The No Should Sisterhood: Recent Episodes
Rachel Brimer
Where we break SHOULD down and shift from shame to serenity. Your big sister, Rachel, teaches you to tame the bossy voice in your head and leaves you feeling lighter. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support
Welcome to another mini episode in which I honor a part of myself rarely given a voice on our podcast. She is the version of Rachel who is a French teacher and French philosophy geek. While I don't know your life, I’m guessing it's unlikely that you're going to read many French philosophers for fun right now. So, I'm going to share some French quotes from history or literature that I have enjoyed reading through the years. This way I can show you another part of myself and share some delightful nuggets of extra fancy wisdom. Everything sounds fancier in French n’est pas? And for fun, I’ll read each one aloud in the original French before the English. This quote is timely and as a fun bonus has great news about my upcoming travel to France! More info can be found here.
Here it is: Paris vaut bien une messe
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Today's should is: I should pick up where I left off. There's a resistance to that idea in my heart because I always want to keep moving forward or at least uphold the illusion that I am. But what's true is --If we're honest-- we always have to pick up where we left off because in order to continue wholeheartedly in a way where are you are present to the reality of your life, (which is what I'm aiming for) you must pick up wherever you left yourself. I've been finding that there are Pieces of Me --essential fragments-- left in various unfinished Corners, locations, habits, friendships and the only way to be the woman that I want to be is to go and take those fragments and gently scoop them up and then to pick up from there and walk forward.
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Now that things are opening back up with Covid-19 vaccines being distributed widely, it is time to travel again? I am certainly looking forward to it. But the quote I share today is about a different sort of travel. One that we all can do from the comfort of our own homes if we are willing. Curious? Listen in to this SHORT episode where I share my 2nd favorite French quote with you and talk about what it means to discover new lands without leaving town. I share how some major shifts have happened as a result of multiple kinds of travel in my personal experience. Specifically shifts on topics like racism, abortion, and colonialism, ya know, just to keep it nice and light...
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We're going to talk today about how change is good change is hard and being ready for it is much easier said than done. In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? And this episode will talk about big change like systems of Oppression in society as well as medium change like how you treat your spouse when you're grumpy or small change like how not to make such a big mess when you're making your lunch. We'll also talk about the changes in our country as more people are vaccinated and hints of normalcy are sneaking into our day-to-day lives. Our family is in a large upheaval type of change right now and I haven't handled it as graciously as one might have hoped. I'm going to share some personal stories containing less than glowing accounts of my behavior as I adjusted to change over these past several days. Change is hard and when you're changing you have less routine to lean into, less margin, less of the things you're feeling sure about and that gives you a faster response time to complain speak up about things you don't like. I will admit that I offered less benefit of the doubt in recent days. Please listen in and I hope you find something relatable that will boost your Serenity levels.
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Welcome to our first mini-episode (It's less than 7 minutes long!!!!) in which I honor a part of myself rarely given a voice on our podcast. She is the version of Rachel who is a French teacher and French Philosophy Geek. I don't know your life but I’m taking a gamble that it could be unlikely that you're going to read many French philosophers for fun right now. So, during mini-episodes, I will share quotes from some of the French writers that I have enjoyed reading through the years. This way I can show you another part of myself and share some delightful nuggets of extra fancy wisdom. Everything sounds fancier in French n’est pas? And for fun, I’ll read each one aloud in the original French before the English. This first quote was an easy pick. It is possibly my all-time favorite quote.
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Today’s “should” is I SHOULD BE OKAY with not being okay. especially now but maybe always I think practicing extreme or radical form of gentleness and kindness ...if that even makes any sense... is really what's called for. the title okay not to be okay resonates with me because our society tells us that it isn't. but what if this has been the worst year ever and we're not okay. we're not fine. We're not good or great or even so so? '\_(_)_/' In this episode I remind you that we are all humans raised by humans and that it is expected that we would act as such.
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This episode is super practical and can be applied to your life this very week to raise your Serenity levels.
In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? Today’s “should” is I should have made dinner for tonight. (ooops!)
