A More Excellent Way with Dr. James and Nicola (KLRC): Recent Episodes
The KLRC Podcast Network
Dr. James and Nicola Hawkins’ passion is to offer a voice that echoes hope and healing in our community of faith. A More Excellent Way offers treasures for singles, married couples, families with children, engaged couples, foster families, and adoptive families. Each episode is designed to help you be invigorated, comforted, and equipped as Dr. James and Nicola help you reflect on the way God views marriage, family, and relationships.
In this episode we talk about what gratitude is and how it encompasses our whole being.
On this episode we sit down and talk about healing conversations around racial tension with our family from The More Than Small Talk Podcast.
Today we're revisiting this important conversation. So often you can get caught up in what it’s like to be on the receiving end of other people, but how often do you stop to think about what it is like for others to be on the receiving end of you? In this episode, we reflect on taking time to process what it may be like for others to be on the receiving end of ourselves.
On this episode Nicola and I talk about the God’s love and how is the foundation for how we connect with ourselves and with others.
Warning: This is a Sex talk for Adults
In this episode, we Interviewed Dr. Laurie Watson Ph.D., MA, LMFT, LCMHC, Director of Awakenings, and certified sex therapist. Dr. Watson has thirty years of experience working with couples and individuals about love and sex. She’s the host of the popular podcast, FOREPLAY RADIO—Couples and Sex Therapy ranked in the top 10 in iTunes under Sexuality. Laurie authored her first book Wanting Sex Again—How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage (Penguin) in December 2012.
Excellent Points
• Everybody, at some point, struggles with sexual problems.
• The mindset that sex is supposed to happen naturally is a massive block to talking about sex or being able to fully experience the joy of marriage.
• Talking about sex does not ruin the mood.
• We need to be sensitive to how we are using sexual desire, because the other person may want to feel desirable
• While we want to talk about the mechanics of sex or hearts matter as well. Laurie Watson
On this episode we got to talk to the Imhoff’s about their service to the community. We get to hear about how their journey through their own pain moves them into joining others who are hurting. It was moving to hear how their service to the community also serves to strengthen their own bond.
On this episode James shares about his emotional process during the Covid-19 response, and we take time to talk about handling emotions in general.
In this episode, Nicola and I go back and reflect on our conversation with the Hicks family. We discuss what we learned from them and how other couples can learn from their story. Please, go back and listen to episode 55 before you listen to this episode.
In times when the stress level abnormally changes, or there is a new sense of uncertainty it can put strains on our sense of well being and on our relationships. So how do we handle those times within ourselves and within our relationships? The first and main way is recognizing and accepting our total dependence on God. Secondly, recognizing we are connected to each other and that what we do impacts one another. We hope this episode helps you go about your relationship with God and with each other even during these uncertain times.
Over the next couple of episodes, Nicola and I will be taking time to go back and review some of the conversations we have gotten to have with our friends recently. In this episode, we discuss our interview with the Brooks family and their experience of adopting children from different ethnic groups.
Here are some of our main takeaways:
-Their willingness to reevaluate their view of their ethnic group and how they experienced other ethnic groups growing up.-They were intentional to learn and to join their children in their experience.-They were willing to try on the frame of how their children may experience the world differently because of their ethnicity.-They're willing to learn and seek help.-Their experience has helped bolster their advocacy and application of the Gospel.-They were willing to ask hard questions of themselves and their perspective of the world.
We had the privilege of talking with our friend Debbie about her experience of singleness. We discussed the mixed messages that singles often experience from their friends, family, and faith community. Debbie shared this profound thought with us, "I feel called to live out both the joy and grief of singleness—I don't have to choose one or the other." We hope this episode comforts and encourages our single listeners, and also equips the community to do a better job of walking alongside those who are single.
In this episode, Nicola and I interview our friends, the Hicks Family, who recorded this while they were ill. We talked to them about how they have grown in the ability to communicate with one another. We were moved by their vulnerability and how intentional they have been to grow in their marital bond. What really struck us was how they both owned how the moves they made at times contributed to the very issues that frustrated them.
