The Good Mood Clinic Podcast: Recent Episodes

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WARNING: This episode contains natural bird songs, twigs breaking & leaves crushing underfoot, the occasional breathlessnes and the distant sound of kids playing in a park 😊

Love Wisely is starting again soon! If you have been waiting for your chance to join me for the next 3-month journey to rewrite you Love Template, sign up below!.

What does it really mean for someone to be available for a relationship?

In this walking episode, I explore one of the most painful forms of emotional unavailability: becoming attached to someone who is still entangled with another woman.

Perhaps he says the marriage is over.

Perhaps they still live together “for the children.”

Perhaps he promises that once the separation, divorce or living arrangements are resolved, the two of you can finally have a proper relationship.

Meanwhile, you are left waiting, hoping and accepting small pieces of connection from someone who is not genuinely free to build a life with you.

In this episode, I discuss:

• The difference between being separated and being truly available
• How promises about the future can keep you emotionally invested
• Why intermittent attention and small acts of care can feel so powerful
• The role of abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas
• Why an unavailable person can sometimes feel safer than a real relationship
• How implicit recognition draws us towards familiar emotional dynamics
• Why being given crumbs can slowly erode your self-worth
• The importance of choosing someone who is emotionally and practically free

I also share a personal experience of becoming emotionally attached to a married and unavailable man, and what that experience helped me understand about my own schemas.

If you are waiting for someone’s circumstances to change before they can fully choose you, this episode is an invitation to step back and look honestly at what is being offered to you now.

You deserve more than promises, fragments of attention and a place at the edge of someone else’s life.

Love Wisely

If you have a recurring pattern of becoming attached to emotionally unavailable, avoidant or narcissistic partners, my Love Wisely group coaching experience begins in September.

Inside the program, I guide a small group of women through the process of understanding and intentionally rewriting the unconscious Love Template that has shaped their relationship choices.

Join the Love Wisely priority list through the link in the show notes.

Support the show

🩷 Join Love Wisely (Group) PRIORITY List - we start September!

🎓 NEW - Love Wisely Foundations Course - Get Instant Access!

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Many women tell me they know what an unhealthy relationship feels like but they're much less certain about what a healthy one should feel like.

In this episode, I walk you through nine signs that you're building a healthy, emotionally available relationship during the early stages of dating.

Rather than focusing on red flags, we explore the aspects that signal emotional safety, healthy attraction and genuine compatibility.

In this episode you'll learn:

• What healthy attraction actually feels like
• Why uncertainty is normal in the early stages of dating
• The importance of relationships developing gradually
• Why emotional consistency matters
• How to recognise emotional safety
• When physical intimacy is most helpful for building a healthy relationship
• Why staying true to yourself is essential
• The role of autonomy, authenticity and emotional availability
• Why healthy love often feels different from schema-driven chemistry

If you've ever wondered whether a relationship is moving in a healthy direction, this episode will help you better understand what to look for and what healthy love actually feels like.

Work With MeLove Wisely Group Coaching – my flagship group coaching experience for women ready to break long-standing relationship patterns and create healthier, more secure relationships.

Join the Priority List - we start again in September!!

https://www.drgemmagladstone.com/LoveWisely_Waitlst

Support the show

🩷 Join Love Wisely (Group) PRIORITY List - we start September!

🎓 NEW - Love Wisely Foundations Course - Get Instant Access!

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Situationships aren't new, but today they have a name.

They're often marked by uncertainty, mixed messages, hope, and one person wanting much more than the other.

In this episode, I explore five common signs that you're caught in a situationship that's unlikely to become the relationship you're hoping for.

More importantly, we look at the psychology behind why so many intelligent women find themselves staying in these painful, ambiguous dynamics.

In this episode you'll learn:

• What defines a situationship
• Five signs your situationship is going nowhere
• Why uncertainty can become so emotionally consuming
• How situationships slowly undermine self-worth and confidence
• The role of abandonment, emotional deprivation and other schemas in keeping women stuck
• Why understanding your relationship patterns is the first step towards changing them

If you've ever wondered whether you're holding on to hope rather than evidence, this episode is for you.

Free Masterclass

Why Smart Women Override Red Flags in Dating
Discover the 5 hidden Love Traps that keep women stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns.

Register via the link in the show notes.

Work With Me

Love Wisely Foundations – my self-paced online program.

Love Wisely – my flagship group coaching experience, designed to help women intentionally rewrite their Love Template and break long-standing relationship patterns.

For more information, visit:

www.drgemmagladstone.com

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Have you ever wondered why relationships can feel so emotionally intense?

Why you find it difficult to leave someone, even when you know they're not right for you?

Or why emotionally unavailable partners seem to become a recurring pattern?

In this episode, I explore one of the most important psychological patterns I see in my work with women - the abandonment schema (or abandonment wound).

Drawing on nearly 30 years of experience in psychology and schema therapy, I explain how early experiences of inconsistency, loss, emotional absence or disrupted attachment can quietly shape our expectations of love, influence who feels familiar, and make it much harder to walk away from relationships that aren't meeting our needs.

You'll learn:

• What an abandonment schema actually is
• How it develops during childhood
• Why it often shows up most strongly in romantic relationships
• How it influences attraction and partner selection
• Why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel strangely familiar
• The link between abandonment and overriding red flags
• Why this schema can keep you hoping, waiting and staying far longer than is healthy
• How understanding your abandonment pattern can become the first step towards creating healthier, more secure relationships

If you've ever found yourself repeatedly attracted to emotionally unavailable, avoidant or narcissistic partners, or you've wondered why leaving unhealthy relationships feels so incredibly difficult, this episode will help you understand what's happening beneath the surface.

Free Masterclass

Why Smart Women Override Red Flags in Dating
Discover the 5 hidden love traps that keep women stuck in painful relationship patterns.

Love Wisely Group Coaching
My flagship coaching program, offered only twice each year, where we work together over three months to intentionally rewrite your Love Template and create healthier relationship patterns.

Private Coaching
For women wanting personalised support to understand and change long-standing relationship patterns.

Connect

Website:
www.drgemmagladstone.com

Instagram:
@drgemmagladstone

If you enjoyed this episode, I'd really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or shared it with someone who may need to hear it.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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If you're serious about finding an emotionally available partner, there are some important shifts that can dramatically improve your chances of creating a healthy relationship.

In this episode, I break down the practical dating advice I most often share with my coaching clients. Women who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns and want to approach dating with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust.

One of the biggest misconceptions about dating is that women who end up in unhealthy relationships simply fail to see the warning signs.

In my experience, that's rarely true.

Most women notice far more than they give themselves credit for.

The challenge is often not spotting the red flags—it's understanding the deeper patterns that make it difficult to trust yourself and act on what you already know.

If you're ready to approach dating differently and want to understand the hidden psychological forces that influence attraction and decision-making, this episode is for you.

Free Live Masterclass

Why Smart Women Override Red Flags in Dating (Even When They Know Better)

Discover the 5 hidden love traps that keep women stuck in painful relationship patterns and learn how to make wiser, more self-honouring decisions in dating.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Have you ever left a date feeling completely conflicted? Part of you feels excited.

Part of you feels anxious. Part of you wants to see them again.

And part of you feels relieved it's over.

In this episode, I explore why dating can feel so confusing and how different parts of ourselves can interpret the exact same situation in very different ways.

Drawing on concepts from Schema Therapy, I introduce three key voices that often show up when we're dating.

You'll learn how old wounds such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness and people-pleasing patterns can quietly influence attraction, decision-making and relationship choices.

I also explore common dating coping modes including

Most importantly, we'll look at how to strengthen the Wise Self - the part of you that can step back, gather information, spot red flags, honour boundaries and make healthier relationship decisions.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why dating can feel so confusing at times
• How vulnerable parts of us influence attraction
• The role of coping modes in dating and relationships
• Why familiarity can be mistaken for compatibility
• How schema chemistry can override good judgement
• The questions your Wise Self needs to be asking
• How to recognise who is currently "holding the microphone"
• Why healthy dating involves learning to date from wisdom rather than from your wound

Resources Mentioned:

Love Wisely Foundations
Love Wisely Group Coaching Program
Dating Profile Check-Up
1:1 Coaching with Dr Gemma Gladstone

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the early warning signs of controlling, narcissistic and potentially coercive relationship dynamics - particularly the subtle behaviours that many women dismiss, minimise or explain away in the beginning.

This episode is not about blame. It is about prevention, awareness and learning to trust yourself earlier.

Gemma breaks down:

• why some controlling behaviours can initially look like care or protection
• how love bombing and boundary crossing often work together
• the subtle ways controlling people gradually erode your autonomy
• why narcissistic and coercively controlling individuals struggle to tolerate your individuality and separateness
• how early manipulation often appears through “small” interactions
• why boundary creeping, guilt, criticism and emotional pressure matter
• the connection between control, entitlement and coercive dynamics
• why many women ignore or override their early instincts
• the importance of recognising what gets in the way of leaving early
• how schemas such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation and self-sacrifice can keep women stuck in unhealthy dynamics

Gemma also discusses:

• emotional manipulation
• intrusive behaviour disguised as care
• isolation tactics
• shame sensitivity and rage reactions
• dependency-building behaviours
• subtle control around appearance, friendships and daily choices
• the psychological function of coercive control

Most importantly, this episode highlights why early recognition matters.

The sooner unhealthy dynamics are recognised, the easier it becomes to protect your sense of self, your wellbeing and your future.

In this episode:

• What coercive control actually is
• Why control often begins subtly
• The difference between care and control
• Early signs of dangerous relationship dynamics
• Boundary crossing and “boundary creep”
• Why love bombing can feel confusing
• How controlling partners gradually isolate women
• Why healthy partners tolerate difference and autonomy
• How schemas can interfere with self-protection
• Why taking relationships slowly matters

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

EXCITING NEWS - Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind program and receive early access benefits

Why do some people constantly put others first, struggle to say no, worry excessively about upsetting people, or feel guilty for prioritising themselves?

In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the deeper psychology behind people pleasing through a schema therapy lens.

This is not simply about being “too nice.” People pleasing is often a learned survival strategy rooted in early relational experiences, attachment dynamics, fear, guilt, conditional acceptance and coping styles developed in childhood.

Gemma unpacks:

• What people pleasing actually is
• Why it develops
• The difference between self-sacrifice, subjugation and approval-seeking
• Why guilt and fear often drive people pleasing behaviours
• How early family dynamics shape self-suppression
• Why some women struggle to set boundaries or speak up in relationships
• The connection between people pleasing and emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners
• How schemas influence dating, relationships and self-trust
• Why people pleasing is often linked to survival, safety and connection
• Small practical steps to begin changing these patterns

This episode also explores:

• Self-sacrifice schema
• Subjugation schema
• Approval-seeking schema
• Abandonment dynamics
• Conditional parenting
• Coping modes and “dating personas”
• The importance of reconnecting with your own needs, preferences and authenticity

If you often:

• Put other people’s needs ahead of your own
• Feel guilty saying no
• Worry excessively about upsetting others
• Need reassurance before making decisions
• Stay quiet to avoid conflict
• Feel anxious expressing yourself
• Struggle with boundaries in dating or relationships

…this episode will likely resonate deeply.

Mentioned in this episode

Gemma also shares details about her upcoming self-study program:
Love Wisely Foundations (coming soon!) - a schema-informed relationship program designed to help women understand and rewrite unhealthy relationship patterns and “love template.”

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

Dating apps can feel like a bit of a horror show at times.

But underneath the frustration, the confusion and the endless swiping… there’s something much deeper going on.

In this episode, I explore how your schemas - particularly abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and people-pleasing patterns - can shape:

• Who you feel drawn to
• What you tolerate
• And why you might ignore your own instincts

I also walk you through a more grounded, intentional way to approach dating apps - not as “dating platforms,” but simply as introduction tools.

Because real dating doesn’t happen on the app.
It happens in real life.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

This episode is a special one - I’m sharing the audio from a recent live masterclass where I walk you through the deeper psychological patterns that drive attraction, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to change them.

If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or self-absorbed partners - even when you know better - this episode will help you understand why.

I explore what’s happening beneath the surface, and what it actually takes to begin shifting these patterns from the inside out.

What you’ll learn

• Why high chemistry is not always a sign of compatibility
• The “love paradox” - wanting one thing, but being pulled toward something very different
• How your early schemas (core emotional patterns) shape who you’re drawn to
• What schema chemistry is and why attraction can feel so compelling - even when it’s not right for you
• The role of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and loss of voice in dating
• Why “just date more” or “choose better” doesn’t solve the problem
• The key stages involved in breaking long-standing relationship patterns
• How to begin rewriting your “love template” so you can move toward emotionally available partners

This episode is for you if…

• You keep finding yourself in similar relationship dynamics
• You’ve dated emotionally unavailable or avoidant men
• You struggle to trust yourself in dating
• You tend to over-give, over-accommodate, or lose yourself in relationships
• You’re ready to understand why this keeps happening - and start doing things differently

These patterns are not random - they are shaped by deeper, often unconscious processes. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift them.

Want to go deeper?

If this episode resonates, I also share more about my Love Wisely group coaching program inside this training.

It’s a 12-week experience designed to help you:

• Understand your patterns clearly
• Work with your schemas
• Build self-trust
• And begin relating in a way that supports the kind of relationship you actually want

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

If dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you.

In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating.

If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel.

In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded.

This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless texting
• Why first dates should be short, simple, and low pressure
• The importance of putting a time boundary around early dates
• Why alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundaries
• Why you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want to
• Why it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for you
• Why it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone new
• Why rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clear
• How to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistry
• Why the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”

Key themes in this episode:

This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process.

It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating:

Dating is data.

Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you.

If this episode resonated:

If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d be so grateful if you left a quick review on Apple Podcasts. It really does help more women find the show.

And if this episode made you think of someone in your life, feel free to share it with them.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

In this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing.

Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship.

This is a surprisingly common dynamic.

Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs?

In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives.

We discuss:

• Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationships
• The difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglect
• How early experiences can shape someone’s emotional style
• The role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationships
• Why feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clue
• How to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partner
• Questions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationship
• How to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific way

Sometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question:

“How do I change my partner?”

And instead asking:

“What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?”

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

Hey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join here

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:

Why did I stay so long?
Why didn’t I see the signs earlier?
If only I had done something differently…

Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.

But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.

In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.

And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.

Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:

Grief.

Grief about the relationship.
Grief about what we hoped it would be.
Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.

In this episode, I explore:

• Why regret often keeps us stuck in rumination
• The psychology of counterfactual thinking
• Why self-blame is so common after difficult relationships
• How rumination can block emotional healing
• The grief that often sits underneath regret
• Why painful relationships are not “wasted time”
• How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationships
• How to shift from self-blame to insight and growth
• Simple ways to respond differently when regret arises

I also look at an important reframe:

Relationships are often our greatest teachers.

Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.

When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.

If this episode resonates with you

Many of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:

"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"

Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.

You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

In Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore.

These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability.

In this episode, I explore:

• What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closeness
• The chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulation
• Why repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attention
• Exaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their way
• How to recognise blame shifting early
• Why high chemistry without character is not compatibility
• How to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal data

If you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you.

I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

Not all red flags are equal.

Some signal incompatibility.
Others signal something much darker.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• Ignoring your gut
• Giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”
• Talking yourself out of discomfort
• Wanting to be the easygoing, understanding one

This episode is for you.

I explore:

• Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t right
• How subtle pushiness can signal future control
• Why arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlook
• The difference between confidence and entitlement
• How love bombing can be used strategically
• What “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent women

I also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.

This is not about demonising people.
It’s about helping you see clearly.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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Send Gemma a message

Here's a nurturing gift for you

Let me know if you'd like more meditations like this 🩷🩷

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
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Send Gemma a message

Many women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs.

In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns.

You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren.

This episode is especially relevant if you have ever:

• Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationships
• Struggled to name your needs or voice your preferences
• Found yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourself
• Stayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfying

Find out all about the six core emotional needs

Key Takeaway

A healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity.
It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met.

Work With Gemma

• Join the Love Wisely priority list for the April intake
• Stay tuned for details of a free training coming up
• Apply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently available

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:

“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”

If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.

I'll look at three key areas:

• The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.
• Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).
• Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.

I’ll invite you to:

• Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).
• Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.
• Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.

If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating apps
• How our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipe
• Why leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good men
• How schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthy
• How to gently expand beyond your usual “type”
• Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while dating

Resources mentioned:

• Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.
• Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.
• Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

We hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing.

Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection.

In this episode, you will learn:

• What the Emotional Deprivation schema is
  • How it forms in childhood
  • Why it makes it hard to identify and express your needs
• Why you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensity
• How schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patterns
• Ten signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:
  1. Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner world
  2. Has actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows through
  3. Is emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflict
  4. Is predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alert
  5. Is willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversations
  6. Has emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotions
  7. Shows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciated
  8. Allows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacy
  9. Makes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassurance
  10. Is kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generous
• Why emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistency
• A real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical tension drop when she finally dated someone emotionally available
• How to start looking at your own relationship history through the lens of schemas and emotional availability so you can choose differently next time

Gemma finishes with an invitation to reflect gently on your past connections without self blame, and to see emotional availability as something you can both recognise and build, inside yourself and with a partner.

If this episode resonated, please leave a rating or review in your podcast app so more women can find Healing for Love.

Support the show

🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

Dating can stir up every schema you have. If you have a history of emotionally unavailable partners, narcissistic relationships or spending years in situationships that never really went anywhere, getting back out there can feel both hopeful and terrifying.

In this episode I walk you through ten grounded mindset shifts that help you stay in Healthy Adult mode while you date so you can notice red flags, take in green flags and stop abandoning yourself in the process.

I talk about:

• Why dating is data
• How to shift the goal from “finding the one” to “showing up grounded and observant”
• How to stay open to experience and still be discerning
• What it means to embrace ambiguity without losing yourself, especially if you have an abandonment schema
• Why you need to replace “stay positive” with “stay real” so you do not slide into the “super easygoing, no needs” people pleasing role
• The power of focusing on internal milestones, not external outcomes
• How to normalise the emotional rollercoaster of dating when schemas and old attachment wounds get activated
• What it looks like to cultivate self trust over outcome obsession
• How to reframe rejection as clarity, especially when ghosting or avoidant behaviour shows you who someone really is
• Why breaking the pattern of fantasy thinking is essential if you tend to fall for potential rather than reality
• The protective power of letting people reveal themselves over time

This episode is for you if:

• You have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners
• You find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty in early dating
• You often override your needs because you do not want to be “too much” or “difficult”
• You get attached quickly and then feel anxious, preoccupied and on edge
• You want a practical, compassionate framework for dating differently

1:1 coaching
If you would like to explore working with me privately you can email me at hello@drgemmagladstone.com for details on my coaching packages.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.

Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.

You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.

If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.

Takeaways

• Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
• Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
• Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
• Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
• Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
• Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
• You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

If you are asking can this improve, this episode gives you a simple lens. Gemma unpacks two essential capacities that predict whether change is possible in a relationship. You will hear why the brain repeats what is familiar, how schemas drive loops and how to assess real readiness for growth in yourself and in someone you are dating.

In this episode

• Why patterns repeat even when you want something different
• The role of schemas in attraction, conflict and coping
• Two essentials that predict change
• Why avoidance blocks growth
• Dating as data, plus a new way to date with self awareness

Are you ready to join Love Wisely? Doors open again in Feb 26.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send Gemma a message

What limerence really is, why it hooks into our deepest unmet needs and how to gently unhook using a schema-therapy lens.

In Part 2, Gemma explores limerence as a preoccupying, often intoxicating state that’s fueled by unmet needs - with abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas usually at the core. She explains why the brain’s reward systems (hello, dopamine) and a quieted prefrontal cortex can hijack rationality, making red flags easy to miss. You’ll learn practical, compassionate ways to reduce rumination, interrupt mental loops and begin reparenting the vulnerable parts that long for consistent care. Gemma also speaks to when limerence turns into a relationship (and why those tend to be high “schema chemistry”) and offers realistic hope for moving toward grounded, secure love.

Key takeaways

• Limerence = unmet needs + brain rewards. It’s human, common, and often temporary; shame isn’t helpful.
• Schemas under the hood: Abandonment (primary) and emotional deprivation are frequent drivers; attachment style can be a clue, but schemas give the nuance.
• “Schema chemistry” alert: Relationships born from intense limerence often trigger old wounds on both sides.
• Stop feeding the loop: Reduce cues (no social stalking, no photo scrolling). Notice → name → turn your mind.
• Circuit breakers that help: Mindfulness, imagery/rumination interruption, exercise, novelty/learning, supportive people, flow-state activities.
• Reparenting matters: Daily, gentle practices to meet needs consistently will dilute schemas over time.
• When to get help: If limerence becomes distressing, incapacitating or escalates into harmful behaviours, seek professional support.