How do you feel when someone serves you a meal? This is where the phrase “we are the ones we are waiting for” really applies. And also, "Be your own hero." During the time of quarantine, we have not been served meals as frequently as we are used to. If we are middle-class mamas, then we are often the servers and not the serve-ees when it comes to meals. What if meal planning --as dull and quotidian as that may seem-- is actually one of the keys to unlocking Serenity, happiness, self-care, and self-respect. Could it be so? Listen and find out.
Quote: Small things, done in great love, bring joy and peace. – St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
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In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? Today’s “should” is I should speak the truth (but how?).
In this episode, I'm going to talk about the truth mantra of The Sisterhood itself. We hear different things about speaking the truth in love or speaking truth to power or the importance of telling the truth. We also hear about how truth is relevant or it can change based on your perspective or you could have a personal truth because of your point of view. Telling the truth sometimes feels like a lost art, doesn't it? When I read a news article even, I know that what's true to the writer or speaker (their version of the truth) is likely not untainted truth. It is typically mixed with a high dose of perspective and opinion. In this episode, we practice telling the truth to ourselves by dissecting the No Should Sisterhood Truth Mantra and diving deeper into how to get comfortable with the truth. I give you a script to use for how to speak the truth to yourself and to those you live with when you need to ask them for help. I tell you a hopeful story about the power of noticing which is just another way our bodies tell us the truth. I hope this episode helps you feel a little braver and helps you face the truth a bit more head-on. To be the authentic powerful women that we are for ourselves and our people, we need to be able to tell the truth and believe the truth about ourselves.
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Welcome sisters! Well, it is 2021, and I think we were all somehow hoping (at least I was) that when the clock struck midnight and Happy New Year was officially declared, this would be the year when it was like a cartoon movie where the page in the calendar is torn off and things suddenly become really different. But of course, that was not the case. For many reasons we all collectively were very ready for 2020 to be finished. So far, 2021 has not been great. In our everyday lives, it feels like more of the same. And on the grand scale with our current social unrest, it feels like more of the same but worse. I hope today’s episode will be a useful one. I decided to re-release my first episode. I just listened to it again and found it so relevant, (if I do say so myself) that I'm re-releasing it for you today. I think that you will find uplifting and helpful thoughts for your potential New Year's resolutions. You will also find that I was super new at podcasting. On episode 1 of my podcast, I talked about making and keeping New Year's resolutions. In one sense, I pooh-poohed them and said “you don't need no stinking New Year's resolutions.” You just need to resolve to change on any day that suits you and you don't need to follow other people's rules about when is the right day to change or resolve to do a thing differently in your life. This, I still COMPLETELY agree with. During this Global pandemic, I am thankful for rhythm and structure and ANY piece of a reliable schedule that wasn't completely thrown out the window due to Covid-19. I have adjusted my work and family schedule so many times this year. I can.not.even… So, this idea of following a natural rhythm of life and taking January, because it's the first month of the year, and setting the intention at the beginning of the new year is a rhythm that makes more sense to me than ever. As long as you remember that the beginning is always today and you can make a resolution or just grow as a person any and every day of the year. I still hold to all the things I said in my episode on new year’s resolutions. ...one of my favorite lines was “ choosing “Whatever” as your word of the year may not be the most effective strategy.” I found it ironic that in fact many of us DID need to choose that (or something similar) as our word of the year in order to survive. PLEASE! Remember to be so gentle with yourself this January. You have been through a lot this year and have likely received fewer smiles and hugs than ever before.
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Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I hope that our time together today makes you feel lighter.
I hope that you are finding a bit of the sisterhood that you long for here as you listen.
In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not, and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? Today’s “should” is
I should fit into these pants. I hope that you’ll join me in deciding to hold space for my (expanding) self and In Storytime today, you’ll hear my daughter’s hilarious perspective on why having a bigger backside could actually save a life! I will demonstrate for you the rebellious practice of self acceptance and self respect even in those times when I’m not feeling particularly proud of myself. Listening to this episode will be a gift of kindness to yourself so please settle in and enjoy it.
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Today’s “should” is: I should do something big. I hope that you’ll join me in deciding to do something small in order to do something big.
