PsychosisPsositivity: Recent Episodes
Rose Parker
A podcast about the experience of living with psychosis, specifically schizophrenia. I’ve had schizophrenia for as long as I can remember and it’s been quite a journey, I think we’ll find plenty to talk about! Check out my Instagram @PsychosisPsositivity for daily updates!
Schizophrenia often involves an altered sense of embodiment, an experience In describe here. My experience with altered embodiment in Schizophrenia has been heavily focused on the brain and skull, which led me to think about how this might affect other Symptoms, particularly Thought Insertion and Thought Broadcasting. I explore some of my thoughts on the topic here, I'd love to hear what you think in the Instagram comments for this episode or in a private message!
I've always been interested in the ways different diagnoses relate, and was fasdcinated at how similar the description of developmental remediation was in a book I have been reading for Borderline patients as it was in my experience for DID & Schizophrenia. Personality Disorders & Schizophrenia have interesting areas of overlap & similarity, and here I sharte my reflections on how re-parenting in Schizophrenia is similar to Personality Disorder Therapy when both are using Psychoanalytic elements.
Kernberg, O. F. (1984). Severe personality disorders psychotherapeutic strategies. Yale University Press.
Perona-Garcelán S, Carrascoso-López F, García-Montes JM, Ductor-Recuerda MJ, López Jiménez AM, Vallina-Fernández O, Pérez-Álvarez M, Gómez-Gómez MT. Dissociative experiences as mediators between childhood trauma and auditory hallucinations. J Trauma Stress. 2012 Jun;25(3):323-9. doi: 10.1002/jts.21693. Epub 2012 May 15. PMID: 22589015.
Schultz, H. E., & Hong, V. (2017). Psychosis in Borderline Personality Disorder: How Assessment and Treatment Differs from a Psychotic Disorder. Current Psychiatry, 16(4), 24–29.
We've talked about social alienation & Social Defeat, but what does that do to your relationship to yourself in the context of a Psychotic condition? Feeling alienated from yourself & others is normal for Traumatized people, but how does this manifest in someone with Schizophrenia (and DID, as my case was)? Here I explore some of my thoughts & hypotheses on Self-Alienation in Schizophrenia/Psychosis, and my experiences in Recovery/Stabilization from this state.
Further Reading:
Bailey, T., Alvarez-Jimenez, M., Garcia-Sanchez, A. M., Hulbert, C., Barlow, E., & Bendall, S. (2018). Childhood Trauma Is Associated With Severity of Hallucinations and Delusions in Psychotic Disorders: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Schizophrenia bulletin, 44(5), 1111–1122. https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbx161
Davis, J., Eyre, H., Jacka, F. N., Dodd, S., Dean, O., McEwen, S., Debnath, M., McGrath, J., Maes, M., Amminger, P., McGorry, P. D., Pantelis, C., & Berk, M. (2016). A review of vulnerability and risks for schizophrenia: Beyond the two hit hypothesis. Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews, 65, 185–194. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2016.03.017
Selten, J. P., van der Ven, E., Rutten, B. P., & Cantor-Graae, E. (2013). The social defeat hypothesis of schizophrenia: an update. Schizophrenia bulletin, 39(6), 1180–1186. https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbt134
Polydispia is a rarely-discussed symptom of Schizophrenia, but it is incredibly intrsuive to live with. Polydipsia is the experience of excessive thirst and craving for water, even to the point of physical injury. I have experienced Polydipsia from a young age and it has been a struggle for me. Here are some of my reflections on the experience.
I used to not be an animal person, but since I got my Parakeets (Budgies, Birdies) last Fall I've found myself falling in love with these little happy fluffballs. My Budgies came to me sick and underdeveloped, and out time together has been a journey of mutual healing and trust-building. While some people think Schizophrenics shouldn't have pets, this isn't true; my Budgies help me manage Negative Symptoms like Avolition and Anhedonia, in addition to helping with my loneliness and withdrawal. We are not dangerous to our pets and having pets can be very helpful to our wellbeing.
