Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy: Recent Episodes
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Sex podcast to help committed couples keep it hot! Find hope to keep your marriage and committed relationships emotionally connected and sexually erotic. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson is joined by global leader in couples therapy - George Faller, LMFT for an expert, frank and fascinating conversation about sex, love, therapy, relationship dynamics, healthy couples and marriage. We discuss everything from best sexual techniques and solving sexual problems, to building the emotional intimacy necessary for great sex in your relationship! Two therapists bring you sound, concrete tools to reframe your relationship problems and learn how to fall in-love again, rebuild trust, and feel desire. Subscribe to us today!
Do you have anxiety when it comes to your sex life? Maybe you identify with the sexual pursuer role in the relationship and find that you are the partner that keeps track of when and how often you have sex. This can create so much pressure for you and your partner! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss four ways anxiety is killing your sex life and the tools you need to fix it. George reminds us that anxiety can put us in yellow brain, meaning we cautious with our lovers because we are fearing rejection and loss of connection. If this is something that shows up in your relationship, this is a must listen episode. Download and share with your partner as an exercise to join with each other and face the anxiety together. Like what we're doing? Make sure to rate and review wherever you listen to our podcast and give us a follow on Instagram for more great info! Check out our sponsors! Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide! OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Delayed ejaculation is when a man cannot reach orgasm intervaginally during sexual intercourse. If this is something you have dealt with, you are not alone! We know that this can be frustrating and embarrassing for men that have experienced this and today's episode will provide you with tangible tools to overcome it. Join George and Laurie today as they discuss delayed ejaculation, the cause of it and problem solving strategies. Download this episode to learn how to reduce the pressure around orgasming and how to communicate with your partner. Don't forget to join us on September 8th for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat. We are so ready to help you have better love and better sex in your relationship!
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Welcome listeners! Today we are saying F the Cycle and using good energy to help deconstruct the negative cycle and rebuild a positive connection. In this episode George and Laurie reinforce the brain training concept, 'Name it to Tame it' in regards to the sexual cycle. Why is naming the cycle so important? It is because the initial reactive response comes from the limbic region of your brain. The primitive part of your brain that senses out real or perceived threat and gives you only a few options, fight, flight or freeze. All of these protective moves are designed to do one thing: get you to immediate safety. They do not promote connection or the needs of the relationship. Since these moves get us to safety and in control they feel good in the short term. Overtime, however, they erode connection in the relationship because of how the move impacts your partner. Naming the cycle takes the response from the limbic region of your brain to the frontal cortex where we gain a better sense of understanding and organization to what is happening. In simpler words, we become less reactive and more responsive. Come get a little nerdy with us today and learn more about how relationship distress affects your brain and take the opportunity to unite with your partner and say "F the Cycle!" Make sure to leave us a rating or review to help spread the word about Foreplay. Better sex and relationships for all!
Check out our fantastic sponsors! CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide! OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex. Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Do you take your partner's behavior personally? Learn how not to in this episode! It's common for individuals to engage in pursuing or withdrawing behaviors in their relationships. If not feeling heard or understood by your partner you might push to move through the conflict or withdraw to move away from it. Both moves are meant to create safety but can continue to cause more distress between partners. In this episode, Laurie and George discuss the moves of pursuers and withdrawers, how partners can often flip roles based on the situation and how to have a conversation that leads to understanding and connection. Listeners are reminded that you don't have to be perfect but good enough. Try asking yourself this question to understand your moves and your partner's more: What is happening for me that I am pushing/withdrawing? What could be happening for my partner that is causing them to push/withdraw? A little more vulnerability to keep it hot y'all! Check out our great sponsor: OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex and how to make it and keep it hot! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Today we are celebrating the 400th episode of Foreplay Sex Therapy Podcast! The idea for the podcast originated after Laurie was told by commercial radio that she was too spicy for broadcast. Their loss is our gain. Join Laurie and George today as they celebrate this major accomplishment AND give us all the details on women's pleasure! Listeners will walk away with do's and don'ts and many new techniques to help yourself or the lady in your life achieve sexual pleasure. If you love our show please leave us some love by rating and reviewing the podcast wherever you stream episodes. We need YOU to help us spread the word about Foreplay. Help us keep it hot y'all!!
Check out our most excellent sponsors! Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!
Uberlube.com -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!
OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Oof listeners, this is some hard content that we are discussing today! Loss of attraction is often shared as the reason for the ending of a relationship. Maybe partners never felt deeply attracted to one another, or attraction waned over the years. Regardless of the reason, this is a must have conversation before it's too late. Join George and Laurie today on ways to artfully bring this conversation up with your spouse, to help share your feelings and also mitigate disaster. While this may seem like one of those difficult, untouchable conversations if it goes unsaid it's likely to cause a deep disconnection. From this episode, you'll gain a better understanding of why you may be experiencing this, how you contribute and more confidence in how to talk about it. Download this one and make sure to leave a review and rating for Foreplay so we can continue to help partners have better sex!
Check out our sponsors! Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
What's better than two relationship experts hosting a podcast? When they invite a guest and now listeners are privy to THREE relationship experts! Join Laurie and George in a special episode where we welcome Dr. Stan Tatkin creator of PACT couples therapy. PACT is a fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation. Stan is the author of several books, notably "Wired for Love" and his newest release, "In Each other's Care." Come along with us as George and Laurie role play a session with Stan and discuss the intersection between PACT and EFT all in effort to help couples create more conscious connections and loving relationships. Check out our sponsors! Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
How often do you check in with your spouse where there is no agenda? We often check-in on logistics and focus on the caretaking needs of the family but do you ever just have moments where you ask your partner, "How are you, really?" Join our hosts in this episode to hear about the POWER of the intentional check-in with your partner. These conversations are primed for connection and help meet the attachment needs that we all have to be heard, understood and seen by a safe and loving other. They are not solution-focused, or goal-oriented conversations and it's important to frame them as such. Intentional check-in conversations help us slow down, work on being present and open with each other. If you haven't had one recently, we encourage you to download and share this episode and get the conversation going today! Help us spread the word about Foreplay! Please vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards! Click here and find us under 'Health'!
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We've seen it in the movies and on TV, the sexy, good-looking couple in bed that climax together. The simultaneous orgasm is a goal many couples think they need to achieve for mind-blowing sex. The problem? It sets most of us up for failure when we don't meet the Hollywood ending. Join George and Laurie in today's discussion on how couples can achieve simultaneous orgasms, the good conversations to have around orgasms and how to talk when it doesn't work out as planned. Sex that doesn't end the way you had hoped can be disappointing. However, if you don't acquire the skill to talk about this with your partner that disappointment will fester and has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Good sex with your partner is achievable and it starts with a good conversation about sex! Great Love Great Sex Online Retreat coming up! Listeners, make sure you sign up for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat happening on September 8th, 2023. Registration is open now on our website.
Check out our sponsor: Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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In the quest to answer the age old question "What do women want?" have we forgotten to stop and ask how women work? Join George and Laurie today for a thrilling conversation to learn about how women are wired. Laurie describes that 50% of women have receptive desire. Meaning their brain needs to stop thinking about the needs of others and click over to 'think sexy.' Men are driven by a 24 hour testosterone cycle that helps make them much more spontaneous lovers while women's levels rise and fall in a cyclical pattern. These differences can create sexual tension but we have some great tips to help get couples on the same page. Differences aside, we can all land on sex being an enjoyable experience for all! Download this episode today to learn more about the inner world of the woman in your life, how to be a secure and confident lover, getting better at timing and expressing desire.
Check out our sponsors and support the podcast! Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
"Not tonight, I'm just too tired." If this phrase has echoed off your bedroom walls then this episode is for you! Life's demands, new baby, chronic illness, age are all reasons we have for being too tired. In fact, recent research touts just how important a good night's sleep is for our health to manage stress and reduce anxiety. What happens though, when you turn to your partner to initiate love-making and more often than not you meet their sleep mask or snores instead of their kisses and warmth? Join George and Laurie in this episode for a conversation around the need for sleep and sex! We discuss how we can be sensitive to our partner's need for rest and also when tiredness might be a sign of relationship disconnection.
Check out our sponsors! Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide! Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Are you threatened by a vibrator? Maybe it's something you've been thinking about using or only using alone. Vibrators can play an important role in a couple's sex life but might bring up myriad emotions. You may worry that a vibrator means that you are a bad lover but we hope to reduce the stigma around sex toys! Most women do not orgasm through intercourse alone and using a vibrator to stimulate her clitoris may help her body get into the zone for an orgasm. As we hear from Laurie in this episode, "If you increase the amount of orgasm, it's better for everyone!." Join our hosts to learn: how to talk about using a vibrator as part of your love making, how to get started with a vibrator, and Laurie's recommendations! There is still time to register for our virtual couple's retreat, Great Love and Great Sex, happening on September 8th. Head to our website www.foreplayrst.com to sign up! Also please check out our sponsor ZocDoc! They have the medical referral you need, when you need it. Finding the right doctor (in the right area with the right insurance...) can be challenging. ZocDoc is your one-stop referral source that allows you to find the help you need! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Everybody in a relationship needs to learn this! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss and teach an integral relationship skill, asking for what you need from your partner in a way that increases connection. Each individual in a relationship has their own set of longings. Expressing a longing in a vulnerable way is SCARY. It's scary because we fear a negative reaction from the person we love the most. That fear drives us to mask and express the longing in a more protected way. Instead of, "I miss you and I really want to spend time with you." We end up saying, "Oh, so you're going to be late again." And BAM, we are in a negative cycle. George and Laurie are experts at showing us how and why it goes wrong and the strategies to set it right. Make sure to download this episode and share it with your partner so you can both learn how to express your needs in a way that increases connection, emotional and sexual in your relationship today! Join us on September 8th at 9am EST for our virtual couples retreat, Great Love and Great Sex to learn more conflict resolution skills and keys to a more loving relationship and how to keep it hot after all these years!
Check out our highlighted sponsor for this episode: Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
When our brain is in a threat response our view narrows and we typically only see our side. Relationship research shows that secure couples are able to find common ground in conflict and widen their perspective to include their partner. Holding opposing points of view helps to reduce the negative cycle as partners are able to understand, validate and provide empathy to one another. And we know that this can be SO HARD! Join George and Laurie for today's episode where they discuss and role play how to find and stay on common ground with your partner during conflict.
Join us on September 8th at 9am EST for our virtual couples retreat, Great Love and Great Sex to learn more conflict resolution skills and keys to a more loving relationship and how to keep it hot after all these years!
Check out our sponsor for this episode: Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Beatles said it best when they sang, "Money Can't Buy Me Love," however finances are a top source of conflict between couples and in this episode our hosts focus on money and the meaning it makes in your life. Join George and Laurie as they discuss money as a competing attachment. EFTers define a competing attachment as a "third," or something outside of a couple relationship that pulls attention away from the partnership in an unhealthy way. Couples then use withdrawing or pursuing strategies to bring awareness to the disconnection created by the competing attachment and a cycle forms. If you've never thought about your relationship with money, we invite you to download the episode and use the attachment lens to explore your relationship with money, the meaning it makes for you and how it affects your partnership.uCheck out our sponsor UBERLUBE. For the best lubricant on the market! Laurie has been recommending for over 20 years and so glad they support the podcast. Support Uberlube and Foreplay by using the code 'Foreplay' when you checkout.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Rev is often a word you associate with a car engine, but did you know that REV is the acronym you need to improve your ability to listen to your partner better? REV stands for Reflect, Evocative Questions and Validation. Trust us when we tell you that REV simplifies and structures how to listen to your partner and helps conversations stay out of the conflict zone and more connected and loving. Download this episode and share it widely as listening is the most underutilized communication skill!
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In this episode, our hosts breakdown the 5 Dimensions of Touch, from an article written by renowned sex therapist Barry McCarthy, PhD. George and Laurie guide us through the different dimensions: Affectionate touch, sensual touch, playful touch, erotic touch and intercourse. These 5 dimensions are NOT a linear roadmap to intercourse rather ways to increase touch between couples. Hosts provide examples of each and make it possible for couples to explore different levels and kinds of touch and how to have those important conversations to share what feels good, and what doesn’t with your partner. You can check out the original article here: http://bit.ly/3V7rCD8 and make sure to download the episode for more!
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ZocDoc is a free app to help you find a medical professional when you need one. Use the link so they know we sent you! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant and they've supported our podcast from the start. Laurie has been recommending this for 20 years, long before Foreplay started. Check them out! Use the coupon 'Foreplay' for a discount! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Not only are our hosts here to provide good information but to dispel bad information. This week’s episode is all about premature ejaculation: the facts, busting myths, and the six-month protocol that couples can follow to fix it! If premature ejaculation has plagued your sexual world then you are going to want to download this episode and listen with your partner. You will be relieved to know that there is relief for the 40% of men that have been afflicted by PE. And men, you don’t exist in relationships alone, premature ejaculation affects the partner’s in your life too. Left untreated it runs the risk of creating a deep disconnection in your relationship. This episode provides clarity, a starting point and helps to reduce the shame around this all too common problem. Thank you to our sponsors for their support in our mission!
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Timing is everything and for many, well most of us, we’ve all experienced poor timing. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you most likely have a memory of a time when your partner shared something, you asked a question and it didn’t go over so well. An argument ensues and you’re both left with emotional whiplash. Download this episode to hear George and Laurie’s take on timing, why it goes south (from a neuroscience standpoint) and how to get it back on track. A bit of a spoiler but here is a gem from the episode: Is what you are about to say/do add or take away? Hear our hosts as they help listeners be more intentional about timing and how to recover when timing is off. Check out our sponsors: Cozy Earth has the softest sheets -- so soft you'll want to go to bed naked! In addition to sheets they have all sorts of loungewear. Check them out and get a 35% discount site wide when you use the code 'Foreplay'! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant to make sex smooth and easy! Use the code 'Foreplay' and get 10% off! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Prompted by a listener question, Laurie and George discuss resentment in relationships. Resentment is often seen as a relationship killer, but our hosts ask the audience to give permission to that feeling and listen for the deeper longing. Resentment forms as a result of unspoken and unshared pain and the attachment meaning we make. A sexual pursuer in a relationship may develop resentment over years of hoping for more sex and it not happening. Our hosts discuss viewing resentment as a form of grief. Reframing resentment as grief, creates some space to see and hold pain and share it with your partner. If we make space for that grief, we will also create space for joy over the things that we get and really work in the relationship. There is choice in resentment.If you have found yourself holding resent in your relationship, you’ll want to make sure to download this episode!
Please check out our sponsors: Cozy Earth has the softest sheets, made from all natural bamboo -- a renewable resource! These sheets are so soft you'll want to be naked. Use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 35% off site wide! Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Attention Couples Therapists, you're going to want to listen to this episode! Laurie and George role play a therapy session to help understand the world of the emotional withdrawer in the sexual cycle. Emotional withdrawers want to remain positive to support the relationship but when the emotional heat turns up they often turn away. If you are having difficulty engaging a withdrawer in the emotional cycle we encourage you to PIVOT! We find that withdrawers often flip to become pursuers in the sexual cycle. If therapists avoid naming the pain that lies in the sexual disconnection they may miss an opportunity to help them share their vulnerability with their partner. We focus on creating A LOT of safety for both partners and deeply honoring the defense systems that have been created to manage pain. While we know this episode will help the therapists in our community, partners will also benefit! We are helping to get safety in the sexual cycle so you can keep it hot!
Check out our fantastic sponsors! CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide! ZocDoc -- this website is a great resource for finding the resources you need! Doctors, dentists, any medical specialist! One central location for getting the information you need to get to medical professionals who can help, when you need them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Did you know that 10% of sexual encounters with intimate partners go badly? Join Laurie and George for this episode where they discuss strategies partners can use when sexual situations go awry. Our hosts share a bit of vulnerability as well and moments in their own lives when pressure, expectation and disappointment got the best of them. We want you to feel confident with your partners that you can pivot when you have failures. Strategies include using playful humor to encourage reconnection, meaningful conversation to process disappointment together and slowness to create opportunities for understanding. You can give your relationship some permission to get it wrong so you can keep it hot! Check out our sponsors! Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Here we are at the wedding night. After months, maybe years of planning, the special day is finally here. This episode is about sexpectations on the wedding night. Did you know over 50% of couples don’t have sex on their wedding night? Exhaustion and too many reception cocktails are often the culprit for this miss BUT are engaged couples having conversations about wedding night sexpectations before the big day? Hear George and Laurie talk about the importance of having these conversations and negotiating together what your idea of wedding night sex looks like. You may want to take stress off yourselves and save sex for the honeymoon, you may want to explore what your B.E.S.T sex looks like. Either way, we hope couples will reduce pressure to get it perfect on their wedding night. When we make these implicit conversations explicit, we can avoid disappointment and resentment taking space in what is otherwise a joyous union. Healthy sex conversations to help you keep it hot, right from the start! Check out our sponsors! Uberlube is the best lubricant on the market! Laurie has been recommending it to her clients for over 20 years. Order at uberlube.com with the code foreplay! Foria has sex oils that enhance a woman's orgasm! The reports from Laurie's clients give Foria's products 5 stars. Go to Foria for 20% off at foriawellness.com/FOREPLAY or use code FOREPLAY at checkout to receive 20% off your order. Green Chef overs tasty and healthy meals for all the different lifestyles: Keto, Paleo, diet, etc. Great meals that are easy to prepare. Saves time that you can use for sex! Go to GreenChef.com/foreplay135 for $135 off your first 5 boxes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
"Am I too much? Will I always hunger for this connection?" If these are common questions you've asked yourself while stuck in a negative cycle with your partner you may be a sexual pursuer. Join George and Laurie in today's episode where they discuss new ways sexual pursuers can communicate their needs in Stage--2 of EFT. In Stage 2 the couple is aware of their negative cycle and understanding of the good reasons they have been missing each other. Stage 2 is the creation of a positive cycle that is focused on understanding, connection and expression of needs. The work of the sexual pursuer in Stage 2 is to soften the expression of those needs--rather than using criticism to express the felt rejection, working towards expressing with vulnerability. George and Lauri's role play will provide reassurance that new conversations and getting needs met are possible as couples are working together against the cycle in a new cycle that fosters closeness and connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We've discussed the negative sexual cycle couples get stuck in and highlight just how important it is to name and tame it. As EFT therapists we know that de-escalating the cycle is the first step in moving partners from fighting one another to fighting the cycle together. In today's episode we are talking about Stage 2 in EFT and the creation of a new, positive cycle. [Insert episode link] In stage two, the cycle is de-escalated, partners feel more on the same team and there is safety to begin exploring and expressing needs and longings to your partner. George and Laurie role play the needs a sexual withdrawer might have and the new moves they make to share with their sexual pursurer. In the role play, George comes away with three possible moves for the newly reengaged sexual withdrawer: permission to not be interested in sex tonight, reassurance if they struggle during sex and celebration if they are successful. If you are a sexual withdrawer you definetely want to listen to this episode. And pursuers, we didn't forget you at all! We see how hard you work for the relationship and thank you for your patience. As you hear Laurie say, "Don't tell me to calm down!" We'll be back next week to talk all about pursuers in Stage 2!
Don't forget to join us on October 28th at our Great Love, Great Sex virtual couples retreat. Register at www.foreplayrst.com under the resources tab. We can't wait to see you there!
Check out our most excellent sponsors! Green Chef -- if you are busy like George and I are, Green Chef is for you! Rather than scrounging for something to eat in the pantry and ending up ordering out for pizza, Green Chef sends you what you need for great, healthy meals. They have vegan, Paleo, and other specialized meals that taste great! Dine like you have your own privat chef. Go to https://www.greenchef.com/Foreplay135 and get $135 off your first 5 boxes and your first box ships free!
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OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We’ve talked about the cycle before and we’re talking about it again. This time we explore what EFT calls Stage 2. Why? because after de-escalating conflict there’s more to do to get closer with your partner! Join Laurie and George for this episode to understand how your moves and your partners moves impact one another and the deeper, unseen meanings they have. When we start to understand the good reasons we are missing each other there is opportunity to connect. Does your partner’s criticism represent their hope for the relationship? Does their silence mean they are trying to keep the pressure low? Hear how we flip the script to help you keep it hot!!
