Your Parenting Long Game: Recent Episodes
Rachel Bailey
This podcast is for parents who not only want to short-term tips for handling current kids' behaviors and moods, but who are exhausted from addressing the same situation over and over and want to find solutions that last much longer into the future. Because you will receive plans and step-by-step tools, it's also for parents who crave feeling in control -- and who do much better with structure than the chaos traditionally associated with parenting.
When we’re raising kids with big emotions, we often learn how to navigate their behavior, moods, and attitudes to avoid meltdowns and dramatic moments. But sometimes, even when we’re doing everything “right,” our children’s behavior can throw us a curveball -- crying for seemingly no reason, refusing to do something they wanted to do, or getting disproportionately angry over a small inconvenience. These situations can leave us frustrated, confused, and powerless to help.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What we need to understand about our kids’ confusing behavior
- Why specific reactions often make them more upset
- How to spend less energy addressing frustrating and confusing behavior
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FREE EVENT: "The Negativity Reset" for a more positive summer (no live participation required)
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Many kids with big emotions seem to default to negativity—even after a day full of fun and connection. When we witness their lack of positivity, we often think things like, “Why can’t they just be happy?” or “Why are they acting so spoiled?” We feel frustrated that their mood can derail the whole family’s energy, and we feel helpless to do anything about it. But we are not helpless!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Exactly kids focus on what went wrong, even when so much went right
- How we keep ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity – and a simple way to break free
- A quick plan that takes less energy and helps you respond with calm leadership when the negativity shows up
Plus, you’ll hear more about a free event, The Negativity Reset, where you’ll learn exactly how to respond when your child is stuck in a negative loop—without rescuing, overexplaining, or letting it ruin your summer.
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FREE EVENT: "The Negativity Reset" for a more positive summer (no live participation required)
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Many children with big emotions also struggle with anxious thoughts. When our child feels scared, nervous, or overwhelmed, our first instinct is usually to reassure them that everything will be okay. But what if we are actually making it HARDER for them to feel better in the moment and build resilience for the future?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why, in our defense, we’re wired reassure our children when they feel anxious
- What happens in our kids’ brains when we reassure them (and why they often feel more anxious after we try to help)
- Three things our children with big emotions actually need to regulate their nervous system
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Resource: Understanding Yuck and the Yuck Curve
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When we see our kids struggling with things like schoolwork, or friend drama, or dealing with a teacher they don’t like, we often offer suggestions to help them get through those situations more easily. But what should we do when our children give short or snarky responses to our genuine attempts to help?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why kids are so resistant to our suggestions, even if they know they’re good ones
- What we almost always do that makes the situation worse
- How to respond to this type of attitude so that you maintain your positive, powerful influence (and they don’t get away with anything!)
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People who have big feelings have many strengths. They understand other people really well and often have very strong, meaningful relationships. But there are also potential downsides to having big emotions, like having a hard time making decisions, feeling different from friends and family members, and feeling bad about themselves. Fortunately, there is something that we can do as parents to help our kids with these struggles, while strengthening their resilience and self-esteem.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What it was like for me growing up as a highly sensitive person in a family that didn’t feel things as strongly
- Two common side effects of having big feelings
- What we can do to help our kids handle their discomfort in healthy ways and build their confidence rather than eroding it
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We know setting limits for our children is an important part of parenting. But kids with big emotions often have over-the-top reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation. How can we handle their reactions effectively when we are exhausted by their rudeness, disrespect, and negotiations?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why children have big reactions to reasonable limits
- What we’re doing as parents that often makes it worse
- How we can help our kids handle discomfort when things don’t go their way (without losing our influence!)
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FREE RESOURCE: Defuse dramatic situations by understanding the Yuck Curve
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It's natural to want to do a “good job” as a parent. We want to be attentive, be calm when our kids are having a difficult time, teach them all the skills they need to know in life…and it's easy to be really hard on ourselves when we don't do all of those things well. The good news is, our kids don’t need parents who never make mistakes -- they actually need us to be imperfect!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why it’s hard for us to accept that our imperfections make us better parents
- Four reasons we MUST be imperfect to raise great kids
- What we should spend our energy on, instead of trying to be good at everything
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If you are raising a child or children with big emotions, you probably deal with a lot of drama throughout the day: anxiety, resistance, disrespect…maybe even your child speaking negatively about themselves. The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help. The bad news? There are a lot of strategies that can help. And often because there are a lot of these strategies that can help, you may feel so exhausted and run down that you don’t know which strategies to try first or what your next step should be.
This episode includes:
- What keeps us feeling stuck and unable to move past our overwhelm
- The first step we need to take to get unstuck -- and why it doesn’t take any extra energy!
- How one simple shift can help us find more lightness inside and more peace in our homes
JOIN THE “DAILY LIFT” (+ WEEKLY “GET UNSTUCK” CONVERSATION) FOR $1 Transcript for this episode
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If you are raising children with big emotions, you are probably used to their big reactions when they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated. But sometimes children have big reactions even when there is no obvious reason, leaving us feeling confused and like we have to walk on eggshells around them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is going on when our kids act overly irritated or annoyed but it isn’t clear why
- How to recognize what I call “energy mismatches” (with examples)
- What we can do to help our kids have fewer big reactions -- and more confidence and healthy self-esteem
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Transcript of this episode
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We know how important it is to be a powerful positive influence with our children. But becoming one sounds daunting at times -- especially with everything else we have to juggle on a daily basis. The good news is, we can increase our influence easily, just by adding two little words to our vocabulary!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What a “powerful positive influence” is, and what happens when you are one
- Two qualities every powerful positive influence has
- Two “magic” words that show our kids we care, we are consistent, and we can handle their big emotions
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Transcript of this episode
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Children with big emotions often struggle with transitions: Getting out of the house in the morning, stopping what they’re doing to go to the dinner table or to get ready for bed. They may even resist leaving the house when they have something fun to do, like a birthday party! When nothing seems to motivate them, we can feel confused and frustrated. Fortunately, there is something that we can do to help our children with transitions, and it’s easier than you might think.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why transitions are difficult for our children (it’s not just that they don’t feel like going to the next thing)
- Why traditional strategies like logic and rewards don’t work for children with big emotions
- Two things we can do to make transitions easier for our kids (and us!), with real-life examples
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When our children react strongly to disappointment or frustration, we often feel like we need to cater to their needs or give in to keep the peace. And then we worry that our child’s big emotions will keep them from learning how to handle the inevitable challenges they’ll face in life! Fortunately, even children with big feelings can learn to handle obstacles effectively.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why feeling strongly is strength -- and why it’s important we don’t teach our children to hide their emotions
- Why we don’t have to cater to our children to prevent hard feelings…and how to empower them instead
- A Long Game Parenting strategy that helps kids and parents learn how to respect negative emotions without being controlled by them (with several practical examples)
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You likely want to motivate better behavior and maintain a strong, positive relationship with your children. But there is something that you may be doing frequently that will reduce your influence and harm your relationship… and it happens any time your child isn’t behaving or feeling the way you want them to. (How often does that happen?!)
In this episode, you’ll learn:
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Scientific reasons why we communicate in this harmful way (so you know how to stop it)
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How our tone and body language impacts our children and leads to bigger reactions in kids with big emotions
- One simple shift in perspective can help you build influence and strengthen your relationship in every interaction – with your children and with anyone else
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It can be frustrating when our children won’t do what they’re supposed to do: brush their teeth, finish their homework, or complete a chore that we’ve been asking them to finish. While it’s common for kids with big emotions to resist things that feel boring or uncomfortable, it can be exhausting for parents to find “just the right thing” to motivate them to move forward. The good news is, understanding one thing about resistance can reduce it tremendously.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why kids with big emotions are so likely to resist doing boring or uncomfortable things (what’s going on in their brain)
- How to recognize this type of response
- How to get kids on board with reducing the resistance
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You crave a peaceful home, but peace can be hard to come by when raising children with big emotions. Our kids are quick to react disproportionately to situations, and it’s easy to get sucked into their drama. How can we make sure that we are in control of our homes rather than everyone’s reactions?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The science behind big reactions (and why we have more control that we think)
- How to break the cycle of Yuck that keeps us stuck
- A Leadership Parenting strategy called “Expect and Plan” that ensures we are in charge of our homes, not everyone’s reactions
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Show Notes:
We might want to handle the daily stressors of life with calmness and respect, but often it doesn’t work that way. (At least not for me!) Listen as I describe a situation I handled pretty poorly as a parent – and the strategies I used to get myself out of a cycle of guilt.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to feel our feelings without being controlled by Yuck
- A simple and effective Leadership Parenting strategy to address mistakes
- Questions to ask YOURSELF when you do something you regret
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Free live "Power Hour" event: How to Boost Confidence in Children with Big Emotions
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https://rachel-bailey.com/332https://rachel-bailey.com/332Show Notes:
When we are raising children with big emotions, it can be frustrating watching them struggle when things don’t come easily. Even when we encourage them and remind them that they can do hard things, they may continue to complain or resist, leaving us wondering: Should we push them, or should we give in? Fortunately, there is a simple way to make this decision… and a way to help them handle discomfort when a push is appropriate.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why children with big emotions often avoid doing hard things
- How to decide when to push them do hard things and when it doesn’t make sense to push
- How we can help deal with their discomfort so they can become the best version of themselves
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Show Notes:
While some kids with big emotions blame others, others are incredibly hard on themselves. And it can be devastating to hear them beat themselves up when they make a mistake! Often when they do, our instinct is to tell them it will be okay, that it’s not a big deal, that everyone makes mistakes. But as you’ve probably noticed, that doesn’t make them stop this behavior in the long run, and it can even make them feel worse in the moment. The good news is that we can use Leadership Parenting strategies to help our children – and ourselves! – handle these situations more effectively.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why previous attempts to help our kids calm down haven’t worked -- and often make things worse instead
- Qualities that many children with big emotions have in common (and why it feels like they regularly get stuck in cycles of negativity)
- How to stay regulated and help kids get unstuck so they can learn how to handle their mistakes in the moment… and build resilience for the future
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Most parents who are raising kids with big emotions would say that our kids’ reactions – their reactions when they don’t get their way, or when they have to do something they don’t want to do, etc. – tend to be very big and very difficult to manage. Often, we feel like their reactions control our homes because they impact our daily routines, our other children, and even the decisions we make. But it is possible to regain control of your home so that it doesn’t seem like those emotions or reactions are in charge! Specific step-by-step strategies, called Leadership Parenting strategies, can help you make that happen.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What Leadership Parenting strategies are and why they’re so powerful
- Two actionable leadership parenting strategies that allow us and our children to respect emotions without being controlled by them
- Benefits of using leadership parenting strategies with our kids
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Having a joyful and connected holiday season can be challenging when we are raising kids with big emotions. We are so busy and our children are overstimulated, full of sugar and out of their regular routines. If we aren’t proactive, we can become overwhelmed, exhausted, and resentful. The good news is, a simple process (that just takes a few minutes) can reduce holiday Yuck and increase our parenting influence, giving us more energy to enjoy the season.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to work with our children to solve problems, rather than working against them
- A simple process that addresses our kids’ negative behavior, moods, and attitudes in the moment
- How to use this same process to teach them the skills they need for the next time they have big feelings
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https://rachel-bailey.com/?p=88635Holidays can be hard for kids with big emotions. From staying up late to being out of regular routines to being overstimulated, this season can leave us all feeling exhausted and stressed. In this bonus episode, I share a plan for holiday stress that doesn’t take a lot of time... and almost always leads to success!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why taking 5-10 minutes now will save you hours later
- The steps in this process, with an example of each
- How this plan ensures that you will feel more in control this holiday season
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Show Notes:
It can be hard to know what to say to a child with big emotions when they're struggling. And while it’s important not to pressure yourself to say the “right thing” all the time, one small change (that you can make immediately) will almost always make things better in those situations.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why one word (that most of us use all the time) almost always upsets children with big emotions
- The alternative word that can make a positive difference in negative situations
- How this shift improves our influence in the moment and strengthens our children’s self-esteem in the long run
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FREE RESOURCE: Reminder of “but” to “because” strategy + examples
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Free training for parents with kids with big emotions
Many kids with big emotions lack confidence, and that can be heartbreaking to see. While building children’s confidence doesn’t happen overnight, one simple action can help. Even better, this same action can also strengthen your relationship and takes less than a minute to use!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The simple strategy to strengthen your child’s confidence and your relationship
- How we can incorporate this strategy into our daily lives
- Why this strategy might not work for anxious or sensitive kids (and why that’s a good thing!)
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It’s very common as we’re raising kids with big emotions to walk on eggshells, fearing the moment we might “set them off.” But it is possible to learn to diffuse dramatic situations more easily so that we can handle them instead of dreading them.
