Don't Be a Jerk at Work: Recent Episodes
Tara Kemes, Sarah Markwick and Sandy Gunn
This is a podcast about workplace interactions. Our hope is that through conversation, stories, and years of bearing witness to many awkward, uncomfortable, and bizarre workplace situations, we will inspire others to bring their best selves to work and become better workplace humans.
There is a new phrase (well, not so new anymore) that is trending that we think is related to many of the conversations we have been having this season. And that phrase is, Quiet Quitting.
So of course, we had to weigh in too.
Key Takeaways:
- It’s not a new concept but it’s a phrase that has caught on and has people talking…and that’s a good thing
- The conversation is drawing attention to the asymmetry and tension that is naturally built in to the employee/employer relationship
- It’s okay to take pressure off of ourselves to not be the “best” all of the time
- It seems like the onus now is on the employer to be way more conscientious about what they are asking people to do
- We wish that more employees felt comfortable and safe to have conversations about boundaries and burnout with their employers
We know that many people have made the big decision to change jobs over the past few years. And while making the decision to resign is often talked about as the hardest part of the process, we think that the experience of starting a new role can be just as hard. So, today we are digging into both scenarios with…Melissa Isaza!!
Mel is the Director of People & Culture at Plenty of Fish. She is also a leader who is driven to create spaces where people can be themselves and be celebrated for being themselves. After six years at her former role, she made the decision to leave and try something new. Mel is still fresh in her new role, and, so far, so great!
Key Takeaways:
- Don’t get too caught up on the job title! Titles reflect different levels of accountability and scope at different organizations. Taking a title “drop” doesn’t always mean that you have taken a step back in your career.
- While it may sound simple, when you are considering a new opportunity, do a balance sheet! Does the excitement outweigh the fear? Not that there shouldn’t be any fear… :)
- Being uncomfortable and having some anxiety in your new role is totally okay! There is no way you should or could know everything you need to know. Be curious and learn about your new place of work – this is a chance to build new relationships, and build trust with and reliance on your new teammates.
While for some people the past couple of years has led to reflection and The Great Resignation, for others it meant really seriously considering leaving their current role, and then, after that great consideration, a decision to double-down and recommit!
And that scenario is what we are digging into today! We are very excited to welcome Harmony Cornwell to the podcast. Harmony is the director of property management with a private real estate company and she also happens to be an enthusiastic journaler! (This was very helpful to her process!) Oh, and Harmony and Sandy will now be best friends. I could be jealous…but I love them both too much! (PS Tara is writing this. Ha!)
Key Takeaways:
- Beware the temptation of the quick fix! And a desire for change just because you feel like you need SOMETHING to change.
- When you feel like you’ve lost a good balance, evaluate your fulfillment levels, and see if you can reset some work boundaries to create more balance, for yourself, your family, your friends, your passion projects…
- If you water your grass and take care of it, you might be fine where you are!
We’ve recently discussed the notion of The Great Regret, and the disappointing experience when you make the serious decision to leave your job for another opportunity, and then the other opportunity, well, doesn’t quite live up to your expectations.
We are digging into that exact scenario today! We are very excited to welcome James Hughes to the podcast. James is the HCM Deployment Lead for Workday at Alight Solutions, and he joined us to share about his big decision to leave his job to explore something new…and then how he pretty quickly realized it wasn’t what he was looking for after all.
Key Takeaways:
- The shine of a big brand can be really alluring! Doing your research is still important.
- Before making a big move, one thing to assess is whether or not you really have the energy to start something fresh, build all new relationships, learn the new ropes, etc. It’s a lot of effort!
- Life is short. Find happiness if you can. And know that what makes you happy can really shift and change over the course of our career lives.
This time, we are talking about The Great…Reimagining!
Although Mary Houle’s biggest claim to fame is playing the BC basketball provincials in 1987 with the legend Tara Kemes (ha!), she managed to find further success in her almost 30 years working as a speech pathologist. But things weren’t always right in that world. After being gifted a new perspective on her work, she sees her professional self in a whole new light, one fully aligned with her values.
Her journey can provide lessons for anyone who has that unsettled feeling and is contemplating a change. Thank you for sharing your stories, Mary!
Key Takeaways:
- If you ever refer to any opportunity as “soul-sucking”, it probably isn’t the right path for you!
- We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: surround yourself with people who can give you a new perspective, who can ask you tough questions AND be your champions!
- In addition to Mary’s hoop skills, she was pretty talented on the typewriter. (Not that it actually got her the job she wanted!!)
Sandy and Tara talk about what employee “loyalty” means – today and in the past – and how it seems to be performing a disappearing act. So what’s next? How do employers (re?) engage that loyalty? Or, is that even a reality anymore? And if not…how do employers make themselves attractive to a workforce that no longer values an engraved gold watch? Key Takeaways: * In the 20th century, employee loyalty seemed to be real! Was that because of a desire for/expectation of a clear career ladder and retirement security? Or maybe because there were fewer employment options back then? * There has been a significant shift in the balance of power and employees are making it clear they want more influence over their lives and how work fits in. * As an employer, it’s time to let go of the assumption of loyalty from your employees…and to become comfortable with the concept that you can’t be everything to all your employees. Stop trying to tick ALL the boxes! * We reference the book, “Workquake,” by Steve Cadigan. It’s a timely read as it examines current workplace trends and our prevailing narratives about the employee-employer relationship.
In this episode, we get into the nitty gritty around what the resignation experience is like from both an employee and an employer perspective. Resigning can be really daunting! And empowering. And both parties, the employee/er, have the potential to behave like jerks. We talk about how to make it a less jerk-y experience.
Key Takeaways:
- If possible, really make sure you are ready to quit your job and that it isn’t an emotional-in-the-heat-of-the-moment decision.
- As the employer, remember that this could be really scary for the employee! They are likely nervous and have been feeling anxious about coming to you.
- For both sides, stay respectful and be present in the moment. Because you never know…maybe you’ll want to work at that same place again! OR, maybe as the manager you would really like to recruit this person again! A terrible resignation experience could really damage those options.
We are super excited to speak with Haleigh about some major decisions she has made in her life, and what steps she took along the way. Haleigh is kind, thoughtful, intelligent, strong, and giving. She has MANY skills! One of which is her mind-blowing ability to balance in adversity. Thank you for joining us, Haleigh! Tech note: We had some audio issues in this episode. Thanks to Kylie for eliminating most of them! And thanks to listeners for being understanding! Key Takeaways:
- Making a huge decision will likely be uncomfortable – choosing ME can be really awkward and lead to a lot of trepidation.
- The struggle is REAL. When moving to something super new, it is super common to feel like more of a hindrance than a help.
- Be open and tell trusted people you are open to new opportunities! There are a lot of people out there who want to pay it forward.
Also:
- Haleigh and Tara have a unique relationship: they collaborated as surrogates! A major life experience for both of them. Surrogacy sisters!
We were very happy to have Vince Sobrino as our guest. Vince was super candid and shared with us about how he made a massive career shift on just a bit of a whim and completely upended his life! And…he has no regrets.
Key Takeaways:
- Stay open to, and actively solicit, ideas from others! Working together will always make the team stronger.
- When motivation seems tough, setting shorter term daily goals makes life more manageable. Also, remind yourself what inspired you to make this big move in the first place! For Vince that means keeping his eyes on the prize – the love and respect for his family.
- Vince’s three favourite songs to hit to in his classes are:
- I Wanna Know by RL Grime
- Boom by Tiesto
- Stay for It by RL Grime
Vince and Rumble Boxing:
IG: @sobrino_v, @rumbleboxing
Website: www.rumbleboxing.com
So just when many of us have accepted and gotten used to the phrase, The Great Resignation, another one has emerged, and that is, The Great Regret.
What we are hearing is that a lot of people who participated in The Great Resignation are now experiencing feelings of regret – that new position they went to is a bit of a let down and not nearly as awesome as they thought it would be. Bummer.
Intriguing? Confusing? Unexpected? We get into it!
Key Takeaways:
- Wait. Wait. Wait. Are these really “great regrets”? Or are they doubts? It is pretty common to have doubts!
- If you are feeling doubts, gather your support people – your boosters! Remember what motivated you to make such a big decision in the first place.
- And slow down. If you are going to make any sort of “great” decision in life, it’s probably worth putting in the time to really think about it!
This season of DBAJAW was inspired by The Great Resignation so we thought we’d spend some time digging into what it is, how it has evolved, and what it means to us.
Key Takeaways:
- The Great Resignation feels like too narrow of a phrase to capture the deep reflection and nuanced decision-making that many people are experiencing. We like The Great Re-ignition, Contemplation, and Reset.
- It can be scary to contemplate life and career changes. Many people have found reassurance in being part of a collective.
- This moment in time is an opportunity for employers to contemplate and reflect on the past few years – to make decisions about how they want to continue to operate and to get curious about what is now important to employees.
- It is also an invitation to employees to take stock of where they are at, what is important to them, and how they want to spend their time and energy.