Hey therapists, do you need help understanding and de-escalating the sexual cycle for your couple clients? We hope you’ll meet us on March 3 & 4th 2023 (date change) for our training on this topic.
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What is your body communicating? During one of our most essential episodes, Laurie and George discuss the value of bringing attention and awareness into our bodies. Emotions show up physically and send out signals. It’s been reported that anger often shows up as a headache, anxiety as tension in the chest and throat, sadness as a caving in sensation, happiness as a whole-body warmth. When partners have more awareness of what shows up physically they increase their ability to slow down in the face of conflict and also connect more with their sexual selves. Bringing the body on board reflects our holistic mission to integrate the mind, heart and body.
Try this exercise today to tune into what your body is communicating to you: Sit comfortably, find stillness and recall a time when you felt hurt/shut down/rejected by your partner. Where does that show up on your body? Now recall a time where your partner turned to you during pain/comforted you/expressed how meaningful you are to them. Slow down and notice what is there. Let us know in the comments what you observed. We’re right on this journey with you! Keep it hot and get into the body!
Join Laurie and George for their Great Sex, Great Love virtual retreat on October 28th. Partners can expect to learn more about listening to what your body is saying and how to share it with your love!
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The million maybe billion-dollar question: how do we increase low sexual desire in women? Laurie and George discuss what is shutting down sexual desire in women. George gets it right by saying women often put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. And Laurie discusses their disconnection to their own sexual needs. Click on the link below to hear Laurie and George address blocks to sexual desire and their lifelike roleplay of how this affects a couple’s dynamic. Laurie puts on her therapist hat and the work is pure magic! Sexual withdrawers will feel so validated listening to this episode.
Check out our sponsor OMGYES.com for fantastic information about how to get her to climax. Tastefully crafted information that is research-based and rock solid. Visit omgyes.com/foreplay for more information! Don’t forget to join us on October 28th for our Great Sex, Great Love virtual couples retreat. If your relationship is good but needs some extra attention or you and your partner want to learn how to deepen your sexual connection, we hope to see you there! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Listen to a caller who leaves us a message about her husband telling her he thinks she’s too heavy to be attractive. Laurie and George work through their own reaction and anger at this painful message to our listener. We question the narrowness of her partner’s focus on a minimal change (she’s young and fit) as opposed to having a broader view of eroticism that includes her body, her spirit, her heart, and her mind. If you ever wanted to hear George get hot under the collar with pursuer energy and righteous anger.. here’s a good episode.
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So many women seem to just give up on sex. Maybe they reach menopause and they’re done with sex. Or maybe well before menopause , she and her partner haven’t gotten through to each other and sex stops. Orif sex continues, she just is unengaged. How can something that feels so good be relegated to such a low/no priority? Here’s why.
Females who don’t want to have sex are often stopped in 3 areas:
the relationship - especially lack of communication,
worry areas – disgust about certain sex acts, poor body image, or fear about not pleasing their partner
pleasure – loss of interest when she doesn’t climax or experience pleasure
George and Laurie discuss these areas and role play an initial conversation as a couple talking about her sexual blocks. Visit ZocDoc.com/FOREPLAY to get the free app in order to find the best doctors, in the specialty you need, with the insurance you have closest to your neighborhood! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In our world with its focus on physical perfection, we all have aspects of our body which we criticize, and even avoid looking at in the mirror. These critical thoughts can intrude before, during, and after sex, diminishing our ability to be in the moment with our partner. We talk through this thorny issue as an example of how to begin to address it with your partner.
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Oral sex - you like it. You don’t like it. What works. What doesn’t work. Laurie and George talk about it all. They role play a couple who gets stuck in retaliation - if you don’t go down on me; I won’t go down on you. Then, they demo how a couple might talk to help each other work through their difficulties with oral sex.
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She needs more foreplay and he doesn’t wanna lose his erection. Women need a slow patter of arousal to reach the best climax. Men when they’re on sildenafil (viagra, etc.) need to use their erection - soon. This is a familiar dilemma for couples in their 50s. George and Laurie role-play a couple who learns how to talk about this problem.
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Libido is shared between the couple. The pursuer afraid of being rejected, almost starts every initiation with an edge of criticism. So the sexual moment starts the partner off without even being given much of a chance at feeling desire. In our case example, she’s not turned on because she hears the edge and then she’s blamed. On the flip side is a lack of engagement. The withdrawer can nearly erase the whole idea of sex because it’s safer. But unfortunately this sends the purser a message that they don’t care. And send the pursuer the whole responsibility for the sexual relationship.
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In most of our episodes, we use the emotional and sexual cycles to bring coherence to the issues that plague committed relationships. We wanted to explore and summarize the emotional and sexual cycles in one condensed episode. Many couples feel like they are facing unique, specific troubles, when the reality is, these relational upsets are all manifestations of the underlying sexual and emotional cycles. A clear understanding of how these cycles power your relational upsets provides an avenue for hope and change; rather than dealing with hundreds of different issues, you and your partner can team up to clarify the cycles and understand your partner better. Please check out our sponsor Foria! Their Awaken Arousal Oil and Intimacy Sex Oil (both with CBD) help relax you and heighten your orgasm and sexual pleasure. Laurie recommends these great products and you can get 20% off your first order by going to Foria’s website and using the coupon code Foreplay. Attention all therapists! Join Laurie and George in North Texas August 12 & 13 for a 2-day training on integrating sex therapy and attachment theory. We’re tired of Zoom meetings and are so excited to be with colleagues in person to train and have fun! Go to www.northtexaseft.com/upcoming-events or click the link below to find out more. Great Love Great Sex for Couples- Integrating Sex Therapy and Attachment Theory Training for Therapists Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
There can be so much disappointment even shame when a couple is in a sexlessness marriage. Couple can tune out and shut down their need for flesh on flesh and over time it gets harder and harder to get back. They don’t know how to repair or even talk about normal failure and so they ignore the failures. This doesn’t happen just with aging. It’s people who resign themselves to not talking about it and both withdraw. George and Laurie talk about how to get back in bed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Laurie and George define secrets as issues, fantasies or alliances that block connection. We certainly have a right to privacy and sometimes our private erotic thoughts makes our world sexier and makes us more available to our partner. Certainly some people choose and open marriage but they do it with… openness. we think talking about your fantasies or actual affairs with your a partner while incredibly difficult makes it possible for YOU not to be carrying the guilt of a secret that you find unethical and against your promise.
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“I’m just not attracted to you anymore.” - OUCH!!!I Sounds like a showstopper doesn’t it? But Laurie and George have hope for you to get it back. We use our favorite acronym BEST SEX Conversations - to explore why people might lose attraction for the partner they’ve committed to and some ideas about getting it back. We go through the primary areas of sexual attachment from a holistic viewpoint to discover what is causing lack of attraction. Then we offer ways you can feel the gas - how to increase the turn-ons! and then we talk about ways to release the brakes on the things that turn you off.
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Confidence is essential for a great relationship. But how to you grow in confidence if you've lost it or never had much of it? Confidence is the end result of a string of successes. We discuss moves you can make to help yourself -- and your partner -- build their confidence by how you interact, particularly in the difficult conversations. Learn new moves to help you be successful -- and grow your confidence. Check out our sponsors: Blue Chew -- use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get your first month free (with only $5 for shipping)! Manscaped -- the Performance Package 4.0 is here! Great grooming products for 'down under'! Coupon code 'foreplay'. Uberlube -- Our favorite silicon lubricant to make everything smoother! Use coupon code foreplay for a discount! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Most of us grew up not talking about sex. But the more detailed you get, the more power you can have to change things. Go play-by-play and have more choice and agency about shaping your experience and connecting with each other. One woman’s grimace during oral sex or another person’s turning of their head during sexual intercourse send messages to their partner that in our example are indeed misinterpreted. Knowing exactly what happens - the detail- helps the couples discover what is really going on. A look, a certain touch, a sigh may turn us on. Or these very same actions can be misinterpreted We can get triggered into the negative cycle. Join Laurie and George as they talk about getting down to the nitty-gritty details when you counsel someone or when you communicate with your partner.
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Everyone wants to feel desired certainly. But the research shows that for women - being desired, hearing their partner's verbal admiration and open "want" - is very important to their turn on. When men are dating they instinctively know how telling their partner how sexy they look, sending flirty messages, giving their partner longing looks - tells her she's hot! George and Laurie talk through the shut down to this process and encourage men to go for it again.
couples #eft #sexpodcast #marriage #desire #secureattachment
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Touch is vital for intimate communication. We learn so much with touch - pleasure, safety, exploration and curiosity! So often we don’t put it into words and then we find ourselves in intimate relationship with a partner without really explaining what we need and want. For instance, tickling may be fun and erotic or triggering. There are lots of ways me might miss each other in the conversation but Laurie and George explore people’s reservations and offer ideas of how to communicate about intimate touch better.
EFT #Couples #Marriage #Sex #SexPodcast #SecureSexualAttachment
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We’re talking about good-enough responding - responding to our partner in ways that keep us connected even when we disappoint them. Think about when a withdrawer finally comes forward; while their pursuing partner may long for whatever they’re offering, the same pursuer most likely feels doubt and mistrust about the sincerity of their withdrawing partner or the evidence that this is a start of a change pattern. George is so confident that mistrust is going to be present at this stage - he calls it a natural part of the change process. So of course - the pursuer doesn’t reward their withdrawer with success for initiation and guess what? - the withdrawing partner backs away. Fail. But what if there were a way to find a secondary target, a secondary path to stay connected. George and Laurie discuss how you can target a lesser but important target (other than true responsiveness); you can give permission for you partner’s defensive/protective move - you can let them know it makes sense to you. As hard as it seems to do, validating your partner’s defense actually helps them feel seen by you and keeps you in connection.
Wanna spice it up? What have you fantasized about doing? It takes vulnerability to tell each other about ideas for novelty and change. Are you willing to risk? Laurie and George talk about how couples choose to spice things up - ways that novelty can be gas petals or brakes for different couples often dividing the couple themselves. Porn, gummies, alcohol, vibrators, handcuffs, feathers, etc… and other toys might add to arousal or block connection! Knowing that you’re gonna have a glass of wine, you’re gonna loosen up, you’re gonna feel less inhibited…. some of it is simply the ritual, the getting ready, looking forward to a bit of change that can create a little fun.
Is it worth it to accept something that your partner wants to give you sexually instead of holding out for what you really want? Is something better than nothing? Laurie and George use a tried and true EFT principle called "slicing it thinner" - find a way to help your partner get closer to what you want without them losing themselves or feeling compromised.
Would you just love to go for a walk with Laurie and talk about sex? Well, on this episode, L invites all of her girlfriends out there to talk about all the stuff - hacks to conquer menopause, how to use a vibrator and what to do if his erection fails. Join in for some girl talk!
The million dollar question! (for pursuers) how do you get someone to pursue their own pleasure. In our Q&A, Laurie and George see a reader’s point. For so many reasons it works better when your partner is engaged sexually - they supply desire that fuels the sexual fun, it’s a turn-on to see your partner in uninhibited abandon plus it takes the pressure off from always having to initiate. But there’s a flip side that is often dynamic.
Lovemaking, maintenance sex, icebreaker sex, the 5-minute window, RED HOT sex, and scheduled sex - all have their merits. Compliments of our friends' blog @thehappymarriageau, George and Laurie riff on these six modes of sex - what they're good for, what the drawbacks are and how connected relationships might make use of all of them. Please follow @thehappymarriageau and us as well on insta @Foreplay_radiosextherapy. And find some fantastic lube at Uberlube.com with 10% off using our coupon "Foreplay."
Keeping connected is easier when we're in green brain - when our brain says we are safe, cared about and even loved - when we can relax, talk, listen with openness. Red brains are escalated, tense, maybe angry or in total shut down. Listen to George and Laurie talk about pulling a partner in red brain into the calm connected place where sex and connection can happen.
FOREPLAY welcomes Emotionally Focused Therapy, founder Dr. Sue Johnson to talk with us about George's driving and the sexual cycle. We laughed together about their early relationship and more seriously about George asking for help after 9/11 with the couples he was seeing and Sue's generous response. Sue gives us a keen example of a uber sexual pursuer and how his needs for attachment drive him even thought his behavior pushes his partner away. Listen up to our discussing with someone who has changed the world with her theory and life's work! For an EFT Therapist or to purchase her bestselling books LoveSense or Hold Me Tight - contact Sue's organization: ICEEFT.com
Listen to this emotional episode to to help the withdrawers in your life. Trained to suppress emotions, withdrawers have decided early in life - it's is not okay to have needs. Their nervous systems don't trust because in the past people haven't shown up for them. Even if their pursuing partner are longing to be close and cover them with their love, their hearts believe others are not safe or dependable. George and Laurie think about the actual words that withdrawers might say when they finally reach out to their waiting partners.
Withdrawers in relationship are steeled against the three waves that come for them... first, they do it wrong for their pursuing partner, next it's their fault for withdrawing and third, they really are nothing after all. Can you see why it makes sense not to engage? If all you get when you engage with your partner is ultimately the knowledge about being not good enough, maybe unloveable - it's soo much better to stay distant. Laurie and George talk about the different strategies that withdrawers use to stay as far away from failing as they can.
We want to help pursuers get what they need and then take it into their hearts when it finally comes their way. We know there can be mistrust when a withdrawer at first tries to understand and meet the pursuer's need. Your longing for attention, engagement or sex has left you in fear of always feeling this way. It makes sense that when your withdrawer starts to come forward that you would have serious doubt about their intentions and authenticity. But Laurie and George want to set up both partners for a better reconnection. Please support our sponsors: Uberlube.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off
This is George and Laurie's love letter to those pursuers out there! We see how hard you work. Male or female, sexual or emotional pursuer. We see your good intentions. We see your longing for your partner. We know you are working hard at doing it right and often are only criticized when you blow it. But we are sending love and encouragement. Hang in there.
George says the value of my hour is equal to the value of your hour! Laurie says if there are big inequities in responsibility between couples - there's gonna be big problems in the bedroom! Hear G and Laurie exclaim over how important it is to get FAIRPLAY before FOREPLAY is possible. We know so many couples fight about this and we know it's so important to straighten this out in order to keep the bedroom hot!
We promise fidelity in marriage - a promise of an erotic life with our partner. So what gets in the way? Why do people joke that marriage is where sex goes to die? George and Laurie believe facing the discouragement that couples might feel, is better than settling for low engagement. They explore how men and women may stabilize each other and destabilize each other at different points - in the emotional and sexual cycles. It's complicated and George and Laurie dig in! #couplescounseling #couplestherapy #vulnerability #marriage #anxiety #foreplayradiosextherapy #sextherapy #withdrawer #lovequotes #marriagetherapy #EFT #couplescounseling #marriageadvice #insecurities #intimacy #communication #sex #sexuality #coregulation #marriagecounseling #pursuer #attachmenttheory #EFTtherapist #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #couples #secureattachment #pursuerwithdrawer #attachment #emotions Please help support the podcast by purchasing the best lubricant out there - Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!
Our Q&A - What happens when you can’t orgasm during intercourse like you used to? George and Laurie come up with many different ideas about what might be happening and techniques to help our listener. A listener doesn’t think Laurie gets hookup culture and why orgasm isn’t always the focus. Here’s to a deeper look at what people might be looking for. Heartbroken over her partner’s rejection due to herpes, we help a listener come to terms with what she needs to do. Please support us at the podcast and get slippery, slick sex by using Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for 10% off!
We all have scripts that have been handed down. Our families have told us how we are to behave sexually. Gender roles proscribe the way we should act in the bedroom. Our culture tells us what makes us valuable in sex. Let's examine these scripts instead of just unconsciously following them. Free yourself from scripts that might have outlived their purpose! Welcome special guest - Dr. James Hawkins from the postcast: The Leading Edge! Please check out Uberlube.com/Foreplay for the slickest, slipperiest sexual experience. And support the podcast!
Are you tired of having the same fight over and over? Would you like to discuss things without triggering your partner. Can you imagine that underneath your partner's defense lies a hurt and even below that a need? George tries to help make it simple, in a nutshell there are three parts to how we react in a conflict - our protection, our hurt, and our need Together Laurie and George make sense of defensiveness and role play a different way to reach each other. Please find the best lubricant on the market @ Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!!!
What happens to sexual desire after marriage? Everything can change! Men are usually sexually consistent throughout the dating process and marriage. Women, on the other hand, are statistically more likely to switch from sultry to celibate after the wedding cake digests. Even women who were sexually engaged throughout the dating process can fizzle out once they embrace married life. For husbands, the switch can be confusing, and so in this episode, we will try to iron out a bit of that confusion by digging into what it is about marriage that dampens sexual desire. Research concludes that in dating and early partnership, what secures a woman emotionally is male sexual desire. Women rely on this primal sense from men that creates a feeling of being wanted. As far-fetched as it sounds, in early partnership, the man’s relative emotional availability is not meaningful in making her feel secure. What makes her feel secure is his sexual desire for her. In short, male desire drives female desire, but unfortunately, desire also has enemies. While it’s easy to blame marriage, the byproducts of marriage–time and togetherness–are the real villains. Listen as we talk about the real reasons for the shift in desire after marriage! “Being desired is the best sexual orgasm for women.” – Meredith Chivers, Canadian sex researcher
What does your orgasm feel like? An orgasm is so powerful – It’s almost indescribable! In this episode we talk about how to put words to it! And give you tips on how to talk about orgasms with your partner. Laurie and George also open up about what their own experiences are like… Practicing what we preach – VULNERABILITY! If your partner asked you to describe how an orgasm feels in your body, could you do it? Would you do it? It's difficult to find the words to describe the feeling and to explain what the body experiences during sex. Sex is, after all, a non-verbal language. However, that doesn't mean we should resign to remaining non-verbal about sex. Working through the discomfort of such an intimate conversation can improve the quality of our sexual encounters and, subsequently, our romantic connections. If you're ready to talk about the big O, we have 5 open-ended questions you can use to keep the conversation flowing smoothly while improving the emotional connection you have with your partner. The conversation isn't meant to put pressure on either of you. The ultimate goal of sex is pleasure and connection, not orgasm. Instead, it's intended to open the door to communication. It's a way to explore how orgasms work and don't work while encouraging intimacy. As the saying goes, "communication is lubrication."
A person’s sexual history is profoundly revealing. Those who have attempted to discuss sexual histories with their lover know the conversation can elicit different emotional reactions. It can be awkward to ask your partner about their past or have your partner ask you about your sexual past, but the outcome of braving such a conversation is stronger intimacy. Join George and Laurie as they get beyond numbers and into curious questions. Find success in discussing sexual histories, learn about your partner's accelerators and brakes. Caveat: use caution if your partner is a jealous person. Please checkout the best lubricant on the market: Uberlube.com with the coupon code FOREPLAY for a discount!
Not fair. Women have less orgasms than men; Laurie and George talk about the disturbing stats. Why is this happening? Do men still not know how a woman gets aroused and reaches orgasm? Are we as parents and a culture teaching young women and men about what a female bodies might need? Women are socialized to give instead of to get. And men are more shaped to get what they need. George volunteers that women also need "fairplay" not just foreplay.
How do we heal the pain created by reaching for our person and finding they aren’t there? We’ve all experienced hurt and disappointment in relationships. When a healthy attachment is present, the pain is acknowledged, and you move past it together. However, when there’s an attachment injury, the process of moving forward is blocked... Dr. Sue Johnson defines an attachment injury as a “feeling of betrayal or abandonment during a critical time of need.” If our lover isn’t there for us in those moments or doesn’t show up, it’s incredibly painful, and our bodies are smart enough to avoid future pain. The pain we experience in these moments is sent to our limbic system. In response, our limbic system releases stress hormones, alerts our amygdala to danger, and embeds a message in the hippocampus that says, “Do not depend on this person again.” The good news is that it’s never too late to heal an attachment injury! The body and the brain stand outside of time. Our bodies hold memories, and we can go back to them and heal them now. While you can’t change what happened, you can change how you feel about what happened, which can change everything. Let’s talk about HOW to heal these attachment wounds… together.