In this episode, you’ll learn, through the “sink metaphor”:
- Why it’s absolutely in our power to make situations better instead of worse
- What our kids really need so that they (and we) don’t get stuck in the drama
- What our responses are like from our children’s perspective
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FREE RESOURCE: What to do when your child is having a big emotion: https://rachel-bailey.com/yuck-curve/
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/327-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Many children with big emotions crave consistency, but how can we be consistent when life gets in the way? There are so many things to juggle as a parent -- extracurriculars, homework, schedule changes, work trips, family visits -- and we’re tired. The good news is that there’s an alternative to consistency that is much easier to achieve as a busy parent (and it has all the same benefits!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to reduce the pressure on yourself and still meet your kids’ needs
- The difference between predictability and consistency
- What it feels like to be on the receiving end of this strategy
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/326-transcript/
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Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
There is nothing worse than feeling helpless as a parent, and it’s easy to feel powerless or out of control when our kids won’t listen to what we have to say. Often when we feel powerless, we end up trying to control our children more… which only reduces our influence! Fortunately, there is a simple strategy that can help you improve the impact of your words so your children can actually hear the lessons you’re trying to teach them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why most people dig their heels in when people try to change them
- How to give our kids with big emotions what they need to be able to hear us
- A simple strategy to increase our influence that requires us to spend less energy, not more
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/325-transcript/
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Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Often when we ask our kids with big emotions to do things they have to do, instead of doing what we ask, they resist, negotiate, or even become disrespectful to us (or themselves!). And when we feel helpless and stuck, we often then fall back on strategies that our parents used with us… which tends to make things worse. So how can we motivate responsible and respectful behavior when our attempts seem to just lead to more drama?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Two reasons why rewards and punishments don’t work for kids with big emotions
- Common reasons why children struggle (and how we can identify these reasons when our kids are having a hard time)
- How to go beneath kids’ behavior to motivate more positive behaviors, moods, and attitudes with less resistance
One of the defining qualities of children with "big emotions" is that they have a hard time when things don't go their way. But explaining to them why they need to be more flexible doesn't seem to work, and it only frustrates them and us more! The good news is that we can help our children handle frustration and disappointment when we shift from telling children WHY they need to be more flexible to teaching them HOW to be more flexible.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why we reduce our influence when we try to get children to accept that things won't always go their way
- What they truly need in order to become more adaptable
- A simple formula (with examples!) to teach them to maturely handle the fact that things will go differently than they expected -- even if they are currently resistant to talk about this
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/323-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We want our children to feel respected, and we know that it’s important to connect with them and validate their feelings. But when they’ve behaved in an unacceptable way, it’s easy to wonder if, when you’re connecting with them, you’re letting them “get away” with negative behavior.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our influence does depend on being able to balance both validation and firmness
- A simple formula (with examples!) to show our kids that we sincerely care about what they’re going through without condoning negative behavior
Summary of this episode with examples:
https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/199 Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/322-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Changes and new situations – especially a new school year! – can create a lot of worry for our kids with big emotions. But no matter what the change is, or what their worries are, we can empower children to handle hard things.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Simple steps to help kids get ready for a new school year (or any other situation that they’re nervous about)
- How to make it less likely that they’ll worry about changes and transitions
- How to help them feel more in control of situations that they are anxious about
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/198
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/321-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Many children with big emotions can seem spoiled or entitled at times -- like they expect to get everything they want, all of the time. And even though it can be tempting to give in for the sake of family peace, there are better ways to help our children in these situations… so they can learn how to handle not getting their way in the future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why kids with big emotions seem to always want more, more, more
- What we can ask ourselves to know if we’re giving our children what they truly need (or just want they want)
- One thing all parents can give their kids so they don’t keep asking for more
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/197
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/320-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Despite the fact that they experience emotions very intensely, it’s very common for children who feel strongly to NOT want to talk about their emotions. But in order to address negative behavior, moods, and attitudes, we need to have these conversations!
The good news is that using specific phrases will allow us to improve our influence with our children so they are open to hearing us, rather than trying to avoid us.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The real reasons why our children tend to avoid talking about their emotions
- How to start conversations with our kids (without triggering their resistance)
- How we can help our kids handle their discomfort more effectively and maturely
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/196
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/319-transcript/
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Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
We ask our children to do things all the time, and (of course) we assume that they know how to do what we ask. Why wouldn’t they? In reality, a lot of negative behavior stems from skills that children are missing – which means they actually don’t know how to do what we ask. In order to improve our influence and their resilience, all we need to do is teach them a few strategies for success.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What actually stops children from doing what we want them to do
- How one simple shift can decrease our frustration and our exhaustion
- What it’s like to be a child who wants to do better… but can’t
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/194
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/318-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
It can be exhausting to parent children with big emotions -- especially when it feels like our efforts to improve behavior, moods, and attitudes take longer than we would like. Even if we understand (in our minds) that it takes time for our kids to learn how to deal with their discomfort and develop new skills, that doesn’t always make us stop wishing they would feel and act better more quickly!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why wanting things to go more quickly actually slows things down
- One question we can ask ourselves to change our perspective and our attitude (so progress does happen faster)
- The key to less frustration if children do take time to change
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/194
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/317-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
One of the most common reasons for big emotions in our homes is related to asking our children to get off of their devices. And let's be real: They DO have to learn to get off of their devices without acting like it's the end of the world! But most of the time, we attempt to make this happen makes things worse, not better. When we get into our children’s world, we can often understand why our attempts aren’t effective – and what we can do instead.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What it’s like from a child’s perspective to have to get off of screens
- Why his parents’ (very logical) attempts to address his behavior don’t work
- How getting into your child’s shoes can help bring peace to your home
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/316-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
This time of year, navigating the use of screens can be a real challenge -- especially when you’re raising children with big emotions. The summer can start off feeling more relaxed, but then come the power struggles over how long children can be on screens and the meltdowns when they have to get off of their devices. Fortunately, a few simple changes can reduce the drama, even during those times when children are even more likely to turn to screens as entertainment.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why kids with big emotions struggle with screen time limits
- How to increase your influence to reduce screen time drama
- How to give your kids the skills THEY need to get off of screens more easily (helping them deal with transitions and boredom!)
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Of course we want our children to listen to us when we ask them to do what they’re supposed to do or when we ask them to act maturely in situations that don’t go their way.
But often when we try to get our kids to listen to us, we do it in ways that actually decrease our influence. This is especially true when we try to get our children to see why we are right and they are wrong.
Of course it’s not that we shouldn’t try to motivate better behavior! Rather, we can just do it in more effective ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why telling children what they’ve done wrong doesn’t lead to them doing what’s right
- Exactly how to approach your child to increase your influence
- Why this non-permissive strategy not only increases your influence, but strengthens your relationship
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Free summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/191
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
As parents, we want to be able to influence our children. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we try to help our kids feel or act better… and we can’t make it happen.
One of the most common ways that we “leak” influence happens on a day-to-day basis in the way we ask our kids to do things and in the way we respond to their requests.
Once you become aware of this leak, you can make a simple change and increase your influence immediately!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why some of our our requests and our responses immediately put our kids into fight-or-flight (and make them more resistant to us)
- An example that illustrates what this is like for your child that you will be able to relate to
- Simple strategies to increase your influence and improve your relationship with your child
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/191
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
As parents, we want to be able to motivate our kids to act more responsible and handle situations more effectively. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we aren’t able to make that happen.
Unfortunately, we will feel helpless and out of control because we often (unknowingly) “leak” influence by the way we think about and respond to situations. One of the most common influence leaks happens when we set unrealistic expectations and aren't even aware that we're doing that.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How setting realistic expectations increases our influence with our children
- A simple question that will help you set expectations and handle previously-difficult situations more effectively
- The benefits (for us and our kids!) when we plug influence leaks
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/190
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
We want to be able to influence our kids. We want them to listen to us, and we want to be able to calm them down so they can work through situations with less drama. So it can be challenging when our attempts to influence them don't work… or even make things worse! In this second episode of a two-part series, we’ll discuss what's needed to become a powerful positive influence with your children so you can bring more peace to your home, even if that seems impossible now.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The type of influence we usually have with our children – and why it doesn’t motivate better behavior, moods, and attitudes
- The two qualities that you need if you want your children to listen more readily and calm down more easily
- What it looks like when you do improve your influence (even if your children don’t realize it’s happened)
--- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/189
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Most of us crave more calm in our homes. But what do we do when there is drama on an almost-daily basis and nothing we try makes a difference in our child’s behavior? Is it possible to reduce the drama and feel more confident in our parenting without damaging our relationship with our children? The good news is you can bring more peace to your family while increasing your children’s resilience and self-esteem.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our current parenting strategies don’t change behavior, moods, or attitudes
- The differences between Band Aid Parenting and Long Game Parenting
- What our kids really need from us when they’re struggling (and the long-term benefits of meeting their needs rather than addressing negative behavior with punishments and rewards)
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/188
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
It’s natural to want our kids’ negative behaviors, moods, and behaviors to stop. But what happens when nothing we do seems to end the drama? How can we break out of the cycles of negativity?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why “quick fix” methods don’t help our kids feel better (and often make things worse)
- Why Yuck Dumps are NOT the same as wallowing, and how these Dumps actually build resilience
- Simple ways to help children release their negativity and frustration
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/187
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Live "make your plan" sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
We know it’s better to stay calm when our children have big feelings, but it seems like some days, we can only hold on for so long when they are complaining, crying, or melting down. How can we help our kids handle their discomfort when their behavior triggers our own Yuck?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why we need to set realistic expectations for our children
- What it looks like when we’re using willpower to stay calm (and why willpower never seems to last long enough)
- How to shift from artificial calm to genuine emotional regulation
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/186
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
"Make Your Long Game Plan" live sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
Most of us have an idea of how we'd like to interact with our kids. But often when we're tired or frustrated, we don't react in a way that feels good. And when situations with our kids frequently spiral out of control, it’s natural to feel like we are failing at parenting!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Tips that will help any time you feel like a failure
- One mindset shift that can reduce guilt immediately
- How simple steps we take can positively impact our kids
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/185
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We talk a lot about BIG reactions when our kids have big feelings, but what about quiet, sensitive children who struggle when other people around them are upset? Often these children will do anything they can in order to make others feel better. To keep the peace, they will also disregard their own needs – even when we encourage them to stand up for themselves!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why many parenting strategies don’t work with our sensitive children (and may even make things worse)
- How to help our kids deal with discomfort -- without hurting their self-esteem
- How we can help "sensitive" children become confident, resilient kids who know how to advocate for themselves in difficult situations
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/184
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
When we’re raising kids with big feelings, it can be hard to stay emotionally regulated all of the time. How can we be the parent we want to be when it’s hard not to lose our cool? How can we teach our kids how to stay calm when we’re struggling with staying calm ourselves?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why we get stuck in a “cycle of Yuck” (and feel guilty and ashamed)
- How your ability to regulate yourself impacts your influence with your child
- A simple tool you can use in the moment to get unstuck - even when your children are complaining or melting down
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/183
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that’s not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why some of your current parenting strategies may not be working, despite your best efforts
- The real reasons behind seemingly-unbreakable cycles -- and what to do about it!
- The lifelong benefits (for us and our kids) of breaking negative cycles for good
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/182
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they’re happy and the next, they are melting down about something that’s not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don’t really understand what’s driving their reactions?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What to check first when kids have unpredictable behavior
- How to “see” inside our children’s brains, so we can approach them with compassion instead of judgment
- The benefits of changing our perspective when kids have confusing reactions
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/181
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to address common obstacles to making deposits
- Why children with big emotions pull away or push back when we’re trying to spend time with them
- Easy-to-implement “micro” deposits -- simple actions that don’t take much time but have a BIG impact on your relationship
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/180
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we’re being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to know whether we’re meeting our kids’ wants or needs -- and when we need to make a change!
- What our children actually need from us to become more resilient
- The easiest way to meet our kids’ emotional needs (with examples!) for stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you’ll be able to do that now!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did!
- How and why I started a business helping parents
- Some quotes that inspire me, both as a parent and as a person
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Free video series for parents raising children with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
When our children are having big emotions or behaviors, it’s natural to want those big feelings and behaviors to stop so that there is more fighting, no more disrespectful attitudes, no more drama. Unfortunately, there’s one problem: We can’t control how our kids feel or how they behave. And when we try, we just make the situation worse (and we feel worse).
Fortunately, there is an alternative that leads to a better outcome – AND doesn’t require us to give in to them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our need to control others leaves us exhausted
- How to address big feelings without trying to change other people
- A simple shift that will reduce resentment and lead to more peace and influence with our children
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Why do some kids listen more to one parent than another? Why do some kids seem to calm down more quickly around one parent than another? Often the difference is that one parent is a powerful positive influence, while the other isn’t. The good news is that any parent can learn to be a powerful positive influence.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What we need to give our kids if we want to be more influential
- How becoming a Powerful Positive Influence can motivate better behavior and healthier self-esteem -- without yelling, punishing, or shaming
- Two necessary qualities that will help you become a Powerful Positive Influence with your children
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Apply to join the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program: https://forms.gle/JTfYQfUXWeg5cpmR8 Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Many people confuse “respectful parenting” with permissive parenting, thinking that respectful parents give into the whims of their children to make them feel good.
But caving to our kids’ feelings and reactions is not respectful…to them or to us. Believe it or not, firm boundaries are a hallmark of respect-based parenting. And firm boundaries are what our children with big emotions really need.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What firm parenting boundaries look like
- Reasons why setting limits can be uncomfortable for us (and how to deal with the discomfort)
- How to respond to our children’s big emotions respectfully
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Sometimes people assume that because I teach parenting strategies for a living, I’m always parenting the way I want to. I actually think that assumption is dangerous, so I wanted to offer just a few of my parenting regrets... some of which you may be able to relate to!
In this episode, I’ll share:
- Some of my personal parenting fails
- How I handle those fails – sometimes “successfully,” sometimes not
- What I do when I recognize that I’m not parenting the way I want to
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Even when you listen to so many tips and parenting strategies available, it can be difficult to find those that actually work with kids with big emotions. And when nothing we try seems to make a difference, it’s easy to feel helpless. But it is possible to identify what our children need in order to feel and act better.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our definition of “what works” doesn't always work!
- What our kids need more than rewards or punishments
- Two things our children must have in order to do the things that we want them to do
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
There is almost nothing more upsetting than when a child acts disrespectful. And of course when our kids talk back, roll their eyes at us, or ignore us…we don’t always respond effectively. How can we learn to understand children’s disrespect so that we can give them the coping skills they need to act more maturely?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Two simple reasons children are often disrespectful to their parents, even when they know they shouldn't be
- How to respond in the moment to behavior that is rude or dismissive
- How to increase your influence so your child NATURALLY respects you
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
You have an idea in your mind of what you “should” be doing as a parent. But how often do you feel like you’re falling short of your own expectations? So many of us feel guilty on a regular basis, and it can be exhausting. But there is something you can do to reduce your guilt (and get some energy back!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What happens when we let go of parenting guilt
- One question we can ask ourselves to turn our guilt into confidence
- How to create a simple plan that will empower you to parent from your values so you feel less bad about what you’ve done (or not done)
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Dealing with children’s lies can be very upsetting. When we know that they’re not telling the truth, we may feel disrespected and helpless and worry about how this behavior will impact our child (and our connection) in the future. How can we stop the lying once and for all – without harming our relationship?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The real reasons our kids tend to lie
- The strategies that don’t stop lying behavior (and why!)
- The mindset shift we need to make in order to influence our kids to stop lying
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We love our children with big emotions, but sometimes our love isn’t enough to build their confidence, especially when their strong feelings confuse them so much.
