So You Wanna Be An Ally: Recent Episodes
Dr. Darlene Davis & Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah and Dr. Darlene Davis are business owners and best friends who are committed to dismantling barriers with their work. Olanike founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training, consulting, and coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching service for parents/caregivers, and she is committed to advocating for safe spaces that promote Black and Brown kids’ emotional and racial identity development. Wanna be an ally? Gather 'round, and listen up!
Today’s episode is continuing on the talks Black mothers have with their children to help them calculate their safety in different contexts. We would like to call you in as an ally raising little allies to have some critical conversations with your children to help them hold space more effectively for their Black peers.
The topics to discuss with your children include:
- Colorblindness - It does not help to teach your children not to see color. They do see color, now help them use their observations to recognize when someone is being treated differently because of their skin tone. This is a foundational conversation to have with young allies.
- See it. Hear it. Call it out. - If your child comes to you with an incident they witnessed at school, have the conversation with them about calling out when someone is being treated differently because of their skin color. Hold space for them to talk through what they observed.
- Allyship - Talk to your kids about how you want them to show up as a good friend, especially in the context of standing up for their Black friends when something’s not right.
- Impact is more important than intention - Teach your child to prioritize and center the person who’s been harmed and make it right instead of getting defensive about their intent.
Links mentioned:
- Black child forced to drink urine at a sleepover: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/black-middle-school-student-forced-drink-urine-bullying-incident-mother-n1259737
- Mellody Hobson - Color Blind or Color Brave? Ted Talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKtALHe3Y9Q
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah is the founder and CEO of Mosaic Consulting, an equity-informed, justice-driven, and humanity-centered consulting practice that facilitates transformation in the workplace. She works with leaders who are ready to drive workplace equity in strategic and sustainable ways that actually work!
Book a Call with Olanike
Email List
Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that Parenting is about PRACTICE not PERFECTION... "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
Website
Today’s episode is all about the infamous “talk” all Black mothers have with their children. While the talk begins at a young age about how to approach (or entirely avoid) interactions with authority figures such as police officers or security guards, as children grow up the talk evolves to help Black children calculate their safety in different social contexts.
Some of the key takeaways from this episode include:
- A part of the talk is teaching Black children to try to avoid interactions with law enforcement altogether, and the specifics of the talk depend on the child’s age, social contexts, or what’s happening in the news.
- Black mothers are constantly counteracting and correcting the anti-Black messaging their children are receiving in order to build their racial identity and confidence.
- Allies who are parents need to meet Black mothers at the intersection of building confidence in their kids (which all parents do for their children) and correcting and counteracting anti-Black messaging (which tends to fall on the shoulders of Black mothers, but everyone can help with this).
- Another part of the talk is teaching Black kids that non-Black kids have systemic help that they won’t have.
- The 5 main talks Black mothers are having with their children are about interacting with authority figures, navigating friendships, navigating romantic relationships, systems in place, and racial identity development.
Links mentioned:
- The killing of 16-year-old Ma’Khia Bryant: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Ma%27Khia_Bryant
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah is the founder and CEO of Mosaic Consulting, an equity-informed, justice-driven, and humanity-centered consulting practice that facilitates transformation in the workplace. She works with leaders who are ready to drive workplace equity in strategic and sustainable ways that actually work!
Book a Call with Olanike
Email List
Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that Parenting is about PRACTICE not PERFECTION... "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
Website
The question of the day is “What are the challenges Black mothers face while raising Black children?” In our Tools for Parenting series, we’ll explore how children’s racial identities are formed at a young age, and how young children of all races and ethnicities can internalize anti-Black and white dominant messaging. In this episode, we’re continuing our conversation from episode 7 and sharing what allyship looks like in kids and some key takeaways on how to teach your kids to be anti-racist.
Tell us your stories! What stories have your Black children shared with you about comments or incidents with other children? Did your child have friends that showed up as allies? Let us know at wannabeanally@gmail.com.
Key learnings from this episode:
- There are 4 Areas of Parenting: safety, security, structure, and support. The stories our kids tell us and the actions we observe tell parents of Black children whether their child is safe with certain individuals or in certain groups.
- Parents of Black children need to raise their children to advocate for themselves. In episode 7, we shared how they speak life into their children and help them develop and have confidence in their racial identities.
- Work with your kids by teaching empathy, education, and exposure. Teach your children that they can be empathetic and kind to others and still advocate for themselves.
- Get curious. When your kids ask about world events, explore the issue with your child and review all the facts together before you just give them your opinion. It teaches them better habits about getting curious and doing research before they form a judgement or get defensive.
