Fight For Love: Recent Episodes
Fight For Love
Join LifeWay author and founder of Fight For Love Ministries, Rosie Makinney, as she tackles everything you need to know about helping your porn addicted spouse. By introducing you to the best resources and experts available, this honest and upbeat show will educate and motivate you to take proactive action to take back your marriage from porn.
Over the weeks you will discover:
- Why time is of the essence when porn is rewiring your husband's brain.
- Why trying to compete with porn only makes things worse..
- What is the best thing you can do for your husband
- What recovery from porn addiction looks like.
- How to rebuild marriage after traumatizing sex
- Why betrayal causes trauma in the brain
- How to help your spouse develop empathy
- What fighting against porn will do for you, your marriage, your family, and your faith.
We made it to 100 episodes!
And there’s no better way to mark this moment than by coming back to where it all began—real stories, honest voices, and a bucket full of hope.
In this special episode, Rosie is joined by familiar voices from the early days—Mindy, Miranda, Ruth, and Marzena—women who have walked the long road of recovery and come out the other side. Not perfectly. Not painlessly. But deeply transformed.
Together, we ask the question so many of you are quietly carrying:
What does recovery actually look like… years later?
And perhaps even more importantly:
Is there really hope on the other side of this?
Their answers are not polished or theoretical—they’re lived.
You’ll hear how recovery becomes less of a checklist and more of a way of life. How honesty, vulnerability, and connection stop feeling like effort and start becoming second nature. How the tools you build in the early days become anchors in the storms you never saw coming.
Each story is different—some continued in groups, some now lead others—but the thread is the same:
healing that overflows.
Into families.
Into churches.
Into communities.
Across countries.
This is what it looks like when God does more than just “get you through.”
This is what it looks like when He restores, strengthens, and sends you back out with something to give.
You’ll also hear a gentle but brave invitation:
to step out of hiding,
to tell your story,
and to discover that freedom often begins the moment you walk into the light.
Because here’s the truth we want you to hold onto—
whether you’re at day one or year ten:
It gets better.
Not easier in every way.
But fuller. Stronger. More grounded. More free.
And you are not alone.
So wherever you are today—
tired, hopeful, unsure, or hanging on by a thread—
let this episode be your reminder:
There is hope on the other side. And it’s worth staying for.
What if some of the most common beliefs about sex today were built on deeply flawed science?
In this episode of Fight For Love, Rosie Makinney pulls back the curtain on Alfred Kinsey—the researcher whose work helped redefine what the modern world considers “normal” sexual behavior.
After Freud argued that repression was dangerous, Kinsey arrived with something even more persuasive: statistics. His reports claimed to reveal what Americans were really doing behind closed doors. The results were explosive. Behaviors once considered unthinkable suddenly looked common—and once something appears common, culture begins to treat it as normal.
But there’s a side of this story that most people have never heard.
In this episode, Rosie walks you through the disturbing and controversial foundations behind Kinsey’s research—data drawn from prison populations, sex offenders, and underground sexual networks that somehow came to define “normal” human behavior. You’ll hear why critics across multiple disciplines have questioned his methods for decades, and why the consequences of those studies still echo through conversations about pornography, sexual empowerment, and even childhood sexuality today.
If you’ve ever wondered why modern sexual norms feel so radically different from previous generations, or why restraint is sometimes portrayed as unhealthy, this episode will connect the dots.
Because before a culture changes its behavior, it usually changes what it believes is normal.
And few people did more to reshape that definition than Alfred Kinsey.
This week, Rosie Makinney takes us on a thought-provoking journey through the origins of our cultural beliefs about sex, self-control, and repression. Drawing back the curtain on Sigmund Freud’s lasting influence, Rosie Makinney explores how modern notions about sexual desire, restraint, and guilt have been quietly shaped by one man’s radical theories in turn-of-the-century Vienna.
We’ll unpack how phrases like “boys will be boys” and “men are just wired that way” are rooted in Freud’s controversial ideas about repression, and examine the seismic shift that moved sexual self-control from a virtue to something seen as potentially damaging. Join us as we trace how these psychological frameworks have woven themselves into everyday advice, church conversations, and even marital dynamics—sometimes overshadowing Biblical wisdom about mutuality and self-government.
Get ready to question what you’ve inherited, rethink cultural assumptions, and discover why understanding these roots is essential for navigating love, faith, and healthy relationships.
In this powerful and wide-ranging conversation, Rosie explores the concept of power — specifically, how sex can quietly shift from covenantal connection to a method of self-regulation… and ultimately become leverage inside relationships and culture.
What happens when intimacy stops being mutual self-giving and becomes stress relief?
What happens when appetite governs us instead of character?
And what happens to a society when that shift occurs at scale?
This episode traces that pattern across history — and brings it right into our modern digital moment.
Regulation vs. Covenant
Rosie introduces the concept of the “regulation-ship.”
When sex becomes the way we regulate our internal world —
to soothe stress, manage anxiety, or stabilize emotion —
it slowly reshapes intimacy itself.
Instead of two people building a relationship rooted in covenant, commitment, and mutual self-gift, intimacy becomes organized around relief.
And relief is powerful.
When relief becomes central, sex becomes leverage.
Historical Patterns of Desire & Power
This is not a new story.
Rosie draws on:
Augustine of Hippo and his concept of libido dominandi — the lust to dominate.
Thomas Aquinas, who warned that unchecked desire narrows our moral vision and clouds judgment.
Throughout history, thinkers have understood that appetite, when ungoverned, does not simply satisfy — it reshapes perception.
Whatever governs desire, governs the person.
And when this happens collectively, it reshapes nations.
Ancient Rome: From Discipline to Indulgence
Rome did not collapse overnight.
It shifted.
From civic discipline and family order
to indulgence and entitlement.
As sexual boundaries loosened and family structures weakened, leaders attempted moral reforms — but virtue cannot be legislated back once appetite has become expectation.
When restraint fades, authority eventually fills the vacuum.
French Revolution: The Erosion of Restraint
Changing ideas about authority, restraint, and moral order weakened France long before the revolution exploded.
When crisis came, society lacked shared foundations.
What followed was chaos — and then a desperate demand for clarity and control.
Revolutions often promise freedom.
They frequently end in enforcement.
Weimar Germany: Permissiveness Amid Instability
Berlin in the 1920s became synonymous with sexual experimentation and nightlife culture.
But underneath the permissiveness was anxiety, fragmentation, and economic instability.
When social bonds weaken and meaning erodes, people often seek relief.
Relief feels like freedom.
But relief cannot stabilize a culture.
Soviet Union: The “Glass of Water” Theory
Early Bolshevik thinkers promoted the idea that sexual expression should be as simple and consequence-free as drinking a glass of water.
The traditional family was viewed as a competing loyalty to the state.