As a child I had trouble believing in myself, and I’d like to share my experience with you – and why your children are likely better off than I was!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- What I learned as a child with big emotions
- Two hard-to-hear things our children with big emotions often believe about themselves
- How Long Game Parenting strategies help our kids become more resilient and capable
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We know that consistency is really important for our children with big emotions. But sometimes it feels like we spend all of our time enforcing limits – at the expense of our relationship! How can we teach our kids to do the things they need to do without feeling helpless or like we’ll have to nag forever?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to outsmart kids’ “avoider brain”
- How to find and address the real reasons for resistance
- How to get to the point where you can nag less so you can spend more enjoyable time with your children
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Raising a child with big emotions can feel like a roller coaster some days. One moment they might be yelling at you to go away… and the next moment they’re angry that you did what they asked. What do we do when our child does something that seems illogical and nothing we do is helping?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What’s underneath kids’ seemingly-illogical behavior
- How to understand what’s going on inside our kids before addressing their (outer) behavior
- How to make a plan for handling your child’s big -- and sometimes illogical -- reactions in the future. (And it’s easier than you think!)
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
If you have a child who tends to have big emotions or reactions, you’ve probably tried many different things to reduce the drama in that moment. But you may not have found much success, so you’re dealing with the drama over and over (or you’re walking on eggshells to prevent their big reaction!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why it’s so hard to shift things in the moment once a child is reactive
- What to focus on as your child is having a big emotion so that the situation goes more smoothly
- Two simple ideas to regulate ourselves when our kids are melting down
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
You probably know from experience that the stronger our relationship with our kids, the more smoothly things go. But these days, when everyone is so busy, it can be challenging to find enough time to strengthen our relationships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why a strong connection does make a positive difference in their behavior, moods, and attitudes
- A way to stop feeling guilty about how little time (or energy) you have to spend with them
- Quick ideas for small “deposits” that have a big impact
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with pediatric sleep consultant Bonnie Dimmick!
Listen as I ask Bonnie 3 questions: 1. For families with toddlers, preschoolers or young kids that aren't sleeping independently, is it too late to help them learn? 2. How can I get my kids to stop stalling so much and all their curtain calls at bedtime? 3. All of a sudden my great sleeper refuses to fall asleep without me in the room and is waking up at night, what should I do?
Listen as Bonnie asks me 3 questions: 1. How do you deal best with periods where a child has a very strong parental preference? 2. What are your best tips for handling kids who hate making mistakes and it feels like logic and modeling aren't working? 3. How do you get kids to practice hard things or try something new without bribery or how do you recommend handling this?
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FREE RESOURCES Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many of us have tried to teach our kids healthy coping strategies, but often they don’t use those strategies in the moment when they’re upset. And then we feel helpless when nothing we say or do seems to help them calm down!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- An important reason that your child might not be using coping strategies
- What our kids need us to do in the moment when they’re in Yuck
- How we foster resilience and strengthen our relationship by giving our children what they need
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
When our kids have big feelings -- and even BIGGER reactions -- it can be a challenge to avoid getting sucked in. The good news is that even if they are being dramatic, complaining about little things, arguing with a sibling, or simply shutting down, it is possible to stay out of their Yuck and avoid making situations worse.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What happens to our adult brains when our kids are stuck in Yuck
- Two steps we can take to parent from our values rather than reacting in a way we regret
- How simple changes we make can positively impact kids’ self-esteem and our relationship with them in the long run
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Mari Collins Harris!
Listen as I ask Mari the 3 questions: 1. How does Ketshop help teach kids personal responsibility? 2. How can Ketshop help reduce clutter in the home? 3. How does buyer's remorse help children to learn budgeting?
Listen as Mari asks me the 3 questions: 1. Chores vs. Allowance: how do you give your kids money without spoiling them? 2. How can you teach your kids to be generous? 3. How can we encourage our kids to use technology responsibly?
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Ketshop app: https://ketshop.com/
Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Homework can bring up lots of feelings in our kids with big emotions, including frustration, stress, and overwhelm. While we’d like our children to do homework without drama, what do we do when they won’t listen to logic or finish their work without fighting us every step of the way?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our children struggle to complete their homework, even if they know how to do it
- One tool that can help our children stay on task (without nagging or fighting)
- How homework can teach our kids lifelong skills that will help them find success in the long run -- and strengthen our parent-child relationship along the way!
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We know that it’s ideal to handle difficult parenting situations with patience and respect. But often when we’re tired or frustrated, our Yuck gets the best of us and we say and do things that we regret. And then, of course, we feel awful. But mistakes don’t need to make us feel guilty… in fact, making them can be quite helpful.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why it’s important to “mess up” as a parent
- An effective way to repair a relationship after we do something that hurts our child
- How we can use our mistakes to help children take responsibility for themselves as well
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Creativity Coach Beryl Young!
Listen as I ask Beryl the 3 questions:
1. How did you personally discover the powerful connection between creativity and self-care, and what led you to become a self-care coach?
2. What are some common misconceptions or barriers people often face when it comes to integrating creativity into their self-care routine, and how do you help them overcome these challenges?
3. What advice do you give to those who struggle with finding time for creative pursuits amidst the demands of daily life and responsibilities?
Listen as Beryl asks me the 3 questions:
1. I'm all about showing parents that it's essential to address your own needs for self-care and well-being while also attending to your kids needs. How do you recommend parents strike this balance between fulfilling their personal needs and the responsibilities as a parent?
2. I'm just about to enter parenting a teenager and my role as a parent I can feel shifting. I have more time for me but I worry about maintaining open lines of connection and communication with my kiddo. What advice do you have for fostering healthy communication and trust between parents and teenagers?
3. Teenagers (and kids of all ages really) are increasingly exposed to social media and digital technologies at younger and younger ages. How can parents effectively navigate this digital landscape and help their teens develop healthy screen time habits?
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Beryl's "100 Steps Photo Project Guidebook": https://beyoungcreative.com/100stepslonggame/
Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many kids with big emotions resist doing what we ask them to do. And it can be exhausting to deal with this resistance day after day. But if the strategies we’ve tried to use to address resistance don’t work, what can we do instead?
In this case study episode, you’ll learn:
- What we need to know about resistance in order to address it effectively
- What we’re unintentionally doing that contributes to kids’ resistance
- Two questions to ask yourself to help improve your influence with your child
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
When they are feeling big emotions, different children may behave in very different ways. Some children become “strong-willed” when they’re upset – they become resistant to us or try to make things go their way. Others act more “sensitive” when they’re upset – they become hard on themselves when they think they haven’t done something the right way. Despite the fact that these behaviors seem so different, “strong-willed” and “sensitive” children actually have a lot in common.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What strong willed and sensitive children have in common
- Practical tips to help both types of children handle their uncomfortable emotions more effectively
- How we can help any child with big emotions become more confident in themselves and in their relationships
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with prenatal yoga teacher Deb Flashenberg!
Listen as I ask Deb the 3 questions:
1. How does POSTnatal yoga benefit a new parent as oppose to just going back to their regular class?
2. What is one thing a new parent can do right away to help heal diastasis and help their pelvic floor?
3. What is your "go to" yoga pose to relieve upper back pain from breastfeeding?
Listen as Deb asks me the 3 questions:
1. What are your suggestions for supporting anxious children?
2. How as a parent can we respond to kids’ stress and overwhelm, and how should we foster overall resilience?
3. What are some ways to make transitions easier even when time "warnings" and count downs have been given? ie- getting off a device, getting out of the house?
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Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Raising a child with big emotions can be exhausting. Not only are we trying to manage their emotions, but we’re often dealing with the emotions of siblings, spouses, ourselves…and everything else we have going on in our lives! However, it is possible to be less drained by the emotions around us, and we don’t need to make others change for it to happen.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why trying to reduce others’ emotions is NOT the solution to feeling less exhausted
- A simple mindset switch to make any “drama” easier to handle
- Tips that you can start using immediately that will lead to more energy
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We want our kids to use healthy coping skills when they are dealing with discomfort. But what do we do when they regularly “forget” or fall back on unhealthy strategies when they are disappointed or frustrated?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why trying to make or convince children to use healthy coping skills doesn’t work
- Why children genuinely struggle to use these skills, even when you’ve reminded them over and over
- What children really need in order to successfully (and consistently!) handle their big feelings more effectively
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Certified High Performance Coach Julie Lowe.
Listen as I ask Julie the 3 questions:
1. You're a high performance coach – what does it mean to live a high-performance lifestyle exactly? Can anyone adapt to it, or is it just for the super-organized amongst us?
2. In your book, A Few Good Habits, you talk about how relying on willpower and motivation alone can be misleading and set us up for failure. Why is that and what should we do instead?
3. Many people are on the hunt for a 'magic bullet' solution to better their lives. You, however, advocate for simplicity and returning to basics. Tell me more about this philosophy and what that looks like.
Listen as Julie asks me the 3 questions:
1. For a child with ADHD who struggles with emotional outbursts, could you share some practical advice on how parents can effectively calm the situation and help their child manage these strong emotions?
2. Many parents struggle with the constant battle over 'device time'. Can you share a fun yet effective way to inspire kids to willingly switch off their devices?
3. We hear a lot about fostering resilience in kids. Could you share a real-life example of a parent-child interaction that encourages resilience in a situation of stress or anxiety?
Children with big emotions often want to be in charge. They try to control the schedule, their siblings, and even us! But trying to take away control leads to power struggles… and giving them MORE control doesn’t lead to better behavior. The good news is that there is a way to motivate our children to be more flexible and responsible without taking away all of their control or giving them too much of it.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What leads to better behavior with kids who like to be in control
- How to easily find the right balance between permissiveness and firmness
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What our kids really need from us so that they can develop confidence, internal motivation, and a better parent-child relationship
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many children with big emotions also experience symptoms of anxiety -- at school, at bedtime, even in relationships with friends and siblings. It can be challenging for us to help our child when they’re worried, especially when it seems like most strategies aren’t effective. How can we make things better in the moment when children are experiencing symptoms of anxiety?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What’s going on in the brain during anxious moments
- What’s most effective to focus on when a child is worrying
- Three actions we can take in the moment to help children move through anxious symptoms more quickly
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with pediatric nurse practitioner and sleep consultant Kelsey Alford.
Listen as I ask Kelsey the 3 questions:
1. How should you handle sleep regressions?
2. How to know when is the right time to make sleep changes ?
3. How do you stay kind and firm when you are exhausted?
Listen as Kelsey asks me the 3 questions:
1. How do you deal with parent preferences?
2. How do you deal with transitions away from/stopping devices (especially over summer)?
3. How do you deal with fears- how much to validate and when (night time vs daytime)?
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Of course we want to raise responsible, respectful children. But the strategies that we are most comfortable with – like punishments and rewards – don’t seem to be effective with our kids, especially those with big emotions! How can we teach children to do what they need to do when traditional strategies often lead to worse behavior, meltdowns, or unhealthy self-esteem?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why “traditional” ways of motivating better behavior aren’t effective for many children
- How punishments and rewards can actually make some kids feel and act worse
- Strategies we can use instead to motivate responsible behavior
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many children with big emotions struggle to express what they need. Some tend to demand that things go their way…while others rarely stand up for themselves. How can we teach our children to ask for what they need without offending others or letting others walk all over them?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why we need to identify what’s causing our children’s behavior before we try to change it
- The scientific reasons why a child might struggle to be assertive (and why our pushing usually makes things worse)
- How to teach important life skills -- like standing up for themselves respectfully -- without harming their self-esteem or our parent-child relationship
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with school counselor and author Ashley Bartley, who is the author of five social emotional learning books for children.
Listen as I ask Ashley the 3 questions:
1. How can I help my child with time management?
2. How can I establish routines in my home to make the mornings go more smoothly?
3. What strategies would be helpful for a child experiencing separation anxiety?
Listen as Ashley asks me the 3 questions:
1. How do you handle kids refusing to do homework?
2. How do you handle kids refusing to do chores?
3. How do we minimize screen time with our children?
When we are raising children with big emotions, we have to take care of ourselves, too.
But how do we find the energy we need when we’re exhausted by meeting everyone else’s needs and have NO extra time?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The scientific reason why our bodies are constantly in fight or flight mode
- The differences between self-care and self-treatment
- Three questions you can ask yourself that will give you more energy…right now!
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Let’s be honest: Raising a child with big emotions can feel HARD. As we try to manage their reactions, their behavior, their emotions (on top of everything else in our lives), we may feel exhausted, helpless, resentful. How can we continue to support our kids when things just seem so difficult?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What we can do when we feel stuck in our Yuck
- A new perspective to help regulate our emotions and keep our cool
- A tip that allows us to respond from our values, even when we’re struggling ourselves
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with coach and consultant Nadine Stille, who helps moms find more balance and joy as working parents.
Listen as I ask Nadine the 3 questions:
1. How can moms/ parents prioritize their own wellbeing?
2. What are quick ways to get calm and grounded for when it's stressful all around you?
3. What are some ways to bring more joy into everyday life of a busy mom/ parent?
Listen as Nadine asks me the 3 questions:
1. Even with routines in place and plenty of advance acknowledgements, what else can parents and caregivers do, to avoid drama, knowing that their child reacts strongly to certain words and activities, like 'It's time for bed', 'Let's get dressed' or 'We're having dinner now and we'll switch off the tv'?
2. What's one activity that parents can do to help both young and older kids to be more confident in their own abilities and worth?
3. For anxious kids that get easily overwhelmed or stressed by new situations, what's an easy step to help them build more resilience?
If you are raising a child with big emotions, you may be gaining confidence handling outbursts in the safety and privacy of your own home. But what happens when our kids get anxious or frustrated in public places? How do we help our kids handle their big emotions in crowded stores or at family events?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why the judgment of other people affects us so much and makes outbursts even worse
- In-the-moment strategies to help when children express big emotions in public
- Tips to give your child what they need so that these outbursts are less frequent
We want our children to get along with their siblings -- both now, when they’re young and living in our house, and in the future, when they are all adults. But sometimes, kids with big emotions struggle to have healthy relationships with their siblings. How do we know if we should get involved in their conflicts? And how can we help them all get along?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why our current parenting strategies aren’t reducing sibling conflicts
- When we should step in and help our kids resolve conflict and when we shouldn't
- Three important factors we should consider when it comes to sibling conflicts + simple action we can take to get results
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Carly Adams, home organizer, owner of Tidy Revival and The Tidy Revival podcast.