- “Parenting is a practice, it is not perfection.” - Dr. Darlene Davis
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah is the founder and CEO of Mosaic Consulting, an equity-informed, justice-driven, and humanity-centered consulting practice that facilitates transformation in the workplace. She works with leaders who are ready to drive workplace equity in strategic and sustainable ways that actually work!
- Book a Call with Olanike
- Email List
- Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Dr. Darlene Davis is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that Parenting is about PRACTICE not PERFECTION... "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website
The question of the day is “What are the challenges Black mothers face while raising Black children?” In our Tools for Parenting series, we’ll explore how children’s racial identities are formed at a young age, and how young children of all races and ethnicities can internalize anti-Black and white dominant messaging. In this episode, we’ll also share some key takeaways on how to raise your children to advocate for themselves and be allies to Black children.
Episode Time Stamps
- 2:25 “The Balancing Act” - Parenting while Black
- 3:21 The 4 Areas of Parenting: safety, security, structure, and support, and what they mean to mothers of Black children
- 7:45 Individual vs. Institutional Levels of Parenting while Black
- 9:05 Training up young allies - it’s never too early!
- 9:26 Can kids be racist?
- 15:12 The “youth” phase of parenting Black children
- 16:20 Raising and unlearning things about race for Black children
- 18:00 Internalization of “preferred” non-Blackness - #RepresentationMatters
- 18:38 Generic Parenting = Exposure; Black Parenting = Above and Beyond
- 19:00 The Mamie & Kenneth Clark Doll Study
- 22:55 “The Big Lie” by Olanike Ayomide-Mensah on how whiteness was created | TedXCharlotte
- 24:25 When Children See or Don’t See Themselves Represented
- 25:10 Naming Whiteness as Black Moms and Allies
- 26:00 Anchoring Messaging in the Black Parenting Experience
- 26:49 Developmental Awareness of Blackness - Self-Worth - Centering My Child
- 27:33 Kids see themselves as “Racial Beings”
- 29:34 Representation is Important to Center the Black Experience- Books/Dolls
- 30:30 Teaching Black girls to love their hair
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah is the founder and CEO of Mosaic Consulting, an equity-informed, justice-driven, and humanity-centered consulting practice that facilitates transformation in the workplace. She works with leaders who are ready to drive workplace equity in strategic and sustainable ways that actually work!
- Book a Call with Olanike
- Email List
- Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Dr. Darlene Davis is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that Parenting is about PRACTICE not PERFECTION... "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website
In this episode, we’re sharing a recap of some key learnings from our first 5 episodes.
Some key learnings include:
- Focus on the quality of your allyship. It’s not about how many boxes you’re checking, it’s about the depth with which you’re approaching anti-racism.
- Recognize instances when Black women are treated as if they’re invisible. This is so prevalent in our socialization that Black children don’t even realize when they’re being taught to make space for white people.
- Allies need to shop up all the time because anti-Black racism and the fear parents have for their Black children exists all of the time.
- Anti-Black racism takes away Black people’s ability to express normal human emotions and reactions in response to pain and trauma.
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
Book a Call with Olanike
Email List
Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
Website
In this episode, we’re sharing HOW allies should be showing up. HINT: It’s all about taking action.
Some key learnings include:
- “Showing up” with behavioral change (i.e. going to protests) without doing the inner work only causes more harm. Take those necessary steps first.
- Understand what phase of allyship you’re in. Are you just starting out? Have you done the reading and have you been listening? This determines your next step.
- Focus on the quality of your allyship. It’s not about how many boxes you’re checking, it’s about the depth with which you’re approaching anti-racism.
- The defensive emotions you feel when someone is trying to educate you are normal! We can’t let these feelings distract us from truly listening.
Products or websites mentioned:
- Outdoor Afro
- GirlTrek
Follow the Podcast!
- IG - @wannabeanally
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Co-Hosted By
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call with Olanike
- Email List
- Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website
Today we’re diving into WHEN allies should show up. Before you listen in, catch up on Episode 1 (WHY you should be an ally) and Episodes 2 & 3 on microaggressions and racial trauma.
Photos and Books mentioned:
- White Women Form Human Shield to Protect Black Protestors in Louisville, KY
- Antagonists, Advocates and Allies by Catrice M. Jackson
Some key takeaways from this episode:
- You should be thinking about allyship all of the time, or at least start learning how to recognize opportunities to be an ally.
- A good place to start with allyship is educating your non-Black friends who still have a lot of learning to do.
- Inner work is action - make sure to read, listen, learn, and reflect constantly. Anti-racism is a long game.
