The Healing You Method with Gloria Lybecker: Recent Episodes
Gloria Lybecker
The Healing You Method, with Gloria Lybecker, explores how the blends of relational neuroscience and resonant language, with the power of somatic empathy, literally rewires our brain and restores our capacity for self-love, emotional regulation, and well-being.
We are wired to survive. But survival in society often means surrendering parts of ourselves. The instinct to belong runs deep, so deep that we trade authenticity for approval, expression for acceptance.
In a world shaped by silent expectations, the tension between conformity and individuality becomes a quiet battle within.
The psychology of fear and survival keeps us looping through old patterns, shaped by past wounds and inherited beliefs.
Even as we grow, the ghosts of the past whisper: fit in, stay small, stay safe. But survival is no longer just about staying alive it’s about coming alive.
This episode invites reflection on survival instincts in society, surviving social pressures, and navigating conformity in modern life, not to escape them, but to meet them with awareness and begin to rewrite the pattern.
For more such content, follow me on:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/healing_you_with_gloria?igsh=bzQ1cTloemtsajBp
LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/glorialybecker
Website- https://glorialybeckercoaching.com
Gail Donohue - https://www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
Keep shining and living from your heart.
#HumanSurvival, #SocialConformity, #GhostsOfThePast, #SurvivalPsychology, #CulturalEchoes, #CollectiveMemory, #SpiritsOfHistory, #SocialPressure, #ExistentialFear, #HauntedByTradition
Welcome to another episode of The Healing You Method Podcast with Gloria Lybecker, where we dive deep into the psychology of thinking patterns and explore how your mind creates and sometimes traps you in mental loops.
In this episode, Gail and I dive deeper into the world of mind mapping techniques, we understand the pattern of perceptions and decode mental models. We learn being kind to ourselves and why this urge arises.
If you’re curious about the inner workings of your mind, this episode will help you connect the dots between neuroscience, introspection, and personal transformation.
🎧 Subscribe, share, and join us as we decode the brain’s hidden patterns and begin the journey to healing, one thought at a time.
For more such content, follow me on:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/healing_you_with_gloria?igsh=bzQ1cTloemtsajBp
LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/glorialybecker
Website- https://glorialybeckercoaching.com
Gail Donohue - https://www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
Keep shining and living from your heart.
#thoughtpatterns, #mentalclarity, #cognitiveprocesses, #mindfulnesstechniques, #neuroscienceinsights, #self-discoveryjourney, #creativethinking, #overcomingmentalblocks, #psychologyofthought, #mindmappingstrategies
Why does fear seem to run the show—and how do we take the power back? Welcome to another episode of The Healing You Method Podcast. In this episode, Gail and I talk about overcoming fear techniques. We learn how fear controls and psychology of fear response. More often than not, People’s life looks easier from afar, but what we are not able to see is their transforming fear into power and emotional reactions to fear. Come, let’s talk about it.
This uplifting podcast invites you into inspiring conversations filled with powerful stories of transformation and learning to align your energy. For more such content, follow me on: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/healing_you... LinkedIn- / glorialybecker Website- https://glorialybeckercoaching.com Gail Donohue - https://www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
Keep shining and living from your heart.
#Fears, #Control, #EmotionalHealing, #GloriaLybecker, #TheHealingYouMethod, #MentalHealthPodcast, #OvercomingFears, #Mindfulness, #selfdiscovery , #personalgrowth
Welcome to the new episode of my Podcast series - The Healing you Method. In this podcast, my friend Gail Donohue and I delve deeper into energy focus techniques and how they help in channelizing positive energy.
We share our experiences of how we learned our words and thoughts can manifest energy intentions, boosting our mental energy. When thoughts turn monstrous, we drive inspiration from the most unlikely sources (like a bow and arrow - tune Into the podcast to find out)
This uplifting podcast invites you into inspiring conversations filled with powerful stories of transformation and learning to align your energy.
For more such content, follow me on:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/healing_you_with_gloria?igsh=bzQ1cTloemtsajBp
LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/glorialybecker
Website- https://glorialybeckercoaching.com
Gail Donahue - https://www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
Keep shining and living from your heart.
#EnergyFocus, #InnerPower, #HarnessYourEnergy, #MindfulLiving, #PersonalGrowth, #EmpowermentJourney, #MeditationTechniques, #EnergyManagement, #ManifestationTechniques,#PositiveMindset
Welcome to the new episode, Noticing Changes, of my Podcast series - The Healing you Method. In a deep conversation with my friend Gail Donohue, I talk about how noticing changes transform our mindset. When we become mindful about the several anecdotes that take place in our life, it boosts our self awareness. We are able to fuel the mental shifts and change our perspectives facilitating mental shifts. This uplifting podcast invites you into inspiring conversations filled with powerful stories of transformation.
For more such content, follow me on: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/healing_you... LinkedIn- / glorialybecker
Website - https://glorialybeckercoaching.com/
Gail Donahue - https://www.gaildonohuecoaching.com/
Keep shining and living from your heart.
#mindsettransformation, #podcast #personalgrowth, #shiftingperspectives , #mindfulness #mindsetchanges, #consciousthinking , #mentalshiftdiscussions, #mindsetevolution , #selfimprovement #attitudeadjustments , #overcominglimitingbeliefs
Welcome to the Healing You Method Podcast with Gloria Lybecker and co-host Gail Donohue. Gail reflects on the joy of travel and family while also sharing the bittersweet feeling of not always accomplishing what we envisioned. Join us as we explore how to realign our focus, honor every experience, and move forward with intention and purpose.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 279]
#healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod #InnerAlchemy #FocusOnWhatMatters #Transformation #PurposeDriven #MindfulLiving
In this episode, as we wind down the summer season, our hosts, Gloria Lybecker and Gail Donohue, dive into the subtle patterns that keep us stuck on autopilot. Together, they explore how our daily routines—shaped by early conditioning and the busyness of life—can sometimes derail us from living with intention. Tune in as we share insights and practical tips on how to gently shift your focus, reconnect with your inner wisdom, and start making conscious choices that lead to true transformation.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 278]
#healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod #InnerFocus #ConsciousLiving #TransformYourLife #MindfulJourney #InnerAlchemy
Welcome to the Healing You Method with Gloria! I'm Gloria Lybecker, and I'm here with my wonderful co-host, Gail Donohue. In today's episode, we reflect on the highs and challenges of the past few months and explore how to maintain our focus and creativity through life's transitions. We dive into the art of staying centered even when expectations shift—learning from our patterns, trusting our intuition, and letting our inner wisdom guide us forward. Join us as we share personal insights and practical tips for balancing joy and accountability on your unique journey.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 277]
#InnerFocus #CreativeJourney #LifeTransitions #EmpoweredLiving #InnerAlchemy #MindfulGrowth #healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod
Welcome to this episode of The Healing You Method, where Gail Donohue and I explore the hidden patterns that shape our lives. We dive into our personal journeys—talking about being peacemakers, perfectionists, and more—and how recognizing these patterns helps us reconnect with our true selves beyond the labels we’ve inherited. Join us as we share insights on transforming our stories and embracing our unique inner wisdom.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 276]
#SelfDiscovery #TransformYourStory #AuthenticLiving #MindfulJourney #healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod
Welcome to this episode of The Healing You Method, where Gail and I dive into the magic of tapping into our innate creativity. In today’s conversation, we explore how shifting our focus—from outdated labels and limited perspectives to the boundless power of our intuition—can change the very course of our lives. Join us as we discuss practical ways to let your heart guide your decisions and reset your life's rudder toward a future full of purpose and possibility.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 275]
#UnleashCreativity #InnerAlchemy #LiveWithPurpose #SoulfulJourney #CreativeTransformation #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria
Join me, Gloria Lybecker, and co-host Gail Donahue as we explore how to stay centered during life's busy and unpredictable moments. Whether it's juggling responsibilities or handling unexpected triggers, we discuss how slowing down and reconnecting with our heart can help us manage even the most chaotic situations. Tune in for insights on recognizing patterns, practicing self-compassion, and realigning with our true selves.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 274]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #LifeTransitions #SelfCompassion #HeartCenteredLiving #MindfulPresence
Join me, Gloria Lybecker, and my co-host Gail Donohue as we explore how our emotions can take us off course and how recognizing our emotional patterns can help us find our way back. In this conversation, we dive into the importance of slowing down, recognizing triggers, and taking care of ourselves in the face of panic and stress. Learn how to pause, breathe, and release the grip of emotional reactions.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 273]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #EmotionalAwareness #MindfulLiving #EmotionalHealing #SelfCare #StressRelief
Welcome to the Healing You Method with me, Gloria Lybecker, and co-host Gail Donohue. As we step into the new year with fresh ideas and big dreams, we explore how to make changes from a place of authentic desire—not out of obligation. Tune in as we discuss slowing down, honoring our true vision, and the power of genuine companionship on this transformative journey.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 272]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #NewYearNewVision #AuthenticLiving #MindfulChange #SoulfulJourney
In today's episode, Gloria Lybecker and co-host Gail Donohue dive deep into the power of life energy and presence. From finding magic in the simplest of moments to stepping into heart-centered living, we explore how slowing down and noticing what’s around us can reconnect us to the beauty of life. Join us as we share our personal stories and practice the art of truly showing up, letting go of attachments to outcomes, and experiencing life in alignment with our authentic selves.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 271]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #LifeEnergy #HeartCentered #Presence #Mindfulness #MagicalMoments #AuthenticLiving
In this episode, Gloria Lybecker and Gail Donohue dive deep into the concept of perfectionism and how it limits our natural flow and creativity. Gail, formerly a high-performance athlete, explores how perfectionism impacts the body, mind, and spirit, while Gloria highlights how easy it is to forget the sacredness behind expressing ourselves freely. Together they uncover how slowing down and embracing the beauty of flow can liberate us from rigid standards and reconnect us to our true life force.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 270]
#Perfectionism #FlowState #HeartfeltConversation #SelfDiscovery #CreativityUnleashed #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria
Join Gloria Lybecker and her co-host Gail Donohue on the Healing You Method podcast as they explore the impactful patterns of reactive behavior and how to overcome them. In this heartfelt conversation, they share personal experiences of recognizing automatic responses and the transformative power of mindfulness and self-compassion. Discover practical strategies to stay present, break free from old habits, and cultivate a life filled with resilience and authentic connections. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships or deepen your self-awareness, this episode offers valuable insights to support your healing and growth journey.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 269]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #MindfulLiving #OvercomeReactivePatterns #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #BePresent #EmotionalHealing #Resilience #AuthenticConnections #Mindfulness #TransformYourLife #SelfAwareness #PositiveChange #HealingJourney #InnerPeace
Join Gloria Lybecker and her delightful co-host Gail Donohue on the Healing You Method podcast as they explore the powerful patterns of reactivity and how to overcome them. In this episode, they discuss practical strategies to recognize and pause automatic behaviors, cultivate mindfulness, and foster self-compassion. Discover how to break free from old, limiting patterns, build resilience, and create a life filled with authenticity and joy. This insightful conversation will inspire you to live more consciously, stay connected to your true self, and embrace meaningful transformation.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 268]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness #SelfCompassion #EmbraceYourself #TransformYourLife #Resilience #AuthenticLiving #EmotionalHealing #MindfulLiving #OvercomeReactivity #SelfAwareness #PositiveChange #HealingJourney #LifeTransformation
Join Gloria Lybecker and co-host Gail Donohue as they explore the powerful impact of comparison on our lives. In this episode, they discuss how operating on "robot mode" or autopilot can hold us back from true personal growth and authenticity. Discover effective techniques to recognize and break free from unconscious patterns, cultivate mindfulness, and develop self-compassion. Tune in to learn how to overcome the traps of comparison and unlock your full potential!
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 267]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #BreakFreeFromComparison #Mindfulness #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #AuthenticLiving #BePresent #OvercomeAutopilot #EmbraceYourJourney #Resilience #EmotionalHealing #PositiveChange #InnerStrength #LiveAuthentically #MindfulLiving
Join Gloria Lybecker and co-host Gail Donohue as they delve into the transformative topic of breaking free from "robot mode." In this insightful conversation, they explore how mindfulness, compassionate awareness, and connecting with nature and horses can help you stay present and truly engage with life. Learn to recognize and gently transform your automatic patterns, embrace your true self, and cultivate unconditional love and presence. Discover the power of living with intention and the profound impact it can have on your personal growth and healing journey.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 266]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #Mindfulness #Presence #SelfAwareness #HealingJourney #PersonalGrowth #EquineTherapy #TraumaHealing #Compassion #MindfulLiving #LifeForce #TransformYourLife #AuthenticLiving #StayPresent #EmotionalHealing
In this episode, Gloria and Gail dive deep into the importance of listening to our bodies and slowing down when we need it most. Gloria shares her personal experience of jumping into an exercise routine too quickly, only to face the consequences of pushing too hard. But, by honoring her body and choosing a more mindful approach, she discovers the power of self-care, patience, and compassion. This conversation highlights the journey of healing, understanding old patterns, and the importance of creating a balance between ambition and self-care.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 265]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingJourney #SelfCompassion #MindfulLiving #BodyMindSpirit #PersonalGrowth #Patience #SelfCare #HealthyLiving #Empowerment #LifeBalance #Healing
In this episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria and co-host Gail discuss the challenge of confronting deep-seated patterns that can feel overwhelming and difficult to break. They explore how unconscious beliefs and trauma reactions can resurface, making us feel like we're stuck in a cycle of suffering. But with the right support and a safe, gentle space, we can create new neural pathways, recognize our true selves, and begin to reclaim our power. Join them as they share their own journeys and encourage listeners to embrace their healing process with compassion and understanding. 🌟
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 264]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingYou #PersonalGrowth #SelfLove #Empowerment #HealingJourney #SelfAwareness #Transformation #InnerStrength #Mindfulness #EmotionalHealing #TraumaRecovery #GrowthAndHealing #SoulAwakening
In this episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria and co-host Gail share their personal experiences of being blindsided by life’s unexpected challenges and the inner patterns that often hold us back. They discuss how to recognize and break free from limiting beliefs, the importance of reaching out for support, and how taking heart-centered actions can help you regain your power. Join them for a powerful conversation about transformation, resilience, and learning to trust yourself in moments of uncertainty. 🌿💖
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 263]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingYou #Transformation #PersonalGrowth #Empowerment #SelfLove #Resilience #HealingJourney #HeartCentered #Mindfulness #SelfAwareness #Support #InnerStrength #SelfDiscovery
In this episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria and co-host Gail explore the power of recognizing and breaking free from limiting core beliefs that shape our behaviors and hold us back. They share their personal experiences with deeply ingrained beliefs and how they learned to confront and challenge them, ultimately embracing who they truly are. This conversation offers valuable insight into how we can create meaningful shifts in our lives by acknowledging patterns, accepting our vulnerabilities, and taking action despite fear. Join them as they dive into the transformative process of self-discovery and self-love. 💖
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 262]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingYou #CoreBeliefs #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #Transformation #EmotionalHealing #Mindfulness #HealingJourney #Empowerment #Authenticity #Vulnerability #SelfAcceptance #GrowthMindset #InnerPeace #LifeJourney
In this episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria and co-host Gail dive into the powerful concept of separation—learning to recognize that who you are is not defined by your emotions, your body, or your accomplishments. They explore how understanding this separation can bring profound healing and clarity, empowering you to live more authentically. Gloria shares how this realization has transformed her life and the lives of her clients, and they discuss the importance of emotional awareness in this process. Join them for this insightful conversation on reclaiming your true self! ✨
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 261]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingYou #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealth #PersonalGrowth #Separation #Identity #TrueSelf #EmotionalWellbeing #Mindfulness #Authenticity #HealingJourney #InnerPeace
In this heartfelt episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria shares a vulnerable moment from her life, revealing how an unexpected health crisis triggered old patterns of self-doubt and comparison. Gloria opens up about the impact of striving for perfection and the importance of showing up as we are, even on tough days. Listen as she and co-host Gail explore the creative process, how to navigate imperfections, and the power of accepting ourselves as we are. 💖
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 260]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #HealingYou #SelfAcceptance #Vulnerability #PersonalGrowth #Creativity #Mindfulness #SelfLove #EmbraceImperfection #OvercomingComparison #LifeJourney #Authenticity
In this episode of The Healing You Method, Gloria and Gail dive into a common challenge many of us face—getting stuck in familiar patterns that pull us away from our goals. Gloria shares how unconscious programming can impact our progress, and how recognizing and stepping through these patterns can open up new possibilities. Discover how taking intentional action, even when it feels uncomfortable, can bring you closer to your vision and create lasting transformation. 🌱✨
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 259]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #PersonalGrowth #OvercomingComplacency #CreativeProcess #GoalSetting #UnconsciousPatterns #Transformation #FollowingThrough #SelfAwareness #Mindfulness #IntentionalLiving #BreakingHabits #LiveTheLifeYouLove
Join Gloria Lybecker and Gail Donohue as they dive into the concept of dynamic urge and its role in the creative process. From understanding our impulses to exploring the metaphor of camera lenses, they discuss how we can shift our perspective to build sustainable growth and long-term goals. Tune in for valuable insights on balancing immediate gratification with lasting fulfillment.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 258]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #CreativeProcess #DynamicUrge #DelayedGratification #PersonalGrowth #SustainableDevelopment #GoalSetting #Mindfulness #Empowerment #HealingJourney #Transformation
In this episode Gloria and Gail dive into the concept of primary and secondary choices. We explore how clarity and motivation play a key role in our ability to take strategic actions towards our goals, even when those steps may feel tedious. Tune in to learn how making intentional, specific choices can lead you to success!
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 257]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #PrimaryChoices #SecondaryChoices #GoalSetting #PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness #StrategicAction #Clarity #Empowerment #HealingJourney
🎙️✨ Today, we’re diving into a deeper understanding of choices: primary vs. secondary. Are your actions truly aligned with your values, or are they driven by obligation and a desire to please others?
Join us as we explore how to distinguish between conscious, value-driven choices and those sneaky, unconscious patterns that can hijack our lives. We share insights on staying connected to what really matters and offer practical ways to become more intentional with your daily decisions.
👉 Watch now and start noticing the structure behind your choices!
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 256]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #choices #values #purpose #selfawareness #ConsciousChoices #ValuesDriven #SelfAwareness #IntentionalLiving #PersonalGrowth
Join us today as Gloria Lybecker and Gail Donohue discuss how to deal with uncomfortable feelings that arise when we want something but think we can't have it. Learn techniques for observing your thoughts and patterns without judgment to build awareness. Tune in for practical tips on cultivating patience and appreciating tension.
*Are you ready to transform your shadow beliefs into empowered actions?
Take your first step now:
Gloria Lybecker: www.glorialybecker.com
Gail Donohue: www.gaildonohuecoaching.com
…
[Healing You with Gloria - Episode 255]
#healingyouwithgloria&gail #selfawareness #mindfulness #emotionalintelligence #thehealingyoumethod
🌿✨Today, we're exploring the power of becoming aware of our life patterns and the magic of feeling truly seen and understood.
Have you ever felt deeply "felt" by someone? That sense of connection can be life-changing, helping us heal trauma and live more authentically. Join us as we share stories and insights on the importance of resonance and the path to self-discovery.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 254]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingJourney #SelfDiscovery #TraumaHealing #ConsciousAwareness #NonviolentCommunication #PodcastLove
In this video, my good friend Gail Donahue and I explore the practice of bringing more awareness to the choices we make every day. We delve into how unconscious beliefs and patterns can influence our decisions and the importance of being honest with ourselves. Join us as we discuss the power of intentionality and the value of community support in developing a practice of self-awareness. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences! 💕✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/ …
[The Healing You Method - Episode 253]
#TheHealingYouMethod #SelfAwareness #Mindfulness #PersonalGrowth #IntentionalLiving #CommunitySupport #BeliefSystems #SelfDiscovery
This year, I've been intentionally deepening my connection with my horse, Finn, learning to communicate without a halter or lead rope. Today, we celebrated our journey by dancing together to a song called "Flowing." It was a beautiful experience of being in sync and embracing the flow of life.
I'm curious—where in your life are you choosing to intentionally practice staying present and nurturing something you love, simply because you love it? I'd love to hear your stories! 💕🌿
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/ …
[The Healing You Method - Episode 252]
#TheHealingYouMethod #EquineConnection #Mindfulness #IntentionalLiving #Flow #NatureLovers
In this video, I’m diving deep into my journey with the Healing You Method and sharing some recent insights from a powerful conference experience. Join me as I explore the importance of staying true to ourselves, recognizing old patterns, and turning challenges into opportunities for growth and connection. Let’s continue this journey together, one authentic step at a time.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/ …
[The Healing You Method - Episode 251]
#TheHealingYouMethod #SelfDiscovery #Authenticity #PersonalGrowth #MindfulLiving
🌿 Embracing the Beauty of Change 🍂
Come sit with me at the sanctuary this fall morning, where I’m reflecting on the gentle transition from summer to autumn. Let's explore together how we can open our hearts to the new possibilities each season brings. 💛
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 250]
#EmbraceChange #FallReflections #SanctuaryLife #Mindfulness #NatureConnection #healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod
When we’re on a path to healing and wholeness, it’s easy to trip ourselves up by focusing on what we “don’t” want. But what if we shifted that focus to what we “do” want? In this video, I share a personal story of how I learned to reframe my intentions, transforming old habits by paying attention to what I was saying yes to. It's all about empowering yourself with life-serving action and compassionate self-talk. 🌿✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 249]
In this video, I reflect on a powerful dream of flying that reminded me of the freedom we can all experience when we break through the limiting patterns of our past. Just like the feeling of riding bareback with the wind in my hair, this dream symbolized my spirit rising above old constraints. Every time we take action from our heart, we soar toward our true potential. What are you ready to break free from? 🌟✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 248]
#BreakThrough #FollowYourHeart #Empowerment #Freedom #TakeAction #DreamBig #healingyouwithgloria #thehealingyoumethod
🌙 Ever wake up in the middle of the night, your mind racing with all the things you wish you could change? I experienced that last night, feeling overwhelmed by past regrets. But instead of getting lost in the shame, I took a deep breath, connected with my heart, and reminded myself that it's all about love. Focus on what you truly care about and let that guide you forward. 💖
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 247]
#SelfCompassion #FocusOnLove #PersonalGrowth #MindfulLiving
🌟 Stuck in old patterns? I’ve been there too, battling shame and self-judgment. But by compassionately witnessing my behavior, I learned to see these patterns without judgment, and they began to lose their grip.
Take a moment to notice your experiences without judgment. Share them with someone who truly listens—it’s a game-changer.
Watch the full video to learn how to live in choice and break free. 🎥✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 246]
#SelfCompassion #BreakThePattern #MindfulLiving #PersonalGrowth
🌟 Have you ever noticed a pattern in your life that keeps you constantly busy, but deep down, you're unsure if it's truly what you love? I recently had a powerful realization during a conversation, noticing how easy it is for us to get caught up in routines that don't align with our true passions.
Take a moment today to check in with yourself. Are the things you're busy with truly serving your heart's purpose, or have they just become a habit? If it's not bringing you joy and fulfillment, it's time to hit pause and reconnect with what you love. The world needs you to share your unique gifts and passions with us! 💖✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 245]
#MindfulLiving #HeartCentered #BreakThePattern #LiveWithPurpose #AuthenticLife #ReconnectWithYourself
Join Gloria Lybecker in a heartfelt conversation as she discusses the challenges of feeling on top of the world one day and devastated the next. Discover how unexpected events can trigger deep emotional responses and learn the importance of staying connected with yourself and others during tough times. Gloria shares valuable insights on managing these experiences, reaching out for support, and finding solace in community. Tune in and reconnect with your heart, even in the face of adversity. 💖✨
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 244]
#EmotionalWellbeing #SelfCare #CommunitySupport #HeartCentered #GloriaLybecker #Resilience #Mindfulness #Healing #Connection
Hello, everyone! I've been on a bit of a hiatus, taking some time to mourn the loss of my beloved Saphira and reflect on my next steps. I'm thrilled to share that I'm co-authoring a new book endorsed by Tony Robbins, coming out this fall! Watch my latest video for all the details and stay connected. Your support means everything to me!
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 243]
#thehealingyoumethod #NewBeginnings #BookAnnouncement #TonyRobbins #HeartHealing #StayConnected #Inspiration #LifeUpdates #GriefAndGrowth #Empowerment #ShareYourStory
🌟 Embark on a transformative journey with me as we explore a client’s experience using the Mind Body Method with a horse. 💫 Witness the journey from fear to empowerment as she uncovers her true self and reclaims her power. Join us on this healing journey of self-discovery. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 242] #thehealingyoumethod #mindbodymethod #SelfDiscovery #empowerment t #horsetherapy #transformationjourney #TrustandAuthenticity 🐴✨
🌟 Join me on a journey of self-discovery this week! 🌟 Explore delicate spaces with individuals navigating through foggy minds and deep pain. Discover the power of intentional attention and companionship in nurturing our authentic selves. Let’s peel back the layers together and welcome home what lies beneath with warmth and grace. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 241] #thehealingyoumethod #SelfDiscovery #emotionalwellness #mindfulnessmatters #companionship #empowerment #selfcompassion #HealingJourney #authenticself #selfreflection #traumahealing #innerstrength #personalgrowth #resonance #TransformationJourney #selfempowerment
Embark on a journey of transformation with me! 🌟 Join me as I share a pivotal moment from my life that forever changed my path. Through challenges and newfound confidence, discover the power of embracing your vision and purpose. Stay tuned for inspiration and reflection! ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 240] #thehealingyoumethod #TransformationTuesday #empowerment #personalgrowth #lifetransformation #inspiration #SelfDiscovery #journeyofself #mindfulness #selfreflection #empoweryoursel f #positivechange #innerstrength #courage #purposedriven #selfawareness #mindfulliving #motivationalvideos
🌟 Embark on a journey of self-discovery and heartfelt connections! 🌟 Join Gloria as she delves into the transformative power of awakening consciousness, navigating newfound terrains, and fostering meaningful connections within ourselves and with others. Discover how slowing down, practicing self-compassion, and embracing kindness can reshape our experiences and lead us to profound insights. Get ready to embark on a path of personal growth and positive change! 🌱 ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com … [The Healing You Method - Episode 239] #thehealingyoumethod #selfdiscovery #heartconnections #TransformationJourney
Join me in exploring how stress impacts us and the transformative potential of staying present. Learn practical strategies for cultivating resilience and responding with grace in challenging moments. Watch now to embark on a journey towards authenticity and inner peace! ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 238] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #presence #resilience #mindfulnesscoach
Join me as I explore the path to heart connections – both within ourselves and with others. 🤝💕 Reflecting on the importance of self-compassion, transparent communication, and the practice of gratitude, we uncover the key to fostering genuine and authentic relationships. ✨ Let’s embark on this journey together and celebrate the power of meaningful connections! 💫🎥 ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 237] #TheHealingYouMethod #healingyouwithgloria #HeartConnections #HealingJourney #AuthenticLiving #GratitudePractice #SelfCompassion #AwakeningWithin
Join me in today’s message dedicated to compassionate souls supporting others. In our exploration, discover the transformative power of revisiting past shadows, allowing for profound healing and self-compassion. I share a personal encounter triggered by an email, leading to the revelation of childhood imprints that shaped my perception. Learn the art of offering comfort to your inner child, transcending past wounds with present wisdom. This reel illuminates the incredible power of love to heal and transform. Tune in for a transformative experience! ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free introduction call with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 236] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #empoweredbylove #gratitudejourney
Embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and empowerment with me! 🌟 In this video, I delve into the profound experience of awakening and embracing your true self. We often find ourselves on autopilot, influenced by societal expectations and conditioned beliefs. I share personal insights on breaking free from doubt, shame, and self-criticism, offering a path to discover your authenticity. Learn to honor your emotions, connect with your inner being, and navigate life with compassion and understanding. 🌈✨ Join me in this transformative exploration—it’s time to unlock the limitless potential within you! ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 235] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #selfdiscovery #empowerment #awakeningjourney
Ever felt the exhilaration of awakening, only to grapple with the challenge of articulating your newfound self? Join me in today's video as we unravel the exciting yet intricate landscape of post-awakening relationships. 💖
Let's explore the joy and pain entwined in this transformative journey, discovering the boundless potential within your spirit. 🌟 From authentic self-expression to the art of receiving kindness, this video delves into the heart of navigating connections with gratitude and mindfulness.
Ready to embark on this journey? 🎥✨ Click play, and let's explore the transformative power of heart connections together! 💬👇
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 234]
Ever been haunted by the shadows of fear? In our latest video, we explore the profound art of navigating the unknown, transforming fear into empowerment. Join me on this introspective journey, where I unravel the secrets to unlocking your highest self amidst the uncertainties of life.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 233]
Ever felt "too sensitive" in a world urging you to chill out? Join me on a journey of empowerment as we unravel the transformative potential within heightened sensitivity. Discover the art of living with an open heart, embracing multi-sensory experiences, and fostering meaningful connections. 🌈✨ Ready to thrive in the heart connections of each moment? Click to watch and elevate your spirit! 🚀
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 232]
Embark on a journey of growth with me in this insightful video, where I share a relatable moment of wanting to hit pause. Discover the motivator driving me to master new skills for connecting with people like you. This mirrors the broader Healing You Journey, emphasizing the stretching nature of growth and the importance of pacing ourselves. Join the conversation about embracing challenges, finding your rhythm, and the transformative power of community. Hit play now to watch the full video! 🌟📽️
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 231]
Travel back in time with me to a heartwarming holiday shopping adventure from years ago. 🕰️✨ Join me on a journey filled with compassion, connection, and valuable life lessons. Watch the reel to relive this heartwarming memory! 💖
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 230]
Join me in a heartfelt journey as I share the incredible impact of NonViolent Communication (NVC) and Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) on my parenting, especially with a child diagnosed with Aspergers. Watch how empathy, connection, and understanding can transform not only our lives but also the lives of those with "special needs.”
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 229]
Join me on a journey where I've learned that lasting relationships and self-empowerment are possible. I've faced uncertainty with courage, sought help without shame, and made choices authentically. My voice matters, and it influences those around me, especially my loved ones.
To be fully, authentically yourself, cultivate awareness of your body sensations and articulate your emotions and needs. Connect with others who provide a safe space for open communication and empathy.
Take these steps and watch your journey of transformation unfold. 🌱
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 228]
Explore the profound impact of human connections on our lives and how early experiences shaped our sense of self. Uncover the coping mechanisms we developed and the journey from emotional isolation to authentic relationships. Join me on a path of healing and rediscovery, where you learn to prioritize your well-being and embrace your truth. Don't miss this reel – it's a roadmap to lasting connections and self-empowerment. 💖
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 227]
🌟 Ready for a transformative journey? Join me on a path of healing, authenticity, and rediscovery. Watch my story and find the courage to embrace your own. 💖 🌟 Dive into the depths of personal transformation. In a world where masks can be suffocating and pain unnamed, my journey from despair to rediscovery unfolds. Join me as we explore the power of vulnerability, compassion, and healing. 💖 Don't miss this heartfelt reel – it's an invitation to start your own healing journey. 💫
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free introduction with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 226]
Why do some sail through decisions while others wrestle with fear and doubt? It often stems from developmental trauma, shaping our very core. In this space, we’ll explore the fear that immobilizes us, the anxiety of judgment, and the healing power of compassion. Let’s move beyond right and wrong, embracing a path that leads from the heart. You’re not alone on this journey. Support and solace await those who seek a different path. 💗🌱 ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 225] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #selfdiscovery #CompassionInAction #healingjourney
Welcome to a transformative exploration of the unconscious patterns that shape our lives. In this reel, we embark on a quest to understand how we can regain control, break free from the auto-pilot mode, and savor every moment with intention. Join me as we uncover the keys to self-awareness, transparency, and the power of choice. Let’s dive deep into the adventure of self-discovery and healing. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 224] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #AwakenYourAwareness #breakfreefromautopilot #patternsunveiled #embracingchoice
🌟 Embark on a journey with me through the vibrant tapestry of life! 🌏✨ Join me as we explore the beauty, wonder, and everyday magic that surrounds us. From breathtaking landscapes to heartwarming moments, I’m here to share the extraordinary in the ordinary. Let’s dive into a world of inspiration and adventure together! 📸🌠 #LifeUnfiltered #AdventureAwaits ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 222] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #breakingpatterns #embracingchange #repeatingpatterns #getstuck #Extraordinary
Welcome to a profound exploration of the emotions that shape our journey. Today, we delve into the intricate tapestry of fear and the transformative power it holds. Join me as we navigate the labyrinth of emotions, from the alarms of genuine danger to the isolating fear of insignificance. Together, we’ll uncover the path to healing, connection, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 223] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #feartofreedom #EmotionalJourney #labyrinthofemotions #pathtohealing #tranformativepower
Are you ready to transform your life and unlock your true potential? Then you don’t want to miss this powerful episode of The Healing You Method podcast featuring transformational facilitator Gloria Lybecker in her interview with Andy Anderson, co-owner of AVAYA University. https://bit.ly/3P02wpD
Gloria shares her unique approach to helping people overcome PTSD, toxic shame, and limiting beliefs through equine-guided resonance coaching and constellation work. Tune in to learn evidence-based strategies for cultivating self-compassion and navigating challenges on your healing journey. You’ll also discover how Gloria’s 6-week course can support you in creating lasting change. Click play now to start empowering yourself for positive conscious change. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
… [The Healing You Method - Episode 221] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #healingjourney #selfcare #traumahealing #ptsdrecovery #equinetherapy #constellationwork #SelfCompassion
Join me on a journey where a frosty morning, a wounded lead mare, and the power of compassion intertwine. Witness the resilience that blooms in the wake of trauma and isolation. 🌸✨ ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 220] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #healingjourney #FromPainToRenewal #transformwithcompassion #renewalaftertrauma #healingjourney #compassioninaction #renewal #ReDiscovery #strengthinvulnerability
💔 Ever felt the weight of neglect shaping your connections? Dive into the profound journey of healing and rediscovery. Join me as we navigate attachment styles, resilience, and the path back to our authentic selves. Let’s heal together. 💪 ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 219] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #emotionalhealing #attachmentjourney #pathtoselfdiscovery #healingfromneglect #youarenotalone #ReDiscovery #healingjourney
Ever felt disconnected, like life’s radio went silent? 📻 Discover my journey from shutdown to empowerment. Learn how to dance to your own melody and step into your light. Join me on a path of self-discovery and transformation! ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 218] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #EmbraceYourPower #innerjourney #tuneintoyourself #innerharmony
🌟 Ready to Rewrite Your Story? 🌟 Tired of hearing ’you can’t’? Watch my inspiring journey of breaking free from limiting beliefs and stepping into the light! Embrace authenticity, challenge the B.S., and empower yourself. Join me on this transformative path. 🌈✨ ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 217] #TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria #EmbraceYourJourney #AuthenticityMatters
Do you find it challenging to engage your family in playtime that is both fun and emotionally connecting? In this post, we explore the power of Original Play, a unique approach to play that helps develop emotional intelligence, physical skills, and grace. We’ll take a closer look at a Play After Play experience, where families engage in play with the guidance of trained facilitators. Discover how mirroring and mimicry can help bond family members, and how Original Play can help children on the autism spectrum develop social skills. Join us as we unlock the power of play and explore how Original Play can strengthen family bonds. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 216] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #play #parenting #mimicry #mirroring
Have you ever wondered what "play" really means? Beyond the structured games and sports we know, Original Play offers a unique framework that aims to improve relationships and replace aggression with kindness and love. But what exactly is it, and how can it transform your life? In this post, we’ll explore the power of Original Play and how it helped me discover a whole new way of being with my child. From learning the patterns of children’s play to understanding the neurobiology of secure attachment, you’ll discover how this ancient practice can unlock new possibilities in your relationships and parenting. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 215] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #play #parenting #originalplay
📢 Calling all parents and caregivers of children with special needs! 🤝 Feeling overwhelmed and alone in your journey? 💔 I’m here to provide support and understanding. 💌 Join me for the first installment in my series, where we’ll discuss finding empathy and compassion within yourself during times of depletion. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 214] #thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria #specialneedsparents #caregiversunite #selfcompassion #empathysupport #staypresent
Embark on a transformative journey, exploring the patterns of your inner experience and the incredible influence of your attention. Witness the healing power of connecting with majestic, sensitive horses.
At Healing You Sanctuary, our horses are partners in co-creating a field of healing. Experience the magic of deep listening and the profound connection between facilitator, client, and these magnificent beings.
Step out of your comfort zone and embrace the transformative power within. Click the link below to join this magical adventure!
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 211]
#thehealingyoumethod #magicofhorses #healingjourney #connectwithyourpower #deeplistening #TransformativeExperience
Witness the transformative power of the horse-human bond in action! Join me on a captivating journey as we explore how a bond with a horse can heal the human spirit. Experience the magic of limbic resonance, where horses become sentient partners in our healing process. Prepare to be moved as we delve into the depths of emotion, neuroplasticity, and the creation of new neural pathways. Discover the extraordinary connection that can only be born from new experiences.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 210]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
#trauma #HealingTrauma #limbicrevision #limbicresonance #neuroplasticity #limbicbond
Have you ever wished you could go back in time and soothe your younger self? To offer the comfort and support you didn’t receive when you needed it most? With time-travel empathy, that possibility becomes a reality. It’s a transformative approach to healing trauma that involves slowing down, listening to your body’s felt sense, and receiving warm, resonant accompaniment from others.
In this post, we’ll explore the magic of time-travel empathy and how it can help you lay down new neural pathways of support, transform your relationship with yourself and others, and ultimately find your way back to wholeness. Join us on this journey of healing and connection as we unlock the power of time-travel empathy.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 209]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
#timetravelempathy #warmcommunity #collaboration #Selfconnection #feltsense
Do you ever feel suspicious when someone offers you kindness or compassion? Do you struggle to trust yourself when you try to show yourself warmth and empathy? Many of us have been conditioned to doubt our own feelings and reactions, especially if we didn’t receive adequate emotional support when we were younger.
In this post, we explore the reasons why we may feel suspicious of kindness from others and offer practical tips on how to overcome this distrust. By learning to trust ourselves and the world around us, we can break through the barriers of self-doubt and cultivate a more loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves and others.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 208]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
#innercritic #resonantlanguage #selfesteem #selfcompassion
Life can feel unbearable at times, and it can be challenging to find hope and meaning amidst our struggles. However, there are ways to heal and connect with our inner selves, and horses can play a significant role in this process. In this post, we’ll explore how horses can offer unconditional friendship, teach us about our emotions, and provide honest feedback that helps us grow. Through a client’s recent experience, we’ll see how horses can help us name our struggles and find the courage to heal. Join us on a journey from despair to hope, where warm relationships and trust can transform our lives.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 207]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
#mattering #healing #trauma #shame #relationships #courage
Are you yearning for relationships free from judgment and filled with genuine understanding? Join us on a captivating podcast episode where we dive into the inspiring story behind Healing You Sanctuary. Here, founder, Gloria Lybecker, shares how this equine-guided education and learning program provides a safe haven for individuals to experience relationships in a radically different way. Be inspired by a participant’s profound journey of empowerment and rediscovering their true self. Tune in now and explore the transformative benefits of equine-guided education and learning.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 202]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
Are you interested in learning about the healing power of horses? In this episode, you’ll discover how the physical structure of a horse’s brain allows them to connect easily with humans who struggle with hyper-vigilance and reactivity. You’ll also learn about the enormous electromagnetic energy field created by a horse’s heart, and how being in their presence can help humans balance their stress levels and increase their body’s capacity for healing. Research has even found a possible link between the low-frequency heart rhythms of horses and improved immune response in humans. If you’re curious about the potential for healing through equine-facilitated learning, stay tuned!
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your free consultation with Gloria here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 206]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
Have you ever felt like something was missing in your life? As if you’re not all here, not completely whole? Many of us experience this feeling, and often it’s the result of trauma that has caused a part of our essence to separate from us in order to survive. But it’s possible to reclaim what we once enjoyed and recover our soul - the vital essence of our life. And at Healing You Sanctuary, that’s our passion. In this post, we’ll explore how horses can support us in this journey of reclaiming our birthright to live our lives whole. So let’s dive in and discover the power of equine-led growth and healing.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can book your session with horses here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 205]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
Are you looking for a unique and powerful way to tap into your inner strength and explore your personal power? Look no further than the majestic and intuitive creatures that are horses. In this blog post, we will delve into the world of equine facilitation and how it can help you explore the three archetypes of power: the Militant, the Subservient, and the Warrior. Through active sessions with horses, you’ll discover a new level of self-awareness and learn how to harness your inner strength. So, get your boots on, and let’s explore the world of equine guided healing together!
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 197]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
Are you ready for a journey of self-discovery and healing? Horses have a remarkable ability to take us to a land that is foreign to most people - a journey into ourselves. When we enter into a relationship with horses, we are invited to explore the mind, body, and spirit connection and rediscover who we truly are. In this post, we will delve deeper into the transformative power of horses and how they can guide us towards a path of self-awareness, healing, and mutual connection. So come, join your heart with a horse, and let’s embark on this journey together.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 204]
#thehealingyoumethod #healingyouwithgloria
🌟 Ready to uncover the hidden dynamics within your family and embark on a transformative healing journey? 🌱✨ Join me, Gloria Lybecker from Healing You, as we explore the incredible modality of family constellations in our latest reel. Discover how this therapeutic approach can help you break free from negative patterns, heal emotional wounds, and live a more fulfilling life. Let's unlock the power of healing together.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 203]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
Are you tired of feeling trapped by your own frustration? Do you long for the freedom to break free from the cycle of stress and anxiety? Join me on a journey of education and empathy as I share the story of how my son and I discovered the key to unlocking our own freedom.
From navigating the challenges of the education system to cultivating a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other, my hope is that my talk will inspire you and leave you feeling empowered and ready to tackle any obstacle that comes your way.
..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 201] #TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
In this emotional and powerful episode, Gloria shares a deeply personal experience of holding space for a participant who was triggered during a session. As she tries to debrief with their co-facilitators, she is suddenly struck by a sense of darkness and dread emanating from one of the participants. Despite her discomfort, Gloria compassionately reaches out to the person and tries to connect with them. Through this experience, she learns the importance of empathetic accompaniment and how it can help us navigate through challenging times. If you're looking for support and connection on your healing journey, this episode is a must-watch.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 200]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
This episode features Gloria Lybecker, the host of The Healing You Method, who explores the importance of developing body awareness. Gloria discusses how our bodily systems hold memories, including traumatic events, and how attuning to our bodies can help us reclaim those moments and open new doors of experiencing. By intentionally slowing down and mindfully checking in with our bodies, we can develop our Compassionate Self-Witness and tap into the wisdom stored within our bodily systems. Gloria concludes by emphasizing that developing body awareness is a transformative practice that can enhance our overall well-being and quality of life, whether we are seeking to heal from past trauma or deepen our connection to ourselves and the world around us.