Practical steps you can try

1. Name it: “This is the limerence loop.”
2. Reduce reinforcement: Unfollow/mute; remove reminders.
3. Shift attention: Choose a grounding task (walk, call a friend, learn something new).
4. Reparenting micro-rituals: Daily check-ins with your vulnerable part; write a brief caring letter to yourself.
5. Track triggers: Note what sparks rumination and plan alternatives.
6. Therapeutic support: Look for schema-informed, experiential work.

Mentioned in this episode

• Coaching spaces now open with Gemma (limited).
• Love Wisely group coaching: next intake planned for late Feb '26 (waitlist in links).
• Reviews really help. Please rate on your podcast app.
• Contact: hello@drgemmagladstone.com

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

View Details

Send us a text

If you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone—checking for “signs,” fantasising a future, and riding waves of hope and anxiety—you may have experienced limerence. In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky, and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs. You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.”

In this episode, you’ll learn

• A plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or love
• The two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)
• How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush alive
• Why limerence can last months or years—and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationships
• The link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)
• Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)

Key takeaways

• Limerence is an internal state—more about your needs than about them.
• Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.
• Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation)—but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.

Try this (starter steps)

• Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”
• Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.
• Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.
• Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.
• Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”

Teaser for Part 2
How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence—and a step-by-step plan to unwind it, rebuild self-trust, and stop repeating the pattern.

Resources mentioned

• The early research on limerence (originating in the late 20th century)
• Attachment theory (context), schema therapy (deeper lens)

Support the show

🎁 Free Guide: Dating With Insight 👉 Download your free guide here
✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely Join the priority list for next group in 2026!

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

🚩 The Red Flag Project
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

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A listener asks: “What exactly is narcissism and how can I tell if I’m dating someone with narcissistic traits?” In this episode, Gemma breaks narcissism down into plain English. You’ll learn why it’s best understood as a personality style on a spectrum, how narcissistic coping modes show up through self-absorption and poor tolerance for your subjectivity and the concrete signs to look for in the early dating stage. We also cover boundaries, reciprocity and practical ways to tune into - and trust - your internal radar.

What you’ll learn

• Narcissism 101: spectrum vs diagnosed NPD; why “narcissistic modes” matter
• The central feature: self-absorption (and why it erodes empathy & reciprocity)
• Early dating indicators: shallow interest, interrupting, image obsession, contempt/arrogance, running down exes, boundary-pushing
• Reality-checks for boundaries & differences: how they handle “no,” cancellations and disagreement
• Why narcissistic dynamics chip away at self-worth and how to protect yours
• A calm process for getting to know someone across contexts (and why to go slow)

Try this - self-check prompts on a date

• Do I feel seen, heard and not rushed?
• Can I say “no” or disagree without payback or sulking?
• Is attention reciprocal over time (not just in bursts)?
• Do their words match behaviour when it costs them something?

Resources & links

• Download: Dating With Insight - After-Date Reflection Guide (free)
• Join the Love Wisely priority list for the next round
• Ask Gemma a question for the podcast: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
• If this helped, please leave a review on your podcast app - it really supports the show.

Support the show

🎁 Free Guide: Dating With Insight 👉 Download your free guide here
✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely Join the priority list for next group in 2026!

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

🚩 The Red Flag Project
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

View Details

Send us a text

Enrollments are Open, Doors Close Wednesday 17th 11:59PM (AEST)

In this short bonus episode, I’m giving you a clear picture of what’s inside my 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely, which begins Wednesday, September 24th.

This program is for women who are ready to break free from old relationship patterns - especially the pull toward emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners and finally rewrite their Love Template so they can choose relationships that feel safe, secure, and deeply fulfilling.

Here’s what you’ll receive inside Love Wisely:
✨ Weekly 2-hour live group coaching calls (recorded if you can’t make it live).
✨ A private online portal with foundational schema lessons, guided worksheets, and meditations.
✨ A private Facebook group, a safe space for encouragement, connection, and support.
✨ Two powerful bonuses: the Healing Your Inner Child mini-course and the Elevate Your Worth audio lesson & self-hypnosis recording.
✨ A special follow-up session in February to help you stay focused, integrate what you’ve learned and start the new year grounded and clear.
✨ And for the first five women who enroll, a complimentary 75-minute 1:1 coaching session with me.

Most importantly, Love Wisely is heart-centred. It’s designed to meet you exactly where you are. Whether you’re dating, taking a break, or feeling disillusioned, you’ll feel nurtured, supported and guided every step of the way.

We begin September 24th and finish on December 17th - the perfect time to complete the program before the holiday season and walk into the new year with clarity, confidence, hope and a plan!

👉 Doors close Wednesday, September 17th at midnight. Enrolment details are in the show notes.

Support the show

🎁 Free Guide: Dating With Insight 👉 Download your free guide here
✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely Join the priority list for next group in 2026!

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

🚩 The Red Flag Project
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

View Details

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Gemma answers the most common questions she’s received about Love Wisely and widens the lens to address the deeper fears and limiting beliefs that stop women from changing their relationship patterns. You’ll learn how schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness/shame, subjugation, approval-seeking and unrelenting standards) quietly shape attraction, tolerance, and your choices and what it looks like to shift from fear-driven decisions to wise, Healthy Adult decisions.

What You’ll Learn Why “I want love” is not neediness and why there’s no shame in wanting a partner, the goal is a good partner. * 5 fears that keep you stuck (and the schemas beneath them): 1. “What if I can’t change?” → defectiveness, hopelessness; how willingness and skills create traction. 2. “What if I’m behind everyone else?” → inner critic, comparison traps; using the paradoxical theory of change (accept where you are to move forward). 3. “I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.” → learned helplessness; why the right framework goes deeper than tips. 4. “Maybe I’m not meant to find love.” → self-fulfilling prophecy; moving from fate to agency and changing actions that drive outcomes. 5. “There’s no one for me / no one could love me as I am.” → defectiveness/shame; how this belief warps dating behaviour and tolerance for crumbs. * Rewriting your Love Template: bringing unconscious maps into the light, strengthening your Healthy Adult, and re-parenting vulnerable parts so they’re not making dating decisions. * A hopeful reframe: your beliefs are learned*, not destiny and learned beliefs can be unlearned.

Key Ideas & Takeaways Limiting beliefs are echoes of the past, not predictions of your future. * Compare yourself only to your own trajectory, not to others. * No relationship is a waste if you extract the learning. * Real change is skills + practice: noticing triggers, choosing different responses, and getting out earlier when needed. * You already have an innate wisdom,* schema work helps you hear it again.

Who This Episode Is ForWomen who want a healthy, emotionally available relationship and are ready to stop repeating patterns with unavailable or narcissistic partners.

Resources & Next Steps Join Love Wisely (12-week transformational group coaching) - doors close Wed 17 September (midnight AEST). First 5 enrolments receive a complimentary 1:1 intention-setting call. Program starts Wed 24 September. * Questions? Email hello@drgemmag*

Support the show

🎁 Free Guide: Dating With Insight 👉 Download your free guide here
✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely Join the priority list for next group in 2026!

🌻 Support the Podcast
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🚩 The Red Flag Project
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When your heart wants closeness but your “old map” keeps pulling you toward distance, you’re stuck in the Catch-22 of attraction. In this episode, Gemma explains how early schemas quietly shape who you’re drawn to, why “chemistry” so often points you toward the familiar (not the healthy), and what it takes to consciously rewrite your Love Template so you can choose emotionally available partners.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What a schema is (quick primer) and why it’s more useful than attachment boxes
• How the Abandonment schema fuels anxious preoccupation, magical thinking, and self-fulfilling patterns
• Why Emotional Deprivation normalises giving a lot while rarely feeling seen or nurtured
• How Defectiveness/Shame covertly lowers your standards and tolerates poor treatment
• The role of Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice in silencing yourself early, then staying too long
• Why attraction isn’t random and how your Love Template (old map) picks partners for you on autopilot
• The Healthy Adult shift: moving from familiar chemistry to choosing steady, emotionally available partners

Key takeaways

• Attraction pulls toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s good.
• “I’ll just go with the flow” keeps you on autopilot; intentional dating rewrites the outcome.
• Knowledge is power BUT applied knowledge (with guidance) is transformation.
• Your patterns in romance often ripple into career, friendships, and self-worth, change one, and others shift.

Try this this week

1. Name your top 1–2 schemas you hear in this episode.
2. Write one “Healthy Adult” decision you’ll make before your next date (e.g., “If communication is inconsistent in the first 2 weeks, I’ll opt out kindly and early”).
3. List 3 signals of emotional availability you’ll move toward (e.g., follow-through, steady pace, repair after missteps).

Resources & next steps

• JOIN Love Wisely - NOW OPEN Enrollment closes 17th Sept ▶︎ Learn more

Support the show

🎁 Free Guide: Dating With Insight 👉 Download your free guide here
✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: hello@drgemmagladstone.com
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely Join the priority list for next group in 2026!

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

🚩 The Red Flag Project
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In this episode
I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.

What we cover

• The self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuck
• Love-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)
• Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needs
• Avoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable
• “Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus test
• How to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticism
• The Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patterns

Try this (listener worksheet prompts)

• “Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”
• “Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”
• “How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”
• “What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”

Resources mentioned

• Episode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)
• Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)
• Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partners
  • Live: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AEST
  • Replay available to all who register

Is Love Wisely for you?
If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical.

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Why do caring, empathic women end up doing the heavy lifting in love, staying out of guilt and “rescuing” partners at the expense of their own needs? In this episode, Gemma unpacks the unconscious pull to fix others, how childhood patterns (self-sacrifice, subjugation, emotional deprivation) set the stage, and the real cost of over-functioning. You’ll learn how to shift from “fixer” to “feeler,” build healthy entitlement, and make self-supporting choices, even when guilt shouts loudly.

Key Takeaways

• Rescuing often masks self-abandonment learned in childhood; guilt can keep you stuck.
• “Too much empathy” without objective distance leads to empathic distress and burnout.
• Ask: Am I a partner or a parent/therapist/saviour in this dynamic?
• Build healthy entitlement: your needs matter and boundaries are an act of care.
• Shift from fixing them to feeling you: journal, re-parent, seek support, and challenge all-or-nothing beliefs.

Try This (Journal Prompts)

• “If I weren’t rescuing here, what feelings in me would surface?”
• “What belief equates caring for myself with hurting someone else?”
• “Where did I first learn that love = self-sacrifice?”
• “What would healthy reciprocity look like this week (one tangible boundary)?”

Resources Mentioned

• Free Live Masterclass (Sept 10) – The Psychology of Attraction: Why We Bond with Emotionally Unavailable Men (replay available).
• Work with Gemma – Coaching & the Love Wisely program (for women ready to rewrite their love template).

Rate & Review
If this helped you, a quick review on Apple or Spotify helps other women find the show. Thank you for being part of this work.

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Every past relationship leaves clues.
Patterns you’ve fallen into.
The kinds of people you’re drawn to.
The roles you find yourself playing without even realising it.

In this episode of Healing for Love, I’m walking you through 6 powerful reflection questions to help you see your love life more clearly and prepare you to approach dating in a new way.

These are the same questions I explore with my Love Wisely clients, because when you understand your patterns, you can finally break them.

The 6 Questions:
1️⃣ What patterns keep showing up?
2️⃣ What ‘types’ of partners are you drawn to?
3️⃣ What deeper patterns (schemas) might be playing out?
4️⃣ What role did you take on?
5️⃣ What did you tolerate that you wouldn’t today?
6️⃣ What red flags did you see but explained away?

This isn’t about blame! Don't get self-critical or judgmental, this is just about clarity. Because clarity is the first step to creating a different future in love.

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Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I walk away sooner?” You’re not alone — and it’s not about weakness or denial. In this episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores seven powerful psychological reasons we tend to ignore red flags in relationships — especially in the early stages.

Drawing on schema therapy, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience, Gemma breaks down why patterns like schema chemistry, abandonment fears, self-doubt, and people-pleasing keep us stuck in emotionally harmful dynamics — even when we know something feels off.

Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on the past, this episode offers deep insight and gentle guidance to help you recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You’ll learn:

• What schema chemistry is — and how it hijacks your attraction radar
• Why self-doubt and schemas like defectiveness or dependence make it hard to trust yourself
• The role of the abandonment schema in keeping you hooked
• How emotional deprivation creates low expectations in love
• Why people-pleasing, guilt, and over-responsibility make it hard to leave
• What it means to rewire your “love template”
• How to start showing up for yourself in new ways

Mentioned in this episode:

• Love Wisely Group Coaching — now closed for enrollment. Join the waitlist here for the next round starting September 2025
• The Red Flag Project Course — our online course to help you break toxic patterns and spot red flags early

✨ Reminder: If this episode resonates with you, follow the show and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Let’s break the cycle — together.

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Meet Sophie, a 37-year-old woman who spent years feeling stuck in painful relationship cycles. Like many women I work with, she kept attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic men — despite knowing, deep down, that something wasn’t right.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through Sophie’s journey: from identifying her relational schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, and subjugation), to understanding how her childhood shaped her “love template,” to the powerful moment she made a clear commitment to change.

We’ll explore how she:

• Finally ended a 7-year relationship that drained her emotionally
• Identified red flags and stopped rationalising harm
• Rebuilt self-trust by healing her inner vulnerable child
• Let go of the idea that she had a specific “type”
• Started dating with emotional clarity, rather than fear or old patterns

This transformation is exactly the kind of work we do inside Love Wisely. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” — this episode is for you.

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In this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.

From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.

What You'll Learn:

• Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafe
• The role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harm
• How early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instincts
• What trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuse
• Key psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hard
• Why we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generation

Gemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:

• What would I tell my younger self?
• What would I say to a friend in this situation?

👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.

💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.

Support the show

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In this solo episode, Gemma explores one of the most foundational concepts when it comes to healing relationship patterns—the abandonment schema.

Whether you're currently dating or in a long-term relationship, understanding your own abandonment schema and how it influences your emotions, choices, and reactions is essential for cultivating emotional safety and secure connection.

Gemma explains:

• What the abandonment schema is and how it develops
• How it shows up in dating and relationships (from clingy overcompensation to total avoidance)
• The 3 common coping styles triggered by this schema—and how they quietly sabotage your love life
• Why working with your vulnerable child mode is key to healing the abandonment wound
• 3 powerful reparenting practices to begin calming your inner alarm system and making more grounded, self-honoring choices in love

Support the show

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The Red Flag Project – Learn how to break free from toxic relationship patterns – theredflagproject.com
Schema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma Gladstone

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In this mailbox episode, we dive into a listener question from Amy (name changed for privacy), who is struggling with the trauma bond with her narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother. Amy shares her experience of emotional neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, and rejection—all while navigating the complicated reality of trying to maintain boundaries.

Drs. Gemma and Justine discuss:
✔ What a trauma bond with a parent looks like – Why it’s so difficult to break free
✔ The cycle of hope & rejection – Why emotionally neglectful parents keep you in a state of longing
✔ How narcissistic parents offload their shame onto their children – Understanding the “shame exchange”
✔ Why boundaries feel impossible with a narcissistic mother – The emotional toll of walking on eggshells
✔ Grief and healing – The painful but necessary process of accepting that your mother will never be the mother you needed
✔ Moving forward – Why reparenting yourself is key, and how to start choosing healthier relationships

This is a deeply validating episode for anyone struggling with a difficult or narcissistic parent. If you’ve ever felt stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, confused by your mother’s inconsistent behavior, or burdened with guilt for setting boundaries, this discussion is for you.

🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
📌 Episode 104 – Understanding Trauma Bonds
📌 The Red Flag Project – Learn how to break free from toxic relationship patterns – theredflagproject.com
📌 Schema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma Gladstone

Support the show

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In this episode, Dr Gemma takes a deep dive into one of the most common and persistent life patterns—people-pleasing. If you've ever found yourself constantly prioritizing others' needs over your own, struggling to say no, or feeling exhausted from always trying to keep the peace, this episode is for you.

She explores:
✅ What people-pleasing really is and why it’s not just one behavior but a collection of patterns
✅ The three main schemas that drive people-pleasing
✅ How early experiences and conditioning shape this pattern and why it can be hard to break
✅ Six powerful self-reflection questions to help you tune into yourself, your needs and your emotions

These six foundational questions are designed to help you:
🔹 Reconnect with who you really are beneath years of learned behaviours
🔹 Identify what you truly want, need, and believe—instead of looking outward for validation
🔹 Start making decisions from a place of self-awareness and confidence

If you’ve been a chronic people-pleaser and you’re ready to start shifting this pattern, this episode will give you practical first steps to create real change.

Resources & Links:

🔹 Learn more about The Red Flag Project: theredflagproject.com
🔹 Upcoming Therapist Webinar – Supporting Clients with Narcissistic Parents (March 27th) – Early bird discount ends March 8th! Registration Link

https://podcast.feedspot.com/australian_psychology_podcasts/
https://podcast.feedspot.com/mood_podcasts/

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Episode Description:
Are you dating someone new and wondering if they’re truly a good match? Or do you have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners? In this episode, Gemma breaks down The 7 Deadly Sins of the Narcissistic Dater—key warning signs that indicate deeper personality issues and potential toxic relationship dynamics.

These signs often reveal themselves early—sometimes even on the first date. Recognizing them before you get emotionally invested can save you from heartbreak and manipulation.

These behaviors aren’t just annoying quirks—they’re significant predictors of toxic relationship patterns. I also share 2 real success stories from women who’ve identified these red flags early, broken their old patterns, and found secure, emotionally available partners.

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Episode Overview:
In this engaging Q&A episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone answers two listener questions, diving into the nuances of emotional availability in relationships and managing complex dynamics with a narcissistic parent.

Key Topics Covered:

1. Emotional Availability in Relationships
   • How to assess emotional availability beyond just words like "I love you."
   • Why actions, consistency, and reliability are key indicators of emotional connection.
   • Navigating personal triggers while building a secure relationship.
2. Dealing with a Narcissistic Parent
   • Supporting a partner who is enmeshed with a controlling or manipulative parent.
   • Setting healthy boundaries and fostering autonomy without becoming the "fixer."
   • How schema therapy offers insight into narcissistic family dynamics and coping strategies.

This episode offers relatable insights for anyone navigating relationship challenges or family complexities. Whether you’re questioning emotional availability in a partner or dealing with a narcissistic parent, Dr. Gemma provides practical advice, grounded in schema therapy, to help you move forward.

Healthy relationships are built on emotional availability, mutual respect, and consistent actions. Understanding the deeper dynamics in family or romantic relationships can empower you to set boundaries, support yourself and others, and foster meaningful connections.

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Episode Overview:
In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Dr. Justine Corry shares her experience of family estrangement, reflecting on her relationship with a narcissistic mother and the impact on her life. Dr. Gemma Gladstone joins the conversation as they both discuss the psychological toll of estrangement and how schema therapy can help individuals heal and move forward.

Key Topics Covered:

• What drives estrangement and why it’s never an easy decision.
• The role of schemas in shaping family dynamics and coping mechanisms.
• Personal reflections on living without a parent and how to navigate the associated grief and loss.
• Understanding the motivations and limitations of difficult family members, including narcissistic parents.
• How self-preservation and boundaries can lead to healing and healthier relationships.

If you’ve ever struggled with a difficult family relationship, faced the possibility of estrangement, or want to better understand the psychology behind toxic family dynamics, this episode provides both professional guidance and heartfelt relatability.

Estrangement is never easy, but understanding the dynamics at play can help bring clarity and healing. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to move forward and build a life that aligns with your well-being.

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Happy New Year! In this first episode of 2025, Gemma invites you to reflect on the life scripts and recurring patterns that no longer serve you and take intentional steps toward rewriting them. Life scripts are the unconscious stories and patterns that shape how we think, feel, and behave, often holding us back from living authentically and joyfully.

By unpacking and letting go of these outdated narratives, we create space for personal growth, healthier relationships, and a life aligned with our true selves.

In This Episode, Gemma Discusses:

• What Are Life Scripts?
  • How they differ from schemas and influence our decisions and behaviors.
  • Examples of common life scripts, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt.
• The Connection Between Life Scripts and Schemas:
  • How schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and unrelenting standards often underpin these scripts.
• Three Common Life Scripts:
  1. People-Pleasing: "I need to make everyone happy to be loved."
  2. Perfectionism: "If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m not good enough."
  3. Self-Doubt: "I’m not capable or as good as others."
• How to Let Go of Limiting Life Scripts:
  • Identify the Script: Recognize the recurring patterns or schemas that are holding you back.
  • Visualize Change: Imagine life without the script—what would it look like?
  • Create a Mantra: Use affirmations to focus your intention and remind yourself of your growth.
  • Take Small Steps: Start with achievable actions, like setting a boundary or reframing a critical thought.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • Gemma shares powerful success stories of clients who rewrote their scripts and transformed their lives.

