Detox Podcast: Recent Episodes
Denise Walker
A deep dive into addiction & recovery by means of Denise Walker's poetry collection, Pick Your Poison. Each episode explores the themes & emotions of one poem from the book, ranging from grief and pain to strength and joy, many of which are found in the face of everyday situations while in recovery. Your own copy of Pick Your Poison is not necessary but is available on Amazon or directly from the Author at www.denisewalkerspeaks.com if you would like to purchase it. Find Denise on Instagram: @denisejwa or Facebook: Denise Walker, Author.
Is it addiction or is it internalized capitalism? Denise shares how when she got sober, she shifted from making art just for her to monetizing every aspect of her life. Productivity, self-worth, time, energy... it's all part of the structure. She lists a bunch of ways to notice internalized capitalism within you and offers ways to cope with it.
Show Notes: Learn to Read Tarot Workshops and Club Steady: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops
Sobriety was the ultimate catalyst for co-creating a beautiful life with her Partner. Denise shares the things she has learned about love in her 8+ year relationship as well as tips on how to create living poetry out of differences. Show Notes: Life is a Festival Podcast episode #97 - Healing New Age Narcissism https://open.spotify.com/episode/498AYiusWvA4vQH4YaI3Fe?si=Wh83fi4uSMeyBMP00RwlzQ Join Club Steady: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops
Are people who are still drinking "asleep?" Denise talks about the dangers of "us vs them" mentalities in addition recovery. Show notes: Books mentioned: Red Rising Trilogy by Paul Brown / Succulent Wild Love by S.A.R.K. Podcast mentioned: Rob Bell's Robcast episode South Star. Join Club Steady: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops
Addiction recovery is rife with discomfort. Oftentimes, step one of recovery is sitting through the discomfort without using. But is discomfort only to be suffered through? What if we explored and honoured it instead of avoiding it? There is incredible data in the discomfort. We can explore it to discover important things about ourselves that will better equip us on our recovery journeys.
Denise shares the emotional personal story of how she was adopted and all the messy events that followed. CW: Self harm, suicide, family shit, physical abuse.
There has been a lot of talk on social media regarding Self-care vs Community Care especially in a this -or-that kind of way. This episode explores the implications of moving to a Community Care support model from Self-care model for those in addiction recovery while identifying some missing pieces in the discourse as well as prescribing some homework for the audience.
Q&A style episode where Denise answers questions that were asked regarding sobriety on Instagram like, "How do you stay sober when craving hits?" and "How do you explain how important your sobriety is to your non-sober friends?"
Denise interviews Nutritionist Mimi Rose who specializes in food for recovery. Visit her blog here: www.recoverybitesblog.com. Register for my Learn To Read Tarot Workshop (on April 27, 2021) here: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops and use code TAROT at checkout to get 40% off! Sign up for my email list here: www.denisewalkerspeaks.com
Cannabis in sobriety? Denise talks about starting to use cannabis after being sober for a while and details her ever-changing thoughts & opinions towards it.
Welcome to the dark side of spiritual awakenings. Denise asks the question, "When does spirituality stop helping and start hindering?" Denise talks about reprogramming her brain in recovery in a way that at first was very beneficial but eventually left her in a mental space rife with spiritual bypassing.
What is Unconditional Positive Regard? Denise describes interpersonal experiences from her time in Hip Sobriety School and how Unconditional Positive Regard was and is such an integral piece in supporting others in recovery.
What do Cults, Abusive Relationships, and Addiction all have in common? Welcome to the first episode of season 2 of Detox Podcast! Denise explores a cyclical model of recovery vs the idea that healing is linear and provides tips on how to create a safe place to land after addiction.
Show Notes:
Conspirituality Podcast: www.conspirituality.net
She Recovers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/SHERECOVERSTogether
I mention Ashtanga yoga in this episode. While I couldn't find a written account of the painful physical practice, here is an article written by Matthew Remski regarding the abhorrent misconduct within Ashtanga yoga: https://matthewremski.com/wordpress/tag/ashtanga/
Are drunk words sober thoughts? In this episode, Denise speaks about the "bad" things we do while intoxicated, the cognitive dissonance these things produce, and how to reconcile your "negative" actions with the good person you really are.
Denise explores chronic suffering, cycles of pain, and the possibilty of contentment in the midst of a hurricane.
Content Warning: Self-harm. We talk about self-destructive behaviours, where they come from, why we do them, & the concept that we do them "just for the attention".
In this episode, Denise talks about people-pleasing, boundaries, and carrying shit that isn't ours.
Denise recounts devastating forest fires in British Columbia & Alberta as a segue into the global trauma that is COVID-19. She talks about personal & collective grief as well as survival.
In this episode, Denise talks about the frustrations of Brain Fog while in active addiction. She relives how toxic alcohol was to not only her body & mind but also to her relationships.
What it feels like to drink after being sober for a time & what to do if you've started drinking again.
I share my experience with the mind fuck that is deciding to drink again. Namely, all the bullshit that went through my head as I was about to head to a Mexican All-Inclusive resort when I was only 3 months sober. Even though I knew that drinking again would leave me in a state close to death, the pull to still do it was impossibly strong.
This is the last full moon of the decade! Settle into a guided meditation to release the old patterns of 2019 and enter into the 2020's feeling lighter & more aligned.
We all have good days and bad days, but what if the bad days were actually the best days? What if everything good came from the times we completely shattered into a million pieces? In this episode, I explore all the deeper meanings of "bad days" and "good days".
Scared of the looming holiday season? Me too. In sobriety, we constantly have to choose our new life over our old drinking life. Liquor-laced events pop up all the time and threaten to pull us back into our partying ways. In this episode, I explore how we can keep our eyes on healing and self-care instead of succumbing to dangerous "obligations" or "temptations".