On this episode we had the pleasure of talking with Rickey and Brittany Booker about coming together to get their finances in order. They shared about what led the two of you to begin the journey of becoming debt free, and how the process impacted their relationship with each other and with God.
Here is a link to their interview on the Dave Ramsey show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1fnfTJ5S2Y (their interview begins at about minute 28:17)
Brittany also does consultation for home organization. You can reach her at Uapbbbrittany@yahoo.com.
You can follow us on Facebook @amoreexcelway (https://www.facebook.com/amoreexcelway/) and Instagram @amoreexcelway (https://www.instagram.com/amoreexcelway/). You can email us at amoreexcelway@gmail.com.
In this episode, Nicola and I have an engaging conversation with Dr. Page Brooks and Dr. Ashley Brooks. They shared their journey of coming from a predominately white background and then adopting transracially. They discussed how their presuppositions were challenged and changed. They also shared about helping their kids process their adoption and their ethnic identities.
Dr. Paige Brooks is an Army Chaplain, Pastor of Canal Street Church: A Mosaic Community, and Mission Lead over Mosaic Ministries.
Dr. Ashley Brooks is VP of Wholistic Services and Trauma-Informed Care at the Restoration Initiative for Culture and Community, and she founded the Restoration Counseling in New Orleans.
The Restoration Institute Webpage http://therestorationinstitute.com
Restoration Counseling Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/172130099546419/
Restoration Counseling Websitehttp://www.restorationnola.com
On this episode we take time to help make sense of the struggles in relationships with emotional struggles or mental health issues. The truth is that we all struggle emotionally but because of medical reasons and life experience some have suffered more than most and it can make connecting in relationship harder than normal for all involved.
Nicola and I have been talking about not taking the people in our lives for granted, and we have also felt challenged to be intentional about giving of ourselves into the lives of others around us.
We take time to let you know more about what our visions and hopes are for this podcast. We flesh out more about how we try to help you flourish in your relationships with God and each other.
It’s our anniversary! In this episode and the previous episode, we took time to reflect on what we would say to the earlier married us. You know, the us we were in years one to five. This episode is Nicola speaking to the younger married version of herself. It was definitely great to look back at the things we struggled with and see how we have grown. We were also inspired by seeing the growth and realized we will continue to grow and that we can trust the process God has us in.
It’s our anniversary! In the next two episodes, we take time to reflect on what we would say to the earlier married us. You know, the us we were in years one to five. This episode is James speaking the younger married version of himself. It was definitely great to look back at the things we struggled with and see how we have grown. We were also inspired by seeing the growth and realized we will continue to grow and that we can trust the process God has us in.
What if someone said to you, “When I give, I give with certainty; when you ask, ask with certainty"?
How would you even begin to think through what you needed? This would be your one ask. I imagine you would sort through and really ponder what this one thing really meant to you...how it would impact your now and your later. You would be aware of the cost. You would show up with a really clear and certain ask... right? Let everything inside of you fully commit, and say with certainty what it is you need.
The holidays comes with a myriad of emotions. For some there is great joy and celebration, and for some there is great sorrow. For many there is both joy and sorrow at the same time. In this episode we take time to talk about the varying range of emotions during the holidays.
We took time to record a special episode on expressing thankfulness in relationships. So many times we can get lost in focusing on the struggles and pain we face and let the good things go unacknowledged. We do need to address the things that are blocking us in our relationships with God and with each other, but we also need to make space to give proper attention to the positive things as well.
So often you can get caught up in what it’s like to be on the receiving end of other people, but how often do you stop to think about what it is like for others to be on the receiving end of you? In this episode, we reflect on taking time to process what it may be like for others to be on the receiving end of ourselves.
In this episode Nicola and I discuss the value of physical connection to strengthening your marital bond.
Sharing your views on life and faith is an essential component of intimacy in marriage. It is a sharing of your private thoughts about your values and ideas. We hope this episode will inspire you and your partner to evaluate how you are experiencing closeness in the meeting of your minds.
In this episode we talk about the importance of having fun together to create a more intimate bond in your marriage. Have fun listening.