Let’s talk about all things smooches! Types of kissing, “good” and “bad” kissers, what a kiss means to you… Labeling someone as a “good” kisser implies a one-size-fits-all technique, but in reality, we don’t have good and bad; we have compatible and non-compatible kissers. Kissing is a matter of preference, attraction, attunement to your partner, and perhaps even genetics. Once we become sexually active, we often throw kissing into the foreplay category and give it little thought, but kissing can be the end game. Kissing doesn’t always have to lead to sex! Kissing can be exciting, and my challenge to you is to let it stand alone. Spend a day making out with your partner and explore how that feels together! Communication is, not surprisingly, key when it comes to kissing. Does your partner prefer wet kisses or dry kisses? A hot and heavy makeout or soft and slow caress? Do you like to be touched while kissed? Where and how? The bottom line is that you don’t know what your partner wants and they don’t know what you want unless you talk about it. When we explore kissing with our partner, we learn to dance together, and we learn to enjoy the kiss!
Shame and disgust are heavy words that inhabit dark places, but we can't avoid dark places if we want to experience the highs a relationship can provide emotionally and sexually. The power of shame is in secrecy. We don't want to show our shame. We don't want to be rejected, so we lock away parts of ourselves and pray that no one sees us. The irony is that the antidote to shame is connection and empathy, gifts we can only receive when we allow others to see us. Within the sexual cycle, shame takes many forms. We might feel shame over what we've done, over things that have been done to us, or over our desires and fantasies. Many feelings of shame and disgust are rooted in our childhoods (or trauma). If one partner brings up a new sex act and their partner has a huge reaction of disgust, it can create deep shame for simply bringing it up or even disgust at one's self for having "such" ideas, further fueling the shame cycle. So how do we close the gap and find attunement within this mismatched experience? The answer is communication. Listen as Laurie and George roleplay and show you how to have these conversations with your partner – with safety.
Let's talk about five primary emotions: joy, fear, anger, sadness, shame, and disgust – feeling all of them is important, especially with your partner. Emotions are the language of the body. They say, "pay attention, something's happening!" But so often we don't pay attention, choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to disconnect... We may have been raised in homes where anger was expressed in an unhealthy way, joy covered by a wet blanket, or shame used to control and manipulate our behavior. Regardless of how our childhoods taught us to relate to emotions, we can rewrite the script by creating healthy emotional attachments and responses. While there are many tools we can use to do that, in this episode we're going to talk about co-regulation and co-creation ("CoCo.") And learn how to share and navigate emotions together. If your loved one is excited, you match their excitement. If your loved one is angry, you honor their anger. Co-regulation is not co-dependency. Co-regulation does not say, "I feel happy only if you're happy." It says, "You feel happy, and I'm happy for you." Co-regulation allows the witness to be there for their partner while also honoring their own emotions. Most of the time, people don't understand the emotion they're in, and they need someone to support them in a curious and non-judgemental way. Co-creation allows partners to act as witnesses for each other. By asking questions and being present, the witness can help the emoter explore and deepen their understanding of their feelings. Listen to learn how to apply 'CoCo' to your relationship and create positive shifts in your emotional and sexual cycles!
Let's use the 3 road analogy to discuss the sexual and emotional cycles: the High, Middle, and Low Roads. Research highlights the importance of navigating all three roads for relationship success. The question is, how do we navigate them? We’re putting all the pieces together in an exercise that will challenge your relationship and open the door to communication. Balancing the High, Middle, and Low Roads within your relationship will require a conversation that isn’t for the faint of heart. In your relationship, attempting such a pointed conversation will probably come naturally if you are the Emotional Pursuer. If you’re a Withdrawer, channel your inner Simon Cowell while expressing what you need to feel safe within the conversation. After all, clarity is kindness. Listen to hear our 5 exercises that will engage you and your partner, and explore how each of you show up in the relationship!
EFT (or Emotionally Focused Therapy) walks couples through a de-escalation process, but what sets EFT apart is Stage Two. The second stage of EFT focuses not on “what’s wrong” but on making things right in the relationship. Laurie and George celebrate as Laurie becomes certified in EFT and both thank Dr. Sue Johnson for the amazing gift of this therapy model! In sex therapy, we discuss emotional patterns, but we also understand the interdependency between sex and emotions. One isn’t more important than the other, and when leveraging patterns to create lasting change, the sexual cycle can’t be ignored. When the sexual pursuer learns to communicate from a place of vulnerability, the withdrawer feels a release of pressure that allows them to draw closer to the pursuer, which is ultimately what they both want... In stage two, couples learn to replace the negative cycle with a positive cycle. They create “new moves.” The “new move” script in this episode is about compassionately sharing and accepting each other’s needs. By integrating these new moves into your relationship through better communication, you can continue to grow in sex and love… Listen as Laurie & George talk you through a success script for addressing the sexual/emotional cycles in your relationship!
How do you initiate in the bedroom? ;) George and Laurie explore (and joke!) about 5 different initiator styles: Seduction, Touch, Emotional Connection, Sex Talk and Power Play. Which way do you like it best? Which way does your partner like it best? Does seduction begin with the way you drink your coffee in the morning like it does with Laurie? Are you missing each other because of a style difference?
Both Yin and Yang are needed for our sex lives to flourish. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Partners in relationships can both be dominant in one type, but we most often see opposites attract. When Yang dominates a relationship, sex can be passionate at first, but eventually, this gives way to dissatisfaction as the emotional component of the relationship is ignored. You might see resentment and frustration manifest toward the Yin partner and an inability to be vulnerable. On the other hand, when there's too much Yin, the relationship is sexless. If there is no initiator, there is no sex. When sex does occur, it's described as "boring" as Yin lacks creativity and sensuality. Combining Yin and Yang in the bedroom requires honoring our evolving natures. The balance of Yin and Yang is ever-changing because people are ever-changing. In the bedroom, that means honoring and asking, “Where am I now? Where is my partner now? What do I want now?”
Touch, smell, sound, taste, vision... Which senses cause you sexual "blocks?" Perhaps touch feels unnatural, painful, or irritating. Maybe you are self-conscious about the way you smell and aren't comfortable with letting your partner go down. Or maybe some sounds or things your partner says turns you off... Moving past these requires communication with your partner. Start by sharing your "blocks" with your partner. Explore what you don’t like, explore what you do, and share when you’re ready.
Laurie and George discuss the 'still-face' experiments and how that shows up in the bedroom. Still face – a look on our partner's face that spells d i s c o n n e c t i o n! Based on the seminal work by Ed Tronick, George and Laurie look at what this might mean when we see still face when we're making love to our partner. We have to get curious about what is going on for the partner giving the still face. Could be their face actually is showing their performance anxiety, or going inward with their focus to try and get aroused. Maybe they don't realized that they've given their partner a message that they've disappeared. For the partner observing, we understand it can be unnerving. Maybe it feels rejecting or maybe this partner worries that it's a reflection on their bedroom skills. Listen as Laurie and George suggest ways to get curious and open up a conversation about still face. Please support us and get us a 10% discount by using the coupon FOREPLAY at Uberlube.com!
Sex and emotions—there’s a delicate balance between the two, an overlap that can’t be ignored. Emotions can enhance sex or inhibit sex, and sex can enhance emotions or inhibit emotions. Borrowing concepts from the attachment theory, we dive into how sex and emotions intertwine by exploring the role of the Pursuer and Withdrawer... Great episode for EFTers – So important for therapists to know how to leverage the sexual attachment cycle in order to get change in the emotional attachment cycle and vice versa! While we don’t always fall neatly into a cycle, there is always a cycle, some level of interdependence. This interdependence can shift as patterns and is not concrete. A Pursuer can become a Withdrawer, or you might find that you were a Pursuer in an old relationship and a Withdrawer in your current relationship. The patterns are not your personality; they are a response to the complexity of sexual and emotional connections. Understanding yourself and your partner requires intention but a balanced connection is worth the effort.
What can we learn from Hollywood about balancing sexual 'yin and yang'? In this episode, we'll focus on sensuality as a pure act of giving, and on the importance of balance between the yin (sensuality) and the yang (assertiveness) of sex. Shifting from yang to yin asks us to unravel our unrealistic views of sex, and Hollywood occasionally provides the perfect how-to guide. Let's talk about three movies with scenes that perfectly capture yin sensuality... The movies we discuss all focus on men performing sensual acts for women – but ALL genders crave sensuality. A back scratch, a hair massage in the shower, an affectionate touch in the middle of the day, all of these efforts allow the mystery to unfold between partners. Focusing on the mystery is focusing on the journey – which is where endless possibilities unfold...
Want to explore new moves with your partner, but don't know how to ask? How can Pursuers approach and encourage their Withdrawer partner to open their mind to new things? Pursuers can get discouraged themselves after being rejected time and time again; They assume it is a hopeless attempt and stop trying, eventually resulting in pain, distance, and resentment. When we want variety or want to suggest something new to our partner, energy and enthusiasm can carry the day. When there is reluctance, a Pursuer needs to resist the wish to fall back and at least bring their heart and passion. On the flip side, the partner receiving the request can really support their partner’s vulnerability at asking, with encouragement and responsiveness. Unfortunately, when a sexual Withdrawer is the suggester, it can feel like just a drop in the bucket compared to all that has been longed for. Instead of receiving the new suggestion with grace and gratitude, it often becomes an opportunity for the sexual Pursuer to complain and feel disappointed. In order for Withdrawers to feel safe enough to initiate or try new things, Pursuers must acknowledge their effort and vulnerability – no matter how "small." Pursuers – in order to open a conversation about sexual variety, ask your partner what THEY want and need, and tell them what YOU want and need. With your heart and deep vulnerability.
All of us have struggles communicating, and these struggles often seep into the bedroom. As sex and couples therapists, we often run into couples who avoid talking about sex and sexual needs. Instead, they defer to an avoidant-style habit that can be a sex life killer: making assumptions. When we make up stories about our partner, it kills the curious drive that creates sexual magic. When we assume our partner knows what we want, we forfeit the possibility of getting our needs met. People make up stories and assumptions for understandable reasons. They do it to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. They do it because they don't want to hurt their partner, make them feel insecure, or because communication wasn't received well in the past. But no matter the reason, we can't stop trying. The cost of not sharing is so much worse! Let's talk about some practical solutions to breaking the habit of assumption, and talking explicitly to get better sex.
Where were you on 9/11? We all remember. It's been 20 years. Most of us were stunned, watching the twin towers fall, but George was with the FDNY rushing to Ground Zero, following his training, following his instinct to get people out of there. Listen up as he shares about the worst of times -- the horror of the day and months to come, searching for people who were still alive and finding none. And the best of times -- the support and love that people poured out to the first responders, to their neighbors -- the cohesion of a community and a nation united. "There's value in pain if we face it with others." -- George Faller Today, we honor George and all the first responders who ran toward the danger. We send gratitude and peace to Kathy Faller for watching her young husband leave in the midst of chaos, not knowing what would happen and for holding down the fort afterwards. To both of them, we celebrate that in the midst of fear, they could turn towards each other and find comfort. G - we love you! Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing with us. #20YearsLater #911 #FirstResponders #NeverForget #SendingRespect #PrayingForYourPeace #LieutenantFaller #28Truck #BraveHearts #343FireFightersGone #HarlemHilton_Manhattan #HelpingCouples #SueJohnsonTrainsGeorge #DoctorLove
Couples who find themselves stuck in the boring and mundane are often couples who have failed to be vulnerable. George uses a three-road analogy to explain why some couples remain in mediocracy. The High Road—the road of great energy, great sex, vacations, and excitement. The Middle Road—the grind of everyday life. It’s doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and cooking dinner. The Low Road—relationship depth. It’s diving into deep conversations, sharing, and vulnerability. Failure in vulnerability reinforces our opposition to vulnerability and keeps us from exploring the Low Road. We perceive failure when we share with our partners, and they react by trying to fix us (yellow zone), blame us (yellow zone), or shutting down and saying nothing (red zone). Vulnerability contains a sense of danger. When someone is vulnerable, it's important to understand that they are already in the yellow zone. Every couple must face the dilemma of addressing vulnerability. When our fears and triggers arise, if we draw closer to our partners and see beyond our triggers, we can rebalance our relationships.
We always talk about sexual Pursuers and Withdrawers—those who seek sex and those who withdraw from it. Because sexual Pursuers are usually the sexual initiator, they are often facing rejection. Over time they become anxious about initiating. For Pursuers, rejection goes beyond being told “no” when they make a sexual advance. Rejection also happens when they perceive or assume rejection. It may seem unfair but it feels true to the sexual Pursuer. Pursuers are prone to stories from others, past experience, and ideas they tell themselves about what they will happen if they ask for sex. The feelings created by potentially false assumptions are as real as the sting of actual rejection and can leave a pit in their stomach. Couples (Withdrawers and Pursuers) usually have opposite protective strategies which can create psychological, sexual tension and frustration from the negative cycle. How can Withdrawers seek to understand and help their frustrated sexual Pursuer? We’re breaking down 5 ways Withdrawers can protect their partner from rejection!
It is believed that 3-6% of people in the U.S. struggle with sexual compulsion, all genders can be affected. Sometimes sexual activities become compulsive and lead to damaging pattern in people's relationships and work lives. Defining sexual compulsion is best done by identifying certain patterns and behaviors... Some of these include overindulging in porn, loss in interest in sex with their partner, having a "secret" life seeking seeking sexual activities elsewhere, the escalation of risky sexual behaviors, or neglecting responsibilities due to their sex addiction. It’s difficult for many to understand what drives a person into these behaviors, which are clearly antithetical to relationships and how love-making bonds us to our partner. How do we understand and begin healing sexual addiction?
We talk a lot about romance outside of the bedroom, but what does a romantic interlude look like? “I wish my partner were more romantic in bed” is a statement we often hear from women. “Are you kidding me?” is a retort we often hear from men. “I thought we were done with all the jumping through hoops after we got married.” While it is true that many men feel as described, it’s also true that both men and women appreciate romance and thoughtfulness in relationships. Bringing romance to a relationship will differ for everyone but based on our experience, there are 4 important elements for adding spice to the bedroom! Let's break down each of these steps!
In this episode, we explore grief through the lens of sexual intimacy... For many couples, sexual intercourse is a safe space where they can be vulnerable, knowing that they can reach out to their partner and their partner will reach back. No matter what you are experiencing while working through sex and grief, the goal is not to force one behavior or another but to communicate so that you can return to that safe space when the time is right. As therapists, we often see clients who successfully navigate the emotional aspects of grieving while failing to address the sexual side of their relationships. It’s not uncommon for us to work with couples who are not having sex. Often, those couples can trace the loss of intimacy back to a period of grief. It’s understandably a difficult position: How do you maintain a sexual connection with your loved one while honoring the grieving process? Grieving is a complex topic. Sex is a complex topic. Talking about both may seem awkward – but for anyone in a relationship, the reality is, sex and grief will eventually converge. When couples are faced with the terrible loss of a loved one, this conversation can comfort and add to their security with each other when they need it the most. In memory of Mary Louise Faller
Q&A episode!!! We're answering a bunch of different questions from our listeners about the science of attraction, faking it, and how to bring sexy back! What does scientific research say about attraction and desire?? What visuals spark chemistry and the get the erotic mind flowing? Hint: Red is SEXY! Like our Foreplay colors ;) How can you bring passion back to the bedroom when you get a little too comfortable? Couples slip into habits... The key is being intentional, and building anticipation and excitement... These questions... and more! Listen to Laurie and George answer YOUR Q's in this week's episode!
We often use the word "tango" in EFT in context of the cycles, patterns, or feedback loop that couples can get stuck in. How do you change that dynamic? To break free from the negative cycle you have to see the interdependency – it takes effort, vulnerability, and engagement from BOTH partners. Change can't happen without meeting each other halfway! Pursuers and Withdrawers: What are some new moves to help you better understand each other's needs and strengthen your emotional and sexual bond? For both pursuers and withdrawers, acknowledging the attempts of your partner and making them feel heard and seen, is the key to changing the dynamic you are stuck in. You have to protect each other and always reward the vulnerability and risks of your partner!
Affairs devastate the trust and connection in a committed relationship… Although healing after an affair is a delicate process and can feel impossible, we believe that recovery and reconnection is possible! What works best to restore the relationship and trust? Acting out in an affair is often a sign of problems with the person’s life or relationship. A push/pull dynamic can fuel the infidelity… While sexual betrayal strikes at the very heart of commitment, marriages and partnerships can often emerge stronger after an affair. Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller, LMFT as they talk about the causes and how to recover from the pain of infidelity...
We’ve talked about what turns women on… let’s hear about men!! It might not be what you expect... We’re borrowing from Michael Castleman’s insightful research on male libido. Contrary to popular belief about what turns men on – a supermodel, beauty, lingerie… the research actually says there are much bigger, deeper factors. The #1 factor? Desire, feeling wanted. Let’s talk about some of the main factors that impact male libido...
All gas, no brakes!! We're using our acronym B.E.S.T. sex to talk about turn ons and turn offs. What works, and what doesn't work. Body, Emotional, Spiritual, and Thoughts... Use B.E.S.T. to be more intentional and find practical tactics to apply to your relationship. B.E.S.T. sex is all about attunement! When your partner knows what you like, what you need, and how to touch you, that's hot stuff! The best love is when you feel safe, safe enough to take risks and know you'll still be accepting. A big part of great sex is to keep growing together, and the best lovers are vulnerable. We've got some homework for you! Write down your turn ons and turn offs using the B.E.S.T. acronym and share them with your partner!
How can you develop your erotic mind? The BRAIN is the best sexual organ we have! Engagement of the mind is important and developing eroticism can bring new energy into your relationship! Fantasizing about and longing for your partner leading up to the experience itself, builds anticipation - a major turn on. The unknown, “what could happen next?” feeling, common in the dating phase, that can be so exciting. Fantasies fuel arousal; They are great bridges into the moment. Sharing these fantasies with your partner and exploring them together - opens a new door to vulnerability… “What do you like?” “What do you think about?” - Get specific! Reminder: It’s OKAY to fantasize, to let your mind wander… don’t judge your own thoughts, or your partners! Be open to vulnerability and use fantasies as an opportunity for connection. Strengthening your erotic mind will inevitably strengthen your bond and relationship.
Do you feel stuck in the negative cycle? What's not working? Couples usually understand what’s not working, but not what they could do differently. It is difficult for pursuers to understand where their withdrawer partner is coming from... and vice versa. But you are not helpless victims to the negative cycle! There are things you can do; You can control own your new moves. You can learn new ways to approach your partner that recognizes their needs. In this week's episode, Laurie and George teach you new moves— for both pursuers and withdrawers!
When someone is committed to fidelity and their partner absolutely does not want sex—is there any hope? Technically, sexless is considered less than 10x a year—but for some people, there is no sex. Sometimes each partner still has desire but they don’t know how to talk about it. They may even masturbate on their own but feel it’s too complicated to share with their partner. Sometimes the sexual pursuer just gives up and becomes a sexual withdrawer. The danger of a sexless marriage is that the couple may not feel the love of or for their partner and become subject to the temptation of others. They may long for the sexual connection they shared in the beginning; George and Laurie share some ideas about how taking their clothes off again can be safer.
