Hope for the Caregiver: Recent Episodes
Peter Rosenberger
We cannot always move another person's mountains. Sometimes our task is simply to help them see more clearly. Peter reflects on the small acts of care entrusted to us, the limits of what caregivers can control, and the God who holds the view beyond the glass.
Want to see more? Check the article on Peter's Substack. (www.caregiver.substack.com)
An American Family Radio 35th-anniversary survey asked me to share something listeners might be surprised to learn about me. My answer led somewhere I didn't expect. In this episode, I trace an ordinary childhood chore through horse stalls, a hospital laundry room, decades of caregiving, and finally to a much larger truth about suffering, stewardship, and redemption. I also close with Philip Bliss's magnificent hymn, "Hallelujah! What a Savior."
*]:pointer-events-auto R6Vx5W_threadScrollVars scroll-mb-[calc(var(--scroll-root-safe-area-inset-bottom,0px)+var(--thread-response-height))] scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:e3769a35-6621-457b-b568-72a5f62933d3-2" data-turn-id-container= "request-WEB:e3769a35-6621-457b-b568-72a5f62933d3-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-turn="assistant"> Caregiving can feel painfully slow. The same responsibilities, struggles, and prayers continue day after day. But slow does not mean aimless.
In this episode, I draw from the careful adjustments required for Gracie's new prosthetic legs. A body shaped by decades of trauma cannot be corrected overnight. Neither can a life. God understands what has shaped us, knows exactly what He is correcting, and works with a wisdom that never hurries and never wastes time.
I also celebrate eight years of Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio, share a small-town Montana story involving our postmaster and an urgent request for Imodium, and return to Ecclesiastes 3:11 with the caregiver hymn of the week, "In His Time."
When progress seems glacial and caregiving appears endless, I keep returning to what is true: God makes all things beautiful in His time.
Every Wednesday, I host TRUTH TALK LIVE on the Truth Network.
Here's what I discussed recently.
Five hundred years ago, William Tyndale published his English translation of the New Testament—and eventually paid for it with his life.
Tyndale believed ordinary Christians should be able to read the words of Christ for themselves, rather than depending entirely on someone else to tell them what Scripture said.
In this live episode of Truth Talk Live, Peter Rosenberger explores Tyndale's dangerous mission, the price paid to place the Bible in our hands, and the biblical illiteracy that persists despite our unprecedented access to Scripture.
Along the way, a caller raises a provocative question: Why are some churches removing Bibles and hymnals from the pews while placing everything on screens?
Owning a Bible is not the same as reading it. Reading it is not the same as understanding it. And understanding it is not the same as submitting to it.
Who has the final word in your life?
Recorded live on Truth Talk Live.
For forty years I've said that healthy caregivers make better caregivers—and this week that truth became personal in a new way.
In this episode, I share an update following my recent cancer treatment and explain why caregivers must be willing to care for themselves if they hope to care well for others.
Then I tell a story that could only happen in Montana. Two strangers drove up our mountain road looking for a man named "Don," leading to an unforgettable conversation with a sheriff's deputy that challenged the way I think about responsibility, self-reliance, and being a good neighbor.
Along the way, we'll laugh about a small-town post office, reflect on the lessons hidden in everyday life, and revisit Andraé Crouch's timeless hymn, "Bless the Lord, O My Soul," and why it has meant so much to Gracie and me through decades of caregiving.
Whether you're caring for a spouse, parent, child, or friend—or simply trying to live faithfully where God has planted you—I hope this conversation encourages you to prepare well, shoulder your responsibilities with grace, and remember that hope is never far away.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And healthy caregivers help make stronger families. There's more at Caregiver.substack.com
"When Jesus saw their faith..." What did Jesus actually see? Peter Rosenberger reflects on one sentence from Mark's Gospel that reveals the character of Christ and offers hope to caregivers and everyone faithfully carrying burdens that often go unnoticed.
If this message encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it. For more encouragement for family caregivers, visit caregiver.substack.com.
Is America a democracy or a constitutional republic? Why did the Founding Fathers reject pure democracy and build a government with checks and balances? In this special Independence Day episode, Peter Rosenberger explores the biblical view of human nature, the influence of John Locke, Montesquieu, James Madison, and Robert Woodson, and explains why caregivers uniquely understand stewardship, accountability, and freedom. Discover how the lessons learned from decades of caregiving illuminate the Constitution, patriotism, limited government, and the Christian hope that no government can provide.
Why do we so quickly forget what we know to be true? Peter Rosenberger explains the heart behind Hope for the Caregiver and why every episode begins with reminding himself of the gospel. Through the examples of David at Ziklag and Jeremiah in Lamentations, Peter encourages family caregivers to renew their minds, encourage themselves in the Lord, and find lasting hope in the midst of chronic suffering. Whether you've been caregiving for decades or just began this week, this episode offers practical encouragement rooted in Scripture.
There's more at Caregiver.Substack.com
Family caregivers know what it feels like to fall short. In this episode, Peter Rosenberger explores the difference between failure and faithfulness, why perfection is a burden no caregiver can carry, and why your attendance record matters more than your performance record.
Peter also reflects on stewardship, productivity, and the responsibility of using what God has entrusted to us—right where we are.
In a special Father's Day message, he shares the moving story behind the words, "Daddy's here," from Gracie's awakening after a devastating accident to comforting his own son through a painful childhood injury. Through these experiences, Peter points listeners to the greater assurance of God's presence when explanations fail and life doesn't make sense.
Topics Covered:
- Perfectionism and caregiving
- Failure versus faithfulness
- The caregiver's attendance record
- Stewardship and productivity
- Father's Day reflections
- Finding comfort in God's presence
- Why presence often matters more than answers
More resources for family caregivers at Caregiver.Substack.com
Forty years ago, following the first surgery I went through with Gracie, the doctor told me to take a break.
So I went to a movie.
While I was gone, people questioned my commitment, my character, and whether I could handle being a caregiver at all. Decades later, another surgeon faced with one of Gracie's most complex surgeries gave me the exact same instruction:
"Go see a movie."
In this episode, I explore what that experience taught me about caregiver guilt, boundaries, stewardship, and learning what is—and isn't—mine to carry.
I also revisit one of the most powerful load-bearing hymns ever written, It Is Well With My Soul, and explain why grieving people continue to find strength in its timeless words.
If you've ever felt guilty for resting, struggled with criticism, or wondered how to stay healthy while caring for someone who isn't, this episode is for you.
Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers™
Most of us read Psalm 23 and imagine the valley as a short stretch of road leading somewhere better. We assume we're simply passing through.
But some valleys aren't short.
Some stretch beyond the horizon.
Most people can endure a crisis for a season. Very few can sustain that pace for years. Yet many burdens last far longer than we expect. Caregiving, chronic illness, grief, disability, loneliness, and countless other hardships often remain long after we've exhausted our plans for escaping them.
Scripture never promises that God will remove every frightening, uncomfortable, or painful circumstance simply because we dislike it. In fact, when Israel found itself exiled in Babylon, God instructed His people to build houses, plant gardens, raise families, and seek the welfare of the city where they lived.
Why?
Because they were going to be there awhile.
God wasn't abandoning His people. He was teaching them how to live faithfully in a place they never wanted to be. Before promising them a future and a hope, He instructed them to unpack.
That truth has become increasingly meaningful to me.
For years, I kept waiting for life to settle down. After the next surgery. After the next hospitalization. After the next crisis. Eventually, I realized I was waiting for a train that wasn't coming.
More than forty years later, the valley stretches farther than I ever imagined.
Yet so does God's faithfulness.
That is why one verse in Psalm 23 has taken on fresh meaning for me:
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies."
Notice what David does not say.
He doesn't say the enemies disappear.
He says God prepares a table in their presence.
The Shepherd does not always lead us around the valley.
But He always feeds us in it.
A caller recently asked about a woman caring for a disabled adult son while family members pressured her to take on additional caregiving responsibilities.
The details were complicated.
The answer wasn't.
One of the hardest lessons caregivers ever learn is knowing what is theirs to carry—and what is not.
In this conversation, we explore boundaries, stewardship, guilt, obligation, and why "No" is sometimes the most faithful answer a caregiver can give.
When does caregiving really end?
In this powerful conversation, Peter Rosenberger welcomes Emmy Award-winning journalist and actress Malena Cunningham to discuss her extraordinary journey as a family caregiver.
Click to order this book!
After losing her sister, Malena became the primary caregiver for her aging mother. Then, while caring for her mother through kidney failure and dialysis, her husband suffered a devastating stroke. Suddenly, she found herself caring for two loved ones at the same time while trying to hold her own life together.
Together, Peter and Malena explore:
- The emotional toll of caregiving
- How grief changes us
- Learning to let go when a loved one is ready to die
- The loneliness caregivers often carry
- Faith during crisis and uncertainty
- Life after caregiving ends
- Finding purpose after profound loss
Malena shares the deeply personal story behind her book, When Love Lets Go: A Daughter's Faith Journey and Her Mother's Final Days, and reflects on what it means to move forward after losing both her mother and husband within months of each other.
If you've ever cared for a loved one, faced difficult medical decisions, wrestled with grief, or wondered who you are after caregiving ends, this conversation offers wisdom, encouragement, and hope.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
#Caregiving #FamilyCaregiver #Grief #Faith #EndOfLifeCare #CaregiverSupport #HopeForTheCaregiver #PeterRosenberger #MalenaCunningham #CaregiverBurnout #AgingParents #DementiaCare #ChronicIllness #ChristianPodcast #LossAndHope
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger explores the power of questions, the kind that cut through noise, expose truth, and force clarity in moments when something real is at stake.
Drawing from hospital rooms, caregiving, Scripture, politics, and even funeral services, Peter examines why caregivers often learn to ask better questions than the rest of the culture. From Ronald Reagan's famous debate question to God's questions to Job, this episode looks at how honest questions reveal what we truly believe, what we fear, and what we ultimately want our lives to stand for.
Peter also shares practical caregiving wisdom about preparing a home for mobility challenges, including lessons learned from nearly forty years of caring for his wife Gracie who lives with severe disabilities.
Plus: another installment of Hymns Every Caregiver Ought to Know, featuring Charles Wesley's "And Can It Be," and why exhausted caregivers need more than slogans, they need truth strong enough to steady the soul.
]:pointer-events-auto R6Vx5W_threadScrollVars scroll-mb-[calc(var(--scroll-root-safe-area-inset-bottom,0px)+var(--thread-response-height))] scroll-mt-(--header-height)" dir="auto" data-turn-id="29a3ec95-33e3-4db6-9b00-4ee090b74892" data-testid="conversation-turn-29" data-scroll-anchor="false" data-turn="user"> ]:pointer-events-auto [content-visibility:auto] supports-[content-visibility:auto]:[contain-intrinsic-size:auto_100lvh] R6Vx5W_threadScrollVars scroll-mb-[calc(var(--scroll-root-safe-area-inset-bottom,0px)+var(--thread-response-height))] scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:9f6b0fa5-44a1-4267-b746-e970a58e8033-15" data-testid= "conversation-turn-30" data-scroll-anchor="false" data-turn= "assistant"> Caregiver exhaustion can take people to strange places. For Peter Rosenberger, one of those places involved trying to admit himself into a mental health facility… and ending up with a tuna sandwich.
In this deeply personal and unexpectedly funny episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter reflects on burnout, despair, exhaustion, and the strange moments of clarity that sometimes come when caregivers run out of road.
Drawing from more than four decades caring for his wife Gracie through nearly 100 surgeries, Peter offers candid insight, hard-won perspective, and a reminder that weary caregivers are not as alone as they think.
It helps to listen to this while eating a tuna sandwich.
More encouragement for family caregivers at: caregiver.substack.com
After another national crisis, the familiar chorus returned: "We need to tone it down."
But who exactly is "we"?
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger explores the dangerous habit of hiding personal responsibility behind collective language. Drawing from four decades as a caregiver, Peter examines accountability, media rhetoric, leadership, repentance, caregiving stress, and the difference between saying "we should do better" and "I should do better."
This is not a political rant. It's a conversation about ownership, moral clarity, public discourse, humility, and the kind of repentance that actually costs something.
Topics include: • Personal responsibility • Accountability and leadership • Caregiver stress and emotional exhaustion • Media rhetoric and public discourse • Faith, repentance, and humility
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nation's longest-running radio program for family caregivers, Hope for the Caregiver.
HopeForTheCaregiver.com caregiver.substack.com
Caregivers often hear confident spiritual claims in the middle of real suffering. "The Lord told me" can sound comforting, but it raises a serious question. Who is actually speaking for God?
In this episode, Peter Rosenberger walks through 1 John 4:1 and explains why Scripture commands us to test every spirit. He addresses common phrases that sound spiritual but lack biblical authority, shows how conscience can be wrongly bound by human opinion, and points back to the sufficiency of God's Word.
With practical clarity and pastoral conviction, this episode helps caregivers think clearly, stand firmly, and find a true foundation when everything around them feels uncertain.
Award-winning composer, conductor, and Christian music icon Dick Tunney joins Peter Rosenberger to share his journey from the concert stage to the chemo room, as his wife battles cancer. A powerful conversation on caregiving, loss of control, and discovering real hope when faith is no longer theoretical.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I sit down with author and pastor Chris Maxwell (Chris Maxwell) to talk about something our culture desperately lacks—contentment. ( ChrisMaxwell.me )
Chris knows this struggle firsthand. After surviving encephalitis and living with lasting brain damage and epilepsy, he began asking a hard question: Can I be content with the life I have, not the one I thought I'd have?
We talk about:
- Why contentment is not complacency
- The difference between acceptance and agreement
- How our culture feeds discontent and constant striving
- What Scripture actually teaches about peace in the middle of chaos
- Why caregivers, especially, must learn this
At some point, we all have to face this question: Do we really believe what we say we believe—and what does that require of us right now?
If you're waiting for life to calm down before you find peace, this conversation may challenge that.
Because contentment isn't found when things get better. It's discovered when we trust God in the middle of what is.
I sat down with Shannon Bream FOX News Sunday anchor, chief legal correspondent and author of Nothing is Impossible with God.
We talked about her new book and the deeper realities behind it.
We discuss caregiving, grief, and what it means to trust God in seasons that don't resolve the way we hoped. Shannon shares about her husband's health challenges, her own battle with chronic pain, and the recent loss of her stepfather after a long caregiving journey in her family.
We also explore the strength found in Scripture, including the assurance that Christ intercedes for us and the ways faith matures through hardship.
If you're walking through a difficult season, I hope this conversation strengthens and steadies you.
As a caregiver, I know how easy it is to carry more than just today. We carry the future, the what-ifs, the fear, the things that have not even happened yet. But I have learned something the hard way. You cannot live in the wreckage of your future.
Out here in Montana, I have been talking with ranchers who do not spend their time worrying about what might happen months from now. They do the work in front of them today. That perspective has shaped me more than I expected.
As we move toward Easter, I have been wrestling with a deeper question. If past behavior predicts future performance, what hope do we really have? Scripture does not point me to trying harder. It points me to something altogether different, an interruption of that pattern through the resurrection.
So for those of us walking through long and difficult seasons of caregiving, this is not about having answers for everything that is coming. It is about doing what is in front of us today, trusting God with what has not arrived yet, and remembering that life does not wait for perfect conditions to begin again.
Caregiving has a way of attracting criticism—especially from people who aren't helping.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I talk about how to handle criticism as a caregiver without getting pulled into unnecessary conflict or losing your peace. After more than four decades in this role, I've learned a simple but powerful response: "Give me solutions." It shifts the conversation away from opinions and puts responsibility back where it belongs.
I also reflect on the cultural reaction to Chuck Norris and why those jokes resonated. They pointed to something deeper—a longing for clarity, strength, and conviction in a culture that often feels confused about all three.
Finally, I share practical caregiver advice for dealing with doctors and medical professionals, including what I call the "Three P's": be polite, be prepared, and be mindful of your role in clinical decisions. These simple principles can help you advocate effectively without creating unnecessary friction.
If you're a family caregiver dealing with criticism, stress, or difficult medical conversations, this episode will help you think more clearly, respond more calmly, and stay grounded in what really matters.
Caregiving rarely unfolds in neat, predictable lines. Most days, it feels like what the military calls a tactically complex environment—where outcomes are uncertain and decisions have to be made without complete information.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I talk about what it means to live and serve in that kind of uncertainty. I heard that phrase during a recent military briefing, and it stuck with me because it so clearly describes the life we live as caregivers.
When I can't control outcomes, I come back to something else: clarity of mission.
I also share a personal update about my own health and what I've been walking through recently. It's a reminder to me—and maybe to you—that caregivers have to steward their own health as well. Early detection matters. Showing up for your own care matters.
In this episode, I walk through:
- Why we as caregivers often have to act without certainty
- The difference between chasing answers and staying grounded in purpose
- What my recent health situation has taught me
- Why hospital rooms and clinic visits are not interruptions to life, but the place where life is actually lived
- How the Apostles' Creed anchors me when I don't have answers
- And the story behind "Sweet Hour of Prayer," and why I've come to see prayer not as a duty, but as a place
When life feels uncertain, I've learned to stop asking, "What's going to happen?" And start asking, "What is my mission right now?"
Family caregivers often face a simple question that isn't simple at all: "How are you doing?"
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger explains why caregivers need healthy emotional boundaries and why not every question deserves a full answer.
Drawing from four decades as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, Peter shares practical wisdom about "stock answers," knowing who has earned the right to hear the deeper story, and why oversharing can leave caregivers emotionally depleted.
From ranch life in Montana to lessons from caring for horses during winter, Peter illustrates a powerful spiritual truth: sometimes people appear to be feeding on something that looks nourishing but provides little real sustenance. The same can happen in churches and in our spiritual lives.
Caregivers must learn to guard their hearts, choose wisely who has access to their pain, and anchor themselves in the enduring truth of Scripture.
If you're carrying the long burden of caring for someone you love, this episode offers perspective, humor, and encouragement for the journey.
Most caregivers never planned to become one.
There's no orientation, no certification, and no moment when someone hands you a badge and says, "You're in charge now." One day you simply find yourself in a hospital room, a clinic hallway, or a recovery ward trying to understand what comes next.
In this episode, I talk about what I call caregiver authority. Medical professionals understand the disease. But caregivers understand the person living with it. That responsibility often means speaking up when our loved one cannot, asking questions when something doesn't seem right, and navigating the difficult balance between advocacy and dignity.
After four decades caring for my wife Gracie through surgeries, hospitalizations, and medical crises, I've learned that caregiver authority isn't about control. It's about faithful presence.
I also talk about something I call "aggressive assurance"—the steady confidence that Christ sustains us even in long, relentless suffering. When caregiving stretches into years or decades, faith stops being theoretical. It becomes the only place sturdy enough to stand.
If you're a caregiver, this episode is for you.
While hosting Truth Talk Live, I asked listeners a simple question: What do you pray for when life becomes difficult?
Do we only pray for the problem to disappear, or does prayer shape how we walk through hardship while it's still happening?
Drawing from Scripture, caregiving, and a powerful call from a listener caring for his sick wife, this episode explores what it means to wait on God without putting life on hold.
In this opening segment of Hope for the Caregiver, I take us to Matthew 9:9, where Jesus calls Matthew from his tax booth with two simple words: Follow me.
Matthew didn't leave a side job. He walked away from wealth, security, and the only system he had ever known. And unlike the fishermen who could return to their boats, Matthew had no way back. The moment he stood up, his old life was over.
I explore the historical reality behind that moment and why Matthew's decision mattered so deeply, then I turn the lens toward us as caregivers.
Because when a diagnosis comes, when an accident reshapes a family, when surgeries multiply and life changes permanently, something quietly closes behind us too. Caregivers don't return to life before the hospital room. There's no leave of absence from love. No tax booth waiting if we decide this is too hard.
Caregiving often feels like having the ships burned behind us. We didn't fully choose the road, and we rarely know what lies ahead. But like Matthew, we are called not into clarity, but into obedience.
In this episode, I talk about what it means to move forward when there is no going back, and how caregivers can discover purpose, faithfulness, and the presence of Christ in places we never expected to walk.
In this episode, I'm sharing a recent conversation I had on Truth Talk Live about adoption, special needs parenting, caregiving, and living out Christian faith when life becomes difficult.
My guest, pastor and author Andrew Hopper, joins me to discuss the theology of adoption and what happens when faith moves beyond the pulpit and into the daily realities of family life. We talk honestly about raising a child with special needs, the strain and growth that come through long-term caregiving, and how suffering shapes both marriages and children in ways most people never anticipate.
As a caregiver for more than four decades, these issues are deeply personal to me. Caregiving, chronic illness, and disability force us to wrestle with what we truly believe about God, suffering, and hope. Together, we explore whether today's churches are equipped to support families facing lifelong challenges rather than temporary crises, and why the Gospel must speak clearly into sustained hardship.
If you are caring for a loved one, navigating disability or chronic illness, supporting a special needs family member, or seeking encouragement as a Christian caregiver, this conversation offers practical insight and biblical perspective grounded in real experience.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
Andrew Hopper Ministries |
Get Andrew's book: https://a.co/d/06JInWRA
On this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I talk about something that has taken me forty years to learn: I'm not chasing happiness anymore. I'm chasing healthiness.
Happiness depends on what's happening. Good lab report? I'm happy. Insurance approves something without a fight? That's practically a revival service. But caregiving doesn't offer steady circumstances. If my stability depends on things going well, I won't last long.
Joy is different. Joy is anchored. Joy rests in the unchanging character of God. I can be sorrowful and still rejoicing. I can sit in a hospital room and still be steady.
I share a real-life conversation with a mother struggling with her alcoholic son and explain how asking one simple question — "Is this healthy?" — can bring clarity when "right or wrong" only creates confusion.
I also talk about physical health, financial health, and spiritual health. I say it often because I have to hear it myself: I'm no good to Gracie if I'm fat, broke, and miserable. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
And I close with one of my father's favorite hymns, Lead On, O King Eternal — a reminder that caregiving is not about swords loud clashing, but about deeds of love and mercy.
If you're weary, discouraged, or just tired of trying to feel better in a life that may not improve, this episode is for you. You may not feel happy, but you can be healthier.
And you can be anchored.
In this special Valentine's Day episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I share what it means to carry love when the person you cherish can no longer carry it back in the same way. I talk about relaunching our local caregiver support group after a long pause, about sitting alone in an empty room before anyone showed up, and why caregivers need a place where they are understood. I reflect on decorating Gracie's hospital bed through one holiday after another, and why sometimes it's okay to buy your own Valentine's card as a tribute to a love that is still very real. I also address the shallow theology that collapses under the weight of suffering and remind fellow caregivers that our hope must be anchored in Scripture, not sentiment. I close by singing "I Will Sing of My Redeemer," because even when our hearts are breaking, we can still sing — and that song carries us.
I've spent much of my life in hospitals and ICUs, standing beside suffering that doesn't resolve and prayers that don't wrap up neatly. After a while, explanations stop helping.
In this episode, I reflect on what has steadied me as a caregiver when nothing can be fixed. I talk about walking into yet another surgery knowing exactly how hard it will be, about learning what real comfort sounds like when fear is louder than reason, and about why old hymns and familiar Scripture matter more than new words in those moments.
This is not about solutions or spiritual shortcuts. It's a reflection from the long middle, for caregivers who have learned that hope doesn't always arrive with answers, but it does arrive with company.
In today's episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I begin with a reality caregivers understand instinctively: disruption rarely announces itself, and caregivers are often the ones who absorb the impact first. From ice storms devastating the Southeast to wildfire threats here in Montana, I reflect on how quickly normal life can unravel. For caregivers living close to the edge, preparation is not fear-driven living. It is stewardship. When power fails, routines collapse, and recovery stretches on far longer than expected, caregivers are often the ones holding everything together.
From there, I turn to a sobering cultural moment: the coordinated disruption of a church service in Minneapolis. This was not spontaneous protest or isolated behavior. It involved planning, agreement, and coordinated action, and that distinction matters. When sacred spaces are deliberately disrupted, we are no longer debating policy. We are testing whether restraint still exists and whether consequences still matter. Silence in moments like this is not neutrality. It is assent.
I then connect this moment to what caregivers already know through lived experience. Families navigating addiction, mental illness, and chronic volatility understand how quickly situations can escalate when emotions are raw and trust is thin. Caregivers survive by learning vigilance, establishing boundaries, and refusing to respond with panic or bravado. Scripture does not train us for theatrics. It trains us for endurance, clarity, and steadiness shaped by truth.
In the final segment, I introduce our hymn of the week, "The Joy of the Lord," drawn from Nehemiah 8, and share a brief excerpt from a recording close to my heart. Biblical joy is not denial or emotional escape. It is strength rooted in the presence of God, especially when lives feel shaken and must be rebuilt from the rubble. I invite listeners to hear the full song on Spotify and other streaming platforms and to let it minister beyond this program.
This episode is about preparedness without panic, vigilance without fear, and the kind of calm that is possible not because the threats are small, but because God is not. For caregivers, and for the church, endurance still matters. Truth still steadies. Hope remains.
Caregiving often begins with sincere promises made in healthier days. As circumstances change and needs increase, many of us discover that love alone does not equal capacity. Fear, obligation, and guilt can cloud judgment, leaving caregivers overwhelmed and unsure how to make wise, sustainable decisions.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I explore what happens when caregiving decisions are driven by emotion rather than honest assessment. I explain why difficult family conversations must move from sentiment to stewardship, and why clarity often begins with unglamorous realities that reveal what can actually be sustained.
I also examine why meaningful change must happen at a pace the body and soul can endure. Drawing from decades of caregiving experience and lessons from the world of prosthetics, I reflect on the danger of forcing alignment too quickly. Whether in bodies, families, leadership, or faith, change imposed at an unsustainable speed often collapses, while patient, deliberate steps lead to progress that lasts.
These themes run directly through my caregiving journey with my wife, Gracie. Her recent physical realignment through new prosthetics has been remarkable and painful, underscoring a hard truth caregivers know well: restoration is real, but it cannot be rushed. Alignment requires discipline, wisdom, and time.
The program concludes with a reflection on the hymn Be Still, My Soul. Stillness, I explain, is not passivity, but learning where to place weight when life does not improve. This episode is not about quick fixes. It's about caregiving endurance, sustainable change, and learning how to remain upright when life has been bent for a long time.
In this episode of Truth Talk Live, I reflect on the recent disruption of a Sunday worship service in Minneapolis and ask a question that can't be answered by politics, outrage, or security plans alone: What happens to our faith when the world barges into sacred space, and are we actually prepared for that moment?
As churches face increasing hostility, the conversation often turns quickly to fear, anger, or strategy. I wanted to slow that down and look instead at spiritual readiness. Drawing from Scripture, historic hymns, and decades of lived experience walking through suffering, I explore what it means to be vigilant without becoming hardened, prepared without becoming fearful, and faithful without becoming reactive.
Listeners call in with passages from Romans, Hebrews, Luke, the Psalms, and Paul's letters, all pointing to the same unshakable truth: God's people have never been promised freedom from opposition, but we have been promised a Kingdom that cannot be shaken. The real question is whether we are grounding ourselves deeply enough in God's Word for it to come out of us when pressure hits.
I close the program by returning to the hymn How Firm a Foundation, particularly the line, "The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose." Repose is not escape or passivity. It is settled trust. It is the rest that comes when something stronger is carrying the load.
When worship is disrupted, faith is mocked, and fear presses in, the issue is not whether the church can hold its ground, but whether we know where to stand. Long before crisis arrives, each of us must answer a simple, searching question:
What do I believe, and where am I placing my weight?
There's More at HOPEFORTHECAREGIVER.com
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I sit down with Lindsay Funches, a mother who has spent nearly two decades navigating life with a medically complex child. Her son, Steele, was born during a military deployment and later diagnosed with Crouzon syndrome, a rare craniofacial condition that has required dozens of surgeries, long hospital stays, and constant vigilance.
We talk about what it's like to push back when doctors don't listen, to raise siblings alongside illness, and to keep a marriage and faith steady through
deployments, uncertainty, and exhaustion. Lindsay reflects on learning when to advocate, when to wait, and how a life shaped by caregiving can deepen joy rather than erase it.
This conversation moves through real moments: kitchen-table decisions, ICU nights, humor in hospital rooms, and the slow realization that "normal" may never return, but meaning still can. It's a candid discussion about caregiving, special needs parenting, military family life, and the faith that sustains people when answers don't come easily.
READ LINDSAY'S ARTICLE
I sat down with Ken and Mary Sue Grein knowing their story would be heavy. I didn't expect it to steady me the way it did.
They were just 22 years old when their son Jacob was born with severe medical complications. Within days, doctors told them he wouldn't live long and encouraged them to let him die. Ken and Mary Sue refused. They chose life, even though no one could tell them what that life would require.
Jacob lived 37 years. (READ HIS STORY HERE)
In our conversation, they speak candidly about what those decades held: long hospital stays, countless surgeries, daily caregiving, isolation, anger, and exhaustion. They don't sanitize any of it. But they also don't frame Jacob's life as a tragedy. What comes through instead is clarity, gratitude, and a hard-won conviction that a difficult life does not have to be a bad one.
They talk about how caregiving reshaped their marriage, formed their other children, and rewired their own hearts. Disability didn't fracture their family. It refined it. Their children grew up compassionate, responsible, and unafraid of suffering. Jacob himself, despite profound limitations, lived with joy, affection, and gratitude, fully present in the life of his family.
As a longtime caregiver myself, much of what they shared felt familiar: the loneliness, the way support fades, the daily choice between bitterness and gratitude. But what stayed with me most was their quiet insistence that every life is worth living, even when it arrives wrapped in fear, limitation, and unanswered questions.
This is not a conversation about pretending suffering is good. It's about refusing to let suffering be the final word. Ken and Mary Sue didn't just care for their son. They learned how to live faithfully in the middle of what could not be fixed, and that is a lesson every caregiver needs.
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Caregiving's Hard. Don't Do Alone! Get the New Book: A Caregiver's Companion - Scriptures, Hymns, and Forty Years of Insights for Life's Toughest Role
There's a particular look that crosses someone's face when they realize they've just been understood.
I've seen it on a bus driver from Kenya after I spoke a few words of Swahili. I've seen it on a CNA from Ghana caring for my wife in a hospital room. I watched a hospital housekeeper from Haiti light up when I spoke a few words in French to her.
And I've seen it countless times on caregivers who quietly say, "You just said what I've been feeling."
The response is almost always the same:
How do you know my language?
Caregivers live in a kind of isolation that's hard to describe. It isn't only physical exhaustion, emotional strain, or long-term uncertainty. It's deeper than that. Many of us are surrounded by people who care, who want to help, who offer words—but those words don't quite land. Not because they're cruel, but because they're untranslated.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I reflect on what it means to speak the "language of the heart." While I learned a few words in several language, I speak "Fluent Caregiver" - and am committed to speaking the language of the caregiver's heart to as many as I can.
I also discuss why music reaches us so powerfully, and why some voices connect immediately while others never quite do. I also look at what Christmas tells us about this kind of connection, and why the name Emmanuel isn't a seasonal phrase, but a profound reality.
This episode moves through stories, music, suffering, compassion, and the gospel itself. It's about caregivers, yes—but also about anyone who has ever wondered what to say, or felt unseen because no one knew how to say it.
If you're carrying something heavy this season, I hope you'll listen.
After listening If you're walking with someone through addiction, disability, illness, or long-term suffering, you may feel pressure to say the right thing. This episode isn't about perfect words. It's about presence.
Sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is simply stay, listen, and speak with the same compassion we ourselves have received.
A resource for caregivers who need language If this episode resonated, you may find help in my book, A Caregiver's Companion.
It grew out of the same conviction behind today's program: caregivers don't just need encouragement. We need words that speak honestly to what we're carrying.
The book brings together Scripture, hymns, and lived experience from decades of caregiving, written to sit beside you rather than talk at you.
You can find it here: 👉 https://a.co/d/1l8nZfF
Caregiving is relentless. The needs don't pause, the stress doesn't politely wait, and the temptation to put ourselves last feels almost virtuous. But in this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I push back on a lie many of us live with: that our health is expendable.
Joined by my longtime friend and health coach D,ale Richardson we talk candidly about weight, stress eating, and the quiet ways caregivers drift into unhealthy patterns, especially during the holidays. This isn't about shame, gimmicks, or willpower. It's about intentionality.
I share my own journey, losing weight, gaining it back during months in the hospital with Gracie, and then recommitting again, not out of vanity, but out of necessity. I'm no good to my wife if I'm fat, broken, and miserable. That hard truth drives everything.
Dale helps reframe food not as comfort, reward, or failure, but as fuel. Emotional eating isn't a moral flaw. It's often a stress response. The question isn't "Why am I weak?" but "What am I carrying?" Caregivers already know the answer.
We talk about simple, sustainable choices: • Eating with a plan, especially at holidays • Understanding portions without demonizing food • Why "starting over Monday" keeps us stuck • The value of accountability that doesn't condemn • Staying active in real life, not just gyms and step counters
We also explore why community matters. Lone-ranger caregiving is dangerous. Having someone who understands the weight you carry, and walks with you toward healthier choices, can change everything.
You don't accidentally get healthy. But with intention, support, and grace, you can move toward strength, not just for yourself, but for those who depend on you.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. Your future self, and your loved one, will thank you.
The 2026 Caregiver Calendar is now available! Click for more information!
Alzheimer's often reveals itself around the holiday table, when families see one another more closely than usual. My guest this week, author and longtime caregiver Carol Steinberg, knows that experience well. Her father was diagnosed decades ago, long before the disease was widely understood, and the journey reshaped her life. She eventually helped lead one of the largest Alzheimer's organizations in the country and continues to write for Voices of Alzheimer's, staying close to the families living with this disease every day.
We talked about what gives her hope now. More people are being diagnosed earlier. New treatments can slow the progression for some. Communities are offering more practical support, and families are learning how to build what Carol calls "bunkers," healthy habits and safeguards that strengthen the whole household.
One of the most meaningful parts of our conversation was how Alzheimer's affects children and grandchildren. Carol regrets that she sometimes pulled her own daughters back from their grandfather. Her new children's book, Come Grandpa Meow, Let's Fly, helps families give kids the language and confidence to stay connected rather than afraid. She offers simple ideas that help children engage in small, steady ways, which can lift the spirits of everyone involved.
Caregivers often lose independence, connection, and identity. Children lose clarity when they are pushed to the sidelines. Carol and I both believe the better path is to walk toward one another, even when the road is rough. There is sorrow in Alzheimer's, but there is also purpose, comfort, and moments of unexpected grace when families choose connection instead of retreat.
If you have a loved one with Alzheimer's, or if you wonder how to explain the changes to your children or grandchildren, I think this conversation will encourage you. There is life beyond the diagnosis, and there is a way to face it together.
I opened the show with Balaam, the original for-profit prophet. He was not the last one. We still have plenty today with nice suits, studio lighting, and partner plans "…if you act now!"
Balaam took the job, hopped on his donkey, and headed out. God blocked the road. The donkey saw it. Balaam did not. After a few detours and a smashed foot, the donkey finally spoke. And instead of freezing or questioning reality, Balaam argued with her as if this was completely normal.
That part always gets me. Did animals talk a lot back then?
I live around horses and cattle here in Montana. If one of them said, "Peter, we need to talk," I would like to think I would pause and reconsider a few things. Balaam did not. He snapped right back at the donkey and missed the angel standing in the road.
And thinking about it, as a caregiver, do I often do the same thing? I get locked in on what I am trying to do … and miss the very thing God may be using to protect me. Sometimes the obstacle is not the problem. It is the rescue.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I share three ordinary moments from life in our Montana cabin that turned into extraordinary lessons for caregivers.
First, I finally leveled our refrigerator—a small victory that reminded me how good it feels to make one crooked thing straight in a world that leans. Then I talk about a tough situation a friend faced with her aging father, and what it really means to honor our parents when impairment or sin clouds their judgment. Using the story of Noah and his sons, I call it "walking backward with a blanket"—protecting dignity even when it's painful.
Finally, as I cleaned the big new windows in our addition for Gracie, I saw a picture of how resentment, fear, and fatigue can cloud our hearts—and how only Christ can wash us clean. The episode ends at the caregiver keyboard with one of my favorite hymns, Fairest Lord Jesus, and a reminder that He truly makes the woeful heart to sing.
Out here at our home in Montana, I had one of those nights that turned into a sermon I didn't plan to preach. A young calf had wedged himself tight in a fence — and if I hadn't gone back to check the mineral bucket, he'd have been mountain lion food by morning. I cut the chain loose, he bolted off without so much as a "thank you," and I stood there on that hillside grinning like a fool, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.
It had nothing to do with caregiving — and that's exactly the point. Every caregiver needs something that lifts the soul, something that reminds us we're still alive, not just functioning. For me, it was freeing a calf. For you, it might be painting, gardening, music, or a quiet moment with a puzzle. These aren't hobbies — they're oxygen for the spirit.
I wrapped the show with Gracie's favorite hymn, This Is the Day That the Lord Has Made. We've sung it in hospital rooms and now here at home with the mountains out our window. It's not a children's song to us — it's a statement of faith when the day looks hard.
Zephaniah wrote, "The Lord your God is in your midst… He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." That's the kind of God we serve — one who doesn't just command us to rejoice, but actually rejoices over us.
So that's my message this week: find your thing. Give yourself permission to breathe, to laugh, to live. Because the God who called you into this life is already singing over you.
Each week on Hope for the Caregiver, I take listeners into the heart of what sustains us when life's weight feels too heavy. This week, I shared why our deepest comfort as caregivers doesn't come from rest, money, or even help—it comes from knowing we are not our own, but belong body and soul to our faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
From the Heidelberg Catechism to the story behind the hymn Have Thine Own Way, Lord, I explored what it means to surrender our weariness to the One who shapes and reshapes us like clay in the hands of a potter. Caregiving forces us to face what we can't fix—but it also invites us to trust the One who holds every broken piece.
I also shared about our new addition at home—Built for Grace—and the moment Gracie saw her new accessible space for the first time. It reminded me that love doesn't cling to what used to be; it builds again with what remains. "Love that endures learns to build again with what remains." — Wendell Berry
🎧 Listen to this week's episode: Have Thine Own Way, Lord – Hymns Every Caregiver Ought to Know 📘 My new book: A Caregiver's Companion More resources: PeterRosenberger.com Support the ministry: StandingWithHope.com/giving
After 40 years of caring for my wife Gracie — a double amputee who's endured 98 surgeries — I know what it means to retrofit life around disability. For decades, we chased our tails trying to adapt spaces in our Nashville home and later our little Montana cabin. This year, we finally stopped retrofitting and built a space custom-made around us. From wide doorways and a roll-in shower to moving our grand piano into the bedroom so Gracie wouldn't have to leave her bed to make music, every detail was designed to restore her dignity and independence.
When she walked into that new room with her walker and saw it for the first time, her eyes were wide. Later that night, with firelight flickering across the walls, I sat at the piano and played Great Is Thy Faithfulness. Gracie sang — filling the room with music. In that moment, I thought of Christ's words, "I go to prepare a place for you," and the joy of preparing a place for someone you love. I also share the powerful story behind This Is My Father's World — and how its message strengthens weary family caregivers like me to remember that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. What does it look like for you to prepare a place — physically or emotionally — for someone you love?
In this powerful episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares a deeply personal story from Aurora, Colorado — a chance encounter with a frightened young woman that turned into a moment of grace and truth. Instead of debating or preaching, Peter reminded her of a truth many caregivers and wounded souls need to hear: "You are worth protecting." Drawing from Hebrews 7:25, he reflects on Christ's ongoing intercession for us and calls listeners to join Him by offering compassion to those who are hurting — even when their pain looks different from our owntranscript_2025-10-14T16_37_22.….
Peter is then joined by psychologist and fellow caregiver Dr. Barry Jacobs, author of The Caregiver Answer Book. Together they unpack the emotional weight of caregiving — deferred grief, family conflict, sibling rivalries, and the burnout that comes when caregivers try to "muscle through." Jacobs urges caregivers to acknowledge their grief, be kind to themselves, and even reclaim joy, reminding them there's no such thing as a perfect caregiver — only "good enough" ones who show up with lovetranscript_2025-10-14T16_37_22.…transcript_2025-10-14T16_37_22.….
Peter also shares updates from Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach in Ghana, marking 20 years of service to the wounded. And at the caregiver keyboard, he performs "His Eye Is on the Sparrow," reflecting on its origins and why this timeless song continues to comfort weary hearts. It's not a performance piece, he says — it's a song "sung in the watches of the night" when despair looms, a reminder that God sees, knows, and watches over ustranscript_2025-10-14T16_37_22.….
Whether you're deep in the trenches of caregiving or just beginning the journey, this episode offers biblical hope, practical wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement to help you stay strong — body, mind, and soul.
Order A CAREGIVER'S COMPANION TODAY!
If you’ve ever wondered how to hang on—much less laugh—while caring for someone you love, this episode of Hope for the Caregiver is for you.
I recently joined Dr. Jessica Peck, known to her listeners as Dr. Nurse Mama on American Family Radio, for a conversation about faith, humor, and the realities of caregiving. We talked about my new book, A Caregiver’s Companion: Scriptures, Hymns, and 40 Years of Insights for Life’s Toughest Role, and the lessons Gracie and I have learned through her 98 surgeries, chronic pain, and the daily challenges that come with four decades of caregiving.
You’ll hear how I’ve found strength in Scripture, laughter in the hardest places, and peace in trusting God when nothing makes sense. We discussed what it means to be healthy while caring for someone who isn’t—and why I believe healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
I also shared one of the most powerful moments of my life: Gracie singing “In My Life, Lord, Be Glorified” while nurses worked on her open leg wound—and later, singing hymns with Joni Eareckson Tada over FaceTime. Those moments reveal what the world can’t understand but what believers know deeply: even in the ICU, there is hope.
I close the program at the Caregiver Keyboard with one of my favorite hymns, “Near to the Heart of God,” and the story behind its writing—a reminder that even in sorrow, there is a place of quiet rest near to His heart.
If you’re a caregiver—or love someone who is—I invite you to listen, share, and visit HopefortheCaregiver.com for more resources, music, and encouragement.
In my regular guest-host slot on Truth Talk Live (Truth Network), I opened with a friend’s dilemma: If people living through the events described in Revelation see beasts, plagues, and cosmic signs with their own eyes, doesn’t that give them an advantage over those who died without seeing such proof? Isn’t that unfair—almost as if some are lost on a technicality?
That question pulled us into Romans 1, where Paul says God’s attributes are “clearly seen,” and into Jesus’ rebuke of crowds who demanded signs even after seas had split and manna had fallen. The pattern was plain: evidence never settled the question. Trust did.
I’ve heard the same struggle in hospital corridors, casually dispensed over a loved one’s bed: “If you had more faith, you’d be healed.” It sounds spiritual in the moment, but when suffering leans on those words, they crumble.
And I saw something different but just as hollow on late-night television, when Jimmy Kimmel, tearful after his suspension, said he follows the “teachings of Jesus.” Which teachings? The one where He said, “Before Abraham was, I am”? The one where He said, “No one comes to the Father except through Me”? Or the one where He said, “Take up your cross and follow Me”? Noble words, but casual references to Jesus without the weight of His actual words leave us splashing in the kiddie pool, calling it swimming.
These moments — Revelation’s visions, hospital corridors, late-night tears — all press the same core issue: do we trust God, or are we still demanding that He prove Himself on our terms?
On this week’s Hope for the Caregiver radio show and podcast, I shared why healthy caregivers make better caregivers—and how small daily choices shape our future. From rest and prayer to forgiveness and boundaries, each decision helps caregivers reduce stress, avoid resentment, and stay strong for the long journey.
Check out my friend Dale’s page that I referenced in the first block.
https://richerhealthforyou.com/
I also spoke with Carolyn Wheeler O’Byrne, founder of Daisy’s Place in Florence, Alabama, a nonprofit offering safe housing, meals, and support for families caring for loved ones in the hospital. Born out of her own experience sleeping in a hospital parking lot, Carolyn now provides caregivers with a refuge of rest and community rooted in Christian faith.
At the Caregiver Keyboard, I featured the beloved hymn Open My Eyes That I May See, reminding us that even in exhaustion, God opens our eyes to His truth and peace.
➡️ Listen to the full interview, hear the hymn performance, and explore more resources for family caregivers at HopeForTheCaregiver.com and caregiver.substack.com.
When Caregiving Means Sleeping in a Van: The Story Behind Daisy’s Place
On this week’s Hope for the Caregiver, I spoke with Carolyn Wheeler O’Byrne from Florence, Alabama—a mother whose fierce advocacy for her 17-month-old daughter, Daisy, turned into a decades-long mission.
Carolyn recounted the terrifying season when Daisy was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, endured failed procedures, experimental treatments that nearly killed her, and infections that pushed her to the brink. Through nights spent in hospital windowsills and even a van in the Vanderbilt parking lot, Carolyn fought for her child’s life with grit and faith.
Now, twenty years later, Daisy is thriving—and Carolyn has transformed her pain into purpose by founding Daisy’s Place, a nonprofit home that provides weary caregivers with food, showers, clean clothes, and, above all, dignity. Instead of parking lot vans, families now find refuge in fully furnished bedrooms, stocked kitchens, and the compassionate presence of someone who truly understands.
This episode is a reminder that caregivers are not alone, that faith sustains when resources collapse, and that one woman’s determination can ripple out to bless countless others.
👉 Listen now and learn more about Daisy’s Place at daisys-place.org
This week on Hope for the Caregiver, I opened the program by discussing my new Blaze Media article, Reckless Hate Cannot Win: Christ Has Already Broken It. The piece grew out of the grief and reflection surrounding Charlie Kirk’s sudden death. Dana Perino’s emotional appeal on Fox for a “circuit breaker” to the fury in our culture resonated deeply with me—but I reminded listeners that no human breaker exists. History shows reform, politics, and revolutions can only reset the current for a time. The real interruption came at the cross, where Christ absorbed the full voltage of human hatred and divine justice.
I drew on Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, where Aragorn responds to Theoden’s dread of “reckless hate” with the charge, “Ride out and meet them.” Charlie Kirk did that in his generation, but even more so, Christ rode out from heaven to confront and conquer hate forever. Luther echoed this courage with “Here I stand, I can do no other.” The hymn he gave the church, A Mighty Fortress, still proclaims: “The body they may kill, God’s truth abideth still.” That’s where I called caregivers—and myself—to stand, not with bravado but with scars, anchored in Christ who rewires the entire system. Hate cannot win.
From there, I introduced my audience to Carolyn Wheeler O’Byrne and her remarkable journey with her daughter, Daisy. Her story of motherly intuition, pushing past dismissive doctors, surviving terrifying nights in hospitals, and even sleeping in a van outside Vanderbilt, is a vivid picture of caregiver authority and sacrifice. Carolyn’s testimony reminded us of the courage every caregiver must summon, often in the most isolating and exhausting circumstances.
We closed with this week’s hymn in our series, Hymns Every Caregiver Ought to Know: “Blest Be the Tie That Binds.” Written by John Fawcett in the 1700s after he chose to stay with a small country parish rather than leave for a prestigious London pulpit, the hymn captures the communion of saints—the bond of love that unites us in Christ. As caregivers, we are not laboring unseen or alone. We are part of that great invisible church, surrounded by a cloud of witnesses who cheer us on like fans welcoming home a walk-off home run.
That tie binds us, sustains us, and reminds us: healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
Click Here to Get the new book - Today
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I open with the story of a 1950s chemist who failed 39 times before discovering something simple yet world-changing. His quiet persistence became a picture of what caregivers need when our hearts feel rusted and stuck. We can’t muscle our way through this life; we need grace that loosens what strain has tightened.
That theme of letting go of force carries through the whole show. I share a personal story from the 2004 Republican National Convention, when Gracie sang at Madison Square Garden and the White House unexpectedly asked us to stay for President Bush’s speech. While I was panicked and trying to control everything, my father told me, “Sit down and be still.” It became a defining moment—reminding me how often our Heavenly Father speaks the same words into our chaos.
I also reflect on my recent Blaze Media article, “School Shootings and the Street Called Straight,” exploring how Paul faced the full measure of suffering ahead of him and still pressed on. That same Spirit sustains us when the caregiving road looks dark and unending.
Then I share part of my conversation with DJ and Jessica Rowland, a couple navigating Huntington’s disease. Their love, resilience, and commitment to live fully—despite grief and fear—show how loosening our grip can make space for grace.
I close at the Caregiver Keyboard with a hymn every caregiver should know: “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” Written by Helen Lemmel at age 55, this hymn calls us to lift our gaze from what we can’t fix and rest it on the One who carries us.
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I sat down with Dr. Barry Jacobs—a clinical psychologist, family therapist, and fellow caregiver whose story began when his father was diagnosed with brain cancer. Out of that crucible, he has spent nearly four decades helping families navigate the emotional and practical challenges of caregiving.
We talked about the unspoken grief many caregivers carry, why sadness is not a weakness but a source of strength, and how family conflict often masks deeper sorrow. Dr. Jacobs shared powerful metaphors—the “half loaf” of life after disability, the cards we’re dealt and how we play them—and offered wisdom drawn from both his clinical practice and his own scars.
Together, we explored what it means to “respect the trauma,” why caregivers must give themselves permission for joy, and how purpose can grow even out of devastating loss. Along the way, I shared Gracie’s clarity after her 98th surgery—her determination to live, sing, see her grandchildren, and return to Africa to serve other amputees.
Dr. Jacobs also introduced his newest work, The Caregiver Answer Book (AARP/Guilford Press), which offers nearly 150 concise responses to the questions caregivers most often ask. It’s a practical, compassionate resource that belongs in every caregiver’s hands.
As Dr. Jacobs reminded us: “There are no perfect caregivers—only good enough caregivers.” That’s encouragement every one of us needs.
👉 Listen now, share with a friend who’s struggling, and check out The Caregiver Answer Book wherever books are sold.
Caregiving often hides what I call smoldering rage—resentment that simmers quietly until a fresh crisis ignites it like a wildfire. In this week’s Hope for the Caregiver radio show, I open with a monologue about those hidden embers, drawing from Montana’s fire season to show how caregivers can confront resentment and apply God’s grace before it consumes us.
The program closes with a hymn every caregiver needs: “Be Still, My Soul.” Gracie’s a cappella performance of this timeless hymn reminds us that God’s faithfulness steadies us when caregiving feels unbearable and that the daily grind of service is, in fact, holy work.
This episode also features excerpts from my conversation with author and fellow caregiver Jess Ronne, whose story of loss, resilience, and faith offers a powerful reminder that we’re not alone in this journey.
👉 Listen to the full interview with Jess Ronne on the podcast 👉 Read and hear the full interview on Substack
Caregiving has pushed me to the point where I’ve had to ask what I really believe when life gets overwhelming. In this episode, I talk about those moments of faith under fire and share clips from my conversation with author Jess Ronne (Caregiving with Grit and Grace). Jess opens up about raising a son with disabilities, losing her husband to brain cancer, and continuing forward as a caregiver. I close with Blessed Assurance at the Caregiver Keyboard, a hymn that reminds me where to stand when everything feels unsteady.
Order the new book today!
Author and caregiver Jess Ronne joins me to share her story and her new book, Caregiving with Grit and Grace. As the mother of a son with profound disabilities and the young wife who walked through her husband’s brain cancer, Jess has lived the struggles many caregivers face but few talk about. Together, we discuss the loneliness of caregiving, special needs parenting, the reality of grief and anger, and the hope that comes through faith in Christ.
This conversation is for anyone navigating the challenges of family caregiving, special needs, or long-term illness — offering encouragement, honesty, and spiritual strength for the journey.
Mike Tyson is famous for saying, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the nose.”
When suffering punches us in the nose, our plans - and clichés - don’t hold. In this episode of Truth Talk Live, I explore why “drive-by ministry” fails and why true comfort begins with seeing people in their pain—just as Christ sees us.
You’ll hear:
- My reflections from the ICU after Gracie’s 98th surgery.
- The danger of empty phrases like “God has a plan” or “just trust Jesus.”
- A listener in tears, struggling to accept God’s forgiveness.
- A reminder from Scripture: not why, but who.
Gracie also sings Breathe on Me, Breath of God a cappella—an anchor of hope in moments when words fail.
If you’ve ever wondered what to say (or not say) when someone is in trauma, this episode points to solid ground in Christ.
ORDER THE NEW BOOK …TODAY!
In this week’s episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I continue my two series: Difficult Issues Caregivers Face but Don’t Want to Talk About and Hymns Every Caregiver Should Know.
I start with a memory of a pastor who once told me, “Peter, you do yourself a disservice—you make this look easier than it is.” He was right. For years I made caregiving look manageable, even while quietly drowning inside. That appearance of strength often kept others from stepping in or even knowing what to say.
Meals and casseroles are thoughtful, but they’re not enough. Caregivers need more than temporary relief—we need sustainable support. Vocational direction, financial guidance, and mentors willing to walk with us can make the difference between barely surviving and building a life that endures.
Scripture reminds us of El Roi, the God who sees. Just as He saw Hagar, Zacchaeus, and the multitudes, He also sees caregivers who mask their exhaustion. And if God sees, the church must learn to see too—not just the obvious needs, but the hidden cracks in a caregiver’s life.
I share about Gracie’s 98 surgeries, including a recent five-month stretch in the hospital, and how impossible it has been to plan a “normal” career or even a five-week calendar. Caregiving has reshaped everything in my life, and for too long I didn’t have people asking the deeper questions about what was sustainable.
Then I take you to the Caregiver Keyboard, where I introduce this week’s hymn. I not only play it, but also show how its harmonies—tension, dissonance, and resolution—mirror the emotional weight caregivers carry. The story behind the hymn ties directly into this theme: before we can encourage or rescue anyone, we first have to see them.
I close by sharing from my new book, A Caregiver’s Companion: Scriptures, Hymns, and 40 Years of Insights for Life’s Toughest Role. I wrote it to give caregivers—and the church—a vocabulary of hope. Because healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
Get this book today!
"I don't expect the President to be a theologian - but I expect theologians to be theologians."
When former President Trump suggested that ending the war in Ukraine might “help him get to heaven,” the headlines exploded—but the church stayed silent. In this episode of Truth Talk Live (I guest-host it weekly), I challenge that silence, point to the cross of Christ, and invite callers to proclaim the gospel out loud. Nothing but the blood of Jesus can save us—nothing else.
This is not about politics. It’s about clarity. If the church won’t speak when the gospel is distorted on the world stage, then what are we even doing?
Click to get the new book today!
In this episode of Truth Talk Live ( I guest-host on Wednesdays), I started with a little laughter, but the conversation quickly turned to the deeper reality of marriage. Drawing from Scripture, from our culture, and from my own 39 years with Gracie, I shared why I believe “weddings cost money, but marriage costs everything.”
Along the way, listeners called in with raw and vulnerable stories. One man opened up about childhood trauma that still weighs heavily on his marriage. Another shared how Christ delivered him from addiction. Others reflected on decades of faithfulness in their own homes. Their honesty gave us all a reminder that marriage isn’t about ease or comfort—it’s about sacrificial love, just as Ephesians 5 commands.
This wasn’t a light episode, but it was a hopeful one. We laughed at the start, we listened to pain in the middle, and we ended with a clear picture of what covenant love really costs—and why it’s worth it.
Read the article at BLAZE MEDIA
https://www.theblaze.com/columns/opinion/weddings-cost-money-marriage-costs-everything
Check out my new book (08/20/2025)!
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I celebrate 39 years of marriage to my wife, Gracie, while reflecting on the roller-coaster journey of nearly 100 surgeries, chronic pain, and a lifetime of caregiving. From dancing with Gracie at Madison Square Garden to hearing her sing hymns in an ICU hallway, I share how beauty and joy can break through even in the hardest places. As part of my Hymn of the Week series, Gracie’s powerful voice brings “Breathe on Me, Breath of God” to life—a reminder that faith, music, and love still carry caregivers through the toughest days.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I sit down with DJ and Jessica Rowland to talk about life with Huntington’s disease—and what it really means to keep living when the diagnosis is grim. Jessica was diagnosed in 2018 after a season of clumsiness, psychological symptoms, and career struggles. DJ, her husband and primary caregiver, balances running a mobile truck repair business with caring for her needs, adapting their home for safety, and bringing her along when he can. Their support network of family and friends has learned to adjust plans so Jessica can be part of them.
We talk about the “incremental grief” of watching someone you love slowly lose abilities, and how they’ve chosen to push back against fear with adventure—riding motorcycles, taking a hot-air balloon ride, and embracing experiences Jessica once avoided. Their motto says it all: “Fear does not stop death. It stops life.” DJ shares the adjustments they’ve made for her mobility, swallowing, and pain, and the way the HD community has become a vital source of encouragement despite the heartache of seeing friends decline.
Faith plays a role, too. Past experiences with their autistic son being unwelcome at church have kept them away for a while, but they hope to join a congregation after moving to a warmer climate. DJ finds comfort in the “Footprints” poem, and I encouraged them to explore the story behind It Is Well with My Soul. We closed with my caregiver song, I Can Only Hold You Now, and a reminder that the goal isn’t simply to avoid death—it’s to live fully with the time we have.
“A Caregiver’s Companion” Release Date 8/20/2025.
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Caregiving can bury you under the weight of obligation—the “I have to, I should, I must” that breeds resentment and exhaustion. I’ve lived there. But over the years, I’ve learned to trade that burden for stewardship—remembering that Gracie belongs to God, not me, and my calling is faithfulness, not fixing.
In this episode, I share how that shift in thinking changes everything—and how one short hymn, Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow, has anchored me in the hardest moments. I tell three stories I’ll never forget:
- Gracie, moments after losing her second leg, singing the Doxology from a gurney.
- A young man in Ghana, raising newly fitted prosthetic hooks to heaven in praise.
- A congregation moved to tears when we slowed down and really listened to the words.
These moments prove it: good theology always leads to doxology. Even in the fog, we can slow down, take the next right step, and praise Him anywhere.
Get this book today!
https://a.co/d/do1lGW2
“I never really quite knew what the definition of love is… I think it comes down to tests like this.” - Jay Leno on Hope for the Caregiver
That matter-of-fact statement from Jay Leno to me on my radio program stayed with me long after the conversation ended.
In a deeply personal and unexpectedly poignant conversation, Jay opened up about caring for his beloved wife, Mavis, whose health challenges have brought him into the caregiving world. Their 45-year marriage—marked by shared laughter, mutual admiration, and now, caregiving—has entered a new chapter, and Jay is showing up daily with humor, humility, and tenderness.
From finding the absurd in shoe shopping to using flashcards of old photos to spark memories, Jay shares the little victories that keep him grounded. “Maybe it’s my imagination,” he said, “but she’s remembering things she didn’t three or four months ago.”
He spoke candidly about what caregiving has taught him about love, sacrifice, and what it means to be a man. This wasn’t late-night monologue material. This was a man facing the hard part of the vow—“for worse”—and decided to stay in the room.
And through it all, he’s still telling jokes, still hitting the road on weekends, and still looking for ways to bring joy to others—whether in a packed auditorium or caring for the woman he loves.
Jay Leno made millions laugh. But in this conversation, he’ll make you think—about love, commitment, and what it means to keep showing up.
PeterRosenberger.com
Available wherever books are sold 08/20/2025
As caregivers, we often pour out until there’s nothing left—but what happens when the one collapsing is the caregiver herself?
My longtime friend Nancy Comish joined me for a brutally honest conversation about her journey through caregiver burnout, medical overload, and physical decline. She was overmedicated, under-rested, and emotionally drowning. Her husband, Craig—who knows his way around a hospital system—raised the alarm. I echoed it later on her front porch. But Nancy made the call. She read the warnings on the prescriptions. She faced what those pills were doing to her. And then she did something most people don’t: she changed.
Nancy’s story isn’t about being rescued. It’s about rescue through resolve. With courage, humor, and a clarity forged in pain, she chose life. She shed nearly 40 pounds, got off 15 medications, and took back her health and her soul.
This is for every caregiver who’s run out of gas and every loved one who doesn’t know what to say. It’s a story of conviction, love, tough truth—and the grace of starting again.
“If you don’t know what to say to a family caregiver, don’t worry about it — I do!”
- Peter Rosenberger
A Caregiver’s Companion- in bookstores 8/20/2025
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I reflect on a powerful moment at home: while a news anchor questioned God’s goodness in the face of tragedy, my wife Gracie—still recovering from her 98th surgery—shouted a truth she learned from our friend Joni Eareckson Tada that’s sustained us for decades:
“He allows what He hates to achieve what He loves.”
We explored how that statement ties into the doctrine of divine concurrence, how caregivers experience fear, guilt, and resentment, and how well-meaning but poor theology—especially in some corners of the church—can make things worse. I asked a pointed question I’ve carried for years: Why do faith healers wear glasses?
We also continued our hymn series with “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty,” focusing on the line: “Ponder anew what the Almighty will do.” That phrase has become more than poetry—it’s a daily touchstone for those of us facing hard realities.
I closed with an update on our prosthetic limb outreach in West Africa, how Gracie’s vision continues to help others walk, and how you can be a part of it.
If you’re weary or uncertain, this episode is a reminder: Ponder anew what the Almighty will do.
RELEASE DATE 8-20-2025 PRE-ORDER NOW!
There’s a new Superman movie out this month—but when I heard that, my mind flew back 38 years to Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, a cinematic trainwreck of epic proportions. The plot was absurd, the budget was anemic, and Hollywood wisely took a long break from the franchise after that. But while the movie deserves all the ridicule it gets, the title stuck with me: The Quest for Peace.
Because if you're a caregiver, you know exactly what that feels like.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I invite my fellow caregivers to join me on that very journey—the often painful, sometimes hilarious, always sacred search for peace. Peace in the middle of sleepless nights, endless medical drama, strained relationships, and a soul stretched thin.
I open up about a struggle many caregivers carry but rarely talk about: resentment. Whether it's being overlooked by family, dismissed by doctors, or just frustrated with God—or yourself—it eats away at us. Drawing from the words of C.S. Lewis, I discuss how forgiveness, anchored in God's grace, becomes a daily practice—not a feeling, and certainly not a one-time decision.
I also continue my series on “30 Hymns Every Christian Should Know,” spotlighting Great Is Thy Faithfulness. Inspired by Lamentations 3, where Jeremiah finds hope in the wreckage of Jerusalem, this hymn—written by Thomas Chisholm, who lived with chronic illness—offers a powerful reminder that God's mercy meets us every morning, even when we can barely get out of bed. I play it from the “caregiver keyboard,” the one I use for Gracie, whose voice gives it a strength words alone can't capture.
So, no, I’m not wearing a cape. I don’t fly. But after 40 years as a caregiver, I’ve learned a few things about finding peace when everything around you is breaking. Join me for this honest, gritty, and grace-filled episode.
NEW BOOK - AUGUST 20, 2025 (click for more!)
After five months in a hospital bed, Gracie came home—hooked to drains, fragile, and unable to sit up for more than a few minutes. I pulled her out of the truck, and just as we were about to head inside, she stopped.
Eyes closed. Face tilted upward.
“Oh… that feels wonderful.”
It wasn’t a miracle. It was a warm summer mountain breeze.
But when you’ve been breathing hospital air for nearly half a year, that breeze feels like Eden. The cool of the day. In Hebrew: רוּחַ הַיּוֹם (ruach hayom)—the wind of the day, the gentle breath of God that walked with Adam and Eve through their brokenness.
That’s what this episode is about. Not just a hymn. Not just a breeze. But the presence of God showing up when suffering suffocates.
I also talk candidly about a hard truth for many caregivers: “Lord, would You please just take them home?”
That’s not a death wish. That’s not despair. That’s faith reaching for mercy.
How Great Thou Art belongs on the front line of every caregiver’s hymnbook. That’s why it’s part of my new series: 30 Hymns Every Caregiver Should Know. Because sometimes your theology needs melody—when words fail and your soul forgets the tune of hope.
🎧 Listen in. Let the mountain breeze blow. And remember: He still walks with us.
What does it mean to be a caregiver? And where is God when the journey feels like one long, unending dirt road?
In this special episode, Peter Rosenberger defines the true heart of caregiving—not as a job, but as a calling to stand between someone’s chronic impairment and even worse disaster. Through the lens of his 40-year journey, Peter unpacks the metaphor of mining for gold amid the dirt of trauma, exhaustion, and despair.
He shares the unforgettable story of Gracie singing the Doxology moments after her second leg amputation—and how praise isn’t a luxury but a lifeline.
Peter also launches a new series: 30 Hymns Every Christian Should Know, starting with Holy, Holy, Holy—tracing its history, theology, and meaning for weary hearts.
Joined by Gracie for the final segment, this episode ends with a moving reminder: Where He is... is home.
✨ Scriptures, songs, and stories to strengthen caregivers—right when they need it most.
NEW BOOK - Order today!
https://a.co/d/9L8KoFx
What does it mean to be a caregiver? And where is God when the journey feels like one long, unending dirt road?
In this special episode, Peter Rosenberger defines the true heart of caregiving—not as a job, but as a calling to stand between someone’s chronic impairment and even worse disaster. Through the lens of his 40-year journey, Peter unpacks the metaphor of mining for gold amid the dirt of trauma, exhaustion, and despair.
He shares the unforgettable story of Gracie singing the Doxology moments after her second leg amputation—and how praise isn’t a luxury but a lifeline.
Peter also launches a new series: 30 Hymns Every Christian Should Know, starting with Holy, Holy, Holy—tracing its history, theology, and meaning for weary hearts.
Joined by Gracie for the final segment, this episode ends with a moving reminder: Where He is... is home.
✨ Scriptures, songs, and stories to strengthen caregivers—right when they need it most.
NEW BOOK - Order today!
https://a.co/d/9L8KoFx
Caregiving exposes something most of us never see coming:
Our thinking is broken — and it always has been.
Yes, caregiving brings exhaustion, stress, and crisis. But the real problem runs far deeper than circumstances. The root issue traces all the way back to Eden.
When Adam sinned, God pronounced:
“Cursed is the ground because of you.” (Genesis 3:17)
The dirt beneath his feet was broken because of sin. But if even the ground was cursed, how much more the mind that led Adam into rebellion?
"If the very ground was cursed because of sin, how much more so are our minds?"
That’s not poetry — that’s theology. And it’s the daily reality of caregivers everywhere.
Caregiving Doesn’t Break Your Mind — It Exposes the One You Already Had We assume we’re thinking clearly. We assume our instincts are reliable. But Scripture says otherwise:
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” (Proverbs 14:12)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
“Set your minds on things above, not on things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)
“Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
Our thinking isn’t neutral — it’s tainted by sin. Total depravity means sin didn’t just touch our behavior; it poisoned our reasoning. And caregiving simply turns up the heat, forcing our broken minds into the spotlight.
Left to ourselves, our minds write checks our souls can’t cash.
Why “Just Trust Your Gut” Is Dangerous Advice One of the cruelest lines caregivers hear is:
“Just trust your gut.”
No. Don’t. Your gut is tired. Your gut is scared. Your gut is sinful.
Even David knew better:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
The problem isn’t just out there. The problem is in here.
Where’s the Hope? The answer isn’t in “trying harder” to think better. The answer is surrender.
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:5)
Christ, who lived perfectly, offers us His mind — not simply as a theological concept, but as a practical necessity for caregivers in crisis.
You’re not doomed to your own instincts. In Christ, you have clarity your flesh can’t produce.
Caregiving isn’t about becoming better thinkers — it’s about becoming better surrenderers.
Bottom Line If sin could corrupt the ground beneath Adam’s feet, you can be sure it corrupted the mind that led him there.
The sooner we admit our thinking is compromised, the sooner we can lean fully on the mind of Christ.
I love talking with interesting people doing interesting things—especially when what they’re building impacts those of us in the caregiving world.
That’s why I sat down with Dr. Severence McLaughlin, the CEO of DeLorean AI. His team is using artificial intelligence to predict serious health events—like heart attacks, mental health crises, or hospitalizations—before they happen.
As someone who’s spent four decades in the thick of caregiving, I’ve had to be more than a husband. I’ve had to be the historian, the advocate, and often the one holding the entire narrative together. But what if that burden could be shared? What if technology could actually lighten the load—and even save lives in the process?
This conversation dives into chronic pain, suicide risk in veterans, dialysis, depression, and the future of precision healthcare. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the medical system—or like you’re the only one keeping track—this one’s worth your time.
Lean in and listen.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of Hope for the Caregiver, the nation’s largest broadcast for family caregivers. After four decades of caregiving, he’s learned a few things the hard way—and shares them with heart, humor, and hymns.
His newest book, A Caregiver’s Companion: Scriptures, Hymns and 40 Years of Insights for Life’s Toughest Role, releases this August.
Learn more at PeterRosenberger.com Follow on X: @hope4caregiver
I love talking with interesting people doing interesting things—especially when what they’re building impacts those of us in the caregiving world.
That’s why I sat down with Dr. Severance McLaughlin, the CEO of DeLorean AI. His team is using artificial intelligence to predict serious health events—like heart attacks, mental health crises, or hospitalizations—before they happen.
As someone who’s spent four decades in the thick of caregiving, I’ve had to be more than a husband. I’ve had to be the historian, the advocate, and often the one holding the entire narrative together. But what if that burden could be shared? What if technology could actually lighten the load—and even save lives in the process?
This conversation dives into chronic pain, suicide risk in veterans, dialysis, depression, and the future of precision healthcare. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the medical system—or like you’re the only one keeping track—this one’s worth your time.
Lean in and listen.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of Hope for the Caregiver, the nation’s largest broadcast for family caregivers. After four decades of caregiving, he’s learned a few things the hard way—and shares them with heart, humor, and hymns.
His newest book, A Caregiver’s Companion: Scriptures, Hymns and 40 Years of Insights for Life’s Toughest Role, releases this August.
Learn more at PeterRosenberger.com Follow on X: @hope4caregiver
“It’s going to be okay,” my father told my mother as they faced one of their hardest seasons.
She looked at him and asked, “How do you know?”
And he quietly replied: “Because I know God.”
That simple statement calmed my mother — and it now anchors me.
Scripture points us to this kind of example:
Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. — Hebrews 13:7 (ESV)
When the future feels uncertain, caregivers don’t always need detailed answers. Sometimes we just need to remember Who holds the answers.
Gracie was lying in bed. The surgeon had just been in to remove the stitches — but clearly, it was too early.
A few minutes later, I came into the room. Gracie asked for help sitting up. She reached for my arm and started to pull herself upright.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
The wound suddenly split wide open — 10-12 inches long, four inches wide. It’s called dehiscence.
I was instantly reminded why I studied music and not medicine. But there was no time to be queasy — Gracie needed me.
I quickly summoned the nurses, who rushed in. I told them to urgently call the surgical team. Then I grabbed Gracie’s hand, helped her recline back on the bed, locked eyes with her and said:
“Don’t look down.”
As her breathing slowed, we began to sing:
In my life, Lord, be glorified…
Gracie softly changed the words:
In my leg, Lord, be glorified today.
The surgical team worked around us while she sang. They were stunned. So was I.
She wasn’t thinking about tomorrow. Just: Be glorified in this.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3
Caregiving comes at you fast. Take a minute and read my book,
A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday!
When the surgeon told me Gracie would be in the hospital for three months, my mind raced: The kids are at school. I’ve got a job to hold down. Bills to pay. How am I supposed to hold this together for three months?
Staring at the wall, I quietly muttered to myself: "I can’t do this for three months."
The surgeon heard me. He gently placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "You're not going to do it for three months. You're going to do it for 24 hours." Then he pointed me to Jesus’ words: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." (Matthew 6:34)
That moment was more than 20 years ago. It still carries me.
Caregiving often feels impossible when you try to take it all at once. But we were never asked to carry months or years — only today.
Just today. By His grace. That’s the 24-Hour Rule.
Caregiving comes at you fast - take a minute.
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Caregiving doesn’t just exhaust me — it exposes my broken thinking. In this episode, I share how total depravity clouds not only my actions but my thought process. Fatigue, frustration, fear, and sin distort judgment — even while I’m trying to advocate for the person I love.
That’s why caregivers don’t just need rest — we need Christ to steady both our hands and our minds. I also share how this plays out in real conversations with doctors, staff, and decision makers: learning when to speak, when to stay quiet, and how the Holy Spirit helps caregivers respond wisely — even at 3AM when another crisis hits.
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3
Caregiving comes at you fast: Take a minute with A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday
Caregiving doesn’t just exhaust me — it exposes my broken thinking. In this episode, I share how total depravity clouds not only my actions but my thought process. Fatigue, frustration, fear, and sin distort judgment — even while I’m trying to advocate for the person I love.
That’s why caregivers don’t just need rest — we need Christ to steady both our hands and our minds. I also share how this plays out in real conversations with doctors, staff, and decision makers: learning when to speak, when to stay quiet, and how the Holy Spirit helps caregivers respond wisely — even at 3AM when another crisis hits.
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3
Caregiving comes at you fast: Take a minute with A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I walk through one of the most practical, personal, and painful issues every caregiver faces: worry.
We explore what Jesus really meant in Matthew 6 when He said, “Do not worry about tomorrow…” — and I back the truck up to show how that entire section of Scripture ties together. This is not sentimental. It’s hard theology lived out in hospital rooms, operating rooms, and late-night caregiver prayers.
I share some deeply personal stories from our ongoing four-month hospitalization:
- The moment when my wife’s surgical wound burst open unexpectedly — and how, even then, worship replaced panic as Gracie sang “In My Leg, Lord, Be Glorified” while medical teams worked.
- How my dad, near the end of his life, calmed my mother with four powerful words: “Because I know God.”
- The late-night “Code Gray” in the hospital — and how that inspired my idea of a “Code Grace” for caregivers who are emotionally unraveling.
- Why daily trust in God is like Tchaikovsky’s daily piano practice: if you skip it, everyone notices.
We also look at Paul and Silas — bruised, bleeding, shackled — still singing hymns in a Philippian jail. That same peace that passes understanding remains available to us today, even in hospital rooms, financial stress, and medical crises.
Worry is real. But so is the sovereignty of God.
I challenge caregivers (and myself) to make the intentional choice to trust Christ today — and to leave tomorrow where it belongs: in His capable hands.
If you're a caregiver weighed down by fear, this episode is for you.
In this Memorial Day episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I open up about one of the hardest—and most overlooked—struggles caregivers face: resentment. After more than 40 years in this journey, I’ve learned that it’s not just the physical exhaustion that wears us down—it’s the internal striving, the bitterness, and the sense of being forgotten.
In this episode, I talk about:
- The difference between sleep and true rest
- Why striving leaves us drained and bitter
- A quote from my new book, A Caregiver’s Companion, and the hymn that goes with it
- How gratitude becomes the antidote to resentment
- And what one surprising verse in Matthew 1:6 reveals about God’s justice, memory, and hope for caregivers
I also share a story from the hospital room—something small, but sacred—that brought the Gospel into sharp focus for me. If you're weary, grieving, or stuck in resentment, I hope this message will point you toward the rest only Christ can give.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I reflect on our 118-day (and counting) hospital journey as Gracie prepares for her 98th surgery. From surgical setbacks to worn-out mattresses, it’s been a long road—but not without unexpected laughter, grace, and even a surprising riff from Gracie that would’ve made James Brown smile.
We dig into the importance of vigilance—not just physical, but spiritual and emotional. I share thoughts on situational awareness, the loss of basic decorum in our culture, and what it means to see and respond to the pain in others. Whether it's the young man who doesn't know how to hold a door or the weary soul behind the mop, we're called to be ready—to serve, to comfort, and to live alert to the needs around us.
If you're a caregiver, or just someone trying to walk through this world without getting swallowed by it, this one's for you.
fter more than 110 days in the hospital and Gracie approaching her 98th surgery, this episode explores what real faith looks like in the trenches of caregiving. I share two jaw-dropping moments with Gracie—responses to a psychiatrist that left us all speechless—and unpack what it means to trust “El Roi,” the God who sees, even when our view is blocked by suffering, hospital walls, or exhaustion.
We talk about the daily grind of hospital life, how caregivers can practice faithful stewardship of their minds and bodies, and yes—how even pancakes can test your resolve. I also share how Scripture, hymns, and daily devotional habits have carried me through this long stretch.
If you’ve ever wondered how to find hope when the days blur together, or what caregiving looks like with 98 surgeries behind you, this is the one to hear. Faith in suffering, joy in hardship, and the daily resolve to keep walking—these aren’t theories. This is the day the Lord has made—even here.
Includes reflections on: • Christian caregiving • Psalm 118 & the Hallel Psalms • Hospital survival strategies • Marriage and disability • Devotional insights for caregivers • Singing hymns through suffering • The joy of the Lord in hardship
As America reflected on Trump's first 100 days, Peter Rosenberger reflects on 100 straight days in the hospital with his wife Gracie—her 95th surgery behind them, and hard lessons ahead. With hospital humor and deep spiritual insight, he unpacks what it means to endure, produce, and even minister while suffering. From “code blues” to a “Code Grace,” this episode offers raw hope from the front lines of caregiving.
When Easter feels hollow, hospitals replace hymns, and loneliness crowds the heart — what anchors a caregiver’s soul? Peter Rosenberger, four-decade caregiver and radio host, takes listeners inside a brutal Holy Week spent between airports and operating rooms. Through Scripture, song, and hard-won wisdom, Peter challenges the sugar-coated faith peddled by today's culture, and calls believers back to the rugged, soul-saving hope of Christ’s resurrection. This isn’t sentiment. This is survival — anchored in the living Word, forged through suffering, and sung even when the wound is still open.
What do our final words say about the condition of our hearts? In this Easter episode of Hope for the Caregiver, I explore the last recorded words of public figures, saints, and martyrs—from David Cassidy to Dietrich Bonhoeffer—and what they reveal about fear, faith, and eternity.
I also share personal moments from the hospital during Gracie’s 94th surgery—where suffering, humor, and holy ground often meet. From elevator conversations to bedside worship, this is a reflection on what it means to be present, to see people as they are, and to live anchored in the redemptive power of Christ.
We talk about the weight of Easter, the legacy of words, and how a caregiver’s perspective can sharpen our focus on what truly matters. In a world full of noise, maybe the most powerful thing we can do is speak hope, listen carefully, and live in such a way that our words echo something eternal.
Caregiver fatigue is real—and it’s more than just exhaustion. In this episode, Peter Rosenberger shares powerful insights from 40+ years as a caregiver, including how to handle sleep deprivation, reduce stress, and pursue intentional rest—even from a hospital room. Learn practical tips (like how a $20 box fan helps), spiritual encouragement, and why one physical therapist prescribed something unexpected: sing three times a day.
Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.
This is Peter Rosenberger and I will be your host today through all things caregiver related.
I've been a caregiver so long that the hospital Wi-Fi connects automatically.
You know you've been a caregiver a long time when you call 911 and they say,
Hey Peter,
that's my life.
I've been a caregiver so long my idea of vacation is waiting in the car during surgery.
And even Siri whispers to me, bless your heart.
We are still in Denver, in the hospital.
And Gracie now has to go back into surgery on Monday or Tuesday.
This left leg just does not want to heal up.
This will be her 93rd and her 6th during this particular 10-week stretch we pulled.
So yeah, I know a little bit about the journey.
And I've learned a few things.
I'm going to give you some practical things right now.
Okay?
Just some practical.
We're going to get into some heavy stuff later on in the program.
But I've got some practical things.
One of them is when you're in an elevator.
A couple of points in an elevator.
For elevator etiquette.
And it's not what you think.
But it's...
I always let ladies exit and enter the elevator before me.
I hold the door and make sure they go in properly.
I told one guy, there was a bunch of them, and this guy tried to go in.
I said, no, you wait for me.
I was raised in the South.
I'll help the ladies, but I'm not going to help you.
You're a grown man.
I actually told him that on the elevator.
I mean, I've spent a lot of time in the hospital.
So these are things I observed.
But a lot of people will line up in front of the elevator on the bottom floor.
Now, why is that problematic?
Why?
Well, I'll tell you why.
Because there are people going to be getting off that elevator,
and they can't get off if there's some yahoo standing right in front of them.
And I'm like, has it not occurred to you maybe to wait over to the side?
Another thing is, don't be on speakerphone and having a conversation while on the elevator.
I understand being on the phone.
I'm often on Bluetooth, giving updates and so forth.
But when I get on the elevator,
I will tell whoever I'm talking to,
I'm getting ready to get on the elevator.
You keep talking, I'll listen.
I got a buddy of mine I was talking to back in Montana.
And I said, all right, I'm getting on the elevator.
You talk, I'll listen.
So he started asking me questions.
And I'm like, you didn't understand the point.
The point is, I'm getting on the elevator.
I'm not going to talk.
You talk, I'll listen.
Well, what do you want me to talk about?
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
And so I just kind of, you know, but that's another thing.
People get on the elevator and they got speakerphone going.
And I'm like, I jump into the conversation sometimes, you know, figured it's there.
It's a public conversation now.
And then here's something else.
And I'm not faulting you for this, but be aware that
Be aware of a few things when you're walking into a hospital, into a corridor.
Number one is if you're going around corners, drive in the right lane.
Okay?
Drive in the right lane.
We're not in Great Britain.
We're in America.
Drive in the right lane.
So hug the wall on your right side.
So when you go around a corner,
you're not doing like in NASCAR when you're getting way down low there.
You got to go up a little high and come around because there's somebody else coming
around that corner and they're driving in their right lane.
I have been involved in many near collisions because people were hugging the left corner.
Now,
that may sound stupid to you,
but you spend 10 weeks in a hospital,
and then you come back and tell me what you think,
okay?
And this ain't my first 10 weeks in the hospital with Gracie.
So these are things I observed that people are,
this is a very big hospital,
a lot of people,
and everybody's busy,
and I understand that.
Here's another little tidbit.
Situational awareness is everything.
Be aware of how you are in space and in time as you're moving in and out of this labyrinth of
of a place there where a lot of people are.
People are very busy.
This is, again, a teaching hospital.
So it's very busy.
It's always going 24-7.
And you have to be aware of where you are in space and in time.
Not just, you know...
ambling along.
I was on the elevator with two women, and they were older women, but not that old.
Well,
now that I think about it,
they're probably younger than me,
which,
now that's just kind of sad,
isn't it?
They looked older, but I realized they're probably younger than me.
Okay, well, all right, let me just go and cry over that one in the pantry.
But
Regardless,
they were on the elevator and one of them had a walker and they were very nicely dressed.
They were very pleasant ladies.
And I held the door and they started walking.
Well, I was in a bit of a hurry.
And these two women, one of them was rather large.
I mean, she wasn't gargantuan, but she's a big woman.
And the other one was a bit
hefty as well.
And she had a walker, but a little, not a walker, but one of those things with wheels on it.
You know what I'm talking about.
And she would sit down and into the elevator and then get up and start moving.
That's fine.
I live with somebody with mobility impairments.
I understand it.
But I am always aware of Gracie and me in time and space.
Always.
When I'm walking anywhere with her,
I'm aware of who's behind me,
who's in front of me,
who's to my left.
I'm always aware of things like that.
That's just the way I kind of
Some of it's my martial arts training, check your six, always look around, head on a swivel.
I get that.
Some of it's just common courtesy and some of it is just,
I just don't want somebody to run into me or me run into someone else.
And these two women were ambling along for a little afternoon stroll.
But they took up the entire corridor.
You couldn't get around them.
It was just not a space where I could.
And they walked wide, and they were wide.
And it wasn't just because of the one with the mobility device.
It was just because they were big and clueless.
And they went along at their stroll, and I had to go with their pace behind them.
And I was in a bit of a hurry.
I was like...
You know, do you have to take up the entire hallway?
You know,
because there's always little carts or something on the side of the thing,
and you can't easily pass in certain places.
And, you know, crash carts and things such as that scattered around the corridor there.
So it was like... And you say, you know, Peter, you're being petty.
Well, yes, I am.
But I've been here for 10 weeks, and I've just, you know...
Move it, people.
That's what I'm talking about.
Thank you for that.
That's what it feels like.
I'm telling you, that's what it feels like.
Move it, people.
There's nothing like being in a hospital for a lengthy period of time to...
force you into a different kind of, I don't know.
But I never cease to be amazed on how people amble and stroll and mosey
in a place where there's a high traffic area.
And it's a bit jarring because I'm moving quickly.
And I'm not just sitting there with Gracie all day long doing nothing.
I mean, oh, I think I'll stretch my legs and go down to the cafeteria.
I'm working.
I have to work all the time.
I mean, I don't have to work all the time, but I have to work
I can't put my life on hold for 10 weeks.
And I've written,
by the way,
I've written quite a bit here,
40,000 plus words since I've been here.
Five published articles and I finished a new book that's going to be out next year.
Got one coming out this summer and we'll talk about that.
And then I've got a new book that'll be out next year that I think you're going to really like.
But I've been working and then I've gotten shipments over to Africa and so forth.
I mean, I work.
And then I'm looking after her.
I'm back and forth to the hospital frequently.
I come to do this radio program.
I do a live show on Wednesdays.
And that's one of the reasons I went in a hurry that day because I had to get back
over to the hotel across the street where I do a live show on Wednesday afternoons.
And so I was,
you know,
wanting these women to move a little faster or at least move over,
you know,
just same thing as being on a highway.
You don't go on the interstate at 30 miles an hour.
And they just, you know, were clueless.
I mean, truly clueless.
And I see this a lot in the hospital.
If you have to go into the hospital for an extended period of time,
be aware that you're going to see high traffic areas and stay to the right.
And don't stand right in front of an elevator blocking it so people on the elevator
can't get off.
You're not getting on unless they get off.
And so give them space to maneuver.
My father used to always say that.
He said, keep moving forward, but give space to maneuver.
That was one of his trademark lines.
And he was such a student of observing people and their behaviors that he would
probably chuckle at this.
I don't know if you are, but I'm sorry.
I just had to take this moment to vent out because I'm tired of running into people
by the elevators and through the hallways of this hospital.
Listen, we got more to go.
This is Peter Rosenberger, Hope for the Caregiver, hopeforthecaregiver.com.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.
I am Peter Rosenberger, PeterRosenberger.com.
PeterRosenberger.com.
If you want to explore more of what I put out there for you as a family caregiver,
I hope you'll take advantage of it.
Right up at the top of the page, you say, check out Peter's Substack page.
Well, what does that mean?
Well, Substack is an online newsletter.
And there are lots of different things that I put out there.
You can put video and audio and print and so forth, and that's what I do.
And
On this page, my latest post is, what do you think?
It's called What Do You Think?
And it's from my book, A Minute for Caregivers, When Every Day Feels Like Monday.
And I post these out every Monday.
So if you go out today and subscribe to this,
you'll get a missive on Monday to tell you about a new one.
But right now,
you can go out and read this today,
look at it,
and there's some other things out there.
Some of it's behind a paywall,
and you have to subscribe for that if that's your choice you want to do.
But this I put out every Monday for free.
And this is one I think that would connect deeply with you as a caregiver.
I'll give you a bit of a preview of this, okay?
And the concept behind it.
That's the special bonus that you're going to get today on this program.
Like I said, I've been here for a long time.
I've devolved into elevator etiquette for a conversation topic.
I mean, you get a little bit loopy here when you have these kinds of lengthy hospital stays.
But I have often and embarrassingly inserted my opinion during Gracie's long medical journey.
I know you're saying to yourself, no, Peter, that couldn't happen.
You wouldn't give your opinion.
You would be quiet and demure and genteel, and you would be a wallflower.
I know you might think that.
That may be your first inclination to go there, but...
Let me dispel you of that and tell you that I have done this and I don't recall
being frequently asked for my opinion,
particularly by surgeons.
Yet,
as the team was observing Gracie's response during the recovery process of one of
her surgeries,
the lead surgeon looked at me and said,
what do you think?
All right, now think through that for just a moment.
This guy is a serious surgeon, not a lightweight.
You don't serve in this particular hospital, this teaching hospital.
You don't serve in this capacity as a teacher,
as the attending,
unless you've got some real game to you.
Let me just add, I don't let you work on my wife unless you have some real game to you.
Okay?
We're pretty hard on docs and surgeons.
I had a resident tell me that, you know, I've never seen this before.
They were looking at some stuff with Gracie and said, we've never seen this before.
I looked at this surgeon and I said,
you know,
the first time I heard that from a surgeon,
Ronald Reagan was president.
And they couldn't believe it.
I mean, they were stung it.
They really don't know how to wrap their mind around that.
So anyway, this surgeon looked at me, and he's not a lightweight surgeon.
What do you think?
Well,
you know,
four decades of living with Gracie,
I understand nuances about her that no medical professional could ever hope to know.
They don't have the kind of time to be brought up to speed on Gracie.
I have a PhD in Gracie.
And it came from the School of Hard Knocks.
Most of them, she's knocked on my head.
And I hear an amen from Gleason, Tennessee, where Betsy has just said amen.
She listens to this program and she's saying amen.
I've known Betsy and her husband Tommy for a very, very long time.
They've known me since I was 14 or 15 years old.
But anyway, the School of Hard Knocks, that's it.
A lengthy list of unpleasant events,
and I'm saying that with a great deal of diplomacy,
has taught me and continues to teach me the value of keeping my opinion to myself
and only sharing what I've witnessed and experienced to the best of my abilities.
Now, sometimes it gets the best of me, I admit.
But I try to stay with my experience.
and what I've observed.
So when the surgeon graciously sought my thoughts, I stayed on message.
I shared what I've observed of my wife and her challenges and avoided speculating.
Here's what I've observed.
One of the things I've observed that post-operatively,
when something can go wrong with a patient,
it usually will go wrong with Gracie.
That's what I've observed.
And I went on to
share with him some other things i've observed about her lengthy history nodding
with understanding he ordered a few additional tests evidently in part based upon
my response and he continued looking for solutions now as a caregiver i'm learning
to stay in my lane i really am i don't
Don't jump to conclusions that I'm not,
even though I went on the whole elevator diatribe at the last block.
I'm learning to stay in my lane while speaking with calm authority about what I know.
recognizing that my experience is far worthier than my opinion.
And I put a quote on there from Kurt Cobain.
You may not know who he is.
He's a particularly sad,
tragic figure who was the lead singer,
guitarist,
songwriter for Nirvana,
a very troubled young man who took his life when he was 27.
He had been just a very sad, troubled man, but he was a very deep thinker.
And he wrote something once that said,
we have no right to express an opinion until we know all of the answers.
And again, he was an extremely troubled young man.
who sadly took his life.
Many attempts tried to take his life before, dealt with drugs and so forth.
But in the middle of his distress,
he had such profound things that he said,
the way he approached things.
And I love that quote, we have no right to express an opinion until we know all the answers.
And I think of my own life and how many times I have shot my mouth off with an
opinion and I didn't even know what I was talking about.
And I go back to what I said with this doctor.
In my experience, this is what I've seen.
This is what I've witnessed.
This is what I've observed.
And I thought that may be helpful to some of you as caregivers when dealing with
your physicians and the medical providers treating your loved one or in general
with anyone.
Here's what I've witnessed.
Here's what I've seen.
Because your experience is unimpeachable.
It's yours.
You've experienced this.
Your eyewitness is unimpeachable.
This is what you saw.
This is what you have encountered.
And if you stay in that place, you're not going to get off into the weirdness of opinion.
And I also think about that with our Christian faith.
How many of us give our opinion versus, here's my experience.
That's why I love going back to some of these hymns who have said it so beautifully,
O God,
our help in ages past.
our hope for years to come, our shelter from the stormy blast and our eternal home.
Well, that's saying, look, here's our experience.
This is what we've seen, what he's done.
You know, look at 1 Samuel 7, 12.
Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mitzvah and Shem and called its name Ebenezer.
For he said, thus far the Lord has helped us.
And the word Ebenezer means stone of help.
Do you know the only hymn that uses the word Ebenezer?
It's from Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.
Here I raise my Ebenezer,
hither by thy help I come,
and I hope by thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.
It's such a great hymn.
Sadly,
the writer of that hymn, struggled with his faith.
Even though he had that great line,
bind my wandering heart to thee,
prone to wonder,
Lord,
I feel it.
And he struggled,
I think,
all of his life,
or certainly later on in his life,
and struggled with his faith.
But at that time, he wrote that.
Again,
sometimes some of the best things can come from people who are struggling mightily
with stuff.
like Kurt Cobain or like the author of this hymn.
His name was Robert Robertson.
He wrote that hymn back in 1758.
He was just a kid.
He was just 22.
Kurt Cobain was 27 when he killed himself.
And I don't know if Robert Robertson ever...
was able to resolve some of those issues in his life that he struggled with as he
grew older,
and he supposedly left the faith.
I don't know.
I have no idea.
Somebody who knows more about him can maybe let me know.
But he wrote this hymn, and it was a powerful hymn, and it's been sung all over the world.
Here I raise my Ebenezer.
Hither by thy help I've come.
So far, thus far, the Lord has.
This is my experience.
You know, look at Revelation.
They overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their opinion.
No, that's not what it says.
It says they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony,
their experience.
When I listen to preachers, one of the things I listen for is their experience.
I'm not interested in really your opinion.
Show me what the text says.
Show me how you've seen this in your life or in others, what you've observed.
And anchor me in this text.
I'm not interested in your opinion that much.
What I am interested in is understanding Scripture on an experiential level,
to see these things fleshed out.
And so when I talked to that surgeon,
I said,
look,
in my experience,
this is what I've watched with Gracie.
I've seen this.
I am testifying to this.
And that was enough for this surgeon to use that in a protocol because it's
firsthand experiential.
That's the thing about our faith.
We're not asked to take a leap of faith into the dark.
We're invited by Scripture, asked, commanded by, to anchor our faith in the light.
And this is the experience.
I look at John, the Apostle John, when he's talking about Jesus being crucified.
He said, I've witnessed this.
Look at John 1935.
He who saw it has borne witness.
His testimony is true.
And he knows that he is telling the truth that you may also believe.
It's almost like John,
and I don't know,
if you're a theologian or scholar,
you could tell me,
but it's almost like he is saying this as an affidavit in court.
Like, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
And he's saying,
if you go back and look at the message,
sometimes it helps me to understand it if you go back and look at different
translations and paraphrases.
In the message, it says, "...the eyewitness to these things has presented an accurate report.
He saw it himself and is telling the truth so that you also will believe."
I gave a firsthand account of credible witness to my wife's medical journey.
The surgeon acted on that and made some changes in this.
The Apostle John, the prophet Samuel, gave credible witness to what God has done.
John gave witness to that.
This is what happened to Jesus on the cross so that we will also believe.
That's not stepping into the dark.
That's acting on the light.
And that is hope for the caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger, PeterRosenberger.com.
We'll be right back.
Peter Rosenberger.
He's not a preacher, but he's got great hair.
Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.
I am Peter Rosenberg.
Glad to be with you today.
And you know what?
You may have just turned this show on midstream.
You might be right here in the middle of the show.
And you've been up all night having a conversation with the ceiling fan.
And you wake up and you hear a program that's for family caregivers of all things.
And you think, where has such a program been?
Well, it's been right here.
But I'm glad you're here with us now.
And I've been doing this for 14 years.
I've been on American Family Radio now for seven years.
And I understand how difficult this journey is.
I really do.
And I understand what brings me comfort.
And I ask you, think about that for just a moment.
Most of you know my story.
And if you're brand new to the audience and you're just coming in halfway through
the show,
that's okay.
Four decades later.
And on Monday or Tuesday, my wife will have her 93rd surgery.
Car wreck back in 1983.
Now think through the lengthy amount of time this is.
How many hospitalizations?
We've been here for this particular stretch for 10 weeks.
Doesn't show, I don't know when we're going home.
But we can't go home until this is done.
And I understand how difficult this journey is.
So what brings me comfort?
What brings Gracie comfort in this?
Is it anesthesia?
Is it painkillers?
Well, it helps ease her pain.
But is that what brings her comfort?
Is that what brings me comfort?
What brings me comfort?
I mean, think about it.
I mean,
I'm working out of a hotel room across the street in not the best part of town in Aurora,
Colorado.
I'd like to be at home.
I could have been out on the snowmobile.
and enjoying a beautiful Montana winter.
Instead, I'm over here in a hotel, and sometimes I know the other night I had ramen noodle soup.
I was tired.
I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I just had ramen soup.
I remember I was staying at a hotel down the road here.
There's several hotels across the street, but now I've camped out at this one.
I've been here now multiple times.
We've been out here,
and this is where I'm going to be permanently,
but I don't think we're going to have to come back for another stretch.
But I was staying at one down the road, and they got it messed up.
This was some years ago.
And they got it messed up in our room.
But I was in the middle of Gracie's surgery,
and I didn't do anything about it until about a week or two after she'd kind of stabilized.
And I was checking out one.
I mean,
I was at the counter,
and they had a little,
you know how hotels do,
they have a little place where you can buy overpriced items.
And they had some soup.
And I just, you know, it goes back to my college days, some ramen soup.
And I had there on the counter my dinner that night because I was tired and I
didn't feel like going anywhere.
And I paid overpriced ramen soup, you know, and you know how much that stuff costs.
But I mentioned the night manager.
I said, look, I'm just now getting back with you.
