To Be Determined...: Recent Episodes
Dave and Jeff
[11:25] Jeff: give me copy for the blog post for the podcast.
[11:25] Jeff: do it!
[11:27] Dave: Let's see here...
[11:35] Jeff: uh... anything?
[11:35] Dave: It's not going well...
[11:35] Jeff: Thanks! I'll go with that!
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Jeff & Dave: They're best friends, on a mission!
What that mission is ... is unclear! (But it probably has something to do with answering ALL of the questions in "The Book of Questions" by Dr. Gregory Stock, Ph.D.)
In this issue:
Things get super serious!
Could this be the end of Dave & Jeff's friendship?!
PLUS: Captain America! And more!
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Jeff & Dave: They're best friends, on a mission!
What that mission is ... is unclear! (But it probably has something to do with answering ALL of the questions in "The Book of Questions" by Dr. Gregory Stock, Ph.D.)
In this issue:
U-curves!
Gratitude, do we need it?
2000-year lifespans.
PLUS: Jeff and Dave cure cancer, by talking.
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The best friends ever are BACK!
After SEVEN months, do you think they'll have anything to say?!
FOOD TRUCKS!
ALIGNMENTS!
LAUGHS!
TEARS!
DAVE'S BRAIN!
and MORE!
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Jeff & Dave: They're best friends, on a mission!
What that mission is ... is unclear! (But it probably has something to do with answering ALL of the questions in "The Book of Questions" by Dr. Gregory Stock, Ph.D.)
In this issue:
Dice!
Dungeons!
Dragons!
People named "Grant"!
Liam Neeson!
Who do you love?
And more!
PLUS: NO ONE DIES!
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Jeff & Dave: They're best friends, on a mission ... what that mission is ... is unclear!
In this issue:
"Insidious" spoilers!
Ghosts!
Ending World Hunger!
Moral Quandaries!
And more!
PLUS: Let's eat Bieber!
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Jeff & Dave, return!
In this issue:
JD Salinger
Johnny Cash
Bosom Buddies
Quotes (and misquotes!)
Trading lives
More!
PLUS: The sex lives of our hosts!
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The bestest of best friends, Jeff & Dave, return for a third triumphant week in a row!
In this issue:
Jeff and Dave complain about the quality of their Facebook friends, the "Year Of Perfect Happiness" hits some snags, and very few questions are answered.
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Best friends Jeff & Dave return for the second week in a row of a new year of shows! Can they keep this schedule up?! Time will tell. Telling time. Tattle-tale time!
In this issue:
NO CONSEQUENCES!
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Also: Jeff forgot to mention that there was Kahlua in his iced coffee.
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Their best-friend-ship is WAY better than yours ... and they prove it in this new-for-2014 episode!
Time Travel!
Stephen King!
Post Apocalyptic Nightmares!
and MORE!
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Will there be a second episode in 2014?! No man born of woman can say.
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The best friends ever are BACK!
Listen in to a whole new, shocking, exciting episode starring: Dave's Brain!
TRIALS!
TRIBULATIONS!
LAUGHS!
TEARS!
SURGERY!
This podcast has it all.
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Come listen to a story 'bout a man named Deschain. A poor gunslinger, barely kept the tower safe. Then one day, when he's shooting at some dude, up from the ground came a horrible spider monster who then eats its own mother. Also: Spoilers!
This issue, we determine the merits of The Dark Tower Series, getting dressed in the morning, the Muppets, Street Fairs, and lots of other stuff, too. SUPER MOOOOOOON!
You will enjoy it. Your friends will enjoy it. Why not enjoy tweeting it to your friends right now?! We'll wait....
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STREET FAIR!!!!
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What can I say that would entice you to listen to this? That we talk about Shamrock Shakes? Or blinding ourselves for a million dollars?
See. Nothing I could say about the individual parts is very appealing, but, like a jigsaw puzzle of a cheeseburger, it's appealing all together.
Surprisingly: No King's Korner, despite the fact that Dave has been reading "The Dark Tower" series. Oy!
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Muppets, Muppets, and more Muppets... then some "The Hobbit"... then it's over.
Also: Muppets.