..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 199] #TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
This episode is a powerful and emotional story of a woman who was sexually assaulted when she was 14 and how horses helped her heal. The woman had begun experiencing memories triggered by the sexual assault and was spiraling into shame and wanted to hide. She turned to horses, who had nurtured her when she was younger, and trusted them to help her move forward. The episode takes viewers on a journey with the woman through a six-station Opportunity Course that represents aspects of her life journey. At each station, the woman experiences incredible revelations as the horse accompanies her. This story is inspiring and empowering, showing how healing can be achieved with the help of horses.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 198]
#TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
I found my way to Nonviolent Communication and Interpersonal Neurobiology out of desperation to experience something different, and gratefully have received a TON of empathy support over the years. Being held in a container of warmth, understanding, and acceptance, has allowed the embedded patterns of my conditioning to unravel and new neural pathways of resilience to lie down in my nervous system. As I consistently received resonant empathy support, over time I developed my own resonating self-witness. This inner-witness is not simply a compassionate voice; it is a deeply responsive, warmly curious, and generous voice. These new pathways empower us to live into a new way of being in our relationships, with ourself, and with others. I remember receiving a correspondence from someone who began their communication acknowledging the value they experience for the gifts I bring into the world, and I noticed how my heart felt soft and open in response. The next sentence, however, moved swiftly into an expression of pent up anger and frustration around how this person experienced being in relationship with me, followed by demands around how I should show up in the relationship. I felt stunned, I perceived a sense of patronizing superiority in the the language used. I noticed a sharp pang radiated in my chest, my gut clenched and I felt disconcerted by the incongruences as I read through the communication. In that moment I rocked back and breathed deeply into my belly. I slowed everything down and tuned into my inner experience. Coming forward in my minds eye, my resonating self-witness checked in with me, "Are you sensing a threat to your integrity and personal space?" I noticed my semi-collapsed form shifted ever so slightly as I soaked up the tender gaze, attuned resonance, and enduring care now available to me. "Remember," she acknowledged gently, "I am here with you; I know how much you value authenticity, especially in relationships with those holding positions of perceived power in leadership." My breathing deepened as I turned my attention further inward. "What is the learning here for me right here and now?" I wondered aloud, to my self-witness, "What pattern is emerging to empower me to be me anyway?" A little information here; neuroscience reveals how old patterns or neuro-nets, dissipate when they are no longer driving behaviors for survival. As we experience the felt sense of being safe and of mattering, we begin to live in our "social engagement system" the ventral channel of the vagus nerve. When the energy is flowing through the ventral channel, we are empowered to notice that other people, as well as our self, exist in the moment. We develop and enhance dual sensory awareness. Not only do we tune into our inner experience, we can see other people’s faces, take in their subtle cues, and perceive the impact our interactions have had on them relationally. This means that we notice when the heart-connection has been negatively impacted, and we reach out to restore it. This is called repair. Now back to my experience. As I paused, I focused on tapping into my heart space, witnessing the energy running and flowing through my vagus nerve connecting me with Source Energy. As I took this time to listen deeply to my body’s needs, I received the learning available to me in the moment. Rather than falling into an old default pattern of taking it personally, giving up, getting distracted, or making anyone "wrong" (including myself) by choosing self-connection it was possible to stay engaged and recognize my own reactive conditioning, no matter how subtle it may be. I experienced I can be vulnerable and honest with myself about my default network; and I can take the time I need for self-repair using self-compassion and gaining self-understanding. From this space within, my inner experience begins to make sense and I am empowered with all the grace and freedom I need to be me. I am willing to take responsibility for my
What is at the root of ruptures in relationships? Is it possible to stay engaged? Have you ever experienced meeting another person and everything felt like it clicked? You finish each other’s sentences and rift off the meaning underlying whatever concept you are exploring? Ahhh... the enjoyment of budding new relationships filled with infinite possibilities! It’s likened to a "honeymoon" experience in relationships with powerful attractor fields at play. What was it like when the "honeymoon" was over? When things didn’t unfold as you had predicted or hoped for? When the first unexpected wrinkle in the smooth interactions was noticed - what was your felt experience in that moment? Perhaps your body paused in contraction, your brow furrowed, and you noticed you were unable to speak. Did you hold your breath? Maybe your spine straightened, and you leaned forward aggressively, as a compulsion to take action was sparked within you "to communicate, take control, or set things right!" Or could it be you experienced checking out, a hazy fog in your mind, a felt sense of disappearing in the relationship. Was the exchange experienced as abrupt, or harsh, and directed at you in the moment? Did you lose your focus and become distracted with other things to occupy your attention? What might it be like to notice (whatever your first reaction may have been) and then choose to do something differently instead? What if you paused, for just a moment, with the intention to witness the experience? Is it possible to stay curious about your own inner experience? To slow down time and notice how you receive communication? Rather than making it "right or wrong" simply witness your experience of receiving this unique flavor of energy which has alerted your nervous system. What do you notice about your reaction to this particular frequency? Do you receive it through your body sensations, or do you receive it from outside or inside your mind? Could it be you receive information from energy through images that come suddenly, or is it that a message emerges as an "inner knowing" and you trust it is true? With gentle curiosity (and suspended judgement) can you notice a unique pattern emerge? Which frequency of energy in motion (emotion) has knocked you off balance consistently? What are your automatic reactions? My personal pattern was to disappear, especially in the face of energy I perceived as condescending and dominantly harsh. I would experience myself as "wrong" and "shamed" and if I couldn’t actually disappear, I would have no words to stay engaged or name my truth. My way of reacting became learned helplessness and hopeless with a high sensitivity to my environment. I perfected my way of surviving victimhood (who I perceived I was from experience) rather than thriving (being who I am born to be). Once we begin to break unspoken cultural rules about what can be referenced and mentioned, we will need empathy support for shame and our sense of exclusion. To matter and feel acceptance in relationship with peers is a very important sign of satisfaction in interpersonal relationships. If you’d like to learn more about that, reach out to me at GloriaLybecker.com and let’s begin a conversation and see how I can support you today. Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/ … [The Healing You Method - Episode 195] #TheHealingYouMethod #HealingYouWithGloria
I have a special treat for our viewers today, I’ve met someone whom I think is pretty special, Jos Willard. Jos is a remarkable business coach who combines world-class coaching with proven business-building strategies to help people create the practice of their dreams. He uses the methods that work for them and their ideal clients! Join me as I invite Jos to answer a few questions, including; What inspires you to do what you do, and to keep doing what you are doing? What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing and how are you tackling it? What’s your favorite childhood memory? Jos also hosts a Podcast — Profit For Coaches, which is a show for coaches or coaches-to-be who work hard to make a positive difference for their clients. www.profitforcoaches.com/podcast The best way to reach Jos directly is to email him at jos@ProfitForCoaches.com or message him on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/joswillard Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://glorialybecker.mykajabi.com/intro … [The Healing You Method - Episode 187] #TheHealingYouMethod
I have a special treat for our viewers today, I’ve met someone whom I think is pretty special, Jos Willard. Jos is a remarkable business coach who combines world-class coaching with proven business-building strategies to help people create the practice of their dreams. He uses the methods that work for them and their ideal clients! Join me as I invite Jos to answer a few questions, including; What inspires you to do what you do, and to keep doing what you are doing? What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing and how are you tackling it? What’s your favorite childhood memory? Jos also hosts a Podcast — Profit For Coaches, which is a show for coaches or coaches-to-be who work hard to make a positive difference for their clients. www.profitforcoaches.com/podcast The best way to reach Jos directly is to email him at jos@ProfitForCoaches.com or message him on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/joswillard Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro … [The Healing You Method - Episode 187] #TheHealingYouMethod
How do we lose our vital essence? And how can we reclaim vitality? Many of us today don’t feel completely whole, as if we are not all here. When we begin to become aware of this, we can open to the possibility of reclaiming the intimacy we once enjoyed. With support, we can recover our soul, the vital essence of life. I share with you today, a clients’ story, about welcoming back lost parts of herself who were willing to begin the journey home to wholeness. "What is trauma? Well for me it was total annihilation of my personal existence and I lost all feeling of any sensations. I didn’t consciously know this because my body and mind were blank; trauma completely numbed my capacity to sense any emotional or physical pain. Even my brain went numb so that I didn’t miss having fun, laughing, or really living. Trauma is timeless so when I got triggered, my body reacted as if the trauma was happening NOW, in the present moment. Whether the actual experience happened a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago was not remembered. Because when these inner parts are triggered, my ability to perceive is filtered through the lens of the ever present past. I remember the first time I began to feel sensations again very vividly. I was lying in my hallway while on a conference call in one of Gloria’s classes. Something had triggered me and Gloria invited me to slow time down and asked if I was willing for my inner experience to be met with warmth right where I was in the moment. What stands out to me now is how my body felt during this call; because something shifted in me and I began to feel again, my whole body awakened and I could feel pain. I remember even my toes hurt. I recall lying in the hallway, curled up in a fetal position with tears streaming out of my eyes, and trying not to make those crying sounds - because I didn’t want anyone to hear me cry - I was telling myself if someone heard me crying I would die. In that moment past, present, and future blurred together and I have no memory whether I actually hid or if everyone on the call heard me. I don’t even remember specifically what was coming up for me. Yet, I can still see myself very clearly, lying in that hallway in the fetal position, with the phone up to my ear and tears streaming out of my eyes. I did not die, I could feel my body and allow the warmth of a compassionate presence to wash over me and feel felt. It is an experience that is forever cemented into my memory, receiving the gift of being welcomed just as I was, to begin my journey home." What causes the seeming loss of our vital essence? For many it may be the result of trauma; a part of our vital essence separates from us in order to survive the experience and escape the full impact of pain. We forget who we truly are and what was once true is replaced by the projections placed upon us by others; family, authority figures, and peers. It is possible to receive the help we need to remember who we truly are and why we were born into this world. It is our birthright to live our lives whole and help others to do the same. Addressing our past hurts and trauma can be a daunting prospect. If this is true for you, you certainly make sense just as you are, and I welcome you with the energies of tenderness and care to reach out to me today at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro … [The Healing You Method - Episode 190] #TheHealingYouMethod
Who are your voices? And what are they saying to you? We all have these internalized voices. Do you recognize what they represent to you in your life? Horses can support us to acknowledge what is in the moment. One day as one of my clients stood with her back to the corral, her eyes were closed and her arms hung at her side, I guided her through a body-centered process; her horse stood at the gate, his mouth licked and chewed as she tapped into her body’s wisdom. She first noticed fear in her belly, apprehension in her heart space, (her horse lifted a front foot and set it with a bang on the metal gate), she named fear in her belly once more, as tears sprang to her eyes and she crumpled forward, “I wasn’t going to cry, I never let anyone see my fear.” “You never let anyone see your fear… and you weren’t going to cry.” I paused a moment, “I’m guessing a little part of you might be needing acknowledgment what it’s like to be you in this moment,” I gently made an empathy guess, “needing to know that it’s safe to be vulnerable in this space? Needing trust and companionship right where you are?” “It wasn’t ever okay to cry when I was a kid, my dad would say, ‘stop crying’, and I couldn’t get angry either, I had to go to my room to be angry or cry - nobody could see me.” “Nobody could see you, really needing gentle support and loving-kindness perhaps, to be seen and heard for what it was like to be little you?” I guessed. “Everyone turns to me for help - who am I?” she cried, “Why do they always turn to me? I need as much help as everyone else!” “Would you like it if everyone had as much support as they needed, whenever they needed it, including little you?” I asked softly. Nodding her head, she opened her arms out from her sides, eyes still closed, then her arms moved down to her sides and hugged around her torso, with knees bent she gently swayed her body. “Allow your body to move however feels true to you.” I coached. “I feel waves rushing through me.” her hands demonstrated moving up from her pelvic floor out the top of her head. “Feeling waves of energy rushing through you, moving upwards like a fountain?” I asked, making a metaphorical guess. “Yeah,” slowly she straightened her posture, her face softened and she opened her eyes, and smiled through her tears. “Turn and face your horse, with your eyes open, what do you notice in your body now?” Once more I coached her through the body-centered process to receive the wisdom of her body. “My belly is calm and cool.” She replied with surprise in her voice. “If your belly is giving you a message, what might that be? Notice the first thing that pops up.” I coached. “Soothing.” She said with a smile. “I’m hearing your body is telling you, you need soothing.” Twice more I guided her through the process while she gazed upon her horse; she noticed where in her body her mind first went, named any sensations, and named the emotions within the sensations to receive the messages from her body. Still standing outside the corral, I invited her to bring her awareness into her heart, and extend that energy out to her horse. “From this place of heart connection with your horse… if you could experience your heart’s desire with your horse, what would that be?” “To feel safe.” She replied. “To feel safe,” I reflected back, “and what would that give you?” “Trust.” “And what would that look like?” “I could step in there with a horse larger than life and trust that I am safe!” “And what Authentic-Self Voice could you engage with to support your stepping into that trust and safety?” Slowing down the process she tried several “voices” checking in with her body each time to sense whether they felt “true”. “I trust myself.” That one felt too far away from where she was in the moment, so dialing it in a little closer she tried a slightly different version, “I am stepping into trust.” As if on cue, the horse stepped forward, stretched its neck over the fence an
What are two challenges you face moving forward? I have always wanted to learn how to drive a horse; my heart’s desire came true with Diva, at a Mindful Horsemanship Program several years ago. I remember stepping into the arena to stand behind Diva, I gathered the long reins in my hands, and prepared to move out. “What is your intention?” My coach asked. “I’ll move out to the right and pause by the big barrel, then make a big circle moving from right to left coming back down through the center of the arena.” “Want to step it up a notch?” she asked with a grin as she stood the big barrel up and moved small barrels to stand parallel in the center of the arena. “Sure!” “What are two challenges you face as you move forward with your vision?” “Hmm…” I thought for a moment, “being available for my 15-year-old son, whom I home-school, and feeling confident as I step out locally to be seen and known in my community as a valuable resource.” “Okay, which station represents your son and which represents confidence stepping out?” “The big barrel represents my son and the two smaller barrels in the center represent confidence stepping out.” I paused, mindfully took a belly breath, and straightened my posture. “Up!” I cued Diva with my voice, clicked my mouth and jiggled the reins. Slowly she shifted her weight and moved out to the right. Just like learning to drive a car, I over-corrected, now she moved to the left, back and forth I consistently over-corrected. “E-gads!” I clamored inside as a fog began to cloud my mind and tension crept into my shoulders. Slowing myself down inside I took a few deep belly breaths, and consciously lowered my shoulders. I noticed my body position in relationship to Diva and brought my body back into alignment behind her and centered in the power of my 3rd chakra. Again, I called out “Up, Diva!” What a difference! As we moved out I felt a distinct shift in my energy and in relationship with Diva, we felt connected energetically. “W-h-o-a…” we paused by the big barrel and I mindfully connected to the one who is my son, I recognized the importance of acknowledgment. How much it means to take the time to pause and check-in with the ones I love and BE in relationship with them, especially when I am shifting and changing my schedule in life. That pause had a time-less quality to it, stretching out energetically to capture the freedom of space and time, no pressure, no hurry, resting in my heart, centered in my values. Acknowledgement of how much I love my boy AND acknowledgment of how much I love partnering with Horse! I felt ready to step out as a valuable resource in the world as I jiggled the reins, “Up, Diva!”(I heard more energy in my own voice and Diva responded with a softer feel!) Half-way around the circle our synchronized movement was fueled and empowered with a rejuvenating confidence. My steps felt stronger and the sensation flowed up my legs and back, down my arms, into my belly, up my chest, and out my eyes. Wow - everything looked brighter, fresher, and more colorful as we stepped through the second station of barrels. We had found our flow together! Inspired by confidence we didn’t slow down, we looped out and circled back and stopped in the center claiming “Confidence.” My skin tingled from head to toe. That experience is imprinted into my being-ness, and continues to unfold in miraculous ways. When I returned home to my son, I noticed more opportunities to slow down and check-in with him, and to rest in the space that represented our relationship with confidence. Thank you, Diva. Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here: https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro … [The Healing You Method - Episode 188] #TheHealingYouMethod
Did you know that Horses can read your thoughts and emotions? They have an innate ability to give honest feedback and naturally use their bodies to "know" the world. As sensitive, sentient beings, they are in a unique position in the animal kingdom to teach us in ways never before possible - accelerating learning exponentially in ways we can apply to our lives immediately that creates lasting change. I remember working with a group of youth one day, during an activity each participant wrote down on a tag something they treasured and wanted to protect about themselves. Then they each shared what they treasured with the group, and tied their tag onto the chosen horse’s mane. One girl, we’ll call her Anna, shared, "I’d like to protect who I am, meaning everything about myself, cause I’m accepting who I am!" Next, as a group they built a boundary they thought fitting for that horse and attempted to keep the horse, which now represented what each one individually treasured about his/her self, safe in the boundary. As the horse repeatedly stepped out of the boundary, the group’s ability to communicate verbally decreased. In the silence a boy, John, looked around, he saw several ropes at the edge of the round pen and walked over to begin tying them together. Anna acknowledged, "I have no idea what to do, I’m just going to follow him." The other youth followed suit and only using body language John got each one to hold the rope a few feet around the horse, forming a circle to keep it safe. We took a little break while we discussed the next activity, which was to name what could tempt each of them to give up the power to protect their individual boundaries. "Peer pressure!" Anna exclaimed. Looking at the course set up in the corral, I asked her, "Which obstacle best represents peer pressure to you?" "The logs in a row," she said solemnly, "they could trip you up." Working as a group they created boundaries at each obstacle to protect the horse from the temptations (buckets with a little grain in them). When they were finished I acknowledged, "Sometimes we need time to think ahead and build strong boundaries against temptations." Feeling ready, they led the horse all together through the course, making boundaries as needed to protect what they treasured about themselves from temptations. As they drew near to the logs and the temptation marked "peer pressure" the horse rushed past them, stuck her nose into the bucket of grain, and got a tasty bite! Surprised and struggling to protect who she represented (themselves) from further temptation, the group found themselves with everyone on the same side of the horse! Finally one boy hollered out, "Go!" and like a catalyst they gained momentum once more and moved through the rest of the course. In the debriefing circle I asked the group, "What happened?" "Peer pressure got the best of us!" John said with wide eyes. "We were communicating with body language, using words might have helped." Another boy responded, "It was kind of tricky, tricky and hard." "Society, rules and peer pressure can trip you up," Anna observed, "you need good relationship skills to keep your boundaries safe." Horses are large and powerful animals. Accomplishing a task involving a horse, in spite of fears or perceived limitations, creates self-confidence and provides metaphors for dealing with challenging situations in real life. Horses mirror exactly what our body, emotions, thoughts and energy is communicating to them, and their honesty makes them especially effective messengers. In addition, their natural responsiveness to clear intention can empower us to discover and accomplish our goals. What question are you sitting with in your life that you could bring to the work with the horses? I invite you to begin your exploration today. Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the reso
When people experience trauma, their symptoms may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions. Today I want to share with you how one of my clients experienced stepping into the constellation field with a horse.
Terrified of not mattering, being abandoned, and cast aside in her relationships, she came to Healing You Sanctuary to begin to heal her traumatic history. We went outside to the round pen and I asked her to build a magic room, a place she could go and feel safe. There were a variety of materials available in the round pen, and I had turned out Saphira, my mare, to provide female companionship. Let me share her experience in her words.
"Being asked to build a place to feel safe felt confusing. I put a chair and a stick and string in the round pen. I thought, "I really don’t need anything to feel safe with Saphira." So I just stood, looking at all the other things and decided I needed some support in knowing what was expected. I told myself "I won’t be given any expectations as to what to choose, because there are no expectations being placed upon me." I struggled with my inner thoughts and then grabbed three noodles and one hula hoop to make two safe zones; one being the hula hoop and the other being a triangle made from the noodles. Then I went back and got all of the noodles and hula hoops and made a passage that represented the way out. I placed the hula hoops opposite of the passage way interconnected by the noodles. Each of the circles represented a different safe place that I could retreat to if fear arose, and each of these safe places were inter-connected.
I asked Saphira if I could connect with her, but inside I was afraid she would just walk away and leave me, and she did walk away! I was so fearful that she would run away and she actually mirrored my inner world, she lifted her head and began running around the round pen, whinnying loudly, stopping and looking around her and then running and whinnying again. It was really big energy. I could see the other horse had walked into the barn so she could no longer see him, and wondered why he was not responding to her whinny. Then I saw myself in her actions, how she was responding in fear, because she could not see the other horse, is exactly how I have acted or reacted in my relationships. As I named this truth, she slowed down, and then went back to grazing in peace.
Debriefing afterwards, as I was talking about needing safety, Saphira stepped into my hula hoop representing safety. And when I spoke about needing safety in the world, she walked through my path, the passage representing the way out. And, when I named my truth about my fear of my friend leaving, Saphria walked over and nosed me. She "knows" when I speak my truth.
I notice now the story of abandonment has lightened, and I am able to speak my truth without being made wrong or shamed. I am seen, and greeted, and resonated with right where I am at.
What I am taking away from this experience is that I have a new awareness; I can notice projections and choose to let them go and not take them in. I can even notice when I project onto others, and, when this happens, I can name my inner experience so I can be free, living in congruence with my truth.”
That was a powerful session.
Constellation work offers a particular way of looking at questions and the blocks we have in our lives. It is a spatial exploration of a relational question, using different positions, representatives, objects, people or horses to look at how things are connected with one another and where systems might be frozen by entanglements or traumas.
I always marvel how incredible it is that horses support us to remember who we are on our journey home. They can take us to a land that is foreign to most people, a journey into ourselves; an exploration of our mind, body, and spirit connection. Many people may never make this journey
I worked with a young man one time, and it was tough. I remember hearing him cry out in despair, "I just want to kill myself!"
When you hear those words, spoken in pain by someone you care for, how do you feel inside? Does your stomach clench and spasm? Or does a semi-paralysis claim your whole body and your breathing nearly stop? How do you hold space with love and support for someone when they are experiencing a primal response from the ever-present-past of trauma?
We may not be aware of a past trauma holding us back in the moment when we are triggered, yet in attempting to protect us, our hypothalamus and triple warmer can lock us into outdated defensive strategies that rigidify our habit field.
It is not possible for a person to think clearly when the blood has left the forebrain and moved into the limbs for fight or flight. Even though many people know the kinds of changes they want to make, they find themselves unable to make change happen.
Trapped in habits from the past, they may put tremendous effort into willing themselves to change patterns that are emotionally locked into their body. This can increase their experiences of inner discouragement, cynicism, and self-loathing.
Self-talk is not enough to change a primal response; however, there are energy techniques that can open your habit field for reprogramming. When your energies are freed for healing and creativity, your mind will follow.
Three approaches for reprogramming the habit field are:
(1) Defusing traumatic residue that is already in your habit field;
(2) Programming higher frequencies into your habit field; and
(3) Evoking your habit field to embrace a new physiological or psychological pattern.
Each time that you are able to keep the blood from leaving your brain as you process stress and/or trauma, you are showing your brain a new strategy, and your habit pattern begins to transform. As your body learns to tolerate increasing amounts of stress before invoking the fight-or-flight response, your sense of health and well-being will also increase.
After I worked with a child to reprogram his stress response, I asked, "What is the most important thing you can remember to tell yourself when you notice stress coming up?"
"I love myself," he responded with warmth, "and I am going to take good care of myself and my energy forever."
When we make time in our lives to drop out of our busy world and regularly receive support to focus our compassionate awareness on our body (rather than distancing ourselves and treating our body as our enemy) we can learn to begin to cherish our body.
When we tune in to our body’s subtle cues with curiosity and care, we can understand the energies of our body and attend to its needs. And as we learn how to turn on our body’s energies, we can begin to unravel deeply embedded patterns of stress and trauma, forming resilient patterns of well-being.
To receive accompaniment on your journey, reach out to me at HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 178]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#TheHealingYouMethod
I’m excited to introduce you to the work of Intuitive, Linda Lang, listen in as we engage in a fascinating and deep conversation together.
Linda is an emotional alchemist, water whisperer and gifted healer with over 35 years’ experience. Her transformational work merges energy medicine, intuition and thought change, releasing limiting thoughts, unresolved emotion and blocked energy to bring alignment, awaken and hone innate gifts and encourages you step into new possibilities.
You can find Linda via the links below:
Website: https://ThoughtChange.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thoughtchange123 Twitter: https://twitter.com/ThoughtChange1 YouTube ThoughtChange: https://bit.ly/3kLyGVa
ThoughtChange on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/linda.lang.thoughtchange
Linda’s podcast is called Exploring the Mystical Side of Life;
on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/exploringthemysticalsideoflife/
on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Exploring-The-Mystical-Side-Of-Life-2034156740204239
on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoJHSZKPpx3m8ulkjtLNpTQ
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 183]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I’m pleased to share with you my interview by Ande Anderson of AVAIYA University focusing on healing from PTSD. As a featured speaker, my talk was Holding the Human Element of Aloneness: Gentle Strategies for Deep Transformation. I cover topics like why PTSD makes people feel all alone, what alarmed aloneness is, how it’s connected to PTSD, how horses can be powerful partners to help us release the unconscious contracts we might have made to protect ourselves, and how we can release ourselves from those harmful agreements and live freely.
You can learn more about AVAIYA University here: www.avaiya.com/
Click here to register for Gloria’s free gift: https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
To sign up for Gloria’s 6-module course click here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/products/the-journey-begins
To learn more about constellations with horses click here: www.healingyousanctuary.com/constellations
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 184]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever noticed something when you were all alone and it both shocked and horrified you? I have. Let me tell you a story…
"NO!!!" I felt a flash of heat as I screamed in silent horror.
Rushing upstairs to look in the bathroom mirror my worst fear was realized. I saw the beginning of a stress sore on the corner of my mouth. Without conscious awareness my inner alarm triggered panic to flood throughout my nervous system. With ghastly images becoming more hideous by the second, I frantically searched through the cupboards, looking for my prescription to head off this atrocity.
As the panic attack triggered an asthma attack, and my breathing became very shallow, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Wide frightened eyes, raised eye-brows, and frozen facial features. Slowing down, I held my own gaze, and watched as it slowly transformed into one of recognition and then the warmth of gentle kindness.
Silently, I acknowledged what it was like to be me in that so stretching moment of time. I remembered the intense pressure I had unknowingly placed upon myself the previous day, to accomplish so many details on so many levels, and I recognized the intense stress reaction this had inadvertently created within my being.
As I felt deep sadness I acknowledged how much that was not in congruence with my sacred values. Consciously I dropped back and mindfully began to breathe into the micro-sensations of my body. "Notice breath. Soften belly. Open heart." My shoulders dropped as they released the neurochemicals of pent up stress, and my lungs cooled their fevered inflammation - ever so slightly - allowing some much needed oxygen back into my depleted cells.
As calming energy soothed this horror story, without making it wrong, I felt my heart open and I was able to receive inspiration from within to attend to self-care with essential oils.
Reflecting back on my experience what stands out to me is, when I find myself under extreme stress, or panic, returning to my own center for a moment is an excellent strategy. Utilizing the healing power of meditation, as used in ancient spiritual and healing disciplines, enhances one’s ability to; meet stress, increase concentration, and reduce vulnerability to anxiety while increasing spontaneity, creativity, peace of mind, and happiness. When one consciously evokes emotions such as love, appreciation, caring, and compassion, the heart produces a coherent rhythm that gets the brain to resonate with it.
Where you place your attention, your energy follows.
However you might be working with intense emotions at this time, I hope you’ll take a step towards more self compassion by joining me in my online course; The Healing You Method Intro. You can learn more about joining at HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 182]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I’d like to share a story with you about an adolescent and a horse. It was about seven years ago at my sons doctor appointment.
“Do you work with the horses too?” the doctor asked.
“I had my own horse once, when I was 10. I got up early to go out and ride him all by myself. I was so excited! But when I got to the pasture, he was down, and didn’t move. He was already gone. Lucky wasn’t very lucky.” Rylan solemnly replied.
“That must have been very hard for you,” His doctor responded with care, “did you ever ride again?”
“Oh yeah, I rode Saphira, but it wasn’t the same.”
Hearing their conversation I felt stunned in the moment, and a tingling buzzed momentarily in my head. That was the first time I had heard of my son’s experience with his horse. He had never told me that he’d gone out earlier than I had, that fall morning 12 years ago, and I had believed all that time that I was the one to have discovered Lucky had passed away.
“You really had a special bond with Lucky, Rylan,” I acknowledged gently, “he was so fortunate you rescued him when you did. I wonder if you might need to find the right horse again, when you are ready.”
“Maybe.” He responded slowly and thoughtfully.
(Intention, or energetic will, is the process by which we focus our energy by visualizing an end result before we begin. We can see the desired objective as being accomplished before beginning to take action.)
The next day I noticed a flow of synchronicity began to unfold. Rylan initiated applying his essential oils with a smile and willingness I had not observed before. When engaging in his lessons he shifted from slight resistance into warmth and humor. I felt my shoulders relax and soften and acknowledged how much I enjoyed the ease between us.
Later that afternoon, I heard Rylan come in the back door and found him in the kitchen, washing his hands. “Hey, what’s up?” I asked.
“Well,” he began, as he turned to dry his hands, a pleased smile spread across his face; “I folded the towels, put away the dishes, and brought in wood to stoke the fire!”
“Wow!” I exclaimed, “You’ve been busy this afternoon.”
“Yes,” he leaned forward slightly, capturing my full attention, “and then… I fed the chickens, AND the horses, and then the cats.” My eyebrows shot up in surprise as he continued, “I remembered telling dad I was nervous about feeding the horses, and he told me he just uses a stern voice to get them to back up, and, I remembered you saying that horses listen and understand when you talk to them - so – after I fed the chickens, when I opened the horses door, I just started talking to them!”
“You did?” I asked with keen interest, “What was that like?”
“Well, Saphira didn’t pay any attention to me,” he said with a shrug, “but Aragon, he was interested in what I had to say.”
“Really!” I said with surprise, “How did you know he was interested?”
“Well, he looked right at me, nodded his head, and listened to what I said!” He replied with a wide grin.
“He did,” I responded with astonishment, “I’ve seen him nod like that to only one other client before, are you willing to tell me what you said to him?” I asked.
“Sure,” he responded with a warm smile, “I explained to him that I’ve been avoiding him because I used to have a horse of my own, and how I was really excited to ride my own horse all by myself too. It was a huge deal. But, when I went out to ride Lucky early one morning, I found him down. I told Aragon it was really sad and I didn’t want to spend time with horses any more. But now I wanted him to know it’s not his fault, and I won’t avoid him anymore.”
Before he continued he paused just a moment, “He would eat, look at me, and then nod his head, the whole time I was talking to him. Then I told him that I was nervous to put the hay in his feeder while he was standing there, and how dad told me he uses a stern voice to get the horses to back up, and I’d rather not do that. So I asked him if he would be willing to back up,
As I pause and reflect upon the fruit I see growing in my own work, and in the world around me, I feel such profound gratitude for the clarity Marshall Rosenberg had when he gifted so many with the process of Nonviolent Communication.
17 years ago my life felt like it was turned upside down and inside out. I blamed myself for my son’s difficulties; I did not have tools developed to maneuver new territory that was totally unpredictable and unstable; and my window of tolerance was raw and quite narrow. I perceived no choice but to reduce my private practice in order to sort out how to move forward and even function. With a heavy sense of desperation, I began to search for information and processes that would help me to parent and nurture my then 5-year old son so he could regain developmental territory and begin to thrive in his environment, not just survive.
A friend mentioned Marshall Rosenberg’s book, A Language of Life, and reading it was a breath of fresh air for my soul. I traveled to Seattle to meet Marshall in 2006, and was profoundly touched by his honest sincerity, when he asked how he could support me in relationship with my son. Marshall listened with his heart and truly gifted me, and so many other parents, by modeling a new way of being in relationship with Life - that radically transformed who I am today.
These last 17 years I have intentionally focused on absorbing the key concepts of Nonviolent Communication, and integrating the model with Interpersonal Neurobiology, and Resonant Language, in order to live this unique blend in relationship with myself and my now 22-year old son. We have both come so far. Now, rather than going into shame spirals when the unexpected happens, I consciously seek to remain curious and respond with empathy, curiosity, and compassion in the moment. And when we flip our lids anyway - we take time to intentionally restore our connection with the power of making a repair.
I am passionate to empower people to have eyes, ears, minds, and hearts, to know and sense how to translate any expression they want to give (or happen to receive) into ones that name the beauty of the needs seeking to be met in the moment. I want to live in a world where the environments of learning are ones that prioritize relationships over strategies. My work is about inspiring and co-creating a world of connected resources for folks who care about others with compassion, especially for those who show up differently than the main stream.
I do the best I can to model how authentically and consistently providing deep wells of empathy to parents, educators, and others providing services, is what will provide all children, of any age, the support and nurturance they need to bring their gifts to our world.
Our children are our future.
Thank you, Marshall, may God bless and keep you.
If you would like to learn more about my work, you can get access to my Video Series by clicking the link below or at HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/intro
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 180]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Math.
I invite you to hear or read this word, "math." If you are willing, pause and observe what is happening in your body. Is there a sensation of opening and softening? Are you acknowledging how fun and easy it is to focus on math? Or does your body contract and withdraw? Does a frown of concern or worry move across your face? Do you need a little understanding about how little you want to interact with any math concepts? Would you rather anything else? Do you love choice, and freedom, and autonomy?
As I say this, I noticed my own body (which had contracted and withdrawn into avoidance) loosened and relaxed as I named the sensations of my own inner experience. This observational practice, when mindfully experienced repeatedly, can take just a matter of moments.
I remember when I attempted to help my son with his math, I automatically moved into the strategies I was taught as a youth. "I’ll be right back!" I told him as I raced down the stairs to eagerly print out a couple of charts. "This ought to help him." I told myself as I headed back up the stairs.
"You’re not listening to me, mom." he said with a frown, pushing aside the charts with irritation. "You are telling me what to do, rather than helping me learn math my own way!"
I felt a tingle of surprise cross my face when I took in his expression. I observed the sensation was quickly followed by the numbness of shame. (Increasing sensitivity to inner sensations and emotions, especially in relationship with others, promotes the capacity to link different areas together in our brain.)
I consciously dropped into my own inner sea of experience for a moment. My gut had tightened, my breathing slowed, and my face tensed, alerting me that my survival system was activated. When I took a couple of slow, long breaths, deep into my diaphragm, the image of an adolescent me struggling to take in new math concepts, and feeling horribly ashamed to ask for help, emerged in my mind’s eye.
The familiar voice of my inner critic hollered at me. "You’re so stupid and dumb, you never do anything right."
I deliberately invoked the warm memory of my oldest sister, who had taken time to be kind to me as a youth. She had gently, and thoughtfully, remained relational and open-hearted to my style of learning. I remembered how this had created the neuroception of safety in my environment and it had become possible for me to understand new concepts. As I reflected on this memory, in less than a micro-second, my whole being softened, and my social engagement system re-engaged.
To enrich the warmth and softness in my face and tummy, I turned and gazed out the window at my horse, Saphira. I focused a moment longer on invoking the sensations I’d felt in my hands when I smoothed her thick winter coat, and sank further into the memory of her softness and warmth. I absorbed the memory of her smell, the sound of her nicker, and the very essence of her presence into my being. In the background of awareness, I linked the memory of shame in my body, while I kept the spotlight of awareness on the visceral gift of her timeless, soothing love. Holding both at the same time, I felt love connect with shame, sinking into the younger layers of myself as they were given what they’d been so hungry for.
When we are reminded of old experiences of frustration, incomprehension, or other times when we have felt physical or emotional pain, the old experience starts to mix with what is present in our awareness.
Any time our body comes alive with sensation we are in a change-able and heal-able state. We can take advantage of this opportunity for memory reconstruction and reconsolidation by bringing positive material (like support, being loved, longings and values, and good memories) alongside the old, negative experience.
This disrupts the embedded pattern of reconsolidation back into implicit (non-conscious) memory. This can be done either with a single, powerful inner-parts rescue, or by repeatedly
How do you stay present in the face of perceiving an unexpected attack? What happens in your body as you take in the heightened expression of your child or loved one? As children move through adolescence, it can feel emotionally rocky, not only for the child, it can feel rocky for the parents. We can find ourselves reacting when we’ve promised ourselves we will stay present. Today let me share an experience I had with my youngest son, Rylan.
I remember feeling momentarily stunned as I heard him cry out, “You’re not my mom, you’re a hologram!” His eyes were wide, and the corners of his lips were turned downward.
I automatically slowed down my inner experience and took a deep breath in through my nostrils. I noticed my stomach was tight and my breathing was shallow. As I monitored my inner world, I further noticed my back was rigid, and the whole of my experience felt surreal, as if I was looking out of my eyes from a great distance.
When we check within the body to notice the layers of perception, it activates the mind-sight circuits of the brain. Letting the internal sensations of the experience fill the awareness, it enables one to direct the energy and information flowing through the nervous system with the focus of attention. Where attention goes, neural firing in the brain occurs, and neural connections are strengthened.
This attentional focusing, with mindful awareness, enables our brains to literally grow more integrative fibers, which in turn, empowers our ability to regulate emotions, attention, the thought field, and the capacity to pause with reflection rather than reaction.
When I dropped into my own inner experience, I noticed that my ‘apparently normal personality’ had stepped forward, to protect and support my implicit memories of fear from overwhelming me completely. Rather than reacting from that disconnected self, I mindfully connected to Source Energy and felt an infusion of trust, faith, and companionship, where my Essential Self offered a welcoming and safe refuge.
Here, in this inner sanctuary, it was possible for me to own my own perceptions, and remain in congruence with my own values, regardless of what others might say or do. I was empowered to experience an “inner-parts dialogue”.
I remember hearing my inner voice say, “He’s just getting so big! His voice booms in my ears, the words come so fast, and I have to hide!”
“Hmm,” my Essential Self murmured, “Just needing a little acknowledgment what it’s like to experience this energy, and needing to differentiate it within your body? Do you like it when there is a little more warmth and softness, for there to be space to integrate what happens in the now? Do you need to know and trust that you really do exist, and your experience matters in the world? Especially in relationship with the one who is your son?”
As I soaked up these guesses I felt a visceral shift as my body expanded, my breathing deepened, and I noticed a perceptual lightness in my forehead as my vision cleared and widened. Ah – presence!
I turned and gazed upon my son, and intentionally sent him pure love and light energy, from my heart space to his heart space. I watched as his body shifted, and his eyes caught mine. They slowly changed from troubled and upset to quizzical, I remember he asked, “What are you doing?”
I responded, “Sending you love energy.” And gave him a warm smile.
An immediate shift of softness covered his body as he uncurled and voiced softly, “Aw… Mom.” A slow, warm smile softened the contours of his face, as it reached his eyes.
As we learn to become more present in life, at any age, it helps us to become more resilient, the capacity to remain more flexible and strong in the face of stress. Presence creates the gifts of happiness and well-being in our lives.
Are you, or a loved one, needing support to strengthen your ability to stay present in the face of stress? Reach out to me today at HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the jour
There have been times in my life when life seemed to have a particular pattern, that I’d forget it’s possible for something different to occur. Let me share an example.
I remember one morning several years ago I heard the movement of our son coming from the other room, at the time, I felt it was incredulous when I turned and saw him. There he stood; with a slight grin on his face, holding his dog in his arms, and... his sound therapy headset on his head!
Throughout the day he was energetic; he literally bounced around the house, sang to himself as he cleaned and organized his room, smiled often, attended to his chores, and engaged in conversations which quickly changed from topic to topic. (Identifying my child’s natural movement and tendencies is an important step in understanding and honoring his true nature.)
“Wow! Look at you this morning!” I exclaimed, with surprise and delight registering in my tone of voice and facial expression.
With a big grin he replied, “Well, I just decided that the day does go better when I choose to use my iLs, (Integrated Listening System) so that’s what I’m doing!”
Then again the next day, first thing in the morning (even before breakfast) I found him sitting in his dad’s recliner listening to his sound therapy without being asked for the second day in a row!
“What?” I asked in awe, “Are you kidding me?” And, I smiled broadly.
All I received as a response from him was a gorgeous wide smile and twinkling eyes shining back at me with pure joy and pleasure.
I found myself marveling at this radical transformation as I reflected on how our son was showing up in the world. Gratitude and joy overflowed from my heart, and my face beamed with the light of love as I breathed in a deep, awe inspired, inhalation.
To really appreciate this radical change in my son, let me rewind time with you. About 3 months before, Rylan was experiencing more intense symptoms of distress; internal heat, which intensified when emotionally knocked off balance. He also experienced increased muscle aches and pains, and he “flipped his lid” (temporarily lost his ability to link separate areas of his brain to one another) several times a day.
I knew there was definitely something new happening under the surface of his experience, and his dad and I searched for alternative ways to support him. I brought our findings to our son’s physician and made a request to begin the process of Rylan’s current medication slowly being decreased, while we increased natural healing methods at home. After some engaged discussion, he agreed!
Rylan’s daily practice included; natural supplements, sound therapy, energy exercises combined with grounding (also known as earthing) limited screen time, and increased relational time with friends and family.
Our journey was one of ongoing learning on how to expand the energies of love and presence, while mindfully slowing time down using the tool of interoception. Interoception is the capacity of the mind to focus awareness on the internal state of the body. We also developed our capacities to tune into the energetic frequencies which created our relationships.
As a family we had fun tapping into energy and information flow in such a profoundly new way - a way that honored both our son’s, and our own, unique energy types.
Our daily practices continued over time to increase our abilities to remain more consistently open-hearted in our one-on-one relationships, and as a family. I personally discovered that implementing energy techniques with compassion in the moment of arousal, turned our differences into strengths and our areas of stagnation into renewal.
If you are seeking personal support on your path, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com I’d love to learn how I can be of help.
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm acco
Have you taken in a blue sky with puffy white clouds on a warm summer’s day lately - or in the past? Can you bring to your mind and body what that felt like to experience? As you remember can you slow down your inner experience to notice any sensations in your heart space, your face, your belly, or any images in your mind’s eye? I, personally, have found this can seem very stretching to pull off, especially in the face of stress or anxiety when I had been anticipating pleasure instead.
Several years ago after spending the morning connecting and working with my horses, I was looking forward to going with my son to visit one of the local Horse Rescue centers together. As I went into the house, I heard my son express with intensity, “It hurts! It hurts! Get off of me!”
I felt my belly clench and face tighten, as I quickly moved to his side to offer my support only to be met with, “Don’t touch me!” as he began to desperately pull off his shoes and socks.
Immediately my chest collapsed, my face flushed, and I heard my inner critic taunt me, “It’s never going to change – this will always happen – you should know better by now.”
Silently I placed my hand on my chest, closed my eyes, and looked up over the horizon to connect with the Light. I breathed into my heart space gently, and felt my Essential Self draw close.
“Are you feeling bowled over with the sudden sense of disappointment? Just so worried that time will be stuck in a loop of never ending lack? I’m wondering do you really like it when you can sink into the inner experience of having abundant, endless support about you, like a warm billowy cushion of Love energy within and all around. Especially in moments of intensity with the one who is your son?” My Essential Self guessed.
Time felt as if it stood still as I breathed in Love, and breathed out Love. In reality it took only a moment, yet that precious moment of self-connection fueled my capacity to extend that same gentle, loving acceptance to my son.
I asked him softly, “Do your feet need more freedom today, or maybe they’d enjoy the support of deep pressure massage?”
I noticed his body shift and soften in response, as he made a request, “I need a hug.”
In terms of building neural structure, what matters is not the event or circumstance itself, but slowing down to notice your embodied experience (without making it wrong) then consciously choosing to sink into allowing, and uncovering, a sense of Love.
When I remembered to look up (with my eyes closed) to take in the wide expanse of blue sky and to focus with intention on the puffy white clouds I saw there (in my mind’s eye) I could dip into the sensations of warmth, lightness, and happiness in my body, and notice, enrich, and absorb, how beautiful life is when seen as an opportunity.
Would you like to experience more of a sense of freedom in your life? Reach out to me today to explore what that might look like at HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 175]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever noticed how awful it feels inside when you experience disappointment? Maybe your stomach clenches tight or it could even feel like you just took a punch in the gut. It’s just not fun. But what about when you receive a delightful surprise, now that can get the joy juice going. Maybe you feel lighter and brighter inside or perhaps you experience a thrill like a tickle in your tummy. I had the opportunity to play with noticing how different emotions feel in my body in a very focused and new way one weekend, with my grandchildren when they were little.
I remember that morning after breakfast I heard them all cry in unison, “Aw – we wanted to play outside today!”
I glanced out the window and saw dark clouds and a high wind blowing. As I took in their mournful faces, I empathized. “Do you guys really like it when you get to play in the playhouse, ride the horse, and dig dirt with your shovels, and you especially like to do all those things in the warm sunshine?”
Three sets of big sad eyes turned to me as they nodded their heads in agreement.
Spontaneously I twirled around into a pounce and asked, “Well now, who wants to play with grandma?”
Sharing squeals of laughter I felt like the Pied Piper as they chased after me, running around the rooms and down the stairs. “Would you guys like to play a new game?” I asked; as we slowed down to catch our breath.
“Yeah! What is it? What is it?!” they asked with excitement shining in their eyes.
Getting out a game, I invited them, “How about we play Wild Ride to the Heart?”
“It looks like Chutes and Ladders!” Andrew exclaimed, pointing to the board.
“It does look similar, doesn’t it,” I acknowledged, “let’s look and see what we can see…” Together we all traced the board with our fingers, naming the different colors, pictures, and places we’d get to explore as we played. “Mad Mountain, Cranky Pants Court, Love Lake, Scary Circle, Courage Canyon,” the children giggled with wide-eyed delight as I continued, “we’ll get to ride our emotions and notice where they are in our bodies. And we’ll get to practice breathing a warm feeling into our hearts!”
“Can we practice that now?” Hannah asked eagerly.
“Absolutely, we can all practice together.” Lifting my hand to my heart I modeled the process for them, “First place your hand over your heart, focus your attention on your whole heart space, and gently close your eyes. And as you breathe a warm feeling into your heart, notice how it feels in your body.”
Following my example the three children grew very quiet. The softly I heard Carter say, “It feels warm, really warm.” And smiles spread over their faces.
We had so much fun taking turns spinning the spinner, made faces of the different emotions for one another to guess, told stories about times when we had felt the different feelings, and practiced breathing warm feelings into our hearts. At one point in the game Carter got a surprise card asking him, “What makes you sad? Tell the other players.”
“I don’t want to.” He frowned, folded his arms over his chest, and slouched forward.
“Hmm…” I puzzled out loud as I tapped my chin, “I don’t think your face looks cranky, or mad, I wonder if maybe you are feeling shy? Is it that you like the freedom to choose what you tell others about?”
“Yes.” He nodded as he replied.
“Thank you for being willing to tell us how you feel and what you like, Carter. That really helps us all to understand so much better. I’m wondering if it might be helpful for all of us to practice going to our hearts now, and notice what happens when we breathe in a warm feeling.”
Smiling up at me he straightened up, placing his hand on his heart and nodded again. The rest of us followed his lead in silence, until we heard him exclaim, “It’s working! It’s getting really warm again, and I feel happy again!”
“Yay!” we all celebrated with him. “Now let’s rest in the warm happiness inside of us for three more belly breaths, and fill up with Life as
I remember when I saw my 14 year-old son, curled up on his bed, holding his head and crying.
“Just because I’m older and bigger doesn’t mean I can calm myself! Everyone expects too much from me! I can’t take the pressure – I need to you to be like you used to be!”
I felt complete bewilderment as my heart broke open anew. As I reached out and held him in my arms, I rocked him gently to sooth and comfort him, I mentally scanned over the previous several weeks and attempted to pin-point when the fear reaction had begun to re-surface. He had been doing so well! He showed up with confidence at appointments, engaged in conversations, and had fun with learning – what could be driving this fear? Then I remembered his initial reaction upon being scheduled for the year-end testing had been one of startle and intense fear.
“You are reading so fast I can’t keep up with you to mark your score!” the educational assessor remarked, “Slow down, and try taking a breath between each paragraph, as you read it again.”
When he heard the assessor tell him to read the paragraph again, Rylan stared silently at her a moment, then leaned forward and placed his forehead on the desk. “I can’t do it.” He stated in a monotone voice. “I’m done.”
Being in an unfamiliar setting, and perceiving what was said as a requirement (pressure) had triggered a heighted emotional state of mind within Rylan, and directly shaped how sensitive he became as he lost his ability to function. Without the calming influence of his prefrontal cortex available to him, his limbic system reacted suddenly, without warning.
During adolescence the prefrontal area of our brains is in a state of reconstruction so teenagers’ can be prone, at certain times, to “flipping their lids” (temporarily losing their ability to link separate areas of the brain to one another). It’s helpful to know that the limbic system and brainstem are more active in adolescents than they are in children or adults, this means teens can interpret neutral responses as hostile or aggressive - not to be trusted. “Flipping your lid” is very energy consuming and can happen even when youth are developing well.
I remembered feeling surprised by Rylan’s shut-down reaction. Yet I noticed at the same time he was able to use his words, once his head was down, to express he was done. Moving to sit beside him I placed my hand gently on his shoulder, smiled at the assessor, and requested, “Would you be willing to give us a few minutes alone?”
As the assessor left the room I focused my attention on my inner sensations and silently offered Rylan my presence. I connected with the beauty of the needs to be seen, to matter, and for shared reality while taking a couple of slow, gentle breaths. Rylan lifted his head, looked into my eyes, and expressed earnestly, “I don’t know why, but I just can’t do it today. It feels like too much pressure. At home I read silently to myself and here I have to read out loud while I’m watched.”
“It’s nice when things are more familiar maybe,” I guessed, “I’m wondering how it might be if you could simply read to yourself, and then answer the comprehension questions out loud. Would that be supportive?” I asked.
Sitting up and stretching for a moment, Rylan replied, “Yeah that would help, would you ask her then and sit right beside me?”
Remembering that previous moment in time, as I held my son in my arms, a déjà vu experience hit me; I saw a kaleidoscope of younger versions of this boy, repeatedly doing his best to engage with educators, and becoming completely knocked off balance by his inner experience of not being seen, heard, or resonated with. Of feeling intense pressure to meet “conditions” held in place by the cultural system.
I felt my heart soften and body relax as I sank into my own long-term intention, as his mother, to choose heart connection first, to value relationships over outcomes or strategies, to choose Love. Slowing down and looking through the lens of my te
After walking up the stairs early one morning, I heard my lungs begin to wheeze, and as a rattling stirred deep in my chest, my mind screamed, "I’m not getting enough air - I can’t breathe!" instantaneously my whole body tightened into resistance with such an intensity that blind panic coursed through me.
My eyes desperately scanned my outer environment for some means of help, and in that moment, I recognized this inner-state of being on a cellular level; learned helplessness. As I stopped, frozen in the ever-present-past, another layer of implicit belief emerged; “even if there was someone there - they couldn’t help me - it’d make it worse.”
When that was not instantly made wrong by my inner critic, I felt a slight inner-shift as a tender aspect of my inner self emerged, which seemed very vulnerable and all alone. So completely and utterly alone there was no one else to reach out to, no one to see me, to hear me, or to help me.
I resisted the inner impulse to flee (where would I go) and slowed my inner experience by leaning forward, elbows on knees, and gently held my forehead in my hands. I consciously focused on self-connection.
I remember I felt my lungs swell, and my airway began to contract, the terrifying panic once again rose up within. An image of my horse, Shadow, flashed briefly in my mind’s eye, of when he had reared and torn my shoulder from its socket and the associated terror of panic that had reached for me.
I then remembered how there had come a time when I chose to live the inner practice I had been learning to do. To willingly and mindfully let go of everything at the very moment it rises; notice it is coming, it peaks, and then it leaves. So with every sensation, every emotion, every thought, every yearning or need, to willingly let go of my inner attachment to it at its peak as a continuous, nonstop process, allowing each layer to emerge naturally.
Empowered by the memory of that vibrant experience, I closed my eyes, looked up above my inner horizon, and sensed the Light. I felt this Light and Love come right in, and consciously breathed the healing energy deep into my body. I allowed the Light’s warmth to shine right into my head, to flow into my 3rd eye, into my ears, my throat, my chest, to flow down my arms, my torso, my stomach, my hips. I allowed this Light and Love to flow into my thighs, knees, and feet, I heard my Essential Self say, "I am open to receiving Pure Source Energy and Love."
Then I sensed the Light flow from my feet into the center of the planet where - as above and so below - there’s another space that provides Pure Source Energy. It felt warm and welcoming, like "Oh, I’m so glad you are here!" Yeah! So I let that Loving Light bounce back, like a mini-trampoline, up through my feet, my calves, my thighs, my hips, my stomach, my torso, and into my heart radiating out 360 degrees all the way around me so I was in a big bubble of Love and Light from above and below. (This whole inner experience happened in less than 1/10,000’s of a second.)
I chose with faith to let go of frantically attempting to control my experience by searching for help outside myself, and instead mindfully looked within my sense of Self to become aware of my Essential Self, which is always here, always now.
What I learned was it’s not so much about verbally describing my experience, as it is simply being willing to feel the sensations in the moment. As I continued to lean my forehead (3rd eye, prefrontal cortex) to rest in my hands, inside I experienced my forehead sinking into the chest of God and being held - tears of relief and recognition began to flow - I am being held all the time, I had just been blocked myself from seeing it and feeling it.
I had unknowingly bought myself a label, which had been sold to me by well-meaning health care authorities, "I have asthma." I had unwittingly identified myself with the whole "asthma" program.
I was experientially beginning to understand that the
I remember when I received a call from a young mother, who was desperately reaching out for support. She said, ”I don’t think it was an accident that you have come into my life. I really need help with my daughter, she’s got so much anxiety building inside her. Maybe it’s not anxiety, but she’s just so grumpy all the time!"
I gently asked, "Hearing your inner sense of desperation, I’m wondering if you would be willing to receive some empathy guesses from me?"
"Yes," she responded, "I’m so desperate I will try anything! It’s so hard to parent her!"
"Oh, feeling so desperate," noticing my tummy contract, I paused for a moment, "I’m wondering if it might be supportive just to drop into your body for a moment and notice any sensations, any sense of where in your body this feeling of desperation reside?"
After a moment of silence, she answered, "In my stomach."
"Does it feel tight or hard? Expansive or light?"
"Tight, and my throat is tight," As she dipped into her bodily sensations the sound of tears filtered her expression,."it’s going all the way into my stomach."
"Oh," I responded softly, "Do you need to be seen for just how hard it feels right now, in this very moment?"
"Uh-huh." She answered through her tears.
"And maybe to be seen for how much courage it takes to reach out for a little hope and support - to experientially tap into the sweetness of feeling felt?" I paused a moment before continuing, "I’m wondering what happens in your body as you receive these guesses just now?"
"Relief!" She exclaimed, "I feel more relaxed and breathing easier now..."
We all need to experience the relief of being welcomed with warmth, of being received with empathic understanding when we experience the stress of overwhelm in our relationships, especially with our children and/or partners.
When we create trusted pockets of empathy support for ourselves, we are strengthening our own capacity to authentically express sincere love and kindness in moments of stress - instead of reacting from old patterns of anger, frustration, fear or disappointment.
Do you need the relief that comes from connecting with someone who understands? I invite you to reach out to me today at HealingYouSanctuary.com I look forward to meeting with you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 171]
#TheHealingYouMethod
When we have close relationships with other people, there are going to be inevitable ruptures that will happen. Some of those ruptures may not make sense in the moment, yet they can leave you staggered.
I’ll never forget one day talking on the phone with a very dear, close friend. I heard them say, ”I don’t know if I can call you back, I’m so overwhelmed I just don’t think I can."
When I took in this expression from my trusted friend, I felt a sense of shock run through me, as if cold icy water had splashed in my face. My stomach contracted, and my heart burned, desperately crying out in confusion for companionship, mattering and understanding. Then I felt my whole sense of self slowly become numb, and cellular exhaustion descended upon my heart and soul. The rest of the day was a blur as I experienced everything and everyone as an irritation and annoyance.
I didn’t bother to arise early the next morning, but hid underneath the warm thick covers, waiting with a glimmer of hope for my scheduled empathy call to ring in. Relief coursed through my body as I answered the call yet I noticed a bit of inner resistance and disconnect as I was asked what age this shocked part of self was.
"I don’t have a sense of being any age at all." I responded. Encouraged to drop into my body sensations, I felt the familiar burn in my chest, and contraction in my belly. Then, suddenly, my throat clenched, and tears stung my eyes and the remembrance of my best friend’s birthday party, in seventh grade, sprang into my mind’s eye. Time traveling, I heard the new girl from school demand I be left behind in the woods, utterly alone. Shock, despair, confusion and bewildered disbelief numbed me. Even after finding my way back to my friend’s house, and sometime later after everyone returned, I realized I was completely invisible and no longer mattered to my once loved and warm community.
"This brings tears to my eyes. Does your Compassionate Self have a guess for this little you?" My empathy angel asked, "Or would you like some support with guesses?"
Barely able to speak, I gratefully received a steady flow of life serving guesses for this younger part of self, and witnessed layer after layer of shame, horror, and embarrassment release from my body. I breathed in the resonant tone of voice laced with grace, care, tenderness and love, and allowed my body to shake as it released the blocked emotions.
I realized that when I had turned to my mother, for comfort and understanding, she had been as confused and bewildered as I, and simply said she didn’t know why it had happened. Left with no support to make sense of my sudden isolation, my body repressed the sharp pain of the memory until I was held with the kind of support that sought not to take away my pain, but to help me sit with it, acknowledge it, and release it.
Then my Compassionate Self-Witness, my right pre-frontal cortex, brought two gorgeous black Friesian horses back in time and invited my younger self to ride home with her. With the warm wind blowing through our hair, we rode over the grassy hills, under a warm blue sky, all the way back to the barn. Days later now, I notice the cells of my body feel open, light, energized and present. Such a new experience.
It is essential to realize that any barrier we experience, when it comes to fully accepting our children or others, originates in our own past conditioning. When we are unable to accept them, it’s because old wounds have been triggered in us. When we are willing to allow these tender, vulnerable parts of ourselves to be held, and welcomed back with loving acceptance and gratitude, we discover the path to holding others in that same Light of Love and acceptance.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method her
I’ve been experiencing some post-Covid low energy and needing deeper, undisturbed rest for rejuvenation. This morning I paid attention to where my thoughts went when I first awoke.
What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? Are you looking forward to the new day or do you want to roll over and go back to sleep? Personally, when I paid attention to my thought life I recognized I was getting into the habit of a "roll over and go back to sleep and hide from the day" kinda thing, rather than making myself wrong, I got curious and invited myself into a deeper process with my inner Essential Self.
"Are you really tired and needing deeper rest?" My Essential Self guessed.
I felt my body soften, gently uncurling, with my eyes still closed in a semi-slumber. Slowly awakening me, my Essential Self asked with care, "Maybe you are needing some shared reality and acknowledgement for the complexity of all that you hold and do in a given day."
I spontaneously drew in a deep breath, feeling the relaxation that comes from a deep aliveness as it began to course through my being. "Are you needing the faith and freedom to trust you’ll awaken inspired to create your day doing what you love?"