This time, we talk about Tara’s very recent decision to quit her job and make a departure, after 20 years, from the animation industry. This is definitely a Great Resignation story, and we discuss how this is both simultaneously uncomfortable AND reassuring. As of the publish date, Tara is one week into the rest of her life! What’s next?? Key Takeaways: * Sometimes the biggest A-HA moments come when we see ourselves reflected by the people around us. * Our careers can be really impactful to our identities. When we are so often asked, “So, what do you do???” – Who are we without our careers? * If you are thinking about an idea and want to see it become more real, consider talking about it with your people! Talking about it may create more accountability. Annnnnd, if you are making a big life-change decision, find your “boosters”!! And talk to them often.
Also:
- Is a “retirement job” something that other people are planning on?? Asking for a friend…
In this episode, Sandy shares her great contemplation story and the “what’s next” moments that led to her decision to trade in full-time employment for self-employment. A breast cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for change but it was a series of intentional decisions and small steps that added up to one big decision.
Key Takeaways:
- “What’s next” is a journey
- The fear of “what’s next” is real and never fully goes away
- Sandy’s go-to question for deciding what to say yes to -- will this energize me or will this diminish/deplete me?
In this episode, Sarah shares a couple of her own “what’s next” moments. The first came after losing her job in the first year of becoming a new mom. The second came when she had a conversation with someone about her writing, and was challenged to make a choice between identifying as a writer and committing to it...or not. Key Takeaways:
- A shitty situation or experience can help us get clear on who we are and what we want.
- How you see yourself shapes how you talk about yourself, and can push you forward or hold you back.
- Sometimes one question can shift our perspectives. Be curious! Thank you, Paul Heywood.
It’s 2022! What the heck!!?
We've been away for…awhile. First, it was our usual summer break. Then, we determined we needed a bit more time off. Hello Covid fatigue. Simultaneously, we were generating ideas for what season 4 would look like and we had a plan…
But, it just wasn’t clicking. We felt uninspired. Over 3 seasons, we had talked about a LOT of jerky, and non-jerky, workplace stuff. If we felt maxed out on workplace jerks, had DBAJAW run its course? And if not, what’s next??
Eureka!!! WHAT’S NEXT????
Everyone is feeling it.
We are inspired to explore this, because we KNOW it’s really sitting with people, and it is heavyyyyyy. And exciting! And scary. And freeing! And…let’s talk about it. Welcome to season 4!!!
We are at EPISODE 83! And, we are wrapping up the end of our fully remote season 3!
We recorded on June 21 and were 3 weeks into the announcement of BC’s restart plan. If our COVID numbers continue in the right direction, by the time we return in the fall, we will be back to recording in person AND many of us will be back to office life.
Many people have described these COVID times as “a great pause” or “a great reset” -- an opportunity to reflect on what really matters to us. That got us thinking...after 15+ months working from home, what might office life be like in the “AFTER” times?
Key Takeaways...for this unprecedented season:
- We are super grateful for technology that has allowed us to keep recording through the pandemic. Doing the podcast has been important for our mental health.
- We are super duper grateful that people have kept listening to us! Thank you.
- And we are extra super grateful for Kylie generously providing her editing skills each episode. We <3 Kylie!
We’ll be back in the fall! Take care!
We’ve talked about it before during various conversations -- the state of the world and racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the awful actions being perpetrated against people for simply being who they are have resulted in more and more businesses and organizations making efforts for equity, diversity and inclusion.
This is important. And companies say it is important.
And yet, it is very common that the people IN CHARGE of the business are not showing up. For sure, they have lots of responsibilities and are busy. And yet, if equity, diversity and inclusion are that important...wouldn’t they make it a priority? So, the question is, are leaders who don’t show up jerks?? Or just really, really busy?
Key Takeaways:
- Human resources can’t do this alone!
- “Showing up” can mean a variety of things. Here are a few:
-
- Attend the important workshop!
- Be consistent with your values!
- Beyond talking about it...take action!
- Leaders are going to make mistakes. Let’s give value to what they do AFTER they know they’ve made a mistake.
Bonus Takeaway:
- “It’s easier to solve a capacity problem than a jerk problem. ”Wise words, Sarah, wise words.
We’re back with the final Guardian episode for season 3! In the Guardian series, we’ve been focusing on the concerns and perspectives of future business and HR professionals.
This time, our Guardian is Laura Orban. Laura is a current business student at BCIT who has worked in a few fields and explored different education paths before pursuing business administration...and she has discovered she loves it!
Over the course of the last couple of seasons of DBAJAW, we’ve talked about self-doubt quite a few times and how much it impacts us and our work. It can be a total jerk! Today, we’re revisiting that topic from the perspective of someone who is educating themselves to embark on a new career, and how pervasive self-doubt is when you are thinking about how to “sell yourself” and your past experience when applying for jobs in this new career space.
Key Takeaways:
- Think about the skills you’ve gained and how you can connect the dots for the interviewer/recruiter. Prepare in advance and anticipate how to create the links that will tell the story you want to tell and communicate them in a way that shows how transferable they are!
- Don’t downplay your experience in the service industry. So many awesome skills are required in that setting...and are keenly transferable to so many environments.
- You’ll never have all the answers all of the time! It’s about how you would think about getting the answer. Resourcefulness for the WIN!!
Burnt out. Languishing. Unmotivated. Tired. Stuck. Many of us have had these general feelings of malaise over the past 15 months and lately...well lately, it seems even more acute.
A recurring theme that we’ve been hearing from leaders and HR professionals is that they are feeling helpless when it comes to the topic of employee burnout. They have been seeing employee burnout throughout the pandemic and supporting their teams and colleagues as best as they can. But, they are also experiencing burnout and that leaves them with a lot less capacity to lead and support others. And less capacity is typically a recipe for us inadvertently becoming jerks at work. So, what to do??
Key Takeaways:
- It is important to talk about this because it is real! Talking about it makes it more okay.
- All of us are responsible, regardless of job title, to take care and notice burnout, and that our colleague, our employee, may be languishing.
- In spite of everything, acknowledge that work is STILL getting done! Amazing.
We’ve talked about imposter syndrome (aka newbie nerves, productive discomfort) and today we are talking about something a little different. While we have noticed that more women in leadership are feeling worthy AND welcome AND confident and not like imposters at all, we still self-edit our words and actions because we worry our confidence will be judged negatively.
So in this episode, we consider the question: why do so many confident and successful women leaders worry that their confidence and success is making them look like jerks at work?
Key Takeaways:
- There is a difference between confidence and arrogance.
- Adaptability is a valuable skill. At the same time, being too adaptable can lead to self-editing, being a chameleon, and a loss of self.
- Be brave! Be confident! And lift others up with you.
*In this episode, we noted the work of leaders Rachel Cargle, Glennon Doyle, Liz Plank, and Tara’s pal Fiona Proctor. Thank you to all of them!
This is our 4th episode in our DBAJAW Guardian series – a series of episodes focusing on the concerns and perspectives of future business and HR professionals. We call them the guardians because they are the next generation that will strive to keep the jerkiness down at work.
Our Guardian this time around is Amrit Humpal, a 2nd year student in the British Columbia Institute of Technology Human Resources Management Program. Amrit talks with us about what makes a boss NOT a jerk, and how that’s an important factor in deciding where he’ll work in the future. Besides being passionate about HR and positive work environments, Amrit is also VERY passionate about the Vancouver Canucks.
Key Takeaways:
- Good boss traits include compassion and empathy -- a boss that recognizes when their team member may be having a hard time.
- Also...recognizing when their team members are doing a great job! Not taking it (and them!) for granted.
- When assessing whether or not you want to approach your boss about a difficult behaviour they are exhibiting (scary situation!!), motivate yourself by focusing on the positive that could come out of it! Nothing will change if you say nothing.
Bonus Takeaway:
- The next gen is generation Alpha! Born between 2010 and 2024. Wow.
We learn and grow when we know how we are doing, and, for most of us, our go-to method for figuring out how we are doing is to rely on the feedback of others. Still, many of us generally find giving and receiving feedback uncomfortable. How come? And, does it have something to do with the word itself??
Key Takeaways:
- There are differences between criticism and feedback, and one of the key differences is context. We need context!
- If you are asking for feedback, be specific about what you want feedback on.
- Feedback is so one-way! It feels like you just have to sit there and take it. It’s time to reframe feedback as a conversation.
Bonus Takeaway:
- While we all love sandwiches...no more sh$t sandwiches! Take the bread off and get to the point.
Tech note: our sound is more hollow than usual in this episode. Endeavouring to improve for next time!
One of the biggest shifts that we have noticed during these COVID times is the acceptance and understanding that employees have personal lives outside of work. Before COVID, many of us would be mortified if our child or pet made a peep (or even worse, appeared) in the background of a video call; we wouldn’t dream of wearing the same sweatshirt to work three days in a row, and we would feel uncomfortable saying that we had to wrap up a call to attend to a personal matter.
And then COVID-19 happened. Suddenly we all seemed to be more understanding of one another’s personal situations, and in fact, the appearance of the pet is often the meeting highlight!
