Divorce: The First Six Months with Peter Maestrey: Recent Episodes
Peter Maestrey
This conversation is about Divorce, specifically the first six months. It's about understanding the emotional and physical spaces the guests have gone through. You will listen to and observe what people have experienced and the decisions they made to navigate their divorce. They talk about what happened, what they did, and what they would do differently. The conversation is unique because it provides insights into what happens in divorce within the first six months. Learn what we did, so that you can avoid making the same mistakes.
in this episode, a deep dive into what this means on both sides of the spectrum is shared. Looking into the cost versus the payoff of being a victim or victimizing. Identifying some of the patterns in which it exists and also exploring some of the solutions available to us now. This topic is a very serious one, and many of us who have experienced it or are currently experiencing it does not have the necessary tools readily available sometimes because of whatever limitation we might have.
This episode was created for those that are in this situation. I hope that my observation brings you closer to understanding and finding peace.
In our final episode with Segev, we begin with a mantra he follows. "I am man and I serve love." He shares how this helped him, how it shaped him and how he just more of that now. As we begin to realize that we are completing our conversation, we get a side of Segev that shares insight into what it was like to be divorced with children and how expectations are a building block to what you want to make happen.
We hear how a man takes responsibility for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Making a future for himself that allows him to find gold in every opportunity.
It has been very refreshing to share all the episodes leading up to this one, as well as, this particular one. As a man, you seldom have the space to really be vulnerable and share weakness as Segev has done in this series. I hope that other men, as well as, women. Have the chance to hear it all and discover for themselves what Segev has shared.
In this episode, Segev shares how uncomfortable it is to go against the grain, to risk self-expression. How within his life he has maneuvered to gain acceptance and love out of others expectations. He speaks about how much he cried during his first six months and how he grew to love the process.
How to manage fear is not exactly what the title means. I say this because each of us is different and fear is a much larger thing to manage than a 10-minute podcast. But, do not be discouraged, I do offer up some insight into the world and you will have some solutions presented to you. The important thing to know going into this episode is that we are going to look into how managing fear can be managed.
In this episode, we look at the elements that made his life liveable. How finding himself again began with a choice and how the actions of that choice led him here. We learn the importance of reconnecting with one's self and how Segev discovered that. We also learn the perspective he nurtured to achieve the freedom around remembering who he is and what that looked like for him back when.
Segev has done a lot of work on himself to get to where he is today, and most of it began with looking at himself first. He talks about how people choose the kids as the purpose to keep them going and how that didn’t work for him. How he began to see, to remember, or Re-Member as he says who he was and wanted to be for his kids.
This episode is special, it shows us, the listener, how the road to healing begins with you, and also ends with you.
In this episode, we look into expectations and the many things that showed up around it with Segev. From being obese with skin issues and diagnosed with an autoimmune deficiency disease to the start of his healing, which began when he stopped giving a shit.
Learn how he began to honor himself and stopped being guided by expectations. Find out how he began trusting himself and most importantly owning who he was. The road is never easy, but when you hear people like Segev share their experiences, you begin to see the road traveled on is really the journey to something else.
In this Weekend Nugget I reflect on all the things 2021 and make a request of you, the listeners. Something new is brewing in the horizon and I am eager and hungry to share it with you real soon. In the meantime, enjoy another Nugget for the weekend and thank you for keeping me in your ears while we create another year of insights into divorce.
Happy New Year!
In this episode, we listen to Segev speak about how important it is for him that his kids know that they are loved. He shares how he used to think that being in their lives all the time meant being a good father, especially during the first six months. He shares how being present for them, Chaperoning field trips, picking up, dropping off. Parent-teacher conferences. How this made him feel like a good father.
Listen to the episode and learn what version of himself was needed at different times to be present. You want to listen to all of it and how it took him 8 years to reach acceptance with his ex as their mom. Accepting how she shows up as a mom, how his expectations or ideas of what he wants her to be is met with better or worse. What he does to be okay with the obstacles.
Be ready to hear what worked for him and how he sources his steps. As a dad of two, with an Ex who is not quite yet an X, it takes constant reflection and mindfulness to find the light in situations. Segev provides a slice of what that looks like for him in this episode.
Segev is the first person we have a conversation with within DTF6M that is technically not divorced, but has gone through or is going through what a divorced person goes through. He has two boys, the youngest with special needs and he is a Masculine Embodiment Relationship Coach.
What I learned from Segev in this episode and the ones to come which I hope you will listen to was the acceptance of what life places on his doorstep. He navigates his conversations and obstacles with deep reflection and observation.
He ends this episode with his thoughts of what being a good man was to him and begins by stating that he left the marriage several times, even though he is still not divorced. He shines a light on what honoring himself really means and declares that he did not know how to in the beginning. How that was a reflection of his upbringing and available knowledge.
Segev shares a side of him most would not. He tells you he has cried without apologizing for his manhood. He paints the picture of what he went through and how he overcame in a way we can all understand and relate to. He does all this and more in his conversations. I invite you to listen to all of his episodes in order so that you can learn how his story unfolded.
In our final episode with Daniel, we close this series by looking back at the beginning and saying out loud what most don’t admit. We don’t know how to navigate a divorce. No one goes into it a marriage thinking about this ending as an option. We don’t prep for the process, or the life that comes after divorce, it’s new territory.
He also talks about dating after divorce and how that was for him. Giving some suggestions on what he would do differently, which is not date immediately after his divorce. He shares some personal experiences about it. He is also a big voice when it comes to speaking up about what works for you, and what doesn’t. Sharing and expressing yourself so that you get what you are missing. All this and more inside this episode.
My personal takeaway from Daniel’s conversation is that we all have the potential to be genuine when we speak it into existence. No matter how messy it can sometimes get, when we speak up about what works and what doesn’t, we can move forward in a way that compliments who we are.
If you want to know more about Daniel and what he is up to, you can find him on Instagram at @daniel.herrold, or his website www.DanielHerrold.com. He is also a co-founding member of a great community called Divorced over 40, which can be found locally across most of the United States, and more directly at www.Divorcedover40.com.
In this episode, Daniel talks about the importance of finding your tribe. Describe what that looks like, what qualities they should have to understand your situation, and how important it is for them to have been divorced. How having that common ground makes a difference. He talks about dating right after the divorce and how that is not the best idea, considering the healing process and what dating entails.
This episode is about the pitfalls he himself fell into immediately after the divorce that he advises avoiding if you are fortunate enough to have a choice. He talks about how jumping into dating only prolonged the healing process for him. Emphasizing the importance of healing and the time it takes, how it varies from person to person based on his experience. Pointing out that going out or avoiding the obvious will not move you forward any faster.
This episode is a friendly reminder that what we think will heal us, might not be what we need to heal us.
In this episode of the Nugget, we explore what the Unicorn Divorce is, how to create it, and I also share some tools that you can apply today. From the moment you decide this is something you want to consider, all the way through to the day-to-day management. Please understand that the Unicorn divorce begins and ends with you. Having this kind of divorce does not happen without effort from one of the parties involved. It takes clear communication, compassion, and consistency to make it happen. It takes a real intention.
The hope for you, the listener, inside this particular episode is that you leave understanding what a Unicorn Divorce is, how to create it for yourself, and what are some tools you can apply today. If you leave with one of these things I'm happy, but I am committed that you leave with all three. I had a Unicorn Divorce, as did Daniel Herrold, Episode 30. Check these out and hear for yourself what we did to make it happen.
In this episode, Daniel shares how he discovered himself and what that process looked like for him. From living in a 600 sq. ft. apartment to driving a beat-up car with 180k miles on it. He speaks about the different phases one goes through in the beginning and how taking actions plays an important role. He shares how he invested more time with the people he loves and less time with those he didn't.
After the divorce, he began to think of all the things he hadn’t done that he wished he had. The places he hadn’t seen and the projects he hadn’t pursued.
In talking about the process, we can see why Daniel had the unicorn divorce. He represents something in all of us that most do not exercise. The ability to communicate what we want, the time to think of how to achieve it, and the most important of all. Nurturing the communities that embrace the person who we want to be, not the person they think we should be.
Trust your process!
In this episode, Daniel shares about his relationship with the ex during the divorce. How they agreed on things and how they communicated instead of lunging towards representation and pettiness. He reveals how they kept the same parenting styles, shared time with the kids together, and did it all against the advice of legally inclined relatives and advising friends.
This episode is filled with hope and kindness, and it has their kid’s best interest guiding it, not the race to win against the ex.
I think that if you are someone who is in it right now, about to pick an attorney, or just lost about how to be in the process. Daniel will shine some light for you on what worked for him.
He had a Unicorn divorce.
In this nugget, we travel to the reasons for the topic. Where did it begin, how has it evolved, and why it is so important that we understand it. Marriage is a beautiful union of two souls into a commitment that ends in death do you part. Pretty heavy stuff. This conversation, I believe, brings some clarity to the bigger picture, which is why did we choose to begin this journey that ultimately brought you to my doorstep, podstep in this instance.
My hope is that after you listen to this episode you find a perspective that gives you freedom around the divorce process. That you do not resign to the idea of marriage, but that you source the information and make up new guidelines that work for you, as well as, your new partner.
In this episode, Daniel speaks about what it was like living alone. The moment when the eerily quiet arrived and the feelings started to come in as he settled into his new apartment. He shares how he watched a lot of Netflix and did anything he could to not embrace the loneliness. He also shares what it was like when he realized all the responsibilities he would assume as a single dad, that he didn’t have before. From doing the accounting to making the meals, he had to learn 22 years of stuff he had never done before.
But the real gold of the episode is towards the end, where he talks about not guilting his children when it was his time to be alone with them. He shares how he communicated with his ex about it, and the realization he had just after that conversation. If you are a parent, you want to hear this. It’s an EPIC insight.
Meet Daniel Herrold, father of 3 young women, and a divorce conversation active participant. Daniel is a successful man, both on and off the divorce platform, and in this series of episodes, you are going to see what it was like for him to embrace the challenges that he faced during his divorce. From learning to cook for himself, the kids, to dating again. He walks us through the process of starting over from day one.
In this specific episode, he speaks about what the first six months were like. How the emotional theme of the process was shame and guilt, and how those emotions still linger in today’s world, years later. Daniel explains from a man’s perspective how divorce is viewed as a loss to men, and how we don’t like losing, and he explains how that made him feel. He gives you insight into a man's thought process. A valuable insight for those of you looking to understand. He also talks about who initiated his divorce and what that process was like. How he knew the marriage wasn’t working, but the idea of divorce never...
In this episode, we look at fear from a different perspective. Distinguishing what it is by definition, what it could look like inside of a divorce, and what can be done to not have it be so consuming. Anything that stops you from moving in the direction you want to move towards, or inhibits you from being the person you want to be, usually carries some sort of fear around it. The beauty about fear is that once you distinguish it, slowly but surely it begins to not have such an overwhelming grip on you.
I share a personal story of what I went through in my first weeks that was fear-based, stopping me from my potential. It took time for me before I could actually look at it and understand it. When you are in the soup, it takes time to understand or see what is blocking you. Luckily, I had very good friends to guide me through it and help me set up a path that gave me steps to keep the momentum going.
This episode gives you an example of what is possible when you get in action around something wants to stop you. It gives you tools on what you can do if your feelings are too much, and the results you want too little. I hope you enjoy the episode.
In our final episode with Amy, we begin with the conversation with what the common link between domestic survivors often is, and then complete our episode with happiness is possible. An arc worthy of a rainbows path is how I would share this episode. Amy shares how when you go through one aspect of abuse, it often has more to it, that is hidden deeper. She advises to not try to heal from one isolated incident, but as a whole.
Her experience with the amount of pain she has endured is her credibility. If you need more, then read her book, “My life on Eggshells”. Or you can visit her website and learn about what she is creating.
Whether you listen from start to finish, or you pick and choose according to the titles. However you absorb Amy’s episodes, you can be certain, that the tile of the episode will deliver. Amy has the experience of a war veteran and the calm of a saint. I consider myself lucky to have experienced her story, and even luckier than I am able to share it with you. I feel confident in saying that you will gain plenty of insights into how to survive domestic abuse with her story.
If you are someone who is going through domestic abuse, mental abuse, or any kind of abuse. Reach out and get into communication with people like Amy, who know what it is like from first-hand experience. Reach out to me or any other guest on this podcast. We are all a yes to being of service in providing information. This is why we do it, we share our stories for you to find strength and hope. The better future starts with your choice to begin creating it.
In this episode, we start with what’s important, which is the values you live by. Amy shares how being guided by those values gave her something far greater than the reality of the situation. For example, in her story, she has spoken of what it was like to be abused. How it looked like and what she did in the process of when it was her reality. Back then it was important to try to make it work. Whereas today, it is important that she not tolerate any abuse whatsoever.
She talks about what she loves in her new reality called today, like her morning routine, and connecting with herself in various actions, like, yoga, meditation, and being of service to others through her coaching and book. Never forgetting her past, or diluting it with negative impressions. She instead explains how she is grateful for her journey because it has allowed her to connect with others through the experience she endured and stills experiences as it is not yet complete, years after.
In this episode, I look back at when this started, what happened, and where am I today. Taking in the many conversations that have occurred and how things have grown and developed as a result of this podcast. In looking back, one begins to ask themself where is the finish line, did it serve its purpose, and is it time to pass on the torch.
The process of podcasting has been filled with lots of space to understand, forgive, and create new ways of being that allow a more fulfilled and self-expressed version of myself to come alive. Now, at almost 200 episodes and over 30 conversations with the most amazing people. A new adventure is on the horizon
In this episode, Amy raises an important question. The importance of knowing what a healthy relationship looks like. What are the green flags? She explains how she is grateful for her journey and how it has left her humbled in the process. How she holds no resentment towards her ex.
She talks about how she learned that it was her who needed help for herself and how that was never in sightline. Because it was always about him, she never stopped to work on herself. Then she tells on herself, saying how if she was to truly put herself before him, then perhaps things… Find out what that is, inside this episode.
In this episode, Amy explains a bit more about what it looks like to be gaslighted. She shares how you simply don’t know, especially if the other person provides positive reinforcement that has you believe it will be okay. She gives us personal examples that explain what it looked like for her, what she went through, and how she persevered. At the time she was not aware of the psychological abuse or what gaslighting was. She also shares how her ex was masterful at it, which was why she remained in the relationship.
This episode has plenty of insights, but my personal takeaway was how she explains her situation. She looks at it from today's perspective and can see all the red flags, and she explains it in a manner very easy to learn from. This is a great episode to become related to what happens when you are with someone who is gaslighting you or being emotionally abusive. It informs you of what it looks like from the perspective of someone who was abused, has identified it, and is now thriving.
