Five Minute Family: Recent Episodes
Clear View Retreat
Your family matters. And, it is in the random minutes throughout the day when you can show just how much you love them. Five Minute Family is a quick five-minute podcast to give you encouragement, ideas, and biblical wisdom to get you motivated to begin investing five minutes a day (that snowball into more and more minutes) to transform your family life.
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever heard the words, “I want to be a Christian but I don’t know how?” The simplicity of that question hides the longing and surrender that came before and the further learning that will follow. If you have never had the opportunity to share the gospel message with someone, we hope that you will pray to the Lord that He includes you in someone else’s faith journey. The confusion that comes before and the questions you might get are worth it when you see the hope shine in someone’s eyes.
As a Christ-centered family, we all must be careful to NOT contribute to the confusion and questions that our loved ones will face, especially our children. When we were in Panama on our mission trip, we presented the gospel, asked if anyone would like to pray, and then prayed aloud so that if anyone wanted to make their confession of faith, they could do so. We did not ask a bunch of theological questions first. We did not make sure that they were in perfect alignment, doctrinally speaking. We took to heart the straightforward message of Romans 10:9-11, “That you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”
Five Minute families, we know that not all of the people who make a profession of faith have come to know the Lord. Some thought they had to say it to get something. Some did not understand. Some just love the attention. But, that isn’t really for us to decide. We must take them on their word that they have made a profession of faith. Then, discipleship begins. On a short-term international mission trip, the discipleship aspect falls to the local church (and we must pray for the local church in earnest), but at home, we have to make sure that we have presented the gospel message without all the worldly frustrations, traditions, and confusions that we may add to it unknowingly. It is good for our children to know the story of David and Goliath, Moses and Egypt, Samson, and more, but they need to know primarily the good news of Jesus Christ.
We encourage you to take a moment to pray for your immediate family members. Think about their needs; ask God to open a door to discuss their faith journey. Maybe they will share with you that moment that God illuminated His truth in their life and we will see that you have a brother or sister in Christ sitting before you.
Or, you might realize that while your loved can find and memorize Scripture and tell you the proper answer to every Bible story, he or she might not have had a moment in which God called him to Himself. He may not even fully understand what the gospel message actually is. If that is the case, then make sure you don’t inundate your family member with a bunch of demanding questions. Ask God to reveal to you which Scriptures to share and what points to discuss.
Be prepared at all times to share the gospel message with anyone who crosses your path, but likewise, be prepared to share the gospel message to someone you know has heard it in some form a hundred times before at church events. Maybe you learned to share the salvation story through what some commonly call the “Romans Road” or maybe you have heard of the “Share Jesus Without Fear” questions, and you prefer that method. Whatever God impresses upon you and wherever He leads, be faithful to open the discussion about whether or not your loved one is saved.
Now, don’t ask them every day or try to convince them if they do not make a profession of faith right then and there. You are not the Holy Spirit. But, you are to be a faithful servant of the Lord, and you can open the discussion, and even if it breaks down, you can ask permission to circle back again in the future.
Remember, five minute parents, the conversations with our children can be confusing to them. They might not understand the difference between “believe” and “believe in your heart.” They might be afraid of giving the wrong answer, so they shut down even as they are responding to God’s call. They might get confused that they have to pray a specific prayer, a specific way or they are not saved.
Be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to lead you as you lead your children in the truth and knowledge of Him. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Kim and I had a wonderful opportunity to go with our two youngest sons on an international mission trip. Our many thanks go out to the local church members who supported us and the entire team. While we may not all be able to go, we can all be mission-minded with our time, talents, and prayers.
With our mission trip still fresh in my mind, I had another blessed occasion to share a devotional with the ladies of my church at a special “Tea Party” themed fellowship. As I researched the positive effects of herbal teas, I came across this quote: “herbal teas are a unique class among beverages and function as a cornerstone in physical and mental well-being.” It was the word ‘cornerstone’ that caught my eye.
As Acts 4:11 points out, Jesus is the believer’s cornerstone. All that we do, say, have, want, and need should be squared properly on the ultimate cornerstone.
Exactly, and so with a play on words ending in the -tea sound, I built on the cornerstone of Jesus Christ for the devotional message at our tea party. Here are five figurative -teas that God would have us Christ-followers make sure that we have, do, or be.
The first -tea God wants for us is CERTAINTY. Certainty for our SALVATION. We are free from doubt of where our eternal home will be. John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” The assurance and confidence we have in Christ’s sacrifice is the foundation for all of our earthly living.
The second -tea is CLARITY. We need to gain clear understanding of God’s word so that we grow in SANCTIFICATION. Sanctification is the process of growing more and more Christlike, and as John 17:17-19 states, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I sanctify myself for them, so that they also may be sanctified by the truth. As Jesus prayed for His disciples, so we must pray for one another.” Each of us will go through struggles, but we must keep God’s truth at the forefront of our minds and pray for one another when effective communication and decision-making are needed in our walk with the Lord.
The third -tea is CAPABILITY. 1 Peter 4:10-11 says, “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.” We each have different TALENTS, different abili--ty. Just as one person is the head, someone else is a foot. We each are necessary for our biblical community.
And, that brings us to our fourth -tea COMMUNITY. A biblical community is a group of Christ followers fostering a sense of belonging and support. That is concept called ONE ANOTHERING. The phrase "one another” appears about 100 times in the New Testament, 59 of those occurrences are specific commands teaching us how (and how not) to relate to one another. "Love one another" appears eleven times alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.” Likewise, biblical community and one anothering goes hand-in-hand with curiosity such as 1 Corinthians 10:24 encourages, “No one is to seek his own good, but the good of the other person.” We cannot seek the good of someone if we do not know them. We must be inquisitive and eager to engage in community.
And, our final -tea to think about today is CONNECTIVITY. Connectivity is the state of being connected or interconnected, highlighting its interlinked, integrated, and unified aspects. UNITY Umm, that can be awfully hard sometimes, but like Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org said, “Our pursuit of unity is designed to give us many opportunities to die to our own sin and bear with the sin of others.”
Though they don’t all specifically use the word ‘unity,’ there are well over 100 verses of the Bible that address connectivity through unity. One verse that does specifically use the word unity is Psalm 133:1 -- “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”
But, what does the word dwell mean in the Bible? It means to be fully present in a place or with a person.” If someone upsets us by how they act, what they wear, what they say, etc, we must choose to stay FULLY PRESENT in the relationship. We might need to spend some alone time with the Lord, of course, but He brought this family and biblical community together, and He can bring connectivity if each one of us is willing to come out of our own personal, selfish desires and dwell together in unity. Now, note, that that unity must be based on God’s word, not tradition or personal preferences.
No matter what -tea God may have pricked your ears on, remember to call upon His name and He will guide you. In His ultimate authority, the almighty has given us eternity. Drink your tea, five-minute families and be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are so glad you are joining us for the third and final devotion in our comfort zone series. If you missed the other two, please check them out on your favorite podcast app or head over to our website clearviewretreat.org.
Comfort zone has its risks and benefits, and as we mentioned at the beginning of this series, the comfort zone can be a tool. If the family comfort zone is used wisely, it can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.
Bfreecoaching on reddit wrote it well, so we won’t even try to paraphrase it. They wrote, “Getting out of your comfort zone can inspire you to make changes, but your comfort zone is the sustainable component that empowers you to stick with those changes and receive their full benefits in the long-term. Your comfort zone is where you feel loved, supported, appreciated, valued, secure and worthy; and staying there is how you thrive. So instead of leaving your comfort zone — expand it — so you feel more comfortable doing more things. Then you can create the life you want through comfort and satisfaction, instead of discomfort and fear.”
So, we can see the tool analogy we mentioned. Truly, the perfect use of the comfort zone is to find the place wherein the family is applying God’s Word and acting in ways that honor Him while knowing their individual worth by simply being made in His image. If the bad of the comfort zone is ‘feeling over doing or being,’ and the benefits demonstrate the ‘being over doing or feeling,’ then the best application of the family comfort zone is encouraging ‘Doing WHILE being.’ Expand your comfort zone.
Here are but five verses to get you started:
Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”
Galatians 5:1-26 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery”
2 Timothy 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”
Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”
James 1:22 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only.”
As your family gains confidence in the routine aspects of the comfort zone and encouraging daily family life, each of you is able to point your focus on other more challenging tasks, tasks that will likely take more mental and physical energy - tasks to expand and enrich your comfort zone. Likewise, after a family comfort zone expansion challenge, meaning your family has pushed the boundaries of the typical comfort zone, either individually or together, you get to then return to better known situations and be renewed to continue the cycle of rejuvenation and expansion of your comfort zone.
2 Peter 3:18 tells us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Growing in grace involves expansion of the comfort zone. It involves loving others who are unknown to you, it involves facing your fears together, it involves being devalued by outsiders but remembering your intrinsic worth. Keeping your focus on God’s truth allows you to feel appreciated even if everyone on the outside of your family comfort zone does not appreciate you. And, so much more.
Now, lest you think you have nothing to give, remember 1 Corinthians 12:5-7, “There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God works all of them in each person. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person for the common good.” You have been given an aspect of God’s spirit to work in His kingdom - in your family and in your community.
1 timothy 4:14-15 admonishes us not to “neglect the gift that is in” us and to “Practice these things; be committed to them, so that your progress may be evident to all.”
Ask yourselves these questions, “Has my family rightly applied the concept of the family comfort zone?”
If not, “how have we failed to create a supportive, loving, godly comfort zone for our family?” OR “how have we allowed the comfort zone to hold us back?”
If you do have a good and godly family comfort zone, how can you begin to expand it for your individual goods, collective good, and most importantly, for God’s kingdom?
As you contemplate your family comfort zone, we encourage you to pray for and with one another. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last time we were together, we discussed the risks of staying in the comfort zone. The comfort zone is all about what is known. It is the place or situation in which we feel at ease and without stress.
For a reminder, if we fail to heed the risks of the comfort zone, we fall prey to only feeling over doing - our sense of ease over taking action. The good of the comfort zone is that we see that our being - our very existence - is more important than any action we could ever take. Being over doing is the good of the comfort zone.
A good biblical example of the good of the comfort zone is Mary of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Mary stopped her “doing” and entered into a place of “being.” She sat at the feet of Jesus, focusing on the very purpose of life and her existence within His kingdom. Our families are to be comfort zones like when we sit at the feet of Jesus. Our family comfort zone offers safety, security, peace, rest, and support.
Let’s start with the first two: safety and security. Those words are often used together, almost synonymously as adjectives, and while safe can also only be a noun and secure can also only be a verb, safe and secure (safety and security) are two sides of the same coin. Safe or safety is more readily defined as the personal feeling or condition of being free from harm whereas secure or security more readily involves the act of protection the efforts or measures that are outside of the person.
Proverbs 18:10 demonstrates that “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” When the family holds tight to God’s word and his power, the family comfort zone should be secure. Job 11:18 “And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.”
How? When a family member is struggling, the family comfort zone allows for a space that is both safe and secure. Think of a child being bullied at school. Having home a respite where the child knows he or she will be able to relax and know that others cannot hurt them there is part of the job of being a parent. Moms and dads, this means that you MUST be monitoring your children’s devices, especially if your child has any social media, texting, or gaming app that allows for more than pre-fab comments. Home is not secure if people are allowed to attack us from the false anonymity of their devices.
Next, the family comfort zone should offer peace and rest. A website I found summarized the difference this way, “Peace is a state of calmness and tranquility, while rest is a physical or mental state of relaxation or recovery.” John 16:33 reminds us of God’s peace, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” And, in Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
How does a family comfort zone provide peace and rest? First, we need to remember that we are all wired differently. Some family members will need much more sleep than the others. Some will need quieter spaces to find their peace and rest whereas some will feel rested after a fun, loud family game night. To have a family comfort zone that works for each of you, you will need to stay observant and open to different options as needed.
And, lastly, a family comfort zone must offer support. Support means to bear all or part of the weight of something. It means to literally hold up if needed. Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Every single one of us will need support at some point in our lives. By choosing a family life of one anothering, a family member will always know that even if they mess up royally, they will have the loving support of their family, and yes, that even includes holding them accountable for any bad behavior. God calls us into His righteousness, so support is holding one another up even when we must face the full consequences of our bad actions.
Five minute families, is your home a comfort zone? Can you find peace, rest, safety, security, and support from one another? Take a breath, read God’s Word, and ask for forgiveness if you haven’t created a positive and encouraging family comfort zone. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you today? We have been under some chaotic, stressful, filled with unknown type of situations recently, and it got us thinking… wouldn’t it be nice for things to be how they were… comfortable, chill, and known? Known… That is what the comfort zone is all about. The known.
The comfort zone is a place or situation where we feel safe, at ease, and without stress. Some say the comfort zone is good; some say it is bad. Some say it is neither good nor bad. We say that the comfort zone can be a tool, and if used wisely, can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.
But, before we dive into the good and wise uses of the comfort zone, let’s focus this first week in our “Comfort Zone” series to address the pitfalls that come from returning to or staying too long in the comfort zone. If you settle into your comfort zone and then begin to value feeling over doing, you will find yourself with a host of problems.
First, the comfort zone will quickly and easily allow someone to become complacent. Complacency is being pleased with ourselves without awareness of some potential danger or defect. It is most basically summarized as self-satisfaction. Luke 6:46 warns against this when it says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” Complacency in action often means inaction in reality. James 4:17 cautions us, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”
Second, the comfort zone has led many folks in complicity. Complicity is “the state of being involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.” Now, we aren’t meaning full blown illegal behavior necessarily, but being complicit in the family’s comfort zone, might be starting another episode of the show you have been binge watching when you know your brother or sister hasn’t gotten anything done that they were supposed to do that day. We see this biblically in Exodus 32. Aaron is asked by the Israelites to return to the comfort zone of polytheistic worship, and he steps right back into that comfort zone with them by creating the Golden Calf.
Third, the comfort zone offers us protections from the fear of the unknown. The uneasiness created within us when we are doing something new can lead to disharmony and frustration among our family members. When one of us is uneasy, it can rub off on the others, so the comfort zone may keep us looking inward (and ultimately creating even more unknowns). We cry out “There’s a lion outside” like the slacker in Proverbs 22:13, but the lion is in our imaginations.
Fourth, the comfort zone leads us to settling for “just enough” and thus avoiding exceling. Settling in the comfort zone typically means the basic needs are met, but our wants and deepest desires are not. Proverbs 13:4 informs us that “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing.” Matthew 6:33 tells us to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” But, if we are stuck in the comfort zone in our family, we won’t challenge ourselves and each other to achieve more for the kingdom of God or for our loved ones.
Fifth, the comfort zone gives us a false sense of control. For anyone who has heard me speak about the illusion of control, you know that we cannot give into the false truths that come from thinking that we can control all the minutia of how our lives will go. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We do not control the world around us, nor the people in our families or biblical communities, but the comfort zone brings that illusion.
Is your home a limiting, avoidant comfort zone? Much of life is about balancing risks and rewards. Be aware of the risks of the comfort zone, so that you and your loved ones can avoid the pitfalls. Do not let the risks of the comfort zone overwhelm your home and your family.
Next week, we are going to chat about the good of the comfort zone, so don’t miss it!
Thank you for joining us today. Please be sure to check out our website clearviewretreat.org for upcoming family events at our retreat located in Lancing, Tennessee, or drop us a comment on our facebook, instagram, or x pages. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever gone snow skiing before? Some people have great spatial and physical awareness. And, for them, skiing becomes a dream of freedom and fun. For others, however, snow skiing when you do not yet have full awareness can be quite frightening.
Now, if you have a parent or spouse who was told how to control their skis, and they have the spatial and physical awareness, skiing was easy for them. A few runs to get the full gist of when and how to control the force of gravity acting upon your body, and they were ready for more challenging slopes. For those of us who do not have that type of spatial and physical awareness, being introduced to the more difficult runs too soon can be a painful or terrifying experience.
Why mention that? Because, parents, you may have experiences with your spouse or child in which you have the spiritual knowledge or emotional skills to understand the forces acting on you and your family and handle those experiences completely differently than your spouse or child even though they have been exposed to the same set of current circumstances but whose past experiences (or nonexistent experiences) have not prepared them to handle the new experience well.
Another example, are those younger children who are allowed to participate in older children’s activities due to their parents’ involvement. The adults do not realize that they are setting the younger children up for attitudes of hubris since these younger children have the security of a new experience with mom or dad nearby while, when it is finally an age-appropriate activity, they have comparative few fears or concerns and often sit in judgment and pride toward other children their own age experiencing the situation for the first time - but those friends are without the security of their parents around. None of the kids really understand the experiential or emotional differences. And, unfortunately, it happens more than the adults realize. The set-up is for the adults’ convenience sake, but the offense to the other children judged by the advantaged ones is still very real.
Those are just two of uncountable examples of an imbalances or differences in experience, maturity, awareness, physical ability, and more. How do we five-minute families deal with these within our own families and communities?
First, we must remember the concept of 2 Peter 1: 5-8. We each have different measures of qualities that need to be refined and strengthened. “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities and they are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Families, remember that not everyone knows what you know or can do what you do.
Second, don’t let age be your only gauge. I once heard an elderly woman say, “I am old, so listen to me” even though she had completely missed the point of what the younger (middle aged) man was saying. Elihu’s words in Job 32 to Job and his three friends immediately came to mind. He said, “I am young in years, while you are old; therefore I was timid and afraid to tell you what I know. I thought that age should speak and maturity should teach wisdom. But it is the spirit in a person—the breath from the Almighty—that gives anyone understanding. It is not only the old who are wise or the elderly who understand how to judge.” Now, please don’t mis-hear us. Be respectful of your elders, but elders, you need to also be respectful of those younger than you.
Third, slow down. Nothing can summarize that better than James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” We must take a moment and let God’s word be our guide, not our flesh.
Fourth, seek Godly counsel. Speak with a pastor, coach, mentor, or counselor if you or a loved one is struggling in some way - whether it is because you are struggling with the differences in how you see your situation or for some other reason. Proverbs 19:20 as well as many other verses advise us, to “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”
Fifth, never forget to pray about the situation you find yourself in. Of course, that goes for everything since we are to pray without ceasing, but James 1:5 applies here especially, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.”
Five minute families, we have the opportunity to strengthen our weaknesses and share our strengths when we realize our differences in abilities and work together for the glory of God. May you and your loved ones be blessed this week!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you doing this week? Do you have your daily, intentional family time carved out and part of your routine yet? If not, please take five minutes to go back and listen to the very first Five Minute Family podcast on your favorite podcast player. Our hope for your family is that you grow closer to one another, seeing the uniqueness of each individual creating a distinctive and amazing family identity.
Today, let’s discuss the concept of waiting, the concept of “not yet.” Have you ever trained a dog? My sister trained our childhood dog to “wait” despite his favorite treat - a slice of cheese - being placed on the floor in front of him. He would look away, eyeball the cheese, and then look up at her expectantly. It was hard, but he knew that she always gave him good and wonderful things - her love, her attention, his needs met, and treats - yummy, yummy treats. There were times that if he listened and left the piece of cheese alone on the ground, she would give him a bigger one, and then, almost always he got the one that had been placed before him as well.
Now, obviously, we are not created to be obedient dogs to the Lord, but we could learn a lot from them. When we dream something and it seems almost possible but not yet quite attainable, do we trust our Lord and Savior to do what is best for His glory and our good, or do we try to scoot around and get closer to dream another way? Do we just reach out and grab it when it isn’t the best timing? To further the dog analogy, we could have had two pieces of cheese if we had waited but we didn’t.
We must remember in our time of “not yet” that God may be preparing us to be ready to receive properly. Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Often times, God is protecting us from something we cannot see. Psalm 3:3 states, “But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.” At the time of Kim’s sister training their dog, there had been some evil people leaving poisoned food along the walkways to harm animals. Their dog needed to follow her commands in order to be protected from this danger.
“Not yet” seasons are often growth seasons. We might not be able to see the work being done on our roots, but when the moment arrives, the strength that we have gained allows us to appreciate the dream, the goal, or even the peace all the more. Don’t forget what God says in James 1:2, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”
Isaiah 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” It is not yet time. Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Sometimes, five-minute families, it is simply not yet time. We have to remember all the things that God has brought us through so that we can trust Him in this season of “not yet,” too.
And, never forget that God may have said “not yet” because He actually has a new direction for you to follow. Colossians 1:9 - “And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” We will still stay on the right path as one blogger wrote, but we must remember that the right path is God’s path, and so if He leads you to a place of not yet and then redirects you, He does have a plan and a purpose.
As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, we must “Trust in the Lord with all our heart; and lean not on our own understanding. We must acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths.” We need to be unwavering in holding onto God as we walk this life together. When one of us in the family experiences frustration or difficulty in the season of “not yet,” then we get to encourage one another, sharing stories of God’s faithfulness, either from His word or from our own lives. We thank you for joining us this week and God bless!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you feel stuck, ill-equipped, or unknowledgeable? Think back to your early years of schooling. You weren’t born knowing how to read; you went through a process to learn how to read. The thing is that most of us forget the process of the things we now know and begin to do automatically. However, when something challenging comes along, we are often frustrated that we do not know or understand how to handle the situation. Don’t forget, though, that growing in the Lord as a family is a process, and we each have to learn how to hold to Him and extend His grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
Whenever you feel discouraged or unaware, remember the word “yet.” So, “I don’t know” becomes “I don’t know YET.” “I don’t understand”… “I don’t understand YET.”
Remember what James wrote in James 1:5, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.” That verse doesn’t say you will know immediately when something happens, especially as a family with various levels of biblical knowledge and application. Take a breath and pray for wisdom to come. Remember, in Psalm 27:14, we are reminded to wait for the Lord.
Here are five suggestions:
Refocus your mind on Christ. James 3:13-17 Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense.
Seek godly counsel. Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.
Control your emotions. Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Emotions are normal, how you respond to those emotions is the challenge set before us.
Be humble. Don’t try to get ahead of the Lord like Sarah did. Remember 1 Corinthians 3:18-20, “Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, let him become a fool so that he can become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, since it is written, He catches the wise in their craftiness; and again, The Lord knows that the reasonings of the wise are futile.”
Stay hopeful. As Psalm 130:5 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.”
Five minute families, none of us know everything we need to know to deal with the issues that will arise. The flipside of the encouraging “yet” is, for example, we will face death in our immediate families, but we have not yet. We will face addiction in our family or biblical community, but we have not yet. We will have moments of overwhelm, irritation, rebellion, disinterest, and so much more, in our families, even if we haven’t yet.
Don’t let “yet” be a negative word in your home. Hold tight to God’s truth that nothing is new under the sun and that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge (Proverbs 1:7). Since wisdom resides in the heart of the discerning (Proverbs 14:33), we know that by holding onto God in difficult or simply confusing times, we can come out the other side, praising Him and being even more effective to share His truth and light to those around us who are hurting.
Steve Laube put it this way, “In every sense Jesus is our “yet.” Everything before Him pales when compared to the after.” John 1: 11-12 says, “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” And again we see ‘yet’ in John 11:25, “Jesus said unto her, ‘I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.'”
Don’t despair with “We can’t seem to get grace, mercy, and forgiveness right…” “We can’t seem to get grace, mercy, and forgiveness right…yet!” Add the yet! Adopt an attitude of ‘yet.’
As Jeff Schreve wrote, “Yet is an encouraging word of faith that drives away the gloom of doubt and disbelief.” You’ll get there, families. Trust God and be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Tying back to our last 2023 devotion about demonstrating emotions, today we want to explore the Bible verses surrounding the appropriateness of emotions themselves.
I watched a reel that demonstrated someone coming to their spouse and sharing that the spouse’s behavior had made them feel badly. The spouse immediately got defensive and said that they weren’t mean. To skip to the summary, the spouse felt if they agreed with their significant other’s feelings, then the spouse would be admitting they were wrong. But, feelings about a situation are not right or wrong. As Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org writes, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.”
Jesus had feelings. He wept, which indicates he felt sadness and loss. We know he was distressed in Mark 14. He felt and had compassion for those around him. He got frustrated when he was at the temple, and we know he felt tempted but, of course, never sinned.
If Jesus had feelings, we do not have to adopt an attitude of stoicism to be a good Christian. Thankfully, we know that God created emotions and emotions themselves are neither bad nor good. It is what we do with our emotions that matter. Remember, like we said in our past devotion, it is ok to have big emotions, but it is what we do with those emotions that matters most.
As Christ-followers, we can be emotional beings, not the negative connotation of emotional, but the willingness to allow ourselves and others to feel, acknowledge, accept, and process their emotions. When someone we love dies, even after a long and painful season, we can be sad, we can weep, we can allow ourselves to feel the levels of loss that that person’s death will bring to our lives. Sometimes, our bodies will go through a period of change, of depression, of chemical imbalances. There is a time for everything, including the emotions that seem undesirable. It is through the undesirable emotions of loss, frustration, grief, and more that we learn about our loved ones - both those who are left behind and those who have died. It is through undesirable emotions that we often learn more about ourselves - what motivates us, what triggers us, what causes us to get up and get moving each morning. You get the idea.
So, let’s talk about five more emotions addressed in the Bible.
First, delight. In Psalm 37:4, we read, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Delight. We are allowed to feel pleasure, to feel good about our lives, our families. That delight must begin with the Lord.
Second, affection. Romans 12:10 tells us to “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” We can enjoy being with someone - a husband, a friend, a church family member. We can feel fondly for one another and enjoy being together.
Third, fear. Remember, nowhere in the Bible do we read that Jesus felt fear. And, God’s word tells us, according to some, 365 times not to fear. If God’s word addresses fear that many times, then we know that we are going to experience it, but let’s take those fearful thoughts captive, and turn the spirit of fear on its head as Luke 12:4-5 encourages us to do, “I say to you, my friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the one to fear: Fear him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the one to fear!”
Fourth, anger. So many Christians think if they get angry, they are sinning. Jesus got angry, yet He did not sin. As Psalm 37:8 points out, “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.” I think Ephesians 4:26 says it a little better, “Be angry and do not sin.”
And, fifth, joy. We know Jesus felt joy. In John 15, He tells us to abide in the Father so that His joy will be in us and our joy will be made full. We also know from Psalm 5:11 that when we take refuge in God, we will shout for joy forever.
Feel your feelings; do not suppress them. Evaluate your particular emotion’s usefulness in the moment. Will expressing it in an impulsive way achieve the goal you desire? When our niece told us they were expecting, I shouted with joy. I never thought I’d be the person to do so - we’ve all seen the videos, but that was an emotional response worth sharing. Yet, maybe the frustration with your child for not understanding how to complete a task despite hearing you explain it ten times and showing them twice as many - yeah, maybe that frustrated response would be better kept under your self-control and a well-thought out response would be better.
Love big, laugh out loud, and enjoy one another as God intends. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Most of us who were raised in the church have heard at some point, “Don’t run or play in the sanctuary.” We get to know the sanctuary as a room in the church building. But, truly what does sanctuary mean and how does that impact the five-minute family?
For most of history, the word sanctuary referred to the holiest of holy places in a church, usually where the Lord’s supper was taken. Sanctuary has both literal and figurative meanings in today’s usage. Most people refer to any place wherein they feel safe and secure as a sanctuary. Folks today who are seeking refuge, may literally go into a church and ask for figurative sanctuary.
Sanctuary has basically two main meanings in the Bible. In the old covenant, the sanctuary is a physical space considered the holiest of holies, and only the high priest is allowed to enter once a year, and if he was unclean, he would die. In Exodus 25:8, God says, “And let them make me a sanctuary, that I may dwell in their midst.” The sanctuary was a physical place for the presence of the one true God. Jeremiah 17:12 further describes it with “A glorious throne set on high from the beginning” as “the place of our sanctuary.”
As Hebrews 9 declares in verses 8 and 9, “The Holy Spirit was making it clear that the way into the most holy place had not yet been disclosed while the first tabernacle was still standing. This is a symbol for the present time, during which gifts and sacrifices are offered that cannot perfect the worshiper’s conscience.” Continuing in verse 11 that Christ came as a high priest, entering the most holy place for all time by His own blood. With this new covenant, Christ is our sanctuary. He is the high priest who brings us into the presence of the Most High God.
As we wrote this, Kim battled with these two questions:
1.Is the reason we have reduced the meaning of the word sanctuary from the holiest of holies to a personal safe place because we have slowly replaced God in our society with the little ‘g’ god of self?
2.Or, have we finally allowed ourselves to fully grasp that God is everywhere, and we can step into His holiness at any time because of the great work of Jesus Christ on the cross?
And, honestly, I think it is both/and, not either/or. If we allow ourselves to focus on the feeling of calm, the lack of conflict, or the desire for comfort, we can certainly - very quickly and easily - replace the one True God with our little ‘g’ god-selves.
HOWEVER, if we focus on God and realize that He is so much more than a room in a building, then we have allowed Him to transform our stilted, “don’t run here” thinking into welcoming Him into every facet of our lives, bringing joy, peace, calm, and comfort, no matter what storm may rage around us.
As Ezekiel 11:16 says, “Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.”
So, how does a five-minute family become a sanctuary for the Lord and for those in the family itself?
1.Be spirit led. Galatians 5:16-18, the Apostle Paul tells us to “walk by the Spirit.” Walking by the Spirit means we choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
2.Be in God’s Word daily. This is hard. Trust us, we know. There are distractions galore. Kim and I are in God’s Word daily, but we often fail to get into the word every day with our children. We don’t have any regular schedule, and this makes it that much harder. We don’t say that to make excuses; we say it to let you know we understand. We are right there with you if this is an area of struggle for your family.
3.We must set our minds on God. He says in Psalm 91:14, “Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” To set our minds on God, we must choose to think about God throughout our days, not just during our daily reading or at church.
4.Be authentic. Just as Paul was authentic in 1 Corinthians 2. Remember, he did not go to them proclaiming Christ with lofty speech or wisdom. He spoke of nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified. Paul went to them in his weakness in fear and in trembling. His speech and message were not the orator’s best, but the Holy Spirit used Paul’s authenticity to show the power of God.
5.Be forgiving. No one feels safe if they aren’t sure if they will be attacked at any time for a past mistake. As Ephesians 4 reminds us, “Forgive as God forgave you.”
Live for God, be His sanctuary, and offer sanctuary to one another by striving for God’s excellence in your lives. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is our first devotional in 2024. As many are doing, we are taking this time to reflect back on last year and look forward to the new one.
In years past, we have made different suggestions for families to have intentional discussions surrounding the newness concept. Last year we discussed standards, goals, resolutions, and new opportunities. The year before we discussed possibilities and planning by beginning with the end in mind, and in our first year with the Five Minute Family we suggested coming up with a family word of the year. Personally for our own family, some of these ideas worked better than others through the years, depending on the ages and needs of our children at the time.
As I was driving to be with family this holiday, I heard a podcast by Mel Robbins. She explained six questions to ask yourself as you step into the new year. The first three are focused on reviewing the past year, and the next three steps are focused on the coming year. To give that concept the Five Minute Family spin (with a bonus), let’s discuss the first three past-year reflective questions she poses.
First, what were your family highlights from last year? Remembering the good and lovely things that happened are important, even if the year had many sad or difficult moments. 1 Corinthians 11:2 encourages us to remember the wonderful gifts from our Lord: “Now I praise you because you remember me in everything.”
Just as Mel Robbins encouraged, don’t only rely on your own memory, pull out the camera roll and calendar to give you and your loved ones a fuller picture of the year.
Second question: What were your hardest moments this year as a family? Psalm 56:8 points out that God has put our tears in a bottle. As one author put it “Our sorrows matter to God.” Reflecting on those hard times allows us to remember how they affected us and is important, especially when you get to question number three.
What did you learn about yourselves this past year? There may be a bit more self-focus on this question as you discuss this as a family, but try to keep in mind the family identity you are cultivating and how the individual’s changes impact the family identity as well as how the family identity may have been fundamentally altered. What does that mean moving forward as a Christ-centered family? 1 Peter 4:10 puts it this way, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another.”
In May 2021 we discussed the “stop start continue” concept as it could be applied to the marital relationship. Mel Robbins used that concept as her second set of three questions - the forward-looking questions. Here, we want to prompt your thoughts to get your minds focused as a family on what you can collectively do.
First up in the moving forward category, what do you need to STOP doing as a family? Acts 3:19-20a states, “Therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out, that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord…” Not all of the actions you think of may be sinful, but there are actions you need to stop as a family because they may not be the most edifying. Sinful actions such a complaining or gossiping need to go, of course, but what about the actions of always calling out what someone else is doing wrong? I know I am guilty of that. As mom, it is my job to correct and instruct my children, but are there some situations in which I need to hold my tongue and let them see the need for a change in their behavior themselves?
Second in the moving forward category is, what do you need to continue doing? Are you already intentional AT LEAST five strategic moments a day to stay connected as a family? If you are reading God’s word daily, that’s another thing to keep continuing doing. Do you already build one another up with your words and actions?
And, finally, in the moving forward, almost resolution-esque category, what do you need to start doing this year to achieve your family goal or goals as a strong, godly Christ-centered family? Maybe you aren’t reading God’s word together on a regular basis, and you want to begin to do so. Maybe you need to create a family vision board and work to a goal of household chore consistency.
Whatever it may be, use what you learned about yourselves in the highlights and lowlights of last year to make realistic plans to step into 2024 one anothering as God intends. Never forget Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is holiday season as we write this. Thanksgiving into Christmas into New Year’s. Numerous work events, family gatherings, and community parties get added into most of our already busy schedules. Stress hits its highest for many folks this time of year. And, many of us begin to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or downright angry.
Thankfully, our society has come to accept healthy demonstrations of emotions much better than it has in history. However, with the rise of social media and the endless news cycle, unhealthy and maladaptive forms of emotional demonstration have become news and viral fodder. If someone gets fame for bad behavior, they have received reinforcement to behave badly.
The same holds true in our homes. If we allow the person in the family who demonstrates their negative emotions in controlling, angry, or destructive ways - whether that is the patriarch or the toddler, to control the emotional environment, we are all doomed to get-togethers of misery - anxiety, walking on eggshells, feeling unheard or controlled, the list goes on.
A family must learn to identify the emotions being felt AND learn how to communicate them in healthy, relationship building ways - yes, even the bad ones. This needs to start young if possible. In fact, as I sat down to write this evening, I just heard our son say to his very young daughter, “It’s ok to have big feelings, but you can’t act like that. You have to control yourself.” She didn’t want to eat her veggie pouch of baby food. She wanted her fruit pouch. But, by lovingly identifying the emotions she was feeling AND validating those emotions, he guided her to calm down and behave in a manner that would keep harmony despite her lack of desire to eat her veggies.
As our kids grow, this scenario plays out again and again. Our nine-year-old was upset thinking someone had thrown away his dessert that he hadn’t finished. His over-the-top demonstration of his anger and frustration did not get him any closer to eating the dessert. He was disappointed. He yelled about stubbing his toe, he angrily asked everyone where his dessert was. And, ultimately, his bad behavior cost him his ability to eat his dessert when he desired.
Five-minute parents, the same is true for us. How often are we frustrated by the extended family member who has spent a lifetime turning themselves into the victim of every real or perceived conflict. It is exhausting. It is defeating. How do we have a conversation with that person, especially when our emotions are big? Well, just like the kiddos, it is ok to have big emotions, but we have to learn how to communicate our needs in calm, healthy ways. And, sometimes, we have to realize that, no, that person may not ever change. But, we can’t let their victim mentality and inability to see the hurts and disappointments they have created to control the entire family narrative. Will it serve any good or godly purpose to confront the person at this time about their bad behavior, or will we just be heaping our own bad behavior on top? (and, incidentally, if the emotionally unhealthy person likes playing the victim, they will just feel more victimized and a perpetual cycle is established.
Yet, we know that expressing our emotions can have both mental and physical health benefits. So, we have to learn that demonstrating our emotions does not need to be slamming a door, screaming out, or talking to someone. Expressing our emotions can happen entirely in our minds in a healthy and adaptive ways in which we acknowledge their existence and make an intentional choice to respond in godly ways.
The Kansas City Heath System website explained that acknowledging our emotions can:
Help us see problems in a new light
Make decision-making and problem-solving easier
Allow us to rid ourselves of the power of the feeling and bring control of our response
Reduce anxiety
and Ease depression
It continues, “When we fail to express our emotions, our brain can often go into the fight-or-flight state. This is a physical reaction to stress that sets off a chain of events throughout our bodies. It increases our heart rate, slows digestive functions and makes us feel anxious or depressed.”
Proverbs 29:11 reminds us that “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.” And, Proverbs 15:18 says also, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but one slow to anger calms strife.” 2 Timothy 1:7 states it this way, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” Some versions say “power and love and self-control”
Five-minute families, we encourage you to recognize that IT IS OK TO HAVE BIG FEELINGS, but it truly is what we do with those feelings that matters. Will a demonstration of your anger (or whatever feeling you are having in that moment) will that demonstration serve God and build up your family member?
May God guide you as your family works to honor him with your emotional acceptance and expressions this coming year. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Are you in the Christmas spirit, or do you have a touch of the bah-humbugs? Getting into the mindset can be a challenge if we focus on only what we want. Yet, if we choose to focus on our blessings, on our triumphs - no matter how small, and of the possibilities of the future, then getting into the spirit of Christmas becomes much easier. Ultimately, our full focus needs to turn to what the season is all about - the birth of a baby who sacrificed His life for our eternal futures. Now, that is a real reason to celebrate.
That’s a good word. Celebrate. Celebrations. This past weekend we had the chance to witness a sweet proposal and to participate in the celebration that followed. This time of year, in America we have Christmas parades, Christmas pageants, Christmas cantatas, Christmas parties and more. A whole month of celebrations of the birth of Jesus and the joy of family and friends surrounding us.
Celebrations are biblical. There are the seven feasts or festivals of the Old Testament - celebrations of God and foreshadowing of the coming Messiah - Jesus Christ. Jesus Himself performed His first recorded miracle at a wedding celebration, and He used the parable of a wedding feast in Matthew 22:2.
Not only are we to celebrate God such as Psalm 34:3 “O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together” and Psalm 95:2 “Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” show. We are also to celebrate each other. Some people say, “Never miss an opportunity to celebrate.” Of course, we do not want to lessen or cheapen the experience of celebration, but we also want to make sure that we enter into celebration frequently enough to receive the benefits of celebration.
Celebration brings better physical health. When people gather in celebration, laughter often ensues. Laughter literally helps the muscles relax, the blood pressure lower, and the airways open. Folks have a tendency to perceive less pain and express more gratitude. Organ transplant recipients were studied and it was found that those who expressed gratitude got better faster and functioned better, too. So, celebrate to improve your physical health.
Celebration brings better mental health. When we choose to focus on the triumphs and accomplishments of those we love, we release endorphins, and that allows for an overall feeling of better well-being. When we see those who are for us in life, no matter how small the circle we have may be, we more from fear to fellowship and faith.
Celebration brings stronger family relationships. Special events quite often become reunions, allowing for connection and endurance of family bonds.
Celebration strengthens community relationships. When we celebrate, we issue invitations to those who are important in our lives or in that specific accomplishment. Pastors, coaches, professionals such as doctors and teachers, parental friendships, peer relationships - all are bonded more deeply when celebrations are added.
Celebration brings a healthy self-concept. One website said it best, “A healthy person understands the whole arc of life as a continuous journey, punctuated by moments of pain and of joy but always changing. Special occasions are the milestones along this journey, chances to stop and reflect on life as a whole, and on the person who has lived it.”
I think if my sister ever decides to have a second career, she needs to be a party planner. She once took dollar store birthday party gift bags and turned them into decorations for our four-year-old’s birthday party. I had a cake and ice cream for his little party and a small gift bag per child coming, but that was it. No balloons, no decorations. I hadn’t even printed invitations. I simply made phone calls. It took her maybe 30 minutes to plan and execute her decorating the room with the gift bags and various child craft items our sons had, and our son loved it.
She has asked if she is doing too much at the setup of an event, but yet, it really isn’t about doing too much for her. She is showing that the person or persons being celebrated are important to her, that they are worthy of her time and planning and decorating and even the cleaning that comes afterward. She enjoys making someone feel special, that their moment is the most important thing right then. Of course, not all of us are going to have the time or money to invest in party decorations for all the different events that come along in life, but we all have the opportunity to show others that their special days, their special moments, matter to us.
So, if you can’t afford a banner and chargers and coordinated centerpieces and matching place cards and whatever else is out there, choose to make the person’s favorite meal, write a simple note of celebration, and say a special prayer out loud over the person.
Celebrate and be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This weekend our church had a baby dedication for the new little ones in our church family. Please note that a baby dedication is not a baptism, so if you want more information about the difference, please let us know. But, as to something our pastor mentioned… “it takes a village to raise a child.”
For the longest time, that African proverb really bothered me. I think because so many politicians with nefarious educational goals and parenting ideas were constantly using the phrase when my kids were younger. But, despite how others may MIS-use the saying, truly, biblically, we are to be in community. We are to one another the hard-to-discipline kids, and their parents, too.
We are to one another the child who never speaks in Sunday school, and their parents, too. We are to one another the sports star kid and their parents as well as the kid with physical disabilities and their parents. We are to encourage, mentor, love, and support one another no matter what comes along. Through the season of parenting, we need biblical community.
Quite often, we seek out biblical community that is from our same-age peer group. We have similar experiences, similar development and maturity, and more. I still have a friend that I met on my first night of a moms’ group twenty-three years ago. Our main connecting factors at that time were that we are very close to the same age and both Christians, and, thus, that put most of our children at about the same ages.
Most of us seek out same-age peer groups for ease of communication and connection, but as Titus 2 points out, the older generations are to teach the younger generations. As a young parent, speaking to other young parents, we are all just experimenting, not really yet knowing the results, but when an older parent takes the time to share what worked for her kiddos and what didn’t IN THE LONG RUN, we can make better decisions for our children. Research is showing the importance of multi-generational community.
Hebrews 10:23-25 points, “Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, since he who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” We WILL have difficult seasons, even with neuro-typical children who have no physical, mental, or learning disabilities. Parenting each child will have moments of uncertainty and moments when we draw away from our biblical community. That’s when the community needs to step up and step in and encourage the parents and help meet the needs of the kiddos in other ways.
Remember what Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”
Take, for example, Numbers 11 and the last part of verse 17. “They will help you bear the burden of the people, so that you do not have to bear it by yourself.” In full context, this is about Moses contending with the people of Israel and their constant grumbling and complaining. Moses can only take so much, and that is true for parents sometimes. Certain seasons and certain children are very difficult. Without help, parents can reach their breaking point.
Remember that you are NOT equipped for every single element of skill and every single need that your child will have. We are equipped as godly parents, and godly parents have to be willing to trust another in the faith to teach, counsel, and encourage their children. Romans 12:3-6 “For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one. Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts.”
Parents, we need to pray that God will bring us wisdom and that He bring the right people into our and our children’s lives as needed. We must pray for mentors and peers, so that they can help build us up and help give us the insight we need to meet the needs that God intends for us to meet.
Hold tight to God and the biblical community He brought you to. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you ever complicate an issue? Overthink it? Spend so much time thinking about it from so many angles that you lose sight of what’s important? We are to plan, yet, we are also to trust the Lord as Proverbs 16:9 states, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
In life there are five essential needs of human survival. Those are air, water, food, shelter, and sleep. Likewise, as five-minute families, we need to remember the five essentials in creating a strong Christian household and we can use the five basic needs as an analogy, just as God did in His Word.
Air is the Holy Spirit. The Hebrew word for spirit is ruah, which, in its most basic sense, means breath, air, or wind. Without the Spirit, we find ourselves suffocating by the weight of our sin. Just as a patient with the lung disease COPD needs not just oxygen but also needs to expel carbon dioxide, if we do not keep ourselves attached to the spirit by praying, reading God’s Word, and obeying what it says, we will find our lungs - our lives - too filled with the carbon dioxide of sin to truly fill our lungs - our lives - with the refreshing, renewing oxygen of the Holy Spirit. Remember Acts 17:28a “For in him we live and move and have our being.”
The second essential need is water. In the Christian home we are talking about the living water of Jesus Christ. John 7:37-38 says, “On the last and most important day of the festival, Jesus stood up and cried out, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.’” And Jeremiah 2:13 “For my people have committed a double evil: They have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves—cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.”
Next is food - the milk and meat of God’s word and teachings. 1 Corinthians 3:1 and 2 reminds us that “Brothers and sisters, when I was there, I could not talk to you the way I talk to people who are led by the Spirit. I had to talk to you like ordinary people of the world. You were like babies in Christ. And the teaching I gave you was like milk, not solid food. I did this because you were not ready for solid food.” As we mature, we eat more meat. Some say the meat of God’s Word is the deeper, more complex Christian teachings, but specifically in Hebrews 5:12-13 we see that the meat of God’s word is righteousness: “Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the basic principles of God’s revelation again. You need milk, not solid food. Now, everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant.” Remember, five-minute families, we must grow in our understanding of God’s basic principles but we must also grow in righteousness.
Fourth, we all need shelter, shelter from the elements that threaten us. Thankfully, God is our strong tower as Proverbs 18:10 tells us “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are protected.”
And, last but not least, the final basic need in life is sleep. For the Christ-follower, that means both rest in the waiting and rest in the doing. We know from Matthew 11:28-30 that God will give us rest from the wearying cares of the world, and as we practice God’s Sabbath rest, He will also provide rest and renewed energy for our daily lives.
How are you doing in your homes to make sure that you yourself and your family have these five basic essentials of the Christian life met? If you feel like you are falling down in one of these areas, invite God to reveal to you what your weaknesses are and how best to address them in your family.
As always, we thank you for taking these five minutes each week to listen to the Five Minute Family devotional. We are excited to report that the podcast has now been heard in forty-seven countries. We started sharing the radio devotionals as podcasts when Dustin at WECO radio was kind enough to send them back to us with the intro and exit music added. We want folks to know about what we believe and what we teach hear at Clear View Retreat, so if you have enjoyed any of our radio shows or podcasts, please share about this Five Minute Family podcast with your friends and family. Thanks. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are rolling into the holiday season as we celebrate Thanksgiving this week. A question that millions of us will be asked in just a couple of days will be “what are you thankful for?” Sometimes in life, we aren’t feeling very thankful. Our dad may have died, we may have to move even though we don’t want to, our spouse may have lost their job, we may truly be in a place where we have no close family or friends to rely upon, and on and on.
There are lists and posts about gratitude and thankfulness. There are articles about “Things to Be Grateful For Despite Everything.” So, basically, we are to find things to be thankful and grateful for even when we aren’t FEELING thankful and grateful. Judy Ponio states it this way, “Practicing gratitude when life is beating down on you isn’t easy. In fact, it takes a special kind of inner strength and resilience to appreciate your blessings in times of hardship.”
Interestingly, the sermon at church last week was about Philippians 4 and contentment. We submit to you today that the process of becoming more grateful and the state of contentment are closely tied together. Being able to say that “Christ is enough” and coming to a state of contentment on a personal level is one thing, but since this is a family-focused devotional, let’s ask… how do we find contentment in our families when someone who must be around us is pessimistic, depressed, an argumentative non-believer, angry… you get the picture? How do we say “Christ is enough” when our children are embarrassing us or when our spouses are annoyed with us and willing to demonstrate that? How do we find contentment in Christ when our kids bicker the whole way to church and just cannot seem to stop blaming one another for the issues which arise in life? How do we find contentment in Christ when our spouse seems determined to tear us down at every turn?
Our pastor’s first point is the most applicable here for us, five-minute families… love THROUGH your circumstances. Often, we think of our circumstances of finances, death, illness, and more as basically things that are a single instance or a season of life, but if our circumstances are lifelong, such as those difficult relationships that are not going away, we can’t simply wait out the difficult situation.
Please note that we are not talking about putting good and right boundaries in place in even the most difficult relationships. We are talking about the 10-year-old who mouths off and treats mom or dad with utter contempt despite good and right boundaries. We are talking about the spousal relationship in which the other refuses to be thankful, grateful, or content. Please note, we are not talking about spousal abuse. If there is actual abuse occurring, you need to get safe and get help immediately. We are talking about difficult people who cause difficult relationships.
Back to our topic… Family contentment is largely an adult issue. It is hard, so hard, to be content with Christ when it feels like life is falling down all around you. It is hard to be content when your kids are mean to you or each other or others. It is hard to be content when you are a “glass half empty” kinda person. It is hard if your spouse embarrasses you on purpose. BUT GOD
BUT GOD… that is the whole point, right?
Indeed. In trying to develop a family culture of contentment, don’t put on a fake smile; don’t pretend that all is well. Remember, we live in a sinful, fallen world, and sometimes that world falls on us. And, sometimes, we mess up royally.
BUT GOD… our first thoughts may be rude, disrespectful, or frustrating, BUT GOD gives us the option to move forward to HIS thoughts. God thoughts are contentment. God thoughts are fulfilling. God thoughts are respectful. God thoughts are life-giving. Don’t dwell on the first thoughts. Don’t give in to the first thoughts. Don’t deny that you have first thoughts, but do NOT share them just anywhere or everywhere. God thoughts bring peace. God thoughts bring comfort. God thoughts bring hope.
So, five minute families, even if someone in the home is discontent, you must hold tighter to God’s hand. Just as vocabulary.com points out that “Contentment isn't an excited kind of happy, it's more like a peaceful ease of mind,” we must see that contentment as a family might not be an excited “we enjoyed that car ride to church this morning” type of thing, but family contentment is the peaceful response, the peaceful reconciliation, the peaceful acceptance, and the peaceful offering of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
Philippians 4 verse 11 includes the statement that is oft quoted “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself.” Paul also states in verse 14, “Still, you did well by partnering with me in my hardship.” In addition to always having the triune God with him, Paul was never alone spiritually. His church family came alongside him with his growing pains and theirs to find that contentment together is possible.
Continue praying, keep studying God’s word, seek good and godly counsel, encourage one another, and don’t give up. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We have replayed the three grief devotions that Kim wrote three years ago after the death of her stepfather in order to give our family time to grieve the loss of her father, Ken Willis.
My father died almost a month ago. His philosophy was, "I'm a dad. That's my job." For his epitaph, we wrote "I was a dad. I did my job." Because he did. He was not a perfect man. He had his troubles in life. However, he loved his daughters deeply and was proud of our accomplishments. Even when we were childish or selfish, he still loved us. He still gave of himself as he was able. He often said he only had two wishes in life: to see my sister happy and to see me happy. And, he did what he was able to help that along.
Clear View Retreat become a reality when K-pa, as Kim’s dad was affectionately known as for the last twenty-five years, wanted to support the ministry. He was the first benefactor of this nonprofit. He believed in our vision to reach families. In fact, one of the best pieces of advice we received early in our marriage, we received from him, and we share that advice at every marriage retreat we host.
As my sister and I have shared memories, I have grown to appreciate my father in a way I never did when he was living. I didn't understand him as my sister did. This period of mourning and grief has brought me a deeper gratitude for the man who wanted my happiness and desired to bring smiles to people's faces by sharing his love of music, organization, motivational sayings, and more. Our perspective shifts as life tumbles forward.
In reality, grief and gratitude coincide. Think of Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” We don’t think of those things happening in the same day, but for true healing in the grief journey to occur, they should be occurring together - though maybe not always in the same day, of course.
Grief in having left necessary things unsaid, but gratitude in knowing that my father forgave me and gratitude for my heavenly father’s forgiveness. Grief in the loss of our earthly fellowship but gratitude for the time we had. Grief in misunderstandings in life but gratitude for clarifications given after his death. Grief in the memories and gratitude for the memories.
We must never forget that Jesus wept and that Matthew 5:4 tells us, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
In grief we feel these following verses:
Psalm 142:2 I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.
Psalm 13:2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
Psalm 31:9 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
And Lamentations 5:20 Why do you continually forget us, abandon us for our entire lives?
But in gratitude we hold tight to:
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 23:1-6 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me
Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
And 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
God knows we ache for the smiles, laughs, hugs, and even frustrating moments of our loved ones when they have died. He knows that our hearts are broken and that our minds go into overdrive. God knows that we need the comfort of family, friends, and the Holy Spirit. He knows that we will fail to grieve well at times, but He is still holding us.
If you have experienced the death of a loved one like we did recently, we pray that their memory will be a blessing to you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are feeling refreshed and renewed, ready to begin the next seven weeks of a busy time here at CVR. We will be hosting all three of our organized programs during these weeks - grief retreat, family camp, and a marriage retreat, too. We feel God allowed the timing of these eventful weeks because Kim and I were just at a Christian counseling conference. God affirmed many of the things we teach here in our organized programs and gave us more equipping for the families and couples we will serve. Over the next two or three weeks, we would like to share some of the information that we found helpful and/or enlightening during the conference.
We’d like to start with a concept that we will be chewing on and revisiting as time marches on. The concept is neuroplasticity. This word and brain adaptation are not new to many folks, but what it means for a hurting family can be invaluable.
We know that God’s word says that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. How exactly does that happen? Interestingly, it was once believed that no neurons could be formed beyond 18 months of age; the science isn’t clear, but we do know that new neurons can grow, but even if they grow at a slow rate, God created the brain to be incredibly adaptable. People with brain injuries can learn to do skills such as reading or talking even if those traditional areas of the brain is damaged. Now, we don’t just have physical damage that happens to our brain. Emotional moments can greatly impact specific areas of the brain - mainly the amygdala and hippocampus. That means, even if your family has had trauma - individual or collective trauma - then despite the fact that your brains may have a specific initial reaction, it does not mean that the brain cannot be rewired to have healthier, safer, godlier responses.
Think of your old, trauma-induced or negative reactions as an old road, well-traveled and easily known. It is a straight shot but may cause lots of damage to the car and jarring to the people inside. But, it is the shortest, most direct route. It is the one you know and you just don’t have to think about it at all. You can drive this road automatically. You may even learn how to avoid some of the potholes and damaged spots. When healing begins and God gets hold of your heart, a new road begins to be constructed. A new, wider, stronger, safer road is under construction, but you have to weave in and through some of the old lanes. Patchworks emerge to help. But, you have to really pay attention to lane shifts and ‘under construction’ markers. There are hazards - large construction trucks, blockages and slow downs. Maybe even a few detours to the old road periodically. But, finally, the new road is there - strong, safe, and reliable. Maybe every once in a while, you find yourself in an old pattern on the old road, but realize quickly that you can drive back to the beginning, or merge onto to the new road, and have a better rest of the way home.
When a loved one comes to Christ, the old pathways are worn and used, but God begins the process of allowing different neural pathways to be built stronger and healthier.
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.
Ephesians 4:22-24 take off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires, to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Ezekiel 36:26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
We know God works changes us in an instant for a rare few, and He allows the longer process of sanctification to work through for most folks. Now, we are not saying that science will ever be able to fully explain how God created our brains to function within the transformation.
For example, we know that the peace of God is beyond all understanding, but when we trust the way he created our bodies and our brains to work, we can better understand the process of transforming us into God-honoring, grace-filled, and forgiving families.
Thanks for joining us for this slightly different five-minute family devotional while we share with you some of the amazing things God is doing in the fields of counseling and neuroscience for the families of Christ. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. Our prayer for families is that they will draw closer to the Lord and build strong relationships with one another. One way we do that is by sharing some of what we share here at CVR with you through our short weekly devotional. So, let’s get started. Do you feel lazy when you sit down on the couch and stream two or three episodes of your favorite show? Do you have trouble relaxing and not thinking of the project waiting to be completed?
Proverbs 6:6-11 says, “Go to the ant, you slacker (you sluggard, you lazybones)! Observe its ways and become wise. Without leader, administrator, or ruler, it prepares its provisions in summer; it gathers its food during harvest. How long will you stay in bed, you slacker? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the arms to rest, and your poverty will come like a robber, your need, like a bandit.” Sometimes, we take a perfectly valid verse, or two or three, and we beat ourselves up with it. If I weren't so lazy, I'd have gotten more done. Oh no, I never nap; I have things to do.
The reality is that this earthly life requires finding balance. A married person must find the balance between properly serving God and serving the family God brought to him or her. A parent must balance the needs for discipline and possible punishment with grace and mercy.
And, on both an individual and family level we must find balance in rest and activity. Not all activity is productive and not all rest is laziness. We must become wise as the ant. We must work toward our God-given goals. We cannot become lazy and wonder why the lawn looks like a jungle or the car is covered in pollen and dirt.
Still, God rested and he instructed us to rest, too. Exodus 23:12 “Six days you shall do your work, but on the seventh day you shall rest; that your ox and your donkey may have rest, and the son of your servant woman, and the alien, may be refreshed.”
Let’s not forget:
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Exodus 33:14
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him
Psalm 23:1-2
A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
Jeremiah 31:25
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
Families, ask yourselves:
-
Are we using our time wisely for God's kingdom? Do we have a routine or plan that works to build God’s people, our community, and our families?
-
Are we resting enough? Do we value rest and sleep as we should? Do we allow ourselves downtime for rebuilding our bodies, hearts, and minds?
-
Are we doing something, anything, in order to feel busy for Christ? Are we volunteering just because there is a need even though we are stretched thin as individuals or as a family?
-
Are we committing our time to include quiet moments with God? Do we order our days to allow each person to have time with the Lord? Do we remember that one person may carve out time in the morning while another family member chooses to read God’s word before bed?
-
Are we allowing each family member to move at their individual pace as their health and well-being call for? Do we fully realize and reflect the physical differences we each have, or are we pushing ourselves or someone in the family beyond their healthy limit?
It’s been a question-filled five-minute family. Take time to reflect on one or two of those questions. Ask God to give you a verse - in context and in balance - for you and your family to meditate on. Don’t use God’s word to shame or diminish you. You use God’s word to uplift and challenge you. His burden is light. He will give us rest, not just our eternal rest in his presence, but rest in this earthly life, too. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. These past few weeks have definitely been different for our family. We know that God is in control, and He has a plan for us. Yet, I struggled a lot this week to think of an idea or topic for the Five Minute Family. And, then, I saw an empty toilet paper roll.
Toilet paper rolls are like family arguments… To not quote a popular but rude phrase… they happen. A Mirror UK survey showed that “of those who admitted to leaving an empty toilet paper roll in place, while 43 per cent 'forget', 23 per cent simply can't be bothered while 15 per cent don't even know where the toilet rolls are kept.”
Many of our family arguments resemble those toilet paper roll stats… sometimes we just forget, sometimes we don’t want to be bothered, and sometimes we are not properly equipped to handle a situation. In fact, 2019 statistics show that 70–80% of US adults consider their families to be dysfunctional in some way, which pretty much means we are all dysfunctional, so let’s figure out better ways to relate to one another.
Here are some lessons we can learn as a family from an empty toilet paper roll:
1.Work on instilling the idea - kindly - in each member of the family that “If you see something that needs to be done, do it right then.” We cannot assume that someone else will have more time than we have.
2.Someone else may truly be that unobservant. Common sense isn’t actually all that common. No, not because people are stupid, but because there are many skills and socially acceptable and expectable behaviors that are no longer being taught and thus are no longer common.
3.What you see as trash, others see as potential. Now, Jim composts, so he still sees the toilet paper roll as not something to be gotten rid of; he uses it for a good purpose. If there is a teacher in your family, he or she may need the rolls for crafts at school. You get the idea.
4.Make a plan (or formally verbalize a plan) for sharing the tasks that need to be done around the house. Jim will refill soap dispensers but not say anything about it to others. Talk about those things that each person likes, dislikes, or can tolerant doing. Discuss how each member of the family can be a blessing to one another even in the simple things.
5.Young kids usually like to help. Encourage them and keep helping them, too. This is a great opportunity to connect with your kids and encourage a one anothering lifestyle. Ask about those things that your kids especially would like to take ownership of. Here at CVR, our youngest son goes around and checks the fire extinguisher hoses every month to make sure they are not clogged in any way.
As you contemplate ways to avoid letting needed tasks lead to family arguments remember that sometimes we find ourselves arguing about things we would otherwise let slide. If you find your family is arguing more than normal, take a pause. Pray and ask God to reveal to you what has been going on to create this added tension and then make adjustments as needed.
God reminds us in Psalm 113:7, “He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the trash heap.” And, He gives us a beautiful example in the book of Luke. The prodigal son found himself being treated as something akin to trash in his wanderings away from the protection of his father’s home. When he returned, his father did not see his trashed life, his father only saw the past beauty and future potential of his son. He demonstrated his unconditional love, despite his son’s complete lack of contributing in any way to the family or the family business. Do you love your children like that, mom and dad? Do you need to handle the empty toilet paper rolls differently? I know there are certainly times when I do.
James 4:1-2 states, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”
Often we spend more time on our phone while on the throne than we do thinking about others throughout the rest of the day. If we as parents demonstrate and promote examining ourselves and being self-controlled in our desires, then that can carry over in our conversations with our family.
Take time today to not only talk about the tasks that need to be done around the house but also why the hearts of your loved ones are important as the doers or receivers of those tasks. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Let me ask you… are you a burden or a blessing? My mom is fiercely independent and does not want to be a burden to her family in any way. Through some recent medical needs, she has had to share a bit more with us about the things going on in her life. In fact, when she was rushed to the ER and had to be admitted to the hospital, the first words out of her mouth when we spoke on the phone were, “I hate to be a bother, son.”
Ongoing needs for her require a reshuffling of some family members’ schedules, and some of us visiting with her in her home state. Even still, she hates that her needs are disrupting other people’s lives. But, is she a burden? A bother? A disruption?
Or, rather, is she a blessing for whom we get to exemplify God’s admonishments of one anothering?
You see, the answer to my opening question is that NO ONE is a burden. Asking for help or, more specifically, NEEDING help should not be thought of as a bother or a burden - by the caregiver or the care receiver.
You have had heard us talk often of one anothering. There are 100 Bible verses that use the phrase or a variation of the phrase “one another.” More than half of those are about how we are to treat each other.
John 13:14 tells us to serve one another. “So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.”
John 15:13 exemplifies being willing to disrupt our lives and letting others disrupt theirs for us. “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.”
Acts 6:1-7 reminds us of the great need to care for one another. “Brothers and sisters, select from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and wisdom, whom we can appoint to this duty” which is serving the congregational needs. Just as we each have a role to play in the congregation, we each have a role to play at home. Sometimes, we are like the preacher of the word, having to stay focused on the work - the literal job - set before us. Sometimes, we are like the deacons of the church, having to serve our families mental, physical, medical, and emotional needs. And, since we are all called to serve one another, we need to be open to the flexibility of our needs and roles within the family. For example, with so many of us having jobs and responsibilities that do not allow us to be away for weeks at a time, we are tag-teaming taking care of my mother’s needs. Some family went out at the beginning, Kim is there now, and I will be there later this week.
1 Corinthians 12:24 through 26 points out that we are not to suffer alone. “Instead, God has put the body together, … So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it”
And, Ephesians 4:32 states simply, “Be kind and compassionate to one another.”
If you keep your needs from your loved ones, you are depriving them of the blessing of one anothering. We are not suggesting that a person runs to someone else for every little thing in life; codependence is not the goal here. But, there may be very real instances when you should lean fully on others… doctor says no lifting, no exercising, no leaving the house, etc...