In this episode, Nicola and I discuss the powerful of emotional connection relationship. We describe the pain and frustration we experience when we are not emotionally connected and we describe the joy and intimacy when we are emotionally connected. Don’t forget to enjoy the other episodes in this series on intimacy in marriage.
This is the second episode of our series on intimacy. In this episode we talk about social intimacy which the closeness felt in sharing the same social support network. The outline of this series is formed from the Personal Assessment of Intimacy in Relationships (PAIR).
This is the first episode of a series on intimacy in marriage. The outline of this series is formed from the Personal Assessment of Intimacy in Relationships (PAIR). In this episode we talk about a general overview of intimacy in marriage.
None of us can go back and change the past, but we can change how the past impacts our present. In this episode we discus how we came to realize how our past was impacting us in ways we didn't realize, and how we moved to grow.
In this episode, we discuss the episode of loneliness going on in society. In many ways, we seem like we are more connected, but we are settling for shallow forms of connection that do not feed the deep needs of our soul. When we are alone, the experience of distress is increased and the experience of joy is diminished. We hope this episode will inspire to seek connection with God and each other.
In this episode, Nicola and I talk about predictable patterns couples get stuck in . The hope is to help listeners see these patterns and the unseen hopes and emotions that get missed in these patterns.
Nicola and I had the honor of talking with Dr. Jordan and Laura Harris. We were inspired by their level intentionality to share and listen to each other, which allowed them to navigate seasons of change and deepen their level of connection with each other. Over their six years of marriage, they have moved 3 times, completed a Ph.D. and taken care of their one-year-old son. Both of them hold dual therapeutic licenses as both a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage Therapist.
Dr. Harris is a therapist at The Joshua Center (jordan@thejoshuacenter.com), and he hosts The Informed Simplicity Podcast (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-informed-simplicity-project/id1427537186). Laura is at home with their son and hopes to live out her passion for helping marriages by hosting Created for Connection marriage groups this Spring.
In Matthew 22:36-40 Jesus stated that the greatest commandment is to love God with all that we are and all that we have (simple paraphrase). Jesus then stated a second commandment that is equivalent to the first, love your neighbor as you love yourself, but what happens when you don’t truly love or value yourself? In this episode, Nicola and I wrestle with loving others as we love ourselves.
“We can work really hard to get people to love us in our strengths to make up for not allowing people to love us in our vulnerability” (DocHawk). In this episode, Nicola and I take time to examine how our perspective of ourselves changes when we are in a state of vulnerability. How we see ourselves in vulnerability will determine if we reach out for help and how we reach for help. If you have a positive view of self you can reach in a vulnerable way to people, but if you have a negative view of self then you may not even reach or if you do it won’t be a vulnerable ask for help (more of a demand or indirect ask to shield from rejection). At the end, we hope you can make space to become aware of how you view yourself in need/vulnerability to see how that affects how or if you reach for help.
In this episode, we talk about anger in relationships. We talk about seeing the function of anger and how we respond to anger. We hope this episode will give you some space to think about your anger and how you respond to the anger of others.
In today’s world families can be scattered so far apart, and there is so much value in the stories and connection that come from the larger family group. In this episode, Nicola and I reflect on our time at our family reunion and how it blessed our hearts to hear stories from the elders of our family. We hope to inspire you to connect with your family members and to share stories.
This week’s episode is a follow-up to last week’s podcast where we shared about taking a risk and being vulnerable in marriage. This week James shares about how he has been defensive and sought to withdraw from his emotions. We hope this episode will help you identify the ways maybe you become defensive or how you try to turn the emotional volume in your or in your spouse
In this episode we discuss a conversation we recently had, and how we recognized our struggle to connect in the moment. It helps when we can really connect with the deeper vulnerable part of our heart: we were not in that moment and it looked really messy. We also discussed the risk it takes and the faith it requires from us in those moments to connect.
In this episode, we discuss the importance of having fun together and enjoying one another in marriage. Often times we can get caught up in just doing what it takes to make it through the day to day grind of life, and we don’t take time to enjoy life together. We hope you will have a conversation with your spouse about how the two of you can find ways to enjoy life together and have some fun.