What sexual cues turn women on? Here’s a hint—interest is sexy! 32% of women lack sexual interest, according to a research study by Meston & McCall, “Cues Resulting in Sexual Desire for Women.” The study found that increased sexual cues resulted in increased frequency for females. In this episode, we’ll talk about the many cues that trigger a woman’s desire! Female sexual desire has a more emotional component to it; Women are more externally triggered in relationship factors and setting; connection and presence. What kind of cues increase her desire? Let’s get specific. In this episode, Laurie and George break down the cues from the study: emotional bonding cues, erotic/explicit cues, visual/proximity cues, and romantic/implicit cues. “Cues Resulting in Sexual Desire for Women” (Meston & McCall): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2861288/
In this episode, we’re answering YOUR questions!! We find that the questions can be repetitive because couples are struggling with the same sexual and emotional issues… Let’s talk about a common theme we hear from our listeners: Willing vs wanting. Couples find themselves at a sexual "crossroads" with two options: breakthrough or breakup. How can you avoid the latter and instead find an opportunity to connect on a deeper level both emotionally and in bed? People get separated and divorced… not because they don’t love their partner, but because the distance gets too great. The mistrust gets too great. They become stuck in the negative cycle. But you can BRIDGE that distance and have a breakthrough with higher levels of engagement, more love, and better sex! We love hearing your feedback! Ask us your questions on our website: www.foreplayrst.com/contact
How can you better approach and communicate with your partner about your feelings and needs? Reflect, Evocative Response, Validate... In this week's episode, Laurie and George give you concrete tools and bridging exercises to build your connection and understand each other on a deeper level. R- Reflection - You’re telling me how sex makes you feel alive in your body. E - Evocative response - Can you tell me also what you feel about me in your heart when we have sex? V - Validate - It makes sense that orgasm makes you feel merged with me and kinda one with the universe. Starting these conversations opens the door to vulnerability; The goal is connection, not to solve the problem. When you experience success in that communication, that feeling of connection is what will eventually allow you to solve the problem.
Have you experienced a state of “flow” during sex? What is the correlation between flow and sexual satisfaction? A new research study by Jamea, E. N., McCaskill, L.A., & Needle, R. B. (2021) found that flow proved to be a significant positive predictor of both partner-focused and personal sexual satisfaction. In this episode, Laurie and George talk about how to find this sexual rhythm that will help you fall into each other, lose yourself in the moment, and merge together as one. In general—how do we control happiness and contentment during sex? By entering the zone... Happiness requires a committed, intentional effort. When we become absorbed in a flow: There’s a distortion of time - losing track of time, getting caught up in the present moment A loss of self-consciousness and inner critic Have a beautifully synchronized experience Get in sync with your partner and have passionate, fulfilling, and BETTER sex! Check out the article and research by Dr. Emily Jamea, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/extraordinary-relationships/202103/can-you-experience-flow-state-during-sex
We are keeping HOT this week! Real talk about female pleasure and the clitoris… Discover new techniques to increase pleasure during sexual intercourse. Using research from OMGYES and Laurie’s sex therapist experience, we hear about techniques to try—both physical and psychological—to help your partner experience more pleasure. Women: FEEDBACK is important, so being vocal about what feels good or even showing your partner can help you have better sex and intimacy. In this episode, we’ll discuss 4 techniques from the study: angling, rocking, shallowing, pairing, and kegel squeezes! Explore even more techniques with informative videos and graphics at OMGYES.com. Our listeners get a 10% discount with our link OMGYES.com/foreplay! Research by OMGYES gives insight into how women can increase their pleasure in vaginal penetration. In partnership with Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers, OMGYES has interviewed and surveyed thousands of people with vulvas about what’s made their pleasure better. Everybody is different—What works for you? Finding out what works for other people can help you find NEW things that expand your pleasure. THERAPISTS AND CLINICIANS: This has been such a valuable resource for us to use as sex and couples therapists! We highly recommend it for sex-positive educational purposes, PLUS certified nurses, clinicians and therapists get free personal access—so you can see whether you want to recommend it to clients! All you need to do is email your professional website/profile to therapist@omgyes.com!
Anal play, anal penetration, prostate stimulation or anal sex. While we may feel squeamish about this subject - the anus IS an erogenous zone charged with sexual nerve endings. It's also a body part that from childhood that we've been taught is contaminated and dirty. We may even feel shame about the anus. Especially we might feel shame about our desire to include it in our lovemaking and then never talk to our partner about these ideas. We're not trying to get you to try anything you don't want to try. But George and Laurie are trying to get you to have a conversation about it. We want people to see the opportunity in these vulnerable conversations to share who they are. Even if you don't get what you want, there is something important about knowing yourself and knowing your partner better. If we protect ourselves and don't have these conversations, we ultimately have lower engagement in our partnerships. You can help us by patronizing our sponsors and the products we trust: Uberlube.com with the (-10%) coupon FOREPLAY for the most effective lube on the market! OMGYES.com for excellent instructional videos for female orgasms (doctors and therapists receive free membership by visiting foreplayrst.com) Manscaped.com/FOREPLAY (-20%) - get their new 4.0 Lawnmower! And Addyi.com for pharmaceutical help with female low libido.
Maybe you or your partner is uninterested in or uncomfortable with certain acts, such as oral sex. Both men and women can resist oral sex. What’s holding them back? The turn off could be anything: smell, taste, self-consciousness, discomfort, cleanliness, or fear of failure. But most of these concerns can be mitigated by change! However, some things may be off limits entirely and we have to understand and respect our partner’s boundaries… How do we grieve for sex acts that we want but just aren’t on the table for our partners?
This week we’re talking about erotic blueprints. Like the 5 love languages—but all about sex! We all have different ways that we get turned on… Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and the Shapeshifter. Do you know your dominant style? When partners have different sexual styles, they can be on completely different wavelengths and don't understand what their partner wants. How do you get them talking about it and into flexibility, so that they can meet each other's needs? In a committed erotic life, you have to be willing to meet each other half way. Some of the time, figuring out what your partner's big turn on is and giving them that, keeps it exciting for both of you. How can we meet our partner in a different approach and learn to speak each other's erotic language?
Erectile dysfunction is a common issue and can be caused by a number of reasons such as anxiety, age, medication, and physiological issues. The good thing is, ED is treatable! Anxiety is perhaps the number one reason for ED. Oftentimes the pressure of performing can become overwhelming and cause a disconnect because they are unable to relax. With unrealistic expectations that come from porn and society, men can be harsh on themselves and worry that they aren’t a good lover. Men are hindered from being in the present moment because they are concerned about their performance and focused on the “end goal” being ejaculation. But what is the goal of sex and intimacy? Is it orgasm or deep connection? The goal is to focus on the love and the connection, not the finish line. Focusing on the connection without expectations can be an excellent anecdote for anxiety. If the goal is connection, there is a beautiful opportunity to use vulnerability to come alongside parts of each other that almost never get connection. When struggling with ED, men need reassurance from their partner and know that they will be loved and wanted regardless of the outcome. Learn to let your partner in during these moments and face those fears together, not alone. There is strength in sharing fears and overcoming them together.
What are the blocks that keep us from each other? Withdrawer blocks might look like taking space through laughing, walking away, or being too positive to avoid emotional pain. A sexual withdrawing block might be a headache or being busy. A sexual pursuer block may be angry pressure trying to motivate change or wishing to wake up their partner and drive a sexual action. Laurie and George show the way to see past the block. You don't have to be perfect but you CAN get through blocks. Take George's challenge about what to do with the blocks from your partner! Thanks to our sponsors!! Uberlube.com, OMGYES.com, Addyi.com and Manscaped.com - use our coupon FOREPLAY
Does your partner feel just outside of your grasp? Are you longing for a deeper physical and emotional connection? Pursuers and withdrawers have different needs and fears that need to be heard and understood... What do you long for? Fulfilling each other's needs and desires can bring you closer together, but you have to communicate and create the space for this to happen. Pursuers fear rejection and often feel like they're being "too much." They need to feel wanted and fought for. Withdrawers fear failure of "letting their partner down" which is why they are hesitant to engage. They need to feel acceptance and reassurance from their partner. You have to meet each other halfway... Pursuers—create safety by expressing your longing for both sexual and emotional connection to your partner. Be attentive to their needs and give affirmation of their feelings. Withdrawers—you hold a lot of power and being willing to initiate can go a long way. Meet your partner with excitement and reciprocate a desire for deeper intimacy. When the pursuers longings are finally met, it can be very healing for both partners. Enjoy the afterglow moment together!
How can you navigate the world of online dating and find a partner with the qualities you’re looking for? How can you avoid wasting time on drama and ghosters and find people interested in a similar connection? It’s hard to know much about a person by evaluating their online profile. Most profiles keep it surface level- their hobbies, career, favorite books, etc. But who are they really? What are their values? And what level of commitment are they looking for? When you’re online dating with the intention of finding a partner and real commitment, it can be hard to decipher who is on the same page. And the “swiping” culture doesn’t help with clarity… Physical attraction can become the highest value and maybe you’re basing that first impression solely on their profile picture. Or maybe you’re only looking for casual sex, no strings attached. What’s important is being clear and upfront about your intentions and what level of commitment you’re looking for! Without communicating this, somebody could be hurt. Authenticity will prevent things from getting lost in translation and save everyone’s time. Online dating can be tricky… and putting yourself out there can be a little scary! So, when you set up your online profile, ask yourself: Who am I? What do I need? What qualities are important to me in a partner? What kind of commitment and connection am I looking for? And then, make those values very clear on your profile.
Why is makeup sex so hot?! Emotions are so raw in the moment… and anger can be arousing! The passion is mutual and therefore, even hotter! Energy is high, inhibitions are low, and both partners are present. Distance is created when fighting and the act of makeup sex literally bridges that distance. The most threatening part of a relationship is right before the makeup scene… the riskiness. Which is why the experience of overcoming those fears together feels even better. It’s the mutual affirmation that brings greater connection—which equals greater sex! But how can we skip the fighting and distance altogether and still get this kind of passion in everyday sex?! What risks can you take together that will bring you closer? It’s about being present in the moment together… Maybe it’s going on a high-adrenaline date together like skydiving. Or meeting in a bar as strangers! Even taking emotional risks and revealing vulnerable parts of yourself can be arousing...
Are you always having what feels like the same fight? Does the negative cycle leave you feeling frustrated and angry? Or misunderstood and like you're failing? Can you see what your partner does clearly but not see how what you do is contributing to the problem? George and Laurie use and acronym T.E.M.P.O. to help organize your thinking so you can be less reactive. Getting to know your feelings, what your body is communicating and how you are making sense of it all can give you emotional intelligence. Find the "space" that can change the pattern so you can help each other in these difficult moments and stay connected.
Let’s open the door to the erotic mind of a female…What do women fantasize about? What gets them hot? Not just fantasizing in the moment—but even daydreaming can be exciting. Our minds are designed to wander… Women often turn the switch “on” by thinking about old memories, fantasies, romance novels, movies, etc. These scenarios and thoughts tend to have more of a romantic narrative than men. There can be more emotional connection involved sometimes, but women also fantasize about being “taken” and respond to a man’s powerful, dominating sexual energy! There is no shame in whatever your fantasies may be, and it can be freeing to express those with your partner! If exploring those fantasies together increases your engagement and keeps you present in the moment—it’s a good thing! Creating the safety to have these conversations is a great start that will lead to a deeper connection. In this week’s episode, Laurie shares her perspective on the erotic mind of women with George, and together they break down the themes of female arousal... Please support our sponsors: 10% OFF Uberlube.com with the coupon: FOREPLAY $20% OFF + Free Shipping on Manscaped products with coupon: FOREPLAY OmgYES.com/FOREPLAY Addyi.com/Foreplay
Why do men struggle with expressing their emotions? Often they’ve spent much of their lives learning how to avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs—adhering to values such as toughness, assertiveness, logic, disciple, and confidence. They are trained to feel like expressing their emotions is a “weakness,” making them reluctant to embrace being vulnerable. How can we help men/ emotional withdrawers open up and be vulnerable? As a partner, you can encourage vulnerability by creating safety. A soft approach is important to reassure the withdrawer that they aren’t doing anything “wrong.” Being too pushy can make the withdrawer more defensive and retreat. When initiating a conversation, it should be an invitation—not an accusation. Being vulnerable can take time... so pace it and celebrate the little wins! We want men/withdrawers to embrace the positive benefits of vulnerability to bring deeper intimacy!
What are some of the common sexual "blocks" that women experience? Reservations around the idea of sex can come from a number of things – religious values, guilt and shame, body image and acceptance, or society's perception of female sexuality. These inhibitions can shut down the erotic mind completely... How can females overcome these hindrances and develop a healthier relationship to sex? Listen to this week's episode as Laurie & George answer questions from fans!
Pursuers become burned out after being turned down time and time again... This rejection causes them to lose their confidence and be more cautious. How can men get back their sexy confidence and energy that women crave?! Great sex NEEDS communication! Pursuers have to change their relationship to getting feedback- welcoming it instead of perceiving it as criticism and pushing back. Men need to champion themselves internally with affirmations- talk yourself up, you handsome devil! Take charge like a 21st century pirate- with communication and strong energy! Borrow some mojo from other roles in your life where you do feel confident and in your element! Fantasize about a different, more confident you...Rocky in the bedroom! The pirate, the caveman! Listen to Laurie and George talk about the ways that men can get their mojo back after being shot down...
When sexual pursuers make attempts to initiate sex, they are coming from a good place-- but their method of delivery may not be the best. When their attempts are not reciprocated by the withdrawer, they can feel rejection, hurt, and anger. This is a major dilemma. Pursuers can come across as being critical of their partner if they don’t approach it in the right way. A soft or playful approach is best, and being vulnerable is key for both partners! If the pursuer is brave enough to initiate the conversations, withdrawers need to respond better by matching their partner’s mood. But withdrawers also need affirmation in these conversations - How can sexual pursuers represent themselves and express their sexual needs without pressuring their partner? How can withdrawers listen to their partner and express their own feelings? Listen as George and Laurie keep going back to the drawing board in a roleplay.
In early dating years our partner’s face lights up at the thought of sex, they tell us with their eyes that we make them hot. The gleam in their eyes hits our body, hits our center, hits our being. Feeling that we light up their world is a turn-on! Secure attachment begins with the loving gaze of our mother or parent – cradled in the crook of their elbow – they smile and coo because we are theirs. Later in childhood we know we belong and make our parents proud when we see it in their eyes… not so much for our accomplishments but because we are their son or daughter. In romantic partnership, sexual desire that radiates from our partner’s face and gaze is a powerful reminder of belonging, safety. We revel in being the person who excites our partner. What happens though when our partner is willing to have sex but doesn’t give us that deep reassurance that we are desirable with a gleam in their eye? Can we get it back? How do we tell them what we need from them to turn on? Listen as George and Laurie get through to each other about how sexual desire is tied to being the gleam in our partner’s eyes.
Have you lost your confidence in bed? Anxiety is a sex killer. Whether it’s anxiety over your performance, being vulnerable, being naked, expectations of yourself, or of what sex is supposed to be like… any of these might interfere with pleasure, communication, self-esteem, and connection. This week, EFTers, Trainer Dr. Zoya Simakhodskaya, Ph.D. and Supervisor Michael Moran, LCSW, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, CST join George and Laurie to talk about how playfulness is the antidote to anxiety when making love! Join us, as four sex therapists&couples counselors share how to start with a light, playful mood to shift the energy. Breathe and be powerful in overcoming any root of anxiety in bed. Can’t beat the fun or experience present in this episode as these two experts teach and tell their stories about helping couples change their sexperience from fear to confidence.
How do you feel about having sex during your/her period? There can be a negative connotation to intercourse during a woman's menstrual cycle that goes way back in history. This interpretation of a woman being "unclean" when menstruating is outdated- it's a natural, healthy, and beautiful thing! Even the word "period" makes most men uncomfortable and a topic they tend to avoid. At the same time, women are often taught to not talk about their cycle and are worried about the shame aspect... This is an important conversation to have...often men and women both have some resistance to having sex during her period. But, sex is always messy! We talk a lot about cycles, the pursuer/withdrawer, but how do couples see the menstrual cycle as their cycle? Not her cycle? How can it be something that they they do together and use this cycle to unite? They want to be there for each other when the other is down and not feeling so great... So wouldn't this also be a fantastic opportunity for vulnerability for couples? This is also a great time for non-sexual touching! Hormonal changes during this cycle can make you more sensitive and feel crappy...so maybe she needs more nurturing, comforting, or cuddling during this time! Is this a conversation you've had with your partner?
Premature ejaculation is very common, but also very treatable. It can be caused by a number of things such as performance anxiety, biological factors, early experiences with sexuality, or relationship issues. Sometimes it is related to the way that boys learned to masturbate "quickly" in their teenage years. Both men and women tend to have control over masturbating, but the body can be triggered too early with excitement or fear during intercourse. Things like pornography set up unrealistic expectations for sex and how long it lasts. When in reality, the average intercourse is about 8 minutes! Premature ejaculation averages about 1 minute. This can create certain expectations that men have for themselves which results in pressure and anxiety. This anxiety is often the reason for early climax. With sex, there can too much focus on orgasm, and not enough on intimacy! Being present and focusing on a deeper connection can help. In this week's episode, we'll talk about ways to overcome this problem!
Jump into 2021 with a sense of direction for your relationship! Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about setting intentional relationship goals in 2021.
The point of the holidays is to share love and connection! It's also a great time to spur meaningful conversations! Set aside time to ask each other questions like: What’s your earliest Christmas memory? What is your favorite part of Christmas? What was your favorite gift? What was your worst Christmas and why? What was your best Christmas and why? The simplest of questions can lead to a deeper conversation. Sharing memories and stories can be a great tradition to start! What are some of your favorite holiday traditions?
The holidays are busy for everyone! But you can't forget to make time for your partner... Let's talk about the 5 love languages and ways to express your love during the holiday season. Gary Chapman's five love languages describe how we receive and give love: -Acts of Service -Receiving Gifts -Quality Time -Words of Affirmation -Physical/Sexual Touch Do you know your love language? What about your partner's? We all want to feel loved and appreciated, but in different ways. We may be more responsive to certain love languages than others. But, we need all five! If you put them all together, it gives room for major growth in your relationship. Little reminders can go a long way- simple things like helping wrap presents, taking over chores, sitting by the fire together and watching a romantic movie, telling your partner how much you appreciate them, mistletoe kisses or a massage! Listen to hear our suggestions on how to speak your partner's love language during the holidays.
Originally identified by Freud, the “madonna/whore complex” is the inability to maintain sexual arousal in committed, long-term relationships. It is the split between the softhearted and sexual currents in male desire. Freud wrote “where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love.” Men want to keep the two separate- they desire a sexual partner who is sexy and promiscuous, while they cannot sexually desire the respected partner. Women in particular split themselves- whether it’s the all-giving, loving mother madonna or the fun, sexy party girl. It can be hard to merge the two! The difficulty when you're in a committed monogamous relationship, is this how do we let both parts of ourselves out? And how do we see both parts in our partner. The same applies to women and their conflicting desire for the “caveman/co-partner!” Don’t settle for either/or! How can you have both? Sometimes this requires re-eroticizing your partner, taking risks, and rekindling the lustful side of yourselves. What Freud was missing was...you need secure attachment to make it work! In order to bridge the divide of how to feel safe while also bringing out that lustful side, you need clean ways of communicating that create safety in your relationship. That integration is the key!!
Women who have felt or seen their partner’s anger will not be able to feel his erotic vibe. Sexual pursuers can become demanding when their partner isn’t responding to their attempts at intimacy. Their frustration can keep increasing and eventually boil over and become anger (COVID definitely hasn’t helped with impatience!) While anger can sometimes provide quick change in the short-term, it is not sustainable in the relationship long-term. In the long-term, anger can slowly disintegrate the relationship and feeling of safety. Men and women can both be hot-tempered! However, an angry man can unconsciously frighten a woman by his intensity, strength and size. For a man, moving out of a place of silence into a place of speaking and expressing your feelings is important - the manner in which you do this is more important. Even if you have no intention of physically acting on your anger, it may shut down your partner’s sexy feelings. Hear what Laurie does to respond to a roleplay of George’s anger by 1) not responding in kind 2) being firm and 3) removing herself when the anger reaches the point of abuse.
This one comes at you fast! George and Laurie talk through a variety of sex acts that couples choose to liven things up. No judgements just a curious exploration of what might turn a monogamous couple on and why. With lots of laughter, they talk through where to do it, what you might try, how to reduce some anxiety when trying new things - everything from sexual positions to taking control to role play. If you’d like to receive the list Sexual Variety for you and your partner to talk about - email us at info@foreplayrst.com Help us and join our contest to win from our sponsor Manscape a perfect package by sending us a screenshot of your review on iTunes! Drawing on 12/4/20.