That got us thinking about work personas and how much we bring of ourselves to the workplace.
Key Takeaways:
- “Bringing our whole selves to work” is relative! Individuals are going to be more or less open depending on their personalities, their feeling of safety, their cultural backgrounds, self-confidence in their abilities, etc.
- It’s important to think about what is defined as “professional” and whether or not it needs a rewrite. (Yes, yes it does.)
- And still, showing up as your whole self can make you look like a jerk! Watch out for the over-share. Don’t make it all about you...intention doesn’t mitigate impact.
Our latest episode is the 3rd in our DBAJAW Guardian series… our series of episodes focusing on the concerns and perspectives of future business and HR professionals. We call them the guardians because they are the next generation that will strive to keep the jerkiness down at work.
This conversation’s guest co-host, Nura Salous, is a current student at Concordia University of Edmonton, she loves pasta, and due to the time difference, she made the HUGE effort to record with us at 6am her time! Thank you, Nura!!
While we have talked a lot about COVID-19 and how the global pandemic has impacted our working lives, with Nura we tackle it from the perspective of a university student.
Key Takeaways:
- Necessity forced the building of some new skills -- learning how to cope with uncertainty and how to adapt to change.
- The resilience we develop during this time will translate well into workplaces! We’ll face challenges every day, just like now, and be able to tackle them with more confidence.
- The pandemic experience makes us realize the day-to-day things we took for granted that now we miss -- even walking in the freezing cold to class!
Look. For many people, it’s been a long year (yes, a YEAR!) of very little face to face and much more screen to screen. Through it all, we have tried to adapt in various ways. Some of these ways have proven to be more successful than others. But no matter what, we still find ourselves saying: this stuff is hard. Really HARD. (Okay, two of us are saying it more than the other!) By stuff we mean communicating. Connecting. Keeping up relationships over a screen. Having a solid read on things. Working as a team. Feeling like a team.
In this episode, we (two of us more than the other!) get to whine and bemoan and grieve and complain about all the things we miss about having a proper sit down with a person and being in a workplace, and actually interacting with other humans there.
Key Takeaways:
- We miss the real vibe of shared energy that happens when a bunch of people are in the same space. That feeling when a whole room of people start to laugh about something...and then just can’t stop. :)
- Sandy is happy to not have people regularly ask her, “Oh, hey, do you have a minute??” (Which really means 30 minutes.) We feel you, Sandy.
- Who knows!? Maybe the pandemic will lead to a real change in the bra business! No more underwire ever!!
Lately, it seems that we have had a lot more time to be introspective. Maybe it’s because of COVID (for sure, it is partially related to COVID), maybe it is because of the general state of the world… Who knows? What we do know… is that introspection and self-reflection generally lead to self-awareness, and self-awareness hopefully reduces jerkiness at work! In other words, when it comes to not being a jerk at work, it all starts with YOU! And US! (Not just you. We need the mirror, too!)
Key Takeaways:
- Reflection is thinking...about...something. 🤔 How is that for descriptive??
- If you notice you generally reflect during challenging times, try doing it when something has gone really well, too!
- It’s okay to be uncomfortable when we self-reflect. Keep looking anyway! Practice, practice, practice.
This episode is the 2nd in our DBAJAW Guardian series -- our series of episodes focusing on the concerns and perspectives of future business and HR professionals. We call them the guardians because they are the next generation that will strive to keep the jerkiness down at work. In this discussion, we talk with Guardian Maggie Majerova, a student at Concordia University of Edmonton, about how prepared / unprepared students and new grads feel about starting their first career job and what they are doing about that. Big thank you to Maggie for showing up as her true self and sharing her experience and her feelings about the future!
Key Takeaways:
- Make the most of internship and co-op opportunities. These help fill in the practical knowledge gaps that can’t help but exist in educational programs.
- Think about how to reframe concerns -- ask yourself questions that can help you take your concerns and identify new ways to approach building confidence The fake-it-to-you-make-it approach might be your friend!
- Keep learning! Stay curious! In addition to the program at university or college, there are other ways to add to your education: networks, community, podcasts (that’s us!!), reading, etc.
Bonus Takeaway:
- Misconceptions of Gen Z? That they don’t want to work hard or for anyone else. Rather, they want to work with organizations that focus on development and sustainability, where they can show up as their true selves, and for and with leaders who want to make a difference.
We thought it would be a strong contrast to follow up our gratitude episode with one on toxic positivity. Before we could even get into a discussion on this topic, we had to get clear on what the heck it is! Our nutshell definition goes something like this: glazing over or ignoring the crappiness of a situation and not acknowledging how hard something might be, and how negatively it may be impacting someone, a team or a company. Often, it’s combined with a lot of finding-of-silver-linings, something that the three of us, who lean towards being positive, are prone to do. We’ve got some contrasting points of view this time! At least we are still friends though. (See what we did there?) :)
Key Takeaways:
- One thing we all agreed on is that, at first, the notion of this made us mega eyerolllllll.
- Don’t pretend the tough stuff isn’t happening! If you’ve got crappy news to share with your team, be up front about it, having an authentic conversation, and then move to solution-finding.
- Positivity and platitudes are going to impact people in really different ways, and, as always, positive intention doesn’t mitigate impact. Three things to keep in mind: topic, timing, audience.
Are you a glass half full, silver lining, always-look-on-the-bright-side kind of person? Are you good at turning towards what you have? Does practicing gratitude come naturally to you? Or, are you someone who thinks that they could be better at feeling grateful for what you have? Or, are you someone who thinks that this gratitude stuff is way too woo woo for you?
The three of us generally trend towards the optimistic and grateful side of the spectrum. But gratitude can be tricky. In this episode we discuss the paradoxical nature of gratitude: sometimes it serves us AND sometimes it might just lead us to tolerating more than we should. Conundrum? Yes, we think so.
PS: This episode was recorded in early November 2020.
Oh! And we kick off the episode with a quick statement of our guiding words/phrases for 2021.
Sandy: Reflection and Celebration
Sarah: Roll with It!
Tara: Lift
Key Takeaways:
- What’s the motivation to express gratitude? Is it a grounding practice? Is it to shift perspective? Is it about recognition of another? Or is it about connection?
- It’s possible that the pressure to be grateful (externally or internally applied) can lead us to inauthenticity, or to stay in situations that are less than awesome.
- There isn’t a templated way of expressing gratitude that works for all. Singing gorillas are not a one-size-fits-all approach. :)
It’s that time! We reflect on the words we had identified to guide us through 2020. Needless to say, this year really wasn’t what any of us expected. Did the words hold up??
These were our 2020 words (or, in the case of Sarah, phrases!):
Tara - LEVITY
Sarah - YOU’RE IN A FIELD
Sandy - CREATE
Sarah and Sandy already have their phrases and words for 2021! Tara, not so much. (Not a surprise.)
And, Happy New Year! Thank you for listening.
Has anyone ever said anything to you that has just stuck? That definitely happened to us when our good friend and co-host, Tara Kemes, casually said one day, “Everyone is a leader to someone.” That was probably 3 years ago and since that time, this phrase has been repeated and used by us many times. Thank you Tara for those inspiring words and for inspiring our episode topic for today.
In this episode, we unpack our thoughts on what leadership is and how that definition has changed for us over time. We also talk about the limiting beliefs (from ourselves or others) that hold us back from being the leader we want to be. And then of course, we talk about ways to push back on those limiting beliefs.
Key Takeaways:
- Lead by example! Every time you make the choice to be a better workplace human, you give permission for someone else to do the same.
- Use these COVID times as an opportunity to practice being the leader you want to be.
- Leadership can happen anytime, anywhere, and everyday.
- Don’t worry about making mistakes and being perfect. Get back up and keep going, even if it feels kinda crappy on some days.
Most of us who have the privilege to be able to keep our jobs (and are likely working from home) during this global pandemic feel pretty darn lucky. Many who are working from home even prefer it! But with the holidays approaching, it got us thinking about the parties we are going to miss out on this year -- the ones we liked going to, and the ones, as HR, we hated planning. This year, it is a different conversation and it goes something like this: how can we, as leaders, create meaningful conditions of connection? How do we celebrate together without overwhelming each other? What kind of connection do people need or expect? Great. This planning seems EVEN harder than chicken, fish or vegan!
Key Takeaways:
- Find ways to provide different options for people to participate, so it’s not simply another large virtual gathering. Maybe it’s an opportunity to try something new that always got ex-nayed in the past.
- If you are organizing a company holiday activity, make it truly optional! That also means no judgy judgerson if employees don’t show up.
- As the pandemic and the safety protocols have continued, we just may miss the holiday party more than we anticipated. Bah, COVIDbug.
Holiday Bonus Takeaway:
- Sarah makes delicious Nanaimo Bars!! She uses sea salt on the top...amazing!
We mentioned at the beginning of the season that we are trying some new things! We are excited to introduce our DBAJAW Guardian series where we focus on the perspectives of future business and HR professionals. We call them the guardians because they are the next generation that will strive to keep the jerkiness down at work. Goooo guardians!
