Teens, Tech & God: Recent Episodes

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Did you know?

A report by Common Sense found:

• 51 percent of teens visit social networking sites on a daily basis.
• More than a third of teens visit their main social networking site several times a day.
• 1 in 4 teens is a heavy social media user, using at least two different types of social media each day. (June, 2019)

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snap Chat can be great ways for teens to connect with one another; but social media can be problematic for several reasons. For instance, social media can expose your teen to cyberbullying, slut shaming, and so much more. And, while there are some benefits to social media, there are a lot of risks as well.

How is social media impacting our teens’ brains?

In a recent study, researchers at the UCLA brain mapping center used an fMRI scanner to image the brains of 32 teenagers as they used a bespoke social media app resembling Instagram. "When teens learn that their own pictures have supposedly received a lot of likes, they show significantly greater activation in parts of the brain's reward circuitry," says lead author Lauren Sherman. "This is the same group of regions responding when we see pictures of a person we love or when we win money."

Sherman believes these results could have important implications among this age group. “Reward circuitry is thought to be particularly sensitive in adolescence," says Sherman, "It could be explaining, at least in part, why teens are such avid social media users."

Adolescence is a period that is very important for social learning, which could explain why teens are often more tuned in to what's going on in their respective cultures. With the rise of social media, Sherman thinks we may even be learning to read likes and shares instead of facial expressions.

"Before, if you were having a face to face interaction everything is qualitative. You use someone's gestures or facial expressions, that sort of thing, to see how effective your message is," she says. "Now if you go online, one of the ways that you gauge the effectiveness of your message is in the number of likes, favorites or retweets, and this is something that's really different and unique about online interaction."

What effect is social media having on teens’ mental health?

Here are areas of negative impact:

>Depression

Researchers are just beginning to establish a link between depression and social media. While they have not actually discovered a cause and effect relationship between social media and depression, they have discovered that social media use can be associated with an intensification of the symptoms of depression, including a decrease in social activity and an increase in loneliness.

>Anxiety

Teens often feel emotionally invested in their social media accounts. Not only do they feel pressure to respond quickly online, but they also feel pressure to have perfect photos and well-written posts, all of which can cause a great deal of anxiety. In fact, some studies have found that the larger a teen's social circle online the more anxiety they feel about keeping up with everything online.

It takes a lot of time and effort to keep up with the unspoken rules and culture of each social media platform. As a result, this puts additional pressure on teens, which can cause feelings of anxiety.

>Sleep Deprivation

Sometimes teens spend so many hours on social media that they begin to lose valuable sleep. Consequently, this sleep loss can lead to moodiness, a drop in grades, and overeating, as well as exacerbate existing problems like depression, anxiety, and ADD.

>Communication Issues

While social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, it also is not the same as face-to-face communication. For instance, a teen cannot see a person's facial expressions or hear their tone of voice online. As a result, it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur, especially when people try to be funny or sarcastic online.

Many teens spend so much time online checking statuses and likes that they forget to interact with the people right in front of them. For this reason, friendships and dating relationships can suffer when social media takes center stage in a person's life. As a result, teens risk having relationships that are not deep or authentic.

What can you do to help your teens?

Parenting today has a lot more complexity than it did for previous generations. The addition of the Internet, cell phones, and other forms of technology not only add more to think about but a faster pace of change.

New social media sites crop up daily, apps are appearing like weeds, and access is ever-present. It's overwhelming to stay on top of it, and nearly impossible to monitor everything. Still, while it seems easiest to throw your hands up in the air, the best thing to do is to learn as much as you can and arm yourself with knowledge. You may not be able to watch everything, but sometimes the key is just to show that you're paying attention at all.

The list of concerns for digital parenting are long, but here are some of the basics with information, tips, and resources for all of them.

Mobile Devices

Tips:

• Collect all devices and turn them off before bed. Store and charge them together in a central location or, if necessary, in the parents' bedroom.
• Help kids understand the dangers of sexting and cyberbullying. Teach them to report inappropriate behavior to you or another adult.
• Start kids out with simple phones with no data plan. Once they've shown responsibility for those devices, consider graduating them to a more expensive phone.

Tips:

Keep an ongoing dialogue with your kids about social media. Maybe ask them for a tutorial on their favorite site. Not only is that empowering for them, it helps you understand why they enjoy a site and how they use it.

Don't deliberately try to embarrass or humiliate your kids - it sends a poor message about appropriate behavior and it's not something you can take back later.

Be thoughtful about what you share online, both in terms of what your kids can see, but also what you're saying about them.

Take cyberbullying and other inappropriate online behaviors seriously.

The most important things to remember are:

Talk with your kids about concerns and dangers, but also listen to what they have to say.

Be involved. Know what they are doing online and how all of the social media sites work.

Set rules and boundaries just like everything else. Kids will cross them, but they still need to know where the lines are.

What might be things to include in the Family Rules?

>Keep devices for social media access out of the bedroom.
Children who get in trouble online often do so when their means of access – phone, iPad, computer – are located in the bedroom. To avoid this, only allow your teen to access social media outside of the bedroom.

>Follow set time limits for social media usage.
One reason you should set time limits, says Madeline Levine, is that when teens spend too much time online they are not able to spend time doing things like building relationships and collaborating with other people. An hour on social media sites may not be bad at the end of the day. However, spending all afternoon chatting with friends online rather than going outside and spending actual time with friends can be.

>Allow mom and dad to friend and follow.
Before permitting your child to access social media, such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, Yalda T. Uhls suggests setting up the rule that you are to be their friend on these sites. This way you can monitor the content they are putting out to the world.

>Give parents their passwords to devices and social media sites.
Tina Meier notes the only way to know for sure what your children are doing online is to have access to their accounts. You can tell your children that while you aren’t going to check every day, you will monitor usage.

>Post appropriate content and images only.
Kids don’t understand that what goes out onto the Internet is often there to stay. Even social media sites like SnapChat, which was originally created to allow users to send a quick impermanent photo or message to friends, can be made permanent by taking a screenshot, says Uhls. You need to tell your teen that whatever is posted to social media – pictures, short blurbs of how they feel, words about others – should be posted with the idea that the information or images will be available to anyone, anywhere and at any time – because, in all likelihood, they are.

>Prepare for consequences when these rules are broken.
If your child gets caught online in the bedroom or is found to have sent something inappropriate to friends via social media, consequences should be in place and followed. This may mean losing the device used to access social media for a set period of time or losing access to the social media account altogether.

>Keep private information private.
The advent of social media has made ‘meeting’ strangers so easy that teenagers, and people of all ages, often forget these are really strangers they are talking to. It’s imperative parents teach teens to utilize social media safely. This means never giving out private information if a stranger could obtain that information. And if a stranger ‘friends’ your teen on Facebook, Theresa M. recommends asking your teen to unfriend this person in case his or her intentions are not good.

