The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married

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Weddings are thorny right? From trying to juggle bridesmaids to trying to juggle feminism; from in-law relationships to marquee costs to eco-guilt.

Of course, weddings are also incredible but sometimes the lead-up and the day itself can be unforgettable in all the worst ways. Well we've tackled every aspect of pre-wedding stress over the last 10 episodes and 6 guest specials of The Thing About That and now it's time to close the door on this particular topic. We've discussed: Why would a modern woman even choose to get married? In heterosexual couples, should a woman still be taking a man's surname? How can the Wedding Dress industry shake off the ugly shackles of diet culture? We've heard from elopement photographers, female proposers, Hindu-Punjabi divorcees and gay grooms. It's been fascinating and joyful. But in this episode, Becca, Hettie and Lucy break down the lessons learnt over the past series, from understanding the value of involving your parents and in-laws to learning about how to be more sustainable in your event-planning choices.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss upcoming series from The Thing About That.

Series 1, Episode 11 length: 52 mins 19 seconds

What have we learnt? (01:35)

Balancing your own feelings and the feelings of others in the wedding context
What is the social function of getting married if not to involve your family and people you love
Shobna Gulati, Amy Anaiz and Freddie Hutchins - the importance of family and community in a wedding.
Lesson 1: You can’t please all people all the time

How does our image of marriage still need to change? (11:22)

Books, films, TV need to show relationships that do not end in marriage
Social responsibility to avoid clichéd questions when talking to engaged people

In what way has our thinking changed because of this podcast (14:14)

Becoming more analytical in one's thinking, which does not actually lead to an easier life.
The division of labour when it comes to planning a wedding has still got a long way to go: It should not just be on the woman to deconstruct old traditions.
“Feminists alike, if they’re worth their salt, will want you just to feel like you have the option.”
Bringing awareness back to the sustainability of the day. How do our everyday values just fall off a cliff when we start planning a wedding?

Know where the individuals desires of a wedding come from (27:43)

Does one person in the couple want the big wedding day more than another? That’s ok. Know who that is and what the drive for the day is. Accept that.

Wedding-planning as great marriage-training (31:28)

Learn what you can from the hard conversations and the tricky decisions involved in planning a wedding day.
Teaches you what is important to both of you.

Analysing the experience of making a podcast (36:11)

Podcasting as a creative outlet to balance out the professional side of your life
Bonding with strangers around the world
Learning about one’s own strengths and weaknesses

Favourite episode from the series (42:30)

Becca’s choice: Elopements with Maddie-Mae from Adventure Instead.
Lucy’s choice: Proposals
Hettie’s choice: Surnames and The Dress

Thank you for listening!

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It's time to get a bit of wisdom and perspective from actress and author Shobna Gulati!

In this special episode of The Thing About That, we hear from Shobna Gulati, star of Coronation Street, Dinnerladies and Everybody's Talking About Jamie. She opens up about the expectations of marriage within her Hindu Punjabi family, what her favourite bits of a Hindu wedding are and what happens when your marriage doesn't actually last forever...

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any of our other episodes.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

Guest Special length: 34 mins 36 seconds

Marriage expectations within a North Indian family (02:24)

Cultural pressures added to patriarchal pressures.
Match-making and rishta. What makes a good match?
When losing a father pushes you into the arms of a husband too quickly.

Gender specific pressures (09:32)

Why hasn't the world caught up with the idea that you can be an unmarried woman and secure.
Expectation to join the Indian Society at university and meet a husband there.

Shobna's favourite hallmarks of a Hindu wedding (12:01)

Promises around the fire.
Enormous guest lists of people you don't necessarily know.
Mehndi ceremonies and beautifying the bride and groom.

What happens after divorce? (19:51)

Is your identity tied up in your relationship with your husband?
Sense of injustice and guilt when the marriage didn't work out.
The idea of a marriageable age.
Kamala Harris: "I'm speaking now."

The finances of a Hindu wedding (28:20)

Bollywood productions.
Dowries.

Punjabi wedding traditions (29:30)

Girls stealing the man's shoes, like bridesmaid gifts.
Bringing the family in and joining 2 families together.

And you can find Shobna's book Remember Me? here: https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Remember-Me-by-Shobna-Gulati-author/9781788402477

Thank you for listening!

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Shall we let the boys have a say...?