The result?
Rapid social unraveling.
Eventually, under Joseph Stalin, family structures were re-enforced from above — not through virtue, but through authority.
When internal restraint collapses, external control increases.
The Modern Digital Age: Pornography as Efficient Power
Today, pornography is arguably the most efficient form of libido dominandi ever created.
Instant.
Private.
Algorithmically amplified.
For the first time in human history, adolescents have unlimited access to sexual imagery without relational cost.
The consequences are emerging in:
Increased anxiety and fragmentation
Altered relational expectations
Growing governmental interest in digital regulation and surveillance
When appetite scales digitally, governance follows.
Central Questions from This Episode
- What ultimately shapes society — restraint or appetite?
- What are we willing to trade for stability?
- When children are at risk, how much authority are we willing to grant in exchange for protection?
- How do we reclaim intimacy from becoming a regulation-ship?
Final Encouragement
Rosie closes with this challenge:
True freedom is not the absence of restraint. It is self-government anchored in truth.
Healthy relationships are built on covenant, not coping.
On mutual self-gift, not mutual regulation.
In a culture governed by appetite, choosing discipline, character, and clarity becomes an act of quiet resistance.
Take heart. Stay curious. And keep leaning into the One who holds you steady.
In this thoughtful and compassionate episode, Rosie Makinney addresses the deeply personal struggles women face when confronting the false belief that simply being more sexually available will solve problems stemming from a spouse's pornography use. She speaks directly to two groups: women quietly enduring rejection and those who feel they can never do enough, highlighting the emotional toll both dynamics take.
Rosie Makinney explores how Western culture and history—starting with the Enlightenment and the Industrial Revolution—have shifted the meaning and purpose of sex within marriage. Rather than fostering connection, sex has too often become a way to regulate tension and manage internal stresses, paving the way for pornography to enter relationships not as an outlier, but as a symptom of a much deeper system.
She offers gentle affirmation that the pain women experience in these scenarios is not proof of personal inadequacy, but a result of cultural and relational forces they did not create. Ultimately, Rosie Makinney reminds listeners that clarity is essential for healing, and that it's possible to step out of shame and into a deeper understanding of the real battle taking place.
Key Topics Covered
The Emotional Cost of Rejection: Why repeated rejection fosters feelings of invisibility and self-doubt (00:00–04:27).
Transactional Intimacy: How the pressure to "do more" can lead to exhaustion and disconnection, as sex becomes a tool for stabilizing a partner's emotions instead of building closeness.
Cultural Shifts: Historical roots of how sex came to be used for managing internal pressures rather than fostering shared intimacy (starting with the Enlightenment and continuing through the Industrial Revolution).
Pornography as Symptom: How pornography intersects with these patterns, offering relief without relationship, and ultimately displacing genuine intimacy.
It's Not Your Fault: Reassurance that women's experiences are shaped by systems and beliefs they didn't choose—and that their pain is real and valid.
Clarity Leads to Healing: Understanding these patterns is the first step in moving away from shame and toward true healing.
Notable Quotes
“What you’re feeling makes sense, and it’s not evidence of your inadequacy, I promise.”
"Sex starts to feel less like something shared and more like something that keeps the peace. Not because you don’t care, but because it feels like the cost of emotional stability."
"Pornography makes a kind of sense. It offers control over arousal, over timing, over outcome... That’s why pornography doesn’t just exist alongside intimacy, it quietly displaces it."
"This was never about you. It wasn’t your body. It wasn’t your effort. It wasn’t your failure. You were trying to love inside rules you didn’t write."
Resources & Next Steps
For more support, truth, and encouragement, visit fightforloveministries.com
Takeaway:
You are not alone, and the struggle you’re experiencing is not your fault. Understanding the broader cultural patterns can bring relief, validation, and the first steps toward authentic connection and healing.
In this powerful solo episode, Rosie Makinney unpacks the familiar phrase "pornography is every man's battle" and explores why it can feel so unsettling—especially to women. Far from simply offering reassurance, that phrase, Rosie contends, acts as a form of misdirection, subtly lowering resistance and shifting focus away from the deep, formational impact of pornography on individuals and relationships.
Key Discussion Points
The Phrase "Every Man's Battle":
Often used in church circles, this phrase can unintentionally minimize the seriousness and formative power of pornography. Rosie Makinney dissects how it reframes the struggle in a way that makes it seem inevitable and merely manageable, rather than something requiring ongoing, intentional resistance.
Sexual Imagery and Formation:
Drawing parallels with marketing and advertising, Rosie highlights how repeated exposure to sexual imagery shapes our desires, attention, and even attachments over time—often subconsciously.
Biblical Context & Spiritual Stakes:
Rosie Makinney dives into scripture’s treatment of sex as spiritually weighty and transformative. She discusses how sexual distortion is never treated as a “side issue” in the Bible and connects this with modern conversations on autonomy and self-regulation.
Minimization & Passivity:
The language we use shapes what we tolerate and how we respond. By treating pornography as inevitable or common, we can become less honest, less equipped, and more passive in the face of its formative effects.
Role of Practice Over Belief:
Using the example of ancient idolatry versus modern patterns, Rosie explains that it’s often our repeated practices—not just our professed beliefs—that shape us most.
Freedom and Transformation:
The episode concludes with a call for honesty, clarity, and the courage to renounce—not negotiate with—what’s formative and destructive. The gospel, Rosie argues, doesn't promise management of idols but true freedom and transformation.
Key Quotes
“When we minimize what shapes us, we don’t make life easier—we make ourselves less equipped to respond honestly.”
“Inevitability is not a gospel category. The gospel says: You were enslaved, but you have been set free.”
“Clarity isn’t cruelty. It’s kindness. And in a war that hides in plain sight, naming what forms us is the first step towards real freedom.”
Resources & Next Steps
Visit fightforloveministries.com for more truth, tools, and encouragement.
Listen to last week's episode for deeper biblical and historical context on sex and formation.
Take heart. Stay curious. Continue leaning into the One who holds you steady.
00:00 "Rethinking the Battle on Pornography"
03:03 "Rethinking Pornography's Influence"
06:59 "Scripture's View on Sex"
09:40 "From God to Self-Worship"
15:30 "Who or What Shapes Us?"
16:31 "Trusting God Amid Human Struggles"
Have you ever felt that pornography doesn’t just feel uncomfortable… it feels dark?
Not awkward.
Not “just a habit.”
But heavy — in a way that’s hard to explain.
Welcome to this thought-provoking episode of Fight For Love, where host Rosie Makinney takes us on a deep dive into a question many have felt but struggled to articulate: Why does pornography feel so dark? In this episode, Rosie explores the roots of this uncomfortable instinct, tracing it back through history, ancient ritual, and Scripture. You'll discover how sex has always held profound spiritual and formative power—not just as an act, but as something that shapes trust, identity, and destiny.
