We Fix The League: Recent Episodes
Daniel O'Connell & Andre Pegeron
Hey pals! Isn't it fun to talk sports with your friends? Comedians and lifelong sports fans Daniel O'Connell & Andre Pegeron discuss NFL football with funny tangents along the way. If you want smart and insightful sports takes that also make you laugh, this is the podcast for you. Thanks for being a pal!
First things first, we want your feedback! Let us know what you want to hear as we move into the offseason. We cannot stress enough how accommodating we are.
Twitter: @andrepegeron @danielofconnell.
Email: infalliblesportspals@gmail.com
In this year-end recap, we talk headlines:
-They played all the games
-Tom Brady is the GOAT and we kinda hate it but are kinda relieved
We talk individual awards, including:
-Too much talent at the Aaron position
-We have ALWAYS had Justin “Rainbowsh” Herbert’s back
We go division-by-division, handing out team awards including the:
-Reduced Smooches Award
-Jansport Backpack “Carry the Team” Award
-Tide Clean Jerseys Award
-And a special award for the team that won it all
That’s it for this season! We’re taking a couple weeks off.
Thanks for being a pal in 2020-2021!
BANTER: We become experts in Horse Law. We apply our knowledge of Horse Law to discuss parking, density, and zoning as they relate to community.
(23:40) Dog - NFL player pun name segment
(30:26) Football time!
We talk about Super Bowl LV in Tampa and what it means to host the Super Bowl in Florida (please remember to keep your gatherings below 24,836 people).
About the game itself, we discuss:
-”We are dang nostradamuses” once again -The Bucs D -Tom Brady’s legacy as an elite asshole -Patrick Mahomes threw the greatest incomplete passes of all time -The Weeknd’s halftime show (1:15:00)
We still have a “season recap” episode left to go, but with the season coming to an end, we are looking to shape the future of the podcast. And you, dear listener, can shape it with your hands! Reach out to us on Twitter: @danielofconnell @andrepegeron. What do you like? What do you not like? Any requests? Let us know, pals!
That’s all! Thanks for being a pal!
Andre and Dan break down the Super Bowl, why American cities are poorly designed, and the prop bets you should know for the upcoming Puppy Bowl
Nothing in this episode or show notes is intended as financial advice. Also, hold GME, you cowards.
BANTER: We discuss the Highlander movie franchise and our preferred combat maneuvers (hint: lots of cowardice). Then, we critique the stock market, business incentives, and the cultural values surrounding them. How do we move forward when these systems are so flawed? Andre discusses a small local politics win as a model.
(1:03:20) We discuss last weekend’s AFC and NFC championship games.
Bucs-Packers: We predicted the future. The Bucs won. The Packers made yet another terrible decision.
Chiefs-Bills: America is sad. Mahomes is happy. The Chiefs only need to play 1 good quarter of football. Again we called it.
Super Bowl preview to come next week.
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An intro discussion about walkable communities, college campuses, and the politics of fulfillment.
(37:46) We break down the four games in order:
Rams-Packers: We are open about hating the Packers
Bills-Ravens: What can the Ravens do to build for next season? How cute are the Bills? Very cute.
Chiefs-Browns: Let Chad Henne play in the Super Bowl.
Bucs-Saints: The Bucs should sign Drew Brees' son to play receiver.
We look forward to championship weekend. Only 3 football games left!
As always: @andrepegeron and @danielofconnell on twitter.
Thanks for being a pal!
We talk about poop (sorry) and then we talk about sandwiches and football.
In order:
Bills-Colts
Seahawks-Rams
WFT-Bucs
Titans-Ravens
Saints-Bears (with Nickelodeon broadcast breakdown)
Steelers-Browns
We give our predictions for the next round including spicy takes of the week.
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BANTER: We arrange a meet ‘n greet. Pleasant!
(5:38) TANK LEAGUE: We toss a li’l bone to the bad teams in the league. Then they fight over the bone. Whoops.
(56:20) PLAYOFFS: We break down the games and give our predictions, including our SPICY Super Bowl predictions!
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OPENING BANTER: Dan, have you seen Soul? Also: Christmas media, please invest in Twumbo, and this NSYNC video: https://www.bustle.com/p/the-one-nsync-music-video-youve-probably-never-seen-59643
(18:58) Dwayne Haskins CUT.
(24:48) Detroit Lions coaching staff wasn’t there due to COVID. Was it any different?
We talk about the league’s talent inequality problem and the world’s income inequality problem.
(41:11) How can we use storytelling to help fix some of the woes of culture? We talk parables, fables, rabbits, and whatever the plural of moose is.
(1:19:03) How will the draft order shake out? How will the playoff picture shake out? How will my etch-a-sketch shake out?
(1:32:36) Spicy Takes of the Week & Proverbial shoutouts
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BANTER: Growth spurts, aging, and athleticism.
(9:48) Dwayne Haskins is kinda the only thing going on. The COVID-19 Shadow Council reconvenes to give him a reckoning and FIX the league to account for this kind of chicanery. America’s #1 apolitical socialist sports show brings you a new policy proposal: Universal Ambiance.
(39:26) The TANK BOWL is still a great idea. The Jets won which is good but bad.
(52:50) GOING ROGUE: It’s mainly about the theme song, but also we look at the coach who got fired this week for GOING ROGUE. We also talk about pokemon.
Nobody cares about the Pro Bowl.
(1:10:53) Spicy Takes of the Week
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Banter: We talk non-fruit foods vis-a-vis the Christmas/Halloween spirit. We also have a PAL VS PAL debate on open borders.
(37:37) Book Chat: “The Immortality Key” The pals discuss the mysteries of Eleusis, altered states of consciousness, how to instill communal values in people, and developing a program that definitely isn’t but certainly sounds like drug-induced state brainwashing.
(1:07:39) The only football game There is no NFL news this year, so we just talk about Browns-Ravens, the only game that happened. The one big question: Did Lamar Jackson go for two in his pants? We discuss.
BANTER: Andre eats dinner and we talk about movies. An uninformed conversation about the FDA.
(23:32) Headline of the week: Ron Rivera says Mountain Dew and Taco Bell helped him get through cancer treatment. What’s your taco bell order? We end up talking about food fads and cryptocurrency.
(49:32) WE FIX THE LEAGUE PRESENTS: TANK BOWL!!!!!!!
We’ve alluded to it before, but here it is: the OFFICIAL rules for the TANK BOWL. Mediocre teams are incentivized to lose to get a better draft pick...but no more! Free BONUS championship included.
(1:27:00) QUICK HITS
-Follow the money, Sheeple: Tyrod Taylor did NOT file a grievance against the doctor that punctured his lung.
-Are the Pittsburgh Steelers DONE?
-Spicy Takes of the Week
BANTER: We consider rebranding 700 times and talk a bit o' politics. WFTL
BOOK CLUB: "Range" by David Epstein has convinced us that nobody knows anything and you should quit your job to be like Roger Federer. ONLY
STORYLINE OF THE WEEK: In a series of mishaps usually reserved for the silent film era, the Broncos didn't have a quarterback for Sunday's game.
FOOTBALL SUCKS: Why does football kinda suck this year? The pals dive in to some theories.
SPICY TAKES OF THE WEEK: Pretty spicy.
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It's Thanksgiving, we ain't doing no show notes! We Talk NFL sillies and Thanksgiving sillies over the din of a packed Bakersfield, CA Buffalo Wild Wings
Banter: We talk social media marketing, institutional racism, and education reform. Y’know, fun stuff.
(22:56) NBA Draft. Dan gives his #1 reason the NBA draft is more awkward than the NFL draft.
(35:25) We found a conversation online about taking shrooms during the NFL draft and it’s bonkers.
(49:53) HAIL MURRAY! Cardinals over Bills. We properly assign Catholic prayers to football plays. Is DeAndre Hopkins having a career year? Checking in on the red hot NFC West.
(1:10:06) Lions defeat the Football Team and boy was it Lionsy. NFC East check-in including a coach getting fired for being in a fistfight and being replaced by an all-name team contender. We Fix the League introduces “Mutiny Friday.” (1:22:24) NFC North check-in and “quick hits of the week” with some funny moments during Jags-Packers. A conspiracy to bring down the Vikings. We try to fix income inequality.
(1:35:00) Denver is bad, which is good! (1:37:50) Cool Pal Look of the Week! And the mononym “Herbert.” Shaking our head at a missed opportunity for a lateral.
(1:47:25) Are the Baltimore Ravens DONE? Plus spicy takes of the week, shout outs, and we’re done.
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BANTER: Discussing technology, parenting, Oklahoma City, and BEES.
(13:33) Trevor Lawrence might go to the Jets and it sucks. Let’s send him somewhere cool. We discuss how to make the league more star-centric by forming the “QB Assignment Council.” Also QBs should get to pick their team’s name.
(37:43) Talking about the labor rights of quarterbacks leads us to dip into our politics and social justice for a bit. “Still the Internet’s #1 Apolitical Socialist Sports Show.”
(52:47) Steelers/Cowboys: We cannot, SHALL not, allow our players to stifle the celebrations of our other players.
(56:52) Raiders/Chargers: Sorry Donald. Return of “Cool Pal Look of the Week.”
(59:48) Dolphins/Cardinals: Kyler, Lefty, and Prideful Nuggets
(1:07:49) Panthers/Chiefs: Teddy Bridgewater with the jump of the season. And the Chiefs still win.
(1:15:00) Broncos/Falcons: Jerry Jeudy with the fake of the week. He’s good.
(1:16:57) Tompa Bay / Drew Orleans: Are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers DONE?
(1:22:51) Spicy Takes of the Week.
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Dan and Andre talk politics. What’s going on in America? What should our political goals and values be? What can we do to contribute to this immense project? We really laid our hearts and minds out in the open here and we hope what we said resonates with someone. Let us know what you agree or disagree with on twitter: @andrepegeron and @danielofconnell.