In today's episode of The Thing About That you'll finally hear from the fiancés/husband elects/star partners of our 3 hosts, Becca, Hettie and Lucy. For a whole series we've spoken on their behalf and laid bare our own souls, sometimes at their expense! But now we're giving them the floor. How did Ben respond when Becca caught him picking an engagement ring? When did Jacob decide to take Hettie's surname? What incentivised Tris to propose within 8 months and was Lucy's reaction distressing? How can you actively combat toxic masculinity in your romantic choices? Why might you still choose to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter in this day and age? We force the men to talk about and contemplate weddings just as much as we women find ourselves forced to contemplate the subject on a daily basis.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! And if you've missed our earlier episodes, Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any forthcoming episodes.

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Guest Special 5 length: 56 mins 38 seconds

Hettie talks to the future Mr Becca (00:40)

Picking the engagement ring.
How to surprise a partner who loves to be in control.

Lucy talks to the future Mr Hettie (05:22)

Love at first sight.
Difficult conversations with family members over certain wedding choices.
Combatting toxic masculinity: How it feels to be a man taking his wife's surname.

Becca talks to the future Mr Lucy (38:37)

The ease of marriage for a heterosexual male.
Proposing within a year of meeting.
First-hand experience of asking a father's permission.

Recommendations mentioned in the episode:

Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

Thank you for listening!

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In this revolutionary new episode, we're ripping off the bandaid and talking wedding finance!

In Series 1, Episode 10, Lucy, Becca and Hettie Allen open up their spreadsheets and their bank statements in a gesture never yet heard of on a wedding-planning podcast. Or any podcast for that matter. In an effort to make sure that men and women who are going through the wedding circus are enlightened and empowered, we're going to be super honest and candid about the numbers we're spending on all the big hitters of a wedding. From food and drink, to music and marquees, as well as all those hidden smaller costs of a wedding that you never predict.

Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!

You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 10 length: 53 mins 47 seconds

13:00 - Catering

19:12 - Venue & marquees

27:03 - Flowers

31:06 - Alcohol

33:00 - Bridesmaid Outfits / Hair and Make-up / Funding accommodation for others

39:53 - Wedding Dress

43:44 - Photographer

46:46 - Band / Entertainment

50:03 - Admin fees

Thank you for listening!

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We've got all the top tips on how to make your wedding eco-friendly, and not 1 of them is about plastic straws...

The reality is that to truly go green on your big day, you really ought to not have a wedding at all! But if throwing an enormous event to celebrate your love is a non-negotiable, there are all sorts of things to consider if you want to make the day as kind to the planet as possible. And we at The Thing About That can help! When it comes to reducing your carbon footprint, there's loads to consider from plants vs. flowers to vegan menu choices to rental wedding dresses. With a little help from Stylist journalist Alessia Armenise, in Season 1 Episode 9 we lay down the law for you and give you a brilliant sustainable check-list to adhere to.

Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!

You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 9 length: 47 mins 51 seconds

05:50 - Summary of tips

Reduce your guest list
Pick your location wisely
Avoid imported flowers
Source local food
Second-hand bridal gowns

10:00 - The problem with the industry

The wedding industry is all about newness and uniqueness, so we need to force them to change.

14:13 - Alternatives for wedding presents

Your presence is our presents
Donations to charities
"Something old, nothing new, something borrowed, something renewed"

16:56 - Sharing/re-using

Rent your bridal gown, but also encourage your guests to rent their outfits
Can you share decorations/crockery with bride friends?

23:05 - Interview with Alessia Armenise

International weddings are difficult
Can guests travel to your wedding by train rather than plane
Limit the stationary

25:06 - Lesson 1: HAVE FEWER PEOPLE

Gathering large numbers of people in one place and entertaining them is an unsustainable activity.
Request no gifts, or experiential gifts rather than material products.

28:58 - Lesson 2: PICK A BEAUTIFUL LOCATION THAT NEEDS NO EMBELLISHMENT

Look at the location in a naked way and imagine how it would be with not that many things in it.

29:44 - Lesson 3: HOLD BACK ON THE FLOWERS!

They are compostable, so throwing them away is not the issue so much as their location of origin.
Big carbon footprint
Use potted: lavender pots, lemon trees, olive trees.

32.09 - Lesson 4: SECOND-HAND OR RENTAL BRIDAL GOWNS

One-wear fashion is the worst!
Re-use by changing the hem or dying a different colour
Vintage dresses or second-hand bridal boutiques in Hackney, East London

35:16 - Time for sustainable wedding planners

The challenge of keeping all the activity spikes of a wedding without being unsustainable
Don’t have a wedding that needs a Plan B.

42:06 - Lesson 5: BUY LOCAL

To vegan or not to vegan: vegetarian and vegan wedding menus are not always as sustainable as meat from a more local region.
Vegan can be a bold choice to make without getting your guests’ back up.