Listen as I ask Carly the 3 questions:
1. What tips to you have to start decluttering when you feel overwhelmed at home?
2. What are some tips to create simple systems so that my family can get on board with home organization & Mom doesn't need to be the gatekeeper?
3. How do you find time to create systems / declutter & organize when you're already stretched thin as a parent?
Listen as Carly asks me the 3 questions:
1. As a parenting specialist, how do you recommend that parents approach decluttering and organizing when they have children with big emotions? For example, how can parents balance the need for structure and organization with the potential stress and anxiety that decluttering and reorganizing may trigger in children who struggle with big emotions?
2. Many parents of children with big emotions find themselves feeling overwhelmed and drained, which can make it difficult to prioritize self-care and maintain their own mental and emotional health. What recommendations do you have for parents who want to create a more balanced and sustainable approach to parenting, while also managing their own stress levels and emotional well-being?
3. How can I help my child develop emotional regulation skills and build resilience, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed myself? Are there any specific decluttering or organizing strategies that can support these efforts?
Sometimes when our kids have big emotions or big reactions, we handle it with confidence and patience… but other times we respond with frustration and annoyance. It may seem like it would be impossible to react consistently when we don't know how our kids are going to act or feel! However, when our reactions are predictable to our kids, it actually helps THEM be more resilient. And it’s much easier to respond predictably than you’d think.
In this episode, you'll learn
- How OUR reactions foster more resilience in our children
- What it’s like from a child’s perspective when we react differently based on our mood
- A simple plan that will allow you to immediately become more predictable
It can be frustrating when we ask our children to go play on their own for a bit (so we can get things done!!) and they just keep coming back to us. How can we encourage our kids to play independently…without losing our tempers or resorting to unlimited screen time? In this episode, you’ll learn two reasons why many kids resist playing alone. You'll also hear a simple shift in perspective that helps us lose our cool less so we can motivate our kids more, plus practical steps that we can take to help our kids be successful at entertaining themselves…so we can do what WE have to do.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Danielle Shea Tan, Licensed Nutritionist, Integrative Health Practitioner and Author of "52 Small Changes for the Family"
Listen as I ask Danielle the 3 questions:
1. I have heard that some foods can impact a child's emotions and attention, can you tell me more about which foods or ingredients and why?
2. If a parent wants to try to change a child's diet to see if behavior improves, how could they go about doing this with a picky eater?
3. Does digestive health have any impact on a child's emotional health? How?
Listen as Danielle asks me the 3 questions:
1. I am working to heal my toddler's digestion but she has anxiety and stress about going poop because it has hurt in the past. How can I support her anxiety?
2. At the dinner table, all my children do is complain about what's being served but then they eat it after we've had a blow out. How can I avoid getting triggered by these complaints and diffusing an argument before it starts?
3. My child has to avoid some foods as part of his healing protocol, but my husband and my in-laws still give them these foods and it's setting him back. How can I get them on board?
Sometimes when we see our kids’ negative behavior – when they’re being mean to a sibling, or acting disrespectful – we can tell that it’s because they’re in Yuck. But sometimes our kids act negatively and they don’t seem to be in Yuck at all. But even in those situations when it isn’t obvious, it’s likely that Yuck is still motivating their negative behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple way to know that a child is in Yuck, even if they don’t seem upset. You'll also learn why it’s so important to recognize this “quiet” Yuck and how we should respond when even our kids don’t know why they’re upset.
There are a lot of demands on our time these days. Even though we know we should spend 1:1 time with each of our children, it can feel like a daunting task to find space in our calendar and plan activities for multiple children. In this episode, you’ll learn how to make 1:1 time with children more realistic, even when we’re busy. You'll also learn how to make sure our 1:1 time actually gives kids what they need... and a tip for what to do when kids want more time with us than we can give them!
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Abbey Williams, therapist and founder of of You, the Mother.
Listen as I ask Emily the 3 questions: 1. How do I decide if I should go no contact with my mother? 2. How do you deal with the guilt and shame of being estranged from your mother? 3. How can we support those who are navigating estrangement?
Listen as Emily asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do I manage my child's stress when I am feeling overwhelmed? 2. I find my child's big emotions triggering, how do I deal? 3. How do I ensure my child has a healthy self-esteem when I struggle with this?
Children with big emotions like things to go the way they imagine they will go. Sometimes this makes them seem like they’re acting entitled -- like the world revolves around them and what they want. How do we help our kids deal with their big feelings when things DON’T go their way so they can become more resilient people…now and in the future? In this episode, you’ll learn two reasons why children with big emotions may seem entitled or self-centered and practical actions we can take to address their long-term needs (instead of their short-term behavior). You'll also learn how using this Long Game strategy helps our children learn to handle a world that isn’t always kind.
So often we assume that what we’re asking our kids to do – brush their teeth, clean their rooms, not complain when they don’t like the dinner we made – is realistic. And this is especially true when we KNOW they’re physically capable of doing what we ask! But when we expect our kids to do those things and they’re consistently not listening, sometimes we do need to re-think our expectations. And this does NOT mean letting them off the hook.
In this episode, you’ll learn why, just because our kids can physically do what we ask, that’s not enough to motivate better behavior. You'll also learn the one simple question to ask to determine whether expectations are realistic... and what to if they’re not (to ensure that kids will do the things they have to do!).
Want more?
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ "Raising Resilience" membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Emily Siegel of The Connected Mom Life.
Listen as I ask Emily the 3 questions: 1. Why does it feel so awkward to make new friends as an adult? 2. How can we make friends in the midst of busy motherhood? 3. But what about moms who are introverts?
Listen as Emily asks me the 3 questions: 1. I’m an only child and I feel lost with navigating sibling squabbles. What are the basics? Do I need “house rules”? Do I need defined consequences? How much should I be “policing” their play and their language with each other? They’re boys, so the line always feels so fuzzy to me… 2. I’m prone to just do things for my kid with ADD (age 5) so we can get out the door on time. Are there strategies that can help him better self-manage? I’ve tried the get ready charts with mild to no success. I end up just telling him each thing one by one and it’s driving us both crazy. 3. I’m tend to not push my kiddo with anxiety (age 9) into situations that will test it. How do we as parents figure out when to push and when to let them stay in their comfort zone?
We want our kids to enjoy spending time with each other, but what happens when they spend most of their time together competing and complaining that they didn’t get something the other has? Of course, the more we try to explain WHY our kids don’t always get the same treatment, the more they complain about it. In this episode, you’ll learn why kids regularly compare themselves to others, especially their siblings, what our kids really need instead of reassurance and logic when they feel things are unfair, and simple tips for reducing competition and comparison between siblings for more peace in your home.
It’s our instinct to try to help our children when they are upset, but what do we do when they won’t tell us what’s wrong? In this episode, you’ll learn why a child might not tell us why they are upset, what kids REALLY need from parents when they are sad, anxious, or annoyed, and how to address our own concerns so our kids can build resilience and healthy self-esteem.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with online safety expert Lisa Honold!
Listen as I ask Lisa the 3 questions: 1. How can I reduce screen time at our house without making us all miserable? 2. Related to devices and technology and social media and online safety, what should I be thinking about and preparing for at different ages and stages? 3. How can I get my kids to buy into screen time limits and rules we have as a family?
Listen as Lisa asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do I intervene when 1 sibling is physically abusing another without making the first one feel ashamed and the victim powerless or "the winner" because they got our help? 2. How do I get my child to help? My 8 yo used to clear her place from late toddlerhood until Covid. Now she leaves dishes, absentmindedly beginning to play or dance or something. (My husband does this also!)… also with laundry, books, toys etc. And reminding them just makes them irritated. 3. How do I get my tween (12yo) to stop lying?
Many children with big feelings react strongly to situations that seem like no big deal, like when they forget to take a plate away or have to fix one thing on their homework. In those moments, kids get really upset, and they don’t react well when we tell them that it’s no big deal. These sensitive kids often need something different than logic or reason…but what? In this episode, you’ll learn what is beneath “sensitive” children’s big reactions, what they really need in that moment in order to calm down, and how you can foster resilience in your child in a way that also builds self esteem that lasts.
Many of us believe that when you’re responding to kids’ behavior, you can either be firm OR you can be respectful -- not both, and definitely not both at the same time. Not only is it possible to balance firmness and respect, but it’s actually essential to do so if you want to be a powerful positive influence and foster internal motivation. In this episode, we’ll discuss why balancing these two qualities is necessary, why it’s easier than you think, and what it actually looks and sounds like to respond with firmness and respect, even in challenging situations.
We all know how hard it can be to get our children off of their devices without tears, pushback, or defiance. Even commonly-suggested tips -- like giving kids plenty of warning -- don’t seem to work for kids with big emotions. How can we get our kids to listen to us and get off of their devices when we ask? In this case study episode, you’ll learn why traditional strategies for getting kids off their screens don’t work, what our children need from us (instead of constant reminders), and how Long Game Parenting can teach our children strategies for hard or uncomfortable things with less conflict and a healthier parent-child relationship.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with therapist Jen Hershey!
Listen as I ask Jen the 3 questions: 1. Why do we need to re-think self-help for parents? 2. Why do parents need better resources than Google? 3. How can tech reduce parenting stress?
Listen as Jen asks me the 3 questions: 1. I have a child who feels strongly and I worry about her socially. At school, she'll only play with one person, and she feels a deep hurt if that person won't play with her. How do I support her? 2. My child with big emotions seems to be ruling the house. How do I know when to rein it in or when do we let it ride? 3. I tend to get really upset at my child... and then remove myself from the situation. How do I not make removing myself the consequence?
Most of us want to be around positive people, but often kids with big emotions aren’t positive. And when they complain about homework…or cleaning…or their siblings, our first instinct is to try to get them to STOP. But trying to get them to stop isn’t often effective. In this episode, you’ll learn why logic doesn’t work when it comes to kids’ complaints, how to shift our mindset to see complaining as a good thing (really!), and what happens when we listen to complaints with an open mind.
Often kids like to be the first one in line or the best one at a game, but some children with big emotions seem to need to win more than most. Their desire to be first or best leads to frequent competition and hurting others’ feelings. As parents, we often feel helpless to shift this behavior, as very little of what we try seems to have a long-lasting positive impact. In this episode, you’ll learn reasons why children with big emotions need to be first or best, why our current attempts to change this behavior tend not to work, and strategies to help children handle the discomfort of things not going their way.
When we’re raising a child who feels things strongly – a child who is anxious, or sensitive, or who gets really angry when things don’t go their way – we often need relief. And while I’m hopeful that parents find some relief on this podcast, I’ve also learned that many parents want even more personalized support than the podcast offers… but have not been in a financial place to afford my programs the way I have been offering them. In this episode, you will learn why I am confident that I can help both you and your children feel peace and relief, why I’m so passionate about doing so, and how I’ve made the Long Game tools and strategies more accessible than ever before.
It’s natural to assume that if things are bad now, they always will be – that if our child hates doing homework now, they will always have a hard time with anything difficult (including keeping a job in the future!). But even if those fears make sense, they tend to make situations worse. In this episode, you’ll learn why, even when we know it doesn't help, almost every parent still focuses on the bad things that might happen in the future. You'll also learn what happens in our children’s brains when we use a negative approach to motivate them... and how we can use Long Game strategies to teach our children how to create a more successful future.
It can be frustrating to have to regularly remind our children to do the things they need to do, like clean up after themselves in shared family spaces. How can we motivate our kids to complete their chores…without frustration, yelling, or blowups? In this case study episode, you’ll learn why big-feeling kids may struggle to do what you ask consistently. You'll also learn two simple actions you can take to set your child up for long-term success, and how to work WITH your child -- not against them -- to increase responsible behavior, improve self-esteem and strengthen your relationship.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Accountability Coach Jessica Smith!
Listen as I ask Jessica the 3 questions: 1. What is one simple change that you've made to your eating habits that has resulted in the most/best benefits? 2. How do I get/stay motivated to workout or eat healthy? 3. What is one thing you're currently working on to improve my own health & wellness?
Listen as Jessica asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do I help my kids have a healthier, positive body image? 2. What tips do you have for picky eaters? 3. What is one simple shift a parent can make in the morning or evening routine to make it more smooth?
In this day and age, parents are dealing with so many things that demand our attention: work, relationships, taking care of our home, our family, ourselves. Of course, we want to parent well too…But what if we feel like there’s just always MORE to do in order to be a “good parent”? In this episode, you’ll learn a simple question to ask yourself when parenting feels overwhelming, a practical step you can take toward becoming the parent you want to be, and a way to quiet that voice inside your head that says you’re not doing enough.
If you are raising a child with big emotions, you may have noticed that they sometimes exaggerate about how bad things are. These exaggerations can feel like dishonesty to us, and of course we don’t want our kids to get into a habit of lying for attention! In this episode, you’ll learn the real reason why kids with big emotions tend to make bad things seem worse than they are, how our kids want (and need) us to respond to their concerns, and a Long Game Parenting strategy we can use proactively to reduce exaggerations.
Many children with big emotions worry, and of course we want to reassure them and help them feel better. But what if our reassurance actually makes their anxiety worse? In this episode, you’ll learn how a child’s brain works when they’re worried, what our anxious kids actually need from us (besides reassurance), and how to turn your child’s concerns into a proactive plan of action that will build resilience and healthy self-esteem.
We all want to be a positive influence on our kids: We want them to listen to us…we want to be able to calm them down when they’re struggling…we want them to internalize the values we’ve taught them. But sometimes we’re not aware that the biggest obstacle to our influence is our own Yuck! In this episode, you’ll learn how our Yuck reduces our influence, from a scientific perspective, what we should REALLY focus on (instead of controlling our kids) if we want them to see us as an authority figure, and how our positive influence can lead to healthier self-esteem and a stronger relationship.