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Do you like "The Hobbit"? Do you HATE "The Hobbit"? Then you'll LOVE this episode!
All Hobbit, all the time! (Except when we diverge and go off on a tangent, of course.)
Also: Wizards are jerks.
Topics covered:
- The Hobbit: Chapter 1
- The Hobbit: Chapter 2
- The Hobbit: Chapter 3
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Now that we've reached our 21st episode, let's get legally drunk ... on hilarity!
Topics covered:
- Hash Tags
- Dave's plan to heal the world
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Hey now, it's TBD's very special 20th episode, so special in fact that we let it pass without notice! Enjoy this thoroughly routine episode that makes no mention whatsoever of our 20th anniversary, or what the internet tells me would have been our "Emerald Anniversary."
Topics covered:
- Hoarding
- Transformers
- Sun-baked G.I. Joes
- Eggs
Topics not covered:
- 20th Anniversaries
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Hello new visitors! Let me explain what you are about to experience:
Madness.
Enjoy!
Want a little more explanation? Well, I can tell you that right now Dave and Jeff are in the middle of reading "The Hobbit" and discussing it in various mediums (text, chat, podcast). The results of these discussions are what you'll find, below.
If you want to start at the beginning of the bookclub, go here.
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Here we go! Dave and Jeff discuss the finer points of Chapter 2: Roast Mutton!
[16:06] Dave: So you finished Roast Mutton?
[16:06] Jeff S: I have!
[16:07] Jeff S: Those poor trolls!
[16:07] Jeff S: there they are, just livin' their life... and along come these dwarves, Hobbit and magician, and kill them.
[16:08] Dave: Well, they were going to EAT them!
[16:08] Jeff S: OH! I remembered what I was going to say about chapter 1!
[16:08] Jeff S: (it applies to chapter 2)
[16:08] Jeff S: So... Gandalf. He is a wizard.
[16:08] Jeff S: because he SAYS SO?!
[16:08] Dave: ac
[16:08] Jeff S: OOOOH! He showed off his "ventriliquism spell"?!
[16:08] Jeff S: using his "magic" to make the trolls think someone else is talking?
[16:09] Jeff S: honestly, if this were my first dance with Gandalf, I'd be really dubious that he wasn't just a con-artist.
[16:09] Jeff S: er... yeah, I'm magic. Look, I've..um... made a SMOKE RING!
[16:10] Dave: You should see what he can do in the bedroom.
[16:10] Dave: Why do Gandalf sex jokes spring so easily to mind?!
[16:10] Jeff S: the answer to that is deep within your psyche, I fear.
[16:12] Dave: I'd love to go deeeep into Gandalf's psyche if you know what I mean! (???)[16:12] Jeff S: well... I shall continue to keep my eye on Gandalf, and make note of when he first exhibits some REAL magical tallent "on screen", as it were.
[16:12] Dave: Yeah… not too often really.
[16:12] Jeff S: Mind, we are already through chapter 2.
[16:12] Jeff S: and I know you don't want to lead with "big magic" or anything... but shouldn't there have been something by now?
[16:12] Jeff S: I can't be the first to feel like it's a put-on, right?
[16:12] Dave: Magic in Tolkien's world is very…conservative.
[16:13] Jeff S: aaaaaah! so it wants all hobbits to register themselves...
[16:13] Jeff S: conservative magic!
[16:14] Jeff S: We made Obama's birth certificate disappear! Conservative Magic!
[16:15] Jeff S: Watch as we Cut up ... and then not restore the Bill Of Rights! CONSERVATIVE MAGIC!
[16:15] Jeff S: no?
[16:15] Jeff S: not gonna make it to "meme" status?
[16:15] Jeff S: hashtag conservativemagic
[16:15] Dave: Hmmm…Gandalf is a raging islamaphobe?
[16:16] Dave: #conservativemagic
[16:16] Jeff S: Bilbo waterboards gollum for information on the ring.
[16:17] Dave: The gates of minas morgul are so high, they keep all the illegal immigrants out. #conservative magic
[16:17] Jeff S: But who's going to build them?! The Orcs, of course!
[16:17] Jeff S: #ConservativeMagicIrony
[16:19] Dave: I do think the orcs were a bit…um…questionable in the movie.