(1:10:50) The football talk starts.
Trade deadline: Basically nobody got traded, so the pals talk about the trades that SHOULD have happened. Dan suggests an intricate Houston-Chicago trade and Andre muses about how we could encourage good QBs on bad teams to find greener pastures with a system called “We Fix The League: Break in Case of Trade Emergency.”
(1:34:37) Week 8 Breakdown
Ravens-Steelers: How legit is Lamar? Steelers defense looks great. Pats-Bills: Bill Belichick is still like 100 losses away from not being a genius. Browns-Raiders: We only have one thing to say. You know it’s coming. Broncos-Chargers: Drew Lock is a lock for continued Broncos mediocrity. SNF Cowboys-Eagles: The NFC East continues to innovate football ineptitude. Ben DiNucci is refreshingly honest about how hard football is. A “We Fix the League” involving kickoffs.
(1:56:03) To close out the show: Are the Bears done? (The Bears are done) followed by spicy takes of the week.
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Up top, we mainly just talk about IKEA furniture. Skol!
(7:41) Monday Night Football - Rams/Bears The game wasn't good but the commentators were. The Bears are a 5-2 dumpster fire. Akiem Hicks drinks 40 beers. A punter won player of the game. Time for a QB change in Chicago? But it's not who you think.
(26:39) Sunday Night Football - Seahawks/Cardinals Russ is a robot and Kyler is a child, but both just keep on winning. Differentiating teams 1a-1b-1c-1d in the NFC West. Then, a weight-related “We Fix the League” to encourage defensive innovation with linebackers.
(42:49) Finish of the Week - Lions/Falcons The “cooperation moment of the week” when everyone on the field wanted to score a touchdown. We break down the plays of Matthew Stafford’s 7-play, game-winning touchdown drive including ALL of the ways the refs tried to bone Detroit. DET x ATL for the sickest loss collab of all time. Time to pay Kenny Golladay and a discussion of receiver skillsets.
(1:10:45) Ohio’s Game of the Week - Browns/Bengals The Baker Mayfield chip theory rings eternal.
(1:13:03) Thursday Night Football - Eagles/Giants Carson Wentz is a madman. The Cowboys wheels keep falling off. We can’t stop talking about how bad the NFC East is.
Quick Hits (1:20:35) Andre requests medical amnesty for the guy who punctured Tyrod Taylor’s lung. (1:23:17) Just in case: Are the Titans done? Derrick Henry loses weight.
(1:27:57) Spicy Takes of the Week
Shout outs
Thanks for being a pal!
Intro banter: Yawns, CPR, the Beegees, 1980’s music, Grand Theft Auto.
(11:36) The “Other Sports Minute:” Dan teaches Andre what happened in the NBA. Jordan vs Lebron as the GOAT in the context of American exceptionalism & labor practices.
Onto football!
(25:58) COVID/Browns talk: OBJ says, “I don’t think COVID can get to me. I don’t think it’s going to enter this body. I don’t want no parts of it, it don’t want no parts of me. It’s a mutual respect.” As responsible sports journalists, we refuse to provide context.
(34:45) NFC East: Is it a competitive advantage to be in this terrible division where you only have to play against terrible teams? We discuss these teams, including the Cowboys whose season has come off the rails even though it started off the rails.
(46:47) What’s the worst team from another division that would win the NFC East? We talk about several mediocre teams that could be imaginary division champs.
(52:34) It’s Tua time, baby! Is he the most likeable Alabama player in the league? A “see you later” to Ryan Fitzpatrick and revisiting the Fitzpatrick gauntlet.
(1:03:55) We actually talk about good teams! Just like the Chiefs last week, the Packers are DONE! (Just in case. You heard it here first.)
Quick Hits:
(1:09:00) Stefon Diggs is hilarious.
(1:12:28) Fantasy Talk: An interesting development in Andre’s fantasy league requires a strange punishment.
(1:14:52) Salute to Service: Noted leftist activists Troy Aikman and Joe Buck make their stand.
(1:20:15) Spicy Takes of the Week: The pals keep gettin’ spicy.
Hey pals! In addition to catching our podcast here in your feed, you can watch us record it LIVE on Tuesdays at 7pm at http://twitch.tv/wefixtheleague. Time subject to change - check the twitch feed for more info.
INTRO BANTER: We talk about how we are going to punish our children, “the fruit minute,” and toaster regulations/oppression. Wikipedia list of colors: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_colors:_A–F
(19:00) The Titans had an outbreak and then practiced at a middle school. The NFL seems woefully unprepared for this thing that’s been going on since March. Our segment “The COVID-19 Shadow Council” looks at what would happen if the owners turned full villain.
(33:15) What if the Chicago Bears were real bears? What if all the teams were like this? Who would win the championship?
(40:00) Melvin Gordon preserves the Wisconsin spirit through reckless endangerment. Use code “dontgetaduiyoudumbrichperson” for 10% off your next lyft ride. Vote “NO” on California prop 22.
(45:50) Guaranteed Money talk. Leveon Bell gets fired and paid $24m, Dak gets injured and loses tens of millions. What is a league to do? Maybe start the no-cleats league?
(56:20) Mr. Unlimited keeps on winning. Russ for MVP? We pat ourselves on the back for predicting the Vikings collapse. In our bad coaching roundup, does Dan Quinn deserve any credit for the legion of boom? And there’s hope for the Lions, but do Lions fans want hope?
(1:05:00) Just in case: We are here to tell you that the Chiefs dynasty is OVER. But if not, nobody will remember this anyway. So we’re saying it just in case.
(1:08:12) NFL brings back the 90’s! Josh Allen and Justin Herbert are showing us that big is back!
(1:15:06) Headline of the Week: “Patriots Teammate’s Annoyed Wife Denies Cam Newton Dinner.” This headline makes no sense. Andre and Dan try to parse it. A friendly invitation? A weird cucking thing? Who knows.
(1:20:31) Spicy Takes of the Week: GET READY FOR YOUR SPICY TAKES.
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Week 4 Football Chat! Welcome back, Dan!
Intro Banter: We talk other sports and how to fix them. We make up some new ones along the way.
(16:46) We talk COVID outbreak. We talk about how the greedy owners will keep the season going no matter what, including the kind of bold and innovative solutions cha boys are known for.
(27:52) Lotta garbage teams! Aaron Rodgers yells “hard count” while decimating the Falcons and we apply this to other sports.
(38:59) Joe Burrow vs Gardner Minshew in the “likea-bowl.” The Jags kicker has an insane tattoo and we brainstorm other insane tattoos.
(59:42) RIP The Bill O’Brien era, we look at the most memorable moments and they’re all bad. Is it good to fire your head coach early?
(1:12:00) The Lions lose in a new way every week. Patricia “had a lot of work to do” and that’s BS.
(1:16:22) Dan’s Broncos beat the Jets and he gives the state of fandom, namely that he’s given up on the decade. Do the Jets stick with Darnold?
(1:25:00) Colts-Bears was an all-time disaster. We fix “highlight video length.”
(1:30:05) Trey Lance, Josh Allen, and the fable of tall QBs. John Elway is licking his chops listening to this.
(1:38:00) “Spiciest take of the week” -- if we’re right, listen back to this and we’ll sound like frickin’ geniuses.
That’s it! Thanks for being a pal!
Follow us on Twitter: @andrepegeron @danielofconnell
Special co-host Devin Foreal! (Daniel will be back next week.)
Fruit conspiracy theories -- what they DIDN'T teach you in elementary school!
Eagles talk and the "worst game of the week" leads us to thinking about alternate tiebreakers.
"Worst drive of the week" goes to the Vikings, who looked slapstick in their failure and now might have COVID.
Devin awards Nick Foles a superlative.
Everything Patrick Mahomes does is amazing, including simple things like underhand passes.
Mike Evans' weird day - 2 catches, 2 yards, 2 TDs - what are some other bizarre stat lines from NFL history? What are some that we want to see?
Pretenders and contenders: Which 3-0 team will miss the playoffs? Which 0-3 team still has a shot?
Sports twitter is just like political twitter. Log off, don't follow us @andrepegeron and @danielofconnell, don't look at our website at http://wefixtheleague.com
What cricket noise?
It's the WE FIX THE LEAGUE week 2 football chat! With special guest Chris Mejia (@tophermejia on Twitter/IG/tiktok)
Intro Banter: We talk cold desserts and memorable childhood moments.
(5:50) Introducing our new segment “Fruit Starting Five” where we make a basketball team out of fruit (10:12) for the start of those juicy picks
(29:32) Philadelphia Eagles talk with Chris: It’s so frustrating to usually be pretty good, the indecency of Nick Foles’ book tour, and what’s the deal with Philly cheese steaks?
Week 2 Recap
(1:01:07) At first we doubted, but the Raiders in Vegas seems kinda sweet
(1:06:14) Nobody gives a shit about your fantasy team, but Chris Mejia has the best fantasy football story of all time
(1:10:02) Championship-level poise out of the Cowboys, namely that they got extremely lucky and the Falcons collapsed
(1:19:42) We are NFC West Nostradamuses...Nostradameses...Nostradami? We are entering a new era of athletic quarterbacks. What makes these quarterbacks different? Kyler Murray, Russell Wilson, Lamar Jackson, and more.
(1:36:34) We think we’ve seen Gardner Minshew at the gas station and he makes Baker Mayfield look like crap. Baker Mayfield’s dumb twitter post sparks a discussion of racial equality in the NFL and what the league can do to look like they are even trying to step up in this historic moment.
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Search for Chris’ podcast “Stoop Kings” wherever you listen to podcasts.
For written sports-comedy stylings, check out our website:
http://wefixtheleague.com
We have fellow sweetboi and Twitter extraordinaire Garth Purkett ( @garbagecoven ) on to talk Seahawks, Week 1 Madness, and Uniform redesigns
This week we were joined by dear friends Timmy Booth and Carl Powers to talk about the NFL.