In this episode, l take a moment to look at shaming from a different perspective. I look at it from all the conversations that have taken place since the divorce. The commonalities we all share and the resemblances, of which, shaming is one of them. I shared how it affected me once my divorce was known. The price I had to pay emotionally when I found out, and how I managed it after I was aware of it. The thing about shaming is that more often than not, we don't know it exists. Then when we find out, we blame ourselves, or others for not knowing, which is silly.
I hope this episode brings you closer to understanding that shaming has a pattern, and that when you know what that pattern is, you can have a voice as to whether it will affect you, or infect you.
In this episode Amy speaks about what it was like to be pregnant, and how the toxicity of the relationship affected her breast feeding, as well as overall health. How things didn’t change with him as a result of her pregnancy, they actually became worse. His sense of entitlement grew. Creating more fear on her part, which began for her daily upon waking up.
She goes on to explain what she did to try to make it work by visiting a psychologist, but after the third session, he stormed out after trying to prove that he had no issues. This was when she was told for the first time that she was in a domestic abuse relationship. Imagine a world where you have to be told you are in an abusive relationship. This was Amy's world.
This episode is gut wrenching. I, personally, cannot imagine a world where what Amy describes could be considered everyday living conditions, but for Amy, it was. Listen to what happened, and what she did to overcome such an obstacle.
Say hello to Amy Hill, a native Australian. A mother of two, an author, a speaker, a wife, and an empowerment coach. I learned about Amy through her instagram @TheFreedomMentor where she was speaking about gas lighting. Shining an important light on the the darkness that gas lighting is. She was exposing what it looks like, and how we can do something about it. Supplying tools for the masses based on her experience, and asking for nothing in return but your attention.
I must admit that I was curious to learn more about gas lighting from her perspective, but I was not ready for this conversation. Especially when it started with I experienced 10 years of domestic violence.
The beauty about these divorce conversations with individuals like Amy, is that you can never look at someone and consider that you know their story. As Amy continued to speak, one sentence was more drastic than the other. I listened to a woman share her story with a complete stranger on a global platform about the struggles of her past, from a continent on the other side of the world. Sharing her story with such vulnerability, such truth and openness, and her reason for doing so was that someone might find strength from it, nothing more.
My belief is that the deeper we dive into healing, the more that is uncovered to heal, but in this interview with Amy. I learned that no matter how bad it was, is, or is getting. It is when we decide to alter reality, that we begin to heal. So, wherever you are, that has you here today, reading these words. I invite you to listen to Amy’s story and allow her to share and contribute to you about what gas lighting is, amongst the other parts of her incredible story. Allow how she healed herself, and turned her situation around, to be heard by you. The entire conversation is filled with gold, but like all gold, it must be mined to be discovered.
In this episode I share about how I felt I was not good enough, and what I did to acknowledge it. I even go on a bit of a rant towards the end, not a big one, but enough to notice that the topic had an affect on me. Like so many of us when we are lost, not feeling good enough played with me. For a short while it made me believe things that only existed in my head, created by me, but felt as if it was real and others were able to see it.
When listening to this episode my hope is that you learn what it is that causes you to feel this, and that it becomes real enough for you to identify it. In doing so, I believe it helped me in not succumbing to the effects of it.
It was acknowledging it that gave me power over my thoughts and assisted in dismantling this awful mis interpretation that happened more frequent than I care to admit in the first months. We are all good enough, even at our lowest we are always good enough. I hope my story helps you to distinguish, create, and notice if you ever fall victim to it.
We have reached our last episode with Tracy, and in doing so she leaves us with an important message. Nothing is impossible. It may seem like it is, but there is no worse case scenario you can’t overcome. She even goes on to give you insight into self worth, from her perspective of course, and then supplies you with supporting evidence of how it worked. I could write so much more about what you could get from this last episode, but I believe it should be heard, rather than written.
So, I invite you to listen to all of Tracy’s episodes, starting from the beginning. Allow yourself the time to hear what she had to create to turn her situation around, and listen to who she is today as a result of who she had to be in her yesterday.
Who we have the opportunity to become inside our darkest hours is the greatest gift you and I have when someone like Tracy shares her triumph over the past. I hope you find her conversation and insights as rewarding as I did.
Till next time, thank you for listening!
In this episode you will hear Tracy speak about how she is an optimistic person. How she tends to see the funny side of every situation, and how she made excuses for him. How she overlooked things, and adapted to what she didn’t want from her life. It is there that she will begin to talk about her new life, the new her. She will share how her weakness is what kept him there, then once she knew who she was, it didn’t matter to her whether he stayed or went.
This episode will provide you an understanding of what it takes to step into a new life. While exposing the heartbreak of realizing that the person she deemed worthy was not interested in knowing why she was unhappy. It will reveal what being selfish is, or isn’t, and give you strength and standards on how she chose to be treated.
Tracy will tell you her truth. She will admit to something we all have troubles facing. What I refer to is near the end of the episode. Like all realizations, it is subtle, it’s quick, and it’s simple. The biggest lesson anyone can hope to have in their tool chest, in my opinion, completes this episode.
In this episode I speak about dating, and dating apps. What it is like to participate when you are not a stud muffin, just an ordinary guy, a strong six in my mind. I only say that because I hear stories from my lady friends, and it seems the nice guys finish last statement rings true when you are too nice and not good looking. Dating in today's age requires good looks for good responses, for the most part.
The amount of thinking that goes into building a profile, the results, and the consistent growing that happens with or without your desire for it. Well, it takes time to get to when you are below a solid seven. So much has changed around getting to the actual date, which is why I decided to speak up about it. I have started my process into the dating world, so I hope to vomit my thoughts onto you, the listener, in hopes that you can evade my pitfalls.
I will say this about the process. When you do get to be on a date, or have a conversation that you can go home with, and feel good about. It makes the learning curve all worth it. Regardless of whether you have sparks with the person. Just being with another human is a major contribution to you once you begin dating after divorce. So, if you can. Go out on dates, talk to people and enjoy their company. Learn who they are, and who they do not want to be, and do it without placing them in a box.
Don't limit yourself, or miss out on getting to know someone because you are checking boxes for a story you probably adopted from somewhere that is not based on reality. Also, don't catphish, that is just wrong.
In this episode with Tracy, she digs deeper within her story to learn that what it was really about was having a relationship with herself. She explores how much is invested into the actual partnership of being married, without us being complete first. She distinguishes how her parents' relationship was something she had wished to model, but the main ingredients for that recipe were not there inside her marriage. How could they be, the clues were all there that they would not be from the beginning.
Tracy also shares what it was like when she separated, how it made her nervous. She talks about the expectations that propelled her into her marriage, and the stigma of not having a partner by a certain age. She also talks about the decision process, and how she was not ready to make it, but the influence had a strong enough presence for her to say yes.
In this episode Tracy begins with sharing how she had no idea how to get through it. The steps to move forward, or how to handle a divorce were not something she had access to. So, she did what she knew she could do. Things like seeing a therapist and working through what she could. Although she wasn’t completely convinced that it was working, that led her to seeking a second therapist who would then introduce her to meditation and guide her along that path. It is taking the steps forward toward understanding that kept revealing the process for her.
As she reflects inside our conversation about what it was like during that time, she reveals how some of her friends had been through a divorce, yet she had never talked about it with them. How having that available to her was a big piece of her healing. It would become another stepping stone towards allowing her to accept help from other people.
One of the things that was present for me inside this episode you is how when you listen to yourself, and then share what is inside. You begin to take steps towards healing with a greater velocity. You begin to uncover the muck of what you were, as you start to create the you that you really want to become. Healing takes many shapes and forms, as the many conversations within this podcast has revealed to me, but the common denominator amongst all of us who have endured a divorce is speaking up, and seeking ways to express ourselves.
In marriage, we assume this imaginary role of what is expected of us, or of the relationship. And oftentimes, you can hear in the stories how important it is when someone finds themselves again. As you will in Tracy's story. They all begin with that one step, and then, like the ball of yarn left near the curious kitten. It begins to unravel.
So, if you have a moment to just close your eyes and take in a breathe. I invite you to remember the times when you were happy, recall all the details. Who was there, what you were wearing, or when it was. Or you can think of the things that constrain you at the present time. What your mind may circling over and over again and causing you discomfort or weariness. Think of whatever it may be that weighs you down, or elevates you. Then create the next day, month, and year to be bigger than where you are at. To be brighter. Then share what it is that you want with three or more people. Paint the picture for them in detail of how it looks to have it. I promise you, having it become a reality will begin there.
In this wonderful episode I look at what it is that these two words represent. We begin with what webster defines them as, and then I share my two cents on what it represents to me. This episode does not approach the topic from a first six months perspective, but had I heard this within the first six months of my story, I believe I would have been further along in my process. Having distinguished what both these words represent to me being here today, and then having heard the episode you are about to hear before submitting it. I was able to notice the value these two words had prior to my divorce, and the value they have today.
I make an attempt to look at how my thoughts were created around the two, the influences, and the way it shaped me into today. I make an attempt to detail the effect it has had on my choices, as well as, my life. My hope is that it opens up a new thought process for you, as it did for me. Becoming aware of something so intrinsic has allowed me freedom around the choices i make today. I no longer have the weight, nor the significance around the two that once kept me from soaring or exploring beyond what I know or have known.
My personal takeaway from this episode is that I am, whatever I say, that I am. That I am happy because I honor who it is that I say, that I am. And it is within those choices that my sexuality, my sexual combinations, and the way I create my sexually charged process is a direct expression of who I am. And that it is different and the same each time.
So, when I look at the partners that life has placed on my menu, I am both grateful and appreciative. They have navigated to me to the person that I am today. A man who switches from sex and love, sometimes in the same thrust. And that whichever thrust is occuring, it is okay with me, so long as it is what I desire.
In this episode we travel deeper into what happened to get to the divorce. How Tracy began to understand, and what she did to get grounded, physically and mentally. She explains what it felt like to be confused and then gives us a clear picture of when she realized she was being emotionally abused, and how she refused to see it for what it was. She shares how because she was a functional person, she blocked those painful experiences from herself, at that time, so that she could continue to keep functioning with the day to day.
Some other points of value inside this episode is her ability to set boundaries for herself, and what she did with the realization that she had invested over a decade trying to make the relationship work. She shares how she lost a piece of herself in participating in that process. She also shares how things began to shift when she started to inquire how she was being nurtured inside the marriage. How becoming present to the notion that she was not being nourished gave her access to a different way of managing the relationship.
All this and more are just a click away and waiting for you inside this episode.
Say hello to Tracy Poizner, Holistic Practitioner, Certified Life Coach, Podcaster, Writer, and so much more, as you will soon discover over the next few weeks. Overall, she is an accomplished woman who at one point did not think divorce was an option. She wasn’t happy in her marriage, but no one around her was divorced, and divorce was not a readily available conversation. Her story brings up some important things to consider when it comes to traditional views, and being informed.
Tracy had to discover how to share that she was unhappy, she had to learn how to ask for help. She had to create something that wasn’t there for her, from scratch, without the agreement that it was even possible. Also, not knowing what to do, or having any references to be guided by made her choice to begin the divorce process that much more unknown.
When you listen to her story, imagine a world where divorce is not in the language around you. It is not spoken of, nurtured, or understood. Then listen to her speak and share how it happened for her. Each sentence strengthens the one before it. Every choice supported by what she believed, and each lesson taken as an opportunity to grow from.
Tracy represents each woman, and man, that didn’t know how to navigate uncharted waters, but was left to captain their ship out of a storm. From her concerns of divorce, to telling her daughter for the first time, you can see the obstacles she faced and the calm in which she faced them. You can hear the tools she used to build her exit. Proving once again, that when we face the struggles in front of us, one at a time. We can endure almost anything.
I really invite you to consider that wherever you are in your process, like Tracy in hers, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Don’t resist what is provided for you in this life, embrace it. Manifest what you want, what you really want, and stand there. When you can dream of the life you want, the road begins to reveal itself, and then all there is to do is for you to step towards it.
In this episode I talk about how my story had me without sex for almost 2.5 years. I talk about why that happened, and why I chose to go so long without. I share what it is that had me be intimate with someone after such a long time, and what that looked like. I talk about fucking and making love, and what I find to be the difference between the two after going so long without the touch of a woman.
I would like to believe that I was not ready to be with someone during that time, but the truth is that I was so scared of being rejected I didn't even try. I think that if someone had found me attractive, or wanted me in that way, I would not had been able to see it. I was walking with my head facing the ground while holding my heart in my hand. I never looked up long enough to entertain the idea that I was wanted. After my divorce, that part of me went silent, I guess.
I think the reason I even recorded this podcast is because it happened. Not only did it happen, but I am not ashamed, bothered, or have given it any destructive meaning. I never questioned why it wasn't there. It was just something that wasn't happening. Why I went this long without sex motivates me to shed another layer with you and record it within a weekend nugget.
As I reflect now, I recall wanting to be touched, to be wanted sexually. Yet, It wasn't till someone reached out and made the first move that I was even awake to the possibility. Awake to feeling sexy, appreciated and wanted.
In so many ways, this time away from being touched has given me access to something far greater than being held. I find myself not apologizing for what I want now, and being more transparent in sharing what I need. I find myself not thinking about someone else first, as I have for so many years. Which may sound selfish to some, and I am okay with that. Being first is so foreign to me that I embrace whatever judgement comes with it.
To be so present that I can place myself first, has been a gift. It has given me the confidence to know and share who I am. It has reminded me that if I am not happy, how could I make someone else happy.
So, wherever you are. I hope this episode reminds you of how important it is to embrace your process, however it reveals itself to you. To share your story to whomever will listen, and to always place yourself first before anyone else. You are that important.
In this last episode with Dawn Alyse, we talk about what she wants for herself, where she has set limits, and what she doesn’t want to be known for. From the time we began this conversation with Dawn till this very last episode, we learned so much about her, but nothing will prepare you for what she reveals at the end of episode 27.6.
As a listener, like you, I learned about Dawn. Her story, who she is, and most importantly who she wants to be. For the first time, like you, I heard about her ex, her business employees, and what it was like to acclimate into her very own skin after divorce. For the first time, I found myself listening to an episode more than once. Some of her episodes, I chose to listen to several times in order to better understand the severity of what I was privy to have heard. This episode is one of those. I couldn’t understand why someone would want to run away from family, a business, and the very thing she most desires.
Dawn discovers something for herself in this episode, and we are there as an audience to witness it. All of it. Her silence, her discovery, and the moment that the seed was planted. The seed of hope. As I watched it again and again, the moment became clearer and clearer. The moment when someone sees that something they thought was too far to reach becomes close enough to hold. The moment when we give up the story of “this is not possible” for the dream that “this is possible”.