ASK for help. EXPLAIN your needs. DESCRIBE your pain. ACCEPT that some things may be done differently. And, BE GRATEFUL.
But, if you have trouble asking for help:
First, examine your beliefs and see if you can see why you see yourself as a burden instead of the blessing that you are. If you view yourself as a burden, you are believing a lie. Now, someone may have told you explicitly or implied that you are a burden. They are wrong. We each have needs and desires, and God wants our families and biblical communities to step up and take care of those needs and desires.
Second, practice accepting help now even if you are not in great need.
Third, share your real thoughts - though not always your first thoughts (and if you want to know more about that, you can listen to our podcast on God thoughts). Stop hiding your aches and pains. By sharing them in truth, others may be able to help you sooner.
Fourth, do your due diligence to actually take care of yourself. If you are sitting around for days and days, ignoring basic physical needs when you are capable of doing so, that isn’t good. Start small, but do what you can so that when you do need help, you will feel more accepting of it.
And, finally, make a plan to pay it forward if possible. That way, you’ll know you are not taking advantage of anyone.
When you allow others to fulfill their God-given instructions of caring for you, you are a blessing, even in your pain. When you allow others to see you vulnerable, you help them to know that it is ok not to be perfect. That is a blessing. When you give up your independence for interdependence, you have blessed your family, yourself, and future generations.
Be a blessing. And, be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is wonderful to be with you today. Hopefully, you are still discussing and learning about the Fruit of the Spirit together, or working on some other devotional or study together as a family. If you aren’t, try starting with discussing the Sunday sermon on the way home from church next Sunday.
We’ve talked about serving together before. But, today we want to specifically highlight a family we have had the joy and blessing to serve alongside a few times now. This weekend the plans here at CVR were changed last minute due to a cancellation for a Family Camp. Our fellow volunteer family that does not live nearby came anyway, spending time and over 250 miles of gas money to come and serve families by fixing or improving the facility for our next event.
The family has multiple children, including a young son with special needs who must be monitored at all times. Two things occurred on Saturday that made us stop and be not just thankful but truly grateful for this family’s heart of serving…
First, when presented with a more in-depth project than we originally thought we would have - and I apologized for the added burden, the dad replied, “If not me, who? And if not now, when?” And, second, the mom stated she wished she had done more because she had spent much of her day watching her son.
Let’s dive deeper into both of those statements. “If not me, who? And if not now, when?” While the origin of the quote is attributed to a Jewish rabbi Hillel the Elder, numerous people have used variations as motivation to get things done.
This family had their own projects to do at home. They have friends closer by that need help on things. Dad had plenty of opportunities to apply that statement. Yet, he chose to bring his family here to CVR, bringing his skills and using them so that the mission of CVR can continue in safe and secure ways for other families.
Mom would have likely been more at ease with the safety of her son at home. Their son would have likely felt more comfortable at his own home, with his toys and his routine. She didn’t expect Kim to sit and keep her company. She did what was needed for her children, including watching our youngest alongside them, to be closer as a family and to give her husband the ability to serve with his skills without leaving out his family behind.
Likewise, she didn’t judge me when I took extra resting time before returning to a task, I didn’t expect at any moment for her to somehow do less for her son so that she could work more with me, yet still she wished she could have done more. She provided fellowship and encouragement… one anothering at its finest. I need that to face some of the otherwise undesired and unpleasant tasks that have to be done for us to be able to serve families well.
Now, there are real challenges to serving together as a family....
One person may be more service-minded than another
One person may be more capable than another
One person may need more breaks than another
One person may need more fellowship and conversation during serving than another
One person may just simply drive everyone crazy!
Family serving isn't about competition with one another or with another family. It is about finding each person's strengths and helping them maximize those strengths while recognizing each person's weaknesses and either strengthening those or accepting those - depending on the weakness origin, of course.
Let us leave you with Scripture to ponder as you figure out where you can serve the Lord as a family:
Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord asking: Who will I send? Who will go for us? I said: Here I am. Send me.”
Psalm 119:60 “I hurried and did not delay to keep Your commandments.”
Ephesians 5:15, 16 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil."
Colossians 4:5 "Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity."
Proverbs 3:27-28 “When it is in your power, don’t withhold good from the one to whom it belongs. Don’t say to your neighbor, “Go away! Come back later. I’ll give it tomorrow”—when it is there with you.”
Serving together as a family takes more intentional planning on the front side. It takes flexibility during the service time. It takes patience, understanding, and, yes, even, forgiveness, sometimes. But, if you are intimidated by the idea, let our volunteer friends be an inspiration to you. Start small, make adjustments, and keep moving for the Lord.
Thank you for joining us today. May God guide you as you seek ways to serve Him - together. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:5 Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished.
How often do we as parents cite these verses and the others like these to our kids or ourselves?
Nope, this five-minute family devotional is not about pride, vanity, and arrogance. It is about the misinterpretation of those verses by some folks who are too hard on themselves and thus don’t live the abundant life that God intends for His people, despite our living in a sinful and fallen world.
What are the greatest commandments?
Matthew 22:37-40 answers this question: “He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”
If all the law and the prophets depend on these two commands, we better get them right. And, that second command contains two words we often forget, especially in light of those pride, haughtiness, be humble verses… “As yourself”
Often, upon the first formal reading the “as yourself” is included. Yet, as it gets repeated during a lesson or discussion, we often stop with just “love your neighbor.” We make pallet signs, put it on billboards, tell others when they wrong us “hey, aren’t you supposed to love your neighbor” … Love your neighbor.
As yourself.
Reality is… you ARE supposed to love yourself.
If we properly follow the first great commandment: “love the lord with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind,” then you cannot despise his creation… you.
I have walked through much of my life despising myself… I talk too much, I don’t know how to end a conversation, I procrastinate, I am impatient, I could go on, but I won’t.
While I don’t have such self-doubt and other self-criticism issues like Kim, I have had times of being disheartened.
Let’s talk about how God sees us…. God says that when he created humans, it was VERY GOOD INDEED (Genesis 1:31). God says, we are each uniquely and WONDEFULLY made (Psalm 139:14). God says I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). God says I am alive in Him (Ephesians 2:4–5). God says I am a saint (Romans 1:7).
If you struggle with seeing yourself as God sees you, or someone in your family struggles with that, the world has lots of self-help ideas out there. Here is one such list:
•Do away with the self-criticism.
•Take care of your body.
•Counter your fear.
•Forgive yourself.
•Surround yourself with positive people.
•Indulge in activities that spark joy.
•Stand up for yourself.
Notice that each of those seven items have elements of God’s truth but when you read them in full, they have been twisted just enough to remove God from the center. In fact, YOU and you alone have to muster enough motivation and discipline WITHIN yourself to achieve self-love from a worldly view.
But, God! When we love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds, He makes it possible for us to love ourselves as He loves us.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. That includes self-talk.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Now, if all the law and prophets depend on these two commandments, I suggest we begin as God suggests… with loving Him and learning reverently all we can about Him from His word, which will in turn help us realize the love He has for us and the love we should have for ourselves SO THAT we can love our neighbors, deeply, abidingly, and as God would call us to.
Thank you for joining us today. Love God, love others, and love yourself. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Did you know that the Partnership for Solutions at Johns Hopkins back in 2004 pointed out that more than 130 million Americans suffer from a chronic health condition? That means with a population of 330 million, almost every family in American has someone who faces chronic medical issues. Thankfully, some of those households don’t have as heavy of an impact as others. Yet, still, many families struggle with how to handle the effect that a chronic health condition has not only one their loved one but one the entire household.
Dealing with chronic medical issues that sway our daily lives means learning to manage our relationships as much (if not more than) we manage the illness itself. The chronic sufferer needs compassion, kindness, and gentleness, but the family, too, needs to learn how to do that AND how to remind their loved one that he or she is NOT a problem - that they are loved - uniquely, and that we all have to figure out how to deal with the fallenness of this world and its influence on our bodies.
The chronic sufferer may feel like David in Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” Some days may be full of groaning. Be careful, loving family member, not to let them fall into a trap of complaining but also understand that their sharing their daily burden and pains may not be coming from a spirit of complaining. Lots of prayer and patience is needed here.
For those of you who may not know, we have three children who suffer from chronic illnesses. The burden that falls on the rest of the family to pick up the household chores’ slack, to adjust in a moment’s notice, and more, can seem overwhelming at first. We had always tried to practice honest and open communication in our home, but that became even more vitally important as we had to figure out how to reallocate time, money, and efforts into our children’s medical needs. God has been infinitely merciful, bringing relief at various times, and we also have those gut-wrenching moments such as our oldest literally crying out in pain as his treatment is denied by insurance or realizing that I made a $6500 mistake in choosing which hospital to go to. Jim works a full-time job outside the ministry here at Clear View Retreat in order to carry high-quality insurance for our children and to make sure they get the care they need.
So, what can YOU do in your family to help everyone deal with a chronic illness? And, please, realize that we didn’t just gather a list off the internet, we have lived this, so learn from the things we got right and the things we got wrong.
First, watch your words. This can come in many forms. Make sure with little ones that you don’t lie and you don’t make false promises such as “it’ll be alright.” It might not all be alright. Also, to the chronically child or adult in the household, watch how you word things when you are having to adjust the family’s schedule, budget, or something else. He or she may need your reassurance that the adjustment is not a burden - that THEY are not a burden. And, honestly, if you think of your chronically ill loved one as a burden, then you need to do a deep dive study on God’s word about one-anothering.
Second, enjoy the good days. There will be good days. They might not look as good as they did before the illness hit, but there will be good days. Learn to identify them and appreciate them.
Third, learn to diligently (though not obsessively) check your schedule. Whoever the scheduler in the family is… you gotta be flexible. By knowing the needs of each family member, you can more readily adapt when the chronic sufferer is having a really bad day. Basically, always have a plan b.
Fourth, and we cannot stress this enough. Get counseling - not just for sick family member, but for everyone as needed. There will be grief and loss to deal with. There will be changes. There will be instability, and having a proactive pastoring, mentoring, or counseling plan will help tremendously.
And, finally, remember to get into biblical community in any way you can. If you can’t go to the church, message the pastor. See if there is any home visit options. Be honest about your family’s needs and limitations, and be prepared to engage in the community in some way - pray, knitting from home, posting on social media, making food, you get the idea.
Never forget that while it is true that our sufferings become our credentials, we must remember that we will each reach a state of maturity and ability to share and give hope to others in our own time. Love one another. Bear with one another. Take care of one another. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Today we are closing out our series of the Fruit of the Spirit as listed in Galatians 5:22-23… “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.” Love is the first in the attributes list of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And we know from 1 Corinthians 13:13 that the greatest of God’s gifts and attributes is love.
The world will tell us that “Love is love.” In Tina Turner’s song “What’s love got to do with it?” there is a line, “What's love, but a second-hand emotion?” The world will tell us that we can easily fall into and out of love - that love is just a feeling. And, as ‘just a feeling’ it can be fleeting or it can last a lifetime, but either way, we don’t really have any control over it.
First, we must realize that love has numerous definitions, and as a communications person, defining my terms has long been a habit of mine. If we are defining the same word different ways and thus applying it in different ways, then miscommunication, confusion, and even falsehoods arise. The “love is love” statement is problematic for many reasons, but despite its common usage and application in society today, its circular reasoning doesn’t even begin to address the myriad meanings at play in the three simple words.
In Galatians 5 and in all of the verses we site today, love is defined as the Greek word “agape” or a part of speech derived from agape. Since love is used differently in Scripture, we made sure to restrict our conversation to this single definition in order to be clear about what God is, what He gives us through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and how we can reflect love to others.
Let’s define agape. Britannica.com states that agape in the New Testament is “the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. In Scripture, the transcendent agape love is the highest form of love and is contrasted with eros… and philia… The term necessarily extends to the love of one’s fellow humans, as the reciprocal love between God and humans is made manifest in one’s unselfish love of others.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-6 tells us that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
Let’s break down those verses. We know that patience and kindness are attributes of the Holy Spirit.
Love does not envy or boast - 1 Corinthians 13:1 cautions us that even if we speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, we are but a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
Love is not arrogant or rude - Ephesians 4:2 prompts us to couple love with all humility, gentleness, and patience in order to bear with one another in love.
Love does not insist on its own way - John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
Love is not irritable or resentful - Luke 6:35 tells us to “love our enemies.”
Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing - 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us that “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
Is your family behaving lovingly as we are told in 1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.”
Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages helps families apply the concept of agape love to practical behaviors. Families need to regularly engage in
Speaking words of affirmation to one another,
Performing acts of service for one another,
Giving and receiving gifts with one another,
Spending quality time with one another, and
Appropriately touching one another with hugs, back rubs, hand holding, and more.
One of the websites I found talking about examples of the love languages Dr. Chapman discerned from biblical passages had the game “Love language bingo.” If your family needs to cultivate the attribute of love, try doing it in a fun and competitive way such as a game like love language bingo. No matter what area your family may need to work on, remember the Holy Spirit is indwelling us, waiting to guide us into deeper relationship with the Lord and one another.
Ask God to give you clarity on which fruit of the spirit your family may need to cultivate, and then let us know how it is going by emailing us or commenting on our Facebook page for Clear View Retreat. May God bless you and your family as you seek Him. And, as you love God and love your families. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. We have the honor and privilege of hosting family camps, marriage retreats, grief retreats, and more out here at our cabins in the woods of East Tennessee. It is a joy to do what we do. And, sometimes, it is exhausting, hot, trying, demanding, strenuous, lengthy, and downright difficult. And, still, it truly is a joy to do what we do.
John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Now, a discussion about the biblical difference between happiness and joy might be coming after this series, but for now, we will stick specifically with discussing how a five-minute family can enhance the joy of their home.
As an attribute of the Holy Spirit, joy is more than just an emotional response to a situation. Just as peace and goodness are not to be simply responses to our circumstances, neither is joy. Joy is a choice we make, no matter what is going on.
So, five-minute families, to allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate joy in our homes, we need to…
First, accept the difficulties along with the good times. James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” He does not say to walk around and always feel joyful. He specifically says to “count it” as joy. The ‘it’ being life’s circumstances. We must intentionally pause, recognize the frustration or trial, but then choose to see what God may be doing in the midst of this difficult time.
Second, we must seek His direction in decisions. Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” When we stop simply plowing ahead without thought to consequences or outcomes and instead rely on the Lord for his direction, we can be more joyful because we know we are following Him.
Third, as a family, ask God to satisfy your family’s physical, financial, and other needs… in His will, of course. John says in chapter 16, verse 24, “Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” When we trust our needs and desires to God, our joy will overflow as we see the greatness of His answers - even the ‘no’ answers.
Fourth, express your joy around others. It can be hard when those around you are down, and we not encouraging you to be fake or to appear joyful for the purpose of altering another family member’s behavior, but just as Proverbs 17:22 states, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones,” your expression of joy - even if it needs to be subtle for moment - can make a fundamental difference in someone else’s life.
And, fifth, remember that eternity holds joy. John 16:22 reminds us, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” This sinful, fallen world sometimes falls on us. It is ok to acknowledge that and, especially in the tough moments, remember that we have an eternity of God’s great goodness to look forward to and rejoice in. My joy comes in the morning.
Joy can be a tricky attribute if we think of it as having to walk around with a smile on our face all the time. Kinda like the “do all things without murmuring or complaining” verse, folks think that sharing their difficulties somehow makes them a complainer. That is not true. Yes, we can certainly make sharing some of our struggles a big, ol’ complaint fest, but it doesn’t have to be. In the same way, the joy of the Lord is no less joy when we admit that things aren’t going so well and we are having a tough time. We can still be joyful in the life we live, in the opportunities for sharing about God and His goodness and His joy in midst of all the good, bad, and ugly stuff we experience.
We are so glad when you join us. Please send us a message on our facebook page, or through email at cvr@clearviewretreat.org to let us know what you would like to discuss after we wrap up our Fruit of the Spirit devotional series next week.
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us in this journey of discovering more about the attributes of the Fruit of the Spirit as listed in Galatians 5 - Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This week, as we are progressing backwards through that list, we are talking today about peace.
I woke up the other morning stressed… stressed about important things I have left undone in my family. And, this state of undone made me feel I had let them down. Then, I had to realize that no matter what I have gotten wrong, God has a great plan for me and for all of my family members, even the ones I let down. Knowing that God has a plan, and He will use ALL things - done and undone - for His glory and my good, I felt the peace of His truth and of His strength wash over me.
Oxford Languages online dictionary defines peace as ‘freedom from disturbance; tranquility.’ This refers to mental calm and serenity as well. The King James Version of the Bible uses the word ‘peace’ 400 times while others translations use it 200-300 times along with many of its synonyms which make more sense for our modern English understanding - synonyms such as silence, quiet, rest, still, satisfy, ease, and fellowship. Biblically, Strong’s Concordance G1515 defines peace to mean “one, peace, quietness, rest” and the Strong’s definition we found the most interesting “set as one again.”
As I reflect back on the Fruit of the Spirit songs from my childhood that I mentioned a few devotionals ago, I thought about the “Peace” song. The verses refer to mom and dad and knowing that they are there for the child singing. The child feels safe. Peace brings us a sense of safety when we are set as one again. The family is together and working toward a greater purpose and goal.
Luke 2:14 … when Christ had been born, and the angel and multitude of heavenly host spoke to the shepherds saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Peace… the prince of peace had been born. Sent to set us as one with the God of the universe. And, once he had fulfilled His earthly tasks, He ascended and sent us the Holy Spirit. The one who continues to bring peace.
Remember, the fruit of the Spirit are INTERpersonal. Interpersonal is an adjective “involving relationships between people.” We have peace with God, and we can have peace with others. With God, we must learn to rest in His peace, but with others, we have skills and practices we must learn. Hebrews 12:14 reminds us, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
As with all the fruit of the Spirit, we must first realize God’s sovereignty and His example of the attribute we are talking about. The Bible calls God the ‘God of Peace’ for a reason. Thus, to develop peace in our homes we need to work in partnership with the Holy Spirit and:
Focus on the important needs. Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
Examine what parts of the world we’re letting dominate our thoughts. Are you overcommitted? Are you worried about what might happen? John 14:27 Peace I leave you, my peace I give you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, nor fearful.
Embrace the tough conversations. Often times, we let the tough conversations go unspoken because we don’t know how they will go. Yet, when we harbor resentment or frustrations that need to be discussed and worked through, we are robbing ourselves and others of the peace that is possible in our relationship.
Have boundaries for everyone in the home - adults and children alike. Romans 14:17 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” When we allow our time to be overran with our daily desires and miss seeking His kingdom, we lose peace.
Practice grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Remember Psalm 34:14 tells us to “turn away from evil and do good; to seek peace and pursue it.” We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. By practicing grace, mercy, and forgiveness, we train our children to see that there are opportunities to turn away from evil and that in seeking peace, we establish stronger, closer relationships with one another.
May the peace of our Lord bring you together as a family and to Himself as we are set as one again with Him. Our connection with our Creator and Savior brings the ultimate peace. Be blessed.
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Today in our series about the Fruit of the Spirit, we will be discussing patience. Do you ever find yourself frustrated in traffic? What about being irritated with a family member that seems to move at a snail’s pace? Patience is oft-discussed and highly encouraged. Yet, still, patience eludes many of us. As a fruit of the Spirit, it is clearly an attribute of God, which means that we and our families can exhibit patience more than we think we can.
I am not a patient person in my fleshly nature. Jim is patient, however. Thankfully. I have long struggled with figuring out the ‘why’ of my impatience. If we better understand the types of patience, we can understand the why of impatience. Psychologist Sarah Schnitker has discovered three main types of patience: interpersonal patience, patience in life’s hardships, and patience for daily hassles. And, wouldn’t ya know, God already knew that, and His word addresses all three.
Well, I’m not really that patient…
For interpersonal patience, which is our patience with people around us, especially ones we have a relationship with, God gives us Ephesians 4:2, “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bear with one another in love.”
For patience in life’s hardship moments (or seasons), we need long-term patience, typified by perseverance. Here we have Romans 12:12. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
And, for patience in daily life’s minor annoyances, we need the ability to be calm. Proverbs 16:32 states, “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city.” The CSB explains the concept of the verse this way, “Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, than capturing a city.”
Stress, fears, worries, and frustrations all seep in to our behavior with our loved ones, but HOW we handle those catalysts is what makes a difference between walking in our flesh or walking in the Spirit. Our salvation - our justification - is work solely done by God, but our earthly progression in growing more like Him is our work to do - our sanctification. Patience is part of that. We have the Holy Spirit, which means patience is possible, but we must practice the SKILL of patience, especially those of us who are not naturally gifted in the area of patience.
So, five-minute families let’s focus intentionally on these five areas to practice the skill aspect of patience:
First, be mindfully aware of impatient moments. What emotions are rising to the surface? What timeline is being impacted that creates the most impatient moments? Is someone sick, frustrated, or unheard?
Second, remind yourself that you or your loved one may be experiencing a sense of lack of control. What can you control right now? The one answer that will come into every situation is yourself. Only you can control yourself right now.
So, third, engage in some specific behaviors to get your emotions of impatience under control by counting your breaths, or scrunching up and then releasing your shoulders. Slow down your physical behavior to get better awareness and control of your impatience.
Fourth, put yourself and family in uncomfortable, patience-required situations. Not all at once, of course. But, choose to practice waiting for longer and longer periods of time in order to increase each family member’s ability to be patient.
And, fifth, stop multitasking as a family. Despite the constant multitasker’s viewpoint that they get more done that way, studies prove that multitasking is not as productive as they think. But, if a multitasker expects everyone to keep up with their speed, it will simply lead to more impatience. For patience practice, choose some singularly focused activities such as reading or sports that require waiting during the sport itself, sport like fishing, golf, and baseball.
And, here’s a bonus…. practice better communication skills. This helps improve patience because a person who is communicating better feels their needs and wishes are being heard and thus they don’t need to respond in impatient ways to feel more connected and seen?
Patience makes you a better friend to family, friends, coworkers, and your biblical community. Patience ALSO makes you a better friend to yourself by achieving some of those long-term goals you have… such as for a five-minute family to raise good, godly children who love and serve the Lord.
May God guide you this week as you practice the skills of patience, pouring into your family God’s amazing goodness. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Compassion - the concern for others - calls us to offer ourselves up for someone in need. Acts of compassion require the attitude of kindness. And God provides the fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
We’ve been diving into the fruit of the spirit, in reverse order from the list in Galatians 5, and we are today touching on kindness. Last week we defined goodness as ‘the actions which are taken to improve the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’ Goodness involves a level of righteousness and right-ness in our choices and behaviors. For example, if we have a loved one to whom we must speak the truth in love - which may seem unkind - it is still good to give them the truth and possibly hold them accountable for their actions.
One author points out how both goodness and kindness come from compassionate hearts, yet while goodness is an action of righteousness that involves integrity and honesty, kindness can best be defined as ‘our true, internal desire for the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’ Some of us will do good, but we are not kind. That is not to say that as Christ-followers we do not have the capacity for kindness. It just means that we have not allowed the Holy Spirit to cultivate the attribute of kindness within us.
Of course, some people are simply kind. You meet them and you can sense kindness from them. You feel safe to ask for help; you feel genuinely comfortable in their presence. My favorite book is Pride and Prejudice. The eldest daughter is Jane. Her sister Elizabeth says to her, “You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable in your eyes. I never heard you speak ill of a human being in your life." And Jane replies, “I would not wish to be hasty in [criticizing] anyone; but I always speak what I think." Part of Elizabeth’s answer concludes, “I know you do…[the ability] to take the good of everybody's character and make it still better, and say nothing of the bad—belongs to you alone.” Obviously, a fictionalized account, but a perfect illustration of genuine, heartfelt kindness. I often choose goodness but kindness is a bit harder for me to exemplify because I don’t always have the kindest of thoughts about others. Anyone else out there feel the same???
The thing about kindness is that biblically, it is often coupled with mercy and humility such as in Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” So, how do we five-minute families adopt an attitude of kindness? Believe it or not, we have to first believe that we can be kind, even if we haven’t been historically. We must realize that we need to think in terms of kindness - such as 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love is patient; love is kind.” God is love, and God lives within us; thus we can be kind and we can think in terms of kindness. And, finally, we must practice kindness in our actions. Here are five steps to take to cultivate the attribute of kindness:
Step one. Smile! Check your tone, attitude, and posture. Smile with the corner of your lips and your whole body. Remember Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” A smile can truly change the life of someone you share it with, just google that if you don’t believe me.
Step two. Put others first. Let someone cut line. Offer for other folks to go before you in traffic. Do the dishes without being asked. As Philippians 2:3 states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”
Step three. Say thank you more. Are you grateful for your salvation? Then, know that others need to see your gratitude. That means, when you have a chance to share your gratitude, even in the smallest transactional ‘thank yous’ of life, you should. Hebrews 12:28 “Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.”
Step four. Listen to others’ stories. Seek first to understand, not to be understood. James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak”
And, last step for today. Volunteer. Acts 20:35 sums it up best, “In every way I’ve shown you that it is necessary to help the weak by laboring like this and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, because he said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Be kind today. And, be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for joining us this morning as we continue gathering the fruit of the Spirit as we keep in step with God’s Holy Spirit.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
This week is goodness. Goodness is defined in most dictionaries as ‘the quality of being morally good or virtuous.’ Because of the sometimes interchanging of words of kindness, goodness, compassion, and more, we need to define goodness in order to be able to distinguish it. God’s word uses it with righteous, kindness, truth, and more, but there is an inherent distinction. So, for our purposes, we will define goodness as ‘the actions which are taken to improve the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’
Let’s pause there a moment and think of God’s goodness. At our Father’s Day service, a couple sang the song “Goodness of God.” God’s goodness is summarized in that song with two ACTIONS… He leads us through the fire and He runs after us. These are actions, folks. Just as in John 3:16 “For God loved - AN ACTION WORD, by the way - For God so loved the world that He gave - another action - GAVE his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
Psalm 119:68 says it straight out, “You ARE good and DO good; teach me your statutes.”
We are to learn his statutes, so, let’s discuss what we consider the five ACTIONS of goodness every five-minute family should engage in to exhibit the fruit of the spirit attribute of goodness.
First, we must realize that we HAVE good. Having good - We have God’s spirit of goodness indwelling us. Psalm 34:8, says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” and Nahum 1:7, says, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. We must study God’s word to better exhibit the attribute of goodness.” We must actively study God’s word to know that we have his goodness in us.
Next, we are to BE good. Being good in this instance is to believe the TRUTH of God’s goodness and our ability to be good, too. Remember here Ephesians 2:10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”
If we HAVE good and are BEING good, then now, we must have an action of goodness that moves outward. DO good. Doing good - the actual act of good works. Hebrews 13:16 charges us, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” And Matthew 5:16 likewise says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Another OUTWARD action we must take is to SEE good. Seeing good - actively looking for the good in others. Genesis 1:27 demonstrates that we must always keep in mind that others are created in the image of God. “So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female.” Thus, we must SEE God - and God’s goodness in others. Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.”
And, last for today, though certainly not least is that we are to SPEAK good, and no, we are not saying ‘speak well.’ Speaking good is to make sure we keep cruel - or even sometimes teasing - words out of our mouths and speak good words that are intentional to build up and encourage good acts within the other person as well. As Colossians 4:6 reminds us, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” And Ephesians 4:29 reiterates, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Demonstration of the fruit of the Spirit is possible for all believers. You may have made numerous, embarrassing, felonious mistakes in your past, BUT GOD now indwells within you, and you are ABLE. You have God’s GOODNESS, and his goodness takes action.
Take action today to remember that you have good, are good, should do good, should see good, and can speak good to each person who crosses your path today, starting with your family!
Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control … the sweet fruit of the Holy Spirit! For the past three weeks, we have been discussing the nine attributes in detail, giving ideas on how to cultivate the fruit of the spirit in your lives. Today’s topic is faithfulness.
Faithfulness is almost a dirty word in the world today. We are bombarded with stories, images, videos, and sayings that tell us that being faithful is overrated, unnecessary, and possibly even detrimental. But, it isn’t. Faithfulness is the culmination of trust, commitment, and dependability.
Let’s clarify something about faithfulness… God is faithful. Always and forever.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,
2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
1 Corinthians 1:9 God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
And, as Christ-followers, we are to be faithful to God.
Matthew 25:21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy.’
Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much
2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.
Proverbs 28:20 A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.
Deuteronomy 28:1-2 Now if you faithfully obey the Lord your God and are careful to follow all his commands I am giving you today, the Lord your God will put you far above all the nations of the earth. All these blessings will come and overtake you, because you obey the Lord your God (which is then followed by a list of specific blessings)
Alright, so, God is faithful, and we are to be faithful to God, but what about the faithfulness referenced in Galatians 5?
If we have the Holy Spirit indwelling us, just as with all of the attributes of the fruit of the spirit, we have the ability to be faithful in our earthly relationships as well. Galatians 5 verses 13 and 14 give us the biggest context clues about whether the fruit of the Spirit of faithfulness is strictly in our relationship with God or if it is in the context of relationships with others… the phrases ‘serve one another through love’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ demonstrate that the faithfulness attribute of the fruit of the spirit is still in the context of our interactions with people … how do we glorify God through our faithfulness to others?
Faithfulness in marriage for example is a covenant - a covenant of purity in the area of physical intimacy but also a covenant in the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional intimacies as well. Faithfulness is being trustworthy and loyal, being committed no matter what triumphs or trials come your way. Faithfulness in family relationships and friendships involves the same but in varying areas and degrees. Ultimately, faithfulness is one anothering.
We are faithful when we serve one another.
We are faithful when we bear one another burdens.
We are faithful when we weep with one another.
We are faithful when we encourage one another.
We are faithful when we restore one another.
I loved this summary, “God’s faithfulness to us gives us the strength to be faithful people.”
When we lovingly give our time and attention to relationships in our lives, we are being faithful. And, five-minute families must make...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you hold the door for others? Are you actively teaching your children to be courteous? Do you display chivalrous behavior when it is called for? We are at the second attribute that we will be discussing about the fruit of the spirit - gentleness.
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well.” Galatians 5:22-25
Did you know that the original indications of the word ‘gentle’ came from the concept of being courteous or chivalrous? A quick definition in dictionaries of today will tell you that gentle means to be mild or moderate. But, let us point out that gentleness is NOT being a doormat or a pushover. It isn’t being gullible, soft, or weak. Gentleness isn’t shyness, either.
Gentleness is strength, actually - controlled strength: strength of character, strength of resolve, strength in God’s truth and righteousness, strength of the self-control the Holy Spirit is producing in you. Out-going, talkative people can be gentle; shy, quiet people can be gentle. Gentleness isn’t a personality trait; it is a fruit of the spirit. It is an attribute that ALL personality types can exhibit if they have the holy spirit living inside them.
Gentleness brings communication 1 Peter 3:15 “sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, but with gentleness and respect”
Gentleness brings consideration of all people - Titus 3:1-2 “Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to slander no one, not to be contentious, to be gentle, showing every consideration for all people.”
Gentleness brings correction - 2 Timothy 2:25 “Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to slander no one, not to be contentious, to be gentle, showing every consideration for all people.”
Gentleness brings restoration - Galatians 6:1 “Brothers and sisters, even if a person is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you are not tempted as well.”
Gentleness brings unity - Ephesians 4:1-3 “walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
As someone once wrote, “A gentle person keeps lines of communication open; he is approachable, even to opponents or strangers.” Gentle people reach out to others in ways that make others want to reach out to them.
Livingbydesign.org states, “The word gentle takes another dimension when considered as a verb referring to a horse. A wild horse should be “gentled” by a trainer so it will become responsive to instructions. Only then can a horse’s strength be harnessed.”
We see from this use of the word gentle as a verb that it is an action we need to take in order to exhibit the attribute of gentleness. So, how does a five-minute family practice gentleness to further develop this attribute of the fruit of the Spirit?
Our family members must submit to Jesus.
We must be known as a family that forgives others.
We must listen more and speak less, if you have a talkative habit. Remember Proverbs 15: 1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
We must speak the truth in love… truly it is the “in love” that ultimately defines the gentleness, but note that if you are to follow God’s direction for restoration as outlined in Galatians 6, then you have to speak,...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning as we continue our deep dive into the fruit of the spirit. Science tells us that self-control is what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom, that the part of the brain where we find the ability of self-control is the prefrontal cortex and that is larger in humans than in any other mammal. Humans make decisions, plan, and problem-solve, all of which require self-control. Self-control is not a given simply because one grows older. It is a skill to be learned and practiced.
When I was a young girl, my mom had a traveling salesman who knocked on the door. He was selling a record with songs about the fruit of the spirit. My mother bought that record with the last $3 she had, and my sister and I sang those songs throughout our childhood. Then, when we became mamas, we began singing those songs to our children. More than 45 years later, the fruit of the spirit songs still ring in my mind - the one about self-control talks of kicking things when mad and eating too many sweets. Both of which families can relate to.
Proverbs 25:28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Titus 2:12 [God’s grace trains] us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,
Please note, parents, that each of these major points we will share next have to be broken down further for the kiddos. We will get the ball rolling here, but remember not to just state the point and expect your kids to fully grasp the concept.
Shift your perspective. We parents may need to shift how we see things such as doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. If we are always complaining about these necessary tasks, we are less likely to structure our time toward doing them and thus less likely to exercise self-control in order to get them done. If we rethink about the tasks about the joy of playing in the yard with neighbor friends or the fun of getting to bake cookies once the counters are clean, we can use shifting our perspective to gain better self-control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Avoid temptations. When families are working through building self-control, we must look honestly at what tempts each of us. If your children fight every time your family goes on a long trip, then getting to the root of the temptation is necessary since avoiding the long trip may not be possible, but avoiding the arguments over which song, movie, or game gets played could be avoided by setting up a schedule or rotation long before the trip begins. In another example, if your family has a tendency to overeat at certain get-togethers, you may need to avoid buying too many desserts or snack foods to begin with.
Focus on one issue at a time. Just as 2 Peter 1:5-8 tells us, if we have gifts and they are increasing, then we are useful to the kingdom of God. We cannot, however, overwhelm the whole family by harping on every little issue of self-control. If your family is dealing with outbursts on school days, having meltdowns due to evening busy-ness, and ALSO constantly fighting before Sunday services, rethinking each of those issues all at once could cause burnout, especially on the parent’s side. But, if you choose one of those set of circumstances, evaluate what the push-button causes are, then you can give your energy in those moments, correcting your and your child’s self-control. Then, once that issue or moment is dealt with, then you can refocus to another.
Learn to delay gratification. Most of us must learn the skill and purpose of delayed gratification. By doing so, we see how self-control in the short term leads to good things in the long term. One way to do this is to set goals in saving and spending money through the use of chores. Parents, we have to do this as well in the family finances. Another way for a family to build self-control by managing delayed gratification is to let the kids learn from their mistakes. Do not create artificial consequences all the time nor save them from bad consequences all the time. Pray about the balance you need to find for each child you influence.
Finally, set good habits. Self-control is not about willpower. It is about drawing closer to God, listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and being disciplined to apply what we learn. Having good habits of Bible reading, using respectful tones when talking, and doing daily needs on a routine basis all help to ease the brain’s overload and give us space to breathe deeply and conquer some of the tougher stuff.
May God bless your family as you work on this aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last week, we replayed our original Five Minute Family recording. That’s because while we are called Five Minute Family, the goal has never been to encourage you to spend only five minutes a day with your family. The goal was to point out how we all have to start somewhere, even when we have colossally failed previously. So, we encourage families to begin thinking intentionally about five strategic minutes of each and every day. Once your five minutes have been established, the growth can begin to multiple.
Much like the fruit of the Spirit. Listen to these verses from Galatians 5:
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (1) … For we, through the Spirit, by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. (5) … For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (13-14) … But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (16) … But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well. (22-25)
Briefly, let us address that the nine attributes listed in verses 22 and 23 are referred to as the fruit, not fruits. We don’t want to delve too deeply into the controversies people will make, but we do need to point out that an apple tree does not produce oranges. And, since fruit refers to the product or result of something and the Holy Spirit is one “tree,” we are all capable of all nine attributes of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. So, whether you call the nine attributes fruit or fruits, remember that the Holy Spirit is where the growth comes from.
For example, we cannot excuse our personal habits or weaknesses by saying, “well, I am not a patient person.” With the Holy spirit, patience is not only possible, it is a product of when we are walking in the spirit as to our own flesh. And, yes, I am speaking to myself way more than to any of you on that one!
Yet, fruit does not just appear. It must go through all the stages of growth and growing seasons. Some seasons are short, some are long, there are droughts and rainfalls. If we hold tight to God’s truth that the Holy Spirit is inside of us and that when we stay planted in the fertile soil of His truth, then no matter what, we will show some level of growth.
Hebrews 6:1 “Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity.”
2 Peter 3:18 “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
Luke 17:5 “The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”
Colossians 1:10 “We pray that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”
Psalm 92:12-14 “The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon: planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age.”
As we were planning this series, I made a tree graphic. Interestingly, when Jim looked at it, he pointed out that the Holy Spirit is the tree. Then, from top to bottom, I listed the fruit. Yet, when you think of how the tree grows, the top is only possible with a strong base. The top brings the crowning beauty and shows the efforts that have been put into growth.
So, for our Fruit of the Spirit series, we are actually going to start with self-control.
Please join us next week as we take a deep dive into each attribute of the fruit of the spirit. We pray that God will bless you and your family as you choose to be intentional with your time, extending God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness at every opportunity. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. As we discussed what our new topic would be for this week, we realized that there is more to discuss about remembering. Any good story, report, or project will go through necessary problem solving or information gathering, and the best way to do that is to cover the 5 w’s and 1 h who, what, when, where, why, and how.
The who to remember is clear - God. The what to remember is His word and truth - five of which we mentioned last week. The how to remember as a family we discussed two weeks ago and that devotional included some of the when and where as well. SO, what about the why… why remember?
First, let’s look at a quick definition of the word remember: “to bring an image or idea from the past into the mind.” Adults and children learn AND remember differently. Each person in the family may remember an event differently - depending on age, emotions, perspective and more. Families need to speak about the impact of family memories as well as individual memories of experienced family events. And, reality is that children will sometimes generate false memories in the learning process.
For example, when we first moved to a new state, our son had a difficult time making friends. He was in-between two age-group sets. That, combined with his very active imagination, made me think he was beginning to lie to people about his life in our previous home. Thankfully, however, I realized that his emotions and perception of events were causing him to mis-remember what had actually occurred. He wasn’t lying; he truly believed everything he was saying. This isn’t all that unusual actually. One article I read mentioned how one twin will often remember an event as happening to them instead of to their twin.
Memories are not a set of digital images able to replay accurately at any moment. Facts, imagined details, and interpretations will influence what a person remembers. So, what does remembering differently or inaccurately have to do with WHY we should remember things about God? Parents often do not realize that they themselves may be carrying around distorted memories of events, events that may have greatly impacted their view of God.
As a child, the churches my family attended always had tithes and offerings taken up immediately after Lord’s Supper. The only thing is… I was 18 before I realized that the offering was SEPARATE from the Lord’s Supper. Obviously, I should have, but because they were always tied together, and there was never anything said about the money part being separate, I never really thought about it. When I attended a church near my college, the deacon said, “While not a part of the Lord’s Supper, we have found this to be the best time in the order of service, so we will now take up any tithes and offerings.” This small memory and then the coupling with God’s truth changed greatly my perspective about how God felt about money. My brain had falsely tied monetary giving back to Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross. I know, odd, but a child’s mind does not process properly. Had I not had an event to help correct this false thinking, I am not sure what other false beliefs about God I might have held.
Children should not be left on their own to interpret and understand everything. If parents do not take time to discuss what their children think about a Bible story, what it means and more, then a child may misunderstand, and by trying to make sense of the story, they are left with false beliefs about God or even false memories about how open or closed communication was in their family home.
Throughout the Bible we read that God implored His people to: “Watch yourselves that you do not forget the covenant of the Lord” Deuteronomy 4:9.
“Remember the former things long past, For I am God and there is no other” Isaiah 46:9.
“Do this in remembrance of Me” 1 Corinthians 11:24.
“Remember the word that I said to you” John 15:20.
“Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, descendant of David, according to the gospel” 2 Timothy 2:8.
Remember, five minute families, an adult does not recall memories as a child does. While pattern-recognition process helps kids learn quickly as they grow and adults draw more on specific details to reconstruct a scene, we all still need to return to God’s word, remembering God. Parents and children need to remember together the truth of God’s word - to make sense of history, to better process present circumstances, and to gain knowledge for the future. The WHY of remembering is simple… it is necessary for an accurate knowledge of God, His kingdom, and our places in it. Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last week we talked about how a family can intentionally remember and reflect God’s goodness - sharing our testimony and God’s goodness in our lives, memorizing Scripture, informal conversations, and more. This week, we want to ask… Do you have the “memory of an elephant” or the “memory of a gnat?” Seriously, though, what should we remember about God?
The reason it is important to remember the truth about God and His word is because our human memories are fickle. Some people can remember every little detail of fun events but difficult events seem to never even be processed. For other people, the opposite is true; every negative event is catalogued but good ones seem to never have even happened. For folks who process and keep the happy memories, life can be fairly easy sailing, but for most of the rest of us who do process the negative times, remembering can be a double-edged sword.
Neuroscientists, psychiatrists, and psychologists are researching constantly how the brain stores memories and how those memories are retrieved. The general consensus right now is that traumatic memories are stored in the emotional brain centers composing the limbic system. Emotional triggers of sounds, sights, smells, and more can set off a cascade of difficult behaviors or coping mechanisms that are often not the best response - they are however the initial triggered response - what we call first thoughts (we have a different Five Minute Family podcast devoted to first thoughts if you are interested in more information).
Many experts suggest that someone working through anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other issues like those work instead to take back conscience responsiveness through controlled breathing, placing your hand on a painful area of the body, locking your eyes on an object and thinking about five specific ideas about the object itself, and more. Let’s never forget Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” We, as Christ-followers, need to process our first thoughts through God’s truth as we remember, and then deliver them rightly as God thoughtss.
For further healing after a traumatic event, experts suggest that a person go back into a time of memories when they felt right with the world. But, what do we do when the memories that come up are hurtful, harmful, or discouraging? What about those children whose first memories of life are frightening, abusive, or traumatic in any way?
Psalm 73:26 reminds us, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
BUT GOD… the two best words to remember!
No matter how bad your own memories may be, no matter what sins you have struggled with, God is here, and He wants us to remember HIS GOODNESS above all else. God’s word is full of numerous truths and details, stories and values. So, let’s explore the first five principles we feel a God-honoring family might focus on remembering.
Remember His love. Jesus said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40
Remember His deliverance. “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Psalm 34:17
Remember his grace. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
Remember His mercy. “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36
Remember His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
We should never let our earthly memory storage capacity be our defining remembrance ability. No matter what our limited capabilities here - whether it be a traumatic experience blocking our memories or our own way of memorizing or something else entirely, we can make God preeminent in our lives. God’s word is written down for us and the Holy Spirit works to speak to our hearts. 1 Corinthians 11:2 tells us that God will commend us “because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you.” It is our purpose in God that makes sense out of the bad memories and helps us to better define the things truly worth remembering in.
Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This morning, we are going to look back as directed by God. Many times in Scripture God tells us to remember. Remember His goodness in creation. Remember His goodness in your family. Remember His promises for mankind. And the list can go on and on. Let us expand further into this concept of remembrance.
Jim brought up the concept of remembering at dinner the other evening. Sometimes, it can be difficult to recall some of the good things God can and is doing. And, well, our kids hate to give a wrong answer. They did not jump on the questions as easily as he expected. We have had formal family discussion times before, but being somewhat unsure of Jim’s main point, their short answers probably should have been anticipated.
Deuteronomy 6 is a recounting of Moses’s teaching the Israelites, and we see in verses 6 and 7, “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
The key point is that we are not supposed to simply take God’s words and directions and keep them to ourselves. Take them to heart and repeat them. And, not just once, but throughout the day. This passage is not directing us to put together a PowerPoint presentation about God and lecture them into the hearts of our children.
What I began thinking about in our dinner conversation is what things do we do as a family that reflects God’s goodness and is shown by the goodness of our family within the family and towards others. I will say that sarcasm and humor are on that list. I did not give my children a formal class on how to add humor to daily situations, but I can see that the kids sure did pick up what I was communicating.
We are proud to see, though, that kindness and respect is on that family list of traits that reflect God’s goodness. One of our son’s is very shy and would rather not interact with many outside our immediate family, but he does show kindness and respect towards others despite his discomfort. Our commitment to love God and love people, although not formally taught, has been grasped. Remembering what is taught about loving God and others is heartwarming for any parent and brings God glory and honor.
So, how does a five-minute family take the concept of remembering into their homes?
1.Informal training like we talked about is a good step and follows good biblical advice. As a parent, though, I need to realize and be aware of opportunities to pass along what to remember and that has to be intentionally planned. Now, that almost sounds formal, but you can take a topic - say God’s creation - and plan to slip it into your conversations. Next day, think about another topic.
2.Family remembrance time. Finding time when everyone is together can be difficult in this modern world but make a plan and stick to it. Share some times when God has been gracious to you and your family. Look back at old family albums and share the legacy of family. Talk about the struggles you have had and how God is merciful and faithful to His promises.
3.Sharing your testimony. Of course this has to be age appropriate, but don’t lie or cover up when questions are asked. This can be difficult. Prepare and pray before having this conversation with your family. The emphasis should be on the goodness of God, your faith and belief and how He has transformed your heart and life.
4.Scripture memorization. There is nothing better than remembering the Word of God. “For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16. That right there is a great start!
5.Create some resolutions together and discuss them at planned times. What is important to you and your family? It would not hurt to even write these down. A resolution can look like this: We resolve in our family to love others as we love ourselves. In loving others, we will be kind regardless of race, age, looks or demeanor. We will recognize that we are all created in the image of God and have all fallen short of His glory.
Those are five ideas you can share with your family and begin the journey of remembering your family story and how God’s fingerprints are visible when you chose to look for them. The word remembering is used over 150 times in the Bible. It is a great word to incorporate into your family tapestry. We pray that God would give you wisdom and remembrance as you lead your families. Be blessed.
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Let’s talk about worship. Worship is not simply singing on a Sunday morning. Worship isn’t just listening to the gospel station throughout the week. Worship isn’t merely an act or ceremony of reverence. Worship does not only involve songs or singing. We worship in every choice we make. We worship in every act we participate in.
As Christ-followers, worship is about sustaining our relationship with God - through songs, yes, but also through prayers, Bible study, tithing, giving, serving, and more. Most churches do, however, have a formal, congregational worship time in which we sing songs, lift our hands in praise, bow our heads in prayer, and sync our hearts to the God of the universe.
In each church we have been a part of through the years, there is always at least one person who worships with emotional and physical abandon. Now, obviously, there are always ones doing it for show, but the ones whose hearts are captured, who are turning their minds, bodies, and souls to focus on their Lord, those ones are difficult to look away from. Sometimes, they make us smile - not laughing at them but being enveloped in their joy. Sometimes, they make us cry - not in sadness but in the raw response of clear emotions and thoughts that flow from them.
So, let me ask you, during that formal worship section of the church service, are you actually worshipping or are you worrying?
Worrying about who sees you check your phone messages during the service
Worrying about whether your makeup and hair are in style enough
Worrying about who can tell what sin you committed last night
Worrying about whether the sermon will get done in time so that you can get x, y, or z accomplished today
Worrying about how your child’s behavior may embarrass you
What do we as five-minute parents need to demonstrate for our children so that these worries do not supersede the heart of our family or congregational worship times?
We need to demonstrate that there are different types of worship and our hearts must be in tune with the Lord to truly understand His purpose.
First, there is the physical worship of the Lord. No, you do not have to go to the altar and kneel every time you are praying, but you do need to physically worship the Lord in bowing and kneeling and standing, depending on the occasion, place, and time. Take for example Psalm 95:6 “let us worship and bow down” and Job 1 when Job “fell on the ground and worshipped.”
Next, the Bible specifically mentions spiritual worship in some translations of Romans 12:1. When that verse and others such as Psalm 29:2 reference worship, it is referring more to the spirit and soul as opposed to the physical aspect of worship. This does not mean that we just feel moved, although we may. Spiritual worship is more than our emotions; it is a state of being. Do we have a mindfulness of God’s splendor as we worship Him?
As we worship the Lord, we serve Him. As we are fervent in the spirit, we must choose to serve Him. As Luke 4:8 points out, “You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.”
Then, as we give thanks in our worship, we are to make his deeds known to others. Evangelical worship is a foundational part of worshipping God. Meditate on Psalm 105:1 and Psalm 108:3 to think about the testimonial aspect of worshipping of our Lord.
And, lastly, we must always remember to learn more about God’s word as an act of worship. Learning and studying God’s Word is a fundamental type of worship as Psalm 119:7 demonstrates, “I will praise you with an upright heart, when I learn your righteous rules.”
The next time you are in a congregational worship experience, pause. Breath in. Breath out. And, ask God to fill you with His heart of worship. Likewise, start looking for opportunities to pause in everyday tasks and see how you can worship God in that exact moment. Worship is intentional intimacy with our Lord.
Thank you for joining us today. We are Jim and Kim Nestle of Clear View Retreat, and we would love to host a family camp or marriage retreat for your family and group. Keep in mind that if you or your church leadership would like to learn more about us before coming out, we are happy to come visit with you and share more about what a typical retreat might look like for your church families. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Christians around the world just celebrated Easter. What a roller coaster of a week Jesus had leading up to His crucifixion and resurrection. That week began with the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem. The quickest synopsis we can give is that Jesus brings peace between God and man. Since entering a town on a horse indicated you wanted war with the people, but entering on a donkey indicated you wanted peace, the donkey sent that message as Jesus’s purpose.
Let’s talk about peace or war in the family unit. A friend shared that after a recent argument with her husband, she felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to apologize; even though she really didn’t see what she had done wrong. She obeyed the prompting anyway. After she approached her husband and apologized, he immediately responded that she had done nothing wrong, the fault was his and that while he appreciated her heart in the matter, as soon as she apologized, he was convicted of her actual innocence in the argument.
Please note, she was not trying to manipulate her husband into accepting his guilt. She was obeying the Lord. She felt that if the Lord was telling her to say ‘I’m sorry’ that He would also reveal what part she had handled poorly. God had a different plan for her obedience. Her obedience brought reconciliation and peace back into their home. How do you approach your family members - with a peace mindset or a war mindset?
Let me give you another quick example. As I have mentioned before, one of our son and I butted heads often in his teen years. After so many miscommunications, disrespectful moments, and teen defiance, I began to enter every situation with him with a war mindset. That certainly seemed his mindset, and unfortunately, I met that mindset step for step. It was a recipe for further conflict and hurt. When I stopped taking his behavior personally, trusting God to work in his life while I obeyed the Lord in my parenting, the war began to die away. He still saw me as the enemy for a time, but with a mindset of peace, I could better see him from the Lord’s perspective and not my own hurts.
Note that peace can have different meanings in different contexts. As our pastor put it, peace can simply mean that we are not currently fighting OR a broken relationship has been restored.
So in Matthew 5:9 when God says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” which peace did he mean? Well, the term ‘peacemaker’ is used only once in the New Testament but the root of the word ‘peace’ is used 92 times in 86 verses. That root refers to the peace of joining - of setting together as one, again.
How can a five-minute family have a mindset of peace?
The best option to bring about peace is to prevent war in the first place. As a family, you need a plan for peace. That plan needs to include an attitude of gratitude, kindness, patience, courtesy, and humility. By choosing to invest everyone’s time and efforts on the fruit of the spirit, you can stay better united - more peaceful in the first place.
Annnnd, how do we have a mindset of peace in the midst of division?
Ask God to reveal to you the other family member’s hurt. Open yourself up to see your loved one as God sees them and that includes the hurt that YOU have inflicted on them.
Verbally remind your loved one, especially children, that you are on their side, that you want the best for them. Admit when you don’t know what the best should be yet or when you let your own pride or desires get in the way, but choose to have your loved one’s best interest in mind.
Sometimes, there are situations that we intentionally avoid because though they are in need of resolution, if our mindset is still one of war instead of peace, we must keep coming back to time of praying until the Lord tells us when to enter into a discussion that will lead to peace, not more hurt and war.
Remember, seek out your pastor, mentor, or counselor if you and your family are carrying around hurts that do not seem to be healing, or you have had a traumatic situation that could feed an environment full of hurt.
God wants unity, peace, and love to reign in our lives, and our peace mindset will make that more and more possible for our loved ones.
Have a great week and be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We live in the digital age. As a five-minute family, let’s honor God with our technology use. But, how exactly can we do that? By making the most of technology.
Let’s explore five examples, though I am sure there are many more.
For family time, use online games to get everyone doing the same thing, even with a cell phone, computer, or tablet in their hands. We went to dinner at a friend’s house, and we were surprised when our hosts suggested we all gather around the television to play a game. We all took out our devices, turned on wifi, logged onto a specific webpage with a code that showed on the television, and began to play TOGETHER - young and old, smart and, well, maybe-not-as-informed. There were a variety of games, and we all had strengths and weaknesses that made us laugh. It was friendly competition that allowed us all to participate.
To deepen family relationships, we need time together. Yet, we live in a world where work and hobbies will take us around the world from our loved ones. We can use technology to our advantage. I missed an opportunity to stay in better contact with a friend when we moved years ago. She wanted to video chat, but I felt uncomfortable with both the technology and my own appearance. We are still friends, but I miss seeing her more. With two adult sons who do not live close by and one itty bitty grandchild, we decided that as awkward as it might be, we are going to use technology to deepen our relationships with one another. So, do those video chats even if your hair looks awful. It is the smiles, the laughs, the connection that matters; that is what we will each remember, not whether mama’s hair looked good that day.
To free up time as well as aid in visual noise reduction, use technology to reduce your mail time, organization time, and cleaning time. You will still need to go through your now online bank statements, or read your now online work journals, but digital options of those and many other items will allow you to better focus the time and efforts that the hard copy options required.
As we have mentioned before, one of our sons is a medical mystery. Even when he receives a diagnosis or a piece of the medical puzzle, the results are almost always atypical. This has made daily living a challenge for him. By employing digital options, it has become much easier to journal all the various parts of his day that need evaluation. The digital journal not only helps take the guesswork out of related events, but it also allows for a much more easily searched database. We still have some work to do to fully employ digital use for his medical journey, but the steps we HAVE taken have allowed more consistency and peace in a discomforting and difficult time.
And, last, never forget that technology gives us the option of learning together, whether looking at the same educational video cuddled on the couch together, or by looking at the same video and messaging one another from across the globe. Be intentional with your technology and time together. Also, discuss what you just watched. We love movies and good stories, and seeing deeper lessons in the simplest of stories will take those stories from entertainment to education. Just do not turn that opportunity to lectures.
1 Corinthians 6:12 reminds us, “‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything.” Don’t let your family life be dominated by technology, but use it to your advantage. Just as 1 Corinthians 10:31 states, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
That’s why this Five Minute Family devotion and podcast exist. We know that all of our listeners cannot come to Clear View Retreat for a family camp or marriage retreat, but every family can learn and grow and glorify the Lord TOGETHER.
Speaking of learning together, although we were just talking about using technology as a way to connect with each other, we must remind you of the importance of time away from technology and engaging in some old school analog time - one-on-one time growing your marriage or bringing the whole family out to connect deeply with God and one another.
Clear View Retreat provides that opportunity. With a mix of structured learning time, family object lessons, and relaxation time away from the craziness of daily stresses, you will have plenty of occasion to refresh your mind and allow God’s transformation to surprise you and your loved ones. We welcome your visit and look forward to seeing what God has for you and your family. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It will be the beginning of garden season soon. Spring has begun. New seasons, new plants, new development. Is your family ready to enter into a new season of growth?
On Friday, I was at a women’s conference, and one of the other exhibitors was Josh MacLeod of Instruments of Joy. As he and my mother discussed theological issues, he shared the analogy of the acorn. An acorn planted does not grow immediately. It can take up to three years of all the right environmental components for the acorn to turn into a maturing tree, yet that tree will not produce more acorns until it is approximately 20 years old. Those early years are vital to get the seed to sprout, the sprout to root, and the root to establish well into the ground water. Yet, we do not want the roots to stay at the surface. The roots must grow down deep to reach into the water table, to establish strength for the storms that the exposed parts of the tree WILL experience.
Jeremiah 17:8 He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.
Psalm 1:3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.
The acorn analogy and previous verses remind us of the concept we heard of years ago called greenhouse parenting. The Sayler family - a former homeschool family with five adult children - used that expression for illustrative purposes of their parenting style. In greenhouse seedlings, they are only kept in the protective shield of the greenhouse and its ideal environment as needed. The plants are still exposed to the necessary elements to give them further strength, and when the use of the greenhouse and natural environment have been used effectively, then the plants emerging permanently from the greenhouse are able to withstand the elements.
As greenhouse parents, we need to make sure our children have:
Proper nutrients. These proper nutrients are God’s word and our love. As Deuteronomy 6:5-7 states, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”
Proper environment. Just as the greenhouse provides temperature control, five-minute greenhouse parents must provide the proper balance of information. Ephesians 6:4 reminds us that we must bring up our children in discipline and instruction of the Lord, and we cannot do that by allowing every little worldly influence into our home. We must be discerning and wise.
Exposure. In a greenhouse model, plants are given exposure to outside elements as needed. Children raised in a bubble or hovered over - or for our analogy kept in the greenhouse at all times without any real-life exposure - will not grow deep roots. We do not want our children to be unfamiliar with the actual difficulties they will face, but we do it in age-appropriate ways to give them a chance to process and grow those roots deeper for the later strength they will need. Remember James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Protection. The greenhouse offers needed protection at the proper times. We have to be willing to be there for our children if or when they find themselves in an uncomfortable situation go, get them into a safe protective space, and then, begin the tough work of the greenhouse to help their roots grow deeper than they were before. Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” If God protects us, we should protect our children.
And, finally, freedom. Acorns grown into saplings are moved into the full reality of the world. SO, with the rare exception of children who have special needs who require care into adulthood, we five minute parents must be ready to move our well-cultivated, strong plants of children into the fully exposed world. As David Mathis of Desiring God.org indicates, we are not of the world but we (and our children) are sent into the world to share about the love of Christ.
We are told in Isaiah 61:3 that [if God's people are faithful to Him] they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. Grow your acorns, five-minute families, and help them become oaks of righteousness. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. Today, we want to share something that has made an impact in a number of lives and the Bible verses that apply.
Recently in a mentoring session, a lady and I were discussing how difficult it is to fight for a relationship when trust has been broken. I remembered a saying that I had heard a couple of years ago while I was going through a tough medical time.
“Marriage is hard; divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard; being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard; being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard; miscommunication is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.”
One who walks with wise people will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20
And, Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
If your family has an addiction to screen time, it. Will. Be. Hard. to stop using devices so often. But, it would be hard for your children to apply self-control, to have good mental health, to maintain a proper weight, and to desire physical fitness, IF you do not do the hard thing and put device controls in place.
Choose your hard.
If your family has a habit of clamming up and waiting for the emotion of anger to pass before communicating again, it will be hard to be honest and transparent about the conflicts that arise. But, not talking these things out may manifest in no communication at all as the children grow up, causing ongoing hurts and wounds that last a lifetime.
Choose your hard.
Making decisions to not eat out after church each Sunday because the family budget needs to stabilize can be hard. You may feel a loss of fellowship with other church members. You may have to wait until the meal at home has been prepared. But, continuing to spend more money than you are making for the convenience of not cooking a meal, will be hard - with credit card payments, bad credit, difficulty saving for the future, for urgent, random expenses such as to pay for emergency dental care when a child needs a root canal.
Choose your hard.
Mentoring, counseling, speaking with your pastor… those are hard. It can be embarrassing to admit you and your family don’t have all the answers and aren’t doing everything right. But, getting help in the early stages of difficult moments can help train your family to better handle a major life change. Not going to mentoring or counseling can lead to broken relationships and bitterness and resentment taking root.
Choose your hard.
This is not about pushing yourself at all costs. If you are choosing the hard of getting up 30 minutes early to set up a habit of exercising, but you never take a rest day, then you are not choosing the hard every day. We all need rest. Physical fitness experts do NOT recommend formal exercise every single day, nor do they recommend extreme caloric restriction, except in isolated cases under a doctor’s care. So, choosing your hard isn’t about always pushing yourself; it is about choosing wisely in each moment. Just as Ecclesiastes expresses, there is a time for everything. Which means, the hard you choose will not always be the same hard as the day before.
Choose your hard.
If you feel frustrated or take offense to the “choose your hard” mentality, please know that we are not speaking to everyone at this moment. Sometimes, we cannot choose. Someone does not choose a cancer diagnosis. No one chooses to lose the person they love the most. Choices are often made for us. Finances bind us. Choosing between food on the table or gas in the car to get to work in order to try to make money to put food on the table… that doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels like a trap. But, God can help you make the smallest of changes to see you to the next option. If you are trying to choose between food and gas for food, then you may need to first choose to sign up for government or nonprofit assistance. Again, that is hard, but if you are able to make the choice to get the help you need, then prayerfully, the next choice will be just a tad easier.
Remember, five-minute families, just as Matthew 6:33 reminds us, “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Choose God. Life will still be hard, but you will have the ability to deal with the situations that arise with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. And you will have a biblical community of wisdom to glean from. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Last week we discussed WHY your family may be dealing with boredom. This week is HOW to combat boredom as a family. Since you can find hundreds of detailed activities on the internet, we aren’t going to reinvent the wheel here.
We want you to begin by getting into the specifics about your family’s identity so that you know HOW to combat boredom in a way that will reach the hearts and minds of your unique family unit. For example, if I suggested a “self-care” evening with manicures and pedicures to my family of men, they would likely be just as bored as doing nothing for days. However, if my brother-in-law suggested the same thing to his house full of females, it might be a hit. A stereotypical example, but I think you see what I mean.
Five-minute families, parents especially, you must begin by taking responsibility for the why of the family boredom. One of the main REASONS for boredom is a lack of meaning, so the first step is to combat ongoing boredom is to pray and find meaning in your family life. If you are simply going through the motions of school, sports, chore, church, repeat, then you need to focus your devotional time asking God to give you direction on the unique purpose that your family holds in His kingdom. He has one; it might not be as renowned as Billy Graham’s family or even your own pastor’s family, but your family’s role in God’s kingdom is JUST AS IMPORTANT as theirs. Romans 12:6 reminds us, we have “gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.”
Next up, get creative. Try to think outside the box. We know that God is able to do far more abundantly than all that we can think of (Ephesians 3:20), so ask Him for ideas. Maybe your family used to love going to the park but now that the kids are little older, you can’t think of what to do. A longer hike and trail plan might do, but you might be ready for a complete change. Something odd like beginning to organize old photos and talk about the people in their past and their legacy of Christ-following. Maybe write a book together. Obviously, the list is endless. Spend a bit of time doing an internet search for creative ideas.