It was lovely! Check it out!
Join us on Twitch live every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 4-7pm PST at twitch.tv/infalliblesportspals
We are joined by our good friend Jim Stewart Allen (@DancingJSA) to talk NFL!
Don't forget to join the show live on Twitch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 4-7pm PST.
Our first ever Twitch Highlight episode!
Our good friend Devin Foreal drops by to talk AI, Pass interference, and Jerry's World!
We want to make sure that you guys are still getting a steady stream of podcast goodness so from now on we'll be putting out episodes full of highlights from that week's twitch streams!
Thanks for being pals, ya'll!
The Pals are comin' to Twitch!
Every week we'll be live on Twitch from 4pm-7pm Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Come hang out, enjoy the chats you already love, but participate more wholly! Chat with us, steer the conversation yourself!
See you Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 4pm to 7pm PST!
It’s the NFL Free Agency Period! And literally no other sports!
BANTER: National Cleanliness League. Dedicated to the game (of washing your hands). Which Black Eyed Pea washes their hands the most?
QUARTERBACK CAROUSEL
(12:34) Tom Brady to Tampa Bay (TB x TB) Why would the arguable GOAT make this strange move? We go over a few possibilities, including a grudge against Belichick, both Buccaneer Bruces, alphabet analytics, and a Kanye-like fugue state.
(34:38) QB Vacancy in New England Jarett Stidham? Cam Newton for the modern wishbone offense? Jameis Winston for the criss-cross revenge storyline? We break down the tasty options.
(46:10) Philip Rivers to the Colts Will his kids move with him?
(50:38) Teddy Bridgewater to Carolina Putting the “stop” in “stopgap.”
(58:42) Mariota to the Raiders Can Marcus Mariota Ryan Tannehill Derek Carr?
(1:04:26) TRADE: Nick Foles from the Jags to the Bears Ryan Pace is drunk looking for QBs outside of bars
(1:21:35) Andy Dalton - Where will he go? Will he throw passes? Let’s find out!
TEAMS MAKING SPLASHES
(1:24:33) Dolphins: Everyone’s taking their talents to South Beach. Viva la process? (1:29:04) Browns: Chips are back on the menu, boys! (1:32:01) Chargers: Winners of free agency?
(1:36:50) Worst signing: Literally any running back (1:42:12) Smartest signing by a player: Special teams in Denver is cheating. Jimmy Graham keeps getting paid and we don’t know why. (1:48:32) Jason Witten is winding down in Vegas.
THE “COOL PAL” LOOK AT THAT TWEAK
(1:50:14) We take a look at the seven teams looking at jersey changes this year and give our best options for each. Rams (boo), Chargers (yay), Colts (LOOK OUT), Pats (whatever), Browns (old fashioned), Bucs (creamsicles already, you cowards), Falcons (unifying).
That’s it! Thanks for being a pal!
infalliblesportspals@gmail.com
http://twitter.com/isportspals
BANTER: The seasons keep coming and they don’t stop coming. What if we all just changed teams every year? We talk about what it means to be a fan, including rivalries, cool jerseys, and shirt sponsors.
(20:10) Yearbook Superlatives!
(24:30) Country of the Year
(32:20) Theme of the Year (“New Stuff,” “Quarterback Shift Change”)
(49:46) Individual Awards: MVP, offensive/defensive player of the year, rookie of the year, coach of the year, “oh he’s getting pretty good huh” player of the year.
(1:22:14) Year of the Year
(1:24:42) Team awards, including breakout team of the year and a look at the new XFL and star Cardale Jones
(1:36:25) Plays of the Year / Moment of the Year: Patrick Mahomes, Lamar Jackson, George Kittle, Deshaun Watson, & Russell Wilson showed us why they’re amazing. The Dolphins make their way into this segment somehow. Are we at the beginning of a Chiefs dynasty?
(1:48:50) Player of the year / moment of the year for our favorite teams: Andre appreciates Kenny Golladay and thinks as hard as he can to try to find even one moment that was good for the Lions. Dan is excited about Courtland Sutton and optimistic about Vic Fangio, especially because he fired a guy,
(1:56:14) Game of the Year: We recap the best games. Bills/Texans, the Super Bowl, Niners/Saints, Niners/Ravens, Seahawks/Rams, Seahawks/Niners, Niners/Seahawks. NBC Sports sucked at picking which games would be exciting.
(2:02:32) Disappointment of the Year: Browns, Panthers, or Falcons? Why were hopes so high?
(2:04:37) Storyline of the Year: true storyline, favorite storyline, and wildcard storyline. What could NFL fans just not shut up about this season?
(2:13:12) Celebration of the Year: A constant presence in the podcast, this segment separates the elite from the great. A dance in Seattle, a near-penalty, celebrations involving real beer and fake beer, and a lovely family moment.
(2:17:15) The “Sports Media Awards” are swept by an up-and-coming sports/comedy podcast. Truly a great showing. Categories include: Bit of the year, riff of the year, idea of the year. Nominees include “Does football cause brain damage?,” “The NFL Gives Back,” “The Curse of Drew Brees,” “Hype Up Your Team by Bullying the Kicker,” and “Marvin Lewis’ Burden.”
(2:25:24) The final award!
We will keep releasing episodes in the offseason -- draft, free agency, and non-football goofy stuff. We may skip weeks here and there, but we ain’t stoppin’!
That’s it! Thanks for being a pal all season long!
PSA from Dan: He felt like a jerk, but he ain’t no jerk!
Banter: Nutrition. Time. Time. TIME. TIME! Time is thick as hell.
(13:54) Thick Super Bowl! Andre talks an impressive Super Bowl spread. An inspired fusion cuisine idea (Tex-Mex-Czech) has the pals talking about their trips to the Czech Republic. The Super Bowl Squares game had an interesting result and the pals break down the best and worst squares.
(27:40) Dan’s Super Bowl Party was fun too but more contentious. Arguments are tough and we talk about some annoying arguments. Dan didn’t like a guy but he liked another guy who provided some charming atmosphere in a very specific way. The pals name an instrument way quicker than they did last time they had to name an instrument.
(41:15) Getting into the game itself: Talking about how the game felt along the way, what the two teams tried to do during the game, first 3 quarters vs 4th quarter, all-likeable bowl,
(53:44) Andy Reid won a Super Bowl and everyone’s stoked for him. (59:20) Patrick Mahomes won the MVP and got to do something he tweeted about long ago. A likeable leader on and off the field. Damien Williams’ MVP case.
(1:09:50) Kyle Shanahan took some heat for this game, but let’s keep giving Kyles a break. Should he have called that timeout before half? (1:22:36) Key matchups: KC Wideouts vs Richard Sherman, Chris Jones & the Chiefs D Line vs Jimmy G.
(1:27:14) Inspired by Jimmy G’s game-losing 4th down two-handed pass, the Pals create a football revolution: The All-Silly League. A few extra rules would make the game way more interesting to watch.
(1:32:26) Celebration of the Week is everyone celebrating the Chiefs’ win. Some postgame quotes, the weirdest “you’re sweaty” of all time, and the dewey decimal system failing Drew Brees.
(1:38:29) Celebrating Excellence in Football: Us Edition. The Infallible Sports Pals were infallible once again. They both picked the Chiefs last week. Also, Andre picked the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl way back in the last preseason recap episode. Kudos all around.
(1:40:06) Super Bowl Commercials are expensive and advertising is immoral. Cars are bad, are self-driving cars bad?, let’s build a train network already.
That’s it!
Thanks for being a pal!
BANTER: The Motion City. Snow. Bad juju. We’re both gullible. Sir Mix-a-Lot.
(16:08) The PRO BOWL happened! (Pretty sure.) STORYLINES Has Lamar Jackson lost it? When will analytics hit the precision passing challenge?
GAME BREAKDOWN: Best moments of the game, including: Who actually tried hard?
THE FUTURE OF THE PRO BOWL (26:24) How did that new onside kick rule work out? How will the pals improve the experience?
ROSTER TALK (59:30) Ryan Tannehill: COLLUSION? CHEATING? YOU DECIDE! The Giants and Dolphins weren’t there but we get them in the mix. Orlando Brown replaces Trent Brown.
BANNED JERSEY NAMES (1:10:30) NSFW - This segment has some cusses in it! The NFL has banned certain names from being printed on the back of their jerseys. We break down the best names on the list that you can’t buy. Dan and Andre channel their inner elementary schooler and laugh at potty talk.
SUPER BOWL PREVIEW (1:25:00) X’s and O’s -- what will this game look like on the field? It’s a satisfying matchup! We talk storylines and personalities, including Andy Reid’s history and San Francisco’s team mentality. We take a moment to savor the majesty that is……….SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
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RIP Kobe
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BANTER: The pals chat about getting hit in the face, marketing yourself, selling out, the pitfalls of creative endeavors, advertising, and baked brie. A segue about segways.
CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND (21:38) Is Championship Weekend better than the Super Bowl? We talk about the spectrum of football fans, doubling down on great games, home crowds, and food spreads.
CHIEFS-TITANS (39:01) TITANS: The Titans had a playoff run that fans will remember forever. Will we care about them next year? Will Derrick Henry Trick GMs and coaches into establishing the run? Will Tannehill be back? (54:48) CHIEFS: We break down Mahomes’ TD run. Also: the best of the postgame moments, including Travis Kelce’s F-bomb, Andy Reid’s cheeseburger (and endorsement opportunities), and Frank Clark’s genuine emotional intensity.
NINERS-PACKERS (1:11:47) PACKERS: Andre uses this segment mainly to talk smack against a division rival because that's all he can do. Techniques for rallying a locker room. Are the wheels starting to fall off in Green Bay? Probably not but a guy can dream. (1:27:56) NINERS: Kyle Shannahan didn’t pass the ball much “because it was working.” The Niners are uniting past and present. Wardrobe choices by Rob Lowe and George Kittle. A “We Fix the League” that involves hitting milestones and being compensated for it. “Celebrations of the Week” with a STERN public health warning for Raheem Mostert.