42:40 - Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Find Alessia Armenise here:

www.prettyslow.life

@alessiaarmenise

Thank you for listening!

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Same-sex weddings are leading the charge in tradition-breaking days!

In this special episode of The Thing About That, we chat to theatre actor and bezzie mate of Lucy Eaton: Freddie Hutchins. He talks candidly about all the ups and downs of planning his beautiful autumnal wedding in Kew Gardens, London, as a gay man. As well as getting some crazy helpful tips on how to delegate roles amongst your bridal party and what is best to spend your money on (btw it's a photographer), we analyse why LGBTQ+ weddings are some of the most liberating experiences. There's no antiquated blueprint to follow, no specific bride and groom so the pressures are less. Why can't we all just start from a similarly open-minded base line? How different would weddings look if we could?

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

Guest Special 3 length: 41 mins 52 seconds

Meet Freddie and Oli (01:15)

That "fearing a proposal" feeling (03:02)

"I did live in terror of him getting down on one knee!"
Why do we always panic in a romantic setting that a proposal is coming?

As a same-sex couple, was it always clear which of you would take the initiative on proposing? (04:04)

Why marriage? (04:40)

When you're distrustful of the idea of marriage, feeling ok with it for the other person is the final test.
"I don't want to do this because it is the right thing to do."
No engagement rings

How involved were family and friends? (07:51)

Lucky to have family "who fully love and support us as gay men."
Generational differences, such as parents asking "which of you is the bride?"

Same-sex marriages leading to a more open-minded, instinctive planning experience (13:00)

2 men getting married immediately means there is less of a blueprint.
Pressure to follow old traditions is slightly gone.

When is tradition helpful? (17:40)

Having a blue-print of a ceremony can be helpful in manipulating emotion and structuring a service.
When you remove hymns from a service, how do you get everybody to sing together?
Alternative songs for group singing: Five Gold Rings, Yellow Submarine.
How to guide your registrar or vicar to get your tone in the ceremony.

What was restrictive in the process as a homosexual groom (21:28)

Very little: "We were able to escape the wedding mania that is piled onto straight people getting married."
Know what to fight for / what is important with your venue and team

Multiple brief speeches (26:30)

5-minute maximum speeches from various family and friends.
How to give your VIP guests roles. Know when to delegate roles.

What if you're a bride or groom who hates being the centre of attention? (30:50)

Bring all your friends into the creation and planning, so the day is about them as much as you.
Reading, singing, witnessing, recording, cake making etc.
But ALWAYS HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER!

You can find Freddie's recommendation Bride Book here: www.bridebook.co.uk

Thank you for listening!

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A fiercely honest and joyful chat with Afro-latina photographer Amy Anaiz?? Yes please!

Amy is a New York City based wedding photographer, who specialises in intimate weddings in fabulous city locations. She's been featured in the New York Times, Brides, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, The Knot, E! and TLC! She loves to capture and celebrate brides and grooms of all shapes and colours, and today's special episode delves into the tough and thorny conversations in the wedding industry today, holding no punches. Why does the industry still look so white? And what are the worst aspects of being a wedding photographer?

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes with industry professionals, gay grooms and even our very own husband elects!

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

Follow u on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Guest Special 3 length: 35 mins 31 seconds

Does photographing weddings make you more or less of a romantic (01:28)

Why is the classic bride in all imagery white? (02:35)

How Amy prioritised showing people of colour in her bridal photography.
The media's response to imagery showing darker-skinned models.
Skills required to capture the curvy bride and how to perfectly photograph a multi-racial couple.

Female photographer vs male photographer (08:25)

Why might a bride want a female behind the lens
Resisting the male gaze
Differences between male and female photography work

Photographing the groom (11:55)

How are men changing in regards to their view of how to present themselves and document themselves on the day?
Let's bring the man to the front of the picture too! It's time for them to be the lead actor alongside women, rather than the supporting cast.
Why does Amy choose to make contact with the bride rather than the groom (in a heteronormative marriage)

Elopements so white (16:30)

Why super-small weddings are less appealing to the black community.
The importance of families and the tradition of the large African wedding.
Marriage as a joining of entire communities as well as a promise between 2 individuals.

Worst parts of being a wedding photographer (20:25)

Groomsmen hitting on you at the reception
Contractual clauses to state that harassment means Amy and her team can remove themselves from the event.

Uncomfortable, important conversations about equality and race (23:20)

Amy's book club and her desire to offer a safe space for white friends to understand their role in the BLM movement.
How can wedding vendors support their black colleagues.
Black businesses finally being seen on an equal plain.
Advice for vendors working with clients from a different cultural background.