How can you and your partner align your emotional and sexual cycles? We can be on different planets sometimes when it comes to these cycles, but when they align with each other they are more consistent. Finding an intersection between your emotional and sexual cycles requires both partners to take risks. However, you may not recognize each other’s attempts! Sexual pursuers often look for connection through physical touch...they are being vulnerable by initiating. They are trying to make repair without words, but the withdrawer may not see this attempt because they need words. The withdrawer may perceive it as their partner “only wanting them for sex” which can add to the pressure and make them pull away. The pursuer then perceives this as rejection to their attempt for connection. This miscommunication is what causes us to get lost in a negative cycle. When the withdrawer takes a risk to open up sexually and lower their defenses, they are also being vulnerable. Again, flexibility from both partners is key; having the mindset of “let’s see what can happen…” Sex can be a great repair; it can bring you closer together and help you get to a place of connection to then talk about hurt feelings and emotions with each other.
Can willingness replace desire? Are you wanting or just willing to have sex? Sometimes willingness can mean being vulnerable and communicating with your partner about your needs, anxieties, desires, and what you are comfortable with. Simply opening a safe space for conversation can make a world of difference. Both partners want to be heard and responded to simultaneously and that's hard to do when emotions are so prominent. Who is initiating vulnerability and bringing it up? If a withdrawer takes the risk to initiate a conversation or explain their anxieties, the pursuer needs to keep focus on the withdrawer. The way that the pursuer chooses to responds makes a big difference in the outcome. It's not a time to compare your pain, or feelings of rejection, because that will only increase the pressure and their sense of failure. Instead, listen to them, address their hesitations, and make them feel safe. For pursuers, it can be so frustrating when the withdrawer doesn't want to talk, so it's important to voice your appreciation for their vulnerability. Withdrawers, be open to taking a leap! Never force yourself to do something your body doesn't want to- but maybe use willingness as starting point, not desire. Be willing to make love in hopes that your body starts to respond. Take time for pleasure, the goal is to connect and be present with the person you love. Pursuers, this requires patience. Start with the understanding that it may not lead to sex or orgasm and be open to connecting in other ways. This takes off so much pressure for the withdrawer! A strong relationship needs both partners to be willing to be vulnerable emotionally, physically, and sexually. The goal is good enough or resilient sex. This requires lots of flexibility and adaptability!
Mailbag!! George and Laurie answer questions from the Foreplay Fam in this week’s episode! They’re talking all about unrequited fantasies, compromise, and vulnerability. Sexual fantasies are extremely common; in fact only 4% of men and 14% of women report NOT having fantasies. A listener talks about a fantasy of an old lover and not being able to get it out of her head. While this one may be a block to emotional connection, fantasies can also be mined for good information about what turns us on. And some partners feel comfortable and like sharing their sexual fantasies as a way to grow learn and get aroused with each other. Sexual improvement requires vulnerability and willingness to talk about your sexual needs. Discuss with your partner what they are comfortable with and address any of their concerns. Compromise is important in any relationship. While we want people to feel respected sometimes we might do something for tour partner out of love in order to just make our partner happy. It’s all about communicating these things! Listen to this week’s mailbag episode now to hear more of your questions answered! Find our sponsors Uberlube.com and get 10% off with the coupon Foreplay as well as Manscaped ;) - the the "lawnmower" and other goodies for 20% using the code Foreplay!
What should a woman think about a man who doesn't initiate sex much and doesn't even seem to want it? She wonders if he's even attracted to her. Laurie and George explore his mind, heart and body's experience before, during and after sex to see what really goes on, what his secret fears and hidden insecurities are.
What does resilient sex look like in a female? George and Laurie take another look at how a different woman - a sexual pursuer - might answer questions about her experience pre, during & after sex for her erotic mind, her heart, her body and her genitals. It makes sense why she would want to connect sexually when all 4 categories are so high during the sexual experience.
Sex during COVID (still!) - while kids are home, while we're stir-crazy, closeness is feeling claustrophobic; and we've got the big sex killer - stress! Sigh. And the forecast is for .... more home time. Who knew in April we'd be looking at lockdown for a much longer time. Are you bored in bed? Need a bit of encouragement to keep it hot? Here's some help!
Thinking about getting married and want to make sure sex is good and you stay emotionally connected? Never had these important conversations about basic sexual expectations? Set yourself up for success! Couples often believe all of marriage is going to be like George’s example of the “high road” – the great dinners, great sex and good times but we also want couples to have success during the “middle road” – the grind like paying the bills and the low road – dealing with their insecurities and vulnerabilities. Especially, George and Laurie emphasize the importance of learning to talk about sex and direct couples to have the who, what, when, why conversation. If you’ve never had these conversations you can jump right in now and make things better. What so obvious later, needs to be worked out early. Who should initiate? What are you going to do in bed? When is the best time for sex for your energy? Sponsors: Uberlube - get the best personal lubricant at 10% off with the coupon Foreplay! Manscaped - special male grooming packages at 20% off with the coupon Foreplay!
George and Laurie talk with Dr. Polly Watson, MD (no relation!) about all the new exciting advances in sex medicine to find out what helps. We discuss the O-shot, hormones, female desire drugs, toys, Scream-Cream; JoyGell, even sex robots for a laugh! Find out what works and what is fun!!
With the average Joe and average Jane so different in their approach to sex and the ways and timing of arousal, what can a couple do to close the arousal gap? Join sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about how to negotiate the differences. Check out our great sponsor Uberlube. Use the coupon code Foreplay to receive a 10% discount!
This week it is Average Jane's turn! Join sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about what the sexual experience for an average woman is and how to improve their sex life! Check out our sponsor Uberlube! Use the coupon Foreplay!
George wants men to have a method to improve their sexual game in 3 zones—pre-sex, during sex and post-sex in 4 different areas: heart, mind, body, and genitals. Twelve variables for guys who like stats to measure their self progress. George gets into specific numbers for the average Joe in each area and has a plan for what they can do if they don't like their own assessment.
As a sexual pursuer, how can you open a conversation with your sexually withdrawing partner? What are some typical questions that pursuers ask and how can they ask them in a better way without being dismissed? Ever asked your partner: What are your sexual fantasies? What turns you on? How do you like to be touched? These questions are often met with an "I don't know" response - and we know it's so frustrating to the sexual pursuer who has planned and thought about them only to be seemingly met with disinterest and rejection. Hear Laurie and George talk about how sexual pursuers can open communication with their partner about sex and reduce the pushing energy that blocks their partner? Open up to curiosity and leave them wanting something more.
Let's talk about “killjoy” – the negative cycle that squashes the love life is so many millions of couples out there and how we can name it, notice it and do it differently. Sexual discrepancies are the most common thing we're going to see over 80% of couples are going to find themselves in a dynamic where one wants more than one wants less. In his marriage, George calls the negative cycle “California" and Laurie calls it “Drowning” with her swimmer husband. But there's something really fun about naming the negative cycle, the merry-go-round Groundhog Day, whatever word you want to come up with. The beautiful thing about doing this is it starts to externalize the problem. The problem isn't Joe. The problem isn't Mary. The problem is the dynamics that they've unconsciously created in this attempt to be with each other. George and Laurie role play a new way of communicating in “killjoy”! Please support us by ordering Uberlube at Uberlube.com with the coupon "foreplay".
Is the orgasm gap fair? Laurie and George don't think so. But it's so natural to feel criticized when your partner tries to tell you what they need; how can we get excited about feedback to change this problem? How often do normal couples have bad sex? George suggests often enough that it's coming for you! (you gotta expect it!) But if you strike out... get back in the game. Do men who worry about their penis size even know what's normal? How big is big enough? What's so special about sex in Finland - what are they getting right for women? We got the stats!
Why do YOU want to have sex? George and I talk about the 5 most frequent motives to get it on! Pleasure, Intimacy, Approval, Coping and Procreation. Each motive can be used in sexually healthy relationship as sex serves many purposes for a couple. Sometimes though some motives fail, like when pleasure is never accompanied by intimacy or when the anxious need from approval doesn't develop into pleasure. Please support us on Uberlube.com/FOREPLAY
Welcome Dr. Emily Nagoski, PhD, fellow podcaster and award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Dr.Nagoski's mission is to help us live with confidence and joy in our bodies! Together, Emily, George and Laurie want to help people have a healthy view of sex and challenge people's assumptions about what they believe and where they get stuck. We all see EFT as a way to help couples deal with the difficult feelings around sex where we often are anxious about hurting our partner's feelings or fearful of being found sexually inadequate. To help us understand desire, Emily tells us about where to find our brakes (all the good reasons not to be turned on... potential threats) and accelerators (everything we think, believe, imagine & touch, taste, smell, hear that has sexual connotations.) Fun topics in this podcast: look at your genitals! (if you want to make friends.) She and George talk about the complicated relationship men have with their penises. Nagoski uses a hedgehog visualization to gracefully accept our feelings around sex. Ever wonder why your body may be turned on but you really don’t want sex? Emily shares the concept of non-concordant sex – when our body’s arousal and subjective sexual feelings don’t align. Please help support our podcast and get a 10% discount on Uberlube's fabulous lubrication - Uberlube.com/Foreplay Find Emily!!!: book - Come As You Are workbook -The Come as You Are Workbook new book!! - Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle podcast - the feminist survival podcast 2020
Knowing that their withdrawal triggers their partner, what can someone who feels attacked or criticized do - other than walking away? Wrestling with themselves and naming their feelings, gives them a moment to feel instead of shutting it down. Recognizing what happens in their body makes some room and space for the withdrawer distress. And becoming curious about their pursuing partners criticism and anger helps them reconnect emotionally.
Men want an engaged partner and frequently ask for communication in bed. Yet, how can a women ask for what she wants without sending the message that she is critical and unhappy? Laurie and George discuss how a woman can offer sex tips so her guy can really be the best in bed for her especially if he is a sexual withdrawer.
Pursuers have beautiful motives to push toward their partners - wanting more connection, more intimacy and more sex. But they often feel rejected and are told they are too much which escalates the cycle. Learn two things that help the pursuer calm down. 1) Remind yourself that you have good intentions to create change. 2) Use an image of someone who made you feel safe - a therapist, parent, grandparent or even of yourself comforting a younger version of yourself. See how taking a wider lens including both peoples vulnerabilities can stop the pursuer-distance cycle. Subscribe to get all the latest episodes! Dedicated to Dr. Jeanne Yorke.
It's so hard to ask for what I want in bed or how to answer what do you want me to do to you sexually. Why? George says we either want to protect our partner from something hurtful and we're avoiding what we feel. But without talking about it, we shortcut that delicious exploration, even the missing spots and getting redirected - that is part of the magic of excitement. Our 4 questions are open-ended and hopefully spark real conversation between you and your lover - even if you've been doin' it forever. Check our our great sponsor Uberlube! Use the coupon code "Foreplay" so that they know we sent you!
Mailbag! - A 49 year-old virgin wonders if it too late for love or if she has lost her mojo. George and Laurie discuss having hard conversations about racism and sex including a listener's feedback. A woman having trouble with physical intimacy after her husband's emotional infidelity.
When we are falling in love, we notice all the positive attractors in our partner. Over time, the inevitable negatives which were there all along become more noticeable. The key to long-term relational connection is to intentionally replicate that focus on the positive attractors over the negative. Check out our great sponsor, Uberlube! Use the coupon code Foreplay to let them know you are a listener!
We all resonate with how sexy confidence is in the bedroom. But how do we get it back when we've been repeatedly rejected? Or how do we love ourselves and our imperfect bodies when a critical voice inside our heads screams about our flaws and jiggly thighs? Listen to George and Laurie talk through the ways that can get our game on! Visit our sponsor Uberlube. Use coupon code "Foreplay"!
George and Laurie add their hearts to the conversation about racism. We need to have the conversations that are uncomfortable. If we're marginalized, we have to protest - the rage and anger makes sense. As a former first responder, it breaks George's heart to see the men watching the murder of George Floyd. Where were their feelings? Shut down. Blocked. Trained to be closed. If we can train people to shut down their feelings we can train them to turn on their feelings and be in touch when their humanity is essential. Join Laurie and George as they talk about what's happening in the world. Check out our sponsor Uberlube. It is an awesome product! Use the coupon code 'Foreplay'.
Join us for a sample conversation with "Eleanor" who is always anxious about sex, preoccupied with whether or not she is pleasing her husband, but unable to be present for her own experience. She doesn’t want to risk hurting her husband even if it would make the sexual moment better for her. Her husband thinks she's not into it, but hear how she worries and actually thinks about it constantly without ever knowing if her husband is happy with her. We have heard hundreds of similar stories about the disconnects that can happen in sexual relationship. We invite you to consider opening up a discussion with your lover about their experience in sex. Help support us by checking out our sponsor Uberlube. Uberlube has great lubricants! Go to uberlube.com and use the coupon code ‘Foreplay’ to get savings!
Conversation is the best foreplay. But to have a deeper, more satisfying relationship you must ask deeper, specific questions. Have you ever wanted to talk to your husband or boyfriend about what he really thinks about what is going on in his bedroom? How to Talk to a Man About His Sex Life (Assessment - Part 3) will give you so good questions to ask and ways to make sense of his answers. In this third episode on assessing your sexual relationship, join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about the kinds of questions they use to understand and assess the depth of a couple's connection.
In therapy and in our partnerships, sharing our sexual histories takes vulnerability and courage. Have you told your partner about your sexual development? So often we don't even bother to think about what was formative and how our experiences, our strengths, our trauma may influence what we feel in bed. This episode, relationship experts, licensed couples therapist guru George takes the role of sex therapist and sex therapist Dr. Laurie role plays a patient talking about her history. Check out our sponsor Uberlube! Use the coupon code "Foreplay" for a nice discount!
We invite you into a thoughtful reflection about what is happening in YOUR sex life. Bring your spirit of curiosity and stay with us in the discovery mode as our “client” played by the brave volunteer - George - answers this first set of questions. Pull back the curtain and hear what Laurie thinks about his answers as a sex therapist. Think about these beginning questions, (not easy questions) like… What would you want your partner to know about you sexually? Laurie reflects on how important vulnerability is when communication with your lover the deeper aspects of these questions. Our patient acknowledges his anxiety and how most of the time he communicates in frustration with his partner instead of coming from his heart’s longing. We ask: What is going on in your sex life now? Can you describe the problems? When did things change between you or when did the problems start? What have you tried to resolve these issues. Do you and your partner have desire for each other? What turns you on the most? When do you feel most erotic with your partner? What are your 3 most important expectations in bed? We gratefully acknowledge the work of EFT founder Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT Supervisor Mike Moran in the development of this sexual questionnaire as well as the work of Dr. Zoya Simakhodskaya, Ph.D for pioneering the understanding of the integration of the sexual cycle into the couple emotional cycle in emotionally focused therapy.
The stay-at-home orders across the country because of the Covid-19 Pandemic has increased the economic and health security. Dealing with feelings of helplessness is a drag on individuals and impacts sexual desire. Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and Couples therapist George Faller as they talk about how to maintain sex during 'war-time.' Check out our sponsor Uberlube. Use the coupon code 'Foreplay' to get a discount! Silicone-based lubricant for keeping it hot!
What turns him on? Visual stimulation is very important. Seeing his partner naked works if women can let go of their insecurity. Join sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and Couples therapist George Faller as they talk about what turns men on.
A married woman listener asks George and Laurie about how to overcome 15 years of shame regarding her thoughts about the 'right kind of sex to have', 'what is good and acceptable in a sexual encounter', and even shame over how much she should be enjoying sex. George remarks, that shame is the biggest turnoff and cut-off for sexual desire... Please support our sponsor Uberlube by buying their high-quality silicone lubricant.
In this Mailbag episode, a listener raises a question about given the difficulty many women have in orgasming through intercourse, why would women want to have sex? Sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller discuss the different viewpoints towards sex that men and women have.
The Pursuer - Withdrawer dance can escalate negative emotions and lead to misunderstanding what each partner is wanting, thinking, and feeling. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as the talk about the process of escalation and de-escalation.
STAY CONNECTED! - our most important mission during the COVID-19 outbreak! In times of stress we need to turn to each other. George and Laurie talk about their own struggles and hope to offer comfort to their listeners...as well as some thoughts about how to grow after being battle-tested! Plus, some a nudge for creative sex during quarantine!
Pursuers get exhausted. After trying everything... talking, begging, holding back their needs, getting angry... sometimes they just give up. When Pursuers become Withdrawers, the relationship is in trouble. Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about dealing with burn out in a relationship.
Laurie and George demonstrate best ways to initiate a conversation to get your partner to open up about sex. And secondly, they talk about how to change the conversation with our kids and friends so we change the culture. George says he feels like he's been let into a secret society of women when Laurie reveals her girlfriend talk.
Do 2 withdrawers ever get together? They do but when there is little conflict there is usually little sex. Both people are so intent on being nice and not demanding, the difficult conversations that create intimacy just don't happen. They avoid the negative emotions and unfortunately shut out the intense emotions would make them feel securely connected. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about withdrawers in relationship.
Why would a withdrawer have an affair when their partner is begging them for more connection? How can a pursuer get over their shame to see their partner's pain? George and Laurie use attachment theory to add understanding that helps answer the question... "why, did you do this?" Uberlube is a great product in so many ways. Use promo code 'Foreplay' at their website so they know we sent you!
Affairs devastate the trust and connection in a committed relationship. Recovery and reconnection is possible. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as the talk through how to reconnect after an affair.
Nothing more sexy than talking about stress! How we perceive stress is how it impacts our body and which makes it inseparable from sex. Connection with another is the fastest way to relieve stress. George leads us in a discussion about how to change distress into eustress by changing our mindset about seeing stress as a challenge and reaching out to a partner and fight problems together. Drawing from his writing in Sacred Stress, George helps Laurie think about a couple who look at the same moment - an erotic moment in two different ways - one as eustress (highly exciting) and the other sees it as distress (highly anxiety-producing.)
One of the big disappointments for some women is when their partners don't want to do cunnilingus with them and they do. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist and author George Faller as they discuss how to have great cunnilingus.
Masturbation is a topic few couples are comfortable talking about; yet it is something that we all do. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist and author George Faller as they talk about masturbation and how it plays into your relationship. Visit our sponsor UberLube at www.uberlube.com; use promo code FOREPLAY so they know we sent you!
Most fantasies have the theme of someone being so into you. In our fantasy, our partner is showing high levels of engagement, high levels of passion and high levels of initiation. George and Laurie talk about how to tap into the energy of fantasy to bring new information, new ideas to the partnership. Try a fantastic lube at www.Uberlube.com/foreplay
Many couples have never discussed sharing their fantasies with the goal of enhancing their mutual sex life. How you go about this discussion makes all the difference. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and author and couples therapist George Faller as they discuss how to incorporate fantasy into your sex life.
Sexual trauma in childhood can wreak havoc on adult emotional and sexual relationships. While challenging, traumas of this gravity can be healed. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist and author George Faller as they discuss how you can heal childhood sexual trauma.
Trauma, PTSD, and other troubling experiences can invade and derail your relationship. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and marriage therapist George Faller as they respond to a listener's letter about her husband's PTSD and how it plagued their relationship.
Sexual problems are opportunities to actually get deeper with each other. Cohosts talk about a man with ED and how he feels alone, alienated from his own body for fear of failure as well as alienated from his partner thinking he will let her down. George shares how withdrawers strengthen their muscle memory to go away when they don't share their "ouch" or what hurts, denying themselves the comfort that their partner might offer. Laurie share how vulnerable sharing actually draws a partner in.
When our hearts are connected, we can lose ourselves sexually in one another. Great sex requires a bit of knowledge, a lot of vulnerability and a willingness to explore more than just genital pleasure. George and Laurie talk about exercises they give clients to get more in tune with each other by exploring touch and the skin of their lover.