[16:19] Jeff S: seriously! how did so many get into Middle Earth, in the first place?!
[16:19] Dave: Ah! Well, I know the answer to that.
[16:19] Dave: They were made.
[16:20] Jeff S: way to torpedo a great gag.
[16:20] Jeff S: with your FACTS!
[16:20] Dave: oh...
[16:20] Dave: continue please.
[16:20] Jeff S: nah, I ran out of steam on it...
[16:20] Dave: ...
[16:20] Dave: They were made by Melkor, Sauron's master, as an answer to the Elves...[16:20] Jeff S: so... Chapter 1: Mutton or whatever
[16:21] Dave: huh?
[16:21] Jeff S: hmmm
[16:21] Dave: Chapter 2: Roast Mutton
[16:21] Jeff S: so, you're saying that it's ok to kill something, even if it was just being itself, as was it's nature?
[16:22] Jeff S: the Trolls were what they are. could they help it if they were given a taste for man as food?!
[16:22] Jeff S: I'm totally going Hermione on this one and saying we should support the trolls!
[16:22] Dave: whoa
[16:22] Dave: Troll rights!
[16:23] Jeff S: and JRR says it's ok that they die, because they were stupid and mean.
[16:23] Dave: Well…they were murderous.
[16:23] Jeff S: well, so was the kid who bullied me in Jr. High, but I don't wish that good-for-nothing, piece of crap [name redacted] DEATH!
[16:23] Dave: yeah.
[16:23] Jeff S: YEAH!
[16:23] Dave: YEAH!
[16:23] Dave: Though...
[16:24] Dave: I believe this one guy who bullied me in middle school actually DID die...
[16:24] Dave: :(
[16:24] Jeff S: whoa.
[16:24] Jeff S: sh%t just got real
[16:24] Dave: Well, I'm exhausted now.[16:25] Jeff S: Are the Dawrves and Bilbo and Gandalf REALLY any better than the Trolls, if you think of it?
[16:25] Jeff S: murderers, all
[16:26] Dave: Aren't we all just murderers in the end? (???)
[16:27] Jeff S: Not if they don't find the knives![16:27] Dave: I assume this is all going up on the blog?
[16:28] Jeff S: possibly.
[16:28] Dave: hahaha
[16:28] Jeff S: if I get around to it!
[16:28] Dave: That's the spirit!
[16:28] Jeff S: There is more to say, but this chat is running a bit long. So let's end it here.
[16:29] Jeff S: We'll be back with more "The Hobbit" book club, later in the week, when we discuss Chapter 3!
LIVE FROM SAIGON MARKET, it's To Be Determined... bonus extra content!
In this audio file, Dave and Jeff, having FINALLY started reading "The Hobbit", discuss Chapter 1: An Unexpected Party ...
NOTE: It was recorded on a phone, during a meal so there is some background noise ... but for all that, it's rather easy to hear us, actually.
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The conversation moved to SMS on our phones. (Jeff is on the left, Dave is on the right)
And, so, what have we learned? Nothing! (Except that Jeff's fat, dwarfish fingers cannot text as well as he thinks they can.)
Yeah, this really added nothing to the conversation! Oh well, we'll return, soon, with our first mini-podcast, discussing chapter 1!
Stay tuned.
Dave and Jeff continue their pre book-club-reading conversation about "The Hobbit". If you missed any of the chats, catch up by reading Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.
The tale continues:
[10:47] Jeff S: So. We're ready to start reading The Hobbit, right? And we're going to read one chapter every 2 days?
... how many chapters are there?
[10:49] Dave: Hmmm...
[10:50] Jeff S: What I mean is: How long is this going to take?!
[10:50] Jeff S: How long will it take us to go there and back again?!
[10:50] Jeff S: are you ready to go back to titanic?!
[10:51] Dave: ha!
[10:51] Jeff S: Welcome... to Jurrassic Park!
[10:52] Jeff S: This. Is Sparta?
[10:54] Dave: The Squeakquel...
[10:54] Jeff S: HA!
[10:54] Jeff S: I'm not even sure what we're doing, right now...