Drawing on stories of ancient pagan deities like Baal, Asherah, and Ishtar, Rosie reveals how sexual acts were central to worship, community, and personal security thousands of years ago. She explains how these patterns have quietly woven themselves into modern life, often hiding behind normalization and habit rather than loud rebellion.
This episode isn’t just about history—it’s about understanding the spiritual weight behind our cultural practices today, especially those that take something sacred and turn it into spectacle, consumption, and control. If you’ve ever felt uneasy about the presence of pornography and wondered if you’re overreacting, this conversation will validate your instincts and equip you with a richer perspective.
Join Rosie as she gently but powerfully shines a light on the unseen war that pornography wages—not by shaming, but by restoring clarity, truth, and hope.
In this powerful new chapter of Fight For Love, host Rosie Makinney reframes the battle against pornography as a war on truth itself. Through the timeless fairy tale of the Princess and the Pea, Rosie explores the deep spiritual sensitivity of betrayed wives, likening their discomfort and intuition to a holy birthright rather than fragility. She challenges cultural narratives that minimize the impact of betrayal, and encourages women to honor their discernment as part of their royal identity in Christ. This episode is a call to courage, truth-telling, and reclaiming covenant dignity in a world eager to numb it.
This week's episode is an intimate conversation between Rosie Makinney and her husband, Mark, as they dive straight into the spiritual heart of pornography addiction. No punches are pulled in their conversation as they tackle the spiritual root of addiction, and the need for individuals to fully surrender control and rely on God for recovery. Drawing from their own crazy story, their love for the stories of C.S.Lewis, and many years of working in the trenches with couples in recovery, Mark and Rosie reframe this painful and difficult journey as a potential source of unexpected and tremendous blessings. This is one to enjoy with your partner!
www.fightforloveministries.org
www.markmakinney.com
Are you concerned about how to raise your children in today's hypersexualized culture? In this episode of "Fight For Love," host Rosie Makinney welcomes guest Barb Winters, an expert in promoting healthy relationships. They dive deep into the challenges parents face, such as discovering their children's engagement in undesirable behaviors like sending nudes, and watching pornographic videos. Barb and Rosie acknowledge the difficulties parents encounter and emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and consequences while being present and available for their children. They shed light on the alarming reality that children are not only preyed upon by the pornography industry but are also victims. To confront this issue, the conversation turns to the significance of starting conversations about the dangers of pornography from a young age. They discuss the importance of understanding the devices children have access to and having calm conversations about their behavior to alleviate fear of judgment or punishment. Barb shares a personal story about her son's involvement with pornography and the steps they took as a family to address it. Barb's book Sexpectations is a valuable resource, providing insights into what a healthy relationship looks like and practical advice for what to do when your kids have been exposed to porn. Share this episode with the parents of your children's friends as an easy way to open up the discussion and get on the same page.
Are you struggling to understand your husband's behavior and suspect that he may have a mood or personality disorder? In this episode, Rosie is joined by Julie St.Onge, an expert on mental health and addiction, to dive into the importance of mental health screenings and how they can impact the journey of recovery from addiction. Julie discusses the different types of mood and personality disorders, including sociopathy, histrionic behavior, narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and ADD, and also explains how these disorders can affect behavior, emotions, and attachment styles. Listening to this episode will provide you with valuable insights and a deeper understanding of the potential underlying issues that may be contributing to your husband's actions. Julie offers practical advice on navigating these complex challenges, including the need for long-term therapy and the importance of comprehensive evaluations, such as psych evaluations and MMPI tests. Today's episode is all about giving you the clarity and tools you need to support your husband and make informed decisions about your future.
https://outofthefog.website/
https://newenglandcoachingservices.com/
https://fightforloveministries.org/
Today, Tim Muehlhoff, author, speaker and professor of communication at Biola University, joins Rosie on the show to delve into the fascinating topic of Spiritual Warfare in marriage, especially in marriages struggling because of a pornography addiction. In this episode they discuss the tactics of Satan and look at all the ways he attempts to discourage and divide us. Praying warfare prayers does have to be complicated or scary, it's all a matter of understanding your authority, or rather whose authority you represent. Grab your sword, and your coffee, and take a listen!
Defending Your Marriage book
Join the Fight For Love Facebook group
Joining Rosie today to tackle the bewildering and overwhelming topic of having your husband arrested for illegal sexual acting out are Jen, Rebecca and Lynn.
In this extended episode we cover how to:
- Cope in the early days following a shocking, and often public, discovery,
- Make the decision whether to stay in the relationship,
- Deal with people talking about you and giving unwanted advice.
- Manage day to day when your husband is not around,
- Best help your children.
- Create a recovery plan after release.
And even though it is hard to listen to the pain and devastation that this addiction causes, the hope and faith that these ladies share towards the end of the episode is truly redemptive and beautiful.
Join the private FB group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/FightForLoveFellowship
If you feel like your sexual identity has been shattered following betrayal, it's hard to imagine ever feeling positive towards sex again. Here to help us tackle this sensitive and painful topic is author/coach/founder of StrongWives, and co-host of the popular Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast, Bonny Burns. In today's conversation we look at how betrayal ruptures our sexual identity and the steps you can take to reclaim it.
Sexual Clarity Group with Bonnie
Unlocking Your Orgasm book
When you are dating someone who is struggling with pornography evaluating whether you have a long term future together is complex and tricky.
To help us tackle this difficult decision we have broken it down into 3 parts:
Step 1 - Evaluating your own Struggle with Singledom
Step 2: Understanding the reality of marrying a porn addict
Step 3 - Assessing the strength of your partner's recovery and long term likelihood of sobriety.
Joining Rosie on the show today to explore step 1 is the founder and director of SheRecovery.com, Crystal Renaud Day who has written the immensely helpful guide to singleness and dating Dating Done Right. Written as the guide she had always searched for as a single Christian living in the aftermath of the purity culture, Crystal shares the value of pursuing contentment right where you are, which will in turn give you the best chance of discerning exactly who the right husband is for you.
If you would like to be considered to be part of the next podcast panel sharing your experience of dating a porn addict, whether you decided to go ahead and get engaged/married or not, we would love to hear from you. Email rosie@fightforloveministries.org and leave a brief voice mail telling her what you think women in this situation need to hear.
If you have ever felt deep in your bones that there is something dreadfully wrong with the way the world AND the church think about sex, then this episode is a MUST LISTEN. Returning to the show is clinical psychologist and founder of Authentic Intimacy, Dr. Juli Slattery, to talk about her mind-blowing and paradigm-shifting new book ‘God Sex and Your Marriage.’ Juli brings a much needed perspective, reframing our painful sex lives and helping us understand how the pursuit of true sexual intimacy begins not in the bedroom but in the throne room. Eminently relatable and practical, Juli’s words of wisdom are just the tonic for anyone who feels stuck and demoralized about their sex life.