We are there, front row, in the theater of what is Dawn's life. Watching the biggest breakthrough someone could have for themselves. Them choosing to face the fear. To move in a direction towards what they want, and not away from it.
But if you think you will understand what I am writing, or grasp all of it by just hearing this one episode. I want to invite you to consider, that, it is not possible. Like life, there are no shortcuts. So, go back and listen to the entire story, starting at 27.1. Know who this woman is, and what she went through, so you can understand why the very last minutes of this conversation are so profound.
We are all experiencing different versions of the same story in this life. Some choose to face them sooner than others, but those that face it, like Dawn, and share their victories, as well as, their defeats. They reveal doors. Those doors are the fears we could face. To move through them we must choose to open them, and most times that means we must endure things we much rather forget, or not stir up.
But, it is only when you have a choice, that you can choose. It is only when you become aware that something is missing, that you will search for it. So when you are ready, make your choice. Not a second sooner. I hope you enjoy Dawn's story, I did.
Wherever you are emotionally when you hear this episode, know that it is perfect. You are perfect. Know that you are not broken, and that nothing needs to be fixed. Take solace in knowing that other before you have managed, and that so will you.
BE Courageous.
BE Vulnerable.
It makes a difference.
In this episode we talk about some seriously unnerving things. Dawn creates what it was like to live with an abusive person. Not physically, how it started, but mentally. She talks about how it began with him stalking her, and her believing that he was just showing interest in her. She talks about what she did when learned she was pregnant, how she left the state for a month, and how he was at her front porch when she returned, uninvited.
One of the things I want you to be mindful of inside this episode, is that you will not hear her blame anyone other than herself when it comes down to the time lost and the choices made. You will hear how she questions why she stayed and what had her be with someone whom she knew was not good for her since day one.
Listen to how easy it is for her to live someone else's idea of what our happiness is. How the people around her, even her very own kids, were trained to treat her as if she was the one that is crazy.
Dawn is not crazy, nor is she emotional, but she was led to believe that she was. She was led to believe that it was her throughout the marriage that needed more. If this sounds familiar, then tune in to this episode. Dawn is a woman who is turning this abuse around and facing it head on. She is sharing her tools, as well as her insights with you, the audience, in hopes that you might not have to endure 22 years of something that under no circumstance is worth it. Not for the kids, not for your health, not for anything.
This episode is packed with useful material for someone dealing in an abusive relationship, or recovering from one. I am grateful that this story is being shared, that this man is being exposed, and that Dawn gets to voice the trauma that she has endured so that others can learn from it.
It takes a lot of courage to tell your very own story. It takes trust, vulnerability, and moving forward past your own mind to attain the freedom we seek, and deserve. The beauty of Dawn’s story, and so many like it, is that when it is told. The oppressors, the manipulators, and the gas lighters alike get diluted. They get a spotlight on them, as the victims rise up and reclaim their own stories.
When you find a way to amplify your story, it allows others to hear it, and to answer the call of support. When we echo stories like Dawn’s, her ex has to face greater numbers, as opposed to the one woman he has concentrated on for so long. It changes the rules of the game, and it changes the way Dawn and women like her survive and thrive.
In this episode, we are once again joined by Michele Traina as we discuss "How to be alone" during a divorce. The emotions that come up, the obstacles we encounter, and who we become in the process, as we learn new ways of being. Michele and I examine what it was like when we experienced it, and share some insights into what we did, and how we did it.
I remember thinking to myself before recording this episode how important it is to talk about topics like these, which happened to be inspired by Michele. She had suggested some topics to consider that could make a difference. When I finally became aware of what this topic could mean to someone, I had a brief moment. I, normally create what the points are to what is that is going to be said in a Weekend Nugget, but I leave it loose enough where it can be genuine to the moment. Yet, this time was different. We both freestyled, and allowed what was to come have a place to land, but nothing more.
We started with the statement, and then gave in to the process. Giving it the feeling that it was exactly what it needed to be. Becoming a solid piece of reference to anyone who may be going through, or just came out of this feeling no one really knows how to be guided through, which is being alone. I trust that the episode has many little gems inside it. Insights that may serve you in your understanding of what to expect, or be like during the alone process. But what I know you will get is the truth of what it was like for each of us.
Being alone, in whatever location you find yourself in, or with whomever may be near you, like a friend, or a relative. Is always going to be your process. Trusting yourself to be in the moment, and not deny what arises will be your biggest guide. Sometimes it takes reaching the bottom of something to know you can't travel any deeper. My hope is that you choose to turn around. Explore what it is, that has you feel like it is a bottom, learn from it, and love the process.
What does not break you, will make you stronger.
In this episode, Dawn examines her previous relationships to realize that there was nothing wrong with them now, they were part of being young, and falling out of love. Whereas, her most recent marriage was trifled with a lot of darkness. Her ex was not a good person from the start. As we continued our conversation, you can hear the trauma that still lives inside her, along with the fear of someone whom she once lived with.
From gas lighting to manipulation, Dawn shares her side of the story with a new conviction towards life. She examines why she stayed, and she wouldn't stay or advise others not to stay as a result of knowing what she now knows. She looks at how she drew her strength, and what the signs were for her. Sharing them with you so that you don't fall for the same mistakes. But, most importantly, she accepts responsibility for giving up her happiness, for handing it over. She doesn’t blame him for what he did, she is just not accepting it ever again!
In this episode we talk about Dawn’s business, her employees, and the value of meditation. We talk about some techniques that she has implemented into her life to create balance, and the trauma’s still present for her, like sleeping patterns, and her way of naturally being post divorce.
The gold in the episode is how she reveals the release of having the need to do everything.
If you feel like you can’t stop doing everything, this episode is a must listen to. Dawn does a great job of relaying what she does, and did, to overcome that feeling of doing everything for everyone. She also shares about how her relationship started with her ex, and how ugly it got, and still is. This episode opens up a new way of listening to Dawn, she reveals how much of her story is in ours. She peels back the layers of her life for you to observe and learn from. It does not get any more vulnerable than this.
In this week's episode we share the mic with Michele Traina (Episode 22) to talk about how to manage the first week of a divorce. We get into what that was like for us. We talk about what happened, what we did, and what we suggest is a good idea to do if you are in that situation. It was an absolute pleasure to have michele with us inside this conversation. It felt that this particular topic needed a female's perspective to really bring it home for all of us. I hope you enjoy listening to it, as much as we enjoyed creating it for you.
In this episode we learn about the beginning of a divorce and the effects of it. For Dawn, it was normal to share everywhere she was going, with everyone, all the time. Having the feeling that she needed permission to do things was the first thing that became apparent to her when the relationship was complete. She recalls how she had said to her kids that she was going somewhere, and that the kids were not interested in knowing. Not because they didn't care, but because they didn't need to know where she was at all times, like she thought they did. Mainly because that was how she operated with her ex.
Something that is especially important to Dawn, and she speaks about how it was devastating, is how when you are in a toxic relationship, your body takes on the weight from the negativity. She speaks about how she had frozen shoulders and couldn’t lift her arms amongst other physical issues that ceased to exist once she ended the relationship. Can you imagine how crazy that is. Your body takes on the physical attributes of your mental state.
All this and more inside this episode.
Say hello to Dawn Alyse, mother of three grown children, an entrepreneur, and recently divorced from a 22 year marriage. As you tune in to each episode, prepare yourself for what you are about to endure. Dawn has gone through some serious obstacles to get to where she is today. Currently in debt., in court, and in love with herself again. She tells us how one of the hardest things she had to deal with was the guilt of leaving her relationship. She also shared how she was going to leave, but then she got pregnant and stayed, and how that happened more than once. She explains how she was programmed to stay, to be tough, and to suppress her emotions.
This conversation dives deep into the soul of what being Dawn has been, and she allows us, the audience, to follow her on a guided tour of what she has had to overcome to get to where she is today. Brace yourself, you will hear things you cannot unhear.
In this episode I talk about something personal and what it means. I read you something I wrote and then reflect on how that makes me feel. I shed a layer of thoughts that I believe makes my situation transparent. As I listened to it prior to posting, I was thinking if I should release it, then moments later chose to do it. I chose to do it because being transparent is important to me. It's the line between being vulnerable or being boxed.
When I set out to do this and become a voice for this process, I invited people to be courageous, to be vulnerable, because it makes a difference. Each time I face a fear or am stifled by a limitation and then act on it, I am reminded that my fears, if left to drive me, would always send me in the wrong direction. I am still human and I more often than not am stifled, but not today, not today SATAN.
I cannot express to you how important it has been for me to speak out and up about what I see, what I observe, and what I find to be useful for those of us going through or healing from a divorce. Speaking has been my ultimate access to releasing the past and creating a future.
I invite you to consider that speaking up and out will do something for you. BE Courageous, BE Vulnerable. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE
In this last episode with Sadie I find myself talking more, which is rare for me. I normally listen and ask questions that relate with the conversation. Something happened over the course of our conversation where it just felt like we were old buddies shooting the shit together. That is a priceless experience. As an audience you should still expect to be contributed to, especially around journaling, observations, and the importance of investing in yourself.
We started off as strangers, learning and sharing about each other from opposite ends of the mic, and by the end, I felt like I knew her. I hope you are also left with that. I hope that you leave a little wiser and more prepared than when you first found us.
In this episode we look at what could have been done differently through Sadies eyes. What that looks like, and what it looked like for her. For instance, Sadie admits that she would’ve been braver and bolder, and less pleasing. Stating the importance of how ,if she had done that for herself back then, she would have had freedom much sooner. She advocates for others to find a way and do what you want to do. Reinforcing the value of you as a person, and giving you the recipe for how to create self worth in the process. But, most importantly, she shares how to not talk yourself out of your dreams.
In this episode I talk about our default saying of I'm sorry inside my context. What it made me feel, what I did, and what I would do differently knowing what I know today. I experienced an abundance of freedom when I spoke to people during my process when they shared those words with me. 9 out of 10 times whomever spoke with me understood why I wanted to transform that language most of us use as a default. It became yet another opportunity to shift what was not working for me, into what does.
As I recall those moments today, I remember feeling grounded and more rooted each time I engaged in these talks. They allowed me and others the space to look beyond the pain or the loss, and to be responsible for what is available. It was and still is some of my most treasured moments post divorce.
In this episode we look at the past and begin to see where it can be altered. Sadie and I just talked about what it looked like to live for someone else, as women have done for hundreds of years. We explore the root of how women were conditioned to take care of everyone else except themselves, and we both say FUCK THAT!
It’s 2021 and although it is nice and rewarding to be of service to others, we MUST be first when it comes to our own well being.
In this episode we start with Sadie distinguishing how she was conditioned from childhood to be fearful. To think that everything was going to go wrong. She explains how it carried over to her marriage, waiting for the next thing to go wrong. She talks about the ripple effect of that thought process and how it affected her health, and everything else.
She also gives you insights into how she changed that old way of being with specific details about her new patterns. The importance of who she surrounds herself with, and what she says to herself to encourage and empower a better result.
You can hear in Sadie’s story how she has been conscious of the work she is doing. A trait that is similar amongst most of us that have made divorce a positive in our lives.
That is something I wish to remind you of, which is that it takes work. Creating a new life, or a new path takes planning and attention. The more you apply yourself towards the things that you know work for you, the higher the chance that you will attain it. Nothing is easy, and you can hear it in Sadie’s story. She began to work on what helped her without forgetting what didn’t.
In this episode we begin with the perspective of how the divorce process can be ugly, but that in the end, it is worth it. The amount of beauty in getting to create that life that you love is powerful. Sadie tells us how she knows that she made mistakes along the way, choices that she would never make again. She doesn’t toss out the reality of what the experience is, but she does relish in what the experience can provide...If you allow it.
She acknowledges how she made herself the victim, and that she had a victim mentality where she never felt in control, feeling like she had no options. As she continued to speak inside the conversation, you can hear her unravel where that seed came from. How she had grown up, had a lot to do with that flow of her life.
Now, years later she reflects on the importance of retraining yourself through thought patterns. An example of that process applied is what she tells herself each morning to start the day, which is “I love you”. The daily practices that she has in place to keep her moving in her direction, and no one else’s. She shares these things because she is also responsible and aware that if she does not apply these things, her day doesn’t flow well.
This episode is a treasure chest of insights that if you can hear them within Sadie’s journey, they can make the day to day a little easier to be with. They can provide you tools that when applied have the ability to shift you from where you are, to where you want to be.
Say hello to Sadie Marie, a single mother of two kids, a boy (11) and a girl (9). She has been divorced for about 3 years, and she is also a business owner. In our conversation with Sadie, we begin with identifying when her first six months started and what that looked like and felt like for her. She calls it “the honeymoon stage.” Sadie explains how her home was the starting place for her new life and she gives us the story of how she found that new home after living out of a suitcase to avoid the old home.
We explore what it was like for her to date, her approach, and the significance she gave dating once divorce. She shares about her sexuality and how much she enjoys sex now after divorce, Calling it “liberating.” All this, and so much more is pact into this episode.
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In this episode Stacie and I dig deep into how we were bullied and our why. Our discovery of what happened, and what we did once we learned it was happening, and what we still do. How we prevent it. Standing up to bullies is not easy when you don't know what to do, but once you can speak up, you have a voice. With a voice you can move mountains.
If you don't know you're being a bully, ask yourself if you're wanting something of someone and making them wrong for not giving it to you. If you are being bullied, speak up and outward. A significant first step is sharing that it is happening.
If you are in an abusive relationship, whether physical, verbal, or mental, contact the proper authorities. Whomever they may be to the situation that you are in. Get in communication with someone and ask for help.
This entire conversation with Stacie has been a unique experience for me. It was unique in the sense of how much she spoke about her trials within the marriage, her victories, and how amazing her life is now that she has faced them. How she applied herself utilizing what she knew, and stopped using what wasn’t working for her. She made a choice to not hide or protect what was ugly in her life anymore. But, none of the above is what made it unique.
Why it was unique for me, had to do with being responsible for what she was saying. She was sharing her story, from her perspective, and without wishing anyone ill will. Yet, someone, who will remain anonymous, reached out to me, and in a very mild manner attempted to bully me within the context of my vetting process. Again, it was mild, but it was directed towards me and without any supportive information, without any accountability, and it made a very weak attempt to shame me. More importantly, it was an attempt using children as the carrot for the why. Having seen Stacie’s daughter on social media, and measuring the size of her bright smile, I decided that I was on the right side of this story.
I did not reply to this person. I did, however, go back to Stacie and ask once again if she was okay with her story being shared in the manner it was being shared. Sometimes facing a bully takes timing, especially if the bully doesn’t know they are bullying. So, I felt responsible to ask Stacie. At the end of this episode you can hear Stacie reply for yourself. It’s a great reply, but don’t take my word for it, you should decide for yourself.
