt really good about my choice. Yeah, yeah.

Well, so I would say that it’s not about you’re being, you’re getting better at dating, so you’re good at dating so you can date forever. That’s not the point. The point is that if you actually want to be in a relationship that is able to thrive over time, then you should understand that what you’re going through right now is actually giving you the skill to do that, right? So the idea that, and most people date terribly because even those examples you just gave, oh, I’ve got to listen to another guy talk for two hours about his ex-wife.

No, you don’t. No, you don’t. Why do you have to do that? Yeah, you can redirect the conversation.

You can pivot that conversation. Why would you sit there for two hours talking about something you don’t want to talk about? I don’t like, I don’t understand that, right? And then you say dating stuff. And so that’s the thing is it’s very easy when you’re dating to feel, right? And a loaded word, feel like a victim, right? If you’re a woman and you’re dating men, men are the problem.

If you’re a man dating women, women are the problem, right? And we’re all a victim of everybody else’s trauma and baggage and belief systems. And I just think most people are insecure, lonely, don’t trust their judgment, looking for someone to love them and accept them, don’t always know the best way to go about doing it. So you used the word giving people grace.

I really love that as a philosophy is leave someone in a better place that you found them. You don’t need, it doesn’t have to be a love connection. It can still be a pleasant experience.

Yeah, yeah. And so actually that brings me back to, I’m gonna finish just for anybody. Thank you, sorry, my fault.

No, it’s not your fault. That was totally relevant, right? Because once you start to even like, take a very basic example of someone dating someone who puts them down, who puts them down. And when you say, oh, I have this dream, they’re like, oh, you can’t do that.

Like, that’s so hard or you know, right? So the only way that you would actually continue to date someone and be attracted to that person is if you talk to yourself that way, right? It has to feel internally familiar. So the more that you start to notice how you speak to yourself and interrupt the shaming, the criticism and just say, okay, even if I did mess up, if I wanna do better, then beating myself up is not gonna help because the beating ourselves up actually helped. We would have nothing left to change, literally.

We would have shamed everything out of ourselves. It doesn’t work, it actually just blocks you. So self-compassion is just that practice of like, okay, I’m gonna give myself a break and I’m gonna figure out like, okay, how do I move forward? And then the next step is self-worth.

And this is really what it’s all about. Just really the belief that you are inherently deserving of good things, including love, including intimacy, including respect, including thriving in your life and all of those things. But it’s very difficult to feel that way.

Certainly feel it all the time because we live in a world that’s told us in so many ways that we need to jump through many, many endless hoops in order to actually be good enough. So this is an active practice of recognizing that, okay, if I think of a newborn baby born into the world, mine or anyone else’s, what does that baby have to do to be worthy of love, of respect, of kindness, of health, of like what? Probably nothing unless you’re a sociopath, right? I love that thought experiment. So why are we so cruel to ourselves when we all started as babies worthy of love? Exactly.

So if you can agree that a newborn baby is worthy of love inherently, then perhaps you can accept the possibility that that applies to you as well, because it does. And then going back to love as a verb, you’re not gonna just feel worthy all of a sudden because you’re, or not endlessly, it’s not set it and forget it, but you can start to train yourself to take a high self-worth action. So you can say, well, if I did truly believe that I was worthy of having the love that I wanted, if I did truly believe that I was deserving of connection and people who respect me and value me, then what might I do next? Yes, yes.

I love, love, love that. If I were in the business of making little Lance Armstrong style bracelets, it would be, what would a confident woman do? Let’s work backwards from what, right? Same exact thing. If I had high self-worth, if I were confident, how would she handle this interaction? How would she handle this text? And if we just operate, that’s why my metaphor is you’re the CEO of your love life and men are the interns applying for a job.

If you just start from you’re worthy, is this bringing me joy? Is this making me happy? Do I feel safe? And anything that violates that, get rid of it. Yeah, it’s a no, it’s a no. Yes, exactly.

So then, and then once you make that inquiry, you take that high self-worth action, then the next step is you validate yourself. There are so many people who are doing hard, hard, hard things all the time and robbing themselves of any confidence because they don’t give themselves any credit, right? So we build confidence by doing something that’s hard, that’s challenging, that pushes us. And then also we have to be able to acknowledge that we did it, right? Otherwise it’s just a treadmill of endlessly doing, doing.

Right, and that’s what happens to independent single women, right? They don’t have anybody who’s the cheerleader in their corner, right? My metaphor is they’ve got one strong muscle, it’s the one at work where they’re very resilient and have learned to navigate and climb and succeed. And when it comes to love, because they haven’t had success in love, it’s so much more fragile and they lose their belief in themselves. One guy rejects them and I’m gonna take the next year off of dating.

You’d never take the next year off of work if you had a bad day at work. Yes, yeah, yeah, that’s a good line, it’s very true. And that happens all the time.

But this validation, because whether it’s, I mean, look, and even if you’re single, you know, it’s not like, or even if you’re in a relationship, if your partner is the only person who validates you, are you gonna actually feel like, like you need to do it too. You need to be able to receive it, right? Like, can you receive a compliment? Because if you can’t receive a compliment, then you’re probably not as open to receiving love as you think you are. Can I ask a question? This is off of our written materials.

Did you get that kind of unconditioned love from your parents growing up? Is this why you’re this way or did you develop this yourself? Because I also had that same thing because it comes more naturally to me. I could kind of reverse engineer people and tell them what to do. But if you were not given that constant love and reinforcement that you are great and you could do anything as a kid, it’s hard to convince yourself as an adult.

It’s hard, it’s hard. And I, yes, like you, I was so blessed. And I mean, and I, you know, in the acknowledges of my book, I say like, this is my parents.

Like I was born into the greatest of fortunes, which is a loving family. I had two parents who loved each other. They showed each other, they showed us in action every day what that really meant in my house.

We always treated each other with respect. Like you can be mad, you can have a disagreement, but you can’t name call. You can’t like, you know, like there was always this very basic level of like, we love each other and we show each other that we love each other.

And so that is a blessing. And I feel like, you know, I don’t know how you feel, but I feel like I have a responsibility because I did have that. And so it’s not that I had not struggled my own journey of, you know, in romantically and feeling good enough and like all of those things, but I have had this really strong foundation of just knowing that like, yeah, I am loved and I am lovable and I do deserve love.

And I also was lucky to have a father who would talk to me about relationships and would actually say like, you know, you really need to pay attention to people’s character. How do they treat, you know, how do they treat the people in their lives? How do they treat their mother? How do they speak to the waiter? Like my father really, he pointed those things out to me repeatedly growing up, which yeah, I feel really lucky. Yeah.

I think certainly the clients I’m proudest of are the ones who did not have that and overcame that later in life. When you see someone who, you know, divorce abuse and comes out on the other side and then finds someone to validate her belief in herself and they live happily ever after, there’s nothing more gratifying. What should people do now that they’ve listened to you? Would you like them to go buy your book? Would you like them to go to your website for coaching? What’s the action that they should take? How should they go and find you? I mean, I would love for them to buy my book if this resonates.

I really do take the reader through a process that starts with mindset and then gets into what I call heartset about your beliefs and then gets into soul set, which is about this higher connection to this like deeper, higher love journey that we’re on and intention and gratitude and courting serendipity and all of those good things. I love it. And then skillset, which is what are the foundational dating skills that you can actually go out in the world and meet someone on an app, but also off an app, right? Let’s reclaim our agency.

So if that resonates with your listeners, viewers, please, I would love for you to check out the book. It’s also, I wanna add, if anybody has Spotify premium, it’s included the audio book. I just recently discovered that.

So you don’t even have to pay for it if you have Spotify premium and you like audio books. And I did read it. So if you like my voice, then you get to hear it for hours.

Super cool. You can find Frannie on all social media channels at Dear Frannie. You could find her everything except for YouTube where it’s a true love society, but she’s also very Google-able and very unique website.

And these will be linked in the show notes, https://francescahogi.com/. I just followed her before I got here. I had the pleasure of meeting her in real life, but I just followed her online. So now I’m gonna be exposed to all of her content.
And I would really encourage you, especially if you’re listening and you’re like, heaven just doesn’t go deep enough. I need something that’s a little more spiritual and less tactical and to connect with something larger. That’s what she does so uniquely well that I don’t even claim to touch.

So I’m always looking to share resources who I could differentiate, who have good philosophies, but bring something unique to the table. So I was thrilled to have an opportunity to talk about you and your work here today. Anything else you’d like to share before we go? One last piece of advice.

This was just so amazing. And my goal for everyone is to feel empowered to have the love that they want. And if it’s not happening, to get curious about, okay, what is love actually calling me to learn right now? And maybe it’s being more open, maybe it’s being more vulnerable, maybe it’s more boundaries, maybe it’s more courage, but there’s something there.

And the more that you can understand that assignment, then the sooner you’ll have the love that you want. I’d say it’s all of the above. All the things that you mentioned, more vulnerability, more courage, more openness.

I can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t stand to benefit from all of those things. So thank you, Frannie. Thank you for being here on the Love U Podcast.

I appreciate you. Thank you, Evan. This was so great.

My pleasure. Hey, my name is Evan Marc Katz. This is the Love U Podcast.

Thank you so much for listening and sticking around till the very end. If you enjoyed today’s podcast, leave us a positive review, subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube. Don’t forget to sign up for the Extraordinary Love series, links in the show notes, free lecture series, and live Q&A on a different topic every month.

And if you’re serious about finding love and want someone to hold your hand through the process, go to evanmarckatz.com/now, book a time to talk with me, and I’ll get you the love that you deserve. That’s my mandate. Thank you, I appreciate you, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.

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View Details

Are you hoping to find love but secretly wishing there was a shortcut to get there? In this Love U Podcast, I reveal why love doesn’t work like winning the lottery—and why relying on quick fixes and dating apps won’t lead you to the relationship you deserve. Instead, I walk you through what it really takes to build lasting love: self-awareness, a willingness to grow, and learning how to date effectively. If you’re ready to stop chasing shortcuts and start creating real results in your love life, this episode is a must-listen.

What You’ll Hear:

Evan explains why there is no shortcut to finding lasting love, despite the appeal of quick fixes like dating apps or matchmaking services.
The powerful metaphor comparing winning the lottery to how most people approach love—and why that strategy rarely works.
Why dating is a skill set that, like any other, requires time, effort, and learning to master.
The hard truth: Many people keep repeating the same dating patterns while hoping for different results.
The story of a woman who overcame fear from an abusive marriage, learned how to date effectively, and is now thriving in the online dating world.
The common mistake of assuming the right app or more dates will magically solve your love life.
The dangers of “interviewing” men on first dates instead of having fun and building connection.
Why it’s essential to develop self-awareness to avoid inadvertently turning men off or sabotaging your chances.
The importance of enjoying dating—if you hate dating, you’re unlikely to succeed at it.
How shifting your mindset about dating from a temporary fix to a sustainable, joyful habit can completely change your results.
A crucial reminder that you are the common denominator in your love life, and you have the power to improve your dating outcomes.
Encouragement to stop chasing shortcuts and start focusing on becoming the best version of yourself to attract better men.

Full Episode Transcript:
Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, dating and relationship coach for smart, strong, successful women. You’re a personal trainer for love.

Welcome back to the Love U podcast. I’m very excited for today’s episode. We’re not literally talking about ozempic.

We are talking about shortcuts and why everybody wants a shortcut to love when there in fact is no shortcut to love any more than there’s a shortcut in any other aspect of your life. I will liberally use metaphors and examples that will illustrate my point in a more powerful way than I could if I were a smarter person. But I want you to stick around to hear why this is so important.

Part of the biggest problem people have when it comes to love is that they’re hoping for the shortcut and are perpetually surprised that the shortcut doesn’t lead them to better outcomes. And that is not unique to women. And that is a man thing as well.

If you are a regular Love U podcast listener, thank you for listening. I’m very, very grateful. I could not do this if it were not for you to be able to do this every single week, sometimes multiple times a week.

So thank you. Thank you for your kind reviews. Thank you for subscribing on various channels.

I appreciate it. Um, quick reminder, next installment of the Extraordinary Love Series is coming up. A lecture, live Q&A on the topic: The Power of Feminine Energy: How to Inspire a Man to Pursue You

That is coming up in a couple of weeks. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com and register. Join now probably over 400 people for that blessed event.

Now we’ll start off with the big, most obvious metaphor. Do you want to be a millionaire? I think most people would like to be a millionaire. And so if you’re going to try to become a millionaire and you, that dawns upon you at a young age, that that is one of your goals in life.

Well, there are multiple paths to achieving that goal, which is pretty exciting. And there’s not just one way to do it. You could save money from the time you’re a little kid and start putting $5 away every single month from the time that you’re five years old and compound interest and a little wise saving over the years.

You could well be a millionaire just by saving regularly at an extraordinary young age. You could find a passion when you’re really young and do a deep dive and become really great at something when you’re young and be very, very specialized because you know what you want to do. You could start in the mail room.

I started in the mail room of a talent agency, pushing a mail cart wearing a suit when I was 23 years old or something like that. You could work your way up the corporate ladder that way in an industry and keep starting at the bottom and eating humble pie. And the next thing you know, you could be one of the top brass at the company.

You can choose some competitive high upside field, field venture capital, law, medicine, finance, et cetera. There’s, you know, there’s high burnout and failure rate, but there’s definitely a path to wealth if you take that route. You could take a risk.

You could start your own thing. You can be an entrepreneur, right? When I failed at screenwriting my high risk, high reward career, I hung out a shingle as a dating coach 22 years ago and got lucky and cultivated and turned it into something. So what’s not on the list of how to become a millionaire? Playing the lottery.

That’s not on the list of how to become a millionaire. Why not? It’s faster than any of the things I was talking about and things that you built over decades. The problem is there’s a really, really low chance of winning the lottery and that’s, I can’t think of a better parallel for a conversation about love.

Most women I know, and again, I’m only talking about women because I’m a dating coach for women. I could have the same conversation about men. Most women want to win the love lottery and I do not blame you buying a $1 ticket to get a massive payoff and being set for life is far easier than doing 2000 billable hours at a law firm over the course of 25 years.

But we also have to acknowledge there are a lot more and we’re talking probably hundreds of thousands of successful lawyers, right? As opposed to lottery winners. And so I’m laying out both of these paths parallel so you could see upfront that this actually overlays really neatly onto people’s path to love. Everybody wants to find a partner and live happily ever after.

Nobody, nobody wants to put any time, energy, or God forbid, money into this. Fascinating, right? We’ll spend a dollar on a lottery ticket or we’ll spend six figures on a law school education, business school education. That will theoretically make you more money and pay itself back.

We’re willing to invest in that when it comes to dating and relationships. All we want is the lottery ticket, right? So you swipe, you get on, you download a free app, you swipe, you send a couple texts, you go on a bunch of shitty blind dates and determine, and this is everybody, that the only reason you’re still single is that you haven’t met the right person, right? It’s just a numbers game. Just haven’t met the right person.

So I’m going to keep on doing the thing that I’ve been doing that hasn’t been working. Maybe it’s a different app. Maybe Hinge isn’t the right app.

Maybe I should go on Bumble. No, Bumble’s not the right app. Maybe I should try Tinder.

No, Tinder’s not right. Maybe I should try Match. Match isn’t right.

Maybe I should try a Matchmaker. And all we’re doing is looking for someone to hand you the right person. That’s rarely how it works.

Let’s flip it around. Think of a guy. It’s not about you now, because I know when I talk about it, it makes people feel defensive.

So it’s not about you now. Now it’s about a guy and it’s a good guy. It’s a guy who really wants to be a good husband, wants to be a good partner, has a ton to offer.

Now let’s say that guy goes on a first date and doesn’t pick up the check. Do you think if he goes on a hundred more Tinder dates that he’s going to have more success? No, he’s going to be the same guy who inadvertently alienates women by not picking up the check and a hundred more dates. It’s not going to solve this problem.

If there’s a guy who dresses like a 13 year old boy or an 80 year old man, he’s not going to inspire much attraction with women. It doesn’t matter if he hires the world’s greatest matchmaker to hand him a partner. His presentation is getting in the way of making a connection with someone, whether that’s fair or not.

That’s on him to realize that he’s the common denominator and that a matchmaker can’t solve his problems if he’s sabotaging himself. If there’s a guy who talks about himself incessantly, and I know there are plenty of guys who talk about themselves incessantly and he never asks you any questions on a date, do you think that the only reason he’s single is that he just hasn’t met the right woman? Or is it possible that every woman who comes in contact with him is going to leave the date feeling this soul sucking energy of a guy who, whether it’s due to arrogance or insecurity, shows no curiosity about someone else’s inner life. So notice if we’re talking about guys, it’s really obvious that these guys need coaching, that someone needs to help them with this wardrobe.

Someone needs to help them understand how women actually operate and what’s important to them. The importance of generosity, the importance of making someone feel important for lack of a better word, right? But he’s going to go about it thinking, if I just go to the right app, if I get right, if I just go out with enough people, something’s going to change. Now, these are egregious examples.

They’re designed to make a point. But in Rachel Greenwald’s seminal book, Have Him At Hello, she interviewed a thousand guys, right? I try to speak for all men, right? I don’t have to interview a thousand guys. I’m a guy.

But she interviewed a thousand guys to her credit. And she discovered that in 85% of instances, when a guy didn’t call at the end of a first date, there was a reason. There was something she did.

It wasn’t just, Oh, there’s no chemistry. There was an actual reason that if you, you know, if you cornered the guy and ask him to tell you, he would tell you exactly what it is. That stands to reason that there’s a lot of things that are going on on a date that most people just don’t know about.

That if a guy is not asking you out, following up, taking down his profile, choosing to commit to you, it might be something that you’re doing inadvertently, not unlike these guys. And that for most people is a hard pill to swallow. That despite all your charms and your charms are considerable, most of my clients are delightful human beings.

We all have blind spots. I got blind spots. I think they’re obvious when I talk to you every week.

It’s clear everybody’s got a blind spot and you can’t be loved by an everybody. But is there something that one can do other than just go on more dates with more people, assuming the right person is going to swoop into your life? So just the other day a woman was telling me, and it was a, it was a, it was a nurturing conversation, but I held back a little bit. And she was telling me that on the first date she’s trying to figure out if they’re compatible, right? Like that’s, of course that’s what she’s trying to do.

This is what the dates for, in her opinion, is to figure out if they’re compatible. So she wants to find out if they share the same longterm values, if he is marriage oriented, right? And she’s just, that’s her agenda for the first date is to figure out, you know, is there something here in the first 90 minutes of meeting? And it’s not that these questions don’t matter. Of course these questions matter.

They’re ultimately of the utmost importance. But if you interview men on the first date to see if they are worthy of being your husband, you’re not going to get many second dates. And you might draw the false conclusion that all the men who are going out with you are just players, users, not looking for love, not looking for marriage, not looking for family, right? Because they don’t like to be interrogated on the first date about their longterm intentions and their values because it’s not really much fun.

So she’s mistaken in that case, right? It’s not that all men are players and users who don’t want commitment. It’s that she’s taken the fun out of dating. It’s not fun.

It’s not playful, right? It’s random. It’s that little light swinging and the investigator talking to the criminal and trying to crack the case. It is no longer the most effective way of dating, right? To be grilled and have someone trying to find what’s wrong with you, right? And if you’ve ever had a guy who’s done that with you on a date, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I got another client who says she fails to ignite the spark with men, right? So she’s having a hard time getting a longterm commitment because she doesn’t create enough of the spark. Another client talks a lot about her career and wonders why she doesn’t connect with men because she’s not acting warm or vulnerable. It’s very up here.

It’s very cerebral. So these are all things without changing anybody’s personality. These are all things that can be learned.

This is the whole point of coaching is to create a level of self-awareness so you can bring the best you to dating and bring out the best in men. So we can go on. I can run down examples like forever.

I’ve been doing this for 22 years, but I firmly believe, and I’ve mentioned before, dating is a skill set. Sales is a skill set. Woodworking is a skill set.

Playing guitar, being in HR, hiring a good team. These are all skill sets. You don’t come out of the womb knowing it.

That’s the crazy part when it comes to love. We all think we should have this highly developed skill set when you’ve been spending, you know, 2000 hours a year practicing law or medicine or marketing. Like this isn’t where you’ve put your time and attention, but we all expect to be really, really good at this.

So my guess is you’re great, right? You’re certainly great at your job. You’ve done your Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours, right? So you got that one really strong muscle, right? You’re consciously competent at whatever your chosen profession is. And then this other thing we sort of just hope works itself out and we’re looking for the quick fix.

We’re looking for the miracle. So if you’re of the belief that there’s nothing you can do better, I’ve got news for you. We can all stand to do better.

Right. And you know, sometimes I feel like Hamilton because I’ve been told when I’ve gotten feedback on my work, that part of the thing I can do better like Hamilton is to talk less, smile more. I love that because it’s accurate.

I’m a guy who talks a lot and I should get better at listening. And sometimes I’m a little serious and intense and sometimes I need to lighten up. Those things are actually true in life and in love.

That’s feedback that I’ve gotten over the years that I’ve tried to internalize and hopefully you don’t see too many hints of that. Of course, in my podcast, I’m going to do a lot of talking. That’s all the podcast is.

But in coaching, I’ve tried to get better at being a better listener and being more warm and more nurturing and less tough love. And that’s an acquired skillset that I’ve been working on for two decades. Of course, that makes sense.

And that’s what happens when you’re open to feedback and you’re open to growth and then you realize you can even be more effective at what you’re doing. I’m more effective at my job because women more than ever feel with me, wait for it, safe, heard and understood. I try to embody the characteristics that I tell women to look for in men.

That makes sense, doesn’t it? So doesn’t it stand to reason that there’s possibly something you can do better that would allow men to connect with you better? If a dating coach still has issues around that, I would assume that you do too. So what spurred this entire podcast was a coaching call I did with a client who was petrified, petrified of online dating because she was in a long abusive marriage and online dating is a thing that it didn’t exist when she got married. And now that it’s ubiquitous, it’s facing her and it’s scaring the hell out of her.

But after three months, maybe four of working with me, she got enough confidence and heard enough success stories from the people around her to dip her toe into the waters, created her a brand new profile, right? And now she’s been doing it for a few weeks. She’s having a blast. She’s got a guy that she already kind of wants to be her boyfriend, but she’s taking it slow.

She’s seen other guys really show up and respond to what she’s written and act thoughtful and interested and chivalrous. So she knows good guys exist. She knows that they exist online, right? And she believes that now it’s not if she’s going to find someone, and this is a woman who was in an abusive longterm marriage.

It’s not if she finds someone, it’s when she finds someone. And it’s because she learned over the course of a few months how to date more effectively. And she said to me, this is why I’m doing this podcast.

She said to me on a coaching call after being on one of the Love U live group calls on Tuesday, she said, I’m going to quote, women who do well in dating are women who think going on a date is better than being at home, curled on the couch, watching Netflix. And that sounds really simple, but I think it’s really profound. Obviously if you prefer to be at home watching Netflix and I watch plenty of Netflix, no, no judge, but if you prefer to be at home, then it’s going to show up.

And if you enjoy the company of men, if you enjoy flirting, if you enjoy connecting with another human being, you’re probably going to be better at dating. It’s hard to be good at dating if you hate dating. Once again, you’ve met men who are not good at dating and you’ve met men who hate dating, who complain about the dating app, who complain about their exes, who have the worst to say about women and their experience.

That doesn’t engender a real authentic connection, I wouldn’t think. So really reframing dating and realizing if you could have more fun with it, the way a good personal trainer helps you have more fun with your workout so you could see progress, so it’s not so painful and torturous. And if you could have fun losing weight, you’re more incentivized to keep doing it.

If it’s a slog and you hate it, really hard to keep doing it. So we’re really trying to incorporate best practices and healthy habits into your love life, right? So there’s a difference between going on that crash diet for a few weeks so you can get into bikini shape for the summer, right? This is a temporary thing versus incorporating health and wellness into your lifestyle, eating, sleeping, hydrating, motion, weightlifting, right? How do we make healthy a part of who you are instead of this thing that you do temporarily to achieve a goal? So that’s all I’m trying to do for you is to make dating integrated into your life so that it is like eating and sleeping and showering and going to the gym. It’s not onerous.

It’s a reflection of who you are and how you connect with people out in the world. And if you enjoy the process of flirting, connecting with other human beings, kissing, learning about yourself, developing confidence, learning boundaries, becoming the best version of you and getting clear on what you come to expect for men. If you could focus on all those short term goals that are developmental goals, the byproduct of that is that you’re very, very likely to find a person who loves you unconditionally.

Why? Because you’ve become a better version of you and bring out a better side of men. So you know, as well as I do, you can lose weight through Ozempic. I do not judge anybody who does it.

It’s a miracle. And I think it’s wonderful if it works and it saves people who struggled with diet and weight loss a ton of difficulty and frustration. The issue is that there is no Ozempic in dating, right? There’s no shortcut to your person.

And we all, myself included, have to become better people, more confident, more compassionate, more self-aware when it comes to love. And just as importantly, learn to choose better people to love you and raise your standards for what you come to expect from relationships. This is within your power.

Don’t look for the shortcut, right? My job is to give you a direct path from point A to point Z that through all of your machinations, you haven’t been able to find that path yourself. It’s not that hard. It’s not that long.

It’s very, very achievable. And I believe that you could have it, but it is up to you. If that excites you, if that inspires you, go to evanmarckatz.com/now to book a free discovery call with me and explore the possibility of getting you the love that you deserve.

There isn’t a shortcut. That’s why I told you, I work with people for six months, right? Even though everybody wants to get there quicker, it’s generally not just about going on more dates or meeting better men through a better app. It’s about you as the common denominator in your life.

And if you can embrace that, we can do wonders together. Before we go, don’t forget to register for the Extraordinary Love Series, extraordinaryloveseries.com. Next topic is on feminine energy. I look forward to answering your questions there.

If you enjoyed today’s podcast, please give us five stars. Give us a positive review on whatever platform you’re on. And most importantly, my name is Evan Marc Katz.

This is the Love U podcast. I thank you so much for indulging me. I know I talk so very much and I talk so very fast.

I appreciate you putting up with me. It is no small thing. I’m so glad to have this relationship with you and hopefully you’ve got a couple nuggets today that are going to inspire you to new heights in love.

I look forward to connecting with you soon. Take care. Bye bye.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Apply to Love U Book a Call
*📷 Follow me on Instagram*

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Is feeling safe, heard, and understood enough for lasting love? In this Love U Podcast, I share two powerful coaching stories that reveal why a “good on paper” relationship isn’t always the right relationship. Learn the difference between healthy pacing and unhealthy pressure, and why chemistry still matters when building a life together. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re settling or simply being smart, this episode will help you find clarity and trust your heart. Tune in now to get the relationship you truly deserve.

What You’ll Hear:

Evan shares why feeling safe, heard, and understood is essential but not sufficient for a successful relationship.
Story of a client who found an amazing relationship after a decade of not dating but is now pushing her boyfriend to accelerate marriage and family plans, risking the relationship.
The importance of allowing men to choose commitment on their own timeline rather than applying pressure.
The crucial distinction between being empowered and being effective in dating.
Hard truth: Men (and people in general) resist being told what to do, and forcing outcomes in relationships often backfires.
Story of another client engaged to a good man but struggling with low attraction and fun levels, leading to doubts about the relationship’s long-term potential.
Evan’s simple evaluation tool: Rate your relationship on comfort, fun, and attraction; ideally, you want a 10 in comfort and at least a 7 in fun and attraction.
The danger of settling for a relationship that feels like a “B-minus” when you deserve an “A.”
Personal story about Evan’s mother settling for a “nice guy” after Evan’s father passed away and how that choice ultimately left her unfulfilled.
The nuanced balance: You need chemistry and a good person—you can’t thrive with just one or the other.
Powerful reminder that millions of quality men exist; you don’t have to settle out of fear.
Encouragement to trust your feelings and not override red flags for the sake of convenience or fear of starting over.
Invitation to attend the next Extraordinary Love Series on “The Power of Feminine Energy” to inspire men to pursue you.

Full Episode Transcript:

Today’s topic excites me so very much that I’m going to tell you at the top of the episode, before I say all the other stuff that I normally say, to stick around for the rest of this episode.

I’m telling two great stories today that you’re going to want to hear that are going to impact the way you look at dating and relationships. So please, for your sake, not mine, stick around to the end of this episode. My name is Evan Marc Katz.

This is the LoveU Podcast, a place where you can learn everything there is to know about dating relationships, sex, and men from a man’s point of view and find a relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood. And that is the topic of today’s conversation, is whether safe, heard, and understood is enough. And you might be surprised to hear me say that it is not enough.

And I’m going to explain to you why before we dive in. I want to remind you to register for the next installment of my Extraordinary Love Series. I’ll be doing a Zoom call with a live Q&A on a very specific topic.

This month’s topic is the power of feminine energy. How to inspire a man to pursue you. We had over 360 people registered last month.

This month will be even bigger. Go to www.extraordinaryloveseries.com Put in your name and email address and I will see you there and answer all your questions about feminine energy. Who better to talk about feminine energy than a man mansplaining feminine energy to you.

I tease myself. So today’s conversation comes off of two client calls that I did in the past week. And normally I work with people for six months minimum.

Nobody wants to sign up for six months. Everybody wants the quick fix. Could I do one call? Generally, it’s like saying could I do one personal training session? I want to get healthy and turn my whole life around but I want to do one personal training session.