Amy's favourite wedding (32:31)

Tosin and Dave's marriage between Jewish American groom and Nigerian American bride.
How to create a wedding that merges cultures perfectly.

And you can find Amy at:

www.amyanaiz.com

@amyanaizphoto

And here's that wonderful favourite wedding: https://amyanaiz.com/the-foundry-long-island-city-new-york-wedding-amy-anaiz

Thank you for listening!

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"BRIDE-TO-BE!" sashes, willy straws and a healthy dose of friendship rivalry: it must be a hen do!

Today we break down hen dos, stag dos, bachelorette parties, bridal showers... whatever you wanna call them! From the sentimental (memory books) to the sordid (strippers) and everything in-between (the obligatory lasagne and garlic bread night), we ask all the important questions on Season 1, Episode 8 of The Thing About That. What actually is the purpose of a hen do? What's with the highly-sexed heteronormative traditions? Would you rather plan it yourself or have the whole thing a surprise? Lucy is angry, Hettie is cautious and Becca is still traumatised from one particular hen-do memory, which you simply HAVE to listen to. Whether you're a bride-to-be or a groom-to-be or a bridesmaid or a wedding guest, you'll relate.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our final guest episodes, where we're talking to wedding planners and the husband elects: Ben, Jacob and Tris!

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 8 length: 36 mins 09 seconds

Virtual Hen-dos during lockdown (02:09)

Joint hens and stags (hag-dos.)
Why do we separate the genders?

The purpose of a bachelor or bachelorette party (05:22)

Helping all your friends to get to know each other before the wedding.
Gender-division: boy-time or girl-time.
Celebrating your "last night of freedom."
FOR the friends. They want to celebrate you getting married.

The pressures of a hen-do (11:08)

Friends feeling like they have to plan the most thoughtful, intimate gathering ever.

Gender balance (12:10)

Hen pressures VS stag pressures. Female VS male.
Women feeling more emotionally pressured to prove their love.
Men more chilled out, but as such, occasionally neglectful.

Other people's opinions (16:40)

Even in the bachelor and bachelorette party, everyone weighs in with their thoughts.
Becca describes the reaction to planning a joint hen/stag do.

A traditional hen-do (18:38)

Feminine energy differentiates it from other parties.

The uncontrollable expense and length of hens and stags (19:35)

How can we keep the price down?
How to control your anger!
The exhausting energy of being on form with people you don't know for a whole weekend.
Money means different things to different people.

The enemy is activities (22:00)

The average hen party in the UK costs £357.
How to plan a calmer event that still kicks ass.
Advice on being clear with your bridal party as to what you're expecting, whether big or small.

The uncomfortably sexualised heteronormative style of hens and stags (29:32)

Does anybody enjoy it when the stripper appears?
Hilarious tales of uncomfortable hen do / bachelorette party moments.

Link to the Alessia Armenise article referenced by Lucy: https://www.stylist.co.uk/long-reads/hen-do-dread-cost-friendship-weddings-bachelorette-parties/312662

Thank you for listening!

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Elopements are cheap and secretive runaway weddings in Vegas, right?? WRONG!

It turns out elopements today are deeply desirable, jaw-droppingly beautiful and heart-breakingly intimate versions of a wedding that bring all the wow-factor and none of the drama! In this guest special, your The Thing About That hosts chat to Maddie Mae, founder of Adventure Instead: a company that specialises in organising, planning and photographing elopements. Hettie, Becca and Lucy learn all about how elopements have changed over the years and why they are now such a sought-after and non-traditional way of getting married. This episode tells you everything you need to know about elopements. Trust us - by the end, you'll wish you were eloping...

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes and final Series 1 discussions on hen-dos and LGBTQ+ weddings.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Guest Special 2 length: 30 mins 49 seconds

Introducing Maddie Mae (00:34)

Founder of Adventure Instead, an elopement photographer specialising in elopements and intimate weddings
What is the meaning of an elopement? And how has our image of elopements changed historically?

Why do elopements still have traditional trappings? (04:)

The white dress and the exchanging of rings is still often there. Why?
How to make your wedding unique and personal. Maddie Mae talks us through how to plan your perfect day

Why should you elope? (07:26)

Why do couples elope? We hear the Adventure Instead data
"Just us" experience / shedding family drama / wanting to use less stuff

What is the process of planning an elopement? (09:59)

What to expect if you want an elopement company to help you elope

Is elopement an act of romance or defiance? (11:33)

Finance as a driver (13:50)

Elopements can be cheaper or just as expensive. Money spent on different things
Misapprehension that elopers are cheap

How to manage the family if you choose to elope (14:54)

Real life elopement example (16:30)