Remember, you need to get organized. Once you have an idea, present it to the family. Have details -dates and places - in mind. Children need structure, but so do we parents, and by preparing ahead of time, you will be able to answer most questions that threaten to throw you all back into the loop of indecision. Apply Proverbs 21:5 here - “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”
Now, we just said get organized, but you also need to be spontaneous. And, no, those two things are not contradictory terms. The more organized you are about options, the more flexibility you have to add in something spontaneously. Some families are so over-scheduled that having some time at home is a welcome reprieve. Those times are not what we are talking about. We are talking about the times when ‘nothing of consequence’ happening, and no relationships are being deepened. When down time allows, pull out some of those organized ideas and offer the family some fun time together at a moment’s notice. In both Ephesians 5:16 and Colossians 4:5, Paul encourages us to “make the most of every opportunity!”
Don’t forget that you are going to have to get active here. If you are a lazy person (come on now, you know who you are), then you might have to push yourself to get into the habit of engaging. If you are an active person who doesn’t include the slower people in your family, you might have to slow down a bit. If you as the parent are ill, you might have to bring in help or accept options that don’t include you in the moment, but if you have been integral in the planning and you are focused in the sharing, then even you can participate as physical and mental health allow. Whether you are lazy, scared, ill, uninterested, or indifferent, you have to come into the next level of activity, whatever that may be for you. 1 Timothy 4:14 admonishes us, “Do not neglect the gift you have.”
God gives us good and wonderful gifts, unique talents for His purposes. No moment is useless to the Lord, and that includes restful, playful, and connective moments. Just as the musically talented family shares their gifts through concerts and songs around the campfire, we each can share our gifts.
Be ready to share your gifts and interests to lift the spirits of your family members as well as the world at large. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are going to do a two-part series about boredom. That’s right. Boredom. Boring. Bored. Now, we aren’t talking about the eight-year-old who isn’t allowed to be on his devices for the day so he goes around saying he is bored. We are going to talk about a bored family, one in which most if not all of the family members would classify their family life as boring. So, first this week, we are going to explore reasons why we as a family can get bored.
Evening after evening, weekend after weekend sometimes families find themselves in a season of boredom. Boredom can come from many different situations.
The reality of the world we live in today is that most of us are technologically overstimulated. We are fed ongoing, ever-changing sets of information that give constant stimulation to the brain. The trouble is that conversations in real time are slower, they have more interruptions, especially depending on the ages of any children in the home, and often times we need extra time to really convey our thoughts.
We must remember that the information we have constantly downloading and the videos we watch are most often only after multiple retakes and heavy editing, yet still so often we expect our family members to understand our inaccurate descriptions of said videos or we get aggravated when a family member can’t engage the way we want, as fast as we want, so then we all turn back to feed the dopamine loop our devices deliver, leaving us less and less satisfied with real-life interactions. Thus, family life bores us, and we grow more and more distant and disconnected.
Sometimes, our family life has become too routine. We know what to expect, have experienced the same things day in and day out for weeks, months, or years, and the monotony has become boring. Routine can be helpful especially for children and neuro-divergent people, like people with autism or adhd. Interestingly, however, just like devices create a dopamine release, so does novelty. Having something different to look forward to often reduces stress and increases creativity, leading to a less bored outlook.
The flipside of having become too routine is being too disorganized. You might be wondering how being disorganized leads to be boredom… well, if the parents haven’t planned and organized family time, then the typical propensity for everyone is to disengage and find their own things to do in downtime, and, you guessed it, the typical activity to turn to is device use.
Some families find that they are afraid to engage in outside activities or biblical community participation. Unfortunately, some folks are raised in way that suggests anything fun is a waste of time and nothing but hard work is a waste of time. But, John 10:10 tells is that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Or, maybe you are nervous because your toddler is going through a whirlwind, deviant phase, so you retreat into the house to maintain control. Whatever your reason may be for fearing engagement with your biblical community, realize that it may be directly contributing to your family’s boredom, and you may need to explore the reason and ask God to guide what activities you should get involved in together.
And, finally, all too often, we begin to live meaningless lives. We aren’t sure of what our gifts are, or think we don’t have any gifts. Or we believe that because we are still learning and growing we are somehow incapable of serving for the Lord. Whatever the reason, we begin to just go through the motions of living without any meaning or purpose behind our actions. Which, yep, you guessed it, often leads us to be bored with our meaningless lives.
Paul states in Philippians 4:12 “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” If your family is in a season of boredom, please join us next week while we discuss options for ways a five-minute family can break the boredom loop and begin to enjoy family time again.
May God enlighten the eyes of your hearts that you may know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance, and the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.
Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Our church just had a missions Sunday. Kim and I were blessed to come share about God’s work here at Clear View Retreat. While we are much more comfortable chatting on the couch down at the Lodge than standing behind the podium, looking at the differences in the numerous people sitting in front us got us thinking about family identity and individual identity in the context of serving.
For example, here at CVR we encourage the whole family to come out and serve together for service events or ministry events. Yet, what about the mother who is passionate about helping at the crisis pregnancy center because of her own difficult past whose children are not yet old enough to participate in serving at the center? What about the father who loves to work on cars and helps the widows and other families in need whose child is disabled and would never be able to serve alongside dad in that capacity?
It may seem like a collision of family identity versus individual identity, and it could be, if a family let it. However, we suggest that the one anothering verses come strongly into play here, and that supporting one another in serving despite not being able to serve alongside one another is vastly important to the better balanced and more God-honoring family identity.
All of us have heard stories about how having just one supportive person in our lives, especially as child, can make a fundamental change in the quality of that person’s life. Now, obviously, we are not speaking materialistically here, we are talking about the realization of self-esteem and importance in God’s kingdom. He could do all of everything alone, but he includes us, and when we see our worth, we are infinitely more capable of giving Him all the glory and working even harder to bring Him honor. So, that individual who has prayed and feels God’s call to a specific serving mission must be recognized and supported. Remember 1 Peter 4:10 - “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God.”
Working on being a godly, a Christ-following family with a strong God-centered family identity will take intentionality with the balance of individual identity, especially in serving. So, we suggest these five guidelines to get you started:
First, confirm with your spouse or parent before committing to serve without them. Communicate clearly your personal desires and listen well when your spouse or children respond with their needs and desires. Make sure to always find common ground. Encourage one-another to serve. Mission is a foundation of the Christian identity and a biblical mandate not to be taken lightly.
Then, block out time for individual serving within the larger family schedule. Ideally, having individual family members serving separately but at the same time can be the easiest to schedule. In fact, if mom and dad are going opposite directions, having grandma and grandpa or an aunt have quality time with the kiddos would be a net win for everyone.
Third, intentionally, place priorities on family time with no interruptions. Sometimes, someone is going to have to give up his or her individual serving time in order to meet the family priorities. Again, communication and cooperation. And, remember that you have to be intentional in planning on the serving and family time otherwise things will be missed.
Fourth, include your family members where you can. Instead of your going out with just the other volunteers for some fellowship time or ongoing team building time, if possible, include the whole family so that your family members are welcomed into that aspect of your life, getting to know other believers better and to feel included. A great goal is to encourage is biblical community. We are brothers and sisters working together and are part of the greater “capital C” church.
And, fifth, make sure that you purposely schedule time together to share about your individual serving or mission work. John 17:20-26 points out that we are perfected in unity. Five-minute families, remember that God placed you together. He wants you to have a family identity, but He also created you each uniquely and wonderfully, so we each must find a way to balance our individual identities with our family identities.
Thank you for joining us for this latest Five Minute Family. Speaking of family identities, maybe this year would be a great time to explore what that looks like for your family. Also, we always want to know what you guys and gals are interested in hearing about, so please let us know by commenting over on our facebook page at facebook.com/clearviewretreat. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. For the past three weeks we have discussed roles in the family - leadership, management, and child roles. Leadership is often discussed in terms of servant leadership. Managers that pitch-in and help out are often praised, considered more likeable and approachable. Kids of certain ages often ask to help with any new task, and some parents are great to encourage their kids to help them. But, in all this helpfulness, are you REALLY helping? Or, are simply feeling better about yourself because you participated in some part of another person’s task? Let us explain with an example.
I despise cooking. I truly do not find any joy in it whatsoever, but my husband does not even view it as a chore. He listens to our likes and dislikes and caters to our desires while giving us nutritious, delicious food. Early in our marriage, Jim and I divided kitchen duties on his days off with his doing the planning, prepping, and cooking, and my doing all the cleaning. For twenty-five and a half years, with some flexible variations, that has worked. Until recently. One of our children has to have some major dietary changes that require me to plan, prep, cook, and clean at least three meals a day from scratch just for him. Some parts of each meal can cross over to the rest of us, but for many meals over the last five weeks, I have been making up to four different mains or side dishes to meet the needs of the different family members. I kept getting more and more frustrated on the days Jim would cook. He did not clean up. One Sunday morning I had to take 20 minutes cleaning before I could prepare the food safely for our kiddo.
I never needed to worry about ending the task of cooking because Kim enjoyed cleaning, and we both willingly divided that task into its parts instead. Every task has something that ends it, that closes it out … and that is usually cleaning up. Doing homework on the dining table? Clean up the pencils, papers, and books. Mowing the lawn? Clean the sidewalks, gather the leaves in the compost after cleaning the bottom of the mower and putting it away. Cooking a meal? Clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean the countertops. How many times, five-minute parents, have we called a child back to end the task they had been on before they move on to another?
The thing is… I was becoming overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning that our son’s type of cooking involves. I am the one who needs a change from what has worked for us for more than 25 years. I didn’t know how to explain it; I didn’t realize why I was frustrated or angry at times. But, God is so good. A facebook reel popped up on my feed about mental load and the need for one person to “end the task” so that that task does not add to the load of another family member.
Since we can have faith in God completing his tasks - Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - we must also have good faith in completing the tasks set before us. As 1 Corinthians 14:40 reminds us, we should do everything decent and in order. And, Proverbs 18:9 cautions us that “whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.” As the managing of our home, if I call, for example, an electrician, he or she will not be called again if they leave a mess at my home. If, however, they clean up after themselves, I am very likely not only to call them again myself but to also recommend them to my friends. We all need to learn to complete the tasks we take on, or we are not being helpful to our family members.
So, to truly be helpful:
1.Discuss division of chores and tasks.
2.End the tasks you have on your responsibility’s list.
3.If someone is overwhelmed, listen fully to the other person’s needs.
4.If take on someone else’s task, end the task. If you don’t know what that means for this new-to-you task, ask.
5.If you cannot complete the total task, communicate clearly what part of a task you can do.
The concept of ending the task is not a new one, but the idea that doing just part of a task in hopes of being a rescuer and helper may be new to some of us. You know, Jim, so much of what we encourage five-minute families to do is communicate.
Yep. Communicate, friends! We enjoy sharing the Five Minute Family devotional with you each week. Please consider reaching out to us on our website clearviewretreat.org to let us know what you think. And, now is the time to book your Family Camp or Marriage Retreat for 2023! We hope to meet you soon. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is great to be with you again this morning for our third devotion about the roles of family members. We discussed the leadership and managing roles of the parents, but what roles do the children of the family play?
First, let’s discuss what a child’s role is NOT. It would be unhealthy for a child’s mental and emotional growth for them to be placed in the role of parent on a constant basis, nor is it ok for a parent to confide in a child as they would their spouse or close friend.
Children are immature - physically and emotionally; they are inexperienced, rightfully so. Children need to be sheltered, fed, warmed, and loved. The most widely ratified human rights treaty in the world concerns children. Children have the right to survival - food, water, shelter; the right to development - education, religion, and rest; the right to protection - safety and identity; and the right of participation in society without abuse or isolation. We have a responsibility to meet their basic needs and rights in order for them to perform their roles properly.
When we asked our almost 9-year-old what he was expected to do in our family, he answered, “to do my school and listen to my mother and father.”
When we asked our 17-year-old, he answered, “to grow up, work hard, get a family, and then teach my kids to do the same thing.”
Our 9-year-old is correct about his role right now. Consider Proverbs 1:8 “Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching.” And, Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Hey, parents, note, that we are to be in the LORD!
And, our 17-year-old was correct, too, based on the changes he is facing in his very near future. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
No matter what stage of life our children are in, we are training children here. Children. We must let our children be children, not mini-adults. We are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but before we do that, we must remember that our children are children, learning as children learn and growing as children grow.
The main role of a child is to be a CHILD. And, that manifests primarily for a younger child into those roles of learner and helper. As children get older, their roles shift. With increased maturity and experience, older kiddos’ capacity in the roles of part-time decision-makers, part-time caregivers, and part-time teachers increase. Remember, we are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but it will not happen overnight, and our older children will still need guidance.
So, what responsibilities should we five-minute parents ensure our children have to fulfill their secondary roles of learner, helper, teacher, caregiver, and decision-maker in the family?
Children should have chores, and, yes, that means even in homes where one or both parents feel guilty about something and they are tempted to make up for it by catering to the children’s lack of desire to do a chore.
Children should be given care over something living - a plant, a pet, or a younger sibling, depending on your household circumstances.
Children should be helpers - let them help you cook, do a project, and more. They should be working ALONGSIDE you as often as possible.
Children should be active participants in family life. While chores, caring for something living, and helping out will also change with age, be extra mindful that active participation in family life for older and younger children will look very different depending on extracurricular, health, and financial needs.
And, last, children should be encouraged to share their opinions - respectfully, of course. By learning as children how to separate fact from opinion and share their opinions kindly and clearly, they will be better contributors to society both as children and as adults.
Family roles are important for the functioning and health of each of the family members. Remember Proverbs 29:17 - “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” This discipline that Proverbs speaks of is not always referring to punishment and admonishment; it is also instruction and correction. If we parents embrace our roles in leading and managing, we equip our children for success in leading godly, productive lives.
Thank you for joining us this morning. Need a place to refresh your family, reconnect with God and learn about your family identity in Christ? If so, please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Wow, while I have written that phrase many times over the past three years, I have not yet said the words to be recorded. It feels a bit strange to be chatting solo with you today, but as Jim introduced last week, we are doing a series about different family roles wherein he spoke about leading your family well. While that is most often directed to the husbands and fathers, we do know that there are single parent households out there, and mama has to step into the leading role for a season. This week, I am addressing primarily the wives and mothers who are listening, though, again, there may be some households out there where this manager role falls on dad’s shoulders. Ultimately, we want to honor God with the household roles and dynamics we discuss while we remain sensitive to the fact that not all households will fit a textbook mold.
Typically, speaking, however, the wife and mama is the manager of the home. A popular home schedule program back when my oldest sons were still young referred to wives and mothers as the managers of their home. While that somewhat resonated with me, it didn’t make a full impact on me until a few years later.
Jim had a new position where he worked, that put him at home during most school days. It about drove me crazy that numerous times, he would come downstairs and ask about turning on the television or watching a movie. If it happened that he entered the living room while the boys were on break from their homeschooling tasks, he would just start a movie or show them videos on his phone. One day he mentioned returning to the living room to finish a movie with the boys, I was incredulous. I asked him, “why do you always make me the bad guy?! I am tired of being the one who always says no to the shows or “fun stuff” when it is school time.” He apologized saying that he hadn’t meant to interrupt. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand that he was interrupting and sometimes hijacking the whole school day. He pointed out how different school days looked differently from his point of view, and he never knew that he was interrupting when I had acquiesced to his requests so many times before. He pointed out that he didn’t view me as the killjoy, but as the manager, and he had no idea that he was putting me in uncomfortable situations with the kids. He started asking about “fun stuff” more privately, and I started saying no more often when it was necessary to do so. Most importantly, I stopped resenting him and accepted my manager role more completely.
As a manager of our homes, we need to be mindful of five things:
First, we must always be observant. Consider Proverbs 31:27. In the Christian Standard Version it reads, “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.” Other versions say that she looks well to the ways of her household. We must be watching to see what our specific household is in need of.
Next, we must plan well for those needs. The second part of Proverbs 31:27 points out that we should not be idle. If we use our time wisely, then we can easily plan for the needs of our family, and do as Proverbs 31:25 states, and we can smile at the future.
Third, we must be prepared to act. Proverbs 31 is full of actions that the manager of the home might engage in. Please note that Proverbs 31 is not a list of all the things a household manager MUST do, but an overview of the tasks, jobs, side hustles, (you get the idea) that a good manager can stay mindful of.
Fourth, we must motivate our families. Proverbs 31:26 states, “Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.” By choosing to share God’s wisdom and kindness with my family, I motivate them to do the tough stuff, and by keeping active as point three illustrated, I set a motivational example for them as well.
And, finally, as manager of our homes, we must teach our children as Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Likewise, as in Genesis 2:18, I become a better partner to my spouse, “a helper fit for him.”
Moms, wives, managers of your home - strength and dignity are our garments when we hold tight to God’s hand. The central theme to being a good manager of our home is be devoted to God. No matter what circumstances you find yourself, remember that you are a child of His, created in His image, and He will guide you as you manage your home well. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining me this morning. We are doing our devotional spot a little different this week - and the next couple as well. This morning I want to discuss how to lead your family from a biblical perspective. I will be focusing on the role of the husband and father, briefly. Because this role requires a lot of time and energy, in the theme of the Five Minute Family, realize that this should be a primer, something to get you thinking and expand on these five minutes each day to create a lifestyle of God-honoring family leadership. Thus, remember, this is not an exhaustive list.
So, the question today is, how should a husband or father lead his family well?
Let’s start with Ephesians 5:25-26, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.”
The foundation of a family is a biblical marriage. Men, being like Christ can be an overwhelming thought, but loving like Christ is completely doable. He gave himself for the church; you can give yourself for your wife. That means thinking about her needs before your own. Not being a door mat but an encouragement. Christ cleansed the church through the word; we also can cleanse our spouse through His word. Coupling these two together allows us to bring Christ front and center in our families, encouraging grace as an everyday occurrence.
Next, how to lead the children. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.”
Unfortunately, exasperate is in the Bible because God knows it happens. We can become an irritation and frustration to our children if we focus on the wrong things. Are we trying to make them like us? Are we more performance-based than love-based? We have the ability to set the tone of our homes by how we put down or build up our children. That does not mean giving into every desire they may have but balancing loving discipline with heartfelt encouragement.
I could have started with this next one, but I think we all need it more as a reminder then a starting place. Joshua 1:9 says, “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
We can try to coast through family life, not taking risks, not putting ourselves out there, but God wants us to engage, to be more than we think we can be and to excel to bring Him glory. No matter where you are in the timeline of your leading your family, remember this, there will be times of fear and discouragement, but God is with us. There will be opportunities to start leading and there will be times when we return to our responsibility to lead. God is with us in both of those scenarios and strengthens those who seek His face.
A saying I heard several times in life when attending leadership training classes was “praise in public, criticize in private.” The biblical equivalent can be found in Matthew 18:15-20, “First confront your brother and then if need be, bring in others.”
How many times have you seen parents, spouses, family members do a lot more criticizing in public than praising? It sure seems that people air their frustrations out on others rather than work it out with their family member. Reference back to the exasperate section. Discussing problems can be frustrating if the goal is to simply embarrass or shame someone. It may motivate them to simply not do something to avoid the shame but that will not be encouraging for true life change or transformation. As the biblical passage says, confront one-on-one, and if there is no resolve, then bring in others, trusted friends and mentors that share the goal of love and encouragement.
Speaking of encouragement, Romans 15:5 wraps us up by saying, “Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, according to Christ Jesus.”
Are you focused on the Lord and seeking His strength, His endurance, His encouragement, His harmony, in those relationships He has blessed you with? And to repeat those points in a different way, the verse says, according to Christ Jesus. Our being, our doing, our lives should depend on Christ Jesus because He is the author and perfecter of our faith. And we should filter our families through our faith. Faith that goes beyond the common. Faith that endures the tough times. Faith that leads.
Thank you for joining me this morning. I pray that the eyes of your heart have been enlightened to see your leadership in a new and different way with Christ as the focus and that your cup runs over with His goodness. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Our household has now had someone sick for over ten days. Unfortunately, a couple of us were worse than the others and recovery has been slow. Healing takes time. And, even after we are contagious, we may not be feeling our best.
Thus has been the case for Jim and Joe, who had it the worst of all of us and are still having a hard time with stamina and respiratory issues. Yet, they re-engaged in life, while still not feeling back to their normal selves. This can present a challenge for those around them. One minute they are up and engaging and the next they are sound asleep. And, sometimes that means missing out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities - such as Jojo’s first ever team pictures.
Then, when Joe tried to go to his basketball game days after last having a fever, he was fatigued and still coughing a little. His nerves were off the charts, making him nauseous on top of feeling so tired. His coach was kind and reassuring through the nerves. Once Joe felt ready, Coach put him into the game. While Joe was in, Coach encouraged his other players to give him a chance to shoot. Those boys, young and considerate, did so - multiple times, though he didn't score. Once Joe couldn't run anymore due to his breathing, he had to leave the game.
Coach cared about Joe’s needs, met him where he was, and encouraged him to keep giving beyond what he had limited himself to think possible. This mama’s heart was so full watching someone pour into my son.
About 50% of children in the United States participate in organized team sports between the ages of six and seventeen. And, while not all children will have a coach in their lives, ALL children have a parent-figure in their lives.
We can’t solve all of the world’s problems, but we must realize just like the three things Joe’s coach gave him on Saturday, we parents (or parent-figures) must meet those three areas plus two more in the parenting realm.
We must care about EACH child. Parents, you will resonate more with some of your children than with others. We see it in life, as parents, as observers, some children are just easier to parent. That does not mean we care for the others less than the easy.
THIS DO NOT ABSOLVE us from continuing to meet our children where they are, caring for them even when their behavior is quite upsetting. Just as Paul in 1 Corinthians 9, we must become Jewish to the Jew, weak to the weak, all things to all people. We, as Christ-following parents, must make changes in our own approach in order to meet each child where he or she is.
We must also encourage them to become better and better versions of themselves. Note, we did not just say better and better. We said better and better versions of THEMSELVES. You must seek God to help guide your child in the way GOD has planned that they should go, not the way you want them to go.
Likewise, parents provide for their basic needs, even when sick or moving slowly ourselves. I asked Joe what he appreciated about me as his mom, and he answered that he liked that I make his oatmeal each morning.
And, last, we should strive to provide new experiences; Joe answered that he appreciated that I let him drive the tractor. Not every child will get to drive a tractor, but new experiences in nature, watching learning youtube videos together, and more do not cost anything and draw you closer.
Joe’s coach knows that some of the players will go on to play high school and college ball, and statistically less than 2% of ALL ball players everywhere will receive a scholarship for their ball playing. But, by coaching the WHOLE team, he builds them each up as a TEAM and as an individual.
The young man seen and included who chooses to stop playing basketball will still know his worth and value, no matter how good or bad a player he or she was. The players who go on to play longer will be the players who include others, building up the whole team, not just themselves.
As parents, we know that not every child will grow up to be the CEO or a department head, but each child can become a success. Parents, are you caring equitably for each child? Are you meeting each one where he or she is, even in the hardest seasons? And, are you lovingly challenging them to give more of themselves in what God has set for them?
Prayerfully seek God’s direction and teach your children self-examination and deeper thinking about who God has created them to be. You can be the best coach your child will ever have, whether you guys ever participate in sports or not. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! The sun is shining as we plan out what to share with you today.
The sun streaming in my windows makes me smile. It doesn’t have to be warm outside, and I don’t have to have the sun on me to feel better. Simply seeing it improves my mood. You know, there are people like that. Simply seeing them makes me smile. Sometimes, they are busy and only have a moment to flash a grin my way, yet, they always leave their glow behind. What happens, though, when everyone around us is NOT like sunshine?
Often, pastors will talk about the ‘church family.’ Sometimes, they are referring to the capital ‘C’ church family, but normally they are bringing it in to the closeness of the local congregation. And, just like any family, some folks are sunshine, and some folks always have clouds or rain around them - at least with always cloudy peeps, we know what to expect, but what about those people who are sometimes sunny and sometimes rainy? Just like the real weather, we can run the percentages, but often we just don’t know what we are going to get. You know, when I was in drama class eons ago, we would warm up our lips by say “Whether the weather is hot, or whether the weather is cold, we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather, whether we like it or not.”
So, in our biblical communities, whether we like it or not, we must learn how do we deal with one another in kind, loving ways - especially when someone is variable and we just aren’t sure how to react.
We treat them like family, the way God says… one anothering as brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in the faith.
Let’s pray for one another - and, pray, too, for God to reveal if we ourselves are only fair-weather friends. I used to always hug people, yet as I have gotten older, I have learned many people don’t like hugs. I am a time person, but since time at church doesn’t really allow for prolonged conversations, a hug used to say so much. However, with the pandemic touching concerns, my own health-induced anxiety, and moving to a new place not knowing who the huggers are, my hug-giving has fallen by the wayside. It makes me sad and awkward about ‘to hug or not to hug.’ And, that’s just a small snippet of what happens in some folks’ head when you approach them.
Listen well. When someone is able to bring the sunshine each week, he or she may need someone who is listening between the lines. OR, maybe if the sunshine person is being real, then he or she needs to stop and allow the ‘rain cloud’ to lighten his or her load. If the rain cloud person does not feel listened to, he or she will return home heavier and heavier each week. Listen well to their words and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Be authentic but be self-controlled. If you are the oft-changing, variable person, realize how your lack of self-control affects those in your biblical community. I know that everything I feel shows on my face, and with the difficulty of the past few years, I am one of the varying people. I need to remember that being bubbly one day and Eeyore the next time we meet makes it difficult for others to engage with me.
Be more accepting. Kim and I began doing the “whether the weather” statement that each week before we record the Family Minute Family. The reality is that we need to see our fellow church family members for who they are - not just who we want them to be but who they are right now. Not just who God will continue to grow them to be but who they are right now. Sometimes, we are in the thick of a storm, and sometimes we are the storm. Sometimes, we may be the only ray of sunshine our church family member may see the entire week.
Shift perspectives. You don’t have to agree with the person’s view of life, but try to understand that they may be struggling with things that they themselves do not even fully understand yet. Here, especially, if you are a more mature Christian, adopt a mentoring mindset. Share a verse or two, not in condemnation but in encouragement.
Just as every biological or household family has the sunshine, the rain, the cloud, the variable, and all weathers in-between, your church family will have a unique assortment, too - ALL OF WHOM ARE MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE. Never forget that.
Whether the weather TOGETHER!
Thank you for joining us this morning. We pray that you have an excellent week as you continue to raise standards, reach goals, and love one another with God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is the first week of 2023. We hope you had a wonderful time of celebration (or sleep) to ring in the new year! A new year brings new hope, new ideas, and new opportunities. For those listening to us here on the local radio station, we hope you will consider the new idea of volunteering with us as a family in one of the various ways we have available - during a retreat event, working on the facility, or working behind the scenes. If you, your family, your youth group, small group, or civic organization would be interested in helping us help families transform their lives from survival to thriving, please contact us at clearviewretreat.org.
For others listening, we hope you will take the new opportunity to join us for a family camp, marriage retreat, or one of our other program offerings. The calendar is out, and we would love to chat with you about booking an event to build your family’s discipleship strategy and biblical community.
As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!” If we are a new creation, then we have new opportunities abounding every. Single. Day. So, let’s look at some Scripture to inspire us in the new opportunities we will see in 2023.
Galatians 6:10 points out how we can focus on the PURPOSE of new opportunities. “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.” We have a purpose of doing good for all. For ourselves, for our families, for our biblical communities, and more.
Ephesians 5:16-18 shows that we must be willing to take ACTION. The Common English Bible states it this way, “Take advantage of every opportunity because these are evil times.” ‘Take advantage’ means that we must take action; we must be ready to move forward when God shows us the next step He wants our family to take.
If we are taking advantage of opportunities and seeing the purpose of our opportunities as doing good, then Galatians 5:13 falls into better focus. “For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.” We must remember that in every new opportunity we must have an attitude of SERVING one another.
Colossians 4:2-6 commands that we must “[d]evote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains, so that I may make it known as I should. Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” In every new opportunity, a Christ-following family must have an openness to sharing the good news of our salvation in Christ Jesus. (SHARE)
Ecclesiastes 9:10a tells us, “Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength.” Five-minute families, we must KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Paul’s ministry is a great illustration of continuing to move forward. The book of Acts follows Paul and his companions on three missionary journeys. Paul thought he was supposed to be a minister to his people the Jews, but God had a different plan. Paul kept moving forward, continually seeking God’s voice as God led Paul to the Gentiles.
As you seek God’s leading for your family, be mindful of all the new opportunities He brings to you. A few opportunities you are supposed to endeavor to do individually, but many will be family opportunities. Remember, that you each have unique and wonderful contributions to make in any family endeavor. Family opportunities can be a little more difficult to plan and a little different in their implementation, but the richness of relationship that you will build within your family and alongside other families is priceless.
Thank you for joining us today, and we ask that if you have enjoyed the Five Minute Family or any event at Clear View Retreat, please share about it with others. We need your help in getting the word out about 2023 events and family opportunities. You can find out more at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Kim and I hope you had a very wonderful holiday season! So many Christmas parties, church nativity plays, community spirit events, and lights blinking throughout the neighborhoods have filled the days. After we enjoy our favorite treats that we only have this time of year, many of us will look to the upcoming year as one with renewed hope and possibilities.
Have you reviewed your standards this past week? Remember, as Proverbs 16:3 points out. “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” You must raise your standards before setting goals or making resolutions. As we discussed last week many folks will make individual and family resolutions just to see those resolutions fade by the third week of January. But, we CAN deepen our familial relationships and improve the quality of our lives if we take a step back and remember the quick difference in our three terms of this short series:
Standard - the acceptable normal of your home
Goal - your desired result
And, last, Resolution - what you want to change
Here is a quick example for each of those three: For the five-minute family, you may resolve to have family devotions in 2023. A goal for that resolution would be to read one passage of the devotional book Dad bought each week on Tuesday evening, and the standards of completion and accountability probably come into greater emphasis with this particular goal.
As you work through your family’s goals for 2023, please keep in mind
Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.
and
Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Think about this, low standards can keep you from achieving your goals, and not breaking your resolutions into achievable goals will keep you from success. So, let’s discuss five points in how to reach a goal and what standard may need to be raised to achieve it:
First, you must choose a goal that is relevant to current family life. Does this goal really suit your family right now? This element of a goal will be greatly impacted by your standard of balance in life. For example, if your family wants to eat dinner together every night, but mom has to get up at 5am, dad doesn’t get home until 8 pm, teenager doesn’t end practice until 6 pm, and little one is in bed by 7 pm, then eating dinner together every night isn’t a relevant goal, but eating one meal together a week - whether it is breakfast on the weekend or lunch after church on Sunday, that goal might be relevant.
Second, you must evaluate how determined you and each other family member is to achieve this goal. Does your family have the ability to continue trying to achieve your goal, even if it is difficult? Your standard of completion comes into play here. For example, do you have the standard that when a kid starts a sports season, they must finish it?
Third, you must be willing to practice. How disciplined is your family to perform the needed task or skill on the schedule it needs - daily, weekly, monthly? If your family has a low standard for work quality, then that will need to rise before or during your time of practice.
Fourth, it is time to focus. Does your family regularly pay particular attention to issues or tasks that they enjoy doing? Having high standards in mastery of any area will help your family focus on the new goal. If your standard is low in focus, setting an alarm or marking the calendar for everyone to see may help.
And, fifth. Don’t forget the need for accountability. There should be accountability within the family unit, such as lovingly encouraging one another when someone is low in their willingness to practice that day, but you can also tell another family or friend, asking them to check in periodically to see how you guys are doing. Your standard of authenticity will need to be high or rising to achieve accountability in your goal. And, don’t forget, social comparison is off the table when you are choosing to improve the standards and goals of your home.
No matter what you are working on - a standard, goal, or resolution. Be specific. And, if the concepts of standards, goals, or resolutions are too overwhelming for whatever reason OOORRRR if you already have a life with high standards and regularly set goals, then, we encourage you to head over to your favorite podcast player such as google podcast, and find our Five Minute Family from 2020 that discusses choosing a family word of the year.
Thank you so much for joining us for the Five Minute Family this year. Each of us is blessed by our Blesser to be a blessing. No matter what you are motivated to achieve this coming year, remember to do all that you do for the glory of the Lord! Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families. No matter where you in your ACTIVITIES of festivities this time of year, take a moment to breathe deeply and remember that every moment of every day is about Jesus Christ. Remember, He loves you, right where you are.
Once the Christmas festivities have ceased, folks will begin thinking about what the new year will bring. Let’s discuss the concept of New Year’s resolutions and what we suggest this year instead (and why).
But, first, let’s define three important words:
Standard - a required or agreed level of quality; more easily understood as the acceptable normal
Goal - the object of a person's ambition or effort; this is your aim or desired result
And, last, Resolution - a firm decision to do or not to do something
These three words are not the same yet so often are used interchangeably. Today, let’s zoom in on standards.
As the writer at MidAmerica Martial Arts stated, “Let's first discuss the difference between goals and standards. Standards are rules and guidelines; benchmarks that are the minimum level of effort and achievement expected daily. They are the norm. Goals are a result of some concerted effort; a place or level of proficiency above where you currently are.”
Thus, if your family has low standards, no amount of goal-setting or resolution-making will be successful. In business, standards can only be maintained when the people of the business share the same expectations. The same applies to family standards. As Philippians 4:8 states, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” We must discuss together what standards we want to have in our home. Do we have a standard of excellence?
My standard for what has become acceptable in my average day of managing our home and how I organize homeschooling has dropped dramatically in the past five years, especially during the two and a half years when I was often sick, in pain, anxious, depressed, or all four. Until my standards are higher, my kids will continue to put in the lowest possible effort. I want to set a standard for each weekday… time in the Bible, time outside, time with my family, and less time on screens, you get the idea.
Those can be overwhelming, especially if we jumped to defining specific goals and resolving that everything must change at once without setting expectations of norms. So, let’s discuss how we will tackle raising our standards so that we afterward can begin goal-setting and resolution-making as a family.
1.First, we must identify our standard, and the standard for a five-minute family is the Bible. Our standard canNOT be the family we have identified as the “most Christian.” Many folks put their pastor and his family on a pedestal. Others identify a deacon’s family, a teacher’s family, a prominent community figure’s family. Please do not fall into this trap. While some families are certainly going to get things “right” and “better” than our family, we need to look to the Bible and see what God is encouraging our family to work on. Maybe mom and dad didn’t have good Christian examples, or maybe there has been trauma that has caused someone to digress in their walk with the Lord; nevertheless, we can begin to see what God wants our daily standard of life to look like.
2.Next, identify the ONE area of your family life that needs attention whether that is in the area of spiritual living, healthy habits, working practices, or mental health. If you have come to accept low levels of kindness or interaction, then that is what you will get. Choose the one area that you can see has a low standard or quality in your home.
3.Begin taking your thoughts captive. This will include listening for your family’s dynamic in communication and addressing words, phrases, or attitudes that do not contribute to building one another up. Yes, this applies to homework, chores, screen time, Bible time, you name it.
4.Set boundaries TOGETHER for the standard you choose. For our family I began monitoring how much time I spend on devices. We already have monitors in place for the kids, but I wasn’t really paying attention to the amount of time, just whether things were of acceptable content. I plan to utilize this information to raise our standard of time management.
5.The biggest thing a five-minute family must do while trying to raise standards of daily living is to forgive one another when someone messes up.
Join us next week as we tie our standards, goals, and resolutions together to help families make 2023 a fabulous year for the whole family. Be blessed!
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Fall is in the air, and that means hot cocoa, campfires, and s’mores! Another thing in the air is love… God’s love and young love learning how to care for one another God’s way. Today, we close out this series about dating. You know, when Kim and I were younger, the conversations in church about dating were quite different. There have been trends about how young people should feel and behave that are not authentic conversations with real-life solutions. Godly parents, you must take back the narrative. Talk with your children about dating expectations. Discuss dating scenarios in the movies and TV shows you watch. Read Scripture about how to relate well with other folks. We mistakenly told our older children when they hit dating ages not to date because that was the church movement of the time. Now, mind you, we had both dated folks when we were younger, and neither of us really knew how to guide our kiddos with the whole “not dating but still finding” a mate movement. This led to some problems… our older two boys’ first little girlfriends in middle school were kept secret from us. Of course, they only saw these young ladies at church or at our homeschool tutorial, but still, our boys felt that they could not be honest with us with what they were feeling or how to traverse this incredibly important area of life. After our unsuccessful attempts at the “no dating, only courting” saga of the middle school years, we began again by simply having open dialogue with all of our kids about having feelings for someone else - how to protect a young lady’s heart, how to stay pure in this crazy world, and how to honor God in their relationships. I remembered then visiting an old friend during college… her dad was running the church student group on the local college campus. While visiting with her there, I began teasing her about liking one of the guys in the Bible group. She said, “no. I mean, well, I did think I liked him, but after watching him a bit, I realized that we wouldn’t really suit each other.” I questioned the way she worded that and she pointed out how her parents encouraged her to be in prayerful observance of someone before she declared or demonstrated to the person that she liked him. So, five minute families, we offer you the next five ideas to discuss with your dating age (or about to be dating age) children: First, long before your child begins to say he or she likes someone, begin praying OUT LOUD for your child’s future dating partners. Then, when the time comes, encourage your child to pray fervently when he or she realizes that they like someone as more than just a friend. Just as we said a couple of weeks ago, don’t suggest the kiddo goes up and blurts out, “hey, I like you, date me.” Have them start by bringing their like to the Lord in prayer. Have them pray for eyes to see the person authentically - flaws and all. Have them pray that God will show them if the person is a true believer or not. Pray for wisdom on when to share their like with the other person. Second, observe all those things thoughtfully. Encourage your child to ask a trusted friend or you their parent to observe with them. It can be observing the big things y’all are praying about but also the little things - how he eats, does she gossip, is he kind, who does she hang out with? As Proverbs 13:20, I Corinthians 15:33, and other verses point out, “A person's character is known by the kind of company he keeps.” Third, begin spending time together by including others. Hang out in groups and with family members. Then, the group conversations can become more one-on-one; the group dates can become independent dates. Please note that group dating alone is not good because most of those conversations get interrupted or can stay very surface level. Fourth, as the young couple spends more time together, accountability needs to be discussed. We have mentioned boundaries and God-honoring behaviors, but parents
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Take a breath with me. No matter what is happening in your life right now, breathe in God’s Word and trust Him to help you take the next step, even if you don’t know the full picture yet. Not knowing the full picture… That’s what dating is. This is week three in our dating series, and last week, we made a mistake - misspoke - about the definition we had wanted to give for the all-encompassing dating term. We stated, “So, let’s define what we call dating… basically, any type of meeting up -and interacting- for the purposes of getting to know someone in order to decide if you want to get married.” We mistakenly added the part at the end about deciding about wanting to get married. Our teens should not always be thinking about getting married. They SHOULD be thinking long-term as in what behaviors or characteristics do they find appealing to them, but the person they date in high school or college does not have to be the person they marry. We point out our mistake because even though we knew the point we would be making this week, we still added it on without realizing we did it. Dating is NOT just spending time in order to decide if you want to marry THAT PARTICULAR PERSON. Some folks date when they know they have no intentions of marrying. Sometimes the person is too young to marry, sometimes the person has just gotten out of another relationship, sometimes he or she has never dated before and needs to meet and get to know a few people to truly see who God has in store for them as a lifetime marriage partner. Five Minute Families, when we parents or our young people wrongly adopt the attitude that EVERY dating relationship should end in marriage, then we are asking for many complications and unnecessary difficulties. Because, unfortunately, some folks date with an “already married” mindset instead of a “dating” mindset. Just as we discussed last week, we must all first learn how to relate. We must learn how to relate - not imitate - marriage. So, let’s go deeper into five more relating principles and how they apply differently in a dating relationship than a marital relationship. First, we must have mutual respect of separate identities. While a married couple is biblically one and must make decisions based on that oneness, young dating couples must have a mutual respect for the individuality and unique plan God may have in store for them. For example, if two high school seniors are dating, and one plans to go to university in Washington state and the other plans to attend technical college, then both should be encouraged by their families and by each other to continue to pursue those goals. If God plans for these two young people to end up together, He will direct their paths back to one another. Second, trustworthiness and honesty. Now, obviously, all relationships need trustworthiness and honesty. But, the depth that these go will look different while dating. If a young person isn’t certain about the future with their dating partner, it is ok to step out of the relationship without in depth explanations as to why. There is always honesty but the requirement to share deep details can actually be detrimental in a dating relationship where there is not yet a lifetime commitment. Third, in the realm of fairness and equality, a married couple must make all efforts necessary to preserve and protect the sanctity of the marriage. In dating, a young couple needs to understand that freedom to speak with friends of the opposite gender and ability to do things that do not require checking in with your dating partner are both acceptable ways of relating. Each couple needs to apply that communication we mentioned last week to make sure that both partners feel the relationship is fair and equal. Fourth, being supportive in a dating relationship, quite honestly, should not involve the same level of sacrifice that is required in a marital relationship. In marriage, sometimes there are big...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last week, we launched into a deep subject that many people hold extreme opinions about - dating. Because of circumstances, we opted to go into a specific detail first. This week, let’s zoom out and take the overarching viewpoint. We record the Five Minute Families for Christ-following families. We want others to be able to learn from it, but the reality is that without the Holy Spirit illuminating God’s Truth that we share, much that we discuss won’t make much sense. Unfortunately, many people throughout history and indeed in modern years, have taken Scripture out of context and applied rules and conditions to finding a life mate that just are not how God intended. Yet, because those things gave us step-by-step rules to follow, so many of us got caught up in different ways of dating. God created us for relationships and He ordained the covenant of marriage. Thus, He must condone finding a mate. Some groups and cultures will arrange marriages with varying degrees of the married parties’ involvement. Still, in most cultures we know and reach, each person will choice his or her own life mate. So, let’s define out we call dating… basically, any type of meeting up -and interacting- for the purposes of getting to know someone in order to decide if you want to get married. That’s means we are including group get-togethers, courting, one-on-one outings, and everything in between when we refer to dating. But, more than dating, every single person - at any age - should be focused on relating well with everyone, not just one person of interest. Being especially mindful to relate well when you like someone matters. Five-minute families, if we want our children to relate well, date well, and marry well, then we must train them up (and work on ourselves, too) in the following five areas of relating: 1. One-anothering. “The Golden Rule” says in Matthew 7:12 “Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” If we want encouragement, love, affection, sympathy, and more, we must be willing to give those things to others. 2. Boundaries. Yes, boundaries are necessary in relating well and thus in a dating relationship. While Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's BURDENS, Galatians 6:5 reminds us that we “each will have to bear his own LOAD.” We each have those areas that we must tackle and address ourselves - our load, but we each have areas wherein we need to help each other - our burdens. Boundaries are biblical in EVERY relationship not just with our neighbors as Proverbs 25:17 illustrates so well. 3. Goals. Each relationship needs a common set of goals, and as those relationships are developing and we do not yet have specific goals, we must keep in mind the generalized ones from Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” And from Ephesians 4:2-3 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 4. Communication. When we want to begin dating someone, we do not need to just blurt out, “hey, I like you. Date me.” Ephesians 4:29 tells us that “No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” Each new relating - slash - dating relationship needs to build a positive communication pattern, and that will take time in grace and encouragement. 5. Reconciliation. All relationships, even quick interactions with strangers, may require reconciliation, so definitely in growing relationships, we must remember Matthew 5:22-24 “But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment... First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” We must be willing to see how others affect us and practice God’s grace, mercy,...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are Jim and Kim Nestle of Clear View Retreat. Our family camp ministry is available to all families in the norms and storms of life. And, one of the very NORMal aspects of life is finding a life mate - someone with whom you can grow old with, share your dreams with, and, most importantly, represent the Lord with. Dating is a massive topic, and as we discussed this series, we realized that there are general areas for conversation and some needed specific areas of conversation. Today, we will address a very specific issue that not all dating couples will deal with, but because it was brought to our attention, we would like to start with it. This intro will touch on some of the points that we will detail out in the coming weeks, but if you have something that jumps out at you, please comment on our facebook page or send us an email. You can find either link at the top on our website clearviewretreat.org. Let’s dive in. Most of us do not meet someone, fall in love, and get married in three weeks. Dating is for the purpose of FINDING the proper mate, not MOLDING a specific person INTO the proper mate. Only God can do the necessary molding for a good and godly mate. Spending time with peers, whether in group settings or dating, allows a single person to get to know characteristics and behaviors that become non-negotiable needs or dislikes for their forever relationships. Many young ladies I have known, myself included, feel that when they are (or were) dating, she is intentionally spending time with that person in order to marry him, not just to see if she WANTS to marry HIM specifically. With this mindset, if a dating couple encounters a major problem, it MUST be worked through and overcome as a MARRIAGE requires instead of realizing that this is a DATING relationship that might not be the forever relationship that God has planned. I have heard several people say in their dating relationships, “His heart doesn’t match his behavior” referring to the differences in how the dating partner behaves in private versus how he behaves in public. For many of those folks, it causes numerous problems and divisions from friends and family members. Please note, that if your significant other behaves badly in private and behaves well in public, that is require a vastly different conversation than we are having here now. We will discuss this more in coming weeks. Today, we are talking about when you or someone you love, such as one of your teen or young adult children, says that their boyfriend or girlfriend’s behavior in public which is obnoxious or rude or disrespectful or crass behavior, you get the idea - is not the same as his or her behavior in private wherein he or she is kind, gentle, and caring - especially when it is just the two of them together - thus the statement, “their heart doesn’t match their behavior.” That statement is simply not biblically true because God is not a liar. This is a hard chat to have with someone in love, but God’s word says in Matthew 12:34 “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” We all want to be in denial that our worst behaviors are somehow NOT reflective of our inner heart’s attitude, but reality is that those bad behaviors reveal SOMETHING about us. Note, this is not to say that our bad behaviors reveal we are bad people or that someone in a dating relationship with this issue must immediately stop seeing the other person. However, our behaviors do, indeed, reveal something that is going on in our hearts, and when we are interacting with those in dating relationships, we five-minute families must speak God’s truth in love. Reasons abound for why there may be a discrepancy in someone’s public and private behavior. The most obvious one is that our first thoughts are not often the God thoughts we will come to if we take time to pray, meditate, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us. So, if we let those first thoughts come out of our...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Many of us spent time with family and friends this past weekend for the Labor Day holiday. In all of those gatherings, the likelihood is extremely high that someone was dealing with anxiety considering that about 1 in 5 people are dealing with a diagnosable anxiety disorder in America today. Today, we are going to talk about what a five-minute family can do to show the love of Christ to one another even in a time of increased anxiousness for one of the family members. Why would this be a discussion for a Christian family? Well, unfortunately, there are people out there who do not recognize the importance of mental health and mental health issues. God commands us to love one another. He encourages us to encourage one another. He loves us through the difficult times as an example of how we are to love one another through tough times. Many websites have specific ways family members can help or simply cope with a loved ones anxiety. Please remember that your family member with anxiety does not want to experience the rapid heart rate, constant overthinking, possible nausea, sweating, and difficulty concentrating, to name just a few of the symptoms. A blog at calm.com has numerous tips. These are the five we felt were of the highest priority and why. 1. Listen deeply and compassionately. James 1:19 tells us to “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” When we are listening to a loved one with anxiety, we need to practice being fully present, not merely trying to think of how we may respond, especially if we have been thinking about ways to correct their faulty thinking. 2. Be aware of your impact on your loved one. Your family member is facing an inner, constant bully and they are likely constantly telling themselves that they are always a burden. Reminding them that you enjoy being with them, even when they are anxious, can mean more than you can possibly imagine. One thing that the blog pointed out that is a very practical matter is that if you are going to be late or change the plans, you must realize that your anxious family member will need a quick explanation in order to avoid unnecessary hurt or worry. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to “encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 3. Check in regularly. Put another way, be willing to ask, “are you feeling anxious right now?” followed up by, “is there something I can do to help?” Sometimes, the person saddled with anxiety has behaviors that are pre-cursors, and by helping them work through the difficult moments, you can be a part of the solution. That solution may be a simple acknowledgment that it is ok that they are having a rough time or it could be to suggest that it would be ok for them to step away either alone or with you, depending on the circumstances. 1 Corinthians 12:26 admonishes us to remember that “if one member suffers, all suffer together.” 4. Let the anxiety be. As a secondary point to checking in and recognizing the anxious moment, realize, too, that it might not be a good moment to try to talk them out of their feelings. Let your loved one with anxiety know that you know this isn’t something he or she is choosing and that while you may not understand their feeling fully, you are a safe person to talk to about the anxiety. Take a moment to silently pray along the lines of John 16:33 that your anxious loved one will have peace, that though in this world we will have tribulations, God will help our hearts overcome.” 5. And, finally, even with all that, remember to hold your own boundaries. You must take care of yourself as you try to minister to one another. Just as keeping them informed with changes, communicate your need for a breather or a time alone, but remember to set a time in the future for your anxious loved one to know that you guys will reconnect. As we have mentioned before, Matthew 22:39 tells us to “love our neighbors as ourselves” which means...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. When our boys were young, there was an artist on the local radio station where we lived who had a kids radio show called Karen and Kids. One of the songs they sang came from Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Karen and the kids would sing “Ask and seek and knock.” By the way, you can find that song on youtube. I can still hear that song run through my mind. It came to my recall earlier this week when I was doing research for marketing the retreat. Marketing is not in my natural gifting, so I do lots of research of it. Another retreat I can across had the statement “We all need a place to unplug, unwind and seek God” prominent on its home page. Seek God. Seek means ‘to go in search of’ something. If we are to seek God well, how exactly are we supposed to do that? Any type of search has steps… how to conduct a google search is not the same as how to conduct a geocache search. How to search for a lost dog will not look anything like how to search for your career options. Yet, what are the elements that make a good search? Being specific, being thorough, having relevance, for the searcher to be open to suggestions, and having a valuable resource are but a few of the elements of a good search. When I first started looking into seeking God as a concept or teachable moment, I simply saw a bunch of verses or paraphrases such as 1 Chronicles 22:19 Now set your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God. Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God or Isaiah 55:6-7 Seek the Lord while he may be found Those parts of those verses are great but they are not specific or thorough. You know, one of our sons has to have very detailed instructions for every task we give him. While the concept of something may be well know, the steps to achieve are not always so easily discernible. Each verse includes a touch more about seeking within the verse itself or the context of where the verse is found. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” And in Isaiah 55:6-7 “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” Jeremiah 29:13 illuminates a bit of the start of the actual process of seeking God for someone who is struggling to get started: “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Just like in food dieting, one must be “all in” with no cheat days to achieve a lasting belief change about food. But, still, for those who find comfort in a process, though we all know God can work in and through us in ANY way He sees fit, we found that a “seeking God process” is most easily identifiable in 2 Chronicles 7:14 and Lamentations 3:40. Lamentations 3:40 Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord! 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Five minute families, if we are to seek God, we must: 1. Examine ourselves - where are you… honestly! 2. Humble ourselves - if you have been putting ANYTHING or ANYONE before God, take your focus off yourself 3. Pray - call out to the Lord even if you think you don’t know how to pray. Just speak out loud to God what is on your mind and ask for His guidance. 4. Seek HIS FACE - This one sounds redundant, but in 2 Chronicles seeking God specifically mentions seeking His face. The only way to truly see God for who He is is to study his Word. 5. And, finally, as both verses mention, it is time to turn or return to God which means it is time to repent and confess. Each step can have many nuanced phases within it and God...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It’s “big words day” here as we focus on theology for the family. We are going to wow you with spectacularly complex topics and bore you with their explanations. Our words are going to have almost as many syllables as Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, which of course is quite atrocious. Wait right there, mister! We are not going for complex and boring! Five Minute Family is to help families understand God’s word and teachings. Yes, that is true. Often we hear big words and concepts and want to know what their meaning, but we may not know how to learn them, let alone teach them to our families. We must realize that things like systematic theology (one of those big words) is not just for pastors. It is for families, too. I have heard about parents putting together in-depth presentations, having their children sit through hour long, or longer, lectures. Is that a reality for most of us? No, I don’t think so, though it could be a good thing depending on family members’ ages and learning styles. So, that’s a big introduction to say that we will try to tackle deeper theological topics and make them easy for families to think about and discuss. Scott Swain states, “theology is wisdom about God and all things in relation to God.” Wow, that can be quite in-depth. So, where do we start? Let’s start with the theology of how God makes Himself known to His creation. Revelation is our big concept for today. It’s simply how God shows Himself. We like to say that “God likes to show up and show off” and we can see this and discuss this in several ways: His character, His creation, His actions, His words, and His son Character - the amazing creator of the universe is also a loving and caring God who reveals Himself through a personal relationship with the universe. Bob Kellemen loved to say, “Even before God created, He related.” That speaks of the concept we call the trinity: The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (more about those three in a future FMF episode). Within God’s character we see that he is able to relate, able to think, able to choose, able to feel, and able to be present in physical form. And as Genesis 1:27 says, we are created in His image. God is not an abstract man-made concept or an impersonal force in the universe we manipulate for our own agenda. We can talk with him, stand in awe, and humble ourselves before Him. Creation - Nature reveals the glory of God. What awestruck wonder is found when we look at the world around us. Take your family for a walk through the woods or visit a zoo. The variety of plants, trees, bushes, flowers, and even what we would call weeds are amazing in their differences. Animals from the sky to the seas and on lands and rivers, birds, bears and bees, oh wow! Psalm 19:1-2 says “The heavens declare the glory of God and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech and night to night reveals knowledge.” Actions - Just like Psalm 19 talked about the day and night, we see evidence of God designing events to show His nature - from the changing of seasons within the year to specific actions like “the flood,” the “exodus,” the “crucifixion” and many other real historical events. These point to God’s story throughout history allowing us to see Him show up and show off. Words - God’s words - collected together in what we call the Bible or Scripture - were written by men, 40 diverse personalities and styles. And, not just a dictation of what God was saying, but rather an inspiration to His truths, an amazing message that in itself can be labeled an intentional creation. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us that “all Scripture is breathed out by God.” The Bible is not a text book with chapters or topical studies, and yet it still captures everything God intended for us to know. It is the source that we study for our theology. It is our privilege to search the depths of Scripture and share them with our families. Jesus Christ - He is the...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you feel qualified to be a parent? What do those around you think of your parenting? Are you equipped to be a good parent? Maybe you are a teen parent, still needing to grow up yourself. Maybe you are a confused young adult who wasn’t sure you even wanted children. Maybe you are in a difficult marriage and children have further complicated communication and compromise. No matter where you started or are on in your parenting journey, reality is that some stages of parenting are harder than others. Some folks think they are good with babies but not able to parent teens well. Others are the opposite. And, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of natural parenting abilities or stages of child development that interest you more, God will see you through these parenting days if you will let Him. Children are referred to as a blessing in the word of God; Psalm 127:3 states that they are a heritage from the Lord. Thus, if God has blessed you with a child, He has called you to be a good and godly parent, AND HE WILL EQUIP YOU TO DO SO. Joining the subject and verb of Hebrews 13 verses 20 and 21, we see that “the God of peace…equips us with everything good to do his will.” So, how will God equip us parents? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 states, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Just as we see in 2 Timothy, God uses Scripture to equip us. That means, five minute parents, to become good parents in the biblical sense, we must allow God’s Word to saturate our entire lives. We parents must carve out time for: 1. Personal Bible reading. One of our old pastors stated it this way, “The biggest transformer of a life is reading God’s word daily.” 2. Bible study which can be in the form of Sunday school, videos, organized lectures, or even commentaries and other books about the Bible 3. Corporate bible learning such as sermons or other lectures 4. Small group discussions - In Exodus 4:10-12 Moses shares with God how he does not feel equipped to follow God’s leading. God replies that he will help him speak and teach him what to say. Moses STILL asks God to send someone else! Parents do not have the luxury of tapping out of parenting completely, but just as God sent Aaron to be Moses’s spokesperson, we can engage in biblical community to know that others will speak God’s truth to our children when we do not understand the needed biblical truth or 5. Scripture-inspired music - Be careful to not go with just music that makes you feel good. Choose music that is filled with Scripture that helps you learn more of God’s word. God speaks to parents throughout his Word with examples of guidance and leadership but also with specific Scriptural instruction: Deuteronomy 6:4-7 Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Hebrews 12:7-11 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Today is the final part of our three-part series looking at what God is able to do FOR us, what God is able to do IN us, and what God is able to do THROUGH us. I remember when the boys were little, and life was all about diapers and food and toys and diapers and food and naps and, well, you get the idea. There was no room to “do” anything for the Lord because all my time was eaten up doing things for my children and my household. I wanted God to use me for more than just goldfish and diaper blow-outs. However, through my time of serving my family, God was working THROUGH me to reach them. And, He continues to work THROUGH each and every one who calls him their Lord and Savior. As 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 illustrates, God reconciles us to himself: “Everything is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and he has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, ‘Be reconciled to God.’” Since God reconciled us, we can now be ambassadors. Have you ever thought of what it means to be an ambassador? We are God’s OFFICIAL representative to the world. Secondly, as His ambassadors, He will reveal Himself to others through us. As Paul states in Galatians 1:16 that God called him by grace “to reveal his Son in me, so that I could preach him among the Gentiles.” And again in Romans 11:13, Paul says, “Now I am speaking to you Gentiles. Inasmuch then as I am an apostle to the Gentiles, I magnify my ministry.” Next, we see that God will bear fruit THROUGH us. Colossians 1:10 reminds us that we are filled with His wisdom and spiritual understanding so that we “may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God.” 2 Peter 1:2-3 puts it this way, “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.” The amazing thing about God is that He chooses to include us in what He does. He will minister THROUGH us with the Holy Spirit guiding us as 2 Corinthians 3:6 shows: “He has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” And, Romans 8:2 “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” And, finally, we must remember that God will do his own pleasure through us; we cannot let our selfishness or personal desires guide us. Philippians 2:3 reminds us to “[d]o nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” Likewise, in James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” Let’s run through the fifteen points we have covered in the past three weeks. What is God able to do FOR us? He saves us, delivers us, protects us, makes us stand, and raises us. What is God able to do IN us? He fills us, dwells IN us, places IN us incredible strength, works IN us, and builds IN us. What is God able to do THROUGH us? God will reconcile others THROUGH us, He will reveal Himself THROUGH us, He will bear fruit THROUGH us, He will minister to others THROUGH us, and He will do His own pleasure THROUGH us. Those fifteen things are but a fraction of what God is capable of. Does your family ever take a few moments to remember and celebrate the strength and power of our Lord? Take time to rest in Him, learn through Him, and live your lives for Him. We do thank you for joining us this morning, and please check us out at clearviewretreat.org...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thanks for joining us this morning for part two of our three-part series looking at what God is able to do FOR us, what God is able to do IN us, and what God is able to do THROUGH us. As 1 Corinthians 12 points out, God gives us spiritual gifts to use for the good of one another. A family can be filled with so many different personalities and interests that sometimes it can be hard to see what God is doing IN each one of us. We may easily see the giftedness of our family members but struggle to see what gift God has given us or where God wants us to use that gift. Just as spiritual gifts are real, and one person’s giftedness may be overwhelmingly obvious, it is also true that there are blessings and gifts that God gives to each and every one of us as His children. Just as we encouraged you last week, please listen to the many verses we are about to share, then choose one and spend time in meditation, prayer, and study learning about that one aspect of what God is able to do IN us. Follow up that personal time of learning, by sharing with your family what God revealed to you. As a family, you could even each choose a different verse, and during your next family devotional, have each family member share together. Each of us is able because God fills us through the fullness of His son Jesus Christ. In Colossians 1:19 we read “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him.” And in Ephesians 4:10 - “He [Jesus] who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.” That filling means that the Holy Spirit dwells in us, and, thus, God helps us to overcome temptation. Hebrews 2:18 says, “For since he himself has suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted.” And 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that “no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” God’s places in us incredible strength. As the world may fall around us, we must remember the words of Isaiah 41:10 - “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” When we remember that God is in us, we can speak as Paul did in 1 Timothy 1:12 - “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service.” Because God gives us His strength, He is able to work IN us. He equips us just as Hebrews 13:21 points out - “May God… equip you with everything good to do his will, working in us what is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever.” Likewise, we do not have to fret about anything He calls us to work in because just as Ephesians 2:10 states, “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Now, taking in those first four points of what God is able to do IN us… let’s pause for a minute and think about how many of us have uttered the words “if I win the lottery, I am going to build a fabulous house with a movie theater, indoor pool, large game room,…”? You get the point. What an amazing inheritance we would be able to leave our children if we won the 450 million lottery! But, five minute families, how often do we pause to remember the inheritance that God has ALREADY GIVEN us? AND, how that inheritance will help us to “build” the abundant life He desires for us. Acts 20:32 reminds us “I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you an inheritance among all who are sanctified.” And Ephesians 1:18 also states, “having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Today we begin a three-part series looking at what God is able to do FOR us, what God is able to do IN us, and what God is able to do THROUGH us. Do you know what God is able to do FOR you? God calls brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers to share with one another the encouragement and truth He reveals to each one of us. We are not walking through this earthly life alone. As we share numerous verses over the next few minutes, please choose one to explore more deeply with your family. God gives us His strength. In Colossians 1:29 Paul reminds us that he labored to present everyone mature in Christ only by striving with God’s strength that works powerfully in us. Without Christ and the Holy Spirit, everything a believer does is without purpose. We must remember that all the actions we take for God are only to bring Him glory AND those actions are only fruitful because HE is doing mighty work. We are merely His vessels for the moment. Family life is a great example of leaning on His power in order to shine the light of truth in each other’s lives. We see this again and again in Scripture, including Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us.” So, with those verses in mind, what really is God able to do FOR us? Of utmost importance is that He and He alone saves us. Hebrews 7:25 “Therefore, he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, since he always lives to intercede for them.” We cannot be good enough, we cannot repent enough, we cannot follow the law closely enough to be worthy of salvation, but God saved us. He did this FOR us because He loves us. We must remember that God will always deliver us just as he delivered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In Daniel 3:17 we read, “If the God we serve exists, then he can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he can rescue us from the power of you, the king.” Now, we must also remember that not all of God’s deliverance is supernatural in the fiery furnace way, nor does he always keep us from experiencing the pain from the sins of others. However, when we trust Him for deliverance, we must also trust his choice of method of deliverance as well. God is able to protect us. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 states it this way, “But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” The 24th verse of the book of Jude speaks not only about God’s ability to protect us but also that He will present us faultless - “Now to him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of his glory, without blemish and with great joy…” God is able to do so much more than we can even fathom. We forget that He will raise us at the appointed time just as John 11:25 demonstrates: “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.” Abraham knew that God was capable of such which is why Hebrews 11:19 points that out and reveals that Abraham knew he would receive Isaac back - either literally or figuratively. There are so many more than just five things that God is able to do FOR us. One of those is that He satisfies us. 2 Corinthians 9:8 - “And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.” God wants us to live abundant lives now, here on earth and he wants us to have a foretaste of the amazing glory we will walk in for eternity with Him. We ask again… Do you know what God is able to do FOR you? Do you know what he is able to do FOR your family? Do you believe that He will? Do you share with your family members verses of truth He reveals to you, helping them to see how much we can fully trust and rely on our sweet Lord and Savior? Five Minute families, we challenge you take a moment to look up even just one of the verses we shared. Ask God to...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. If your family is like most in America, you are in the middle of summer break. Many of your best laid plans for summer may have already fallen through. So, let’s discuss ways to recapture these summer days while establishing some good habits for the future. I don’t know about y’all but the summer break time has totally gotten away from me. One of our sons stayed up until 4:15 the other morning! I find myself struggling to get the kids in a routine when I feel I have so much work to do. Summer time is the busiest here at Clear View Retreat, but I don’t want my kids to suffer during a busy season for myself. As a parent, my ministry to my family is my primary ministry. Structure is a good thing - 1 Corinthians 14:40 tells us that. However, we do not want to become legalistic about our days. I have known many families that believe that getting the whole household up by a certain early morning time is vital to good outcomes. I have also known families that stay up until all hours - not answering the door or phones, or schedule anything at all until after twelve noon, and they are quite productive as well. Our society values the early risers over the night owls, but I don’t think that that is what God is trying to dictate a specific time when he says, “In the morning” about prayer, meeting with others, arising, etc. I think he is referring more to the idea that we seek him first upon wakening. Otherwise, what about the people who work second or third shifts. Are they sinning because they do not arise at 6 am and pray? Now, if the parents are early risers and you want a family culture of rising early, feel free, but don’t be judgmental if another family chooses otherwise. So, we are not talking about a schedule here. We are looking at a summer routine, parts of which you may be able to take into fall with you. Luke 4:16 says “And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read.” 1. Work on discipline, no matter what you or the fam’s motivation level is. Motivation versus discipline can be seen here in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Self-discipline isn’t a feeling; it is an action. Even the smallest steps forward will help you gain momentum and get to where you want to go, just like five minutes a day can snowball into a lifestyle change for you, our Five Minute Families. 2. Break the day into sections. Morning, afternoon, and evening are the simplest three. Remember even Deuteronomy 6:7 while encouraging us to talk about God at any and every moment we can, still breaks the day into parts in its description, “Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” So, breaking the day into parts makes sense for our summer routine, too, but maintaining a purpose and goal is vital as well. 3. Figure out what is the most important DAILY activity for you and the family … is it devotional time, reading time, or chore time? Focus there. Of course, your one thing may be part of a bigger routine, but as you are getting started this summer, or when a day falls apart, bring your focus and discipline to the MOST important part of the routine instead of kicking yourself for not getting it all done. 4. Include the kids if possible in making the summer routine. I would love to get into the habit of walking as part of my morning routine, and I want to include one of my boys so that we can have one-on-one time. But, demanding one of my boys come with me or asking the night owl would be setting us up for failure. 5. Include fun times!!! Don’t become so goal-oriented that you lose sight of the ultimate prize - time with your family as you honor the Lord together. As time allows, pick some odd, random things the family wants to do, and make sure you include them in
