Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort: Recent Episodes
Dr Joe Kort
Psychotherapist, life coach and author, Dr Joe Kort is breaking through the taboos of the most intimate of subjects, to bring leading experts together to talk all things sex and relationships. There’s always room for improving sex and together, Joe Kort and his guests delve deeper into the most personal of human behavior, getting right under the covers to discuss the different paths we take towards pleasure. #pleasure #sex https://www.facebook.com/joekort/ https://twitter.com/drjoekort www.JoeKort.com
A New Zealand-born, Australian-raised writer, director, actor, model and fetish content creator, Julian Shaw began his filmmaking career in his teens. When COVID dried up his earnings, a friend suggested he explore Only Fans, an app that is redefining the sex industry. He found he could make easy money and get back on his feet monetarily, but he learned far more. In 2020, Shaw launched a subscription site, and to his amazement, some of his content placed him at the site’s top 1 percent. Fetish and sexuality can make for a lucrative career, he quickly found out. His content was not pornographic; the fitness guru would flex his muscles, oil himself up and pose fully clothed. As his site gained subscribers, the special requests followed: smashing his foot into a pie, sitting on a cake, showing off his feet for the camera. Shaw gave his audiences what they wanted – a lot of non-nude fetish content.
In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Shaw openly and honestly talks about his fetish career publicly for the first time. “You can be a serious filmmaker and an unapologetic adult creator,” he announces. “I own my own fetishes, and it has been amazing for my mental health! Take a fearless step forward and own who you are, and that is the pathway to happiness,” he says.
An internationally renowned champion for saving marriages, best-selling author and marriage coach Michele Weiner-Davis has written eight books, covering topics such as divorce busting, sex-starved marriages, and her most recent one – “Healing from Infidelity,” a topic we delve deeply into during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
“If it weren’t for the kids, we wouldn’t be trying to save our marriage,” is a statement Weiner-Davis hears often in her sessions with couples heading for divorce. How a therapist responds to that statement can make all the difference in what transpires, she has found from her years of experience working with couples who are struggling in their marriage.
She courageously speaks out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce – she founded The Divorce Busting Center in Boulder, Colorado – and urges couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together, an often unpopular sentiment among many therapists.
In this podcast, she offers some valuable advice to help couples rebuild trust and repair their fragile relationship.
We can't simply squeeze ourselves into expected heteronormative structures and find happiness. It’s not going to happen! That’s why Tom Bruett, a therapist and founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, wrote the book, The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, a guide that provides the tools to build a rich, deep gay relationship. In any romantic relationship or friendship, there will be differences. This is how we learn about our partners and ourselves, and how we can grow in a relationship. If we do not go through the differentiation process, it creates angry fighting and static toxicity, Bruett finds. In this podcast, we talk about how to connect with your partner when you are not on the same page, and how to start the differentiation process and end with problem solving and a deep, sustaining and committed relationship. It will not happen if you are trying to create a carbon copy of a heterosexual relationship. It’s time to find queer joy, Bruett exclaims.
“I am promiscuous because I am curious,” reads an introduction to Soulmates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet,” a book authored by Adam Zmith, a writer and podcast producer whose work focuses on sex, queer identity, LGBTQ+ lives, history, art and desire. In my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Zmith shares that fetishes with feet are a centuries’ old pleasure that most cultural groups have explored. In fact, one in 6 people have fantasized about feet, and it is one of the most googled fetishes. It is a whole universe of pleasure, he has discovered. In my podcast, Zmith also talks about another book he wrote, Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and Queer Futures, a “manifesto to pleasure,” he describes. Through his work, including a weekly podcast entitled, Free Sex, Zmith’s goal is to build a world where everyone can have sex the way they want it.
In this powerful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort sits down with world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author Dr. Frank Anderson. Together, they explore the many forms of trauma—relational, cultural, global, and more—and how our responses, not just our experiences, shape our healing journeys. Dr. Anderson opens up about his personal transformation, the writing of his memoir To Be Loved, and the deep belief that love and connection can heal trauma.
You’ll hear insights on:
- Why trauma affects everyone differently
- The role of love, connection, and environment in trauma recovery
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and why it works
- How confronting your perpetrator—at the right time—can be transformational
- Why healing isn't linear, but it is possible
Dr. Anderson's personal journey, professional insight, and heartfelt message remind us that no one is broken—and that healing is not only possible, but a path to living a more authentic, purpose-driven life.
You can build the body you want and live a healthy lifestyle with a few simple changes, says Amadeo Aram, a sports and exercise professional, certified personal trainer, and online fitness coach who works with gay men all over the world to help them build the body they always have dreamed of. It’s not complicated to achieve your goals, he emphasizes.
Born and raised in Berlin, Germany, Aram conducts trainings online with his “tribe” of gay men – his community of like-minded individuals who face many of the same struggles when it comes to body image and health. Aram got into the business of helping other gay men reach their fitness goals because he himself had his own struggles as a young man. He found working out in the gym helped him overcome his fears and shortcomings, boosted his self-esteem and made him feel good “in so many ways,” he says.
In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Aram talks about some of the biggest mistakes men (and women) make when setting fitness goals, how you can stay fit at any age, and why it never is too late to start a fitness routine. “It is not complicated or overwhelming when trying to stay in shape and healthy with the right routines, practices and habits,” he professes.
In this insightful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, host Dr. Joe Kort welcomes Dr. Ronald Hellman, a distinguished psychiatrist and pioneer in LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy. Together, they delve into the concepts of "homosexism" and "sides," challenging longstanding cultural assumptions about gay male sexuality.
Dr. Kort and Dr. Hellman discuss the evolution of the term "side"—coined by Dr. Kort to describe gay men who prefer sexual activities other than anal intercourse—and how it has gained acceptance across dating apps and the broader LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Hellman shares his academic perspective on homosexism, a form of prejudice that narrowly defines gay male sex as exclusively involving anal intercourse, while invalidating other forms of erotic intimacy. He emphasizes that research spanning over a century shows that oral sex and mutual masturbation are actually more common among gay men than anal sex.
The conversation also explores how media portrayals, outdated medical assessments, and a lack of proper education reinforce these misconceptions, negatively impacting self-esteem and sexual identity within the gay community. Dr. Hellman calls for more accurate representations of male intimacy and greater awareness across all spectrums of sexuality.
Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the diversity of sexual expression, the importance of validating different experiences, and the need to dismantle cultural biases in both popular media and healthcare. Dr. Hellman also hints at his upcoming book, Loving Arrangements, focused on open relationships, due out from Rutgers University Press in 2025.
In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged to embrace diverse sexual experiences and to seek resources that reflect their unique situations. The episode aims to educate and empower individuals and couples to foster healthier sexual relationships.
In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love's fifth season, Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jay Kaplan, an attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Project. Jay shares insights on the Trump 2.0 administration’s executive orders affecting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly policies targeting transgender individuals.
They discuss the removal of LGBTQ+ references from federal websites, restrictions on gender-affirming care, and the reinstatement of the transgender military ban. Jay explains the legal challenges being filed to stop these policies and how they impact civil rights.
The conversation also covers how the LGBTQ+ community can respond, the importance of unity, and the broader impact of these policies beyond transgender individuals. Jay encourages listeners to stay informed, speak up, and support advocacy efforts.
🎧 Listen now at JoeKort.com or follow Dr. Joe Kort on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook @DrJoeKort.
“For a while, we thought we were a fluke in the system,” announces Samantha Wynn Greenstone, a social media influencer and actor who “came out” less than two years ago about her unconventional marriage to a gay man. Through social media communications with Smart Sex, Smart Love host, Joe Kort, Greenstone and her husband, Jacob Hoff, finally were able to “label” their relationship as “mixed orientation.”
The couple fell in love, were married last November, and have been talking about their monogamous relationship – a “soulful connection” – as Hoff describes it, in People Magazine, The New York Times and social media.
“It was a pivotal moment to finally take the leap and decide to share our story,” says Hoff during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
It’s natural for the couple to be under critical eyes when they chose to go public with their story. Greenstone is straight, and she knew Hoff was gay soon after their friendship began eight years ago.
People don’t believe they can be monogamous; they suspect Hoff will be (or has been) unfaithful, they label him bisexual and not gay, they say the marriage is a sham, they believe conversion therapy is involved, they assume Greenstone couldn’t find a straight man to marry … and the theories go on and on because most people are skeptical that a straight woman and a gay man can be in a loving, monogamous relationship.
The reality of this mixed orientation marriage is that it is working very well, and the couple is in love, happy, content, secure and completely committed to each other. “Jacob shows up for me more than anyone has ever shown up for me in my life,” Greenstone says. “He makes it clear how important I am to him every day and how much me being in his life means to him. Any doubt in my head is gone. He is in it for the long run.”
Listen to my podcast to learn about the “pure love story” of Samantha Wynn Greenstone and Jacob Hoff and how mixed orientation marriages can be successful.
“I remember my dad telling me when I was 12 or 13 that I was too old to play with toys,” reports internationally known Barbie collector Jim Taylor. He opened Season 4 of Smart Sex, Smart Love by talking about why he began collecting Barbies, and now is the proud owner of more than 3,000 dolls.
“I played with traditional boy toys growing up,” he points out. “I loved transformers.” As he got older, his desire to play with toys never diminished. Finally, when Taylor was well into his 20s, he decided, “I can do what I want, and I’m going to buy toys if I feel like it.”
He has no “scientific” process for doll collecting. “Some people collect celebrity dolls; others collect ball gown dolls or Kens. Buy what you love, and you will love your collection,” he announces. “It’s what makes me happy.”
He urges others: “Follow your bliss. I no longer say to myself, ‘you’re a grown man, you can’t buy that.’ Buy yourself a doll if it makes you happy!”
Learn more about doll collecting and Jim Taylor’s story in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
“I wanted to call my book, Go F Yourself, but I didn’t think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today.
Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast:
- The devil tempts people to masturbate. These sexual black magic demons enter your life and influence you to masturbate, which is a sin. Not true.
- Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real diagnosis. Not true.
- Masturbating will bring you to an early grave. Also not true.
Dr. Sprankle discusses these myths in detail and shares a lot more on the subject of masturbation, jackoff clubs, safe anus insertion practices, and enjoying masturbation moments without shame or guilt.
“If suffering is at the very core of the trans experience, what do we have to look forward to?” questions Rae McDaniel, a non-binary, therapist, coach, and transgender diversity and inclusion educator. “I think the world is better when we all get to be our authentic self, free from shame and guilt.”
McDaniel is the author of a book, “Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim your Joy and Step into your Most Authentic Self,”a first-of-its-kind practical guide to achieving gender freedom with joy, curiosity and pleasure for transgender and non-binary individuals, gender explorers and those who love them.
Born a girl, McDaniel found this identity was too limiting, but they didn’t identify as a man either. “I identify very much in the middle. Everyone has their own way of defining their gender, and everyone deserves to find their authentic self with joy, not suffering,” they announce in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
“It’s not about gender transition; it is about gender freedom,” McDaniel discusses. The book is relevant for trans, non-binary and cisgender individuals who want to understand what gender freedom is, and live the life that truly is authentic to them.
To hear McDaniel’s story and what you can do to live with gender freedom, listen to this podcast.
Christine DeLozier, a food expert, research scientist and licensed acupuncturist, combined all of her talents to produce a book entitled, “Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health.” You can have great sex if you eat certain foods and reduce consumption of other foods, her research shows. During my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, DeLozier talks about how great sex is much more than being with the right person and being in the right mood. Throw in the right foods and watch your sexual pleasure skyrocket, she finds. Sex is better when we have good blood flow, which generates strong and rapid nerve conduction to our genitals, her research reveals. Our goal is to awaken our sexual health pathways by achieving the trifecta, DeLozier calls it. Improved blood flow, hormonal balance and nerve condition are the great sex trifecta, she has learned. Spinach operates on all three of these. It is one of the best foods for great sex, she tells her clients. To learn what you can eat to pump up your sex drive, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
“When I was in my first year of medical school, I finally came out to my homophobic dad and it did not go well,” announces Ron Holt, DO, a board certified psychiatrist, author and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. “I never want anyone to go through my traumatic experience,” and that is why Dr. Holt is such a relentless champion for the LGBTQ+ community. He has presented talks nationally for more than 15 years on the consequences of bullying, suicide risk reduction, access to quality health care for the LGBTQ+ population, and how to provide a safe and welcoming clinical and mental health environment for his community. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Holt shares his personal story of growing up as a closeted gay man and the mental health issues resulting from no support, how rural and religious communities often do not provide an accepting environment for the LGBTQ+ population, how this population can find quality health care, and opening doors to help the LGBTQ+ community. I call Dr. Holt “Mr. Resource” because he knows how to find resources for every person and every issue. Listen in. You will find our conversation fascinating, educational, informational and emotional.
Professor Eric Schrimshaw has conducted extensive research on a variety of topics related to the LGBTQ+ population, including HIV prevention and treatment, the use of pornography by gay and bisexual men, men involved in sex work online, and most recently, on behaviorally bisexual men, a topic we discussed in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. In this particular study, the research team focused on men who identify themselves socially as heterosexual, but they reported in the study that they are having sex with men and women, including their wives and girlfriends who do not know they are having sex with men. These behaviorally bisexual closeted men have made a conscious decision not to disclose. Listen to my podcast to learn more about behaviorally bisexual men and how their secret can affect them.
Alex de la Cruz started his career in advertising and moved into product design, specializing in drinkware and dinnerware for some of the largest retailers in the country. After 15 years, he felt stagnate and needed a change. His creativity, innovation and own traumatic personal journey led to the beginnings of Bator Balm, a men’s edging lubricant that enhances the bating experience and has strengthened a sense of community among bators. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Alex tells his story of masturbation shame, how he overcame it, how Bator Balm has become a household name among bators, and why he organizes the annual Sausage Fest in Las Vegas.
Sex, romance, death and divorce are just four of the subjects the Old Gay Guys explore during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Bill Lyons, 79; Jessay Martin, 70; Robert Reeves, 80; and Mick Peterson, 67; like to call themselves the “Old Gay Guys,” but that doesn’t even come close to describing who they are and the impact they have made on literally millions of lives! The four friends modeled for Men’s Health, and “we dropped our pants” when we were asked,” they all laugh about their first “exposure” to celebrity status. They were introduced through Grindr and then began TikTok messages in late 2021. Today, they log some 10.5 million followers on TikTok and close to one million on Instagram. Their audience is mostly women under the age of 35. Asked why they think their biggest fans are the younger generation, they responded, “young people look up to us; they understand our struggles and what we’ve been through and how it affects their own future.”