We are also excited to share the mic with our first guardian, Christie Sage Reddy. Christie is a current student in the human resources program at Kwantlen Polytechnic University, and she was brave enough to sit down and have a conversation with us about how she’s feeling about embarking on her HR career. (Thanks for joining us, Christie!)
It’s been a minute (okay, a lot of years) since we started our careers and it is safe to say that there are a lot of things that a) we don’t remember and b) have completely changed. That said, one feeling that might be consistent across generations is the PRESSURE to find that first career job. Oof.
Key Takeaways:
- While a first job may not be perfect, it’s highly likely that there is still something to be gained from the experience. (As long as it isn’t a terrible workplace!)
- It’s not just about the right job, it’s about the right company, too! Does the company have values that align with yours? And then the company needs to actually follow through on them.
- Keep goals in mind! Reflect. Ask yourself: in a year from now, will this opportunity have taken you closer to your goals? (Also note, your goals are likely to change over time!!)
In this episode, we are visiting the topic of the pandemic, again. Because, let’s be real, it’s our reality! And it significantly impacts E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
We are so happy to have a guest with us...someone whose job has really morphed as a result of COVID-19. Sara Martin joins us to speak about what it’s been like to take on the responsibility of COVID safety protocols in the workplace. Co-workers commit (mostly unintentional) COVID jerky offenses, and then the COVID officer feels like a jerk having to call them out on them! It feels like a bit of a lose-lose scenario! Sheesh. All that to say that, over the past several months, whether it be about masks or hand-washing, Sara has been overheard saying, oh, just a few times, “Don’t make me ask you again!”
Key Takeaways:
- Because this, the pandemic, is a new experience, every decision may feel awkward! And you might feel uncomfortable because you don’t know the answers. These are normal feelings!
- Adaptability is the name of the game. Be ready to pivot quickly and frequently.
- It’s okay to cry, and cry often.
And...an extra one for this episode:
- Being the “COVID officer” is an important job! And yet, it doesn’t always get a ton of enthusiastic, sincere gratitude. So, to all people doing this work in workplaces...THANK YOU!!!!!
We had some connectivity issues at the start of this episode that affected the sound quality. Thanks for bearing with us! Clears up after the first several minutes.
Are you feeling stuck? Many of us have taken the eye off our own learning and development in place of coping and just surviving in such uncertain times. Some of us may be feeling this more than ever due to COVID while others may have been feeling this way their whole working lives. How do we start (or restart) those conversations with our employers about investing in developing ourselves and our teams?
Key Takeaways:
- YOU (as an employee) are the main person responsible for driving your own learning and development.
- For both employees and employers...be aware of capacity! What can people realistically take on these days?
- Learning and development doesn’t just come from classes and training programs. Podcasts, books, discussions! Be curious! (Our favourite suggestion.) :)
During recruitment, one thing that consistently comes up from candidates is that they want to work somewhere with a good team and people that work well together. In many ways, that idea seems pretty baseline…of course, most of us want to work with people that we like and work well with. But it did get us thinking…how realistic is this wish? Are we going to get along with all of the people, all of the time?
Key Takeaways:
- If it’s really one person, think about all the other people you enjoy working with everyday! Do your values align with most of the people you work with? Try and get some perspective before determining that quitting is the only option.
- Adaptability is imperative to finding a way to work with people we perceive are jerks. See if you can still create connection with people that you don’t automatically like.
- While it’s all of our responsibility to address the jerks and the jerky behaviour, it’s especially your responsibility If you are in a position of power and influence.
Bonus Takeaway:
- Don’t let the jerks win!
In this episode, we chat with our colleague and friend, Alex Goodman. Alex is an HR pro and works in the animation industry. She joins DBAJAW as a guest to have a conversation about equity, diversity and inclusion.
With ongoing and systemic anti-Black and anti-Indigenous racism, including the recent murder of George Floyd, the shooting of Jacob Blake, the fatal shooting of Breonna Taylor, the police-involved death of Regis Porchinski-Porquet, the death of Joyce Equachan and, tragically, the killing of many, many more Black and Indigenous people in both the US and Canada, we are seeing a lot of workplaces react. While some organizations were already taking actions to improve equity, diversity and inclusion, we discuss how a lot MORE interest and energy are being put into this now.
Key Takeaways:
- ED&I initiatives don’t live in a vacuum! We need to move beyond initiatives to making equity in the workplace the new systemic.
- Avoid getting caught up in check-boxes. Commitment to ED&I is more than feeling good about diversity hires.
- When we strive to do better with ED&I, we are going to make mistakes. Don’t let that stop us from trying.
We’re back! We’ve taken a summer break and now...here we are, at the start of season THREE!
Before we get into our real talk, we have an update to how we are trying things this season: we are going to be releasing episodes every other week, with the occasional longer break over the course of the whole year.
We are kicking things off with at least one tradition -- a conversation about ETIQUETTE. This time, it’s specifically about COVID-19 etiquette and work!
Key Takeaways:
- Masks are a good reminder that we are in a pandemic. They help to ensure physical distancing because it makes us remember that we shouldn’t get too close to each other!
- A good thing that has come out of living and working in the current climate, people are asking for consent a lot more. Entering offices, elevators, touching someone else’s computer, etc. We hope this increase in consent-asking continues and spreads!
- Another positive is people expressing appreciation more often. Co-workers are recognizing the effort being put in by the support teams and by people in roles that don’t always get as much gratitude. Thank you!
Bonus Takeaway:
If you are looking to go to a brewery, Red Truck has done an AMAZING job with their COVID protocols! Shout out to Red Truck. :) And, their beer is delicious. https://redtruckbeer.com/
Wow. We are at episode 60! Not only have we recorded a 40-episode this season, we have recorded 11 of them remotely. Thanks to our amazing editor Kylie for making that possible!
The three of us are huge fans of reflecting on our experiences to look for the growth opportunities. Given that this is our last episode for this season and we have had 4 months of living in COVID times, this seems like a good moment to stop and reflect.
Key Takeaways:
- We’ve all noticed we’ve got some strong feelings about being introverted, extroverted, and working from home: Sandy likes working from home and having her own schedule; Sarah really likes working at home... but ALONE; and Tara actually really likes spontaneous social interactions in the workplace!
- Businesses and individuals have adapted so quickly and been able to operate in more flexible ways with, in some cases, the vast majority of their employees working from home -- hopefully this level of flexibility will continue into the future and will increase the accessibility of certain work environments.
- Maybe we’ll finally see the permanent demise of the handshake! And, hopefully, that toe tap greeting is short-lived and also disappears just as fast as it emerged. (Please!)
WHAT do you want to be when you grow up? Or, what do you want to DO when you grow up? This is a classic question that, probably, many of us have been asked in our lives. What if the question was different? Rather, WHO do you BE? Take the focus off the what, and really make a bigger deal about WHO we want to BE.
How much does this version of the questions make us pause and really reflect? In this episode's conversation, we see we really have a lot in common when we look at who each of us are striving to be.
Key Takeaways:
- Pause, take a moment and think, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” Will that prevent some jerky behaviours?
- Traveling...the great re-start! It’s like you get to be a fresh version of yourself!
- Dr. Bonnie Henry. Wow. She is really showing us another style of leadership. She is showing up as who she is. What an inspiration. You be YOU, Dr. Henry! Thank you!
Remote working. Virtual teams. That is the situation many of us find ourselves in now. Before coronavirus, the consensus on the effectiveness of remote working seemed split. But now, we are in it and will likely be in it for the foreseeable future. One of the hardest adjustments for people seems to be the loss of connection. It turns out that all of the informal and in-between meeting chit chat played a huge part in creating connection and building relationships. So, in this new normal, how can we be out of sight but not out of mind?
Key Takeaways:
- While you may not need to connect with someone today, someone else may really need that from you. Keep this in mind and do your part to foster connected, trusting, relationships with people at work no matter what your job title is.
- Be adaptable! This is all so fluid. Don’t assume that how you show up today will be what is needed tomorrow.
These days, if you are fortunate to be healthy and working, you are probably working from home. If you are a boss, you have likely discovered that a “management by walking around style” doesn’t work as well during a pandemic. And, if you are an employee, it has likely meant that you need to take more responsibility for “being seen” and asking for what you need. But are you asking for too much? What is too much? When does asking for what you need start becoming “needy?”
Key Takeaways:
- Many of us are scared to ask for what we need. To overcome that fear, consider:
-
- What will be different if I ask for what I need or ask to be supported differently?
- What will happen if I continue keeping it to myself?
- How would I feel if someone asked me for the same help/compassion we are asking of them?
- Challenge your own perceptions of why you might see someone as “needy”
- It’s a gift to help someone. And it’s a gift to allow someone to help us!
We have noticed that COVID-19 is impacting us and the people we work with in waves. And now, with many people working remotely, it is hard to know if our colleagues are struggling. When it comes to talking about mental health, many people (including the 3 of us) are unsure about how to check in with each other or even if we can. So, what did we do? We invited an expert to join our conversation!