When you have people in your life that demand or condemn you for speaking up, it can have a very heavy effect on your daily life. I say that because we all have a right to share what life looks like to us, what it feels like, and how we process it. The bully also has the same right to speak up and voice themselves. That is the beauty of freedom of speech. The heaviness comes when you stay silent, when you take it, when you don’t speak out, and when you think on behalf of other people. Big or small, skinny or fat, child or adult, there are always three sides to a story. Yours, thiers, and the truth. Ask yourself what it is about what they are saying that bothers you so much, ask yourself why are you so bothered by someone sharing their point of view.
As Stacie has shared in this series, her life was not easy from her perspective inside of the marriage, but she chose to move on, and as a result of that decision is living a life worthy of her and her daughter’s approval. She shares from her perspective.
You never know what the other side is going through, so don’t assume. When we believe that our way is the right way, we bully our intentions onto others. Give people the freedom to be who they are.
To those people who manipulate or cause drama over someone sharing their story, I say this. What is it about someone’s story that doesn’t have you switch the channel? You have a choice, choose. Maybe turn on a comedy and laugh at how complicated it is sometimes to be human. These are stories, told from the person’s point of view. If you are troubled that much by what someone has to say, go tell your story. If you are shy, write it.
If you are someone who knows Stacie but are forced to pick a side, as if divorce was a game and you have to wear the jersey of the team because you want to fit in. Trust what you feel. Speak up and reach out. You will be surprised what happens when you are empowered to have an opinion, when you are empowered to have feelings, and when you are empowered to be allowed...to think.
In this episode with Stacie, we begin with a statement that is quite powerful. “Give people the freedom to be who they are.” She said this right before she began to talk about how she chooses to spend her time and energy. How she chooses to be responsible, or how being responsible for herself is liberating. She talks about what she wants to do more of, and what that looks like. While also admitting to what she sucks at, and how that has humbled her. She was, in my perspective, balanced. Everything is wrapped around giving freedom to herself and the people around her. A tool everyone should keep in their tool chest, because with it, you can build a stronger foundation for yourself and others.
In this episode we explore what the word expectations means to us, specifically inside the context of divorce. We each share a an insight and talk about what we think is a tool to have when you are dealing with an expectation. But, mostly it's just my mom and having a regular conversation.
In this episode we begin with trusting that the kids you helped raise, his and hers, know who the players are and were. We touch on what taking the high road was like then, to what it is now. How she had to bite her tongue on the many occasions with his ex wife during their marriage and the strain it placed. At one point even her therapist at that time said how are you getting through this.
The times were tough for her, from sleeping on couches to bringing her daughter with her on trips. She did whatever she could to escape. Growing with each moment apart stronger and wiser.
Stacie talks about her biggest turning point arriving when she asked for help. Describing how she wished she had begun educating herself one month into the marriage, but instead kept her head down and continued working. Knowing now that her intuition was correct. You can see and feel the maturity that is present, but you never sense regret. She learned something in this process. She wears it like a badge of honor. Where most cover up the scars from others, Stacie embraces them and shares the stories openly, without fear.
This episode starts to unravel the time we commit to others knowing something isn’t right. It reveals how much a person can take before calling it and Stacie allows you to see her process and how she navigated it. The mistakes, as well as, the victories.
In this episode we explore the feeling of being independent and what it was like to let go of the other children you helped raise and who are now divided from you. We talk about what it’s like when the relationship has to end. Stacie even admits that the end was not what she wanted, but chose it when faced with having to choose. She admits to many things inside this episode, the most important, her granting space to the children she helped raise to have their own choice. She tells us how she respected the ripple effect she could cause them and the hurt behind it.
This episode presented a difficulty I have not encountered before in listening. Stacie was placed in a position where the children she still loves and cares for were no longer accessible to her without the possibility of repercussions, unspoken repercussions. I find it hard to accept that parents could deny children the opportunity to choose someone, only because the marriage didn’t work out. In my marriage, the greatest lost I endured was that of my step daughter, whom I still to date have never heard from and wish I could. But I did not give her life, so how could I ask that? I hear that in Stacie’s story, and I too respect the boundary placed before me, the unspoken boundary riddled with traps.
I do not know Stacie’s ex, nor his family, but I hope that if they hear this episode that they stay for the whole series. I hope that they hear the loss their children are experiencing by not having a woman, a mother, a friend like Stacie be part of their lives.
If you find that you are the barrier between your kids and someone who loves them, I implore you to consider that denying children love under the guise of a divorce is not a just way to protect them. In the end, if a relationship doesn’t work. Distinguish why it didn’t without punishing the ones around you could benefit from having a good person around them.
In this Nugget we have a special guest, really special, my MOM! In one of our deep conversations when she visited me out here in California this past Mother's Day. We talked about regrets off camera and what that looked like, how most people handle it and what there is to learn about it. Like tools used to build something, what are some of the tools we could use to understand regrets. She was cool enough to allow me to turn on the microphones so we could share what it is that we discovered. So, we did and what came about was a share about what the word meant to us, and how we dealt and deal with it.
One of the best things about this podcast has been seeing my mom be in the top 5 downloads for the podcast since it started. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing your mom being embraced by an audience. I love the fact that you the audience listen to her the most. So, here she is again. Mom.
In this episode we learn how Stacie decided to leave the marriage, where she went first, and how quickly she began to remember who she was and how important her happiness is. We hear what she has to say about what it was like when she finally decided to separate. The terror she had that something could happen and the pressure to make things work out. Most of all she talks about trying to be perfect and what that felt like.
This episode takes us to when she breaks free from the broken cycle and tastes the new life she leaped into with her daughter and what that felt like. She doesn't leave any details of what she encountered out, you really get a sense of what it was like for her.
If you are about to contemplate leaving and haven’t yet heard a story that will cause you, this is the one. Stacie shares her story in an elegant and peaceful way. A way any and all of us could learn from.
In this episode we continue where we left off and dig a little deeper into the details of what trying to help looks like. It seemed that the more she tried, the more pissed off he would get. The shock value behind knowing that your significant other is hiding something and the frustration of seeing your time being subtracted.
After he stopped touching her, she knew they were heading towards a bad place. In March she was aware that things were getting bad, by June she and her daughter had moved out. Stacie shares what she did during that time. From talking with her daughter more frequently to being more mad, than sad, at the situation. Wait till the end of the interview when she tells you about the time she learned...
In this episode I look at the level of attention that I give to being conscious of this question. When we begin to look at what makes us happy and the moments when we were happy. We look at the elements that are present and see what we have around us, the atmosphere, and who we are in those moments. With this observation of the past we can look at how we want to design the future ahead of us.
Stacie Wimer is a single mother with a teenage daughter who lived with her ex for eight years before realizing he was addicted to alcohol. In this episode we learn about what she finds important in life and what reality looked like for a while. How they met and what the glue was that kept them together. The complications and the burden it was until she gave the ultimatum. What you are about to listen to is the journey of woman trying to do the right thing, and the price we pay for not listening to ourselves. She did not hide from her truth for one second, but it took a second to get there.
What I learned in this episode and the episodes to come is how much we give to others without being mindful of what we need. Stacie shares her life without filters for us to take a glance and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. Her interview is completely unedited and it reveals the truth behind her closed doors. From the stigma associated with telling the truth to how quickly the loyalty was divided when families had to choose sides. I hope you find strength in her story. As an audience, I hope you hear what I did, which is the cost we pay for wanting it to work out, time.
In this episode we look at what asking for help looks like and what the benefits are. We explore a situation where I was experiencing the need for something, didn't know what it was, and soon discovered that asking for help would provide me knowledge on what I was asking about and so much more.
Help is my new favorite word. It builds community and allows others to contribute. It is an inclusive word that when spoken alters and shifts reality into one of group, and not individualtiy.
In our last episode with Dr. Banks we begin to wrap up the conversation and ask for her thoughts on what she would do differently knowing what she knows now. Who was hurt more? Who knew when it was over, and who deserves to find happiness? We look at what she would’ve begun earlier in the process and look back to see if things could’ve been different if another approach was possible. Overall, Dr. Banks walks us through a sincere reflection of where she was and where she is now.
In every interview I learn something new about our guests, like you, I am most times learning about them just like you for the first time. 90% of the interviews I do not know my guests at the beginning, but by the end I know that they will always be in my life. This podcast has been the biggest gift I have ever received. Allowing you and I the opportunity to listen, as we just did, to stories that speak to what we endure and the mindset of who we once were that overcame such a drastic time.
What a privilege it is and continues to be.
In this episode we begin with a request to find someone to be curious about and then complete with being responsible for leaving the marriage. We examine the importance of finding someone who is as curious about you as you are of them. The benefits of that and the obvious observation that if you need to question it, then you are questioning it. According to Dr. Banks, relationships rely on more than just good looks. It takes something to be a match. Learn what makes you a match for the good Doctor.
All this and more inside this bite sized episode of insightful tools to consider while navigating the first six months of your divorce.
In this episode I pick up the mic and say what is there for me. No reason, no theme, just words from the heart. I talk about what it is like to speak into an empty space without feedback. Knowing that the information is quality, but scared of showing my face. I ask you, the audience, to say something to me so that I know that I am not alone.
We begin this episode where we left off. Dr. Banks was learning from her ex that he was going to be married again. She expresses her concern about it, not about him getting remarried, but about her wanting to meet this new woman who is going to be in her child’s life.
I’ll let you hear how she tells her ex, but if you are like me, it will make you laugh. Dr. Banks brings up a valid point in this episode. It’s important to meet the other persons new spouse to be, they are going to be part of the parenting experience. After we discussed the new marriage and what that looked like, we went into a few other topics.
The subjects varied from shaming around drinking wine in front of her daughter and being shamed for it, to wanting a man that is curious about her. It’s a really funny and insightful episode, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
In this episode Dr. Banks explains how divorce is a grieving process. You grieve and then you forgive. She talks about acceptance and how that looks post divorce. She shares about what it was like to deal with the dating apps, as well as, the expectations of when she would be in a relationship again.
We talk about wanting the other person to be happy, about acceptance, and accepting the situation. All the things she learned and created in her process. And then she shares about how she learned her ex was getting married. All this and more in this bite sized flavorful episode.
In this episode we explore the benefits of being active from the perspective of mind, body, and soul. I talk about thinking and thoughts. How they affect you and what you are creating. What happens when you are not active and what happens when you are active. The importance of activity and the ripple effect of what happens when you are intentional about it. Stay tuned till the end, where I explain how to transition what you learned into actionable results by learning how to manage it.
In this episode Dr. Banks really lets loose and speaks about her daughter and how she reacted to the divorce. There is a great story between her and her daughter. Dr. Banks shares that it took place in the kitchen, where they cried, and then both agreed. I will not reveal more because it is worth finding it yourself, instead of me telling you. I will say this, she also expresses how valuable her therapist was and the many things they had in common.
Allowing the bond between therapist all the more related. Making the therapy that much more effective. She also shared that she is still in communication with her therapist, even through Covid.
Dr. Banks lets you into her world and you smell the air and taste the ingredients she used to understand and make work all the obstacles that didn't, as well as, what it was like in those first six months.
In this episode we learn details about the moment Dr. Banks tells her ex that she is done. What she was doing to plan the exit and how she finally chose to tell him. We talk about the biggest take away and what it was for her. What it was like to be a person of faith, black, and in a community where the concept of divorce is that you do not get divorced. All this and more are inside this episode, so press play and stay tuned.
In this episode we explore what it looks like to be hard on yourself, what it looks like and some examples from my own personal life. What happened to me and how I handled it successfully. Looking at it from the perspective of what to do, how to stop it, or at least understand it.
Welcome the episode 24 series with Dr. Kay Banks. A college professor and mother who before she got on the plane to go to Italy, thought her life was over. Eight years of marriage with little to no arguments, her then husband just put her suitcases on the curb. Dr. Banks talks about the process of when it happened, the thoughts behind the decisions, and what she did when she got back from Italy. The apps, Netflix, and the reading that kept her busy. She also talks about what was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Her story is so unique, and yet it is so familiar . She is a scholastically accomplished woman, she has accolades and acknowledgements with achievements and ambitions to last a few lifetimes. Nothing is not in the realm of unattainable for her, yet there she was. Breaking down. With only her humanity and the ability to guide her out of the coma that is divorce, she did it.
There is so much in this series that speaks to the process and building that you really do not want to miss out on listening to Dr. Kay Banks and her story.
In this episode we complete our interview with Philip. He shares his last few insights before we play a game with words and say goodbye till next time. He has an amazing reflection on how when we get older and as we look back we have memories. He then asks what memories do you want to create right now.
He reflects on how their is not a lot of men speaking about their feelings and how what he has heard out in the world by others speaking on the topic is not empowering, it’s almost toxic. He gives an example of what he has heard and how his interpretation is that men are speaking about women as if they only wanted to screw men over. He also mentions how hard it will be to find a woman if you are already thinking that every woman is going to screw you over.
Philip has shared with us a different perspective over the course of his interview. He shared from an honest place and one close to home, himself. He gave us his story, what he did, and what he is doing now.
What I take away from this particular story is that no matter how bad we think we have it, it is our thinking that gives us that perspective. So, as you continue to go through what you are going through, in whatever stage you may be in. Remember, you are the source of what will happen when it comes to your perspective. So...Create what you want and be mindful of what you react to.
In this episode we explore the emotional stages from my perspective. What they meant, how they showed up, and what I did to face them. The stages, each unique, and all of them a phase of the divorce process represent a different obstacle inside the divorce. Looking back at them now and analyzing, great insight can be gained in what to expect and how to prepare for it.
In this episode we start off with addressing how men do not talk about their feelings. How we do not address that side of the healing process with each other and how we could really learn from women in that area. We look at the importance of thoughts and how they translate into actions, how we can be responsible for what we think and ways to be more intentional about what we think.
This episode shares valuable insights into thinking and the actionable results it creates in the physical world. It gives you a Philip that reveals his tools, how he used them, and what he created out of being intentional with what he has learned. Grab your pen and paper and turn off all distractions, you are going to want to absorb what is being said in this episode.
In this episode we talk about opportunity, perspective, and the past. We talk about being conscious and what that looks like. Philip also shares an exercise he does with his alarm clock to keep him grounded throughout the day. It’s the little insights that are shared with us that give us a chance to do something different.
This episode gives you a lot of little nuggets to look at and examine. It provides us with Philip’s way of handling things in a way where we can also adopt it if we choose to.
In this episode we explore the rules of divorce and creating a context of game around it. From the initial moment you know it is over to the final judgement I share some examples of what happened to me, how I reacted and what was created. In this conversation you can expect to see things from a different perspective, hopefully one that allows you to have more play and freedom around the inevitable.