I thought it might be useful for me to talk about some of my early childhood experiences. Early onset Schizophrenia/Schizotypy is considered rare, but in my experience working with the Psychosis Community I believe it is actually wildly underdiagnosed. This podcast episode is purely informational, but I hope it can help shed some clarity on either your own experiences or those of a loved one. I'm happy to talk on my Instagram if you have any specific questions.
Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), formerly Conversion Disorder, is a Somatic Symptom Disorder that causes psychogenic symptoms that would typically be caused by conditions labeled Neurological. I struggled with FND for about a year and a half, from early 2017 to late 2018, and the experience left an impression. Having FND severely stigmatized me and added an excruciating layer on to my already misunderstood Schizophrenia. Recording this hard podcast was very hard, and my emotions are evident in my Speech symptoms (just a heads up). While the idea of another FND episode looms in preconscious regularly, remembering just how awful the active illness was was a little much.
Antipsychotic medications are known to cause infertility in a subset of patients, especially patients assigned female. What is it like to be one of these patients? How do you find out about this side effect, and what is it actually like to through. In this podcast, I discuss my experience with Antipsychotic-indiced infertility, as well as the social atmosphere around Schizophrenia and reproductive rights.
Link to essay: https://www.psychosispsositivity.com/blog/reproductive-ethics-and-antipsychotic-medication
We all know that trauma can be a cause of Psychosis, but what does chronci/developmental trauma do to someone with Schizophrenia in a practical sense? What is it actually like to live with? How can it be approached by clinicians? In this episode, I share my experience with chronic trauma/PTSD and Schizophrenia, share how it was differen than what people normally think of PTSD, and what was done right in my psychotherapy.
I recovered from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) over three years ago now--what are my thoughts? How has it affected me? What emotions does the the story bring up? How did this diagnosis relate to my Schizophrenia stabilization? While it was a harrowing journey at times, I am overall grateful for the experience and I believe it was formative for my current path.
Delusions are amophorus in character, difficult to pin down and elusive. I've spent much of my career talking about them, but I feel I have not made enough that defines/explains them for those who have not experienced them first hand. I believe there is a need for this, because I continue to come across misinterpretations of the Delusional experience in worm by non-Psychotic authors. A follow-up to my essay "On the Philosophy of Delusions", here are some thoughts on Delusions as Events. Let me know what you think in the Instagram comments.
Do you like to read? I certainly did, until the ability slowly began slipping away from me. I lost the ability to read over a number of years, but regained it relatively quickly. The cognitive symptoms of Schizophrenia are no joke, but receive relatively little awareness. Here, I explain. my journey with the most severe cognitive symptom I have experienced and how I recovered from it.
The podcast is back from break for my move!
We all know that bullying can leave a mark on the psyche, but what happens when a child with Schizotypy gets bullied? Well, I believe that the severe bullying I faced in grade school and part of high school was a factor in the development of my chronic Schizophrenia. Like any trauma, bullying shapes the brain in its own image, and in my case I believe that lead to Paranoid ideation and possibly other Schizophrenic symptoms. Join me on this exploration of the past and ideas of Schizophrenia pathogenesis.
TW: Discussion of suicidal ideation, sexual harassment, and eating disorders
Schizophrenia is a whole brain condition and also affects the neuroendocrine system, and this is not even to mention the far-reaching effects of psychotropic mendication. It is hard to makle peace with your body when it is so stigmatized and seems to be determined to do whart you don't want it to do. Here, I describe my thought process in how I made peace with my Schizophrenic body, an action that has given me signiicant mental freedom and relief.
Meet Cecilia McGough, founder of the non-profit Students With Psychosis. Cecilia has gone on a harrowing journey, from navigating first Psychotic symptoms in childhood to leaving her Astronomy major in university to make it on her own in NYC. She has a TEDx talk with millions of views and is one of the most prominent voices of our community currently. She's also one of my best friends. Join us, as Cecilia shares her journey and we banter about the work of Psychosis Advocacy.
Can you remember who the President is? For me it might take a few tries, just like this espisode did! Sense of time and space can easily be distorted in Schizophrenia, either directly by delusion or by other aspects of the neurodivergence. This is not a subject I have seen much content on, but it is something that interests me and I would love to hear your thoughts back on Instagram.