I talk about the first taste of freedom from nightly craving and how amazing it felt. However, craving wasn't done with me. I had spoken too soon & celebrated too soon. Like all things, recovery is not linear. Like all things, recovery comes with cycles. Once we lean into the death & rebirth of this process, we will find peace within the madness.
We all have phases of death and rebirth - use this audio to turn inward and release what no longer serves you.
In this episode I talk about how I've always been a master of self-abandonment and what that cost me over the years. I reflect on ways I'd been vacating myself even before I started drinking.
I tell the story of a water bottle filled with gin, how I lied about it, and how I am so grateful to be free of deceptions like that
Alcohol is an abusive lover that tricks you into remaining trapped. It talks down to you, instills fear, makes you loathe yourself. In this episode, I talk about the moment before freedom and how things seem to get harder right before we walk through the door to the other side of addiction.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is a bitch but it is also a scared experience - a right of passage in recovery that teaches us to care incredibly deeply for ourselves.
I tell the story of my first solo AND sober vacation to Phoenix, Arizona when I was only 2 months sober. I share how a hike of the West Fork Trail in Sedona was the ultimate pilgrimage of soul & how I let it be the final resting place of the old, addicted me.
In the poem, 'Groundhoggin'', I ask, "is this all life has in store for me?" Every day felt the same like I was reliving the same day over and over again. Drink all night, sooth a hangover all day. I never prepared my food for work, amongst other neglects, leading to a devaluation of myself. I was my last priority. In this episode I talk about how to break free of Groundhog Day.
Cravings are the things that keep us in the addiction cycle. They are the single most challenging part of breaking free. So, when you do, bask in the overwhelming sense of accomplishment and ask for the next mountain to head your way.
Today is the worst day of your life. Now, Imagine waking up late with no clean clothes and no time to eat. You are not prepared to take on this horrible, anxiety inducing date. Everything seems to be working against you. So what do you do?
"Awareness is like fire, and fire purifies." - Dr. Richard Miller.
The psyche feels fragile in early recovery, so fragile that the sound of a mere air-conditioner is enough to shatter it. In this episode, I describe feeling stuck in this state & I reflect on how quickly "stuck-ness" turns into growth.
I used to do everything in my power to avoid being called a 'cry baby' or 'too sensitive'. In recovery, I have learned to embrace my feelings and use them to my benefit. I talk about how the word 'overreact' is lost on me and how to dive deep into our reactivity for personal growth.
After years of drinking, it was as if the bottles of gin had exploded and embedded jagged glass in my organs. In this episode I talk about how recovery begins when we remove the shrapnel. The process is painful but we must be diligent. We must celebrate each piece as it is removed.
I used to have a crippling fear of flying which I routinely tried to "solve" by drinking throughout my airport/airplane experience. Here is my list of 17 ways to manage your fear of flying without the booze.
In this episode, I explore my poem named after a song by Icelandic band Kaleo. The time surrounding this poem was an emotional one where I was fighting the pull to escape either into total bliss or total destruction. Inevitably the only option was to stay in uncomfortable limbo between the two.
What do Chernobyl & airplane crashes have to do with sobriety? Hint: Rock bottom is bullshit. In addition to that not-so-sweet relationship, I talk about feeling out of control and how to tell when that feeling is beneficial and when it is detrimental to your highest good.
'True North' is about using discomfort as a compass rather than an exit strategy. In this episode, I talk about loneliness and how we can shift our perspective of it to better serve us. I share my journey of learning to welcome myself home after years of vacancy.
A lot of us on this journey are caregivers & have a hard time turning that part of ourselves towards ourselves. I talk about selfishness in recovery and how it is not synonymous with "badness". Through my poem, 'Introversion', I talk about the importance of choosing to direct most of your energy towards yourself in order to give yourself much needed attention that has possibly been lacking for a long time.
My poem, 'Irritation', is all about dealing with mood swings in early recovery. In this episode, I explore how unpredictable irritation can be and how difficult it can be to dispel. I talk about how Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is a dangerous but vital part of the recovery process and I provide some tools for dissipating feelings of frustration.
In this episode, I talk about the importance of recognising when we are harbouring pain and how impactful telling one person about it can be. I speak about finding clarity, my struggle with using cannabis, and how to use meditation to gain space & perspective.
I dive into my poem, 'Responsible', to explore the fine line between helping and hindering when it comes to being a good friend. As I healed, I learned amazing tools and strategies that worked extremely well for me. The trouble is, I loved MY way so much, I began pushing it on others. In this episode, I talk about learning to stay in my lane as well as how to provide loving support without trying to single-handedly solve everyone's problems.
In this episode, I take you through my poem 'Sat Nam' by exploring themes of anger, transition, & expansion. 'Sat Nam' means 'True Identity' and that is the essence of this poem—during moments of clarity I could see how my true self was being uncovered.
In this episode, I explore my poem 'Beam' by sharing stories about incredible joy. I relive moments of uncontrollable bliss in unsuspecting places and discuss how lucky I am to get to experience this addiction to recovery journey.
In this episode, I explore the pull to hear the experiences of others when I myself felt emotionally disconnected. I talk about the relationship between empathy and self-control and the science behind it. I share my experience with empathy and how it wasn't until I was sober that I realized how susceptible I am to the energy of others.
Self-harm trigger warning Denise takes us into different ways she used engage in escapism as well shares a recent revelation she had about love addiction in her late teens/early twenties. Denise talks about her experience with cannabis use and the importance of being easy on yourself as you explore the many different paths in life.
What really happened when my Whisper & Roar partner couldn't make it to Seattle, the poem Surrender, and what 'surrender' means to me.