Buy Juli's Book God Sex and Your Marriage
Authentic Intimacy
Buy Rosie's Book Fight For Love
Fight For Love Website
https://www.podcastics.com/episode/39830/link/
Today in the second part of our divorce panel, we get down to brass tacks and discuss what the process of getting divorced looked like for Ruth, Tami and Jen. We talk about finding the right legal help, other forms of support, timelines, and knowing best when to try and negotiate things on your own. Using their hard won wisdom, the panel share all the things that they wished someone had told them before they started travelling this path, and also what they have learnt about themselves and their relationship with God through this process.
Returning to the show to help unpack one of the most common questions we receive here at Fight For Love are Ruth, Jen and Tami. Deciding whether to hang in there for a bit longer or to call it quits is one of the most difficult decisions a betrayed partner can face. There are no easy answers, every situation is unique. However, there are common threads that can bring validation and clarity to those in the painful and confusing fog. Today our panelists take us through the emotional, mental and spiritual journey of deciding to get divorced, sharing all the things they learnt along the way with honesty and compassion. And for those of you desperate for a glimmer of hope, curl up somewhere cozy and listen in to these precious ladies describing what their life is like now compared to how it was before.
Next time you get overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy because you think you can't compete with the women in pornography, take 10 for yourself and listen to this.
- Put a post it on your mirror that reminds you to look up every time you look in. The relief you seek from a broken covenant can never be found in your reflection, only in Christ.
- Take heart, God is using this deep pain of comparison to draw you into a deeper level of intimacy with Him. He is inviting you to bravely open that pressure valve, to look inside yourself, locate the pieces of your broken heart and hand them over.
- Remember, you don’t need to try harder to fix your outside, what you need is divine intervention to heal and restore your inside.
- Take a listen to Oxygen Mask #1 - When you don't feel Strong Enough
- Fight For Love Website
For those of you who have struggled with pornography yourself, or have ever felt pressured by your partner to watch it with him or create images of yourself, this episode is for you.
Jessica Harris is a leading voice and trail-blazer on the topic of female porn usage who shares with a level of honesty and insight that is literally shifting attitudes around the world. Jessica joins me today to talk about her own struggle with pornography and the invitation to grace that she found in the midst of her secret shame. And even if this isn't your own personal struggle, do take a listen as she gives ESSENTIAL guidance on how to help those you know who are dealing with this.
Buy Jessica's book Quenched
Connect with Jessica at her website
Jessica's Instagram
Buy Rosie's book Fight For Love
If you need a shot in the arm of positivity and encouragement, this is the episode for you. Jennifer Hand is the equivalent of a storm chaser. Where others might pick up the phone and text in a donation, Jenn will pick up the phone and literally book a flight. In the aftermath of terrible tragedies Jenn can be found ministering on the ground, and equipping others to do the same. Wonderfully relatable, delightfully uncoordinated, and infectiously joyful, Jenn inspires and equips us to face the challenges of the season that we find ourselves in by reminding us of just who our God is.
My Yes Is On the Table - Buy the Book!
https://comingaliveministries.com/
https://www.instagram.com/comingalivejenn/
To find further resources and join the free Fight For Love support group head on over to Fight For Love Ministries web page
Fight For Love - Buy Rosie's Book!
Empathy by the recovering addict for their betrayed partner is essential component of reconnecting and healing, but learning how to become empathetic takes work and practice. Joining me today to talk about her powerful Early Recovery Couples work is the wise and wonderful Carol Juergensen Sheets. With it's focus on developing those all important empathy skills, Carol's workbook Help Her Heal not only helps addicts understand what their betrayed partner is feeling but also lays out a roadmap for rebuilding lost trust and intimacy. Grab a cuppa, and get comfy for this hope filled conversation!
www.blogtalkradio.com/ betrayalrecoveryradio
www.blogtalkradio.com/sexhelpwithcarolthecoach
We are know there is no silver bullet when it comes to preventing our loved ones from accessing porn, however today we introduce you to man whose company's mission is to get as close as possible. Using technology developed in Israel to scan for nudity in real time, Canopy offers a level of protection and range of features not yet seen in the US market. Sean Clifford, CEO of Canopy invites Fight For Love listeners to be part of the next generation of this software, using our feedback to help thousands of other couples world wide!
BREAKING OFFER: To sign up use the promo code FIGHTFORLOVE at www.canopy.us for a free month and 20% off subscription (This is hot off the press so if the code doesn't work yet try again in a few days and it will be working.)
Also make sure you are signed up at our newsletter at www.fightforloveministries.org so we can contact you with details of how to give feedback to Sean.
Lastly, this is the last in the current season of Fight For Love. We are all taking a little break for a couple of months, but do not panic we have not gone anywhere and will be back with season 4 shortly. Use this time to get caught up on past episodes!
Today we come alongside those of you who are feeling tempted to seek, or have already sought, comfort outside of your marriage to cope with the pain of being neglected and/or betrayed by your spouse . Christy Neal is an advocate for women who feel tainted and cast out after adultery. As the author of Don't Ever Tell and the podcast host of Everyone Has a Voice she is the catalyst for hope and healing she desperately needed but never found a decade ago after her own affair.
If you feel crushed and broken by your partner's persistent emotional distance and neglect, this is the episode for you. Today we are so blessed to have Karen Rellos, Certified APSAT coach, Certified AASAT Intimacy Anorexia Coach and founder of Restored Hope Coaching & Redeeming Love Marriage Ministry, with us to share her incredible story of finding her voice and restoring her marriage after years of soul-crushing emotional neglect and abuse. Grab a fluffy blanket, a cup of tea, a box of tissues and join us for this validating, honest and inspiring conversation.
If you have ever felt invalidated, confused and manipulated, found yourself second guessing your instincts, or had trouble making decisions, this episode is for you. Living with someone who is intentionally, or even unintentionally gaslighting, is a confusing, painful and lonely prison. Eroding your ability to connect with your authentic self, gaslighting steadily robs you of your self-worth and true power. Sarah Morales, relationship coach, host of Deconstructing Gaslighting™ podcast and speaker, joins me today to help you understand and identify gaslighting in your life and relationships.
We keep talking about "Recovery" for partners and how important it is, but what does that actually mean? What will you actually be working on when you enter recovery, and why is it so important to find an experienced guide? Joining me today to give us a candid closeup of three stages of the healing process is Lisa Taylor, an APSAT trained Christian counselor specializing in sex addiction and betrayal trauma.