[10:55] Dave: Me neither
[10:55] Jeff S: well, according to the eBook, there are XIX chapters...
[10:55] Dave: Whoa, X-rated?!
[10:56] Jeff S: "There and Boobs, again, a Hobbit's TAIL"
[10:56] Jeff S: These puns have probably already been sufficiently covered by now, I'm guessing?
[10:56] Jeff S: I'm... 100 years to late to make any new puns, here, aren't I?
[10:57] Dave: Probably, yeah
[10:59] Jeff S: born too late.
[10:59] Jeff S: story of my life!
[11:03] Jeff S: So, I just finished the "author's note"...
[11:04] Jeff S: did... did I ever tell you that in 3rd grade (the first and last time I read this book) ... gulp ... me and my friends learned how to write in tolkeinish runes?
[11:04] Jeff S: fluently.
[11:05] Dave: NO! How have you not told me this?
[11:06] Jeff S: shame?
[11:06] Dave: probably
[11:06] Jeff S: or... maybe this was later, in junior high (middle school)...?
[11:07] Jeff S: either way... yeah, I used to write notes in runes
[11:07] Jeff S: without having to reference a key
[11:22] Jeff S: And that concludes today's The Hobbit discussion! More tomorrow! (Tune in to find what other nerdy confessions we have!)
[11:30] Jeff S: I think this might have been our weakest IM chat about the Hobbit, yet...
[11:30] Dave: Yeah...
[11:30] Dave: :(
[11:30] Jeff S: oh well... at least I managed to embarass myself in it!
[11:30] Dave: Phew!
[11:30] Dave: I didn't pay enough attention.
[11:31] Dave: Can we have ANOTHER chat?!
[11:31] Jeff S: whaaaa?!
[11:31] Dave: YEAH!
[11:50] Jeff S: 20 minutes of silence...
[11:50] Jeff S: well... this one isn't turning out much better!
[11:50] Dave: Are you going to wear your special hobbit hat when you read?
[11:51] Dave: The floppy one...
[11:51] Jeff S: covered in hair foot-hair
[11:53] Jeff S: will you be wearing your special hobbit pants?
[11:54] Dave: Naw, no pants.
[11:54] Jeff S: AH! You're from the "Gandalf school" of book reading, I see!
[11:55] Dave: Indeed. Just WHAT is under all those billowing robes…
[11:55] Jeff S: many a fanfic has asked JUST that question, Dave...
[11:55] Dave: Though they basically showed Gandalf in his pajamas in that one scene in the Two Towers. Scandalous!
[11:56] Jeff S: which scene?
[11:56] Jeff S: the one where he was on one of the ... two towers?
[11:58] Dave: No, when they're all sleeping in Rohan when Pippin wakes up and touches the seeing stone. Saaaaaay!
[12:00] Jeff S: hmmm.... can't say I remember that.
[12:00] Jeff S: did his pj's have a bum-flap?
[12:00] Jeff S: I could see them playing THAT up for gags!
[12:00] Dave: He liked to wear it in the front though.
[12:02] Jeff S: and hold puppet shows...
[12:02] Jeff S: featuring "Gandalf the Pink"
[12:03] Jeff S: This is getting PG-13.
[12:03] Dave: Let's see if we can push it to NC-17.
[12:03] Dave: Either that, or back to G.
[12:03] Dave: ALL OR NOTHING!
[12:04] Jeff S: Personally, I will back off from this topic ...like a hobbit does from Gandalf The Pink.
[12:05] Dave: Hobbits back up against Gandalf the Pink?!
[12:05] Dave: Smoke a bit of Old Toby?
[12:05] Jeff S: Long BOTTOM leaf?
[12:05] Dave: ha!
[12:19] Jeff S: Well, we hope you enjoyed this The Hobbit Book Club extra, "bonus" content...
[12:19] Dave: SPROING!
[12:20] Jeff S: Is that bonus content in your robes, are you just hiding a Hobbit?
Yep, it's devolving. Of note: The preamble is over! We'll actually have started reading the book by the time we have our next IM conversation! Look forward to THAT!
[10:33] Dave: I'm scared...
[10:33] Dave: ...
[10:33] Dave: scared to read the Hobbit with you.
