#EnlightenedBitches: Recent Episodes
Julia Gillis
Enter Claire & Julia - into each others lives. In November 2018, two women started a shocking & mind shattering journey to uncover, unravel and rebuild their lives. Hashtag Enlightened Bitches is an intimate dive into the world of 2 women who have developed an uncomfortably deep & weirdly arranged 'heterosexual life-mateship.' In their time together, they have tackled a broad spectrum of life's biggest questions and most annoying details such as love, family, sexuality, connection, self-love, self-worth, self-growth, recovery, addiction, intergenerational abuse, dating, parenting
This week Julia & Claire go over thought work. Thought work is the ability to focus on managing your thoughts, further more - understanding the linear process of your thoughts creating your feelings & your feelings creating your actions. With a huge emphasis on the work of Kara Loewentheil (UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast) they talk through what thought work has looked like for them, both before & after Recovery. Even with such differing views & descriptions on how each of them participate in thought work; the purpose is singular. Thought work allows people to change themselves, how they show up, what they see & how they participate everywhere in their life. It's used to work our way past challenges and choose who we want to be, no matter where we are. Both Claire & Julia share their tool bags and the many ways they've been able to apply thought work to change from simply surviving to Thriving.
Talk about a Triple Threat! This week's episode has Julia, Claire & Special Guest Suzanne - all #EnlightenedBitches in their own right! These ladies tackle the complex topic of Needs vs. Wants & what that looks like, starting all the way from a damaged childhood to the recovery process. Sticking to the system of defining their topic first, they identify what Needs truly are. They share the stories of 3 different life times - all connecting with the foundation of not having needs met as children. In the many ways this can begin, there is a particular group of outcomes from this that creates our toxic adult blueprints. Each bad ass babe takes the floor to offer their experience in accomplishing the task of learning to meet their own needs and how to cultivate the tools to do so.
We're rewinding the clocks to take a look at Claire & Julia's year in review. While most year recaps are full of solemn lessons learned & humble insights, the ladies get a bit more raw than that. As Julia & Claire each walk us through their lives since last September we collect a huge timeline of growth, tools, and struggles. The path is never straight - sometimes lessons need to be learned multiple times and much of life simple needs to take it course. Coming into the holiday season this year these women share their very different views and needs for the upcoming season.
Welcome - To another episode of #EnlightenedBitches ! This time Julia & Claire tackle the complex topic of choice, making decisions & dealing with the aftermath. Choices don't just show up at major crossroads in our lives; we have them at every breathing moment. For everyone of those choices, we have decisions to make - even deciding to do nothing is a decision in itself. And after those decisions are made...? We now have to take ownership of the outcome. Then throughout the entire process - we choose how we 'show up' & we choose our perspective - in the before, during and after moments. Yes. We even have choices & make decisions on how we perceive everything. But this looks very different before and after recovery work. Both Claire & Julia share the colourful (but different) tool boxes they have designed throughout each of their journeys away from victim hood, addiction & adverse backgrounds.
Who are you? When you say the words: I AM... what follows? Many of us list our marital status, age, profession, family station, religion...but is this really 'who we are'? This week Claire & Julia discuss Identity. Psychologists explain this as our self image. What we see as constant in us & differentiates us from others. How much of our identity is pressed upon us in our youth? What about experiences that imprint traits which otherwise wouldn't have developed, had not the event occurred? Why do we become so obsessed or attached to certain parts of ourselves? Can we change these parts? In yet another episode these women share their very different viewpoints & paths through their lives as well as through their recovery. Last but not least, they touch on how to improve our legacy by not carrying on damaging identity development with our children.
It's fight night! Claire & Julia are rebonding after a slight tiff, brought on by cobwebs of damage rearing it's ugly head on both their parts. The ladies tackle the difference between CareTaking (the toxic form) and CareGiving (the healthy form) of helping others with their pain. Yet again we find the unique differences between how childhood damage can develop into adulthood. Claire comes from a background of diving right into a caretaker role as a nurse. Julia coming from a background of vulnerability avoidance, both with herself & others. Both uncover interesting new concepts and outcomes in their journey through recovery to developing their caregiving midset. This episode has lots of segues and side conversations that suppliment the topic for added Enlightenment from these Bitches!