In this episode, Philip shares a powerful insight that stemmed from a comment his mom had made to him. She told him that every woman he had ever loved had left him. This was a very important moment for Philip, he distinguished that it wasn’t all of them that had left him, something was going on with him. When he started to look at the why, he began to realize that he had more going on inside him that he knew. He began to do the work that you need to do in growth and development to have the ability to see. He started to be responsible for what he was doing, instead of placing the blame somewhere else. As a result, he began to create responsibly.
The episode has a lot more moments like this. Looking at pain and what that was like. How pain forces us to change.
In this episode we start to understand what it felt like for Philip to be alone within the first hour of not being with his daughter. The cold empty apartment and what he did in his sadness to cope. What his experience was like dating five girls at the same time and how he finally arrived at doing things for himself.
This episode starts with losing everything and ends with him realizing that things have meaning because he gives it meaning. Philip is a man who is not scared of being vulnerable, he lets you see the real side of him without trying to impress or be something he is not. His story is filled with beautiful insights into how he has chosen to provide the best situations for his daughter and himself, so that they can both be proud of the people they are. Listen to the episode and hear it for yourself.
In this episode we look into who we are. What makes us, us. What makes us strong. What are the boundaries that limit us and when was the last time you felt awesome. We explore what that looks like and what causes it. I like looking at these times in our life because it reveals that it is possible to be awesome, especially when we remember the last time it happened. I also share a personal story of how this distinction made a difference for me in my life. How it was applied during my first six months.
Say hello to Philip Turner, a single dad who sacrificed what he wanted so that his daughter could have more. Faced with the reality that he worked so much and was not able to be home when it counted. He agreed with his ex about moving with his daughter to another state where they knew would be supported instead of fighting to keep her near and not see her. He admits to not knowing what to do but wanting to create the best situation for his daughter, even if it meant her being 700 miles away.
At the time he questioned himself and whether or not he made a mistake. His commitment to his daughter and not wanting her to see mommy and daddy feeling negatively about each other was all he had. That and the vision of her growing up knowing that mom and dad are on the same team, that mom and dad were on her team.
This story is interesting and it has lots where we can learn from. It shows how when you are committed to the child, how it can work. Listen to the episode and find out what happened during a certain holiday with Philip, the ex, the new boyfriend, and a sleepover...
In our last episode with Michele we look to the future and ask for advice. Today’s Michele talks to the Michele from yesterday and shares what to look out for, how to be grateful, and where to find beauty. This is a bonus episode. Sometimes you end up talking more than you agreed to because that is what happens, so enjoy!
Thank you again for tuning in, downloading, and anything else you have done that has shared your time with me. If you like what you heard and want me to continue, please like and subscribe on my website www.divorcethefirstsix.com or follow me on all the social medias, which are a lot.
If you don’t follow me, please create an app that puts all the social medias in one location, that is your homework.
Overall, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for supporting all of us, yourself, and those that you will.
In the spirit of supporting, check out Michele’s world in the links below and support her. She is a single mom with a dream and we should all support single moms everywhere, and single dad’s.
You can find more of Michele in the links below.
https://www.facebook.com/divorcediaries2/
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/divorce-diaries#/
https://micheletraina.com/divorce-diaries-show/
https://Divorcediariesshow.comc
https://www.instagram.com/divorcediariesshow/?hl=en
In this episode I talk about writing a letter. I share what I did, where I was mentally, and emotionally. Something about the process of doing the simple act is refreshing and rewarding at the same time. I happened to be on a camping trip with my when I discovered this and it was an amazing experience to share with moms. Who if you haven't heard her amazing story, she is episode 1 of my podcast.
In this episode we ride shotgun through Michele’s relationship with a married man as she discusses her guilt, his wife, and the connection she shared with him that she wanted to keep. She tells you flat out what happened, no hiding, no dancing around the facts. She gives you front row seating to what it was like to be her in that moment of her life.
Then in a subtle moment she distinguishes the reasons for her want. The thing that she desires so badly that she is willing to accept what goes against her. She shares the importance of not screwing up your mentality. Having empathy towards other people and how she now dedicates herself fully to Divorce Diaries and herself as a brand.
Learn more about Michele in the links below.
https://www.facebook.com/divorcediaries2/
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/divorce-diaries#/
https://micheletraina.com/divorce-diaries-show/
https://www.instagram.com/divorcediariesshow/?hl=en
In this episode Michele settles in and starts telling the truth about what really happened in her dating life. The men, the lies, and her comfort zone. She talks about how she thought she wanted to be a principal and a comedian at the same time. How that worked out and where she is today as a result of that decision.
She talks about her concerns with men, condoms and the pitfall of falling for a man who was married and lying to her. This episode is fire! Michele tells it like it is and does not apologize for it. And why should she? She is a grown woman, and like a man has needs.
She talks about having a connection and how it was nothing she had ever had before. She shares about how much fun it was and how alive and real she felt. She shares her story with such rawness, that you feel like you are in a coffee shop, the pandemic doesn't exist, and it's just you talking to your friend who you have known since grade school.
Fun fact: Since the airing of this episode Michele and I have become friends, and as I am listening to this interview again, I understand why. I love the fact that she is so self expressed inside all the concerns that come up with being a single mom living in Jersey. I hope you find her as beautiful as I do. She is an amazing mother who is funny and serious and everything in between and I am grateful to now call her friend.
In this episode I talk about creating vs. reacting. We start with a definition and end with some examples of what it means to me and how I applied it within my divorce. Sometimes sharing what you have been through gives a better context. I hope my story gives you a better perspective.
I would encourage you to listen to this episode as if you were in the future, not the present, and especially not the past. Wherever you may be in the process, if you consider creating where you want it to be instead of where you are, this episode will speak to you.
In this episode Michele talks about what it was like to be suppressed for such a long time. The sentence that finally ended the marriage and how she turned her divorce into an expression in performance. She talks about what it was like to go out and socialize and what she did so that she could have that without the expenses of doing it.
The beauty of Michele and where she makes such a huge contribution is her ability to make the best out of what she has. As you listen to her speak about her life you can’t help but imagine how amazing she is, but to her it is just another day. It is absolutely refreshing to hear stories where you remember your value and what makes you happy, then go for it.
We, as people, are sometimes so removed from how amazing we are that we keep building and building without sitting back and just marveling at how much we have done. Listening to Michele share her life as a single parent leaves me no room to say I can’t have that, or I don’t have enough time. She is making her life happen and she is doing it with love and laughter. The best fuel for anything amazing.
In this episode we talk about what it was like to be in the marriage, and then dating during the separation. The details of being with another man intimately, as well as, the expectations of what it was and what she thought it would be. Michele talks about how she was still in her 30’s and buttoning up. It takes a certain type of guy to be comfortable with her wearing skimpy outfits and being a performer and that is who she is and what she needs.
As the interview progressed we got really into it and she expressed her thoughts on the choices she’s made with men and her experience or inexperience with intimacy. How she took a couple years off because her daughter was still a baby and she was also nursing and her body was going through changes. She talks about how lonely that time was for her.
This episode has a lot of laughter in it, but it mostly holds the space for what happens to a normal person, living in Jersey, who has a child, a divorce, and is trying to make sense of it all.
In this episode I talk about the importance of knowing your triggers. How to identify, distinguish and educate yourself on what they are and how they work. I also give you some examples of my triggers when I was going through my divorce and what I did to work through them.
The important thing to know is that dealing with triggers is a skill. It's like a muscle. The more you train it, the more it grows. This episode is the exercise to begin your training. Remember, wherever you are today, it's perfect. Allow yourself to be here without making anything wrong.
Say hello to Michele Traina, a mom, a comedian, a writer, a dancer, and an overall powerhouse of a woman that has an abundance of energy and a newfound passion. She describes her first six months like a relief. Starting with the moment she was sure that it was over to sensing it wasn’t going to work before her daughter was born. Her story divorce story begins with a bad lawyer, her daughter getting evaluated, and moving back into her parents house.
Get ready to be driven through a Jersey style divorce with Michele. This episode is going to be a rollercoaster ride and you are sitting in the very front row.
In this last episode with Matt, we discuss how he is the only one in his family to have been divorced and how that has been for him. He shares some insights on the difference of being a father when he was married to now being divorced. How doing things with his children these days has him being the dad he wanted to be from the beginning. The rewards of giving them everything he's wanted for them and also getting to live the dad role.
He talks about the final stretch of the divorce and the things that affected him, what hurt him, the growing pains, and the difference between the man he was to the man that he now is. This is a great episode and it’s filled with many stories that most of us can relate to. This is the story of a man trying to be a dad and the price he had to pay literally and emotionally to get here.
If you want to learn more about Matt or follow his blog, you can find him at the sites just below.
Instagram: divorced_dad_dude
Blog: https://www.divorceddaddudes.com/blog
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a different format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. I will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what I did in my story.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared and packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. The WEEKEND NUGGET is the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce.
In this episode we learn about what Matt lost with relationships. The reasons he stayed for as long as he did and what he had to do to repair the relationships that were affected by his marriage. He shares about his experience about getting divorced and takes responsibility for not saying it sooner and also not saying it.
He talks about the therapy sessions, what he observed and what he needed to be for himself. The process was not something he was familiar with but you begin to get a sense of how he navigated himself out of it. When you listen to this episode give yourself the permission to see it from his perspective. He was learning what to do within each step. The more he honored himself, the clearer the path became.
In this episode Matt talks about why he hates how long it took to find himself. What it was like to be in a relationship that didn’t feel collaborative and what happens when you swallow your pride long enough. He describes the moment he decided he wasn’t happy and why he chose to get married in the first place, which begins with the worst proposal of all time, according to him.
This episode speaks to why we get married. The pitfalls of looking around you and assuming you should be the same. It shines a bright light on the cost you pay for not listening to the smartest skill you have. Intuition.
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a different format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. I will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what I did in my story.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared and packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. The WEEKEND NUGGET is the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce.
In this episode we travel with Matt into his therapy sessions, the moment when he decided the marriage wasn’t worth it, and the reasons that he had for staying as long as he did. He talks about the changes that happened, how covid has changed the landscape with his own mother babysitting and the new commitment for his kids.
At the end of the episode, he gives credit to his ex for something. You really want to find out what that is. All this and more in this episode.
Say hello to Matt Kostel, the kid from Queens that moved to Brooklyn shares his story of what happened and the harsh realities of getting a divorce, his process and how he created pure gold. He begins by sharing that his first six months were some of his most honest moments and ends with how he thought having kids would make it better.
He talks about how he sat on his hands and swallowed his pride, and then takes responsibility for how he got there. Sharing about the ripple effect of how things filtered through him onto others and how he was trying to be somebody for somebody else. Matt’s interview is a great representation of what it looks like when you stay with someone knowing you have not been happy, then something happens and you choose you again.
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a new format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. I will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what I did in my story.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared and packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. The WEEKEND NUGGET is the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce.
In this episode Chris speaks the truth and uncovers some of the things he did that felt horrible when he did them. He shares how he went from being destructive to understanding with the ex, the step dad and himself. I could write more, but the simple truth about divorce is what this episode is all about. Get help. Don't do it alone.
Listen to this episode and share it. This is the episode where you really see and hear a man who has endured some @#$% share about his journey and how he is a better man for how he handled it.
In this episode we talk about kids, life lessons, and experience. Chris talks about therapy and the work he had to do to get to where he is today. Being a man meant letting go of the little boy and admitting where he didn’t know what to do. In the conversation he mentions how “your feet have to take you to the solution” and I believe this episode is just that. It’s the feet that take you to his solutions.
Listen till the end, he gets really exposed and says some things you shouldn’t say, but after hearing it, you know it was the right thing to share. This episode is not for the weak or broken. No pity parties, just a whole man willing to do anything it takes to make it right for his kids. Even if it meant being...
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a new format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. Hopefully, if it succeeds, we will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what we did in our stories. A one on one recap of what happened, what we did, and what we would do differently inside a specific topic.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared so generously in hope of packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be more equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. Let's hope the WEEKEND NUGGET becomes the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce and has not clue about what is going to happen.
In this episode we open with an aggressive threat and end with a loving support. Chris really cements the importance of having actionable tools as opposed to thoughts or good spirits. He talks about how he grew up and how that influences how he parents. He mentions the value in being of service and how he creates that for himself and practices it in his philosophy.
He talks about his ex and her new man and what that was like. How the idea of what he thought to do and what he actually did, which was to admit that he didn’t know what he was doing made the biggest difference. This episode is packed with lots of insights into how he managed some very difficult times and got through them.
If you are someone who has it dark and are not sure you will get out of it, this episode provides light at the end of the tunnel and gives you tools to build with. Let someone else's journey navigate when you have no direction or the strength to drive.
In this episode we talk about tools. What Chris had and didn’t have available to him and we he could do to navigate himself away from being a victim of the drama. He talks about what acceptance is like and how investing in himself gave him strength. How details how he shaped it and in that process it provided him a loving perspective, which gave the day to day an easier way of living .
It was noticing how powerless he was, putting one foot in front of the other, and praying for his ex to have great things that would lead him towards a solid foundation to stand on. It was then, as a result of that stance where his road began to get better.
In the end of the episode he shares about his little girl growing up and how that freaks him out, but he is aware that he can’t just say "no boys till your thirty"...
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a new format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. Hopefully, if it succeeds, we will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what we did in our stories. A one on one recap of what happened, what we did, and what we would do differently inside a specific topic.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared so generously in hope of packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be more equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. Let's hope the WEEKEND NUGGET becomes the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce and has not clue about what is going to happen.
Say hello to Chris Northup, a father of two beautiful kids and a dual divorcee. As a friend and a colleague, Chris has represented leadership and laughter since I’ve known him. This is the first time we learn of his story and what he endured during the first marriage. I am both amazed and shocked.
He starts off almost immediately by admitting that he wore being a victim like a badge within his first six months. Told in a manner only a man who has accepted and taken account for his actions could. Then he talks about being in his underwear when he looked at the TV and watched his ex giving birth to another man’s baby, while the new father accepted the medal of honor. Funny and heartbreaking at the very same time and also the truth. i could not make this up.
His story has cheating, alcohol, a police chief with a new baby, not his, before you reach the end of the episode. It has all this is and more. Buckle up, Chris’s story has all the makings for a movie and this is the first time he shares it for all to hear.
As we reach the end of our time with Jenni, we touch on her foundation. How she embraced the small changes made so that she could love herself. The importance of how you behave in the good times and the bad and how those are the times that make you who you are. She expresses how grateful she is and how when things seemed like they were going wrong, it was the fastest way to get to the life she wanted.
