Time Added On For Sausages: A Football Podcast, Up To A Point: Recent Episodes
Kevin Borras
Football isn’t all about Guardiola and Klopp, zonal marking and Twitter WAG spats. It’s just as much about crushing disappointments, seasons being all-but over by the end of September and your manager being sacked after your game is postponed half an hour before kick off due to a train derailment.
Time Added On For Sausages is a different kind of football podcast (well, we would say that) as we focus on the minutiae that makes this the best sport in the world, unless you’ve just been expelled from the EFL with debts smaller than the amount of change in Alexis Sanchez’s trouser pocket.
In each episode we’ll talk to supporters of teams from all over the world whose ambitions are less winning the league by 23 points than finishing the season… no, just finishing the season. We’ve got fans of clubs such as Kickers Offenbach, Ebbsfleet United, Ionikos, Bucharest United, Valletta FC, Southend United, Excelsior Rotterdam, Orlando City and Clyde, plus we’ll be looking at what makes for the most combustible rivalries, busting a few myths and getting all misty-eyed and unnecessarily nostalgic about the 1970s and 1980s.
We’ll be going to non-league games and seeing what it is that makes people support a Combined Counties Premier League team but without ever mentioning the words ‘grass roots’, plus we have regular anecdotes from the golden age of football broadcasting, namely Capital Gold Sport from the mid-1990s and we’ve managed to persuade a whole range of bands, signed and unsigned, to record their versions of football songs and we even performed a draw to see who got what song and it wasn’t from a supermarket in Bangkok.
Football, eh?
www.sausagepodcast.org
"I'd rather look at an ambulance." Episode 21 brings us more fancy football talk with Kevin mid-house-move for the first time since 1995. We talk about our teams' respective starts to the season, the huge no-no of leaving early (although Caz did have very good reason), missing kick-offs (Paul's domain) and dreaming about changes to football terminology...
We're back! With an incorrectly numbered episode and a new presenter! Enough with the exclamation marks. This is the 20th episode if you count the unnumbered special, however.
Paul and Kevin are now joined by Caz May, founder of #HerGameToo and presenter of the Bristol Rovers podcast Step On The Gas to form a new triumverate of people wibbling on about football but now not exclusively middle-aged men. In this episode we talk about the underlying reasons for #HerGameToo's existence, the perils of supporting a city's second club and having Joey Barton as your manager, plus Kevin regales us with tales of AFC Wimbledon's new stadium with far too enthusiastic vigour.
Yes! It's an extender. In this episode Kevin and Paul are joined by comedian, writer and broadcaster Kevin Day to discuss, in the broadest possible sense of the word, the relationship between stand-up comedy and football, the travails of being a lifelong Crystal Palace fan and, given Kevin B's far more modest comedy background, Paul feels a bit left out when we talk about the stand-up circuit in the early 90s. This is, however, merely part one. The hors d'oeuvres, if you will. Part two to follow later this week.
THE ONE WITH THE CONTROVERSIAL COMEDIAN
Kevin finally gets to talk about AFC Wimbledon's new stadium with fellow Dons' supporter and comedian Bob Walshy Walsh. As well as missing going to games and live gigs, Walshy has missed out on playing the Edinburgh Fringe for the first time in two decades and it's all a bit much. Paul has some shocking news, Bob talks passionately about Wrong Comedy and at some point we find the time to mention groundsharing, the original Plough Lane and a little bit of politics.
THE ONE WITH THE MOST CAUTIONARY OF CAUTIONARY TALES
In Episode 16 Paul and Kevin talk to BBC Radio Manchester's Sanny Rudravajhala and Mark Crossley about the extraordinary tale of the demise of Bury FC (and subsequent formation of Bury AFC). The events that led to their club being expelled from the EFL in August 2019 are scarcely believable but the story forms the basis for their excellent BBC podcast series, Out Of Our League. And don't think this couldn't happen to your club...
