Dear Midlife... - SoundSage

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Girl...we've been single a looonngg time. And, let's face it, building intimate connections and relationships at this age, ain't easy. I was thinking the other day that there must be some secret key or special sauce that makes it easier to connect with people.

The good news is THERE IS! the secret key to building connections is called emotional intelligence! Our guest today, Dr. Patrick Kilcarr is a Georgetown University Professor, Therapist and Author of the book "Leading an Emotionally Intelligent Life", He's here to take us on a masterful journey into the power of emotional intelligence.

So, if emotional intelligence is the secret to unlocking personal transformation and reaching one’s full potential, why are there so few personal guides on how to use emotional intelligence? Well, Enter Dr. Patrick Kilcarr, who has dedicated his life to studying and teaching EI and his latest book, Leading an Emotionally Intelligent Life: Expanding Your EI to Make Courageous Decisions and Transform Your Life, is the guide you're looking for. Dr. Kilcarr closes the gap between what is written about Emotional Intelligence and demonstrates what it looks and feels like to achieve and maintain it, especially if our formative years were paved with drama, trauma, and disappointment.

This conversation is so thoughtful and riveting in the way Dr. Kilcarr gets us to think about the power of EI. And to tell you the truth, I'm not surprised. He is one of the leading experts in Emotional Intelligence and has been the Director of Georgetown University’s Center for Personal Development since 1999. Further, he is a master trainer in emotional intelligence and certifies professionals to use the EQ-i2.0 (the most valid and reliable self-assessment of emotional intelligence). All of his work is directed toward strengthening the individual with respect to his/her innate talents and abilities. You can find more about his teachings on his website: https://theeilife.com/.

In this episode, Dr. K teaches us that:

Emotional intelligence is about understanding your emotions and how those emotions impact the relationships in your life and, conversely, the emotions of others and how they impact you.
We can use emotional intelligence to get ahead of those things that may trigger us emotionally. To an extent, there is an emotional vibration that we begin to feel before the trigger occurs, and it is in those moments when we have a choice about how to navigate what is to come.
We are sometimes so overly cautious in being politically correct, that it prohibits us from asking the tough questions to really get to know someone else.
When you see an emotional cue from someone else, open the dialogue with a question. "Did I just do something to make you uncomfortable?" Conversely, when someone says something that triggers you, call attention to it and invite conversation. One key component of EI is the recognition that we're all imperfect, most people have good intentions and to talk about it when a mistake is made. In that space, we can begin to make conscious changes.
There are 4 things that indicate whether or not we're living a balanced, emotionally intelligent life: self-regard, relationships, optimism, and self-actualization in the frame of are we doing what we want in our lives right now?

And here we thought we had to start a damn podcast to build connections with you ladies out there. But, since I mentioned it, We DOOOO want to connect with YOU! We love you and hope you love Dr. Patrick's message in this episode about how powerful emotionally intelligent connections can be. We want YOU to join the conversation. Leave us a review, follow us on Instagram and join our FB group

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In his book "The Side Road" our guest today, Link Forester, takes his readers on a journey of self-discovery and finding purpose amidst life's unexpected twists and turns. As a seasoned traveler and adventurer, Forester draws from his own experiences, navigating the ups and downs of life, to offer practical insights and wisdom to readers.

Baby, girl, We KNOW you are on the "road less traveled", "the side road" the "detour"...the "we don't know where the hell this road is going" road in midlife. This shit is messy, but it's all a beautiful, scary, crazy journey isn't it?! And you know, We get a choice through all of this messiness. We get to chose, this path or... that path. We can CHOSE to pursue happiness or...chose complacency.

We're choosing the pursuit of happiness. Life is too short and in his book, Link inspires readers to embrace the unexpected detours and challenges that life presents, and to find joy and meaning in the journey. And we're here to tell you that sometimes it's necessary to go off the beaten path, to explore new avenues and possibilities, and to trust in your own inner compass to guide you towards your true purpose.