Maddie Mae talks us through her own elopement in Peru on New Year's Day!
Glampacking in Incan ruins with a wedding at sunrise
Wedding dress bought on Etsy

How to be "invisible" as an elopement photographer (19:26)

How aware is the couple of an elopement photographer?
The intimacy of the relationship formed between client and provider. Lucy also discusses her experience with Revels in Hand clients.
Photographer experience in big weddings vs elopements

The start of your elopement day (24:45)

How does Maddie Mae kick off the special day for the couple?
How to connect with your partner at the start of your wedding day
Higher emotions in more intimate weddings

You can find Maddie Mae and Adventure Instead at:

www.AdventureInstead.com

@AdventureInstead on Instagram

And you can find the photography academy Maddie Mae spoke about here:

www.AdventureInsteadAcademy.com

@AdvtureInsteadAcademy on Instagram

And a free Educational Facebook Group for Aspiring Adventure Wedding & Elopement Photographers:

www.facebook.com/groups/weddingsandwanderlust

Thank you for listening!

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It’s time to hear from the wedding experts!

In a series of special guest interviews over the next month, we’re going to feed your ears all the expert insight you need from people in the alternative wedding bracket. Today’s guest, Kate Beavis, is founder of Magpie Wedding: the ultimate go-to guide for non-traditional and vintage weddings. We discuss how to find inspiration for a non-traditional wedding, what do you do if your period lands on your wedding day and where the wedding industry still needs to pick up the pace a bit on its awareness of LGBTQ+ marriages and non-heteronormative couples.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes with elopement photographers, gay grooms and even our very own husband elects!

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Guest Special 1 length: 40 mins 03 seconds

Introducing Kate Beavis (00:48)

Owner of Magpie Wedding, a wedding resource for brides seeking an alternative luxury wedding or a more eco-friendly wedding.
Previous vintage shop owner and runs the first Vintage Wedding Fair in the UK.

Where to go for inspiration on non-traditional weddings (06:18)

Heteronormative weddings / straight weddings (08:30)

In these kinds of weddings, there is still a tendency towards the female doing more planning and having more marketing aimed at her.
How can we make wedding planning more of a joint venture?

Wedding taboos (11:35)

What to do when you’ve got your period on your wedding day?
Why don’t we talk about wedding periods?

Love is Love (13:37)

How can the industry be more LGBTQ+ conscious
The one dimensional image of the bride denies disabled brides, black brides, bigger brides, mature brides

Wellbeing over weight loss (19:51)

Can we encourage a healthier body image in wedding marketing?

Financial implications of weddings (23:30)

Tips on a pulling together a great budget wedding
Picnic hampers, pot luck dinners and cut the DJ
It’s your day!

Ethical / eco-conscious weddings (27:25)

Hiring, making, borrowing wedding paraphernalia
Macrame at your wedding!
"Something borrowed, something blue”

Corona effect on wedding industry (30:20)

How to diversify your income and spread your workload.
Tips on how to forge more working time as a parent during the holidays: outsourcing.

And you can find Kate Beavis and Magpie Wedding at:

www.magpiewedding.com

@magpiewedding

Thank you for listening!

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Speeches and Bridesmaids and Aisles! Oh my!

There is so much to get into in Episode 7 because we're finally getting into the icky traditions of the literal wedding day itself. First though, it's time to break down the build up! Why is it still often the woman's role to push the planning of the wedding? And on the day itself, are we still down with walking down the aisle with Daddy? As a modern woman, do you really believe in being "given away"? We offer our insight and advice on how we've incorporated the female voice into our weddings, giving a speech to the bride and the mother-of-the-bride. Finally, your The Thing About That hosts delve into the complexities of the bridal party and how you go about picking that select bunch of friends to aid you on the day. What does it mean to ask someone to be a bridesmaid or read at your wedding or even perform in the service, and how can you do that without burdening them unnecessarily or causing offence to others?

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes, where we're talking to wedding planners, elopement photographers and, very excitingly, the husband elects: Ben, Jacob and Tris!

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 7 length: 42 mins 36 seconds

Division of Labour (00:40)

Is Wedding planning just more unpaid, unappreciated women's work?

Emotional Labour (04:02)

Why do women tend to take on this burden, even if they take on more of the financial responsibility too?
Roles that are gender-driven VS personality-driven
Know your partner's strengths and how to play to them.

Top Wedding Day Traditions (12:23)

Cutting the cake.
Marriage certificates stemming from a patriarchal, business background.
Speeches from the bride. Are brides still seen and not heard?
Why do we still push the idea that your wedding day is "THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!"?
Younger generations being selfish and selfless at the same time.