Just as football finishes again Time Added on for Sausages returns. We are nothing if not timely. And we are not timely. In this episode both Kevin and indeed Paul talk to Anwar Uddin, diversity and campaigns manager of the Football Supporters Association. Anwar is also currently assistant manager at National League side Aldershot Town and during his playing career was the first British Asian to captain a professional team in the UK. Is the fact that that is still the case in 2020 cause for concern? Is it that there are so few Asians playing in the EFL and National League system that there's no obvious pathway for young Asians to follow, or is it a cultural issue? Anwar talks passionately about his work to ensure that the British Asian community feel that football is inclusive and not exclusive.
THE ONE IN WHICH WE LEARN ABOUT HARPASTUM
In this episode Kevin and Paul learn about the fascinating origins of football in Roman times from TV's Dr Simon Elliott, best-selling author of several books on Roman Britain, go-to historian for archaeological TV shows and Nottingham Forest supporter of more than 50 years. Kevin and Simon also reminisced about seeing Orbital at Glastonbury in 1995 but we edited that bit out.
Produced and edited by Nick Draper
Kevin and Paul are joined by Matt Ford from highly respected German news agency Deutsche Welle to discuss the controversial return of the Bundesliga and whether or not it could signal similar "restarts" for other leagues across Europe (although obviously not Leagues 1 and 2). Matt also does an incredible job of explaining how the highly complex at the best of times German regional fourth tier play off system works, and how the ramifications of Covid-19 have made it even more unfathomable. No music, no theme tunes, no features, just three British people talking with surprising knowledge (in our case) about the machinations of another country's football pyramid. Bonus meat indeed.
THE ONE WITH HIM OFF THE TELLY
He's in Emmerdale, he's played Alan Bennett (the writer, not the former AFC Wimbledon and Cheltenham Town defender) and he was in a hugely successful sitcom in the 1980s but now Reece Dinsdale's career is complete: the featured guest on episode 12 of the 11th most popular football podcast on Podomatic. We talk about his 50+ years as a Huddersfield Town supporter, getting promoted via the three worst play-off games in history and there's even a moment where he conveys a shred of sympathy for Leeds. Extraordinary stuff.
THE ONE IN WHICH WE INTERVIEW A PRESENTER OF SEVERAL FAR MORE POPULAR PODCASTS
In this episode Paul and Kevin's guest is sports broadcaster and social activist and campaigner Charlie Webster. The lifelong Sheffield United supporter talks about the Blades' curtailed but nonetheless extraordinary season, the brilliance of Chris Wilder, the demonisation of young footballers, mental health issues and the media patronisation of "smaller clubs". Don't get us started on fancy floodflights.
THE ONE WITH A LEGENDARY MUSIC PRODUCER
Yes indeed. Stephen Street may indeed be another guest with a QPR connection BUT he's produced albums by The Smiths, Morrissey, Blur, The Courteneers, The Cranberries, and lived to tell the tale. No more QPR people for a while but if you're a fan of indie music as much as we are then give us 80 minutes of your time and listen to the best producer in the business talk about the two things we love the most. Other than our wife and girlfriend, obviously. Especially as Paul works for Mrs Finney...
THE ONE IN WHICH PAUL MAKES A COFFEE
Kevin and Paul are joined by Oxford United's Jamie Mackie, Paul's dog and the sound of him making a freshly brewed cup o' Joe. Paul made the coffee, not his dog, just to be clear. Jamie talks frankly about the occasions he's courted controversy (and not just leaving Exeter for Plymouth), how he was seconds away from single-handedly winning the 2012 Premier League title for Manchester United, the difficulties of playing for Scotland with a Surrey accent and his role at Oxford. He also takes part in a quiz about his time at QPR. This episode features an unplanned but nonetheless excellent review for Ashcombe School in Dorking, Surrey.
Produced and edited by Nick Draper.
THE ONE WHERE ACCIDENTALLY ANNOY PAUL MORTIMER. "I hugged John Robinson and we p*ssed about for 20 minutes." Former Charlton, Crystal Palace, Aston Villa and Bristol City midfield player Paul Mortimer joins Kevin and Paul for a "wide-ranging" chat about the highs and lows of his career and his involvement in campaigns to rid football of the blight of racism. We have another Paul Hutton anecdote and hear from a supporter of perennial underachievers Clyde FC (recorded before the coronavirus outbreak). We've run out of songs. though.