So I generally only work with people who are committed to working with me for sometimes three but usually six months to a year. This week I took a conversation with an old client and I took on a conversation with someone new just for a one-off. The first one I want to talk about is a client of mine who I worked with in probably end of the pandemic and she hadn’t dated for 10 years and she’s lovely.

She’s attractive and blonde and bright and very marriage and family oriented and it was a joy to work with her. And from our work together this woman who didn’t have a relationship for 10 years has an amazing relationship with a guy right now where she feels safe heard and understood and she and he both want to get married and start a family. The issue is that she is 39 and she’s starting to feel the pressure.

She wants to kind of be married tomorrow and pregnant the next day, which if you’re in her shoes is not an unreasonable thing to want or to feel. I think the hard part that she’s struggling with and why she reached out to me for this one coaching session a few years after she graduated from Love You is that she’s feeling so much anxiety and pressure to lock it in with this guy that she’s pushing him really really hard to move in with her to propose to her, to impregnate her as quickly as possible. And it started to backfire.

And she was under the impression that well, this is what confident women do. The book Why Men Love Bitches, you know the book Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others. So she’s got this sort of empowered woman’s point of view, which again, I’m all about female empowerment.

At the same time, good dating advice is not about just female empowerment. It’s about effective and ineffective. If you do this on a real life guy, will it work? If you’re with a confident masculine energy guy and we understand the very very basic principle that men don’t like to be directed or corrected, telling him what to do is probably going to be a losing strategy and it’s kind of what she’s been doing.

She’s really been forcing the issue instead of allowing him to choose her. So she has a different timetable for marriage than he does and it’s not that she’s wrong. Again, we don’t talk about wrong.

It’s that if she wants x and he wants y, he’s 50% of the equation here. His opinion matters whether she thinks it should matter, whether she disagrees with her or not, his opinion matters. So she and I spent, no joke, two hours on the phone.

She paid for one hour, we spent two because that’s how important I feel this issue is to see the nuance in the situation and we all have a tendency to kind of put on our blinders and think that what we want on our terms is the only way to do it. So I had the deepest sympathy for her because she’s my client and she’s my friend and we know each other pretty well and I also had to point out that I was her boyfriend, you know, 15-20 years ago. I was the person who was dating a 39 year old who knew what her fertility was, who wanted to get married and have kids and I felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about making a decision that was accelerated, not exactly on my timetable and my girlfriend wasn’t pushing me at all and I felt that pressure.

If she had pushed me, it would likely have pushed me away and that’s the piece that she wasn’t calculating. It’s why when she was posting in our private Love You Facebook group, you know, all the other women were telling her to take this hard stand. I said, I really want to get on the phone with her, right? Just on the principle that people don’t want to be forced to buy something, they want to choose to buy.

Right, and that’s everything. That’s dating coaching. I don’t compel anybody to work with me.

People come to me, they reach out, they book a conversation, at the end of the conversation, most of them sign up for dating coaching, but I should not have to pressure you to do this. You need to choose to do this by your own volition because it’s good for you. This man has to choose her as a wife, has to choose marriage, has to choose to want her to be the mother of his children.

And what’s happening right now? Dating’s not fun for him. Relationships aren’t fun for him. All they’re doing is talking about them and what’s going to happen and her fear and her anxiety and her fertility.

So, making him capitulate, which is what she’s trying to do, is going to be an ineffective dating strategy. It’s going to push him further away, even though they want the exact same thing. So, we have to come from a place of trust.

If indeed, and I asked her, is he a good guy? If he’s a good guy and he, by his own volition, wants to get married and he also wants to start a family, he knows what’s at stake. She’s pressuring him to move in with her in June, right? And he’s like, let’s wait until September, until the end of the summer. And she’s almost making this a deal breaker.

And again, I’m saying this with great sympathy to her. She’s, right, if she pushes to move things faster, he’s going to probably resist because, in general, nobody wants to be told what to do. Not just men.

Women don’t want to be told what to do either. So, I said, let’s just let this guy draw the same conclusion that you’ve already drawn. It sounds like you’ve already established that he’s a good boyfriend.

He’s a good partner, right? He’s given you a relationship that you’ve always wanted, the relationship you’ve always sought. So, if I’m evaluating their relationship, and the reason I’m telling this story first is really important, this is a good relationship. This is a relationship worth preserving with the guy who she’s on the same page with, who she wants to marry, who wants to marry her.

He just needs a little more time to get there. So, blowing it up over a few months is probably not a great strategy. You’ve got to play the long game on this one.

And I really encouraged her to give him the freedom to choose her, right? Not indefinitely, but establishing that they want the same things and just allowing him to get there. It’s going to work a lot better. And so, I contrast that with the other client that I talked to who has a relationship, which also she feels safe, heard, and understood.

But, this is a big but, she’s been with her guy for three years. They recently got engaged, so they already pulled the trigger on that one, but she’s having second thoughts. And he’s a good guy, and he’s high integrity, and she never doubts where he stands.

That’s why he proposed to her. But, nobody who’s really happy in the relationship calls the dating coach. So, I already knew that going in, that there’s some underlying problem.

And on the phone with her, I tried to get to the root of the problem in the shortest period of time. So, I asked her these two questions. And if you’re in a relationship right now, I would ask the same questions of you.

And you’ve heard me say some version of this on previous podcasts, if you’re a regular listener. On a one to ten scale, ask yourself about your guy. Where do you stand if you’re rating him on comfort, fun, and attraction, which are all about feelings? If you’re rating him on comfort, fun, and attraction, where does he stand? And in general, I like to hear seven chemistry, ten compatibility, something like that, which is that comfort would be close to a ten.

And then chemistry, which is the fun and attraction piece, would be above a seven, ideally. She told me the comfort was indeed a ten. She’s very comfortable with him.

She could let down her guard with him. She could be herself. She knows where she stands.

But she said the attraction was less than a five, and the fun was probably a five. Hold on now. When asked, and I didn’t even ask her for this, she gave her relationship a grade.

She gave it a B minus. So he might be an A plus person, but her feelings about the relationship were a B minus. To use more metaphors, it would be like playing blackjack and saying, I’ve got a 16, maybe even a 15.

I’m going to stand. I’m going to stick on this hand. So why would someone like that stay? It’s because of sunk costs.

She’s put in three years. She knows what’s out there. She knows dating apps are rough.

She knows it’s difficult to find someone new. She too is in her late 30s and doesn’t want to start over. And she might want a family.

She’s not completely sold on it. So here she is, maybe 37 if I’m recalling properly, and she’s got this boyfriend and he’s not at her level. Again, I’m not trying to put him down.

I’m just relaying the information she conveyed to me. This guy is not at my level. He’s not as wise, worldly, fun, mature, witty, whatever it is.

He’s just a really, really good guy who treats her well. And that’s no small thing. So then I asked a second question.

I said, if nothing else changed in your relationship, would you be happy in this relationship for the rest of your life? Assuming this is it. Like what you’ve seen for the past three years, this is it. He’ll be this way in five years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years.

If I told you this is it, would you stay? That generally hits people pretty hard because everybody’s sort of hoping, expecting that he’s going to change, that he’s going to get better. I don’t think people’s core personality changes very much. But she’s still stuck.

Last episode we talked about fear. Fear of starting over, fear of dating, fear that you can’t do better than this one situation. But if she says her boyfriend is less than a five on chemistry and that a relationship is a B+, isn’t this the textbook definition of settling? Women think I’m telling them to settle.

No, no, no. I’m asking you to raise your standards for what you come to expect. Not be bound by fear.

Come from a place of confidence. Know you can do better than a relationship where you feel like you’re settling. She deserves more.

He deserves more. He deserves a partner who’s all in on him. So this is her fear, there’s the word again, of thinking she can’t do any better.

The irony is that in having a conversation with her, she told me she has done better before. She dated a couple guys in her 20s that she was more excited about. She wasn’t really ready for a lifetime commitment at that point in time.

So those didn’t work out, but she’s already has proof of concept that she could have a relationship that has a little more chemistry where the guy is more of her equal. So she’s already proven that the relationship she’s looking for exists. And yet here she is stuck and paralyzed because she’s put three years into this really, really nice guy.

Who proposed to her and because she was afraid and conflict-averse, she said yes. So how could she spend her entire life with a guy whose primary quality is that he’s a good person? That almost comes from the place that there are no quality guys who are good people and that’s simply not true. And so I have a deep understanding of this because I have seen this story play out a million times.

I’ve seen it play out in my family. My mom, I don’t know if I’ve told this story before, but my mom was married to my dad for 30 years. It was a good but not great marriage, but there was definitely chemistry.

They had some friction because they were not great communicators as is typical of marriages that started in the 1960s. And so when my dad passed away after 30 years, my mom started over. She over-corrected and chose a guy who was extremely nice.

Gentle man, carry the heavy grocery bag, open the car door, cook dinner, do the dishes. He was a sweet sensitive guy. And I walked her down the aisle and I knew when I was walking her down the aisle that she was making a mistake.

Even though I preached character, kindness, consistency, communication, safe, heard, and understood, the guy was genuinely a good guy. The problem was, and I knew this and she kind of knew it but didn’t want to admit it, she wasn’t attracted to him. He didn’t make her laugh.

She didn’t respect him. So, okay, he’s a really, really nice guy. Two years into that marriage, she was completely dissatisfied.

And it’s because she put everything on what a kind person she was. And she went too far to the other end of the spectrum. Where most of my clients, I’m trying to tell them, hey, chemistry is not everything.

Well, you know, feeling safe, heard, and understood with a really nice guy is not everything either. That’s the thing I emphasize because that’s what most women ignore. They choose guys based on height, weight, age, education, income, similarity, chemistry.

But and ignore character, kindness, consistency, communication, and commitment. So the reason I emphasize the feelings of safe, heard, and understood is that most women have not focused on safe, heard, and understood. They don’t look for safe, heard, and understood on a bumble lab.

They didn’t look for that in their first marriage. They’re looking for a magical feeling. But that does not mean that just because a guy is nice and treats you well that he should be the one right? That’s why in all of my work, I try to present something that is nuanced.

You need to have chemistry. It is a prerequisite for a relationship just like him having finding him, you know, physically appealing or him having a job or something. Things are very basic baselines that I don’t even feel the need to tell you.

So do you need to have something that’s the equivalent of seven chemistry to get a relationship off the ground and sustain it? Yes. All right. Your person should be your favorite person.

He should be your best friend. He should be the person who’s your go-to that you want to spend the most time with. Why? Because you’re going to spend the most time with him.

So if I got a client who’s in her mid-late 30s, and she’s looking at 40, 50 years ahead and she’s evaluating her relationship as a B-, what would you tell her to do? I don’t think this is terribly complicated, but for her, this is a big existential crisis. For you, maybe you’ve done the same. So for those who are watching me on YouTube right now and see my gesticulations and hand movements, if we’re going away from the 10 chemistry, 3 compatibility model, oh my god, I’m so in love with him.

Why am I so anxious all the time? I can’t be myself around him. I don’t feel safe or even understood. We’re not going away to the other end of the spectrum where you’ve got mediocre personal chemistry, but he’s just a good person.

He needs to be more than that. Has to be more than that for you to be satisfied and not spend your rest of your life wondering what if. Finding a good partner isn’t easy, but it’s not like winning the lottery either.

It’s not that rare. There are millions, millions of married men, millions and millions of decent single men who are dating on apps and looking for the same relationship that you are. So please, please, please, whatever you think you hear me saying in these podcasts that sometimes challenge you, I’m never ever telling you to settle.

All right. And this client, again, I don’t know her. I didn’t want to weigh in too heavily.

I don’t know her. I don’t know him. I only know what she told me about how she felt in the relationship.

But it was clear that she got engaged to a guy who she spent three years with where she wasn’t excited about the prospect of your future. And I certainly wouldn’t want her to have big regrets at this important crucial juncture in her life where she has a choice to go down this path. And I can’t tell you how many women I’ve talked to over the years who knew there was a problem prior to getting married, prior to having kids, ignored the feeling and then endured 20, 25, 30 years with a guy that they knew they probably shouldn’t have married if they had listened to their emotions.

My job as your dating coach is just to get you aligned with your emotions so you can make good decisions that are consistent with your long-term goals because you deserve that. You deserve to have it all and it is achievable, but you have to make the right choices in these crucial moments. My name is Evan Marc Katz.

This is the Love U Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s podcast, please subscribe on Apple or Spotify or YouTube, leave us a comment, leave us a review. Before we go, don’t forget to go to the Extraordinary Love Series, extraordinaryloveseries.com to sign up for my new lecture and Q&A on feminine energy and the power of feminine energy and how it makes men respond to you differently.

And then finally, if you listen to this podcast and feel compelled to want to have a conversation with me, just like the two women I was mentioning earlier, go to http://evanmarckatz.com/now, put in your name, email address, fill out a short application. Let’s get on the phone and hopefully we could find you a path that you can have the relationship that you’ve always been looking for and have not been able to find by your own volition despite your best efforts. I love you.

I appreciate you. I believe in you and I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Take care.

Bye-bye.

🌟 Join the Extraordinary Love Series
🔥 Take my quiz to find out if you’ve been wasting time on the wrong men
💖 Apply to Love U Book a Call
*📷 Follow me on Instagram*

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Are you letting fear quietly sabotage your love life? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I uncover how hidden fears—fear of rejection, fear of settling, fear of wasting time—can keep smart, strong, successful women stuck, whether they’re avoiding dating, endlessly swiping, or staying in the wrong relationships. I’ll show you how these fears create paralysis and prevent you from finding the love you deserve. You’ll walk away with practical, mindset-shifting insights to help you date with confidence, trust your judgment, and break free from fear’s grip. If you’re ready to finally move forward, this episode is for you—tune in now.

What You’ll Hear

Why fear is the most underestimated factor sabotaging your love life
Common fears women face in dating, from fear of rejection to fear of settling to fear of being alone
The paralyzing effect of fear and how it keeps women stuck—either by avoiding dating, spinning their wheels, or staying in dead-end relationships
How fear can lead to self-sabotage by rejecting every man or settling for the wrong one
Real-life examples of how women let fear outweigh potential happiness and connection
The hidden cost of not dating, over-rejecting, or staying too long in bad relationships
How fear shows up in other areas of life (driving, flying, changing jobs) but doesn’t paralyze you the same way it does in dating
Why you can trust your judgment and develop the skills to confidently eliminate emotionally unavailable men
The power of believing in your ability to find love and how that changes your dating experience
How Evan helps women break free from fear, trust men again, and finally get the love they deserve

Full Episode Transcript

Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, dating and relationship coach for smart, strong, successful women, your personal trainer for love. Welcome back to the Love U podcast where you can learn everything you need to know about dating relationships, sex, and men from a man’s point of view and find a relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.

Are you sick of those words yet? I sure hope not because they are the ticket to the rest of your life. The reason I do this podcast is because I deeply believe in love. I’m happily married.

It is my chief export in trying to help other people get the thing that I’m so blessed to have. If you enjoyed this podcast and are a regular listener, you’re going to want to stick around for this episode. If you haven’t already, go to Apple, go to Spotify, go to YouTube and subscribe.

Click the button to make sure you don’t miss a single episode. If you haven’t already said something nice or given us a five-star review or left a comment, please do so. It means the world and it gets us into the eyes of more people and affects my ability to help more women find lasting love and raise your standards for what you hope for a successful relationship.

Before we dive into today’s topic, which is pretty universal, I think fear is an underestimated factor in relationships, I want to just briefly announce the next installment of my Extraordinary Love series. It’s coming up next month. In the Extraordinary Love series, I do a Zoom call, a coaching call with a short lecture and a live Q&A.

Over 360 women registered for the last one. This one’s going to be even bigger. This month’s topic, The Power of Feminine Energy, How to Inspire a Man to Pursue You.

If you haven’t already registered, go to EvanMarcKatz, don’t go to EvanMarcKatz, scratch that, go to www.extraordinaryloveseries.com, putting your name and email address, and I will see you on that live call. So let’s talk about the unspeakable, which is the deep role that fear has in everybody’s life. Now, I am a dating coach for smart, successful women, women who have everything but the guy.

When I get you on the phone, I always hear some version of the same story. I am confident. I like myself.

I have great relationships with my friends and my family. I have traveled. I own my own home.

I’ve done the work and so I really like who I am and the life I’ve built for myself. The only thing I don’t have is a partner. Can you help me get this partner? Where is he hiding? What none of that acknowledges are how fear permeates everything.

You might not use the word fear, you might use anxiety to better describe your emotions, but when I get on the phone with clients, potential clients or women who reach out to me and book a call, we usually end up kind of going deep in a short period of time and talking about the emotion that led them, you in this case, to reaching out to me. Nobody calls me to tell me that she’s thrilled with her life, even if she is happy with her life. No one’s ever called me to say, Evan, everything’s perfect.

Just wanted to let you know. Thank you, dating coach from the internet. Just want to let you know how great everything is.

So there are so many fears that bounce around in our head that I think it’s almost hard to calculate them all. I’m going to throw a couple out and see if any of them resonate with you. And if not, then that’s fine too.

But these are things I hear from women almost every day. There’s the fear of dating. If you’re a woman who’s been in a relationship for 20 years and is dating for the first time, dating might be scary to you.

Online dating might be scary to you because it’s new. I’m a dating coach. If I suddenly had to start dating now after nearly 20 years, I think I might be scared too.

And I know what I’m doing. There’s something that I think a lot of women possess, which I wouldn’t say it’s more than men, but because I coach women, I hear it a lot. There’s what other people think.

You’re not just doing this in a bubble. Women are afraid of what their children think about them dating and the men that they’re going to bring home. They’re definitely self-conscious about what their friends think of the person they’re dating and whether that person is going to fit in and is up to par.

So we can’t remove the externalities of what people feel. There is the fear of sex with someone new. There’s the fear of getting naked with someone when you’re in your 40s, 50s, and 60s and you don’t look quite like you did in your 20s and 30s.

There is the fear of rejection, putting yourself out there, opening up your heart and discovering that a good portion of the people that you’re interested in online after a first date, after you hook up and mess around, that that person doesn’t feel the same way about you, the same desire, the same attraction, the same level of interest or commitment, because the default setting in dating is rejection. We’re really comfortable rejecting, and you should. 90% of men, you don’t spend any time worrying about swiping left on a guy or not agreeing to go on a second date with a guy.

That’s normal. But if there’s a guy who swipes left on you or doesn’t want to go on a second date with you, it suddenly feels very personal. That rejection, that fear of rejection is real.

There’s the fear of settling. I didn’t come this far in life to end up in a bad relationship, to end up with a guy who makes less money, to end up with a guy who’s less attractive than my ex, to feel that I could do better. I certainly don’t want to settle.

I would rather be alone. Again, no one’s arguing with this, but it is a very common fear of coming this long only to end up in a dissatisfying relationship where you’re always in your head that you could have done better. And then there’s, I wouldn’t even say it’s the converse, there’s fear of being in a bad relationship.

So if one, you settled for a guy who is not that intelligent, not that attractive, not that successful, and you spend your time thinking, I could do better. Then there’s the, I found the guy who is tall, handsome, successful, charismatic, but the relationship is no good and I’ve done that before. I’ve gotten the guy who has everything and felt unseen, unheard, small, insignificant, gas lit, needy, not like I could be myself walking on eggshells.

So there’s the fear of being trapped in a bad relationship because you might have a history of having done that. And then there’s a, another fear of what if this never works out? What if as a 37 year old woman, I’m never find the right person. I don’t, I can’t figure out the difference between compromising and settling.

All right. I go through the apps and it’s the same story. And I am in this position at 47, 57, 67, 77.

Right. And I’m alone for the rest of my life. That’s not something I really want.

And that kind of scares me. The prospect of being alone for the rest of my life when I’ve got a lot of living ahead of me, that’s scary. So what happens is these fears, and I just outlined like 10 of them, any of which could apply to you.

And more of them could apply to you. More than one could apply to you. All of these fears are eventually paralyzing and they stop you from dreaming big and living big because they contradict each other.

If you’re afraid of dating, well, then you’ll inherently not date. If you’re afraid of rejection, it’ll keep you away from dating. If you’re afraid of getting used by some guy for sex, it’ll keep you away from dating.

So then it becomes very easy to just live your life and work and travel and spend time with your friends and just keep dating on the sideline and hope that it happens eventually. All right. So the fear of that basically keeps you on the shelf and prevents you from finding love.

And then when you’re dating, there’s the paralyzing fear of, I don’t want to commit to the wrong person. I don’t want to fall into my old patterns. And then the next thing you know, you’re rejecting every single person out of fear that if you let someone into your heart, they could break your heart.

So the easiest thing to do is just stay on that dating treadmill and never let anybody in. Never make yourself vulnerable. Never let down your guard.

Keep finding reasons to reject just about every man. And then we end up in a different place. So when I get on the phone with clients, I usually use a lot of hand gestures like I do on this podcast for those watching on YouTube.

And then there’s the person who’s stuck, sitting in the driveway, hasn’t even turned on the car to get to their destination, not dating. There’s the person who’s dating prolifically, spinning around, dating one or two guys a week for years and years and years, not finding anybody good enough, not necessarily learning, just expecting that eventually it’s going to work itself out even though they’re not making any progress in dating. And so then there’s the person who spends way too long in the bad relationship.

And whichever of those people you are at a given point in time, you’re going to create some sort of paralysis because the easiest thing to do is what you’ve already been doing. The easiest thing to do is to opt out. And what happens, we end up weighing all these risks so heavily that we don’t consider the cost of our fear.

What’s the cost of not dating for 20 years? It’s that you can’t build a life with someone. You can’t have companionship. You can’t have someone wake up next to you.

You can’t know what it’s like to have someone who’s taking care of you if you don’t date or let anybody in. We want theoretically to be loved, but we won’t go through the process of dating to find love. And so then we’re internally contradicting ourselves.

I want love, but I don’t want to do what it takes to find love. All right. That’s a fear-based response.

There’s a cost to that. All right. There’s a cost to finding fault with every single guy.

And I’m not thinking, remember, you’re the CEO. Most guys are not good enough for you. But if you find flaws with every single guy, you might be avoidant, whether you classify yourself as not.

If every guy is fatally flawed, eventually you realize, oh, I have found fault with every guy for 20 years. And I’m not necessarily going to regret it. But maybe there’s something wrong with my picker.

And maybe I’m never going to have someone who is the guy who makes breakfast for me on Saturday morning. Maybe I’m never going to have the guy who chooses to take me to wine country for the weekend. Maybe I’m never going to have the guy who’s there for me when my mom dies to comfort me.

And it’s because we reject everybody. And I was like that. That’s how you end up going out with 300 people.

There’s no judgment for this. And then there’s the people who are afraid of being alone. They stay in bad relationships because they don’t think they can do better.

I’m going to do another podcast about this soon. But there’s a cost to staying in a broken relationship for one year, five years, 10 years, 20 years. And that’s every second you’re with the wrong person is the second you’re not looking for the right person.

And the next thing you know, your life has gone by. A good portion of your adult life goes by staying because you’re afraid of leaving because you don’t think you can do better because you don’t believe in yourself. You don’t believe that there are good men.

So we stay in dead end situations. So you can see all of these things are driven by fear. And where we weigh the risks too heavily, we don’t consider the cost.

And yet this isn’t how we lead the rest of our lives. Not by a long shot. You’re brave.

You’ve done big things. Whether you think about it or not, every time you get in a car, you’re risking your life. Imagine someone who didn’t drive because they were afraid of a car crash because 100,000 people a year die in car crashes or something like that.

It’s not that it’s a crazy fear. It just would be a paralyzing fear to not be able to go anywhere by car. Same thing by a plane.

Imagine someone who’s afraid of flying. It might be somewhat irrational given the infrequency of plane crashes. And yet there are people who are afraid of doing that and they miss out on an important part of living which is exploring life outside of driving radius.

Think of someone who’s afraid of changing jobs. I understand that. It is scary to start over and take a job at a different company or switch industries.

And yet if you’re not happy or you’re not properly compensated or your work’s no longer inspiring or you can’t get along with the folks around you at work, sometimes you have to find a new job and usually that leads to a better job than the one that you were leaving. What if you stayed unemployed for the rest of your life because of fear? You wouldn’t do that. So look at all the things that fear does and realize you’ve overcome these fears before.

You do drive, you do fly, you have switched jobs, you have moved homes or moved cities because you were inspired to, because the status quo is dissatisfying. So in every way in your life you have had a level of fear. What if I move and what if I switch jobs and what if I get in a car and you’ve come out on top.

Change has proven to be good for you. So there’s in love a fear that I didn’t mention which I think I should bring to the surface which is the fear of repeating the patterns of your past. Getting used for sex, falling for an emotionally unavailable or married guy.

That really hurts and so the easiest thing to do is to not date at all, not put yourself on the line, not open your heart. But that denies you some level of agency. It’s like you’re a passive victim in your own life as if men are all predators who are out to use you or hurt you.

So the skill here is having the confidence to be able to date, to be able to trust your judgment, to be able to be the CEO of your love life, to be able to know that you could attract quality men and reject men who are going to hurt you. To realize that you have more power, you do right now without ever talking to me. You have more power than you even know.

So are there men out there who are the equivalent of emotional terrorists? Absolutely. There are some god-awful men out there and worse there are men who are not god-awful but they’re selfish and they’re short-sighted and they don’t mean to hurt you and they come across as good guys and they leave you hollowed out and mistrustful and doubting yourself and doubting mankind. Those are even more insidious.

I’m not suggesting that they don’t exist. What I’m suggesting is that you have the power to learn, to date with confidence, to trust your judgment, to be able to eliminate these men in relatively short order because you’re coming from a place of confidence, you’re coming from a place of abundance, because you know that you’re number one in a field of one and that every man in his right mind would want to be with you. If you don’t actually believe that, it’s really, really hard to live that.

That’s why before I do anything with my clients we spend a lot of time talking about confidence and belief, eradicating this paralyzing fear. A dozen of which I mentioned today, all of which are somewhat reasonable and that’s why we call them limiting beliefs. They’re partially true.

All the things you’re afraid of, it’s not nonsense, it’s real. The same way that one could get into a car crash. We just don’t let it paralyze us but when it comes to dating, if you had a 25-year bad marriage, all you want to do is make sure that you don’t end up in another 25-year bad marriage.

So that’s the one thing when people work with me, I can guarantee you’re not going to end up in a 25-year bad marriage. You are never going to settle. You’re never going to be in a relationship where your core needs are met.

You’re never going to be in a relationship where you’re the giver and he takes. You’re never going to be with a guy who was great for three months and then sucked there afterwards and try to win him over by the sheer force of your love and maybe some couples counseling. You’re never going to put yourself through that ringer ever again.

So you may have been burned by emotionally unavailable men or controlling men or men with anger or addiction issues or men who are in no position to commit to you but that does not mean you ever have to go through that again. As long as you’re on my watch, I will not let that happen to you. So if you want to join the ranks of the happily married, if you do not want to be paralyzed by fear, if you want to believe in yourself and the goodness of men again because they do exist and I see them all the time, go to evanmarckatz.com/now book a time to talk with me and we’ll have this conversation and I’ll hear what’s going on in your love life and why you feel the way you feel because it’s not silly.

It’s not irrational but it is paralyzing and you never get the life you want if you continue on this path indefinitely. I’m excited to talk to you because I’m really fortunate. I get to see women like you have success every single day and if you are stuck in a pattern, a rut, where you’re not surrounding yourself by happily married people or women who are in action, you can join me in love you and I’ll show you a whole new world.

This isn’t a big sales pitch. This is free advice. You can do whatever you want with the free advice but I do want to bring to the surface that if you dig just a little bit deeper, there is deep fear surrounding you when it comes to dating relationships and men.

Fear is always the problem. It’s never the solution. It doesn’t fix anything.

It’s only protecting you from the love that you want. When you think about it that way, fear is only keeping you away from the relationship that you truly desire as long as you let fear win. So don’t let fear win.

Go to evanmarkatz.com/now and I’ll talk to you through this process so that you can get the love that you truly deserve. Before we go today, my name is Evan Marc Katz. This is the Love U Podcast.

Thank you so much for listening. I want to remind you about the next installment of the Extraordinary Love Series. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com, put in your name and email address to join us for our next presentation, The Power of Feminine Energy, How to Inspire a Man to Pursue You, followed by a live Q&A.

If you’re a regular listener, don’t forget to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, leave us a comment or review. I am watching. I am listening.

I will respond to you wherever you are and I thank you for being a part of my love universe. I am proud of you for persevering. I know it’s not easy but it is worth it.

I look forward to seeing you there. Bye.

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View Details

Do you ever feel like love just isn’t happening—no matter how hard you try? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with my dear friend and Vedic astrologer Carol Allen to explore why timing, energy, and emotional readiness might matter more than effort alone. We break down the difference between chemistry and compatibility, how to spot high-capacity partners, and why so many smart, successful women are late bloomers in love. Whether you’re into astrology or just curious about a new way to understand your dating patterns, this conversation is packed with powerful insights that can save you time, heartbreak, and self-doubt. Tune in now to feel more hopeful—and more aligned with love.

About Today’s Guest:
Carol Allen is a happily married Vedic astrologer and relationship coach whose mission is to empower women to enjoy truly “out of this world” love lives. Her methods are a unique marriage of East and West, combining her training in the astrology of India with cutting-edge, real-world relationship research.