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We just wrapped up a marriage retreat at CVR and are looking forward to a family camp coming right around the corner. We love to encourage families to grow closer to Christ, encourage strong biblical marriages, and journey with those who grieve in life losses. One thing we cannot do in ministry is sit around and do nothing. Sounds obvious in a lot of ways but it is something we need to address on daily basis. Way too often we can become comfortable where we are and simply not do anything. Psalm 1 is a great place to start in looking at what we are wanting to encourage in this session. Verse 1 reads: How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners nor sit in the seat of scoffers. The blessing and encouragement out of the verse is the NOT… In sin, a person progresses from walking, standing, and then sitting - from movement to not only stillness but becoming comfortable in a place we shouldn’t be. Along with movement we see another progression from wicked to sinners to scoffers. That one is not as obvious as walking, standing, or sitting because we can relate easily with those things and know when we are doing those activities. Walking with the wicked, standing with sinners or sitting with scoffers is not always a full jump deep into sin. Casting Crowns has a song, Slow Fade, which covers this idea perfectly. We often don’t even realize how far off the path of righteousness we may have gotten until we are confronted with the truth and see that we are not where we should be. Many decisions are placed before us daily. Here in Psalm 1 is life and death, blessings and curses - the right way which leads to holiness and prosperity and the wrong way which leads to misery and ruin. Of course, daily life often does not seem like such major decisions. Life is simple right, when to wake up, what to eat, where to work and things like that. But we can easily get comfortable in the mundane. We can start walking with the world and share its views. And before we know it, we will be standing right next to sinners and even sitting with the scoffers… and who are they scoffing at? They are scoffing at those who practice righteousness. How does this apply to family and relationships? We see in Ephesians 5:1-2: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” Let’s break that verse down into parts. 1. Be imitators of God. That sounds like a very tall order, but we should know that God as described in Philippians 1:6 began the good work and will also complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. It means we seek Him and His truth, preparing our hearts for transformation into His likeness. Be imitators of God to your family. Show grace, give mercy, seek and grant forgiveness. 2. Recognize our position as Children of God. We are not simply trying to appease some unknown, unloving, uncaring God but are coming to God as His child. We know that He gives good things to those who know Him. Not money or cars or houses, but blessings that encourage us to resist temptations that take us off the path. Speak this truth into your family. Help them see that in Christ we have been adopted into His family as beloved children. 3. Walk in love the same as Christ. Here we see a return to walking but this time in the positive. This is intentional walking. Not just going out for a scenic hike or walk around the block for exercise, but one that stays on the path of righteousness and seeks the face of God. 4. Prepare for a sacrifice of -what we call- our flesh. Christ gave himself up for us and we can reflect Him by giving up our selfish desires for others. Jesus taught that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Galatians 5 shows us that through our love for others we gain freedom. We are no longer captive to...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you have enjoyed the Gifts of Marriage series. We had a newly married couple ask for a copy of the transcript of this series recently and want to let you know how you can get your own copy. Head over to our blog at the clearviewretreat.org website or look at the Five Minute Family podcast on your favorite podcast app or contact us directly from our Facebook page. And know that we can host discussion-style marriage retreats at CVR for you and your fellow married friends. Today, we are diving into the ‘gift of purpose’ that marriage brings. We are not talking about the biblical purpose of marriage but about the ‘gift of purpose’ a married couple who puts God first will enjoy. Let’s start with a question taken from the Westminster catechism. To clarify, the Westminster catechism is a summary of the principles of the Christian religion in the form of questions and answers. So, the first question is ‘what is the chief end of man?’ And, the answer is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Psalm 138:8 reminds us that “[t]he Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Again, God created each of us for a purpose. And, thus, each marriage has a unique purpose in the kingdom of God. A married couple must have intentionality in their actions and activities. Just like Ephesians 2:10 indicates, each couple will have a unique purpose in advancing God’s kingdom. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” God doesn’t just have a purpose for marriage in general, but He has a specific purpose for your marriage as His gift for you to enjoy. We know couples that go on short-term missions trips together one week a year. Other couples that work on their church’s VBS together, even if they don’t have kids in the elementary age-group. We know couples who teach pre-marital classes at their church, leaving the pastor available for the counseling portion. One couple devoted their lives to serving in the church such that when one was needed on a fulltime volunteer basis for his church’s production team, his wife got a different full time job to support the family until the church was able to hire him on. And, not every couple will be involved in organized “Christian” ministries but they will share the mission-mindedness God encourages all believers. One couple chooses to carry an extra $20 bill in their pockets at all times and share them as the Holy Spirit leads and then share the stories with one another. We have known couples volunteer to coach sports in order to be a Christian influence in the children’s lives; one member of the couple may have the sports skill, but the support of the other with time, snacks, and cheering can matter just as much. One couple began hosting the local football team for a meal before the local game. They made sure that anyone who needed a ride had one and that the fellowship was lighthearted. The kids began asking more questions, and outside football season would sometimes ask to get together to pray. If you are unsure of God’s purpose for your marriage, you can review together five areas John MacArthur outlines that are explicitly mentioned in the Bible about what God’s will or plan for us is. Those five things are: 1. To be saved, 2. to be Spirit-filled, 3. to be sanctified, 4. to be submissive to one another, 5. and to be willing to suffer for the sake of the Lord As Dr. Macarthur states, “If you’re saved, Spirit-filled, sanctified, submissive, suffering, and thankful – do whatever you want.” Obviously, he is not referring to sinful behavior but to behavior that pours out of those five areas God outlines that you do as His followers. If one of you is not there yet in these explicit areas of God’s will, then the spouse’s responsibility is to be praying for the other and listening quietly
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Marriage is ordained by God and recognized by society as a foundational function for relationship development. God gives us good gifts. And, in marriage He gives the couple the gifts of companionship, passion, and purpose, to name but a few. Last week we discussed the elements necessary for good companionship, and this week we will be chatting about passion. Passion is often thought of in one of two ways… an intense emotion or a strong physical relationship. The dictionary definition includes a strong liking or desire as well as defining passion as an object of love, liking, or desire. Examples include ‘She told the story with passion,’ ‘Learning is my passion,’ or ‘He has passion for sports.’ In marriage, passion is, as Hatfield defined it, “an intense longing for union with another.” The feeling of passion often seems more powerful at the beginning of a relationship. We are enthusiastic to get to know one another, and we will sometimes feign interest in areas that we are not actually interested in. We must remember though that the emotional side of passion is just as fleeting and fickle as any emotion. Passion requires that we intentionally choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy one another just as we choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy hobbies or other interests. A divorced man once said, “If I had just sat down and had a cup of morning coffee with my ex-wife like she repeatedly but kindly asked, we might still be married today. So, be sure to find your cup of coffee with your spouse.” My husband and I have had many “coffees” over the years… a sip of his latte (which I despised at the time), learning to play cribbage, watching cooking shows, and more. So, let’s briefly discuss five thought patterns to adopt to maintain or rebuild passion in your marriage. First, we must be willing to learn something new together. Sometimes, a husband has his hobbies, and a wife has hers. And, there is nothing wrong with having things you do separately. Still, to improve the passion in your marriage, find something to learn and ENJOY together. This is NOT about forcing one another to do what the other likes. You can try stepping into your spouse’s personal passion, of course, but if you aren’t drawn to that area, then you should be honest and keep looking. And, that brings us to our next point… You gotta have enthusiasm about trying new things. You don’t have to fake it, but you do need to be enthusiastic for at least the possibly rebirth or deepening of your relationship. You may have a few duds trying to find things to do together before you both feel fully passionate about the same thing. Have a sense of humor about the process, building memories and passion even through the flops. Another thought to remember about a strong marriage is that even as we seek passion, we need resilience for the process of rebuilding or deepening it. Having flexibility and engaging in active problem solving skills will go a long way to helping each of you regain or deepen the passion between you. We must think of the gift of passion in marriage as something beyond the physical that can improve the physical. Obviously, what we discussed in the first three points is not about the physical passion in marriage, but we must remember that the Bible refers to physical passion as knowing one another. When we spend time together cultivating a relationship of liking, enjoying, and desiring being together, then the physical side of the relationship is enhanced. And, the physical. If you and your spouse have gotten away from simply holding hands, hold hands. If you only ever give each other a quick peck outside of intimate times, take some time to give each other a sweet, lasting kiss (and nothing more). Then, MAKE TIME for the physical passion God encourages in marriage. As 1 Corinthians 7 states, “Do not deprive one another” of physical intimacy. We are to honor the marriage with our marriage bed as well just as...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. “Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today.” While June may not be the most popular month for weddings, it is special to us and many of our family and friends as the month when they entered into that sweet institution of marriage. Why is marriage called an institution? Marriage is one of the many social institutions recognized by researchers and studies of social relationships. Social institutions are the foundations of a society, meeting various human needs and functions. In Genesis 2:18, God established the institution of marriage as a biblical foundation when He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” And again in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Marriage brings the couple many gifts and blessings, and for the next three weeks we want to discuss three of those gifts as identified by Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships - companionship, passion, and purpose. Today, let’s focus in on companionship. I love how God fully understood the need for companionship in marriage. Deuteronomy 24:5 points out that “[w]hen a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” Companionship requires spending time with someone, and intentionally working on the other elements of companionship will help a five-minute couple build a strong, God-honoring marriage. Reciprocity - Reciprocity is the give and take for mutual benefit. Just as Ephesians 5:21 reminds us that we are to submit to one another, Ephesians 5:33 also points out that husbands are to love their wives as themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. We must be willing to give what our spouse needs and accept what we need from our spouse. Support - Supporting one another is necessary in all human interactions and no less so than in the marriage relationship. We cannot take one another for granted and drain the other’s emotional resources, yet we must also be willing to go through the tough times together. John 13:14 tells us to serve one another, and in Acts 6 we are reminded yet again to care for one another. Ease - We must choose to cultivate an environment of ease for our spouse. We must begin by avoiding power dynamics. 1 Corinthians 11:11 states, “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.” We are not talking about biblical roles and headship here; we are not overthrowing those, merely pointing out that those God-ordained characteristics are not about power but about bringing Him glory which requires men to love and sacrifice as Christ as well as for women to submit to that loving and sacrificial leading. Specifically speaking, we are not to nag one another (see Proverbs 21:9) and we are to build one another up (see Romans 15:2). Vulnerability - Companionship lends itself to vulnerability. Privileged information is shared and personal feelings are disclosed. We all sin, and no one knows that more than the spouse we share a home with. 1 Peter 4:8 cautions us, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” And, Proverbs 17:9 prompts us that “[w]hoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” We deepen trust and companionship when our vulnerability is not weaponized against us in marriage. And, lastly, predictability - No, we are not referring to falling into a rut, but we do need to know predictably that our spouse is indeed our companion, one on whom we can rely for time, attention, and trust-worthy behavior. We must share clear expectations and expect an ever-deepening level of communication and connection. As Mark 10:9...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. You have heard us mention accountability in past devotionals. The reality is that we will each give an account to God for our actions. Matthew 12:36-37 says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” But, God, thankfully, does not leave us spinning alone in the wind to figure out what we should and should not do. We have His word. We have the Holy Spirit. And, we have one another. Galatians 6:1-5 reminds us, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” Accountability allows us to bear one another’s burdens. We each must be willing to take responsibility for our own choices, and loving each other through that process is so important in our Christian walk. A book our church has used to help guide us into an organized discipleship program called Growing Up includes eight accountability questions for a small group to use. Likewise, our pastor recently mentioned how he and his mentoring pastor help to hold each other accountable by asking two questions each week - what are you preaching about this week and what are you struggling with this week? As Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” So, how would an immediate family work toward accountability without judgment and condemnation? Here are five accountability questions we suggest for parents AND children to ask one another. 1. What are you studying in God’s word? 2. What you have said or done today to bring God glory? The yes/no version would be ‘has what you have said or done today brought God glory?’ Depending on the age of the child you are talking to, the yes/no version may be simpler. 3. What are you struggling with? 4. What do you need to ask forgiveness for, or what do you need to give forgiveness for? 5. How have you loved others as yourself today? And, a follow-up to that might be: What opportunities have you missed that you may try to take next time? There are, of course, many more questions or ways to word questions, but, no matter what questions you ask, if possible, try to avoid only asking straight yes or no questions. Ask open-ended questions to allow more open, deeper, and honest responses. Parents, especially, remember that we are trying to focus on getting our children to think more deeply about what motivates their actions. We may already know the answers to the questions, but by asking the child to engage their own thought process to formulate more than a yes or no, we enhance their ability to take ownership of their beliefs and actions. As James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” Remember that we are not trying to convict one another. We are trying to heal and guide, and much prayer before, during, and after a time of accountability discussion is very necessary. Just like with any new skill, if you have not previously had an attitude and habit of biblical accountability in a loving, one anothering way, these questions may seem forced or unnatural. Find a way to make them your own. Sometimes, changing the wording, the tense, the cadence, or the specificity will help. Mostly, find a way to have a heart that desires drawing others to Christ and being drawn to Christ yourself in order to have more Christ-like beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Please recognize that we are describing...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! We hope you are enjoying your days with your loved ones. Parents, the time is short, though the days may seem long, so always remember to take at least five minutes a day to soak in the joys of each of your children - their individual characteristics, their unique contribution to your family, and the ways you can celebrate who God created them to be. In this time of graduations and weddings in the United States, many of us are receiving numerous invitations of celebration. So, let’s take the next few minutes and look at celebration from a biblical perspective. God implements different feasts and festivals throughout the Old Testament in celebrations of remembrance and honor of His deliverance, protection, provision, and more. As a not-so-great party planner, times of celebration often sneak up on me and while I vow to do better the next time, it seems to keep happening again and again. But, still, why do we celebrate? 2 Chronicles 15:7 tells us that when God’s people worked toward His glory and their good, they were rewarded. It specifically states, “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” What are rewards? Rewards are celebrations of jobs well-done. Just as a first place runner wins a prize at the end of a race, we are to celebrate the work and accomplishments of our family members. Some of us will receive promotions or scholarships; some will have felt they barely got by to the next step, but either way, we should reward hard work and perseverance. Let’s keep in mind that the who we celebrate utmost is the Lord. The feasts of the Bible rightly celebrated God because of what He had done and would do for His people - the Israelites and those of us later grafted in to the Tree of Life. Even when we are celebrating earthly accomplishments of our family members, we must remember that God brings about all good gifts. Thus, just as God rewards those who are with Him, we can celebrate our loved ones. Just as with the feasts of the Bible, celebrations come in all forms. Some families love to have big blow-out parties with decorations, food, desserts, presents, music, and more. Others are much more low-key and opt more for a special dinner out with a few quiet ‘congratulations’ spoken. No matter how you and your loved ones celebrate, make sure that times of celebration are a part of your interactions with one another. Remember, five-minute families, some celebrations for one member of the family can cause suffering for another member. We each have our own experiences that influence our thoughts, feelings, and emotions when celebration is called for. Sometimes, it is because competition meant that someone lost and someone won. Sometimes, a loved one is happy, but due to changes, another is sad. I remember when my sister was getting married, I was going through some medical testing, and one of the set of tests was a day of psychological testing. I was asked to describe a picture of a beautiful wedding. I described the bride. Then, I was asked to describe the other people in the wedding party. I began to cry and cry. I thought, “Oh my goodness, they are going to think I am crazy.” But, the reality was that I was crying not because I didn’t want her to get married but because my relationship with my sister would never be the same once she was. It couldn’t be; it shouldn’t be. But, that change that the celebration would bring was still hard for my young heart. A second point to remember well with celebrations is that everyone is going to have an idea of how it should be handled, even if that idea is that they don’t have to do anything but show up. We must all remember that we are to honor God in every celebration, so don’t forget to pray together in the planning, enjoy the differences of opinion, and accept that someone needs to be in charge, and it might not be you. When we take the time to celebrate together, honoring God and enjoying one another...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is getting warm outside and we have to begin to manage daily life a bit differently - bug repellents, sun protection, and pollen are but three of those springtime changes. In addition, motorcyclists are out. Keep an eye out for our motorcyclist friends and their safety! Now, on to our topic for today. “But God” Most believers have heard sermons or been touched by Scripture that holds those two tiny but powerful words. “But God” We received an email update from some missionary friends of ours who have three children. Their children have been bickering and fussing more and more lately. A random Christian celebrity video popped up the other day about a spirit of irritability and confusion that has been in her family in the past few days. Annnd, here in our home, our boys have been incredibly unkind and disrespectful to one another and to others, which is not only embarrassing but incredibly saddening. It has been eye-opening to think about all the attempts that we make to establish contented, kind homes, and yet our flesh and our spiritual enemies do not want harmony or joy to abound. BUT GOD gives us a spirit of peace, love, and sound minds. (2 Timothy 1:7) Hearing that biblical phrase in church today reminds me that we do not have to focus on the negatives; but God has an abundant life for us. As we have quoted Steve Austin before, “Everything is always all about God.” That’s why we parents must remember Deuteronomy 6 verses 4 through 9. “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.” So, today, we are bringing our focus resoundingly onto God through five “But God” Scriptures and the different areas of life those statements can profoundly change. First, our salvation is not dependent on ANYTHING that we say, do, or think. Ephesians 2:4-7 “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Second, once God has called us to Himself, He will never leave us alone to overcome sin by ourselves. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able” Third, we bear no burden for another person’s salvation; we are simply to do our part in the process. Parents, that includes the when, where, and how our children give their hearts to the LORD. 1 Corinthians 3:6 “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.” Fourth, when we feel our worlds falling apart, God offers us His protection. Genesis 31:7 “Yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me.” And, fifth, when we face trials, God is always with us. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” God is with us; He will rescue us. Even in this earthly life, when troubles come, there is a greater purpose than our own experience holds. Five Minute Families, take this week to pray faithfully these “But God” scriptures (and the many others) back to God. Recognize His power in our lives, point your children to Him in the midst of the pain, and reach out to trusted pastors, counselors, or mentors to help point you to...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning as we conclude this short two-part devotional on temper tantrums. Last week we discussed where tantrums might be coming from, for family members of all ages, as well as how to get through the tantrum itself. Today, we want to discuss life after the tantrum. Galatians 6:1 reminds us that if anyone has done something wrong, we are to gently help them get back on the right path - annnnd - that we must avoid behaving in the same way ourselves. We must point out to our loved one that we are willing to have this extremely uncomfortable conversation because we care for them and want future times together to go more smoothly. Also, remember that in Matthew 18:15 and 16 we are to first discuss the matter directly one-on-one, but if that does not help, we may need to involve more family members in the conversation. Now, this chapter of scripture does go on to say that if that doesn’t clear up the matter, then go to church leadership. The temper tantrums we are addressing, which we well-defined in part one, might not necessarily be a church matter, but the advice is still the most solid as far as one-on-one, small family discussion, and then, if these tantrums do become part of a bigger sin issue, going to your church’s pastor or mentoring program would be a very good step. Likewise, parents, realize that if you are the one who threw the tantrum, your child may not have thought through their address of your temper tantrum. They will not fully understand it or deal with it as an adult would, but do not forget Paul’s encouragement to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 and Titus 2:15. No one is to be despised or dismissed because of their youth. If the Holy Spirit uses your child’s words or cries to convict you of your wrong, accept it. So, let’s get to the South African College of Applied Psychology’s five points to help us navigate life after a temper tantrum, especially after an adult tantrum. 1. Point out that while they are allowed to feel angry or frustrated how they expressed their feelings was not appropriate or appreciated 2. Ask them why they responded in the way that they did 3. Find out how they would feel if your roles were reversed 4. Ask them what they would do if you behaved like they did 5. Ask them what they think can be done in future to curtail a similar outburst As we often say, communication is key to solving problems. Listening is so quickly dismissed from the communication process when our emotions are high, so we must listen to one another, and that means letting the family member who had the tantrum speak clearly about their thoughts, feelings, and musings. AFTER LISTENING, be reminded of Ephesians 4:29, and do not respond in a negative way but choose your words wisely to help rebuild the relationship. Showing understanding and compassion validates your loved one’s feelings, even if you do not agree with them. Setting boundaries and sharing your expectations can help to teach your loved one, especially the kiddos, responsibility. Many news stories abound today about two people who did not seem capable of controlling themselves and giving in temper tantrums resulting in divorce, custody issues, court case, and more. In some situations, it comes back to narcissism or manipulation, but in others, it is that a person has never heard how fully negative their temper tantrum is affecting their loved ones. I know it sounds crazy, but there are people who just aren’t impacted as much by a tantrum, and they see it as “blowing off steam” or just being dramatic. But, in a family we must clearly communicate how another person’s behavior impacts us. Briefly, let’s address that some people are afraid of the emotions they are capable of, and instead of a meltdown or outburst, they will shut down. The silent treatment is often what follows. Neither a tantrum nor the extreme of shutting down is good. And, both can be addressed in the same steps we...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are instructed in God’s word to live life in a “one anothering” way - to love one another, to forgive one another, to encourage one another, and so many more. The two words “one another” are used approximately 100 times in the Bible. Variations of it abound in Scripture as well. So, I ask, how exactly does a family ‘one another’ when someone has a tantrum? Note, we said ‘someone,’ not just a child. Adults might say after our own tantrums, “Sorry for overreacting.” Mental health experts and counselors may have a variety of definitions for terms, but whether you call it overreacting, a tantrum, meltdown, outburst, breakdown, whatever, we all - all ages - get to a point of feeling overwhelmed. We have trouble calmly voicing our needs and controlling our emotions. Unfortunately, at times our response to a situation can be intense, to say the least. Now, we are not talking about someone who is narcissistic or manipulative using temper tantrums to control others. You may very well have someone like that in your family; if that person refuses therapy, then you will need safe boundaries and get into counseling yourself. A former colleague and friend of mine recently wrote an article about the abuse he, his mother, and his siblings were subjected to while he grew up. He pointed out well-meaning Christians suggested that his family “suffer well” through the abuse. We must take this moment to say explicitly… if you are in an unsafe situation, get to safety. There may be people who do not understand, who tell you to change your own behavior (for example, “well, what did you do to make him angry?”), but Christ-followers must protect one another well. Likewise, if anyone close to you is in an unsafe situation, get them to safety and encourage them to continue to prioritize protecting themselves and the children. Also, please note that sensory disruptions are different than tantrums. They may look the same but they are not, so parents, you must be aware of your child’s needs, especially if they have any neuro-divergent issues. Remember, toddler tantrums are a normal part of development. Learning emotional self-control is a process, and the brain’s developing the neural pathways for healthy emotional processing takes time. Rest, food, and actually being listened to are the big three needs for our little ones. All that being said, let us point out briefly that toddler, adolescent, and adult temper tantrums are processed and developed out of different areas of the brain. Toddlers and adolescents are primarily using the amygdala - the emotional brain center. So, yes, they are overly emotional. Adolescents can also be having hormonal washes that complicate their dealing with stimuli (such as, thinking dad is yelling when he isn’t). Thus, kinda - in a way, adolescent tantrums are also a typical part of development. Adults read emotions from others through their pre-frontal cortex which is the logical area, but when we adults are overwhelmed, even that becomes much more difficult. A family must realize that we each have different triggers. Anxiety, stress, depression, and hunger are just a few things that may contribute to the feelings of being overwhelmed. Of course, there are also sensory considerations even within neuro-typical family members, routine changes, communication breakdown, illness, and major life events to consider. So, what do we do when someone we love has a tantrum? You cannot reason with someone in the middle of a temper tantrum. So, if a loved one has a tantrum: 1. You may need to walk away completely from the situation. 2. Or, if you must stay nearby for any reason, so that you do not get angry yourself, distract yourself with something else while your loved one calms down. 3. And, make sure you are keeping calm by praying. Commit Philippians 4:6-7 to memory as you work through tantrums with a loved one, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are closing out our series that focuses in on four essential truths found in Romans. We have discussed God’s righteousness, His redemption, His resources available to us as individuals and to us as families, and now we will close this series discussing revival. In Romans we learn about Israel’s rejection of God’s gift and that the Gentiles became grafted into the tree of God’s family. But, we find throughout Romans that God’s heart is still for His people of Israel, and He desires revival in their hearts as well as in the hearts of all believers. Romans 1:16 states, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” You know, special three-day or even week-long revival services used to be a common practice of the church. Whether due to lack of time or money for preparation or the thought that the revival services are outdated, the reality in the 2020s is that many churches never consider holding any type of revival service. God loves revival as we see in Psalm 85:6 “Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?” So, let us ask, what is revival? In the religious sense, it is defined as a reawakening of religious fervor, especially by means of a series of evangelistic meetings often called ‘revivals’. But, if we look to generic definition, we see that revival is an improvement in the condition or strength of something. Yes, evangelism is important, but we must also be renewed in our desire to grow more and more Christ-like. Revival can happen on the individual, family, small group, or corporate/church-wide level. Thus, this is where the family comes in. Just as a planned revival event at church takes work to accomplish, so does revival in the home. Being a Christian is more than just our moment of salvation; it is a moment by moment, day by day choice to grow more Christ-like. Let’s discuss five aspects of revival for a five-minute family. 1. So, Five-minute moms and dads, you must come to understand Romans 6, 7, and 8. In a simplistic summation, we are dead to sin, set free from the bondage of sin, and now we must learn how to walk in the Spirit. You need to pray, study, and meditate. And, then, pray, study, and meditate some more. If you don’t know how, ask your pastor and spiritual mentor for a recommendation on a workbook that will teach you the basics. 2. Second, you must spend time planning and organizing your family revival time. What do you want to study, when will you meet together, for how long each day, for how many days? You must continue to pray and prepare about the content you and your family will discuss. 3. Third, make sure you give the family time to prepare since this will be a change in the normal routine. Don’t plan a family revival during tournament season or midterms, but once you have found a time, make sure you let all the family members know the details. And, yes, moms, you may need to be a broken record in reminding everyone. 4. During your family revival time, be sure to carve out some time to discuss your personal testimonies and how you would share what God has done in your home with others in your circles of influence. 5. And, finally, remember to follow through after the revival time with those action points God called you to or revealed as your next steps. Encourage everyone in the family to come together at a church or community event and share how much they enjoyed learning more about God together. In fact, after a family revival time, consider hosting a community one. It can be a few days of revival study with one or two other families in your neighborhood. If you do expand, remember to include all members of your household in the preparations for the next revival. Each family member should be praying, organizing at their age-level, sharing what it upcoming with those invited, practicing stating succinctly what God has...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last week we discussed how in Romans the Lord gives us sometimes unconventional resources we need to live righteous and redeemed lives, but since recording it, Kim and I really felt that we needed to add a second part and be more detailed about how a family together can utilize these resources of the Lord. Basically, as a Christian family, how are we to live? So, let’s revisit our five points from last week. 1. Sacrifice. Within the family, sacrifice is all too often a one-way street. Americans are big on the concept of ‘some people are givers and some are takers.’ However, as a family, each person must be willing to sacrifice, and that means, parents, that sometimes we have to make our children give something up that they want. It doesn’t come naturally to our flesh. You will have some kiddos who are more naturally inclined to compromise or sacrifice their own desires, but it is up to the parents to make sure that the kids’ sacrifices are kept in balance. Likewise, parents, if one of the adults of the household is more likely to sacrifice, then balance needs to be found there as well. 2. Service. Here at Clear View Retreat, one of the things that we encourage families to do TOGETHER is to serve. We know a family who serve together every year at their church’s vacation Bible school and also once a year at a refugee camp. One really neat thing to watch with the family at VBS was that the parent most involved in the planning and preparations had the full support of her family during the weeks and months leading up to the actual VBS. Likewise, as a family, they scheduled vacation days to coincide with vacation Bible school. Such sacrifice and service TOGETHER. 3. Submission. In Romans 13, submission to governing authorities is the focus. Parents, in this day of political vitriol, we must set the example of submission. We need to share God’s truth in light of political and governing situations, but if we do not set a good example for our children, I promise you this is one area in which we will fail. I am going to go here… neither hanging flags with cuss words nor chanting expressions such as Let’s Go Brandon is God-honoring behavior. Just as a huge billboard read that Trump was God’s elected official, we see in Scripture that Biden is, too. We need to pray for all of our governing leaders, and we need to work hard to change unjust laws, but Scripture is clear that we must do so in God-honoring ways. Our children are watching. 4. Sensitivity. Being sensitive to the points that others find important is fundamental in a family unit. Some of our spouses or children are weaker in faith than others. We once knew a couple in which one of the spouses felt very strongly that Jesus was our Sabbath and thus doing tasks around the house on a Sunday was fine. His wife, however, felt that it was sinful to do chores on Sunday. Not only were they not sensitive to one another, they each took a judgmental stance against the other about this. It was one of many details that tore them apart. 5. Acceptance. Does your family build one another up or tear each other down? Sometimes, tearing each other down becomes a habit. God placed each of you together, and He brought together different strengths and weaknesses, ultimately for the benefit of each of you. Realize that adopting God’s attitude of acceptance brings not just peace but also a home life that produces kindness, security, and joy. We must ‘make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.’ (Romans 14:19) Last week, we also touched briefly on communication skills because all of the above resources work better with good communication. Just as Romans 14:19 alludes to our speech, many verses discuss our communication skills directly such as Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” We hope that if your family is struggling in the area of communication, you will go...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has the beginning of spring been treating you? The longer days, the warmer air, the buds showing up. There is something about the revival that spring brings, allowing us to take a deep, refreshing breath, and say, “ok, Lord, lead me into the next steps.” And, that is exactly what we encourage here at Clear View Retreat - no matter what has come before, no matter how dark, cold, or closed off the previous season of life was - take a deep, refreshing breath and step forward with the Lord. He gives us the resources we need. Today, we are discussing the third of four essentials of faith as Paul discusses them in Romans - the resources available to us now that we have Christ’s righteousness and we better understand His redemption. Basically, as Christians, how are we to live? Insight for Living answered, “The Christian life is a different life. And all the resources we need to live it are found in Christ Himself.” Specifically, today, we want to look a bit at Romans 12:1 through Romans 15:13. First, we need to realize that a resource we have is sacrifice. You might be thinking, exactly how is sacrifice a resource? Well, what is the definition of resource? “an action or strategy which may be adopted in adverse circumstances.” When life gets tough - and it WILL - we must know that if we choose to behave as Christ behaved, making sacrifices for God and for our families, we will be able to better face the norms and storms that come our way. As Insight for Living put it, “In light of the “mercies of God” [discussed in] Romans 1-11, Paul urged us in [chapter 12 verse 1] to ‘present [our] bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is [our] spiritual service of worship’.” Next, we see that sacrifice leads to service. As Romans 12:3-21 discusses the values of others and Christian ethics, we see that though we each have different gifts, we are one body in Christ, and we must “[s]hare with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality.” (verse 13) Service is discussed throughout Scripture, and just as we are each given a gift, we must each give that gift back in service to others. By using the gifts we have, and being willing to do some of the tough or boring stuff that needs to be done, we free the body of Christ up to do his work of reaching the unreached and caring for the widows, orphans, poor, and suffering. Third, we need to remember submission to our leaders. It might sound strange to think of submission to our governing bodies as a Christian resource, but verse 2 of chapter 13 tells us that “the one who resists the authority is opposing God’s command.” We cannot draw closer to the Lord by opposing His Word. Obviously, that does not mean we cannot work to change bad laws, but we must show respect to those in authority. Fourth, we must remember to be sensitive to other Christ-followers and their beliefs. Romans 14:1 says, “Welcome anyone who is weak in faith, but don’t argue about disputed matters.” And the chapter continues to illustrate points of differences, but the one thing we must all agree on is Christ and Him crucified. We must not become stumbling blocks to one another, arguing about clean or unclean or about what to eat or drink. Don’t forget the reminder in verse 22, “Whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” When we properly utilize God’s sensitivity and kindnesses to all believers, even if we have differences, we are better prepared to be more effective for His kingdom. Finally, we must be accepting of one another, not just sensitive to differences. We must build one another up. We must hope through endurance and live in harmony. This resource of acceptance promotes peace and reminds us that faith is what matters most, not whether we are pleased with ourselves. How many times can just one more sentence of information help stop a world of hurts, or how a...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are back in our series about four essentials of faith that we can see deeply defined in the book of Romans. Two weeks ago we began with righteousness, and we walked down the ‘Romans road’ together. This week we are exploring the concept of redemption. Once we are justified with God’s righteousness, we can live new lives - redeemed lives, and we can make new choices, even if the consequences of our old ones must still be dealt with. Please note that we are not the ones committing the act of redemption. We cannot work ourselves into redemption. Jesus committed the act of redemption by being sacrificed on the cross. We now live in the state of having been redeemed. We are free from the guilt and blame for having done something wrong. As Romans 8:1 states, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” In our state of redemption, we are being sanctified. We no longer have to live as we once did. Our righteous salvation through Jesus’s redemptive act does not mean we are free to sin because God just won’t see it anyway. Redemption means that we are free NOT to sin. Just as Romans seven illustrates how our old habits and behaviors cry out for us to walk back into sin, Romans eight steps us into the freedom our redemption brings us. Think of the redeemed life as receiving an inheritance from a grandparent. You could pay off debt. You could take your kids on an awesome vacation, or get a tutor or private coach. Maybe you wouldn’t have to have any more holes in your socks that irritate you all day long. Or, buy a car that isn’t falling apart, and pay to have the house roof fixed. If counseling is needed, you wouldn’t have to worry about the cost to get the help you or a loved one needs. Freedom from a few of the worries of life. So, how do we live out the redemptive, freeing truth of Jesus in a five-minute family? How do we live lives of redemption? 1. We must stop comparing ourselves to each other. Each member of the family is important - our roles, our personalities, our talents. Living a redeemed life requires that we see the goodness and value in each other. 2. We accept that suffering and difficulties will be a part of this earthly life. How often does someone in your household get frustrated with another member of the family. Sister made us late for school. Brother caused me to drop my project. Dad couldn’t make it to my basketball game. Mom didn’t listen to my story while watching a movie on her phone. Those aren’t major hurts and sufferings, but they are the little ones that cause hiccups and strife, leading to fighting and disrespectful behavior. We are not living a redeemed life if we are holding grudges in the difficulties of life. 3. We celebrate together. Celebrations bring joy, honor, and energy into a family. By celebrating each other’s accomplishments, no matter how small, we help to impart our values and priorities. Now, remember we are not just talking about winning first place at the track meet, though definitely celebrate that! We are talking about personal improvements, small triumphs over a fear, and more. One of our sons has learning disabilities, and after only two interactions with a set of class materials, he was able to score a B- on a test. We were proud of him and were joyful in celebrating that accomplishment. 4. We disciple one another. A redeemed believer knows that it is only through God’s word that we can fully know we are loved and cared for. The security, freedom, and peace that His word offers are incomparable. Nothing will ever change God’s love for us. When we intentionally choose an attitude of discipleship and healthy habits of discipleship, the redeemed life becomes not just second nature but transformative. 5. We live fearlessly. We are in Christ. Jim and I like to watch the show ‘This is Us.’ The matriarch of the show is sick, and she asks her adult children to promise her that they will live fearlessly. It is...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Weather patterns across the US have been crazy with late spring-like weather mere hours before freezing temperatures and a blanket of snow. Memes abounded last week about the “spring of deception” or “third winter.” Our scheduled plans had to change yet again to accommodate something we cannot control. Part of life is coming to terms with what we can control and what we cannot, and seeing how powerful and mighty God is in the process. Today, we are beginning a series to discuss how a family can dive deep into four essentials of faith as Paul discusses them in Romans - righteousness, redemption, resources, and revival. The term righteousness appears thirty-five times in Romans. Righteousness is defined as ‘the quality of being morally right or justifiable’ or as ‘acting in accord with divine or moral law.’ And, you know, it is intriguing how even the slang meaning for righteous touches on the depth of the concept wherein the slang use is defined as ‘genuine or excellent.’ Paul defined righteousness as “inward and outward conformity to God’s law” (Insight for Living Ministries). As Romans 1:17 explains, “For in [the gospel] the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith, just as it is written: The righteous will live by faith.” Believers must understand that we cannot have righteousness apart from God and His working in our lives. If righteousness is not possible apart from faith in God, then, parents, it is fundamentally important that our children understand what it means to be a Christ-follower. We would like to walk you down what is commonly referred to in Christian lingo as “The Romans Road.” Each time the discussion occurs, and, yes, it should occur more than once over the years, you will see growth in your kids, and in yourself as a disciple of Christ. 1. To begin, ask “Are you a good person?” No matter their answer, the truth lies in Romans 3:23, 3:10, and 5:12. So, with littles, you can share the simple statement that no one is perfect, and we will make bad decisions sometimes. With older children, we encourage you to read the Scriptures and discuss the child’s thoughts and feelings about them as well as the term righteousness. 2. Whether they answer yes or no to the previous question, you can continue the conversation with, “is your sin really that bad?” The answer is found in Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” For littles, we need to say something such as even though not listening seems like it doesn’t really matter, it shows that our hearts are set on ourselves and not God. 3. Continue to get your kids to consider what to do with their sin problem by asking, “So, since we have seen that no one is sin-free, how can there be any hope for you?” Point out the gift that God sent in the form of Jesus and the relief we can receive from Him from Romans 5:8 “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” 4. Next, ask, “do you know how you can be saved from the bad consequences of your sin?” Read Romans 10:9 together “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” For littles, again, keep it simple: you tell God you know you make mistakes and as you get older and better understand about Jesus, you can ask Him to be your Savior. For older kids, be sure to add in verse ten “One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation.” So that they see the connection to righteousness. If your child wishes to make this confession now, allow time for prayer and conversation. 5. Remember, we often doubt what has happened because there isn’t a lightning bolt or some cosmic event that we can tangibly identify. Your child may be wondering, “did God accept me?” Romans 10:13, 5:1, and 8:1 all assure us that He...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat, a family retreat ministry that reaches out to families in both the ‘storms’ and ‘norms’ of life. We are thankful that you have joined us today as we discuss the Christian family’s identity. Please note that when we speak about ‘Christian family identity,’ we are not talking about the way the world has warped the term ‘Christian identity.’ We were both shocked and appalled to do an internet search and see that the search yielded information about racist, anti-Semitic, or white supremacy ideologies. Which, by the way, are not in any way, shape, or form truly Christ-like thoughts or behaviors. What we are talking about is TRUE biblical, Christian identity - the identities we are to hold and mold that are based on God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness as well as His work on the cross and our redemption. During the family camps we host here, we discuss family identity, which we have done a series on and you can find in our podcast archives under the Family Camp series, but today we want to suggest a five-step, five-minute Family Identity Challenge. Each of the five steps should take about five minutes, with a five-minute break in the middle, for a total of 30 minutes. Now, as always, adjustments must be made for families with littles, typically under the age of six or seven, depending on attention spans. You may need to allow the littles to participate for the first minute of each step, sharing their thoughts and then excusing them to play quietly nearby or color. Parents, you are going to need to do some prep work that will take a bit more time. The book of Ephesians has a lot of detail about our identities in Christ. Likewise, you can prayerfully review specific verses that God has in His word about our identities in Him. Some of those verses are: Galatians 4:6-7, 2 Corinthians 5:17, John 1:12, Ephesians 1:5, 1 Corinthians 6:17, 1 Peter 2:9, 1 John 3:1-2, 2 Corinthians 13:13, Ephesians 3:18, Ephesians 6:18, Philippians 4:22, and Psalm 34:9. We recommend that to begin with, you choose verses that focus in on one aspect of our identity in Christ. Three of those themes you could choose from are our being new creations, that we are children of God, or that God refers to us as saints, not sinners. For your family meeting time, follow these five steps: First, discuss what our identity is in Christ. As Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “our greatest need is to become who we already are in Christ.” Remember that not everyone sitting at your family table is a believer at that moment, so be mindful. Second, sit in silence for five minutes and contemplate what you heard. This can be a hard step, but it is really important to try to silence the noises of this earthly life and open our hearts to God’s prompting. If you or your kiddos are wiggly ones, you can allow doodling or focused journaling. There is no right way, but most people do find that quiet meditation on God’s truth helps us to see better what He is revealing. Third, come back together and share with one another one false belief you may hold or a part of God’s identity for His children that you find hard to believe. Parents and children alike must be cautioned not to sit in judgment of one another or try to fix someone’s false belief. Mom and dad, big brothers and sisters, we are not meant to be one another’s holy spirit. Listen and pray. And, remember Romans 14:1 admonishes us all, “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” And, if you are still struggling in a false belief area, please seek wise counsel. Fourth, review verses that specifically touch on God’s truth about our identities. This is where we can trust that God’s word does not return void. We share His truth, His words, and thus encourage one another without judgment or frustration. And, finally, choose a worship song and honor Him and the new identity He gives each of us in His...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We have all heard the love verses. Even people who do not attend church are likely familiar with the “Love is patient. Love is kind” beginning of 1 Corinthians 13:4. We’ve discussed the types of love here on Five Minute Family before, so that isn’t where we are hitting on today. Today, we are looking more deeply into the verbs found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The beginning of these verses explain why love is important. To paraphrase John MacArthur: Having a right understanding and expression of genuine, godly love is necessary to fully use the gifts from God or even have complete knowledge of God himself. The first eight verbs in verses four and five are linking verbs describing what love is and what love does. The next eight verbs are at the end of verse five and through the beginning of verse eight. Those verbs are action words. Thus, we can conclude that love is both descriptive AND active. Let’s dive deeper specifically into the four action verbs of 1 Corinthians 13:7 - “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” “Bear all things.” ‘To bear’ means ‘to cover with silence.’ Let’s look at an example: Parents, shaming your child as a means of punishment and then posting it for views is NOT bearing all things. Do not blast on social media when a loved one has wronged you or sinned in some way. 2 Corinthians 2:5-8 reminds us, “If anyone has caused pain, he has caused pain not so much to me but to some degree—not to exaggerate—to all of you. This punishment by the majority is sufficient for that person. As a result, you should instead forgive and comfort him. Otherwise, he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.” So, in our parenting example, even in the midst of your anger, there is an opportunity to reaffirm your love. “Believe all things.” ‘To believe’ means ‘to have faith in / to entrust a thing to one.’ Our spouses and children mess up. We mess up. We may not believe in the person themselves because of past issues, BUT we can believe in God and His redemptive and transformative power, and thus, circle back to believe in the person we love having the potential to begin to act more in the image of God. The flip side of realizing that your loved one is made in the image of God, is realizing that you are, too. Do you believe in God to transform you, too? “Hope all things.” ‘To hope’ means ‘to expect or confide.’ Once we have learned to control our mouths and view our loved one in the image of God, we can then see the hope of the goodness of God’s love in them. We can motivate, we can encourage, we can dream together of better moments that lead to better days, months, and years. In our hope we employ faith in the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 “Endure all things.” ‘To endure’ means ‘to stay under / to remain.’ When everything falls apart again, and it will, whether it is because something happens to us or we make a mistake that causes problems, we must remain. Proverbs 24:16 puts it this way, “Though a righteous person falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble into ruin.” And, Jeremiah 8:4 says, “This is what the Lord says: Do people fall and not get up again? If they turn away, do they not return?” We must keep going. We must endure. While we may think of bearing with one another and enduring through all things as negative actions we must experience, the reality is that to hold the belief and hope together, they have to be sandwiched within something. It is by working through the tougher times that we can see God in our loved ones and we can feel His hope in all our family experiences, whether it is a norm or storm of life. Matthew Henry explained the need for all four aspects, with the good sandwiched within in the bad as this: “[Agape love] will endeavor to confine the passions within proper limits.” God created us for...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Today we are finishing our series on fasting. We are to the T in our FAST acronym: F - First things first, A - accountability, S - satisfaction, and T - trust. A few questions to kick us off: Would you trust God if you have your life threatened? To have you sold into modern-day slavery? To be thrown in jail under false accusations? To be ignored for years? It seems preposterous that God would allow unspeakable evils to happen in this world. God is a God of love, after all. Yet, how much do we trust Him when the sinful world we live in falls on us? Threats, slavery, and false accusations all exist still today, though we may want to bury our heads in the sand. And, they existed and all occurred against Joseph, the eleventh son of Jacob, son of Isaac, son of Abraham. Joseph was disliked by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, but still rose to the second highest office of the land in which he lived. As the years marched on, Joseph trusted God to make sense of the evils set against him. And, when he was in a position to save not only his father and closest brother, he also saved all the brothers who were cruel to him, cruel to their father by deception, and more. He said in Genesis 50:20 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Can we say that? How much do we fully trust that God will work ALL things for His glory and our good? I certainly couldn’t see how our losing a longed-for child through an ectopic pregnancy, being in ongoing pain from the surgery that followed, and then losing the house we had waited for for so long could possibly have a positive meaning. It was just suffering, plain and simple. Now, suffering is part of this earthly life and will draw us closer to the Lord. So, I suffered, knowing logically that I would learn something but wondering what on earth it could possibly be. One evening, someone I dearly love who does not believe in God, asked how I was doing. After years of lovingly sharing about the Lord only to receive cold looks or the person walking out, he stayed and listened. He listened to me speak of grieving my little one’s life and how I knew that I needed to trust God despite the losses being costly and disappointing. They were teaching me something. I shared that I had hope that that baby’s life mattered greatly to the God of the universe and its life had meaning. As I rambled, as I am prone to do, I spoke of the many sacrifices of Christ and my joys of living for Him. After I went home, I realized, that the death of our baby had allowed the longest, most open, least-filtered conversation with my loved one about my God and my heart toward Him. And, then, this death made sense; our baby’s extremely short existence had purpose. Trusting the Lord allowed me to be part of something greater that He is working on. He is always faithful. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." As your family fasts together, make sure you intentionally focus on building your trust in the Lord. Some suggestions on how to do that include: 1. Work together to perform some trust exercises with your children. 2. When you get hungry, have a plan for drawing your focus to the Lord so you can see how well He can fill you… worship the Lord with music you love, scripture you want to memorize, or even an area you want to take a hike in. Or, rest. You are working on less energy. The kiddos are working on focusing on something other than their fleshy desire for sugars, whatever it is, so allow time to rest to focus on trusting the Lord to get you through, not just busy-ness. 3. Discuss areas where you each lack trust in the Lord and pray for each other in those areas. 4. Do not let your feelings lead you. Look to the truth of Scripture, remember all that God has done in your life, and then re-evaluate your...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How is your fasting as a family going? Today is our third in the series on fasting. We are using the FAST acronym to discuss this spiritual practice. F - First things first, A - accountability, S - satisfaction, and T - trust. Today is about satisfaction, specifically finding our satisfaction in the Lord. As Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Before we fully discuss satisfaction in the Lord, we must differentiate between self-satisfaction and Christ-satisfaction. Parents are used to training kids to become satisfied through self-soothing by encouraging the use of pacifiers, blankies, teddy bears, you get the idea. Adults use food, drugs, inappropriate materials and more to become satisfied with where they are in the world. Obviously, we CAN train our flesh, and we are experts at doing so for using an item for comfort. Just as the rich man in Luke 12 was satisfied with his wealth, we can become satisfied with the fruits of our labors and our personal efforts at comfort. Yet, Christ-satisfaction is a satisfaction unlike any comfort item we could possibly find. Christ won’t add shame, guilt, weight, or burdens to our load. We need not worry about the lost teddy bear when our comfort is in the Lord. We often want to distract ourselves from any pain, and the pain of hunger during fasting is no exception. But, we need to face the hunger so that we can turn not to food for our satisfaction but to God. But, how do we do that is not perfectly clear. Verses abound about finding satisfaction in God: 1. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:11 2. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6 3. The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm. Proverbs 19:23 4. For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9 5. For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish. Jeremiah 31:25 Here at Clear View Retreat, we want to help families find practical ways to apply God’s word. Our suggestions in how to find satisfaction in the Lord are not the exhaustive list. We are not offering a formula; if there is one, it is found solely in immersing yourself and your family in Jesus Christ and finding what works best for you all in each season that you walk through. What we are proposing are activities you might find helpful. Be intentional for at least five minutes a day - together - to speak about the Lord and His goodness or His attributes. Keep the focus on Him and you will feel more satisfied than you would believe possible. During family fasting time, make it a priority to write down both individual and family blessings that are pouring out. You know, like the old song, count your many blessings. Continue to discuss what about your family identity God is affirming and what in your family identity God is encouraging you to change. Write these ideas down in a journal and review them in future family fasts. The satisfaction that comes from seeing God’s fingerprint on your lives is peace that goes beyond understanding. Tied closely to family identity is family purpose. Think about the places God has each family member and how that family member can impact others for Christ. Brainstorm ideas together on how each family member can impact their circle of influence for the Lord. When we know and live our purpose, satisfaction is fulfilling and Christ-focused. And, discuss how at the end of a hard, long day, there is sweet satisfaction in a job well done just like in a God-honoring fast. Think of fasting like mountaintop experiences and valleys. There will be moments of...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Did any of you choose to enter into a season of fasting? Are you still planning how to fast as a family? Join us this morning as we continue our deep-dive into fasting. We are using FAST as an acronym to discuss this oft-forgotten spiritual discipline. F - First things first, A - accountability, S - satisfaction, and T - trust. We are to the A - accountability. Please note that when we are talking about fasting accountability, we are not talking about the need for someone to take responsibility for wrong behavior. We know through numerous verses in scripture that fasting is supposed to be a part of the believer’s life; thus, fasting is a spiritual discipline, not a punishment. And, as a discipline, it is a skill and set of details to be learned. As such, that skill can be evaluated and reviewed and improved upon. THAT is what we mean by fasting accountability. Just as in any other area of life, parents and children working together to grow in knowledge, love, and wisdom is the goal. Before we go further, just as last week, a word of caution - please remember that while we are encouraging food fasting for everyone during a family fast, when children participate in a fast, parents must be watchful, careful, and guiding of their children. Children should not be going into a caloric restriction or prolonged time of fasting. They are growing and changing and need food much more frequently than adults do. We are suggesting sugary treats, drinks, or only one specific food group being limited. So, back to accountability… how do we engage in accountability during a family fast: First, set aside time early in each fasting day to encourage one another specifically in the food fast just as 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Second, in a personal fast, we are cautioned in Matthew 6 to keep our fast secret or quiet. But, within the family for teach-ability and accountability, we need to stay open and vocal about what we are experiencing. For example, parents, we can say, out loud, “wow I am so hungry right now, so I am going to take this moment to pray.” Or, when your child comes up and asks for a piece of candy, lovingly and gently remind him or her that this is a time of fasting and asking them if they would like to pray with you instead. Third, at the end of each fasting day or timeframe, review how each of you did. Jeremiah 17:10 reassures us to let “the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” Again, in the mindset of accountability, this is to encourage each person to be honest with him or herself as well as receive feedback about what they can do the next time the family has a fasting time. Fourth, just as with any devotion or time of learning for children, it is best to keep any discussion focus on only one point, so if you are chatting with your child their lack of sticking with the fast, you need to keep the discussion short, explaining again why God encourages us to fast, praying together for encouragement to try again, and then moving on. James 5:16 states, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” And, finally, don’t forget to keep the purpose of your family fast in the forefront of your minds and ask God to bring clarity and revelation, even during the accountability discussion times. Five-minute families, remember fasting is about cultivating a hunger for God. Just as He describes a land flowing with milk and honey, we want ourselves and our children to realize the rich sweetness of being filled by God. We must be cautious and conscientious in our accountability with one another during a time of family fasting. We thank you for joining us this week. Next week, we will explore how to find our...
Gooood morning, Five Minute Families. We are getting excited here at Clear View Retreat as we prepare for new family camps, marriage retreats, and more as 2022 begins to book up. Each family’s unique purposes and identities are causes for celebration and encouragement, and through discussing and applying God’s relationship principles, we can deepen our family discipleship and biblical community. Please check out more information about our ministry at clearviewretreat.org. For this week, Jim and I both thought we had discussed biblical fasting with you before, our fabulous five-minute families, but other than a couple of passing references and one devo about digital fasting, we couldn’t find an in-depth discussion about that. So, for February we are going to deep-dive into fasting. We are going to use FAST as an acronym to discuss fasting. F - First things first, A - accountability, S - satisfaction, and T - trust. Matthew 6:16 begins with “when you fast.” It does not begin “if you fast.” The verses before this also say, “when you give” and “when you pray.” That means we need to take a moment and evaluate how well we are pursuing fasting as a clearly biblical behavior. Please note that while we are encouraging food fasting throughout this series, it is not wise or safe for children to fast in the same way that adults do. Children can fast from a particular sweet treat (or all sweet treats), depending on their ages and needs. Children can forego all beverages instead of water, again, depending on their ages and specific dietary needs. You get the idea. Please don’t force your children to fast extensively or admonish them if they break whatever aspect of fasting they are striving for. Before beginning a period of fasting together as a family, review together verses about what fasting is and is not. Acts 13:2, Daniel 10:3, Esther 4:16, Nehemiah 1:4, and Psalm 35:13 are a few of the verses to get you started. JustDisciple.com has a couple of articles that may help you get started. One is titled ‘Types of Christian Fasting & What’s Right for You’ and the other is ‘How to Honor God With Your Fasting & 20 Tips for Beginners.’ Discuss the various reasons for fasting. As we stated in our Digital Fast devotional: “In different examples of fasting in Scripture, we see different purposes for fasting. Acts 14:23 illustrates fasting to seek God’s wisdom. In Ezra, God’s people are seeking deliverance or protection. In Jonah, the people of Nineveh fasted to repent and ask God to save them. When the Israelites in Judges 20 needed help to gain victory over their enemies, they fasted first.” Make sure you discuss YOUR reason for entering into your family fast. As you can tell from Scripture, the reason may change from fast to fast, but you must be aware of the reason. Just as we mentioned before specifically about children, each person’s needs - adults included - should be evaluated to see how he or she can best participate in a family food fast. If someone has medication to take with food, that person must have food. Someone who is experiencing hypoglycemia needs to eat. Some of these examples may seem obvious, but unfortunately, there are people who in their eagerness or desire for exactness must hear that they are not failing in a fast if exceptions or modifications need to be made. When your family fasts may change depending on life circumstances. Some families have a standard time of year that they enter into a season of fasting. Some families only fast when they are part of a church family that is fasting together. Some families enter into a mindfulness of fasting once a week or once a month. Start small. For example, we named this devotional the Five Minute Family to encourage families to start with five intentional minutes a day, buuuut we don’t want you to stop at five minutes. We want those five minutes to snowball into habits of positive, godly interactions. So, just as with the five-minute concept, start small...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are finishing our ‘Begin with the End in Mind’ series. As we have journeyed backward through milestones, we reach the milestone every parent anticipates… the end of childhood. Of course, our children think that end comes sooner than it does, and some of us parents who are ready for the kiddos to fly the coop will still miss them as terribly as the parents who have been crying and posting about all the “last firsts” - such as the last first day of school. If we are able, we will have 18 years of constant, daily influence. After that, adulthood will greatly alter our relationships with our children. We once knew a family whose seventeen-year-old daughter was making many unwise decisions and ignoring all of her parents’ efforts to help her, but when most families would have washed their hands and determined that it was just too late to make a difference, this family knew that legally their influence would change dramatically after her 18th birthday, so they acted radically in her final months with them - sending her to live with family who would be super strict and where she would have no contacts outside of trusted family. Nine years later they have a beautifully redeemed relationship in which both parents and the now-adult child are thankful for the last-ditch effort her parents made to make a positive difference in her life. Her parents knew that the end goal of parenting a minor is to produce a godly adult - not a successful adult, not a happy adult, not even a productive adult, but a godly adult. Why does that mindset - the mindset of godliness - matter so much more than success, happiness, productivity, or anything else really? 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us, “godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” So, biblically speaking, what is godliness? Godliness is not just behaving morally. Godliness is not serving consistently at church. Through his study and exegesis of the story of Enoch, Jerry Bridges summaries that “we could accurately say he was devoted to God. [and] this is the meaning of godliness.” Devotion to God is godliness. Godliness will then lead us to be kind, to work hard, to enjoy life, to serve, and all the rest. So, five-minute families, how do you being with the end in mind and work toward raising godly children: First, if you are still a parent to young children, make some wise choices now and be consistent. Read some great Christian parenting books. Speak with some older Christian couples in the church to get their recommendations, and pray. Pray without ceasing. Second, if you have made mistakes, ask forgiveness and work to make it right. Hezekiah did what he could to raise Manasseh in the knowledge of the Lord, but Manasseh turned his back on the Lord for a number of years. When Manasseh sought out the Lord and humbled himself, God delivered him and Manasseh began to make the changes to honor and glorify the Lord. You can make those changes, too. Third, realize that your time is shorter than you think. If providing the most toys for your kids (whether those are little kid toys or big kid toys) keeps you from spending time with your kids, then you need to rethink your priorities. Hospice care and other caregivers report that they have never heard anyone wish on their death bed that they had spent more time at the office. Work hard, parents, but play hard, too. Find the balance between provision of needs and provision of YOUR time. Fourth, as I have told our boys for years… It is never too late to do the right thing! If your children are now adults and you are just coming to the Lord, you can still apologize for the difficulties that may have come from living a godless life when they were younger. Understand their possible skepticism, but keep your eyes on Jesus and point to Him whenever you can. And, fifth, if you have more than one child, realize that you have changed as life has changed....