We were so excited to welcome our friend, Sean Raible to talk about this very important topic. Sean is the founder of, Game Plan Total Rewards Consulting, where he provides strategic consulting and project management services around total rewards and workplace mental health programs. Just like us, he is passionate about creating better workplace humans. You can find out more about Sean at www.gameplantotalrewards.ca and at www.changeonelife.ca.
Key Takeaways
- We don’t know what we don’t know; take the time to pause and be more compassionate about our own thinking and how we see others.
- Consider using the ‘4 Quadrant Exercise’ to frame conversations about mental health.
- As a boss, how are you taking care of yourself? Taking care of yourself puts you in the best place to support others.
- Words matter –our words can positively change outcomes; any easy change is to replace ‘should/must’ with ‘consider.’
Are signs in the workplace really effective? How can we communicate to colleagues that we don’t like their behaviour without coming across as a jerk ourselves? Heads up! We have a deep discussion about farting at work. This episode is a real gas!
Key Takeaways:
- Before posting a sign, consider: is the message really for EVERYONE? Or could this be a more direct conversation with a specific person?
- Too many signs may result in people reading NONE of the signs.
- The sign may have the opposite effect and the offender will do the offending behaviour even more. Look out for the backfire!
Bonus Takeaway:
- Do not go into a pool if you have active diarrhea. Enough said.
On a recent episode of the podcast, Skimm’d From the Couch, the hosts (Carly and Danielle) interviewed Gretchen Carlson. In the interview, Gretchen made the comment that if employees are harassed at work, they should NOT go to HR because HR is on the “side of the company.” This did grab our attention and it got us thinking…what is the role of HR in an organization? And as HR pros, how do we balance being there for the people AND repping the company? How do we shift this notion so that HR is not seen as a workplace jerk?
Key Takeaways:
- The definition of the HR function really depends on what organization it's within, from policing liability and mitigating risk to creating and fostering a great place to work, and everything in between!
- Often people associate negative interactions when they think of HR -- the classic pink slip, a performance issue, etc. The bad experiences are usually the stories people tell. Do what you can to NOT be seen as the complaints department!
- Focus on integrity rather than likeability.
In this episode, we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly that can result from our egos taking centre stage. Egos can definitely lead to some jerky behaviours at work.
Tech note: We had some challenges with our sound this episode. The levels are off. Distance podcasting is not always easy! Thanks for bearing with us while we try to sort it out for next time!
Key Takeaways:
- Ego pro: Failure isn’t an option. It doesn’t even cross our minds, which means we may take some (smart) risks and have some excellent opportunities and results!
- Ego con: Can lead to hero behaviours. We can fix and solve everything, even when no one asks us to be their hero. Besides rubbing people the wrong way, this can also take away opportunities from other people to be accountable and try new things.
- Ego and gender: are women judged with more skepticism when they show up with ego? Are men unfairly judged when they show up as confident? Hmmmm, we are a bit split on this one.
Is minding our own business always a good thing? Ooooo, good question! Often, when people come to us with an opinion, suggestion, or concern that they have yet to voice, they tell us that the reason they haven’t put it forward is because it is, “not their place.” In this episode, we talk about how minding your own business, putting your head in the sand, and not getting involved is not always a good thing and can even make you the jerk!
Note: this episode is a companion episode to Putting Down the Gavel, episode 50.
Key Takeaways:
- In our experience, one of the reasons people don’t speak up and default to, “that’s just not my place,” is FEAR. And as we know, fear is a jerk!
- A couple of questions to ask yourself: Am I waiting for someone else to do something? If so, what makes them more accountable?
- You can be a better workplace human at any level of position in an organization. You don’t have to be a boss or a manager or a leader by title. You can be a leader by being a better colleague to your colleagues and modeling awesome workplace behaviors.
There are many front-line workers courageously working to support us during COVID-19. Thank you so much to them!
For those of us fortunate to continue working, we are working from home. And our mantra of don’t be a jerk at work applies to this situation, too! In this minisode, we discuss some of the aspects of working from home that may lead to jerky AND lovely behaviours in ourselves, our colleagues, and our employers.
Key Takeaways:
- Remember self-compassion
- Adjusting to a new normal takes time; don’t expect perfection from yourself and others
- It’s okay to not be baking bread right now!
What can we do differently at work to be less judgy and how can we learn to better mind our own business?
Even when we keep our judgy thoughts to ourselves, it’s still not a positive thing. Is there a way to reduce these thoughts from the get-go? And what about those mother-daughter relationships!? The judging behaviours seem to be at full-tilt there. Why is that? Hmmmmm… We go deep!
Key Takeaways:
- Unless your name is Judy, is it ever really acceptable to pass judgment?
- There can be a real snowball effect! Like a lot of negative things, it can spiral. No good! Even more no good during extremely stressful times like the one we are in now.
- When we put down the gavel, we are way more likely to be able to see and hear other peoples’ opinions and great ideas which of course is valuable and builds connection.
Bonus Takeaway:
- Uggs and those who wear them deserve to be judged. Enough said. (Joking! Sort of.)
Due to COVID-19, this is our first remote podcast recording! The show must go on!
Imposter syndrome describes feelings of severe inadequacy and self-doubt that can leave people fearing that they will be exposed as a “fraud”, usually in their work lives. And you know what? Imposter syndrome is a real jerk! In this episode, we share our own experiences with imposter syndrome (we have many!) and discuss how to support not only ourselves when we feel this way, but our colleagues and even bosses, too.
Key Takeaways:
- Imposter syndrome has impacted us all at various times in our lives -- starting a new job/gig, releasing the DBAJAW podcast for the first time, going back to school, writing a book, to name only a few.
- The doubt we feel almost always comes from ourselves! It takes work to push through this discomfort -- it’s okay to be uncomfortable.
- Another jerky behaviour of imposter syndrome is that it rarely self-isolates and it tends to spill over into other parts of our lives, making us feel like we are inadequate in those areas too. Remember to ask your trusted people for support in these times.
A few episodes ago we conversed about emotional intelligence and how developing a high EQ may help us to reduce some jerky behaviours. Continuing on that thread, this week, we are talking about paying attention and noticing the people and work being done around us. If we intentionally tune in, do we notice things differently? If we want to be better workplace humans, what are the things we need to be noticing?
Key Takeaways:
- Three questions to ask ourselves:
-
- How do I want to show up today?
- How did I show up today?
- How do I know? (Did I leave the impression I thought I did??)
- Reflect back on some feedback you’ve received; take stock and identify what might be areas for you to focus on for professional development. It might even be something you are already good at and you can get even better at!
- Make sure we don’t only notice the negative stuff. Make an effort to notice the good work people are doing, too!
We talk all the time about the importance of NOT being a jerk at work and yet when we look around, there are so many examples of successful jerks out there. How does this happen? In this episode, we talk about the correlation between success and jerky behaviours, the sustainability of that success, and whether or not being the big boss gives you permission to be a bit of a jerk sometimes. (Hint: it doesn’t!)
Key Takeaways:
- Speak to people with the same amount of respect, regardless of their level of experience or position in the organization.
- Business can be business and require some really tough decisions...and you still don’t have to be a jerk! At the same time, just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean they are a jerk. Lack of likeability does not equal a jerk!
- Watch out that you don’t mis-label succinct and efficient behaviours as jerky. Maybe y’all simply have different values.
Phrases like, “we learn from our mistakes,” and “fail fast, fail often” imply that there is no shame in making a mistake. Is that really true? Or are we mistaken? While we are surrounded by learning opportunities every day, we’re not sure that all mistakes are treated equally. On today’s episode, we talk about the reality of making mistakes at work.
Key Takeaways:
- There is a difference between good faith mistakes vs bad faith mistakes. Good faith mistakes, generally, don’t destroy trust.
- Making responsible mistakes is inevitable when we try and get away from perfection paralysis! This is the same when we are growing in our careers and trying things for the first time.
- If we say we are encouraging and forgiving of learning mistakes made by others, are we as forgiving with ourselves when we make a mistake?
Though definitions vary, Emotional Intelligence, or EQ generally refers to the capacity of a person to be aware and in control of their emotions as well as their ability to handle their interpersonal relationships with empathy and sensitivity. Could developing high EQ be the antidote to fighting your inner jerk??
Hmmmmm, let’s discuss.
Key Takeaways:
- Using our EQ can help us from leaping from emotion to emotion, and allow us to slow down, open our brains, and get curious.
- Overusing EQ can go sideways! You can lose your boundaries, take on other peoples’ problems too much, and, exhaustingly and irritatingly, always try to be the hero.
- Rather than treating others how we know we’d like to be treated, put in the effort to learn what respectful treatment looks like, and fee
Many companies have a tradition of creating funny videos, skits, or events as part of their corporate fun. Earlier this year, Manulife Financial issued a public apology for what they are calling a, “spoof rap video that was part of the executive team’s year-end message.” (Link below) This was an internal video that was retracted after some employees said that they were offended by it.