A warm smile spread across my face as I opened my eyes, to stretch and gaze at the beautiful ocean painting, which was my mother’s. The memory of my mother, the soft colors and imagery of the ebb and flow of the tide washed over me. I felt a deep healing resonance shift my inner experience from resistance, to one of peace. Endless possibilities gloriously stretched out all around me.
When we lovingly listen to and accept ourselves at the soul level, right where we are, rather than berating ourselves for not being as we "should" be, it allows us an opportunity to be birthed all over again. When we then open our eyes we can see with the eyes of our soul. When we see the beauty of divinity in not only ourselves, but in each person we encounter, our relationships deepen, and the bonds of our unions strengthen.
Creativity and inspiration are the opposite of routine. When you consciously know where you are going and have faith you will get there, allowing yourself to adapt to any changes, you can experience your infinite potential. You’ll naturally act differently and attract consistently what you’ve aligned with. Relating to each other from the soul level, we are empowered to radiate out an expansion of love, joy, compassion, and harmony into our world.
Deepen your inner experience by connecting with me today at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com I look forward to meeting you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 169]
#TheHealingYouMethod
There are times that parents can become dulled to the emotional expression of their children. Especially when it seems as if they never get a break, or there is no one to talk with about what it’s like for them as the parent.
I remember several years ago walking down a store aisle to stand in line at the pharmacy. I felt my ears prick when I heard a young child cry out loudly. I looked around, to see whether I could be of assistance, when I stepped into the center aisle I saw a little girl of about 2-3 years of age crying. A man, I imagine it was her father, took ahold of her arm, leaned over her small form, and demanded in a very firm voice, "Be quiet! Stop it right now!"
The little girl shrank back yet naturally continued to cry loudly as her mother turned away from her and began to push the grocery cart, which held an even younger girl, down the aisle. The father pulled on the child’s arm, nearly jerking her off her feet, as he spanked her with his other hand, again commanding, "Be quiet, and stop crying right now!" This time the little girl cried out a wobbly little, "Okay." And gave a valiant attempt to calm herself as he released her and walked on ahead. The child blindly trailed after her family.
I felt stunned and turned to stand back in the pharmacy line, a sense of nausea was heavy within me having witnessed these young parents’ misplaced responses that shriveled the young child’s spirit.
When our children are just being themselves, they are unconcerned with the things we parents can so often obsess over - such as how things might look to other people. Children, especially young children, tend to plunge head first into the experience of life, willing to risk it all. Deliberately I took a few deep cleansing breaths and intentionally sent pure Love and Light to embrace and sooth the young family, especially the father and daughter pair.
I sensed someone was standing in line behind me so I turned and with a bit of amazement saw the same young father standing behind the cart with his younger daughter in it. She was twisting about and crying in distress as she tried again and again to reach the pretty purple Halloween basket that was positioned at the furthest end of the cart, well away from her grasp.
I smiled and waved at the little one and noticed she paused to focus on me for a moment before reaching again and again for the basket. I caught her father’s eye and asked, "How old is your daughter?"
"One year." He replied with a look of exasperation.
"She sure does like her Halloween basket doesn’t she!" I acknowledged.
With a bit of a sigh and he rolled his eyes and nodded, "A bit too much at the moment."
Deliberately I turned my head slightly to one side, shifted my body a little sideways, and leaned forward to become smaller as I turned in the direction of the child. I looked into her eyes as I wondered out loud, "Now how could it be possible to like such a colorful basket too much when you are only one? How could that be?"
The little girl returned my warm eye gaze and broke into a beautiful smile. I returned her smile and wiggled my fingers say saying "Hi!" to which she wiggled her chubby little fingers back. How precious it was this sweet moment of warm, accepting connection.
I noticed the father’s shoulders relax, and then he pushed the cart so his child was nearer to me. I began playing a little game of peek-a-boo with her as we passed the time standing in line. Before I moved on to engage with the pharmacist I met the father’s eye gaze for a moment and said with heart-felt sincerity, "What precious children you have."
He nodded thoughtfully before turning to gaze at his little one.
Many people don’t slow down long enough to consider how the way they show up in relationship affects the children around them. Despite our best intentions we can enslave our children to the emotional legacy we received from our parents, binding them to the incapacitating inheritance of our ancestors.
D
How do people change, and how does one move through the ripples that flow from change itself? Do you welcome change with curiosity and openness in your body, or is it something you’d prefer to avoid all together and your body contracts at the very thought of change? Stepping into new schedules can be quite an adjustment for most, and for many others it can require an enormous step of faith, courage, and inner growth.
When my son, Rylan, was going to begin Junior High he was going to be participating in classes that would open up new opportunities for him; expand his learning, develop inner confidence, and create new friendships in community.
The last month of summer we deliberately focused on preparing for these changes by gradually shifting our schedules, so that everyone experienced as much ease and flow as possible. One of the ways we prepared was by joining a gym, meeting with a personal trainer, (for Physical Ed) and then going to the gym.
Waking Rylan up in the morning, to be at the gym by ten, was not a piece of cake. Let me share a story with you. I would speak in a quiet ton attempting to wake him gently. ”Rylan…it’s time to wake up!”
He pulled the covers up over his head, and I heard a deep groan, "Go away. I’m tired."
"C’mon buddy," I’d coaxed, "remember we planned to go to Oz Fitness today!"
"Stop yelling at me, I’m not going!" he said vehemently as he further burrowed into his blankets. "Leave me alone!"
I felt my tummy clench, while images of a grumpy Rylan sprang to my mind’s eye in living color. I rocked back on my heels and released a deep belly breath to sooth myself. Quickly, I imagined a big beautiful orange flower (his favorite color) opening up to embrace and enfold the grumpy image. I hurled it energetically out of my personal territory and watched it dissipate.
Then, I turned to gaze upon the mound in the bed that was my son, I pulled back the covers, and said in a cheerful tone, "Okay, getting up is what we are doing! Sean is going to wonder where you are at! We’ve got things to be about - time to get a move on!"
"Sean’s coming?" he asked as he sat up.
"Of course he is!" I smiled, "You guys get to work out together, remember?"
"Yeah, okay, I’ll get ready."
Ten minutes later Rylan hollered. "I can’t do it! I can’t go! Just leave without me!" He came out of the bathroom with wet hair, and stressed, "I’m trying to get ready and nothing is working for me!" As he grabbed his hair and messed it up.
As I opened my mouth about to speak, he said urgently, "Don’t say anything! Just leave! Go! Wait in the car! Now!!!"
My solar plexus and face tighten and tingled, it was as if hot coals were preparing to hit my body with intensity. I shut my eyes slowly and dropped into my body. As I sensed the sensations of anger, a tensing of my back, arms and fists, (as if preparing to hit) I acknowledged the underlying impulses of healthy aggression alerting me of the need for protection and to set clear limits around taking action to obtain the things we need. After the sizzling sensations subsided, I released my breath and took a few deliberate steps back to defuse the energy in my body and in the room.
When I noticed the time, I felt so torn. On one hand I was worried about being late, and on the other hand I wanted Rylan to have all the space he needed to transition and experience success. In an attempt to reduce his sensory input, I turned my body sideways as I replied, "Rylan, I will be in the car waiting for you, son. The car leaves in five minutes.”
His eyes widened in fear, and he shouted, "Don’t pressure me! Just leave!"
My scalp instantly tingled and I felt my Essential Self beckon me, saying, “I’m here with you Gloria. Rather than feeling his emotions in this moment, he has become swallowed up by them and needs some spaciousness, and for you to trust and believe he will find himself again." She smiled and gently wrapped her arm about my shoulders, "come on out to the car with me and
Have you ever experienced life as being so full and complex that there is hardly enough space within yourself to take a breath? Or maybe you experience so many differing things vying for your attention, you can barely even think, let alone be able to stay present and in choice, about what to attend to next? How do you live in congruence with your own personal values? Are you in full choice around what you are about in life?
I notice within my being a complexity of sensations, emotions, protective impulses, inner images, stories, and a fluctuating ability to truly stay present to my full experience in a given moment. I am noticing how my growing ability to track my own variety of experience, with self and while relating with others, enables me to feel more alive, vibrant, and in full choice around whatever I am about.
I remember one summer brought me the opportunity to transition into a different schedule with Rylan, the one who is my son. When I looked at my schedule, I sensed a tension in my shoulders that radiated up my neck as one part of myself wondered how on earth I would possibly be able to maintain the flow of my work.
Pausing a moment, I turned slightly, and felt the welcoming warmth of my Essential Self acknowledge just how much I love what I do. A few needs that are met are for inspiration, joy, meaning and purpose as well as contributing in the lives of others.
Rylan was thirteen at the time, and growing into being a young man. His voice was deepening and he stood nearly as tall as me. I remember feeling a clutch in my gut, when I acknowledged how all too soon he too would be grown and ready to spread his wings to follow his own inner knowing just as his older siblings had.
My eyes tear up remembering how each of my children grew so quickly and the opportunities to join with them became less frequent. At the time, I noticed my chest swell with a fierce love for each one of my children, and I deliberately chose to be about enjoying every moment I had to join with them, especially Rylan, during his very formative years as he developed into an adult.
As I set my resolve, I took a deep, cleansing breath. I felt my throat constricted and then released as I became clear and focused. I smiled to myself and felt immense gratitude for my awareness.
There is a complexity of experience my Essential Self holds while acknowledging the varying degrees of consciousness within me; the physical, the emotional, the biochemical, the mental, and the One that breathes across them all - the timeless spiritual aspect of my sense of Self. Wondering how will I navigate the waters of Life with the one who is my son?
It’s as if I am at the top of a mountain pass, preparing to glide down through the glaciers of ice and snow, sensing my way...a descent into direct experience...mindfully exhilarating in choice with each opening of the way - choosing to live In Relationship in the Now.
This way of being requires diligence and consistent self-care to stay present. When we take the time we need, to attend to our own growth and development of self, we become more and more available to accompany others, especially our children. That’s what I’m most passionate about.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 166]
#TheHealingYouMethod
What’s it like for you when you feel disappointment? What have you noticed it’s like for a child? In my experience, disappointment can feel crushing to them. Especially when it’s around something they’ve been looking forward to for awhile.
Homeschooling my youngest we didn’t get to arrange time to hang out with friends so much, it wasn’t as often as it had been for my older children, who attended public schools. I remember one particular time with Rylan. He was shocked with bitter disappointment. He ran to his room and lay crying on his bed "But we planned it in advance! It’s not fair!”
I paused a moment to acknowledge my own visceral response, I noticed my heart was racing and my breathing was shallow. I placed my hand on my heart, and closed my eyes to focus inward, I focused on my breath and tracked my body sensations. My gut and shoulders had clenched tight, and the flavor of emotion was near panic and despair. Just dipping into the sensations and naming the emotions silently to myself, I felt a release from the pain. I named to myself how much I valued heart connection and harmony and my heart rate slowed and shoulders relaxed. I felt solid ground under my feet once more.
I moved and sat beside Rylan and laid my hand on his back. I could feel the waves of emotion as they rolled through him, it was like shock waves on my heart and soul.
Silently I acknowledged how shocking it must be for him to hear his friend’s mom had canceled coming over, due to an unexpected snow storm. I also silently named how much he needed consistency, predictability and the joy and fun of friendship! As I sat with him silently, the depth of his mourning pierced my heart, and as the pitch of his cries impaled my ears, I began to slide into overwhelm.
Slowly I moved away from my son’s side and told him, "Mommy needs a little space for a moment or two."
I retreated to the basement and systematically began to fold laundry as I tuned into my inner experience again. I began to hear the story I was telling myself, "it’s just too hard, too much, too loud, way too loud!" Tears sprang to my eyes as I held the resonate waves of big emotional energy emitted from my son, the depth of his despair, and the need for mourning.
I asked this very tender part of myself, "Is it that you would like to remain fully present within your sense of self in order to provide the one who is your son consistent, resonant attunement and support?"
Before I could go further, Rylan walked into the room, sat on the couch and calmly looked up at me. He tipped his head ever so slightly and asked, "Now, Mother, was that a little thing or a big thing?"
As I met his gaze I felt a shift into surprise and relief sprang up within me. "Thank you for asking. Let’s see, it seems a little thing until it happens repeatedly and suddenly it feels quite big."
"Thank you for asking, I really like your question," I spontaneously I reached out to invite a handshake and asked, "have we met previously? Your name is...?"
"Rylan." He smiled, just slightly, as he politely shook my hand.
"And how old are you?" I asked.
"Twelve, almost thirteen."
"I’m so pleased to meet you. I have seen you around once in a while, but there is something different happening here. This is the first time you have initiated a conversation with me like this. I’d really like to have more conversations with you, and spend more time with you, is that a possibility?"
He smiled wide, and sat up even straighter, and his chin tipped up when he replied, "Why yes, I would enjoy more conversations with you too. This is how Ken talks with me!" (Ken is the facilitator of his weekly social skills group.)
I smiled back and affirmed, "Yes, I heard you and Ken talking at group last week, I’d like to hear more about that. I’m curious, would you be available to help with a little guy that lives here? He needs lots of love and support as he finds his way. He sometimes gets overwhelmed with disappointment and really
Do you plan outings with your kids, ones that you both put time and energy into choosing what you’ll be doing together and really look forward to? Has anything unexpected ever happened in the midst of one of those special times? If so, how did you react in the moment? Were you able to stay flexible and adaptable or does unpredictability simply knock you way off balance?
I enjoyed planning outings with my son, Rylan, fairly regularly when he was younger, often folding them into our homeschooling program. I remember one Monday we planned to go shopping for his winter coat after going to the doctor. This day was particularly exciting because we planned to go to the Valley Mall to do our shopping! Let me share the story with you.
Rylan took my hand in his as we crossed the parking lot to enter the mall, and as we went through the big doors he gave me a big grin saying, "I love you, Mom."
I gave his hand a squeeze and affirmed, "I love you too, son."
As we looked about us it was clear we weren’t in a familiar place. This shopping mall was set up differently from the down-town mall we usually shopped at. Rylan, however, was keen on navigating and took the lead to find the men’s winter coats.
All along the way he would stop to marvel at the Christmas decorations that were already set up to capture the shopper’s attention. There were so many things to see and take in! When we finally made our way through the maze to the upper floor where the coats were, I could see the disappointment on Rylan’s face. His brow furrowed, his lips pressed together, and he took in a calming breath to steady himself. "Well, there isn’t much to choose from here now is there." He stated with another sigh. His eyes darted to another rack and he moved to take a closer look. "Oh! Here! This one, I want this one!"
"Would you be willing to try it on and see how it fits you?" I asked, as I pulled the coat from the rack and off the hanger.
He took off his jacket and slipped into the winter coat, then he looked at the arm length, "This will last awhile..." suddenly his eyes widened as his face flushed and he began pulling the jacket off quickly, "I’m too hot - I’m having a hot-flash! Get this off of me!"
Quickly I helped him get untangled from the coat, "What’s going on? Did something not feel right?" I asked with concern.
"No, I’m just too hot!" his eyes landed on some stocking caps on the next aisle and he moved to look at them.
"So you’d like to get this coat then?" I was puzzled as I watched him move from one item to another, and I noticed his movements were becoming more agitated.
"Yes...no...I don’t know...Mom," he said with mounting panic, "I don’t know what to do..." When he moved to the end of the aisle he sank down onto the floor, "I’m just too danged hot all of a sudden! I can’t stand it!"
I moved quickly to his side and felt a mounting concern as my gut clenched and a tenseness in my neck and a deep sense of mourning accompanied the fleeting thought, "Oh no, we were having such a fun time."
Unconsciously I moved straight to strategy in an attempt to divert from the pain in the moment, "Come on, buddy, let’s just go look at a different store then, it will help to get outside where it’s cooler."
His face contorted with pain, flushed with the wave of emotion he felt in his body. "Don’t touch me!"
Startled, I backed up. Rylan sprang to his feet and reached to hug me tight, as he whispered frantically, "Stop it, Mom, you are embarrassing me."
I took a deep breath to calm my own spirit as I hugged him back, "it’s okay, Rylan," I whispered, "I just don’t know what to do right now to support you. What can I do?"
"Just stop being so loud!" In his distress his fingers clenched my arms tightly. "When you do that people look at me!"
When I felt the grasp of his fingers tightening, an implicit wave of overwhelm washed over me and I pulled away frantically from his grasp, "That hurts my arms! Stop that!"
Stunned and frightened
Have you ever felt pressure within, telling yourself you need to get somewhere by a certain time, or that you are going to be late unless you hurry up? I remember several years ago when my family was preparing to leave for church and it was a more complex transition than usual because we had our three young grandchildren staying the weekend with us! The pressure sensation I felt in my neck and shoulders stemmed from having been asked to speak at my church that Sunday about Peacemaking and I really, really liked it when I had lots and lots of spaciousness arriving and setting up when making an offering.
As I walked out to help everyone get in our son’s vehicle (it is large enough for all of us to fit in together) I saw my husband, Richard, doing his best to get the grandchildren all safely into their car-seats. I could hear one of our twin three-year-old grandsons, Andrew, crying out loudly to his Papa, though I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. As I drew close to the vehicle Richard turned to glance at me with confusion and I imagine some overwhelm, as I asked, "What’s going on?"
"I have no idea what he’s saying," he replied as he moved around to the other side of the vehicle to begin buckling in Carter.
I value “enjoying” our children rather than "managing" them and I felt my inner tension began to dissipate as I approached Andrew with a sense of curiosity. His little face was scrunched up, tears were streaming down, he arched his back trying to wiggle out of his seat-belt. I lifted him up out of his seat and stepped away from the vehicle.
Very young children are right-hemisphere dominant; they haven’t developed left hemisphere logic and words to express their feelings. Holding him close, I gazed into his eyes and said, "Andrew, when I see you crying and trying so hard to get out of your car-seat, I’m wondering, are you feeling mad or sad?"
"S-s-s-sad!" He stammered with big emotional intensity.
"Oh, so very sad!" I reflected as I gave him a gentle hug, "Is there something you want Grammy to know?" I empathized.
"Y-yes," he said between stammering sobs,"I c-c-can o-open the d-door m-y-s-s-self!"
"You can open the door all by yourself?"I reflected with joy and awe in my voice and expression.
Seeing calm begin to return to his eyes as they caught mine, he stammered, "Y-y-yes, I can!" I saw the corners of his mouth turn into a slight grin.
"Would you be willing to show grammy?" I asked as I turned pointing toward the vehicle.
"Yes, I am wiwwing!" he grinned wide as he wiped away his tears and took a wavering breath releasing some of his emotional upset.
I set him down on the ground beside the vehicle and watched with wide eyes of wonder as he gripped the door-handle with both hands, pulled up with all his might, sticking out his tongue with exertion. Suddenly, the door popped open! Spontaneously I jumped up and down clapping my hands laughing out loud in celebration, "Yay, Andrew! You can open the door all by yourself! Can you climb in all by yourself too?"
"Yes, I can!" He replied with another grin. I observed his eyes were brighter and his face relaxed as he took in another wavering breath.
"Would you show grammy now?" I asked.
"Yes!" and he pushed the door wide to clamber in, pulling himself up and into the vehicle with stamina.
"Can you get into your car-seat by yourself too?" I wondered out-loud.
"Yes, I can!" he answered with growing enthusiasm. He promptly climbed into his car-seat, sat down with a lift of his chin, as a pleased smile spread on his face.
"Can you even buckle up all by yourself?" I asked with awe in my voice and wide curious eyes.
"Yes!" he responded and proceeded to concentrate seriously on buckling himself in, and he did it!
"Papa!" I cried out with delight, "Look! Andrew did it all by himself!"
"Wow, Andrew," his Papa said with a twinkle in his eye, "You did do it all by yourself!"
"This is so exciting to see you can open the door, Andrew," I ac
Have you ever stopped to consider what you really want for your children? What kind of qualities you would like to see them develop as they grow and mature? When we attune to our children, we promote a healthy secure attachment within them. When we model how to tune in to the self, we also promote a foundation for resilience and flexibility.
I remember looking at the clock when I was getting ready to leave with Rylan for his lab appointment. I felt some alarm begin to ring in my chest as it tightened. Mindfully I slowied down the moment, I noticed I was telling myself we were going to be late. Taking in a deeper breath and breathing it out slowly, I smiled as I recognized and named for myself how much I value making and keeping agreements with others.
Feeling a sense of inner restoration, I called out to Rylan, "It’s time to be going, did you brush your teeth and wash your face?"
"I’m not going!" Rylan said with a determined look as he stood with his feet firmly planted.
I felt my gut clench as I took in his expression, needing trust that connection was possible. I placed my attention on riding the wave of my breath to stay calm while reaching out to embrace him, right where he was standing.
For a few moments I just simply held him in silence while keeping my attention on my breath. When I felt his body relax a bit, I looked into his eyes and jumped right into strategy, asking hopefully, "Do you remember we are going to meet Kelly and the kids at the park as soon as we are done?"
For a second his eyes brightened. Then frowning as if in pain, he pulled away from me and literally fell into the easy chair, grabbing a hold of its arms tightly, "You can’t make me go! I’m not going! I’m not going! You’re forcing me!"
Hearing the desperate edge to his voice and seeing the terror in his eyes, I dropped to my knees by his chair and gently stroked the hair back from his eyes as I empathized, "Oh sweetheart, are you frightened to go? Are you needing trust that the injection won’t hurt and that you will be safe?"
Tearfully he nodded, "Yes," as he released his death-grip on the arm-chair a little.
Making another guess, I asked, "Is it that you’d really like more choice around getting ready to go and what it’s going to look like when you do go?"
"Uh-huh," he sniffed, as a big tear rolled down his cheek.
"Oh, come here and let me give you a big snuggle," I said as I reached out to envelop him in a loving embrace and gently rock him back and forth until I felt his body relax and heard his breathing deepen. "You feeling a little better now?" I asked as I kissed his forehead.
"A little," he said quietly.
Continuing to hold him close, I reflected, "I’m remembering the last time we went in for your injection. What was it, again, that the nurse said we could come in early for?"
Watching his eyes as he began to remember, I saw them light up as he caught my gaze. "That I could get a numbing cream so it won’t hurt!"
"Yes, that’s what she said, isn’t it!" I agreed with a grin. "Is there anything else you can think of that you’d like to take with you or might need?"
"Can I take my blanket Ashley made me?"
"You really know you matter when her blanket of love is wrapped around you, don’t you! I like that idea." I assured him, "Anything else?"
"Just you, Mom, I want you to stay close to me, okay?"
"Oh, sweetheart," I felt my heart melt as I witnessed my son’s resilient spirit. "I’m right here, and I’ll do my best to stay right beside you the whole time.”
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 162]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#secureattachment #resiliency #trust #choice #security #attunement #parenti
I like to keep a gratitude journal, and the other day I was looking back over one of my very first journals that I started right after I first started learning nonviolent communication. I decided to share it with you today. It’s called reflecting on times that felt tough.
What I used to do was use what is called OFNR, observation, feeling, need and request. I did my best to reflect on each one of those steps. I really wanted to have more ease, peace and harmony, especially in relationship with my youngest son. I find it fascinating to go back and see where I was all those years ago.
O - My observation was: I really wanted to go to church this morning with my family...I tried to help Rylan get ready for Sunday School and it went downhill fast. I get so tired of needing to wait. I’m confused how to help him move forward out of being stuck. He uses such a loud voice, calls names progressively more violent, then explodes. Out of frustration I mirror him which escalates the whole scene to worse than ever. We called each other names, it got very hurtful, I felt such a time pressure. I told myself things, "We’re going to be late. He always has to have his way. Here he goes again. I am so tired of this. He needs to hurry up. He doesn’t listen to me. No one is going to like him. No one will want him to be at Sunday School. I am embarrassed when he talks loud and mean to me in front of others. I have to make him stop being like this. He is so mean and disrespectful. I don’t like him when he acts like this. I can’t do this. This is too hard. I want to run away - leave - never come back. HELP ME!!!"
F - My feeling: I feel calmer now having gotten that much out. I feel deep sadness.
N - My need: What does he need when he yells loudly and gets so angry?
I need calm, peace, harmony, positive regard, consideration, respect, fun, joy, relaxation, energy, order, acceptance, understanding.
He flip-flops - explosive anger - sad - sorry - sweet - explosive anger - sad - disconnected - explosive - sad - etc.
He wants to stay home (autonomy)
He wants to play (play)
I had a mental "list" of all I "needed" to do to be ready for the week.
R - My Request: I choose to slow down, to take time today, this moment, to connect with Rylan. To be home, to play while I clean and include him. I choose to listen to him, enjoy him and love him just the way he is with acceptance and seek to understand him and seek to hear his needs with empathy.
This meets my need for interdependence, play, order, harmony, love, celebration and autonomy.
Reflecting back over those days they seem so timeless, both so long ago and just like yesterday. Just now I take in a deep breath and acknowledge how far Rylan and I have come and how much we have learned and integrated over the last 22 years. And I so greatly value those first glimpses of seeing the beauty through that dense fog of confusion and pain. The gift of experiencing being stretched beyond my inner limitations and finding our way to discover something no one can ever take from me, or Rylan. Pure unconditional love and acceptance, of self and of others.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 161]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#Observation #Feeling #Need #Request #OFNR #NonviolentCommunication #feelingsandneeds #unconditionallove #acceptance #parenting
Do you take the time to reflect on your relationship with your loved ones? What influences our feelings, perceptions, and behaviors as evolving human beings? Are you consciously creating a nurturing environment where safety and trust influence the activation of genes and sculpt the structure of the brain?
The genes that children inherit influence their development and shape the inborn characteristics of their nervous systems. Their experiences also directly shape their development and influence which genes are activated. Relationships that provide contingency (responses to other’s signals with a quality, intensity, and timing which clearly reflect the signals that were sent), especially when emotions are heightened, offer our loved ones repeated experiences where they feel connected, understood and protected.
I noticed when homeschooling my son, Rylan, that rather than sharing a mutual sense of interest and wonder as we focused on learning, Rylan would shut down and then change the subject! I would feel tight tension, become rigid, and very intent on my specific strategy to provide the foundation necessary for his learning to take place. When I insisted on continuing with my focus, he would explode with anger and then literally fall asleep.
Mystified, I took the time to slow everything down inside myself, and noticed I had an underlying inner story I was running in the background - I was telling myself that my strategy was the only one available!
This repeated experience created a very relationally stressful environment for my son. His body and brain quickly became accustomed to high levels of cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, chemicals the adrenal glands pump out when we are stressed, which influenced him to feel threatened and very unsafe.
High levels of cortisol can cause us to feel overwhelmed and fearful, coloring our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions with a sense of dread, as if everything we need to do is way too hard. Epinephrine and norepinephrine can strongly affect our mood, telling our liver to release glucose, our heart to pump faster, fat stores to release fat, and our muscles to mobilize energy stores. When strongly activated, rather than helping us feel alert with clear thinking, just like cortisol, they cause us to feel anxious or angry or both! We can become intensely focused on real or imagined threats and we move into a hyperarousal state, activating our fight or flight impulses of aggression or withdrawal and avoidance.
I am forever grateful I could call my empathy buddy for support. By getting support I was able to hold a part of myself that was desperate to be seen with warmth and compassionate understanding.
As an adolescent, I had such a hard time learning how to form healthy relationships with my peers. This part of myself was still stuck in hopelessness that it was possible to connect creatively with pre-teens and have fun with learning! What a relief it was just to touch base with this old story and begin to glimpse the beautiful needs underneath. When I sank into this moment, letting all the sensations, inner pictures and sounds float by, I felt my body soften and my stomach relax, as I willingly let go and the story unraveled and dissipated.
When we are held with attuned resonant empathy, our bodies, emotions, and states of mind come into balance, and we are able to attain a sense of integration internally and feel connected in our relationships with others. Our brain’s neurochemicals, opioids and oxytocin, are activated in combination, and we can experience the deepest sense of calm and contentment and develop the capacity to remain open-hearted to life. These chemicals can only be activated in the brain through warm human connection.
The next day when my son was giving me a good morning hug, he asked, "Mom, can I do Sim Social first?"
I smiled into his eyes while giving him an affectionate squeeze, and said, "Absolutely!"
His eyes widened with surprise, and
Do you have a close friend you enjoy spending time with? I remember when my close friend, Jenn, was planning to come visit us after we’d moved, with her two boys, Mason, who was 8, and Isaac who was 6. I was so excited to connect with her in person and just to hang out together again.
I also remembered some of Mason and Rylan’s relational growing pains and a little anxiety crept into my awareness. My window of tolerance felt really stretched when I perceived disharmony between our sons. It found it painful and confusing how to stay self-connected when the unexpected happened, especially when I was looking forward to what I’d planned and it would get interrupted.
I put a lot of thought into how I might engage with the boys differently if something unexpected happened. I recognized a post-hearsal opportunity for myself. A post-hearsal enables us to shape our experience of ourselves in the world by using conscious, reflective, autobiographical awareness, as well as conscious awareness in the here and now.
I sat in a self-reflective state, and remembered a specific experience I’d had with the boys that I had perceived as intense. Simultaneously, I consciously noticed my internal state (interoception), while remaining open to any images that arose in my mind.
I remembered hearing Rylan cry out in a loud voice, "He won’t listen to me!" and saw him falling to the floor while Mason and Isaac ran to hide behind their Mom. As I remembered this, my stomach clenched just like it did the first time it happened, and my body curled inward in resistance and fear.
I slowed down my inner process and touched into a part of my mind that felt blinded by a piercing light. I heard a ringing tone in my ears. As I witnessed myself begin to freeze in a state of confusion and panic, I heard my own thoughts, "I have to do something right away so everything will be safe, but I can’t think!"
As I sat with this experience, I gently acknowledged to myself how much I desire to stay present and open to life, especially in the midst of unexpected intensity. I held this new insight and again sank into my bodily sensations. This time I imagined myself meeting Rylan in this reflection with curiosity, warmth, and acceptance.
My stomach relaxed, my heart opened and felt warm, and as I smiled my shoulders released tension I hadn’t even known I was holding. Wow, it felt fresh and strong, like some solid ground under my feet. I drew in a deep breath to anchor a sense of strength within me, then let my breath back out slowly.
Deliberately I shifted my attention and imagined Rylan’s expression of distress with his friends. I felt a shift in my belly, like a new sense of possibility awakening around how to communicate with the children with an open heart.
I leaned slightly forward, towards my inner image of them, with a present and accepting state of awareness, and imagined reflecting back to Rylan with curiosity, "He won’t listen to you?" I saw the possibility of our eyes meeting as new neural pathways were laid down for collaborative, contingent communication and trusted a new connection would be possible.
Collaborative, contingent communication allows us to expand our sense of self. As we feel connected to our children, we can become more receptive to them.
A contingent response is when the quality, intensity, and timing of the signals we send clearly reflect the other’s signals. My response to Rylan is not just a mirror of his signals but it incorporates the essence of my presence (silent empathy - nonverbal communication, occasionally words) which makes sense of his communication. In this way, children begin to feel felt (needs to be seen, heard, and understood.)
Through this co-creative process, children begin to construct both social knowledge and an understanding of the self that cannot be created outside of relationship. They begin to experience that they are not alone in the world, because their sense of self is connected to something
Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? Wanted it so badly it consumes all your thoughts throughout the day as you picture what it would look like over and over in your mind - so that you don’t even notice or appreciate where you are? Well, I learned that’s where I spent a lot of my energy in my life with my son, Rylan, and I hadn’t realized it.
Let me share a story with you. I remember when Rylan led me with closed eyes to his bedroom door. He threw the door wide open so I could see as he said. "Surprise, Mommy! You can look now!"
"Wow, Rylan!" I exclaimed with utter amazement, I’m feeling slightly stunned here, you’ve cleaned and organized your bedroom completely by yourself, AND, you are super happy about it! This is a delightful surprise!"
"You know," I paused to look into his eyes, "I want to acknowledge right here, right now, just how big it is that you cleaned and organized your room today independently. As a matter of fact," I continued, "I have been noticing several ways you have been taking the initiative to show up around here: feeding and watering the animals, taking out the garbage, cleaning up after meals, reading books in your room. Something’s way different around here! I feel a little in awe taking it all in, Rylan. It means so very much to me to see you engaging in life this way. I’m curious, are you noticing differences in your body?"
Pausing a moment to reflect, he answered with a grin, "I am happy now!"
This is a moment, for me, which stands still in time forever.
After witnessing his struggle for years to engage in the simplest things, like putting on socks and shoes, brushing teeth, combing hair, or running errands. I dreamt of finding a way to support his ability to feel good in his own body, to feel calm and happy when needing to transition from one activity to the next, and for his friendship circle to grow. I truly believed this dream could become a reality. My vision was focused and fine-tuned, and I envisioned myself as his biggest advocate. What I didn’t notice were the limiting beliefs narrowing my perspective or the subtle pressures I put on my son to change, to be different than he was.
I was helped in beginning to understand this after we moved to the Spokane area and we had more resources and support for our family, especially for Rylan. I remember feeling thrilled meeting new contacts and agencies that really "got" what it’s like to have lived in isolation from a sense of community.
The experience of being out in the world brought me new realizations. I remember the first time I took Rylan to what I hoped would be our new Spiritual family (unconsciously bubbling over inside with expectations of "coming home" and belonging.”) As the service began with music being played by a band at the front, Rylan and I stood up with everyone else to sing. Suddenly, Rylan jerked away from my side and sat down abruptly, hunching down. With his head on his lap and his hands over his ears, he trembled in sensory overload. I remember moving to hold him, feeling my heart sink, and hearing my own despairing thought, "I just want to belong to a warm caring community! It’s just not going to work no matter where we go."
As I sat, consciously holding myself with care, giving myself empathy and support for my disappointment and tapping into my body sensations, the next moment was like a kaleidoscope of stored images of my son passing through my awareness. As time stood still for me, I saw my son’s heart, experiencing life right where he was, right here, right now, in sensory overload, needing support and to know he matters in the world. And this heart of mine expanded to a new depth of love where possibility flowers and I was able to see, hear, and feel things from a new and more expansive perspective.
I saw the courage it takes, being willing to show up in the world as vulnerable as you truly are, with no pretense, no illusions, or hidden agendas. What my son modeled for me on that day
I remember when Rylan told me about his fears in the night. He said, ”I just get so scared! If I wake up and you aren’t there I think you are dead!"
"I’m hearing just how scared you feel when you wake up and think I’m dead because you can’t see me," I reflected, "you really like it when you know I’m okay and you aren’t alone?" I guessed.
"Yeah," Rylan’s eyes widened as he continued, "but I get so scared my stomach hurts and it terrifies me! I want it to stop and I don’t know what to do."
"So you feel so scared your stomach hurts and it’s terrifying? You really want it to stop; yet don’t know what to do? I’m guessing you might like some support and new tools maybe?" I reflected with an empathy guess.
Rylan nodded and leaned towards me slightly. Taking in his nonverbal cues, I drew in a deep breath to ground myself, then asked, "Do you remember the tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) we did together when you were six years old?"
"Yeah, I stopped biting my nails then didn’t I!" he answered excitedly, "If we do the tapping again will that help my fear too?"
"Are you willing to try it now and see how it supports you? This is something you can do anytime, anywhere, whenever you need support." I responded.
We proceeded to sink into several rounds of tapping while I named his experience out loud in the first person. After which I asked, "How does your tummy feel now?"
Placing his hand on his tummy he paused before responding with awe in his voice, "My tummy doesn’t hurt."
Giving him a big warm smile I acknowledged, "Wow, you are developing so many tools to support yourself in the moment. I celebrate how you are able to seek support when you need it!"
He smiled, and then with tears building up in his eyes said, "Yeah, but other kids my age are able to do a lot more school work than me."
"Aw, is it that you like to be included, especially with kids your age? And maybe wishing you had more power in your world? Would you just love to do and be anything you want to do or be right now?"
He nodded as he wiped away his tears.
"Well, I’m moved to some self-expression here son. You see, I’m not worried about that at all. You are doing some serious foundation work in your life. Do you remember why you are willing to do all this work?" *
"So I can calm myself and not feel overwhelmed by my sensory and feel happier?" Rylan answered seeking affirmation.
"Absolutely!" I affirmed, "And, once your foundation is solid you are going to soar wherever your interests take you and I’ll be right alongside to support you. Now, are you ready to let me give you a great big Mommy-hug?!"
Shifting our focus back to the present moment, as if on cue, Rylan’s eyes opened and connecting with my gaze offered me a gorgeous big smile saying, "Good morning, Mommy, I love you!"
How satisfying it has been to witness my son’s journey in life interweaving with my own. By establishing the firm foundation necessary for secure-attachment we were both empowered to experience that it is possible to learn to welcome the Three R’s, which are; Resistance, Rupture and Repair while holding both our self and one another with love and acceptance.
When Rylan was moving through this integrative time in his life, he wanted other kids who struggled with sensory or learning difficulties to know that the work he did with audiblox, the Integrated Listening System, and intuitive tapping really helped him.
Reach out if you want more information about these supportive resources at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 157]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#resistance #rupture #repair #secureattachment #EFT #Emotion
How do you foster relationship within yourself and with others? What is your first thought upon waking or before falling asleep at the end of the day? Do you greet yourself with kindness upon waking, taking the time to imagine your upcoming day with curiosity? At the end of the day, do you take time to reflect and celebrate the moments that went well and to mourn and repair those moments that were difficult? How do you greet your loved ones "Good morning" and say "Good night" before they go to bed?
I have been intentional to take time every morning and night to reflect and ponder these questions surrounding relationships and discovered with some delight and fascination how this practice unfolded in my relationship with my youngest son.
I remember waking up as a child hearing my Dad downstairs singing, "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day..." and as I came down the stairs he would greet me with a cheerful smile, "Good morning, sunshine!" Waking to this familiar routine as a child brought a smile to my face and established within me a pattern of greeting I brought forward with my own children, consistently greeting them each with a warm hug saying, "Good morning, sunshine!"
When my youngest child, Rylan, began crying out at an early age with night terrors, my own internal system became hypervigilant to respond as quickly as possible, trying with the best of intentions to comfort and soothe him. Yet because I felt anxious and tense, my system released stress chemicals and Rylan was not soothed. As his dysregulation increased and was expressed not only in the night, but in the daytime, again my internal system was knocked way off balance as I felt increasingly startled and overwhelmed with stress and confusion, thinking to myself, "Why is this happening? The other kids didn’t do this! Have I done something wrong? I don’t know what to do!"
Fortunately, as I desperately searched for resources, I discovered NonViolent Communication and Interpersonal Neurobiology, which provides a refreshing new way to make sense of difficult experiences without making either myself or my son "wrong."
As I sought support to integrate this new information and way of being, I discovered relationships that are enduring, where I continue to be held with lots of compassionate understanding and resonant empathy for what my internal experience is like not only as a mother, but as the unique person that I am. This is my grounding; when I learn to meet myself with compassion right where I am in the moment, I discover how to stay present with my son and others in a radically new way.
The natural hormones and neurochemicals that we have in our bodies and brains not only create a sense of balance within us, they also enable us to thrive. Choosing to pause and self-connect, with care and kindness, activates opioids and oxytocin in our brain, which produces a calm and contented state of being and opens access to creativity and possibility within ourselves.
When we in turn repeatedly greet our children and other loved ones with kindness and warmth, they will experience oxytocin and opioids becoming dominate in their brain and start to greet the world with interest and wonder, rather than with a sense of fear and threat.
With Rylan I established a ritual when waking him or tucking him in at night. I would take a moment to self-connect to my heart energy, give him a warm embrace, and then gently stroked his forehead, saying, "Blessings of pure love and light to you, Rylan."
Attachment research highlights the importance of the parent-child relationship in laying down the foundation for how a child will come to approach the world and develop relationships with others in the future. Those moments when parents take time, with their words and actions matching, to show their children how much they are loved, and that their lives hold great meaning and purpose, directly affect a child’s ability to form a secure attachment with them.
Stress is insidious. As aware as our culture may seem to be about stress interrupting our ability to enjoy life, I wonder how many people truly understand the importance of attuning to the emotional subtleties of stress in order for it to dissipate.
My husband and I noticed that when our son, Rylan, started kindergarten at age five, he would cling to me when separating. When I returned, he initially greeted me with desperate relief until we were on our way home. Then in the car he expressed loud, angry outbursts of energy, and I needed to pull over to the side of the road to gently hold and soothe him repeatedly. I remember feeling shock, shame, and confusion in my own body, mystified by the perplexing rages my son experienced when transitioning.
Over time I learned that when we perceive danger in our environment, the way a child does when separating from a parent, the lack of safety amps up a gradual stress response that affects the whole body. When we feel safe, we can be calm: we can self-soothe and engage with our environment. As soon as we start to experience our world as dangerous, our sympathetic-adrenal system mobilizes us for fight and flight behaviors. While we often interpret anger negatively, it is actually a positive response, supplying energy to overcome an obstacle.
When we perceive there is no hope of safety, for example when a child perceives the parent is lost from them, our primitive state of alarmed aloneness in our parasympathetic responds. This is a state of pure life preservation with no extra energy available. Studies show that the emotional responses of sadness and shame are associated with problems in coping and reflect a perceived lack of control over the situation.
Children who show up differently, like Rylan did, may have nervous systems that repeatedly respond to experiences others perceive as neutral with a neuroception of danger or life threat.
As they experience this shift within their system, they move through the branches of the vagal nerve, and under highly stressed situations there is an oscillation between the sympathetic-adrenal system (fight) and the dorsal vagal (freeze) that exhibits itself as rage. This creates a state of extreme physiological stress, similar to the strain on a vehicle when both the gas and brake pedals are slammed on at the same time.
It is important to note the distinction between anger and rage: rage is more intense, the behaviors are not directed towards overcoming an obstacle, and the absence of control is reflected. Until the neuroception of safety (which is perceived below the level of conscious awareness) begins to be restored, these children simply are unable to connect with others to regulate their system. Because children’s autonomic nervous systems are still maturing, they need sustained interpersonal connection to find and maintain a neuroception of safety.
A research study called the "Infant Strange Situation" revealed that one-year-olds who didn’t cry for their Mommy when she left the room had equally high levels of stress hormones (cortisol) to those who did. At this young age they had already learned hopelessness and moved into the shutdown system. Yet, because they do not appear to be upset, they are unlikely to receive the emotional response they need when experiencing stress. This can become a pattern for people of all ages, not just one-year-olds.
Studies show that if a child’s need for comfort is not met with emotional responsiveness and soothing, the autonomic nervous system, over time, can become wired for bodily hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Your child needs you, or those they is with, to be emotionally responsive to regulate their system. When we are soothed by another person, we start to build a nest of neurons that cradle the amygdala, our emotional alarm system, and we learn how to soothe ourselves. As children begin to integrate both social awareness and self-compassion, they begin to have more choice as they move ou
Birthday celebrations. What images come to mind hearing those words just now? Do you remember looking forward to celebrating your special day as a child, or are there clouded memories of disappointment? For years our son, Rylan, began anticipating his birthday celebration right after the Christmas holidays. Typically when that magical day arrived, his nervous system was wound so tight with expectations, the slightest disappointment would trigger the aroused sympathetic branch of his system into acute distress.
As distress levels build up in children, a hormonal chain reaction is set in motion and their bodies are primed for action. High levels of stress hormones wash over the brain and body, and there is a withdrawal of the chemicals that promote feelings of well-being, the pain circuits in the brain are activated, just as they would be if the child were hurt physically.
I remember previous years when upon hearing that his friend could not come to his celebration; Rylan would instantly fall to the ground. Curling up in despair, he would loudly emit distraught cries of grief and strong, broken emotional language. I would quickly move to his side to offer him words of resonance, "Such big disappointment, really looking forward to having fun and celebrating with everyone?"
When we attune to another person’s primary emotional state, through the sharing of nonverbal signals, a beautiful thing happens: resonance occurs. With this joining of two minds, a state of alignment is created where two people experience "feeling felt" by the other.
This magical connection allows our primary emotions to become intimately influenced by the mind of the other person as we connect with their primary emotional state. We continue to feel the connection to the other through resonance; which is experienced as memories, thoughts, sensations, and images of the other and our relationship.
When I was with Rylan, I noticed there was a sharp pain in my gut, so I intentionally self-connected my internal experience with the calm the comes from compassion. So, in the midst of my child becoming fearful, his seeking circuits would attune with the calming warmth of contingent contact in that moment of overwhelm. This activated his systems for bonding and care.
Back to my story with Rylan and his disappointment, ”Yes!” he cried out, "he promised he would be here, he promised!"
"You really love it when you can count on things happening predictably and easy," I made an empathy guess and gently stroked his forehead, supporting the release of the soothing chemical, oxytocin, which also invited his system to come back into balance.
When we comfort a screaming child it activates his vagus nerve, which belongs to the parasympathetic branch of his nervous system, making it possible for him to slow down and relax. The more responsive and attuned you are to your child, the greater the regulation of his body arousal systems will become, especially with consistent repeated experiences.
So a couple of years later, when I received the news that two of his friends and one of his sisters would not be able to attend his celebration, my husband and I prepared to once again offer all the calming warmth possible with hopes that his special day would be the best it could be. We instead witnessed an amazing difference in our son’s experience as he took in this hugely disappointing information.
His head dropped and his body folded over slightly, as his eyes and face revealed his deep disappointment. Then, taking a deep breath, he straightened back up. Meeting my eyes with a look of concern he said. "Man, they must feel really disappointed; I know they were really looking forward to getting to come. Can I give them a call and talk with them?"
Wow! What an amazing difference! As I remember that moment in time now, I recognize how as I consistently offered empathy and presence in relationship with my son, new neural pathways were being made; stronger connections
How do you respond to signals of irritation or stress from someone you barely know? Do you notice a different reaction if the signals are from someone you feel close to? What about when they come from your child? The ways a parent interacts with their child can have a dramatic impact on how the child’s brain forges connections to adapt to the environment they find themselves in.
I remember when I shared my own internal responses after I saw a furrow between my youngest daughter’s eyes several years ago. Let me take you on a little journey now, and share how things unfolded a little later on that day in relationship with her.
After we returned home from an outing with the grandkids, and we put the them down for their naps, I noticed a subtle shift in my daughter’s stance. She was standing tall, with her shoulders braced back, and the furrow had returned to crease her brow. "What’s up?" I asked as I sat on the couch.
"Why aren’t you putting Rylan into public school?" she asked pointedly.
"Homeschooling supports his style of learning and really works for him," I replied. I felt the familiar tension begin at the nape of my neck, and consciously breathed into the sensation, silently naming to myself how much I enjoy ease and mutual understanding.
"Well, he needs socialization, Mom," she said with passion, "He’s getting older and needs to be doing things for himself. You can’t be doing everything for him all the time. He’s got to grow up and do things for himself to be successful in life!"
Time stood still for just a moment, in my mind’s eye, and in that moment I really got that I did not need to defend anything I was choosing to do for her baby brother. I also really got that I did not need to educate her so that she would "get it." In that moment what I "really got" was that here was my little girl whom I love with all my heart - here was an opportunity for me to hear and resonate with her heart right where she is in this moment! To hear what meaning she is making in life and to connect with what she holds dear.
I did my best to respond by meeting her energy with care."You really want your brother to succeed in life and have the tools he needs to do things for himself, don’t you?" I acknowledged.
"Of course I do!" her eyes widened as she continued, "He’s going to need that to be able to go to college and make a life for himself. I know because that’s what I’m doing now and it’s been hard on me. He needs to start doing things for himself so it won’t be so hard for him later on."
"It has really opened your eyes to be aware of a lot of new things, to go away to college, hasn’t it?"
"Yeah, it has, and I’ve talked with my professors at college about Rylan, and he needs structure and discipline right now."
"You really care deeply for your little brother and want to be sure he has all the resources he needs to develop and live a full and meaningful life?" I reflected, connecting to the underlying needs I guessed were present.
Her face softened, her posture relaxed, and she moved to sit in the easy chair across from me. At that point I saw something had shifted within her, and she began to pour her heart out to me about all the many things that she had been holding inside. What it has been like for her to live so far away from home, how the student body had become like a family to her, how meaningful it was to have a mentor, how stressful it is to transfer and join a new student body, and how much she worries about and loves her baby brother. She continued to speak, and for an hour and a half together I continued to listen deeply and reflect what I heard her say, co-creating her coherent narrative.
Everything a child experiences with a parent will forge connections between the cells in the prefrontal cortex. The flow of emotional energy and information from your brain to your child’s brain and from your body to your child’s body have a direct and powerful impact on their key emotional and arousal systems. Whe
What kind of relationship do you currently have with your child? When you think about your relationship, what happens in your body? Do you experience an opening within or a sense of contraction?
I remember when one of my daughters and I spent a whole day together caring for my three youngest grandchildren. We got to take them on an outing for one of their friend’s birthday parties. During lunch the children asked me for more Cheetos. When I gave one to them, I noticed a furrow between my daughter’s eyes as she watched me.
My internal alarm system rang a muted danger signal, and I noticed my heart rate increased, my chests tightened, and tension began to form at the base of my neck. With intention, I slowed down my inner experience, welcomed the sensations. I breathed into them as I acknowledged to myself that when I am being watched closely I feel nervous, uncertain and worried - so very much wanting relaxation, to have fun, closeness and a shared joy, especially in relationship with this daughter of mine I rarely saw.
I remember breathing into my heart’s desire, I felt a small lump in my throat as I named how much I have missed a sense of closeness with her since she moved away. My shoulders relaxed their held tension as I released just the sense of "wanting," and I came back to the solid ground of my held intention to have a relationship with all of my children, that is one of unconditional love and presence. At that moment I felt a budding curiosity about my daughter’s experience and wondered if she was holding some concern for the children’s well-being close to her heart.
We all experience struggles with being able to move into a space of welcoming relationships with the children we love, especially when we find ourselves in a sea of uncertainty.
This welcoming exercise enabled me to smile each time I would catch her eyes, to smile with all the warmth and love my heart could offer, while remaining engaged with a sense of curiosity and wonder as we spent time together. Her brow slowly relaxed, her eyes became quizzical, and then lo and behold, she smiled back.
As I continue this journey of learning to consistently welcome my own experience, I find my relationships with others deepening exponentially.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 152]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#parenting #grandparenting #love #acceptance #relationships #selfawareness #bodyawareness
Do you have dreams for your children? What nature of character would you like to see them acquire? Children learn what’s important to us and what we value by living with us and observing the outward expressions of our character. They remember, imitate, and recreate these ways of being in the world. When I intentionally take time to learn ways of being that are rooted in compassionate self-understanding I am also taking an important step in an unfolding process that supports my children to know themselves.
I remember experiencing the beauty of this with one of my grandsons when he was two-years-old. My three grandchildren were visiting, Rylan and I had a fun and busy morning with them. We put together puzzles, read and told stories, shared pretend play in the play-room, and observed Uncle Rylan’s frog, Mr. Ed.
When I noticed lunchtime was drawing near, I brought out the color books and crayons and asked, "Would anyone like to color while Grammy works in the kitchen?" All three exclaimed, "Yeah!" And they happily scampered to the table and began coloring.