And YOU know that we are on this journey with you. We are all navigating the messy middle with a rare blend of humility, faith, and (hopefully) a good fucking sense of humor, because this shit is for REAL. But, know you don't have to go it alone. You have your girlfriends to guide you. In this episode, Link teaches us:

None of us escapes life unscathed. It is your confidence in your faith, what you believe and the "long game" will help you navigate the difficulties in life with perspective.
The "main thing" in life is relationships. They are hard and they can be messy, but that is really what life is all about.
The "Side Road" is all about doing things with a sense of purpose. It's about not making decisions based on how you feel or what is the easiest thing but, instead, what is most important to you.
One of the secrets in life is having a spirit of forgiveness. If we go deep enough, we'll find some "ugliness" within us. We should not be so quick to find it in others, life it short.
Find your purpose in something other than work. your story is so much bigger than what you do or how much money you make.

You can contact Link at linkforesterauthor.com and get social with Link on FaceBook!

We want to bring more women like you with us on this journey. We want to form a tribe of empathy and compassion to support one another through all joys and challenges that midlife brings to us. But, we can't do that without your help. Please share your favorite episode with one friend this week or leave us a review so that we can "link" arms (pun TOTALLY intended) and take on midlife together. You can find us on Instagram and join our Facebok Group.

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So, in this episode, Trinity shares with us how she spent 10 years of her life bound to an extremely religious christian cult in which she was brainwashed, manipulated and forced to adhere to their restrictive practice and policies and made other sacrifices for her community in order to reach salvation in the afterlife.

I can't imagine what that must have been like. But, interestingly, I feel like a lot of women still willingly sacrifice our sense of self in different ways and succumb to the "programming" (if you will) of societal norms and lose site of our Self (with a capital S). We do it for the greater good of our families, our children and what (we perceive) to be our own wellbeing...In return, there is great reward...but, I often think about what is lost in the process. And the reality is that once you're part of this community and you depend on it for shelter, love, community, it is so hard to extract yourself and just ...walk away.

That's exactly what our courageous guest today, Vera LeRee did. She was also born into an extreme polygamist cult to her mother, who was the 3rd wife of her father, and was one of 57 children. Vera recently released her book "Dad Scares Me, God Scares Me: My Journey from Polygamist Cult to Freedom" and shares with us today her gripping account of growing up in this cult, to her escape, and how she was able to build a successful life from nothing.

Vera shares her struggles and triumphs as she sought to break free from the oppressive control of her father, husband, and their polygamist God. Her story is one of hope, resilience, and the indomitable human spirit.

She went on to build a successful multi-million dollar business and pursue her passions for psychology, health, and wellness. Vera is now the founder of Purevee Organics, a supplement company for women, and a mentor for individuals looking to break free from their own mental bondage and achieve self-love and confidence.

In today's episode Vera teaches

Listen to and honor what your heart is telling you. It may not be easy, but you are worth it!
Women remain entrapped....in a relationship they are no longer happy with, in a life that feels inauthentic, in a job that has no meaning because they are juuussstt comfortable enough. Being comfortable outweighs the fear of the unknown so they accept their current state as the "norm" despite the impact is has on their spirit.
In these moments of quiet desperation, start to get curious and question what life could be like.
In order to get on the other side of fear you have to push through the fear. In order to do this, sit with the fear. Imagine this fear in your head and then pull out a piece of paper and list 20 benefits that will come with facing your fear
In turn, you can equally reflect on the most negative and difficult experiences your life and also list 20 benefits of having had that experience. This exercise helps you move beyond your own inner narrative about your unworthiness and feel empowered.

And if you are also out there struggle to find your own identity. Maybe you have (similarly) given over yourself to everyone else, we are here to remind you of your worth and your strength. We are here to remind you that you're not alone. We're your sisters, your friends your tribe and are here to lift you up and support you. Please join our Facebook community, follow us on Instagram, and leave us a review HERE. We need your help in brining this support and wisdom to other women just like you!

