Transforming Monday: Recent Episodes
Christian Salafia
We all have rough patches from time to time. Nobody is happy all the time. If we were, we wouldn’t be people, we’d be game show hosts!
It’s been a rough week here at the Transform Radio ranch, and when I found jalapenos in the olives I was using to make enchiladas, I realized that sometimes life is like that.
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When you take their opinion personally, especially if it’s negative, by your offense you’re agreeing with what they have to say about you.
The second agreement is all about being secure in who you are, knowing yourself, and accepting who you are.
You know your path.
You know your journey.
You know how far you’ve come and how far you’ve yet to go.
People who fling insults at you don’t.
Taking them personally is agreeing with them and giving them power to control your life.
You control your life…not them.
Now, if you’re like me, the initial impression of this first agreement is that it simply means “do as you say, say as you do” and “tell the truth…always.”. Well, that’s only a minor part of it.
Almost every major religion/philosophy has a teaching about the power of words. In Christianity it’s “the tongue has the power of life and death”. In Buddhism it’s “Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind they can change our world.”
In the introduction to The Four Agreements, Ruiz talks about how we, as people, are domesticated like our pets by our parents, our teachers, our family, our friends, and we learn, through a series of rewards an punishments, what and who everyone else thinks we should be in order to gain acceptance.
Changing from this norm creates fear, and that fear keeps most of us trapped in dull, drab, unhappy, unfulfilled lives.
We create this idealized version of who we're supposed to be...someone, by the way, we can never live up to be, and we use this idealized version to judge ourselves and declare ourselves guilty.
One of our family routines is we watch a show called "The Middle". Tonight, the Hecks won a trip to New York City, yet were besieged by challenges in getting there to the point that their flight was rerouted to the nearest non-snowed in city, which happened to be Pittsburgh. As they landed in Pittsburgh, everyone but Sue Heck, the middle daughter, wanted to quit and go home. She stood firm, determined to celebrate the biggest thing that ever happened to her and not let her dream die in Pittsburgh.
In the closing voice over, the Mom said these fateful words....
"Luck will get you to Pittsburgh...perseverance will get you to New York City"
How many times in your life has "luck" gotten you to your own personal Pittsburgh and left you a 9 hour bus ride from your dream destination, your New York City?
The difference between your dream dying in Pittsburgh and living your dream in New York City is simply perseverance, discipline, and hard work.
There's a television show called "What would you do?" that presents morally and ethically challenging situations and the films the general public, unaware, and what their reactions are.
Character is often said to be composed of what you do when nobody is looking. I think the amendment to that is character is what you do when everyone is looking and it's damn uncomfortable.
A discussion at the dinner table tonight about Star Wars, Doctor Who, and the ethics of sacrificing who you are for the greater good set this thought train in motion.
Come along for the ride and think to yourself... "What would I do?"
There's no disagreement that there are some truly offensive things in life...war, death, famine, poverty, racism, injustice, etc. There's also not much disagreement that there are things that are offensive to some of us but not others.
This isn't what we're talking about.
We're talking about choosing to be offended at everything!
You know, those folks who take EVERYTHING personally, view EVERYTHING as an attack on them... the Debbie Downers and Paulie PartyPoopers.
Chronic "offendedness" like that is often a sign of deep seeded insecurity in the chronically offended.
Choose to live joyfully.
Choose to express gratitude.
Choose to let things go.
Choosing to be offended is a guaranteed way to drive away those close to you.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
In a recent post on TransformingMonday.com, I asked "Are you the black sheep of the family?"
Based on some of the responses I got, some are, some aren't, and man, are there a bunch of misconceptions about who black sheep are and what they believe.
Listen in as we:
- dissect the myth that black sheep are simply rebellious, unmotivated, directionless slackers who hate their families
- decipher that "family curses" are simply familial beliefs passed down, often unintentionally, through generations
- learn that black sheep, more often than not, come from relatively normal, uneventful childhoods
- build a bridge of understanding between the black sheep and the rest of the flock.
Black sheep are people too...
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
We all have those inner voices that constantly tell us we're no good, we're not smart enough, we're not pretty enough... these are the voices of our limiting beliefs.
How awesome would it be to be able to change those voices, even silence them, any time you wanted? It doesn't matter how long you believed it, or who told you the horrible ugliness, you can change that voice in mere minutes.
Listen in for the first powerful lesson in NLP and silence those negative voices forever.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) is the science behind how we communicate, how our concious and subconcious thoughts affect our physiology, and how we can change our neural patterns in order to create the life we truly desire.
In order to move from where you are to where you want to be, you have to be able to eliminate all of the horrible ugliness that holds you back so that the awesome goodliness can flow through you.