Whether you’re looking for a soulmate, want to deepen an existing relationship, or heal lifelong love patterns, the answers are literally written in the stars… and almost anything can be made much better with your own right actions once you know the truth and what to do about it.

Carol’s been featured on E!, Bridezillas, EXTRA, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers and in Chicken Soup For The Soul, Woman’s World, and Daily Candy, and is the author of Love Is In The Stars – The Wise Woman’s Astrological Guide To Men. She is regularly heard by hundreds of thousands of people on major relationship summits, podcasts, and radio shows.

So don’t wait on fate – discover the awesome power you have to attract, enhance, and sustain a great love, and make the most of your romantic destiny with Carol’s free newsletter and catalog of books, personalized astrology reports, and relationship programs, here: www.evanmarckatz.com/carol

What You’ll Hear

Celebrating 400 episodes of the Love U Podcast and 3 million+ downloads
Why Carol Allen is the only repeat guest on the show—and what makes her so unique
What Vedic astrology is and how it differs from Western astrology
The importance of relationship capacity over surface-level compatibility
Why timing matters in love—and how astrology can reveal your “seasons of loneliness”
The trap of “Shazam chemistry” and why it’s not a predictor of long-term happiness
Real-life client stories where astrology revealed major red flags before heartbreak
Evan and Carol’s shared belief: a man’s consistent effort is the clearest sign he’s ready
The two most common types of women who seek out Carol’s readings
How high-achieving women can unintentionally lead with masculine energy—and how to shift it
What makes someone a “late bloomer” in love, and why it’s perfectly normal
The emotional relief women feel when they learn love isn’t “all their fault”
Practical, empowering takeaways about trust, timing, and spiritual perspective
A beautiful reminder: the right love will make you feel safe, heard, and understood

Full Episode Transcript
Hey, my name is Evan Marc Katz. This is the LoveU Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me.

If you’re a regular listener, please subscribe on Apple, subscribe on Spotify, leave us a positive review. We are up to 533 mostly positive reviews and counting, and I am grateful. It gets us into the algorithm.

More and more people are talking about this. We have celebrated some milestones recently, 400th episode, 3 millionth download, really great stuff. And as I was saying prior to getting on the air today, I am in the most positive mood I have been in over a year, which doesn’t make any sense since the world is actively collapsing around us.

And yet, and yet, I am more and more grateful for the relationships that I have, the friendships that I have, the career that I have, the connection that I get to have with my clients. And so it is just my honor and pleasure to reintroduce a close friend. She is one of the only people who has been on this podcast multiple times.

Everybody else gets one interview, but my friend Carol Allen gets multiple interviews. He could teach a class in friendship. Nobody does it like she does.

She can and does teach classes and love. She also has a very unique niche as a Vedic astrologer who happens to have the credentials of having done this for 30 years and being married for 25-ish. Don’t get me started on how much this woman has lived and learned and known and shared and how many lives she’s impacted.

Her official biography, because I’ve got to read the official biography. Carol Allen is a happily married Vedic astrologer and relationship coach whose mission is to empower women. I know it’s hard to listen to me talk about you on a podcast.

I’m like, I know I wrote this, but this is really awkward. Her methods are a unique marriage of East and West, combining her training in the astrology of India with cutting-edge real-world relationship research. Whether you’re looking for a soulmate, want to deepen an existing relationship, heal lifelong love patterns, the answers are literally written in the stars, and almost anything can be made much better with your own right actions once you know the truth and what to do about it.

Carol has been on E! Bridezilla’s Extra, Dr. Drew’s Life Changer, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Woman’s World, Daily Candy, and is the author of Love is in the Stars, The Wise Woman’s Astrological Guide to Men. She’s regularly heard by hundreds of thousands of people on major relationship summits, podcasts, and radio shows. So do not wait on fate.

Discover the awesome power you have to attract, enhance, and sustain great love, and make the most of your romantic destiny with Carol’s free newsletter and catalog of books, astrology reports, and relationship programs. You can find her at loveisinthestars.com. My BFFAEAE, ever and ever, Carol. Carol Allen.

Oh, sweetheart. Oh, my God. I hope we didn’t lose everybody just then.

Come back. Come back. I mean, it is the professional thing that we have to do to tout each other’s accomplishments in a sense.

Redemption. Otherwise, I’m just having a yappy conversation like we did the 20 minutes before we recorded. Well, and the truth is, none of that would have happened.

I would not be here or really anywhere else if you had not made one of the most important professional introductions of my life that led me to an amazing mentor, that led me to my online publisher, that led me to this whole mad, mad marketing world you and I are both in that has introduced us to so many of our amazing clients in our communities and been so fortunate. I just would do anything for you and congratulations on the success of this fantastic podcast and thanks for having me back. Sure.

It is genuinely my pleasure. We should hang out in person, but since we’re here, my focus is something I haven’t been doing for many, many years since I started this podcast in 2016. The easiest thing to do is turn on the mic and turn on the camera and talk about what I’m learning from talking with my clients.

The harder thing is to schedule something when everybody’s really busy. So I’m returning to the well and interviewing people that I think really have something unique to offer. That’s really where I want to dive in today.

One of the things that I love about you is that you and I give almost identical relationship advice, but we come at it at such different angles. I’m so not woo-woo astrology anything, but there is a huge lane of people who really love this, respond to it. So I really want to give you the platform today to share how the stars explain everything to us in ways that I don’t even understand.

So what exactly is, for the people who just read the horoscope in the newspaper, when there were newspapers, what is Vedic astrology? How is it different than what we consider astrology? There’s over 50 kinds of astrology. People don’t know this. So there’s Celtic and Mayan and Hebrew and Chinese and Nepalese and Persian and Greek and Roman and Egyptian and on and on and on.

Vedic is from ancient India, and it’s of the over 50 kinds. It’s the most consistently practiced, the least interrupted, and the most fully integrated with a culture. What I love about it is they’ve never lost their treasure trove of knowledge.

So much of the Western system, which is the system here in our newspapers and magazines, and that whenever you read those, like, which sign is better for, you know, X, Y, Z, that is the Western system. And what I love, love, love about the Vedic system is they never, there was never a big book burning campaign. They never burned all the astrologers at the stake.

The church didn’t try to wipe it out. All their original writings weren’t lost at the great fire in Alexandria in ancient Greece, which happened to the Western system. So all my mentors and teachers, when they found it, they said it was like, they were all Western astrologers first.

And they said it was like going from high school to getting a PhD at MIT. There was just so much more technique to work with and so much more information. And it’s used to this day to arrange marriages over 80% of the population’s Hindu and over 90% of the population still has arranged marriages, if you can believe it.

So they don’t get married without an astrologer giving the thumbs up. And so the techniques are just astonishing for both predicting when marriage should happen and when love can come into your life or when you’re in what I call a season of loneliness. And then looking at the capacity of each person to be a good partner.

And then looking at all the myriad of ways people are compatible or incompatible. And it’s so much fun to have this technology to look way ahead at people’s lives and at people’s relationships, and tell them what’s going on. It’s really fun.

I remember you did a reading for me before I got married. Yes. And the same way I don’t remember the plot of a book or a movie, all I remember is the feeling of what I had when I was experiencing it.

I remember you telling me that my relationship was the equivalent of good but not great. I think that’s what the stars said. Well, here’s what you did, which is actually what the ancient books in India say to do.

Everybody hears about astrology more in terms of what’s called sun sign astrology. Like, hey, Aquarius, you’re best with Gemini and Libra. And sun sign astrology is what I call pop astrology.

We’re all not just the sun. It’s sort of like deciding every cake is just flour, right? Like, if you had a mouthful of flour, even though it’s the main ingredient in most cakes, would that taste anything like cake? No, you need all the ingredients. And then you need the process they go to to become a cake.

And we’re all like that. But we cherry pick these individual things about each chart, because it’s fun to sort of try to understand ourselves and try to have a way to quickly for article purposes, horoscope purposes, Facebook posts, TikTok videos to try to convey like that every single Gemini or Libra or Scorpio or whatever is the same. So people hear about astrology first in terms of themselves and then compatibility.

But the first thing you’re supposed to look at when it comes to mate selection is actually what’s called relationship capacity. And it’s more important to choose someone with high capacity, who’s kind, who’s generous, who’s loving, who’s loyal, who’s emotionally healthy enough to want to show up for you and to see their part and to take responsibility and communicate effectively, than it is to be with someone that you have Shazam compatibility with. And actually, if you pick someone where you have all the compatibility coordinates perfect, but they have low capacity, and we see this all the time, Evan, in our work, when women feel like struck by lightning, and they they’ve never left so easily, and the chemistry has never been so good.

And they just time flies with the guy, but he’s a lousy boyfriend, or he’s selfish, or he’s unavailable somehow, or he’s moody, or he has addictions, or he’s got an anger problem. It’s actually a curse to have that amazing Wow, Shazam thing. And so you pick somebody with extremely high capacity, who more slowly grew on you, and more, your relationship and your love grew out of shared experience, and her just constantly revealing all these incredible, beautiful gifts that she provided, until you woke up one day, and you’re like, wow, I’m so in love.

I didn’t see this coming. And that’s actually better. So the mediocre or the sort of average thing that I was talking about was that it wasn’t her, it was the combination of the two of you.

And that’s better. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn’t mean to put you on the defensive about that. I just thought that my recollection, you said, hey, before you get married, I have to do a reading.

I was like, all right. I’m far be it for me to look a gift horse in the mouth. Um, so, um, well, you’re a good friend, and I wanted to make sure you were doing the right thing.

I appreciate it. I don’t know what I would have done if I got a different report. That would really throw me off my axis.

So why is having this understanding so helpful with love? Does this function and again, I’m going to be me, right? Like, like, you know, I’ll put, you know, all the Evan stuff aside, but I’m going to be me. Um, does this function almost like a lot of the things that we experience online where people want information about themselves? So this, this functions like a Myers-Briggs test or an attachment style thing. Is this just another lens through which to view the world that provides information for how we show up? Yes, but it’s actually also deeper than that, because that’s just what you said, how people show up, what they respond to, how they kind of move through the world.

But this also shows, you know, so much more, you know, like timing, is it there for, for lack of a better word, forgive me, is it their destiny or their karma to marry? Are they, are, will they have children or not? Right? So all of that is, you can see all that stuff. And, and when is it good to do each of these things? Um, and so, so what’s helpful about it to your, to your first question, how does this help? Why is this important? Is when you first meet someone, you might have great energy with them or great chemistry with them. The people are on their best behavior and we all lie to each other about who we are, right? Or we don’t even realize who we are, right? So we don’t necessarily lie, but we, we misrepresent.

No, no, I’m super social. No, no, I’m super easygoing. No, no, I’m, I can’t wait to have kids.

We know, we know what people want to hear and we present ourselves as such because it’s like interviewing for a job. You don’t want to self eliminate. Right.

So what this helps you do is know somebody more quickly and know what’s fair to expect and know not just about them, but there’s, there’s this alchemy that happens between two people that actually creates a different, like a separate third entity between them that has strengths and weaknesses of its own. And, and what this does, Evan, and what I love, love, love about being able to do this for, you know, mostly women, most of my practice is women, is women put so much pressure on themselves and have so much noise often about relationships, you know, do, does this person like me, am I doing this correctly? Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I sexy enough? Am I good in bed? Am I, am I, am I, am I, sometimes something’s just oil and water and it’s not your fault. And it’s not because you’re not pretty enough or you’re the wrong age or you wait too much or you weren’t good in bed or, or, or, or you didn’t flirt or you were too needy or all those like stories we tell ourselves in relationships, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

So for example, you know, I, I have a lot of clients I work with in an ongoing way and they can contact me anytime that they meet somebody new and they want me to check them out. And I had a client a week ago, so excited because she met a guy at a conference. He was being so supportive and loving.

She was going through a big heartbreak with her daughter. This guy was charming and funny and encouraging and complimentary. She was so happy.

So she had me check him out. And I was like, uh, this guy’s like highly sensitive and pretty angry and, you know, impatient. And, and you guys were like near like oil and water.

And I’m, I’m kind of surprised it went that well, well, she, they followed up and she was going to visit him the following week. And immediately he did all the stuff I said, right? Like he did all the stuff I said, he got angry at everything. He like pushed back on everything, everything annoyed him.

And she was blown away. She said he was completely different than when she had first met him. And the fact that I had warned her and then it all unfolded, took all the noise out of what did I do? Oh my God, he was so great before I must’ve done something wrong.

Right. Or, you know, it just helped her have her eyes so wide open. Right.

Um, I had another client, uh, just the other day asked me about a guy that she just met online. And I could see this guy was like super fun, super cute, very sexy, very masculine, all the things that like make women swoon. Right.

And I said, this guy is very like, he’s had a lot of change. He’s not here to settle down. I don’t think this is anybody’s husband.

I think this guy is going to come on really strong, but I think he’s like a rascal and a rogue and a Rolling Stone. And she wrote me back and she said, you’re a thousand percent right. So, you know, trying to, trying to tame one of those guys is beyond anyone’s capacity.

So, so it’s just fun. It’s just really, it’s really fun to be able to save women a lot of time and trouble and heartbreak. Um, can I ask some more questions about this? Yes.

Because again, I always try to find the overlap between what we, what we do and what we say, because that’s, that’s where I, that’s my intersection point with your work. A lot of what you’re talking about is timing. And I think that’s, I think I’m going to do a podcast on it.

I literally had my little post-it note yesterday about how, in a way it doesn’t, I mean, we could ascribe the timing to something that was written in the stars thousands of years ago, or we could just say he’s been divorced for four weeks, right? He’s ready for a relationship or he’s only calling you once a week and it’s been two months. All we have to do is just observe the behavior. So I get less focused on the why, what’s why he disappeared.

I don’t worry too much about the why, whether it was written in the stars, whether he’s going through, like all I pay attention to is right now, is this guy based on his efforts, making you feel like a top priority in his life and is it fundamentally flowing and easy? And all the why, I kind of sort of shrugged Maybe it’s all right. But to me, we can almost arrive at the same point just based on how is this man showing up for you? Yes. Well, and how are you feeling? Because when it’s right, as you so beautifully write about and talk about, you’re going to feel peaceful and relaxed and you don’t have to ask, what’s he thinking? Where’s this headed? Because he’ll be showing up and it’ll be obvious.

So what you’re basically saying is why do they need to do my method? If anything, I’m curious about where there’s a disconnect. Let’s say, and again, I can’t say whether the stars are right or wrong, but let’s say there are two people who genuinely, the stars say they’re great, hypothetically. So you give them a great report, but the reality of the relationship isn’t that great.

Do they stick with the relationship because the stars say it’s great? No, not at all. This is why I’m trying to figure out what do we do with the information because we know when, hey, the stars say that it’s not a good time in your life or in his life, this is not the window. But I’m curious about the reverse situation.

Well, I’ll tell you what, in my experience of working with women for 34 years, overwhelmingly, the biggest regret people have is staying past the expiration date, right? Staying too long. And what happens a lot is when there’s a lot of good connections between two people and both people are basically good people, they can get pretty far. But I’ve had clients be really happy for like a year with someone, but after a year, things went sideways.

I had a client, she dated a guy for a year. They lived together like 10 months of that year. They moved in too fast for sure.

And at about a year point, he started really withdrawing and kind of shutting down and not communicating. And about a year, she hung on and hung on and hung on because there was still all that good and all that nice history, but it completely fell apart at about a year, eight months. And he just went screaming off into the night one night.

Well, we didn’t look at him until later and his chart was not a relationship chart, like at all. And I said to her, you didn’t fail. It couldn’t have been different.

Yes. He had all these ways that he could show up, but ultimately he couldn’t sustain it. And this wasn’t your fault.

So again, what it does, Evan, is it, you know, people need the why sometimes they need a way to intellectually understand and they need a way to feel, you know, some peace. And, and it, it had, I looked at him ahead of time. I would have said like, I don’t think this is a, you know, this isn’t a horse you want to bet on for the long term.

This is like, she said later, this should have been a year long fling. It would have been great, but we never should have lived together. And I shouldn’t have held on so long.

Right. But what it could have showed up, you know, but that’s where humans get involved, right? Sort of regardless of anything, the human element is people stay in bad relationships because of chemistry, inertia, the fear that they can’t do better, the fear of being alone the dread of dating. Yeah.

All right. So there’s a bunch of reasons that people overstay their welcome because change is hard and change is scary. And sometimes like, again, metaphorically, if you hate your job, but you don’t know you can get a job, you stay in your crappy job because at least it pays the bills.

And so everybody eventually recognizes that being in a bad relationship is the worst scenario of all. You’re better off being alone. And that’s, you know, and then people get rid of the bad relationship and then they get so content being alone that they forget the possibility of finding love because at least they’re not in a bad relationship.

Right. Yeah. I wanted to, I want to, again, bring it back to your area of expertise.

And because there’s women listening to me right now and, you know, I’m like, you know, I’ve worked with a certain kind of woman. There’s a type that comes to me. And I’m trying to find the overlap between, you know, the people who come to me and people who come to you.

And my guess is that there’s a ton of overlap. So in your experience, your 30 years, what kind of women are most likely to reach out to you for customized readings and dating and relationship coaching? Well, overwhelmingly I hear from highly sensitive women. And I think highly sensitive women are more, they feel energy more, they’re more intuitive.

So they often have more open-mindedness around spiritual things, esoteric things. So, and highly sensitive women are more romantic as a group. They’re more affected by chemistry.

They’re more able to fall in love like really fast. So they get into more trouble and they get more hurt. Right.

And they, they get sort of blinded more by chemistry. And, and then when they get hurt, they shut down and withdraw for longer. So they go longer between relationships and in relationships, they pour themselves.

They tend to over-function, over-give. And, and so then they really shouldn’t date by themselves because they get very sorry-eyed. They get very swept off their feet.

Probably trusting their own judgment at a certain point. Right. Right.

And so they really do need some guardrails and somebody there to go like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, honey. And then I get the really alpha badass professional women, like you do, you know, very strong, successful, high functioning, who unintentionally can really like put a guy’s balls in her purse. Right.

So, so, and then they wonder like, Oh, I don’t, I don’t understand. Like, uh, why are men not falling for me? You know, and they hire me to help with their profiles and their profiles. We’d like resumes, you know, I’ve achieved this and I’ve done that.

And I own this and I go there and, you know, they don’t drop down into their hearts. And, you know, our friend Rory Ray says such a great thing. A man can’t connect you to your heart unless you’re in it.

Right. So, so, uh, so helping those women maintain their strength and their success, but also connect more to their vulnerability and their more feminine side. And, you know, you and I are both Pat Allen fans who John Gray calls the father of us all, who talks about masculine and feminine energy and how in a partnership, one person has to be predominantly one and the other person has to be predominantly the other.

You can trade hats, but there is this kind of yin and Yang, this polarity that happens when both energies are present in a relationship. And in modern times, you know, we’re very rewarded as women for being masculine. It’s how we make money.

It’s how we get status. It’s how we get title. It’s how we, you know, it’s how we take care of ourselves, but it can also say to a guy, I don’t need anything.

I’m better than you. I got it. I, you know, and then men don’t feel 10 feet tall around us.

So what’s fascinating in astrology is, uh, every sign is either masculine or feminine. Every planet is deemed either masculine or feminine and, uh, and helping women whose, whose inherent natural nature is more masculine, helping that, helping them lean more into their feminine behaviorally. And in terms of interacting with men, it makes them so much happier and it makes men so much more attracted to them.

And that might get some hate mail right now. I hope not. I say, I listen, what I’m enjoying listening to you is, is how much we agree coming from completely different backgrounds and arriving at very similar conclusions using slightly different language would even describe my clients.

You, you know, you talk about my as if they’re all, you know, bad asses, you know, corner office, black diamond competitive skiers. Um, but there’s a good number of them. I would say even half of them are women who are, are bright and competent enough to have gone to good colleges and make six figures, but they also fall deeply in love.

They also don’t trust their man picker. They also stay too long in dead end relationships and sit on the sidelines. And I describe it like they have one really strong muscle and they have one very weak muscle and you and I both provide the, the, the, the guideposts for them to avoid falling into some of those patterns.

So hearing, hearing what we do from your perspective, uh, kind of just lights me up inside because I just feel like yes, yes, yes, you’re completely right. Um, go ahead and say that. Yes, yes, yes.

So you describe, uh, over 50% of people, um, as late bloomers in love. Yeah. I don’t know where the dividing line starts because I feel like a late bloomer in love.

Cause I, I didn’t figure anything out until I was 35 ish. I don’t know where that dividing line begins, but, uh, why do you think more people are late bloomers in love? And what’s your, what’s your version of those events? Well, astrologically every planet has an age and it sounds crazy. And I totally appreciate that this sounds crazy.

Every planet has an age that matures and before that planet matures, you don’t get the best of what it represents. So the planet of commitment and the planet of maturity itself is the planet Saturn. And when Saturn is strongly influencing relationships in a person’s chart, Saturn matures, OG is 35. And so things tend to be suppressed until the mid 30s and on for strong Saturn people. And you are a strong Saturn person.

You have in the system that I practice, which by the way, has different calculations and shifts the whole chart back 24 degrees. So most people are the sign before, the sign they’ve always thought. Your chart has the, may I say, may I review? All I thought I was, I’ll just get this out of the way.

I just thought I was a typical Leo. That’s what everybody always told me. Oh, you’re such a Leo.

And I was like, yeah, I guess I am. Well, you’re actually a typical Cancer in the system that I do. Oh my God.

But you have the moon in Capricorn and Capricorn is a late blooming moon sign. And the moon sign is our attachments, our relationships. And in a man’s chart, it’s one of the indicators of the wife.

Capricorn and Aquarius are the two signs ruled by Saturn in the Vedic system. My husband was also 35 when we got married. He has the moon in Aquarius.

And our mentor Eben Pagan has the moon in Aquarius. He didn’t get married till after 40. And he told me he was a lone wolf.

He was never getting married. And I said, you are so full of it. You are such a sweetie pie.

You’re totally gonna get married and have kids. And he did. So forgive me for talking out of school, Eben.

But so people that have moon in Aquarius, moon in Capricorn, Saturn with Venus. Venus is the planet of love. Venus in Capricorn, Venus in Aquarius.

These people have much better luck in love when they’re older, they’re much happier. So they come to me in their twenties and they’re like, what am I doing wrong? And I’m like, nothing. It’s like, you’re on a train in San Francisco and you wanna be in Santa Barbara and you keep stopping at every stop in Palo Alto, in Los Gatos, in San Jose.

And you keep thinking something’s wrong with you. Your train just hasn’t reached the station. That’s all it is.

I love the metaphors because those things are really, really accessible and they’re easier to digest. Because unless, like if you’re describing Venus, Venus and Saturn is me describing the ins and outs of fantasy football for someone who doesn’t follow football. It’s all God-believing, exactly.

But I could actually fully understand that, again, regardless of my understanding of the Zodiac and the stars and Vedic astrology, timing really, really does matter. And I’ve said before, I never would have chosen my wife two years before we met. I wasn’t ready for her.

And she was in a relationship with someone else two years after, right? I wouldn’t be looking for a woman who is 40, 41 to have two kids. So our window was just when we met. And it’s almost impossible to think of what my life would look like if I didn’t jump through that window.

It’s sort of astonishing. So I think this is why people need to be really sort of, when they talk to you, self-aware and really proactive in love and taking advantage of those windows of opportunity and giving yourself an emotional free pass if you’re in a down cycle, I don’t know how to best put it. Well, and that’s, I love that you said an emotional free pass because that’s what people tell me later.

They’ll come to me in a down cycle or a season of loneliness and they’re like, what am I doing wrong? Because it doesn’t matter how many men you meet or how many dates you go on or how hard you try or how many matchmakers you hire. If it’s not time, it’s like trying to plant crops when the ground is frozen and you’re just not gonna get the results. Now that doesn’t mean you won’t still grow and learn.

It doesn’t mean, I don’t believe that anything’s ever wasted. I just am not a person who believes in regret. I think all of our lives are full of ups and downs and times of expansion and contraction.

And it’s just like, welcome to life on planet earth, right? So just enjoy it all, welcome it all, give yourself a break. And they tell me later that they hated the reading, they hated hearing, they were in a blocked cycle. They felt so discouraged when they left, but over time it became such a comfort because as they still tried to play a little game I call beat the planets, right? As they still tried to create something lasting and significant, it became something to hold onto.

Like, okay, this isn’t my fault, I’m not crazy. Carol said, everyone will be unavailable or I wouldn’t like them or they live far away or they’d be married to someone else or they’d be selfish or whatever. And then when I said it was time, there the guy comes and it happened in my own life.

My marriage was predicted seven years in advance. And then two weeks before my husband showed up, I went to a party with a bunch of Vedic astrologers, a Christmas party, and we all shared our charts and we all made predictions for each other. And the whole room said, Mr. Wright is coming.

And two weeks later, there was my old boyfriend who was engaged to someone else who I thought was so long gone. And he came back and said everything out of the movies. And I was like, oh my God, is it you? And sure enough, it was him.

And I even said to him, well, you know, I mean I’m supposed to get married this year so I can’t be exclusive. And he was like, whatever crazy, it’s me. So luckily for me, he was hardheaded and persistent.

Otherwise, who knows what would have happened. But so it’s just, it’s so much fun again to give women comfort and peace of mind and hope and an understanding. It’s like trying to cross country without a map.

I love giving people the map and the train schedule and that peace of mind so that when they’re on the train in, you know, Atherton, they can enjoy Atherton and they can relax, Santa Barbara’s coming, right? Can people, I think I know the answer. Can people transcend this? Does it have to be the letter of the law that if you say the timing’s wrong it’s therefore impossible to find love? Because if I’m, listen, if I’m a 37 year old woman who wants to find another guy in the next couple of years and you tell me what the chart says sucks for you. Yeah.

It doesn’t matter. I gotta take some action now because I don’t have the luxury of listening to the stars in this instance. There’s not many instances where there is that kind of sense of urgency but that’s a real one.

You know, it depends. So there’s a range, there’s a spectrum of possibility and some people it’s like, there is no way. And when it’s that hard core and they’re asking me, I will tell them I just don’t think it’s gonna matter.

So if you really want kids, freeze some eggs. Like, you know, I really think it’s later. And then some people it’s a little more mixed but when they’re really in a block time they’re really in a block time.

And all the prayer, all the rituals, you know, this is Vedic astrology which is part of Hinduism. And in Hinduism there are rituals and mantras and, you know, you can hire priests to do ceremonies and you can give to charity and you can do all these things that are supposed to be remedial. I’ve never seen somebody overcome that kind of timing.

So in my experience, it depends but if it’s hard and fast, it’s hard and fast. Okay. Yeah.

There’s so much big picture stuff, right? So many- Big picture. So many useful metaphors. The hand gestures don’t mean much for an audio podcast but there will be a few hundred people who see this on YouTube.

Yes. What’s some simple, specific, tangible takeaway advice that someone can gain from this conversation that they can internalize and apply to their own life? Perhaps that they don’t hear anywhere else because of your unique perspective. Well, I think one of the greatest gifts of something like astrology is philosophical, right? This idea that there’s a larger unfolding that’s not all on you and up to you.

Your life isn’t all because of you and it isn’t all your fault. So you can’t take all the credit and you can’t take all the blame. You’re working within a larger system and just like the weather isn’t up to you, just like the time we live in and what’s happening in technology or politically or with your friends, that’s not all up to you or your fault, right? And so this idea that we can have more faith and more peace and more joy and truthfully be more spiritual about it because dating and seeking love requires tremendous vulnerability and faith.

Having this sense that what will be will be and what’s meant to me for me will come and what’s mine will be obvious and what isn’t mine isn’t mine. So if you meet somebody that you really love, but it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. And maybe that love was to show you a side of yourself you didn’t know you had or to show you what’s possible in terms of how you could feel or how someone could feel about you, but it wasn’t about ending up with them.

So a huge takeaway I want everyone to have is to just trust more and relax more and enjoy the journey more and also to really believe in love more you know, part of what I love about your work is you really help people believe in love and believe in themselves and trust themselves. And I want everybody to do that too. And that’s where our work very much aligns as well.

And I always joke with you, you always say, oh, I’m not a weird guy and I’m not, you know, into all this esoteric stuff, but you’re absolutely doing God’s work. And you’ve absolutely been such a spiritual gift to the women you’ve worked with and the people who are listening right now. So those are the big takeaways, I would say.

It’s really kind of you, Carol. And listen, over the decades of doing this, ironically, I’ve become softer, less arrogant, more open to things that I don’t know and understand, certainly less judgmental of things that I don’t know and understand. And so when someone says you’re doing God’s work, I receive that.

When my wife’s mother prays for me, I receive that. It almost doesn’t, it doesn’t matter what I believe. Because I don’t think we need to share a belief system per se to be able to say the same way religions do.

We’re all pointing in the same direction. We all want to have a transcendent love. There are more effective ways to go about it than other ways.

And what’s within your control that you can do to make different choices. And I think you’ve been doing an amazing job for so many years. I think of the thousands of people that you’ve given private readings to.

I know, it’s crazy. Where you’re not doing this sort of paced by numbers coaching session that a lot of people do. Everything you do is customized to that individual based on her unique information.

Yeah, and I often will put people off. They’ll say, oh, I want to hire you to help me find love. And I’ll look at their chart and I’ll go, great.