Reflection Q’s:
- How can I make space for the marginalized and unheard in the space I’m currently in? Think about work spaces, school spaces, etc.
- What are my privileges in that specific space?
Follow the Podcast!
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/wannabeanally/
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Meet Your Hosts!
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call
- Website
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website
In Part 1b of this microaggressions series, Olanike & Darlene unpack the survival responses that Black people have to racial abuse. If you’ve ever wondered what’s going on in a Black person’s mind when they’re responding (or NOT actively responding) to a microaggression, this episode will provide some insight.
3 Key Takeaways:
- The four common survival responses to racial abuse are fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Fawning is brushing off or minimizing a microaggression for survival in that moment but of course still feeling hurt and abused by the microaggression.
- Whiteness is an ‘advantage chip’ that European ethnic groups (ex. Italians, Greeks, Poles) have been handed over time; and it costs all of us something at varying levels.
- Olanike’s F.I.G. (Fucks I Give) graph explains how Black people evaluate what they have to lose by speaking up, and if they care about the thing they might lose by doing so. You can check out the F.I.G. graph on the @wannabeanally IG!
Follow the Podcast!
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/wannabeanally/
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Meet Your Hosts!
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call with Olanike - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/contact-us-1
- Website - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mosaic_4equity/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mosaic4equity/
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/mosaic4equity/
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website - https://www.parentszonellc.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pzparentingcoaching/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/parentszonellc
- Twitter - https://twitter.com/CoachingPz
Today’s episode of So You Wanna Be An Ally kicks off a two-part series about microaggressions. Specifically, Olanike & Darlene will unpack the historical and social contexts of what makes them so traumatic for Black people. If you’ve ever wondered why phrases like “you’re so articulate,” and “you did this amazing work?” do way more harm than good - have a seat, and listen up!
Some of the key learnings and reflections from the episode include:
- Ask yourself: Are you interested in actually practicing anti-racism, or do you just not want to appear racist? There IS a difference!
- Microaggressions are like death by a thousand cuts. They are constant messages that Black people are considered “less than.”
Links mentioned:
- Nap Ministry on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thenapministry/?hl=en
- “Racism and Psychological and Emotional Injury: Recognizing and Assessing Race-Based Traumatic Stress” by Robert T. Carter (2007) - https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0011000006292033#articleShareContainer
Follow the Podcast!
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/wannabeanally/
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Meet Your Hosts!
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call with Olanike - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/keepintouch
- Website - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mosaic_4equity/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mosaic4equity/
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/mosaic4equity/
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website - https://www.parentszonellc.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pzparentingcoaching/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/parentszonellc
- Twitter - https://twitter.com/CoachingPz
We share our thoughts on why anyone needs to be an ally in the first place.
Follow the Podcast!
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/wannabeanally/
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Meet Your Hosts!
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call with Olanike - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/keepintouch
- Website - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mosaic_4equity/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mosaic4equity/
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/mosaic4equity/
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website - https://www.parentszonellc.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pzparentingcoaching/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/parentszonellc
- Twitter - https://twitter.com/CoachingPz
Introducing 'So You Wanna Be An Ally' - a conversation between two friends about non-black ally-ship to black women.
Follow the Podcast!
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/wannabeanally/
- Email – wannabeanally @ gmail.com
Meet Your Hosts!
Olanike Ayomide-Mensah
Olanike is a strategist and executor who has applied her organizational development, change leadership, and leadership coaching skills in both the social impact and for-profit sectors, nationally and globally. She founded Mosaic Consulting to offer equity-informed diversity training and consulting, and management and leadership coaching to facilitate transformation in the workplace. Olanike created the ‘Equity via Diversity and Inclusion’ (EvDITM) framework, which enables organizations to achieve sustainable institutional change.
- Book a Call with Olanike - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/keepintouch
- Website - https://www.mosaic4equity.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mosaic_4equity/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mosaic4equity/
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/mosaic4equity/
Dr. Darlene Davis
Darlene is the Founder of Parents Zone, LLC, a virtual coaching support service for parents and caregivers. Parents Zone firmly believes that parents should not have to choose between accessing support services and managing their busy, hectic parenting schedules. Their virtual parenting coaches use emotional support services to remove barriers encountered when seeking out parenting resources and support. Because no parent receives a parenting manual when leaving the hospital, we remind our parents that "perfect parents" do not exist and "perfect parenting" is not a real thing.
- Website - https://www.parentszonellc.com/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pzparentingcoaching/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/parentszonellc
- Twitter - https://twitter.com/CoachingPz