Tonight, as we begin a new series on how you can shift your beliefs in the blink of an eye or the snap of your fingers, we set the foundation of creating your own mental television control room where you are the director.
This episode is VITAL to understanding and utilizing the practices I'll be teaching in this series.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
In a book I'm currently reading, a lesson is given that the best spiritual practice is just showing up.
In life, our best practice, period, is to show up and show up consistently. Whether it's in relationships, in business, in your own growth... showing up consistently will get you better results than showing up occasionally.
What does it mean to 'show up'?
Listen in and find out!
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” - Steve Maraboli
Too many people refuse to take responsibility for their lives. They live as victims of circumstance, letting life happen to them instead of making their lives happen.
Taking control of your life begins with owning your #@#$^%! Taking responsibility for your words, your actions, and your choices will move you from victim to victor.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Office politics are an ugly game. It's a game of power, of status, of unearned privilege. Superiors who demand the game be played define themselves by the fealty they receive. Subordinates who play the game are looking to get ahead not on talent, but by schmoozing the right person.
It's a recipe for frustration and bitterness.
Don't play the political game. Keep it professional, keep it honest, keep your integrity beyond question and you won't have to sacrifice your self-esteem to climb that next rung on the ladder.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Every once in a while in our house both kids will find other places to be on a weekend night. This last Friday was one such occasion.
While sitting at the bar at Bahama Breeze waiting for our table, we struck up a conversation with the couple next to us. Turns out the husband was Shawn Seipler, CEO of CleanTheWorld.org.
It's pretty impressive what his organization does. What's more impressive is his story of success to failure to success, a story Shawn will be sharing on a future episode.
Had we decided to go to a table when our buzzer buzzed, we never would have met them and heard their amazing story.
Don't be afraid to sit at the bar once in a while... you never know who you'll meet.
Connect with Transform Radio -
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
You cannot have the life you want if you're not willing to work for it. Too many people make excuses and accept that things will never change or they sink into believing the life they have is all they'll ever have.
You cannot achieve your million dollar dreams with a minimum wage work ethic.
Being able to establish rapport with other people is important in all facets of life. Most of us have no idea how to do it, and some are really bad at it.
Being able to establish rapport relaxes the other person's objection reflex, makes them more open to what you have to say, and establishes a subconscious connection between the two (or more) of you.
Imagine how much your business life, your career, your dating life, your relationships with others could improve simply by being able to establish rapport with the person you're talking to.
Well, listen in and I'll show you how easy it is.
Connect with Transform Radio -
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
We've all said it.
We've all used a single phrase as a way to justify not doing either what we're supposed to or what we truly want to do.
Yabbit.
Listen in and kick the yabbit habit!
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Over 20 years ago, the movie Groundhog Day premiered. It's a story of a man who gets trapped in a single day in time until he learns what his true passion is.
When you rolled into the office today...is it the same as it ever was? Do your days just blur together?
Well, perhaps it's time to discover what your passion, your calling is so you can stop living your own Groundhog Day.
Connect with Transform Radio -
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Most people believe that it takes a significant amount of time leading up to the moment your life changes.
It doesn't.
All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage and the world opens up before your eyes.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Shame is probably the most prevalent emotion around today. It's sold to us through the media. It's used as a tool for control. Social media amplifies shaming with its global reach.
It's everywhere.
And it's garbage.
Shame comes from defining ourselves by the events that occur in our life. The things that happen are simply things that happen.
It is what it is and no more.
The first step to escaping the shame spiral is forgiveness. Forgiving others for the things they did to you but more importantly forgiving yourself.
Connect with Transform Radio -
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
Did you know you could change your emotional and physical state in an instant? Imagine how awesome it would feel if you could shift your state from nervous to confident or from sad to happy or from anxious to calm... all in the blink of an eye?
Listen in and learn how you can use this simple yet powerful tool to shift your emotional state, control your world, and boost your self confidence.
Connect with Transform Radio -
On Facebook , On Google+, On Twitter, On Pinterest, On iTunes (oh, and we love 5 star reviews!)
Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
As someone who has struggled with depression most of my life, figuring out how to recognize when my mood starts shifting and being able to manage my emotional and mental state was huge.
So, let's talk depression.
I'll share my story, my ups, my downs, my own personal experience and how I manage my emotional and mental state.
I'll also share what to do and, more importantly, what not to do or say if you know someone who struggles with depression.
There's a very specific reason for the outro music on the show. It's titled "Next Stop Everywhere" and symbolizes the infiinite possibilities in life that all start with making a decision. So, jump in your TARDIS and make the decision to go where you truly want be.
Mistakes. Most people are afraid to make them, so they live boring little mistake free lives that are full of doubts and regrets. Making mistakes is a part of growing, it shows you're willing to step outside your comfort zone and take chances. If you go through life avoiding making mistakes, it'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made.