Call me next year. And they’re like, what? But I’m ready now. And I’m like, well, you might be ready now, but it’s not going to happen now.

And so if we do it now, you’re going to get burnt out. You’re going to get discouraged. You’re going to feel less motivated.

And then you won’t want to next year. I had a client I told that to last year. She called me back this year.

We got her up and running in February and they’ve been so happy, going great guns. And she’s 72 and she keeps calling me going, I can’t find any red flags. I can’t find any red flags.

It’s so cute. And that’s what it’s like when the stars are smiling. I love that.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Carol Allen. You can find her at her website, soulmatestars.com. And if you want to get a private reading from Carol with all of her wisdom and experience, click on the link in the show notes to go directly to apply or book a time with her. She’s wonderful, she’s affordable and you will not regret it.

You’ll have a one of a kind unique experience with her that I promise. My name is Evan Mark Katz. This is the Love You Podcast.

I thank you so much for joining me. If you are not already on my mailing list, go to evanmarkatz.com/quiz to learn why you waste time with the wrong men. If you are not on my Extraordinary Love Series mailing list, go to extraordinaryloveseries.com. Every month I do a lecture and a live Q&A on a different topic.

So I’ll be able to answer your questions, high value women seeking high value men on a customized topic every single month. And if you are serious about finding love and want someone to hold your hand through this process until you figure it out, go to evanmarkatz.com forward slash now, book a time to talk with me and I’ll ask you a whole bunch of questions about you and figure out the best way to work together. Thank you so much for your time and attention.

I love you, I appreciate you and I will talk to you soon.

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View Details

Have you ever wondered if you should date a man who’s struggling? In this special 400th episode of the Love U Podcast, I reflect on my own darkest seasons and share why timing—not just chemistry or potential—can make or break a relationship. You’ll hear vulnerable stories, hard-earned insights, and a powerful truth: you can’t build a future with a man who isn’t emotionally ready right now. I’ll also explain why empathy doesn’t mean you have to sign up to be someone’s therapist, savior, or safety net. If you’ve ever dated a man based on who he could be instead of who he is, this episode will shift your perspective. Tune in now—this one could save you years.

What You’ll Hear:

Celebrating 400 episodes of the Love U Podcast and 3 million+ listens across 220 countries
Evan shares behind-the-scenes evolution of the show since 2016
The most popular episode of all time (featuring Lori Gottlieb)
Personal stories of being passed over in dating due to career struggles
Why timing, stability, and emotional readiness matter more than potential
Hard truths about dating someone who’s struggling — and how to protect your future
Advice on recognizing high-risk relationships and avoiding self-sacrificing patterns

Full Episode Transcript
Hey, this is Evan Mark Katz, dating and relationship coach for smart, strong, successful women, your personal trainer for love. Welcome back to the Love You Podcast. It is a very special episode because as far as I can tell this is the 400th episode of the Love You Podcast.

400 individual episodes will be in the can as of today and that’s a milestone. Over the years I had a blog that you know used to get 12 million readers in a year. We had over a thousand blog posts on that.

Then the internet moved to podcasting. I started this in 2016. The first couple months we were doing this were like literally like top 20 in all of self-help.

It was a really, really cool accomplishment before everybody flooded into the space. Nonetheless, at this point in time, all of these years later, 400 episodes later, the Love You Podcast, I went and did half-assed internet research, is in the top 0.5% of all podcasts. 0.5% of, I don’t know, a billion podcasts? Two billion podcasts? There have been three million listens from 220 different countries.

Thank you to listeners in all the different countries. I assume I’m getting people from the United States, Canada, and other traditionally English-speaking countries but it really means a lot that people listen from all over the world. There have been, at least at the time of this recording, 528 Apple reviews and I think we got like a 4.7 or a 4.8. You can’t help the negative reviews but thank you to the people who said the positive things along the way.

When we go inside our podcast host, hosted by Blueberry, 91% of people who start an episode listen to the full episode. That is something. I think that the secret to that formula is that we keep the podcast relatively short unless we’re interviewing someone, in which case we’ll go for an hour but otherwise you’re gonna discover our podcasts are, you know, 10 to 20 minutes for the most part.

So thank you for listening to these podcasts all the way through beginning to end. Our most popular episode was episode 96. It was an interview with Laurie Gottlieb, a friend of mine who is the author of Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and the bestseller, the New York Times bestseller, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.

So of all the episodes I’ve ever done, not surprisingly the one where I interviewed someone who is more prominent than me is the one that got the most listens. But I’m just grateful for all of it. 400 episodes in, we’ve covered a lot of ground.

If you go to evanmarckatz.com, you click on podcasts at the top of the way, at the top of the page, we have everything categorized in the categories that we use for Love You. Confidence, Meeting Men, Dating, Understanding Men, Relationships and Commitment. So if you’re a regular listener and you want to check out some old episodes and there’s certain areas that you think are more interesting, do not hesitate to look through our back episodes because they might speak to you as much as the newer ones.

First year of this podcast, first two years of the podcast, I shot it in a studio, like literally rented office space, had a two camera crew set up and those episodes used to probably run for about 45 minutes a pop where I’d have pages and notes and it was scripted. It was a lot more robust and the podcast format has changed over the years. It’s still changing based on the whims of me and you, my audience.

And I guess I don’t know how to say it any better than thank you. I’m grateful that you choose to listen to this out of all the other things that you could be listening to. And certainly the competition is fierce.

I don’t listen to many dating podcasts. I mostly stick to comedy and politics and sports and movies, things that are a little bit lighter than my day job. Maybe politics is not that light but you get the idea.

So when you have a million choices to know that there are a few thousand of you anyway who make this their appointment listening every week, I can’t express my gratitude enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening and for allowing me to be me and share what I know with you and hopefully it makes a difference and hopefully you feel like we have a friendship, albeit a little bit one-sided. I’d like to think we’d be friends in real life.

That’s the nice part about doing this for a living is that the people who listen eventually become clients and then we get to have a real-life experience together and this is not some celebrity influencer podcaster. This is real people talking to real people and I just love the fact that I feel like on this podcast I could be as me as I can be with my wife and you are all part of my extended family. So I didn’t have anything prepared which is why I’m stumbling on.

I’m gonna get to the meat of today’s episode but thank you for making it through 400 episodes. Let there be more. Today I just want to remind you before we dive in, the next installment of the Extraordinary Love Series takes place a couple weeks.

Every Extraordinary Love Series is an amazing event. We’re doing a Zoom call, short lecture, live Q&A on a specific topic. The live Q&A is always a barn burner because I answer your real-life questions.

This month’s topic, How to Identify and Attract Emotionally Available Men. How to Identify and Attract Emotionally Available Men. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com to register.

Get on the list for free. We’ll send you reminders and I will see you on a private Zoom link in a couple weeks and you’re gonna be joined by hopefully hundreds of other smart successful women who are also trying to make better choices with men. So I want to begin with a story and I realized that when I was doing it I couldn’t figure out a way out of it.

I couldn’t figure it out for the thumbnail on YouTube. I’m really in a good celebratory mood. It’s spring, kids school year is ending, LA is getting sunny and it’s the 400th episode and I realized the topic is a little bit of a downer.

Should you date him while he’s struggling? So I’m not gonna make light of the topic in any way but I don’t want the weighty subject to get in the way of the good vibes here as best I can. So there’s gonna be some sad stories here today and there’s gonna be some hard truths given. First story and forgive the ignorance and the arrogance.

I share my ignorance and arrogance to illustrate points, not to make myself look good clearly. The first time I realized I wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea. I was in my late 20s.

There was a woman I really liked, really respected. She went to Harvard and I remember telling me just casually in confidence she would never date a writer. I was a writer and I couldn’t tell you how devastated I was.

It’s not like we were even interested in each other but she had drawn her conclusions. Writers, lots of passion, lots of creativity. She really didn’t like the moods.

She really didn’t like the economic insecurity and what that did to the person who was a writer and so it was the first time it ever dawned upon me because my parents gave me a lot of love and self-esteem. First time it ever dawned upon me, oh there’s good valid reasons that someone would not want to be with me and that blew a hole in me somehow that I did not have there before because I was so insular convinced of my own value and as I said I share these stories not to make myself look good. Second story.

I’d already forgotten about the first story at this point in time but my life circumstances hadn’t been any better. I’d been dating online for a few years, early adopter of online dating. There was one time I remember I was passed along by women like a joint.

I’d go out on a coffee date with a woman and she’d be like you’re not right for me but I think you’d be right for a friend and I get set up with a friend and then the friend would go out with me and be like you’re not right for me but I think you’re right for my friend. So I was good enough for the friend but I was never good enough. So I was having a moment where my self-esteem was getting crushed and my career was not working.

I came out here to be a screenwriter and write episodes of Friends and Judd Apatow type movies and I remember I went on a date. It was a Jewish dating site and I remember her. I can a German woman in Santa Monica who after the date and maybe on the phone with her afterwards told me that I didn’t need a girlfriend, talking about me, because you don’t need a girlfriend.

You need a shrink. You never forget the mean things that people say to you. Never, never, never forget the mean things people say to you especially when they’re right.

So this is my entry into today’s topic. Should you date him when he’s struggling? This woman was 100% right. I wanted a girlfriend.

I wanted someone who loved me unconditionally, who brought some light to my otherwise dreary life but I was so unhappy at the time. Careerless, penniless, disconnected from my closest friends and family on the East Coast, just struggling to make it through the day. Everybody’s 3,000 miles from home, right, and I’m anxious and depression is hanging over me like a black cloud.

So it was a time in my life that, you know, it’s really the worst time of my entire adult life and I had enough going for me in that, you know, I had a decent sense of humor. I had a decent brain. I had some charm that I could sometimes compensate but the black cloud was always bigger than anything that I can bring to the table.

And so when I was able to get out from under the black cloud and I could get some face time with someone, I could sometimes convince someone to be my girlfriend. I think in those years, 25 to 30, I’ve probably had about three girlfriends but, and this won’t shock you, those women who took me on as a boyfriend were also in a pretty dark place and they were damaged and they were struggling in their lives. And so this brings us to an interesting idea and, you know, I didn’t invent this, like attracts like, which is to say that I might have been a good person and to this day I believe I’m a good person.

I think we all like to think we’re good people but I wasn’t in a very good place. And any woman who was in a good place would not want to be with a guy like me who wasn’t in a good place. The only people who would take on a guy like me were people who didn’t think they could get a happier guy, a saner guy at the time.

The only people who would take me on were people who were also in a bad place, which is why as a rule, to circle back to the original premise, I tell women not to choose men based on just connection or looks or potential. Timing has so much to do with whether a relationship is going to get off the ground. So a couple bullet points to illustrate my larger point.

Have you ever gone out with a guy who is long distance, who was a good enough long distance boyfriend but didn’t want to move to you, wanted you to move to him, maybe you even did move to him but the relationship wasn’t as good in real life when you were together? Hold that thought. Have you ever gone out with a guy who is battling an addiction, whether it was alcohol or drugs, and you tried to stick by his side through it but you couldn’t because he couldn’t beat his own addiction? Have you ever gone out with a man who just couldn’t get his career together and was angry or depressed or emasculated? The entire time you were seeing him, he never really got his act together and you were the sane, stable, breadwinning one? Have you ever gone out with a man who was divorced or separated and was, no matter how strong your connection, he just wasn’t in the place to give you the relationship that you wanted? He wasn’t in the emotional space to make a big lifetime commitment so soon after his divorce or separation so once again the timing was wrong. So we can go on and on and on but the point is that circumstances matter a lot.

Timing matters a lot. It’s one thing if my wife were to abandon me after 17 years because of a bump in my career, I would not expect her to do that, but to tell someone to take on a guy who is chronically unemployed at age 29 or whatever, I don’t blame anybody for doing that. So I think we could agree you don’t abandon your partner who you’ve made a vow to during hard times and that taking on someone who’s troubled is a pretty high-risk maneuver that has a very low success rate because it’s dependent upon that person or those circumstances changing and I think most of us operate similarly.

I desperately wanted someone to take a chance on me when I was at my lowest. Who among us wouldn’t? But I also know there were people that I took a chance on when they were in a bad place and I did it based on attraction and loneliness and I usually ended up regretting my own decision because you can’t save someone from themselves. I remember years ago on my blog I answered a question from a woman who was writing to me because she had a therapist and she did not like the advice her therapist gave.

Her story was this, she’s a clinically depressed woman, but really clinically depressed, not circumstantial, like I’m out of a job or my kid is sick. It was clinically depressed to the point where she was non-functional. She couldn’t even hold down a job because of her depression.

So you could feel for her and so her therapist said, hey if you’re in such a bad place that you can’t even take care of yourself, you might not have much to give to a romantic relationship, you should probably put the gas mask on and take care of yourself first. She didn’t like that so she wrote to me and I largely told her the same thing. She might not be in the best position to date if she could not take care of herself and I naturally, because it was the internet even before social media, I got yelled at by depressed people across the internet who said how dare you, how dare you say that to her.

So here’s the thing, as a guy who’s dealt with both anxiety and depression, 95% of it before I got this career, I don’t think one can deserve love any more than one deserves to be a millionaire. In a perfect world everybody’s rich, everybody’s happy, everybody’s in a healthy relationship. It’s just not that world.

In reality, life is unfair and capricious. It is. Just look around.

Life is unfair and capricious and shit happens and people are born into bad circumstances or circumstances happen to them against their will and you just can’t force anybody, guilt anybody into dating you even if you might want to. You can’t. People have choices, people have options.

I remember the last time someone passed me up because of my career. I even remember her online name, it was Dream Maker. I don’t think she’s listening right now but her name was Dream Maker and at the time she was 30, I was probably 29, we went out for a few weeks.

Things were going really, really well but she was divorced, she very much wanted to get remarried and have kids and I was the guy who just took a job answering phones at J-Date. Maybe I was beginning to work on my first book at the time. I was making 30 grand a year.

She, after a few weeks of dating me and really liking me, just didn’t want to bank on my potential that may or may not get realized. So I understood. I didn’t like it but I understood and I remember defensively when she said goodbye, I remember telling her that I was going to be successful one day but she would end up with some bland lawyer who didn’t make her laugh, couldn’t turn her on, that was what was going to happen to her if she passed me up.

It was the act of a desperate man and she said, who knows, you may be right but she had to take that chance. She couldn’t bank on me becoming a successful writer. As it turns out, I got what I wanted to.

She did not. I became financially successful and happily married and had kids and she never put it all together. I don’t even know how I feel about that.

I don’t have any shame for it because she passed me up but she was a lovely person and I feel bad that she never got the thing that she wanted the most. I don’t know how her circumstances changed or what led her to that of course but the reason I share this story and I share all these personal stories is because I don’t blame her for her choice at all. She didn’t get to know my character, she didn’t know that I was hard-working and creative and I was on an upward trajectory.

All she knew is that I was a penniless screenwriter and that’s not the guy you marry if you want to start a family and live in Los Angeles. So to bring my story back to you, I get that it’s hard to find a strong connection with somebody but as your dating coach, at least in these circumstances, I try to be your dating coach. I try to advise you as if I would advise a client.

My job is to be your risk manager because when it comes to dating, people take terrible, terrible risks with their love life and as we say in LoveU, I hinted at it earlier, you can’t have a relationship dependent upon someone changing for you. If your guy is not in a good place when you start dating him, you can’t count on him ever getting there. You’ve got to assume this is it.

Find a guy who today, not six months, one year, two years from now, is going to be emotionally available but now, emotionally available, financially stable, commitment oriented now, not dependent upon him moving, not dependent upon his divorce or him leaving his wife. We can’t keep on banking on these circumstances and if we have the courage to say no to these sinking ships, then you will never have to waste your time on a guy with potential that goes unrealized ever again. That’s a really, really powerful lesson.

So we could have empathy for people who are struggling the same way you want people to have empathy for you but that does not mean you have to take on a man as a project and hope that if things break just right, it’s gonna work. We want a guy who’s ready-made. We want the house that we’re ready to move into right now.

Only those guys. Learn to say no to the other ones and only focus on your guys who are in a good place in life, who are ready for you and you’re gonna have a much better chance of successful relationships. Thank you again for listening to me, for allowing me to be myself, for being with me through 400 episodes.

Please subscribe on Apple, please subscribe on Spotify, leave us a positive review, tell a friend. Don’t forget the Extraordinary Love Series. Go to extraordinaryloveseries.com next month’s episode, How to Identify and Attract Emotionally Available Men.

I’ll be doing a live Q&A to take your questions about how to attract an emotionally available man and finally, if you are tired of wasting your time on the wrong men because you sunk too many years into projects and men who fail to live up to their potential, good men exist, I promise. Go to evanmarkatz.com/now, book a time with me, we’ll talk, I’ll get to know you and we’ll figure out the best course of action for you so you could finally get the love that you deserve. Thanks again for your time, I appreciate it.

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Ever feel like dating is just running in place on a treadmill? I’ve been there, and I want to help you shift that mindset for good. In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I share one powerful reframe that will help you see your dating life in a completely different way. You’ll learn why failed relationships aren’t actually failures, how each experience builds clarity and confidence, and what real progress looks like even when it’s hard to see. If dating feels like a grind or you’re questioning whether it’s all worth it, this episode will remind you that love is closer than you think. Listen now and take the next step toward the relationship you deserve.

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I unpack the five most common myths women hold about sex—from thinking men only want one thing, to assuming your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore. With insights from psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman and a few hard truths of my own, we’ll challenge these assumptions and reveal what emotionally intelligent, relationship-minded men really want. Plus, I’ll flip the script and share the top five myths men have about women and sex. Yes, it goes both ways. If you’ve ever felt confused, frustrated, or disconnected in your intimate life, this one’s a must-listen.

Tune in now to learn what no one else is saying—but what every woman deserves to know.

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Ever feel stuck dating men who seem great on paper but go nowhere in real life? In this Love U Podcast episode, I sit down with Matchmaker Maria, author and dating expert, to break down why chemistry alone won’t get you the relationship you deserve. We share how to identify whether a guy is truly a long-term match—and introduce a 3-part test you can use after every first date: Comfort, Fun, and Attraction. Learn how to avoid time-wasting second dates, trust your instincts, and date with confidence.

If you’re ready to stop settling and start selecting, this candid conversation is a must-listen.

About today’s guest:
MARIA AVGITIDIS is the CEO of Agape Match, an award-winning matchmaking service based out of New York City, and the host of the dating and relationship podcast Ask a Matchmaker. Maria combines strong intuition with matchmaking methodology to leverage each client’s unique personality, style, and history. Their love stories are a testament to how Maria has transformed matchmaking utilizing behavioral science and the unique know-how gained through her matchmaking inheritance. Matchmaker Maria and her advice for those seeking love has been featured in The New York Times, CBS Mornings, Time Magazine, The Washington Post and more.

Where you can find Maria:
Instagram: @matchmakermaria
Website: www.matchmakermaria.com

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Tired of dating apps, dead-end conversations, and feeling like you’re doing all the work? In this episode, I share how my perspective on matchmaking has changed and why it might be the right next step for you. Matchmaking has evolved into an ethical, collaborative, full-service industry that supports smart, successful women who are short on time but serious about love. You’ll learn how top matchmakers combine personalized searches with emotional insight and coaching to help you meet high-quality men without the stress.

Curious about what matchmaking can do for you? Tune in and find out.

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What if your view of love is being shaped by the wrong people? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I dive into the hidden influence of your social circle and why surrounding yourself with cynical singles or unhappily married couples could be sabotaging your outlook on love. You’ll hear real stories, hard truths, and a powerful case for expanding your perspective by connecting with people who actually believe in happy, healthy relationships. If you’re feeling discouraged or stuck in negative dating patterns, this episode is your reminder that the relationship you deserve does exist — and it starts with who you choose to listen to. Tune in and discover how to build a better belief system about love.

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Ever feel like you’re working harder on your relationship than your partner is? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I challenge the belief that relationships should be hard work. You’ll learn why trying to fix a fundamentally broken partnership may be doing more harm than good—and why acceptance matters more than endless effort. I’ll share powerful insights from clients, therapists, and real-world examples that prove you don’t need to change your man—you just need to choose better. If you’ve been holding on to a relationship out of fear or habit, this episode will give you the clarity (and permission) to finally let go.
Tune in now—your peace of mind may depend on it.

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Ever wonder if it’s too late to find love after 50—or after wasting years in the wrong relationship? In this episode, I sit down with Bernadette, a longtime Love U graduate who ended a 20-year partnership, pushed through 91 first dates, and finally found the relationship that feels easy, grounded, and real. We talk about what held her back, how she stopped over-functioning, and why dating after 50 doesn’t have to feel hopeless. Her story is proof that it’s never too late to start over—and that the right man shows up when you stop trying to fix the wrong ones. If you’re tired of settling and ready to believe in love again, you’ll want to listen.

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Can you really find love when your dating pool feels more like a puddle? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I coach Rhea, a smart, self-aware single mom navigating the unique challenges of dating in a rural town—where options are limited, distance is a dealbreaker, and small-town gossip adds pressure. Together, we explore how to reframe her mindset, set healthy boundaries, and date with intention—even when the odds feel stacked. You’ll learn why slow love is smart love, how to avoid getting stuck in long-distance limbo, and what it really means to take control of your romantic future. If you’ve ever felt like love isn’t local, this one’s for you.

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Are you unknowingly sabotaging your chances on first dates? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I break down five simple but powerful ways to be a great date—and why making a man feel good around you is the key to making him crave more. You’ll learn how curiosity, warmth, and subtle signals can turn an average night out into something memorable (for both of you). If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start showing up with confidence, connection, and clarity, this episode is your new dating playbook.

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What does it really mean to feel connected—to yourself, to others, to your work, and to something greater?

In this special episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with psychologist and TED speaker Dr. Adam Dorsay to explore the science and soul of connection. We talk about friendship, loneliness, the commodification of modern dating, and the essential qualities that make romantic partnerships thrive. If you’ve ever felt like something’s missing—even if your life looks great on paper—this deep, heartfelt conversation will show you how to reconnect with what matters most.

About today’s guest:
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley where he works with high-achieving adults (including professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, and professional athletes). He is the host SuperPsyched, an award-winning podcast with over 200 episodes available on all platforms. He has given two highly regarded TEDx Talks: one about men and their emotions and the other about friendship in adulthood. His new bestselling book Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love is now available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Beyond his private practice, Adam is a resiliency expert who co-created an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees for several years. He now serves as the resiliency consultant to DigitalOcean and provides keynotes and trainings to multiple organizations, including Microsoft, Linkedin, and the California Psychological Association.
He is happily married, the father of young boys, and he has a hypoallergenic 33-pound Australian Labradoodle therapy dog named Raffi, who lives at his home and works at his office.

Where you can find Adam:
Website: https://dradamdorsay.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adam-dorsay-psyd-cpcc-a582a2/

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I reveal the #1 secret to connecting before you ever meet in person—and why skipping this step leads to flakiness, frustration, and dead-end dates. You’ll learn my proven 2-2-2 screening method that helps you weed out the wrong guys early, spark meaningful conversation, and make smarter dating decisions without wasting time. Discover how a few small shifts in your texting and communication habits can lead to better first dates and stronger long-term potential. If you’re done with dating app burnout and ready to take control of your love life, this episode is your roadmap. Tune in now.

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Ever wonder why the men you’re most drawn to are the least emotionally available? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I coach Christy, a smart, successful woman who’s ready to stop chasing chemistry and start choosing connection. We dive into how unresolved patterns from your past can pull you toward the wrong men—and why being “chosen” isn’t the same as choosing the right partner. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of situationships, this episode will give you the clarity, compassion, and next steps to date with intention.

Tune in and learn how to become the CEO of your love life—starting now.

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Are you swiping left on your future husband without even realizing it? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I challenge the belief that there are “no good men left” by showing how small shifts in your dating filters—like height, age, religion, or shared interests—can dramatically expand your options without asking you to settle. You’ll learn why “screening in” doesn’t mean lowering your standards, and how embracing curiosity can lead to surprising, lasting connections. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start dating with a more open—and empowered—mindset, this episode is your next right swipe.

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Ever feel like your breakup left you shattered—and you’re not sure how to rebuild? In this powerful episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with Sara Davison, award-winning divorce coach and host of Heartbreak to Happiness, to talk about surviving—and thriving—after toxic relationships. We explore why people stay in unhealthy dynamics, how to spot emotional manipulation, and what it really takes to take your power back. Whether you’re navigating a painful split or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers hope, strategy, and strength. Tune in to learn how to turn your heartbreak into healing and become the CEO of your love life.

About Today’s Guest:
Sara Davison, best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’ is a multi award-winning Coach, twice best selling author and podcast host of Heartbreak to Happiness. Sara is also a global media commentator for TV and radio on breakups, divorce and domestic abuse.

Following the launch of Sara’s Breakup & Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programmes in 2018, Sara founded The International Divorce Coach Centre Of Excellence which now has a coaching community of over 450 Coaches spanning 23 countries and five continents.

Sara’s ‘Coaching Hub’ is the leading global provider of breakup, divorce and domestic abuse coaching support for businesses of all sizes as part of their employee wellbeing programme

Where you can find Sara:
Instagram & Facebook – @saradavisondivorcecoach Twitter SDDivorceCoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-davison-742b453/
Sara’s Website: https://saradavison.com/
Breakup & Divorce Coach training programme: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/divorcecoach

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Ever found yourself thinking, “He’s almost perfect… if only he would change”? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I’m diving into one of the biggest traps smart women fall into: dating for potential. I’ll share why so many “red flags” are really just differences—and which ones actually matter. You’ll hear real client stories that reveal the high cost of trying to fix a man who isn’t ready to grow. I’ll also explain why love isn’t about changing someone—it’s about accepting them, or walking away. If you’ve been stuck hoping he’ll evolve, this episode will shift your entire perspective. Tune in and start choosing love that’s real, not imaginary.

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Do you ever feel like being strong and successful in life makes love feel harder, not easier? In this episode, I sit down with Adrienne Everheart to unpack the real meaning of feminine energy—and why so many smart women unknowingly lead with masculine energy in relationships. We explore how to stop overfunctioning, express emotions in a way men can truly hear, and create connection without losing your power. You’ll learn how to recognize when you’re trying to control outcomes, how to lean back without becoming passive, and what emotional intelligence really looks like in love. If you’re ready to feel seen, heard, and cherished without changing who you are, this conversation is for you. Tune in now.

About today’s guest:
Adrienne Everheart is a Feminine Energy Dating and Relationship Coach, author, and podcast host dedicated to empowering powerful, dynamite women around the globe. With a silver-awarded YouTube channel and over six transformative courses, Adrienne specializes in helping women connect with their Feminine Energy to harmonize the connection with their Masculine Energy partner.

Her expertise is in navigating the intricacies of Feminine Energy, commitment, engagement, and rekindling lost connections. Adrienne emphasizes the importance of Feminine Warmth, the art of Leaning Back & Letting it Unfold, and the effectiveness of walking away when necessary. By empowering women to create their own vibrant lives, express their authentic feelings, and practice Feminine Energy practices, your relationship will align with your values and naturally unify Masculine and Feminine Energies.

Her best-selling ebook is “500 Ways to Talk to a Man” and her top selling course is the “ABCs to Get Him Back.” You can find Adrienne in her private coaching group iHeartLoveAcademy, or her Youtube Channel and Podcast “This Podcast is For Women.”

Where you can find Adrienne:
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX4VjsZhXN27q8rE0NiH5yA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adrienne_everheart_/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/adrienne.everheart/
Claim your free gift: https://everheartcoaching.com/free-gift

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What if the ultimate freedom—sexual, creative, personal—doesn’t actually lead to lasting happiness? In this thought-provoking episode of the Love U Podcast, I explore Miranda July’s All Fours and the larger cultural conversation around women embracing the “middle-aged sexual awakening.” But here’s the twist—I haven’t read the book. Instead, I take a hard look at the genre, ask whether the same story would be celebrated if the protagonist were a man, and challenge the idea that chasing novelty leads to fulfillment. Plus, for the first time ever, my wife Bridget joins me to share her own post-divorce journey. Tune in for honest insights, a few laughs, and a reality check on whether “having it all” is actually worth it.

Article mentioned in this episode: https://open.substack.com/pub/freddiedeboer/p/miranda-julys-lucrative-fantasies?r=5xgs2

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Sometimes, we stay in relationships hoping things will change—but what if letting go is the real path to love? In this Love U Podcast, I talk with Carolina, a Love U graduate, about her journey from painful relationships to finding a healthy, fulfilling partnership. We discuss why smart women ignore red flags, how to break patterns of over-giving, and the importance of choosing a man who takes care of you. Carolina’s story is proof that love doesn’t have to be hard—you just need the right strategy. If you’re tired of second-guessing your relationships and ready to date with confidence, this episode will show you how.

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In today’s dating world, is admitting you want marriage and kids considered needy? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I break down why so many women hesitate to state their relationship goals—and why that hesitation might be working against them. We’ll explore how dating app ambiguity benefits men, why setting clear expectations isn’t a turnoff, and how being upfront can actually attract the right partner faster. If you’re tired of situationships and want a relationship that leads to commitment, this episode will give you the clarity and confidence to own what you want. Tune in now and let me know—do you agree or disagree?