SUPER BOWL PREVIEW (1:53:51) “COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK” talks Super Bowl jerseys and color schemes. Someone drew a drawing at Christmas with an eerie Chiefs-Niners prediction in it. We’re stoked for the game and Dan’s bringing burgers. Let’s all eat a bunch of food, get together with our friends, and celebrate football.
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We recap the divisional round of the NFL playoffs! We talk about what went wrong for each eliminated team and where they go from here!
BANTER: Dan tries to get Andre into basketball. They talk about that time they went to the park and played basketball with a rich cast of characters.
NINERS-VIKINGS (16:00) What went right for the Niners? What went wrong for the Vikings? Where do they go from here? Which players do they keep and get rid of?
RAVENS-TITANS (31:00) Upset alert! Andre and Dan discuss their fan sensibilities and whether or not they are stoked about the surprise. We investigate the “choker” label for the Ravens and talk about Derrick Henry’s appeal. (47:02) Spontaneous “We Fix the League:” how to make press conferences more exciting with a "Hype Coordinator."
TEXANS-CHIEFS (51:00) Texans go hot, then cold. The Chiefs are on fire. The Texans traded away lots of draft picks for this. Maybe they should get a GM. Should Deshaun Watson roll the dice and test free agency?
SEAHAWKS-PACKERS (1:09:00) Packers get by with a little help from their friends. The Adams-Rodgers connection is firing on all cylinders. The Seahawks let us down. Pete Carroll is good at some things (chewing) and bad at other things (offensive gameplans).
BONUS: LSU-CLEMSON (1:29:15) Is Joe Burrow the real deal? It’s easier to get open in college football. We each give our “Trevor Lawrence looks like…” takes. Somehow we start talking about WeWork & the tech industry.
HAPPY TRAILS (1:45:30) We say goodbye to a couple players who just retired and welcome back to a vet who’s coming back for more.
CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK (1:52:27) Julian Edelman celebrates off the field, I love football...and twins!, Eric Fisher douses himself in beer, should taunting be allowed? / taunting should be allowed, LSU celebrates the natty.
CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW (2:01:20) We preview the championship round, looking at each potential Super Bowl matchup and telling you why it’s good or bad. We have the “Classic Bowl,” the “Red Bowl,” the “Boring Bowl,” and the “Andre’s Stressed Out Bowl.”
Dan’s phone rang right at the end of the episode. What timing.
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BANTER: We’re back together again! This time in Seattle! We talk natural beauty and social ugliness. Grocery stores. Venice.
(8:20) Wildcard weekend, baby! “This is the most fun I’ve had watching football all year.” Fewer games means we get to savor the good ones.
HOUSTON OVER BUFFALO (12:32) Buffalo breakdown: Josh Allen made us say “WOW!” with a variety of emotions. The offense couldn’t quite get the job done. Where do they go from here? (31:37) Houston breakdown: Deshaun Watson made us say “WOW!” and it was usually positive, saying hello to JJ Watt and goodbye to the MNF broadcast team, a quick “We Fix the League” about being mic’ed up, and family connections.
TENNESSEE OVER NEW ENGLAND (48:29) Shoutout to punts. Where will Tom Brady go? Is the dynasty over? Ryan Tannehill used to play wide receiver. Andre feels bad for Trent Dilfer.
MINNESOTA OVER NEW ORLEANS (1:13:38) The Saints lost. What were they thinking? Talkin’ OPI. Playing the blame game with Drew Brees and Sean Payton. The Vikings continue to confuse us. A nod to special teams coaches.
SEATTLE OVER PHILADELPHIA (1:30:30) A game full of storylines. Carson Wentz reminds us that humans are meatbags & Josh McCown reminds us that humans have emotions. DK Metcalf had a hell of a playoff debut including the game-sealing play. A rundown of Marshawn Lynch’s all-time greatest off-field moments & the NFL’s most likeable players.
CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK (1:53:35) Houston Texans give themselves an underwhelming nickname, Teddy Bridgewater with 110% commitment, DK Metcalf waves goodbye, and the TV crew in the Pats game giving us something we can all celebrate.
DIVISIONAL ROUND PREVIEW (1:58:02) We give you our upset picks, the team we’re least impressed by, our takes on the betting lines, and our score predictions as we look forward to the BIG DOGS getting in the fray of this year's NFL playoff.
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BANTER: The pals are feelin’ a FRESH START. It’s early, baby. Calendar talk about New Year’s Resolution and summer breaks.
WEEK 17 (6:19) GAME OF THE WEEK: NINERS - SEAHAWKS What a game! The rivalry is back! Can any other rivalry compare? Marshawn Lynch knows how to live. How this game and others impact the NFC playoff picture.
(15:05) UPSET OF THE WEEK: DOLPHINS - PATRIOTS. Devante Parker has us thinking a rebrand for “Danvante O’Connell.” Andre talks about not looking like someone named Andre. How does the game-ending failed lateral play for New England confirm that Belichick is a genius? Chiefs fans go wild learning about the result.
(26:32) BUCS - FALCONS Everyone’s playing sports while Jameis Winston is writing poetry. What can his collectivist approach tell us about the notion of competition? Bruce Arians weighs in with a puzzling message.
(31:21) REVIEWING OUR PREDICTIONS At the beginning of the season, we predicted each team’s record, and cha boys effin’ nailed it. We look back on our thoughts and look at what went right and what went wrong for each team in each division this year. (35:25) AFC South (38:26) AFC East (43:10) AFC West (48:42) AFC North (56:58) NFC East (1:00:35) NFC West (1:04:18) NFC North (1:11:45) NFC South
2020 PLAYOFFS - THE COMPREHENSIVE SEGMENT (1:18:42) The playoff bracket is set, the playoff format is awesome, we fix the Super Bowl, We break down all the wild card matchups: Tennessee vs New England, Buffalo vs Houston, Minnesota vs New Orleans, Philadelphia vs Seattle. We also make predictions for how the whole bracket will shake out and give our Super Bowl picks. And: What’s one team that could surprise us by making a deep run?
CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK (1:45:56) Eric Rowe celebrates for an unprecedented amount of time, somersaults in Foxborough, Golden Tate playin’ it casual, Saquon Barkley is a precog, a celebration-laden game in Seattle including a Marshawn classic, and a sentimental broadcasting call to celebrate Boston Scott.
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Our release schedule will stay the same for the playoffs: One new episode a week through our post-Super Bowl recap. Stay tuned!
BANTER: The pals talk Christmas, the post office, and the giving spirit.
(11:29) BALTIMORE RAVENS & THE AFC Baltimore gets the gift of home field advantage. Are they unstoppable? What’s the best case scenario for RG3? Plus a rundown of the AFC playoff picture including the SCARED New England Patriots.
(31:18) NFC EAST Philly won, which means we have to care about this terrible division for another week.
(34:53) DRAFT WATCH The Bengals clinch the first pick. The Lions are in the mix for #2.
(40:48) WHAT COACHES WILL GET FIRED? We give you 5 coaches who could be on the hot seat.
(50:18) PARTY BOYS Eli Manning & Daniel Jones were taped partying it up in an extremely on-brand way
(55:49) PAL-ON-PAL VIOLENCE Dan and Andre break down Lions-Broncos for as long as it deserves.
(57:07) QUICK HITS One more home game for the Raiders. Jameis Winston and Duck Hodges with all-time press conference quotes.
(1:00:53) THE HEIGHT OF COMEDY TJ Watt punched Sam Darnold in the nuts.
(1:05:20) GIFT EXCHANGE Andre & Dan buy presents for various figures around the league, including Myles Garrett, Ryan Pace, Pete Carroll, and Drew Brees. (Technical difficulties caused a couple of glitches during this segment -- it’s just the recording, sorry!) Also, the pals arrive at a good Christmas gift for each other.
(1:38:02) MNF PREVIEW REVIEW Dan and Andre talk about the what happened in the Monday Night Football game that happened after they recorded but before they released the episode.
(1:42:41) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK OBJ jumps rope, Brown & Kamara flirt with perfection, and Kenyan Drake with some excellent object work.
(1:47:27) WEEK 17 PREVIEW Our “Sure Thing” bets of the week, our FINAL “how much will the Miami Dolphins lose by this week?” (and it’s a throwback to the beginning of the season), plus the last game of the decade (and it's a good one).
That’s it!
Merry Christmas!
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BANTER: The pals are feeling out of sorts. We talk heavy things and regional fruits.
(9:52) GOOD TEAMS Good teams are good, bad teams are bad, could Alabama beat the worst pro team? Quick hits on all the hot games, including: Atlanta beats San Francisco, New Orleans and Minnesota crushing underlings, Baltimore/New England/KC take care of business, Houston in the driver’s seat, is Buffalo good?, and what will happen with the losers Tennessee and Pittsburgh.
(36:36) DAK’S COIN FLIP FIASCO Rules are rules, Dak. We look at how group bullying could motivate a squad.
(51:25) LAST GAME IN OAKLAND Dan gives a firsthand account of why Raider fans are actually charming, we talk rioting and celebrating.
(1:00:11) WE FIX THE LEAGUE Dan moves a few teams to new locations and everyone comes out better. We have truly...fixed the league.
(1:07:45) DRAFT BATTLE Cincy, Miami, NYG, Washington, and Detroit are sitting at the bottom of the league. What games will they win to screw up their draft spot? What players will they draft that their fans will hate? What new QBs will be thrown to the wolves behind terrible O Lines?
(1:37:21) COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK The best-looking game of the week involved modern looks for classic teams.