The Three Stages of Betrayal -Trauma Recovery:
Stage 1 - Establishing Safety
Stage 2 - Remembering & Mourning
Stage 3 - Reconnecting
To connect with Lisa, follow her research, and access her incredible blog www.beyondbetrayal.community
Naked Truth Project
To access Fight For Love resources, join the Fight For Love support group, download a free devotional for partners, or purchase our Biblical Battleplan go to Fight For Love Website
A heartfelt message from me to you, my dear exhausted sister. A short exhortation to encourage and equip you to stand firm when the enemy tries to convince you that you are not strong enough for this fight.
Music credits
Lucid by The Seraphim Project https://www.worshipstart.com/royalty-free-music/p/bg-horizon-by-hoyle-96wha-6krzg-yyxy6-ge9hl-44nr3-ax5j7-wggmy-25zrf-lf3d3-rfx3z-lzhaz-p9znc-3rs4w-hbrfw-yr8y4
Loop 4 by Soundology & Co https://www.worshipstart.com/royalty-free-music/p/bg-horizon-by-hoyle-96wha-6krzg-yyxy6-ge9hl-44nr3-ax5j7-wggmy-25zrf-lf3d3-rfx3z-lzhaz-p9znc-xbwl6-rhmza-3hcm9-d3b8l-p5l3p-8wdh5-cjptz-m5dgy-tpxdf-j75lh-3dp79-f66hr-l4mn9-r4rcj-2ws2d
Ancient Ones by Katie Overbeek https://www.worshipstart.com/royalty-free-music/p/bg-horizon-by-hoyle-96wha-6krzg-yyxy6-ge9hl-44nr3-ax5j7-wggmy-25zrf-lf3d3-rfx3z-lzhaz-p9znc-xbwl6-rhmza-3hcm9-d3b8l-p5l3p
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Whether or not you have a daughter, this is a ministry that you need to put on your radar. From her unique perspective as a betrayed wife and daughter, and a Certified Pastoral Sexual Addiction Specialist, Kristin Cary of Living Truth shares a message of hope and help for those impacted by a parent's problematic sexual behavior. Plus you are not going to want to miss hearing about their unique and totally free support group for daughters between the ages of 15-30.
For more information about Living Truth's Men in the Battle and Women in the Battle communities go to www.living-truth.org
Sign up for the next women's group just opened up! (as of 8/2/2021)
To access Fight For Love resources click here
If you are passionate about the topic of Human Trafficking, but the sheer scale of the problem leaves you feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed, this is a conversation that will hopefully turn things around for you. In this episode Raleigh Sadler, Author, Founder & Executive Director of Let My People Go shares with Rosie how acknowledging our own vulnerability is key to being able to identify and come alongside the most vulnerable people in our community, those who are often hidden in plain sight behind our false assumptions about human trafficking.
Click here to buy Raleigh's book Vulnerability : Rethinking Human Trafficking
Click here to be taken to the Fight For Love Website
Whether you are newly divorced and thinking about dating again, or wanting to relaunch yourself in your marriage, Jenni Rochelle brings an inspiring message of hope and healing. With her contagious vibrancy, Jenni unpacks the daunting process of learning to trust again, and makes it seem possible for every women to embrace her own big sexy comeback.
Don't forget to check out Jenni's podcast - Beauty after Betrayal and her 8-week Big Sexy Comeback Mentorship Group.
Special offer for Fight For Love listeners : Use the code Worthy100 for a $100 discount!
Check out our resources at the Fight For Love website
Come hang out with us at the Fight For Love Support Group
If you or your partner are currently in, or are thinking about signing up, for a Pure Desire group this is an episode you don't want to miss. Ashley Jameson, Author, Speaker and International Women's Group Coordinator, joins me today to chat through many of the questions and concerns that I have received from wives over the years about Pure Desire groups. Remember your job is not to fix your husband, but to help get him to a professional or a group who can. However, in order to do that, you need to know what to look out for in a good group. How can you tell if your husband is actually doing the work versus simply attending? What guidelines should his group be following? What tools should you, as his wife, be hearing about?
Calling all of you who are feeling weary and hopeless, come, sit and be comforted and inspired by Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith as they take you through their practical and profound step-by-step approach to creating a beautiful biblical level of intimacy out of the ashes of betrayal and addiction.
With their unique and irresistible style, Matthew and Joanna take us on a journey through the stages of honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability and intimacy.
This is one to listen to with your partner.
This is why we FIGHT FOR LOVE!
If you are curious about what really happens at a residential trauma intensive, take a listen to my conversation with Matt Wenger, Clinical Director of Boulder Recovery as he takes us behind the scenes at his 14-Day Intensive for men struggling with sex, porn, and relationship issues. The program uses the TINSA® treatment model (Trauma Induced Sexual Addiction) to heal the traumatic experiences and attachment wounds driving addictive behaviors and problematic thinking around sex and intimacy. Boulder Recovery is also the only Christian intensive in North America that includes support for partners impacted by the trauma of betrayal through online psychoeducation, care and interaction during the men’s intensive with a betrayal trauma specialist.
In this episode you will learn:
- How an intensive experience differs from weekly individual therapy
- What different healing modalities are used to treat trauma
- What actually happens during the different stages of the intensive
- What support for partners is available
- What is the best time to attend an intensive
Fight For Love Website
Fight For Love Book
Fight For Love Private Online Support Group
Dr Jake Porter, Licensed Professional Counselor, and founder and president of Daring Ventures, joins me today for a rich and deep dive into the brain of a betrayed partner. Drawing on his vast expertise in relational neurobiology and attachment theory, Jake compellingly explains the following:
- How betrayal trauma affects the brain
- Why triggers can feel overwhelming
- How you can begin to rebuild trust when your entire history feels like a lie.
- Why healing happens in relationships
- Why a full disclosure is essential
- What is couple-centered recovery
- How you and your partner can learn to co-regulate each other
Daring Ventures Website
Sign up for the FREE 40 Day Connection Challenge
Download the FREE Making Saves Tool
Fight For Love Website
Fight For Love Fellowship - Private Facebook Group for Betrayed Partners
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If you are struggling with feeling like you will never measure up in your husband's eyes, this is the episode for you. In this exploration of this dreadfully painful subject we shoot you straight with both the reality of the problem and the solution. Although some parts of our conversation may be hard to hear, dragging everything into the light is the only way forward. The biblical truths that Heather Creekmore, (author, speaker, and host of Compared To Who podcast ), shares today hold life and power to set you free from this debilitating and life-sucking issue.
Connect with Heather at www.comparedtowho.me
Fight For Love Website
If you have ever felt that small but insistent internal nudging to start your own group this is a conversation you don't want to miss. Donna Meredith Dixon from A Door Of Hope shares with us so many precious insights and wisdom about facilitating groups for betrayed partners, and introduces us to her unique 12 week peer facilitator training program. Topics we talk about include:
- What makes a good peer facilitator? Is it a natural or a learned skill, an art or a discipline?