When our big-feeling kids have big moods and attitudes -- behavior we ultimately see as negative -- it’s common to think that maybe they’re being difficult on purpose. In reality, they’re not CHOOSING to be negative. In this episode, you’ll learn why, from a scientific perspective, negative behavior is not a choice, what happens to big-feeling kids who are told their negative behavior is a choice, and how we can address frustrating behavior with Long Game parenting strategies that reduce shame and build skills.
Healthy self-esteem is so important for children, especially those with big emotions who are at a high risk for feeling bad about themselves. But in the day-to-day struggles of parenting, it’s easy to fall into patterns that put more emphasis on our children’s immediate behavior and moods than their long-term self-worth. In this episode, you’ll learn why healthy self-esteem is so important, what our band-aid parenting really teaches our children, and Long Game strategies for building resilience without sacrificing children’s self-esteem.
I am a highly sensitive person, and for me, raising kids with big emotions isn’t easy. I can be overwhelmed by my kids’ big emotions and by the stress of a busy schedule. And sometimes, being a sensitive parent even creates a direct conflict with my personal parenting values. In this episode, I’ll explain what it’s like to be a highly sensitive parent (I think you’ll relate to at least some of this!), how I use my “sensitive” qualities to my advantage, and how I parent from my values in stressful or overwhelming situations – at least most of the time!
When our big-feeling kids are struggling, they can’t choose where they are when their upset comes out. While we might prefer that their Yuck surfaces from the privacy of our own home, that’s not always the case. How do we help our kids through their emotions when other people are watching and judging us? In this episode, you’ll learn how judgment from family members and strangers can affect us, tips for dealing with judgment in the moment, and long-term strategies for parenting from our values instead of others’ opinions.
We know that kids who feel things strongly are affected by their emotions. They feel things like disappointment, frustration, and anger intensely. However, kids who feel strongly are also greatly impacted by biological factors as well – factors like hunger, lack of sleep, under-stimulation, and over-stimulation. In this episode, you’ll learn a key difference between emotional and biological Yuck, which type of Yuck we should address first and why, and how you can plan ahead for biological Yuck during the holiday season to experience less negativity and more positive memories.
When our kids are in Yuck, we want them to deal with their discomfort in healthy ways instead of being disrespectful, blaming others, or shutting down. However, when we try to get them to find more effective ways, they refuse to even talk about possible strategies, let alone using those strategies. In this episode, you’ll learn the science behind most kids’ resistance, why encouraging kids to talk about coping skills will make them shut down more, and a A long-game strategy to motivate THEM to want to find strategies that work.
Parenting a child with big emotions can take patience and energy. Sometimes when our energy is depleted and we’re really frustrated with our kids, we respond in a way that we later regret… and then we feel guilty. But the next time we’re frustrated, we still react in a way that we regret… which leads to even more guilt. In this episode, you’ll learn how to recognize the frustration-guilt cycle, how we can minimize our frustration in difficult moments, and how we can reduce our guilt even when we DO handle things in a way we wish we hadn’t.
Even when we set limits and boundaries that are logical and make sense, our children with big emotions often have BIG reactions: whining, arguing, complaining, etc. How can we set much-needed limits for our children without causing long-term damage to our relationships? In this episode, you’ll learn why explaining our reasoning for limits when kids get upset actually makes things worse. You’ll also learn a plan to reduce drama around limits and boundaries, including a Long Game strategy that can eliminate resistance and build trust between us and our children.
Raising children with big emotions can be exhausting. And because we use so much of our energy managing their emotions and behavior, it can be especially devastating when they say things that are intentionally meant to hurt us. In this episode, you’ll learn specific reasons why children say mean things, why we can’t take everything they say personally, and a Long Game strategy that helps children handle their Yuck maturely and independently.
One thing we’re all dealing with almost every day is getting our kids off their screens. Even when we give them warnings, they still get upset or angry. How can we help them follow screen time limits without so much drama? In this episode, you’ll learn why getting our children off their screens is more than a behavior issue, two reasons why this particular situation is so difficult for kids with big emotions, and how to work with our kids (instead of against them) when it comes to screen time.
Often children with big emotions struggle with uncomfortable situations like losing or trying things they’re not good at. In those moments, they may become upset, or rude to others, or they may just shut down. And we feel helpless when the things we do to try to get through to them in the moment don’t seem to help. In this episode, you’ll learn why phrases we heard as kids (like “life is hard; get used to it”) don’t work for kids with big emotions, what our kids truly need in order to handle these situations, and a simple Long Game strategy that helps children gain long-lasting resilience.
When our children with big emotions have “Yuck behaviors” -- yelling, being disrespectful, shutting down -- of course we want those behaviors to STOP. And we may try many things to get them to stop yelling, being disrespectful, or shutting down. One of the only strategies that sometimes works is to distract them. But is distraction really a good idea? In this episode, you’ll learn how our kids with big emotions move through Yuck (the Yuck Curve), which part of the Yuck Curve is the best time to use distraction, and why we shouldn’t stop our kids from releasing their Yuck.
Kids with big emotions are often impacted by the tone we use when we speak to them, especially when we’re correcting them… and even sometimes when we’re not! Recognizing children’s responses to our tone can reduce cycles of Yuck that currently keep us stuck. In this episode, you’ll learn why our tone does affect children with big emotions, why we do have to consider our tone, but we don’t have to walk on eggshells to make sure we don’t upset them, and what truly builds resilience so that children are less impacted by how people speak to them.
We’ve all found ourselves in situations where our kids have said or done something hurtful -- to us, to their siblings, or to a friend -- and we’ve told them to say they’re sorry. But what do we do when they refuse to apologize? In this episode, you’ll learn powerful reasons why children with big emotions shouldn’t be forced to apologize, how to replace (ineffective) short-term assumptions with practical Long Game strategies, and how we can motivate our kids to WANT to apologize – without reminders from us.
Children with big emotions often experience overwhelming feelings when they are out in the world – at school, at events, at activities they do. Not only do they have to deal with a rush of big emotions, they also have to deal with other people noticing their discomfort. As parents, it’s natural to want to fix those situations for our children, but even our good intentions can lead to a cycle that can make them feel worse. In this episode, you’ll learn what makes situations so uncomfortable for kids with big emotions, how suggestions to make things better can actually make things worse, and Long Game strategies we can use that increase confidence, reduce shame, and lead to long-lasting positive results.
Teaching our children how to effectively handle uncomfortable emotions – frustration, disappointment, etc – starts with talking to them about these emotions. But what do we do when our children refuse to talk about these feelings (their Yuck) with us? In this episode, you’ll learn why kids resist talking about their Yuck with their parents, Long Game strategies we can use to make it more likely that they’ll open up, and what to do if they absolutely refuse to have these conversations (so we don’t feel helpless!).
Navigating mornings with children can be difficult for all parents -- but even more so when our children have big emotions. Dealing with irritability and procrastination can mean a stressful and negative start to everyone’s day. In this episode, you’ll learn why morning routines can be especially difficult for children with big emotions, what kids really need from their parents in the mornings, and two Long Game Parenting strategies that reduce family stress and build your child’s independence for long-term success.
It can be difficult to set boundaries effectively with children who have big emotions. Traditional parenting strategies like punishments or nagging don’t really work in the long run, and they tend not to feel good for us or our kids. In this episode, you’ll learn why common parenting strategies for setting limits often don’t work with kids with big emotions (you’re not imagining it!) and how to effectively set boundaries using a strategy that is completely in your control.
As school begins, life gets busier. And often we don’t have the time to do the things we “should” do – like letting our kids have their emotions so that they can act more responsible. Sometimes we just need them to get their shoes on, go to bed, get their homework done, etc. So what do we do in those situations? In this episode, you’ll learn how to handle emotions in a time crunch and what you can do to prevent these situations from happening to begin with.
Times of change can be difficult for children with big emotions. You may notice that during these times children are more irritable, more sad, or more demanding. But often our attempts to reassure them and help them through transitions aren’t effective. In this episode, you’ll learn the reason why transitions are hard for kids with big emotions, two simple Long Game strategies to support children through changes, and what you can do to foster long-term resilience.
So many of us spend a lot of energy trying to make our kids act and feel better. Even though it would seem that these are “long game” strategies because we’re hoping to create a better future for them, they’re actually “band aid parenting” strategies that ultimately exhaust us and negatively affect our relationship. In this episode, you’ll learn why we need to stop trying to “fix” our children, what we can do instead, and why this does NOT mean that they’ll become less responsible or more entitled.
Most of us disagree and argue with our spouse. It’s natural! But is it better for parents to argue behind closed doors so we don’t burden our children with our arguments? In this episode, you’ll learn why arguing with a spouse in front of children can be helpful, what factors need to be considered for healthy and productive arguments, and how the Long Game Method can help kids handle the discomfort that they may feel when parents (or other adults) argue.
Sometimes, even when our kids appear to be doing well, they still tell us about the negative things they’ve experienced – at a birthday party, the ice cream flavor was wrong; at a soccer game they won, the coach didn’t compliment them enough. It can be frustrating and worrisome when our kids always focus on things that don’t go well. Not only is it difficult to be around now, but we may also fear that if that’s how they view life, they will always be unhappy. In this episode, you’ll learn why people with big emotions tend to notice the negative first, what to do instead of forcing kids to see the “bright side,” and how the Long Game Method can help kids think more flexibly and see situations differently.
Let’s be honest -- raising a child with big emotions is not easy. (In fact, it can feel exhausting.) In this episode, you’ll learn one simple shift that will reduce the amount of energy you need when you’re addressing your child’s big emotions. This shift can also improve your relationship with your children and how they feel about themselves!
If you are raising a child with big emotions, you know how upset they can get when things don’t go their way. Their lack of flexibility may impact many areas of our lives – from mealtimes to sibling interactions to vacations and other family activities. In this episode, you’ll learn why children with big emotions insist things go their way (it’s not just that they’re selfish!), what they need in order to be more flexible, and how the Long Game Method can help you work with your child’s brain instead of against it.
When we recognize our children’s big behaviors and emotions as a struggle rather than something to be punished, other people may tell us we’re being “too soft” or “too easy” on them. They may say we just need to be firmer and not let them get away with their behavior. So what do we do when we don’t necessarily want to heed others' advice… but it doesn’t stop coming? In this episode, you’ll learn how to handle invasive parenting advice (without questioning yourself!).
It can be incredibly frustrating when our big-emotion children refuse to use their coping skills in heated situations. And when we remind them to use these strategies, they often just get more upset! What can we do in those moments to get them to calm down? In this episode, you’ll learn why children are unlikely to use coping strategies when you remind them to, and what we can do instead to de-escalate these situations.
It can be so frustrating when we do something fun for our children -- take them somewhere, play a game with them -- and then when we ask them to do what they have to do -- brush their teeth, go to bed -- they don’t listen! Shouldn’t doing things for our kids make it more likely that they’ll do what we ask? In this episode, you’ll learn why “deposits” don’t always improve behavior (and may actually make it worse) and what your children really need in those situations in order to behave better.
Siblings of children with big emotions may be impacted by their sibling’s controlling behavior, anger, meltdowns, and more. While they sometimes fight back, often these children give in to preserve the peace…which may eventually lead to resentment and other negative feelings. In this episode, you’ll learn what siblings need from us when they’re feeling resentful, how to help them make a plan for situations that frustrate them, and what changes we need to make for long-term peace in our homes.
Many children with big emotions push boundaries…over and over. And of course we give in; we’re tired of fighting with them and we’ve seen that they don’t give up until we give them what they want. In this episode, you’ll learn why firm boundaries are even more important for kids with big emotions, how to avoid getting stuck in a power struggle, and what our kids need to learn in order to respect boundaries in the future.
Kids know that they have to do things they don’t want to do: brush their teeth, put their stuff away, do their homework -- and yet, they still complain day after day. Even when we ask them to stop complaining or whining, it doesn’t stop for long. In this episode, you’ll learn why whining and complaining is a symptom of something deeper for kids, how to avoid being sucked into their Yuck (and save our energy), and what to teach them to help them stop complaining in the future.
It’s very common for parents not to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. After all, parents come from different backgrounds and often have different perspectives about what will “work.” Often when this happens, each parent will spend a lot of energy trying to convince the other that they need to change -- a strategy that is rarely effective. In this episode, you’ll learn why it’s important to stop trying to convince your spouse or co-parent to change, and what you can do instead if you want to be closer to being on the same page.
Now that birthday parties and bigger gatherings are happening again, there’s a lot of excitement. But with children with big emotions, there can be struggle as well. Often big-feeling children are hesitant to join big events, and when they do, they often come to us, full of frustration, upset, or other Yuck. In this episode, you’ll learn what children actually need in these situations in order to be more resilient so they (and we) can enjoy these gatherings more.
We all want to know what to say to put an end to a situation that is going downhill. When our children have big reactions, or when they’re being disrespectful because they’re upset… we want to know how to make them stop. The problem is, most of what we try makes the situation worse, not better. In this episode, we’ll talk about why trying to find the “right thing” to say can backfire and what action to take instead to improve a situation more quickly.
Many parents say that one of the worst parts of the day happens right after school. Often when they get home from school, children are often disrespectful (to you and to their siblings), demanding, or just plain irritable! In this episode, you’ll learn why the after-school hours are particularly difficult for children with big emotions and what you can do to make this time of day less miserable for everyone.
We are all very familiar with the whines and complaints of “it’s not fair!” And some of our kids may be melting down or getting incredibly angry when they perceive an injustice. But when we try to explain to our children why things really ARE fair (or why they have to accept that things aren’t fair!), the situation gets worse. In this episode, you’ll learn what’s really causing the “it’s not fair!” lament and what children really need in those moments in order to feel and act better.
Often when we think of “big emotions” we think of tantrums, meltdowns, and big reactions. But many big-feeling kids don’t express their emotions loudly. Instead, they may worry, or get sad, or shut down. And of course it’s just as important to be able to support children whose big emotions are quieter. In this podcast, you’ll learn to understand what’s going on in the world of a child whose big emotions are a little softer… and what we can do to empower them and foster long-lasting resilience.
If we’re being honest, how often do we change our plans or our boundaries because we’re trying to avoid our children’s big emotions and reactions? We may clean up after them instead of asking them to do it… or give them extra time on screens or with a friend instead of enforcing a clear end time… because we want to avoid the inevitable big reaction when we do set that firm boundary. Unfortunately, letting our children’s emotions lead our home isn’t healthy for us or for them. In this episode, learn why children need us to be firm leaders and how we can face their big reactions with confidence (and without getting triggered).