But when we got here, they were supposed to have this kind of room for my wife.
They didn't have it.
They really kind of messed it up and it was very difficult.
And I just want to bring that to your attention.
And she saw my soup on the counter there and she said, oh, I'm so sorry.
Here, take that on us.
It's the least we could do.
And I used a great deal of restraint.
You have no idea the torque involved in this.
And I almost said, but I didn't say, it's ramen soup.
There ain't no leaster.
Of course, it's the least you could do.
But she was very sincere, and I let it slide.
Eventually,
I talked to the daytime manager,
and they worked out the problem and got it all squared away.
So, you know, this is the way I'm living here.
And Gracie's not certainly enjoying where she is.
I mean, she's had now, this will be her sixth surgery in this 10-week stretch here.
This leg just doesn't want to heal.
And they have to go in there and redo something even different now.
And so here we are.
But we can't leave.
This is for all the marbles.
If we get this right, she has a better quality of life.
If we get it wrong, she's in pretty dire circumstances for the rest of her life on earth.
And so I get the journey.
What brings me comfort?
What has settled my heart down?
What has given me the ability to focus and be clear-headed during this?
And that is thinking on the things of God.
Not abstractly.
I'm talking about up close and personal, really contemplating these things.
I've been studying.
I've been going through the book of John while I'm here.
And I am resolved to these things because I know that there's a greater work going on.
And that I go back to what I've been saying over the last couple of weeks here with
the Heidelberg Catechism.
What is my only comfort in life and in death?
And that is I belong to Christ.
And in this world,
he will see fit to allow us to go through very painful things,
sometimes horrific things.
I don't know why.
I'm not really all that excited about it.
I don't like it.
But I am so committed to this because I see that he has saved me from something far worse.
And I belong in his service.
And that this is where he's asked us to go.
And this is what Gracie said when I was praying for her.
I mentioned this two weeks ago before her 91st surgery.
And I was like, Lord, this is too many.
Gracie said, no, it's not.
This is how many he thinks is necessary.
And we're going to do what he has led us to do.
And I know that,
I think it was Karl Marx or Stalin or somebody,
one of those guys,
who said that religion is the opioid for the masses,
right?
I can't say that I disagree with that.
But I'm not talking about religion.
I'm talking about theology.
Understanding and knowing, discovering, learning about God.
Religion is man's attempt to do these things.
Theology is studying what God has already shown us in His Word.
That we can know Him.
And I've said this before on this program,
but I had a caller call in to the Wednesday live show that I do and asked,
is suffering required in order to grow in our Christianity?
And my answer was, suffering is required to be a human being.
In this world, we're going to have it.
I mean, it's part of the condition.
And you can live your whole life without being afflicted by trauma or disease of
any magnitude,
not even approaching anywhere near where Gracie is.
But you're still going to die.
Your body's going to get old and die.
Unless Christ returns, none of us are getting out of this thing alive.
That's just part of the human condition.
It's how we trust God in those things.
That's where the difference is.
And I go back to this surgical event that we're dealing with here in our life right now.
Now, these surgeons that I've been working with here, and they're wonderful men.
I've worked with them now for some time,
and I've gotten to know them a little bit,
but I don't know them all that well.
I don't know, for example, her attending surgeons, wife and kids and all those kinds of things.
I really don't know a lot of his background.
I know where he's from, but that's pretty much about it.
But this man,
who I barely know,
will take my wife into a room with a bunch of strangers who I do not know,
and they will do ghastly things to her body with ghastly tools that I wouldn't want
to even touch.
And then when he comes out, I'll thank him.
And Gracie does too.
She took his hand one time.
Thank you.
How often do we do that to people who wear white lab coats or surgical scrubs?
Thank you, doctor.
Thank you, doctor.
And we treat them with reverence and respect, and we barely know them.
We don't know where their doctrinal stances are.
We don't know what they believe, why they believe it.
We don't know those things.
We just know that they've been certified to do such and such by the governing
authorities of the state and the medical licensing board,
and this hospital has vetted them,
and the teaching university they went to has properly instructed them.
And we take that on faith, even though we've never looked at their transcripts.
we've never looked at their grades we don't know anything about them but we will
let them go in there and do things to our loved ones and we will thank them for it
how much more can we approach the king of kings and lord of lords when he does
these things how much more skilled is he and we can know him he has made it
possible that's what theology is he's laid it all out this is who i am
Now, we will never know Him absolutely because we're not infinite beings like He is.
But we can know Him truly.
He's immutable.
His loving kindness never fails.
His grace, His mercy, His wisdom, His justice, His wrath, all of those things laid out.
Corrie Ten Boone once said, don't be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
What brings us comfort is that I am not trusting Gracie to a bunch of people in
medical gear that I don't know.
I'm trusting her to the one I do know.
You're going to hear me do this probably for the rest of the time I have a program.
But I love to quote my father.
And mom told me this story about him one time.
And I've seen this in his life.
And I have so many great, wonderful memories of things that he has said and imparted to us.
But she was struggling with something young into their marriage.
And I don't know how young it was, mom.
Mom listens every week.
I don't know how young you were, but it was some time ago.
And she kind of popped off.
How do you know that?
because dad was sharing something from scripture with her she said well how do you
know this and dad responded very calmly because i know god because i know god what
gives me comfort i know god he's told me who he is and i take him at his word
And that's what strengthens me.
That's what equips me.
That's what settles me down.
I can produce a lengthy line of people,
some of them in this audience,
who have known me for a very long time and would say,
yeah,
that ain't Peter.
That's evidence of the redemptive work of Christ in Peter's life because that ain't him.
We know Peter.
We've seen his work.
And that's not me.
And thanks be to God, it isn't me.
It doesn't have to be you either.
We don't have to be reactive all the time.
We are invited by Scripture to cast all our cares on Him.
We're invited to walk in His statutes, to trust Him, to take Him in His Word.
And He gives us all the evidence that we need of said step of faith.
And like I said in the last block, we're not stepping by faith into the dark.
We're stepping by faith into the light.
The credible testimony of others who have observed this,
who have walked this,
like John himself said in the Gospel of John,
I saw it.
I was there.
Like I said to that surgeon, here's what I've seen.
And so when I look at people like my father and like so many who said,
here's what I have observed.
Here's what I know.
Here's what I've experienced.
That is what comforts and strengthens me and equips me and fortifies me.
And then I could take that into Gracie's hospital room and offer her the same
comfort that I myself have received from the God of all comfort.
And you know what that is?
That is hope for this caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
Do you know what that hymn is?
That hymn is called Abide With Me.
And it's from my CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
I've always loved this hymn.
This is my mother's favorite hymn.
And I've played this
countless times.
You can see this, like I said, on my CD, Psalms for the Caregiver.
You can download the whole thing wherever digital music is streamed,
or you can call Logos Bookstore in Nashville,
Tennessee and get a copy of it.
They're the only ones that care.
It's all out at my website,
PeterRosenberger.com,
but that's not the purpose of me telling you all this.
I used to play this hymn and many others in the sanctuary church where we attended
in Nashville for many years and
My pastor at the time asked me to play on Sunday mornings as people were coming in
to help create a more reverent atmosphere for the church.
So people would just talk, you know, yabber.
They would come in and be more reflective.
So I would work out a lot of these hymn arrangements that I did there.
And during the week, I would practice this.
And I noticed that I wasn't alone in the sanctuary.
And at the back, there was a custodian there at the church
And he would be putting hymnals back in the racks and sweeping and straightening it up,
very much like my father used to do when he was a young man.
And I've got a picture of my father when he was working at a church as a custodian.
So I had a very special place in my heart for custodians of churches,
and this man was no exception.
And I would stop and ask him, I'd say, hey, do you want me to play something for you?
And he said, no, just keep playing, just keep playing.
So I'd play and sometimes I'd practice there for an hour, maybe more.
And a beautiful Steinway up at the front of the church.
And that's the cover of my CD is me playing in that sanctuary by myself.
Except I have one picture of me playing there.
It was taken from the choir loft area where I was.
And you can make out Mike in the very back there.
And that picture hangs on a wall in my parents' home.
I gave that to my father and
That picture is juxtaposed against the picture of my dad when he was in the sanctuary serving.
Now, why am I telling you all this?
Well,
this week in the news,
they released more of the writings from the shooter at the Covenant School there in Nashville.
The first victim that she shot and killed was Mike,
the custodian who used to listen to me play the piano.
Two years ago this week, I went back to Nashville to play at his funeral
And I played for him one last time.
I look at the horrific things about that event, and it's still surreal.
It's hard to believe.
Hard to believe it happened.
And the unspeakable tragedy with so many.
I refuse,
and if this gets me in trouble,
you can write letters to peter at the internet dot Google.
But I refuse to call this individual a transgender or a guy.
was a girl it was a woman 28 years old i believe who was very very very disturbed
according to the news reports she had been writing horrifically violent plans for
some time and i don't know why it wasn't caught i don't know why
nobody seemed to intercept this or say something,
but I just know that from the facts,
she showed up that day,
and Mike was the first person in her path,
and she shot and killed him.
And I think about all the times that Mike said to me, just keep playing, just keep playing.
So I do,
and I played at his funeral two years ago this week,
and I played,
the opening hymn was Great Is Our Faithfulness,
And I got to tell you all, I laid into it.
I didn't hold back.
I didn't play it like a mourner.
Mike wouldn't have wanted me to.
Play it with conviction.
Play it like a believer.
And he would want me to do so.
I said, this time I was in the front of the church in the choir loft area, different sanctuary.
But Mike's casket was just,
instead of him being at the back of the church sitting there listening,
His casket was right there up front, just 10, 15 feet away from me.
And these are hard things.
We don't have the words for it.
We groan.
But we're not alone in our groaning.
And I just want to leave you with today.
I know this is a bit of a somber note for the show, but I wanted to
leave this with because I never forget that the reason why people listen to this
program is because they're hurting.
And the reason why people give me an hour of their time to listen to this is
because they feel like they're drowning.
And I understand that sometimes the person who understands you the most is the one
who's bled like you have.
And I have.
Still do.
Many times in that sanctuary when I was playing,
I was pouring out my heart because I didn't have the words for some of the things
that Gracie and I were going through.
Mike kept saying, just keep playing.
Just keep playing.
Just keep playing.
The Spirit groans on our behalf.
Scripture tells us to pray without ceasing.
Just keep praying.
Just keep praying.
when we don't have the words.
And that's why I'm grateful for music.
I wish I had the caregiver keyboard here at this hotel while we're in this hospital visit,
but I don't.
So I have to make do.
I look forward to being able to getting home and playing the piano some more.
Just keep playing.
It's a hard thing to read about that in the news.
And this is the world we're in.
And it's not going to get any better anytime soon.
It doesn't look like.
But we are not absolved from walking into that craziness and heartache with the
confidence of the gospel.
And that is what I am committed to doing.
I've been writing a song when the shooting occurred.
I've been writing a song that had it for about a month or two, but it wasn't finished.
I finished it right after the shooting.
In fact, I finished it within that evening because I was just so overwhelmed by watching this.
And I had Gracie sing it.
I titled the piece Covenant Lament.
I really didn't know what else to call it.
What else can you say?
He's just lamenting.
And I went to the words of Scripture that helped shape this.
This is all Scripture.
And I wanted to leave this with you all today.
At the end of this program, some of you are groaning.
Some of you are weeping.
And I want you to know that there's one who weeps for us and groans for us.
And we can trust him.
Listen to Gracie sing as we take the show out today.
And thank you for your time.
I'm Peter Rosenberger.
And I remember what my friend Mike told me.
Keep playing.
Just keep playing.
In this powerful episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares hard-won insights from the trenches of nearly four decades as a caregiver—currently speaking from the hospital room where his wife Gracie just underwent her 92nd surgery. With humor, grit, and deep theological reflection, Peter walks listeners through what it means to endure—and even thrive—through suffering.
From singing hymns “around midnight” like Paul and Silas, to holding the hand of a broken CNA just hours after surgery, this episode brings raw honesty and gospel truth to the forefront. Peter unpacks how the presence of God—not explanations—anchors caregivers through the storms of affliction. He also offers updates on Gracie’s extraordinary journey, his new Substack reflections, and a preview of his upcoming book, A Caregiver’s Companion: Daily Inspiration for Life’s Toughest Role.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Do we trust Him or not?”—this episode is for you.
What comforts a caregiver when the pain won’t let up and the surgeries keep piling up—91 of them, to be exact? In this Hope for the Caregiver episode, Peter Rosenberger shares deeply personal reflections from Colorado, where his wife Gracie recently endured her 90th and 91st surgeries. From exhaustion and setbacks to faith and grit, Peter pulls back the curtain on life inside a hospital room—and the unshakable hope that sustains them both. His source of comfort? Words penned in 1563: "That I am not my own, but belong body and soul, in life and in death, to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ." That truth, not a platitude, anchors the soul in the storm.
But comfort isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about being better. Peter explores the real meaning of "comfort," tracing it back to its Latin roots: com forte—“with strength.” That strength doesn’t come from cruises, casseroles, or clichés but from a seasoned, sanctified faith forged over decades in the crucible of suffering. God isn't in the business of pampering; He's in the business of preparing.
Finally, Peter tackles the cultural fog smothering the next generation. From fear-fueled climate doomsday talk to gender confusion, Peter asks a bold question: What happens when we obsess over carbon footprints but forget how to stand? His answer? Ground them in truth. Offer strength, not slogans. If you're wondering how to speak hope into a hopeless culture, this episode gives you the words and the witness to do it.
For More Information, visit www.PeterRosenberger.com
Hope for the Caregiver is the nation’s leading broadcast for family caregivers, hosted by Peter Rosenberger. With four decades of experience as a caregiver to his wife, Gracie—who has undergone 90 surgeries and bilateral amputations—Peter provides practical insights, biblical wisdom, and much-needed humor for fellow caregivers. His approach is candid, often humorous, and always grounded in the reality of caregiving’s daily struggles and triumphs.
In this episode, Peter shares an update on Gracie’s ongoing medical journey, including her recent surgeries to address severe orthopedic complications that have lasted decades. He describes the challenges of extended hospital stays, navigating the healthcare system, and the importance of advocating for loved ones. He also reflects on the importance of caregiver authority—standing firm in conversations with medical professionals while ensuring that a loved one’s needs are met.
Amidst these serious topics, Peter brings his signature wit, recounting experiences in Aurora, Colorado, where he’s currently stationed during Gracie’s treatment. From navigating hospital hallways to dodging crime scenes and Canadian geese, he finds humor in the chaos, reminding caregivers that even in the darkest moments, laughter can be a lifeline.
Additionally, Peter highlights the 20th anniversary of Standing with Hope, the prosthetic limb outreach he and Gracie founded to serve amputees in Africa. This ministry, along with the caregiver outreach, is a testament to their mission: sharing hope with the wounded and those who care for them. Through every challenge, Peter continues to encourage caregivers to stand strong, stay informed, and hold onto the hope that sustains them.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares an update from Denver, where his wife, Gracie, is recovering from her 89th surgery—an unexpected and grueling procedure that has required weeks in the ICU. Reflecting on his four-decade caregiving journey, Peter delves into the ever-evolving lessons of trust, peace, and endurance, particularly in the face of prolonged suffering. He challenges the often-glib encouragement to "just trust Jesus" by asking what that truly looks like in the trenches of caregiving. Through his personal reflections and a deep dive into the Gospel of John, Peter explores the profound nature of Christ’s peace and how it sustains caregivers when words of comfort from others fall short.
A powerful moment in the episode comes from a street encounter with a troubled young woman fearing for her safety. In a brief yet meaningful conversation, Peter reminds her—and by extension, all caregivers—that she is worth protecting. This story underscores a vital theme: the importance of recognizing one’s own worth amidst the demands of caregiving. Peter also introduces his article on “discretionary valor,” urging caregivers to discern when to act and when to step back, ensuring they do not spread themselves too thin by rushing into every crisis. He emphasizes that caregivers, like soldiers, must learn the art of restraint to preserve their strength for the battles that matter most.
The episode also features a discussion with author and trauma expert Sandra Allen Lovelace on the impact of trauma in caregiving and family estrangement. Together, they explore the necessity of recognizing and addressing trauma rather than ignoring or suppressing it. Peter ties these insights back to the mission of Standing with Hope, the nonprofit he and Gracie founded to provide prosthetic limbs to amputees in West Africa. As the episode closes, Peter reminds caregivers that healing—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—is a process that requires intentionality, faith, and community. Through personal anecdotes, biblical insights, and practical wisdom, this episode offers a compelling message of hope and perseverance for those carrying the weight of caregiving.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares powerful insights on the importance of surrounding yourself with uplifting voices, particularly as a caregiver. Drawing from his own experiences and biblical wisdom, he encourages listeners to take inventory of the people influencing their lives—reminding them that while we can't change others, we can change who we allow into our hearts. Through humor, personal stories, and practical faith-based encouragement, Peter challenges caregivers to set boundaries, reject harmful criticism, and anchor their self-worth in God’s truth rather than the opinions of others.
Peter also welcomes author Kathy Howard to discuss her book Deep Rooted: Growing Through the Gospel of John, addressing the widespread issue of biblical illiteracy and the urgent need for believers to engage deeply with Scripture. In addition, he shares exciting updates on Gracie’s music, his latest book projects, and reflections on caregiving while navigating his wife’s ongoing health journey. With a message of hope, faith, and perseverance, this episode offers practical encouragement for caregivers and anyone seeking to stand firm in the midst of life’s challenges.
peterrosenberger.com
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares deeply personal insights from decades of caregiving, including his ongoing journey with his wife, Gracie, who recently underwent another major surgery. Broadcasting from Denver, he reflects on the struggles caregivers face—physical, emotional, and spiritual—and emphasizes the importance of standing on solid ground amidst the chaos. Through scriptural wisdom, personal anecdotes, and hard-earned experience, Peter challenges caregivers to ask themselves, What do you believe? He discusses the necessity of sound theology in sustaining caregivers for the long haul and highlights the importance of anchoring faith in God’s unchanging grace.
Peter also provides an update on Gracie’s recovery, sharing both the challenges and victories in her rehabilitation process. With humor and heartfelt reflection, he discusses the fear of pain, the need for self-care, and how caregivers can find strength in their faith. From practical advice to scriptural encouragement, this episode offers a powerful reminder that if He is Lord at all, He is Lord of all. Tune in for a dose of wisdom, encouragement, and a few good laughs along the way.
In this episode of Hope for the Caregiver, Peter Rosenberger shares an intimate look at life in the hospital with Gracie as she prepares for another major surgery. He discusses the challenges of acute caregiving, the comfort found in deep friendships, and the humor that sustains them through tough times. With reflections on faith, perseverance, and the importance of staying healthy as a caregiver, Peter also shares insights from Gracie’s latest blog post on chronic pain and her upcoming book. Plus, he explores the significance of prioritizing care and how caregivers can navigate difficult choices.
Caregiving is tough—but a little humor goes a long way! In this episode, I dive into the Caregiver FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt), share a few hospital misadventures, and remind you why laughter is one of the best survival tools for caregivers. Plus, a chat with Gracie from her hospital room—where she somehow still finds ways to make fun of me after her 87th surgery. (I’m fine. Thanks for asking.)
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or just need a good laugh to break the tension, this episode is for you!
From the opening monologue with "The Caregiver Keyboard," where I discuss identity loss and family caregivers, we cover a lot of ground in this episode. In the B Block, I share lessons learned from Montana Winters. In the C BLOCK, I share a story I've always loved about people who "Sang on the Lawn." In the D Block, I share what's about to happen to Gracie this week.
www.peterrosenberger.com
Sue brings this message through all her offerings as a speaker, leadership coach, caregiving influencer, educator, and author. These include her online course, The Caregiver’s Journey, and her book Our Journey of Love 5 Steps to Navigate Your Caregiving Journey, which walks family caregivers through their entire caregiving journey. Her program, Leadership C.A.R.E.S., helps businesses address the growing crisis in family caregiving. Intentionally Navigating Transitions is a six-week process for individuals to successfully navigate change in their lives.
For more information, please visit https://thecaregiversjourney.com/ or email sue@sueryan.solutions
And, to view the TEDx talk, please visit: https://tinyurl.com/SueRyanTEDxTalk1 xxx
TO:
Sue Ryan, ACC, CCA™
Co-Founder, The Caregiver’s Journey™
Sue Ryan and her husband were already several years into his journey with Alzheimer’s disease when the pandemic hit in 2020. Given her experience taking care of loved ones including her father and grandmother who had dementia, she naively thought she was well-equipped for this new challenge. Then Covid-created lockdowns occurred and her carefully managed system of support collapsed, just as her husband’s Covid diagnosis arrived. Already working as a coach and advocate since 2014, Sue dug deep into her wells of support and pulled through, learning and sharing as she went. It was her sharing that caught the attention of her peer in the technology world, Nancy Treaster. Together they committed to dedicating themselves and their significant acumen to the task of creating a candid and practical lifeline for caregivers. Thus, The Caregiver’s Journey was born.
In their engaging podcasts, Nancy and Sue offer solutions for caregivers facing challenging issues such as taking away car keys, safety and incontinence. By addressing these uncomfortable topics directly, they also foster a sense of community that is often difficult for caregivers to find.
Today, Sue is a change strategist, speaker, author, podcaster and executive coach who empowers caregivers and leaders to maximize their potential. With more than 40 years of experience as a business professional while also navigating a variety of caregiving roles, she guides families to become confident, balanced, and supported on their caregiving journey. She also guides businesses to navigate the global crisis of family caregiving in business so both the organization and their valued working caregivers thrive.
Sue has authored/co-authored five bestsellers, created an award-winning online course for caregivers, is a certified hospice volunteer and caregiver advocate. Sue is a professional speaker including, TEDx, DisruptHR, and Vistage International. Sue lives in Naples, Fla., where she and her husband made their home until his passing in 2023.
For more information and to view the podcasts, please visit https://thecaregiversjourney.com/ or email sue@thecaregiversjourney.com.
Well, we're into a new year, 2025. What do you think so far? Are we off to a rousing start? Are any of you dreading a new year?
We've got some painful things coming our way this year and this month. And I'm not necessarily looking forward to it. Gracie certainly isn't.
But at the same time, each day is an opportunity. And each year is an opportunity.
In his letter to the church at Rome, the Apostle Paul urged: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Can we do this as caregivers - when it seems there is conflict around every corner?
Absolutely. In this episode, I talk about what that looks like. Plus, we have the "Caregiver Keyboard" fired up!
www.peterrosenberger.com
From Hope for the Caregiver's Broadcast 12/21
A Block: "Then Pealed The Bells More Loud and Deep"
B Block: A Higher View of God
C Block: Caregivers and a loved one with mental illness
D. Block: Gracie- Silent Night
From Hope for the Caregiver's broadcast 12/14/2024
A Block: Psalm 13
B Block: Angels We Have Heard On High (Caregiver Keyboard)
C Block: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Let Nothing You Dismay)
D Block: Caregiver Authority
Think of the most resilient person you know.
Now, allow me to introduce my cousin Meredith Harris to you.
Meredith recently shared her story at her church - and I was so moved and proud of her that I wanted to share it with as many people as possible. Take a listen, and I know you'll feel the same way.
Christians are called to be salt and light in our culture, but the American church has grown apathetic in the stewardship of our rights and liberties. On this episode of Truth Talk Live, I invited Bunni Pounds, founder and president of Christians Engaged to discuss the importance of voting and what her organization is doing to educate on this topic from a Biblical viewpoint.
Each week I host a live program on the Truth Network that features a wide variety of topics.
This episode opens with a discussion on Forgiveness, and then my interview with Aaron Tornquist for Down syndrome Awareness Month.
I recently attended the 75th birthday party for Joni Eareckson Tada - and shared the lessons and inspiration I received from that wonderful event.
Plus, I close the program with a special tribute to a dear friend who is now with the Lord.
Each Weds' I host a live program titled TRUTH TALK LIVE. In this episode, I interviewed Chad and James Hampton from Huntin' the Truth" Ministry.
Plus on the last block of this program I talked about celebrating Joni Eareckson Tada's 75th birthday and the impact she's had on Gracie and me.
"A passion for God and hunting: these two passions have shaped the lives and ministries of Pastors Chad and James Hampton. Teaching men and women principles from their nationally recognized book “Secretes of the Hunt” on how to ‘hunt’ for God like they hunt for animals is at the center of the “Huntin the Truth Ministries” that was established in 2005. Chad and James travel across the United States and speak at seminars, wild game dinners, hunting camps, prayer breakfasts, youth, young adult, men’s ministry, and outdoor events, along with preaching in churches."
Jochen (Jack)( Wurfl (92) shares his astonishing story of losing his family in the holocaust, coming to America, and his thoughts on patriotism, freedom, Israel, anti-semitism, and life.
Jack was born in 1932 in Germany to his Jewish mother and Catholic father, and lived in Austria until 1936. Anticipating Hitler's invasion of Austria, his parents sent Jack and his brother, Peter, back to Germany to live with their Jewish grandparents in Berlin.
As Hitler's persecution of the Jews intensified, Jack's grandfather sneaked the boys into hiding at a children's summer camp in the resort village of Dangast, 200 miles northwest of Berlin on the North Sea. The camp was operated by a brave and sympathetic German woman named Irma Franzen-Heinrichsdorff.
Jack and Peter lived with "Tante Irma" for twelve years, where they survived bombing raids, SS police surveillance, and food shortages. Their mother died in Auschwitz. Their father, a political prisoner in the Mauthausen concentration camp, died shortly after his liberation after World War II ended.
As a caregiver, if you go to church - why?
If not, why not?
I know what scripture says about church, but I am asking you as a caregiver: why are you doing it or not doing it?
In this episode I discuss this and what church means to me - along with some improvement opportunities when it relates to those who suffer - and those who care for them.
My father lived an exceptional life - and in this episode I share a bit from his life, service, and legacy.
"Rev. Rosenberger leaves an extraordinary legacy of service to God, family, and country. He tirelessly ministered to lives in distress and pointed them to the Savior he served so faithfully. His entire ministry can be encapsulated by the text from one of his favorite hymns:
There is a balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole. There is a balm in Gilead, to heal the sin-sick soul. If you can't preach like Peter, if you can't pray like Paul, Just tell the love of Jesus, and say He died for all. - Balm in Gilead
The list of lives touched through Rev. Rosenberger's ministry is lengthy and will continue to extend for years to come.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." - 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Today's a great day to start living a healthier life as a caregiver, but where do you start?
- You start with this episode!
"I've found that if I chase healthiness, happiness chases me."
www.PeterRosenberger.com
A friend called and asked about his Sunday School class taking on a family dealing with a five-year medical crisis. He mentioned they wanted to bring them meals and clean their home. He asked me what I thought.
I quickly told him, “There’s a better way!"
We discussed this and more on this episode of Hope for the Caregiver. (And we head to the "Caregiver Keyboard!"
A powerful analogy between the chaos at the southern border and the personal consequences of not maintaining clear boundaries. Those who oppose boundaries often do so because they benefit from their absence. Failing to establish and maintain boundaries doesn't make us victims—it makes us volunteers. I explore how beliefs shape our approach to boundaries, urging listeners to take responsibility for protecting what matters most in their lives.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
A Match Made In Heaving
August 16th is our anniversary, and I'd like to take a moment to share the story of how Gracie and I met. This tale has it all: romance, humor, a bit of horror, and a lot of love.
We had mutual friends at Belmont University who thought we should meet. I was a senior, though my transfer credits were all messed up, so I didn't graduate that year. Gracie had just returned to school after recovering from a severe car wreck. When they told me she had a wreck, I didn't have any frame of reference. I had never been in a relationship with someone who was hurt. They said, "She had a pretty bad wreck, and she's back now after a year of recovering." I thought, "Okay, how bad can it be?"
I found out soon enough when she came down the walkway at the Student Center. She was a vocal performance major, and I studied composition and piano. This girl was beautiful, but she had a significant limp. She walked up to me, having heard about me, and wanted to test me out. I stood to greet her, and she said, "Can I put my feet up in your lap?" Odd question, right? But I said okay.
Her feet swelled when she sat, so she had to prop them up. She later informed me that she plopped her feet in my lap to see how I'd handle it. The first of many times she pushed the envelope with me to see how I would cope. Click to read the rest at peterrosenberger.com
From 07/20/202
Discussing the assassination attempt on President Trump., the challenges within the culture - and Scripture's directive to believers.
From the 07/13/2024 broadcast:
Opening Monologue: This is a bigger problem than we think it is.
B and C Block: Mike Flynn brings a powerful conversation about listening.
D Block: When you can't see BECAUSE of the Forest and Trees.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Contact Mike Flynn FlynnMike01@gmail.com
This last hospital stay (which took two months) did me in. I put on way too much weight, and after many conversations with our friend, Dale Richardson - I finally did something about it. More than 36 pounds later - and on my way to my goal of losing 50 -Dale and I discussed the process, changes, mindset, and benefits.
www.richerhealthforyou.com
There's more at www.peterrosenberger.com
While a change of scenery can ease the heartache and struggles of our lives, it’s pointless if we pack our resentments and bitterness for the trip. We live ninety miles north of one of the most beautiful places in the world: Yellowstone National Park. Yet, despite Yellowstone National Park’s pristine and soul-stirring beauty, visitors still bring their drama to the faraway fields of bison and Old Faithful. A sad set of statistics for the world’s first national park is the number of drunk drivers and domestic abuse cases handled yearly.
Park rangers will undoubtedly affirm that people pack their strife with them—misery’s jurisdiction doesn’t end at any park’s borders.
It’s hard to imagine saving up all year long and going to the trouble of traveling so far, only to end up standing in front of one of the federal judges in the park.
While tempted to express disapproval of those arrested for such things in Yellowstone Park, how is that different for many caregivers who think a change of scenery—or circumstances—can serve as an antidote for discord?
Yet, if misery can be carried, it can also be put down.
There is no vacation destination that will cure bitterness. The spectacular cannot accomplish what we refuse to implement. We can better appreciate the beauty in different locations once we choose to experience them in our current situation.
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness
while they snub contentment.
— Doug Larson
The Truth Network invited me to guest host their live program on 06/28/2004 - which deals with current events, politics, and Theology. Since the debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump was the hot issue - I weighed in, but from a caregiver's point of view. Plus, I took a few calls.
PeterRosenberger.com
"No matter what the circumstances, we Christians should keep our heads. God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind. It is a dismal thing to see a son of heaven cringe in terror before the sons of earth." - AW TOZER
All too many caregivers feel pulled in so many directions that we second guess ourselves - while listening to those we shouldn't. In this episode, I share how our experience becomes a more reliable voice of counsel.
Dr. Dan Scott joins me for a special conversation about the Church and caring for the mentally ill - and their families.
PastorDanScott.com
Dan Scott was born in Southern West Virginia in 1953. As the son of foreign missionaries, from his mid-teens, he lived in various places throughout South and Central America. After his marriage to Trish, he lived in Montreal, Quebec until 1983. In 1984, they moved to Nashville, Tennessee, where, except for a ten-year period in Phoenix, Arizona, they have lived since. He and Trish have two daughters and six grandchildren.
Dan has a Masters in Humanities from California State, a Masters in Psychology from Ottawa University, and a Doctor of Ministry from Lipscomb University. He is the author of several books, including the critically acclaimed The Emerging American Church and has pastored two Evangelical megachurches. He is an ordained Anglican priest and now works part time as a spiritual director for a mental health facility in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.
Gracie was invited to sing for the President of the United States years ago. While the event was certainly memorable and exciting, what happened a few weeks later provided a seminal moment for me as a caregiver.
Ever been on a cattle drive in Montana?
I got to do this last week, and it was awesome. As caregivers, not every day will be filled with excitement and joy, but that doesn't mean we won't ever have days that lift our hearts, make us grin, and even make us feel exuberant.
See more at peterrosenberger.com
One only has to see the news for five minutes, and the all too easy trap of enabling reveals its ugly head - a trap many caregivers understand.
What can be done - what's our responsibility?
I discuss that and more in this Hope for the Caregiver episode.
Get Involved
There’s nothing quite like caring for someone with challenges or impairments to expose the gunk in one’s soul. Regardless of our best intentions, when selfishness rears its ugly head, our jaws can quickly tighten—and our fists clench.
As a pianist, my hands must always remain open to make beautiful music. As caregivers, what kind of music do we forfeit when resentment curls our hands into fists?
Try pushing a wheelchair with clenched fists. (Not with your loved one in it—use an empty one!) It’s challenging to do so. Clenched fists accomplish few tasks; it seems fighting is the only suitable task for them.
Caregiving will push all our buttons. People who tell you differently haven’t done it long enough. Yet, in those moments when seeing our character defects, we can remind ourselves to unclench our fists—and hearts—and allow beautiful music to flow from our souls. [AV1]
Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go. —Unknown
[AV1]
My friend once jokingly called me "America's Caregiver," and while it seemed over-the-top, the concept stuck with me.
As I watch our nation grapple with profound challenges—such as the porous southern border leading to illegal immigration, our staggering national debt, and a growing disconnect from what it means to be American—I can't help but draw parallels between the principles that sustain family caregivers and those that could fortify our entire nation.
In this episode, we explore how those fundamental principles that guide family caregivers can be applied to address these critical issues.
Consider the principle of boundaries: just as caregivers must maintain healthy boundaries in every relationship, does that concept translate to illegal immigration effectively while upholding our values of compassion and security?
Or take finances: Caregivers face immense financial challenges, and budgets become paramount in our lives. Likewise, America must confront its national debt with determination and long-term planning to secure our economic future.
Lastly, the concept of American identity: caregivers understand how easy it is to lose one's identity. Similarly, our nation now grapples with what it truly means to be American.
Join me as we delve into specific strategies and actionable insights that can empower us to navigate these pressing challenges and equip our nation to become healthier. Just like healthy caregivers make better caregivers, healthy nations make better nations.
From a major milestone to "the secret of triumph" to precision pastoring, we cover quite a bit of ground in this Hope for the Caregiver episode.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Losing her tennis phenom mother to cancer at 12 years old, Cindy felt God was punishing her by allowing her mom to die.
A few years later, a friend helped her understand the Gospel - and that knowledge grew to a sustaining faith when cancer once again invaded Cindy's life.
www.brinkersimmons.com
Recall a situation where you witnessed an adult overreacting. Did it catch you off-guard? Did it make you uneasy? A psychiatrist friend once shared a valuable insight with his team: "When you see a patient overreact or act out, always remember there's a story behind that behavior."
Understanding this 'story' is crucial for caregivers dealing with individuals exhibiting frenetic or hyper behavior, as it allows them to approach the situation with empathy and patience.
Adults don't lose self-control in a vacuum—there's a build-up and a story behind their behavior. When caregivers find themselves in the unpleasant predicament of engaging an individual with frenetic or hyper behavior, it's helpful to remember that the behavior is more significant than the moment.
Reminding ourselves that "there's a story" enables us to speak to the deeper issues driving the outburst—which often requires assurance rather than reason. Arguing with a long-term wound is futile. Caring for that wound and its symptoms remains a more effective response. As caregivers, we encounter those panicking about pocket-sized problems. Outbursts of a temporary or minor problem are rooted in a long journey that could stretch back a lifetime. Detaching from the immediate eruption allows us to understand better and address the volcanic turbulence behind the explosion.
However, it starts with us remembering, "If it's hysterical, it's historical" - and there's always a story behind the behavior.
We are not makers of history. We are made by history. —Martin Luther King Jr.
Kelly O'Connor joined my program today to discuss how she's helping families navigate the complexity of caregiving - particularly with seniors.
Kelly and Gracie grew up together - and Kelly is one of us. Not only does she have SIGNIFICANT caregiving experience, but look what she's done with it.
With specialized certifications in Gerontology, Dementia Care, and Life Coaching and a master's degree in Spiritual Psychology, Kelly brings over 14 years of dedicated experience to the table. Having assisted nearly 2,000 individuals and their families, her insights are a treasure trove for those navigating the complexities of aging. Whether it's providing caregiver coaching or empowering older adults to embrace their next chapter, she offers compassionate guidance rooted in profound expertise. Join us as we delve into her wealth of knowledge and discover how she's transforming lives one conversation at a time. Connect with her and explore the possibilities at Calendly - Kelly O'Connor, MA, CSA, CPRS, CDP
Get on her calendar for a conversation - no strings attached. Tell her I sent you, and you can trust her. She really knows what she's doing - and has helped a lot of folks through some rough patches.
https://calendly.com/kellyoconnor
Following the loss of her own legs, Gracie resolved to provide quality prosthetic limbs for fellow amputees. In 2005, she and I developed a unique partnership with the Ghana Health Service to train and equip local workers to fabricate limbs for their own people. We call it Standing With Hope.
Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to “never put Mom in a nursing home.” When making that promise, most recall healthier times when the thought of entering a facility seemed far on the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances.
The promise’s tether can quickly transform into a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction—and overpowered by guilt.
Despite the promise’s sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplishes. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one as best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur—and help must be enlisted.
The challenge for caregivers is seeking counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths regularly. As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. —Dolly Parton
FROM: A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - WHEN EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE MONDAY
When Carole Leathem’s husband, Bill, first began his battle with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, she had no idea years of rejection and identity issues would come to a head. After all, when you’re the wife of a senior pastor, there are certain expectations that come with it. Imperfection and mental illness are not among them.
Visit Carole's Site: https://www.thecaretakersjourney.com/
Get Carole's Book
A close pastor friend of mine called me after burying his beloved dog. While digging the hole, he wept while angrily reflecting on how much he hated death. The conversation turned to the countless funerals he presided over during his ministry—I played the piano for many of those services. We talked a bit longer about some of the cherished families we ministered to during those funerals and discussed our shared anger at death. Then he said something that’s never left me.
“Do you know who hates death more?”
“God hates death,” he stated quietly.
Pausing, he added, “He hates it so much that He took it upon Himself to provide a way to defeat death.”
When Jesus stood at His friend Lazarus’s grave, John 11:38 shares that He was “deeply moved.” Some translations state that anger welled up in Jesus—anger at death.
Mere weeks after standing at Lazarus’s tomb, on what we celebrate as Easter Sunday, Jesus indeed conquered death, but at an immeasurable cost to Himself.
“Please—Aslan,” said Lucy, “can anything be done to save Edmund?”
“All shall be done,” said Aslan. “But it may be harder than you think.” —C. S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
From the challenges of finding one's footing in music to navigating the fog of fear and obligation, we explore the caregiver's journey - and what happens when we lose our way. How do we get back on track?
Listen for a compelling discussion shedding light on the struggles and triumphs of caring for a loved one.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Winston Churchill stated, "We are masters of unsaid words and slaves to those we let slip out."
As caregivers, we live in a pressure cooker - and often spout off things we wish we could reclaim. Sometimes, we have to bite our tongues and learn to like the taste of blood. In this opening monologue from the program, I discuss this issue that affects everyone - it is the human condition - but we, as caregivers, can be exceptionally prone to this.
TRANSCRIPT (there may be typos)
Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
This is the program for you as a family caregiver.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers and this program is designed to help the family caregiver stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not.
If that describes you, well guess what?
You're in the right place.
Hope for the Caregiver.com
For me, that's a big deal for me.
I mean, you know, it's not Joe Rogan or anything, but for me, I was really quite stunned because years ago when I started doing this program, people looked at me and said, how in the world are you going to talk about caregivers for an hour?
How are you going to do this for an hour?
I was literally asked that by friends of mine.
I mean, people who were very successful in what they do, and they said, this is not going to work.
And then, I told you, the radio station that I've originally talked to, they said, we don't see this as being a viable program.
Well, here we are.
And by the way, that was in 2011.
Here we are 13 years later, 800-something episodes, almost 250,000 downloads, and we're just getting warmed up because this issue is not going to go away.
If You Love Somebody, You Will Most Likely Be a Caregiver.
If You Live Long Enough, You Will Need One.
It is the human condition.
I was watching on social media the other day, somebody posted a thing, said, what is something you really need as a caregiver?
You know, it was really kind of emotional and I appreciate that.
That's good.
And I was like, I just need somebody to tell me where my grocery list is.
Where are my keys?
Where's my wallet?
You know,
I appreciate people getting very sensitive about it you know and we all get emotional we all get frustrated all that kind of stuff but I mean I don't need to sit down and watch the Hallmark Channel and kind of cry it out you know I'm just not there maybe you are I'm not I'm approaching the end of four decades of this you know and as I as 39 years ago in May I went through my first surgery with Gracie
So I've been doing this for a long time and there's a point where this is your life and you don't really spend a lot of time trying to emote about it.
It is what it is.
Let's move on.
What can we do?
What can we accomplish?
And how can I get better through this?
How can I become better?
What can I become through this?
Not how do I get out of it?
What can I become through this?
How Can I Go Deeper?
And that brings me to today's caregiver quote.
Our caregiver quote comes from the very quotable Winston Churchill.
You all know I'm a fan.
Very few world leaders have the place in history that Winston Churchill does and had the impact
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
While those words remain in our mind, we're still in control of them.
But once they come out, they own us for good or bad.
And it's something worthy of our consideration as caregivers.
We live with enormous amounts of stress.
And on any given day, at any given time, we could be rather brittle.
Surely I'm not the only one.
I mean, raise a hand.
How many of you all get brittle at times?
So it's easy to pop off and say things we really wish we hadn't have said.
Now let's go deeper because as great as Churchill is, there's one greater.
Matthew 12, 36, he said, I tell you, on the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak.
That's the words of Jesus.
And all throughout the scriptures, you'll see Proverbs 10, 19, when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
When words are many,
I think one translation says instead of transgression is not lacking, it says when words are many, sin abounds.
But you get the point.
Proverbs 13.3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life.
He who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
James 1.26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.
These are strong words, and these are not the only ones in Scripture that talk about letting your mouth run off, popping off and saying things that you wish you hadn't.
One stark and very tragic story is in the book of Judges, chapter 11, and there's this guy named Jephthah, who's a mighty warrior.
And if you look at Judges 11, verse 30, And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord, If you give the Ammonites into my hand, he's chasing down the Ammonites, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return and triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord's, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.
And he laid waste to the Ammonites.
I mean, he really did an amazing job, and he's pretty excited about it.
He comes home.
Who should come out to meet him but his daughter?
and when he saw her verse 35 he tore his clothes and cried oh no my daughter you have brought me down and I am devastated I have made a vow to the Lord that I cannot break and evidently he did not
Offer Her as a Burnt Offering, but he sacrificed to the Lord that she would never marry.
This was his only child, and she never married.
And it was a devastating moment.
He had spoken rashly.
Scripture warns us of this, of speaking rashly.
I got to tell you, my fellow caregivers, we are under an enormous amount of strain daily.
There's too many things competing for shelf space in our brain and our mouth just serves as a pressure valve to let some of that out and we say things that we really, really should not say.
I am chief among those who do that and I have to make amends on a regular basis, Gracie will tell you, and I cringe over all of it.
I'd like to tell you I'm getting better.
Maybe a little bit.
I'm getting older.
Maybe a little wiser.
I don't know.
But the one thing I do know now is where the path is.
I am not a slave to ignorance on this.
I have scripture.
I have quotes from world leaders like Churchill.
I have a plethora, which means a lot, you know.
Sorry, that's an old joke.
I have so many resources now that I can lean on instead of my own understanding to guide me, to help me remind myself to put my hand over my mouth and not say things that I'll be a slave to.
Not Say Things That I'm Going to Regret.
I've never had to make amends for something I didn't say, but I've sure had to make amends for things I did say.
And so I love this quote from Churchill.
I thought it was a good way to start the program out.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
As a caregiver, I am learning to put my hand over my mouth a little bit more.
I've got a long ways to go.
But I know the path and that is hope for the caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
This is the program for you as a family caregiver.
Hopeforthecaregiver.com.
Host of the popular podcast Nutshell Sermons, recording artist Bryan Duncan (Grammy and Dove award winner) shares his journey as a caregiver for his wife - and his book,
"Dear God ...Really? Prayers You Won't Hear in Church.
As caregivers, we often must make decisions that benefit the whole unit - not Just one person. We get into the trap as caregivers where we're thinking of someone almost to the exclusion of everyone else,. I understand why - because that person has extreme needs. But as a caregiver, YOU are meeting many of those extreme needs. What happens if you don't consider the person meeting the extreme needs? You must think of the whole unit. SHOW TRANSCRIPT: (May Contain Typos) If you feel that you are operating out of guilt or fear or any of those things, what kind of decisions are you going to make? See, that's the whole point of this program. I'm not here to give caregiving tips. We'll have them. I mean, you can't help but have them. We're going to talk about it. We'll swerve into all kinds of things, whether it's, you know, handicap-accessible features or taking up the throw rugs or how to deal with an insurance company, how to deal with doctors. Yeah, we'll cover all that. I got that. Okay. But how many of us make good decisions when we are gripped with fear, guilt, or obligation? And how long do you think you can make decisions if you feel obligated to do this, you feel trapped to do this, you feel like this is what you're supposed to do? How long before that turns into full-blown resentment? How many of you are already there? That you're struggling with this right now and you just feel resentful. And I took a temperature of our Facebook group the other day. In one word, describe how you feel. And you see the dynamics of what people are dealing with. They're afraid, they're worn out, they're mad, they're exhausted, depressed. It's all over the map. How Many Good Decisions Are Made With Those Kinds Of Feelings? And then we have to have an anchor point that helps us make good decisions, regardless of what we're feeling or, sometimes, what we're seeing with our very eyes. What I mean by that is many of us have to look at suffering and we cannot allow that suffering to dictate good decision making. We have to think clearly. We have to detach from that somewhat. They're depending on us to do it. I mean, think about when you're in a situation when you're hurting; how many good decisions do you make when you've sprained your ankle or broken your leg or fallen and got yourself cut or whatever? You're kind of almost in panic mode sometimes when you get to that level of trauma. How many good decisions are you making? Well, that's the same point that our loved ones have to deal with, and they count on us to do it. But if we are so paralyzed is a good word, but it's not just paralyzed. If we're so encumbered by all these other things, whether it be fear, obligation to guilt, resentment, terror, or any of those things, what are you going to do? Somebody has got to step back away from that and have a clear head. And if you don't do it as a caregiver for your loved one, who is in line behind you to do it? So that's our reality. Somebody has got to keep a cool head. Now that's hard to do. And I would suggest to you that you can't do it on your own. You're going to need help to do this. And that's why this program is anchored in what Scripture says. What does God say? Now, I promise you, I've looked. There is no place in Scripture where I have found any type of clear instructions on how to deal as a husband caring for his wife For Somebody with 86 Surgeries, Both Legs Amputated, and Going on for 40 Years. I've looked. It ain't in there. Okay? Not there. But there are a lot of scriptures that talk about fear, feeling weary, guilt, anxiety, sorrow, depression, loneliness, All of those things are covered. And if God has this in his scriptures, in his word to us, people always say, well, I didn't know what God's will for my life is. He's already said it. And within the confines of his decreed word that we have, we are free to use the mind that he gave us. You know, some people overthink this. Well, what kind of job does God want me to have? What Kind of Job Do You Want? Does it line up with the values and the directives that he has in Scripture? Do you think God is going to want you to be a drug dealer? No? Okay, cross that off the list. I understand that's an absurd example, but sometimes you make your point with absurdity. We Don't Have to Overthink This. And I'll never forget a dear pastor friend of ours when Gracie and I were looking at a decision to have a pain pump put in her that was attached to her dura, and it worked for a while. Then it just went horribly wrong, but that's a longer story. But at the time, we were trying to figure out whether we should make this decision. And our pastor looked at her and said, there's no sin involved in this decision. You've done your due diligence. You've sat down and talked about this with the professionals, your doctor and so forth. There's no sin involved in this. This is not a moral equation here. We're within the confines of Scripture. We're not violating any of God's precepts. And I would suggest the same applies across the board for all of us as caregivers when we're making decisions as long as we understand the parameters of what God says. And we use that to guide us in our decision-making. Being good stewards of money, being kind and considerate, thoughtful, committing it to prayer, All of these things are involved as you make this decision that you may have to make unilaterally for the betterment of the unit. Understand this, you may be making that decision, but if you are standing on the principles of God's Word, you're not making that decision in a vacuum. You're not leaning on your own understanding. You will acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths. Now the question is for us as caregivers, Do We Believe That or Not? Is that something that is going to be anchored in our soul or not? And I ask you, my fellow caregivers, would you be willing to do that with your decision-making? When we do that, that is hope for the caregiver, that conviction that we can live a calmer, healthier, and, dare I say it, a more joyful life, even while serving as a caregiver and making hard decisions. Okay, we'll talk about that some more, but sometimes we have to make decisions unilaterally on what's best for the unit.
Comedian and long-time Sinatra pal Tommy Dreesen tells a wonderful story about Frank Sinatra and a pair of cufflinks. This story has a powerful lesson for all of us, but particularly for those of us serving as caregivers. This and more from our broadcast on March 9, 2024
“None of this belongs to us, and as soon as we die, someone else is going to get it. It's going to transfer. Somebody will be wearing our stuff, driving our car, living in our home, and living on our land.” - Frank Sinatra
When I launched a caregiver outreach, I established a goal to help provide caregivers with a vocabulary that helped identify their feelings and needs. Without understanding, help remains elusive.
In this bonus segment from our broadcast, I provide two unusual examples of how caregivers feel on any given day. I do this to not only give fellow caregivers that understanding, but those who seek to help them, as well.
Covering a lot of ground in this episode as I delve into how we choose to view our circumstances as caregivers in light of what Scripture teaches.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
For several years, Pat Montague has produced my broadcast, Hope for the Caregiver. I recently talked with her about her own journey as a caregiver.
“I have learned that leaning on the Lord for whatever he has in store is much more comfortable than resisting, fighting, and railing against what I don't like.
I would have not chosen amputation for my husband, I'll be honest. He had other options that he could have taken, but I was astounded when he made that decision.I didn't agree with it at the time. Now I certainly do.
But leaning into the Lord and saying, Father, whatever you have, I will submit myself to it.
Being willing to do that makes a huge difference in how things come out because they're not the same thing.
You can rail and fight, and you're not going to change your perspective.
You're not going to change your circumstances for any amount of money.
And so yielding and just saying, Lord, have your way and help me to accept it have been huge lessons for me.
And it has not come easy because, yes, I've always known I had that part of my personality that I was willing to go toe-to-toe when I knew I was right.”
TRANSCRIPT:
This is the program for you as a family caregiver.
Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
Hopeforthecaregiver.com.
You know about that last block, I ought to have a thing where you guys, y'all send us some lyrics for the song.
Maybe we'll figure out which one's the best one, and I'll get Gracie to sing it when she starts getting better.
What do you think?
Because she said, Gracie was very worried.
She said, look, I've got to get my voice into shape.
I said, well, you've got time, darling.
You're just now three months out of surgery, so give yourself a little bit of grace here.
And yet, it would be kind of fun to have her sing this song.
This is the theme for Peter's show.
All right, enough of that frivolity and jocularity.
I've been having a conversation ongoing with several different caregivers in the midst of their caregiving and I've challenged them and I'm going to challenge you because I've challenged myself.
I do not subscribe to this belief that we as caregivers wait until the circumstances of our loved ones change before we start changing.
You all know that.
If you've listened to this show for any amount of time, you're going to know that the point is that we change no matter what's going on around us.
That we can improve.
We can get healthier.
And I recognize that we are constrained
by Our Journey As Caregivers.
I get that.
I really get that.
Now, let me give you some context.
I've been a caregiver since I was 22.
I asked Gracie to marry me when I was 22 years old.
Bless her heart for her lack of judgment.
But here we are, 38 years later.
During that entire time, I have been her caregiver.
Now, some days have not been quite as dire as others.
And then some days have been extremely dire.
I mean, when you have the kind of journey we've had.
So at some point, and I can't remember exactly when, but I had to make a pivotal decision that this is not going to change.
So therefore I must.
I kept thinking if we could just get around that corner, if we could just get over that hill, then...
I can be settled and content and learn to be productive.
This is what's holding me back.
And so we've got to get through this.
And I would strive towards this.
I'm not by any means proud of these things.
I mean, I'm horrifically embarrassed by it.
But I'm sharing these things with you because I believe that so many of you have those same kind of feelings.
If we could just get through this, if he would just stop doing this, if she would just stop doing this, if we could just get mama onto Jesus, if we could just, if, if, if, if, if, then I could be productive, then I could be at peace, then I could be successful, all of those things.
Now, if I'm the only one that has had this internal conversation
So be it.
But I don't think I am.
All right?
So if you've had this internal conversation, then I'm talking to you.
Okay?
This is for you.
This is just you and me now.
Two people who have had these types of thoughts that have weighed heavy on us and it's changed our behavior.
It's forced us into a pattern of
striving and and unsettledness unrest angst that is at times overpowering okay so just so we're on the same page just you and me all right here's what happened with me once I made that decision that this is my life this is the way it is it's not going to change anytime soon
I cannot affect what has happened to Gracie.
I didn't cause it.
I can't change it.
All I can do is care for her in this.
And the best way to care for her is to make sure that I am productive, healthy, spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, professionally, all of the above.
You've heard me say it now hundreds of times.
Healthy caregivers
Make better caregivers.
I am no good to Gracie if I am fat, broken, miserable.
I am no good to Gracie if I stroke out.
I cannot guarantee that things won't happen to me, but I live my life in a way to protect that so that I don't take unnecessary risk.
The other day I went out on a snowmobile after feeding the horses.
I feed the horses on, I have a little sled that I pull behind the snowmobile and I feed the horses, pull the hay out there and it's great.
Quite enjoyable, I must say.
And then I decided to take a ride around just to check out all the new snow and everything else here on the place.
I texted our son and I said, look, if you don't hear from me in an hour, call the guy down the road.
His name is Kevin.
He'll come out and he'll come find me.
But I told him where I was going.
Well, now, a lot of people don't think that way, but I have to.
Gracie can't
Take care of yourself right now.
And she needs to know where I am.
Somebody needs to know where I am in case something happens.
Things can happen out here in Montana on the frozen tundra.
There's no lifeguard on duty.
So I don't take stupid chances.
This Mental Shift Changed My Journey As Caregiver
But the purpose of this conversation right now is not to say that I am constrained because I don't feel like I am.
I am tethered.
I am tethered to this situation with Gracie and I have been since I was 22.
That's not going to change until one of us steps into glory.
Okay?
Those are the facts.
We're just going to deal with facts.
I am tethered to this, but I'm not hostage to it.
I'm not prisoner to it.
And I think this is the mindset that I would like for my fellow caregivers to understand is that we can accept that we're tethered, that this is part of it, but we're not hostage.
And within the arc of that tether, whatever that looks like for you and me, we can be productive.
So if you think about it is I have a tether to my ankle that's tethered to Gracie's wheelchair.
I will stretch that thing out as far as I can to be as productive within that circle around her.
And sometimes I have to move her so that I can have a bigger circle.
And I've done that and that's okay.
But I'm not hostage.
I don't spend my time trying to figure out how to cut the tether.
What I spend my time doing is how do I be productive given these particular realities in my life?
That was a huge mental shift for me.
Some people don't want to make that shift, and I get it.
Some people don't want to do that.
That's fine.
But I believe that there are many of you who are seeking something like that, who recognize that you're in a situation that is unchangeable,
And again, I've said this, I don't know how many times, I would love to tell you that I'm wise.
I would love to tell you that I'm spiritually mature, but we all know better.
I'm just tired.
It is exhausting to strive like this.
And when you get tired enough, you will be open to look at this from a different perspective.
Well, maybe this might be a better way to look at this.
You know, whatever that looks like.
And for me, that's exactly what happened.
And I realized that my invitation was to be productive where I was.
I love Jeremiah 29.
Everybody talks about Jeremiah 29 11.
This Mental Shift Changed My Journey As Caregiver
In Jeremiah 29, if you go back and read it, God is saying through Jeremiah, hey, look, I put you here.
The Israelites were in captivity in Babylon, and he said, you're not here to sit there and lament about this.
Build your house, plant your vineyards, get married, have kids, have grandkids.
I know where you are.
I know the plans I have for you, but you're going to stay right here until I'm ready to move you.
Preachers don't want to talk about that particular aspect unless they're having overcrowding problems at the church, because that's when people start to leave.
Nobody wants to hear that.
They want to hear God's going to get me out and give me my victory, give me my breakthrough.
He's already given you your breakthrough.
That was at the cross.
Now we're going to have some more understanding about this and that you can be productive right where you are, even as a caregiver.
And I will give you proof.
I've been a caregiver again since I was 22.
I have written four books, published books.
I have written hundreds of commentaries that have been published in Fox News, WebMD, USA Today, AARP, all kinds of stuff.
I have the nation's largest podcast for caregivers.
I think, from what I understand, the world's largest podcast.
I have the world's largest broadcast here on this network for family caregivers.
I have managed a medical nightmare that is well over now $15 million.
with a hundred plus doctors, 13 different hospitals, seven different insurance companies.
And it's ongoing.
It's relentless.
I cook, I clean, I do the laundry.
I can, I iron, you know, y'all know I love to iron.
I love to iron.
I ironed a shirt this morning just to be able to come here to do this program.
I have produced two full length CDs.
I've written songs that not only have Gracie and I performed, but other people have recorded.
I have performed on stages with Gracie all over the country, on national television, all the above.
And I've done all of that while a caregiver.
Now, is it because I'm so special?
Well, I don't think so.
It's because I choose to believe the principle we discussed in the last block when that guy said at the caregiver support group, he's got this, answer the question.
Deal with the reality in front of us knowing that he's got this.
and it frees me up.
I don't have to strive over figuring out how this is going to all make sense.
I don't have to figure out how to solve Gracie's amputation problem or chronic pain problem or surgery problem.
I don't have to figure that out.
I can be productive today.
I don't have to wait to get over to the next hill.
I can do something today that has value.
Trusting that God's got this and it's okay.
Do you realize the burden that takes off of all of us?
And so I challenge you.
Many of you feel constrained and I get that feeling.
I truly get it.
I truly get it.
But what would happen if you just shifted that thought process just a little and thought, maybe I'm not constrained, maybe I'm just tethered, but inside this ark, God knows where I am and I could be productive and trust Him with all the other.
I can be obedient right where I am.
I can bloom where I'm planted.
That is hope for the caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger.
We'll be right back.
Recently, at a caregiver support group I lead, a man who is caring for his wife suffering from Alzheimer's, shared how she repeatedly peppers him with the same question.
"I sighed for a moment in my heart," he said. "And then I said to myself, 'He's got this; answer her question.'"
Listening to him, I thought, "What a tremendous statement of faith; to look at somebody who is suffering from Alzheimer's who asks the same question over and over ... and over.
He stopped himself from getting agitated and preached to himself.
"He's Got This. Answer her question."
That's a worthy goal for all of us to aspire to incorporate in our lives: recognizing that God has this, and we can meet others where they are - not where we wished they could be.
People become disoriented in the journey of caregiving.
Caregivers often think,
"Okay, if I could get them to stop acting like this, if I could just get through this next procedure; if we could just see if we could stop this particular thing from happening, then we can have the contentment and the peace and the satisfaction or the stability that we're craving."
How's that working for you?
How's that working for any of us?
It's like we have this stick out in front of us, dangling this carrot of things going how we want them to be, but we can never get to it.
And we're constantly striving for that because we see it.
And if it would just be this way, we'd be okay.
But see, that's the kind of thing promulgated in our society.
That is the conventional wisdom of this world.
"Get What You Want, Get What You Think You Need, and You Can Be Settled in Your Spirit, and You Can Be Happy, You Can Be Content."
That is in direct opposition to what Scripture teaches.
"Life hands us very difficult things. How we deal with those things and how we work through those things is what this program is all about. We do it in the arena of being a caregiver."
One of the greatest thefts to family caregivers comes from our own hearts. We often steal from the moment to regret the past—or fear the future. Although yesterday’s events may have arrived with tears and trauma, today remains an opportunity to calm our hearts and deal with current circumstances. As caregivers, we all know our tomorrows most likely show up with challenges—but unexpected joys may also arrive.
Surprising beauty awaits us along the way, yet we are sure to miss it when our focus extends behind or in front of us. None of this eliminates the grief we carry. However, healthily living in the present allows us to mourn while simultaneously resisting the fear, rage, and despair that often erupt during caregiving.
Although our independence, relationships, career paths, and even dreams inevitably suffer in our caregiving journey, peace of mind remains solidly in our hands. No one has the power to rob us of that composure—except ourselves.
We know what we are but know not what we may be.
—William Shakespeare
From: A Minute For Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday
Let Your Scars Speak, Not Your Wounds. One of the things that we've developed in our culture is this mentality of putting everything out there that doesn't need to be put out there. You know, you can blame it on Jerry Springer, but it actually goes back a lot further than that. But we have this, I don't know, there's some kind of sick fascination with getting out there and blurting out stuff that really needs to be kept private. and needs to be dealt with. And we as caregivers live with raw wounds. And the easy thing for us to do is just to blah and just get it all out there. Well, that's that needs to happen, but it needs to happen in a very contained, controlled and private place. OK, not, you know, out on social media. We used to have what we call Testimony Chapel when I was in Bible College many, many years ago. It became nicknamed Bragamony or Testifony. You always want to have that one individual who comes up and tries to win the contest of the most horrific story. Prayer Wars. What Prayer Request Was Given. There was always this one lady who would try to trumpet with some kind of just grotesque thing. You know, somebody had a car accident and their leg was broken. Well, she knew somebody, you know, fell off a skyscraper and the girder pierced them through the eye. And, you know, it just went on and on. And I'm not, y'all don't tell anybody what I'm saying. I'm not making fun of her in the sense that certainly I want to pray for people to have it, but it was just like there was always that one-upmanship of just having these things that we'd like to parade out. It's a sick way of getting attention. There are people who have been saved from horrific things in their life, and I know them. And all of us have sinned, and some of us have pretty sensational sins. But it's not how lurid the tale, it's how great the Savior. And so if we're not constantly affirming the redemptive work of Christ, but rather instead we're just dwelling on the sewer, then what are we doing? So when I hear that phrase, let your scar speak, not your wounds, you don't want to give a festering, angry wound a microphone. Okay. It needs to be treated by professionals. It needs to be worked on. You know, Gracie's had a lot of wounds. We've had a lot of wound care, wound care teams and so forth that just don't want to heal. And some of you know with diabetes and so forth, things in that nature don't want to heal. Gracie's had more trauma, she doesn't have diabetes, she has trauma, but it's hard to get things to heal sometimes. And that's when medical professionals zero in on that. They do all kinds of things to clean out the wound to make sure it's not infected or abscessed and all the things that are involved in cleaning a wound. How would you feel at church if somebody came up in front of the church and they pulled up their shirt and showed a festering wound on their abdomen or whatever? Well, it wouldn't be appropriate. And yet that's what a lot of us do emotionally. And we are in a culture that likes to show our festering wounds. They don't need to be paraded, they need to be treated by trained people who can help irrigate, clean, and let this wound scar over. Then once you have the scar, then you can let the scar speak because it's healed. You've dealt with it. You look back and say, you know, I remember when that was painful, but it's healed now and I'm so grateful. And let me tell you the healing process. And I had another friend that used to tell me years ago, Process the pain privately. Share the process publicly. Don't process your pain out there in public. It's not appropriate and it doesn't help anybody. You've heard me say this, some of you long-time listeners, about stand-up comedians. You can tell the ones who haven't worked through a lot of healing with some of the relationships they've had in their life and so they use their stage, they make money off of it, but it's, you know, it's It's harsh. It's abrasive. It's unpleasant. It's, you know, and that's not what we're about here. People can know that you're wounded. People can know that you are injured, but they don't get to see the graphic details. I liken it this way. Most everybody knows that it's related to us. I guess everybody knows that Gracie is an amputee. She's missing both of her legs below the knee. We all know that. Okay. But not everybody gets to see those limbs. You understand? So let your scars speak, not your wounds. It's discretion, it's wisdom, it's discernment. It's the core of both of those statements. Process your pain privately, share the process publicly. People need to know how to deal with the pain, but they don't need to have it all paraded out there in front of them. Now you all know that Gracie and I have a hard life. We have a very difficult life. It's not a bad life. It's just a very difficult life. Well, do you listen in to hear how hard my life is? No. You want to hear what am I learning through this and how am I growing and how am I enduring? What sustains us? That's what you want to hear. You don't want to hear me just sit there and talk about how painful our life is. I don't want to hear about your sins. I want to hear about your Redeemer. You follow me on that? And I think this is a trap we get into as caregivers because so much of what we feel is right up in front of us and it hurts all the time. And it's very easy and tempting for us to just vent it all out. And we need to vent it out. It needs to come out. Every abscessed wound needs to be cleaned out. Okay? but not in front of a crowd needs to be done in a controlled environment by people who understand how to do it. I don't want to go to church and have somebody come on the platform with an open festering infected abscess wound in front of everybody there. That needs to be done in private with professionals. But I do want to hear from somebody who has the scars of what it's like to go through that and have it healed and what they learned through it, how they grew through it, how they were sustained through it. And more importantly, who was the professional that helped him do it? And ultimately, the professional that heals all our wounds heals all our diseases. It's Christ. Nobody wants me to explain to them the graphic nature of Gracie's recent back surgery. But there are a lot of people who want to know, who was the surgeon? Who was the surgeon? And that's when your scars speak because you've gotten through it. Not your wounds speaking, your scars. That's when you're learning to share the process. And that's really important for us as caregivers. Because we do have all this trauma. We do have a lot of graphic things that we have to deal with. But who was the surgeon? Who was the professional? Who was the doctor? Who was the counselor? Who was the pastor? Who was the savior who got you through this? That's what we need to share. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.
Caregivers often find ourselves in the unenviable spot of needing to confront or provide leadership to people with far more skills and training than we possess. One of the ways we can navigate those times is by learning to ask better questions. Another is to educate ourselves. As we face the new year, I talked about those things and more.
Waffles and Well-Being
From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions, caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected.
Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor, caregivers face the challenge of “re-anchoring” themselves—often in a storm. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. During my wife’s surgeries in Denver, I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital. I love Waffle House. I grew up going to Waffle House, but we now live in Montana, and there’s no Waffle House in the whole state!
In Denver, where I knew few people, everything required learning and adjusting. But stepping into the local Waffle House, familiar sounds, sights, smells, and tastes flooded over me. For a few minutes, I reconnected and felt at home. Grabbing a take-out order, I took it to the hospital to share “the familiar” with Gracie.
While we can’t always change the disorienting circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find new ways to connect to things that settle our hearts. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a waffle—with pecans (and chocolate chips for Gracie!)
I have always loved Waffle House. It’s been like an oasis in the desert many times late at night after one of my concerts. —Trace Adkins
[AV1]
From: A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday
“Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges as the previous week and year(s). Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can. While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive. Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous—despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living. From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure, as do relationships, business ventures—and caregiving. This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish—and even fail—new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice.
“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” —Augustus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)
Grammy Award Winner, Dove Award Winner, Artist, Songwriter ... and Caregiver, Laura Story joined the program to share her story, thoughts, and how her life as a caregiver.
laurastorymusic.com
A demoralizing point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be—but things beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit to attempting control and trying to force things on more than one occasion—only to frustrate myself, my wife, and (many) others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I’ve tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large container I call “The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem.”
Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment.
For me, the box is genuine and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things—He’s better at carrying them than me. Saying that “God will have to redeem” does not demand the Almighty to act; it simply recognizes that He alone has the power to do so. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet, I can affirm each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them.
After decades of trying to carry the impossible, I find I breathe easier and live more peacefully when trusting God with all the broken pieces. Remembering Jesus was a carpenter further bolsters my faith—knowing He doesn’t even waste the sawdust.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. —Revelation 21:4 KJV
From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday. How many caregivers put themselves through unnecessary stress trying to re-create Christmas traditions?
While a tree, decorations, meals, and gifts remain important, too many allow trappings to eclipse the season’s meaning. Sometimes, the fear that this may be our loved one’s last Christmas pushes us to ensure everything is perfect. But what have we accomplished if we’re exhausted or resentful by December 26?
One of the great joys I’ve experienced living in Montana is the opportunity to slow down. When we lived in Nashville, it seemed we raced around at breakneck speeds. The Christmas season there seemed frenetic on a good day. Here in Madison County, I am learning to move at the pace of the weather, the people, and the odd deer, elk, or cow on the road.
If, as Andy Williams so spectacularly sang, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” should we not savor Christmas rather than suffer through it? The decorations don’t have to look like last year’s. The menu may change, and the gifts may be more personal than opulent. The time we spend with one another and reflecting on the season’s meaning brings more value than our labors or purchasing powers. Nostalgia doesn’t spread Christmas cheer—hearts do.
May we not “spend” Christmas or “observe” Christmas but rather “keep” it. —Rev. Peter Marshall
I recently did an interview with Seth and Deb Quad Cities radio (Moody).
In this interview I provided the background of how Gracie got to where she is and what sustains us through this.
From "A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday."
The Comfort of Gratitude
Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment, wrath, and even self-destruction. For caregivers, the fight against bitterness remains perpetual. Maybe family and friends left us out to dry, a bad medical call, an employer fired us in a vulnerable moment, or a drunk driver who caused incalculable pain—there seems no end to the opportunities to hold a grudge. Some caregivers even resent themselves, while others shake their fists at God. Regardless of the resentment’s object, the one who carries the hatred pays the highest price. The only antidote to the poison of resentment is gratitude—the “…virtue from which all others spring.” Gratitude always leads to peace of mind, but bitterness only swindles serenity by deceitfully making us feel powerful in our wounded hearts. Thanksgiving is not simply a meal—nor even a holiday; it’s a way of life that refuses resentment’s tyrannical hold on our souls. While incurred wounds are real and painful, they can only fester when we nurse them with the septic cloth of resentment. Thankfulness washes those wounds clean and allows them to heal.
The soul that gives thanks can find comfort in everything; the soul that complains can find comfort in nothing.
—Hannah Whitall Smith
Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. How you doing? How you holding up? What's going on with you? Those and more are the type of questions that we ask ourselves as family caregivers that I ask you. I want you to ask me, how are we doing? How are we holding up? And you can see more about why I do what I do here, how we do it, who we're doing it for all at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. HopeForTheCaregiver.com. I want to continue our conversation that we were having last week about the 1-2-30 Last week we just spent time on help. Today, we're going to finish the phrase which is help me, me, money and endurance. We're going to talk about that just to review for those of you who maybe missed it last time. Under your health, get an annual flu shot. Some people don't. Want to take a flu shot? Some people medically don't feel they can do that, but I still recommend it. That's kind of a guide. But the whole point of this is not religion. I'm not setting up some type of institution that you got to, this is what we got to do. You know, I was driving to Bozeman the other day. We had an early snowstorm. We got about 80 inches of snow and it was pretty cold too. It was about 15 degrees when I was driving over there. When you get a lot of steam coming off of the river as you go through, and it gets very foggy to drive through the canyon that I have to go through to get there. Between the steam and the fog and the snow-covered road, sometimes it's hard to know where the road is. And that's why I'm grateful they have those reflectors so close. And sometimes they're double tiered because of the amount of snow we get. And it just helps me know where the road is. And so that's all this is, just a reminder of where's the road? Where's the path? We don't have to put ourselves under any kind of bondage to follow this. We just come up with tools that may help us. So, for your health, one annual flu shot, two well visits a year, and 30 minutes daily of physical activity. okay, and if you can't get a flu shot or you don't want to get a flu shot, please don't get all bent out of shape about that this is just a suggestion, and two well visits a year well, why wait a whole year to find out at your annual physical that you have high blood pressure or your sugar is real high or you know yada yada yada 30 minutes a day of something physical do something physical And for your emotions, how about a counseling visit? You know, once a month, just once a month to spend time with a counselor, a trained mental health professional, two support groups over the course of a month. They're not going to fix the problem. That's not what they're there for. They're there to better equip you to deal with the challenge you deal with. And most of the challenges we deal with, we will find are internal. It's how we respond to the things outside us that we don't like, which creates a lot of stress for us. So we better learn how to take things in stride and carry things and be flexible and be at peace with the ambiguity and all those kinds of things. Well, those are things that you can get from being around others, struggling with the same stuff, getting some help from a trained professional, and then spend 30 days a year in church. Okay. We as caregivers can't always go every Sunday, but we can aim for it. Why? Well, it's important that we have community around us, that we're hearing the gospel being preached to us and make sure it's a church that is grounded in biblical authority in the scriptures, not, you know, some type of, um, motivational speaker with a religious flair. Let's try to avoid that. Those are not helpful things. Okay. But let's go to a place where they better equip you with the studies of the scriptures to have a deeper walk with the Lord. Okay. And in knowledge, we should all be theologians showing up at church, the study of God, Not religion, which is the study of man's approach to God. Let's go with theology. Let's study. Let's learn. Let's pursue God. We can know God. He's given us his word to be able to do so. And let's do that in a community of believers for several reasons. One of them, it's going to strengthen us for the journey. But the other thing is, more importantly, scripture commands us to do it. Forsake not the assembly. Scripture states so. Those are things that one to thirty for your emotions So, you know counseling visit once a month again, don't put yourself under bondage to adhere to that Just consider that as a goal and it may be just for a season that you do this to support groups a month and you could do them virtually if you need to and and 30 days in church per year for your emotions and then for your lifestyle, something for yourself every week. Do something, one thing. for you. Have a vacation from being a caregiver. Again, we may not be able to do that at one time, but that's a day and a half a month. And you may have to split that out by hours. So if you've got a day and a half, a month, so that's 30 hours a month that you could take one hour a day to take a break from being a caregiver, roughly. I mean, you see how you do the math. Don't again, don't put this as some kind of unrealistic burden on yourself. Just make this a goal. You know what? I'm going to take, I'm going to take a little bit of time off from this. You can, anybody can find 30 minutes somewhere. Okay. And then as part of that lifestyle, listen to 30 minutes a day of something funny. Get laughter back in your life. I know your circumstances are dire. So are ours, but we laugh and it's important to laugh. Ecclesiastes says there's a time to weep and a time to laugh. We have plenty of time to weep as caregivers. Do we laugh? Okay, it's really important that we do this. And then the P of help is for our profession. And I recommend this. I do it for myself. One training class per year to learn a new skill. And I don't care what it is. You may learn Excel spreadsheets on your computer. You may learn how to garden. You may learn how to cook better. There's all kinds of cooking classes. You know, Graham Care, who's been on this program, The Galloping Gourmet, just a wonderful man. He's got a whole series of things on Amazon and other places that you can go and learn how to cook better. from him on heart healthy stuff you can do and it's really good stuff. I mean he's been out there a long time. But, you know, you can go out there and get that if you want to learn how to cook better, which I recommend doing because, you know, who doesn't want to be a better cook? Cooking can be a chore for us as caregivers. I understand that. But still, I like to prepare and I like to get in there and try new things. I'm fairly adventurous in the kitchen and I make a great venison taco. I've tried, I've had elk Stroganoff and elk spaghetti sauce and I try all kinds of different things. You never know. I mean, do you know how to cook game? Do you know how to cook this? Do you know how to make a good roast? Do you know how to, you know, do things that will bring a lot of flavor to your life, but learn something. I took a class last year at Hillsdale College on C.S. Lewis and Christianity. 30-part class, free. It's just lectures and I listen to it and you take a little test. I passed it, got a certificate. So, you know, there's always something you can learn. As an employee, in your profession, you can always improve yourself with some kind of training. And then, two performance meetings a year with your supervisor. Why wait for an annual one to find out there may be a problem? Have two, just to make sure that there's good communication. And then, as part of that, by the way, give a good day's work. Be forthright with your boss. Let them know what's going on with you. You don't have to give all the details, but let them know what's going on. And then ask for and give flexibility to the best of your abilities. And then 30 minutes a day away from your desk or phone during office hours. 1-2-30. One training class, two performance meetings, 30 minutes daily. So those are just some tips that I came up with. I don't normally give tips, but it's something I do for me. He will be strong to deliver me safe and the joy of the Lord Welcome back to Home for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. That is my wife, Gracie, with Russ Taff, off of her CD, Resilient. By the way, if you want to get a copy of that CD, the easiest way to do it is go out to, I should call this number, 615-297-7000. 5388 at Logos Bookstore. 615-297-5388. And Gracie's fussing at me because I haven't loaded that on so that you can download it from iTunes and everything else. You can do individual songs, but you know, you can go out there to iTunes and Amazon Prime and all that kind of stuff. You can do it, but I haven't done it. I've had a few other things going on in my life so I'm working on it and I'm trying to build a page. You can see some of it right now. See what you think at PeterRosenberger.com with all my product pages and so forth. So feel free to take a look and see what you think. We're trying to update a lot of things. and it's Peter Rosenberger, R-O-S-E-N-B-E-R-G-E-R.com. It's a new page I'm doing. I'm going to link to it from the Hope for the Caregiver page, but I'm just trying some things and we're working fast and furious on that. So anyway, all right, let's get back to the Help Me 1230 program that I came up with. And on this, We address the me, M, me, help me. The M is for money. So how do you deal with your money as a caregiver? What do you do with one, two, thirty? Well, here's something I came up with. All right. Again, you don't have to do this. It's something that helps me. I come up with one charity to financially support. One charity has nothing to do with being a caregiver, has nothing to do with all the other things I deal with. It's me putting something towards helping someone else financially. You don't have to spend a lot. You can do $5 a year, but do something that focuses on supporting something other than your own world. Get outside yourself a little bit. Find a worthwhile cause. Could be anything. I mean, there's so many different worthwhile causes. I would recommend, by the way, if you listen to this program regularly, support American Family Radio. Okay. Just go online at AFR.net and support them. You're getting something out of this. Are you giving something back to them? Okay, you're, you're, you're benefiting from this and they are working hard. I've been in, I've got to know these folks pretty well over the years that I've been on the air with them. And these people work pretty hard to, to stay focused on bringing a clear message of the gospel through geopolitical events, through teachings, through all kinds of things that they do. So support them. If everybody in this audience that benefits from what I'm saying and doing here went out to AFR and just pledged, I don't know, ten bucks a month. You know, that would be a huge thing for them. This is a big audience. Ten bucks. Whatever it is that the Lord lays on your heart, but do something that is supporting something else. Besides Yourself. Push yourself to support, to give. Okay? So that's something we can do. It gets our mind off of our misery and lets us know that we are doing something that has greater value. One charity that you could support and get involved with it. Okay? Two meetings per year with some type of financial advisor or an accountant. Just to go over everything to make sure it's solid. Are your taxes being paid? I was talking to a caregiver the other day who's way behind on filing income tax. I don't know that he has to pay that much, but you have to file them. Death in taxes. Okay. I mean, that's just render under Caesar and Caesar's very demanding. So let's stay on top of that. Let's don't get behind. You don't need to add that kind of pressure. For those of you who are professionally in that world, financial reps and accountants and so forth, if you are looking to help someone that's a caregiver, call your pastor and say, look, I'd love to sit down with any caregiver here. I'm not trying to germ up business. I'm going to do this just to be able to help. and sit down with them and make sure that they're okay financially, that they have some kind of plan. Don't sell them anything. You're not trying to make a living off of these people. You're just wanting to help. It would be a huge help, and I bet you your pastor would know somebody in the church who could benefit from that. just to sit down, have a conversation, make sure everything's up to date. You know, it may be a situation where you'll have to charge them something down the road, but I'm not trying to create leads for you for your business. I'm just saying, this is how you help a caregiver. If a caregiver looks tired, I bet you their wallets look tired too. Their purses look tired too. Okay. So sit down as a caregiver with somebody who is a trained financial expert in their field. Interview with is a must. Okay? It's really important that we be smart financially. And if we don't know how to do something, there are plenty of people that do. So seek out good financial counsel. Make sure that all of your filings are done on time. Make sure that you're properly deducting stuff. Did you know you could deduct all kinds of things that are caregiver related? Mileage. back and forth to the pharmacy or back and forth to doctor's offices and things such as that. Ask about that sort of thing. Maybe it's possible for you. Okay. Just get some, get some good eyes, trained eyeballs on you, just like we're doing with doctors, just like we're doing with counselors. Now we're dealing with our money and it's money's tight. I know that. But as I've often said, it's not a lack of resources. It's often a lack of resourcefulness. And it's very important. Today is a great day to start making healthy financial decisions. Don't beat yourself up over what you did last week. Man, I have made so many financial blunders, but I don't have to do it again today. I can learn from that and I can seek out counsel from people who are better trained and wiser and smarter at this sort of thing. and they can give me good counsel. And if they won't spend the time to help you, shake the dust off your feet and go to another one. You know, there's people out there that will help if you ask for help. They'll help you. But be very specific and intentional of what you're dealing with. What is the pressing issue? So the best way to start sometimes is, okay, are all of your filings up to date? All of your tax returns, all that kind of stuff. If it's up to date, We're in good shape. Let's go to the next issue. You know, the next issue, the next issue, just chip away at this. You didn't get here overnight. You're not going to get out of it overnight. And you say, well, Peter, I don't have any money. So it doesn't really matter. Everybody's got something. If you're completely destitute, that's a different conversation. But I don't think that you are at this point. So let's start making good financially healthy decisions right now. Okay. Right now. And then the 30. So we've got one charity that you can support. Think about somebody else's challenges other than your own. Two meetings per year with a financial advisor or an accountant of some type that can go through your stuff and, and help you develop a solid plan. Remember I had, um, the gown here. A while back, his name is Hans Scheele. Finishing Well is his podcast. You can go out, he has an amazing library of podcasts you can go out and listen to for free. And Hans said something great on this program. He said, don't avoid calling me just because you don't think I can afford it. Let me make that decision. Okay, so I thought that's an open invitation. You can reach out to him at his website and let him talk to you about it and see what may be available. You don't have to start with, you know, $100,000. You can start with $1. Okay, that's the goal is for you to start. So don't be embarrassed, don't be ashamed, don't be afraid. Just step out in boldness and say, I am going to start making better financial decisions today and I'm going to seek the help of somebody who can help me do it. Okay. Commit to that. and then 30. Now what is 30? What are we going to do? 1, 2, and 30. Remember everything is 1, 2, and 30. So what are we going to do with 30? Well, here's what I suggest. Try squirreling away $30 from every paycheck into some type of savings or investment. Try squirreling it away. Okay? You may not be able to right now. Some of us, you know, I know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. I know what it's like to live You know, under paycheck to paycheck that you're like, okay, well, I'm only going to go into debt this much this month. You know, I've been there. I mean, Gracie's cost is fortune. I mean, it's the numbers are staggering for what Gracie's journey has cost. And then you have lost labor cost that they don't even figure that in of what I could be making. with, you know, without these types of encumbrances that we have on us. But here we are. So shoot for 30. You may be able to do, you know, 300. You may be able to do 3,000. Some of you may be able to do 30,000 a month. I don't know, but the point is you're doing something that you're socking it away. You're putting into some type of savings or investment that's going to help you. And that's where trained financial advisors can help you. It may be that you're starting off really small, but the discipline of doing that is going to be a game changer. And speaking of discipline, tithe, that's also going to force you into a discipline financially. And this is what scripture commands of us. So tithe and watch God work. I mean, God says in the scripture, test me in this, watch him work, but say, Lord, I'm going to be responsible for my finances. And I am going to tithe to where I'm being spiritually fed in my church. And I'm going to support my church. And if you're making a hundred dollars a week, You tithe $10. Yes, that's going to be tough. There are people that can give all kinds of great big gifts to church. That's not what Jesus is looking for here. Do you remember the story of the widow and two mites? Because she's giving all she has to give. Okay? God is not limited, nor does He require you to support Him. He's not limited to your support. He's not requiring your support in the sense that He's got to have it. It's a discipline for us to be able to say in faith, we're going to rely on God to supply all our needs according to his riches and glory through Christ Jesus. Okay. It's going to push us. It's going to be tough and we're going to have to make hard decisions, but that's just part of being a caregiver. We make hard decisions all the time, but now we're going to make healthy decisions. They may be hard, but they're healthy. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back. We're going to wrap up with our Help Me 1230 program that I developed for myself of just things to remember for me. And the last one is E, help me, M-E, endurance, E for endurance. How do we, how do we endure? How do we stay focused on this? One daily outside contact with positive and loving friends. Find a friend somewhere that you can call. Phone a friend. Just call them up and listen to someone who is speaking life into your life, who's a positive person, who loves you, cares for you. Reach out to them. I don't care if it's just to talk about the weather. I don't care if it's to tell the joke of the day. Just find somebody outside of your home and your caregiving world that you can call. Okay, that's one. The two, everything is 1-2-30, two hours per week of just me time. Just you. Two hours. You can find two hours. Don't tell me you can't, because you can. I'm going to pull rank on you. Not many of you all have been a caregiver for as long as I have, or through what I've been through, and I can find it. So if I can find it, you can find it. You may have to be creative, may not be able to do it all at once, but find two hours somewhere. just for you. Where I live here in Montana, I get out on a horse. Okay, some of you may not be able to do that, particularly if you live in urban environments, but that's what I do for me. In the wintertime, it's a snowmobile, sometimes just for a walk. I said one of the other things to find something 30 minutes that you could watch that's funny every day, just something, maybe just combine a couple of these things, but make it for you. Spend time practicing. When I sit down at the piano and practice, I'm not just trying to learn how to play better, I am communicating from the depths of my soul. That's how I do it musically. Some of you paint, some of you garden, some of you Some of you like to needlepoint. Some of you like to, you know, create all kinds of things, whether it's knitting and who knows, whatever. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Just find something that's for you and do that for two hours every week. And then take 30 minutes a day and you can find this to be still, to have some kind of devotional time, to be quiet, just to be still. If you do not take time for stillness, you will make time for illness, but learn to be still. Okay. Look through all the scripture. How many times you hear the Lord say through scripture, be still, y'all be quiet, simmer down now, be still. Okay. Learn to be still. 30 minutes a day. It's a discipline. You may not get it the first time you go first 10 times you go, but you can try to work towards that. of Learning to Be Still. Quieten your thoughts. 1-2-30. Our Help Me program. And that's just something I came up with to give a guideline to myself and to fellow caregivers. Please, again, do not feel like you've got to somehow adhere to this. as far as with some type of rigidity, but just use it as a way of keeping you back on the main road. We can get lost in the weeds so easily. So, 1-2-30, and I'm going to leave you with a bonus 1-2-30, okay? A bonus 1-2-30. You're not having to pay any extra for this, all right? There are times when we just Money, Endurance, And Caregivers If you don't see nail prints, then this ain't yours to fix. You are responsible for your own actions and what comes out of your mouth, your thoughts, words, and deeds. One day our Savior's plan is going to be clear and all of this will be made right for those who trust in Him. And that's where our faith comes in. And I cling to that promise. God will wipe all the tears from their eyes and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying. Neither shall there be any more pain for the former things are passed away. It's a book of revelations. We have a Savior. That's why I love Keith Green's hymn, There is a Redeemer, Jesus, God's own Son. I just love that hymn. I love that hymn. There is a Redeemer. There is a Savior. And we're not that Redeemer or Savior. Okay, so you have one Savior. And then two, remember everything is 1, 2, 30. And then two hymns. Now for me, these are the two hymns that I remember that come to me in moments when it's just overpowering. And most of us feel overwhelmed, overpowered, and outmatched on a good day. On a bad day, we're just feeling completely engulfed. But in those moments, There are great hymns of the faith of people who have been there before us, who live to write about it, who live to sing about it, some who even live to laugh about it. But in this particular case, this hymn, and you all know this hymn, It Is Well With My Soul. When sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul. How many of you all know that hymn? It is one of the most widely recognized hymns in the entire world. I remember in a clinic in Ghana where we're treating amputees and the waiting room was filled with amputees. If you've ever been in a room filled with amputees, it is extraordinary. And there must have been 30, 45 people there. All these different amputees, women, men, children, and we're putting legs on them. This is what we do at Standing With Hope, standingwithhope.com if you want to go see more about that. And they're all singing, It Is Well With My Soul. Now, let me tell you something. If you hear a room full of amputees singing with their whole being, It Is Well With My Soul, that is an extraordinary and memorable event. And if they can do it, you can too. So remember that. Two hymns. The second one I remember is Great is Thy Faithfulness. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Can you hang on to those two hymns? It is well and great is thy faithfulness. There may be others that you want to do. Huge repository of hymns out there that we just all but ignore in our modern day church. I would recommend we not ignore them. But you go back and look at them. But those two are pretty familiar. Hang on to those. One, Savior. Two, hymns. And then 30 words. 30 words. You think you memorized these 30 words? I bet you already have. Listen to these 30 words that have sustained billions. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. You've already memorized those 30 words. Many of you are saying it with me. Say it again. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. One Savior, two hymns, thirty words. One is just piling on you. You may not be able to remember anything else, but you can remember that you have a Savior. You can remember that your loved one has a Savior, and you ain't that Savior. You can remember to look down at your hands And when you don't see nail prints, you can remember that you're not that savior, that this is way above your ability to fix, and you can trust him. You can remember two hymns that sustain you in moments when clarity and your ability to even think is just out the window. And you can say, when sorrows like sea billows roll whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say it as well with my soul. If Horatio Spafford can pin that over the watery graves of his children and say that with conviction, and the world sings that, and if a room full of amputees waiting on a prosthetic leg in Ghana, West Africa can say that, so can you and I. And then 30 words. 1-230. I've given you the best I got of this today, and I'll put this out on the podcast and you can go ahead and reference it again, but I thought it might be helpful to you today to listen to some of these things to guide you back on the main road. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. We'll see you next time.
Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. And it'll just help us carve out a little bit of a This is Peter Rosenberger. There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. We'll see you next time. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. And it'll just help us carve out a little bit of a This is Peter Rosenberger. There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. We'll see you next time. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. And it'll just help us carve out a little bit of a This is Peter Rosenberger. There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. We'll see you next time. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. And it'll just help us carve out a little bit of a This is Peter Rosenberger. There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. We'll see you next time. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. And it'll just help us carve out a little bit of a This is Peter Rosenberger. There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. We'll see you next time. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? If you're not a caregiver, you're going to get something out of the program, but I'm not here for you. I'm here for those who are willingly without pay, putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. They're doing it without training. A lot of times with very limited resources. And a lot of times they're doing it while they're absolutely worn slam out. And this program is for that individual. And if you are that individual, welcome. I am so glad that you are here. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hope for the caregivers, the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and Dare I say it, a more joyful life while serving as a family caregiver. Welcome to the program. Health, your health. We're in the flu season right now, and COVID notwithstanding, and I want to put that in its own category. We have normal, just wear and tear on our body. Of course, the whole point of this program is to help caregivers stay healthy. And a while back, I came up with this little reminder thing I do for help me, H-E-L-P-M-E, help me, health, emotions, lifestyle, profession, money, and endurance. Help me. And I come up with little tricks that I use to remind me of stuff simply because I have so many things cluttering my brain that I need to have simple things to help me remember stuff. And often times I'm in the middle of something and Gracie would ask me something and I'd say, hang on baby, I need my brain for just a moment. I have to kind of refocus and think because we get pulled in all kinds of different directions. And so I've come up with these simple things to help me remember where the main road is. And I call it a 1-2-30 program. I wrote this over 12 years ago. With our health, H-E-L-P helped me with our health and we may not be able to get through all of these today, but I thought it'd be a good time to revisit it now that we're going into the stressful season of the holidays and the flu and cold season and everything else. And I came up with something we can do as caregivers to help us stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not. And I thought, okay, how about this? One annual flu shot. Now I know, and I'm going to call her out, Marianne, I know you don't want to get a flu shot. I know that. And that's okay. Some of you cannot handle a flu shot. I'm not talking about COVID shots. I'm just talking about the normal flu shot. My friend, Marianne, she'll get a big charge out of that. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those of you who can get a flu shot. If there's not a medical reason why you cannot, Why Not Get One? That's an issue I just don't want to get into today. I do have my picture of Dr. Fauci right here. I'm just kidding. I don't, but I just, let's put COVID aside. Let's just talk about the normal flu. Let's get a flu shot. If you can, if you physically can get one, it's a good idea to get a flu shot. You're not going to not get the flu, but you're going to probably reduce the challenges of it and hopefully give yourself a little bit of an edge. Okay? And that's just my thing. One flu shot. Two well visits per year with your doctor. Just check in with your doc. Say, doc, look, I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just want to check in with you. Get some lab work, maybe get some kind of, you know, just an assessment. If there's something going on, just have that communication. Don't wait for a year to find that you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol or your sugars are too high or things such as that. Why wait? Why wait for a year? Get two well visits per year with your doctor just to check in. Okay. It's just, that's all it is. You're just going to say, put some eyeballs on me. And when you're there, by the way, communicate with your doctor the level of stress that you live with. Okay. Cause if you're a caregiver, well, how many of you all know that being a caregiver often involves a lot of stress. Okay. And getting older with stress is not always a good thing. You know, I mean, we're all aging from what I understand, the aging rate in this country is a hundred percent. So you, you want to communicate with your doctor, honestly, the level of stress that you're under, and there are things that you can do to help balance that out and mitigate it. Certainly a lot of it is with proper diet and so forth, but let's just check you up, see where you are, okay? Let's find out before this turns into a problem. I just did this two weeks ago, and I got some lab work done. I was very pleased, by the way, to find out, and I haven't, we got this digital scale here in our home, and I've been weighing myself and being dismayed by the weight because I've thought for the longest time I kept a certain amount of weight And yeah, I've seen the fluctuation of five to seven pounds and I'd like to really drop quite a bit of weight. I mean, I mean, well, look, if you're ironing your shirt in the driveway, it's time to lose a few pounds, you know? And that's what I want. And I'm out here in the forest. I backed up to the forest and, you know, I went out there and the bears were hiding their food. I mean, that's when you know you got to lose a few pounds, OK? So I'm working on that. But I was pleased to know, to discover, that at the doctor's office when I weighed, our scale here at the house is 10 pounds off. So that was like, wow, you know, that was great. I was quite pleased with that. So I had no idea because I was getting a little bit dismayed. And every time I got on the scale, I would yell down at it, you liar, Or as Joe Biden would say, you lying dog face pony soldier, which that's, you do with that information what you will. But anyway, so I was pleased to know that the scale at my doctor's office was the accurate scale. It's one of those big ones you step on. It's got hand rails, you know, that kind of thing. And they are, I was, I was pleased to learn that 10 pounds were being attributed to me that were not mine. and that was very comforting. But I still want to get a little further down this road here and lose some weight. I'm hoping to do that. Oftentimes I'll lose weight during the holidays because it's a little bit stressful during the holidays. This holiday season, Gracie and I are going to be at the hospital. We're going to probably spend Christmas in the hospital. I'm planning on it, probably New Year's, probably her birthday, which is in January, maybe even Valentine's Day if it goes like it did last time. So I have no idea what we're dealing with Here's Welcome back. and sometimes I confiscate that and use that in my office as well so I can turn around and have my standing desk in front of me and then a hospital tray that I have for overflow and I'm always standing and moving and things such as that that's just something I do. But I also hope that while I'm with her at the hospital, I'll be staying across the street in a hotel. They have a workout room and maybe I'll get in some workout time. 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. 1-2-30. A flu shot, two well visits, and 30 minutes daily of some kind of physical activity. Do you think you could do that? You think you could do that with me? And again, I don't want to get all the letters and calls about the flu shot. I'm just throwing that out there because it helps me. But do you think we could do that together? 1-2-30? 1-2-30. It's as easy as 1-2-30. I think we can. And that's a great place to launch our journey towards being a healthy caregiver and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We got more. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to have you with us. We're talking about things that we can do to stay healthy. It's from something I wrote a long time ago for caregivers called HELPME. H-E-L-P-M-E. And those things stand for your health, your emotions, your lifestyle, your profession, your money, and your endurance. And I came up with this thing, a kind of I just kind of it was for me. It's just something easy for me 1-2-30 1-2-30 To remind ourselves and so in the last block we did for our health of 1-2-30 One flu shot, two well visits, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity For your emotions and this is where it gets a little bit tricky. Now again, these are just broad things This is just something to kind of help you get started All right Nothing too complicated and it's not the gospel. So don't feel that you have to rush out and start doing these things right now or otherwise you're not going to be a very good caregiver. Just some place for us to get started because it's hard to know how to start sometimes. So how about this? For your emotions, one counseling visit with a trained mental health professional, one counseling visit per month. You may not be able to make it, may not be able to afford it, But why don't you set that as a goal, that you want to do that, for a season, until you feel like you kind of get solid ground under you. Now you're not going to have to do this in perpetuity, I don't think, I mean that's just my general assessment. You may, you may want to, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But until you kind of get yourself settled into this groove, particularly if you're just now entering into this caregiving world, a trained mental health professional could really be a lot of help to you. And you don't have to break the bank to do this. Psychiatrists are pretty expensive and you need probably a referral from your doctor for that. They're an MD. They're going to deal with multiple things going on with you physically and psychologically. Psychologists are PhDs and one of the things that they can do, besides offer therapy and counseling and so forth, is administer a variety of tests. Behavioral tests, intellectual tests, you know, for your IQ, for personality issues, all those kinds of things, they can do that, and I would, at some point, I would recommend doing it. I think it'd be a healthy exercise for you to have. I mean, it may cost you a little bit of money, so you don't have to, but sometimes it's good to know a little bit more about you and what makes you tick. There's an article at Psychology Today about knowing oneself. Five reasons why it's important to know who you are. And the more you know about yourself, the better you're going to be able to respond to things when they come. You're going to know what kind of triggers you. And I hate that that word's been so overused in our culture, but I was at a loss to come up with a new word on that. But what sparks you, what inflames you, what inspires you, all those kinds of things. The opposite of self-knowledge is ignorance, this article said. And one of the things that I do not want to do as a caregiver is if we're going to go through all this trouble to be who we are in this and to take care of somebody and to go through all these crises, I don't want to do it stupidly. I mean, I don't want to be ignorant in this thing. I want to see purpose and meaning and I want to see value. And more importantly, I want to see the hand of God in this. And I want to understand more. of Why do we get irritated when this happens? And these are things that we can explore in counseling, and particularly if you have somebody who has given you an assessment of your psychological makeup, of what you aspire to, what you cling to, what you run to, what you run away from, all those kinds of things. And you're not going to be able to be measured in your responses if you don't know who you are. To thine own self be true, Shakespeare said. Of course, that was probably not the right context. But also, I think, I don't know if it was Aristotle or Socrates or somebody came up with know thyself. And if you don't know who you are, then you're going to kind of flail around. So these things are important to work out in a counseling situation. Again, you don't have to spend enormous amount of time and money doing this. And you can get into what I call navel gazing. My father gave me that term navel gazing. where we just become so preoccupied with the minutia of our life. We're looking at our belly button, navel casing, and you don't want to do that. The purpose is to learn so that you can better serve, to learn about you so that you could better care for someone else and be more measured in how you live your life in this high stress environment. If you are flailing around, there's a reason for it. What is that reason? Well, I don't know. And you may not know either. But in a counseling situation with a trained professional, you may be able to explore that more in depth and safely in a controlled environment with a counselor who can guide you through these things, and then give you the tools and the vocabulary to better respond to the things that are Weighing heavy on your heart, stressing you out, hooking you, all those kinds of things to help you have the tools for this. But it starts with knowing who you are. And you may have to sit down with a professional for that. And I recommend that. Done that, been there, done that. You know, I've been raised by a pack of therapists. You think I could do this for nearly 40 years without having some professional help in my life? Are you kidding me? Anybody that says they could will lie about other things too. All right, so spend some time with a therapist, maybe once a month. You don't have to do it again in perpetuity. Just sit down with a trained mental health counselor and get some help. And it could be a licensed clinical social worker. My brother's one. I call him up periodically. You know how I pay him? In beef jerky. We have the best beef jerky out here. So I call him up and say, look, Jimmy, I need to run this by you. And I'll send him beef jerky. So it's a, which by the way, is pretty expensive. It turns out to be about 30 bucks a pound. So that's 1-2-30. That's just wrong. But anyway, no, I don't have to make a big production about it. But I am convinced that every one of us as caregivers would benefit from a trained mental health provider. And vet them first. You know, make sure you don't get somebody right out of the counselor factory that doesn't have any kind of experience. That's not where you want to start. Get somebody who's been around a bit and can speak with clarity into your situation. They may not have enough experience as a caregiver to be able to speak to this issue. Let my book and this program help with that issue. I'll help you with that part. But they can help with other things for you to know who you are. Okay, so then that's one counseling visit a month, two support groups a month, two support groups a month. Now you may not be able to find a caregiver support group per se in your area. Here in Montana where I live, I've started one and I've prototyped this and I'm hoping to take this nationally and I feel that I will. 1-2-30 If you've got somebody in your family that's an addict or an alcoholic, there are al-anon programs that you can go to pretty much everywhere. It may not be the exact language that speaks directly to your situation, but you're still wrestling with something you can't control, and now you're sitting in a room full of other people who are wrestling with something they can't control, and you're learning coping skills on how to do that. And that's very healthy for you. So I'd recommend that. So one, counseling. Two, support groups. They're not going to fix your problem, by the way, and your loved one is not necessarily your problem, okay? Your problem is your problem. You are your own problem. We're all going to have things in our lives that are going to stress us out or are going to cause us discomfort. How we respond to those things is on us. And the more we learn about ourselves and the more we learn how to better cope with these issues and get the vocabulary and the tools The more calmer and healthier our life will become. And that's the goal, is it not? So it's about strengthening you, strengthening me, so that we can better navigate through these challenges. Because these challenges aren't going to necessarily go away anytime soon. But our abilities to handle them can improve with proper help. So you get one counseling per month, two support groups per month. If you can make it, just set us a goal. Again, this is, I'm not putting religion on you about this. I'm, this is not law. I'm not codifying this. I just want you to be able to have some kind of plan to aim for. And then I'd like for you to look at 30 days in church per year. You think, well, Peter, I go to church every week. Well, some of us do. Some of us can't. And so we shoot for that. Let's shoot for that. That averages out to just over two Sundays a month. Why is it important? First off, we need to be part of a community. Scripture also commands us to do not forsake the assembling thereof of the brethren. Don't forsake this. We need to be in community to meet. We also need to hear the gospel preached to us. Now, make sure you pick a church that preaches the gospel. You know, if they're concerned about pronouns and gender issues, how about giving them a wide berth and going to a more biblically based church where you can hear the gospel preached with clarity so that you can draw strength from scriptures and the hearing of the word. and apply it to your life, but you're also in a community of believers who may not be able to speak to you on your level, they may not be able to understand what you're going through, and that's okay, but you're still involved with people of faith who are trusting God with their challenges, their journey, collectively, and coming together to worship God collectively. And it's really important that you worship God collectively. Sing the hymns. Participate in Sunday school. Listen to the word preached. Get involved in a small group if they have it. If you can go. You don't have to put these huge legalistic demands on yourself. Just participate. It's good for your emotional health. It's good for my emotional health to not forsake the assembling of the brethren. 1-2-30 These are helpful things to provide us with the vocabulary and the tools that are so needed for us to be able to traverse through this caregiving journey that we're on with less drama, more peace, more stability, more calmness, more confidence. We can do this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll talk more when we come back. Don't go away. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are putting themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse disaster. Are you that person? If so, glad you're here. Hope for the Caregiver We've been plowing through this 1-2-30 thing I did for Health, Emotions, Lifestyle, Profession, Money, and Endurance. Speaking of health, I'm having a difficult time breathing and So we plowed through health, which was a flu shot a year, two well visits a year with your doctor, 30 minutes of some kind of daily physical activity. Again, I'm not going to hold you to it if you have medical reasons or spiritual reasons or psychological reasons why you don't want a flu shot. This is not law. This is just suggestions. And then counseling, one visit a month, two support groups, and 30 days in church. Again, being a part of community. Now we come to the L in help me. L for lifestyle, not the song. L is for the way you do. No, I'm not. It's not that. It's lifestyle. So what about lifestyle? Well, you know, we've talked about this on the program. We lose our independence and we become isolated as caregivers. So we've got to push back on that. And I thought, okay, how does the 1-2-30 approach go for that? Well, do one thing for yourself every week. One thing. One thing. You say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't understand my circumstances. Oh, really? You're telling me this? Really? Yeah, I do. And yes, you can. And yes, I do. Whether, in my case, as some of you see on my Facebook post and in our group and so forth, I'll get out on a horse. That's something I do for me. Winter's here. We just had eight inches of snow and it got down to minus four. Now we're having second fall, then second winter will be coming shortly. Then we'll have third fall, then third winter. That Montana weather is pretty weird. However, I get out on a horse. Something I do for me. That's my time. I kill actually two birds with one stone on that, or as Chuck Norris does it, kills two stones with one bird. But we do something for ourselves once a week. And what is that for you? Maybe it's just taking time to read a book. Maybe it's fixing a dessert that you like. A meal that you like. Sitting down at the piano, picking up a guitar. I got a friend of mine who locks himself in his office and plays his guitar. And he's been caregiving for his wife as long as I have, for 37 plus years. And that's how he does it for himself. He just, he loves to play his guitar. And he has that quiet time where he does something for himself at least once a week. Well, you can do that. We can all do that. Something. It doesn't have to be major. It's not like you're going to go to Vegas or anything. I mean, unless that's something you really want to do. I can't think of a worse punishment than to go to Vegas, but different strokes. So, I mean, some people have asked me over the years, I've had several people ask me, wouldn't you love to go on a cruise? And I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I don't want to go on a cruise. I've been on a cruise and I'm not doing it again. I do not wish to do that. I don't want to be trapped on a boat with, you know, that many people. being demanding and needy. That's just not, that does not sound like fun to me. And I told you all, I think I told you all this. If I ever feel like going on a cruise again, I'm going to go buy an Hawaiian shirt and then go to the Golden Corral because it's pretty much the same experience and same people. And I'm not doing it anymore. So it's that, but different strokes, whatever you want, do something for you. Okay. If you don't have a lot of money, Well, you know what? The library is filled with books. Do something for you. One thing every week. Something for you. You can do that. Number two. If you do one thing for you, two weeks of annual vacation from being a caregiver. Now this is going to require some creativity. Because most of us can't take two weeks straight off. I can't. But I could take a day and a half a month. Maybe not all at one time. Again, maybe I have to take a half a day three times. Maybe a quarter of a day, you know, six times. But that's two weeks. But you can carve out some time. And, you know, we'll just have to be creative. But that's the goal, is to give yourself that break from it. Okay. That's important. And you don't have to do anything exciting on that vacation. You could have a, you know, go to McDonald's and sit there and read the paper vacation. If people do need to still read the paper, but there are a lot of creative ways we could do it, but shoot to have that, make that a goal to have that time off where you disconnect. And if you have to get somebody to sit with them for four hours and you do that several times a month, Okay. Make it happen. All right. But that's the goal. And then this is the fun one. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. 30 minutes daily with something humorous. Okay. Watch something that's funny. Watch something that makes you laugh. Read something that's funny, that makes you laugh. There's plenty of stuff out there. You could pull up everything from Andy Griffith to, you know, Seinfeld to whatever. I don't care. I love stand-up comedians. I love them. And probably my favorite is Rodney Tatcherfield. I'll tell you, I'm doing okay this week, but last week was rough. 1-2-30 and I'll do that and I'll get on a tear and I'll have him laughing then I'll start laughing and we'll do that for you know 30 minute phone call and and I'll just start firing them off you know Rodney would say I know I was an ugly child when I was born the doctors told my parents I'm sorry we did all we could but he pulled through you know every Halloween I was dressed as is you know I go to McDonald's, they told me I didn't deserve a break. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette. And he just had so many of these one-liners. Somebody put a clip of like 100 one-liners of Ronnie. And I just watched that until I was just belly laughing. That's very healthy for us as caregivers. I don't know what makes you laugh. I mean, there's so much comedy out there. Please take advantage of it. Read it. Watch it. Immerse yourself in it for 30 minutes. Okay? 30 minutes a day. Make yourself laugh. Watch something that will make you laugh. Okay? You can still watch Andy Griffith these days, and it's still funny. It still holds up. And people say, well, everything's so raunchy. No, there's plenty of stuff out there that's not. I'll prove it to you. You ready? I'll prove this to you. Picture in your mind the Carol Burnett show where they did went with the wind and she comes down the stairs with that dress with the curtain rod. You know, you're laughing because that was, I mean, everybody just went wild over that. It says, Oh, it was a little something I saw in the window. That was 50 years ago, close to it. And it's still funny. And it still gets a chuckle. Every time. And some of you can remember the first time you saw it and you just fell on the floor you were laughing so hard. We need that. You gotta laugh. You have got to laugh. Okay? It's so important for us to do that. So that's it. One thing for yourself each week. And some of you can combine some of these. Maybe your thing is to watch a funny show. Okay, well, you've done it. Two weeks annual vacation from being a caregiver. You may have to split it up into hours, but that's okay. 30 minutes a day, something funny. Okay. Something funny. Just make yourself laugh. I mean, think about it. How many of you all think that Gracie needs to laugh? She has a hard life. I'm not kidding you all. She has a very difficult life and she needs to laugh. Now I've made her cry plenty of times, I know that, but I make her laugh. And I remember, it was actually Kathleen Gifford told her that. She looked at Gracie and she said, you married him because he makes you laugh, didn't you? And she said, well, when he's not making me cry. She laughed about that. Gracie needs to laugh. She was a very serious young woman when I met her. Here's what It's going to get loud, it's going to get ridiculous, there's going to be a lot of laughing. Dad would make sure it didn't descend into madness. But, and my sister, she's the baby, she's the worst. I mean, she speaks better sarcasm than the rest of us. And we laugh and cut up. There was a period of time during my journey as a caregiver where I lost that because I was so beaten down. I was so heavy with this stuff. And I remember the first joke I told after a pretty dark stretch. And my mother congratulated me on clawing my way back to humor. I get my sense of humor from my mother. Who Is Mom will jump right into the arena. I mean, she'll, she'll go a couple rounds with you. And that's the whole point of it is just to have that fun and laugh. And I learned that it was okay to laugh in this. And I learned that it was okay to have a sense of humor. Not only okay, it's imperative. We've got to learn to laugh as caregivers. Why is that important? Well, first off, laughter pushes back against the overwhelming pressures that we deal with, and we realize that our hearts can be lighter primarily, not as a defense mechanism, but primarily because of the gospel, that this is not the end of the story, and that life is worth living, life is worth enjoying, embracing, so we laugh. So do something for you, take some vacation and learn to laugh. This is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Glad to have you with us. We're going through this whole concept of learning to find a plan to be healthy. Health doesn't come accidentally. You have to be intentional about it. So I'm giving you a couple of guidelines of something I came up with a long time ago, and I thought it may be helpful to you today as we go into this kind of high stress, high sickness time of year with flus and everything else. So we're plowing through the word HELP, H-E-L-P, I want to spend a little time in the profession because many of us have to work as caregivers. I'm not retired. I work for myself now, but for many years I had to go to a job that was a bit challenging, particularly when the schedule requires your presence there. It's not like we worked from home for those years. That didn't come about until many years later. And so I thought about these things that as professionals, because many of you are working, and what can we do to be healthier as we work and sometimes in demanding jobs while serving as caregivers? And I thought, okay, let's go through the 1-2-30 program with that. You know, we did 1-2-30 for everything. Everybody can remember 1-2-30. So I thought, how about one training class per year to learn new skills, to improve yourself, to improve your marketability as an employee, as somebody in the marketplace. Now you may be self-employed, you may be doing your own thing, but, and again, these are just guidelines, this is just something to suggest. But I think that we benefit greatly from learning a new skill every year. Taking an online course in something. Maybe it's just learning how to do better stuff with your computer. Maybe it's learning how to do more stuff with web design. Or maybe it's learning how to improve yourself. If you're a welder, maybe you need to learn how to be an aluminum welder. You know, maybe, because aluminum welding is quite an art. Maybe you can improve something about yourself in your field or in a field that you wish you could be in. You're not going to get it all in one day. It's not required. But you're pushing yourself a little bit to learn. You're pushing yourself to grow and make yourself more marketable, more valuable in the workplace. Zig Ziglar once said a long time ago, this is back when Troy Aikman was quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys and Zig Ziglar was a huge fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And he said to the audience there, he said, imagine if you will, the horrific event that the Dallas Cowboys folded. He said, I know it's staggering to even think such a thing. But he said, imagine if you, if you will, that the Dallas Cowboys folded and all those football players were looking for a job. He said, how long do you think Troy Aikman would be out of a job? And this is, this is 30 something years ago when he said this or close to it. And that always stuck with me, because the more valuable you are, the faster you can advance your own career and be able to deal with the setbacks if a company has layoffs or things such as that, because you are a marketable person, even as a caregiver. I think it's really important for us to remember that we as caregivers are, for many employers, we're their dream employee. We're high-functioning, multitaskers, we're resourceful, we can do a lot on a little. We have become incredibly adaptive. We've had to learn things that are way outside of our comfort zone and do things way outside of our comfort zone. So these are things that are worthy of noticing. And the more skills that you have, the more marketable skills you have, the less chance your world will be rocked by instability in the marketplace. This is the problem we have in our culture right now. We've got a lot of kids who've gone to college and they've got majors in lesbian Chinese art history, you know, that they've paid just insane amount of money for that are worthless. They can't do anything. And so they want their student loans forgiven and they want to have this and this. There's this real entitlement, whatever. You see it all in the news. It's just a mess. These students were sold a bill of goods, and they were taken to the cleaners. Well, we as a country are taken to the cleaners. If you notice, the schools are not taking a hit. They just pass it on to the taxpayer. But that's a different conversation. But the point is, these kids have no marketable skills. They don't have anything that they can use to get out there and provide for themselves. This is why I love what Mike Rowe does with all of the trade schools and the things that he's pushing with that, because that's where you can start making some really good money. We're always going to need people who can do stuff. What about us as caregivers? Are we, is our entire financial ecosystem, our entire profession contingent on the goodwill or the stability of one company? I would rather have it be contingent on my ability to hustle and get out there and be valuable in order to earn a paycheck. And that's what I did for years. And I made myself valuable and I kept learning and I still do. I still take online courses. I am pushing myself always to learn and to develop a new skill. And I'm not going out looking for a job at this point in my life. I have a path that I'm on. But that desire to never stop learning and learning new skills is deep within me. And I want to push myself to do that. So that's something we can do every year as a caregiver. And you say, well, Peter, I can't do that. You don't know how difficult my life is as a caregiver. Oh, I bet I could imagine. You know, come on, this is me you're talking to. Yes, I do. But we can learn something. Even if it's a cooking class, you can learn something and push yourself to learn something. Again, this is not legalism. This is just suggestions pointing you in the right direction. So 1-2-30. So one training class per year. Now, if you're working for someone, they're always going to give you an annual evaluation. That's just part of the corporate world. Why not ask for a second one? So what? It's informal. It doesn't have to be part of your formal one, but it could just be a conversation with your supervisor, with your boss, with your employer to just say, look, how am I doing? How are things going? What are you, what are you pleased with that I'm doing? What are some things that you'd like to see me do differently? Can you imagine what that would do to an employer to have an employee like that? That's that proactive about their own status in the company? and then use that as an opportunity to share with your employer. Look, I'm struggling as a caregiver. I have a lot of challenges on me, but I want to give a fair day's work to you. I want to make sure that you're happy with my performance. Don't wait for a year. A lot can happen in a year. It's like waiting for a year to find out if you've got high blood pressure. A lot can happen in that year. I came up with the three F's on that. F as in be forthright with your employer. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to give them all the gruesome details, but just let them know, hey, I've got this going on, but I wanted you to know and just have a forthright conversation. Give a fair day's work for pay. Make sure that they feel like they're getting their money's worth out of you and more. You know, you really give the best you have on the job. and then ask for flexibility. Don't ask for that first until you're forthright and give a fair day's work. But a lot of companies will be flexible with you. They'll be understanding if they don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. People need good workers right now. They really do. So be that good worker and then work around with flexibility because you're going to have, if you're covering a shift for somebody or you're covering the sales floor or whatever it is you're doing, nursing, whatever, you can't just keep depending on your coworkers to bail you out when you have an emergency. You're going to have to show that you can put your shoulder to the wheel as well. And that's important for us as caregivers to know that, to do that. And so be forthright, give a fair day's work, and then ask for flexibility. You never know what may happen. They may say, you know, if the workday starts at 8 to 4 or 8 to 5, they may say, you know what, if you want to come in at 7 to 3, if that helps you, that, you know, you never know. The answer is always no, T, ask. 1-2-30 Always give more. Scripture teaches this, and this is the way we should be as Christians. And then the third thing, the 30, one training class, one new skill, two performance meetings with your supervisor. One can just be informal, just have a cup of coffee and have a conversation, and then 30 minutes daily away from your desk or phone during office hours. Okay, get away from the place. 30 minutes. You're entitled to at least a 30-minute lunch. Get away from your phone. Get away from the desk. Just go clear your head. Go for a walk. Go sit on an apartment. Whatever. Just get away from it. That's something you can do in your profession. That's all I was able to get to today was the help part. Health, emotions, lifestyle, profession. How about we talk about money and endurance next time? That's helped me. But 1-2-30. You can break down a lot of the stress points for us as caregivers with just those three things. 1, 2, and 30. We'll see you next time.
As a Caregiver, do you often feel lost in someone else's story?
It happens.
Recovering your identity is the first step towards becoming a healthier caregiver. In this episode, we'll talk about "losing the melody" and how our vocabulary gives us away when we have lost our identity.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
"Fearless Even When Vulnerable" is one of the things Business Nitrogen CEO, David Asarnow, looks for in his clients - because he understands that concept better than most.
His passion, faith, and fearlessness have prompted him to stand up and make his voice heard in the aftermath of the terrorists attacks by Hamas against Israel.
David and I have been friends for many years, and I saw my friend's anguish and courage - so I invited him to the program to share his heart.
I am confident that you will be profoundly inspired by his words and passion.
"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! “May they be secure who love you!" - Psalm 122:6
Peter Rosenberger
HopeForTheCaregiver.com
Admittedly, it's hard for many to know what to say to a struggling caregiver. Yet, in the absence of not knowing what to say, people often say things that are unhelpful - or even more burdensome.
Here are three things to avoid telling caregivers - and suggestions for what to say instead.
Guideposts' Editor-in-Chief shares his deeply personal - and hopeful - journey of faith through his mother’s Alzheimer’s and his own fear of getting the disease.
From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday.
Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots.
“Work the problem and fly the plane.”
The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one’s eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes—particularly when piloting an aircraft.
Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer’s disease, alcoholism, or addiction—all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from “flying the plane.”
Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can’t. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers.
While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate “on-the-job training” environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That’s why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm and “work the problem and fly the plane.”
Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you. —Proverbs 4:25
What is something that YOU like?
It's been my experience that many caregivers struggle to express a heart's desire. Do you?
If so, listen to this opening monologue from my radio program that aired on 10/7/2023
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
A caller named Bill once shared on our caregiver program that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. His father has now suffered a stroke and requires extensive care—but sadly still drinks.
Even though Bill is over fifty with a wife and kids, he shared that he still feels like a terrified nine-year-old when he’s around his father.
Bill’s dad made his own decisions—ones that evidently did not involve a recovery plan. I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the fifty-year-old version of BILL—not the nine-year-old one.
Bill’s well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, while desirable, his father’s well-being does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill’s dad may not make it, but Bill must.
I commended Bill for ensuring his father’s safety and care despite the trauma the man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling.
Honoring your mother and father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction, or even abuse.
It’s ironic how we can still get hurt by something we’ve seen coming. —Anonymous
From Sept 30's broadcast.
We covered quite a bit of ground in this episode.
- Caregivers and Control (or the lack thereof)
- Caregivers and Content (what do we feel our minds with?)
- Caregiver and Comportment (would you trust your loved one to a physician who comported themselves like some of our elected officials have recently?
From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS- When Every Day Feels Like Monday."
Playing for Chickens
There’s an old story of a farmer who struggled to find ways to help his chickens lay more eggs. After trying numerous techniques, he heard of the beneficial effects of music and tried playing the flute for his chickens to help them lay more eggs. Sitting beside the coop, he diligently spent hours at a time performing beautiful songs in hopes of providing a better “egg-laying” environment.
After doing this for several weeks, he noticed the number of eggs never changed. Although tempted to be discouraged, he continued playing for his chickens. After watching this activity for some time, a neighbor finally asked the farmer why he kept playing his flute for the chickens when it did not affect their laying eggs.
The farmer replied, “The egg count didn’t improve, but my music did.”
As caregivers, we may try all sorts of things to improve or help our loved ones. Their challenges, however, remain beyond our control. We can, however, improve ourselves in the journey and quite possibly discover beautiful music along the way.
When we are no longer able to change a situation—we are challenged to change ourselves. —Victor Frankl
After teaching special education for 42 years, Debbra Laneville drew upon her vast experience to write what she learned in the classroom and in life from her students. Her new book is titled, You Can't Make This Up - Life Lessons from Special Kids.
www.speciallessons.com
“We’ve done everything possible to save this leg; all that’s left is amputation—when you’re ready, we’ll have that conversation.”
Those words came from Gracie’s surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg that
was crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie’s life, including me, had an opinion about this—and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart.
Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, “Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart and God’s leading.”
Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk—no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, “I’m terrified of doing this,” she whispered.
Gaining strength, she continued, “But I can’t live this way any longer—it’s got to come off.”
Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he’d be with her through the ordeal—and he kept his word.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache while assured they’re not alone.
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave
to your God to order and provide; in ev’ry
change he faithful will remain. Be still, my
soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through
thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
—“Be Still, My Soul,”
Katharina von Schlegel
In a recent report from the American Medical Association (AMA) a list of the highest burnout rates among physicians are:
Emergency medicine: 62%. Hospital medicine: 59%. Family medicine: 58%. Pediatrics: 55%. Obstetrics and gynecology: 54%. Internal medicine: 52%.
In this episode, I discuss our response as caregivers to this alarming report.
From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday."
As caregivers, we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding. Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure. Taking a step away from the caregiving realm, consider the “Slap heard around the world” at the 2022 Academy Awards. When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience, Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint. Maintaining his composure, Chris Rock continued with the show and walked away with nearly universal approval because he didn’t worsen an awful situation. Not only did he handle himself well on stage, but in the ensuing media frenzy, he remained quiet about the event. Rock chose to address the incident on his timing—when temperatures cooled. As caregivers, we regularly face situations that often tempt or provoke us into intense emotional reactions. Taking a page from Chris Rock, we can incorporate a simple strategy during uncontrollable experiences: Not making it worse counts as a win! When we restrain our emotions and master our response to any given circumstances, we live a bit calmer and can add more victories to the “win column.”
Liberty exists in proportion to wholesome restraint. —Daniel Webster
Robert Burns penned the line "...the best laid schemes of mice and men can go awry" more than 225 years ago in his poem "To A Mouse." The phrase seems appropriate for the constant changes to the best of plans. John Steinbeck turned the phrase for his classic, "Of Mice and Men," and the phrase in various forms permanently resides in her cultural lexicon. This is the phrase that came to mind over the last few days. On Friday (Sept 8th) Gracie was scheduled for another serious back operation (9 hours) in Denver. As we prepared to leave for the airport in Montana - the surgeon's PA called and said that a stress test Gracie had the week before showed something that concerned them about her heart. So, the surgery is postponed until she meets with a cardiologist (in two weeks). "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Drive By Diagnosis
The term "Drive-By Diagnoses" accurately captures the shared experiences of countless caregivers. It's as though passersby morph into experts, leaning out the window to offer advice on caring for loved ones, irrespective of their connection or expertise. Comments like "Have you considered a new drug?" or "I know someone who swears by this" often emerge. One might even stumble upon stories of the latest extract from a miracle plant thriving solely in some guy's backyard in New Guinea.
Worse still, discussions occasionally veer into divine judgment, implying wrongdoing as the cause of affliction. "What did you do that God would do this to you?!"
Despite many of these drive-by assessments arising from an unfortunate blend of ignorance and hubris, a few spring from well-intentioned hearts - albeit with clumsy delivery. Navigating unsolicited guidance proves a challenging path for caregivers. Fueled by desperation for relief, caregivers often teeter on the precipice of panic, and it takes little to drive them to yet another mirage in the desert of suffering.
However, caregivers gradually realize that genuine comfort doesn't sprout from the latest potion, pill, or charismatic figure waging war on television against the "demon of sickness." Peace emerges when embracing difficulties with measured acceptance while selecting the companionship of those who walk alongside with compassion and humility - rather than merely hurling suggestions as they drive by.
Scriptures remind us that even walking “…in the valley of the shadow of death," fear diminishes in God's presence. Yet, while God offers assurance, many opt for speculation and suggestions. Life remains rife with pain, suffering, solitude, and heartache – inescapable facets of the human journey. The book of Job teaches that more is going on than we can possibly understand – and hearts find strength, and circumstances become bearable when intentional companionship transcends uninvited consultations.
“Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life.” – Bernard Williams
The "silver tsunami" of aging Americans is here. Are the health needs of seniors different from those younger? Do medications have a different effect?
"I have seen it all. I have seen the business executive swindled by the neighbor, the loving wife who now chases her husband out of the house every night thinking he is an intruder, the woman who was treated with 40 medications… but still had pain, and agitation.
– Elizabeth Landsverk, MD
Dr. Liz Landsverk has over twenty years of experience in providing medical care to the elders. She is board-certified in Internal Medicine, Geriatric Medicine and Palliative Care Medicine. Dr Landsverk founded ElderConsult Geriatric Medicine, a house calls practice, to address the challenging medical and behavioral issues often facing older patients and their families.
Dr Landsverk was an assistant professor of Medicine at University of California, San Francisco, an adjunct professor of Medicine at Stanford University, as well as consultant to the San Francisco Elder Abuse Forensics Center and Hospice Medical Director. She is currently the Medical Director for Silverado and Kensington Dementia Care Communities, as well as on the Scientific Panel for the Alzheimer’s Association. Dr. Landsverk graduated from Stanford University and trained at Cambridge Hospital, Harvard University, and Mt Sinai Medical School.
As a House Calls Geriatrician, she collaborates with local physicians to address the needs of complicated vulnerable elders to alleviate pain, agitation and discomfort through the utilization of geriatric and palliative care techniques.
https://www.drlizgeriatrics.com/
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." - Robert Burns
You would think after nearly 40 years of caregiving, I'd get the travel thing down cold. But a recent trip to Denver for a medical consult turned into a challenging event. I learned that, even after all these years, I need to go back to the fundamentals.
A Path Through the Storm
When storms loom, media outlets often show footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and hunkering down. Caregiving is its own storm. Although sometimes receiving advance notice, caregiving can often descend like a tornado—and last a lifetime. If cameras followed caregivers, many daily activities might resemble the frantic bustle of those boarding homes and businesses. Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane. Incredulously, many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat. While the aftermath of hurricanes usually brings clearer skies that allow rebuilding, the lengthy caregiving storm usually ends at a cemetery—and the path to rebuilding appears shrouded in confusion, despair, and even desolation.
Yet a path through and following the storm does exist. It’s called endurance.
The challenges of caregiving can forge a resilience and resolve that spills into every area of life. Many faced with hardships lament, “How do I get out of this?” Caregivers (and others) can instead change that question to “What can I become through this?”
Entire marketing ads promote tempting versions of success that sadly ring hollow as the years pass. Endurance remains its own success while standing the test of time.
" . . . knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope . . ." —Romans 5:3–4 esv
[AV1]
Genevieve Collins, State Director (Texas) of Americans for Prosperity, joined the program to discuss how AFP advocates for citizens crushed by health care debt. Americans for Prosperity is the premier grassroots advocacy organization transforming policy around the country.
A major part of how they do that is to hear from individuals and families and allow them to share their stories - all the way to state houses and even Congress. Genevieve shares how AFP in Texas advocates for families with severe and chronic medical challenges - and provides a voice for those who feel voiceless.
As Genevieve instructs in the interview, caregivers in Texas can go to https://personaloption.com/health-care/texas/
When legislation happens in Texas - other states follow. Sharing your story and challenges can powerfully affect legislation in the Lone Star state - and even nationwide.
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For nearly 40 years, Peter Rosenberger has cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. HopeForTheCaregiver.com
"Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver, but most caregivers agree that it’s not complicated. Sometimes it’s just a bowl of soup and a kind word." - From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday.
What kind of relationship withstands the brutal onslaught of nearly four decades of medical trauma and 85+ operations?
Well, ours has - but not because of us. In this episode, I share the origins of our relationship as Gracie and I recently celebrated our 37th anniversary. Despite the challenges, my goofiness, and my lack of abilities, God continues to sustain Gracie and me through "sickness and health..." and equips us to continue "Standing With Hope." See more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Facing Our Giants
Before the famous altercation with Goliath, when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant, one of his embarrassed older brothers who camped at the battle scene furiously derided him. But King Saul heard about David, and astonishingly, the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath. Saul even put his tunic and armor on him. Saul was tall, but David wasn’t, and the king’s armor didn’t fit. Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb, David removed it and faced Goliath his way—depending upon God’s might. David recognized he couldn’t succeed while wearing something that didn’t fit him.
How many try to “conquer a Goliath” while wearing something that doesn’t fit? The conditions of our loved ones serve as formidable giants to us, and we can’t fight them while trying to be, do, and act like something that doesn’t fit us.
David faced Goliath with his familiar sling—and his even more familiar trust in God’s abilities. While not a trained soldier, David’s love and trust provided the courage to face a giant.
Most of us aren’t trained medical professionals—and we don’t have to be. When facing our giants, we can be ourselves and, with love and trust, remain confident the battle is the Lord’s.
“All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s.” —1 Samuel 17:47 niv
Author Beth Marshall shares her journey through grief and how she remains "Uncrushed."
www.bethgmarshall.com
Beth Marshall is a freelance journalist, conference speaker, and author of Grief Survivor and A Time to Heal, a grief journal. After losing close family members, she began to journal through the difficult days of grief. As she wrote about her loved ones and started connecting with others, she realized joy-filled life after loss is possible!
Harsh Judgment
Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington’s disease (HD) on my program, they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn’t understand the nature of HD. After repeated arrests for shoplifting, violent behavior, and other issues, the judge commented from the bench that she felt this resulted from “bad parenting.” Unable to address the court or defend themselves, the couple shared, “We had to take it on the chin.”
A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease that brutalizes both patients and their caregivers. Sadly, the judge chose to go with an uninformed decision—and a regrettable lack of compassion.
While the judge’s comments remain grievous, how many caregivers “don the black robe” and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon themselves while looking in the mirror?
Countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else.
Whatever we wish that judge to have said to this broken and despairing couple, we would benefit from posting that same message on our bathroom mirrors.
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. —Abraham Lincoln
Longtime friend, Dr. Dan Scott (Pastor, Counselor - and caregiver) called the program to discuss his new book, Faith In The Age of AI - Christianity through the Looking Glass of Artificial Intelligence.
If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives, it would look like a forest. Each day we’re faced with numerous choices—and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect, and we don’t know what to do next.
In those moments, we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step. The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down.
For that to happen, our decisions require “reduction.”
Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of “eating the elephant one bite at a time,” decision reduction helps us focus by redirecting our eyes from the myriad choices to the micro-steps in our path. Maybe the next right thing is to drink water, sit down with a bowl of soup, take a nap, or even go for a walk. Although the problem usually remains, we tackle it better with a calmer and more disciplined mind.
When offered this path, we invariably know the next right thing to do; we just usually need permission—not from others but ourselves.
The Bible supports this when affirming that God’s Word is “a lamp unto my feet.”
It’s a lamp, not a searchlight.
Do the next right thing—with the light provided.
Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. —Henry David Thoreau
Before you make that appointment with a counselor, take a few moments and do these things.
One of the toughest issues caregivers wrestle with - is guilt. In this episode, we discuss a path to deal with the guilt.
Aggressive Assurance
During a recent medical event with my wife, she received significant time with the acute pain
management team. To my surprise, they engaged me, asked questions, and solicited my thoughts as Gracie’s longtime caregiver. Recognizing that post-operative pain management with her is a bit of a trick, they listened as I shared numerous “incidents” from her long journey.
After relating her history, I added, “In my experience, I’ve found that one of the most effective ways to help her is ‘aggressive assurance.’ Constantly reinforcing, ‘We’ve got you—and we’re on top of this.’”
The pain management professor immediately jumped in and addressed his students, “I can’t agree more with the importance of assuring the patient— and easing the anxiety,” he stated emphatically.
“Chronic pain patients understand pain in ways we can’t because they live with it daily. They also know what it’s like to experience intractable pain and the terror involved when unable to
communicate—or the frustration of not being understood.”
The students, professor, and I talked a bit more, and I watched them scramble to take notes and remember the importance of aggressive assurance for patients in pain.
Later, the professor returned to the room and specifically asked to see me.
As he detailed the plan his team implemented to help Gracie, my eyes filled with tears when he looked at me and quietly said, “Caregivers also respond well to aggressive assurance.”
From caring comes courage. —Lao Tzu
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The word "Sustainability" is used extensively in regards to climate and energy - but what about for caregivers and those who seek to help caregivers?
Dr. Larry Frazier, author of A Story Behind Every Hymn joined the program to discuss his passion for telling the stories behind hymns. An outstanding vocalist (opera, oratorio, church music), Dr. Frazier also served as a professor of music at the University of West Georgia. His radio program, The Hymn of the Week, continues to inspire audiences with the rich heritage of Christian Hymns.
Dr. Frazier is also a caregiver for his wife, Mary Lynn.
https://faithmusicconnection.com/dr-larry-profile
One of the more challenging things that caregivers face is feeling disoriented. Caregiving hits are bodies, minds, emotions, professions, money, and relationships - often simultaneously.
We desperately need "situational awareness."
HopeForTheCaregiver.com
While many are accustomed to visiting or calling the elderly or informed - doing a welfare check - how many inquire about the caregiver?
Lt. Col. Oliver North, USMC, Ret. joined me for a special conversation about his life as a caregiver for his wife, Betsy. I sent the manuscript of my new book, A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday to Col. North's publishing company (Fidelis Publishing).
The manuscript resonated deeply with Col. North - who is in his own difficult caregiving journey. He not only expressed a great desire to publish this book but also graciously offered to write the foreword - which I included below:
Foreword by Oliver L. North
The Mayo Clinic diagnosis wasn’t good—but at least we had one, instead of guessing. After returning from an assignment as an embedded correspondent and host of War Stories on FOX News, I believed Betsy—the half-century-plus love of my life; my best friend on earth; mom to our four magnificent adult children; “Nan” to our eighteen terrific grandchildren—must have had a stroke.
Lots of people, including my own mother, recovered from strokes. Betsy will too, I hoped. I was wrong. After several days of carefully examining Betsy and countless images of her head and body, the extraordinary doctors at Mayo gently delivered their findings— verbally and in writing: “Your wife has a degenerative, asymmetric brain disorder called corticobasal syndrome . . . It is characterized by apraxia and rigidity on one side of the body . . . These symptoms are often accompanied by dementia and ‘cognitive disarray’ . . . As of now, it is incurable, and untreatable . . .”
My initial reaction to this devastating diagnosis was, "Betsy, you and I have been through a lot together. We have so many things planned for our “Golden Years”! I’m a U.S. Marine; we’re a team and followers of the Miracle Worker, Jesus Christ!"
We’re going to beat this evil malady.
But we haven’t.
Shortly after we returned home from Rochester, Minnesota, MajGen John Grinalds, USMC (Ret), and his wife, Norwood—dear friends since the 1970s when their examples led us to our faith in Christ—came to visit us. After listening to the diagnosis, John asked, “Who are you feeling sorry for, Betsy or you?” After thinking about it, I replied, “Me.” John nodded and said, “Your new mission, Marine, is become the very best caregiver Betsy will ever have on earth!”
Thus, began for me, the most challenging physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual experience of my eighty years on earth. That was nearly five years ago. Despite many months of reading, listening to “coaches,” viewing countless videos, even keeping company with several thousand terribly wounded Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Guardsmen, and Marines—and their families—I was exhausted and adrift on how to be Betsy’s caregiver.
Then, Peter Rosenberger sent his draft of this inspiring book. Finally, I thought, someone who knows what I’m going through. He’s been there, done that!
A Minute for Caregivers is now my “go-to” primer for every challenge I face in caring for my best friend. If being a caregiver to someone you love is part of your life, you need this book.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/book
My new book hits bookstores 5/31/2023. Each chapter offers 1-minute insights to help the family caregiver in THAT moment. Drawing upon a lifetime of caregiving, I speak to my fellow caregivers in a way that makes sense and settles their hearts down. I point them to safety.
Order the book today at:
- Faithful Text (special discount)
- Amazon
- Wal-Mart
- Barnes & Noble
Or wherever books are sold.
In our ongoing series of helping caregivers stay safe, we tackle fighting a battle while trying to be something we're not. Plus, we delve into five common financial missteps.
Emily Boothroyd of Merrit Finacial Advisors (www.merritfa.com) called the program to share insights for caregivers when dealing with finances. eboothroyd@meritfa.com
Sharing five things to avoid; two of them are:
- Staying silent
- Trying to do it all
Listen to the whole conversation and feel free to reach out to Emily for any questions you may have.
So ...you want to get remarried, and you're being asked to sign a prenup?
Have you considered having this conversation?
A note from a Hope for the Caregiver group on Facebook prompted this monologue from our broadcast.
Coming up with titles of books and articles that I write is never easy for me - here's how I came up with the title of my newest book and the celebrity that helped me.
I wrote a portion of this song in January - but finished it this week after the events at Covenant Presbyterian Church and the Covenant School. Gracie sang it Wednesday afternoon - and her heart broke as she sang these lyrics based in Psalm 102.
Some heartaches we face defy words - but words are not always required. In those moments, we groan, and "...grieve with those who grieve and mourn with those who mourn."
Our church home for many years, we watched with great sorrow to see the unspeakable tragedy at Covenant Presbyterian Church
I often encounter fellow caregivers struggling in horrific circumstances. And, I just as often unexpectedly encounter folks from all sorts of backgrounds who fight to find solid ground as caregivers. In this episode, I share some of those encounters and ask what your thoughts are about their circumstances - and what I offered.
All too often, caregivers fly under the radar and are often overlooked. Even when seen, many don't know what to say.
Sometimes, it's not about what you say, but how long you stay.
My friend Kathy Harris, ( www.divinedetours.com ) talks about her books and the writing process, the long career she's had in the Nashville music business, and her journey as a caregiver.
American Family Radio's Jim Stanley shares his thoughts on grief, sorrow, and ministry.
How many caregivers put their lives on hold until their caregiving journey improves or ends?
Is that a good idea?
I recently discussed something I am doing - while serving as a full-time caregiver, and invited fellow caregivers to do the same.
We can always live in the wreckage of our past and wonder what could have been - but is that helpful? Hoping for a better past is futile.
C.S. Lewis stated, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Roll With It
Discussing the impact of his wife getting the flu, I heard a man commiserate, "The whole system shut down." He lamented his plight by referring to housekeeping, meals, laundry, the children and missed time from work, and their physical relationship.
Asking how long her sickness lasted, he exasperatedly replied, "Four days!"
Calculating internally, I considered that I'd logged more than twelve thousand days caring for a wife with significant medical challenges. In a moment of uncharacteristic graciousness, I quietly exited that conversation because I didn't trust my judgment to avoid sarcasm – which would not have been helpful to either of us.
The unfair job description placed on his poor wife notwithstanding, a medical event can indeed derail plans and routines instantly. After recovering from the flu, a family can usually return to the familiar, but with a chronic impairment, "getting back on track" can often prove impossible. One must create a new normal within the abnormal. After nearly four decades as a caregiver through a medical nightmare that has soared to eighty-five operations, I'm learning to shake hands with ambiguity. Caregiving, like inclement weather, requires flexibility and creativity.
Routines remain essential, but peace of mind requires cannot be tethered to rigidity.
"When life is too much, roll with it, baby!" - Steve Winwood
From our broadcast 02/11/2023. Sometimes, law enforcement is required to help with caregiving challenges. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness, cognitive impairment - whatever the challenge, sometimes the cry for help is a 9/11 call. My friend Lance (*30 years as a police officer in Seattle) called the program to share some advice and insights for family caregivers facing those circumstances.
Mary Tutterow, author of The Heart of the Caregiver, shares her insights gleaned from 30+ years as a caregiving mom. https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/ From our broadcast 2/4/2022
From our broadcast 1/21/2023 with special guest Hans Scheil, host of the FINISHING WELL podcast.
Many caregivers are in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict - and spend enormous energy trying to "fix" or just contain the drama and challenges of that loved one.
We eventually discover we're powerless over their condition - sometimes after causing or experiencing great harm ourselves. Can we accept that - and if so, what do we do about it?
From the 1/7/23 broadcast.
Plus, a preview discussion of my new book hitting stores in May.
Looking at 2022, I take time for an assessment - and the opportunities for us as caregivers to improve.
"If we didn't need a cross, we wouldn't need a manger. This fresh, engaging look at the beginning of Jesus's life and ministry will change the way you comprehend Christ's early years. With unique, thought-provoking insights and commentaries from many of Christianity's leading theologians interspersed throughout, Epperson unwraps, layer by layer, a new understanding of the young boy who was the Son of Man." -
My wife, Gracie, joined me for this special Christmas interview and discussed why she loves the snow so much.
How are those four things connected? Take a listen to my opening monologue from the broadcast 12/17/2022
Colleen Swindoll Thompson's caregiving journey has included abuse, sexual trauma, and physical, emotional, and cognitive disabilities. Through it all, she's learned to run to Christ and anchor herself in God's faithfulness and provision - while helping her family and others do the same.
See more at her website: Reframingministries.com
Our special Thanksgiving program and also a special monologue regarding my op-ed in the Washington Times. See Text Below.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Peter Rosenberger
HopefortheCaregiver.com
Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment, malice, and even self-destruction. While life provides ample opportunities to hold a grudge, the resistance to do so remains a triumph of the human soul. Sadly, that triumph can be elusive - and seems to be the plight of the 45th President. From barbed comments against those in his party and the pulpit-pounding of outrage, Trump's resentment oozes through each insult since the 2020 election (and prior). Although an honest media and objective law enforcement might possibly prove his election misconduct claims, Trump's well-being remains in his hands – not theirs.
In the play, The Mourning Bride (1697), William Congreve penned the immortal phrase, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Clearly, Congreve had yet to meet a spurned politician while writing that line.
Artists possess a rare gift that turns personal misery into gold. People such as Sam Kinison, Denis Leary, Lewis Black, and others proved that with solid material, rancor and bitterness could even launch stellar comedy careers. With politicians, however, the audience needs more. Wit, comedy, and talent help, but the oratory must primarily raise – not descend to vindictiveness.
Outrage motivates but fails to inspire.
Although living with quadriplegia for more than 55 years, Joni Eareckson Tada states, "Life becomes inspiring, not in spite of the problems and the hard hits, but because of them."
The ability to see beyond the injuries and even injustices elevates one to greatness.
Trump's accomplishments will speak for generations – maybe further. His policies of America first, a secure border, firm boundaries with trade partners and economic growth for the American people created a prosperous and healthy America in record time. Those things deserve recognition and should echo through the corridors of time.
Due largely to Trump, the Supreme Court finally rectified a national disgrace and reversed Roe vs. Wade. While the political capital spent proved costly in the midterm elections, what better way to expend that capital than promoting life? These accomplishments and more serve as towering achievements for Trump that eclipse many other Presidents. All of these things and more certainly qualify him for another term.
Yet, while wrecking balls are essential in tearing down the dilapidated, they make poor tools to erect new construction. Can Trump pivot to a “kinder, gentler” candidate? Should he?
Despite exposing the media's bias and the extensive dysfunction in Washington DC, the transition to uniter has remain outside Trump's grasp. Relentless fighting on multiple fronts allows little time for building - and turning adversaries into allies requires a graciousness that is rare with the bloody sword of warfare.
As the nation enters this uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving, President Trump would not only serve himself, the country, and even the world better by using his unique platform to promote personal and national gratitude – to the exclusion of grievances. In doing so, he (and others) would discover that under quality leadership, mistakes – and even misdeeds by others – become opportunities for growth and improvement.
America does not crave a monarchy but most cry for nobility. The invitation to nobleness bids takers to step into the rare air of authentic leadership and greatness that can heal a nation and inspire beyond its flaws and limitations. If, as Trump states in every rally, we are a nation that only bows to God, then modeling that humility before God becomes paramount – and presidential.
Are the gains for one man, for the nation, or for God?
Katharine Lee Bates answered this when penning, "…Till all success be nobleness and every gain divine."
On Friday, November 18, 1983, Gracie suffered the terrible car accident that permanently changed her life - and made a mark on so many others. In this episode, she recounts that day - and joins me to share her thoughts about her 39-year journey.
www.standingwithhope.cm/about
At Walter Reed ArmyMedical Center years ago, I listened to a man who, although missing both legs, cracked jokes with a contagious sense of humor. The soldier’s face quickly clouded over, however, when I pointedly asked him how things were back home.
Looking down at his new prosthetic legs, he whispered, “My marriage is on the rocks, and it doesn’t look good.” The loss of his legs didn’t keep him from joking, but the wounds of his heart silenced the laughter.
In that same PT room, Gracie, walked over to a soldier missing his right leg and lying on a table working with a physical therapist. Greeting him, the soldier rudely snarled at her. The physical therapist awkwardly tried to smooth things over and told the soldier that he might want to listen to Gracie.
Swearing, he brusquely communicated his aversion.
Although stunned, Gracie quickly composed herself and, holding a nearby railing, propped her right prosthetic foot (encased in a beautiful shoe, I might add) next to his head. He'd only seen her from the waist up, but his eyes turned to witness Gracie balancing on her left prosthetic leg.
"You're not the only amputee in here, big guy," she said while staring at him.
As the two of them locked eyes, the soldier in him nodded, and they talked for a while. He shared with her that he lost his leg from friendly fire, and his resentment from being hurt by his team remained apparent.
Showing her own weaknesses and demonstrating the courage to overcome them, Gracie confronted someone drowning in resentment over wounds that should not have happened. In the process, they both walked further down the path of recovery.
For a special Veterans Day episode, I interviewed Fernando Arroyo. Privileged to serve those who served our country, Fernando's passion is to help end veteran suicide. Working as the Veterans Program Director at Step Forward Academy, Fernando also assists veterans transitioning to civilian life. Drawing upon his own journey from military to civilian life, Fernando helps fellow bets find a path to a living wage and connects them to a healthy community. www.paratrooperarroyo.com
"Let Me Be Brutally Honest."
A recent article listed annoying phrases permeating our culture's conversation. Statements like, "I'm sorry if I offended you" or "At the end of the day," were, of course, included – but an additional phrase buried in the list captured my attention:
"Let me be brutally honest."
Most at the receiving end of that phrase can affirm that what follows leans more towards brutal rather than honest.
Like a fighter adjusting an opponent's chin to deliver a knockout punch, "let me be brutally honest" is often a setup to a haymaker. Those who lead with that phrase are not asking for consent. And it's doubtful they will accept "no" before charging ahead. Furthermore, while honesty often requires discretion, it does not need permission.
And who wants to allow brutal treatment?
Hearing that phrase from others is bad enough, but how many caregivers speak 'brutally honest" with themselves? Not with the intent to reform but rather to rebuke.
Candid conversations offer clarity of circumstances without the berating. "Despite my mistakes, here's what's working– and what can improve."
Constructive words and a softer tone (with others and ourselves) won't absolve failures and missteps but can promote a more honest evaluation – minus the brutality.
The brutally honest person enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more. – Richard J. Needham
Boundaries can be troublesome for anyone - but many caregivers seem to struggle with boundaries daily.
In this special monologue from the broadcast, I delve into this issue - and more.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Extra Space and Support
I recently returned to the doctor to seek additional help with my left foot's ongoing – and vexing – problem. Patiently pointing out where my arch was falling, he identified the culprit as an "…excessive number of birthdays."
Showing me a shoe insert that he uses, he said, "Your days of walking barefoot or wearing shoes without arch supports are over. Get the support you need – and then get a wider shoe."
Following his orders, I ordered the inserts he recommended for my boots and a new pair of wider sneakers. Extra support and more space seem to be doing the trick.
Despite now possessing several pairs of shoes that will find themselves dropped off at the "Nearly New," I learned an excellent principle for family caregivers.
We benefit from the extra support of family, friends, doctors, counselors, and clergy - and we desperately need space from toxic individuals who criticize or even those who consume our time white-boarding solutions like, "Have you tried this? What about doing this?"
While many yearn for 'big victories," sometimes the win for caregivers can be a less painful walk through the often drama-filled caregiving journey.
Relationships, like shoes, aren't worth much if they're painful.
"If the shoe fits, wear it.” – Unknown
If you find this podcast meaningful, help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
How do you help anchor someone with a lifetime of abnormal circumstances to normalcy? How do you help yourself do so?
I recently discussed this on the show - as well as provided a few insights into the extraordinary person that is my wife, Gracie.
Gospel artist, Pam Weston, called the program to share her incredible musical journey as an artist and songwriter. For years she's worked with a who's who of Nashville greats. But it was her song, Mama Can't Remember, that caught my ear and heart. The song was written about her mother, Charlotte, and Pam shares the story of her family and Alzheimer's.
Pam's story will touch your heart - and her tender performance of Mama Can't Remember will stay with you long after the song ends.
www.pamwestonministries.com/
From the national broadcast 10/15/2022.
Keeping it light is a must for caregivers and in the first block, I share a few recent things that made me laugh along the way. Gracie, of course, rolls her eyes at me - but she would still admit the humor of it all. (Not to be outdone, btw, Gracie can give it out better than most and she's a force of nature!) In the second block, we talk about the importance of caregivers staying SAFE when dealing with unstable relationships.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Are you safe legally? If not, visit www.caregiverlegal.com!
Mary Tutterow joined me today in a long-form interview exclusively for the podcast. Bringing more than 30 years of experience in caring for her daughter who suffers from an extreme seizure disorder, Mary offers hardwon insights into the deep and often troubled hearts of family caregivers.
https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/about/
"We've done everything possible to save this leg, all that's left is amputation – when you're ready, we'll have that conversation."
Those words came from Gracie's surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg - crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie's life, including me, had an opinion about this – and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart.
Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, "Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart – and God's leading.”
Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk – no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, "I'm terrified of doing this," she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, "But I can't live this way any longer – it's got to come off."
Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he'd be with her through the ordeal – and he kept his word.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done, but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache – while assured that they’re not alone.
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to your God to order and provide; in ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. – Kathrina von Schlegel
From our 10-8-2022 broadcast
In our fast-paced life, we are often tempted to make hurried decisions. For caregivers, the speed and pressure intensify - and the decision-making suffers.
A listener shared his plight, frustration, and actions he considered while caring for his ailing mother.
Have you ever grasped at straws while desperately trying to deal with the challenges of caregiving?
In America, the "coin of the realm" is the dollar. Metaphorically, in Washington DC, the currency - the coin of the realm - is power. In LA, it's fame - but what is the coin of the realm in God's economy? What has value to God - and how does it relate to us as family caregivers?
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
While in Ghana with our prosthetic limb outreach, Standing With Hope, Gracie and I visited a church in the port city of Tema. Following the service, I met a tall, impressive man wearing a flowing white traditional costume with gold trim. With a thick English/Ghanian accent, I heard him introduce himself as “…de King,’ Amos.”
Never meeting a king, I felt a bit tongue-tied and stammered, “Sir, I apologize – I don’t know how to properly address you.”
With a huge smile, he offered in his deep voice, “Just call me “Amos.”
“Sir, I can’t just call you that,” I replied – but he graciously continued chatting. Shortly after, while attending a reception with the pastor, I exclaimed, “I just met the King!”
With a perplexed look, the pastor asked, “What King?”
“The King, Amos,” I replied.
Thinking for a minute, the pastor exploded in laughter and spoke in his native language to the room full of Ghanaians – who also started chuckling.
Sheepishly, I asked him to explain.
With his equally thick Ghanian accent, the pastor laughed and shared. “You met a church officer, ‘Dea-con’ Amos – not ‘De King,’ Amos.”
Perceptions often cloud hearing. The man looked regal – and perception allowed my ears to misinterpret. While my mistake only resulted in laughter, many misconstrued conversations can result in hurt feelings, resentment, and fractured relationships.
Caregiving breeds isolation and isolation distorts perception – which leads to significant challenges. Asking for clarification, regardless of embarrassment, always trumps misunderstanding.
Studies have shown that 90% of error in thinking is due to error in perception. - Edward de Bono
Sometimes, we're faced with such difficult circumstances - and it's hard to know how to respond. A woman asked Gracie and me what to do when her son chose to be transgendered - and was angry with her for keeping pictures of him as a boy in her home.
I discuss a couple of these in my recent broadcast (9/17/2022)
My friend Susanne White joined the program to discuss her new book: Self-Care for Caregivers.
From Susanne's site www.caregiverwarrior.com
"As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers” which will be released September 6, 2022. “Self Care for Caregivers” will be available at all major retail outlets including an audio version so you can listen on the go!"
Tom and Amanda Dwyer called the program to discuss their new documentary about a caregiving family titled "UNSEEN."
https://www.facebook.com/caregiverdoc
https://www.instagram.com/caregiverdoc/
About the “Unseen” Documentary www.caregiverdoc.com
The film follows Jess and Ryan Ronne, a blended family with 8 children, including Lucas, who has profound disabilities requiring total care. Their situation has gotten more and more challenging as Lucas gets older and stronger. With limited resources and support, caregiving takes a toll on their physical and mental health.
It’s a common story among parent caregivers: the isolation, uncertainty about the future, lack of options, and a never-ending daily to-do list means the role of caregiver overpowers nearly every other facet of life. Video diaries from diverse caregivers featured in the film illustrate this universality, while interviews with mental health experts and policy/legal advocates provide a broader view on the societal impacts.
Through the power of unfiltered, compelling human stories, Unseen cultivates compassion and tangible support for the caregivers in our communities.
Fly the Plane. Work the Problem
Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots.
"Fly the plane, work the problem."
The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot.
Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane."
Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers.
While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem."
"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." - Proverbs 4:25
Dr. Betsy McCaughey chairs the Committee to Reduce Infection Deaths - and she joined the program to share their work and ways for patients (and their caregivers) to reduce their risk of contracting infections while in the hospital, assisted care, rehab, or other institutional care facilities.
With Gracie's medical history spanning nearly 40 years and containing more than 80 operations, we've lost track of how many days she (and I) spent in hospitals. But we can count the infections Gracie contracted while inpatient. MRSA, Staph, and so many others added more significant challenges to her already difficult journey - which is why I appreciated Dr. McCaughey coming on the program.
Visit their website and see more at https://hospitalinfection.org/, and you can also download their free brochure, 15 Steps You Can Take To Reduce Your Risk of Getting a Hospital Infection.
You ever struggle to hold your tongue while answering questions at the doctor's office? Gracie's been treated by more than 100 physicians - and we've had our share of exasperating and hilarious moments. In this episode from the broadcast, I share one that fits both categories!
Then I follow it up with the 3 P's to use when dealing with physicians.
For more, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives, it would look like a forest. Each day we’re faced with numerous choices – and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect, and we don’t know what to do next.
In those moments, we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step. The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down.
For that to happen, our decisions require “reduction.”
Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of “eating the elephant one bite at a time,” decision reduction helps us focus by redirecting our eyes from the myriad of choices to the micro-steps in our path. Maybe the next right thing is to drink some water, sit down with a bowl of soup, take a nap or even go on a walk. Although the problem usually remains, we tackle it better with a calmer and more disciplined mind.
When offered this path, we invariably know the next right thing to do; we just usually need permission – not from others but ourselves.
The Bible supports this when affirming that God’s word is “…a lamp unto my feet.”
It’s a lamp – not a searchlight. Do the next right thing – with the light provided.
“Not until we are lost do we being to understand ourselves.”- Henry David Thoreau.
If you find this podcast meaningful - please help us continue do this. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
I met Jon and Cindi Hampshire more than 40 years ago at Columbia Bible College (Now Columbia International University). https://www.ciu.edu/
The Hampshires work for Wycliffe Bible Translators and have served the Democratic Republic of Congo for 30+ years.
They didn't know it, but I based much of my outreach to caregivers on their model at Wycliffe Bible Translators. I invited them to the program to share their life, work, and journey of trusting God - even when they lost everything when they had to once flee the country they served.
https://wycliffe.org/partner/Hampshire
Jon and Cindi Hampshire became Wycliffe members in 1988 and serve with SIL Eastern Congo Group - supporting the work of Bible translation in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Jon serves as branch director, overseeing the work of Bible translation, literacy, and scripture engagement in the DRC. Cindi serves as prayer coordinator for the branch and works in finance as well. They now reside in Bunia, a town located in the east of the country where their office is located. Jon and Cindi are excited to see Bible translation move forward in the Congo, and to see Congolese believers hold key leadership positions in the Bible translation movement. Please prayerfully consider joining their Wycliffe ministry team through prayer and/or financial partnership.
From Asia to Africa, the Middle East, Europe, and beyond, the global persecution of Christians becomes more ominous with every passing year. Author Lela Gilbert called the program to discuss her new book, Heroic Faith Hope Amid Global Persecution. The book’s true stories of courage, persistence, and faithfulness offer inspiration and hope. Heroic Faith also provides insights into the ideologies behind hostility and persecution, what steps the US government might take to assist, and how listeners can best respond to the struggles of the faithful.
Written with Arielle Del Turco and Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin, Lela Gilbert lifts our eyes through this conversation and this book to see the global challenges faced by our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Every caregiver - and I do mean EVERY caregiver will struggle with what I call the "3 I's."
We lose our independence, we become isolated, and we lose our identity.
During my ten years on the air, I've discussed these things often - and felt a refresher for myself was in order.
I go into further detail in my book Hope for the Caregiver.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books
Please share this episode with as many as possible ...all too many caregivers struggle in isolation, and this episode will help them learn how to push back against that isolation, as well as the loss of identity and independence.
If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider supporting it at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Every caregiver - and I do mean EVERY caregiver will struggle with what I call the "3 I's."
We lose our independence, we become isolated, and we lose our identity.
During my ten years on the air, I've discussed these things often - and felt a refresher for myself was in order.
I go into further detail in my book Hope for the Caregiver.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books
Please share this episode with as many as possible ...all too many caregivers struggle in isolation, and this episode will help them learn how to push back against that isolation, as well as the loss of identity and independence.
If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider supporting it at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Before the famous altercation with Goliath, when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant, one of his embarrassed older brothers camped at the battle scene furiously derided him. But King Saul heard about David, and astonishingly, the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath. Saul even put his tunic and armor on him. Saul was a tall man, but David wasn't, and the king's armor didn't fit. Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb, David removed it and faced Goliath his way – depending upon God's might. David recognized he couldn't succeed while wearing something that didn't fit him. How many try to "conquer a Goliath" while wearing something that doesn't fit? The conditions of our loved ones serve as formidable giants to us, and we can't fight them while trying to be, do, and act like something that doesn't fit us. David faced Goliath with his familiar sling – and his even more familiar trust in God's abilities. While not a trained soldier, David’s love and trust provided the courage to face a giant. Most of us aren't trained medical professionals - and don't have to be. When facing our giants, we can be ourselves and, with love and trust, remain confident that the battle is the Lord's. “And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's” – 1 Samuel 17:47 (KJV)
My longtime friend, Lynn Vander Woude Aho joined me from across the world in the South Pacific Kingdom of Tonga. She regularly listens to the program there and uses information from this program to help caregivers in Tonga.
As she shares her heart and passion for ministry and missions, I am confident you will be touched and inspired by Lynn's story
Known around the country as "The Christian Car Guy," Robbie Dilmore called the show and shared his caregiving experiences with his mother-in-law. As he and his wife continue to grow closer through this process, he credits their common adversary: His alcoholic and abusive mother-in-law.
Sharing how they cope and even thrive, Robbie then donned his "Christian Car Guy" hat to give great tips on increasing fuel efficiency. Even when gas - hopefully- returns to sane prices, these tips apply all the time and can save us money immediately!
In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but in caregiving, it's the calendar. While emergencies demand an immediate response, quick actions for caregivers often result in several battles on multiple fronts. Nothing stretches a caregiver too thin like rushing to a crisis- while already embroiled in one. "Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly." - Don Diego to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro. In the long journey of caregiving, caregivers benefit from incorporating "discretionary valor." For many caregivers (including me), the default is to hurl ourselves or our opinions recklessly at situations that require neither. Being still often takes enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to - or when not to - act often reflects extraordinary wisdom and courage. It's hard to "stay at one's post" when it seems everything is falling apart. Yet one's mettle is often tested by not interfering when things get dicey. Sometimes, others need to experience failure in order to grow. Hampering that experience inhibits their growth. Although not often valued, discretionary valor remains one of the most critical attributes a caregiver can utilize. While soldiers receive medals reflecting bravery under duress, our medals for discretionary valor appear differently. Our awards reflect peace of mind, less drama, and a good night's sleep.
"Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown
This question is often asked of me. Many think because they are a parent, then they're a caregiver. Nurses, CNAs, and other medical personnel - are family caregivers, right?
In this opening monologue from August 6, 2022, we discuss this issue. First and foremost, family caregivers don't receive a paycheck. Then, there are other significant differences.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
A frustration point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be – but choices beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit to trying to force solutions on more than one occasion – only to frustrate myself, my wife, and who knows how many others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I’ve tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large box that I call “The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem.”
Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment.
For me, the box is genuine,
and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things - He’s better at carrying them than me. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet I can affirm that each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them.
Letting go of what is impossible to carry helps me live more peacefully with equally impossible circumstances.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4 (KJV)
Drawing upon nearly 50 years as a teaching pastor and 25+ years as a caregiver, Rob Morgan brings a wealth of understanding and experience to today's challenging issues.
Following the death of his wife, Rob candidly shares his thoughts and experiences while anchoring himself and others in the Scripture. Teaching on the book of Revelation, Rob recently authored THE 50 FINAL EVENTS IN WORLD HISTORY. In this new book, Rob shares how he draws encouragement from this book that confuses and even frightens so many.
(www.robertjmorgan.com)
In the 1985 Western Silverado, Sheriff John Langston (played by British actor John Cleese) obligingly led a posse after two brothers following the breakout of one from the town jail. While chasing the men (whose crimes were questionable), the posse rounded a bend to unexpected gunfire from one of the brothers' companions. As his deputy urged them to push on by yelling, "… they're almost out of our jurisdiction," a bullet clipped the sheriff's hat and sent it flying.
Turning his horse around, Cleese states in his wonderfully clipped British accent, "Today, my jurisdiction ends here!"
Returning to town, Sheriff Langston lived to fight another day.
Sometimes, our jurisdiction as caregivers requires reassessing. Many can recall feeling pressure (either from others or ourselves) to "right a wrong," seek satisfaction or try to force an issue. Yet that pressure can lead us outside our scope of responsibility. Leaving our territory can easily result in unpleasant circumstances – for us, our loved ones, and others.
At times, the temptation to chase after the "…ones that got away" can feel compulsory. In those moments, we serve ourselves well by asking, "How important is this?'
Addressing that question helps reestablish our jurisdiction – and can allow us to fight another day.
“You got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run.” – The Gambler, Don Schlitz
From our July 16, 2022 program.
Have you ever had someone say something strange, insensitive, or even weird to you - and a flood of responses immediately filled your mind? Sometimes, we save ourselves from unnecessary drama when we "bite our tongues and learn to like the taste of blood!"
But it can torque our brain to do so ...doesn't it? Who knows, though - we may get a funny story out of it that brings laughter years later.
After twice doing the Heimlich Maneuver on my wife, I knew there had to be a better way. I saw the Founder and CEO of LifeVac, Arthur Lih discussing his company's amazing product - and I invited him to call the program.
As is usually the case with a product like this, there's a moving story behind the invention. Take a listen to Arthur - and make sure to get a LIFEVAC device for your home TODAY!
www.lifevac.net
John Knox of the Opt Institute shared the new study about adoption that his organization commissioned by George Barna. Committed to helping individuals understand the opportunities to choose life and adoption.
So many loving families want to adopt a child - even a special needs child - and we want to help share that opportunity that many mothers may not realize.
“We can’t ever give up on the good that can come from private infant adoptions.” - John Knox, - The Opt Institute
https://www.optinstitute.org/
In the wake of yet another shooting, details emerge of a highly disturbed young man in Highland Park - with problems known to the family, community, and authorities.
While the obligatory wrangling over the 2nd amendment and gun control rages on, how can we respond to this and potentially horrific events waiting on the horizon?
Former governor of Wisconsin Marty Schreiber watched his beloved wife, Elaine, gradually transform from the woman who had gracefully entertained in the Executive Residence to one who no longer recognized him as her husband.
In My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver, Marty candidly counsels those taking on this caregiving role. More than an account of Marty’s struggles in caring for his wife, My Two Elaines also offers sage advice that respects the one with Alzheimer’s while maintaining the caregiver’s health. As two-thirds of those with Alzheimer’s are women, he offers special guidance for men thrust into an unexpected job. With patience, adaptability, and even a sense of humor, Marty shows how love continues for his Second Elaine. https://mytwoelaines.com/
Rev. Percy McCray Jr. has spent more than 20 years ministering to cancer patients and their caregivers at Cancer Treatment Centers of America® (CTCA). He recognizes cancer care ministry as a special calling from God and considers faith a key but often overlooked component of cancer treatment.
He now serves as the Director of Faith-Based Programs at CTCA® and provides leadership to the pastoral care staff at all five CTCA hospitals. In addition, Rev. McCray oversees Our Journey of Hope®, a nationwide cancer care ministry training, and support program.
An ordained minister, Rev. McCray is a member of the U.S. Chaplain Association.
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As a caregiver, do you feel protected for your legal needs? How would you like the assurance of an entire law firm - for less than $30 per month - in five easy steps?
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Click on the link' www.caregiverlegal.com
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Select LEGAL SHIELD ( in purple) on the left-hand side.
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Select GET A PLAN (in orange)
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Add supplements (optional - leave unchecked if no supplements are needed)
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Check out and call the law firm for all your legal needs. (Wills, POA, DNR, Medical Power of Attorney, traffic tickets, and any other legal needs you have.)
As caregivers, we can sometimes find a phrase in a song, poem, story, or an old hymn that sticks with us and helps us see a greater truth. Such is the case with this phrase I heard from a hymn so familiar I can almost play it in my sleep - yet this line recently hit me as a great reminder for me as a caregiver.
Singer/Songwriter Gary Chapman called the show to discuss Father's Day. From his iconic song FATHER'S EYES to caring for his father, Fatherhood has come to define Gary professionally and personally.
https://www.facebook.com/garychapmanmusic
Saturday Night Live Alum Jim Breuer remains one of my favorites of all the interviews I've done.
With all the craziness in the world, we could use a laugh - so I'm resharing. Please take a moment to laugh again with us for this heartfelt and hilarious interview
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Legendary comedian Milton Berle (Mr. Television) once stated, "Laughter is an instant vacation."
As caregivers, we certainly shed plenty of tears, but do we laugh?
Caregivers certainly top the list of those needing an "instant vacation," but few give themselves permission to book the trip. When our life remains so full of harsh realities, how can laughter be appropriate?
In this episode, I invite fellow caregivers to take an instant vacation with me as we laugh for a bit.
"...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" Ecclesiastes 3:4
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
In Uvalde, the shooter’s grandmother faced the rage of a troubled grandson and, according to multiple reports, a daughter with a history of drug use. At least one incident required law enforcement to the home of the shooter’s mother – and neighbors and relatives knew of the turbulent relationship between son and mother. Mental issues and drug abuse create a toxic brew of chronic impairments that will not resolve independently. Those challenges hopelessly outmatch even the best of grandmothers.
In the case of Nicolas Cruz, who killed students at Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018, law enforcement made 39 visits to the gunman’s home – most of the calls seemingly from his mother. A few months following his mother’s death, Nicolas Cruz massacred 17 people.
Sometimes, a family caregiver is the last line of defense between a killer and society.
A caller to my show for family caregivers discussed her mother’s increasing dementia. As the story unfolded, she related how her drug-addicted brother habitually stole from her mother and acted abusively towards her. The caller then shared that her brother, although a felon, kept a firearm under his bed and that she regularly feared for her safety. Asking why she didn’t call the police about her dangerous brother, she finally broke down and sobbed on the air. Through tears, she shared that her brother threatened that if she called the police, he would expose moral issues she had before becoming a Christian.
Her embarrassment and shame compromised her safety from an armed and unstable brother. Gently explaining to her the nature of Christ, who forgives, redeems, and never blackmails, I encouraged her to protect herself and her mother by calling the authorities – that day.
A year later, she phoned the program and sounded like a different person. After calling the police, her brother was arrested and entered a treatment plan. With exuberance in her voice, she shared that she and her brother have started the path of reconciliation. While her story took a better turn, many caregivers living close to an armed and disturbed individual suffer tragic outcomes – like what happened in Uvalde.
Despite the best political minds and arguments, the human heart remains outside the jurisdiction of any legislation. The Ten Commandments contain no ambiguity and came directly from God, yet politicians today think their laws will triumph where God’s did not.
Read the entire Article at Foxnews.com
Author Kate Dreston shares her new book of devotions for those with a loved one facing terminal illness.
Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington’s disease (HD) on my program, they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn’t understand the nature of HD. After repeated arrests for shoplifting, violent behavior, and other issues, the judge commented from the bench that she felt this was a result of “bad parenting.” Unable to address the court or defend themselves, the couple simply shared, “…we had to take it on the chin.”
A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease that brutalizes both patient and their caregivers. Sadly, the judge chose to go with a uniformed decision – and a regrettable lack of compassion.
While the judge’s comments remain grievous, how many caregivers “don the black robe” and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon themselves while looking in the mirror? Countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else. Whatever we wish for that judge to have said to this broken and despairing couple, we would benefit from posting that same message on our own bathroom mirrors.
“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” – Abraham Lincoln
If you find this podcast meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
I asked Chaplain (Lt. Colonel) Michael Frazier, US Army, Ret. to join me for this special Memorial Day edition of Hope for the Caregiver. As the son of a navy chaplain myself, I remain deeply moved by the rich history of Chaplains in the armed forces of the United States. In the opening monologue, I discuss a Memorial moment in scripture that continues to stir my heart, and then Chaplain Frazier shares insights, history, and poignant experiences from his military career. I encourage you to share this powerful episode with as many as you can. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As a caregiver, do you ever feel you are pushing yourself in the "No Huddle Offense" and not taking time to build a plan - all while the "clock" serves as your enemy?
Well, I know I do. So I talked about this in today's episode.
If you find our podcast meaningful, please consider helping us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
I like to talk with fellow caregivers who keep working and doing what brings oxygen to their souls - while caregiving. Such is the case with award-winning novelist Ethan Burroughs. Back with another geopolitical thriller, Burroughs draws upon his extensive career in the middle east to reveal things that will astonish and captivate readers from the West - particularly those struggling to understand today's headlines and the extensive turmoil in the Middle East.
Lifelong friend and a fellow South Carolinian, I asked Ethan to join me on the program and share his incredible books and his extensive grasp of Middle Eastern history and culture. Captivated by his books, I asked him, "Which parts are fiction and which are true?"
His frank answer, "The Terrifying Parts Are True!"
www.ethanburroughs.com
Ethan T. Burroughs has dedicated much of the last two decades to exploring the Middle East and slowly unraveling its mysteries. His encounters have taken him to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Israel, and the Palestinian Territories. He has studied the history, faith, cuisine, language, and culture of the lands which continue to grab our headlines as we search for an elusive peace. He has enjoyed spending significant time with characters similar to those depicted in this account, including our unsung patriots in the Departments of State and Defense. He is a U.S. Army veteran, former teacher, healthcare, business, political consultant, and aspiring storyteller.
May Is HD Awareness month, and our guests for this episode were Drs. Elton and Laquita Higgs. The couple adopted a little girl many years ago - who developed Huntington's Disease (HD). One of the most horrific diseases on the planet, HD eventually cost their daughter her life - but not before she had a daughter who also developed the genetic (and terminal) illness.
Listen to their inspiring and insightful story - from their book, SHATTERED DREAMS - BUT HOPE: Encouragement for Caregivers of Huntington’s Disease and Other Progressive Illnesses
For more information on HD, please visit HDSA.org (The Huntington’s Disease Society of America)**
As caregivers, we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding. Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure.
Taking a step away from the caregiving world, consider the “Slap heard around the world” at the 2022 Academy Awards. When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience, Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint. Maintaining his composure, Chris Rock continued with the show and walked away with nearly universal approval because he didn’t worsen an awful situation. Not only did he handle himself well on stage, but in the ensuing media frenzy, he remained quiet about the event. Rock chose to address the incident on his timing – when temperatures cool.
As caregivers, we regularly face situations that often tempt or provoke us to intense emotional reactions. Taking a page from Chris Rock, we can incorporate a simple strategy into often uncontrollable experiences: Not making it worse, counts as a win!
When we restrain our emotions and master our response to any given circumstances, we live a bit calmer and can add more victories to the “win column.”
In my recent interview with Mighty Oaks Foundation's Jeremy Stalnecker, we discussed ways the organization is addressing the intense needs of those who wore - and wear - the uniform. https://www.mightyoaksprograms.org/
"The Mighty Oaks Foundation is committed to serving the brokenhearted by providing intensive peer-based discipleship through a series of programs, outpost meetings, and speaking events. Our Mighty Oaks Warrior Programs hosts such Men, Women, and Marriage Advance Programs at multiple locations nationwide. The Warriors who attend are fully sponsored for training, meals, and lodging needs to ensure that upon arrival to the ranch, each Warrior is focused solely on his or her recovery and identifying purpose moving forward."
Fretting Is Exhausting
My high school chemistry teacher’s name was, no kidding, Mr. Faile. While a hilarious and exceptional teacher, he made the dreaded (for some) class even more daunting by posting a sign over the chalkboard that read, “Flunk Now and Avoid The Rush.”
For those born after 1980, a chalkboard was an ancient education device that doubled as a screeching torture machine.
That sign still sticks with me, and I’ve appropriated the message into other areas of my life – particularly as a caregiver. Accepting reality and not delaying the inevitable becomes a path of wisdom rather than a depressing conclusion. As caregivers, we place unreasonable demands on ourselves to achieve or alter things we cannot change.
Despite extensive striving and colossal anxiety, caregivers will inevitably “flunk” at changing most of what we worry about. Embracing that premise allows greater peace of mind today.
I passed high school chemistry (barely), but Mr. Faile’s most important lesson to me had nothing to do with formulas and equations. A simple sign meant in jest communicated a greater truth that still helps bleed off stress – a lifetime later.
Rest now and avoid the crash. We face challenges better when not exhausted by fretting.
“The pitcher has got only a ball. I've got a bat. So the percentage in weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting.” – Hank Aaron
If you find our podcast and broadcast meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Think back on an encounter with an adult overreacting to a situation. Were you caught off-guard; did you feel uncomfortable? A psychiatrist friend of mine shared a phrase he often communicated to his staff: "When you see a patient overreact or act out, always remember there's a story behind that behavior."
Adults don't lose self-control in a vacuum – there's a build-up and a story behind their behavior. When caregivers find themselves in the unpleasant predicament of engaging an individual with frenetic or hyper behavior, it's helpful to remember that the behavior is bigger than the moment. Reminding ourselves that “there’s a story” enables us to speak to the deeper issues driving the outburst – which often requires assurance rather than reason. Arguing with a longtime wound is futile. Caring for that wound – and all its symptoms – remains a more effective response. As caregivers, we encounter those panicking about pocket-sized problems. Outbursts at a temporary or minor problem are rooted in a long journey that could stretch back a lifetime. Detaching from the immediate eruption allows us to better understand and address the volcanic turbulence behind the explosion.
However, It starts with us remembering, "If it's hysterical, it's historical."
“We are not makers of history. We are made by history.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Following her grueling 10-week hospitalization, my wife, Gracie, joined the show to share her thoughts, and how she felt about my ability at charades while she was intubated. [Spoiler] she wasn't happy!
From Hope for the Caregiver's national broadcast 04-23-2022
Let’s face it; many people don’t know what to say when encountering someone struggling with divorce, broken relationships, a tragedy, or other painful realities.
Just put it behind you; Don’t look in the rearview mirror; That’s in the past.
While sounding like good advice to keep moving forward, there are times when acknowledging the magnitude of someone’s heartache is appropriate – and “sifting through the mess” and assessing the destruction is required. Recovery takes time, and part of the process involves meticulously inspecting the damage. Any insurance adjuster who’s visited a client following a devastating flood, fire, or tornado will affirm the importance of an exhaustive appraisal of the damage before rebuilding.
Many caregivers painfully discover that the journey doesn’t end at the cemetery. In some instances, the aftereffects of caregiving can last a lifetime. All too many caregivers can attest to the lasting impact of caring for an impaired loved one, and more studies are needed to show the PTSD statistics of family caregivers,
Trained professionals along with loving family and friends can help caregivers navigate a path to healing. However, the first step always involves thoroughly inspecting – and respecting – the trauma.
We’ve got to rebuild human hearts – and persuade people that hope isn’t just possible, but essential. – Tony Snow
If you find our podcast meaningful, please help support this ministry at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Author Leisa Williams called the program from Canberra, Australia, to share her family's journey with Autism. In our conversation, we discussed our shared musical journey and what music means to us as caregivers.
https://www.leisawilliamsauthor.com/
She writes from her heart about her life experiences that have come from the school of hard knocks. Her views are tried and tested from many years of working to overcome adversity in her life as well as being founded on her Christian biblical faith, the wise counsel and support from healthcare professionals, and her educational background, which includes a Master of Education degree.
Immeasurable Cost
A close pastor friend of mine called me after burying his beloved dog. While digging the hole, he wept while angrily reflecting on how much he hated death. The conversation turned to the countless funerals he presided over during his ministry – I played the piano for many of those services. We talked a bit longer about some of the cherished families we ministered to during those funerals, and we discussed our shared anger at death. Then he said something that's never left me.
"Do you know who hates death more?"
"God hates death," he stated quietly.
Pausing, he then added, "He hates it so much that he took it upon Himself to provide a way to defeat death."
When Jesus stood at his friend Lazarus' grave, John 11:38 shares He was "…deeply moved." Some translations state that anger welled up in Jesus—anger at death.
Mere weeks after standing at Lazarus' grave, on what we celebrate as Easter Sunday, Jesus indeed conquered death, but at immeasurable cost to Himself.
“Please - Aslan,” said Lucy, “can anything be done to save Edmund?” “All shall be done,” said Aslan. “But it may be harder than you think.” – C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
As a caregiver, what does rest look like to you?
Admittedly, this is a challenge for me - and has been for the entire 35+ years I've been a caregiver. From our nationally syndicated broadcast on 4/9/2022, I shared that struggle and what I've learned through this journey.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Earlier this year I had a dispute with a charge levied on me by the rideshare company, Lyft.
Despite my best effort to resolve this using Lyft's online instructions, I struck out.
So, I escalated my case, and here's the rest of the story!
As a caregiver, do you ever feel disoriented? Of course you do - we all do! We're going to lose our way. But can we get back on track? Can we anchor ourselves against the storms that assail us?
There's a great hymn that speaks to this. I feature that hymn in the B Block of this episode - when I stepped over to the "Caregiver KeyBoard."
I discussed this on our April 2, 2022 broadcast.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
After a recent program, a friend asked me to delve into the subject of caregivers, anger, and lashing out.
Given the recent incident at the Academy Awards with Will Smith striking out at Chris Rock, the timing for this topic seemed appropriate.
Jodi Kay Benusco calls the program and shares insights gleaned from years as a Social Worker and seasoned Inpatient Discharge Planner at a Level II inpatient hospital.
In the FOG of caregivers, (fear, obligation, and guilt), many find themselves frozen in fear - and let's face it, there remain plenty of fear-worthy things in the caregiving journey.
How do we face those things?
For me, I look to those who faced fear and borrow their courage. Who's courage do you borrow?
Caregivers need legal protection and counsel, but the cost can be astronomical – for even small legal matters.
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On my recent broadcast, I discussed the term, "public servants" and the specific caregivers who really define that term.
Award-winning songwriter and two-time Grammy Nominee Archie Jordan called the show to discuss caregiving, music, his long friendship with BJ Thomas, and many more things in this special interview.
Some of the many hits from Archie include, What a Difference You Made In My Life, It Was Almost Like A Song, He's The Hand on My Shoulder, You Gave Me Love When Nobody Gave Me a Prayer ...and many more.
www.archiejordan.net
From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions, caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected.
Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor, caregivers face the challenge of “re-anchoring” themselves – often in a storm. But it doesn’t have to be complicated.
During my wife’s recent surgery in Denver, I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital. I love Waffle House. I grew up going to Waffle House, but there’s no Waffle House near us in Montana – in the whole state! In Denver, where I knew few people, everything required learning and adjusting. But stepping into the local Waffle House, familiar sounds, sights, smells and tastes flooded over me. For a few minutes, I reconnected and felt at home. Grabbing a take-out order, I took it to the hospital to share the experience with my wife.
While we can’t always change the disorienting circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find new ways to connect to things that settle our hearts. Sometimes, It’s as simple as a waffle – with pecans.
I have always loved Waffle House. It's been like an oasis in the desert many times late at night after one of my concerts. - Trace Adkins
Chronic Pain.
The struggle to care for someone with chronic pain causes extensive challenges for family caregivers.
Dr. Roland Flores called the show today to discuss this topic, as well as acute pain, opioids, benzodiazepines - and what he'd like for family caregivers to know.
Roland Flores, MD, Anesthesiology, Associate Professor, University of Colorado, School of Medicine
IF you find this podcast meaningful, please visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com and let us know - and help us do more!
I must. I'm supposed to. I have to. I should.
When repeatedly hearing these words come out of your mouth, you might be caught in the obligation trap.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
While recuperating in Denver's University of Col. Medical Center, a young woman came into Gracie's room with a guitar and introduced herself as Sophie - and a music therapist.
Gracie asked where she went to school, and she said, "A school in Nashville."
Pressing her further, Sophie stated she went to Belmont University. Gracie's smile lit up the room and she explained to Sophie, 'Peter and I went to Belmont - that's where we met."
As we shared with Sophie our long life in Nashville, she was delighted to compare notes and share experiences with fellow Belmont students (although we attended YEARS before she was born!)
I asked Sophie to share a bit of her story and work as a music therapist.
Russia's brutal attack on Ukraine has created outrage and horror worldwide. Spotlighting those with disabilities and their caregivers, Joni Eareckson Tada shares how her organization is helping individuals fleeing from Ukraine to Poland. Well acquainted with suffering and challenges, Joni shares her insights and faith in our frank discussion about these heartbreaking events.
To help Joni's organization with this effort, please visit www.joniandfriends.org
Give Send Go co-founder Heather Wilson called the program to discuss the crowdfunding site's mission and the political climate shaping much of our public discourse.
"Raise money to share hope. Money is temporary Jesus is eternal. Give both and watch the world be changed."
For family caregivers living with significant costs and challenges, Give Send Go can be a powerful resource to help.
givesendgo.com
Noise bombards us every day. Traffic, 24-hour news, our mobile devices, and a host of other things forms a wall of sound that keeps many of us in a state of agitation.
For caregivers, taking a moment to sit quietly and settle our hearts down seems nearly impossible. But if we don’t take time for stillness, we’re going to have to make time for illness. The constant state of anxiety, stress, and sensory overload we experience as caregivers will eventually make us sick. Ask any health care professional about the long-term effects of stress. When’s the last time anyone ever touted the benefits of anxiety, high blood pressure, depression, skin rashes, or other stress-induced issues?
As caregivers, we modify our lifestyle to minimize the threat. We push back on stress by carving out time to be still and quiet. Prayer, meditation, or just clearing our racing thoughts helps re-boot our minds and hearts. Without any cost or even a prescription, regularly incorporating stillness in our lives allows us to be a little calmer – and a little healthier – in the caregiver storm we navigate.
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Hope for the Caregiver airs each week on 220+ signals. This show first aired on 2/26/2022.
Today's show features an opening monologue about Caregiving versus Caregiver. Also, a surgeon caught me by surprise with this question. Later on in the program, a special interview with one of the founders of crowd funders GIVE SEND GO, and a special song from Gracie.
From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE
The morning of the most extensive surgery my wife's ever faced, we both felt (understandably) a bit nervous. Sitting in the pre-op area, I observed a flurry of medical staff work efficiently to prepare Gracie for what would be a 9-hour surgery – and her 82nd operation (that I can count).
When the neurosurgeon arrived, I noticed a tangible enthusiasm about him. Clapping his hands together, he brightly looked at us while stating, "You ready to get this thing done!"
For maybe the first time in my 35 years as a caregiver, I felt a calmness and sense of safety with this man. As the surgeon exuded such self-confidence, I felt our anxiety melt away. He knew his job and shared his excitement, "I love doing this procedure- it helps so many people!"
Looking at me, he said, 'This will be a long day. Go rest in your hotel room and wait for my call. You don't need to hang out in the waiting room and stress yourself out. We've got this!"
Following his orders, I rested and waited for his call.
The surgery went well, and while slow, the recovery remains steady. Along the way, I learned to trust a bit more – and rest in the competence of others.
"You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible." - Anton Chekov
The stress and heartache has GOT to go someplace - how do you process it out as a caregiver?
From our broadcast 2/19/2022. Plus a song from Gracie.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From our national broadcast 2/19/2022. Updates, News, and an easy chorus for caregivers to remember.
The morning of Gracie's recent surgery in Denver, I called a Lyft ride (like I've done for years!). We'd had a lot of snow and ice, and I opened the door to the car - only to have part of the trim that was frozen to the car come off. I picked it up and put it in the car- and then he took me to the hospital where Gracie was already being prepped for surgery.
Later that afternoon, I got a message on my phone about that incident. I couldn't believe what Lyft did - and I'm just posting this as a "Buyer Beware" message.
Much of the heartache I’ve endured as a caregiver results from my unwillingness to accept things as they are. Fighting to change things I remain powerless to change has only made it harder for me – and sadly, others.
A friend once told me that acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. I may not like what I carry or witness, but I can accept that it is what it is – and be calmer while enduring it. That’s not defeatist, just realistic.
My wife helped teach me this when she lost both of her legs. She didn’t like being a double-amputee, but it became her new reality. Watching her process significant loss and the new challenges, I witnessed her make peace with new and painful circumstances. While she still periodically experiences moments of grief – even decades later – her resolve and acceptance help dry the occasional tears.
As caregivers, acceptance connects our brains to our hearts and allows “what is” to mingle with grief. In the process, we can live more peacefully with the often-chaotic events in our lives – and our resolve to do so can also help dry the more than occasional tears.
Tears come from the heart and not from the brain. - Leonardo da Vinci
Dark thoughts often grip us as caregivers when struggling with loneliness and isolation. We fearfully plead for someone to tell us what to do, where to go, how to cope, or why this is happening. Our oldest son fell and lacerated his chin when just a toddler, and I held him still while he received stitches. I’ll never forget the look of terror in his eyes and his screams as he endured what, for him, was horrifying. He had no way to understand what was happening or how to cope. Instead of explaining infections, antibiotics, and wound care, I gently assured him that I was there and he would be okay. Soon, the doctor finished, and I hugged our son and dried his tears.
How are we any different when traveling in the often-long valley of the shadow of death that we walk as caregivers? Our Heavenly Father often doesn’t give us the answers we demand, but He does give us the assurance we need – the assurance of His presence and His love for us.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me” Psalm 23:4
When someone we love is hurting, suffering, or impaired, we often heroically leap to action and fight the danger. Although a good trait in an emergency, it's unsustainable in the marathon of caregiving. Unlike trauma, caregiving requires a different approach. In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but it's the calendar in caregiving. Emergency circumstances require immediate action, but hasty movement can engage caregivers in way too many battles on multiple fronts, leaving us depleted – or worse.
As Don Diego stated to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro, "Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly."
While actions remain important, discretionary valor is equally, if not more, essential as a caregiver. That discretion of knowing when to act, speak, or be still—comes with time and practice, but it's a necessary part of our journey in becoming healthy caregivers. Being still often requires enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to act often reflects extraordinary valor.
"Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown
A friend shared this simple task to do when it feels like everything is flying apart.
I'm trying it today - and invite you to do the same.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
On our 1/22 broadcast, we discussed this hymn by Melody Green and what it means to us as family caregivers.
A Bowl of Soup and a Kind Word
During a challenging hospital stay for my wife, friends called and asked me to stop by their home. After doing laundry, I swung by their house while returning to the hospital. Smiling at the puzzled look on my face, they directed me to the kitchen table, where a single place setting awaited.
“Your in-laws are caring for your boys, and the hospital staff is caring for Gracie. Sit, eat, and let us care for you. They promptly served me a steaming bowl of vegetable beef soup, a massive slice of cornbread, and a large glass of tea. As a child of the South, they couldn’t have picked a better meal for me.
I tried to make conversation but couldn’t find the words. “Just eat and rest,” they repeated several times.
After finishing the meal, I got up to head back to the hospital, and they both hugged me. “You have a lot to do, but now do it on a full stomach – knowing that you’re loved.”
Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver, but most caregivers agree that it’s not complicated.
Sometimes it’s just a bowl of soup and a kind word.
“The angel of God came back, shook him [Elijah] awake again, and said, “Get up and eat some more—you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”– I Kings 19:7 The Message (The Bible)
Healthiness In Your Hands
The neediness of an infirmed loved one frequently obscures a caregiver's fatigue, stress, and dangerous health patterns. Moreover, even if noticing the caregiver's exhaustion and strain, the warning signs can often go unheeded. Usually armed only with love and a sense of responsibility, caregivers recklessly deplete themselves physically and emotionally while caring for a vulnerable loved one. Passion and commitment are admirable, but how long can the patient "feel better" at the caregiver's expense?
When faced with chronic impairments, love and responsibility accomplish more when directed to the caregiver's well-being first. However, many caregivers postpone healthy physical, emotional, and even sound fiscal decisions for themselves while in the throes of caregiving. Since no one else, particularly a sick or medicated individual, can lead the efforts toward one's own healthiness, the responsibility of a healthy lifestyle remains solely in the caregiver's hands.
Addressing the caregiver's needs (not wants) isn't selfish. Quite the opposite – it helps ensure that the impaired loved one's care is in the hands of a healthier caregiver.
“…take responsibility for being the healthiest person you can be - no one else is going to do it for you.” – Dr. Mehmet Oz
When storms loom, media outlets often show footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and hunkering down. Caregiving is its own storm. Although sometimes receiving advance notice, caregiving can often descend like a tornado – and last a lifetime. If cameras followed caregivers, many' daily activities might resemble the frantic bustle of those boarding up homes and businesses. Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane. Incredulously, many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat. While the aftermath of hurricanes usually brings clearer skies that allow rebuilding, the lengthy caregiving storm usually ends at a cemetery – and the path to rebuilding appears shrouded in confusion, despair, and even desolation.
Yet a path through and following the storm does exist. It's called endurance. The challenges of caregiving can forge a resilience and resolve that spills into every area of life. Faced with hardships, many lament, "how do I get out of this?" Caregivers (and others) can instead change the question to "What can I become through this?"
Entire marketing ads promote tempting versions of success that sadly ring hollow with time.
Perseverance remains its own success- while standing the test of time.
“…knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” - Romans 5:3-4
Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to “…never put Mom in a nursing home.”
When making that promise, most recall healthier times where the thought of going into a facility seemed far in the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances. The tether of the promise can quickly transform to a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction – and overpowered by guilt.
Despite the promise’s sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself - what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplish. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one to the best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur - and help enlisted.
The challenge for caregivers is to seek counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths.
As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well.
“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” - Dolly Parton
Watching a documentary on PBS, I was surprised to hear this hymn through the video. It's one of my favorites, and it has a great message in it for family caregivers.
Aaron Tornquist (43) lives with Down Syndrome and is an Elvis Tribute Artist. For Elvis's 87 birthday (January 8) - I invited Aaron to return to the program and share his story.
Rabbi Eric Walker joined me again to talk about the questions we ask when faced with challenging circumstances.
Check out his website at www.ignitinganation.com
“Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges of the previous week – and even year (s). Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can. While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive. Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous - despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living. From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure. As do relationships, business ventures …and caregiving. This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish- and even fail - new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice.
“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” - Augustus McCrae ― from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)
Chris and Shelley Snitko struggled to understand what was going on with their 8-year boy who came down with Strep that served as a catalyst for something far worse. While his twin brother also came down with Strep, he went to recover and live a normal life. But AJ didn't.
When they finally learned, it sent them on a painful journey and eventually a path of redemption and restoration that neither expected.
Author and Anchor of FoxNews @Night, Shannon Bream, called the show. Shannon discussed the journey she and her husband endured - that helped forge the faith that enabled her to write her NY Times Bestseller, "The Women of the Bible Speak."
Christmas can be a challenging time for family caregivers. In this bonus episode from our radio program, we offer this to fellow caregivers.
My long-time friend, Hank Martin, sent me a new Christmas song he recorded - and I shared it on the radio program. Many have heard Hank's voice without knowing it - he sang commercial jingles for many years in New York. One of my best friends in the world, it was a special treat for me to play this beautiful song and have Hank on the program. He told me he'd be up late the night before performing at a Christmas function - so I'd have to handle the heavy lifting of talking on the radio! But he made the early call in time, and it was great to have him on!
Download his song today at Amazon, Spotify, iTunes, and other streaming platforms.
A stabbing pain beside my left little toe once prompted a visit to a podiatrist. "You have bunion by your left big toe." He stated flatly. "I know about my bunion; I named it 'Paul,'" I replied with a laugh. "But it doesn't hurt. The pain is on the other side of my foot. "You don't understand," he responded. "The defect of the bunion causes the pain you feel." Patiently explaining, he added, "The bunion affects your walking gait and creates stress points that cause pain.' "I'll bet your left knee hurts as well, doesn't it?" Admitting it did, I listened while he described treatment plans to help relieve the problem. Discomfort with the pressures of caregiving often leads many caregivers to blame the loved one – the "pain point." However, with an honest look, we find the culprit is often our predisposition to fear, worry, and control. Those 'defects" disrupt our balance, hurt, and are often greatly amplified by the stress of caregiving. The doctor helped identify and treat the root issues of my foot's pain, and the discomfort eased. With his help, I improved the way I walk. In a podiatrist's office, I also learned that when I focus on the root cause of my stress –invariably my defects instead of others' - I improve the way I live.