In this podcast, the Old Gay Guys tell their story, freely discuss their sex lives, help dispel the myths of aging, and talk about their recently released book, “The Old Gays’ Guide to the Good Life.”
Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
“COVID changed our lives quickly and abruptly,” she begins. “Suddenly we were forced to spend time alone, or alone with our partner. “We were talking about our relationship more and what we wanted; we had to verbalize our thoughts, feelings and desires more often.”
Deysach owns a sex toy shop, and she saw a huge surge in sex toy purchases during the pandemic, she reports. People were exploring and accessing new avenues of pleasure, she found. “This can’t help but build self-confidence.”
How can couples keep open communication going? Dr. Kort asked her. “Practice. We are taught not to talk about sex, so start small, and be specific about what you like,” Deysach says. “Most people who are worth having sex with should want to communicate and want feedback,” she notes.
In the podcast, Deysach also shares her advice for helping people feel more comfortable in the bedroom. To hear her tips and more about Deysach’s background and why she opened a sex toy store, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
Conventional wisdom tells us it takes two people with an equal commitment to save a marriage. Winifred Reilly does not share that way of thinking, and she can prove it. Living in a 10-year static marriage, she applied her therapeutic skills to her own relationship journey. More than 35 years later, her marriage is stronger than ever, she continues to use these techniques very successfully in her therapy practice, and she has written a book, “It Takes One to Tango,” which demonstrates how to rescue a marriage with almost no help from your spouse. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist for the past 40 years, talks about helping couples build strong, loving relationships – no matter how frustrated they are, or how long they’ve been stuck. One partner can lead the necessary steps to achieve far-reaching positive and sustainable change, even when the other partner does not join the effort. Once you let go of the “two to tango” paradigm, you are in a much more powerful position to affect change. Stop trying to change your partner and focus on what you can change about you that will make a difference in your relationship. To gain an in-depth understanding of “it takes one to tango,” listen to this podcast.
In my first Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast for Season 4, I opened it quite explosively with featured guest, Boyslut Zachary Zane, as he likes to be called.
At the young age of 32, Zachary is quite accomplished. He is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, author and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture and the LGBTQIA community. Recently, he wrote a book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and we talked about it – very openly, candidly and explicitly.
Bisexuality has had very little visibility over the years, Zachary notes. “I felt so alone and so isolated; I didn’t think bisexuality was real.”
When Zachary started learning he was not alone and there was a huge, unnoticed community of bisexuals, “it was a voice not represented, and that is why I wrote the book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto,” which describes his journey and how he was able to overcome his sexual shame.
“If talking about sex is uncomfortable, good! It’s time to start unpacking these feelings and talk about the subject … graphically and explicitly,” he announces.
“Get loud and obnoxious about your bisexuality! We are real, we exist, and we are not alone! Shout it out! Sex can be so much more fun if we can reduce sexual shame!”
To learn more about Zachary Zane and his bisexual journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.
Can a heterosexual woman unexpectedly fall in love with another woman? Can a gay man eroticize about a heterosexual woman? It is in our human capacity to respond to our sexuality even though society is not quite accepting of sexual fluidity. What exactly is sexual fluidity? According to Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, sexual fluidity is the capacity for flexible erotic responses. For the past 25 years, Dr. Diamond has studied the development and expression of gender and sexuality. She is best known for her research on sexual fluidity, and wrote a book entitled “Sexual Fluidity,” which received the Distinguished Book Award from the American Psychological Association’s Society forthe Study of LGBTQ issues.
In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Diamond talks about arousal and desire, and emotions and love, which are some of the components of eroticism, but the true mystery of sexual fluidity – why it happens, who experiences it and why – remains a mystery in many ways. In this podcast, Dr. Diamond discusses the extensive research she has conducted on sexual fluidity, and she shares her findings. Is there a gender difference? Are women more sexuality fluid than men? Aren’t we “born that way” and we cannot change? Through the years, we have learned to see ourselves through such a small lens, Dr. Diamond reports. Let’s take a wider look and see what we can learn!
Nic Reveles, somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, has dedicated the past several years of his life to helping gay, bisexual and queer-identified men recover from the trauma imposed on their bodies by culture, church and family in a centuries’ old attempt to control sexuality and sexual expression.
“Coach Nic” developed Body Prayer to reclaim the Sacred for our Erotic Bodies. In his new profession – he was a reknown musician for more than two decades and then shifted careers to the Catholic priesthood before choosing sexological bodywork – he helps men learn to enjoy their bodies more, deepen their sacred body experience, and open up to the possibility of the erotic body. “You marry the ritual of the sacred with the erotic, the body and spirit, and it can be “really delicious,” he professes. Too many people feel shackled and don’t even know how to ask the questions about their sexual erotic being, he finds. It can be as simple as touching a hand, but touching for many brings feelings of shame and guilt. Nic helps clients understand how touch works, explore touching in ways never tried before, and learn to love the sacred experience.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Coach Nic talks about how men can feel safe and comfortable about their sexual erotic being.
Pornography is not an addiction; it is a way to escape from other issues in your life. In a recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joshua Grubbs, PhD, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the clinical psychology PhD program at Bowling Green State University, talks about addictions and how to gain a better understanding of them.
He notes that research is exploding when it comes to understanding sex addiction … and whether it truly is an addiction. “The more we know about it, the more we need to know,” he finds. Not every problem we face is an addiction, he reports. Your problem is real, but it may not be an addiction, he has learned through extensive research.
To find out more about the research of this internationally recognized expert on behavioral addictions, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.
“Someone asked me to choke him for a fee, and that is how it all started,” reports Master Arch, a fetish worker, ProDom, fetish creator, death escort and financial fetishist. Master Arch has been on the scene a long time and has a great deal to share about the Findom fetish.
Financial domination (also known as Findom) is now more widely accepted; it no longer is a passing fad, Master Arch points out during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It goes beyond fetish in the world of BDSM, and it is ethical, moral and therapeutic, Master Arch notes. “We discuss the terms of the relationship beforehand and have a meeting of the minds to ensure all transactions and actions are consensual. The client is ready to relinquish financial control to me and become my slave.” Like other BDSM activities, financial domination requires boundaries and communication, he adds.
During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Master Arch also discusses his work as a death escort – helping people who are looking for one last erotic experience – and how people can benefit from talking about fetishes. To learn more about how Master Arch has helped countless people through his work – which he does “very ethically,” he asserts, listen to this podcast.
Narcissists engage in behaviors that will keep the world around them more comfortable, and they will trap you into believing their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You do not have to be a victim in their life of manipulation.
You won’t change a narcissist, but you can change how you handle yourself and cope more effectively with these situations. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Matt Phifer, a therapist and expert in toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma and emotional abuse, talks about understanding narcissism and codependency, and how to detoxify from toxic relationships.
Healing is 100 percent on you, he emphasizes. We all need to be responsible for our own mental and physical health. The healthier we become, the less impact the narcissist will have on us. When we are immersed in the manipulative trap of a narcissist, it makes it even harder to find a way out. Start the healing journey today. The narcissist is not going anywhere and always will be looking for another victim.
To learn how to understand narcissism so we can break free from being victimized and begin our healing journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast
Women never gave up their claim; it was stripped from them, finds Kate Balestrieri, PhD, licensed psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist. Women can build resilience and lead the life they want – sexually and holistically. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Balestrieri talks about the challenges women face when it comes to sexuality, identity and vulnerability, and how they can reclaim their sexuality on their own terms.
Women often are treated in unwanted ways and society tolerates it, she professes. This is a challenge women constantly face. “Push back and punch down,” she advises women. Why are men allowed to demonstrate “weaponized incompetence,” she calls it, and expect women to be and do it all. “We end up being over functional to compensate for men’s weaponized incompetence that they use against us, but they still expect us to perform in bed,” she says. In this podcast, she also talks about the Madonna whore complex, sex after trauma, slutting (“Go slut, go!” she announces), and the constant cat and mouse game women must play. It’s time for women to have a positive, liberated and shame-free life.
Heather McPherson is living her dream career. A multi-passionate entrepreneur, she has incorporated all of her loves into her business and is having the time of her life! A licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor, a licensed professional counselor supervisor, an AASECT and SHA certified sex therapist, the CEO and Founder of SHA (Sexual Health Alliance), the CEO of Respark Therapy and Associates, and a podcast host of Practice Outside the Lines, Heather is doing it all! In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she talks about her career path, how it all started and what she is doing today to help other sex therapists get the training they need and deserve. That is why she started the Sexual Health Alliance, which offers online certification trainings. The field is exploding, she finds, as a whole evolution in sexual mental health is emerging.
Marriage and couples therapist Lynda Spann, PhD, knows firsthand the struggles two women may face in an intimate and romantic relationship. She also knows how to love in a way that frees her to be her true self, and, today, she works with all couples – different sex and same sex – to improve their relationship. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Spann talks about how different sex couples can learn from same sex couples how to have a healthy, loving relationship.
Women traditionally are trained to take the role of nurturer, and when two women in a relationship are focused on that, “they can create an amazing relationship,” she finds. Women are people pleasers, they are peacemakers, they are accepting and supportive. Intimacy comes naturally. Same sex relationships not only are legitimate, but they also are worth emulating. So, how can a couple move into a place where they can be their own unique secure self and still be together as a couple and maintain a supportive, loving connection?
Your child comes home from school angry and upset. He throws a temper tantrum for seemingly no reason at all. You respond with the same anger and send him to his room in frustration. His bad behavior is not tolerable, so you punish him for his outburst.
You and your daughter spend a fun day at the beach. When it is time to go home, she protests and starts screaming at you. She is not ready to leave and is not going to leave. The louder she yells, the angrier you get. By the time you are able to drag her to the car, you are emotionally exhausted and tell her this is the last time you are ever taking her to the beach.
As a parent, is there a way to manage emotional outbursts successfully in our kids? Do our kids understand their emotions? They probably don’t even know the words to describe feelings such as nervousness, anxiety, fear or worry.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mina Blatt, a therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, provides some strategies and advice for parents to help their kids understand and manage their emotions effectively.
Grounding, breathing techniques and time outs are three of several ideas Mina explores during the podcast. She also talks about how parents can manage their own emotions better when their kids have uncontrollable outbursts. Remember, we are role models for our kids. They are always watching and learning from their parents’ behaviors, Mina points out. To hear the entire Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast and pick up a few valuable tips on helping your kids manage their emotions
Couples often are so focused on lasting long enough in bed that they end up experiencing performance anxiety and the shame and worry that accompanies those feelings. The result: a bad bedroom outcome. But this can change! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort talked with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who offers some advice for lasting longer in the bedroom and having better intimacy. Anxiety is the number one reason therapists see individuals dealing with sexual dysfunction, and many express their worries about premature ejaculation. The bedroom experience should be stress-free, romantic, empowering, safe and full of explosive happiness. Sometimes, couples need some additional tools to make that happen.
Crossdressing is not a gender; it’s an action! Savannah Hauk, author, speaker and podcaster on the subject of demystifying the crossdressing experience, shares her thoughts and experiences as a crossdresser on a Smart Sex Smart Love episode. Savannah is a male-to-female dual gender individual supporting and promoting non-binary visibility. Her focus is letting every crossdressing person find their own confidence, expression, identity and voice. She frequently is asked why she chooses to crossdress … for kicks, as a hobby, to attract attention? “It is part of who I am,” she explains. It’s time to plant new seeds, she adds. What we learned 20 years ago is old thinking. “We have lived with stereotypes that have defined us for years. We’re supposed to be a man or a woman, not both, our society continues to tell us. I’m very comfortable being a man six days a week, but on Sundays, I go to Starbucks for coffee and work as Savannah.” In this podcast, she talks about how her life as Savannah impacted her relationships, what the new normal is for her, and how she finally discovered her true identity … and happily. To hear Savannah’s story and her advice on living proudly and confidently as a crossdresser, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast
Vulnerability in men can lead to isolation, depression and suicide. In fact, the suicide rate in men is four times more than women, and suicide is the seventh leading cause of death in men.
Why are men afraid to share their vulnerability? And what can they do about it so they will feel empowered to lead a life of connection, openness and honesty? As young boys, males are taught not to shed tears because it is a sign of weakness. It is unmanly and unattractive, they’ve been told. It’s time to break this cultural context! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Love and Leadership Coach Shana James, talks about how men can create more balance in their life so they will feel free to share their vulnerability and feel less isolated and alone. She explores vulnerability as a strength in men, not a weakness. Men need to feel safe to explore and express their vulnerability, she asserts, but we’ve created a world that won’t allow this to happen. Listen to Shana’s podcast with Dr. Joe Kort on how men can begin to share their vulnerability and feel confident and powerful for expressing their feelings.
Sensate focus isn’t a new technique, however, do you know how to use it effectively to truly reconnect to your body and your sensual self?
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Linda Weiner, certified diplomate in sex therapy and author of a book entitled, “Sensate focus in sex therapy: The illustrated manual,” explains this mindful touching technique that can enhance your sex life. “You can turn off the chatter” in your mind and tune into your body to improve your sex life, she finds. The technique especially is beneficial for sexually distressed individuals.
Sensate focus is a series of touching experiences that people can use for themselves to reconnect to their body and calm themselves or use with a partner to reduce pressure between the two and improve their sexual health. Deepening a sexual connection with your partner may mean focusing less on sexuality and more on the sensuality of touching. Turn off the thinking brain and turn on the primal brain, she asserts. In this podcast, Linda explains how to focus on mindful thinking to relieve anxiety, worry and sexual tension. She discusses the three components of sensate focus: temperature, texture and pressure, and how to use each to help with self-love and body acceptance.
How do I know if I’m asexual? Do I even understand the word “asexuality?”
During the Season 3 opening podcast of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Cody Daigle-Orians, an asexual writer and educator, shares his own personal experience of discovering his identity as asexual in hopes of helping others who are confused about finding the “label” that bests fit them.
When you are not sure of what you are feeling, be sure of what you are not, he asserts.