In this episode we discuss the struggles we had trying to carry the load of life together in our different roles. Our hope is to help couples see our struggles and process so they can have a better perspective for one another.
Nicola and I have five blessed daughters. It has been a joy to grow as parents to each one individually, and to them all collectively. In this episode we discuss the joys and struggles of parenting multiple children.
In this episode Nicola and I discuss bringing home our 1st child and what that was like. We hope this episode is encouraging for young families. We also hope this show can be a fun trip down memory lane for families a little further along the road. We also want this to be food for thought for our single listeners who desire to marry and have kids.
This is the second episode of Nicola and I talking about our journey in parenting. The conversation took an unexpected turn as we talked about the loss of our first pregnancy, and how that impacted us in our journey. We want to warn listeners that this is some heavy emotion in this episode, but we also want to them to know they are not alone in their pain. At the end of the episode we close by praying for couples that have had pain and loss coming into parenthood.
In the next series of shows Nicola and I will be taking time to talk about our journey of becoming parents. In this first episode we talked about our views of parenting before we became parents. We feel like this conversation can good for singles to season married couples. It can be a good trip for you to go down memory lane, and it can be good to help you consider your views about kids before you have them or before you move forward in a relationship.
Excellent Points
- If you are in a relationship take time to talk openly about what having kids means or has meant to you
This is the third of a 3-part series to help you foster a healthy marriage bond.
Habits of a Healthy Marriage
- Triune Prayer
- Sex intimacy (intentionality & communication)
- Sabbath
- Common Purpose
- Live in Community
- Acknowledge Disruptions & Move Towards Repair
- Celebrate (When good happens don’t let it go unnoticed!)
- Respond to Pain with Comfort
- Edify Each Other (Ephesians 4:29)
- Attunement Check-ins
- Commune Together (sharing your inner worlds)
- Recreational Intimacy (take interest, participate, support each other’s hobbies interests)
- Make Bids for Connection (vulnerably and non-defensively)
- Turn Towards Bids for Connection (87%)
- Make space for moments of remembrance
This is the second of a 3-part series to help you foster a healthy marriage bond.
Habits of a Healthy Marriage
- Triune Prayer
- Sex intimacy (intentionality & communication)
- Sabbath
- Common Purpose
- Live in Community
- Acknowledge Disruptions & Move Towards Repair
- Celebrate (When good happens don’t let it go unnoticed!)
- Respond to Pain with Comfort
- Edify Each Other (Ephesians 4:29)
- Attunement Check-ins
- Commune Together (sharing your inner worlds)
- Recreational Intimacy (take interest, participate, support each other’s hobbies interests)
- Make Bids for Connection (vulnerably and non-defensively)
- Turn Towards Bids for Connection (87%)
- Make space for moments of remembrance
This is the first of a 3-part series to help you foster a healthy marriage bond.
God’s 1st Marriage Session Questions
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Connection - Where are you? (In relationship with God and your spouse?)
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Influence - Who told you that you were naked?
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Actions - What is this you have done?
Elements of a Healthy Marriage
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Complementary Union of Image Bearers (Gen 1:27)
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Common Kingdom Purpose (Gen 1:28-30)
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Intimate/Safe Bond (Gen 2:24-25)
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Filled with the Spirit (Eph 5:18)
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Yielded to Christ (Eph 5:21)
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Yielded to Each Other (Eph 5:21-31, 33)
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Reflect Christ’s Heavenly Connection (Eph 5:32)
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A deep sense of oneness with God and each other! (John 17)
Psalms 68: 5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
God set up the family to provide a place of connection and security to launch its members out to do the will of God. Our experience with family has long lasting implications on our view of God, self, and others. When families flourish so do communities, local churches, states, nations, and ultimately the Kingdom of God. The adversary, Satan has always been against God’s concept of family from the beginning, and he still seeks to break down any type of family connection (Gen 3:15). The tragedy as Dr. Evans put it, “…is that many Christians think they are fighting flesh and blood in their marital and parenting issues, rather than realizing that Satan has an agenda to destroy their home. Whoever controls the family controls the future.” (Victory in Spiritual Warfare).