I think we all want to do great things, If we're honest. I know I do. I always used to have this feeling in my life that if I just figured out the SINGULAR big important thing that God sent me to this planet to do then I would have succeeded as a human.
You don’t need me to tell you that the year 2020 has been straight-up terrible. 1 out of 5 stars is a generous review. However, I am still here in the USA with most of my creature comforts and in my safe house without fear of going without much (except that toilet paper shortage brought on by hoarding). I have a story today about my most vulnerable and confused and out of control time in my life which were the weeks spent in Uganda during my foreign adoption.
There is a tangible step that you can take to get out of your Covid-19 quarantine funk. Especially if you find yourself dwelling on how much harder things are now. I promise you that being generous is the answer.
What can we do to combat the long-term effects of imperialism and colonialism that we personally benefit from right now in our society? I will give you a very practical answer. What you can do is give money, time, resources and Care directly to people who have less than you do.
I want to walk in truth. I want to avoid self-deception. I choose to resist society’s shouts of “buy-it-all-now.” I get to decide that I do not need more. My personal rebellion is to say no to excess. I choose to practice contentment. I choose a shame-free holiday season. I have the capacity to be generous in simple, cost-free acts of self love. I can spend time in great conversations with my loved ones whether here or there. I do not have to spend a lot of money on gifts in order to be good enough. I have enough and I am enough.
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You are listening to Episode 12 called: I should give myself some credit. Sisters, just a quick check-in this week. The cumulative effect of the year 2020 feels like its pressure is building exponentially. I keep picturing this year like walking inside one of those huge culvert pipes. It feels like I'm inside it walking in a direction but I can’t see my way to the light if I look forward and I’ve come too far for it to make sense to go back. Yet I have no way to know how far away the end of the pipe-tunnel really is. I instinctively want to run back to where I came from but for all I know, the end may be very near. The idea that the end is not in sight feels heavier than I believe that I have the capacity to bear. And yet, each day I get up and do at least the basics for myself and my family.
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This is our first MINI Episode in which I explain why you will want to sponsor this podcast. In each episode, we will examine a “should.”Today’s “should” is: I should help those less fortunate. I hope that after listening, you'll decide to do something small in order to do something big.
Sponsor this podcast to support a single mother of 5 in Uganda. She is a long time member of my Sisterhood and a dear friend. All money made from podcast support will be sent directly to her. I'm so excited to offer this small way to show big love to you, my dears. I hope that you will join me! Any questions on logistics? Please ask!
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In this episode, we talk about voting. As I have grown as a person, I'm learning to see the nuances everywhere. The sense of certainty that comes with only seeing in black and white or along good vs evil or red vs blue lines can feel safe. But I can't unlearn what I now know about the falseness of those dichotomies. I share my struggle and what helped me here. I was starting to feel physically unwell due to the stress it was causing me. It was keeping me from being a good human to my people, so I needed to confront it head-on and see what was making me feel this unsettled. I discovered or rather rediscovered that WHY you're doing something can be as important as WHAT it is that you're doing. This realization helped me exhale and re-engage. Today’s “should” is I should vote. In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not, and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? I'll take you on my journey from total cynicism to personal empowerment on the issue of voting. Now I know there are some of you who are sure of your voting plan and nothing could deter you from your position and nothing can stop you from getting to your closest voting booth. I'm happy that there are people like you in the world, truly. This episode may be more relatable for people like me who have had many things shift in their perspective and worldview. I can now see so many shades of gray in the world where I only used to see straight lines of black and white. Election season tries to convince us that in the end, it all comes down to Red or Blue. I'm not feeling particularly excited about most of the choices on my ballot. I won’t be duped into believing that one issue is all that really defines me. So what's a girl to do?
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Ready for Storytime? Sometimes our stories need a rewrite or some editing. I'll talk you through how to tell better stories about yourself and others on today's episode. In each episode we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? Today’s “should” is I should tell better stories. This phrase is from Osheta Moore’s Shalom Sistas Manifesto and this line feels so liberating to me. I explore this idea today and tell some great stories as well. It seems as if we could change every single thing if we could tell better/kinder/more empathetic/more fair/more honest stories. Kinda like how love bears believes and hopes all things as it never fails (I Cor 13:7) Let’s explore what it would be like together. There are several good stories in this episode and I hope you enjoy them.