Sex! Sex! Sex! These ladies divulge it all!! Claire & Julia discuss sex shame (for women only - they do not assume to have valid knowledge on the male sex shame experience.) Understanding that sex shame is an inside issue becomes key in the discussion. The women talk about their development through their sexual growth & history; from the absent & damaged youth education to the fierce blossoming after their divorces. Realities of numbers, health, and what truly matters in our own sexual experiences are put in all positions for exploration. For the sake of the next generation of little women they are raising, Julia & Claire share their plan for how they are going to break the bullshit of sex shame with their own daughters. Enjoy!
Welcome Back! After a break due to Claire being away on vacation, these ladies are back at it: kicking ass & leveling up. This weeks topic is about getting off your ass and out of your own head. Claire & Julia cover numbing out; scrolling instagram, binge watching Netflix, smoking a joint or chugging wine when we feel there is just too much on our plates. So what can we do instead? We need to GET OUT. Out of our heads, out of our self-obsession, out of our pity. The great out doors and the universe have so many healthy ways & options for us to empty our plates, release our troubles and sort out our struggles. It's about finding healthy ways to manage stress. These enlightened bitches share some of their best tools for not taking on what isn't theirs & how to throw out baggage they've collected, back into the cosmic dumpster.
What happens when we lose our way -after we start recovery? Claire & Julia cover a massive amount of ground regarding relapse, spin-outs and new heights of rock bottom. Is there a difference between ‘Us’ (those who are in recovery) and the ‘Normies’ when it comes to triggering traumas or life’s hard knocks? Meet the girls where they are at while they share their relapse stories, talk through how they figured it out and what tools they used to pull their heads out of their a**.
A class act by the ladies this week! Claire & Julia get side tracked MULTIPLE times while discussing Boundaries; before and after recovery. Tons of stories, from both past and present get shared in this episode; some vague and some not...so vague - all to help listeners level up. Julia and Claire talk about what boundaries 'actually are' (the tip: they are NOT about other people,) and why people raised with abuse don't have them. After meandering through side bits, rude jokes and segues these Enlightened bitches lay down what good boundaries look like (for them) and how to practice them until perfect practice hows up. Enjoy!!
What happens when women get into a relationship, where a man saves them, then the woman falls into codependency - only to resent and reject them. Where does this 'issue' start? Where is it's inception? Claire & Julia share their own stories of damage when it comes to being vulnerable with men, and the recoil behavior that ensues, as a self preservation method. But - as always, the ladies share their full journey on how they uncovered their damage and carved their path of recovery from pretending to be "Too brave to save." With 'save' now being a term no longer in their vocabulary for relationships. Join them - and enjoy!
This episode is AWESOME! Claire & Julia really dig into what recovery looks like when you become a parent, after an adverse upbringing. They ask: Should everyone become a parent? Does it change you? And in what way? Claire & Julia both share their personal stories of the damage they know they brought into their legacy - and what they have been doing to address those issues. But they share the silver linings of the good things they have brought with them as well. The episode starts with jokes on gingers - but they round up the night with their hopes & dreams for their family legacy and their deepest hopes for their little girls. Don't miss this one!
What does rejection look like before & after recovery? Claire and Julia share their toxic coping styles from their old selves when rejecting others, and getting rejected. Rejection happens from people, life & the universe. We blame, bargain and turn it on ourselves. But as we go through recovery we find new ways to accept, process and keep our shit together when relationships, effort and circumstances get put on the chopping block. What about when rejection isn't clear? How do healthy adults go about tiptoeing out - rather than just saying 'fuck off' ? Make sure to stick with these ladies until the end as Claire pulls out her coaching talents, helping Julia with her most recent breakup to level up - like the Enlightened Bitches they are.
What are Daddy Issues? What aren't Daddy Issues?! Do Claire & Julia have them? This week's episode challenges the labeled behavior of women with Daddy Issues and explain the true origins of the dysfunctional attachment styles. Both women share their own stories of damage, trauma and their subsequent recovery from said past. They share the entire linage of their Father-Daughter relationships; from their fathers & bothers, to their dating relationships, their ex-husbands and the legacy they are designing for their daughters. To wrap it up - the ladies share how they found recovery from their own Daddy Issues to offer tips and tricks for others to find their way.