- How do you hold in tension the needs of a group and the needs of the individual as the same time?
- What roles does a facilitator undertake at different stages of the groups development?
- How do you become more comfortable with uncomfortable situations?
- What do you need to be thinking about before you start your group, and as you end?
- Is compassion fatigue a real thing?
Find out more about A Door of Hope Facilitator Training at www.lifeisahead.com
To join the Fight For Love Facebook group click here.
To see the Fight For Love website/resources click here.
To buy the book Fight For Love click here.
Learning how to emotionally regulate yourself when you get triggered is a really useful skill in recovery. Today, partner coach Shawna Meek teaches us how to listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us, and shares techniques to help us bring our brains back on line and settle ourselves. From her own experience of being married to an intimacy avoidant spouse, Shawna also shares the best way to help someone who is acting in instead of acting out.
The cry of every betrayed wife's heart is to be truly heard, seen and validated by their husband, but is it really possible? Stacey Sadler, MA LPC CCPS, joins me today to share that yes, it really is! With her memorable step-by-step Victory through Validation program, anyone can develop or improve those all important empathy skills.
If pornography has hijacked your sex life and left you feeling traumatized, this episode is for you. With compassion and clarity, Dr Carol, (OB-Gyn physician, Doctor of Ministry, author, speaker, and personal coach,) jumps right into these murky waters to validate your experience, and to bring you the hope that things can be different, whether or not your husband is willing to get into recovery.
If the impact of betrayal trauma has rocked the very foundation of your faith this is an episode you don't want to miss. Cat Etherington from Naked Truth Project and Lyschel Burket from Hope Redefined join me to discuss the deeply lonely and painful spiritual struggles that women commonly experience as the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict.
Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, Sheila Wray Gregoire's The Great Sex Rescue pulls back the curtain on what is happening in Christian bedrooms and exposes the problematic teachings that wreck sex for so many couples. As a long overdue corrective to church culture, not to mention the typical advice given to wives in porn affected marriages, this book is poised to free thousands of couples from repressive and dissatisfying sex lives so that they can experience the kind of intimacy and wholeness God intended.
In this episode we celebrate the healing power of story with writer Jody who shares with us how she is now inspiring others to come out the shadows and embrace the restoration life that God has for them.
In this episode, SarahJean shares the devastation of discovering her husband's addiction to porn at the same time as becoming a first-time Mom. If you are wondering whether it is worth the pain of ripping off that Band-Aid, facing the porn in your relationship, and jumping into recovery, this is the episode you need to hear. After only six months of Fighting For Love SarahJean describes the remarkable changes that have occurred in her marriage.
Kicking off the New Year with a reminder of the spiritual dimension of our Fight For Love. In this incredible testimony, Stacey describes how her spiritual oppression physically manifested and how miraculous healing and divine appointments enabled her to face the porn use in her marriage.
In this episode we give you the inside scoop on what it's really like to be part of a wives recovery group. As daunting and scary as it was walking into our first group, all of us agree that the fellowship that we gained through recovery was absolutely life-changing. Recovery groups are real, and precious, not to mention avenues of healing - they will ruin you for other groups!
Essential listening for any couple walking through this path, this refreshingly honest couple describe the heartbreak, healing and transformation they have experienced in their own journey. They are the founders of Restored2More Ministry with coaching and workshops for couples, and the hosts of the weekly podcast Restored2More.
In today's 'In the Trenches' episode we hear Marzena's hope filled story as she describes how she and her husband have discovered a level of intimacy they never had before.
Listen in on this candid and laughter-filled conversation between two couples who have dedicated their lives to helping others walk this path. If you've ever wondered whether recovery is even possible when addicted spouses are critical, resentful and resistant to recovery, this is a must-listen.
Today's installment of our 'In the Trenches' series is Tami's story of learning how to love herself in order to be able to love others. Despite the heart ache of being currently separated, Tami is pursuing her own recovery vigorously, and has much hope and learned wisdom to share. And if you are unsure about joining a recovery group for yourself, this episode is a must-listen!
In this third installment of our 'In the Trenches' series we bring you Leeah's story of Fighting For Love, overcoming both bad advice and an unsupportive church environment. She also shares the practical steps taken by her and husband, plus the stories in the Bible that sustained and inspired her.
Today we bring you the second of our 'In the Trenches' series with Tanya's inspirational walk of faith through the pain and rejection of a porn affected marriage.
To encourage others to come out of the shadows and walk in the light about porn addiction in their marriage, our little band of brave women is stepping up like never before, boldly sharing why and how they are currently Fighting For Love in their marriages. Today we bring you the first of our 'In the Trenches' series with Jen's incredibly story of courage and faith straight from the frontline.
Fantasy in films and books is promoted and sold as a socially acceptable coping mechanism, and yet for those of us in difficult and painful situations it can develop into a self-destructive crutch. Joining us today to unpack the topic of fantasy addiction is Lacy Bentley, an award winning author, women's mentor and coach, and founder of Women United Recovery Coalition. In her warm, engaging, and compassionate way, Lacy takes us by the hand and leads us through this tender topic, and gives us a practical roadmap out of the shadows and into the light. If you are feeling a little apprehensive about this topic, fear not, there is no blaming or guilting in this episode just an inspiring call to step up, face the truth, heal your wounds, learn to love yourself, and move forward.
In this hope filled and inspiring conversation with Dr Juli Slattery, clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, we delve deep into the mystery and majesty of the purpose of sexuality as per God's design. Her most recent book Rethinking Sexuality is a resource like no other, brilliantly fleshing out exactly what we are fighting for when we Fight For Love in our relationships. Also don't forget to check out her podcast Java with Juli.
If you are seeking affordable, easily-accessible community and support for betrayal trauma here's another terrific option for you! Melissa Ruff is the director for Live Free Wives, a long-time group leader for betrayed women, and is studying to become a Licensed Professional Counselor. She lives with her husband of 13 years and their three wonderful children.
Melissa has walked the long road of healing from betrayal and knows the difficulties that betrayed spouses face. When she was in the thick of it, there was no community for her to join, and no one that felt safe enough to walk this journey with. That is why Melissa is incredibly passionate about Live Free Wives and cannot wait for you to join the Live Free Wives community!
This is the second part of my highly informative conversation with Marilyn Evans and Melody Bergman, founders of Parents Aware, and the hosts of the Media Savvy Moms Podcast.