Quotes:

“Social Media sites creates [an] illusion of connectivity.” Malay Shah, TheDailyMind.com

“Distracted from distraction by distraction.” T.S. Eliot, TheDailyMind.com

Resources for Parents

https://www.verywellfamily.com/startling-facts-about-todays-teenagers-2608914

https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-social-media-affects-teen-mental-health-4144769

https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-social-media-is-ruining-teen-friendships-460643

https://www.verywellfamily.com/digital-parenting-101-4038621

https://www.connectsafely.org/social-web-tips-for-teens/

https://www.interaxiongroup.org/en/news/articles/seven-rules-teens-using-social-media

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In this episode, Dr. John addresses the rise in teen suicide and shares an important message to help parents understand the current situation and what to do to help their teens.

/// According to the Mayo Clinic, the warning signs of teen suicide include:

• Talking or writing about suicide.
• Withdrawing from social contact.
• Experiencing sudden mood swings.
• Using alcohol or drugs more frequently.
• Expressing a sense of hopelessness.
• Taking part in risky or self-destructive behavior.
• Changing eating or sleeping patterns.
• Giving away belongings for no apparent reason.

The new study was published June 18, 2019 in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

/// If you are concerned your child is thinking about suicide:

• If your child is talking about any level of distress, do not hesitate to ask them whether they’re feeling changes in their mood or level of stress, or having suicidal thoughts. Asking your child directly about suicide will not increase their risk or plant the idea. It will create an opportunity to offer support and let them know you care enough to have the conversation.
• You can say, “It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Does it ever get so tough that you think about ending your life?”
• Talk with your child about how to seek help. If you fear they may be at risk, get professional help right away.
• Let them know you’ll be there for them no matter what, that your love is unconditional, and that you’ll help them get the help they need to get through this challenging time.

/// Ten things you can do to help your teen:

1. Don't let your teen's depression or anxiety snowball. Let's not wait for children or youth to come to us with their problems or concerns. Knock on the door, park yourself on the bed, and say, "You seem sad. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help."
2. Listen—even when your teen is not talking. Not all, but most kids who are thinking about suicide (this is called suicidal ideation) tip off their troubled state of mind through troubled behaviors and actions. Studies have found that one trait common to families affected by a son's or daughter's suicide is poor communication between parents and child.
3. Never shrug off threats of suicide as typical teenage melodrama. Any written or verbal statement of "I want to die" or "I don't care anymore" should be treated seriously. Often, children who attempt suicide had been telling their parents repeatedly that they intended to kill themselves.
4. Seek professional help right away. If your teenager's behavior has you concerned, don't wait to contact your pediatrician. Contact a local mental health provider who works with children to have your child or youth evaluated as soon as possible so that your son or daughter can start therapy or counseling if he or she is not in danger of self-harm. However, call your local mental health crisis support team or go to your local emergency room if you think your child is actively suicidal and in danger of self-harm.
5. Share your feelings. Let your teen know he or she is not alone and that everyone feels sad or depressed or anxious now and then, including moms and dads. Without minimizing his anguish, be reassuring that these bad times won't last forever. Things truly will get better and you will help get your child through counseling and other treatment to help make things better for him or her.
6. Encourage your teen not to isolate himself or herself from family and friends. It's usually better to be around other people than to be alone. But don't push if he says no.
7. Recommend exercise. Physical activity as simple as walking or as vigorous as pumping iron can put the brakes on mild to moderate depression.
8. Urge your teen not to demand too much of himself or herself. Until therapy begins to take effect, this is probably not the time to assume responsibilities that could prove overwhelming. Suggest that he or she divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones whenever possible and participate in favorite, low-stress activities. The goal is to rebuild confidence and self-esteem.
9. Remind your teen who is undergoing treatment not to expect immediate results. Talk therapy and/or medication usually take time to improve mood. Your child shouldn't become discouraged if he or she doesn't feel better right away.
10. If you keep guns at home, store them safely or move all firearms elsewhere until the crisis has passed. If you suspect your child might be suicidal, it is extremely important to keep all firearms, alcohol, and medications under lock and key.

/// Where to get help

There are several reputable organizations and ministries that offer support groups for parents and family members of suicide victims. It would be worth your while to contact some of the following groups for further information:

SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education) https://save.org/
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry https://www.aacap.org/
The American Association of Suicidology https://suicidology.org/
The Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program https://yellowribbon.org/

You should also engage the services of a professional counselor as you work your way through the aftermath of this experience, and we highly recommend that you include the entire family in the counseling process. Focus on the Family’s Counseling department can provide you with a list of qualified Christian therapists in your area who specialize in dealing with problems of this nature. Their number is 855-771-4357. Call them for a free consultation.

/// Additional resources

• https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-06-18/us-youth-suicide-rate-reaches-20-year-high
• https://childmind.org/article/teen-suicides-risk-factors/
• https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Ten-Things-Parents-Can-Do-to-Prevent-Suicide.aspx
• https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/parents-dealing-with-grief-after-adolescent-childs-suicide/
• http://www.sptsusa.org/parents/

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Did you know? According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 13.3% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 had “at least one major depressive episode” in 2017. That equates to 3.2 million American teens. What’s more, 70.77% of depression sufferers experienced at least one instance of “severe impairment” that interfered with life.

What are some of the common signs or symptoms of depression?

• Fatigue
• Sleep problems
• Irritability
• Headaches, aches, indigestion, etc.
• Difficulty with concentration
• Loss of interest in food or compulsive eating
• Sadness, anxiety, or feeling hopeless
• Sudden drop in grades
• Loss of interest in things once enjoyed
• Use of alcohol or drugs or promiscuous behavior
• Withdrawal from friends
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Suicidal ideation
• Of course, see a therapist or doctor to get a definite diagnosis!

What can parents do if they think their teens are struggling with depression? Here are 15 suggestions to consider:

1. Focus on listening, not lecturing. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important thing is that your child is communicating. You’ll do the most good by simply letting your teen know that you’re there for them, fully and unconditionally.
2. Be gentle but persistent. Don’t give up if they shut you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Even if they want to, they may have a hard time expressing what they’re feeling. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.
3. Acknowledge their feelings. Don’t try to talk your teen out of depression, even if their feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Well-meaning attempts to explain why “things aren’t that bad” will just come across as if you don’t take their emotions seriously. Simply acknowledging the pain and sadness they are experiencing can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported.
4. Trust your intuition.If your teen claims nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what is causing the depressed behavior, you should trust your instincts. If your teen won’t open to you, consider turning to a trusted third party: a school counselor, favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is to get them talking to someone.
5. Encourage social connection. Depressed teens tend to withdraw from their friends and the activities they used to enjoy. But isolation only makes depression worse, so do what you can to help your teen reconnect.
6. Make face time a priority.Set aside time each day to talk—time when you’re focused totally on your teen, without distractions or trying to multi-task. The simple act of connecting face to face can play a big role in reducing your teen’s depression. And remember talking about depression or your teen’s feelings will not make the situation worse, but your support can make all the difference in their recovery.
7. Combat social isolation.Do what you can to keep your teen connected to others. Encourage them to go out with friends or invite friends over. Participate in activities that involve other families and give your child an opportunity to meet and connect with other kids.
8. Get your teen involved.Suggest activities—such as sports, after-school clubs, or an art, dance, or music class—that take advantage of your teen’s interests and talents. While your teen may lack motivation and interest at first, as they reengage with the world, they should start to feel better and regain their enthusiasm.
9. Promote volunteerism.Doing things for others is a powerful antidepressant and self-esteem booster. Help your teen find a cause they’re interested in and that gives them a sense of purpose. If you volunteer with them, it can also be a good bonding experience.
10. Make physical health a priority. Physical and mental health are inextricably connected. Depression is exacerbated by inactivity, inadequate sleep, and poor nutrition. Unfortunately, teens are known for their unhealthy habits: staying up late, eating junk food, and spending hours on their phones and devices. But as a parent, you can combat these behaviors by establishing a healthy, supportive home environment.
11. Get your teen moving!Exercise is essential to mental health, so get your teen active—whatever it takes. Ideally, teens should be getting at least an hour of physical activity a day, but it needn’t be boring or miserable. Think outside the box: walking the dog, dancing, shooting hoops, going for a hike, riding bikes, skateboarding—if they’re moving, it’s beneficial.
12. Set limits on screen time.Teens often go online to escape their problems, but when screen time goes up, physical activity and face time with friends goes down. Both are a recipe for worsening symptoms.
13. Provide nutritious, balanced meals.Make sure your teen is getting the nutrition they need for optimum brain health and mood support: things like healthy fats, quality protein, and fresh produce. Eating a lot of sugary, starchy foods—the quick “pick me up” of many depressed teens—will only have a negative effect on their mood and energy.
14. Encourage plenty of sleep.Teens need more sleep than adults to function optimally—up to 9-10 hours per night. Make sure your teen isn’t staying up until all hours at the expense of much-needed, mood-supporting rest.
15. Know when to seek professional help.

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In this episode, Dr. John addresses the growing problem of teen depression, which is being exasperated by the prevalence of and exposure to pornography. Dr. John will help parents identify if their teen could be suffering from depression.

// DID YOU KNOW?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 13.3% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 had “at least one major depressive episode” in 2017. That equates to 3.2 million American teens. What’s more, 70.77% of depression sufferers experienced at least one instance of “severe impairment” that interfered with life.

Here are some other relevant statistics:

• 20% of females and 6.8% of males aged 12-17 suffered a depressive episode in 2017
• 9% of adolescents “reporting two or more races” suffered a depressive episode in 2017; this represents the highest subgroup of adolescents affected by depression, according to the NIMH
• 1% of depressed adolescents received no treatment; 19.6% received treatment from a health professional; 2.4% were treated with medication alone; 17.6% received treatment from both a health professional and medication (NIMH)
• Based on the 2017 Youth Risk Behaviors Survey,4 percent of youth in grades 9-12 reported that they had made at least one suicide attempt in the past 12 months

//WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

Here are 5 common misconceptions about depression.

1. You can beat depression with willpower.
2. If you are depressed, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself.
3. Depressed believers have weak faith.
4. It’s easy to tell when you are depressed.
5. Depression is a waste of time.

A more clinical definition and description of depression from Dr. John. While depression is common, is it also very complex. It is a state of existence marked by being pressed down, weighed down, or burdened which affects a person physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. There are four basic types of depression: (1) Biological, (2) Situational, (3) Spiritual, and (4), Developmental

Some common signs or symptoms that a person might be depressed.

• Fatigue
• Sleep problems
• Irritability
• Headaches, aches, indigestion, etc.
• Difficulty with concentration
• Loss of interest in food or compulsive eating
• Sadness, anxiety, or feeling hopeless
• Sudden drop in grades
• Loss of interest in things once enjoyed
• Use of alcohol or drugs or promiscuous behavior
• Withdrawal from friends
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Suicidal ideation
• Of course, see a therapist or doctor to get a definite diagnosis!

Do Real Christians get depressed? Are there possible examples of people suffering from depression in the Bible? Can our faith play an important part in helping our teens deal with depression, and how?

The answer is “yes,” and as the church, we must rid ourselves of the stigma of depression. Dr. John talks about these examples from the Scriptures:

• Elijah
• King David
• Jeremiah, the weeping Prophet

What can you do if you think your teen is struggling with depression? Dr. John discusses three of these points in the podcast, but here’s a more thorough list.

• Focus on listening, not lecturing. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important thing is that your child is communicating. You’ll do the most good by simply letting your teen know that you’re there for them, fully and unconditionally.
• Be gentle but persistent. Don’t give up if they shut you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Even if they want to, they may have a hard time expressing what they’re feeling. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.
• Acknowledge their feelings. Don’t try to talk your teen out of depression, even if their feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Well-meaning attempts to explain why “things aren’t that bad” will just come across as if you don’t take their emotions seriously. Simply acknowledging the pain and sadness they are experiencing can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported.
• Trust your gut. If your teen claims nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what is causing the depressed behavior, you should trust your instincts. If your teen won’t open up to you, consider turning to a trusted third party: a school counselor, favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is to get them talking to someone.
• Encourage social connection. Depressed teens tend to withdraw from their friends and the activities they used to enjoy. But isolation only makes depression worse, so do what you can to help your teen reconnect.
• Make face time a priority. Set aside time each day to talk—time when you’re focused totally on your teen, without distractions or trying to multi-task. The simple act of connecting face to face can play a big role in reducing your teen’s depression. And remember: talking about depression or your teen’s feelings will not make the situation worse, but your support can make all the difference in their recovery.
• Combat social isolation. Do what you can to keep your teen connected to others. Encourage them to go out with friends or invite friends over. Participate in activities that involve other families and give your child an opportunity to meet and connect with other kids.
• Get your teen involved. Suggest activities—such as sports, after-school clubs, or an art, dance, or music class—that take advantage of your teen’s interests and talents. While your teen may lack motivation and interest at first, as they reengage with the world, they should start to feel better and regain their enthusiasm.
• Promote volunteerism. Doing things for others is a powerful antidepressant and self-esteem booster. Help your teen find a cause they’re interested in and that gives them a sense of purpose. If you volunteer with them, it can also be a good bonding experience.
• Make physical health a priority. Physical and mental health are inextricably connected. Depression is exacerbated by inactivity, inadequate sleep, and poor nutrition. Unfortunately, teens are known for their unhealthy habits: staying up late, eating junk food, and spending hours on their phones and devices. But as a parent, you can combat these behaviors by establishing a healthy, supportive home environment.
• Get your teen moving! Exercise is absolutely essential to mental health, so get your teen active—whatever it takes. Ideally, teens should be getting at least an hour of physical activity a day, but it needn’t be boring or miserable. Think outside the box: walking the dog, dancing, shooting hoops, going for a hike, riding bikes, skateboarding—as long as they’re moving, it’s beneficial.
• Set limits on screen time. Teens often go online to escape their problems, but when screen time goes up, physical activity and face time with friends goes down. Both are a recipe for worsening symptoms.
• Provide nutritious, balanced meals. Make sure your teen is getting the nutrition they need for optimum brain health and mood support: things like healthy fats, quality protein, and fresh produce. Eating a lot of sugary, starchy foods—the quick “pick me up” of many depressed teens—will only have a negative effect on their mood and energy.
• Encourage plenty of sleep. Teens need more sleep than adults to function optimally—up to 9-10 hours per night. Make sure your teen isn’t staying up until all hours at the expense of much-needed, mood-supporting rest.
• Know when to seek professional help. Support and healthy lifestyle changes can make a world of difference for depressed teens, but it’s not always enough. When depression is severe, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a mental health professional with advanced training and a strong background treating teens.