Source for statistics mentioned in today’s episode: https://www.profgalloway.com/marrying-up-and-marrying-down/#comments

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Are you constantly striving to do everything “right” in dating, only to feel exhausted and stuck? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, Evan sits down with licensed psychotherapist Rhoda Mills Sommer to unpack the hidden struggles of high-achieving women in relationships. They explore the dangers of perfectionism, the importance of embracing uncertainty, and why real compatibility isn’t about similarity—it’s about respect, curiosity, and the ability to navigate hard conversations. Rhoda shares wisdom from over 40 years of experience, offering practical insights to help you break free from old patterns and find a truly fulfilling partnership. If you’re ready for a reality check that leads to real change, don’t miss this episode!

About Today’s Guest:
Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice for 44 years, podcaster for 10 years for WHAT HEALTHY PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU DON’T. The podcast focuses on the nitty gritty about what relationships require to survive. The website therapyideas.net was created in 2003 and has over 450 pages of free information without any ads. Worked with women in prison & jail, Director of the Incest program for Pittsburgh Action Against Rape in 1980.

Where you can find Rhoda:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rhodaoncouples/
Website: http://therapyideas.net/

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Ever found yourself overanalyzing a guy’s mixed signals, wondering if he’s truly interested—or just keeping you around? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I break down six clear signs that show when a man is genuinely into you. From prioritizing time together to showing affection and talking about the future, these are the non-negotiable actions that separate relationship-ready men from time-wasters. You’ll also learn why consistency matters more than chemistry and how to stop making excuses for men who just aren’t showing up. If you’re tired of guessing where you stand, this episode gives you the clarity you need to date smarter—and find the love you deserve.

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Is it really possible to find love after 40—especially after divorce, disability, and a history of toxic relationships? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I sit down with my former client Teresa, who opens up about her journey from rock bottom to happily married. We cover how she overcame online dating overwhelm, rebuilt her confidence, and used emotional intelligence to choose the right partner—despite some shocking early challenges (like her now-husband’s surprise baby news). If you’ve ever felt like the odds were stacked against you, Teresa’s story will inspire you and show exactly what’s possible when you trust yourself, do the work, and stay open to love. Listen now and start rewriting your own love story.

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Are today’s men too passive—or have women simply become too proactive? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I break down the modern dating dilemma, where ambitious women feel like they have to chase men just to keep their attention. I’ll explain why this dynamic leaves women exhausted and unfulfilled—and why leaning into your feminine energy can actually attract the kind of confident, proactive partner you want. If you’ve ever wondered whether mirroring works, or if “nice guys” can still step up, this episode has the answers. Tune in and discover how to create a relationship where you feel pursued, valued, and fully cherished.

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Struggling with dating dynamics and feeling like you’re giving more than you get? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, dating coach Evan Marc Katz sits down with relationship experts Tarah and EJ Kerwin to break down why so many women overfunction in relationships and how to shift the dynamic. Discover the key to emotional safety, effective communication, and choosing a partner who truly sees, hears, and understands you. Whether you’re dating or in a long-term relationship, these insights will help you create a more balanced, fulfilling connection. Listen now to learn how to build the relationship you deserve.

About Tarah & E.J. Kerwin

Tarah and E.J. Kerwin are relationship experts and the founders of Relationship Renovation, a dedicated therapy practice in Tucson, AZ, committed to helping couples strengthen and transform their relationships. Their flagship venture, the Relationship Renovation Counseling Center, offers therapy grounded in a unique model that emphasizes intentional communication and empathy. With the launch of the Relationship Renovation @ Home Program, they have expanded their reach, providing couples nationwide and globally with structured support to foster relationship growth. Since 2019, they have co-hosted the highly regarded Relationship Renovation Podcast, tackling common relationship challenges with empathy and actionable insights. In 2024, they expanded their impact by launching the Relationship Renovation YouTube channel, further supporting couples on their journey toward healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Check out their Relationship Renovation at Home Program! You can download a sample here.

Where you can find them:

Website: https://relationshiprenovation.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfb8I3evBi7aZcVnmvN_yPw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationship_renovation/

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Does having sex too soon affect how a man sees you? In this Love U Podcast, I explore why timing matters and how it can shape the course of a relationship. You’ll gain insight into how men think about sex, why patience can deepen connection, and how setting boundaries can shift the dynamic. Whether you’re navigating early dating or wondering where you stand, this episode dives into intimacy, attraction, and long-term compatibility. Tune in now!

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Why do some relationships fizzle out after a few months? And how can a shift in mindset lead to lasting love? In this episode, former client Rachel shares her journey from short-term connections to a secure, fulfilling relationship—without changing who she is. Discover why character matters more than chemistry, how to spot a secure partner, and how pacing emotional intimacy can help you date with confidence. If you’re ready to break free from frustrating dating patterns and connect with someone who truly values you, this episode is a must-listen.

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Marni is a close friend, a high integrity human being, and one of the best I know at navigating change and radically reinventing your life. She went from being a high-paid dating coach to living a life more aligned with her values – leaving Los Angeles for a small ski town in Colorado – taking less money but finding more peace and happiness on the way. If you’re questioning a lot of things in life, her new book, “Your Radical Living Challenge,” may be the breakthrough you need.

About this episode’s guest:
Marni Battista is an entrepreneur, author, transformational coach, podcast host, and radical truth seeker. Her straight-to-the-point podcast and page-turning books drop beautiful pearls of wisdom that will provide life-changing stories of triumph and courage—empowering you to start LIVING a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Battista’s essays have appeared in The LA Times, The Jerusalem Post, Happiful Magazine, The Huffington Post, and more. She has also been featured on The Dr. Phil Show, On Air with Ryan Seacrest, Home & Family TV, and Loveline with Dr. Drew.
Battista currently lives with her husband in destinations around the world as they continue their Radical Living Challenge—the subject of her upcoming book, to be published by Hay House on February 5, 2025

Where you can find Marni:

Home

Home

Home

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Datingwithdignity
Twitter: https://twitter.com/marnibattista
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@LifeCheckYourself

The Radical Living Challenge: 7 questions for living a meaningful life: https://radicallivingevent.com/

Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future: https://decodeyourdestinyquiz.com/

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Sometimes, attraction disappears in an instant—but is the ick a real dealbreaker or just a reflex? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I break down why women experience the ick more than men, the psychology behind these sudden turn-offs, and whether they’re actually keeping you from a great relationship. From minor quirks to social conditioning, I explore what triggers the ick, why genuine interest is often mistaken for a turn-off, and how to distinguish between superficial dealbreakers and true incompatibilities. If you’ve ever lost attraction for someone over something small, this episode will help you rethink what really matters in love.

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Are dating apps failing you? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I talk with Adam Cohen-Aslatei, CEO of Three Day Rule, about why so many singles feel burned out on modern dating. We explore the pitfalls of swiping culture, the power of matchmaking, and why dating is a skill you can (and should) learn. Adam also shares insights on Three Day Rule’s exclusive $1M matchmaking experience and how personalized coaching can transform your love life. If you’re frustrated with dating and looking for a better approach, you won’t want to miss this episode.

About this episode’s guest:
Adam is the CEO of Three Day Rule, one of the top matchmaking and relationship wellness companies in the U.S. He is also the founder of S’More, the world’s first anti-superficial dating app, which he successfully grew and sold to Tawkify, a leading matchmaking service, in 2023. With over 17 years of experience in the dating industry, Adam has held leadership roles at prominent companies including The Meet Group, Zoosk, Tawkify, and Bumble and has appeared in major media outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NBC, CBS, and ABC.

As a high-growth marketer and expert in dating app product development, Adam previously served as Managing Director of Chappy, Bumble’s gay dating app, which was acquired by Blackstone in 2019. Over the past five years, he has been recognized as a leading executive in the dating industry and frequently consults for companies like FAM, Meetup, Blaber, Friended, Raya, SoLo Funds, and The Lunge App.

Where you can find Adam Cohen-Aslatei:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/adam-cohen-aslatei-0170018/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/three-day-rule/
https://www.instagram.com/threedayrule
https://www.facebook.com/ThreeDayRule
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBXy3queMhTezmrdhOICE3Q
https://www.threedayrule.com/million_dollar_matchmaking

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In today’s Love U Podcast, I sit down with Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, the hosts of the hit Datable podcast and authors of How to Be Dateable, to unpack the modern dating landscape. We discuss why so many singles feel stuck, the common traps that keep people from finding love, and how to shift your mindset to create real connection. From the myth of “love on demand” to the dangers of playing relationship chicken, we explore how dating has become more about strategy than sincerity—and why breaking free from these patterns can transform your love life. If you’re tired of swiping, second-guessing, and feeling like dating is a numbers game, this episode will give you the fresh perspective you need to date with confidence and ease.

About Today’s Guests:
Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. They’re also the hosts and executive producers of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. Julie brings her background in human-centered design and research, while Yue shares her experience as a dating coach.

Where you can find Julie & Yue:
Websites: https://howtobedateable.com/ and https://dateablepodcast.com/
Get their book: https://amzn.to/3Q24YvI

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What do you do when he’s moving too fast or too slow? In this Love U Podcast, I’ll teach you how to slow him down, speed things up, and set boundaries that make dating feel easy. From avoiding blind dates with strangers to using FaceTime as your first date, this episode is packed with practical advice to help you find a man who’s ready to build trust and connection. If you’re tired of endless texting and mixed signals, this episode is for you!

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I talk with Aleeza Ben Shalom, a world-renowned matchmaker, dating coach, and author. Aleeza shares her journey into matchmaking, insights on aligning values in relationships, and the importance of intentionality in dating.

We discuss the challenges of modern dating, how to approach relationships with clarity, and her advice for building a love that lasts. If you’re ready to navigate dating with a fresh perspective, this episode is packed with practical wisdom.

About today’s guest:

Aleeza Ben Shalom is a world-renowned matchmaker, dating coach, and soulmate clarity expert, best known for empowering marriage-minded singles to find their ideal match. As the founder of Marriage Minded Mentor, she connects individuals with skilled professionals and has trained over 350 dating coaches and matchmakers worldwide. Her expertise has been featured in prominent media outlets, including NBC News, The Guardian, and Rolling Stone.

Where you can find Aleeza:

Website: https://marriagemindedmentor.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aleezabenshalom
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@aleezabenshalom
Get Aleeza’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Matchmaker-Find-Love-That-Lasts/dp/1454956143

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Are your dating habits holding you back? In this Love U Podcast, I share the story of a woman stuck in a cycle of unfulfilling relationships, and reveal how to identify and break bad dating habits. Learn why settling doesn’t work, how to embrace your worth, and how aiming higher can transform your love life. If you’re ready for something better, this episode is a must-listen.

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In this emergency episode of the Love U Podcast, I share my experience facing wildfires that threatened my home and family. From managing chaos to working as a team with my wife, this crisis reinforced the importance of love, communication, and clarity. Tune in for valuable insights on navigating challenges together.

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Anxious and avoidant attachment styles may seem like opposites, but they share surprising traits that can hold you back in love. In this episode, I uncover what these patterns have in common and how they impact relationships in ways you might not expect. If fear or frustration has been getting in the way of your happiness, you don’t want to miss this.

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Are you unsure about your attraction to the man you’re dating? In this Love U Podcast episode, I delve into how to navigate that uncertain feeling, distinguish between negative and neutral attraction, and evaluate whether a connection has the potential to grow. I share practical strategies for assessing comfort, fun, and attraction on early dates, and offer permission to say no when the chemistry just isn’t there. If you’ve ever wondered whether to give a guy another chance or move on, this episode provides the clarity and confidence you need to make empowered decisions in dating. Tune in for actionable advice to start the New Year with a fresh perspective on love!

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Are dating, relationships, and marriage a thing of the past? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, my friend, Carol, and I discuss the cultural shifts impacting modern love. We explore why so many people are opting out of dating, whether online dating is making things harder, and how societal expectations around gender roles and attraction play into the challenges of finding a lasting relationship. Plus, we share practical advice for staying open, overcoming limiting beliefs, and taking control of your love life—no matter the trends. If you’ve ever wondered if true love is still possible in today’s world, this episode offers hope and actionable insights to help you stay optimistic. Don’t miss it!

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Do you spend too much time in your head overthinking your relationship?

In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I explore the two most common types of overthinking in relationships: anxious attachment and analyzing failing relationships to death. I share why overthinking happens, how it sabotages your happiness, and the tough questions you need to ask yourself to gain clarity. Whether you’re stuck in an unsatisfying relationship or constantly second-guessing a good one, this episode offers practical advice to help you stop overthinking and start trusting your feelings. If you’re ready to find a relationship that feels easy and secure, you don’t want to miss this one!

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Are you really being ghosted—or are you misreading the situation? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I unpack the nuances of ghosting, explore what it really means, and challenge common misconceptions. From dating app conversations that fizzle to serious relationships that abruptly end, I delve into how to differentiate between typical dating behavior and true ghosting. Plus, I offer insights on how to respond when someone comes back after disappearing. If you’ve ever felt confused, hurt, or frustrated by sudden silence, this episode will help you navigate online dating with more confidence and clarity.

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Sometimes, the best choice is to prioritize yourself over a relationship. In this Love U Podcast, I explore six reasons why you might choose self-focus over dating, whether for personal growth, independence, or emotional well-being. Embracing time alone can help you rediscover what you truly want and regain clarity.

If you’re ready to navigate the balance between independence and connection, this episode is a must-listen.

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What is masculine energy, and why do women need from the men their relationships? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, Carol and I unpack the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies, sharing how they complement each other to create stronger, healthier partnerships. We explore the challenges of shifting gender roles, why men and women often struggle to find balance, and how understanding this can help you connect on a deeper level. Tune in for personal stories from our marriages, stay for the client successes and practical insights!

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In the early stages of dating, taking things slow can make all the difference. In this Love U Podcast, I reveal the best practices for dating during the first month, from pacing emotional intimacy to setting boundaries that protect your self-worth. Discover how to keep things balanced, avoid common pitfalls, and see if he has genuine relationship potential over the first four to six weeks. This episode provides a roadmap to confidently navigating the early dating phase without rushing into commitment, so you can avoid unnecessary heartbreak and set yourself up for long-term success.

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In a world that can feel negative about dating, it’s easy to believe there are no good men left. In this episode, I challenge that belief with real stories and research showing that genuine, committed men do exist. I share two stories of men who found love later in life, despite heartbreak, and emphasize that finding a great partner is about staying open, setting high standards, and not settling for less. I also dive into new data on remarriage rates that defies the stereotype of men avoiding commitment. If you’re feeling discouraged about love, this episode is here to remind you that the right man is out there.

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After an incredible week at a retreat in Mexico through Modern Elder Academy, I had a car accident on the ride home from the airport. I’m okay but moments like this are excellent for reflection, so I decided to do an emergency podcast. Tune in to hear what happened, what I learned from the retreat, how it applies to dating, and why we need other people to live our lives to the fullest.

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Have you ever found yourself fixating on someone you barely know, building a fantasy that leads to disappointment? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I share how to break free from this cycle. I discuss the reasons why obsessing over someone too soon can be emotionally harmful and offer six practical steps to regain your focus and self-worth. Learn to challenge your thoughts, set boundaries, and imagine a future centered on your goals, not just a relationship. By reframing your approach to dating, you’ll be ready for the kind of love that feels secure and fulfilling. If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start enjoying your life as it is, don’t miss this episode!

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As a high-achieving woman, you have choices. You can choose to give a chance to a guy who is not your type, or stick with your type. You can choose to make his behavior a dealbreaker, or learn to accept him in full. In this episode, my friend Carol Allen and I consider your choices and draw the same conclusion: all married couples compromise your way into happiness, and what they tolerate from their partners is minor compared to what they gain. We also discuss what it’s like to be a childless woman in a world of parents, and celebrate another Love U engagement. You don’t want to miss this!

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Have you ever been stuck in a situation where you’re giving more than you’re getting? In this episode of the Love U Podcast, we dive into the tough but necessary conversation about breaking up with someone who isn’t ready to commit. I’ll guide you on how to recognize when a relationship isn’t progressing and why it’s important to set boundaries to avoid wasting time with someone who isn’t ready for a future with you. If you want the confidence to let go of a relationship that’s not escalating and find the strength to move on to something better – this one’s for you!

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It’s not just a hit Netflix series; it’s a direct calling for me to respond as a Jewish man married to a Catholic woman in a healthy interfaith relationship. In this episode, I talk about what’s bad, what’s good, and what Love U principles Kristen Bell’s character violates in her attempts to rid herself of a kind, consistent boyfriend. If you’ve watched the show, it’s worth the listen.

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We started off discussing the topic of envy – how rich people often envy happy couples and happy couples envy those with greater wealth. We moved to why I envied Matthew Hussey and he also envied me. (Seriously!) Finally, we went to a dangerous place – why political differences are so divisive and why they don’t have to necessarily end your relationship. Carol and I don’t agree politically but we do agree that people are more than their beliefs and opinions. Anyway, this Love U Podcast is juicy and I predict you’ll have something to say about it.

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In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I discuss three common ways women can be afraid of commitment. While it’s often assumed that men are the ones afraid to commit, Evan reveals how many women, even those seeking a serious relationship, can experience fears around commitment, avoiding key conversations, and feeling uncertain about what they truly want. Learn how to identify these behaviors, establish healthy boundaries, and get clear about your relationship goals so you can find the love you deserve.

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I brought back my friend, Carol, to talk about one of the most popular dating videos on YouTube: How to Keep a Man Interested in You. Yes, we have a list of 10 reasons, but that’s not where we spend most of our time. Because the big question is not about how to keep a man from a place of insecurity, but rather, how to be the kind of partner that makes men feel accepted and appreciated. In addition, we talk about a recent New York Times article about the value of friendship even when you are in a committed partnership. If you ever feel insecure around men or lonely in relationships, this is the episode for you.

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Tired of superficial dating advice that doesn’t really work? In this episode, I’ll show you how to transform your love life by making five small changes to your dating habits. These tips will help you date smarter, broaden your options, and create more meaningful connections—without changing who you are or what you want. When you shift your online dating approach – just a litttle – you can finally see the results you deserve!

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I know, as a guy, there’s a limited amount I can weigh in on a topic that affects every woman: menopause. But since my listeners are generally in midlife, it felt like a smart idea to bring in one of my best friends, Carol Allen, for a conversation about how menopause affects your body and your relationships. I share stuff from my own marriage, as does Carol, and since she’s been married ten years longer, it’s worth your while to listen up. In addition, we talk about the rulebook in your head and how we can rationalize all of our own behaviors. I enjoyed having a co-host. Hope you enjoy it, too!

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When you’ve had nothing but rejection, failure and disappointment in your relationships, it’s easy to second-guess yourself. The problem is that, when a good man comes along and is doing 95% of what you want, you obsess about the 5%. While your questions may be reasonable, if you find that your anxiety is driving your actions, it helps to learn to trust – both men and yourself. I hope this episode helps get you to a place where you’re not overthinking and you can actually enjoy falling in love.

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In this Love U Podcast episode, I dive into the concept of “dating up”—the idea that women should aim to date or marry someone with more wealth, power, or status. This episode was inspired by a thought-provoking conversation with a client who challenged me, claiming that women need to hear the cold, hard truth about their unrealistic dating expectations. If you’re a woman who’s tired of not finding men on your level, this episode is a must-listen.

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In this Love U Podcast, I share a tale of friend who had a hard time committing because of a lack of passion (despite the good sex) – because I felt some of those same feelings once upon a time. This leads into the five stages that men go through before they’ll commit. If you’re a woman who wants to know what men are really thinking when they’re dating you, this is an eye-opener.

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Every relationship that ever broke up started with some level of excitement. Those first few weeks and months of breathlessly getting to know each other, explore each other, and make giddy plans for the future. But, as you already know, the first months (and even years) bear little resemblance to marriage and have little predictive power. In other words, every eager guy is going to put on his best face when he’s interviewing for the job. What happens when he’s got the job and starts to take it for granted. In this episode, you’ll learn that your future partner will never stop doing this ONE thing: making an effort to please you.

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Many smart, strong, successful women have trouble setting healthy boundaries with men. These powerful women give up their power to get along, to please, and find themselves emotionally dissatisfied within their relationships. In this Love U Podcast, I share a few anecdotes that correlate with 5 important boundaries you MUST set with men. None of them are revolutionary ideas; all of them are importance if you want to have a partner who hears and respects your wishes.

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Is it a good idea to go “no contact” after a painful breakup where you still have feelings for him? Absolutely. Is it a good idea to use “no contact” as a means to make your ex miss you so he’ll take you back? Hell, no!

In this emergency Love U Podcast, I discover that there are some coaches who will tell you what you want to hear – regardless of whether the advice gets you results.

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There’s a temptation when you first start dating to tell a guy what you expect from him. After all, previous men have disappointed you, you’ve learned your lessons, and you want to set healthy boundaries and expectations. The issue is twofold: a) you can’t tell a man who is not your boyfriend how to act and b) you don’t always deliver the message in an effective way to get what you want.

In this episode, I break down the logic about when you should talk about your needs and how to know your requests are reasonable and well-received.

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There’s a lot of talk about red flags: separated guys, recently divorced guys, guys who never want to get married, guys who aren’t sure if they want kids, long distance guys, etc. These men are easy to spot and avoid. But how good are you at paying attention to GREEN flags – the traits and behavior you want to see in men? In this Love U Podcast, I run down 7 things to look for in a new partner if you want a chance at long-term compatibility.

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I haven’t interviewed anyone on my podcast since 2017 but when I got the opportunity to speak with Thais Gibson, creator of the Personal Development School, I leapt at the chance. She’s fiercely intelligent and listening to her go deeper on attachment styles and limerence was a treat.

Thais Gibson is a counselor, best selling author and co-founder of The Personal Development School. She has a Ph.D. and over 13 certifications in modalities ranging from CBT, NLP, somatic experiencing, internal family systems, to shadow work and hypnosis. Thais had nearly a decade of experience running a successful private practice and founded The Personal Development School, an online learning platform, to provide a more accessible, authentic way for clients to transform their lives. Thais is on a mission to empower individuals to overcome their insecure attachment styles and reprogram any limiting thoughts and behaviors, creating long-lasting and enlightening changes. She is the bestselling author of Learning Love, and she and her husband split their time between Austin, TX and Toronto, Canada.

Together, we discuss:

How anxious people can tell if it’s his behavior or their anxiety that’s triggering them.
The value of dating a secure person and how that feels different than anxious/avoidant pairings
Why attachment styles are malleable and change depending upon your circumstance and your partner.
The definition of limerence. Why does it take place? What are the symptoms?
Coping strategies to manage limerent feelings.
Whether you should walk away from a 10 chemistry or go towards it.

Find her at https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/ and https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool

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As an independent, successful, single woman, you’ve built a life about which you can be extremely proud.

There’s only one problem. You have to take care of everything yourself. The mortgage. The health insurance. The plans. The repairs. The vacations. You take care of your parents, you take care of your kids, you take care of your clients.

I just have one question for you: who’s taking care of YOU?

This special Love U Podcast episode explores the story of one woman who is finally ready to let a man take care of her.

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I once took a poll and discovered that 40% of my mailing list was not dating at all. These are women who had enough interest in the subject matter to reach out to me for dating advice, but, for their own reasons, chose not to use it. I feel for them. When all your past relationships have disappointed, it’s natural to feel afraid and paralyzed when it comes to dating. The problem is that you’ll never find love if you don’t date. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to nudge you to stop letting fear win.

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The first presidential debate of 2024 was revealing. We saw, quiet clearly, that the two candidates running for office were, in fact, incapable of being the leader of the free world.

How does this apply to dating and relationships, you might ask?

Well, the world is filled with Donald Trumps and Joe Bidens. One is selfish and untrustworthy. The other is a nice guy who is not capable of the job.

So, what should you do, as the CEO of your love life, when you run across men like these? Check out this Love U Podcast to hear my take.

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I agree: the masculine/feminine thing is a little overdone. And yet I still think there’s value in emphasizing that women tend to have certain traits that men lack and therefore, crave. In this Love U Podcast, I’ll run down six of the most important ones and share examples of how I get to experience them in my marriage. If you listen and think, “Hey, I do that!” then I predict you’ve got a bright relationship future ahead of you.

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My client Diana taught me a valuable lesson last week. After dating man with excellent long-term relationship potential, she wasn’t quite feeling it. Since she didn’t want to let a good catch go, she started to talk herself into why she should keep seeing him. Then she asked this ONE question that clarified EVERYTHING for her. In this quick Love U Podcast, I’ll share that one question so you can ask it yourself.

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Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match… at a certain point, you’ve tried all the apps and you’re getting burned out. It’s so bad, you become convinced that the best way to find a partner is to stop dating online, lead your best life, and hope that you run into a quality, relationship-oriented single man. It may feel good to take a break from online dating; the problem is that “real-life” doesn’t provide many opportunities for dating.

In this episode, I acknowledge the flaws of online dating and remind you that you can still have a rich, full, flirty single life AND have a much better chance of finding love if you learn how to date online effectively.

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We all engage in wishful thinking, to some degree. Even when the evidence points to the answer being no, we find some sliver of hope that it can become a yes. Nowhere is this more evident than in dating. In this Love U Podcast, I share a story about my tortured “When Harry Met Sally” relationship that took up nearly two decades, and give you the courage to cut loose men who, despite your feelings, don’t make for healthy long-term partners.

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Online dating apps have done two things:

Given men and women infinite options at their fingertips,
Tortured those same men and women since so few of those options pan out.

In this Love U Podcast episode, I break down the five most prominent ways you can tell that your relationship isn’t going anywhere. Starting from the first date and going chronologically through the relationship, I outline the red flags that should cause you to cut bait and find a more enthusiastic man.

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You know the feeling. You go on a great date or two. You catch feelings. You start to think about a future. You sleep with him. And then, a few weeks later, you discover that he is NOT the man you thought he was. It may be maddening but since it’s common, we need to talk about it. In this episode, I’ll share how dating is a show and why you don’t want to commit to a man until you’ve spent some time backstage.

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I’m returning to my roots from 20 years ago, when it was all about people and relationships and tangible breakthroughs that lead to lasting love. In this short video, I’ll share what that means for me and why it’s great for you.

If you’re in pain and want coaching over the summer, I will be taking clients on a very limited basis. You can apply through my website: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/now

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Although dating coaches tend to emphasize compatibility over attraction, make no mistake: attraction is important. Good sex is important. And figuring out the blend between passion and comfort is the most important. In this episode, I walk you through the formula from Love U that has helped thousands of women find satisfying relationships – both physically and emotionally. No settling involved.

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Even good relationships involve conflict and compromise. You know what it’s like to be with a guy who isn’t a fair fighter. He raises his voice. He shuts down. He hurls insults. He brings up other arguments. He doubles down and escalates the conflict even when he’s mistaken. You don’t want to be that guy. In this Love U Podcast, I share a communication technique that I learned twenty years ago that I still use today. This one is a relationship-saver.

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When you’ve been hurt and disappointed, it’s easy to assume that the next guy is going to do the same. The problem is that not all men are bad. And if you’re dating a nice, commitment-oriented guy and treat him like a composite of all the jerks you’ve dated in the past, you’re never going to get a nice guy. In this podcast, I tell a powerful story about a client who came from an abusive background and is actively overcoming her trust issues in Love U.

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You may find it annoying or triggering but it’s common for men to ask you why you’re still single. Instead of shutting down or overexplaining, it’s important to be able to answer this question with poise and confidence. If your reflexive answer to why you’re still single is “I just haven’t met the right guy,” you REALLY ought to listen to this. My advice will likely surprise you.

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I know it should seem obvious but the fact that I recorded a podcast about it means that plenty of women still find married men alluring. In this episode, we’ll talk about why married men are often more romantic than single men AND 4 reasons why it absolutely doesn’t matter and you should run far, far away from any married guy who shows interest in you.

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If you didn’t have a healthy nuclear family with loving married parents, its likely that you formed an attachment style that is either anxious or avoidant. But what happens when your anxiety turns into avoidance, and your avoidance turns into anxiety? This is something I see with women in Love U and a phenomenon that I felt was worth airing in today’s episode. Your past doesn’t have to predict your future; it just takes strength to make different choices with men.

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My readers often ask me to create specific programs for them. “Why can’t you create something for women in their 60’s who are facing a smaller dating pool with men who are retired, widowed, unhealthy and dealing with erectile dysfunction?” The answer is that despite the unique challenges facing women of different ages, 95% of dating and relationship advice is universal. It’s about confidence, communication, boundaries, beliefs, and the skill of learning to be more effective in dating. But, as a man of the people, I’ve listened to you and put together this podcast highlighting the unique challenges of dating in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. l hope this means I don’t have to create an entirely new program.

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You know the narrative. Men suck. There are no good ones left. They’re all narcissists or losers or emotionally unavailable. The cute ones don’t want to settle down. The ones who want to settle down aren’t attractive. When you finally find one you like, the compromises are too great. I’m not here to argue with you. What I will say, as a happily married dating coach, is that you have two choices: accept him as he is or dump him. What you can’t do is stay in a relationship with a man who you’re constantly criticizing and wanting to change. My take: if you can find one man on Earth you can fully accept, you’ll both be happy for the rest of your life.

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My smart, successful clients have all loved and lost. Yet they recovered to rebuild their lives and fill it with meaningful work, travel, hobbies and friendship. Today’s question is whether this is enough. Is being happy alone a condition for finding love or is a trap that allows you to stay alone indefinitely? What’s the benefit of lasting love when being single is better than being in a bad relationship? In this Love U Podcast, I do my best to explain.