This got us thinking, and talking, obviously -- what do you do when activities and programs at work, even when well-intended, are called out as offensive?
https://business.financialpost.com/news/fp-street/manulife-ceo-apologizes-for-an-executive-spoof-rap-video-some-employees-found-offensive
Key Takeaways:
- Just because only 10% of the organization feels offended, doesn’t mean that it’s okay. This isn’t a “majority rules” kind of situation.
- Lead with curiosity! If you are organizing company activities and someone tells you they are offended, ask for more info. You may have had the best of intentions and you still missed the mark.
- Check your eye roll! Sure, in some cases, you may feel super frustrated that someone tells you they are offended...but be aware of your own reactions and try to be honest with yourself about where they come from.
We all have that little voice that tells us we could screw up, get hurt, look stupid, fail. Sometimes it's a whisper, sometimes it's using a megaphone. It's fear, and it's a jerk. In this episode, we talk about how it shows up for us, and what you can do to get it to shut the heck up!
Key Takeaways:
- That fear voice can be very smart and can camouflage itself with logic. Watch out for it trying to "protect" you!
- Fear can supply ALL sorts of reasons to avoid hard conversations. And while that may feel like a relief in the moment, it's not helpful in the end...to ourselves or to the persons we really should be speaking with.
- Why doesn't fear hold more people back from karaoke?? We (two of us, anyway) wish it did. Kidding! (Sort of.)
At the start of 2019, we each identified a word that we would use to guide us, inspire us, and remind us of how we wanted to move through the year. We’ve done that again for 2020 and we are ready to announce our words and share them with our DBAJAW community. Have you picked a word for 2020?
How do we navigate friendships at work? Does it make a difference if you were already friends rather than if you have become new friends at work? What if there is one friend who reports into another or you simply aren’t on the same position level? We think it does make a difference! So much to discuss about friends in the workplace. And if you are an HR professional, that adds a whole other consideration into the mix! Sheesh, so complicated!
Key Takeaways:
- Friends, or not, when you are at work, keep it professional, people!
- As always, be mindful of and consistent with your boundaries. You can be authentically friendly at work and still keep those relationships confined to the workplace.
- If there is a reporting dynamic, be extra conscientious of the friend zone, and the perception your co-workers may have of the situation. Perceptions matter! Even if we wish they didn’t.
Is the practice of paying your dues long OVERDUE for a change?? A common belief that we all grew up with was that to get ahead, you’d have to pay your dues. That generally meant working long hours, enduring crappy jobs, and generally saying yes to everything. In this episode, we talk about today’s work environments and how this expression may be outdated, even if the essence of it still has value.
Key Takeaways:
- It sounds outdated and implies that you owe something to your employer in an already power imbalanced relationship.
- Let’s reframe the meaning of the expression -- paying your dues is about showing people, not telling people what you are capable of.
- Before grumbling about how lame it is to pay your dues, think about what your goal is and whether this work is going to help you achieve it...WITHOUT compromising your ethics!
Happy New Year! We are back. While we hope 2020 is a great year for YOU, in this episode, we talk about how employee entitlement shows up at work and what can happen when we behave in a way that comes across as, “It’s all about me!” We discuss where the attitude comes from, what to do if someone on your team shows these tendencies, and how to recognize if you may be showing up as entitled. Key takeaways: * Ego is a common driver of the entitlement attitude - when we compare ourselves to others versus focusing on the goals of our roles and the objectives of the company. * Be curious - try to understand where the other person (the entitled one!) is coming from. Don’t take it personally! And be curious with yourself - why is this bugging you? * Watch out if you take the avocados away! That will bite you in the ass.
(When the perk is no longer a perk because it has become expected.
At the start of 2019, we each picked a word for the year that we believed would be meaningful for us and would be our guide as we traveled through 2019. Now, here we are, about to wrap up the last of the teen years of the 21st century. We look back and consider how our words served us these last 12 months.
Happy New Year! We look forward to sharing more conversations with you in 2020!
It’s that time of year when Christmas shows up at the workplace. If you like Christmas, it means this could be a real high point of the year! If you don’t have any interest in Christmas, it could mean you are considered a Christmas jerk...a grinch. In this minisode, we talk about how to be true to yourself during the holiday season and not be a jerk at work...even if you really prefer to say, “Bah, humbug!”
Key Takeaways:
- If you aren’t keen to go to the company holiday party, and you think you may be expected to be there, rather than simply no-showing, talk to your boss beforehand.
- Why would you ever want to crash your former company’s Christmas party??? Just don’t.
- It’s also just a really good guideline to NEVER GIVE LINGERIE OR A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO A LINGERIE SHOP as a Secret Santa gift. You’re welcome.
Do you ever notice how some colleagues leave you feeling energized while others suck the life right out of you? If you find yourself feeling drained after interactions with certain people, you may be in the unfortunate situation of working with an energy vampire. Don’t worry! We’re here to help. In this episode, we talk about how to cope with these workplace Dementors and how to recognize if you may be sucking the life out of your co-workers, too! After listening, watch The Lost Boys, just because it’s a classic. And it’s bloody awesome. ;)
Key Takeaways:
- Not all energy vampires are the same! There are different varieties, including drama-filled, ego-driven and dependent.
- With the drama-filled vampires, it can start out energizing and even entertaining...don’t be fooled! They’re still gonna get you in the end.
- It can be tricky with the dependent energy vampires because it’s easy to default to the fastest solution and simply answer all of their questions. Feels good to help them, until it doesn’t. It’s exhausting! And they’ll keep asking you, and asking you…
If transparency and authenticity are key to being a great leader, what do you do when you are asked a tough question you don't feel you can or are even allowed to answer? In this episode, we discuss various situations that may arise at work when you simply don’t know how to, or if you even could, or should, respond.
Key Takeaways:
- There IS such a thing as too much transparency. Sometimes, there are details that are yours to carry. It may feel like a burden. As a leader, those burdens are yours.
- Say something, even if it is nothing. If you make a commitment to communicating, especially in a given timeframe, follow through. The update may simply be...no news yet!
- Sandy wins with the usage of the word “performative!” Take note of context/audience. How you deliver info, and what exact information you deliver, may vary depending on with whom you are talking.
What is it about crying at work that is soooo uncomfortable? It seems like being authentic and vulnerable is desirable, and yet, if tears are part of exuding authenticity and vulnerability, it is a completely different situation. Some words that get associated with crying at work are: hysterical, out of control, weak, womanly, unhinged, incapable, etc.
In this episode, we discuss when someone cries at work, whether it is your team member, a colleague, your boss, or yourself , and how to be IN the moment and NOT be a jerk in that moment.
Key Takeaways:
- Tears can be the result of a broad array of emotions. It’s not always sadness that brings on the tears. Try not to assume you know exactly what is happening for that person.
- You don’t have to take on the role of getting the person to stop crying. It’s okay to sit with someone who cries and simply offer them a tissue. When talking with someone who is crying, try to still listen to that person and not get completely distracted by the tears.
- If you are someone who feels really uncomfortable witnessing tears at work, and or associates any of those words mentioned above with crying, please check in with yourself and assess what is causing that response in you.
Well, we thought we had a lot to say in the first three parts of this series. In part 4, we really go to town. To really do awesome in an interview, it takes work! From preparation with online research about the company to getting to the interview ON TIME to leaving the interview feeling like you nailed it, you got to do the work. We shared many laughs recording this one, and we are pretty confident we are giving you some great pro tips, too. Enjoy!
Key Takeaways:
- Just like we said in the previous episode, remember to listen, really LISTEN to the questions you are being asked. Wait for the interviewer to finish speaking before you start answering the question. There is no need to rush! It’s okay to take a few seconds to think before you open your mouth.
- When the interview is coming to an end and you are asked if you have any questions for the interviewers, have questions ready! One of the fastest ways to leave a poor last impression is to say you don’t have any questions. That said, make them good ones.
- Don’t pee in the parking lot before an interview. Especially if the parking lot is in sight of the building where you are hoping to get a job. This is both gross and unnecessary. Come on, people.
Between the three of us, we have done a LOT of interviews. Some of our most memorable experiences come from our recruiting experience and the candidate interviews we’ve conducted along the way. It takes effort to be a good interviewer! And it is easy to be a jerky interviewer, without even meaning to be a jerk. In this episode, we provide some practical tips to help you avoid being a jerk to candidates.
Key Takeaways:
- The best interviewers lead an interview in a way that brings out the best in a candidate. Who does it serve to try and sink them?? Then you’ll just have to keep interviewing more candidates!
- Prepare in advance and have your questions ready. Take the time to think about why you would ask particular questions - don’t simply ask them because you think they are standard and expected. And then, once you’ve asked the question, listen. Really LISTEN to the candidate’s answers. Who knows what kind of conversation you could have?
- Check your bias! Sarah suggests giving Project Implicit a try. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/
In part 2 of our 4-part series (Apply Yourself, Dammit!), we share our insider’s perspective on how to make your resume stand out and we answer that age-old question, “Do I really need to write a cover letter?”