//CALL TO ACTION

Is there something that parents can do to prevent depression? Dr. John says there are several things parents can do of a preventative nature.

• First, provide continual warmth, caring, and support. A 2016 study shows that high levels of parental support had lower depression symptoms. Peer supports did not really make a difference.
• Second, teach and model strong social and emotional skills. Teens are prone to depression due to heightened emotions during the teen years.
• Encourage positive peer relations. Positive relationships and being in a romantic relationship were protective against developing social anxiety and depression.
• Encourage teens to seek purpose in life. It is associated with greater life satisfaction and hope in all age groups.

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In this episode, Dr. John addresses the need for the church to speak to teens about sexuality as a part of a teen’s discipleship and within the context of the gospel narrative. You’ll also learn about 6 crucial ways the church can support parents in this effort.

A quote shared by Dr. John:

John Freeman with Harvest USA uttered these prophetic words:

I remembered talking to a church’s prayer team years earlier. They had been praying with people for more than ten years at a weekly intercessory healing prayer meeting. One leader said to me, “John, we’ve prayed with people about marriage issues, problems with children, job losses, interpersonal conflicts, crises of faith, and other personal problems, but never has someone come for prayer about anything of a sexual nature. Not once.”

I was shocked. The numbers of those struggling with pornography, same-sex attractions, and sexual addictions are increasing daily. Add in family members affected and impacted by someone they love dealing with sexual brokenness, and it is clear this is a huge problem in the church today.

I responded to this leader’s comment by saying, “You know, I’d be asking, why not? I’d be asking, how has our church communicated that it’s OK to talk about everything else, but not about ‘that?’ Somehow, you’ve conveyed this isn’t a safe place to talk about sex and sexual issues. And in doing that, you’ve become part of a collusion of silence.”

Several years ago when our Board began thinking about expanding our mission focus at Harvest USA, one that would focus on educating and equipping the church, I remember what Board member, Steve Brown, said: “What Harvest USA does is the work of the church, work which the church has neglected out of fear and shame, out of not knowing what to do. We’ve got to help the church recapture the calling to rescue and redeem those struggling with sexual sin in the church. But, if we do this, it will be the most difficult thing that we’ve done.”

//What we talked about

Teaching sexual discipleship to our teens in a sex-saturated society seems like not just a difficult task, but maybe an overwhelming one. What are some of the challenges that we must face when it comes to sexual discipleship?

• We are dealing with the underpinnings of the sexual revolution in the 1960s. It promoted the notions of personal choice and unrestrained freedom of sexual expression.
• Related, there is the idea that we must rid ourselves of absolute truth or the fixed idea of right and wrong. CS Lewis, “We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road…”
• Think about all the influences impacting teens today: 1) entertainment, 2) educational systems, 3) advertising, 4) social media, 5) pornography, etc. Step up our game…
• The danger is to feel overwhelmed and not do anything. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9).

_

What’s one of the first things the church needs to do in this area?

• We need to establish that there is a credible biblical message.
• Todd Wilson wrote Mere Sexuality and he calls for the rediscovery of the Christian vision for sexuality in the Bible
• Our approach must be multi-faceted: Preaching, Teaching, Workshops, Specialized Support Groups, Books and resources, and a Planned and Coordinated Approach

_

Six key elements of teaching and discipling our teens

1. First, teach teens about sex from the Scripture starting with the Old Testament (how the first miracle, Imago Dei, monotheism, and monogamy are tied together). Consider Jim Burns’ idea of committing our lives to sexual purity, including honoring God with our bodies, renewing our minds for the good, turning our eyes away from worthless things, and guarding our heart above all else. Then we continue to teach from the New Testament (Jesus is the missing person, we are all broken sexually, and how Jesus models radical respect for women).
2. Second, we must teach them the view of holy sexuality
3. Third, we must teach them that they are opposed.
4. Fourth, we must teach them their true spiritual identity.
5. Fifth, equip teens to capitalize on the positives of technology.
6. Sixth, the mission of the church is to bring healing to the sexually broken.

_

But is the church ready for this approach now? What does the church need to start doing?

The church will need to implement the four streams written about by John Eldredge in Waking the Dead, including:

• Stream of Walking with God
• Stream of Receiving God’s Intimate Counsel & Offering godly Counsel to others in God’s timing
• Stream of Healing, Deep Restoration and Deliverance
• Stream of Spiritual Warfare

_

Call to Action:

Parents, pray that God will expand your influence with your children.

Speak to your pastor and church leaders to address the key sexual issues of this generation.

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Dr. John shares an important message for parents: If you want to protect your children from developing an addiction to the computer, Internet, smartphone, or other digital influences, you need to have a clear plan of action.

In the previous episode, Dr. John shared how the digital invasion has reduced our capacity to live a “real life” and has robbed us of true meaning, pleasure, and fulfillment. The framework for that conversation came from the book “The Digital Invasion,” by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd.

This episode will conclude our conversation about digital technology themes found in the book “The Digital Invasion.” Parents, today we’re going to look at ways you can protect your children from developing an addiction to the computer, Internet, smartphone, or other digital influences, by developing a clear plan of action.

//DID YOU KNOW

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends children ages 2 to 4 should have only one hour a day in front of a screen. Infants should have zero screen time, and those between ages 1 and 2 should rarely be allowed screen time.

//WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

Dr. John talks about what it means to have a digital protection plan and why it’s needed, and he also addresses some of the major fears of parents such as: Age-appropriate content, physical inactivity, addiction, screen time, unbalanced life, socialization, and education.

The World Health Organization isn’t the only major organization that has weighed in on overexposure to the digital world. The American Academy of Pediatrics also had a committee address that same issue. Dr. John elaborates on the results of their findings and their advice.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations include: Children ages 0 to 2—no screen time; Children ages 3 to 5—One hour a day; Children ages 6 to 12—No more than 90 minutes per day; and Teenagers 13 to 19—Two hours a day.

The authors of The Digital Invasion lay out a seven-step plan to help parents manage their children’s digital usage. Dr. John talks through each step.

• STEP ONE, lay a foundation of trust
• STEP TWO, stay informed about the digital world
• STEP THREE, love enough to set limits on using digital devices
• STEP FOUR, protecting your children’s social skills
• STEP FIVE, set up a digital contract
• STEP SIX, keep the internet safe
• STEP SEVEN, stay involved in your children’s digital lives

//CALL TO ACTION

Download this handy PDF that contains the seven-step plan and also Ten Tough Technology Tips.

Dr. John closes with this passage of Scripture:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

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In this episode, we continue the conversation about digital technology themes found in the book “The Digital Invasion” by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd. Specifically, we’re going to look at how the digital invasion has reduced our capacity to live a “real life” and has robbed us of true meaning, pleasure, and fulfillment.