(1:41:51) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK Gettin’ the big men involved, a soccer PK, a sad somersault, an F-bomb, celebrating a tad early, and light flashes: the future of celebrations?
(1:52:57) WEEK 16 PREVIEW What a week of football!!!!! Pal-on-Pal Violence: Our favorite teams are playing each other, how do we feel? 7 games with playoff implications A couple “Sure Thing” bets of the week Winding up the windy city.
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Banter: The pals are feeling...sick! We talk gravelly voices, home remedies, a pancake-based diet, and the Infallible Sports Pals Lifestyle Brand.
(12:57) Game of the Season: Saints - Niners It had offense! It had defense! It had everything! The pals break down the game and talk screen management on Sundays.
(22:37) Patriots Video Scandal Dirty rotten cheaters, every single one of them.
(29:38) Jameis Winston 33/45, 456 yd, 4 TD, 3 INT...it’s a thing of beauty. We use analytics to come up with a Buccaneer gameplan.
(35:21) Baker Mayfield Dr. Baker, MD. We come up with a plan to promote player safety.
(40:20) PLAYOFF PICTURE With three weeks left, what will the AFC and NFC playoff pictures look like? We predict, including a BOLD and RISKY pick for a division champion.
(56:45) WE FIX THE LEAGUE We fix the league’s injury problem by conjuring players from the “shadow realm” and that movie “The Island” comes up again.
(1:04:39) CLONE LEAGUE If you had to make a 53-man roster out of clones of one player, who would it be? The pals make their picks.
(1:18:47) “They Clearly Listen to the Pod” An all-name team addition & the Broncos defense clearly listens to the pod.
(1:24:36) Celebrations of the week Calvin Ridley flirts with perfection, one team didn’t even have a chance to celebrate, Derrick Henry slows down on his way to the endzone, and Andre’s mime blindness struggles to figure out Nick Boyle’s celebration.
(1:33:45) WEEK 15 PREVIEW Our ongoing segment “Heat watch Miami Nights: Miami heat: watchin’ em :: heat it up,” our “Sure Thing Bets of the Week,” and adding wind to the windy city.
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What an episode! We get into some great ideas that are tough to explain in the show notes. Just trust us!
BANTER: We solidify our legacy as the internet’s premier football/complain about L.A. podcast and compare our podcasting skills to Mario Kart 64.
(9:33) RAVENS-NINERS Two juggernauts went at it in the rain. We talk about the craziest ways that the NFL could switch venues to take advantage of weather including some occult equipment. It’s actually pretty interesting.
(26:28) TEXANS - PATRIOTS The Texans LBs wore heist outfits and it made all the difference. We dive into their costumes and brainstorm some ways that the league could incorporate heists into the game. Heists are dope. People are panicking but the Pats are fine.
(45:00) PANTHERS FIRE RIVEIRA Kyle Allen sucks and now Riveria is out of a job. What it means to “get your guy.”
(54:35) STEELERS - BROWNS Mike Tomlin makes one adjustment and everyone loses their minds. Further confirmation of the “Baker Mayfield chip theory.” Andre fondly remembers a young adult novel he read once upon a time. Freddie Kitchens is bad because that roster is good. Would Lincoln Riley rather coach the Sooners, Cowboys, or the Browns?
(1:13:31) BENGALS WIN The Bengals are cursed and we come up with a truly bonkers theory to explain why. It makes a bunch of sense, guys. The cat that ran onto the field at Metlife makes an appearance.
(1:19:50) LIONS-BEARS Lions lost the battle but won the war. Andre explains how, but not before talking about the sweet deal he’s getting from the LA public library system. We give Mitchell Trubisky words of affirmation, which may or may not be one of his love languages.
(1:27:21) ALL-NAME TEAM (BRONCOS)
A punter getting demolished leads us to google “wad etymology” with lackluster results. We try to keep the all-name team from getting cancelled. Drew Lock had a lot of fun out there.
(1:35:21) COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK - SAINTS/FALCONS New Orleans wore the TRUE “coldest ones they’ve got” and Atlanta sported some tasteful throwbacks.
(1:39:30) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK A Falcon celebrates way too intensely, Courtland Sutton doubts basic math, Deshaun Watson shreds defenses and imaginary props, and the Seahawks lay it all on the line for a dance. Also, is the media being silenced?
(1:48:30) WEEK 14 PREVIEW
We talk about a bunch of the upcoming games, including: Will we ever find out if the Bills are actually good? Our ongoing segment: “Heatwatch: Miami Nights: Hot Nights :: In Miami.: :)” and an appreciation of the punter-to-kicker TD from last week. The football Gods desire a terrible primetime game.
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BANTER: The pals are separated! It’s like a sad movie montage. We talk games, basement debauchery, and the perfectly legal drug that fits into your lunch break. The pals share some CONTROVERSIAL Thanksgiving opinions.
This week, the pals are thankful!
(14:49) We are thankful for LAMAR JACKSON, who is thankful for the forward pass.
(21:25) We are thankful for PARITY. Good is bad! Bad is good! Down is up! Among the recently-hot teams in the league, which ones might have a harsh fall? The Rams are starting the fall, and we consider the prospects of the Niners, Ravens, and Chiefs.
(33:54) We are thankful for LATERALS. A vague feel-good story that gets us talkin’ about sports movies, a big man showing his wheels in Seattle, a “We Fix the League” rule change to encourage teamwork & craziness, and a really depressing moment by Andre’s Detroit Lions.
(47:47) What are players thankful for?
What is Ryan Tannehill thankful for? (It’s his breakout year! Finally! At age 31!) What is Derrick Henry thankful for? (The bruiser adds another 70-yard scamper to his highlight reel.) What is Devlin Hodges thankful for? (The analytics department takes a look at his unprecedented performance. We talk actor cameos in the NFL and the definition of a “comeback win.”)
(:) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK:
Ronald Jones yelled loud and clear, Raheem Mostert was surfin’ USA (and it’s a health hazard), Jared Cook is cookin’ up a celly, OBJ takes time to stop and smell the roses, Marquise Brown makes a difficult choice, the New Orleans event staff gets in on the mix, and another beer-related celebration in Tennessee. (WARNING: FIERY TAKES INCOMING)
(:) WEEK 13 PREVIEW
If you listened to us last week, you’re rich. Week 13 is full of all kinds of awesome games: divisional rivalries, games between contenders, our “Sure Thing” bets of the week, and our ongoing segment “how many points will Miami lose by this week?” is starting to get spooky. We pick one game as must-watch TV.
BANTER: We’re feeling retrospective. Looking back to the language of Latin. Remembering that awesome Chiefs-Rams game from last year and also when the Chargers were in San Diego.
(10:44) QB SPOTLIGHT Philip Rivers is a sensitive boy with a big car.
(25:22) MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL We knock the Chiefs down a peg and talk AFC Playoffs. The Chargers are bad.
(36:10) UN JUEGO EN MEXICO We believe these things: The field was bad, the food was good, the rules should be different on international grounds including themed stadiums, and what the hell is that clacky percussion instrument.
(57:12) RAVENS-TEXANS Ravens are very good. Deshaun Watson is an MVP - Moderately Valuable Player.
(1:03:58) ROAST OF AJ MCCARRON Backup QB AJ McCarron has a terrible chest tattoo and owns a truly bonkers sushi restaurant.
(1:15:01) THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL “Pittsburgh-Cleveland Brawl in 45 seconds” in 90 seconds
TRICK PLAYS (1:16:32) What do we want? More quarterbacks! When do we want it? As soon as the league is ready to adopt innovation! (Cameo by Tom Brady’s business scam/immortality plot.) (1:28:06) The rule of the week gets sidetracked by us talking about the sushi restaurant again, “noodling,” and fishing with a gun. (1:31:10) A brief mention of onside kicks.
(1:34:19) BUMP OF THE WEEK We’re dope at predicting stuff and Dan nails a trivia question.
(1:39:11) COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK Shout out the powder blues. Reverse shout out to the Saints-Bucs matchup. We have our fieriest argument yet about whether Kyle Shanahan looks cool in his hat, riff about which coaches should wear which hats, and revolutionize the league with more pizzazz. A dope nickname and a cool regular name [ed. note -- NOT ANYMORE]
(1:54:39) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK Mark Ingram’s relaxed & sassy pose, Zeke’s Dak impression, Ryan Griffin’s sticky hands, Quentin Nelson’s keg stand, we pander to Jacoby Brissett.
(2:06:17) WEEK 12 PREVIEW We talk about a few of the games we have our eye on, revisit our ongoing segment “how many points will the Miami Dolphins lose by this week?” and give our Infallible Sports Pals “Sure Thing” Bets of the Week.
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Banter: LA Yardwork. Some harsh words for Paul Revere. We dip into arson. Ja Rule vs Ludacris.
(15:23) Players we love: The Famous Lamar Jackson, college talk with Joe Burrow, Jadaveon Clowney of the Seahawks, how hard is it to pick up a fumble?, headbands, Jamal Adams of the Jets, Ryan Tannehill and Derrick Henry of the Titans. Also, Bucs coach Bruce Arians with the “spiteful move of the week.”
(40:14) The Infallible Sports Pals “Salute to Service” Thank you for your service.
(52:39) The Infallible Sports Pals “Bump of the Week” Last week we made some predictions that were correct (sup Raiders) and helped out our boy Jamel Dean.
(58:02) “We Fix the League” An “All-Name Team” debate, the merits of a jump pass, and a “we fix the league” that maximizes jumping.
(1:07:48) The Infallible Sports Pals “On-the-nose Metaphor of the Week” Stafford breaks his back, the Bills are efficient yet boring, Saquon is living on an island of talent, Rodgers gets a gift from the refs.
