Ayo Gathing MD - SoundSage

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Your marriage is one of the most important relationships that you will have in your life. In spite of this, many do not feel that it should take much effort. They are ready to hit the road the minute things get tough or things do not go their way. Anything that is valuable takes work. Just like there are no overnight successes in business, there are no marriages that exist without building a strong foundation.

Strengthening your relationship is much like building a sturdy home or developing a career plan; you have to be willing to exert energy every day to make your dream happen.

Here are some things that you can do on a daily basis to improve your marriage:

Tell your partner that you appreciate them- Day to day life can be monotonous, and that routine can slowly seep into the foundation of your marriage if you let it. The beauty of marriage is enjoying the simple moments together, and maintaining the passion that you feel for each other. One way to avoid getting too comfortable is to let your partner know how much you value them and the things that they do on a regular basis. Knowing that you are appreciated can prevent staleness and ensure emotional satisfaction in the long run.
Be considerate- In an intimate relationship, you will lean on each other through good times and bad. A part of maintaining success over time is being thoughtful and anticipating your partner’s needs. Recognizing when your spouse needs you or your help even without asking goes a long way to building a strong connection and foundation of trust.
Be honest, even when it’s hard- In a marriage it is tempting to keep things to yourself, especially when it seems to make things easier. That major purchase outside of the budget or the forgotten chores. But, it is important that you are honest with your spouse as these things have a tendency to come back to bite you. It may be hard to swallow your pride and admit your faults, but it will go a long way in building trust.
Practice kindness- Remember the golden rule? Well saying please and thank you is not just for kindergarteners. We tend to be harder on the one closest to us or give them the brunt of our negative emotions. However our spouse should be the person that we cherish and respect the most. If you put your best foot forward and remain as kind to your partner as you are to others it will create a healthier and happier home environment.
Maintain marital privacy- When you experience tough times or have conflict with your spouse, your instinct will be to turn to other persons close to you for reassurance and support. However, this behavior undermines the sacredness of your union. Involving others in your marital affairs can lead to gossip, hurt feelings, and an abuse of trust. Maintain the privacy of your relationship and work through your problems as a team.
Nurture interests and relationships outside the marriage- It is easy to get stuck in the rigmarole of your daily life. However, having time away from your everyday routine allows you to take some space and appreciate what you have. Whether it be working on a passion project or hanging out with friends, be sure to preserve a life outside of your marriage to maintain a sense of self. You can then go back to your marriage with a sense of purpose and renewal
Practice forgiveness- Everyone makes mistakes and you both surely will in a marriage. And while saying I’m sorry for the things that you do may be difficult, it can be even harder to accept the apology of your loved one. However, learning to forgive is essential to a healthy relationship. Practicing forgiveness allows improved conflict resolution and prevention of resentment that can build up over time.
Prioritize self care- Marriage requires a great deal of hard work and sacrifice. But one thing that you should never sacrifice is your own wellness. Taking care of yourself allows you to maintain your functioning in and out of the home. This can mean anything from pampering yourself with a manicure or massage to doing something that you enjoy. Never forget to take care of you as it allows you to bring your best self to the table. Your mind, body and spouse will thank you.

The opinions expressed here are solely my own as a psychiatrist and public health advocate. I receive no support from any pharmaceutical or device company.

My new book—The Modern Trophy Wife: How to Achieve Your Life Goals While Thriving at Home — is now available in electronic, paperback and hard cover versions. Get your copy here

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I am here to tell you that the dating game has changed. Can you still run into the love of your life at a grocery store or local nightclub? Yes. But waiting for that to happen is no longer your only option. Online dating has become one of the most popular ways of meeting a dating candidate, and is not going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, internet and social media dating have casted an even wider net to capture a potential significant other. But as the times have changed, so have the rules. Here are ten tips for successfully navigating the world of online dating.