What is a Boundary Experience, and how do they relate to Schiszophrenia? I explain that here, describing the variety of ways Schizophrenia can create what are called Boundary Experiences. These experiences put you on the edge of life, and I hypothesize might play a role in the mechanism for Psychosis. Join me in this brief philosophical exploration of the Schizophrenic mind.
Book Details: "The Gift of Therapy: an Open Letter to the Next Generation of Therapists and their Patients" Yalom ID, 2012, Audible Audiobook.
This is a first for PsychosisPsositivity as we welcome our first podcast guest! Michael O'Grady developed Schizophrenia at 15 but managed to graduated from Princeton and earn an MBA, have a distinguished career in mental health and business, and raise a family. His story shows that a person can have chronic Schizophrenia and still live a successful and fulfilling life. Schizophrenic people can live good lives, but we must be given the opportunity.
Please note the audio got a bit warped when we were recording, so my end became unintelligible for most of the episode. I've recorded over to fill in the gaps, but it might be a little weird. Mr O'Grady can be heard, and he is the star this time so I decided to roll with it.
Cotard's Syndrome is defined as "any one of a series of delusions that range from a belief that one has lost organs, blood, or body parts to insisting that one has lost one’s soul or is dead" (Ruminjo & Mekinulov, 2008). I experienced Cotard's symptoms fof various kinds for about a decade, and I explore these delusions and their meaning in this episode.
Citation: Ruminjo, A., & Mekinulov, B. (2008). A Case Report of Cotard's Syndrome. Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)), 5(6), 28–29.
This one gets personal as I discuss my feelings towards the concepts of recovery from Schizophrenia. I personally do not see my journey as being on a path to "recovery", but rather as a long adaptation to an unusual life that I see as a gift. I found treatment most helpful when it worked with my brain rather than trying to make the Schizophrenia go away. I sometimes found my thoughts difficult to articulate, so expect a few pauses.
I've talked about my color and light hallucinations on my pages before, but I thought it was about time I go really in depth as to what the experience is like. The colors and light are such a major part of my everyday experience, but they are so far from the ordinary I found it difficult to put them into words. I hope that my explanation is interesting/useful, thanks for joining me again!
Navigating the world with Psychosis is incredibly difficult, and we are the subject of a huge about of sitgma and bigotry. Because of this, it is easy to take on a view of yourself as purely oppressed. This can blind us to the real dynamics of society and how we actually have the ability to harm others, including other Psychotic people. This podcast is my call to white Psychotic people to learn more and take a stand for Psychotic People of Color and acknowledge the complicated dynamics that can come from being white and Psychotic.
✨Please note I recorded this before I knew about the Chauvin verdict and my reference to the George Floyd case is referring to the events of last summer. I was having some speech issues when I recorded this and it’s not entirely clear✨
Prodcutivity and Imposter Syndrome are popular topics on the Web these days, especially in mental health circles. But how do they effect you when you have a Psychotic disorder? I explore this topic in this episode.
What is Stereotype Threat, and how does it apply to Psychotic people? Here I disucss this concept from Social Psychology and how it applies to the lives and well being of people with Psychosis. Having Psychosis can be incdredbily alienating, and we need allies to help us. You can ease the stereotype burden on Psychotic people by taking simple steps to educate yourself and those around you.
Study Citation:
van Zelst C, van Nierop M, Oorschot M, Myin-Germeys I, van Os J, et al. (2014) Stereotype Awareness, Self-Esteem and Psychopathology in People with Psychosis. PLoS ONE 9(2): e88586. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0088586
With the COVID-19 pandemic, we have all been using the computer more, but how does this affect you when you have Psychosis? Here, I discuss what the increased tech use has done to my symptom expression and ways I have found to cope.
I thought I would share my experience successfully navigating the graduate school admissions process with Schizophrenia. There are many hurdles that must be overcome to successfully gain admitance to grad school, and these hurdles can be much more severe with a Psychotic disorder. Here, I explain why this is.
Psychosis can create a very strange reality, and I am no stranger to that. In this episode I discuss the many bizarre body hallucinations I have experienced, especially those tied to my many years of disordered eating. The mind is a wonderful thing, but it can make one's life very complicated.