Tonight Charlotte takes over the lab and delivers a female perspective on dating, relationships, and what a "good woman" really is.
It isn't the Susie Homemaker vision of the 1950's nor is it faking it, wearing an uncomfortable media creation of what a "good woman" is.
Listen in as Charlotte delivers a powerful episode on empowerment, confidence, and how compromising yourself for the sake of a relationship is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Check out Charlotte at MomsWithAPassion.com and be sure to look out for her podcast launching in the near future.
Connect with Transform Radio -
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
If you don't reward yourself and are just waiting for someone else to reward you, you could be waiting a long, long time and end up discouraged that nobody is noticing how awesome you're doing.
It doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, but take the time to reward yourself for the awesome progress you're making. It builds your confidence, your self-esteem, and it gets you hooked.
Once you're hooked, you're gonna want more.... and how do you get more?
More progress.
See where this is going?
Connect with me:
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence. - Norman Vincent Peale
Stress and worry never changes anything. It only causes tension, health problems, and damages relationships.
Focus on what's truly important...the immeasurable, the priceless, and don't sweat the small stuff, because in the end...it's all small stuff.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
An article from Slate crossed my Facebook feed today that really gets it wrong. The article claims that the mantra "Do what you love. Love what you do." somehow devalues work and is the reason for all of the evil in the world today.
Doing what you love is the key to success. It's the key to fulfillment. It's what drives you to get out of bed in the morning, work harder and longer than anyone else, and creates those people who change the world.
If you do what you love and love what you do, then tweet the link to this podcast to @Slate with the hashtag #DWYL and let them know that doing what you love makes you come alive and that your life is defined by more than the amount of your paycheck.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for listening and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
A discussion with my daughter got me to thinking about the whole "everyone gets a ribbon" philosophy. At the end of your life, do you want a bunch of participation ribbons or do you want a bunch of cool photos, memories, scars, and a couple of well earned trophies to tell the story of your life?
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Most people take the shotgun approach to taking action. They lack the focus on their goals needed in order to make their actions meaningful. When people take meaningless actions, it can lead to meaningless lives. Lives full of frustration, disappointment, resentment, and resignation.
The key to meaningful action is to both be clear about what you want and also be sure that your values and beliefs are in line with each other and congruent with who you are.
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Via Email @ christian@transformingmonday.com
Thanks for visiting and have a fantastic day, rockstar. Remember… it is what it is and the next stop is anywhere you decide it to be.
The riddle of Cottleston Pie from Winnie The Pooh, is a meditation on accepting our strengths, our weaknesses, and understanding what our own inner nature is.
A fly can't bird but a bird can fly... understand who you are and what you were made for.
A fish can't whistle and neither can I... understand your limitations, and learn to accept and, if desired, change them.
Why does a chicken? ... Why do you do what you do? Why do you make the same choices over and over? Why do you repeat the same patterns in your life?
Understanding yourself is the key to learning how to get where and what you want out of life.
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Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh is always busy. He runs around from task to task, never really taking time to appreciate where he is or who he is with. In Tao of Pooh, Rabbit is the "Bisy Backson".
You've heard it said that life is all about the journey, not the destination. Well, if you're like Rabbit, you'll miss the most important things in life that are often right in front of your face.
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Looking for that 'special someone'?
Tired of the seemingly endless string of failed relationships?
Trust me.... it's not them, it's you.
Take a page from "The Married Guy's Guide To Dating" and find the happiness you deserve.
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We took a trip to Kennedy space Center today, and one thing stood out.
The space program was a triumph of those who dreamed big, who dared to dream impossible dreams.
In today's pessimistic world, we need more dreamers, more crazy ones, more people who believe nothing is impossible.
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Don't Be Piglet
“The play-it-safe pessimists of the world never accomplish much of anything, because they don't look clearly and objectively at situations, they don't recognize or believe in their own abilities to overcome even the smallest amount of risk.”
They say that leaders are readers. One book that impacted my life, and I know will impact yours, is the Tao of Pooh.
In today's episode, we discuss not being Piglet when it comes to facing the fear that comes with trying new things. Piglet, as the photo above says, hesitates. He's worried about what could happen.
When we try new things, fear and worry naturally come into play. We worry about what could happen, we worry about what others might say, we worry about what people could think of us if we're not successful.
All of these things, these presuppositions, stop us from living the lives we truly desire.
Don't be Piglet.
Don't worry about what others could think or say because, honestly, they'll be sniping at you no matter if your successful or not simply because they lack the courage to go after their dreams.
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So, it's the second day of the New Year.... are you already overwhelmed? Are you looking at your list of goals/outcomes for the year and wondering how you're ever going to get them accomplished?
We all do.