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While it’s easy to get mad at guys who overvalue youth and beauty, the truth is that you need more than looks to be with a quality man. In fact, quality men are all about how you make them FEEL. If your default behavior in relationships is to feel anxious and critical of your partner, it’s time to choose better men and make a big shift in how you show up. It’s a challenging concept but one that is very much worth your while. Plus, I tear up when I read a Valentine’s Day card from my wife, so that’s always fun.

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When you’ve had bad luck with men, it’s easy to question your judgment. How important is chemistry? When can you tell if there’s compatibiity? How much time should you invest to discover if there’s enough of both? Most women waste years on the wrong men – and have no idea what to do differently. Today, I’m going to give you a three step process to determine if a man deserves another date, and why it’s essential to cut him off quickly if he doesn’t.

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Don Miguel Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements. One of them is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” Nowhere is that more relevant than in the world of dating. Texting, hooking up, ghosting, breadcrumbing, endless amounts of rejection. And yet none of it is personal. No one is out to get you. You’re just collateral damage in someone else’s journey. To succeed in dating, you need a strong ego – and you also have to know when to put it aside. If you’ve ever been offended that a guy you barely dated returns after a layoff, it’s time to let that shit go and get happy.

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No one wants to become a dating expert. No one wants to go on 300 dates. No one wants to renew their Match membership. Yet, in order to find someone special, there is nothing more valuable than the power of perseverence. If you are one of the many people who have been dating online, on and off, for many years, I’m going to make a case for why you should never be off. You may be missing out on your soulmate.

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After 20 years of coaching, 1000 blog posts, 300 podcasts, I was bound to make some mistakes. We’re all human. We all have biases. We all have blind spots. On this episode, I’m going to share a few ways in which I’ve evolved over time and make a case for how it’s important to know the rules before you make exceptions to the rules.

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Dating brings up all your insecurities. Am I attractive enough? Young enough? Smart enough? Am I worthy? When those thoughts are running through your head, it’s hard to be the best version of you. What IS the best version of you? Well, after listening to Selena Gomez on Smartless talk about her mental health issues that stem from being in the public eye, the only word that came to mind was AUTHENTIC. So today, we’re going to talk about why you must stop caring about what men think and start focusing on what YOU think.

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If you’ve ever tried to rekindle a relationship with your ex, you’re aware of how powerful the allure can be. There’s a deep love, a deep understanding, a deep friendship that you don’t want to let go of. It seems much more comforting to go back to someone you love than to try your hand at meeting strangers online. Yet there’s a reason there’s a book called “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.” It’s because you and your ex are incompatible. That’s why you broke up in the first place and why you’re probably going to break up again. In this Love U Podcast, I share the story of a client who can’t seem to kick her habit of returning to her exes. I hope you can learn from her experiences.

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If you were in a relationship without passion, you’ll look for passion your next partner. If you were with a financially unstable man, it makes sense to seek a man who is much wealthier. But sometimes, when you’re trying to correct a problem, you end up OVERCORRECTING. And when you swing too far in the other direction in reaction to your last relationship, you just end up making a different set of mistakes. Listen closely to avoid overcorrecting in the future.

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You may go months or years without a strong connection with a guy. When you find it, you want to preserve it at all costs. But what if you discover, sometime in the first month of dating, that there are major obstacles to a long-term relationship? Do you act on them? Or do you sweep them under the rug because it feels so good to be with him. If you’re like most of my listeners, you sweep them under the rug. If you’re like my clients, you know better and get rid of any man who is incapable of being your future husband. You won’t want to miss this one.

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Dating can throw you off your axis. Whether you’re getting rejected by strangers online or being treated poorly by someone who claims to care about you, it’s easy to become anxious, confused, or angry. What I’m advocating for in today’s Love U Podcast is anchoring yourself in your own core values.

Inspired by the book Master of Change by Brad Stulberg, this episode will remind you of who you are, what’s important, and why you should never veer from it – no matter who you’re dating.

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When you’ve been burned by men, it’s easy to see danger lurking around every corner. He’s friends with his ex? Probably a cheater. He’s unhappy at his job? Clinically depressed. He texts multiple times a day? Either needy or a lovebomber. In this Love U Podcast, we zoom out to ask an important question: is this a real problem or are you just afraid that it WILL be a problem? You may be surprised to learn that you’re worried about things that will never actually happen.

Free Masterclass: The 3 Things You Can Do Now To Attract High Value Men: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/livestream.

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It’s been said that happiness is the gap between our expectations and reality. In reality, no man is going to do exactly what you want, when you want it. This doesn’t mean that no man can ever love you; only that you need to close the gap between who you want him to be and who he is. Once you discard the men who are incapable of making you happy, how can you learn to understand and appreciate the good men who really are doing their best?

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Sex is important in a marriage, especially since you’re only going to be having sex with one person for the rest of your life. What happens when your libidos change over time and you’re not on the same page any longer? How do you handle the gap between your sex drive and his sex drive. My wife and I are lucky to have grown together on this issue but that doesn’t mean we agree each week. On this episode, I’ll share a personal story of how my wife and got through an argument about this common problem – one which is hard to talk about openly.

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You’re not alone if you feel like the world’s on fire. But the type of complaining I’m talking about is the day to day stuff – the normal indignities of 21st century living. If you’re a smart, successful woman, you may have just about everything going for you but still stay in a negative space over half the time. That’s what we’re covering in this week’s Love U Podcast. Because negativity, while often justified, is rarely an effective strategy for solving problems or connecting with people – two very important things if you’re looking for a lasting, romantic relationship.

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I often mention that good relationships should be easy. It’s true. But that doesn’t mean there should never be conflict. Conflict is normal between two free-thinking adults; the key to your relationship is how you resolve that conflict. In this Love U Podcast, I share a small story from my marriage that is indicative of how two people who are deeply in love can still talk past each other, even after 15 years together. I hope you see yourself in the story and can use it to bring healthier conflict resolution to your relationships.

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Ever gone out with a guy who said he was attracted to you, was starting to fall for you, and wanted to get married someday – but later dumped you? Why would a man say such things if he didn’t mean them? The answer is trickier than you might think. See, he DID mean them – he just meant them in the moment. Check out this Love U Podcast to understand why guys say things you would never say.

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Men and women have different advantages in dating. Women have the power to no to male advances. Women are the gatekeepers to sex. Women can usually expect a man to pick up the check and set the next date. So why is it that men are called “privileged” for taking advantage of the fact that we have a different biological clock? Beats the hell out of me. But something I heard on a podcast rubbed me the wrong way, and I had to talk about it.

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You’re willing to make tradeoffs at work. You’re willing to make tradeoffs with your home. You’re willing to make tradeoffs with friends and family. But you do not want to give up anything when it comes to choosing a spouse. And when you do, you usually compromise on the wrong things. So many things can derail a relationship that you need to know what qualities make someone a good partner. This is the $64,000 question for all women who succeed in Love U. I hope it helps you make better choices with men.

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You’re busy. You’ve got work. You’ve got friends. You’ve got family. You’ve got travel and hobbies and anxiety and health issues. So many things are out of our control – and those things can slowly erode a solid relationship. In this Love U Podcast, I share a few stories about couples – including my wife and I – who managed to pull together when life was pulling us in apart. Life isn’t always set up for love. That’s why you have to prioritize it.

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When you’ve been hurt before, the obvious move is to avoid getting hurt again. Guy slept with you and never called? Stop dating. Guy didn’t want to be your boyfriend after two months? Stop dating. Guy didn’t want to marry you after two years? Stop dating. Because intimacy has always led to heartbreak, your choices in men actually become WORSE. Suddenly, you’re in a friends with benefits situation. Suddenly, you’re seeing someone long-distance. Suddenly, you’re exclusive with a man who doesn’t want to get married. Why? Because somehow it feels safer to be in a dead-end situation than to be with someone where things could get real – and you could get hurt. It’s time to break that pattern and start moving towards the men who really want to commit – not away from them.

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It’s unfortunately commonplace for women to fall in love with men, who, due a confluence of events, are not emotionally available for the relationship that she wants. Sometimes, he’s separated. Sometimes, he’s divorce. Sometimes, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for. Sometimes, he slammed with the normal trials of middle-aged men: loss of work, sickness, dying parents, depressed kids. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Might mean he’s a bad guy to date right now. And, if that’s the case, doesn’t it stand to reason that a few good women might also be emotionally unavailable? Why yes. Yes, it does.

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After 15 years with my wife, I realize I’ve lost touch with a common emotion: being in a dissatisfying relationship but not having the courage to leave. The gap between the confidence my clients display at work and the insecurity they display in relationships is astonishing. This all just goes to show that we’re emotional people, often raised with poor role models, who don’t believe we deserve more from love than what we’re getting now. Here’s the good news: at any point in time, you can make a different choice. You can raise your standards. You can say no. You can find someone who loves you unconditionally and wants to take care of you. But it doesn’t start with him changing his behavior because you love him; it starts with you setting a boundary and dumping any man whose behavior makes you feel consistently anxious.

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I know men are supposed to be heartless and soulless. Sex machines who only text. Losers with no moral compass. Opponents on the battlefield of love. Surely, some of them are. But more of them, you may be surprised to remember, are actual human beings. Like you, they’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. Like you, they’ve made questionable choices in the past. Like you, they don’t know what combination of chemistry and compatiblity makes for a great partner. Like you, they’re muddling through, doing their best, and realizing that something isn’t working. As Mansplainer-in-Chief, I’m not justifying any male misbehavior. I am saying that the more you can connect with him emotionally on a date, the more likely you’ll see a better side of him.

💖 Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

😬 8 Mistakes You’re Making With Men Right Now: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/relationships

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We all have a voice in our head. Michael Singer wrote about it in The Untethered Soul. Echkhart Tolle wrote about it in The Power of Now. And recently, I heard Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, talk about it in a podcast. The problem with the voice in your head is that she’s relentlessly negative and critical, and if you allow her to dictate how you live your life, you’ll never be the best version of yourself. Love U is about helping you overcome your limiting beliefs and get the love you deserve. This is where it all starts.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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Love is scary, especially if you’ve been burned by men repeatedly. Women who are repeatedly burned by men often got a broken template in childhood about what healthy masculine love looks and feels like. Abusive, critical, selfish, unavailable fathers set the tone for the kind of men women choose in the future, to the point where every man feels equally unsafe. In Love U, we break down these patterns and rewire women to value men who are consistent and kind. But what happens when a guy is being good to you and you discover you’re pulling away and keeping your distance? That’s the topic of this Love U Podcast. Stick around.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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Nice is one of those words that everyone says they value. But when it comes to attraction, more people – men and women – gravitate towards confident, funny and rich over “nice”. It’s a shame because there aren’t too many traits more important to a relationship than nice. Nice may mean selfless, nice may mean thoughtful, nice may mean “willing to compromise”, nice may mean “resolving conflict easily,” nice may mean being sensitive to your emotional needs, but without it, your relationship is sunk. I’m not the nicest guy in the world, but recently, I got a few lessons in the value of being nice. I hope it inspires you to go the extra mile to be nice to strangers and loved ones alike.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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I’ll admit: I’m a bit of an intellectual snob. Okay, maybe a lot. Listen, I don’t have many hobbies, so I read a lot and nothing turns me on more than great conversation and sparkling wit. I spent a decade trying to find an Ivy League grad who also had a gift for banter – only to discover that few people possess those respective skill sets. The few that did…usually dumped me. It got me to think: maybe my obsession with finding the smartest, most interesting woman in the world was getting in the way of my long-term happiness. The evolution of my thinking on this topic changed my life. Maybe it’ll change yours as well.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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Second wave feminism was great for women in the United States. Today, more women graduate college than ever before and more women are financially independent than ever before. The result of this is that because women don’t “need” men to provide for them, far more women are choosing not to get married and to exit bad marriages. On top of that, the qualities it takes to succeed in the workplace: tenacity, competitiveness, strong opinions, leadership – have been prototypically coded as masculine. It would not be too much of a stretch to say that as women have become more masculine, men have become more feminine – less likely to be ambitious, less likely to call and plan and pay, less likely to drive dating and relationships forward. What does this mean for smart, successful women who are looking to date their equals? Stick around and I’ll do my best to explain.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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The Barbie movie is now a billion dollar phenomenon – with good reason. It’s a movie told from a woman’s point of view that is unabashedly feminist but fairminded in how it treats its other protagonist, Ken. While it’s visually stunning and the soundtrack is fun, there’s a deeper message about gender roles, expectations, society and romantic relationships. This is my hot take – nearly a month after most of the other hot takes came out.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/apply/podcast

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Perhaps the biggest question I get – apart from “where are all the quality guys?” is “how do you know if he’s right for you?” It’s a vital question because nothing is more important than who you choose to marry, and you’ve probably made some questionable decisions with your partners in the past. In this episode, I share three stories of couples of varying compatibility and share the unifying glue that makes long-term relationships work: connection. In addition, you’ll discover that all this stuff about slowing down when you date isn’t just something I say for kicks; it’s backed by social science. Finally, if you’re ready to stop wasting time on the wrong men, go to www.evanmarckatz.com/livestream and if you’re serious about finding the right one, go to www.evanmarckatz.com/bootcamp. I can’t wait to see you there.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/in-relationships-be-deliberate/378713/

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Are you used to dating guys who lie, cheat and gaslight you? Do you have a hard time trusting men because of these experiences? Have you ever wondered how anyone can find a trustworthy man and relax within a relationship? On this Love U Podcast, I share two GREAT stories for you from my own life AND offer the facts about the frequency of infidelity, the effects caused by a lack of trust, and how you can weed out most cheaters before you ever fall for them.

Discover The 3 Things You Can Do NOW to Attract High-Value Men and Get the Relationship You Deserve: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/livestream

Discover The Proven Formula Thousands Of Smart Women Have Used To Attract High-Value Men And Create Lasting Love: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/bootcamp

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/cheating/why-women-cheat-on-their-husbands

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Most people hate online dating. It’s easy to see why. People are flaky. They’re rude. They lie about their photos. They’re inconsistent communicators. They don’t know what they’re looking for. They’re either too passive or too aggressive. And yet… 40% of all couples are meeting online and, for many people, online dating is the only way to create a love life from scratch. So how do you make the most of a medium that is so frustrating. Listen to the whole podcast and I’ll tell you. Oh, and if you’re tired of spinning your wheels and wasting your time on the wrong men, go to www.evanmarckatz.com/livestream to learn how to meet the right guy, and check out my brand new Love U Bootcamp at www.evanmarckatz.com/love-u-bootcamp.

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https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/online-dating-statistics-what-they-mean-for-future/

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It’s really easy to focus on how terrible men are at dating. You’re not wrong! But it’s much more powerful to consider how you show up to men on first dates. In this Love U Podcast, I’m exploring two important concepts: how to break your pattern of going out with your “type” – especially when your type isn’t a good fit for you, and how to be the kind of first date that every man falls for and wants to see again.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to Love U.

Discover The 3 Things You Can Do NOW to Attract High-Value Men and Get the Relationship You Deserve: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/livestream

Discover The Proven Formula Thousands Of Smart Women Have Used To Attract High-Value Men And Create Lasting Love: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/bootcamp

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/what-gives-a-first-online-date-every-chance-of-turning-into-a-second-20161116-gsqg12.html

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Yes, there really is a best type of man to date. It’s not the demanding and selfish narcissists. It’s not the passive, boring, unattractive men either. So who does that leave? Your future husband, that’s who! In today’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to share a story about the perils of alpha males as well as some fascinating social science that tells you what kind of man is attractive AND has the potential to be an amazing partner.

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https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_myth_of_the_alpha_male

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Do you consistently discover that you want different things than your partner? You’re looking for marriage; he just wants a girlfriend. You want to spend quality time; he just wants to see you on weekends? If that’s the case, I’ve got the Love U Podcast for you. We begin with two cautionary tales of Love U clients who ignored red flags and ended up in dead-end relationships. Then we go through 12 not-so-telling questions that long-term couples should answer. Finally, we end on a beautiful Love U love story which reminds you why you keep pursuing love, no matter how challenging it is.

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https://www.theplaceretreats.com/blog/the-marriage-audit-12-questions-every-long-term-couple-should-ask/

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Why are gay couples happier than straight couples? Why do men and women resent roles they’ve chosen in their relationships? Why do Evan and his wife have the same exact issues as everybody else in the world? On this Love U Podcast, we’re going to explore gender roles within committed relationships and learn how to make smart compromises that lead to greater happiness.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/13/opinion/sunday/marriage-housework-gender-happiness.html

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All too often, you find yourself seeing a guy who is amazing on paper, but you’re not happy in the relationship. The longer you stay with him, the worse it gets, the more you want him to change, and the harder it is to break away. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to ask you to consider how many years you ignored your feelings in relationships. And in the second half of the episode, we’re going to explore what it feels like to be with a man where you feel like part of a team, instead of two individuals who happen to be married.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/09/opinion/relationship-identity-mindset-marriage.html

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What is toxic? Is it lovebombing? Ghosting? Gaslighting? Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Or is it a guy who can’t resolve conflict? Who can’t hold down a job? Who won’t remain faithful? Who is highly negative and critical? It may be all of these, but one thing’s for sure: we’re gonna dive deep in this Love U Podcast. Soon, you’ll discover that it doesn’t matter what the label, all that matters is how you FEEL in the relationship.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/11/style/therapy-speak-dating.html

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Independence is a good thing. You need to be independent from your parents to become a high-functioning adult. You need to have an education and career that supports you on your own. You should have friends and interests of your own choosing. But what happens when all that independence leaves you alone? No one taking care of you. No one sharing the burdens of life. No one to build a future. No day-to-day loving connection from a partner devoted to your happiness. That’s the topic of today’s Love U Podcast.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/09/opinion/art-of-dependence.html

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Are men really more sexually aggressive than women? Why do women want to be desired? How do we square women’s need to be wanted in a post #MeToo world? All of this juicy stuff comes from a thought-provoking article by Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men. Also, tips to avoid getting stuck in a dead-end situationship.

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https://ofboysandmen.substack.com/p/men-wanting-women

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In a brand new Love U Podcast format – which allows for longer stories and more vivid gesticulation – I cover two super important concepts: 1. The value of screening men on dating apps and exactly how to do it. 2. The problem with assortative mating – dating people who are just like you. And since I went on 300 online dates before getting married to a partner who is not like me, I think you ought to listen closely.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/13/opinion/marriage-assortative-mating.html

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An anxious attachment style is marked by behavior that is perceived as needy, clingy, nervous and sometimes, histrionic. The more afraid you are that your partner will leave you, the more you act out to ensure it doesn’t happen. Many of my Love U clients are anxious. But what happens when the man you’re dating is the anxious one? Will you soothe his insecurities or abandon him like everyone else? Stick around to learn what to do when he’s afraid.

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SO MANY things can go wrong in the early stage of dating. That’s why – in Love U – I have an entire month of content based on the time between when you meet a guy until the time he becomes your boyfriend. This is where most people screw up. This is where most people need help. This is why I have a job. Behold, 7 tips, directly from Love U, on how to navigate that precious time before he’s your boyfriend.

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Trigger warning. No, I don’t do trigger warnings. But today, I’m going to be talking about something controversial – something that’s been tearing up the United States slowly for 30 years. Political tribalism. It’s been a huge negative force in America. Politics has essentially turned into a religion, where otherwise normal people turn into the Hatfields and McCoys. So when is political tribalism a dealbreaker and when it can be dealt with? Let’s just say I have thoughts.

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This is the first guy you’ve liked in a long time. It’s exciting to have a crush, but you realize that you’re probably a little too obsessed with someone you barely know. While you’re still going to stalk him on social media and check your phone incessantly to see when he texts you again, you also need to do something healthy so this obsession doesn’t take over your life. In this short podcast, I’m going to give you a framework to relax, keep your perspective and stop obsessing about the new guy.

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You discovered your boyfriend still talks to his ex. Maybe it was a social media post, maybe it was a text, or maybe he’s meeting her for dinner. The question is whether this is a big deal – and if it is – what should you do about it? My answer will surprise you – and likely piss you off. Enjoy the Love U Podcast.

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You’ve fallen in love with seemingly great guys who did all the right things, let you fall in love with them, and then, for some reason, wouldn’t step up to the plate to commit. Are these men all players, toxic narcissists, and monsters? Of course not. There are good reasons that guys don’t commit. Well, maybe not good reasons, but they’re real and I’d rather tell you the truth about them than to leave you in the dark.

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He’s hot. He’s into you. He sleeps with you. He ghosts. It’s an age-old tale – we know how it ends – and yet, this scenario plays out, over and over, every day, across the world. And it made me think: what if there were an easy way to explain to women in a few minutes why this happens and how to avoid it? Well, now there is. This is the Love U Podcast. Stick around.

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I know. It’s rough out there. You go online, and it’s a horror show. The older you get, the less attractive the men are. The older you get, the more damaged the men are. The older you get, the fewer ugly, damaged men even bother to show interest in you. Because of this, you may be tempted to give up – to conclude that dating is hopeless after a certain age. In this Love U podcast, I want to restore your sense of hope and show you why there are plenty of quality guys in the marketplace, no matter what your age.

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Fact: I’m a happily married dating coach. Fact: My wife accepts me as I am and loves me unconditionally. Fact: I have a ton of personality flaws that drive her out of her mind. Today I’m going to discuss those flaws and maybe shed light on how two reasonable people can work around irreconcilable differences.

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There’s this cute guy you met online. You’ve been texting for a week now. And you’re about ready to cut him off entirely. It’s like this guy has no life outside of texting you. 50 times a day, your phone pings. Good morning. Good night. Random photos. Sincere compliments about how much he likes you and how he can’t stop thinking about you. Yes, he’s a supertexter. So why does he do this and what do you do with him? I’ll explain it all in this Love U Podcast.

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Dating apps can be confounding. He matches with you but doesn’t email you. He texts you but doesn’t ask you out. He makes a date but doesn’t confirm. He takes you out but doesn’t follow up. In this episode, I’m going to explain exactly why this takes place and what you should do about it. Stick around.

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It happens more than you’d like to admit. The chemistry is there. You have a powerful connection. You have a couple extra drinks. You go back to his place to make out and the next thing you know, you’ve had sex. Which may have been a great experience but where does that leave you now? Is he going to text tomorrow? Does he want to see you again? Is he looking for anything serious? Those are important questions, and on this Love U Podcast, I’ve got your answers.

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He’s a good guy. He treats you well. But a few months into it, you’re having misgivings. Shouldn’t there be more passion? Shouldn’t you “just know”? It’s pretty anxiety producing to be in a solid relationship and focus only on what he’s lacking. In this Love U Podcast, I’ll explain what you should feel at different stages of the relationship, and how you can tell if he’s the one.

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Are you happy being single? Good. As a dating and relationship coach, it is much easier to help a woman who is happy than to help a woman who is unhappy. At the same time, if you’re so happy being single, it’s entirely possible you’ll never have an incredible relationship. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to show you how being happily single can be its own trap – and how you can get out of that trap just by sticking around until the end of this episode.

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You know when you match on a dating app and you’re waiting for him to text…and he doesn’t? You wonder what he’s thinking. You take it personally. You tell yourself that if he REALLY liked you, he’d have made the first move. Not true! In this Love U Podcast, I explain why a guy might be attracted to you and still not initiate contact – and why that’s not such a bad thing.

Watch it on YouTube.

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You’re dating a guy. You’re falling in love. But you don’t trust your judgment because every other time you’ve been in love, you ignored some serious red flags. How can you make sure that this time turns out different? Well, instead of focusing on what’s wrong with men, as we so often do, today’s Love U Podcast is going to focus on what’s right about them. Without further ado, here are six ways you can tell that your man is a keeper.

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If you’re a smart, strong, successful woman who has everything but a man, you may not identify as a fearful person. But as a dating coach who has been helping women like you for 17 years, I can tell you definitively that fear plays a major factor in how you approach dating. Fear of being alone for the rest of your life. Fear of dating and rejection. Fear of getting stuck in a bad relationship. Whether you’re afraid of one of those things or all of those things, its going to have a serious impact on your love life. In this Love U Podcast, we’re going to explore those fears and show you how to conquer them.

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I want YOU to be my next Love U Masters...

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"You’ve dated enough selfish toxic guys to appreciate when you’ve found a good one. He’s cute. He’s sweet. He’s sensitive. He’s honest. He’ll do anything for you. But, no matter what he does, you’re just not feeling it. And it kills you. You know you deserve a nice guy but you also know this isn’t the one. What do you do? How long do you give it? What do you say? On this Love U Podcast, you’re going to learn the art of breaking up. "

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You consider yourself smart. Friendly. A good conversationalist. Interested in many subjects. So why would any guy not want to take you on another date? Well, because you dates don’t always feel like dates. Sometimes, you’re his therapist. Sometimes, you talk about business. Sometimes, you barely talk at all. If you find you have trouble connecting with him on a sexual level, these flirty questions should get things going.

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If you’re single and looking for love, you’re probably stuck in a pattern. Maybe it’s conscious. Maybe it’s not. But if your goal is to have a fun, passionate, safe, unconditionally loving relationship and you do not have one while you’re watching this, there’s something you can do different to get a different result. In today’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to reveal the most common patterns that prevent amazing women like you from getting the love you deserve. Good news: whichever one you fall into, I can help you get out of it.

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Breaking up is always difficult. Whether it was an intense one-month fling where you fell deeply in love only to get ghosted or the demise of a marriage where you slowly grew apart, there’s nothing easy about moving on. That’s why there are dating coaches - to help you make sense of what happened to your relationship, what you’re feeling now, and what you need to do next. In today’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to give you 5 pearls of wisdom from the first month Love U, which helps you get over the last guy, restore your confidence, and move forward.

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So you’re using a dating app. Tinder. Bumble. Hinge. CoffeeMeetsBagel. You have hundreds of men at your fingertips and you’re getting lots of matches. The problem is that it’s overwhelming. Guys will match and not take action. Guys will text you through the app and not take action. Guys will ask for your phone number and not take action. Guys will start texting you and not take action. Guys will ask you out and then not take action. Everyone just seems so busy, so flaky, so insincere that it feels like too much work - only to meet some lame guys. What’s a girl to do?

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Long distance relationships are challenging for two primary reasons: Your relationship isn’t “real” until you’re in the same city full-time. You’re not in the same city until someone is willing to move. This is why I don’t recommend them to my Love U clients. But if you’re gonna do an LDR - like so many women do - here’s the best way to ensure you’re making all the right decisions.

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Have you ever noticed how terrible guys are at texting? I have. It’s like they can only be bothered to write the shortest, lamest thing because anything else would be too taxing for their little brains. You’re trying to get to know a guy and all he can do is send you emojis and pictures of his lunch. It’s maddening, I think we can agree. Then why do you write texts that sound JUST LIKE the guys who drive you nuts? In this Love U Podcast, we’re going to explore the art of texting and explain how you can do better than the very men you complain about.

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Bad news: you may have heard that there’s a pandemic that passes along a coronavirus even if you don’t have symptoms. Good news: because of the circumstances, people have had to get really creative with how they date. As a result, there are more FaceTime, GoogleMeet and Zoom dates than ever before. Sorry, Starbucks. The coffee date should be history. Today’s Love U Podcast outlines 6 virtual date ideas that both of you will love.

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If you’ve ever gone out with a guy where you thought you had a great time but you didn’t hear from him again, listen up. Dating is a skill. The way to master the skill is to practice. The way to practice is to understand who you’re practicing on. And, as your dating coach and translator for all things male, I want to explain today the three ways men connect on first dates. If the guys you like most aren’t calling you back, this one’s for you.

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There are a million places to get sex advice. YouTubers will give you tips on oral. Cosmo will teach you some crazy move that requires props. Your friends may share their own secrets. But what’s something you never hear that will pay off even more? How real men like to be touched when you’re not in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re a master with his clothes off, it’s a tremendous asset. But what I’m about to share with you is what takes you from booty call to blushing bride.

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You’re a quality woman with high standards. You swipe right on only 5% of men. You have hundreds more swipe on you. Now you’re texting a bunch of guys and you’re perpetually shocked at how low-quality these conversations are, and how few of them lead to actual dates. Why does this happen? What can you do about it? What are you missing here? In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to answer those questions and more.

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Anxiety is human. Anxiety takes place when you’re doing something new, when you’re doing something you feel is risky, when the results are uncertain, and where there’s a chance you may get hurt. For many people, that describes dating, but it doesn’t have to. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to outline how you can get past your anxiety about dating and not only manage to enjoy the process, but to master it.

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So much dating advice is about strategy. If he texts me, how long should I wait to text him back? Should I say “I love you” first? Can I ask him if he’s looking for a commitment? As a dating coach for women, I’ll be the first to admit, dating is a skill and there are some ways of conducting yourself that are more effective than others. At the same time, it’s important to know that dating’s not a chess match, most men aren’t playing games, and that when you’re with the right guy, you literally can’t make a mistake.

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One of my most popular videos starts with this counterintuitive premise: Men are about feelings, not about looks. What that means is that men may be drawn in by how you look, but what keeps a man in your life is how he feels when he’s around you. In today’s podcast, we’re going to quickly explore 5 ways you can make a guy feel great, so when you finally meet a good one, he’ll want to devote his entire life to making you happy.