Cody came out as gay at the age of 18, but he knew that label really wasn’t the right fit for him. He chose “gay” because at the time that was the recognized language. “I didn’t understand what I was, but I clearly could see what I was not.” He knew he didn’t relate to sex the same way as other gay men; in fact, he thought he was a broken gay man. Cody didn’t experience sexual attraction, but he still wanted sexual pleasure.
Three years ago, when he was 42, Cody came out again – this time as asexual.
“It was such a wonderful moment for me to find my true, authentic self,” he announces.
The language of asexuality, the labels, the definitions and the terms are tools, not tests, he emphasizes. These tools help you explain yourself to yourself and explain yourself to the rest of the world.
You also can learn more about asexuality by listening to Cody’s Tik Tok messages under the name of @acedadadvice.
Approximately 84 percent of gay men say they feel under intense pressure to have a good body. Only one percent stated they were “very happy” with their appearance, and as they grow older, the body image struggles seem to intensify.
Why are gay men hyper-focused on body image?
Objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism are contributors to a gay man’s dissatisfaction with his body, studies have shown. In addition, Apps like Grindr only make it worse. Gay men are shamed, humiliated and discriminated against, and this can lead to mental health problems.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Greg Johnson, therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, talks about the issue of poor body image and low self-esteem that many gay men are living with. He offers advice on how to overcome these issues – which often are rooted in their childhood, and how to start valuing and validating yourself as a gay man. He also will discuss objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism and their contributing role in body image perceptions.
Your sex drive has shut down. You’re getting older, you’ve hit menopause, and you don’t feel beautiful anymore. You do not have to be ghosted by your libido, says Sex Therapist Susana Mayer, PhD, during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Sexuality is ageless. Your body may be changing, but that does not mean your sex life is ending.
You are in charge of your pleasure. If you feel your partner is not understanding the physical changes you are going through and how they are affecting your libido, have you talked about it openly and honestly? Women have a voice and need to use it; they need to talk about how menopause is affecting their sexuality so they can take some steps to regain the sexually active life they once enjoyed.
You may feel unattractive and old, but your partner doesn’t see you that way. Allow your partner to reassure you that your sex life is still good. You are not 20 years old anymore, so stop expecting your life – and your sex life – to be like it was when you were 20.
There are three factors to consider when talking about your changing sex life:
- conscious coupling: everyone’s sexual needs should be taken into consideration
- authentic sex life: honor how each person feels
- creating sexual pleasure: this can be ever-changing
Women need to develop a personal path to pleasure – their unique method and style of creating pleasure with an ever-changing body and following an ageless sex philosophy – the physical expression of intimacy taking into consideration emotional needs, aging bodies and health challenges.
Think of your bed as a sandbox you played in as a child. You discovered limitless creative pleasure to do whatever you wanted. You can find that active, satisfying sex life again.
Can a polyamorous relationship work? Is monogamy the only relationship that can succeed? According to Certified Sex Therapist Martha Kauppi, beautifully functioning open relationships can and do work!
Polyamory involves engaging in multiple romantic or sexual relationships with different people. These relationships will work, but couples must first put the right pieces in place to ensure a secure, successful, workable and healthy polyamorous relationship.
Here are a few factors to consider before deciding if a polyamorous relationship is right for you, Martha shares.
- One partner may want an open relationship, but the other partner is dead set against it.
- One partner tried a polyamorous relationship in the past and it didn’t work, so he/she is hesitant to try again.
- One partner breaks the relationship agreement.
- Couples don’t know they need to set up “ground rules” to make the relationship work.
- One partner is worried the other partner may fall in love with his/her new partner.
These are just a few concerns couples need to resolve before considering a polyamorous relationship, Martha explains during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
First, begin building the polyamorous relationship structure – valuing your personal growth and always expressing your thoughts and feelings with transparency and honesty. Don’t shy away from the tough questions and challenges. Ask the hard questions, have the difficult conversations, talk about the uncomfortable feelings. Hammer it out. Ultimately, you will find the answers you are looking for.
Next, develop an agreement that both partners are comfortable with. Really be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want in this relationship. Can you make it work? Do you want to make it work? Are you agreeing to things because you want to be a partner pleaser or because you want to avoid conflict? In either case, the agreement – and the relationship – will not succeed because you are not being completely truthful. The agreement requires a lot of self-awareness. It won’t work magically. Ultimately, together you can create an incredibly beautiful and strong relationship.
Remember, to maintain a strong, open relationship, continue communicating, talk about issues as they surface so you can resolve them quickly, listen to what your partner wants and be receptive to making changes in the agreement.
The agreement can be fluid, Martha points out. She encourages couples to check-in with each other often to make sure both partners still are comfortable with the agreement. If you want to renegotiate your relationship “contract,” be open to changing it as you learn more about this new relationship and how it is working. For example, maybe you’ve decided you don’t want to know if your partner is seeing someone else, or you want a phone call if your partner decides to stay out all night. Add these to the agreement.
The goal is to adjust the agreement, not break it. If you find you cannot keep the agreement, maybe you are not ready for a polyamorous relationship. Talk about that, too. It is important to build a secure, trusting relationship.
Creating a polyamorous relationship agreement can be incredibly emotionally weighted, in fact, it can be scary as hell, but can do it if you are willing to work at it – just like any other relationship.
In hopes of helping other couples publicly transition easier, Sarah Scales, a licensed master social worker with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, shares her story as a pansexual woman married to a trans female.
“I came into the relationship knowing my partner was gender fluid,” she begins in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.
At first, the relationship was uncomfortable, not because of her partner’s gender fluidity, but because they didn’t know how to identify themselves publicly. Words like “we” became common descriptors as they tried to avoid he/she pronouns. This growing discovery of gender fluidity impacted both partners.
“We had a lot of long, intense conversations on how to publicly transition,” Sarah says. “We both were closeted; it was a transition for me, too.”
This was a huge challenge for the couple; when do they come out, how do they come out, and when do they stand up and speak and stand down and support? They had many talks about the transitioning process as well as their relationship. Trans partners also have to be mindful there are challenges for cis partners, too, Sarah points out.
What is most important, she emphasizes, is to be true to who you are. “Gender wasn’t part of it for me. It was the attraction. Focus less on gender and more on who that person is whom you love,” she believes.
“The person in private I fell in love with initially wouldn’t show that side to the world. I loved that person in private, but not so much the person who masked in public. It was stressful for both of us to live the masked life. I saw who she truly was and who she truly could be, but she was afraid to unmask.
“For me, it was really powerful when my partner came out. I loved her even more.”
Keep your label, Sarah emphasizes. Respect what a person chooses as their label. People choose a label that fits them.
“I chose pansexual; I can be attracted to someone regardless of their gender and assigned sex at birth.”
And do not out your partner if your partner isn’t ready. Always defer to what the trans person wants.
Everybody is talking about anal sex … but are they really talking about it? During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Evan Goldstein, DO, a nationally renowned anal surgeon, talks candidly about anal sex, and how to do it successfully and experience a new heightened level of pleasure, while keeping it safe and clean.
He started his surgical practice about 10 years ago focusing on everything anal. Dr. Goldstein is considered the preeminent expert and thought leader in this field, bringing the important issues surrounding sexual health to the forefront for all communities, and eliminating the stigma attached to anal sex.
Through working with a wide spectrum of individuals, he has learned they want to talk about anal sex but are uncomfortable starting the conversation.
People don’t understand the positive experience this can be. When they are ready to “talk about ass,” as he says, there are a few most frequently asked questions, such as “isn’t the anus dirty?” Or, “is it safe?” Or, “is one person submissive?” Another question is about toys – “should we use them, will they get stuck, how do I know what size to use …?”
First, it is all about sexual desire; about enjoying your sex life. Anal sex can take you to that next level of pleasure you haven’t experienced before, he finds.
Second, people just need some education before they attempt anal sex for the first time to make sure the experience is safe, injury-free and fun.
Some simple anatomy lessons will help. So will information about the right toys to use, the right lube to use, the dilating process, how to douche adequately, and how to learn how to relax certain muscles so you can enjoy the experience fully.
Anal sex can, and should be, very sexy, not mechanical.
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Most people don’t know they should bring science into the bedroom before having sex. That’s why nationally renowned Anal Surgeon Evan Goldstein, DO, founded The Future Method, an innovative step-by-step approach to sex care. Backed by extensive scientific research, The Future Method consists of products developed by medical professionals to improve sexual health. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Goldstein talks about why the anus and anal area need to be treated with respect. As an anal surgeon for more than 10 years, he saw patients dealing with major health issues because of incorrect prepping before sex as well as aftercare. Over-douching, poor hygiene, damage to the anus, and incorrect use of sex toys are just a few issues he commonly sees in his medical practice.
For example, approximately 90 percent of people use tap water to prepare for bottoming, he points out in the podcast. Tap water and store-bought enemas cause damage to the cells inside your anus. Dr. Goldstein has created a solution for clean, confident sexual activity. He believes pleasure should be safe, healthy and “mind-blowing for everyone;” that is why he created the Future Method products.
When was the last time you thought about using a moisturizing cream for your anus? Do you know why you should and what products are safe? Dr. Goldstein created one to soothe the damaged anal area, something not many of us probably ever worry about. Most of the damage is not from sex, he points out. It’s from our stool or using bad toilet paper or sweating in your bottom area and letting the excess moisture stay in that area far too long. He has a solution to reduce the irritation and inflammation, and hydrate and soothe the anus.
During the podcast, he offers scientifically researched advice on caring for your anus and anal area properly, such as:
· Ditch the wet wipes – they cause increased irritation
· Dry yourself off completely after a shower – the moisture in your anal area that sits there all day can lead to bacterial infections, fungal infections, dermatitis, rashes and micro-tears
· Don’t over-douche – more is not better, especially when it comes to your anus
Let’s take a moment to relive those days as children on the playground. Were you bullied, teased, or ridiculed? You probably remember some of those experiences like they happened yesterday. Years ago, you built walls of protection and silos of safety to make sure no one could hurt you.
It’s time to tear down those walls and silos and take the risk of going back to the playground again, say John Ball and Lisa Goyette. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. John and Lisa, founders of CH Training & Coaching, talk with Dr. Joe Kort about how businesses can create a more authentic and empathetic workplace “playground” by increasing relational intimacy through social and emotional intelligence.
Social and emotional intelligence is the science of managing yourself and connecting with others. To do this, John and Lisa recommend using a new “life lens,” as they call it, to improve relational intimacy and healthy communication. Vulnerability, authenticity, resilience and adaptability are just a few of the tools needed to learn how to adapt your behavior based on an awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others. Even in the midst of our differences, we still can find a way to work together effectively, increase productivity in the workplace and develop a satisfying work life. We can do it in our personal life; we should be able to do the same in our work life.
Step back and take a real look at who we are, John and Lisa advise. Look at our behaviors, our family, our “playground” experiences, and our relationships. Understand who we are as an individual, and how we judge ourselves and others. Preconceptions of people are made in the first 10 to 15 seconds.
In the workplace, employees need to feel safe expressing their feelings; they want to be heard and they want to validated, not judged. It can be scary to tear down the walls and silos. You don’t want to relive those playground days.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of either/or, with us or against us, conservative or liberal, for gay rights or against gay rights. In a Smart Sex Smart Love podcast, Lucie Fielding, sex educator, writer and therapist, challenges binary in every way. Can society and social culture ever break out of the world of binary thinking? This mindset is changing too slowly despite the increasing visibility of trans and non-binary folx. We need to step away from white cis folx and monogamy and step into a really queer space, she says in the podcast. It is okay to challenge the norms. Biology does not determine destiny. It’s time to bring different energies, open up a whole new wheelhouse of “typical” sex, learn how to use your body for sexual pleasure in different ways, and create new possibilities that our culture has not previously allowed. Find your own landscape, she urges.
There is an epidemic … people leading secret lives. It causes psychological and relationship mayhem. Your innate sexuality is your birth right, however, few claim it. In fact, many struggle most of their life searching for their authentic self instead of freely enjoying their sexuality, and expressing it honestly, consensually and shame-free.
No matter how much you have struggled in the past with secretive, compulsive, unhealthy sexual behaviors, you still can learn to become sexually honest, authentic and fulfilled. Your current and future partners will be grateful you did. Galen Fous, master of transpersonal psychology (MTP), sex-positive therapist, author, educator and sex researcher, was a guest on Smart Sex, Smart Love with host Joe Kort, PhD, sexologist and psychotherapist. Galen talks about the collision of fear, shame and trauma with sexual development and desire. He encourages couples to shift from secrecy to honesty and confident expression of authentic desires. It is time to explore, share and enjoy your wildest sexual desires by releasing the wounds of shame, trauma and fear that have disconnected you from your authentic sexual self.
It remains taboo in the black community to seek mental health services. It feels unsafe, it is intimidating, and it is not the place to air your dirty laundry. These beliefs need to change, says Darcia Miller, a licensed master social worker with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. She knows they are true … not just by her work as a mental health therapist, but as an African American woman who was raised with these beliefs. And she also knows it is time to change these views. We are supposed to trust the mental health system because it helps people, it protects them and provides resources, but will it really be safe, will it really help African Americans?
Generation after generation, black families have taught their children to be fearful of the world; don’t draw attention to yourself and your family. They constantly live in a survival mode. Will their child return home safely? Will the police show up unexpectedly at their house? Black families believe the world is an unsafe place, and these beliefs continue one generation after another.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Darcia discusses why it is difficult for African Americans to seek mental health services and provides some advice on how to overcome these issues and seek help when you need it.
“For each rejection, I’m a better, stronger person.”
Tylia Flores, disability activist and advocate, was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it never has altered her determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many challenges and obstacles, she discovered a passion for writing and chose to share her life experiences with anyone who will listen. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Tylia talks about dating and Cerebral Palsy and the lessons she has learned as a 25-year-old sexually active wheelchairbound woman with Cerebral Palsy.
Self-love comes first, she strongly believes. It helps to deal with rejection in relationships, she has found from personal experience. Not every relationship ends like a Nicholas Sparks novel. Embrace the journey of dating and the experience of getting to know someone. It’s like layers of a cake: the first layer is trust, the second is communication and the third is love. Take your time savoring each layer.