She talks about the healing process and how it has been rewarding and beautiful for her. And she leaves us with a great insight. “You don’t have to suffer. Is it going to be painful, probably”.
The WEEKEND NUGGET is a new format to the conversation of Divorce: The First Six Months that will come out every Friday till it doesn't. Hopefully, if it succeeds, we will cover the details of what to expect from divorce while sharing another piece of what we did in our stories. A one on one recap of what happened, what we did, and what we would do differently inside a specific topic.
The goal is to source all the information our guests have shared so generously in hope of packaging it in a way that any human being can listen to an episode and be more equipped to handle life a bit better by the end of it. There is so much that happens inside a divorce, especially within the first six months. Let's hope the WEEKEND NUGGET becomes the cliffnotes for what to expect.
Divorce is not simple and it is certainly not predictable, but it does have a pattern. We are looking to uncover that pattern one topic at a time. The WEEKEND NUGGET is our stories, our struggles, our pain placed on a buffet like podcast for the person about to enter a divorce and has not clue about what is going to happen.
In this episode, Jenni details what it was like to overcome the experiences in her divorce that took place within herself. Where she drew inspiration from and how she sees society has shaped how we view struggle. She talks about how she couldn’t say no to anyone who showed interest in her and why. How she transformed that way of being and where she had to look to do it. She talks about the importance of having support and also of doing the work she had to do in order to get to her best SELF.
She shares with us a lot of the questions she asked herself at that time, which is why I find this episode to be a great starting point for anyone who is tired or done with feeling less than. Jenni builds a road in this episode that allows all of us to travel on, in whatever vehicle we may be riding in today. Enjoy!
In this episode we explore how it was never her intention of ending the marriage. What was important for the healing process to take hold and how she chose to not place herself in this kind of situation anymore. It’s about seeing a future worth living into and taking the steps, one at a time, to grow from the past that had you being less than the potential.
This conversation is so good that if you will want to listen to it many times over.
In this episode we discover how having an affair was the communication. It was how she told herself and him that she wasn’t happy. She details how if she had gone to that extent to communicate, imagine how big of a need there was to take care of herself. A need sometimes given less significance when guided to make something work. An illusion we often get advised on without the adviser knowing all the details.
Since then, Jenni has done a lot of work to heal and forgive herself, along with everyone else that was involved. Inside that time frame she has discovered the importance of what a relationship is and the value of listening to oneself. How being caught up in the morality of keeping the promise can become shadowed by the commitment. How getting a divorce isn’t sometimes an option. Even if it means being unhappy.
This episode reveals what happens when happiness is not a priority and the one friend who will tell you...
In this episode we meet Jenni Kephart, who has been divorced for 10 years and is a mother of a beautiful four year old boy. This interview was very special for me because of the content we speak of and who Jenni is. When I learned that she had cheated on her then husband a nerve was struck on my side and it wasn’t till the end of episode 19.1 that I realized why. I had never spoken with someone or understood what someone who cheats goes through. I only knew how to blame them for doing it.
Jenni shares how telling on herself about infidelity was her way of playing out a pattern. She explains how she did not think that the relationship would be over. How she expected anger and other things, but not for it to be over. She explains how up until that point in her life she had always lived above the consequences.
She talks about her first six months and how the experience of divorce was also accompanied by the experience of sobriety. Early in the interview she expressed how the harder she tried to fix things, the worse it got. So she chose to stop drinking on the day she told him and hasn’t since.
I learned more than I was expecting with Jenni. At first I wanted to make her wrong for the things she did. Then, as I gave her a chance to tell her story I began to understand what we as people go through on both sides of a relationship.
This whole series with Jenni is extremely vulnerable and I am grateful to her that she allowed us to listen. Although she would disagree. I think she is very courageous and as an audience you are very fortunate to hear what is going to share.
In this final episode with Maria we summed up the secrets to her successful divorce process. The story of what it takes. It is the episode that brings everything together within her story and allows you to be complete about what she went through, how she got there and who she needed to be to have what she has. It’s the episode that tells you what happens when you stop asking the universe "why?".
Maria is a guest that I will always remember. My experience of listening to her gave me access to yet another layer of why this podcast and what is being said and heard is important. Listening to someone share their story and having it available serves everyone that may be going through or healing from a divorce. It is in the sharing that we release the hold on us. It is also in how we listen.
Till next time, thank you again for listening to us and remember to be vulnerable, it takes courage and it really does make a difference.
In this episode we learn the importance of asking for help and how Maria found her ability to ask. She speaks about what she had to do and become in order to have help become available. How time and circumstance shaped who she would become as a person.
She shares her story about being overweight and her then drinking problem. How having her head right was the only answer to her most visible problem, her weight. She shares about what the weight signified and how letting it go also gave her access to let go of other stuff that came along with it.
You will listen about the tools she applied to get herself to where she wanted to be. From apps to structure, she details what her journey looked like and how she navigated it with the help of several elements.
By the end of the episode, you can literally download what she used and begin to apply it for yourself.
In this episode we define how Maria went from rolex and yachts to not knowing how to set a goal. How being lonely is a choice and the point in the divorce where she just gave up and didn’t want the fight anymore. She explains how she was about to give it all away just to have peace. Then, on her 10th anniversary she walked into a lawyers office and learned that writing a letter to her husband would give her the ____________ she was searching for.
She explains how in that letter she learned how _________ no longer existed. The relationship was just something that was ending.
This episode gives you something different, something real and unexpected. It gives you her answers to what she was looking for when surrendering was the only option she had.
In this episode we learn that on Maria's 40th birthday, the marriage began to fall apart. After a life of being raised to want the three kids and the beautiful home, she was thinking that she had failed for not reaching that dream. She was convinced and had told herself repeatedly that she wanted those things. It was not until she went to the root of her problems, to the breaking point, that she really analyzed it and discovered everything she faulted came back to her. To her anger issues, her resentments. It was all her.
She tells how if she dated you, it was because she could manipulate you. She shares how she would hit you below the belt because she was aware that you would take it. A method she developed within relationships. Hearing her say this you would think that she was a bad person, but as she continues to speak you begin to see her humanity and how ingrained her idea of what she thought she should be was far removed from who she was.
In this episode you begin to understand how what is sometimes considered or viewed as ugly can slowly become the foundation for what is beautiful when you are honest with yourself, as well as others.
In this episode we meet Maria Suarez, who was married for 9 years and together for a total of 11 years before their divorce. When she moved cross country to try and disappear the problems of her then marriage. Reality soon set in as life continued to follow them from the East coast to the West. She says “the first six months for me I could explain it as I’ve never cried more in my entire life”. She explains how she came undone when her divorce was becoming final and what that felt like, and what she did during the beginning.
Maria talks about the elephant in the room about the first six months and what came immediately after, which was rock bottom. But, like most of us, when you hit rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up. She explains how without owning her participation in what happened, she was never going to be able to understand the why.
This story is a chance to get a glimpse of what happens when you think you can avoid the pain. You are confronted with the reality that avoiding only delays the future that is waiting for you. It reveals how the life we think is bad is only the groundwork for the good that is to come when you give yourself permission to heal and regroup.
In this last episode with Michael, he gives us the reasons he is in his current extraordinary relationship. He shares what he would do differently standing from today and looking back at what happened. How he would have paid attention to what was being said and the importance of keeping promises in existence.
The beauty of this conversation and guests like Michael is the ability to hear stories of perseverance and triumph over the past. Michael says something that buttoned up his entire conversation in just a few sentences. He said, “We are human beings, we are going to react. That is the design of us. The power lies inside of asking ourselves why are we reacting”.
And with that, I bid you farewell till our next interview. Thank you for allowing us to contribute to you and also for your listening. If you wish to seek out Michael, he can be reached through his website. https://www.opescoaching.com
In this episode, we begin with Michael asking himself who he is each morning. His doubts about what life should look like and where he should be. Thoughts created by him and the noise inside his head. He shares how he would turn to food and how he thought that he was the thoughts he was having. How they felt real. How he thought his feelings were more than just feelings.
He addresses how he declared himself to have power over his situation and where he failed in relationship and money. All this and more inside episode 17.4.
In this episode, we learn how Michael learned distinctions to understand the difference between being committed and not attached to what was happening around him. His willingness to explore and to let go while being responsible for what he calls “being a dick”.
He shares about what it was like crying in the parking lot at work before entering and his reluctance to coping with the situation. He explains how he wanted to feel the reality of what happened, the heartbreak of it.
In this episode, you start to hear how his responsibility begins to uncover the future he was wanting to wake up to.
In this episode, we begin to understand how the context of marriage was disempowering for Michael. Having come from a broken home he had blocked a lot out. How he chose to deal with things only had two options for him. He was either angry or he was hungry. Those were his options. It wasn’t until he began to take notice and start to be responsible for his actions that he realized how to be responsible.
As a listener, I imagine what it must be like to hear Michael share something so personal. As his story develops into future episodes, I am proud of how this episode shapes what is to come and what is available for you the audience of listeners.
Welcome to 2021, and to a new beginning for all of us, as a collective conversation. It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to Michael Rahman. A successful coach and father of two.
In 2010 he hit rock bottom while going through a divorce and had to learn quickly that he was bankrupt and running out of people to blame in his life. With only 14 social media friends, 9 of them being family. He began to realize that what was not working in his life was a direct reflection of who he was. What Michael did is a great example of where to begin the healing process. How he did it is where this share becomes a contribution to us as an audience.
The story begins when his then-wife came home from a business trip and said to him she had met someone. Heart-wrenching to hear and even more so to experience, but that wasn’t where this tale took a turn. It was when she didn’t come home that it hit him, and it was there that he decided to…
Michael shares from the heart and reveals a recipe for having success in divorce. His story begins here but it certainly doesn’t end there. If you are someone who is looking to turn around your situation, then let Michael share his story with you. He gives away effortlessly the tools he used to create the life he appreciates greatly today, which was built on the very back of his yesterday.
In this last episode we reflect on the things that helped Nancy, like journaling and meditation. She was lucky to have several outlets where she could work on herself, but recalls how sometimes it was so loud in her head that even meditating would make it worse. She had to learn to keep finding the ways that did work.
When we talked about what marriage meant to her now, after two divorces she wasted no time in sharing that marriage and having a beautiful relationship are not dependent on each other. It was also reassuring to hear her explain the importance of being alone before jumping into another relationship. Or how we forget the beauty that happened between then and the divorce and how no matter how good you may do, we all tend to notice the one bad thing. It was easy to hear her speak about something that has so much significance because she is not defined by it. She is not bitter or charged by what happened, more like grateful that was able to experience and learn from it.
When asked if she would do it all over again, she didn’t even flinch. Stating yes immediately and then sharing how she doesn’t regret any of it because it was all an opportunity. It was a very mature way of arriving to the end of our conversation, so we ended properly after that with a word game.
I feel like Nancy has done a lot of work within herself to really appreciate and be responsible for the life she currently has. She has reinvented what partnership means for her and assigned it a value she deems worthy and the language to have it exist as such.
In some of her last thoughts she says that we create our reality, no one else. After sitting with that statement for some time, I understood it to be a deep message and yet it is so simple. We do create our realities. We all have the power to choose what that reality may be and some pretend like we don't have a say in it.
If you are interested in learning more about Nancy, you can find her and what she is up to in the links below. Thank you for listening.
In this episode we dive deep into the shit of it. We go in depth with Nancy towards the moment when she had to decide for a second time that divorce was going to be in the future again.
From the official talk that set it in motion all the way to standing in the shit and having to surrender to not knowing what the outcome could be. She gives us insights into what that fear was like and how she chose to handle it.
Nancy speaks about the fear she felt and how she had to just allow it to exist without trying to control it before she could move on. A tip many of us know conceptually but more often than not do not practice it till we have no other alternative. Nancy explains how she had to make it a point to be okay with feeling shitty. It's important because when you do it, when you allow the feelings to come up, you let them go and that allows you to move on. Whereas, if you sit and complain, you will attract more of it.
In this episode we discuss being happy, listening to yourself, having kids and how divorce was an opportunity to start over for Nancy. She explains what she discovered and what she had to do so she could be aligned with herself. She shares some of the tools she distinguished to accomplish such a task and how to apply them.
She had been with husband number two for roughly twenty-two years, she had a beautiful daughter with him and when it was time to call it, she did it without hating him, nor did she resent him. She was the opposite, she was grateful for the many experiences and had done the work to move on graciously, without being vindictive before moving on.
Nancy shares what she did five years prior to the divorce, how she prepared for the day and why she stayed together for so long knowing it would not work for her. Get ready to really get into her world and see what is possible when you put the kids in front when knowing a divorce is nearby.
In this episode we learn that the landlord was suggesting that Nancy was cheating to her husband became the tipping point for the relationship to end. At the time she needed more affection and more connection, but instead he gave blame and showed insecurity, which motivated them to divorce.
Nancy explains what single life was like after the decision was final and the importance of allowing yourself to grieve. She shared how doing things she loved really opened her up to enjoying life again and that she was single for a long time. A huge component to her healing she attributes to being aligned with who she was while being in a place of joy.
This episode is a prime example of the tipping point and how to find yourself when it happens.
Also, tune in to find out if the landlord was right about Nancy cheating or was it just gossip.
Say hello to Nancy Benitez. Founder of MANifest, Soul & Body Coaching and Retreats for men. Overall, she has been divorced two times and when our interview started we quickly went to the source of what had her be with the same type of man, not once, but twice. But in order to get to that part of her story, you should know a little about where her story began.
Nancy had just turned 19 and she knew her first husband was not the right person for her, but she did it anyways, she got married so that she could get away from her dad and brother who at the time were driving her crazy. When her mother passed, her dad grieved and buried himself in work while she was left to raise and nurture her brother while still in her teens. She knew her then husband wasn’t someone she could grow old with, which is why the marriage only lasted four years. Ending pretty ugly according to her, she didn't go into much detail but she does share that she had a miscarriage in the process. When reflecting back to that time, she expresses that you should always check in with your intuition. Hers had never steered her wrong back then or now.
Knowing that she had gotten married it for the wrong reasons. Knowing that she wasn’t totally in love with him and even her own dad asking “are you sure” on her wedding day did not stop her from allowing the wedding to go on. Find out why and how it ended in this episode as Nancy uncovers how she was misaligned and what she had to do so it would not happen again.
In this episode we ask Kelly if she would do it all over again. Her answer like many before her was…
Kelly goes into detail about her decision about doing it all over again and really emphasizes the importance of listening to your intuition and trusting that the world will open up for you. She speaks about the way fear operates and what you can do to have freedom around it. How the journey has been both ugly and beautiful at the same time.
When asked about her life now, she said that she loves being in the driver’s seat. “I am in love with life and in love with experience. So if someone else is driving I am going to be pissed off, it won’t be a happy Kelly.”