“…Once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves" ― Socrates
I want to introduce our newest sponsor: HEAT TRAK.
These are heated mats that can be left out all winter long - that help keep you and your loved one SAFE while getting in and out of the car, walking on the deck, or going to the mailbox.
Coupon code: Caregiver
What about your business or church - are the entryways safe, dry, and stable?
With Heat Trak, they can be!
www.heattrak.com and use the coupon code CAREGIVER for a 10% discount. They have all kinds of sizes and will customize the mats to fit the needs of your home, business, or church.
I have them at my home - and now family members' home to help keep them, Gracie, and myself safe during snowy and icy conditions.
Rabbi Eric Walker called the program to discuss Hanukkah - and what caregivers can learn from the "festival of lights."
Learn more about Eric Walker at www.ignitinganation.com
Do you ever listen to talk radio or cable news when the panel starts to argue? The voices become an unsettling “wall of noise,” and most change the channel in seconds. If we’re annoyed by talking heads shouting over politics, imagine the unsettledness of those with cognitive issues engaging in or listening to arguments.
When dealing with someone with an impairment, all kinds of subjects fly into the conversation. From seeing things not there to recalling things inaccurately, it remains pointless to argue when cognitive decline is present. Despite even brilliant oratory, the impairment still wins the battle. Rather than pointlessly escalate blood pressure, tensions quickly diffuse when assuring instead of arguing.
Being right is a poor substitute for being there. Like all of us, people with cognitive issues find themselves unsettled, but they often cannot process those circumstances or problems. The human condition eventually leads us into places of fear and confusion where we all desperately need assurance – regardless of our abilities or inabilities. Ironically, we often discover more assurance for ourselves by offering it to others in distress.
“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”
- Ronald Reagan
Please feel free to share this podcast with others and help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
As a caregiver, do you like shopping? Do you enjoy traffic, crowds, lines, etc?
Here's a suggestion that I worked out for fellow caregivers.
Get all your shopping done at MyPillow.com and use the promo code: caregiver
You'll get a special discount on EVERYTHING on the site!
One of my all-time favorite calls to the program! Henry and I discussed Sweet Tea - and his journey as a caregiver.
Author and parent of a special needs son, Stephanie Hubach called the program. Stephanie is also a research fellow in disability ministries at Covenant Theological Seminary. Her new book is titled: Parenting & Disabilities - Abiding in God's Presence.
www.stephaniehubach.com
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope., and is heard weekly on more than 220 stations. The podcast is downloaded in more than 100 countries. Please share this podcast with a caregiver you know, and help us do more by clicking here: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
For as long as I can remember, when my father arrived home from reserve duty in the military, he brought each of my brothers and my sister a pack of M & M’s. Extending past his service as a naval officer, he and my mother continued the tradition when we returned from college. Each time we showed up with our luggage (sometimes filled with dirty laundry), we’d walk into our rooms to find a bag of M&M’s waiting on the pillow.
When they moved from the house where they raised five sons and a daughter, their new home carried the custom. Bringing our wives, then children, and now even our grandchildren, the familiar brown-bagged treats (sometimes the yellow bags of peanut M&M’s) from my parents awaited every family member.
Except for this year.
Nearly succumbing to congestive heart failure, my mother endured a dramatic and challenging year—as did my father. A US Naval officer and pastor for almost 60 years, my father stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time, and I watched the process take a toll on him.
It felt odd. While I’ve cared for my wife with severe disabilities for more than 35 years, I’ve never seen my dad in this role. I found myself placing a hand on his shoulder, much like he did for me many times following my wife’s now eighty-plus operations. He sat with me in countless ICUs, hospital rooms, and waiting rooms. Now I sat with him.
His seasoned faith remains intact and strong, yet he struggled to wrap his mind around the relentless assault of continued medical setbacks. With the same gentleness and encouragement he offered to me over decades of caregiving, I returned the favor.
I’ve often heard that “…There’s no pain like watching your children hurt.”
Watching your parents hurt must run a close second.
With a herculean effort by medical staff, along with my mother’s grit, she pulled through. While not where she’d like to be, she’s further than most expected. After a couple of months away, we returned to their home for the Thanksgiving holidays. They look tired, older, but optimistic. The family pulled together, and the house looks great. The only significant difference I noticed was an oxygen tank in their bedroom.
For the first time in my memory, however, no M & M’s waited on the pillows. The absence of those treats indicates a passage and a farewell to parts of who they used to be. Their home stands in a heavily wooded area of upstate South Carolina. As we prepare for Thanksgiving, the trees surrounding their home continue shedding an entire color palate of leaves. The loveliness of autumn is a sad one that brushes hearts the same way the wind grazes branches.
So it is when watching those who loomed large in our lives diminish in vigor, but not in beauty. As many will attest, it’s the shedding of small things—the wisps of everyday things taken for granted—that often bring a tear.
During holidays, deep feelings seem to rise to the surface faster than other times. For many Americans, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a difficult season of slow goodbyes, bittersweet celebrations, and, for some, the ache of absence.
Yet, not all is sorrow. Slowing our lifestyles to the pace of our hearts, we can cling to each other a bit tighter. After dinner, we can pause a little longer at the table—or sit quietly for an extra couple of minutes with those we love. If a chair is empty, we can choose to fill that seat with cherished memories.
Families across our country feel this kind of heartache— one so deeply connected to caregiving. Helping those caregivers is no easy task. Yet, that help remains critical to not only the caregiver but also their loved one. Part of that help is assisting caregivers in grieving without them sinking into despair. Doing so always involves redirecting our gaze to gratitude.
The treats I’ve enjoyed for a lifetime no longer await me, but the loving hands that placed them are still here to hold. Placing that candy on their pillows instead, I now possess a greater understanding of the joy they both shared—for a lifetime.
This Thanksgiving, I discovered gratitude can be found in something as simple as a bag of M & M’s.
Grief is the price we pay for love. Queen Elizabeth II
In 1906, a young woman named Adelaide A. Pollard felt called to the mission field in Africa - but struggled to raise funds. At a service one evening, she heard someone reference Jeremiah 18 and state, "Have Thy Own Way."
While disappointment over not going abroad as a missionary, weighed heavily on her heart, the hymn HAVE THY OWN WAY that Adelaide penned during that time continues to touch the lives of uncounted millions around the world - including me.
It's often repeated, "We demand justice for others but mercy for ourselves." Despite all our technological advances, the human condition remains fraught with one-sided grievances. In my journey, I notice that the shortcomings of others appear in 20/20 focus, while I ashamedly apply a much softer filter to my own. Blaming others for disappointments is easy – and even justifiable. Yet, I learned bitterness does nothing to improve my contentment and wellbeing. Although it seems counterintuitive, a friend shared an effective way to live peacefully is by concentrating on "cleaning my side of the street." A tremendous mental shift occurred for me when I took a hard look at my offenses rather than focusing on others. I painfully discovered that while I was the statue some days – other days, I regretfully was the pigeon. Although disappointment remains a constant in this world, grace is optional. We become gracious when extending to others the same grace we desire for ourselves.
“Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.” - Eugene O'Neill
"Now a man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. Jesus, upon seeing this man lying there and knowing that he had already been in that condition for a long time …" John 5: 5-6
While one of the most familiar passages in the Bible, the story of Jesus meeting this man now carries a more profound significance to Gracie and me. Scripture records the man's plight as lasting 38 years.
In the following sentence, Scripture validates that 38 years is a long time.
This month marks the 38th anniversary of Gracie's car accident, and it continues to reach through the decades with challenges and pain. Still recovering from a terrible fall in September that resulted in a broken femur, numerous challenges daily remind Gracie that 38 years is indeed a long time.
Why is it important that God also recognizes 38 years as a long time?
A listener to my program recently wrote me about drama with her family.
"My family lives out of state but complains I am not taking care of my 96-year-old mom, who lives alone by choice. While I help her, she will not authorize a power of attorney for health care. She has no significant medical problems, yet my family is ridiculously harsh towards me and accuses me of things, not my responsibility or have not done. What do you recommend? - Exasperated in Texas
"My 93-year-old mother doesn’t suffer from dementia but is so mean to me. How do I make her happy while caring for her? I’ve been sober for 6 years, and she makes me want to start drinking again."
Terri in Texas called the radio program with an all too common problem: "How do I make her happy?"
Answering Terri on the air, I shared that, "Your responsibility is not to make your mother happy, but to work your sobriety program. Your mother can get happy in the same shoes she gets mad in! Your responsibility is to call your sponsor and continue staying sober. If you lose your sobriety, your mother gets a drunk caregiver and that will make all of it worse. Call your sponsor and go to a meeting."
"Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion." - Pythagoras
If you find this podcast meaningful, share it with others and help us do more by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
A recent caller to my radios program shared her journey as a caregiver. Combat-related PTSD led her military son down some dark paths—including drugs and alcohol, and his family disintegrated. This grandmother found herself with an impaired son and vulnerable grandchildren.
When considering the word “caregiver,” most think of caring for the elderly. Yet many kinds of caregivers exist—and each of them bears their own sadness and difficulties. It is often stated that soldiers leave a part of themselves on the battlefield. Sometimes, caregivers work to compensate for those missing pieces as they care for the seen and unseen wounds of injured servicemen and women.
While our military is composed of those who volunteer to don the uniform, an additional and less visible army of volunteers exists. Those volunteers are family caregivers who stand in the gap for wounded warriors—and often their families. Their acts of devotion not only serve their loved ones but also honor this great nation.
There is much more to being a patriot and citizen than reciting the pledge or raising a flag. – Jesse Ventura
Legend has it that Augustus Toplady took shelter during a storm in a fissure he discovered in a large rock wall. The visual stuck with him and led him to write the first line of one of the most familiar hymns in Church history. "Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me."
We discussed this and more in our broadcast that aired on 11/6/2021.
If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider sharing it with others and supporting it at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Every caregiver recalls moments when harsh words leapt from our mouths—words we desperately wish we could reclaim. Emotions often churn in our hearts like a blender on puree, and, for caregivers, the top seems to easily fly off and create a mess. Whether expressing frustration or just reaching a boiling point, we can quickly find ourselves spewing our words like a firehose—often destructively. Arguing with an impaired loved one suffering with dementia, mental illness, or addiction is pointless. Unleashing our vexations on family, friends, co-workers, or medical providers only heaps more guilt and sorrow on our already bruised hearts, yet we still need to express ourselves. The healthier outlet for these feelings is with a trained mental health professional, support group (even a virtual one), clergy, and/or a trusted friend. Between those safe moments, we may have to bite our tongues while learning to like the taste of blood. The good news, however, is that we rarely need to make amends for something we didn’t say." “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ― Ambrose Bierce
Dr. Jill McElhenny of Columbia International University (www.CIU.edu) discussed the new Bachelor of Nursing program. A practicing nurse for nearly a quarter of a century, Dr. McElhenny brings her vast experience and training to lead this program for CIU.
CIU Associate Provost Dr. Brian Simmons says, "...McElheny is a perfect fit for CIU's Christian mission and core values."
Echoing the strong ministry emphasis, Dr. McElhenny stated that she considers nursing "a sacred calling."
With the program available online to qualified candidates, it represents a substantial opportunity for those RN's desiring to obtain their Bachelor's, and it further CIU "s strong mission's emphasis of "To Know Him and Make Him Known."
For more information visit, https://ciu.edu/online-degrees/undergraduate/bachelor-science/nursing-rn-bsn
In an emotional phone call, a friend shared the recent criticism while struggling to care for her husband. Already reeling from significant heartache resulting from her husband’s condition, the scolding rocked her.
“You should’ve done _______.
All too many spectators of caregivers often feel empowered to offer “advice” to those shouldering the challenges of caregiving. Sometimes non-caregivers bypass advice and go straight to criticizing. I suppose it saves time.
As a rule, the best opinions to heed usually come from those possessing training and education relating to the impairment of your loved one. Thirty-five years as a caregiver has taught me an additional rule: the best counsel regarding your journey as a caregiver often comes from those with credible experience.
There remains no shortage of opinions from those not doing the work. Those criticisms, if allowed, can wound the soul of a caregiver struggling to do her best.
When tempted to allow critics to assess your value as a caregiver by job performance, be fair and look at your attendance record. You keep showing up to care. Critics only show up to judge.
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Famed anthropologist Margaret Mead shared that "…the first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur." She backed her claim by explaining the amount of time and compassion from the tribe or community required to care for that individual – until able to resume normal activities.
"’ Survival of the fittest doesn’t include healed femurs.”
Caregivers live with significant injuries, as well. Injuries of the soul – that can cripple a person. Anyone who’s cared for a chronically impaired loved one cannot recover from such an experience without compassionate help from others. Just as we would rush to someone with a broken leg and respect the time needed for convalescence, caregivers need others to run their side, as well.
For many caregivers, trauma can extend far beyond a funeral. While many people are nice to caregivers, being nice is a learned behavior – not a sign of character. During and in the aftermath of caregiving, family caregivers need (and deserve) more than “nice.” They cry out for compassion and grace – and it may take a while.
Offering compassion and grace helps heal a caregiver – while simultaneously deepening the hearts of the ones extending those mercies.
“Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me.” – Alexander Pope
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A caller named Bill once shared on our program for caregivers that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. Now, Bill's father’s had a stroke and requires extensive care - but sadly still drinks. Bill went on to say that he’s although he’s over 50 with a wife and kids, he still feels like a terrified 9-year-old when he’s around his father.
Bill’s father made his own decisions – decisions that evidently did not involve a recovery plan.
I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the 50-year-old version of BILL —not the 9-year-old one. Bill’s well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, his father’s well-being, while desirable, does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill’s father may not make it, but Bill must. I commended Bill for working to ensure his father’s safety and care despite the trauma that man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling. Honoring your mother father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction …or even abuse.
Weary of condescension from a physician years ago regarding my wife’s condition, I leveled my gaze at him and stated, “With all due respect, Doc – I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school. So how about we keep this in perspective?’
We may not know .the science, but we know our loved one. That knowledge and experience provides us with something I coined “Caregiver Authority.” Quality practitioners recognize the benefit of enlisting our hard-won insights. After dealing with 100+ physicians and countless nurses, I learned years ago that training doesn’t make one a better human being - it simply provides a skill set. Sadly (for some), those skill sets can elevate a sense of importance. Part of our job as caregivers is to advocate – and sometimes that means standing up to people who are dismissive or look down upon others.
It’s uncomfortable to wield caregiver authority, but if we don’t, what are the consequences? If we’re wrong, then we apologize and make amends to the best of our abilities. If they’re wrong, the consequences are far more dire.
“So on we go, His welfare is of my concern.”- from He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother
All too many caregivers feel isolated and invisible. Even when seen, it's difficult to know what to say to caregiver. This is why I do this broadcast, the podcast, write books, and all the other things I do for caregivers. I understand the importance for caregivers to be seen and engaged - in a way that makes sense to caregivers. i speak fluent caregiver, and am grateful for the opportunity to speak to you through this podcast.
I see you.
Peter Rosenberger
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
A simple song with a powerful message to family caregivers. Plus, callers from the show and a powerful "D" block monologue.
If you find this program meaningful, please share it and consider supporting this work at:
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
'
Years ago while interviewed for AARP, the reporter asked me, “What do you say to those family members who don’t realize they are caregivers?” The question struck me as funny, so I lapsed into my best Jeff Foxworthy impression, “If you have a professional carpet cleaner on retainer, you might be a caregiver!”
As caregivers, owe it to ourselves to inventory the voices with access to our hearts. Although caregivers often find themselves in heartbreaking circumstances or surrounded by those with criticism or other negative attitudes, we have the power to change that.
Recently talking with a man struggling while watching his wife slip away, I said, “You live in an environment permeated by approaching death. Balance that by immersing yourself into life.”
Knowing he has great-granddaughters close by, I suggested letting the attendants briefly look after his wife so he can spend time with those precious girls. “The life bubbling out of your great grandchildren provides a counterweight to your sorrow.’
We can’t change the people around us, but we can CHANGE the people around us.
From Your Caregiver Minute with Peter Rosenberger
If you find this episode meaningful, share it with others and help us do more by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Individuals and family members show great wisdom when subscribing to various products and safeguards that protect against data breaches. Yet an overlooked “identity theft” exists for family caregivers. Virtually all caregivers find themselves struggling to speak in their voice.
If you find this podcast meaningful, please share it with others and consider helping us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
I hope they couldn't see how profusely I was sweating when trying to remember the melody."
From our nationally syndicated broadcast 10/9/2021
If you are enjoying our broadcasts, please help us do more! Visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
While boundaries remain critical to healthy relationships, they sometimes develop on faulty information or impaired thinking. Caregivers inevitably collide with such boundaries while caring for loved ones. These flawed boundaries may look like resisting rehab for injuries and/or addiction issues, refusing medications, respecting others’ time, or a whole host of other issues. Confronting those disputes requires deftness and wisdom from caregivers—particularly when a loved one is “dug in” behind years of stubbornness. Sometimes, all that’s needed is to clearly explain consequences of behaviors. But when confronting someone with addiction or impairment issues for example, all many caregivers can do is provide buffers to minimize the damage while remaining at safe distances as circumstances deteriorate. In other cases, a caregiver must often bite her tongue and learn to like the taste of blood as a loved one experiences the outcome of stubbornness. Trying to force a solution against the will or boundaries of another usually ends in conflict and failure. Despite resistance or even desired results, we can learn to be at peace with our powerlessness over others’ boundaries—and instead focus on maintaining our own.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
In the day to day struggles of caregiving, we often find ourselves yearning to "get out of the moment." Yet, this phrase from a friend helped me stay present - even when the present is uncomfortable.
I referenced several songs I wrote in this episode from our broadcast - you can learn more about them here: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
In this bonus episode, I share an excerpt from the audio version of my book, Hope for the Caregiver, This chapter is titled, "Live While Hurting." Like many caregivers, I fell into the trap of thinking that things had to improve (or end) for me to live a healthier and more purposeful life. While sharing a poignant moment on a national stage, Gracie and I learned a different lesson.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books
Caller shared the plight of his sister-in-law, wife, and himself. It quickly became apparent that there are three funerals coming, but in which order?
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From our nationally syndicated broadcast 9/25/2021.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
If you find this episode meaningful, help us do more at www.hopforthecaregiver.com/giving
Of course we can retrain our minds! The only questions are:
- Do We Want To?
- How?
In this bonus monologue, we discussed this issue for family caregivers.
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If you find this podcast helpful, please share it with others and help us do more at www.standingwithhope.com/giving
My friend Bram Floria recently asked me to join him on two part-interview for Compassion Radio. Bram and I unpacked quite a few things in this conversation about suffering, anxiety, and God's provisions.
For more information about Compassion Radio, visit www.compassionradio.com
"I make a way for people to access that Kingdom. But in this world, bones will still break, hearts will still break, but in the end the light will overcome darkness." - from the Chosen, season 2 In this episode, we discussed a familiar hymn that's perfect for those struggling with difficult things. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, ev'ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by. Gracie sang that hymn with me Sunday in the hospital as she recovers from a broken femur (and her 81st surgery) due to a recent fall. We've had our share of falls and "load of care," but we live to sing about it and face another day - until we arrive in that Kingdom where "...sorrow and sighing will flee away." www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Chapter 39 from My Book HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is titled,. "They're Going To Fall." This is an excerpt from the audio book.
Following Gracie's recent fall, broken leg, and surgery, I had to remind myself of this. These are heartbreaking events and it's easy to slip into dark places.
I had to go back and read my own book.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
On the national broadcast recently, we discussed the hymn, ONLY TRUST HIM ...as it relates to us a caregivers. Unpacking this, I discussed my hardest challenge as a caregiver, and why this song connects to me.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Please consider helping us expand this program by visiting www.standingwithope.com/giving
Whether it's a nation picking up the pieces following the attacks of 9/11 or individuals and families struggling with heartbreaking challenges - It's hard to know what to say when we see sorrow, and tragedy.
After the attacks of 9/11, I struggled with to process the devastation. Sitting at the piano, I wrote this song. Sharing it with Gracie - she lent her powerful voice to this song and it remains deeply meaningful to us twenty years later.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
Sometimes, we fail to consider the soberness of forgiveness. We may feel pressure from others to forgive and forget - all too quickly.
Respecting the trauma we endure - and often cause - allows for greater healing in our lives and hopefully in our relationships. Forgiveness is intentional and deserves careful deliberation.
If you find these podcasts meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
While in college, I worked for a music star in Nashville who had a long driveway lined with beautiful trees. A tree service was called to trim them, and the results were not what the star expected.
Please consider helping us expand this show with your tax-deductible gift at HopefortheCaregiver.com/giving
While in college, I worked for a music star in Nashville who had a long driveway lined with beautiful trees. A tree service was called to trim them, and the results were not what the star expected.
Please consider helping us expand this show with your tax-deductible gift at HopefortheCaregiver.com/giving
As a caregiver, do you ever struggle with knowing how to pray? Over my 35 years as Gracie's husband and caregiver, I sure have. I wrote this prayer for my book, Hope for the Caregiver, and it seemed to mean a lot to fellow caregivers.
Please visit https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/caregiver-prayer/ and print it and/or share with a fellow caregiver.
Song: Sweet Hour of Prayer from SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
Forgiveness benefits the offended, does not require reconciliation, and can be extended even if unsolicited. Remorseless criminals fill our prisons, yet victims can still forgive. Many care for abusive but impaired loved ones who are incapable of repenting and reconciling. Yet, those caregivers can still forgive.
Resentment gnaws at our souls and, as caregivers, we already bear enough. We can choose instead to walk in forgiveness and lose the grudges—while keeping healthy boundaries.
“…I think it’s about Forgiveness.” – Don Henley
If you find this podcast meaningful, help us do more ...please visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/
With all the unsettledness in our country and around the world, what's our response? One thing we can do is turn off the television and specifically cable news. While news outlets profit over keeping us churned up, we profit when we turn our hearts to God's word "...and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " PHIL 4:7
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider sharing it with a caregiving friend ...and also please consider helping us do more by contributing at https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
I opened the show with a hymn from my CD, Songs for the Caregiver ...and shared i offered the message of this hymn to a listener struggling to care for the parents who abused her.
A line from the hymn: There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest ...near to the heart of God.
https://music.apple.com/us/album/songs-for-the-caregiver/1168214760
Hope For the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Your support helps us continue strengthening family caregivers. www.standingwithhope.com/giving
From our national broadcast (7/31/2021)
As a caregiver, are you resting? What does that even look like?
Hope For the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Your support helps us continue strengthening family caregivers. www.standingwithhope.com/giving
After caring for several family members, this caller felt alone and despondent. The hymn I chose for the show that day made a perfect tie in to her life.
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Please consider helping us expand this show by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
One of the most beloved songs of all time serves as a the theme for this episode from our national broadcast.
Hope For the Caregiver is heard each week on more than 200 stations and downloaded in 100+ countries. Please help support this ministry today by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving
Hiring individuals to help with an impaired loved one is not only an important decision, but a difficult one. We discussed this with the caller and pointed him to resources that I think serve as the Gold-standard of what to look for.
If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry. https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/
Two different caregivers shared the same sentiment to me this past week. “I’ll get help when it’s beyond my control.”
When I quietly asked what shape they (and their loved ones) would be at that point, they both gave them same response: silence.
Many caregivers competently (and admirably) handle enormous challenges. The issue, however, is not how competent the caregiver is today. Caregiving takes a huge toll on physical, emotional, fiscal, and spiritual health. The time to ask for help is not when we’re overwhelmed, but to seek it in stages long before the critical point.
If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/
Entertainment icon, Kathie Lee Gifford, called the show to discuss the transforming work of Christ in her life and how her faith has helped her tackle her most ambitious project yet.
http://www.kathieleegifford.com
If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/
Ever found yourself the recipient of glib comments from church folks about your challenges? Admittedly, it's hard to know what to say to someone in distress or in messy situations. In a dusty clinic in Ghana West Africa, this point was driven home to me that forever altered the way I approach the heartache and messy situations of others. (From opening monologue on our national broadcast)
If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/
My dear friend, Joni Eareckson Tada, called the show to discuss an important milestone in the life of she and her husband, Ken. In this wonderful conversation, we laughed, played music, and strengthened each other with hymns and scriptures.
www.joniandfriends.com
Sometimes the simplest phrase from a song serves as a source of help, comfort, and strength. In this episode (from our nationally syndicated broadcast) we talked about this song and how caregivers can appropriate it in our lives.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Mark Negley knows what it’s like to face the pain of loss and fight to build a new life from the ashes. Over the past thirty years, he has faced cancer, raised a special needs child, lost his beloved mother, nearly lost his wife in a car accident, and supported her through depression and mental health issues resulting from her brain injuries. Tragically, in 2016, Mark received the biggest blow of all when his wife of twenty years took her own life.
Click for More
One of the most recognizable individuals in the entertainment industry, William Lee Golden (of the Oak Ridge Boys) and I talked about his music, life, and new book: BEHIND THE BEARD.
For some caregivers, Father's Day can be complicated. For other caregivers, it can be painful.
In this special broadcast we discussed fathers, faith, and our ultimate Father.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From our broadcast on June 12, 2021. Can we as caregivers cultivate gratitude in our lives regardless of our loved one condition(s)?
“Gratitude is not only greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero
Author (and caregiver) Cara Whitney (wife of Dan Whitney - AKA LARRY THE CABLE GUY) discusses her deep faith and lessons she learns around her farm about herself, God's love, and sharing her faith.
Do you ever feel that God has forgotten you or forgotten to be gracious to you? If so, you're in good company.
In this episode from our radio show, I discussed a hymn and psalm that guides us on answering the anguish and despair in our hearts.
O God, our help in ages past, Our hope for years to come, Our shelter from the stormy blast, And our eternal home.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
The Art of Choice: Making Changes that Count in Work and Life offers lessons from business leaders, along with keys for gaining perspective, experiencing clarity, and achieving results whether you are starting out in your career, facing a major life decision, or nearing retirement. Author Terry Warren is passionate about helping people employ intention and commitment to achieve what they may not have believed was possible.
https://warrenexecutivecoach.com/
According to a recent survey, 92% of Americans want to age in their own homes and communities. Given the disperse of the American family. and the challenges of caregiving, this goal seems unattainable. That's why companies such as ADT are offering an increasing number of services that help caregivers be in two places at the same time ...while keeping vulnerable loved ones safe.
www.adt.com/health
More than once, I've glossed over the the genealogy sections of the Bible. Yet over the weekend, I saw something in Matthew chapter 1 that I'd never noticed before ...and I felt it appropriate to share on Memorial Day.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
La Vonne Earl tackles this difficult topic of sexual trauma in her new book, Born to Bloom. She called the show to discuss this and ways to care for those victimized by sexual trauma.
Set to the tune, FINLANDIA, Be Still My Soul" remains one of the most treasured hymns of the Christian faith. It's timeless message reflects a Biblical response to our prone to fret and worry about things beyond our control. The stress and challenges of caregiving often cause our anxieties to near deafening levels. We discussed this on the show ...and how this hymn speaks to our anxious hearts.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
It's hard to know what to say to individuals struggling with grief. Sometimes, good intentions offer bad platitudes.
Messianic Rabbi Eric Walker of Igniting a Nation joined us for this special show to discuss Biblical understanding of engaging those who grieve.
The road for us as caregivers can get a bit dicey. On the show today, I discussed a particularly treacherous road we traveled, and the lesson learned.
From our radio broadcast MAY 15 2021
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Rayna Neises lost both of her parents to Alzheimer’s Disease twenty years apart. After her season of caring for her dad through his journey, she founded A Season of Caring Coaching where she offers encouragement, support, and resources so other caregivers do not find themselves aimlessly wandering through this important season of life.
We hammer this issue regularly, because caregivers repeatedly find themselves struggling with guilt.
This usually occurs due to the “Caregiver FOG” (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt). In the disorienting caregiver FOG, caregivers mistakenly feel guilty for even thinking of their own needs. In addition, they easily lose themselves and their identity in the drama and chaos of their loved ones. When that happens, enabling often takes over.
A caller to the show struggled with a problem many are facing: how to handle someone with dementia. In her case, it involved the family finances.
"My husband has Parkinson's and dementia but yesterday he spent $1,400 in the stock market. Should I just give him grace?"
Our topic for this show was "grace." But sometimes, we misapply grace when boundaries would serve us (and our loved ones) better.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Compassion Radio's Bram Floria interviewed me for a two part series on the family caregiver.
compassionradio.com
Detaching from the poor conduct of an impaired loved one remains one of the toughest challenges for family caregivers. Sometimes the behavioral issues stem from chronic pain, dementia, pharmaceuticals or fear—maybe they’re just having a bad day. Regardless of why, we don’t have to take it personally—even if it sounds personal.
We all volunteer to serve as caregivers. Sadly, some people abandon a spouse, parent, or even a child ...they have that choice. Although feeling obligated may drive so much of it, you're still serving. Isn't that worth celebrating something extraordinary about you? www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
During our first full winter in Montana, a friend gave me some of the best advice for the snowy road conditions here in the Treasure State. “Drive at the speed you’re comfortable slamming into the ditch at.” While laughing at the pointed guidance, I also considered the implications for other areas. As caregivers, we often race around at breakneck speeds—while in treacherous conditions. Relationships, money, and our health can all be severe hazards. The faster we move, the greater the risks.
Veteran Journalist, Richard Lui (MSNBC, NBC) shares how his journey as a caregiver for his father with Alzheimer's opened a door to understand more of the human condition.
The award-winning news anchor decided to set aside his growing career to care for family. Selflessness, however, did not come easily. So, Richard set out to explore why he struggled. From a journalist's point of view, he digs into and shares stories from his seven-year "selfless" exploration.
In this book, "Enough About Me - The Unexpected Power of Selflessness," Richard shares how small choices toward selflessness are not a compromise, but instead a way to a more satisfying life.
www.richardlui.com
Caregivers often berate and judge themselves without mercy over their job performance. In this episode, I invite caregivers to use a different criteria. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From our live radio show on April 17, 2021. Our opening monologue tackles the obligation issue faced by caregivers, and then we step over to the "Caregiver Keyboard" to play the hymn of the day. Our phones lit up with callers who knew the hymn ...and all had moving stories, as well.
One of the driving missions of our show is to equip caregivers to better navigate the journey of a caregiver. Part of that is attitude. While so much of what we face as caregivers lies beyond our control, our attitude remains firmly in our own hands and heart. We are as happy or miserable as we choose to be.
There's more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As caregivers, we often treat ourselves mercilessly when we make mistakes. One of the goals of our show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is to equip caregivers to "get back up on the horse."
We're going to fall. We're going to fail. We're going to get it wrong. And, we'll get criticism from family, friends, the loved one we care for, and ourselves.
Listen to the show each week on American Family Radio (Sat mornings at 8 AM Eastern)
Call in, share your thoughts, and participate in the journey towards being a healthier caregiver.
Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers!
Gracie recorded this beloved hymn that reminds us all of our hope of salvation. https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/music/
In Romans 6:23, Paul states that "...the wages of sin is death." In Hebrews 9:22, we learn "...And according to the law almost everything must be cleansed with blood; without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness."
God provided a way ...and that's what we commemorate on Good Friday.
John and I were joined by Denny Brownlee (Humor Actor / Voice Actor / Writer) Denny Brownlee.
www.dennyvoices.com
Denny discussed finding his role in caring for his mother, and value humor continues to bring.
We also featured more "John Butler" and a special guest joined us at the end of the show.
Our "After show" dialogue was so much fun we added that following the show closing. <
One of the vivid lessons we've experienced in the COVID-19 pandemic is the heartbreak of not being able to hug, shake hands, or physically connect with loved ones. Imagine that as a permanent condition.
This was our plight ...until Christ.
That's the message we discuss in this episode from our radio broadcast.
Struggling with fear remains one of the most difficult things for family caregivers. We discussed this on our broadcast recently and asked callers to share their stories.
How we deal with fear remains one of the bigger challenges for family caregivers. All too often, our loneliness and isolation foster so many dark thoughts and fears that we can become paralyzed ...or worse.
In this special episode, John and I delve into this topic with our usual goofy selves .,..and in a way that helps shed some light into dark places for caregivers.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Attorney Jason Neufeld joined the show to discuss Elder Law (ElderNeedsLaw.com ), Medicaid, and Special Needs Trusts.
From protecting your assets to providing for a special needs family member, Jason breaks down the steps, goals, and pathways towards healthier finances for caregivers and their families.
https://www.elderneedslaw.com/medicaid-planning-attorney
"...A time to weep and a time to laugh," Eccl. 3:4 As caregivers, we certainly weep enough ...but do we laugh? You will while listening to this episode!
Even if an alcoholic or addict is in recovery, addiction is chronic impairment - requiring a lifetime of pushing against it and working some sort of recovery program. Wherever one finds a chronic impairment, there's always a caregiver.
For those in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict (prescription or illicit drug use),, boundaries remain critical part of that caregiver's life. Caregivers have no power to change their loved one, but they can protect themselves ( and their belongings).
Al Kushner, author of The Savvy Guide to Buying Burial Insurance : What You Need to Know Before You Meet With Your Agent calls the show and provides great tips and insights that help make this important decision a lot easier.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As caregivers, we often find ourselves in NUMEROUS doctor's offices. Sometimes, those meetings are unproductive, or worse ...go sideways. When I recorded this some years ago, more than 60 doctors had treated my wife. The numbers grown to more than 100 ...but these three principles remain critical for ensuring successful physician appointments.
For more help on your journey as a caregiver, get my book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
I picked the topic, but callers took it in a much different direction. From vaccines to mourning, this show hit a pile of topics.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
On a whim, Kate Washington took an online survey about her status as a caregiver. The results revealed she was "Already Toast." Digging deeper, Kate learned her plight mirrored that of so many other caregivers. Sharing her story against the backdrop of where America's vast number of caregivers are heading, Kate offers insights and a path she feels can be of great service to so many.
www.kawashington.com
Have you ever left the stove on? Think about seniors, families with special needs children who cook or maybe accidently leave a fork on the plate in a microwave? There are many dangerous scenarios that can lead to kitchen fires.
Peter Thorpe,, a firefighter/paramedic invented a product to help prevent these fires through his amazing invention, FIREAVERT.
Enter the promo code CAREGIVER to receive an additional discount on this innovative solution to a need felt by so many caregivers.
USE PROMO CODE: Caregiver
Opening up the phone lines, i asked callers to the broadcast to share a song that's meant something to them in their caregiving journey.
From Doris Akers to Steve Nicks ...we had a quite a selection!
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
Hugely successful songwriter, Jerry Salley shares wonderful insights into the Nashville songwriting world.
"We all have a song in us!" - Jerry Salley
Jerry's career spans 30+ years and an amazing list of huge stars have cut his songs.
Bringing an extraordinary talent and heart to this music, Jerry shares his powerful song, SAVING GRACE, about a man caring for his wife with Alzheimer's.
Jerry's heart and passion continues to move and inspire audiences , and John and I were delighted to have him on the show.
www.jerrysalley.com
Shannon Serie, MD called the show to discuss the role of caregivers when their loved ones face a cancer diagnosis. Dr. Serie is the assistant professor of oncology at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, TN. An educated caregiver is an empowered caregiver, and Dr. Serie walked us through many of the issues patients and caregivers can expect.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
In addition to all the challenges of caregiving, many family caregivers struggle under the additional burden of being treated poorly. From accusations of stealing to abuse, the heartache of poor treatment wears down the already burdened hearts of countless caregivers.
Sadly, the isolation of caregiving keeps this issue in the dark, and abused caregivers may feel they're all alone in this.
We talked about this on the show, and let callers share their stories.
"Nancy, I'm going to die."
This is the message my guest heard from her mother-in-law, Lucille, as the inevitable drew closer. Yet, Lucille, had one more extraordinary gift for Nancy as they faced her death.
Hilarious author, attorney, and fellow caregiver, Ellen Rittberg called the show to talk about her new book:
"Why is Grandma Naked? Caring for Your Aging Parent."
What can be said to people who suffer—and groan? When we see ourselves, loved ones, neighbors, and even our nation groaning under injustice, some may thunder out, “God’s sovereign!”
In those moments, however, may we instead state with deep conviction (and often through tears) that there is One who groans about injustice and suffering on our behalf …and He will one day make all things new.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/justice-when-people-groan/
Sometimes, a meal can represent a powerful memory, and so I asked callers about a meal or dish with special significance to them as a caregiver.
Emmy award winner, Leeza Gibbons, called the show to discuss her work in strengthening fellow caregivers. She also stuck around with us to do our (hilarious) "UNHEALTHY and HEALTHY Songs for Caregivers" Bit.
Check out all that she's doing at: www.leezagibbons.com
Many caregivers struggle with the often massive bills involved in caregiving. What do you do when the debt piles up? What about when an aging loved passes away and leaves an estate full of debt. Michael Grayson, PhD, shares a path to safety from financial despair and crushing debt. If you, or the estate of a loved one is facing debt collectors, contact Dr. Grayson and his staff before writing any checks.
https://build850credit.com/
One of the most influential people in my life continues to be my piano professor from college, John Arnn. Now retired from Nashville's Belmont University, John fills his day with composing, arranging hymns and choral pieces, writing his second novel ...and even taking time to appear on his student's podcast!
John's teaching greatly enhanced my love of arranging hymns, and in this episode, we discussed how the principles apply to the family caregiver.
Pat Moffett details his journey with his wife, Carmen, following her early onset diagnosis with Alzheimer's disease. His book, "Ice Cream in the Cupboard was turned into a movie that can be watched on Amazon Prime.
As Caregivers, we certainly live with heartbreaking circumstances, but is there joy ...and even laughter? Now in my my 35th year as a caregiver, I don't think Gracie and I could do this without keeping a sense of humor. In today's show, we talk about that, play a few hymns, and take a lot of calls.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
These were words to Gracie from a psychiatrist friend of mine who saw me staying around the clock at the hospital and turning into a zombie.
As caregivers, we tend to be tough, capable, and innovative. But just because we CAN do something, doesn't always mean we SHOULD do it.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
In this podcast episode, John and I discussed a music theory principle and how it connects to caregivers.
Back in the mid 1800's a blind minister wrote an amazing lyric that became one of the most beloved hymns of all time. This episode, from our 1/21/2021 broadcast, features that hymn ...as well as callers sharing their stories, fears, and triumphs.
I included this hymn on my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, and you can stream it by clicking on this link. https://music.amazon.com/albums/B01MDPNRHF?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B01MG2X5VU
Paula from OK called to share her frustration and guilt for not finding a good church home during the COVID-19. Paula's got quite a story and she is VASTLY different than she was when she first called the show nearly two years ago.
Take a listen to her exuberance (and me teasing her for calling me "DAN").
I sent her to watch Stephens Valley Church online from Nashville TN until she finds a church home in OK. www.stephensvalleychurch.com
Most caregivers deal with disorienting feelings and events. I call it the Caregiver FOG.
As caregivers, do we listen to words of life? This episode is from our radio broadcast 1/16/2021. We interview Dan Steiner, President of Preborn (Preborn.org), take calls, and have musical trivia that I offer from the keyboard. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
For this bonus episode of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's podcast, we wanted to include 5 chapters of my audio book: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Enjoy ...!
You can learn more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books
After a challenging year of the COVID-19, businesses shut down, and civil unrest, we start off 2021 with a political powder keg. Is it any wonder so many feel discouraged and unsettled?
Given that, I invited my longtime friend and pastor from Nashville, Jim Bachmann to talk about trusting God in unsettling times. As caregivers, we're no stranger to difficult times, and the lessons we learn in the trenches of caregiving can be helpful in others, as well.
www.stephensvalleychurch.com
Learn more about Pastor Bachmann at www.stephensvalleychurch.com
We often start the broadcast with a trivia question, so I asked the audience to tell me which hymn contained this stanza ...and then we discussed how this affects the family caregiver. ( plus I played it live on the keyboard, along with other hymns mentioned by callers.)
Not a burden we bear,
Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss,
Not a frown or a cross, But is blest if we ____________
check out this link for more of our music. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
Sometimes, we set ourselves up for failure by setting lofty, but unattainable goals for ourselves as caregivers. When we ambitiously set goals that may be unrealistic, we can often discourage ourselves when they are unmet. Goals are important, but they need to reflect the reality of our circumstances. John and I discussed this and other items in this episode. We also ended with an entertaining bit on the movie Galaxy Quest!
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From Hope for the Caregiver's Weekly Broadcast January 2 2021.
ABOUT PETER
Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter Rosenberger draws upon a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers. www.hopeforthecaregiver,ccom
Using foundational, Biblical truths, Rhianna’s upbeat nature is gracious, refreshing, and generates an empowering excitement to take on any obstacle with supernatural strength and courage. Her journey of being mother to her amazing daughter, Kaiya, with severe special needs, has led her to a tangible knowledge of those Biblical truths.
www.RhiannaSanford.com
About Peter Rosenberger
Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through her extreme medical challenges,
Peter Rosenberger draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers. His radio program, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard weekly on more than 200 stations.
I asked John Butler to read the Christmas story from Luke 2. Those familiar with the show and podcast will know John as the producer of the show for nearly 9 years. He offered his rich voice to this beloved passage of scripture, and Gracie and I provided the music.
Merry Christmas!
Peter, Gracie, and John
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
There is no record of God speaking to His people for centuries between the Old and New Testament times. In this episode, we discuss how that impacts a family caregiver.
Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, Peter draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers.
www.hopeforthecaregiver
John and I discussed several more Christmas Gifts that are affordable, easy, meaningful, and beneficial to family caregivers ...that caregivers can give themselves.
I asked my guest on the show, author Rick Lauber, "What did you learn about yourself that surprised you in a positive way?"
His answer was extremely moving and a must hear for fellow caregivers.
Find out more about Rick and his books at www.ricklauber.com
Kathie Lee Gifford called the show to discuss her new book, "It's Never Too Late." While Kathie Lee remains a household name, Gracie and I have had the privilege of getting to know her a little more up close and personal. You'll hear this in our candid conversation about trusting God in heartache, forgiveness, and loneliness.
Yet, you will also hear a lot of laughter. But as Kathie Lee says about moments of great sorrow that often right turn into joy "...that's life!"
You will want to listen and then share this wonderful interview with delightful woman who's brought joy and laughter ...and inspiration to millions of us for a lifetime.
About Peter Rosenberger
Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, Peter Rosenberger offers a lifetime of experience as a lifeline to fellow caregivers. His show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is syndicated on more than 200 stations, and he is author of several books and a lengthy list of published commentaries. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
For many caregivers, the relationship between themselves and their loved ones may have faded beyond recognition due to cognitive impairment. When you're loved one can't remember your name, getting a card from them is certainly out of the question. Here's an idea I came up with years ago that seemed to catch on for a lot of my fellow caregivers.
If you need some help with it, call my friends Ken and Cindy Najar at Logos Bookstore in Nashville TN. (615) 297-5388. You don't have to live in Nashville ...or even TN. They help people with this and other things from literally around the world.
Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers, and that healthiness always starts at the heart level. This is a great way to help ease the heartache you may carry as a caregiver.
All too many caregivers feel that talking with a wealth advisor or investment group is for rich people. Tommy Doerfler, of Lighthouse Wealth Team calls the show to debunk that and other myths about investing.
www,hopeforthecaregiver.com
Great Christmas gifts for caregivers
Founder of Caregivers by Wholecare, returns to the show to help share the new changes in home care services in light of the COVID-19. Technology is playing a huge role in how our seniors and impaired loved ones are cared for at home, and Elizabeth brings her decades of experience to help unpack the new look of home care.
Learn more at 615 298-9201
For Christmas this year ...give that gifts that speak "fluent caregiver."
When we started HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER many years ago, we wanted to provide a place where caregivers felt they could share painful things in a safe place and receive clear and helpful feedback. This caller admitted something during the call that he hadn't admitted before: He's angry with his wife for her years of smoking that have now robbed them both of a better quality of life.
I value the trust caregivers place in me and the confidence they feel to share their hearts on the show.
From Hope for the Caregiver's Radio broadcast DECEMBER 5, 2020. Plus callers, and a tricky trivia question! www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As caregivers, we regularly shake hands with the abnormal. Yet, are we able to insert “normalcy” in that abnormal. During one holiday event, Gracie’s grandmother provided a teachable moment in a hospital cafeteria.
In addition, this episode features two of our favorite poems while also discussing two gifts caregivers can give to themselves during Christmas. John and I packed quite a bit into this episode.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Many of us have favorite and treasured hymns that encourage, comfort and inspire us. The backstories of many of these hymns, however, remain unknown to most.
In the 1600's an amazing pastor penned the lyrics to this particular hymn that is still sung by millions world-wide. But did you know that he wrote it during a horrific war that caused him to bury more than 4,000 people (including his wife) in just one year?
Listen in to this inspiring true story.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
After our Saturday broadcast, I usually receive a lot of messages, and this one really tugged at my heart. John and I recently discussed this poem written by Theresa Loder about her life as caregiver.
I felt you would find it as meaningful as I did.
Peter
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Most any caregiver will tell you that a good night’s sleep is often hard to find. One of my closest friends and fellow caregiver called the show to discuss sleep deprivation. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sleep-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354018
Stephanie Erickson ( MSW LCSW), draws on her 25+ year career to offer easy to understand guidance to millions of family caregivers of aging loved ones. https://stephanieerickson.ca/book/ Her new book is:
PLAN FOR AGING WELL
Building a team to provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support as we age
From my CD, "Songs for the Caregiver," this song captures the heart of so many caregivers as they struggle with the uncertainties. The holidays are particularly stressful for caregivers, and even more so during the COVID-19. My hope is that this song will strengthen your heart. I wrote this with my friend, Buddy Mundlock, and the entire CD is available for download on Amazon, I-Tunes, Apple Music.
Imagine being setup like the prophet Daniel. The bureaucrats of his time could find no fault in him, but their hatred pushed them to fabricate a trap. When Daniel learned of their schemes, he did something unexpected by others. He did something we as caregivers can model in our lives today. From Hope for the Caregiver’s Broadcast 11/14/2020
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
We caregiver often look at the external circumstances and wish them to be better so that we could feel better. But "looking in the mirror" and seeing our own circumstances, heart, behavior, and failings cause us to feel despair.
Is that the right way to do this?
John and I discuss how we as caregivers can see ourselves in a way that doesn't cause despair.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
John and I discussed a young man who, at 21, has a 4-year-old son with autism. While having a 4-year-old can be stressful in any situation, autism brings a intense set of challenges. We shared pathways to safety and help for this young man ...and others living with similar circumstances.
Peter Rosenberger
www.HopeForTheCaregiver.com
Check out a bottle of A.1. Sauce ...and look at the date established.
1862!
While the recipe was created ( I think) by a guy who cooked for King George years before, in the midst of the worst time in our country's history ...someone (or several someones) decided, "We need more flavor for our meals!"
As caregivers, we often find ourselves embroiled in all types of conflicts and challenges. Can we offer more flavor?
YES!
The first thing that God said wasn't good can be found in Genesis 2:18. In today's episode from our 10/31/20 broadcast discusses how this passage connects to family caregivers.
In this episode, I invited Dr. Dominic Aquila to the show to discuss the importance of solid theology to support the weight of our suffering and heartache.
Dr. Dominic A. Aquila is president of New Geneva Theological Seminary in Colorado Springs, Colo. At the present time, he is also serving as an interim pastor of Covenant Reformed Presbyterian Church in Ft. Pierce, Fla.
He is editor of The Aquila Report (www.theaquilareport.com), an independent web magazine for and about evangelicals in the Reformed and Presbyterian family of churches.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe traumatic disabilities, Peter draws upon his vast experience to strengthen fellow caregivers.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As caregivers, we often care for others in trauma (emotional and/or physical) but do we respect our own?
In this episode, we explain what this means, and also show how God Himself respects the trauma of those who hurt.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Aaron and Greg Tornquist return to the show to share their journey with Down Syndrome. Aaron (42) brings a zeal for life, a great sense of humor, and a spot on Elvis Tribute Hobby!
Greg is an award winning songwriter who offers a lifetime of wisdom to families living with a special needs child ...particularly those with Down Syndrome
When drug addiction invades a family, it can often lead into unconventional and often drastic steps to help stabilize the lives of children involved.
Such is the case with this extraordinary great-grandmother, Kay, who called the show to share her emotional story.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
If you have any time as a caregiver, you'll understand the question of whether or not you freak out?
- What are we going to do?
- What's going to happen?
- How are we going to ...?
These and more questions flood our minds. We discussed this in this episode from the broadcast. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio
Some caregiving scenarios involve complicated relationship dynamics. Such is the case with Terri in Texas who is caring for her husband's ex-wife. What would you say to her? www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Right after her mother's funeral following her battle with breast cancer, Ginny Brant receives the news of her own diagnosis with this disease. She shares the story of how she's fought back and taken control of her health.
72% of caregivers fail to see their own physician. More than 60% of caregivers are women. Ginny brings a powerful and timely message during breast cancer awareness month to fellow caregivers of the importance of our own health
Since I tested positive for COVID19 several months ago and fully recovered (I was virtually asymptomatic), I recently donated plasma to be used as a Convalescent Plasma for those fighting COVID-19.
Brooke Way, Communications Manager for VITALANT called the show to share the need and how their company is helping. I couldn't resist asking her if the President received my plasma!!
Please visit their website to see if you are eligible to donate.
As a caregiver, do you struggle with the 30,000 foot view? When we're slicing through the jungle trying to find a path, it's hard to keep perspective and the despair kicks in.
In this clip, John and I discussed this, and what we're doing about it through this show.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
As caregivers, we're often faced with frightening things. We also have others who criticize us or demoralize us with their words or actions. Sometimes, it's the very person we care for.
When these things happen, our confidence ...and our feelings of self worth ...plummet.
What does God have to say about those things? On today's episode, we look to the Book of Numbers, Chapter 14 to see a timeless principle.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
EVERY caregiver will at some point fall into the trap of beating themselves up without mercy. If an impaired love one joins that chorus (not to mention family members), then how does a caregiver endure with ANY healthy self esteem?
We discussed this in today's episode.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
The role of caregiver is too difficult and critical to assume with poor belief systems, and masculinity myths hamstringing men in this role must be addressed and erased.
https://www.christianpost.com/voices/real-men-dont-cry-and-other-myths-about-masculinity-male-caregivers.html
Feeling she was falling apart and going under, Gina from Texas called the show to share how she abandoned her sister as they struggled to care for their father with Alzheimer's. Struggling with this, Gina seeks to reconcile, and we discussed this on the show.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
The first of the Jewish High Holy Days is Rosh Hashanah. It literally the "day of shouting or blasting." This "shouting is a call to something ...but what?
My longtime friend, Rabbi Eric Walker, calls the show to discuss this and helps connect the dots to how this can meaningful affect a family caregiver.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Let's face it, the frenetic pace of caregiving leaves little time for just being still. Even if we get the time, do we know how to be still?
In this episode, we unpack this topic and take calls from caregivers who practice this in surprising ways.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From Hope for the Caregiver's LIVE Broadcast ...9/12/2020
As a caregiver, do you feel somewhat intimated by the need and the challenge? There's a great scripture we discuss today that encourages you to keep PUSHING!
Tele-medicine. Virtual monitoring. Emergency Contacts. Engagement. Safety.
Caregivers need these boxes checked, and Gracie and I use a system doing all that and more! Imagine a parent at the end of her rope while caring for a special needs child getting a daily phone call from a caring person breaking through the isolation to check on that stressed mom. What kind of difference would that make?
It's all just one click away for you as a caregiver.
https://mycompanion247.com/protect/
During the pandemic, Core Civic continues to care for 13,000 workers and tens of thousands of inmates at their 69 facilities across the country. Steve Conry (VP of Core Services) called the show to discuss the logistics and commitment of Core Civic to their workers and to those incarcerated in their facilities.
Matt More (SR director re-entry services) also discuss the role of faith-based programs like the prosthetic limb recycling program founded by my wife, Gracie, through our organization Standing With Hope (the parent company of Hope for the Caregiver.)
Do you feel cluttered? Not just physically, but emotionally as well?
John and I discuss mise en place which is a French culinary term meaning 'putting in place" or "everything has a place."
We caregivers often feel that we won't be satisfied unless the resolution of conflict or circumstances is what we want and expect. But great music doesn't often work that way ...and neither does life.
A lesson from my jazz piano professor drives this point home using the familiar chord progression ii-V-I.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Think of a teacher who left a huge impact on you. If they are still alive, call them. If not, maybe call their family and let them. Teachers deserve to know when what they offer in the classroom extends for a lifetime.
Such is the case with my college composition professor and advisor, Bill Pursell.
https://www.latimes.com/obituaries/story/2020-09-05/william-pursell-grammy-nominated-composer-dies-covid19
He was also a fellow caregiver, and the lessons I learned from him in his studio and classroom will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Like Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia, addiction and alcoholism can overtake a person. How does a caregiver respond to an abusive addict or alcoholic who has been overtaken by their disease?
These are hard questions faced by so many caregivers. I discussed this with John during this episode.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
My friend, Bryan Pennington ( and licensed financial planner) called the show to discuss the financial challenges facing all of us as we either are a caregiver, will be a caregiver ...or need a caregiver.
Even if you're not local for Bryan, give him a call for a free consult. 615 319-6069
Caregivers often respond with what the "adult" responsibilities and expectations in them prompt them to say.
But the heart sometimes speaks a different language.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Learn more by clicking pictures
As caregivers, life seems to relentlessly hit us like gale force winds. There's often so much clutter and so many tasks that we feel overwhelmed to the point of paralysis and despair.
Here's something I learned in my 3 1/2 decades as a caregiver that you might find helpful.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Learn more by clicking pictures
When faced with painful circumstances, we all struggle with reconciling a good and loving God with brutal challenges. Some, however, tend to take it further and look for ways to lay the blame on the individual (or even caregiver).
In fact, Jesus' own disciples did this. In this monologue from the show, we discussed Jesus' response ...and the impact on family caregivers.
- Do you know all the pills you and/or your loved one takes?
- In an emergency, can paramedics or medical staff quickly get that information?
- Can you describe each pill properly?
If keeping up with prescription is part of your life as a caregiver, then this tool from Kimber Westmore is essential for your life. In this episode, Kimber shares how she created this, used in her own life, and now makes it available for fellow caregivers.
VISIT www.pillmap.com to get this amazing tool TODAY!!!
Use the coupon code "HOPE" for a 10% discount.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
I invited my cousin, Meredith, to call the show and share her family's struggle and journey with their special needs daughter and the inability to attend school.
"We see the chaos of the world, but more than anything ...we just see the four walls of our home. There's a lot of guilt. You feel guilty if you send them ...or you feel guilty if you keep them home. There's a lot of guilt as a caregiver."
As you will discover, however, Meredith is not only insightful and experienced as a caregiver, but she is extremely funny and a brilliant woman who designed a piece of adaptive equipment for her daughter's wheelchair to help in the COVID-19 world.
After listening to this interview ...please share it with EVERY special needs family you know. They will laugh, learn, and more importantly realize that their are NOT alone!
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
One of the primary goals of our show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is to better equip and inspire others on how to help caregivers. Carlos called the show to talk about that, and just made our day ...because he GETS it!
You can hear Carlos' heart in his call and he is a wonderful example of those seeking to minister and care for hurting souls.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Hope for the Caregiveris the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
What is "normal?"
As caregivers, we discover that we have to make our own normal ...and trust that we can have meaningful moments and even joy in that "normal of our own making,."
This caller and I discussed this in this clip from the show.
In addition, as she struggled with figuring out how to care for her aging father, I pointed her to this service that Gracie and I use. We can often use technology offload some (not all!) of the monitoring components of our caregiving responsibilites.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.podbean.com/e/are-they-safe-are-you-a-easy-reliable-and-secure-way-to-offload-caregiving-challenges/
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Heard weekly on 200 stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
(click on pic for more)
If you or someone you love has experienced trauma, this show will connect in a powerful way. After listening to this, my wife, Gracie wept and stated, "This was your best show, ever!"
My guest for the entire show is Dr. Diane Langberg. We discussed her book: "Suffering and the Heart of God ...How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores."
A counselor for nearly 50 years, she has works extensively with trauma and abuse victims.www.dianelangberg.com
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER .
The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of:
As a caregiver, have you ever begged God to "deliver" you from the challenges?
God's own people did this when the lived in Babylon while in exile. They lamented and wanted to return to their home. To get back to "normal."
God's answer to his own people may surprise you ...but in this monologue from the broadcast, we discussed how it applies to family caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
I invited my long-time pastor and friend, Jim Bachmann, to call the show following a particularly meaningful sermon on Sunday. In addition to sharing what the church he served is doing (Stephens Valley Church in Nashville, TN) , he discussed the challenges for ministering to congregants ...many who feel so isolated during these times.
Yet, referring back to the message he gave earlier that day, he effectively pointed us to God's sovereignty, provision, and faithfulness. (THE SUFFERING SAVIOR) see below
For more, visit www.StephensValleyChurch.com
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
“If defensiveness is going up in the loved one, you can draw some conclusion about what the caregiver is doing.” Dr. Liz Barnett brings a new tool for family caregivers: Motivational Interviews. All too many caregivers find themselves floundering in the drama that occurs when trying to get compliance. Maybe it's downsizing, wanting someone to take their meds, brush their teeth, or the myriad of things we face as caregivers. Dr. Barnett brings easy to understand tools to help us as caregivers take the first step in better relationships, less drama, and more efficacy while caring for our loved ones.
- Learn More At www.DrLizBarnett.com
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
Standing before Pontius Pilate, Jesus heard him state, “You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?”
The response of Jesus was astonishing ...and has profound implications for us all, and specifically in this monologue from the show, for us family caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 30 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
American Family Radio general manager, Jim Stanley, guest hosted the show while Peter was out on some unexpected caregiving duties. This episode features wonderful calls ...and some of them heartbreaking, To each of them, Jim brought a powerful message of hope and God's faithfulness to the audience in this moving episode.
Hope for the Caregiver is the nation's largest broadcast for family caregivers. Airing on nearly 200 stations each week, this is our episode from July 25.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
9 years ago, Vaultt founder and CEO, Audrey Bond was frustrated with the inability to securely share important information about her daughter with her ex-husband. There was a disconnection and it caused a lot of stress and a ton of problems. Audrey saw the same stress and issues with not just divorced but also her married friends. Families in the military, families with parents that worked a lot, or traveled for work, or worked shift work, or had blended families or just very busy lives.
Learn More About VAULTT today at www.vaultt.com
Everyone had the same problem.
While there were organizational apps and document sharing platforms out there, none were user-friendly and more often than not, they were not secure and mined your data.
More recently, both of Audrey’s parents became full dependents. Audrey’s mother is a paraplegic and her father has dementia. She was extremely stressed trying to manage their vital information, appointments and care and share it with her brother. Things were not well organized, she was caught in a digital world trying to organize, manage and share a pile of paperwork. The Power of Attorney form was in a folder in the office, and paperwork for taxes, insurance, medical requisitions, were in different locations and not shareable. She didn’t have an up-to-date list of prescriptions her parents were on or were supposed to be on.
Trying to task family members and caretakers to attend medical appointments and report the feedback was a challenge enough. Being able to have that information digitized, easily accessible a shareable was impossible.
Realizing that these problems were universal, she decided to build the tool that she and so many others needed.
Her mission is to help as many families as possible to stay organized and connected, alleviate stress and give people back control of their data by building an end-to-end encrypted organizational platform for families and caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
Do we simply wait on a vaccine, or can we do anything about our own ability to fight COVID-19 right now?
Author, speaker, caregiver, and cancer survivor Ginny Dent Brant shares her journey of building her immune system while enduring brutal cancer treatments. Along the way, she's discovered ways that we can better equip our bodies to fight off diseases ...including COVID-19.
Learn more about Ginny at www.ginnybrant.com and get a copy of her book ...TODAY!
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
I recently wrote a commentary for the Christian Post about the vandalizing of my home church's cemetery in South Carolina. But, the heartbreaking story set up an amazing twist that demonstrates what's best in America.
Bo Snerdly, the famous call-screener for talk radio icon, Rush Limbaugh, read the story and had me on the show to be interviewed by guest host, Todd Herman, during Rush's absence for cancer treatment.
You can read the story. https://www.christianpost.com/voices/finding-the-path-towards-healing-in-america.html
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
While I had to step away with unexpected caregiving duties, American Family Radio general manager, Jim Stanley, filled in for me on this special edition of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Jim brings his considerable understanding of the caregiver's journey to the conversation and asked the question, "as caregivers ...are we ready for the end?" Not just our loved ones', but for ourselves as well?
Hard topic, great calls ...and it's a part of our lives and journey as caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Brain tumor, Alcoholism, and Breast Cancer ... Janine Urbaniak Reid ("The Opposite of Certainty") clearly understands brutal challenges. Yet, she's punched through these things and lives a life of meaning and purpose.
"...I just want off this planet. I don't really want to die, but I want there to be some other way. I had this fantasy where I could get my family and we could all go somewhere, but I don't know that is ....where a brain tumor cases to exist. But it was more like, 'I just want out.'"
https://www.janineurbaniakreid.com/
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
In the physical therapy room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Gracie and I encountered wounded soldiers dealing with various forms of "friendly fire." One soldier in particular lost a leg due to being hit by his own team ...and other soldiers dealt with crumbling marriages and families as they struggled to recover from devastating wounds.
How many of us deal with deep wounds caused by those “on our own team?”
How many of us have caused damage to the ones we love and swore to protect?
Sometimes “friendly fire” wounds are compounded with the shame of the wound itself. We feel like our wounds come with dishonor, and our fists clench with a rage —and we want to strike the one(s) who hurt us. One only needs to watch five minutes of the news each day to see the fury erupting in our country over the feelings of mistreatment. The protests on our street reflect that being wounded by those on the same team can leave scars that take can take generations to heal.
In moments of clarity, we can also realize with horror how poorly we treated those counting on us—and the guilt and shame fill us with despair. In our pain, we might even lash out at people who are simply trying to encourage us.
In a quiet corner of a military hospital, a teachable moment for our nation’s current challenges occurred. When gripped with resentment over wounds that should not have happened, we discover the path to recovery is flanked by those walking in their own healing. Their successes help inspire our own.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Let's face it, we caregivers are going to make a lot of mistakes in our journey. I still hold the title for "Crash-test dummy of Caregivers," and I'll bet I've forgotten more mistakes than most will make. (I still remember plenty to CRINGE over, however!)
Facing those mistakes, owning them, apologizing for them, and making amends (when possible), remains an important part of living as a healthy caregiver.
John and I discussed this in today's episode ...and we also talked about our pet peeves of "fake apologies" often on display by public figures.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
As the country seems so divided, stories like the Bonsall family's become increasingly important ...they reveal what is best about America. Joe Bonsall's fans all know him as the tenor of the Oak Ridge Boys, and this Hall of Fame, Award Winning artist has certainly endeared himself to millions.
They may not know, however, the sacrifice his family made for this great nation. Listen to his story.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
In a recent interview with superstar comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, I asked him about writing comedy in our divided culture. Take a listen to his answer.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
The pain, challenges, and heartache for caregivers often doesn't end at a funeral. In this clip from our show, John and I discussed a callers recent admission of feeling guilty over an end of life issue for his father ...twenty years after the event.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
Our long-time friend, Elizabeth Moss, called the show to share insights on caring for an aging loved one during the pandemic. The founder of Nashville TN’s premiere in home care company, Elizabeth brings a valuable background in Nursing, Alcohol and Drug treatment, and Geriatrics. Elizabeth dedicates her life to on-going training, education and experience for the well-being of others.
She has been a devoted and professional caregiver since 1994 in the areas of Assessment Training, Activities Therapy, Certified Nursing Technician, Licensed Practical Nurse of Geriatrics and Integrative Health Practices such as Reflexology, Aromatherapy, and other modes of therapeutic care.
During a particularly difficult stretch for us (when we lived in Nashville), Elizabeth and her team cared for Gracie.
Even if you are not in the Middle TN area, Elizabeth has ample resources on her company's website to help with the challenges of caring for an aging loved one ...particularly during the pandemic. As you select a service, PLEASE compare them to Elizabeth's company ...who I believe sets the high standard.
Check our her website at: www.CaregiversByWholeCare.com
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.
Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com
CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST
We all live with terrible regrets over things we've said or done ...even if at the time we felt we had the best of intentions. This caller expressed his sorrow over things he said ...however well meaning ...to his mother as she mourned the loss of his father. He felt he was helping, but looking back ..he realized he should have handled it differently.
We spend some time talking about that, and how we as caregivers can better sort through our inventory of mistakes.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
"Must, Should, Need, Have To ..."
These are all words that reflect that a caregiver's fallen into the obligation trap. Obligation is the gateway to resentment, and all too many caregivers find themselves struggling with deep resentment towards themselves, their loved ones, family members who didn't help, medical personnel, employers, and even God.
From our radio broadcast on June 27, we discussed this issue and how we as caregivers avoid "The Obligation Trap." This episode is part of our series on the FOG ( Fear -Obligation-Guilt) of Caregivers.
Click here to see more about THE FOG of Caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger
www.standingwithhope.com
Did you know that you can recycle prosthetic limbs?
Until my wife, Gracie, lost both of her legs ... we didn't realize that the components, feet, knees, pylons, adapters, screws, prosthetic socks, belts, and other related items for prosthetic limbs could be recycled.
When Gracie and I launched STANDING WITH HOPE in Ghana, we set about collecting used prosthetic limbs from prosthetists, funeral homes, families of amputees, and even some of Gracie's former limbs. I used to sit in our den surrounded by used prosthetic limbs and disassemble those devices late into the evening. Then, I'd box all the parts in good working order ...and ship them to Ghana, or stuff them in our suitcases to take over during our trips.
Eventually, the task grew to great to manage, and we found an unusual partner to help us recycle these devices. Listen to Gracie discuss this ...and please share this with as many as you can. The more prosthetic limbs we recycle ...the more people we can help walk!
Peter Rosenberger
www.standingwithhope.com
One of the more troubling issues facing us as caregivers is caring for someone who is in chronic pain. This is a continuation of our discussion about this topic for family caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
Teachable moments often appear in unexpected places. For example, a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark drove home a core principle about being in a relationship with someone who lives with pain.
This episode is part of series we're doing on chronic pain, suffering, pain management, and other issues that affect us as family caregivers. Feel free to add your thoughts ...and share this with someone you know who lives with a suffering loved one.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
From Hope for the Caregiver 6/20/2020.
A pastor friend once told me, "Rage is the most delicious of sins - it gives the illusion of power."
As a caregiver, we find ourselves faced with a long list of injustices. Do we rage against them? What does that look like as a caregiver?
For me, i discovered a surprising antidote for rage.
We talked about it on the air, plus took calls ...one in particular provided an opportunity to explore the current destruction in our cities as a teachable moment.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
A recent opinion column of mine sparked an interest the subject of "In these uncertain times." American Family Radio asked to interview me for short spot that airs on their network.
Click Here to read the article:
https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/uncertain-times-story-of-humanity/
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. He and his wife, Gracie (who has recovered from the COVID-19 virus) live in Southwest Montana. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
In this Father's Day message, my friend, Pastor Jim Bachmann talks about a story we all know ...from a different perspective than most have heard.
Rev. Jim Bachmann is the senior pastor of Stephens Valley Church in Nashville, TN. He's been our pastor and friend for more than twenty years. You can livestream Stephens Valley and also access their archives.
Caregiving is hard enough. It's harder alone. It's even harder without an assurance of God's love and provision. This message strengthens my heart, and I believe it will also encourage yours.
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
Saturday Night Live Alum, Jim Breuer, called the show for a special Father's Day episode. In all our years on the air, Jim's interview soared up to one of my all time favorites.
"If you don't have people who can laugh with you ...you're doomed."
- Jim Breuer From Home Improvement to Saturday Night Live, Jim Breuer brings a comedy legacy to audiences across the country. Calling the show, Jim also shared his huge heart and great love of family as shared his own journey as a caregiver. Recalling introducing his father to Sylvester Stallone, Jim launched into an impression of the Rocky star that had us howling with laughter. Jim's rapid fire delivery showed no mercy to John and me as we vainly tried to catch our breath. But then just as quick, Jim opened his heart to share deeply personal and poignant events with his father.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
One of the most welcome, encouraging, and consistent voices to family caregivers is Gary Barg. for decades, he's lead the "Fearless Caregiver" conferences and published "Today's Caregiver."
In his new book, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, Gary continues ...even in this time of social distancing ...to find new ways to grab as many caregivers by the lapels and let them know that they indeed are not alone.
Listen to his inspiring (and hilarious) conversation with me (and John Butler- the Count of Mighty Disco) from Sunday's show.
Find out more about Gary and his book at www.Caregiver.com
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope
Ask any caregiver of aging loved ones about one of the toughest issues, and "getting them to stop driving" hovers at the top of the list.
Matt Gurwell spent decades as an Ohio State Trooper and made the "...long walk to the patrol car" following too many heartbreaking notifications to family members. Once he retired, he determined to do something different and help provide a different path for families struggling with aging loved ones with impairments ...who hang on to the car keys too long.
KeepingUsSafe.org is Matt's company, and listen to his story and learn more about his company ...and how they can help YOU and your loved ones tackle the "driving" issue.
As a caregiver, do you respect the trauma that YOU'VE endured? In this episode, we delve into this often overlooked issue that caregivers face.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope
As a caregiver, do you respect the trauma that YOU'VE endured? In this episode, we delve into this often overlooked issue that caregivers face.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope
Learning a life-lesson for caregivers from a broken vending machine, this clip shares how we as caregivers can look to a greater source for our affirmation.
SPONSORED BY:
Some of the most expensive real estate for family caregivers is the peace of mind we crave but rarely find. Here's a brief monologue from the show (HopefortheCaregiver.com/radio) that delves into this difficult subject for caregivers.
Sponsored by: STANDING WITH HOPE
Formerly known as The Galloping Gourmet, celebrated author and longtime caregiver for his beloved wife, Treena, Graham Kerr provides a powerful metaphor which describes the life of a caregiver.
When Erin Galyean's sister received a terrible diagnosis, Erin determined to not only support her, but to become a powerful advocate on her sister's behalf.
"There were times when i was intimidated, scared, and even felt stupid, but I pushed through all that ...the stakes were just too high."
As I told Erin in this interview, I wish I had her book when traveling through so much of Gracie's journey. Erin brings a passion and contagious enthusiasm to fellow caregivers and communicates clearly that ALL of us can become:
Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER (www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio).
For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities.
So many caregivers are acquainted with despair ...we shake hands with fear. Who can we look to for guidance? Jeremiah was often called the weeping prophet. In the book of Lamentations (that's a great word for the feelings we so often share), Jeremiah pours out his despair ...but then check out what happens next.
Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio
For more information, click here.
Multi Grammy award nominee and 7-time Dove award winner ( and fellow caregiver) Steve Green called the show.
His iconic music career frames Steve's enormous passion for communicating the Gospel to broken lives. In this conversation, I asked Steve to reflect on current challenges facing our country and the world.
It all comes down to the one phrase in his song that's touched millions of lives, "People Need The LORD."
While it sounds simple, and it is, that phrase is condensed down to the core of our human condition ...and Steve shares how God responds to that core need.
You'll love this conversation. To learn more about Steve, visit www.stevegreenministries.org
ABOUT HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, Peter's cared for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare of 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and severe chronic pain.
Hope for the Caregiver is an outreach of STANDING WITH HOPE. Click here for more.
Ask any caregiver if she or he feels noticed by others ...or even by God.
The answers will most likely break your heart.
For more than 20 years, my friend, Pastor Jim Bachmann (pastor of Stephens Valley Church in Nashville) has helped me understand God's provision, activities, justice, and grace in the midst of harsh challenges. His recent sermon (5/31/2020) speaks with great clarity to this issue. I included this in my bonus materials for our podcast because it strengthened my heart ...and I feel it will do the same for yours.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, Hope for the Caregiver. He’s cared for his wife, Gracie, for more than 34 years. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Do the principles that help caregivers navigate better as they care for a chronically ill loved one ...translate to helping a nation in distress?
We think they do.
Peter Rosenberger is host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio
On the coast of Ghana (where we work with our prosthetic limb outreach), we visited a castle in Cape Coast. This castle served as the holding place for thousands of slaves. I've taken several teams there over the years, and touring the castle is incredibly somber event.
As our country convulses with rage, we caregivers understand the despair, fear, and anger that erupts when we feel powerless and treated poorly. Yet, it's in that very scenario that the church is called to leave the insulated chapel ...and enter the dungeons filled with suffering.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities.
For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
We do a series called YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE that airs on hundreds of stations across the country. Here's one of my favorites!
Feel free to share...
The time is NOW for caregivers to rethink how we give care.
You've seen the headlines.
- https://news.yahoo.com/man-20-charged-nursing-home-155015466.html
- https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/24/us/alejandro-ripley-killing/index.html
These incidents are just from the last week.
I invited Mark Gray of Constant Companion to come on the show to discuss how their secure, affordable, reliable, and easy to use new product can provide family caregivers the connection, support, and assistance so desperately needed.
- Imagine a parent at the end of her rope ...caring for a special needs child, getting a daily phone call from a caring person ...breaking through the isolation and checking in on that stressed mom. What kind of difference do you think that would make?
- Imagine going to the grocery store in peace ...while knowing a sentry was on duty for your aging loved one? Being able to look at them on your phone ...from anywhere? Talking to them at any time ...from anywhere ...even if the power goes out?
- Imagine being able to safely monitor your loved one in an assisted facility ...even during the quarantine?
- Imagine a system that guaranteed your privacy so much, it provides a $1,000,000 guarantee?
These and so much more services are just one click away for you as a caregiver.
I've tested this out in my home ...and the time is NOW for caregivers to rethink how we give care. With 92 percent of people stating they want to age in their own home, caregivers face a daunting challenge. As the COVID-19 has made us reevaluate placing loved ones in assisted living, we need to "Care give ...smarter."
Listen to my conversation with Mark, and check out the website:
https://www.companion247.com/
Use the PROMO CODE: Caregiver for a special discount.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. (80+ surgeries, multiple amputations)
For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Many years ago our family met President George W. Bush when Gracie performed at an event with him.
Several weeks later, I had an opportunity to return to the same venue. Walking past the empty ballroom where the entire weight of the US Presidency stood briefly, the contrast struck me.
Unlike the President's office, Christ dwells within us and the full weight of HIS office never leaves, is never dismantled, and is not bound to geographical locations.
Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him." - John 14:23
FROM: Hope for the Caregiver Broadcast May 23 2020
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...the nationally syndicated radio program.
See latest from Peter Rosenberger in the news:
From the CHRISTIAN POST: May 24 2020
As a parade of commercials open with, “During these uncertain times …” eyebrows across the country must raise in a level of incredulity as millions silently whisper, “Welcome to my world!”
When times were “certain:”
- Huge swaths of the country hemorrhaged financially long before COVID-19 became a household word.
- Guilt lurked as a constant companion for parents of special needs children.
- Marriages crumbled under the strain of disability.
- Family members of alcoholics and addicts bore the heartbreak of a loved one’s volatile and unstable behavior.
- Millions struggled to care for disabled loved ones and/or aging parents.
- 22 Veterans committed suicide each day.
- Fellow citizens felt the sting of discrimination.
- Chronic pain persisted for so many plagued by disease or injury.
- Death remained inevitable.
No politician, health official, or vaccine can provide us with certainty. We shore up the best we can while learning to make peace with ambiguity. We shake hands with uncertainty. READ MORE ...
https://www.christianpost.com/voices/in-these-uncertain-times-is-theme-of-entire-human-history.html?fbclid=IwAR2Z6EFcnOR_Oe73j76jfYJJV48nMNmJxPKOrGF4xkoWDJVmOvscdcnHY9s
For bonus material for the podcast, i like to include a series from my dear friend and former pastor in Nashville, TN.
Rev. Jim Bachmann's had a huge impact on me as a believer ...and as a caregiver. Many of the precepts I've learned have been through his sermons and our many conversations. Although Gracie and I moved to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk regularly each week and he continues to provide tremendous counsel to me.
Jim is the pastor of Stephens Valley Church and you can enjoy their services online. https://stephensvalleychurch.com/
This message is about fear ...and trusting God when things simply don't make sense to us. Does that sound familiar to us as caregivers?
FEAR is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines that plague all of us as family caregivers. I believe this message will strengthen your heart as much as it did mine.
The Opposite of Certaintyis the story of Janine’s reluctant journey beyond easy answers and platitudes. She searches for a source of strength bigger than her circumstances, only to have her circumstances become even thornier with her own crisis. Drawn deeply and against her will into herself, and into the eternal questions we all ask, she discovers hidden reserves of strength, humor, and a no-matter-what faith that looks nothing like she thought it would.
Beautifully written and deeply hopeful, Janine shows us how can we come through impossible times, transformed and yet more ourselves than we’d ever allowed ourselves to be.
https://www.janineurbaniakreid.com/
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope
Stephen Ministries founder, Dr. Kenneth Haugk called the show to discuss the work of this extraordinary organization. Dr. Haugk, along with program director, Joel Bretscher, share the scope and vision of Stephen Ministries, as well as the way they are adapting to the social distancing challenges currently facing the world.
If you want to know more about Stephen Ministries, please call: 314 428 2600 or visit:
https://www.stephenministries.org
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope
Do you feel you've lost yourself in someone else's story? As a caregiver, it's easy to do. Hooking up a keyboard for the show, I demonstrate how losing the melody served as a teachable moment for me.
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, the nationally syndicated radio program through American Family Radio. 5/16/2020
Years ago, I listen to a preacher tell the congregation, "Don't you want to go to Heaven?"Well ...who doesn't? But is that the reason I trust Christ?
If the whole point of this is "fire-insurance" then why are we left on this earth?
With that in mind, I wrote down, "Heaven's Not the Reason." At the piano, I developed a melody ...and then asked my long-time friend, Hank Martin, to help me finish this song.
When Gracie started her project,RESILIENT, we dusted this song off ...and she and our friend, Scat Springs sang it together.
If you want a copy of the CD, RESILIENT, click this link: www.standingwithhope.com/resilient
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400 + episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. (80+ surgeries, multiple amputations)
For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
On this podcast, I like to include special features ...and one of those is a sermon a week from my pastor back in Nashville, Jim Bachmann. Although Gracie and I left Tennessee to move to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk several times a week. Jim's been a HUGE part of my journey as a caregiver and as a Christian, and I felt my subscribers would also find his messages meaningful.
This is part of a series about Jesus' Parables that Jim is currently teaching.
For more information, visit www.stephensvalleychurch.com
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains more than 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Have you ever helped someone else walk? Click below to learn more
www.standingwithhope.com
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 5/9/2020
A reporter once asked me, What's the toughest issue for you as a caregiver?
"Hands down," I replied. "Knowing What is Mine and Not Mine."
All too many times, because I felt out of control, I tried to insert myself into things that were not mine to control (or attempt to control). Is that a common feeling for you as a caregiver?
We discussed this on the show ...plus we took calls. Some of these calls are hard to hear, but that's the purpose of this show ...to provide a safe place for people to share these burdens.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Have you ever helped someone else walk? Click below to learn more
www.standingwithhope.com
For a special Mothers' Day episode, I invited my mother, Mary, to join me on the show. Along with Gracie and producer, John Butler, this is an episode that will touch your heart, inspire you, and demonstrate the importance of praying mothers.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains nearly 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Have you ever helped someone else walk? Click below to learn more
www.standingwithhope.com
On this podcast, I like to include special features ...and one of those is a sermon a week from my pastor back in Nashville, Jim Bachmann. Although Gracie and I left Tennessee to move to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk several times a week. Jim's been a HUGE part of my journey as a caregiver and as a Christian, and I felt my subscribers would also find his messages meaningful.
This message is from May 3, 2020 and is titled: THE AMAZING KINGDOM OF GOD
For more information, visit www.stephensvalleychurch.com
There's a reason Gracie's new CD is titled RESILIENT. 80+ operations, both legs amputated, multiple MRSA infections, pulmonary emboli, and then she gets the Corona virus. (not to mention being married to me for 34 years!)
But she's lived to tell about it ...and sing about it.
Gracie joined me on the show, and we also performed a few songs LIVE. Take a listen, share it with friends who need a bit of encouragement today!
Find out more about Gracie's CD visit www.standingwithhope.com/resilient
We love our callers, and Bill in VA offered some great insights from his journey caring for his father with dementia. In addition, Kerry from OH shared how much the show means to her and wanted to find the archives.
Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains nearly 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers! Click here for more!
Have you ever helped someone else walk? Click below to learn more
www.standingwithhope.com
As the country begins the reopening process, many remain concerned about hospital visits and postponing surgery. As the Chief of Staff at a major urban hospital, Dr. Jones brings a strong understanding of the challenges facing medical staff, patients, and caregivers. In our discussion, he describes the measures he and his colleagues continue to take to keep patients, families, and staff safe in this "new normal' facing our country.
Dr. Christopher Jones specializes in Cardiac Electrophysiology at Centennial Heart in Nashville, TN. For more information, please visit www.centennialheart.com.
- What is elective surgery? Is it optional?
- Will my loved be safe at the hospital?
- Can I visit?
- What is "Caregiver authority?
- How do we deal with the fear?
About Peter Rosenberger and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER?
“How can you laugh given what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Sponsored by: Standing With Hope
When Chuck and Sharon Betters learned of the son's tragic death twenty-five years ago, they had no idea how God will minister to them in such a brutal heartache ...and then lead them into ministering to countless others. They've assembled resources for hurting individuals, families, churches, and communities. Just a few of the topics they address include:
- Post Abortion Guilt
- Infidelity
- Death
- Incest
- Abuse
Now, they've created an video-counseling service. Safe, secure, and affordable, this Biblically-based counseling service can help those struggling with heartbreaking challenges who don't have access to counselors in their area ...or have lost their independence due to caregiving responsibilities.
For more information visit: www.Markinc.org or https://biblicalcounseling.online/
It's hard to look at the things we face as caregivers ...and now, as a nation. What sustains you when you look at painful circumstances? What sustains when you daily struggle with harsh and brutal challenges.
I find it helpful to ask those who live with a lot of scars and painful things ...and yet live to laugh, sing, and LIVE despite those things. My go to person ...is my wife, Gracie.
A friend heard this segment at the end of a recent show, and asked me to send it out as a stand alone podcast. Please share it with others.
See more at our blog: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/blog
Sponsored by:
The Foxworthys are two of my favorite people in the world. For twenty years, I've had the privilege of calling them friends ...and they have both been great mentors to me as I've built the show and our message to family caregivers.
Is it OK to laugh ...even when dealing with harsh realities? Yes! Keeping a sense of humor is imperative. Every caregiver will admit the tears are never in short supply. But the inventory of laughter remains scarcer than a roll of Charmin at Walmart. Humor can not only help the healing process with the patient but also for the caregiver — as well as the country.
Jeff and Gregg married nearly 35 years ago, and their amazing partnership as helped lighten the hearts of countless lives. YOU WILL LOVE this conversation with these two wonderful people.
About Peter Rosenberger
“How can you laugh given what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Sponsored by: Standing With Hope
Fear is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines, and it can lead us down dark paths as individuals ...and as a nation.
While Americans put collective shoulders to the wheel to protect fellow citizens, an age-old problem now emerges—one I recall my father cautioning against more than forty years ago. “Beware of small people with authority.”
A sad consequence of America’s drastic efforts in dealing with the COVID-19 virus is the elevation of Frank Burns” types (from the TV show, MASH). These “small-minded” individuals seem to draw excitement from pursuing their gratification while others struggle.
“Funny thing, war - Never have so many suffered so much, so, so few could be so happy!!"– Major Frank Burns
Surrendering freedom to fear will always be met with the intense rush of those willing to consume that freedom for their own power.
Like guardrails on a curving highway, the rules exist for all—but there will always be those who desire rules for others but not for themselves. Only the bravery of those who love freedom can curtail those who wish to use calamity to satisfy their lusts for control.
See more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Children often ask the best questions. When only 9-years-old, our oldest son asked me, "How can I trust God to care about my hurts when I see what He allows Mom to go through?"
For a lifetime, Paul Young wrestled with that kind of question and more. That journey led him to write the hugely popular book, "THE SHACK." The question "is God Good?" serves as the centerpiece for nearly everything he does in his writing and speaking.
That's why I invited him to call the show and talk about this ...as the world tries to wrap it's collective mind around the concept of a good and loving God in the midst of the COVID-19 virus.
At the end of the interview, Paul quoted this poem and we felt the whole poem should be included in this podcast.
Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers, and part of being healthy is trusting the goodness of God...even when faced with heartbreaking loss and challenges.
'Kind of Way'
April 2019
www.davidtensen.com
I know that you know.
So I should probably confess it.
Not because it's a bad thing.
But because it's normal
and necessary to admit
you've disappointed me
and continue to.
Although I don't mind as much
now.
Still, there were many times
I prayed.
Followed the rules.
Gave my two mites.
Did all the things I was told would work
and others certified
with charismatic conviction
to do more
give more
faith more
sacrifice more
lots more.
But still, nothing.
No breakthrough
like I believed
like I prayed for.
I underestimated you.
I wanted to believe
you were containable
constrainable
and reliable
in the 'my way' kind of way.
The magician
hitman
slot machine
deal maker
earth shaker
genie-in-a-bottle
kind of way.
Then I recalled
that on a dark but necessary day
you took yourself
and my kind of way
and the cosmos
to a cross.
Then you went missing for three days.
And my world fell apart.
All my hope exhaled a forsaken surrender,
and my heart broke
and my dreams broke.
My kind of way
kind of died
again.
And there you were
alive and the same
but not really.
A resurrected form of you
that even took familiar friends
by surprise.
And that's what you keep doing.
To this day
you keep failing and disappointing me
in the best kind of ways.
Every time I think I've got you
where I think I need you
you disappoint and disappear
and turn up incognito
on a familiar path
at a regular meal
in an average garden
with a spark in your eye
that demands my attention.
You invite me again
to put my hand in your side
embrace you and kiss you
and get to know you again
in a new kind of way.
"They [caregivers] don't practice self CARE, because they're so self-LESS. We see it in Arthritis...but other people see it in other areas, as well." - Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick
Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick (Southern Joint Replacement Institute) called the show to discuss the economy opening up and "elective" surgery for those struggling with hips, knees, and shoulder issues.
OK ...so are you safe from COVID-19 if you have a surgery like this? Surgery Center or Hospital? These and more topics are covered in this interview.
Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick Bio
Dr. Hodrick received his M.D. from Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine and completed his residency at Duke University Medical Center where he received the Duke University Health System Strength Hope and Caring award in 2006. Additionally, Dr. Hodrick completed a Fellowship in Adult Reconstruction at the University of Utah Medical Center in Salt Lake City. He is not only a highly sought after surgeon for joint replacement, but is in high demand as a surgical instructor and speaker for his work in the area of robotic-arm assisted surgery. SEE MORE:
About Peter Rosenberger
Author and Speaker Peter Rosenberger is the host of a weekly national radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he’s cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities (and currently the COVID-19 Virus). www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Melissa Strickland (Sr. Director of Communications for Samaritan's Purse) called the show to share the work of Samaritan's Purse in NYC (and other places). Melissa's also a caregiver herself for a husband with high-risk issues ...so going to NY was not easy task.
Listen to: Why she did it, and what she discovered there about:
- the people they treat
- the reception from New Yorkers
- the push back from a small but VERY vocal minority
- but most of all...what's she learned about faith in Christ.
After listening to this podcast ...PLEASE share it with everyone in your social media world, and commit to praying for Melissa and all the folks at Samaritan's Purse ...and then consider supporting them financially at www.samaritanspurse.org
ABOUT PETER ROSENBERGER
"How can you laugh ...given what you both live through?!"
Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses life’s caregiving challenges with candor, compassion, and even comedy.
Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.
Watching the decline of a figure who looms large in your life brings a pain, melancholy, and sorrow. Gary Chapman understands those in deeply personal ways. Yet, he also understands faith, hope, and God's faithfulness. As journeyed with his father all the way to the end of life on this earth, Gary relates a powerful message of that experience ...and the profound transformation that occurred in his own life.
During that time, the great hymns of our faith grew in increasing importance to Gary. Playing them at his father's bedside, Gary saw the emotional, spiritual, and physical comfort they brought to his father's pain. He has committed to introducing ...and reintroducing these hymns to vast numbers.
The hymns, Gary shared, were "...written out of great pain or great joy ...or a combination of both."
Follow along with Gary's hymn a week: https://www.facebook.com/ahymnaweek
ABOUT HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
“How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses life’s caregiving challenges with candor, compassion, and even comedy.
Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers
poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.
Sponsored by:
Part of my ongoing series to invite special guests to the show to share encouraging thoughts about faith, life, the COVID-19 virus, and even a chuckle or two.
Joni and Ken Tada are two of my favorite people in the whole world, and Gracie and I are grateful to call them friends. Joni and Gracie have recorded several duets, and Ken wrote the forward to my book, Hope for the Caregiver.
This remarkable couple brings a perspective and wisdom gleaned from a lifetime of trusting God through painful challenges.
From www.joniandfriends.com
Joni is one of the world’s leading international advocates for people affected by disability. A diving accident in 1967 left her, then 17, a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. After two years of rehabilitation, she emerged with new skills and a fresh determination to help others in similar situations. She founded Joni and Friends in 1979, which quickly grew to provide Christ-centered programs to special needs families, churches, and communities. Joni survived stage III breast cancer in 2010, and still keeps a very active ministry schedule.
Joni has written over 50 books, including her best-selling autobiography, Joni, which was made into a feature film. Her new award-winning daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also served as General Editor of the Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for people who suffer chronic conditions and their caregivers. She and her husband Ken were married in 1982 and reside in California.
As Gracie battles the COVID-19 Virus herself, these hymns she recorded bolster her heart.
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;leave to your God to order and provide; in ev'ry change he faithful will remain.Be still, my soul: your best, your heav'nly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: your Jesus can repay from his own fullness all he takes away.
There is a balm in Gileadto make the wounded whole.There is a balm in Gileadto heal the sin sick soul.Sometimes I feel discouraged, and think my work's in vain,but then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.You may not preach like Peter, You may not pray like Paul,But you can tell the love of Jesus, and how He died for all.
A long time friend and Grammy award winner sound engineer, Chris Latham, brought sound equipment to the house and we recorded Gracie singing this medley at our home in Nashville. Newly out of the hospital facing life threatening challenges, we didn't know if she'd be able to sing again. After she finished, Chris looked at me with tears running down his face and said, "Those who can ...do."
Balm in Gilead serves as the defining hymn for my father's 60 years as a minister. I can't recall a time when he didn't talk about this hymn. I asked Gracie to sing this for that recording session ...as a father's day gift to my dad. What happened in that session was so extraordinary, that this song has become a defining to song ...and a mission ... to Gracie and me, as well.
"..to make the wounded whole - to heal the sin sick soul." It's a hymn of lament ...and one of hope. Both of these hymns reflect pain, fear, and loss ...but the writers anchored themselves in the hope of God's faithfulness. Gracie's lengthy and severe challenges brings a richness and depth to these hymns that continue to strengthen so many.
As individuals, families, churches, communities, and our country faces these difficult times, voices of experience ...who've seen God's faithfulness in brutal challenges ...can help settle our hearts down and point us to safety. Our souls need to be still ...and there is indeed a Balm in Gilead.
Please feel free to share this with someone who is hurting today.
(Stream or download this album at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music
Do you find our message and this podcast meaningful?
Please consider a tax-deductible gift to help support this ministry at www.standingwithhope.com/giving
"I wish had a different testimony, but sadly I do not!"
One of the reasons I wanted Chonda to call the show, is because she brings such candor and authenticity to her humor ...to the delight of hundreds of thousands. While no stranger to heartache and grief, Chondra continues to open her life and see it with tear-filled eyes and a whole lot of laughter.
In this frank and funny interview, Chondra demonstrates why she is one of the most successful comedians ...EVER!
For more information, visit Chondra.org
About Peter Rosenberger
“How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses the challenges of life candor, compassion, and even comedy.
Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.
With vast numbers either working from home or losing their job, many are asking the question, "Should I Change The Way I Work?"
Caregivers have struggled with this issue for years as we've tried to juggle a job while caregiving. For nearly ten years, David Asarnow and Bob Sears have helped mentor me as I built a national broadcasting platform and message to my fellow caregivers ...all while I still serve as a caregiver. They helped me understand that I needed to change the WAY I worked.
- We caregivers work hard ...but are we utilizing all of our skills?
- Do we even know what they are?
- Are we treading water ...or gaining ground?
- Can we negotiate a better arrangement with our employers so that we can work from home while managing our caregiving responsibilities?
- Do we know who to turn our experience as caregivers into career success?
- Is this turbulent time in our country the right time for us to launch a side business that can provide additional revenue and possibly a path to our controlling our employment destiny?
These and more questions will be addressed in the new FREE webinar that David and Bob will host. Take advantage of this TODAY by signing up at www.changethewayIwork.com
You might be astonished at what YOU have to offer. It's a free webinar that connects you with two incredibly strategic people who bring insights and ideas to the employment pinch you feel.
Part of our growth as caregivers is to be good stewards. That includes being good stewards of our employment and work strategies.
The new FREE webinar from David and Bob is a great step to practice that stewardship. They truly get the challenges facing caregivers, and like they have for me for nearly a decade, they stand ready to offer their best ...to help you achieve your best.
About Peter Rosenberger
“How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.
Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses the challenges of life candor, compassion, and even comedy.
Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.
"Our Country Is Resilient and Resourceful."
With his customary calmness and reassuring manner, Gov. Mike Huckabee shared his thoughts on the challenges facing families ...and our nation during these difficult times.
Drawing on his vast experience from behind pulpits and podiums, Gov. Huckabee offers leadership and perspective in ways few can. https://www.mikehuckabee.com/
Click to listen to previous download
https://hopeforthecaregiver.podbean.com/e/larry-the-cable-guy-calls-to-help-lighten-our-hearts/
Brought to you by: Standing With Hope
Comedy Superstar Larry The Cable Guy calls to share his humor, heart, and his thoughts on a whole bunch of things! Gracie and I first met Larry nearly 20 years ago ...and wait until you hear that story!
If "Laughter Is The Best Medicine", then Larry The Cable Guy is one of the best healthcare providers in the world!
For more information on Larry The Cable, including his wonderful foundation, "Git-R-Done" Foundation, visit www.larrythecableguy.com His new comedy special, REMAIN SEATED, released through Comedy Dynamics on April 7.
Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger airs LIVE on Sundays at 6 PM Eastern on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel 131 and Saturdays at 8 AM on American Family Radio.
Sponsored by: Standing With Hope
My pastor for 20 years, Jim Bachmann, shared that phrase with me many times as Gracie and I journeyed through her severe medical challenges. It's a powerful statement that strengthens mine and Gracie's heart as she endures the COVID-19 Virus ...in addition to her other challenges.
This podcast is from our show that aired on March 28 2020.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Please feel free to share this podcast anyone. In addition, if this ministry has helped strengthen your heart, please consider supporting it today. www.standingwithhope.com/giving
Although we knew she was a high-risk individual (She's had 80 surgeries and both legs amputated), we felt we lived in a location remote enough for her safety. A trip to a medical provider in a larger city, however, seemed to have exposed her, and she tested positive for the virus.
As her caregiver for 34 years, we've faced a lot of challenges. This is just another one. They tested me ...and it came back negative (which has caused a bit of bewilderment to health officials).
In today's show ...we discussed this and more, and how Gracie and I responding to this.
Sponsored by: Standing With Hope
The loss of her father, caring for her mother, cancer ...Sheri Easter has walked challenging roads. But she keeps singing. Sheri called the show to share thoughts about her journey, her faith, and her contagious love of life!
“When we perform, we want people to leave a little different than when they came in,” Sheri explains. “We want them to have a great time smiling, laughing, crying and healing. We want them to know God loves them and that He is in control.”
@JeffandSheriEaster
Jeff & Sheri Easter (www.jeffandsherieaster.com) have been nominated for numerous Dove Awards and won 7. They’ve also received two career Grammy nominations, and Sheri has been named the Singing News Favorite Alto eleven times and the Singing News Female Vocalist four times. In 2012 Sheri received Alto of the Year by the National Quartet Convention's first annual awards. Jeff & Sheri’s wall of awards also include three Society for the Preservation of Bluegrass Music Association Awards, two International Country Gospel Music Association, nine Voice Awards for Female Artist, five Voice Awards for Song/Single of the Year, two Voice Awards for Christian Country Group, four SGM Fan Fair/USGN awards, seven SGN Scoops Diamond Awards, four Hearts Aflame Awards, and three Cash Box awards. They have also participated in the Gaither Homecoming Video Series since 1993, which has sold over 15 million units.