Creating a religious and atheist wedding (19:25)

What are the obligatory parts of a Church of England wedding?
"Love, honour and obey"

Walking down the aisle and being given away (22:05)

The option to rid yourself of an aisle entirely.
What if you have no father of paternal relationship?

Speeches (28:15)

Mother-of-the-bride speeches?

Secular ceremonies (31:22)

Have a friend as a celebrant.
Readings and Abba singalongs!

Bridesmaids (35:27)

How do you pick your bridesmaids without causing offence?
Accommodating changing friendships.
Joint bridesmaids and ushers shared between the couple.
Is it an unfair burden asking friends to perform?

Thank you for listening!

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Say YES to the Dress! And say NO to "the wedding dress diet"!

Arguably one of the most focal topics of a wedding: in today's world we're certainly not short on wedding dress options... but we're still pretty flipping short on examples of different-looking brides, right? How do you take something as traditional and iconic as the white wedding gown, and make it feel genuinely unique and personal to you? And how do you avoid the toxicity of the bridal image? In Episode 6 of The Thing About That, we say a hard no to "the wedding dress diet" and discuss our greatest struggles when picking an outfit for the big day.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on Covid-affected weddings, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 6 length: 48 mins 41 seconds

The Reluctant Bride (02:21)

What do you wear when you don’t want to look like a bride but you love wearing white?
Not wanting to be the centre of attention too much.
The unpleasantness of knowing you’re being judged on your looks.

The experience of dress shopping (15:58)

Looking for non-traditional wedding dresses
How the experience ends up feeling like a performance
Lucy’s Phillippa Lepley experience
Instagram searching and Hettie’s Matcher’s Fashion Christopher Kane dress

Contradicting viewpoints within yourself over your outfit (19:46)

“Drawing the gaze of others can be very empowering”
How can I make the extremity of this outfit different from other extreme outfits?

How far can you push the boundaries? (22:43)

Challenging yourself to dress big
Say Yes to the Dress - the importance of trying things on because you never know what suits until you try
Deborah Francis White

The Evening Outfit (29:04)

Why bother changing? To dance or to protect your day dress.
The power of heals for a short woman.

Sexy wedding dresses (33:37)

Embracing your sexuality later in life
The "nudity" of modern wedding dresses
Colourful wedding dresses

Groom outfits! (31:46)

How can we make our men feel special as well?

When do you reveal the look? (39:08)

Wanting to hold it back to surprise your partner on the day.
OR sharing the look with your partner to prevent anxiety.

Thank you for listening!

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"Families are the most beautiful things in all the world" according to Louise May Alcott, but they're also a marital minefield.

We're diving into some spicy conversation for you in Episode 5: that of Family and In-laws. Whether you're experiencing total elation or utter despair around the lead-up to your wedding day, we can guarantee that you or your partner's families are involved. What happens when the wedding starts to feel more like your mother's party than your own? How has family involvement in weddings changed over the years? What happens when your family and your husband's family differ in religious beliefs? The Thing About That covers the thorny, guilt-ridden issues of juggling all the people you love most in the world in the lead up to your big day.

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 5 length: 47 mins 12 seconds

In-laws differing in their ideas about your wedding (00:47)

What happens when your mother or mother-in-law sees this as a party for them more than for you
Expectation vs reality for people who ultimately don’t get to have a final say in this. Social expectations of taking on the role of “in-law” or “mother-of-the-bride”
How the role of parents in a wedding have changed over the decades. Weddings used to be for the parents, a “coming out party”

The pressure to please others (07:12)

Wanting other people to have the wedding experience that they’ve always dreamed of.
What happens when you’re paying? How to know when to put your foot down and say no to something.

When a joyful event ends up making you sad (12:07)

Frustration at people around you and guilt at making people you love sad.
When family being around for a wedding is one of your primary reasons for doing it, “I want it to be a positive experience for them so much, maybe too much.”
Disagreement over money. Emotion turns small issues turn into big confrontations.

How emotionally invested friends are in your wedding (17:47)

From judgement to care.
Having been a guest and a bridesmaid before, it makes it much harder to be blasé about decisions now.

Church VS Non-Church (22:03)

What happens when an atheist and a Christian want to get married? Where do you do it?

Families coming to terms with a fast engagement (26:15)

How a quick relationship leaves family members lagging behind
Throw the rule book out the window. Your wedding should be whatever it can be and whatever you want it to be.

Shifting sibling relationships (28:33)

How do siblings see it as an opportunity to bond, what role do they want to play?
What if you want a sibling to be more involved than they want?
Does your marriage take over an existing relationship with a family member?
Guilt around not playing the role of “the single one” in your family or friendship group anymore.