Key Takeaways:
- You have SIX seconds to make an impression with your resume so make it readable, be clear and succinct, know your story and what will set you apart from the pack, only include what is relevant, and 2 pages max people!
- Yes, you need a cover letter! If you are asked for one, that is basic instruction following. In addition, your cover letter is the partner document to your resume (i.e., do not regurgitate your resume); it gives you the opportunity to showcase who you are and how you will contribute to the organization. Tip: starting your cover letter with “Dear Sirs” is a guaranteed way to ensure that no one will read your letter.
- Being a professional is learning to adapt your communication style for different situations. Always think about your audience and if you make the effort to customize your cover letter (which you should), make sure you get it right!
- Gimmicks are risky business. Sometimes they work though. Just ask Tara!
It’s finally time! With all of us having done a lot of past work in recruitment, we definitely wanted to cover some getting-a-job-related topics. Oh, do we have some experiences to share. In part 1 of our 4 -part series, we talk about networking, self-promotion, your online presence, and, of course, alllll the effort that goes into it. Phew!
Key Takeaways:
- It’s called netWORKING, people! You gotta worrrrk. Before you even start putting yourself OUT there, take time to prepare and do the INward looking so you know your message and you can be as confident as possible.
- The long game is worth it! Networking events may not lead to anything immediately and it can be hard to see the value. Sometimes it might be months, or years, before a networking relationship can show results!
- Be conscientious - if you have the opportunity to chat with some accomplished people, don’t monopolize their time. Pay attention and watch for social cues to skedaddle. Last thing you want is to come across as an inadvertent jerk! You can always follow up by sending them a note in the next few days.
Many of us are familiar with company values (you’ve seen them on your corporate website, marketing materials, or maybe you know them off by heart) but few of us think about our personal values and how they show up for us at work. In this episode, we talk about our core values, how they influence who we are at work, how they affect how we interpret situations, and what you can do if someone rubs up against your core values.
Key Takeaways
- Values are valuable! Be true to yours and you can still learn about others.
- Values anchor us and act as guide posts; they help with decision making…what you want to move toward and what you want to move away from.
How you leave a company can make just as much of an impression, if not an even bigger one, as how you arrive. In this episode, we reminisce about some memorable departures (there are some good ones!) as well as share some of our insights on how to communicate your departure once you’ve (finally) made the decision to quit a job.
Key Takeaways
- Whenever possible, leave your team and department in a better state than how you found it! (Yes, the same tip applied to the workplace toilets!)
- There is a thing as too much notice.
- Before telling your boss to take a flying f*ck at a rolling donut, ask yourself, “Is this the legacy I really want to leave?” (What a great expression though!!)
In this episode, we are confidently speaking about...confidence! Is there a way to believe in yourself, exude confidence and also not be a jerk? We think so, and we’re full of ideas on how to do just that. Key takeaways: * There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence = good. Arrogance = bad. * Both overconfidence AND underconfidence can lead to jerky behaviour. * Just because someone is young and doesn’t have a ton of experience, they can still be confident! Rather than thinking, “How dare??”, be inspired by them.
We make decisions every day, all day. At work, how do we make tough decisions, and not be a jerk even when it may not be a popular decision? When is it suitable to rely on consensus, majority or dictating the decision yourself? This week, we share our experiences with these challenging situations and talk about some approaches that may make them a bit less complex.
Key Takeaways:
- Be aware of the difference between people liking you and respecting your decision.
- Think about the scope of the decision before you decide to invite the whole company, or several people, anyway, to participate in making a decision.
- Trust your expert teammates! If you aren’t the expert in an area that you need to make a decision, collaborate with the person who is. (Yes, we know that sort of conflicts with the previous takeaway!)
To gift or not to gift? That is the question the ladies disagree about, I mean, discuss in this week’s episode of Don’t Be A Jerk At Work. And oooooooohhhh, the drama of it all. It’s absolutely Shakespearean!
Key Takeaways:
- It’s okay not to participate in office gift giving!
- It’s okay to participate in office gift giving!
- Most importantly, try not to bow to the pressure - do what feels right for you and just don’t be a jerk about it.
Authenticity, vulnerability, accessibility, connectivity, all the ‘ity’s’! Showing up at work with these traits can definitely lead to a more engaged work culture. However, is there a line? If so, where is it? And, how does being authentic intersect with being a jerk? Or, hopefully, not being a jerk? In this episode, we ask ourselves these questions and more about what it means to show up “as yourself” in the workplace. Oh, and we dig into crying at work, too!
Key Takeaways:
- If you want to see more authenticity and vulnerability at work, you’ve got to model that behaviour yourself.
- Pay attention to who’s in the room when you are sharing and note their responses (verbal and body language). AKA know your audience.
- No sex talk at work. Ever.
What makes an effective meeting? Are there actually meetings you can’t wait to attend? It seems like we believe a good meeting is hard to find. And to host! Whether it’s a gathering of 3, or a gathering of 13 or 30, we share some tips on how to prepare, facilitate and follow up in order to get the most out of meetings. Oh, and of course we discuss how to handle jerks at meetings.
Key Takeaways:
- Agendas are our friends.
- The whole company doesn’t need to come to every meeting...unless every meeting is an all-staff event!
- Eating a tuna fish sandwich during a meeting can be very controversial.
After last week's toilet episode, we thought we'd keep the personal space conversation going. This time, we're talking about the pros and cons of open floor plans in the workplace. How does boundary setting work when the vast majority of people are rubbing elbows side by side on the floor? How do people be authentic when some people are naturally boisterous and others like library-level quiet?
Key Takeaways:
- Before asking someone for a 5-minute convo at work, check the time! Are they just arriving and need time to settle in? Are they about to leave?
- Before jumping into a convo happening near you, wait...were you just eavesdropping?
- Sandy doesn't like open office workspaces!
We’re back! Like we started our first season, we thought it would be a good way to kick things off by discussing etiquette at work...this time, in the bathroom. Honestly, we really didn’t expect to have so much to say on this topic. And yet, we sure did. From hand washing (or lack of!) to toilet seat position to the classic pee everywhere situation, we discuss that the work toilets, just like everywhere else, need to be a jerk-free zone. Have a listen and we’ll help you to not flush your career down the drain.
Key Takeaways:
- Wear shoes in the bathroom!
- Remember not everyone is up for a bathroom conversation.
- Leave it in better shape than how you found it, like you are trying to impress someone you like. Fancy.
In part 3 of, “My Boss is A Jerk,” we wrap up our discussion about typical boss archetypes and behaviour patterns and talk about the best ways to communicate with these boss types. On this episode, we talk about, “The Non-Scalable Boss,” “The Political Boss,” and “The Insecure Boss.”
This episode is a continuation of last week’s discussion on boss archetypes and behaviour patterns. On this episode, we talk about, “The Micromanaging Boss,” “The Moody Boss,” and “The Reluctant Boss.”
There are all kinds of bosses out there. Some are good, some are bad, and most are somewhere in between (a work in progress). There are so many different boss types out there that we’ve turned this topic into a 3-parter! For episodes 18, 19, and 20, we talk about common boss archetypes, ways to communicate with said boss, how we might be enabling certain behaviour patterns, and what you can do if you recognize these patterns of behaviours in yourself. On this episode, we talk about, “The Busy Boss,” and “The Inner Circle Boss.”
This episode was inspired by a Harvard Business Review article titled, “Stop Complaining About Your Colleagues Behind Their Backs.” The premise of the article is that most people engage in workplace gossip without realizing that it is gossip. As well, conversations with seemingly innocent intentions like confirming performance behaviour or venting can also turn into gossip. On this episode, we talk about gossip in the workplace, why it happens, the impact it has on organizations and teams, and how to engage in more productive and effective conversations with your colleagues.
Key Takeaways:
- Ask yourself, “Why are you talking about this person in the first place and why did you choose to do so with this person in particular?”
- Pay attention to how a conversation makes you feel; if you’re getting an icky feeling, it’s probably not a useful conversation
- If you are going to expend the energy to gossip, you might want to consider using that energy to figure out a more effective way to let someone know how you are feeling, ask a question, or fill in the blanks
The idea of workplace culture has been buzzy for a while now and it’s very common for employees to list "a positive company culture" as the number one requirement for their workplace. On this episode, we talk about impact that a company’s culture can have on how people feel about their workplace, how company culture is shaped and evolves, and what you can do if you don’t feel aligned with your company’s culture.
Key Takeaways:
- Leadership defines and frames a company’s culture. We ALL create culture every day.
- How culture is perceived is completely relative; it’s not about a good or bad culture but what is healthier/unhealthier for you at any given time in your working life.
- Be clear and intentional about what you are looking for. Check for behaviours as well as stated values.
- Determine how much weight you are putting on the importance of fit and how much weight you are putting on the other factors that are important to you.
This episode was inspired by one of our listeners. Jake’s questions are: How do you manage jerk behavior that is intended to be humorous? How does intended bonding turn into harm? We love these questions and they got us thinking about all of those actions and behaviours that we see as well-intentioned but that others see as jerky. On this episode, we explore the impact of off-handed remarks and observational comments, ways to react/respond if you are on the receiving end of said comment, and ways to improve our own self-awareness around what we say and do.