What can make you different than 70% of the rest of the world is not quitting by Feburary 1st.
Yep, that's true. 70% of the people who make New Year's Resolutions have quit by February 1st. Some of the reasons are:
- They're overwhelmed
- They have no plan
- They have no discipline
- They see one failure as the end of everything
- Their resolutions are incongruent with who they are.
Don't be that person.
Don't be the person that stumbles once and quits.
I promise you, if you grind it out during the tough times, you'll be rewarded beyond your expectations.
Remember - Your growth is more about who you want to be and not just about what you want to do.
Join me on the journey and I promise, 6 months from now, you won't recognize who you used to be.
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So your life isn't where you thought it would be 12 months ago. You're still struggling with the same challenges, stuck in the same job, living in the same place, etc., and it seems like for all you've 'done' this year...
...not one thing has changed.
It's time. Time to have that difficult conversation with yourself. Time to be brutally honest with yourself and own up to the reality that it is your choices, your decisions, that are responsible for you being where you are.
I know nobody really wants to hear that. They'd rather blame other people and things outside of themselves for everything that's gone wrong in their lives.
Fact is, you're the only person present at every disaster in your life.
You're responsible for you.
Nobody else.
If you're not where you want to be, then it's time to have that difficult conversation.
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It's not what you say...it's how you say it We've all heard that saying before, and you know what? It's 100% true.
As a communicator, you are responsible not only for what you say, but for how your message is received.
Over the last 36 hours, the kerfuffle over Duck Dynasty has given us a real life example of how not to express your opinions, especially when it comes across in a destructive, not constructive way.
Now, just like Phil Robertson, each of us absolutely has not only the right to our own opinions, but to express them. We do not, however, have the right to be free of the consequences of what we say.
So, the next time you're in a delicate position and have to deliver a delicate message, be delicate with your words so your message isn't lost in translation.
70% Of New Year's Resolutions Fail True.
Seven out of ten of you who make resolutions will be back to your old you by February 1st, if not sooner.
Why?
Simple...they're too vague, they're too big, and you don't have a plan. And a goal without a plan is just a wish...
....and you know what wishing will get you.
This year, do it differently. Take a little time to give yourself an honest self-evaluation. Honestly reflect and think about what you want 2014 to bring...then.. make a plan on how you're going to get there.
Make them flexible, be ready to edit them as time passes...don't get stuck on a single path as running into roadblocks can lead you to giving up on what you really want.
Between now and New Year's Eve, I'm offering a free 30 minute coaching call to assist you in doing just that. Consider it my holiday gift to you. Just send me and email at christian@transformingmonday.com, visit us at Facebook.com/TransformingMonday, or tweet me at twitter.com/xformmonday, and I'll make sure you hit the ground running in 2014.
Tonight's sponsor: Qivana. Lose the weight you want and keep it off. Check out their products and, if getting healthy is your goal, let me know how I can assist you.
So, you want to be an entrepreneur...be your own boss.
Congrats on making the first decision to set yourself free.
Now... that being said, there are some things you'll need to know, be aware of, as you journey into freedom-land. Successful entrepreneurs all have certain traits such as: consistency, dedication, fearless, trainable, ambitious... things not normally part of the human psyche.
Join Charlotte and I as we talk about these traits, why they're important, and the importance of finding the right opportunity for you.
Being an entrepreneur is sweet, sweet freedom.
It's also a lifestyle, a mindset, and the scariest, most exhilirating thing anyone can do with their life.
Remember...it is what it is....and the next stop is truly anywhere you decide it to be.
Show Sponsored by A Transformed You - Looking to lose weight or fight the effects of aging, check out ATransformedYou.com to see how YOU can start your path to better health today.
Check out Charlotte's blog at MomsWithAPassion.com
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In this world of information overload, where everything is at our fingertips, our desire for instant gratification often impedes our path to personal growth.
Personal growth is a life-long journey that takes patience, discipline, awareness, and constant focus.
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Lao Tzu”
The language we use creates our reality. There are 5 words in particular that create a dull, drab reality that is guaranteed to lead to a life of regret.
Listen to this episode to learn what those 5 words are and what two phrases you can immediately replace them with to start creating massive change and the life you always "wanted".
Nobody likes to be criticized.
Nobody.
However, if you have relationships with people who hold you accountable, then criticism is an inevitable part of that relationship's dialogue.
Tonight we focus not on how to deliver criticism (that'll be in a future episode), but on how to receive and accept criticism without nuking the relationship.
There are 3 simple things you can do to be better at accepting criticism AND ensure the integrity of the relationship stays strong.
Listen in to find out what they are.
Yes, that time of year is once again upon us...the beginning of the holiday season. It's that time of year where we are easily overwhelmed with all we have to do, and easily stressed because of...oh, so many reasons.