Easy in-laws (43:10)

Counting your blessings when the in-laws are easy or your parents and your in-laws get on

Extended family as guests (44:42)

Where do you draw the line? What is there are tricky family dynamics?

Thank you for listening!

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Have you had to cancel your wedding due to Covid-19? You're not alone!

If you've had to postpone your big day due to the 2020 Corona lockdown (or for any other reason in the past) you'll understand the complex emotions that come with such an upheaval. Frustration at the lost money, sadness at the lost day, worry at the lost time... when will you start that family? And why should that still matter in the modern day? In Episode 4 of The Thing About That, 2 of our hosts discuss their own personal experiences of cancelling their weddings because of Coronavirus.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on proposals, name-taking and wedding aesthetics...

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 4 length: 42 mins 36 seconds

When and why did you choose to postpone? (02:33)

Worrying about the health of loved ones or being forced into it by government regulations.
What does it mean to have a wedding under the current social distancing regulations?
Communications plan
What is hardest about losing the big day? Sentimentality, the fear of losing a loved one before the new date, financial implications

The “ticking clock” for women in their 30s (13:10)

The expectations of women to achieve marriage, children and career progression.
“All of a sudden life isn’t sprawled out in front of you, there’s a certain order you’re supposed to be doing things in”
Has postponing a wedding held up baby-making plans?
Expectations for women to look their best at their wedding.

How postponement changes one's feelings towards the wedding (17:30)

Are you reevaluating whether to do it at all?
“If not now, then shall we just not?

The financial implications (23:14)

Difficulties that come from the government allowing things but encouraging against them.
Problems with compensation and sticky details of wedding insurance.

Taking stock and re-evaluating (28:54)

Is this an opportunity to reevaluate wedding choices?
What absurd OTT things have you spent money on for your wedding that you would take back if your could. “Wedding-mania” / Party-mania
“A pressure to facilitate other people having memorable moments!”

The original day (33:39)

What will you do on the would-be day? Is it worth celebrating or is it a day of mourning?
The frustration of only seeing the happy people on social media.
Hettie explains why she has gone totally silent on social media. The weight of everything going on in the world (from coronavirus to Black Lives Matter).

When will this sadness pass? (40:00)

Will you feel better when your original wedding date is passed?
Hettie and Becca raise again the idea that the weddings may never happen now.

Check out Becca's previous wedding stationary work here and here and here, and if you'd like to commission her to do yours, get in touch.

Thank you for listening!

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To take his name or not to take his name? That is the question.

In Episode 3 of The Thing About That we discuss the complex thought processes behind "the surname decision". In a modern world where we're led to believe that everything is possible, it's only right that a modern woman can expect to side-step the custom of giving up her maiden name. But is it really that easy? A lot goes into what a would-be-bride ends up deciding to do: should she go along with tradition, make the big request of asking the husband to take her name, or come up with something new altogether? Sharing a name says something about the unit you are creating together, but as with all things in a wedding, the conversation is never simple.

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 3 length: 34 mins 29 seconds

Option 1: Husband takes the wife's name (02:09)

Hettie tells her story. Not wanting to take her fiancé's surname after marriage out of principle.
We hear how Jacob decided to take her name instead and what led him to reach that decision.

Modern attitudes towards giving up your surname (07:25)

How are women’s attitudes shifting in regards to losing their maiden name?
What does it mean for your sense of identity to adopt a new name?
When can a new name give a sense of opportunity and when can it give a sense of yielding?

Broaching the subject of surname choice with your family (11:35)

How to tackle a difficult conversation with your family and in-laws if you are choosing to do something that is not traditional or expected.

Option 2: Combine your names to make something new (14:33)

Becca explains how her and Ben reached their decision to create a new surname.
The option of amalgamating your two names to create something double-barrelled or even brand-new.
What does the surname decision mean for possible future children?

The guilt of being a non-traditionalist (19:20)

What does it feel like to know that you constantly put people on edge by not going along with old-fashioned ideas.
Why are progressive people considered the tiring, boring ones?

Option 3: Stick with convention and take your husband's name (21:52)

Lucy explains the apathy around this choice that eventually leads to a more traditional decision on name-taking, taking your husband’s name just because you don’t care that much!
A brief discussion around whether one should be walked down the aisle or not, and by who. Tradition vs progress and what works for you.

Surnames and lineage (25:48)

The surname you choose in marriage is a lifeline to your family.
What does it mean, as a woman, to expect to cut your family name's line short if you get married?