Did you know?

Here are a few stats from a chart Dr. Hart has compiled and called the Digital Invasion Chart.

• In 2000, the average person spent 2.7 hours per week online.
• In 2013, that number jumped to more than 30 hours per week online.
• In 2000, there were 100 million daily Google searches.
• In 2013, that number jumped to more than 4.7 billion daily Google searches.
• In 2000, 14 billion text messages were sent daily.
• In 2013, more than 188 million text messages were sent daily.

What we talked about

Borrowing a page from John Piper’s book, “Don’t Waste Your Life,” what would it look like if we said, “Don’t Waste Your Life on a Virtual Life”?

Dr. Frejd wrote: “Don’t let your virtual life rob you of your real life.” Dr. John shares his thoughts and also answers: What are some signs that someone is overusing technology and letting their virtual life rob them of a real life?

A few questions from the Digital Use Assessment Quiz:

• Do you have the urge to text and drive?
• Do you feel the need to use your smartphone while in the middle of a face-to-face conversation?
• Do you feel an overwhelming urge to constantly post on Facebook and other social media?
• When your family is gathered together, is more time spent on digital devices than in conversation with each other?
• Do you ever lie about your phone or Internet usage?
• Do you feel anxious if you are offline and cannot connect?
• Does it feel as if you could get more work done if you weren’t distracted by your phone?

What’s the overuse of technology doing to the pleasure center in our brain? In simple terms, we’re deriving less pleasure from life. Dr. John talks about specific negative impacts that overuse of technology is having, such as poor sleeping patterns, social disconnection, and mental health issues: “Children using devices for more than 2 hours per day have an increased risk of depression, and that risk rises as screen time increases.”

What if a parent suspects their teen already has been negatively impacted by the overuse of technology or what if that parent themselves has been overusing technology? Dr. John says parents must be role models in using digital technology.

How can parents or individuals establish digital boundaries? Dr. John offers 4 questions that parents should ask.

Dr. John says the overuse or misuse of technology can effect a person’s manners: “It’s called absent presence.” Basically, that means a person is physically present but otherwise disengaged. “Wherever we are, we should be present.” A motto that the authors use is this: Be Where Your Butt Is.

6 rules of netiquette behavior:

1. Try to be polite and respectful at all times.
2. Spellcheck and proofread to avoid embarrassing errors.
3. Don’t do or say things online that you wouldn’t do or say in real life.
4. Tell the truth in your profiles; be honest about who you are.
5. Don’t respond in anger or lash out; think about how you should respond before you actually press send.
6. Use discretion when sharing personal information online.

Dr. John wraps up the conversation with one more suggestion from Dr. Hart and Dr. Frejd… the Digital Fast Challenge. Take a 24-hour digital fast and completely unplug from your technology.

Call to Action

The Apostle Paul wrote, “So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don’t act thoughtlessly but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to do” (Ephesians 5:15-17 TLB). His words apply to intentional living in the digital world.

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The purpose of this broadcast is to share critical insights from The Digital Invasion, written by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd. In part 1 of this three-part series, Dr. John will share how the wave of digital technology is changing us from within, physically, mentally, and especially spiritually, and he will offer some biblical strategies to become good stewards of our digital lives.

_

DID YOU KNOW

The following stats come from Brandwatch.com: https://www.brandwatch.com/blog/amazing-social-media-statistics-and-facts/

• For context, as of January 2019, the total world population is about 7.7 billion people.
• The internet has 4.2 billion users.
• There are about 3.4 billion active social media users.
• On average, people have 5.5 social media accounts.
• The average daily time spent on social media is 116 minutes a day.
• 91% of retail brands use 2 or more social media channels.
• 81% of all small and medium businesses use some kind of social platform.
• When asked 81% of teenagers felt social media has a positive effect on their lives.

_

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

Now that we’ve hopefully set the foundation for just how massive the digital invasion is, let’s peel back a few layers of the onion and get into what’s really going on behind those stats and numbers. There are four broad areas that are being affected by the digital invasion—physical, mental, relational, and spiritual.

Dr. John weighs in on the physical effects of the digital invasion, specifically the effects on our brains.

From The Digital Invasion: “Excessive digital use overloads the pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that operates self-regulation. Because of this inability to self-regulate, we spend more time in our digital life. The more time spent in the digital world, the less ability we have to self-regulate.”

The book mentions a couple of mental or psychological disorders that also have popped up in the digital age—nomophobia and PCVD. Have you dealt with these or other similar disorders among your clients?

The third area affected by the digital invasion involves relationships. As Dr. Hart writes: “Digital engagement seems to be breaking down their sense of unity as a family. Many parents confessed they were as hooked on their computers and cell phones as their kids.” Dr. John talks about the negative effects too much technology can have on our families.

The more connected we are, the more disconnected we’ve become. Dr. Hart writes, “As a culture, it is assumed that we are more ‘connected’ today than we have ever been in history, but there is evidence to suggest that we are actually more disconnected than ever before. How we define ‘connection’ is very important. …The next generation is at great risk of not being able to cultivate deep and intimate relationships.” How should we define connection?

The spiritual implications of the digital invasion. The authors suggest that the digital invasion can harm a person’s ability to spend significant time in prayer, to meditate and reflect on Scripture, or to just pay attention to a deep sermon. Drawing on his experience as a former pastor, Dr. John the ways that the digital invasion is negatively affecting our spiritual lives.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:15-17: “So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don’t act thoughtlessly but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to do.” How does this passage apply to intentional living in the digital world?

6 Biblical strategies for parents:

1. Daily cultivate your God space.
2. Maintain your integrity and self care, and lead from that posture.
3. Live a connected life with your spouse and children.
4. Receive God’s peace (the Serenity Prayer).
5. Establish wise, healthy tech practices.
6. Establish good digital boundaries, and model that to your kids.

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The purpose of this broadcast is to share helpful insights in how to nurture and teach your teen about their spiritual identity. We will offer some biblical strategies to help teens become established in their identity in Christ.

Did you know

George Barna, one of the world’s leading statisticians said in his book, “Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions-Why Children Should Be Your Church’s #1 Priority,” “moral foundations of children are generally determined by the time the individual reaches age nine. Our research confirms a parallel outcome in the spiritual dimension: By age nine, most children have their spiritual moorings in place.” What does this mean for us? If you want to have an impact on the next generation then you must do it by the age of nine. He also says that their spiritual identity will be set by the age of thirteen. We have a critical period of time to help these young people develop into spiritual champions—people that will know their Lord and Savior personally.