Q&A for a woman, who's husband prefers porn and a man struggling with ED. George says, "When I think about porn, I don't come at it from a moralistic point of view. I think, does the porn serve a function to strengthen a couple's emotional bond, or does it create more distance?" Laurie and George discuss how the fear of rejection in a man with ED prevents him from sharing his vulnerability and receiving the comfort he deserves from his wife. Instead they both stay separated and dissatisfied.
Men who feel sex as their primary path to connection are often told "all they want is sex." Indeed, sex is exciting and pleasurable to them but also the way they feel and want to express love and connection. Listen to George Faller and Laurie Watson talk about how men feel about sex; why the couple needs their sexual motivation and what they can do to have more of it.
Women who feel sexually alive and use sex as a pathway for connection can feel out of place in a society that tells them - women don't/shouldn't want sex as much as men. Laurie and George discuss healthy women who are in touch with their bodies, their desire for their partners and long for physical intimacy. When rejected the relationship can be strained, she can feel crushed emotionally and she can question her very attractiveness. Co-hosts affirm her right to have her needs met.
We think men always want sex. But some of them don't chase their partners. How can we understand this phenomenon? Laurie and Geoge talk about one issue - sexual performance - causing one man to sexually withdraw. But there are other reasons as well...
Sounds pretty discouraging if your partner says she'd be fine never having sex again. Laurie and George discuss how to get to the root of what she's saying. Using an acronym O P L E A S F helps us organize what has obscured her libido.
Pursuers' frustrations -- what's it like when you want more and you can't get it? What's it like to work so hard and see your partner walking away from you? We know it feels unfair and want to help you see how you push that might be driving your partner away! Get vulnerable for your own sake.
Learn why your withdrawing partner feels they are keeping you safer by shutting down. Understand what is good and useful about withdrawing behavior. Hear George walk Laurie through a better way to help her husband feel safe about opening up in a personal example. Sex therapist and author Laurie Watson, together with expert, couples therapist and author George Faller delve into the world of the Emotional Distancer to help you resolve your relationship conflicts with smart moves.
Laurie tells George her own story of why she became a sex therapist. Hear about her moment of decision when she stopped the negative pursuing cycle and changed her marriage. Laurie shares her heartfelt commitment to be the generation to love and struggle to become securely attached in order to change the course of her family's legacy and how you too, can change your family's future.
Foreplay - meet my new podcast cohost, George Faller, LMFT - a global leader in couples therapy! George debuts and tells his story of trauma to transformation. After surviving 9/11 as a firefighter, George, having become a recent graduate in marriage therapy, became the designated couples therapist to bring healing to the firefighter couples. Now, he specializes in helping couples and therapists find their way through the intense heat and confusion of reactive relationships.
The sad day is here when we say goodbye to Dr. Adam Mathews. Join Laurie and Adam as they share their fond memories of working together. Listen through to the end where are fabulous editor Joe added a compilation of outtakes and bloopers! You can even hear Madison our intern chiming in off mic.
Please consider subscribing to Foreplay on your favorite podcast listening platform, and rate and review us! It helps us get the word out and improves our rankings!
Money is one of the Big 3 -- along with Time and Energy. Negotiating the issues around money impacts a couple's capacity for intimacy. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the money issue. Please subscribe and rate/review Foreplay on iTunes! It helps us get the word out to more people. We appreciate it!
One weekend, three commitments, better sex. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how in one weekend with three commitments you can have a better sexual relationship. Help us reach more people... subscribing to the podcast makes us more prominent on the major sources for podcasts. Rating and reviewing helps too! Ask questions, get on our mailing list on our contact form. Finally, if you haven't filled out our short, 8-question demographic survey, it only takes a couple of minutes!
Acting out in an affair are often signs of problems with the person's life. A push / pull dynamic can fuel the infidelity. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the causes and how to recover from the pain of infidelity.
Take a moment and fill out our 8-question demographic survey.
Transcript:
Laurie Watson: Adam, we're going to talk about extramarital affairs today, a difficult subject and something that certainly brings up a lot of pain for couples, but we want to offer some hope and some new ways to think about it. Hello again, and welcome to Foreplay – Radio Sex Therapy. I'm your host, certified sex therapist, Laurie Watson, author of Wanting Sex Again, and blogger at Psychology Today and WebMD , and I have with me Dr. Adam Mathews, my co-host, who's a couples therapist, psychotherapist, and President of NCAMFT. Foreplay is dedicated to helping couples keep it hot. Thanks for listening. Now, onto today's topic.
Adam Mathews: A tricky subject today on the podcast, affairs, extramarital affairs. It's tricky for a lot of different reasons, right?
Laurie Watson: It is.
Adam Mathews: People classify affairs in a lot of different ways, in how you label affairs whether, because then, a lot of people, it's not just a sexual affair, it can be an emotional affair. Some people are going to define kissing somebody else as an affair. Somebody might even just describe not telling their partner about a relationship that's forming with somebody that they're attracted to as an affair, and so it's wide-ranging and it's one of the more devastating things to a relationship, right? I think it's devastating in part because of how much it breaks the trust, the core trust in the relationship. It's for most people, especially people in committed monogamous relationships, they believe that their sexual relationship is like the primary boundary that distinguishes their relationship from every other relationship that they have in life, and so that primary boundary gets violated and it gets broken, and so it's very difficult to recover from something like that, but it is recoverable.
Laurie Watson: It is.
Adam Mathews: There are ways that you can begin to move through a healing process in an affair.
Laurie Watson: And rebuild trust.
Adam Mathews: And rebuild that trust.
Laurie Watson: Yeah.
Adam Mathews: Right?
Laurie Watson: Yeah. I think that affairs happen for two reasons. One, an affair is a refuge from a relationship problem in the marriage, or in the committed partnership, but it also comes from a pain in a person's life. There's two forces often, or one or the other force that's happening. The classic midlife crises is the person who, maybe there are marital stressors, but they're facing aging, they're facing disappointments in their career.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: There are many internal issues that they're going through that caused them to act out and have an affair.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah. I would call this the push-pull effect, right? If there's relationship problems going on that can often be pushing them out of the relationship, where they turn to other things, or the internal that's pulling them towards something that they're wanting, that they feel like is lacking either in them internally or in the relationship, and so like recognizing that, those things, you then begin to just turn to something that you feel like is going to give you what you're lacking in that, either that safety in the relationship that you're not experiencing, the excitement, the attention, or it's going to satisfy that kind of pain.
Laurie Watson: Right. That's the push.
Adam Mathews: That's the push.
Laurie Watson: That's the push out of the relationship, and the pull toward is what?
Adam Mathews: Yeah. It is something that you're missing internally in yourself, confidence, loneliness, meaning in life, feeling like there's something that you're missing out on.
Laurie Watson: And they're trying to find that in a third-party.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Right. It's difficult because those things, those things feel very real to the person that's seeking them out, right?
Laurie Watson: Yeah, and I'm aware as we're talking about this in a very methodical therapist-like way, we understand that if you've been betrayed, this is very painful.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Laurie Watson: Very, very painful, and so we don't want to minimize the person who was in the relationship that did not step out their pain, but we also want you to think about this from two parts. I mean, this recruitment of a third-party actually allows stability to happen without real change, so the person maybe splits off and says, "Okay. I'm going to get my sex needs met over here. I'm going to keep my family intact, and that way, I can have what I need. I can feel stable without actually growing, developing, changing, or making the marriage better, or confronting the issues between myself and my partner, or in myself.
Adam Mathews: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think it provides a sense of it's safer, right? It's safer than doing the hard work of addressing those things in the relationship or in the self, and I would say-
Laurie Watson: Temporarily say.
Adam Mathews: Temporarily, yeah, and I think that oftentimes, when people, say the person that has been cheated on says that, "I was blindsided by this. I didn't see this coming," a lot of times, I think it's an effect of that because for a while, it makes the marriage or the committed relationship more stable than it was, and so it feels like things are good, and it's hard to see that, right? As a person that's been cheated on, you're feeling blindsided, you're feeling run over, you're feeling like it's extremely personal, like it's a reaction to you, and to a flaw that you have, or something that's wrong with you, which is not true, but it's hard to see that you didn't really miss something. It just, that introduction of that third person into the relationship made it feel more stable, but that doesn't last, right?
Laurie Watson: It doesn't. Right, and it's also false because the fantasy of who that person is includes you're always dressed up, you always have time for each other, you're not talking about the bills, you're not talking about the stressors of your kids.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: I mean, it's a fantasy, and there's very little that competes with that gilded fantasy.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's lots of research that's just, might be helpful to mention too about the fact that affair relationships, people that leave their spouse for affair relationships, those relationships rarely last. Like the longest that they last, the top end is something like three years, so-
Laurie Watson: Wow, I didn't know that. I believe that.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: I mean, I think the problem with an affair in terms of the person who's acting out is they're not developing and growing. They're not changing.
Adam Mathews: Right. Yeah.
Laurie Watson: Whatever dynamic was not working in the marriage, they haven't fixed that.
Adam Mathews: Right.
Laurie Watson: They haven't confronted it, and so how can they kind of expect that they're going to turn to another person? It's a fantasy to believe that, "I'm just with the wrong person."
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: As it turns out, we bring ourselves to every relationship, and so we're going to recreate similar problems.
Adam Mathews: Yeah, your problems are going to follow you in those cases, because you're not actually dealing with anything that's significant, either in the relationship or within yourself, that's going to change it, so you end up having those same problems in the relationship if you fully lean into the affair relationship, right?
Laurie Watson: Yeah. Right.
Adam Mathews: That when, to be able to do that, most people ... I am fully convinced that the vast majority of people do not go into their marriage or enter their long-term relationship feeling like they are going to have affairs, right?
Laurie Watson: Absolutely not.
Adam Mathews: They're not planning on having an affair, and so to get into it, you have to begin to demonize the person that you're with to some extent, right?
Laurie Watson: Yeah.
Adam Mathews: It's either at the very minimum, it's a belief, like you were saying, that they're the wrong person for me, that I'm just not supposed to be with them, and so you have to be able to do that to be able to then be with the affair partner, and so then with the affair partner, you begin to build them up higher than they actually are, right?
Laurie Watson: Yeah. I was treating a couple who had an incredibly sustainable marriage. They had been good friends for quite some time, and I mean, really had a good relationship, and somehow or another, an affair had entered in. I think what had happened was they went from this good relationship, and the partner who was having an affair began to tell themselves, "Well, this person is not really going to be with me in the way that I really want them to be with me sexually." The reason they denigrated their partner was because in their heart, the affair partner was truly monogamous, so the only way they could sort of justify what was happening was by saying, "But my partner isn't going to meet my needs, therefore, I need a new partner," because they were violating their own ethic.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: Their own ethic was one of being with one person, and so they couldn't do that without suddenly, kind of putting on the sunglasses and seeing all the flaws of their partner, and also putting on the rose-colored glasses and seeing all the blessings and the excitement of the new partner.
Adam Mathews: Right.
Laurie Watson: I mean, in order to resolve this cognitive dissonance, we have to do something on the inside, and this is what the partner who was having the affair was doing, was just making their partner bad. Affairs do happen in good marriages.
Adam Mathews: Absolutely, but that cognitive dissonance thing is important because it's very real, and it's helpful for the injured partner, the spouse that's been cheated on to understand that that is happening in the mind of the person that cheated, because it's not ... They almost have to ... A lot of times in, when an affair is happening, the partner will go, "Well, it's ..." They become a different person, right? They become a person, "I don't know who that person is," and that is the resolution of that cognitive dissonance.
Adam Mathews: They're trying to resolve that, and in doing so, you have to almost become somebody that you're not to be able to have that affair. You have to look at the other person differently, build up the affair partner, and then choose between the, justify these behaviors that for most people, are behaviors that they say they would never engage in.
Laurie Watson: Right. I mean, I think the difficulty is people say it's, "The line in the sand," which is a very weird metaphor to me. Like a line in the sand is very shiftable, but anyway, the line in the sand is, "I was going to leave my partner if they cheated," and then they have their real partner cheat, and they realize, "But there's all this good in the marriage," and of course there's huge injury, and if they don't get help quickly, they can't resolve that.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: An affair is basically a solution that doesn't require the couple to face their inadequacies, in their relationship, and their sexual problems, the emotional distance or fusion, as we talked about last week, that result in a lack of eroticism.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Laurie, why don't we come back after the break, and we want to be sure to tell you how we would deal with it in treatment, and keeping in mind that it is not an easy solution, but there is a solution and a way forward in relationship.
Laurie Watson: Okay. Yes, and there's hope, we believe. We want to remind all of you that we are thankful for the way you've shared the podcast. We continue to grow. It is our greatest honor when you share with a friend the work that we're doing and trying to help people so that they can make positive changes and strengthen their marriages and their partnerships.
Laurie Watson: We would like to invite you to our retreat in November. Loveandsex360.com is where you find us, and I think the last thing we'd like to say is both of us are doing intensives, so if you would like to work with us, let us know and call our centers. You can find us at foreplay-radio-sex-therapy .com.
Adam Mathews: If you like what we're doing and want to help support us, we'd love for you to rate and review us on iTunes, so thanks for listening. All right. We are talking about affairs and how to move forward, believing that there's hope even when an affair happens in a relationship for there to be recovery, even without the injured partner having to compromise or to lay down their values, or to lay down their hurt, right? That doesn't have to happen. The affair partner doesn't have to live in the dog house forever in the relationship.
Adam Mathews: There's ways to begin to move forward to have what I believe is actually a healthier relationship and a better relationship after an affair, if you're able to put into the work and kind of sustain through the really grueling process of recovering from one.
Laurie Watson: Yeah. I see couples who, the affair does signify essentially a cry for help in the marriage, and they go forward after treatment in a stronger, more intimate, more trusting place than they could have really gotten to without this crises, and nobody wants to go through that or think, "Isn't there a better way?"
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: There probably is a better way, but we also think that, like sometimes, a bone that breaks and is stronger when it heals after an affair, your marriage can be stronger.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah. What's the first step for you when you say, "How do we begin to deal with it?"
Laurie Watson: Yeah. First, we want to deal with the impact of it.
Adam Mathews: Right.
Laurie Watson: The problem is, is that in the initial stage, it looks like the marriage is going to reorganize around the aftermath of the affair, instead of around the original problems that were kind of the push out of the relationship. We eventually, as a therapist and as a couple, you want to eventually get to the real problems. The difficulty with this is that the betrayed partner says, "You are saying it's my fault. You are making me responsible for this terrible, hurtful thing that has happened to me," and we're not. We know that it is terrible and hurtful what has happened.
Laurie Watson: You are not responsible for the pin that your partner pulled out of the grenade in the marriage. You are not responsible for that. You are responsible for the marriage in general and the problems that the two of you have co-created up until this point.
Adam Mathews: Yeah, and Laurie, I mean, I think there's difficulty for me in that because I believe on some level, the partner that stepped out of the marriage has to take responsibility for their actions, right?
Laurie Watson: Yes.
Adam Mathews: Nobody forced them to have an affair.
Laurie Watson: Right.
Adam Mathews: Nobody forced them to cheat, or to step out, or to not talk about the problems, or whatever it was that they did. Nobody forced them to do that, right? There may be circumstances that were pressuring, that felt inevitable to them, that they didn't fully understand at the time, but nobody forced them to kiss somebody else, so nobody forced them to have sex with somebody else, to share intimate things with somebody else, and so talk to me about that because I just, I feel like they have to, that one of the first steps that has to happen is that they have to express some remorse, right?
Laurie Watson: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Adam Mathews: If there's no remorse for the affair, then I don't know how to go forward in it.
Laurie Watson: Right, and they have to stop the affair if the marriage is going to go forward.
Adam Mathews: Yes.
Laurie Watson: I mean, you can't be with somebody who is with somebody else, at least if that's what you want in terms of monogamy and a sole commitment. You can't do it, so yes, they have to stop the affair.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: They have to express remorse. I think for real healing, which doesn't happen right away, but for real healing, that person has to deeply understand the hurt that they have caused.
Adam Mathews: Right. Yes, absolutely.
Laurie Watson: I think it's very painful in the beginning, because often, the affair partner is entitled. This is how they rationalize part of it, is they talk about, "Well, I have been hurt in this marriage, and this was my only path that I saw."
Adam Mathews: Oh, sure.
Laurie Watson: That may be true for them. It is their only path that they saw, and they don't want to be labeled as a bad person.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah.
Laurie Watson: The person who is betrayed says, "I didn't deserve this," and the person who stepped out says, "I'm not not a bad person."
Adam Mathews: Yeah, and I think maybe that's the place that ... Maybe that's what you were saying before, is that to me, the person that's been injured, that's been cheated on has to eventually get to a place where they can separate what happened from the character of the person, that they're not a bad person. They've made really bad choices for the relationship, they made very injurous choices for the relationship, things that were, don't condone the affair or say the affair was okay. it was extremely hurtful, and we can sit with that while also saying the person that cheated is not a bad person. That in and of itself, I think takes some time, but I think it has to come as the person that cheated expresses remorse, and that remorse is heard and believed and genuine, followed by their actions of cutting off all contact with the affair partner, and then the person that's been cheating on, being able to express very specifically how they've been hurt.
Adam Mathews: I hear a lot of people come in, and somebody is cheated and all that and they say, "Well, they should know how I feel. They should know how hurtful this is." Yes, like obviously, they should see that an affair is hurtful, but everybody's gets hurt by it in different ways and specific ways, and so being able to express that hurt and for that hurt to be heard and validated, I think is very important.
Laurie Watson: I think pursuers and distancers have affairs for different reasons.
Adam Mathews: Yeah, absolutely.
Laurie Watson: Often, a pursuer will have an affair as a way to get the attention for their partner, like, "I am starving, and this other person has met my need either sexually or emotionally, and now it has become sexual," but it's oftentimes rooted in a point in time in the marriage where the pursuer has given up. "On the marriage, I've tried. I've tried to get through to you. I've screamed and hollered. I haven't been able to," and now they're in a distancing phase, and that's oftentimes when they will have the affair.
Laurie Watson: You would think that withdrawers wouldn't have affairs because they don't have that much pull to do it, but ironically, I see lots and lots of withdrawers having affairs, because I think its conflict is scary, intimacy is very difficult for them, and so they hide from that conflict in the primary relationship, but that reduces sexual feelings and eroticisms between them and their partner, and so they split that off into the affair partner.
Adam Mathews: Absolutely.
Laurie Watson: "I'm going to have sex over here because I can't risk the intimacy that real sexuality in partnership demands of me."
Adam Mathews: Yeah, it's too much.
Laurie Watson: "It's too much. It's too intense, and so I split these two things apart." You would think that withdrawers wouldn't do that, but they do, oftentimes have affairs, so-
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Well, it's just a move outside of the relationship, so for withdrawers, it's a-
Laurie Watson: It's an absolute step away.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. For withdrawers, it's the ultimate withdraw from the relationship. For pursuers, it's the ultimate pursue, because you're looking at-
Laurie Watson: You're finally caught.
Adam Mathews: Yeah, absolutely.
Laurie Watson: Somebody catches you. You chase, and they catch you, and that's so exciting.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Well, and the hope of pursuers is that the distancing partner is going to see their affair and go, "Oh my gosh, I had neglected you. I should come towards you and move towards you in that."
Laurie Watson: Right. You are valuablae, because the pursuer often feels like they're not valuable to their partner, and so they're trying to get some of that with their outside partner.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah.
Laurie Watson: Yeah.
Adam Mathews: I think after, as you-
Laurie Watson: I think the withdrawer is trying to avoid.
Adam Mathews: Yeah, but you're dealing with that impact. You're dealing in that first step. You're dealing with the hurt. You're dealing with the remorse, but then, moving on to try to ... You call it finding meaning, right? I call it dealing with the decline of the [inaudible 00:20:39], whatever was the decline in the beginning, identifying that push-pull of what was happening before that both people are then responsible for, right?
Laurie Watson: Right.
Adam Mathews: There's hard on both sides on the things that happened before the affair.