As I started pulling out food to prepare, both Andrew and Carter’s eyes opened wide. They slid off their chairs and began scooting them across the floor towards me. Andrew asked, "Me help Grammy?" to which Carter replied, frowning towards his brother, "No, me help Grammy!" Smiling, I reached to help them both move the chairs safely to the counter, I said, "We can all help each other!" As they climbed up onto the chairs, I saw my vitamins and supplements might be within reach and pushed them back into the corner out of the way.
What followed was a comedy in cooking! We had a grand time taking turns pushing and pulling on the rolling pin carrying on a conversation I was hard pressed to follow. As I engaged with them, I found myself marveling at the way they communicated with each other and with me; sharing attention, using reciprocity, and resonating with one another’s emotional expressions. However, when they would repeat for the third or fourth time the same thing to Grammy, I found it extremely helpful to ask my four-year-old granddaughter for a translation!
After about 15-20 minutes, I noticed cooking was taking much longer with all the help I was getting! My energy began to run low, and I noticed I was taking deep breathes more and more often. I paused to glance about the room for support, my eyes landed on the television. "How about a short Winnie the Pooh movie while Grammy finishes up in the kitchen?" I asked.
"Yeah!" Hannah and Andrew, squealed with delight, they were quick to follow Uncle Rylan into the next room to sit on the couch, ready to watch the movie. I looked over to see if Carter was coming, I saw him stretching over the counter to pick up one of my supplement bottles. Automatically, I snatched it out of his hand and quickly picked him up, setting him on the floor and saying, "No, thank you, Carter, Grammy puts these up for safety! You want to go sit with Uncle and watch Winnie the Pooh?"
"No!" Carter exclaimed. I looked at him closer and saw his eyes were suddenly brimming with tears, his jaw was set, and his lower lip was pouting.
I squatted down beside him, reached out to touch his shoulder, and asked, "Are you feeling sad?"
Pulling back to cross his arms in front of him, his face reddened as the tears spilled over. With some effort he answered loudly, "No! Mad! Me mad!"
I felt my own face reflecting the surprise I was feeling, "Oh! You feel mad? Is that it?" I asked.
"Yes!" he answered insistently, as his tears got bigger.
"Grammy’s sorry, Carter, is there more you would like me to hear?" I asked gently.
His eyes widened slightly as he nodded and turned, pointing to the supplements, "I put back! No take away, Grammy!"
"You were putting the bottle away and didn’t like Grammy taking it from you? You like to do it all by yourself, is that it?" expanding my reflection to acknowledge his needs for autonomy and choice.
"Yes! I
Do you ever feel afraid at night? I know I have, and as a child it was a variety of things at night that I was afraid of. It can be different for everyone.
I remember when Rylan told me about his fears in the night. It was around 10-years ago, he said, ”I just get so scared! If I wake up and you aren’t there I think you are dead!"
"I’m hearing just how scared you feel when you wake up and think I’m dead because you can’t see me," I reflected, "you really like it when you know I’m okay and you aren’t alone?" I guessed.
"Yeah," Rylan’s eyes widened as he continued, "but I get so scared my stomach hurts and it terrifies me! I want it to stop and I don’t know what to do."
"So you feel so scared your stomach hurts and it’s terrifying? You really want it to stop; yet don’t know what to do? I’m guessing you might like some support and new tools maybe?" I reflected with an empathy guess.
Rylan nodded and leaned towards me slightly. Taking in his nonverbal cues, I drew in a deep breath to ground myself, then asked, "Do you remember the tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) we did together when you were six years old?"
"Yeah, I stopped biting my nails then didn’t I!" he answered excitedly, "If we do the tapping again will that help my fear too?"
"Are you willing to try it now and see how it supports you? This is something you can do anytime, anywhere, whenever you need support." I responded.
We proceeded to sink into several rounds of tapping while I named his experience out loud in the first person. After which I asked, "How does your tummy feel now?"
Placing his hand on his tummy he paused before responding with awe in his voice, "My tummy doesn’t hurt."
Giving him a big warm smile I acknowledged, "Wow, you are developing so many tools to support yourself in the moment. I celebrate how you are able to seek support when you need it!"
He smiled, and then with tears building up in his eyes said, "Yeah, but other kids my age are able to do a lot more school work than me."
"Aw, is it that you like to be included, especially with kids your age? And maybe wishing you had more power in your world? Would you just love to do and be anything you want to do or be right now?"
He nodded as he wiped away his tears.
"Well, I’m moved to some self-expression here son. You see, I’m not worried about that at all. You are doing some serious foundation work in your life. Do you remember why you are willing to do all this work?" *
"So I can calm myself and not feel overwhelmed by my sensory and feel happier?" Rylan answered seeking affirmation.
"Absolutely!" I affirmed, "And, once your foundation is solid you are going to soar wherever your interests take you and I’ll be right alongside to support you. Now, are you ready to let me give you a great big Mommy-hug?!"
Shifting our focus back to the present moment, as if on cue, Rylan’s eyes opened and connecting with my gaze offered me a gorgeous big smile saying, "Good morning, Mommy, I love you!"
How satisfying it has been to witness my son’s journey in life interweaving with my own. By establishing the firm foundation necessary for secure-attachment we were both empowered to experience that it is possible to learn to welcome the Three R’s, which are; Resistance, Rupture and Repair while holding both our self and one another with love and acceptance.
When Rylan was moving through this integrative time in his life, he wanted other kids who struggled with sensory or learning difficulties to know that the work he did with audiblox, the Integrated Listening System, and intuitive tapping really helped him.
Reach out if you want more information about these supportive resources at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
Have you ever woken up early in the morning with a million thoughts racing through your head? And each thought is telling you what you should be doing, or better yet, telling you what you should already have done? Well, I remember when that was my experience one morning!
I was telling myself, "You need to get up now, before Rylan wakes up, so you can write your newsletter?" "Hurry, before you run out of time!" "You were supposed to already have published your newsletter, hurry up!" "And don’t forget to update your website." "Remember to create those new seminars while you are at it." "You really need to spend time connecting with the horses at least three times a week." "You ought to spend more time with your friend before she leaves." "Don’t forget to plant seeds in the green house today." As the thoughts sped up I had the sensation that a balloon was about to burst within my chest.
I recognized my familiar thought-life and paused deliberately. I took a deep cleansing breath, and smiled as I welcomed my felt experience and then released my breath. These intentional responses invited my inner state of resistance to shift from its heightened alert to sink into an atmosphere of being welcomed right where I was, in this moment of time, into a relaxed state of self-acceptance that is always within me, always here, always now.
I remember turning to gaze upon my sleeping son, and reflected on the last incredible month of life with him. As I lay there all snuggly warm, I chose to take the time to greet any sensation, thoughts, emotions, or images that would float into my awareness. Images and thoughts around the new sound therapy Rylan had begun bubbled up. I recognized his usual pattern, when faced with the unexpected, of shifting quite quickly into an automatic "fight" response had shifted to a transparent "fear" response.
I saw then, just how vital it was for me, as a parent, to be willing to provide the ABC’s of attachment for my son. Which are; attunement, balance, and coherence.
He would become so frightened if I was unexpectedly gone from his sight. So, I decided to remain present with him, as he transitioned from sleeping to waking. And I silently celebrated my new awareness that nothing was more important.
When I consciously slowed down to attune, connect, and communicate with Rylan we could co-create a secure attachment between us, as well as lay a strong foundation for healthy growth and development. This is how he has been supported to make meaning of his sense of self and enabled to develop a coherent narrative about his life.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today, Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 149]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#secureattachment #iLs #IntegratedListeningSystems #soundtherapy #emotions #attunementbalance #coherence #attachment #fearresponse #presence #empathy #power
Do you remember what you thought about parenting when you were a young adult? Did you have an opinion about what makes a "good parent" or how kids "should" be raised? Did you have any ideas that were different from the way you were brought up?
I remember saying, as a young expectant mother, "I’m never going to yell at my kids, I’m going to listen to them and pay attention to them. I’m going to be a good mother." Needless to say, I have experienced surprise at my own behavior when I have reacted more harshly than I ever thought I would to my children. How could this happen when I said I would never behave this way?
My fierce love for my children has always been a focal point throughout my life; the intensity of this strong emotion has been an anchor for me to the high-road state of mind.
By high-road I am referring to our ability to have choice about how we act and our ability to choose our long-term goals for our children’s well-being over short-term goals like quiet or ease. This is different from being driven by our emotions or unconscious memories, and different from a knee-jerk reaction in service of those short-term goals: the low-road.
I have had a tendency to be catapulted into the low-road in situations I perceive as confusing and stressful. Finding my way in the midst of those moments, and continuing to choose my child, continuing to reach out for an attuned connection within the relationship with this other being, is to trust it is not only possible to connect, but that with faith when we let go we find out we are already connected. This is my life’s work.
When we feel stressed in relationship with our children, we may experience becoming flooded by intense emotions, such as sadness, fear, or rage. These emotions can result in inflexibility further impairing our ability to think clearly or maintain an attuned emotional connection within our parent/child relationship.
I remember one morning year ago, sitting with Rylan at the breakfast table, in the midst of sharing what we each wanted to do that day, I was reminded of upcoming plans "Rylan, I’ve been thinking about when we go to help Dad move the rest of our stuff from Waitsburg..."
Before I even completed my sentence I saw Rylan’s eye’s widen, his body stiffen, and his hands fly to cover his ears as he hollered, "I’m not going anywhere b---!"
Upon hearing myself being called a b----, my face flushed, my heart began to race, and I felt flooded with an intensity of anger that demanded action be taken now!
I walked swiftly toward him and said with heat, "Don’t you ever call me a b----! I am your mother and want to be spoken to with kindness and respect! Do you hear me?"
Tears sprang to his eyes as he cringed away from me in fear, "I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared!" he whimpered.
I was horrified to have stimulated such terror in my child, I shifted my posture, smoothed my facial expression and tone reclaiming my ability to reach out to him with the transparency and love, "Please forgive me, Rylan. I became so triggered hearing myself called a name, I "flipped my lid" and reacted with anger. I showed him the hand gesture that signals that our emotional alarm system has taken control of our actions. "I so much want to respond from love, no matter what, especially as your mother. What do you hear me saying?"
"You need kindness and respect!" Rylan answered. (In this moment Rylan’s emotional alarm system was in control and what was still echoing for him was my initial anger.)
"Yes," I replied. I felt some relief, I reached out to him, "thank you for telling me what you heard."
He had quieted, but still shrank back from my touch. I took another moment to calm myself, I shut my eyes and took in a deep calming breath, and let it back out slowly, all the while noticing where I felt the breath in my body.
I felt renewed as I opened my eyes and gazed upon my son with tender curiosity, "I imagine it was pretty scary for you when I reacted with a
Have you ever felt really happy to see someone and felt knocked off-balance by their response? Do the needs for predictability and a sense of care in relationships come up in your day-to-day life? These are very familiar needs for me, along with wanting to live with a sense of congruence and ability to make meaning in the midst of those ’off-balance’ moments.
I have been pondering how we are interconnected, and intentionally seeking a way to have solid grounding in my life, for resiliency, wanting to be present in such a way that I am creating meaning and finding purpose in each moment, especially as a parent. Because when I am able to perceive, make sense of, and respond to my child’s needs, I am co-creating with him an internal working model of safety and security he can rely on.
I remember noticing my son was eating and sleeping a lot while going through a really big growth spurt. My guess was it was a really big stimulus for him, and I imagined that his nerve endings felt like they were on fire and thus his window of tolerance was greatly reduced.
He was filled with excitement when he got to spend the night at his older brother’s house, and the next day, when I went to spend time with him and care for our grandchildren, he made grumpy faces and moved away when I reached out to him. I felt very confused, trying to understand what was going on. I remember stopping him in the hallway by reaching out and taking hold of his arms; instantaneously he began wriggling about, resisting connection.
As he squirmed to the ground, I was able to stay with him and said, "Hey, what’s going on here? I want to slow it down and connect with you for a moment." His foot connected with my shin, and the unexpected pain, coupled with knowing my two-year-old twin grandson was witnessing this interaction, fueled a fierce love within me as I held him, seeking connection. "Do you know how much you are loved?" I asked passionately. As he squirmed, he shouted back, "No! Let go of me, I hate you!"
With tears in my eyes, I said, ”I love you. The bubbas are here and love you too. They are watching and listening right now!" My son slowed his movements, and began to look at his surroundings, his eyes softened as they rested on Andrew, one of his little nephews, who was slowly drawing near to us.
"Guncle sad?" Andrew asked with compassion, "Hug Guncle?" he reached out to embrace his Uncle and give him a kiss, resting his head on his uncle. My son’s eyes, wet with tenderness, met mine as he received this gift of unconditional love. "Aw, thank you, Andrew, Uncle feels better now with your love." he said.
Noticing I was holding my breath, I felt my body begin to relax as I drew in a deep sigh of relief, so touched and amazed by the power of unconditional love and presence. I took a moment to acknowledge to myself just how big it feels within me when my child faces challenges in becoming his full self. Remembering my circle of friends, who hold me with compassionate understanding, supported me to return to a state of calm where I could realign myself, once again, with my intention to remain unconditionally present with this young man who is my son.
Reflecting over this experience later, while receiving some much needed empathy support from others, I realized that in the biggest moment of intensity I felt some real horror that my little grandson had witnessed what I perceived as an act of violence.
As I slowly re-connected to my experience with eyes of compassion, I recognized a response pattern of terror and fear that was activated by embedded memories of how an older child had interacted with me as a young child. This was the first time I connected viscerally with how my limbic system becomes flooded in the presence of my son’s intense behaviors.
From an interpersonal neurobiology perspective, the mental model ingrained within me from repeated patterns of past experiences with the older child was retained in my implicit memory. Implicit
Have you ever been knocked off balance by the unexpected happening? I know I have! Let me share a story with you.
I remember several years when my son, Rylan, came tearing up the back steps and into the house, wide- eyed and breathless. I noticed his shirt and pants were wet in places. "What’s going on? Are you okay?" I asked as I reached toward him.
He crouched away as he sank onto the floor and the words tumbled out, "I was just playing with my squirt gun and took it over to Jim’s where he was watering his plants outside. When I squirted it towards him, he said, ’you might not want to do that or something like this might happen,’ and then he sprayed me with the hose! It was really hard, and I didn’t call him a f--r but I flipped him off and now I’m scared he hates me and will get me! Dad saw it all and said we have to go talk with him before we can leave, and I’m scared!"
"Where is your Dad? He was there with you and saw it all happen?" I asked, trying to make sense of it all.
"I don’t know! I don’t know! It’s not my fault!" he cried out as he curled up in a ball and began deep breathing.
I remember feeling such deep dismay, I wanted to comfort and soothe my son, not further heighten his fear with more questions.
I made some empathy guesses, ”I’m hearing how unexpected this whole thing was for you and how scared you are feeling, wanting to be sure you are safe and know you matter?" I began to rub his back gently and felt his body begin to relax under my touch. Suddenly his back grew taunt, and he scrambled into the other room as his Dad came into the house downstairs.
I asked him how he was doing and he said he was worried about Rylan and asked if he told me what had happened.
I shared what I understood from Rylan and then Richard, my husband, filled me in on what he’d seen with a weary sigh.
He said, "He likes to play and squirt others with water and doesn’t seem to be able to think and understand what might happen when he goes over to the neighbors and squirts him without the neighbor expecting it - that he’ll get wet in return. You know he doesn’t like to get wet unless he’s planning to get wet already, so when he got squirted, he freaked out, flipped the neighbor off and ran home. Great way to start off with the new neighbors! I told him we needed to go talk with him and repair things before we leave, and he couldn’t hear that either."
I gave him a hug and acknowledged, ”Yeah, it’s tough getting to know new neighbors," and I made a guess for him too, ”you really worry about Rylan, knowing he gets so scared, needing to know he’ll be safe, and has support in the world."
A little later the doorbell rang. Rylan looked out the window to see who was there, I saw his eyes get huge, he curled up in a ball on the couch and said, "It’s Jim! Tell him I’m asleep!"
I opened the door, to welcome in our neighbor. He took off his hat and said, "I think I may have upset and frightened Rylan, and I wanted to see how he’s doing."
"Oh, Rylan told me what happened," I said as we walked up the stairs and Richard joined us. "He was going to come over with his Dad to see how you were doing before they left together for some vacation time."
"Well, that ought to be a fun time for him. Is he around here somewhere?" he asked he looked around.
Rylan slowly got up from the couch and nervously rocked back and forth on his feet, fidgeting his hands together. Seeing him, Jim said, "Oh, there he is. Hi Rylan, how ya doin’ man?" stretching out his hand to Rylan with a friendly smile.
"I’m good, how are you?" Rylan returned his greeting and handshake with a nervous smile.
"Well, I’m a little confused and worried," Jim used a slow and calm voice when he replied, "because when you were at my place playing with your squirt gun, I played back with a little water from my hose, and then you waved some kind of motions with your hands at me and ran off. I went in and talked with my wife about it, and we thought maybe getting we
Equine-led growth resonance healing coach, Gloria Lybecker, joins Dr. Pamela in a conversation about Family Constellations Work with Horses. This work looks beyond quantum mysticism and includes morphic resonance as a systems therapy and existential phenomenology. This three-dimensional healing process takes on new meaning when horses enter the equation. Listen and learn more about how Constellations Work with Horses helps break patterns that no longer serve us along with the energy field that contains memories and specific energies of a group. We know the healing power of horses-constellations with horses takes healing to another level for releasing challenges, dysfunctional family patterns, and barriers.
For more information about Gloria Lybecker and Constellations Work with Horses visit: www.healingyousanctuary.com/constellations
Pamela L. Maynard, PhD is "The Passion-Driven Equinologist." She has dedicated her life to the horse! Dr. Pamela helps devoted horse owners—who are beyond frustrated—support their horse’s overall quality of life through supplementation and natural approaches to horse care. As a writer, podcaster, women’s circle facilitator, and intuitive wellness practitioner—she has been called a human-equine translator, mystic horsewoman, and a crazy horse lady. Along with her non-conventional ways of woo-woo horse care, Dr. Pamela wholeheartedly believes that our health is interconnected with the health of our horses. Join Dr. Pamela in her arena and go for a ride down the path of inner health practices, Riding After 40, Woo-Woo Horse Care and more! Listen to the Conscious Hoofbeat Podcast on: https://anchor.fm/conscioushoofbeat Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Google! Schedule your FREE 30-minute Preventive Equine Health & Wellness Strategy Session at: www.conscioushoofbeat.com
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 145]
#TheHealingYouMethod
What do you want in a given moment? Do you know? Do you consciously consider what you want on a moment-to-moment basis? Or do you just tell people what you don’t want? This is a concept my son and I worked with for some time about 10-years ago.
Knowing what you want requires your prefrontal cortex to be available so you can imagine and dream. If you function from a state of fear/anxiety, your emotional alarm system tends to hijack your ability to stay regulated and present; you might easily get knocked off balance by the occurrence of things you don’t want to happen.
I remember when my older son’s family came over for a barbeque at our home to celebrate my birthday. This was during the time we were in the process of moving to the Spokane area. It was such fun to play with my grandchildren while my older son barbequed my favorite food, and to visit with my daughter-in-law. My most special gift was that Richard, my husband, was able to be here too.
When the weekend was ending and Richard was preparing to leave, Rylan started to squirm and hang on to his Dad. Suddenly he brightened with a smile and asked, "Hey, can I go back with Dad? My Uncle is there and can watch me when Dad’s at work!"
I could see Richard was open to the possibility, so I asked Rylan, "You’ve truly missed Dad haven’t you, and would really like time to hang out and have more guy-time to start your summer off?"
"Yep!" Rylan literally bounced on the couch with expectation.
"Sounds like a lot of fun, and I’m wondering what ideas you have how you might support yourself if you get upset when you are there with your uncle and Dad’s at work and Mom’s here, any ideas?"
"I won’t yell or scream, or cuss, I promise!"
"Okay, I am hearing what you won’t do..." I began, when Rylan sprang off the couch to land on the floor, and exclaimed, "I know, I know! What do I want!? Say what I want not what I don’t want! I have been working on that for two years now and I am finally getting it! I’ll just go to sleep outside in the warm tall grass or hug my dog. Or I’ll curl up and breath deep, that’s what I’ll do, that will support me!"
"Wow, Rylan, high-five dude! That is so cool to hear you get that! Focusing on what you want gives your brain a map to work from and empowers you to succeed!” I was so excited that he was ready to take action like that. He got to go pack his bags and go spend that time with his dad.
No one needs to live their life in repeating patterns that keep them stuck. It is totally possible to live your life empowered by what lights you up, and, it is really deeply satisfying.
I’d love to accompany you, today, so reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…
[The Healing You Method - Episode 144]
#TheHealingYouMethod
#parenting #brainmap #fear #anxiety #possibility #emotionalhijack #compassion
Transitioning - this word sounds like a fairly simple thing to do; to transition from one place to another place, from doing one task to another task, to even just move from one focus to another focus.
Yet how often do we acknowledge just how many skills it takes us human beings to complete a transition? Transitioning, especially with ease, requires multiple skills working in unison. Without self-regulation, our internal systems may become overwhelmed, and we can lose our ability to be present even to ourselves.
Often our implicit experiences (nonverbal memories that form below the level of our conscious awareness and form our expectations of the world) hijack us into familiar "fight, fight, or freeze" reactions, rather than supporting us to show up in congruence with our deeply held values.
I have observed that when my son was hijacked, his implicit template automatically triggered his emotional alarm system into the fight response, and my alarm system would respond by hijacking me with the fear response. Part of my self-care program was to be intentionally focused on transforming these stuck patterns using resonant empathy, time-travel processes and journaling.
Time-travel processes allow you travel back to root cause events in your life to make sense of them, bringing in warmth and care for integration. Many discover that the root cause event loses its charge, restoring the pre-event sense of safety. Any subsequent events of a similar nature are no longer experienced through the lens of fear.
I remember when we began the process of moving our home to live just west of Spokane WA and for quite a while, we were living in two places at the same time. My husband stayed mainly at our old home, getting it ready for sale, while Rylan and I focused on getting our routine settled into our new space. This was an ongoing transition for everyone in the family as well as for our extended family and friends.
I remember when we would return to our home in Waitsburg, as we entered the driveway, I would slow to a stop so Rylan could jump out of the car to run as fast as he could, to jump into his Dad’s arms and squeeze him tight. This was a ritual I never tired of witnessing. Their joyful reconnection grew stronger with each repetition.
That even though, I noticed I felt rather fuzzy and a bit edgy. After dinner I asked Rylan, "Hey, are you ready to take your shower and brush your teeth? Remember, your brother invited you to go on a date night with him at the end of the week to celebrate you taking responsibility for yourself."
(Notice I didn’t really track with my sense of being off-balance; I jumped straight to strategy rather than grounding in connection.)
Richard followed my lead, "Yeah, come on Rylan, I’ll get the shower started."
Posturing with fists clenched, Rylan shouted, "I don’t want to take a shower!"
"Oh, come on now," I coaxed, reaching out to rub his back, "You said earlier you’d be willing to take your shower and brush your teeth after dinner."
"Don’t touch me!" His voice began to grow in volume as he withdrew from my touch, knocking my hand away, "You are forcing me - don’t touch me, I said!"
I pushed back at his hands with irritation, "Knock it off!" I said crossly, moving in closer to pick him up.
Crawling as fast as he could, Rylan cringed away from me, curling up in fear between the couch and side-table. He cried out in alarm, "No... no!"
"What’s going on in here?" Richard asked, looking around as he came back into the room. "Rylan won’t take a shower now." I replied with exasperation.
Richard moved toward Rylan to pick him up, as Rylan’s implicit template further hijacked his system. Squirming swiftly away from his Dad’s grasp, he screamed, "No, don’t make me; I don’t want to get wet! You’re forcing me!" I heard Richard sigh heavily as he turned, walking away to turn off the shower water.
Desperate to experience some ease and harmony, especially feeling irritatingly off-balance, I m
What does "Play" look like? When someone invites you, "Want to play?" how do you respond? For me, play opens up possibilities, and yet, when my son has tipped over into stress, terror, or overwhelm, I can find myself flooded with a sense of disconnection, fear and shame. Then, I’m closed off to the possibility of play.
Receiving empathy support and learning about the brain has helped me to live more solidly in congruence with my values: remaining open, curious, and understanding, more consistency when parenting. Yet, even then, I have sensed there was something missing. I have longed for a dis-confirming experience where my heart remains open and present regardless of environmental factors.
I had a breakthrough years ago, when my empathy buddy invited me to a weekend play workshop in Portland. I felt amazed and thrilled, it was just what I had been longing for! At the time I was filled with gleeful anticipation. The weekend gave me a first-hand visceral experience which helped me gain clarity around how to hold my son’s experiences, not only with more ease, but from a heart of love rather than fear.
At the workshop I sat with 30+ others all gathered together in a big circle. We all wore loose and comfortable clothing as we sat on the floor covered wall to wall with thick, cushiony, blue mats. Our instructor, O. Fred Donaldson invited us to glimpse the world of Original Play* by sharing a framework in which to hang concepts around choices, distinctions and patterns.
He said, "There is another choice besides resistance and contest behavior. We’re looking at choice this weekend - fight, freeze or flee - but we can actually play with events that are designed to kill us."
As I listened with rapt attention, I found the guidelines so illuminating: no contest, no winning, no losing, no fault, no fairness, no revenge, no tickling. I realized that the kind of play I learned in the world was cultural: games, activities, and sports.
This kind of play is commonly presented to children, along with teaching them rules to live by: compete to win or you’re a loser, find fault/blame, get revenge, exclude people.
I instantly recognized the style of parenting that had been modeled and adopted by me with my adult children. I now see how it really is possible to hold one’s children with unconditional love and acceptance and I want, above all else, to really be clear on what that looks like and feels like.
At this hands-on workshop I heard about the patterns of children’s play: how children use their eyes; how to use my hands, feet, and body; how touch moves up the body; the last thing touched is the head and how hands remain open. We learned how to let our body mirror/imitate the body of the child and to wait for our invitation to play, to be accepted, and to follow the child’s lead.
As I listened to all of this, a renewed sense of clarity dawned within me. I was waking to a new world of play.
I had new eyes and could "see" so many play opportunities with my son, and I was eager to explore them all! It was clear that Original Play "is not just a human activity to solve a human problem." It’s a gift given to all creation and all of life knows the patterns.
Fred spent 10 years playing with wolves. He played with wild dolphins for five weeks in Australia, and played with deer, elk, bison, black bear, and grizzly bear in Montana. All the animals played with the same patterns. I quote, "Original play is not about having fun. It’s not a dance, sport, or extreme sport. It’s a gift from creation so that I can love completely, fully, whatever comes to me."
Wow. That was something I was desperate to experience and understand on a cellular level. I knew experiencing this way of being was key to perceiving my son in a whole new way, with much more consistency, and it felt hauntingly familiar.
I remember as I took in the information, my stomach and jaws clenched tight in resistance to my thought of actively participating. A part of m
Do you ever feel overwhelmed "being the parent" and would it be so sweet for someone to understand, on a cellular level, exactly what your on-going experience is? Does your window of tolerance shrink? Does it get stretched so far you feel you will either burst in frustration or faint from despair? That’s where I repeatedly found myself in relationship with my son when his nervous system would get so heightened, and the energy got really big. My nervous system would alert me that my cup was near empty and I was in dire need of some empathy!
While being heard and seen by others with care and resonant empathy was so immensely calming, sometimes we must find ways to give ourselves some compassion when we are all alone.
One time I recognized, in the heat of the moment, a part of me believed the pain of disconnection would last forever. Nothing would ever change, no one would ever want to hang out with us, we were too much, we were too different, it was just too hard for others to be around us. I remember feeling lost.
When words like “forever” came up, it was a key cue for me to observe and notice that I had fallen into what I refer to as the ever present past. Which is a trauma bubble of an experience we had when we were younger, yet it feels as if it is happening right here, right now.
As I sat in this experience, I could feel shame spread across my cheeks, I hung my head, weary to the bone. I felt hopeless. I can remember sitting with the question, "How can I keep my cup full enough to stay present with unconditional love and acceptance, especially in the midst of perceiving hard, forceful energy coming at me?"
Now I can see with clarity that I needed to develop the capacity to be present with myself with unconditional love and acceptance before I could offer that to my child.
One particularly difficult day I felt a sense of urgency to find some way out of my empathy deficit, and at the time I wasn’t able to reach out to others for support. I got out my deck of GROK* "Needs/Values" cards, sat down at my table and began to sort them, one at a time, into two piles; one pile of needs/values that resonate with my felt sense. Meaning, I noticed the sensation in my body while focusing on the card, and another pile of needs/values cards that had virtually no effect on me. Out of 54 cards, 33 of them resonated with me. Wow - this symbolized a lot of needs/values! I noticed as I sat with the acknowledgement of what is, that my body shifted and relaxed slightly.
Taking those 33 cards, I placed them into clusters of needs/values, under seven basic human needs (connection, integrity, play, peace, well-being, meaning and choice). I saw that the cluster under the need for connection was really big - 16 cards in that cluster; connection, consideration, compassion and empathy, to matter and belong, predictability, to be heard, help & support, trust, understanding, respect, dependability, shared reality, reassurance, to have my intentions seen, and for friendship. Going over them again I let out a long sigh and felt my abdomen released. The simplicity of actually taking the time see myself, hear myself, and matter to myself by this very act of taking time for myself - was such an unexpected gift.
Next, I focused on the second largest cluster of needs/values. I counted seven cards: peace, harmony, ease and comfort, hope, balance, order, and efficiency. Ahh...the tension in my shoulders let go as I took a deep breath. I realized how deeply I longed to live my dream of peace and harmony on earth, and for the experience to offer ease and comfort, especially in relationship with my son.
With a renewed sense of hope I picked up a smaller cluster; self-expression, appreciation, meaning and purpose, and mourning. Oh, mourning was a biggie. Mourning the lack of integration and self-connection to even be able to express with contingent communication. I longed for enoughness no matter what the environment held!
Then, I focused on the remaining
Does your family intentionally play together? How do you invite family members to join you? Is it possible to both remain engaged in play and be connected emotionally when others tip over into fear or rage? This is an area I looked for support to understand when my son was younger, especially in partnership with my spouse.
When my husband, my son & I participate in a weekend play workshop in Portland, Oregon, Kri, the organizer of the workshop invited us to join in the Play After Play* experience. I was thrilled!
At the Play after Play Theater, the husband-and-wife acting team, Marc Otto and Melanya Helene, performed a 20-minute show based on a folk tale, with just a few props and traditional songs.
"The play will begin, and then the play will end," Melanya said. "That is the time for wild applause."
Then came the "after" part of Play after Play: playtime.
My family gathered with other families filled with anticipation around the tumbling mats where Marc, Melanya, and Kri each invited a child into the middle of the circle to "play" with them. They got down on the floor with the kids, mimicked their movements, rolled and flipped, tumbled and swayed, giving piggyback rides and frolicking like kittens. When they clapped twice, it was another child’s turn.
Let’s pause for a moment to look at research about mirror-neurons and mimicry. The mirroring system includes a mechanism that helps the brain record the difference between seeing and acting. Research reveals some neurons fire more during action and others fire more during observation. These same cells are proposed to help us distinguish between the self and others.
Mimicry reflects social cues and helps humans’ bond; we’re primed in one part of our brain to like those who mimic us. Research proposes that the mirror systems of two people can "sync up" neurologically. In other words, brains resonate with each other as they interact, with one person’s mirror system reflecting the changes in the other. No wonder Original Play models mimicry!
There are social connection systems for autistic children that don’t function neurotypically; however, current research appears to reveal that autistic children’s mirroring systems do function normally. The hope is that holding a compassionate understanding of the mirror system will lead to a better understanding of emotional difficulties.
If mirroring develops as we learn, perhaps triggering mirroring can teach and maximize what the children do have already in place. It’s very likely then that giving children the experience of being mirrored will help support the social systems that are not as functional for children on the spectrum.
Now, back to my story, as we watch those playing on the mats, Kri turned, crouched on the mat, and caught Rylan’s eye with a smile as she invited him with first a tap of her hand on the mat, followed with an extended open hand to join her. Rylan hesitated just a moment, glancing at me for reassurance and when I nodded with a smile, he scampered onto the mat with the fluid movements of a big cheetah.
Kri crouched, mimicking his every move as they made wide circles facing one another. Rylan sprang forward and Kri sprang to meet him mid-air. She caught Rylan’s body with an open arm, flipped him over her back using an open hand to catch and cradle his head, as he rolled onto the mat.
The play was on - springing, rolling, and tumbling, the two cavorted with resonant energy. Hearing two claps from her hands, Rylan scampered off the mat into my waiting arms. With bright eyes, a flushed face, and wide smile, he whispered, "will I get to do it again?" My heart soared as I took in his delight.
After every child had a turn, Kri motioned everyone to gather close together in the center of the mats. She asked the children, "Did Marc, Melanya, or Kri kick?" "Noooo." the children answer in union. "No," she agreed, "kicking is not play." "Did Marc, Melanya, or Kri grab?" "Nooo." was the resounding answe
Parenting a child who shows up differently.
Do you like to play? I do, I love getting to play with kids especially. I want to check in as a parent, does your child have a lot of playdates? Do you get to hang out consistently with other moms or dads? Or do you have fewer opportunities for social time? Or maybe, not even any? What’s it been like for you as a parent? Especially now, because a lot of things have changed.
I know when Rylan was younger social interactions really stretched him. They stretched his window of tolerance, yet at the same time he longed for companionship and fun. To have time with others. Where we lived previously was in a rural district out in the middle of 3,000 acres of wheat fields. So, playdates and get-togethers with friends and family were definitely planned in advance.
One time a close friend and I arranged to get-together to have coffee while her two young sons, who were eight and five years old at the time, played with Rylan for a few hours. That was a little bit of heaven back then.
Rylan and I were excited getting ready to have friends over. Yet when I would think about it a would get a niggle of anxiety in my tummy. I remembered how supportive prehearsals are to contribute towards predictability and trust, both are key players when you want to play. Especially when venturing out into the social world. I noticed in the moment as I named those needs for myself, my internal system calmed. I invited Rylan to snuggle with me on the couch and I checked in with him.
I asked, "Do you remember what happens for Sammy if you begin to feel overwhelmed?"
"He gets really anxious and worried about whether or not I’m okay," Rylan replied.
"Ah, he really cares for your well-being, doesn’t he?" I affirmed.
Then I asked more, "Have you noticed anything about Jason?"
After he thought about it he said, "He wants to choose what he’ll do all the time now."
"Yeah," I agreed, "he’s growing up quickly, isn’t he? When you’re bigger, you like having lots of choices, don’t you?"
"Yeah," Rylan smiled in agreement.
One of the things Rylan and I had established between us was when he started to feel that his energy was getting big, he would run to me and I would welcome him with open arms. So, I reminded him of that and he agreed. "Remember to run to me for support when you notice your energy is getting big, okay? I’ll be right here for you, buddy." "Okay, Mom."
While my friend and I visited, we stayed in close proximity where we could see the boys. I observed Rylan was expressing anxiety, his body squirming and his face wincing, especially when the boys asked to have a turn playing a game on the PlayStation. I moved my body in close to help them transition and placed myself between Rylan and the boys. Yet, when my hands touched the game system, it was a cue for Rylan’s nervous system, and it ignited.
He grabbed both of my hands with force and exclaimed, "Do not ever touch this again - it’s mine!"
I was really surprised and said, "Rylan I’m here," I saw the little boys ran quickly to their mom.
Slowing things down right away I gathered Rylan to me, and we moved to the bedroom so we could have some privacy. I took a moment to self-connect because I was very stimulated in that moment. I said honestly, "Rylan, I’m noticing all I want to do is give you information, so I’m wondering, what is up with you?"
Hi response was, "It’s just so hard to stay calm. I need Jesse! He’s my only friend, and only he calms me down when I get upset, instead of me needing to stay calm for others! I wish I had a knife! I’d just stab myself here," he thrust his hands on his chest, "and no one would have to calm me down again ever!"
I felt my own system begin to flood. Then he suddenly threw his arms about my neck, pulled me close, and said with urgency, "Quick, we need a limbic tackle!"
Instantaneously I felt my whole nervous system calm and warmth radiate out from my belly and my heart. "Ah Rylan, thank you for
I personally love the holiday season, all the different varieties of them. What I really enjoy is “window shopping" to see what will inspire me to think of a loved one while browsing about. However, there is one year I remember when my husband was working out of town and Rylan was much smaller. I would think about going shopping and it would just feel overwhelming. Just to get out of the house and go out in public, let alone doing any actual shopping.
Especially during holidays, I’m wondering if you have noticed, just how much commercialism is out there. There is so much less relaxation and ease, and I feel so much more stress and pressure from the environment. My system thinks it’s just a little bit too much.
There are so many more items on display, and they just seem to tempt you to impulsively pick them up - and they beg to be purchased. Especially for kids, the visuals, smells, and sounds can be overwhelming the sensory circuits to navigate, so they get overloaded much more quickly. That is intensified when impulse control seems to be at the forefront to begin with.
I know I would find myself in shame spirals just feeling hopeless when my son would become inconsolable in stores. He would beg for a toy, shoes, or for candy, whatever would catch his attention in the moment. I remember asking myself, “how in the world do you navigate this territory when your child is too big to pick up and carry away from the scene?” He was just too big for me to pick up anymore.
I remember I planned a trip to Wal-Mart to pick up some photos I had printed. I wanted to do what I call a pre-hersal, now I’d call it a time-travel to the future. It is an effective way to bring in the imagination of the right hemisphere into relationship.
I asked Rylan, "Would you like to go window shopping with me today at Wal-Mart?" We had looked at a Wal-Mart catalog together and he’d circled many things that he had been dreaming about being able to get. So, I knew there were going to be quite a few things there that were on his wish list.
What I decided to do was to share a story. Stories are also an excellent way to engage the imagination with resonance so there can be a felt-shared experience.
I shared with him how as a child I loved on the very rare occasion when we’d get to go window shopping during the holidays. With intention I clarified, "Window shopping means looking at what stores have rather than buying. You just notice what you think others might enjoy, and then we’ll share with each other what we would enjoy. Does that sound fun?"
"Yeah!" Rylan responded with enthusiasm.
I double checked and asked, "Will we be buying anything that is not on our list?" to which he replied, "No way!"
When we bundled up what we needed for this type of excursion, remember my son had sensory processing difficulties, you can create a bag that you take with you. It would have all kinds of sensory toys in it.
You could have squeezy balls, you could have things you could suck on, or different sizes and shapes of objects. Just something that can help to get the fidgets out and start to calm and relax the nervous system. We called it our sensory bag of tricks, and we used them for transitions out and back and then we headed off for our great adventure.
We were successful picking up the photos and began browsing our way through the store to pick up the few items on our list. Wouldn’t you know it, he saw what then was then, the new Xbox 360 Halo game system. Oh, my goodness, he was like, "Oh Mom, this is so cool, this is all I want right now! Please Mom, would you get it for me right now, p-l-e-a-s-e?"
I was able to quickly take in his mounting excitement, and I empathized, I said, "Wow, this is the one you marked in the catalog that you really like, isn’t it? Let’s see what all it does and check it out."
We took the time to get the box down and look at it. He read out loud to me everything it said on the box and I would reflect back what I heard wa
I was looking back over my journals and ran across the first article that I wrote regarding parenting. I remember at the time it took a lot of courage because I had what I called “writers block” and was petrified at putting my own self out there in the world. I was afraid of what others might think, say, or do, in response to me.
It’s taken a lot of empathy sessions to lay down new pathways within myself to get to the point where I was willing to do that back in 2010. So, a few years have gone by and lots and lots of empathy sessions for Gloria, for which I am eternally grateful.
I want to come back around though, I have six beautiful grandchildren that I just love so much, and they always have me coming back around to what it’s like to be in relationships of trust. How to grow relationships of trust, and how important it is to be as present as possible with our children, with any children, or with one another.
So, let me share with you some of the musings from this first article that I wrote.
It was dedicated to all those people in the world that care for children and others that show up differently. That they have "special needs." I like to acknowledge that we are all on the same spectrum of human life, and it’s a very wide spectrum.
I wanted to create a space that invited you into community where you would be welcomed just as you are. There would be resonant support and lots of mutuality and reciprocal exchanges of heart-connection that allows you to relax into who you came here to be.
As I stepped into this type of community, it was through being with my youngest son who had high sensory processing difficulties, that I found the book on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the path that introduced me to some of the closest friends that I have. They became life-long empathy buddies.
Also, I explored Interpersonal Neurobiology, relational neuroscience, to understand what happens inside of our brains and our bodies in order to develop the capacity to promote resiliency. This way of being both inform and transform my parenting and all of my relationships, especially my relationship with myself.
Let me share a little story. My little guy was given a math disability in the first grade. I didn’t even know such a diagnosis existed until then. Part of the testing he underwent revealed a lack of working memory, which is critical to compute math problems.
I didn’t find out until the end of that school year that his ongoing experience learning math was of being put in isolation at a desk with a timer. The thinking behind this was it would help him focus on his math work because he was slower than the other students. Yet, no one was allowed to talk with him until he was done.
Rylan’s nervous system was anxious to begin with, but became especially anxious when separated from warm, caring relationships. Even four years later, just hearing the word subtraction, he panicked, from a deeply engrained pattern being triggered by overwhelming helplessness.
When we slow down, we can look at how his experience of stress affected him through the lens of relational neuroscience, and we can begin to see what happens in the brain and in the nervous system.
The repeated experience of panic sent a flood of hormones, that shifts anyone instantaneously into survival mode. One of the hormones released, cortisol, inhibits the hippocampus located in the limbic system. This part of the brain stores and organizes learned material and connects it with what we already know. Also inhibited, and losing its power supply, is the logical and reasonable part of the brain, where calm and resiliency prevail, the prefrontal cortex.
Children need accompaniment, all humans need accompaniment. Yet children especially need accompaniment when they flip into survival mode, to help them come back to calm. By having a warm, caring, resonant other that stays interested in their experience, children can make meaning and sense out of their life.
Rylan’s
I’ve spent some time with several people lately that have been really struggling with deep sadness and grief. This sadness can feel so profound that the heart contracts and it feels very similar to a heart attack. Your heart can feel heavy with grief.
Have you ever felt your heart contract with pain, to where it feels difficult to breathe as well? Panic attacks are actually an activation of the PANIC/GRIEF/ABANDONMENT circuitry. When these attacks happen, it seems as if the very ground beneath your feet falls away. You can feel lost. Your SEEKING circuit dissipates, and you have no way to even begin to make movement in your world.
As we begin to allow ourselves to be held by others, and not be alone in our grief, we can have the courage to name our experience. We can receive some acknowledgement around what it’s like to be us in those moments. Such as, “Would it be sweet if someone understood just how difficult this is?”
Notice what happens in your body as you receive that guess. As we grow and nurture our relationship with this part of ourselves, then the panic attacks aren’t as intense. As we are able to hold these parts of our experience with exquisite gentleness, warmth, and care, we begin to heal our broken hearts.
It is so important to be able to find someone who feels safe, someone who will listen with an open heart, warmth, and resonance, and not to be made wrong for how you feel. Then, you start to lay down the pathways for healing to happen.
Grief needs accompaniment. Our sadness and loss need acknowledgement of that. This is so important for our hurting hearts. I’d like to share with you a technique that you can use in moments of panic or grief or sadness.
This is an energy medicine technique. You place your hand over your heart space, then between your ring finger and pinky finger, take three fingers with your other hand and tap. While you are tapping breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Now, notice, what is it like?
I feel a softening in my heart, there is a relaxation down my back, and my shoulders dropped. If you are having sadness, feeling some alarmed aloneness, and you need some support and accompaniment, please reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…..
[The Healing You Method - Episode 136]
#TheHealingYouMethod
The other day, when I woke up, I felt something was stirring within me. I had had a little bit of a restless sleep with fragments of memories from when I was younger. So, I reached out to my empathy buddy, and I asked for some support, some resonant support of my inner experience.
It is such a pleasure to have a place where you can share your inner experience and to be met right there. To have trust and companionship to discover you really do make sense after all.
As I received the support, what I was able to tune into was a very, very young part of myself. There was a sacred vow, something like, “I, Gloria Mae, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will be utterly committed to being less than. Believing that I’m not enough so that this other person in my life that I was close to, would have peace and security in a world that made them feel insane.”
I really tuned in to that this vow was made out of love for this other being. That is a really important piece to catch. I was utterly committed to that I idea that I am less than, in order for this other person to have peace and security in a world that made them insane. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.
I took time to allow that energy to move through my system, through my body. Then I shifted my body to step into my True Essence, my Essential Self, and no, I didn’t like that vow. It really makes a lot of sense and I can see how in my experience it was driving my behavior. Especially in certain situations where I would shrink back, or I would feel shame, or I would feel less than.
Sometimes these experiences can be so subtle, and yet so profound. So, I told my younger self, “I release you from this contract and I revoke this vow. I give you my blessing to have eyes to see differences in people, with pleasure.”
Because the young one, when she would see a difference, there would be a shrinking back and feeling of less than. But now, to have the blessing to see differences with eyes of pleasure, and to celebrate the differences that I see.
Also, a blessing to enjoy challenges, rather than being scared of them. And, the blessing to completely relinquish the idea that I am less than. Instead, to embody the blessing of experiencing courage and confidence in my life and taking time with where I am at in the moment.
To have the support to move through this type of a process is invaluable. We are born for relationships with others, we are not intended to do everything by ourselves.
If you are in need of some accompaniment, I invite you to reach out to me today at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…..
[The Healing You Method - Episode 135]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I want to talk with you today about aging. Aging is something we do from the moment we come into this world. When we are really little we just can’t wait until we are older. There are so many things that we are looking forward to and time seems to stand still when you are young.
I remember as a kid, when I got 30-minutes to go play, it felt like forever! Well, these days, 30-minutes seems to go by pretty darned quick.
There are other things that come along with aging, as you get in the older years of aging that is. Maybe you start to notice you have more body aches and pains. I know I have, riding a horse isn’t as easy as it used to be, but it is still really fun.
Maybe you have less energy and find you need to have your siestas mapped out for yourself. Or, maybe you are noticing you have more wrinkles, or grey hairs, or maybe you dye it.
There can be so many different things that change in our lifetime. You know, what is possible, when we are able to stay in relationship with ourselves, as well as with others, we can learn to listen to our body and honor our bodies wisdom.
To rest when you need to rest, to be intentional with your exercise and your diet. To really notice, how does it serve your body? Sometimes things might taste really great, yet, it’s important to be able to know how whatever you ingest is going to impact your body in the long run. In a sense we become what we eat, and it truly does impact us.
I know I have found it to be so important to have good, clear water, lots of water. Not pure, because purity would remove the minerals that are important for us to have. We are actually made up of mostly water.
What is helping me a lot is to be very intentional when I wake up. There is something that I do that Donna Eden recommends, she offers Eden Energy Medicine, which is starting my day with the 4 thumps.
You start by thumping the points right under your eyes, I use three fingers to be sure I’m tapping the meridian point. This helps to wake our system up. The next place you tap in on the K27, this is located right underneath where your collar bone is. Tap with some good force.
The next is your thymus, which is right on your sternum, this supports your immune system. I know when I caught a cold and it took a couple of months for my system to clear it out. So, I became intentional with the energy medicine in order to boost my immune system. The last place is your spleen points, under the center of your breasts. The spleen is important to flush the toxins out of your body.
Just doing that I feel so much more energized and alive and alert. I do that before I get out off bed in the morning, and it makes such a difference for the rest of my day.
Notice, what do you like doing, what do you really enjoy? Begin to set things out for yourself to look forward to. One of the things I discovered I wanted to be able to do for myself was to let myself start singing again. So, practicing that for 15 minutes every day, just because I like to sing. Then maybe I’ll sing for 20 minutes the next week, or maybe for 25, but to start to build and grow that which I really enjoy. To cultivate that in this world.
I encourage you to recognize the direction that you would like to move in with more and more expansiveness, and then give yourself permission to exist in whatever it is that you are doing, or however you are being.
The practice of acknowledging what is, is a powerful one. Be kind to yourself today.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
…..
[The Healing You Method - Episode 134]
#TheHealingYouMethod
One of my favorite things to do is to go out in the paddock and be with my healing herd of horses. I really love having the opportunity to support others and facilitate their experience with the herd. There was a particularly touching experience recently.
Someone was really caught up with all the stories that spin around, and around, and around in their mind. This person would get worried that the stories would just take over, because when we have certain stories, we can start believing those stories are true. Even when they are not.
Having a way to check in to the body’s wisdom, which supports us to come into what is true for us, is really helpful. It’s even more helpful when we are able to do this in the presence of a horse.
Horses have such big hearts and such big guts and resonance; they are sentient beings who are acoustical. They are able to tune in to what is happening in the human and reflect that back, communicating in such a way that the human receives deep healing. This is a very body-centered approach that I like to invite people in to.
As this person was standing in the paddock with the horses, I invited them to come into their body and to notice where their attention rested. The first place that they named out loud was their temples. Upon naming the temples one of the mares snorted really loud. They named there was a painful pressure there, and a tension that felt overwhelming. As they stayed with the sensations, they named the emotion of nervousness, the horse began licking and chewing, and the message they received was to be gentle with this story part.
Coming into the body again, this time their awareness came to the back of their throat, a white horse came up to them placed its nose right at their throat. There was a moment of pausing, and they expressed that the initial soreness and feeling as if something was stuck, there was an opening. The message was to be open to trust, there was quite a shift right there.
The next place the body’s wisdom went was to their left eye. There was a heat and a softness, with a sense of comfort, in their left eye, and the message they received was to relax.
Continuing with the body sensations and noticing where their attention would rest, each of the horses would come in and work with them, as they continued to move this energy through their system. What they were receiving was that it’s alright to relax, and that when you feel calm it does feel very safe. Then the white horse came in again and put their muzzle right next to the person’s face and there was this shared breathing.
As the person tuned in to the rhythm with the white horse, they could feel every cell in their body begin to relax, and to let go, and to be in calm. There was a deep alignment within their belly that it’s alright to trust, that it is safe to trust, and it is safe to name the unnamable and to be heard and received.
The takeaway that this one had was that they could choose to welcome any story with compassion, and they could bring back this memory of the white horse breathing with them, supporting them wherever they may be in time and space. To remember how to calm.
One of the gifts that you receive when you are working with the horses, is that they stay with you. There is a heart connection that you feel, and even if you are on a different continent, that connection is still strong. It is still with you, it is still vibrant and will continue to unfold within your life story, your life experience. It is a gift from the way of the horse.
If you’d like to get to have an experience with the herd, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/roots-of-connection
.....
[The Healing Yo
There have been times when I’ve felt such deep sadness and pain that I would turn to others and take it out on them. I would flip my lid, get angry, have a fit and get really irritable. When I’m able to slow it down, I tap into what is really happening inside.
This happened the other day with a client. This client was feeling such distress because they had just flipped their lid with their partner. When we took the time to slow down the experience within, they recognized this memory from when they were six or seven years old.
They had an experience of being forsaken by their parent. We took time to really be with those sensation and notice the sense of hypervigilance that had arisen within them. The memory unfolded a little more and they realized that when they were seven their mother had another baby. When they brought the baby home, the seven-year-old was moved out of their bedroom and they had the experience that their mom just wasn’t the same.