Often children with big emotions can be disrespectful -- calling you names, refusing to do what you ask, wanting to be first and best all the time, being rude to siblings and friends. We try to tell them that disrespect isn’t acceptable, and we may even punish them for it, but that doesn’t seem to reduce the disrespect. In this episode, you’ll learn why trying to make disrespect go away is ineffective… and what you can do instead to help your child want to act more respectful on their own.
We know how important it is for children to feel good about themselves. Unfortunately, we may recognize that our big-feeling children often don’t seem to have a lot of confidence… and no matter how we try to improve how they view themselves, it doesn’t seem to help. In this episode, we’ll talk about why children with big emotions are at higher risk for low self esteem and which simple actions you can take to help improve how your child views and trusts themselves.
Many couples who are raising children with big emotions disagree about how to handle children’s behaviors, moods, and attitudes. Often it’s very hard for either parent to consider the other’s point of view because each is so convinced that their own is correct. Interestingly, this “stubbornness” may be related to what both parents learned from their own personal experiences. In this episode, we’ll discuss how our past can impact our relationship with our spouse or co-parent and how we can see things differently if we want to get closer to being on the same page.
Many of our kids seem like they wish they were in charge. They tell us (and others) what to do, they try to get us to bend our rules, and they say mean things that seem meant to hurt us. While their behavior certainly appears controlling, in reality, children don’t want to control us or others. In this episode, you’ll learn what is really underneath controlling behavior, why seeing their behavior as controlling makes situations worse, and what you can do instead to handle this type of behavior.
Sometimes when kids get upset, we understand why -- someone was mean to them, they didn’t get their way, they had to stop doing something they were enjoying. But other times, their behavior or feelings seem completely illogical. Sometimes it seems like they get upset for no reason, or sometimes we do what they ask and they still get upset! In this episode, we’ll talk about why children’s behavior may be completely illogical and how you can respond in those situations (when nothing seems to work).
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Even when you use strategies to help reduce drama in your home, difficult situations are still going to happen from time to time. The good news is that these situations do not have to exhaust you! In this episode, we’ll talk about why we are so exhausted by our kids’ drama (it’s not the situation itself!) and what you can do so that these situations don’t take so much energy to manage.
You’ve learned how important it is to stay calm when a child is melting down or acting out. That in itself can be difficult, but what should you do if you are able to stay calm and it doesn’t seem to help… or even if your calm upsets your child more? In this episode, we’ll discuss why staying calm may backfire and what truly helps to diffuse dramatic situations.
While taking away privileges and other types of punishments may be effective in changing behavior, moods, and attitudes of some children, they tend not to help with big feeling children. In fact, threatening punishment often makes situations worse, making us feel helpless and wondering what other steps we can take. In this episode, we’ll discuss why punishments and consequences may be ineffective… and what you can do instead to foster responsible behavior and internal motivation.
It’s so easy to get frustrated or angry with (or even worried about!) children who act self-centered -- children who get mad when you don’t give them what they want or insist that things must go the way they say. Unfortunately, explaining to children that they’re being selfish and why they need to stop doesn’t tend to change their behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn why children, especially those with big emotions, tend to focus on themselves so much. You’ll learn how to respond to this issue in an effective, but perhaps non-intuitive, way.
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One of the behaviors that we often see in children with big feelings is that they react quickly and strongly, usually in a way that seems disproportionate to the situation. Trying to convince them not to get so upset, or using logic to explain why they shouldn’t be so reactive…only makes the situation worse. In this episode, you’ll learn why it makes sense that children with big feelings act so “dramatic” and how you can help them in the short run and foster more resilience in the long run.
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Although some may ask what it means to be raising a child with big emotions, if you are raising a child with big emotions, you probably know. You’re likely raising a child who may be inflexible, bossy, sensitive to criticism, and they likely respond in big ways. In this episode, we’ll discuss the unique challenges of raising a child with big emotions, one thing your big-feeling child must have in order to thrive (that you may not be aware of), and why I’m shifting the focus of my business to support the parents of children with big feelings.
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The holidays are a lot of fun for children. They may be getting new gifts, going to fun places and parties, and even eating more things they enjoy! But sometimes, no matter how great their day is (or what you’ve done for them), they still melt down… or complain… or whine… or resist when you ask them to do something. In this episode, you’ll learn why you may see negative behavior, moods, or attitudes even after a great day, and you’ll learn what action you can take to turn the situation around.
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One of the main components of long game parenting is making plans proactively for handling situations (so you don’t have to address as much in-the-moment negativity). In this episode, you’ll learn two things you can do now to prepare for a more positive holiday season. And the best news? Neither of these tips take too much time or energy.
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We want our kids to listen, and often the way we attempt to motivate them is to try to find ways to MAKE them listen -- punishments, rewards, etc. But for some kids, the more we try to MAKE them listen, the less they actually do! In this episode, you’ll learn what role you can play in increasing your positive influence with your child. You’ll also learn specific steps you can take so that your children actually WANT to listen to you and act responsible, even when you’re not around to remind them.
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When we’re deciding how to respond to kids’ behavior, we’re often motivated by preventing bad things from happening in the future. We want to do everything we can to make sure they turn out to be responsible and respectful, and that they have success and happiness later in life. But often, when we’re focusing on the future, we aren’t able to give them what they need to act and feel better in the future. In this episode, you’ll learn why “future thinking” creates more worry and doesn’t have the positive impact you’d think. You’ll also learn tips to help you prevent this type of thinking so that you can give your kids what they actually need to be successful.
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Often we WANT to connect with our children -- to understand how they’re feeling or what motivated a certain behavior -- but they don’t tell us. When we ask them questions, they may say “I don’t know,” or shrug, or they just don’t answer… and we leave conversations feeling disappointed and helpless. In this episode, you’ll learn 3 reasons children tend not to open up to us and what steps you can take to address each of those reasons.
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Although it’s more effective to reduce negative behavior, moods, and attitudes proactively, sometimes you have to address them in the moment. And as we know, there are things we can say to make the situation better… or worse. In this episode, you’ll hear a simple suggestion (based on changing ONE word!) to improve your influence with your child when they’re not doing what they should be doing.
We know that it’s important to stay calm when we’re asking children to do something. But what happens when we stay calm and kids STILL don’t listen or do what they’re supposed to do? Is yelling or threatening our only open (especially when that seems to be the only thing that motivates them)? In this episode, you’ll learn why children likely don’t listen, even when you’re calm… and what you can do instead to motivate more responsible behavior without relying on yelling or threatening.
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Running late causes stress for almost every parent. And when we are running late, our kids’ behavior seems to get worse -- causing even more stress. In this episode, you’ll learn why children’s behavior really does deteriorate when we’re behind schedule. You’ll also learn what you can do to motivate them to move more quickly so you can get where you need to go… with less stress.
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When our children worry or are hesitant about new things or new people, it’s tempting to try to reassure them that everything will be OK. But that strategy is often ineffective and can even make children feel worse. In this episode, you’ll learn two strategies to help your child feel more confident in their own ability to handle situations that they might normally want to avoid.
Follow Rachel in Instagram: https://instagram.com/rachelbaileyparenting
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Sign up for Rachel’s free weekly tips by email: https://rachel-bailey.com/weekly-tips/
Check out Rachel Bailey's Parenting Academy: https://rachel-bailey.com/parenting-academy/
So many of us think (or say), "I would be more patient if my child would just do what I ask the first time I ask..." or "I wouldn't raise my voice if my kids didn't fight..." Often without realizing it, as parents we are letting our children's behavior control our behavior. In this week's podcast, you’ll learn tips to stay in control of yourself, even when you are unhappy with your child's behavior, mood, or attitude.
While I’ve shared a lot of parenting strategies on this podcast, in this 100th episode I’m going to share some tools that I use to maintain my own parenting long game… even though much of what I teach doesn’t come naturally to me. I will tell you how I maintain my cool (most of the time), despite the fact that I am very sensitive to my kids, both of whom have pretty big emotions! In this episode, I also request that if you haven’t done so yet, please subscribe and rate the podcast so that I can reach more people with the (hopefully valuable) parenting tips that I share.
When you face negative situations, you probably try your best to turn things around. But sometimes no matter what you try, things remain negative, issues pile up... and you may start to feel stuck in Yuck. In this episode, you’ll learn why we often get stuck in negative cycles and how you can break free -- even if others aren’t helping or you’re tackling multiple situations at once.
When you’re raising a child with someone else, you’re likely to disagree on how to handle situations. Sometimes when you have to make a decision about how to respond to your child, most of the energy is spent with each of you trying to convince the other why you are right and they are wrong. In this episode, you’ll learn what makes it so hard to compromise in these conversations… and what you can do to get on the same page when it comes to doing what’s best for your child.
Some of the most commonly used discipline strategies are behavior charts, rewards, and punishments… But what happens when you try them and they’re not effective in motivating better behavior? In this episode, you’ll learn why some children don’t respond to charts or point systems and what you can do instead to ensure that children act responsible, even when they don’t feel like it.
When we speak to people, we want them to listen and to engage with us. But often we ask our children questions, or make suggestions, and we are met with disrespect or even resistance. In this episode, you’ll learn what you may be doing that is contributing to that resistance and how you can turn conversations (and even your relationship) around.
It makes our lives easier when children don’t insist that things need to go their way….when they can go with the flow. But often children who don’t insist on things going a certain way ALSO don’t ask for what they do need. And they may not stand up for themselves to others -- siblings, friends, peers, or even adults -- when necessary. In this episode, you’ll learn why children may not stand up for themselves (even when you’ve told them how important it is and taught them what to say!) and how you can teach them to become more assertive so they know (and show) that they matter too.
We know that part of being a parent is paying attention to and spending time with our children. But in some cases, no matter how much attention we give them, they always want more! In this episode, you’ll learn why some children seem to have a never-ending need for attention. You’ll also learn why you don’t have to be their full-time entertainer and what you can do instead when children demand more than you have to give.
Many parents believe in respectful parenting strategies, but they worry -- or their friends or family members warn them -- that these strategies will handicap children in the future. After all, not everyone will treat them with respect, and they need to be prepared for a harsh world out there! In this episode, you’ll learn why respectful parenting strategies foster more resilience, not less. You’ll also learn the action you can take to set your children up for success, in even the most challenging environments... while still treating them with respect.
We all have to provide instruction to our children -- setting limits, letting them know when they’ve done something wrong, suggesting ways to do things differently in the future. But some children get very upset about this type of feedback; they may become defensive or angry, become overly apologetic, or say mean things about themselves. In this episode, you’ll learn why some children have such a difficult time with these messages (no matter how nicely we say them), how to respond to their reactions, and how you can foster resilience so they can handle the fact that they will hear a lot of “criticism” in their lifetime.
In the past, you may have tried to implement strategies that resonate with you… a strategy to motivate your daughter to clean her room or to teach your son to be more respectful… but when you try that strategy, it doesn’t work. Especially if you’ve made multiple attempts, you may start to feel defeated and hopeless. In this episode, you’ll learn what to do when strategies you’ve tried don’t have the impact you wanted them to -- especially when you don’t have a lot of energy, but you don’t want to stop trying.
Knowing that you are in charge in your home -- and just as importantly, your KIDS knowing that you are in charge in your home -- is important in motivating better behavior... and in helping kids feel safe. But you may not know how to lead with confidence, especially when your kids don’t seem to listen to or respect you all the time! In this episode, you’ll learn why it’s so important to be a strong leader in your home and the specific action you can take to get there.
No one likes nagging. Your kids don’t like hearing it, and you don’t like doing it. But how can you stop when they won’t do what they’re supposed to do UNTIL you nag or yell? In this episode, you’ll learn why kids don’t do what we ask the first time we ask, and why nagging isn’t the only solution. You’ll also learn simple steps of a conversation you can have with your children to identify other ways to motivate responsible behavior (that will work better for them and for you).
As you may know, negative behaviors (aggression, disrespect, defiance, meltdowns, shutdowns) often indicate that a child is not coping in a healthy way. And you may have tried to teach your children to use healthier coping strategies many times in the past… but they still don’t use those strategies as often as you’d like them to. In this episode, you’ll learn why children have such a hard time using healthy coping skills. You’ll also learn what you can do to make it easier for them -- and more likely that they’ll use these more respectful and helpful strategies rather than resorting to negative behaviors, moods, and attitudes.
Of course we want our kids to think more positively. Not only do we know the reasons that positive thinking is healthier, but let’s be honest, hearing constant negativity can be draining! Unfortunately, encouraging and reminding some kids to think more positively doesn’t seem to help. In this episode, you’ll learn why certain kids are more resistant to thinking more positively. You’ll also learn how to respond effectively to their negativity and how to foster more resilience so you don’t have to address their moods so often in the moment.
When the same situation tends to not go well over and over, it can be helpful to make a plan for how you want to handle that situation differently in the future. And when you’re making your plans, it’s a good idea to include the actions you DON’T want to take -- things that you know from experience make the situation worse. In this episode, you’ll learn how a “to DON’T list” leads to less stress and negativity. You’ll also learn the benefits of creating that list… not just when it comes to responding to your kids, but even when it comes to setting expectations for yourself and others.
We want our kids to listen to us and do what they’re supposed to do, but often the way we try to teach them how to act responsible negatively affects our influence and our relationship. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple formula for how to be both firm AND respectful so that your children are more likely to do what you ask them to do...and internalize the lessons that you’re trying to teach.
While it can be valuable to learn parenting tips and tools, it can also be helpful to learn how to apply those tips and tools to real situations! In this episode, you’ll learn how to motivate children to focus on themselves instead of what their siblings are doing. You’ll also hear the answer to another question about how to convince children that they need to do what we ask them to do.
“Strong willed” behavior -- kids’ questioning, negotiating, defying -- can be incredibly frustrating to deal with. And it makes sense that when we see that behavior, we try to get children to change. But that strategy is often ineffective, making us feel helpless to address the situation effectively. In this episode, you’ll learn why strong-willed behavior is actually a coping mechanism for children who have big feelings. You’ll also learn how understanding that connection can help you motivate more positive behavior and foster your child’s long-term resilience.