Make an actual commitment to take it seriously. So what if your bestie begged you to do it or you only made a profile after your younger cousin’s wedding. You have now made the decision to give online dating a try, so don’t sabotage yourself by having a cynical view from the outset. Give it a real chance and see what happens!
Manage your expectations. Similar to offline dating, you cannot expect to meet your match on day one. You will likely interact with a number of individuals before meeting someone that you will click with. So be patient and do not give up too soon.
Be thoughtful in creating your online profile. Ditch listing “I love movies” or “hanging out with friends” in your info section and get more real. Reveal your favorite restaurant or a secret hobby that your coworkers do not know about. Not only do these things make you stick out, but they are also a great conversation starter or date idea!
Be mindful of the content on your social media pages. With the increasing number of dating sites being linked to social media pages, it is imperative that you are careful with what you divulge on social media. Be consistent in the persona you are looking to portray across dating and social media sites, and this includes your username. You never know who your admirers are acquainted with or what other dating sites they are frequenting.
Scrap the checklist. We all have one. That list of the qualities we seek in our perfect mate. But guess what? This is real life, not a movie so no one will be perfect. If you are too stringent in your search criteria you may miss out on meeting an amazing individual just because they were an inch off or 5 miles outside of your radius. Stick to actual deal breakers when searching and listing preference.
Only interact with people that you are actually interested in. It is fine to be respectful and let candidates down easy, but you have no obligation to carry on conversations or respond to individuals that you are not interested in. Your time is valuable, so do not waste it in order to entertain yourself or make someone feel better.
Do not ignore red flags. People generally reveal their character in words and actions; however it is human nature to see the best in someone or hope for the best. Evaluate your candidates by present circumstances and how they are treating you, not by their potential.
Make use of technology to feel out your connection. Technology has finally caught up to help you determine if there is a spark prior to your first date. From FaceTime to Snapchat, there are various ways to interact with your potential suitors to gauge your connection. It also doesn’t hurt that you can prevent a catfish scenario by checking out the true visual.
Take things offline as soon as you feel comfortable. So once you have determined that you are ready to meet someone, put the phone or computer down and get out there! It is easy to stay online to prevent disappointment or not be letdown, but you are just preventing the inevitable. If you are worried about your safety, meet in a public place and be the last to leave.
Do not invest high levels of energy until after meeting in person. Building a relationship takes more than an endless chain of emails and nightly phone conversations. Until you have met in person, you do not truly know someone. So before ignoring other admirers online or telling your friends how great an individual is, be sure to meet offline first to confirm mutual interest.

The opinions expressed here are solely my own as a psychiatrist and public health advocate. I receive no support from any pharmaceutical or device company.

My new book— The Modern Trophy Wife: How to Achieve Your Life Goals While Thriving at Home — is now available in electronic, paperback and hard cover versions. Get your copy here

My website is https://www.ayogathingmd.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/ayogathingmd

Follow Ayo Gathing, MD on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ayogathingmd

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The beginning of the year is a great time to reflect on ways to improve yourself and your life. This concept also applies to your relationship! A healthy partnership is maintained when you are thinking about how to nurture the connection. Now is the time to sit down and come up with a course of action that will positively impact your relationship all year long.

Here are five relationship resolutions that you should consider this year.

Improve your Communication. Tools for healthy communication are ones that are developed not automatic. The ability to listen for understanding, express issues or unmet needs in a constructive manner and lay out ideas for positive conflict resolution are learned over time. Now is the time to make acquiring these skills a priority.
Affirm One Another Daily. Letting your partner know that they are valued goes a long way. Expressing that you notice their effort and the little things that they do shows your appreciation and strengthens your bond.
Schedule Unplugged Time. Setting aside time away from all technology to give your undivided attention allows you deeper and more meaningful conversation. Device free moments also signal to your partner that they are important and are worthy of your time.
Place Check-Ins on the Calendar. Life can get busy so be sure to schedule a weekly conversation to discuss the status of your relationship. Talk about how each person is feeling about things, any issues that may be present, and things that you each want to see more of moving forward. This is your time to stay in tune with one another so that things do not linger or go unsaid.
Bring your Best Self to the Table. As the year drags on, life will get stressful at times and throw you curveballs. Paying adequate attention to your health and practicing self-care regimens allow you to refuel your tank. Getting adequate sleep, regular exercise, and relying on your support network help to prevent burnout.

The opinions expressed here are solely my own as a psychiatrist and public health advocate. I receive no support from any pharmaceutical or device company.

My new book— The Modern Trophy Wife: How to Achieve Your Life Goals While Thriving at Home — is now available in electronic, paperback and hard cover versions. Get your copy here

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