So, slowing down even more, and checking in to get consent, we stepped through time to be with this seven-year-old self. The seven-year-old was in a hallway and felt stuck between two rooms, feeling lost and disoriented.
Slowing down to sit with them and notice where the sensations are in their body, they noticed a little bit of relaxation. We checked in with this little one, to hear what was needing to be heard that had not ever been understood.
This little one, any time it wanted attention it felt ignored and left all alone. They made a sacred vow to themselves, “I will just suck it up and I will move on. I’ll pretend this didn’t even happen, in order to survive the pain of being left all alone in alarm.”
In this time-travel, hearing this vow, inviting their present-day self, their essential self, asking them, “Did you hear this vow that your seven-year-old made to you?” Inviting them to really see the child within themselves. Do they like that vow? They responded, “No.”
Speaking to their child-self they say, “I release you from this vow, and I revoke the contract. I want to give you my blessing. I give you my blessing to fully self-express your truth however you are, authentically. I also bless you with accompaniment, to know I will always be with you. To be empowered to have a sense of agency in alignment with your values.”
They took time to be with this through the release and the receiving of the blessing and had an experience of joy, hope, and newfound freedom from the inside out. It was as if shackles had just fallen off in their inner prison.
There was a recognition that they had been holding themselves back. That they had not allowed themselves to be who they really are, especially if they believed the other person was especially smart.
So, there was a holding back from this past trauma that had happened. They asked their younger self if they’d like to time-travel home with them, so, they walked down the hallway and saw their seven-year-old self who was stuck. As they came to them it was revealed that there were many doors down this hallway, which represented so many different possibilities and ways they could go.
There was a sense of lightness, it was bright, soft, and comfortable and they noticed a sense of relaxation. Then we did something a little bit different, we invited this young one to be able to tune in to their mother’s essential self. To be able to witness this mother that they had always longed for.
Next, the seven-year-old made a request of their present-day self, to watch for them and notice when the felt sense of this young one would start to emerge, in order to have the accompaniment that they had always needed.
It is such an amazing thing, and I’m so grateful to be able to accompany people as they discover this pathway to reclaiming their true essence. If you would like to have some accompaniment, reach out to me, today at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready
With the way things have been going in our world, I’ve heard quite a few people talking about how long they have been alone. How long they have been in a sense of isolation and not having the liberty to engage with others as they used to be accustomed to.
Their life has really changed, and some people feel scared. They are noticing that the longer they are alone, the more sensitive they feel when they do get to venture out. They have a high-tuned alert sensing into other people, worrying about social distancing, worrying about who is wearing a mask and who isn’t wearing a mask.
They are worried about their own health and well-being, as well as the health and well-being of those they love. So, they might over-think things which creates a worrying cycle that creates more anxiety and stress, which creates more cortisol flooding their system. This is going to wear them out by creating a sense of exhaustion from the inside out. They have this hypervigilance for safety that is running them.
Someone I worked with the other day was expressing concern around wanting to just feel comfortable again, and they were worried that they didn’t even know what that felt like anymore. Well, once upon a time they did feel comfortable and what happened?
One of the things that can happen is our “ever-present-past" can surface if it is stimulated when we’ve had trauma in our life. Something can come up in the everyday stuff that triggers this cascade of memories that we don’t even know are from the past. They come down and shape our reality. It’s like filters that we perceive through, and we think it is happening in the now. Because, in our inner experience, it is.
An analogy when we were working with this was, have you ever gotten to play with kids in a sandbox? If they are little kids, it can be a very fascinating experience. Because, each child when they are very little, all of their experience is all about them. Each one has their own perception about whose sandbox it is, whose toys they are, whether they are having fun or not, and whether they are even willing to share.
Maybe one child thinks another child threw sand in their face, and yet, what actually happened was the other child was having fun playing in their own little world and didn’t realize the impact their fun had on another child. Their perception didn’t include that other being.
Just being able to be with that and have some compassionate understanding for our younger selves, for our own growth and development, for our ability to integrate energy and information flow.
Another analogy could be, have you ever gotten on a merry-go-round? When you were on it did some big kids come and start pushing it and it got to going so fast you were just hanging on for dear life? It didn’t feel safe, but you didn’t have a voice to speak up?
That actually happened when I was a little kid, I remember hanging on and flying around the outside of that merry-go-round, and I don’t recollect what happened when I landed. What I learned coming out of that experience as a child was, don’t get on a merry-go-round if there’s big kids around. So, there is a need for trust, and a need to matter.
Part of the experience when you are around others, and for this person I was working with, they wanted to matter, and yet they don’t feel comfortable. To slow it down enough to allow the body’s wisdom to begin to inform them. To begin to allow the uncomfortableness and be able to sit with it, yet not be alone in it. That is a key piece.
So, by slowing it down and stepping through time to be with this part that felt so uncomfortable in any kind of a group setting. Which means more than one other person. When we can come and just be with, and be present, breathing relationally, the nervous systems begin to sync up.
Through the accompaniment our experience begins to be transformed.
Because there is a gentleness in the allowing of what is, and acknowledgment of how it feels to be us, in the moment.
I’ve been thinking about what it’s like when one feels mistrustful. This can show up in different ways perhaps; maybe you’re feeling mistrustful of a situation and there are components of that situation that stand out to you. It just doesn’t feel safe, or it feels out of balance.
Maybe the mistrust is in relationship with another person, there’s something that’s been said, or an action taken that doesn’t contribute to your needs for consideration or respect.
Mistrust can show up in a lot of different ways. Maybe it shows up because you feel that there is not enough of something so you feel mistrustful whether you’ll have enough for yourself and worried that someone else is going to take more.
Most likely, these scenarios that play out reflections for us of our own inner experiences we had when we were younger. Revealing for us some inner patterns that need acknowledgement of what our experiences were like. We need understanding with compassion around that.
I was working with someone the other day and they had a sense of resistance that came up that sounded something like, “I will not do this. I will not go there. I will not participate. I won’t.”
As we took time to be with the resistance coming up and start to tease apart the threads underlying it, of what their felt experience was. There was a fear that by participating this person would make everything worse.
In their perception things were bad, and they didn’t want it to get worse. So, there was a pulling away and a removal of self, moving into a sense of isolation. Rather than reaching for relationship there was a hiding from relationship.
Taking time with this other being, gently and slowly inviting their attention to come inward, and to notice what’s happening in their body. Their throat felt heavy and tight with constriction. Acknowledging a fear of being left out, and yet because of that fear they were isolating themselves.
This revealed there was another layer underlying that. When they were younger, they had made a contract, they’d made a sacred vow. Slowing down to be with that experience and to hear the vow, “I’m going to do all or nothing. I won’t reach out for any connection. When I’m needing closeness, I will run away. I will feel very mistrustful of my environment in order to not feel the pain of being left out and not having enough time to connect. No matter the cost to myself or those I love."
And then just resting with that, noticing the body, how it feels and how it settles. Then shifting and asking if their Essential Self is available, and did they hear the vow their younger self made to them?
They heard it. It makes sense why this little one would withdraw in order to not feel the pain. But it’s not serving life any more. Their Essential Self said, “I release you from this vow, and I revoke this contract, and I bestow upon you my blessing in its place.”
“I bless you with the joy of sharing, even with humans. I bless you with a sense of ease with vulnerability and honesty, and the courage to continue to show up in your life, with trust."
As they sat with this experience there’s a softening that happens; with the face, with the body, a relaxation response. In this process where we can start to rest and digest, we can begin to integrate parts of our life experience that had never been accompanied before.
This thickens the pathways for social connection. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s very effective, very healing, and very possible.
If you are interested in learning more about connection and the Healing You Method process, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of The “Healing You” Method Intro here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 130]
Join Lola Michelin, Director of Education for the NW School of Animal Massage, as she interviews Gloria Lybecker to learn more about The Healing You Method and resonant language. This integrative method connects body sensations, emotions, mind, and spirit to create powerful new neural connections within the nervous system. It is a powerful, trauma-informed approach that supports healing that is essential to making sustainable change.
.....
If you are interested in learning more about connection and the Healing You Method process, reach out to Gloria at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can start my course introducing The Healing You Method here:
https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/the-journey-begins
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 129]
Have you ever had self judgements? I know I have, and I think that’s pretty common for a human being to have.
There was a person I was working with the other day who noticed a pattern that they struggled with. The pattern was being quiet when they were in relationship with somebody instead of speaking up when they had something they would like to say. Or, maybe they didn’t agree with a friend.
What would happen inside of them is they would have a self judgement. Criticizing not just themselves but also the other person, but not speaking up when they were not in agreement.
They developed a belief that they held a really bad energy inside of them. There was a hopelessness that this energy that would be so critical would run them, and they would feel helpless and hopeless and they’d say, “I can’t help it!”
A big ball of energy would come up as anger, criticism, and then there would come shame that they would heap upon their own head. Like, “Why can’t I navigate this? I have skills, but I can’t hold it any better. I’m helpless.”
So, there’s such a fierce, sharp judgement that was rigid and cutting that left them feeling utter powerlessness, inadequacy and a lot of fear and anxiety about what the outcome was even going to be. They had a fear that they were going crazy. I mean this is crazy making stuff that can happen within us! There was the fear this would just take over and it felt so dark. A very dark shadow.
As we took time to travel, to step through time, we stepped in with this younger self that was in their bed feeling quite terrified. They’d pulled the covers clear over their whole body because they had this fear that someone was going to come in a cut them up.
They had watched some scary movies, and as a small child of seven or eight, that can be pretty terrifying and we can’t determine whether that is real or unreal and then it comes into our dreams. They are nightmares.
This little one was so terrified that they felt a cutting presence, an entity that was behind them, and they were terrified of it. The shadow belief that they had was, “I a bad and I am all alone, because IT makes me bad.
Slowing time down to be with this child-self. Their compassionate-self steps in and places this darkness in a safe container. To the child-self it was a deep purple with dirt and moss. It felt really safe. They could feel the energy moving then down their neck and in their head. It created a space for this little child-self and there was no need for all the dishonesty.
They had a sense of well-being and that life is good, they could taste life’s goodness. They invited the young one to rest in the nest of support, in the branches of the Tree of Life, experiencing calm and uplifting energy, a calm alertness.
The little one said, “God is good.”
What they were able to do was invite a time-travel back, bringing this young one back to present day, and they time-traveled in a bubble back to her heart.
They request that they made of themselves was to stay with the imagery of the energy moving through them, transforming that energy with presence. To also retain that imagery of that Tree of Life with the nest of well-being throughout their day and to nurture it.
Life is good was the deepest truth that they took home. Life IS really good, and how important it is for us to take time for us to be with any of those scary shadows that may bubble up in our day, and to have accompaniment with that.
If you have any of those kinds of bubbles that you are needing support with, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of The “Healing You” Method Intro here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 128]
There is a lot of anxiety that goes around with any transition; seasonally, a new year, starting a new job, or new neighbors. There are so many different ways that we can experience transitions in our life.
I was working with a client the other day and they were noticing how they’d get really busy leading up to any kind of an event. That it had actually become a way of life. They were noticing just how much getting anxious affected their body.
Not only did if affect their body, it also affected their thoughts, how they would speak to themselves and what they would tell themselves. They uncovered what they would do is tell themselves, “I will not relax. I will be responsible for getting everything done, even though I might suffer just a minute, I will keep on plowing through.”
Underneath that there were some shadow beliefs; I don’t have a choice. I don’t have support, there is a complete lack of support. So, acknowledging the need for spaciousness, the need for choice.
They recognized they were doing this - in order to be perfect – so that their mom and dad would be happy. It went way back in time to their younger self and it had become a pattern, a way of life.
As the youngest of a pretty large family they’d grown up with a feeling of being in debt for even being alive. So, they made this vow to themselves to just stay really busy and push through, plow through, in order to not feel the pain of not mattering and experiencing a lack of presence in their life.
As they were able to move through the process and release this vow, they received the blessings to actually physically stop. To allow themselves to experience being welcomed with warmth and soothing.
The authentic action they are taking to follow through is to create a little corner for themselves where they will have a blanket, and some essential oils that will bring in a fragrance of soothing. The blanket also brings in a sense of warmth, care and nurturance. It’s a real tangible authentic action.
There was a complete transformation you could see on this one’s face. As they went from this high anxiety to this ease of relaxation and mattering.
The beauty of the needs there are inspiring me to really be paying attention to how my body is serving me, and, how am I taking care of my body. It’s a reciprocal relationship that we all need to be able to develop, and model for those we love and care for. By caring for ourselves first.
If you are needing some support to develop more capacity to care for yourself, and to welcome yourself with warmth, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of The “Healing You” Method Intro here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 127]
Have you ever felt intense emotions? I have. It’s really important, if we haven’t had anyone to accompany us with intense emotions, to know that it’s possible to develop not just a tolerance for them, but to welcome them and recognize energetically what they are meaning for us. To recognize what the gifts are that they are bringing to our awareness, rather than trying to push them away or smoosh them down. They will just get bigger when we do that.
I was working with someone who was feeling very intense emotions. They would have very intense anger, then it would flip into very intense sadness. Their experience was, when these intense emotions came, it always made life more difficult, everything would get worse, and they always felt they were made wrong.
There was no sense of welcoming of their intense emotions, so their intense emotions got even more intense. That can burn us out, it’s really hard on our nervous system, pumping all this cortisol and adrenaline constantly. It’s exhausting.
While we were working together this person was able to unpack the contract that was underneath this. As a little one they noticed that if they felt worried or scared of being left alone, then that intensity would come.
They also recognized that if they didn’t talk when they didn’t feel good, or, they would say, “I’m fine. I’m feeling good.” Then they could side-step the intensity, or at least not be made wrong.
So, they swore to their Essential Self that any time they felt worried or scared they would shut down their emotions. They would shut down their anger. When we shut down our anger, we are actually shutting down all of our emotional circuitry.
So, any time they felt worried, or scared they were going to be left alone, then they would not talk. They would lie and say that they felt good, in order to avoid making everything worse with intensity and being made wrong and being left alone. No matter the cost to themselves or to those that they loved.
As they sat with that and could feel where to was within their being, there was an acknowledgment just how long this had been running within them. As we turned to their Essential Self there was this heart of compassion that rose up within them. They told them they didn’t like that vow and that they revoked that contract.
They instead, gave a blessing to courageously express honestly, to cry loud when they need to. To be open and to allow themselves to be held with care by others.
After they received the blessing, they had the experience of feeling so much more present. Their head felt open, instead of heavy. Their energy was moving all the way from their head down into their body, which felt open and confident, with a sense of ease. What was really cool was they felt that their eyes were wider, they could see more of life.
We brought in a fine mist of warm water that washed all over them, cleansing and healing any residues of energies that were not life serving. They could feel the life energy tingling all the way down to their toes.
There is something really beautiful about taking these parts of intensity and then getting to discover and witness the beauty of the gift that awaiting inside. Accompaniment is so important for all of us, we were created for relationships.
If you need some accompaniment in your life, reach out to me at www.healingYouSanctuary.com I look forward to welcoming you.
Thank you, for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of The “Healing You” Method Intro here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 126]
I was working with a client the other day and they said they were feeling just so bad. It was as if they were immobilized, frozen, from the inside out. What they noticed was that they stopped noticing what they felt in their body. It was as if they became numb and their head became really heavy as well.
As they started to experience a shift, what they began to notice was they could begin to sense their peripheral senses. When we can begin to notice the space between our first two fingers it can start to bring us back in a completely different way.
This is a very unique thing to be able to do, but, notice right now the space between your two first fingers. Is it warm, or is it cold? Is it moist, or is it dry? Simply notice without attempting to change anything, but just bringing your attention to your peripheral senses.
Another thing my client noticed was being able to have movement, to invite movement would begin to allow the energy to flow again from the inside out. Bringing life energy up which is so supportive.
Being able to develop these little steps towards presence, then they could begin to notice there was this place within them that had been there for quite a while. It was a part of them that didn’t believe that they could care about anything or anybody, because they didn’t believe anybody cared about them. So, why would they care.
As they continued to journey they had a memory of a time when they’d been given some space from their therapy and their ongoing healing journey. They had needed to be willing to step in and take responsibility on a day to day basis for their healing. It was important for them to learn how to slow it down to just moment by moment. Because when we live in the moment, we are actually living more present.
They uncovered an unconscious contract they had; which was whenever they sensed that someone important to them might go away, they would cut themselves off from having relationships with anybody else. This included them cutting themselves off from even their own self-care.
They did this because they had the belief that they didn’t matter and to survive the pain of being left behind. It was just too much for their body, when they were little, to be left behind.
As they were able to go through the process to release that contract and revoke that vow, they received a blessing. This blessing is to be able to stay in relationship with compassionate understanding. Their imagination lit up and they had blue sparkles coming down from the sun with a feeling of lightness, as a big white horse came forward to greet them, and help them journey home to their sense of self.
As they ended their session they made a request of themselves; to take the authentic action of doing their energy exercises every day, and to sit underneath a sun light. Because in the winter it can be pretty dark and the shadows can get thick and heavy. So, bringing that light in and having the blue sparkles in their imagination and that beautiful white horse accompanying them makes it doable.
It’s such a gift to get to work with people in this way, and to witness that divine energy that sustains and supports us to continue to grow and evolve, and get to know ourselves in a new way.
If you’d like some accompaniment on your journey, reach out to me today at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thank you, for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of The “Healing You” Method Journey here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 125]
The other day I was asked to write about what it would be like to be in a session with me for a summit coming up. The idea of participating in the summit delighted me, yet when I heard the request for me to write 100 words of less to draw people in, I drew a blank. It’s hard to describe what this is like.
What I did was reach out for some support to unpack that a little bit. When I went blank inside, it was like a big pause button had been pushed inside of me, and I recognized an opportunity for some deepening of my understanding of self.
As I was held in a sacred circle of support, I stepped back through time, which is a powerful process to welcome my inner experience more fully. What arose for me was my fourteen-year-old self. This part of me had made a vow never to write something that could be read publicly especially.
As I went back in time to be with this part and receive more clarity around it, what happened was my fourteen-year-old-self used to journal about things that had happened in her life that were private. One day the journal was gone.
So, there was a fear of being exposed, a fear of having my privacy violated, and really deep shame came up. Because, this younger self had an experience of being tormented and demeaned. It felt as if people loathed her or were disgusted with her.
Bringing in some warmth, sitting with this part, my throat got really tight. My chest felt as if it were burning. This younger self had a loss of identity, when she honestly expressed herself in a written form, that was what caused her loss of identity, and her dignity was stripped away.
So, bringing in the imagery of being in a field with the healing herd; with constellation work we are recognizing that we are in a field of life energy at all times. In this process I could feel the horse ancestors come swirling in. They first moved in a counterclockwise pattern, swirling around me. I could feel the wind, I could feel in the air this divine light that came in through the shadows. It was like a dance with the herd of horse ancestors.
It sucked up all of the torment and all of the violation and shame, the loathing and disgust, all of that energy that felt so heavy and diminishing. Just swoosh!
Then they turned and you could hear the thundering of their hooves which brought in this divine arc of energy. It was miraculous. It was softening, I could feel the tingles on my skin. It was as if there was a gentle mist of healing living water of life, mixed in with the divine light.
This brought a deep soothing and restoration deep inside of my throat, my heart, and my belly. There was a peace.
Then, out of the herd, a beautiful, majestic, black horse came over and bowed, inviting my younger self to jump onto his back. He took off flying, bringing her back here to the healing herd here, to be with me.
For there to be nurturance, a place where she can begin to trust her own inner compass. Not only can she trust her own inner compass, she can trust the inner compass of others that connect and resonate with her. That is such a beautiful gift to receive going forward in life.
I want to acknowledge that unless we are willing to go on these journeys of healing, there are so many things we won’t know that we don’t know. So, there is a mystery and a magic that comes with this way of processing of life energy. It is a divine gift to receive.
If you’d like to explore how to connect with yourself more deeply, or in different way, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thank you, for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 124]
Sometimes I find myself falling back into really old patterns. Patterns that I thought I had let go of and that I wasn’t ever going to use again.
Sometimes what can happen, when I’ve noticed that I’m operating out of an old pattern, is I can just beat myself up with anger.
It sounds something like, “Oh, you are so stupid! I can’t believe you are doing that again!”
Then, inside I have this cringing with shame experience, “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that! I’m so horrible.”
And then, I can fall even lower in the spectrum of energies. Into self-loathing, “Eeew, yuck.” Some disgust can come up.
Well, I’m really grateful that on my journey in this life, I’ve discovered that it’s possible to recognize these aspects of myself with compassion. In those moments I can acknowledge how it feels to be me. I can speak to myself, “Gloria, are you just feeling such frustration because you really like it when you make strides in the direction that’s in alignment with your passion?”
It’s like, “Yeah.”
Then, for the other part that cringes in shame, just gently sitting beside her with an open heart and warmth and say, “Gloria, does it feel like you are just crumpled in a ball and there is a pit in your stomach that will never go away? It feels empty?”
I can notice a difference in my stomach as I ask that.
With the self-loathing piece I want to be really gentle. I want to welcome this part of myself with warmth and resonance. I ask, “Gloria, are you so afraid that no one will like you? Do you need acknowledgement that has been your lived experience a lot when you were little?”
Oh, there’s a deeper breath and an easing up.
So, a skillset that I’ve developed in my life, which really saves my life repeatedly because these patterns they can loop back around, yet it doesn’t mean that I’m now going to go back and relive my past. No. What it does mean is that my current version of me is able to step through time to be with that original contraction. A felt sense in my body.
So, I can practice noticing my body sensations, noticing how that feels and where that is in my body. I can shine the warmth, a kind, gentle eye-gaze on a younger version of me. With no pressure for that part to be different but to actually catch right there where it’s at, and to sit with it. As I sit with it, I notice what happens.
That accompaniment. Developing the capacity to accompany one’s self, requires being accompanied by others, to begin to trust that it’s possible for others to hold that space for us. It does require a little trust, and that trust can grow.
So, would you enjoy some accompaniment? I’d love to welcome you at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 123]
I’m excited to introduce you to my friend and colleague, Lola Michelin, founder of Northwest School of Animal Massage. I met Lola through Horse World Connect, which she has added to her business portfolio. She saw the chance to connect with other aspects of the horse industry, share information about the various healing modalities, while also opening up the opportunity to coach and mentor people starting practices and offering service businesses with horses.
Stay connected to Lola through her website www.nwsam.com/ or horseworldconnect.com
Her Facebook pages www.facebook.com/horseworldconnect or www.facebook.com/NWSAM
Listen below to learn more...
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 122]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Fear and anger can be really powerful forces. When I’ve worked with people, and taken time to do my own inner work, a discovery that I’ve made is any time that I’ve had an anger reaction, when I can slow it down I unpack it, I discover there was a fear right underneath it that started the cascade of emotional reaction within me. Depending on what our life experience has been, that can look really different for all of us.
I was working with someone the other day, and they noticed that this fear came up really quickly, and right on its heels there was an anger. Just a feisty anger and so much of it. Then, there would be a complete shut down right after that.
As we took time with this, and went into the process of Healing You, there was an image that came up of a small child within that had a sense of heaviness and wanted to cry. There was no comfort, no soothing available. As we rode the wave of this energy there was a memory of big people and lots of anger and lots of harm being done. As a small child being just as quiet as a mouse in order to not have that anger directed at them.
So, in those expressions, we could begin to hear the whispers of an unconscious contract that was beginning to emerge for healing. It went something like, “I, little one, solemnly swear to my Essential Self that anytime there is a proclamation, or a struggle with people arguing, or a perception that someone might be rude and strong energy enters the room, I will not speak up even when I sense something, or I would like something different. I will diminish myself. In order to keep it from getting bigger, or worse, or blowing up, and to not bring more attention to the situation or to be harmed. No matter the cost to myself of those I love.”
Taking the time to drop into the body and just notice where that energy was lying within, in the heart space. Then asking the Essential Self of this person, “Did you hear the contract this little one made to you? Is it one that you like?”
For them to be able to hear it, and to hear it from the child, from that little one’s perception it made total sense. But no, it was not life serving. So, the Essential Self says, “I release you from this contract and I revoke this vow, and I bestow upon you my blessing in its place."
"I bless you to speak with grace, to speak precisely and with care, directing conversations to heart connection and compassionate understanding. To be empowered to translate any expression and reveal the beauty of the needs that actually lie there within their hearts."
"To step into the courage of who you are created to be. With resilience to stay present in relationship with yourself, and with others, even in groups. And to know how much you matter and the value and impact your way of being ripples out in the world. So then really taking in that gift and noticing what that is like."
They found an image of themselves; they were given it as a gift from an older cousin, and it really captured this small child. So, taking time to be with this smaller self, from the new perception of our older self, when we time-travel like this we bring compassionate understanding to our own life experience.
It’s a miracle. We are freed up, it’s like we can have new skin. We can have a new space around us to begin to see life in completely new ways that we never, ever, noticed before. That is truly a gift.
If you are ready to start out on your journey, and you are looking for accompaniment, I invite you to reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 121]
What happens inside of us when we are self-critical? Where does that even begin? I’ve spent some time with this and for a couple of nights I would wake up around 2 or 3 and there would be this self-critical voice spinning around and around. The more it would spin, the more critical it would become.
What would happen for me was a contraction, a kind of collapse inside of myself. As I woke up a little more, to actually pay attention in a new way, I recognized that this voice had a flavor to it. It was, “How could you?” So, there was shame in there, and as I sat with that, I could hear underneath that “How could you?” that there was deep grief inside of myself.
This voice inside was listing all of the ways that I had failed as a mother. That’s really huge. My life’s dream when I was a little girl was to be a mother. So, it was rehashing all of those moments that I wanted to do something different.
The shadow belief that I touched into as well, underneath those emotions of shame and grief, was this real-felt experience that I’m all alone. So, I want to just step right through time to be with that part of myself. What empowered me to step in that way was bringing in the felt sense of gentle curiosity. There is a warmth with that.
In the night what I did was to actually turn and acknowledge that I was hearing this voice within. One of the things that happens for us as humans is, the default mode network, when we’ve experienced trauma, it keeps worrying over it. It’s wanting to heal it, and it’s doing the best it can to support us.
So, turning to that part of myself with warm curiosity and asking, “Do you want to help me?” I could feel my face soften with that guess, with that acknowledgement or question. Because it’s true, that part of me is wanting to help me. It just doesn’t know how to do it any differently.
With these criticisms of my parenting, especially when I was a very young teenage mother, I asked this part; “Was it so very hard for you? All of these experiences, were they so hard for you?” Then, feeling again the body’s answer, “Yes! It was too hard for me to hold up under all of that on my own.” I was still a child myself at that age.
The question that really supported me to experience a shift inside was asking, “Do you wish that Gloria had lived a different life?” Again, “Yes!” especially certain parts of my life. They were just too hard. This younger self, as I time-traveled to her, I could feel the immobility, I could feel the shame, the collapse. The hearts desire to make a difference and not knowing how, and not knowing where to turn and believing there was nowhere to turn.
It’s like, “No wonder! No wonder there was such a deep sense of loneliness, aloneness, that was nearing despair.” And, to just be with this part with gentleness and accompaniment. To be able to have some warm resonance, in order to allow the mourning to begin to happen.
Because grief is not able to be processed when we are all alone. We need there to be that warm accompaniment. So, when we are able to bring warmth in, and ask ourselves, by using our name, “Gloria, do you wish you had lived a different life when you were a young mother?”
“Yes, I do!”
To bring in some love and resonance to shine out some golden light of warmth and love to send out to her and her two young sons at that time. And, to bring them home to me, to bring them in to nurture and acknowledge. To be able to name all the things that were so unnameable, that my younger self didn’t even know how to name.
As I continue on this healing journey and I allow myself to receive support when I need support, I’m able to hear these voices with so much more loving kindness. I’m forever grateful that I get to touch this younger Gloria that had never been touched in this way before. With warmth and gentleness, kindness and compassion.
If you are needing the touch of warmth and compassionate understanding, reach out for some support at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
T
Do you know what is really possible? Well, it is possible that you can awaken to know your truth. You can see new possibilities for relationships that you couldn’t see before. Which means you can no longer hide in the shadows. You can no longer hide in unconsciousness.
It used to be that you didn’t have a language for heart connection. Because of that you lived a life that felt disjointed and scrambled around in a sense of aloneness. Like a fish out of water. At times it felt pretty scary.
But now you know it is safe to experience and experiment with new possibilities. You can even do this in real time. You can cultivate pathways, connections with others who have heart connection that support you, nurture you, and empower you, to be all that you were created to be.
One of the things you can do to continue to support this to happen, is to simply notice. Drop into your own heart and begin to notice what you are doing that activates this aliveness within you.
Notice it, and then practice noticing it. Consistently note down what you are noticing. It’s so empowering. It’s like fuel to ignite the life within you.
As you do this, one of the side benefits is that you grow warm community, of nurturing and enduring relationships that will continue to accompany you in this life. This is a beautiful thing to experience.
If you’d like to learn more about this, or join one of these circles with me, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 117]
Have you ever felt completely and utterly alone in the world? Where your experience is one that there was just a lack of tangible support available to you. For some of us our body contracts, our stomach can hurt, and there is a kind of collapse in our system. Then, our thoughts can become dark and it’s like slipping into a void.
I’ve had that happen to me before. It was not pleasant, nor was it comfortable. Yet, what I know is possible is to seek out accompaniment. So let me tell you a story.
I reached out to my empathy buddy to have a check in. We hadn’t checked in with one another in a while, and I described what it was like to be me. Then, I asked if they could offer me some resonate support.
One of the things that was guessed was, “Do you wish that an angel could come down from heaven right to where you are. Standing beside you, they would gently place a hand on your shoulder and acknowledge that “It’s true; you do not have corporate funding and you don’t have a pension to rely upon.”
“It’s also true,” the angel says turning you to look to the other side, “that you have a heart of love and devotion, that you have dedicated to your children, especially your youngest son. And, out of that heart of compassion, you have developed your life’s work.”
When I heard this, and I felt this, and I experienced this deep within my sense of self, my body softened and I came in touch with a source of inspiration awakening me to recognize who I have been created to be.
Rather than that being an impossible dream guess, it was a dream come true. This person is like an angel in my life and they have known me for years. Sometimes when we falter, we need those strong relationships to remind us who we really are.
So, it’s important to acknowledge the shadows. Not to make them wrong, or to stay within them in the contraction. But to also see them in the light of the truth of who you are.
The first step, for me, is to notice my body sensations, this is where all of the energy and information flow begins. To recognize them and to name my experience out loud.
The next step is to reach out for some support. For heart connection. Are you ready to reach out today? Meet with me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 116]
#TheHealingYouMethod
How do you talk to yourself? Do you notice how you talk to yourself? How about especially when you’ve made a mistake? What does it sound like, that voice inside of your head?
Do you even like yourself? I’m wondering, are you self-critical? Or are you ever NOT self-critical? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Or did your parents compare you to others? Did they constantly compare people?
Our default mode network (DMN) is the part of us that is the voice in our heads. We all have one. When we’ve had experiences of trauma, then that trauma takes over our default mode network. It reruns all the memories. It really wants us to heal. It can get stuck though.
When we are little, if we don’t make sense to our moms, then as a baby our system has to run on cortisol in order to survive. This can burn us out. When a baby is born its amygdala (emotional alarm system) is hard wired to create a state of alarm in order to get a response for care.
So, if we had a responsive mom, or caregiver, they would easily reflect the micro-expressions of whatever emotions we were feeling as a baby. We would experience that we make sense by having a responsive caregiver. We would grow “I make sense neurons” then and we develop more of a sense of secure attachment.
When we don’t make sense to our moms or our caregivers and we have this alarm state going off and its not met with care, then we end up not knowing how to care for ourselves either.
I want to acknowledge that its never too late to meet someone that can respond with sensitivity and with care so we can grow those pathways that we need to learn how to care for ourselves.
When we’ve had unresolved trauma it’s possible to be held with acknowledgement that there is unresolvable trauma. What happens then is it allows there to be more movement of life energy within us, and it turns off that default mode network.
So, when we can be held by another that is responsive and provides care for our CARE circuitry, then we can be empowered to name our experience. And, when we can name our experience it transforms the trauma from our nervous system and brings it into our explicit consciousness. We then have a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Part of that process is when you name the experience, that there is a container, another being that is able to resonate with warmth and understanding to name the needs that your younger self didn’t have held. It’s really important work.
I am really passionate about this and I’m so grateful for the resonate care that I’ve been held with to support myself and my nervous system to create an Essential Self that doesn’t judge me when I fall into one of my old patterns. But gently, and with care, welcomes me back to life once more.
If you’d like to learn more about how to be welcomed back to life, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 115]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Some days make you wonder about the path you are on. There can be days where for absolute weeks, months, and years, decades even! You have been on a path that you have felt called to be on, and then, all of a sudden, a door closes. It’s bewildering, it can be devastating even. It can feel earth shattering and you cry out “Why, what’s happening here!?”
I’m recognizing today that those moments in my life, when I’ve taken the time to slow down and actually come into presence, in my heart, body and soul, there’s a message for me.
It’s not “Do not pass Go.” It’s not “Stop.” Or “You’re bad and wrong and what your doing is not worth anything.” It’s not “You’re never going to succeed. You’re never going to be good enough.”
Though all those seemed like they might be the answer, there was just something wrong with me. There was something wrong with my vision or the way that I said things or showed up. The way that I stepped into my own Being-ness.
Then, today I had an epiphany, and my intuition has been talking to me about this possibility for over a month now. I recognize on my life’s path there have been many other times that this has happened, only it was in a different form.
But it still was a re-directing. It was like a pivot to bring my soul back into alignment with where I’m actually intended to be. What I’m really prepared for, what my hearts intention has said I’m here for, and yet, there is a part of me that was still feeling really pretty small, insecure, worried, and a lot of other words I could put on that way of being. I was just staying really small in my shadow.
Lacking confidence, and actually lacking self-connection with my own heart and soul. This is something that can happen when we’ve had trauma in our life. It can be small t or big T trauma. All of have these pockets and bubbles of trauma in our life experience. Until we actually step into a resonate field that stimulates the felt-sense of the ever-present-past, it just operates from the background.
What I’m discovering is it’s possible, in real-time, in the present moment, to come right into the fullness of whatever my experience is and stay with it. To be with it and acknowledge what it’s like to be me. Which grows this (my dear friend, Sarah Peyton, calls it ‘rings of affection’) which you can bring into my heart and to my soul, to accompany me right here, right now.
To me, that’s bringing in that gold, divine light, that is Creation. This allows me to step into the fullness of who I was created to be to co-create, right now!
About a month ago, to bring in the storyboard, I dropped my external hard drive. It had all of my life’s work on it. I went through this whole journey of sending it off to a special place where they go into a clean room and they see if there is anything they can salvage. If there was something to salvage it would cost me thousands of dollars to retrieve it. Just a little while ago I got the call that it’s irretrievable.
Well, I tittered on this brink of, “Oh my goodness, are you serious, nothing?!” I could remember videos, presentations, and pictures, lots of things very precious to my heart. It was like, “Nooooo!”
Yet, in the moment that I heard this; it was like a puzzle piece fitting into place. It reminds me that this life isn’t about all of the tangible things. Yes, of course there are just so many incredible memories and experiences that those tangible things represented, and yet, I carry them in my heart. I carry them in my soul.
I’m reminded that I have this capacity developed within me, to stay present, with whatever may emerge. I intend to continue this path, to trust the process and whatever I’m needing will emerge in order to continue to go forward. Creativity is now accessible to me in a whole new way.
Now, I’m noticing, just keeping it real here, my throat contracted. I’m going to have a little drink of tea. So, I’m wondering if my throat needs acknowledgement that it’s very transparent and vulnera
Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in anywhere? You could maybe be part of a group feeling totally fine and then all of a sudden, it’s as if there is a disconnect that happens inside. It could be a little bit of dissociation in your mind. Or, maybe it feels like you’ve just become a little bit invisible and there is no sense of a connection between you and anyone else in the group. It’s like there is a space between you and others that before you hadn’t felt at all.
Then, you notice the other people and you wonder, how are they connected? How are they doing that? I want to acknowledge there can be this experience where it feels like there is something missing. There is some kind of missing linkage.
I was working with a client the other day and they were having a very similar experience to this. They had been part of a group for quite awhile and what happened was when someone checked in with another person and started to engage with them and place their attention on them, they felt themselves disconnect inside.
What that’s like is a sense of being mute, recognizing something has just happened but I can’t talk about it. If attention comes to me, I avoid checking in or having any communication. There is an immobilization that happens. This is really painful to experience from the inside out.
This is something that can happen when we experience neglect in our lives, and we may not even realize we experienced neglect in our lives. That’s part of how pervasive neglect can even be. Yet, I want to acknowledge that it is possible to lay down new neural pathways.
It may not be re-learning how to welcome warmth, it may be learning how to allow warmth in. Maybe warmth was not something that your body and your nervous system is accustomed to receiving, so it may not feel welcome at all, and that is perfectly normal for this situation. I have a lot of compassion for this.
I remember one point in my life, quite young, when I would be with a group of children and I would feel like I was on the outside looking in. I would wonder what was different about me. Why was I unable to engage with others with the ease that it seemed others engaged with? I didn’t have answers to that, I just believed there was something wrong with me.
I want to acknowledge that it’s possible to learn how to engage. It’s possible to learn how to open your window of welcome for warmth to begin to come through to you. It may not feel comfortable; it may be very foreign and not familiar at all.
Yet, when there is a container where there is no pressure and you’re not made wrong, rather you are welcomed as you are, you can allow your window to be as small as it is. When that is okay, it will naturally begin to expand a little bit. It may go back and forth and that’s okay too.
Because we want to be able to allow your nervous system and your body to reconsolidate; to readjust its settings and discover through the experience that it’s safe to be seen, and soothed and feel secure from the inside out.
If you’d like to dive more deeply into this experiential learning, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment?
You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 118]
Having disagreements with other people can be really painful, and there are many different ways it can go. Maybe it’s a surprise that there is a disagreement, but you feel really strong about the situation or circumstance and someone you care about feels different that you do.
Or, maybe what’s happened is you didn’t reach out to someone, it hurt their feelings, and now they are upset with you. Maybe they give you the cold shoulder. Maybe they are fiery hot angry, and they get in your face. What’s that like for you? How do you mend that type of a rupture in relationship when you care about somebody?
Sometimes these experiences can feel so raw to us that we drop the relationship. We might feel like, “I’m done with that. I’m not putting up with that energy ever again.” That can give us a clue that we have somewhere in our past made a contract that we would never do that again. Because, words like never, always, and forever, let us know that we’ve made some contracts when we were younger.
When I’ve had a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or a difference of opinion with someone, it can become what I would call a difficult conversation. How do you stay present in a difficult conversation? Well, there are some skill sets that it can be helpful to have. When I notice that I’m feeling defensive; I’m perceiving that I’m being attacked, or someone is mad at me. When I buy into that story then I’m defensive back or I think maybe it’s all my fault, I shouldn’t have done that, or I shouldn’t have said that. Then I blame myself in order to try to integrate this information that is confusing or bewildering.
What I like to suggest, and remember for myself, is in those moments to slow time down, to take a pause, to make an agreement to get back together later. But, to let things cool off a bit. Then I call up and I get some empathy from my empathy buddy, because my experience matters, and I want to take the time to unpack it.
When I want to make others wrong, or I want to be in that defensive posture, there is something underneath that’s letting me know that a part of me is needing protection. And, I’m doing my best to protect myself. When I take time to really be with that, and have self-compassion, it can open my heart back up with curiosity because I recognize what the need is underneath that action I’ve taken or that behavior. I want to be able to be consciously aware of it.
These experiences that we have inside are needing acknowledgement with resonance. Like, of course this experience is happening! Or, no wonder you are responding in this way! And, acknowledging the why underneath that and not being made wrong is so important.
When we get to that place our body can relax and we can have more of our prefrontal cortex available to us where we can socially engage. We can stay open and curious to catch the nuances of the conversation with someone else.
And then, if they are wanting to blame you, then you have already received the empathy you need, the acknowledgement that you need, to stay present and curious about what their experience might be like. To listen deeply to what their experience has been.
It’s not to agree with them or disagree with them, it’s to actually connect hearts with them, to resonate with their experience. From that space we can come back together. We can begin to see each other and hear each other and understand each other with compassion.
The skill set that comes before that is; after I’ve received some acknowledgement for what my experience has been when I was wanting to blame, or I was being defensive, and I’ve owned that and gotten support for myself, then I want to be mindfully aware to check in with the other person. I want to check in with them to get consent whether it’s a good time to have a conversation. That is holding their needs with just as much respect and care as my own. Then we can make an agreement when we will talk, and maybe how long we are available to talk. Rather than
You know, we all have an automatic voice in our head that tells us how we feel about ourselves. This part of us is known as our Default Mode Network, or DMN. It turns on and starts running anytime we relax and are not focused on doing something. When we are stressed, what it does is worry all the time, and can get on hyper-mode with it’s worrying. It can get super intrusive, and it gets harder, and harder, to enjoy our life.
The problem is, when we are stressed, our Default Mode Network thinks that the problem is us. That’s when it’s like a hamster wheel that goes around, and around, and around, and it becomes very, very critical of ourselves. It watches everything we do and analyzes it to prove that we are the problem.
Well, you know, even though our Default Mode Network is deeply shaped by our unconscious contracts that we hold deep within us, it is possible for our DMN to work really well for us. When it is working well, it very easily learns self-warmth, even when this concept may be new to you.
I want to acknowledge too that before we can hold our own emotions, it can be very helpful to find others that are skilled with warmth and care, to hold that space for us. When we can then learn how to turn towards ourselves with warmth, and presence, as we are accompanied, we can integrate the experience of being heard and felt and understood. We discover that we make sense and that others actually have had experiences similar to us, whereas before we thought we were all alone.
So, let me ask you, would you like to be accompanied with warmth? Would you like to meet with others who have had similar experiences as you? Reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com there is a small group starting up very soon.
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
Watch the preview of my course “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 112]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Today I want to ask you, when do you feel wrong? Maybe you feel wrong to ever be angry, or maybe you feel wrong to feel afraid. Some of us feel wrong when we collapse when we feel helpless. Then, others feel wrong when they experience alarmed aloneness.
But you know what? You might be surprised to learn that you have a RAGE circuit. Your RAGE circuit is there to help you. Because the RAGE circuit reduces stress and anxiety. It lowers our blood pressure and regulates our nervous system.
It’s our RAGE circuitry that empowers us to be protective and to advocate for whatever might be needed in the moment. I’ll admit, sometimes RAGE or anger can feel really scary. Maybe you experienced RAGE or anger being aimed at people who have less power, and that can be very frightening. It can even be traumatic.
If that’s been your experience than I’m wondering, do you need acknowledgment that RAGE isn’t meant to be used against the people we love? RAGE isn’t meant to be used against people who are dependent upon us.
When people have a vow to stop their anger, to diminish it and keep it small, it’s as if they are turning down the volume on their own very life energy. Our whole system, our whole body, responds to RAGE, and RAGE is activated when resources are being threatened. So, it’s important to reclaim that circuitry, if it’s ended up having blocks in it, because we turned down our life energy.
If you’d like to become more familiar with RAGE as a protective life force, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
Watch the preview of my course “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 111]
I’m enjoying the sunshine coming out again in my neighborhood. I’m also enjoying having conversations with other people. Some of the people I’ve had conversations with have been really uncomfortable, and they’ve been uncomfortable because the conversations being had right now are about racism. What is racism, are you an anti-racist and what does that mean and what is held in it? This is something that hasn’t been looked at very closely in many conversations.
One of the things that I’m really passionate about is slowing down any conversation to get to the heart of it. To have compassionate understanding whether I agree with the other person or not. Or, whether they agree with me or not. To have a heart connection where there is an exploration and discovery experience collaboratively that is possible. Not everyone is comfortable having a conversation like that, however.
There are some people who are quite biased in their perception, and their perception, in their opinion, is the only way for anyone to perceive something. So that could be the hallmark of a difficult conversation, when someone feels that uptight about it. When they feel that rigid in their thinking that there is a lack of flexibility or adaptability.
On the other end of this spectrum you can have conversations with people that just want to agree with whatever you say. They are wishy-washy, without firm roots in their own values. They want to be included, and want to belong, and so they go with the flow of whatever is happening in their environment.
I like to be somewhere in the middle of that. I want to be able to stay in conversations that may be perceived as difficult but being able to stay in the conversation by being grounded in my own values and living from my heart space.
When I was younger, I used to avoid difficult conversations. Some of the clients I work with, they talk about how difficult some of the conversations are and how they just don’t want to have the conversation – they want to leave. Yet, there is a metaphor I use of a tree; when you think of a tree of scarcity or of judgement, when we’re living in that tree then our thinking is judgmental. We are labeling and analyzing people, we are caught up in our own thinking, or denying responsibility, or making demands on other people and we think we deserve lots of stuff. This is a privileged way of looking at life.
For me, I know I’m abiding in that tree when I’m having predominate feelings of anger, or guilt, shame and depression. I’m making myself wrong or diminishing my sense of self, or I’m making someone else wrong. That can become a looping predominate pattern that that is just the way you perceive things, with a negativity bias attached to it.
When I can recognize I’m in that paradigm, that way of being, I slow down and come back into my body using my inner modalities to tune in as a multi-sensory being. I begin to sense into what is right now, which slows down all that inner chatter to begin to feel the sensations in my being and begin to link them to what is the emotional quality, or flavor of energy that is running through me.
So, curiosity is a really great tool to use in this process; to get really curious about my own inner experience. When I connect it with what I am valuing it starts to clear all the mental clutter out. This allows me to open my heart to be curious about others experiences in order to stay engaged in the conversation.
What I’m doing is building a bridge of trust inside of my own self with Life. It’s by having that connection with Life that supports me to stay engaged with others in Life. So, when I can recognize a pattern, I can slow down and begin to tune in to what is really happening. Then I can be curious and listen to people who speak differently than me, that have different thoughts than I do, and they ask different questions than I do.
I don’t need to take it personally or get defensive or scared, instead, I can stay interested and grounded in
I’ve been contemplating something, and I’m curious, what do you do when you are speaking with someone and they don’t give you a response? They may look at you, but there is no change in their facial expression. Or, maybe they look vacantly off into space, but there is no response. It’s as if you haven’t spoken at all.
For me, I consider then, what’s going on for this person? Have they been depressed? Are they having a flat affect because the depression has become very severe? Or have they been filled with anxiety, and their system has been flooded with cortisol and adrenaline and they are flat out wiped out.
But how does this impact your nervous system? What do you do? How do you stay present with the lack of response?
Well, I’ve been on this journey for a while now, and I have discovered that it is possible to keep showing up in our world. It’s possible to keep showing up and staying in relationship, even when you are not receiving a notable response back.
It’s possible to stay curious and open-hearted. This is possible especially when you have been discovering, empowering, and enabling your own system to experience how much you matter in those moments as well. We need to be able to take care of ourselves to be available to be supportive of others.
We need to be able to receive resonant acknowledgement of what it’s like to be us! In order to stay curious and open-hearted around what it’s like for others to be them. And, to have reciprocal relationships where I matter, and you matter. We all matter.
We need to be held in a container where our worst moment is acknowledged. I’ve had this happen just recently and it was pretty astonishing and transformative for me. Getting to be held by another, where there is trust, to go deep. Time-traveling to my little Gloria and checking in with her. Slowing down, being in my body and checking in, what is it like for little Gloria?
She was sitting there wondering how to be with this frozenness. Then, slowing down to go a little deeper, there is a fear in her, and a belief, that I will make it worse if I say or do anything. Especially if the other person is not giving a response. Really hyper-alert, hypervigilant to be able to tell, is there danger here? I uncovered a contract that my little one had inside of her, by being able to hear, “Do you need acknowledgement that it’s only gotten worse? That things only get worse in your world?” It was astonishing to receive that guess.
It was like, oh my gosh! I am actually being seen for what it was like for little me. And then another guess, have you stopped breathing? Is your stomach in a knot? Is it so scary right there, not knowing how to be with your experience? Is there a need for acknowledgement that you are stuck in alarmed aloneness?
When I received those guesses I could feel, especially through my right side of my neck and shoulder blade, it was this relaxation response. It was as if it had been held tight for a really long time. I was really needing to know there is no wrong thing that I could do in this world.
But underneath that, the vow that needed to be released was hearing my little self believe, “Well, I must be just icky. I’m an icky person. I will believe I am icky in order to make sense of the abandonment of my life. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.” To really believe that I’m icky, and it was such a little girl voice or phrasing that came out. To meet that with warmth, resonance and compassion, that’s so important.
So, I said, “Little Gloria, I hear this vow that you made to me, and I don’t like it for you. I release you from this vow, and I revoke the contract, and I bestow upon you my blessing. My blessing to know there is no wrong thing that you can do. I bless you with resiliency and courage to trust yourself. To trust your own inner knowing, the wisdom that resides within your heart, within your soul. To be able to keep showing up in this world, even when it feels so crazy making. For yo
Have you ever forgotten to bring something when you’ve gone to an appointment? I know I have. Yet, there is something different inside our consciousness where we forget, or it’s like a part of us deliberately forgets. But we want to become conscious of it. So, how do we begin to bring what’s unconscious to our consciousness?
I was working with someone the other day and they forgot to bring some of the paperwork that they were planning to bring to be able to get some support around some things. When they realized, and it was acknowledged and pointed out that it wasn’t here, that they didn’t have it, they immediately had a felt sense of deep sadness that went clear into despair. There was a really big reaction to that.
So, we took time to slow down the process right there. Just slowing it down and calling a pause, to uncover what were the shadow beliefs that were underlying that deep sadness and despair. They discovered that they were tapping into a sense of unworthiness. An immediate belief of, “I’m wrong. I am a failure. I’m going to be made wrong.”
I don’t want to be in a hurry when this kind of a shadow begins to emerge and make itself known. I want to catch the rhythm of the person I am accompanying. So, we slowed way down and went into the heart-space. Our heart-space, the electromagnetic field there, really supports us to be in communion with the cells of our body where our implicit memories that are unconscious reside. It can make them accessible to us.
So, this person slowed down to be with their inner experience. They didn’t have an actual memory that popped for them. What they did have was a felt sense that this was the way it had always been in their life. There was an experience that if there was something pointed out that they did wrong then they would be left behind or they would be sent away, or there might be harm that would be done to them. As a result of this lifetime experience, they felt like they wouldn’t exist anymore. If they were made wrong, then they would be banished.
It was like a very little voice that said, “I may as well go hide under a rock and die.” Because that experience was just too hard. So, slowing down to acknowledge the need right there that wasn’t met. The need for a sense of warm accompaniment and understanding, as well as having the experience of unconditional love and acceptance. So really recognizing there was an unconscious contract here. They took the time to drop in and name the contract, solemnly swearing to Essential Self, and there was a tangle in there; they were going to stay small and innocent in order to be taken care of by others for protection. They were also going to do everything perfect in order to be loved.