Key Takeaways:
- Stop for a moment and think about how what you’re about to say or do may impact the other person; approach every interaction from a place of empathy
- If you’re on the receiving end of a comment, breathe and get some space before responding
- If someone lets you know that you’ve been an “inadvertent jerk,” own it, thank them for letting you know, and seek to understand
- Intention doesn’t mitigate impact
- We reference and recommend:
- “Difficult Conversation: How to Discuss What Matters Most,” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
- Fierce Conversations
- “Leadership and Self-Deception; Getting Out of the Box,” by Arbinger Institute
One of biggest influences on how we act and behave is our stress level (real or perceived). On this episode, we talk about stress and work…how it presents in you and in others, how it impacts your work, and ways to manage it so that it doesn’t lead you to becoming a jerk at work.
Key Takeaways:
- Don’t be afraid to have a conversation about stress; approach it with curiosity and consider the lens through which you are seeing the situation, your mood, where the other person is at, and timing
- Figuring out how stress presents in you is an important part of learning how to manage it
- There is an optimal level of stress; be able to differentiate between “growth” stress and “soul-sucking” stress
- Don’t be a jerk to yourself!
This is our first episode topic suggested by a few different listeners. They asked: How do you navigate a new romantic relationship between two existing employees?
In this episode, we talk about some of the things you should think about if you are dating someone at work or are considering dating someone at work, provide tips for keeping it professional, and share how to navigate a romantic relationship at work if you are the boss and someone has just disclosed to you that they are dating a co-worker.
Key Takeaways:
- Office relationships will happen. And, they can work.
- Work is work so keep it professional. You are two independent people at work; not one unit.
- Take a moment and really consider if it is worth it to engage in a romantic relationship at work.
Don’t have sex at work. Ever.
In this episode, we explore the concept of career paths (how we move up, how we move sideways, and how we move out), the importance of coaching conversations, and the work that is required on your part if you want to make some changes in your career.
Key Takeaways:
- Finding a career is more than a path laid out for you. It requires work, thought, and effort on your part.
- Personal development is your own responsibility. Don’t be lazy about it.
- Figure out what you value and know that it will change over time.
- Motivation is internal; it drives you from your core. Someone may motivate you in the moment but you are ultimately responsible for figuring out what motivates you.
- Dream big. If you want to be a French speaking obstetrician, go out and do that! Or HR. They are pretty much the same (you’ll need to listen for this to make sense).
What are you wearing to work tomorrow? Do you have body art? Piercings? Colourful hair? Does any of this matter in your workplace? Should any of this matter in your workplace? In this episode, we explore why we make the clothing choices that we make, how your appearance is a form of non-verbal communication, and whether or not how you show up to work matters.
On our episodes to date, we’ve talked about many frustrating and jerky behaviours that we’ve experienced and observed over the years as well as ways to not be a jerk at work. On today’s episode, we flip the switch on our learning approach and talk about the things (big and little) that we and others do at work that make work life that much better.
Key Takeaways:
- Say thank you. And say it often.
- Really take the time to make someone feel seen and heard.
- Show up authentically and be the value that you want to see.
- Take time (daily, monthly, annually) to reflect on the people who have inspired, guided, and influenced how you work and show up to work. And let them know.
- Think about what gestures you do and can continue to do (big and small) that lift up and inspire others.
- Just walking the talk can inspire people. You never know what impact you could be leaving right now or who is looking to you for inspiration.
A huge shout out to Wendy Williams Watt and Big Love Ball for inviting us to record this special episode in their space. Wendy created this interactive art movement as an invitation to connect and to spread the message of inclusion and compassion. Thanks Wendy and Madison!
It’s a new year and for many (including us), it’s a time for reflection and goal setting. In our first ever minisode, we each talk about our “word for the year”; the word that represents how we will thrive in 2019. What’s your word for the year? What energizes you? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at info@dontbeajerkatwork.ca. Happy 2019!
Losing your job, especially for the first time, is one of the most stressful life events a person can go through. In this episode, we share our termination stories and talk about how you can move forward from something like this with dignity. We hope that should you ever find yourself in this situation, this episode will give you some new insight that will make this change a little easier to deal with.
Feel like you need a change of scenery? Tired of your current role? Annoyed by your boss? Maybe it’s time to consider a job change. For some, the idea of changing jobs is super exciting but for most, it’s pretty overwhelming. And, it’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of work to get the new job and it’s a lot of work to settle into a new job. On this episode, we talk about what you may want to consider if you’re thinking of changing jobs and how to feel okay about whatever decision you ultimately come to.
Key Takeaways:
- While there is no optimal length of time to stay in a job, it’s a good idea to do a self-check and evaluate your job situation every year.
- The reasons why you stay in a job are likely to change over time. And, that’s okay.
- Sometimes YOU are the only obstacle in the way of changing jobs.
- Action triggers things. Sometimes it takes a move to make a bigger move.
- Tara references the podcast, “Show Your Work,” with Duana and Lainey. We listen to this podcast…a lot! They make a great point about how it is sometimes necessary to make a move to level up. Making a move can shift how people see you and how you see yourself.
Are you a new manager (aka the boss)? Considering applying for a manager role? In this episode, we discuss the questions you should ask yourself before deciding if this is for you and we talk about some of the challenges you may face when making the move into a boss role. Through our stories, we hope to help you figure out if this is for you and if it is, how to make the move as smooth as possible.
Key Takeaways:
- Know that being the boss will involve “HR” work. You need to be okay with that.
- If you are moving into a boss role in the same organization, your relationships will change. They won’t be better or worse, just different.
- Be prepared to learn! Sarah references and recommends the book, “The First 90 Days,” by Michael D. Watkins. Check it out if you are a new leader.
- Feeling like you don’t “DO” anything anymore is completely normal
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
It's December and for a lot of people, that means an office holiday party to look forward to. Or not.
In this episode, we get into the good, the bad, and the ugly of the office holiday party. We share real life examples of office party jerks and we give you our top tips & takeaways to avoid being "that" person at your office holiday party (and any other office function).
Hint: it is not okay to kick your CEO in the butt while he is standing at a urinal.
metoo and #timesup have empowered people to share their experiences and situations and have amplified the need for employers to examine their workplaces to ensure that they are fair and respectful. In this episode, we share stories of workplace misconduct that we’ve come across, common reactions, and what you can do if you experience it or see it. We also talk about what you can do if you think you may have done something that could be perceived as bullying or harassment. This episode will be of interest to anyone who works with other people regardless of your role in the company.
Key Takeaways:
- If you are made to feel uncomfortable, don’t do nothing. Do something.
- There is a wide spectrum of behaviours that can be considered inappropriate. Navigating language and behaviours that historically may have been acceptable or funny can be hard.
- Don’t overthink your behaviour. Show up as a decent human being.
Notes:
**The title of this episode is a nod to La Donna who shares her story on the podcast, This American Life: https://www.thisamericanlife.org647/ladonna
**The ladies have a lot to say on this topic and use some colourful language in this episode.
Have you ever avoided a tough conversation at work? Although we don’t have a magic solution or an online form that will solve your problem for you (yes, we’ve been asked for those!), there are ways to have tough conversations without coming across as a jerk. This episode is all about the importance of having those tough conversations, as hard as they may seem. We discuss tough topics for managers and employees, common reasons why people avoid having tough conversations, and how you can begin building your confidence and get better at it. In this episode, Tara refers to the program, “Fierce Conversations,” which is all about the importance of having effective conversations. Tough conversations are hard but with courage and practice, they will get easier!
This episode is for managers (new and experienced) who may be faced with a difficult workplace situation. It’s also a great listen for employees who may want to bring up a tough topic or who want to gain some insight into their manager’s perspective.
Consider this: every time you say ‘yes’ to something, what are you saying ‘no’ to? Why is saying ‘no’ so hard for some of us? How can you say no without coming across as a jerk, feeling guilty, disappointing someone, or all of the above? This week is all about the importance of setting boundaries and how knowing what is important to you directly impacts your personal and professional development. We share personal examples of things we struggle to say ‘no’ to, but we also talk about what you should consider saying ‘yes’ to. In this episode, we reference, “Lean In,” by Sheryl Sandberg and, “Year of Yes,” by Shonda Rhimes; two powerful reminders of reason to say ‘yes’ and knowing your boundaries.
This podcast will be of interest to anyone new in their career as well as anyone looking to move into a more senior or management role.
Have you ever felt like your co-worker needed a lesson in adulting? When it comes to kitchen etiquette, respect for people’s time, and personal hygiene, shouldn’t we all just knowbetter by now? In this episode, we talk about relatable, annoying, and jerky behaviours that we’d love to see eradicated from our workplaces. We explore some classic examples as well as how managers can and should handle them (without acting like jerks, themselves).
This episode is for anyone who works with other people (hopefully you’re not that jerk at work) as well as anyone who manages people.