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is the family caregiver outreach of:
After reading Joan Borton's hilarious post, I had to call her and invite her to call the show and share her story, wisdom, faith, and great sense of humor.
"How to know it’s time to re-examine the schedule: when you look forward to going to the dentist for crown preparation because it’s an hour plus in one place with no demands other than “open, close, or bite and tap.” Sounds almost relaxing!"
Learn more about Joan at:
www.joanborton.com
Sponsored by:
When struggling during "...seasons of distress and grief," I often go to the piano and find great comfort in hymns of the faith. One of those hymns is "Sweet Hour of Prayer." Sweet hour of prayerSweet hour of prayerThat calls me from a world of careAnd bids me at my Father's throneMake all my wants and wishes knownIn seasons of distress and griefMy soul has often found reliefAnd oft escaped the tempter's snareBy Thy return, sweet hour of prayer Sweet hour of prayerSweet hour of prayerThe joys I feel, the bliss I shareOf those whose anxious spirits burnWith strong desires for Thy returnWith such I hasten to the placeWhere God my Savior shows His faceAnd gladly take my station thereAnd wait for Thee, sweet hour of prayer Sweet hour of prayer Sweet hour of prayerAnd wait for TheeSweet hour of prayer This CD is available on all download/streaming sites. Sponsored by:
A trip to the podiatrist turned into a teachable moment for me regarding stress as a caregiver. He said something so simple and obvious, but as a friend of mine once stated, "...the obvious becomes obvious--right before it becomes obvious."
Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger is the family caregiver outreach of STANDING WITH HOPE. Feel free to share this free podcast ...and help support it through a tax deductible gift to Standing With Hope.
Award winning author, Mary Elizabeth Jackson, called the show to share her personal journey, things she's learned, and the latest in her "Poohlicious" books.
During the conversation, we --along with my sidekick, John Butler (AKA the Count of Mighty Disco) --also took some calls together.
visit: www.maryejackson.com
About Peter and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
A 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger brings a profound understanding of the caregiver’s journey.
His show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER airs on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) and an additional 180 stations on American Family Radio...as well as this podcast.
Through his books, music, radio show and podcast, Peter demonstrates an unswerving commitment to strengthen fellow caregivers.
Sponsored by: STANDING WITH HOPE
"It's always about the money ..." is a statement caregivers are well served to remember— particularly when caring for someone else's family member.
This caller discovered that she has more than one problem following a stint of taking care of a man she considered a "grandfather" - but wasn't.
Brought to you by:
Standing With Hope
If it's not the Coronavirus, some other flu issue lurks around the corner. Guess who's the most vulnerable? Chances are it's your loved one ...and YOU!
In addition to the common sense recommendation of the CDC (washing hands, covering mouth, etc.), here are some tips to protect your loved one and yourself while caregiving:
-
Coronavirus targets elderly, overweight, diabetic, and other otherwise at-risk individuals. Yet many of the caregivers of those individual also struggle with those same issues.
- Excessive Weight Gain is significant issue for many caregivers
- Caregivers often fail to see to their medical needs …while struggling to care for another
- Caregivers consistently deal with high stress circumstances which comprise our abilities to stay healthy.
- Staying out of the hospital is imperative …they can be a brick and mortar petri dish.
- More than 9 Million ER Visits each year due to falls https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20180306005064/en/Fall-Injuries-Record-Number-Emergency-Room-Visits
- Over 65 group represent 69% of hospitalization caused by falls
- Caregivers can reduce fall risks for themselves and their loved ones by:
- Well-lit rooms
- Remove fall hazards such as throw rugs
- Install grab bars in bathrooms
- If you have a pedestal sink in bathroom, replace with a cabinet or ensure it’s secured properly (People use it to lean on)
- Wear comfortable shoes and avoid heels.
- Make multiple trips to the car …instead of trying to carry too much into the house. Caregivers are often in a hurry …and that’s when accidents happen
-
Health Tips
- Keep bathrooms and kitchen areas clean
- Watch for mold/mildew buildup
- Hydrate
- Make sure to thoroughly clean CPAP and other breathing assisted devices (for both caregivers and patients)
- More healthcare treatment goes on in the home with caregivers than in the doctor’s office. Rest UP!
- Consider an app/telemedicine service to avoid getting loved ones out for routine physician visits …particularly on damp days.
From our radio show for family caregivers, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 02/29/2020.
Discussing Repentance and the Family Caregiver, this show delves into teachable moments in our journey through caregiving.
Brought to you by Standing With Hope
"For the wounded ...and those who care for them."
Rev. Brian Darnell, Director of Chaplaincy and Volunteer Services at Core Civic, called the show to share his passion for faith based programs for inmates.
Our radio program is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope ...a ministry Gracie envisioned following the amputation of her legs. One of Core Civic's programs is our prosthetic limb outreach. Inmates in TN prison run by Core Civic volunteer to help us recycle parts from donated used prosthetic limbs.
Gracie's desire was to provide quality prosthetic limbs her fellow amputees as a means of sharing the Gospel. We've been doing just that since 2005 in the West African country of Ghana. www.standingwithhope.com/recycle
If you desire to participate as a volunteer mentor in any of Core Civic's faith programs ...or wish to participate as an employer and hire inmates at your business .. please contact us at https://standingwithhope.com/about/contact/
Standing With Hope: For the Wounded and Those Who Care For Them
#caregiving #caregivers #prosthetics #amputees
At a local bookstore a while back, Gracie and I, along with our friend Hank, performed Christmas Carols for friends. John and Sally Mae dropped in, and I turned the keyboard over to him. Gracie sat on a stool, and she and Hank had such a great time singing to John's extraordinary playing.
You're getting this bonus material as a follower of our podcast!
Later that evening, we all decided that Gracie and John should record a song together. The first time John accompanied Gracie was when she auditioned at Belmont (in Nashville) in the Spring of 1983. She arrived at the college without anyone to accompany her, but John (a professor there) agreed to play for her. She earned a music scholarship ...and started as a freshman in the fall.
Six months later, Gracie slammed into a concrete abutment that accident led to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.
John and Sally Mae used to visit Gracie regularly ...and formed a lasting friendship.
I transferred to Belmont as Gracie recovered. My piano professor was John Arnn. Meeting Gracie a year later, we started dating and then married in Summer of 1986 John Played at our wedding.
John also played at our son's wedding (but opted out from playing at our grandchildren's wedding - saying he'd been nearly 100 by then ...and it may be too much!)
In March of 2018, thirty-five years to the month they met, John came to our home and rehearsed YOU MUST BELIEVE IN SPRING with Gracie.
When lonely feelings chill the meadows of your mind Just think if winter comes, can spring be far behind? Beneath the deepest snows,the secret of a rose Is merely that it knows You must believe in spring Just as a tree is sure its leaves will reappear It knows its emptiness is just a time of year T he frozen mountains dreams of April's melting streams How crystal clear it seems you must believe in spring Alan & Marilyn Bergman/Michel Legrand Following her performance in the studio, Gracie looked at John with tears in both their eyes, and stated simply, “I sang this to my 17-year-old self.”
Download this song today from Amazon or I Tunes.
Or get the entire CD with a donation to Standing With Hope. (Click for More) (Promo code: MUSIC)
One of my favorite and most inspiring friends is Pastor Robert Morgan.
A caregiver for three decades for his wife, Katrina, through her journey of MS, Robert brings vast experience and depth to his books and ministry.
Throughout his journey as a caregiver, Robert never stopped writing or functioning in the call of ministry on his life. A prolific author, Robert’s new book:
100 Bible Verses That Made America
is available wherever books are sold. Katrina helped edit Robert's books, and this was their last project together.
When discussing the movement to secularize our country and remove the Bible from our schools and public square, Robert shares "...There's not an eraser big enough to erase the Bible from American History."
You will be touched by this inspiring interview ...and please share it with a friend.
https://www.amazon.com/Bible-Verses-That-Made-America/dp/0718079620
Sponsored by:
While "The Only Thing We Have To Fear is Fear Itself" inspired a nation facing war, the battle between caregivers and fearful issues remains constant and different. REAL and frightening things face us. How do we deal with them? What's the path to safety?
What does Scripture say about fear? Fear is one the 7 Caregiver Landmines I discuss in my book. We caregivers tend to "live in the wreckage of our future" as we dread things that haven't even happened yet. Is there a way for us to push back against Fear?
Absolutely ...and we discuss it in this clip from 2/15/2020 's show.
Sponsored by:
With all due respect to Commodore Perry ...I paraphrased, changed, and re-appropriated his famous quote.
As caregivers, our enemy is not our loved one ...or their condition. Rather, it is ourselves. Particularly the pesky, yet delicious sin that we savor: Resentment.
Sponsored by:
Playing bass, guitar, and singing took him into the world of caregivers. Now, Anthony Cirillo has a cause and a huge impact on the healthcare systems in our country. Anthony Cirillo is Global Practice Partner of GIS Healthcare, a provider of caregiver and related solutions to corporations and health providers. He is also the creator of the Caregiver Smile Summit. A health and aging expert, professional speaker and media influencer, Cirillo is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives with a Masters from the University of Pennsylvania. His consulting and speaking expertise serves a worldwide clientele including Cleveland Clinic, King Faisal Hospital, Atrium Health and Wall Street startups. He is a member of the Nationwide Financial/NCOA Health and Wellness Roundtable and a member of the Bank of America Elder Care Policy Roundtable. Contact him at anthonycirillojr@gmail.com. Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger is the family caregiver outreach of:
Sitting at the piano, I played a simple seven note melody. Stewing around with it for a while, I knew I wanted to write a song to describe the heart of a caregiver. Playing with it bit more, I kept coming back to that simple melody. After a while, I reached out to a friend and veteran songwriter, Buddy Mondlock, and we wrote this song together.
There's a lyric in this that sums it for so many of us caregivers:
"I know there will be sorrow. We'll face that somehow. But my hands can't hold tomorrow ...I can only hold you now."
Gracie asked to sing it, but she also expressed a great deal of nervousness about performing it in the studio. Asking her why, she replied with tears in her eyes, "This is an important song to you, and I wanted to get it right."
She did.
We hope you enjoy this bonus content from our podcast.
You can listen to this song on all streaming platforms or get it on Amazon or Itunes.
If you like this podcast ...consider becoming a patron. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us strengthen family caregivers. If you want to give more, there are all sorts of special perks for doing so. Click here for more!
One of the 7 Caregiver Landmines is Ignoring Personal Health Needs, and more than 70% of caregivers fail to see their own physicians.
While most caregivers offer excuses such as money or time, this caller stated she didn't need to because, "God is her doctor."
Take a listen to how the conversation went ...and how the caller swerved into yet another landmine. Here are the 7 Landmines ...guess which ones she admittedly hit in this short call.
- Ignoring Personal Health Needs
- Isolation
- Excessive Weight Gain
- Loss of Identity
- Guilt
- Fear
- It's All Up To Me
Living Wills, Power of Attorney, Wills, Traffic Tickets, Business Disputes, Filing for Disability ...the list is endless for things that require the skills of an attorney.
As a caregiver, can you afford to pay for those services?
Can you afford to deal with them alone?
On this clip from the show, I discuss an affordable solution that I've been using for nearly eight years. Just recently, this solution REALLY came to my rescue.
For less than the price of a combo meal each week ...you, as a caregiver, can have access to a full legal team to help handle the crazy and overwhelming things slamming into you on a regular basis.
I tested it on myself first ...and guess what? It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Go to CaregiverLegal.com for more!
Isn't it about time someone was advocating for YOU? Click on the link ...and sign up today!
One of my all time favorite songwriters is Gary Chapman. Whenever I hear his songs, I have to stop and listen ...and they continue to stir my heart. Especially TREASURE.
Gary is also a caregiver...on several levels.
As Gary reflects in this interview, the journey he had with his father through Parkinson's and other issues helped prepare him for his little girl's recent brain surgery to remove a tumor.
Gary writes the way he does ...because he's willing to be vulnerable about his fears, failures, and faith. It's always a privilege when he calls the show, and he leaves me better than he found me. I made him promise to call again in the Spring for a longer conversation!
https://www.facebook.com/ahymnaweek/
https://www.facebook.com/garychapmanmusic/
Sponsored by:
Back in the 1970's, a friend of mine in the music business worked with legendary artist, James Brown. Years later, my friend encountered the soul singer again and remarked, "You haven't changed in 25 years!
With a huge smile, James Brown responded, "If You've Got Your Hair and Your Teeth ...You're Alright!"
While our hair supply (or lack thereof) may be genetic, we can, however, address the needs of our teeth. Recently visiting my dentist, I had an interesting conversation with the hygienist.
Well, actually she talked ...I sounded a lot like, "Mmmdfh, Dpohhs, OPPPD!"
As caregivers, we should never underestimate the importance of visiting the dentist for regular cleaning. That one act can help us in a myriad of ways, and as caregivers ...I think it's safe to say that we need all the help we can get!
Enjoy John (the count of Mighty Disco) and me discussing this often overlook but critically important issue for family caregivers.
Sponsored by:
When producing my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, I knew this song, What Can Wash Away My Sin, needed to be included.
Gracie recorded this in our kitchen. Our longtime friend from college (and Grammy winning music engineer) Chris Latham came to the house and set up microphones at our piano and ran a line into the kitchen where Gracie sat in her wheelchair. We were all a bit nervous for her, because of the numerous times she's been intubated following a series of surgeries.
During those surgeries, she nearly died several times and we feared the worst ...and no one thought she'd sing again.
She recorded this LIVE to track. That means, no do-overs, no punches, no inserts.
Without her prosthetic legs on, she sat in her wheelchair with our dog, Mack beside her, and sang this from the heart.
It was all I could do ...to keep playing while at the piano. Chris and I looked at each other afterwards, and with tears coming down his face, he said, "Those who can ...do."
Gracie's talent, and more importantly ...her conviction, equipped her to soar above her challenges and sing this song in such a powerful way.
I included this performance on the CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER (Which you can stream or download at all music sites) ...because I felt the message of this hymn would resonate deeply with fellow caregivers.
When the craziness, trauma, and grief floods over us, we steady ourselves by anchoring our hearts and minds into the reality of what Christ's sacrifice means ...and has accomplished for us.
What can wash away my sin?Nothing but the blood of Jesus;What can make me whole again?Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh! precious is the flowThat makes me white as snow;No other fount I know, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. This is all my hope and peace—Nothing but the blood of Jesus!This is all my righteousness—Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
Sponsored by:
So many times, we caregivers cry out to God for us to be "delivered FROM" these challenges. Doing this for 34 years, however, I'm learning that God meets us in it ...and delivers us THROUGH It.
In the process, we discover our battle is not with our loved one's affliction, but instead ...the battle is with ourselves.
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio JAN 18 2020 (See the full transcript of the show below.)
Brought to you by:
HFTC January 18 2020
[00:15]
Live on American family radio, this is Hope For The Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver, for those of you who are knowingly willingly and voluntarily putting yourselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. You get up every day and you do this, and maybe you do it from a couple hundred miles away and you're ensuring that finances are being met or that staff show up to do things or whatever. There's all kinds of different ways to be a caregiver. But the challenges on the heart level are still the same. And some of us are up close and personal doing it every day all day long. Some of us are checking in once a day. Some of us are supporting financially those who are. There's just a lot of different scenarios of this and some of us have had to take a step back. You may have a loved one whose alcoholism or addiction has created such a destructive swath that you can't participate up close and personal. But they have a chronic impairment and where there's a chronic impairment, there's a caregiver. And that would be you. You got a special needs child or you got an aging parent. You got somebody with a traumatic brain injury whose personality has changed dramatically. And they don't think or respond in the normal way adults would, and you're engaged with this individual every day. You got somebody who gets violent or mood swings, somebody who has mental illness.
There's so many different scenarios but there's always a caregiver for every kind of affliction. And that's why we do this show. How are you feeling? How are you doing? What's going on with you? We speak fluid caregiver here and we're very grateful American Family Radio, they see the value of this, they see the need. And family is the middle name of American Family Radio, and this show is all about the family caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. If you want to be a part of the show, and you don't really have to have any kind of important question, or some earth-shattering thing. Sometimes you just want to just talk to somebody and that's one of the things we encourage you to do on this show, is to reach out to somebody and have a conversation. Don't sit in isolation. You're why we do the show. We're taking community to the caregiver because it's hard to get out. It's hard to connect with other people. It's hard to know what to say. It's hard to know how to respond and it's frustrating. And you if you want to have a friendship or meaningful friendships in this thing, you got to have people that are willing to embrace the pain that you carry. And that's not an easy thing. And you feel kind of weird about sharing some of those things with people. I get that. Okay? You don't want to expose your loved one and you don't feel like having a drag everything all out on the table. I get that. And that's why we do this show. Because here, you don't have to bring me up to speed. On this show, we speak fluid caregiver. Okay?
So, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. I want to start off with a Scripture. I thought this may be appropriate. Well, Scripture is always appropriate but I like to be laser beam focused when it comes to the heart needs of a family caregiver. And this is a Scripture that I saw and it was-- I struggle with this. Okay? I struggle with looking all around and getting distracted. I think sometimes we as caregivers, you know, shiny objects and we get our attention span gets pulled in so many different places. Proverbs 4:25 and I'm reading in the English Standard version, but I'm going to do it in another one, in a paraphrase. “Let your eyes look directly forward.” This is proverbs 4:25 to 27. “Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you ponder the path of your feet. Then all your ways will be sure do not swerve to the right or to the left. Turn your foot away from evil.” All right. And I'm gonna read that from The Message. Okay? “Keep vigilant over your heart, that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth. Avoid careless banter, white lies and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead. Ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step and the road will stretch out smooth. Before you look neither right nor left, leave evil in the dust.” What does that mean to us as caregivers? When you're taking care of someone, and you-- For those who are brand new to the caregiving journey, it may not mean as much to you right at this moment, but for those of you who have logged some real time in this, you're going to understand that we get pulled in all kinds of directions. It is so easy for us to be looking over to the right, looking over the left, looking backwards. We spend a lot of time looking backwards. But we spent a lot of time also fearing the future. And we're going to look straight in front of us and just deal with what's ahead of us right now. And that's how we do it.
Now, again, I would really encourage you to not ever think that I own all of this. But I'm reminding myself of these things. And I had a great visual just the other day. I'm in Southwest Montana and I went out on a snowmobile. I do that a lot, just to kind of clear the cobwebs of my head. And Montana is a big state and the mountains behind us are big mountains and I have a lot of cobwebs, so I need a big state with big mountains, I guess. So, I went out there with a friend of mine, neighbor down the road, and we went out riding, and I learned how to ride snowmobiles from his father. Now you think, “Well, how hard is it to ride snowmobiles?” Well where we go, there's no lifeguard on duty and we're not out there on nice groomed roads that are flat and smooth. We're doing some pretty intensive riding. And there's this one trail that I've been riding on for 20 years, and there's a lot of switchbacks on it and it's going up incredibly steep and the snow is very deep right now. We've had a lot of new snow and it's very deep and you really gotta be-- there's a lot of balance and there's kind of a trick to riding a snowmobile. You don't just sit on it and press the throttle. You really have to handle the machine in a certain way, particularly when you have deep powdery snow.
And this particular trail is basically the width of the snowmobile, it’s not much more than that. And on one side, there's a drop off of several hundred feet, and it's a fairly frightening trail. And every time I get up there, I kinda just clench up. I'm thinking, “Oh my man, why am I doing this again?” Well, I'll tell you why I'm doing again, because the view at the top of this trail is spectacular. But to get there, it's a little bit of a challenge. And when you come out of this one clearing and the drop off is so steep besides you, you're tempted to look at the view there. Because it's a great view that I've snuck a peek out of my peripheral vision and look to my right there to see this view on this trail, but then I quickly look back and didn't stare straight at the trail so I don't go off the cliff because that's what you call a bad thing when you go off the cliff. And I wait until I get up to a place of safety where I can look at the view from a place of safety. And I have to keep my eyes on the trail. I have to stay focused. I can't be distracted, I can't look around because there's real danger if I do.
And I think that's for us as caregivers, that's kind of where we are a lot of times. There's some places that we would love to be able to stop and view but it's not safe to do it. And we have to keep our eyes focused straight ahead and keep our head in the game. Not get distracted, not looking left or right, but just not even trying to sneak a view out of a peripheral, but to keep focused on the trail in front of us. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” We don't necessarily see 700 yards down the road. And on this particular trail I'm riding on, you're doing good to look 10 feet ahead before it switches back, but you keep straight in here. This is hope for the caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger 888-589-8840. We'll be right back.
[Music]
Welcome back to Hope For The Caregiver on American Family Radio. I'm Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for you, as a family caregiver, you’re why we do this show. And because He lives we can face tomorrow that we are not paralyzed by the circumstances that we're in. We're not overwhelmed by them. It's not gonna be easy. And I heard a great quote the other day that says “Anybody says life is easy as selling something.” It's not. It's going to be hard work. But doesn't mean it can't be done and doesn't mean that you're going to be doomed to seeing ugly things in life for the whole life. There's beauty and joy all around you even in the midst of very difficult challenges. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show, we're live. How are you feeling? How are you doing as a caregiver? How are you holding up?
I know that so many of you are looking at very grim things every day. And there are times when you just hang your head in weariness. I get it. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Still feel that way at times. I really do. And so, what do you do when you get that way? How do you strengthen yourself? How do you work through that? Who do you talk to? Are you hearing messages from your pastor that are strengthening you? Are you calling anyone? Is anyone calling you? You’re why we do the show because so many of you are not engaged in a good church situation. So many of you are just by yourself and the only lifeline you have is coming through the radio or through your app that you're listening to, or whatever device you're listening to this show on, and this may be the only place where you're hearing anything that speaking to you is in the voice of a caregiver, to your heart as a caregiver.
So, I want you to take advantage of this show, I want you to take advantage of this time and be a part of it. Share what's on your heart. And I'm going to try to plow as many things into your heart to strengthen you along the journey, just as people have done for me, and I'm also doing it for myself. That's how we do it as believers. It's not a one and done by the way, it's not something you just get. Okay, I got it. I'm gonna go move on with the rest of my life. No, no, no, this is the rest of our life. We will be needing to say these things every day to ourselves. And if anybody tells you different, they'll lie about other things too. Because this is how it's done. You go back and look through all of Scripture, it is a constant reaffirming of the Gospel. It is a constant reaffirming of the work of Christ. It is a constant reaffirming of the faithfulness of God. God knows that we're scared. He knows that we're weary. He knows that we're struggling. Look through all of Scripture. You'll never find one Scripture says, “Hey, I know y'all got that. I'll see you around a little later.” He says “I'm with you always. I know you're scared but don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.” Okay.
And I just can't stress enough to you these things on what it means to you as a family caregiver to be reaffirming these messages. I want to read another Scripture to you, Psalm 147:3. Psalms-- My mother tells me this a lot that Psalms is a great place to go when you don't really know what else to say or do. You can go into the Psalms and listen to others before you, particularly King David pour out his heart. But he wasn't the only one that was involved in the Psalms. There are others that wrote those Psalms and a lot of them are [??? 14:28], and they're struggling and you could see the shift in their faith, particularly in David Psalms when he starts off with you know, “I'm struggling, I long the Lord” or you know, all these things, and then he wrenches his will into the will of God and you can hear almost the wheels turning in his head as he is reaffirming his trust in God. Psalm 147:3. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Let me read it in The Message. “He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.” How many of you as caregivers have had to dress wounds? I mean, I've done that quite a bit. And my wife has a lot of wounds. She had a terrible accident back in 83. 80 surgeries later that we can count, 150 other smaller procedures. She's got one right now that we're having to watch very carefully.
How many of you all have bandaged wounds? You know what that's like. Do you understand that you have ones that require bandaging, too. Every time you've dressed a wound, and some of the ones that we have to dress as caregivers can be fairly complex wounds. I've had to do dressings where I've had to gown up, you know, in mask and gloves and the whole thing, and that's not easy. And as you think about that, as you've changed a wound, as you look at a wound, as you look at an angry wound, an angry wound is a wound that is inflamed and red and irritated. You have wounds like that as a caregiver. Do you know that? You have wounds like that. But you also have a savior who bandages those wounds, who is tending to those wounds. And they don't heal overnight. Sometimes it takes-- gosh, it seems like it just takes forever for them to heal. And some wounds don't heal this side of heaven completely.
Do you understand? Can you picture what it's like to have a Savior that's bandaging your wounds as a caregiver? Let me describe what some of those wounds are. Maybe they’re wounds of resentment. Maybe you have been pierced all the way to the core of who you are by the very person you're caring for. Maybe they have said and done things to you that just cut you so deep and yet, you got to keep on being a caregiver. Maybe you're changing someone's diapers, an aging parent or whatever, who's just cursing at you. Or maybe you got family members who are criticizing you and you are showing up every day doing what they're not doing, but they're criticizing you and giving you lots of pointers and suggestions on how to do it better. Those are wounds. Maybe you've had church folk, pastors who have chastise you for your lack of faith. Maybe some of your wounds are self-inflicted. You brought this child into the world with a disability and you blame yourself for it. Maybe you're just continuing to just create your own wounds, by just beating yourself. You have a Savior you that bandages up all of those wounds and more. Did you know that? Did you know that that's who your Savior is. He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.
Are you wounded today as you're listening to this show? Are those wounds front and center in your thoughts in mind. My dad, longtime minister, greatest influence in my life, and the song that defines his entire ministry is an old spiritual called Balm in Gilead. That's Balm, B-A-L-M, not B-O-M-B. Forgive my Southern accent. For those of you who speak Southern, that's not a problem, you understood what I was saying. But for those of you who don't, it's Balm, B-A-L-M, a soothing ointment. There's a Balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole. There is a Balm in Gilead to heal the sin soul. Gracie recorded this on her CD, you can get a copy of it, and I would highly recommend you doing so. You can go out to HopeForTheCaregiver.com and take a look at it. It's an extraordinary arrangement that she sang. And I was always-- I've heard this song sung so many times and I think they've tried to recapture the old spiritual sound for it, and everybody that I heard perform it growing up saying it like, you know, “There is a Balm in Gilead,” like they're singing Old Man River kind of thing. And I didn't think it needed to be performed that way. This is a song of lament, and from people who are in pain, that's the origins of the song. And I felt like it needed to be sung by someone who was in pain. And my wife has not known a day without pain since Reagan's first term—37 years this year.
And so, when she sings this, she's singing it from the depth of that pain and Gracie is a real singer. I mean, a no kidding singer. And when I played this for her, and I slowed it down and I played it for her to sing, she was in her wheelchair and she sang it live to track. Which, what that means for those who are not really in the music scene, whatever that much, we weren't punching anything in. he didn't have to do a bunch of takes with it or fix this or this. She just sang it. And what came from her was so extraordinary because she understood the concept. “There is a Balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole,” and she's wounded. Both of her legs are gone. Her body's orthopedically a wreck. She's wounded and she's had more bandages on her than other people I know. I don't know anybody who's had bandages on her like she has and wounds at least orthopedically and physically. But I would suggest to you that you as a caregiver understand wounds of that level too, just a different way. And I would also encourage you not to dismiss those wounds, that they are real, and they are painful, and they require attention. But the good news is you have a Savior that's giving you that attention. You have a Savior that knows how to dress wounds, your wounds. Your wounds as a caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. You don't have to have a question. Just call it just help one caregiver today. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope For The Caregiver. We'll be right back.
[Music]
Welcome back to hope for the caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. And by the way, I got the stats that we're also the nation's number one podcast for the family caregiver. You want to be a part of the podcast, it’s very easy. Just go to HopeForTheCaregiver.com, and it's all there at the website. And it's a free podcast, we podcast this show and other bonus materials, and all kinds of things that we do out there and it's a free podcast. And I'm very grateful for American Family Radio for seeing the value of what we do, and taking this message to this incredibly underserved population. For the family caregiver, for those who are knowingly, willingly and voluntarily putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. And sometimes we're doing it at the expense of our own bodies, of our own hearts, of our own wallets, of our own careers, all those kinds of things. How do you help these people? How do you strengthen the family caregiver? What does it look like? That's what this show was about. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.
I want to go back to the Scripture we started with— I want to kind of just drill down on this a little bit more so that you can leave this show today. After this show, my goal for the show is, is at the end of the show, I leave you a little better than I found you. You know, with something that you can hang on to that's tangible, right where you are as a caregiver. I can't take away your stuff anymore than you take away mine. I can't fix what you deal with any more than you could fix mine. But we can build each other up in this, and we can sustain each other. There's not a destination where you get to a point where you say “Okay, I've got this. I'm done.” Even at the grave that doesn't end for the caregiver. Because I maintain that the caregiver has a PTSD quality that affects them after the funeral. Now, I can't say that from personal experience because I'm still a caregiver. I'm in my 34th year of this. But I can say that with reasonable certainty based on the number of caregivers I've talked to, and the amount of time I've spent in this world, that just because your loved one passes away, doesn’t mean that the challenges you're dealing with and the things, the wounds that you're dealing with, just go away.
I think that's the mistake a lot of people make as they get into this world as a caregiver that it's, if we can just get them to stop doing this, then we'll be okay. But it doesn't work that way. And those of you with some real longevity in this understand that concept. It takes a while to figure that out. In the first, the beginning part of your journey as a caregiver, we spent a lot of time trying to run around in a flurry trying to do this and this and this and this because we're trying to fight off all the tigers that are attacking us. And then after a while, we realized the tigers aren't going to stop coming, and we got to have a different strategy. We can't just keep rushing out. We've got to replenish, we've got to stock up, we've got to endure this. And that's why when I wrote the book, Hope For The Caregiver and my other books and when I did the show and all the things that we do, it was always designed to equip caregivers to endure, not to accomplish or not to reign victoriously as a caregiver, but to endure but endure, with more calmness, to endure with more hope, to endure with more joy.
So, I'm not content to just kind of grind my teeth and survive this. I want to grow in it. More importantly, I want to see God differently in this. And more importantly than that, He desires to reveal Himself to us in greater depth in this. Everything in Scripture confirms that, and He reveals Himself to us in suffering. CS Lewis says, “Suffering is God's megaphone” because sometimes we just don't want to listen to the whisper. You know, I've never heard anybody say, “Well, I sure learned that the easy way.” That's just not the way it works for us, at least not for me. When you are the crash test dummy of caregivers, you know, and I've logged ample time at this. So, I've had enough time to make enough mistakes that you start seeing a pattern. Oh, oh, you can only run into a brick wall so many times before eventually, you're going to have to figure out that that wall’s not going to move. For some of us, it takes longer than others. For me, it took quite a bit of time but that's all right.
I want you as a caregiver to grab a hold of these concepts. I see a lot of people try to meet the needs of caregivers in the media and other shows or whatever. But a lot of them are talking about logistics, and then a lot of them talk about platitudes. You know, take care of yourself. Make sure you take care of yourself, and I get that. I get it and I appreciate it, God bless you. But on this show, we're going to drill down into the matters of the heart, because I think that's where the battle is for caregivers. See, if your heart is a train wreck, then guess what? Your wallet will be too. The way you interact with other relationships will be too. Your job will be too. And so if we speak to the heart and strengthen the heart of the family caregivers, then we provide a fighting chance for us to deal with these other issues. So, when I am faced with grim news from a doctor, or behavior, or the myriad of other things that can come at us sideways, where we're just trying to just live peacefully. And all of a sudden something just gets dumped in our lap that is just nuttier than a fruitcake, man. I mean, it's just crazier than a pit cocoon. And we're trying to somehow just get through the day and then all of a sudden here comes something that just, you know.
They say being a caregiver is like coming to a road looking both ways before you cross and then getting hit by a plane. And when those things happen, how do you reorient yourself? How do you recalibrate your brain and your heart? And that's when you go back to Scripture and see what Scripture has to say about those things. And that's the Scripture I started off with today, “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet and all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left. Turn your foot away from evil.” That's Proverbs 4:25 through 27. It seems almost on the surface unsatisfying for us as caregivers to hear things like that because we want answers. We want a sure thing. Tell us how to get out of this mess. And I don't see that it works that way. The way out of the mess is through the mess. And we want to be so delivered but we don't understand that we're being delivered through it of far more than just our caregiving challenges. And that's the heartbreaking thing I think for us as caregivers to realize that there's multiple battles going on. And the biggest battle is not the loved one we're taking care of.
The biggest battle is what's going on in our own hearts and the things that God is zeroing in on and just keep-- It's like He keeps pressing on this one spot until we cry uncle, and we realize, oh, that's what he's after. And that's painful. That's hard, I know. But then you go back and look at the other Scripture we read today. “He heals the brokenhearted, Psalm 147:3, and binds up their wounds.” He's not doing these things haphazardly and he's using the circumstances in our life to reveal something about ourselves so that he can reveal something about Himself to us in that. There's a lot of broken stuff in our life. There’s a lot of broken stuff in my life. And God is using these circumstances around me that I deal with as a caregiver to reveal those things in me so that I run to him. You just have-- It's a different way of thinking about it. But this is what I've learned in 34 years of this. And we watch somebody suffer, and those of you who've watched somebody in pain and watch somebody suffer, you're going to get this really well. But to watch another human being suffer creates a theological argument inside you. And it just bores down all the way to the core of who we are because it seems so unfair.
It seems so un-Christ-like, un-God-is-good-like, and you hear all these people on TV that are talking about this and being delivered of this and you go to have your breakthrough here. And yet you and I are on watching somebody in pain. You and I are watching somebody suffer, day in and day out. And we wrestle with the concept of the goodness of God in the midst of that. I cannot be alone in this. I cannot be the only one that wrestles with that. But it's in that wrestling, that we get a chance to see him in a way that we don't expect. That's the issue. Because at the core of it, I think it’s a crisis of faith. Do we trust God while we watch this? Do we trust God while we see this? You remember, those of you who are old enough to remember it well that 9/11 when the nation was so shocked by this unimaginable horror of attack, and the nation reeled. And for the first three to four days, you could just see the stunned look in everybody's eyes. And then you started hearing the questions on the news and so forth, you know, how could God, why would God? And people were doing this kind of thing, and they were wrestling with it? Did they ever answer the question? A lot of pastors try to go on television and talk about it. But think about it, when we're faced with tragedy, we instantly ask how could God allow such a thing? But when the tragedy fades, we put the questions away. But you as a caregiver, you got to look at it every day. How are you doing with the question? 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. This is Peter Rosenberger, and we'll be right back.
[Music]
Isn’t that a great song? It’s Keith Green. “There are sometimes I doubt but you always find me out.” It's exactly what we're talking about. Keith Green, well you go on after the show's over, go just do some research. If you don't know who he is or who he was, he still is, he's with Christ now, but just an enormous influence on the Christian music world, but I love that song. “There's sometimes I doubt but you always find me out.” He knows you doubt. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope For The Caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. “There's sometimes you doubt, he's gonna find you out,” and he is pursuing you. And sometimes the path that he pursues you leads you through these dark places that seems so unpleasant, so horrifying to us. And yet what he's revealing is going to trump every bit of that. I go back to what I talked about at the beginning of the show, when I was out on the snowmobile and I'm on that trail, and it is a frightening trail. I promise you, but the view is so fabulous. In order to get to where I want to be, I'm going to have to go on that trail. There's no other way up there. And others have gone before me, I can see the path.
I am smart enough to not go up there by myself, number one, and number two, just after it's a brand new snow …because that's how you get stuck. And I just don't feel like digging my snowmobile out on a cliff at this point in my life. But there are others who go up there all the time and they get to see that spectacular view, and we all get to rejoice in it. That's our journey as believers. This is what we're doing. This is what it looks like as caregivers. And the journey right now, some of us it is incredibly frightening. I get it. Weeping endureth for a night, say it with me, but joy comes in the morning. And that's the promise, that's the hope for us as caregivers. That's what I call the show Hope For The Caregivers. That conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier and even more joyful life, this is not the end of the story. Even the grave is not the end of the story. And it’s really important for us to understand that, and if we don't understand stand it, then despair will overtake us. Despair is going to be nipping at our heels, no matter what. And we're going to constantly fight it, but we don't have to be overtaken by it. And we will be if we don't continue to wrap our minds and our hearts with the things of the Gospel.
Now, you can try it your way, you can try it not doing that. You can just shake your fist at God and walk away from all this and see how that works for you. I don't recommend it. This is 34 years now that I've been doing this. My 34th year of caring for a human being who's broken, who suffers and has gone through more trauma and surgery and all kinds of things that I care to recount on this show. Some of you are living in similar circumstances. Is despair overtaking you? If you feel that way today then I'm glad you listened to the show because as one caregiver to another. I just want to tell you these things. These are things that I've learned. These are things that I've seen, these are things that I've experienced, that I've touched, that I've witnessed. This is not my opinion. I don't even care about my opinion. But my experience, on the other hand, now that's a different matter. “They overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.” That's what Scripture says in Revelation. So, it is the redeeming blood of Christ that equips us and then our experience, our testimony, our personal encounter with [??? 40:59] Christ, that's how we overcome. And the implication is there something that needs to be overcome. And for you as a caregiver, there's something that needs to be overcome. And it's not Alzheimer’s, it's not autism, it's not addiction, it's not a mutation. Well, that's a lot of alliteration I just use. It's not the affliction that we need to overcome. He's already overcome all of that. It hasn't been manifested yet in your life, but it is overcome. That's not what needs to be overcome by us. That's not how we endure through this. What needs to be overcome is our own hearts; the rage, the resentment, the fear, the doubt, selfishness. You say, “How can I be selfish? I'm a caregiver, look at all the things that I'm doing.” When we say those things, look at all that I'm doing, we've already indicted ourselves. And you are, please, again, I always have to have this disclaimer, I think John, John's producing the show today. And I have to probably have a recording a disclaimer that the views represent-- The views expressed by this host are things that God is working on in his life every day.
So, we may have to have that disclaimer played because these are not things that I own, these are things that I know. When I go up that trail on the mountain, I didn't make that trail and I don't own that trail, but I know where the trail is. And that's our journey as believers, that's our journey as we walk through these things as caregivers. And we can somehow try to put the battle over here that well if we can just get, you know, mom to stop doing this or if we can just-- if this would just, if this would just. And you really think that's gonna make everything go away or that's going to make you all feel that much better? Nah. That's not where the battle is. I can't fight amputation. I look at my wife's limbs and we're dealing with some prosthetic stuff right now. She still got a sore on her limb because of a prosthesis that we're working back and forth with. For those of you who are not in the amputation, prosthetic world, you won't really get this as much. For those of you in the-- that have limb loss in your family, you will.
But for example, when you have diabetes and you lose a limb, they go above the bad tissue wherever the infection or whatever it is, that’s causing the limb to be dysfunctional. They just go above it and find a healthy tissue and that's where they amputate. And you usually don't have a lot of the fitting issues that you would normally have. I mean that when you do with diabetes and so forth because you're cutting away to good tissue, but otherwise the person has not been damaged in other parts where it would affect the prosthesis. I didn't probably say that as clearly as I would like. But when you come to a situation like Gracie, she was so traumatized, everything was broken. One of the residents, surgery residents told her prosthesis later that they stopped counting at 200 breaks. And when you have that much trauma, then fitting a prosthesis to traumatized limbs, this is where a lot of wounded warriors will get this because those wounds were, they were incurred through trauma, roadside bombs and so forth. And when you have scar tissue and all those kinds of things, it's hard to get these things to fit properly. And it requires a lot of extra work.
And so we're dealing with those kinds of things right now. But I'm not a prosthetist. I don't even play one on TV. I mean, you know, I know enough about it from a layman's point of it. We run a prosthetic limb ministry. You heard Gracie’s story just a few moments ago. And we do this and I know enough to get me in trouble. But I can't fight that battle. I can't do that. I don't have the time and the wherewithal to go to prosthetic school or become an orthopedic surgeon or whatever and do all these things. That is not what I do and what I can do. Those are not my skill sets. I can't fight that. But I can fight being a jerk. I could fight that. I can fight being demanding. I can fight being resentful. I can fight cholesterol. The country ham that a friend of mine sent me for Christmas doesn't help me fight that battle, but I can fight it.
Are you fighting the wrong battle? Your battle is not with your loved one. However poorly they may act, your battle is not with your family or friends. However poorly they may act toward you, that's not your battle. The battle is always within our own hearts. “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows row; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well with my soul.”
Is it well with your soul today as a caregiver? Is it? If not, why not? Is it because your loved one’s acting funky? They may be a catalyst, but that's not the battle. You want to know more? Go out to HopeForTheCaregiver.com. Get the book. Get the CD. Let Gracie and I play and sing for you. Don't do this alone. I’m so glad you joined us today. And get the podcast, we’ll have this out on the website later on. We'll see you next week. HopeForTheCaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
For nearly seven years, John has joined me as delightful addition to the show. We had an exceptionally good time on today's show. In addition, there's a hilarious story of all I received when I tried to commit myself. (Yes ...it's true!).
We through in a special song from Gracie ...and a bunch of other thoughts to help you start your caregiving year!
Presented by:
Misdirected fight
We seem to take on the wrong enemy. We’ll try to fight Alzheimer’s. We’ll try to fight addiction. We’ll try to fight amputation. We’ll try to fight injury or illnesses we’re not prepared, equipped or in any way capable of doing. My wife is a double amputee. I cannot fight amputation. But, I can fight cholesterol. I can fight being a jerk. These are things I can fight.
How about you? What can you fight? What can you successfully wage war against in your life?
Maybe your child suffers from a devastating disease that is just beyond the pale. You can’t fight those things. You may feel guilty for bringing that child into the world, but you can’t fight that. Yet, you can fight bitterness and resentment. You can do that. Scripture says that you can and it gives you the path to be able to do that. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Waging War Against the Wrong Enemy I know people who have committed their entire lives to waging war against their loved one’s affliction. I know these people and I can see the weariness, the bone weariness and the despair, but they keep pushing themselves to inhuman levels; somehow thinking that “If I can get them here, then I can be happy and I can rest and do my thing.”
How is that working for you? How are you doing with that?
“If I could just get daddy to stop drinking …”
“If I can just get my daughter to stop acting or making these terrible decisions…”
“If I can just get my spouse to get to the bathroom instead of making a mess everywhere else…”
“They can remember what channel Law and Order comes on, but they can’t remember to go to the bathroom…”
“If I could just get them to do that, then maybe I could have some peace.”
Scripture says we could have peace no matter what.
Caregivers understand "...sorrows like sea billows rolling." My brother-in-law has a boat and fishes in the Gulf of Mexico. While I’ve never been seasick, I fished with him a few times in some choppy water. One particular time, the waves rolled relentlessly and the boat kept rising and slamming down. It didn’t make me sick, but it just wore me out—and the waves had no plans to stop just because I didn’t like them.
That’s seems like a good picture of our lives as caregivers. It just wears you down. Sorrow comes relentlessly, without mercy, without reprieve — it just keeps coming.
So how do you deal with that?• How do you cope?• How do you find your balance?• How do you find the horizon?• What does that look like?• Where is safety?• Where is that peace of mind that can come?
When awoken in the boat during the storm, Jesus told the disciples “What’s the matter with you guys?” (Loosely paraphrased!)
While He slept in the boat, they thought they’d die. Yet, Jesus spoke “Be still” and the waves and wind calmed down. If you notice, however, Jesus was calm before then—He slept the boat.
How did he do that? Is it just because he was God?
He was very God—yet he was very man. All the theologians I’ve talked to – very sharp people – shared that Jesus shelved his divinity. He lived life fully as man, trusting in God, and free to experience life. That’s why he could marvel at the woman who reached up to touch the hem of his garment (Matthew 9:20), or the Roman centurion who said “Hey, look. You’ve just got to give the word. You don’t have to come up. You can just give the word. I get that.” (Loosely paraphrased, again!) Matthew 8:5-13
Jesus was free to marvel because he shelved His divinity to live life fully as a man. He knew He came to Earth to die, but He also knew he wasn’t going to die on the Sea of Galilee — and he was confident that he could rest.
How confident are you in the plans that God has for you? You know, Martin Luther stated in A Mighty Fortress Is Our God – “The body they may kill, but God’s truth abideth still”.
How confident in you that we as individuals can live with that sense of serenity and purposefulness in our lives, even while dealing with these harsh things as caregivers?
Please do not in any way assume that I own this, While I see the path much clearer, I need reminders to get back on that path just as much as anyone else. Every time I say or hear those reminders, I’m pointed back to safety. Safety is not the absence of conflict or war. Safety is being in the hand of God. Period. Wherever that is.
Safety in the Battle In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”
2 Samuel 11:1-5 “In the springtime, when the kings when out to war, David stayed home. King David stayed home.” He should have been out doing his job, but he got tired of it; so he stayed home and just kind of propped his feet up, looked across the roof and guess what? There was Bathsheba. David was in far more danger and caused far more damage by staying out of the battle.
God’s going to lead us through things that will hurt. It’s going to be unpleasant, but He’s working something out in our lives through it—and we can trust Him. Even in our battles as caregivers. But the battle is not against our loved ones or their afflictions. It's against ourselves ...our fears, despair, guilt, resentments, and even self-indulging.
Yet, we can trust God with all of those things ...with every wearisome and heart-wrenching challenge. We can even trust Him to give us the rest we desire ...even on the battle field.
How do we know?
Because he stretched out His arms and gave His life for us on the cross.
He fought and bested THE enemy Himself.
He won the war the battles we can't fight, and strengthens us for the ones we can.
As 2020 starts, this hymn seemed appropriate to share. I recorded it on my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, but this is a special LIVE duet of my arrangement that I performed at church while the congregation was served communion. I accompanied my friend, Daniel Fisher, on the violin. His playing is extraordinary.
This hymn remains special to uncounted millions. The lyrics speak directly to our hearts to help us face adversity, challenges, sorrow, and loss ...with calmness, peace, and even joy.
On that same note, I recently read this prayer below. Given that caregivers know up front that their year will be filled with challenges, this prayer connected with me ...and I felt it would with fellow caregivers.
May God make your year a happy one!Not by shielding us from all sorrows and pain,But by strengthening us to bear it, as it comes;Not by making our path easy,But by making us sturdy to travel any path;Not by taking hardships from us,But by taking fear from our heart;Not by granting us unbroken sunshine,But by keeping our face bright, even in the shadows;Not by making our life always pleasant,But by showing us when people and their causes need us most,and by making us anxious to be there to help.God's love, peace, hope and joy to us for the year ahead.
Enjoy this bonus content from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's podcast ...and I wish you a HEALTHY New Year ...because "Healthy Caregiver Make Better Caregivers!"
Peter Rosenberger
There's still time ...for you as a caregiver ...to give yourself gifts.
From My Commentary in the Chicago Tribune:
For family caregivers, the normal stresses and challenges experienced by most during the holiday season can be amplified exponentially. Rather than enjoying the season, many caring for chronically impaired loved ones settle for enduring the holidays.
Aside from family get-togethers (that often present accessibility issues or other challenges), there remain the usual medical difficulties, extra shopping, special meals and added pressure of making it special for others.
“It may be our last time …” weighs heavy on the minds of many caregivers. And, while trying to meet a loved one’s expectations, many caregivers end up sacrificing their own peace of mind at the altar of nostalgia.
Sadly, an overwhelming number of caregivers wearily mutter a “thank God it’s over” each Jan. 2.
The magic of Christmas can quickly disappear when you’re being cursed at while changing an adult diaper. Christmas Eve in the ER is no picnic. Neither is dealing with a family member with the chronic impairment of addiction. Wrapping presents for someone who can’t remember your name doesn’t usually inspire a sudden desire to sing carols.
These scenarios and more represent the reality for millions of Americans who put themselves between a vulnerable loved one and a potential disaster.
Is there holiday joy for caregivers?
While requiring some creativity, the short answer is “yes!”
Here are ways caregivers can reintroduce some festive spirit into their weary hearts and bodies
Read the entire commentary in the Chicago Tribune.
https://www.chicagotribune.com/opinion/commentary/ct-opinion-caregivers-family-holidays-christmas-20191217-7h5yae3s2fgr7emiwbiah6einy-story.html
Throughout our lengthy journey of surgeries, chronic pain, amputations, and lots of tears, music has always been the glue for Gracie and me.
We particularly love Christmas music.
This is a recording of one of our favorite Christmas hymns, Silent Night.
Download this at:
See more at www.standingwithhope.com
A while back, I invited my friend, Daniel Fisher (an exceptional violinist), to perform a duet with me at church. During the serving of communion, we played a medley of The Old Rugged Cross and Near the Cross.
Each time I listen to this, I’m stunned by his playing. While playing the piano …I just try to stay out his way. At the end you can faintly hear the communion trays being returned to the table. I felt that even that added value to this performance.
As caregivers, our lives can be filled with such stress and anxiety. The holidays are not exactly an antidote for those things. I put this LIVE recording on my CD, Songs for The Caregiver. The entire project was
meant to be a calming and inspiring one for my fellow caregivers.
Take a listen, and follow along with the lyrics. I think you will agree it’s soothing to your heart. The CD is available to download on ITUNES, AMAZON, etc , or you can Call Logos Bookstore in Nashville (615 297-5388) and they will ship one to you ….or as a Christmas gift.
If you find these podcast meaningful, consider a tax-deductible gift to Standing With Hope. Through our prosthetic limb outreach and the family caregiver ministry, we are reaching "...the wounded and those who care for them."
The Old Rugged CrossOn a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,The emblem of suff’ring and shame,And I love that old cross where the Dearest and BestFor a world of lost sinners was slain.
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,Till my trophies at last I lay down;I will cling to the old rugged cross,And exchange it some day for a crown.
Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,Has a wondrous attraction for me;For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above,To bear it to dark Calvary.
In the old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,A wondrous beauty I see;For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,To pardon and sanctify me.
Near The Cross
(Lyrics by Fanny Crosby - one of my favorite hymn writers)
Jesus, keep me near the cross;There a precious fountain,Free to all, a healing stream,Flows from Calvary's mountain.
Refrain: In the cross, in the cross,Be my glory ever,Till my raptured soul shall findRest beyond the river.
Near the cross, a trembling soul,Love and mercy found me,There the Bright and Morning StarShed its beams around me.
Near the cross! O Lamb of God,Brings its scenes before me;Help me walk from day to day,With its shadows o'er me.
Those who sow in tearsshall reap with shouts of joy!He who goes out weeping,bearing the seed for sowing,shall come home with shouts of joy,bringing his sheaves with him. - Psalm 125:5-6
Are you sowing in tears? What does that even mean to us a caregivers. Take a listen to this episode as we unpack this Scripture and talk about it in the context of serving as a family caregiver.
Autism, Alzheimer's ...Addiction: There's always a caregiver.
Whenever you find someone with a chronic impairment, you always find a caregiver. That's why we do the show.
This episode is from our December 7 show and features, callers and a special song from Gracie. Her recently released CD is titled Resilient.
For a tax deductible contribution to Standing With Hope ( the presenting sponsor of this show) for any amount, we will send you Gracie's CD as our gift to you!.
Almost a decade ago, Grammy winner Zac Brown envisioned creating a life changing camping experience similar to his own ...but one that was inclusive for children (and families) struggling with challenges. His heart also went out to the wounded warrior community and his answer was to create Camp Southern Ground.
"As a former camp counselor and camper, I know how a positive camp experience can transform a child’s life. My dream is that children of all abilities will have an opportunity to grow and learn from each other, while experiencing the magic of the outdoors. It is also important to me that we take care of the families that protect our freedoms and keep this country safe. Camp Southern Ground will be a haven for children of family members serving in the military, as well as be a respite for our active and veteran service members. Through our partnerships we’ll be able to welcome military families to our camps year-round. Thank you for supporting our efforts and for helping us create an amazing place that is much more than the typical camp experience." - Zac Brown
Jake Dukes, VP of Strategic Initiatives, called our show to discuss this extraordinary camp and the programs that are available to families with children on the spectrum. He also detailed their amazing veterans' programs that step into their families to offer a path towards healing and growth. Whether it's a veteran struggling to transition from active service to civilian life ...or those struggling with PTSD, Camp Southern Ground is ready and eager to come along side those veterans and their families and play an important role in their journey following their service.
About Peter Rosenberger and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
A 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey and is committed to strengthening the family caregiver. Through his books, music, and weekly radio show heard on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel and 180 additional stations, Peter demonstrates an unswerving commitment to those who put themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster.
For More Information visit: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Think back through difficult times in your life ...when hot tears filled your eyes. Maybe when your body was wracked with pain or your heart was broken.
Did you feel like singing during those times?
And when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, Acts 16:23-34
Since meeting my wife, Gracie, more than 34 years ago, I am constantly amazed that during the most brutal times of her life, even from a hospital bed following amputations, she sang. Although her voice barely whispered at times, there were other moments when it carried down the hall of countless hospital corridors through her 80+ surgeries.
Each one of those times not only astonished and moved me, but nurses, doctors, techs, and visitors as well. It's not simply that she raised her voice in song, but Gracie's voice is a rich, passionate voice that has captured the heart of audiences since she first performed at age 3.
One of those memorable times, however, came at the bedside of someone else. As my mother lay fighting for her life in hospital bed struggling to breathe with congestive heart failure, Gracie sang to her.
My mother asked for one of her favorite hymns: "Breathe on Me Breath Of God."
The picture with this podcast is of Gracie holding my mother's hand and singing this wonderful from the hymnal. Gracie's rich voice echoed throughout intensive care ...and caused nurses to quietly stand by the room door and listen.
I am grateful to report that my mother is doing well. This hymn remains one of her favorites, and Gracie recorded this for her new CD ... a cappella.
If you are struggling with heartache and/or physical issues today, please allow Gracie to sing to you as she did for my mother.
- Breathe on me, Breath of God,Fill me with life anew,That I may love what Thou dost love,And do what Thou wouldst do.
- Breathe on me, Breath of God,Until my heart is pure,Until with Thee I will one will,To do and to endure.
- Breathe on me, Breath of God,Till I am wholly Thine,Until this earthly part of meGlows with Thy fire divine.
- Breathe on me, Breath of God,So shall I never die,But live with Thee the perfect lifeOf Thine eternity.
Gracie's new CD, Resilient is available today. For more information visit: www.standingwithhope.com/resilient
Caller states he is the patient, caregiver, and addict ...all wrapped into one, and is miserable. But he doesn't want any of the things we point him to on this show. Then, he pivots and wants to tell a joke ...and gets mad at me for not laughing.
Listen to see if you like the joke. Clearly, according to this caller, I just don't have a sense of humor.
"I didn't even know what Cerebral Palsy was until we received the diagnosis for our daughter." - Dr. Richard Rosenberger
For this special edition of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, I invited my brother to call in and share his vast journey as a caregiving father for 30+ years ...and as an educator. Richard is the Superintendent for Anderson County School District #2 in Upstate South Carolina.
In this interview he candidly shares his lengthy journey, mistakes, wisdom, and passion for education.
Hope for the Caregiver is heard Sunday Evenings at 6 PM Eastern on Sirius XM Channel 131 (FAMILY TALK) and Saturday Mornings at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.
My favorite reminder of gratitude is this story of a remarkable woman who learned to thank God in all things ...including FLEAS while in a concentration camp during WW2.
Sponsored by:
Standing With Hope
Cleland Boyd McAffee, a Presbyterian minister, provided the church with one of the most treasured and enduring hymns. Like many great hymns, however, this one also came from great sorrow.
Two of his young niece died of diptheria, but in the family's grief, McAffee penned this great hymn that continue to bring comfort and strength to millions.
One could reasonably state that McAffee's greatest sermon can by found in the countless hymnals around the world.
There is a place of quiet rest,near to the heart of God,a place where sin cannot molest,near to the heart of God.
Refrain:O Jesus, blest Redeemer,sent from the heart of God,hold us, who wait before thee,near to the heart of God.
There is a place of comfort sweet,near to the heart of God,a place where we our Savior meet,near to the heart of God. [Refrain]
When selecting songs for my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, I knew this hymn had to be on the project. I've always loved it, and made it the first song on the album.
It means something to me as a caregiver, and i felt it would encourage, comfort, and strengthen my fellow caregivers.
While I've served as a caregiver for more than 33 years, I've been a pianist for much longer. Sometimes, I don't always have the words to express my feelings, and that's when I find myself at the piano. I can't take away my burden ...or yours, but i can play for both of us.
Enjoy ...
Peter
Sponsored by:
You guys have a laid out a path for everybody else to follow. You have a laid out an example. And now God is using that to instruct His kids all over the country—all over the world—of, “’When you're up against a struggle,’ Don't turn in fear! —Watch what we do when we follow Christ." - Russ Taff.
The New CD From Standing With Hope Founder, Gracie Rosenberger
For virtually her entire life, Gracie Rosenberger’s powerful and soaring voice brought crowds to their feet— in stark contrast to her broken body traumatized by a horrific 1983 car accident that led to 80 surgeries and the amputation of both legs.
Yet, the lengthy years of surgeries, pain, infections, and a host of other issues took their toll. In 2010, Gracie’s already compromised health plummeted deeper, and she faced death several times.
The outlook looked bleak, and her voice appeared silenced.
Gracie, however, fought back. Above all, she trusted God with her difficult challenges. Literally singing from her hospital beds, Gracie pushed herself to rise from near certain death to stand …and walk.
With every step— and every song—Gracie trusts God with her challenges while demonstrating perseverance. Gracie continues to prove that she is…Resilient!
Joining me on the show, Gracie shared her powerful story, and the journey towards making this new CD ...her first in more than a decade. Gospel Music Icon, Russ Taff, called the show as they both shared about their duet on this album (The Joy of the Lord.)
This 14-song CD is an exclusive gift from Standing With Hope for a tax-deductible contribution of any amount.
About Standing With Hope “For the Wounded and Those Who Care for Them” Prosthetic Limb Outreach Following the amputation of her legs, Gracie Rosenberger envisioned a way to assist her fellow amputees with quality prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As a result, she launched Standing With Hope. This led to an unique partnership with the Republic of Ghana in 2005. Standing With Hope regularly sends supplies and teams to train and equip local worker to help them build and maintain limbs for their own people.
Inmate Outreach In addition, inmates at a Tennessee prison volunteer to help disassemble used prosthetic limbs collected by Standing With Hope in order to recycle usable parts. This prison outreach is one of many faith-based initiatives run by Core Civic at their correctional facilities. As a result, those recycled parts are shipped (along with purchased supplies) to build custom-fitted limbs in Ghana. Furthermore, patients come from as far away as Nigeria to receive prosthetic limbs and treatment.
Family Caregiver Outreach Standing With Hope expanded the ministry’s scope in 2011 to include an outreach headed by co-founder, Peter Rosenberger. Drawing upon his lengthy journey as Gracie’s caregiver, Peter launched his radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. As a result of Peter’s efforts and the great need of family caregivers, the show has soared to the #1 broadcast show for family caregivers. Hope for the Caregiver is heard LIVE each week on American Family Radio and Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).
During one of our many visits to Walter Reed Army Medical Center to meet with wounded warriors, we met a bitter young soldier struggling with wounds he received from friendly fire. In a terrible mistake, he suffered injuries from his own country’s military.
As my wife, Gracie, walked over to greet him, he rudely snapped at her. Lying on his back while working out on a physical therapy table, he could only see Gracie from the waist up. This young man had no idea of her seventy plus operations, or the loss of both of her own legs. The physical therapist working with him looked embarrassed, and quickly tried to cover for Gracie by telling the young man that she was welcome there–and had a lot of practical advice worth hearing.
Disbelieving the therapist, he snarled back hatefully. Momentarily stunned, she regained her composure, and, while holding on to a railing, propped her right prosthetic leg near where his head rested on the low workout table.
He not only noticed her state-of-the-art metal leg beside him (encased in a beautiful shoe, I might add), but his eyes turned to watch her balancing on her other artificial leg, as well.
“You’re not the only amputee in here, big guy.” Gracie said, while looking him squarely in the eye.
The soldier in him quietly nodded at her, and he didn’t say anything else.
Ten feet away, I listened to a man who, although he lost both legs, cracked jokes with a contagious sense of humor. His face clouded over, however, when I pointedly asked him how things were back home.
Looking down at his new prosthetic legs, he whispered out, “My marriage is on the rocks, and it doesn’t look good.”
The loss of his legs didn’t keep him from joking, but the wounds of his heart silenced the laughter.
Friendly fire.
I asked another mother in the PT room if her son’s father had been up to the hospital. Looking over at her son’s newly amputated left leg, as well as the halo device holding the pins piercing his right leg, her jaw tightened as she flatly said, “He left years ago, and good riddance.”
Friendly fire.
How many of us deal with deep wounds caused by those closest to us? How many of us have caused damage to the ones we love and swore to protect? Sometimes “friendly fire” wounds are compounded with the shame of the wound itself—we feel our wounds come with dishonor, and our fists clench with a rage that wants to choke the one(s) who hurt us. Other times, we realize with horror how poorly we treated those counting on us, and the guilt and shame fill us with despair.
It’s easy to recall those things that cause hot tears to pour out of our eyes—the things driving us to lash out at the ones who hit us with “friendly fire.” In our pain, we might even strike at people who are simply trying to encourage us.
Gracie propped an artificial limb on a physical therapy table to help a hurting young man gain perspective and, hopefully, see that he can move past this horrific life-altering injury.
Christ is the wounded warrior who presents His own wounds, not only to communicate perspective, but also demonstrate His love for each of us. He didn’t just prop a metal leg on the table; He laid down His life and was Himself wounded—for our sins. His wounds made it possible for ours to be healed. He never clenched His fists, but rather stretched out his hands and received the nails.
When we look at our wounds, even those inflicted by our loved ones …or even self-inflicted, it’s all too easy to despair. But when we lift our eyes to look at HIS wounds, we are strengthened to know that HE redeemed our souls—and is redeeming our wounds.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE
A lot of candidates running for President advocate "Medicare for All" as part of their platform. While Medicare itself is a decent program, I spend a little time discussing the realities of dealing with Medicare ...from a customer service standpoint.
Gracie and I both had to call Medicare for a significant issue. Getting bounced around from department to department, we logged over four hours on the phone one day, and another 90 minutes the next.
It's still not resolved as of this posting (with another 4 hours logged).
Imagine your best day at the DMV. That's what happens when government is the only game in town. You simply have no competition ...no incentive...to provide better service.
At some point in the customer service path, someone has to say, "We can build a better mousetrap!"
When listening to the candidates speaking, it sounds like overhearing a meeting in the teacher's lounge, "Here's what I think we ought to do ..."
It would be helpful for these candidates to share their own personal (and credible) experience in dealing with the healthcare system. Experience is always better than opinion.
Also on this episode, we played a new song from Gracie's upcoming CD titled Resilient. I also shared a few "Gracie-isms" and how Gracie nearly broke Amazon's Alexa ...at the source!!
In addition we shared our "Caregiver Tip of the Day," and of course, we also had my sidekick, The Count of Mighty Disco - John Butler!!!
A jammed pack show, demonstrating why Hope for the Caregiver is the #1 broadcast show for family caregivers!
Yes ...I know it feels like the snowplow driver is listening to Lawrence Welk while we listen to Led Zepplin, but in winter weather, the safest place is often the place where you feel it's going maddeningly slow.
That also applies to our journey as caregivers.
We find that we must move at a pace we can't control...and, just like trying to pass a snowplow, we run the risk of getting hurt if we try to circumvent.
A friend once told me, "Families move at the speed of their slowest members." When serving as a caregiver the "pace car" dictates how fast we're going to go. We're going to get there ...when we get there. Beating on our steering wheel, swearing, and/or spazzing out isn't going to make it better or faster, but it will cause unnecessary tension ...that robs us of living a calmer, healthier, and even safer life.
- Sometimes, the snowplow is a chronic illness that progresses.
- Sometimes, it's a special needs child that moves at his/her pace.
- Sometimes it's someone with a addiction that struggles in their recovery program.
- Sometimes it's grief that takes whatever time it needs to process it out.
In my 30+ years, I've discovered the pace set for me is simply living in the moment ...one day at a time.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
Listen to the callers share their stories, as well. Also, of course, joining the show is himself ...my sidekick, John Butler (The Count of Mighty Disco)
"Don't pass the snowplow is our "Caregiver Tip of the Day" for this show. Hope for the Caregiver is LIVE on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) at 6PM Eastern.
Brought to you by:
One of the hardest challenges for caregivers (and Landmine #4 from 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Avoid Them), we address the loss of identity.
Many caregivers struggle to speak in first person singular when asked about their feelings, heart, and condition. One of the main reasons I do the show, is to help my fellow caregivers learn to rediscover (or possibly find) their own voices.
We also took calls, and dealt with some challenging issues. From drug addiction that traumatized a family to the transgender issue, we tackled topics from today headlines ...that our crippling families.
Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE
Caller shared her discouraged about her daughter who suffered a stroke following an attack, and is now disabled ...but has also turned to alcohol.
It's difficult to watch loved one suffer. Watching them do so while addicted to alcohol and/or alcohol crushes the stoutest of caregiver hearts. This mother and I chatted for a bit on what her role is and isn't ...and what she can do and can't.
Sometimes, as caregivers, we must give firm boundaries ...but turn away to not show the hot tears that fill our eyes.
Yet, there is a path to safety for caregivers of addicts/alcoholics. We talked about it on this call.
Hope for the Caregiver is Brought to You By:
Standing With Hope
Moses, yes ...THAT Moses ...had a smart father-in-law (Jethro) who pulled the prophet aside and gave him sound wisdom that can apply to family caregivers. In my book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them, Landmine #7 is "...thinking that it's all up to you!"
Read what Jethro told Moses.
"Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone." Exodus 18:17-18
This theme, plus calls rounds out our 10/19/2019 show.
Brought to you by Standing With Hope
Bruce Sickler, team manager for American Airlines "It's Cool to Fly" Program called our show to discuss this groundbreaking program with us. For further information, contact bruce.sickler@AA.com directly.
"You're caring for people on life's journey." - Bruce Sickler
From American Airlines:
To many flyers, the airport experience is a routine part of life. Check-in, security, gate areas and jet bridges are features of a second home. Customers buckle in, the plane pushes back and with a nudge of the throttles, two engines begin to roar. The plane taxis down the ramp and onto the active taxiway in preparation for takeoff.
With each of those experiences comes sensory inputs that we might take for granted — sights and sounds like crowds, intercom announcements, lights, screens, safety demonstrations and more. But to a child with autism, and to that child’s family, any of these things can instantly create fear, anxiety or discomfort and become a challenge that, in the moment, feels insurmountable.
For the last five years, American Airlines team members across the country have partnered with local organizations and airport colleagues to make the process less of a mystery, helping these children and their families know what to expect from their air travel experience and bringing greater inclusion, awareness and understanding to those on the autism spectrum. And they’ve had one unified message: It’s Cool to Fly American (ICTFA).
ICTFA is essentially a mock travel experience. Kids and their families concerned about the hustle and bustle of air travel are able to experience nearly every aspect of it without actually taking off. They park, check-in, wait at the gate, board, taxi, return to the gate and retrieve their luggage. The experience lasts about 3 1/2 hours.
Since its inception in 2014, ICTFA has served more than 5,000 participants and 1,500 families.
BOOKS and MUSIC from Peter Rosenberger
This is not a paid endorsement ...just a testimonial from a grateful caregiver. During our recent move from Nashville to Southwest Montana, the moving company we hired came up short and things did not go as well as hoped.
I called All My Sons Moving and Storage in Nashville to help ...and they OVER-delivered! I should have called them first ...but that mistake is on me.
You might be in a position of moving a loved one. I found a company that extended great care to me ...and listen to my recent conversation on the show (10/20/2019) with show producer, John Butler.
As caregivers ...if we're willing...we might find meaningful help in unexpected places. ALL MY SONS did that for me.
While the company is national, here's the Nashville Office we used:
All My Sons Moving & Storage of Nashville,
2709 Locust Street Nashville, 37207 Tel: 615-205-9240 615-650-2787U.S. DOT No.: 825563MC: 388329
In a segment we like to call "Meet the Neighbors," Chaplain Ken Mottram of Bozeman Health Deaconess Hospital, called the show to share insights about hospital chaplains.
Ken shares on the show that so many equate hospital chaplains with death, but they offer so much more. In our lengthy years of hospital visits, Gracie and I have benefited greatly from many hospital chaplains. To that caregiver spending sleepless nights in the recliner by the hospital bed, a chaplain can provide such encouragement, care, and support.
Prayers, a timely verse, and even songs as one chaplain friend of ours sings to patients and caregivers, Chaplains provide a tremendous service to the wounded and those caring for them.
Brought to you by STANDING WITH HOPE.
HFTC October 12 2019
Welcome to HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. We are LIVE and are thrilled to have you with us. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Maybe it's somebody who's aging, maybe it's a special needs child, maybe somebody who has an addiction issue, whatever the impairment there's a caregiver.
How are you holding up?
How are you doing?
That's what this show is all about. And we are glad to have you with us. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show, and you can also follow along on Facebook Live at Hope for the Caregiver. (www.facebook.com/hopeforthecaregiver )
And by the way, if we have technical difficulties with the video, I don't know what's going on. But our caregiver cam has given me fits as of late and I've got top men working on it … but bear with me. But you can always follow along there and then go to HopefortheCaregiver.com, our website. And then we'll put the show out on a podcast a little later …it's a free podcast.
Let me just stop for a second. I want to talk about something that has been weighing kind of heavy on my mind.
Some years ago, I was sitting in the hospital with Gracie, my wife who's now had 80 surgeries that I can count, and multiple amputations and it's just been a very long painful journey for her over these many years since her car wreck back in 1983. And she'd had … I don't know what surgery number this was, 50 or something. Who knows? We'd been there doing this song and dance for a long time. And I was just sitting there beside her, I wasn't doing anything, I was just reading a menu trying to think about ordering dinner for that night for her —seeing what she would like. And me too because the staff there by that time they knew me pretty well —they would bring me a sandwich too, which was always, I thought, was very nice. Anytime somebody brings me a sandwich I'm okay with it.
The room was very quiet—she'd had surgery about two days prior to that and pain management with Gracie’s situation after surgery is always difficult. And I was just sitting there watching, hopefully, she was getting some rest and she was in a pretty good sleep. And then I looked over at her and she was blue! She had stopped breathing.
I leapt up and I got the nurses in there and all these nurses just started parachuting in and rappelling down the walls. I thought I'd knew a lot of the people there by that time …but there were people there I've never seen before.
All of a sudden, this quiet little hospital room—and she didn't have monitors on at the time, which looking back at it was a mistake, not on my part, but it was a mistake —And this quiet little hospital room we were sitting in I'm sitting turned into a beehive of activity and doctors and nurses and so forth were just descending, alarms are blaring—the whole thing. And they didn't ask me to leave, evidently, they knew who I was. And they weren't concerned that I leave and so I stayed, and I watched quietly while they try to resuscitate my wife. And one doc who was—he was still in surgical garb looking like he just came out of the OR …and he was starting to intubate. I guess he was an anesthesiologist and he was starting to intubate her, and I asked him, I said, “Hey, look, she's a singer, use a small tube.” And he looked kind of over his shoulder, but he can't work and he said, don't worry, Peter. I know Gracie. And I didn't know this guy. I had no idea who this man was. And he obviously knew my wife, and so he was very kind about that— and they got her resuscitated and they started to take her off to critical care.
And the room, which had been quiet 15 minutes prior, all of a sudden as everybody left, this entourage of people pushing my wife's hospital bed left, the room kinda was just empty, and I was standing there by myself watching them leave. And I looked as the last one left, and I looked out the door across the hall, standing against the wall out of the way, was my pastor, one of my pastors, I had two pastors. And this one had come up, just happened to come up, and he just looked at me.
When you have an event like that, I don't know if any of you've all been through a situation where you've been with somebody who coded, but it can be a good bit—be very adrenaline driven. And also, there's this kind of deflating moment where you just kind of okay, you know, “what do you do now?” —and I just stood there for a moment as this whole crowd of people left with my wife —taking her to critical care. And this pastor looked at me. Hjust looked at me in the eyes. And I've never seen anybody other than my parents look at me with that level of compassion.
And he didn't say a word. A smaller man than I am, he reached up and he put his hand on my shoulder and he just held my gaze. He just looked at me. And I was so moved by that, I'll never forget the look on his face. He didn't feel the need to explain it, make me feel better or anything else other than just put his hand on my shoulder and just look at me —and he saw me. He didn't rush after Gracie, he saw me. And then we walked down towards critical care.
And I thought, you know, that's really kind of how you do it as pastors, as people who want to minister to caregivers. I think we're often in a situation where we feel this…as believers …we feel this compulsion to wash God's hands and explain why he does these or allows these things in our lives and the lives of others. And I think there's a sign of spiritual maturity when you stop trying to clean up after God, and you recognize that He's working in things that we just cannot possibly understand. And it's okay for us to trust him and we communicate that level of faith and hope and trust and peace in it. My pastor did not fill the air with meaningless words he just simply walked with me to critical care just as our Savior walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death.
That [event with my pastor] helped form the entire foundation of what I do is as an outreach to family caregivers. I cannot take this away from you and I cannot give words to you that are going to somehow make all this feel better and make you just [say], “okay, I'm okay now. I'm good.” What I can do is point you to safety and walk with you through it, through this medium of being on the air, so that you can hear a voice that speaks “fluid caregiver,” and that you can hear somebody that really truly gets what you're going through.
When you have people that want to somehow explain stuff to you, that's troubling to me. I don't have this-- What are you going to say? What are people really going to say? My wife’s had 80 surgeries, both legs amputated, lives with non-stop pain, and this has been going on since Reagan's first term. What’s somebody's going to say?
You know, in scripture, you look at John when Jesus was at that pool when those-- You remember that guy that was laying there on a pallet and he was struggling to get to the pool and he couldn't get there if the angel came up and stirred it and supposedly you could get healed and you know, all that kind of stuff going on. You remember that story?
What did the scripture say about that guy? He said he'd been there a long time. That's all it says. I mean he’d been born this way evidently and 38 years and it said it was a long time. The scripture didn’t somehow try to make this sound better than it was or explain it, and he’d been there a long time. Sometimes that’s all you do …is recognize, “it is what it is.”
888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 is the number if you want to be a part of the show. Have you been doing this a long time? How are you feeling? We're going to talk about this a little bit more. This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg. I'm so glad you're with us. Don't go away. We'll be right back.
Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg, and this is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. And we're glad to have you with us. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. We may be having a little bit of software problem there on the phone line, so bear with us if you can't get through. We'll do the best we can and muddle through it. How about those apples? You can also follow along on Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook and we’re streaming the show, and you can follow along from there.
I want to go back to this topic, though, that I was addressing here of how to engage with the caregiver. What does that look like? And I go back to this pastor that sat there and watched me. You know, like I said, he didn't chase after the hospital gurney with Gracie on it as it was going to critical care after she coded. They had a whole team of people doing that. He just locked eyes with me, he just zeroed in on me, put his hand on my shoulder and didn't feel the need to say a lot of things. There's not a lot of things you can say. You know, and I think that's something that we as believers, it's counter-intuitive because we want to somehow just come in there and get some soap and water and clean up God's hands because he's obviously made a mess. And I just think that's bad theology. And I think that we have, as a culture of Christians, been the recipient of a lot of bad theology for a long time, somehow confusing the American dream with the Christian walk.
What we talk about on the show doesn't sell very well in that kind of culture because there's not a bailout for this. There's only fortitude strengthening, equipping and bearing one another's burdens. And you know this “name it and claim it” nonsense that's out there, and this “prosperity and wealth” and all that kind of stuff, you know, those are fine if that works for you, go ahead. I'm not here to just beat up on people about it but I'm talking to my fellow caregivers. And when you come, particularly you as clergy that are listening and hospital chaplains, military-- I've dealt with all these folks. And I think the ones that really have a handle on it that I've seen consistently as a group are the military chaplains. My dad was a military chaplain. And I've known a lot of them, and I have a very close friend of mine, a military chaplain that I talked with, every couple of days …and they understand that there's a war going on. And that ministering to people is not just simply saying, “hey, let's just you know, we're gonna pray real hard and squint your eyes real tight and this will all go away.” It doesn't work that way. And it's all about strengthening and being with people, that's what it is. And if we're not prepared to do that as believers, then what are we offering? And I go back and again, I looked at this pastor who just looked at me.
And if somebody asks, “Well, how do you minister to caregivers?” Here's how it starts. I'm gonna give you the vocabulary for this.
You look at them, and you quietly say to them, and I mean when I say quietly, I mean quietly. You know, God bless my charismatic and Pentecostal brethren and “sistren,” but you don't go up and start prophesying over these people. You're going to scare them right off the cliff, and they're standing right on a cliff. Be cool, all right? Just be gentle and quiet.
But the thing you want to do is you just look at them and you say, I see you, and I see the magnitude of what you carry, and I hurt with you. Start with that. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. You just see them.
If you've somehow feel like you've got to go in there as a minister, …and we get a lot of ministers that call the show, and I'll take the time with them, but I'm hoping to instruct them a little bit because they don't cover this in seminary. I've talked to too many pastors, they don't have any clue about how to deal with this in seminary. They deal with episodic crisis, but not the long term where it just stretches on for decades, people don't know quite what to say, or do or function. And so what we're trying to do on this show is give a different vocabulary of what it looks like to speak into the suffering. And what you're going to find is if you can speak into the long-term suffering with wisdom and clarity and understanding and compassion, and good theology— then you're going to speak into the short-term stuff as well.
See, when we're confronted with suffering, I've got this theory. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, you're going to cry out and you're going to react. Now, if you're alone, you may swear. If you're in front of other people, you may swear under your breath. If you're in front of a lot of other people, you may quote a scripture. That's funny by the way …
Regardless, you're going to react.
But as the pain subsides, the reaction stops. I mean, all of you, try to remember what it's like to stub your toe or hit your thumb or something, or you know, when you're walking barefoot to the house, and you hit it on a piece of furniture, — oh, I hate that.
So, you get that [pain] but you're not still reacting. You can recall that it was uncomfortable, but you can't recall the sensation of pain. Try it. You can't. So, therefore, you're not continually reacting, and you'd be kind of nuts if you were because the pain is not there. It's gone. It subsided, time healed it. Time lessened it. Time minimized it with that particular episode. Eventually, the ink on the divorce paper dries. Eventually there's grass, over the grave. Time has a way of lessening that pain to the point where you're not reacting like it happened just at that moment You may carry the residual echo of it, and the grief of it and so forth and the consequences of it—but the actual shock of the moment it's gone. And speaking of shock, that's when it gets to be so much our bodies will go into shock to deal with that.
Now, let me juxtapose that with chronic pain, chronic suffering, chronic heartache — that doesn't go away, the reaction never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, and you've got to deal with that reality in a different way.
Now, when you're faced with trauma, go back, and some of you think about some of the trauma you've had in your life for the last, whatever, month, two weeks, a year. When you're faced with trauma, the reaction we have on an emotional level, is sometimes crying out:
“Why God?”
“How God?”
“What are you doing God?”
“What's up with that God?”
And these are questions that actually go to the core of who we are as people of faith. And it questions the very essence of our faith when these moments happen. But as time moves on, the pain of that, the shock of that lessens.
I remember as a collective nation when 9/11 hit, everybody-- We were seeing congress out there on the steps of the capital, they were singing “God Bless America.” They were just in shock and they were reaching out to God—they're struggling with God.
Well, look how much we’ve forgotten. I mean, we’re not only failing to reaching out to God as a collective nation, we've got people running for president that are just downright hostile to the people of God. It didn't last long, did it?
We put those [“WHY”] questions away after the shock is faded because we're moving on. But when the shot doesn't fade, we got to deal with those questions.
When the shock comes back from another episode, we're going to haul those questions back out, and we're going to struggle with that. We're going to somehow try to make sense of God's plan.
But we never really do. Because sometimes the things of God that are moving on this earth don't make sense and won't make sense. And in God's economy, it makes sense to God that Gracie doesn't have any legs. It makes sense to God that Gracie lives with pain all the time. It doesn’t make sense to me and I've asked all the questions. And people come up and they give me a platitude to say well, “God obviously has a purpose, or she wouldn't be here.”
Well, thank you, Captain Obvious! How useless is that piece of information to me!?
Or they'll come up and say, you know, “Well look at the testimony you guys have or the ministry you have.”
Really? You think I'm that noble? You think Grace is that noble? Yeah, we have a ministry to her fellow amputees in Africa that wouldn't have happened from all this stuff. But we're not that noble. She would rather have a pain free, able-bodied existence.
Those [platitudes] are not helpful. That's us just trying to fill up air with words that make sense to us. That's not what this is about. What we have to do as believers is learn to be able to speak the clarity of the Gospel in this, and sometimes, that doesn't involve words.
Sometimes it’s just like this pastor who put his hand on my shoulder, looked at me and didn't say a word. But I knew that I was being cared for. I knew that I was being comforted. I knew I was being shepherded.
He [God] never said he's going to take this stuff away from us. He never said that we're not going to have these things. He said, He'll be with us. And that pastor friend of mine, his name is Larry. He was simply with me.
This is why I do the show. I want you to have the same care that I got. Larry can't be all over the country, so I'm trying to take what he gave me …which he got from God, and just give it to you in the best way that I can —to let you know that you are not alone. And you do not have to endure this alone. And I'm not going to try to explain it, but I'm going to speak to you. This is what we do as believers. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and we'll be right back.
[singing]
That is Gracie and Joni Eareckson Tada singing Because He Lives. Isn’t that great? I just-- boy, she can really sing and she's got a CD coming out here very very shortly we're working on feverishly finishing this up. you can get a preview a lot of those things at our website at HopefortheCaregiver.com. Just click on the music tab and you can get some of these things, some of the singles from there digitally right now, and you can get that duet. There's another one she did with Russ Taff that you’ll love, and just all kinds of stuff out there at HopefortheCaregiver.com, and the name of the book is Hope for the Caregiver. My newest book is Seven Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. And we talked about that a lot here because there's so many these little landmines out here that we hit as caregivers. I've hit every one of them, that's why I look the way I look. And don't let this happen to somebody you love. I mean, I am the crash test dummy of caregivers. If you can fail at it, I failed it, but you don't have to. All right? You don't have to. And this is why I do the show because I've had ample time to make so many mistakes on this thing, and that I've learned, the hard way, where some of these pitfalls are for us as caregivers—and for those who want to minister to caregivers.
And what I'm hoping I can do is I can give vocabulary to my fellow caregivers on what help looks like and inspire them to ask for that help and receive that help. And then I also want to give vocabulary to people who want to minister to caregivers, particularly clergy, so that they don't come up and just give platitudes or try to somehow explain this thing away. That we are somehow able to better equip each other to endure with this.
You know, if you go back and look at scripture, there’re so many phrases about endurance, perseverance, steadfastness, “stay strong”, “don't be afraid.” All those kinds of things in there, “It's going somewhere.” “This is going somewhere.”
God is taking us somewhere on this.
The question is, do we trust him? Do we trust him when our wife goes into respiratory risk? Do we trust him when we watch a family with special needs, I was at the prosthetist yesterday with my wife getting her legs worked on, and a lady showed up with her child that had orthotics’ need. A lot of prosthetists, you know, you have prosthetics and orthotics in the same place. Now for those of you who don't know what all this is that live in McDuncan, for example, Prosthetics are devices to help you to replace something that was taken from you. For example, a prosthetic limb, a prosthetic nose, a prosthetic breast, whatever you've lost …there are prostheses that are made for this. Orthotics are things to help you better stabilize what you have, for example, a back brace, a neck brace or children born with misshapen feet, club feet, that kind of stuff. Those are orthotics.
And there was a very, very, very severely disabled child that this woman was bringing in and she was with this-- and she had lost several-- She keeps adopting special needs children and cares for them. She has this massive van that she brings them in and just loves upon these kids. And you know, there's… what are you going to say? What are you going to say?
This individual who keeps pouring her life into these kids and precious children who are dealing with her horrific afflictions. And when you see things like this, it automatically pricks something in your heart to start asking questions of the Almighty. I've said this for years that when Gracie walks into a room, she creates a theological conversation —and she hasn’t even said anything! Because here's this beautiful woman with this just amazing attitude, and everything else that she has —and she's severely disabled. She's using two canes. She's got two prosthetic legs, the canes are for her back, not for her legs, the legs are fine. The prostheses are fine. It's just that her back is so trashed from all the surgeries and all the injuries and so forth.
And yet, she gets up and sings at church and does all the things she does. She put out a record, she goes to Africa, and helps her fellow amputees, and it creates some kind of theological issue.
There's “Okay, why would God allow such a thing?” “Why would God allow such a thing?” Gracie hadn’t even said a word and people start asking that question in their hearts and in their minds, and then they want to try to somehow answer it and figure that out.
And what I'm hoping that you'll get out of this particular show is that you don't have to figure this thing out. You don't have to explain why God does this. And even if you knew why God does this, is it going to make all of us slap our foreheads and say, “wow, makes me feel better?” All right?
We do not have to know why. The only solace for us, the only comfort, the only strength, the only reality for us is to know “Who.”
And as long as you keep spending a lot of time trying to figure it out for yourself and figure it out for others, you're going to end up frustrating yourself and causing damage for others. That is something that really needs to stop. As caregivers, we can't withstand that kind of onslaught from believers who want to come and constantly try to figure this thing out for us. We just can't do it— it's mind-numbingly frustrating for us.
And so a lot of people just stop going to church and stop dealing with it because they don't feel like having people work out their salvation on them. I've had people do that to me. It makes me fighting mad. I mean, to the point of just spitting mad. “If you had enough faith,” or this or this or whatever, all that just makes me mad. But I have to just keep those people arm's length because they're just hot messes as far as I'm concerned. I don't have time for their craziness. And they're not going to be in there trying to somehow take care of Gracie. They just want to parachute in and somehow say, “Well okay. Here's what we think.”
And I'm like, “Why do I care what you think?”
You’re tracking with me on this? We don't have to wash God's hands. We don't have to clean up behind him. And so many Christians are just convinced that they do. They just have to explain it so it makes sense to people. It is what it is. And as long as we are somehow trying to make sense of things that we are not equipped to be able to make sense of, we're going to live in frustration. But when we accept what is —and understand our role in this, that's where we can live in a calmer, more peaceful, and even more joyful place. And that's our journey as believers. This is our biblical task.
And again, we've just been the recipient of so much bad theology. I mean, just so much. And I hate that for me, I hate that for you as a caregiver, but I am trying to do something about it. And let you know that the gospel …the good news of the gospel… is not that “this is all going to be taken away from us today and we're going to feel happy, happy, happy all the time, time, time.”
The good news of the gospel is there's a victory that's already been won, and we trust him as we walk through this stuff! That's the gospel! The victory is already done and it had nothing to do with you and me. The only thing we can bring to salvation, I think Chesterton said this, the only thing we can bring to salvation is our sin. That's all we got to offer. Bill Gaither said, “Something beautiful, something good, all my confusion, he understood. All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but he made something beautiful in my life.”
Do you believe that? Is that important to you? Is that in any way reassuring to you? Are you engaged in that particular mindset where you're realizing that wait a minute, this isn't about me in this sense, this is about God and what he's doing? Do I trust him in this? And if I do trust him, why? Why am I trusting him? How do I know that I can trust him?
See, that's a better question.
How do you know that you can trust this Savior while you're watching a loved one deteriorate, while you're watching someone suffer, while you're watching an addict or an alcoholic in your life spiraling around the drain, while you're watching your wife code with respiratory arrest like I did that day …that I mentioned earlier, while you're watching a train wreck of a life, or this woman yesterday that I saw that was taking care of this special needs child that was in just bad shape? How do you know that you can trust him with these things?
And that's where the cross comes in. That's where the scars that He carries mean more than the scars that you carry. See, my wife has a lot of scars. She's got a lot of scars. She was very, very banged up in this wreck. One of the residents later told her prosthetist she had 200 breaks-- they stopped counting at 200 breaks, a lot of scars, but those scars are not permanent.
One day she’s not going to have scars. But His scars, now those are permanent, and one day we're gonna see those scars. And his scars that are eternal …means something for eternity. That's the Gospel. That's how we know we can trust him in this. How does that sound?
This is Hope for the Caregiver, we'll be right back.
Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time, my questions changed and I discovered the courage to trust God. That understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana in West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please, visit StandingWithHope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's StandingWithHope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.
Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger, and this is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver, for those of you who are putting yourself between a vulnerable loved one and worst disaster. And it could be a special needs child, it could be somebody with trauma, traumatic brain injury, somebody with addiction issues, alcoholism, all kinds of stuff that are out there. Whatever the impairment and they are usually chronic impairments, there's a caregiver. There's somebody orbiting that individual, mental illness, whatever. It doesn't matter the impairment, there's always a caregiver. And sometimes the caregivers have thrown their hands up or they're exasperated, they're swearing under their breath or they're dealing with depression themselves. They're dealing with all kinds of resentment or whatever. And that's one of the things that I do on the show when I asked every caller, “How are you feeling?” Because I want to get to how you're doing. I don't want to know how your loved ones doing. Okay, that's not cold. That's not mean. That's just not the purpose of this show.
The purpose of this show is to talk to you, and I’m really passionate about helping caregivers learn to speak in their own voice. Too many of us don't. I can't tell you how many calls I've had on this show where I asked them how they're doing and they start rattling off their loved one’s chart. We can all rattle off our loved ones’ chart, man, we do that.! You know, we're experts at that. How about rattling off your chart, how about talking about how you're doing?
I have found and it is my experience and I've been doing this for a long time, that when caregivers start speaking in first person singular about how they feel, that's when the tears come. That's when the stammering comes, that's when the heartache spills out of them. They can get real clinical about a loved one. But when it comes to talking about how they feel, and what's going on with them, that's where it gets a little bit ugly and bloody. And that's okay. That's why I do the show. We've got lots of mops and Lysol wipes. God has an entire broom closet, just for us for our messy hearts. Because if we're not being real with it, all we're doing is living in some kind of level of denial, and we're pushing ourselves to the breaking point to not being able to function in a healthy manner. It is what it is. He knows it, you know it. Now let's talk about it. Let's get it out there. Let's deal with it. And let's not try to somehow put it in nice tidy packages.
We don't have to wrap this stuff up. We just don't, we don't have to make it more presentable to other people, and I don't have to make other people more comfortable with my situation. I'm not there to ease their burden. I don't necessarily have to inflict it on them, but if they're going to come up close to me, they need to understand it's going to cost them something. If people want to be in a relationship with Gracie, it's going to cost them something because it is painful to walk with her through these things. And those of you who know her that are listening, and I've got a lot of folks on Facebook and so forth that are watching, listening, they'll know it is painful to get up close to Gracie. A lot of people like to admire her from the stage when she's performing and all that kind of stuff, but it's a whole different matter when you're helping her take her legs off and she's in a wheelchair, and she's struggling and she's hurting and she can't even hardly see straight, she's in so much pain after the event. If you're going to be in a relationship with me, you need to understand that my life is intense. Now, I'm not going to inflict it on you but don't come up next to me and just parachute in and think you can just drop these little pearls that somehow you figured out. This is what I'm trying to help people understand when it comes to caregivers, and too many people that fill our pulpits, this is what they do to those of us who caregive. They found a verse somewhere in Zephaniah or something, and they think, oh, wow, man, I got it. And I'm going to go there and just deposit this on this suffering individual and I’ll feel better about my ministry. And we're over there thinking, “Really?” “Thank you very much[sarcastically]!”
If you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared to weep. If you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared to groan. And if you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared that it's going to cost you something spiritually. You're going to have to wrestle with God and your theology is going to change. I'm convinced, I am convinced of this, that if you want to have any kind of effective Kingdom ministry in this world, you're either going to suffer or you're going to have to touch a lot of people who do. If you are not personally dealing with this, then you're going to have to be willing and actually touch people that do. And the more you insulate yourself from suffering, the less effective your Kingdom ministry will be on this earth. I'm convinced to that. If you disagree with it, that’s all right, you could be wrong too.
I remember a great quote I heard from Franklin Graham when talking about Samaritan's Purse. He said this is not the kind of ministry that you can run from behind the desk. You have to get out and smell it. And suffering and poverty and anguish has its own smell. If you don't believe me, you haven't touched it. It costs you something to minister to people, and that's why we should not go into this lightly. Paul says this, don't do this lightly. And so for you, clergy, you military chaplains, you hospital chaplains, you lay leaders, you people who want to do this, be prepared to not try to figure this thing out. Just walk with them. Just stand with them. Just sit with them. Just let them know that you see them.
I remember one of the greatest gifts that I've gotten as a caregiver. Gracie was in the hospital yet again. I mean, when you've had many surgeries as she has …we spent a long time at the hospital. Kids were with grandparents, and I came home to get some clean laundry for her. Gowns and so forth. And I was heading back up to the hospital, and some friends called me and said, “Stop by the house. It's on the way, you stop by here we got something for you.”
So, I swung by their home and I walked in and they pointed me to their kitchen table, I can still see it. And there was a hot bowl of vegetable beef soup, one of my favorites, and a big ol’ piece of cornbread and a glass of tea. And they said, “Your kids are safe, Gracie’s safe, you sit down here, you have the soup and cornbread we're going to stand over you, and you're going to be safe.”
That's how you minister to a caregiver. It’s not exotic, it’s not some kind of “send me on a big cruise or anything.” Sometimes it's just a bowl of soup, and a quiet kitchen table to gather my thoughts …and to know that I'm safe.
Do you feel safe today as a caregiver? Do you feel safe going to church? Do you pastors, do you create an environment where people can come in with trauma and feel safe in your church? If not, why not? What are you doing? Can somebody bring their special needs child into your church that makes all kinds of bodily noises and whatever or looks grotesque on any given day, and do they feel safe to do it? If not, explain yourself. Explain your ministry. Don't just go with your opinion …go on and verify it.
Luke 14, “go out to the highways and the byways and get them in, bring in the blind, the lame, the afflicted.” (Luke 14:21-23) See how well they do. See how well your people receive them. Because if your church is not receiving these kinds of people, then what are you preaching? What are you teaching? People say well, “I feel uncomfortable.” I don't care. Imagine how they feel.
If you feel uncomfortable around their suffering, what does that say about your theology? What does that say about you? I mean, in all fairness, it is uncomfortable to be around it, but that's what we're called to do. And so as we feel uncomfortable about it, that's how we trust him more in it. Honestly, this ain't brain surgery. Do you believe what you preach or not or what are you preaching? Do you believe what scripture says or not? People are suffering. People are bleeding, people are dying, people are hurting. And we as the church, have the hope of the Gospel, and what are we doing with it? Look at our country. It's a train wreck. Where's the church? What are we saying? What are we doing? This is what Hope for the Caregiver looks like … is that we can speak with clarity the gospel into this, that people can live a calmer, healthier and more joyful life even while suffering. Scripture is full of this of saying that very thing. Paul and Silas beaten in prison and they were singing hymns to God. How about you? HopefortheCaregiver.com. If you like what you're hearing on this show, help us do it more go out to HopefortheCaregiver.com today, right now go and take a look at it. We'll see you next week.
Brought to you by Standing With Hope
October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and my long time friends Greg and Aaron Tornquist called the show on Sirius XM Family Talk 131 to discuss their journey. Aaron (41) has down syndrome, is a serious bowler, works, and is an Elvis Tribute Artist.
His father, Greg, has a lengthy music/performance history and his new project, Mississippi The Musical. (it just won "Best of the Fest" in the New York Musical Festival.
https://www.mississippithemusical.com/
Greg beautifully models a creative life as a caregiver and shares about his journey as a single dad with Aaron.
Also in the show, another Nashville writer , Lisa Dale Daniels, calls in to share her journey in caring for her famous songwriter mother ...and learning to carve out her own identity as a writer.
Writers Write ...Even While Caregiving. Especially while caregiving.
The show is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
Caller to the show shared her journey with her husband who was born with a congenital heart condition.
Often referred to as a "backwards heart" Chrissy discusses her journey of acceptance to what is hers ...and not hers ...to carry.
I shared with Chrissy, about a friend of ours with the same condition ...and that I've come to see that her husband's condition is a metaphor for what we all deal with as sinners, but the Gospel remakes our hearts.
Her husband's condition weighs heavy on her, but as she trusts God with her husband's heart, she's also learning to trust God with her own heart.
"Transposition of the great arteries is a serious but rare heart defect present at birth (congenital), in which the two main arteries leaving the heart are reversed (transposed). The condition is also called dextro-transposition of the great arteries. A rarer type of this condition is called levo-transposition of the great arteries." - Mayo Clinic
The show is LIVE, and the calls just come. Without scripts, we speak to caregivers ...and those around them ...who struggle. YOUR support helps us equip them to continue, "Standing With Hope." With Gratitude,
Peter and Gracie Rosenberger
Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE
Broadcasting on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel, this is HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER with Peter Rosenberger.
This episode drills down on the need of caregivers to seek medical attention for themselves. 72% of family caregivers fail to see their own doctors. How is THAT helpful?
Caregivers not seeking medical attention for themselves is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines from my book.
In addition, we had John Butler, "The Count of Mighty Disco" and also went to the phones to take calls.