(1:15:20) Rulebook Breakdown We say the word “injurious” a lot and somehow it has to do with paint
(1:21:28) Cool Pal Look of the Week The Jets “midnight edition” is disappointing, we pick the best looking game of the week including some powder blues, and a discussion of old-school jerseys
(1:26:53) Celebrations of the Week DeForest Buckner can’t complete a pass, Adam Humphries can, a ref flinches, Jarvis Landry hurts his team with trash talk, Nik Needham is a widdle baby, “Chasing Perfection” with Golden Tate. Brian Hill and Calvin Ridley go for quantity over quality in a silent Superdome, Rashan Evans with a great team celebration.
(1:41:07) Week 11 Preview Some “Sure Thing” bets of the week, another Tank Bowl with heavy draft implications, and the “highlight-off” between Deshaun Watson and Lamar Jackson.
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BANTER: The pals talk about the trials and tribulations of devoting themselves to the podcast including a great moment of friendship serendipity.
(6:09) This week’s breakout star runs straight out of the stadium.
MIDSEASON RECAP:
(8:50) PREDICTIONS 1 — Our infallibly correct preseason predictions: Ravens, Pats, Bears, Saints, Steelers, Colts, and the NFC East — we called it! We’re geniuses!
(20:54) PREDICTIONS 2 — If we were ever wrong, we might have been wrong about: The Niners, Cardinals, Bills, Browns, and Broncos. Our riveting segment: “Allen Watch.”
(34:54) PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS — What teams will make it? What teams will not make it? We give you our prediction of one team on the outside looking in who might slide in there by the end of the year.
(49:50) MIDSEASON AWARD PICKS — We pick an MVP, an offensive player of the year (OTY), defensive player OTY, rookie OTY, comeback player OTY, coach OTY, executive OTY, time-saving acronym OTY (it’s OTY).
SEGMENTS:
(1:09:01) TANK BOWL OF THE WEEK TERRIBLE MOMENT RECAP — The Dolphins beat the Jets and lots of terrible things happened. Eventually we riff our way to a nonexistant movie that would definitely be titled “Streets of Flavortown.”
(1:15:28) HOW GOOD ARE WE AT FOOTBALL — Former not-QB-anymore Matt Moore has us thinking about how we would fare if we stepped out on the gridiron. This is probably the best segment of the episode.
(1:26:38) PAL SHOUTOUT OF THE WEEK — Jamel “Sleeves” Dean looks huge out there so we dug into his backstory. Whaddup Jamel!
(1:31:45) COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK — Quick recognition of some cool jerseys.
(1:33:37) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK — Some celebrations went wrong: a failed leapfrog and a bad teammate outshining the guy who made the play. A relaxed celly, a celly with multiple origins, and a rare special teams celly.
(1:39:59) WEEK 10 PREVIEW — Our “sure thing” bets didn’t go so hot last week, so we’re about due for a win. Our ongoing segment: “How many points will the Dolphins lose by?” And we are most excited for the revival of a sweet divisional rivalry.
Find us on twitter: http://twitter.com/isportspals
Email: infalliblesportspals@gmail.com
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(2:00) Andre met John Kruk or something!
(7:20) Chiefs and Packers! Andy Reid makes Matt Moore only a step behind one of the greats!
(12:00) MINSHEW MANIA WILL NOT DIE (if we get our way)
(15:00) Drew Brees is back, and Andre has some notes on the mechanics within the movie Booksmart
(18:25) Trade Deadline: BIG NEWS.
(22:30) Running backs aren’t valuable enough, we’ve got some solutions
(28:00) Trades R Dumb.
(37:30) The Niners are damn good.
(51:00) Maybe in the long term all these Broncos losses are good?
(58:00) Them Dolphins are tanking like never before.
(1:01:43) Kickers are managed poorly
(1:06:00) The Bears kicked the game away
(1:12:00) Celebrations of the week!!
(1:22:00) A look ahead!
Thanks for being a pal!
Banter: Pumpkins have got Dan out of his gourd. Mainstream Sports media is on our jock. Andre is allergic to Dan’s hypothetical allergies.
(13:40) Football was bad this week! We have fun anyway. The Jets and Eagles were especially bad!
(18:48) INDY V HOUSTON
KC will trade for Jacoby Brissett? Is Taysom Hill a QB1? Frank Reich for Coach of the year?
(26:34) AFC South
Bill O’Brien is a Wild and Crazy Guy. Minshew-mania with a lower case “m.” Dan is Astounded!
(35:00) An ode to the European Football League:
Convoluted solutions to the dearth of capable QB’s.
(41:49) CHARGERS V TITANS
How was this one of the games of the week?
Tannehill the Mannehill? More solutions to QB’s!
Are the Lions the Chargers of the NFC or is Andre playing himself?
(55:00) TRADE DEADLINE
Some trades already happened! We grade them! Some trades haven’t happened yet! We suggest them!
(1:16:50)
DAN WONT TRADE VON MILLER, DONT BOTHER CALLING. Chris Harris is up for grabs, tho.
(1:26:00)
Mr. Rivers goes to sausage paradise.
(1:28:30) NINERS V “REDACTED”
The NFL should install a “Pokemon Stadium” for bad games.
(1:34:45) Celebrations of the Week:
Our apologies to the Toronto Blue Jays.
(1:43:40) Cool Pal Look of the week.
Andre has strong opinions on fashion. DK Metcalf has binkie game.
(1:48:40) Week 8 preview!
Hey Pals! Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/isportspals
BANTER:
We’re hangin’ in there! Hang in there, pals! Does this sound depressing? It’s not supposed to!
(7:29) BROWNS-SEAHAWKS
Russell Wilson is certainly hangin’ right in there! Baker is maybe just barely hangin’ in there! This “chip on the shoulder” theory continues to evolve.
(19:17) TITANS (20:38) vs BRONCOS
What’s going on with the Titans offense? What’s going on with Von Miller? This “showin’ cards” theory continues to evolve.
(31:23) DOLPHINS VS REDSKINS
The tank bowl! Seems like they’re trying to lose? Not sayin’, just sayin’... We Fix the League involving new rules for tanking.
(42:54) CARDINALS VS FALCONS
The Falcons lost on a missed extra point. We talk going for 2, avoiding overtime, going for 1, going for 3, and going for several other numbers.
(47:34) CHIEFS VS TEXANS
We talk about what it takes to be a peak athlete.
(54:57) “How do narratives form?” KC, RAMS, & COWBOYS on losing streaks. The crazy NFC playoff picture. Should we overreact to everything? Probably not but it’s fun. We compare the relative excitement of different sports leagues.
(1:02:47) LIONS VS PACKERS
Monday night football! We give a thorough breakdown of the five big storylines from this game: Eff the refs, eff the refs, eff the refs, eff the refs, eff the refs.
(1:22:50) A palate cleanser: Jersey numbers! It’s cool that receivers wear jerseys in the teens now. We share some fun stories about different players’ jersey numbers, including Tom Brady, a deal involving beer, and a rarely-used number from Brazil.
(1:39:33) CELEBRATIONS OF THE WEEK: The Eagles put out a STRONG contender for celebration of the year. A Bronco acts like a velociraptor. We talk sweet dinosaurs.
(1:47:09) COOL PAL LOOK OF THE WEEK: The Saints betrayed us with their all-whites...with a twist.
(1:49:11) WEEK 7 PREVIEW: Blowout of the week, “pee talk,” the Falcons’ future, our “Infallible Sports Pals ‘Sure Thing’ Bets of the Week,” games of the week.
That’s it! Thanks for being a pal!
Lots of great football talk in this one: What makes a good coach? What’s wrong with the Browns? How do we protect the players? What does it truly mean to “get freaky with it?”
BANTER: We talk chrome tabs, signs from the universe, and spirituality.
(12:38) REDSKINS - PATRIOTS. Washington fires Jay Gruden after an inept start to the season and an inept night out at the bars. Why don’t billionaires care more about winning football games? How would we fare as coaches? The Patriots defense looks really good.
(23:00) STEELERS - RAVENS. We debate the appropriate overtime rules. The Steelers ran the wildcat and made a crucial mistake...or was it? (30:35) Our special investigative report: Does football cause brain damage? We discuss the hit on Mason Rudolph and talk about what a 2nd safety-based football league would look like. (43:51) 3rd string QB Devlin Hodges and his backup Paxton Lynch signals a new era of QBs. We discuss the accreditation of “Samford” and also terrible white kid names.
(50:56) BROWNS - NINERS. What’s wrong with the Browns? Andre’s “chip on the shoulder” theory continues to hold water.(1:00:45) We give props to Kyle Shanahan and discuss our “Theory of Kyles.”(1:04:50) Booger McFarland said something very dumb. We discuss the state of NFL broadcasting.
(1:10:12) COLTS - CHIEFS. What a great game! What a great gameplan! The Art of War!
(1:17:28) Infallible Sports Pals Coaching Breakdown: What are the signs of a great coach? A good coach? A bad coach? What’s hard about judging coaching as a fan? What teams need what kinds of coaches? Who are the league’s innovators and what makes them special?
Some quick hits on other games: (1:36:08) FALCONS - TEXANS. Is there a bigger letdown team than the Falcons? Is anyone more underappreciated than Deshaun Watson? (1:42:18) BILLS - TITANS. Keys to success for the Titans offense. Josh Allen gets shellacked. (1:46:22) SEAHAWKS - RAMS. We gush about Russell Wilson.
(1:54:50) Cool Celebrations of the Week! Lots of 'em! Nick Bosa vs Baker Mayfield - We do a live breakdown of Baker’s flag plant and judge Nick Bosa’s flag plant against it. We talk plant-based team names. Vikings receivers do the “wiggly arms.” Jared Cook’s mimed celebration baffles Andre yet again. Golden Tate celebrates a penalty. And the Packers offense and defense take very different team photos.
(2:10:35) Week 6 Preview! “How much will the Dolphins lose by?” - Maybe a NEGATIVE NUMBER? The Infallible Sports Pals “Sure Thing Bets of the Week” Game by game previews
(2:26:08) “Under the Helmet” with Quandre Diggs and a very strange Youtube comment.