There isn't any football to talk about at the moment but Paul and Kevin make a decent fist of it... this is a short episode, no music, no guests. no anecdotes, just two men in the early 50s wondering the hell is going on
EPISODE 6: THE ONE RECORDED IN A PUB ONCE FEATURED IN THE TV SERIES "MINDER" Paul and Kevin meet for the first time in the 2020s in the Warrington Hotel in London's glittering Maida Vale and one of us has been to a game that featured VAR. Who was it? What game was it? What did we think of it? Here's a clue: there was a sending off.
We also discuss how different the political make-up of the UK would be if the major parties were led by footballers; hear about life as a fan of a Swedish second division team with Magnus Karlsson; get treated to another of Paul Hutton's anecdotes; talk to the band that probably (we've done no research) has the least amount of interest in football in the country; and then play out with said band's cracking cover of one of the best football hits of all time.
This is us, Time Added on for Sausages Episode 6, knowing you, our audience. A-ha.
You can find us on:
Podomatic here: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/sausagepodcast/episodes/2020-01-16T15_18_42-08_00
Soundcloud here: https://soundcloud.com/h3b-media/time-added-on-for-sausages-episode-6
Spotify (link to follow) and Castbox (link to follow).
EPISODE 5: THE ONE IN WHICH A POLICEMAN BUYS US A DRINK MID-SHOW A slightly different "ep" this time - no guests. no anecdotes, no pop stars' dogs, no music, no fans of underperforming clubs; just the two of us talking about racism in football (and the perils of online dating) and summing up some of the year's less outstanding moments. Normal service will be resumed in january with supporters from Öster IF, Excelsior Rotterdam, Hellas Verona and Clyde plus extraordinary covers of football songs by the likes of Kevin Pearce, Bouquet of Dead Crows, The Dan The D and Danny Valentine & The Meditations.
THE ONE WITH A DOG CALLED IGGY PUP JUST ABOUT AUDIBLE Yes, episode 4! If stories about fumigating press boxes, lamenting the end of the fan ownership dream, hearing about what life is like in the fourth tier of German football, finding out what makes for the perfect football song courtesy of a bona fide pop star and listening to an extraordinary version of a classic "soccer hit" can be considered your thing, then this is the football podcast for you.... with Kevin Borras and Paul Finney, as usual.
Up to a point, of course. Football, eh?
THE ONE WITH THE BENNY HILL THEME TUNE RINGTONE ...in which we discuss the merits (or otherwise) of VAR, ponder if throat-grabbing is the new punching, muse on the dangers of posting stats on the BBC Sport Facebook page without checking their validity, hear another of Paul Hutton's randomly selected anecdotes, listen to a special mix of probably the only recorded football song to mention Jussi Jaaskelainen, tactfully ruminate on the minute's silence versus the minute's applause and find out what life is like as an Ebbsfleet United supporter....
EPISODE 1: THE ONE WITH THE TOM WAITS IMPRESSION
How many other football podcasts would mention gluten-free bread, The Handmaid's Tale, Tom Waits, hotel minibars, Anton Otulakowski and Glentoran's slack stewarding in their first episode? Other than this one, obviously...
Join Kevin Borras (9yrspodcast) and Paul Finney (Open All Rs) as they give rise to the theory that no-one in their right mind listens to two middle-aged blokes wibbling on about football.
THE ONE WITH KATE BUSH IN THE BACKGROUND
In our second episode Paul and Kevin eschew the warmth of a radio studio and decide to record the entire episode in the garden of a pub in Barnet, North London. Kevin reads out some emails, Paul gets understandably rather het up about the dismal "punishment" meted out to Bulgaria, we bust a myth, hear from an Orlando City SC supporter and a listener randomly selects another of Paul Hutton's anecdotes from the Golden Age of Capital Gold Sport.
We have our first contribution to our request for bands to send in football songs (and it's a belter), Kevin recounts a story from the 2012 Olympic football tournament and if you listen very carefully you can hear Kate Bush singing in the background. Amazingly we cram all that into 1hr and 26 minutes. Yes, we know, still too long, but shorter than episode 1. By the time we get to episode 26 it'll last for less than half a second.
Football, eh?