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You know I (Shelby) once had a friend who told her at a party that she hated being her friend. Of course, she was drunk and maybe a little bit high...but, Shelby was taken aback by the comment nonetheless. But, when she asked why, her reply was even more astounding...You know what she said...?!

I know you're on the edge of you'r seat or, perhaps, you're actually laughing that I even asked why. Her answer was that she is too perfect...Like what the hell, right? She said, you "have two kids, you're a single mom and...SOMEHOW...you always have your shit together! You look good and you always bake homemade cookies for the holiday parties and the staff and I just can't take it!"

At first Shelby was angered by the comment. But, then thought, "well you know she's right?! Girl, perfectionism is Shelby's friggen best friend. She keep it all tight...maybe so tight that she doesn't get to experience the joy in the messiness of life. What do you think would happen if you just...let it go and forgave yourself for being Imperfect?"

We dive into this question today with our guest, Vicki Smith. And, don't worry, we also get into Trinity's obsession with "fixing" everything! Because this is what often happens when we experience some kind of trauma. For Trinity, as a child, she had to fix all of the problems to ensure her people were safe under tumultuous circumstances and she still does that today. Shelby felt like being perfect was the only way to garner attention and affection from her ever-busy executive parents. She still feels like she has to hustle for love. But, Vicki teaches us that the internal narratives that show up as different parts of ourselves don't know that we've grown up and no longer need to be protected.

Vicki is a psychotherapist and a coach who is in private practice for over 20 years as well as a mindfulness meditation teacher who has studies yoga and Buddhism. And, Shelby...take note, Vicki works with people pleasers and perfectionists as a specialty now and was trained in Internal Family Systems or IFS in 2012 and received it as a client before that to let go of the intense anger she felt towards her father, who she now suspects suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. Because of the IFS approach, she separated herself from his toxicity and forgave him and healed herself. Vicki now uses these tools as foundational in the work she does with her clients.

She created Power to the Pleasers in 2020 and her approach is to use the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership (which we discuss in this episode) to help the different parts within each of us know that they no longer need to so vigilantly protect us. People pleasers are usually pretty harsh with themselves and this approach helps them begin to treat themselves with more kindness and shift the pattern of self defeat.

In this episode, Vicki teaches us:

We all have an "internal counsel" of different parts of ourselves that "govern" our life and keep us safe. The Managers are the first line of defense and how we show our selves to the outer world. The second line of defense are the protectors and the third are the firefighters (which includes any kind of addictive behavior used to take our nervous system way down.
Ask our parts what they need from us and what would happen if they stopped protecting us...in truth, we may no longer need protecting, but our parts are unaware that we are no longer in danger. By asking them these questions, we can help our parts relax from their soldier post.
when one part is alleviated of their duties, it allows more space for the Self (with a capital "S").
we can treat our parts like we would any close friend. we listen to them, we show them compassion we embrace them, because, in the end, we are really giving these things to ourselves, when we do.
While we often look for the quick fix in our current society, working with all of your parts is a beautiful and gradual unfolding on learning new ways to approach life.

You can find Vicki:

website | https://www.powertothepleasers.com

Instagram | @power.to.the.pleasers/

Look girl....if you're out there and that inner voice inside your head is telling you that you're not enough...not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough...This episode is for you and know that you're not alone! We're all in the messy middle together and we got your back. Leave us a review and share this episode with a friend, or your dentist, or your housekeeper, or a colleague, or the mail carrier or whomever you think needs to hear it. We love you!

Make sure we're connected

Instagram | @dearmidlife

Facebook | DearMidlife

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You know, women in midlife are often starting over in some respects. This time in our lives can be a period of rebirth, reinvention and (if you're Gweneth Paltrow or one of the other fancy schmancy celebs out there) "re-coupling". Regardless, building new relationships at this time in life is imperative, but not always easy.

That is an understatement! Girl, have you tried dating these days? And yes...I'm talking to you out there? EVERYBODY comes with some kind of baggage...and when I say baggage, I'm talking about those old-timey trunks they used to pack to take on a ship across the Atlantic kind of baggage. Lol and its hard to unpack THAT kind of baggage and, at the same time, show up with the kind of transparency and vulnerability it takes to forge new relationships when the stakes are high and the relationships are complex and with more than one player involved.