Maintain your boundaries, she recommends. As a “one chance kind of woman,” Tylia has no place in her life for cheaters, liars and scammers. She’s been scammed on online dating sites many times and has met men who fantasize about having sex with a woman in a wheelchair. Having Cerebral Palsy makes life a little more interesting, she finds.
The world isn’t made for people like us, Tylia believes, especially when we face one obstacle after another in our life.
Everyone’s dreams can come true, even those with disabilities, she preaches loudly.
Cerebral Palsy does not define you. Life is 99 percent of how you react to challenges, and love comes in all shapes and sizes. Fall in love with yourself and keep moving forward. The rest is icing on the cake.
Why don’t we talk about sexual pleasure?
Why are teenage boys taking Viagra?
How can older adults continue to enjoy sex?
At the Pornhub Wellness Center, these questions – and dozens more – are discussed honestly and openly and backed by evidence-based facts. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort interviewed Laurie Betito, PhD, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and Director of the Pornhub Wellness Center. The sexual wellness, sexual health and sexual education website was designed for people to learn about sex the right way. You won’t learn to drive by watching “The Fast and Furious;” why would you think you could learn about sex by watching porn, Dr. Betito asks.
Sadly, people – often kids – seek out porn sites for education. That is what they will get – porn education, not sex education. Kids are curious about sex because they are not learning it in school or from their parents, so they will find it with just a few clicks on their computer or phone. And adults watch porn and worry, “this isn’t happening with me. What am I doing wrong?”
During the Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Betito also talks about empowering people with their own sexual pleasure, having great sex into old age, and penetrative sex. People think if they are not having penetrative sex, they are not having sex. Sex needs a much wider definition. Sex is everything you do together that you wouldn’t do with your sibling.
We are opening a door people don’t want to shut when it comes to learning about sex the right way.
(Dr. Betito clarifies that Pornhub Wellness Center is a website for adults, not kids.)
It’s not conversation at the dinner table, but millions of people from all over the globe quietly are listening and learning about anal sex. It’s one of most talked about topics on social media, and a pleasure no one should be denied just because people think it is taboo, announces Dr. Carlton, a gastroenterologist from San Diego, California, who frequents TikTok to share his messages about anal sex.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, he discussed the anatomy of anal sex, how to prepare for it, how to take preventive measures to ensure a safe experience, and what the secrets are to making it a pleasurable experience – one he describes as “rockets going off.”
So many people are embarrassed to talk about anal sex or ask questions about it, but let’s face it, most people want to know how to do it right, how to do it well, and how to do it safely. Who better to ask than a gay GI doctor?
Everyone can – and should – enjoy anal sex – even women. And the G spot (there is one in anal sex) can be explosive. Remember to prepare for anal sex with lubrication; relaxation; lots of breathing; and light, slow pushing. Dr. Carlton shares many more secrets to having some of the best sex you’ll ever have through the anus.
How do you master midlife as a gay man? Do you see it as a time of crisis, or a time of new beginnings? Do you feel confused or empowered? Are you disoriented or excited?
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Buck Dodson, board certified life coach and licensed psychotherapist, talks about the core steps you can take to make this second coming out full of new possibilities, fewer problems and a real sense of freedom and authenticity.
It is time to design your best midlife! As a gay man, you got a jump start when you came out of the closet and faced the challenge of discrimination, homophobia, exclusion and learning how to live in an often unaccepting heterosexual world. You had the “Gay Advantage.” Our lives as gay men essentially start over twice – when we come out of the closet, and when we reach midlife. What we faced as gay men will influence our midlife journey in distinct and different ways. We found the courage once; we can find it again. Sadly, many of us don’t realize how prepared we are for the midlife journey, and feel we’ve reached the end of the road. We have not. We are stepping into a time of life to tune into our soul spark, to find clarity in our life, and begin expressing the true person we are meant to be. We are connecting with our deepest and most authentic self – finally!
Midlife mastery is about lasting pleasure, deep connection and true fulfillment. It is time to step into yourself and find your purpose instead of living under the influence of society’s norms or parental influence.
I’ve heard the story so many times through the years …. a husband comes out of the closet, only to send his wife into it. Mixed orientation marriages and relationships are far more common than we realize, but our culture still considers them taboo. One spouse is gay or bisexual, one is heterosexual, and the secret finally is released, only to cause anger, hurt, resentment and a flood of negative emotions.
These couples still love each other, which creates even more anxiety and conflict. This truly is a two-person crisis. The wife deserves support, understanding and someone to talk to, but she is so embarrassed and humiliated that she hides from the truth. The husband desperately wants to be set free from his secret, but he doesn’t want to hurt his wife or his family. So, what happens?
The couple can split up and lead two separate lives, or they can begin the journey of relationship transformation as they learn how to deal with their new normal and discover what they really want – together or apart. This Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast digs deeper into what is next – and what is best for these couples living in a mixed orientation marriage.
“Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.”
“Now that we are family, we should be getting along but we aren’t.”
“We are in this for the long haul, but I don’t know if the long haul is worth the struggles we are encountering.”
Approximately 67 percent of what couples argue about never goes away. And the baggage they carry into the marriage never seems to lighten.
A happy and healthy marriage can exist … but it takes work. Just because you checked the “married” box doesn’t mean the honeymoon phase will last forever effortlessly.
Marriage and family are an active living process that continues for a lifetime.
During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Jessica Topor, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health, shares insights about this form of psychotherapy that looks at the behaviors of all family members and the way these behaviors affect each person and their relationships with each other, and the family unit as a whole.
Relationships will grow and change. If couples have a common goal and stay focused on it, their commitment – along with hard work – are the skills needed for building lifelong relationships.
It sounds simple, but it’s the work part that causes the problems, Jessica finds.
Part of her sessions includes a look at the family’s history including siblings. Siblings are the “training wheels” that provide many insights into family dynamics, she finds.
Jessica also talks about the baggage each person carried into the marriage. About 90 percent of it can be discarded, she notes.
And make sure you find couple time every day – even for one hour. This time should not include talking about the kids or your work. And yes, there is plenty to talk about outside these two topics.
Conflict is natural in a divorce, but what happens to the kids in the midst of a brutal divorce battle? Parents are so fixated on “winning” the fight while their children stand on the sidelines confused, frightened and worried. Child-centered mediation can be a win for everyone. A child-centered mediator helps couples develop a collaborative mindset that sets the tone for the rest of the divorce process. Parents meet with the mediator to discuss a tangible, written parenting plan, which is an effective and cost-efficient method of negotiation that can help couples resolve their issues satisfactorily while keeping the needs of the children at the forefront. Do you really want a judge or attorneys deciding when you can see your kids at Christmas or how much time you can spend with them during summer vacation? Jeanette von Grabe, child-centered mediator with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health, discusses the parenting plan process and how it can work for couples uncoupling.
Approximately 56 percent of men “admit” they use makeup. “Admit” is the key word. There seems to be a taboo associated with men’s cosmetics. Like sex, it’s something we don’t talk about it. But it IS time to talk. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, host Joe Kort, PhD, spoke candidly with Jon Shanahan, co-founder of Stryx, a men’s cosmetics company launched two years ago to provide the products men need, but aren’t comfortable saying so. Jon likes to tell everyone that he is straight, married and the father of two children. He immediately wants to announce that men’s cosmetics are for all men because all men need them. The company started when his business partner woke up the morning of his wedding to discover a pimple on his face. His fiancé had spent hundreds of dollars on makeup for that day, but he had nothing to cover up a pimple. Every man has a story like that … the day of a big presentation, a first date … it can throw your game off. The need and desire for men’s cosmetics is on the rise … quietly. If a man has a blemish, he searches his wife’s cosmetic bag for a concealer, or is forced to go to the cosmetics counter at Sephora’s or Macy’s where women shop and men shouldn’t be seen. The cosmetics industry is so heavily marketed to women, but there is no on ramp for men. That’s why Stryx was launched. Men should have a quick and easy fix for a blemish, a shiny forehead or to cover dark circles under their eyes. The goal of Stryx is to destigmatize the shame many men feel about wearing makeup. Men should feel empowered to buy a man’s cosmetics product, not embarrassed. It is time for that complete evolution for men.
Are you afraid to date someone with autism? Do you feel it will be like having sex with a “robot?” Do you think the sex will be bad and passionless, and your needs will not be met?
Think again.
Neurodiverse relationships can, and do, work. Ashley Grubbs, a licensed professional counselor who practices in Colorado, Texas and Virginia, specializes in neurodiverse couples counseling and knows first-hand that these relationships can be everything a partner is looking for. She is happily married to a man on the autism spectrum. Just because the neurodiverse brain works differently, doesn’t mean it is broken, she explains.
The brain processes information differently, which means the person’s view and expectations of sex will be different from their partner’s. Begin the process of understanding how your partner thinks, and what his/her perceptions are regarding sex and intimacy. Start the communication and conversations. Autistic people may have difficulty expressing love or empathy because they are unable to label their emotions and feelings and verbalize them. What comes to us naturally, is not a natural process for them.
On the positive side, the autistic partner is open and honest about what they are thinking. They also are loyal, kind and thoughtful – that is how they love us. They feel so deeply, but they struggle with expressing those feelings – they don’t know how to assign words to their feelings. The ultimate goal is that both people in the relationship will have their sexual needs met. There are barriers to overcome, but once they are resolved, the relationship can be satisfying, pleasurable and fulfilling.
Learn More About Ashley Grubbs: Website | Facebook | Instagram
Anal sex can be erotic, painfree and fun!
Anal sex is disgusting, it’s sinful, it’s wrong, it’s only for gay couples, it’s too painful, it won’t be pleasurable. Many individuals do not think of the anus as an erotic zone, but it can be.
In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mahmoud Baydoun, a Brazilian psychologist, certified sex therapist and online sex educator, talked about anal sex and how it can be erotic, painless and pleasurable for all couples.
Mahmoud, through his thousands of social media communications, finds anal sex is one of the most common subjects people want to know more about. He emphasizes that there should be no guilt, no shame, or no fear of judgment when it comes to choosing anal sex. Your anus is bisexual, he points out, and anal sex has nothing to do with sexual orientation. What we do in bed has nothing to do with our personality, he adds. It is all about how you want to express your sexual needs. You do not need a penis and vagina for stimulation.
The first concern for most couples is pain. Anal sex is not painful and can be pleasurable and erotic if it is performed correctly. There are techniques to practice that will help relax the anus, allowing for a pleasurable experience. Since the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, lubricant is a must. And sex gadgets can be very stimulating, too.
If a couple decides to have anal sex, Mahmoud advises they start slowly with touching and caressing to make sure they are relaxed. The muscle in the anus needs to relax to allow comfortable penetration. Start slowly. Continue communication with your partner and stop immediately if you are finding the experience is painful or uncomfortable.
Anal foreplay and massage also will improve the erotic experience. Massage other areas of the body and work your way to the anus. Avoid tensing the muscles in the anal region. The more excited you are, the more desire you will have and the more relaxed your anus will become, all will allow for more enjoyment.
And remember, anal sex must be consensual.
Anyone can enjoy giving and receiving anal sex – men, women, gay, bisexual, straight. It is up each couple to decide what you want, what you enjoy and if you want to experiment.
LEARN MORE ABOUT MAHMOUD BAYDOUN
It may sound crazy, but gay men are lonely. Most of us think they are happy and lead a life filled with love, but this isn’t even close to the truth. Loneliness in gay men is reaching epidemic proportions.
In this episode entitled “Gay men and loneliness,” host Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, talked with an expert on the subject – Clinton Power – a relationship therapist based in Sydney, Australia, who specializes in couples therapy and relationship challenges. In 2003, he founded Sydney Gay Counselling to support the mental health and wellbeing of LGBTQ singles and couples. From working extensively with same sex couples, Clinton has found that gay men cannot find their niche in the gay community, and those in the community are not making it easy to break down barriers. In fact, this in-group discrimination can be evil and devastating. Gay men need face-to-face socialization, however, the gay packs are hard to penetrate.
Gay men struggle with being included, with penetrating the pack and being accepted. They feel left out because there is no tribe for them. They feel isolated and lonely, and all of these feelings are compounded with mental and physical health issues. Social media as well as the pandemic have intensified the situation.
Traditional gay spaces – bars, nightclubs, bathhouses – have been replaced by social media and hook up apps. These apps fit into their insecurities and do more harm than good. As a result, gay men end up feeling worse about themselves. (At least 70 percent of gay men now use hook up apps like Grindr and Scruff to meet other gay men). Sex is easily available, but connection, companionship, and love are missing. Being pushed away by your own people hurts the worst because you expect them to accept you the most. And so, the life of rejection continues to follow gay men – from pre-coming out to coming out, to trying to find their “tribe.”
This negative culture becomes embedded and the long-term effects of rejection, isolation and loneliness often lead to mental health issues, Clinton is finding. He also urges gay men to begin connecting their loneliness with their childhood experiences as gay. Validating this is an important step toward healing, he finds. Often, gay men choose self-medicating as a way to relieve these feelings. It makes them feel good for a short time, however, once they get past the tipping point, self-medicating can become an addiction. Others may use sex as their self-healing tool of choice and they go from hook up to hook up hoping to feel better. They are seeking intimacy and connection, but they end up feeling empty and worse.
LEARN MORE ABOUT CLINTON POWER
Bad sex can destroy a loving relationship, but good sex cannot save a bad relationship. In this episode, Joe Kort speaks with guest Barry McCarthy, PhD, a clinical psychologist, certified sex therapist and author of 14 books and 100 professional articles on sexuality. The topic: rekindling desire.
Although sex should be a positive experience for couples, it often is not, Barry finds. Conflict, avoidance, lack of spontaneity, and not knowing each other’s expectations or sexual style all contribute to a power struggle that can ruin the sexual experience and the relationship. Sex is not a pass or fail experience, he explains. Men feel they “pass” if they have an erection, and women feel they “pass” if they have an orgasm. If this doesn’t happen, they believe the sexual encounter “failed.”
Too often, they think it is intercourse or nothing. They need to talk openly about sex, what they like, what pleasures them, and learn their sexual style. Shame, embarrassment, resentment and blame should never be on the table. Couples should work together as a team to minimize guilt and maximize intimacy. Be a wise couple, not an emotional couple, he urges. Barry also finds men get too caught up in having an erection. They feel if they don’t have one, they are not good enough. They see sex as power and their penis is their power. They feel it is a measure of their skill as a lover to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse. If this doesn’t happen, they often experience erectile disappointment. This thought process can be destructive for men.