You can find Kelly here:
Website: https://www.celestinevision.com/services
Facebook: @kellyredfieldcoaching · Personal Coach
In this episode we talk about fear and the different areas it shows up in like parenting, learning who you are and the reality of being single and parenting. What discipline look likes when not having the support of your spouse. Kelly does a great job at sharing what it was like for her to discover a structure that worked for her and also how she discovered that speaking her truth lessened the weight of expectations.
She explains how having conversations is the most important thing to do and trying to authentically communicate with a partner around where your struggles are what you are working out in yourself is key to having a new relationship.
She shared a great piece of wisdom in offering a tip from her experiences, which speaks to the flow of communication for all of us. If you are met with their defenses, whatever they are. Try not to absorb them and stay centered on your truths, she advises others to feel that love in your heart for the other person as you move through whatever it is.
In this episode we explore what it is like to go from marriage, to divorce, and then to co-parenting. In the beginning Kelly recalls not really knowing who she was, while her ex was colder and harsher once the divorce began to take shape. Because they grew up together, she feels they were able to find a friendship in the process and as a result of that she is currently friends with him and his current wife.
Kelly’s belief is that what we experience is on purpose, placed in our path to help us work out and grow from. Because the kids were important to her and her ex, she focused on creating the next white picket fence for them. Providing her kids a support structure that was and continues to be strong.
Ultimately, she believes that what the kids need is for their adults to be okay. “If my ex and I can show up for them happy and content, then we have done our job”.
In this episode we learn that Kelly’s mom recommended a week long grief therapy once the divorce was final. We discover how it played a pivotal role with Kelly and how she learned to handle the pain while building coping skills for life in general. She also shares how important it was for her to not have to worry about cooking or responsibilities and allow herself to be sad for that week.
She speaks about what she discovered in that time and how she became aware of her unconscious and then being conscious, understanding her personality structure and how to give language to what motivates and drives her.
It was in that course that she became passionate about helping others find what she found in herself, which led her towards being a life coach and all the other amazing adventures in entrepreneurship she has since started.
Kelly talks about what happens when you are heart broken and disappointed in how life is showing up. She shares how she helps people slow down in her coaching and figure out the deeper meaning of what is being experienced so that you can authentically heal.
This is a special episode, it has the warmth of Kelly's past and all the possibilities she created back then and still nurtures today. She gives you a good story to place down your coffee cup on, as you stare into the fire of her obstacles and warm up to the victories of the present.
Most importantly, it reveals how necessary it is to allow your emotions to exist and to take the time you need to heal.
Meet Kelly Redfield, a mother of two beautiful girls, newly re-married after being divorced for 8 years and a life coach, entrepreneur and all around Alabama native. She met her ex when she was 14 and married at 21. She explains how “We did decide to marry because we didn’t really feel like our families let us be adults until we married. I didn’t even go on vacations with them, so this was our way to take our relationship to the next level but we didn’t necessarily understand what that meant because we were looking at it with teenage eyes”.
Overall they were married 10 years and there was a lot of pain around separating, there was a co-dependency that was built between the two of them because they didn’t have a lot of relationship experience outside of just the two of them.
They built their identities around each other. When it was time to begin separating they decided to have a long separation before signing papers because the kids we're still very young. Five and two at the time. She explains how it was a really natural process for the both of them. They had just gotten to the point where they couldn’t be healthy together anymore and were fighting way too much.
She tells us how she knew they had to separate because the life that the kids would have with them together is not the life they deserved. They could do better apart and as friends.
Kelly shares how childhood sweethearts is really uncommon for long term relationships because you build habits on how you fight and what triggers the other person having arguments as adults but behaving like when you met.
You can find Kelly here:
Website: https://www.celestinevision.com/services
Facebook: @kellyredfieldcoaching · Personal Coach
In our last episode with Kelly we hear her say that she knows people are good, that they don’t want to be hateful. She also shares what she assumes is her role in the process, which is to not make them hateful, her job is to move them on. She makes it a point to clarify that she is not trained to do psychology, but she knows a lot of good therapists.
Her one consistent advice is that you don’t make decisions when you are angry.
Kelly then shares a success story of a 70 year man, married for 50 years wanting a divorce to be with his high school sweetheart who’s husband has cancer and is dying.
In this episode Kelly talks about how she wants to not care, but she actually does care about her divorce clients. Even the ones that come across angry, she cares because they are hurting.
She talks about how everybody is hurting and wants justice, but how she just wants to tell them "you are not going to get that in court, there is a limit to what the law can do." The law can never punish the husband for cheating. The law can never punish the wife for getting pregnant if you are not there. She also brings insight into the victim mindset and stated that just because you are a housewife, doesn’t mean you should be clueless about money. If your husband brings in all the money, you should insist on managing it.
We touched lightly on prenups and also what constitutes her personal moral fiber. The steps for her to take on a new client and what can cause that relationship to go south if she finds out.
When asked what is something people should know or do, she stated if you go to a lawyer angry, you are not thinking clearly and if it’s not the right lawyer, they will manipulate you. Divorce lawyers are not in the business of hating your spouse, they are not in the business of chasing your spouse for revenge. That is not what they are in the business of.
In this episode we talked about the limitations within the law. How, however you are prior to the divorce with your kids will most likely remain the same within the law. Kelly explains why in California there is a six month waiting period and when it actually starts. She shares how If people would stop fighting, then lawyers would stop making money. She makes it very clear that it starts with you, so don’t blame your lawyer for something you did. She explains how the paperwork for a divorce is a walk in the park, reaching an agreement between you and your spouse is the hardest thing.
Don’t miss out on her entire interview, Kelly does a very good job at explaining and sharing about what to do and what not do in her episodes.
In this episode we discuss how people behave within a divorce. The options you have available to you from a family law perspective and some of the differences within those options. She really gets detailed on the importance of the attorney’s role and how she specifically navigates her process. Which begins with an hour of counsel where you learn about your options and go over the law for your divorce case.
She informs us of where we could go to find support from the city of Los Angeles if you cannot afford an attorney and offers up solutions towards reaching an amicable agreement with your spouse. She states how “It sucks to be cheated on, to be cut off, to be betrayed. But you have to learn that the law doesn’t really compensate you for that”. She does a great job of educating us on the reality of divorce, the lawyer’s role and the expectations.
Kelly is really one of the good ones and when you hear this episode, it is really difficult to deny that. If you find yourself looking for representation in the Los Angeles area, I invite you to consider speaking with Kelly. It is rare to find someone who has such rooted values in her field and is genuine.
Get ready to meet Divorce Attorney Kelly Chang Rickert as she explains in detail all the things you should and could expect from someone in her profession. She also shares some valuable insights into the reality of getting a divorce and how it can get ugly. This is the episode that really preps you for understanding what a divorce attorney does and does not do, which she explains vividly.
Kelly is going to break down what she does, what she has seen others do, and what she believes the responsibility of the divorce lawyer is. She educates you on the process, gives you a ballpark figure of how much it would cost, and also what her fees are, as well as how retainers work.
In this segment alone we cover so much ground, I would invite you to consider having tools for taking notes handy. The other option is you can listen to it again and again. However you choose to keep track is perfect. Kelly is clear and concise and if you have interviewed attorneys you will quickly learn that she is the real deal. Alright, let’s get into it.
In this last episode with Stephane, we polish up the importance of needing a plan. He recalled how his lawyer said to him that on paper he was bankrupt and how that had him make a plan. He created a daily budget, which helped him get back on his feet and allowed him to know where he was going.
He also speaks about dating and how that was not a focus for him till he was ready. After being married for 20 years he shares how he didn’t know what to do. How you have to be ready before adding people to the equation. According to Stephane, divorce makes you grow in a lot of different ways, which makes you who you are. He states that divorce is an opportunity for a second chance, to start over.
This interview with Stephane was another glance into what a man observes and experiences inside a divorce. The more interviews that become available on Divorce The First Six Months, the more it is realized that whether you are a man or a woman, we all crave and feel the same emotions. Some more than others, but ultimately we wish to be loved and understand.
We make the best of our situations, and for most, we rise out of the situations as better people. Stephane is a perfect example of that. It took getting divorced to begin doing the things he wanted to do in life. Which begs the question. Why don’t we do it while we are with our partners. Why does it take us losing something to remember or commit to what we want for ourselves?
In this episode we start to hear what it was like for Stephane to communicate what he was going through. We talk about the challenges of sharing and where he wishes he would have talked more. How in his mind he didn’t even know what friend he could talk to.
We also learn that the divorce was a second chance for him to do the things he had wanted to but never did, like the podcast and opening his own business. How he filled up the gaps in his life that were empty and why all of this actually brought him closer to his kids, which is very grateful for. He states that at the end of the day, I think everybody wants to be heard and the more you hear about it the more it will be helpful to the next person.
In this episode we talk about what he did to deal with stress and anxiety. Working from his new home made things worse, because he was in one spot indoors for so long, so he began to walk as much as three times a day. His kids laughed, but that opened the door to communication with them. He talks about what it was like to go on those walks and what it meant to him and his healing process.
We start to hear where he began to turn things around for himself and how he reached his one day at a time perspective. How he began to count his blessings and started focusing on the good things to help him get through it, which he did. He talks about his realization about how it was up to him to move forward and what it takes to fulfill on that.
Once he was able to see what was important in life, he focused on that.
In this episode we talk about the reality of moving on and what that looks like. From the new apartment, to the kids eventually moving in with him full time. He shares how rough it was being alone for the first time and how he didn’t waste time when he had visitations with the kids.
He shares how relieved he felt when the divorce was final and the signatures were completed. He felt like he could finally start thinking about himself, now that he knew what to expect from the future from a legal perspective.
We talked about his kids and what it was like for him going through the many first six months he experienced. How the parenting changed and how the guilt he had for being the one who caused this had a grip on him. Eventually, he learned that the kids were smart and that he had underestimated them. He gives his kids a lot of credit for being better prepared than he was.
If you are a parent and wondering what to do with the kids, how to tell them or what to say, this is a great episode.
Say hello to Stephane Jutras. A divorced man and father of two teenagers. A business owner and fellow podcaster. I am excited that you have the opportunity to meet him and hear his story. He is a man who has found his voice within this topic labeled divorce and shares it freely, both to me and his own audience on his podcast. It was refreshing to find someone else who has braved the experience and created something out of it who appreciates what he learned along the way. Embracing the good and the bad.
You can find Stephane’s podcast at http://thedivorceddaddiaries.com and I really invite you to listen to it. He is a kind and insightful human being who speaks to us with the kind of sincerity many of us can appreciate. His story and the way he moved into his new life after almost 20 years of marriage has many life lessons for you to learn from. Starting with what he describes as having three First Six Months, not one. So, technically you get three interviews in one.
He discusses how they told the kids about the divorce and how once the divorce was real everything changed and quickly doubled in price. He talks about his legal process and goes into detail about what he learned about the reality of the day to day that took him two years to get through.
In this episode we learn that sometimes what we go through in life has a reason and Jill shares some of hers. From struggling with unhealthy eating habits to being grateful for the experience of marriage and divorce. It is all part of the journey and journaling was her way of releasing it.
Being in a position where she can now help others through her coaching has given her an opportunity to grow and make herself happy. She speaks about accepting the situation that you are in and how it may seem hard but she advises that you still choose it. Placing energy into somebody else changing is not something you should do.
In this episode we look at what it is like for the kids. The importance of respecting them and them respecting you. We talk about the dad and how the kids view him. Jill decided to not discredit the dad, but if they ever ask about him, she will say what is true for her. She talks about how getting angry is only hurting yourself.
“My emotion, my reaction, my blowing up does not change his behavior, All it does is get me upset.” This episode reveals the logic behind releasing your ex and allowing who they are be revealed to the kids.
In this episode we talk about how Jill wanted her then husband to be in the marriage but he was showing himself to her and she had to decide. She had to choose while being stuck in this place of uncertainty. She recalls wishing that someone would just tell her what to do. “You start to mourn what you thought you would have and in reality you never had that, you never had this dream or family dynamic so you start to grieve what you thought it should have looked like instead of the reality of what it was.”
Jill talks about the kids and what dating was like after the divorce. She shares how she is “a huge tightass about anybody meeting my kids. I have only had one person since I started dating. They didn’t sign up for the divorce.” She then shares about how to love your kids during these times and what worked for her. She talked to her kids straight, like adults.
Jill Gulotta is an East Coast bomb dropping rawness that tastes better than sashimi. She walks us through her first six months in detail sharing from the turmoil to the expectations. Immediately, we get deep in the conversation and what is revealed is a slice of life that anyone who has gone through divorce can relate to. In this interview you learn who Jill is and you can hear her passion for how she got herself to where she is today.
Jill was divorced in 2018 and has two handsome young men who are her world. She also helps women create a life they love after divorce by repairing emotional and physical health while reclaiming their independence and rebuilding self esteem. Jill is a divorce coach and registered dietician and you can find her at JillGulotta.com
Let’s find out more about Jill!
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In this episode, I speak about what is important to me now. How I view marriage and what I want next. I share about what I find to be the core of what I value and look forward to and detail as descriptively as I know to be possible what I consider sage advice. I acknowledge the good that came from the union with her and why I am committed to being an advocate for divorce being an opportunity.
My Peter Pan story completes in a Disney ending with a powerful message to anyone, anywhere that is going through anything, which is… Listen and find out.
I want to say thank you to Abbie Weiss for creating this podcast episode with me. It is more often than not lonely when you are the creator of something. So, when someone joins you as Abbie has, it becomes a playful adventure worth sharing and you or I in this instance get to speak into existence my story. I get to take part and share myself with you as you have with me. I am grateful for the opportunity and have a new admiration for each of my guests that have and will participate.
Till next time, Be courageous, Be vulnerable...It makes a difference.
In this episode, I talk about my perspective on divorce and the process. It became a business transaction, it wasn’t personal once I knew what she had done and was doing. We made a contract and now we were breaking it. I began to train myself to separate church and state while still living with her and her daughter. In that process, I discovered that you can pollute yourself or you can educate yourself. But ultimately, you have a responsibility to yourself. So that is what I did, I educated myself and the more I learned the less I needed or wanted her. The stronger I became the more I understood that I was grateful for the memories and the opportunity to love at the level I had experienced with her. Many go to regret and blame, as I did, but few discover acceptance. That is where I found gold. I never invalidated her and in the end, I am able to sleep at night...soundly.
In this episode, I take you from finding out it was over to forming my strategy for leaving and keeping the house. I leave no detail out and give you full access to what I did to separate myself from what was happening and what I wanted to happen. You learn about what I wanted, what she wanted, and how all that information defined the exit strategy without lawyers or turmoil in the midst of an emotional hurricane.