Laurie Watson: Yeah, and as we're learning sort of EFT, the languages, they're identifying their toxic cycle, right?
Adam Mathews: Right.
Laurie Watson: How did they push and pull with each other? How did the pursuer chase, perhaps criticize, and that pushed the withdrawing partner away? The pursuer wasn't in some way soft enough or safe enough for the withdrawer to really talk about what was going on inside them, or how did the withdrawing partner make their pursuing partner so frantic by their withdrawal that they couldn't get it together, and that this pattern is repeated over and over in many aspects of their lives, certainly sexually?
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah.
Laurie Watson: I mean, people don't necessarily have affairs simply over sex. I mean, there is a sexual component, but often, the toxic cycle, and then healing that in the secondary phase of recovery is really important to understand what was going on at the time, where it is the affair fit into that cycle, and can they begin to see that this pattern may not work for them?
Adam Mathews: Yeah. Yeah. This is often-
Laurie Watson: It doesn't work for them.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. This is often ... That part is often the hardest for the person that's been cheated on, right? The first phase of treatment for somebody in an affair, it's the partner that's done the cheating. It's hardest for them during that first phase, and it's harder for the partner that's been injured because talking about the cycle that happened before the affair often feels like condoning the affair, and it can feel like to them-
Laurie Watson: Or blaming them.
Adam Mathews: Or blaming them for the affair, and so, and both things are not true, right? You're not blaming them or condoning the affair, but you're saying, "This is what was happening." Right? This was what was going on in your relationship. Your relationship was not the best before this.
Adam Mathews: Right? I think a lot of times, you look back when something like an affair happens, and you romanticize, or you look back through rose-colored glasses on history, and you rewrite history a bit and go, "Our relationship was great. Our relationship was fine. Why would they ever do this?" Sometimes you can recognize the difficulty of it, but oftentimes, you look back and go, "The affair should never ... It doesn't fit in that cycle," which is not entirely true, and so you have to understand what was happening and finding that meaning, understanding that cycle so that you can begin to move forward and break that, right?
Laurie Watson: Exactly. In that recovery, we want the couple to basically find safety with each other so that vulnerability becomes possible again, sexual vulnerability, but also emotional vulnerability.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: The person who stepped out has to see how painful it was to their partner, and the partner has to see the binds and the difficulties that their partner who betrayed them was feeling, which is really hard work.
Adam Mathews: It's such hard ... Yeah. Hard work.
Laurie Watson: It's such hard work.
Adam Mathews: Yeah.
Laurie Watson: I know that one growth pattern for a man that I was seeing who'd had an affair, he said, "Well, my wife just isn't very creative sexually," and I said, "Do you share with her your sexual fantasies?" He's like, "Nope." I already knew that their sex life was pretty boring. The married couple's sex life was pretty boring, but his complaint was also without his vulnerability and sharing what he wanted and what he thought about, and all that kind of stuff, and so he just split that off, had the affair.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. We believe that it is possible. We kind of given you just a start. I mean obviously, this work needs an outside party. You need a therapist to help work you through this, preferably one that deals with affairs a lot.
Laurie Watson: I think you do.
Adam Mathews: I mean, I think most couple therapists do, but finding one who kind of has a good framework for how to kind of help you move through it, and doing that work, it's difficult, it's hard, but there is hope for rebuilding your relationship. It takes a lot of time. I wish that this is not a quick process. Affair recovery is not ... It's slow, and oftentimes it feels like you're going backward.
Adam Mathews: Part of the moving forward is really dealing with the flare-ups that come from what I classified as grief. Like it's, you're grieving the relationship that you had, and you're really building a new one, so a lot of times, those emotions flare up, especially for the injured partner, like it comes up randomly through very strange things, things that seemingly may not become-
Laurie Watson: Right. They get triggered.
Adam Mathews: Yeah. They get triggered-
Laurie Watson: A politician in your city has an affair, or there's an affair on the movie that you go to see together.
Adam Mathews: Oh, yeah, or you've somehow find yourself listening to the country station on Pandora, and every song is about an affair.
Laurie Watson: Right. Right, exactly. It's easy to get triggered.
Adam Mathews: But you have to kind of be, learn how to deal with those triggers in your relationship and move forward, so really, just encourage you, if this is something that's happened in your relationship, don't ignore it. Please don't ignore it.
Laurie Watson: Yeah. Don't sweep it under the rug.
Adam Mathews: Don't sweet it under the rug. It's a big deal.
Laurie Watson: And don't believe that your only choice is bitterness, that you just have to swallow that this is what happened.
Adam Mathews: Absolutely. Yes.
Laurie Watson: We believe in forgiveness that there's a way, and it doesn't mean that you forget or that you look the other way. It's a way that you truly work through.
Adam Mathews: Absolutely.
Laurie Watson: Thanks for listening.
Adam Mathews: You can now call in your questions to the Foreplay question voicemail. Dial 833-MY4-PLAY. That's 833, the number four, play, and we'll use the questions for our mailbag episodes.
Laurie Watson: Hey, help us stay on top here at Foreplay. We'd love it if you would subscribe and share it with your friends, and please take one sec and rate and review us. Thanks so much.
Adam Mathews: All content is for entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor.
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To have sex or refrain from sex during a woman's period? Research shows that there are 4 different reactions women have about sex on their periods. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk through the issues about sex on periods. Please take a moment and subscribe so that you don’t miss any of our episodes! Also check out our Fall retreat at LoveandSex360.com. Finally, please answer our 8-question demographic survey!
Talking regularly about the state of your sexual union is essential to achieving and maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to accomplish a regular state of the union. Please take a moment and subscribe so that you don't miss any of our episodes! Also check out our Fall retreat at LoveandSex360.com. Finally, please answer our 8-question demographic survey!
Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they answer your questions! In this episode: Diagnosing problems with oral sex; and female sexual pursuers and male sexual pursuers. Please take a moment and subscribe so that you don't miss any of our episodes! Also check out our Fall retreat at LoveandSex360.com. Finally, please answer our 8-question demographic survey!
Why and how does the frequency of sex decrease in a marriage to the point where it rarely happens? Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they dissect the genesis of a sexless marriage. Also we'd love to find out more about our listeners. Please fill out our short demographic survey!
Fourth of July fireworks in the sky are great, but what about fireworks in bed? Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and Couples Therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the two important factors for great sex on the Fourth and any time: fantasy and seduction. Take a moment to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes so you automatically get all our episodes! Also we want to know you, our listeners better! If you have not done so, please take our short, 8-question demographic survey.
What is it like growing up with a mother who is a sex therapist? Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and her son, sex therapist Reed Watson as they talk about the unique experiences of growing up with a mother who is a sex therapist.
Our first sexual experience ought to be good. Even if your first sexual experience is in the rear-view mirror, understanding what would make it good through these 10 steps can help your sex life today. Also a great resource to share with someone heading toward their first sexual experience. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson as she shares how to make that first sexual experience good. Take a quick minute and fill out our listener survey. Please also Rate and Review us on iTunes or your favorite podcast source.
Good communication leads to more intimacy which leads to more and better sex. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about communicating better so that you can do it better. Spend a moment and take our 8-question survey.
Being connected with your partner is essential to communication and intimacy, but requires being able to take your partner's perspective. When we get stuck on 'our side of the bed' and have difficulty grasping what it is like from our partner's point of view, empathy becomes impossible. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to check out 'the other side of the bed'. If you listen to us through iTunes, please take a moment and rate and review us. Also, we want to know our listeners better! Help us by filling out our 8-question demographic survey.
Learning to argue is essential for intimacy and therefore great sex in a relationship, but is often avoided by couples at all costs. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about how to have healthy arguments. Please take a moment and fill out our 8-question demographic survey so that we can know you better!
We live our lives on overload: work commitments, family commitments, making dinner, chores, the necessities of everyday life can crowd out sex by making us too tired. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples' therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about ways to deal with the burden and make room for sex. Take our quick 8-question survey here!
The May 2019 Mailbag episode is here! Sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews take your questions and give you great advice. In today's episode, Laurie and Adam answer questions on what to do after an emotional affair, how to break the ice and have sex for two anxious people, and what does it mean to be 'safe', and others! Take a moment and fill in our 8-question listener survey here!
Unhealthy power dynamics in relationships can hamper connection. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the pursuer-distancer dance through the lens of power. Take our short demographic survey here!
For National Infertility Awareness Week, Foreplay's sex therapist and author Laurie Watson discusses the impact of infertility, both permanent and episodic, on a couple's sexual relationship.
Sometimes in committed relationship sex becomes unbalanced and the mutuality of the experience goes out the window. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about how to achieve a mutually satisfying relationship.
Beware of these 8 sex mistakes! Every couple can fall into these bedroom traps. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples' therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they identify the big mistakes that destroy great sex!
Men are often viewed as mostly manly when they are least emotional. This dichotomy is confusing to men and leads them to most often shut down their emotions. Their partners are often starved for the emotional side of their men. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the secret emotional life of men. Let us know more about you! Take our short, 8-question demographic survey.
In a committed relationship, challenges of all sorts impact both parties. Resilience is the power and capacity to use these struggles to draw closer together and makes our relationship stronger. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explain sexual resilience. Tell us more about you! Take our listener survey!
Women sexual pursuers are more common than our culture assumes. A woman who wants sex is sometimes viewed as a slut or whore, and is subject to negative feedback. What women sexual pursuers have in common is a solid erotic core. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss developing an erotic core. Also let us know about you! Fill in our short, 8-question demographic survey.
What goes on during menopause? What exactly is changing? What can be done to mitigate the changes from menopause? Join sex therapist and best-selling author Laurie Watson and couples’ therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they take a deep dive into the issues around menopause. Help us get to know you better! Fill in a short questionnaire.
Listener questions answered! The problems with quick orgasms; pursuer shutdown frustrations, and listening to actions versus listening to words. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they respond to listener questions.
Different sex positions have different pluses and minuses in different situations. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss different positions for sex and where they each shine! Let us know about you! Take our demographic survey here!
We bring our expectations along with us into any situation. Particularly with our partner, we have a host of expectations that we want our partner to fulfill. A couple can run into problems if their expectations are not discussed, negotiated, and clarified. Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about expectations in our relationships.
Are you sleeping with a narcissist? What is a narcissist in any case? The term is floated around casually and often unhelpfully. Join sex-therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about narcissism in a sexual relationship. Please let us know more about you! Take our demographic survey at foreplayrst.com/listener-survey.
Get geared up for a great, romantic Valentine's Day! Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss ways to make Valentine's Day romantic and overcome the Valentine's Day curse! Help us get to know you by filling out our demographic survey! Click here.
The key to a great relationship, the hottest sex, the most money, the best connection, comes from secure attachment. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about how to become more securely attached. Take our quick demographic survey! Foreplay Survey.
Following on last week's podcast on cunnilingus, this week we talk about fellatio for the fellows! Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews talk about fellatio! Take a moment and fill out our demographic survey. We want to find out more about our listeners. Listener Survey! Thanks!
For the majority of women, oral sex is the best way to climax. Often however it gets caught up in the power struggle of the pursuer and distancer. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews get to the specifics of oral sex for her.
Gain orgasmic security with the Great American Vibrator! Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk all things buzzing. The vibrator that Laurie recommends is available through Amazon here. Help us know you better by filling out our listener demographic survey at our survey.
Fantasy can play an important part in a committed relationship. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson in a seminar discuss fantasy and common obstacles to satisfying sex. We are asking listeners to fill out a short, 8 question survey so that we can find out more about our listeners. The survey can be found here.
Set relationship goals that cannot fail! 97% of new years resolutions fail. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss making great relationship goals for 2019. We are asking listeners to fill out a short, 8 question survey so that we can find out more about our listeners. The survey can be found here.
Fantasy can play an important part in a committed relationship. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson in a seminar discuss fantasy and common obstacles to satisfying sex. We are asking listeners to fill out a short, 8 question survey so that we can find out more about our listeners. The survey can be found here.
Self-consciousness about sex and talking about sex can get in the way of our intimacy and enjoyment of sex. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about reducing self-consciousness, dealing with intrusive thoughts, and date night sex. Help us get to know you better by taking a short, 8-question survey. Click here.
The holidays can be stressful for many reasons. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they go through the list of naughty and nice ideas for the holiday. We want to find out more about our listeners! Please click this link to a short, 8-question demographic survey.
Having kids can radically change sex for couples and can complicate our sex lives for a number of reasons. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they work through the issues around sex after kids.
Next to relational distress, a negative body image is the biggest disruptor for derailing sex and desire. While this has traditionally been a woman's struggle, increasingly it is also an isue for men. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about body image issues.
Criticism can be destructive to our relationships. In the fourth and final of Gottman's 'Four Horseman' series, Laurie and Adam address this destructive behavior and distinguish it for communicating complaints in your relationship.
Anxiety can interfere with sexual satisfaction. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to deal with sex and anxiety.
Dr. Adam and Laurie are back at it again answering your listener questions! In today's episode they cover topics on getting your needs met, trusting your partner, a listener's boyfriend struggling with the death of a beloved pet and more! Love us? Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Continuing Gottman's Four Horseman series, Dr. Adam and Laurie dive deep into defensive behavior. Tune in to learn how to spot defensiveness within yourself and your partner. In this episode they offer advice on what to do with this common yet powerful emotion. Love us on Patreon www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Sexual problems and the quest for getting pregnant plague more couples than you'd think. The stress of conceiving can often prolong the process. Laurie and Dr. Adam talk infertility, conception and remaining calm with a common goal of pregnancy in mind. Love us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Dr. Adam and Laurie discuss the complicated relationship between sex and depression in both men and women. They discuss symptoms and how to stay connected when your relationship is impacted by this all too common mental health issue. Love us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Laurie and Dr. Adam answer listener questions about sexual confidence, bringing a third person into a marriage, a porn addicted father and more! Love us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
How to say yes to sex! Just because you or your partner is a sexual distancer may not mean you don't want to have sex. Some distancers have difficultly saying yes in the moment. Dr.Adam and Laurie explore how to get over the ''let's go for it'' hurdle. Love us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
What to do when your partner shuts down. In the second of Gottman's 'Four Horseman' series, Dr. Adam and Laurie address this destructive behavior and how to get through the seemingly unbreakable barriers of a silent a partner. Like us? Send us some love on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
How to bring back the fun and romance into your relationship with these 10 easy tips. Listen in on Laurie’s controversial advice on becoming the "most romantic man in the universe"! Follow us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
What is the number one most important trait in a good partner? Tune in to find out! In this episode Laurie and Dr. Adam explore the importance of sexual attraction vs emotional attraction. They also reveal red flags to look out for before you fully commit. Love us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Porn use can bring out strong reactions on both sides: Some view it as a minor impact on a marriage while others feel it is equivalent to cheating. Dr. Adam and Laurie explore porn’s impact on the sexual partnership and the place of fantasy within a monogamous marriage. Love us on Patreon!: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Contempt, one of the most dangerous emotions in a relationship. This episode covers the markers of contemptuous behavior and why it's so destructive to a marriage. Laurie and Dr. Adam offer advice on recognizing this powerful emotion and how to bring the humanity back into your relationship. Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Adam is back in part two of our two-part series on resolving the demand-withdraw sexual cycle. Why does sex feel so much riskier to the distancer than the pursuer? Laurie and Adam give tips on how distancers can better communicate their needs and how both partners can provide clarity and security in this all too common relationship dance. Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
What in the world are they thinking? Today's episode is the first of a two-part series about resolving the demand-withdraw sex cycle between partners. Laurie addresses the expectations of the "sexual pursuer" and how to relieve the negative thought patterns that damage your marriage. Find us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
We've got a special treat today! Seth and Melanie, from the Anatomy of Marriage podcast, share how they emerged from crisis in their marriage by developing tools for better communication, shedding shame and understanding their family of origins. Tune in, you don't want to miss this in-depth discussion. Love us? Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Guys need self-care too! Men tend to run on low batteries without knowing handy ways of taking care of their bodies and minds. Dr. Adam and Laurie deliver practical tips on how to be present with yourself and in your relationship as a man or a woman. Love us? Support us on Patreon! www.foreplayrst.com
How to share your true-self with your partner. Laurie and Dr. Adam dive deep into what vulnerability really means for men (and women too). Love us? Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
The easiest sexual problem to cure is often the most difficult to talk about. Dr. Adam and Laurie tackle the confusion and embarrassment associated with premature ejaculation. They offer help on addressing it with your partner and techniques for improving staying power. Love us? Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Laurie and Dr. Adam answer listener questions! A fiancé suddenly experiences attraction troubles, mental health, switching distancer and pursuer roles, and a question from a young woman about the screaming pleasure she sees in the movies. Don't miss this episode! Like us? Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Believe it or not sex isn't everything! A well-rounded relationship includes other aspects like shared aspirations, friendship and intimacy. Can you have a great relationship without good sex? Can you have great sex without a good relationship? Tune in to find out. Love us? Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
How do friendships impact romantic relationships? Dr. Adam and Laurie discuss keeping your individuality while maintaining a strong bond with your spouse. How to talk about friendship boundaries, the positives of a strong community and how trouble in your friends' relationships can affect your own! Love us? Join the community on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Today's episode is all about nakedness. Why we grow to be self-conscious, positive self-talk and how getting naked in front of your partner builds intimacy and attachment. Shed the shame, shed the clothes! Love us? Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Recognizing symptoms of depression and hopelessness in your loved one. Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Today Dr. Adam and Laurie answer your burning listener questions. They cover everything from separate bedrooms to sexting to smoking pot and low libido! Tune in to get answers to the questions you've always wanted to ask. Have a question of your own? Email us at info@foreplayrst.com. Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst/memberships
The effects of alcohol on sexual performance and satisfaction are complicated. Dr. Adam and Laurie debate the pros and cons of this widely used social lubricant in your sex life. Love us? Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Just because he orgasms doesn’t mean sex is over! To know when sex ends first we have to know what sex actually is. Join us as Laurie and Dr. Adam cover the sex cycle and how ending it right can improve your overall sense of satisfaction and desire. Love us? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Don't miss these common dos and don'ts! Covering everything from phone etiquette to laughing at your loved one's short comings, Laurie and Dr. Adam give great tips on definitely what NOT to do between the sheets. Like us? Supports us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Dr. Adam and Laurie delve into the dirty details of how splitting your household tasks can impact your sex life. Like us? Become a Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Even a five to ten year age difference can have a meaningful impact on communication, health and sexpectations. Dr. Adam and Laurie tackle blending families and other issues that can arise when marrying someone older or younger than yourself. Love us? Support us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
How to end the comparison game. Laurie and Dr. Adam discuss positive self-talk and tools for forgetting that critical voice, in and out of the bedroom. Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/foreplayrst
Equally loved and loathed by many, today's hot topic is all about getting busy in the AM. Dr. Adam and Laurie give tips on how to make morning sex great and delve into the biological differences between the genders in when they want it most. Want to keep it hot? Support us on Patreon.
What goes on in the sex therapist's office? This week Laurie and Dr. Adam dispel popular myths around their practices and discuss who can benefit from talking to a trained professional. Like what you here? Support us on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/foreplayrst.
Setting good boundaries with your partner shouldn't feel like a power struggle. Sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples counselor Dr. Adam Mathews discuss safeguarding your relationship and what to do if those boundaries get crossed.
Struggling with sexual problems in your 20s? You're not alone! In today's mailbag episode Dr. Adam and Laurie discuss common reasons for trouble in the bedroom, even for couples who are just getting started. Support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com/foreplayrst!
Sexual addiction or sexually compulsive behaviors involve using increasingly risky sexual actions to fill an inner emptiness. What is sexual addiction; what it is not. Healing the rift with EFT therapy. Support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com/foreplayrst!
How you handle the non-sexual behaviors we share with our partner in bed – both positive and negative – can draw us together or drive us apart. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about stealing the covers and snoring. Support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com/foreplayrst!
Affair discovery! To-do's and not to-do’s in the first few moments after discovering your partner is having an affair. While sexual betrayal strikes at the very heart of commitment, marriages and partnerships can often emerge stronger after an affair. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples' therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk through the steps to take if you find your partner has been having an affair.