Psychotic people having religious beliefs and experiences is stigmatized, so what do you do when you are deeply spiritual? Here I discuss stigma surrounding Psychotic people and spirituality, as well as my own relationship with Psychosis and religion.
Voices are the oldest hallucination that I remember having, and they have shaped much of my life. Hearing voices built my resilience, affected my personality, and even changed the structure of my thoughts. It was difficult and painful going through years of hearing voices with no help, but it’s helped to make me who I am. Like many things involving Psychosis, it is a complicated experience.
Also, Psychosispsositivity was recently awarded a spot in Feedspot.com’s list of top Schizophrenia podcasts! You can read the article here: https://blog.feedspot.com/schizophrenia_podcasts/
Art therapy seemed strange at first, but it changed my life for the better. In this episode I explore how art therapy worked to improve my Schizophrenia symptoms and better my insight, as well as lead me to recovery from Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Mental health stigma is pervasive across our society, and the internet is not different. Stigma can be on the individual level, such as tone and language policing or the promotion of harmful stereotypes. It can also be systemic, such as the current hashtag suppression being done by Instagram. I encourage you to take action and contact the FTC about Instagram’s harmful behavior.
Growing up with undiagnosed Schizophrenia makes many things very hard, but social development was a prominent area of difficulty for me. Figuring out how to relate and empathize with other people was confusing, as I had to figure out how to connect with people who seemed to be living in another dimension! Like all children in hard situations, I developed my own coping skills at the time, but thankfully (with the help of amazing therapists), have learn proper socialization and empathy as an adult. It’s been a journey, but no one said life would be easy.
Psychotic people don’t all lack insight. Experiencing hallucinations and delusions doesn’t mean you’ll believe them. And let me make clear, Psychotic people who do lack insight and need inpatient treatment deserve respect and decency and to have their rights respected. But please don’t treat all of us like we don’t know what is going on, it’s really obnoxious.
I’ve been a corpse, a simulation, and a princess. Delusions are irrational beliefs held even when presented with evidence to the contrary, and I’ve had many over the years. There are good ways and bad ways to react to someone who is experiencing delusions, and unfortunately people in my life haven’t always responded well. This episode is all about delusions and ways I and the people around me have responded to them.
I’ve made peace with my illness, but it hasn’t always been this way. Finding the meaning for my Schizophrenia has been a long journey, but I have finally found myself able to feel grateful for the life I’d once have done anything to leave.
I’ve had some pretty wild experiences with antipsychotic side effects. Between losing my fertility and having my entire face become paralyzed and more, my body’s taken a hit. I recount my experiences with my worst side effects here. Remember that having side effects is not a reflection on you as a person. Please note this is not medical advice, I am just sharing my story so others feel less alone.
I wanted to go into my thoughts and experiences with psychotic fatigue in greater depth. Here I explain what psychotic fatigue has felt like to me and ways I have thought to cope. Sorry for the static by the way, I didn’t realize there was background noise.
I wanted to collect the various stories I’ve told of doctors and nurses grievously mishandling serious medical conditions. So here’s the anthology of medical neglect and psychosis. We need change in how medical professionals are educated about psychiatric conditions, because this kind of behavior can not be allowed to continue.
Why should police respond to what is at its core a medical emergency? Is there a link between the disproportionate number of mentally ill Black people brutalized by police and the over diagnosis of Schizophrenia in the African-American population? I’m very curious, and don’t have all the answers. Join me as I work through my thoughts and some of the data on police brutality, race, and mental illness in the USA.
Sources:
Sage: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1536504218776970
Census: https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/PST045219
Paranoia is a chilling and confusing experience. Life can go from sensible to turbulent very quickly without anything actually having changed. I’ve had chronic paranoia for years, and describe my experiences with the condition. As confusing as this condition might be, we are still people.
Schizophrenia stresses many aspects of ones life, and family is no different. My disorder has strained many of my family relationships and contributed to my estrangement from many of my relatives. It has also lead me to develop many new relationships outside of my family, for which I am grateful.
Schizophrenic or Person with Schizophrenia, which to use? Personally I use both but prefer Schizophrenic. I respect psychotic people’s choice in the matter, and don’t judge people no matter what type of language they choose to identify with. Here, I discuss my reasoning behind my preferences.