In this podcast, Barry also discusses good enough sex, which replaces the pass/fail perfect intercourse model. Good enough sex affirms the multiple roles, meanings and outcomes of couple sexuality. It emphasizes variable, flexible, positive and realistic sexual responses and expectations. If the encounter does not end in intercourse, instead of panic, anxiety, apology or avoidance, the couple should celebrate the pleasure they experienced.
LEARN MORE ABOUT BARRY MCCARTHY
In this episode, host and certified sex therapist Joe Kort, PhD, talked with Richard Sprott, PhD, about kinky sex and self-exploration. Dr. Sprott is directing a research project that looks at social saturation, the postmodern self, and identity development. He has conducted extensive research on alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships with a special emphasis on kink/BDSM sexuality, and polyamory or consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Sprott finds that the field of kink has really exploded over the past few years as more and more people are exploring it as a way to express their sexuality. Kink is considered the umbrella under which you will find power, internal sensations, sensation play, role play, and exploring your own erotic landscape.
Kink often is thought of as the extreme sport of sex. People do something and push it a little further than they normally would; they are looking for a different kind of intense sensation. In the realm of sexuality, kink and personal growth can be connected, Dr. Sprott has found through his research. Those in kink subcultures are trying to explore their sexuality, which ultimately can lead to their own personal growth. They are learning more about themselves and their relationships, and they are learning to trust another person. As this trust deepens, so too does the understanding of the person they are. KinkT is a very intimate act that requires a lot of trust and a lot of communication. It’s about finding the place where you can surrender to someone else. Some therapists with little or no sex therapy training believe kink is a result of childhood or abuse or trauma, however, research shows no connections between kink and childhood experiences. This is a common myth with no supportive evidence. In fact, he has found “vanilla” sex and kinky sex have a lot of similarities because the people involved want the same experience – arousal and pleasure. Kink and fetish can be a way to explore our gender expression, our gender identity.
LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SPROTT
When originally confronted with the news that her daughter was going to transition, Roz admits she was clueless about what this meant for her child. The word transgender wasn’t even part of her vocabulary. What she did know was this was not a phase. Now, as her son, Hunter was going through something really big that would change the course of his life, and she was going to do everything she could to help him. That’s when Roz started her own research to find resources for Hunter and was approached to share her story.
The floodgates opened. Parents came out of the woodwork to talk; they felt their children were all alone in this journey, and they had nowhere and no one to turn to for advice until Roz unlocked a huge door of opportunities for these kids.
Telling the world you have a different gender identity than the one assigned at birth can seem an impossible task.
In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, talks with Roz Gould Keith about her journey as the parent of a transgender child, which led to the beginnings of Stand with Trans, a federally approved, not-for-profit organization dedicated to developing programs, educational events and support groups to serve transgender youth. As Executive Director and Founder of Stand with Trans, Roz hopes to provide the tools and resources transgender youth need so they will be empowered, supported and validated as they transition to their authentic life.
Just because you are immersed in this life as a transgender parent, doesn’t mean you are knowledgeable, and Roz has been determined to provide education so trans identities are normalized. She also wants to create more positive awareness around transgender youth. Roz reports that the rate of suicide for transgender youth who have no parental support is alarmingly high. It is critical that trans youth have at least one supportive adult in their life. These kids need to be validated, they need to feel loved, they need support and resources. That is why Stand with Trans was established. The organization is an accepting, supportive place for youth and families to connect and learn from each other.
Are you surviving or thriving during this global pandemic? Are you living your best life right now? How are you responding to so many unforeseen changes? During the pandemic, many of us are facing unique challenges that test our resilience. George Khamis, therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, discussed this subject on a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health. Today, stress and anxiety can seem overwhelming and people are struggling to cope, but we can build resilience, we can bounce back, and we can thrive, not merely survive. In this podcast entitled, “Surviving to thriving in a global pandemic: how do you live your best life in this new normal,” George shares some insights and advice to help you take care of yourself and find balance and harmony in your life again. He believes it is time for people to be the author of your own story instead of following the scripts written for you as a child. George is presenting an eight-week webinar that will help participants examine your life, your relationships, your values, and where you are and where you want to be in the midst of this new normal. You will have an opportunity to be the author of your own story.
Sex can, and should, be an access point to an immense internal world. In healing our connections to ourselves and others, we uncover a powerful way of being in our bodies, our relationships, and our lives. Finn Deerhart, sex counselor, coach, Tantra facilitator and public speaker, discussed this subject during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast featuring host Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan.
The challenge today for many individuals is what to do when you notice that your behaviors are not sexually aligning with how you feel inside; your internal life is not matching your external life. As a practitioner with the Queer Couples Center in San Francisco, California, Finn works with individuals and couples, offering coaching and counseling on sex and intimacy, as well as helping queer men find meaning in eroticism to create a sense of loving with other men. The process of unraveling your core identity to rebuild your authentic self can be a struggle, he finds.
Sex and relationships are the lenses through which we all can examine our lives to help guide us into healthy relationships and exciting sex that reflects our own personal quest for wholeness. When it comes to relationships, Finn believes many of us are working against strong conditioning and faulty templates and need help addressing the challenges we face in relationships. As individuals release blame and get really honest with themselves, healing can occur. Transformation requires patience, practice, and a holistic understanding of the individual and relational challenges that you may be facing. As we uncover our personal truths, we also contribute to the collective healing for us all.
In this podcast, Finn also talks about the Elements of Desire; owning your own shadow; affirmative pleasure; and fantasy as the map, not the territory.
Find Finn Deerhart Here:
WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
Recently I’ve been posting videos on TikTok about many different mental and sexual health topics, and the response has been surprisingly overwhelming … unfortunately. I was shocked that some were not listening to my messages; they were shaming me and personally attacking me because I wear a hair piece. This Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast is dedicated to a discussion, not just about men choosing to wear hair pieces, but about the double standards around maintaining and improving your appearance.
Men are attacked, humiliated and emasculated because we want to look attractive, we want to feel sexy, and we want to feel good about ourselves. If wearing a hair piece can do this for some of us, why are others trying to humiliate us and challenge our masculinity? Scott McCarty from Shear Pointe Hair Restoration Center in Birmingham, Michigan, joined me on my podcast to talk about how a hair loss solution truly can change a man’s life; why men deserve to feel attractive too and feel good about themselves. If wearing a hair piece can do this for anyone, why can’t a man take that step to get the results he wants, but a woman can?
For more information about Scott McCarty and his work, please visit his website, shearpointe.com.
Follow Dr. Joe Kort on TikTok here –> https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJW8mUVM/
On this week’s show, Joe is delving into the world of sex tech with his guest, Dr. Holly Richmond.
They chat about how the latest innovations in sex tech are transforming the way we mate, relate, and masturbate. “Sex tech is redefining how we have sex,” says Holly. “It’s not heteronormative penis/vagina sex anymore these days.”
Dr. Holly is a Somatic Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She says Millennials are having less sex than any generation in recorded history and talks about how technology has played a role in this. “The younger generation are making more informed choices with their sex lives. Sex tech is not the great divider!” says Holly. “You can use your tech to enhance your sex life. Be prepared, sex tech is coming, (pun intended!) so have an open mind about it!”
Find Holly at:
www.drhollyrichmond.com. www.next-sex.com.
IG, FB and Twitter: @DrHollyRichmond
Holly’s book: Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide to Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life (published Spring 2021, New Harbinger Publications).
Learn from Holly at:www.modernsextherapyinstitutes.com
Resources Holly mentions in this episode:Dipsea
Exo
Iplaysafe
MySexBio
Coral
Morari Medical
MYHIXEL
Abyss Creations Real Dolls
Dame Products
On this week’s show, Joe is joined by Hayden Dawes, LCSW, LCAS, to talk about racism, self-compassion, and radical permission.
Hayden, who describes himself as a Compassion Warrior, Social Worker, Mental Health & Intersectionality Therapist, believes radical permission is a powerful practice that is life-changing.
His work examines the psychosocial challenges impacting people of color and LGBTQIA+ individuals, and he believes we have to see that race operates and permeates through many of our social systems, often leading Black people to be at a disadvantage. “Racism is such an ordinary thing in America, we often don’t even notice it!” says Hayden.
Hayden and Joe discuss why self-compassion and radical permission is important for all of us. “Self-compassion slows us down,” says Hayden. “It is a better platform for us to do better work. And radical permission is a permission slip to help you move forward.”
For more information about Hayden Dawes and his work, please visit his website, hcdawes.com.
On this episode Joe meets Marriage & Family Therapist, Peter Bippus to talk about survivors of male sexual assault.
Having worked with a host of populations from inmates awaiting trial, to families coming to terms with their transitioning children, to survivors of domestic abuse, Peter is not one to shy away from difficult topics.
He hosts a monthly online group for male survivors of sexual assault where he offers a safe space for its members to share, support and grow.
Talking about male sexual assault is difficult. “Men are not supposed to be the victims,” says Peter. “It’s difficult for men to separate the assault from the assaulter. But it is possible for them to move on with education and a secure place to ask questions.”
You have to delve deep to recover, believes Peter, else “it’s like piloting a plane, without going into the cockpit.”
For more information about Peter Bippus and his work, please visit his website, peterbtherapy.com.
“Pleasure is about the experience of feeling good,” say’s today’s guest, licensed psychotherapist, media personality and author, Shadeen Francis. “Pleasure is hardwired into our nervous system!”
Known for her signature brand of warmth and humor, all of Shadeen’s work is inspired by her commitment to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure. In this episode, Joe and Shadeen discuss the transformative power of pleasure. And how we can increase assets like pleasure in our lives.
Beyond orgasms and sex, Shadeen believes pleasure is a very necessary part of our wellbeing and that we need to make more room for it. “We march for the wage gap,” she says. “but we don’t march for the orgasm gap!”
For more information about Shadeen Francis and her work, please visit her website, shadeenfrancis.com.
On this episode, Joe is talking about somatic psychotherapy and how it relates to sex therapy, with Licensed Master Clinical Social Worker, Charon Normand-Widmer.
Charon practices at The Center for Relationships and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. She specializes in working with individuals seeking support navigating erotic, gender and sexual identity challenges; alternative relationships; and trauma, utilizing a strengths-based, psychodynamic, mindfulness-based approach. Charon uses Somatic therapy seeks to help individuals learn to self-regulate, “I teach clients how to track their own bodies.”
But what is somatic psychotherapy? And how is this therapy helpful for couples and individuals? Charon believes that our bodies hold to the key to our mental sexual stance. “How embodied are you?” she asks. “We withhold things in our physical body. Anxiety is a body memory of a time that we felt useless. You have issues in your tissues. So, asking yourself how ‘IN’ body you are, helps those issues in the tissues!”
On today’s show, Joe is joined by certified AASECT sexuality educator, presenter and author, Brian McNaught, to chat about Intimacy and LGBTQ older adults.
Forty percent of Americans age 65 to 80 are sexually active. Before the COVID containment, sexually transmitted infections were on the rise in nursing homes. Even if they’re unable to perform sexually, most older people never lose their desire for intimacy, in whatever form it might take. “Regardless of how their bodies look on the outside, inside they feel young and want intimacy,” says Brian.
Named “the godfather of gay diversity training” by The New York Times, Brian McNaught is considered one of the world’s leading corporate diversity consultants dealing with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer issues in the workplace. He is also the author of seven books on LGBT issues.
When services are created for LGBTQ older adults, we think about their physical and emotional health. Does it occur to us, though, that maybe we’re failing to address a most important component of senior’s emotional health, the need to feel intimacy?
“Before you help an older person out the door, let’s help someone through their door,” says Brian. “Give them their moment of bliss!”
Find Brian at:
https://www.brian-mcnaught.com/
On this episode, Joe is talking about ‘Side Guys’ – Gay Men Who Enjoy Sex Without Anal Penetration with YouTuber, LGBTQ+ activist, and writer, Bradley Birkholz and Latino nurse practitioner, Jason Villarreal.
Gay men are constantly referring to and defining themselves as “tops”, “bottoms”, “Verse”, Top Verse, Bottom Verse”. When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy what he is, as it relates to anal sex.
Gay men are rigidly defined by penetrative sex. There’s so much talk and discussion about who gives and who receives. I’ve had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some do, but some don’t. But what if a guy isn’t a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever? What if they tried it and didn’t enjoy it and never do it again?
Joe thinks they deserve a name of their own. He coined the phrase, “sides.” As Bradley says, “Love and intimacy can exist without the lens of penetration.”
Sides typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame. They secretly believe that they should be engaging in and enjoying anal sex, and that something must be wrong with them if they are not.
It’s high time for sides to come out and feel proud and secure about their sexuality. As Jason says, “The more visibility there is for sides, the better.”
Find Bradley at:
YouTube: https://youtube.com/bradleybirkholz
Social media: @bradleybirkholz
Website: https://bradleybirkholz.com
Find Jason at:
https://www.facebook.com/jason.villarrealfrias
For more on Side Guys, read Joe’s article here:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-on-the-side-looking-beyond-gay-tops-and-bottoms_b_3082484
And join Joe’s Side Guys Group here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/sideguys
“There’s no such thing as an eroticectomy! People want to be sexual, but they don’t want to feel shame about it,” says this week’s guest, Michael Vigorito. “So, we (therapists) are not un-wiring the sexual gas pedal with our clients. We are working on how to manage it.”
On this episode, Joe chats about the out-of-control sexual behavior model, with licensed marriage and sex therapist, Michael Vigorito – Co-author of ‘Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior – Rethinking Sex Addiction.’
The truth is, that in trainings for sex addiction treatment, there lacks a mandatory sexual health and sex therapy component. Without a sexually informed model, it is easy for therapists to pathologize sexual behaviors and not provide effective treatment. The term ‘sex addiction’ is thrown around like confetti, and that needs to stop!
“We need to walk through these moments of being ‘ping-ed’ by your desire,” says Michael, and not stand in judgement of one’s sexual problematic behavior.
Find Michael at:
http://michaelvigorito.com
And, his book, at: http://michaelvigorito.com/book
Today’s episode is a topic very personal to Joe and close to his heart: Online Romance Scamming.