As we begin 2025, this episode is your invitation to reflect, reset, and take steps toward letting go of the old scripts holding you back.

P.S. If you’re ready to go deeper and tackle your life scripts with focused 1:1 coaching, Gemma has limited spots available for new clients. Reach out at reception@goodmood.com.au to enquire.

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Welcome to the final Episode for this year! We will be back with new episodes in 2025.

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In this episode of we dive deep into the "martyr mode," a coping style often discussed in schema therapy. We explore what it means to have a martyr complex or mode, how it shows up in relationships, and the emotional dynamics that fuel this behaviour.

Key topics covered include:

• The defining traits of the martyr mode and how it may stem from deeper emotional wounds, unmet needs and emotional deprivation.
• The guilt-inducing and manipulative aspects of martyr behaviour, and its impact on relationships with children, partners, and others.
• How this mode can flip between seeking validation, playing the victim, and striving for indispensability.
• Insights into the covert ways martyrs seek emotional control and validation, often leaving others feeling resentful or guilty.
• Practical advice for recognizing and addressing martyr tendencies in yourself or dealing with someone exhibiting this behavior.

Whether you're navigating a relationship with someone in this mode or noticing these patterns within yourself, this episode offers valuable insights and strategies for creating healthier dynamics.

If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to FOLLOW the show and share it with others who might benefit from this discussion.

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Healthy Adult Daily Practice: An Intentional Reflection Tool

In this episode, Gemma introduces a practical tool called Healthy Adult Daily Practice, designed to help you strengthen and nurture your Healthy Adult mode. Building on the foundational features of the Healthy Adult mode discussed in the previous episode, this episode walks you through a simple, intentional practice that can be integrated into your daily life to promote emotional resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• What is the Healthy Adult Mode?
  • A quick recap of its foundational characteristics: mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and more.
  • How embodying the Healthy Adult mode supports wiser, more compassionate decision-making and self-management.
• Healthy Adult Daily Practice Tool:
  • Set Your Intention: Choose one Healthy Adult quality (e.g., patience, empathy, gratitude, self-care) to focus on for the day.
  • Daily Embodiment: Actively embody this quality in your actions, thoughts, and interactions throughout the day.
  • End-of-Day Reflection: Evaluate how you embodied this quality, reflect on challenges, and identify lessons learned for future growth.
• Why This Practice Works:
  • The importance of intentionality and repetition in developing new neural pathways.
  • How this practice builds emotional resilience and integrates Healthy Adult traits into your personality over time.

By engaging with this tool, you'll build greater self-awareness, foster healthier relationships, and develop the emotional resilience to face life's challenges with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Questions for Healthy Adult Daily Practice:

1. What Healthy Adult quality will I focus on tomorrow?
2. Why is this quality meaningful or important to me right now?
3. How do I plan to incorporate this quality into my daily life?
4. How did I embody this quality today?
5. What challenges did I face in practicing this quality?
6. How did this practice influence my interactions, decisions, or emotions?
7. What did I learn about myself during this practice?
8. Will I continue to develop this quality? If so, how?

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In this episode, Gemma dives into the cornerstone of schema therapy: the Healthy Adult mode. This is the part of us that represents balance, wisdom, and compassion—our best self that helps us navigate relationships, emotions, and life’s challenges effectively.

What You’ll Learn:

1. Mindfulness: Why mindfulness is the foundational building block for self-awareness, self-reflection, and personal growth.
2. The Healthy Adult as Executor: How this mode acts as the caretaker, director, and overseer of all other modes.
3. The Wise and Courageous Self: The importance of facing reality, leaning into discomfort, and making wise, courageous decisions.
4. The Compassionate Self: How to practice genuine compassion toward yourself and others without overextending or self-sacrificing.
5. The Good Parent: Prioritizing meaningful self-care and addressing unhealthy coping strategies to nurture yourself like a loving parent would.
6. Self-Awareness and Growth: Recognizing your schemas and embracing psychological awareness to create meaningful change.
7. Flexibility and Openness: Developing an open, adaptable mindset to navigate life’s ups and downs without rigidity.

Why This Episode Matters:

Understanding and strengthening your Healthy Adult mode is central to breaking unhelpful patterns and living authentically. Gemma shares practical insights and strategies to help you embrace this transformative aspect of yourself.

Resources Mentioned:

• Book recommendation: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young.
• Previous episode: "You’re Not Your Diagnosis."

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In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the concept of trauma bonding, shedding light on why some people feel emotionally tethered to unhealthy or toxic relationships. Drawing from listener questions she explores the psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, including the powerful dynamic of the "good-bad ratio" and how it can replicate patterns from childhood.

Gemma also discusses how schemas—such as abandonment, mistrust/abuse, and defectiveness—can make individuals more vulnerable to trauma bonding and highlights the role of manipulative behaviors like love bombing, gaslighting, and boundary-pushing in these relationships.

If you've ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship or felt stuck in cycles of abuse, this episode is essential listening.

Topics Covered:

• What is a Trauma Bond? How emotional connections form in abusive or toxic relationships.
• The Abuse Cycle: Key stages like love bombing, boundary-pushing, and manipulation that create and reinforce trauma bonds.
• The Role of Schemas: Why unresolved schemas, such as abandonment or mistrust/abuse, make it harder to leave.
• Breaking the Cycle: How understanding the "good-bad ratio" in relationships can help you regain clarity and self-worth.
• Red Flags to Watch For: Love bombing, arrogance, and other warning signs of toxic relationships.
• How to Heal: The importance of schema work, slowing down in relationships, and taking steps toward self-reflection and recovery.

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This episode will resonate with anyone struggling with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to others and those who feel “stuck” in cycles of overgiving.

In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the self-sacrifice schema, exploring how it manifests, its origins in family dynamics, and the toll it takes on those who constantly prioritize others over themselves. This schema, often seen in people who struggle with setting boundaries, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Gemma delves into the drama triangle—the roles of victim, rescuer, and persecutor—and explains how these dynamics often shape and reinforce the self-sacrifice schema. Additionally, she examines the enmeshment schema, which often appears alongside self-sacrifice, further complicating one’s ability to differentiate personal needs from the needs of others.

Topics covered include:

• Defining the Self-Sacrifice Schema: How it drives people to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even to their detriment.
• Origins of the Schema: Common family dynamics that foster self-sacrifice, such as growing up with an over-entitled or narcissistic parent, or being cast into the rescuer role in the drama triangle.
• The Schema's Impact on Relationships: Why those with a strong self-sacrifice schema often attract self-absorbed partners and struggle to set boundaries.
• Enmeshment and Self-Sacrifice: How enmeshment can fuel self-sacrifice by creating a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and well-being.
• Schemas and Coping Styles: Different coping modes, including surrendering to, avoiding, or overcompensating for the schema.
• The Role of Guilt and Empathic Distress: How these emotions fuel self-sacrifice behaviors and make it difficult to prioritize self-care.
• Practical Exercises: Techniques like chair work to identify core beliefs tied to self-sacrifice and to build a healthier relationship with oneself.

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited.
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited.
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

In this episode, Gemma explores the emotional and psychological barriers that often arise when dating. Whether you’re re-entering the dating scene or currently navigating it, this episode will help you identify and manage common sources of anxiety.

Topics discussed:

1. Fear of rejection or judgment
2. Pressure to make a good impression
3. Attachment styles and schemas
4. Overthinking and self-criticism
5. Fear of repeating past patterns
6. Cultural and societal expectations
7. Uncertainty of the unknown
8. Physical and mental effects of anxiety

Throughout the episode, Gemma offers mindset shifts and practical tips to help you feel more calm, confident, and authentic in your dating journey.

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.

They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.

Key Takeaways:

• The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.
• It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.
• Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awareness, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and well-being.

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: JustineandGemma@goodmood.com.au
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.

Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can be a "numbers game," but also treat it as an experiment to learn about yourself and others.
• Be Yourself: Avoid putting on a persona or hiding your needs to please someone else. Authenticity is essential, as it leads to attracting partners who value the real you.
• Recognizing Red Flags Early: Pay attention to early signs of emotional unavailability, such as inconsistent communication or avoidance of meeting in person. Spotting these red flags early can help you avoid wasting time on people who aren't right for you.
• Self-Reflection: When dating, reflect on how y

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In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:
  We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.
• Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:
  We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.
• Common Scenarios in Dating:
  We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.
• Reframing the Narrative:
  We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lead to a desired relationship. It's often more about the other person's readiness for commitment.
• Strategies for Healing:
  Practical advice on how to approach dating intentionally and slowly, allowing for emotional healing and self-discovery.
• The Importance of Healthy Boundaries:
  We discuss how setting boundaries can help in finding the right partner and avoiding the pitfalls of casual relationships when seeking something deeper.
• Understanding Male Perspectives:
  Insights into how men may approach relationships differently and how this can affect women's emotional experiences in casual encounters.

Takeaway Messages:

• If you identify with having an abandonment schema, it’s crucial to question whether casual sex aligns with your emotional needs and goals in relationships.
• Building a new narrative around self-worth can lead to healthier dating practices and more fulfilling connections.
• Healing from emotional wounds requires active engagement and sometimes means saying no to casual encounters.

Navigating relationships in today's casual sex culture isn't easy, especially for those with emotional wounds. A conscious approach to dating—taking things slow and understanding your needs—is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

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In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.

Gemma and Justine gently guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.

Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.

Topics discussed:

• Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.
• Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.
• Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection, or avoidance of difficult topics are often red flags for emotional unavailability—even when a partner seems attentive in other areas.
• The role of schemas: How an abandonment or anxious attachment schema can make us question ourselves, causing us to overlook or minimize important warning signs in relationships.
• Balancing green and red flags: Why even a relationship filled with positive traits can be problematic if subtle, but significant, red flags are undermining emotional intimacy and trust.

This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating the complexities of dating, especially if you're finding it difficult to interpret mixed signals. Justine and Gemma remind us that trusting your gut and recognizing your schemas can help you make clearer, more empowered decisions in relationships.

**Reach out to us by email if you are interested in our new exciting group coaching program "Date Differently".

Information about private coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine** email us: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.
• The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.
• Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.
• Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeper connection.
• Healing and Moving Forward: Gemma and Justine encourage setting boundaries and communicating needs clearly, while also doing the inner work to heal the wounded child. This helps avoid reinforcing harmful emotional patterns and promotes healthier relationships.

Tips for Listeners:

• Recognize Your Emotional Needs: If casual sex leaves you feeling hurt or triggered, it’s essential to acknowledge the role your abandonment schema may be playing.
• Be Honest With Yourself: Are you hoping for something more from your partner? It’s crucial to recognize when you’re longing for a deeper emotional connection that the other person may not be able to provide.
• Set Clear Boundaries: If casual sex is not working for you emotionally, it might be time to reassess your boundaries and be upfront about what you want from your relationships.
• Focus on Healing: Work on healing your core abandonment wounds through therapy or self-reflection to reduce vulnerability in intimate situations.

Resources Mentioned:

• Schema Therapy and Abandonment Wound Healing
• Previous episodes on dating and the abandonment schema (Parts 1 & 2)
• Join the conversation on Instagram: @theredflagprojectofficial
• Visit our websites: theredflagproject.com | goodmood.com.au

Stay Connected: Subscribe to the podcast for more insightful conversations about relationships, emotional healing, and overcoming personal barriers.

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In this episode, we unpack the complexities of the entitlement schema—a schema that's often linked to narcissistic traits and one that rarely brings individuals to therapy. Unlike schemas like abandonment or self-sacrifice, those with an entitlement schema often believe their way of thinking is justified, which makes it hard to seek change. We explore how this schema is formed, how it manifests in relationships, and what it takes for someone to recognize and work on it. This episode is particularly useful for those in relationships with someone exhibiting entitlement or for parents wanting to avoid fostering this trait in their children.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Entitlement Schema Basics:
   • Entitlement schema involves a belief that one’s needs and desires trump others, often without consideration for reciprocity.
   • Unlike other schemas, those with entitlement often don’t recognize it as a problem, making it difficult for them to seek help.
2. Connection to Narcissism:
   • The entitlement schema is closely linked to narcissism, with individuals often displaying a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and demanding behavior.
   • People with this schema rarely self-reflect and are usually satisfied with their approach to life, making therapy engagement rare.
3. Two Main Origins of Entitlement:
   • Overindulgence in Childhood: Children who grow up without learning limits or consequences may develop a sense of entitlement.
   • Overcompensation for Emotional Deprivation: Those who felt unseen or neglected may overcompensate by developing an entitlement schema to meet their unmet needs in adulthood.
4. Entitlement in Relationships:
   • Entitlement can cause significant strain in relationships, often pairing with someone who feels under-entitled or self-sacrificing.
   • These dynamics lead to an imbalance, with the entitled partner often making decisions unilaterally and disregarding the needs of others.
5. Challenges in Therapy:
   • People with an entitlement schema may only seek therapy when their relationships are on the rocks or they are losing important connections.
   • Therapy focuses on building rapport and slowly confronting the entitlement through empathic confrontation, helping the person recognize the impact of their behavior.
6. How to Recognize Entitlement in a Partner:
   • Lack of empathy or curiosity about your needs.
   • Always prioritizing their own desires and making decisions without consultation.
   • Low tolerance for frustration, impulsivity, or demanding behavior.
7. Managing Entitlement in Relationships:
   • Establishing clear boundaries is key, but can lead to pushback or anger from the entitled partner.
   • Partners often feel like they need to subjugate their own needs, which can lead to long-term resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Takeaway Message: Recognizing and addressing entitlement in relationships is challenging but necessary. It requires both partners to work on understanding schemas and finding healthier ways to communicate and meet each other’s needs. For those with an entitlement schema, change is possible, but it takes time, empathy, and a willingness to confront deep-seated patterns.

Information about private therapy/coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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Episode Summary:
Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.
• Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.
• Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).
• Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.
• Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).

Practical Advice:

• Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.
• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenges can help shift this deep-seated belief.
• Break the Cycle: Recognize the coping behaviors that reinforce the failure schema and actively work to change them. Whether it's avoidance, surrender, or overcompensation, addressing these patterns is key to overcoming the schema.

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Episode Summary: In this episode, Gemma tackles a listener's question about break-up recovery and the elusive concept of closure. Drawing from her extensive experience as a therapist over the last 25 years, she provides practical advice on healing after a painful breakup, dealing with love bombing, and managing lingering feelings.

Key Points:

1. Introduction to Listener's Question:
   • A listener, referred to as "Lisa," shares her experience of a difficult breakup with a partner who exhibited love-bombing behavior.
   • Lisa is conflicted about seeking closure by expressing her feelings to her ex versus moving on without further contact.
2. Understanding Love Bombing:
   • Gemma explains the dynamics of love bombing and its association with narcissistic traits.
   • The importance of recognizing red flags early in relationships.
3. Healing Tips Post-Breakup:
   • No Contact Rule: Avoid all forms of contact with the ex-partner, including social media, to facilitate healing.
   • Avoid Rumination: Recognize and interrupt patterns of overthinking and counterfactual thinking to prevent emotional stagnation.
   • Validate Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings of grief and sadness as a natural part of the healing process.
4. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:
   • Techniques to become aware of and manage unhelpful thoughts.
   • The role of self-compassion in validating and soothing your emotional pain.
5. Avoiding Rebound Relationships:
   • The dangers of jumping into new relationships or casual encounters too soon.
   • The importance of self-reflection and understanding personal patterns before starting a new relationship.
6. The Concept of Closure:
   • Differentiating between seeking resolution and seeking closure.
   • Understanding that closure often involves needing something from the other person, which may not always be possible.
   • The importance of finding closure within oneself rather than relying on external validation or apologies.

Resources Mentioned:

• The Red Flag Project: A comprehensive course on identifying and understanding red flags in relationships. For more information, visit redflagproject.org

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In today's episode, Gemma explores the impact of Defensiveness on relationships, its root causes, and practical steps to overcome it.

Key Points:

1. Defensive Phrases:
   • Common examples: "It's not my fault," "You always," "You never," "You're overreacting."
   • Recognize these as signs of defensiveness.
2. Impact on Relationships:
   • Defensiveness is a relationship killer, identified by John and Julie Gottman as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."
   • High levels of defensiveness can predict relationship breakup and divorce.
3. Triggers and Responses:
   • Often triggered by low to medium-level criticisms or requests from a partner.
   • Immediate emotional responses include feelings of threat, anger, and injustice.
4. Behavioral Patterns:
   • Refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.
   • Redirecting blame or overly justifying actions.
   • Counterattacking or withdrawing.
5. Underlying Causes:
   • Common schemas involved: defectiveness, emotional deprivation, mistrust, subjugation.
   • Often stems from childhood experiences with critical or narcissistic parents.
6. Steps to Overcome Defensiveness:
   • Reflect on defensive incidents when calm.
   • Identify triggers and feelings.
   • Recognize the part of yourself you're defending.
   • Acknowledge and validate your vulnerable inner child.
   • Reassure the defensive part of you that you're now an adult and safe.
   • Practice responding calmly and reasonably.
7. Practical Exercise:
   • Sit quietly and recall a recent defensive episode.
   • Identify your reaction and underlying feelings.
   • Visualize a conversation with your inner child and defender.
   • Reassure them and imagine a healthier response in future interactions.

Conclusion: Defensiveness is common but can be managed with self-awareness and compassionate inner dialogue. Reflect, identify triggers, and practice calm responses to improve relationship dynamics.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!Schema Circle Membership - Join Now!

Reparenting is at the heart of schema therapy and you can learn how to do it yourself.
In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss how to start reparenting yourself and provide several practical suggestions for how to get started. Reparenting is central to psychological and schema healing. The more you practice, the easier it gets and the psychologically integrated and connected you will feel.

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Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Support the Show.

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Get the Free Guide on Breaking the toxic ties of Narcissistic parents

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!Schema Circle Membership - Join Now!

In this episode Gemma discusses what puts people at risk of having narcissistic friends. What are some of the schemas that play a role in this? What can you do if you realise that you have 1 too many self-absorbed people in your life? It can feel demoralizing and you might feel like giving up. Gemma then discusses ways for taking care of yourself and increasing your social contact with others.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Support the Show.

View Details

Send us a Text Message.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!Schema Circle Membership - Join Now!

In this episode Gemma and Justine go back to basics and take a deep-dive into what is schema. This episode will provide you with the basics of what you need to know if you're wanting to understand schemas more thoroughly or are perhaps confused about the concept and can't quite grasp it

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Support the Show.

View Details

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!Today we share a clip from our "Schema In Focus" series in our Schema Circle Membership.
Gemma and Justine discuss this schema in-depth, including its origins, what it feels like, how it is typically triggered and other things to look out for with this schema.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.

Instagram

Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Support the Show.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!In today's episode Gemma discusses the invisible reasons why so many women find it hard to leave an unhealthy relationship EARLY. Based on her experience and knowledge gained from hearing the stories of hundred's of women, Gemma outlines her top 3 schema-related reasons why women don't exit relationships with partners who shows signs of unavailability, control and or narcissism.
Tune in to find out why you may have gone against your best instincts and hung in there too long hoping for your new partner to change.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.

Instagram

Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Join the WAITLIST for the SCHEMA CIRCLE
If you’re enjoying our podcast then come alone and put your name down on the waitlist for the schema circle. That way you’ll hear when we next open the doors for new members. The schema circle is our passion project - our online schema coaching membership. https://www.theredflagproject.com/

Support the show

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!In today's episode we play an excerpt from a deep dive discussion on the abandonment schema from our monthly membership program, The Schema Circle.
We discuss the abandonment schema and fine tune it's origins, what it actually feels like and the many triggers for this schema.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.

Instagram

Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast? If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution? If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

Join the WAITLIST for the SCHEMA CIRCLE
If you’re enjoying our podcast then come alone and put your name down on the waitlist for the schema circle. That way you’ll hear when we next open the doors for new members. The schema circle is our passion project - our online schema coaching membership. https://www.theredflagproject.com/

Support the show

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We talk about this so much with our clients. Sometimes spotting red flags isn't the problem, its acting on them for your own best interests. In today's episode we discuss the main reasons why you might ignore red flags when dating. We look at the role of core schemas such as 'abandonment', 'emotional deprivation' and 'defectiveness' and how these schema can negatively influence our decision making. We think you'll enjoy this one if you have ever struggled with leaving a new relationship even though one part of you knew it wasn't right for you. Hope you enjoy.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.

Instagram

Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCASTThe Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast? If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution? If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

Join the WAITLIST for the SCHEMA CIRCLE
If you’re enjoying our podcast then come alone and put your name down on the waitlist for the schema circle. That way you’ll hear when we next open the doors for new members. The schema circle is our passion project - our online schema coaching membership. https://www.theredflagproject.com/

Support the show

View Details

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

When a schema is triggered, we typically have an urge to respond in 1 of 3 (unhelpful) ways. In this episode Gemma talks about 'over-compensation' as one of those coping style.