Join us LIVE each Sunday evening at 6 PM Eastern for this live show.
Do you find this show meaningful?
Let us know by helping support it through STANDING WITH HOPE
"It's a very short step from 'I don't want to live like that' to 'No one should live like that.' We need more protection for people." - Nancy Valko (www.nancyvalko.com)
Palliative and Hospice care continue to confuse so many caregivers. While some programs offer amazing and beneficial services to families, others seem to be detrimental.
Involving the Govt. seems to give a stamp of approval of something ...but is it what it says it is?How can we know?
Nancy Valko called HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) to discuss this.
Transcript of the Show:
[Music]
Peter: Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver, here on the family talk channel Sirius XM 131. I am Peter Rosenberger.
This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver.
- For those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Somebody who is back and forth to the hospital.
- Back and forth the doctor's office.
- Stayed up late at night doing the laundry.
- Working with special needs children.
- Taking care of an aging parent.
- Has an addict or alcoholic in their life.
- Traumatic brain injury.
There’re all kinds of different impairments, and wherever there's a chronic impairment, guess what? There's caregiver.
How do you help the caregiver? What does it look like to help the caregiver? Why should you help the caregiver? There are 39,480 hours of programming every week on Sirius XM, but this is the one hour that is dedicated to the family caregivers. I'm really glad you're here with us. I'm really glad that Family Talk is doing this show, because there are 65 million people out there right now serving as a family caregiver. Actually, I think that's a low number. 65 million people who are doing this, and they're doing it without pay. You’ve heard a lot about the deficit we have with China every year. Well, guess what? That's $500 billion. That's how much unpaid labor that caregivers are providing every single year. Think about that. They're doing it all the time. I mean, nobody's making them do it, they get up and do it for someone. Sometimes we do it begrudgingly, sometimes we do it swearing under our breath, sometimes we do it with tears flowing down our face, but we still do it.
How are you feeling? If this is where you are, you’ve got an aging parent, or you got a child with special needs or you've got a family member or loved one that you are watching suffer and struggle, and all these kinds of things, and you're standing between them and a cliff. How are you holding up? That's what the show is for.
If you want to be a part of the show, 877-655-6755, 877-655-6755. We are live, and we're thrilled to have you along with us. Speaking along with us, here's the long guy, he's the tall man. He's the man who's never seen a sunset, he's so tall. He is the baron of the board, the Sultan of the sound, the earl of engineering, the man who put the word care on the carry-on luggage. He is John Butler, the Count of Mighty Disco!
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John: Hey Peter, how you doing today?
Peter: I'm just precious. It is a spectacular day. We got a very, very intense show lined up John.
John: Do we now? Does it involve carry-on luggage? Because I'm not checking these bags. Man, I’m not paying for that.
Peter: Not checking these bags.
Peter: Well, I've got a very special guest on, and I'm going to give her as much time as she wants to take. I don't do this often, but I was requested to do this specifically by my wife. It's my show, so I'm going to do what Gracie wants me to do.
John: Because you're a wise and good individual.
Peter: This is a very important topic that I have struggled with, and I am not alone in this as a caregiver, and we hear a lot of stuff coming at us, and we don't know where solid ground is sometimes. We're going to talk about palliative care, hospice care, the new bill that's up in front of the Senate, when's it right to die; all those kinds of things that are being thrown at us as caregivers as we go into this world, and it's hard to know kind of where solid footing is. So, I've got a very, very, very special guest on, who has a lengthy amount of experience on this. I'm just going to introduce her right now.
Her name is Nancy Valko. Nancy has been working as a critical care, hospice home health, oncology, dialysis and other specialties as a nurse for 45 years. She is now working as a Legal Nurse Consultant. She also cared for her mother that Alzheimer's who passed away with terminal cancer, as well as her daughter, who also passed away - she had Down syndrome. Nancy's got some real understanding of the caregiving world, both professionally and personally, and so I wanted to spend a lot of time with her today and let's talk about these things that are going on, particularly this new bill that's in front of the Senate. Nancy, how are you feeling? You with me?
Nancy: I’m just fine. Yes, I’m right here.
Peter: Thank you for being here. Let's jump right into this. Can you give me a glossary of some of these terms that we're throwing about here; hospice, and palliative and all this stuff, just kind of run us through it. Because some people have been in this world for a while, some people are just now getting into this world, and we don't necessarily know these things. So, I think these are all important things for us to know as caregivers. I would imagine you would agree with that?
Nancy: Absolutely, and it wasn't until like I said, I'm not a volunteer in all of this. I'm a drafty. I graduated from nursing school 50 years ago, the next month, we're celebrating our 50th year, and I've seen things change. I grew up in the golden age of nursing as I call it. In medicine, we Marcus Welby, M.D. For those of you who are older like I am, you might remember that Medical Center and there were all these wonderful doctors, and I wanted to be a nurse so badly, and I did achieve my dream. I was on my favorite job, what is now a level one trauma, working with the hardest of the hardest, and we took care of people. Our ethics were very simple; we did not harm a patient, we would do nothing to hasten dying, everything was understood. It was not a big deal.
I saw things start to change. What really got me was when I had my daughter, Karen, in 1982. Now, that was the year that we had the Baby Doe case. That was a little boy born with Down syndrome, who had a small hole between his food pipe and his windpipe. Then not an uncommon birth defect and routinely taken care of and the baby can eat and drink. However, in this case, the parents refused the surgery. They said their obstetrician told them that Down’s kids were just nothing more than blobs.
The pediatricians were very upset, and they went to a judge and like would normally happen, expected the judge to say, “Yes, he must have the surgery.” But this was a watershed case, and got national attention. The judge ruled for the parents saying that they had a right to make any decision of treatment or non-treatment they wanted to. The case was being taken up the line, appeal to different courts and lawyers were actually flying to the US Supreme Court and emergency when the little boy died. He died of starvation and dehydration at a week old.
We had heard about that. My husband was a doctor, and of course, I was a nurse. We had to Children, and I was expecting a third. We heard about it. We were just outraged. We said, “Well, we'll adopt the baby.” The parents refused all offers of adoption. They didn't want their other children to know there was a brother out there. I was so upset by him. We said, “What happened to ethics?”
I had been out for a while working with my children and volunteering at church and other places, and I was so upset about it. Someone said, “Well, what would you do?” And I said, “Well, of course, I'd operate.” She said, “You don't know, and you can't say until you've been there.” Well, a couple months--
Peter: Yeah, and now you’ve been there.
Nancy: Yep, a couple months after Baby Doe, I had my daughter Karen, and she had Down syndrome. What I was told at first was an inoperable heart defect, which was a shock. They said, “We'll take her home. We think she'll die in two weeks to two months, but you can come back for an appointment in three weeks.” I went home. This is the days before the internet. I got hold of the Down syndrome Association, I did research, I did all sorts of stuff, and by the time I went back to the doctor, he said, “Well, she looks pretty good.” I said, “Well, I've been researching this.” He did some tests, and he says, “Hey, she's got an 80 to 90% chance with one open heart surgery. It's not as bad as we thought.” But then he said, “But I'll do whatever you want.” I said, “Excuse me.” And I hope you decide not to do surgery. I let loose. I said, “This is discrimination against my daughter. She has to be treated as any other child would with the same heart condition. Her Down syndrome is irrelevant. If you can't do it, you can't be her doctor.” And he did say, “Oh, no, I'll do everything for her.”
That's when I thought, “Oh my gosh,” When my daughter was admitted for different tests, I question every doctor and nurse that came in, and I found some really bad attitudes. One doctor, since my husband was a doctor, he said, “People like you shouldn't be saddled with a child like this.” They said, “Then who should?” One nurse was so bad. I slept under my baby's crib, because I just didn't trust her. My trust was gone.
When she was four months old, she had to be admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. That's when I found out what choice really means. I was tipped off by somebody at the hospital that I worked at. He told me that my daughter was made a Do Not Resuscitate against my express wishes, and didn't tell me. I was stunned. I said, “Why?” They said, “Because she says you are quote too emotionally involved with that retarded baby.” That's when I knew that choice could so easily turn into no choice.
Unfortunately, we did lose her despite all care when she was five and a half months old, but the head of Cardiology at the Children's Hospital started Down syndrome clinic. I got very involved with the Down syndrome Association, worked with the Reagan Administration on Baby Doe Reg talks all over trying to get help for these children. We wanted something up there that these children have a right to be treated; any child with a disability.
I started researching; how in the world do we get to this point? I said--
Peter: Let me cut in real quick. For those who just joined, we're talking with Nancy Valko. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We're talking about some ethics issues that are facing us right now as a society, and it particularly affects us as caregivers. Let's fast forward from the Baby Doe to Governor of Virginia. We're still dealing with the same subject matter here that's going on behind the scenes. This is what Nancy's addressing. By the way, if you want to weigh in on this, the number is 877-655-6755. 877-655-6755. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Nancy, I'm sorry to interrupt on that, but every so often, I just want to let people know kind of what's going on, because we have people joining in and out that kind of thing.
Nancy: Okay, thank you. That’s fine, because I started seeing things, and my husband unfortunately, became very ill and I was supporting the family. I went back to nursing in the 80s. I was surprised to find out it was more business oriented than anything else, and it was quite different. I also saw how the ethics are changing. One thing I learned, that the year I graduated from nursing school was the year a lawyer called Lewis Kutner up in Chicago, published an article called Due Process of Euthanasia; The Living Will a Proposal. I went, “Oh my goodness.” I started looking into it, and what am I state of Missouri, they were talking about having a living will.
I talked to the people who are going to be pushing it. I said, “This is a problem, and they're actually taking feeding tubes out of brain injured people in the East. Paul, Brophy and Claire Comrie,” and they said, “Oh well, but this is only for people who actually dying.” I said, “It doesn't say that.” That's one thing I've learned and why actually got into--
Peter: Nancy, let me cut it there. One of the things I've always thought about that particular phrase, we're all dying. None of us is getting out of this thing alive here, and the mortality rate still at 100%. I've always struggled with that, “Well, they've only got six months.” And so why six months? Why is it not “seven months and three days” that kind of thing? Why do they always round it off to numbers that make sense to people, as opposed to factual data? That's always surprised me. “This is only for people who are dying.” Well, show me somebody who isn't.
Nancy: Six months is an educated guess. When I worked in hospice, we would discharge about 15% of our patients, because they live longer. Then we had palliative care, which at the time, and I was doing home health and hospice, we could then keep the patients longer and take care of them, which was great. Because they still needed home health. I thought this was--
Peter: I'm sorry, I keep jumping in on you, Nancy. I like to explain some things, because I don't want to assume that everybody's tracking with us. Palliative care, what is that before we go any further, what is that?
Nancy: That's what we thought. When I worked in oncology, and worked in hospice, there were palliative treatments, and particularly in oncology. That might be the easiest way to explain it. It's supposedly to help distressing symptoms, to relieve terrible symptoms, give help to the person and all, but in those days, we didn't have palliative care physicians per se. Instead of someone had a lot of pain, we call it a pain specialist. If they had trouble breathing, or they had a psychological problem, we would call on the experts for that. The palliative care thing really didn't start until later, which is why this has been a problem. Because with the living will that started and the six months, which is an educated guess anyway, became, well, just terminally ill.
Now in Oregon, which just passed the first assisted suicide bill, they've always said, “We have stringent protections, including, there has to be a 15-day waiting period and all that.” They've gotten rid of that already. That's what's happened with all of it. It went from the living will to taking food and water from people with brain injuries. We saw this here in Missouri. Even though the right to die people, which is what the euthanasia Society of America eventually became, they said, with the living will, “Oh no, we're not talking about taking away food and water.” And once it passed, they introduced another bill and said, “Don't use the first one, and it would allow the family members even to make that decision.”
Peter: Let me go back to Oregon for a minute. Give me a quick definition of the word palliative care. What does that mean?
Nancy: Basically, the relief of the distressing symptoms, and taking care of the whole person. Like as in hospice, in Cicely Saunders started that, is caring for the whole person physically, emotionally, psychologically, making death. We never hasten to cause death, but we wanted to take it as the whole process, and these people will be supported in every possible way, and that was--
Peter: Last year in August, a 28-year old woman shot and killed her special needs child, and then turn the gun on herself, but she was unsuccessful at killing herself, and then she was charged with homicide, I believe. How does that reconcile with what you're telling me and all these other things? Why would they charge her if they're allowing it to go on in other areas? What’s the difference?
Nancy: Well, it’s not a medical person. When assisted suicide was passed, and when all the sudden we had living will that allowed food and water and everything else be taken away possibly in the future or any kind of tubes, everything changed. If you're not a medical person, then you go to court. The funny thing is though now, we've seen this here in Missouri, these cases are rarely prosecuted. Here in Missouri, we actually had a nurse who without a doctor's order overdose a patient who wouldn't stop breathing after a stroke when she was taken off a ventilator. She gave an overdose of morphine, and a sedative such as the pain of all, which were used too. Anyway, the woman died, and the nurse felt guilty and did say something to another nurse, who reported to administration who then sent it to the county prosecutor. But the son thought she had done a wonderful thing. It was merciful. His mother probably would never be the same again.
The prosecutor for two years, I've written about it on my blog, for two years sat on it, and then finally decided to offer probation. The nursing board said, “Well, she's got this probation, and there was no other punishment for it.” She lost her job, and she was put on probation. When we don't enforce people killing people, we basically allowed it. I think case after case happening like that. A doctor in Holland recently tried to perform euthanasia on a patient was fighting him. They charged him. Well, it was only to make it feel a little harder, because they said, “Oh, no, that's okay.” And they wouldn't convict him of anything--
Peter: But a man in Montreal earlier this year was sentenced to five years for smothering his wife who had severe symptomatic of Alzheimer, and dimension, so forth and she was in bad, bad, bad shape. He reached the end of his rope and he smothered her, and then he gets five years in prison.
Nancy: It's entirely different. We had a case in Missouri where a family took their mom and was on the parent’s 50th wedding anniversary if I remember right, and she had a terminal illness. They went there and they gave her an overdose and she died. The prosecutor in this little small Missouri town, with operation wanted to prosecute, but there was so much pushback from the community. He said, “I couldn't get a jury to even hear it, and had to drop all the charges.”
We are having de facto legalization. There are some cases where they do come down hard on someone, but all these laws about homicide, whatever, it shouldn't make a difference whether the person is terminally ill or black or white or whatever. You don't kill another human being, but what they have done, since the ethics changed, like this one nurse put it, she said it changed from do no harm to relieve all suffering. Things started coming in that we hadn't had before.
In fact, a few years ago, I was almost fired for refusing to increase morphine drip on a man who was taken off the ventilator. They didn't quite know what was wrong with him, but they thought his brain was probably fried. There was no reason to think that, but that's what they thought, and I argued about that. When they took them off the ventilator, and he didn't stop breathing, that happens a lot. The doctor ordered a morphine drip. The nurse who gave me report said, “he said to increase it until the man stops breathing. With 30 milligrams right now.” I said, “I won't do it. That's euthanasia.”
I went up the chain of command. I talked to the doctor who had done the original surgery says I don't want to get involved. I went to supervisors who said, “Well, that's a normal oncology dose.” I spent eight years in oncology. There's no such thing. This is ridiculous. I went up to supervisors everything, and I turned the morphine off. The nurse who said, “The doctor said to increase morphine until he stops breathing.” She said I covered your. I wrote morphine for comfort, no limit. I followed the order turn the morphine off.
At the same time at another patient on a ventilator that was waking up. We took her taking her off sedation, we were going to wean off the ventilator the next day after her surgery, who had a lot of pain. I said, “Are you having pain?” She nodded. “Yes.” I said, “I'll call your doctor.” I said, “Sir, could I give her like one milligram of morphine IV? She's so uncomfortable.” And he said, “What are you trying to do? Kill her?” Both were equally stupid.
Anyway, I tried to wake him up and as a respiratory therapist was all unhappy about it, too. They didn't even give him oxygen. They just popped him off the ventilator. I went home, and there was no other nurse to cover for me, but I absolutely refuse and let them all know what up the chain of command. I went home, two days later, I came back, and he was dead, which I figured would happen. Because a lot of people were mad about it. I was called in the office, and they said the doctor wants you fired. I said I did nothing wrong.
They said, “Well, you're good nurse. How about if we just say we reprimanded you?” I said, “I will not accept that.” They said, “How about if we say we educated you on end of life issues?” I said, “I lecture on end of life issues. No.” And actually, I follow the order. He was not uncomfortable. So, there was no reason for him to have the morphine. They said, “We'll go home. We'll try to figure it out.” And some nurses got around our hospital. This was interesting. I figured I'd be harassed out of a job. I was a single parent with three children, so it was not an easy decision. Some nurses thought it was euthanasia, some thought I overreacted, it didn't make that big a difference, but on one floor, the nurses had similar case, and they came up and they said, “You made us think. We're so busy. We hadn't thought about it.”
The doctor ordered an excessive dose of morphine on respiratory patient, and they knew why. Every nurse went to the doctor, and said, “Hell, no, we won't do it. You do it,” and he wouldn't do it. The man had a natural death.
It's scary out there. I know--
Peter: Well, I've been in a lot of situations in the hospital with Gracie through her 80 surgeries that I can count. She's been anesthetized more times than I know. My wife lives with extreme suffering. This is not a situation that we are unaware of. We have watched this, we've had lots of conversation with payments with specialist. So, this is why I wanted to tackle this today. Get into this, and we're going to come back after the break here at the bottom of the hour. We're going to deal with the new PCHETA bill that's been reintroduced to the Senate.
I want you to talk about this. I want you to talk; why this is important, why do we as caregivers need to know this thing? I've said for a long time that we caregivers are sometimes all the standard between our vulnerable loved one and a cliff, and even worse disaster. Sometimes, sadly, that's happening right in our hospitals, and right in our hospices, and right in all these things. I've seen too many of these things.
This is Hope for the Caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger. If you want to be a part of this conversation, the number is 877-655-6755. That's 877-655-6755. We talk with Nancy Valko, longtime nurse. Now, she's a legal consultant with nursing. This is her passion to talk about, and get the word out there. We as caregivers need to be aware, particularly, those of us who live with someone who suffers chronically like this. Okay. Hopeforthecaregiver.com 877-655-6755. We'll be right back.
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Peter: Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walked for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization standing with Hope. When my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager, and she tried to save them for years, and it just wouldn't work out. Finally, she relinquished. I mean, thought, “Wow, this is it. I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that?” And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. That's what we've been doing now.
Since 2005, was Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana. You can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there, you can designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com. Would you take a moment and go out to standing with hope.com and see how you can give, and they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com
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STANDING WITH HOPE: GRACIE Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. In 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries, and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed, and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana in West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies, and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs.
All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with Hope
A Healthier For You: How do you feel? Is your body sluggish? How about your mind? What about sleeping? Is that difficult for you? When you had your last physical, what did you learn about your health? Should you lose weight? If you're like so many caregivers, those are hard questions. You didn't get here overnight, and you won't change it overnight, but there are steps you can take starting today. Find more information at ahealthierlifeforyou.com. That's ahealthierlifeforyou.com.
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Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg, and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We're glad that you want to be on the show. It's 877-655-6755. 877-655-6755. I want to talk real quick before we get back to Nancy. I need some help. Gracie and I started Standing with Hope years and years ago. It was part of her outreach to reach her fellow amputees. We do prosthetic limbs for amputees over in West Africa. It's an extraordinary ministry. Standingwithhope.com. You've heard her ad here in the presenting sponsor of the show, but we collect used prosthetic limbs. They go to a local prison in Tennessee run by CORE CIVIC. It's one of their many faith-based programs. The faith based programs are great, because that helps give a better foundation for inmates, so that they don't return. Recidivism is not a good thing for them to keep coming back.
They have found that these faith based programs really do work. Inmates volunteer to work with us in this, and they disassemble used prosthetic limbs, so we can recycle parts from it. Not all of the things can be reused like the socket. That's molded specifically for that particular patient, but the knee, the pylon, the screws, the adapters, the connectors, the feet, the socks, the belts of it; all that kind of stuff can be recycled, and we do and then we purchase new materials send it all over there.
Well, we need some. We're out. We got some special needs right now going on particularly with above knee amputees. Maybe you know somebody, maybe you run a funeral home, and the family member doesn't know what to do with the prosthetic limb of a loved one who passed away, do not let it collect dust. Send it to us. Go to standingwithhope.com, standingwithhope.com or says, “Just donate a used limb.” It’s right there on the front page, and get involved and help us get the word out there. Because those things are like gold to people who are waiting to be able to walk. Okay, you got you got to look at the pictures of what happens, the transformative journey they go on, and let's make sure that we can help as many people walk as possible. They go walking and leaping and praising God, and it's an extraordinary ministry.
Alright, so we are back here with Nancy. 877-655-6755. If you want to be a part of the show, 877-655-6755. We are talking with Nancy Valko. She is a longtime nurse. 45 plus years in all types of nursing care; critical care, hospice, home health, oncology, dialysis, other things, but now she's a nurse legal consultant here. She's talking about bioethics, and what's going on in our culture. I think we were all just shocked when Governor Northern Virginia just let it out of the bag to special needs families, “Hey, if this child was born with severe, whatever, then we'll put the child aside, and we'll have a conversation decide what to do with.”
We were all shocked to hear it so clinically done. I mean, it was just like so matter of fact, and yet when we keep sending that kind of message, and it's been going on for a long time, when caregivers get to the end of their rope, they are struggling. They don't know what to do. What does, putting mama wouldn't want to suffer kind of thing. So, we end up being the decision maker or being the influencer of the decision maker if our head space is not in a good space. That's why we're having this conversation here.
I live with someone who suffers. 80 surgeries, both legs amputated, nonstop pain; all these things. A lot of people along the way thought it'd be just be merciful if she died for Gracie, but Gracie wants to live. That's what she just sang that song; rejoice evermore. I'm alive. Lift up my voice. Gracie is not only laugh, she is helping other people walk. She's got a new record coming out next fall. I mean, next month. She is very much alive. I had two children, now she's got two grandchildren, and yet it is contrary to what the world is offering.
Next month I'm going to have a young man. Well, he's 40 years old now named Aaron with Down syndrome. He was on last year. He makes an appointment to come back every year Down syndrome awareness month in October.
John: I'm so glad to hear about that. I didn't know that was going to happen.
Peter: Aaron's coming back. Aaron is an Elvis tribute artist.
John: It’s no joke! Yeah, absolutely.
Peter: He is deeply into it. He’s loves to laugh. He lifts up his voice.
Nancy is here today to help give us some understanding. So, when we go into these worlds, we need to be prepared. We need to be educated. We need to understand what's going on, and what we're going to be hit with, when we're dealing with somebody who's chronically suffering. If our headspace as a caregiver is not in a good space, then what are we offering to our loved one? I'm the loudest voice that Gracie hears most of the time. She would echo that with a lot of “Amens,” on multiple levels. John, I don't need any comments from you on that.
John: Of Course …nor stickers or guffaws.
Peter: If my voice is one of despair or critic criticizing or all doom and gloom, and all this kind of stuff, what's it going to do to her? If you--
John: What other voices that does that allow into the space? I mean, because you're rather vulnerable, because you’re in this condition and you've got all of these sensible professionals around you, and they might not be acting in your best interests, so it’s up to you.
Peter: They may indeed not be, and they say, “Well just go ahead. We don't want them to suffer kind of thing.” Gracie is going to suffer for the rest of her life, but that doesn't mean she has a bad life. She's the first one to tell you, and she's the one that said, “I need for you to talk about this on the air today.” Okay, so I'm doing it, because I listened to my wife, John. Nancy, I'm just kind of bringing you back to that. Sorry about that a little bit detour there.
Nancy: He's absolutely right. My mother told me years ago, “I never want to be a burden on your children.” And she never was. I never tell my children that, because they thought I was a burden when they were teenagers, and I wasn't even sick. We've got to get rid of this idea first. That's why most people--
John: Hey, wait a minute.
Peter: Now, you’ve gotten close to home now.
Nancy: That’s true when they have all the listings of why people do assisted suicide, this little records they keep on them in different states. That's one of the biggest things they have is a fear of being a burden on family or caregivers. With my mother, she always worried about that. Well, she wound up getting Alzheimer's, and then terminal cancer, and I was there. I was asked when she got Alzheimer's, “Are you going to feed her?” And I said, “Well, yeah,” I said, “She's not going to die of starvation and dehydration. Right now she gets up and goes to the refrigerator and eats ice cream out of the basket. Do you want me to tackler?” And they go, “No, of course not.” I said, “No, this is how it is.” That's how it was with my daughter. Because they offered to take everything off my daughter when she was critically ill. I said, “She will not die of starvation and dehydration. She will die of her condition.”
She was comfortable. My mother was also comfortable, and we spoon fed her at the very end. She had a wonderful… we gave her palliative chemo and radiation to help with the pain, because of where it was located in her throat, and she had a beautiful death just the way she wanted, and we took care of the pain. The problem is, if we have the society for the right to die that I talked to you about before has morphed into something called Compassion and Choices, and it's like a business. They are the ones pushing assisted suicide laws everywhere.
I spent a lot of my time going to different states and giving talks on this, but on their website, they say, “Well, if you are in a state that doesn't have it,” and this is what we nurses have been saying, there's other ways you can do it that are legal in any state. One is voluntary stopping of eating and drinking. They're working on advanced directives to stop even spoon feeding. If you have Alzheimer's, you can find a living will for that. They have terminal sedation, where they go, “We’ll make you comfortable.” And then they over sedate with whole food, water and critical medications. I've seen it happen. I fought this too; giving pain medicine, but over pain medicine.
I do have on my website; things to look for when you have a loved one or a friend in the nursing home, which I've had, I know the medicines and all, and I've had too many people call me and they said, “Mom was real perky.” And they said, “Well, we'll just put her in here, maybe start some palliative, hospice care.” That's what they're calling this now. What happen is all of a sudden, “Mom wasn't that awake anymore, and she didn't want to eat.” and they go, “Well, she must be dying?” It was until later what they realized. I have tips on my blog for what to look for in that. Now with compassion and choices--
Peter: Can you give us one of those tips just off the top of your head right now?
Nancy: Oh, things like most of them have to have care meetings and stuff. Make sure you're in there. Know what the medicines are. Know what the doctors. I ask all the doctors, “What's your position on assisted suicide?” That's a good bellwether, and you can educate people, but know what they're getting. I was going through these care meetings, I would ask constantly, “Okay, what are the PRNs? Is she getting anything as needed, any pain medicine or whatever?” I kept very close watch. I watched her--
Peter: Nancy, you throw out a lot of information. Even though most of my audience that are caregivers understanding things, what's a PRN?
Nancy: That's an as-needed medication.
Peter: Okay, and so you go into these meetings, you're very aggressive and you are very educated, and you understand these things. A lot of people are in this role as caregivers for the first time, and they don't know these things. They don't know what to do. They don't know what to ask sometimes. We got to make it simple for them, and hopefully they can borrow a little courage from you. When I first started doing this with Gracie, whatever the doctor said that was gospel. Because I didn't want to question doctors. I was brought up to do that, and then I saw--
Nancy: We all need to go over that.
Peter: I got over it. I remember one time, but the first time I did that, I stood up to an orthopedic surgeon. I mean, I was 26 years old. I was just a kid, and then it morphed into… I remember telling one doctor, I said, “Look,” and he was giving me all kinds of static, and I said, “Look, I've been taking care of her since she were in junior high school. Let's get it together here, buddy, and keep this in perspective. It doesn't hurt that I'm a second degree black belt,” but that didn't enter into the equation. The point is so many people in this, and they don't have that courage to do that. They don't have that wherewithal to do these things. I want to make this as simple for them as possible, so they have these care meetings. Can they shoe out the caregiver, can the caregiver be there? How do you make sure the caregiver can be there?
Nancy: I found when I took care of the woman who founded Doctors for Life, I was her medical power of attorney. I found out about, I asked them, and sometimes they kind of forget. I knew what it was. I said, “We need to have one.” I am very aggressive, and even as a nurse, I would take on the doctor sometimes when I felt it was absolutely necessary. This is why I wrote my blog. I've been writing for years. I was a reporter for the National Catholic register, I've written for women's magazines, I've written secular things, I've written journal papers, but I started my blog, and it's called A Nurses Perspective on Life, Healthcare and Ethics. The reason I did it is I wanted to tell people what was going on, and what to look for. It's like, “I have six things you must know about physician assisted suicide,”
Because when I travel, I talked to legislators. They haven't read their bills. They don't know that the doctor gets complete immunity, and that the death certificate must be falsified for privacy, but it's actually so nobody knows, and it has no coverage, no documentation of what happened, except that they got this prescription, the doctor doesn't have to be there and usually isn't. If there's a complication, isn't reported many times, there's just a lot with it and legislators go, “You're kidding me.” We have to understand that legislators, sometimes they're not lawyers, and they depend on lobbyists to talk to them passionate choice, but very, very--
Peter: Don't get me started on what legislators are--
Nancy: But they do. They come back again and again. I've been in Massachusetts, in Maryland and recently and they're coming back again this year to try to get it through. They have even, and there was a bill that was defeated in Delaware, where they put assisted suicide as a palliative care option. This is the problem. All this terminal sedation, stopping at eating and drinking or spoon feeding and extra medicine, is called palliative comfort or even routine hospice care for such patients. You have to make sure, if you've got somebody in hospice or a nursing home, and I know good hospice, I was actually asked to be the director of a hospice, but I didn't. Because I saw what happened. It went from game Cicely Saunders thing of we never hasten or cause death to the patient’s choice. Everything was the patient’s choice, autonomy. That's when ethics changed. I couldn't take it, because I saw where it was going, and I knew I would be getting into trouble.
Peter: Let me back up, because we got to cover one thing. On that particular issue, the patient’s choice, if the patient is in a state of despair, and they don't have anybody around them speaking life to them, then of course, their choice is going to reflect that. This--
Nancy: That doesn't even cover it. I worked on a bill here and in Missouri, but what happens is, is now hospitals, many of them do, we found this happen in Missouri, have medical futility guidelines. Some of them are secret. What happens is sometimes everybody thought when, “Oh, well you have a right. The family can make this decision if somebody's unconscious.” They found out some families who aren't making quote “the right decision”, so they overruled them. We now have a law in Missouri to make sure that parents of kids with disabilities are notified if they want to put a Do Not Resuscitate or comfort feedings on their baby.
We had to fight for five years in the Missouri legislature before we got a pass this year. A couple that were nice enough not to sue instead said there ought to be a law. Beside themselves, they didn't know why their baby wasn't being treated when he started going bad, and found out he was on comfort feedings, and he'd been made a Do Not Resuscitate without their knowledge. We're trying to say, “Stop that for everybody.”
So, sometimes, like I found with my daughter, Karen, when I said, “I want everything done.” My pediatrician went behind my back and made her Do Not Resuscitate unnecessarily. This is what's scary, but Compassion and Choices has been pushing assisted suicide, and all of this, and with Carrie, you have to understand. I'm spokesperson for the National Association of Prolife Nurses. We're a group of nurses. We strive to seriously care for our disabled, terminally ill, any patient with the compassion and that very highest of ethical standards. We applaud that with medical innovations and supportive care options that can help our patients and family attain the highest quality of life possible. However, with this palliative care, Bill, compassion and choice--
Peter: Wait, wait, this is the one in Missouri right?
Nancy: No, this is the one in the US Congress right now.
Peter: This is the PCHETA bill.
Nancy: Yeah, it’s the--
Peter: We only got a few minutes. I need you to really hammer down on this one. Exactly what it is that you want us to know about this? What is it called First off?
Nancy: It’s called the palliative care hospice education and training. It was brought up supported by Compassion and Choices, who have said they have a mission statements, and we employ educational training programs, and that they wanted their federal policy a general established federal payment for palliative care consultations by train palliative care specialist, who will advocate and support the values and choices of the patient.
Well, this is why we consider this bill so bad. Because what it is, is all about training these people, and making them good. The problem is--
Peter: Who's sponsoring this bill?
Nancy: Well, they've got several sponsors, and it was done as, “Oh, we want to make palliative care available to everybody, and we need to train people.” However, there is not the need for that. One of our people went into it and it will cost like at least $86 million. Nothing goes to the patients. It's to promote education. It gives federal grants to all these groups say, “Oh, we want to have a training program.” The problem is the federal funding, and what we're afraid of will teach and institutionalize the unethical practices, including assisted suicide without sufficient oversight, penalties or safeguards.
The first bill when it came out, it was stopped, but then Compassion and Choices backed off when they put a thing in there that federal funding could be removed for objectionable practices furnished for the purpose of causing or assisting a patient's death for any reason such as assisted suicide. However, that was an old clause that actually said this does not apply to withdrawal of other treatment or feeding tubes. That's not good.
Some of the biggest and most influential hospice and palliative care doctors are not good. One of them is Dr. Timothy Quill. He's a Board Certified palliative care physicians, 2012 President of the American Academy of hospice and palliative medicine and a promoter of legalizing physician assisted suicide in terminal sedation. He went to the Supreme Court in 1997. I wrote the nurses brief on that. I helped to do that, or he was trying to get assisted suicide considered constitutional. He lost nine to zero, but he's not through yet. He'd be one of the people that could get these grants quite easily. There's no oversight who gets it. They apply for so--
Peter: So, what do we need to do about it? Who do we call?
Nancy: Well, I tell people to contact their legislators in Congress. There are ways to do that. I had that on my blog too. Because we've joined with others like the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition and Healthcare Advocacy and Leadership Organization and other organizations and opposing this.
Peter: Well, we contact our Congress, I'm just wrapping up, because we're going to run out of time here. Tell me in a nutshell, why is this important to the family caregiver?
Nancy: This is important, because this is the kind of stuff that they don't know about. I have seen personally doctors tell family members, “Your loved one is brain dead. Your loved one will never have a normal life. Your loved one is going to die.” That's wrong, but it wasn't true, and I said the problem is by the time I left ICU nursing, I was hearing some of the people I work with say, “This person needs to die.” and I go, “They're not even asking for it.” He's, “Well, I wouldn't want to live like that.” But I says, very short step from I wouldn't want to live like that, to no one should live like that. Right now, we don't have enough safeguards for our people. That's why we're doing this.
We need more programs like supportive programs, and good programs, but this is just for training, and media outreach and all this other stuff, and it will become institutionalized. This is just wrong. Like I said, they've even got futility policies that can overrule. Usually, an ethics committee and a hospital can overrule the family. I was in on one case where we had a 5-year old who was on a ventilator. She had one problem, and eventually was going to kill her, but the family kept saying, “No, let's get her off the ventilator again. We don't want to just take it off.” And she was totally the Children's Hospital. It happened to be a Catholic Children's Hospital, “A new doctor is coming in on Monday, and he will remove it no matter what you say.”
They called me on a Friday night. We couldn't get any lawyers. So, I told them say, “You want an ethics committee meeting first thing Monday morning, and tell them that you're bringing a tape recorder.” One thing they're afraid of is lawsuits, and that solve the problem.
Peter: Well, and that that brings me to a point here that we as caregivers need to have good legal care to look at all these things. It's too much for us. I get this, and I have that, but it's very expensive to have good legal care, isn't it? No, it's not. Let me tell you why. caregiverlegal.com something I do, $24.95 a month. caregiverlegal.com, I have full access to eight entire law firm through this program. If you are living your life without this, you're asking for trouble, because you've got to have a legal care representative in your back pocket, so that you don't get picked pocketed by all these things, and you don't get taken to the cleaners, and you don't get all of a sudden down this road, and you realize that your wishes are not being met here or your loved ones wishes, and you really need to have good legal representation. That's caregiverlegal.com. Check it out. Just go take a look at it, and I'll talk to you about it.
Nancy: Most people don't know, in July, the Health and Human Services Office of the Inspector General came out with devastating report on problems in hospice. That 80% of them had at least one deficiency, and some of them were very dangerous. This is the kind of stuff is important. This is the kind of information I try to put on my blog. Because I call so much stuff from… I do research, medical research, I talk all over, and I do a lot of voluntary caregiving, including a 97-year old woman who when she broke her hip, and when she was 95, the family was asked, even though she was perfectly conscious, “Do you want us to put her in hospice?” Luckily, they were smart enough to know that was wrong. She's 97 years old, and still kicking today.
Peter: Well, I appreciate you taking the time on all these things. You've given us a lot of information, and I'm putting it out there for my fellow caregivers. We have to be alert. The world has changed, and there's not even an effort to discuss some of these things now. I remember the conversation with the governor of Virginia when he was just on the radio, just like we're having a conversation radio right now, and just was very matter of fact that, “We just put the kid over there, and we'll decide what to do with that kid a little later.”
Nancy: The media doesn’t give you the whole story. I’m an ex-reporter.
Peter: Well, don't give a story on the media. They don't give the whole story a lot of times. It’s fake news, believe me, they're no good. I want to talk about this, because as caregivers, we have to, I'm sorry, this is our journey. Part of it is we've got to step up and be there to be that second set of eyes, the second set of ears, we've got to protect these people. A lot of people wouldn't want to live like my wife, and yet she has an incredibly productive life. It's not easy, but this is what we have to do as caregivers, is be able to speak life to it, but if we're not giving somebody speaking life to us, how are we going to be able to speak life to our loved ones? How are we going to be to be alert and be protect?
We're going to put this out on our podcast, Caregiver Podcast, and it'll be free for you to have. Nancy, thank you for joining us, nancyvalko.com V-A-L-K-O, nancyvalko.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. hopeforthecaregiver.com.
We'll see you next week.
This show starting by sharing some hilarious moments of my parents who listen to the show on Alexa (Dad calls it "A LEXUS,").
We pivoted the show to point caregivers to tangible hope and referenced Lamentations 3:19-33.
We took quite a few calls and even discussed the new song by Gracie and Russ Taff that is available below.
Our phone lines lit up and we talked with a father of a special needs son, as well as two different daughters struggling to care for their mothers. Along the way we gave them copies of "7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them" as well as copies of my CD, "Songs for the Caregiver."
We also discussed the vision of Standing With Hope ...which is the presenting sponsor of the show. Take a moment to check out Standing With Hope, and then get involved. Maybe you can sponsor a prosthetic limb ...or maybe you can donate a used prosthetic limb that we can recycle through our limb recycling program.
From Sept 8, 2019 HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel.
SUNDAYS AT 6 PM EASTERN
Caller from Sunday's HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel shared how a tip from the show helped her recently.
Her ex-husband requires care, and she gave her son a respite in caring for him, but even through his dementia ...he still remembered to hate her.
Able to laugh, while learning to "bite her tongue and like the taste of blood," she shared how a small tip (the Delta Doctrine) from the show helped her get through an uncomfortable situation.
Sponsored by:
Yes, she's had 80 surgeries and both legs amputated ...so you'd think horseback riding would be off limits for Gracie.
She doesn't ride anymore (although she insists she will again!), but this hilarious moments reveals the biggest reason why!
Listen to this clip from Hope for the Caregiver heard on Sunday 9/9/2019 on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131)
Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER: Sept 9, 2019
“I’ve Got To…,” “I Need to…,” “You Don’t Understand, I Have To….” “It’s My Obligation to …” These are all statements made by all caregivers at some point, and, sadly, all too frequently. The feeling of obligation drives us to push ourselves to dangerous stress levels for our health, finances, and emotional stability. The way we can push back is to recognize that we don’t own the problem. Think about it, did you cause the problem? Can you fix this issue?
Stewardship Vs. Obligation Feeling obligated can quickly take us into resentment, which will only compromise our ability to live healthy lives, as well as serve as healthy caregivers. In reality, as caregivers, we’re stewards and powerless to fix the suffering of our loved ones. Instead of owning the problem, we can instead own the concept of stewardship. Doing so frees us to accept we are doing the best we can with what we have.
Furthermore, adopting an attitude of stewardship, helps us breathe easier and treat ourselves with mercy—all of which equips us to be a better caregiver.
Sponsored by:
Marlene in Indiana struggles as a caregiver for her husband who has lung cancer. Although she cares for her husband, she also helps take care of other family members. Marlene is living in the fear of tomorrow, next week, and next year. We helped point her back to today and a path towards help for her.
How are YOU feeling?
The heart of a caregiver is often deeply troubled. This is why we do the show. We know that if we can speak to fear and chaos in our hearts, then it helps set the stage for the body to get healthier as well.
Not just the body, but the mind, the marriage, and the money. So many of our external challenges reflect an internal problem ...of the heart.
Hope for the Caregiver is not just the name of my book ...or the radio show. Rather, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life ...as caregivers.
How are you feeling?
Excerpt from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio: 8/24/2019
It’s starting to dawn on a lot of us …some of who are newer to this, not so much, but a lot of us have that realization, “Man, this thing is not going to have the happy ending, it's not going to have the happy ending that we want, it's not going to get pretty. In fact, it's going to probably get worse.”
And what do you do with that information? What does hope look like in that?
And as I've struggled through these things and I've worked through these things myself, I determined I was going to offer this to my fellow caregivers to ways that they can point them to safety, point him to high ground where they can just catch their breath. And I got people that call in to the show that want to kind of insert their story into it, you know, “I've been taking care of my children,” but they're not special needs children, they're just children, I've got children.
But this is not “Hope for the Parent;” this is not “Hope for the Homeschooling Parent,” …this is Hope For The Caregiver.
This is not to teach you how to care-give, this is not to do any of those things, this is Hope For The Caregiver, who… that one person who is up night after night after night doing laundry.
Back and forth at doctors’ offices.
Looking at the bills mounting up.
Listening to somebody who…they are wiping their bottom… and getting cussed at by the same person.
Somebody whose father abused them as a child and now they're having to help him go to the bathroom.
This is who the show is for …to let you know that God has not forgotten you, He has not abandoned you. This is not some kind of curse from God, that's not what's going on here.
And this is your time.
As it was said in the scripture at the beginning of it, “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad; a good word makes him glad.”
How many of you right now are feeling so anxious, that are so weighed down? I can't take this burden off of you, you can't take mine off of me, but what we can do is help each other adjust this pack a little bit easier, and what we can do is we can build each other up and equip each other to be stronger as we carry it. What's happening is we're trying to muscle our way, white-knuckle our way through this and we're getting weaker by the day. I get that.
And so, what I'm trying to do on this show, what American Family Radio is helping me do is to come along and strengthen you for this journey. That's what it means when we bear one another's burdens. We're equipping each other to do this. We're not going to let you just get crushed by this. We want to point safety and we want you to know that your peace is available, it's right now, that peace that you're craving is available right now!
You don't have to wait for the funeral to be over… to have peace in your heart, you don't have to wait for that magical surgery that's going to fix this or that, whatever that treatment is.
You don't have to wait for that you don't have to wait for your loved one to stop acting the way they're acting, to stop drinking …stop putting drugs into their body.
You don't have to wait for that to have peace, you can have that right now; no kidding, right now.
It's not going to come without tears and it's not going to come without reinforcement and work and somebody pointing you to that place.
And I floundered around for so many years where people came… when people came up to me and just offered me stuff that we just looked at them like, “What's the matter with you?”
But I was young …and I didn't know much, and I didn't know how to respond to that. I didn't know how to push back on that and say, “No, this is not wrong.”
And bad theology has caused more damage for people, and we've got a lot of bad theology going on out there. So, when we sit down here with this network we said:
“You know what? We're going to put good theology in a way that caregivers can really understand into their hearts. We want to make sure that you clearly understand what the gospel means in this situation, that even as you are doing the things that you're doing, changing a dressing or a colostomy bag or picking up your special needs child and getting them to the toilet, that even in those moments when your heart is breaking, that the peace of God which transcends all understanding can still flood your heart in those moments; that's what the show is about.”
888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.
Peter: Ernie in Alabama. Ernie, good morning, how are you feeling?
Ernie: Good morning at Mr. Rosenberger. I should call you brother Rosenberger. Thank you for taking my call.
Peter: Well, you can just… how about you just call me Peter? You can just call me Peter.
Ernie: Peter, well, thank you thank you, Peter, thank you for your program, it's amazing. It has to be providential, I was telling the lady when I call that we’re caregivers for our granddaughter along with her mother. She's a teacher and so we take care of her, and she's 5 and a half years old, she’ll be 6 in October, so she's almost 6, and he suffers from FOXG1 syndrome. And FOXG1 is a deletion of 1 little gene in the 14th chromosome, and the symptoms are that she cannot… she cannot fit by herself nor stand by herself, she can support weight, but you cannot walk, she cannot crawl, she cannot sit from lying… in lying position, she cannot talk. She loves music, she loves people, she's aware of her surroundings, she understands her name and she cannot sing or do her ABCs. We take her to school, they have a real nice class, the… that happened at conception when the deletion misconstruction of her genetic code. And also, her problem also is the communication between her little brain to the different autonomous system.
Peter: Ernie, let me… Ernie, let me stop you for a second. One of the things we caregivers are very good at doing is we can rattle off our loved one’s chart, we could get down to the chromosome and DNA level, we could tell everything about our loved one. Ernie, how are you feeling?
Ernie: Yes, and this is one of the reason that it's a miracle, providential I would say. I'm a Christian, I believe in the power of Jesus, I believe in…
Peter: Ernie, I got… Ernie, Ernie, I got all that. How do you feel right now?
Ernie: Oh, yes, it’s exactly like what you say. The theology when people approach you and for example, like they say, “You know, the reason that your granddaughter is the way she is is because God knew that you were going to be a good provider.”
Peter: But Ernie, Ernie, you're still… you’re still not answering my question. I want you to take 1 word and tell me how your heart feels right now.
Ernie: Oh, it's devastating, it is devastating to go through what we go through and…
Peter: Well, it is devastating, and if you could do something for me, can you hang on? Don't hang up because we got to take a quick break, but I want to talk about [feeling] devastated, okay? Can you hang on with me?
Ernie: Sure.
Peter: Just hang on, don't go anywhere, we're going to take a quick break and I want to talk about this a little bit more. This is Hope For The Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger and this is the show for you as a family caregiver. You voluntarily put yourself in a situation where you’ve got to help an impaired loved on, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? How is your heart doing? Ernie and I are going to talk about that when we get back. 888-589-8840, we'll be right back.
BREAK
Welcome back to the show for caregivers, this is the nation's number one show for the caregiver and you know what? Because of AFR, we're out in front of this with the gospel.
We're not giving you New Age, psychobabble, Hallmark cards …We're giving you the authority and the clarity of the gospel in your situation as a caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840; let me go back to Ernie.
Ernie, you see what I'm talking about here when I ask you how you're feeling and it took you going through your granddaughter’s chart and talked about all the things … you used a lot of words, but when it comes down to really how you're feeling, it's devastating to watch this. And that's what I want to talk about with you, I want to see how are you doing because I want to be able to speak to that devastating place in your heart. It is a hard thing to watch your family member, somebody you love deeply to be this way …and to go with these things and wondering with it. So, talk a little bit more about how are you feeling in this, Ernie?
Ernie: The… Peter, the most devastating part of all is whenever you see her suffering in pain in anguish, whenever you see her going into seizures, the first thing that comes in is to… it tries your faith. And then you would say you will say things like, “God, we've been praying for 6 years and look,” and then you say, “Do you care? Are you listening?” But then as soon as you say it and then whenever the seizures subside and she's feeling better, then the guilt of knowing then I didn’t have enough faith, enough staying on his world to trust him through this awful time. And that’s one… that's the most devastating part is the fact that I know that he cares, I know that he listens, I know that his hand is long to reach and help, but we do not understand why, and it goes to the why. And then so that is… and then you go through the period devastation of our faith, the devastation and, you know, we just feel so low…
Peter: Well let me…
Ernie: .. the fact that we tapped out.
Peter: Let me… let me speak something very specific to you in that, Ernie. And thank you for that, Ernie, thank you for trusting me with your heart because that now we're having a real conversation, because you do, you question why God is doing something, after the seizure is done, you breathe a little easy and then you feel guilty for it.
And no, no, no, I want you to understand that it's not your faith, it's not how much faith you have, it's not the fact that you could squint your eyes real hard and pray, it's the fact that you are calling up to God in the first place. That is the indication of your faith. That you recognize that there is a God and that He is supreme over this.
You don't understand it and it hurts your heart …and it frustrates you to watch your granddaughter go into these seizures, I get that, but the fact that you are calling out to this God at all, Ernie, is an indication that your faith is. And I want you to… I want you… I'm going to give you something very specific today because everything we do here is specific and focused on a caregiver, but I want you to remember this Psalm: Psalm 13.
And I'm going to read it to you, but I want you to look it up, and every time you feel this way, every time you struggle with this, would you go back and look at this Psalm? Let's see what it says,
“How long, Lord, will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God, give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death and my enemies will say, ‘I've overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”
And here you go, here you go, Ernie, this is for you, this is what David says,
“But I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing the Lord's praise for he has been good to me.”
Do you see the train of thought that he did as he wrote this Psalm under the guidance of the Holy Spirit? Because he cried out, “How long, Lord?”
You've been praying for 6 years with this granddaughter, you've been watching this situation unfold, and those questions that come, “How long are you going to let me just basically go to bed with his tears pulling… flowing from my eyes?”
But as he as he works his way through this, he comes back he said, “But here's what I'm going to do.”
And this is where you are, Ernie, you're in that Psalm 13 place where it is very, very difficult, and there are so many tears that come and you're saying, “How long?” and yet, you are still recognizing that that you have a Savior, you have a God who is who is keenly aware of this and you're conflicted on any given day.
Every caregiver, every one of us understand that conflict that comes in our hearts. And I want you to know that I appreciate you very much taking the time to just call and share your heart. It takes a while to get down to it because we want to rattle off all the chart, but what we're interested on this show right now, Ernie, is your chart, the chart of your heart, of how you feel.
And does that Psalm 13, can you… would you hang on to that for me? When you get to those places, would you hang on to it and go back and just spend some time reading Psalm 13?
Ernie: I will and I will share it with my wife and my daughter. And I cannot thank you enough for your compassion, for great thing that you're doing. And just yesterday she had another episode, and I was in my way this morning to a Bible study we do on Saturday mornings, and not only that, but there are also people in my group that have Alzheimer's, loved ones with Alzheimer's and I'm going to share this morning as soon as…
Peter: This is the show for your group, this is the show…
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is an outreach of Standing With Hope
Ernie: I will.
Peter: … for your group and your daughter. And would you… would you read…? Do me do me a favor, just I'm asking you to just kind of take a little bit of a leap of faith, not just share this with your wife, but would you and your wife and your daughter sit around the table and would you hold each of their hands and will you read Psalm 13 to them, read it very, very, very slowly.
Ernie: I can do it with them, that would be…
Peter: Now, there will be some… there'll be some tears, there'll be some tears there, Ernie. OK? I'm just giving you a heads up, all of your eyes will fill with tears. But if you will stand in that gap as “the Godly priest of your home manner” …and read these words to your family, I promise you…
Ernie: I’m sure that will be…
Peter: I promise you something, and I want you… actually, I want you to call us back and tell us what happens in that moment. It won't be easy, it'll be… it'll be difficult, there'll be tears, but I want you to have that…
.. Actually, you know what? You don't want you don't need to call us back and tell us because that's a private moment with you and your family and God, but I believe that you'll… you'll know that you are stepping into a different place with your family in your relationship with God. But physically touch your wife and your daughter, hold their hands and read the scripture out loud, and read it slowly, I mean slowly, because our hearts move a lot slower than our mouths and our heads. And thank you for…
Ernie: It’s the correct Psalm.
Peter: Pardon me?
Ernie: It’s the correct Psalm, Psalm 13, so I surely will do that. And thank you so, so much for that, and I know that we expect victory from this, just the fact that, like you said, that he's there and he's there for us and… but…
Peter: The victory is… the victory is already there, this journey is… is honing you down to be in that place with God that you would not be otherwise.
The victory was assured at the cross and we have to walk in that victory.
Now, sometimes we think victory is when they stop having seizures, there's victory when they're having seizures, there's victory when all of this stuff is happening. As my wife groans in pain at various times, there's victory while she's groaning in pain. Somehow we've equated victory with problem-solving, and victory is a whole lot different.
And we can have victory, we can have peace, we could have joy right in the midst of these things. Now, I'm not saying this like I own this I'm saying this like I believe this …and I need to hear it over and over …and over again myself. You tracking with me?
Ernie: Yes.
Peter: So, the next time… next time your granddaughter has a seizure, I want you to understand that you have victory even in the midst of that seizure. The victory has not been stripped from you because it was not your victory, it was God's victory through what he did at the cross, that's our victory. And you hang on to that, hang on to that and help your wife and your daughter hang on to that.
Ernie: I sure will.
Peter: And that's how we're going to do it together. And, Ernie, I want you to know how much I appreciate you calling and sharing your family's journey. And you're important to us, we're part of the body of Christ, you're my family and we're going to we're going to we're going to strengthen each other together.
Ernie: Thank you.
Peter: And you've helped… you've helped strengthen me this morning, Ernie, so thank you.
Ernie: Well, thank you, thank you for your program and may God bless you.
Peter: Well he does and he has, and you go to your Bible study right now and share this with the Bible study there and then I'd like to hear from you in the future about just how you doing, okay?
Ernie: I will, thank you.
TRANSCRIPT:
Alright, we're talking about resentment today, and a lot of folks deal with this issue. It is a brutal issue that affects caregivers; it cripples us; it really does.
A lot of people think if I could just get so-and-so to stop acting this way, then I can be okay, and it's all going to be good. But the problem is not the person we're taking care of, the problem is ourselves, and it starts with us.
We can learn to be at peace no matter what's going on around us, and scripture confirms that throughout all of Scripture. Paul and Silas ...never forget... they were in prison around midnight it says.They were been beaten, I think they were stripped naked and beaten, and around midnight they were singing hymns in prison. (Acts 16:23-26)
Alright?
Wrap your mind around that for a minute. Many of us as caregivers are up around midnight, dealing with all kinds of stuff, and I doubt we've been beaten and I kind of doubt we've been singing hymns. What do they know about Christ, that we need to know, that's going to sustain us?
Peter: Rebecca in Georgia, Rebecca good morning, how are you feeling?
Rebecca: Good morning. I'm pretty good.
Peter: Tell me what's going on with you.
Rebecca: Okay, I'm kind of on the fringes. My boyfriend has a brother, who has been an alcoholic slug all of his adult life. He hasn't worked in 20 years, he's been living off his mother for, and he lived off of her for about 15 until she died. The money in the will was given to my boyfriend to dole out amongst the siblings, especially for his brother. Because he can't handle the money, it would have been gone in a month. So when the mother died, he was about to be put out on the street.
And so we went up to get his brother and brought him down to Florida where we live. We put him in a room at my house; I'm living with my boyfriend two miles away. So we put his brother in a room in my house, he still has no responsibilities. He's 59 years old, and my concern is not for the brother as much as my boyfriend. Because my boyfriend will often say I hope he dies, I can't wait till he dies. And I know that's really not true, I mean we went all the way up to Massachusetts to get him so that he wouldn't be out on the street.
But he has this resentment, because his brother will not help himself, and he does give us a hard time. And he costs my boyfriend money as well. And his brother's money from the trust is about to run out, and I think that resentment is just possibly going to push my boyfriend over the top. Because then he will be supporting his alcoholic brother completely. I don't know what to do for them.
Peter: Well, I don't know that you can do anything for them, but what I can ask you is a couple of questions. One of them is, is your boyfriend's brother still drinking?
Rebecca: Oh, yes.
Peter: Okay. When your boyfriend, and there's a couple of things too went on here. First off you're living with your boyfriend, right?
Rebecca: Correct.
Peter: All right, so let's put that in a box that we will deal with in just a minute. But your boyfriend is enabling his brother, okay. Why should your boyfriend's brother stop drinking? He's got somebody who's taking care of him, he's got resources, and alcohol is more important to him than your boyfriend.
Rebecca: Because his mother made him promise to take care of his brother.
Peter: His mother's no longer a factor here, she's not doing it. And those promises, those are artificial restraints.
Rebecca: This was actually in the will; they had a certain amount of money. And he's giving him his money slowly, because of his mother...
Peter: Right, but does he have to live with him?
Rebecca: What do you mean?
Peter: Is it in the will that he has to live with your boyfriend?
Rebecca: Oh no, he doesn't live with us, we have provided a shelter for him. He is in a different house, but he has shelter. He was about to be put out on the street, so my boyfriend took him in so that he wouldn't be out on the street.
Peter: When you say, take him in, where is he?
Rebecca: He is living in my house, which is like two and a half miles away. I have a house, but I'm not living there anymore.
Peter : Okay. So you and your boyfriend are living together, and your house then is being used by your boyfriend to house his drunk brother.
Rebecca: Correct.
Peter: What part of that do you think sounds really good and normal?
Rebecca: Only the fact that his brother is not out on the street, and he would probably be gone by now.
Peter: Well, is it okay for him to be on the streets?
Rebecca: He wouldn't be able to survive.
Peter: Well, sometimes you're going to have to let go of somebody, and trust that they have a savior and you're not that Savior. Why should he stop drinking? Why should he stop this lifestyle of his as long as he keeps having a place to stay and food and money?
Rebecca: Exactly. But even when he didn't have those things, he was on the street.
Peter: So here's the picture you've painted for me this morning, Rebecca. You've got a guy who is enabling his drunk brother, who's living in a relationship with his girlfriend, but he's not willing to commit to a marriage with her. And you're the same way with him; you've got a lot of dynamics going here.
And all of this is going to get into one big enabling mess, and it's affecting your relationship with your boyfriend, which is not on really great grounds as it is right now anyway. I mean you guys are participating in a relationship that's not a healthy relationship, living together that's not biblical and that's not a healthy relationship. If you listen to this station enough, you know this.
But we'll put that over here on this side of the table, and on this side of the table, you've got a situation where you've allowed this is your house. I'm not one to give out a lot of advice on the show, because what I try to do is trying to point people to safety and say here's what safety looks like.
And in your case, safety is going to look a lot like you going back to your house, kicking that guy out and letting your boyfriend deal with him. And when your boyfriend deals with that in a healthy manner, and he's ready to come back and have a healthy, spiritual, godly relationship with you then you guys can talk. But in the meantime, you're embroiled in something that is not yours to be embroiled in. You have no commitment from this guy, or to this guy; you're letting a drunk guy stay in your house.
Rebecca: Well we do, there is a commitment, but there are circumstances why we are not actually by paper married.
Peter: Well, there may be, but the point is by paper ..that's your house that a drunk guy is staying in, right?
Rebecca: Yes. But that's not the resentment part of it; the resentment is not mine.
Peter: I understand that I get that, Rebecca. My question is still that, why are you giving up your house to go live with the guy, so that his drunk brother can stay in your house?
Rebecca: I moved in with him two years ago, we just went to get him. He lived in a whole different part of the country, but he was being put out, and he was going to be on the street. No money and on the street, and my boyfriend didn't want him to have to deal with that, so he went up to get him and brought him down.
Peter: But it seems awful convenient that he could stay in your house.
Rebecca: Well, that's because his money is not going to last much longer.
Peter: How long will his money last?
Rebecca: It was put into the will that my boyfriend was to dole out the inheritance to his brother because they knew it would be you know gone in a couple of months.
Peter: Yes, I get all that.
Rebecca: About another year and a half left.
Peter: So what would your boyfriend do if you didn't have a house?
Rebecca: He'd have him in our house, where we're living now.
Peter R.: And is that your house, or is it your boyfriend's house?
Rebecca: I'm living in my boyfriend's house.
Peter: Right. So it's not our house, it's his house. Right, I understand, I want you to hear the concept here. You're not staying in our house; you're staying in his house. Do you own any part of your boyfriend's home?
Rebecca: Okay, this is kind of judgmental to me.
Peter: I understand, you called me, though. You called me and told me that you got a drunk boyfriend's brother living in your house, and you're calling you and your boyfriend's house our house. But your house is actually over in another part of town, I understand. But you're in a very vulnerable position that is depending upon the goodwill of your boyfriend, correct?
Rebecca: It depends on what?
Peter: The goodwill of your boyfriend. What if you guys break up, what happens?
Rebecca: No, the brother will be put in, my boyfriend would take his brother out of my house and put him in his house with him, and I would go back to my house.
Peter: Okay, then you go back to your house?
BREAK
Peter: Welcome back the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, bringing you 33 years now 34 starting today, of experience to help you stay healthy as you take care of someone who is not. And I want to go back; we lost the caller. But sorry right into the break, I was trying to unpack a lot of things here, but I want to go back and touch on something.
You've got somebody who is an alcoholic, because of the way the mother set this thing up basically because this guy has been enabled, he's 59 years old. And he is dragging down his brother, who is causing all kinds of frustration for his brother who is dealing resentment. Well his brother's girlfriend, who lives with him, is concerned about the resentment eating up her boyfriend. And yet what's happened is this guy's alcoholism has created its own vortex if you will, it's sucking everybody into the sickness.
Whereas a healthy relationship would be, this girl and this guy, this man, and this woman choosing to be committed to each other, getting married and living a healthy life together. Instead, she's let her house go to the drunk brother of her boyfriend, and she's living over here with her boyfriend, calling it our house but it's not our house. It's his house, she has her house, and this drunk brother is in the midst of it. Do you see how sickness can do this, and it can distort our thinking?
The problem is not just necessarily her boyfriend's resentment, which I'm sure he has. Most people who are involved in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic are filled with resentment. But the problem has gotten so exasperated, exacerbated, it's exasperating, but it got exacerbated because they've chosen to come up with a solution, a workaround if you will, to deal with the drunk brother by letting her own home go to this guy, and she just moves in with her boyfriend.
But if she and her boyfriend break up, if their relationship goes south or something happens with them …then you've got this drunk brother over here in her home, and this guy his sickness is pulling both of them [his brother and his brother’s girlfriend] into two very dangerous places.
And she heard judgmental.
But I'm saying, “You're in danger.”
“You can call that judgmental if you want, but you're in danger because you're at the goodwill of your boyfriend. And if something goes south between the two of you guys, you're going to have to kick this guy out of your house, and you're going to hope he'll leave without causing a lot of problems.”
And then you see how convoluted this can get? Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And this brother is not healthy, and this brother's drunk brother is going to continue going this way because he doesn't have any reason to stop.
Nobody's putting any kind of barrier to this guy; he's not going to be desperate enough to stop. And you can resent him all you want, but he's not going to change. The only thing that's going to change is the one brother who is watching all this, is going to get more resentful, and it's going to affect him more. And it's going to affect this relationship he has with this woman, who obviously he has a great deal of feelings for. And she obviously has a great deal of feelings for him. And they've got some kind of arrangement. They've kind of figured out to do a workaround instead of just looking at this drunk brother and said “Hey! “Enough is enough, you're a drunk, we'll put some money towards rehab and that's it!”
But this mother set up the will somewhere and everybody's thinking they got to do this and this and this, no. And sometimes you're just going to have to let people fall down and get hurt so that they can start asking for help. And then the two of them can get their relationship back on a healthier plane.
Let me just ask you all this question; I want to ask you, women, a question:
When is it a good time for you to walk away from your own house …this is YOUR house …to move in with a guy when you do not own that house so that his drunk brother can stay in your house?
And when does that make sense?
What are you looking for out of a guy when you think, “Hey, I got an idea let's do this: ‘Let me take your house, and put my drunk brother in, then you come over here to shack up with me!?’”
Is that something … is that a thing now for women that you think that's okay?
Maybe I'm just too old; now I guess I don't know.
But is that a thing?
Is this working for people now?
When you have somebody that is a drunk, that can't handle money, and so you say, “Hey, I really like this guy, but his brother is just a slug (that was her word). I’ll let him come live in my house while I go shack up with his brother, and this will work out.”
888-589-8840. When I point this out, all she hears is judgmentalism, and I'm saying, “Whoa, do you not see how dangerous this is for you?”
This is a dangerous place for this woman. And I'm asking you guys to step back a little bit and think, “Is this a good thing?”
I'm not telling you how to live your life, I'm just asking you, “Is this a good thing?”
And when she refers to our house, it's not our house; it's his house. She has her house, and now she's got a drunk guy living there.
This is what happens when we allow sickness and all these things in it to distort our thinking. We can get incredibly disoriented in this, and we'll start making business decisions, financial decisions, emotional decisions, physical decisions, and we're trying to work around a sickness.
The brother is sick; he is not healthy.
Guess what?
His brother that's taking care of him is also unhealthy, and it will keep doing this, it will keep going.
Alcoholism has no mercy; it will consume your home; it will consume your finances; it will consume your health, it will consume your spiritual health, it will consume everything about you. Alcoholism …addiction… has no mercy, and you have to treat it as such. And you have to be ruthless with it.
You tracking with me? 888-589-8840.
Evidently, there's a lot of people that want to weigh into this kind of stuff, that's just lit up. Greg in Louisiana, Greg, how are you feeling?
Greg: I'm doing well. How are you doing?
Peter: Well, for a man of my age, and limited abilities, I think I'm okay. Tell me what's on your heart and mind?
Greg: I have 15 years clean, a little better than 15 years clean and sober, and enjoyed the conversation that I heard. I agree that the alcoholic brother is being enabled. And I heard a little bit, I mean I'm driving I caught a little piece of it, so I didn't get the beginning so I can't pretend like I know the whole story.
But I did catch the part about there was a will, and so they feel as though they have to continually pay this brother, and they might not see it, but that's enabling him. It would be a better situation; I think that you referred to this; I was kind of in the middle of other things going on also. But if they were to withhold the money, not take it, but withhold it, it's still the brother’s money.
But withhold it, and say after you get in recovery and get your life turned around, then the money is still there it's yours, but I can't give it to you right now to kill yourself. Because you know alcohol will lead to jail, to mental institutions and death.
Peter: Well, that would be the normal thing, I mean that would be the healthy thing to do, but I don't think they're making a lot of healthy decisions at this point. And again there's a lot of enabling, and you're right on the money. And Greg by the way, congrats on 15 years of this all right.
Greg: All right, well, it's all about Jesus Christ, there's no way I could have done it on my own. Tried that, been there done that didn’t work.
Peter: You are absolutely right! Buddy, I appreciate you calling in, and thank you so much. This is Hope for the Caregiver; this is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.
https://al-anon.org/
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Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, bringing you three-plus decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not.
We've been talking about resentment, but it led us all into these convoluted messes that we can get into as caregivers. And they can …because we will make all kinds of decisions that make sense to us in the middle of it. But we're not getting an objective clarification about where exactly are we “in time and space.”
I go back to what happened with JFK Jr., I think it was you know it was 20-something years ago this month. I think it was, but it's been I think it's around this time of year. And he was in his plane flying his wife and his sister-in-law, and they were going up to Martha's Vineyard, I think. And he was flying visual but not instrument; he wasn't instrument rated on this plane.
And so, he was looking out the window and just seeing the horizon, and that's fine in the daytime on a clear day, but this was at night. And I think there was a lot of cloud cover.
And you could get very disoriented on a plane, for those who've been up in planes you know this, in small planes and so forth. (In large plane you get disoriented!) And if you look out and trust your eyes, and what your senses are telling you, you could become disoriented, and it turns out that's exactly what happened.
And he flew into the ocean and killed himself and his wife and his sister-in-law.
And this is what happens to us as caregivers when we're in the relationship with somebody who is chronically impaired, particularly if there's addiction or alcoholism involved. It leads us into bad decisions. I mean really bad decisions! Because we're not listening to an objective voice that says “Hey, are you sure you're in the right place here?”
And we get all bent out of shape about it, and then we start resenting people who are telling us …like the lady said to me, “I'm starting to hear a lot of judgmentalism.”
I'm not being judgmental! “How is this a good thing? “Are you sure you're in the right place here?”
And if you're in the orbit of an addict, I promise you this thing will go just coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. And you will get so disoriented, and you will make horrible decisions.
Financial decisions, moral decisions, business decisions, personal decisions, health decisions every part of your life will be affected by this because it disorients you, you get lost in this thing. And you don't know which way is up, which way is down and next thing you know you're flying right into the ocean, and taking everybody, you love with you. This guy somehow convinced this woman to move in with him so that he could use her home to house his drunk brother.
Raise your hand if you think that is a good scenario!
Who here thinks that's a good scenario? Particularly for this woman, who I don't doubt genuinely loves this guy. But is she looking for her best health interest in this thing, is she really thinking of herself healthy-wise? Not selfish wise, just healthy wise. Is this a healthy decision?
This is what happens when addiction comes into our stuff, and we get all convoluted.
And somewhere in all this thing, at the bottom of it you have to kind of dig through it, right at the bottom of this thing, right at the foundation there's sin, and that's the reality of it.
So again, I'm the crash-test dummy of caregivers, I have made some of the most horrible, boneheaded, awful decisions in my life. And I smell dead ends, cul-de-sacs, and catastrophes quickly because I'm very familiar with the territory.
All right, Jim in Texas, Jim good morning. How are you feeling?
Jim: Good morning. I'm doing good. How are you feeling?
Peter: I'm just precious!
Jim: I worked 22 years of mental health; the Lord saved me when I was eight years old, that's around seven years old. I was baptized at 9; I was brought up in a pastor's family. So I know, I know exactly what these people were going through when they're talking about this. Enabling is one of the most diabolical factors that handles a person's life. I see that I saw it every day with the people I worked with at hospitals I worked in. I saw it firsthand in the people that I dealt with.
There are many phases of enabling; there are six different roles in the enabling process. But the primary one is the chief enabler. This is the one that makes sure everything is in order, for the alcoholic to continue his drinking, his or her drinking. Alcoholic to continue his drinking, the drug user to continue their abuse.
Peter: Well, and that's exactly what happened in this case, this guy he has no impediment whatsoever to stop. Until he runs out of money, and then maybe he'll stop.
Jim: He'll find another user or he'll find another enabler.
Peter: Of course, he would. When they run out of enablers, they usually ask for help, or they die, or they get locked up. Well, Jim, I appreciate very much the call and thank you for sharing your long experience and wisdom on this thing.
You're absolutely right, let me go quickly to Paula in Oklahoma, and we'll try to squeeze this in here before the end of the hour. But Jim's actually right on the money there, and they will go through enablers.
His addiction is driving this thing, and this is why I've included this in the whole caregiver conversation. Because when you're taking care of somebody, for example, which has you know physical disabilities, or even you know Alzheimer's or any kind of thing. Where people look at okay, we understand that diagnosis, we get it. When you take care of somebody like that, there's a little clearer-cut path even though it's still kind of murky.
But when you're dealing with addiction, man it is absolutely mind-numbing what it does to people and their decisions. And there's a lot of shame, and there's a lot of guilt, there's a lot of obligation. I talk about the fog of caregivers fear, obligation, and guilt; every caregiver gets lost in this fog. This caregiver’s boyfriend is lost in the fog; he is obligated and guilty fear, obligations, and guilt.
He's afraid the guys going to lose his money, he's obligated to his mother, and he feels guilty if he does something different. Fear, obligation, guilt and he gets lost in that, and somehow he has wrapped this woman into his life and said okay here, let's just use your house to put my drunk brother over here, and we'll do this, that's what happens we make this kind of decisions.
Paula in Oklahoma, I'm going to squeeze you in real quick at the end. Paula, how are you feeling?
Paula: Well I'm doing better, we talked. I think it was last year. I told you about my brother and my mother, and I do have bitterness sometimes, but I keep your book right beside my bed. And I think you said it's not obligated to do it, that's not helpful it's that we want to love the person. Is that what it is? I can't remember.
Peter: Its stewardship.
Paula: It's stewardship, that's it. Because I just gave the book to another lady that I work with, her father died, and now she's caring for her mother. And I said I want it back, and I'm going to buy her asset, but I just wanted to give it to her.
But I just wanted to say that I do still have a little bitterness, but I say that prayer almost every morning in the front of your book, and that helps me so much.
Peter: Well, that prayer is the caregiver’s prayer. But you know what Paula; you know we're always going to deal with this probably until Jesus takes us home. It's not a situation where it's one and done, and so don't beat yourself up for it. That's why we go to Christ; we need a Savior. And I am so proud of you, Paula, you made my day.
Paula: I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing so much better, but I do kind of fall back. You know I take two steps forward and fall back.
Peter: You know, hey welcome to the club.
Paula: And where is that caregivers, I didn't catch it, but I do have you on my email. But where is it at?
Peter: Which one, the podcast?
Paula: No, the caregiver convention or conference?
Peter: Oh, that's going to be in Richmond, Virginia next Friday in Richmond, Virginia. It's going to be a special conference there; I'll be speaking at. But if you can get to Richmond, that's great, but you may not be able to make it to Richmond. But Paula let me just say, I remember your call, and after I hung up with you my heart hurts so much for you.
And I can't tell you how great it is to hear you and to hear just the pep in your step. And I know it's not everything you want it to be, and I know you still go
t difficult days ahead of you, but you sound so much stronger. And this is what we do as believers; we keep building each other up so that we can be stronger. We're never going to feel better about this, but we could be better, and it sounds like you are in a much better place than you were a year ago.
Paula: I am better. And I also to have a sister who is addicted to pills and her husband is continuously enabling her. And I used to fight that and thinking I could save her until I just was like I give her to her husband and to Jesus.
It's not my job to save her; they're going to fall and bleed I have it posted on my mirrors, quotes that you put in my bathroom mirrors are posted almost everywhere. White water walk, I mean I'm out walking, I exercise every day. And I take trips; I live your book.
Peter: Well, Paula, so do I, and I have to go back and read it myself. You've made my day Paula! And I tell you what I'm going to do, don't hang up just going to get your information. I want to send you a copy of our CD too, okay?
Paula: Okay, thank you.
Peter: Just because you made my day. So don't hang up, we're going to get your stuff here.
Hey, listen, everybody look down at your hands, if you don't see nail prints this isn’t yours to fix, okay? If you don't see nail prints, this isn't yours to fix; we have a Savior.
Hopeforthecaregiver.com.
[End of Recorded Material]
On 9/1/19, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER expands to the Family Talk Channel (131) on Sirius XM.
Sundays (starting 9/1/19) at 6 PM Eastern, we will be LIVE!
In addition, we're live each Saturday morning at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.
Our mission is simple: We're going to point family caregivers to safety.
Drawing upon more than three decades of experience, a whole lot of mistakes (I am the "crash-test dummy of caregivers"), and a goofy sense of humor, we're going to strengthen fellow caregivers ...one weary heart at a time!
Gracie asked if she could record one of our promos. What do you think?
The podcast will still be available and free, so make sure you follow/subscribe
Brought to you by Standing With Hope
Portion of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER Monologue 8/10
"...The whole point of this is to speak clarity to a caregiver so that we're not floundering around wondering, you know, where do we go next? What do we do? What's going on? And I go back to this whole thing with gun safety.
I think a lot of people rush to push their political ideology and very few people are rushing to push this in a ministry capacity, and if you think about this, with all of our [United States’] clergy combined, even those from different faith, we can still ask the same question, are the firearms secured?
Think about praying with the mother in despair over her addicted child. You don't have to wait for legislation. You could go ahead and ask the question now, hey, does this kid have access to guns?
And you know, you're not going to stop it. I mean, somebody just went on a rampage with a knife. I mean, we can't exactly go out there and pass legislation to get to knives.
Well, we can, but legislation doesn't do anything, y'all know that and even if it does, it's still not going to do anything until they pass it—I'm talking about something today, right now that you could do.
Think about, think about if this man yesterday who shot and killed his wife and then killed himself over healthcare issues down in Florida. If somebody spoke life to this man, what a different outcome that would be. You can't insure it. You can't make it happen that way, but you give them a fighting chance and you know, results are in God's department, but we have a responsibility to be stewards of this message. Are we just glad we got our salvation, glad we got our knowledge —and then everybody else is just on their own.
I mean, don't we have to be responsible with the information that God has entrusted to us to be the light of the world? And if we're not going to speak light into these situations, who, who are they going to listen to? You know, when you've got states passing medically assisted death and they're all just gung-ho to, to pass that so that you know, physicians could provide drugs that go ahead and take a patient out. How big a leap is it for a caregiver to go ahead and just take matters in their own hand and say, okay, let's just be done with this? When you got a governor of Virginia who is a doctor himself saying that if a child with special needs is born and it's severely deformed, we're going to put the child aside and make it comfortable and then we'll let the mother make the decision on whether or not we'll execute the child.
How big a leap is it for a family with a special needs child that has pushed him to the breaking point to go ahead and just end that child's life? Don't tell me it doesn't happen, it just happened in Oregon a year ago this month. Well, the 28-year-old girl who took a gun and shot her child and then turned the gun on herself. Over in Dixon, Tennessee, a father of a special needs boy, if nonverbal Autistic boy, beat him to death and the mother watched. Then he told the community that child ran off, which happens with Autism. There's a lot of problems with elopement. There are dark thoughts that that get into these people's minds, to all our minds. [It] is scary. It gets into all our minds and if we're not hearing words of life on a regular basis, who are we listening to? What are we listening to?
The world is increasingly throwing death as a solution to us. Think about it. Look at all the headlines. Don't just take my word for it. Look at it yourself. The world is throwing death as a solution. Medically assisted death, abortion. When Roe versus Wade was passed and set up as the law of the land …and I watched Bill de Blasio this week argue about it— and he was asked point blank by Sean Hannity, "Do you believe that an abortion, that a woman can have an abortion all the way to the moment of birth … and he wouldn't answer the question, he would just simply say, "I believe in Roe versus Wade."
Well, I don't believe in Roe versus Wade! I believe that our Savior bore the penalty of death and we don't need to use death as a solution. But these people are not going to be content until they can eliminate by killing anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or in any way unpleasant.
Don't take my word for it. Look at the media every single day. “Well, I wouldn't want to live with this and this and this.”
Well, you don't know what you want to live with! My wife lives with more pain than anybody I know; her body is so broken and yet she has value with what she does, and she trusts God with her pain, and He speaks to her in it.
C.S Lewis said that you don't, suffering is God's megaphone to us. and the world is going to continue to reinforce this [Death] over and over and over, until we get rid of people with disabilities, people who are aging, who have outlived their usefulness according to the world, [or] children that we do not want.
You look at Barack Obama, he said some years ago that if his daughter makes a mistake, he doesn't want her to be punished with a baby. These were his words, they're not my words, they are his words.
And "anything that is undesirable, we need to get rid of." That's what the world says, the scripture tells us something far different ...that we trust God with these things that come along in our lives that are, that are challenging, that are painful.
We hang on to Him in this—not just look for some way to just go ahead and pull the trigger and be done with it. But our natural inclination is to want to be free of all this pain and sorrow and suffering and unpleasantness or fear, whatever it is we got to deal with. So, let's just kill it. We don't have any more money for, to, you know, healthcare, whatever but let's just go ahead and take our own lives and be done with it.
This is happening now. It happened yesterday in Florida. Go look at the news.
So, what are we doing about it? What are we doing about it?
This show is dedicated to speaking to those people who are watching this unfold, who are so discouraged as they watch someone else suffer—to go into that heartbreaking place, and point them to a path of safety.
I get it. I truly get it, but God has not abandoned you. God is not forsaking you. This is not some kind of goofy punishment. He's not arbitrary. He is not reckless. He is not whimsical. He is God all by himself, and He alone is working in ways that we cannot possibly fathom …and so, we learned to trust Him. A lady wrote me last week on her Facebook page. Her husband has seizures all the time, and their nine-year-old boys said, “Why would God do this to us?” [Music starts]
I remember our nine-year-old asked when his mother (Gracie) just kept going through surgery, after surgery—losing legs and everything else. He said, “How can I trust God with my hurts … when I see what He allows mom to go through?”
And I answered him with wisdom that I didn't know, it wasn't my wisdom and I said, “You know what, I don't understand all these things, but I know that He stretched out his arms and gave his life for us. If he loves us that much, I'm going to trust Him.
This is Hope for the Caregiver; we'll be right back.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope - a ministry committed to the wounded and those who care for them.
Statistically speaking, someone orbiting an impaired or hate-filled individual attends a church, temple, or mosque. Rather than waiting and debating over what to do, can we not appeal to our clergy who collectively interact and influence a massive number of citizens?
While politicians and pundits speak to and from green screens and platforms, pastors speak to families in dire circumstances. Parents, siblings, spouses, or children struggling with the behavior of someone they love fill pews and kneeling benches across America. As their spiritual needs receive ministering, why not encourage clergy to quietly and privately ask if that loved one or a distressed caregiver has access to firearms?
Gentle guidance from a priest, pastor, rabbi, or cleric connects far greater than a politician running for office.
In 2008, a debate moderator asked two-term Governor, Mike Huckabee, why he felt qualified to run for President. Governor Huckabee’s answered surprised many. “As a pastor, I’ve had a front-row seat to virtually every social dynamic families encounter.”
He went on to relate ministering to families struggling with sickness, unemployment, disability, addiction, and death.
Politicians talk about all those things, but pastors touch them.
Clergy remain an important, but untapped resource in our country’s struggle with gun violence and hate. Sometimes that violence enters the house of worship itself. Yet, congregants heroically return to pews and clergy bravely return to pulpits to stand for something greater.
In our houses of worship, the opportunity arises to not only communicate hope, but safety. If a firearm lies within reach of an impaired loved one, does the caregiver know how to safety and secure the weapon? If not, plenty of others do. Clergy (if unfamiliar themselves) can help connect the proper assistance.
Waiting on Washington to fix or even address issues is rarely timely. Special interests on both sides of this debate consistently wrangle while lives hang in the balance.
“Are the firearms secured?” With that simple question, a Rabbi praying with a mother in despair over her addicted child can offer help immediately. One small question, and a priest can help a caregiving husband seek counseling before taking a gun and doing the unthinkable to his wife, and then himself. With a caring and practical word, a pastor can intercept a single mother at the breaking point with a special needs child. Right now, a caring clergy member can provide a path to safety for a family struggling with an out of control and rage-filled son.
Elected officials answer to donors and often pander. Clergy answer to a higher authority. In the failure of political leadership, spiritual leadership can prevail—while providing better model of caring for all of us.
One small question framed in compassion and wisdom, while collectively asked by an untapped cadre: “Are the firearms secured?”
In the space of seconds, lives can be saved. Maybe more lives saved than by all the media’s outrage or a stack of laws from Congress.
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” - Proverbs 27:12
Peter Rosenberger is the president of Standing With Hope which sponsors HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Your support helps make this broadcast possible. Please consider a tax-deductible gift to this ministry today!
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is broadcast LIVE each Saturday at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.
Peter: Hank in Virginia. Hey Hank, how are you feeling? Hank: Oh, I'm confused. My mother moved in here almost five years ago now. But then she died November 5th. Okay. My sisters all say I'm building castles in heaven because of what I did. But my problem is that now that she's gone, I feel incredibly guilty because I didn't …I wasn't nice enough to her.
I just, I didn't like my mother, but she was my mother. You know, my sisters called me and said, all these religious holy rollers that you live with, now that you become reborn, …what do they do with their parents when they have to put them in a nursing home? I just laughed at them because they "put them in their basement," they don't send them anywhere.
So, my mother moved in with me and my sisters, I mean, they helped, you know, they all live on the left coast. They're all …nobody's near me. Well, my one little sister is in Maryland and she's up in Baltimore, but I saw her like every other weekend. We had a woman who did the woman's stuff a couple of times a week, but other than that it was me, 24/7.
Peter: Well Hank, I tell you what, can you hang on through the break?
Hank: Sure.
Peter: Listen, don't go away because I want to talk about this with you. We want to
unpack this a little bit more for you.
Hank: I don't know if I called the right place.
Peter: You absolutely called the right place. This is the place for you to call and we're going to spend as much time as we can with you. All right?
Hank: Okay, sorry.
Peter: You got people here that are pulling for you. We're going to talk about this. Don't go away. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.
[Music]
Gracie: Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned, why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish, Standing with Hope.
For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Gannon, West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycled parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up, that's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope.
Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and we are glad that you are with us. We're talking with Hank and Virginia. Um, Hank let me go back to some things that you were talking about earlier. It sounds like you
are struggling with a lot of different conflicting feelings. If you had to just sum up one thing that you're feeling right now, what would that be?
Hank: Um, huh. I thank Jesus and I live in West Virginia, West by God, Virginia [Laughing]
Peter: West by God, Virginia.
Hank: Yes. Uh, and I found the Lord here were, I let him in anyway. I never knew who he was. I always knew there was a God. I always knew there was something greater than me, but I never understood the Jesus thing. And when I did, I mean, I didn't even believe he was talking to me, you know, like, but...
Peter: But, but how, how are you feeling today Hank?
Hank: Uh, depressed. Um, worthless. Look, um, I'm pretty busted up. I'm pretty disabled in my own right. I have a hard time getting around, walking, doing whatever. At least when my mother was here, I had a purpose. You know, I was doing something, and I thought, she's going to be here for the next 20 years. I really did. I thought I was doing penance for being in the child that I was but uh...
Peter: Well let's unpack it a little bit cause we only, I want to spend as much time as I have with you, but I want to go back ...you were not doing penance. Okay?
Hank: I know, it's a joke. It's a joke.
Peter: Okay, well I'd say I'd, it's radio so I can't see you. So I don't know for sure, but I want to make sure you know that and the audience knows that this is not penance because there are a lot of people that do feel like it's penance.
Hank: Um, okay. I apologize.
Peter: No, no, don't apologize. Look, we're caregivers here, all right?
Hank: I know this is serious. I know this is serious and I know, I mean I found you guys, I've listened to you for the last few years, you know, so I know what you do and I, I just never thought it applied to me. I just thought because my heart wasn't in it.
Peter: And yet, and yet you still did it.
Hank: Yeah. Now, you're sound like my sisters.
Peter: Well, maybe they had some good words for you, but the point is you still did it and a lot of caregivers tend to beat themselves up for their job performance while completely overlooking their job attendance record.
Hank: Okay. Peter: And you kept showing up, you kept doing it and, and I also want to tackle that issue that you said that you felt like, you know, you had a purpose. You have a purpose period.
The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. That's catechism number one in the shorter catechism, the chief end of man that is, that is our purpose, is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Now, some of that may be involved and may be manifest in us being a caregiver for someone. We may have some conflicting feelings. We may not even do it very well, but our chief purpose is not to be a caregiver. Our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy him forever and he may call us for a season to do certain things. Now that season may be a lifetime. I mean, I'm 33 years into this. That season may be how long did you take care of your mother?
Hank: About four and a half years. Peter: Okay, so for four and a half years, you had an intense situation where you were doing this and you felt like you were kind of in the zone of what your purpose was doing to get up and do these things. All right, but that doesn't mean that that, that your life is over just because your mother passed away. God has things for you to do as well and things to, to reveal to you about you and more importantly about him and he hasn't forgotten about you, he hasn't abandoned you. Your life is not over. Are you involved in church? Hank: I have a church that they, yeah, I'm, I'm like the black sheep. They love me very much. Yeah. I came to the Lord. Most of them, most, most all of them gave thanks. Peter: Well, actually the day that you came to the Lord Hank, all of Heaven rejoiced. (Luke 15:10) Hank: Well, yeah, I know. I know.
Peter: Do you really? Do you really know that? Do you really know how important you are to Christ? Hank: I believe I truly do. I don't know why, but I truly do. Peter: Well, we don't need to know why Hank: He knew me like this, you know? Before you know, before he, before my father knew my mother, he knew me. He knew I'd be here.
Peter: Yeah, he did and he knows
Hank: I feel kind of lost.
Peter: Well, you sound kind of lost, you know, but that's okay. That's just where we are today. He has known you before the foundations of the earth. Hank: Amen. Peter: All right. And he stretched out his arms and died for you and he took all that on for you. You know, he died for all of us, but he died for each of us. Hank: Amen. All right. Peter: These are words that mean something, Hank. They mean something. They mean something to a caregiver to know that, “…wait a minute, this is not the end of the story!”
That your mother's funeral was not the end of your purpose, that your disability, that things that you're struggling with just to get around. All the sins that you committed; he knew all of that. Every bit of it, Hank. There was nothing hidden from him. And as I said at the beginning of the show, all you need is need and he understands what you're going through right now. And so, you're calling the show on Saturday morning just to have a conversation with somebody who can speak back to you. These, there's an old hymn that I love, it's called a “Wonderful Words of Life.”
“Beautiful Words, Wonderful Words, Wonderful Words of Life…”
And if you don't hear that on a regular basis, hey, if I don't hear that on a regular basis, we both have Gospel Amnesia and we'll forget it. And we need to be reminded of it daily, hourly, you know, that old hymn, “I Need Thee Every Hour?”
Hank: Amen.
Peter: You know that hymn?
Hank: I do not, but I know...
Peter: There's a wonderful hymn called, I Need Thee Every Hour” and you know why it was written because nobody had written, “I Need Thee Every Minute” yet. I think I'm gonna write that one.
It's okay to feel that way because now your prayers change. Now we're getting serious about this thing with God and He wants to speak to those things …and He does speak to those things with you …and there's no need for you to continue to just beat yourself up about being the black sheep. There is nobody, there is nobody, I promise you there's nobody that has ever lived on this planet that is somehow earned the grace of God.
Hank: Amen. I get that part. Peter: Okay, do you really get it because it doesn't sound like you do?
Hank: No, no. It's a gift. It's a gift that you have to accept. Peter: No, you don't have to accept it. No, no. You're, you're, you're parroting back words to me …that I know that you know …but in your heart, I could just sense that you have just been so beaten down and I don't want you to feel that way anymore. I want you to, I want you to see yourself as God sees you. When He looks at you. He sees Christ. Hank: Oh man. [Choking up] Peter: Yeah, he does. He doesn't see all that nonsense because you were covered under that. It's the called the great exchange. He took on all of your filth, all of your brokenness, all of your sin, and he swapped it for all of his righteousness. He looked at Christ and saw all of that stuff that you're struggling with right now. That's what Christ has done on the cross …so that He could just wrap his arms around you and say, “Hank, dude, glad you're here! Come to the table. Sit down right here.”
Hank: “Well done. Faithful, servant.”
Peter: And He will say that to you, but I'm asking you. I'm giving you an invitation here to stop parroting these words back and just listen to what they really mean. I know you know a lot of the words, but your heart is just torn apart for whatever reason.
Hank: The truth, the truth really, really is. It's that Jesus is what changed my mind. I knew all the words. I knew all the stories; I'd heard it all. I'd been baptized, confirmed, all that stuff. I just didn't get it but once I understood than it is very simple. You just accept the gift that he's offered you.
Peter: Well, I know that. I know that. Hank: I just don't want to sound like a parrot. Peter: Well, that's why. That's why I'm asking you to.... Hank: I really truly believe; I really truly do. Peter: I don't doubt that you do, but I think that there's so much brokenness in your own heart that you're standing on the sidelines looking in and trying to convince yourself of these things, …and I know that you believe it, but do you really believe it in all the broken places?
[Do you really believe ] that none of that escaped God's sovereignty in his hand … and He was there watching all of these things happen and still weaving out his purposes in your life?
He watched my wife slam into that concrete abutment. He watched it. God allows what He hates in order to achieve what he loves.
If you, if you get nothing out of this conversation today, Hank, God allows what He hates to achieve what he loves. Can you hang onto that? I'm sorry, we're up against the end of the show on the clock, but I wanted to make sure you had something tangible you could hang on to is, is that okay? Can you hang on to that for me?
Hank: You have done more for me than you understand.
Peter: Well, listen, it's a privilege because people have done more for me …and I'm going to be a good steward of it.
Hey, this is Hope for the Caregiver and we're out of time, but we'll see you next week. Go to hopeforthecaregiver.com for more and you can get this podcast.
Peter Rosenberger is the president of Standing With Hope which sponsors HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Your support helps make this broadcast possible. Please consider a tax-deductible gift to this ministry today!
With a rampant drug culture and the disintegration of the family, more and more grandparents find themselves caregiving, parenting, and struggling with enabling as well as their own marriages and health. Norma and her husband are a family in crisis. We discussed that while there's no solution ...there is a path. But it's not going to easy.
[Transcript]
Peter: Norma in Indiana. Norma? Good morning Norma. How you feeling?
Norma: Not very well this morning.
Peter: Not too well?
Norma: No. What I have a problem with is I have two grandchildren that I'm taking care of due to their mother who has mental illness; schizophrenic mental illness and one of her children...Well, they both have different fathers and the one father is dead, the other father never had anything to do with his son at all. And so the children were taken away by DCS two years ago and I took them into my home and I didn't ask my husband when they called. I just, out of frustration and hurt I said, "Just bring them here".
And so I didn't know, you know, what all the circumstances were, but there was drugs involved. She was living with her sister who had also lost her husband, which is my youngest daughter. And they had got into drugs and everything was a mess. And so this is two years later, I still have the children and my husband, which would be the children's step... I mean it's not their biological grandfather. I'm sorry. I'm so nervous. I'm hearing things. But...
Peter: By the way, let me stop you just for a minute Norma. Do you have your radio on?
Norma: Yes. Should I turn it off?
Peter: Can you turn that off for me?
Norma: Yes. Hold on. Okay, that's better.
Peter: That's good. Cause what happens, it picks up an echo and...
Norma: Yeah. Alright. I couldn't hear myself.
Peter: That's alright. Let me make sure. I just want to catch up here with you and make sure that I'm tracking with you. Okay?
Norma: Okay.
Peter: So you've got a daughter who had a drug problem. She had two different children, by two different men. And because...
Norma: I'll backup. She's not the one that's the mother of these children. My daughter that's paranoid schizophrenic is the one that has the children. And when her husband died with cancer and she had the little girl by him. My youngest daughter, when her first child was born, he was about 18 months old... My youngest daughter and her husband took him and got guardianship of him. Well, then her husband passed away and that's when the drugs began. And then...
Peter: All right, so you got... Hold on a second cause I'm trying to just get right down to... I can't do the whole biographical story on the family, but I just want to understand. You got two children. Are they siblings or they're cousins?
Norma: No, they're siblings.
Peter: Okay, two children...
Norma: And the problem is my husband... I can't say that he hasn't tried to be good, but he just doesn't have the patience that I have. I've been to caregiver basically all my life for other things. And the boy will soon be 14, a teenager and the little girl is 11. And of course, you know how 14 year olds start to get teenage sloppiness and mouthy. And he's been that way with my husband. And my husband says, I can't take much more this. If something doesn't change, you're going to have to make a choice between me or them because he says I cannot handle this emotionally. And every day and every night I wake up with this on my mind and I cry about it and I think I don't know what to do.
Peter: All right, look, I know this is painful. So let's get right down to the brass tacks here, what we got to do. Your husband, what he's going through is understandable, but he's going to have to just step up. And part of that is going to involve both of you guys and maybe the whole family. Is anybody getting any counseling at all?
Norma: Yes, I've got both of the children are in counseling. They're in individual counseling and behavior counseling. And I myself started in counseling. I kind of backed off here lately because my insurance wouldn't pick it up. I've had to pay for it and you know, the extra expenses that come along with it. My husband's never been in counseling.
Peter: Alright. Is he opposed to it?
Norma: No. We have talked about it and our church has a hope counseling center and he said that he would go there with me. That's a good step.
Peter: Counseling is going to be kind of a must for all of you guys. You got so many different moving pieces here. The kids are going to continue acting out. That's not going to change.
Norma: Right.
Peter: But you can change, and your husband can change. But you're not going to be able to do it on your own very easy. It's going to take a lot of work. Divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than counseling.
Norma: Right.
Peter: Does he know this?
Norma: I've been through one. I don't want to go there again. Yes, we both have been through divorce. He was married 27 years. I was married 21 and we've both been married now 27 years to each other.
Peter: All right, let me just be blunt Norma. You all got a whole boxcar full of baggage in this situation.
Norma: Right.
Peter: And it's been piling up for a very, very long time and now it's getting to the point where it's just crushing. You are not going to get out of this overnight. You're not going to maybe get out of this at all. But what you can do is you can rearrange some of these things. You can organize a little bit better so that it's easier to manage and you can get a little stronger and a little healthier as you do it. These kids are going to continue to act out because they've come from just really tough situations. And we don't know a lot of the dynamics that are going to manifest themselves in these children as they continue to go through their teenage years. It's not going to get any easier. So, if you guys are trying to white knuckle this thing by yourself, it's going to crush you. So what I'm asking you to do is for you and your husband to sit down at the kitchen table and look at each other and just have a real honest conversation. And don't be afraid to say,
"Hey, you know what? This is absolutely a dumpster fire. But it's our dumpster fire and we're going to have to deal with it. And for us to just split up and go our separate ways is not going to be the solution. We love each other. We care for each other. We care about these kids. We're trying to do the best we can, but this is beyond us. This is bigger than us. And us falling apart is not going to help them and it's not going to help us."
Norma: Right.
Peter: And that's the starting point for the conversation. And it's going to be a painful conversation with some tears … and it's okay to listen to him. Okay? You brought this to him. He loves you, but now he's got to hook up all of his box car to your box car and man, you've got all kinds of stuff going on. It's going to take a lot of patience, a lot of work and a lot of help to detangle some of this mess.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: And if you guys are not looking at it honestly from the front end it's going to overwhelm you. When you get into it, you're going to get mad— you're going to get angry—all these things are going to happen. [You’re going to be] resentful. All this stuff's going to happen. And I don't want to see that happen with you all, but it's going to start with an honest conversation between the two of you. And then you're going to start to have to reach out to get some good people involved with this. It's probably going to take more than just one or two. It's going to take more than maybe even what your church can offer.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: And you're going to need to get some social workers involved in this. This thing with your grandchildren is going to probably get a little bit more gnarly. When you have teenagers in general, it can get weird. But when you have teenagers that are coming from the kind of train wrecks that these kids have come from, it's going to get even weirder. Okay?