Good morning, Five Minute Families! As we work backwards through life in our Begin with the End in Mind series, we come to the end of working years. Many people refer to this time as retirement. Retirement is defined as “the action or fact of leaving one's job and ceasing to work” or “withdrawal from one’s active working life.” The reality is that if you retired or plan to retire at age 62, which is the US average, then you have another 16 years of doing nothing if you live until 78, again the national average. Now, a couple of years ago, most of us would have said that 16 years of doing nothing sounds pretty good, but we have seen on a global scale what happens when folks do nothing for prolonged periods of time. Mental health complications rise, and physical ailments rise as well - well, with the exception of pre-term labor, but that is a different topic for a different day. A few years ago at a conference many of the speakers and counselors recommended redirection instead of retirement. A great example is Jim’s mom. She retired after more than 40 years of hard work, and then out of a need for routine and getting moving, she joined the YMCA. From there, she was hired and then spent the last 16 years teaching swim classes for seniors. She didn’t think about redirection in a formal way, but she knew herself and she knew that she needed to keep moving for her own well-being. Job 12:12 reminds us that “[w]isdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” Many of the younger generation could learn much from my mother-in-law, me included. Unfortunately, we don’t live close enough to my mom to include her in every day events, but I wish we did so that our sons had more of her influence their lives. Thankfully, we moved while our boys were still young and that move brought us significantly closer to Kim’s family. Each member of the older generation realizes just how true 1Corinthians 7:29 is - “the time is limited.” One gentleman in his 80s who came to CVR for a grief retreat after the death of his wife is exploring the option of hosting a Family Camp for his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. He wants an intentional time of sharing God’s truth with his family while providing a fun and refreshing weekend for them all. As God says in Malachi 4:6, “He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents.” Five-minute families, we must be intentional about incorporating all generations in our lives. For the older generation, we suggest that you: Choose to engage even if you feel left out. We know families that assume if grandma and grandpa want to be included they will ask about upcoming events, but grandparents often lose track of time so that events and what events are typical for certain stages of life don’t necessarily jump out to them. It takes both the older generation asking to be informed of events and the younger generation - the parent generation - communicating the calendar. Remember, don’t retire but redirect. You’ll have a greater life expectancy - one study showed that those with more social ties tend to live longer regardless of other factors, and a higher quality of life at that. As well as you get to impact the next generation. Hebrews 13:16 states, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” Share your wisdom and joy. And, also, please volunteer at church - Sunday school and youth events. I loved hearing of the seniors of our church hosting a youth night and playing games with the teens of our church. Take to heart Psalm 92:12-14: “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green.” For the younger generation, we encourage you to: Get grandma and grandpa more involved. It can be frustrating when...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are continuing our “Begin with the End in Mind” series. Last week we discussed staying focused as Christ followers on the fact that heaven is our ultimate home, and we need to live as citizens of heaven now. Today, as we begin this year with the end of mind we are discussing our earthly end - our dying days. Psalm 71:9 cautions us, “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent.” There will come a time when the mighty man who worked the oil fields needs help standing and his strong grandson will have to be his legs. There is dignity in the cycle of life, and we need not be afraid of it. Galatians 6:2 tells us to [b]ear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. And the beginning of Matthew 25:35 says, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink.” When our loved ones are nearing the end of their lives, we must move to serve and comfort them. So, five-minute families, how can we begin with the end in mind in regards to end of life issues for our loved ones and ourselves? First, make a plan. We need to get a plan in place so that our loved ones know our wishes once we are no longer able to communicate those desires completely. But, remember, in making your plans, your loved ones will be the ones taking care of the details. Be thoughtful of them as well as your own wants. And, sometimes, we listen simply to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. At a church where I attended a weekly Bible study, there was a woman with four young children; she and her husband were in their thirties. One day she felt an intense prompting of the Holy Spirit to write out her funeral arrangements and jotted a few notes if any of her children or husband should die. She shared with her pastor and friends how silly she felt, but that a weight lifted once it was written out. A few weeks later, she, her husband, and three of their four children died when their minivan was hit on the interstate by an out-of-control 18-wheeler. The peace that her family and loved ones had because of her written plan was almost palpable as they walked in grief. Second, invest in end of life needs. We must consider finances of caregiving when that time arrives. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” My in-laws had different care plans in place so that when he needed home care, palliative care, and hospice care in succession, not only were those financially provided for, but they also had added assistance care so that my mother-in-law could focus on Papa Jerry instead of the house and household needs. Third, be understanding of different abilities. One of my dear friends has a gift that allows her to anticipate others’ needs before they are aware of the needs themselves. When her mother needed more and more involvement from her children, it was my friend who helped with bills, shopping, cleaning, as well as regular visiting, medical appointments, and more. Her family members became so comfortable in letting her do everything, that they did not step up in the times when they were needed. While her natural gifting and geographical location gave her a greater active role, other family members needed to be more mindful of helping both her and the matriarch of the family. Fourth, keep discussion open among family members. Some family members do not ever want to discuss end of life plans, even the ones willing to be there to help, but all family members need to be kept in the loop and at least given the option to engage in the discussions, even if they choose to opt out. Now, as you discuss who will do what and help where, really think about it… do you want that granddaughter who is always on her phone whom you have to call to ten times before she answers watching after grandpa whose only communication is barely a whisper?...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Let’s begin this year with the end in mind. We aren’t talking about the end of 2022. We are going to do a series for the month of January looking at different life events, but we are going to begin with the end in mind. Why? Well, for starters, John 6:27 emphasizes, “Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Eternal life… Heaven… A believer’s end goal. Successful people suggest that we write down our long term goals, break them down into smaller short term goals, and always keep the end in our mind when we make little, everyday decisions that add up to produce the end goal. When we focus on accumulating wealth or fame or even simple pleasures here on earth, we are setting ourselves up to experience great losses. Ed Stetzer puts it this way: “Live in a contrast between now and not yet. Paul says we “groan while we are in this tent, burdened as we are” (2 Cor. 5:4). We groan because we are in this imperfect, broken, struggling reality, but we look forward to the time when that reality is replaced with something better, something greater.” Live now as a citizen of heaven. Bible.org in its article Developing A Heavenly Mindset says this: “Some have said it is possible to be “so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good.” However, when you look at the history of the church, it was those who were the most heavenly minded who did the most good.” So, five-minute families, how can we begin with the end in mind and be heavenly minded right now? First, don’t try to make heaven on earth for yourself. Matthew 6:19-21 inspires us to lay up our treasures in heaven. Specifically, it states, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Have you ever cleaned the kitchen just to have your family members come in and make a mess again? Frustrating, isn’t it? Imagine that on the eternal scale. However, the work we do with heaven in mind has a lasting impact. Second, study who you are in Christ and to Christ. Understand that our position in heaven does not change no matter what is happening here on earth. Having a full understanding of who we are in Christ and to Christ gives us earthly peace about our heavenly home. Third, continuously examine your thoughts about heaven. Do you hold false beliefs about what heaven means or is? Make sure you write down what you think heaven is so that you are aware of the beliefs that are driving your thoughts and actions in this earthly life. Fourth, study scripture that explains or comments on heaven. As always, we must point back to Scripture - not our own thoughts about heaven or some theologian’s comments - but God’s Truth. By examining Revelation 7:15-17, John 14:2, Philippians 3:20, Matthew 24:35, and many more, we can get an accurate image of heaven and some of the depths of God’s abundant blessings in it. Fifth, look forward to sharing in Christ’s glory. Colossians 3:4 reminds us, “And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” To look forward to the end goal of spending a sweet and glorious eternity in heaven with God, the riches of this world begin to pale in comparison and the cares and burdens are but speedbumps to slowly maneuver around as we continue on to our ultimate glorification. More fully, Colossians 3 verses 1 through 4 encourages us, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is an interesting week in the US. For many, it is the down time between Christmas and the New Year. For some, it is the time of intensity as they work to wrap up many of the end-of-year tasks that absolutely must be completed. Christmas is barely over, and we may have already lost sight of the baby Jesus in the change of rhythm from holiday mode to new year mode. But, we must realize that this past holiday and this week in-between joyful evenings are not just about the food, fellowship, and gifts. It all - All. Everything. The food. The fellowship. The gifts. The downtime. The hustle and bustle. Everything. - everything should be about our Savior. For unto us a child was born. Not just any child of course. The Son of God. The Son of Man. The King of kings and Lord of Lords. Prince of peace. Jesus Christ. Emmanuel. Let’s turn our thoughts to 2 Corinthians 5:21 for a moment, “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin in our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” In that verse we hear the word might. Might. Is that what we are looking for in all the celebrations and gift exchanges, time sending New Year’s cards and staying up late playing games? Might. A look at the Greek word: ginomai used in that verse and a perusal through a lexicon gives us a definition: Be, become, come to pass. But the definition doesn’t take the mood and context into account. The mood adds details- specifically, direction to the verb. In this case, it directs it toward present or future probabilities. Possibilities - that’s what we are still on this earth for. The possibilities of more folks coming to a saving knowledge of Christ. The possibilities of deepening our knowledge of and relationship with the Lord. Possibilities in our family and friend relationships. Possibilities are impossibilities without the ‘might’ of Jesus Christ. You know, this year, we sent out a Christmas card that said on it “what a year!’ I was excited to get a card that exclaimed the excitement and chaos of the year. When a friend said she liked it, she pointed out that she wasn’t sure which way she should take it: “what a year!” (happy) or “what a year! (exhausted). Honestly, if you have listened for any length of time, just like my friend knew, you would know that the negative way could be a very real possibility of how I meant it. However, not once in the whole time of creating the photo or stuffing the envelopes with the photo did I think the exasperated “what a year!” For the past few weeks, I have been in a place of hopefulness. It has, quite honestly, been refreshing. The impossible is possible with the ‘might’ of Jesus Christ. Mights and ifs are only possible when we see the Truth. Our family for years has added different adornaments to our tree that focus on names and aspects of Jesus. They include: The Vine Light of the world Bright morning star Lion of Judah Lamb of God Bread of life King of kings Giver of living water Good shepherd The door Immanuel Savior Let’s take a look at one of the names that we can ascribe to Jesus: Jesus IS the prince of peace. You will not have peace simply because he is peace. If you accept him as the prince of peace and allow him to be the prince of peace in your life, you will experience peace. You will have his peace when you walk in it. It is always possible, but you MIGHT miss it if you don’t accept it. He will bring what we ourselves could never bring... Peace. Another example from our simple list: What about the Bread of life? We are filled by that bread only if we receive the gift of that bread and we eat of that bread. Think about each possibility. Each might. Each if. Challenge your family to focus on a descriptor or name for Jesus and see how you either accept or deny His goodness in your life. 2022 does not have to be a 2020 also. No matter what happens around the globe or in your town, you can seek the Lord’s peace, love, and joy, and...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It’s Christmas week. Lights are strung in trees and on homes. Some loosely and haphazardly; some straight and timed blinking to music. The typical Christmas plays and nativity scenes abound. Just as someone pointed out in our Bible class this Sunday, the plays and scenes aren’t quite as accurate we would like to think, however. Mary and Joseph traveled to a crowded town with constant noise and smells. It is perfectly normal to dislike crowds. Some people simply feel frustrated by being delayed on their path, some are overstimulated by the noise - both auditory and visual, and some people have true social anxiety. It may have been difficult to find food, especially if there were no rooms to be found. That many people and animals would have been a continual cacophony that would have been wearing and even frustrating if you were pregnant, hangry, and just plain tired from the journey. Let’s think of her labor and delivery of the sweet baby Jesus for a moment. No epidural, no doctor, no midwife… no clean rags - just a dirty, odorous stable. She may have been able to labor and deliver on clean straw or hay, but have you ever lain in straw or hay? It isn’t necessarily the most comfortable. What about your house? Is it a mess from those last minute decorations you are putting up or wrapping you are doing? Maybe it is from the simple paper crafts you are doing with the kiddos this year. Maybe it is a mess because you are blessed to be surrounded by family - and all the things they bring with them and all the extra trash they generate. In any case, look around at your mess for a bit. How does the mess make you feel? If everywhere I look holds a clutter, I begin to feel agitated. The list of tasks piles up in my mind, and the chaos of the visual becomes a chaos in my brain. Research shows that clutter can affect anxiety levels, sleep quality, and focusing capabilities. So, five-minute families, how should we deal with the messy - whatever your messy may be this Christmas season: First, we recommend you take 5 minutes to make a meal plan. The meal plan should not just be the desserts you need to bake or the Christmas meal itself. Include some veggies and fruits and other healthy snacks to better fuel your body and your brain to keep the nutritional mess that can ensue with too many sweets at bay. Second, plan two or three 5-minute pick-up times through the day to simply focus on the clutter. By removing some of the clutter that is accumulating, you help your mind and heart stay focused on what’s truly important. Third, add in two or three 5-minute cleaning times. After you pick up the clutter, take just a few minutes to clean the underneath surface. Don’t feel that the whole room must be cleaned at once (unless you truly have the time and cleaning doesn’t keep you from being with your loved ones). Some families clean the kitchen all together at least once a day through the holidays so that no one person has to bear the full weight of the cleaning going on. Fourth, we must take 5 minutes a day for a mood and emotions check-in. For little ones in the family, this can be done with a mood chart printed off the internet. For older kids and adults, you can speak briefly with them and ask them what is happening in their hearts. If someone is struggling, you may need to go on immediately to our fifth suggestion. Fifth, each person may need 5 (or 10 or 15) minute deep-dive emotional check-in at least once during this week depending on what has been happening, especially in the preceding year. We need to understand that each of us is affected differently by the sights and smells and sounds of family fun times. The game playing is fun but someone may be in overload mode. The cookie making is yummy, but someone may be remembering a special moment with someone who has died. Whatever is happening in our homes, let’s minister to one another as Christ so lovingly taught us through His example by...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are glad to be back with you today. Life is short, and there are often reminders around us that we should take the risks that are holding us back, demonstrate our love as big as we feel inside, and forgive ourselves and others - all to live the abundant life Christ calls us into. Our lives are often marked by festivities and ceremonies - birthdays, graduations, funerals, and holidays - to name a few. Some people go all out for these ceremonies while other people are too overwhelmed with the weight of the moment - whether a good or bad moment - to even think of the ceremony aspect. Kind of a deep beginning… but what are we really discussing today… Christmas decorations! Why decorations after such an opening? Well, as someone who has struggled with mild anxiety and depression, especially around the holidays, Christmas decorations have come to mean way more than just simple décor for me. My quickness in putting up decorations is often indicative of what is happening in my head and heart. Now, in full disclosure, we have zero - that’s right - zero decorations out right now, but this year it is due to construction projects and time, not emotions. Whether you are a November 1, day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or ‘somewhere random’ decorating type of person, decorations are part of the ceremony of the celebration of Christmas. Decorations can bring smiles to saddened faces, and they can work to draw a family closer - if we allow them to. Of course, the stress of breakables, getting the tree just right, placement of knick-knacks, and more can divide us if we allow them, but a five-minute family knows that five minutes as a start can be the difference in connection or isolation. Let’s face it, in most households, the bulk of the decorating can fall on mama. That - in and of itself - can be so isolating. Though, of course, there are those folks who want to do all the decorating themselves. So, as long as you aren’t one of the ‘let me do it all myself’ folks, how do we incorporate everyone and make decorating for Christmas a good and wonderful time that focuses on Jesus? Make sure you are working within an age-appropriate amount of time. Break up the decorating with crafts, snacks, or just simple down-time; this is important for families with young children or children with special needs. For those type-A personalities out there, make sure you start at a time that will allow you these breaks because as you begin to stress about the house being a mess, the more fun you take away from everyone else. Be sure to assign age-appropriate tasks. Some families take turns having a kiddo put the tree topper on. Some families always have dad do it. Some families aren’t organized enough to remember who does it year to year and it is simply random. Whatever the tradition part, make sure that you have the kids have tasks that can allow them some level of autonomy so that they feel fully included and take pride and ownership of some of the decorating. Scale it back or beef it up depending on the emotional, mental, and physical needs of the family members that year. Sometimes, you are ahead of the game and will be able to do a full advent calendar (by the way, these don’t need to be expensive, it can be a small single piece of candy separated daily from one candy container); you can be well-organized and do a full Jesse tree with tree and ornament creation; or even an elf on the shelf (or one of the alternatives such as shepherd on a search or the rascally reindeer). Some years, though, instead of adding a ‘Names of Jesus’ ornament each day, you may have to add them all at once in a condensed discussion time. Add something new but keep the traditions that matter the most. We have to admit, some of us get bored having decorations the same way every year. By adding a new decoration or game to the decoration festivities, we can spice things up a bit but keep those elements that have come to mean the...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you ever cringe when you see a video of a parent shaming his or her child? Like one of those where the child is standing on the street corner with sign stating what they did wrong. Ephesians 6:4 admonishes us parents, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Public shaming seems to fit in the category of stirring up anger in our children to us. Notable greats throughout history have applied the “praise publicly; criticize privately” adage and applied it quite effectively. Vince Lombardi won five national football championships, and he was a big proponent of the concept. Many families will adopt such a motto or tailor it to themselves with something more along the lines of “praise in public; punish in private” or “public commendations; private corrections.” Appreciation feels good, and as family members, we should desire to bring good and fond attention to our loved ones’ strengths. Proverbs 27:2 points out that we are to let another praise us instead of ourselves, so if family members make it their goal to praise one another in public, it helps build trust and admiration within the family unit. To be biblically strong, our family identities must include a culture of constructive correction. A large part of parenting is remembering that Hebrews 12:6 tells us that even “the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives.” Constructive feedback about our weaknesses and how to address them is helpful and good. While the term criticism may have negative connotations, we must remember the discipline, instruction, admonition, and punishment are all aspects of learning that a child (and, truly, we adults as well) need in order to grow more mature and responsible and to grow in the sanctification process. A second reason for private correction comes from Matthew 18:15 which encourages us that, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” If we step into a public forum for correction that should have begun in private, we lose the opportunity to deepen understanding and growth. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Even if we don’t intend it, a word of correction in public can be taken much more harshly than a word in private because embarrassment adds to the feelings and thought patterns. However, there are exceptions, and a five-minute family must know when to apply the guideline and when to break it. Most of the time, it is a fairly good policy to follow. Sometimes, our family member will mess up big time in public. If that behavior is left unchecked in public, then other people outside the family may think that this wrong behavior is acceptable. If someone outside the family unit was wronged or hurt in the process, then a public correction may be needed for the good of everyone involved. We must be loving and prayerful if we feel that this is the correct approach. On a final note, please realize that another instance in which the “public praise; private correction” idea might not be the best would be in the case of an Introverted family member, especially children. For some people, any public acknowledgment of them can bring them much embarrassment and concern, and may even lead them not to do well in the future because they do not want to be in the spotlight. We must know our loved ones and meet them where they are in this occasion. Parents, we should encourage our children to respectfully address their concerns about us as well. Not publicly but privately. Now, we can address our own parenting fails publicly if we feel that others who know us will be able to learn from our mistakes, but nonetheless, our children need to know how to address concerns that they see in others and working through those challenges within the family unit will allow you to grow in your...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Many families in America just enjoyed a long weekend with extended family. As families reunite, conversations abound about work, church, medical needs, social happenings, and more. The participants change a bit each year as we gather with new significant others, new children, and close personal friends. Each family is different but many of us want to show our best side to others. Family posters often read something along the lines of “In our family we share. We laugh a lot. // We always do our best. We have fun. We’re often loud and even silly. // We make mistakes because we’re real. We forgive each other. We say I’m sorry. // We give big hugs. We stick together. We show love.” Posters like that sound cute and all, but what happens when we do make those mistakes? Family life gets hard in those moments. And, those hard moments are hard enough when it is just a nuclear family. What happens when the extended family is involved? What happens, Five Minute Families, when a large portion of the family makes a mistake - a sinful mistake - that hurts a single member of the family? Let’s explore a specific example. In family community, often, someone more “in the know” fills others in about someone else’s life. Moments such as these are necessary and good to help us all stay connected, since there is not always time for us to speak individually at length with everyone. However, what will sometimes happen is that the sharing session becomes a gossip session. Once sin has entered in, it is tough to shut such situations down. So, let’s say your family didn’t heed the prompting of the Holy Spirit and a gossip session was held, and the family member who was discussed was hurt when they found out. What do you do now? 1. Take individual responsibility. One person cannot speak for everyone who participated in the wrongful behavior (in our example - gossip). But, each individual should do some soul searching and listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit that he or she takes responsibility for his or her, no matter how small. James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” Depending on the circumstance, the family as a whole may need to make a collective apology, or each individual may need to apologize. 2. Review where things went off the rail into sinfulness. This can be tricky because you cannot let the review become another problematic gossip time or a time of trying to defend bad behavior. Pray if individual review is best or collective review. It might be best to ask the offended family member how they would like you to proceed. 3. Communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires lovingly. In our example, if you felt you had a legitimate reason for bringing forth your comment, go only to the pertinent person, and be willing to focus solely on that thought. Don’t speculate and don’t defend. 4. Make plans to make amends as long as it won’t further the hurt. A sincere apology is one step. Discussing - and not defending - the offense if the offended person desires might be necessary so that the hurt family member can more fully understand the situation. You will need to let go of your pride and understand that the offended family member is fully within their rights to be angry and distrusting of you and others. Even if they forgive you, it will take time for their feelings to align with their choice AND it will take time to rebuild the trust and camaraderie that was damaged by your sin. 5. Discuss how to better handle a similar situation in the future. If a similar starting situation is likely to occur again, make sure all members of the extended family are aware that keeping to godly behavior is of utmost importance. James 4:17 reminds us that “it is sin to know the good and yet not do it.” The Holy Spirit will lead you in how to share and not gossip. Please note that this Five Minute Family is not just for dysfunctional families.
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is a week of thankfulness in America. Everywhere we turn, we see fall colors, culinary treats, and the words grateful, thankful, and blessed. Our and our sons’ Bible studies, the call to worship, and the sermon itself this past Sunday were all about thankfulness. Psalm 100:4 says, “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name.” What about those of us who might be struggling to be thankful? I am not talking about the logical thankfulness of being alive or having food on the table. I am talking about struggling to be thankful in our first thoughts and ongoing thoughts. For some that is due to real, right-now events such as a spouse having just died or a child addicted to meth. For others that struggle may be due to past hurts and unhealed wounds, and for yet others, mental illness may keep their brains from making the transition to thankfulness. So how do we navigate the Thanksgiving holiday when we are struggling? In pain, grief, trauma, or mental illness, hormones and neurochemicals are disrupted. Those disruptions can cause fatigue, anxiety, loss of appetite, disturbed sleep and more. The brain is adversely affected by all of those. In those times, it can feel monumentally difficult to join in with the ‘thankfulness brigade.’ Yet, we need thankfulness in our hearts, minds, and lives. We need thankfulness spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Being thankful is known to raise “feel good” hormones and lessen stress hormones. We humans are inclined to covetousness, and we often focus on what we don’t have. Philippians 4 verse six begins “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” The great thing is that God’s word doesn’t end there, He goes on to say, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” By intentionally choosing an attitude of thankfulness, we allow God to better guard our hearts and minds. God created us with the ability to rewire our brains. The technical term is neuroplasticity. Just as an athlete practices in order to build muscle and neural memory, we must choose to build up our thankfulness “muscles.” We can meditate on God’s Word daily. We can list what we are thankful for. We can listen to praise and worship music. We can choose to set a single goal daily and congratulate ourselves when we meet it. We can quiet our desires and focus instead on the needs of life. Rewiring the brain does take time, however; so here are five practical ideas to use right now this holiday weekend: 1. For those of us who are struggling with finding the good or joy in life, don’t steal the joy from those around you. You may not feel like joining in and singing songs or playing games, but you can be present and listen. Don’t sulk in your pain, but you don’t have to pretend either. 2. For those of us who don’t struggle with mental health issues, one of the best things we can do is to accept that we don’t know but that struggle is real within our loved ones. Recently, I have listened to and shared often the song “Relate” by For King and Country. In the chorus, they sing: I don't know what it's like to be you You don't know what it's like to be me What if we're all the same in different kinds of ways? Can you, can you relate? We both know what it's like to be hurt We both know what it's like to feel pain 3. Someone struggling needs to be slow to speak, not because you are angry but because you might not realize how often negativity comes out of your mouth. We need to spend a bit of extra time taking our thoughts captive before speaking in a supposed-to-be joyful setting. Be positive in what we say to our loved ones and be positive in what we say to ourselves. And, yes, that matters greatly. 4. Don’t just throw Scripture at a struggling person. God’s...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. In Luke 15 we read the parable of the lost sheep. If a sheep has wandered, which they are prone to do, the shepherd leaves the rest of the flock in a safe space and searches until he finds the one lost sheep. I was taken back to when our two oldest sons decided to walk from Maryland to Tennessee. Mind you, they were six and four years old. They gathered their gear and set off. Annnnd, they promptly got lost. The boys had been playing on our screened-in back porch inside our closed-gate, fenced-in back yard, and their shoes were off. Kim went inside to tend to their infant brother. In less than ten minutes, they were gone. When I saw that their shoes, blanket, and snack goldfish were gone, I immediately knew that something was wrong. I called for them, knocking on neighbors’ doors as I ran frantically through the neighborhood. Then, two neighbors told Kim they had seen the boys at the front of the house on our dead end street and one remarked that a car had driven down, turned around, and then he didn’t see the boys again. We called the police. As minutes ticked away, I began bargaining with God. “Lord, if they have been taken, please please let it be by someone who so desperately wants to have children that they are simply not in their right mind. Lord, if you will allow this to be the case, if they have been taken, I will accept never seeing them again.” As I drove around, I prayed for the safety of my sons. God had seen us through difficult moments before, so I knew that I could place my trust in Him. At some point, I placed our infant son into the caring arms of an elder neighbor who could not help search but was willing to hold a screaming child for almost an hour as we searched. Twenty-one adults and that many (or more) children helped us search. The police sent out a unit, and nearby family came to sit with us. The police officer went to check a sighting before coming to us. A construction worker who had stayed onsite as the others fanned out to search waved me over. One of his coworkers had spotted the boys. I was driving around that area and found our two young sons over a mile away from our home, carrying a 6-foot metal pole and a metal baseball bat because - as the oldest said later - “we knew a plastic sword wouldn’t really protect us.” The lessons we learned about spiritual lostness while finding our physically lost sheep include: 1. First, fear will lead you not to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. God had been whispering for me to get on my knees and pray for my children. But, I felt that I had to keep going, keep looking, and since praying while moving isn’t wrong, that is what I chose to do instead. When my sister-in-law arrived, she said that my brother-in-law had immediately stopped working, gotten on his knees and begun to pray, and he felt full assurance from the Lord that the boys were safe. My thought was “isn’t that great for him but I don’t have my kids.” When I got word they were found, I realized that I had been disobedient and that though now with so many people around it would be embarrassing to hit my knees, that is exactly what I did in praise and thankfulness. 2. Second, we were willing to leave our safe and secure son to find the lost ones. It was not an easy time for him or the neighbor, but we did what was right in the moment, and we extended extra cuddles upon being reunited. Many times as parents we must allow our children to experience uncomfortable moments and then help them process those emotions later. 3. Third, we use bargaining to feel better and that reveals a false belief about God. Viewing God as a vending machine who will give us what we want as long as we put in enough of the cost is not how He operates. His grace and favor are free, and while we may not always understand the circumstances of the bad that befalls us, we must check our desires to manipulate God. 4. Fourth, discipline was necessary. As Hebrews...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. ‘tis the season when many high schoolers are thinking more and more about their college applications. Some parents begin planning their children’s college years during pregnancy. For some families, they have been discussing details and needs every fall since 9th grade. For others, they are just now trying to figure it all out before deadlines hit. Articles abound with the six, nine, twelve, and even seventy-five (yes, SEVENTY-five) tips for getting into a good university. Do you spend as much time thinking about how to build a strong family in Christ as some people spend thinking about getting into college? Unfortunately, most of us just let life flow around us and fit God into the picture when it works for our schedule OR when everything around us is falling apart. So, let’s take the next few minutes to compare the college application process to walking the Christian life. First, God isn’t a college admissions team. He sent His Son to die for you. Believe in Him and you are in. By grace you have been saved through faith, that is the gift of God. You do not have to be good enough, try harder, clean yourself up before coming. And, there is no need to go dorm room shopping. God is preparing a place that is perfect for you! John 14:1-3 tells us, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” Second, college admissions want to see you stand out and prepare well for college life and making them proud to call you an alumnus. But, with God you cannot do anything to increase your chances of getting accepted because as a believer you already are accepted. Your children don’t have to be the best behaved kid in the room to prove you are a good and godly parent. You don’t have to say yes to everything you are asked to do in order to be accepted by God’s family either. Third, growing in Christ - the sanctification process - takes work, and just like a college applicant has had to show themselves to be well-rounded by being committed to one or two extracurricular activities, we need to get involved in the service of the church. Given what James says about works in chapter 2 verses 18 and “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. … You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works,” we must realize that there is work to do while we are still on this earth. Fourth, college hopefuls are encouraged to invest a lot of time in their application essays. It is said that “The college essay is the perfect opportunity to show schools that you are not just a statistic. … An essay provides the colleges another opportunity to communicate with you on a personal level.” Your testimony is an opportunity to share what God has done in your life and what He has done in your families’ lives. You might think that since you weren’t saved out of rock-bottom addiction or since you haven’t lived a life of suffering, you don’t have a testimony to share with others, but just like the college essay, it isn’t about the mind-blowing moments. Your testimony is about what God has done and continues to do in and through you. Take time to jot down the important points of your testimony and ask God to begin bringing people you can share it with. And, fifth, just as college admission teams see through the ranking game that many students try to play, families should not try to “rank” themselves higher within the church by giving more money or more time. Let God lead where you should be serving and giving, and try to rest confidently in the role He has you and your family playing in your local church. Growing in Christ takes work, more work than getting into...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This morning’s devotion is focused on the husband and wife of the family, and we will be speaking around certain words to remain kid friendly, but the concept discussed is not for kids, so please note that you may want to listen to this next five minutes privately if your kiddos are extremely curious or they are beginning to understand certain words but are not mature enough to deal with certain concepts. If you are hearing us on the radio and are wondering how to listen at another time, please know that you can hear the Five Minute Family as a podcast on your favorite listening platform, including Amazon, Spotify, PlayerFM, and more. Today we will conclude our series about biblical loves. Agape, phileo, and storge loves are all specifically used in the New Testament, but the Greek word eros, or romantic love, is not explicitly used. It is, however, implicitly referenced in the New Testament as physical guidelines and boundaries are discussed in 1 Corinthians 7 verses 5, 8, and 9 as well as in Hebrews 13:4. Eros love is described in detail in the Old Testament in the Song of Solomon. Eros love is a good thing, though the root word has been used in other words that have been corrupted by the world. Eros love is a holy, ordained physical love between a husband and wife. And, it is to be honored as Hebrews 13:4 states: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the [] immoral and adulterous.” As a gift from God, we must remember to cherish and protect. God does not shy away from romantic love, and neither should we. Husbands and wives should study the Song of Solomon together if they are having any concerns in the area of romantic love. Some people want to shy away from the passionate illustrations of the Song of Solomon and explain them away by saying the verses are simply an analogy of God’s unending love for us, His bride. But, even if we do that, we must still address that God allowed the analogy to be based on the passionate, demonstrative love between a husband and a wife. So, how does a Godly couple exemplify eros love? 1. Be communicative. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, desires, and concerns is important to improve how you and your spouse experience eros love. You cannot read each other’s minds, and communicating clearly will deepen your overall relationship with one another. 2. Be demonstrative. Husbands and wives need to understand one another’s needs and realize that eros love is not always just the final act. Some individuals do not ever want to hold hands in public, but others feel extra special when their spouse simply holds hand with them. Communicate your needs and desires for how your spouse can best demonstrates his or her love for you. 3. Be wise. Stay within the boundaries God has placed in this area of life. Following His design will produce a richer, more fulfilling eros love within your marriage. 4. Be protective. I heard a concept earlier this week that I think applies in numerous situations, including eros love, and that concept is to communicate the schedule. Sometimes, young parents will let the physical exhaustion of having young kids and older parents will let the emotional toll of having older kids weigh them down. It may seem counterintuitive to schedule your time together, but by making sure you have communicated your calendar and set aside time together, then you are showing your commitment to addressing one another’s romantic love needs. 5. Be proactive. You each must feel comfortable with your time together. Maybe, one of you is having a medical issue. Think through how that issue may affect your romantic love, and make a plan that will deal with the negatives that may come with it. Spend time anticipating one another’s needs and guard your time together no matter what life’s circumstances are coming your way. If you have had any abuse or an assault in the past, please seek counsel from...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Today we continue our love series studying the Greek words used or indicated in the Bible; those four are agape, phileo, storge, and eros. We have discussed agape - God’s unconditional love - and phileo - brotherly love. Many people will try to compare and rank the types of love. However, aside from agape, the other three loves are not meant to be comparative. Each is desirable. And, this week we are discussing storge - family love. Often, parents will mention how they “never knew true love until they had a child of their own.” One mother told me that her love for her first child revealed more to her of God’s nature than any sermon ever has. Storge is quickly defined as a “natural love among family members.” While it is most often referred to as the parent/child love, it is a familial love among brothers, sisters, and grandparents as well. God has Paul use storge in a compound word form found in Romans 12:10 - “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” And, that compound word for love in the original text is the combination of both phileo and storge - two loves combined by God for us to use to create an example of biblical community to the world. Thus, to take a comprehensive, biblical view of storge, we can see that it is a love of unity - unity in our families AND in our biblical communities. Let’s take that first part of Romans 12:10 - to love as brothers and sisters, and let’s talk about some brothers and sisters of the Bible. 1. Mary of the Mary/Martha sister combo shows us how to be a good role model. While Martha wanted Mary to fulfill what she saw as a family and societal obligation, Jesus pointed out that Mary was setting a good example of how to place God preeminently in our lives. 2. Esau shows us how to forgive within families even when we ourselves have made mistakes. Jacob and Esau had been separated for 21 years when Jacob returned. And, though Jacob had been blessed by God in his endeavors, Jacob was afraid of what Esau would do to him. Esau instead welcomed Jacob home and showered him with love. 3. Jacob’s sons show us to accept one another despite our differences. In the beginning the twelve sons of Jacob were the epitome of a dysfunctional family, but they had to learn the lesson that our differences and our unique purposes can benefit one another. 4. Miriam kept an eye out for Moses when he had to be separated from their family and put into potential harm. She went out of her way to make sure that his rescuer - the Pharaoh’s daughter - would get him the love and care he needed from their very own mother. Family members and church family members must be ready to go the extra mile for one another. 5. I don’t often think of Andrew and Peter, two of Jesus’s disciples, as brothers, but, they were, and as soon as Andrew heard that the Messiah had come, he ran and got his brother. In sharing his faith and joy, he got to be part of God’s plan to bring Peter - the original Rock - to the Lord. Many people do not treat their biblical communities with a family-type love. They hold church members at arms’ length, never choosing authenticity, service, and openness. We cannot force others to choose to view the church as family, but we can the best examples we can be by being good role models, forgiving one another, being devoted to one another, going out of our way to fill in the gaps for each other, and speaking the joyful wisdom of the Good News. The Bible is filled with one-anothering verses, and loving each other with a storge love is paramount to know how to one-another. Remember, 1 John 4:20 tells us that "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." And Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." Five minute families should
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever taken a moment to evaluate the depth and commitment of your friendships? What about the people you are around each week? Examining your relationships to those around you and ultimately how you relate to Jesus is what we encourage at Clear View Retreat as we minister to families going through the norms and storms of life. As we step into week 2 of our love series, please realize that we are not encouraging folks to collect more friends on social media. We need community and we need friends, but we need quality over quantity any day. Last week we discussed God’s unconditional love called agape, and this week we are chatting about a second Greek word for love used in the Bible in a variety of word forms - phileo. Phileo is generally characterized as friendship love or brotherly love. Now, with brotherly love, we are not talking about the typical ways brothers are known to interact, such as two teenage brothers fighting it out and calling their disagreement settled at the end of the physical fight, nor are we talking about brotherly challenges of random competition. We are not even talking about misplaced brotherly protection when you know your brother was wrong and needs to be called out but you won’t let someone outside the family do the calling out. In brotherly love, we are talking about the fondness and enjoyment of having a close relationship. A deep, abiding love is not only found in families. When two people who are not in each other’s family delight in each other but not in a romantic, attraction-sort of way, then that love is best described with the Greek word for love which is phileo, sometimes written or described with the words philia or philadelphia. Philadelphia’s exact translation is brotherly love. And, here at CVR, Phileo is the action that we are referring to when we talk about building biblical community and one-anothering. Think about Jesus’s relationship with Lazarus. Both Mary and Martha as well as the Jews who saw Jesus weep upon hearing of Lazarus’s death refer to His love for His friend as phileo - brotherly, friendship love. To cultivate a healthy brotherly, friendship love, let’s turn to Romans 12. Verses 9 through 16 are sometimes labeled the “Christian Ethics” list. The Matthew Henry Bible Commentary classifies those verses as seven loves that Christians owe to one another. Here are our five suggestions for expressing phileo in a biblical manner: 1. Be respectful - Verse 10 says honor one another, verse 11 admonishes us to not be lazy, and verse 16 reminds us to consider others before ourselves. Each of those embody an element of respect. 2. Be generous - Verse 13 expresses how we must share with those in need as well as to pursue hospitality. Think for a moment about the feeling you get when you are in the presence of someone who has taken the time to think of your comforts, needs, and desires. Hospitality does not require the generosity of money; it requires the generosity of a heart’s attitude that gives time, thought, and passion to another person. 3. Be sympathetic - Verse 14 encourages us to walk together and feel what others are feeling. We mustn’t dismiss if someone is rejoicing or weeping; we must rejoice or weep with them, not just say, “oh, I’ll be praying for you” and then going about our business, never thinking of them again in that season. 4. Be united - Verse 11 tells us to stay in the Spirit, serving the Lord. And, verse 16 continues that idea by specifically stating that we are to live in harmony. Without unity in the Spirit, harmony is impossible. 5. Be peaceful and kind - Verse 14 prompts us to remember that even when someone wrongs us, we are to show brotherly, friendship love by blessing them. To phileo our brothers and sisters in Christ, a five-minute family must be willing to go outside their house walls and work on the biblical community God has brought them to. If you don’t have a biblical community, we strongly
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Many years ago, Kim and I had the opportunity to listen to a Bible study about the loves of the Bible, no not marriages of the Bible, though we are working through preparing a study on those. We were studying the different original Greek words that were translated into the English word for love. I love apple pie. I love my children. I love my husband. I love my parents. I love my job. I love hosting guests in our home. I love dancing. I love… I love… I love… All of those loves cannot possibly mean the same thing in their core. Do I really hold an apple pie on the same emotional and commitment level as my spouse? (Well, maybe on some days… ) The ancient Greeks had many words for the one we all lump together in English as “love.” If you do an internet search, you will find folks writing about the three Greek loves, the four, the six, or the seven. I didn’t find any lists with more than seven though they might be out there. And, if you add in Hebrew, some sites say there are two, three, or four words in Hebrew to properly convey love and its richness. We actually found six different Hebrew words listed among the articles. It is interesting that the Hebrew language breaks its words for love into separate components of love a bit differently than the Greek does. Hebrew marks love by devotion, protection, and choice, which can be applied to every relationship while the four Greek words that are typically referenced as being used in the Bible are labeled as God’s unconditional love, family love, brotherly love, and marital physical (or passionate) love. Now, I enjoy etymology, but I am not a “linguaphile” so we will limit our devotions to only four of the Hebrew and Greek words to give us a better understanding of loving one another and five-minute applications for our families. If you have further training or more in-depth knowledge in the study of the words used in the Bible that are translated ‘love,’ please contact us and share your knowledge! We are going to start with agape, which is the foundation of all lasting love in a five-minute family. According to the New World Encyclopedia, “In the New Testament, the word agape or its verb form agapao (ah-gah-pah-o) appears more than 200 times.” One passage for example is 1 John 4:7-11 - “Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.” So, how do we agapao with agape? We must follow God’s lead. As John 13:34 tells us, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another.” A Yes! magazine published an article that stated, “There is growing evidence that agape is in a dangerous decline in many countries. Empathy levels in the U.S. have declined sharply over the past 40 years, with the steepest fall occurring in the past decade. We urgently need to revive our capacity to care about strangers.” The world has a false sense of what agape entails. God is not only empathetic with us. He is unconditional. Many folks feel that being unconditional is impossible for us humans because we do not forget even if we want to forgive and our hurts usually influence our future behavior. However, God’s unconditional agape love is: 1. Protective 2. Sacrificial 3. Choosing - as in, He continual chooses a relationship with us 4. Enduring 5. And Just You, five minute families, with the indwelling Holy Spirit, can absolutely choose to apply each of those five elements to your family relationships. 2 Peter 1:5-7 tenderly reminds us, “For this...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We just completed our September marriage retreat, and as fall progresses we will be welcoming grieving individuals during a support group meeting once a week for six weeks and during a weekend grief retreat. Please pray for the families who were here deepening their marital relationships and for those who are mourning the loss of their spouses. We are moved by the juxtaposition of those two aspects of our ministry here at CVR. We celebrate God’s design for marriage, and we mourn with those who mourn their lifetime loves. Yet, in all aspects of life, we seek to glorify the God of the universe who gives our lives purpose. With that in mind, today's five minutes will focus on Romans 15:14: “And concerning you, my brothers and sisters, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.” The Scriptures are full of wisdom, encouragement, and application for life both present and eternal. Today this scripture fulfills those points very well. A former professor of mine, Dr. Robert Kellemen, illuminated this verse several years ago, pointing out God’s “4 C's" within this verse. Those are community, character, content, and competence. So, how can we as Five Minute Families take these points into our relationships? In our traditional five-point format, let us encourage you through the aspects of Romans 15:14 opening with that which is preeminent. 1. Christ. Nothing starts with without Christ. Many focus on the salvation He brings, which, of course, is a great gift and a great sacrifice He has done for us. Because of that sacrifice we have new life, now and forever. Romans 15:14 highlights not only some of the benefits but also the reality of our newness in Christ. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, these next 4 points are yours. 2. Community. Just as Paul writes to his audience of believers, he highlights our connection in community. Brothers and sisters. The community of believers goes beyond our immediate families. It's those Christ-followers in our church, the church down the street, the church across the country, and the church around the world. There will be times that you may feel alone, but God is always with us and His saints are there for you as well. Together, in Christ, we are strong! 3. Character. God just said that you are "full of goodness." Let that sink in. Take out your Bible and read it for yourself. Meditate on it. Goodness in yourself? Think back to our first point. Christ. He provides our goodness, and the work of salvation gives us the opportunity to do the right thing as we follow God's Word in our lives. We have the choice to put on the character of Christ. 4. Content. We are also described as "filled with all knowledge." Just the thought of that seems overwhelming because I feel that I am very lacking. With so much to learn, it can seem too much to even fathom. God is not saying that you are omniscient like Him, but we have access to Him, the God of the universe, who created all things and knows all things. When we study His word, our eyes can be opened to who God is and who we are to Him. The Scriptures provide everything for life and godliness. Pray and ask. Seek and you shall find. Listen for the Holy Spirit to guide you. 5. Competence. Our last point today, but certainly not the end of the amazing wonders of God because He never ends. As the scripture says, we are "able to admonish or instruct one another." We can teach others these wonders of God. We can warn of the dangers of the unrighteous life and encourage righteousness. We know bringing the good news of God into our homes can be difficult, but remember that you are not alone. Even Jesus was rejected by His hometown but He didn't give up. Your life changed in Christ, and that witness is powerful. Your opportunity to shine for Christ and show the grace of God to others is not a maybe but a yes. You can...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. The 20th anniversary of 9/11 was last week, and it was a day of reflection. Many of us remember those events - where we were and who we were with. Now, we have a large population that were either very young or not yet born, and they cannot fully relate to our experiences; they feel frustrated by the ‘never forget’ tagline because they do not remember. But, they can reflect on the stories, on the history, and on the reality of that day on their present day. We can all reflect on that day, and on this day we encourage you to reflect on reflecting. What does that really mean? Reflecting. It is taking time to look at several factors in your life. One of those factors that intersect all areas is relationships. This morning let’s talk about the concept that we call ‘the relationship stutter step’. What happens when you walk along the path with someone - hand in hand - and you are out of step with each other? The walking isn't as smooth as it could be. There is jostling and unnecessary extra movements and sensations all along the journey. Until someone stutter steps and puts you back in sync. Then, the walk becomes immediately easier and less troublesome. Here are some biblical examples: Psalm 133:1 “How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!” Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” And, a summary of 1 Corinthians 12:12-26 “For just as the body is one and has many members … But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. … But God has so composed the body, … that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” Here's an applicable example: loading up for a long trip which typically includes several questions - some asked several times, last minute agendas, and protests even of how and when things are being done. The process is rarely smooth, everyone is jostling against the next person, and if no one is willing to stutter step out of the chaos, everyone gets tossed about - with the person in the middle organizing the process getting quite a bit of the jostling force. The family begins to feel the frustrations and emotions running high. Then, someone just gets mad and fusses the most. Unfortunately, in our family, that overly frustrated person is usually me. When we aren't in step with those around us and we get frustrated by the uneven movements, or attitudes, or action of our family, it is harder to move forward without conflict. We must take to heart what Paul says in Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” So, first, let’s discuss a couple of ideas to start out in unity: 1. Make a plan. Luke 14:28 reminds us that we are to sit down and plan to make sure each detail has been considered. 2. Share the plan with EACH person, including the younger kiddos. And, yes, this means you might have to repeat the plan multiple times to make sure each person heard it, but it will help keep unity in the long run. Then, how does a Five-Minute Family stutter step if someone or multiple someones get out of sync: 1. Breathe deeply when something or someone is out of step. Remember that “[a] soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) 2. Be flexible. Stutter step the plan by seeing what changes need to be made AND communicate that stutter step change to everyone “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9) 3. Be kind when someone in out of sync. I wasn't kind to my husband on our last packing adventure. I was the central go-to for all questions, attitudes, and making sure that items got packed when they needed to be packed. I wasn't in a good mood to begin with and everything kinda
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This past Sunday our church celebrated its 129th Homecoming. I don’t remember having the tradition of a church homecoming growing up, so for those of you who are unfamiliar with a church homecoming as I once was, elements typically include a special message, special guests (usually leading worship), acknowledgement of church members who have died during the past twelve months, and a fellowship meal for reconnecting with church and the church family who have been called in new directions. Interestingly, if you look up ‘homecoming’ on the internet, you will first see a lot about schools’ homecomings and the events that come before. When I was in high school, homecoming was a series of fun events such as a day-time parade or wacky dress-up days for the whole week with a football game on the roster for that Friday night. Someone was named queen earlier in the school year, and she presided over the events of the week and game night. We dressed our best and enjoyed dancing the evening away. Past members, alumni, and community visitors were not in any way on my radar growing up; I do not remember ever hearing about any events organized for them. I have long wanted to attend one of my high school’s homecomings. Why do we feel pulled back - temporarily - to a time and place that life’s circumstances drew us from? Memes, poignant quotes, and even the story about Lot’s wife looking back longingly on her sinful life tell us we should move on and never look back. Yet, truly, there is a time to look back and reflect. Even Jacob was instructed by the Lord to return to his homeland after 20 years away. In Mark, the former demon-possessed man was told not to travel on with Jesus but to return home and tell others about what Jesus had done. Home is more than just where one lives. Home is a feeling, home is an attitude, home is a memory holder and a heart molder. Home is an opportunity to reconnect and recharge. Home isn’t a place; home is family. Thus, if one definition of homecoming is “to return to a place that is like home,” then we can see that the concept of homecoming should matter a great deal to a Christ-following, five-minute family. Homecomings of all kinds should embrace at least these five elements: An invitation to those to be included - My mom and my stepdad were always very good at making sure they reiterated the invitation to family and friends to always feel welcome to come to their home. Jesus called out invitations to the disciples to follow Him. And, He gave a special invitation to those who are hurting in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He even gave a parable of the wedding invitation; invitations and responses to them matter. An expressed purpose for any homecoming - memorial, birth, wedding, birthday, medical, or just because. Let the invited family and friends know what the expectations are. It removes unnecessary pressure and helps everyone be on the same page. Organized fellowship time - Just like the Sunday message helps the church family during homecoming begin to focus their thoughts in a certain direction, events planned during family or biblical community homecomings help to get everyone thinking in the same direction while also providing more shared experiences. Free fellowship time - Free time allows conversations to develop on their own, and each person has the freedom to share their hearts’ needs. When we focus our hearts on the Lord and share the trials and triumphs God has seen us through, we bring Him glory and deepen our relationships with one another. Worship time - We always have the opportunity to honor the Lord in worship, whether it be in prayer, song, or testimonies. Build intentional worship time together during your homecoming. As Psalm 95:6 says, “Come, let’s worship and bow down, let’s kneel before the Lord our Maker.”
Please note that these elements pertain both to the home and family as...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Jojo is our youngest son, and he loves to put on the whole armor of God. As we sit together preparing this week’s Five Minute Family devotion, memories of our older boys dressed in plastic silver armor, standing tall, and explaining each part of the armor fill our thoughts. We are recording at Clear View Retreat in Lancing, Tennessee, a family ministry which was born out of the knowledge, wisdom, and encouragement that others passed down to us and that God illuminated as we committed to grow closer to Him. Now, we have the blessed opportunity to lead a ministry that encourages families in Christ to connect deeply with Him and each other. We are finishing our Key Truths for Families series through the 6th chapter of Ephesians with the focus on the whole armor of God. We started in verse 10 and are wrapping up with our passage for today: Ephesians 6:18 “With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be alert with all perseverance and every request for all the saints” Prayer. What a great way to complete this series. Paul, as inspired by the Holy Spirit, knew exactly what we need as soldiers for Christ. The armor is protection, giving us action and preparation for life around us while prayer is connection to the source of everything. Yes, everything. The King of the universe. Lord of lords. Mighty God is He! And we can converse with Him. Praying can look many different ways, and people throughout the ages have encouraged prayer in diverse traditions. Reminders and plans can be very helpful to get the conversation started. Please remember that prayer is about relationship, not rote repetition. We can see from James chapter 4 starting at the end of verse 2 and going on to verse 3 that we don't have because we simply don't ask or we ask with the wrong motives. “You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures.” So, how can families pray? 1. Spend time reading and discussing instances of prayers in the Bible. From Moses and King David to Jesus and His followers - we can see what they said to God and often God's response. The Bible does not encourage us to say the same exact words they did, but follow their examples, the faith of their words, and their perspective on prayer. 2. Take time to actually pray together following different examples you recently learned about in your study together. Nehemiah is a great example. In chapter 1 Nehemiah pours out his heart through a prayer that touches upon many aspects of prayer: praise, petition, confession, humility, remembrance, and asking. The Lord's prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:2-4, of course, is another great example. 3. Encourage each other to pray in the Spirit. Praying in the spirit is allowing God to influence your prayer. It's open eyes to the heart of God. It's approaching the Lord seeking His perspectives. Can we allow God to use us even in prayer? 4. Pray for other family members and saints. While there are definitely personal prayer times, praying as a family and being an example of seeking God in prayer is powerful. That does not mean we are puffed up in ourselves or praying for the audience around you. Praying out loud with your family can be humbling to do. But remember, the focus should be on God, especially in prayer. 5. Be alert and persevere. Of the several points throughout this series, the one that jumps out the most to us is actually that of being active. We must take action and be ready. Several passages in the Bible say: be strong and courageous. Be courageous in your prayers with your family. Be active in your prayer life, and persevere in praying together even through the storms of life. In closing, Five Minute Families, we know it would be easy to seek our own comfort, loosen our armor, set down the sword, and forget to pray. And, that would start...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you, Jojo, for getting us started. We are Kim and Jim from Clear View Retreat. We are parents to 5 boys, 3 of which are still at home with us. We have seen the spectrum of child rearing. Some things we could have done better, of course; some things we have done and continue to do well that have outweighed any of our misgivings. The best thing we have done is promote our Lord Jesus Christ and His Word in our home; what a huge difference it makes when we are encouraging our family to walk with Him. We can read in 1 Corinthians 3:11: “For no one can a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” And, John 1:1 reads: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Jesus is our foundation since the beginning of time.”
We have come to the last piece of the traditional whole armor of God but not our last message for this series. Ephesians chapter 6 is our passage for the Truth for Families series that we have embarked upon. Ephesians 6 is full of great wisdom for all of us, especially for helping our families grow in Christ. Check our website, clearviewretreat.org for past episodes and how to connect with our ministry.