Tonight we talk about the two types of people: Kairos (event/moment/relationship) oriented people Chronos (linear time/Type A) oriented people.
Being a chronos oriented person, it's easy to get overwhelmed when the schedule gets full and when schedules aren't kept.
Kairos people can let time get away because they're more 'in the moment' and end up stressed because they're confused as to where the time went.
Listen to how Charlotte (kairos) and I (chronos) work on balancing the two when things get crazy. Find out how we set schedules, say no, don't commit to things we can't do, and how we keep our schedules open to allow for spontaneity in a season where free time can be a luxury.
We've often talked about how relationships can be strained, particularly when you're on a journey of personal growth. Others don't understand you, they're confused as to why you're not the same person they've always known, and perhaps they're taken aback by your new-found confidence....
...and this can strain, and even break, long-standing relationships. Particularly with those closest to you.
What do you do when you want to see about healing those relationships? You can't go back to the way things were...yet you're unsure about how to proceed.
Honesty....and honest communication without judgement...are the keys to taking those first steps.
Listen to this episode to find out how relationships can be healed, whether you're the one hurt or the one who did the hurting.
Rumors and the Damage Done Hey Rockstars!
In our lives, we've all either been subject of or have even spread rumors. They've either hurt us or given us a sense of power and belonging by "knowing" some juicy bit of information about someone else.
Problem is, rumors are often false information. They're based on one person's observation without fact-checking that observation with the subject of the rumor.
Listen to tonight's episode to find out:
- the major reasons rumors get spread
- how to combat rumors
- how to quench rumors with one simple question
Tonight's Sponsor: ATransformedYou.Com - Join my team and transform your life, your health, and your financial situation all for about $3 a day.
Remember... It is what it is....and the next stop is truly anywhere you decide it to be.
Quitters Never Win Nobody ever reached their own personal finish line by quitting half way through the race.
No seed ever sprouted without being watered and cared for.
Your dreams are the same way.
In order to make your life "all killer, no filler", you must be willing to do the impossible. You've got to face failure and not let it beat you. You've got to be so determined to get what you want out of life, that it's as necessary as breathing.
You must also have patience. Success doesn't happen overnight. It's the culmination of the blood, sweat, and tears you put into making things happen.
On this episode, we discuss facing failure, why visualization without action is a waste of time, and the importance of never...NEVER giving up.
Tonight's sponsor: ATransformedYou.com - Want to explode all areas of your life for less than the cost of a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte a day? Visit A Transformed You to find out how.
Everyone Has A Story From the beginning of time, stories have been at the center of the human experience. Even before man could talk we've shared stories. Cave paintings, fables, parables, art, song...all of these and so many more allow us to express our unique stories in unique ways.
Your story is just as unique as you are yet parts of your story are the stories of thousands of other people. Your challenges, your successes, your failures...they make you uniquely you yet allow you to connect with others.
What's your story? For every person that shares their story, there are hundreds more who wish they had half the courage as the one sharing their story.
You owe it to the world to share your story.
Today's sponsor: The MMB60 Total Transformation Program. Give us 60 days and we'll totally transform your health, your life, and your financial situation. Click this link for more information, connect with me, and join my team.
As always, connect with us on Twitter or Facebook and be sure to visit Transforming Monday for the latest.
In a recent post on the Transforming Monday Blog, I talked about "honesty without compassion". This is when we communicate bluntly using phrases like:
- I’m just being honest.
- I just say it like it is.
- You know me… I’m blunt.
...or the #1 answer... "I was just trying to help!"
The problem when we communicate these statements without compassion is that we often end up offending and insulting the person we're communicating with. We invalidate what they are feeling because these phrases are interpreted as "I'm right, you're wrong".
If we're going to communicate effectively, especially in difficult circumstances, then rapport building is a skill that needs to be learned.
Building rapport allows us to connect with the other person, getting past the outer defenses we all have, and allows us to communicate more effectively.
On this episode, Charlotte from Moms With A Passion, again joins me as we discuss the importance of building rapport so that we can gain permission to communicate and, at the same time, understand the boundaries we and others have.
We discuss simple ways to build rapport, such as:
- Communicating in the other person's language (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic)
- How agreeing with them lowers their defenses
- How physical movement can build and/or break rapport and change the pace of the conversation.
These simple techniques are easily put into practice in your daily life and you will astonish people with your awesome communication skills.
We'd love to hear from you about tonight's show.
Connect with us:
On Facebook at TransformingMonday
On Twitter at XformMonday
Via email at christian@transformingmonday.com
Tonight's show was sponsored by ATransformedYou.com. If you're looking to totally upgrade your life, physically, financially, or emotionally, visit A Transformed You and see how you can do it in just 60 days.