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You were in a relationship with a man who had no money. You break up. What do you look for? Money. You were in a relationship that had no passion. You break up. What do you look for? Passion. I call this the Overcorrection. When you’ve been deprived of something for too long, it’s normal to crave it. The problem is when we go too far in the other direction. Today, I’m going to explain more about overcorrecting and how to calibrate your next dating choice so you can get it just right.

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You’ve been crushing on this guy for a long time. It feels great - to see him, to talk to him, to think about what it would like to be with him. That feeling is electric and it’s carried you...all the way to this podcast. Because despite all the time, energy, and daydreaming you’ve invested in this man, he is not interested in you. Maybe he doesn’t know you exist. Maybe he sees you as just a friend. Maybe he’s got a serious girlfriend. Whatever the situation, you have to get past this guy, right now, so you can move on with your life.

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If you’re like most women I coach, you like masculine men. I do, too. They’re smart. Confident. Bold. Decisive. Big personalities. The willingness to take a stand and lead. But what’s the downside of choosing such men? They’re often narcissists. Tactless. Players. Too busy. Commitmentphobes. Liars. Controlling. Verbally abusive. Alpha men see themselves as the sun and you are a mere planet revolving around him.Yet, compared to boring nice guys, you still prefer masculine men. So, like we do on all our Love U Podcasts, let’s look at masculinity in a precise and nuanced way so you can better understand what kind of man will be a good long-term fit for you.

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You know the feeling. It’s magical. It happens only a few times in your entire life. That moment when you’re dating someone and you know, deep in your heart, that he’s your soulmate and that you two are going to be together forever.Think about every time you’ve felt that feeling of meeting “the one.” Can you picture the man? Can you conjure that feeling? Now, ask yourself: what happened to these relationships? Did ANY of the men who you thought were the one love you unconditionally, take care of you emotionally, and prove to be compatible partners? No.They did not. In this Love U Podcast, we’re going to talk about the concept of finding the one and how you can make better choices the next time you meet an amazing man.

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You’re a beautiful woman and you’ve achieved a lot professionally. You have an education. You have a nice home. You have sophisticated tastes. You know what you’re worth and you’re not going to settle. As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful woman, this is something we can completely agree upon. But there are two problems being in the 95th percentile of all women. You believe you have to date men who are also in the 95th percentile. You believe that everyone who is less successful than you is intimidated by you. As a result, it seems like there are no men out there for you. In today’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to challenge both of those beliefs and show you how you are actively getting in your own way in your search for lasting love.

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You’ve had relationships where you couldn’t trust the guy. Maybe you caught him in a series of lies. Maybe he had a history as a player. Maybe you have a history of being cheated on. Whatever it is, trust issues can completely sink your relationship. After listening to this Love U Podcast, you will never again stay with a man you can’t trust.

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You ever date a guy who was just set in his ways? You ever wish you could change a man and help him do the work to reach his potential? Go to therapy. Take a self-help class. Write in a journal. Meditate. Join you on your spiritual journey so you can do it together. But if you’re still single, I would like to gently point out that perhaps finding another growth-oriented man isn’t as important as you think it is. In fact, your adherence to dating a man who lives life much like you may be the biggest obstacle you have to finding lasting love.

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There are few worse feelings than getting dumped. You trusted. You made yourself vulnerable. You gave your time, your energy, your body, your soul to this man. You bent over backwards to compromise, to listen, to communicate, to continue work on your relationship and still, he saw fit to end it. All people are different and all relationships have their unique downfalls but in this Love U Podcast, I want to explain to you, in general, what men are thinking before they break up with you. A not-so-surprising note to regular listeners: it’s not that different than what you think before you break up with him.

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You’ve been in a relationship before with a man you genuinely loved. He said you were the one. He said he couldn’t live without you. He said he’d do whatever it took to make you happy. Except you’re not happy. Not even close. You’re exhausted. You’re sick of feeling misunderstood. You don’t want to have the same conversations over and over again, only to end up in the same place - ostensibly you’re in love, but in reality, your partner is draining you more than he’s filling you up. You may think that this is just how relationships go. It’s not. This how YOUR relationships have gone because of the men you’ve chosen and the behavior you’ve chosen to accept. In today’s Love U podcast, I’m going to tell you what to do so you’ll never have to feel this way again.

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You’ve seen other dating coaches' videos. Here are the FIVE SEXY TEXT MESSAGES THAT WILL MAKE HIM CRAVE YOU. Here are the SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW THAT WILL BREAK DOWN HIS WILL AND MAKE HIM PROPOSE TO YOU WITHIN MINUTES. It’s clickbait and you click it and that’s why there are lesser dating coaches with bigger followings and that’s another story for another day. The fact is, there is one simple thing you can do right now that men love.

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You’re dating a guy and things are going great. He’s bright, confident, comfortable in his own skin, and overall, he’s pretty good company. Then, why do you feel so drained at the end of every date? Maybe it’s because he hasn’t expressed one bit of curiosity about your life. So, while you’re getting to know him, he’s not getting to know you. What’s that about?

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Everybody’s got baggage. You’ve been divorced twice.You have herpes. You’re a former alcoholic. You take anti-depressants. You can’t have biological children. Whatever it is, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t make it any easier in a world where first impressions are everything and men are impossibly picky. So, how can you reveal your deepest, darkest secrets to the guy you’re dating without scaring him away?

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The check comes. It sits on the table. You wait for him to reach for it. You think he’s waiting for you to reach for it. You continue your strained end of meal conversation, wondering who is going to reach for it first. Who picks up the check is an emotionally fraught first date ritual that leaves a lot of people highly disappointed.

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It feels the worst when it starts out strong. That first month, he was so into you. Texting dozens of times a day. Planning the next date while you’re still on a date. Telling you effusively how beautiful you are, how much he likes you and how excited he is. Talking about a future. And then something happens. You don’t know what it is but everything feels different. Suddenly, his constant efforts start to wane and you’re left feeling off-balance.

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There are many ways it’s more challenging to be a woman in today’s world. There is latent misogyny. There are double standards for strong women as compared to strong men. And it’s an understatement to say that most men haven’t had to grapple with what it’s like to be objectified and feel threatened by members of the opposite sex. There are a couple of ways, however, that it’s super tricky to be a man. One of them is the fact that men are expected to make the first move. I’m not saying it’s good or bad or that it should be any different. But as long as that’s the dynamic, it’s important for you, as a woman, to understand why it’s almost impossible for a guy to act in the exact way sexually that you want him to.

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I know something you absolutely hate. You’ve got a cute guy you’re texting. You’re kind of excited about him and hoping to make a connection. Yet it’s almost impossible to get anything out of him. You ask him a question and he answers but doesn’t give anything back in return. One-word or one-sentence replies only. What do you do with these guys? When should you cut them loose? Is there anything in your control to elevate the conversation into something more fun? I’ve got all your answers.

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"You’re single and fabulous. You’ve got a career you enjoy, friends you love, and passions you pursue. You’re extremely busy doing things that bring you pleasure: travel, yoga, reading, personal development. You don’t need a man. You want a man. The question is whether this man wants to fit into your life exactly as it is right now or whether you need to make accommodations for another person.

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Dating apps are everywhere. Texting is ubiquitous. Hookup culture is rampant. If courtship isn’t dead, it’s surely on a respirator. And while I did a Love U Podcast episode called Why Men Should Court Women (which women loved), there is a dark truth about men don't court women anymore that most guys won’t tell you.

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You know the power of belief. Maybe you believe in God. Maybe you believe in your own inherent goodness. Maybe you believe that each day is a gift that should be lived to the fullest. To some degree, we ARE our beliefs. Unfortunately, that includes the negative beliefs you have around love.These are called limiting beliefs. We all have them and they are often the primary reason you struggle to find a compatible partner. In this Love U Podcast, we’re going to tackle a few common limiting beliefs and help you find the right man.

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You had a good date. You’re open to seeing him again. He said at the end of the date he’d talk to you soon. And now you don’t know what to do.

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Imagine going out with a man for three months. He texts you nearly every day. He sees you nearly every weekend. He’s really sweet. He compliments you often. The sex is great. There’s only one problem: you have no idea if you’re a couple. And while you want to say something, you’re afraid that saying something might mean the end of your relationship. So you say nothing and keep sleeping with a man who acts kind of like a boyfriend but is most certainly not your boyfriend. This isn’t the relationship you imagined.

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You ever start dating a guy who was just a little...passive? He texts you but he doesn’t say that much. He stays in touch but he doesn’t ask you out. He takes you out on a nice date but he doesn’t make a first move. Is he just not that into you? Is he a beta male? Is he gay?

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You’re struggling with your love life. You can find a guy who’s attractive. You can find a guy who treats you well. You can find a guy who wants to commit to you. You just can’t find them all in one package. But have you ever considered why?

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As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I...

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Have you ever put your heart and soul into something? Have you ever had big dreams about what your life could look like? Have you ever placed your trust in others with no guarantee that things would work out? Chances are, the answer is yes.

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You’ve been seeing a guy for three months. You like him a lot. He seems to like you just as much. The chemistry is great. The sex is stupendous. When he takes you out on dates, you have an amazing time - easy conversation, lots of laughter. Yet, despite all this, he’s not your boyfriend.

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Rejection triggers feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem, deep questioning. It’s normal to have these thoughts after things don’t go right. The problem is when you start to internalize these thoughts. It’s not just a bad day or a bad break, it’s an existential crisis that causes you to believe that love is impossible. It’s not. You just have to get better with rejection.

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Admit it: You’ve spent years suffering through relationships with the wrong men. Your fears are real and valid and I’m not going to deny you those feelings. What I will point out on today’s Love U Podcast is that there’s a big difference between wasting time and investing time in a man. Once costs you years of your life. The other gets you married. I’ll explain.

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For you, marriage means pain, angst, misunderstandings, silent treatments, and the endless drudgery of compromise and housework. I hear you. But if that’s all that marriage was, there wouldn’t be 100 million married people in America. On this Love U Podcast, I'm going to explain why marriage - a good marriage - is worth it.

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As a dating and relationship coach since 2003, I’ve fielded thousands of questions. And, not surprisingly, many of those questions are the same question asked differently. This leads me to the #1 question all my clients ask. WHERE CAN I FIND A CUTE, SMART, SUCCESSFUL, COMMITMENT-ORIENTED MAN? On this Love U Podcast, I’m going to answer that question, once and for all.

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You ever start dating a guy and things are going great and at some point, you ask him… Um, what are we? And he says: Well, I’m not sleeping with anybody else. So I guess you can say we’re exclusive. One night, you look at your phone to see if he’s still active online. Sure enough he is. On this Love U Podcast, I’m going to tell you how to make sure this NEVER happens again

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A pandemic is not an ideal time for dating, I think we can all agree. But as we approach the one year mark of our national semi lockdown, how do you date a guy during social distancing? How can you build trust? How can you stay safe? How can you hook up? How can you see more than one person at the same time? I'll explain on this Love U Podcast.

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There’s no limit as to how far you’ll go for love. You are now searching the globe for your soulmate. That may feel good right now but be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Stick around and I’ll explain why a long-distance relationship is the LAST thing you want to do.

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It’s a reasonable question. Why get married when most marriages end in divorce? And if you came to this video believing that this was true, you’re in the right place.

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Most women I work with do NOT like older men....

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In your experience, dating in your 40’s is trickier than dating in your 20’s or 30’s. But does it have to be? What’s so different about dating after you turn the big 4-0? In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to share with you why it is, indeed, harder to find a good middle-aged man, and what you should consider if you’re facing your biological clock.

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So, you’re thinking of dating a single Dad. Maybe you’re...

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You’ve opened your heart and had it broken. You’ve poured...

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The most popular question I get is “what’s the best dating site or app?” Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid. Where should I go to find quality men? I’m going to answer that in a moment, but first I’m going to explain that which site you’re on doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you do when you get there.

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Have you ever slept with a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend? Have you ever noticed that most of the guys you were exclusive with never became boyfriends? You’ve been falling into the same trap, over and over, and had no idea how it kept happening to you. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to help you stop falling for men who are not worthy of being your boyfriend.

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You turn to me to know the secrets of the male mind. You listen for aha moments about how men think. You watch to understand what makes commitment-minded guys choose to commit to some women and not others. Stick around to hear the single most important piece of advice one Love U grad got from her coaching experience and how EASY it is to make a guy want to stay.

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You’ve been with men who are liars. You’ve been with men who are cheaters. You’ve been with men who had eyes for other women. You’ve been with men who are close with their exes. And it. Drives. You. Crazy! The question is whether your jealousy stems from a real threat or whether your jealousy is merely a fear of repeating old mistakes.

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You can’t help who you fall in love with. This is true - but that doesn’t mean it’s the full story. When you fall in love with a man going through a divorce, you’re taking a huge risk, no matter how cute, kind and emotionally available he seems to be. Stick around to learn how attraction may not be a choice, but deciding which men you invest your time in is.

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You’ve had moments where you wanted to give up on love. We all have. You sink your time, energy, and emotion into a guy, only to determine, after a long, tortuous process, that he is not the man you hoped he’d be and not the man you need him to be. You look inside at what you did wrong and come to the conclusion that there’s something wrong with men, something wrong with y

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Cliches are cliches for a reason. Often, they have a solid basis in truth. But what happens when you believe in a cliche so deeply that it actually sabotages your desire to have a successful long-term relationship? Do you even know some of the deep-seated beliefs you hold that are preventing you from achieving your wildest dreams?

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Your job is demanding. You are a single mom with lots of responsibilities. You feel like dating is one huge time suck. As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women who have everything but the guy, I am quite familiar with women who are too busy to date.

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You go online and browse through men. You know what you’re attracted to. You set your search criteria to get all these traits and come to the conclusion that dating sites suck and there no men on conventional dating sites. You conclude that the better path is to go on Tinder or Hinge because at least there are cute guys. The experience invariably sucks. What’s a girl to do

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It’s lonely out there. And if you’ve been alone for a while and you have a vision of what you want your life to look like, I can appreciate if finding love is your top priority. It’s mine, too and I only work with women who are deadly serious about it. But if you’re so serious about meeting Mr. Right that you’re unintentionally sabotaging your efforts, then you should prob

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Age is just a number. If you’re 60, I assume you feel 50. If you’re 50, I assume you feel 40, and so on. But when it comes to dating - specifically online dating - age isn’t just a number. It’s a real thing that you have to contend with, an obstacle that needs to be overcome. So what do you do when the dating pool gets smaller and, arguably, worse on the far side of 50?

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You haven’t been happy for a while but you didn’t do anything about it. How did you get here? And what can you do in the future to ensure this never happens again? In this short Love U Podcast, I’m going to tell you the #1 Mistake You’re Making With Men so you can stop making it and finally start getting happy.

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You go online and you swipe through thousands of guys. The guys you’re not attracted to pursue you hard. The guys you like the most are wildly inconsistent and don’t follow through. You have moments of despair, wondering what’s wrong with you, why is this so difficult, and whether you’re ever going to meet a guy to get you off this dating treadmill.

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Hearing the words “I love you” from a boyfriend feels like the most important thing in the world and we imbue it with great meaning. It means he’s invested in you. It means he’s thinking of a future. It means he wants to be with you forever. At least that’s what you think at the time.

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It’s a jungle out there. There are guys who love bomb you, then pull away. There are guys who are needy, clingy, and controlling. There are guys who say they want to find love and once they get it, do everything they can to sabotage things. And the problem is that these guys don’t come with warning labels. You have to figure it out yourself.

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Congratulations! You’re in a small percentage of women who have taken the time to wonder how you could do things better. Virtually no men have asked this question which is why I’m answering it for you today. Stick around to learn the most powerful thing you can do to make him want to commit forever.

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Every relationship you’ve ever had ultimately disappeared or disappointed. But what if I told you that you’ve been preparing your whole life for this moment?

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He seems interested but you know that guys often show interest at the beginning and then do the slow fade,

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Nobody likes the word picky. Picky suggests that there’s something wrong with you, that if you didn’t have such high standards, you’d already be married by now. Picky sounds like your fault. So let’s get away from the word picky.

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If you’ve never had a lasting relationship with a man where you could relax, let down your guard and know he would accept you, in full, for the rest of your life, why would you think that it would happen the next time, or the time after that? This fear is paralyzing and keeps women like you from dating and from dating with joy and confidence.

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You wonder why the younger men don’t seem to respond as much. You wonder why men who are FAR older than you keep responding. It’s all very frustrating and sometimes emotional. What you didn’t know was that I, Evan Marc Katz, am an omniscient, omnipotent being and will send you your husband via Federal Express in the next six months- but only if you do this one thing I ask

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Relationships take work. You heard this from your parents, your friends, couples counselors, and dating gurus. You believed that it was true because, for you, indeed relationships have taken a lot of work. But what if this isn’t true? What if "relationships take work" is the biggest lie you’ve ever been told?

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70% of arguments with your partner are the same argument. If that’s the case, you need a different way of approaching things to get a different result. Your relationship doesn’t need to be a constant source of tension but it will be unless you learn a new way of approaching relationship discord.

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He’s seeing you regularly. You’re sleeping with him. He’s acting almost like a boyfriend but he’s not your boyfriend. Welcome to one of the world’s most common dating dilemmas. Join me on this Love U Podcast to discover how to avoid this trap in the future and ensure that any man you’re sleeping with is your boyfriend FIRST.

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So, back in the day, they used to make romantic comedies. They made us laugh, they made us cry, they made us watch them again and again. But occasionally, one of these movies had a valuable lesson to teach. In today's Love U Podcast, I’m going to talk about two romcoms and how a few scenes from them can help you find your husband. Literally.

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If you're single, all of your romantic relationships ended. That devastating truth may cause you to mistrust your own judgment and assume all your future relationships are doomed to fail as well. But are they? In this Love U Podcast, I share the story of a Love U graduate who realized she was NOT doomed to repeat her tortured history and broke free of her past.

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You ever have a really strong connection with a guy? The attraction is incredible. He’s really into you. You can’t stop thinking about him. He quickly becomes your boyfriend. You haven’t been this excited in a long time. You start to think about a future. Next thing you know, he suddenly stops contacting you. You’ve been ghosted.

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Do you spend more time working than anything? Do you have close friendships but no successful romantic relationship? Do you take long breaks from dating and tell the world you’d rather be alone? At the end of this Love U Podcast, I'm going to ask an important question to help you get the romantic future you deeply desire.

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You ever feel that you, as a woman, are the gatekeeper to sex? And that, after you have sex, men become the gatekeepers to long-term commitment? If so, you’re not alone. But today I’m going to share with you a powerful paradigm shift that will remind you that you ACTUALLY have tons of power when it comes to both sex AND commitment.

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Butterflies. Excitement. Chemistry. Obsession. These are the words we associate with being in love. But if you ask anyone in a happy long-term relationship, that's not what it actually feels like. In this quick Love U Podcast, I'm going to share what it ACTUALLY feels like to have a healthy marriage. The answer may surprise you.

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You feel like a failure when it comes to dating. Years spent on the wrong men. Years avoiding intimate relationships. Dread when it comes to meeting new guys and potentially getting hurt once again. You're not alone. Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn how you can learn from your past and become a success in love.

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You’ve been in a relationship where you felt off-balance before. Your feelings for him were strong but the longer your relationship went, the more anxious you felt. Chances are, you fell into one of these 4 traps.

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If you've ever been in love with a liar, been cheated on by a boyfriend, or don't feel you can trust any man until he earns it, you have a lot of hard-won scars. The problem is that honest men need to be trusted.

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A limiting belief is one that is partially true but not totally true. When you've struggled with dating for years, it's easy to lapse into such false beliefs that hold you back from finding love.

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There’s a part of you deep inside that you try not to look at. It’s the part of you that longs to be in a relationship. It’s the part of you that knows life is better when it’s shared. It’s the part of you that wants someone to love her unconditionally.

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Does it seem like there are no good men out there? Does it feel impossible to find a guy you're attracted to online? Have no fear. Follow the rule of 10% and you can keep your high standards on your way to love.

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Sick of swiping right and texting? Want to meet quality men who are invested in you instead of putting up with flakes? Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn what you can do to ensure that the relationship-oriented guys take you on proper dates, just the way you like it.

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Have you ever dated a guy who would be great - if he changed just a few things about himself? Listen to this Love U Podcast to discover how to determine whether you should stay or go from a relationship.

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As a smart, strong, successful woman, you have a full single life, filled with work, friends, family, and hobbies. Yet this isn't your primary strength when it comes to dating. If you don't let men it's hard for them to make an emotional connection.

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Were you ever in a draining relationship in which you felt that you gave too much? Have you considered that you should probably give less to your partner in the future? It's a painful problem, but giving less isn't the solution. Choosing a better partner is.

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If you've ever vacillated between being "too picky" and spending time with men you don't like, check out this Love U Podcast. In it, I tell the story of two clients who are learning to trust their judgment and cut off men quickly, and finish by telling you how I decided my wife was "the one." You don't want to miss this.

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Love U is a six-month curriculum that teaches you how to understand men and find love. In today's Love U Podcast, I'm going to teach you one simple idea about 3 ways your relationship can go.

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When I interview women like you who apply to Love U, I invite you to consider what your life will look like when you found the relationship you've always dreamed about. Sure enough, some women struggle with this exercise because they can't even imagine what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. If that's you, tune in to this special Love U Podcast.

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Have you ever been afraid that the next guy is going to turn out just like the last guy? If so, I'm going to give you a five-step process to evaluate if he's worth your time BEFORE you get in too deep. You're gonna want a pen for this one.

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When you meet a guy you're intensely attracted to, your common sense and boundaries go out the window. You're not alone. Listen to this Love U Podcast to hear my own tale of verbal abuse and learn one simple trick to breaking the spell of the hot guy.

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Are you an independent woman with a rich, full single life? Are you generally busy with your work, family, friends, hobbies, and travel? Does your vision of couple-hood look a lot like your life now - just with a man dropped in it? If that’s the case, we’ve gotta talk. If you're going to partner with a man who is your equal, you've gotta make space for him.

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Are you tired of wasting your time on the wrong men? Listen to the story of two of my Love U clients - one too passive, one too picky - to discover the 8 things men say that should be instant dealbreakers. Want to save YEARS of your life? Listen to this Love U Podcast.

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Ever start off hot and heavy with a guy who suddenly pulled back or ghosted? Of course you have. Every start off hot and heavy with a guy and realize he's not the man for you? Of course you have. Check out this Love U Podcast to understand why this is the very nature of dating - and how not to take it personally.

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All relationships have conflict. The difference between a great relationship and a horrible one is how you manage that conflict. Listen to this very personal Love U Podcast where I share the one thing my wife and I always fight about - and how we're using this as an opportunity to get even stronger.

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After a breakup, it's normal to ruminate on what went wrong. But from what I see from my Love U clients, you're probably focused on what YOU did rather than what HE did. In this Love U Podcast, let's reframe your breakup and get really clear on why your relationship ended - he wasn't a very good boyfriend at all.

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Are you sick of going on dating apps, swiping right, texting a million guys, and having horrible coffee dates? If so, you have the power to have a completely different dating experience and go on great first dates. In this Love U Podcast, you will learn to do the opposite of whatever you're doing now and ensure that your first dates involve dinner, drinks and romance.

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Have you been cheated on? Have you had men leave you for other women? Have you experienced a lack of trust? It's not easy to come back from that, but it's imperative for the health of your future relationship to choose a trustworthy man and kick jealousy to the curb. Check out this Love U Podcast which begins with a dream that my wife had about my best friend.

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Welcome to the 100th episode, in which I barely celebrate a milestone achievement, reintroduce myself and the Love U Podcast, and let you know the secret behind all successful marriages - the 5 qualities a man must have to be a great partner.

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Have you ever felt that dating is a big, ol' waste of time? After years on and off dating sites, swiping through thousands of men, and the endless revolving door of losers, players, and flakes, you conclude that being single is much easier. So you remain single. Indefinitely. Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn how to take control of your love life instead of doing the

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It's a pretty weird time to be dating. Even so, Love U members are meeting wonderful, highly motivated men, even during this pandemic. So how can you tell if a guy is keeping busy or stringing you along until he finds someone he likes better? Check out this Love U Podcast to get clear on whether your quarantine crush has long-term potential.

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You ever go out on an incredible date? The connection was real, the chemistry is intense, and you feel like you just met someone with real long-term potential? Of course, you have. But what usually happens afterward? Look at your history and you'll see: there's virtually no correlation between an amazing first date and a successful long-term-relationship.

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Longtime readers know about my friendship with Lori Gottlieb. Lori...

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

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Longtime readers know about my friendship with Lori Gottlieb. Lori dated my roommate, got me my book agent, and we even wrote a sitcom script together before I coached her through writing “Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” back in 2010. Eight years since the book’s release, it holds up as a cautionary tale for women in their 30’s who want to have their own biological kids. In today’s Love U Podcast, I catch up with the author who is a single mom, therapist, and one hell of a writer.

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Eli Finkel wrote perhaps my favorite relationship book of 2017,...

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Eli Finkel wrote perhaps my favorite relationship book of 2017, The All Or Nothing Marriage, which talks about how the best marriages have gotten stronger while the rest of marriages have gotten weaker. Not only is it a really powerful and instructive book for single women looking for the ultimate relationship in the 21st century, but this is definitely one of my favorite Love U Podcasts ever. Enjoy.

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I’m not the only guy who gives dating advice to smart, strong, successful women. In fact, my good friend, Dr. Ali Binazir, is the author of an incredible book called The Tao of Dating. And when I say “incredible,” I mean, I kind of wish I wrote it. Anyway, join me for today’s Love U Podcast with Ali, who is one helluva smart and interesting interview.

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The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible

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I’m not the only guy who gives dating advice to...

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Have you ever felt powerless in a relationship? Have you...

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Have you ever felt powerless in a relationship? Have you kept your mouth shut to avoid conflict? Have you let men walk all over you? Have you been a giver in a relationship that felt imbalanced? Then you must tune in to today’s Love U Podcast with Dr. Robert Glover, author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” – a book written for men that applies to lots of “nice” women as well.

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When you think of matchmaking, you probably think of Patti...

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When you think of matchmaking, you probably think of Patti Stanger, but I don’t. Matchmaking is part art, part science, and part alchemy. That’s why I’m honored to interview the CEO of matchmaking service, Three Day Rule, about her business. Talia is a smart, successful, happily married mother who lives her mission to spread love every single day.

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We’ve all been there. You fall in love. It’s the...

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We’ve all been there. You fall in love. It’s the best feeling in the world. But then, for some reason – timing, money, addiction, infidelity, children, communication, emotional availability – you grow apart and can’t be fixed. What do you do then? Join me on this Love U Podcast where I explore my own heartbreak and teach you 5 ways to bounce back and find love.

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There’s an entire self-help world built on women looking in the mirror, taking responsibility and earnestly trying to understand what men are thinking. Men, on the other hand, remain somewhere between clueless and indifferent. Why? And what do we do in a world where only half the population wants to understand the other half?

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There’s an entire self-help world built on women looking in...

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Want to understand how to choose a long-term partner that’s meant to last? Join me on this special Love U podcast with Jonah Lehrer about “A Book About Love.” Lehrer has written a seminal book for any woman who wants to know what really matters in relationships.

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Want to understand how to choose a long-term partner that’s...

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If you’re sick of endless texts from flaky guys… If...

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If you’re sick of endless texts from flaky guys… If you’re tired of paying for your own frappucino… If you suspect that dating might be more fun if guys “got it”… Join me for today’s Love U Podcast on what makes a man a good first date.

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Marriages struggle and collapse all the time because, in many...

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Marriages struggle and collapse all the time because, in many cases, the spouses are lovers and business partners, but not best friends. So, why don’t more women marry men who are their best friends? That’s what we’re talking about on today’s Love U Podcast.

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Marcy Neumann is special. Ever since we met this summer, we’ve had a strong connection, although, on the surface, we couldn’t be more different. She’s all energy, reiki, and spirituality. I’m, well, me. But one place we feel strongly is about the power of forgiveness as a means to heal all relationship wounds. Join me for this wonderful conversation with this wonderful woman.

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Marcy Neumann is special. Ever since we met this summer,...

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Harvey Weinstein was the tip of the iceberg. After millions of women shared their #MeToo stories of sexual harassment and assault, the world could no longer ignore this pervasive problem. Today, I’m continuing this conversation to ensure that you know that you’re believed, while, at the same time, explaining how good men completely missed the boat on this one.

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Harvey Weinstein was the tip of the iceberg. After millions...

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There’s how fast you want to go, how fast he...

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There’s how fast you want to go, how fast he wants to go, and what works best for healthy couples. Those timetables rarely align. In this thought-provoking Love U Podcast, learn how the pace of your relationship may actually determine the success of your relationship.

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The Art of Charm podcast is a BIG deal. Which...

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The Art of Charm podcast is a BIG deal. Which is why I’m proud to interview co-founder A.J. Harbinger here on the Love U Podcast. A.J. shares universal tips for both women and men about how to create connection, be a good conversationalist, overcome social anxiety and develop confidence. You don’t want to miss this.

Click here to access the Art of Charm toolbox.

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You may still love and miss your ex, but that...

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You may still love and miss your ex, but that doesn’t mean he should be a part of your life. That’s the message of this Love U Podcast, in which I give you six ways to make a clean break from your former boyfriend. One thing’s for sure: I DEFINITELY don’t tell you how to get him back.

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Aggression. Rape. Murder. Dominance. With which gender do you associate...