Forging romantic relationships not only requires navigating your potential partner's history, but the children and familial ties they bring into the relationship as well. Our guest today, Maria Natapov, is the daughter of divorced immigrants and a stepparent herself and this led her to her work now as a Stepparenting Coach and a Rapid Resolution Therapy Practitioner to help others, heal, expand and grow as she provides support to help her clients navigate these complex relationships to transform chaos into harmony.

Today, she shares with us how we can make small shifts during our most difficult seasons to work through whatever challenge we may be facing. And she reminds us that we already have all the gifts and everything we need inside of us right now to do it, it’s just about unlocking the path to it.

Maria is an expert at helping people navigate new experiences such as stepparenting or blending a family, or building new relationships, in general, where the stakes are high, there are multiple stakeholders each with their own specific needs, and it's necessary to quickly create and build rapport and connection. She also specializes in helping people identify and heal trauma through the Rapid Resolution Therapy modality which helps them shift unwanted or disturbing thoughts, emotions, and actions in a painless, quick, pleasant way (yes, you heard that right...pleasant) with lasting results.

When forging new, complex relationships where there are a lot of parties involved and the stakes are high, jumping in with both feet may not be the right approach. It does take time and it is important to know this: identify and get clear on your own boundaries and values (such as how to approach discipline and parenting and what you're comfortable taking on as a step-parent) and then gain alignment with the other parties involved.
You are exactly where you need to be right now.
Building trust means being vulnerable yourself. Show up authentically, as you are, and don't pretend to be something you're not.
Acknowledge and embrace difficult moments and invite conversation about them so as to diffuse the negative energy. Otherwise, the tension within these moments builds and becomes amplified.
Our brains are wired to fill in any gaps in factual information with our own narratives and imagination and these perceptions may or may NOT be true. When navigating difficult conversations, make sure you're coming to the table in a regulated frame of mind.

And when you're in the process of unpacking that big old trunk, honey, and need some help or support from like-minded women going through the SAME shit, we're your girls. Join our Facebook Community, make sure we're connected on Instagram and share this podcast with a friend. No one needs to navigate the messy middle alone.

To learn more about how to work with Maria, visit her website at SynergisticStepparenting.com

Here’s a link to my brief (under 9 min!) podcast episode on Rapid Resolution Therapy: https://synergisticstepparenting.com/what-is-rapid-resolution-therapy/

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In this episode, I share story about running with my daughter in the mornings and how difficult it can be at first to try something new and form new habits. We had to talk through how she can do hard things.

Our guest today Katherine Louise has a podcast called "You Can and You Will" to remind her audience of women everywhere that YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS! Katherine is a Business & Mindset Mentor for female leaders and artists. She guides and supports women along their way to living that exceptional career and life they didn´t think they could, working on their self-esteem and finding their full potential.

Women empowerment is her mission (cue "I am Woman Hear Me Roar") as the majority of women still live below their potential. Today we discuss that sometimes even the most successful women still struggle to find their zone of genius and to live authentically.

Katherine hails from Germany and has been an entrepreneur for 16 years in the space of self-development and communication. She now coaches and mentors females to let go of the past and believe in themselves.

In today's episode, Katherine Louise teaches us:

We must find and operate in our zone of genius.
Whatever beliefs your caregivers adopted and imposed upon you will be ingrained or "programmed" within you from an early age. These old narratives can be a barrier to success if we don't change our mindset
Society tells us we have to be and do it all, have a job, be a mom, be the perfect spouse ad look like the models in the magazines! It take courage to ask for help. Life and Success is not found in perfection. It is discovered when you go outside of your comfort zone!
When building new habits you're, literally, forming new neuropathways in your brain. That takes time (at least 3 weeks or longer) and you will most certainly slip up sometimes. You have to just get back up and do it again next time.
What you're looking for is already inside of you.