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*You are listening to Episode 8 called: I should have a schedule. In each episode we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Doesn’t that sound good? Today’s “should” is I should have a schedule. We will talk about how having a schedule saved the lives of every person in my home this coronatime. This topic is very near to my heart on a week when I start back to in-person work without solidly knowing what my longterm childcare situation will be. We’re all in this together is anything but a cliche to me right now.
From our self talk today: It is my job to run my household. What I allow is how we will live. As an act of self-preservation, I will ask for and then require help from my family. I will work to set and then maintain clear boundaries and expectations. My time and sanity are valuable. I do best for my partner and children when I teach them independence and self-reliance. When I respect myself enough to communicate clearly, everyone benefits. As I model this behavior, I empower all those who I am privileged to influence.
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In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. SOUND GOOD? While it is likely that most of us could benefit from “enhancing our calm” Demolition Man style, it is unlikely that any of us is a zen master and most of us struggle with not letting things large or small get under our skin. Once we turn "being calm" into a comparison game and are nasty little "Shoulds" come in. That is when we are in trouble because it's not possible to feel calm while you're feeling guilty about how you should feel calmer and not being calm enough you start to spiral out and then you're left feeling anything but. So today we're going to learn the following 1. The 1 breathing technique that saved my daughter's life and my sanity 2. How meditation is not what you might think 3. How to build your calm muscles. I started this podcast to find my sisterhood and reconnect with my sisterhood who lives too far away to visit. Oh, What I would give to live in community with you all. Things get pretty lonely up here in the woods of Maine sometimes. Not many people around which is GREAT for slowing the spread of CV-19 but hard for sisterhood communes :) You are listening to Episode #7 called I should be calmer. This is vital right now with all the myriad ways we can be receiving external messaging that says you are not safe and things are not going to be ok any time soon. Finding calm does not come naturally to me but it is especially hard after 5 months of my life being shut down from the Coronavirus. I suspect the same is true for you as well. Believe it or not, I remember a time in my life that felt MUCH less calm and I will tell you a story about calming a caged animal. And as we always do, we’ll plant seeds of serenity to help you grow your pockets of serenity a little bit wider.
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Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I hope that our time together today makes you feel lighter.
In each episode we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not, and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Today’s “should” is = I Should Already Be Good at Everything (yes I realize how silly that sounds when said aloud but If you are like me, you expect this of yourself more often than you’d like to admit). Today we’ll examine the strange belief many of us hold that mistakes are not allowed. Mistakes are how your brain collects data in order to learn and adapt. Mistakes are an important part of learning. But since the results can be embarrassing, we usually try to avoid them. Sometimes even to the point of refusing to try anything new. And that's where we need to examine this should a little more deeply. So let's get started.
Somewhere in our past, we got the idea that we're not allowed to make mistakes. <--I'll unpack this in more detail.
In today's Self Talk we conclude that: My only option is to start from where I am with the skills I currently have and work from here. (full stop. Repeat that to yourself as needed) I will set reasonable goals and move forward in the direction of my dreams.
Today’s Serenity Seed: is give yourself credit. Do you want to grow pockets of serenity in your life? I know I do. There are seeds to use for this and I will share one each episode. Grab a sticky note!
full transcript is available here: https://thenoshouldsisterhood.wordpress.com/2020/07/28/episode-6-i-should-already-be-good-at-everything/
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
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Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I am glad we are spending a few minutes together today.
You are listening to Episode # 05 (called) I Should* be a go-getter.***
I started this podcast partly to silence the bossy voice in my head who spouts “shoulds” to me most days. I have had some success in turning her volume down. I have found pockets of serenity and I want more! You are invited to listen along with me as I search for serenity and break SHOULD down. In each episode we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not, and find a way towards more serenity in our lives.
Today’s “should” is = I should be a go-getter). I realized that this is linked to insecurity for me when I use doing "one more thing" in order to be good enough. I need to do things in order to feel like I am enough. In this episode, we talk about losing ourselves to gain the whole world, how we get mad at ourselves for not doing enough, and how to offer ourselves forgiveness. In our self-talk we learn to say that we are enough. So once again, WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood!