Over-compensation (also referred to a counter-attack) is one of 3 maladaptive coping styles discussed in schema therapy.

Gemma reviews examples of over-compensation behaviours associated with each of the 18 schemas (in the original schema model).

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.

Instagram

Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from lovetraps and our online membership The Schema Circle.

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram

Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

ABOUT THE PODCAST

The Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast? If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution? If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

Join the WAITLIST for the SCHEMA CIRCLE
If you’re enjoying our podcast then come alone and put your name down on the waitlist for the schema circle. That way you’ll hear when we next open the doors for new members. The schema circle is our passion project - our online schema coaching membership. https://www.theredflagproject.com/

Support the show

View Details

Dear Therapist, Carer or anyone witnessing the emotional pain & suffering of a client or another person or friend. You are invited to take a breath, stop and notice how you are feeling. Spend 20 minutes doing this compassion-based exercise with Dr Gemma Gladstone as she guides you through a journey of loving-kindness towards both yourself and the person you are choosing to focus on.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Very soon we will be re-launching our Membership Program. Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.
Go to this link to get on the waitlist now for our Schema Circle membership**https://www.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle

Click here to have a look at ALL our resources and products here, including the FREE GUIDE
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Parenting Teenagers
You'll love this episode if you're looking for tips and clues for parenting your teen or tween. In this episode we discuss a question asked by a member of our Schema Circle. The questions asks how to manage and deal with teenagers when they are being "disrespectful" difficult and or angry and you are in the firing line! How can we be the "Lighthouse" for our teens and give them the love , support and inclusion that they need while also having limits an boundaries.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Very soon we will be re-launching our Membership Program. Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.
Go to this link to get on the waitlist now for our Schema Circle membership**https://www.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle

Click here to have a look at ALL our resources and products here, including the FREE GUIDE
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
In today's episode Gemma and Justine answer a question from one of their Schema Circle members. The question asks how can we know if our reaction to a break-up is fuelled by an abandonment schema or not? Before getting into this question, Gemma provides a review of the abandonment schema, it's origin and how it tends to play out in romantic relationships. The 3 ways this schema plays out in romantic relationships are (1) - an avoidance pattern; (2) - a surrendering pattern and (3) - an over-compensating pattern. Gemma gives examples and explains each of these patterns.

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are re-launching our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy?  We'd love to have you join us.  Go to this link to get on the waitlist now for our Schema Circle membership**https://www.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle

Click here to Have a look at  ALL our resources and products here, including the FREE GUIDE

THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

View Details

**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

We are re-launching our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us. Go to this link to get on the waitlist now for our Schema Circle membership**https://www.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In today's episode, we discuss the emotional deprivation schema and how to start to heal this schema from the inside out. This is probably the most common schema - about 50% of people have this schema. It's the one that can be the hardest to recognise because we are often not aware of what we didn't get. Stay tuned to hear us discuss how we start to work with this schema and what you can do in a practical way to start the healing process yourself.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
NEW! Go to this link to get on the waitlist nowhttps://www.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle
We are launching our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

Are you unsure about the difference between these 2 common schemas. In this Bitesize episode we discuss the difference and similarities between these schemas. These schemas are often considered to be 'conditional' schemas in that they develop as a way to cope with and respond to the core schemas - like abandonment for example.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
NEW! Go to this link to get on the waitlist now - Schema Circle Membership Sign up for the early-bird bonuses
We are launching our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.
https://courses.theredflagproject.com/schema-circle

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the concept of disorganized attachment style and challenge the inclination to worry excessively about labels. Join us as we delve into the complexities of disorganized attachment and shed light on why understanding it shouldn't be a source of distress. We'll discuss the limitations of categorization and emphasize the importance of focusing on the underlying experiences and emotions that shape our attachment patterns.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here
THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/
Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/ Talking to a Narcissist? Avoid These 6 Common PitfallsVery often, if you were raised by a narcissist, in adulthood you will more or less fall into the trap of seeking the approval of people who are narcissistic.

A narcissists acceptance of you is often conditional – as long as you are the version of you they want to see, then they treat you well, or at least in an acceptable way.

In this episode Gemma discusses 6 relational or communications pitfalls to avoid when communicating with the difficult narcissist in your life.

These are people who are really difficult to deal with or communicate with, who might gaslight you or try to manipulate you, who might be highly defensive, super sensitive to criticism, self-absorbed/self-centred; have angry outbursts; tantrums; and tend to be blaming of others and sometimes can be - condensending; patronizing and belittling.

Avoid these mistakes:

1. Getting upset and highly emotional (instead stay calm)

2. Trying to get them to understand your perspective (this is a limitation & block for them…accept they will most likely never get it)

3. Expressing how you feel about something (eg, I find those comments very hurtful) . Unfortunately, these types of self-disclosures often irritate the narcissist and they may flip into further over-compensating behaviours

4. Asking permission for something in a self-subjugating way

5. Staying in the firing line.

6. Trying to get their approval / waiting for their approval / waiting for the praise that never comes.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!!** Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here

THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/Don't you hate this! You're had a first great date with someone and then it's all down hill from there. What went wrong?
In this episode Justine and Gemma put this issue under the microscope and dissect the anatomy of this all too common and disappointing senario.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

TRIGGER WARNING - Intimate partner abuse discussed and some sobering statistics of violence/sexual violence against woman are stated.

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!!** Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here

THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In today's episode we speak with Psychologist Leanne Nunn who has recently completed her PhD research on The Earliest Warning Signs of Intimate Partner Abuse. Leanne has over twenty five years of experience as a psychologist in the clinical, management and training sectors. She is also a PhD Student at the University of Tasmania focusing on intimate partner abuse (IPA). She has worked
with women that have experienced IPA or childhood abuse extensively throughout her career, both individually and in groups, across private practice, hospital and community settings.

Summary of research findings:
This qualitative research project focused on listening to the voices of survivors of IPA and identified four key findings:
1) Women witnessed behaviours by the perpetrator early in the relationship that they felt were inappropriate
or concerning or that they simply did not agree with. However, they did not label these behaviours as early
warning signs of abuse, even when they were already very familiar with warning signs of abuse.
2) When women witnessed these inappropriate behaviours, they compromised or pushed down their internal
reactions to them.
3) Every relationship included perpetrators’ intense charm, pursuit, love or excitement.
4) Every relationship included perpetrators’ controlling behaviours that imposed limits on the victim-survivor.

These findings suggest that the socialisation of women (including prioritising their partner’s needs over their own, maintaining the relationship at all costs, and a hope to be ‘swept up’ in their relationship) creates a foundation that
can be manipulated by perpetrators to further enhance their abusive tactics.
There are important implications of this research for primary prevention programs going forward.

Contact for Psychologist Leanne Nunn.
http://www.lmnunn.com/

Link to Lea's book
http://www.lmnunn.com/books/

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We’d love to have you join us.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products here**

THE RED FLAG PROJECT – ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In today's episode we discuss core emotional needs and why they are so important for humans throughout our life. We are born into the world with needs and our emotional, social, physical and psychological well-being depends upon them. Our early care-givers are responsible for meeting our needs and as we grow and develop both ourselves and other people play a role in meeting emotional needs .
The needs discussed are:

• safety, stability & predictability
• secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)
• autonomy & growing independence
• expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)
• spontaneity, creativity & play
• realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control

In schema therapy, early maladaptive schemas develop when these needs are not adequately met or are violated in some way.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We’d love to have you join us.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products here**

THE RED FLAG PROJECT – ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/ In this Episode, Gemma does a solo show talking all about schema triggers and schema activation. She described the trigger chain and how we can break down the components of schema activation - feelings, thoughts, memories, sensations. She describes what action urges are and how they are also part of the schema.
She then outlines the 3 different types of coping responses and how we can start to make some behavioural changes.
Finally Gemma also discusses some tools and strategies to cope with schema activation and the difficult emotions that can arise.

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TRIGGER WARNING - This episode talks about death, dying, grief and breast cancer.

**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products here**

THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In Loving Memory of Astrid von Lojewski-Wilson 16/11/76 - 11/12/19, a beautiful human being, greatly missed every day.

In todays podcast, Gemma talks about the profound impact of losing a close friend through death. She describes her own experience of grief after the death of her close friend from cancer.

Gemma then discusses 5 ways that can help as you navigate your way through the grieving process.

1. Honour your feelings & the reality of your own grief. The death of a friend can sometimes be a form of disenfranchised grief (not acknowledged by others).
   2.Keep up the connection with your friend somehow - keep a continuing bond with your friend via rituals or other ways to celebrate and remember their life (eg, photos, talk to them, write them a letter).
2. Consider their LEGACY. What have they left behind in terms of impact and gifts to your life. How did you learn from them? How can you internalise their wisdom into your own life?
3. Grieve in YOUR OWN way. There are many myths and unrealistic expectations out there about grief and the grieving process - they are not helpful. There are no defined rules or time periods with grief.
4. Remember them with others. Grief can be an isolating experience. Talk about your lost friend with the mutual friends you have. Discuss different memories of them and what you most valued about them.

Also there is a recommendation for seeking out your own professional support if you feel you need some extra help with your grief.
For resources and support in Australia visit:- https://www.grief.org.au/ Blog Post mentioned, the study is cited in this post:-The Profound Significance of a Close Friend's Death

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!!** Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We'd love to have you join us.

Have a look at ALL our resources and products here

THE RED FLAG PROJECT - ECOURSE FOR WOMEN
https://theredflagproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theredflagproject2022/
https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

SCHEMA THERAPY FOR LIFE
https://www.facebook.com/SchemaTherapyForLife
https://www.instagram.com/schema_therapy_for_life/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In schema therapy, 'Modes' are a key part of the model. Schema Modes have been defined as moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses that we all experience. But also, Modes can be understood as 'parts' of self. So modes can be observable to others and/or also a way to conceptualise the idea of multi-selves (ie, that we all have parts of self).

Schema modes are activated by triggers (eg, life situations, memories, interactions with others, our own thoughts & feelings, random events) that we are especially sensitive to (ie, they are salient for us/meaningful to us in some way).

Many schema modes lead us to over or under react to situations and, thus, to act in ways that end up hurting us or others and also reinforcing and perpetuating our schemas.

Today, Gemma and Justine discuss some of the modes that are especially relevant to Narcissism.

These modes are: (1) angry child mode - a core child mode (2) Bully & Attack mode - a coping mode (3) Martyr Mode - a coping mode and (4) Self-Aggrandiser mode - a coping mode. While there are other modes which might be relevant, we discuss these four as particularly important in understanding the behaviours and motivations of the person who is exhibiting narcissistic traits.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss 6 strategies for dealing with difficult family relatives over the Christmas and holiday period. Getting together with family for many, can be a stressful and challenging time.

There are usually lots of unspoken expectations and sometimes old resentments and old hurts which get activated during this time.

Firstly you need to decide on whether you will be attending gatherings with that difficult person or people and then you need to have a plan, including an exit strategy if things don't go well!

Discussion points are:
1. You don't have to respond to critical comments
2. Stay mindful and refrain from getting defensive and making things worse
3. Have a few stock-standard neutral replies or comments pre-prepared
4. Be complimentary to soften the tone and get the difficult person to help out with something if relevant
5. See the person for who they are and know they have their own schemas and modes which shape their difficult behaviours
6. Have a planned exit strategy you can use if necessary.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

In today's episode Justine & Gemma discuss 4 things you can start working on if you think that you might have narcissistic traits or modes.

Typically, if someone tells us they think they are narcissistic, they often are not at all. Most clients who are narcissistic don't present for therapy unless their world is significantly compromised in some way (eg, their spouse splits up with them, they lose their job, they lose friends and people don't want to being around them anymore). Some of our listeners have asks us to do an episode on how narcissists can change.

We have identified 4 key issues/interpersonal problems that the narcissist typically struggles with and we discuss each one describing how you can start to make small changes and improvements in these areas.

The key to all of this is of course, greater self-awareness and learning to tolerate uncomfortable emotions instead of using unhelpful coping behaviours (eg, over-compensation) to suppress or reject those emotions.

The 4 issues discussed are

1. Learning to tolerate another person's subjectivity.
2. Learning to do repairs
3. Owning your contribution to the problem
4. Learning to tolerate shame and guilt without the need to blame others

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.auhttps://www.goodmood.com.au/podcast/

Dr Gemma Gladstone discusses mindfulness to emotions in this extended podcast lesson. Gemma describes what emotions are and the difference between the 5 basic emotions (anger, fear, sadness, disgust and joy) and more complex emotions such as shame.

She discusses why it is so important to acknowledge and experience emotions rather than supressing, blocking and criticising them. She recaps why the parenting practice of Emotion Coaching is so useful for young and developing children and how these practice lead to better skills of emotion regulation in children as they develop.

Gemma also breaks down the several components of an emotion (eg, physical sensations, mood and action 'urges') and differentiates these from the behavioural reactions and coping responses that follow the emotion.

She then breaks down the steps you can take to slow things down, create a mindful pause and experience your emotions more intentionally. By doing so, you are more able to understand your inner emotional experiences and choose to respond differently if you need to.

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

In this episode we discuss a question from a listener in our mailbox series. We love getting your emails and questions!

The Mailbox: My Partner Had An Affair, What Now?
When you find out your partner (who you thought was wonderful) has been unfaithful, this is pretty devastating news to say the least. It's confusing and shocking news, especially if it was completely 100% unexpected.
In this episode we address a listener's question and try to unpick all the components of the question and provide some food for thought and ideas around what factors need to be considered.
Does an episode of infidelity have to mean the end? Can a couple survive an affair and perhaps have an even better relationship? What has to happen for the couple to move on? How can trust be re-established in the relationship and is this even possible?

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

In today's episode we discuss 3 signs that you may want to firm up your psychological boundaries.
The first one is Resentment. Having high levels of long standing resentment is a sign that you have been suppressing your true thoughts and feelings for way too long, perhaps you have been "yes" when you really wanted to say "no". Resentment can be the result of surrendering to your subjugation schema- feeling that you can't speak your mind for fear of retaliation, rejection and disapproval.
The second sign is Burnout. Reaching Burnout means you've hit a wall and you can feel 1) exhausted; 2) reduced fulfilment in life and/or work and 3) general cynicism that often goes with a feeling of reduced empathy for others. This can all be the result of doing too much, putting your own needs last, assuming too much responsibility for others; pushing yourself to your physical and emotional limits; not saying "no" when you really should and pursuing unrelenting standards to your detriment.
The third is Guilt. Guilt is a normal and sometimes useful and valid emotion. But many times we can feel way too much guilt and be driven by unreasonably high levels of this emotion. The self-sacrifice schema is largely driven by guilt - people with a high degree of this schema can be preoccupied by the need to lessen their guilt by overly focusing on the needs of others. Self-care and boundaries are compromised when we also prioritise other people's needs and think that it our job to take away other people's pain and suffering. When we fail to do this enough, we can feel incredibly guilty.

If boundaries are an issue for you, please check out our membership program as it's one of the hot topics we will be addressing in depth. Schema Circle Membership

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle MembershipReady to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy?  We would love to help you in our brand new online  membership.
Have a look at  ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).**
Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/theschemacircle/Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/theschemacircle/

In today's episode we discuss 5 things that difficult parents do. We get so many requests to talk about relationships including the adult parent-child relationship.  No matter what age you are, you can still find yourself caught up in the emotional forcefield of your family or origin and some interactions can take you straight back to childhood.  

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership**Ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy?  We would love to help you in our brand new online  membership. 

Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).

Todays episode is a popular one from a while back.  Encore Episode: 22: Coming to terms with narcissistic parents.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW -- Schema Circle Membership**Ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new membership - The Schema Circle.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Book mentioned:- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.

In this episode we discuss the role that schemas play when try to Emotion Coach our kids. We believe that the parenting style of Emotion Coaching (J Gottman), is the gold standard when it comes to emotional attunement and meeting children's emotional needs. BUT, we all have our own schemas as parents, so how can we be our best when we get triggered?

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**Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW  -- Schema Circle Membership**Ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy?  We would love to help you in our brand new membership - The Schema Circle.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Book mentioned:- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. 

In this episode we discuss the parenting style of Emotion Coaching (J Gottman).  We cover the 5 steps of emotion coaching and discuss how emotion coaching is akin to emotional attunement and helps us to actively meet our children's emotional needs.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

So, real quick, just a reminder about two courses we have for you. So firstly, it's the Red Flag Project, which helps women who are dating and who might have an anxious attachment style screen out partners who are emotionally available. 

The second is our Schema Chemistry recorded webinar where we break down the mystery of romantic attraction for you so you can understand why you've been attracted to certain partners. So hopefully there'll be some real AHA moments in there for you. 
And you can find out more about these courses just by clicking on the links in the show notes above!!

Today we are talking about the health adult mode in schema therapy. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

So, real quick, just a reminder about two courses we have for you. So firstly, it's the Red Flag Project, which helps women who are dating and who might have an anxious attachment style screen out partners who are emotionally available.

The second is our Schema Chemistry recorded webinar where we break down the mystery of romantic attraction for you so you can understand why you've been attracted to certain partners. So hopefully there'll be some real AHA moments in there for you.
And you can find out more about these courses just by clicking on the links in the show notes above!!

So today we discuss a really interesting pattern that many people find themselves in when we're in this role. It can be really torturous and painful and we don't think clearly at all. It's a pattern that's played out mostly in romantic relationships and is almost always a replication of the past.

What does it mean to be a rescuer in relationships and why are some people really prone to fall into this pattern. Well Justine thought she was having just another uneventful evening at the movies, but little did she know the content of the film would propel her back to a turbulent relationship she had in her 20's. For 6 years Justine was stuck in a cycle of wanting and needing to rescue her then boyfriend. If only she knew then what she knows now.

In this episode we explore the tendency to hang in here way too long with a partner who is emotionally unavailable - someone you feel needs your help, someone you need to fix or rescue. Why is this such a strong urge and what schemas underpin this dynamic?

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Today we discuss a listener's email about her inner critic to whom she has given the name 'Dick'. A listener, whom we refer to as 'Mia' has sent us a detailed email about her inner critic. 'Dick' the critic, says all sorts of nasty and punitive things to Mia, but sometimes Mia feels that he actually protects her. How can this be? Does her critic actually protect her from something? Could it have a protective role and if so does that make it something else?

In this episode, Gemma and Justine take a very deep dive into the concept of the inner critic and related modes in schema therapy.

• How can we define the inner critic
• Where does the inner critic come from
• What are modes in schema therapy
• Could 'Dick' actually be a coping mode instead of a critic?
• Why is it useful to pull apart the messages a critic says to us
• What had Ronald Fairbairn's "Moral Defense" have to do with it all?
• What is the Flagellating Over-Controller Mode in schema therapy & what is its function?
• We mention that this defence mechanism is also relevant for schema chemistry and why some people tend to blame themselves for bad treatment. Go to Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar.
• We hope we have given Mia a few potential hypotheses to think about with her own therapist.
• Remember that the content in this podcast does not constitute advice but is for educational, informational and entertainment purposes only.
• Please seek advice from your own qualified mental health professional. The content we share is general in nature and will not be adequate to address the individual issues of listeners.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Up to 50% of people have this schema, it's incredibly common and underpins a great many relationship, personality and mental health issues.

Today we discuss the Emotional Deprivation Schema. It's one of the core schemas, it develops early life usually in the first 10 years. It can be a tricky one for us to identify as it tends to be pervasive but elusive at the same time.

What is it:-

The Emotional Deprivation schema is the expectation that one’s desire for emotional connection will not be adequately fulfilled. You don' expect people to be there for you in different ways. Young identified three forms: (1) deprivation of nurturance (the absence of affection or caring); (2) deprivation of empathy (the absence of listening or understanding); and (3) deprivation of protection (the absence of strength or guidance from others).

In this episode Justine and Gemma discuss this schema in depth and how it shows up in our lives, how it plays out in the clients they see as well as discussing where it comes from and how it tends to develop.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Justine tends to overcommit to things. After agreeing to do something, she often regrets it and lands up with a schema hangover because there are big consequences to changing her mind and saying no, and getting out of what she has committed to do can sometimes create a big drama.

Since the last episode, she has been reflecting on how much an unrelenting standards schema contributes to people’s stress and sense of being rushed. She was wondering if unrelenting standards might be playing a role in her recent feelings of stress and sense of being rushed because it’s a sneaky schema that could pop up anywhere.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into what it takes to change or modify an unrelenting standards schema. They discuss various criteria that might indicate that your schema is playing out and offer advice on what you can do to overcome perfectionism, retrain your brain, and start doing things differently. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Justine gives an example of where she tends to overcommit to things and explains why she thinks it was unrelenting standards and not her self-sacrifice schema playing out.
• Changing a schema requires constant observation, reflection, and problem-solving.
• Gemma recaps what goes on and how it feels when you have an unrelenting standards schema.
• Some criteria for where to start with consciously changing or modifying a schema.
• Procrastination could indicate that your schema is playing out.
• How avoidance ties into concerns about not being good enough.
• You need to know what triggers your schema.
• It is best to focus on one thing at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
• You can use the shame, anxiety, or embarrassment you feel in certain situations to your advantage to overcome your schema.
• How to retrain your brain and coach yourself through changing the way you do things.
• You can train your mind to overcome perfectionism.