What we talked about

Take a closer look at the podcast mission statement: It is to equip parents in raising kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology**. Here are three points from the mission statement that relate to the topic of identity:

1. Teens learn that no matter what happens to them in life, God loves them and cares about every detail of their lives (1 Peter 5:7)
2. God is the source for their identity and purpose. We are His masterpiece and He created/crafted us for greatness (Eph. 2:10)
3. The young men and women who navigate well through the challenges of this technological world know who they are in Christ

Parents must realize they have a lot of influence to mold and shape their child. Here are some points Dr. John wants to communicate first:

• Pray for discernment to know the bent and flow of your child (Prov. 22:6)
• Use teachable moments
• Be transparent about your identity in Christ
• Pray for influence and favor as you impart God’s concern for your teen’s heart/their glory

A resource that might guide parents in thinking through how they can love their kids unconditionally and help establish them in their spiritual identity:

• Gary Smalley and John Trent wrote a book called The Blessing
• They highlighted five specific actions from the Scripture, including: 1. Meaningful touch; 2. A spoken message; 3. Attaching high value; 4. Picturing a special future; 5. An active commitment

The Bible is filled with verses that pertain to spiritual identity. Dr. John highlights a few passages of Scripture that parents might want to focus on:

• Ephesians 2:10– For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
• 2 Corinthians 5:17– Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come – the old has gone, the new is here!
• Romans 8: 37– No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
• 1 John 3:1– See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.
• Philippians 3:20– But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
• 1 John 4:4– You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
• Romans 8:1– Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
• John 15:15– I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
• Romans 8:17– Now if we are children, then we are heirs — heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

A great resource for parents to get biblical support is the book by Neil Anderson called Who I am in Christ. Or, his other book Overcoming Negative Self-Image is very helpful for teens.

Healthy “family” habits are important, too. Dr. John talks about some rituals or habits that would be helpful in establishing a child’s spiritual identity:

• One is to take pictures of each child from time to time. Then, you can write positive words about who they are on it: Generous, kind, an encourager, a great voice, good athlete, etc.
• Practice gratitude frequently at meals and holidays
• Family devotions that emphasize the Bible is our family story…help your teens see their life through the narrative of the Scripture…give an example

• Create a family motto (Phil. 4:13 or Matt 19:26), such as:

• Have courage and be kind.

• We can do all things through Christ
• Work hard and be grateful

• Trust God and family is forever

• Highlight spiritual gifts (giving, leadership, teaching, helps, hospitality, wisdom, faith, pastor, etc.).

Parents: Don’t be discouraged or overwhelmed by everything Dr. John has talked about so far. Here’s some encouragement from Dr. John:

• Tiffany Stuart said, “Building our teen’s identity is a long process. The Great Wall of China took years of extensive labor before it fended off enemies. Our teens live in a hostile culture. They need a wall of protection. As parental masons, we can help them stand up under fire.”
• We must hold on to the belief (and it is true!), God Loves Our Children More Than We Do!
• We must also seek the help of God’s People

The Church has an obligation to help shape spiritual identities too. Here’s how the church can have a positive role in helping teens strengthen their spiritual identity:

• Teenagers need models and mentors.

"O God, You have taught me from my youth, And I still declare Your wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to all who are to come. " (Psalm 71:17,18). Of course you as a parent are called to be the primary spiritual mentor of your own teenager but he/she also needs other godly adults!

• Teenagers need community.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24,25). It is a place where teens can learn their spiritual gifting.

• Teenagers need mission.

When Jesus challenged his most-likely teenaged disciples to "go and make disciples of all nations", he was tapping into the activist wiring of these young men. In the same way your teenager needs challenged with the mission to reach their peers with the good news of Jesus in a loving and contagious way.

• Teenagers need theology.

"Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." Ephesians 4:14,15

Youth group is a place where teenagers can wrestle through the theology you've been teaching them (you've been teaching them right?) and have it reinforced in a powerful and personal way under the guidance of a youth leader who knows how to ask great questions and point teens to sound truth.

• Teenagers need a safe place to confess and confide.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16

Often teenagers who struggle with sin and temptation have nowhere to confess and confide. They feel trapped by their sins. But a healthy youth ministry can create a safe space for teenagers to open up and talk honestly about their struggles. Of course, this doesn't mean they should confess every sin to everyone. But it does mean that they should have a handful of others who know their struggles and can pray for and encourage them to walk in victory over those sins.

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What should parents do when they have just learned that their teen is viewing pornography? Are there some things not to do? What is the best way to initially respond? In this episode, Dr. John helps parents to know how to respond when they find out that their teen is viewing pornography. We will also address some of the most frequently asked questions from parents when they make this shocking and disturbing discovery.

DID YOU KNOW?

Just how prevalent is the exposure of teens to pornography? Between 2008 and 2011, exposure to porn among boys under the age of 13 jumped from 14% to 49%. Daily use among this group more than doubled. Before teens get to college, 93% of the boys and 62% of the girls have see online pornography (from Dr. John Foubert, How Pornography Harms What Today’s Teens, Young Adults, Parents, and Pastors Need to Know).

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

Pornography is increasingly a part of mainstream culture. How concerned should parents be about this discovery? Is it really that big a deal? How should parents NOT respond? One suggestion: Avoid reacting with anger and shame. The best thing is to ask for God’s help and remain calm and demonstrate concern for their teen’s spiritual life.

What are some of the key questions for parents to ask their teen? Questions to ask include: How long have you been viewing pornography? What kinds of pornography have been viewed? Who introduced you to the porn? How do you feel about what you’ve been watching? Have you been lying and deceitful about using porn? How much of a problem do you think you have?

The ultimate goals to asking probing questions are to discern how much of a problem your teen has and how long this has been going on.

Does the Bible address this issue in any way? If so, how? See 1 Corinthians 6:18. Also, what can we learn from the life and ministry of Jesus about how to treat women? Dr. John shares some significant observations from the Gospels.

What are the risks and dangers for teens? How does pornography impact young people?

ACTION ITEM

When should a parent get help for their teen who has been viewing pornography? Christian counseling is highly recommended. You can get help locating a counselor by calling Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

TAKE THE PORN QUIZ

Does your teen have a problem with pornography? How can you know if your teen truly struggles with a porn addiction? Sit down with your teen and take this 25-question survey to gain a better understanding of just how significant of a problem your teen may have.

http://www.restoringheartscounseling.com/2015/05/25/does-your-teen-have-a-problem-with-pornography/

Teens, Tech & God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book “Pure Teens.” The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. Get more info at: http://www.restoringheartscounseling.com/

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We know that many parents are dealing with a son or daughter announcing that they are gay. In this episode, Dr. John shares critical insights from “Messy Grace” by Pastor Caleb Kaltenbach, and he’ll offer some biblical strategies to bring together both the grace and truth of Jesus Christ. This episode will speak to those who want to know how to respond to the LGBTQ issue.

Caleb Kaltenbach is a pastor and founder of The Messy Grace Group where he helps churches love and create belonging for those who relate as LGBTQ without sacrificing theological convictions. Find more information at his website: https://www.calebkaltenbach.com/

What we talked about

I. Did You Know. Stats come from the Williams Institute at UCLA. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/visualization/lgbt-stats/?topic=LGBT#density

II. Caleb Kaltenbach’s 5 Don'ts. When your teen son or daughter announces they are gay, here are five things that author Caleb Kaltenbach says you should not do:

1. Don’t look disappointed,
2. Don’t get mad,
3. Don’t throw out Bible verses,
4. Don’t compare, and
5. Don’t try to get them counseling.