And so that's why it's going to be very helpful to get some people involved and some family. People that really know this kind of stuff, not amateurs. You're going to have to get some people with some real experience in this to help you kind of chart a path of what this looks like.
You don't go to counseling just to emote. You go there to be able to say, "Okay, what does safety look like? What is a path towards this thing not crushing us?" And you have to come out with real action steps. By the way, are you seeing your doctor regularly?
Norma: Yes, I do. Every three months I have... Unfortunately, I have an anxiety disorder and a heart condition.
Peter: Well, I can only imagine you would have an anxiety disorder. I would have an anxiety disorder dealing with what you're dealing with. I'll tell you what, hold on through the break Norma. Hold on through the break. This is “Hope for the Caregiver”. We'll be right back. Don't go away Norma.
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Commercial for Standing With Hope
Peter: Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization; Standing With Hope. When my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished them and thought, "Wow, this is it. I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that?" And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees.
And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing With Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that; through suppliers, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at www.standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment and go onto www.standingwithhope.com.and see how you can give and they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at www.standingwithhope.com.
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Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We're on American family radio. We are live; (888) 589-8840, (888) 589-8840 for those of you holding on the phone lines, we'll get to you in just a minute. I want to finish up a little bit with Norma in Indiana. Norma, you still with me?
Norma: Yes, I am.
Peter: Norma, a couple things that I was thinking about over the break. I would recommend also for your husband and you both to involve yourself into some type of 12 step recovery program for family members of addicts or alcoholics.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: Even though that's not always applicable in every case. The concept is still helpful. Like Al-Anon and things like that because it is a group of people who are struggling with their dysfunction and trying to control something that can't be controlled.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: Those are helpful things. You guys have had a lot of trauma to you and you're going to have to respect the trauma. You've got death, you've got paranoid schizophrenic, you've got drug use. You got a lot of trauma and you've got multiple marriages. You got a lot of trauma. I've been caring for somebody who's endured the aftermath of a lot of trauma and you have to respect the trauma and recognize that this may not get better. Okay? It just may not.
There's some things that just not going to be fixed this side of heaven. My wife's legs are not going to grow back. Her pain is not going to go away. Not unless some kind of direct intervention from God. And she's been like this for 36 years and that's a long time.
Norma: Yes.
Peter: And so in this particular case, the things that are going on with you, there's not going to be a point where you say; "Okay, we're just going to get through this and then we can get on with our life."
Nope, this is your life now. And these children are part of your life and they're going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life. And your husband is in a position now where he's going to have to make a decision. Does he want to be a part of that? And he can't hold that over your head every time he gets just upset about something. He's going to have to man up and say; "Okay, am I in this or am I not in this?" And man up …and do it. Now that's the blunt force truth.
Norma: Right.
Peter: All right. Here's the compassionate truth. There are people out there that can help you with this. But it's gonna take a lot of work and it's going to take some money and you're going to have to make financial decisions and spend some money with some counsel. Now, when you go to a 12 step recovery program that doesn't cost any money, those are free. You can go to those anywhere and you go every day if you want to, and I would recommend it because I think it's going to strengthen you for the journey and that's what's necessary. There's not a solution for this. There's only a path towards you being stronger and him being stronger and you all being able to better navigate through this. There's not any kind of switch that somebody's going to flip and all of a sudden your grandchildren going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. You know, there is nothing. You know, my wife doesn't have a switch that's going to make her legs stop being amputated and grow back. You know, it doesn't work that way. But, she does wear prosthetic legs. She has adaptive equipment that can help her function in a healthier manner in life. And those are things that are going to be necessary for you and your husband and these children. You're going to need some adaptive equipment. You're going to need emotionally adaptive equipment and that's not going to come from you guys just trying to muscle your way through this. You're going to have to seek out some help, some real, no kidding professional help. And so I don't know who you're going to see as a counselor, but makes sure that you really are dealing with a pro here who can give you good solid counsel- "Okay, here's the action steps you need". If all you do is go through a box of Kleenex every time you go to counseling, that's not helpful. You're going to need action plans.
You're going to need no kidding... There's a movie, it's a tough movie to see. It is a tough movie, but it's a very good movie. And it's called, "We Were Soldiers", Mel Gibson stars in it and it's based on the true story of Lieutenant Colonel Hal Moore who ended up becoming a general. But it was back in Vietnam and they got over there and the whole thing just fell apart. I mean, these guys were highly trained. They were some of the first people there in Vietnam and they got over there and it was basically an ambush. It was just falling apart. And Moore, played by Mel Gibson gets up and he looks at these soldiers and every one of them you could just see it in their eyes …"Okay, what are we going to do now?"
And he looked at one young sergeant, I think it was and he said, "I want you to take that creek bed". He was yelling these things out, "That creek bed! We're going to take that hill!" And it’s very micromanaged things …of what we're going to do—that we're not going to just sit there and start shooting somewhere and hopefully we hit the enemy. We're going to have very targeted steps and that's the kind of counseling that you need and that's the kind of counseling that your husband needs. It's not going to be a situation where they say, "Well, you know, write three things to say that you like about each other" or whatever. I'm not saying that you're getting that. I'm just simply saying it's going to have to be almost “military type” action plans. “We're going to take that creek bed!” …this is what we're going to do today. Right now. Those are the kind of action steps that you're going to have to have. And you're going to have to have that support team around you and your church and so forth. And if you're not getting that, you need to trim out everything around you that is distracting you from a healthier path. I mean, you're going to have to ruthlessly cut things and even relationships that are pulling you down because you guys are in a very, very, very dangerous position.
Norma: Yeah. We are. That's why I called.
Peter: The whole thing can just come crashing down on you and then these kids will be just... Well, you know, it'll take everybody down.
Norma: Right, and I don't want that to happen.
Peter: Well, I don't want it to happen either and I don't think anybody listening wants it to happen. We're all pulling for you, but it's going to take you and your husband. It starts at the kitchen table. It usually does. And it's going to take you and your husband sitting down and get your Bible out. You know, and proverbs says; lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. That's what it says in Proverbs and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
And it's really important that you hang on to that scripture because when you lean on your own understanding, you get in some real messes. Believe me, I know this. This is my life. I am the crash test dummy of caregivers and I've leaned on my own understanding and made a mess of things. But there are the people who have good understanding and godly counsel for you. Scripture says there's wisdom in a multitude of counselors and you're going to need a multitude of counselors in this one.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: And ask your husband at the table... Just say, look …and I'm going to put this out on the podcast and play this back for him if you have to … but just say, "Look, before you just go all nuclear here and say, this is done and I can't take it anymore, can we have an honest conversation about what we can do and how we can navigate this and how we can see God's hand in this and trust God in this?"
Now, we'll tell you this. I will tell you this, with absolute 100% conviction, Norma. You can trust God in this. He has not abandoned you. He already knows about all of this. Okay?
Norma: Right.
Peter: This is not something that God has just said, "Oh my goodness, I took my eye off of Norma and look what happened." That's not what's going on here. But there's a lot of heartbreak for whatever reason and there's a lot of different factors that have gone into this. But here's where we are. And my wife's car accident did not catch God by surprise. When her friend Joni Eareckson Tada dove into that Chesapeake Bay back in 1967 and broke her neck and became a quadriplegic. It didn't catch God by surprise.
Norma: Right.
Peter: When Cain murdered his brother Abel, it did not catch God by surprise. And he's able to weave and work through these things with us. But it does take work and it takes trust …and this is what it looks like to cry out to a Savior. So, if you feel like your counselor is the right person for the job and the kids' counselor is the right person for the job, okay, then you've got some real allies.
And now your husband's going to need that.
It may be more than what your church offers, but you're going to need strategic counseling. Not just emoting you know, I know this is a tough place for you guys. Every time you meet with a counselor, you should come out with some type of action step. But I don't care how small the action step is. The action step could be just to go home and you know, clean the refrigerator. I'm just making stuff up here. But it has to be an action step that you guys can actually wrap your mind around doing to help these children get to a place where they are not creating havoc everywhere. And help you guys get to a place where you're not being sucked into the havoc that they do create.
Norma: Okay.
Peter: This is a hard place Norma. I am not saying these things without any sense of understanding or appreciation of just how difficult this is for you. But it's a very dangerous place for you. You are welcome to call anytime you want. You're welcomed to give us updates and we'll do the best we can to connect you with resources that can help you with it as well. Okay?
Norma: I appreciate that so much.
Peter: You're welcome Norma.
Norma: Fine. Okay.
Peter: Well, thank you. Thank you. We as caregivers are in dangerous places and we have to have strategic players. The goal was not to feel better about these things. The goal is to be better. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.
This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com. Help us keep the show on. Go out and take a look and see how you can do it. We'll see you next week.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
"The Obvious Often Becomes Obvious ...Just Before It Becomes Obvious."
Susan from Memphis called the show to share her dilemma of caring for her mother from a long distance. With one brother pulling the yeoman's share of the load, resentment cropped into the family.
Yet, Susan didn't quite know what to do.
I asked, "Instead of helping your mother, how about helping your brother?"
When helping a caregiver, t isn't necessary to wrack your brain and try to reinvent the wheel - sometimes, it IS the wheel!
I pointed her to her brother's tires and asked if he could use a new set?
She quickly latched onto that idea and realized he regularly put a lot of miles on his car. In the process, Susan found a tangible way she could thoughtfully show her brother that she cared and was part of the team.
Helping a caregiving doesn't have to be complicated or exotic. Look for the things that caregivers regularly use, and offer to help. Dry-cleaning, grocery shopping, lawn care, home maintenance, car issues, etc.
All of those things can be immensely helpful to a caregiver.
"If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?" James 2:16
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Consider supporting this ministry today. Click for more info.
"I'm going to swerve into something today that I've been stewing on for a while ..."
That's how we started the July 20, 2019 show, and we tackled families struggling with addiction (alcoholism). I said to a young man recently, "Honour thy father and thy mother.." (Exodus 12:20) DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO HONOR THE IMPAIRMENT!
When dealing with an addiction issue, family members all too often (and sadly) place themselves in bondage trying to enable.
The disease of addiction is a family disease, and will take everyone with it ...if allowed. Alzheimer's has no mercy ...and will crush everyone around an impaired loved one ...if allowed. Caregivers will sadly take so much abuse into their heart as they listen to a disease speak with the voice of a someone they love.
But it's the disease, not your mother, father, spouse, etc.!
Yet, so many struggle, often painfully, with tremendous sense of guilt while mistakenly honoring a disease or impairment instead of the parent or loved one.
We spend a good bit of time on this issue in today's show. Share this show with someone you know who is struggling with this.
if you're in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction/alcoholism, here is a helpful resource.
https://al-anon.org/
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. If this show is helpful to you, we invite you to help sponsor this through a tax-deductible gift. www.standingwithhope.com/giving
A show FOR caregivers.
ABOUT caregivers.
HOSTED by a caregiver.
With millions putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster, the family caregiver continues to be an "at risk" individual. Not just physically and emotionally, but financial risk looms for caregivers, as well.
It's not enough to say,"take care of yourself." Caregivers need require regular, specific, and clear reminders of what HOPE for the caregiver looks like.
Peter Rosenberger brings 33 years of experience as a caregiver through a medical nightmare that includes 80 surgeries, multiple amputations, and nearly $11 million in medical costs. Hope for the Caregiver is the nation's #1 show for family caregivers and is committed to strengthening those who care for the weakest among us.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
One day, while flying to Atlanta on Delta Airlines, (Duh,Everything Leaves Through Atlanta), I discovered that flight attendants state the best advice for caregivers—all day long:
“In the unlikely event of the loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Securely place your mask on first, before helping anyone next to you who may need assistance.”
That small directive, which I call the “Delta Doctrine,” contains applicable wisdom for so many circumstances— but probably none as poignant as for those of us serving as a caregiver for a chronically ill or disabled loved one.
Have you noticed that they don’t tell you how to open the peanuts or pretzels—which are surprisingly difficult? Nor do they explain how to use the atomic suction device known as a lavatory. I suppose they think we will just figure those things out on our own! But every flight attendant, pilot, and every government and civilian entity associated with flying will remind us to put our masks on first.
Why?
Because they know it’s counter-intuitive to human beings. When a loved one is in peril, we simply throw caution to the wind and race in to help.
Listen to the podcast from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER the radio show.
Watching someone suffer with chronic pain remains a heartbreaking reality for so many caregivers. As a spouse of a chronic pain sufferer (Gracie's dealt with this for 36 years), I personally understand the frustration, despair, grief, and helplessness in watching a loved one suffer.
Laura called the show to share her difficulties as she watches her husband suffer. One of consistent challenges caregivers face in this particular journey is despair and feeling isolated and alone ...feeling that God has abandoned them.
We're not alone, and God hasn't abandoned us. Listen to the conversation.
Brought to you by:
As anyone who’s moved knows, things can get lost or misplaced in the process. In our recent move to Southwest Montana, my scattered mind led me to drop my debit card in the parking lot of a grocery store in Bozeman. (Granted, I've got all this head ...and so little brain, but I'd like to think that I can normally keep from hurling my debit card to the ground.)
Meet the wonderful individual who found it, tracked me down, and returned it safely. Her name is Kylie Stier and she is the business manager at Bozeman Lodge.
You will love meeting her ...and learning more about this wonderful individual!
Thank you Kylie - you saved me a LOT of headache, and are a breath of fresh air to meet in this world!
"Live the way you choose - in style and comfort, surrounded by good friends and modern amenities in the beautiful Gallatin Valley. Bozeman Lodge is a warm and friendly community with a full range of amenities and a full schedule of social, educational and recreational opportunities."
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER - the nation's #1 broadcast show for the family caregiver.
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER the radio show June 30, 2019.
Defending your faith ...to yourself. Sometimes the challenges we faces as caregivers overwhelm us and we falter. While many of us know the words to say to others about faith, hope, and God, do we know what to say to our own hearts that are struggling?
One of my favorite passages in Scripture is 1 Samuel 30:6
And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.
Do we know how to strengthen ourselves in the Lord? What does that even mean? We talk about that in this episode.
In addition, a caller (Laura) shares her struggle as she cares for her husband who lives with chronic pain.
At the very end of the show, a surprise gift from Vickie in MS who let's us know an amazing turn around in her life in dealing with her abusive, drug-addict son with PTSD.
Brought to you by:
"Our Circumstances May Not Be Able to Change, But We Can Change." - Mary Tutterow, The Heart of the Caregiver
Mary called the show to share her journey, insights, and her new book, The Heart of the Caregiver
Mary and her husband Winn have two adult children and live in Charleston, South Carolina. Their daughter, Mary Addison, has cognitive and physical challenges and an active seizure disorder. They also cared for Winn’s mother through cancer and dementia. A former anchorwoman and marketing executive, Mary now writes, speaks and leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers.
Mary's new book:
https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/
Sandi Floria quickly moved to intense concern when her 42-year-old husband repeatedly dropped the baby food while feeding their infant. The puzzled look on his face signaled more than just clumsy hands, and she jumped into action - because she understood warning signs of a stroke.
Sandi called the show to share her story, their journey, and their ministry, Compassion Radio.
Sandi's husband Bram has been the Full-Time Host of Compassion Radio and President of Compassion Ventures since December, 2016. For ten years he served as Executive Producer for the daily broadcast, which now reaches tens of thousands through a network of nearly 500 radio stations with 1000 releases a day.
Bram met Sandi in 1984 while doing Missions Work together in Eastern Europe. Apart and together, they led teams of Christian musicians on Evangelistic Crusades throughout Western Europe, the Soviet Bloc, Africa and Southeast Asia. As a Development Director for Continental Ministries and Christian Artists, Inc., Bram helped advance the arts in creative worship on three continents.
Today, the Florias live on 30 acres of what they call their ‘Texas Paradise’ where they’ve raised their four children.
From the National Stroke Association:
A stroke is a “brain attack”. It can happen to anyone at any time. It occurs when blood flow to an area of brain is cut off. When this happens, brain cells are deprived of oxygen and begin to die. When brain cells die during a stroke, abilities controlled by that area of the brain such as memory and muscle control are lost.
How a person is affected by their stroke depends on where the stroke occurs in the brain and how much the brain is damaged. For example, someone who had a small stroke may only have minor problems such as temporary weakness of an arm or leg. People who have larger strokes may be permanently paralyzed on one side of their body or lose their ability to speak. Some people recover completely from strokes, but more than 2/3 of survivors will have some type of disability.
Use F-A-S-T to Remember the Warning Signs of a Stroke
- FACE: Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?
- ARMS: Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
- SPEECH: Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange?
- TIME: If you observe any of these signs, call 9-1-1 immediately.
Stroke By The Numbers
- Each year nearly 800,000 people experience a new or recurrent stroke.
- A stroke happens every 40 seconds.
- Stroke is the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S.
- Every 4 minutes someone dies from stroke.
- Up to 80 percent of strokes can be prevented.
- Stroke is the leading cause of adult disability in the U.S.
https://www.stroke.org/understand-stroke/what-is-stroke/
From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER air date June 6/22/2019
Special guest: Mary Tutterow.
Mary and her husband Winn have two adult children and live in Charleston, South Carolina. Their daughter, Mary Addison, has cognitive and physical challenges and an active seizure disorder. They also cared for Winn’s mother through cancer and dementia. A former anchorwoman and marketing executive, Mary now writes, speaks and leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers.
Mary's new book:
https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/
We are thrilled to welcome HOME RULE as a sponsor on our North Carolina affiliates. www.homerule.net
"Care-taking is a full-time job. We believe that families should be able to access the benefits they are receiving. When you are understaffed, you lose that time: sleeping time, working time, family time, restoration time- YOUR time."
Home Rule offers Skilled Nursing Services as well as Companion/Sitter Services in North Carolina in the following countries: Catawba, Lincoln, Gaston, Burke, Iredell, McDowell, Caldwell, Alexander, Mecklenburg, Cabarrus, Stanly, Rowan, Davie, Forsyth, Buncombe, Watauga, Wilkes, Yadkin, Avery, and Cleveland Counties.
A primary difference is that Home Rule families have the ability to reach out to nurses within our organization directly and create and manage their own schedules, with assistance from our caring and friendly staff whenever desired or necessary. Home Rule gives you ALL the tools you need to manage your loved ones’ care schedule, to choose your own nurses from within our staff who best meet your needs. Home Rule helps assist and facilitate twenty-four hours a day.
1-828-679-1289
25 1st Street NE, Suite 103
Hickory, NC 28601
From June 8, 2019 on American Family Radio, this episode features an important safety/fraud tip ...along with moving calls such as Paul- who is dying of cancer and wants to better care for his wife through this process.
There's nothing quite like having a faucet on a bathtub break ...at 10:45 PM and watching hot water pouring uncontrollably.
Such was the case at my house the other night. Yet, it turned out to be a memorable experience in another way ...when the plumber who arrived model and amazing attitude and care.
That's why I'm a member of the Happy Hiller Club!
As caregivers, we need to lighten up ...it's just a fact. We often daily see serious, painful, and heartbreaking things, and we certainly cry enough tears ...but do we laugh? Sadly, many of us don't ...and won't without a bit of help.
I've always loved stand up comics, and one of my favorites is Jeff Allen. From the moment I heard his voice, delivery, and act ...I was hooked! He's on a new tour right now ...and I highly recommend you catching his show at a venue near you!
Jeff called the show, shared his story and his philosophy of humor and life!
As caregivers, we serve ourselves well to not wait for a "accidental" laugh, but to intentionally engage in things that can lighten our hearts. For me, it's stand up comics, funny movies, books, and shows. Along the way, those regular moments of laughter help me better shift the challenges I face so that they don't seem so crushing at times.
This doesn't just apply to me, however. Gracie loves to laugh ...and I love making her laugh.
How about you?
During dark and difficult times, my pastor stood by me and my family. Shepherding us, he helped us work tough things, heal, and take on new roles such as this radio show. Jim Bachmann's ministry in our lives helped us launch Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach in West Africa as well as our family caregiver outreach.
Jim reflects on his nearly forty years as a minister and things he learned about caring for the suffering and brokenhearted. Jim is the senior pastor of Stephens Valley Church https://www.stephensvalleychurch.com/
David from Ohio called the show with deep emotion as he struggled caring for his son who is on the autism spectrum. At thirteen, David's son is a handful ...and David broke down trying to wrap his mind around getting his son through to adulthood.
We discussed this and took the conversation into a path he didn't expect: the relationship between David and his wife ...as well as an important self-defense lesson I learned from my martial arts instructor.
As caregivers, we often live in the wreckage of our future ...and fear the worst. Yet, we're not there in the future, so we don't have to be held hostage by something that hasn't happened. in our conversation, David discovered the opportunities available to him in the "here and now" that will greatly assist him in caring for his son through difficult times that lie ahead.
How would you feel if your adult child (30+) lived at home with debilitating migraines?
Caller from Mississippi shared her frustration at her daughter's challenges ...and behaviors. From what she describes in this call, the problem has expanded to addiction and other behavior issues.
Caregivers can easily fall into the trap of enablers. Lost in what I call the FOG of caregivers (Fear Obligation Guilt), we can easily veer off the road into dangerous situations.
There is a path to safety ...but we're not going to find it alone.
That's why we have a show for family caregivers!
This episode of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER was filled with phone calls of caregiving mothers....starting with a mom of an adult child with chronic migraines who is also addicted to pain killer. We also had another mother in the last stages of caring for her son with cancer, and another single mom caring for two adult sons with autism. And the calls just kept coming.
Hope for the Caregiver is committed to pointing struggling family caregivers to safety. As caregivers, even though we often deal with heartbreaking realities, we can live a calmer, healthier ...and even more joyful life.
But we can't do it alone.
As caregivers, we know the journey is tough. We're used to that.
But it doesn't have to be crazy!
Yet the isolation of caregivers can take us down dangerous paths. HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is committed to punching through that isolation and giving caregivers a fighting chance against the craziness that can overtake us.
This clip identifies what a path to safety looks like for caregivers. Share it with your social media group, email list, pastor, and anyone else who either serves as a caregiver ...or knows a caregiver.
“How can you laugh through what you all live through!?”
Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 33 year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. (80+ operations including the amputation of both legs).
Yet, both Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts and their sense of humor.
Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 185 stations. Through his show, along with his books and speaking events, Peter address the challenges of life, business, and relationships with candor, compassion, and comedy.
Drawing upon his martial arts studies (Peter has a 2nd degree black-belt in Hapkido), Peter equips audiences to practice self-defense of the heart.
This episode is from May 5 2019. Opening with show producer, John Butler (AKA the Count of Mighty Disco) Peter takes listeners on journey through humor, compassion, and hope ...and points fellow caregivers to a place of safety.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Kenneth C. Haugk, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and pastor, is founder and Executive Director of Stephen Ministries. He is the author of Journeying through Grief, Christian Caregiving—a Way of Life, Cancer—Now What?, and many other books and courses in the areas of caring and relating, assertiveness, spiritual gifts, conflict resolution, and leadership. He received the National Samaritan Award from the Samaritan Institute for the significant contributions he has made to field of caring ministry. His ministry took on deeper significance as he cared for his wife, Joan, when she had ovarian cancer.
Stephen Ministries, an international not-for-profit Christian educational organization, provides the Stephen Series system of lay caring ministry to over 13,000 congregations and other organizations in the U.S., Canada, and 29 other countries. It has developed caring and training resources on topics such as effective relating, leadership, grief, dealing with cancer, and crisis care.
For More Information Visit: www.stephenministries.org
Peter Rosenberger is host of radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville, TN on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and You Can Avoid Them releases nationally Fall 2018.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
"For the Wounded ...and Those Who Care for Them."
"We caregivers are often one broken leg away from this thing turning into a Greek Tragedy."
Life insurance is a big part of our journey as caregivers, but what about if something happens to us that compromises our ability to serve as caregivers? Can we make that life insurance policy work for us while we serve as caregivers?
Jerry Garrett (855)-422-1522 called the show to discuss AFFORDABLE options for caregivers to provide a bit of extra peace of mind as we journey down the often hazardous path of caregiving.
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Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. He has served as caregiver for his wife, Gracie, for more than 33 years.
As a caregiver for more than 30 years through an ongoing medical nightmare, I can confidently state that I'm familiar with stress.
But what does that relentless stress do the human body? We've discussed Gracie's dramatic recovery using natural products, but what about mine. Today, Mark Harris joined me to talk about MY health. Mark is part of a group that has worked with Gracie and me for two years. Using myself as a guinea pig, I wanted to see if the products they recommended really work.
Gracie and I have both witness ( and continue to see) significant results for both of us. No miracle drugs, no overnight fix, but a steady increase of healthiness that continues through our brutal journey.
Listen to my conversation with Mark ...and then check out more at: AHealthierLifeForYou.com
Gracie and I just share what we're seeing in our lives. We live with EXTREME challenges, and we need help healing what decades have caused for both of us.
How about you? How are you feeling? How many medications are you taking? What did your last physical reveal?
Healthy Caregivers MAKE BETTER CAREGIVERS! Visit ahealthierlifeforyou.com and see what you think about a more strategic approach to YOU becoming healthier!
Joni Eareckson Tada and Gracie Rosenberger bring a powerful performance of the this classic Gaither song, Because He Lives.
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Caller from Oklahoma shares his journey as a caregiver and how he's learned to humbly approach those who suffer.
"I understand when NOT to cite Romans 8:28"
As powerful, true, and meaningful as this verse is, knowing WHEN to speak it to people in trauma is a sign of wisdom and humility as we recognize the magnitude of others' pain.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
Sponsored by Standing With Hope (click for more!)
According to every study I’ve seen, the aging and mortality rate is still locked in at 100%. Yet, with all that certainty …we caregivers often shy away from the conversation about death and what to do about the funeral. In light of that, we reached out to the National Funeral Directors Association for some help in starting the conversation.
Randy Anderson from the NFDA joined our show to discuss this challenging topic. Bringing compassion and an easy-going conversation style, sitting down with Randy is like having a cup of coffee with a friend.
Meaningful funerals don’t come without planning. We’ll plan weddings for months, but often cram planning a funeral service into a few hours. Randy recommends sitting down with a NFDA member and “…have the talk of a lifetime.”
Also, before having the conversation, visit this site for a Rememberingalife.com for an easy checklist and planning guide.
Also, for information on Randy Anderson's funeral homes in Alexandria City, AL please visit their websites. Even if your family is not in his area, check out their great sites to see what to look for in YOUR area.
- Radney Funeral Home
- Langley Funeral Home
Tammy in Tennessee called the show to share about her 25 year journey through autism with her daughter, Morgan.
Offering exceptional wisdom and tips for fellow parents as well as those in churches seeking to care for families with special needs, Tammy humbly brings a wealth of insights in this call. According to Tammy, reaching out families living with autism doesn't just involve patience with the special needs member ...but for the family members as well.
She also mentioned how wonderful her church is, and for those needing a church home in the Hendersonville TN area, she whole-heartedly recommends Hendersonville First Baptist.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
It's difficult to bear one another's burdens if we don't know them or see them. Today's show includes three core issues to watch for family caregivers.
Plus great callers including Tammy from Tennessee discussing her journey as a caregiver for her 25-year-old daughter with autism.
Tammy in Texas shared her frustration and discomfort with a caregiving situation involving her mother-in-law. Despite the family wanting to help, her sister-in-law kept tight control of the caregiving tasks, but would then find time to complain about it. The family struggled with how to get along in this situation.
To Tammy's surprise, I offered a suggestion that caught her off guard ...and renewed her passion to try this new path.
While initially frustrated at the top of the conversation, Tammy, within minutes felt excited, hopeful, and was even laughing while exclaiming about my suggestion,"I didn't expect it ...did not see it coming!"
Hope for the Caregiver is the conviction that we as caregivers (even if we're a step removed) can live a calmer, healthier ...and even more joyful life as caregivers!
Morning Pointe Senior Living and Memory Care Centers have a wonderful program that allows Caregivers to take a much needed break without a long term commitment. Maybe it's to go out of town for a special event like a wedding or graduation, but your loved one needs a safe place to stay.
- Meds? No Problem!
- Special physical needs? No Problem!
- Dietary needs? Not even close to being a problem
Lori Domer, Community Relations Director for Morning Pointe Senior Living and Memory Care Communities, called the show to discuss this great service. Visit MorningPointe.com to set up an appointment with a nurse for FREE consult that takes minutes but save you more than you can imagine.
Then, for those events requiring you to be in two places at the same time ...you have a trusted friend in Morning Pointe.
If you just a need a break for a couple of days each month, or even a week, your loved one is safe and well cared for at Morning Pointe.
Call LORI DOMER 615 482 8643 today!
On the day of her diagnosis, Carlen Maddux shared on HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER that the world he and his wife enjoyed wasn't just turned upside down, "...it imploded."
At only 50, Martha Maddux never dreamed alzheimer's disease would invade her very active and accomplished world. That doctor visit in 1997 changed everything and set Carlen's feet on a path of grief, heartbreak, discovery, faith, and healing.
In a frank conversation framed by his decades as a journalist, Carlen offers insights to those who feel "dropped off in a foreign land and feeling desperate to find their way home."
All too many caregivers live in the wreckage of our future ...and we work ourselves into all sorts of heartache over things that haven't even happened.
Such is the case with this caller, Lisa. Like so many of us, Lisa tortured herself with looking down the road and visualize what lies ahead for her as she cares for her husband.
She called crying ...but listen to the transformation. We had to go to a break, but when we returned, the conversation moved her away from despair ...and she even chuckled a bit.
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
2 Corinthians 1:4
Audio excerpt of Peter Rosenberger's book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. This chapter is titled THE DELTA DOCTRINE.
This simple directive heard on a flight "Put Your Mask on First" is the best directive for caregivers, but what does that look like?
This chapter helps caregivers change the way they think about their own needs and how they relate to a loved one.
US Senator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee called the show to discuss broadband in rural areas of Tennessee and the country. Access to broadband creates more opportunities for tele-health, education, and many other applications affecting the family caregiver.
For example, in the picture above, Senator Blackburn and I were giving an interview at the US Capitol in DC. Just prior to that interview, I used my phone to allow a phlebotomist into my home in Nashville, where she drew blood from Gracie for regular lab work.
I then secured the door behind her as she left. Gracie didn't have to put her prosthetic legs on, or answer the door in her wheelchair. Because of broadband, I could do all those things from my phone.
As caregivers, we need to incorporate as many tools as possible to help us better do our jobs without stretching ourselves so thin. Remember, one of the three "I's" every caregiver struggles with is the loss of independence. Technology and apps on our phone helps us regain that, better care for our loved ones, and even pursue new job opportunities. Check out my article about that in Newsmax.
Author, nurse, and dementia care expert, Tracey Maxfield ( www.traceymaxfield.com ), shared her very personal and difficult journey through depression. Giving warning signs and helping others - particularly caregivers - respect the stress that's on them that can take them into dark places, Tracey points to the path of safety for those suffering from depression.
What if instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help, you paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life? Well, we’re taking legal representation and making some revisions—in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage. Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who, at the same time, isn’t emptying it.
Michele Shulman of the Nathan Group called the show to share about this extraordinary resource for caregivers. Think about all the issues you run into as a caregiver such as:
- Power of Attorney
- Will/Living Will
- Filing for disability
- Disputing Medical Bills
Now, think about other issues that come up like:
- Traffic Tickets
- Business structures
- Compliance issues
Imagine the legal fees involved in those type of things. How would you like access to a top law firm to help you sort through all those and so many more issues for $24.95 per month?
Click here to sign up TODAY! www.caregiverlegal.com
On this show, we led off with Paul's exhortation about anxiety. For caregivers, this verse - while admittedly challenging - is particularly important to us in calming ourselves down in the daily grind of caregiving.
"... do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
A woman struggling with her needy husband while she cared for her mother ...posted her frustration online in a Facebook group. The "advice" she got from members ...appalled me, so I weighed in to the discussion.Nancy from Jacksonville called in response to what I told this woman ...and we had a lovely spirited discussion about it!This and more from 02/24/2019
Has the world pulled you away from God by enticing you to believe that others have the answers that will bring you happiness -- the perfect mate, financial success, a flawless body, drama-free home, and much more? God is calling you back and to seek Him, His word, and His promises that will fulfill your life -- Truth! I Seek Truth is an intimate journey that teaches the reader to study God's Word through 90 devotions. Written in first person, the devotions will encourage readers to seek and know God's Word and His Truth for their lives. Featured Scriptures will focus on truth and seeking God.
Terry Squires is a veteran author and creator of many gift products for teens and adults. She is the author/creator 20 books including the bestselling TodaysGirls.com series (Thomas Nelson) of twelve mysteries and a journal for teen girls. She also authored the Communicate Christ series (Barbour Publishing), God’s Stories-My First Thoughts, Bible Stories for Bedtime, Ancient Heroes, and the creator, a contributor, of the ONE Impact Bible (Zondervan). Her new devotional, I Seek Truth (Hachette/Worthy Publishing) will be available in February 2019.
Currently, Terry hosts the Today’s Life – Stories of Unshakable Faith television program and mentors thousands to seek God’s truth through her ministry and website, I Seek Truth. She is a BSN graduate of Valparaiso University and is a RN. Terry lives in Nashville, Tennessee and is married to Ted Squires. Together, they have four grown sons, three grandsons, and a boston terrier named, Reagan.
Tom called when he heard me reference Russ and Tori Taff's movie, "I STILL BELIEVE." He wants to refer it to a family struggling with alcoholism.
Click to listen to my interview with Tori Taff.
https://hopeforthecaregiver.podbean.com/e/tori-taff-talks-about-her-journey-with-russ-and-the-movie-i-still-believe/
Alcoholism is often referred to as "...the only disease that convinces you that you don't have it."
Our first caller, Eric, demonstrated that axiom ...perfectly. So much so, that it never registered to him how his disease affects his wife.
Amos demonstrated the importance of seeing a professional following the loss of a caregiver's loved one.
Mary needed her husband to step up ...but was afraid to tell him.
This and more from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...the show that is committed to strengthening family caregivers.
Holidays can be difficult for so many caregivers. Valentine's Day is one that brings an even deeper pain for caregivers of an impaired loved one who no longer recognizes them or can participate in the relationship.
In our show's "Caregiver Tip of the Day" segment sponsored by AARP of TN, here is a way that those caregivers can honor that special love.
A pastor called the show to talk about his mother-in-law's declining health and her spiritual condition, but the conversation quickly returned to him better caring for his wife by tackling the laundry, cooking, and cleaning.
- Washing clothes (with fabric softener, bleach or color-guard detergents) is not that complicated. Separating clothes by color doesn't require much training and practice. Folding laundry is not only a simple task—it can even be done while watching sports.
Garment manufacturers go to the trouble of placing labels in their products. Reading those labels requires little if any effort. If there is any doubt on a blouse, skirt, pants or dress belonging to your wife, put it aside and take it to the cleaners—but by all means learn how to properly wash those items at another time. Don't overfill the washer or dryer, and always clean the lint tray of the dryer before starting a new load. A dryer sheet is not only inexpensive, it's easy to toss into the dryer and helps soften the clothes, reduce wrinkles and static cling, and improves the smell of clothes.
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A short distance away, the dishwasher can be emptied and loaded with dirty dishes in only minutes, and is one of the simplest machines to operate. Simply scrape off food and so forth, and place the dishes in the washer in a way that corresponds with the shape of the rack. Glasses usually go up on top, and try to not to wedge glass material in too tight. The goal is not to win the award for the most dishes fitted inside, but to allow them to be properly cleaned. With a myriad of cleaning products, counters and appliances can be quickly (and thoroughly) cleaned, and grabbing a broom, the floor (and specifically under the cabinets) can be effectively policed and ready for mopping.
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The bathrooms and other areas of the home are just as easy to clean, and only require a commitment to serve as a good steward for the castle where one lives.
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Grocery shopping is not hard; you simply make a list. If your budget needs it, use coupons and buy generic. If you spend $500 on your first trip to the grocery store, you probably went a bit overboard. Vegetables, cooking/baking supplies, cleaning supplies, paper products, meat, dairy, juice are the main things you will buy, and most grocery stores lay those products out in an organized fashion. Familiarize yourself with what's in the pantry, cleaning supplies' closet, and under the kitchen sink—and replace what needs replacing.
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Cooking can be as joyful or as miserable as you choose for it to be. When it comes to preparing a meal, many guys opt for fast food, pizza or, at best, car-side to go from a favorite local restaurant. That's acceptable only in a pinch, but not to be bragged about like a mighty hunter who bagged a deer and brought it home draped across the shoulders.
Planning a meal requires just that: planning. Think about a favorite dish, and then make it. If you can imagine a dish, there's already a recipe online. Don't simply do steaks and potatoes with a sliver of broccoli. Make a well-balanced, heart-healthy meal. Orient yourself with the spice cabinet and the pantry, and remember where things go. Silverware has a place, and so do all the cooking utensils. Set the table properly, and after dinner—make sure the kitchen is thoroughly cleaned.
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The iron is not a mystical or enchanted appliance. It has limited settings that correspond to the label inside the garment. Adjust the settings as needed, and then place the iron on the garment and move back and forth until wrinkles disappear. Steam can be used as needed (with distilled water found on the bottled water aisle of the grocery store), but if you see smoke—you're doing it wrong. Spray starch (look in the laundry room/cabinet) is effective when ironing shirts or other cotton or cotton/blend clothing.
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Change the bed, put out clean towels, vacuum, mop and take out the trash. If your wife is taking care of her parents or working a stressful job, this is a great way to care for her. For teenagers/students living at home, don't wait to be asked—look for things to do.
With a massive number of caregivers for vulnerable loved ones, everyone will need to step up their game and pull together. If you aren't serving as a caregiver, then you can at least care for the one who is.
All too many caregivers judge themselves without mercy - all we see are our mistakes. But if we're going to judge ourselves (and I don't recommend that we do), let's at least judge ourselves fairly. That means if we berate ourselves for our performance record ...then we need to also judge ourselves by our attendance record - which is flawless. We keep showing up.
Now, once we've established that "showing up" has value, let's see if we can't work on showing up without feeling miserable.
Elizabeth Miller of HappyHealthyCaregiver.com
@HHCaregiver
Discussing her journey and her work to help family caregivers.
Also, check out the Caregiving Conference in Nov.
https://www.caregiving.com/ncc19/
From our radio show.
Features
- Caregiver Tip of the Day
- Today's Senior Moment
- The Count of Mighty Disco, John Butler
Special Guest:
Elizabeth Miller of HappyHealthyCaregiver.com
@HHCaregiver
Discussing her journey and her work to help family caregivers.
Also, check out the Caregiving Conference in Nov.
https://www.caregiving.com/ncc19/
Hope for the Caregiver broadcast February 2-2019.
Text from Peter's Blog at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From one geographical extreme to another, American state assemblies strode into the viability and quality of life issue in groundbreaking ways during January. Starting with Hawaii’s new Our Choice Our Care Act launched on January 1, 2019, medically-assisted death marched closer to being considered ‘normal.’ Before January ended, New York legislators applauded the new freedom extended to the state allowing late term abortions via the Reproductive Health Act.
A common thread weaves through the move by both states. An ambiguity, one could say an arbitrary line in the sand, presents itself through both actions regarding viability. Hawaii allows patients deemed to die within six months to end their life with medical assistance.
Who sets the date? Yet why six months? What group decided that six months is the cut off for a life to possess meaning rather than, say, seven months and thirteen days?
In New York, the health of the mother is a factor. A Virginia legislator already introduced the dialogue of health applying to mental health. New York allows non-physicians to perform abortions. Will those non-physicians assume responsibility for evaluating the mental health of the mother?
Troubling Questions About Viability These and other unsettling questions indicate a rush to an agenda rather than to medical reality. If government can designate life as ‘qualified to terminate’ if less than six months remain, when will they adjust that line? If a child is deemed unable to exist outside the womb without care at 8 months and 28 days, can that line be moved to 9 months. What about ten months?
Listen to the podcast ...and read the rest of the article.
Noise bombards us every day. From 24-hour cables news, to traffic, to our mobile devices, we are inundated with a wall of noise that seems to keep so many of us in a state of agitation. For Caregivers, taking a moment to sit quietly and settle our hearts down …seems nearly impossible …but it’s critical for us to just that.
You see, if we don’t take time for stillness …we’re going to have to make time for illness. The constant state of anxiety, stress, and sensory overload we experience as caregivers will eventually make us sick. Stress kills. The way we push back on this ….is to carve out some time where we can just be still and quiet. Prayer, meditation, or just clearing our frenetic thoughts …it all helps re-boot our minds and hearts …and allows us to be a little calmer in the caregiver storm we navigate.
Brought to you by:
Seven years ago, Standing With Hope launched a program - the only one of it's kind in the world - where inmates helped disassemble donated used prosthetic limbs in order to recycle the parts. Standing With Hope is the presenting sponsor of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Founded by Gracie and Peter Rosenberger, Standing With Hope has two program areas:
- A prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in Ghana, West Africa
- An outreach (HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER) to family caregivers ( world-wide)
CoreCivic manages and owns private prisons and detention centers around the country, and hosts many faith-based programs within those facilities. Standing With Hope is one of those programs located at the Metro Davidson County Detention Centers ( Nashville)
Chaplain Henry Davidson (Pictured with Gracie and shop manager Ms Clayton) called the show and shared the value of this and other programs in helping inmates turn their lives around. The success rate is astonishing, and the program has a far reaching impact.
Chaplain Davidson is one of my favorite people in the whole world. His passion for wounded and broken lives is evident in the first moments of meeting him. He and his wife also serve as chaplains for the Metro Nashville Police Department.
If your company is interested in working with CoreCivic to hire inmates who want to prove they can return to society, rebuild their lives, and make a positive contribution ...please click here to learn more and contact CoreCivic.
Callers to the show shared their heartache, fear, and despair in trying to serve as caregivers ...while simultaneously dealing with the trauma and ravages of a family member with addiction.
Sometimes, law enforcement is required for the safety of the caregiver ...and these women are in danger.
Sarah also called in ...and wait until you hear her story of how she made brutal choices, but kept herself safe.
Sponsored by:
Callers shared with the show (HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER) to share their struggles with resentment. All too often, caregivers find themselves in the downward and destructive spiral of resentment-not always at their loved ones. Sometimes it can be at family and friends who don't help they way the could (or should) Sometimes, it can be at medical personnel. It can be at themselves ...or at God.
Brought to you by Standing With Hope
All too many caregivers struggle with resentment. In this show, we took on the topic of resentment ...and our callers shared their stories and challenges.
Leading off with a vivid picture of my best friend and I cleaning a pig barn at age 14, we discuss how God uses suffering and challenges to clean off the gunk built up on our hearts. Ah yes, growing up in rural South Carolina provide me many opportunities for those type of life lessons!
Brought to you by:
We caregivers often find ourselves lost in the "Caregiver FOG." (Fear, Obligation, Guilt).
This caller to the show struggled with the obligation issue. One of the easiest ways to tell that is the language used: "I have to, I must, I'm supposed to, I'm stuck with it."
He wanted a checklist to help him do the minimal for his mother ...but I instead focused on the heart issues that seemed to lead him down the path of resentment.
"Addiction is a chronic disease. Where there's a chronic disease, there's a caregiver ...a caregiver in need of their own recovery." - Peter Rosenberger
Dr. Stephen Loyd, the medical director for JOURNEY PURE called the show to discuss caregivers and their loved ones battling addiction.
From his own journey through addiction to serving as Tennessee's director for Substance Abuse Services, Dr. Stephen Loyd continues to offer a lifeline to those struggling with addiction ...and to their families.
Through the radio program and podcast (HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER), we're expanding the term "caregiver" to include those with a family member struggling with addiction, alcoholism, and/or mental illness.
Listen to Dr. Loyd's discussion about this painful issue facing so many families and the efforts they are making at Journey Pure to help!
The vision of Journey Pure is:
"We aim to help patients and their families get the drug and alcohol addiction treatment they need and deserve. We do so by providing evidence-based treatments along with dual diagnosis to address co-occurring mental health issues and root out the underlying triggers causing the patient to abuse substances. Our care goes beyond addiction cessation to offer practical skills required to re-enter everyday life successfully."
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Peter Rosenberger is the host of the weekly syndicated radio program for family caregivers. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, for more than 30 years. The author of four books, including “Hope for the Caregiver.” Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, where he also serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope. Follow Peter on Twitter: @Hope4caregiver or visit: www.hopeforcaregiver.com
Tracie called the show to express her broken heart over her daughter with a drug addiction.
Addiction is a chronic disease. Where there is a chronic disease, there's a caregiver. On this call, I asked Tracie to consider a 12- step recovery program for family members of addicts and alcoholics. She referenced attending one years ago if saving her father from alcoholism and that it failed ...so she didn't pursue it with her daughter.
Helping redirect Tracie, I shared with her, ""The purpose of this [recovery program for family members] is not to save her daughter from bad choices ...it's to save HER from bad choices."
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Peter Rosenberger is the host of the weekly syndicated radio program for family caregivers. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, for more than 30 years. The author of four books, including “Hope for the Caregiver.” Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, where he also serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope. Follow Peter on Twitter: @Hope4caregiver or visit: www.hopeforcaregiver.com
A special guest, Charlene, shared her journey with her husband who lived with MS. A few years ago, someone put a copy of my book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER in her hands, and Charlene read a chapter each day. Finishing the book, she started it over and repeated the process many times. What happened after that, however, brought me to tears as she shared a powerful moment in their life together ...and beyond.
During seasons of joy and happiness, many caregivers feel the opposite. Even if attending church is possible, many feel isolated ...even on a crowded pew.
The relentless challenges facing so many caregivers often leads them to hang their heads while others jubilantly belt out hymns.
That's why HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER exists. That's why we do the show.
We speak fluent caregiver and bring a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers ...to help them catch their breath, take a knee, and develop healthier strategies to endure and even thrive in their circumstances.
Joy is available. The Gospel vividly speaks to caregivers ...even in the grim challenges they face.
Listen to this clip from the show to learn more.
Hope for the Caregiver is the national radio show hosted by Peter Rosenberger - author/speaker and 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie.
From December 2 2018.
Caregiver tip of the day: PAUSE*
Today's Senior Moment
Interview with a social worker to help provide tips when selecting a social worker.
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE
It’s simply too easy to become lost as the person pushing the wheelchair. We’re become the one standing in the hospital room corner, the one doing laundry or meals, etc. How can we talk about our own broken hearts or weariness when our loved ones have such drastic illnesses or challenges? Too many caregivers feel guilty for saying anything construed as complaining or wanting a break. After all, the suffering loved one doesn’t get a break from pain/disease/ disability. But our injuries and wounds, whether physical or emotional, require attention—regardless of how they compare to others.
Caregivers often spend a great deal of time at doctors' offices, but it's for someone else ...not themselves. One of the 7 Caregiver Landmines is failing to see your own physician as a caregiver. If you're not healthy ...what happens to your loved one?
Bill called the show to share his struggles with his alcoholic father ...who's now had a fall and requires care.
One of the things we do on the show is educate that alcoholism is a chronic disease - and where there's a chronic disease, there's a caregiver who needs help.
"Not Drinking" doesn't make things better, it's a recovery process for every individual in that alcoholic's /addict's orbit. The closer you are, the more recovery is needed.
www.Al-Anon.org
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Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville, Tennessee, on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book is “7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.” Follow @hope4caregiver.
Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio 11/17/2018.
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Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville, Tennessee, on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book is “7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.” Follow @hope4caregiver.
From Sunday, November 11, 2018.
Caregiver tip of the day: "Own Your Mistakes"
Today's Senior Moment: "Stay on Message"
Dealing with holiday stress: Special Guest Jackie Shepherd.
Author of Silent Takeover, How the Body Hijacks the Mind, Jackie Sheppard called the show to discuss the impact of the holidays, sugar, and stress on the body ...and how caregivers can fight back.
With a lifetime of study to understand the way our bodies and mind are affected by what we eat, Jackie brings common sense wisdom to offer caregivers ...and others .... a path towards healthiness.
Email her today for further questions. gettingstrongnow@outlook.com
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Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville, TN on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them released nationally Fall 2018. @hope4caregiver facebook.com/hopeforthecaregiver
Brought to you by:
On this show, we delved into the sticky area that plagues so many caregivers: Resentment
7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them
is NOW AVAILABLE!!!!!
Joni Eareckson Tada called the show to discuss Senate Bill 693 and its implications on the disabled and elderly. Gracie joined Joni for this interview and the two women shared their powerful testimonies of facing a combined 85+years of suffering and severe disabilities. They both struggled with wanting to end their lives when originally facing a lifetime of challenges. Intercepting those horrific feelings and difficulties, key friends and family spoke life to both young women (they were both 17-years-old when they had their accidents. ).
Joni expressed concern when she stated, “Our problem (Gracie’s and Joni’s) was not that our injuries were life-threatening. Our problem was depression. Discouragement."
Gracie asked of this bill and those who would implement it, “Are you going to provide them hope—or are you going to provide them drugs to slowly, stealthily euthanize them?”
Adding further, Joni stated, “The new language in this bill does not require hospice patients to be terminally ill to receive life-ending drugs—lethal doses of medication. And that is entirely new for our country. All of the rest of the physician assisted suicide bills across the United States require a person to be terminally ill. But here, in Senate bill 693, you don’t have to be terminally ill to receive a lethal dose of medication. You can just be disabled. You just be too old. You could be just too depressed. And this is what alarms those of us who work against elder abuse and [work in] disability advocacy. We want to clear up that language. We want to make certain this bill does not pass. Let’s get rid of the fraud and waste and abuse in the Medicare system and in the federal hospice program before we pour, ‘…good money after bad.’”
To contact Senators about this bill, click here to see the committee members.
https://www.help.senate.gov/about/members
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Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville, Tennessee, on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book is “7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.” Follow @hope4caregiver.
As caregivers, we often miss the simple things we can do that will improve our lives. While our circumstances may seem overwhelming, the way we push back doesn't have to be.
Such is the case with Henry. When his wife called the show and talked about her full-time caregiver, (her husband, Henry), I asked her to put him on the phone.
Henry shared his weariness, so we delved into some basic things. Turns out, Henry takes a pill to sleep at night. Yet, he drinks Sweet Tea into the evening.
Sometimes, it's being willing to look at the simple things.
Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers.
www.russtaff.com
https://www.fathomevents.com/events/russ-taff-i-still-believe
Tori Taff's journey with Gospel Music icon, Russ Taff, started more than forty-two years ago. Behind the music and songs that garnered Russ six GRAMMY’s and 18 Dove Awards, a terrible struggle waged in Russ’ life. As Tori relates, Russ was a sitting duck for alcoholism. Growing up in home filled with violence and alcohol ...all kept secret...Russ’ journey into the darkness had deep roots. Alcoholism is a chronic disease. There’s no cure, but there is a recovery. Where there’s a chronic disease, there’s a caregiver. Tori shares her story of coming to grips with the reality of alcoholism...and with grace and strength, she clearly points others to a place of safety. The new documentary of their life is titled I STILL BELIEVE In theaters: OCTOBER 30 2018: I STILL BELIEVE
“I would encourage someone to NOT waste time beating themselves up. to not waste energy on trying to figure out a way to make the addict to stop using …because that is not your job. And it is crazy making. You do have to take care of yourself first and foremost. And that’s not in a silly ‘go to a day-spa way.’ That is survival."
And surrounding yourself with people who understand …and SAFE people. People that you can say, ‘this is going on in my life’ …and they’re not going to running to five other people that have coffee with them and share the latest. That’s why the program [Al-Anon] …the ‘anonymous’ programs take that very seriously …and there’s a very good reason.” -Tori Taff
Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book, “7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them” releases nationally Fall 2018. @hope4caregiver
"Take IT home and just love it."
When their son, Jonah, was born with severe disabilities in the 1970's, a physician said these horrific words to Rob and Merrill Galbraith. Stunned, enraged, heartbroken, and desperately alone, they struggled along the path of isolation so familiar to caregivers.
Rob, a veteran Nashville producer, songwriter, and player (Ronnie Milsap, Kenny Rogers, The Bacon Brothers to name a few) returned to the show to share insights he learned from a tough journey that spanned 34 years until their son's death.
Also returning to the show was Greg Tornquist and his son, Aaron (40). Aaron lives with Down's syndrome, and Greg and Aaron helped us bring attention to October's Down's Syndrome Awareness Month, as well as insights Greg learned from his 40 years as a caregiver for a special needs child.
Aaron is an ETA - and Elvis Tribute Artist, and he rocked the 1956 Elvis with this attire!
Friends for more than thirty years, we sat around the desk and swapped stories and poignant moments from our combined 100+ years of caregiving. We also shared a few laughs that come freely now with perspective.
Author, speaker, and 30+year caregiver, Peter Rosenberger, hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER heard weekly on more than 200 stations.
Sponsored by Standing With Hope
Kim from Michigan called the show to express her frustration with her mother, the lack of help from her siblings, and her struggle with alcoholism.
When the love of your life gets a terrible diagnosis, how do you handle it? What do you do?
Dennis Kurttila and his daughter, Lacey, joined the show to share their family's journey into early diagnosis of Alzheimer's. They share their music....as well as what they learned about themselves, love, and God, and how it's shaped their music and their lives. Contact them at dkurttila at aol.com
From 9-29-2018.
We opened the discussion to talk about feeling obligated and guilty when dealing with someone with an impairment. When I stated, "'Honor your father and mother...' doesn't mean honoring Alzheimer's or any other impairment," it really struck a nerve.
Listen to the callers ...and see how we helped them move to a safer place and become healthier caregivers.
For Books/Music Click here
From Saturday, September 22, 2018 on American Family Radio.
Topic: Caregivers and Fear.
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER Sept 9 2018
Features:
Caregiver Tip of the Day
Today's Senior Moment
Callers
and ...the Count of Mighty Disco himself, show producer John Butler!
"Caregiving is like going to war; every day we fight to keep our loved ones safe and supported with dignity. Like a warrior, caregivers are fearless, courageous, and passionate about protecting those they care for."
-Susanne White, www.caregiverwarrior.com
Susanne called HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER and shared her journey, insights, and passion for strengthening fellow caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Who secures the firearms of the vast number of American gun owners living with Alzheimer's, dementia, mental illness, or substance impairments?
All too many caregivers either don't know about the guns or don't know how to properly safety and secure them. This is where pastors can be a real help to those individuals and their families. For every pastor, please ask those in your congregation who serve as caregivers of a loved one with a mental impairment., "Are there firearms in the home ...and if so, are they secured?"
That simple question can prevent indescribable pain. There are so many active and retired military, law enforcement, and experts with firearms who would welcome the opportunity to help properly safety and secure weapons for those caring for impaired loved ones.
Oh ...by the way ...it costs nothing to do this.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wifeGracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author ofHope for the Caregiverand hisradio show for family caregiversis syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Peter Rosenberger An exceptional voice of experience—for an unprecedented need. A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey. His weekly show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is syndicated on more than 200 stations.
The Self-Defense of Caregivers An accomplished martial artist, Peter recently earned a 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido. The martial art provides many self-defense life lessons that Peter incorporates into his show and speaking. In addition, Peter is the author of several books including, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVERand 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. A pianist for fifty years, Peter recently released his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
Author/Speaker Jackie Shepherd call Hope for the Caregiver to share her journey in taking control of her body and health. She also drew on her decades of experience to offer cautionary tips regarding health products and nutriceuticals.
Jackie's book, Silent Takeover: How the Body Hijacks the Mind , reflects he 50 year mission to understand the body's influence over the mind.
A year ago, I sat down with Jackie and we discussed my own health journey. For more than a year, I followed Jackie's counsel and particpated in her program. At 55, I now take no prescriptions and my blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglycerides have all lowered.
I can only speak for myself, but Jackie's exhaustive work convinced me that to step up my game. One of the big pushes we have on HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is for family caregivers to agressively take control of their own health. Jackie provides strong leadership and practical help towards healthiness ...and Healthy Caregivers, make BETTER Caregivers.
Contact Jackie directly: Email gettingstrongnow@outlook.com
Here's information on Jackie's book:
Do you feel like depression, anxiety, or addiction have hijacked your life? Mental and emotional disorders impact every part of society—and disrupt life for even the most spiritually devout, intelligent and respected people. Unfortunately, many who suffer from these devastating disorders seek healing through costly, and sometimes harmful, counseling and medications—measures which may bring temporary relief but do not fully correct the underlying problem.
Jacquelyn Sheppard exposes the vital connection between your body, mind, and spirit—and gives you practical tools to:
- understand the connection between your mind and body and discover root causes for such illnesses as depression, addiction, bipolar disorder, OCD, and others.
- identify the life cycles of each disorder —prenatal, childhood, adolescence and adulthood— so you can overcome each cycle using the right tools.
- gain practical “know-how” to effectively combat these disorders through life-giving steps of health transformation.
Silent Takeover delivers ancient wisdom, accessible science, simple nutrition, and life experience while providing a clear blueprint to help you pioneer a new life.
Peter Rosenberger An exceptional voice of experience—for an unprecedented need. A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey. His weekly show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is syndicated on more than 200 stations.
The Self-Defense of Caregivers An accomplished martial artist, Peter recently earned a 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido. The martial art provides many self-defense life lessons that Peter incorporates into his show and speaking. In addition, Peter is the author of several books including, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVERand 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. A pianist for fifty years, Peter recently released his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
"That discretion of knowing when to act, speak, and be still ...it comes with time and practice. But it's an important part of our journey of becoming healthy caregivers ...and healthy caregivers, make better caregivers."
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE with Peter Rosenberger
Struggling with her husband’s significant medical issues, a woman I know was worn paper-thin, only to have her car break down. In addition to all the other burdens she carries, transportation has now soared to the top of the list. Finally working up the courage to ask someone in her church for help, her plea was met with compassion, an offer to pray—and an offer to bring a meal.
Awkwardly, she replied, “I really want your prayer, and I appreciate the thought of the meal …but I really need the car fixed!
For caregiver, it’s takes courage to ask for the specific need. There’s always that fear of being rejected and feeling ashamed. There is no shame having a need. Asking for help is a sign of wisdom. For non-caregivers, be sensitive to that caregiving wife particularly.
Let’s be a little more insightful and ask specially about the car, the appliances, the home. Remember, you can’t drive a Tuna-Casserole to Work. Praying —and meals for folks who suffer and those who care for them— is wonderful but dig deeper to see if you can do more than be a tuna-noodle helper.
All too many caregivers easily fall into the trap and lifestyle of enabling a loved one. One of the reasons we do so is because we lose our identity along the way. Read the blog post about this at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Larry called in to the show and, while it started out as a caregiver related call, it quickly morphed into a teachable moment of enabling.
A couple of the telling phrases you will hear are:
- "No one understands"
- "Everyone else is saying the same thing, but ...."
- "I've explained this to so many ..."
- "I can't ..."
From Sunday, July 22 2018, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is the weekly radio program hosted by author, speaker, and 30+year caregiver, Peter Rosenberger
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
Sponsored by Standing With Hope
From the DELTA DOCTRINE to a caller struggling as an enabler, this episdoe of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER takes on the tough issues facing family caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wifeGracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author ofHope for the Caregiverand his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Each month on Hope for the Caregiver, author and dementia care expert, Tracey Maxfield, offers insights into the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia. From eating issues to going into public, Tracey brings a wealth of exprience and practical help to weary and frustrated caregivers.
In this interview, Tracey offers tips to help calm an agistated loved one with dementia.
"Agitation is an expression of an unmet need." -Tracey Maxfield
- Stay calm. An agitated loved one with dementia will react to the energy of the caregiver
- Offer Reassurance
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Play detective
- Scan the environment for distressing events or things
- Noises
- Animals
- Other environmental distress inducers
- Scan the environment for distressing events or things
-
Scan your loved one for distressing events or things
- Shoes too tight or on the wrong feet
- Injured/Bee Sting, etc.
- Need to use the restroom
- Hungry
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Our inaugural show on American Family Radio.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
While millions have heard his tenor voice as a member of the Oak Ridge Boys, fewer know the back story of Joe's deep love for his country. Watching his father struggle as a result of horrific wounds sustained in WWII, Joe's family experienced first hand what war can do to an individual ...and those who loved that wounded warrior.
In his book, GI Joe and Lillie, Joe presents an unvarnished story of love, loss, pain, suffering, and patriotism. He took time to call us and share his heart and experiences as a caregiving family member of a wounded warrior. www.josephsbonsall.com
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
One of the more frustrating things facing caregivers of dementia patients is "Sundowning."
For many caregivers and their oved ones with dementia, the day seems to be going along with minimal bumps ...until evening and then it all falls apart. Raging, swearing, arguing, and exacerbated symptoms overtake seem to overtake everyone involved.
Why?
Dementia Care Expert Tracey Maxfield called HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER to share some tips. An expert in caring for dementia patients for more than 35 years, Tracey has now become a regular contributor to the show. www.traceymaxfield.com
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and hisradio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Peter Rosenberger's nationally syndicated radio program for family caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. www.standingwithhope.com
Summer means excessive heat, and we're all vulnerable to dehydration. In our regular feature TODAY'S SENIOR MOMENT, we have the simple reminder to Drink. After a buddy of mine in South Carolina spent the night in the hospital from dehydration two weeks ago, I was once again reminded of how important it is for us to avoid sweet tea and sodas and reach for water instead.
While it sounds obvious, many tend to overlook the obvious ...especially at risk loved ones.
So, Drink up!
Brought to you by
A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey. Peter’s radio show for family caregivers airs each Sunday at 3PM CDT, and is syndicated through Salem Radio Network. In addition, he launches a special version of the show for American Family Radio in July 2018. His shows, along with the feature YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE, will air on more than 200 stations.
An accomplished martial artist, Peter recently earned a 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido. The martial art provides many self-defense life lessons that Peter incorporates into his show and speaking.
Furthermore, Peter is an accomplished pianist and recently released his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
The challenges of dementia don't simply stop at forgetfulness. Virtually every area of a dementia patient's life feels the impact of this heartbreaking condition—including eating. Due to dementia, mealtimes that once served as a time of fellowship for families, instead become flash points for frustration and heartache.
Each month on my show, Hope for the Caregiver, I invite dementia care expert, Tracey Maxfield, BSN, to call in from British Columbia and share tips with our audience. We recently tackled the challenging issue of eating that so many families caring for a loved one with dementia face.
As a rule, I am intrigued by any political figure serving as a caregiver. Joseph Williams, however, caught my eye more than most. He's the husband of a wife who lives with a disability as a result of a car accident, and they're the parents of two boys.
Since I am the husband of a wife with severe disabilities from a car accident, and WE are the parents of two boys (I should say two grown men now!), Joseph and Palmer Williams story connected powerfully with me.
THEN ...I had the privilege of talking with him on my show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, and listen to him share his story and passion to serve.
We need more caregivers in political office to help advocate for families with special needs and challenges. I am glad Joseph is running for office, and I hope his story inspires others to do the same!
Joseph Williams, a native Tennessean, is an attorney and founding partner of The Peacefield Group, a legal and policy consulting firm in Nashville. Prior to founding The Peacefield Group, he practiced law at the American Center for Law & Justice, advising national and international clients. His practice focuses on upholding the Constitution and keeping all levels of government accountable to the people. He has written extensively on issues of educational equity and on the dignity and rights of people with developmental disabilities, drawing poignant insights from the life of his sister, Mary.
Before beginning his legal career, Joseph taught U.S. history and civics at Whites Creek High School in Nashville. As an undergraduate at Vanderbilt University, he was elected Student Body President. As a Vanderbilt Law School student, he led the Federalist Society and Christian Legal Society.
Active in advocating for quality school options for all students, Joseph serves as the Chairman of the Board at STRIVE Collegiate Academy. He and his wife, Palmer, live with their two young sons in Crieve Hall, and teach Sunday School at Redemption City Church, where he serves as an elder.
Peter Rosenberger is a thirty-year caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe physical disabilities. He is the author of Hope for the Caregiver and his radio show for family caregivers is syndicated on more than 200 stations across the country. @hope4caregiver
Show Features:
Caregiver Tip of the Day: "Protect Your Treasure"
Today's Senior Moment: "What's the Next Action Step"
Monologue: Caregivers and Medically Assisted Death.
Standing With Hope
Jeff Foxworthy called the show and we riffed on a few, "YOU MIGHT BE A CAREGIVER IF ..." Jokes.
Take a listen and see if any resonate with you!
Every caregiver struggles with asking for help—usually due to at least one of the following reasons:
- Guilt
- Embarrassment
- Shame
- Not knowing what help looks like
- Being afraid of asking for help ...and being refused
- Being afraid of asking for help and the person doing it wrong—creating a bigger mess
- Being afraid of the person helping for a season and then simply quitting
Regardless of why we won’t ask for help, it doesn’t negate the fact that we need help.
Cal Turner, Jr. retired CEO of Dollar General, sat in on the show with us and talked about the skill of learning to delegate.
"To delegate is to be a great leader, and it's one of the real test of you ...or anyone as a leader: how well you delegate." Cal Turner, Jr.
Cal went on to say, "You don't always do it right, but you're always learning from doing it."
As a caregiver, how can you delegate something ...even a small thing ...today?
Cal Turner Jr., retired CEO of Dollar General, joined me in the studio live on June 3, 2018 to discuss his new book, My Father's Business.
In this powerful interview on HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, Cal takes caregivers on a journey of unpacking Stewardship. Delegation. entrepreneurship and Leadership ...all in the context of being about our Father's business—whether in the business world or serving as a family caregiver.
"The heart is often a better problem solver than the mind." - Cal Turner, Jr.
From the YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE Series by author/radio host and 30-year family caregiver, Peter Rosenberger. Brought to you by Medi-Share 855-25-SHARE
Much of the heartache I’ve endured as a caregiver is a result my unwillingness to accept things as they are. A friend once told me that acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. I may not agree with or like what I carry, witness, or endure, but I can accept that it is what it is …and be calmer while enduring it. That doesn’t mean it’s fatalistic; it’s just realistic.
My wife helped teach me this when she lost both of her legs. She didn’t like being a double-amputee, but it became her new reality. And striving against it or wishing something different wasn’t going to bring back her legs.
As caregivers, we can accept things without agreeing with them. In the process, we can live a little more peaceful with the often-chaotic events in our lives.
As caregivers, we have to sleep in uncomfortable places. The sofa, a chair, the floor ...and all of those could be in a hospital. I recently saw these pillows stacked up on a dirty laundry container in the ICU of a hospital.
I'm sure that they will all receive clean pillow cases, but tell me how you feel about that picture. Do you want to sleep on one of those? Do you want your loved one to sleep on one of those?
We'd love to bring our own pillows from home, but hospitals have lots of things that can get on your pillow. If only there was a wonderful pillow that you could WASH and DRY ...without it losing it's shape.
Peter and Mike Lindell, founder of MyPillow.com
Well ...there is. MyPillow.com. 800-946-2379
- 10 year warranty/guaranteed not to go flat
- 60 day money back guarantee
- Patented interlocking fill that adjusts to your individual sleep needs
- Washable/dryable
- USA/Minnesota made
ENTER Promo Code: CAREGIVER and get 50% off the four pack which includes two travel anywhere pillows.
My interview with author/speaker Kathy Howard discussing her new book: 30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents.
Kathy has been teaching the Bible since she fell in love with God’s Word almost 30 years ago. She speaks regularly at women’s retreats and events across the United States and internationally. The author of seven books, including five Bible studies, Kathy writes to have something to do while she eats chocolate and drinks coffee. She has a Masters in Christian Education and a certificate in women’s ministry from the Canadian Southern Baptist Seminary.
Show content:
-
Caregiver Tip of the Day
-
Today's Senior Moment
-
Kathy Howard: Author of 30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents
Author and dementia care expert, Tracey Maxfield RN, joined us for her regular monthly feature. In this segment, she discussed dementia patients and the ICU and/or Emergency Room.
Bringing practical tips and insights, Tracey helps caregivers of loved ones suffering dementia anticpate and avoid potential problems and issues that the disorienting world of medical facilities can have on patients with dementia.
Today's Show:
- Caregiver Tip of the Day: Respond Don't Anticpate
- Today's Senior Moment" Have regular conversations about drug interactions
- Tracey Maxfield, RN discussing Dementia Care Paitents and the ER/ICU
- May 13 2018 Show
- Caregiver Tip of the Day THE DELTA DOCTRINE
- Today's Senior Moment "TAKE PICTURES!"
- Gracie-Standing With Hope
A man who puts the Care into Intensive Care Units
From high school dropout and teenage mother to highly accomplished university professor and public intellectual, Dr. Carol M. Swain is passionate about empowering others to confidently raise their voices in the public square. She is currently running for mayor of Nashville, TN ...and she is a caregiver.
Dr. Swain called the show to share her story and heart and how her experiences have uniquely shaped her for leadership.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...syndicated nationally through the Salem Radio Network. Drawing upon his more than thirty years as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, Peter offers the voice of experience to strengthen fellow caregivers.
"As caregivers, we often have to sleep in uncomfortable places, but that doesn't mean we have to be miserable!
Start getting a good night's rest immediately by going to MY.PILLOW.com and enter promo code CAREGIVER to get 50% off the FOUR PACK (two premium bed pillows and 2 GoAnywhere Pillows)
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
- Caregiver Tip of the Day:
- See the Heart NOT THE CHART
- Today's Senior Moment
- Don’t MOVE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE.
- YOUR Calls
- Kenneth Haugk, founder of and Executive Director of Stephen Ministries.
Dementia Care expert, Tracey Maxfield, RN, discusses depression issues facing dementia patient caregivers. In a candid interview about her own pain and journey through this, and her dangerously close brush with taking her own life, Tracey helps shine a light into the darkness of depression.
We caregivers have to sleep in uncomfortable places ...but we don't have to be miserable! MY.PILLOW.com has a solution for those for those uncomfortable nights in a waiting room, in a hospital recliner, on the sofa, or in a cot by a hospital bed. Do you like taking your own pillow to a hospital? Really? I never did because I never felt I got the "Hospital out of the pillow!" But with MY.PILLOW.com, you can throw these in the washer and dryer!
Just because we're uncomfortable doesn't mean we have to be miserable. As caregivers, we need sleep ...we need rest. Do what I do, and go to MY.PILLOW.com The promo code is CAREGIVER ...and you get 50% off the four pack which includes 2 "Go anywhere" pillows ...and as caregivers, "Go Anywhere" often means the hospital!.
Go to www.mypillow.com or Call 800 946-2379 promo code: "Caregiver"
I recently ran into Mike Lindell of MyPillow.com and we discussed the need for family caregivers to have a comfortable pillow as we sleep in uncomfortable places (Hospital chairs, fold-out cots, waiting rooms, etc.).
Mike sent me a couple of pillow to try out ...and I talked about them on the air.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...a syndicated radio program for family caregivers.
Author of the NY Times best selling book, THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, Dr. Gary Chapman called the show to share tips and insights for family caregivers. As a special surprise, Singer/Songwriter Gary Chapman called in for a hilarious moment for the two men to meet.
This show features:
CAREGIVER TIP OF THE DAY: "Don't Go to Every Fight You Get A Ticket To"
Today's Senior Moment
Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
Paul Young, author of the best-selling book, THE SHACK ( now a feature film), calls the show to share insights regarding God's love for those who suffer ...and those who care for them.
A regular feature on our show HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, brought to you Morning Pointe Senior Living & Memory Care
This feature: WANDERING
Today's show:
Caregiver Tip of the Day Check Your Account/"The Count of Mighty Disco"/Today's Senior Moment: WANDERING/Interview with Paul Young, author of The Shack/www.Hopeforthecaregiver.com
From SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER, this is a live performance by Peter Rosenberger (piano) and Daniel Fisher (violin). This medley is of THE OLD RUGGED CROSS and NEAR THE CROSS.
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's broadcast on March 25, 2018
Caregiver Tip of the Day: "Don't Believe Everything You Think!"
Today's Senior Moment
Special Standing With Hope Segment
A Caregiver Message During Easter
Dr. Daniel Claassen is an Associate Professor of Neurology at Vanderbilt University and a neurologist specializing in the care of patients with neurodegenerative disorders, with particular interest in patients with cognitive dysfunction and movement disorders. He earned his medical degree from the Medical College of Georgia and completed his Neurology residency training at the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN and postdoctoral training at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, VA. He is a past recipient of the American Academy of Neurology clinical research training grant. Dr. Claassen’s research focuses on understanding brain-behavior relationships in the context of the diagnosis and treatment of neurodegenerative disease.
HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER hosted by Peter Rosenberger. Airs LIVE Nationally On Sundays at 3 PM (Central) HOPEFORTHECAREGIVER.com
Author and Dementia Care expert, Tracey Maxfield, RN, called the show to answer the question MANY families have about an aging loved one: Do They Have Dementia?
Losing your car keys doesn't mean you have dementia (I AM SO GLAD FOR THAT!!!), but the ability to manage money, and other higher brain activities may indicate a problem. Tracey brings her 35 years of experience to bear on this tough issue. The author of the soon to be released book ESCAPING THE RABBIT HOLE, offers a wealth of guidance for families struggling with a loved one with dementia.
Email Tracey infirmier @ Outlook.com
About Peter Rosenberger A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the journey of a caregiver as few do. His experience led to him to author four books including Hope for the Caregiver, and 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.
Peter Rosenberger’s radio show for family caregivers airs each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. In addition, the show is also syndicated through the Truth Network.
A 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido, Peter is also an accomplished pianist. He recently released his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
"Caregiver Tip of the Day": BREATHE
"Today's Senior Moment" : Repetitive Talking
Caller from NORFOLK: Treating Them Like A Child
Dementia Care Expert: TRACEY MAXFIELD
"A Time to Dance"
Can you have a sense of humor while serving as a family caregiver? Not only CAN you, but a sense of humor serves as a huge asset to caregivers ...even in the most challenging of situations. It doesn't mean you laugh at everything, but it means you are making peace with the circumstances you're faced with ...and allowing yourself to live and enjoy life while shouldering harsh realities.
We share some stories on this episode from the March 11 2018 show that are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and let you know that it's OK to laugh ...and humor can help heal.
This show contains:
• The Count of Mighty Disco• Caregiver Tip of The Day: Fight What's Closest• Today's Senior Moment from Morning Pointe Memory Care and Senior Living
• Listener Calls• Standing With Hope
www.hopeforthecaregiver.com
"We are going to put this emphasis on getting broadband into these unserved rural areas because you’re not going to have economic development or 21st century health care or expanded education opportunities or workforce and jobs retraining without it,” said Blackburn, chairwoman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee’s Subcommittee on Communications and Technology. USA TODAY 1/11/2018
Marsha Blackburn (R) TN called the show to discuss the impact and potential of high-speed internet in rural area on family caregivers.
This episode features an interview with Rep. Marsha Blackburn, (R) TN.
Plus our CAREGIVER TIP OF THE DAY!
"I Still Want To Attend Church, But I'm Caring for Someone With Dementia!" When caring for someone with dementia, isolation develops as an increasing challenge for family caregivers. A number of frustrating and embarrassing mishaps can await most caregivers and their loved ones, so the seclusion increases.
Yet, pushing back against that isolation benefits not only the caregiver, but the loved one with dementia as well. Churches and places of worship provide great comfort, strength, and community to a family living with a member suffering from dementia. Attending those places for a long as possible helps both the caregiver and the loved one with dementia.
Dementia Care expert, Tracey Maxfield, RN, serves as a regular contributor to the our radio show for caregivers. She recently provided several tips when taking a loved one with dementia out in public—and specifically to church.
"My mother was on the way to the abortion clinic, but someone led her to Christ, and two lives were saved!"
Kiwanis Hockett, known to thousands as "Sister Kitty," called the show today to share her amazing journey and her ministry, Fashioned In His Image.
Sister Kitty believes that there is a mandate upon us to be accessible to more women, expand our evangelistic efforts and broaden our support of the programs God has called us to facilitate. It is her goal to develop mature, well-rounded women of God, who are rooted and grounded in the Word and bearing the fruit of His Spirit. She believes that it is time for us to come forth, discover God’s original design for us and be examples to the world.
She is an author, speaker, and counselor. Ministry leaders worldwide often seek her wisdom on governance and leadership.
A person who seeks the heart of God in all she does, Kiwanis has a zest for life and a passion for excellence. She is a fervent believer in a life of holiness and truth and has a loving way of getting right to the heart of a matter. She loves people, and always looks for the good in them, striving to see them as God does.
Sister Kitty is a Nashville native. She and her husband, Bishop Horace Hockett are the proud parents of two sons, Horace II (LaTonya), and Brian (Rachel), who are also involved in the ministry, and grandparents of Olivia Grace and Briley Aiden.
About Peter Rosenberger A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the journey of a caregiver as few do. His experience led to him to author four books including Hope for the Caregiver, and 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.
Peter Rosenberger’s radio show for family caregivers airs each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. In addition, the show is also syndicated through the Truth Network.
Peter recently earned a 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido. Furthermore, Peter is also an accomplished pianist. He recently released his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
How important is prescription drug safety and protocols for your loved one living in a senior living center?
The folks at Morning Pointe understand the challenges of this issue, and joined the show to discuss the ways they implement multiple levels of checks and balances. Debbie Fields (RN) called the show ...and ...we even let her have the coveted opportunity to introduce the "Caregiver Tip of the Day!"
At least John and I think it's coveted.
From "The Caregiver Tip of The Day" segment of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Sunday's at 3 PM Central broadcast from Nashville's 1510 WLAC and heard on the Truth Network across the country, and streaming on I HEART Media.
This segment is presented by AARP TN.
For more than seven years, inmates at a Tennessee Correctional Facility administered by Core Civic have particpated in a one-of-a-kind faith-based program. They help us recycle prosthetic limbs through our ministry, Standing With Hope. The presenting sponsor of my radio show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, Standing With Hope is the vision of my wife, Gracie, and her desire to help fellow amputees in developing countries have access to quality prosthetic limbs. Check out more at www.standingwithhope.com
When The Answers We Demand Don't Appear
When struggling with loneliness and isolation, dark thoughts often grip us as caregivers. We fearfully cry out for someone to tell us what to do, where to go, or how to cope. Simply put—we demand answers. Furthermore, we want an explanation of why these difficult events are happening to us in light of a good an loving God.
Some Answers Won't Make Sense Right Now When just a toddler, our oldest son fell and lacerated his chin, and I had to hold him down while he received stitches. I’ll never forget the look of terror in his eyes and his screams. as he endured what, for him, was horrifying. He had no way to understand what was happening or how to cope. As he struggled, I avoided trying to explain things like stitches, infections, and antibiotics to a crying three-year-old, and instead gently assured him of my presence and that he would be okay. Soon, the doctor finished, and I held our son and dried his tears.
How are we any different when traveling in the often-long valley of the shadow of death? While our Heavenly Father seems to rarely give us the answers we demand, He does give us the assurance we need. The assurance of His presence and His love for us.
From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE With Peter Rosenberger
Clip from the Christmas Eve 2017 show featuring Gracie and Peter performing Silent Night.
Ale, Lynn, and FunGani Aho arrived at the studio for a special show dicussing caregivers in the Kingdom of Tonga. A missionary to Tonga, Lynn brings an exuberance and passion for the people there. She met her husband, Ale, there, and their family is addressing the needs of family caregivers in Tonga. Using recordings of our show, my books, and blog posts, Lynn is showing Tongans how to better care for themselves as they see to the needs of the most vulernable members of their society.
About Peter Rosenberger A thirty-year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the journey of a caregiver as few do. His experience led to him to author four books including Hope for the Caregiver, and 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. Peter Rosenberger’s radio show for family caregivers airs each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. In addition, the show is also syndicated through the Truth Network. Peter recently earned a 2nd Dan (degree) black-belt in Hapkido. Furthermore, Peter is also an accomplished pianist. He recently release his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver. Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, TN, where he also serves and the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
Ale, Lynn, and FunGani Aho arrived at the studio for a special show dicussing caregivers in the Kingdom of Tonga. A missionary to Tonga, Lynn brings an exuberance and passion for the people there. She met her husband, Ale, there, and their family is addressing the needs of family caregivers in Tonga. Using recordings of our show, my books, and blog posts, Lynn is showing Tongans how to better care for themselves as they see to the needs of the most vulernable members of their society.
Although many families feel stress during Christmas, caregivers of loved ones with dementia often feel increased heartache and tension. Due to that added anxiety many feel, dementia-care specialist Tracey Maxfield called the show to offer much needed help.
On Sunday's show (12/10/201),, Tracey provided a checklist of tips learned from her 35 years as dementia care nurse.
When you're with a person with dementia, everyone keeps thinking,"Oh well, let's do this Christmas—let's do this one the best ever.' But I think what caregivers need to do is really take a step back and look at what the significance of the holiday is for them and for their loved one. Tracey shared that many caregivers tend to overdo it for Christmas because of fear it may be their last one with their loved ones. Instead of accepting that undo pressure, Tracey recommended several ideas for a calmer, but more meaningful holiday season.
For families dealing with autism, they journey is often filled with tears, fear, and bone-weary days and nights. Caregivers come from every walk of life, and while the circumstances may be different for all of us, we share a common bond of heartbreak and stress. Together, however, we can strengthen and empower each other. Babs Tierno, Executive Director of Autism TN called the show and discussed her family's journey with Autism, and how Autism TN helps other families.
Best-selling author, Joy Loverde, calls the show and discusses tips for the aging population and her new book, Who Will Take Care of Me When I'm Old?
www.elderindustry.com
I called about a routine service, but the company representative at Medi-Share suprised me by doing this.
From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE WITH PETER ROSENBERGER
Sometimes as caregivers, we look at the problems in our field of view and subsequently try to tackle all of them at once. The healthier approach is dealing with what is nearest to us. My martial arts instructor often tells me to “Fight what’s closet!” A distant opponent can wait until we deal with the obstacle directly in front of us. Difficult things may lurk on the horizon for caregivers, but fixating and fretting over them is unhealthy. Planning is appropriate, but we better serve ourselves and others by focusing on what lies within our grasp, rather than living in the wreckage of our future. Sometimes it’s as easy as just doing the next right thing …which may be taking a nap, calling a friend, or even visiting your own doctor. Look, we both know that more challenges await us, but let’s deal with today …what’s closest …and do the next… right… thing.
Your Caregiver Minute by author/radio host and 30+ year family caregiver, Peter Rosenberger.
Brought to you by Medi-Share 855-25-Share
In January 2017. I joined Medi-Share. In this clip, I detailed how I eliminated several other subscribed services that Medi-Share offers and saved a surprising amount...just by getting rid of redundant services! It's portable, sensible, and economical.
It's a Health Care Plan that has been thousands of years in the making!!!
After her husband's stroke, Kathi Koll threw herself into the role of caregiver, but realized she filled the calendar with everything but time for herself.
Kathi saw the plight of so many fellow caregivers, and decided to do something about the crushing journey that affects so many. Her husband's successful business career left Kathi with resources that she chose to use in helping fellow caregivers. Launching a foundation, Kathi became the first foundation to offer financial awards to needy caregivers to assist them in their journey.
For additional information, visit www.kathikollfoundation.com
When visiting friends in the hospital, the room adjacent to them recalled a defining caregiving moment for me from nearly thirty years ago.
AARP NC Volunteer, Helen Mack, brings her considerable experiences as an educator to discuss frauds and scams targeting seniors and how AARP is helping.
Caller to the show expresses his frustration about his father who recently had a stroke, can barely walk, but still insists on driving. We know JUST who to have him call! www.keepingUsSafe.org
In "I'll Push You," Justin Skeesuck and Patrick Gray trekked the Camino de Santiago, and explored the true meaning of friendship. These two men called the show to share this journey and insights they gleaned from the experience.
It's easy for us as caregivers to think we're singled out for mistreatment. While we often WILL be taken advantage of and treated disrespectfully, there are times when we ourselves treat others poorly. How does knowing that help us be a better caregiver? In this Caregiver Tip of the Day from my show, we unpack: "Some days we're the pigeon. Some days we're the statue."
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and Aaron Tornquist (39), along with his father Greg, joined me in the studio on our show for family caregivers. In the interview they discussed a wide variety of relationship issues, Aaron's aspirations to be an Elvis Tribute Artist, and briefly touched on Aaron's job at Chick-Fil-A. Watch and listen to the entire interview at https://caregiverswithhope.com/father-son-discuss-down-syndrome/
Former Wisconsin Governor, Martin Schreiber shares his journey as a caregiver for his wife, Elaine, through Alzheimer's in his book, "My Two Elaines."
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Peter Rosenberger is the host of the weekly syndicated radio program for family caregivers. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, for more than 30 years. The author of four books, including “Hope for the Caregiver.” Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, where he also serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope. Follow Peter on Twitter: @Hope4caregiver or visit: www.hopeforcaregiver.com
From October 1 2017.
Guests include:
Michael Gardner from Christian Care Ministry/Medi-Share
Tracey Maxfield, RN: (From Vancouver) Dementia Expert for three decades discussing "Sundowning"
for more information: www.caregiverswithhope.com
"Soul-Crushing" describes the way caregivers feel while caring for someone with dementia, particularly with "Sundowning." Expert Tracey Maxfield, RN, provides helpful tips and insights for caregivers to understand this aspect of dementia.
Medi-Share is a healthcare sharing ministry where members share each other's medical expenses. Members of Medi-Share have a God-honoring choice for their healthcare and although not insurance, Medi-Share is acceptable under the law.
https://www.medishare.com/
Today's Show:
Caregiver tip of the Day
"If you don't make it worse, it counts as a win!"
On September 17, 2017, our radio show becames the first syndicated radio show for family caregivers! Sponsored by Medi-Share and syndicated on the Truth Network, we broadcast on 13 stations in five states!
For More information visit www.caregiverswithhope.com
New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, Jane Heller, called the show to share her journey as a caregiver. Her new book bears the most hilarious title that caregivers will quickly understand: You’d Better Not Die Or I’ll Kill You: A Caregiver’s Survival Guide To Keeping You in Good Health and Good Spirits.Jane brings her wonderful wit to her harsh journey as a caregiver for her husband and her mother.
Caregivers are often put on the spot to somehow fix whatever happens to be the crisis of the day —or the hour. Some people feel free to stress the obvious, and then impatiently demand the caregiver come up with an answer.
"Give Me Solutions." Caregivers don’t need others to rehash the same problem we’ve obsessed over. Furthermore, we don't need "bystanders" to place another unreasonable request upon our shoulders. By evenly stating, "Give Me Solutions," we detach from the ownership of satisfying an onlooker's lack of understanding. Asking those individuals for solutions, and then just being quiet—gives them a moment’s pause to consider the complexity of the caregiver's world. In addition, maybe, just maybe, a moment's pause provides them with an opportunity to embrace some humility when engaging suffering. Regardless of the humility or lack thereof, a moment's pause provides caregivers with a distraction to extricate themselves from the conversation. ----more----
While we cannot change others' behavior, we can minimize contact with those who make our lives more challenging. While everyone has opinions, few have solutions. Even less have the humility to walk with you in suffering when no solutions are apparent. Asking complainers “to give me a solution” is a great way to redirect their complaining energy. A secondary benefit is that is usually sends them on their way—and out of yours.
And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. Job 2:13 About Peter Rosenberger
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver, and three additional books. An accomplished pianist, Peter recently released his new CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER. Recently earning his 2nd degree black-belt in Hapkido, Peter often incorporates self-defense principles when speaking to caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger's radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC and on the Truth Network. In addition, it is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media.
Struggling with her husband’s significant medical issues, a woman I know felt burnout and worn paper-thin. Furthermore, while trying to hold it all together, her car broke down. In addition to all the other burdens she carried, transportation soared to the top of the list. Finally working up the courage to ask someone in her church for help, a church member met her plea with compassion. “We’re going to pray for you, and I will bring you a meal!” The offer from the friend came with great sincerity and enthusiasm. Awkwardly, she replied, “I really want your prayers …I appreciate the thought of the meal …but I really need the car fixed! For caregiver, it’s takes courage to ask for the specific need. The fear of being rejected and feeling ashamed looms large for many us. Yet, there is no shame in having a need. Furthermore, caregivers asking for help is a sign of wisdom. In moments like this woman's, it's so meaningful and insightful when asked specifically about the car, the appliances, the home. Remember, "...You can’t drive a Tuna-Casserole to Work!" Praying and meals for folks who suffer, as well as for those who care for them, is wonderful, but digging deeper allows us to do more than be a tuna-noodle helper. About Peter Rosenberger
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver.
Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, broadcast Sunday’s at 3 PM CST. In addition, Peter serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
The author of four books, Peter earned 2nd dan (degree) black-belt in Hap-kido, and is an accomplished pianist. He recently release his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter Rosenberger's radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. The show is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media.
Approximately 1.7 million each year sustain a traumatic brain injury. Superstar snowboarder, Kevin Pearce, suffered one on a practice run preparing for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Kevin, along with his brother, Adam, called the show to discuss their story and their new mission.
I was on this super clear path to be a professional snowboarder, and to be one of the best in the world. —Kevin Pearce On December 31, 2009, while training for the Olympic trials in Park City, Utah, Kevin suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. Although wearing a helmet at the time, the injury left Kevin in critical condition and in a medically induced coma. His recovery—and his journey to accept his new life—was chronicled in the HBO documentary, “The Crash Reel." Kevin emerged as a passionate advocate for the prevention of brain injuries and the promotion of a brain healthy lifestyle. Along with his brother, Adam, Kevin co-founded the Love Your Brain Foundation(Loveyourbrain.com). Their mission is to prevent brain injuries, support brain injury recovery and promote brain health. Kevin is a Sports Ambassador for the National Down Syndrome Society. He credits his brother David, (born with Down syndrome), as a huge influence in his life and career. In addition, Kevin is the 2014 recipient of The Dana and Christopher Reeve Inspiration Award from Craig Hospital. Furthermore, he received The Victory Award (2011) from The National Rehabilitation Hospital in Washington, DC.
I asked Adam Pearce to share one thing he would say to a family who just experienced a traumatic brain injury. He recalled the advice given to his family by one of Kevin's physicians.
If you could think about being in the woods. Instead of thinking as if you are going to walk out of the woods—the woods become less dense. It Takes a Lot of Patience and Support "Understand that this is a long journey, and one that really takes a lot of patience and support." [In addition,] it requires the coming together of your community to support this. Because it is a long one and that's the reality of it. —Adam Pearce Adam also offered comments about the impact of Traumatic Brain Injury on family relationships.
"It definitely puts some strain on those relationships. But I think with good communications and just the right support, I think it makes those easier. But in the end, it has the ability to bring you closer to family and that loved one going through it. About Peter Rosenberger
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver.
Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, broadcast Sunday’s at 3 PM CST. In addition, Peter serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.
The author of four books, Peter earned 2nd dan (degree) black-belt in Hap-kido, and is an accomplished pianist. He recently release his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.
Peter Rosenberger's radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. The show is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media.
For more than twenty years, Elizabeth Moss, CEO of Caregivers By WholeCare, has provided exceptional care to families in Middle Tennessee. With her background as a nurse, Elizabeth understands first hand from a professional viewpoint the need. From her own journey, she understands the personal need for quality caregivers to help families in need. A champion for families facing difficulties in caring for aging parents or loved ones with special needs, Elizabeth and Caregivers By WholeCare bring a comprehensive list of services to meet the needs of any caregiving situation. From skilled care to companion care, they serve a lengthy list of families in the Middle Tennessee area —including mine.----more----
Noticing The Need Years ago while working at a residential facility, Elizabeth noticed that patients were not as engaged—to their detriment. Without proper activities and stimulation, patients' sense of purpose diminished.
There was opportunity to provide a more holistic model of care—meaning to engage the residents. To provide more activities and to stimulate them. When we're doing things we're passionate about and we enjoy, and we're stimulated and engaged, then we have purpose." —Elizabeth Moss, Caregivers By WholeCare A Comprehensive List of Services From transportation to technology, Caregivers By WholeCare provides a comprehensive list of services. They've through it through, so families in crises don't have to. For more than four years, Caregivers By WholeCare has sponsored my show, and I am most grateful. But, that gratitude isn't only for their participation in my radio show, they also help me care for Gracie.
I trust them with my life. I trust them with my wife.
"My Mind Is A Dangerous Neighborhood to Walk in Unaccompanied!" Physical Isolation is one of the most challenging issues Caregivers face, but our thoughts become isolated, as well. In those lonely moments, our minds can play tricks on us, and take us down dark roads. Like a pilot flying through clouds without looking at instruments, we can quickly become disoriented. In those moments, we need external input ...an emotional GPS, if you will ...to help us regain our heading and proceed safely. We don't need to believe everything we think! I don't know about you, but my mind is a dangerous neighborhood to walk in unaccompanied! The book of Proverbs tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and to not lean on our own understanding. You know why that's in there? Because we lean on our understanding!! Serving as a caregiver is simply too difficult to do alone. Don't lean on your understanding, ask for guidance and help. Don't believe everything you think!
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Caregiver Stewardship instead Obligation "I've Got To," "I need to," "I have to." These are all statements made by all caregivers at some point, and, sadly, all too frequently. The feeling of obligation drives us to push ourselves to dangerous stress levels for our health, finances, and emotional stability. The way we can push back is to recognize that we don't own the problem. We didn't cause it, and we can't fix it. We are stewards. Stewardship frees us to accept we are doing the best we can with what we have. Feeling obligated can quickly takes us into resentment, which will only compromise our ability to live healthy lives and serve as healthy caregivers. Adopting an attitude of stewardship, however, helps us breathe easier and treat ourselves with mercy—all of which equips us to be a better caregiver.
The DELTA DOCTRINE For Caregivers While flying Delta Airlines to Atlanta one day, I discovered that flight attendants state the best advice for caregivers – all day long:
“In the unlikely event of the loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Securely place your mask on first, before helping anyone next to you who may need assistance.”
That small directive, what I call “The Delta Doctrine,” contains applicable wisdom for so many life circumstances - but probably none as poignant as for those of us serving as a caregiver for a chronically ill/disabled loved one.
Compassion and love often mistakenly lead us to hold our own breath - while trying to help someone else breath, but once we make that decision, it is only a matter of time before we find ourselves gasping for air. If we are unable to breathe, how can we help anyone else?
Caregivers Performance vs. Attendance Record
All too often, Caregivers judge themselves mercilessly over their performance. With a supremely critical eye, we berate ourselves, while also allowing others to do the same. If we choose to judge ourselves, however, let's at least be fair and judge ourselves on the whole. Part of that is to fairly look at our attendance record—which is nearly perfect. We keep showing up! What is that worth to our loved ones? It is certainly worth taking a moment to acknowledge the extraordinary commitment and resolve of caregivers.
The Lost Identity of Caregivers
The loss of our own voice, our melody—our identity, is a landmine with disastrous effect. That’s why I spend so much time on this issue for my fellow caregivers. We avoid this by reclaiming our identity and acknowledging our feelings out loud. Using our own voices we can express, “I’m tired,” “I’m lonely,” “I’m scared,” “I’m angry,” or “I’m weary,” and seeking the help we need.
Caregivers can also reclaim healthy identities by cultivating trusted and appropriate relationships. In those relationships, caregivers can safely express feelings and challenges with someone who understands their needs. Not limited to just friendships, a relationship with a trained mental health counselor can help sort through issues.
In my book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them, the first landmine is Ignoring Personal Health Needs. Sadly, all too many caregiver put off preventive care services as they care for a vulnerable loved one. Dentistry care is one of those important health needs for caregivers.
It's not just about a pretty smile While a lovely smile is important for self-image, healthy gums are critical for the health of the body. For a host of reasons, people put off proper dental care, and caregivers are no exception. It not simply the caregivers dental needs that neglected. Taking loved ones with special needs or illnesses to the dentist can become traumatic events. Yet, with all that, a trip to the dentist can prevent serious and expensive issues down the road.
"Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you!" —Soupy Sales Dr. Byron Bush joined me in the studio for this show to discuss dental hygiene for caregivers and their loved ones. Practicing dentistry for three decades, Dr. Bush brings a wealth of understanding to the discussion. Furthermore, Dr. Bush is my family's dentist. Over the years, he's shown great care to Gracie and he and his staff work hard to help make dental trips easier for her. According to Dr. Bush, and from a report from the Mayo Clinic, below are only a few of the issues that can result from a lack of proper dental care.