Millions of people turn to online dating apps or social networking sites to meet someone. But instead of finding romance, many find a scammer trying to trick them into sending money. And Joe knows exactly how that feels, because he too is a victim of romance fraud hell!
About 10 years ago, Joe got a very curious message.
It was from a woman who said she was in love with a person who had been using photographs Joe had posted over the years of himself and his nephews and nieces (who were minors at the time). Although they gave a different name, they were using Joe’s images in an effort to scam their way into people’s hearts. “Would you be willing to talk to me?” this woman asked. She wanted to process what had happened to her and felt a connection to him since all of the pictures of Joe were stolen from his social media accounts. Joe said he was a therapist, a happily married gay man, and would be willing to speak with her in the context of a consultation. Beyond that, she should report this scam to Facebook.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time this happened. Since then Joe has been the unwitting victim of more than 100 romance identity scams!
He turned to ScamHaters United for help. And his guest today is Ruth Grover, founder of ScamHaters.
Ruth is a widow from the UK, who was a victim of online romance fraud herself, which led her to set up ScamHaters and expose these vile fraudsters. She has supported thousands of scam victims over the past eight years.
Last year, people reported losing $201 million to romance scams. People reported losing more money to romance scams in the past two years than to any other fraud reported to the FTC!
Romance scammers are cruel. For the women, the victims and the men used like Joe. Cruel especially because victims like Joe, have no choice in being used and we can do little about it….
For more on why it’s easy to be exploited when we’re lonely, read Joe’s article here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/202010/scammed-when-online-romance-is-fake
If you need help with an online romance fraud, find Ruth at: https://www.instagram.com/scamhaters.united/ & https://www.scamhatersunited.com/
On this episode Joe is chatting about Infidelity with licensed marriage & family therapist, and certified sex therapist, Renelle E Nelson.
Relationships are sometimes complicated and finding out your partner is cheating on you can be devastating. It can feel like the relationship is over and nothing can be done to save it. The truth is, current studies show that recovery from infidelity can happen successfully, and your relationship will be better than ever on the other side.
Renelle, who works in Arizona, is an infidelity/intimacy recovery strategist, and believes we need to take responsibility for our feelings. “Often we want the person that hurt us, to heal us,” she says. “But you’re hiding in your righteousness. Couples don’t grow apart, they stop communicating. You can’t assume monogamy. Couples need to discuss what they want in their relationship, because infidelity breeds in darkness. Cheating is a choice. Never assume. Discuss!”
So, how do you deal with, and recover from infidelity? Let’s find out….
Find Renelle at:Instagram | Affair Aftercare Instagram | Website
October is National Kink Month and on this episode, Joe is joined by San Francisco Bay sex therapist, TASHRA Exec Director, and published researcher, Dr. Anna Randall, to chat about all things kink.
Anna thinks we are far more sexually explorative than we’d often like to admit, and that you are not alone, or ‘weird,’ if you want to have a kinky relationship! “You can’t pull the kink out of a person,” says Anna.
People with kinky fantasies often feel highly stigmatized too. So, Joe and Anna delve into why it is so hard for some people to share their kinky side…
Find Dr. Randall at:
Website | Facebook
On this first episode of Season Two,Joe is joined by psychotherapist and author, Dr. Hani Miletski.
Hani is located in Bethesda, Maryland, with her private practice. She has trained and supervised therapists and professionals in the field of human sexuality throughout the world. Plus, she is the author of two books, including the clinically revered, Mother-Son Incest: The Unthinkable Broken Taboo Persists. On this show, Joe and Hani discuss one of the most taboo sexual subjects out there; mother-son incest.
As Joe says, “When a man sexually abuses it’s more overt. But when a woman does it, particularly a mother, it’s more covert.” Hani agrees, and goes on to point out that most mother-son incest perpetrators tend to be, “very needy women.” Despite society’s denial of it, mother-son incest does happen, but most people don’t want to think about it, talk about it, or do anything about it. Let’s find out why….
Find Dr. Hani Miletski at:
www.DrMiletski.com
Mother-Son Incest: The Unthinkable Broken Taboo Persists is available in soft cover and as an e-book at: www.DrMiletski.com
On this episode, Joe’s chatting about multicultural and cross-cultural relationship and sex therapy, with Dr. Leyla Gulcur.
Leyla is a licensed psychologist trained in the United States and provides multicultural sex and relationship therapy to culturally diverse clients around the globe. She has lived, worked, and traveled extensively in North America, Europe, the Middle East, North Africa and South Asia. Leyla is originally from Turkey and conducts sessions in both English and Turkish.
In addition to her clinical practice, Leyla has worked to strengthen sexual rights worldwide, particularly in Asia and the Middle East. She is the co-founder of the Turkish NGO Women for Women’s Human Rights. Leyla believes therapists need to be explicit about the role their own cultural background plays in the therapy they give. “Therapists really need to be explicit about that,” says Leyla, “Otherwise it can prevent you serving your client well.”
Find Leyla at:
Website
This week Joe’s guest is Kate Anthony. Kate is the host of the critically acclaimed podcast ‘The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast,’ and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience and deep self-work. She’s widely known as an expert in co-parenting and divorce.
Based in Los Angeles, Kate talks about saving or splitting from your relationship and asking yourself the hardest question of all, ‘should I stay, or should I go?’ “People often make the mistake of thinking one unhappy home is better for their kids than two separate homes,” says Kate. “But it’s better to have your children in a happy environment 50 percent of the time, than be in a toxic home 100 percent of their time. You have to ask yourself, ‘Do I want to put my kids in the middle of my divorce, or at the center of it?’ If you take your ego out of your split and remove your desire to ‘win’, you can break up much more successfully!” In other words, it’s the difference between putting your child in the middle of your power struggle or protecting them.
Find Kate at:
Website | Instagram
On this episode, Joe is joined by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Eleni Economides.
Eleni is located in Rochester NY where her work focuses on helping her clients address concerns around sexuality and relationships. On this show, Joe and Eleni discuss how best to talk to your teenagers about masturbation.
As Eleni says, masturbation is a healthy milestone for our teens and is a very normal part of our sexual development. Teaching them to do it right (as an act of self-love, body awareness and self-soothing) is a gift that will serve them for life. “Don’t underestimate your influence as a parent on your teenager,” says Eleni. “Yes, masturbation is a difficult subject to talk to your kids about. But, be brave and guide them!”
Find Eleni Economides at:
Website
Today Joe is joined by Sex Coach and host of, ‘The Sex And…’ podcast, Meagan Narvaez and they’re chatting about how to connect to our body’s wants and needs, in order to stay more present during sex, whether solo or with partner(s). Meagan is a queer Latinex therapeutic sex and relationship coach, currently living in Atlanta, Georgia. She helps clients explore their sexual and mental blocks, so they can have fulfilling, orgasmic, thrilling, and gratifying sex.
“Sex is a skill set,” says Meagan, “And most of us have many obstacles that prevent us from tapping into those skills. I help people take control of their sex lives.” Joe and Meagan talk about how mindful sex can help you be more satisfied in bed, plus, and more importantly, love yourself more wholeheartedly. This episode is all about sex positivity!
Find Meagan Narvaez at:
Website | Podcast | Facebook
This week, Joe is joined by Certified Sex Therapist, Cathy Saputo, from Saputo Counseling Services, and they’re chatting about perimenopause, menopause, relationships and sexual intimacy.
Cathy wants people to know that perimenopause and menopause, does not have to be a negative experience. Sure, it can be challenging, especially when we are not informed, but it can bemanaged! We need to make it less of a taboo subject and more of a health conversation.
Cathy aims to normalize this change of life and talk openly about it! She says this part of a woman’s growth can be sexually satisfying and does not need to be feared. Joe and Cathy talk about what ‘midlife crisis’ can mean to both women, and their partners, how to still be sexually active with the best lubes out there, and everything in-between!This episode is sponsored by
LetsGetChecked – a fast, affordable, and always confidential, at-home male hormone test kit. New LetsGetChecked customers get 20% off by using our special discount code JOE20 at checkout. Go to: www.trylgc.com/joe
Find Cathy Saputo at:
Website | Facebook
This week, Joe’s guests are co-hosts Chelsie & Staci from the comedy lifestyle podcast, “Reasons Why I’m Single” – a hilarious show revealing the struggles two 30 something Metro Detroiters have dating.
These girls pride themselves on being open books! ‘Reasons Why I’m Single’ discusses the ups and downs (hint: mostly “downs”) and mayhem that ensues in the world of dating today. The girls join Joe to talk all things, ‘Relationship Killers,’ – what to look out for, how to navigate the bad stuff, and how to deal with baggage from previous relationship experiences, to be able to move on in love. As Chelsie says, “You don’t want your relationship to feel like a job! You need to find a partner that helps you put on your clothes after sex, as well as taking them off you beforehand!”
The girls believe that, in the long run, trust and communication with your partner will be more successful, than a bunch of luggage from failed matches. Plus, they advise dating with RuPaul’s words firmly at the forefront of your mind, “If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love anyone else?!”
Find Chelsie & Staci at:
Podcast | Facebook
This week, Joe’s guest is host of the ‘Thirty, Flirty and Thriving’ Podcast, Amber Boone.
Last year, Amber, along with her business partner, hosted the first ever ‘9 to Thrive’ women’s empowerment conference in downtown Detroit. She is a frequent speaker at industry events and has a lot to say on the use of social media, especially dating apps and what realromance is like today. “Instead of looking to find the right partner, become the right partner yourself!” says Amber. “Your self-care comes first.”
Amber spills the beans about modern dating expectations and how to navigate them. Plus, we chat about the differences between dating in your 20s versus your 30s. Amber’s top dating tip? “Have a wise counsel around you – it really, really helps!”
Find Amber Boone at:
Website | Podcast | Facebook
On this episode, Joe explores how to prioritize self-care time as a parent, with his guest, Dr. Megan Fleming. Dr Megan is a nationally recognized, certified sex & relationships expert, with over 20 years experience with individuals and couples, teaching them skills and strategies to get the sex & relationships they really want. As the resident sex expert on the ‘Girl Boner’ podcast, Dr. Fleming believes coming into our sexual being, is what allows us to thrive and feel fully alive. She says, “Sexuality is vitality!”
But, finding time for self-care and sex as a parent, is tough. Even more so now, during Covid-19. “Self-care is challenging under the best of times,” says Dr. Fleming. “Today, (with quarantine) we are in unprecedented times. The first thing people should do is give themselves a big pat on the back!” She goes on to say, “There’s a reason they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first on an airplane – when we take time for our own self-care, we actually have more to give!”
Find Dr. Fleming at:
Website | Podcast | Facebook
This week Joe meets Dr. Lee Phillips. Dr. Phillips is in private practice in Washington, DC where he treats clients with chronic illness and sexual dysfunction. Author of the book, ‘Sex & Love When You Are Sick?’, Lee, anAASECT Certified Sex Therapist, also lectures on topics including sexuality, anxiety & stress management, caregiving stress, depression in the elderly, mindfulness and cognitive strategies for chronic pain.
Dr Phillips wants to crush the myth that people with chronic illness and other disabilities are not sexual. Also, today, during Covid-19 many are dealing with anticipatory grief as well, and that plays into our sex lives too. “People are very scared about what the future holds,” says Dr. Phillips. “Right now as a world, we’re in fear about what’s going to happen to us, and that can also make having a sex life difficult.”
But, despite this, Lee believes that couples can overcome shame, and sexual limitations caused by illness, (or Covid fear) to reclaim a sex life that works for them!
Find Dr. Phillips at:
Website | Facebook
On this episode, Joe is joined by world renowned expert, New York times bestselling author and one of the nation’s leading authorities in the field of female sexual health, Dr. Jennifer Berman. Jennifer and Joe discuss female urology and sexual health. Dr Berman believes that sexual health for women is a critical component of good general health. As one of only a few female urologists in the United States, she’s considered America’s leading expert on women’s sexual health issues.
Dr. Berman says sexual health issues are often sensitive topics for people to discuss and most people don’t realize that there’s a world of help available to them. “Women are much more complicated and multifaceted than men,” says Dr. Berman. “When it comes to sex, when sexual issues crop up, it’s almost like death, like an aspect of you dies. There’s a lot of shame and a lot of guilt. When women do eventually seek sexual health help, it’s like a seed of hope is planted.”
Find Dr. Berman at:
Website | Facebook | Youtube
This week Joe‘s guest is Clinical Social Worker, Therapist & host of the ‘Liz Life Guru’ podcast, Liz Reed. Liz joins Joe to talk all things Toxic Relationships & How to Avoid Toxic Love.
“You deserve to be happy,” says Liz. “In order to make that happen you have to choose a good tribe!” Liz, a psychotherapist with a passion for helping people change their lives, specializes in anxiety, depression, addiction, as well as family issues. “Often, we think that since we share a bond with family, a DNA with them, that they are the people that we need to be with, no matter what they say or do to us, or how they make us feel. That just simply isn’t true. You can find a fabulous family, a fabulous tribe of people from perfect strangers as long as you are looking for the right people, says Liz. “Toxic people in our lives are energy vampires! They destroy our energy. They’re abusive, unsupportive, unhealthy and emotionally negative to us. And we just really don’t realize the damage they’re doing. We think that’s my mom, my dad, my brother or sister, a good friend of 40 years and I should be able to look past that, and just accept them, because that’s what society says. That simply isn’t true!”
Find Liz at:
Podcast
This week Joe’s guest is the founder ofIT in the D & Podcast Detroit, David Phillips. Dave joins Joe to talk all things Toxic Masculinity. “Many, many guys are notcavemen!” says Dave. Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood. It’s the cultural idea of manliness, where strength is everything, while emotions are a weakness. “As a guy, you’re seen as weak if you go see a therapist,” says Dave. “Men are told they shouldn’t express emotion or admit they feel vulnerable. That’s so wrong! You gotta be the guy friend who’s willing to speak up to kick toxic masculinity.”
Find Dave at:
IT In the D | Podcast Detroit
This week, Joe’s guest is Skip McClatchey. Skip works for Wayne State University’s Adult HIV/AIDS program and is on the show to discuss how HIV stigma is unwarranted, and helps nobody. Skip began his HIV work as a volunteer with the Wellness project in Ferndale, Michigan, back in the early 90s during the peak rise of incidences.