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Banter: The pals are feeling “the fightin’ spirit.” A fight broke out on a train. Debating the merits of watching games live versus watching the replays. Cameo by the orienting response.
A quick aside: This week, our favorite teams (the Lions and Broncos) played the two most exciting games of the week. That’s just a fact! So we spent a lot of time talking about them. If you want to hear some in-depth discussion about the Lions, Chiefs, Broncos, and Jags (with some Bills and Pats in the middle), keep listening. To hear some shorter game breakdowns from the rest of the league, jump to (1:18:49).
Game of the week: Chiefs @ Lions (12:44) Patrick Mahomes is good at football. The Lions fought hard through some intense moments. An overly detailed breakdown of the controversial 100-yard fumble return TD. (27:56) Andre breaks down how Matt Patricia neutralized Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs offense. The secret ingredient for both of these offenses: versatility. (34:08) We fix the league: “The Patrick Mahomes Drinking Game.” We talk Andy Reid & potato chips. (38:09) Question of the week: Are the Lions good? And then some silly moments from the game.
Co-Happy Loser of the Week: Buffalo Bills (vs New England Patriots) (44:24) The Bills played the Pats close, but no cigar. We break down Josh Allen. Cameo by hydras.
Dan’s Heartbreak of the Week: Jags @ Broncos (51:34) The Broncos are mainly bad but just good enough to lose in a close and depressing fashion. Is John Elway’s GM throne untouchable? He’s bad at drafting QBs. Cameo by eatin’ good in the neighborhood. (1:00:51) Minshew mania, baby! Gardner wins our quarterly “Rookie of the Year” award and we dive into what makes him great. Cameo by names as verbs. (1:09:44) Maybe Vic Fangio is only a good coach when he has really, really good players.
Hype Train Collision: Browns @ Ravens (1:18:49) Andre’s key to the game for the Ravens: wardrobe. The key to the game for the Browns: the chip on Baker Mayfield’s shoulder. Silly moments from the game including Jarvis Landry’s stumble for the ages and a breakdown of a scene from the Lorax movie.
Big Losers of the Week (1:29:45) Most of the NFC North. The Bears are combining analytics and injuries to revolutionize roster building. We give some very telling QB stats.
Upset of the Week: Bucs @ Rams (1:35:29) Happy homecoming of the week: former USC Trojan Ronald Jones returns to the Coliseum. We come up with an app idea/proprietary algorithm to disrupt the ambiance industry -- tell your local venture capitalists. Jared Goff is good, but is he “turbo” good?
Things We Could Not Do of the Week - Panthers @ Texans (1:45:36) A somersault. Achieving a first down by sliding on the ground. Getting sacked multiple times. A quick AFC South update.
Great Idea & Terrible Idea of the Week - Bengals @ Steelers, Washington @ Giants (1:49:29) The Steelers try to figure out their QB situation. The Redskins do not figure out their QB situation. The Giants have probably figured out their QB situation.
Cool Celebrations of the Week! (1:55:17) Janoris Jenkins celebrates defense with special teams. Mike Evans is into modern dance. Andre guesses (extremely poorly) at what AJ Brown’s trademark celebration is attempting to portray. We workshop a sandwich-related celebration.
We Rank the League (2:03:30) Andre infallibly breaks the NFL down into 7 tiers.
The Infallible Sports Pals “Sure Thing” Bets of the week! (2:07:17) We hit on some games last week and hope to keep that generally acceptable performance rolling. We look ahead to week 5. There are a couple tasty bets this week so listen up and put your money where our mouths are.
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Several QBs were thrown to the wolves. How did they do? It’s the Infallible Sports Pals Week 3 Football Chat!
Banter: The pals are poised. Mid-season podcasting form is upon us. Nobody likes the LA Chargers so we try to help them out. The Blue Man Group teaches us about life. Cameo by birthday candles.
(9:16) Week 3 recap. We’re going to talk about the 6 new starting QBs. We’ll share one “everyday experience” that encapsulates each start. We start with the formerly boring Daniel Jones and the NY Giants vs the Buccaneers. We talk weaponry, obscure sports, and dumb draft opinions. Cameo by what we talk about every time Jameis Winston comes up.
(33:46) Teddy “Water Under the Bridge” Bridgewater “leads” the Saints to a victory over the Seahawks in Seattle. We dip into college football for a little. In a very special segment, Andre & Dan seriously discuss rehabilitation and forgiveness. Cameo by Urban Meyer’s health problems.
(52:31) Kyle Allen throws 4 TDs and the Panthers win. The Cards lose but damn Kyler Murray is fast. Cameo by the Ezra Klein show.
(1:04:13) Josh Rosen keeps double clutching and we double down on our take that the Dolphins are bad. We compare football teams to restaurants. Cameo by employment.
(1:11:40) Mason Rudolph let down the Steelers defense and they’re a bunch of big mean guys so that’s bad news. The San Francisco 49ers are undefeated. Cameo by laundry.
(1:20:17) Luke Falk gets by with a little help from his friends. Kinda. The New England Patriots are too good at football and it twists fans’ minds. We talk the light & dark sides of fandom. Cameo by a fierce disagreement over jerseys.
(1:32:55) Game of the Week: Ravens @ Chiefs. Lamar Jackson & Mahomes went head-to-head and it was awesome. We talk analytics on 4th down decisions and 2-point conversions (in a clear manner) as well as timeouts (in a very convoluted manner). Andre looks forward to his Lions losing to the Chiefs. Cameo by old men’s opinions.
(1:44:55) Detroit Lions fan suicide watch level: we’re doing alright! Undefeated, baby! Andre talks about how his football mind is permanently tainted by watching the Lions. We’re optimistic about Carson Wentz and the Eagles bouncing back. Cameo by Kerryon Johnson’s childlike innocence.
(1:54:37) The Broncos lost to the Packers and it was just close enough to be winnable but just far enough away to be hopeless. Dan and Andre both have their theories. Also, the media does not believe Jalen Ramsey. Cameo by the long game.
(2:01:37) The “Cool Pal Look of the Week” returns! We suspect that the Cowboys and Eagles are listening to the podcast because there’s really no other explanation for what happened. The Saints get in the mix, too. Cameo by future guests.
(2:06:29) Cool celebrations! Marvin Jones is inspired and Mark Ingram rolls with the punches. Surprise “We Fix the League:” A backflip inspires Andre to come up with yet another new rule for the NFL.
(2:12:36) Our “Sure Thing Bets of the Week:” Run with the favorites, baby! We made money last week so let’s keep it rolling, baby! We continue our weekly segment “how much will the Miami Dolphins lose by?” and our answers are slightly less embarrassing than before.
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Sticks and stones may break some bones, but the pals will never hurt you! We’re recapping week 2, chattin’ QBs, and looking ahead to next week.
(0:58) Banter: The pals are feeling confused! What is truth? What is smoke? What does a tie mean? Andre talks about a repetitive work experience. Cameo by Janelle Monae.
(7:30) The big story: Some QBs are suckin’ it up! What is going on? We know exactly what is going on. QBs making an appearance: Cam Newton, Mitchell Trubisky, Josh Allen (actually kinda good?), Joe Flacco, Kirk Cousins. Cameo by disaster preparedness.
(25:25) The big story part 2: QBs are dropping like flies! What is going on? You’ll never believe it, but we still know exactly what is going on. Sam Darnold has mono which makes sense because he’s an athletic millionaire. We crown Smooch City, USA. Cameo by real estate markets.
(35:00) Injuries continued: A little Drew Brees & a lot of Big Ben. The Steelers are in a sticky situation: Talking Mason Rudolph, Mike Tomlin, and the Minkah Fitzpatrick trade. Cameo by names as verbs.
(47:48) Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty: Eli Manning is finally benched. It happened too soon, and yet not soon enough. Cameo by a ferrari.
(56:03) Loyalty x3, pt 2: Adam Vinatieri is pushing the limits of the human body. We come up with several league rules that would benefit the old guard of the league. Cameo by grandpas.
(1:02:46) Jets Disaster Season Bingo: We reveal what’s on our bingo cards and run back all of the horrible luck they’ve had. Cameo by Ballers.
(1:09:41) Finally, some good QBs: Recapping Baltimore vs Arizona with Lamar Jackson and Kyler Murray. The Chiefs who could probably start a golden retriever at WR and Mahomes would still throw TDs. Andre proposes the Gardner Minshew Fellowship. Cameo by the height of comedy.
(1:21:55) Cool celebrations! A spinning triple jump kick, a player who has so much energy that it backfires, and Marquise Goodwin with a faithful recreation of a very boring event. We push the boundaries of celebration theory. Cameo by a celebration within a celebration.
(1:30:40) “The Cool Pal Look of the Week:” The Philadelphia Eagles wore white-on-white. The Dallas Cowboys coaching staff wore some cool shades. Dear listeners, help us choose between these two cool looks. Cameo by NFL laundry.
(1:35:39) Two more legends join the pantheon of our NFL All-Name Team. Cameo by infallible research methods.
(1:38:51) “We Fix the League: Replay Edition.” Saints get screwed, Eagles get screwed, Broncos get screwed. We fix the league. Cameo by a weird NFL rule.
(1:44:58) Week 3 predictions including the “Infallible Sports Pals ‘Sure Thing’ Bets of the Week” and our ongoing segment “Guess How Much the Dolphins Will Lose By.” Cameo by spacing out.
That’s it!
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There’s a book, and now week 1 is in it. 16 games between 32 teams -- and we're chattin' about 'em!
(1:00) Banter: The pals are feeling overwhelmed! We talk moderation & tolerance but it’s not about booze. Cameo by a Harlem Globetrotters kind of scenario.
(4:39) A QB controversy in Baltimore? Baltimore Ravens @ Miami Dolphins. Cameo by B.S. jobs.