In this episode Nicola and James tell their apple fritter story to demonstrate the depth of communication, and how communication goes off the rails because of underlying issues that we don’t often talk about in a vulnerable way.
In this episode we talk about the deeper aspect of communication and what it looks like in marriage. We describe communication as an intimate sharing of one’s thoughts and feelings and responding to one another’s thoughts and feelings.
Warning this is a conversation for adults.
Our desire in this episode is to cast a vision for the beauty and pleasure that God intended for sex. If you are a premarital couple, we want to help get you started on a good path towards developing your sexual bond together. If you are already married, we want to help promote an open dialogue about sex in your marriage so you can enjoy the good God intended for you to have in your sexual union.
In Ephesians 5 Paul points the husband and wife to look to Jesus as the foundation for them living at the role as husband and wife. In this episode we want to share how looking to Jesus serves as the foundation for the role of the husband and the wife.
In the next couple of episodes we are inviting you into a journey we just recently took with a group of pre-marital and newly married couples. You may have been married for a while, but this will still be good foundational material for you as well.
Covenant? Contract? Becoming one flesh? In this episode, we finally wrap up the foundational Genesis experience talking about how we have a hunger and desire to experience greater connection and oneness with God and others. We struggle, but we also want to experience and grow in our oneness. We are literally wired with hormones, and mirror neurons to bond together and take in what is going on in each other’s world. You’re invited to see closely how to become closer in oneness with your loved one.
In this episode, we talk a bit about how couples will now struggle in their desire to connect. We desire to respond to God, our spouse, our children, families, and our community. We try to hold up these relationships as best as possible, but conflicts arise. We are all affected by the fall; recognize the negative effects, how we get stuck, and how we tend to respond. For you to have conflicts makes sense. Our marital bonds are important, and we are comforted to know that if I reach for, then we will be responded to. We look for the grace, connection, redemption and covering from God and our loved
In this episode, we are looking at the responses between God and man, and how we can respond when we have a miss with God and each other. Disconnection doesn’t have to have the final say, [locate where you are at, the influences, and how you took part in the ‘thing] shalom-peace can be experienced. You can be loved in the pain and the not so beautiful, room can be made for each of you to grow together in love, beyond the shame and guilt.
The same ways and tactics Satan used in the garden, are some of the same things he uses to level with us. Satan tries to create confusion in us, distrust towards God, and disharmony or disconnection with our spouse. He tends to use forms like isolation, and deception, but God gave freedom then, and he offers freedom and connection now. Pay attention when you are experiencing isolation, disobedience, and when you are probed to disobey the word of God.
It’s not good for you to be alone! What does it really mean to be a helper, to submit, or even to lead and serve? What are ways that you as a spouse can be blessed by the way your spouse operates in their traits, gifting, and abilities?
Marriage is made up of the feel goods and companionship, but purpose and work are also woven into the tapestry of the marital union. We are doing something together, creating meaningfulness and unity, a sense of I believe in you, me and how God put us together to use his given gifts and resources to build, influence, and ultimately for the Kingdom of God. In this episode, we look at the multifaceted purpose of marriage.
This episode highlights that we were made in relationship for relationships. We talked about the importance of being aware of influences to the view of yourself, and to intentionally seek out who you are in the image of God, and in connection to relationships. We also ask what does it mean to show reverence, honor and respect to your spouse?
This episode wraps up our 15 things in 15 years, we share of some things we hope for in our future. Let’s face it, marriage has its challenges of coming together, catch how we’re planning to tackle it!
In this Episode, Nicola also shares her 15 things she’s gleaned from 15 years of marriage! With some tears and sentiments you will hear how marriage has shaped her insight into the truth that we are not defined by the seasons we are in.
In this episode, James gives a glimpse into what it’s been like being married for 15 years. He shares 15 specific things, he has learned including the powerful truth that God can heal us together, if we can handle being broken together.
Dr. James and Nicola Hawkins tackle the age-old question: What is love? Join a conversation with some new insights that might just change your perspective on love and how we love each other well!