[10:33] Dave: haha
[10:33] Dave: (no really)
[10:33] Jeff S: hahaha!
[10:33] Jeff S: don't be!
[10:33] Jeff S: I am a pleasant person!
[10:33] Jeff S: fun to be around!
[10:35] Dave: hmmm
[10:36] Jeff S: wow
[10:36] Dave: HA!
[10:36] Jeff S: well, here's the problem, Dave...
[10:36] Dave: uh oh!
[10:36] Jeff S: I'll be reading it with or without you,
[10:36] Dave: Like the U2 song.
[10:36] Jeff S: so there is no avoiding my thoughts on it
[10:37] Jeff S: yes. Like Bono.
[10:37] Jeff S: except shorter... and hairier.
[10:37] Jeff S: no.
[10:37] Jeff S: wait.
[10:37] Jeff S: AS short and hairy
[10:37] Dave: oh my
[10:38] Jeff S: c'mon! what's the worst that can happen?
[10:38] Jeff S: you already know I hold the utmost disdain for these books!
[10:38] Jeff S: ha!
[10:38] Dave: A childhood memory and formative experience is forever destroyed!
[10:39] Jeff S: if MY feelings about a book can ruin YOUR favorite book ever... then maybe it wasn't really worth being so dedicated to!
[10:39] Jeff S: have you thought of it that way?
[10:39] Dave: Like Jesus
[10:39] Jeff S: aw... again, I'm sorry I ruined Jesus for you...
[10:39] Jeff S: (god, how many times do I have to apologze for destroying your faith in god?!)
[10:39] Jeff S: sheesh!
[10:39] Jeff S: but your love of LOTR is stronger than that!
[10:39] Dave: hahahaha
[10:40] Jeff S: Look.
[10:40] Jeff S: you like Speilberg, and I am indifferent...
[10:40] Jeff S: indifferent to the point of beligerance.
[10:41] Dave: Yeah
[10:41] Jeff S: and THAT hasn't made you dislike Speilberg, right?
[10:41] Jeff S: So, I think your god Tolkein can take a few hits from my brain-thoughts and not fall off his pedestal!
[10:42] Dave: Hmmm, but sometimes, when experiencing those things, I think of YOU! Your'e the ghost in the machine now.
[10:42] Dave: I might have a serious problem.
[10:43] Jeff S: yeah... I'm in your head!
[10:43] Jeff S: "WWJTOMFLT?" (What Would Jeff Think Of Me For Liking This?")
[10:44] Jeff S: well, you have to get over that!
[10:44] Jeff S: don't worry about me! love what you love!
[10:44] Jeff S: (and hate me for questioning your love of those things!)
[10:44] Jeff S: dance like no one is watching, dave!
[10:44] Jeff S: Sing like you're on X-Factor!
[10:45] Jeff S: Love like it's The Bachellor!
[10:45] Jeff S: Dance like you're on Dancing With the Stars!
[10:46] Dave: ac*
[10:46] Jeff S: well, I hope I've put your worries about The Hobbit to rest!
[10:47] Jeff S: (I'm still finishing up my current book, though, so you have another 2 days to change / rechange / unchange again your mind!)
[10:47] Dave: Yeah. I'm a basket case.
[10:47] Jeff S: aw...
[10:47] Jeff S: but in the fun, Green Day song way!
[10:47] Dave: totally!
[10:48] Jeff S: Also: you know this chat is getting posted online, right?
[10:48] Dave: yup
[10:48] Jeff S: yay!
[10:48] Jeff S: So, that ends Part II of our on-going chat series about The Hobbit! Thanks for reading, see you tomorrow!
[10:48] Dave: ac
[10:48] Dave: awesome
[10:49] Dave: ac
[10:49] Jeff S: people are now thinking, "Did he really SAY that, in chat with Dave?"
*AC stands for "Actual Chuckle" or "Audible Chuckle" and is our replacement for "lol". (Since people tend to use "lol" when NOT actually laughing out loud, Dave invented it to denote when one is really, truly, laughed in a way that could be described as "out loud".)
The discussion continues:
[11:18] Jeff S: no, I've NOT started reading it, but I DID glance at the foreword / notes on this edition of The Hobbit...