Having high standards and being driven to meet them can produce good results in life. But in your sexual relationship, being a perfectionist can be a problem. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to deal with sexual perfectionism in yourself and your partner.
Handling a rejection when we want to be intimate can sting. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk through how to handle sexual rejection.
Erectile Dysfunction has many potential causes and ways of treatment. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk with urologist Dr. Ryan Terlecki about the various ways of treatment of ED.
Sexiest day of the year! Don't think you can write this day off as a greeting card holiday. Why sex is essential on Valentine's Day. Learn what Laurie and Adam are doing with their spouses to celebrate!
Men can have low libido and low sexual frequency for a number of reasons.Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Adam Mathews as they discuss the various causes of male sexual desire disorder and what to do about it.
The challenges that a divorced person faces when they begin to date again are real and painful. Even more complications come when you start a sexual relationship after divorce. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the whens, hows, and whys of dating and sex after divorce.
Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson as she gets down to the fine details of women's arousal patterns in this solo episode of Foreplay!
What to do if you are a sexual pursuer and you feel constantly rejected and even the sex you have feels perfunctory? Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the changes to make if you fall into the Pursuer Pitfalls.
The path to a long-term successful relationship requires putting your relationship above your individual interests, which runs counter to where we always start and where our culture starts, which is 'me first.' Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to win the relationship game and how to avoid 'starfish sex.'
New Years is commonly time for resolutions. But often those resolutions aren't about our primary relationships. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they share their own goals for 2018 and how to formulate effective relational goals.
The holidays can evoke memories and strong feelings about our families. Managing these experiences in the holidays is a path of growth. Join sex therapist and acclaimed author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about dealing with our sexual pasts.
Each of us has unreal expectations and fantasies about our partner and our relationship. When we are realistic about our sex lives, we can let go of, and decide to grieve, the losses of our idealizations of our partner and our sex lives. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about what and how to grieve.
Black and white thinking is something that we can often fall into with our partner; doing so seems like it simplifies the world. But rigid black and white splitting is unrealistic and damaging. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how black and white thinking impacts your relationship and your sex life.
While we don’t often think of it in terms of our sex life, we leave our children a sexual intimacy legacy. Becoming more intentional about how we embody our sexual relationship directly and indirectly impacts our children. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about leaving a vibrant relational and sexual intimacy to the next generation.
The strong, silent type is the culturally-valued view of classic manhood. Join nationally acclaimed author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about this classic archetype of manhood. Note to our listeners: We have solved the sound problems that have plagued our recording sessions over the past 8 episodes. Since we record once a month for 3 to 5 episodes, it took us some testing and switching out equipment to figure out the problem. We have solved the issue(s) that were plaguing our system. This is the final poor-quality episode. Clear sailing from here out. In this episode, we are offering a Foreplay RST coffee mug for the first 3 listeners who send us a rating/review on iTunes. Here’s what you need to do: go to iTunes on your computer (it doesn’t work on iPhones); search the store for Foreplay and click through to our page on the iTunes store. Click on ‘Rating and Reviews’ toward the top of the page. Then under ‘Customer Reviews’ click on the ‘Write a Review’ button and you will be able to rate us and write a review. Email us a screenshot of your review to info@foreplayrst.com. We’ll randomly draw three names from the emails we receive and we’ll send you out a Foreplay RST coffee mug!
Just as in feasts like Thanksgiving, where we take our ordinary day-to-day activities and raise them to a new level, our sexual lives benefit greatly from quarterly sexual feasts – times together where our sexual times together get to a new level. Join national author and popular sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the benefits and how-to’s of having a sexual feast. Note to our listeners: We have figured out our technical recording problems and are back to the quality levels that we have set for ourselves. However, we have one more (Episode #101 next week) that was recorded while we were still having problems.
How does your attachment style impact your sexual relationship? Join popular author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to know what your attachment style is and how it impacts your sex life.
Many things can make sex goes wrong; some have easy fixes. Join acclaimed author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist as Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the things that can wrong and what to do about it.
Reaching orgasm is only the beginning. Optimal sex involves deeper connection and leads to more satisfying sex and even better orgasms. Join sex therapist and acclaimed author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about how to get the most meaningful sex and the best orgasms.
metoo - Laurie and Adam discuss their professional and personal experience with abuse and harrassment. In a serious conversation, they raise futher awareness about the stats and real situations of harassment and assault women face and why it matters.
Husband’s positive behavior toward partner increases frequency of sex – but don’t wait too long to be positive guys. Even if you don’t feel like being positive, being positive is the route to more sex. What is positive behaviors? “Saying I love you” • “Making partner life” • “Engaging in physical intimacy outside of sex” • “Appreciative expressions” and more. Tune in to sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they share what works in increasing sex frequency.
The expectations in relationship and in our culture for what it means to be a man often comes down to a big erection that works every time. The prevalence of porn has communicated unrealistic ideas about sex and sexuality. Join sex therapist and popular author Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the complexity of male sexuality.
A thriving, vibrant sexual relationship develops best in our relationship when we feel safe and secure and when we help our partner feel safe and secure. Join sex therapist and popular author Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about how to move to a more secure relationship.
Do you want long-term great sex? We have your growth plan and challenges mapped out. Join sex therapist and popular author and blogger Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they share how to have great sex for a lifetime. Laurie's blogs can be found on WebMD and Psychology Today where Laurie's blogs are frequently rated the most popular. Laurie's counseling center can be found at AwakenLoveandSex.com and Adam can be reached at mathewscounseling.net.
Sexual pursuers can sabotage themselves through their own thinking about sex in the midst of the experience. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson as she talks about how sexual pursuers can manage their desire for great sex.
Today's Mailbag Topics: Living in an intimate relationship includes sharing spaces and being exposed to our partner in ways that may not be appealing; and how to sync up the best times for sex. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they take questions from listeners. If you have a question for a mailbag episode, email us at info@foreplayrst.com. We are also set up now to take live callers. If you want to do a live mailbag episode, send us an email and we will arrange a time to have you call in!
Mid-life crises are often caricatured, but often in our 50’s there is a real change in sex – declining abilities and physical attraction. These changes can be disruptive to our relationship unless handled well. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples’ therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to successfully handle mid-life crises with tips that work even if you are young!
Couples in committed relationships fall into certain traps and mistakes. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples' therapist, Dr. Adam Mathews, as they cover the second five of 10 Mistakes Couples Make about Sex.
Couples in committed relationships fall into certain traps and mistakes. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples' therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they cover the first five of 10 Mistakes Couples Make about Sex.
Relationships have three broad areas of relating: the mundane details that must be done in live, sexual intimacy, and being friends -- liking our partner, enjoying their company, sharing the details of our inner worlds. The best relationships manage to have all three work; imbalance among them leads to problems. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about balancing these three essential arenas of relationship.
Involuntary celibacy (going more than 6 months without intercourse) within a committed relationship occurs more frequently than you would imagine. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couple's therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the reasons behind involuntary celibacy and what couples can do to address (and avoid) it.
After the wedding day, it is often easy for each partner to take their partner for granted. Men need to continue to pursue their partners. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk to caller Joe from Raleigh about men pursuing their partners.
Weight, sex, and marriage – Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they wade into the sensitive and dicey topic of weight gain in marriage and how it can impact a couple’s sexual relationship.
Pleasure can often be hard to arrive at with our performance-oriented, accomplishment seeking culture. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about what keeps us from pleasure and how to encourage pleasure with your partner.
Fighting in relationship is unavoidable with two people with natural differences. Often because our wants and needs are involved, our fights in committed relationships can escalate emotionally. How to fight fairly and how to end a fight are equally important. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss how to end a fight.
Stress impacts sexual desire for both men and women. For women, stress can lower desire; for men, it can either lower or increase desire. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss stress and sex.
Both short-term and long-term medical challenges/disabilities can impact a committed relationship. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss how to handle these difficult situations.
Some couples are faced at times with relating over a long-distance, whether due to business travel, being in the military, school, etc. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Laurie Watson talk through how to survive long-distant relationships both sexually and emotionally in a committed relationship.
From adolescence onward, culturally we are expected to be sexually confident, often with no space for a learning curve. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews talk about developing sexual self-confidence.
Trust is a foundational element in a relationship. In our sexual relationship, part of trust is worshiping our partner with our bodies. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore building trust and how it is broken in relationship.
Can jealousy be healthy? If so, how? Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how jealousy can be healthy and be helpful to a committed relationship.
Getting comfortable talking about sex and what you want in bed is directly correlated to satisfaction in committed relationships. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they help you get comfortable talking about sex. From a talk given by Laurie and Adam at the North Carolina Marriage and Family Therapist annual conference.
In our busy lives, sometimes sex is bumped down the priority list by work, children, or other responsibilities. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the necessity of scheduling time for sex.
When we are critical and hard on ourselves, intimacy is more difficult. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to forgive yourself.
What to do if your partner has been sexually traumatized in their past? From big traumas of date rape, sexual assault, or groped to serial sexism or shaming messages about sex. Each trauma has an individual impact. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss how to relate to a lover who has had trauma.
The ideal in a sexual relationship includes room for each partner to be ruthless in pursuing their own satisfaction. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore the benefits of a ruthless pursuit of sexual satisfaction.
Now it is the women's turn! In this episode, author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews take up what women really think about sex. Compared to men whose body's testosterone drives sexual desire, for most women, it is their mind and imagination that is the source of their sex drive.
What do men really think about sex? Move beyond the stereotypes and join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about what men really think about sex.
In a response to a reader email, author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews take a deep dive into issues that arize for couples after childbirth.
Author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews presented a seminar on sex therapy to attendees at the North Carolina Association of Marriage and Family Therapists on March 30, 2017. Here are exceprts from the Question & Answer period.
Often our religious and family environments in childhood carry forward into our adult sex lives. Even when we believe and want to be free in bed, often those early messages get in the way of our sexual fulfillment. In this mailbag episode, join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the impact of these early messages and how to overcome them.
Everyone has questions about what is normal in life, but particularly in our sex lives. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about specific questions of what is normal in sex.
Sexual lulls happen in every committed relationship -- periods of little or no sex. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Adam Mathews as they discuss why sexual lulls happen and how to get out of them.
Emotional connection is not the same as being highly emotional. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews and learn the five ways to build emotional connection with your partner.
Our communication with our lovers (and others) can be broken down into discrete bids for attention and interactions. In thsi episode of Foreplay, sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the role these bids play in seducation and sex.
Part 2 of the Keynote Speech author and sex therapist Laurie Watson gave to the Forsyth (NC) Medical Society "How to Keep Your Love Alive. September 1, 2016.
Keynote Speech author and sex therapist Laurie Watson gave to the Forsyth (NC) Medical Society "How to Keep Your Love Alive. September 1, 2016.
Every couple struggles in ways that are common -- The Power Struggle. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they dive into the whys and hows of the Power Struggle.
Do women want anal sex? Do they orgasm with anal sex? Do men find it more exciting than vaginal sex? Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews take on this trendy subject with honest answers to your questions.
Couples who have consistent, frequent sex have certain characteristics in common. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss these specific characteristics.
While it is important to be honest in our committed relationships, tact goes a long way to making takling about the sensitive areas surrounding sex. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the seven things not to say to your lover around sex.
Balancing the demands of work with family and your partner can be difficult. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they share strategies for keeping your relationship hot with the demands of work and home.
Sex follows a specific pattern from initiation to resolution. Understanding these stages helps to 'know where you are'. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Adam Mathews as they lead you through the stages of sex.
Through the three trimesters of pregnancy, a woman's body changes in different ways, but that doesn't mean that sex can't be good. Join author and certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the changes in a woman's body at the different stages of pregnancy and how to keep sex alive and hot during pregnancy.
It's a new year and it is time for new year's resolutions -- including for sex! What sexolutions are you setting for 2017? Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the benefits and how-to's of sexolutions for 2017.
The painful impact of infidelity in a relationship can be overcome with hard work and direct communication. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk through the process of recovering from infidelity.
Straightforward 'how-to' guide to using the time at the holidays to 'sex up' your relationship. Listen as author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Adam Mathews as they talk about sexy gifts and how to further your relationship during the hurly-burly of the holidays.
Sex is often snagged in the relational problems of attachment -- the pull between closeness and autonomy. To improve sex, understanding this relational tension is essential. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explore how pursuers and distancers come together in sex.
The foundation for a healthy sex life comes from our ability to be attached to others. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they explain this important foundation for your sex life.
Unspoken and explicit rules for sex: when, where, and how sex can happen with your partner can limit our sexual expression. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and pyschotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss bringing these rules into a conversation with our partner.
Often seduction seems to fade after the initial courtship in a committed relationship. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss the four questions to discuss with your partner to bring seduction back to a relationship and keep it hot!
Conflict drives true intimacy! Too many couples want to eliminate conflict in their relationship; but to be intimate requires healthy conflict. Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss how to build a backlog of good sex and emotional connectedness that will allow conflicts to help build rather than destroy your relationship.
Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews as they answer and discuss letters and questions that you the listeners have sent in. What if you aren’t currently in a relationship? How do you keep your sexual self alive? How can you have a satisfying sexual relationship when one of the people in the couple struggles with chronic pain?
What to do if one partner travels? How to manage the separation and make your time together a time for reconnection and building your relationship. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews share ideas for managing the stress of travel.
Make Up Sex. The best way to end an argument! Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the reasons behind the best sex after a conflict.
Halloween and sex! What the emphasis on sexuality in women's Halloween costumes reveals about how our current culture views a woman's sexuality. Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and her co-host Dr. Adam Mathews hold the mirror of Halloween to discuss the impact of culture on sexuality.
What can we do when we feel inadequate in bed or fear that we're not doing it right. How to manage the expectations we all have in bed. Join certified sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and her co-host pyschotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews in exploring this sensitive topic.
Breast cancer survivors suffer additional sexual side effects in addition to the gross impact to her physical breasts. From the point of diagnosis onward, breast cancer has a big impact on a women's sexual life. Join popular author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the huge impact of breast cancer on a woman's sexual relationship. Even if you aren't impacted directly by breast cancer, many of the points Laurie and Adam make can benefit anyone's sex life.
Masturbation is often a charged topic with many individuals and couples. The messages we receive about masturbation can influence our current sexual relationships. Join popular author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss maturbation through adolescence and into adulthood, as well as it's impact on coupled sex.
Time to turn the tables. This week we take on the men, with 5 common mistakes that men make in bed. Join popular author and certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews as they share these pitfalls to avoid.
In this solo episode, author and sex therapist Laurie Watson talks about five of the common mistakes women make in bed, including focusing on body flaws and initiating too subtly.
Men and women approach sex often with different views of what is 'ideal'. Men are geared to the immediate, athletic style; women to more sensual and romantic. Balancing these differences can make our sexual relationship dynamic and hot! Join popular author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psycotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews talk about sex from the male viewpoint.
The popular conception is that a larger penis results in better sex. Join author and certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and her co-host psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews as they talk about the real world impact of penis size on sexual satisfaction.
Is the G-Spot real? Does every woman have one? Where is it? How to stimulate it? Join certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the elusive G-Spot and how to discover it, and employ it in your sex life.
Contrary to our cultural assumptions, men can be inhibited sexually just as easily as women. Join certified sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and Dr. Adam Mathews discuss the underlying reasons and cures for sexual inhibition in men.
Afraid you've lost attraction to your partner? Certified Sex Therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Matthews explain why attraction can lessen in long-term relationships. Learn practical and psychological ways to feel desire again for your partner or spouse. This episode is the final episode with lessened sound quality. We'll be back next week with our awesome quality level of sound.
Find out the reasons behind Erectile Dysfunction and ways to cope with this syndrome to maintain a satisfying sexual relationship.
Find out some great ideas for sexy getaways from certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and Dr. Adam Matthews.
With laptops and smartphones, technology can seem like a third partner in a relationship. Listen to Laurie and Adam suggest ways to deal with this intrusive partner.
After a sexual trauma, whether recent or not, a satisfying sexual relationship can be difficult to recover for a women. Listen to Certified Sex Therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Adam Matthews discuss this sensitive topic. Dealing with the shame and pain of a past violation needs to be talked through and healed.
Cunnilingus is an essential part of pleasing your woman. Listen in to a frank, helpful discussion of this essential part of love and sex.
With wedding season upon us, Laurie and Adam turn to discussing honeymoons and the relational changes that occur -- even for long-term couples.
Faith and sexuality are not mutually exclusive, but can support and enhance each other. Often however in many faith practices, even knowledge about sex is ignored or suppressed, which can lead to problems once sex is allowed and expected in marriage. Listen to Laurie Watson and Dr. Adam Mathews discuss this delicate subject.
Discrepancies in desire are a stress on a relationship, and are common at different times in a relationship. Listen to sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and Adam Matthews provide helpful insight and tips for dealing with desire discrepancies in this first Mailbag episode where we respond to your questions. If you have a question, visit us at www.foreplayrst.com.
Following up on last week's episode on talking to your younger children about sex, join Foreplay as we discuss talking to your teenagers about sex. Learn how to not only talk to them, but have them talk to you!
Talking to your kids about sex may be the most dreaded conversation for many parents. Some parents may never have a frank discussion with their children on the topic of sex. Learn what to say and when to say it; give your children a great start to a future healthy sexual relationship.
A woman who is betrayed in a relationship can feel inadequate and insecure. Laurie and Adam use the lyrics of Lemonade by Beyoncé to explore the feelings that follow an affair.
Recovery from an Affair – The delicate process of recovering from an affair; what works best for restoring the relationship.
Pornography – The wide-ranging impact of pornography: what it is and how it impacts couples, including difficulties in arousal, attraction, and relationship.
Fantasies can play an essential role in keeping a sexual relationship vibrant. Men and women's fantasies differ and understanding the differences can heighten the couple's experience together.
Variety and creativity in sex can both make our sexual relationship sizzling, but it can also be a source of tension. Join Laurie Watson, author of "Wanting Sex Again" and her co-host discuss variety!
What is an affair? It can be broader than sex-outside-the-relationship. Different people have different definitions, which leads to tension within the relationship. Who can we be for our partner? Join Laurie and Tony as they discuss the difficulties of affairs.
Talking is one of the most underrated parts of Foreplay... and it can begin in the morning and last all day long. Join Laurie Watson and her co-host Tony Delmedico for this important, and overlooked, way to improve your sex life.
Premature Ejacualtion -- the number 1 sexual dysfunction for men is easily cured. Author Michael Castleman joins Laurie and gives vital information about the steps to cure PE.
Visit Michael's amazon page and his blog.
Kissing often falls off in a long-term relationship. As the eyes are the window to the soul, kissing is the window to the heart. Join the conversation with Laurie and Tony!
If you have topics that you'd like to hear about, email us at info@foreplayrst.com.
The frequency of sex in a relationship can change suddenly -- whether on the honeymoon, when partners decide to live together, or at other points when life crowds in and crowds out sex. Join Laurie and Tony as they discuss why this happens and what can be done about it. Email the questions you want Laurie and Tony to address to info@foreplayrst.com. Visit us on the web at www.foreplayrst.com.
Erectile dysfunction in men 45 and older in a partnered relationship is a problem with solutions. Listen to Laurie and Tony distinguish physiological ED and partnered ED and offer approaches to solve this problem in this podcast spurred by a question from a listener. If you want Laurie and Tony to address a question you are concerned about, email info@foreplayrst.com.
Having your desire synced with your partner's may sound ideal, but rare in practice. Find out how to get back in the game when you are not in the mood.
Raising young children can dampen sexual desire and frequency. Find out how to keep it hot when you have tots.
Men describe the frustration of disappearing oral sex in a committed relationship. Find out how to restore this essential part of foreplay.
Is Valentine's Day a holiday just for her? Or does this big day have mutual obligations?
Foreplay -- What's it all about? Why is foreplay essential for the sex life you want to have. How can you keep your sexual relationship hot!? Join author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller discuss their goals in offering Foreplay Radio.