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Aggression. Rape. Murder. Dominance. With which gender do you associate those words? One more question: does that make you sexist? I don’t think so. Tune into this week’s Love U Podcast to hear why men and women are different and how stereotypes don’t apply to everyone.

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Do you want to have fun? Do you want to...

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Do you want to have fun? Do you want to laugh? Do you want someone to send you on a scavenger hunt to meet new guys? Then you’ll definitely want to listen to my interview with Kira Sabin, who developed the League of Adventurous Singles to help women regain their confidence and playfulness on the way to love. She’s a hoot and I agree with pretty much everything she says.

Watch it on YouTube.

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I have a big mouth and have never had an...

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I have a big mouth and have never had an opinion I haven’t voiced. Nonetheless, I am happily married. How is that possible? Well, for one, I have a cool, patient, thick-skinned wife. But the other reason is that I know how to apologize – both frequently and effectively. Apologizing is a vital skill set for anyone who wants to be married. Join me on today’s Love U Podcast to learn how.

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Feminists who hate men and MRA/MGOTWs who hate women are...

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Feminists who hate men and MRA/MGOTWs who hate women are two peas in a very angry pod. They both have valid points, but refuse to acknowledge the validity of the other side. Join me on this Love U Podcast, where I try to stake out a middle ground in the war between the sexes. After all, it’s pretty hard to find love if you don’t like the gender you’re trying to love.

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Sensitive, smart, and spiritual are the first three words I’d used to describe Kevin Kurgansky. While he’s a young guy, he is an explorer who has channeled his wisdom into a best-selling breakup program. If you’re struggling to get over a guy, you don’t want to miss this.

Click here to get your prescription from the Breakup Doctor.

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Sensitive, smart, and spiritual are the first three words I’d...

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You want to know what guys think about sex? Just ask. Tune in to hear my 8 agreements about sex and you will be a LOT less frustrated with men.

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You want to know what guys think about sex? Just...

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Let’s start here: if you have a selfish, abusive, lying, slacker boyfriend, dump him now. But if you have a good – albeit imperfect – man, here are 5 ways to bring out the best in him – and get the love you deserve.

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Let’s start here: if you have a selfish, abusive, lying,...

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Lauren Frances has a thing. Charisma. Sex appeal. Fierce intelligence....

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Lauren Frances has a thing. Charisma. Sex appeal. Fierce intelligence. Whatever it is, you’re going to want to get a glimpse of it. Lauren understands men and knows how to build attraction, both online and off. In this Love U Podcast, you’ll discover how to be a sexy siren that men can’t resist. I’m telling you: Lauren’s magical.

Click here to get Lauren’s free dating tip sheet and vision of love meditation.

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A limiting belief is one that is partially true, but not always true. If you believe “there are no good men” because you’ve been hurt, you may have a point, but you’re cutting off the possibility that good men exist who can love you. That is not only false but paralyzing. If you think the worst about dating, relationships, and men, tune into this Love U Podcast and learn how to get out of your own way.

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A limiting belief is one that is partially true, but...

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You may say you want 100% honesty from your partner, but what happens when you get it? Feelings are hurt. Egos are bruised. Fights ensue. Today’s episode was inspired by a specific incident at work when I hurt someone’s feelings but had no idea how to avoid it. You want to understand why your boyfriend is so frustrating? Listen to this podcast; it will definitely challenge you.

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You may say you want 100% honesty from your partner,...

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Arielle Ford may just well be The Fairy Godmother of...

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Arielle Ford may just well be The Fairy Godmother of Love. Not only is she the happily married author of the bestseller, The Soulmate Secret, but she is probably the single most connected person in the dating/relationship/spiritual world. When she’s not doing the Love U Podcast with me, she’s hanging with Deepak on his private plane to Bali. Join me to listen to this warm, soulful, fascinating interview.

Click here to learn the 3 Keys to Using the Law of Attraction to Manifest Your Soulmate.

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It’s quite easy to identify when someone else is a victim whose unrelenting negativity is an energy drain to all around them. It’s much harder to identify when you’re that person. Tune into this important Love U Podcast and learn how to take responsibility for what you can control and let go of the rest.

Click here to see Judith Orloff’s piece on victim mentality

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It’s quite easy to identify when someone else is a...

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People can change, but they only change when they want to change, not because you want them to change. So, why would a man want to change? Because the value of making you happy is more important than the value of him digging in his heels. On this Love U Podcast, discover the four essential questions to when you want to change your man.

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People can change, but they only change when they want...

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Rori Raye is a wildly popular relationship coach for women...

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Rori Raye is a wildly popular relationship coach for women who has impacted hundreds of thousands of lives over her storied career. She is the living embodiment of patience, intuition and feminine energy and I’m excited to share her teachings with you on this special Love U Podcast interview.

Watch it on YouTube.

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“Settling” is a bad word. I didn’t settle. I would never ask you to settle. In this week’s podcast, however, I’d like to help you redefine settling. Soon, you’ll be able to distinguish “settling” from the smart compromises that every happily married woman makes in order to build a life with someone.

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“Settling” is a bad word. I didn’t settle. I would...

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If you ask women, the answer is “everything.” If you...

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If you ask women, the answer is “everything.” If you ask men, the answer is “nothing.” Join me on this Love U Podcast where I explore whether there’s any truth in gender stereotypes and wash away any confusion you might have about the male gender.

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A well-respected world leader in sexology, Dr. Patti Britton is an academic, author, popular speaker, trainer and workshop leader. She is also the co-founder of SexCoachU, the world’s premier credentialing and training organization for sex coaching. Tune into this week’s Love U Podcast and let’s sex things up!

Click here to get your 3 free videos on becoming a sex expert.

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A well-respected world leader in sexology, Dr. Patti Britton is...

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I don’t entirely understand highly sensitive people. In fact, I...

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I don’t entirely understand highly sensitive people. In fact, I find it hard to offer constructive advice that doesn’t involve them changing into less sensitive people. That’s why I’m offering this Love U Podcast, as a resource to HSPs who struggle with relationships and want to know how they can better survive the tumultuous world of dating.

Click here for more on how to navigate the challenges of either being highly sensitive or being in a relationship with someone who is highly sensitive. And visit Dr. Elaine Aron’s website to gain insight into her research on this inherited trait.

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I’m not one of those guys who thinks that you...

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I’m not one of those guys who thinks that you should go to college to look for your husband. However, if you want to have your own biological children, you are better off taking your love life seriously in your early thirties, instead of putting off dating until your late 30’s. This week’s Love U Podcast is vital information for any woman who wants to bear her own children.

Why Women Who Want to Have Kids Should Date in their Early 30s

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Kimberly Seltzer of Elite Image Makeovers is a friend who provides a valuable service: she knows how to make you look good to the opposite sex. Kim has been helping women dress for success and find love for a long time, and today, I’m going to have her share some of her common sense wisdom. Since I never tell women how to dress, today’s podcast should be an extra special treat.

For Kimberly’s Signature Virtual Makeover click here.

For Kimberly’s Website click here.

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Kimberly Seltzer of Elite Image Makeovers is a friend who...

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Sure, men and women are equal, but are we the SAME? A Slate article that suggests we are the same leaves out some important information. Join me on this Love U Podcast to learn how women – because of their lack of testosterone – are not only different than men, but perhaps even better than men when it comes to relationships.

Click here for the full Slate Article

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Sure, men and women are equal, but are we the...

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On this week’s Love U Podcast, I offer my strong...

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On this week’s Love U Podcast, I offer my strong (and somewhat unique) take: if your relationship is a source of negativity, it’s not serving its purpose. Join me to learn why if you have to ask if you should leave, you probably have your answer already.

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Dr. Diana Kirschner is a psychologist, author and relationship expert whose book Love in 90 Days is one of my favorites. On today’s Love U Podcast, I ask her how you can overcome shyness and enhance confidence without years of therapy. I hold Dr. Diana in the highest esteem, so you do not want to miss this interview!

For more Dr. Diana Kirschner, visit her website. As bestselling love expert, Dr. Diana has handpicked and trained a team of awesome Love Mentor coaches – and you can talk with one of them for 40 minutes by phone or Skype for free! If you have any pressing dating or love questions, sign up for your free session now and you will be talking to a wise helpful Love Mentor very soon! Just say Evan sent me for VIP treatment!

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Dr. Diana Kirschner is a psychologist, author and relationship expert...

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You may think a little mistrust is healthy. It’s not....

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You may think a little mistrust is healthy. It’s not. It’s toxic. Join me on this Love U Podcast to see how your lack of trust doesn’t protect you from bad men, but rather protects you from true love, which involves letting down your guard, being vulnerable and trusting.

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Being a great girlfriend isn’t about who you are, it’s...

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Being a great girlfriend isn’t about who you are, it’s about how you make him FEEL when he’s with you.

Join me on this important Love U Podcast to see if, in fact, you make your man feel accepted, appreciated and admired.

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Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash’s new venture, pregnantish, helps people navigate...

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Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash’s new venture, pregnantish, helps people navigate the personal and practical parts of fertility treatments and infertility. Her goal is to help the millions of singles, couples, and LGBT feel less isolated and more supported as they build their families. Andrea is a long-time friend and you will be moved and inspired by her story on the Love U Podcast.

Click here for more on Andrea’s relationship advice and to learn more about her new online magazine, click here.

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Type A. Opinionated. Passionate. Informed. That’s the positive spin. The...

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Type A. Opinionated. Passionate. Informed. That’s the positive spin. The flip side is Difficult. Stubborn. Argumentative. If you’re difficult, I ain’t judging you, but I am telling you that you’d BETTER find an easygoing partner. Tune in to this week’s Love U Podcast to learn how if a pain in the ass like me can find love, you can, too.

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Living together doesn’t guarantee a great marriage, but it is...

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Living together doesn’t guarantee a great marriage, but it is a smart precursor for people to figure out if they can live together in peace. If you’ve been burned by living with a man, tune into this Love U Podcast, where I will give you a half-dozen facts about cohabitation that may just change your mind forever.

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Does your bedroom impact the way men see you? Does your decor affect the way you feel at home. Bumi Lauren Kristen is a licensed architect, interior designer, and pioneer in design psychology who helps women rekindle the romance at home. Definitely take a listen to this special Love U Podcast interview and see if your decor needs a makeover.

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Does your bedroom impact the way men see you? Does...

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Dating as a single parent is like regular dating, with one massive complication that creates a bunch of minor complications. In this case, the complexities of an amicable vs. bitter divorce, a peaceful vs. contentious child custody battle, and the financial well-being of both you and the divorced dad you’re dating. Tune in to the Love U Podcast to learn five rules for single parent dating and hear me help two women get clarity on how to date as single parents.

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Dating as a single parent is like regular dating, with...

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How do you handle this Hallmark holiday? With equanimity and...

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How do you handle this Hallmark holiday? With equanimity and understanding. A man can be a great guy and be weak on Valentine’s gifts, and a guy can be a great holiday performer and inconsiderate on a day to day basis. In this Love U Podcast, I explain how you can tell the difference.

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I’m a pretty opinionated guy, which is why I’m surprised...

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I’m a pretty opinionated guy, which is why I’m surprised to share with you a dating coach who is in perfect sync with my message. Single until 47, Bobbi Palmer looked in the mirror, adjusted her attitude and has been happily married for nearly a decade. Now, at Date Like a Grownup, she shares the same straight-talking practical advice as I do, which is why I’m so excited to have her on the Love U Podcast. Pay attention. This woman knows what she’s doing.

To learn more about Bobbi’s 7 Day e-course, click here

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Sure, cheating, lying and abuse are no-nos. But what about porn? Flirting? Drinking? Smoking? Drugs? Video games? Working late? Traveling? Time with friends? Family? Hobbies? In this week’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to help you figure out what is acceptable and unacceptable, once and for all.

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Sure, cheating, lying and abuse are no-nos. But what about...

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My thesis — as well as most relationship experts’ thesis — is that what you’re most attracted to isn’t necessarily good for you, nor compatible in the long run. The answer to your compatibility woes is usually much more nuanced. Thus, you’re not giving up on your type; you’re trading off on certain qualities in order to find a better long-term fit for your life.

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My thesis — as well as most relationship experts’ thesis...

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Orna Walters is one half of a dynamic couple that...

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Orna Walters is one half of a dynamic couple that helps women like you identify and remove your blocks to love. At Creating Love on Purpose, Orna has transformed many lives using the same tools she overcame as the child of abuse and learned to love herself. In short, we come from different places, but agree on pretty much all the important stuff. You don’t want to miss this Love U Podcast.

Click here to learn more about Orna Walters’ Creating Love on Purpose transformation.

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The definition of being cool changes as you get older, but it ultimately arrives at one point: being cool is the dynamic between caring and not caring. Cool people don’t care what others think, but they do care about relationships and the world around them. Join me to explore this interesting idea on this week’s Love U Podcast.

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The definition of being cool changes as you get older,...

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You’re not alone. Even though I claim to have enough...

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You’re not alone. Even though I claim to have enough confidence to transfer to millions of women around the world, I, too have been plagued by anxiety, depression and self-doubt. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to share how you can take a lifetime of negativity and turn it around in 7 steps, so you can attract the man you deserve.

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Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. If you’re sensing that something is “off” in your relationship because your partner is distant, secretive, critical, suddenly busy, working later hours, texting and Facebooking constantly, your suspicions may be justified. Join me on this week’s Love U Podcast where Dr. Sheri Meyers will share how to distinguish your fears from reality and begin the healing process.

To learn more about Dr. Sheri Meyers, click here.

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Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. If you’re sensing...

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Holding out for sex is not about holding out until marriage, tricking him into a relationship or trying to keep him around. On the contrary, it’s about taking enough time to assess whether your guy is truly boyfriend-worthy rather than sex-worthy. Tune in to this important Love U Podcast to ensure you never get “used” by a man for sex ever again.

More on why women should make men wait for sex.

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Holding out for sex is not about holding out until...

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In a good marriage, you have the freedom to be...

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In a good marriage, you have the freedom to be the best version of yourself. It’s a foundation upon which you can build the rest of your life. This may seem hard to believe, but it’s not the institution of marriage that’s the problem; it’s been a combination of you and your choice of partner. Listen to this Love U Podcast to confirm that, in fact, a good marriage is the most joyous, liberating, strengthening, and freeing opportunity on Earth.

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There aren’t many men who do what I do, but...

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There aren’t many men who do what I do, but Jonathon Aslay is one of them. He’s a good friend who helps middle-aged divorced women through the dating process. Although, he is one of the sweetest guys in the world, we tussle in the middle of this podcast about what kind of questions you should ask on the first date. It’s juicy stuff and useful to see things from both sides. Lemme know what you think.

To learn more about Jonathon Aslay, click here to visit his site.

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I know. You think I’m crazy. Old school. Too far out of the dating world. But I’m telling you, texting – our most popular form of communication – is also the WORST form of communication. Tune in to hear why texting is killing your intimacy and how to show a man how you’d like him to communicate with you. If he likes you, he’ll get the hint.

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I know. You think I’m crazy. Old school. Too far...

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Lust is not a choice; it’s an intense, animalistic, primal feeling. But why do men lust for certain women? Why do you lust for certain men? Join me on this Love U Podcast for an exploration of why lust is a great feeling – that says nothing about your romantic future whatsoever.

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Lust is not a choice; it’s an intense, animalistic, primal...

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You’re not just looking for a man; you’re looking for...

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You’re not just looking for a man; you’re looking for a QUALITY man. But you don’t know where to find him. All the good ones are taken. The rest of ’em are just losers and players and flakes. At least that’s the way it seems. Enter Marni Battista, owner of DatingWithDignity.com, who joins me for this Love U to drop a truth bomb on you: there are plenty of quality men out there. You just have to know where to look…

Learn How To Attract A Quality Man, Without Going on 200 Dates by visiting Marni Battista at DatingWithDignity.com.

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If lasting love has eluded you and every Mr. Right...

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If lasting love has eluded you and every Mr. Right turned out wrong, you need to listen to this. Yes, it’s a story about how I chose my wife, but it might as well be about your future. Furthermore, it’s the most revealing I’ve ever been and I think it will shed great light on how to make better relationship choices using both your head AND your heart.

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to...

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to divorced women who told me that everything was great with her ex…until she got married. Turns out that it wasn’t “marriage” that was the problem; it was that she didn’t really get to discover whether she was compatible with her husband until AFTER they tied the knot. Join me for this New York Times-inspired Love U Podcast on what you MUST figure out about your boyfriend before he becomes your husband.

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Allana Pratt has a “thing.” I’ve yet to meet another woman who carries herself with effortless sex appeal that Allana does. She uses her gift to help women step out of their masculinity when they’re in relationships, as well as helping men get their confidence back, post-divorce. Tune in to the Love U Podcast to learn why men respond so strongly to women like Allana.

Click here to access Allana Pratt’s 3 free audio downloads.

Click here to schedule a free consultation with Allana Pratt.

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Allana Pratt has a “thing.” I’ve yet to meet another...

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The definition of ghosting: I would rather avoid an uncomfortable...

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The definition of ghosting: I would rather avoid an uncomfortable exchange with you than to be courteous. Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn why you should never leave a man hanging, and the most common reasons men disappear from your life.

After listening to the podcast, click here to learn more about why men disappear – from your first date, during the dating process, and from relationships – and what you can do to make good men want to stick around forever.

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If you come from a close ethnic or religious family,...

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If you come from a close ethnic or religious family, you’re well aware of the pressures to marry one of your own. But as wonderful as it is to share a culture, most minorities end up restricting their dating pool to less than 5% of the population. So what happens when you fall in love outside your group? Should your family have a say? Listen to today’s Love U Podcast and I’ll tell you the only way to handle such a situation.

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You know that I’m about as non-spiritual as you get....

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You know that I’m about as non-spiritual as you get. Data. Evidence. Science. Those are my religions. And yet, my best friend and most trusted colleague in the entire dating/relationship universe is Carol Allen, vedic astrologer. She combines my deep hunger for helping people and reading incessantly with an ancient Indian tradition that lends surprising insight into your relationships Don’t believe me? Take a listen.

Below are two links for you from my close friend, Carol:

Free Archetypes Report

What Men Want

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Sleep with whomever you want! Seriously. As a former slut-turned-happily-married man, I hold no judgment towards women who choose to exercise their liberty to seek pleasure at every turn. The only issue I have as a dating coach is that sometimes (often), you end up getting attached and heartbroken. So let’s dive into hookup culture and talk about what choices are going to make you happy.

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Sleep with whomever you want! Seriously. As a former slut-turned-happily-married...

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We all do it. You see a stranger. He looks...

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We all do it. You see a stranger. He looks a certain way. You tell yourself a story about who he must be. The gorgeous guy. The poorly dressed guy. The short guy. The separated guy. The guy who didn’t go to college. The problem with these stories is not that they’re always false, but, rather, that they’re often not true. By choosing to judge a book by its cover, you could very well pass up the love of your life. Join me on this podcast for a great story where I judge someone on her looks, and quickly caught myself in the act.

For further reading on judging a book by it’s cover, check out this blog post on Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him.”

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Katherine Woodward Thomas is New York Times bestselling author of...

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Katherine Woodward Thomas is New York Times bestselling author of Calling in “The One” and Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. (Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow got the phrase from her!) On this episode of the Love U Podcast, Katherine will teach you how to heal your past and create a bright new romantic future.

For more information on Katherine Woodward Thomas visit Calling In The One.

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Chemistry may be the most intoxicating feeling in the world,...

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Chemistry may be the most intoxicating feeling in the world, but if I’ve learned anything in my 13 years of dating coaching, it’s that chemistry is not the best predictor of whether a relationship will last. Join me in this special Love U Podcast on one of my favorite subjects, where I’ll teach you how to compromise (not settle!) your way into lasting love.

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Peter Pans are men who don’t want to grow up. They’re fun, spontaneous, playful, creative, and interesting. You love them. Until it’s time to get serious. Then, you realize you’ve got a clueless boyfriend whose life revolves around his selfish whims and needs. What do you do when you are in love with a man who can’t plan 24 hours ahead? Join me on the Love U Podcast to find out.

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Peter Pans are men who don’t want to grow up....

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Rhonda Britten is an Emmy award-winner, author and life coach who specializes in helping you identify, overcome, and face your fears in order to lead a fuller, happier life. I’m also proud to call her my close friend. This is my first Love U Podcast interview, and it certainly won’t be the last. Enjoy listening to Rhonda and I talk about how fear is currently suffocating your romantic dreams.

Learn more about Rhonda Britten at Fearless Living

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Rhonda Britten is an Emmy award-winner, author and life coach...

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Beyonce’s latest album was a confession that she was a...

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Beyonce’s latest album was a confession that she was a powerful woman staying in a relationship with a cheating man. So why do men cheat? Why do women stay with them? How rampant is cheating in marriage, anyway? Tune in to the Love Podcast and I’ll break it all down for you.

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For nearly a decade, I’ve tried to reverse engineer what...

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For nearly a decade, I’ve tried to reverse engineer what my wife does that makes her such a spectacular partner. Today, I give away the secret sauce that makes me the happiest man I know and will make your future husband more devoted to you than you ever could have imagined.

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Love at first sight. Married in a year. Together forever....

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Love at first sight. Married in a year. Together forever. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well, does until you realize that the couples who tie the knot quickly are the most likely to get divorced. Tune in to listen to the sobering statistics and learn what pace is the most effective to get not only a proposal but a happy marriage as well.

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It’s been said that she’s a myth — an impossible image that no woman can actually live up to — and that women should stop worrying about being “cool.” I disagree. Men — the men you want — LOVE cool girls. In this podcast, we’re going to redefine cool and show you that in a committed relationship, both partners should be cool.

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It’s been said that she’s a myth — an impossible...

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Believe me: I’m not shedding any tears for straight, white...

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Believe me: I’m not shedding any tears for straight, white men like me. But I think it’s important to point out that straight, white men suffer too. Whether it’s trying to act more sensitive, more masculine, or feel more connected, guys constantly feel they’re falling short — and they have virtually no one to talk to about it.

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Let’s face it: most relationships fail before they hit the...

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Let’s face it: most relationships fail before they hit the altar. That’s okay. Dating requires a lot of trial and error. But what happens when you find someone special? How should you treat him? How should he treat you? What can you do to ensure the long-term success of your relationship? In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to tell you how to embody the habits of the happiest marriages.

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Liars. Players. Flakes. Losers. Scammers. Freaks. Morons. That’s a short list of the complaints I hear about online dating. And yet online dating remains the single best way to create a love life from scratch. Tune in as I address all of your objections to online dating and show you a more positive and effective path to making it work for you.

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Liars. Players. Flakes. Losers. Scammers. Freaks. Morons. That’s a short...

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It’s hard out there. I get it. After years of dating and relationship failures, it’s easy to go on permanent “guyatus,” and throw in the towel on men. Don’t. In this special podcast, I’m going to reframe 10 limiting beliefs you have about love and show you how to turn your glass half-empty into a glass half-full.

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It’s hard out there. I get it. After years of...

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Men look for sex and find love. If we can agree on that, why is it so surprising to some women when men try to kiss (and more) on the first date? In this episode, I’m going to give you the lowdown on what men are really thinking and the definitive sexual pace you should move at if you want to keep your spark and get a boyfriend.

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Men look for sex and find love. If we can...

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Chivalry is not dead, but in some circles, it is on life support. While women lament the lack of effort men make in dating, most men are either clueless about chivalry or fighting against it. On this episode, I’m going to give you a compelling argument as to why courtship is good for men and what women can do to encourage better male behavior.

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Chivalry is not dead, but in some circles, it is...

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You may feel like a victim of love. Bad guys....

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You may feel like a victim of love. Bad guys. Bad timing. Bad choices. Fair enough. But even if it’s all true, you can’t let the past dictate your future. If you want to find lasting love, you have to do something different. Here are 4 ways you can start today.

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Money is a dilemma faced by smart, successful women in the dating world. Do you need a man to earn more than you? Will he feel insecure and emasculated around you? What’s the best way to handle money as a couple? Evan’s got all your answers on the next Love U Podcast.

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Money is a dilemma faced by smart, successful women in...

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It’s the curse of the nice girl. You fall in...

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It’s the curse of the nice girl. You fall in love. He seems great. Slowly, but surely, his mask slips and you see his true colors: he’s selfish, stubborn, temperamental, critical and mean. You still love him, you remember him at his best, but you have no idea how you fell so far in this relationship. In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to help you enforce healthy boundaries from the very beginning so that you’re nobody’s doormat ever again.

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It’s pretty much THE question, isn’t it? Instead of wasting...

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It’s pretty much THE question, isn’t it? Instead of wasting months and years on men who treat you poorly, how can you avoid the unhappy ending BEFOREHAND? In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to teach you how to use pattern recognition, experience and your gut to make better relationship choices in the future.

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There’s only one metric to determine whether advice is good: does it work or not? Believe it or not, there are dozens of respected experts whose opinion will steer you in the complete opposite direction of your actual goals. On this week’s Love U Podcast, I will debunk these false ideas and light your path to making confident relationship choices.

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There’s only one metric to determine whether advice is good:...

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Let’s face it: anyone can become a dating coach. All...

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Let’s face it: anyone can become a dating coach. All you need is an opinion and a website. The problem is that, when you’re relying on “experts,” it’s hard to distinguish good advice from the bad advice. If you can’t even trust your own judgment, how do you know what to believe? I’m excited to dive into this Love U Podcast where you’ll learn to see right through the bullshit, clichés, and wishful thinking that are so prevalent online.

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“You’re only as needy as your unmet needs” is a...

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“You’re only as needy as your unmet needs” is a really affirming quote, because it implies that if you feel needy, your partner has been neglecting your needs. The problem is that this is not always the case. Insecure people with anxious attachment styles often think that every disagreement is potential cause for a break-up. It’s not. If you have a good man who loves you, you can breathe easy and be vulnerable and trusting, without fear of him leaving. But, as you’ll hear in this podcast, it’s all up to you.

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After a lifetime of disappointing men, questionable choices and broken...

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After a lifetime of disappointing men, questionable choices and broken hearts, it’s tempting to want to give up on love forever. In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I’m going to tell you an inspirational story of why it’s important to persevere and how quickly your romantic fortunes can turn around.

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Introverts are imaginative, thoughtful, and sensitive. But in a world...

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Introverts are imaginative, thoughtful, and sensitive. But in a world where you have only a a few hours make a first impression, taking time to warm up to strangers is a distinct challenge. So how should introverts date? Should they pair with extroverts or stick with other introverts who recharge by being alone? Tune in to find out.

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It’s normal to hate the guy who cheated on you. But how about the guy who slept with you but didn’t want to commit? Or the woman who married your beloved ex-boyfriend? Or the person who always posts those happy family photos on Facebook? In this episode, we’ll explore the sources of hate, and I’ll let you know who I found myself hating, quite irrationally.

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It’s normal to hate the guy who cheated on you....

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Hate to say it, but there are some people on...

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Hate to say it, but there are some people on the planet who can’t make ANYBODY happy. In this episode, you will not only learn why you choose bad men, but also learn how to bring the best out of the good ones. Listen and I will tell you how to turn a insecure guy into a confident guy.

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“Just be yourself” is the most common dating advice in...

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“Just be yourself” is the most common dating advice in the world. It’s also the worst. Men who send dick pics are being themselves. Verbally abusive men are being themselves. Ultimately, dating success isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not, but rather, about being the most confident, generous, self-aware person you can be.

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No one wants to think so, but most of us...

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No one wants to think so, but most of us do. Think of the guy who thinks he’s a catch because he went to a good college, the smart guy who has no social skills, or the rich guy who is selfish and negative. In this episode, you’ll learn that what makes you impressive doesn’t always make you a good partner, and what makes a good partner is something most of us overlook.

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“Should I call him? Text him? Ignore him?” “Why is he pulling away?” “How can I get him back? STOP. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you won’t have to ask any of these questions. And if you find yourself asking these questions, your relationship is really not that healthy.

Watch it on YouTube.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to Love U.

Take the Find Love Now quiz to learn how to fix your broken man-picker.

Enjoy the Love U Podcast? Please rate it on Apple Podcasts:

On your phone, click on More Episodes, then scroll to the bottom for “Ratings & Reviews”. Click on “Write a Review” to leave your review!
To rate on desktop, go to the show’s Apple Podcasts page and click “Listen on Apple Podcasts”.
Scroll down to “Ratings and Reviews” and next to “Click to Rate” select the stars.

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“Should I call him? Text him? Ignore him?” “Why is...

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Sure, you want to feel desired, wanted, and safe. But is it reasonable to expect that your boyfriend finds you more attractive than every other woman on Earth? Find out why it’s not a sign of relationship weakness if your man thinks other women are hot; it can actually be a sign of relationship strength.

Watch it on YouTube.

Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to Love U.

Take the Find Love Now quiz to learn how to fix your broken man-picker.

Enjoy the Love U Podcast? Please rate it on Apple Podcasts:

On your phone, click on More Episodes, then scroll to the bottom for “Ratings & Reviews”. Click on “Write a Review” to leave your review!
To rate on desktop, go to the show’s Apple Podcasts page and click “Listen on Apple Podcasts”.
Scroll down to “Ratings and Reviews” and next to “Click to Rate” select the stars.

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Sure, you want to feel desired, wanted, and safe. But...

The Love U Podcast with Evan Marc Katz: Recent Episodes

Evan Marc Katz