III. Dr. John shares insights from his years of counseling and addresses these questions:

1. Have you found in your years of counseling that one of these 5 items is the biggest knee-jerk response of parents? (Dr. John: anger)
2. Which of the 5 don'ts seems to be the most difficult for parents to grasp? (Dr. John: counseling)
3. Are there any don'ts from your experience that you'd add to that list? (Dr. John: shaming)

IV. What if someone gives you an ultimatum, “Either you accept this part of my life or I will have nothing to do with you”? How do we respond in that situation to a friend or family member? Can we accept without condoning them?

• Ephesians 4:15, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
• Affirm the value of the relationship.
• We want to be compassionate without condoning.
• Proverbs 9:10, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

V. Action Item. As a parent, how should you respond when a son or daughter announces they are gay? Dr. John says there is always one thing for you to do as a parent: Affirm your relationship with your teen.

Here are some other action steps for parents:

1. Recognize you will have strong feelings, but this is not the time to argue or get mad.
2. Seek counseling for yourself.
3. Be respectful and non-reactive. If you have already reacted, you may need to apologize.
4. Do your best to interact well, emulating Christ’s character, and let that guide your attitude and approach.
5. Get on the same page with your spouse as quickly as possible.
6. You may want to round up some support of close, trusted allies.
7. You may have personal faith-questions. This can be a time of confirming your convictions.
8. It’s ok to acknowledge your emotions and the need for time to sort them out.
9. Take the initiative to affirm your son or daughter.
10. Affirm continuing unconditional love.
11. Maintaining the relationship and maintaining godly influence.
12. Be conscious in your choice to approach the matter in a “discovery mode” and encourage your child to do the same, if possible.
13. Ask a few questions: What led you to believe that you might be gay? Have you ever experienced feelings of attraction to the opposite sex? When did you first become aware of your attraction to others of the same sex? What was your initial reaction to those feelings? How persistent are those feelings? Have you talked to someone about them?
14. You will want to know if they still view themselves as a Christian.

Quote from Caleb:

• “Jesus’s command to ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ does not have an exception clause for a gay ‘neighbor’—or, for that matter, any other ‘neighbor’ we might find hard to relate to.”
• “Messiness is what happens when you try to live out God’s perfect grace as a flawed person in a flawed world.”
• “Ultimately it doesn’t matter what you think. It matters what God thinks.”
• “I want you to become a change agent, moving the culture of your local church in the direction of more openness toward people who are different from you.”
• “Christians need to stop trying to convert people’s sexuality. It isn’t our job to change someone’s sexual orientation. You and I are not called by God to make gay people straight.”
• “Every person in one way or another needs to exchange a false identity he or she has for an identity in the risen Christ.”

About the podcast: Teens, Tech & God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book “Pure Teens.” The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. For more information, visit the Restoring Hearts Counseling website: http://www.restoringheartscounseling.com

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EPISODE 4

We must be clearly aware that there is a spiritual battle going on around us. We can better preserve the reality of holy sexuality if we realize that it is under attack in the spiritual realms. As Christians, we engage in the battle to help people because we care for them. This is not really a battle between political parties or cultural interest groups. It’s a battle for God to be lifted high and win the hearts of people for whom He died.

What we talked about

[3:15] Juli Slattery states, “It’s not enough to be vaguely aware of some spiritual battle in the ‘heavenly realms’ (Ephesians 6:12). How can we fight what we have not acknowledged? How can we stand against an enemy if we don’t recognize his impact in our lives?” Dr. John weighs in.

[5:23] How does Jesus describe the enemy?

[6:28] Dr. John relates stories of clients who were exposed to pornography at around age 8 and talks about how that effects the mind.

[7:43] When Jesus began his public ministry, he read from Isaiah 61:1: “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” What does his statement tell us about the world we live?

[8:33] John Eldredge commented in his book Waking the Dead, “If we are in an epic battle, then the language of the Bible fits perfectly. Things are not what they seem. We are at war. The war is against your heart, your glory.” God created us for greatness.

[11:47] Juli Slattery wrote, “Satan has convinced us that sex can be separated from its inherent spiritual and relational significance. We buy his lies when we say, ‘sex is just sex.’” Do you think that a current example is sexting?

[13:15] The four different kinds of love.

[17:05] What are some of the other strategies used by Satan? Russell Moore explains how the devil works: “The devil works in two ways: by deception, ‘You will not surely die’ (Genesis 3:4), and by accusation, ‘who accuses them day and night before our God’” (Revelation 12:10).

[21:09] What insights might Daniel’s life offer us some understanding on this topic of how we live between two worlds? Daniel offers us insight into the struggle of living in the world as a follower of Jesus in three areas: our worldview, our appetites, and our identity.

[24:48] Insight on this comment from Juli Slattery: “We fight the spiritual battle around sexuality because we care about God and about people. We are fighting for people, not against them.”

ACTION ITEM: How can we help people come out of the dark shadows of their secrecy and shame?

Books mentioned this episode

Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery (https://www.amazon.com/Rethinking-Sexuality-Gods-Design-Matters/dp/0735291470/)

Waking the Dead by John Eldredge (https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Dead-Glory-Heart-Fully/dp/0785288295/)

The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Loves-C-S-Lewis/dp/0062565397/)

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EPISODE 3

In this episode, Dr. John discusses more critical insights from the book “Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters,” by Dr. Juli Slattery of Authentic Intimacy, particularly in the area of sexual discipleship and the role the church should play in shaping sexual values.

Dr. Slattery’s book can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Rethinking-Sexuality-Gods-Design-Matters/dp/0735291470/

Dr. Slattery’s ministry, Authentic Intimacy, can be found here: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

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DID YOU KNOW

Recent findings from The Porn Phenomenon… https://www.barna.com/the-porn-phenomenon

• 70% of Christian youth pastors have had at least one teen ask them for help with dealing with porn in the past 12 months. Most often the teens were: High school boys 92%; middle school boys 57%; high school girls 23%; and middle school girls 10%.
• 21% of youth pastors and 14% of pastors admit they currently struggle with using porn.
• 12% of youth pastors and 5% of pastors say they are addicted to porn.
• 87% of pastors who say they use porn say they feel a great sense of shame about it.

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

2:58: What is the definition of sexual discipleship?

“I think part of our dilemma is that we don’t have a sense of our sexuality being a part of our discipleship and followership with the Lord Jesus Christ.”

5:14: How has postmodernism grown so powerful in determining the sexual values of the culture?

6:27: In your view, why has the church failed to speak to these issues when the culture has been more compelling and effective in getting its message out?

8:08: Is sexuality a territory to be reclaimed by the church rather than a problem to be solved?

10:12: Juli Slattery wrote, “We have a mission. It’s not to convince people that sex outside of marriage is sinful…He told us to go and make disciples. Our mission is to exalt Jesus as Lord, Creator, and Savior of every aspect of our lives, including sexuality.” How do you respond to her comment?

“Jesus went out of his way to encounter people whose lives were broken.”

11:50: Do you think the church has been judgmental toward the issue of sexual sin and brokenness?

“You know what makes the church unique? We take the wounded and we shoot them.”

“Our priority is expressing the kindness and the mercy of our God toward people who have lives that are broken.”