Because, if they felt they were going to be left or sent away, they wanted to avoid that pain of alarmed aloneness. So, slowing down to be with that and inviting in our Essential Self, our Spirit, to actually hear this contract or vow that we’ve made to ourselves in order to avoid the pain that was just too much for our nervous system, no matter the cost to ourselves or those that we love.
We check in with our Essential Self and say, “Did you hear that vow that your little one made to you?” Then taking the time to actually hear it. It can be so helpful to actually see the small child self that we were, to bring up self-compassion.
“Yeah I heard it and I don’t like it.” Then speaking to the child self, “I release you from this contract and I revoke the vow. I bestow upon you my blessing in it’s place.” The blessing was so beautiful. It was being blessed with love, closeness and security. For the courage to reach out and to know you have companionship in your heart. And like an elephant, you’ll never forget that. To know you’ll be met with compassionate understanding.
This brought a lightness to this one’s whole head, which had felt very heavy before, and there was an experience of relaxation and the sadness had dissipated.
I got to work with somebody who was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Their anxiety had gotten so heightened in them that they were immobilized. They could feel a rumination inside of them where they were worrying, they felt anxious, they acknowledged that something just felt wrong, but they just couldn’t get clear on what it was.
They were on edge, yet there was an immobility that was happening that was keeping them stuck. Keeping them worrying about things but not clear exactly on what was keeping them stuck. They were wondering, “what is wrong with me? Why is this happening?” and their adrenaline kept increasing.
I want to acknowledge that when this happens, if we have anxiety as human beings, we don’t have clarity on which circuitry has been stimulated. We have different circuitry in our system that take care of us. But, the experience of anxiety we can tell the difference if its because we are scared of something, or if its because we are feeling alarmed and alone. Those are two different circuits that we have in our system.
Yet, it is possible to feel the relief, to experience relief. It’s possible for the anxiety to be resonated with so it can calm, and the miracle of that is we can do this with resonant language. We can feel felt in relationship with another. When we are accompanied right where we are, in the midst of the experience of our anxiety, we can be empowered to name how we feel. For there to be resonance with that and acknowledgement of that worst moment – what it was like – or what it is like in the moment for us.
Maybe we’ve had to live with really scary things. Or maybe we’ve had to live with a very deep sense of aloneness. When we’ve lived with that for most of our lives it can be unconscious and deep in our nervous system.
One of the things we can do is we can reach out and get support from another human being. Hopefully someone skilled with understanding around how the circuits of emotion and motivation work within us, to help us begin to co-regulate. Because all internalized regulation is possible by first having co-regulation with another. Our nervous systems sync up and we begin to discover something new.
When we can slow down and come into our body, we can notice what it’s like, and tap into the feelings of that anxiety. We can begin to notice our body sensations. Does it feel jittery? Do we have a dry mouth? Is there an increase in our heart rate and does our breathing get quicker? Do we have sweaty palms, and do we startle really easily like we are going to jump out of our skin? That would be more of the type of experience we would have when we are having the anxiety of FEAR.
Maybe our experience is different. Maybe we have a heaviness in our upper back and in our shoulders. We have a little bit of a downturned mouth; we might even have difficulty smiling. Or, we can find it difficult to meet someone’s eyes. We can have an experience of helplessness and hopelessness about ever being accompanied by another, and we can feel that physical frozenness, immobilized from the inside out. We can spiral down into a sense where we are worried, we don’t matter, or we are going to be left all alone, again.
I want to call a pause and hold that with so much tenderness and care. I’ll make a couple guesses, “Did you grow up without having your fear, or your loneliness acknowledged by another?” If so, then you may not even recognize that it’s fear or loneliness that you are carrying deep inside. For some of us our circuitry can get tangled with some of our other circuits. I want to pause right there too and acknowledge with accompaniment, “Of course you are scared. And, no wonder you feel utterly alone. Because, no one has ever acknowledged these things with you.” How important it is, to be able to be with another being that can get that.
When we have help to identify the blocks that get in the way of expressing our wholeness, of being who we came here to be, we can then begin that process of transfo
Life can feel really hard, and it can feel extremely exhausting. I know in my life there have been times when I’m in that place, when I’m that uncomfortable, that it feels like others just won’t understand.
Or, maybe it seems as if I’m being treated different because of my age, or my gender, or my job, or where I’m at. But there is some kind of a judgement that comes, and it feels like people don’t really know me. Or maybe for you it’s like people don’t even know how to have a conversation that’s real, rather than just surface. You can end up feeling sad underneath that, and all alone.
For some of us, when we go down that slippery slope, it’s a balance between falling into a pretty severe depression or feeling a lot of anger. It’s kind of black and white.
As I’ve worked with others, and myself, with this problem where life just feels so hard and so exhausting, what I’ve discovered is possible is that we can be guided by a deeper source of wisdom in our life. It is possible. When we are guided by this deeper source of wisdom we go through experiences where we discover we actually make sense! That even when we were down in our depression or our anger, and we take time to be in the uncomfortableness of it with accompaniment, then our deeper source of wisdom guides us to understand that we make sense.
We can recognize where we are on our journey. Not only can we recognize where we are on our journey, we can begin to recognize where others might be, and stay curious and open-hearted with them. Then we can nurture conversations. I actually like to nurture conversations with myself first, and when I’m in my heart there I’m able to be inspired to nurture conversations with others to stay relational.
When we are in that kind of an experience, it’s possible to experience a sense of oneness in life. From there (I was inspired to hear another person speak about this) there can be the experience when we are in that field of oneness that we recognize others, even when we think they don’t understand, we can recognize them and say, “You are a part of me that I do not yet know.” There is an openness to getting to know this other being. With curiosity and an open-heart.
So, taking the time to be in our experience is to understand “what is it that I wish to contribute to my people, to the world, to the oneness, to the generations that go on?”
One of the things I wish to practice is considering others, considering how the actions, and the viewpoints, and the way I show up in this world, how it actually impacts and ripples forward into the lives of everyone else. Especially my own children and grandchildren and then their children.
What I want to bequeath to them, and to the culture, and to the community that they are going to be nurtured in and grow up with, is to have the experience that everyone matters and that they make sense. Also, for there to be a practice of a way of being; slowing down to focus on our heart, to embody our life experience, and to take time to do this in relationship with others.
What might that look like? It’s coming into Presence. I like to put my hand on my heart, because it supports me to focus there, then I bring to my mind someone or something or some place that brings up gratitude from within me. Then, I focus on that gratitude and allow it to develop into compassion filled with warmth and resonance. It fills up all of my energy field and then I send it forth from there. It’s a practice of loving kindness, first with myself and then out with the world.
I invite you to practice this, and to notice what it’s like for you, and then maybe share it with a friend or a loved one. Let me know how that goes, I’d love to hear from you at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing
Have you ever been really cranky? Maybe more than cranky. Maybe something happened and your day, or in relationship with others, and you flipped your lid and got really angry. I want to acknowledge right off the top that for me anger always represents that there are a whole lot of needs that are going unnoticed or unmet. Or both.
I worked with a client the other day who was feeling really angry. Really cranky. The trigger was witnessing the inaction of others. They felt so angry about it, because what they saw as an inaction, the people in their life were being distracted by social media, by technology. They really like their computers or spending time with their friends which was triggering a lot of emotional dysregulation in their relationship with these people. What they noticed is that it was interrupting motivation, being empowered to be in full choice and experience shared reality. This trigger was really big for them.
When I talk about a trigger, I’m talking about when you get really uncomfortable in your skin. What happening is your system is alerting you that something is arising that is bugging you. When something is bugging you, it would be really great to pay attention to it and see what’s happening underneath that.
With my client, what they were noticing as we unpacked it was that they were telling themselves, “It’s just the final straw!” When these other people don’t follow through with something, it’s just too frustrating for them. They would tell themselves that those people only care about others, they don’t care about me.
It was something about being unnoticed or dismissed or looked over the top of. Yet, you know what was possible? To slow time down. To slow time down enough to be in the inner experience. As we slowed time down the client tapped into a memory of being five years old. They were getting to visit at their dads as their parents had split up and they had two separate homes.
Their dad was talking about building a tree house, and they got so excited at the idea of getting to have a tree house! As time went on – the tree house didn’t happen. There was no follow through with it. So, this child-self was sitting with the tension and nausea that came up in their body because there was so much shame. And, as five-year old’s do, they began to take the responsibility on themselves. Because, when we are little, we have so much love for others in our life. Even when they don’t follow through.
This child was thinking, “What’s wrong with us? We must be really bad. Maybe I’m a weirdo.” The core belief was “Whatever I do is never enough, it’s just never enough.”
As we stayed with the body the client noticed a sense of alarm and feeling really alone. Going a little deeper beneath that, there was a layer of sadness. Taking time to sit right there, with this little five-year-old felt-sense of self. Breathing into that and noticing, what are the needs, and making some guesses.
“Do you really like it when there is reliability? When someone says something, they actually do it? And follow through? And they stay in relationship with you too? Do you like consistency, curiosity and warmth in relationships and are you just really hungry for that?”
The little one said, “Yes, absolutely!”
So, taking time to be in our inner experience is really radical and important work. It’s not easy! It can be really super uncomfortable in our bodies. Yet, when we are willing to do that and slow down to practice noticing our emotions, noticing our implicit sea, or inner sea of experience. Slowing down and checking in with our hearts, allowing there to be some accompaniment that is warm and not in a hurry, but willing to be right there where we are.
When we can begin to practice that consistently, it starts to change the neuropathways that we have, to be able to stay in relationship with ourselves. Then we can stay in relationship with others.
If you’d like some personal support, or if you’d like to join a small group,
Have you ever blamed somebody for something? Or, have you been on the receiving end of being blamed for something? Blame is a funny thing; on the surface it’s a way of making yourself or others wrong, so it can be used as a weapon. If we can blame someone else, then maybe we won’t have to take responsibility for something. If we can blame ourselves, maybe we can at least come up with a reason why something is the way it is. It must be my fault. This is the way we have been conditioned in our world; to use blame in this way; to imply wrongness in ourselves and others or to criticize.
I did a little exploration with this in a small group, and I tend to look into my life with my relationship with my spouse because I spend the most time with him, and we have a very strong relationship of trust. When I do these explorations, I share them with him, and I receive his blessing before I share them with the world. But they are really about me, and what is happening in my internal world, he’s just the lucky guy who gets to go along with me.
First I wanted to identify my blaming statement, and what came up for me was, “He’s wrong because he goes out and he works at other people’s places and does work for other people and he’s not here doing projects for me. I want him to do a project here for me until it’s completed.”
So, when I’m thinking about him, I’m wondering, is he doing this intentionally or is he abdicating choice about it? I don’t believe he is doing this intentionally not to complete a project for me, I think he’s really busy and does it for a living and so he’s wanting to take care of his clients. He also likes to gift our adult children by building things for them.
When I take the time to sit with that, I wonder, what am I trying not to mourn? Or, what do I wish weren’t true? That slows me down a little. What I’m trying not to mourn is that I don’t get to have more time with him, and what I wish weren’t true is that there weren’t limited hours in the day so we could spend time together in the day more and more often.
Yet, when I think about, if this other person were actually choiceless, are there implications that I’m not doing or being enough? So, part of it is I could communicate more clearly, I could make clear requests and have more conversations for mutual understanding together. The truth of it is there is a part of me that was stuck in blame because when I could just on the surface look at it, then I could say, “Well, he’s just not doing it.” And it’s a way for me to take myself off the hook.
Yet, when I take responsibility for it, I’ve not been choiceless at this point, I’ve been unconscious. I haven’t been paying attention. When I take the time to really unpack it; what am I trying not to mourn? What do I wish weren’t true?
I wish it weren’t true that I didn’t pay attention. I wish it weren’t true that sometimes I go to a place of not thinking or feeling. I just get busy, to try and fill in the space. What that reveals to me is the beauty of the longing in my heart.
I long to live my life rooted and grounded in awareness, in aliveness, in fluidity and in the now. To really cherish each moment that I have with my husband and for there to be a reciprocal agreement around how we are choosing to use our time, and acknowledgement. That’s the beauty right here, acknowledgement of the beauty of the needs that we are intentionally meeting, by placing our attention and our time where we do.
Also, the beautiful longing to trust that there is enough time for everybody, and to enjoy each moment while we are in it. To savor them. I love each moment I have with him. He is a remarkable man.
This was quite a surprising experience and life lesson for me; how important it is to take the time to apply these life lessons in my life each day, and to speak about them openly and transparently with others. To invite others to begin to step into this way of living as well. Rooted and grounded in your roots of compassio
I’d like to share with you a life lesson that I have just recently learned. What it’s around is noticing your own inner pattern of wanting to do what others do. You may not even be consciously aware of it in the moment, but be so influenced by other people’s choices that are in close proximity to, or that you are spending time with.
Recently I’ve noticed this in relationship with my husband. I found it fascinating, yet I had a sense that inside there was a quality like it was secretive; that it was like I was being sneaky about when I would make a choice if he didn’t make a choice. I found that just fascinating!
So, what I did was reach out to my long-term empathy buddy, and I got a little support around that. We all need support in our lives, we all need accompaniment.
Stepping into a container of warmth, care, and resonance, I was able to name this experience and discover that there was no shame or judgement – I was not met that way. Instead, there was an acknowledgement that I just love complete relaxation. There was a deep release inside, just being able to name that, to have the freedom to name that.
After awhile I was able to notice a tension that came up my back and the back of my neck. Very much like the hair on the back of my neck standing up. Which, again, I met with a lot of curiosity and interest. What was uncovered was an inner belief that someone was going to find me and then I would lose this safe haven, and my relaxation. So, I went on alert!
What this part needed, even though we had time-traveled to her, was to have the experience of time actually stopping. When time stopped, then my inner child no longer needed to be monitoring the environment. She could relax at a cellular level. There was a recognition that this is not the way it was when I was a child, most of the time. This was revealing to my friend and I an unconscious contract.
It went something like this; “I, small Gloria, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will steal moments of freedom with small sips and small chips that relax me. I really liked chocolate chips and I really liked salty chips! I liked drinks that were sweet and smooth and refreshing. I would steal these moments of freedom in order to make sure that my soul gets to exist in the controlling system where I live. No matter the cost to myself or those I love. Which made it really final.
I had tears I was so deeply touched by my child-self wanting to make sure my soul gets to exist. Such a beautiful contract. Being with her though, and recognizing my child-self, I released her from this contract, and I revoked the vow in order to bestow my blessing upon her.
I blessed her with the felt-sense that it’s not dangerous now. She gets to have the freedom not to choose what she eats, what she drinks, where she goes, and who she spends time with. She gets to do this my looking into her own heart and soul; rather than looking outside of her to see what others are doing. That is a huge difference.
When this happened, it was as if she took me by the hand, and the hand of my empathy buddy, and she invited up to go up a tree with her. She had a tree in the backyard as a child, a big fur tree. She’d climb up to the tippy-top where there were branches like a seat where she would sit with whatever she had taken from the house. A lot of saltine crackers and chocolate chips; those were the favorite things. We sat up there and enjoyed the smell, being in nature, with the wind blowing us slowly back and forth. It was beautiful.
From there I asked her, “Would you like to come home with me?”
To which she responded, “Yes, I would!”
What we got to do was another thing she enjoyed as a child. Flying. We took hold of hands and stepped off into the air where we could float, and the wind gently carried us all the way back here to Healing You Sanctuary. It was so wonderful and such a surprise the freedom that can come when we take the time to trust that there is a safe haven that we ca
Did you know that we are profoundly relational when we are tiny beings? It’s true. We are born being relational. When we have trauma that happens in our life, a good metaphor of that could be having a long string that gets in a big tangle. Have you ever tried to get a tangle out of string? Especially when it’s really fine string?
One of the clients I work with has uncovered the truth that when they were tiny, they didn’t have the opportunity for others to be relational with them. Yet, because we are born profoundly relational it can cause a big tangle in our string of life.
How that has shown up in this one’s life is to be close to a person and enjoying time with them, and then something in their environment triggers this trauma tangle inside, and it’s as if something takes over. Without conscious awareness there is this deep inner shift within, and a profound sense of lack, and a belief that they are just not enough, and they have absolutely nothing of value to contribute.
One of these instances was triggered by the presence of another being that was contributing in a circle and was able to engage. There was something about this that caused this other person to withdraw, shut down inside, and believe “I’m not good enough.”
There is a really big need for compassionate understanding and for them to be met right there in their experience. Without being made wrong. So, the practice can become, with repetition of being held in this way, we can begin to practice noticing when the trigger gets alarmed. We can notice the unfolding of this automatic pattern of this trauma bubble overcoming all out senses. We can begin to witness ourselves.
As we practice this witnessing of self in action, without judgment, there is something that begins to happen inside. Especially if we can begin to practice a warm eye gaze. In order to develop this, we need to actually be held and accompanied by another that is skilled in this way. It is an exquisitely gentle process.
For the unfurling of the inner being to experience being noticed, mattering, and making sense while being accompanied, rather than being left alone in their alarm. It begins this miraculous inner experience. It’s like a solvent comes in with the warmth and resonance of accompaniment, and all the sticky glue where all the trauma pieces were glued together begin to melt away, and things begin to unfurl and become untangled. What a relief this is to the nervous system!
Being able to have this practice in place does require that there is a trust that begins to grow from the inside out. From one heart to another. I’m so privileged to get to journey with people as they make these discoveries and become empowered from within.
Empowered to be able to name their experience in the moment, but also before that to be empowered to call a pause and drop into their body and begin to notice, and witness, their own experience. That meets needs for beauty and hope in our world, and we need more of that.
If you are seeking accompaniment in your life reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 103]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I want to acknowledge that trauma can be really huge for us. It’s connected to how we perceive our world as well as how we make meaning in our life. I had a session with a client earlier, and they shared how when they were getting off a call with someone, that they were in this state of feeling incapable of existing. It was as if there was a dark shroud surrounding them, enveloping them. They could sense something was awry and a deep sense of disappointment was within them, not feeling complete. Yet, at the same time there was an experience of feeling incapable of doing anything. Ever again. A sense that there was no going back to where they had been before. I’m imagining it was a kind of lostness.
So, slowing down and being able to hear the message that the trauma-self had received in this experience was I’m incapable. The importance of connection in that moment with me was to slow time down for them to actually feel felt in that moment. And, to recognize that there was a part of them that had been fractured and splintered yet was now ready to feel felt.
This is a very initial step in integrating past trauma, to be met right there in the experience; feeling the sense of a shroud around you, the darkness and incapability with the starkness that there was absolutely nothing you could do to get back. Then to slow time down to deepen into naming a sense of befuddlement, of not knowing what might happen next.
Then there was another part that emerged as well, that had a belief that it was the end of the earth, the end of time, and they would never figure it out. They would be lost forever in this sense of befuddlement.
I want to take a pause right there, and acknowledge to be able to name that after all these years of having this inner experience; of this dark shroud, and never being able to get out, or get back to how they were before. To be able to name it is a huge step in healing trauma. To be able to name and acknowledge one’s experience, to acknowledge those worst moments that they suffered in isolated aloneness. Or alarmed aloneness. We are not meant to be alone in these ways.
As we were able to hold this, with gentleness and care, there was a new realization that came up; it was a stark disbelief, it was unthinkable that a child would experience that. All by themselves and hold it in and never name it. So, we sat with that too. Just to be with it, not to make it wrong, not to judge it, not to judge anyone, but to be with that experience that felt so enormous. It was enormous.
Then, checking in with the body and noticing what is happening. It’s so important to keep bringing our body into our conscious awareness. Noticing our sensations, noticing any impulses for movement, and then time traveling to this younger part. First getting consent, “Is it okay if we time-travel to you?” Once we receive consent to go there and sit beside her in this experience, until there is a deepening of the breath, a shifting of the energy and felt sense of self.
We then ask, would they like to time-travel home? What would that look like and where would they be? This one had a memory of getting to float in beautiful blue tropical water. It was so gorgeous and so heavenly and so light. They wanted to float and be able to be wherever they desired. What a beautiful way to invite this part into a sense of warmth into a container of safety and beauty with accompaniment.
These tender parts need exquisite gentleness with their accompaniment. No pressure. Just to be where they are is enough. If you’d like to travel with some accompaniment on a journey, I’d invite you to reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Metho
How do you deal with change? It can come in many different ways. Some of us, when change happens, especially if it’s unexpected, we get angry about it. Because, we don’t like change. We like things to stay on an even keel, we like the familiarity of things not changing at all. Some of us say that the older we get the harder change becomes because we are stuck in our ways. Well, that’s pretty true for a lot of us, because it gets uncomfortable. And, we don’t like to feel uncomfortable.
Others of us, we might get startled, feel really uneasy. Uncertainty can come up for us because it’s new territory to navigate and change means things are different. The need for predictability can come up. We get comfortable with familiarity. We think we already know things then; we don’t have to learn them all over again.
Maybe you get scared. It may come up in the form of feeling scared you won’t succeed, or that you’ll get it wrong. I know that people like me, we don’t like to get it wrong. We want to know that we are going to get it right! Or we get worried that things are never going to feel easy again.
Sometimes change can feel really drastic. It can feel like things go from black to white. Or maybe it went from black and white to wild color! Again, we are not clear on what the path is now.
But, you know, the truth is that change is happening all the time. The problem is that we might not be noticing it. Change happens every moment of every day and we can notice it when we take the time to have eyes to see it.
When we live with a sense of unawareness it can feel like change just sneaks up on us. This can happen in many different ways, for me most recently it happened by getting to have a new granddaughter. Because my daughter, who just had this baby, is the same age that I was when I first had a baby girl. That just seems like it was only a blink of an eye ago, and now I have a new granddaughter.
This makes a lot of changes, changes that I did notice the first time becoming a mother of a daughter. Now there are new changes happening as I’m the mother of a daughter, who has a new daughter. One of the gifts that I’m receiving from these changes, is I’m noticing the patterns with more clarity and compassionate understanding.
It is possible to begin to notice our reactions to changes and be able to be in response, to have choice. Rather than completing our original reaction, we can slow down and begin to respond from our heart energy. We can then even begin to welcome the unexpected and be comfortable with the unknown.
How do you do this? Well, for me it’s been by developing presence, and cultivating curiosity, which helps to grow my awareness. It’s possible to learn to welcome our emotions and receive the information that they hold for us. They bring messages to us when we learn how to listen.
If you’d like to join me, and get to explore this more fully, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 101]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Do you ever get busy? Do you ever get so busy that you push on, even when you are exhausted and really tired? Maybe you want to be really organized and planning things out. Wanting to make sure you have a good diet, that you are exercising to be healthy, and you are taking note of the things that you want to do. As well as, the things you don’t want to do. So, you get really busy and there doesn’t seem to ever be enough time. Maybe you are afraid you are wasting time, because you value the time you have, so you do your best to get as much done as possible.
Then, there is a part of you that starts making “doing” wrong, because you also value being a very embodied presence, as “One” with the Universe. So, you start giving yourself a hard time and telling yourself that you are not doing things “good enough.” Or, giving yourself a bad time telling yourself that you don’t have enough willpower or strength. This can come in many different forms, depending upon our life experience, but when we get so hard on ourselves and fall into a sense of “lack” it can feel pretty stretching to find our way out.
I want to acknowledge though, that it is possible. It’s possible to slow down and to uncover what the unconscious contracts are that are driving your behavior and running you ragged. That are pushing you one when you are just exhausted. It’s like a compulsion, you are compelled to “do.”
For some of this it might be a contract that sounds something like, “I will behave as commanded in order to survive.” This was just the way we were brought up, it’s a way that seems to be in our very DNA. When we can take the time to go through a depth-process, that allows us to release that unconscious contract, it’s possible to feel empowering freedom from the inside out.
It’s possible to access your birthright for joy in the present moment. For you to have full self-expression in the world. And, then, there is a sense of more lightness and even being more energized by touching into your own heart and unpacking what’s never been unpacked before.
When I experience this there is a clarity that comes from inside. Learning feels easy, engaging in conversation is a joy, and there is a gratitude that leads from my heart. For me this is when “doing” comes back into balance and is in service of “Being.” What I do comes from Being in my heart, “Being” embodied in Love. That is a balance, and then what we produce is productive.
So, the practice that I invite you to consider is to notice when you push yourself; slow down and breathe. Connect with your heart to calm your mind. Allow yourself to learn how to translate whatever that compulsion was that was driving you, to slow down to translate that into the beauty of the need that is underneath it.
If you’d like to join others in learning these skill sets, you can preview my course at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com it’s the Healing You Journey, and I’d love to accompany you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 100]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever taken a fall, gotten hurt, and needed to ask for help? I had a fall, pretty recently, I was on a hike, slipped and fell on some branches and got a puncture wound on my shin. I was laid up for awhile because it was a severe injury and I’m grateful I had the support that I needed. To be able to rest and receive support from people as I needed it.
A client I work with took a tumble when they were riding their bike. Through that experience they felt vulnerable, their injuries got infected and they needed to ask for help. Yet they found they were stuck in a fear that they would be attacked and made wrong. They believed there wasn’t any guidance that they could receive. This felt incongruent to them, so they reached out to me for help.
This is a different kind of help; to unpack what was causing that stuckness inside from this injury that they had and this infection, to have such a strong visceral reaction. They had some shadow beliefs coming up for them. As I took the time to slow the process down, to be with what was arising, the memories of when this person was 11 or 12 came up.
They were asking for some support from their mom, and they were shut down and dismissed. They were not welcomed as they were. In fact, they were scolded and told things like, “You should have listened to me before.”
When they expressed unhappiness, they would be told with sternness, “Well, I don’t know what you have to be unhappy about. You won’t find a better family that you could live with.” So, they didn’t feel included, or acceptance from a young age. They didn’t feel supported to learn how to do things, and they developed some beliefs that there was something wrong with them. They didn’t believe they could trust themselves, rather then developed the habit to attempt to control everything.
Have you ever had the experience where you attempt to control everything so that it can feel safe and calm? It’s a flurry inside when we are attempting to control everything outside of ourselves.
We did a little time-travel empathy with their younger self, and we were able to recognize the need for inclusion, because this part felt excluded. It felt chaotic, and like they were a failure and not worthy of acceptance. So, the needs under that are to first slow down and acknowledge what that’s like to feel in your body. When you feel you are not worthy of acceptance, to feel the sensations, to feel where in your system this energy is stuck. Then to resonate with it, to be with it, “No wonder there is a shut down. No wonder there is a vulnerability attempting to protect self from being attacked, from being rejected.
As we sat with it then this person was able to tap into their Essential Self, their Compassionate Self. They were able to give blessings to the child self. They gave the blessing to trust their inner knowing, to be able to set authentic limits with others, and to have accompaniment from within themselves, with self-acceptance. They envisioned being able to hold hands with their younger self as they had an inner-parts dialogue and invited the younger self to come home with them, to live with them, to be included and experience mattering.
There are two different parts; there is the child part and there is the adult part that can reach back in time and take the child’s hand and welcome them home. To invite them to come back into your own heart. As they were able to move through this process there were powerful sensations in their sternum. And, the request the child-self had for them was would they be willing to slow down in their life and take the time to become present to their body’s wisdom to check in with Self. Then there was a sense of clarity, ease and comfort. It was a beautiful healing experience.
So, how important is it to be able to recognize the ever-present-past when it begins to surface in our life. To have the courage to reach out for some support when we need it. When we get to have that support, with resonance, wa
Have you ever come home at the end of a long day, walk into your kitchen and see that it’s a mess? What’s that like for you?
I was working with a client the other day and this was an experience they had; walking into the kitchen and finding it a big mess. They experienced intense frustration and anger, their head felt like it was spinning and there was a clenching in their gut. The thoughts running through their mind were, “I just can’t believe that I have to do this again? Why do I have to be the one that always cleans everything up?” The outcome was a sense of resentment, a burning deep inside. They felt they had no support and were all alone.
Slowing it all down to uncover some of the shadow beliefs; “I am all alone. I can’t trust myself. Life is a struggle. I’m not important. I don’t matter.” They were feeling very powerless. Slowing down right there to receive some acknowledgment around what it’s like to have that enormity rise up within them.
Slowing down to be in the heart and ask, “What is ready for healing?” The astonishment is when we are open to receiving what is ready for healing, when they could welcome that, this one went back in time to when they were just a child. They were going for a long drive to go see their grandparents. Their family didn’t have extra money to buy special things, but when they pulled over at the gas station their parents gave them some money to go in and buy a pop. This was a really big surprise! They went inside, bought a pop, came back out and gave the change to their dad.
Their dad asked, “Where’s the rest of the money?”
They answered, “That’s all they gave back.”
To which the dad replied, “That’s just too expensive, you take that back in there and get the money back.”
The experience for this child was crushing, humiliating and shaming. They went from such excitement to such lowness and shame, to take that pop back in and get the money back. This experience had been buried pretty deep. Not having support. Life is a struggle. I don’t matter. No wonder these beliefs were running within this person. To be able to have some consideration and care, just acknowledging the needs for thoughtfulness, no wonder they were falling into the sense of resentment and rage, wanting to punch things.
They were taking these actions from unconscious programs within them from that traumatic experience to protect themselves from the internal pain of being disempowered. In order to never be disempowered again.
Being supported to slow down and hear that contract inside and ask their Essential Self if they heard the contract, and then are they ready to release it. From there they can receive a blessing. To bless this child-self with strength, consistent wisdom, to be just, generous and calm. To be blessed to know they are important, that they are the One, they make a difference in the world. They are empowered.
To sit with that and feel that, deep inside, to notice what that is like. The body had a very gentle relaxation release. Then there was a sense of clarity and empowerment that comes from that.
The lesson here is to recognize when we have these really strong reactions in life, it’s an opportunity to slow down and be with our inner experience, in order to have a new experience. One that supports us to stay open hearted rather than closing down.
Resentment can be very powerful to diminish who we really are. When we have the courage to have the inner exploration and bring in the Light, we can be in relationship with others in that resonate field. That’s where the healing unfurls.
If you’d like to explore this with me, I invite you to reach out at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com click on the links there and we’ll have a conversation.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Me
I was thinking about what was the lesson that life has taught me today. The lesson I’ve learned is the importance to have relationships that are built on solid, consistent, and clear communication. That is really important, because, ruptures are inevitable in all relationships.
I used to think a rupture was like the end of the world when I was young. And, it felt like the end of the world, because I would feel so sad to have this big rupture between me and this other person I cared about. What I’m so grateful to have learned is that when you build consistently clear communication in your relationships with others, then you can stay engaged in the conversation, especially when there are ruptures.
Just because there is a misunderstanding, or a different point of view, we don’t need to make one another wrong. And, we don’t need to make ourselves wrong either. When we can recognize that there is a difference between us, we can invite curiosity into our relationship. We first need to notice though.
We need to notice what I call a “shift left”. When I shift left, I move more into my left hemisphere and I’m not as relational. When I can notice that I can slow down inside of my own experience, inviting myself to come back into relationship with myself.
That’s the first step in making repairs and coming back into relationship with others; making sure you are heart-connected first. This is very similar to when you ride in an airplane and you hear the whole safety talk about putting your own oxygen mask on yourself first so you can be available to help others.
The same is true with having ruptures; we can have ruptures with ourselves and we can have ruptures with others, but regardless, we need to make repairs within ourselves to have self-connection first, to have self-compassion. This allows us to have an open heart to others’ experiences.
I like the analogy of trees, because I love trees, and this analogy has supported me in my life as I was on my path; learning how to self-connect and learning how to receive my own answers from within. The trees are in many sacred texts; one is the tree of scarcity or judgement, which is the tree that many of us live in and are conditioned by in our world. When we are in this tree, we live pretty disconnected from Life and can get caught up in our mind with what we are telling ourselves all the time. We can be judging things, we can be demanding things of ourselves or others, we can be denying responsibility or think we deserve better or more than we have. There is a lot of analyzing that goes on, which is not really being in relationship.
When we can notice that we are wanting to imply wrongness and shame or blame ourselves or others, we can come back into our heart, I like to go down into the roots of the tree and get connected with Life energy. Have you ever seen a trees root system? They are all interconnected under the ground. When we connect into the Life energy, we begin to come back to life by connecting with how we feel in our system.
We can notice, “what was it that triggered me? Right before that, what happened?” To catch; what was the shock or surprise, the hurt or disappointment? What’s the pain? We need to notice what that is like in our body. Because, when we can notice what that is like in our body, we begin our journey home from there, going into our feelings by noticing what it feels like and linking that to the need underneath it.
So, there’s these connections, these tendrils, in our roots. When we get rooted in these connections it gives us a strong foundation that we can rely on. What that looks like for me is learning how to listen to my heart and how to have a practice where I get to listen to others as well so I can practice staying in the conversation. When I take time to make an observation about what has happened and ask the other person, “When this rupture happened between us, I’m wanting to check in and see how that is for you. Is there anything you’d l
Have you ever wondered what happens after healing? I used to wonder that. When I felt really stuck in my life experiences, I read a lot of books. There are a lot of books out there about healing, about self-care and improvement. I have a lot of books on that subject. There are a lot of books around how to be a self-healer too, and how to heal your own trauma.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I’ve tried a lot of different programs; read lots of different books, listened to recordings, attended webinars and many of these things helped, but didn’t last in my life. There is always more healing to do. I became very attached to the illusion that if I could just dissolve the illusion, then I could heal. So, the problem was I felt like I was not fully healed, and I felt really stuck.
Part of the process of my own self-discovery was feeling rather alienated from others and alone in my experience. I would wonder, “Am I always going to be like this?” Then, sometimes, I’d give up for a while. I’d get more disconnected from my friends, and family. I’d get in more arguments with them and I was just not comfortable in my body. I felt pretty lonely, because I didn’t know how to talk about it.
One of the things that I’ve realized is that possible to feel strong. It is possible to feel the healing and acknowledge the healing that I have. It’s true, there are other places and pockets inside of my self that I can welcome home, and I can let that be okay. What’s possible when you find your path, where possibilities begin to emerge, and you have the courage to step into them while staying in relationship with yourself, you discover you get to choose what is next in your life. That is kind of nice! Free to choose what is next in your life.
You can draw closer in relationships with others; with your friends and with your family. You can stay interested and curious about them, even when you don’t agree with them, or they don’t agree with you. That can be okay, because you can stay in that place of connection. For me, it’s heart-connection that allows that to be possible. In that, I first needed to recognize what were the beliefs that I was telling myself that was keeping me stuck?
I realized I was telling myself that I couldn’t figure it out. I was looking outside of me for the answers that are inside of me. Because, it is possible to be directed by Divine Guidance. To be empowered to ask for support and receive it, when you are open to receiving it rather than stuck in your mind about what it is supposed to look like, sound like, or be like. You can be open to the possibility of Being with Life.
So, what are some skill sets that you need to develop there? Well, to quiet the mind; practicing some mindfulness meditations can be really supportive. Also, practicing noticing sensations in your body, noticing your breath. Just noticing your patterns with warmth and kindness. It’s also helpful to have a spiritual mentor, or guide. Someone who has been on this path; who can recognize where you are at and meet you right there to support you on your next steps.
I’m so grateful for the guides that I’ve had in my life; that have encouraged me to be who I really am. And, I encourage you to do the same, because we need you here in our world.
If you would like to learn more, and receive support along the way, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 96]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Do you notice the patterns of your life? The patterns that drive your experiences. Your motivation, your inspiration. What do you do unconsciously? We all have different patterns that we have developed unconsciously. Those unconscious patterns are what drive our behavior. What’s really cool is when you’ve slowed down in your inner world, to notice what patterns you are having, to be curious about them and see whether they are serving your life or not. Unless we can notice the pattern; it will never change, instead, it will get more deeply embedded.
Some of us, when we were little, we experienced being shamed when we spoke up. Maybe by a teacher, a parent, or other kids. When that shame experience happened, it was so painful a part of us may have made an unconscious contract of, “I will never speak up again.” Then we may have the experience of having something we want to say but we automatically don’t speak up. It’s just what we do.
Others of us may have had the experience of where we were bullied; and some of us want to shrink, get really small, and diminish ourselves so we can’t be seen and bullied again. We may make a contract within ourselves to be invisible. Others of us, when we were bullied, we decided we would fight back and worked hard to develop ourselves and made a contract more like, “I will never be beaten again. I will never back down.” And some of us may end up becoming a bully ourselves, without awareness of what we have created within ourselves.
Then, there are others of us who watch the world silently, from the sidelines. We don’t engage, we don’t speak up and may have an unconscious contract something like, “I will stay silent, so no one engages with me.” Maybe that experience was one where we just didn’t experience people engaging with us. We watched from the sidelines to figure out what we were going to do, because we didn’t have anyone to interact or engage with, to discover a different pattern, until much later. That can be caused by neglect, where people just did not check in on you, or encourage you to communicate in any way.
What each of these different experiences have in common, is that they have laid down very active patterns that guide their behavior. That is what their system uses to make decisions in their lives. We don’t realize a lot of our decisions are being made unconsciously, until, we have an experience of attuned resonance with another being. Another way of saying that is we get to have an experience engaging with somebody that has awakened. Somebody that has developed a sense of self that can read the nuanced patterns of energy and information flow in relationships with others. They interact with precision and gentleness, checking in for consent. This is a key: checking in with other people. They listen with their whole heart, not just with their mind, they listen with their body.
When you have the experience of getting to engage with somebody on that level, the unconscious contracts begin to release. They start to dissolve and become less entangled. You can begin to sense life in a different way. We get to make sense through those experiences while laying down new neural patterns. Those new neural fibers and connections sync up with our prefrontal cortex, which is our seat of creativity; where we socially engage and become present. This calms down our nervous system from the fight/flight/freeze reactions we can have and nurtures our own inner resonating witness who is with us wherever we go.
In order to have an experience like this it’s helpful to have others accompany you on your journey so you can practice developing new skillsets and thicken those new pathways you are growing within you. This creates resiliency in the face of stress. It’s rather astonishing to recognize that you don’t need to stay silent, you don’t need to be blind or not hear things. Instead, you can stay present and open. You get to experience the freedom to be who you are; the freedom to be who you w
Today I spent some time with a person who has suffered incredible neglect throughout their entire life. They have been on a long journey of healing; reclaiming their sense of self. One of the things they shared is that is was like riding a jaggedy roller coaster. Have you ever ridden one of those? They can jar you to your bones. You can get off and never be the same again.
It’s been really confusing for this person to even know who they are or even where they are, or how they have gotten as far as they have in their life. So, just taking it slow, being very relational, taking time to be with whatever experience unfolds for them is really important. Acknowledging what it’s like when you’ve had so many years where you felt slammed, boxed up, or sometimes it feels like being in a vice grip it’s so intense. I’ve heard some say that it’s a mindless and terrible place to be of this yo-yoing; here I am and now here I’m gone.
Neglect can affect us in so many different ways. There is our individual experience and then there is also our collective experience. There’s the experience that happens inside of us and then there’s the experience that happens inside of us when we are with others. We don’t feel felt. We don’t feel seen or heard. We don’t feel included.
I’m grateful to acknowledge that some of the people are recognizing that they need to be on their individual path of healing, in order to be available for others, and that’s important. One person was recognizing that in their life they had one person who took care of them, that was a black woman. From that experience this person developed compassionate understanding that they don’t believe they would have had otherwise, if it wasn’t for that relationship that supported them throughout their life.
Then there is the experience of being really triggered by white women. Especially white women who have this air about them that they “know” something. And, being equally, if not more triggered by white men who act with an air of privilege. A status or power that is a way of being in the world. So, they end up with this sense of not belonging anywhere. Not fitting in anywhere. Being the bottom of the totem pole. Completely excluded. Yet in that collective experience, when they are out in a public setting, they feel that no one knows them or even recognize that there is an exclusion happening.
In those moments, at this level of neglect, there is an incapacity to speak up. There is no way to even know how to ask for help, or that help would even be possible. There has been such a limited experience of anyone being interested or checking in on them. If they are quiet, people say, “Oh, that’s just the way they are.” They don’t know how to express, because they internalize everything. It’s an implosion that happens within them.
Sometimes, it can feel like a ticking time bomb. Needing to have a release valve like on a pressure cooker to let some of that steam out, and to allow some of those emotions to begin to surface, to be held and caught. One person was acknowledging just how unworthy they felt, due to the neglect. As a child they would follow others, trying so desperately to fit in, acknowledging it was such an oddity to experience, even then. Being accustomed to being told, “This is how it is.” And never questioning that, but making sure you do what you are told, because that was a way to attempt to fit in.
There is a need for acknowledgment how it actually feels to have this strange disconnect inside. Not being allowed to be, and not being. There is a void, or a very dark cloak that can be felt by some. How important it is to have a place where they can begin to feel felt. They can begin to get gotten. They can begin to be heard and seen, for who they really are. To be able to acknowledge their heart of compassion. To acknowledge that spark of integrity that’s deep within them that shines, and to kindle and foster that with warmth, care, and gentleness.
Because many wh
Recently I’ve been working with some people who have expressed that they have a real fear around what others might be thinking about them, or how they are perceived by others when in a group setting. It’s nerve wracking for them.
Some of them feel scared to speak up, and they do everything they can to sense what the other people might want them to say. Or, they try to figure out what they are supposed to say or how they are supposed to be. They are trying desperately to fit in, and it’s uncomfortable.
Some of them are afraid that they are going to get it wrong, or if they do say something it’s going to make everything worse. There is an inner bias that has a propensity toward negativity, without conscious awareness. A sense of lacking, or not mattering enough, of feeling unworthy.
Ultimately what can happen is they completely shut down. The experience blows their circuitry. They go blank inside, or they can stop feeling. Their body can feel lethargic or really heavy, as if their legs and arms are made of lead.
Working with people and meeting them right there in that panic, or in that pain, I begin to acknowledge what it’s like to be someone experiencing that level of overwhelm. That level of alarm and feeling so alone. Even sensing into how to be with others, how to relax and enjoy yourself. Instead there is a perpetual looping around of trying to figure it out.
I want to hold this with a lot of gentleness. I’m wondering if people who experience this way of being, if they just haven’t experienced being met right there. Being able to slow down and notice when they bring their attention to their body, where are they in their body? Many of them are up in their mind, up in their head. They aren’t able to get down into their body.
So, slowing it down even more, to be right there, where they are, in their head, without making it wrong. Because they are trying to get it right so much! Just to have acceptance where they find themselves in the now, and to be right there with them, with some gentle, warm, accompaniment.
What can begin to happen then, is like building a bridge of trust from the inside. From this place of lack, and unworthiness, and not fitting in, to begin to recognize what’s the need over here on the other side? What is the hope, or the desire, the longing of their heart? For many it’s their needing acknowledgment that they matter and that they make sense. That their experience actually makes sense. So they can begin to loosen up their throat so they can begin to express what it’s like to be them. They need a sense of belonging, which is one of the most deepest needs we have as human beings. To have a heart connection, and to know we matter, and we make sense.
As we build that strong bridge across that cavass of not knowing, then we begin to become heart connected developing curiosity and interest in order to stay engaged, rather than fearful. We are able to enjoy exploring and discovering things collaboratively with others. And, we can receive inspiration when we are there. We experience making a difference by contributing by sharing our experience in small groups or one-on-one. We can have fun as we learn to trust the process of staying heart connected with Life.
Then, instead of feeling the heaviness or the blankness of lethargy, we can experience some wonder, and some awe. And, that is a beautiful thing to experience, especially in community with others that get you, and enjoy you, and welcome you, right where you are.
So, a practice I invite you into is to notice your experience, notice what it’s like if you have the fear about, “Oh, I wonder what they are thinking about me?” Come back in to be with yourself, notice what it’s like to be in your body. Slow down, and breathe into your belly, then open up your heart connection to Life, to recognize what the need is that is underneath that. If you have that worry, “What are they thinking about me?” Maybe the need is for self-acceptance, right w
Have you ever experienced communication gaps with others you’ve reached out to? You reach out with warmth, curiosity, and interest, trusting you are going to be met right there in mutuality, yet, what you get back is rather shocking.
What you get back is a harsh tone of voice, judgments, being told what to do and how to be. I had this experience recently and took time to be with it because my reaction got my attention. I shut down inside. I was shocked. My eyes widened, my face got tight and warm, my stomach clenched, and I noticed my breathing was shallow, and nearly stopped.
I recognized I was feeling shame and running the messages that I was less than. I was beginning to doubt and question myself around things that I actually feel very strongly about. Which is about staying in relationship. What I want to recognize is, that in the moment, how important it is to slow down and self-connect.
So, let me tell you a story. One of the first times I experienced this was when I was a young child and I had my first horse. The trainers, and even the 4-H leaders, had a way of being with horses that was not relational. It was shocking to me. The horse was more of an object, or a tool, or a function. They needed to function the way you wanted them to, or they needed to receive harsh treatment.
That did not resonate with me because I loved my horse. My first horse was a beautiful little black Morgan mare named Beauty, and she was a beauty! However, when I got older and finally was able to get horses back into my life, again, I recognized the prevailing perception of how to be with animals that did not resonate with me. The perception is one with that hold an objective non-relational eye when looking at the horses, without seeing their heart and soul. Seeing them as there is something you want to get out of them. Maybe like you might look at a vehicle, a house, or clothing, or anything else that you see as a possession.
What I also recognized is how commonly this crosses over into parenting. I’ve taught a lot of parenting classes, and I’ve felt surprised and rather shocked, becoming even more passionate about offering an alternative way of being in relationship with our children. The key is to actually BE in relationship WITH our children. Not telling them what to do but having open conversations.
I experience that this is possible with our animals as well. We don’t have to tell them what to do and we don’t have to make demands. Instead, we can stay open and curious to receive information back from them.
When my daughters were younger, and they got their first horses, I looked for trainers to help us and to teach my daughters how to be with horses. It took some time to find someone that understood relationship with horses. Most trainers just wanted to tell you what to do, point out all the conformities of the horse, and tell you everything that is wrong with them, telling you how to fix “it”. And, they were missing the whole heart of what the potential conversation could be, especially with someone who is new to this type of relationship.
So, when this happened more recently with someone, and I heard this information coming back where I was being told how it was, and even projections around how I was being in relationship with my horse, I was shocked and stunned. Because, there was no curiosity directed my way. There was no compassionate understanding. There was no open dialogue or invitation for a reciprocal conversation to continue. I felt cut-off, shamed, and put in my place.
Taking time to be with myself in that experience is so important. It’s a skillset that I’ve been nurturing in myself, nurturing in my clients, and in all of my relationships. How do we stay present, fully present, and engaged, grounded in our own values, so that we are able to continue to have a conversation? How do we speak rather than having our throat cut off where we can’t say a word?
For me, part of it is recognizing where the other person
I’m wondering if your body has been picking up on all the intensity that is running through our collective society now? That’s running through the collective culture of our world!
Does your system feel some exhaustion? Does it get tired? Maybe there’s irritation and frustration that comes up because what’s happening isn’t working for the human beings in our world.
Or maybe you get scared, really scared around the lack of compassion between human beings. People forgetting that we all belong to the same human race, and there is a lot of division that is being leveraged in our world right now.
What’s it like for you when you get really tired? Or you get frustrated? Or you get scared? What happens in your system? I want to acknowledge that for many of us, who have experienced trauma in our past, those intense energies can trigger a cascade of automatic reactions within us. These reactions are not intentional at all, in fact, they are learned behavior, and very unconscious.
What this can do is “shift us left” which means we move into our left hemisphere; which is more analytical, judgmental, pragmatic, and non-relational. It’s all about the facts. When I “shift left” what I’m doing that is most harmful is I’m leaving the relationship with my own sense of self. I want to be able to stay anchored and rooted in my sense of “Being” inviting my left hemisphere to come forward and be in service of my right hemisphere, which is very relational.
It’s through this part of ourselves where our bodies wisdom comes up through our gut, our heart, and our lungs. Ninety percent of all information comes up from the body, in service of the wholeness that we are. Only about ten percent comes back down from the mind to the body. When the mind is in service of the body, we can experience a sense of harmony; of being centered and grounded in what we value. Then we can be in full choice.
So, when we’ve had trauma in our background, that capacity might not be so available, especially when it’s triggered unconsciously where we can find ourselves being in this state of being non-relational. We can feel very irritated with other people, we want to be by ourselves, and we isolate, which is self-sabotaging behavior.
And yet, I want to acknowledge that when we go into that type of a pattern, we are doing the best we can to protect ourselves and survive something that, most likely, felt unsurvivable.
What’s important is to begin to have relationships of trust that when you get triggered and you feel tired, or you feel frustrated or scared, you have a place you can reach out and you can trust you will be met right where you are – without being made wrong.
Because that’s been the pattern for many of us who have had trauma. We repeatedly show up in ways that others make wrong. They might say, “Knock it off, why don’t you just get over it.” “Get on with your life!” But there’s a lack of compassionate understanding in those messages, and they just don’t know how to respond differently.
So, in that moment of feeling that exhaustion, or the irritation, or the fear; to be met there by another being who sits with you, who understands and gets you. Who acknowledges what it’s like to be you in that moment, that is just amazing! They might say, “No wonder this has come up for you!” and acknowledge the pattern of your life experience. “Of course, this happened because this part of you has never been met in this way before. Maybe this part didn’t even know this was possible.”
But, when you get met in this way, your whole sense of self, you’ll feel your shoulders drop, your breath deepens, you might yawn and release pent up energy. It’s so amazing! For the system that was on high-alert to begin to relax into Being – that’s where the healing happens at a cellular level.
I want to acknowledge the compliance we have been conditioned into, the automaticity, to acknowledge that it makes sense. When that part begins to make sense, it gets to relax and to int
During this time in our world, there’s been a lot of opportunities to be in Solitude. Seeing it as being in solitude rather than in ‘lock-down’ – there’s a difference for me – even in the energetic quality of those words.
When I take time to be in solitude, I’m taking time to matter to myself, to be reflective of my life, and to be in choice in how I engage with myself, with others, and in our world. During this time, I’ve had opportunity to dig a little deeper into what makes me tick.
We can start to notice patterns of behavior, patterns of thought, and patterns of our knee-jerk reactions. So, I’ve had the opportunity to do quite a bit of that exploration, and for that I’m grateful. Because, as I continue this journey in life, I want to show up fully. I want to have the freedom to express who I am, regardless of the environment I find myself in.
So, I notice what quality was keeping me small? What was the pattern? When would I start to withdraw and shrink inside? When I was younger, I would literally think I could disappear by doing this. I know it’s not true now. But, when we are younger, we have beliefs that we do believe are true, and unless we have the courage, and are willing to be vulnerable and transparent, and start to trust others to accompany us, we can stay really small and limited in our expression of who we are. We need to be able to develop trust from the inside out, it’s so important.
One of the deepest shadows that I’ve gotten to know in my life, has been the shadow where auditorily, I would hear a certain tone of voice, along with the visual triggers of how I would perceive the facial expressions of others. There was a tone where I was just supposed to listen and not ask questions. That really got my attention, and I’m grateful that it got my attention at a different level of awareness.
Noticing from the inside the pause that would happen, it was more of a freeze response than a pause. Because, I practice pausing. When I practice pausing it’s to self-connect with my heart, my soul, with who I really am, so that I can be in full choice. This pause was slightly different. It was more of a freeze response. It was more like, “There’s a rattle snake close and I’ve got to be really quiet, so I don’t get bit.”