Our verse today is again verse 17: “And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” The sword is another gift, much like our salvation, that we can take freely. No cost. This word is a gift from God. Let’s explore five points about the sword of the Spirit: 1. First, note the word take; just as with salvation, we have to pick up our swords and be ready. A soldier who gets dressed in his best battle ready uniform yet leaves his weapon behind is ineffective for real battle. Take your Sword with you whether it is literally carrying your Bible with you on your travels or having hidden His word in your heart as you rise up and go about your day. 2. Second, the sword is an active piece of armor. Hands on. Even if you remember to grab your sword, you have to know how to use it. That does require training and discipline. For families, you can share your training directly, which for parents is your primary responsibility. Training and discipleship is why we started CVR; we want to help families learn how to use the sword of the spirit in each moment of the day. 3. Third, Hebrews 4:12 tells us, “For the word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, even penetrating as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” The sword divides and exposes sin. The sword separates our selfish thoughts from Truth and helps us actually focus on truth. 4. Fourth, we need to promote confidence in the Word within our family. Here is a great quote by Voddie Baucham in why we can believe the Bible, “It's a reliable collection of historical documents written by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses, they report supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophecies and claim that their writings are divine rather than human in origin.” 5. And, fifth, the wise counsel of this sword - this word of God - is applicable to daily life and beneficial for living a holy and righteous life. We must bring the Truth of God’s Word, not our own opinions, into our families. When we challenge ourselves and our families to seek the historical, linguistic, and cultural contexts of the Bible, we learn more about the depth and validly of God’s Word. We see in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man or woman of God may be fully capable, equipped for every good work.” We may feel unable, incapable, and not well trained. But, take that first step and then continue to take baby steps, big steps, and all the steps in between. Sword training in the Word is...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. The COVID-19 virus continues to wreak havoc around the globe and has struck us at church and at home. We are in the recovery phase and are thankful that no one in our family needed to be hospitalized. We are praying for those whose lives have been affected by this crazy virus. One thing that cannot be changed about me by any virus or other catastrophe? My salvation. That is one thing that Christ-followers can be sure of and know -- in Christ we are saved. Let us further explore this topic today as we pick back up our series Key Truths for Families as seen through the lens of Ephesians chapter 6 and the whole armor of God. Please check out our website - clearviewretreat.org - or your favorite podcast app for past Five Minute Family episodes to see the progression of this series through discussing Christ esteem, knowing the battle, standing firm, being held together in truth, having put on righteousness as a breastplate, being prepared with the gospel of peace, and putting faith before you as a shield. And, remember, all those pieces of the armor we are told to “Put on.” Ephesians 6:17 tells us to “take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Let’s break the first part of the verse down - take the helmet of salvation: 1. First, we must remember that verse 17 has its own verb… Take. Not the same as so many other pieces when we were told to ‘put on’ the armor. I picture this ‘take’ the same as one taking a gift. That gift is not simply fire insurance and our tickets to heaven, but it is also a revelation of new life, even on this side of eternity. 2. Second, once we have accepted the gift of the helmet, we are offered protection. The helmet protects our head. Ever had your bell rung? Or, had some sort of hit on the head? Without head protection, we are disoriented and can literally see shooting lights further rendering us unable to participate in the battle. Yet, with head protection, blows that could take us out become simply mild distractions easily overcome. 3. Third, the helmet of salvation provides us confidence in Christ. The helmet of salvation is not a normal helmet. We do not put on and remove the helmet at will. Although we can feel like we have failed and the helmet has been removed, in Christ and with the sealing of the Holy Spirit our salvation is steadfast and true. His grace abounds as we are held in His mighty hand. 4. Fourth, we see the benefits that a helmet provides. Helmets do not only provide immediate protection. Just as concussions can have lasting effects that distort our perspectives and normal functioning, the helmet of salvation enhances our new understanding of life and helps us understand that we are a new creature and new creation. There are long-term benefits to wearing a helmet, now and forever. 5. And, finally, the helmet is the hope of salvation. 1 Thessalonians 5:8 says, “But since we are of the day, let’s be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation.” Biblical hope is not some wishy-washy desire that something will happen. Biblical hope is the assurance of the work that Jesus completed on the cross. There is nothing we can do or will do to mess up the hope of the helmet of salvation. The helmet of salvation illustrates the blessings that Jesus bestowed upon. Do you and your family reflect often enough on what the true blessings of Jesus are? Ephesians 1 tells us that God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ; we are adopted and redeemed, holy and blameless. He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He set forth in Jesus, regarding His plan of the fullness of the times, to bring all things together in Christ. How can we can consider ourselves anything less than fully blessed knowing that truth? Grace becomes glorious. With gleaming armor protecting us and keeping us safe in...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Before we dive into our Key Truths for Families series, we want to tell you about an exciting opportunity happening at First Baptist Church in Wartburg on Sunday evening, July 25th, 2021, starting at 6 pm. Brother Ryan Karp will be visiting and sharing his unique perspective of faith as someone who was raised in the Jewish traditions; he is part of the Chosen People Ministries. Please join us on Sunday evening at 6 or catch it on the FBC Wartburg facebook page. Now, on to our ongoing series based on Ephesians 6:10-18 - Key Truths for Families from the Whole Armor of God. Today we are finishing that complex sentence beginning in verse 14 with Stand firm ending here in verse sixteen. “Stand firm, therefore… taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” So, let us ask you a question: Is faith important? To you? To your family? How can we apply faith in our lives? Hold up, Kim. We need to define faith in the context of a Christian household, especially because the secular world will tell us that faith is simply hope, expectation, or dependence. While those are certainly elements of faith, faith in the Christian worldview is so much more. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." And Ephesians 2:8 points out that ultimately, faith for a Christ-follower is a gift from God, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.” We see that God gives assurance through the best gift ever! That gift can help shape you and your family’s faith. Just as the jailer believed in Acts 31, faith and salvation is also for your whole family. Here are 5 ways to bring the shield of faith into your home. 1. First, take up the shield. Again, action. If we are not ready with our faith, we will not have time to protect ourselves and our families from the flaming arrows of the evil one. 2. Second, remember, you are able. In the context of the battle raging around us, we may feel overwhelmed, discouraged, beat down. That’s where faith stands firm. Remember the battle is against principalities and powers that want to destroy our faith and families, even pitting us against each other. Faith says God is for us, which is more powerful than that which is against us. 3. Third, the shield extinguishes. The devil throws us off track with twisted lies that are so close to the truth that we need the deeper discernment and discipline of faith to overcome the lies thrown at us. The shield of faith simply doesn’t block the incoming shot; it destroys it! Make sure you keep that shield in place at all times so that none of the enemies flaming arrows are able to get you and your family. 4. Fourth, maintain the readiness and quality of your shield. Know what is true. Let God’s word penetrate your hearts. Some people get caught up in knowing the enemy, but the truth of Christ should occupy much more of our time than studying the enemy. Colossians 2:8 admonishes us, “See to it that there is no one who takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception in accordance with human tradition, in accordance with the elementary principles of the world, rather than in accordance with Christ.” 5. And, finally, share your faith. Tell those stories of when the arrows were flying and faith in God eliminated the lies, temptations, struggles, or problems you were facing. Let your family know that “the struggle is real,” but we can overcome those with more than a catchphrase but real faith. Exercise those core beliefs which will help them solidify and also encourage those around you. A Christian counselor we highly respect wrote this about faith when we are suffering: “Faith does not demand the removal of suffering; faith desires endurance in suffering.” The first part of Galatians 2:16 says “we are not justified by works of the law but through faith...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us on this next episode of the Five Minute Family devotional brought to you by Clear View Retreat. Our hearts are for your families and seeing them thrive in a world that continues to push against a Biblical view of family and Christian values. With the many challenges that life brings today, the Bible still has answers. Ephesians chapter 6 is taking us through what we are calling the Key Truths for Families as we examination the whole armor of God. So far we have learned that we must esteem Christ above self-esteem, know the battle before us, stand firm, be held together with the belt of truth, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. Today we are bringing you part 6 of our series and the focusing on the third piece of armor - preparation of the gospel of peace, which many refer to as the shoes of peace. Verse fifteen of Ephesians 6 says, “and having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace.” Verses and chapter labels were not originally parts of the letters and books of the Bible. Thus, we need to look at the beginning of a complex sentence that makes up verses fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen. The sentence begins with Stand firm. So, let’s parenthetical the belt and breastplate that we previously discussed and see that Paul is again writing for Christians to “Stand firm therefore,… having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace.” The King James Version, as well as others, say having shod your feet. Whether we read the language translation as strapped on, shod, or even sandaled with, they are all about underbinding the feet. Underbinding means to bind underneath, which is the foundation. Your feet must be on a firm foundation - a foundation that is more important than footwear. What is the underneath, the foundation, of what God calls His followers to stand on? What do YOU stand on? Five Minute families, as Christ- followers, our firm foundation is peace of the good news of the completed saving work of Jesus Christ our Lord. Peace. The good news! The strongest foundation of them all. Let’s turn for a moment to the word preparation; this is not simply that we will slip on some flip flops. Preparation for the Roman soldier meant adding spikes to his shoes. He never stepped without intentionally planning the movement, having a firm grasp on the foundation on which he depended. Are you ready with your preparation? Are you being intentional with preparing your and your families’ hearts and minds with the truth of the gospel in order to stand firm on the peaceful foundation of the Good News? Considering the shoes of peace, here are five ways to get ready and stand firm in the foundation of God’s gift through Jesus. 1. First, we must know that this piece of armor calls for continued action. I enjoy getting home after a long day at work, kicking off my shoes and relaxing with my family. We, of course, can rest in Christ, but we must not let our foundation deteriorate in the storms of life. It takes work. 2. Second, we need to review our family’s actual foundation. Be honest with yourself and one another. Assess your worldviews against biblical truth. It can be difficult to separate our family traditions and ways of relating to how the Bible encourages us to shine for Christ and love one another. 3. Third, intentionally firm up those areas that match up with the truth. Allow God to show you the strengths He has given you and your family. 4. Fourth, evaluate your areas of weakness. Look for the slippery area of the worn out shoe, so to speak. In what areas are you personally struggling to get traction in life? What areas as a family? How will you improve those weak areas? Remember, God is the ultimate cobbler; He can give us new strength. 5. And, finally, never forget that the gospel is your goal. Many say that evangelism is seen as the end goal of this piece of armor. However, we see how a firm foundation based on the...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Here at Clear View Retreat, we want to build up families so that you are better equipped to navigate the ‘norms’ and ‘storms’ of life. Drawing families closer by focusing on the hope, connection, and strength that God and His word provide is our goal. Because of that goal we started this radio spot that has now become an easy five-minute podcast that can be found on most of the podcast platforms you have access to. Whether you send a comment on fb or via one of our other contact forms, please let us know if there is a topic you would be interested in having us explore after we finish this current series - Key Truths for Families. So far in this series we have discussed that our families need to have Christ esteem, know the battle before us, stand firm, and be held together with the belt of truth. Now continuing through our journey in Ephesians chapter 6 we come to the second piece of armor mentioned - the breastplate of righteousness. Verse fourteen says, “Stand firm therefore, having belted your waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness.” Righteousness - defined as the quality of being morally right or justifiable - is mentioned throughout the Bible. Those two parts of the definition - morally right or justifiable - can be seen in how the Bible handles the concept of righteousness. In Ephesians 4:24 Paul explains how our newness in Christ is based in righteousness and holiness of truth, which is the imputed, justifiable part of righteousness. Additionally, Ephesians 5:9 prompts us to be fruitful in goodness, righteousness, and truth; thus, due to the Holy Spirit, we now have the ability to be morally right. Oi, imputed righteousness, holiness of truth, behaving morally right, all of that can seem overwhelming. But, truly, once we realize that we already have received the righteousness of Jesus Christ, we can now focus on learning more about God’s Truth and how to live and relate to others in His goodness. So, how do we do that in our families? 1. First, “put on the breastplate of righteousness.” Put on. That is a call to action. “Put on.” The breastplate is a defensive piece of armor; you have to choose to put it on. Romans 13:14 says to “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh and its lusts.” To not intentionally choose Christ’s righteousness is to simply go defenseless and vulnerable to the misleading of the flesh. 2. Second, remember that the breastplate of righteousness is for our protection. The defensive breastplate in armor protects the vital organs; righteousness protects the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “[w]atch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” 3. Third, we must recognize the position we hold in the kingdom of God, with fellow armor-bearers. According to 2 Corinthians 5:21, we have become the righteousness of God. We are capable of making morally right choices BECAUSE of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ even if our past is majorly flawed. 4. Fourth, we must delight in the promises and possibilities that the righteousness of God gives us. Isaiah 32:17 says, “And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.” How many would like peace in their homes and families? 5. And, fifth, five minute families, we must apply the knowledge of the armor of God to our parenting. As Proverbs 20:7 states, “A righteous person who walks in his integrity— How blessed are his sons after him.” We have the opportunity to establish an amazing legacy of righteousness that comes with blessings. We hope your heart is towards your family and your desire is for their good - not just blessed physically but also spiritually. Our hearts must demonstrate righteous truths - if we seek His kingdom and allow Him to guide us in the paths of His righteousness, He will provide all that we need, whether we are in moments of
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Welcome back to our Key Truths for Families series. Today, we will focus on the concept of Truth as found in Ephesians chapter 6 as Paul describes the full armor of God. Verse 14 begins, “Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist” To be honest, when I think about a suit of armor I do not think about a belt as part of that suit. I usually think of something more like a knight in shining armor. At the time of the writing of Ephesians what Roman soldiers wore would have been well known. The belt bound the whole armor together. Another way to say that would be that everything would fall apart without the belt. For the lives of Christ-followers to be effective, we must be standing and ready, held together with the binding foundation of truth. One of the greatest questions we can ask is "what is truth?" Pontius Pilate asked that in John 18 when talking to Jesus. So, we examine that same question. What is truth and how can we embrace truth in our families? We echo Steve Austin in his statement “There is only one truth: God's perspective.” It is our natural inclination to see things simply as we see them - our eyes, our perspectives. Yet, our perspectives are influenced by many factors and can change. Our eyes can deceive us because our individual perspectives only allow us to see a situation from one original viewpoint. That viewpoint, however, is not the only perspective. So, as a five-minute family committed to glorifying the Lord and caring for one another, we must choose to engage in a process of thinking through all of life’s circumstances - the good and the bad - through the vantage point of God’s perspective which is THE Truth. We must: 1. First, examine what binds us together. Does your family regularly go to church, participate in Bible study, or encourage daily devotionals? If you do not already have a family habit of examining God’s word, begin with reading five verses a day or discussing the sermon for five minutes each Sunday afternoon. Let your truth seeking grow from there. 2. Second, we must review what is our perspective based on. Some families have faced trial after trial, and it can be hard to see the good in any aspect of life. Remember that your perspective is not the ultimate true perspective. For example, Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery; then he was falsely accused of inappropriate behavior and forgotten in jail for years. His perspective COULD have been that life is awful and he was worthless, but God’s perspective - which is ultimate Truth - was that Joseph was being prepared for the redemption and saving of God’s people. 3. Third, in John 14:6 God reveals that Jesus is truth. Jesus specifically says, “I am the way the truth and the life.” If your family is not certain of this truth, we highly encourage you to find trusted, godly mentors that can help walk you through the tough questions and concerns you have. God is Truth, so your doubts and skepticism do not scare Him. He wants to reveal the answers to you. Keep seeking together. 4. Fourth, you must be aware that truth is under attack and be proactive. When your thinking or actions begin to be misaligned from God’s Truth, you need to check your belt. There are many out there that do not want you to walk in the truth. Your sin and failures feed their evil and their selfish desires. As a family, resolve to pray together, talk together, and walk together in Truth - God’s Truth - not your perspective. Praying together and discussing God’s word daily helps to be able to more quickly and easily identify falsehoods that get hurled at us. 5. And, finally, speak the truth in love - God is perfectly balanced in holiness and love; we will fail, but we need to try. When someone in the family or in our biblical community is walking through life only using his or her perspective for guidance, he or she will fail. When we see that, we must remember that it is God’s truth we need to speak...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are continuing in Ephesians chapter 6. So far we have highlighted how families need to know that their esteem is in Christ and not solely in ourselves and that there are battles all around us but those battles are not against each other but against principalities and powers, things that get us off track from putting our faith in connecting to the Lord for strength and encouragement. How do we construct our lives and families to follow the guidance we see Paul teaching here? We get the answer to that question in Ephesians 6:13 - “Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.” We have said this before: when you see a ‘therefore’ in Scripture, it should make you ask, ‘what is it there for?’ The use of the word ‘therefore’ tells us that we should reflect on what we just heard and be prepared to learn something new. Five-minute families, we should not base our lives on our feelings, which can change quite quickly given different circumstances and situations, but rather we base our lives in the words and concepts that God provides. Here in Ephesians He is providing a way to deal with circumstances and situations in a resilient, definitive way, bringing strength and stability, no matter what is happening around us. Thus, how do we prepare our hearts and families for what God has prepared for us. 1. First, verse thirteen says to ‘take up the full armor of God.’ We will expand on the multiple pieces of the armor in the next several FMF devotions, but it begins with "taking up," an intentional choice and a decision to move forward. Lead your family in the right direction - God's direction. 2. Next, we must ‘be able to resist.’ Know that when you focus on God and not your own understanding, you will be successful. You will be able to resist the temptations and trials that you face. Promote faith that even when you feel weak, He is strong, and you are victorious through Jesus. 3. Third, we ‘recognize the evil day approaches.’ Life is complicated and difficult much of the time. We need to recognize those struggles but not give the struggles more power than God. He is superior! 4. Fourth, we are to ‘do everything.’ That can sound overwhelming to think we may miss something in the midst of our struggles or temptations, but God gives us many tools, even a whole set of armor we can choose to wear. Doing everything is laid out right before us, and we have the opportunity to allow God's already-provided plans to play out for us. 5. Finally, God’s word in Ephesians 6 verse 13 tells us to ‘stand firm.’ We can be prepared, immovable, and victorious because we have taken the necessary steps to ensure our success. Those steps are not in our power, but in the grace of God that empowers us through Him. A great illustration would be from John 15 - He is the vine and we are the branches. We must abide and stand firm in Him. Take up, resist, recognize, do, and stand… those are all active verbs. God is telling us in this scripture that we are to be active participants in what He calls us to in this world. He could do all of it without us, but He wants to partner with us. He knows what will work and what won’t. He is the expert, and He tells us to be involved and be active - Take up, resist, recognize, do, and stand. We are not to passively sit around and do nothing. Even in periods of waiting, God wants us to be active in His word and in the application of His word. The amplified version states Ephesians 6:13 this way: “Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious].” Our heart here at Clear View Retreat is to see families transformed as they learn and apply God’s relationship...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. It’s good to be back with you this morning. For those of you new to hearing us, we are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. If you want to learn more about our ministry, please check us out at clearviewretreat.org. We are continuing our series - Key Truths for Families - using Ephesians chapter 6 as our guide. We encourage you to read this passage with your family and discuss these many points together. Today, our focus verse is Ephesians 6:12 - “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” What do we see in the world today? Major headlines from around the globe are filled with strife and conflict with people battling against each other. Many times those conflicts are not on individual levels but caused by ideas, principles, and misinformation that distort our beliefs on who we are as people living in the world together. Some days I feel like David, strong and ready to take on the giant Goliath. Most days, however, I act like his brothers and other Israelites who cower before a taunting and brutish giant, forgetting that God is much bigger than what we see as huge. Is David’s fight against Goliath or is his fight against the breakdown of God’s truth and love? God’s greater story is that we fight against the breakdown of faith in the face of fear and persecution. The principalities and powers questioned the power of God, and so do we. It doesn’t take much for our beliefs to get off track and start heading in the wrong direction, especially when there is a plethora of influences that put the pressure against believing God’s truths and challenges our beliefs. These pressures sometimes come in the form of a giant, like Goliath, but more often, they are subtle and brought in by the world very slowly. So, how can we encourage each other for the battles ahead? 1. First, we must look for God's greater story by talking with our families, and bringing God into more conversations. For example, choose an issue and begin to look at it from different perspectives. Ask questions, be graceful in your response, and make sure you highlight God’s perspective. 2. Second, we need to recognize the fight is not against the people around us, especially our families. Sure, people will frustrate us and cause hurts, but we must realize that the basis of those hurts are often grounded in distorted beliefs, worldly thinking and forces of darkness that pit us against each other. Resist the temptation to fight those we see right in front of our faces. 3. Next, we should encourage speaking the truth in love. Some of the principles we fight find their way into our identity, and it can be difficult to separate the false belief from how we see others and ourselves. God gives us the truth and proper perspective, but if our loved one is looking at the situation from a different perspective, he or she may feel threatened. 4. Five minute families, we must allow each one to grow and change. We cannot keep simply seeing the outside and thinking their thoughts and beliefs are the same. God brings about a heart transformation that sometimes takes more time for the outside appearance and behaviors to fully match. 5. And, finally, as we demonstrate how to battle not against each other but against the weapons of the enemy, we each need to recognize our own hang-ups. What are you holding onto that needs to be replaced with God's grace? Allow God to open your eyes and hearts to his leading. This past Sunday, our church hosted the Lakeside Singers who sang a song titled “Almost.” The premise was that the saddest word in our language is not “goodbye” but “almost.” As in, I almost called and apologized. I almost sent a card to the judgmental and mean but now sick and hurting church member. I almost shared the banana bread I baked with my...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. I was struck by a discussion we had in our Sunday School class the other day about self-esteem, and it made me think about key concepts we must pass onto our families that are crucial for their well-being and growth in Christ. I was drawn to Ephesians chapter 6 and from there we will build our next series: “Key Truths for Families.” Let’s start with a discussion about self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.” Society tells us: “You can do it!” “Pull yourself up by your boot straps.” “Bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan!” Basically, society says that Americans live in the land of opportunity and you can do anything you put your mind and energies towards. Our culture tries to instill self-esteem into our children while also undermining it from numerous angles (though, that’s a discussion for another time.) For now, however, we as parents need to build our children up and motivate them. Buuut, do you want to be the voice your family and friends hear - in your own strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and trials? OR, would you want that voice to be Jesus? We propose that five-minute families bring their emphasis to Christ-esteem instead of self-esteem. Christ-esteem is respect and admiration for the work Christ completed on the cross AND that He has said that He came to give us life and life abundant. Having Christ-esteem is trusting in the work He is doing in the heart and lives of His people so that we may glorify Him while He works out all things for our ultimate good. One big question we all face in life is: who am I? Our identity shapes and defines us, and our identity directly impacts our self-esteem. Our beliefs are the very core of our being - our identity - and we use those beliefs to guide us through life. Mostly, those beliefs are subconscious and are often molded by subtle influences that build up over time. Take a professional athlete as an example. They push and strive for making themselves better. It is said it takes 10,000 hours of training to obtain the skills of a professional. Athletes must have confidence in their ability to win and achieve their dreams, but they also have coaches who invest in their training, whom they must trust to guide them to successful outcomes. What a great opportunity we have to boost esteem in ourselves and our families. But, how do we do that? Is it simply having family time consistently? How much time do we spend? Do we make sure we compliment our children often to make them feel confident about who they are? How many compliments are needed to build self-esteem? Do we believe in innate talent or invest extensively in training? Five-minute families, again, we must realize that our families do not need more self-esteem; we need more Christ-esteem. Paul says in Ephesians 6:10, "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of HIS might." So, to cultivate Christ-esteem, you must: 1. Recognize God's strength in yourself. As a believer you have the power of the Holy Spirit in you and you are sealed by that Spirit. As Ephesians 6:10 says, be strong in the Lord. 2. Recognize that your strengths can be a detriment to your ultimate purpose in life, which should be to glorify God. Self-esteem and your natural abilities can make you more reliant on yourself alone. Do you give God praise and credit for His creating you? Are your strengths drawing you closer to Christ and your family or farther away? 3. Focus on transformation and renewing your mind. Prayerfully consider where God has you and where God wants you to be. Take those thoughts about your strengths versus God’s strengths to heart and allow His word to permeate and transform you. 4. Encourage others in their walk through the strength God has given you. In many teaching areas, there is a learning technique: “see one, do one, teach one.” To help...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! This past weekend we hosted a marriage retreat here at Clear View Retreat. Marriage retreats are so restful and rejuvenating. Why does a family camp ministry such as ours spend time hosting marriage retreats? Because a strong, godly marriage is the foundation of a strong, godly family just as we said in the three-part series about marriage we did last year. The great thing about spending time with other couples, whether they are in a norm or storm of life - is that we get to glean new ways of applying God’s relationship principles. This weekend one wife shared how she really liked how her husband had begun asking her “Stop. Start. Continue.” questions. I had never heard of that. A quick internet search shows several websites that focus on team building activities, such as one called Retrium. That site describes this communication skill this way: “Start Stop Continue is a simple technique for an action-oriented retrospective meeting.” In a marital relationship, we should never run our conversations like the Board room; however, we want to take this concept that has been researched and used successfully in team building and current business management practices and relate it to the family unit. Communicating with one another is at the heart of all relationships. And, communicating effectively can be hindered by many things. No matter how much we study our spouse in order to deepen our relationship, we cannot read their minds. We might get pretty good at reading their nonverbal communication and thus it seems we are good at reading their minds, but it just isn’t actually possible. We are not God. One way for a couple to simplify communication when there are many distractions around is to adopt the “Stop. Start. Continue.” method of giving and receiving feedback. Of course, please remember this great biblical principle from Colossians 4:6 before you just simply let your feedback fly: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” So, onto the particulars of “Stop. Start. Continue.” Stop Ask your loved one, “In our relationship, what would you like me to stop doing?” Make sure that you each understand if the action being stopped is to be temporary or permanent. If you are confused by your loved one’s answer, it is ok to ask further questions as to why or how. Make sure, however, that you do not get offended or that if you begin to feel offended, you ask for either clarification or a break from the conversation to pray about the hurt. We are not to lie to one another, so if your family member is asking you to stop something, you need to be open to receiving their honest answer. Start Next, ask your spouse, “What would you like me to start doing?” Proverbs 25:11 tells us that “[a] word spoken at the right time is like gold apples in silver settings.” When your spouse asks, take this opportunity, this “right time” to be transparent about something you would like your spouse to do for you. Continue Now, ask your spouse, “What would you like me to continue doing?” Applying Proverbs 16:23: “The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth; it adds learning to his speech.” we see that we have a chance to build up and give encouragement to our spouse when they have been doing something well. Two great “But God” truths that should be foundational in all of our relationships that join well with the three points of the “Stop. Start. Continue.” technique are: 1. We must think well of our spouse because God is in them. When two people are walking with the Lord, indwelled with the Holly Spirit, truly, the best in them is God. So, as you look on your loved one, remember that you are looking upon one of God’s children. 2. And, remember to think well of yourself. We are often toughest on ourselves, but God lives in us as Christ-followers and while we may need...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Did you know that every year May 18th is celebrated as the national No Dirty Dishes Day? Apparently, according, to ‘time and date dot com,’ it is “a day you could celebrate by either not washing any dirty dishes or by washing all the dishes you can!” Some families we know never go to sleep without a fully clean kitchen; others are washing dishes as they are needed. Either way, routine rules how you clean (or don’t clean) your dishes, and routine versus rut is what we want to discuss today. As our pastor discussed the end of Mark chapter 10 and the blind beggar who sat every day on the side of the road, he mentioned how we should not get into ruts in our lives, especially in our relationship with the Lord. He used the words rut and routine interchangeably. I agree with the rut part but not the routine part, especially as a mom. A rut is “a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.” We all get into ruts; Collins Dictionary says, “If you say that someone is in a rut, you disapprove of the fact that they have become fixed in their way of thinking and doing things, and find it difficult to change.” Basically, we can all agree that ruts are bad. Ruts are not routines, however. Routines allow a family to consistently get needed tasks done. Jesus kept the routine of going to the synagogue as seen in Luke 4:16. Routines allow us to keep the family home organized, help everyone to know what is expected of them, and keep us from getting complacent or lazy. As one of our kids said, “Having no routine is not good because you never know what is going to happen next.” Research shows that children feel more secure and stable when their lives have routine. So, how do we distinguish between rut and routine, especially for the family members who love spontaneity? Ask yourselves these questions: 1. Have healthy choices flown out the window? 2. Are you simply satisfied and unwillingly to change things? 3. Are you making any progress toward your goals? 4. Or, have you failed to set goals? 5. And, finally, do your family members get frustrated with you for your unwillingness to be flexible? If you are in a rut or simply lacking in routine, start with the five-minute family five-minute concept. Just as we suggest you begin investing in your family five minutes a day, invest in your routines five minutes a day. To establish good routines that are rut-resistant, here are our five suggestions: 1. Don’t make everything routine, especially if you have someone in the family who loves surprises and enjoys changing things up. Choose only those necessary tasks that will make everyone’s life run more smoothly and work on those first. And, we must recognize that ruts are never good in our relationship with Christ, so make sure routines enhance your family’s Christian growth. 2. Discuss with each family member when they feel most inspired or energetic. Allow for personal differences, and plan certain routines around each person’s peak times if possible. For example, we homeschool. One of my sons hates algebra and he also hates mornings. He learns more and is less argumentative if I let him start his algebra later in his school day. 3. Make small changes to establish a new routine. For instance, instead of making an entire new schedule for the day, choose one time of day and focus there; you could choose to get a good bedtime routine in place to help with both bedtime AND the following morning rush. When you accomplish that, congratulate yourselves and celebrate together. 4. Make a plan but allow for flexible time changes and day restructuring. Another homeschooling example is that I follow the same routine for each child’s subjects. However, one of...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. This week we are finishing our series “Cultivating Grit.” We have discussed necessary elements of grit with how to ‘welcome no’ instead of fighting against it and with how to ‘work through disappointments’ by reframing those experiences. Those two elements alone will help your children and yourselves to deal with life and keep moving forward in a positive way. Yet, just like all processes, there is more to grit than these two parts. Grit is the culmination of passion, resilience, hope, perseverance, and more. The final portion of APA Dictionary of Psychology definition of grit that we started last week ends with: “Recent studies suggest this trait may be more relevant than intelligence in determining a person’s high achievement. For example, grit may be particularly important to accomplishing an especially complex task when there is a strong temptation to give up altogether.” Psychology Today uses the analogy of a marathon versus a sprint to describe grit. Christ-followers can recognize the characteristic of grit illustrated in 1 Corinthians 9:24-26 -- “Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. They do it to receive a perishable crown, but we an imperishable crown. So I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air.” In all of life, setting goals is important, both short term and long term ones. As we discussed in our last two weeks, we will encounter setbacks in reaching our goals just as Jesus told us we would in John 16:33. A saying we used to have hanging on our homeschool classroom wall said, “You never fail until you stop trying.” So, we must make sure that we prepare our children and ourselves for success by cultivating grit in these five ways 1. Explore the purpose of the activity you are involved in. Ask yourself, “why am I doing this?” And, when appropriate, begin helping your child explore why he or she chooses to do the activities they choose. Sometimes, the answer is, “because I have to.” And, if that is the case, make sure everyone realizes that this is a part of life. 2. Practice doing something again and again in order to become better at it; make sure you are following procedures and rules, if applicable. If a coach or mentor is available, don’t be shy about asking for guidance. 3. Focus on effort, not just accomplishments. Receiving straight a’s is great but it is not the most important thing. Make sure your children know that their efforts matter, and even if they receive a ‘c’ but they tried their hardest, you are proud of them. Of course, challenges help us keep pushing, so encourage them to keep at it and review along the way. 4. And, related to number 3 is this: Praising one another is good, but remember to praise the process. If one of your children is naturally talented in an area and is able to succeed with very little effort, he or she will not have the same level of grit as your child who has had to struggle and keep working hard to achieve the same level of success. One child is not better than the other. Celebrate the differences and celebrate the accomplishments. 5. And, finally, find your passion. Just as we mentioned in #1 that we must stick with things even if we simply must do them, we must always remember that finding what we can be passionate about is so important to withstanding some of the disappointments and being able to cultivate an attitude of grit. If you don’t know your passion, pray. Remember that Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Shoo, it feels like we could have made two or three more five-minute family devos to explore even more the concept of cultivating grit in
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. It’s a new month and yet another chance to begin making changes that will impact your family for generations to come. Every day choices become lifetime legacies, and so we encourage you to continue to cultivate grit in yourself and your family for the sake of God’s work in you and through you. Let’s continue to breakdown the concept of grit. As we mentioned last week, grit can also be called resilience. The APA Dictionary of Psychology definition of grit is that it is “a personality trait characterized by perseverance and passion for achieving long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously to overcome challenges and maintaining effort and interest over time despite failures, adversities, and plateaus in progress.” Joseph - Jacob’s eleventh son - was resilient. He showed true grit despite his circumstances. Joseph had been given visions from God and he trusted in God’s plans - even when his older brothers sold him into slavery, even when Potiphar’s wife lied about him, even when he was forgotten for years in prison… he held fast to the truth about God, not the world of circumstances at the moment. Because of his trust in God, he exhibited the characteristics needed to face the disappointments that were thrown at him. So, how does a five-minute family work through disappointments in order to glorify the Lord? 1. First, you have to fully acknowledge your hurts and disappointments. We cannot work through them if we do not want to admit they exist. There are numerous verses which demonstrate the hurt and pain the biblical heroes of old faced; one such beginning is found in Psalm 42:3, “My tears have been my food day and night.” Allow your child to recognize those disappointments and speak about them. Allow yourself to do the same. 2. Second, remember that being disappointed isn’t being unfaithful to your belief in God’s greater purpose and plan. Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” He knows we will face disappointments, and He isn’t surprised by them. 3. Third, remind yourself and your child about God’s view of them and you, not what the failure or disappointment might be causing you to think. YOU are not a disappointment. The situation may be, but the person is NOT. As Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 4. Next, you must shift perspectives and review whether your beliefs or thoughts set you up for this disappointment with unrealistic expectations. Our beliefs lead our thoughts which, in turn, lead our actions. As Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on YOUR OWN understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” 5. And, finally, discuss why the disappointment might be a good thing. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 reminds us that though we may be afflicted in every way, we are not crushed. We may be perplexed but not driven to despair. We may be persecuted but we are not forsaken, and we may be struck down, but we are not destroyed. Disappointments can be challenges that lead us to trust God more and look to Him continually for our purposes, or we can let them allow us to conform ourselves to the world and its standards. Its standards of having to fight to win, the world’s standards of success in all areas is all that matters, the world’s standard that a good leader or worthy person must have never face disappointments along the way… but that just isn’t true. Isaiah 40:29 says, “God gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” Humans don’t always give God the glory when we think we have done all the work ourselves, but when we allow Him to guide us, renew us, repurpose and transform us, then we can see the good and give him the glory. We...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you have grit? No, we don’t mean gritty floors or grit in your eye. We mean the character trait of perseverance, effort, and passion for a particular goal in life. Grit is the buzzword right now. It was once “stick-to-it-ness” or even simply resilience. Whatever you call it, one way that you and your family can cultivate grit is to ‘welcome no.’ n. o. What does ‘welcome no’ really mean for a biblical family? First, let’s read Matthew 5:37, “But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.” The Bible tells us that our no should mean no, which means that no is not an evil word. Hear us, parents. No is not an evil word. Your kids might think it is, but it is not. If you want your kids to be able to accomplish their goals in life, you are going to have to use the backbone God gave you. Likewise, you have to seek God’s perspective in applying an attitude of ‘welcoming no’ in your home. Philippians 4:6 tells us, “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Just as when we pray, we can hear one of three answers back from the Lord - yes, no, or not right now, as Christ-followers, we must be in His word so that we can rightly discern the ‘no’ from the ‘not right now.’ As a five-minute family, we can honor the Lord by ‘welcoming no’ so that we stay within God’s will always. To cultivate grit, parents, you must give yourself permission to say no. Many parents can be persuaded to change their minds, which means that the kiddos keep coming back and pushing until you change your mind. You are not teaching them perseverance by giving in. Yes, when a young lady entered the Miss USA contest seven years in a row, she was told no six times, but she came back only within the guidelines of the rules and next year’s competition. Teach your children when they may ask about something again. Talk with them at non-stressful times about how and when they should approach you to try again. Perseverance requires accepting hard no’s sometimes, and it requires coming back in the right times other times. Five things to remember as we learn how to ‘welcome no’ as a family are: 1. Parents, we are not to exasperate our children as Colossians 3:21 says because we do not want our children to lose heart, which means we need to evaluate whether we need to say yes more often. Do not say no out of habit, frustration, or laziness. If you can say yes, then do so. 2. Have reasonable consequences when your child has not accepted no well. Think through the times your child is having the most difficulty accepting no and be proactive in preparing your child for what the rules are and what the consequences may be. And, as always, make sure that your consequences are age appropriate. 3. Realize that, no matter their age, when you say no, your child is facing true disappointment. Do not downplay the emotions of your children. Acknowledge the disappointment and then address the disappointments at the appropriate times and explain how your child can work through disappointments, which we will discuss more about the next time we are together. 4. Evaluate your own ability to accept a ‘no’ answer. Have your children heard you spout off about a boss that didn’t let you do something you wanted to do? Demonstration is the heart of parenting, so be mindful of your own “welcoming no’ behaviors. 5. ‘No’ allows your child to learn delayed gratification. No screens until practice is complete is one example. Delayed gratification is important for patience, self-regulation, and impulse control, all of which help to improve kiddos’ school scores, ability to handle stress, and social skills. ‘Welcoming no’ can be a win-win situation for you and your child, but you must be willing to say it. As...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! Do your kids ask you to tell them jokes? What about riddles? Riddles are especially fun because of the play on words. How do you make a library bigger? How? Add another story. English grammar fascinates me. Word use and history, sentence structure and syntax. All of it. And, recently, we have read a few articles that dive into the history and use of the word y’all and its regional siblings of ‘you ‘uns’ and ‘you guys.’ The study of these words and their usage is fun. And, since the word ‘you’ is the technically correct word for both the single AND plural in English, applying these regional plural uses of the word ‘you’ can help us better understand biblical texts because the original Greek used in what became the New Testament Scripture had both a singular and plural version of ‘you.’ As Ryan Martin of The Gospel Coalition points out, Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” and 1 Corinthians 3:16 states, “Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?” In both of these passages, the ‘you’ is the plural form in the original Greek, not the singular, though we often apply them in singular contexts. In Corinthians God is addressing the divisions within the Corinthian church and how they are not properly witnessing about the oneness of God. You and y’all, him and them, she and they. Individual or Community focus. When you take a look at some small details, it can make a big difference. From an individual perspective, Jesus specifically demonstrates in Luke 19 how we are each held accountable for our own actions. Another person’s sin may affect us but it will not condemn us. Likewise, the Bible celebrates the one when Jesus tells the parable of leaving the 99 sheep to find the one. From a community focus, we see in Acts 2 how the believers shared all they had willingly with one another. There are also well over one hundred one anothering verses. We are to be in community and take care of each other. As you can see, individualism and collectivism are both presented positively in the Bible. As we have said many times, our earthly lives are about finding balance. Ultimately, we are not to live for others always or live for self always. We are to live to glorify God always and love Him forever, which means at times we will focus on others and at times we will focus on ourselves which is the true proper balance with God as the guide and foundation. Ok, so what does all this mean for the Five Minute Family? Well, it means that we need to understand the difference of individual application of Scripture AND biblical community application of Scripture, which, remember, biblical community starts in the family. We cannot read the Bible from our own personal perspectives; we must look to see what God wants us to learn through His perspective. To kick off a study about the biblical ‘you’ and ‘y’all’ occurrences we suggest: 1. Discuss the ‘me-first’ mindset so many Americans have today. Globally, many cultures, and even subcultures in America, are more communally focused. 2. Choose a few passages that use the word ‘you.’ Pay attention to context and guess whether you each think the passage is about the individual you or the group you. 3. Ask your kids what they think changes about a passage if it is ‘you’ singular or ‘y’all’ plural. 4. Study the original language together. One great resource we use often is the Blue Letter Bible. It doesn’t have to be an overly involved study. Just simply click the interlinear tool to see if the singular or plural version of ‘you’ is being used and see if your guess based on context was correct. 5. Review Philippians 2:3-4 together. Different versions convey the sentiment with words such
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. I saw a social media post the other day that said, “Fight FOR your family, not WITH your family.” That sentiment is one of the reasons we bring you this devotional spot each week. We want to empower you with practical skills and suggestions to better engage with your family through the norms and storms of life. With some recent health issues, not including but complicated by the pandemic, we began to contemplate more in-depth the concept of exhaustion. Did you know that there are different types of exhaustion? And, yes, the kids can feel them too. Often, with our kiddos, we think a good nap will fix it all, and occasionally it does, but the reality is that each if us reaches different types of exhaustion at different times, and we need to be mindful of one another. Just to quickly list the five types of exhaustion we are discussing briefly today, they are: Physical Mental Emotional Social and Purpose-lost Let’s think about Elijah. In 1 Kings 19 we see that after he had prophesied for the Lord for years, through famine, battles, and drought, his life was threatened. He reached his limit. He became fearful and exhausted. What type of exhausted? Well, while the Bible doesn’t explicitly say, but we know the angel of the Lord gave him food to keep his energy up for a forty-day trip, so he was likely physically exhausted. He slept - an extra awful lot - so he was probably mentally exhausted. Yet again, he had been the Lord’s demonstration of His awesome power, and still the people rejected God and him, so he was likely dealing with emotional and purpose-lost exhaustions. And, finally, the people he had been trying to reach day in and day out for all of his ministry as well as the people who fought against daily would have easily caused him to reach a level of social exhaustion. So, families, what does all this mean for us? How do we apply that to our everyday lives? Let’s think through five common areas families face. 1. Stereotypical bedtime battles - Children are sometimes afraid of missing out on the fun so they will get themselves into a place of physical exhaustion that is difficult to combat. Having a consistent bed time and bedtime routine will help tremendously for everyone to deal with physical exhaustion. 2. Tantrums - (and just so we are clear, we will use toddlers for this example but don’t forget that we adults are guilty of tantrums, too) Tantrums usually come from a place of emotional exhaustion. A nap won’t cause emotional hurts to disappear. When a loved one is emotionally exhausted, allowing them to share what’s on their heart, even if their tone isn’t at its kindness, can help. Also, work to identify the emotion being felt and figure out what is needed to lead to a calmer and more logical skill set of dealing with the problem. 3. Illnesses - When someone in the family is sick, physical and emotional exhaustions are obviously happening, but mental exhaustion may be overlooked. We gather information, sort through the important parts, plan appointments and family schedules, and keep track of medications. Mental exhaustion, or burnout, must be addressed, even in the midst of the illness. Take time for breaks using relaxation techniques and seeking counseling if needed. Also, you can keep a gratitude journal and focus your mind on prayer. 4. Natural personality differences - Are you a family of introverts, extroverts, or mixed? Being considerate and mindful of these natural differences is important. One is not better than the other, but everyone has to be flexible. As a family, you must plan social interactions with everyone in mind. For the extroverts, the social interactions need to be frequent and meaningful to avoid social exhaustion, and for the introverts, you must allow boundaries for how often and to what extent they must participate to avoid...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. This past Sunday was Easter. We saw a video that used the forward and back way of describing Good Friday. The first reading forward exemplified the disillusion and confusion that the death of Christ brought to those who were observing, but the second reading backward put the truth of the Cross in proper perspective. Likewise, both Sunday school and the sermon focused in on John 20. Verse 8 tells us that John reached the tomb first, paused, then went in, saw the empty tomb, and believed. John saw and then believed. I have struggled for ten years to come to terms with the crisis of faith I had when our son died. God is faithful, always faithful, even when we are not. This past Sunday morning I considered the concept that John saw and then believed. As I pondered that, I was filled with God’s peace about the disillusion and confusion I had felt when our son died. I didn’t realize that I had held a false belief that if I lived a good life for God that I would be rewarded with good things - not material things - but good relationships and good results from my endeavors. In our son Jedidiah’s death, God was showing me His power, His grace, and His purposes. Our son’s short life had a purpose and made an impact. It changed me, and that impact in me affects every life I have the opportunity to touch: my husband, my children, the grocery store clerk, the families that come to CVR, and on. The disciples did not yet understand the old testament scriptures that Jesus had quoted them. They did not understand what He had so often alluded to before His death on the cross. Peter and John both saw the miracle of Jesus’s being gone from the tomb, but they still left. Peter saw, left, and wondered while John saw, believed, and still left. The ones who walked with Jesus still needed Him to show Himself. Please don’t get us wrong. We are not throwing away verses like Hebrew 11:1 that states, “Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” God has revealed Himself through the Scripture, and we can learn many aspects of Him without having to have empirical proof. But, we all struggle somewhere. We all have moments of needing to put God’s Words in action in our lives. We all have more that we can understand about the word of God. Before our son’s death, I believed by faith that God existed, I believed by faith He sent His son to die for my sins, and I believed by faith that He rose again. The day our son died, a part of me ceased to exist. And, God knew that I was empty in the deep recesses of my heart, that my faith would waiver, and that I was being torn apart. He allowed me to see so much of His power (and He continues to do so) so that my belief in Him would become stronger and stronger. Just as the disciples felt let down, bewildered, and lost when Jesus died, I felt let down, bewildered, and lost when our son died. Yet, Jesus loved me (and you) enough to suffer and die so that when we are faced with the death of a loved one or any loss or challenge, you and I can have hope. So, if you find yourself in a crisis of faith and you are waiting for God to show you something, we encourage you to do the following: 1. Allow yourself to fully feel what you are going through. Feelings should not lead us but be led by us. Denying your feelings won’t help; acknowledge them and don’t let them dominate. 2. Have the courage to ask the tough questions you are thinking. Think like a child. A child is curious and asks some tough questions. 3. Seek wise counsel. Godly men and women who have experienced heartaches and challenges will be able to listen well and guide you gently. And, as always, please be discerning in who you seek out for counsel. 4. Find the root of your struggle. Do you have unmet expectations? Are you believing falsehoods? Whatever it is, ask yourself the hard questions.
If you would like to support Clear View Retreat, please check out our website for more information! TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! How wonderful it is to be with you this morning. Clear View Retreat is fully opened for the 2021 season, and we are excited for this upcoming year. If you have interest in attending a Family Camp or Marriage Retreat, or any of the other ministry events we host, please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. Have you ever tried to put a puzzle together without a picture for reference? It is tough. Most of us will give up. Sometimes, the Bible can seem like a puzzle with no picture reference, especially for kiddos. A collection of cool stories, yes. A truth to bring comfort and purpose, yes. But, a complete picture, um, sometimes, not so much. This week in children’s church we discussed the Passover. What is so fascinating about learning about the Passover celebration meal (which is called a Seder by the way) is that the Old Testament Passover and the New Testament Communion are the combining remembrance ceremonies of the Bible. Jesus’s final Passover meal and the resulting communion ceremony help to give us that big picture reference that sometimes seems lost. For a quick history, in Exodus, God used Moses to free the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, so God’s people celebrate Passover every year to remember God’s hand of protection. Remembering where we come from is important. God specifically commanded the Israelites in Numbers, Leviticus, and more to celebrate Passover beginning on the 14th day of the month of Nisan (usually our March or April) in specific ways, which included certain foods, unleavened bread, four cups of wine, and other details. When Jesus gathered with his disciples for the Last Supper, they were celebrating Passover just as God has commanded. During His last earthly Passover meal, Jesus instructed His followers to share the wine and unleavened bread to remember him. Luke 22:19 starts it this way, “And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.’” Communion gives Christ-followers a way to gather together and remember Jesus’s saving power as well as the rich history of all that God has done throughout history. So, as a five-minute family wanting to apply God’s word, Passover offers many teaching opportunities to build biblical knowledge, engage in family discipleship, and have some great educational fun. Our top five suggestions for applying this biblical truth in your home are: 1. Instead of simply reading long scripture passages, keep the verse selection short and simple. Maybe focus on acting out one or two parts within the big picture. There are great online scripts for a quick, entertaining living room play. Wear bathrobes, shawls, and sandals to pretend to be the Israelites. 2. Prepare the Seder meal foods together. Use the preparation time to discuss the importance of the different elements. This will help keep the actual dinner a little shorter for younger children. Something to note: Lamb meat with bone in is expensive, so see about substitutes. If funds are especially tight, you could find a coloring sheet of a Seder plate to print out and discuss as you color together. 3. Eat the Seder meal together. For families with younger kids, you might opt to keep everything short and do a quick sampling, but if your family is able, you can make a full dinner out of it. Again, you can keep this meal as simple as you would like. The key elements are pita bread or matzah, hard-boiled egg, charoset, a piece of parsley, lamb or chicken for the meat, and grape juice. 4. Depending on the ages of children, choose only one item to discuss in depth and let the other parts simply be there. Yes, that could become a multi-year commitment, but those...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Here’s a question for you, how did you do with examining your own heart for coveting thoughts and evaluating your coveting behavior? God can and will do great and mighty things when we place our trust in Him to bring the items and relationships we need in the moment. So, as you work on that, let’s examine how you can help your whole family keep the tenth commandment. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male slave, or his female slave, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17 Last week we defined coveting as excessively desiring something that belongs to someone else and dwelling on the wanting of it for your own. Tara Tegard of ministry-to-children.com has a more kid-friendly definition: “To covet means to want something selfishly, without caring about what others think or feel.” For example, your child may not play with a toy for weeks, months, or even years, but as soon as a sibling plays with that toy and has fun, whoa, nelly… here comes the fight. The first child is coveting the joy that his or sibling is having with that forgotten treasure. The child may speak rudely, grab, hit, and more to get the toy back. Yes, it is an easy illustration, but it is the type of coveting we parents see every day. Children have trouble understanding that having what someone else has does not always bring about the same happiness or joy we see them experience. We all forget too often that God owns everything, as it is said in Psalms 50:10, “For every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.” There is enough for each of us. As Lili from The Bottom Line said, “We want good things, for our children, for others, and for ourselves. But if we covet, we will do things, ungodly things, to attain that which we [feel we] must have. We are in danger of replacing God with that ‘thing’ we [feel we] must have.” Thus, we must consider our family habits… does your family typically pass time by just going shopping? We are not talking about your weekly grocery store trip or back-to-school shopping. We are asking… do you shop for things to fill a void - shop for things you don’t need or maybe even only think you need? Or, perhaps on the flip side, you never let your kids have things that they desire; you operate specifically on a needs-only basis. Sometimes, financial situations may warrant that approach, and we need to be open and honest with our kids, age-appropriately of course, about the family’s financial situation, but for the most part, the reality is that life on this earth is about balance. The only things that we can never overdo are loving God, studying His word, and doing good works in His name. And, now, here are five practical suggestions about how to help kids work through covetous thoughts and behaviors: 1. Give your children chores to do - no matter how old they are. There are numerous websites out there that have age-appropriate chores. Please check them out. 2. Practice talking through thankfulness and gratitude every evening with your children. Susan Rhoads points out that “The Oxford Dictionary defines the word grateful as “showing an appreciation of kindness.” This is where the difference lies; being thankful is a feeling, and being grateful is an action.” 3. Encourage your child to give away some of their own ‘good condition’ items to those in need or to go shopping with you for those in need. 4. Allow your child to work for desired items. Help them to see the value and rewards of hard work. And, finally, 5. When your child becomes upset about something that he or she cannot have, talk through whether the item will bring lasting joy. Last week Kim and I both wanted to address the concepts of happiness versus joy, but...
If you would like to support the work we do with families, please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has this past week treated you? We have had many things hit the calendar in the past few days, so our busy level has elevated. Many families live life in a constant state of “busy.” They almost wear “busy” as a badge of honor. One reason busy-ness is so highly valued in our society is because we are all running around trying to get the best of everything… the best home, the best shoes, the best vacations, the best experiences, etc. Stop a moment and ask yourself… are you busy because you are sinning? Stick with us here… are you busy because you are coveting and thus acting on seeking out the very things you see others have and you want? Those are some hard questions to ponder. Please realize we are not saying that coveting is not simply wanting something. Having the thought that a house you drive by is nice, and you would like to have one someday is not the sin of coveting. Coveting is excessively desiring something that belongs to someone else and dwelling on the wanting of it for your own. Again, we are not talking about wanting a new home when yours is filling with mold or wanting a new home when you can afford it and your family would benefit from extra space. Maybe you want to be able to host a church small group. However, if you want that house and THEN that want becomes a sinful thought pattern that leads you into debt, deceit, or some other pattern of sin, that is breaking the tenth commandment. To think that our desire for a new home or a new car or a new whatever is breaking one of the ten commandments can be quite sobering. Some say the tenth commandment is not the simple add-on many think it is after the big sins of murder and idolatry, but rather the tenth commandment is actually a culmination of the nine that precede it. Colossians 3:5 tells us the covetousness is idolatry. Jeremiah 6:13 tells us that covetousness can lead to lying. 2 Samuel 11 shows how covetousness can lead to adultery. Micah 2:2 tells us that covetousness can lead to theft. 1 Kings 21 illustrates how covetousness can lead to murder. So, ok, we can all agree… coveting is bad. It is an internal sin that can become an external one very quickly and very badly. But, how do we deal with it when it seeps into our family’s life? And it will seep in. Before we address what we should do about coveting as a family or how to help our kids deal with coveting, we need to address with our own covetous hearts. What about us, parents? What do we do when we are coveting? Here are five practical ideas to implement: 1. Practice being content. As Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “I have learned in whatever situation to be content.” When we begin to think of something we want, we must take an inventory of what we already have. Is what we have meeting our needs? 2. Evaluate your concept of happiness. Are you placing your happiness in things or activities that you might get to do? We need to look to Christ and glorifying God for our true, lasting happiness. Psalm 16:11 states, “You will make known to me the way of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” 3. Avoid speaking aloud your covetous thoughts. Take those thoughts captive when they are still ‘first thoughts.’ Not only should you not dwell on covetous thoughts, you should not speak them out loud. 4. Do not compare yourself to others. Obviously, that is so much easier said than done. If you have a bad habit of doing this, you need to replace that habit with a positive one. Instead of comparing yourself to others, stop the critical voice inside your head, make a list of your strengths (yes, write them down), and you might need to take a social media fast. 5. Assess...
If you would like to support the work of Clear View Retreat, please click here https://www.clearviewretreat.org/get-involved/donate/. TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. The citizens of the United States of America have been facing the realities of disunity in recent years. Of course, elements of disunity have always been there, but there are times when disunity rises to a fever-pitched and must be addressed anew. This idea of American unity and disunity got me to thinking about how a family moves forward when disunity reigns. Unity is defined as “oneness; the quality or state of being made one; or the state of those who are in full agreement.” We all know that families are not always united. We do not continuously have one purpose in mind or common interests that keep us connected. So, what can we do when we are not united or feel distinctly divided? We suggest another tactic, especially if unity seems more of a stretch in this season of your family life… Solidarity. Solidarity means providing mutual support within a group or to a particular group. Often, unity and solidarity are used interchangeably, yet I don’t think they are synonymous. Unity can simply happen with like-minded folks, but family solidarity takes a different level of intentionality. I am not talking about being angry at the person who angered your child; I am not talking about agreeing with your spouse when you completely disagree in your heart. I am talking about choosing to take a stand and support someone who is different than you, even though you may share a last name or a home. I don’t agree with everything my children do, especially my adult children, but I support them in their efforts to become God-honoring individuals. And, that is going to look a lot different for each one of them and from what I thought it would look like. But, I am committed to my family - to their well-being and to their growth, so I choose a position of solidarity. Mike Tenney suggests we consider solidarity as ‘empathy plus community.’ When we have compassion for and choose to try to understand someone else’s experience in the world, we create stronger relationships. So, how can a family create an environment of solidarity? First, if there have been hurts or difficulties, we must acknowledge what has happened and what those differences are. Instead of ignoring them, we recognize that we each have different experiences to consider. Second, we must work to establish trust (or reestablish trust if it was broken in a time of conflict). No one needs to be someone they are not, and we each need to accept that the path God will take each of us may look different. As we hold one another up in prayer, we can work to be trustworthy and honest with one another. Maybe one person in the family is liberal and another is conservative. Work together to practice listening and effective, respectful debate. That way, trust is built that each person is heard without emotions flying high. Third, let’s find something fun and outside our usual activities to do together. We need to go outside each person’s comfort zone and find something that allows us to connect. We cannot just focus on our differences. Family members can work to find something together they will enjoy, even if there are a few dud moments in the process. Fourth, if someone in the family is struggling, spend time with them. Mom or dad, maybe your teen is stressed and having a hard time cleaning her room; maybe chatting while cleaning together will help. Or, simply sitting together in the mess and allowing her to vent without feeling judged by the mess around her. You get the point. Pray and see how you can simply be together to encourage authentic communication. And, finally, sacrifice with your family member. 1 Corinthians 12:26a tells us about the church that “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” Some simple examples of sacrifice to better understand and stand...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. As the year marches forward, we turn our thoughts to the past two weeks of devotionals. All families will experience disagreements and disappointments, and even when we work through them well, we all find ourselves needing to forgive to avoid getting stuck in the pain or frustrations of those moments. You see, family members are our closest neighbors and are often armed with the ability to hurt us the most. Family can learn what will cut - and cut deeply - the quickest. Then, if one person is hurt, he or she may lash out and hurt everyone in the family. Learning to forgive is a vital skill. Matthew tells us in chapter 18 verses 21-22 that when asked how many times we should forgive one another, Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” That’s a lot. But, in a family, it is often a needed prompt. Hurts run deep, and a family member may have no idea how much they have hurt you. When it is a child hurting the parent, some parents are quick to forgive, but that does not mean we do not hurt. Sometimes, the child was not intending hurt, they were merely childish. Other times, the child was being self-centered, but, again, we parents should desire setting that example of forgiveness. In Matthew 6:14-15, the Lord tells us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” You see, forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling. And as Jim said, parents have to set the example of forgiveness, and, yes, when your children are old enough, it means that you explain the process of forgiveness. It can begin simply when you teach your child to apologize at an early age. You can have your child say (and of course fill in the blanks), “I am sorry for [blank]. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” It is funny how a young child will repeat that phrase “I am sorry for hitting you. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” for a number of months or years, depending on the child, and then all of a sudden turn to you one day and say, “what does forgive mean?” So, what does it mean to forgive? Forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense or mistake. It can also mean to cancel a debt. Secular and Christian psychologists alike “generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” 1. Acknowledge the hurt or wrong. Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Look into your heart and mind. Speak with the Lord about your hurts. Journal them or speak calmly with the offender if or when warranted. 2. Remember how God forgave you. Luke 23:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 3. Choose to forgive. Take your thoughts captive to keep from replaying the offense over and over again. How to take our thoughts captive? Identify triggers. Have a plan for replacement thoughts and activities to keep you from heading down that path of replaying offenses. 4. Begin work to repair the relationship (if needed or desired). We are not God and while we can choose to forgive, forgetting is much harder. A relationship may need counseling and skills training to learn new ways of communication or to learn new coping mechanisms. 5. Acknowledge the feelings even after the choice. Often, it will take longer for our feelings to match the choice of...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. As the weather warmed a little, we had the opportunity this past weekend to work on a couple of projects that we have been putting off. I must admit, I have been disappointed most of the winter that these projects were on hold. I was reminded every time I went outside that there were projects left undone, and we didn’t have the ability to revisit them yet. Disappointment is the sadness or displeasure that is caused by any nonfulfillment of our hopes or expectations, and disappointments come in all shapes and sizes. Now, some disappointments are easily dismissed. Ones such as “ahh, I didn’t get the dessert I wanted because they were all gone by the time I got to the dessert line.” We don’t dwell on those disappointments, yet … some disappointments accumulate, and we end up living out Proverbs 13:12 wherein hope deferred makes a heart sick. Likewise, accumulated disappointments can lead to an inactivity - an almost inability to move forward for fear that more disappointments will be around the corner. Unexpressed disappointment or unexplored disappointment may cause someone to become complacent and even comfortable in a cycle of disappointment. Oi. Disappointment can be dizzying. Parents and children alike deal with disappointments. Ever watched your child’s face after you have answered no when they ran excitedly up to you and asked for a new toy that was just advertised? Your kiddo may have thrown a fit. And, how often do we respond with something akin to “oh, stop and get over it. Throwing a fit isn’t going to get the toy for you.” Your child had a hope or expectation that something would happen and now they know it won’t. So, how can we positively, biblically, deal with disappointments? Well, we need to acknowledge the disappointment (any disappointment) and the emotions that arise from it. God may have wired our brains to process disappointments through the limbic system of the brain, which is also responsible for emotions, but He also told us to take our thoughts captive and train our minds to think His way. In neuroscience speak, that means intentionally taking the time to move the thoughts about the disappointment into our cerebral cortex. Which means, we must use reason when we face our disappointments. Yes, we need to acknowledge and fully feel our emotions from the disappointment, but we must not stay there. Five Minute parents, that means we have to help our children train their brains to move their disappointment from their emotional brain center to thinking through the process logically. And, if we aren’t in the habit of doing that, we need to practice, practice, practice doing so! We must make sure that we (and our children) learn not to attribute disappointments and negative events to personal failings, directing anger inwards on ourselves. Likewise, some folks turn their disappointment into anger directed to others, especially the person who didn’t meet their expectation. Either direction is unhealthy. As we take our concerns to the Lord, we see in Romans 12:2a we should not “conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” We must consider what we have the control to change and what we do not have the control to change. Sometimes, we are disappointed in circumstances and sometimes we are disappointed by people. Pinpointing the underlying cause and its potential solutions is extremely important in dealing with disappointment in a healthy, godly way. Unmet expectations lead to disappointment, so identify your own expectations and those of other family members. Remember, “we’re as capable of disappointing others as they are of disappointing us.” We must be ready to forgive and move forward as a family when someone has failed to fulfill an expectation. As one writer over at Bible.org stated, “When we set our hearts on people or on circumstances, we are usually disappointed. God wants us to set our hearts only on Him. He wants...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is wonderful to join you on this cold, cold morning. We have all spent much of the past year inside with way too much family time. Wait? Did we really just say too much family time? Well, ok, let’s adjust that. Maybe there is not technically too much family time, but admit it, sometimes it FEELS like that, doesn’t it? Especially when disagreements happen and there are very few physical, on-the-go distractions to give some time, space, and perspective. Families fight. We disagree and misunderstand each other and all that jazz. But, how do we RESOLVE disagreements? We cannot wallow in our anger, and we cannot become comfortable in the silence that often results as we seek to avoid further conflict. So, how does a five-minute family deal with those disagreements? Parents, the role of negotiator, mediator, or arbitrator will often fall on you. You must resolve to set good boundaries and fair practices. It can be so very exhausting if one or more of your children are more prone to conflict-producing behavior, but you need to seek the Lord’s strength and wisdom. Don’t step away from your God-given role like I tried to do once during a particularly trying period in one of our son’s lives. He seemed to live to disagree with everyone inside our home. Abdicating my role was a mistake, and I had to learn from it. We must, above all, display Christ-like character. Even when we may feel like a failure, we must intentionally choose the attitude of Christ. Philippians 2:4-5 reminds us that “each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” In all disagreements, there will be times to compromise. There will be times to collaborate, and there will be times to accommodate the other person’s needs. Remaining flexible is extremely important. 1. First, define the specific problem at hand. Now, you might see that there is a deeper, underlying issue, but try to focus on the immediate disagreement, and then, later, if there is a deeper, underlying issue, make a plan to address it when the timing is right. 2. Assess everyone’s emotional and physical needs before diving in. If a little one needs to run to the bathroom or grab a bite to eat, those will help immensely to ease the tension and allow focus. 3. Make a commitment to respect each other’s viewpoints and to recognize the importance of each family member involved in the disagreement. 4. Seek to understand the other person’s position. Mom and Dad, there may be times when you speak individually to each child in order to validate their feelings and hear them out without interruptions, and sometimes, you will need to let the kids (or each other) fully hear the other one out in order for them to better understand the other person’s perspective. Remind your children and yourselves that everyone we be listening carefully for the other person’s heart feelings and perspective, not just waiting for the other person to speak. 5. And, finally, propose a solution. Part of the solution may require forgiveness (we will be discussing forgiveness in detail in a couple of weeks). While conflict might drive the narrative in writing a good story, conflict in real life can be damaging OR it can be a teaching opportunity that motivates better communication and better relating in the future. Just like fictional writing can include conflict with the self, conflict with others, conflict with the environment, or conflict with the supernatural, conflict and disagreements in real life often are the intersection and interactions of the four. Members of the five-minute family, especially the parents, must take time to ascertain whether one of those conflicts are superseding what the disagreement really seems to be about. Please note that we know that some...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you and yours have stayed safe in this blast of snowy weather so much of the US has experienced this past week. Valentine’s Day is coming up! Who has plans for a special dinner, a nice piece of jewelry, a lovingly handcrafted item, or an extraordinary adventure? Many folks take Valentine’s Day to the next level. In fact, we have a family member whose favorite day of the entire year is Valentine’s Day (let’s hope her husband never forgets that!). So, what is Valentine’s Day really about? Within the Catholic church, there are three Saint Valentine’s in history and their stories are each different. Yet, each contains elements of bravery and kindness. We know that in the 5th century the Pope declared February 14th as Saint Valentine’s Day. Likewise, this time of year has long been celebrated in cultures around the world as one of romance. Rituals and ceremonies accompanied some of those celebrations. By 1375, a written account of celebrating romantic love on February 14th appears in historical records. So, no, Valentine’s Day is not a holiday invented by the card companies, chocolatiers, and florists of the world to make more money off of you. Sorry, guys, you can’t use that excuse anymore! Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic love or a day to celebrate relationships in general, the point is that we all have an opportunity to show love to another. God is our first, best, and ultimate example of love. The love in EVERY relationship, if founded on the unconditional example of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for us, can be a wonderful, fulfilling love that brings peace, comfort, and compassion. Our local church had a wonderful idea for celebrating Valentine’s Day this year. Each person would bring in a non-perishable food item for the church to take over to a local food drive program. In exchange, the church member would receive a box of chocolates. The kicker though… those chocolates aren’t for the church member. They are for a neighbor of the church member - a sweet way to share a quick invitation to join us at church or to open a conversation about what Jesus has done in our lives and why we share about Him. Let’s talk neighbors for a minute. Are you following Jesus’s words in Matthew 22 when He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves? Have you had a dispute with a neighbor in which you behaved in a unChristlike fashion? Have you “lost your witness,” so to speak? Maybe you don’t have a dispute with your neighbor but you don’t like how he or she keeps the yard and you are constantly irritated and, thus, not rude but truly not very kind when you get home each evening and the neighbor’s family is outside playing in the yard? Maybe you have an excellent relationship with your neighbors and feel that you can trust them to help protect your home and family. God wants us to be good neighbors and to be glorifying Him in those relationships. That is why He advises these next five things about neighbors in His word: 1. Romans 13:10 points out that love does no wrong to a neighbor. 2. Leviticus 19:18 reminds us not to take vengeance or even bear a grudge against a neighbor. 3. If Luke 6:27 tells us to do good to our enemies, how much more so should we be willing to do good to our neighbors? 4. Ephesians 4:25 says that we are not speak falsely to our neighbors. 5. And, finally for our list today, Romans 15:2 encourages us to please our neighbors for their good to build them up. Here are some practical applications of God’s ways to love your neighbors: When there is conflict, for example their dog keeps coming into your yard, go and speak with them kindly. Offer understanding and your desired solution. Be aware of differences in the seasons of life. If you have young children and live next to an aging couple who is battling cancer, taking naps
Good morning, Five Minute Families. As always we pray you are investing your time and energy into your family. If you realize that you haven’t been doing so, we encourage you to start with just five minutes a day. (hence, our name). But, please don’t stop with just five minutes a day. Once you have seen all the ways that you can quickly and easily make intentional investing in your family happen, allow that to magnify. Now, let’s jump into the final week of our “It is Well” series. We have discussed how to lead well, follow well, and grow well. We are going to end with serve well. Ultimately, Jesus came to serve, not to be served. He said himself in Luke 22, “rather, the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant. For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.” For some serving is so natural that they truly do not understand why anyone would even need to be reminded of serving other. However, we must point out that we placed ‘growing in Christ well’ before serving well on purpose. Just as Martha had to learn that service comes after gleaning God’s truth and sitting in His presence, servers-by-nature, must remember that very important lesson. Serving and growing in Christ go hand in hand, but servers often lose sight of that. If that is you and you aren’t sure who Martha is, please check out Luke chapter 10 verse 38 through 42. For many though, serving does not come naturally or easily. James 2:24 tells us, “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.” By works we show our faith. Sometimes that faith is new or uninformed, but by serving we can learn and grow. Again, growing and serving are two sides of the sanctification coin. So, how does a family serve well together? One of the first ways to serve as a family is to serve each other. Some seasons of life are “at home” seasons such as when young children or an elderly parent need constant care. Don’t discount the service opportunities that present themselves every day. Just as our recommended “five minutes a day” should become so much more, serving one another at home will progress from an intentional single ask in the morning, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” to anticipating the needs and wants of your loved ones and fulfilling them out of a heart of service. Another way to serve well together is to create a savings jar or account. Everyone can choose one luxury item to give up (mom or dad, maybe it is a café coffee for you; kiddos, maybe it is foregoing your favorite brand cereal that week; altogether, maybe you give up one regular night eating out). Place those monies together and then deliver food together to a local food bank, or if you can save enough, pay for a short-term mission together, or possibly for a member of the family to go on an international mission trip. Local nonprofits always need the gift of your time. Yes, that can sometimes be tricky with children of various ages. But, if you are diligent, you can find one (such as ours) that would welcome your whole family, no matter what age, in order to meet the needs of the folks they serve. Take a moment before grocery shopping to chat through all the ways you can brighten someone’s day, and if that someone is in front of you in line is holding it up in some way, take a moment to pray quickly, breathe deeply, and purposefully choose not to show your growing frustration. No, this isn’t an international mission trip way of serving, but, Five Minute Families, it is in the little moments we often get to reflect Jesus the most. One final suggestion would be for your family to help a neighbor in need. You can rake the leaves, mow the lawn, and leave a treat you all baked together. Of course, there are so many more ways to serve well together, but no matter what you...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Welcome to week three of our “It is Well” series. We have talked about how to lead well and how to follow well. This week we will discuss how to grow well. Growing well as a family can be seriously tough. Here’s an example. Jim left for a weekend mens’ retreat. We had a one-and-a-half-year-old and lived in another country. Our son and I hung out at home because I am a homebody, but without Papa to break up the days, by the end of the weekend, our son was fussy, and I was exhausted and stressed. When Jim got back, he wanted to share all that the Lord had done in his heart that weekend; he had had a “mountaintop” experience. I wanted to want to hear it all, but I also wanted him to understand that his absence was difficult for us; I had been in the “valley” most of the weekend. And, of course, our little one just wanted his papa’s undivided attention. My response to one of the revelations God had given Jim shut down his authentic sharing and drove us further apart for a time. A time God used for His glory and our good. We needed to grow apart a bit in order to hold tighter to God’s hand - the One who would never leave us or forsake us. The One who at the end of a long weekend apart has nothing to distract Him. What we experienced in the weeks that followed were family growing pains. While we are one in God’s eyes and even with our family focus from the beginning of our marriage, we are still individuals who struggle and need God to show up and show off in mighty personal ways. If we had not seen that God was working, we could have been resentful (well, I was for a bit, but God is God and He is good All. The. Time.). Jim was responsive to the Word and leading of the Lord, and that is the key to any one growing well. Isaiah 43:18-19 tells us, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Now, there are numerous articles out there telling individuals how to grow in Christ. The technical term is the sanctification process. Preachers, teachers, pastors and mentors can guide you in the individual process. What we want to focus in on is how does a FAMILY grow well together, even if a family member is in a completely different spiritually place at that time. 1. Pray for each of your family members individually and collectively. We are sure you have noticed that many of our suggestions include prayer. Obviously, it is implicitly indicated in all that a Five Minute Family should be doing, but sometimes, we point it out because the situation is more delicate. Growth can cause pain, but growth is necessary. 2. Listen when one of your loved ones shares what God is doing in his or her life, even if - well, especially if - you have already received that lesson from the Lord. Letting your loved one share what God is doing is praise worthy and important to their individual growth and your family’s collective growth as a unit. 3. Speak up only when God prompts you. As a talker, I pray a quick prayer that God will zip my lips and let me fully be present, listening to my family member, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t want me to participate, too. Waiting for His prompting to respond has been a continuing lesson for me, but I am amazed every time He gives me the words to speak. 4. Listen again. Most of us connect with someone by sharing our own personal experience with something similar. There is nothing wrong with that, AT TIMES. But, sometimes, we need to remember to listen AGAIN in order for our family member to feel validated in his or her own experience as well as for us to see the uniqueness of what God is doing in their lives, which impacts the whole family. 5. And, accept hard truths. Parents, if we have failed to do...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are in our “It is well” series. When we planned this series, we had no idea what would transpire in our country this week. Learning to ‘follow well’ seems even more important this week than it did last week. Let’s learn to follow well in our families so that we can take those skills and impact our communities and our country, for Christ. Do you remember playing the game ‘follow the leader’ as a child? Many of us failed miserably at the game. We got distracted. We didn’t like where the leader was leading. We listened to somebody else who wasn’t actually in charge. We didn’t hear the directions and then led everyone else behind us off the path. And on and on. When I was in a leadership role at our homeschool tutorial, a mom came to me and said, “Tell me what to do. I am not a good leader, but I am an excellent follower.” Having always led (or well, tried to lead) I was quite taken aback by her statement. But, her joy in being a good follower made me rethink following and leading. Learning to follow well is extremely important, especially when our society tells us that to be successful, we must lead well. As we mentioned last week, Jesus Christ is a servant leader. Serving includes following in certain measures. God tells us in Philippians that we need to follow well. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:3-8 Ephesians 5:21 reminds us to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Following is not an inferior position to leading. We must choose to follow to strengthen our family and its functionality. Remember that following takes courage and self-control. Following allows us to support one another. So, how do we follow well? First, we must: 1. Understand that God is the ultimate leader and following Him well is paramount to living a life that is genuinely Christ-like. Isaiah 58:11 points out that “The Lord will guide [us] continually.” Secondly, we must: 2. Respect the family leader. We realize that this SHOULD go without saying, but it often doesn’t. Wives get irritated that their husbands “aren’t doing enough” or “won’t pray often enough” - you get the picture. Husbands will sometimes have false ideas of what it means to be the leader of the household and do not respect Mama and the managerial leadership role she plays in not only the kids but also his life - medically, nutritionally, activity, etc. Mamas working in and out of the home are called the “Managers of the Home” for a reason. Parents, sometimes you need to allow your child to step into a leadership role and follow them well so that they see what that looks like. A family is more effective when each of your strengths are celebrated, and each person follows well in turn. To follow well, we must also: 3. Ask questions! Yes, even the dumb ones because, truly, the only dumb question is the unasked question. A leader typically has the goals and plan in mind but may not have communicated them completely well, and in a family, we are often all figuring it out together. By respectfully asking the questions you have, you help your family leader lead better. Finally, two questions to ask yourself as you follow the authority in your home: 4. Do you know the agenda? Listening to the family member leading the particular event you are dealing with right now allows you to know what the next steps are. If you do not care about the plan the leader is sharing, you are not following...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Did your family choose a word for the year? If so, please let us know how the process went for you. This morning we are kicking off a series called, “It is well” and today we are discussing leading well. Leadership is valuable but knowing how to lead well can be tricky. A quick internet search will yield numerous articles on good leadership. Trip Kimball suggests we use the acronym of LEAD. L is listen and learn. E is educate and equip. A is accept and acknowledge. And, D is disciple and delegate. Alison Doyle tells us that effective leaders have the ability to communicate well, motivate their team, handle and delegate responsibilities, listen to feedback, and have the flexibility to solve problems in an ever-changing workplace. Steven Halter encourages leaders to lead out of love for God and obedience to Him as well as selfless concern for others - speaking the truth in love, listening humbly, serving, and supporting others. Many more articles, books, and posts exist from the business world about leading well. Five elements become apparent as we look at the concept of leading well - AUTHORITY, THEM, YOU, GOALS, and ACTIONS. A family is not a business, however. It isn’t the military or some other organization. Each family is a mini-church, which means our leadership example must be Jesus. Please read Philippians 2:5-8. Jesus is not an authoritarian leader nor is He simply a backseat navigator. He leads with authority and with humility. He leads with power and respect. He leads with holiness and love. Christ is the greatest example of servant leadership. A good Christian leader considers each element of leading well - AUTHORITY, THEM, YOU, GOALS, and ACTIONS - in light of Jesus’s example: First is a respect for authority, and in Five Minute Families, that authority is GOD. Since Psalm 37:23 points us that our steps are ordered by the Lord and Psalm 32:8 says that He will instruct us and teach us in the ways we should go, we must be able to recognize and respect the leadership of the Lord and His word. A second element in leading well is to recognize the THEM of the group. Many ‘lead well’ lists give you the ideas to empower, equip, enable, motivate, and support your team. The THEM for a Five Minute Family is, of course, your family. Ephesians 4:16 reminds us that “from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” We must work together and recognize the gifts each person brings to the family and the kingdom of God. Again, to lead well you must empower, equip, enable, motivate, and support THEM - your family members. Leading well is not just about God and your family members. YOU are a fundamental element, though we list you third. YOU must take responsibility. YOU must start with your own attitude. So many ‘lead well’ lists state things like “Start with you.” “Stop doing dumb things.” “Work on yourself, too.” “Make sure your attitude, appearance, and approach are aligned.” God’s Word says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” And that includes your ability to lead well. A crucial fourth element of leading your family well includes GOALS - family goals. Proverbs 29:18 prompts us, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” Perish in the King James Version translates to ‘let loose’. To have a “vision” is to have a road map that shows us where we are going, what our goal is, and how to get there. And, our final element to ‘lead well’ is taken from James 1:22: “Let them not just be hearers of the Word but doers also.” ACTION. You must take action. As others have stated, “Culture is created by the behavior you tolerate. You can post posters with uplifting words, your memos and speeches can have soaring ideals, but demonstrated behavior is what forms a culture.” Take the action of giving feedback, making it...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It’s been wonderful having kicked off so many Tuesdays of 2020 with you. We would love for you to share with us your favorite tip or show from the year. Head over to our Clear View Retreat facebook page and drop us a comment so that we know you are out there listening. This year has taken so much from so many, and most folks are aching for 2021 to arrive. Unfortunately, though, January 1st is not a magical day. It will not make our problems disappear. As our pastor said this past Sunday, Jan 1st is merely a convenient ‘line in the sand’ to give us a definitive time to move forward. Thus, instead of a rigid New Year’s Resolution, we encourage your family choose a Family Word of the Year. This word should be a continual and gentle reminder to focus on creating a positive, Godly home life instead of a soon forgotten New Year’s resolution. Here are five steps to help guide your family into choosing a Family Word of the Year. 1. Pray. Don’t choose a family word of the year without God, Five Minute Families. Proverbs 16:9 tells us, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We need to rely on the Lord and His plan for our future while we intentionally focus on each and every present moment. 2. Reflect. Think about the past year as well as your hopes for the upcoming year. Proverbs 24:3-5 reminds us that “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might.” Each person needs to think of what characteristics they personally would like to have or characteristics they see the family needing to focus on. 3. Brainstorm. Create a list of words together. Now, we must allow each person to say whatever comes to mind without fear of ridicule; this can be hard for some kiddos. Make sure you lay the ground rule of no condemnation of another’s suggestions; in fact, encourage them to be a little silly. One way to ensure that kids don’t make rude comments about an idea would be for mom or dad to say something a little wild as an example and then encourage everyone to use even the outlandish word as a jumping off point. Also, try to get as many words down as you can, but do set a time limit (dependent on your children’s ages), so that no one ends up getting bored or frustrated. 4. Discuss. You can do the discussion in multiple ways. One suggestion would be for each family member to choose one word from the longer list, and then share why he or she thinks that word would be a good word for the family to focus on this year. Again, no mocking another’s recommendation. 5. Decide. Begin this decision time with prayer once more. Ask God to reveal to you all what He would have you focus on as a godly family this year. All of these steps do not need to be completed at the same time. Take into account your family dynamics and spread the steps out over the course of a few hours or a few days. No one needs to be pushed into accepting a word that they don’t resonant with, but at the same time, not each person will likely be as motivated by the word as others. This is where individual needs and praying lovingly for each other matters even more. We are praying about ‘community’ being our word for 2021. It will look a bit different for each of us due to our different personalities, and the ongoing COVID-19 restrictions are going to make us get a whole lot of creative, but we are exploring that word for a reason. We might land on a different family word, but through this process, we have searched deeper for something I miss strongly for myself and my family - community. Remember, January 1st isn’t a magical day, but since EVERY day is a good day to become more intentional and January 1st is coming, begin now...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Merry Christmas to you all! It has long been a tradition in our family that our sweet Papa Jerry would open our holiday family meals with a devotion. The last couple of holidays, he has drawn in Jim and my brother-in-law, knowing that his earthly time would be short. Though we were all only able to be together via video messaging in some way for Thanksgiving and Christmas had to be celebrated separated and early, Jim has taken the time, in addition to all the wonderful cooking he does for us, to write and share a devotional. This Christmas he wrote a poem. What child is this? A question several asked. A ponder on which we stand. For unto us is born this day, a Savior. From what shall we be saved? Saved beyond death. Saved beyond life. Saved beyond this world. That child. A child that grows into the Son of Man. The Son of God. The Son that shines. Do you see the light? Do you know where it comes from? Do you know what it is? Do you have that light? Now is the time to shine! The light shines in the darkness and that darkness can never put it out! And it started with a child. Born unto us. What child is this? That child is Jesus. The child Jesus Christ was the greatest gift anyone can ever receive. He is the greatest reason to give gifts during the holiday season. But, this year has been hard. Emotionally, mentally, physically, financially… you name it. Some folks are suffering and just getting out of the bed in the morning is a victory. So, what do you do if you find yourself three days before Christmas, struggling, but wanting to express a little love to those who matter most to you? Most importantly, remember that you do NOT need to spend money excessively or go into debt to show love. There are many non-gift ways to honor the birth of our Lord and express love to one another. But, for some, not giving a gift is frustrating and disappointing, thus… Our five suggestions this week are ways to give a gift that won’t cost you much at all. We chose these five gift ideas based on the Five Love Languages: 1. For those who feel love by receiving gifts, we suggest a coupon book. For your kiddos, you can include a monthly trip to the Dollar Tree where your child can pick ONE item. $12 plus tax spread throughout the year. Or, if you are crafty or skilled, a homemade item customized for your loved one is always special. 2. For loved ones motivated by touch, we have another coupon book idea. This one is a massage a month for your spouse or even a single new book with reading cuddle time. 3. Many folks need words of affirmation to feel that they are loved, so take the time to write down favorite memories of the year so that they can pull them out of a jar whenever they need to feel your love. A technology version of that would be to make a video tribute with photos from throughout the year set to their favorite song. 4. Is your spouse or child loved by your acts of service? Try cooking their favorite meal even if it isn’t the traditional Christmas dinner. Bonus, it doesn’t take any extra money out of the meal budget. Make sure you clean up afterward, too, or it isn’t much of an act of service. 5. And, finally, the love language of time. Commit to giving some of your free time to a coupon book of fun days. It doesn’t have to be amusement park fun. It can be extra time at the local park or driving a bit out of the way for that trail hike they have been wanting to try. Spend some time thinking about what would really be fun for your loved one. Another time idea is spending the time making a mixed tape or play list and then dance together in the living room. If you are unfamiliar with the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we highly recommend reading it. Spouses, you will learn to understand AND LOVE one another better, and parents, you can gain insight into what...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! So, a very important question here less than two weeks before Christmas... does your family write out Christmas gift lists to share with each other? We’re not talking about the letters to Santa for the younger kids, though that is an element, but an actual Christmas list for each member of the family, no matter the age? One family I knew had each person write a list and then everyone in the family and extended family choose something directly from the list. No surprises, just exactly what you wanted. Another family I know, drops hints all year long and each hopes to be pleasantly surprised on Christmas morning. In fact, our family has never done a Christmas list of any sort, but a post and thread on Reddit made me start wondering if that was the best practice we could use, since we have had some disappoints through the years, by both the giver and the receiver. Here is a lightly paraphrased summary of one part of that Reddit thread: “Ask Culture meets Guess Culture. In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it’s OK to ask for anything at all, but you gotta realize you might get ‘no’ for an answer. This is Ask Culture. In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you’re pretty sure the answer will be yes. Guess Culture depends on a tight net of shared expectations. A key skill is putting out delicate feelers. If you do this with enough subtlety, you won’t even have to make the request directly; you’ll get an offer. Even then, the offer may be genuine or someone is simply being polite; it takes yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether you should accept. All kinds of problems spring up around the edges. If you’re a Guess Culture person, then unwelcome requests from Ask Culture people seem presumptuous and out of line, and you’re likely to feel angry, uncomfortable, and manipulated. If you’re an Ask Culture person, Guess Culture behavior can seem incomprehensible, inconsistent, and rife with passive aggression. Guess behaviors only work among a subset of other Guess people — ones who share a fairly specific set of expectations and signaling techniques. The farther you get from your own family and friends and subculture, the more you’ll have to embrace Ask behavior.” There are, of course, other words than ‘ask’ or ‘guess’ that can be used: passive, assertive, forceful, or even passion aggressive. Jim used the word assertive as the most positive behavior in handling personal needs or wants, though I personally have a negative connotation with that word. He considers it to mean ‘self-confidence’ whereas I think of it as ‘insistent’; both of which can be synonyms for assertive. But, no matter what words you are most familiar with, let us ask you: Do you have a ‘guess’ or an ‘ask’ family culture? Often, there is a family culture of one or the other, but sometimes one person is out of sync with the rest. Is one person more of an ask person in a culture of guessing? Or, the opposite: is one of you a guesser in a culture of askers? For example, if mom is a guesser who never wants to say no and dad is an asker, the kids may learn how to play mom and dad off each other. In a family of guessers, if an ‘ask’ child comes along, the parents may feel disrespected and unable to just “surprise” them. Sometimes, someone from a family of guessers may not be able to easily articulate what he wants - even in something as simple as what to drink when asked during a visit. So, five suggestions for bridging the guess versus ask gap: 1. If you are an asker start with, “I need to ask you something, please feel free to say no. You don’t need to give me a reason, and I won’t be angry or upset.” 2. If you are a guesser, learn how to say no and learn how to accept no. 3. If you are an asker, make your requests reasonable. 4. If you are a guesser, don’t pile on reasons or expect...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is great to be with you today despite all the cancellations and revisions as of late. Do last-minute cancellations get under your skin? What about the sound of a scraping fork? Someone drumming on the table or humming the same tune on repeat? Ah, my friends, pet peeves. We’ve all got them, but some of us are better at controlling our responses to our pet peeve triggers than others. Mine is noise… random noises, repetitive noises, loud noises, white noises… you name it. Noises irritate me. There are times when I politely ask the family member who is tap-tap-tapping away to please stop, and there are times when I lose my witness demanding they stop. Often, a person’s response to his or her pet peeve can move that reaction from being merely irritating to being sinful. Likewise, while most pet peeve behaviors are not sinful ones, they could be. For example, in our family, one of our younger sons who likes making a beat will intentionally make a louder, longer, more repetitive beat when a certain older brother is around because he knows how much he can annoy and control his brother’s outbursts. THIS is sinful behavior. It actually did not start that way, but as the older brother got angrier and began to scare his little brother with his frustrated responses, the original behavior became an anxiety response, Then, as little brother grew older, he realized how much control he wielded simply by pushing that pet peeve button. The whole cycle became sinful. Another example would be when two people begin to be frustrated about a pet peeve and instead of dealing with the problem-causing behavior, the two begin to be vengeful or vindictive. Quietly stewing or intentionally getting back at the person who triggers you is sinful. So, what do we do when someone we love is pushing our buttons with a pet peeve: Be aware of your personal warning signs. Are you in a bad mood? Have other people intentionally bothered you today? Don’t go home and start yelling at everyone for living their lives. I, for one, am very guilty of this. When I am overwhelmed, the first thing that has to go is all that noise. Considering that three of my children and my husband all like to drop a beat and turn on music to unwind, you can imagine the chaos in my brain. THEY are making noise, but the issue is mine to handle respectfully. Before you share, weigh whether the behavior is truly problematic. If your family member died tomorrow, would you miss the socks on the floor, the open cabinet, or the constant singing? Our guess is a resounding yes, so commit to pray for your loved one instead of internally complaining as you pick up the socks or close the cabinet. Try stress relievers on your own, and reward yourself for your own good behavior in the face of someone else’s irritating ones. Now, use a quality reward; don’t go eat a cake. Katie Horwitch says, “Not everything is a mirror, but everything is an opportunity.” And, remember always that Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Likewise, remember that you aren’t always easy to live with either. You aren’t Jesus. Maybe you need to review some ways you push other people’s buttons so that you can gain a better perspective.