Finding that reason, that "Why", that drives you to change some facets of your life is what every motivational and inspirational speaker, book, seminar, etc., tells you is absolutely vital to changing your life.
It's true.
Most people find a "why" that only interests them in making changes. They'll read a book, watch a movie, attend a seminar, and then inevitably fade back into their boring, ho-hum, average life.
Why?
Their life doesn't suck enough to force them to dig deep and find that "why" that pushes them to from interested to committed. Finding the right "why" is the difference between "I'd like to" and "I have to". The right why develops a sense of urgency, of desperation, that that thing in your life has to change.
Reflecting on the last 12 months, in which I made some Earth shaking life changes, I realized for years my 'why' was a wimpy why and that's why my life was miserable. It wasn't until things got more painful than the pain of changing my life did I become committed to making changes.
Listen as I share my story of how I went from interested to committed and how that "why" is again burning deep within my gut.
Transformation Radio is sponsored by http://atransformedyou.com
You work hard, taking on new challenges to prove yourself, demonstrating your skill, your talent, your ability to perform at a higher level than anyone else around you and then one day it happens...
...you look around and realize your life is completely out of balance and you're nowhere near your ultimate outcome and you couldn't find the path with a flashlight and a 6 man searching party.
You've become a prisoner of your own success. Trapped at a stop along the way because of how awesome you are.
Listen to this episode and hear how a 30 minute meeting with John Terhune made me realize how I've become a prisoner of my own success and what I, and you, can do to break free from those chains.
John Terhune's Attitude Pump: http://www.attitudepump.com/page/page/8819016.htm
Transformation Radio is sponsored by http://atransformedyou.com
People say "The grass is greener on the other side"...and it is. It's greener for one of two reasons:
1) It's been well fertilized in manure
-or-
2) It's been well taken care of, manicured, weeded, and loved.
Most people spend their lives running away from things... from bad jobs, from bad boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. They run away to greener grass because they're attracted to the smell of the manure. Whether it's a new car, new job, new city, new relationship... if you're running away from what you have, you're being pulled by the smell of crap and, well, you'll end up smelling like manure.
If you have a concrete vision of what your life to be like, you're running towards something...and the greener grass will be all yours and, honestly, the envy of the neighborhood.
Standards are one thing...expectations are another. You can't walk into your job expecting everyone to recognize your genius. You can't expect others to do things the way you would. You can't expect others to process information or communicate the way you would.
If you do, you're being unfair to them.
It's as if you're telling them the way they think, communicate, and live isn't good enough...
Do you have unrealistic expectations of others? Of yourself?
Don't set yourself up for disappointment and failure by creating expectations of failure, of worry, of stress, or are just simply unrealistic.
Being perfect, or feeling the need to be perfect, is something that plagues all of us. For me, it began in 2nd grade and was a limiting belief I killed within the last few years.
Additionally, mix Sheldon, Leonard, and Raj in a blender, and that was me.
Feeling like one has to be perfect kills the dreams of the crazy ones, the freaks and weirdos that change the world.
This week's sponsor is http://atransformedyou.com
Do you not care what other people think...or not care what other people think? Believe it or not, there really is a difference. One is not allowing others' opinions to run your life, while the other is a narcissistic, egotistical dismissal of other peoples' opinions.
Learning to strike the balance between the two is essential for healthy growth, healthy relationships, and a healthy you.
As always, Transforming Monday is sponsored by http://atransformedyou.com.
So, you think that raise, that promotion, that new job will be the thing that makes your life pitch perfect. Before too long, though, you're sitting at your desk at the end of a long week asking yourself "What the hell did I get myself into?" and "How in the hell did this happen?"
Yep, we've all been there. Some of us numerous times.
Listen and learn how to distinguish between building a career and building a life, why one can easily overtake and destroy the other, and how to prevent your tombstone from saying "I wish I spent more time at the office".
Everyone hates this interview question... mostly because they haven't given any thought to what they want their life to look like beyond getting the job they're applying for.
However, this question holds the key to finding the path you need to travel.
Defining the life you want, down to the most minute of details, exposes the path you need to travel. It enlightens you on what skills you may need to learn, the types of people you need to network with, and, honestly, motivates you to get off your ass and move in the direction you want to go.
It's inevitable that along your journey to becoming the you you want to be and creating the life you want to live, you're going to run into haters. Haters are those who tell you you're fooling yourself, you're an idiot, you can't do it... they're bound and determined to drag you back down to their level.
Turn that Hater-ade into fuel to push you even higher. Use their words to motivate you whenever things are tough and you're feeling like giving up. It'll be sure to give you that kick in the pants just when you need it.
Most people fail in setting outcomes and milestones because they set them too big, and never make it, or too small and they aren't motivated.