Medical issues that gum disease can cause (Source Colgate.com) * Cardiovascular disease: In a nutshell, this means heart disease. The bacteria from inflammation of the gums and periodontal disease can enter your bloodstream. Once there, it can travel to the arteries in the heart and cause atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries). Atherosclerosis causes plaque to develop on the inner walls of arteries which thicken and this decreases or may block blood flow through the body. This can cause an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. The inner lining of the heart can also become infected and inflamed—a condition known as endocarditis. * Dementia: The bacteria from gingivitis may enter the brain through either nerve channels in the head or through the bloodstream. As a result, this might even lead to the development of Alzheimer's disease. * Respiratory infections: The Journal of Periodontology warns that gum disease could cause you to get infections in your lungs, including pneumonia. (Breathing in air passing over infected gums and teeth over a period of time.) * Diabetic complications: Inflammation of the gum tissue and periodontal disease can make it harder to control your blood sugar and make your diabetes symptoms worse. Diabetes sufferers are also more susceptible to periodontal disease, making proper dental care even more important for those with this disease.
For more information, visit www.promisedental.com or call Dr. Byron Bush for all your dentistry needs at 615 401-1103
About Peter Rosenberger Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver. He recently release his new CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER.
A Caregiver's View Of the Healthcare Debate The wall of noise from Washington over the healthcare debate continues to bombard America’s senses and sensibilities. With President Obama’s plan clearly circling the drain, Democrats still seem willing to defend the indefensible. An admission of specific mistakes while offering concessions on their part appears unlikely.
Click the play button to hear the monologue from Peter's Radio Show for Family Caregivers. (Listen for Peter's hilarious Trump impersonation, as well!) While the Democrats refuse to own the problem, and instead serve as political roadblocks, the GOP shares culpability. The Republicans’ appear bent on proving that their proficiency to protest eclipses their abilities to produce results. Once again, America's seems at the mercy of political leaders who rail against a system they perpetuate.
"During the last eight years of complaining, did no Republican draft some sort of plan and stick it in a drawer in case, you know ...one day they won an election?" With equal fervor, both sides portray themselves as knowledgeable about healthcare. Yet, little seems forthcoming regarding their specific experiential qualifications of navigating a system they seek to alter or impose. In the three decades serving as my wife’s caregiver, I’ve dealt with virtually every aspect of the healthcare system. Engaging more than 80 physicians,7 insurance companies, and 12 hospitals provides ample experience navigating the system. Furthermore, medical bills soaring past $10 million developed a skill-set of resourcefulness.
OBAMACARE Forced Me to Forage For Another Plan—TWICE! When the ACA launched, my insurer of ten years phased out my plan—while offering a more expensive one. After purchasing an ACA-compliant plan (hardly “affordable”), my dismay compounded as my new group quickly left of the ACA. This left me to forage again for quality healthcare coverage. While my wife’s medical needs remained stable, I—like many caregivers—struggled with my own healthcare concerns. The immense crisis of tending to a disabled loved one’s ongoing needs has a way of consuming a caregiver’s resources and attention; consequently, caregivers often make do with the scraps.
A Simmering Issue Currently, more than 65 million Americans serve as family caregivers. In addition, the caring for the massive aging baby-boomer population is driving that number higher. According to AARP 17% of caregivers consider their own health at risk. Furthermore, 72% of caregivers don't see their own physician regularly. What happens to the patient when (not if) the health of those caregivers prohibit them from caring for their loved ones? As our country wrestles with a healthcare plan, a strong emphasis must address preventive care—with a specific targeting of caregivers. Families with special needs children require consideration, as do those caring for loved ones with traumatic brain injuries. In addition, those caring for vulnerable loved one with disability, as well as the aging are also at risk for high-stress related health issues. Those concerns, and a lifetime of experience prompts several key questions as Congress develops a plan. Whether they either fix the ACA, or repeal and replace it, the hope is that somehow, they can put aside their self-interest agendas, and focus on practical help for the people the claim to represent and serve. With the political/media acrimony and resolve to never compromise on their ideology, the outlook is bleak for our country. At one time, parents used to say no to children—paving the way for those children to become adults. Children hate limits, and it's up to adults to instruct and lead until they can put limits on themselves. When adults fail, children fail more. The same principle applies to an entitlement driven society.
Is it Sensible? A healthcare plan requires a healthy dose of common sense. If people make unhealthy choices, why must their consequences be dispersed to others? Rather than compensating for people’s lifestyle choices, we can refuse to reward them and, when necessary, levy consequences. At the same time, there should be financial incentives toward healthier choices for subscribers. I currently subscribe to a plan that does that very thing.
The Right to Healthcare? Additionally, the American people seem also to disagree on whether healthcare is a right or not. People who voluntarily sacrificed money, time, and labor to learn skills form the medical field. Must their profession be singled out from other professions catering to the necessity? How about food production? Grocery stores? Plumbing? As a society, we have commissioned our government to subsidize health are for the poor, but to equate it as a right would ultimately mean potentially subsidizing every American, along with the training of every healthcare worker. Even taking all the wealth from the “one-percenters” would only delay the inevitable collapse. It is simply unsustainable. Must potential surgeons, nurses, lab technicians, etc, sacrifice and train for a profession that they must offer? Furthermore, how can the industry attract the best and brightest if government officials are the ones dictating the worth of their specialized skills and services?
If healthcare is a right: * Is everyone entitled to any and all medical services they desire? * Who makes that decision? * Can medical providers can only charge what the collective agrees to? * Will we get medicine at the lowest bidder? Is that a good thing? * Do surgeons who receive less compensation make better surgeons?
In vying for votes and political power, Washington seems to have corrupted the healthcare industry, and now the “bill is due.” Sensible often means sacrifice—which should look like policy-makers doing what is best for America, not for their career or party. It should look like America tightening its belt and making hard decisions.
"Pre-existing conditions are a way of life for me, and have been for three decades. I took jobs, carried two policies, and made sacrifices to cover it. Now, I'm asked to subsidize people unwilling to do the same." We either sacrifice now and accept limitations on services and amenities, or we can expect massive consequences that dwarf what we currently face.
Is Portable? The vast population of aging baby boomers means an increasing number of families are stepping up to care for elderly loved ones. If a person’s healthcare coverage isn’t portable, the “out of network” issues serve as additional burdens. Crossing state lines to purchase and use healthcare coverage should not be an issue for caregivers. A portable plan promotes competition, which always benefits consumers.
Is it easily Accessible? Healthcare coverage must provide something of value to subscribers. Forcing someone to purchase a healthcare plan that essentially only covers the person in the event of a zombie apocalypse is a smokescreen, because in reality, non-users end up paying for users. A quality plan needs to be accessible to all who desire to use it, without unreasonable barriers to coverage, and it should include a heavy focus on primary- and preventive-care services.
Will it be Reliable? Families such as mine, who have diligently planned and budgeted for healthcare coverage years in advance, are put under great duress when political agendas disrupt our best-laid strategies. We caregivers, who already live in a realm where there is little margin for error, have enough on our plates without Washington imposing its limited understanding of a caregiver’s world. It’s time to unite all the players in creating a bedrock plan—one that will garner confidence and peace of mind because of its effectiveness.
A Mess of Their Own Making The horrendous roll-out of the ACA, along with soaring medical costs, lack of access to insurance, and the exodus of trusted carriers is bad enough. Not to be outdone, the disorganization, infighting, and poor leadership within Republican ranks compounded the problems. Add partisan foolishness to the mix, and it’s easy to erosion of confidence from the American people.
Is it Economical? With America $20 trillion in debt, solid financial sense must guide the conversation. We know that unhealthy caregivers make poor caregivers. Likewise, an unhealthy country is hardly up to the task of caring for its citizens, much less those beyond its borders. Imposing an costly, ideology-driven, healthcare plan on US citizens will only result in failure. We have simply to look at the Affordable Care Act to see evidence. While the ACA incorporates some good ideas, the current model contains too many subsidy paths. With America’s debt load, how can our country sustain these subsidies? Quite simply, it cannot. For caregivers (and economies) to remain healthy, we must accept what is—and start from there. A caregiver with any longevity can testify that, while we cannot always create more resources, we can learn to be innovative and resourceful. America as a country needs a healthcare direction in which economic limitations override political agendas.
Sensible, Portable, Accessible, Reliable, Economical (SPARE) These simple guidelines can help us find our way through the quagmire, while also equipping consumers with a tool by which to measure the quality of Washington’s work. The circumstances we caregivers face each day are often grim and heartbreaking. Rather than trying to feel better about our circumstances, we must learn to be better as we endure these challenges. American history is filled with individuals who emerged to provide true leadership in the face of daunting challenges. Our national opportunity in this current healthcare crisis is to avoid the enticing trail of “feeling better.” Rather, we can choose to put our collective shoulders to the wheel and, together, become better.
Memory ...is the Diary We All Carry With Us. —Oscar Wilde
When's the last time you listened to a song, and it instantly took you back in time? Hymns, concerts, favorite TV theme songs can all instantly engage our hearts and transport us. Thanks to Music & Memory, the power of music to inspire, move, and connect with listeners has taken a new step.
"I want a new drug!' Huey Lewis and the News Using customized playlists, music engages those struggling with dementia, memory loss, and other cognitive impairments. Music & Memory offers a tool that has reduced pharmaceuticals, no risk of "over-dosing," and available without a prescription! The therapeutic benefits of music provides a critical help for not only patients, but can provide a welcomed respite for exasperated caregiver.
"It's very individualized and person-centered," shares Deborah Ferris, Regional Director, Southeastern US. Appearing on my show recently, Deb explained that, "...each individual has a music fingerprint; no two are alike." In addition, she added why Music & Memory is so effective. "It's because it's about not only identifying which song, but also which artists. It has to be artist specific—just the way we all like to hear our music."
Deborah Ferris' passion for program is personal. Her own mother’s reaction to personalized music over the course of her sixteen-year Alzheimer’s journey, fuels Deborah's drive. Deborah knows first-hand what it’s like to run out of ideas and hope for any way to truly enhance someone’s quality of life. Family and caregivers are so often in need of respite and a way to create new and joyful memories. A collection of music that holds personal meaning for an individual can open up a world of benefits that are beyond imagination for everyone. Bringing a powerful testimonial, Music & Memory client, Steve McGee shared the impact on his father. Growing emotional, Steve relayed personally watching his father regain memory through using this innovative tool.
After being as skeptical as I was, it's just amazing how music can benefit the families and loved ones with Alzheimer's and dementia. Steve McGee, client Sundowning, preparing for meals, getting calmed in order to go to bed, represent just a few of the scenarios this program helps. As a pianist for nearly fifty years, I understand the power music to heal, inspire, and uplift. In addition to all that, the power of music now has a strategic use for those who may often seem unreachable. For more information, visit MusicandMemory.org
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver. In addition, Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, Broadcast Sunday's at 3 PM CST. Furthermore, the program is streamed through IHEART, and the Podcast can be accessed here.e president of Standing With Hope.
Thenon-profit ministry has two program areas: a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa, and an outreach to family caregivers.
In addition to his books, Peter also recently release his new CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Click for Books and Music from Peter Rosenberger
Did you know our branch is autism-friendly?—Regions Bank During a recent trip to my local bank, I noticed signs displayed stating the branch is autism friendly. Displaying a message so prominently indicated a story behind the campaign. With that in mind, I invited a representative from Regions Bank to appear on my show for family caregivers. Kathy Lovell manages the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) program for Regions, and she called the show from Birmingham to share the story. (Click the play button to hear the interview)
As the ADA manager, I look for ways that Regions can enhance the banking experience within the disability community. Recognizing the growing need for improving Autism awareness, because 'You don't know what you don't know' about Autism, we developed a company wide initiative aimed at better accommodating the needs of individuals on the spectrum, as well as their family members and caregivers. -Kathy Lovell According to the CDC, approximately 1 in 68 children are identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Regions incorporates special training for employees, as well as an identified "quiet area" for families. These quiet areas become havens for families in the event of an episode. Furthermore, Regions also provides "sensory packs" containing stress balls, sunglasses, and noise-cancelling earbuds.
"This goes beyond customer service, this is a gift." The fear of an episode causes many families dealing with autism to dread public places. Lights, noises, and other environmental factors can all contribute to an episode. With a trained and prepared environment, Regions clearly communicates a sensitivity to the needs of their customers. According to Mrs. Lovell, Regions isn't stopping there. From working with the hearing impaired to the visually impaired, Regions continues exploring additional ways to assist customers with disabilities and their families with innovative ways to conduct their financial business. As a result of these efforts, more individuals, and their caregivers, enjoy a smoother, safer, and friendlier banking experience.
"These initiatives support two of our core values: 'Doing what is right and making life better!'" Kathy Lovell, ADA Manager, Regions Bank For more information on Regions' accessibility programs, click here.
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver. In addition, Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, Broadcast Sunday's at 3 PM CST. Furthermore, the program is streamed through IHEART, and the Podcast can be accessed here.e president of Standing With Hope.
Thenon-profit ministry has two program areas: a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa, and an outreach to family caregivers.
In addition to his books, Peter also recently release his new CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Many caregivers nobly work to protect the dignity of their loved ones. Yet, how many discussions occur regarding the dignity of caregiver? The dignity of a caregiver is worth preserving, yet is often trampled underfoot in the course of the caregiving journey.
A demoralized caregiver is an at-risk caregiver While menial tasks of caregiving often seem to diminish dignity, it's the relationship dynamics that most affect a caregiver's heart. The countless flash points of relationship drama beat down the spirit of a caregiver. Caregivers can be reduced to bitter tears at the hurtful comments erupting from impaired loved ones. From accusations of theft or neglect, to constant belittling and criticism, a caregiver is often the recipient of barrage of dispiriting indictments. One can only listen to so much of those things before starting to inwardly accept them. Those drama moments can arise from the disease, the impairment, the poor behavior of a vulnerable loved one, or the "side-line expertise" of family and friends. Compounding those issues, caregivers frequently judge themselves—often harsher than their critics. A demoralized caregiver is an at-risk caregiver. Depression, health issues, destructive coping mechanisms, and other agonies await just around the corner for a dispirited caregiver. As the caregiver journey lengthens, healthier caregivers discover the goal changes from winning those flash point moments, to circumventing them. The avoidance of these conflict moments, however, is not from an unwillingness to confront, but rather from an awareness of the futility. It is simply not sensible to argue with a disease, nor is it wise to engage with critics who lack experience.
To withdraw from an argument may not make you the winner, but what you have saved is your own dignity and grace. —Unknown As a black-belt in the martial art of Hap-kido, I teach defensive blocks. The concept is to equip students with the ability to effectively parry a strike from an assailant. At live speaking events, I often demonstrate this by bringing up a volunteer from the audience. I also ask the audience if any of them have been assaulted by an impaired loved one in their charge. Nearly every hand shoots up when asked that question. Consistently, the audience members who've suffered verbal assaults remains unanimous. The concept of protecting our hearts mirrors the actions of protecting our bodies: keep hands (guard) up, and redirect. We learn to never give an easy target, while diverting the energy of the assailant. In Hap Kido, we acquire judgment on how much force is needed to end the altercation. Our focus is not inflicting punishment, however, but rather on preserving our safety. In the process, we realize that "any fight we walk away from, counts as a win." Granted, some situations will require us to use more force than others, and while we may walk away from a fight, that doesn't mean we didn't engage. It also doesn't mean the assailant went unscathed. It simply reflects that our safety and well being is paramount.
Don't pick up the rope! In a caregiving situation, and by extension the family drama that ensues, the same principles apply. We do not have to go every fight we are invited to attend. The key is to respond rather than react. We can also maintain our own sense of repose and not engage in the stream of discord that often comes our way. Loved ones or family and friends often want to engage us in what seems like a tug of war. While a fun team activity to play in school, there is no dignified way to end a Tug of War contest. If you lose, you end up on your face. If you win, you end up on your read. Either way, there is no graceful exit. Relationship dramas orbiting caregivers lead to relentless tug of war dramas that wear down the self esteem of a caregiver. Recovering and preserving the dignity becomes imperative to the well-being of a caregiver. Making yourself a small target, redirecting the assault, and refusing to "pick up the rope," equip caregivers with another set of tools that help strengthen the weary hearts of caregivers.
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver. Peter hosts a radio show for caregivers heard weekly on 1510 WLAC broadcast Sunday's at 3 PM CST. (Podcast as well as streamed through Iheart Radio) Peter is the president of Standing With Hope, a non-profit ministry with two program areas: a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa, and an outreach to family caregivers.
Saturday Night Live Alum, Jim Breuer, called the show for a special Father's Day episode. In our more than four years on the air, Jim's interview soared up to one of my all time favorites.
Jim Breuer remains one of today’s top entertainers and continues to win over audiences with his off-the-wall humor and lovable personality. Named one of Comedy Central’s “100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time,” Breuer is one of the most recognizable comedians in the business, known for his charismatic stage antics, dead-on impressions, and family-friendly stand-up. "I love this topic!" - Jim Breuer From Home Improvement to Saturday Night Live, Jim Breuer brings a comedy legacy to audiences across the country. Calling the show, Jim also shared his huge heart and great love of family as shared his own journey as a caregiver. Recalling introducing his father to Sylvester Stallone, Jim launched into an impression of the Rocky star that had us howling with laughter. Jim's rapid fire delivery showed no mercy to John and me as we vainly tried to catch our breath. But then just as quick, Jim opened his heart to share deeply personal and poignant events with his father.
On The Road With Dad In 2008, Breuer set out for his “Breuniversity Tour” with his 85-year-old father and a film crew. “The Jim Breuer Road Journals,” showcased what life is like on the road with a comedian and his father. Videos from that tour also sparked the making of his documentary “More Than Me,” which was shown at the 2009 Montreal Film Festival. A Family Man—A Marriage Warrior Breuer’s one-hour Comedy Central special “Let’s Clear the Air” premiered in 2009. This special contained hilarious topics that included what “success” really is, his SNL days and life with his elderly parents, his wife and his three daughters. Jim's latest special focuses on what Breuer’s life (and all of our lives) truly consist of: dealing with the elderly, becoming our parents’ caretakers, parenting teenagers, and what it takes to be a “marriage warrior.” Bats, Balls,and Breu Jim is a baseball fan, but he is a METS super-fan. The sheer joy he takes in ‘his’ team is completely infectious. Even to non-fans. Even to Yankee’s fans. But as fun, charming and watchable as Jim is, in this one way, he is not unique. These kind of fans are everywhere: they are you, your uncle, that guy from accounting who spent all his vacation time following the Cubs in the playoffs… Bats, Balls and Breu is Jim’s way to start a baseball revolution. He’s giving baseball fans a voice and a platform, because baseball belongs to all of us. Check out the new single from Peter's CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER. This original song written by Peter and veteran songwriter, Buddy Mondlock, captures the heart of a caregiver. (Download on Itunes)
Check out these additional great caregiver resources (Click on Pics) The radio show for caregivers is an outreach of Standing With Hope. For more than thirty years, Peter Rosenberger's has served as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, trough a medical nightmare. Emerging as an exceptional voice of experience for an unprecedented need, Peter draws upon wisdom earned through trial to strengthen fellow caregivers. Click here to help sponsor this show or Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach,
Since 2011, numerous inmates at a local correctional facility have volunteered to help us with our prosthetic limb recycling program. I recently took a few hours to meet with some of the newer men working there, and listened to their journeys. Once qualifying for this unique program hosted by Core-Civic (formerly known as Corrections Corporation of America.), these men disassemble used limbs donated from all over the country, in order to recycle all the usable parts (feet, pylons, knees, connectors, adapters, and even screws).
Tom serves as the current team leader in the shop. His time there is nearly over and he feels ready to rebuild his life outside of prison. In a powerful intersection of Standing With Hope’s* prosthetic limb and caregiver outreaches, Tom shared about his wife, who was an amputee, and how he served as her caregiver for many years. As you can imagine, his story connected with me.
Several years ago, Tom’s wife’s health declined significantly and Tom’s own health deteriorated, as well. He medicated his stress with substance abuse; taking him into dark places. When she passed away, Tom spiraled out of control and made choices that landed him in prison. “Peter, the stress I felt as a caregiver took me down. I simply couldn’t handle it,” he stated frankly. Clean and sober, Tom has a new outlook on life. Sitting quietly in the shop, surrounded by a table full of prosthetics in various stages of deconstruction. Tom added, “While I don’t like being locked up, I am grateful I’m here.” “If I weren’t here, I’d have crawled into a bottle and would be dead today. I was that self-destructive.”
A Prisoner ...and Yet When Tom arrived in prison, he heard about Standing With Hope’s limb recycling program, and knew it fit him perfectly. His release date is soon; one of his first tasks when he is out is to donate his wife’s prosthetic limb to our program. While Tom’s journey includes harsh experiences, he continues to face life with courage, along with a conviction that he is in a better place—even while in prison. Although incarcerated, Tom emanates a freedom that seems to elude so many who’ve never even seen the inside of a correctional facility. After praying together, I drove home from the prison with a sense of awe at the amazing, redemptive work of Christ—manifested in a workshop buried in the center of a prison.
For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners. Psalm 69:33 ESV Resin and Supplies Periodically, large amounts of acrylic resin with a harder (catalyst) require purchasing, in order for the technicians to make quality prosthetic sockets for each patient. We recycle so many parts of a prosthetic legs, but we must purchase resin. Not only do we have to purchase it, but we need to ship it, along with the parts we recycle. Because the resin is a hazardous material, it’s expensive to ship. The immediate need for purchasing and shipping the resin, along with the parts through our inmate recycling program: $6,500 . Click here to donate towards this expense.
Our Mission Both the prosthetic limb outreach AND the radio show for caregivers, reflect our desire to model 2 Corinthians 1:3-4,
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” *Permission was granted to use name, story, and photos
"My Mom has Alzheimer's and has lost 95% of her speech." Opening her heart, Liz Hernandez took a break from her TV life and shared her family's personal experiences as caregivers. Calling the show, the Access Hollywood reporter discussed caring for her mother with Alzheimer's disease. After the diagnosis, Liz didn't speak about it in public for nearly a year. "Again, the way I was brought up, it was that you handled your family's problem within your family." Liz also added, "You're on 'denial island' for a long time." When seeing the disproportionate amount of individuals affected by Alzheimer's in the Hispanic community, Liz changed her stance.
I thought, 'No, the right thing to do is to spread the message." I have to do this in honor of my mother. In addition, Liz wanted to see purpose in the heartache she and her family continue to experience.
I thought if I don't speak up, all the hurt and all the pain and anguish I have felt, it goes in vain. If I can help another family avoid some of the hardships ...please go on Alz.org. Look at the warning signs and share them with your friends. Don't just assume that it never going to happen to you. I think that was one of the most naive things I've ever done in my life—assuming that something like this wouldn't happen to my family. Liz also offered that one thing she wants to tell others struggling with this disease.
"Focus on what they still have." Sharing that she, like so many, began this journey by only thinking about the losses. As her family moved through caring for her mom, she learned to relish what remained. Check out some of the videos of Liz from her new project, WORDAFUL. Through this new YOU TUBE channel, Liz is strengthening, empowering, and inspiring others—one word at a time! You can also follow Liz on Twitter @lizhernandez
The radio show for caregivers is an outreach of Standing With Hope. Drawing upon Peter Rosenberger's more than thirty years of experience as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare, Peter has emerged as an exceptional voice of experience for an unprecedented need. To help sponsor this show or Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach, click here.
Check out these great caregiver resource (Click on Pics)
Robert J. Morgan is the teaching pastor of The Donelson Fellowship in Nashville, Tennessee, where he has served for 35 years. He is a best-selling and Gold-Medallion winning writer with more than 35 books in print and more than 4 million copies in circulation in multiple languages. He is a writer for Dr. David Jeremiah and Turning Points Magazine, and has many articles published in other leading Christian periodicals. He is also a regular contributor to The Huffington Post.
He and his wife Katrina have three daughters and fourteen grandchildren. In 2014, Rob was awarded an honorary Doctor of Divinity Degree from his alma mater, Columbia International University. Rob has appeared on numerous national television and radio shows, and he came to our studio at NewsChannel 1510 to share his own journey as a caregiver for more than 27 years for his wife who struggles with MS.
Talking about his new book, Reclaiming the Lost Art of Biblical Mediation, Robert shares his passion to better care for himself and more effectively care for his wife by meditating on scripture.
Sometimes the problem is, we listen too much to ourselves, but we don't talk to ourselves enough. A lot of my sermons are self-therapy sessions that allow other people to listen in on." -Robert Morgan For information, visit www.robertjmorgan.com
Nationally known comedian, Jeff Allen, gets serious about the challenges of caregivers. For four decades, Jeff Allen has been performing in theaters, on television and radio, and as a keynote for corporate functions and fundraisers around the world.
Jeff Allen is the best at what he does - making people laugh as hard as humanly possible. His Happy Wife, Happy Life® message of a marriage gone wrong and redeemed has given laughter and encouragement to millions of people. Jeff’s comedy drives home the humor in everyday family life and the joy derived from a healthy marriage.
He called my show to share his family's own heartbreaking experiences as caregivers. He also discussed lessons learned from the journey. Even in the difficult thing, however, Jeff demonstrates how to appreciate the funny moments—giving much needed relief that our hearts desperately need.
Now in it's fourth printing, Peter's book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is strengthening his fellow caregivers across the country. HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is written by one who truly understands the journey, Peter Rosenberger draws upon an astonishing three decades as a caregiver to offer practical advice, encouragement, compassion, and humor to fellow caregivers.
SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER The new CD from Peter Rosenberger Are you finding that car rides to and from the doctor and other appointments ...are filled with drama? Change that by downloading SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER from ITUNES.
Show Guest Shares Tips for Caregivers and Dementia Patients Sheila Welch called the show to share about a recent Caregiver conference at Due West United Methodist Church (DWUMC) in Marietta, GA.
The Coordinator of DWUMC Caregivers' Ministry and a Family Support Group Facilitator, Sheila is also a Certified Trainer for Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care. Sheila draws upon her own difficult journey as a caregiver. Her passion is to provide practical help and encouragement to fellow caregivers. In this interview she shares a bit of what she learned from educator and dementia care expert,Teepa Snow.
Here's a brief transcript from the show interview Peter: Speaking to a group in Alaska recently, I happened to ask a question, "How many of you all have been grabbed or choked by a patient or somebody you're taking care of?" And every one of them had been grabbed. And nearly every one of them had been choked. So, I spent a little bit of time showing them how to get out of grabs and chokes, and so forth. A little bit of what I've learned through marital arts. You don't think about that, but a lot of caregivers are slight women, smaller women, taking care of large men. These are frightening things. They are physically hurting these caregivers. Sheila: I lead a group of spouses who are loving a husband or wife through Alzheimer's or some related dementia. Some of those ladies are very small. Some of the husbands can become violent.
Don't Just Show Up Suddenly To Someone Living With Dementia There are actually ways to approach people who are living with dementia that are different from approaching a person who is suffering from another illness ...to help reduce the risk of some of those horrible occurrences. So many times, the person who is living with dementia is terrified when they have some come upon them and they don't even know they're there, because their vision has been impaired to a point where peripherally, they never saw you coming. So, their fight/flight mechanism triggers. They're terrified. It leaves us as caregivers so at a loss at how we should be treating them. And it leaves that person with dementia in a terrible state.
Peter:You know, we never even think about that. How horribly afraid these individuals are. And they don't see it coming. They're sitting there minding their own business, and then all of sudden someone approaches out of nowhere, according to their field of view. And they don't even know who they are! I mean, John, look how we are when someone does that to us.
Sheila: And we can think through it, Peter. We can calm ourselves down and we can think through it, because our brain is still working. The brain of someone who is living with dementia has at least two areas that are actively dying. And so, they don't have the tools to handle the situation. So it's up to us to learn how to care for them, and how to best approach them. And all of that takes a great deal education. And that's what we are trying to do at the caregivers ministry at my church.
Hit the play button above to hear the whole interview and learn tips on how to approach someone living with dementia.
Kim Campbell, wife of iconic star, Glen Cambell, joined us on the show to share her journey with Glen and Alzheimer's disease. From isolation to loss of identity ...to the challenges of a tiny woman with a large husband with dementia, Kim opened her heart and gave us a glimpse into the challenges of caring for a spouse with Alzheimer's
For more information on Kim, visit her blog at www.careliving.org
About Peter Rosenberger
Serving as a caregiver for his wife for more than thirty years through a medical nightmare has equipped Peter Rosenberger with insights, practical understanding and a deep compassion for his fellow caregivers. Emerging as a powerful voice of experience for an unprecedented need, Peter is equipping fellow caregives to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life.
For more information visit www.caregiverswithhope.com
Superstar comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, called the show to celebrate our 200th episode. Sharing his own journey as a caregiver, he also voiced his support for fellow caregivers and affirmed his love of our show.
Wrapping it up, we couldn't resit riffing on a few "YOU MIGHT BE A CAREGIVER IF ..." lines.
Showing his heart, faith, and love of others, it's easy to know why Jeff is one of the most beloved comedians of all time. For more information, visit www.jefffoxworthy.com
Dr. Michael Christie, of the Southern Joint Replacement Insitute in Nashville, called the show today to discuss their work with hips, knees, and shoulders ...as well his passion for helping provide medical care for underserved countries through the Walk Strong Foundation.
Bryan MacMurray from Disability Benefits Help called the show to discuss tips for caregivers helping their loved one secure disability benefits.
Since 2009, Disability Benefits Help has provided information to individuals who are seeking to apply for Social Security Disability benefits or have been denied after applying for Social Security disability. We inform those with disabilities about the Social Security Disability application process and help them locate an attorney or advocate who can assist them by providing contact information of an attorney or advocate who represents applicants for disability benefits before the Social Security Administration.
Disability Benefits Help326 A Street, Unit 1ABoston, MA 02210617.849.5892 (fax)help@disability-benefits-help.org
Listen to the clip by clicking above.
One of the best resources for ME ...as a caregiver, has been Reliable Mobile Labs. Like clockwork, Reliable Mobile Labs send a technician to our home to draw blood from Gracie. She has to have regular lab work, and I used to have to help her get her prosthetic legs on, drive her to the lab ...wait there ...and then fight Nashville traffic to get her home. She was exhausted ...just from all of that.
Now, Reliable Mobile Labs personnel come out early in the morning (so that the results can be coordindated with her doctor on the same day).
Often times, Gracie doesn't even wake up ...and they are done within ten minutes.
If your loved one requires regular lab work, ask your doctor if this option is available to you. It's not just for the patient ...it HELPS THE CAREGIVER!
www.reliableml.com
The Morning Pointe Foundation invites the greater Nashville, Tennessee area to a FREE community awareness event to hear Kim Campbell, wife and caregiver of country music legend Glen Campbell.
Mrs. Campbell will speak about her personal journey as an Alzheimer’s caregiver March 30 at 7 p.m., at Brentwood Baptist Church (7777 Concord Road in Brentwood, Tennessee).
Ashley Briggs, from Morning Pointe in Franklin, TN, called the show to share more about this event.
Leeza Gibbons, (Entertainment Tonight, The Celebrity Apprentice Winner-2015, NY Times best-selling author, Speaker ...and caregiver) called my show for family caregivers to share her insights learned as a caregiver —and to encourage fellow caregivers. Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver …I am Peter Rosenberger bringing you 30 years of experience to help you stay strong and healthy while you take care of someone who is not.
John, we have a great guest here with us today. She’s known all over the world from Entertainment Tonight, The Celebrity Apprentice—but for THIS show, she is a fellow caregiver, and we are thrilled to have Leeza Gibbons here with us, she’s calling in. Leeza, thank you for being on the show …welcome!
Leeza: Thank you so much, I am so happy to be here.
Peter: And, I wanted to mention …we’re both South Carolinians …and we don’t have to worry about translation, because if I happen to go off the rails here and get real “country,” Leeza will be able to understand me, John.
John: I had no idea …
Leeza: “Oh, I got Chu! I got Chu!”
John: The last guest we had on was from Boston.
Peter: And it was “wicked bad!”
[Laughing]
Peter: We are thrilled to have you here. Leeza …thank you for sharing your heart with us, and you story …and your passion to help fellow caregivers. This show is all about strengthening family caregivers; the need is great. You more than most know how difficult this journey is. Tell us a little about your journey as a caregiver.
Leeza: I went into it kicking and screaming. I was a very reluctant recruit. I think that many of us don’t willingly put the sweater on. I’m like, “Oh this doesn’t fit me; these are not my clothes.” I guess I was waiting for someone to send me a greeting card. Which, you know, it never arrives in the mail, does it”?
Peter: No [Laughing]
Leeza: “Congratulations! Welcome into the club!” It’s just never like that. I kept thinking that our culture would catch up with the need that you guys speak about so wonderfully and are so lovingly supportive of …but it’s just …we’re getting better, and the conversations are getting stronger and more powerful, but it’s just not that way. And it wasn’t that way for me.
I tended to um …I isolated, and our whole family did. When my mother got Alzheimer’s disease after being a caregiver for her mother, you would think that we had a blueprint. We didn’t. We all went to our corners and licked our wounds. I got “over-busy,” that’s where I went to hide. My brother went into denial, my sister got depressed, and my dad pretty much closed the door with a bottle of red wine. We said, “Wait a minute!”
“Wait. What can we do? What can we do? If we’re acting this way, everyone must act this way. What can we possibly add or contribute to this narrative?”
And so, we created what we wished we had, and that became Leeza’s Care Connection …and that’s our community for caregivers.
Peter: Well, and like most caregivers, we tend to learn it the hard way …it’s on the job training. There is very little blueprint. I remember a counselor once told me, he said, “Look, you know, Peter …I’d recommend a book for you to read …but you’re the guy to write it.”
And you, I’m thirty years now (plus) into this, and it is a brutal journey …I often refer to myself as the “crash-test dummy” of caregivers, ‘cause if you can fail at it …I’ve failed at it. But, in this thing, you and your family pulled together—I want to throw out a couple of things, Leeza, and get your read on it. I talk about three “I’s” that every caregiver deals with:
- We lose our independence
- We isolate
- We lose our identity
I can’t tell you over the years how many people have asked me about my wife, but I can count the ones who asked about me. And …how does that resonate with you …Those three “I’s” …Independence, Identity, and Isolation?
Leeza: Well, it’s interesting when you say, “How many have asked about me?” That’s a big one with the groups that we talk with—and was with me, too. You know, and after a while, I think if you held up the mirror, you wouldn’t even see yourself in it. You know? It would almost be like there would be no reflection there, because you get so accustomed to even feeling like you don’t exist. You know, when we talk about how imperative it is to take your oxygen first, you begin to realize in your caregiving mode …you don’t even take deep enough breaths to think that you can even fill up your heart and soul. It’s almost like you’re not even giving yourself credit for being a whole person. So, I think that’s real for almost everybody.
For me, I was working at like one quarter of what I had to offer, because I think most people would say, “What does this have to with everybody if you’re not a caregiver?”
But we know the percentage of the people who are offering care …also in the workplace. And we know that they’re not able to work at full steam. And we know that they’re coming in late and calling in sick, and not able to focus when they’re there. All of the things that are happening and how’s it affecting the bottom line across America. We know this is everybody’s problem, and we all need to care about it more. And that if we would just help that person find the “I” back again …that everybody wins! But, we sure aren’t getting there fast, are we?
Peter: No, we’re not. There are 65 + million of us. Almost half of us are in the workforce …you referenced those statistics, and they’re amazing statistics. I’ve been saying for years, “If you love someone, you’re going to be one. If you live long enough, you’re going to need one.”
In your case, when you interact with these caregivers, and all the things you do, do you find that they have a hard time speaking in first person …first person singular? So, when you ask a caregiver “How are you doing?” “Well, she just got home from the hospital last night…” or “He had a bad night…,” and they can’t speak …when they finally get them to say something in their own voice, that’s when the tears come and the stammering come. Is that pretty consistent with what you’ve seen?
Leeza: That’s very consistent. Very consistent. And when you try to tell them, “You’re doing a good job.” You know, it’s very hard for them to hear it …to get credit and validation. That’s really been the most exciting thing for me …is to, be able to turn that back around for people who offer care. I think they’re the real heroes of our culture. We’ve got all this focus on the health care system. Well, “Hello!” The caregivers are the health care system. That’s the health care system. That’s it.
John: Write that one down!
Peter: Yeah …write that one down!
John: We talk about this on the show a lot …we don’t give nearly enough credit for showing up.
Peter: Well, that’s the thing, we caregivers beat ourselves without mercy. And you talk about this a lot with Senior Helpers and the caregivers you interact with …about guilt. And we just flog ourselves. So, when you try to give some kind of affirmation, we’re so wrapped up in guilt …that we can’t. And there’s no problem so bad, that we can’t make it worse with a little bit more guilt. And so, one of the things I’m on a mission to do is help caregivers accept the fact that you don’t have to judge yourself exclusively by your job performance …you can look at your attendance. And our attendance is spot-on perfect; we show up every day …however we drag in …we still are showing up and getting the job done to the best of our abilities.
Talk about the guilt that caregivers struggle with …I know you’ve seen this, you’ve done this in your own life, and you’ve seen this with all the people that you’ve interacted with. What are some common things …and what are some things that you’re saying to it?
Leeza: Well, my mother always said to me, “Show up, do your best …let go of the rest.” You do have to get scored on the showing up and on trying. “Are you trying?” Trying doesn’t mean you’re are going to get it in the basket. Sometimes you just exasperated. But you did show again, right? You did show up the next day and say, “Ok, I’m here again!”
Peter: Everyday [Laughing]
Leeza: Every day. “Let’s go I’m what you’ve got!”
Peter: Bleary-eyed and dragging …but I’m here!
Leeza: And I think you are absolutely so right about that. And the other piece that I think is so hard is why I do this work with senior helpers: Asking for help is difficult. We don’t have a skill-set for it. We think, somehow, it’s going to rob our souls. We think we don’t get to go to heaven. We don’t get a gold star. We’re going to be judged. My whole personal mantra is, “Breathe, Believe, and Receive.”
It’s the receiving part that’s tough for us. But once we can let go, you know we’re so tightly wound, once we can open up and let somebody else in, and see us, “warts and all,” and to say “Wow, I need some help here.” Then, we can exhale …and things get better. And I think it’s the highest form of humanity both to give help and receive it. Sometimes I just say, “Stop achieving and start receiving.”
And, as caregivers, we’re like those “sit on the front-row kind of students,” where it’s like “Call on me, call on me, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. It doesn’t matter that I have like so much going on!”
The best thing you can do right now is to say, “I’ve got too much to do …help me!” And delegate one little thing. And look what will happen. And we do teach others how to treat us …by the way we treat ourselves.
With my dad, when he had a heart attack; he had open-heart surgery …and the next day he had colon surgery …we had to have a strategy. Look, I literally wrote the book on Fierce Optimism, but that wasn’t a plan. And my brother and sister lived very close to him, like within fifteen minutes; I’m the long-distance caregiver …we all needed help. And so, we brought in someone from Senior Helpers, you know they provide in-home care. We had the family caregivers, the in-home care provider that we coordinated with the doctors …we had them to come help us with the meds, the meal preparation, with driving errands. We had a strategy. We had to have help.
So, some people just need a peace of mind visit. Maybe they need someone to drive errands, someone just to help with the laundry … it’s a customizable thing. But I’ve seen it make a huge difference in the lives of family caregivers and their loved ones.
Peter: You know a reporter once asked me, he said well …it wasn’t a religious interview …it was just a reporter just talking to me … he said,” Well, what would Jesus do as a caregiver?”
I said, “I don’t know what He would do …I’ll tell you what He did do. He delegated. He had John take care of His mother …while He was hanging on the cross. I thought, “If Jesus can do that, then I can ask for help, too!”
And I’m all about trying to equip caregivers with the courage and the vocabulary of asking and identifying what help is …and I really try …and I’m going to run this by you and get your thoughts by this and then I’ll let you go because I know you’re very busy, but it’s a …when people say, “Well let me know if there’s something I can do.” And I try so hard to get people to stop saying that phrase. And I say, “Don’t ask a caregiver, “well …let me know if there’s something I can do for you,’ because now I have think of something for YOU to do.’”
Instead, offer something very specific. “Can I send someone over to clean the gutters.” Because nobody thinks it’s a good idea to for a caregiver to be on the roof cleaning gutters. Or, you know, “I’m at the grocery store, can I pick this up for you?” And …that kind of stuff …the more specific …there’s riches in the niches …the more specific that you get, the more you’re going to be able to be a source of help, and a real blessing to people to do that. How does that resonate with you?
Leeza: I am so with you on that! I’m so with you, and I’m glad you brought it up! Because, that’s the thing! First of all, no caregiver has time to think of what you can do to help them …. they’re not going to come up with any darn thing.
Peter: …and they’re not going to trust you to do it right …or stay with it, a lot of times.
Leeza: …or stay with it! So, I do the same thing. I always say, “Don’t even ask. Just say, ‘I’m making a casserole …I made two, I’m dropping one off for you!’”
John: Thank you…Thank you!
Leeza: [Say], “I’m on my way to the dry-cleaners, how about put your bag out by the front porch, and I’ll just pick up your bag on my way?”
Exactly those things!
Peter: Beautiful. Beautiful
Leeza: Just do it …do it …do it. If it’s wrong, they’ll probably tell you it’s wrong. Just stick your foot in it anyway.
Peter: [Laughing] By the way …we’re all about sticking our foot in something …
John: Peter …don’t be a heel!
Peter: [Laughing] I don’t know if you know this, but my wife is a double-amputee, and we have a prosthetic limb outreach in West Africa, so John and I are always making leg jokes here. And Gracie does, too, in all fairness. I mean, I’ve seen her take her leg off and scratch her ear at a stop sign with people …and they just freak out!
John: [Laughing]
Leeza: You did not just say that!
Peter: [Laughing] Oh, I did say that!
John: Peter one time attached a dog to her wheelchair, okay? There’s video …I’ve seen it!
Peter: Well, Jeff Foxworthy and I did a whole thing of, “You might be a caregiver if …” to let people know …because some people don’t identify that. You know …like, “If you have a professional carpet cleaner on retainer …you’re probably a caregiver.” Or, “…if you hooked up your dog to your wife’s wheelchair …just to see if it would work”—and it did, and I have footage!
Leeza: [Laughing]
Peter: You know …I mean, we’re trying …what we want to do is let caregivers know …first off, “it’s OK to laugh. It’s OK to come together and be joyful. It’s OK to, like you said, “breathe!” I do martial arts, and breathing is a part of everything we do. We [caregivers] are trying to “white-knuckle” this thing, and I know …in the closing thing …if you could say anything to your younger self, when you did come “kicking and screaming into this,” what would that be? Because there are so many people right now listening, who are in that same place. They’re in that place where they’re screaming going in to this. And they’re just terrified. They got the phone call …or whatever’s happened. What would you say to them?
Leeza: I think it’s like what my mother said …where we went earlier, you know “Show up …do your best …let go of the rest.”
Peter: I love that phrase
John: Aww …. Kudos to Mom!
Leeza: My mother lined us up when she got Alzheimer’s; she lined up the entire family and she said, “Look, when I’m kick and scream and can no longer call you by your name, just know that’s the disease talking and not me. And, I do not want to go live with you, Leeza. I don’t want to live with your brother. I don’t want to live with your sister. And you have got to tell Daddy when it’s time to let me go.”
She gave us our marching orders. It was unbelievable. She made us strong as a family. She was amazing!
Peter: What a tremendous gift of a parent to that! And, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through these things, but I’m not sorry for what you’ve learned through it. And I’m not sorry for what you’ve become through this process …because you’ve become such an inspiration and blessing to so many. And here you are taking the time to call our show and share some of those things. Thank you for being such an encouragement to all us here!
John: Yeah …well the lessons that you shared are not just for caregivers …they’re for people talking to caregivers, like we talked about earlier. It is a wonderful thing.
Leeza: Amen! I love you guys. I thank you so much for everything you do. You’re such a gift …and always fun to unwrap. Thank you.
Peter: Thank you, Leeza. And if people want to get involved with Senior Helpers …where do they go?
Leeza: Go to www.seniorhelpers.com. They’ve got franchises all over the country …and they would love to help you figure out what makes sense for you and your family.
Peter: Seniorhelpers.com …and …also, I think it’s LeezaGibbons.com if you want to know more about Leeza. As if you don’t know already more about Leeza …as if you don’t already know more about Leeza! I mean, she …It’s Leeza Gibbons for Heaven’s Sake! However, if you want to see more …go out to her website …and, thank you so much for being here with us.
Hey listen, don’t go away …we’ll be right back! This is Peter Rosenberger, this is the nation’s #1 show for the family caregiver. We are glad you are here. Don’t go away. [Music]
Paul Young, author of THE SHACK, called the show on 2/28/2017 to discuss this book, the new movie, and the heart he has for individuals to understand God's deep love for them.
For more visit www.caregiverswithhope.com
2/19/2017 Show on 1510 WLAC
"They [The baby-boomers] are the biggest economic force in the world. They are also the biggest social force. They've changed American society since they were born. They continue to change society every step of the way. The previous generation—and they went to the home. This generation is going to change all of that." Zach Watson, CEO Honeyco Homes.
Get the peace of mind that comes with a home that checks in for you. A HoneyCo-equipped home will contact you in case of concern. HoneyCo’s Internet of caring things™ passively collects and analyzes in-home activity. If something concerning comes up, you’ll receive a text message with details.
HoneyCo technology transforms any house into an automated caregiver. HoneyCo Homes notify family members of concerning home activity, decreasing response times and improving outcomes. This non-invasive technology is a great standalone solution or supplement to in-home care.
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More on author, speaker, and 30-year caregiver Peter Rosenberger ...and his radio show for the family caregiver.
www.caregiverswithhope.com
Arguably the world’s most poignant speaker and author on the topic of God’s provision in suffering and disability, Joni Eareckson-Tada has inspired, challenged, and strengthened the faith of uncounted millions. By her side, stands Ken Tada, her husband, friend, confidant, and caregiver for 35 years.
The two of them joined me for a special interview where they shared personal moments, insights, and the quiet dignity and wisdom that continues to define this extraordinary couple.
Do you feel that you are at the mercy of the system? It's easy for us as caregivers to easily feel taken advantage of, given the "run-around," and be marginalized by the very people we look to for help ... in the health care system. Listen to the caller express her frustration as we tackle the topic of anger. Don't try to be a caregiver alone! There's so much more at our resource center.
One of the 7 Caregiver Landmines that can cripple a caregiver: GUILT. We treat ourselves brutally, and then beat ourselves up with guilt for not doing more. This show helps us walk back from the guilt abyss ...and help us live healthier lives as caregivers. Click here to get this book today!
Finishing a series on the 7 Caregiver Landmines, we review the prior six, and then talked about #7 which is the mindset that "It's all up to us!" It's not all up to us, and we need help. We may not think help is available, but it's often not a lack of resources ...but lack of resourcefulness. Also, if we have to admit that we can't do this, and raise our hands and ask for help. Speaking of help, it's available right now at caregiverswithhope.com/resources Standing With Hope is the presenting sponsor of the show, and for a tax-deductible donation of any amount, we will send you a free E_Version of the book 7 CAREGIVER LANDMINES ...And How You Can Avoid Them. Click here for more.
It doesn't matter what your background is at all, as caregivers, we all come in at ground zero! - Dr. Camille Superson, author, pharmacist, chiropractor ...and caregiver. Throughout her career as a Pharmacist and Chiropractor, Camille Superson established herself as a compassionate and dedicated individual. Devoting herself to the development and maintenance of standards that ensure a high quality of life for her patients, she has endeavored to meet their personal, medical, and nutritional needs to the best of her ability. Thanks to her seasoned communication skills, Camille Superson provided expert counsel and educational information to a variety of individuals, both locally and in her speaking engagements throughout the United States.
When her elderly parents developed incapacitating illnesses, Camille Superson took a break from her career as a Doctor of Chiropractic to serve as their caregiver. In this capacity, she oversaw the primary care of her parents, applying her skills around the clock to address a wide range of patient needs. Superson drew upon her experience as an educator and counselor to assist them in coping with physical changes and adjustments to their treatment plans. She attended to their personal needs and administered prescribed medications at the appropriate intervals. In addition to carefully monitoring her parents’ conditions, Dr. Camille Superson interpreted important health-related data in order to provide proper treatment and care.
But it's not just what she did AS a caregiver, it's what she's done FOR caregivers that has taken Camille into a whole new world as a expert on Caregiver Resources ...resources that many don't even know exist! Camille's found them, compiled them, and his making them available to caregivers in her new book :
ESSENTIAL RESOURCE GUIDE FOR CAREGIVERS
About Peter Rosenberger
Drawing upon his 30+ year journey as a caregiver, Peter Rosenberger offers a lifeline to fellow caregivers to live a calmer and healthier life as a caregiver. The author of four books, and host of a radio show, Peter is also releasing his new CD SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER.
"As a 30-year caregiver for my wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare, I understand the challenges,heartaches, and weariness that a caregiver can feel. As a pianist for more than 45 years, I understand how to communicate the feelings of the heart through music."
The New Book:
7 Caregiver Landmines ...and How YOU can avoid them!
Multiple Dove Award winner and Grammy nominee, Gary Chapman, came to the studio with his guitar, his humor, and his heart to share about his journey as a caregiver for his father ...and the music and ministry that came from that experience. www.ahymnaweek.com
-Peter Rosenberger: 30-year caregiver, Author, Radio Host, and Wanna-be Stand-up comic!Our life as caregivers can be filled with grim and painful things, and those circumstances can transfer us into grim people. Thirty years as a caregiver has taught me the importance of humor and laughter, and I found it helpful to look for the genuinely funny moments—sometimes in even the direst of circumstances.With tenacity, tenderness and humor Peter Rosenberger brings hope to those who find themselves in the overwhelming and sometimes lonely role of caregiver.-Amy Grant While framed and filled with surgeries, pain, disability, and challenges—our life is also filled with laughter and humor. For whatever reason, I seem to look at life through funny shaped lenses, even though I've certainly had my share of tears, heartache, and harsh experiences. All that not withstanding, I still circle back to seeing funny and lighthearted moments. One of those moments occurred for Gracie and me on national television.Taking a cue from my cracking jokes with Gracie on the set of the TODAY show once, Kathie Lee Gifford quipped with me, "I guess you're not a leg man!"Without a batting an eye, I deadpanned, "Sure I am! She pops those suckers off every night and says, 'Knock yourself out big boy—I'm going to bed!'"Hoda and the production crew exploded in laughter and Kathie Lee looked so funny with her jaw hanging open—and then Gracie and she laughed the hardest.Holding Gracie's hand, she had tears in her eyes as she looked at Gracie, "You married him because he makes you laugh! I once heard a story about a beloved church leader from a small, rural congregation who passed away following a long illness. As a tribute and gift to the widow, the music minister offered to enlist the choir to sing the man’s favorite song at the funeral. Inquiring from the bereaved woman, the music minister was surprised to hear that the dearly departed’ s favorite song was “Jingle Bells.”Double-checking with her, she emphatically stated that his favorite song was indeed “Jingle Bells” and expressed great gratitude that the choir offered to sing her deceased husband’s much-loved song at the service.So the music minister assembled the choir, and, with sales skills rivaling the best salesman on the planet, convinced the church choir to perform “Jingle Bells” at the funeral, which took place in June.After the eulogy, the choir stood up and belted out, “Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh . . .”As the assembled crowd looked on with puzzlement, while dressed in summer attire, the embarrassed, but committed, choir sat down feeling as if they did the best they could for the grieving widow.At the graveside, the music minister passed by the man’s wife, took her hand, and once again gave his sincere condolences. Tearfully thanking him for the music, she quizzically looked at the music minister and remarked, “I loved all the hymns and songs, but why did you all sing ‘Jingle Bells’?Wide-eyed, the music minister replied, “You stated it was his favorite song!”With a sad, but sweet, grin she put her hand to her mouth and laughed. “Ohhhh, I am so sorry. I meant, ‘Golden Bells’!”Sometimes humor meets tragedy in strange places. We caregivers see enough tragedy, but can we see the humor?It’s there—our challenge is to expect and enjoy it.The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.-Bennett Cerf THE BOOK THAT'S Strengthening thousands of caregivers is now in an enhanced audio version!
We cover all kinds of things in this show. * A caller from Arkansas LOVES our sponsor, AGING IN PLACE TRANSITION SERVICES. * YOU MIGHT BE A CAREGIVER IF ... * GUN SAFETY * Caller from St. Petersburg, FL
One of our long-time sponsors, Sara Beth Warne of Aging in Place Transition Services stopped by the studio and shared tips for caregivers when loved ones want to stay in their own home.
Jay Wasack (I call him Inspector Gadget) dropped by the studio today to share some tech help for caregivers. Listen to this clip about a new product to help with organizing medications! You won't believe what it can do ...and how affordable it is! Caregivers With Hope is strengthening the family caregiver with tools and strategies. Sponsored by Standing With HopeMobility - Message - MinistryHow do you help someone ...who helps someone? You put 30 years of experience into their hands!
AARP released a new study of caregivers in Tennessee. Joining the show recently was AARP's director for the state of Tennessee, Rebecca Kelly. Standing With Hope's Prosthetic Limb OutreachAnnette Last week we received this picture of Annette (12 months old) walking on her new prosthetic limb. Joseph Thompson made this for her using supplies and materials that Standing With Hope provides. Annette developed an infection in her leg, but due to a strike by physicians in her area in Ghana, she was untreated and the infection spread to the point where her limb had to be amputated. We can't change what happened to Annette, but we can help what happens next. She will need a new limb every six months or so for some time. You can help Annette and so many more by sponsoring a leg through Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach.
Introducing a seldom discussed topic: PARKINSON'S Disease Psychosis. Joining the show is Diane from Southern California who shares her journey with her husband who suffers from Parkinson's and experiences psychosis, as well.Also joining the discussion is Daniel Claassen, MD, a neurologist from Vanderbilt University. The Peter Rosenberger Show is sponsored by Standing With Hope, Inc. a 501 (c) 3 organization. In 2012, Standing With Hope launched an outreach to caregivers of disabled, elderly, or chronically-ill loved ones. This program is also deeply personal to Gracie and Peter Rosenberger. Peter, who has served as the caregiver for Gracie for 30 years, draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to those struggling to care for vulnerable loved one.Your tax deductible gift can help support this work today and help reach caregivers with practical help and point them to Christ.The new book by Peter Rosenberger HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
Many caregivers secretly (and not so secretly) struggle with anger and "raging with impotent fury" at a disease or an impairment that is elusive and beyond our control. How can you live in in peace with a relentless enemy that you can't fight? The Peter Rosenberger Show is sponsored by Standing With Hope, Inc. a 501 (c) 3 organization. In 2012, Standing With Hope launched an outreach to caregivers of disabled, elderly, or chronically-ill loved ones. This program is also deeply personal to Gracie and Peter Rosenberger. Peter, who has served as the caregiver for Gracie for 30 years, draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to those struggling to care for vulnerable loved one.Your tax deductible gift can help support this work today and help reach caregivers with practical help and point them to Christ.The new book by Peter Rosenberger HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
Bette Bush of Memphis shares her astonishing (and ongoing) 37-year journey as a caregiver for her son who has Cerebral Palsy. The Peter Rosenberger Show is sponsored by Standing With Hope, Inc. a 501 (c) 3 organization. In 2012, Standing With Hope launched an outreach to caregivers of disabled, elderly, or chronically-ill loved ones. This program is also deeply personal to Gracie and Peter Rosenberger. Peter, who has served as the caregiver for Gracie for 30 years, draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to those struggling to care for vulnerable loved one.Your tax deductible gift can help support this work today and help reach caregivers with practical help and point them to Christ.The new book by Peter Rosenberger HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
Joining the show today is David Phillipe, a retired minister whose wife, Carol, has MS. David shares wisdom gleaned from years of caregiving.www.standingwithhope.com for more information. As Seen On:
Alcohol and/or Narcotics can complicate an already complicated set of circumstances. With customary compassion, grace, and a bit of goofy humor, Peter tackles the painful subject of addiction.
Do you know how to install grab bars for disability accessibility?Do you know how to build a ramp to safely help your loved one get into the house in a wheelchair?Do you know how to install chair lifts?My friends Jerry and Cecil at 101 Mobility do it every single day ...and they are THE guys to help you make your home more accessible. Grayson Rosenberger guest host and talks with the folks at 101 Mobility about tips for folks dealing with adaptive issues. Face it, if you need these things ...you're probably dealing with some high stress circumstances. Make it easy on yourself and call Jerry and Cecil TODAY. 615 830 6478 Jerry Keifer/Cecil Raney * Stair Lifts (straight and curved rail) * Auto Lifts * Vertical platform lifts * Ceiling lifts * Wheelchairs Ramps * Grab bars * Door Openers * Pool Lifts
Part of my journey as a caregiver is taking care of myself physically. On the show, in my book, and in live events, I regularly stress the need for each caregiver to see to their physical, emotional, fiscal, professional, and spiritual needs.As I enter my 30th year as a caregiver, I clearly understand that I'm not much good to Gracie if any of those areas are out of balance.Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. With all that in mind, I'm thrilled to share that I recently earned my Black Belt in Hap Kido. A Korean self-defense art, Hap Kido has been a wonderful physical outlet for me, and has had a ripple effect into other parts of my life. Breathing and self control are big parts of martial arts, and those two things dynamically affect me in the day to day stress of caregiving.
The aging rate is still 100% in this world, and caregivers often spend so much time taking care of someone else, that they feel to realize that ONE day ...WE will need others caring for us. Do you have the resources? Do you have the plan? Phyllis Shelton joined me in the in studio and brought her decades of experience and her passion for helping families avoid the nightmare of trying to pay for long term care. Phyllis Shelton is the President of LTC Consultants, a 22 year old Nashville-based consulting company specializing in long-term care insurance consumer education and agent training. She is the author of several books, including Protecting Your Family with Long-Term Care Insurance and The ABC’s of Long-Term Care Insurance. In addition to being one of the nation’s leading voices on the subject of long-term care insurance, she is also President of Got LTCi, an insurance agency that provides long-term care insurance to families who do not have a local insurance professional knowledgeable in this product.
LTC Consultants and Got LTCi
615-590-0306 / 888-400-1118, X114
615-590-0307 fax
www.GotLTCi.com - consumer
www.ltcconsultants.com (insurance industry)
With a vast number of caregivers struggling with a loved one who has dementia, Deborah Bier, PhD offers some practical help on the show from 7-26-2015 ABOUT THE SHOW
The experience and wisdom Peter Rosenberger has gleaned as a caregiver for three decades gives him an astonishing understanding of health care issues facing millions of people. But more than that, Peter has unmatched empathy for the deep heartache faced by his fellow caregivers …that causes even the strongest to falter.
He has spoken/performed at hundreds of events including disability conferences, churches, conventions, association meetings, service organizations.
Catering his message to each audience he works with, Peter offer benefits to two groups of people: caregivers and other people who are in position to help a caregiver.
In addition to speaking to counselors, physicians, pastors, social workers, financial planners, and many other groups, Peter also brings a strong understanding of the need of today’s employers as they come to grips with a vast population of working caregivers. Weaving insights gathered from a lifetime of caregiving, Peter extends a lifeline of practical help to not only those caring for vulnerable loved ones, but also to the ones who seek to connect their products, services, and/or support to caregivers.
Get the book today for a caregiver you know: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
For more information, visit standingwithhope.com
David Fox joined us 7/19/15 & discussed his candidacy for Nashville’s mayor. Relating how caregiving touched his own family, David also shared his vision for Nashville.
ABOUT THE SHOW
The experience and wisdom Peter Rosenberger has gleaned as a caregiver for three decades gives him an astonishing understanding of health care issues facing millions of people. But more than that, Peter has unmatched empathy for the deep heartache faced by his fellow caregivers …that causes even the strongest to falter.
He has spoken/performed at hundreds of events including disability conferences, churches, conventions, association meetings, service organizations.
Catering his message to each audience he works with, Peter offer benefits to two groups of people: caregivers and other people who are in position to help a caregiver.
In addition to speaking to counselors, physicians, pastors, social workers, financial planners, and many other groups, Peter also brings a strong understanding of the need of today’s employers as they come to grips with a vast population of working caregivers. Weaving insights gathered from a lifetime of caregiving, Peter extends a lifeline of practical help to not only those caring for vulnerable loved ones, but also to the ones who seek to connect their products, services, and/or support to caregivers.
Get the book today for a caregiver you know: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
For more information, visit standingwithhope.com
Helping my niece who has cerebral palsy play the piano, I saw a picture of a greater invitation to participate in God's music. From The Peter Rosenberger show on 1510 WLAC Sunday July 12, 2015www.standingwithhope.com
In his weekly radio show, Peter delves into the challenging issues faced by caregivers. From the practical to the spiritual, Peter helps caregivers identify “what help looks like,” while also providing them with the vocabulary and encouragement to ask for that help.
Drawing upon his astonishing understanding of health care issues, a deep compassion for the heartache of caregiving, and his vast experience as a caregiver, Peter empowers fellow caregivers to take charge of their own, finances, and emotional state —regardless of the circumstances of their loved ones.
Knowing the emotional toll of serving as a caregiver, Peter’s outrageous humor brings the fresh air of laughter into the painful places faced by America’s caregiving population. Listeners leave each show feeling stronger, calmer, and better equipped to face the daily difficulties of caring for vulnerable loved ones.
Click here to Listen on your phone/tablet Live EACH SUNDAY AT 3 PM CST on 1510 WLAC (Nashville) or world-wide on IHEART Radio. Call in live 800- 688-WLAC (9522)
Special Guest: Dr. Julie Lane discussing Christian Ministry to children with special needs ...and their families. Special monologue.The Problem of Pain. Sharing Gracie Rosenberger's insights pain ...learned from her 32 year ordeal of hurting.
For Father's Day 2015, I talked with my dad about impact he's had on me. Married for 57 years, Dad has six children, 17 grandchildren, and 14 great-grandchildren.An officer in the US Navy, Chaplain(CAPT), USNR, Dad has also served as a minister for 53+ years. In a recent article, I wrote about 5 things he modeled that helped prepare me to be a caregiving husband. Listen to us discuss it in this inspiring interview with an extraordinary man.
Caregivers struggle with the 3 "I's." * Loss of Independence * Loss of Identity * Isolation
'In this clip from the radio show for caregivers, Peter discusses how caregivers can push back against the crippling isolation.
My interview with Today's Caregiver founder/editor-in-chief, Gary Barg - discussing his FEARLESS CAREGIVER conference. Specifically the Nashville event on 06/17/2015.For more information call: 877 829-2734conference@caregiver.comPeter Rosenberger * Speaker * Author * Radio Host * Caregiver for three decades
My good buddy, Eldon Thacker, hosts a show on 1510 WLAC each Sunday evening at 10 (*CST).Hilarious, Great Music, and a REALLY entertaining show!
Only 25 when she married Mark, Tami's dreams and plans experienced an abrupt change when they discovered shortly after their marriage that Mark had Leukemia. That disease, along with an assortment of other challenges, has continued for 25 years.
In addition to sharing how her faith has sustained her, how to be assertive and vocal, Tami also impressed upon fellow caregivers to maintain their own identities and "don't give up your hobbies."
Listen to her inspirational interview from June 6, 2015
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ABOUT THE SHOW
The experience and wisdom Peter Rosenberger has gleaned as a caregiver for three decades gives him an astonishing understanding of health care issues facing millions of people. But more than that, Peter has unmatched empathy for the deep heartache faced by his fellow caregivers …that causes even the strongest to falter.
He has spoken/performed at hundreds of events including disability conferences, churches, conventions, association meetings, service organizations.
Catering his message to each audience he works with, Peter offer benefits to two groups of people: caregivers and other people who are in position to help a caregiver.
In addition to speaking to counselors, physicians, pastors, social workers, financial planners, and many other groups, Peter also brings a strong understanding of the need of today’s employers as they come to grips with a vast population of working caregivers. Weaving insights gathered from a lifetime of caregiving, Peter extends a lifeline of practical help to not only those caring for vulnerable loved ones, but also to the ones who seek to connect their products, services, and/or support to caregivers.
Get the book today for a caregiver you know: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER
For more information, visit standingwithhope.com
You will love this lifesaving gadget developed in Nashville by two Vanderbilt students. It's smart, it's practical, it saves lives, and it's affordable. Regardless of your vehicle's make or year, you can now have the security of knowing that when you need emergency services, SplitSecnd is there for you. Now you know why I brought them to the show for caregivers!Detects crash and calls for help, even when you can't.Peace of mind in real time. Splitsecnd syncs with your desktop or mobile device for real-time monitoring, giving you a bird’s eye view of your family’s driving habits so you can encourage good choices, set clear boundaries, and know when they’ve arrived safelyGet emergency help at the push of a button.Activate splitsecnd’s instant response sequence in any 9-1-1 emergency when you push the help button. Connect to live help, get immediate assistance and alert your personal emergency contact, all in one step.HEADQUARTERS1204 Elmwood AvenueNashville, Tennessee 37212United Statesinfo@splitsecnd.com615.823.8447 office866.716.5660 toll freehttps://www.splitsecnd.com/
An extraordinary story of President George W. Bush illustrates a picture of Christ ministering to us in our grief. www.standingwithhope.com
With a thriving counseling practice for more than twenty years, Lynn Husband is well acquainted with the challenges of relationships. As a caregiving spouse, however, Lynn's own journey into the heartache that caregivers endure —continues to provide her with even greater empathy, compassion, and understanding for hurting hearts and relationships.www.standingwithhope.com
From a recent dialogue on the show about anger at God. "I went from praying for 'Rescuing Grace" ...to asking for for 'Sustaining Grace.'"Some of that anger was also directed at church folks who "dangle the carrot of 'victory' and 'breakthrough' to those struggling with irreversible challenges.
1st time listener recently called in to share her struggles with guilt regarding caring for her mother suffering from Alzheimer's. Guilt is one of the most difficult things that trouble caregivers. We're putting ourselves between a loved one and disaster, and yet we often feel we don't do enough. How much is enough? How much time are we required to give? How much money? How much work?When others ask about our loved one, we often feel guilty in even discussing the issue.We put unreasonable expectations upon ourselves when caring for a suffering loved one. My prayer and hope for myself and fellow caregivers is that we NOT one day stand over a grave and slap ourselves around by saying, "We should have ..."We do the best we can. When we make mistakes, we ask for the courage to make amends. Let's leave the past where it is, do our best today, and trust God for tomorrow. Caregivers will find comfort, encouragement, and a kindred spirit in Peter Rosenberger’s grace filled, yet practical guide for those who care for vulnerable loved ones. It is a special fraternity that only those who are in it …can understand the heartache, challenges, weariness, and loneliness. Into those troubled waters, Peter Rosenberger wades in on offers his three decades of experience as a lifeline to fellow caregivers. Available where books are sold. Book Peter at your next event.
My nephew, Heath Rosenberger (20), shares about his mother, Kim, and example and balance she's set in taking care of not only Heath's special needs sister, Kelsey, but also of Heath and his brother.
Matthew O'Dell (USMC) joined us in the studio to talk about his work with fellow veterans with PTSD and how it not only affects the veteran, but the family as well. Part 2
Matthew O'Dell (USMC) joined us in the studio to talk about his work with fellow veterans with PTSD and how it not only affects the veteran, but the family as well. Part 1. * Show intro * Introduction of Matthew, * A REALLY funny story about my ALMOST appearing before the US Senate this week * The financial implications of the aging "Baby Boomers" * Matthew's Interview (partial)
In Tennessee alone, there are more than 100K diagnosed cases individuals with Alzheimer's disease. How many of those individuals are gun owners, and who's securing the weapons?In this clip from the show, Peter discusses an easy way to help a potentially tragic event.
A scorpion sting cost Dorcas her foot, but for years, Standing With Hope has helped make it possible for her to not only walk, but run, play, and attend school. This is what we do ...and we invite you to help us reach more girls and boys like Dorcas with the gift that keeps on walking.
Taking care of her mother with Parkinson's disease, this caller is a bit overwhelmed ...and not getting ANY help from her family. With a couple of easy tips, she has the opportunity to make her life a bit easier and develop a plan towards a more sustainable path.
Recently on the show, we took a moment to talk about Standing With Hope, and our producer, THE COUNT OF MIGHTY DISCO, gave a hilarious intro to the segment by playing ZZ Top's SHE's GOT LEGS! Gracie's journey has not been an easy one, but she still maintains a great sense of humor ( look who she's married to!). From the heartbreaking loss of both legs due to injuries from a 1983 car accident, Gracie Rosenberger is putting quality prosthetic limbs on her fellow caregivers and equipping them to continue ...Standing With Hope. * A prison ministry where inmates disassemble used prosthetic limbs in order to recycle the parts. * Training Mission Trips where US Prosthetists travel to Ghana and train local workers. * Ongoing shipments of supplies. * All to share the Gospel.
Listen to the audio clip from Peter Rosenberger's radio show for caregivers.
Commercial MOBILITY WORKS for Sponsor of the Peter Rosenberger Show featuring Gracie Rosenberger
MOBILITY WORKSAre you transporting someone with special needs?Do you need adaptive equipment on your car for someone you transport? Neal Johnson General Manager Mobility Works – Nashville 173 Industrial Blvd. La Vergne, TN. 37086 P: 615-280-5058 F: 615-280-5066
We love the sponsors of our show, because they have products and services that DIRECTLY impact a caregiver. Welcome our newest: 101 Mobility of Nashville : At 101 Mobility Nashville, we are dedicated to helping clients age in the comfort of their own home. We provide products that optimize home independence and freedom. Our office is locally owned and operated so that Nashville residents can have the best mobility experience available. We are unlike any other mobility company—we will never drop a box of product off at your doorstep. We are there with you through the entire process and offer factory certified installations for added convenience.615 836-1031 Jerry KiefferSara Beth Warne330 9918
16 months ago, we took a chance on a product that a friend recommended. Gracie's health had plummeted and quite truthfully, we nearly lost her twice. Listen to the dramatic results from the 2/8/2015 show.
Sometimes, the best victory we caregivers can have is to not make things worse. There is such a thing as "Discretionary Valor."
Guest: Dr. Mike Courtney giving special tips to deal with stress for caregivers ( and even for non-caregivers) during the holidays. Visit Caregiverswithhope.com/offer for a special discount on the book. Enter coupon code: PETER
You ever have someone come up to you and either brashly tell you why you are dealing with hard times ...or even try to speculate what God is doing? If not, wait ...it'll happen. It's not what we DON'T know ...it's what we DO know.Visit Caregiverswithhope.com/offer for a special discount on the book. Enter coupon code: PETER
Have you ever heard the phrase, "We're getting there ...we're getting there?For caregivers, there is often "No 'there' to get!"Visit Caregiverswithhope.com/offer for a special discount on the book. Enter coupon code: PETER
Special interview for Veterans' Day with Oak Ridge Boys' Joe Bonsall about his parents chronicled in his book, GI Joe and Lillie. It's extraordinary story of an American family.
Easy (and CHEAP) tips for making your home more accessible for disabled/loved ones for the holidays.
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- Rent a ramp
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- Chairs as Road Cones!
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- Area Rugs/Bathroom Rugs
If they can’t get into your home …what good is it to go to all the trouble of cooking dinner for them?
These and more simple things cost hardly anything. Emergency room visits, on the other hand, are VERY expensive.
For more information call Sara Beth Warne at Aging in Place Transition Services(
(615) 330-9918
Thirty-six years ago, Greg Tornquist received the news that his son had Down's Syndrome. The life expectancy for his son was maybe 25 years, old. Greg and Aaron continue to beat the odds and Greg shares lessons, wisdom, and humor learned from a lifetime of love and relationship that few fathers and sons have.
Sometimes, Caregiving distorts our view and we forget that there's a person under all that medical stuff. A person we love dearly.
One of the things that used to keep me up at night have those long conversations with the ceiling fan ..."What happens if I become injured or disabled?"There has to be some sort of plan in place to provide income in the event that a caregiver cannot work and loses their salary due to illness, injury, or disability.
You see a lot of ads about Reverse Mortgages ...but what are they, and are they right for you?
Stress from being a caregiver doesn't come at manageable times.
What if you're having a meltdown at 2 AM ...who do you listen to?
You can listen to clips from this show with an exclusive membership in the CAREGIVERCLUB.net Subscribe, Log in, and then Use the Search box to key in whatever is on your heart ...and will have access to a clip covering that topic. If you're feeling it ...we've discussed it.
It's inconsistent to call yourself a caregiver ...if you don't have life insurance.Listen to this one-minute clip ...and do yourself, or a caregiver you know, a favor by calling Eric or Blake today!Eric Berner and Blake Dorsett615 399-0128
Standing With Hope is a non-profit evangelical outreach committed to equipping others to stand with hope in their Christian faith. We have two primary outreaches—both based upon the personal journey of our founders: Peter and Gracie Rosenberger Prosthetic Limb Outreach: The prosthetic limb outreach was born from Gracie's experience as a double-amputee. Gracie relinquished her limbs in the 1990's as a result of devastating injuries suffered in a 1983 car accident. The purpose of this outreach is to train and equip local workers in the West African country of Ghana to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. READ MORE Learn the story behind this extraordinary ministry.
How would you like an APP for your IOS phone/tablet that offers three decades of caregiving experience?With an integrated calendar, prescriptions, surgery schedules, notes to ask doctors, and all sorts of features ...this is an APP for Caregivers, designed by a Caregiver ...and not just any caregiver, but I brought my years of experience to this project.With the technical help of the very brilliant Josh Moore, we've designed a product that will EXCEED your expectations.Listen to the clip from my radio show about it (and listen for the promo code to get a free month's subscription!)
One of the 3 "I's" that caregivers deal with is ISOLATION.
In that isolation, we often make bad judgments because we rely on our own thinking ...but our best thinking can take us into some bad places. Listen to this clip of how we can push back against the isolation.
The organization my wife and founded, Standing With Hope, recycles prosthetic limbs. We call it "Operation Foot-Loose" as in "Turn that foot loose so we can recycle it."Listen to Peter and John in this hilarious bit from the show ...and see how you can help get a leg up on someone! (PAYPAL)
Caregiving is not for the faint of heart! Ever notice how sometimes folks watching you struggle to do the impossible will critique you ...sometimes couched in "God - talk" and religious garb? How do you handle critics? In this 30 second clip, I lay out my method. It's pretty effective ...and you can use it if you want.
You have to stay healthy as a caregiver ...regardless. If you go down, they're life will get exponentially harder. It's a 2 for 1 deal if something happens to you.
More than a quarter century ago, I crashed into the wall of reality as I sat on the floor outside Gracie's hospital room at 3 AM ...following three sleepless nights after her 25th operation. That night, I witnessed her experience a gran mal seizure and was stunned ...and covered with her vomit. Grabbing her chart from the nurses station, I started reading about what had really happened to my wife in that car wreck a few years earlier. That young man is who I wrote this book to ...and all the others like him who care for someone who is chronically ill/disabled; someone struggling to make sense out of craziness, and feels like they are drowning while trying to help someone else stay afloat.
One of our newest sponsors, Sara Beth Warne heads a team of specialists to help YOU and your loved one deal with the nuances of the home. With a lengthy background in design, Sara Beth's team KNOWS how to help make the home a safer, warmer, and more comfortable place for your loved one. If a move is needed, her team will inventory EVERYTHING ...so that not only are your precious loved ones cared for, but their precious things accumulated over a lifetime are cared for as well.How often do you move? Couple of times? Sara Beth and her team at Aging in Place Transition Services do this EVERY DAY! Make it easy on yourself and those you love. Call them today 615 330 9918
Part one of my conversation with Ken Tada - Husband of Joni Eareckson-Tada. Ken and Joni shine as indisputable evidence of God's faithfulness.As a caregiving husband of 32 years for Joni (who suffers from quadriplegia), Ken brings an astonishing understanding of God's provision, faithfulness, and wisdom.BOOK RELEASED 9/16/2014
The Isolation we caregivers often live in leads us to make poor decisions. It's a lonely walk, but don't do this alone. Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.Proverbs 11:14For a caregiver, that multitude of counselors contain: * Pastors * Physicians * Accountant * Financial Planner * Therapist * Trusted CLOSE friends
Part 3 of my interview with Daniel Claasen, MD Dr. Daniel Claassen is an Assistant Professor of Neurology at Vanderbilt University and a neurologist specializing in the care of patients with neurodegenerative disorders, with particular interest in patients with cognitive dysfunction and movement disorders. He earned his medical degree from the Medical College of Georgia and completed his Neurology residency training at the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN and postdoctoral training at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, VA. He is a past recipient of the American Academy of Neurology clinical research training grant. Dr. Claassen’s research focuses on understanding brain-behavior relationships in the context of the diagnosis and treatment of neurodegenerative diseases. Since 2009, he has focused his research efforts on behavioral studies in neurodegenerative disorders, evaluating the influence of medications on behavior and cognition. His current studies address cognitive changes that account for impulsive compulsive behaviors. Furthermore, he maintains an active clinical and research interest in the utility of functional neuroimaging. Clinically, his expertise in FDG PET quantitation enables improved recognition and diagnostic certainty of neurodegenerative disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease.
Part 2 of my interview with Daniel Claasen, MD Dr. Daniel Claassen is an Assistant Professor of Neurology at Vanderbilt University and a neurologist specializing in the care of patients with neurodegenerative disorders, with particular interest in patients with cognitive dysfunction and movement disorders. He earned his medical degree from the Medical College of Georgia and completed his Neurology residency training at the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN and postdoctoral training at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, VA. He is a past recipient of the American Academy of Neurology clinical research training grant. Dr. Claassen’s research focuses on understanding brain-behavior relationships in the context of the diagnosis and treatment of neurodegenerative diseases. Since 2009, he has focused his research efforts on behavioral studies in neurodegenerative disorders, evaluating the influence of medications on behavior and cognition. His current studies address cognitive changes that account for impulsive compulsive behaviors. Furthermore, he maintains an active clinical and research interest in the utility of functional neuroimaging. Clinically, his expertise in FDG PET quantitation enables improved recognition and diagnostic certainty of neurodegenerative disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease.
Do you or a loved one deal with Huntington's disease?This is part one of my interview with Dr. Daniel Claassen, asst. professor of Neurology, Vanderbilt University.Dr. Daniel Claassen is an Assistant Professor of Neurology at Vanderbilt University and a neurologist specializing in the care of patients with neurodegenerative disorders, with particular interest in patients with cognitive dysfunction and movement disorders. He earned his medical degree from the Medical College of Georgia and completed his Neurology residency training at the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN and postdoctoral training at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, VA. He is a past recipient of the American Academy of Neurology clinical research training grant. Dr. Claassen’s research focuses on understanding brain-behavior relationships in the context of the diagnosis and treatment of neurodegenerative diseases. Since 2009, he has focused his research efforts on behavioral studies in neurodegenerative disorders, evaluating the influence of medications on behavior and cognition. His current studies address cognitive changes that account for impulsive compulsive behaviors. Furthermore, he maintains an active clinical and research interest in the utility of functional neuroimaging. Clinically, his expertise in FDG PET quantitation enables improved recognition and diagnostic certainty of neurodegenerative disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease
Interview Date: July 9, 2014From Milwaukee, Michael Dresser interviews Peter on his show.Topics:Standing With HopeThe Three I'sFear, Obligation, and GuiltThe New Book: Hope For The Caregiverhttp://michaeldressershow.com/
Caregivers struggle with the three I's: * Isolation * Loss of Independence * Loss of Identity
"Medical insurance is not the issue. That's a skill you learn and move on ...and I can teach you. The vast majority of caregivers I meet don't struggle with insurance - it's ASSURANCE- they're frustrated, weary, and scared."
From June 29 2014Caregiver struggle with the 3 I's: * Isolation * Loss of Independence * Loss of Identity
Today's topic is ISOLATION ( with a little side-excursion into dealing with medical insurance). Also, a great call from a first-time listener.Some of the most expensive real estate in the world is the peace of mind you are trying to gain as a caregiver. - Peter Rosenberger !
From 6/29/2014. This caller is why we do the show. Her story is only one of so many who are buckling under the strain of caring ( in this case by herself) for an aging and sick mother. Real help is available ...and we were able to refer her to one of our sponsors: Caregivers By Wholecare
When we don’t feel in control, it scares us.When we discover that we don’t have to be—it relieves us. - Peter W. Rosenberger
When I first started on this journey, I put my life on hold to help her life improve. After doing this for some time, it dawned upon me that I cannot wait for her to get better ...or worse...before I took steps to live a healthy life. - From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER © 2014 Peter W. Rosenberger Worthy PublishersO yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely, and died very quickly.Don Diego to Alejandro, The Mask of Zorro.For more information VISITSTANDING WITH HOPE
Has "worrying" ever accomplished anything for you? Caregivers spend a great deal of time worrying, but worrying is simply indulging yourself in the pain of things that have not ...and may not...happen.
Kwame was angry because God allowed him to lose his left leg. Our organization, Standing With Hope provided a limb for him to walk, but the extraordinary gift of a special foot gave inspired the courage to take a step of faith. Listen below to the audio clip to hear more about the foot of faith. * Is there a specific loss that is driving you to feel angry at God? * Would you be willing to see God’s provision in this …in an unexpected way? * Would you be willing to take your own step of faith, just like Kwame, and believe that God is weaving purpose …even in your loss?
Kwame stood because Gracie trusted. In your life, can you point to someone you know who is trusting God with a loss worthy of your respect …and allow their faith to strengthen yours?Remember your leaders and superiors in authority, [for it was they] who brought to you the Word of God. Observe attentively and consider their manner of living—the outcome of their well-spent lives— and imitate their faith [that is, their conviction that God exists and is the Creator and Ruler of all things, the Provider and Bestower of eternal salvation through Christ; and their leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom and goodness].—Hebrews 13:7 The Amplified Bible.ABOUT STANDING WITH HOPE(Gracie Rosenberger with Standing With Hope patient: Vivian)Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Peppered throughout the Bible, God continually reminds individuals and groups to "not be afraid." He knows that as we face things in life, we are scared spitless. He doesn't mock our fear; He calms it with His presences. Then, with God's comfort and His love in our hearts, we can offer encouragement to others. And by helping them face their fears, we can, in turn, tackle our own challenges with courage, determination, and faith.- From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER © 2014 Peter W. Rosenberger Worthy PublishersThe Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discourage. Deuteronomy 31:8
“Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.” Bill Watterson The Complete Calvin and HobbesGuilt will eat you up as a caregiver. * You can walk. They can't. * You can easily get showered and dressed, they can't. * He's lonely and isolated and want to you to be with the all the time. You have other commitments. * She's in pain. Your're not. * We push ourselves to extremes, often out of guilt.
You can't put that kind of beating on yourself everyday and expect to give quality care to a loved one.Most individuals experience a “slow growth” into maturity and life crises. But, as caregivers, we often find ourselves in life’s “express lane,” managing crisis after crisis, sometimes dealing with life-and-death issues. The stress from the non-stop barrage dulls our senses, and may even eat away at our moral compass. When we do fail, guilt from the failure gnaws at the soul. So we work even harder, denying ourselves more, thus adding additional pressures to our already-stress-filled lives.But, guilt is not the answer. Guilt doesn’t strengthen relationships; it destroys them. Caregivers can’t effectively live and serve others while bearing so heavy a burden of shame or guilt. So, we must apply grace to those guilty feelings. By consistently reminding ourselves that God’s grace covers our sins, we discover that guilt no longer whips us into a frenzy. Grace frees us to love and to serve with a clean heart. Sometimes, remembering God’s grace is not day-to-day thing; it’s a minute-to-minute lifeline. -From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ©2014 Peter W. Rosenberger, Worthy Publishers
Amy Goyer is AARP's caregiving expert. She brings her powerful personal story as a caregiver, along with a lengthy professional resume in working with caregivers. Some of the most expensive real estate in the world is the peace of mind you are trying to gain as a caregiver. - Peter Rosenberger HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ©2014 Worthy PublishersIn bookstores everywhere 9/16/2014 Invite Peter to speak at your event. !ABOUT STANDING WITH HOPE(Gracie Rosenberger with Standing With Hope patient: Vivian)Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
When the bullets are flying and the whole thing is going to hell, what's a path towards sanity look like for caregivers trying desperately to keep it on the rails in the midst of craziness?The most expensive piece of real estate for caregivers is peace of mind. Compiling lifetime of experience, Peter Rosenberger draws upon three decades of caregiving to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers.In this brief audio clip from the radio show, Peter lays out a plan.
Some of the most expensive real estate in the world is the peace of mind you are trying to gain as a caregiver.In probably the best monologue by Peter to date, this short clips gets right to the heart of the challenges and hope for today's caregivers.
How would you like:
- Nationwide and unlimited access to a board certified MD 24/7 …365 days per year?
- a medical negotiator to help you negotiate down hospital bills, surgery bills, and even VET bills for your animals?
- access to get lab work done once a year at no additional costs?
- to be able to send a picture to your doc, or even video chat?
- A prescription discount card
- have a transcript of your calls emailed to you?
What if I told you all of this was available for $24.95 per month …and it would cover your spouse and children as well?
Amazing isn’t it!? Well, it sold me.
Look, I know health care …and if you read my story, you will KNOW that I know health care. Do yourself a favor and do what I and millions more are doing ….sign up for Connect 2 Docs TODAY!
No more visits to the urgent care clinic for flu, sinus infection, rashes, or other medical issues that
simply require a consult and possibly a prescription. I can’t schedule getting sick during business hours …and even if I do, taking time to go to the doctor for simple things just is a pain.
Here’s the link: Check it out!
Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Sometimes, when not knowing what to say, people will say things that cut a caregiver to the core. On the show today is special guest, Cindy Laverty, who wrote: 11 things NOT to say to a caregiver.Often called the "fairy godmother" of caregivers, you will love her tender heart and practical help for today's caregivers.
It's not as easy as you think to push a wheelchair! Along with an Easter message, a throw back to one of the great founding groups of today's Christian music, this clip offers caregivers tips learned from pushing Gracie in a wheelchair for three decades.
Ming Wang, MD, PhD, joins the show to discuss eye care for aging parents and caregivers. Dr. Wang, a leading ophthalmology and lasik expert also shares about the Wang Foundation and how his story is played out in the new film, God is Not Dead. Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
The Tennessee legislature is trying to put more restrictions on folks who use decongestants responsibly ...in an effort to curb meth production. The problem is, however, that they are making responsible people jump through more hoops without going after criminals with harsher penalties. We mix it up on this subject today, and joining us in raising red flags on this subject is AARP TN's advocate director Shelley Courington, who offers AARP's insights as to how this bill will affect seniors ...and those who care for them.Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
A father with a special needs child ...who learned a lot of himself, family, love, and perseverance, failure, and restoration. Long time Nashville producer, songwriter, publisher, Rob Galbraith, weaves in great stories of Nashville's music history, his personal history with the music business working with folks such as Ronnie Milsap, Kenny Rogers, and even movie star, Kevin Bacon.Subscribe today to the CAREGIVER CLUB! The first month is free, and you can access great podcasts like this one ....and much more!Plus "Moments With Gracie" where Standing With Hope founder, Gracie Rosenberger, recounts walking on two prosthetic limbs for the first time.
From March 30, 2014"Helpful" can be the "sunny side of control.""Enabling a chronically sick loved one" ... Who's got the problem?----more---- Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Taking ten small steps was a turning point for Gracie following the amputation of her remaining leg.Whatever God had in store for her as a double amputee was on the other side of the most painful steps she had ever taken.Here it in her own words ...and read the rest of the story!.
Gracie Rosenberger sharing about one of her greatest accomplishments following the amputation of both of her legs: Learning To Snow Ski! Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Gracie shares insights as she watched a hurricane heading towards her family's home in NW Florida. Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
I wrote an articled with that title a while back, and I do love CPA's ...and I recommend that every caregiver have a CPA that helps them with the MASSIVE challenges of keeping up with finances, financial planning, budgets, taxes, and so forth.Today's guest is a novelty for me: a CPA running for political office. (Maybe our country wouldn't have a $17 trillion debt if more CPA's were in political office!)My friend, Sen. Kerry Roberts shares his thoughts on this, plus we get him talking about another passion of his: Bicycles!All this and "Moments With Gracie," ...and a smattering of comments and music from "The Sultan of Sound: John Butler!" Help Standing With Hope continue providing these podcasts for free as well as supporting our work with amputees in Ghana: Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Joining this episode is Jay Wasack of Always Connected Solutions. ...and they are committed to providing affordable, practical solutions for improving the safety of seniors and those with disabilities who chose to live independently.Using technology in ways that will blow your mind, Jay shows how easy it is to secure your loved one ...while enhancing their independence and dignity.
In this MOMENTS WITH GRACIE, Standing With Hope founder, Gracie Rosenberger, takes listeners back to the scene of her wreck where she lay dying. What served as a pivotal moment for Gracie, also serves as a guiding lesson that continues to sustain her.
A simple yardstick becomes a teachable moment for caregivers.From The Peter Rosenberger Show: February 2014
One of the more contentious and difficult conversations is when the keys need to be surrendered. Joining the show today is Matt Gurwell. During his more than twenty years as a state trooper in Ohio, Matt saw his share of death and heartache at the scene of countless wrecks, and made painful trips to families' homes to deliver bad news. Now, he is on a mission to help reduce those events through his company, Keeping Us Safe. Simply put, Matt has developed a smoother and more positive way to transition elderly drivers from the driver's seat ...to the passenger seat.KEEPING US SAFE's "Enhanced Self-Assessment Program"for Senior Drivers * Do you live away from your loved-one and aren't completely sure of his or her ability to continue driving safely? * Could you use some help and direction plotting the future of your loved-one's safe driving career? * Are you unsure of how to address the issue with your loved-one, or confused about how to initiate "the talk"? * Not sure what resources are available to you? * Do you want a skilled and experienced professional to help bring or maintain calm and stability to what can be a very complex and sensitive family issue? * Are you looking for a program
f you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then we encourage you to call KEEPING US SAFE now (toll-free) at 877-907-8841 to schedule an appointment for your loved-one. Help us continue providing these podcasts for free: At Standing With Hope, we provide mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Vista Points, Inc. A non-profit resource center dedicated to raising awareness about Special Needs Trusts. Through community outreach activities, education programs and marketing campaigns, Vista Points promotes the advantages of Special Needs Trusts to those who will most benefit from them, including people living with a disability, their parents and caregivers, and the professionals who serve and guide them.Office Address:Vista Points, Inc.1550 N. Mt. Juliet Road, Suite 203Mt. Juliet, TN 37122Telephone: 615.758.4660Fax: 615.758.4661Email: info@vistapoints.org
Caregivers by WholeCareA big heart for caregiving.615 298-9201 We embrace a person centered home health care approach with at home care or wherever it is needed from your home to the hospital, hospice and in assisted living. Our professional in-home care professionals have earned a trusted and respected reputation throughout Nashville and Middle Tennessee.
Connect with us for:
CCare plans that are customized, creative and respectful
A Assessments that are thoughtful, detailed and helpful
R Resources that contribute to a quality life with dependable service
E Empathy that is sincere and supportive in crisis and for the long term
AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization, with a membership of more than 37 million, that helps people turn their goals and dreams into real possibilities, strengthens communities and fights for the issues that matter most to families such as healthcare, employment security and retirement planning. We advocate for consumers in the marketplace by selecting products and services of high quality and value to carry the AARP name as well as help our members obtain discounts on a wide range of products, travel, and services.AARP TN sponsors the show and they have a WEALTH of information for caregivers.
Restore, Rejuvenate, Repair, and Replace carpet as well as other flooring related products. Our markets are the property management industry, insurance industry, residential, and commercial sectors.If you are a caregiver, YOU NEED a professional carpet cleaner on speed dial! - Peter Rosenberger To Request a Custom Quote, please contact Professional Carpet Systems. We look forward to serving you!
4711 Trousdale Rd : Nashville, TN 37220
Phone: (615) 883-9318
In this brief story shared on his radio show, Peter relates what the truckers who saved Gracie's life did when they saw her asleep at the wheel ...and heading for disaster—to the role of caregivers who are often presiding over a wreck themselves.
Help us continue providing these podcasts for free: At Standing With Hope, we provide mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
As a new feature for Peter's radio show, Standing With Hope is sharing "Moments With Gracie." In these short segments, Standing With Hope founder, Gracie Rosenberger, offers insights learned from a lifetime of pain, disability, suffering ...and faith. With Peter at the piano playing on these recordings, you will find yourself drawn into their story in a powerful way. Listen for free to the first one below. We welcome your helping us sponsor this special segment with a monthly donation of $20 or more to Standing With Hope. Starting March 2nd, you can hear the show at it's new time: 3:00 PM CST each Sunday on 1510 WLAC (Nashville) or on I Heart Radio world wide (they have an app for your mobile device).
Listen to Gracie share from thoughts as she and Peter reflect on the 30 year anniversary of the car wreck that changed not only her life, but is still having an impact on thousands of others. Here it in her own words ...and read the rest of the story!. Standing With Hope provides mobility through giving of artificial limbs...and ministry by pointing others to Christ. Please click below to support this work ...today!
Today's show features special guest Tara Shaver from AARP TN. For some time, AARP has invited me to write blogs and participate in various media events such as my video with Jeff Foxworthy, their show on RFD TV, and in the tele-town halls for caregivers.Tara has so many wonderful resources she shares with folks today.Plus, John's music ...see if you know all the songs.And BE SURE TO listen to the Yard Stick Story! Help us continue providing these podcasts for free: At Standing With Hope, we point to Christ while providing artificial limbs. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
A full service home medical supply provider carrying a wide range of products including home oxygen, wheelchairs and incontinence supplies. Williams Medical Supply has been serving Nashville's home medical equipment and supply needs since 1971. As one of the area's largest retail suppliers of home health products and services, we provide superior customer service and top quality, state-of-the-art medical equipment and supplies.
615 327-4931
We take extra care in making sure that we fulfill the needs of each and every one of our customers. Our expert staff takes the time to give each of our customers the personal attention he or she deserves and are trained to find the right products for each individual. We participate with most major insurance plans, are a Medicare provider, and will coordinate insurance billing for covered items. Please contact us for more insurance and coverage information.
Williams Medical Supply carries a full range of Home medical supplies including:
- Ostomy Supplies
- Incontinence Products
- Wound Care
- Urological Supplies
- Compression Stockings
- Home Oxygen
- Wheelchairs
- Rollators
- Walkers & Canes
- Hospital Beds
Today's show featured special guest: Ken Tada. Married to Joni Eareckson-Tada for 32 years, Ken understands the role of caregiver in ways that few do. As "...two veteran caregivers with 60+ years of caregiving between them lean on their swords at the edge of the battle for a few moments," Ken and I share from our journey of trusting God with the brutal realities of being husbands through decades long disability and medical nightmares.A special Valentine's Day episode for couple living with a disability ...and for couples struggling with other issues that need to hear from two men who've plumbed deep into God's faithfulness ...and found it greater than they imagined. We love providing all this for free, but we need your help. At Standing With Hope, we point to Christ while providing artificial limbs. Please consider becoming a regular supporter of this work.
Today's guest is Reba McBride. A licensed master social worker and community educator for TrustPoint Hospital in Murfreesboro, TN, Reba gently walks listeners through the steps of what to do when the loved one you're caring for experiences an abrupt change in their behavior. Maybe it's something simple like the meds being affected ...but whatever the case, TrustPoint can help.Phone: 615-848-5868 Hospital Main Line 615-867-1111 Filled with helpful tips and information from Reba, there are hilarious moments from Peter that include a really good "Carl from Sling Bade" imitation. From his hilarious "You Might Be A Caregiver" video with Jeff Foxworthy to his radio show, speaking, and lengthy list of articles and now two books, Peter has emerged as a leading caregiver authority that speaks with wisdom and compassion to the millions of Americans caring for vulnerable loved ones. For more information visit: www.caregiverswithhope.com
Peter's new book for caregivers.
Clip from Peter's show featuring Elizabeth Moss of Caregivers by WholeCare.From his hilarious "You Might Be A Caregiver" video with Jeff Foxworthy to his radio show, speaking, and lengthy list of articles and now two books, Peter has emerged as a leading caregiver authority that speaks with wisdom and compassion to the millions of Americans caring for vulnerable loved ones. For more information visit: www.caregiverswithhope.com
Peter's new book for caregivers.
It is unsustainable to try to manage caring for a chronically ill loved without help. What does that help look like? It looks like Caregivers By WholeCare ...and their founder/CEO, Elizabeth Moss, joined the show today. Listen to why they are THE folks to walk with you through whatever your circumstances may be.Visit Their Website: http://wholecareconnections.com/ or give them a call: 615 298-9201
It's the way of the future and we're ahead of the curve. Listen to this show today and discover how you can get involved in this amazing, convenient, and affordable service.
Award winning singer/songwriter with fame and success learns his teenage daughter has leukemia ...while filming a new video.Caregivers are thrown into the deep end of the pool with little warning or training. Listen to his story
Talking about House Bill 1385 - which provides for the legalization of medical marijuana for people in pain and living with chronic issues. Are doctors driving this, or is this driven by people who want greater access to marijuana?Will this be a cash crop to help Tennessee farmers?Listen in to the bill's author Rep: Sherry Jones as she makes her case.
Joining the show is Tiffany Cloud-Mantooth from the Alzheimer's Association - Mid South Chapter. This disease wreaks havoc on patients and caregivers alike, and in this show we explore the disease, how to deal with it, and ways to shore up the strength of caregivers. We had several calls, but a bit of a technical problem recording them ...so we apologize in advance for not being to include those callers.