And, If the behavior is causing major strife, danger, or you just can’t get a handle on it, then you must address it.
Confronting a tough situation can be challenging, but confronting the issue does not have to be a confrontation with all the negative and argumentative elements. We are going to also give you five ways to properly address any pet peeve issue with a family member. Pray, pray, and pray some more for clarification and resolution Choose a time with no distractions – when you are not in a bad mood and when you are not feeling tempted to lose your temper. Before you speak to your loved one, think up some solutions. Maybe the structure...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you had an excellent holiday weekend whether you had a simple, quiet one at home or were able to join with some friends or family to celebrate. Ours was going to be with a small amount of extended family but even that got cancelled last minute due to the wonderful COVID-19 coronavirus. We made the most of it anyway and enjoyed ourselves despite the ever-changing plans. Ever-changing… That word makes me think. We are told to be flexible and to strive for excellence but also to accept whatever comes our way. That can be so very hard at times. Isn’t it nice to realize that God is NEVER-changing? To realize that while circumstances may alter around us often, we can have faith in God’s constancy. He is all-powerful and majestic. We never need to doubt that He will use all these things for His glory and our good. Psalm 29 tells us to give the Lord His glory and to worship the Lord in holy splendor. And, then the psalm goes on to describe God’s voice. When a physical, earthly storm rages, we can hear the power and majesty of our earth. Yet, we need to look at the power and majesty of the Creator of those weather storms – so much more than the storms themselves. We must remember when a spiritual or circumstantial storm rages around us that God’s voice is powerful and imposing through it all. We read that the Lord’s voice: Is over the waters… the many waters. Do you ever feel like you are drowning? That you just can’t seem to catch your breath long enough for the next wave to come crashing?
The Lord’s voice: Breaks the cedars of Lebanon… those are REALLY, REALLY big trees that are normally 30-60 feet wide but can reach up to 80 feet wide.
The Lord’s voice: Flashes forth flames of fire… He can light up the sky and set the world on fire with the power of the lightning.
The Lord’s voice: Shakes the wilderness… do you feel shaken sometimes by the enormity of what God is doing, what He has done, or has called you into doing? The wind can be so powerful in a storm, the trees bend to its will.
And, lastly, the voice of the Lord: Makes the deer give birth and strips the forest bare. That’s right, the terror of the Lord’s voice can make animals give birth early and can shred the forest of all its beauty.
The earth must bend to the power and might of the voice of the Lord, for, indeed, the Lord’s voice is commanding. But, Five Minute Families, we do not have to live in fear of the power of God’s voice like His earthly creation. First, we must recall that He gave us a refuge in Him. We always have refuge in the storms of life when we turn to Him. Psalms 94:22 tells us, “But the Lord is my refuge; my God is the rock of my protection.” Second, we need to remember that while at times the Lord speaks with thunderous power; other times He speaks in a still small voice like in 1 Kings 9. The reality is that God will not always meet our expectations. He will defy them; He will exceed them, but He will not always speak to us the way we are expecting Him to. So, how then can we truly hear – and not fear – the voice of God? Spend time in the Word daily. You see, Samuel may not have recognized God’s voice when Eli did, but you and I can recognize His voice because we have His NEVER-changing Truth to compare our thoughts and ideas to. Listen to God. If you think a thought or feel a feeling as you are seeking the Lord, allow yourself to explore it briefly. First, check it against His written word; He will never contradict Himself. Then, if the thought continues, begin the next step which is… Speak to Him in prayer. Ask God if the thoughts you are having come from Him. Read and meditate on His word. Be willing to wait for confirmation before you act. Confirmation can come in many ways such as peace in the decision, timing of the need to act, and circumstances aligning. Sometimes, if we are still having trouble with a decision, then we need to seek Godly counsel. Iron...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for joining us here today. At Clear View Retreat, we always try to bring our focus back to the Lord and keep a clear view of His perspective and not our own. So, let’s talk about the fact that this is Thanksgiving week. I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in just a couple of days. Wow, it has been a very long year. These last nine months have been worse than any pregnancy. At least at the end of a pregnancy, there is hope, joy, renewal, and the sweetness of new life. Many of us through these nine months have barely been able to hang on. We keep hearing the thread throughout articles, posts, memes, and more…. Let’s get 2020 over with so that we can get past all of the awfulness it brought to our lives. That makes me think… On Sunday, our church celebrated its first ever Thanksgiving Easter Egg hunt. There were fewer people and many of us were masked. But, the kids had fun gathering candy while the pastor took their joy as an opportunity to share the gospel message again and in a way that they could better understand than during the Sunday morning “big service.” Yes, Easter and Thanksgiving are certainly different this year, to say the least. Early on in the pandemic, we tried to focus on some of the positives… we discussed intentionality in March and followed that with ways that folks were being joyful in the COVID chaos. Well, it goes without saying, but I will say it anyway… 2020 has dragged on and on and has been an incredibly difficult year. Yet, thanksgiving is still upon us. Are you actually thankful? Do you have ‘an attitude of gratitude’ or do you stick with platitudes? You know, five things we are not thankful for this year are: Masks Less traveling Smaller gatherings or no gatherings The death of a loved one Constantly changing information
What do we do with the disappointments that threaten to creep in? Ah, Five Minute Families, when we are told in James 1:2 to count it all joy when we encounter trials that does include in the midst of a pandemic. But, how do we do that???? With disappointments we must: First, identify unmet expectations. Were your 2020 expectations realistic or fair to others? Second, we must pause to recognize the feelings that are bubbling up. Often, they end up looking like anger, but are you feeling hurt, sadness, anticipation, fear, loneliness, jealousy, or disgust? Better recognition helps to better deal with the feelings and resulting thoughts. Third, take your disappointed thoughts captive. Train your mind to stop running down the bunny trail. Fourth, invest time in God’s word to replace your faulty thoughts and perspective. When we are trying to establish a positive habit of counting all things joy, we must replace the bad thoughts with TRUTH, not simply some set of positive thinking that may fail us again. And, fifth, when the disappointments are creeping in, we must pray. Prayer is so very under-utilized by a believer and a Five Minute Family. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 tells us to ‘Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’ So, let’s end with five things we need to be thankful for in the midst of 2020’s pandemic: We have so much more information now than we did even six months ago. Optimistically, that will mean targeted, temporary closures instead of mass lockdowns. That also means that we can use masks in ways that are helpful and not harmful. While mental health needs and inquiries have increased, the suicide rate has remained steady, which prayerfully means that folks are seeking and receiving support in the midst of the isolation. Telehealth and telecounseling has expanded, helping many folks who would have otherwise avoided seeking assistance. People are realizing the expanse of six feet apart. We need touch; we need hugs; we need each other. Folks are getting creative to hug and still stay safe. God is still God, and He has done
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for joining us again this morning as we share ideas for godly family living in family-sized nuggets. Often, the noise of the holidays has already begun, and while this year many folks have unabashedly decorated for Christmas early, others of our loved ones are feeling overwhelmed because they experienced the death of someone they love very much this year. The lights and songs and decorations can bring a heightened sense of that loss. Holidays are often so hard after the loss of a loved one, especially the first holidays. Do you stick with the old traditions or throw them all out? Do you plan events knowing you might break down, or do you avoid making any plans at all? How can we get through this and stay out of the pit of pain and despair? Well, we cannot and should not pretend the holidays do not exist. Running from the pain of loss is never healthy in the long run. While we each have a unique path to take through the grief journey, we are all experiencing the holiday time together. Being sensitive to each other’s needs will be especially important at this time. Children will grieve differently than adults, so understanding their patterns will be important, too. Many families choose to make the first holidays after the death of a loved one completely different from any other holiday before. They may opt to go to an amusement park for the day, or travel to a different place. Sometimes, this is helpful because it allows the adults to not be confronted with the pain of traditions where their loved one is missing but gives the children outlets for their energy when the difficult moments arise. Some families find it is extremely important to them to continue the family traditions as close to how they were before the loved one died. This may mean that the next oldest carves the turkey instead of Dad. It may mean that the holiday meal is still at the grandparents’ house, but Aunt Jenny makes Grandma’s famous deviled eggs instead. Thinking through and planning how those traditions will be handled and by whom can make for a much smoother transition through the holidays. If your family cannot agree on certain points, our suggestion would be that the family member with the closest relationship to the deceased be the final decision maker. For example, if Grandpa died, Grandma can decide if the holidays are to be a traditional or a unique experience, at least for the parts she is joining in on. Five things to remember as you grieve through the holidays are: Express your needs and wants. Your loved ones cannot read your mind, and they need you to share what you want most out of these first holidays. That means, you will need to lovingly say your ‘yeses’ and ‘nos’ as needed. Remember, that your family members want you involved in their events, and they will likely try to be as sensitive as possible, but you will need to be sensitive to their needs, too. None of you needs to force each person to fully participate in every event. Plan a way to honor the loved one who has died. If your family has chosen to do something completely different this year, make sure each of you still has an opportunity to share about your loved one in some way. Arrange your plans but stay flexible. The holidays will likely be much more difficult if you have no plans at all but make sure to allow flexibility for those harder moments. And, that brings us to the reminder, that hard moments will come. Please don’t pretend that the holidays are not hard, and be with someone trustworthy who will allow you the opportunity to fully realize the hard moments and not just gloss over them.
Obviously, we just spent the last few minutes giving suggestions, but the reality is that whether you take any of them or all of them, we each must hold each other a little tighter; we must be compassionate, patient, and understanding; we must let go of someone special and it hurts. The holidays may not SEEM as bright this year,...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is so good to be with you on this unseasonably warm day. We will soon be closing Clear View Retreat down for the winter, but we certainly hope that all the projects our volunteers have been diligently focusing on this year will allow this to be our last year to have to close during the cold winter months. So many pastors, missionaries, and grieving families reach out to us during these months, and we are continually praying and working toward being able to be open during their times of need. That’s where you come in. Please consider partnering with us because we bring the hope of Christ into families that need Him now more than ever. Check out us at clearviewretreat.org if you feel led to share your time or gifts to help families in both the storms and norms of life. One of those storms we all go through at some point in our lives is the death of a loved one. We are going to continue our series on grief today by discussing regrets after your loved one has died. How do we deal with the death of someone we love when the regrets seep in? First, let us clarify that we are not discussing guilt after the death of a loved one. What’s the difference between guilt and regret, you ask? Litsa Williams at WhatsYourGrief.com stated it this way, “…guilt occurs when we do something that we know is wrong while we are doing it, typically for ethical, moral, or legal reasons. Regret, on the other hand, is the emotion we experience when we look back on an action and feel we should or could have done something differently. It differs from guilt in that we didn’t know or feel at the time that we were doing something wrong, or we didn’t actually have control over the situation. Also, [regret] typically is not that we did something that falls in that morally or legally wrong category, but rather a benign action (or inaction) that we later wish was done differently based on an outcome.” For example, after my cousin died unexpectedly, I regretted not ever fulfilling her request that I take an extra few hours to come see her new home and spend some time with her family and mine together. It was not a morally wrong choice not to add many hours of travel to my already weary schedule with my young children in tow, but she was inviting me into her life beyond our childhood memories, and I missed an opportunity to know her better before her death. I regret that choice. We are often told to live life without regrets, but even God says in both Genesis 6:6 and 1 Samuel 15:35 that He regretted actions He took. Now, before you jump up and say, “Hey, God doesn’t make mistakes!” realize that we did not say He made a mistake, we said HIS word says He REGRETTED making man and then making Saul king, respectively. As John Piper stated, “God is quite capable of lamenting a state of affairs He Himself foreknew and brought about.” So, while the world tells us to live without regrets, we hear from God that we are to learn from those regrets. 2 Corinthians 7:10 tells us, “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” If we simply dwell in our regret and do not take those thoughts captive, we can become self-focused or lead ourselves into guilt-producing behavior. Five actions you can take if you have regret after the death of a loved one are: Acknowledge your regret. Ways to do that include journaling or speaking with a trusted pastor, mentor, or counselor. Repent of your regret to the Lord. Pray, even out loud or in writing, to the Lord and ask Him for His guidance. Determine actions you may need to take, such as a behavior you need to change in your ongoing relationships. Forgive yourself, especially since you cannot seek the forgiveness of the one you love. Look to the hope of the future. Remember that God says in Isaiah 43:19, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. At Clear View Retreat, we reach out to families in both the ‘norms’ and ‘storms’ of life. Much of what we discuss here comes from what we are living out at the moment, so we are going to continue to discuss how families can honor the Lord and support each other through the process of grief. After someone dies, many folks stay away because they just don’t know what to say. Part of that issue stems the fact that when we greet people, our normative opening is to ask “How are you?” On any regular day, most of us will answer briefly and superficially. We’ll say, “I’m fine” even if we are far from it. When you know someone’s family member has died, it can seem frustrating to you if you ask that question out of habit. We all do it. If the person seems to be struggling to answer you, you can let them know it is acceptable to say, “I’m not ok but I am pushing on” or something like that, would be perfectly fine. Around here, my mom has begun saying, “I am not ok right now.” Sometimes, she adds, “But, I know I will be.” I can kinda gauge her mood by whether she adds that second part. However, there have been moments that her tears caught me by surprise. Well, not fully surprise, but surprise in the moment. You get what I mean. And, often, I have no words of comfort for her. There is nothing I can do to speak her beloved husband back into her arms. I am reminded of Psalm 37:7, “Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for him.” God is the Great Comforter, not us. Think about it like this for a moment: When a baby cries, we feed, burp, and change them. If that doesn’t work, we rock and pat them. Sometimes, they fall asleep. Sometimes, we just need to keep holding them, letting them know we are there. When an adult cries, we go into ‘fix-it’ mode for them, too. We tell them it’s going to be ok, even if we know it won’t be. But, do we keep holding them? Sometimes it is awkward to say nothing and just let the person cry. But, listen closely, Five Minute Family members out there who are like me: Be quiet. Shut it. Zip it. Shush. Button it.
You would not talk loudly while your baby cries or after your baby finally stopped crying. You would embrace the quiet and let your little one work out the very emotions and thoughts that they don’t quite yet know how to communicate in any way other than with a cry. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us that there “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” Let the widow wail. Let the parent weep. Let the widower cry. Let the sibling sob. Let the air be filled with your silence and your arms. Let them work out the very emotions and thoughts that they don’t quite yet know how to communicate in any way other than with a cry. While not specifically addressing the grief process, what neuroscientist Dr. Fiona Kerr said about silence is applicable, especially in a house filled with well-meaning family and friends. She states, “The constant amount of distraction you’re exposed to nowadays creates short-term patterns of thinking that mean you don’t focus on issues you need to address. Silence expands the mind and the thoughts… It can change everything.” Micaela Shore put it this way, “Studies show that for anyone (highly sensitive or not), experiencing silence relieves stress, lowering blood pressure and blood circulation in the brain more so than listening to relaxing music. Silence allows our prefrontal cortexes — our brains’ “attention centers” — to relax and restore.” None of this is to say we should always be silent, or provide silence, for our grieving loved one. Again, Ecclesiastes tells us that there is a time to speak. There is a time to laugh and bring joy back into the room, but we can talk more specifically about what to say or not say another time. God tells is in Psalm 46:10 to ‘Be still and know that I am Lord.’ As Christians we are to point others to Christ, sometimes that comes through...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. I come to you this week with a hurting heart. We are facing the imminent death of someone we love. In fact, I am alone with you today while Kim is with our extended family. We know that many of you are facing the same thing – the impending death of someone dear to you. As you know too well, even before the loss happens, the pain begins. Anticipatory grief may carry many of the same indications of grief after death – sadness, anger, isolation, forgetfulness, depression, exhaustion, and more. Many of us have heard of the classic stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As any counselor or grief mentor will tell you, those stages are not all-inclusive nor are they experienced in a linear progression. A plate of spaghetti that is jumbled up and touching several aspects of life would be a better analogy. So, with heavy hearts and that jumble in mind, let us examine how we can help and support each other during such a time. Listen. Often, we think we know how the other person will deal with the impending death of a loved one, but the intro into the grief journey is as unique as the grief process itself. We must let our loved one share their hurts, needs, and pain without twisting it into our own ways of coping. Likewise, don’t try to fix how your loved one is dealing with his or her grief. You might think the person needs to talk more or talk less or push harder or push less. We each deal with grief differently. If the person is in denial, you keep walking beside them, helping with arrangements as needed. Pray often and seek the Lord’s leading when you feel at a loss for what to say. Encourage one another in self-care. Stress wreaks havoc on the immune system, and allowing each person the sleep, nutrition, exercise, and quiet time they need to reengage in a healthy way is extremely important. Understand that guilt and anger feelings may abound in this time. It is now during the anticipatory grief period that we each must seek or offer forgiveness. Forgiveness brings peace, though the wronged person rarely believes that until they walk through it. Expect loneliness. Many folks feel very lonely while anticipating the death of a loved one, despite often being surrounded by others. Each relationship – parent/child, spousal, sibling, extended family, and friend – lends to a completely different knowledge of the dying person. No one knows your loved one the way you do, and when the closest of those in relationship with the dying person tries to communicate his or her impending loss, no one in the family circle will have that same level of loss. The grief is real for all involved, but the loneliness for those closest to the loss can be very difficult for others to fully understand.
If the time of anticipatory grief is extended, we often cry out as they did in Lamentations 5:20, “Why do you forget us forever; why do you forsake us for so many days?” It is so hard to watch someone we love suffer or to fear that they might be suffering. Long or short, in grief we often feel abandoned by God, but we must remember that just as in John 16:33: in this world we will have suffering, but we can face all those tribulations as we hold to God’s hand, because He has overcome the world. As followers of Christ, we do not grieve without hope. Our hope is in the Lord. Psalm 34:18 says: The Lord is near the brokenhearted, he saves those crushed in spirit. Know that it is normal to hurt, normal to feel lonely, normal to be afraid, normal to be in denial, normal to feel anger, normal to bargain, normal to feel depressed, normal to accept what is happening. It is also necessary to grieve. Many people pack their feelings and grief deep inside themselves and try to avoid the grief process. Often it is detrimental to their health, relationships, and effects many aspects of their life. Thank you for joining me this week. We...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. We at Clear View Retreat love to be able to share God’s truth here with you. We thank you for joining us and we hope you will comment on our blog or our facebook page. “Be blessed, our friends.” What does that mean? The top definition given on an internet search is as an adjective meaning, “made holy; consecrated.” As American English speakers, when we say, “be blessed” we are typically wishing well for the hearer. We are hoping for good things for them. But, biblically speaking, what does ‘to be blessed’ mean? The word for blessed used in the Old Testament passage in Deuteronomy 28 is “barak” which implies benefit, and we can see that play out in verses two through thirteen when the city, country, offspring, produce, basket, bowl, barns, and all that the hand touches abound in prosperity. However, the word for blessed in the New Testament passage in Matthew 5 known as the Beatitudes is “makarios,” which is more closely translated as happiness, but more fully means good spirit, which is not a feeling of happy but an attitude and spiritual state. In the Old Testament blessings were not personal rewards for keeping the law but they were national blessings of abundance for God’s nation to be an example to the world. New testament blessings center on our relationship with Jesus Christ, no matter what is happening around us personally or nationally. To paraphrase Paul Barker of The Gospel Coalition, “So the [tangible] blessings of the Old Testament are still available, yet in a changed and [divinely theological] form.” He continues, “There is no biblical warrant to promise material wealth to believers today. The Bible is a corporate sufficiency gospel, not an individualistic prosperity gospel.” All blessings of the Bible – whether tangible or relational and whether Old or New Testament – are tied to our relationship with the Lord. Consider the Beatitudes in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5: 2-12: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons[a] of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Well, Five Minute Families, what does that mean for us? The Beatitudes are relational, and the Ten Commandments are relational, too. We need to remember that the first four Commandments are about our relationship with God and the last six are about our relationships with others. To be blessed means to keep God and others at the forefront of our minds. Here are five thoughts we need to keep in mind about biblical blessings: It is a missional term for the sake of the nations. The Great Commission tells us to go and make disciples. We are blessed by the Lord’s forgiveness to be a light for others. If we are given earthly abundance and tangible blessings like the Old Testament examples, then we are to share that prosperity with those less fortunate than ourselves as stated in Hebrews 13: 16. We must remember that an earthly blessing other than our forgiveness and salvation through the blessing of the gift of Jesus Christ is temporary and pales in comparison to spending eternity in heaven with God. We need to be cautious on how we use the word blessed so that our children – and nonbelievers – do not get confused about why God would choose to give abundance to one person and...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! Leaves are falling, and rakes are out. Piles are being jumped into while jackets are on. Come fall into our family topic for this week: to compete or to complement. In 1 Corinthians 9:24 Paul uses a competition analogy to help us understand our striving for our eternal prize: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.” Paul again uses the competition analogy in 2 Timothy 2:5, “An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” As the Australian Institute for Public Affairs states, “Competition teaches children teamwork, and equips them with the tools they need to develop relationships, form partnerships and work together to solve problems.” Through competition, kids can learn how to work hard and stick with something challenging. Since competing is a striving against one another to gain or win something, we know that conflict can arise within times of striving. If conflict creeps into competition, the efforts can become negative, wholly self-centered, and destructive to self-esteem. However, when a person is not challenged with competition at all, that person can become entitled and less of a wise risk-taker. Competition can teach persistence, perseverance, and resilience. Let’s turn for a moment to complement. We do not mean compliments as in, “Wow, you look great today.” (why, thank you!) No, we mean complement with an ‘e’ and that complement means “add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it; make perfect.” And, the perfect example of complementing is the trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are not in competition with each other; each reveals different aspects of the God-head. That’s full complementation. Since the family is an illustration of our relationship with God, we must understand how to complement each other. “You’re doing great babe.” Not that type of complement, Kim. Oh, yeah, right. As Phil Ware so succinctly stated it, “Our complement makes us better than we can be on our own.” Back to the sports analogy: to win games, team members must remember to complement each other in the midst of the greater competition. And, to win in life, families must remember to complement each other in the midst of this greater competition of daily life. Competition and complementation are not mutually exclusive. Five ways to foster healthy competition with a mindset of complementation are: Identify the difference between conflict and competition for your children if they cannot see it themselves. Encourage each family member to try new skills and challenges. With competition added into the new skill, children often learn the skill faster and have a stronger grasp of it. Remind each family member that he or she will not always be the winner. Encourage your children to lose gracefully. Remind them that the biggest competition they ultimately face is against themselves. Help them to focus on building others up. By realizing that others have different strengths than our own and encouraging others in those strengths allows us to see how we can truly complement one another.
Complement is exemplified in Philippians 2:3-4 –“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” This past Sunday, our church was blessed to have a sibling band lead worship. Ranging from six to twenty-five, they sung in harmony, rotated positions, and shared equipment. Even when two mics failed during one song, everyone kept the flow, and the lead singer had a flawless smile even while not being heard for a portion of the song. Each sibling grinned and nodded encouragingly. When the younger of the children were finished with their song, an older brother tried to help a younger brother place his mic back on the stand. The...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! What an exciting time to be alive and living for the Lord. We know by His word that the love of many will grow cold but that the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. Don’t give in to the hate, and do not give up on all the Lord has planned for your family. Five Minute Families, what can YOU do to continue to walk with Him during these unsettling times? This week we want to pull out five ideas for you that come from a youVersion Bible plan devotional by Craig Groeschel called the Six Steps to Your Best Leadership. One of our sayings for families who come to Clear View Retreat is composed of three simple words: “Hope. Connect. Strengthen.” Remember, God wants families to hope in Him and each other. Hebrews 6:19 says, “we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.” God wants families connected to Him and to each other. John 15:12-13 reminds us that God’s “command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” And, God wants families strengthened to face the trials TOGETHER that come during our earthly time. 2 Corinthians 12:10 encourages us to “take pleasure in weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” How do families who are struggling, or even families who simply want to go further in their relationships achieve living their best lives for the Lord in the midst of the chaos of everyday living? How? Well, to paraphrase a statement from Groeschel’s study: Families must “take action on information that leads to transformation.” But, HOW do we take that action? Here are five ideas to think through to build up your family and your impact in God’s kingdom. A Discipline to Start: A few months ago, we walked through our curriculum of finding your family’s unique identity. When you know who you are, or who you want to become, you’ll know what to do. Based on who you are as a family, what spiritual discipline do you need to start? The Courage to Stop: Based on who your family wants to become, what do you need the courage to stop? This is not just bad habits; it may be something good that you need to step away from in order to achieve something great. A System to Create: Most individuals run better with routine; when we multiply that by any factor, meaning members of a family, the chaos can be overwhelming without routine. Do you have problems with scheduling that need to be addressed for everyone to achieve his or her potential? What routines do you need to create to get the result you want? A Relationship to Initiate: Does your family need a mentor or mentoring family? Do you need deeper relationships within your biblical community to become what you want to become together? You could be one familial relationship away from changing the course of your calling. A Risk You Need to Take: “Based on who you want to become and what you want to do, what risk do you need to take? If your family always waits until you’re ready, you’ll always be late.”
That list may seem daunting, but don’t forget what we encourage you here on Five Minute Family, find five minutes - either grouped together or scattered throughout the day - to devote to making the transformation for your family. Five minutes could be the start your family needs to go from good to great. Again, change is not always easy, but the fulfillment of being in the place God wants your family to be brings a sweetness and peace that is indescribable. As families journey together in life they need encouragement and discipleship to help them stay on His track, Clear View Retreat Family Camp is a great place to start or continue on that journey. Check us out at Clearviewretreat.org. We pray that you and yours can find that sweetness and peace as you seek the Lord this week. Have a...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. What a week this has been! No matter which end of the political spectrum you are on, all of us are affected by the current events going on around us. Sometimes, we can live in blissful ignorance, at least for a time, but we are impacted whether we realize it or not. One thing that impacts us daily is what is allowed to appear on the screens and devices we have all around us-in our hands, hanging on our walls, sitting on our desks, even playing in fast food restaurants. Please note that to stay family-friendly, we will be speaking a bit in code, but Five Minute Families need to make a plan and be prepared to deal with inappropriate images and explicit media, no matter the age of their children. There are times when we are exposed, or accidentally expose someone we love, to images that we should not see outside of a covenant marriage. Just last week, we sat down to watch a movie that we thought would be ok to watch with our kids. Spoiler alert… it wasn’t. One image popped up. It was fairly benign compared to the pictures that float around in commercials these days, but it was still more than a young person needs to see outside of marriage. Because of our own desensitization, we wrongly did not immediately turn the movie off. When the second image popped up, we shut it off. I apologized to our children, but I knew to begin praying for their protection. During the height of the Netflix controversy, which was also last week, having older kids as well, our younger ones are exposed to conversations they often do not understand, so they have heard about the young girls’ dance movie controversy. They are curious, and it doesn’t help that many of you expressed outrage AND still shared the offensive picture on your social media pages, pages that your friends may have been scrolling with their kiddos nearby, and possibly hanging over their shoulders. One picture, one short, one movie, can stick in the mind of a child and confuse them for years. It can become the catalyst to a lifetime of addiction, or, prayerfully, it can become a catalyst to make godly choices in the future. You must have honest and open communication, so that your kids can ask questions and receive truthful and healing answers. Don’t bury your heads in the sand, Five Minute Families. Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed with the devices and with the lowering of societal standards, and think, “but, what can we do?” Well, let’s explore five ideas that you can employ now. Preview movies (or check trusted resources such as pluggedinonline.org). You can also ask friends or family, though we do recommend you are careful because we have found a lot of families today do not have the same standards. Be prepared to turn off a show, or leave a movie theater if necessary. Mama and, especially, Papa, you set the stage for how your children respond to sinful stimuli. Do YOU keep watching but send them away? If so, you have primed them to think that while you say it is not ok, it really is. Put internet blockers or safety modes on, depending on the ages of your children. Another option is putting a reporting program on all of your devices. One such as Covenant Eyes. It can block sites, too, but it has added features for those who struggle such as a panic button and accountability partners. If you yourself have a problem with inappropriate images, please seek help. If this is too close to home and you feel defensive, please check out the Fight the New Drug website or social media pages. Fight the New Drug is a movement to bring awareness and research results about the harmful effects of these images.
Contemplate these passages: Job 31:1 tells us that Job made a covenant with his eyes to keep within biblical boundaries of behavior. Proverbs 4:23 encourages us to “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.” And, Matthew 6:22 reminds us that “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eye is healthy,...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for allowing us into your home (or car) for these five minutes a week. Here at Clear View Retreat, blessings abound as we see families’ lives impacted for Christ, yet, all of us will experience disappointment at the hands of someone we love. Our spouse will miss a special moment, a child will profoundly upset us with a decision he or she makes, and on it goes. Dozens of Bible verses speak about trusting God, such as Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” We strongly encourage you to have family time exploring trusting God verses, but, today, let’s discover what God’s word says about trusting others. Please know that there are numerous verses cautioning us NOT to put our trust in man because our Creator God is the only one who will never falter or fail us. Yet, as image bearers, we are to be trustworthy. Trustworthiness is a large part of the human condition, and it is defined as a “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” Holding an expectation of your loved one doing what is best for both of you in the relationship is not unrealistic or unbiblical. We have been blessed with a happy marriage and great kids. But, life has not and is not always wonderful. We have gone through some serious struggles to get to where we are today. When trust broke down in our marriage, it was not an easy or quick fix. Here are some verses that directed us in trust: Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Proverbs 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. So, how does your family handle the anger and hurt from broken trust? Five things to remember as your family handles broken trust are: The one who broke trust needs to take ownership of his or her wrong. The hurt person needs to identify what he or she SPECIFICALLY has trouble trusting now. Take baby steps to reestablish trust by becoming hyper-vigilant to be completely honest, even with the littlest of things. A young lady once admitted she would even lie about where something was when asked simply to avoid having to get it if asked. She used little lies like this to manipulate those around her. It took her choosing to stop doing that for her relationships to begin to be healed. Actively listen to the other without trying to jump in to defend yourself. Active listening is a skill we have discussed before on Five Minute Family. Engage in mentoring or counseling as needed. Some folks say it is a sign of weakness to seek counseling or mentoring, but the Bible says otherwise with numerous Proverbs that direct us to be teachable and gain wisdom from others.
Repairing broken trust can take a lot of time. For example, we knew a woman who had had an ongoing affair whenever she went out drinking. When her husband found out, she promised to stay home and focus on their young children and their marriage. He forgave her. They both came to know Christ, and their marriage grew stronger. Years later, the wife ran into her former fling AND his spouse. They all said hello briefly and went their separate ways. When the wife told her husband of the run-in, she said he looked like he had been slapped. The hurt, anger, and abandonment he had felt years earlier came flooding back. He apologized for feeling angry, but he was and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. They argued, but God tapped her on the shoulder and made a request of her. She was obedient, gathered the supplies, and quietly washed her husband’s feet as they both wept. Fourteen years later, they are still very much in love and enjoying their family - including grandbabies. May God bring you wisdom when you face broken trust, allowing for forgiveness and, if it is possible
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How was it tumblin’ out of bed this morning after a long, relaxing weekend? If it is anything like our house, this week is going to seem longer than a four-day week, that’s for sure. But, alas, we will all find the effectiveness and helpfulness of our alarm clocks soon enough. The discipline of using that tool wisely will help our families have discipline, too. Speaking of tools, please listen to this comparison Jim was discussing earlier this week with our own family. What is a stick? On the ground, it seems fairly useless. In the hands of a person, though, it has multiple uses. Somewhat limited by the creativity of the one who holds it, but many possibilities! What is a hammer? A more complex object than the stick, and, truly defined as a tool. In the hands of person, the hammer is advantageous. It can build up or tear down. It can put together or take apart. It requires other objects to be fully beneficial; other materials fastened together through the use of the hammer. What is an impact driver? Now we are getting more complicated. Many parts are working together. More work can be done. How does an impact driver work? Rotation powered by impact. Forward or backwards. Clockwise or counterclockwise. Powered by energy. Connected to the power source. Charged and ready. So, what does that have to do with us, Five Minute Families? Well, who are we? Who are we human beings? If we start in the beginning, Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female.” We are the image of God. Those we interact with are also the image of God. We are not simply like the sticks in a forest just existing, and we are much more complicated than the impact driver in our workings and possibilities. But, just as the stick, hammer, and impact driver can do nothing without the skill of the handler, we need to understand that when we connect to our power source and allow the Master craftsman to use us for His glory, we find our purpose. One universal truth is that everyone has family in its many various shapes and sizes. Coming off this Labor Day weekend, some families spent their time gathered together, playing, laughing, and loving each other well. Some families are functioning well, letting God’s Word guide them to build each other up and see each other’s worth; other families, unfortunately, are struggling. Some family members this past weekend spent a lot of time alone. Some families are estranged or dysfunctional; they may be distracted or dismayed; families may be fractured or they may be extremely small so they seem lonelier than others. However, we were ALL created for relationship, and in the hands of Master Craftsman, we must seek to repair our families. So, how do we honor each other as well encourage seeking our usefulness and purpose God created in each of us? Here are five suggestions: Focus on prayer.
Some family members will refuse to pray together, so you may need to start on your own. Meal time is always a great opportunity to pray. And let your family know you are praying for them.
Be the more mature.
Even if you are the younger or not in a “traditional” role as leader, you should seek God’s wisdom in all situations.
Seek to encourage.
It’s almost easier to tear down when others fault. An old principle is: praise in public, reprimand in private.
Pursue connection.
What holds the other person’s interest? Seek conversations and participate with the person in that activity (as long as it is safe and not dishonoring.)
Love above all things.
We often love as we want to be loved. Love seeks to know the other person and see what love they need. Love them as God loves - where and how they are right now, not where and how you WANT them to be.
Remember, Five Minute Families, whether your family is already well on its way to knowing God
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for joining us this morning as we explore God’s great truth for families in bite-size, five minute, nuggets. Our desire for families is to learn more about God in their family’s unique way, based on where they have been and where God is taking them. We do that primarily at our Family Camp retreats at Clear View Retreat, but we also do that in our day-to-day conversations, staying available to one another and to those who cross our paths. But, we know that we must also seek counseling and mentoring, not just be the mentors. We must submit to our church authority and be respectful when the Lord is teaching us something new (or something for the twentieth time, which happens way too often, too). Hebrews 13:17 tells us to “[o]bey your leaders and submit to them, since they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account, so that they can do this with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.” When you hear the words obey and submit, are they pleasant words to you or do you find yourself putting up your guard? As one writer stated, “Our nation was founded on a rebellion against authority, and one of our early mottoes was, ‘Don’t tread on me!’ We have a defiant national spirit that exalts individual rights. The concept of submission to authority seems wimpy to us!” Reality is, though, we should thank God for godly leaders: pastors, elders, and deacons, who watch over the souls of the flock. They have a burden to lead and to teach truth, and they are accountable for the direction of their congregation. Godly leaders share the vision God has given them and direct each one of us as disciple-makers as we all follow the Great Commission, together as a community of believers. Our church leaders are not infallible, of course, so as part of the biblical community, we must lift our church leaders up daily in prayer. We are also to work with them and seek their counsel when needed. They are like the battle field commanders with wisdom, experience, and discernment for the battle ahead. They have responded to the call of commitment God has given them through communicating the truth to their congregation. Hopefully, in your biblical community leadership, there is an obvious hunger for God’s word and an excitement when it is taught. Even when you want to submit and obey, how often do you find yourself arguing with him (often in your own head) or find yourself angry for no apparent reason? Do you discuss it with the pastor, blow off steam to another church member, or feel convicted but don’t want to face it? Feeling convicted of sin is a tough place to be. Five Minute Families, please take five extra minutes with your pastor or church leader instead of taking that frustration home and possibly out on one another. And, if you need some healthy counsel prior to that meeting, please talk with a trusted believer friend, counselor, or someone who knows God’s word who can give you truth. As we see in Proverbs 11:14: Without guidance, a people will fall, but with many counselors there is deliverance. Not only does this verse encourage us to seek counsel but also establish community. Let’s look at some questions to ponder about your and your family’s involvement in biblical community. When your church gets together, are you Bible-centered or attending more for social reasons? When others express their issues, do you want to speak God’s truth in love or express your own personal opinion? Are you involved in discipleship, actively learning and/or encouraging others in their walk with the Lord? Does your life, and your family’s life, have evidence of transformation in growth and love of God? Have you and your family repented of your negative behaviors and emotions (like complaining or selfishness) and are you seeking God’s truth rather than blaming your circumstances?
Those can be some tough questions to chew on for many people. We...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! How has this week been treating you? Have you had a conversation (or two or ten) about your or another’s thoughts and feelings about the pandemic and all the changes that have happened? Did those discussions center on emotions or facts? While our conversations about the pandemic mask-wearing and socially distancing may alternate between emotions and facts, if we engage in mentoring conversations with family members and biblical community members, we must remember that we are to counsel only from God’s Word, not our feelings about His Word. Now, that isn’t to say that we don’t recognize our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and explore them, but our decisions moving forward cannot be based on feelings. They must be rooted in God’s inerrant Word. When we caution one another faithfully towards maturity as encouraged in Colossians 3:16 and 1 Thessalonians 5:14, we make a greater positive impact in our homes and in our communities. Five Minute Families, would you like to have and to know kids that have: Heads full of knowledge, Hearts full of passion, And dedication to the mission of Christ? What does that take? First, it takes commitment. Parents must be committed to their children. The generations must be committed to providing their strengths to each other. We must all be committed to God’s story and to God’s glory. Second, having heads full of knowledge, hearts full of passion, and a dedication to the mission of Christ takes communication. We must hide His Word in our hearts, telling our faith stories and struggles, and teaching the less mature, which includes not only our children but also our younger brothers and sisters in Christ, teaching them HOW to tell their own stories in light of God’s Truth. Finally, we must remember that having heads full of knowledge, hearts full of passion, and a dedication to the mission of Christ takes community. We are not lone ranger Christians. We are collectively called saints. God speaks to the generations: not just our family, our small group, or even our church, but also the future generations to come. Our community is a greater vision than we can see. We struggle with the now, but we should also have concern for the future and remember the past. Joel 1:3 reminds us of sharing God’s story to the generations when it says, “Tell your children about it, and let your children tell their children, and their children the next generation.” Let’s look at the advice Paul gives to his protégé Titus in Titus 2:1-8. A moment of context is necessary: Chapter 1 of Titus is a warning about false teachers – those who tickle ears but lead to destruction. We are to stand firm, call out, rebuke publicly. Back to Titus 2: “But you are to proclaim things consistent with sound teaching. Older men are to be self-controlled, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance. In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered. In the same way, encourage the young men to be self-controlled in everything. Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Your message is to be sound beyond reproach, so that any opponent will be ashamed, because he doesn’t have anything bad to say about us.” Five Minute Families, moms and dads have a big role. You are often seen as being on the front lines. You have to deal with the technology struggles, the struggle of the world wanting to twist the family minds. And, parents need the help and encouragement from the biblical community. Now, older people, teach sound doctrine while leading a listening ear and practical...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! How is your family handling this new school year? Please share with us your challenges or triumphs on Clear View Retreat’s facebook page, or head over to clearviewretreat.org for more information about us. Five Minute Families are to devote time to each other, intentionally and abundantly, and we know that having a strong support system means investing time and energy into the support system as well. So, now, we want to look at disconnection within family time in order to build a better biblical community. We are not saying that you spend all your time with others; we are suggesting balance of personal time, family time, and biblical community time. Here’s a simple analogy. Think of your Five Minute Family as a house with doors and locks. There are times when we lock those doors, holding out anything and everything. We also have the ability to open the doors and invite others in or go out and engage with others where they are. We should not let any one time grouping dominate to the detriment of the others. Again, our guiding verse here – just as last week’s discussion about humility – is Philippians 2:3-4, which says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” You know your own interests, and you may have already struggled with those leading to selfish behaviors. If you look at 1 Timothy 4:7, it says, “But have nothing to do with pointless and silly myths. Rather, train yourself in godliness.” The world advertises to your selfish side. Have you seen that Dr. Pepper ad which says, “Sweet reward – you deserve this!”? Does that ad, and many others, help you focus on others or yourself? We do not deserve the grace of God and yet He freely gives it, and our sweet reward is our fellowship with Him, our families, and our biblical community. So, we train. We work and we gain. Knowing that with God and others we can be successful. Balance of self, family, and community. The better yourself, the better your family, and the better your community. This includes responsibility – a membership. A membership not to the country club that serves your every desire, but membership in biblical community that reflects Christ’s nature of service to others. You will find that when you serve and get served in community real needs are met, hearts are encouraged, and souls are refreshed. Authentic loving community is our biblical privilege. It is found in the plethora of one-another verses mentioned throughout God’s Word. It is our unity. It is our love. It is our humility. It is where we serve one another, forgive one another, admonish one another, be hospitable for one another, and be good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Five Minute Families, how does this play out? Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better an open reprimand than concealed love” That verse has a lot of depth and could be used as a loaded weapon if our desire is to simply correct others out of our flesh or even hit people with hard truths, but when that verse is taken by God’s intention in light of Ephesians 4:15, “speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head – Christ,” we can grow deeper together. Take five minutes today to think about one of these thought-points: Think of a time you felt God calling you to do something uncomfortable. What is one gift you have that you love use to build the Kingdom of God? What is one risk you think God might be calling you to take in this season? What is one area of your life that you’re still working with God to find healing in? What is one thing your family loves to do together that can be in service to another family?
Remember, Isaiah 41:6 says, “Each one helps the other, and says to another, “take courage!” Your story and...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! This might be slated to be a rainy week, but we have a light that shines brightly through all the norms and storms of life, and we are so glad that you let us bring a bit of His truth to you each week. Let us start with a quick reminder that five minutes is just a start to help us get our minds focused on better relationships through the wisdom of God’s Word. You can take the Bible as only advice and live a fairly great life, or you can realize that God’s Word is both guidance and salvation, bringing abundant living no matter what is happening around us. And, yes, that means living abundantly even in the midst of the COVID chaos. Our prayers are for those who hear this message would come to know Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and believe His truth for life. So, let’s explore a great verse that is quite applicable to daily life, especially family life and relationships. Philippians 2:3 states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit. Wait, maybe that isn’t that easy. But, if we are to set our minds and hearts towards relationships, it should start in the right direction. Can we get out of ourselves? Think for a moment about a relationship you have seen in which someone pushed their own agenda above all else. Those relationships are hard enough to watch from the outside; how much harder it is to be living in one. Relationships are two sided. There is give and take. When we pause to recognize our selfish ambitions and conceit, we can be free from the anchor of what ruins relationships. Remember, though, that takes humility, and as the verse continues, we must consider others as more important than ourselves. In humility consider others as more important than ourselves. So, how can this play out in families? In the spirit of the Five Minute Family, let’s explore five examples: Spouses – In Ephesians 5 we see the concept of love and respect. There truly is no room for selfishness in marriage. How would your marriage look if you considered your spouse as more important than yourself? Well, first of all, love and respect would be easier to express. Once that ball of love and respect gets rolling, so many other aspects of daily living fall into place. What if your children saw you holding your spouse in high regard?
Which leads us to… Parents to children – More often than not, parents will go to an extreme with their kids by either placing themselves too far above their children and stifling the child’s unique character OR by allowing the kids to walk all over one or both parents. Who’s really running the house? God’s wisdom allows us to help mold and shape our children as we seek how God has created them in the way they should go. We should not push or pull them, but, rather, lead them the way God leads. Children to parents -Ephesians 6:1 instructs, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.” Parents, you probably have heard or said that verse before to your children to get them to obey. Some kids will obey because they want to please their parents; other kids seem to desire the opposite. The “in the Lord” phrase of that verse speaks volumes. It encourages parents and children to both be in the Lord. God’s wisdom equalizes the equation and allows us to bring the focus off of our own
Good morning, Five Minute Families! How has this week been for you? It’s been a bit crazy for us! Let’s dive back into our discussion about biblical community. Listen to this story. A man went to church. He forgot to silence his phone and, of course, it rang during prayer. The pastor scolded him. The worshippers admonished him after prayers for interrupting the silence. His wife kept on lecturing him on his carelessness all the way home. One could see the shame, embarrassment, and humiliation on his face. After all this, he never stepped foot in the church again. That evening, he went to a bar. He was still nervous and trembling. He spilled his drink on the table by accident. The waiter apologized and gave him a napkin to clean himself. The janitor mopped the floor. The female manager offered him a complimentary drink. She also gave him a huge hug and a peck while saying, “Don’t worry man. Who doesn’t make mistakes?” He has not stopped going to that bar since then. Do your home and family sound more like the church scenario or the bar scenario? Romans 12:10 tells us to love one another deeply as brothers and sisters and outdo one another in showing honor. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, of course, but we must learn to live authentically, sharing our struggles with one another. James 5:16 encourages us to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that healing may begin. If we have a cut or scrap, just bandaging over it with all the dirt and damaged tissue left inside will cause the wound not to heal or to heal very badly. God knows that when we sin, if we do not bring that sin into the light and find true cleansing, it will harm us and those we say we love. We need to be authentic with one another in our struggles and in our triumphs. We need to be able to share our hopes and our fears. As Christians we are not to simply take in knowledge, but we are to encourage one another and we are also to pass along what we have learned. One way to do that is to be grace-filled. I love this example of being a grace-filled person: “A grace-filled person is someone who is so full of God’s love that they stop before they react out of anger to assess the situation and see if the person or situation is one that needs grace more than it needs anger.” Five minute families, ask yourself these five questions: Are your home and biblical community grace-filled? How do you react when people are open about their sins and struggles? Is there authenticity or a culture of pretending? How does your family or biblical community keep conflict open rather than suppressed? How do you express a sense of responsibility to and for one another?