One of the things that exhausts us most as parents is having to deal with others’ big emotions -- especially when we’re dealing with them so frequently. Of course we always want to try to teach our kids tools to deal with their own emotions...but in the meantime, it is possible to feel less exhausted no matter how others around you are acting or feeling. In this episode, you’ll learn simple steps you can take to protect yourself from being depleted by others’ emotions.
We all want our children to feel good about themselves, and often we try to instill a sense of confidence by praising or complimenting them. Unfortunately, praise and compliments often lead to a sense of entitlement rather than healthy self-esteem. In this episode, you’ll learn the two components of healthy self-esteem as well as simple actions you can take to start to incorporate these concepts into your life.
While it can be valuable to learn parenting tips and tools, it can also be helpful to learn how to apply those tips and tools to real situations! In this episode, you’ll hear answers to parents’ questions about addressing disrespect (which often doesn’t go well in the moment) without letting kids “get away with it”; and why children may demand more attention -- and act as if you never give them any! -- when others are around.
While it’s difficult to see children being mean to others, it’s just as hard to hear them being mean to themselves, saying things like “I’m stupid,” “I’m ugly,” or “I have no friends.” And often the way we respond to those statements doesn’t seem to make them feel better. In this episode, you’ll learn why our (logical) responses may do more harm than good… and what you can say and do instead to improve how your child views themselves.
You may have such good intentions about staying calm when addressing your children’s behavior. But when you’ve asked them to do something over and over, or when they’re being aggressive or disrespectful, or when they’re melting down over the smallest thing, it is HARD to keep your cool. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple tool for handling these situations more effectively… and in a way that you don’t regret.
If you have a child who tends to have big emotions or reactions, you’ve probably tried many different things to reduce the drama in that moment. But you may not have found much success, so you’re dealing with the drama over and over (or you’re walking on eggshells to prevent that big reaction!). In this episode, you’ll learn exactly what to focus on as your child is having a big emotion so that the situation goes more smoothly -- and so that you feel less helpless and depleted. You’ll also 2 simple statements to use so that you can incorporate this strategy right away.
While it can be valuable to learn parenting tips and tools, it can also be helpful to learn how to apply those tips and tools to real situations! In this episode, you’ll hear answers to parents’ questions about what to do when a child gets upset when they receive positive feedback and how to address a child whose initial reaction is to scream -- even when they know they’re not supposed to.
After a year of spending so much (sometimes negative) time with your children, you may feel that your relationship with them isn’t where you want it to be. But you may not know how to improve things except to “spend more positive time with them”...which you may not have the time or desire to do! And maybe you’ve even tried to improve your relationship, but your children are resistant. In this episode, you’ll learn how to make “micro deposits”-- actions that don’t take much time and that will improve the likelihood that your children will actually want more positive moments with you.
As we’ve been home with our children more for the last year, one of the most difficult parts is that we haven’t gotten time for ourselves. For many of us, this lack of alone time has led to less patience, less connection with our kids, and a lot more Yuck (in everyone). And even though we know we need more time to ourselves, we may not know how to find it. In this episode, I’ll offer 3 tips for getting that time that you need so that you can start to find your patience, give your children what they need, and shift the tone in your home.
When a child is in the middle of a negative behavior, mood, or attitude, it’s hard to get them out of it. (Even if you’re able to, it takes a lot of energy.) The reality is, it is more efficient to teach children how to act differently when they’re NOT in that negative place. But who wants to talk about negative behavior after it’s happened? Often children will be resistant to these conversations… or the conversations don’t lead to change. In this episode, you’ll learn the 3 steps to a positive conversation -- one that is more connective and is much more likely to lead to positive change in future behavior.
You may want to talk to your children about topics like race and diversity and inclusion, but how do you bring up these topics? When should you start talking about them, and what should you say? In this episode, guest expert Ebone’ Granger will share her tips on what to say to your children to foster race consciousness (with tips for children of different ages) and what to do if you haven’t started these conversations yet. She’ll also offer tips about how to handle it when others engage in conversations with your children that conflict with what you’re teaching them.
Many of us learned as children that if things were difficult, we should just suck it up and push through it. In reality, when we just suck it up and push through it, Yuck builds up inside of us and negatively affects how we treat others and how we deal with situations. In this episode, you’ll learn how YOUR Yuck dumps can lead to better behavior, moods and attitudes in you and your children. You’ll also learn a simple question to ask yourself to start your Yuck dump and how to make sure your Yuck dump doesn’t turn into wallowing.
While it can be valuable to learn parenting tips and tools, it can also be helpful to learn how to apply those tips and tools to real situations. In this episode, you’ll hear answers to parents’ specific questions about what we can do as parents to help us pause before reacting, which tools siblings need to get along (and how to teach those tools without condoning negative behavior), and what to do when a child is being defiant.
Most children lie at some point, whether it’s over something small or something big. Of course any parent is likely to feel angry and concerned when a child lies. Unfortunately, when our responses come from a place of anger and concern, we usually respond in a way that doesn’t address the issue effectively. In this episode, you’ll learn 3 reasons children lie (it’s not just to avoid punishment), why our usual attempts to address lying tend to backfire… and how we can use a different strategy to reduce this behavior now and in the future.
We’re depleted, and often we don’t know how to break out of the cycle of exhaustion we’re caught in. One of the simplest ways out of this cycle, however, takes one of the simplest actions: Choose different thoughts. In this episode, you’ll learn about the concept of “neutral thinking” -- a strategy that may help even if you’ve struggled with affirmations or thinking positively. You’ll also learn how this strategy can save you energy and help you parent from a place of your values rather than a place of your Yuck.
You know it’s important to set rules and boundaries if you want to raise responsible, resilient children. But how do you set rules and boundaries that children will actually follow? In this episode, you’ll learn the components of “effective” expectations. You’ll also learn 3 questions to ask yourself going forward if you want to set realistic boundaries for your children that lead to success rather than power struggles.
You may want to stop using parenting strategies that don’t work and make you feel bad (what I call “band aid parenting” strategies). You may promise yourself that you’ll start using more respectful, effective, long-lasting strategies (what I call “long game parenting” strategies). But wanting to change and actually implementing new tools are often two different things. In this episode, I’ll teach you a process of small action steps you can take in order to shift from old habits to new ones. You’ll also learn how this method will allow you to break free of the cycles of negativity that currently seem impossible to change.
It’s that time of the year when we’re all thinking about improvement. When it comes to your family, you likely want to see more respectful, resilient behavior and more connected relationships. But your attempts to make things better may not be leading to long-term results. In this episode, I’ll review the two things that must happen if you want to see long-lasting positive change… and how I’ll be supporting you in realistically incorporating these two changes into your life going forward.
For many of us, our days consist of doing things for other people, and IF there happens to be time left over (there usually isn’t), we might think about what we need. Unfortunately, putting our needs behind everyone else’s doesn’t just affect us; it affects our children. In this episode, you’ll learn why attending to your needs is necessary if you want to see improvement in children’s behavior. You’ll also learn how to identify where to start making SMALL changes… and how to increase the likelihood that you’ll actually take action.
Especially when we’re not in a good place as parents, it’s hard not to take it personally when kids say “I hate you” or “You never give me anything I want!” And when we do take it personally, the situation often goes downhill. In this episode you’ll learn why, in most cases, statements that seem to be about you actually AREN’T about you. You’ll also hear the one question you can ask that will help you take those statements less personally… and why this doesn’t mean condoning disrespect from your children.
When we’re feeling stressed or frustrated, one of the first things most of us try to do is change what’s happening around us. We think that if our kids would only act differently, if our spouse would only do more, if our mother would stop judging us… then we can feel better. Unfortunately, trying to make others change so that we feel better is usually ineffective, and it’s exhausting! In this episode, we’ll discuss a simple strategy that will help you feel better and more in control, even when people around you aren’t doing what you wish they would.
It’s likely that your children and adolescents are complaining now more than ever… and let’s be honest, it can get pretty annoying. So it makes sense that your instinct is to try to motivate them to think more positively or have a better attitude. But this can take a lot of energy, and the effort usually isn’t necessary. In this episode, you’ll learn why I’m encouraging you to let go of trying to change negative attitudes. Instead, I’ll show you how to work WITH their complaints rather than AGAINST them -- and how using this strategy will motivate better attitudes and strengthen your relationship and your influence.
Although holidays were stressful in past years, they also meant fun traditions, time with family, and (at least some) events to look forward to. Now, after an already-challenging year, this holiday season is going to look very different for most of us. It’s easy to wonder how you’re going to get through this time when things you’ve enjoyed about holidays in the past… aren’t happening. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple strategy (based on two sentences!) that will not only help you feel less stressed this holiday season, but will also bring some joy -- even if that joy looks a little different.
When our children misbehave, we often assume that they are “choosing” to do what they are doing. In reality, their negative behaviors and attitudes are more likely a sign of missing skills than a choice they are making. In this episode, we’ll discuss the science behind why children don’t “choose” negative behaviors or attitudes. You’ll also learn why this doesn’t mean that we excuse negative behavior...and what we can do to effectively address it.
Of course we want our children to have great relationships with their siblings, other family members, friends, and peers. But what happens when our children struggle with these relationships? While we can suggest ways they can act differently, we tend to underestimate the impact that our own relationships have on our children’s relationships. In this episode, we’ll look at the impact that we do have, and you’ll learn simple ways that you can use your relationships to improve theirs.
Many of us spend the majority of our parenting time and energy trying to address the behavior, moods, and attitudes of the same child... But what about the siblings of these “challenging” children who don’t receive as much of our attention or energy because they’re simply “easier”? Should we worry about them? Do they need more? In this episode, you’ll learn how to identify when children may (or may not) benefit from more support... and the two simple things you can do to ensure that these children are getting what they need.
The demands on our time and energy are greater than ever before. And many of us have already TRIED taking things off of our plate and decreasing our expectations of ourselves, but we’re still feeling overwhelmed. In this episode, I’ll offer a strategy for how to reduce the feeling of overwhelm by shifting how you see your time...so that you can feel more productive and less exhausted.
We may believe that it’s our job to foster responsible, respectful behavior in our children. But what if we try to talk to them about their behavior and they refuse to acknowledge that they’ve done anything wrong? What if, when we bring up things they’ve done (or haven’t done), all they do is defend themselves...or blame others? In this episode, we’ll discuss how to understand and handle this type of behavior effectively -- not only in children, but in anyone!
Most of us want to raise responsible, resilient, confident children -- without feeling overwhelmed ourselves. I started my business over a decade ago (and this podcast a little over a year ago) because I genuinely know how to help parents do just that. So when the pandemic hit and parenting became even MORE of a challenge for so many MORE parents, I knew I had to help; but honestly, I couldn’t figure out how to do it without burning myself out! So I joined forces with Christina (Chris) Croll to identify ways to support more parents in ways that are realistic for myself… and for parents. In this episode, I’ll introduce you to Chris. She’ll tell you a bit about her parenting journey, and then we'll discuss how we’re going to continue to support you (without assuming you have extra time or energy!). Remember, creating your parenting long game doesn’t TAKE longer; it just lasts longer.
It’s relatively easy to show kids how much we support them when they’re doing what we want them to do. But what happens when they are not doing what we want? During those times, many of our children feel that we are NOT supportive… which often makes them think that we only “accept” them when they are being the person we want them to be. In this episode, we’ll discuss why we must demonstrate unconditional acceptance if we want to raise responsible, resilient, confident children. You’ll also learn why unconditional support is NOT the same thing as being permissive, and how you can demonstrate this type of acceptance even (especially) when you don’t condone their behavior.
As the novelty of a new school year is starting to wear off, kids’ behavior may be becoming more and more frustrating. Often in response to this behavior, our instinct is to ask “How can we make them do what they’re supposed to do?” instead of “WHY aren’t they doing what they’re supposed to do?” In this episode, I interview two experts, Debbie Rosen and Lindsey Thoms, who discuss that frustrating school-related behavior is often related to under-developed executive functioning skills… and that there is a solution! Debbie and Lindsey offer specific strategies to compensate for these under-developed skills AND suggest how to approach kids and adolescents in a way that they’ll be open to our suggestions.
Many of us were raised to believe that when you’re responding to kids’ behavior, you can either be firm OR you can be respectful -- not both, and definitely not both at the same time. Not only is it possible to balance firmness and respect, but it’s actually essential to do so if you want to be a powerful positive influence in children’s lives. In this episode, we’ll discuss why balancing these two qualities is necessary, and what it actually looks and sounds like to respond with firmness and respect, even in challenging situations.
No matter how many parenting tools you have, no matter how good your intentions are, you’re going to make mistakes as a parent. You’re going to do things you regret. And while you may KNOW that you’re going to make mistakes -- that you’re human and far from perfect -- you may still worry about how your “mistakes” impact your kids. In this episode, you’ll learn why it’s actually important for your children to see you making mistakes. You’ll also learn a simple strategy for handling those mistakes in a way that supports your child, even when things don’t go perfectly for them in your relationship.
We know it’s our job to teach our kids how to act more responsible. But what happens when you can’t find consequences that work to motivate long-term responsible behavior? In this episode, you’ll learn why most of the strategies we use as consequences aren’t effective in the long run… and what to do instead to foster internal motivation so that kids do what they’re supposed to do, even when we’re not around.
Many parents these days are feeling guilty, especially as we’re stressed or depleted and taking that Yuck out on our families (or dealing with Yuck in other ways that we regret). The truth is that most of us DON’T know how to deal with our Yuck in a healthy way. In this episode, we’ll discuss why so many of us struggle in this area... and how we can use that knowledge to act more in line with our values and experience less guilt and regret.
Because kids have been home for so long, many of the activities that they used to enjoy are no longer engaging them. So they are bored, and as a result, their behavior has become more negative. While many parents recognize that kids’ boredom leads to misbehavior, most aren’t sure what to do about it -- beyond saying “Go find something to do!”... which inevitably doesn’t work for long! In this episode, we’ll discuss why so many of kids’ negative behaviors (more than you probably realize!) are related to their boredom, why the solution isn’t entertaining them yourself all day long, and what to do instead.