So, when I noticed that happening, I took time for some self-reflection, to do some process work. I noticed the predominate sensations and feelings were contraction and I was also really alert. I was on guard, just by the tone of voice. Taking time to be with that and tune into what are the shadow beliefs that underlie this experience. It was the sense of not being enough; a sense of lack, as well as a fear and anxiety around what might happen next and feeling totally inadequate and powerless. Those are all pretty heavy affect into freeze.
Taking time to breathe deeply and go into my heart, asking my body’s wisdom to reveal to me, what’s underlying this partial freeze and those shadow beliefs. There were a couple different memories that came up simultaneously; so, there was a bit of an entanglement inside.
One of the experiences was being really young and being told that some kids I knew were going to start doing some drugs. I got really alarmed and scared and told them, “I’m going to tell on you, because that’s really not good for you!” So, then they changed their story and said, “Oh, we’re just kidding. We just wanted to see how you’d act.” I believed them, so I didn’t tell.
But then what happened was; those same girls set me up to go out and end up having some harm done to me by others. There is something there around after the harm happened where I didn’t have a voice. That’s where the freeze happened. So, untangling those entanglements is exquisitely delicate work.
It’s not so much about ‘doing something’ or ‘fixing something’ as it is having a container that can hold that tenderly, honestly, authentically, and acknowledge the truth of what it’s like to be you, IN that experience, t
Have you ever gotten annoyed, irritated, or even indignant, when you are having a conversation with someone and they interrupt you and start to question what you are saying? It feels like they are questioning your judgment, and that they are not trusting you.
Maybe you feel a little worried, and you notice a pattern that starts to run inside of you where you start to tell yourself, “I’ve done so much to prove my trust! They should know who I am and recognize my intention.” Yet, you feel defensive and inadequate at the same time. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m just a disappointment.”
The thing is, when we get indignant and start to defend ourselves, we are using the fuel of anger in a way that is self-sabotaging. When we take the time to be in our experience, it’s possible to experience something different.
When somebody starts to question your judgment, it’s possible to respond with, “Wow, I feel a little surprise!” You recognize this person doesn’t really get you. They don’t have understanding. With that surprise you can have curiosity and interest. You can even become fascinated with this individual that is speaking to you the way they are. Because it feels incongruent, you can recognize that. You can recognize projections as they are coming toward you in the moment and know it’s not about you at all.
Because your mind set is, “I know me, and I’m grounded in my own values, and I speak up rather than staying quiet, or becoming quiet. You can stay engaged and lean into the conversation, because curiosity supports that to happen.
The key here, and the skill set to practice, is noticing when that projection is coming your way, or when it feels incongruent (what’s being said doesn’t match with what is really true inside of you) push a ‘pause’ button. Develop your capacity to slow it all down inside of yourself, and become comfortable in those pregnant pauses, and stay interested as well.
The second step is to tap into your inner modalities; notice what you are telling yourself, notice your breathing and any sensations with how you feel. Start to connect the dots from the inside out. That will provide the clarity that you need as you tap into your Roots of Connection with Life.
As we make this self-connection, we can recognize this is the first need; to stay in relationship with ourselves. When we can stay in relationship with ourselves, then we can love ourselves and remember who we are. That, right there, is what empowers us. It empowers our voice to be open and strong with conviction about how we feel and how we believe and what’s important to us, and, no one has to agree with us. And, we don’t have to agree with others, and we can still stay in conversation and be relational. There is enough room for all of us to have a voice.
So, take the time today, if you are willing, to notice when something starts to come up that feels incongruent, or out of balance, and push the ‘pause’ button. Take time to connect deep inside with your own heart and soul. Notice what that’s like as you ground in your Roots of Connection.
Developing these skill sets is so much easier when we are accompanied by others who are on that same path. If you would like to reach out to me and connect with myself and other heart-centered people, you can take those first steps on my website; www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 88]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Do you feel frustration and irritation with your work or your career? Does every new job that you’ve had tend to circle back around to the same place that you were just at in your career? Does it feel that you’ll never get any closer to living in the expression of what you really enjoy? Some type of work that would align with your values. Something that you’d really love, that you’ve been seeking, yet it feels just beyond your reach.
Maybe your experience is that you always get deferred, it doesn’t quite happen. A perpetual sense of lack or reaching yet just can’t quite grasp it. Almost there but not quite there. Maybe you start to feel a bit paralyzed, even helpless or hopeless that it’s going to even be possible to experience what you really want. What you would like, what you are able to do, maybe you are paralyzed in that it seems like the chance is there, and the opportunity is here, and you go to step up… and you freeze. It’s feels impossible to do what you said you wanted to do. How is that possible?
So, the mindset, the thinking behind that, it’s something like, “I’m just stuck. Nothing will ever change.” It’s like you send out this S.O.S. signal, “RESCUE ME! I’m stuck! Nothing’s going to change!”
There is a learned helplessness in that. Well, I’ve been there. I remember moving places and thinking, “When I move there, now things will be different.” And, I’d find myself right back there. So, I moved again – and, I found myself right back there. So, I moved again – and you know the story now – I’d find myself right back there – AGAIN! I’d think, “Oh my goodness – nothing ever will change!”
You know it might not have, except, I found a new path. On that path it was the path to new possibilities. And, what’s possible? You can let go of the strategies to control and try to make it happen. You can begin to recognize there is no such thing as a perfect job or a perfect career, because there are all different flavors of experiencing in life.
Whether you are at work, or you are at home, or you are playing, whatever it may be, there are always going to be different experiences. What is perfection after all? It is possible to live a perfectly imperfect life and feel satisfied with it. You can explore what you actually like with an open heart and an open mind. You can follow what you notice you enjoy one step at a time and actually be present in your experience. Notice how your body responds to that.
When you develop curiosity about yourself, you begin to get to know yourself in a whole new way, and you rediscover some old loves that you had. That helps you to remember who you really are and why you are here! That is a lovely thing.
So how would that look, to put on that cloak, to put on that way of believing about yourself. It would be something like, “Wow, I’m really gaining clarity around my own needs and values and my loves. When I have this clarity, I am empowered to move forward in a direction that feeds me. That nurtures me. That sustains me. There is some satisfaction right there.
A practice I invite you to explore, if you are willing, is to set aside some time to reflect on what did you enjoy as a child? What delighted you? What was just delectable? What did you look forward to? If you are willing, write it down, then time-travel forward a little bit from there; as a youth, what did you like then? What was it that you spent your time with? Note it down, and then fast forward again a little bit; to when you were a teenager, moving into the high school years, what did you enjoy then? If you could do anything you wanted, what was it?
Allow yourself to remember and feel it, actually revisit those memories with your full sense of self. You know now where we are going; so, then as a young adult what did you enjoy then? Also, notice, what is the continuous thread through your life? What is it that keeps calling you? Connect those dots and follow your heart.
If you would enjoy the accompaniment of heart-centered
Some of us have had the experience when life doesn’t feel like it’s working, we either explode or collapse. We can have emotional outbursts, they just happen, they erupt. We have this anger that needs to be felt and expressed. What happens after this explosion is this felt sense of a neediness. We need to feel close to the person again, and if that doesn’t happen the way we anticipate it, then we can collapse in a puddle of tears.
This can look different for each of us, we are unique beings. Yet, there is this cascade of emotions that are like a roller coaster that we can go on, when life just doesn’t seem to be working.
What can happen when we are sitting in that collapsed state can be, “Dang, I don’t even know who I am any more, especially in relationship with this other being. I thought we were in this together!” This might be some of the things we say to ourselves.
Don’t give up. You know, on this path in life, it is possible to feel the emotional roller coaster and have less intensity in response to the exchange between you and others you are in relationship with. It’s possible to recognize the sensations and emotions as they are beginning to arise, to recognize them early on in your conversations.
Instead of judging them and getting upset with them, you are able to meet them with warmth and compassionate understanding. Because you’ve taken the time to do this, you know who you are because you live rooted and grounded in your values, and they inform your next steps. So, it’s totally possible to live life without exploding or collapsing, even when if seems as if life is not working for you.
So, what’s the difference between these two ways of experiencing life? It comes down to what is it that we are telling ourselves, or what is the underlying belief system that is operating? Rather than believing – “I’m just a really bad and angry person! Why can’t I just keep my emotions under control? I’m just really trying to control everything.” We can develop the capacity to understand that our emotions make sense – “I’m learning to listen to the sensations and emotions to receive the messages that my body’s wisdom holds for me.”
A practice that I invite you to explore, if this is something you experience in your life, or if you know somebody who has, the practice is to notice when you are triggered and to slow down, right then. To pause, and take a breath, and recognize and begin to name what the sensations are in your body, and where in your body you are feeling something.
For some of us it can take a while to begin to name sensations. After you notice where this is in your body, begin to tune in to what is the emotion here? Then, one thing I like to do is to rewind time, back to the moment right before I got triggered. Notice, as I make an observation about that moment; what was it that was missing? What was the need that was missing, or what was it that I value that I wasn’t seeing was there? Name that out loud, and when you do that, check back in with your body and notice what’s different.
If you’d like to experience more around what’s possible, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 86]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever had the thought that you are supposed to know how to be able to do it all? I know I have, and client I’ve worked with, they have too. One client recently came to me with the acknowledgment that at work they experienced so much pressure to do something, yet not being given the guidance or the instructions on how to go about the task. The pressure in that experience was building up inside that escalates into panic.
When we get activated like that it’s our sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight, can kick in and we can get more easily triggered when that happens. We can become more reactive; take things personally, project onto others that they are being passive aggressive or predatorily aggressive towards us.
We can feel emotionally fragile and not dare to show that, especially at work. What we do is to stuff it down and put on a mask, acting as if everything is okay. Then, when we get alone, we can either rage, or scream, or cry. But only in private, because we have underlying beliefs around how we are supposed to show up, and what we are supposed to be able to do. It’s all the should’s and the have’s and supposed to’s that are running our life, and, it’s not serving us.
So, working with this person, we slowed down time, to come into the heart to notice what were the sensations and emotions that were alive in the body, as they reflected upon their experience. It started out with a little impatience that led to a sense of panic as a memory surfaced of being just a seven-year-old child and being asked to do something that they didn’t know how to do. When they said they didn’t know how to do it, the big person in their life got really frustrated with them and said, “Well, just do it!” That’s not helpful for a seven-year-old child.
So, slowing that experience down even more is so important, to be able to drop in and hear that child self, who said, “I didn’t know what to do. There was no where to turn.” Thus, the shadow beliefs that were created were, “I’m a problem. It’s my fault. I’m inadequate. I’m powerless, and I can’t show how I feel, or I make it worse.” Just slowing down to be with that inner experience and acknowledging how that mapped out in this person’s life as they grew and matured.
They would always try to find a direction. They kept seeking an answer by looking outside of themselves. They wouldn’t ask for help until they would get to the point where they would just give up and simply shut down. This is a learned helplessness. It is not something that happens on purpose it’s something that happens from the shadows.
Bringing in some warmth and some compassionate understanding with resonate language and time-travel to this child self. To sit with her right where she is. We sprinkle some imaginary fairy dust, putting a big bubble around the ‘big one’ and have them move off to the side. Any others that are there, maybe just like the Wizard of Oz, we can use poppies to have everybody fall asleep. This creates a safe container to explore with the child self.
Just taking time to be with her and acknowledge with empathy, “Are you needing some accompaniment? And maybe some acknowledgement what it feels like inside when there is that panic, and no where to turn and no one to talk to? Are you needing warmth and gentleness?” Then sitting right there, with the child, so she can feel, that she’s not alone. This is an experience that the body needs.
Through this process, of taking the time that’s needed, the time the child was never given to begin with, there is a whole new possibility that emerges. The child self learns that the more that they learn, the more they will not know, and that’s okay and normal. We can be okay that it gets messy and it seems as if it’s a mistake, but you know mistakes actually help us learn. We can learn we can move in a different direction, and we can experience what that’s like in the moment. Without judgement. We can stay curious. Curiosity is so important.
Wh
Have you ever thought life seems impossible? Maybe you’ve been in a situation and you feel expected to conform to the world? To the pattern the world has laid out right in front of you. And, it just feels impossible. There are so many layers of impossibility that it staggers the mind.
When you slow down to be in your experience, does it feel like there is a watery abyss that is deep inside? I want to note that the element of water represents emotions. So, when things feel really impossible, it’s most likely, because we are not allowing ourselves to abide in whatever emotional flavor is happening for us in the moment.
When we can begin to slow down and notice our pattern; our thoughts that feel impossible. When we can be with that and feel what it’s like in our being; to be with that without judgement, but simply acknowledging what it feels like to be you. Right now. Breathe into that, breathe into your heart-space.
When we are empowered to do that it is possible not to buy into the story that’s running us in the moment. To acknowledge, yes, it does feel impossible; it feels stretching, and I’m at my edges. I would really like some ease, and support, clarity and understanding. Just naming those, the beauty of those, what it’s like to experience that, begins to allow that journey of the emotional abyss to be held by Spirit, by the energy of that which holds us all.
We get to begin that transformational journey where it’s through being with the inner experience that we notice it begins to shift and change. We can come back to that original trigger we had and notice; when it seems impossible, now what happens in my body? Oh, there’s a deeper breath right now, it’s not so tight in my chest. Just being with. That invitation is so simple, and so sweet.
The opportunity is it is possible to be with our life experience, even when it feels impossible, by slowing it down and allowing that transformation to begin to germinate from deep within us, by the light of Spirit. We begin to have a closer look; we begin to see what is reflecting back to us. We can see our own heart.
One of the things I want to share is that when we can acknowledge right where we are, really honestly, and ground ourselves in our Roots of Connection getting self-connected, then it opens us up expansively. Research shows that we can then see wider, we can hear more clearly, we can sense, smell, taste, everything just opens up inside, when we take the time to come back inside for self-connection. That empowers us.
Be empowered to take authentic action that is in alignment with your values. What’s most important? What are the essential few things that are most important? When you take time to be with and in your experience, it allows something new to emerge.
If this resonates with you check out the preview of my 6-week Intensive at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com There are 5 videos you can watch and fill out the application on the last page to have a conversation with me. I’d love to get to journey with you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 84]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever found yourself thriving in your life, making progress and really enjoying what you do and how you show up in the world? You like being who you are. Maybe you come into a relationship with another person, or a group of others, and how you show up, it feels like you get stuck. It’s as if you are not being recognized for what you are bringing to the relationship.
What’s it like when you feel stuck? What’s it like for you when your intention is not seen? What’s it like for you when someone looks at you but doesn’t see your heart? It can be painful.
How do you be with that pain, with the problem of not being recognized for who you are? As you sit with that pain and allow yourself to tune in to the frequencies that are running deep inside, it’s possible you might begin to tap into a shadow. It may be a shadow that you weren’t even conscious it was running in you. You didn’t even know it was there.
As you take the time to be with it, you get really clear just how dark that shadow is deep inside. Sitting with that you can sense maybe there has been a part of you that has been buried so deep, for so long, that it’s become so dark and so still, it’s immobilized. Just touching that shadow, just on the edges of it, is enough for it to begin to awaken.
That can feel a lot of different ways for a lot of different people. Some of us will shrink away from that. Avoid it at all costs, this is not a place that we are even going to venture. We do our best to turn it off, to bury it again. We don’t like it. We don’t want to be near it. We don’t want it to be known that we even have this deep inside.
We may have made a vow to ourselves. It might be a vow something like, “I solemnly swear to my Essential Self that I will accept that I have no choice. As a consequence, I will turn inward and disconnect from my feelings, and from my knowing, in order to survive the shame and humiliation of not being of value. Of not being recognized for who I truly am, and to stop me from being torn asunder by my own internal stress and horror, and my rage! And, also, the loathing and disgust and betrayal that I feel inside. No matter the cost to myself of those I love.”
I want to call a pause, with that possibility of that being the experience of a younger self that saw no choice. When being in this relationship where they were not known, and they had no voice. It’s possible that you attempted to say no, that you did your best to set a boundary and it was run over the top of. You got the message that saying no is not allowed.
So, there is something here, something here in that stuckness. It’s through our feelings and sensations of our body that we can find our power and receive our body’s wisdom. We can receive the gift that the shadow actually holds for us. When we bring the light into the shadow, we are able to see the contrast and have more clarity and precision. That’s empowering. We can recognize that it makes sense that this experience conditioned us to believe something that’s not true.
When we can name that, when we can have a container – a place where it’s safe to show up honestly – and name our inner experience and have it met with tenderness, care, and exquisite gentleness. Yet it’s firm and holding you with warmth, compassion and understanding. You discover you make sense and no longer need to be buried deep down in the shadows of darkness.
There is a softening that can happen, the shoulders drop, your breath can come in deep to your belly, and your face begins to soften as you come back to life in a new way. You receive the gift from this part of you that had been immobilized for so long.
When you move through this process with an unconscious contract that’s released, then you get to receive the blessing from the Essential Self, or from the Other that was bound in that contract. Stepping into that energy to hear the vow made in innocence, which was actually an attempt to protect Self. This Being is able to bless the y
Thinking back on my experience in life, I recognized a life lesson that I learned more recently that actually started way back when I was a younger girl. Let me start with a story.
It started when I got to go for a sleep-over, it was a slumber party, those were all the rage when I was younger. My best-friend had a whole bunch of us over together and one of the things we got to do, was to go on a hike in the woods. It was a big group of girls and we were having so much fun, and I felt comfortable with who I was.
As we were hiking, we were all excited, and I remember there was a new girl in school who had been invited too. We came upon a crossroad where we needed to decide to go one way or the other way. I recognize now, that I was a leader, because the girls all looked to me for which direction to go.
I said, “Let’s go this way!” And, this other girl said, “No! We’re not going to go that way; we are going to go this way.”
I don’t remember all the conversation, but I do remember the result was that I did my best to stand my ground to have everyone follow me in the direction I preferred. Yet, everybody went the other way. That was a big deal-breaker.
I didn’t know what to do with it and no one stayed with me. I didn’t have a compass. I’d never experienced this before. What I did was fall into a shadow belief; that I’m all alone and I don’t matter.
I went back to the house by myself and called for a ride to go home. My life was different for quite a while because I lived in the shadow belief that I’m all alone and I don’t matter. I didn’t have the skillsets to navigate the conversation with my friends.
It was a bit of a surprise to unpack this one. I had been sitting with pondering what’s it like when you are in conversations, especially in groups where you are feeling good about yourself, and you notice that you are starting to withdraw from the conversation. What is it that is triggering you?
Maybe it’s because somebody speaks up with authority, and they snap at other people when they don’t do what they want. (Which reminded me of the experience I had with this new girl in school.) You might find yourself then, doing your best to bend over backwards to accommodate everyone. You don’t want anyone to be disappointed, so you do your best to avoid that ever happening.
When they do get disappointed you find yourself apologizing, taking responsibility, when it’s not really your responsibility. I wonder if you are just wanting to stay away from how uncomfortable it feels to feel so all alone, and so worried that it will affirm that you don’t matter. Especially if there is a conflict. So, you end up being taken for granted in your relationships and there’s a lack of consideration and care for what your experience is.
Well, in my life’s journey, it’s led me to discover my own answers. It’s been quite a journey; there’s been some peaks where I’ve made it to some mountain tops and there’s been times, I’ve gone low into some deep valleys. Yet, when I can develop my capacity to enjoy the journey wherever I’m at, I’ve found that it’s possible to notice your patterns when they arise.
If the pattern is that you withdraw, and become passive, when somebody comes in with a different preference than yours; you can notice becoming passive and instead, engage in the conversation. Curiosity is key to staying engaged, especially when others express a different preference.
Rather than feeling compelled to be responsible for the world you can allow others to take responsibility for themselves. You can develop the courage to name what your preferences are and allow that to be okay. You can even take a different path than others and allow that to be okay too, rather than believing you don’t matter. Even when others feel upset, we don’t have to take on their stuff. That’s the truth.
On my path I’ve developed something from the imagery of trees, and visualizing them, I’ve created a Healing You Guide. This guide is like a compass fo
Today I needed to come out and have some time with my herd and be in the sunshine and just “Be” for a while. When I’m with the herd it helps me to come back into my center.
Have you even noticed how some days can feel so easy and things flow, and other days things can come up and take you by surprise? When life blows in a strong wind it can feel quite turbulent, so when I feel the waves of emotion come up, especially when they come up unexpectedly, I like to welcome them as best I can. I find I can welcome them with much more ease when I have accompaniment.
When I’m in nature and with my herd there is a reciprocal exchange that takes place. We help one another and balance is restored within us, they are showing me that is what we humans can do at this time in our world. We can take time for self-care, to be with our experience with life, and that can empower us to be with others. We can be empowered to stay present with whatever their experience may be. Even in times of turbulent winds.
When we take the time to allow ourselves to be with what is, it is a powerful practice. Taking the time to connect with Life; with the earth, with the sky, and with the solar energy of the sun, we can drop into our sensations and receive the frequencies of support that ground us and center us back in our heart.
Take the time. Be empowered.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 81]
#TheHealingYouMethod
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Today as I’ve been sitting with others, accompanying them on their journey, there was a light rain that came through. The air is much warmer, as spring is arriving here, and it smelled fresh outside. It feels like new life is ready to bloom. This new life preparing to bloom is happening for a lot of us as we have been experiencing life much different than it used to be.
There is a sense of stabilizing. Many of us in positions of leadership have needed to work diligently in order to maintain our capacity to monitor our environment, and that of our team members and those that we are responsible for taking care of. As well as being more expansive reaching outside of our inner circle to be a resource for the extended communities in our world, creating places where there are safe zones. There are finally beginning to be places where we can trust it is safe. It’s just beginning.
I want to acknowledge that for many of us, when we are younger, there is an inner resiliency that we have, and we believe we are invincible, that nothing can get us or hurt us. For those of us who are older, we can remember those times, and we can monitor the environment for the younger ones too, doing our best to maintain safety for all.
When we want to create safety for all, we also need to be sure we are slowing down and taking time to connect with our own hearts, with our own needs. Because we are not going to be able to be a resource if we are depleted. And when we are ‘on’ monitoring all the time, being busy because there is so much to do, we can fall into that pattern of not consciously checking in on our own sense of self. I want to encourage us to slow down and to take that time to “BE” in our experience and create a little more room for ourselves.
As we come down from being so busy, some of us can feel a sense of loneliness. There might even be a sense of loss of precious time that we value so much for self-connection. Because when we take time to deepen into self-connection, deepen our roots connecting with life, we can tap into our joy. That joy juice, it’s sweet. It really brings the joy up in life to abide there, we need to nurture ourselves to abide there, and we need to be met there by others to celebrate our joy.
As we are navigating this time in our world, we are trying to find our way to come into balance. We want to be able to be a resource, to be busy monitoring and attending to things, and we want to be able to slow down and come into our sense of self and relax to rest and digest. There is a balance that we need, each of us to find our own inner rhythm with Life.
Some of us are wondering as we are looking for our balance, “Am I doing enough?” Some of us are making donations to front line workers. We have so many people that have stepped up to be resourceful for other people. Then there are others that are supporting those beyond their own inner circle, and there are those who are supporting the emotional well-being of others and their people. There are so many different layers of support that is needed. So, we sit with, “Am I doing enough?”
Another question I ask you to consider is, “Am I being WITH LIFE enough?” Am I taking the time to be with life in the present moment? Or am I caught up in the clouds of my thoughts, my plans and my thinking? Those are important, I’m not dismissing them, and, it’s important to rest in the Being of who you are and to take time to acknowledge what you need.
As we take the time to come into that inner balance, we can begin to sense a new beginning that’s beginning to open before us. A new path coming out of the confusion and the stress of this virus that has traveled our whole world. For many of us have been touched by the loss of extended family members and that creates a different ripple. It’s a ripple we can slow down as we begin to touch into the depression, the sadness, the grief. We need to name it and meet it gently. As we sit with it, we can feel it soften within us.
When we can
I’m curious, what does your new normal look like? I’m especially curious about those of you who are in positions of leadership in your world. Some of us, in those positions, hold a lot of responsibility, even more so now. One person described it as navigating through the jungle of leadership. In some pockets of our world there is desperation and hard choices to make. When we have the capacity developed within us to hold the whole global picture and still be able to do the micro scission surgery of paying attention to the little details that can make such an impact on so many lives. That’s a gift. It’s not a gift that all of us have. I want to acknowledge that it’s a gift that some of us have and I’m so grateful for your leadership in the world. You inspire me.
At the same time as you are out there navigating this jungle of leadership in our world today, especially on the medical forefront where there is such a pandemic going on with this virus. It’s like you are out there in this wilderness and you have this huge 100 lb. pack on your back and each pound represents one thing that you are paying attention to and holding with care. It could be an employee, or it could be all these masks that are needed or the ventilators. There are so many different items and pieces to track with care. To know how to get grants and resources and then provide those resources to the people who need those resources.
You are so resourceful and are working with so much dedication you are on fire you are so lit up. Because you are passionate about helping the world, especially those you are in closest proximity to. And, because we need to be practicing physical distancing you are still reaching out socially hosting video calls, meeting with teams of people to support them, to inspire them and to empower them to be the difference in the world that each of us needs.
Some of us in these positions, we are home alone! We need to meet our basic needs; prepare our food, take time to eat, clean our house, attend to hygiene, do our laundry. We need to find a way to have balance. We are so busy attending to all of these things, and attending meetings that are very, very important, we can get swept up in the intensity of it. Even though we are taking care of our basic needs, I’m wondering at the end of the day, do you feel drained? Exhausted? Or feel a sense of depletion or a desperation of loneliness?
I’m wondering, are there places in your world where people are catching you? Catching your heart and hearing you with their heart? Are there places where your inner experience of what it’s like to be you is being caught with compassion and care? Taking time to pause with you, to let you sink into your very being, so your body can start to come back to relaxation to rest and digest. To process all of the emotions that the container that you hold is filled with. Do you have a place where you can dare to be vulnerable to speak your truth, and others are there that can understand you and feel what you feel with you? So you can have accompaniment and feel felt and get gotten? They can reflect back with accuracy and precision while reflecting back the complexity that you hold and express their gratitude for you having built this capacity. Especially now.
Well, if you are needing a place where you can be met with precision and warmth, the next small groups will be starting up at Healing You in the next few weeks. You can sign up by filling out the application on the last page of the preview of the course the Healing You Intensive on my website www.HealingYouSanctuary.com I would love to welcome you.
Thank you so much for being the leader that you were created to be, for all of us.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 78]
Do you need permission to lead? Or were you just born naturally a leader? I am a leader, yet it would depend on the situation and the environment when I was younger, whether I would be willing to lead or not. Whether I would even believe whether I could lead or not. Because the experiences I had in life had conditioned me to believe that I needed permission to lead, and that permission had to come from somewhere outside of myself.
Because I am a highly sensitive person, I could tune into my environment, and I could sense whether it felt safe for me to step up in leadership or not. I was also very good at becoming a chameleon. When I tuned into others, I could sense what the needs were, I’d then drop my own needs to serve them, to contribute in their lives. I didn’t use that language at that time, I didn’t even realize that is what I was doing.
I could sense what others wanted me to be or do, because I wanted belonging, I needed inclusion and to know I mattered. I believe all human beings love to contribute to life. But the beliefs I had were not true, they were hiding who I really am. The need for safety, the need to feel free to be who you really are, can feel elusive. This affected a lot of my relationships because I was only partially present most of the time. This can be our lived experience and we can believe this is all there is to life. When we sense that there are things outside of our capacity to navigate, we can shut down, we can hide, become invisible, or stop talking and stop engaging in relationships with others. In my experience as a young one, I believed I didn’t matter, that I was nothing.
When you are trying really hard to be who the world says you are supposed to be you can learn a lot of things. One of the things I learned was that it’s possible to look outside of the world says you are supposed to be. I began to have the experience of looking within. For me this through my children, literally looking within. Being pregnant with my children was an amazing miracle with each one of them. I love the connection that I have, even today, with all of my children. But there was a deep connection within that supported me during that time to begin to look beyond myself, beyond my own conditioning. Because what do I want for my children, what do I want for those that I love? What do I want to nurture for them and their way of being in life? What am I modeling, not just for my children but for all of my loved ones and the clients that I care for?
So, I was able to stretch and grow and mature from the inside out, the places and pockets inside of myself that were very immature, because they had never been nurtured yet. We all need that kind of nurturance and resonance to support our health and wellbeing. My kids, my kitty cats, dogs, and my horses, I built trusting relationships with them that supported the relationships to thrive, instead of only survive.
When my children needed me to be there for them, when life would become difficult, I discovered I had a momma bear inside of me. This momma bear is determined to make a difference. And this aspect of myself, when you think about momma bears and how they are with their cubs, to us humans they may look rather rough. They do the rough and tumble with their cubs and they nurture them as well as set very clear limits with them, and they are very protective.
So, this momma bear knew she didn’t want to cause any harm, and some of the ways I was showing up in the world were not going to be life serving for my children to emulate. I looked outside of the box and I dug a little deeper, and I was determined to find a way to get others attention, to slow down and see a new path in the forest that was calling to me. That path for me is to be in service of life, of a way of being in life that is harmonious with nature.
It’s to be real. To drop all the masks and pretense to be real, to be authentic. To develop the ability to stay in conversation. To sum it up, the gi
What’s it been like for you these last few weeks with all the changes taking place in our world? Some of us are experiencing a loss of our sense of freedom. Others, even though there are restrictions placed upon them, they live in a place that allows them to experience more freedom of movement.
Maybe you have new learning curves because you need to work from home, if you still have a job. If you don’t have a job, then you are learning how to be at home without your normal routine. There are new learning curves for all of us in many different ways.
Maybe you are finding that there is not enough support when you need it. It could be as simple as something went wrong with your computer and you’re at home without an IT person to help you, and you have to sort it out on your own. Or maybe you have a partner at work who got scared, locked themselves down at home and refuse to help at all, out of fear.
Maybe it feels like there is a lot of weight on your shoulders being responsible for your employees making a living and providing for their families. You are doing your best to make it work, and your getting stressed.
Stress can affect out system in so many different ways. Some of us might break out with a rash, or hives, our body is literally saying this is too much! Others of us turn to coping mechanisms that are not best for our health and wellbeing. We can become compulsive, attempting to soothe our system.
Well, when we take the time to slow our experience down, to get out of our head and into our body, into our heart space, we begin to experience Presence. We expand our capacity to stay present even in the face of stress. Through that experience and being accompanied to get to know our own body’s wisdom, receiving energetic support, we are empowered to make requests. To invite others to contribute to our lives. We can then empower others to step into being the leader they were created to be, and we can grow those ripples of support in our world.
Watch the video to learn a practice you can experiment with…
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 76]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Today I was remembering when I was a little kid. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a big kid. Did you ever have that experience?
One day my mom took us all swimming, it was a big indoor pool, and I could see all the big kids down at the deep end, swimming all around and having so much fun. While I was just a little kid at the little end. I thought, “I want to be a big kid.”
I was quite creative and courageous. I started bouncing. Maybe you’ve tried something like this, where you bounce going down into the water to push off against the bottom with your feet to pop out of the water to get a big breath of air before you go down again! Each time I bounced I would move forward a little bit more. Down, up, and down, and up.
I was determined to find a way to get to that deep end to be with the big kids. What I ended up getting, was a lifeguard’s attention. That lifeguard watched me super close, they wanted to make sure that I was going to be safe. They tuned in to me, watching to be sure I came up for my next breath. Then they came and had a conversation with me on the side, encouraging me to practice a few skillsets, so I could learn how to swim in the deep end and stay safe and secure.
I think this memory is a lot like what it is to heal from trauma. When we begin to heal from trauma and come up to break through to get a new breath of air, we get a glimpse of what’s possible. We haven’t developed our capacity strengthened enough and we feel as if we are getting sunk down, underneath the water, and maybe that water feels like it is stagnant and painful. When we go down the water is covering us. Some of my clients say that it feels as if there are rocks that are holding them down under the water.
That sparked my memory of what it was like when I was a kid and I could enjoy the water. When we have somebody that comes alongside us, that has the skillsets needed, they can accompany us even when we go under the water and feel like there are rocks that are holding us down. They can leverage through their experience, attuning and resonating with us, and start to life those rocks and peek to see what’s hiding underneath them.
What is it that is holding us down? Even just a little shift of one of those boulders or one of those pebbles, whatever size it may be, there is a felt-sense experience that’s felt from the inside out that signals that healing is possible.
So, if you ever feel like you have been weighed down, deep in the water, and you’re needing somehow to be able to push up through that water and be empowered to get a new breath of air, reach out. Check out the Healing You Method Intensive, because that’s the path I have found that helped me discover not only can I swim, but I can float.
Maybe I want to take a deep dive to the very depths of the ocean where it’s calm. It’s a different kind of world. We don’t need to be ruled by fear or old patterns that don’t serve us any longer. I’ll toss you out a lifeline, a buoy, and you can learn to float, get some new flippers, develop some new skillsets and start to embody some new ways of being in this world. Some thoughts that can serve your life.
What’s really quite lovely is when you are able to consistently practice this way of being, with resonance and reflection consistently, you build bridges of trust from your heart to the hearts of others. Those ripples go out deeper and wider creating expansion in our world.
So, check out the preview of the Healing You Intensive at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
I look forward to welcoming YOU!
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 75]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I’m excited to introduce you to a dear friend of mine, Pavla Haluskova. I first met Pavla about three years ago at one of Sarah Peyton’s constellations retreats and was drawn to her energy immediately. Pavla is a yoga instructor, sound healer, energy worker and spiritual guide. She works with others to identify emotional imbalances caused by external stressors and inspires them to find healing and transformation by claiming their voice and connecting to their authentic self.
Stay connected to Pavla through her website www.pavlayoga.com Facebook page www.facebook.com/pavla.haluskova or email her at pavla@pavlayoga.com
Listen below to learn more...
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 74]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I bet you have been noticing there are a lot of changes that are happening. For many of us this can feel very alarming and scary. Maybe you walked into the grocery store and everything was gone. There was no meat, there were no noodles, all the soups were gone, and it was scary because it’s not predictable. It’s not every day you walk into the store and most everything is gone. This signals an alarm that alerts your whole self that danger is here.
The other thing that can be scary is this danger is not something you can see with your eyes. It’s an invisible danger that floats around landing on things and you might unknowingly touch it – and that is scary.
Then you start to notice, when you go out, there are not many people out and about. I had one client say that when they walked into town to go to work, because their business is an essential business to stay open, that it was like walking into a ghost town. There is an uneasiness that comes with that. The flesh can crawl and feel like it retracks back, really needing safety. Needing a safe environment to move about in.
This activates our basic survival instincts. What that can look like for some of us is it can start to shut us down if we haven’t developed a way to stay grounded, present, curious and empowered. I want to hold a lot of care for that experience, because it is important.
When we get shocked, when we feel alarmed and we feel alone, and we start to shut our system down, then some of us might get super busy to try to bring ourselves back. We become hypervigilant about things. That can start to impact the people in our environment. So maybe there is someone in your environment that has gotten scared, and their strategy has been to get super busy and productive to guard everything. And that, activates your system with anxiety. You want to support this person, because you care about them, and it’s alarming to you for them to be double checking everything. What are you to do?
Some of us lose our capacity to track anything. When we slow down from being busy and doing our best to organize, compartmentalize and protect; when we finally slow down and we are able to be where we are, and if we are with someone we trust, we can actually go blank. Our system has been so taxed that we can’t even find ourselves, we are numb with the shock, the alarm, and the overwhelm. We felt so alone for so long.
I want to be really gentle with all of these possible experiences of fear. Or maybe you are angry! You feel angry and want to blame everyone. There’s got to be someone to blame for this pandemic. It’s not fair! Businesses are closing down and they worked so hard to make a living and become as they have been and now, they just have to close? That is just so unfair!
It’s true, it is, and how do we hold that? How do we open our hearts to hold that with compassion? Right there, there is a key. It’s possible to open our hearts and to hold one another with compassion, care and empathy. And, it is really important to be able to receive that empathy as well. To allow ourselves to feel our experience rather than shunting them down and leaving them stuck in our bodies as more trauma.
What’s possible is for us to begin to step back into remembering how far we have come. To remember the healing journey each of us has been on to provide us with the resources that come from within us. To strengthen the fibers of our sense of self, and to be resilient, especially now. Because, people, we matter. Each and every one of us.
So, how do we begin to allow our system to relax? I invite you to first notice the mind chatter that is whirling through you. Notice if you are able to bring your attention to your breath. Be gentle with yourself, because those are really big first steps.
Noticing the chatter without making it wrong, bring your attention to your breath, then I invite you to begin with belly breathing. It can be as simple as saying silently to yourself, “Belly” inhaling through
Today I was thinking about those times in my life when I have just wanted to be griping about something. Or I’m moaning and I’m complaining. I notice what that’s like for me, inside of my system, inside of my thought life, when I’m doing that. What are the behaviors that show up when I’m in that mood?
Because I also notice, when I’m observing others and they are wanting to grip about things happening in their life; they are not happy, they are moaning and complaining, I know what that is like for me! Sometimes I might guess, “Do you need a little shared reality around what it’s like when people go there? That is like this wild horse got loose and it’s galloping around through the space and no one is even acknowledging it? Or, is it as if you are in this room and a big elephant came in and plopped right down in the center and everyone is pretending it’s not there? But it’s so obvious that it’s there.”
That’s the way it can feel sometimes when trauma shows up in our behavior, in our thoughts, in our life. It’s like this whole different experience comes into the room or into the space, and nobody is talking about it. Nobody is naming it. Yet, everyone can feel that something is amiss.
We might get really uncomfortable, and squirm around, we might withdraw and be like, “okay, it’s time for me to go now.” Or, maybe we’ll start criticizing, we start telling people, “This is what you should do instead.” Maybe we will one-up them and tell them, “Well, this is what happened to me…” Or maybe we just try to avoid, pretend nobody is speaking, just dismiss them. Or just disagree, make them wrong.
There are so many different ways, when something feels uncomfortable, or there is something happening and nobody wants to name it, that behavior can become complex and even more interesting. So right here there is a key that I have discovered in my life, is when I notice that about myself or others; when I can invite in my curiosity glasses, or my curiosity lenses, nobody can see you have them on. Except, your behavior is going to change.
You might have a little more forward posture, more interest and leaning in just slightly. Interested to engage and learn to see underneath the behavior or see past those words. To be empowered to understand and sense into what is underneath that which is needing to be named. Or, needing to be recognized and not made wrong, but to be understood with compassion. Because all behavior is communication, do you understand the language? Most of us are not taught that.
It’s possible to learn that language of life that allows you to connect with others. Or, to translate, whatever that behavior or thoughts are, into what is life serving and allows there to be a heart connection between one another reciprocally.
What would you like to be able to experience differently in your life when you hear the grumpiness coming? Or you sense the griping is going to start up. What is it that is so annoying to you in that way and how can you start to invite in some curiosity? To be empowered to stay relational rather than judgmental.
Because, you know, we can only change our own thoughts and behaviors when we become consciously aware of them. When we do become consciously aware of our own thoughts and behaviors and slow it all down and begin to notice our sensations and emotions to discover our sacred values, we discover there is a whole new paradigm it’s possible to live in.
Do you need some companionship on your journey there? I invite you to reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com I look forward to meeting you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 72]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Have you ever woken up at three in the morning and you can sense worry buzzing through your body? At first you are puzzled because life has been going well. Maybe you are a professional that holds space for other hearts, and some of the people you hold space for are professionals as well, and they may hold space for others in different ways. Maybe they are presidents of corporations, millionaires, farmers, teachers, or blue-collar workers. The thing all these people have in common, whether they are aware of it or not, is they are spiritual beings having a human experience.
In this human experience there are times that all of us have experienced trauma. Sometimes, when a trauma is triggered in the present moment, we need people we trust we can be vulnerable with, in order to have a different experience that is truly healing at the heart level. This can be vulnerable territory not just for the client, but also for the professional.
There are certain skill sets that we need to develop and be empowered to talk about to maintain healthy relationships with one another with clear, contingent communication. To take the time to slow down to stay heart connected and in relationship with one another.
Clients need to know and experience that they matter and that their perception of experience matters, and that they can be heard fully in that experience, in order to lay down new neural pathways. Sometimes in that new experience they learn something so astonishing they didn’t even know such an experience was possible.
In the new experience there is a bonding that takes place, a closeness develops that is holy territory. It’s very similar to what a mother and infant experience in the bonding of secure attachment. There needs to be that resonance, that warmth, and that care and compassion that is authentic. Because it really does matter.
From this experience there can be bonding that can blur the boundaries for the client and could blur the boundaries for the professional as well. Because there is a feeling of closeness and safety that this person hasn’t had before.
Have you ever had an experience where your client wanted to become a close friend with you? How have you navigated this? What have you said or done? When you pause to consider that, were you able to maintain a heart connection and a clear, shared understanding?
Or did it get uncomfortable and you didn’t know what to say or do? Then later, you find yourself waking up at three in the morning, worried, and wondering whether you were going to be rejected. Needing acceptance on so many different levels; as a spiritual being having a human experience and as a professional, providing a service. A service with a skillset and mindset that is congruent and provides deep healing for others. That’s powerful, what we do is in service of who we be.
How important is it then to know what you are capable of, to receive acknowledgement of that and have community that gets that, appreciates that, and mirrors that back to you? A community that supports you to have a voice to name to your client, “Of course I care, and we’ve grown very close, and, I want to acknowledge the need to honor the relationship of trust that we have co-created.”
It’s important that you value the gifts that you have received, and that there is an equal exchange between you and your clients. It’s important to be honest and clarify your intentions and the container that you hold, to offer resonance and reassurance. Sometimes the mind needs to quiet by receiving reassurance, so the heart can be open to receive the resonance. Then there is a relaxation that happens which acknowledges it’s a safe relationship and it’s safe to stay in relationship, it’s safe to ask questions and it’s safe to explore new possibilities of what it might look like and what it might feel like.
It’s important to honor our relationships and to have authentic limits within them. If this is an area you’d like to explore more, reach out
This last week I’ve gotten to go on many journeys with many beautiful and sensitive souls. What is standing out to me is on our healing journey as we begin to break through our unconsciousness, to live our life firmly rooted and grounded in our heart-space in self-connection with self-compassion, it can allow new aspects of our journey to arise. Sometimes that can feel uncomfortable as well as unexpected.
When we do the precision work, the tender work, of releasing unconscious contracts with time-travel empathy it’s a whole new world. Because we had a contract, we didn’t realize we had which was running our behavior, so when we release it, we get to live a whole new life. Then we get to notice what it’s like as we live this life.
Listen to hear how it was for one person who had struggled with a sense of unworthiness to move through the process of coming alive in a brand-new way.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 79]
#TheHealingYouMethod
There has been a lot of talk about the pandemic here, and there is a lot of anxiety that is coursing through our world. It’s really pervasive. Everything is closing down, everything is changing, and patterns aren’t the same. That fear that can be sparked, can be contagious. People getting worried about catching it. Whether it is catching the virus or catching the fear, it’s about getting caught and having no way out. This increases so much more stress in our body’s system and that reduces our immune system.
I also want to acknowledge that I have witnessed so many beautiful posts, emails, so many hearts are opening up and there is a deeper self-connection happening. As we are able to connection in this way, from our hearts, we are inspired to reach out to others. To reach out a helping hand in any way that we are empowered to.
We are learning that it is possible to, even now, slow down and enjoy life. Maybe connecting with the arts; painting, coloring, or neural art (I recommend Olga Nguyen’s classes.) You could take time to be in nature; take a walk in the woods, be with your pet, spend time with your family and reach out to others by making phone calls and send texts or emails. Write a letter or send someone a card! There are so many ways that we can be with life.
My favorite way is to slow down and dwell within my heart. By dropping into my heart space and feeling my inner sensations in my belly, my chest, my throat and my face I get in touch with all the different areas where my Vagus Nerve connects. That’s our social engagement system, and it is strengthened in this way.
Tune in to Life, tune in to BE with Life, breathe deep and bring that oxygen in, it supports every cell of your being. Begin to relax into trusting That Which Holds Us All. Savor your relationships, it begins with yourself, being kind, warm and relational. This way of being soothes that inner fear, that anxiety. It allows you to live in the present moment, so treasure each moment, moment by moment.
If you are in need for community, and looking for a place where you will be welcomed as you are, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com where you can sign up for a free consultation and we can tune in and you will get to have accompaniment. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 70]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Today I’ve been reflecting on secure attachment. Some of you may be aware of that term and others may be wondering what I’m talking about. There are different types of attachment styles that we can develop as a human being in relationships with others. We can have secure attachment where we have had the experience, according to researcher Ed Tronick, a pioneer in the field of developmental psychology, who’s work shows that if we had attunement with our main caregiver at least 30% of the time, then we would develop secure attachment.
I want to recognize how important it is that we experience what is known as attunement, and what that looks like. If we didn’t experience that in relationships with others then we could possibly develop what’s known as avoidant attachment, or ambivalent attachment, or some of us develop disorganized attachment. But for the purpose of this video, we will focus on secure attachment. Because regardless of what type of attachment we may have experienced in our life, we have neuroplastic cells, and it’s possible to lay down new pathways to have earned secure attachment.
I’m thrilled to introduce you to a good friend of mine, Harvey Caine. I first met Harvey about three years ago at the Spokane Holistic Fair, he was a presenter there with such unique offerings, I was excited to get to have a new experience! Harvey gave me my first energy reading using his hands to feel the energy of my energy centers, which gave me a visual I found fascinating. I was so curious about Harvey I looked him up to see what other types of support he offered and discovered he has many eclectic abilities, of which I barely scratched the surface of.
With over 30 years’ experience as an intuitive counselor and massage therapist, Harvey utilizes his expertise in the mind-body connection to help you transform your life and reach your goals efficiently.
You can reach Harvey at SpokaneHealing.com or at BeingHappyAndHealthy.com, call him at 509.270.1234 or text 509.230.6965.
Listen below to learn more...
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 68]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Today I’ve been wondering, what light were you born to shine in our world? More importantly, what is keep you small?
Recently I had the experience of getting to spend time with a very powerful person. Powerful in the sense that their light is just so evident to me. Destined to be an astonishing leader in our world. Someone that has grace, potential, humility and wisdom, all rolled up in one. Do you know what I’ve noticed? We all have that potential, in our own way.
Unfortunately, for some of us, we experienced that we are too harsh, or too much, when we are open in our expression. It may be that because we have expressed, the way we perceive other’s reactions to us, creates anxiety inside of us. It’s scary.
We get worried that maybe we are seen as too bossy, or we are too arrogant, we are just a ‘big know it all’, we have a really big head. Who do we think we are anyway! Maybe we are too focused on the information on the information we are sharing, we are worried that other people will believe this about us. Maybe we are worried that we are very unappealing. No one likes us, nobody wants to be around us. The worst-case scenario could be, if people really knew who we are, they would loath us. That is like an abomination, you’d just be ostracized, cut-off, completely and utterly alone in the world.
When I touch into that, some of those stories the default mode network (DMN) that inner chatter that we can have can become vicious. It’s trying to protect us. It’s our own mechanism within to help us survive something that was unsurvivable.
Maybe your childhood was really scary and difficult. Maybe you needed to make sure that you weren’t heard or seen. You had to be quiet as a little mouse in a corner, not to be detected. It was terrifying. So, you didn’t dare to be seen, let alone heard or felt by another human. That’s just unthinkable.
Maybe then the storyboard inside when you were little was something like, “maybe something’s wrong with me. Am I a bad person? Nobody likes me, why doesn’t anyone like me? What is wrong with me? I must stay small; I must stay small in order to survive.”
I’m imagining what we did unconsciously, is we wrote an unconscious contract to our essential self. I’ll use myself as an example;
I, Gloria Craig, (using my maiden name) solemnly swear to my essential self that I will stay very small, I will be invisible, in order to not attract any attention from others. In order to survive and exist in this life, no matter the cost to myself or those I love.
Wow. For me that feels really true. That’s a little bit of a surprise. Because, you know, in my own way, I am a leader in my world, and I have taken a lot of time to be with my inner children. With my heart and my felt sense of who I have been born to be in this world. I’m discovering there are different layers and different flavors of our life experience that really needs to be caught, with gentleness and self-compassion.
So, no wonder you shut down, you shut yourself down because it was a necessity. It’s all that your little one could even come up with to protect you. I want to honor that. At the same time, I want to slow down and come into my heart space and allow my essential self, my spirit, to shine with gentleness and warm loving attention.
So, I shift my body and I check in with my essential self; Essential Self of Gloria, did you hear that contract that little Gloria made to you?
Yes, I heard that, and no, it’s not life serving. I want to extend to this little part of myself, “Little Gloria, I release you from this contract, and I revoke this vow. I give you my blessing instead. I give you my blessing to shine, as brightly as you do. I bless you with the capacity to resource yourself from Spirit. To have the capacity through relationships with Life, to calm and soothe your nervous system, so you can be who you were created to be. For there to be compassionate understanding and discernment, in expression with others, as well a
Have you ever found yourself in the position of needing to get some support? Simply needing some help. Maybe you fell and were injured and later you recognized that you were hurt more than you realized. You can feel vulnerable, especially depending on what your life experience has been, feeling vulnerable may not feel safe.
Maybe you’ve had to work out life on your own. As a kid you had to learn the hard way, by yourself, because there wasn’t anyone to ask. Maybe when you asked you were shut down, or shamed. Some of us have had the experience that when we ask for help, or guidance, we get dismissed or scolded. Told that we should have been listening. Or, we should have done what someone else told us to do. If we made a mistake and ask for help, we are belittled or put down. Through that experience we learn, ‘Don’t ask, just figure it out, somehow, on your own.’
Another experience we could have in light of that is believing that something is wrong with us. That we are a misfit and there is not a place for us in the world, so we work extra hard to be productive. To prove we are worthy of acceptance and inclusion. We want to belong. That is one of the most heartfelt needs that we have as a human, is to belong in community.
Well, it’s possible to trust that you really are worthy of inclusion and belonging. It is safe to reach out and ask to receive support when you need it. We all need a helping hand now and then. Being able to build that bridge of trust from the inside out, and to trust your own inner knowing, when we can wake up at that level in our heart space, we can then be empowered to set authentic limits in conversations with others when they don’t get us. When they shift left and are not relational with us any longer. We can have self-compassion for our experience. We can have self-acceptance as we are that supports us to continue to pay that forward to others in our lives.
So, what might that look like? For me, I slow it way down, I want to get heart-centered and drop down into my body’s wisdom by tuning into the sensations and noticing what it’s like in the moment. Noticing where my breath is and allowing my sensations to inform me what the emotion is that is arising. When shame comes up, and I’m thinking there is something wrong with me, I want to be really gentle with myself.
Sometimes we can use cards, there are a lot of different feelings and needs cards that you can find online but having something to help you to have a language to describe what you are feeling can be really supportive. Then I want to slow it down even further to acknowledge the deeper needs that are alive underneath those emotions. Because the beauty of the need is where, when we can rest there, then things come back into congruence. Then the energy is productive, even if it was feeling uncomfortable, it will become productive.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to check out my website, there is a resource on there when you sign up for my newsletter, you receive a gift, a communication guideline. I’d love for you to have that, it’s a nice first step to begin to practice the way to find your way to self-acceptance; through self-connection with compassion.