So... JRR made changes to The Hobbit when it was reprinted when he was working on LOTR, so that the original story "jived" more with the new story?
[11:18] Jeff S: JRR "Lucased" The Hobbit?!
[11:18] Dave: ha!
[11:18] Dave: Yeah, he changed a few things.
[11:19] Dave: In the original version Gollum referred to himself as the "my precious."
[11:19] Jeff S: and... and you find this acceptable?!?!
[11:19] Dave: He changed it so he only referred to the ring as "my precious"
[11:19] Dave: ha!
[11:19] Dave: It was….before my time.
[11:19] Jeff S: "Gollum shot first"
[11:19] Dave: Now THAT'S a t-shirt.
[11:19] Jeff S: HA!
[11:20] Dave: So it's Bilbo Baggins birthday.
[11:20] Dave: (and Frodo!)
[11:20] Dave: (same birthday)
[11:20] Jeff S: what do you mean?
[11:21] Dave: ...
[11:21] Dave: In the story, this was their birthday.
[11:21] Dave: September 22nd.
[11:21] Jeff S: September 22?
[11:21] Dave: yeah
[11:21] Jeff S: there was a "September" in Middle Earth?
[11:22] Dave: yeah
[11:22] Jeff S: hmmm
[11:22] Dave: haha
[11:22] Jeff S: so... he created his own language... but not his own months?
[11:23] Jeff S: I KINDA respect that! "Look! not all of this is weird-o fantasy!" kind of thing.
[11:23] Dave: Well, Middle Earth is supposed to be our world.
[11:23] Dave: Like, the lost time from our world.
[11:23] Jeff S: Better to re-use "our" months than create silly ones... like "Moontober"
[11:23] Jeff S: or "Septwinterber"
[11:23] Jeff S: I guess.
[11:24] Dave: And the hobbits and men are the children of the new age that would eventually become our time.
[11:24] Dave: So elves and wizards are disappearing.
[11:24] Jeff S: whoa whoa whoa!
[11:24] Dave: Sauron was the last bit of magic leaving the world.
[11:24] Jeff S: slow down, there!
[11:24] Dave: in a way.
[11:24] Dave: AND!!!
[11:24] Dave: pant pant
[11:24] Jeff S: SPOILERS!
[11:24] Jeff S: great.
[11:24] Dave: ha!
[11:24] Dave: You knew this!
[11:24] Jeff S: Did I?!
[11:24] Dave: It's not in any of the books really
[11:24] Dave: Well, you saw the movies!
[11:25] Jeff S: sure!
[11:25] Dave: The Hobbit has nothing like that in it.
[11:25] Jeff S: ok.
[11:32] Jeff S: So, what you're saying is that TODAY would have been the perfect day to start reading The Hobbit?
[11:34] Dave: Pretty much!
[11:36] Jeff S: we missed THAT trick.
[11:40] Jeff S: Are we done talking The Hobbit, for today?
[11:41] Dave: hahaha. yeah
[11:42] Jeff S: Cool. Thanks, everyone, for joining us. Tune in tomorrow for more "The Hobbit" talk!
From a recent IM conversation:
[17:32] Jeff S: aren't we supposed to be reading "The Hobbit"?
[17:32] Dave: wanna?
[17:33] Dave: WANNA?!
[17:33] Jeff S: MAYBE!
[17:37] Dave: Gandalf knocks on Jeff's door
[17:37] Dave: scratches a mark into the wood
[17:38] Dave: (you'll get that one soon)
[17:38] Jeff S: will I?!
[17:38] Jeff S: god... my life is about to get exponentially worse, isn't it?
[17:38] Dave: Think how I feel!
[17:38] Dave: I have to hear you bitch about it!
[17:39] Dave: Something I love.
[17:39] Dave: Maybe…maybe we shouldn't do this.
[17:39] Jeff S: look
[17:39] Jeff S: my negativity will only make you love it MORE
[17:39] Dave: hahaha
[17:39] Jeff S: also: who says I'm going to be negative about this shitty story with too many travelling songs in it?!
[17:39] Jeff S: SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!
[17:39] Dave: hehe
So... this is going to happen!