Option 4: Leave it to chance (27:54)

Our hosts discuss occasions where people have allowed a game to decide what they end up with as a surname!

Unfortunate name-combos and "Diary Corner" (28:34)

Examples of unfortunate name combinations and unfortunate names.
On Becca's request, Lucy shares a snippet of her teenage diaries.

Thank you for listening!

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Let us tell you a real-life love story or three!

In Episode 2 of The Thing About That we're covering our hosts' 3 unique proposals. The romance, the ridiculousness of it all, the elation and the bits that we probably could have done without. Who proposed to who? And did you see it coming? Getting engaged is one of the most romantic and talked about moments of a relationship, but it's rife with anxiety, confusion, and a slurry of overwhelming emotions. Whoever you are, and whatever your story, between Becca, Hermione and Lucy, there will certainly be something to relate to! The women discuss their feelings in the lead-up to and the aftermath of an engagement and that ever-important issue of "the ring"!

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on name-taking, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 2 length: 39 mins 55 seconds

Lucy's engagement story (01:49)

"A remarkable, whirlwind romance."
Lucy catches you up on the totally unbelievable story of how she met her fiancé and how they ended up engaged after only half a year.
"It is no exaggeration to say that for me it was the biggest shock I had ever experienced in my life."

What are the social obligations of being proposed to? (11:34)

To post on instagram or not to post on instagram?
The difficulties of shouldering everybody else's excitement.

Becca's engagement story (13:01)

An engagement that came after 5 years of relationship and an immense amount of pressure from people around them.
"The whole thing just felt profoundly odd to me that there needed to be some sort of 'level up' involved."
When the man needs to ask, more than you need to be asked.

Are proposals ever still a genuine question? (17:17)

A proposal example that encompasses the enormity of the question itself. Tris asks Lucy to marry him, not knowing for sure that the answer would be yes.

Joint back accounts (20:00)

As a modern married couple, should we be putting all our money in one shared pot?

Hermione's engagement story (23:35)

"I sort of expected that I would see a lot more women proposing to men to initiate the marriage process."
What caused Hermione to propose to her partner after an entire life of resisting marriage?
How did Jacob feel being proposed to? What's it like to be a man who has the question popped to them rather than the other way around?

Becca's engagement story continued (33:30)

A proposal up the side of mountain in the Lake District.
How do you experience a proposal when you know it's coming up?
"What better way to be proposed to than with a mouthful of hula hoops?"

Engagement rings (39:58)

To wear or not to wear?
How do you find a ring that feels personal and not generic?
Diamonds vs emeralds vs black opals

Thank you for listening!

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Welcome to The Thing About That! And welcome to your tribe!

We're here to hold you tight and discuss everything that you feel like people have been side-stepping for years. In our first series, we're chatting weddings and marriage, and in Episode 1 you'll get to know your 3 hosts, Becca, Hermione and Lucy, who have been friends since the days of gel pens and furbies. As modern women, we discuss why we're even getting married, when we have so many reservations, who the lucky men are that we're marrying and whether we prefer to use the term fiancé or partner.

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Series 1, Episode 1 length: 27mins 28 seconds

Introductions - Meet Becca, Hermione and Lucy (01:43)

Becca is an artist, Hermione a lawyer and Lucy an actress. But they've all ended up planning a wedding within the same year and they've got a thing or two to say about this journey.

Why are you getting married? (04:51)

Did you always envisage yourself ending up as "a wife"?

What a wedding actually means today (08:01)

What does a wedding actually mean in the modern day?
"Planning an event rather than a commitment"
Is the proposal a bigger statement than the wedding itself?

Tackling the issues with marriage (08:53)

What happens when you're absolutely against the idea of marriage but end up falling in love with someone to whom the gesture is really important?
"The genesis of marriage has always been motivated by trying to control, commoditise and ultimately disenfranchise women from living the life that they were born to live."
Wanting to stand by and even celebrate those people who choose not to get married.
How can we fight for weddings to evolve as the world around us evolves?
What does the potential of a civil partnership for heterosexual couples represent?

A fiancé by any other name smells as sweet (16:45)

What's better? Fiancé, partner, boyfriend or husband.
The women share some entertaining stories about the ludicrous conversation of how to refer to that special other person in your life.

Bad date stories (20:04)

Lucy and Becca divulge the details of their worst dates.
Should the modern woman be paying for their date? Is it ok for the modern woman to order beer?

Finally, who are our men? (22:58)

Meet Ben, Jacob and Tris - the men behind our 3 fabulous hosts.
How long into their relationships did Becca, Hermione and Lucy get engaged? And when are their weddings planned for?

Thank you for listening!

The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married: Recent Episodes

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