Overall, this shows you how quickly things change when hope is no longer alive. It shares what you have power over and what you can do to not be a victim of someone else’s choices which involve your life and sanity. It shows you what I did to have my divorce be an opportunity for me and not a burden. But, most importantly it reveals...
In this episode, I reflect on the moment when it all began, the first memory of when my spirit noticed something was off and the matrix had a glitch. I share about how I was told that she wanted to have a baby with me up until the house went under her name and I was married on paper. I reflect on how I blamed myself for everything as if it was my fault for trying, while all the clues in her language and behavior said otherwise. From how she spoke of her daughter stifling her career to the sleepover study nights at her friend’s house that happened more frequently than I care to admit. Some could say she didn’t want to be there, but who want to leave a man that cooked, did the dishes, and took care of your daughter while you slept “at your friend's house”.
All this and more in this episode. Like when the earthquake hit and she was nowhere to be...
Hi! My name is Peter Maestrey and I am an accomplished filmmaker, a Podcaster, and a Divorce Coach. When this journey began, I looked at what the world had to offer me as a man going through a divorce and found nothing of value. Everyone was selling me something, but not what I needed. So, I decided to transform and educate myself and others. I logged my experience and distinguished what worked and what didn’t and began speaking about it. I learned so much about myself through others that I decided to begin listening on a bigger scale. It was healing to be a listener, both for me and the guests. Not many of us were acknowledged for what we endured, so when someone asks us to talk about it, I’ve learned that it becomes refreshing to let it out.
Abbie Weiss, whom I turned over the microphone in this episode to is an accomplished transformational coach and human being. She is a dear friend and someone whom I have been developing my story with so that it could be shared with the world. It is with Abbie that this interview was born. It was in the very kitchen, telling the story of where I stood when my divorce became a reality that has us here today with you. You can find Abbie at www.AbbieWeiss.com and you should find her. Now back to the story.
I was with my ex for a total of 3 years and I do not regret any part of it, nor do I deny myself the pleasant memories of when we were together. Each day has a glimpse of what is possible for me and my future because of the coaching I have received and the many stories shared with me about what people endure.
In this episode and in this interview I will reveal myself to you and what I went through. How I created my marriage and then how I created my divorce. But in order to start, I want to invite you to how it began. When I was a little boy I loved Disney and Peter Pan. It was the idea of never growing up and having a Wendy where I would build mine from my childhood. I was to be Peter Pan and Wendy was going to be my boo. It was awesome. Then, one day on September 11th, 2016 I met who I thought was Wendy. And this is where the story takes off and I had to grow up.
In this episode we learn about the man and what he did to cope. He tells us about what he learned, what he would do differently and what his new outlook is on life. He shares some good advice and gives us hope as listeners. When you listen to David Paul, remind yourself that he is a 70 plus year old man, married for 43 years who is recently divorced and talks about life after divorce as a new beginning. It is inspiring, bold and beautiful to know we have access to David's story, enjoy!
In this episode we explore the length of the divorce. How they lived together and never saw each other, even on the days they went to court. David talks about how she hired a high priced lawyer and how he had to separate home and work life to get through the day. He quickly learned the importance of having a good lawyer and asking the right question when you hire one. “No matter how much you prepare for something, it’s like, reality hit, it’s happening.”
In this episode, David explains how his ex took early retirement while he continued to work and how the gradual progression of complaints and unrest slowly chipped away at the core of their marriage. He sensed something, but kept on. Then, one day while checking the accounts, 80k was gone. He informs us how in India, where he is from when you get married, two become one. He didn’t expect it, but nonetheless it happened. He talks about the importance of being involved in the finances. He also shares how he was served when the divorce became a reality.
Meet David T. Paul. He is a Tax Accountant in the Los Angeles area with over 50 years of business experience and now divorced after 42 years of marriage. He is over 70 years of age and just recently became single again. In this interview we learn a great deal about what to do, and what to expect from divorce. David tells us from his experience what it was like adapting to the change. His advice is that if you have many assets, you should hire a great attorney and consult with your accountant to better understand what your options are. He explains how to plan and what you should consider doing before you begin the process.
David’s personal divorce began 5 years prior to the divorce being final. An extremely long time to endure, but necessary because of the circumstances. He walks us through the many obstacles and what he had to relearn, starting with finding a new home to live in and adjusting to being single again.
Carrie talks about how she likes who she is and how she is not afraid of speaking her mind or of being vulnerable. She shares how writing letters to the people who hurt her was healing for her, but she did not share it with them. She wrote only for the sake of purging. She talks about how her mom passing and the divorce happening at the same time had her feel like a wounded animal, wanting to go back home to Florida.
She shared how her lawyer gave her the best advice. The lawyer said...
Meet Carrie, A Florida girl rooted in Los Angeles who prefers beach chairs over fancy couches. She is a mother of two beautiful girls and a TV Producer who made divorce and all the elements that come with it an opportunity to help others. As she says “Living in a big city, being financially independent, being a single mom. All of those things in the first six months seemed just insurmountable.” We will learn how she had a lack of self confidence and a lack of feeling worthy, and a lack of being enough all mixed into what became her starting point. She tells us how losing the people that were close to her erased having an emotional support system.
She attributes part of her loneliness in dealing with life after divorce to the fact that it wasn’t talked about. Instead, It was this shameful thing where she was some kind of failure. As she began to voice her story, support became more readily volunteered. By the end of this episode she poses a sincere question, which is “When you get married you imagine that you are going to live happily ever after, but what happens when ever after isn’t so happy?.”
In this episode Carrie says “The hardest thing for me in this was not knowing what I wanted. The biggest struggle was not having direction, I felt very lost. That is what motivated me searching for new friendships and learning.” she explains how when you are vulnerable, you open yourself up to criticism. She adds “I wish i would’ve taken more ownership of my life and myself and not been so sacrificial in all of it.” She shares how she didn’t do the things she could’ve done to make herself happy.
In our last episode with Carrie she shares an important insight. How everytime you think you fail, it's actually not a failure but an opportunity to pivot. She talks about her intuition and how she didn’t listen to it. How she knew her ex was being unfaithful but she wasn’t willing to recognize it. "The relationship wasn’t what it needed to be." The emotional connection was severed, he was invested in someone else. As she tells her story she says “He couldn’t have been happy because i was miserable.”
The beauty about this conversation is how a woman like Carrie can look back at her past and notice that she was “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.” She takes responsibility for her life and then turns it around.
Carrie is an unbelievable woman with a beautiful story. After meeting her you are left with a sense of having known her your whole life. Her story becomes yours, as if you had just spent the entire weekend nestled inside the pages of a book you couldn’t put down.
This episode reveals how Luis was a stand for his daughter’s not experiencing him hating their mother. He did everything possible for his ex to be successful. It's not healthy to have one half of the kids parents being unhealthy. He explains how he surrendered the decade in order to be present for his daughters growing up in their critical years. We also learn how anything anyone ever says to him is taken as a contribution, even if...
In this episode we dive deeper into Luis, the human being and language. How important it is to understand that you are who you say you are. Luis also shares how he was never going to deny his experience of love for her, not even if...
In this episode we meet Luis Moro, an entrepreneur, award winning filmmaker, father of two beautiful girls and an author of several books. He explains how divorce was an incredible reinvention tour and how your vocabulary is going to keep you in the trap you are in. He explains how he found himself not trying to have his ex be like his father who...
In this final episode with Luis we learn what his thoughts on co-parenting are, how it takes two people to make a relationship work, and one to mess it up. He shares how life is a gift and not a debt. When I asked how he is with his ex cheating on him, he replied “c’mon, I have”…
In this episode Misty explains how the biggest thing they argued over in the divorce was who got the Nirvana import CD’s. She speaks about how they both had guilt, him for what he put her through and her for leaving. She explains how in the end it was...
In this episode we summarize the experience and talk about her relationship after the divorce. The process of getting to know yourself again and her relationship to sadness. Loss was not something unfamiliar to her. In the end she leaves us with “everybody should cry”.
In this episode we meet Misty Roberts, who is 20 years divorced and remembers what happened as if it were yesterday. She tells us about how she distanced herself, what she did after he hit her and why she stayed with him after rehab. Her story is that of rock legends and therapists. The best part was when she said...
In this episode Misty recalls the thing she had been running from her whole life. How she owed no one but herself. She shared how she was able to get the rest of her life out of getting divorced.
In this episode we learn how Misty felt like she loved herself more back when she was getting divorced. How trusting your gut is important and to never doubt yourself. She shares how evolving as a human being is not an easy process. We also learn that she has taken some of the worlds biggest band on tour and that had she not gotten divorced, that was not...
In this episode we learn about how counseling was the same early in the marriage as it was in the end. How she was told she was being abused because she couldn’t see it and she gives details on how she was manipulated and controlled. She gives insight into being with a narcissist and how the more they do it the more she was convinced it was her causing the issues. She also shares programs where she attended that helped her heal and move on to...
In this episode Erin tells us she would one thousand percent do it all over again. She has a real relationship herself as a result of it. She explains why she believes her kids will have an extraordinary life as a result of the divorce and how important it is to have a co-civil relationship for the kids. Overall, Erin does an incredible job of explaining the importance of being who you want to be inside of your own humanity. She gives insight into what it takes to be a single mom with twins that exited her relationship with her head held high.
In this episode Erin shares about working with relationship coaches and how she was controlled and manipulated with money even though she earned more than him. How reading a book and by the end of the first chapter she knew it was over. She talks about how she subconsciously sabotaged the relationship accidentally on purpose because she “wouldn’t have had the balls to end it”. She also shares a deep dark truth about her...
In this episode we learn the importance of what a previous tax return means in regard to alimony payments and how much Erin liked going out into the world and saying she was married. She wanted everyone to know she was married, she wore the ring like a badge of honor. She talks about the single most important thing to do is trust yourself and the constant looking outside herself to fix herself was completely useless. She also shares that the rat in the wood pile was...
Erin McLain is a mother of twins and successful business woman. She shares how the nature of her marriage was of psychological abuse and how when she broke free from that she could finally breathe again. She talks about what she did to grow from the fancy gym to the workshops and training seminars. She talks about how the type of trauma she had experienced was stuck in her body at a...
In this episode Madeline shares about living in San Francisco and what it was like without any single friends at the start of her divorce. She shares how building that community was important and how it made a difference for her. She then details her awareness on how much she talked about her divorce and the different friends with whom she shared.
In this episode we talk about her separation process in the F6M and how they both wanted a clean divorce. Madeline shares who got the dog and why. We learn about how important it is to set boundaries with lawyers and how it sometimes takes a podcast to have one more important conversation with our sister. She concludes this episode how her and the Ex both had doubts before the wedding about...
In this episode you will learn how Madeline viewed exercising and what the outcome of consistency is over the long term. She talks about balance and focus and how it is all necessary to keep you grounded. She also shares something very personal about how she felt within the marriage. How when the divorce was final she could finally relax and not have to...
In this episode Madeline shares the importance of instinct and trusting your gut before getting married. She talks about having self awareness about you are saying and why when speaking to others. She also shares what she would do differently if she had to do it all over again.
In this episode we talk about how the divorce was mutual and how the process of others influenced her. “Sometimes you have to cut people out because they can’t deal with it”. She goes on to share how listening to a song can trigger a memory and shares that what hurt the most after divorce was learning her ex had...
This episode talks about the anxiety of waiting for it to be over and the importance of having a date when it’s done and over. Having a finality to it gives you a goal. He shares about how he suppressed the critical moments in the beginning with drinking and drugs to avoid reality and how that didn’t help him. In the end, Therapy was super important in helping him cope years later.
In this episode we learn how the routine of what you know changes immediately and how that chaos causes you to search for “why”. We examine the many things that the first month starts to reveal and what begins to take shape. Expecting communication breakdowns, self discovery and strategies are part of the process. He shares how learning about infidelity gave him the permission he needed to be selfish and start thinking of himself.
n this episode Johnny Fumero talks us through the rollercoaster of the first six months. The emotional stages, how young he was going through it and the freak show that a divorce becomes. He shares about his father’s sage advice about how his father never lets him forget it. In the end, he tells us how in one split second he knew it was unrepairable. What did he learn to give him that freedom?
This episode has Johnny sharing how he prepped for the first six months and how no matter what someone tells you, it is when you accept what’s happening that you begin to understand. He talks about the timeframe in which he did everything, what gave him strength and how he bluffed and she folded. He ends his interview with inspiring words to someone about to go through a divorce by saying “Be who you were supposed to be”.
In this episode things get twisted around and Johnny becomes the interviewer and I the interviewee. I share with him how chasing “why” and the importance of writing this down saved me from gaslighting. I also explain that writing things down saved me time and money when building a strategy for my exit. When you know what your choices you begin to become the mvp of your team again.
In this episode we explore communication and what could have been done differently. The cost of falling into routine and the importance of staying calm. Alex goes on to share how once he told his truth he had the feeling of a hug weight being lifted from his shoulders.
In this episode we learn how Alex met his Ex-wife and shares about the road towards the inevitable divorce. Admitting along the way that the most important thing to him was for his kids to feel safe. When asked if he would do anything differently, he replied...
In this episode Alex speaks of how his father joined a group when he went through his divorce. He talks about guilt and feeling wrong. He goes on to say how the two most important people in a child’s point of view are their parents. Kids should not be part of the divorce, you should keep your arguments private.
In this episode Alex shares how long they were together, the time it took to separate and the day he knew it was over for him. He talks about the use of a lawyer and when he chose to begin the legal process. We learn about his guilt and why he stayed longer than he would have liked to.
In this episode Alex speaks of the importance of being conscious around the kids. To not confuse them with your actions by introducing someone new. Let things settle and then introduce any new person you or your ex dates little by little. Try to keep the kids in the same structure or routine that they had prior to the divorce.
In the first ever interview for this podcast my mom Rosi Maestrey tells us of the exact moment she knew she wanted a divorce and how she distinguished it. She talks about what it was like to walk into an empty space and how she never saw any effort from her then partner towards saving the marriage. It was then she asked a very important question most of us ask ourselves. Did she want to live the rest of her life like this?
When asked would she do it all over again Rosi replied "I'd run and not wait so many years". It wasn't until she began to peel the onion of her relationship did she begin to see him for who he was. She talks about valuing yourself and letting the other person go. She goes on to say that "Once we really see them, it doesn't hurt anymore".
The moral of this episode is that when you love them, you make excuses. Rosi talks about her self esteem being attacked and how she learned to get it back. She was always stressed out and didn't realize why.
13 years of marriage ended with Rosi choosing to not live like that anymore. She felt lost, as if someone had taken something from her. She shares the experience of what it was like to blame herself and how important it is to talk about your feelings as a way of healing.