15:00: How do you see the Bible addressing the issue of sexuality? Do you see anything especially noteworthy in the life of Jesus?

18:52: Are you suggesting that we in the church engage in sex education?

21:12: Let’s stop treating sexuality as a taboo subject in the church.

22:56: A closer look at a quote from Russell Moore’s book Onward: Engaging the Culture Without Losing the Gospel: “The sexual revolution, if we’re right about the universe, cannot keep its promises. Unhinged sexual utopianism can only go so far before it leaves the ground around it burned over, like every other utopianism. We need to be ready, after all that, to point toward older paths, toward water that can satisfy.”

ACTION ITEM

How can parents help their teens to better understand the idea of sexual discipleship?

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• The Porn Phenomenon, https://www.barna.com/the-porn-phenomenon/
• (Not mentioned, but worth exploring from PJ Media: https://pjmedia.com/faith/2017/01/28/barna-study-shocking-number-of-pastors-struggle-with-porn/ )
• Celebrate Recovery, https://www.celebraterecovery.com/
• Pure Desire, https://puredesire.org/
• Pure Desire Conqueror Series, https://puredesire.org/collections/conquer-series
• Russell Moore, https://www.russellmoore.com/ and also https://www.onward-book.com/
• Be Broken Ministries, https://2.bebroken.com/

Teens, Tech & God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book "Pure Teens." The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God's purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology.

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Episode 2: Who’s discipling your youth: the church or the culture?

Teens, Tech & God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book “Pure Teens.” The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God’s purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology.

In this episode, Dr. John shares critical insights from the book "Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters," by Dr. Juli Slattery. We can become a redeeming force in a world of sexual brokenness by promoting the concept of sexual discipleship within the church instead of continuing to allow the culture to disciple our youth on sexuality.

Dr. Slattery’s book can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Rethinking-Sexuality-Gods-Design-Matters/dp/0735291470/

Dr. Slattery’s ministry, Authentic Intimacy, can be found here: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

**Episode outline

Did you know: 68% of teens in America don’t believe that viewing porn is wrong, or as the Barna poll describes it: 32% say that viewing porn is wrong. Here are two links to the research:

https://www.barna.com/research/teens-young-adults-use-porn-more-than-anyone-else/#.VrNvv8dQlI5

https://www.barna.com/research/porn-in-the-digital-age-new-research-reveals-10-trends/#.VzawoVfHcsE

[2:08] The church must shift its approach on sex and sexuality. “The biggest problem that we in the church have is that we’ve been silent on this issue (of sex and sexuality). We have hurt a lot of people by not addressing this issue.”

[3:03] What is God’s design for sexuality, and why is it important for us to fully grasp His plan? “The very first miracle was the miracle of marriage.”

[4:23] Why has the church been silent on sexuality? “Our kids and our families are being discipled by the culture, and not by the church.”

[5:09] A closer look at Juli Slattery’s book "Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters."

[6:25] The dangers of allowing legalism to shape the church’s approach to discussing sex and sexuality. What is the church doing to help the hurt and the broken? “We’re all broken, sexually.”

[8:55] Dr. John relates a story of one young man’s struggle with sexuality and the sacred.

[10:48] Ultimately, every sexual question is a spiritual one. What does that mean? Dr. John explains.

[12:22] Don’t be afraid to talk with your kids about God’s design for sexuality. If you don’t, the culture certainly will.

Action item: Parents, start the conversation by spending a few moments talking to your children about the joys and struggles of your own marriage.

**Talking Points

Here are some other points Dr. John has on this topic:

• We must understand the main ideas that propel postmodernism and humanism. This is no time for continued silence or judgmental pronouncements.
• We must define sexual discipleship within the church and equip ourselves to follow the Lord in every aspect of our lives, including sexuality.
• We can only turn the tide by helping parents and teens base their sexuality in the biblical narrative, integrate it into their daily lives, and pass this message on to others.
• We must become a safe place for people who are struggling sexually. There is hardly a family not in the grips of some sexual woundedness or brokenness.
• This is not a problem to be solved but an important arena to be reclaimed.
• Jesus went out of His way to bring healing and restoration to the sexually broken. Hurting people want hope.
• The Bible provides concrete help for those who are hurting sexually.
• It is time for the church to grow up. This means, as Paul says, for us to be so rooted and mature in our faith so as not to be swayed by the culture.
• We shouldn’t be silent about something that God was delighted to create for His children. Sexuality is a precious and wonderful gift!

**Quotes related to the topic:

Juli Slattery, “We have a mission. It’s not to convince people that sex outside of marriage is sinful…He told us to go and make disciples. Our mission is to exalt Jesus as Lord, Creator, and Savior of every aspect of our lives, including sexuality.”

Francis Shaeffer, “Where is the clear voice speaking to the crucial issues of the day with distinctively biblical, Christian answers? With tears we must say that largely it is not there and that a large segment of the evangelical world has become seduced by the world spirit of this present age. And more than this, we can expect the future to be a further disaster if the evangelical world does not take a stand for biblical truth and morality in the full spectrum of life.”

Juli Slattery, “The body of Christ is in desperate need of mature Christians who are rooted in both God’s unchanging truth about sexuality and His life-changing love toward humanity?”

Russell Moore, “The sexual revolution, if we’re right about the universe, cannot keep its promises. Unhinged sexual utopianism can only go so far before it leaves the ground around it burned over, like every other utopianism. We need to be ready, after all that, to point a toward older paths, toward water that can satisfy.”

If you need to schedule an intensive or get counseling for your teen or yourself, call us at 719-644-5557.

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Teens, Tech, and God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book "Pure Teens." The podcast is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God's purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology.

In this introductory episode, Dr. John lays a foundation for recovery from sexual addiction and shares more information about the mission of the podcast and Restoring Hearts Counseling.

Episode outline

1:25, Dr. John shares more about his background and what drives him to help clients who may be struggling with addictive behaviors and the addictive qualities of Internet pornography.

3:24, The podcast is designed to be a resource to help parents and ultimately teens who are caught in the cycle of addiction.

5:28, How did we get to where we are now with the porn epidemic? Dr. John shares his thoughts.

6:39, Dr. John offers insights to trends he's seen over the past 15 years or so.

8:08, What does the Bible say about addiction? We can find an answer in the book of James.

10:36, Are there people in the Bible who appeared to suffer from some sort of addiction, or faced a sexual temptation? Dr. John talks about the stories of Samson and Joseph.

13:39, Let's not forget about the story of King David.

14:41, We also read about sexual issues within the early church, which can be found in First Corinthians.

15:25, The effects of sex on the brain.

16:36, Kids today are exposed to more pornography in their early lives than many older people saw in an entire lifetime.

18:56, Technology is the "wine" of the 21st century (see Ephesians 5:18).

19:41, The growing number of people hooked on pornography is at an increasing and even higher rate among females.

21:22, Dr. John shares more information about the mission of Restoring Hearts Counseling.

23:16, The action item for this episode: Study the story of the woman caught in adultery from John 8.

If you need to schedule an intensive or get counseling for your teen or yourself, call us at 719-644-5557.