(11:54) “We Fix the League:” Dan & Andre play commissioner and fix the preseason. NY Giants @ Dallas Cowboys. Cameo by old people Meccas.
(17:59) “The Humility Minute:” The things we were perhaps slightly less correct about. Tennessee Titans @ Cleveland Browns. Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles. Cameo by the haters.
(25:30) “The Infallible Greatness Hour:” We predicted a ton of stuff that went right. But nobody could have predicted Gardner Minshew’s swagger. Kansas City @ Jacksonville. Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears. Cameo by In-N-Out milkshakes.
(33:31) “Analytics: The Future Now now now…” We crunch the numbers, look at the math, and tell you why the Denver Broncos are on the cutting edge. Denver Broncos @ Oakland Raiders. Cameo by the windows to the soul.
(39:39) “We Get It:” Jared Goff...we get it. LA Rams @ Carolina Panthers. “We Get it:” Hey Patriots...we get it. Pittsburgh Steelers @ New England Patriots. Cameo by a serious moment.
(45:08) “The NFL Gives Back Charitable Moment of the Week:” The Seahawks make one lucky local very happy. Cincinnati Bengals @ Seattle Seahawks. Cameo by technique.
(48:36) Our weekly awards! The “way to get it out of your system” award with nominees Jameis Winston & Josh Allen. San Francisco 49ers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Buffalo Bills @ NY Jets. Cameo by the letter W.
(58:09) The “great job exceeding expectations” award with nominees the Colts & the Texans. Indianapolis Colts @ LA Chargers. Houston Texans @ New Orleans Saints. Cameo by a revolutionary roster building idea.
(1:09:08) The “establish the run” award with nominees Mike Zimmer & Matt Patricia. Atlanta Falcons @ Minnesota Vikings. Detroit Lions @ Arizona Cardinals. Cameo by determination.
(1:15:16) “The Detroit Lions Fan Suicide Alert Level:” Pretty High. This game ended in a tie but thank goodness for TJ Hockenson. Kyler Murray got comfortable and it was scary. Cameo by a frank discussion of emotions.
(1:23:27) Week 2 Preview: We look forward to the best and most interesting matchups of the upcoming week. Cameo by plumbing.
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The ever-changing NFC South and the "black and blue" NFC North. We talk strengths and weaknesses, make record predictions, and give you each team's #1 most outrageous made-up storyline of the year. It's football chat time! No banter this time - the pals get right into it. NFC NORTH (1:44) Detroit Lions - Andre gets to talk about his favorite team. Kenny Golladay catches footballs and it's impressive. Keys to the season: The offense needs to get better and the defense needs to get better. Those corners scare me and that D-line is scary. Cameo by tempered optimism. (16:52) Minnesota Vikings - Skol! We think the season hinges on one player in particular. Cameo by statistics. (24:34) Chicago Bears - Defense is a check mark. QB is a question mark. Cameo by the all-name team. (31:37) Green Bay Packers - Can Aaron Rodgers drag this team to success, or will they have a third straight losing season? Andre complains about how Rodgers complains. Cameo by pandering to Wisconsin but also Andre being a mean Lions fan. NFC SOUTH (42:15) New Orleans Saints - They keep getting good players to play with Drew Brees and it's not fair. Cameo by sheisty jewelers. (53:03) Atlanta Falcons - 2018: Year of the boo boos. 2019: Year of the yay yays? Cameo by Takk McKinley's grandma. (1:05:24) Carolina Panthers - A young offense and an old defense. What a wacky mismatch! We come up with a way to take the internet by storm and it involves Cam Newton. Cameo by a convoluted time travel scenario. (1:14:30) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - They're hungry for some W's...but is it dinner time yet? Has the chef prepared the W's adequately? This metaphor doesn't make sense. Cameo by portmanteaus. (1:20:59) The pals go over their playoff seeds and make their Super Bowl predictions. Enter our jersey giveaway and keep your eyes peeled for our upcoming post-week 1 football chat! infalliblesportspals@gmail.com
The NFC East and West: strengths and weaknesses, record predictions, and each team's #1 most outrageous made-up storyline of the year -- it's football chat time!
(1:40) Banter: The pals are JAZZED. They kind of get jazz music. Not really though. (4:11) As standup comedians, the pals give you a look into the mind of a standup comedian devoted to the craft. Or at least some guy who posted on r/standup. (11:38) We dive in to the football with analysis, predictions, and the craziest possible made-up storyline. Cameo by Manti Te'o's love life. NFC EAST (13:48) Philadelphia Eagles - Carson Wentz is a brittle boy but boy does that roster looks good. Cameo by a bold prediction. (19:53) Dallas Cowboys - Why hasn't Jerry Jones fired Jason Garrett? Cameo by conspiracy theories. (28:32) Washington Redskins - Something's going wrong and nobody knows why. Maybe they should change their team name. We start talking about the Cowboys again. Cameo by red yarn. (37:14) NY Giants - They have an elite RB and it doesn't matter but boy is it fun to watch. Andre is happy that Snacks is on the Lions now. Let's all just agree to support Eli Manning because that's the true path to happiness. A truly unnecessary rabbit hole about WR2 Bennie Fowler. Cameo by fruit. NFC WEST (56:56) LA Rams - Los Angeles loves the Rams! Probably because Sean McVay is very attractive and very smart. Cameo by Legos. (1:10:35) Seattle Seahawks - Seattle fans are introverted but they still shout about their team. And the team is worth shouting about! Cameo by a cameo by Dan Patrick. (1:23:55) Arizona Cardinals - They're planning an air raid offense. They will raid the air. On offense. Sounds risky. Cameo by slick wordplay. (1:30:26) San Francisco 49ers - The fates of John Lynch, Kyle Shannahan, and Jimmy G are intertwined. Cameo by mental health awareness. Download the next episode - part 2 of our NFC Preview - to hear our predictions about the NFC North and the NFC South. If you haven't already entered our jersey giveaway, listen to the beginning of the podcast for instructions. infalliblesportspals@gmail.com
Strengths and weaknesses, record predictions, and each team's #1 most outrageous made-up storyline of the year -- it's football chat time! (1:00) The pals are JUICED! Dan and Andre banter about that word's origin and shout out to Lizzo. AFC SOUTH (5:45) Indianapolis Colts - Andrew Luck doesn't owe anything to anyone and now the rest of his team is in a pickle. Cameo by professional etiquette. (10:53) Houston Texans - All aboard the crazy trades! No GM means nobody's in charge. Will it work? Cameo by Deshaun Watson's life flashing before his eyes. (17:36) Jacksonville Jaguars - Can Nick Foles thrive again? Can the defense bounce back? Cameo by sliding into DMs. (25:49) Tennessee Titans - Do we believe in Mariota? (Hint: No.) Cameo by the juggernaut. AFC EAST (29:47) Miami Dolphins - The Fish Tank! Get it? Cameo by giving up. (37:46) New England Patriots - They just keep winning. Cameo by volcanoes. (42:38) Buffalo Bills - Josh Allen just looks so good in shorts. Andre repeats his "intentional turnover" theory without realizing he already said it in the last episode. Cameo by shorts. (48:30) NY Jets - Hey Darnold! Move it, football head! Cameo by John Cusack.
AFC WEST (54:03) Denver Broncos - Mama mia is Vic Fangio good at defense. Cameo by Dan's optimism. (1:01:05) Kansas City Chiefs - Patrick Mahomes likes ketchup, which is what this team will have to do if they can't sort out that defense. Cameo by morality. (1:06:14) LA Chargers - Philip Rivers keeps pumping out kids and playoff losses. Cameo by SoCal geography. (1:16:21) Oakland Raiders - Will they fail in a spectacular fashion? Or just in a normal fashion? Cameo by Antonio Brown's occupational hazards. AFC NORTH (1:20:06) Cleveland Browns - Cleveland doesn't suck anymore. Cameo by threepeats. (1:27:39) Baltimore Ravens - Run 'n' gun 'n' fun with Lamar Jackson at the helm. Dan and Andre differ in their predictions! Cameo by the analytics guys once again. (1:32:00) Pittsburgh Steelers - The Steelers just replace their guys and stay just as good. What's up with that? Cameo by Good Will Hunting. (1:39:38) Cincinnati Bengals - New coach, who dis? Cameo by Marvin Lewis' depression. (1:45:58) Dan and Andre go over their playoff seeds and Super Bowl predictions. Cameo by hire us, ESPN.
The NFL's main trends, questions, and storylines heading into the 2019 season - it's football chat time! (1:00) Dan & Andre banter about the preseason, perennial hype trains that never deliver, and their favorite non-football parts of watching football. Cameos by: positive masculinity, Frank's hot sauce, and the nerd/jock binary. (11:11) We talk quarterbacks: How much more will we see out of the old QBs who are elite and Eli Manning? How about the slightly-less-old and very-much-not-old guys? How have NFL teams adapted their plans to suit college QBs? Cameos by: the common cold, the "Deshaun" power rankings, and intentional turnovers.
(26:55) We talk X's and O's: What offensive schemes will dominate this year? How will the speedy Chiefs and Rams build on their 2018 dominance? Can bigger offenses like the Ravens and worse ones like the Lions thrive as well? How will defenses respond? Cameos by: blue kool-aid, grocery store orphans, and Denard Robinson's shoelaces (49:21) We talk teams with interesting years ahead of them: A "Wild Card" team with a new coach who maybe doesn't deserve to be there, the lovable losers who have turned their franchise around by strategically not sucking anymore, and the team that most resembles an incompetent villain's plot to overtake football. Cameos by: NFL Europe, free seafood zones, the downside of zen contentedness Remember to enter the jersey giveaway (instructions at (0:00)) and thanks for being a pal!
Dan & Andre say "hey" and give you the inside scoop about the podcast - Who are we? What are we doing? Why are we here? Oh God, why are we here!?