In this episode we tackle:
- How to build up digital trust with our kids
- What to do if they have been exposed to pornography
- Signs that they might be addicted to pornography
- What to do if you suspect that they are addicted
- How to manage playdates and those awkward conversations with other parents
Joining us to talk about strategies and tools to help us protect our kids from pornography are passionate pioneers Marilyn Evans and Melody Bergman, founders of Parents Aware, and the hosts of the Media Savvy Moms Podcast. In the first of this two part conversation we are introduced to the wealth of resources freely available to help us tackle this difficult challenge and calm our fears.
Topics covered today include:
- Dealing with distance learning
- Anime
- Why we need to talk about healthy sexuality
- How to start conversation about porn when your kids are different ages,
- Where to start with technological solutions
Continuation of frank discussion with Mark, Jake and Josh. On today's episode they talk about going through 90 days of celibacy, relapses in recovery, action steps to rebuild trust , sharing triggers, temptation to lust at the beach, helping a wife's triggers, and how their life and their view of their spouse has changed in recovery.
Here to answer the questions that you really wanted answering are three of our husbands, Mark, Jake and Josh. On today's episode they talk about: what prompted them to get into recovery: how they felt about doing a full disclosure and joining a group; and what helped them learn how to be intimate and empathetic with us.
Why is having a partner addicted to porn so traumatic? How does trauma affect the body? Why is getting to the truth so important? Is your behavior controlling or are you just seeking safety? What can you do if your partner won't tell you the whole truth, or if they refuse to get into recovery? What can you do if you get triggered when you are with your partner? And why is it so important to deal with present betrayal trauma first before diving into past trauma work.
Sometimes the truth is easier to hear from somebody else. Someone who's been there, and isn't there any more. If you have a spouse who doesn't see why they should get into recovery, or even why you see it as such a problem here's an episode for you to share with them.
If you need to hear a message of hope today, this is the episode for you. So good we are running it again for those of you who have joined us recently.
In this episode Rosie reads the introduction and Chapter 1 to give you a taste of the information you will find in our Biblical Battleplan Fight For Love.
Be encouraged and blessed by the honesty of our very own Jené, as she describes her and her husband's recovery journey.
Grab your partner and listen together to this great conversation with author, podcaster, and founder of www.husbandmaterial.com, Drew Boa. After God saved his marriage before it started, Drew was given a passion to help other Christian men experience healing. Now he has an amazing platform and ministry helping other guys find freedom from porn.
Porn proofing our kids doesn't have to be scary and overwhelming. Today we're bringing you this uplifting and practical conversation from Daniel and Christina Im on the IMBetween Podcast and our very own Rosie Makinney.
- 4 steps to help porn-proof your children
- Signs to look for to know if your child is watching porn
- How you can support your child if they are struggling with a porn addiction
- Incredible age-appropriate resources to help you continue this important conversation with your kids and teens
Listen in to Gigi Hopkins, Wives Care Coordinator at Be Broken Ministries, describe her gentle introductory 6 week course for wives of porn addicts. If you have fears and apprehensions about taking the next step into recovery, this may be just what you are looking for.
Watching movies and shows today in recovery is extra challenging when sex and nudity have pretty much become the norm. Here are some of our favorite websites and services that take all the hard work out of finding something safe to watch, which enables you to actually relax and enjoy your time together.
Listen in on this great conversation between Dr Juli Slattery, president and founder of Authentic Intimacy, and our very own Rosie Makinney. Here they talk about equipping women with the appropriate steps to fight for their marriages, how to help their husbands, and find support for their own healing. Where do you draw boundaries? How do you know if he’s in a healthy support group? Is it okay to take time off from sex? They address all of those questions and more in this episode of Juli's own podcast Java with Juli. Grab your java and join us!
For the benefit of our new listeners we are rerunning one of our first episodes to help you understand what you in for when you embark on this journey of recovery. We give you an overview of the whole process, and explain the different stages of recovery. We also share what it was really like having to embark on this challenging and unknown journey, not because of something we had done, but because of something our husbands had done.
Ready to take that next step and reach out for your own support ? This could be just what you have been looking for. Today I interview Lyschel Burket. She has been working with women since 2008 as they take steps toward healing and their pursuit of God as they face sexual betrayal in their marriage. She has facilitated support groups specific to partners since 2013 both locally in Knoxville, TN and online through Vicki Tiede Ministries. After serving in these two spaces for almost 5 years Lyschel returned to school and obtained her coaching certification in recovery work. Lyschel is a Professional Coach, and Certified Partner Coach with APSATS (The Assoc of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists).
Lyschel is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She desires to be a part of something so much bigger than herself as she continues to expand the reach of support for women who are facing similar things to her own recovery story. She and her husband Garren live in Knoxville, TN with their 5 kiddos. Lyschel and Garren have been on the road of recovery since 2006.
Hope Redefined is 501(c)3 not for profit that supports women facing sexual betrayal. They offer online support groups, one to one coaching, an intensive healing retreat, a private online community, and community education. This ministry is a community for women to link arms and walk their paths of healing. You can learn more about Hope Redefined on their website at http://www.HopeRedefined.org
Whether you want to know everything or absolutely nothing that is going on inside your husband's head, it's good to know what level of sharing from him is going to help you heal and move forward and what is going to hold you back. Learn why being your husband's primary accountability partner is a bad idea, and also why basing your feeling of stability and safety on his thought life is a precarious and ineffective strategy.
To help you discern whether the person you have found will be able to help you navigate through the tricky waters of recovery, I have enlisted the help of my husband, Mark Makinney, a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist, to talk us through the important areas to consider.
In this rich and candid interview Cat draws from her personal and professional experience of dealing with betrayal trauma. Here's a therapist we wish we could clone for all our listeners! This is a MUST LISTEN!
Cat Etherington is Head of Recovery for UK based charity Naked Truth Project. Naked Truth Project formed with a vision to Open Eyes and Free Lives fro the Damaging Impact of Pornography. As a multi skilled practitioner, international educator and speaker, Cat has pioneered multiple online recovery and healing resources for men and women impacted by problematic sexual behaviours, both their own and that their spouse or partner. Drawing on her own personal addiction and betrayal trauma recovery journeys, as well as her multiple professional trainings and certification, Cat (along with the rest of the Naked Truth Recovery team) supports men and women from around the world with skill and compassion.
In this episode I have the pleasure of being joined by Jenaye White, publicity and marketing guru at LifeWay, to talk about two exciting new initiatives that can help you bring the message of Fight For Love to women at your church.
Firstly, we talk about a seven day devotional for wives of porn addicts, and secondly we explain a terrific new initiative called Stay On The Same Page, created to help churches stay connected and study together at this challenging time. After we explain how 'Fight For Love - Stay On The Same Page' works, we tackle all the possible objections you might face from others and from your own brain!
On this episode the team tackle two very common questions:
Will I ever feel the same way about my husband again?
Will it help if I take pictures of myself for him?