“It’s not people that are problematic,” says Skip. “It’s the behaviors! HIV is a disease that anybody that has ever had unprotected sex is at risk for.” Skip believes HIV is very treatable, regardless of income or insurance status in Michigan. “Everybody needs to be tested. If infected, get treatment, if unaffected, prevention is available. Too many people equate sexuality with intimacy. I say, ‘safer sex’ not, ‘safe sex!’”
Covid-19 has given us all cause for concern. This pandemic unfolding all over the world can be stressful for so many people. Fear, anxiety and being told to, “socially distance’ yourself can be overwhelming and very scary. On this special episode, Kim Stephens, who is at the frontlines of Covid & stress management for her physicians as a Registered Nurse & Director of Clinical Operations for a Third Gen Health Group in Michigan, joins me to talk about non-panic ways we can respond to the Coronavirus.
Plus, why “physical distancing” is a better term than “social distancing.” We have to stay socially connected through this. Community building, togetherness and emotional connections via electronic devices is imperative for our mental health!
Learn more about the signs and what you should do if you believe you may have Covid-19 at the CDC website, HERE
Telehealth is available through our office at CRSH.com. Call us to learn more 248-399-7447
On this episode, Joe’s guest is Mistress Lexi – a popular domme in the adult fetish scene right now. Joe and Lexi go right under the covers of her world, talking about the nitty gritty of working in the online kink industry. They chat about Sissification, Cock & Ball Torture, Findom, Hypnosis, and Chastity. Plus, how exactly did Lexi, known as, ‘Domme of the Dead’, become involved in this scene, and what drives her customers to hand over their cash to dommes?
“People come to me online because they need an outlet,” says Lexi. “They don’t have their needs covered in their vanilla life. You can’t walk around in society seeking extreme domination – you need a safe community to go play. That’s what I and others like me provide. A safe outlet for kinks.”
Connect with Mistress Lexi:
Twitter
On this week’s episode, Joe chats about Sex & Faith with Licensed Clinical Social Worker, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and author, Rachel Keller. Rachel grew up in the conservative Christian church and experienced both the positives and negatives of that culture. Today, she is passionate about helping others find sexual freedom, a sex positive Christianity, wholeness and empowerment. So passionate about sex and faith, she has co-authored a book called, Advancing Sexual Health for the Christian Client: Data and Dogma.
Rachel asks, “Why would God create our bodies with so many pleasure nerve endings if He/She didn’t want us to use them?”
Connect with Rachel Keller:
Website
On this episode Joe chats about Erotic Empathy with psychotherapist and founder for the Center for Erotic Empathy, Amanda Luterman. Amanda, who works in private practice in Montreal, Canada, believes eroticism within a couple’s relationship is very important. Her clinical work focuses on prioritizing a couple’s connection with empathy; an approach and skill set she has developed called, ‘Erotic Empathy.’
“You need to accept your partner can view you in a light that you may not see yourself,” says Amanda. “We need to validate and include the unique experience of the person that is right in front of you and be more present for sex. Then you can more easily be your authentic sexual selves.”
Check out Amanda’s workshop on Erotic Empathy on the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes Website HERE!
Connect with Amanda Luterman:
Website | Workshop | Facebook
This week Joe welcomes Dr. Mimi Hoang onto the show. Mimi is a nationally-recognized psychologist, educator, author, and activist specializing in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, LGBTQ+ and Asian Pacific Islander communities.
They talk about bisexuality, pansexuality, asexuality and sexual fluidity; the myths, the definitions, the disparities and the ways to become more bi-affirmative.
Dr. Mimi’s steadfast leadership has earned her multiple awards, and she’s been named ‘One of the Most Significant Women in the Bisexual Movement.’ She currently works at Loyola Marymount University, LA, and is the creator of the ‘Bi on Life’ self-empowerment series. “People have very different ways to define themselves these days,” says Mimi.
Connect with Dr. Mimi Hoang:
Website | Facebook
This week Joe meets Mark Sing, a world-renowned dating coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner. Mark and Joe chat about the latest crazy dating trends, such as ‘Fleabagging’ and White-Clawing,’ plus, they explore why it is that some men just aren’t having any successful dates. “Women are designed to weed out self-depreciation,” says Mark. “I’m here to re-program that out of men.” He believes that some men aren’t getting favorable dates because of what’s going on inside their heads, “I aim to rewire their brains so that they can be a GO-GIVER on the dating scene!”
Connect with Mark Sing:
Podcast | Website
On this episode Joe tackles the tricky subject of sex after cancer with Dr. Stephanie Buehler. There’s no way around it, having cancer sucks, but, Stephanie, a licensed psychologist and AASECT– certified sex therapist, believes that although talking sex and cancer in the same breath is awkward, we must remember that still being able to have a sex life is very important to cancer survivors. “One’s sexual script may have changed since having cancer,” says Stephanie. “But, human beings are very inventive, and if you can change the way you think about sex and go back to basics, beginning slowly with non-demand touch, you can successfully reset your sex life.”
Connect with Dr. Stephanie Buehler:
Website | Twitter
On this week’s episode, Joe chats about Social Justice Education with Bianca I Laureano. Bianca is an award-winning educator, curriculum writer, and sexologist. She is a founding member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN) and The LatiNegrxs Project.
Together, they discuss why racial justice is an important topic in the sexuality field, and why intersectionality is so important for us to understand. “It’s not about being right, it’s about being understood,” says Bianca.
Connect with Bianca I Laureano:
Website | Facebook
On this week’s episode, Joe chats about Social Justice Education with Bianca I Laureano. Bianca is an award-winning educator, curriculum writer, and sexologist. She is a founding member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN) and The LatiNegrxs Project.
Together, they discuss why racial justice is an important topic in the sexuality field, and why intersectionality is so important for us to understand. “It’s not about being right, it’s about being understood,” says Bianca.
Connect with Bianca I Laureano:
Website | Facebook
This week Joe discusses the controversial world of Reparative Therapy, which is sexual conversion attempts to turn people from gay to straight. His guest is Larry Jamison, a writer, educator and activist, who has spent ten years exploring ex-gay ministry and reparative therapy. Larry wants people to understand why someone might choose to do sexual conversion therapy and that it’s not about ‘crazy’ people, but very vulnerable people trying to get help. “There’s nothing good about going to war with your sexuality,” says Larry.
Connect with L.A. Jamison:
Website
For those who don’t know, Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man by penetrating his anus with a strap-on dildo. It’s anal sex reversed. My guest this week is Ruby Ryder of PeggingParadise.com and Pegging101.com. Ruby is a podcaster, blogger, sex educator and a published writer of erotic fiction who wants to normalize the concept of pegging. “I’m a shamebuster!” she says. “Society doesn’t let men be vulnerable, always putting guys in the ‘man box’. Pegging allows a man to explore their vulnerability, and I’m the fairy godmother of strap-on f***ing!”
Connect with Ruby Ryder:
Website | Twitter
This week Joe chats with psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist, Silva Neves. Together they explore how therapists help clients recover from the trauma of sex addiction treatments. Silva, who works in his private clinic in Central London, UK, believes the ‘traditional’ sex addiction therapy model should be banned. ”Sex addiction therapy is so harmful,” he says. ”It’s a modern day version of conversion therapy for one’s erotic interest, and a ‘one size fits all’ treatment doesn’t fit at all!”
Silva tells us about alternative treatments for compulsive sexual behaviors that, in his view, are far more effective than ‘traditional’ sex addiction therapies.
Want to read more on this topic, read Dr. Kort’s article entitled: “Recovering from Sex Addiction Treatment” on PsychologyToday.com.
Connect with Silva Neves:
Website | Twitter
Did you know that Online Findom is when a submissive person feels aroused as he opens his wallet to his Dom? Listen here to Part Two of Joe’s chat with Findom Master Judas and Findom Dom Jess as they discuss what it’s really like having a submissive spin the ‘Cash Wheel’. “To a degree, I would consider myself a sex worker,” says Judas. “Even if there is no sex involved. Everything I do is consensual, even if I rape their wallets.”
Want to read more on the topic? Check out my article on Psychology Today: http://bit.ly/2MIsw8E
This week Joe explores Online Findom. There’s so much to say about consensual human ATM kink transactions, that we have a two-part special on this subject. In this show, Part One, we chat to Judas, AKA ‘Demon Daddy’ from Portugal, who explains that in prostitution, money is for sex. In Findom, money IS the sex! And Judas has found there to be no end of people who long to be dominated, humiliated and relieved of their cash for sexual kicks….
Want to read more on the topic? Check out my article on Psychology Today: http://bit.ly/2MIsw8E
This week’s show is about Asexuality. Did you know only about one percent of the population identifies as asexual? My guest, Jared Boot, explains what an isolating experience this can be. Jared, a doctoral student in clinical psychology at the Michigan School of Psychology, has a passion for asexual inclusion, diversity and equity. “How people talked about homophobia in the sixties, is how people talk about asexuality today,” says Jared. He believes it needs to be more in today’s public consciousness, and he’s here to chat about how we can make that change.
Connect with Jared Boot:
Website
This week we talk all things Kink with my guest, sex therapist Dr. Neil Cannon. Neil has been researching, writing about and treating members of the kink community for nearly fifteen years. He believes kink is nothing to feel any shame about. “In sex therapy all roads lead to shame, but clinicians should be there to help clients create a clear understanding of their sexual desires, without shame, says Neil. “We need to give people permission to be themselves sexually – that’s what most people want. To be free!”
Connect with Dr. Neil Cannon:
Website
This week’s guest and I chat about navigating sex after losing your beloved, and about sex as an older person. In the studio with me is Joan Price. Joancalls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. “Desire and Sexuality is ageless,” says Joan. “It just changes over time.” Author of four books about sex and aging, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved, seventy-six-year-old Joan wants to talk out loud about senior sex!
Connect with Joan Price:
Website | Facebook
This week’s guest on Smart Love, Smart Sex is bestselling author, podcaster and Certified Divorce & Relationship Coach, Jennifer Hurvitz. Host of the popular, ‘Doing Divorce Right’ podcast, Jennifer (divorced for five years) thinks couples should try super hard to make their marriage work if kids are involved. “Being in love is a choice, not a feeling,” she says. “You choose to show up for that person!” Jennifer says that after her divorce, she was “surprised” that while she doesn’t miss her “Was-bund,” she does miss her family being together more than she thought she would.
She believes that to make a marriage work you have to, “put your ego aside and your kids first!” Hear Joe and Jennifer discuss what a divorce can really look like, and, if your marriage is truly over, how to navigate back into the world of dating.
Connect with Jennifer Hurvitz :
Website | Facebook
Why is the black penis more imagined than seen on screen? And, how do we dispel the stigmas about black versus white penis size? These are some of the subjects this week’s podcast delves into. Joe’s guest is Detroiter, Raquelle ‘Rocki‘ Harris – host and producer of Rocki’s Reality Podcast on Motor City Woman Radio. Together they chat all things sex and interracial relationships. “I want to remove the taboo of talking openly about race and sex,” says Rocki.
Connect with Raquelle ‘Rocki ‘ Harris :
Website | Facebook
Men are increasingly concerned about their body ideals, and yet, society generally minimizes these concerns or doesn’t acknowledge them.
We have a society of men who feel unable to speak up about these concerns and often sit with it, which causes them to have emotional distress which can result in depression, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and health issues related to excessive exercise and rigid food consumption. Listen as Joe and Pennsylvanian therapist Chris Wilson, chat about the emotional distress men can experience with the pressures on them to have the ‘perfect’ body, and how social media and celebrities play their part in men’s body image dysmorphia. For men’s mental health, “we need to break this code of silence men have on talking about their bodies,” says Chris.
Connect with Dr. Wilson:
Website
Our sex stories are one of the most important stories one needs to be clear about,” says this week’s guest, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers. Clinical Sexologist, Tina, believes that our sex history is not a cohesive narrative in most of us, but it needs to be to lead a sex life that is free of shame. Hear Joe and Tina discuss how religious sexual shame is the earliest and greatest form of shame, affecting a person’s core belief in their worthiness to be accepted by those who mean the most to them. And how sex and bias education is what equips us to stand up to sexual shame.
Connect with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers:
Website | Facebook
This week Joe meets Jess, a twenty-something woman, who has a lot to say on the subject of enjoying sex without penetration. This episode, all about sex on the side, pegging and anal sex, deals with the subject of what counts as sex with your partner. Does it have to be penetrative to be sex? Do you have to be a top, or a bottom? If you’re a ‘side,’ is it still sex? What if you just like pegging? As Jess says, “If you have an orgasm, it’s sex!”
“When you’re born in the wrong gender, your gender changes, not necessarily your sexuality,” says this week’s guest, transgender activist, Jacob Rostovsky. Jacob, who came out at 13 years old as trans, has been fighting for transgender rights, acceptance and access to affirmative care ever since. Jacob believes there is no one way to be trans, especially when it comes to exploring someone’s transgender and sexual identity. Hear Joe and Jacob talk about trans sex and sexuality – it’s less complicated than you think, and why gender expression is what you go to bed wearing, rather than who you are with.”
Find Jacob Rostovsky on:
Website | Facebook
“The language kids use these days about sexuality can be exhausting,” says this week’s guest, Jo Langford. “We often have to coax out the meat of what kids are saying, because the landscape of sexuality language and what words mean to them, is changing very fast all the time.” On this episode Joe chats to Jo Langford – therapist, author and sex educator for tweens, teens and parents. His newest book, The Pride Guide, is a guide to sexual and social development, safety and health for queer youth and their families. Jo and Joe talk all things around gender diversity and the needs of trans and non-confirming youth. “We need kids to see they’re represented in the therapists office,” says Jo.
Find Jo Langford on:
Website | Facebook | Twitter
Jane, Jared and Nick join Joe for this special episode to chat all things ‘Coming Out.’ Three different guests, all with different experiences of coming out, talk about the highs of finally being able to live their lives authentically, and the lows of the effect coming out had on their families. Each guest has been on a winding journey of self-acceptance to get to where they are today – Jane happily engaged to her fiancée, Jare, who self-identifies as bisexual, firstly coming out as gay, then coming out a second time as demisexual, and Nick, who was born female-bodied, then medically diagnosed as Intersex, and now following a few gender confirmation surgeries, living life as a man. Joe explores their personal stories, and asks, “What was coming out like for you?”