Find that sweet spot of achievable, challenging, and rewarding milestones to meet along the path towards your big, audacious goal and you'll be amazed how easy the road will be.
Fear stops us from asking for what we want and going after what we truly desire. Fear creates those presuppositions, those movies in our head of a future that hasn't come yet. Fear causes us to make excuses. Fear makes us comfortable and forces us to settle.
Find out how the three words "...and then what?" can shift your thinking and smash those excuses and fears that hold you back.
We've all felt that way...that we're the only ones keeping a positive outlook while everyone else around us is spewing negativity like a 76 Datsun burning oil. Admittedly, it's difficult. That's where the power of visualization and the encouragement of sharing your story with others who are now going through, or have been through, what you're dealing with right now.
Misery loves company, that's true. Yet it can also be the strongest foundation to build community on.
A special Independence Day Weekend episode of Transformation Radio. The year is half over, and where are you on meeting your goals, your New Year's Resolutions? Are you still stuck in the same routines? Did you start out like gangbusters but fall back into your old patterns? Well, take this weekend to declare your independence from all the bullshit in your past, from having to be someone everyone else expects you to be, from all those things holding you back.
I'm gonna share a little secret. I'm not perfect. I screw up from time to time, but recently I screwed up...big time...that sort of life altering screw up.
Hear how badly I screwed up, how I got to the point I screwed up, and how I, and you, can begin to repair the damage, learn the lesson, and discover how to recognize when you're headed for disaster.
Eventually we're all going to run into periods where we begin to doubt our growth, our change, when relationships that are very near and dear to us cause us to doubt ourselves.
Grieving the change in or even the loss of those relationships is a very real thing. Listen to hear my story about grieving the change in my relationships with my parents and how I'm dealing with it.
When wondering why we're treated so horribly by bosses, coworkers, family, friends, significant others.... it's often because we've taught them it's ok to treat us that way. Our standards are too low, we demand too little of ourselves, and we allow ourselves to be treated poorly.
In this episode, I share how I allowed myself to be treated like someone's "Plan B" for years, how I got out of it, and what awesome stuff happened once I demanded more of myself and from others.
Control freaks and micromanagers. We all know one, live with one, work with or for one, or are one. The question is "why is controlling how things are done a bad thing?" Well, it's demotivating to your family, your employees, your friends. It erodes trust in the superior/subordinate relationship. It builds resentment between spouses or between parents and children.
Is your need to have things done "your way" more important than the relationship you're trying to control? If it is, then you're doing it wrong.
Listen as I talk about my own experiences working for micromanagers, overcoming my own need to control, and how you can salvage sanity in times of "control stress".
Conflict is unavoidable. Parent/Child, Supervisor/Subordinate, all relationships will inevitably face conflict. The question is, how can you manage conflict without it destroying or damaging the relationship.
Listen to Christian explain some simple rules and simple techniques for managing conflict and dealing with people looking to be confrontational.
Analytical types typically suffer from paralysis by analysis. They always need more data, more comparisons, more thing to think about before they make a decision. Naturally, the decision rarely comes and the thinker believes they're making progress as long as more data is collected. The problem is that this isn't progress, it's imaginary momentum.
Momentum only comes from action, not from analysis. The best way to get momentum is to start making decisions, taking action, and following through. Even if it's just deciding what you're going to eat and taking the action to eat it, that creates more momentum than thinking about it.
The ability to reframe, or repurpose, negative events in your life is a skill everyone should learn. Being able to reframe the "crap" that happens to us allows us to get beyond defining ourselves as those events, and turn them into learning experiences. On this episode, Charlotte and I teach you what happens subconsciously when an event happens, how we end up defining ourselves as those events, and how and what you can change.
This is a skill that can be used for events caused by our choices, events caused by other people's choices, and by events completely out of our control. It's a skill that adults and children should learn.
Don't try to win over the haters...You're not the jackass whisperer!
As you continue along your personal development journey and continue to grow, continue to gain confidence, continue to become more decisive, more self assured, you're virtually guaranteed to pick up some haters. Whether they're friends, acquaintances, or even family, there are going to be those who are resentful of you because you aren't who you used to be.
Don't try to win them over... you can't. All you can be is who you are, and that's not the jackass whisperer.
Saying NO is the hardest thing for us to do. It causes us to commit to things we don't want to do and builds resentment for ourselves and for/in others.
In this episode, I teach you how to say no for two reasons:
1) Maintain healthy relationships 2) So you can be/do what you want to be/do.
If you want to be successful, you have to surround yourself with successful people. You become what you're most around, and if you're around people who specialize in soul crushing negativity, you're never going to be who you want to be.
By surrounding yourself with winners, you begin to become more congruent between what you believe and what you live. This adds credibility to you and will propel your success even further.