Even if your husband remains unrepentant and refuses to seek help there is still great hope for a joy-filled transformed life for yourself and your children. In this episode Ruth describes her own healing journey beyond her divorce from her porn addicted husband.
A must listen for anyone who doesn't believes that porn use affects relationship In this most vulnerable of episodes we share exactly how our husband's porn addictions affected us, and what it was like to draw that initial line in the sand on porn. It was not knowledge that drove us to set boundaries it was sheer pain. If we could go back and tell our younger selves one thing this is what we would say!
To help us unpack what to do when your porn addicted spouse is also abusive, we have enlisted the expertise of Jeneane Nicodemus (Associate Marriage and Family Therapist), a survivor of domestic violence and therapist at Stand Strong, a women's shelter for survivors of domestic violence in San Luis Obispo County, California. F
True to form, we're kicking off our new season by getting real about how this pandemic is kicking our collective butt, and we're not even in the heat of an active addiction. In this episode we share the reality of a rapidly growing global porn pandemic, and emphasize the importance of upping up your self-care and seeking support.
Rosie shares the joys and the challenges of writing the book, and the team reveal what motivated them to share their stories with the world.
Praise for Fight for Love by Dr. Josh McDowell, renowned author and speaker: "Using neuroscience and Scripture, and unflinching honesty, Rosie brings hard facts and hard truths for these hard times. This book has a challenging message, but it is beautifully wrapped in hope and grace and gentle humor. I’d consider it essential reading for Christian wives trying to navigate life and relationships in a pornified culture. It’s time to equip and encourage women to pick up their swords and join in the fight.”
With all the anxiety, uncertainty and free porn (courtesy of porn hub) floating about, the epidemic of porn in the church is only going to get worse. Pastors are required to step up to the plate and deal with this crisis head on. Here are over ten years of personal and professional experience of successfully dealing with porn addiction condensed into 50 mins from husband and wife team Mark and Rosie Makinney.
Telling your kids the truth about what is really going on in your marriage is daunting for everyone. In this episode we share candidly our own experiences to give you hope that this is not only doable, but extremely beneficial for your entire family. We also share practical resources that we found useful to facilitate the conversation.
Identifying codependent ways of interacting that have been negatively impacting your relationship is both daunting and liberating. Join us discussing one of our favorite topics. This is where true transformation begins! And as Miranda says 'choosing to look at your codependency is the least codependent thing you can do!'
In this episode we give you the inside scoop on what it's really like to be part of a wives recovery group. As daunting and scary as it was walking into our first group, all of us agree that the fellowship that we gained through recovery was absolutely life-changing. Recovery groups are real, and precious, not to mention avenues of healing - they will ruin you for other groups!
Against the typical advice you may get from a friend or well-meaning counselor, a period of celibacy is highly recommended at the beginning of recovery. Having more sex is not the answer, especially in the weeks following a full disclosure. Your husband’s altered expectations around sex need time to reboot, as does his warped view of reality. The suggested time frame for celibacy is normally ninety days. This provides time for husbands to “dry out.”
You’re probably familiar with the concept of detox or “drying out” in relation to drugs or alcohol, but you may not be aware that it also applies to porn. Drying out from porn is a difficult and gradual process. You can’t just pour your secret stash down the sink and be done with it. It’s stuck inside your head, available to get you high at any time.
But your husband is not the only one who will benefit from a break from sex. Recovery also means reclaiming those aspects of your own sexuality that have been impacted and damaged by his addiction. Taking time out to heal your sexual wounds is critical. Ninety days is recommended guideline, not a rule.
In this episode we demystify another aspect of recovery and talk about preparing for unexpected patches of extreme turbulence before they happen. The time to think about what to do if your husband relapses is not after the event, but before. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan of what to do if your husband looks at porn again. The point of the safety plan is not to punish him but to help you respond in a healthy and effective way.
The Partner Response Survey is a self-assessment form that helps you identify ways that your husband’s compulsive porn use has affected you mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. In a supervised session, you read your answers aloud, and your husband is not permitted to respond or defend himself. He simply has to hear you. Without name-calling or blaming, you express your hurt, pain, frustration, anger, and disgust without fear of contradiction or reprisal. Exploring how your husband's porn addiction has affected you is critical for your healing. Sharing it with your husband in a safe and controlled environment is also crucial for his healing. In terms of building intimacy and restoring trust, feeling able to expressing how you feel is key. Filling in the Partner Assessment helps facilitates a hard honest conversation that has to happen.
Disclosure a pivotal and powerful moment in recovery. It's both terrifying and transformational. Often describes as ground zero--or the moment our marriage truly began--it can also be an extremely daunting and painful experience.
Disclosure is a planned facilitated event where a husband reads out a prepared document to his wife detailing his sexual acting out with porn or other people. In this episode we share honestly about our own experience and give practical ways to prepare beforehand. We also reveal that although the whole process was extremely challenging, we are extremely grateful that it happened.
Reaching out to support that is safe and qualified to speak into you life is crucial. Listening to well meaning, but ill-informed friends and family, or even counselors or even pastors can derail your recovery before it has even got started. Learn from our experiences and mistakes, and find comfort in the fact God will not leave you in the desert, without the right help.
Both the betrayal and the deception aspects of having a porn addicted spouse is devastating. In this episode we dig deep into our experiences of restoring trust, and share how, in the process, we discovered a whole new level of intimacy in our marriage. We also explain how getting into recovery forced us to look at some of our own issues that were getting in the way of our own ability to be truly vulnerable and communicate effectively ourselves.
What are you in for when you embark on this journey of recovery? In this episode we give you an overview of the whole process, and explain the different stages of recovery.
We also share what it felt like when our husband’s porn addiction picked us up and hurled us down the rabbit hole of recovery. How we really felt about the fact that now we had to embark on this challenging and unknown journey, not because of something we had done, but because of something our husbands had done.
In this episode we correct the lie that you are responsible for your husband's compulsive porn use. We talk about the impact of believing this lie and all the ways that we tried to fix the problem on our own. Then we dive into the scientific research and look at what is really going on in his brain. We explain why he looks at porn, why he can't stop and also why he is unlikely to reach out for help without your intervention.
In this episode we share what it is like to be married to a porn addict, showing you how compulsive porn use affects not just your sex life, but all aspects of your relationship. Being able to recognize these red flags will enable you to take decisive action sooner.
In this episode we talk about how we felt when we discovered that our husbands had a problem with porn. Then we share all the unsuccessful ways that we tried to fix the problem on our own which were a complete waste of time and energy. In the second half of this episode we take you through four helpful things that you can do.
In this short and sweet episode, you will meet the team: Rosie, Miranda, Crystal, Mindy and Jené, and hear our hearts to help women dealing with porn addiction in their marriage. We talk about what topics we will be covering in season 1, and the episodes that we are really looking forward to sharing with you.