“It was more or less common before the 1970s for gay men not to come out to their families,” says this episode’s guest, 81-year-old, author, Jim Gerardi. “If your family knew you were gay, back then, no one said anything and that could go on like that for years!” On this special episode in honor of national Coming Out Day, Joe chats to Jim about his coming out story. Jim tells Joe how he didn’t come out to his parents until he was 39-years-old. What has gay life been like for Jim? What changes has he seen in the community? Jim and Joe chat about all of that, plus what led Jim to write his book, ‘Jerome’, a searing story of two teenage boys and a girl seeking their sexual identities in the 1950s…
Find James Gerardi on:
Facebook | Amazon
This week’s show addresses the importance of training therapists beyond cultural competency. Just learning the right pronouns is not enough! On this episode, Joe chats to Dominic Davies, a psychotherapist and clinical sexologist in the UK, who has become what some call, the Father of Queer Therapy in England. Dominic and Joe talk about the differences between diversity in the USA and the UK. Plus, why we all need well-trained therapists who truly understand the impact of minority stress towards groups such as LGBTQ and GRSD people. How can we, as therapists, build resilience for them?
Find Dominic Davies on:
Website | Twitter
This week’s guest on Smart Sex, Smart Love is Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Rachel Needle. Together, she and Joe Kort talk about why it is so important for therapists to talk about sex when working with individuals or couples, how our biggest sex organ is our brain, how sex is good for you, and, what couples can do to keep the passion alive in their relationship! Physical intimacy is extremely important in a relationship and it’s good for you! Joe and Rachel get down to the nitty gritty of exactly why sex is good for your health. Plus, they talk Modern Sex Therapy Institutes and the courses and certifications they offer:
- https://modernsextherapyinstitutes.com/product/lgbtqia-affirmative-certification
- https://modernsextherapyinstitutes.com/product/certification-in-couples-and-sex-therapy
- https://modernsextherapyinstitutes.com/sex-therapy-certification
Find Rachel Needle on:
Website | Facebook
Sometimes there’s just so much to say on a topic, that’s it’s hard to cram it all into one episode. That’s certainly the case with this week’s guest, sex-positive advocate, Trey Lyon. Founder of Fuck Yeah! Friendly Fire – a leading-edge blog source for heteroflexible pornography, Trey’s amassed a quarter of a million followers on his journey towards the de-stigmatization of integrating pornography fully into one’s sexuality. Listen as Joe and Trey delve deeper into what fluid sexuality looks like, and how one can find a life of peaceful sexual self-acceptance, despite what society might balk at. They also chat about males who are heteroflexible and able to be sexual with other men. “Just because someone watches porn regularly, it doesn’t make them an ‘addict,’” says Trey.
Find Trey Lyon on:
Website | Twitter
My guest this week believes black culture and sex and sexuality is a people issue, rather than a race issue. Dr. James Wadley, is an Associate Professor and Chair of the Counseling and Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He is also the founder and editor-In-chief of the Journal of Black Sexuality and Relationships. An expert on sexual diversity and race, James chats to Joe about his mission to bring openness and community to those from all walks of life. Especially those that might have otherwise shied away from getting sexual health help for themselves or their families. Listen to Joe ask, why minority groups tend not to seek out professional help for their sexual issues…
Find James Wadley on:
Facebook | Website
“If you’re not comfortable to ask your partner during sex, “How are you doing? Is what I’m doing OK with you?,” then you’re not ready to have sex!” says this week’s guest, Dr. Laura McGuire. On this episode, Joe chats to Laura McGuire – a nationally recognized sexologist and consultant. Laura’s worked as an instructor, presenter, educator and trainer on topics including, Consent education and Sexual Harassment Prevention. Laura and Joe talk all things consent and the #metoo movement and Laura gives advice on what you should be asking before you hop between the sheets with someone. “You need to have conversations with each other ahead of sex, rather than in the moment when it can be manipulative or make you feel vulnerable,” says Laura.
Find Laura McGuire on:
Facebook | Website
There’s been a lot of noise in the media about porn use, with many doomsayers claiming that it triggers dangerous neurochemical changes in the brain. However, newer research says that just isn’t so. This week Joe talks with American neuroscientist, Nikki Prause, who thinks that porn and sex are totally different in the brain. Hear Nikki explain how her brain research debunks the myth that you can have an addiction to sex or porn. Brain science is hot these days, so listen to Nikki and Joe talk about how rigorous studies have not found sex addiction to be a real dependency, or reflective of any brain-related compulsion issues at all …
Find Nikki Prause on:
Facebook | Twitter
Have you ever wondered what working in the fetish and kink adult movie scene is like? On this week’s episode, Joe meets Miles Striker – one of the most well-known actors in the adult fetish scene right now. Miles and Joe talk about the nitty gritty of the porn industry and Miles gives the lowdown on getting down for the camera. Joe asks, ‘What’s it like acting out scenes involving fetishes like, macrophilia (a fascination with or a sexual fantasy involving giants)?’ And, how exactly did Miles, an Iraq veteran, get into BDSM porn?
Find Miles Striker on:
Facebook | Twitter
Why would straight identified men have sex with other men? Are they gay, bi or somewhere in between? Do you really understand what sexual fluidity is, or, even means? This week Joe talks about his book, ‘Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A guide for women concerned about their men.’ Men are stigmatized for having one non-heterosexual thought, and women are fetishized for having one. Joe addresses the concerns of worried women who suspect their men are not straight. Listen to Joe help make sense of a confusing situation, plus make sense of ways couples can have sexual health conversations around the topic of sexual interests that don’t match one’s sexual orientation, and remain married, even with a ‘happy ever after’….
Want to find out more? Visit Straightguise.com.
Find Joe Kort on:
Facebook | Website | Amazon
You’ve heard of polyamory, right? But, do you really understand what a polyamorous relationship looks like? This week Joe chats with Stephanie Sullivan, a polyamory-affirmative therapist to talk all things polyamory. Is it just cheating? Why do some people confuse it with affairs or infidelity? Even while our society has made incredible strides in the legalization of same-sex marriage, the idea that a relationship could include more than two people has remained a taboo—even when one in five Americans claim that they have been in a relationship with more than one person. Hear Joe and Stephanie dispel the polyamory myths. Does it work?” And “How do people make it work?”
Find Stephanie Sullivan on:
Facebook | Website
Find the Webinar HERE!
Why is it women say they orgasm far less from penetrative sex with their partner, whereas men say they orgasm nearly every time? And, how unfair is this for women! This week on Smart Sex, Smart Love, Joe chats all things cliterate with Laurie Mintz – champion of bridging the orgasm gap and award winning college professor, who’s book, ‘Becoming Cliterate – Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It’ is making the New York Times sit up and take climax notes. Laurie explains that we’ve been thinking about sex all wrong. Standard penetration is how men most reliably achieve orgasm. The problem is, women don’t orgasm this way. Laurie chats to Joe about the broader cultural problem that’s perpetuating this orgasm gap, and what we can do about it. The revolution is cuming—and Laurie offers a radical, simple solution to progress and pleasure for all. “Good communication is the bedrock of all relationships,” says Laurie. “And, good communication can literally, make The. Bed. Rock!”
Find Laurie Mintz on:
Facebook | Website
This week’s guest on Smart Sex, Smart Love, is psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Ari Tuckman. Ari and Joe delve deeper into what monogamy means for couples when it comes to sex and digital toys, and exactly what the notion of a ‘fidelity agreement’ means. Why should couples have conversations about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in their relationship? How do fidelity needs evolve over time? And, how tight do fidelity agreements need to be for partners to feel secure? Ari also shares his knowledge of how couples can effectively tech up their sex life with digital sex toys, and how toys like the Fleshlight can cause controversy as well as pleasure. How do these digital sex toys impact relationships? Ari and Joe have all the sex tech cyber erotic answers you’ve been dying to download!
Find Ari Tuckman on:
Facebook | Website
Sexual health author, trainer and psychotherapist Douglas Braun-Harvey bridges sexual and mental health. A certified group Therapist, Certified Sex Therapy Supervisor and Certified Sex Therapist, Doug chats to Joe about Out of Control Sexual Behaviors, (OCSB) versus “Sex Addiction” on this week’s Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Doug is all about reconsidering the popular notions of addictive sex. His collaborative client/therapist treatment relationship is founded on the principle of men taking responsibility for defining and integrating their personal sexual health vision. So, Joe asks, ‘Do you think “sex addiction” really exists and if not what about his model of OCSB works more effectively?’
Find Doug Braun-Harvey on:
Facebook | Website
Have you heard of IMAGO Relationship Therapy, but have no idea what it is? This week on Smart Sex, Smart Love, Joe meets Susan Kamen, host of “Grow Your Guru,” a weekly show on NRM Streamcast. Susie is a certified Imago therapist and relationship specialist, teaching people the imago dialogue process to create safety, and to allow someone to be heard, especially on difficult topics like sex! Susie and Joe talk all things Imago relationship therapy, and how Imago therapy is different. Do you have conflict in your relationship? Are you looking for an opportunity for some healing and growth in your dialogue with your partner? Then, this is the podcast for you! Listen to Susie explain how collaborative a process Imago therapy is, and how it can significantly benefit you within your relationship and gain a better understanding of yourself and your partner.
It’s sometimes hard to debunk “sex/porn addiction.” This week on Smart Sex, Smart Love, Joe Kort chats with David Ley, an internationally-recognized expert on issues related to sexuality, pornography, and mental health. Together Joe and David discuss how David debunks the myth of “sex addiction”, in his book, ‘The Myth of Sex Addiction’. Is “sex addiction” a real diagnosis, or an avoidance to deal with the real issues a person is struggling with? And asks, ‘What does “sex addiction” mean for you?’
Find Dr. David Ley on:
Facebook: Facebook.com/david.leyphd
Twitter: Twitter.com/DrDavidLey
Dr. Joe Kort: Welcome to Smart Sex, Smart love. I'm Dr. Joe Kort, and today I'm delighted to be with David Singer. David Singer is a poly and kink aware therapist based in California, a licensed marriage and family therapist. David is not just a kink aware of professional. He's also active in the lifestyle, giving him a greater empathy for the challenges that exist for people who refuse to live by other people's rules. He specializes in working with people practicing or exploring consensual non-monogamy, people involved in kink and power exchange relationships, as well as sex workers. His clients have been individuals, couples and polycules. We'll talk about what that means. He'll tell us what that means.
David has a master's degree in clinical psychology with an emphasis on marriage and family therapy from Pepperdine University. He also has more than a decade of experience working with police and fire departments to help survivors of trauma. David is a sex positive therapist who also is a no sex positive therapist when working with people who identify as asexual. Oh, I see. He strives to create a safe, supportive environment in which people can find their best selves.
As well as his office based therapy, David also offers online sessions with clients who live anywhere in California. He's a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and ensures his clients will never feel condemned for their kinks. Welcome David.
From behaviors and fetishes to kinks and vanilla, Justin and Joe discuss everything including cuckolding – this incredibly common male fetish. What does it say about you if you’re into kinky or BDSM sex? Is cuckqueening for women really a thing too? In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Justin and Joe delve into the truth about how porn and sex fantasies like cuckolding and cuckqueening affect us.
Learn more about Dr. Lehmiller:
Website: Lehmiller.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/PsychologyOfSex
Twitter: Twitter.com/JustinLehmiller
Have you ever wondered what Roping really is? This week’s guests on Smart Sex, Smart Love are rope anarchists and kink organizers, Doug and Jo from miropes.com. Best known as experts on incorporating rope into sex and bedroom bondage, Doug and Jo chat all things bondage and #MeToo with Joe Kort, breaking the taboos.
Dr. Joe Kort: Hi, I'm Dr. Joe Kort. I've been in practice 34 years. I'm a licensed psychotherapist with a master's in social work, and I have a PhD, actually, in clinical sexology. For the longest time, probably 25 of my 34 years, I was a sex addiction therapist. What you need to know is, that's very different than being a sex therapist. As a sex addiction therapist, I knew nothing about sex. I learned lots about trauma, I learned lots about addiction, but I learned nothing about sex. So I would have clients coming in who had sexual trauma, sexual abuse, and out-of-control sexual behaviors, and I was unable to help them effectively, because I didn't understand how to help them talk about sex.
The theory was, if they heal, your clients heal, their sexuality will surface naturally. I found out that was bullshit. You have to talk to people about their sexual lives and their erotic lives. In fact, most therapists are not trained in sex. So my mission is to train therapists about sex, and to train you and teach you about what's healthy and what's not for you. In fact, most therapists are not trained in sex, so my mission these days is to help therapists become trained in sex so they can protect their clients from them. I've also authored four books on male sexuality and couples sexuality. In our culture, we only talk about male sexuality when men are in trouble, and partners never talk about their sexual desires until the relationship is in trouble. I want to change all that on this podcast.
I specialize in sexual and gender identities that are binary and not binary. These days, there are less and less binaries where everyone is straight or gay or male or female. We're going to dissect all these boutique identities. My podcast is going to focus on helping people find their sexual selves and their erotic sweet spots, and we're going to talk about the difference between sexual orientation versus erotic orientation. Sexual orientation is to whom you're attracted. Male, female, both, a blend of both, neither.
Your erotic orientation is what brings you to orgasm. What gets you off? What's in your head that is helping you get there? Sometimes they're related to your sexual orientation, but the truth is most times they're not. This often brings erotic tension for people, and people have that erotic tension because it doesn't match with their own values, their own beliefs, their own religion, their own culture, and it doesn't fit into their current relationship that they're in. That creates erotic tension. We're going to be looking at that in each one of these podcasts.
There are no erotic-ectomies going to happen in here. Our time together's going to help you claim your own erotic self. We will discuss all types of relationships, and dispel every myth, including, if your relationship gets better, sex will come. Well, that's bullshit, really, because then you never have to talk about sex. Or if sex gets better, your relationship will come. That's also bullshit. You've got to have two conversations going on in your relationship.
From behaviors and fetishes to kinks and vanilla, we're going to cover it all each week. There'll be no egg, no sperm unturned. Bring your hormones, hard-ons, and G-spots. We're going to discuss them all.