What to expect from the new Know Your Schemas course that will come out soon.

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Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

We are talking about the unrelenting standards schema today.

The unrelenting standards schema is closely related to perfectionism. People with an unrelenting standards schema tend to have very high expectations of themselves that do not change, regardless of the situation they are in. They are constantly striving for standards, and when they don't meet them, it can be very distressing. Some people become so good at meeting high standards that their lives become extremely stressful.

Recovery from most schemas can be an ongoing process because the brain will always respond when triggered and return to a place it has been many times before. With therapy or coaching, the strength of the signal will weaken, the pain of your experience will lessen, and you will be quick to observe your schema and deal with it.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine explain what an unrelenting standards schema is, what lies underneath it, and where it originates. They also get into how it feels, how different people cope with it, and ways to normalize it. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• What does it feel like to have an unrelenting standards schema?
• There is sometimes a secondary schema lurking beneath an unrelenting standards schema.
• When you have an unrelenting standards schema, you could feel a lot of internal pressure and become anxious. It could also impact you physiologically.
• Many people misconstrue what perfectionism is.
• How do people with an unrelenting standards schema feel about failing?
• The schema can manifest in different ways. Gemma and Justine give some examples of how it might show up.
• An unrelenting standards schema is often an attempt to prove oneself and can be accompanied by deep, uncomfortable feelings.
• How do people with an unrelenting standards schema cope?
• People with an unrelenting standards schema often feel defective or flawed and tend to lack self-compassion.
• What does it mean to surrender to a schema?
• How does an unrelenting standards schema originate?
• Justine and Gemma discuss the messages they received about themselves while growing up and explore the origins of their schemas.
• Perfectionism can have positive effects on some people and affect others negatively.
• Never compare yourself to others, and be prepared to take risks.

What to expect from the new Know Your Schemas course that will come out soon.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Books mentioned in the podcast: Books by John Bradshaw

We are doing a mailbox episode today!

Someone we will call Sam sent in a thoughtful and vulnerable email after listening to and resonating with something we mentioned in our episode on narcissistic mothers.

Sam is an overseas listener who grew up with two narcissistic parents. He has a brother and a younger sister who he describes as his mother’s narcissistic “mini-me”.

In the podcast, we mentioned that being parented by a narcissist could squash your natural light, and someone with that psychological history might not even know who they truly are. Sam resonated with something similar when he first learned about the inner child and heard of the chronic emptiness felt by those who have had to assume inauthentic selves in early childhood as a result of conditional love. He has been living with a similar ache which is sometimes debilitating- even with medication and a healthy lifestyle. So he asked if we could do an episode on recovering that squashed light and share some advice on how people with chronic depression can regain their vitality.

Stay tuned for more.

Show highlights:

• People raised by two narcissistic parents develop other modes of coping, which could mean creating a false self.
• Gemma and Justine discuss why Sam feels so empty.
• How do people develop an inauthentic self?
• Justine and Gemma dive into the schemas that might be within the darkness Sam feels.
• Children suppress themselves to adapt to whatever situation they are in and survive. That usually produces secondary schemas.
• What is the inner light Sam refers to, and what happens to children when that inner light gets squashed?
• Justine shares examples of the things she is careful not to do because they might inhibit her children's freedom, authenticity, and lack of self-consciousness.
• People raised by narcissists tend to develop a sense of under-entitlement.
• Where should you start with trying to figure out who you are?
• It is crucial to create connections with other people.
• Schema therapy can help you heal and reconnect with your authentic self.
• Justine and Gemma discuss the course they are currently working on, called Know Your Sc

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Recommended book: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young

Today, Gemma does a solo episode on what you need to know if you have an abandonment schema and find yourself getting triggered in a relationship.

We, as humans, are wired to be cared for by others and form strong physical and emotional attachments. We depend on our early attachments, so if those attachment needs are unfulfilled, interrupted, or severed, we could develop an abandonment schema.

An abandonment schema can wreak havoc in our relationships, especially romantic ones. It can get in the way of thinking clearly and making healthy decisions when we start a new relationship. It can even capture our emotions entirely and send us down all kinds of rabbit holes.

In this episode, Gemma dives into three different categories people fall into when they have an abandonment schema and get triggered in a relationship. Stay tuned to find out how to work out what is going on with you if you have an abandonment schema and feel anxious about a new relationship.

Show highlights:

• People in the first category get triggered because their partner's behavior is observably problematic, and they are reacting to something real.
• Gemma gives examples of problematic behavior in a partner that could trigger someone with an abandonment schema.
• If you have an abandonment schema, you have to be able to analyze what is going on in the early stages of a new relationship.
• Gemma explains why people tend to sabotage a relationship when their partner is predominantly reliable and the relationship is generally good.
• Some examples of situations in which your reactions could create secondary problems.
• Gemma discusses the various modes of operating people in the second category use to cope with their abandonment schema in a new relationship.
• Doing active healing work around an abandonment schema can be helpful. Gemma explains what that means.
• With the third category, it can be helpful to have the input of a third party to figure out what is going on.
• Gemma summarizes the three different categories.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar(For Therapists)

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Gemma and Justine both have a history of working in mental health settings in psychiatric research. 

A while back, someone referred to Gemma by a psychiatrist arrived with a diagnosis of treatment-resistant depression and all query bipolar disorder. Working with Gemma over time, he understood what was driving his mood and chronicity from a schema perspective. He also realized how his history of complex trauma impacted how he generally felt in life. None of that had been considered in his previous treatment plan. Instead, there was a focus on labels and diagnoses. 

In a recent conversation with Gemma, he reflected on how unhelpful that diagnostic labeling had been for him. He is not depressed currently and has never had bipolar, even though he had been diagnosed with it.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explain why you are not your diagnosis. They dive into the pros and cons of diagnoses and talk about how schema therapy can help people gain a deep, nuanced, and accurate understanding of why they feel the way they do. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Gemma explains how schema therapy helped her client develop self-compassion, distance himself from his inner critic, and tap into his emotions.
• In episode 26, Gemma talks about chronic depression and how the label of treatment-resistant depression is unhelpful and feeds into our sense of defectiveness.
• Justine explains her approach, what she does, and what she notices about her clients when they go to her for therapy.
• What is important to Gemma and Justine, and what are they interested in when helping their clients?
• Why can a diagnosis sometimes be harmful?
• Why do many early wounds and overt traumas tend to be mentioned but left untouched in mental health settings?
• Justine explains why she and Gemma suggest that people simultaneously hold in mind two different ways of understanding what is going on with them.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the pros and cons of diagnoses.
• Having a diagnosis does not necessarily mean you have a protracted and unrelenting difficulty.
• Some questions you need to ask regarding self-development aimed at reducing your symptoms.
• Sometimes, depressive symptoms can get triggered by a subjugating or undermining relationship dynamic.
• Schema therapy is transdiagnostic, so it can help people with limiting diag

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Today's episode is an encore replay of Episode 20, which was a popular episode for our listeners.

We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent.

Show highlights:

• Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
• Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
• What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
• The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
• Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial.
• How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
• Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person.
• Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Today, we are talking about passive aggression.

Passive aggression is covert aggression. It is a form of hostility people carry inside themselves that they express indirectly to make a point. We tend to use it when we are not being honest and authentic to express our anger, frustration, or resentment in a roundabout way.

When someone uses passive aggression, they are not expressing what they truly feel. It can be toxic if they use it as their main relational style. That may be hard and sometimes confusing for the person on the receiving end.

Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of dealing with anger. In this episode, Gemma and Justine unpack the details of passive-aggressive behavior and examine it from a schema perspective. Stay tuned to learn all you need to know about passive aggression and find out what to do if you struggle with it in your relationships.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine explain what passive aggression is.
• Why do people behave passive-aggressively?
• A lot of avoidance is tied to passive aggression. Gemma explains how that differs from other forms of avoidance.
• Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of communicating anger. Justine and Gemma share some examples of what that might look like.
• Passive aggression can sometimes be a covert bid for power or an attempt to get back at someone.
• An example of how passive aggression could get used as a toxic expression of disapproval.
• How can backhanded compliments, sarcasm, or gossiping be used passive-aggressively?
• Chronic patterns of passive aggression can be hard to deal with in romantic relationships.
• How does a passive-aggressive person typically behave?
• What kind of schemas could someone with a lot of passive aggression have?
• Justine and Gemma discuss various entry points to treating schemas and share tips for overcoming passive-aggressive behavior.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

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Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Recommended reading:

Reinventing Your Lifeby Jeffrey Young

The Abandonment Recovery Workbook by Susan Anderson

We are revisiting the abandonment schema today.
Some of Gemma’s clients are considering returning to the dating world again, so they asked her to talk some more about the abandonment schema and how it relates to dating.

Abandonment is a huge topic! In schema therapy, the abandonment schema is one of the core schemas. It is a very primitive and primal schema. It is possibly the most central schema for all mammals, so it is common.

Schemas are abiding and deeply-entrenched core beliefs that direct our lives. They become the lens through which we see our lives and influence our decision-making and what we focus our attention on. Schemas can give us a framework for understanding ourselves and others and interpreting what is happening in the world.

In this episode, Gemma dives into the abandonment schema and explains what you need to look out for in your relationships, especially romantic relationships.

You will find this episode helpful if you are in the dating world and looking to find a new partner. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:
* Schemas are emotionally-laden constructs, so when they are triggered you feel it in your body. * The abandonment schema can originate very early in life. * Our genetics influence our temperament and how we deal with abandonment and separation. * How does abandonment develop in childhood? * Having an abandonment schema means fundamental insecurity in your attachment system. * An abandonment schema can sometimes overlap with other schemas or give rise to secondary schemas. * If you have a profound and flooring reaction to a trigger, it could be a schema. * How does abandonment affect our love template and adult life when seeking a romantic partner? * We get drawn to what is familiar, so when left to our own devices, we tend to radiate to what we know. * Why do people with abandonment schemas get stuck in relationships with unavailable partners? * Gemma explains what unavailability might look like in a partner. * You cannot do the healing for someone else- especially when you have to heal yourself. * Gemma does a recap on the coping styles people use to cope with their abandonment schema. * When we s

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

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Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

We are talking about the defectiveness shame schema today. It is one of the core schemas. It is quite common, and it tends to develop early in life.

The defectiveness schema is tricky. It is sometimes so deeply hidden that we may not even know someone has it. It comes with a deep sense of unworthiness and feelings of being fundamentally flawed as an individual.

People with the defectiveness schema often feel unlovable. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the defectiveness schema, what it might feel like, and how it can vary for different people. They also get into the emotion of shame, the inner critic, how people cope with their feelings of shame, and ways to modify a defectiveness schema.

Stay tuned to learn all you need about the defectiveness schema and find out what you can do to heal it.

Show highlights:

• Justine defines and describes the defectiveness shame schema.
• Schemas tend to operate outside of our awareness.
• The emotion of shame can sometimes be hard to identify. It feels exceptionally unpleasant, and some people go to great lengths to avoid it.
• Shame tends to make people want to hide.
• Why is shame a survival emotion?
• What could trigger feelings of shame?
• How does shame tend to overlap with narcissistic people?
• How do children develop feelings of shame?
• Defectiveness, like all the other schemas, is on a spectrum.
• Gemma describes the inner critic as it relates to feelings of shame and defectiveness.
• The origins of the defectiveness schema.
• There is a difference between normal shame and toxic shame.
• What can you do to modify your defectiveness schema?

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

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Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

This episode is in the realm of dating. It will appeal to women experiencing hopelessness after having implemented changes in the men they are dating, and then men they should avoid start to slip in under their radar.

Initially, you may think the guy is different. But after the first few weeks of dating, the cracks start showing. You may notice that he is critical or does not prioritize the relationship much. Or you may feel uncertain about where you stand with him. Then the insecurity starts coming up.

It can be exhausting if you meet someone who seems nice, and you become hopeful because you have made changes and are doing everything right, but then you start seeing the red flags.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma go back to the basics. They dive into how to avoid a sense of hopelessness and become hopeful about dating again. They discuss common myths that can keep women in unhealthy relationships and share tips for avoiding disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early days of online dating.

This episode is for you if you are dating or getting back into dating, you have an insecure attachment style leaning toward anxiety, and you tend to hang in there with guys who are controlling, self-absorbed, or emotionally unavailable. Change is possible and can break the pattern, but it can be tricky at certain spots, and you may need some help!

Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Myths that can make women stay in unhealthy relationships.
• A relationship with someone nice can be surprisingly easy if you have a disastrous dating history.
• Dating can be hell for women with an anxious attachment style and an abandonment schema. Gemma discusses some beliefs that would have to be challenged to get a different outcome.
• Some tips to avoid disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early stages of online dating.
• Online dating can sometimes be a medium for people who have difficulties with connection, intimacy, and being vulnerable with someone.
• Watch out for guys who focus on your physical appearance or get into sexual talk in their early texts.
• There is a difference between emotionally unavailable people and those who are actually unavailable.
• When there are clear markers of unavailability early on, that means he is NOT available.
• Challenge any ideas about a particular type of person you think will be right for you.
• In the early days, date people you would not typically go for if they seem average and look pleasant enough.
• You do not have to have the same hobbies and interests as someone to have an emotionally compatible relationship wi

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Wendy Behary’s website: www.disarmingthenarcissist.com

Recommended books:

Disarming the Narcissistby Wendy Behary

We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast today! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism.

Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition.

Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally.

We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life.

Show highlights:

• Narcissism is on a continuum, so there are people with narcissistic traits who may not have a full-blown personality disorder.
• If you grew up with someone narcissistic, your identity was probably held hostage for a long time. You will also have carried the burdens that typically come with having a narcissistic parent or adult caretaker living vicariously through you, putting unrealistic expectations upon you, or ignoring you because they are so self-centered.
• Why is it a good thing when you become highly sensitized to narcissism after learning about it?
• Notice the patterns in yourself where you go silent, give in, lose your voice, subjugate yourself, and sacrifice your own needs.
• Wendy explains what an activating condition is and how that triggers narcissistic people.
• Who is a narcissist, and what do you need to look out for in the early days of dating someone?
• If you want to be an advocate for yourself, be sure of your intention when talking to someone you are dating, and make sure that what you say is having the impact you want.
• What should you do if you're dating someone you like but start noticing red flags?
• How to use "the narrator voice" as a tool when someone is l

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

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Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Recommended books:

Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young

Over the years, Gemma and Justine have had many clients, mostly women, with some insecure attachment styles. Those clients have a pattern of being attracted to and forming relationships with aloof, inconsistent, unreliable, emotionally depriving, or emotionally unavailable people. They sometimes feel the lack and become aware of what they are not getting from the relationship. Yet something about the relationship dynamic resonates with them subconsciously, so they tend to stay in it.

Often, they do not know where they stand in their relationship, and they tend to become fraught with insecurity. They become preoccupied with what they are NOT getting and stay in the unsatisfying relationship, wishing and hoping that their partner will change, become more available, and eventually meet their needs.

People in relationships driven by schema chemistry mostly do not get their emotional needs met. To get a different outcome, they would have to avoid being seduced by the chemistry and learn to judge their relationship and partner according to different criteria.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explore some of the barriers associated with change and overcoming schema chemistry. They discuss why it is so hard for some people to make different decisions and avoid getting swept up in schema chemistry.

Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Overcome the pattern of not being fully aware when your hidden schemas play out in your romantic relationships.
• Why do people with an emotional deprivation schema find it hard to ask for what they need in relationships?
• Some schemas are more relational than others, so you need to identify what is going on with you in your relationships and bring it to a place of awareness.
• Another barrier is when you experience romantic sexual chemistry with more emotionally available partners, but you find them boring or annoying.
• Cycles of high anxiety and relief can be compelling, and they tend to get misattributed as a romantic attachment. That indicates that there are several factors related to schema chemistry going on.
• One more barrier is when you tend to get into relationships where there is a lot of love-bombing (i.e. grandiose displays of love and affection) early on.
• It is vital to check in with your healthy adult mode to avoid getting swept away by love-bombing.
• Love bombing is often a red flag and a marker for bad things to come. It is usually fake, so it only continues for several weeks or months.
• It is normal not to

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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We are talking about schema chemistry today!

Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening.

Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term.

In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don't work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns!

Show highlights:

• When you think of your previous relationships, it is worth pondering whether or not they were loaded with baggage you brought in from the past.
• What tends to happen when we are in a schema-driven relationship?
• Gemma and Justine discuss the patterns and cycles they see with schemas and how people tend to get involved with emotionally unavailable partners because of their schemas.
• Sometimes people with similar schemas get together but cope in different ways. Their coping styles can trigger each other. Justine gives an example of that kind of interaction.
• Gemma and Justine explain how schema chemistry keeps people stuck in relationships that reinforce their schemas.
• Schema therapy is a good framework for understanding how your schemas keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships, breaking patterns, and empowering yourself.
• How to use schema therapy to make better dating decisions and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce your schemas.
• Some signs that you could be in a relationship with high schema chemistry.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

In schema therapy, the therapist sometimes engages with the client in different ways through limited re-parenting as part of the therapeutic relationship.

Today, we will be talking about how we can re-parent ourselves. Re-parenting is something almost everyone can do because we all have the necessary emotional resources within us.

If you take the time to tune in, you can easily tap into your inner emotional resources and help yourself through re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into what reparenting means, how you can do your own re-parenting, and what you need to consider when thinking about re-parenting yourself.

If you are dealing with mental health issues or recovering from core schemas around abandonment, emotional deprivation, mistrust abuse, defectiveness, or any other schema set up early in life, you will gain a lot from this show. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• It is important to understand that our personalities are not made of just one single unit. We all have many parts of ourselves.
• In schema therapy, we sometimes refer to the vulnerable child mode. It is similar to the inner child and is the part of the self that holds all the emotional pain from childhood.
• Gemma talks about reactions to triggers that could activate the vulnerable child mode and evoke an exaggerated emotional response.
• We need a framework within which to talk about re-parenting and consider what we can do to help the parts of ourselves that are struggling.
• First, we need to become aware that parts of ourselves are cut off and struggling.
• Gemma explains what happens to us when we are young and bad things happen.
• How and why dissociation works as a survival mechanism.
• Gemma explains the concept of moral defense.
• Re-parenting ourselves is all about rediscovering, connecting with, and reclaiming the lost parts of ourselves.
• Some barriers to connecting with the wounded parts of the self.
• Some starter points to re-parenting yourself.
• Start noticing your triggered feelings.
• Part of re-parenting is learning to soothe yourself in healthy and appropriate ways.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Subjugation is common in our society, particularly amongst women and people in the helping professions.

Subjugation is relevant within schema therapy. Yet it tends to be grossly under-examined and under-rated as a schema because it is generally considered secondary or conditional to the core or unconditional schemas like the abandonment schema, the Emotional Deprivation schema, or the mistrust abuse schema, all of which are developed very early in life.

Schemas are fascinating because they can influence many aspects of how we behave. To compensate for our unmet emotional needs, we may fall into adaptive compensatory patterns and suppress our needs and sense of self. Or we may take care of others or go along with more dominant individuals to feel accepted, avoid abandonment, or gain approval.

In this episode, Gemma continues with and expands on the topic of living a subjugated life. She dives into why so many people have what may be referred to as the trifecta of other-directedness- self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval seeking. She also talks about the adaptive processes children go through, to survive a domineering parent, discusses the subtle differences between people pleasing and approval seeking, and explains what you should focus on if you are an approval seeker. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• People pleasing, self-sacrifice, and approval-seeking fall into other-directed schemas. Gemma explains what other-directedness means.
• Gemma talks about approval seeking and explains what happens when our validation needs do not get met, or when the approval we get is conditional.
• Gemma explains why so many of her clients develop the pattern of having a combination of self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking schemas to varying degrees.
• How care-giver-guilt develops in a child, and how that impacts their needs.
• What happens to a child when a subjugating parent regularly uses anger to hold the family to ransom?
• How can early programming prevent people from ever putting themselves first?
• Why do self-sacrifice, subjugation, and approval-seeking often get bundled up together?
• The subtle differences between pleasing others to avoid guilt or because you are fearful of them and approval seeking.
• Why are narcissists unlikely to hand out praise or compliment anyone on a job well done?
• What should you focus on if you are an approval seeker?