Before you can make any progress in life, you have to kill, maim, and utterly destroy your limiting beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations.
Limiting beliefs are like the trolls under the bridge that refuse to let you pass from your old life to your new. Learn a quick exercise that will allow you to become the troll that won't let your limiting beliefs follow you into your future.
It's been a helluva week. The news is full of horror and sadness, and the world is full of fear, anger, and angry words. In all times, especially the emotional times, we need to be aware of the words we use, the power they really have, and the damage they can do.
As we become aware of our communicative skill level, we can realize that we've gone around for years offending people and not even knowing it.
The challenge this week is to be aware of the words we use, the power they have, and not only what we say, but how it can be interpreted by those we're communicating to.
Every generation has its own language, its own dialect...but something is different about the upcoming generation. Perhaps due to the overstimulation of the world around them, kids today seem to speak in sentences of 140 characters or less.. no context, no reference, and no flow.
Join Christian and his wife Charlotte as they talk about their own teen age kids, their communication breakdowns, and how they are teaching their kids the lost art of conversation.
It's extraordinarily rare that you or I can pick up a new skill, a new tool, a new technique, and instantly be an expert. That's ok. In fact, it's perfectly natural to not be good at something new. Learning through application helps to make a stronger imprint of what were learning on our neural patterns and muscle memory.
The important thing when learning a new skill, etc., is that you don't give up right away. Naturally we all want to be experts right out of the gate. However, what you'll find is that what you learn along the way to becoming a "natural" can be more powerful, more impactful for you and others than simply what you've learned.
All the tools, strategies, and personal development in the world isn't going to change your life unless you apply it and get off your a$$ and do something.
We all know someone like my coworker who is always complaining about how horrible everything is but doesn't ever do anything about it. Those people prefer to be miserable and it's fear that keeps them from getting off their a$$es and taking charge of their life.
In 2012, I decided to get off my a$$ and ended up moving from Arizona to Florida and hitting every single outcome I set for myself. In 2013, buoyed by the success of 2012, I'm shooting for even bigger things.
It can be your year, too... if you want it.
One of the not so glamorous parts of changing your life is the inevitable death of your old life. Whether it's personally, professionally, physically (health-wise), emotionally, spiritually, or relationship-ally, there are parts that are going to have to die for you to keep growing.
In some cases, letting it die won't be enough, you'll have to kill them.... like wooden stake to the heart, shot with silver bullets, making a garlic necklace, put some concrete shoes on it kill it.
These things won't be easy, but if you want to get to where you want to go, you're going to have to go through hell.
Everyone knows an Eeyore, someone who can suck the life out of a room, who always sees the dark cloud instead of the silver lining...someone whose outlook on life is negative and it's reflected in the words they use.
Getting rid of your inner Eeyore and Eeyore tendencies is as simple as making a decision.
Daily affirmations can assist you in shifting your mindset and your focus from the negative in life to the positive.
For the two transitory weeks between Arizona and Florida, I was unemployed and homeless. It was the most liberating two weeks I'd had in forever. The freedom that comes with with knowing that no matter whether or not the decision you make works out that you can always make another choice is one of the keys to a creating an abundant life.
Ever have that retail or restaurant experience that just seemed sub-par? I mean the service is bad, the food is bad, etc., to the point you think to yourself "I should talk to someone in charge about this"?
The question is, did you?
Did you take actions to meet the standards you've set or did you settle for what they gave you?
The standards you have, both for yourself and others, determine what kind of life you'll have. However, having standards is only half the equation. The other half is being uncompromising about those standards. You deserve to get what you want and if you settle for less... you'll settle for a life that's less than what you deserve.
Ever listen to someone speak and just be dumbfounded by the word salad coming from their mouth? Or have you had difficulty reaching others, seeing them stare at you like you have three heads while you're speaking? Then perhaps you or people you know are great talkers but lousy communicators.
Communication is a skill, and everyone communicates in their own style. In this episode, we talk about three styles, and how you can begin to recognize and, more importantly, communicate with those who are of a different style than you. These tips will put you on a path to eliminating "failures to communicate" from your life.
When people like Tony Robbins say "to create change in your life, you have to take massive action" does it scare the bejeezus out of you? It used to scare me, too, but I learned how to overcome that fear. Listen and learn the 3 steps to creating change that exercise your decision muscle so you can move from little steps outside your comfort zone to taking massive action that leaves your comfort zone in a cloud of dust.
Sometimes in life, crap just happens. Learning "It is what it is" teaches us that those things don't define us, they're just moments in time, learning experiences, that are exactly what they need to be, when they need to be, to teach us what they need to teach us.
An introduction to Transforming Monday, our philosophy, why Mondays shouldn't suck, and how I got from Arizona to Florida via Hawaii in only 3 months.