As parenting seems harder and more depleting these days, it’s easy to focus on the things that we’re doing wrong. We may worry that we’re letting our kids spend too much time on screens… or that we’re not supporting them in the “right” way. Unfortunately, focusing on what we’re doing wrong doesn’t change anything… and it wastes precious energy. Instead, focusing on our strengths actually saves energy AND improves our relationship with our children. In this episode, you’ll learn how to identify your strengths (even if you’re not sure right now what they are!) and turn them into simple, concrete action steps that can help you feel less exhausted and less guilty.
You may know all of the reasons that spending one-on-one time with your kids is important, and you’ve probably experienced the positive effects of having this time with them. But these days most of us are just trying to get through the day, so finding the time and energy for one-on-one time seems impossible -- especially when you’re dealing with their resistance to spending time with you… or with meltdowns when their time with you is over. In this episode, Rachel will share tips for making one-on-one time work… and how to make sure you and your kids are getting the most out of it when it happens.
Parenting takes energy. Even at the most basic level, we have so much to do because we are taking care of multiple people who depend on us. However, many of us are spending more energy than we have to spend… and as a result, we’re more depleted, irritable, and unhappier than we need to be. In this episode, learn changes you can make (that don’t take extra time!) to give yourself what you need, give your kids what they need, and to parent with less stress and less energy.
One of the most frustrating behaviors for many of us as parents is when we try to tell our kids something… or teach them something… or ask them to do something... and they act disrespectful or even defiant. So how can we set effective boundaries if they won’t even listen to us? Increasing your positive influence and motivating better behavior, moods, and attitudes isn’t about “convincing” kids to do anything. It’s about approaching them in a way that makes them open to listening. In this episode, you’ll learn exactly what that looks and sounds like.
There is a lot of negativity in many of our homes right now. We’ve been home together for a long time, and it’s likely that we will continue to be in this situation for a little while longer. Unfortunately, the way we usually approach our unwanted behavior, moods, and attitudes only increases the negativity. So instead of trying to make these issues go away, we need to reduce the Yuck that’s causing them to begin with… and in this episode, you’ll learn a very simple action you can take to do just that.
Few of us have extra energy these days. Between trying to get things done and trying to keep kids entertained, off of screens, and not fighting, we are exhausted. We certainly don’t feel like we have the energy to be consistent. Yet it’s consistency -- following through when we tell our kids that we’re going to do something -- that actually gives us more energy. Consistency leads to fewer power struggles, fewer meltdowns, and less time spent nagging. And the best news is that there are simple strategies that make following through even easier -- strategies that you can use now (even when you’re currently exhausted) so that you can, ultimately, be less exhausted.
While we were home 24/7, many kids and teens were on screens more than ever before. They used technology for school, they used technology to connect, they used it to entertain themselves. But summer is here and many parents are asking how they can decrease the amount of time that kids are on screens -- ideally, without creating power struggles. Hear Rachel interview Lisa Honold, Director of the Center for Online Safety, as they discuss parents’ role in online safety, whether the difference in type of “screen time” matters, how to track and monitor what kids are doing online, how to approach our kids and teens when it comes to reducing the amount of times they spend on screens… and even how we should deal with the guilt we’ve had over how we’ve let them use screens in the past.
No one wants to raise an entitled child… so we know we have to set boundaries, rules, and limits. But we also know that when we set those boundaries, rules, and limits, we’re likely to get pushback in the form of whining, complaining, disrespect, meltdowns, or even defiance. So how can we handle those reactions? In this episode, you’ll learn exactly what to say and do in response to this immature behavior -- and more importantly, how to shift these situations from negative interactions to opportunities to build your child’s resilience.
Most of us believe we’re listening to our kids. We listen when they’re telling us about things that they like or want. We ask them questions about things they’ve done, and we listen to what they’re telling us. But when our kids say or do things we don't like, many of us stop listening and start telling them how they should think and feel. Or if our kids tell us why they’re upset with us, many of us focus on defending ourselves rather than truly hearing what they have to say. In this episode, you’ll learn the steps you can take to start to listen to -- and learn from -- your kids, especially when you don’t agree with them.
We want our kids to get along, to be there for each other now and in the future. But what happens when our kids AREN’T getting along for a large percentage of the time? Most of us either assume they’ll work it out on their own… or we step in and become judge and jury, trying to figure out who was wrong and what the best punishment should be. Instead, we can give kids the tools they need to resolve conflict on their own, so that not only do they respect themselves and their siblings… but they learn what they need in order to have healthy relationships and to treat others with respect both in and outside of the home.
When I speak to parents about staying calm, they often say things like “I would stay calm if only my child would stop acting that way!” Of course we are more calm when our kids (or spouse or anyone else) are doing what we want them to do. But do we want to ONLY be able to stay in control of our emotions when other people are doing what we want them to do? In this episode, you’ll learn a tool -- that doesn’t require anyone else to behave a certain way -- that will allow you to stay calm, no matter what is happening around you.
If you have a school-aged child, you’ve probably experienced more than one argument or power struggle over schoolwork. In our defense, it is incredibly frustrating when kids take way longer to start (and finish) assignments than they need to. And it’s hard to see them put in the least amount of effort possible, refusing to do anything more than they have to. So we try to motivate them by using external motivators like yelling, nagging, and, more often than not, punishments. But punishments don’t tend to lead to long-term results because they don’t teach kids HOW to stay focused on their schoolwork (especially when it’s a topic they don’t care about). In this episode, you’ll learn how to foster internal motivation by teaching kids the tools they need to be successful when it comes to doing their schoolwork -- even when it doesn’t interest them.
We know that we need to teach our kids how to act responsible and respectful. But how do we respond when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do? Most of us rely on “traditional” discipline strategies like yelling, nagging, or taking away things that they care about with the hope that that will motivate them to act better in the future. However, many parents find that these strategies don’t actually lead to long-term positive behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn the three reasons that punishment (and other external motivators) don’t tend to lead to the results we want… and what you can do instead.
Plus, receive a free downloadable resource that reviews the difference between “band aid parenting” and “long game parenting” and what you can do to shift from punishment to a strategy that works: http://rachel-bailey.com/34.
Listen in to a real coaching / problem-solving session as Rachel offers suggestions to mom Sara, whose daughter worries frequently -- even at events that might normally be cause for celebration.
Not only are the solutions meant to support Sara’s daughter, but they’re also meant to support Sara too. Raising a child with worries, fears, and big emotions can be difficult… and how we think about kids’ worries affects both us and them.
One of the most frustrating things about being a parent is when we KNOW our kids and teens know how to do the things we ask them to do -- clean their room, put their dishes away, get dressed, do their homework -- yet they don’t do those things. Often we’ve tried multiple strategies to motivate better behavior, but they don’t lead to long-term results... so we’re constantly nagging, threatening punishments, or engaging in power struggles. And it doesn’t feel good for anyone.
So let’s try a new strategy -- one that actually addresses the REASON that they are not doing what they’re supposed to do, and helps both us and our kids have a plan for exactly how to handle it if they don’t. In this episode, you’ll learn this step-by-step strategy that will address the obstacles that lead to kids not acting responsible… so that they know how to do the things they’re supposed to do, even when they don’t feel like it.
Being home all the time means that there is MORE to do in certain areas. Kids need more help and support. There is more cleaning and cooking to be done. It even takes more time and energy to put away groceries! If you’re doing more of the work but don’t have more help, you may feel (understandably) resentful.
And if we’re being honest, even before the current situation, many of us felt resentful in many areas of our lives. While it may feel like we need other people -- or situations -- to change before we feel less resentful, there are actually things that are in our control to change the dynamic. In this episode, we’ll talk about how resentment affects both you and your relationships… and what specific actions you can do to reduce resentment and its impact.
Even before the global pandemic, many children struggled with fears and worries. Unfortunately, many of the strategies we used then and continue to use now -- logic, reassurance, and sometimes good ol’ frustration (because we’re human, after all!) -- don’t tend to be effective at addressing their concerns in the long run. In this episode, we’ll discuss why those strategies don’t work for kids (and why they wouldn’t work for us either). We’ll also consider different tools for supporting our kids when they express their fears and worries so that we see results that help now… and into the future.
Whether we’re aware of them or not, our expectations have a tremendous impact on how we feel.
When we expect that we can get 10 things done in a day and we only complete 6 things, we may feel unproductive or ineffective. When we want to spend more time with our kids but when we aren’t able to, we may feel guilty or overwhelmed.
But none of us want to lower our expectations; we fear that if we do, we’ll never get enough done, or we’ll let our kids down, or other bad things might happen. The solution, then, is to revise your expectations -- making sure that your expectations are working for you rather than against you.
Welcome to the first on-air coaching episode! (There will be many more to come.) In this episode, I coach mom Audrey, whose daughter, when she gets upset, tends to take out her Yuck on Audrey. In this episode, we focus on how Audrey can help her daughter cope differently. Just as importantly, we also discuss strategies for how Audrey can help reduce her daughter’s Yuck to begin with, and she creates a plan for how she can respond to her daughter in the moment. (Note: This episode is not COVID-19 specific. If you’d like more time-sensitive support related to your kids’ or your own behavior and emotions, feel free to join us in the “Your Parenting Long Game’ Podcast Community” where I’m offering more live, interactive events and other tips and support.)
You may already know that it’s important for kids to express their feelings. But what do you do when they express their feelings in a way that seems unhealthy -- if they become aggressive when they don’t get their way, become disrespectful when you set a boundary, or become fearful when they’re faced with change? The good news is that even though coping in a healthy way does not come naturally to most people, we can teach our kids to recognize their feelings and respond to them in a more mature, productive way.
Fear and uncertainty... It feels like those feelings are growing every day. And often with those feelings comes negativity. Just like we do with our kids, we also have to understand what’s causing OUR feelings and behavior. When we recognize how our current situation is “withdrawing” from us, we can find solutions -- not only for feeling more in control, but also for being a model to our kids of how we can feel and act better, even in times of uncertainty.
Many of us are exhausted and would love to find ways to save time and energy. Although it doesn’t seem like it would be true, one of the ways we truly can save time and energy is to stop addressing negative behavior and big emotions as they’re happening. Instead, when we proactively give kids and teens what they need, the negative behavior and big emotions -- that take so much time and energy to deal with! -- simply don’t happen as frequently or intensely to begin with. In this episode, you will hear why, although it is possible to experience positive long-term results using in-the-moment strategies, you will save so much precious time and energy by using proactive strategies instead. I’ll also dissect a specific scenario to demonstrate the difference between in-the-moment and proactive strategies so you can see for yourself!
Although it is more effective (and less exhausting) to handle kids’ big behaviors and emotions proactively, sometimes we simply have to deal with them in the moment. Unfortunately, our in-the-moment responses often make the situation worse -- especially because both we and our kids are in Yuck. In this episode, we’ll discuss an in-the-moment strategy that focuses on giving kids what they need and addressing the Yuck (ours and theirs!) so that we can experience the positive results that we all want.
For many of us, life is stressful. But what makes us feel even more overwhelmed is when we want things to go a certain way -- we want our kids to act a certain way, we want our spouses to do something different, we want our plans to go smoothly -- and they don’t. So we try new and different strategies but when nothing works, we feel helpless and out of control… which only contributes to our stress and overwhelm. In this episode, we’ll talk about why we feel so out of control and how to shift your measure of success so that you can genuinely have more of a positive influence on what’s happening around you.
Raising a strong willed child is not easy. Strong willed children tend to try to control situations so that they always get their way. They melt down or act out when we ask them to do something. They negotiate and resist even the littlest things. And in response, we tend to try HARDER to make them see or perspective or get them do what we want them to do… which only leads to more power struggles and negativity. But the reason we don’t see long-term results is that we don’t usually consider or address the cause of strong-willed kids’ behavior. When we understand why kids are being so “stubborn,” and when we give them what they need (not what they want!), that’s when behavior and moods change.
We’d all love parenting to be a little easier, and fortunately there are times when parenting does seem less difficult. Often during those easier times, our kids aren’t acting better; rather, WE’RE IN a better place and their behavior doesn’t affect us as much. But when we’re NOT in a good place -- when we’re triggered by our kids’ behavior, or when we’re stressed or overwhelmed with life in general -- everything kids do seems to be an extra burden that we have to deal with. If we want to spend less energy in the negativity, it’s important to realize how our own past and present actually make parenting harder.. so that we can start to relieve this burden.
It’s incredibly frustrating when we ask our kids to do something they don’t want to do… or we tell them something they don’t want to hear… and they whine, complain, melt down, or become disrespectful. Not only is it exhausting to deal with the response, but their reactions make us worry about their ability to handle the fact that life is hard sometimes. Worse, the strategies we use to try to help them handle disappointment and frustration don’t usually help. In this episode, we’ll discuss what you can do to help your kids handle the fact that things aren’t always going to go the way they want them to.
We’d like to be able to make parenting decisions confidently...and then feel good about the decisions we've made. And we’d like to know how to handle the situations we face with our kids every day. But the truth is that many of us question ourselves as parents, wondering how to decide what’s best for our children… or how to respond most effectively in the moment when they do things that we don’t want or expect them to do. We can increase our confidence in our decisions -- and feel more in control in our daily lives -- when we create a Parenting Avatar that acts as a North Star to guide us and remind us how to be the parents we want to be.
You may recognize how important it is to understand what’s causing your children’s behavior if you want that behavior to change. However, for many of us it’s difficult to understand why kids do what they do. When we try, we only can see the situation from our perspective… which, unfortunately, only leads to negative assumptions (“they just don’t feel like doing what I ask”) that not only impact our relationship, but also impact how kids feel and act in the long run. In this episode, we’ll discuss how you can get into your child’s world so you can see that when they’re misbehaving, they’re not just doing it because “they feel like it.”
It’s incredibly frustrating to have to address the same issues over and over with our kids. We don’t want to have to ask them again and again to get their shoes on, or brush their teeth, or put their dishes away. We don’t want to deal with the drama or disrespect every single time our kids don’t get their way. We want them to learn how to act more responsible and be more resilient… but it’s hard to make those changes in the first place, let alone make them last. In this episode, we’ll discuss two factors that I’ve found over the years are most likely to predict the long-term positive change that we all want to experience.