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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Go to the SCHEMA CHEMISTRY WEBINAR**

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When we subjugate ourselves, we suppress our authenticity and aspects of who we are. In schema therapy, the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas are called other-directed schemas. Those schemas appear similar in that they are both subjugating schemas, but there are some key differences.

We tend to suppress our needs when we want to care for others. We suppress our views and desires when we are afraid of getting hurt or angering someone. People-pleasers are always looking out for the other person and want to please someone if they feel guilty or scared of what that person might do.

Subjugation schemas, like all other schemas, are on a spectrum and a continuum. The good news is that subjugation schemas are treatable, workable, and malleable. So if we look at what is going on with those schemas, we can change them.

In this episode, Gemma talks about schemas related to people-pleasing and gets into the subtle details of people-pleasing, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. She pulls those concepts apart and explains how they are related and what they mean. If you have a self-suppression of subjugation pattern in your life, stay tuned to find out what could be going on with you.

Show highlights:

• Subjugation schemas are exhausting! They can take a toll on people physically, mentally, and emotionally.
• Why are people-pleasers not free to be themselves?
• People with subjugation schemas often experience life from a position of passivity- particularly if they surrender to their subjugation schema.
• Why do people with big subjugation schemas lack a sense of self?
• Self-sacrifice is a version of subjugation. Gemma discusses the self-sacrifice schema and explains where it could come from.
• Why do self-sacrificing people tend to be empathic and sensitive?
• Unlike self-sacrifice, subjugation is done to you. Gemma talks about subjugation, describes it as a schema, and discusses how it could come about.
• People with subjugation schemas tend to feel helpless and powerless and believe that others have more power than them- even when they do not.
• Unacknowledged and suppressed anger from subjugation schemas can result in various stress-related physical problems. Gemma explains how to get rid of that anger.
• If you do not change your situation or bad habits, you implicitly choose those things for yourself.

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-Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Today, we continue with our two-part series on the Netflix production, The Tinder Swindler.

In the first part, we spoke about the schemas and modes of the scammer in the movie. He is a con artist who meets women on Tinder and then persuades them to lend him vast sums of money.

In the second part, we focus on the women, or the victims, in The Tinder Swindler. We look at victim-blaming and unpack why people on social media tended to blame the women in the movie. We also discuss some other types of love scams exposed in the media, examine the findings of various social studies and experiments, and talk about catfishing- all of which are related.

Victim blaming has been going on in our society for a long time. Stay tuned to learn what it is and why it tends to happen.

Show highlights:

• Why were the women in the movie so viciously attacked by men and women alike on social media after the movie came out?
• What is victim-blaming?
• Some of the main reasons people are inclined to blame the victim of a crime.
• Gemma explains what the just-world hypothesis, or the just-world fallacy, is all about.
• Why do humans tend to trust others?
• Why the first woman in the movie, Pernilla, quickly became infatuated with the con artist and handed her money over to him.
• What is the truth default?
• Social media leads to social proof. That can lead to people being conned or taken advantage of.
• How do schemas and unmet needs put people at greater risk of becoming victims of scams or con artists?
• How do schemas lead people to abandon their boundaries and hang onto dubious relationships for too long?
• The schemas that make people vulnerable to being targeted by narcissistic individuals.
• Some stories about women being love-scammed by manipulative men in the Australian series, Fake.
• Inconsistencies and regular absences are obvious red flags.
• Cat-fishing is no joke! Justine explains what it is and shares her experience of it.
• Some tips to help you avoid getting cat-fished.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Today, we are talking about red flags.

The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective.

In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women.

Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Nowadays, con men and women have more means, resources, and avenues to exploit and manipulate people than ever before.
• The character in the movie quickly screens his victims and feeds into their idea of what love and romance should look like.
• We explain why the movie character probably has a narcissistic personality disorder and falls into the anti-social psychopathy spectrum.
• The movie character has a strong sense of self-importance and a massive ego.
• We discuss the various schema modes of the movie character.
• In schema therapy, anti-social traits get correlated with the psychopathy spectrum.
• What does the person in the conning and manipulative mode do to achieve their goals?
• Most people do not expect to come across anyone with a dominant mode to intentionally con and deceive others. Gemma shares a clue to look out for that would indicate that someone has that mode.
• When challenged, or called out, the movie character quickly switched from a charming to an angry and threatening mode.
• Although he had many red flags, the guy in the movie was adept at quickly building a sense of trust and intimacy with his victims.
• Why does it become harder for people to look at red flags rationally after being love-bombed?
• It is vital to trust your gut feelings if things do not add up or you feel confused.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

*Trigger Warning: This podcast discusses the issue of emotional eating and mentions words like 'body fat' & 'central obesity' *

Content in this podcast in no way constitutes medical or nutritional advice. This episode does not constitute, nor is it intended to be, psychological (or other) advice for those people who have struggled with a serious eating problem or eating disorder in the past or currently.

Dear Listeners:-
Please note that in this episode we share our personal experience with food, food choices and schemas and we discuss things like 'emotional eating' and 'comfort food'. Struggles with food, especially 'stress eating' and using food as an emotional comfort, are very common in our society. However, please remember that we are all very unique, beautiful individuals who are on our own journey in this life and we all face our own particular issues & struggles.

What is our intention with this episode and others like it?
Please know that we do put a little thought into our episodes and we want only the best for you! With these discussions on food and schemas we have a few intentions. The main one being, that we hope to normalise the struggle with food that so many people experience. One of our aims with our podcast in general is to be real and honest and also provide people with hope and empowerment as well as destigmatizing mental health issues and unhelpful mental health labels.

This food series is about looking at the ways our schemas and modes can pose a barrier and can sabotage our health-based decisions and choices. We are not giving advice about what to do, rather, we are providing a discussion around the role schemas and parts of self can play when we attempt to make health-based decisions for ourselves. It can be valuable to look through the issue with a schema lens and help name certain parts of ourselves and the role they play.

Please note:

1. We are not "fat shaming" ourselves or anyone else. But we are talking about a serious and unfortunately sometimes very contentious issue - food and eating. There are many opinions which exist in the field. Some helpful, some unhelpful.
2. We are not promoting unhealthy "dieting" or "restrictive eating".
3. We are interested in the promotion of health, self-care, body-care, courageous acts of facing 'what is', including unhealthy behaviour patterns; mindful self-compassion and schema and schema mode awareness.
4. We do talk about what has worked for us in the past and make mention to the types of food we find problematic and those we wish to we limit.
5. It is our hope that by sharing some of our own personal journey on the subject we can provide some insight into the psychological factors which drive 'emotional eating' in those without severe eating disorders.
6. We do like to have a laugh and use humour and we can also be irreverent sometimes!
7. The podcast is for information & entertainment purposes.

For show notes please see our website

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Additional resource:

John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching

Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child.

Today, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that.

In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do.

Stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself.

Show highlights:

• Getting to know yourself and your schemas is vital before you decide to have a child.
• Coping with anger when it comes up in you as a new parent.
• Feelings of deprivation and anger from a relationship with a narcissistic parent tend to come up and feel worse when you are vulnerable. It is vital to be mindful of those feelings and reflect on them.
• Avoid getting into a tug-o-war with your strong-willed child.
• Take a few moments to reflect on what is going on with you before you start doing emotional first-aid.
• Gemma shares a list of things that narcissistic parents do not do or with which they tend to struggle.
• There is a lot of therapeutic power in an apology.
• Narcissists tend to demand respect without doing anything to cultivate it.
• Why do people raised by narcissistic parents tend to develop subjugation schemas?
• Transparently modeling for your child how you do your self-development is extremely valuable.
• You can gain confidence as a parent with John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching.
• Justine and Gemma are thinking of creating a membership group to help people interested in self-development and schema therapy get a comprehensive overview of the schema model. Email them if you are interested in joining the group.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In our last podcast, we spoke about what an abandonment schema might look like generally when dating someone. Today, we follow that by taking a more specific look at the different coping styles people tend to use when their abandonment schema gets triggered in a dating situation.

Our schemas get triggered when certain things happen. When triggered, strong emotions arise, and we feel compelled to respond in a certain way to cope. Schema therapy clearly explains three common responses people have after getting triggered. One of them falls into the broad category of avoidance. Another is surrendering or resigning to what happened. The third is overcompensating, sometimes also referred to as counterattack.

In this episode, we discuss the three different ways people cope with the intense feelings that surface when their abandonment schema gets activated. We give some examples of what each response might look like, focusing particularly on those that come up when an abandonment schema gets triggered. We discuss ways to change your response patterns, explain the importance of learning to understand how you react and talk about the potential consequences of the different coping styles. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Justine shares one way you can change your response patterns after getting triggered.
• Justine and Gemma discuss the surrender mode and explain how it affects people and their relationships.
• The surrender mode can sometimes flip over into avoidance.
• How do you know when you are surrendering to your schema?
• How does a healthy build-up to a relationship look?
• Gemma and Justine talk about the overcompensating response pattern.
• What does it look like when we over-compensate?
• What tends to happen when we overcompensate?
• Gemma explains how to not react when in counterattacking mode.
• What happens when you are on the receiving end of an overcompensating counterattack?
• Justine and Gemma talk about what tends to happen when you have the avoidance response with an abandonment schema.
• Avoidant coping patterns can be hard to break. Gemma explains what keeps people stuck in those patterns and how schema therapy can help overcome them.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Welcome to the first episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast for 2022!

When making new year resolutions, most of us tend to think about things we can improve in our lives and the patterns we would like to change. One of those patterns usually relates to relationships. Justine has already had several sessions this year with people who want to break their relationship patterns so that they can finally meet someone emotionally available and have a proper relationship.

Our schemas tend to hinder our relationship radar and keep us doing the same thing over and over. If you have an abandonment schema and would like to meet someone available, you have to take responsibility for the choices you make and look at how your schema impacts your choices. If you want to avoid becoming a victim, you also need to be accountable for the role you play in your relationships. 

The abandonment schema is the oldest and most primal schema you could have. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the abandonment schema and discuss how it affects people when they date. They explain how an abandonment schema develops, what it feels like, and what tends to activate it. Justine also talks about what she does to help her clients prevent their abandonment schemas from getting triggered when dating. Listen in today to learn how to take responsibility for your abandonment schema and find out how your abandonment schema could trip you up when dating.

Show highlights:

• The abandonment schema is a common theme in many of Justine’s sessions.
• To do online dating, you have to be in the right mindset.
• Your abandonment schema might get activated early on when dating someone. Justine talks about various problems that could occur when that happens.
• How does an abandonment schema form when we are very young?
• What does an abandonment schema feel like?
• Gemma and Justine discuss the core belief carried by an abandonment schema.
• What tends to trigger an abandonment schema?
• Some strategies to prevent your abandonment schema from getting activated when dating someone.
• Learn how to cope with red flags and obstacles that might arise when dating someone.
• How to detect early signs of narcissism in the person you are dating.
• It is vital to flush out potentially avoidant people or individuals who may be catfishing early on.

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Welcome back! 

2022 will be a great year!

Today Gemma discusses what it's like having a narcissistic parent and presents one of our older episodes (our most popular episode yet).

Find out more and enrol in The Red Flag Project course for women

Visit us at The Good Mood Clinic

Email us at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Book mentioned in the show:

When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mat

Some of the ways we behave and think are known as schemas. Schemas could be described as a filter through which we view the world, and they are closely linked to our deeply entrenched core beliefs.

Recently, Justine and Gemma received emails from various listeners experiencing similar problems. One of the emails was from Harry, who explained that he has an empathetic personality and suffered from being in a relationship with someone narcissistic, which probably means he has a self-sacrifice schema and possibly some other issues as well. Sally also wrote in to say that she has a friend who is a big self-sacrificer, and it gets in the way of her life.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine look at Harry and Sally's situations and discuss schemas. They describe the self-sacrifice schema. They also describe the subjugation schema, which is different but often gets correlated with the self-sacrifice schema clinically. They discuss what those schemas feel like, what brings them up, and the kinds of problems they cause for people. They also give several tips for breaking out of self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Justine describes the self-sacrifice schema.
• Guilt and resentment are associated with self-sacrifice schemas.
• Gemma talks about where the subjugation schema comes from, what brings it up, and the kind of problems it can cause.
• Resentment usually kicks in after the self-sacrifice schema has come up.
• With subjugation schemas, people fear retaliation, rejection, and abandonment.
• The stress-related conditions that to occur with self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas.
• Gemma explains why she describes self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas as adaptive schemas, and why they might be referred to as conditional or secondary schemas in schema therapy.
• Why sensitive or empathic people are more prone to developing and surrendering to a self-sacrifice schema.
• Why are people with a self-sacrifice schema likely drawn to or targeted by narcissistic or entitled individuals?
• Justine and Gemma share some tips for breaking out of the self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns.
• Gemma explains what schema therapy is all about.
• There are dangers in not establishing good boundaries early on in your relationships and checking in with your schemas soon enough to start creating healthy options.
• Gemma talks about their new website, www.theredflagproject.com

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT **course for women

Go Straight to - Schema Chemistry Live Webinar**

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram

Facebook

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some of the ways we think and some of our behavioral tendencies are called schemas. Schemas could be described as the lens through which we see the world. They are closely related to our ingrained core beliefs but tend to be a little broader than those.

Schema therapy makes things very clear and gives us some easy-to-understand labels to describe our behavior. Justine and Gemma have found schema therapy useful for problem-solving and understanding what is going on beneath the surface in relationships.

In this episode, they dive into the area of relationships and look at how early schemas can overlap with people’s attachment styles to form the antagonistic push-pull relationships in which so many of us seem to find ourselves. They describe the anxious and avoidant styles of attachment and discuss some general terms that could help us think in terms of schemas rather than larger categories of behavior. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• There are four categories of attachment styles.
• Gemma discusses the secure attachment style.
• Literature tells us that 50% of the world falls into the category of secure attachment. Gemma and Justine discuss whether or not that is accurate.
• Gemma and Justine describe and discuss the anxious and avoidant attachment styles.
• How the anxious and avoidant attachment styles fit in with schema therapy models.
• Anxious and avoidant people often tend to get together and cause each other a lot of pain.
• Why anxious types often tend to be women and avoidant types tend to be men.
• Anxious and avoidant relationships tend to be nuanced. Gemma and Justine discuss some of the nuances and explain the best approach to ensure that your emotional needs get met.
• People have different ways of coping with their unmet core emotional needs.
• Schemas tend to overlay and present in varying degrees with the anxiously attached person.
• People who are avoidantly attached often tend to use avoidance across other areas of their lives as well.
• Attachment styles tend to present on a continuum.
• Gemma and Justine will be doing a live webinar on schema chemistry on the 26th of November at 10 o’clock Sydney time. It will be recorded and will be available on the new website soon.
• Go to the Schema Chemistry Webinar

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Most people have an inner critic. Some are aware of it and acknowledge it, while others do not seem to notice the disparaging voice talking to them inside their head. The inner critic does not have to be a constant and deliberate internal narrative. It could also be a cluster of automatic thoughts or things you say out loud to yourself.

Gemma enjoys looking through the lens of schema therapy when she works with people because it provides a helpful language for learning to understand the inner critic. Schema therapy assists her in pulling the critical voice apart. That allows her to take a closer look at all the different types of critics and assess the various functions they might perform. It helps to know what triggers the critical voice, whether or not its messages are useful, and if it comes from anyone in particular.

In this episode, Gemma explores the inner critic by breaking it down, examining how the different elements play out, and discussing how to shift them, change them or shape them into something useful. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Why do we, as humans, tend to be our own worst enemy?
• Why mindfulness is so helpful.
• Gemma clarifies what the inner critic is and where it comes from.
• How schemas are created.
• Things that could give rise to negative self-talk.
• Using schema therapy to break the inner critic down into different elements.
• Looking at the harsh, toxic, or punitive inner critic.
• Identifying and unpacking the demanding inner critic.
• Investigating the guilt-inducing parent critic.

Book mentioned:Reinventing Your Life, by Jeffrey E. Young

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In today’s mailbox episode, Gemma and Justine address two questions submitted by two different listeners. One of the questions is about co-parenting children with a narcissistic ex-partner and how to protect them from the negative influences of their narcissistic parent. The other question is about supporting a partner while they have schema therapy.

Like any other personality trait, type, or disorder, narcissism falls on a continuum, so every case is different and comes with its own level of difficulty. People can fall anywhere on the spectrum, from having a few narcissistic traits to being an extremely toxic pathological and malignant narcissist. Some people with narcissistic traits could also have some healthy traits. So you might be able to communicate with them rationally in their healthy moments, while others may have more extreme traits and can be more difficult to deal with as a co-parent.

Narcissism is a complicated topic, and co-parenting your children with a narcissistic ex-partner can be very tricky. You can go back and listen to episodes 14, 17, 20, and 22 to gain a deeper understanding of narcissism and learn how to deal with the narcissist in your life. Those episodes also cover how to manage your narcissistic parents when you are an adult.

Show highlights:

• Justine reads out and discusses the email that Joe sent in asking how to support his teenage daughters without undermining their relationship with their narcissistic mother.
• Gemma explains how Joe can keep the lines of communication with his kids open.
• Justine explains to Joe how he can provide a safe space and be an emotional coach for his kids.
• What you can do when your child comes home and shares a distressing story about something that has happened at their other parent’s house.
• Talking to your kids about boundaries.
• There are many resources available on the topic of narcissism.
• Justine and Gemma summarize and discuss Karen’s question about how to help and support her partner while he is doing schema therapy.
• How to cope with a partner with an emotional deprivation and a self-sacrifice schema.
• Coming up with a plan when your partner and you both get triggered.
• Why you should never throw things that people have said to you when they are vulnerable back in their faces.
• How the subjugation and self-sacrifice schemas are correlated.

Links:Free webinar on co-parenting with a narcissist:
https://susanstif

Emotion Coaching information

Books:
Disarming the Narcissist, by Wendy Behary

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Listen to a meditation by Dr Gemma Gladstone, where she takes you on a journey to connect with and start to heal an inner child part of you who needs love and connection.  This meditation is very gentle and may assist you to develop a greater sense of compassion for yourself as a whole.  The meditation only focuses on you and a child part of you who feels alone or  overwhelmed by difficult emotions.  It might be listened to as an adjunct to the individual therapy you are receiving, especially if the therapy is working on childhood issues.  If you have lots of pain around your childhood and if you have experienced trauma in your childhood, we recommend that you seek therapy to help you work through those issues rather than relying only on self-help methods.  

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Some distinct red flags tend to show up in the very early stages of dating that indicate that the person you are dating is likely to become emotionally unavailable, controlling, or toxic in a relationship. When you are in that situation, it can be hard to understand what is going on, and if you really want the relationship to work out, you could even become resistant and fail to recognize your schemas when they come up.

Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their series on the indicators of coerciveness or control in the early stages of dating. In the last episode, they did a therapist/client role-play to help you identify some early markers of controlling behaviors, understand what they mean, and recognize the feelings that tend to arise when that happens. In this episode, they refer to that role-play and take a deeper dive into the topic. They focus on schemas that might come up for the client and analyze what could be going on with her internally after being triggered by the guy she is dating. Stay tuned today to find out about the schemas that could make you vulnerable to control and learn how to avoid the possibility of landing up in a toxic relationship.

Show highlights:

• It can be confusing when being romantic and taking control crosses the line into becoming insensitive and controlling.
• Schemas that could make you vulnerable to being controlled or cloud your judgment.
• How an abandonment schema could affect you.
• The best mindset to adopt, when you have an abandonment schema and start dating.
• How a subjugation schema could affect you.
• Someone making fun of you, or a put-down made in jest, on a first date is a red flag.
• The difference between being self-sacrificing and being subjugated.
• How a defectiveness schema could affect you.
• It is vital to have self-respect and protect the vulnerable child within you.
• Why do we need relationships to learn about ourselves?
• What a dependence schema is all about.
• Looking at schema chemistry. (What happens when you are attracted to someone who could potentially wound you in the same way you were wounded as a child?)
• Justine explains what the ‘downstairs brain’ is.
• Justine and Gemma talk about their upcoming webinar.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In Control by Jane Monckton Smith

Webinar Link:
Schema Chemistry: Understanding the Role of Schemas in Romantic Attraction
The webinar will take place on Thursday the 28th of October at Australian Eastern Standard Time

View Details

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Managing all the uncertainty surrounding the pandemic can be tough and make it hard for many of us to remain grounded during these challenging times. That’s why we need to talk openly with our kids about anything that could be worrying them and spend some extra time on our self-care right now.
Gemma and Justine are passionate about helping women make better choices in their relationships. In this new series of episodes, they will be focusing on helping women to identify the red flags that tend to show up very early on when dating, or in relationships, that could potentially lead to emotional unavailability in a partner, a partner being controlling, or a more dangerous outcome.
In the past, Justine and Gemma have both been in relationships with unavailable partners. Many of their clients have also experienced problematic relationship patterns. In this episode, they will be talking about some of the markers that might show up soon after you meet someone that could give away a tendency for them to become controlling and toxic in a relationship. Stay tuned today to learn about coercive control and how to spot some of the darker red flags that might show up early on when you are dating someone.