We need God’s knowledge – the Truth of His Word, so that we can absorb it and know it. Sometimes – probably more often than we care to admit – we wrestle with it. Someone who works hard with their hands have visible marks of rough and strong hands. Have we wrestled enough – worked through the Scripture enough – that there is visible showing of His grace through our behavior toward one another? Are we visibly full of grace? Do we speak with faith? Are our hearts full of peace? When difficulties come, actively pursuing forgiveness and reconciliation illuminated by God’s truth is vital to a vibrant home life and biblical community. Marinate on these verses: 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. Romans 6:14 For sin will not rule over you, because you a not under the law but under grace. Christ’s power and our salvation is based on grace. As for me and my house, we choose grace, through Christ alone. We pray that you have a vibrant biblical community in which you can discuss those questions and meditate on those verses. We would love to help facilitate your biblical community in discipleship and
Good morning, Five Minute Families! We hope your week was filled with sweet blessings of fellowship and kindness. We had a wonderful weekend here at Clear View Retreat with a group of volunteers coming to help us continue to get the facility able to be open in the winter time. Believe it or not, winter will be here before we know it. If you want more information about what we do here at Clear View Retreat, please check us out at clearviewretreat.org. Last week we discussed koinonia – for a group of believers, we use the term biblical community. Here on the Five Minute Family, we have often encouraged you to put away your devices and connect to your loved ones. However, putting down your phone will do little for your family and for your biblical community if you heart isn’t right with the Lord. Looking at someone else on their phone when you have put yours down and assuming they are sinning, selfish, distracted, or any of those descriptors, will do nothing for biblical community. The first listed need in Wagner’s list of biblical community characteristic is for an individual believer to ‘devote daily to a personal relationship with Jesus.’ John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.” No matter where you go, some folks are having a rough go at it. Working folks are sick of the grind, stay-at-home parents are sick of the isolation and judgment, kids are tired of feeling like they can’t measure up to their parents’ or teachers’ or church leaders’ expectations. Someone listening here is dealing with mental health issues. Someone is being abused. Quite honestly, any relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy person in it. Turkle says in Reclaiming Conversation that “The case for conversation begins with the necessary conversations of solitude and self-reflection.” Self-reflection is key. Have you thought about how your personal relationship with Christ impacts your family and biblical community? Gal 5:13-15 tells us, “For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement: love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another.” Our family mantra is: do the right thing. How do you know what the right thing is unless you know the Truth? Hosea 6:3 says, “Let us strive to know the Lord. His appearance is as sure as the dawn. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring showers that water the land.” And Hosea 6:6 continues, “For I desire faithful love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” Hosea is encouraging us to know the Lord. Know what is right. Know how to live in biblical community. Know how to disconnect to reconnect. We need that personal time with the Lord, so we can have a knowledge of who He is, who we are, and how we can minister to others. To start as a disciple who cares (someone who cares) we have to make sure we have a personal connection to the truth – God’s Truth, which means we often have to come to realize the things we need to disconnect from and how to connect more with God. Sam Eaton said it this way, “The truth is, the only one inhibiting your ability to have strong, loving relationships is yourself (and your Netflix account).” So, we encourage each of listening this week to engage in self-reflection. Here are five prompts to get you started. Think, journal, or pray about a time you’ve been hurt and how God has brought you towards forgiveness. What is one goal you have to strengthen your relationship with God? What is one song that has really impacted your faith journey? What is a book that has greatly impacted your faith? When you think about reading the bible, what is the first...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has your week been so far? We pray that the Lord meets you today in a mighty and wonderful way so that you know His power and His hope and His glory. Alongside our key concept of intentional intimacy here at Clear View Retreat, we always encouraging families to disconnect to reconnect. Disconnect from technology and from other distractions in order to reconnect with the Lord and with your loved ones. A Greek word used several times throughout the New Testament is koinonia which means ‘Christian fellowship or communion, with God or, more commonly, with fellow Christians.’ A few synonyms for koininia are fellowship association community communion joint participation or intimacy
Listen and contemplate these Bible verses. We are going to highlight the koinonia words as we read: 1 Corinthians 1:9 – God is faithful; you were called by him into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians 10:16 – The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a sharing in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a sharing in the body of Christ? Philippians 1:5 – because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 2:1 If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any affection and mercy, Philippians 3:10 – My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, 1 John 1:3 – what we have seen and heard we also declare to you, so that you may also have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:6 – If we say, “We have fellowship with him,” and yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth. Philemon 1:6 – I pray that your participation in the faith may become effective through knowing every good thing that is in us for the glory of Christ. What trends are running through those verses beyond the koinonia definition we mentioned earlier? A calling into fellowship and into community Deep communion with the Father, through Christ and in Christ, knowing even his suffering Partnering and participating in the gospel Sharing Christ with one another Being united in the Spirit with intentional purpose And Practicing the truth together
John 13:34 encourages us to love one another as Christ has loved us. And, Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” Easy, right? How do we even do that? Have any of you chopped wood? Have you ever done it with a dull axe? You wear yourself out using a dull tool. That’s why God uses the analogy of iron sharpening iron. Even in loving we can grow weary and tired. That is normal; that is humanity. So, we must sharpen our axes through the fellowship of biblical community. A favorite quote of mine is from Charles Swindoll: “A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.” Families are on the front lines, and the front lines need and deserve support, encouragement, and koinonia. Essentially, we need and are designed for biblical community. Please note that Christ is the head and connected to our community. He is NOT the priority of the biblical community. He is the REASON for it. He is preeminent. Biblical community based on saints who care and disciple another and who give and receive instruction in order to proclaim the truth. To connect to one another we must make time for each other. That’s why we launched the Five Minute Family initiative. We must realize the importance of the smallest of moments. Those smallest of moments and those large nuggets of time all take intentionality. Begin with those five minutes a day and see what God will do. Take...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is wonderful to joining you this first Tuesday of July 2020. This year has brought so many challenges and difficulties as well as unexpected blessings. We pray that God has shown you His power and might through all the unknowns. This morning we would like to chat about family freedom. First, let’s define freedom. Freedom means “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.” So often in life we do not actually have the freedoms we think we do. We all answer to someone, somehow. With July 4th being last weekend, many pastors and evangelists were pointing out the freedom we have in Christ Jesus. He paid for our sins, and we are free from the eternal consequences of them. But, as most of us have found out one way or another, the earthly consequences will, in all likelihood, still come. Because of the consequences of bad behavior at work or in some public space, many of us do not feel free to truly be ourselves or act the way we want. Thus, unfortunately, many of us “let it all go” when we’re get home. Just as we addressed last week, we give over to our first thoughts instead of pausing and focusing instead on God thoughts. There is balance to be found between sharing our true feelings and thoughts with learning to pause and respond well in God’s manner. Turning your mind to God thoughts does not mean ignoring all your hurts, needs, or wants. Focusing on God thoughts is not meant to remove the unique qualities He placed in you. God thoughts are meant to better who He made YOU to be, to allow you and your family members the freedom to explore the full meaning of John 8:36, “So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” Let us give you an example of what we mean. The other night at dinner one of our sons said something that we both thought was said simply to scare his youngest brother, but the one who said it was so upset by our admonishment that we had to take a step back, figuratively, and ask him if he truly believed what he had just said. He fully believed it; it was a typical false belief about Satan and darkness. Once we realized that we needed to help him understand the truth about evil and darkness, we also knew we needed to repair the damage we had done by the admonishment. We had to explain that we were not upset but glad he had spoken what he believed to be true. False beliefs cannot be explained and reevaluated if they are never brought up and discussed. God instructs parents to provide love, learning, necessities, and more. One of the things we need to provide is family freedom. This allows both parent and child to grow in their knowledge of each other and for the parent to prayerfully consider the way the Lord is guiding the child and grow to a deeper understanding of God’s purpose and plan for the child. A Five Minute Family must have a home in which everyone is allowed to: Communicate their hopes and dreams, Confess their mistakes, Express their fears, Ask their questions, And share what they have learned. When we encouraged you last week to pause after your first thoughts and work toward only responding with God thoughts, it was not to stifle who you are or to remove the freedom we all so desperately need in life. No, God thoughts give us MORE freedom because we know that those who love us will be understanding and kind when we make mistakes. (Of course, sometimes we laugh, too, but not AT each other, only WITH each other). God thoughts in a family allow us MORE freedom to be ourselves because we know that those around us will lift us up and we know that God has so much more planned for our uniqueness than the limits we place. Is your family living in freedom? Are you seeking God and His ways – His thoughts – to build each other up? Begin today with just five minutes of mediation on His word and then sharing those thoughts with your loved ones. May you see the power of the Creator and the freedom...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us today. If you would like more information about the ministry we lead at Clear View Retreat, please check us out at www.clearviewretreat.org. Today we wanna talk about an old saying that has been attributed to a number of different people, so we can’t give proper credit, but the saying goes, “Good, better, best, never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.” In our walk with Christ, through our daily living, interacting with others, ourselves, and God, we should strive to be more Christ-like. Christ demonstrated the best relationships and perfect life for us as our model. It is through the process of sanctification and growth in love, that we can start to think like Christ. God tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:15 to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” We start to realize that: Our first thoughts are often not our best thoughts, so, never let it rest until our first thoughts are God thoughts and those are best. When your child has disobeyed you deliberately for the 5th time that day… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts? When your spouse has ignored you because of a fight from five days ago… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts? When you are overwhelmed and tired and still something else needs to be done for a loved one… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts? You see, Five Minute Families, if we don’t take the time to take our first thoughts captive as God tells us and then choose to meditate on His Word to decide how to move forward or how to respond, we often end up in defeat, irritation, or even condemnation. So many places of hurt and additional challenges will arise if we do not remember that while we are new creations when we have been saved by Christ, we are still on this earthly journey. Our flesh and natural first thoughts will still rear their ugly heads. One modern example of not giving over to first thoughts can be seen time and again in social media. Averaged across demographics over 80% of adults in the United States have a mobile device and at least half of those – and probably more if the numbers based out of the UK are an accurate reflection – are smartphones. That means that we all have social media at our fingertips. Think about social media and first thoughts versus God thoughts. Facebook asks us, “what’s one your mind?” But, should we always answer that question aloud to anyone but the Lord? We all have at least one friend who spouts off and overshares on social media, often deleting or regretting his or her post. Five minute families must choose to do better. One way we tried to deal with this in our home was by removing phones, tablets, or computers immediately if the boys got in trouble. Of course, the kids thought this was a punishment. However, that was not our motivation, although continued removal sometimes was necessary for discipline. Removal of their attachments to social media and friends via text and messaging was because we knew as adults their first thought might be to send a frustrated message to a friend or possibly post a rude comment online. Those immediate rants could then later open them up to continuing the hurt or negative situation even after the pain may have subsided or the situation may have been resolved. Setting our kids up for success in learning how to deal with first thoughts versus God thoughts takes thinking about each past and future potential situation and seeing how we can help them navigate those difficult moments. We must resolve to remind our families about God when we sit in our houses and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down and when we rise up. Please head over to our blog or facebook page to share with us your ideas about first thoughts versus God thoughts. We appreciate your letting us be a part of your morning, and we pray that God will fill you with
Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are so glad to be with you again this morning. Today we are closing out our three-week discussion of marriage. We are tackling one of the biggest and most troublesome parts of marriage, communication. But before we go there, we want you to ask yourself, “have I given my marriage an intentional five minutes MORE to connect with my spouse and build a stronger family for God’s kingdom? One of the reasons we ask that question is to look more to the purpose and not just the mechanics of marriage. Where is your heart in all that you say and do? We know so many couples that choose to read books, listen to podcasts, or go to conferences to gain more knowledge about how to have a better marriage, but they never stop to look at the reason why. Probably the biggest skill sets taught at marriage conferences and events are communication skills. Don’t get us wrong, I am a communication major and Jim is a counselor. Communication skills and research matter greatly to both of us. It is by applying communication skills and practices that I learned in my college classes that Jim and I are able to choose to engage in conversation even when there is conflict. Those skills have served us when hurts and tragedies surrounded us, and I was floundering greatly. Applying the communication skill of “What I heard you say is…” saved us many hours, days, or weeks of hurt because we were able to address the issue immediately. (check out our March 31 blog on listening for more information if you don’t know what the “What I heard you say is…” skill involves). But, we all must realize that communication is more than a set of skills to be learned; communication – especially in marriage – is a heart’s attitude showing you value the person with whom you are communicating. If you have ever seen the movie Fireproof, you would have heard about the Love Dare. As the character is going through the motions of the Love Dare, doing and saying certain things to “win her back,” at one point he gets frustrated that his wife is not responding. The lead character’s father points out that his heart isn’t really in it. Where is your heart when you communicate with your spouse? Are you listening fully and trying to understand, or are you waiting for him to hurry up and finish so you can get back to your Amazon Prime Video? Applying Ephesians 4:29 which says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” can be hard when we are home after a long day of controlling our tongues with the annoying work colleague or a long day of dealing with children who neither listen nor understand when they do. We so often slip into the “social media” way of communicating. You know, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, and expecting a non-committal “I’m sorry” afterward to suffice for our inherently bad behavior. We would like to highlight five points that can radically change your marital communication: First, always pray before addressing an issue with your spouse (and, well, with anyone really). Second – and also before addressing any situation, ask yourself if this is a potentially explosive topic that might need to be discussed at a different, prescribed time. Next, make sure you choose your words carefully. Take a moment to make sure the word you are choosing is the one that best conveys your thoughts AND remember to choose words that you know will help your spouse better understand you. Number 4, please remember that your joking may not be as innocently taken as you intend it to be. Finally, if you are already in the heat of the moment of conflict, remember that is never too late to do that right thing.
We ask again, where is your heart’s focus when you communicate with your spouse? Are the words of your mouth acceptable to the Lord? Are you being intentional, kind, and caring with your thoughts as well as your words?...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! What five minutes a day are you intentionally investing into your family members to make an impact for the kingdom of God? We hold the power in our hands to make a difference in the lives of our loved ones. Five minutes. Five intentional minutes a day to make an impact that lasts a lifetime. Please join us as we expand on that concept today as we continue to chat about marriage. In a study conducted by Ed Diener the happiest 10 percent of the participants all had strong supportive relationships. A strong social network didn’t guarantee happiness, but it was a requirement to be in the happiest group. Happy people have strong social relationships. Likewise, in the Sainsbury’s Living Well Index study 73 percent of those who classify themselves as having a high quality of life report having strong support networks. Who is your strong supporter? Proverbs 16:20 reminds us, “He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.” God should be our first and preeminent relationship. And, God encourages us to invest in relationships with his many one anothering statements and His establishment of marriage. We are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves. And, Five Minute Families, our closest neighbor is always going to be our spouse. We must choose to show love and respect to our spouses every day. While five minutes a day is a good start if you have been distant or you are in an excessively busy season of life (it happens, it’s ok.), but, in marriage, the five minutes we are talking about is the concept of five minutes MORE. Five minutes more. Five minutes more when he is frustrated with an issue from work. Five minutes more when she is feeling unheard. Five minutes more when he has been disrespected. Five minutes more when she has been left unloved. You see, we all fail each other. No matter how hard we try, we will fail our spouse, and no matter how hard our spouse tries, he or she will fail us. God’s grace covers a multitude of sins. How many times have you heard that marriage is 50/50? That is a faulty thought process. The problem is that a gap forms as soon as someone gives less than 50% – a gap that sometimes seems insurmountable. If, however, Christian spouses choose to have a goal of giving 100% of themselves, then, when one gives less than that due to stresses, health issues, or even just fatigue, then there is no gap. The other spouse is covering that area, and since they both have made great strides in effort, the spouse who needs a break for a little while, is able to come back later at 100%. But, wait, you say. How am I supposed to give 100%? 100% means you are LISTENING when your spouse is SPEAKING. 100% means you try to understand what fascinates your spouse about a subject even if it doesn’t interest you. 100% means you do your role in the marriage to the best of your ability, not being lazy or assuming your spouse will pick up your slack all the time. 100% means studying your spouse for the little things that make him or her smile and then wanting to do those things. And, when you don’t want to give 100%, well, 100% means turning to God again and again and again, knowing He will guide yours actions and show you what to do next. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” God is the third strand – our strength! Thank you for joining us this morning, and remember, sometimes, you must be willing to give just five minutes MORE. Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may...
Good morning, Five Minute Families! Our oldest is getting married this weekend, and we are seeing so many posts of June weddings! A strong marriage is the foundation of a strong family. At Clear View Retreat we enjoy supporting and mentoring marriages, watching husbands and wives grow in understanding of each other and God’s purpose for marriage. Marriage is more than who we like or who makes our hearts pitter-pat the most. Marriage is an opportunity to mirror God’s image. Genesis tells us, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Today, let’s discuss five aspects of building a strong marriage which will mirror the image of God. Marriage requires commitment. God is committed to us. The Bible demonstrates this in verse after verse. Philippians 1:6 reminds us, “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” When we adopt God’s commitment in our marriages, we see that when the warm fuzzies have faded and chaos of life invades, true love – rooted in God’s example of commitment – allows a couple to commit again to one another. Then, the couple has the endurance and patience to continue to weave a life of one flesh as Genesis says we must. Marriage needs compassion. We each have different experiences and perspectives. We must have compassion and choose to better understand one another and the different roles we have in a Christian marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 tells us, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” A good explanation of that verse is from Knowing-Jesus.com: “Weakness [in 1 Peter 3:7] does not imply inferiority and nowhere in the Bible is this concept ever implied, which is why Christian husbands just like Christian wives are to live together in an understanding way. A husband is to treat his wife as someone who is weaker, because she is a woman and to show her honor as a fellow heir.” Men and women are equal in God’s kingdom, but we are created differently. Marriage involves a third element: care through protection. While we are husband and wife, as Christians we are also fellow believers. We must remember the numerous verses of one-anothering as exampled in Matthew 23:23-26 wherein we must practice justice, mercy, and faithfulness with one another, and in John 13:14 where we are encouraged to serve one another, and in Acts 2:42-47 where we are to learn, share, and worship with one another. In marriage, one way in which we one-another is to care for and protect the heart of our spouse. We must choose to avoid offending one another and we must choose to protect the marriage vows by avoiding placing ourselves in tempting situations. Marriage needs consistency. What’s that old joke? I told ya I loved ya on our wedding day. If it ever changes, I’ll let you know. That doesn’t really work, does it? No, marriage needs consistency. “Inconsistency creates turmoil.” 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Being consist to share your heart and share Bible readings and studies, being consist to have some one-on-one time each week, being consist to be honest, open, and transparent with one another will create consistent results of a positive, God-honoring relationship. Finally, remember that marriage needs consideration. In Proverbs 21:9 we read that it is “better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” None of us want to be nagging the other. Instead we must adopt the attitude of Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” When we stop to consider what our...
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We broadcast weekly here on WECO radio out of Wartburg TN, and can be heard and read on clearviewtreat.org by clicking on our blog tab. Thank you for joining us this morning as we continue to explore how God is gracious, loving, and giving to families throughout history. At the beginning of May, we talked about family identity and how we can connect with God to help shape our family identity. A big part of that identity is our family story. As I was doing my daily reading, I came across Psalm 78:1-4. Listen to the words of God: My people, hear my instruction; listen to the words from my mouth. 2 I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past— 3 things we have heard and known and that our ancestors have passed down to us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, but will tell a future generation the praiseworthy acts of the Lord, his might, and the wondrous works he has performed. What can we learn from these verses? A lot, of course! We always have the opportunity to learn great things from God’s Word and can and should share that with our families. What is your family story? Where has God touched your lives and shaped who you are? Let’s follow how Psalm 78 directs us: As a family, do we hear? Is there a time as a family that we discuss the Word of God – discuss His instructions? Yes, we should be together in church as a family and learning there, but is that where things stop? Never. I do hope that Sunday mornings, some Sunday evenings, and possibly even Wednesdays evenings are not your only times of family hearing. With the schedules of life, we find that one of the best times to discuss something is together at the dinner table. Here is an important reminder: Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers to all the questions out there. It’s okay to write down questions, do research (be a berean – see Acts 17:10-11), and ask a mentor, pastor, or trusted spiritual friend. Hear together. As a family, do we declare? In a world of information overload, are we declaring God’s wisdom or the world’s? During family discussions we have the opportunity to speak God’s truths into our lives and families. Who we are in Christ and who we are to Christ – are two great examples of speaking the mysteries of God. Chew on that as a family, and be a family that is set free by the Truth. As a family, do we pass down? Do we talk about our spiritual heritage? Do we know our family spiritual heritage? I know without the faithful prayers of my mother, my life would not be the same. What has she gone through that has challenged, shaped, and increased her faith? Her parents were settlers on western land and had many challenges we can never imagine. Do we share those stories? Plan a time to call your parents and grandparents, and glean from them your spiritual heritage. Parents, remember to share those stories with your children. As a family, do we tell? Flowing from our family’s past, we should be motivated to write and tell about our family future. Maybe your past is fraught with failures and pains, but has God brought victory through the struggles? Can we see and tell of the mercy God has bestowed in our family story? We have seen where a lot of people hide from the past because of their pain and embarrassment, but we have also seen the beauty of God’s greater story in the midst of their family story. May you pass down the glory of God in your family story. As a family, do we praise? Parents, tell your children the praiseworthy acts of God. As your family story comes together, it will often look like a mixed up tapestry of individual materials all thrown together or a stained glass window full of broken pieces of glass that, up close, may not make a lot of sense. But, step back, look at the whole tapestry, the whole window,
Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is wonderful to be back with you today. We are thankful for each of you and want to share with you how to connect further with us. We are Jim and Kim from Clear View Retreat. Just as Paul shared his life with his readers, so we too want to share life and Jesus with you all. May God richly bless you in your pursuit of Him. Let’s dive into today’s topic. How do you help one another when someone in your household is sick? There are great suggestions online about how your family could serve another family in their time of need, but what do you do when the need is within your own home? We’ve all heard the jokes comparing when mom gets sick versus anyone else in the household. But, the reality is that we each have unique roles to play in our homes – kids included, and when one person is sick, it impacts us all. And, as a Five Minute Family, working toward finding those nuggets of time to demonstrate God’s love to the family He placed you in, is important. Let’s look at how you can minister to your sick loved one, even in the busy-ness of your own requirements and expectations. Here at Clear View Retreat we speak often of one-anothering. The Bible is full of verses that inspire us to act in relation to one another. Instead of feeling inconvenienced when someone in the family is sick, we need to remember five of God’s one anothering statements. John 13:14 Serve one another. When one family member serves another, it reminds each of us that Jesus served. When someone is sick, taking the time to think of what he or she might want to drink or eat, says that you were willing to set aside your own desires for the moment. It doesn’t take five minutes to make your sick family member a plate of food and bring it to them. 1 Corinthians 12:26 Suffer with one another. Recently, I had a yet another reaction to another medication that was supposed to help me. I felt defeated and like this health trial would never end. I started crying in front of my entire household. One of my sons sat next to me, put his arm around me, and let me cry. He didn’t try to fix it or cheer me up. He just sat with me. It took about two minutes of his time, but his gesture continues to minister to me today. I felt seen and heard and validated in my pain. Acts 6:1-7 Care for one another. Sometimes, a sick family member takes more than just bringing them fluids and food. Extra trips to the store or the doctor’s office may be necessary. For kiddos, that may mean extra time away from your mom or dad. One of the best things kids can do for their parents if one is sick, is to be kind to their other siblings. If one of the other kiddos are sick, mom or dad must remember to cuddle up to the healthy child and remind him or her that they are important too. Galatians 6:1-3 Carry each other’s burdens. We had a big celebration party planned, and I was too sick to do the edging of our walk and driveway. I really like the finished look of an edged lawn. But, I just couldn’t do it. My sweet husband could not have cared less if the lawn is edged or not. Mowed and weedeated, yes, but edging was my thing. However, because I could not do it, and he knew it mattered to me, he took the extra time to edge, not because I asked him but because he wanted to ease my burden. Hebrews 10:25 Encourage one another. Five Minute Family, maybe there isn’t anything you can DO in the moment. Your loved one is going to have to go through the pain and process of whatever is ailing them. But, you can always choose to encourage each other. Maybe you write some of the sick family member’s favorite verses on notes and leave them for him or her to find. Maybe you choose to take an extra moment to smile when you are concerned, to hug when you are scared, or to laugh when you know you might cry. Bringing encouragement makes even the heaviest of days lighter. May God bless your family with health and well-being, and may you know the sweet power
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is so wonderful to hear what God is doing through families who choose to put Him foremost in their lives through this five minutes of radio. We would love to hear from you, too! Please comment on our blog at clearviewretreat.org or drop us a comment on our facebook page for Clear View Retreat. As the hustle and bustle of our previous lives … oh, so slowly returns, wise families have taken time to reflect on what they really want to allow back in. But, hey, let’s be honest. We are all gonna be like kids in a candy-store. We will try to do “all the things we couldn’t do.” Some of those things can and should be added back in – visits with loved ones and work, which IS essential to us all. Some of those events and outings will be exciting. But, remember to be careful of the distractions. We will begin again to spend time with missed friends and organize playdates, but we should not forget the peace and calm that came from the Great Pause. Take your time to choose activities that will truly continue to enhance your family’s identity in Christ. And that brings us to our main topic for today. For the past four weeks, we have tried to give you an overview of what we do out here at a Clear View Retreat Weekend Family Camp with those who choose to step away from the commotion of everyday life, disconnecting from all the distractions to reconnect with one another in meaningful and lasting ways. Hopefully, you have followed along with us as we explored the family identity, assessing that identity in light of God’s Truth, and adjusting those perspectives to better match God’s plan and purpose. Now, we would like to encourage our Five Minute Family listeners to take the time to chat with your family about what new things God is revealing to each of them. Read together. Colossians 3:14, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” and Romans 12:10, “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Take a moment after reading and ask how those verses apply to your family? Jesus told stories, and he used those stories to guide his message. We use individual identifiers to label those stories… the Samaritan, the Son, the servant… wait. We actually call those stories something else, don’t we? They are the Good Samaritan, the Prodigal Son, the Faithful Servant. Those describing words mean a lot. They convey to the world a message about this person. As a family, look at some adjectives, in this case, actually, they are core values, but see what your family is being called to focus on. This qualifier you choose could be something you are hoping to work on as a family, or it could be something from the past that binds you in a unique way. We will have a chart with over three dozen words online at the blog that you can check out, and here are five different categories of adjectives you could use: You can choose a simple descriptive word which describes or classifies your family in an objective and nonjudgmental way. Words here such as trustworthy, forgiving, or honest Your family might want a demonstrative word; one that serves as conclusive evidence of something that matters to you. One example is hopeful because of the difficult events you have survived together as a family. Another word would be mission-minded. Maybe as a family you want a possessive descriptor denoting ownership of each other no matter what happens… a word such as united or committed would work best for you. Some families challenge one another often bringing up interrogative-type words. Words such as inquisitive, curious, or even teachable. The final category you might want to explore is distributive. In law, this term refers to being concerned with the way in which things are shared between people. Fitting words would be friendly, ethical, disciplined, or united.
If we said we are ‘the baseball family,’...
TRANSCRIPT: Thank you for joining us for Five Minute Families brought to you by Clear View Retreat, a family retreat ministry that exists to transform the way families and close communities relate with one another through our Family Camp program as well as marriage, ministry leader, & grief retreats. It is wonderful to be back with you this morning. With all the changing information and attitudes and behaviors, it is fitting that we come to our overview of Session 3 for Clear View Retreat’s weekend Family Camp program. Session 3 is all about adjustment. As we all know, adjustments can be hard; they can be overwhelming, and sometimes, they seem downright impossible. Let’s take some of the difficult parts of making adjustments and break them down into manageable snippets. Remember, we call this spot Five Minute Families for a reason. We want each and every family to know that we are all just five minutes away from making profound and lasting positive impacts on our family, on the community, and on generations to come. At Family Camp, after recognizing our family’s current identity and then assessing that identity in light of God’s word, we must begin to adjust our perspectives to better align with God’s. Let us give you an example… If I believe I can fly and I think that I can fly and then I act on that belief and thought, I will be harmed. No matter what I believe, no matter what I think… God’s truth supersedes it all. Which, in our example, means God’s ordained earthly forces will come into play and gravity will cause your flight pattern to be non-existent. Just because you believe something does not make it true. John 8:32 says, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Know truth. Teach truth. Encourage truth. God’s truth never changes, but our understanding of it does. Thus, it is incumbent upon us to change our perspective to match God’s. How do we do that as a family? Our pastor Sunday morning said, “To have a Christian marriage, you must be pursuing Christ.” And, the same is true of the whole family… To have a Christian family, you must be pursuing Christ. Pursuing Christ requires us to adjust our false or limited perspectives. Here are five ways to begin to change your perspective: Read God’s word daily. Take it a step further and memorize one verse per week. At the end of one year, you would have 52 verses memorized. For those of you who haven’t had kiddos yet, what if you were to start when your child was born? By the time he or she was 18, you would have 963 verses in which to pour into your child, your family, and, of course, yourself. Discuss daily events together and challenge each other to see God’s hand in both the good and bad. Apply God’s Word to some of those discussions, and you can task one another to see what biblical character fits best with the current situation and how did they handle it. Keep a family journal of prayer requests. Have that journal available often – for additions and for tracking answers to prayer requests. Take time to reflect on those prayers and share your story of family faith. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Play praise music when you are working together. Even if you aren’t a good singer, it is good for your family to see and hear you sing praises even in the daily tasks of life. And, if your singing is really that bad, turning up the radio can help you feel more comfortable and expressive. If your children are younger, learn those great kid worship songs and connect with your kids as they grow and have new and different tastes. Share daily at least one thing you are grateful for. Dinner times are a great time of thanksgiving. We are currently sharing about “heroes” from everyday life; folks who have...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is wonderful to join you again this week as we dive into one of our curriculum here at Clear View Retreat. Last week, we began the discussion about session 2 of Family Camp. If you missed the last two weeks, please go to our blog at www.clearviewretreat.org/welcome/blog. We have the audio, transcript, and an image that you can use if you desire. Let’s jump into today. When we review in depth about intentional intimacy – which as you’ll remember is the desire to know and be known by another for the glory of God – we must understand that there are different aspects to intimacy. Experts divide the intimacies many different ways. We choose to classify simply them in four ways: spiritual, physical, emotional, and intellectual. – I know, I know, you thought we would say five, but we don’t work everything in fives, it just seems that way sometimes. Spiritual intimacy is not just about your relationship with God, though, of course, that is the most important relationship you will ever have. Spiritual intimacy is also about accepting your godly role in your family and fulfilling it to the best of your ability and about building your family members up in their relationships with God. Physical intimacy is not just the obvious between husband and wife. It is the simple things of hugs and back rubs, holding hands and reassuring pats on the shoulder. Physical intimacy includes smiles instead of frowns and even the tone of voice you use on a regular basis. Emotional intimacy begins with extending grace and mercy. Emotional intimacy involves controlling your temper when you are angry OR controlling your response when someone has an outburst in their anger. Emotional intimacy is more than just being able to share our deepest thoughts and feelings, it may also be understanding that sometimes our loved one only shares his or her deepest thoughts and feelings with the Lord. When you play games together or learn new skills together, you and your loved one are sharing intellectual intimacy. When you challenge each other in opinions and work to understand each other’s differing points of view, you are deepening your intellectual intimacy. Ephesians 4:2-3 encourages us “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” When we are intentional in the four areas of intimacy, we can be more united for the kingdom of Christ. As we explore the intimacies, you must understand that each member of your family will hold different beliefs about your actions, their actions, about the Lord, and about the world around them. Romans 12:2 challenges us not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Renewing our minds is often much more difficult than we realize. Mostly because, many of us focus on behavior modification. We have all heard the adage “it takes 21 days to create a habit.” However, the reason many of us fail at behavior modification is that we are not getting to the heart of the issue. The beliefs we hold drive our thoughts, and our thoughts drive our actions. Without being intimate with the Lord and letting Him reveal our false beliefs, you can never experience the full depths of intimacy that the Lord allows in our earthly relationships. Self-evaluation is fundamental in a Five Minute Family. If you don’t know what is driving you, you will sabotage your own efforts to deepen your relationships. Think of Anakin from Star Wars for a moment. He believed that he had to do certain things in order to save his wife and child, yet because his actions came from false beliefs, he ultimately destroys his wife in the end. So often, folks want to succeed in a relationship, but they are blinded to their own very behavior that is keeping them from thriving. Five Minute...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has your week been? We pray that God’s presence has been apparent in your family life as you intentionally invest the time it takes to build a strong family. Last week we began a multi-part introduction to Clear View Retreat’s Family Camp. We want to build families up, whether you are able to come visit us here or not, so we started with our session one in which we encouraged you to reflect on your family identity – to take time to find the common element that connects you to one another. We have had families at a CVR Family Camp say they are ‘The Football Family,’ ‘The Gaming Family,’ or ‘The Serving Family,’ to name a few. Now, we are going to assess where God is in the midst of our family identities. When no one is watching, do we Christ-following families relate to each other like the world relates to each other? Think for a moment about the influences of television, movies, and more. There is the sarcastic, too pushy, over-the-top behaviors — all for a laugh or some reaction from the audience. Now, with social media, we all have an audience, ALL THE TIME. We can also have anonymity but we still have an audience. Whether we are the audience or we have an audience, we are influenced more and more by outside appearances. Remember, the world’s standards are not the same as the Lord’s. Philippians 2:1-5 says, “If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, make my joy complete by thinking the same way, having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others. Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus.” Simply put, we are to be like Christ. God created us for relationship, and He desires we exemplify Him in those relationships. Five Minute Families, take some time this week to imagine out loud what you think the ideal Christian family living today would look like if they fully followed biblical standards. Now, we are not encouraging legalistic behavior here, simply grace-filled hearts and attitudes. As families take the time to assess their family life and attitudes, session 2 of CVR Family Camp dives first into a complete understanding of what intentional intimacy is. In fact, the key concept of everything we do in our family and in our ministry is intentional intimacy. So, what is that? Intentional is an adjective that describes something that is being “done on purpose” or something you deliberately choose to do. Intimacy means closeness or friendship. At Clear View Retreat we define the concept of intentional intimacy as “the desire to know and to be known by another for the glory of God.” When we choose to live a life in which we intentionally interact with our loved ones, choosing to deepen our understanding of who God created him or her to be, we are choosing intentional intimacy. God gave us the ultimate expression of intentional intimacy when Jesus came to earth in human form, fully man and fully God, and He built relationships with His disciples and taught us all to reach beyond our personal feelings. Jesus was the definitive manifestation of grace and mercy. Five Minute Families must understand that extending mercy, which is the act of withholding deserved punishment and showing grace, which is the act of endowing unmerited favor, are the best ways to move through day-to-day living. Ask yourself a few questions to begin your family assessment: Do you truly desire to be known by your family members? Do you desire to better know your loved ones for the glory of God?
While those first two questions are technically yes or no questions, be sure to ask yourself why your gut reaction was yes or no. What worldly influences are...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning’s Five Minute Family. If you would like to know more about Clear View Retreat, the sponsor of our time with you, please check out more information at clearviewretreat.org. An article I read this morning referred to this period in history as “The Great Pause.” How apt a descriptor. The Great Pause. As we discussed last week, many families are seeing so many positives of this forced slow down. The Great Pause is giving us each a chance to reflect on what we really want out of life. Here is a quote from the article: “From one citizen to another, I beg of you: Take a deep breath, ignore the deafening noise, and think deeply about what you want to put back into your life. This is our chance to define a new version of normal, a rare and truly sacred (yes, sacred) opportunity … to only bring back what works for us, what makes our lives richer, what makes our kids happier, what makes us truly proud. … We care deeply about one another. That is clear. That can be seen in every supportive Facebook post, in every meal dropped off for a neighbor, in every Zoom birthday party. … we want to define — on our own terms — what this country looks like in five, 10, 50 years. This is our chance to do that, the biggest one we have ever gotten. And the best one we’ll ever get. We can do that on a personal scale in our homes, in how we choose to spend our family time on nights and weekends, what we watch, what we listen to, what we eat, and what we choose to spend our dollars on and where.” With that profound thought in mind, this week, and for the three weeks following, we would like to introduce you to each of the four sessions for a Clear View Retreat Family Camp weekend. We begin by encouraging families to take time to reflect on who they are. Each individual family member affects the others deeply. We are experiencing life together, which means we have a family identity. Think for a moment on what your family likes to do together most. Do you play basketball (and those who don’t play love to watch and cheer you on)? Do you enjoy play board games together? Maybe your family acts, gardens, blacksmiths, crafts, travels… well, you get the idea. How would you identify your family? Having a family identity that allows us to look at each other’s uniqueness and still weave a story of togetherness is important. We don’t want to just take up space together. Remember Ephesians 4:16 applies to families, too: “From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part.” For example, our family… we are the Nestles. Our children are identified throughout our different communities as “the Nestle Boys.” We all love StarWars. But, maybe, like us, it will be hard at first to see what connects you together. The first time we had this discussion with our boys, they could not see a common thread. As they listed their own individual interests, we realized that we are each creative, though in different ways – AND supportive of each other’s creativity. So, we called ourselves The Creative Family. A couple we know call themselves geeks because they love movies and plays and reviewing those things together. They share a large portion of their family story by identifying as movie geeks. Here are five questions you can ask to start figuring out what your family identity is: What big family story we do we all like to tell? What do we like to do together? What do we all have in common? What traditions do we each enjoy? What do other people think of when they think of our family?
Be sure as you have this family discussion time, you focus on making sure everyone gets to share their opinion without judgment. (Remember our communication model and listening spot from a couple of weeks ago) And, write the different ideas down. You don’t have to decide
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. We come to you from Clear View Retreat – a non-profit organization that ministers to families in the norms and storms of life. The pandemic closures have caused numerous challenges for all of us, but we know that God will be glorified. Amid this COVID chaos, many people have experienced fears and financial difficulties to name a few. Y’all, as Steve Austin of 180degreesministries and the book “Getting Your Life on Target” would say, “EVERYTHING is always all about God.” “Everything is ALWAYS all about God.” “Everything is always all about GOD.” Now, Steve would have done it enough to stress each word, but you get the idea. Basically, we must choose this day whom we will serve. Five Minute Family, can you say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” even during a pandemic? Does your family still live life and life abundantly? I asked my facebook friends on Saturday to share one word to describe their family life right now. While it is true that these times can be described as stressful, heartbreaking, and divided, almost 90% of the descriptions were positive, despite the shortages and concerns. Intentional (our personal favorite), cozy, sacred, home, and blessed were a few of them. Most of them could be grouped into five categories. So, in the midst of the COVID CHAOS, we bring you the top five ways folks are “counting it all joy” as encouraged in James 1:2. We are using the word CHAOS for our top five categories acronym because all things – even covid chaos – work together for the good of those who love the Lord. First in our acronym is C. Many people labeled their time as calm and peaceful. John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” Five Minute Families, when we rest in God’s peace and allow the simplicity of the moment to bless us, we bring more to the world than we can with all our busy-ness. One of the top two categories falls under H for happy and joyful. Being content in all different kinds of circumstances can be a challenge, but it is wonderful to hear how many families are striving hard after John 15:11 – “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” During this time, we should seek to create sweet memories that will last a lifetime. Next is A. Some folks described their family life as adapting and adjusting. Being uncertain often brings out the worst in people, but most folks are allowing themselves to thrive in unusual spaces and places. Paul illustrated this in 1 Corinthians 9:19-20 – “For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law.” Most families are focused on the constructive elements of togetherness which brings us to the O in chaos – others. Romans 12:10 urges us to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.” Using this time to reconnect with your family members, even the ones you are isolated away from, is extremely important. Making those intentional calls and video chats is vital to bonding and having a united, cohesive family. Finally, we have S for supportive and protecting the needy. Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” Church, realize that people are watching. As so many memes are illustrating, this is our time to show the world that the Church is not a building. We are God’s people. For some, that means continuing to work as needed since they are considered essential but for others that means staying home as requested. We don’t want to debate the right or wrong of
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. While covid-19 concerns still abound, here at Clear View Retreat we are encouraged by hearing about the game nights, family dinners, puzzle times, and more. Families are spending less time arguing and more time building one another up. Instead of the attitude of “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye,” families are choosing to make lemonade! We must CHOOSE to add the sweetness in our relationships, not just attack each other. One way to do this is to engage in active listening. Last week, one of our sons pointed out how we were all getting testy with each other. We discussed fears & frustrations and irritations & needs brought on by the massive changes in our society at this time. Once I started verbalizing all the pieces, I realized how overwhelming it all felt; though beforehand, I would have said that the pandemic wasn’t really affecting me much. Facing the challenges and verbalizing them to someone who was actively listening has been freeing. After the discussion I mentioned that he had learned the skill of listening well. My son was incredulous. He said it was not a skill. YOU. JUST. LISTEN. However, we never JUST listen. We can JUST hear, but we cannot JUST listen. Hearing is the physical act of receiving sound to your ear whereas listening is the act of paying attention to what someone is communicating to you. Even in American Sign Language, wherein hearing cannot occur, the person who is signing uses many physical signs as well as other nonverbal cues to convey their full meaning. Listening involves a sender and a receiver. Noises and nonverbal cues can interrupt, enhance, or even change the message being conveyed. Additionally, each person has many thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are running through their heads as they try to process the message. Listening can be complicated at times. Thus, Five Minute Families must choose to intentionally listen to one another to make sure relationships strengthen, especially during this potentially troubling time. Here are five suggestions to get you started. Be attentive. Make eye contact and lovingly ask your child or spouse to do the same. Press pause and put down your device. Parents, this starts with you. Set the example. If it has not been a habit to have each person look up from their devices when speaking to one another, remember to be gentle and offer kind reminders that each person needs to do this. Be aware of noises. Literal noises such as fans and music can cause your message to be interrupted. Figurative noises such as physical pain or distractions will interrupt your message, too. Be aware of your nonverbal cues. These include facial expressions and gestures. One of the biggest nonverbal cues is your tone of voice, including pitch and volume. “I love you” (said sweetly and sincerely) is much different than “I love you.” (said sarcastically and loudly) Practice “What I heard you say is…” Our oldest – who is home missing his senior year at university – helped me illustrate the point to our younger sons. I asked him to make a statement about anything that came to mind. He said, “Turkey Perky Jerky is the best jerky out there.” I responded, “Oh, so what I hear you saying is that you don’t like the jerky I make.” In a regular scenario, we each make statements of opinion all the time. Other people’s random statements impact us greatly at times. Without practicing “what I heard you say is…” statements, I could have responded, “Oh. Ok.” And then chosen to never make jerky again because “hey, why bother. He obviously doesn’t like the kind I make.” Active listening gives us insight into what we are thinking others are saying, and let’s them correct any mis-messaging. Finally, realize that you do not have to fully understand or agree with your loved one to fully listen to them. Listening is not agreement; listening is an act of love. Listening...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for taking the next few minutes to reflect on God’s plan for the believing family. We are truly living in unprecedented times. The US has not seen closures and shortages to this scale in over seventy years when the world powers were at war with each other. We are at war now but with a virus – together. Please note, fellow believers, that the battle is not fully ours to win. We must do our parts, of course, but God will be the champion of this battle and ultimately this war. During this time of social distancing, self-isolating, and quarantining requirements, let’s look at the ultimate connection we can make… our spiritual connection with God. We so often say we are too busy to spend time with God in a disciplined way, so, Five Minute Families, let’s explore five areas of spiritual disciplines you can begin now while doing your part in the battle by staying at home. Bible reading and meditation – One pastor always said, “The biggest transformer of your life is to be in God’s Word daily.”He was correct. Dr. Donald Whitney in his book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life expanded this with his use of the analogy of a tea bag. He says, “… your mind is the cup of hot water and the tea bag represents your intake of scripture. Hearing God’s word is like one dip of the tea bag into the cup. Some of the tea’s flavor is absorbed by the water, but not as much as would occur with a more thorough soaking of the bag. Reading, studying, and memorizing God’s word are like additional plunges of the tea bag into the cup. The more frequently the tea enters the water, the more permeating its effect. Meditation, however, is like immersing the bag completely and letting it steep until all the rich tea flavor has been extracted and the hot water is thoroughly tinctured reddish brown.” By using these extra days to meditate on God’s Word, you are training yourself for godliness, just as Paul encourages in 1 Timothy 4:7 Fasting and prayer – Without prayer, we are disconnected from the source of life; we must “devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” as we read in Colossians. Fasting goes hand-in-hand with prayer. We don’t have time here to go into details, but we strongly encourage you to study Matthew 6:16-18 and Acts 13:2 about fasting. Right now, at home, we can easily get distracted from prayer and fasting by the streaming services and by being surrounded by food. Bring your focus back to God in these troubling times. Stewardship – God calls us to be disciplined in our use of money AND our use of time. Let’s not waste them, Five Minute Families. We do not yet know the full economic impact of this virus, but we already know that many will receive a devastating financial blow. If you are able, please do not forego your giving to the churches and ministries you support. Likewise, don’t use your time frivolously. Sew masks for medical professionals, video message shut-ins, write letters to nursing homes, make food deliveries, if allowed, to those who cannot get their own, and more. Proverbs 27:1 reminds us not to boast about tomorrow for we do not know what it will bring. Silence and solitude – We follow Jesus’s example when we enter into silence and solitude, and Jesus even arranged a rest for his disciples in Mark 6 when he said, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” Often, when we enter into silence and solitude with an attitude of meeting God there, He brings discernment about our steps in His will. With the kids at home, it may be more difficult to achieve silence and solitude, but maybe you could awaken a few minutes early or hide in the pantry for a few extra minutes. We gotta do what we gotta do. Journaling and learning – As a unique time in history, what a godly gift you will be creating if you journal about the learning you engage in right now! Think of some great historical books based on journaling… The...
TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the ‘Five Minute Family’ brought to you by Clear View Retreat, a family retreat ministry enlightening God’s relationship principles to families in both the ‘norms’ and ‘storms’ of life. Join us each week as we explore various aspects of family life. Today, we are tackling the quarantine blues. For the quarantines to be truly protective of vulnerable populations, we must limit our public event interactions. That’s going to translate to A LOT of time to fill at home. Five Minute Families will possibly be better titled ‘five week families’ for the time being. While we need to be intentional about the added time that we will spend together, please remember that we do not need to fill every moment for our children or for ourselves. One of the reasons we promote the concept of ‘disconnect to reconnect‘ here at CVR is so that conversations can be “organic,” meaning that the conversations we have with one another are characterized by continuous or natural development, not forced attentions and exchanges. Likewise, we know that children who engage in unstructured play and make-believe are developing essential psychological and emotional capacities as well as learning to solve problems and create new possibilities. If you are a crafty person who feels thwarted during regular schedules, this should allow more flexibility for those creative ideas to flow. If you are a highly structured person who feels that you or your children will be missing out on quality academic options, then you will want to take advantage of the many educational opportunities online that are being opened for free, if only temporarily. Scholastic has a program opened to affected students, and there is a growing list of opportunities at the website amazingeducationalresources.com. If you do an internet search for ‘ideas during the quarantine,’ lots of great ideas will pop up. The best way to introduce whatever ideas you may have would be through structure and an expected routine. Now, please do not try to recreate school at home. While some families may be able to pull that off, usually it causes more frustration than it helps. Five areas we suggest a Five Minute Family builds into their daily routine are: 1. Quiet time/Me time: Don’t neglect your Bible time and be sure to find segments of the day in which everyone is expected to do something quietly on their own for a specific period of time. 2. Contact time: Use this age of technology to your advantage. Please video chat with your older family members who are more susceptible to the worst symptoms and outcomes of this virus. Call and text. Keep in touch with folks outside of your home on a daily basis to keep connections going despite the level of quarantine you or your loved ones may be experiencing. 3. Intentional computer time: Again, those online resources come into play here, but also, actual video play time. Kids aren’t going to want to schedule their video game time, but encourage your child to be proactive to chat with online friends to set specific game times so that no one will feel left out and they get to have some fun together. 4. Project time: Do you have projects around the house that have been waiting for a bigger chunk of time to complete? Well, here is a gift in disguise. Use your time wisely. Non-house projects may include starting new hobbies such as drawing, painting, cooking, playing a musical instrument, or practicing magic tricks. 5. Outside or Physical time: Do not forget to include physical movement EVERY SINGLE DAY of your isolation. If it is raining or too cold, please make sure you have a fifteen to twenty minute “Inside Moves” plan. You can print off some stretches, pull up youtube videos of exercise sequences, or just make up your own. No matter how well you plan, being shut-in is difficult. Be mindful of each family member’s emotional health needs, and keep lines of communication open to sharing honestly how they are handling the isolation. We...
TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Join us for the next five minutes as we explore God’s grace in the midst of our pain and hurts. And, for more information about our grieving family retreats, please click on the “Grieving Families” link under the “retreats” tab at our website: clearviewretreat.org A week ago many fellow Tennesseans suffered countless hurts and losses when tornados tore through numerous counties. The volunteer response has been astounding. From individuals who donated their time to clean up debris to companies giving their employees paid time off to help in the relief effort to the regional hospital not sending out bills from their ER work, so many folks are lovingly overwhelmed with hope and help in the midst of suffering. In some cases, they have had to turn volunteers away because there were so many who showed up. As the days, weeks, and months pass, the new reality of those affected will be vastly different than anything they could have planned for. Grief and loss will do that. We think that we prepare well and do all we can to mitigate the damage – both physical and emotional – but we were created to be relational beings, and when those relationships are impacted by death and destruction, we can never fully understand until we are in the midst of the pain. Here are five suggestions on how you can help others during their grief, which, by the way, may last much longer than you expect: 1. Let them share… even if you have heard their story before. In times of crisis, we often forget who we have talked to, what we have said, or what we have even done. You may even have a friend or family member who wasn’t directly affected, but he or she is responding to this tragedy as if it is their own. Be sure to ask open-ended questions and allow them to work through their fears and concerns. 2. Use their loved one’s name. A common misunderstanding for many folks is that if they use the name, then they will bring up sadness. Your friend or neighbor is already thinking of their loved one. By using his or her name, you open the doors to allow memories, thoughts, and emotions to be expressed in a healthy manner. 3. Offer specific, practical help, not just a blanket statement such as “please let me know if you need anything.” It can be hard in loss to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and anticipate the needs. For the tornado victims, many others thought of practical needs such as basic hygiene products or doing laundry. If you are helping someone deal with the death of a loved one outside of a natural disaster, one idea, if you are willing to do so, is to offer to clean a part of their home such as the bathroom or kitchen. When our son Jedidiah died, one of the men of our small group who had lost a child of his own years earlier, went into the kitchen and cleaned it completely without our knowing. It was the next morning before we realized what he had done. That tangible service was a blessing we will never forget. 4. Please be praying for them. If you don’t know their specific needs, a general prayer is fine, but if you have the chance to ask them specifically what you can be praying for, you may be surprised at what they need most in that moment. The ask will bring the two of you closer while allowing your prayers to be more practical for your friend. 5. Lovingly normalize receiving counseling or therapy. Since some folks are sensitive about the subject and feel like the suggestion of quote “maybe you should get some counseling” unquote means there is something wrong with them, you can start by saying instead, “When I went to counseling…” or if you have never had counseling but had a great pastor, mentor, or confidante, “Talking through our losses is so important…” Here at Clear View Retreat, we offer families a place of respite and refreshment whether in the norms and storms of life. But, God offers respite and peace anywhere. Be His hands and feet in this season of hurt so that you can...
TRANSCRIPT: Clear View Retreat brings you this ‘Five Minute Family’ radio devotion to help in both the norms and storms of life. A Five Minute Family is one who is trying to choose God and His relationship principles, no matter what chaos is raging around them. We consider all family compositions when we write our devotions because we know that families come in all shapes and sizes – kids in the home, no kids, single parent families, blended families, and more. This particular ‘Five Minute Family’ is primarily for families with kids still in the home, although God’s relating principles are true for all of us and can be applied in many ways. With kids in the home, life has its own unique level of stress. Is the baby needing constant holding making you wish you hadn’t become a mom? Is the toddler damaging something else making you wish you could spend more time at the office – AWAY from home? How about that teenager whose hormones are making the teenager in you come out? Parents, we all need a timeout sometimes. Don’t feel guilty if you need to evaluate how you are handling family life and take a step back briefly. As a young mom, I loved spending time with my son. I had friends who within weeks of their kiddos’ births wanted a weekend away or a night to themselves. But, I truly did not understand their feelings. I enjoyed waking up with him in the night, playing games throughout the day, tending to all his needs, holding him all day long if needed. I didn’t doubt my love for him, and I didn’t doubt my willingness to do anything and everything he needed. Until… our second baby came along. Napping while the baby napped was no longer an option. Being pulled in two different directions for two different sets of needs developmentally became a challenge for me. I kept feeling that I needed desperately to get away. As an exclusively nursing mom, getting away for long was not an option. Once I was going to go to a movie so I could have some “not mommy” time, but Jim was concerned that our younger son (and possibly the older one, too) would cry for the hours I would be away. I had always responded to every cry, to every call, and that was taking me away. I could see that Kim needed a break, but as young parents living away from family without any help on a daily basis, I wasn’t sure what to do. So, after realizing that Kim was running on empty and giving less and less of herself without being refueled, one day, I took our sons into a separate area of the house. I got her her favorite snacks, set her up with a movie and a book, and finally realized that I needed to give her the space to refuel. After that afternoon, Jim and I both learned a lot. We learned that he could take care of the boys without my hovering over everything, and I learned that I could not continue to give 100% of myself 100% of the time. By truly entering a state of rest and relaxation, I was able to begin the parenting process again – and in a much healthier way. Here are five suggestions for DAILY refreshment in the world of childhood chaos, so that you can continue to give of yourself WHILE ALSO TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. Five minutes of Bible reading… google for verses for the topic that is most pressing in on you or just search for verses of encouragement. God has a message for you; you just have to be reading it to hear it. Five minutes of Christian music… Research shows that music is an amazing stress reliever. We personally love the MercyMe Lifer album, but any music style that you like that will bring your focus onto God and His purpose for you is what matters. Five minutes of extra shower time… now, environmentalists please don’t complain… we all need therapy at times, and if you can’t get into talk with a counselor or mentor, then taking a few minutes in a steamy bath or shower allowing your muscles to relax can bring you refreshment. A five-minute walk… walking outside for five minutes can help clear your mind and put to use some of...
TRANSCRIPT: Take a moment to think about your biggest regret yesterday? Most likely, it involves a close relationship. Stick with us for the next five minutes for Clear View Retreat’s ‘Five Minute Family’ broadcast, and we will help you find new ways to make today, tomorrow, and everyday one without regrets. Good morning, five minute families! How did your digital fasting go? As we seek to find balance in this digital age, we must address social media. I heard recently about a “social media influencer” who had photographed and posted about her children for years. Her now-teenage daughter was upset and bought a number of clothing items that said things like, “No permission to use my image,” “Don’t take my picture.” Etc. The mom was angered because she had built her platform around sharing her family with the world. We could brush off the teen as being overly dramatic or rebellious, or further scorn her among family and friends, as we have all witnessed someone lambasting another friend or family member. We could also point fingers at the influencer mom and scorn her over her choices and lifestyle. But, let’s move beyond pointing fingers. Before the days of social media, our oldest son had bell’s palsy. He looked like Buddy Hackett, the old comedian, when Buddy would make his sideways ‘o’ face. Our son looked adorable to us, no matter what was happening with his face. We took family pictures for our upcoming Christmas cards, but our son quite sadly asked us to please not send out a picture of him that year. We respected his request, though somewhat disappointed ourselves. He was embarrassed and was going through a difficult trial for his young life. As parents, we must take pause and realize that our children are not here as our possessions to do so with however we see fit. They are individuals entrusted to us by a loving God with whom we get to navigate this time of life. Mutual respect and responsibility are important. Here are five suggestions to allow your family to lovingly and respectfully engage with social media: Take time to get the person’s permission before posting. Allow an extra five minutes if necessary to grab a picture your child will feel positive about. Before you post ANYTHING on social media, take five minutes to think and pray about what you are about to share. If your children have social media, be sure to take five minutes to review your child’s social media posts. Allow those to be teaching points or talking points in your relationship. The goal being helping them grown and learn, not feel defeated or shamed. Set limits on what can be posted about. Putting our worst moments onto social media or engaging in “bashing” text messages do not allow family members the space to realize their own mistakes or allow for hurts to be fully forgiven. How often have we heard of celebrities who get frustrated that folks keep bringing up their past when they have changed and grown? We all might not be celebrities, but what is put on social media is there for everyone to repeatedly bring up. If we do not set safe, loving, and proper boundaries for ourselves and our children, we are allowing the enemy a stronghold into replaying those hurts over and over again.
Ok, so, let’s explore for a moment having already made a social media mistake… How many times have we “aired our dirty laundry” out with others instead of turning to Christ for direction? Way too often those posts, online conversations, and in-person conversations are not glorifying or edifying to anyone. If you have hurt someone with a social media post, take 5 minutes and pray about how to you will approach them. As a parent and friend, I have found that giving a genuine apology can be a great first step in reconciling a relationship, and a genuine apology shows that you are not afraid to be real and open to further conversation. When having difficulties in a relationship, don’t turn to social media. We all need a confidante,...
TRANSCRIPT: Each family is unique and made for a purpose. At Clear View Retreat, we celebrate those distinct purposes and hope to illuminate God’s relationship principles to deepen family discipleship and biblical community. Thank you for joining us this week for our radio devotion the ‘Five Minute Family.’ How has your week progressed as you have been intentional with your loved ones? Please jump onto our website clearviewretreat.org and share your thoughts with us in the comments. Two weeks ago we touched on making a digital connection with your family members. Still thinking along the lines of digital, this week we want to inspire you to think about the biblical concept of fasting… yes, that’s right, fasting from your digital devices. Now, why would we encourage digital connection one week and digital fasting so soon after? Simple… Balance. But, first, a quick glimpse at biblical fasting. As David Mathis at DesiringGod.org states, “Fasting is voluntarily going without food — or any other regularly enjoyed, good gift from God — for the sake of some spiritual purpose.” That is why, in this age of ‘all things digital’ we need to make sure that we are keeping our focus on God at all times. So, we balance digital connection with digital fasting in order to make sure that God is preeminent in our lives. At one point in our family’s past, we would fast from all things electronic for the whole month of February, with one family movie a week. One of our sons was so resistant to the concept one year that he sat on our big recliner chair every free moment. I would suggest he go play or work on a fun project or create a song or read a book or, well, you get the picture. No matter what I said, he would just sit there and say, “I want to play xbox.” For 28 days he sat on that chair. Now, it might seem like our digital fast failed because one of our children was so resistant to it, but it didn’t. As parents and spouses, setting the example for our loved ones and following God’s example is never a failure, even if we don’t see fruit for years or we learn lessons on how to do it better the next time. In the years prior, it had been easier to guide them away from the screens in the house. While many of us had spent more time in God’s Word and enjoyed games we hadn’t played in a while, we learned that we should have planned some strategic and intentional events that would have brought our family better focus on the Lord and His purpose of fasting rather than just ‘not being on screens.’ In different examples of fasting in Scripture, we see different purposes for fasting. Acts 14:23 illustrates fasting to seek God’s wisdom. In Ezra, God’s people are seeking deliverance or protection. In Jonah, the people of Nineveh fasted to repent and ask God to save them. When the Israelites in Judges 20 needed help to gain victory over their enemies, they fasted first. Being devoted to God means putting into practice those disciplines He expects of us. Often, if fasting is not already a practice of ours, it can seem overwhelming at first. So, just as experts suggest folks start small with a food fast, we suggest you start small with a digital fast, especially if your family has a large digital footprint. Twenty-eight days at that time in our lives wasn’t a big deal because our children were younger, and we were not tied to things like smart phones. Now, twenty-eight days would seem isolating for our kids who keep in contact with some good friends via their online games and, honestly, quite difficult for us. So, how do we break down the concept of a digital fast for a ‘Five Minute Family’? Obviously, you will need to invest more than five minutes for the fast to actually be a fast. Maybe you can take five hours of your typically “prime time” digital footprint. The next time, maybe, you take five hours of prime digital time for five straight days. Perhaps, for your family’s needs, you choose one day a week for five weeks to set...
TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the ‘Five Minute Family’ brought to you by Clear View Retreat, a Christ-centered family retreat ministry. Please join us as we explore various facets of family life during this family-sized radio devotion. You can check out more information about CVR at clearviewretreat.org. Alright, let’s dive in. Ah, hello Five Minute Families! How are you doing today? This week is Valentine’s Day. Now, many of you are probably thinking, “oh, great, another ‘spend your money’ made-up greed day. History shows us that February has long been celebrated as the month of romance. The legend of St Valentine isn’t clear, but the truth of our Lord is. Never forget that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of love for us, and when we step up for those He has placed in our lives, we honor our very relational and loving God. Here we would like to offer five five-minute ideas for your Valentine’s Day celebration. 1. Turn on your wedding song and dance in the living room. Yes, embarrass those teens. Yes, let the littles wait a few minutes for their treat. The goal here is to give each other undivided attention. Maybe you are not a dancer. You can sit and hold his or her hand for the length of the song. Take this time to think back on your wedding day or the first time you saw your spouse and share a great memory and how they made you feel. It’s okay to get a little cheesy here, get a little romantic – it’s about building up that other person, so speak to their heart. 2. Ya gotta eat breakfast, right? Take two minutes to write your favorite thing about your spouse on a blank sheet of paper, draw a flower, and take a tray – a cookie tray if you have to – and put breakfast on the tray and carry it upstairs. Simply say, “I love you.” Five minutes of time on your part and hours of warmth in your spouse’s heart. If you are including the kids, make sure you take time to intentionally reach out to your spouse, express your love and appreciation for him or her, not as a parent but as a unique and wonderful individual in your life. 3. Valentine’s is a Friday this year. Take an extra five minutes at the end of dinner, even if it has to be at home with all the kids around because money is tight. Take out a dessert of any type that you already have on hand (extra points if you stop by the store on the way home and grab her favorite candy bar – hint hint) Basically, anything that your spouse loves, and as you present it to him or her share five things that you are thankful for that he or she does. 4. Maybe you guys are in the thick of the younger years which can be so physically exhausting. Or, maybe you are busy trying to keep up with the grandkids. Whatever stage of life and despite whatever routine patterns you have developed… Take five minutes to do a chore that your spouse typically does. A word of caution here, please do not choose the chore you argue the most about or do a chore that you think he or she doesn’t do fast enough to prove how little time it takes. In the overall scheme of life, five minutes does not seem like that much time. But, at different ages and stages in life, five minutes can be overwhelming. Have you ever left a toddler alone for five minutes? Well, then, you know that you may have just bought yourself 5 hours of clean up and repair work if you have done so. Five minutes is relative, and we know that five minutes of intentional relating is the difference between striving and thriving. So, prayerfully and LOVINGLY choose a chore that will bless your spouse, not make him or her feel belittled or inadequate. 5. One final idea … maybe give your spouse a five-minute pass to use this weekend (it could be a five-hour or five-day pass – depending where you are in life). Give them the ability to invest in self-care so that he or she is better able to meet the needs of the family at times when they must. Remember, we love because God first loved us. We love because the Creator of the universe is love. We humans might...
TRANSCRIPT: Are you ready to transform your family? Please join us today for Clear View Retreat’s family radio devotion that we call the ‘Five Minute Family.’ Families need to invest time, thought, and initiative into one another, and we spend five minutes here each week looking at different topics and how a ‘Five Minute Family’ can maximize time throughout their day to live out God’s relating principles. Thank you for joining us again. We are Jim and Kim Nestle, founders and directors of Clear View Retreat. Please remember that though the suggestions we talk about are five-minute time frames; these are just the starters. We are not striving to check off our five minutes of intentional relating and then drawing back into ourselves. As we intentionally choose nuggets of time scattered throughout the day to invest in one another, we honor our loving and intentional God. You are absolutely right, Jim. So, Five Minute Family, if you heard us last week, how did you do choosing your five one-minute moments to invest in each other? Have you been intentional to complete those five minutes (and possibly more)? We would love to hear how your week went, connect with us at: clearviewretreat.org and email us your thoughts and questions. Today, we will be discussing digital connections. The biggest elephant in any room today is either the smallest computer (our phones) or the largest wall ‘decoration’ (our TVs). Let’s explore how a ‘Five Minute Family’ can traverse this digital age. We parents and spouses cannot simply demonize screens and expect our loved ones to follow suit, especially our children. For example, my fifteen-year-old son has asked me multiple times to play a new video game with him. I keep saying no. One, I am awful at video games, and, two, I really can’t stand them. However, it hit me that he is not asking me to play a game; he is inviting me into his world. If I continue to push him away, I will deal with those consequences for many years to come. At some point, he will believe that I do not value him because I do not value what is important to him. That is NOT the message I want to send. So, I am going to find five minutes (or, more likely, five one-minute segments because I am not sure I can handle the video games for a full five-minute chunk), and I am going to intentionally engage with my son. Hopefully, as I learn more about his world small amounts of time will snowball into more. You see, we need to choose connection WITHIN our kids’ worlds, including the digital part. We can ask open-ended questions such as ‘how does this game make you feel?’ Cheesy? Maybe, but, still, we need our children (and ourselves) thinking about the impact of the screen time we have. Other questions you can ask include: how does this help you connect to others? how will these skills help you in the future? and what do you think the creators were trying to accomplish with [this] aspect of the game? Mom, dad? Husband, wife? Do you need to stop vilifying your loved one’s screen time and not wondering about your own (don’t worry, we’ll get into the more in a few weeks)? Is there a minute that you can take to share your digital world with your spouse or your child so that they know that they matter in all areas of your life? Researchers share that this is the only time in history when those who had no digital exposure as children and those who have had digital exposure before birth will live together. Digital is here to stay, so what do we do? When we enter into our loved one’s digital world, we have more influence and understanding of who they are. As we expose them to other aspects of life, we can hook into what is happening in their digital world because we have had glimpses of it. Make the digital world your ally instead of your enemy, and you will better reach your children’s hearts. For further reading, we recommend a few good books out there: Every Parent’s Guide to Navigating our Digital World by Kara Powell, The Tech-Wise...
www.clearviewretreat.org TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the ‘Five Minute Family’ brought to you by Clear View Retreat, a family retreat ministry enlightening God’s relationship principles to families in both the ‘norms’ and ‘storms’ of life. Join us as we explore various aspects of family life. Today, we would like to introduce our concept of the ‘Five Minute Family.’ Do you sometimes feel your family is a chaotic mess? We all mess up, often and every day, but a “Five Minute Family” can commit to intentionally investing five minutes a day to change their family patterns and pour love, life, and affirmation into each other. New patterns of relating will lead to more sweet interactions and a loving, Godly family unit. What five minutes will you give to your family? Here are our recommendations for the big three and why: 1) the first minute of the day. Taking 60 seconds to give a hug and ask, “how’d ya sleep?” means that you are willing to invest in that person for the moment, letting them know that you value their being in your life. And, yes, that may mean stopping on a hectic school morning to take a minute to express your love 2) the first minute you reunite. When we come back together, we are often ready to unload all the emotional baggage we have been accumulating throughout the day. Stop. Take the first minute to acknowledge that your loved one has also had emotional, intellectual, and physical experiences that are affecting how he or she feels right now, too. 3) the last minute of the day. No matter how bad the day might have been, science shows that proper, adequate sleep is vital to physical AND emotional intelligence. By giving your loved one that final minute in peace and security in love, you offer them the ability to face each and every day. Other ideas for your next two minutes: • the last minute before you separate for the day. Take a moment to calm your hearts (even if you have been bickering, rushing, or fussing). Pray a quick prayer: “God, please stay with him/her.” You can add in a specific need for that day. Keep it short. • the first minute of dinner. Many families pray at the beginning of their meals. That’s great. Before or after that prayer, take a minute (per family member preferably) to ask open-ended questions and listen to what is on one another’s minds. • the first minute of errands or chores. Now, admit it. When tasks must be completed, we often get frustrated much more easily, especially if we are working with our children. Take the first minute to lovingly reaffirm why you are doing this (no lectures please!) or listen to why your children may be upset about doing so, etc. Being intentional to show love and acceptance is the point for the first minute. • the first minute together after a ball game or event… build up your son or daughter or spouse. Don’t mention the missed shots, dropped balls, and the like. Do mention something you like about watching them play or something they did well (even if it was how they listened to the coach, even if they didn’t hit the ball) Choose your five minutes and begin today making an impact that will last a lifetime! Thank you for joining us today. Please visit us online at clearviewretreat.org for more information. We pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, will give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope of His calling, the richness of His glory, and the infinite greatness of His power toward us who believe.