This isn't for 101ers. Claire & Julia are talking mind, body, spirit connection at a advanced levels. If you cant keep up, you'll be left behind. The ladies (loose term) go over their own most recent experiences with their triangle of truth. How physical ailments can come from our spirits & minds - while our bodies can cause sicknesses in our mind and spirit. Julia & Claire open up their internal dialogue and explain how they develop that deeper connection with themselves to encourage integration. They also go over their personal descriptions of what being 'grounded' looks like to them. Then round it up with tips on how to gain grater flow for yourself.
This Week Claire & Julia take on the world as Independent Women! They tell their stories of growth into the role and their battle with the sexes in romance, dating, and separation. These women share about bossing their shit, being dominant and taking no shit. Does being independent mean being a Lone Wolf? Not by a long shot. Learn how these women take ownership of their own lives while building tribe, forming bonds and creating non-codependent relationships while being 'single' moms - together.
This week's episode starts off a little rough with Julia badgering Claire, who has chosen to sink into the couch. They argumentatively approach the topic of Fairness. Why do we fight so hard for it in life...when one of the first lessons we learn - is that life isn't. Life is not fair. Yet our entire society is created to reflect our deep rooted desire to have it - and have it in our own favors! So then, what is Karma? Is this the adult version of Fairness? Is it the same concept, hiding behind a college degree in Philosophy? Join Julia & Claire as they unfold (and banter) the ins and outs of what's fair, who needs it and how to actually win at the game of life - when things aren't equal for anyone.
Whoa! This week's episode is deep and brutal. Claire & Julia explore the depths of relationships. They breeze past how to find 'The One' & "How to have a healthy relationship;" getting to the core right off the bat. As they say - get rid of the #BasicShit. Extensive lists of Red Flags are outlined, for everyone to take notes, with some personal Tales from the Crypt. These women explain the difference between someone's Resume and their 'Street Cred' then what counts as a High Potential vs. Potential Project. Julia gets cut throat (as usual) and Claire exercises her right to use a ghost emoji. Join them on the path to Enlightenment...with some attitude.
Happy Mother's Day! In this episode Julia & Claire ask all the hard questions and come up with maybe - only some of the answers. They share their stories of both being mothered and being mothers. Uncovering The Good, The Bad and ...the Ugly - these Enlightened Bitches question the need for mothers at all! In the end, Claire & Julia outline the best intentions for motherhood (after some debate) and settle for the best...or nothing at all.
This week Claire & Julia cover DATING. They talk about a wide range of topics for mass enjoyment. They start by talking (joking) about dating in Covid-19; what that entails, what it looks like and...how that's going for them! They offer nothing profound on the difference between meeting someone online vs. meeting someone organically - because there isn't. But offer a surprising truth in the end. Continuing on they explore quantity vs. quality as numbers rise - but in whose favor? Digging a bit deeper they share their experiences with dating after divorce/separation, the emotional growth chart or scale and the self awareness it takes to make it work after bad breakups. Julia & Claire end on a 'high' note - talking about Dick Pics and Picturesque Catastrophes - the hilarious dates and exits that sometimes need to be made in the cut throat world of dating. Enjoy!
Julia & Claire explore what they believe a tribe, community or support network is. These women dive deep into why people with damage have such a hard time creating or keeping a healthy tribe in there life and accidentally approach the topic of 'unconditional love' (to be covered in depth in a following episode...dun dun duuunnnnn.) They circle back to the necessity of tribe; looking at the human nature and species components of our desire for participating in a community setting, while bashing the 'lone wolf' mentality as a symptom of damage. They attempt (and kind of succeed) at identifying, what Julia calls, the pillars of creating a healthy tribe for oneself. In the end, some personal stories are shared, some wine is poured and vulnerability takes the the win in all aspects of this discussion and...recovery at large.
Claire & Julia cover Addiction & Recovery. Join these Enlightened Bitches as they define addiction without the help of Google, cover their own personal histories regarding addiction (both in their environment and internally) and argue the labels and lies around nature vs nurture, the disease title and true 'recovery.' They end the discussion with talking about the legacy they hope to inspire in their own daughters to break the cycle and develop healthy coping mechanisms for the life ahead of them.
In our premier episode Claire and Julia go over how Covid 19 has impacted their lives, in very different ways. They go over the story of how they first met and how their relationship has been forged in steel due to the major similarities in their up bringing. They end off with letting you know what they hope to bring to the table: the value of sharing & honesty to promote enlightenment and connection for those recovering from intergenerational abuse to break the cycle and create a new, healthier legacy.