Show highlights:

• Justine talks about what they will be exploring over the next three podcasts.
• Gemma shares some devastating statistics.
• A pattern of coercive control often precedes violent crimes against women.
• Justine and Gemma do a role play to show what coercive control looks like when it shows up in the early stages of dating.
• Getting into an intimate or sexual relationship can set a woman’s attachment system off. That makes it harder to make rational and healthy adult decisions.
• Mentioning an ex can be a red flag.
• A manipulative attempt can often be dressed up with romantic gestures.
• Some examples of how a healthy person would treat you, compared with someone potentially coercive or controlling.
• Pseudo intimacy may feel a bit off, but it could also feel pleasantly romantic.
• What does it show you when the guy you are dating posits himself as a victim and his ex as a perpetrator in the stories he tells?
• Slow down, collect data, and speak out when you do not feel comfortable.
• Why do you need to notice it when you start feeling guilty?

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In Control by Jane Monckton Smith

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some people find it very hard to cope if their best friend goes out with another friend or starts a new friendship with someone else. They might find themselves feeling cut off, needy, jealous, or even angry. Abandonment triggers in a friendship can be just as strong as those in a romantic relationship. Especially if that friendship is a special one and the friend is someone important to you. In those situations, the same feelings could come up as they would in a romantic relationship. That can be quite confusing.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question they received from a therapist who wrote in asking for tips for some of her clients struggling with an abandonment schema and friendships. Those clients were finding it very hard to cope with the problems they experienced in their platonic relationships. Stay tuned today to hear about the triggers that can come up in your friendships when you have an abandonment schema and learn what to do to create healthier relationships.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine talk about some of the situations in a friendship that could trigger an abandonment schema.
• Having an abandonment schema triggered can cause feelings of shame or make people feel like something is wrong with them.
• Sometimes, we have friendships that are not good for us. Those relationships can be very triggering.
• Justine and Gemma discuss what defines a healthy friendship.
• Repairing a relationship with a friend can sometimes be harder than repairing a romantic relationship.
• Some characteristics of schema-driven friendships.
• Relationships can be hard work.
• Triggers are often small and can represent a difference or a separation.
• Not all situations need to be discussed. Sometimes you only need to sit with your feelings.
• Moving away from the black and white/all or nothing frame of reference is vital in healthy relationships.
• It helps to understand that all relationships go through cycles of rupture and repair.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Podcast Justine mentioned: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-peter-attia-drive/id1400828889?i=1000484615115

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Gemma and Justine have another conversation in their series on breakups and schemas today.

If you have ever experienced a breakup when you have an abandonment schema, you know how traumatic it is. So it is understandable if you would want to avoid going through that pain again. In this episode, Justine and Gemma share a mailbox segment. They answer a question sent in by a client of Justine, who is in the process of addressing her abandonment schema. Although she is doing well and has started experimenting with finding a relationship, she has become aware of a strong urge to avoid looking for a partner because she fears the feelings that might arise if things fail to work out.

In trying to care for herself in the longer term, Justine’s client is struggling to deal with her fears around the possibility of having to feel the feelings of abandonment again. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you are in that situation.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine explain why people might intentionally choose to avoid relationships.
• There is a difference between someone avoiding finding a romantic partner due to the pain of an abandonment schema and someone who is not interested in a relationship.
• Life can be easier if you avoid relationships, but it can also be lonely.
• Even when you understand your schemas and can use that framework to understand your past relationship decisions and how they played out, it can still be difficult to muster the confidence to trust your decision-making and avoid choosing an unavailable partner.
• In their Red Flag Project, Gemma and Justine share a specific strategy to help you avoid becoming attached to people too quickly.
• Once you can spot the red flags, you will realize how much you have changed.
• Although you cannot avoid your emotional triggers, you can learn to respond in healthier ways.
• How to cope when you realize that your defectiveness schema has been triggered.
• Download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the podcast page on our website!
• What you can do if you are struggling to find someone you like.
• Even if you do not feel it initially, you could end up having amazing chemistry with someone who meets your emotional needs.
• Dating is about self-development as well as finding a partner. Doing the right kind of work can help shift your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and remove your internal barriers to finding someone.

Books:Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

The break up of a romantic relationship causes so much angst and heartache for so many of us. Some people can’t stop thinking about their ex, and regardless of whether they did the breaking up or someone broke up with them, they cannot get that person out of their mind. They remain emotionally invested and find it hard to stop ruminating, even if they were with the person only for a few dates or a short-term relationship.

Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their conversation on the theme of romantic break-ups. In this episode, they talk about some of the ways that schemas can trip you up during a break-up. You might become distressed and confused when you cannot stop thinking about the person with whom you have broken up. You might dream about your ex-partner, and it could even reach a point where your friends and family start becoming frustrated with you for not moving on. Yet, you still find yourself trapped in a continuous loop from which you feel unable to break free. When a schema gets activated, it adds another layer of emotional suffering to something that is already hard, so be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do when you cannot get over your ex after breaking up.
Show highlights:

• Although it can be very distressing and confusing when an abandonment schema gets activated during a break-up, you can still choose how to respond to it.
• Gaining some insight and knowledge can help you not to be so hard on yourself.
• Many people get triggered when photos get tagged on social media.
• What happens when your preoccupation with your ex is based on guilt.
• After a break-up, people need time to disconnect, heal and reinvest their energies into themselves.
• Why abandonment schemas can lead to rumination after a break-up.
• How to help yourself become less inclined to go down the tracks of rumination.
• Understanding your abandonment schema.
• How schema therapy and schema mode therapy empower people.
• Resisting the allure of your abandonment fantasy and learning to tend to your own suffering after a break-up.
• Some tips for coping when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
• Gemma and Justine have put together a manual for strategies to help cope and minimize your suffering after a break-up.

Other links and resources mentioned:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
The Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:
Justine and Gemma - justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

It is not uncommon early on in a relationship to realize deep down that your emotional needs will not be met, yet you find you are unable to leave. Things might have started hopefully, and you crave the connection and want things to work out, but you see a red flag. Or there may have been an accumulation of things that have added up over time. Either way, it is painful to be in a position where you know it is in your best interest to break things off, but you cannot do it.

Today, Gemma and Justine follow on from their last conversation in the area of breakups. In this episode, they talk about what happens in the early stage of a relationship, or a newly established relationship, when part of you knows that things are not working, or something is not right, but you cannot get out of it. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to start moving away from toxic patterns when you find your schemas getting in the way of calling it quits with a relationship.
Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine discuss the inner conflict that happens when you know you should leave, but your abandonment schema gets in the way.
• It is vital to tune into your internal red flags and trust your gut instinct when you are not treated well enough or disrespected by someone.
• Recognizing the red flags when the writing is on the wall for a relationship.
• Some schemas and core beliefs could get in the way of ending a new relationship.
• Facing your inner critic is vital for seeing things as they are.
• Recognizing your adaptations of other-directedness.
• The dynamics in some relationships can constantly trigger schemas, and that could cause and maintain depression in some people.
• Learning to recognize it when you minimize, intellectualize, or rationalize someone’s bad behavior.
• Recognizing and acknowledging inconsistent or avoidant behavior in a partner.
• It is far better, to be honest with yourself and go through the short-term pain of calling a relationship off sooner rather than later if you are not getting what you need.
• Moving away from toxic patterns.
• How proximate disconnection could lead to an emotional deprivation schema.
• Abandonment and emotional deprivation tend to appear when someone has avoidant behaviors.

Recommended Book:
Reinventing Your Life

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Some people struggle a lot with the intensity of their feelings when they are in the throes of a break-up of a romantic relationship, particularly when they have an abandonment schema as well. The pain of the break-up and the schema becoming activated simultaneously presents a unique situation that leaves those individuals fraught with painful feelings.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss why that kind of break-up feels so painful. They talk about what a normal break-up might feel like and explain how an abandonment schema adds extra suffering and a particularly unpleasant element to the break-up of a relationship. If you have an abandonment schema, be sure to listen in today to find out why you might be having such intense feelings and emotions after a break-up with someone you only met recently. You will also learn how an abandonment schema could lead to depression and how to make sense of that kind of situation in the future.

Show highlights:

• Why that kind of break-up feels so painful.
• Why the feelings are so intense when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
• What it feels like when the abandoned child mode comes up.
• Ways to get intense feelings to subside and to make sense of them.
• What it takes to understand an abandonment schema.
• How abandonment schemas can cause depression.
• What to do if you get triggered.
• Getting to know where your feelings are coming from.
• Addressing your abandonment issues and growing through that process.

Other links and resources mentioned:

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Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Meeting people is hard and dating can be tricky business. Almost everyone is using dating apps these days, regardless of age. However, navigating your way through those apps can be a daunting experience. It is often fraught with problems, especially in the beginning.

Many of us grapple with issues associated with online dating. Today, Gemma and Justine talk about the early stages of meeting and communicating with someone online, which is often a challenge with which many of their clients struggle. Be sure to tune in today to learn how to make it easier to find a loving partner.

Show highlights:

• Justine talks about things that could add to the emotional roller coaster many people find themselves on in the early stages of dating someone.
• Justine talks about micro-decisions that could end up have a long-term impact.
• Schemas often tend to influence the decisions people make.
• Creating a profile on online dating apps that represents you appropriately.
• Choosing the right photos of yourself for your profile.
• Justine points out some choices you could make that could lead you to a dead-end on dating apps.
• Refining your screening process to better your chances of finding a good relationship.
• Some barriers that women tend to come up with that hinder their chances of meeting the right person.
• The first point of contact is crucial. Gemma points out some things you should be aware of at that stage.
• Justine shares an example of how something small could mean a lot.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Study Justine Referred to: https://theconversation.com/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-mars-how-people-choose-partners-is-surprisingly-similar-but-depends-on-age-161081

Recommended books:
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young
Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen
Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns by Bruce A. Stevens and Eckhard Roediger

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Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Today, Gemma Gladstone follows on with the theme of red flags.

A short while ago, Gemma and Justine introduced their course called The Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project course stems from their experience working with a niche group of women going to therapy to work on a consistent pattern they observed in their lives where relationships became unsustainable. Or they kept on getting romantically involved with partners who were avoidant or had difficulty forming secure relationships. Those patterns could play out in any relationship. Because our schemas, how we were raised, and our attachment history and patterns tend to influence our partner choice and the push-pull dynamic in our relationships.

There is a sub-group of women who seem to get involved with narcissistic men who could be very controlling or even dangerous, and some women find it hard to notice and act upon the early warning signs. Today, Gemma talks about the difference between caring and controlling behavior within relationships and the red flags that show up as early boundary violations. Be sure to listen in to learn about the red flags that could alert you to patterns of coercive control in your relationship.
Show highlights:

• Coercive control in relationships usually involves a pattern of a man controlling his female partner.
• Gemma describes the lessons in the Red Flag Project course.
• Gemma explains what a boundary is and talks about different types of boundaries.
• Things that tend to influence the way we establish our boundaries.
• Gemma gives some examples of emotional boundaries and talks about strategies for setting effective boundaries.
• Some examples of early markers of boundary violations and controlling behavior.
• What early markers of boundary violations could consist of.
• Gemma talks about some early markers of physical boundary violations.
• Gemma shares some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether someone is capable of respecting your boundaries.
• Some traits of those who fall into the category of potentially falling into a relationship with a controlling partner.
• Some schemas get in the way of setting and adhering to healthy boundaries.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
For women seeking counseling, support, or guidance, contact 1800 737 732
For men seeking counseling, support, or guidance, contact the men’s helpline 1300 78 99 78

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Welcome back to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Gemma and Justine are back after a short hiatus due to some ups and downs and a lot going on in their lives recently. They have been having some interesting conversations with their clients and one another lately about odd things that set them off. In today's, show they discuss a few of the psychological quirks and issues that some people may experience.

Gemma has a problem with feeling disgusted by some of the noises made by the people she is close to when they eat or slurp a drink. It is actually a thing, and it is called misophonia. In this episode, Gemma and Justine share some information about misophonia, mirror-touch synaesthesia, trypophobia, and Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. Be sure to join them today to learn about those conditions and to find out if your thing might be some type of condition or psychological syndrome.

Show highlights:

• Gemma gets disgusted and filled with rage when her husband eats certain things. It is a thing, and it is called misophonia.
• Gemma defines what misophonia.
• Gemma and Justine discuss why misophonia tends to be with people close to you.
• Misophonia seems to set off the fight or flight mechanism in people.
• Gemma explains what treatment for misophonia would involve.
• Gemma has also had a bit of mirror-touch synaesthesia all her life. But only with her legs.
• Mirror touch synaesthesia is quite a common condition, and people have variations of it.
• In a study, people with mirror-touch synaesthesia were better able to recognize the nuances of emotions than people without the condition could.
• Another syndrome that Gemma relates to is Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. It has to do with the distortion of your perception of your body image.
• Justine’s daughter experiences something called trypophobia.
• It helps to name your thing.

Links and Resources:
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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In today's episode, Gemma shares her experience and impressions of working with clients who have had the unfortunate experience of being 'diagnosed' with "treatment-resistant depression". Gemma believes this is a dangerous and disempowering label which does nothing to help people get to the bottom of what's driving their depression.

Gemma has been doing therapy with people in a clinical practice setting since 2001. In 2005, she finished an eleven-year association with a tertiary referral clinic for mood disorders, where she worked in various positions in a clinical research capacity. During those eleven years, Gemma came in contact with hundreds of people referred for depression. Many of those patients had some type of mood disorder, like major depressive or bipolar disorder, and they were often referred to as treatment-resistant.

In this episode, she shares her thoughts centering around people coming to therapy when they have been spending years struggling with a mood disorder like chronic depression or recurrent bouts of a major depressive episodes. She talks mainly about the psychological nature/risk factors and the psycho-social aspects of depression.

Show highlights:

• Gemma always encourages people with depression to explore whatever will work for them.
• Gemma explains why she has a problem with giving people the label of Treatment-Resistant Depression.
• There are several psychological or schema-driven risk factors that people have not previously thought about that could be driving their chronic or recurrent low mood.
• Gemma looks at the issue of biological versus non-biological, which raises the issue of so-called melancholic depression versus non-melancholic depression.
• People with all kinds of depressions, even those considered to be biological, like bipolar, will benefit from psychological, social, and connection interventions such as schema therapy.
• Gemma explains why you should not accept a diagnostic decision imposed on you as the absolute truth.
• Gemma explains why some people go to therapy with the idea that nothing will help them with their depression.
• Gemma explains how she empowers people and assists them in moving away from unhelpful and limiting labels.
• Gemma mentions five broad categories of risk factors that tend to underlie and drive chronic or 'difficult to treat' depression. Gemma has noticed these over the years in her work as a therapist and while working in psychiatric environments.
• Gemma looks at the category of unprocessed loss as contributing factor to depression.
• Gemma discusses complex trauma as it relates to depression.
• Gemma elaborates about the background trauma factor plus the big blocking factors to getting well.
• Gemma shares about the intricacies of depressogenic schemas.
• Gemma delves into the category of depressogenic relationships.
• Interventions like meditation, movement, and exercise will always help in overcoming depression.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Recommended books:
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker

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Today, Jen Hoey joins us as our guest on the podcast. This episode is the first in a series where we will be discussing the dangers that our kids face online. In the series, we will be highlighting some pertinent things that we need to think about and look out for in that area.

Over the years, Jen has developed a passionate interest in the topic of kids online. And she has become knowledgeable about how to protect kids in the online space. Unfortunately, her interest stems from a personal experience with her daughter. In this episode, Jen will tell us the story of that experience to highlight what goes on with kids online.

In response to what happened with her daughter, Jen started a Facebook group called Not My Kid, where she shares lots of information about the problems with our children and their online experiences and how to protect them. Be sure to stay tuned today to hear Jen’s story
and learn how to protect your kids in the online space.

Show highlights:

• Jen talks about how she came to be in the position of having to go into the world of kids in the the online space.
• The healing process for both Jen and her daughter began with Jen writing the story of what had happened.
• Jen explains why she started the closed Facebook Group, Not My Kid.
• Jen’s daughter has recovered well. She and Jen talk about everything now, including porn, se sexting, and predators.
• Shame was a big issue for Jen’s daughter after her experience.
• Parents need to be aware of the risks. And put restrictions in place for the safety of their children.
• Forty percent of eight to eleven-year-olds are unsupervised online in Australia.
• For Jen, the rule of thumb is now that any connection with the outside world brings a risk.
• Kids need to learn about the risks early. And they should hear about them from their parents first.
• Jen discusses the push-back that happened in response to the age verification for online games and pornography.
• The filters on YouTube are not very robust. Parents should be aware of that.
• Parents should experiment to see what their children will see. It is invaluable when assessing the risk.
• For people who watch porn regularly to keep on getting the same level of satisfaction, the material has to become more and more extreme.
• The way that the porn industry is creating offenders.
• Jen offers some advice for parents who are concerned after discovering that their child got exposed to child exploitation material.
• Jen talks about the Cyber Safety Lady.
• Jen explains why you should be cautious about using the word ‘trust’ when talking to your children.

Links and resources:
Jen's Story:-Online predators: Brave mums shares her true story | North Shore Mumshttps://www.facebook.com/groups/NotMyKid.parentgroup/ The Cyber Safety lady:-https://thecybersafetylady.com.au/ Gabe Deem, Reboot Nation (discussion around pornography)
https://www.rebootnation.org/

General Recommended Books:Glow Kids, Nicholas Kardaras, PhD
Breaking the Trance, George Lynn with Cynthia Johnson
The Collapse of Parenting, Leonard Sax, MD, PhD
Ten-Ager, Madonna King

Dateline, Digital Predators:-
https://www.sbs

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We have been getting some comments, queries, and questions in our mailbox recently. So in this episode, we will be introducing a new mailbox segment that we will have on the podcast from time to time.

With this podcast, we strive to raise awareness about some common topics that many of us have to deal with. So, if you are struggling with something or have an issue, the chances are that many others will be in the same boat. One of the things we received in our mailbox was an email from someone who listened to our podcast about narcissistic parents. In her email, she reflected on what that podcast meant for her regarding her narcissistic parent. She has kindly permitted us to read her email out on the show today and talk about it. Be sure to stay tuned to find out what our listener had to say.

Show highlights:

• Justine reads the letter from the listener, who we will call Jane. In it, she asks how to protect herself emotionally in her relationship with her narcissistic mother.
• Jane is trying to work out what is possible in terms of her relationship with her mother.
• In her mother’s reply to her letter, she offered Jane nothing. Nor did she apologize to Jane or validate what she said, so Jane does not know what to do.
• Jane wants recognition. She wants to be seen and understood.
• Jane wants her mum to put her stuff aside and take care of Jane in the present moment.
• Jane’s mum has not answered any of Jane‘s questions. Nor has she offered any repair or explained her behavior.
• Jane has no way of knowing if her mum’s question about her wellbeing is sincere, so the situation remains unresolved.
• Past behavior is usually the best predictor of future behavior.
• The ‘healthy adult mode’ is required for narcissistic parents to put their stuff aside and come to the table.
• Jane needs to prioritize what is important for her before re-establishing a relationship with her mother.
• Jane is likely to get triggered by her mother if she decides to re-establish a relationship with her.
• We can never make another person feel or respond in the way we would like them to.
• A therapist can help you navigate and come to terms with the hurt caused by a narcissistic parent.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Recommended reading:

Reinventing Your Life (A self-help book for schema therapy) by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

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Last week, our Red Flag Project went out, and what we talk about in today’s podcast is related to that. We will be talking about the pleasures and pitfalls of online dating today. The dating process can be hard for some women to live through. It can be quite an emotional rollercoaster, and it can also trigger lots of schemas.

The world of online dating is the way to go right now. However, people looking for partners are doing something hard because they have to maintain a state of hopefulness and willingness. And they need to face date after date, week after week, trying to find what feels like a needle in a haystack because it is not easy to find a guy who is a good match and who can give a woman what she wants. Some women come across all kinds of problems and difficulties in themselves, and the guys they meet could also make it difficult for various reasons. That makes it very hard at times to maintain your emotional equilibrium. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to avoid some of the pitfalls in the current world of online dating.

Much of what we talk about today pertains to both men and women. However, this podcast is geared mainly towards women to follow our Red Flag course.