Our next small group is going to be starting up in a few weeks. If you are the kind of person that enjoys being in a small group with heart-centered others, this will be a good fit for you. You can check it out on my website www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 66]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Today I’ve been spending some time thinking about how some of us might have the experience of being worried whether or not we matter. Maybe we’ve been close to other people in our lives and they go away for awhile and we lose that connection that we’ve grown to count on. Then, when they start to come back, there’s an irritation that comes up inside.
You just get angry; you’ve missed them really bad and now they are coming back and you are worried. You are worried that since they’ve been gone so long they are going to be tired, or maybe their schedule will fill up and there won’t be enough time for you.
Even thinking there’s going to be time for others, but there won’t be time for me. Maybe it’s that you believe you don’t matter enough. If you could just matter enough, then there would be time for you.
When this kind of a spiraling loop starts happening within us, that is unconscious, we can hear inner voices that get more and more dismal. They may get loud inside and drown out anything around us for connection to happen. They may scream some things that aren’t very nice at you, i.e. “That person’s not really your friend. You’re just not going to see that person again.” The shadows can feel so dark in the moment and start to multiply and your whole body can hurt. The mindset can be “I just don’t matter, and this is just too hard!” Maybe you find yourself holding your breath just to get through the day.
When we’ve been doing this work to reclaim our sense of self, and to retrieve those splinters of ourselves back into the wholeness that we are, maybe there is a new whisper that comes up. One that is doing it’s best to be compassionate, yet it’s slightly off. It wants to say things like, “Well, that’s not true. That person is your friend. You are going to see them again. You are not being very kind.”
That’s a transition from the first voice that’s quite adamant that no one’s your friend and that you don’t matter, you won’t see these people again and that you are just all alone. Yet, I want to bring in another voice.
It’s possible to develop a compassionate sense of self that can hear all these different kinds of voices that come up from our ‘ever-present-past’. They can be kind and they can be gentle as they make empathy guesses. “Are you really scared that it’s going to be different than you remember? And you really like predictability and ease in connection? Especially with those you love and care for, that you’ve learned you can count on? Are you needing to know you can count on these relationships and you can grow a bridge of trust from the inside out? So that it’s always here with you, coming out from your heart.
Maybe you are needing acknowledgement what it feels like in your body when it hurts so much that you are holding your breath to get through the day! Do you need some accompaniment right there, in the pain, to know through your experience that you are not alone after all? Because you matter so much!
Slowing it all down, slowing time down to be right where you are. Are you feeling sad, worried, and lonely? No wonder you feel angry! That’s so much to be holding all by yourself. No wonder you disconnect inside. Are you needing connections to be secure, reliable, and consistent? Does it feel so heavenly to feel your body relax and your breathing deepen down into your belly? For your throat to open and experience a little freedom to be who you really are?
I feel my body soften and relax with all of those guesses. To have the experience that you do make sense and you do matter. To have it be possible to stay present and self-connected, grounded to your Source energy and resource your body’s wisdom. Which empowers you to honestly express your truth about your experience and to have companionship on this journey of your life. That is possible.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out to me on my website www.HealingYouSanctuary.com there is a free course there where you can step into a little
I’m delighted to have the opportunity to introduce you to my good friend and colleague, Catherine Respress. I know Catherine through her business, Red Mare Enterprises LLC, and she has been such a gem in my life.
Catherine brings both her passion and her equine expertise to her business Red Mare Enterprises. Her commitment to horses, from age 3, shaped her work ethic, professionalism, and easy-going manner. These qualities paired with Catherine’s ability to clearly communicate with horses as well as clients sets her apart.
You can reach Catherine at RedMareEnterprises.com or at TheEquestrianJournal.com
Listen below to learn more...
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 64]
#TheHealingYouMethod
I’ve had something laying on my heart that I want to get to share with you. The other day was just like any other day, except I was getting ready to have some company over so I asked my son, “Hey, would you help me clean the house today?” He looks at me and says, “Maybe.”
In that moment I felt worried and some distress. I really like it when there is a sense of ease in connection with reciprocal relationships. I noticed that there was something else going on underneath that, I noticed that I withdrew from the conversation rather than staying engaged. So, I took some time to be with my experience later. I noticed the sensations that I was feeling, and I noticed the emotions of distress and worry. I took time to come into my heart and be with my inner experience. To step outside of the judgements that I was having about myself, and about my son.
Through this process what I uncovered was this belief that I’m not wanted. As that came up it was a bit of a surprise. I then took the time to link that experience into the Quantum energy that could support me to stay present, to stay engaged in conversation. What arose for me was compassionate understanding. Being able to be transparently authentic with compassionate understanding for both myself and my son.
I was able to tap into some gratitude for this opportunity to notice this little trigger. To notice this moment when I withheld, I withdrew, from relationship with my son. I was able to catch that and be in relationship with myself and recognize when it gets uncomfortable like that, it’s an opportunity for some growth and healing, for some integration.
I wasn’t quite expecting the journey I ended up going on, and that’s one of the things that I think is so amazing. When I have these seemingly small moments of irritation, when we take the time to stay in relationship with ourselves, we can unpack something that we didn’t realize was just waiting for that moment to be seen and heard.
When I dropped into my heart, I experienced a memory of a pattern that I had. When I reflected on what was it like for my body to have this worry and distress and to feel like I’m not wanted and be open to what is this really all about. A memory of when I was 14 came up where I had been set up by someone else to go out and meet this guy that I had a crush on, to go on a motorcycle ride. That event drastically impacted the rest of my life, and I was innocently unaware of it. But I went on a motorcycle ride and then I was taken complete advantage of. When I came back home, straggling in, I felt really unclean. I was devastated because this isn’t the way my life was meant to go. I didn’t understand how this even could have happened.
The moment of coming home and needing help to clean up, nobody was there for me. Nobody checked in with me, nobody asked me what happened. Instead, I was made wrong and told that I was somebody that I wasn’t. That was just confusing, believing that I was worthless, I didn’t matter, and I didn’t belong anymore. I didn’t have a place where I belonged, and nobody liked me. So, I did get the message that I’m not wanted. I didn’t see that coming.
The need that of my 14-year-old self was to see and be seen with compassionate understanding. Because I needed someone bigger than me to see me, to see my heart, and to help me come back into my own wholeness of who I am. So, I took time to be with that energy and to recognize that transparent authenticity, to be empowered to name the truth, of who I truly am, and to know I am safe. That is so important. So, taking the time to unpack that worry and distress allows a part of me to be seen in a new way and to recognize that I do matter.
So, I went back in time, to the morning of asking my son to help me, and I rewrote it! I’m like, “Hey, would you be willing to help me clean up the house?” and when he says, “Maybe.” This time I respond with a smile, and I say, “Thank you. I appreciate any help that you are able to give me today
Have you ever had the experience of feeling it’s just too late? Maybe right before you got there you were really looking forward to something. You might have been filled with anticipation, delight, hope, and possibility, and then something unexpected comes up instead of what you were anticipating. It’s just like the shutters come down. There is no conversation around it, there’s no nothing, it’s just like a big wall comes up. It’s too late.
Maybe you run the mindset that, “It really doesn’t matter anyway.” Or, “I don’t matter anyway. This always happens. It’s just the way it is.” And, there is just no conversation. Instead, there is a complete and utter shutdown.
It would be painful if you could feel it, but in those moments, it feels so disappointing, that your system blesses you with the neurochemicals to numb you out. You go blank. It’s like there is an invisible field between you and life. You can’t feel anything anymore.
Well, you know it’s possible to heal, it’s possible to lay down new pathways to be able to stay engaged within yourself, when disappointment tries to take you out at the knees. It’s possible to slow it down and start to unravel the knot. The neuron-net that’s like a knot that just stuck. It can be so stuck you don’t even see it coming, all of a sudden you are there again.
When you take the time, and you have the accompaniment, someone with experience that can walk alongside of you, so your body has a new experience. It feels safe, it feels accompanied, it feels possibility is close, closer than it’s ever been. This part may need to take it slow. Because one of the mindsets that’s most likely been running it that this isn’t possible, that nothing can ever help, and that no one could possibly understand.
When we have looping patterns, in those neuro-nets, they are actually unconscious. They are running our behavior; they are running our thought patterns. It’s like we have been programmed, or imprinted, and we don’t even like it! It’s not like we do this on purpose. It is actually a learned behavior; it is a conditioning. When you are able to have the support, that can gently accompany you are somatically in your body, and slow down the patterns of the mind, you can start to build a bridge. A bridge of possibility of stepping into staying in relationship, of having an opinion. Having a different point of view and being okay with that. When something happens unexpectedly, you can stay engaged in the conversation and curious. You can discover new answers, new possibilities and new doors can open up.
I worked with a client this last week, and this was one of the patterns that was elusive and hard to get ahold of. Yet, by stepping into the process of slowing time down, and sinking into the heart, to ask the body’s wisdom, “What is ready to heal?” Then waiting to see what would emerge. There was a very young self, so young, and very tender. That had the experience of not being met where she was. Of feeling super sad, and very alone and lonely. And, that there was nothing that she could do different.
To slow down and have compassion for that part that was never caught, never held with tenderness. To allow that to be an experience in this present moment. To recognize the need, the need to belong, the need to matter, the need to actually be felt.
To take time. Have you ever felt like nobody ever takes time for you? There may be some underlying causes for that. Time is an experience. Because when you take the time in these moments, time becomes time-less. You can even travel through time, and you can have inner parts conversations in order to welcome these parts home into integration. Into the wholeness that you already are.
As you stay with the body, and the wisdom of the body, and bring it into consciousness, what was once lost is now found. And, accompanied with warmth and care. That is just a profound experience to have. It’s possible folks, it’s so possible.
When you take the time, and hav
Have you ever been part of a group where you had the experience that you were on the outside looking in? Maybe just an observer? Maybe it was difficult, or you didn’t speak up because you didn’t know how to engage in the group.
Or maybe your experience is where it’s easy to talk. When you are in a group you can always think of something to say. You can engage with ease, and yet, at the same time, you feel like you are on the outside, that you don’t belong, and you don’t fit in. This is the experience of a group that I’ve been working with, that they were exploring the other day.
For example, I have a hand, and I have two sides to this hand. So there are two sides to having the experience of having a hand. This is an analogy for what it’s like to be in a group. One side of the hand is scared to speak up. Maybe it doesn’t know how, and as they begin to learn how, by exploring the process of self-compassion, and slowing time down to be in your experience to notice the nuances of that experience, They are discovering that when they have accompaniment with them, that it empowers them to have the courage to speak up.
On the flip side, those of us who don’t have a problem speaking up, having a conversation, broadcasting whatever we are thinking about. For them to still have the experience that they don’t belong, or they don’t fit in to the group dynamics, is the same thing. Just a slightly different aspect of the same thing.
Yet, when they also have that accompaniment, and they are empowered to slow down, the recognition for both sides of the hand is; when we take time to slow down for self-compassion, by resourcing from our heart, our body, our soul, then we are empowered to have an authentic voice.
The authentic voice is the one that speaks from truth. It speaks from our heart of hearts and is grounded and rooted in our sacred values. To me it’s such a beautiful experience to witness these connections being made in community.
We all have both sides of the hand, and though they can feel, or the perception of what we tell ourselves about our experience is different, the beautiful needs are the same. That need for a sense of belonging and inclusion, mattering and being able to fit it. For fitting in to feel “just right”. That is important for all of us to experience.
If you are interested in getting to participate in a group like that, I invite you to check out my free course. There is a preview of what the course is all about, there are five videos and on the last page there is an application if you are ready to take those next steps to develop your capacity to stay self-connected with self-compassion. And to experience the inclusion and belonging and fitting in with warm community. You can find this at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 61]
#TheHealingYouMethod
Introducing Life-Coach Jackie Hibbard!
Today I’m excited to introduce you to my longtime friend and colleague, Jackie Hibbard. Jackie is the owner of Dancing Spirit Equine Facilitated Learning and Coaching, LLC. In her practice, she offers personal and spiritual growth opportunities in partnership with her horses for people wanting to deepen their self-awareness and expand into their most authentic self and state of being.
Listen to learn more...
Reach out to Jackie at www.DancingSpiritHorse.com or by calling (720) 320-7237
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.
.....
*Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community?
You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here:
www.HealingYouSanctuary.com
.....
[The Healing You Method - Episode 60]
#TheHealingYouMethod
It has been a really full week for me, yet at the same time, the week has just begun. So, I took some time to reflect on what is it that is causing me to have the experience that it’s so full? Well, what I’ve com to decide, is it’s because there have been so many moments of holding that sacred space for tender hearts. When that is the kind of space that I’m holding, it’s important for me to be able to call a pause and take time to be with what is. I do this in order to process all of the transformational changes that happen for many others, and for myself. A couple of the experiences that have really touched me this week is working with others who their whole life experience has felt like a big struggle to ever feel like they belong or that they fit in. In fact, they are pretty convinced that they don’t. That’s their life experience. This is compounded by an incomprehension or inability to know how to actually engage with other people. It feels really awkward because they were never supported to develop those skill sets when they were little. This can be caused by neglect, and neglect can show up in many, many different ways. Emotional neglect can be very debilitating, and so painful. It’s like it is almost invisible in our society, for there to even be acknowledgment that there is such neglect exists. Unfortunately, it does. And, I’m here to hold that space that says no one needs to stay stuck there. I know it’s super painful, or at the time it can feel like you are numb or just invisible and that nobody can see you. When you begin to heal it can be shocking to find out, “You mean people can see me? I thought I was invisible.” These are really young parts, and they need to be held with exquisite gentleness precise empathy guesses, for their whole sense of self to begin to form. It’s like that got passed over and now there is a new opportunity that resonant warmth provides in relationship with a trusted other. Sometimes when this comes up, the body of the person that’s experienced the trauma, it impulsively reacts the way it always has. So, I have a prop here to show you a little bit of what that might look like. Someone might crumple down so they can hide. Or they cover up their face with a pillow. Or, they smoosh their face into the pillow because anytime somebody puts something right up to their face, especially here (to the forehead) this is the body letting you know that they are needing to get the blood to come back up to the prefrontal cortex. So they can calm. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the brain in the palm of your hand, it’s fairly accurate in size. The wrist is the spinal column, the palm is the brain stem, the thumb folding over is the limbic system and we’d have two of them because we have right and left hemispheres. The fingers coming down over the top represents the prefrontal cortex. The middle two fingers, the tips of them, touch all these parts. We want to build a superhighway between the middle prefrontal cortex and the alarm system, the amygdala. Because the amygdala is reading your environment all the time, “Am I safe? Do I matter?” When our body recognizes something in our environment from our past when we didn’t matter and we weren’t safe, we flip our lid. So, all of the 25 watts of electricity that we have in our system, it all is then gone to the amygdala. We lose our ability to stay present. So, when somebody comes in a smooshes their face into a pillow when I’m working with them, I am not going to make them wrong, or shame them. I want to join them and model back to them that I understand with compassion. “Oh, that’s really soft! Hmm, I like that, what’s it feel like to you?” I want to meet them right there, right where they are because I’m imagining that it’s a really young part that never was met that way. And that is so important. So, I was inspired, because that’s important information that many people don’t have access to. How important it is to stay relational. When so
Have you ever had someone else give you a look that caused you to recoil with a shame reaction? Maybe the look implied that you’d done something wrong or that you hadn’t done something well enough. Maybe it brought up a free inside of you around feeling hurt or rejected. Or it sparked a need to defend yourself and it was really uncomfortable. Yet, your voice just couldn’t be heard. Maybe when this happened, you felt invisible or they obviously didn’t even know you. At the same time, even if they are having expectations of you, I’m wondering if you are needing some shared reality around what it’s like to receive projections from others. I’m guessing you may be needing your own intentions to be acknowledged and seen for what they truly are. When someone gives us a look, especially if it is one of disgust, it’s going to cause that instantaneous response in our nervous system. Our neck and our shoulders will actually lose muscle tone and we go into a collapse. The dorsal vagal is activated and we go into immobilization. When we move from social engagement, the highest ventral vagal, which enables how we can talk and experience ease with our facial expressions. When we slip down to our sympathetic nervous system we are activated and ready to fight or run. If something happens where fighting or running doesn’t seem possible, that’s when we slip down into the unmyelinated dorsal vagal nerve. Everything moves super slow there. That’s because our body is releasing a neurochemical to eliminate most of the pain that we feel. Because it’s a painful reaction to fall into shame. If we were in our sympathetic nervous system and someone shot us a look of disgust, we’d probably want to fight with them. Yet, I want to hold a lot of space for what it’s like when others project their expectations upon you. Maybe with just a look. What if it’s possible for you to instead, be able to recognize those projections for what they truly are, and not take it personally. To have insight into recognizing the patterns this other person is running in their system. Another things that’s possible is you can develop empathy buddy relationships, so that when you have a shame reaction or even anger, whatever the emotion may be that comes up for you, you can call them up and get some empathy for that. That is my favorite strategy to use. When we get that kind of support as needed consistently, we start growing the fibers of attachment between our prefrontal cortex and our limbic system, specifically the amygdala, the emotional alarm system. That supports us to grow both our window of tolerance, being able to stay available and tolerate emotions that used to be more uncomfortable, as well as you can grow your window of welcome where you can stay engaged and in your ventral vagal social engagement system. Even in the face of these kinds of projections that others may have. Because, as you grow those fibers of “I make sense” neurons, you step more fully into who you truly are, instead of stuck in the fear of who you are not. I’d like to offer you a little something, when you notice that you are having a shame reaction, what you can do is pay attention to the sensations in your body. Maybe your cheeks get tingly and hot. Pay attention to the sensations, and also make a clear observation around what the trigger was. It’s like taking a snapshot of what happened, or what you heard, or what you said. You can then use that with your empathy buddy, name the observation and then notice what happens in your body. As you practice this, with a friend or trusted others, identify the beauty of the need underlying that reaction. Once you’ve received some empathy support and you notice a shift in your body, come back to the observation and notice how your body responds the next time. There will be a difference, and you may need to get several rounds of empathy, depending on how strong the reaction was that you had. If you would like to join with others that are
Have you ever felt really inspired by an idea or felt called to speak up about something in community, or in the world? Just when you are about ready to speak up or step out, fear or doubt comes in and starts to have this conversation in the background of your mind. It might sound something like, “What if someone gets upset by what I say?” or it could be, “What if somebody comes right out and disagrees with me? That would be really uncomfortable.” Or maybe it’s a pattern you have in your life, you’ve just always looked outside of yourself for the answers, so you need permission to speak up. Permission from outside of you. This is a familiar path that I’ve taken, more than once in my life. At different stages and different ages, it shows up slightly differently. Yet, the pattern really is not really knowing your own truth. Not really having the conviction deep inside that gives you solid ground to stand on. Regardless of what somebody else may think, or do, or say. What inspires that kind of conviction inside of you? When I first started to get some solid ground for myself, with conviction, through my children. As they were growing up and they were developing and evolving into who they were going to be in this world, I was proud of them. I love them, and I want to empower them and be the wind beneath their wings. When they were getting older and started to run into some conflicts, having stretching and growing pains, I discovered that I had a different kind of metal inside of me. It’s from my heart, I was a momma bear. I would be right there for them as an advocate for them. At one point in my life I thought, “Well, wait a minute. What do I want to model for my children about myself? Am I willing to speak up? Am I willing to have a voice that might be different from anyone else’s voice and let that be okay? Can I speak with passion, purpose, courage and tenacity? Can I do this consistently? Yes, I can, I am doing this thing. I am living my life on purpose and I’m following the light from inside, because that’s what I’ve discovered in my life’s journey. That is where my answers lie, it’s not outside of me, it’s not getting permission from any other human being. It’s from knowing in my heart and soul why I’m here and what I’m about. It’s about being empowered by spirit for me. If somebody comes along and they don’t agree with me, which you know has happened more than once, then I can stay engaged in a conversation. I can stay curious and interested. I don’t need to make myself wrong and I don’t need to make someone else wrong just because we don’t see eye to eye. I can appreciate our differences. What I did, on this journey, was I took the time to unpack the question, “Why don’t I stand up for me? Why doesn’t someone have my back for that?” I did some inner-child work, I got some really deep support to time-travel back and recognize my younger self. The part of me that was never accompanied in that way. When I wasn’t accompanied in that way I didn’t know how to do that for myself. So going back and taking the time to allow the process to inform me, to find this lost part, to allow my soul to experience a retrieval. It’s really sacred work. The, taking the time for self-care, to nurture this new aspect of myself, so I’m able to grow fully and completely and confidently. Just like my kids get to! I think I’ll be growing for the rest of my life. I’m quite confident of that, and I’m looking forward to this journey. How about you? How’s your journey going? Are you able to slow down and accompany yourself? Or do you have support in your life to accompany you? If you’d like to join with community, that’s heart-centered, you can check out a free course I have on my website at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com I’m really passionate about drawing people together that are like-minded and heart-centered to be more light in this world. Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step int
Do you ever worry about anything? I do. I woke up this morning really worried about a lot of things that I didn’t realize that I was worrying about. I don’t know for you, but I know for me I can catch the “what if’s” What if this happens, or what if that happens, or what if this DOESN’T happen? What if that other thing happens? That is a tangled web that can get complicated and murky. Another thing that can happen with the worries for me is I can fear the worst. Learning all these new technologies that I’m doing, as I’m developing my sense of self in the world and wanting to reach more people and create more resources, what if I crash the whole program? That would be disastrous. What if my internet goes out when I’m in the middle of making a recording? Or what if my sound doesn’t work? What if the internet makes everything slow way down, and then speed up really fast? I’ve had that happen to me, and I didn’t like it. So, I worried about it because I didn’t want it to happen ever again. So maybe there’s part of me that thinks that if I worry enough it won’t happen! I don’t know. Maybe. Then there is another worry, what if I run out of time? There are only so many hours in a day, there is only me, myself, and I here to do these things. And the clock keeps ticking. I’m like, “Where did time go? I was just getting started. What do you mean I forgot to eat lunch?” And then, on my gosh, how do you make ends meet? Because there are extra expenses. There are things you don’t expect to come up. How are you going to manage and have your resources stretch, when they are already stretched further than you want them to stretch? Stretching is uncomfortable. I’m here to tell you it’s true. So, I’ve been getting stretched out of my comfort zone. Stretching and discovering that I can learn this new technology. I can actually have a little bit of fun with it. When I notice that life is getting busy, it reminds me to come back and practice presence. To remember why I’m doing what I’m doing. To re-center myself with my intention from my heart. Just naming that right now I can feel my whole body relax. Just down shift. I’ve been waiting all day to make this video. I’m thinking it might have been a good thing to start my day. I could have down shifted a long time ago! And yet, I guess this is perfect timing. Because life is a journey. What started my day was waking up in the middle of the night running all of those fears that I shared with you a minute ago, when I recognized that to take time throughout my day to practice presence. Dropping into my body and paying attention to where my mind rests. Noticing the tension in my shoulders, the tension down my spine. Sometimes I feel like I could just cry, I don’t even know why, but boy I could sure cry. So, I’m guessing there are some neuro-chemicals that are ready to move and am I willing to allow it? That’s the big question there. Because there are parts of me, from my ever-present-past, that doesn’t ever want to allow that. So when I can bring in that grandmother energy of love, that has grace embodied love, then there is a softness that can happen. There is a remembering of who I am created to be. Because you know, the truth is, life can only seem to be against you when you are being someone whom you are not. I know it’s true that life is for you. Rather than being scared of the what-if’s and terrified of the worst happening and running out of time, what about trusting? You can trust that life is for you, and you can follow your own rhythm. If it starts speeding up, you can slow it back down. You can practice resourcing yourself in the moment. When we can practice presence, I’ve discovered that I can stay curious and fascinated with life, for the rest of my life. Because there is always going to be the unexpected that pops up. Then it’s an opportunity to connect with that. If this resonates with you, I invite you to check out my free course on my website at www.HealingYouSanctua
Today I was reflecting on life realizing just how many cool things there are that you could end up experiencing and doing in life! I remember starting out as a kid, I just wanted to be a mommy. I loved my mommy. Then I wanted to be a music teacher, then I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to be a singer. There are just so many different things! I loved horses, so of course I wanted to be with horses, which I am living my dream there. I wanted to travel and see the world, and there are so many things that I’d love to contribute in the lives of others. So even slowing down to recognize who my tribe is, boy, was that a task for me! Because I wanted to be with everybody. I want to support everybody. You tell me what you need, and I would figure out a way to support you, believe me! At the same time, when I slowed down my inner chatter was; “How could I possibly choose? What if I choose wrong? That would be a problem. I wouldn’t ever want to do it wrong. If I choose something what if I miss out on something?” Because I didn’t want to miss out on anything that life had to offer. I wanted it all from of place of wanting to savor this life. The next phase of my life was like, “Oh, look, there is that person. Look what they are doing. I don’t know that I would ever be able to do it like that! And, doubt and fear would begin to clog my vision, and then I’d feel like why even try. Others of us, when we get started on our journey, we love all of the different possibilities, so we get started with something and are on fire with it – and then we’re not. We lose our momentum, we don’t end up having the experience that we thought we would, or, maybe we’d have to put In a little more of our heart and soul into the path. And it felt like there were a lot of tangled webs in there, that were shadowy, and we weren’t really feeling confident that we had the support we needed to be navigate that territory. That resonates with my life experience. Because then I’d have to trust somebody, and the truth was, I did not trust many people at all. Not with my shadow parts. That was really vulnerable territory. You know what I’ve discovered, by continuing on this path on this journey in life, is that I do have a very unique gift for the world. And you do too. When you follow your heart, I’ve discovered that you cannot get it wrong, whatever it is. Because when we slow down to actually reside in the heart, our inner sanctuary, that’s where we can commune with Spirit. We can get really real with life. There may be some diversions that we have along the way, yet; when we keep coming back to our heart, back to our body, our inner sanctuary, we can always re-center. Because I know I was born to be a heart-centered person that loves to contribute in the lives of others. That gives my life joy! When I’m in relationship with life it’s not about ‘I’m missing out on something’ it’s about celebrating the lives of others! Collaboratively celebrating that others have celebrations in their lives and living their dreams and being in relationship with them. Then they are there with you celebrating your life as well so there is a mutuality. There is a reciprocal relationship that builds that bridge of trust so strong. The truth is, no one can be you, except you. And, that’s the gift – YOU are the gift. So, stepping into the truth and living the principle, “I am a unique being. I am complete and whole as I am.” Trusting that my path becomes clear before me as I live life heart-centered and present each moment, being who I was created to be. That’s why I’m here. I know that it’s true that nothing and no one is against me. Because Life really is for me. Life celebrates when we are born and is always available to support us on our path. We just need to slow down to be able to experience that. Rather than being caught up and lost in the echoes of our mind. A lot of shadows are created there. So, what is a skillset that can support you on this journey? Being a
This week I’ve been spending time people who have felt really tender-hearted and vulnerable. They have been having experiences of noticing that they lose their focus, or they have a really foggy mind. At the same time, it feels really painful to be right where they are. Sometimes they pick up a strategy to get really busy, in order to distract their mind from the pain. Because when we use our focusing attention network, it actually shuts off their default mode network. The part of us that is always rehashing our whole life and wanting us to be able to do more than survive. But we want to survive first. When we have had trauma in our life, our default mode network can become vicious. It’s doing it’s best to protect us from further harm. When we get really busy and we focus our attention intently, it seems as if the pain is numbed out. What’s really happening inside is it’s like putting a big blanket over the top of the right hemisphere’s amygdala and it seems to quiet it. It’s more like a disconnect that’s happening. Because underneath that blanket, the felt-sense of you is left writhing in the pain, yet it’s not being acknowledged. What that can do is end up feeling like it builds, so when you are not busy anymore, it comes back with a vengeance. So, I want to slow down and take a pause for that, with compassion. Because that’s tough to experience. Especially when we haven’t had any accompaniment that understands what’s happening for us. So that we can begin to understand what is happening within us. Because it doesn’t seem like it makes any sense. We can slip into shame, or make ourselves wrong, or bad. We are really needing to have an experience where these very tender and young feeling parts feel it’s safe to receive acknowledgement. That they do make sense, and they can trust that they will be understood, and seen, and heard fully and completely. And, that no harm will come to them for having dared to speak their truth. It can feel really hard to experience this all by yourself. Yet I know it is possible, on this journey of life, to find pockets of support. To find warm, resonance, with your felt-sense of experience. And to develop your capacity to warmly focus your attention, with intention. The power is where we focus our attention, our energy then follows that. So when we have warm accompaniment, it empowers us to develop that capacity within us. We can learn, through the experience of being held softly, gently, with so much care, and yet also, with precision. Precision laced with exquisite grace. Because when we have really tender parts, that have not been fully heard or felt by another being, we don’t need to be in a hurry. We get to develop our capacity to slow time down. To allow these parts of us to experience something different. It’s like, if there is a doormat, what does the doormat cover up? Sometimes in our life, experiences happen, and we put a mat over the top of them because we are trying to protect ourselves from that pain. When we have accompaniment that has the capacity to be gentle, and yet still have precision with how we pay attention, then we start to learn how to peek under that mat. To notice what’s there, what’s waiting to be discovered? What’s waiting to be found and welcomed home? When this happens then we start to develop new mindsets. Instead of, “I’m not safe. I don’t matter. I’m not important. I don’t belong.” We begin to know that we make sense! No wonder it was so uncomfortable before. It’s possible to relax and learn new ways of being. I am safe after all, and I am able to be kind to myself. A practice that can support this is to slow it down. To begin to recognize what seems to be against you. It might just be this felt-sense, but when we can slow time down, we can start to step into the flavor of that experience. Instead of trying to rush through it, or push it away, or hide it again. When we can slow down to recognize what seems to be against you, it could be a r
Have you ever been scared of the unknown? You know, feeling frightened and uncertain, not knowing what to do, or how to do it. Or even what “it” is. To be knocked off your center, and you can feel it in your bones. This fear that is just lurking there and then nothing feels safe. For me, part of the worst of it is feels so all alone in the midst of it. With nowhere to turn for support, or it seems there is nowhere to turn for support. I remember as a child when I would experience this, I would be scared what might be under my bed. Or, did you have any idea what might be in your closet in the middle of the night? And it’s dark when you have to get up to go to the bathroom. The hallway seemed so long, and cold, and lonely. Sometimes those types of childhood fears can stay with us in our bones, in the shadows of our lives. Unless we have been blessed enough, or fortunate enough, or by chance we met another being that understood us. Someone that got us, and we could feel felt. In our bones. You know that is possible. Regardless of what our fears may be, because there can be so many different kinds of fears that can be awakened within you. Maybe it’s something that somebody said, and then your mind just can’t stop thinking about it. It gets darker and scarier and actually terrifies you so you can’t sleep. Or you are afraid to sleep. It can become such a deeply embedded pattern that is painful. Last night I had some worries come up. I had some things come up and some of the oddest dreams. In the midst of that whole experience, all of a sudden, I noticed my breath. I noticed I was holding my breath. In that moment something was awakened in me. My highest and best self that I’ve been having nurtured for years, I refer to this part as my Grandmother me, who’s warm and caring and so compassionate. This warmth just comes in and I can feel it on my face, and it comes down through my heart. Then all of a sudden, I notice I’m breathing again. It’s like tapping into this inner light that I do believe we are all born with. Sometimes it needs to be kindled in a relationship of warmth with another, that understands right where you are at. When you have that experience of being met right there, you start to learn how to come into presence. How to actually be in the unknown and be all right! Because we get to discover what life is, and we get to experience life alive and in the NOW, instead of getting lost in the patterns of the mind. Come back to your heart. In your heart, this is where you get to know your truth, which is your voice, your expression in our world that is so needed. It’s so valuable. And, we get to be accompanied by Spirit, who’s always here, always now. So, we are never alone, in that felt-sense way. There is this pool of quiet tranquility that you can abide in, that is really relaxing and when you sit in this place. This is the place where the mind-sets that you have are, “I’m here. I am open hearted when my connection in my heart is with Source. I am present in the now. I’m alright with being in the unknown because I stay curious to see what might want to emerge in this moment, and to accompany that. That empowers me. Some practices you could do, if you resonate with this experience at all, is practicing presence. The first step of that is to slow down and notice your breathing. If you are like me your breathing may be stopped. Or maybe it’s really shallow if you are frightened. That could be true. Then, notice where you are in your body, when you bring your attention to your body, where does your mind rest? Next, notice, what are you telling yourself? Start to hear the whispers of your past experiences that were unaccompanied. Or maybe they just need another round of being accompanied without being made wrong. Then, breathe into your body and notice what that’s like. If you are willing to take the time, to do some practicing, there is a really simple technique that you could begin to use each day. I
Today I’ve been sitting with how it is to be with intense emotions. I’m wondering, are the certain emotions that you notice, that knock you off balance? Or they feel more intense, or difficult to stay present to than others? It could be maybe when somebody get really angry, they get intense, and in your face. Do you lose your voice? Do you get angry back and get reactive? Maybe you get scared. Or maybe when somebody else gets scared it terrifies you! It’s more than you can stay present with at all. There are others of us that we might have a really tough time is somebody is just so sad. If they are so sad and consumed with their grief it just feels heavy and impossible and sticky and messy and we just want to get out as quick as we can. Then there are others that are SO HAPPY. They are EXZUBERIENT with their JOY, and it feels really uncomfortable. It could be any of these, or maybe it’s disgust that knocks you out of the ballpark. That’s a pretty tough one, for most of us, to stay present to. I know in my experience I was terrified of scary. If someone got angry it was not safe at all. If somebody else got scared, I was like a watchdog looking to see where’s the danger? I’d jump really fast and my body would give me away. Then I’d be consumed with shame, because I didn’t think I should show up that way. Yet unless we have the opportunity to be in relationship with others that stay relational with us, we don’t know how to self-soothe. We don’t know how on our own to do that, it’s not possible as humans. We need relationships with others. I am so grateful for all of the others in my life, of which there are many, that offer me co-regulation. They offer me relationships of trust, of nurturance, that grows my ability to be resilient. To where it’s really possible when somebody gets really angry, they could even be livid with you, and you can stay present and hear their heart. You can begin to tune in to what’s the need under that, what got missed, what wasn’t heard or felt by anyone else? It’s coming up right now to be welcomed, instead of being made wrong. Or if someone is really scared and they flip their lid, can you be the master regulator and stay present and curious and open-hearted with warmth and kindness? Because that’s what is needed. When we can stay calm and yet alert, tracking the environment, then it supports other nervous systems to begin to come back online as well. So together, we can be really powerful, when we stay in relationship with one another. With warmth and resonance. It’s possible to have the mindset that it’s safe to slow time down. To take the time to be in relationship, rather than being in a hurry to get on to the next thing. Or to get away from other people when we feel uncomfortable. How do you think that might be possible? How do we grow our capacity to stay in relationship when intensity shows up? Or maybe it’s not even that much intensity that takes us out. How do we grow our heart-space to be more accepting of what is? For me it’s learning how to do the dance of co-regulation, and we need a partner for that. Being able to partner up with a trusted other and practice pausing. Noticing when you get triggered and acknowledge it’s a trigger to your trusted partner. Take turns practicing; if you know you get scared by a certain look on the face, or a certain body posture, or a certain tone of voice, have your partner slow it down and amp the trigger up gradually. This way you can notice what that’s like gradually in your body. What you find will astonish you. When you slow time down like that, recognizing what happens in your body and making empathy guesses that resonate with your experience, you begin to grow your window of tolerance into a window of welcome for that emotion. This is a practice with compassion, and if you are willing to practice this find someone you trust. Talk about what triggers you and grow your window of welcome for emotions that before you just didn’t kn
Today I was thinking about the time in my life when everything felt really intense. I felt so much sensitivity to my environment. I would be told things like, “You are just way too sensitive, you need to chill out a bit.” Or, “Man, you are deep.” (like it was a bad thing) Or I was told, “Why do you work so hard? Why don’t you just relax and enjoy life?” Those kinds of comments were bewildering to me. They didn’t resonate with my felt experience. What I want to reach out to all of you, if you resonate with this experience, is to acknowledge what is really possible when you have that level of sensitivity in your spirit. It’s a gift. It’s possible to develop the capacity to stay present in each moment of your life, to the best of your ability. When you do that you are able to live life with an open heart. You recognize that your sensitivities are gifts, you are born with special gifts, that allow you to take in life in a radically different way. Rather than being just a 5-sensory being, you are gifted to be a multi-sensory being. You absorb energy in a different way, the energy and information flow that surrounds all of life. You are able to enjoy stepping into those deep and meaningful conversations with other heart-centered people. And, that is very satisfying. You are able to grow those heart-connections with ease as you foster and nurture them, and you are nurtured by them as you grow community that gets you. You love the opportunity to hold the sacred space for other beings, you recognize that it’s an honor that brings such joy to your heart and soul. The mindset that is being nurtured within you is that you revere life. There is a sweetness to it as you foster heart-connections with everyone you meet. You can see that each person has a unique soul and gift that they bring to the world. So how do you get from that place of believing you are just too sensitive, too deep, and why don’t you learn how to chill and relax? To being empowered to live life large and on purpose and thriving in each of those moments of heart connections. The skillset that is so helpful to develop this way of being in the world, is to develop your emotional awareness. Not just through your mind, it’s not just reading about it, it’s about having a practice that you embody deep within you. Recognize that those sensitivities that you were born with are your birthright. They will support you as you are able to practice consistently with an empathy buddy noticing your sensations, noticing what emotion those sensations represent. Expand your window of welcome for all the different frequencies that life has to offer you. Life is like a school, and in the school of life you can learn something each day from the inside out. If this resonates with you, then I encourage you to find somebody has the skill sets to practice with you, to nurture you and to foster you. Practice journaling about your experiences and noticing each day what life is teaching you and savor it. If this is something that lights you up like it does me, then I invite you to join me and other heart-centered people, on a journey. It’s called the Healing You Journey and you can begin with the free course on my website, www.HealingYouSanctuary.com when you get to the last page there is an application you can fill out and it will come directly to me and we can schedule a chat. I look forward to the journey with you! Healing You. ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 51] #TheHealingYouMethod
The World Is Ready To Heal Yet... ...it’s taking longer than it might because... you don’t show up authentically. I’m speaking to YOU if... * You are a transformational coach (life coach, holistic practitioner, healer, equine facilitated learning coach, counselor, therapist, etc.) and... * you just don’t feel like you belong. In fact, you often wonder - if you do fit in somewhere - where that place is! I want to say that you people are sensitive souls! Imagine if every leader who has a heart for people began to align their lives with their sacred values and modeled that way of Living Life openly and transparently with CONSISTENTCY. Imagine the FEEL of the actual vibrational frequency that would build from consistently Living Life Transparently and Authentically. You and I came here to make a difference in the world, and you are drawn to join with others like you, collaboratively, to nurture, to support, and to experience life in Warm Community. Your purpose in Life depends on it. Do you need a little shared reality around your beliefs? Some acknowledgement that there’s a light ready to emerge from deep within your heart of hearts, and you need a solid connection to something greater than yourself that you can count on? Do you find yourself stuck, living in a culture that is dominate? One that is all about survival of the fittest? And this perception not only delays the healing of others - because you are hiding and don’t even know you are hiding... It hurts your relationships and your very ability to thrive in Life. You are the change you wish to see in the world, and you need to be willing to allow your voice to be heard, to Be a Light for the people you’re here to support. *Do you want help to begin to untangle your nest of fears in a way that feels good? To begin to discover who you really are? I have a program for that. It’s called the Healing You Journey. It’s had great reviews from healers just like you. Watch the free video here and fill out the application on the last page. The program starts on Thursday. I look forward to accompanying you on your journey. Healing You. https://www.healingyousanctuary.com/landing-page ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 48] #TheHealingYouMethod
As the year is coming to a close, I find it a good time to reflect back over the last year, and even back over my life. To recognize where I am on this journey of my life. I was thinking back to earlier on in my journey, where I found myself in a karmic loop. Where life just didn’t seem to make sense. It wasn’t unfolding in the way I believed it was going to. I was having tough time understanding what I might do differently. I would fall into the place of feeling hopeless, blah, and all alone on my journey. I was lonely and really needing community, others that would get me and feel what I would feel. I felt very overwhelmed by all of the perceived pressures in my surroundings, wondering why life was happening the way it was. It just didn’t make sense. Well, that was in my 20’s and 30’s, and as I continued on my journey, I found on my path some bridges; other souls that could meet me right where I was. They helped to collaboratively create a bridge over this chasm of life not making sense to new possibilities. It wasn’t always easy, life is a journey, and that was part of my discovery. To recognize that my life is an ongoing journey. There will always be something new that I can learn, when I willing to be open to that learning. Instead of wanting life to be different than it is. I began to have a wider vision and I could begin to see things I couldn’t see before. I could see details that were now being illuminated that seemed to be in the dark before. I began to trust that it’s possible to live my life from my heart, with what I value leading my way. It’s also possible that I can share that, I can share my truth with others that open and receptive to hearing and would like to journey along with me. So, I grow a community with others where we share values and a way of being in this world. We are supportive in this community; we are warm and caring and compassionate. We are able to identify the different cultural conditioning that can permeate our schools, our homes and our workplaces. We can have compassionate understanding around those perceptions, without buying into them. So, how do we do this? How do we traverse that chasm where we need that bridge to be built? Well, we can recognize that we are complex beings. Actually, spiritual beings having a human experience. We can have the mindset that recognizes that when I take the time to slow down, I’m mindfully laying down new neural pathways within my being that I make sense. I make sense, the world makes sense, and even those that don’t share my point of view make sense. And passion and purpose inspire everything I do. It inspires my next breath. I would like to invite you, if you resonate with my life’s journey, sharing where I’ve been and where I’m going, to begin to recognize your own patterns inside of you. When recognizing those patterns, part of it is listening to how you talk to yourself. Listening to your own inner chatter that can loop around, even noticing the way you talk when you are speaking with others. Notice your choice of words, without judgement, simply noticing what it is you are creating with your words, with your language. When you notice what you are saying, silently or verbally, notice what’s happening in your body. Begin to develop a language of sensation. As you notice your sensations, name them out loud and notice what happens inside. If you are willing to do that, then also take the time to write it out. Journal it, track it. It can be a mindfulness practice that you begin each day with. Journaling down your patterns, journaling your inner talk, and journaling your sensations and naming it. Notice what that is like for you. What are the needs you are meeting when you do this? What are you creating? What pathways are you laying down? If this feels like it’s in alignment with your values, then I invite you to journey with me. Take that next step and go to my website at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com and click on the free course to get
I’ve been thinking about how stress can affect us, and what happens when stress just gets in your face. Well, the other day, I had a stress reaction. I was having a conversation with somebody, they got really angry and had the look of disgust on their face. I had such a huge visceral reaction. I was shocked, I got angry, and I got afraid also. Then my mind goes a little bit blank because I’m flipping my lid. I get really afraid I’m going to say something wrong and make everything worse. Then, maybe I’ll get rejected and I lose my voice! I start to become less than inside of myself and it feels like there’s absolutely nowhere to turn for support. That’s really a painful place to be! There are a lot of things that happen within us, especially when we are faced with the look of disgust from another person. It actually lowers our immune system. On this journey of my life, I have found that there are places that can support me, which have helped to create resilience within me in the face of stress. So, I know that it’s possible to be able to respond in those situations with compassionate understanding. To have a bigger view of what is actually taking place in the moment. It begins with instead of reacting, you can practice pausing in the moment, to connect with yourself before reacting, so you can respond in choice. When we feel afraid we are going to say something wrong, what we can do different is learn we can practice staying present with uncomfortable emotions which will expand our window of welcome for those emotions. We can receive our bodies wisdom, as we take time to be in our body. What’s also possible is to recognize that when we are afraid of being rejected, we are really needing acceptance. So, begin by practicing self-acceptance, knowing that when you honestly express your truth with authenticity, that’s why you are here. Rather than feeling there is nowhere to turn for support, when you practice presence, you are able to notice that inner chatter and empowered to connect inward with Source, which calms the mind that gets so whirling. Because the mindset that is the pathway to traverse that chasm between those two different ways of being, is when you can recognize there is an imbalance that is happening in the moment and in your culture that surrounds you, is recognizing how vital it is that you are authentically you. For you to speak your truth in the moment with grace. How do we begin to practice this? There are some skillsets that I find vital. Practice observing, making an observation which is void of any interpretation. Just what is actually happening, can you see what is actually happening, other than what you are projecting upon your environment? The practice of observation, Krishnamurti says is, “the highest form of human intelligence.” So, notice, what triggers a reactive state in you? When you start to notice what triggers that state in you, notice what happens in your body instantaneously. As you keep your attention in your body, without judgement, but with what Krishnamurti calls the highest form of human intelligence, observing, what is actually happening. Notice what happens as you rest your attention in your body, with the sensations of when you are triggered. That is a really big first step. So, if you are willing to do that, I would also encourage you to keep a journal about that, called ‘Practicing Presence’. You can do this at the end of every day. You can notice, what happened in my day? Make an observation about what triggered you. Then, in the moment what’s amazing is that time-travel empathy, even though it happened earlier in your day, when you take the time to be present in your ‘Now’ and remember what happened, notice what happens in your body in that moment. The body is the container of all of your experiencing. When you take the time to be with your experiences, and process them in this way, there is some magic that happens for you. So, if you are willing to do that, I en
Today I’ve taken the time to get present with the truth that there are many of us on this life journey who have had the experience of not really knowing who we are. The experience of not knowing what to do in our life, or how to be in life. We find ourselves going through the motions, like a robot on auto-pilot, driven by the shouldn’t and the ought’s and have-to’s of our life. What we have been conditioned to believe we should do, or we ought to do, or told we have to do, and that drives our behavior. I remember in my life, there is more than once that I found myself in this place. I remember meeting another person who was talking about the value of awakening, and a rebirth of their whole felt-sense of self. I was like, “What are you talking about?” I didn’t get it. How is that possible? I just had so much doubt that there was actual value to what this other person was saying. Then, I had a lot of shame around my doubt and about my emotions, not trusting that it was safe to show up in my doubt, or with my questions. So, then I had this very harsh, contemptuous, rather ridiculing voice inside that would consume me with worry, shame and guilt. It was a vicious loop. I was doing my best to figure this thing called life, out. Well, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to find your path, and to find on that path that you are free, to be who you were born to be. That it’s possible to have compassionate understanding around these intricacies and subtleties of life. You can actually be inspired by your life. Be inspired by life itself and step into that experience to be One with Life in its fullness. Then, you can embody your whole felt-sense in your Being. You get to Be who you Are. Nothing more and nothing less. And those emotions that used to stymie you, and confuse you and you’d feel worry and guilt? It’s possible to discover that they make sense, that YOU make sense. It’s like, “No wonder you felt the way you did!” Because now you understand what was lying underneath that. When you honor your emotions, you are able to then receive their messages, which is a bottom-up process. You develop your capacity to be gentle, kind, and loving. To have a sense of peace that resides within you. How is this possible? Part of it is our perceptions. There is paradigm shift that happens from where we perceive we don’t know who we are, to get to that place where we know we are free to be who we were created to be. It’s developing your capacity to know deep inside; for me I say, “I know that I am enough as I am.” Then, let that sink in for a minute. It’s because I am open to receive; I am open to receive from Life, through my heart, through my sensations, through my emotions, to live in the NOW. I am empowered by my heart connection with Life. To breathe into that and be in that in this moment, in that connection. That would require a skillset, and if we don’t have it then we need to start somewhere. Where I started on my journey was first noticing what did I tell myself, and that was foreign. I hadn’t even realized that I was telling myself something. I was like, “What? What are you talking about?” Then not just noticing what I would tell myself, but then connecting the dots; how does what I tell myself drive my behavior? How are those connections being made unconsciously? I wasn’t aware this was happening. When I started to notice that, then I could also take the time to slow down notice how that feels in my body. It was a contraction with a bit of collapse in my body because there was a shame reaction when we collapse that way. It comes from that belief of scarcity that we are not enough as we are. From that place, to bring in a compassionate witness; sometimes it helps to have an image of someone you love. It could be a grandmother, a close friend, a parent, it could be an animal. To bring in an image of someone you trust, someone you are safe with. From that place in your body, notice when you bring in that compassion
Today I’ve been thinking about how we all need human connections. I also want to acknowledge that some of us, in our early childhood, we experienced a lot of low self-esteem, because of a lack of those human connection. Maybe part of our coping skills was to be super nice to other people in order to ensure that we mattered. Other times some of us would never allow ourselves to express healthy anger. Still, others of us didn’t know how to say no, and we would take on too much, and that created a lot of stress in our bodies. Then, we find it’s difficult to express what our emotions are. You may find that your body says, “No.” because you weren’t able to say no. You find yourself emotionally isolated from others, not knowing how to bridge that gap, how to have those human connections that your body craves and your soul needs. You know, on my journey, I have discovered that it is possible to live your life and like yourself. Not only can you like yourself, you can enjoy other people. As you journey through this life of healing, you discover that you really do matter, and that is mirrored to you in the relationships you have with other humans and animals. It’s possible to develop your capacity to honestly express your truth with authenticity. There is something about speaking with authenticity that is so incredibly empowering, for all of us. It’s also possible to be clear around what your priorities are, beginning with yourself. To prioritize your own health and well-being first, and that will support you to be available to support others. Part of that path is also communicating how you feel and doing so with confidence. Because no one knows you better than you. Then, you’ll discover, just like I have, it’s possible to create and build enduring relationships for the rest of your life. How do I know this is possible? Because this is my life. This is the path that I’ve come down and why I’m on the path I’m on right now. So, when I’m uncertain, I reach out and I ask for some help. There is no shame in that. I take the time I need to make decisions, in order to be in full choice. With a full yes, or a full no. Because my voice does matter in this world. The way I show up, it influences others. Especially my children and loved one. I want to be showing up authentically and sincerely, so they have that model for their lives to pay forward too. I do this because I know my emotions make sense. All the frequencies of emotions, every single one of them matters. When we get distortions in our perceptions, we make some of them bad and wrong, and others to be the best, ever, and they all matter. It’s important to go down this path to learn that they all make sense. Part of that, then, is learning how to listen to your own body’s wisdom. When your body contracts or withdraws, to slow down and be with it, because life is really for you. Life can only seem to be against you, when you are being somebody you are not. So how do you step in to being fully who you are? There are a few different skills sets that would be helpful for you. The first that I recommend highly is to develop your awareness of your body sensations. Then, to develop a language to be able to articulate them, to name them as well as your emotions and the beautiful values and needs that underlie everything that you do. The second step might be a little more challenging for some of us, yet important, is to reach out and develop a relationship with another person where you can practice communicating in this way. Where it’s safe to talk about how you are feeling, and the sensations in your body, what those emotions might be and what you are needing. To have that reflected back with kindness and warmth. I highly recommend that you take time to follow through with journaling about this, if you are willing to take those next steps, and start to develop your awareness of body sensations, and have a language to name what you are feeling. To name what you value. To write