What does growing up with Schizophrenia do to your perception of yourself socially? For me, it made it much more difficult for me to function in the adult social social world, but I’ve been working to overcome the challenges set by my early life. Thanks to my wonderful friends and mentors at school, and I rebuilding social self esteem.
Abusive Staff. Involuntary Medication. Lying Doctor. It was a terrible encounter but experiences like this are part of what has given me the drive to do what I do now. I hope this podcast can shed a light on what can happen behind the closed doors of a mental hospital, and keep in mind what happened to me is fairly minor compared to what a lot of people go through.
How I learned to deal with hearing voices, from my first attempts in adolescence to what I learned in therapy. Also, I misspoke, the music hallucinations were in 10/2018, not 2019. This is not medical advice, consult your psychiatrist or licensed therapist before trying any mental health advice
What are religious delusions like? What does hearing blasphemous voices do to a person? Well, I’ll explain. I had religious psychosis for many years and it wasn’t pleasant, as I I describe in this podcast.
I suffered from mania for many years, primarily from my teens to the beginning of my twenties. My manic psychosis has ranged from fantastic and almost fun to nearly deadly. Here I discuss some of my experiences and express my desire for greater support for the Bipolar populations.
Throughout my adolescence I suffered from all of the Big Three: anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. My psychosis interacted with my eating disorders in interesting ways, primarily through paranoia and somatic hallucinations. I hope this podcast can shine a light on a little looked at comorbidity.
Here I recall my experiences with extreme dissociation and dissociative identity disorder with regards to my psychosis. I suffered from extreme dissociation in the past, ranging from derealization and depersonalization to full-on DID, from which I am now recovered. All of these illnesses interacted with my psychosis in unique ways, which I explore in this podcast.
In this episode I discuss how to deal with self esteem issues stemming from a psychotic disorder, both from psychotic symptoms and disability caused by psychosis. I talk about my own experience and what methods worked for me to improve my self esteem surrounding my psychotic disorder.
In this episode I talk about how I deal with panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, and paranoia within the context of a psychotic disorder.
Here I discuss my guidelines and some tips for telling people about your psychotic disorder, including outlining some basics for university and the job search.
In this episode I discuss my various psychosis-related struggles with self care over the years and how I have overcome them in the present day.
In this episode I discuss the arduous process of getting my schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, my original schizophrenia-spectrum diagnosis. I had many misdiagnoses and dealt with bad professionals, and offer my advice for dealing with stubborn doctors: remember who’s paying.
In this episode I discuss the relationship of my psychosis to traumatic experiences I have had, as well as the many way my schizophrenia has led to me developing trauma. TW: self harm, emotional abuse. Note: this episode was recorded at low volume so you’ll need to turn up the volume a little, sorry!
Here I discuss my struggles with cognitive and intellectual symptoms, and overview of how they have changed throughout my life. I hope this can provide and insight into what life with these symptoms is like or provide a sense of fellowship to other schizophrenics dealing with the same little-discussed issue.
Here I describe my hellish experiences on mental wards. Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation and medical abuse.
In this episode I describe my experiences getting “dumped” by two counselors, one a positive experience one negative. I hope hearing this can help you navigate this difficult experience yourself.
Here I discuss some tips from my experience going to university with psychosis. I discuss handling disability accommodations especially and dealing with time management.
Here I describe my adult struggles with schizophrenia and socializing. Feelings of being an outsider and feeling like others can tell I am different from cursory interactions and well as difficulties when joining new social circles.
Here I share my experience growing up with schizophrenia and how I went undiagnosed for so many years.
Here I recall my time at university after my psychotic, what it was like immediately following the incident and how things have changed since recovery
Here I discuss my experience on antipsychotics and lithium. I describe side effects I have had with the drugs and what I feel I gained from taking them.
A “psychotic break” is a large psychotic episode. They are terrifying and can be life changing. Here I share my experience of my my schizophrenic break in October of 2016 when I was a Sophomore in college. I describe the events leading up my psychotic break and the experience eod the break itself. I hope by sharing this I can help other better understand what it’s like to have a psychotic condition and help other psychotics. My break was an awful experience but ultimately it put me on the road to recovery.