Show highlights:

• There is often a pattern where women start off feeling optimistic, put themselves out there, and run strategies but end up feeling burnt out and hopeless.
• People are often in a situation with online dating where they get forced to make a quick choice with very little data.
• It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what will attract a guy when selecting a photo of yourself for a dating app.
• Gemma and Justine discuss an article they read about a study on the difference in importance for men and women of photos versus the profile on dating apps.
• You will never really know what someone is like until you actually meet them.
• The best kind of pictures to use of yourself on dating apps.
• The kinds of schema-triggers that women tend to experience when they are dating online.
• Having a support system is helpful if you have an abandonment schema and you are doing online dating.
• Gemma shares her experience of online dating.
• With online dating, the only way out is through. That is good for your personal development.
• The patterns that Gemma noticed with the kind of men she was attracting.
• Why you need to question it if you think you have a type.
• The number one thing that men and women look for in a partner.
• It is not easy to meet someone, but persistence pays off.
• Shifting away from schema chemistry.
• In the Red flag course, Justine goes through some tips for online dating in a lot more detail. You can check it out on our website.
• Some of the schemas that could get triggered when you are dating.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

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We have been talking a lot about narcissism on the podcast recently because we have found that one of the main themes that people come to therapy with falls within the realm of narcissism. Coming to terms with narcissistic parents is a big issue that many people face, and it can be hard to do.

In our last episode, we spoke about the nature of the different dynamics of relationships with a narcissistic parent. In this episode, we will be talking about getting to the point of seeing your narcissistic parents for who they are and accepting them just as they are. Acceptance does not mean approval, however. Nor does it mean condoning someone’s unacceptable behavior or letting them off the hook. Acceptance is about accepting the reality of what is. And that can be very hard to do because it brings up many emotions around grief and loss. Listen in today to learn about coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent and the process you need to go through around that.

Show highlights:

• You first need to come to be able to see that your parent is narcissistic. Then allow yourself to have all of your feelings about what that has meant and still means for you.
• It is good to explore your schemas and modes and discover how they were formed in the environment in which you were raised.
• The narcissistic parent is compromised, so they don’t always meet the needs of their children.
• Letting go is part of the painful process of coming to terms with a narcissistic parent.
• Why children often tend to take on the responsibility of keeping their parent emotionally safe.
• Using the schema process to overcome the difficulties that adult children of narcissistic parents tend to have.
• Coming to terms with your parent being who they are.
• Coming to terms with the feelings of grief and loss that result from toxic parenting.
• Coming to terms with your unmet childhood needs.
• Various modes result from the pain of unmet needs in children. It is important to look at those parts of yourself and re-parent yourself if you have had a narcissistic parent.
• Justine and Gemma talk about what you need to do to re-parenting yourself.
• The grief will always be there, but it will transform and change over time if you take good care of yourself.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au

Books mentioned: Will I ever Be Good Enough by Caroline McBride

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

Children of Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown

The Red Flag Project is ready. Read more about it and buy it here

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From the annoying to the serious, Justine and Gemma focus on Red Flags in the world of dating and relationships.

In this episode Gemma and Justine introduce their new online course. A short, affordable course for women who want to sharpen their radar for detecting early signs of emotional unavailability, relationship disinterest , narcissism and even more pathological or potentially dangerous signs in a new or potential partner.

When getting into a new relationship, there are many signs that indicate whether it is going to work. In today’s episode, we share the most common red flags you will see when entering into a new relationship with a partner who many be not good for you. We tend to see many women getting stuck in these relationships. Prevention is better than cure!

Some of the most common flags we see in emotionally unavailable men is ghosting or love-bombing. While both on different ends of the spectrum, both indicate the need for control and the lack of commitment. Many of these relationships have signs such as space invaders or suffocating attention in the beginning. Due to the nature of these relationships, they are often not sustainable, and can lead to physical or emotional abuse. We are very passionate about helping women avoid these cycles, and that’s why we started the Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project is a course designed to help you improve your relationships and avoid toxic interactions. If you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, join us in this episode for more information.

Show Highlights:

● The commonalities of staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner

● Why the red flag project is for women and identifying early signs that suggest your partner won’t work out

● Gemma and Justine discuss the modules of the course and what is included

● Navigating online relationships can be hard but there are ways to get a sense of who someone is

● Why you should not waste time texting with online relationships

● Justine and Gemma share negative online dating experiences

● What influences men to ghost women or stand them up and why it’s more about them than you

● Love-bombing is a big red flag and is used by narcissists to make it hard for you to have negative emotions when things go wrong

● How the 'abandoned child' part of your brain can trick you into falling for love-bombing

● Love-bombing isn’t sustainable, and it can produce an abuse cycle

● Red Flags that can indicate a toxic personality

● Tips to help women make informed choices on how to screen and who to screen out

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Go to our socials to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

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We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent.

Show highlights:

• Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
• Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
• What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
• The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
• Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial.
• How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
• Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person.
• Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.
• What you need to consider in terms of how you manage the relationship when you continue your relationship with a narcissistic parent.
• Getting to know and understand the various modes that tend to get triggered in the narcissist will help you to manage your relationship with them.
• Trying to get your narcissistic parent to reflect on and understand their behavior is a dead-end street.
• Gemma explains what is going on with the narcissist internally and how to cope with their behavior when they go into bullying or attacking mode or the angry child mode.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our

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We are continuing with our theme of narcissism, and today we are focusing on relationships with narcissistic parents. People who were raised by narcissistic parents struggle with guilt. They have trouble expressing what they think and feel about things because they worry about how people will respond to them, and whether or not people will listen to what they say, and take them seriously without judging them.

Narcissists gaslight, invalidate and dismiss people. And they are also overly critical and often play the victim. Those are things that tend to create a subjugated response from people, and as a result, narcissistic parents cause a lot of schemas in their children. In this episode, we will be looking at how your relationship with a narcissistic parent could be affecting you. We will talk about why narcissists cannot take criticism, how you would know that you got parented by a narcissist, understanding how your schemas and coping styles got shaped by a narcissistic parent, and the traumatic effects of being loved conditionally. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out how narcissistic parents operate and learn how to deal with the consequences of having grown up in a narcissistic situation.

Show highlights:

• Why it’s so hard to be authentic in the presence of a narcissistic parent.
• Why narcissists cannot bear criticism.
• How a narcissistic parent tends to cope with criticism.
• How you would know that you are getting parented by a narcissist.
• Understanding your schemas and coping styles, and learning how they got shaped by the schemas and coping styles of your narcissistic parent.
• Narcissistic parents tend to have a fantasy that their children are just like them.
• The traumatic effects of narcissistic parents turning on their children and becoming punitive.
• The effects of being parented by a narcissist who is only capable of loving conditionally.
• Looking at competitive mother syndrome.
• Why narcissists often become alcoholics.
• Why it is important to get therapy if you were raised by a narcissistic parent.
• Why self-doubt is a common consequence of having been raised by a narcissist.
• Disentangling the confusion.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

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Today, we’re talking about an issue related to grief and loss. Grief is a multifaceted process, and it can be influenced by many different factors. Suffering the loss of someone we love can be a life-changing experience, and after going through that, it is quite normal to feel like a completely different person. In this episode, we discuss the process of grief, and we talk about how unique it is and how much it differs for every one of us.

Grief is a complex process that we all deal with in our own way. Sometimes, however, the people in our lives don’t quite understand our process of grieving and they expect us to be able to recover and move on far more quickly than we can. They could become frustrated or irritated with us when we don’t progress according to the timeline they have in mind, and that could make us worry or become concerned that we are not doing our grieving in the right way. Stay tuned today to learn the truth about the process of grieving, and learn how to show up for someone who is grieving and lean into their loss. You will also find out why you should never compare your experience of loss with that of anyone else.

Show highlights:

• Some of the factors that influence the way that we grieve.
• The things that people tend to worry about in terms of their grief.
• Why so many people are worried about not conforming to a socially-sanctioned grief path.
• People struggle to get their heads around the concept that we are all going to die.
• In our society, there is often something missing in how people relate to someone else’s loss.
• Why we try to protect ourselves from the pain of the real and raw feelings of loss and grief.
• 2020 has been a year of confrontation around the area of loss and grief.
• The pain of non-acknowledgment.
• Leaning into someone else’s loss.
• The kind of responses that tend to make a bereaved person feel uncomfortable.
• Looking at complicated grief.
• How to show up for someone who is grieving.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

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As promised, we are continuing with the theme of narcissism. Some of us have no choice but to live with a narcissist or be around one at certain times. That is usually not very easy to do, so, today we will be talking about ways you can manage the narcissist in your life when you cannot escape having to spend time around them. It could be a parent, a sibling, a relative, an in-law, a boss, or even a work colleague.

Christmas tends to be one of those times when we find ourselves having to sit around a table with someone whose company we would normally prefer to avoid. A narcissist is someone who is at the core of it, very self-absorbed, and their behavior can be challenging and difficult to deal with. Interacting with a narcissist is likely to trigger all of your schemas, so it is helpful to know what you can do to manage the situation. Be sure to stay tuned today to get some tips and find out the best course of action to take when you cannot avoid spending some time with the narcissist in your life.

Show highlights:

• The core qualities of a narcissist.
• The narcissistic parent.
• Why narcissists tend to blame others.
• The covert narcissist.
• Boundaries are necessary for your mental health, but they can sometimes be hard to define.
• Justine shares some ways that you can manage a narcissist.
• The way that narcissists behave can make it difficult to be around them. Justine and Gemma share some tips for making it a little easier.
• Practicing interpersonal mindfulness.
• Sometimes, relationships are very difficult and non-manageable.
• What you can do to prepare yourself before spending time with a narcissist.
• Some ways to protect yourself.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Books mentioned:

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W Brown

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T Behary

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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Show highlights:

• The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion.
• How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion.
• Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is.
• What self-compassion means.
• About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer.
• The gift that self-compassion provides for us.
• Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion.
• What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling.
• The importance of self-validation.
• Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term.
• Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse.
• It takes courage to have self-compassion.
• Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Show highlights:

• The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion.
• How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion.
• Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is.
• What self-compassion means.
• About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer.
• The gift that self-compassion provides for us.
• Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion.
• What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling.
• The importance of self-validation.
• Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term.
• Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse.
• It takes courage to have self-compassion.
• Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

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We’re talking about something very interesting today. We’re starting a series discussion on narcissism, a topic that has come up a lot for us as clinicians over the years. Many of our clients have also nominated narcissism as a topic that they would like us to talk about.

In our practices, we see many people whose lives are affected by narcissism, and those relationships are often very preoccupying and distressing. Some people have parents, partners, friends, or even bosses who are narcissists. Today, in our first episode of this series, we will be covering what narcissism is, exactly. We will discuss the particulars in-depth, and we will also give you some examples. Going forward, we will be following on with some more specific episodes on the topic of narcissism. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what narcissism is and the kind of impact it could have on your life.

Show highlights:

• What narcissism is.
• What a healthy amount of narcissism means.
• What insidious narcissism entails.
• Some of the more obvious traits of narcissists.
• The grandiose narcissist.
• Why narcissists avoid feeling vulnerable.
• Why it’s so difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist.
• The schemas of the types of people who tend to gather around narcissists.
• Why relationships with narcissists can lead to depression.
• Why and how narcissists tend to overcompensate.
• The malignant narcissist.
• Using empathic confrontation in therapy with narcissists.
• The origins of narcissism from a schema perspective.
• How narcissists gain their supply.
• The covert narcissist.
• Some of the defining characteristics of people with narcissism.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

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Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you.

With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life.

Show highlights:

• The primary emotion that drives the self-sacrifice schema.
• How the self-sacrifice and the subjugation schemas differ.
• Why you could end up with burnout as a result of self-sacrifice.
• The primary emotional driver of the subjugation schema.
• Why subjugation causes you to suppress your authenticity.
• How the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas affect relationships.
• Why you’re likely to choose partners with extreme personality types, like narcissists, when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
• Why it is hard to have healthy boundaries when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
• How different schemas operate and roll out at the various stages of a relationship.
• What happens to you when you chronically suppress yourself in a relationship.
• Coping with the shame and grief around the realization of what your unhealthy relationship truly is.
• Two common patterns that incorporate the self-sacrifice, subjugation, and abandonment schemas.
• How to put yourself in a position to start feeling more powerful.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

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An extended version of the Loving Kindness meditation 

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The loving kindness (or metta) meditation – is a type of Buddhist meditation which focuses on sending love, care and good will to yourself as well as others. The old name for this meditation is the metta bhavana. In this adaptation of the metta bhavana, I focus on the first stage - sending metta (or love) to ourselves.

These types of meditations are particularly good for helping you cultivate a deep sense of compassion for yourself and others and can help with calming down negative self-talk and negative emotional states.

The loving kindness meditation can also help with developing greater acceptance around situations over which you have no control and helping you accept reality, including other people for who they are.

These kinds of compassions focused meditations also have neurological underpinning and help us change the way we view ourselves, other people and the world in which we live. With a regular practice we can learn to better handle the ups and downs of everyday life and to develop more positive emotional states and more prosocial or compassion based behaviours. Research teaches us that a regular mediation practice whether that be mindfulness-based, insight-based or compassion-based, can actually change our brains for the better and can contribute to a healthier life.Dr Gemma Gladstone
www.goodmood.com.au Visit our podcast pagehttps://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

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In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss how the abandonment schema can prevent someone from ending or leaving an unhealthy romantic relationship. Being able to walk away from a relationship that is not good for you can be a very difficult and daunting experience. There are some relationships which seem so familiar on a sub-conscious level because the dynamics match or replicate aspects of our earliest attachments - that is our relationships with our parents or care-givers when we were young children. These relationships are often with partners who cannot commit, are unstable in some way and unavailable in some way. The flavour of these relationships is that they are inconsistent, with a tenuous or insecure connection. The 'abandoned child' part of us, feels a sense of "sameness" and stays in these relationships, hoping and longing that the unavailable partner will one day become available. We also discuss in some detail, why it is especially hard for some people to walk away from an affair that they are having with a married person (ie, an extremely unavailable person).

Please visit https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information and to visit our podcast page to send us a note, ask a question or suggest a topic for future episodes.

Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy or to inquire about schema coaching with Gemma or Justine.

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The third in the series of our discussions on the abandonment schema and its role in romantic relationships.  In this episode we discuss the ways that an abandonment schema can play out in an otherwise stable and secure relationship and cause havoc for you and your partner.  What are some of the ways that an unchecked or largely unhealed abandonment schema can sabotage your relationship? How can you begin to notice your abandonment triggers in this contents and use your "healthy adult" mode to help you navigate through the maze of abandonment feelings.  It's not easy but you can get there over time!
Please visit www.goodmood.com.au for more information and to visit our podcast page to send us a note. 
Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy.

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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Show highlights:
* The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion. * How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion. * Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is. * What self-compassion means. * About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer. * The gift that self-compassion provides for us. * Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion. * What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling. * The importance of self-validation. * Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term. * Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse. * It takes courage to have self-compassion. * Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

Links and resources:
The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

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In this episode, Justine and Gemma discuss a very common issue they see in their practice. Many of us have a pattern of being attracted to and staying with romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable. What exactly is Unavailability anyway? In this episode we focus at depth on this type of relationship dynamic, we give common examples and discuss the schema involved and how they are commonly triggered. We then discuss how people can begin to change this pattern and what they need to do to start seeing their relationships more clearly and make different choices. It's a meaty episode. Stay tuned for further episode related to this important relationship dynamic!

Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy.

Sign up using the contact box on this page and ask for your tip-sheet on the signs of an available partner https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

Feel free to ask us a question and we will answer it in the podcast – go to https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/ to ask us a question.

If you want to dig deeper into your own schemas we offer schema coaching – email reception@goodmood.com.au for more details.

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Are you a People Pleaser?  If so this episode is for you.  The Self-Sacrifice schema falls into the "other-directed" domain in schema therapy.  With this schema you are inclined to attend to the needs of others over and above your own needs.  Failure to do so often results in you feeling guilty about having let people down.   Self-sacrifice can be a form of severe self-suppression and left unchecked it can dominate your life and result in depression down the track.  Gemma discusses 6 key signs that suggests you have a major self-sacrifice schema; she discusses the typical family of origin circumstances which produce the schema and also gives advice about how to begin to change and confront this schema. 

The 6 tell-tale signs discussed are:
1. You can't say No.
2. You often feel Guilty.
3. You get validation needs met from being a self-sacrificer.
4. You attract and stay with Narcissists in relationships
5. You carry a lot of resentment
6. You are burnt out, feel exhausted and have various health complaints.

https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

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In this episode, Justine and Gemma dive deep into what a schema is in the context of Schema Therapy.  They discuss the role of parenting, temperament and life experience in the development of early maladaptive schemas (EMS).  Most of the schemas are reviewed and explained with examples to get you thinking.  There is also a meaty discussion of the "other-directed" schemas - such as subjugation & self-sacrifice.  The concept of schema triggering is broken down into an easy to digest explanation of trigger - urge - response (or coping style) to help you make sense of your own strong emotional triggers.  With a special mention of the abandonment schema and how it typically plays out as a relationship saboteur. 
Go to our website www.goodmood.com.au for more information about this podcast or to leave us a message. 

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You are not alone, hang in there.  In this episode Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences of the pandemic and how to take care of ourselves during this difficult period of time.  

With several suburbs in Melbourne Victoria (July 3, 2020) having to go back into Lock-down, anxiety and uncertainty is again on the rise.  Covid-19 has meant that humanity is again facing large-scale collective anxiety and trauma.  This episode gets into some practical tips for coping with isolation and lock-down and asks the question "what does covid-19 trigger for you?".  Stay with this episode for some helpful ways to cope and support around how to care for yourself amidst the chaos.  

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In this episode Gemma discusses the importance of having our core emotional needs met adequately in early life.  What are these needs and what can happen if our parents/primary attachment figures do not meet our needs on a regular basis.  Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences and Schemas that can develop as a result.  

●safety, stability & predictability

●secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)

●autonomy & growing independence

●expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)

●spontaneity, creativity & play 

●realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control

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A guided meditation / relaxation exercise to help you enhance a sense of inner wisdom and confidence in your ability to cope with change and any obstacles you may be facing. 

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Feeling down, unmotivated, fearful or depressed? Here is a list of evidence-based (backed by substantial research) suggestions & behaviours to reduce depression and help relieve nervous tension and anxiety:-

• Movement & physical exercise. Exercise and physical movement, whether it be intense or gentle can help us complete the stress response cycle, activate the relaxation response and is a natural anti-depressant.
• Some form of daily mindfulness practice, meditation or applied relaxation strategy is a must for good mental health. Coping with stress and reducing anxiety levels means that you can reduce their role as contributing factors in depression.
• Dietary modifications can absolutely help with reducing symptoms of depression, stress and anxiety. The reduction of things like sugar, alcohol and other toxins also helps with reducing brain fog & improving mental clarity also.
• Don’t underestimate the power of adequate and good quality deep sleep. Practice good sleep hygiene and go to bed earlier. Getting up earlier and getting sunlight in the morning is a mood enhancer.
• Trying dealing with denied or avoided emotions. Chronic suppressed emotions serve to create a prolonged stress response in the body, which in turn can lower immune function and also increase the risk for depression.
• Avoid ‘avoiding’ – deal with the things you are avoiding, whether they be emotional, relational, social, medical/health or physical. When all you do is ‘avoid’, you never allow yourself to learn new ways to deal with situations and master difficulties.
• Make time to schedule in joyful moments, in a deliberate way (not just decluttering – although that is pretty good!) – like meeting a friend for coffee, going to the movies, having a massage, going for a swim in the ocean – whatever provides a positive mood shiftl.
• Spend more time in nature. I know we hear this one a lot, but it really works. Activate as many of your senses as possible and try to be mindful to all those sensations.
• Make the effort to connect with others in small, incidental ways (eg, chat with the person making your coffee, make eye contact and smile at a fellow shopper walking by). Small but regular social contact is highly correlated with enhanced mood and is good for stress control.
• Asks for more hugs. Increase your level of physical contact with others if possible….even very small gestures count and have a mutually supportive effect . Physical touch is important for a sense of connection and nurturance. Think about getting a pet and if you have already got one make sure you give them plenty of physical contact. It’s beneficial and therapeutic.
• Take time to stop and breathe. Rest, slow down and reduce those expectations of yourself that might be just too high!
• Notice what you have; see, feel and practice the gratitude. Turn you mind towards the things and people that you have in your life that you appreciate. Take pleasure in small things and small achievements.
• Address unhealed or unresolved issues from the past. Time does not heal all wounds – no matter what the popular belief says. Sometimes we need help from a mental health professional to work with us to identify and address old unhelpful patterns of behaviour or old hurts from the past. Help is available.

If you notice a significant change and drop in your mood which you can’t seem to shift and if you notice that your ability to enjoy the things you normal enjoy is reduced, you should speak to your doctor and seek help from a mental health professional. Getting psychological therapy can be very helpful in guiding you to address the psychological factors which have contributed to you becoming depressed. There may also be a role for anti-depressant medication. Combining medication with counselling and therapy is often the best approach.

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Justine and Gemma introduce themselves and talk about Schema Therapy and Why this Podcast?