The transcript can be found here: https://thenoshouldsisterhood.wordpress.com/2020/07/21/episode-05-i-should-be-a-go-getter/
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support
Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I am glad that you are here. You are listening to Episode # 04 I Should be an activist. I started this podcast partly to visit with the girls of my sisterhood far and wide and partly to silence the bossy voice in my head who spouts “shoulds” to me most days. I have found pockets of serenity where she can’t boss me anymore and I want more! You are invited to come along with me as I swap shame for serenity and break SHOULD down. So, WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood! Today’s “should” is I should be an activist. This podcast is meant to be hope*filled and honest. This SHOULD is resonating with me for a reason. There is dissonance between where I am and where I want to be. I will choose now to sit with that. I own my part in why that remains true for me. I will let myself feel the disappointment. It will help me face the truth. I will control what I can control, which is myself and my responses. Any forward motion is positive. I resolve not to look at how far I have to go but rather at how far I have come. The transcript can always be found on our website: https://thenoshouldsisterhood.wordpress.com/2020/07/02/episode-4-i-should-become-an-activist/
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WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood!
I started this podcast partly to visit with the girls of my sisterhood far and wide and partly to silence the bossy voice in my head who spouts “shoulds” to me most days. I have found pockets of serenity where she can’t boss me anymore and I want more! You are invited to come along with me as I swap shame for serenity and break SHOULD down.
In each episode we will examine a “should” that may be trying to Boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Sound good?
I hope that listening to this Podcast will feel like a supportive phone call with the Big Sister we all wish we had. The kind who tells good stories, gives good advice and always has our best interest at heart. So once again, WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood!
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support
In each episode, we will examine a “should” that may be trying to boss us around. We’ll see what’s good, see what’s not, and find a way towards more serenity in our lives. Today’s “should” is = I should be more present. To me, this starts in my body. I want it to be more natural for me to be able to honestly say, “I am physically and mentally and spiritually present and showing up for this moment.” find the transcript at https://thenoshouldsisterhood.wordpress.com/2020/07/02/episode-3-i-should-be-more-present/
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support
Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I am grateful for this time to visit with you today. You are listening to Episode # 02 I Should Be Holding it All Together. I started this podcast partly to visit with the girls of my sisterhood far and wide and partly to silence the bossy voice in my head who spouts “shoulds” to me most days. I have found pockets of serenity where she can’t boss me anymore and I want more! You are invited to come along with me as I swap shame for serenity and break SHOULD down. So once again, WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood! Good for you for wanting to be responsible, honestly. Listen though, when we cross the line from “I want to be responsible and not being a lazy person” to “I'm the only one who can do this right. I'm the only one who's allowed to take care of this. No one can do this but me.” What does that become? You can answer that for your your own situation but I have a few thoughts. The full episode transcript can be found here at https://thenoshouldsisterhood.wordpress.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support
Welcome to the No Should Sisterhood where we break SHOULD down and Shift from Shame to Serenity. This is Rachel Anne Brimer. I’m happy that you are joining me on this 1st leg of the journey today.
You are listening to Episode # 01 (called) I Should Make New Year’s Resolutions.
Since this is our first podcast, I want to start by saying a heartfelt WELCOME! I’m honored to have you listening and learning along with me. I started this podcast partly to talk with my girlfriends far and wide who I truly consider my sisterhood and partly to silence the bossy voice in my head who spouts “shoulds” to me most days. “You should be like this. You should be better at this. You should have known better.” I have had some success in turning her volume down and have found the pockets of serenity this has provided have an addictive quality. Listen sister when I get a hit of serenity, I want more! You are invited to come along with me as I search for serenity and break SHOULD down. I hope that after listening to this Podcast you will feel as if you just hung up from a supportive phone call with a Big Sister. The kind of big sister we all wish we had. The kind who tells good stories, gives good advice and always has our best interest at heart. So once again, WELCOME to the NO Should Sisterhood!
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rachel-brimer/support