You can find Katherine at:

Website | Katherinelouis.com

Spotify | You Can and You Will Podcast

Apple Podcasts | You Can and You Will

Girl, we know forging a new path isn't always easy! We're here to tell you that you don't have to go this journey alone. We are here and are forming a tribe of women in the middle who will support and lift one another up along the way. We encourage you to join our community on Facebook, follow us on Instagram and share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. We love you!

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Our next guest, Elle Hart, took the phrase "empty nest" to the extreme when she simultaneously sent her children off to college and got divorced at the same time. Girl don't mess around! AND, after raising 3 boys and being a stay-at-home mom for 25 years and without ever having had a real job before, she picked up her life and moved halfway across the country to California, where she began life in MID life from a blank slate. That takes TREMENDOUS guts.

But the thing about adversity is that it brings to light who we are and what we are made of and in this instance, this rang particularly true for Elle. While working in a school, Elle began exploring and became a practitioner of emotional intelligence. During this time, she discovered the Clifton Strengths Finder as a tool to help her identify her natural strengths and gifts, as well as her deficits using this unbiased assessment.

It was this awareness that helped her recognize how she could bring her own gifts into the world to help others. She developed a process that helps her clients gain what she has coined as "self-intelligence". And her natural way of connecting with her clients on such a personalized level helps bring clarity to their strengths and helps them feel empowered every day.

Elle's story is an inspiring example that we are stronger and more courageous than ever as we navigate "the middle" of our lives. It is NEVER too late to understand who YOU are and to find new ways to bring your gifts into this world.

In this episode, Elle teaches us:

Live in the present moment. Forgive yourself of the past and the mistakes you may have made. While you can learn from them, you cannot change them. Don't focus too much on trying to control the future. The present moment is all we have.
Let go of expectations...the ones you have of other people, the ones other people have of you and the expectations you have of yourself.
When you understand your strengths and lean into your gifts, you will feel empowered. Stop trying to be someone you are not. Living in MISalignment may be what has you feeling like you're stuck.
When asked to tell others about ourselves, we typically start by listing the roles we play. When you have awareness of your personal strengths and characteristics, you can start the dialogue using terms that demonstrate who YOU are and what you bring to the table.
Knowledge is power. Apply your strengths to the 4 foundational areas in life: belief in yourself, your relationships, career path and health and wellness. Sometimes, we can compare our strengths with those who play a prominent role in our lives (spouses/colleagues) to see where our strengths coincide and where they clash. This helps us to build stronger relationships in which we replace "expectations" with "resepectations" and learn to forgive, respect and understand the strengths of others.

You can find Elle on:

Website | www.feelempoweredeveryday.com/gps

LinkedIn | @elle-hart

IG | @feelempoweredeveryday

Facebook | feelempoweredeveryday

YouTube | Feel Empowered Everyday

We'd love to know what gifts you're most proud of! Leave us a review or join our FB group. We are here to support one another on this journey together.

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While we live on opposite sides of the country and there were years when we were in rare contact with one another, our friendship of 17 years has grown so strong over time. We truly respect one another's values and perspectives. We each bring our own unique gifts and strengths to the friendship. Trinity has an inner wisdom and fierce confidence that is unparalled. It's this confidence that makes us feel like we can achieve whatever we set out to do. And when I say "fierce" ohhh girl! Trinity is everyone's advocate and shares her voice with the eloquence of a powerful orator so that people truly lean in to hear what it is she has to say. She's a natural born leader and has this charisma that people FEEL when she walks in a room. And, best of all, she makes all of us laugh our asses off on a daily basis. Shelby is a natural born nurturer (perhaps, to a fault) and is always eager to listen. Where Trinity is spontaneous, Shelby tends to be more structured and focused and, in this way, there is a balance between them. Shelby has her silly side too and together we laugh often, provide continuous empathy and support to one another and can't imagine life without the other.

And today our guest, Brenda Ridgley, supports women; who have lost themselves in their roles as wife, mother and professional, find their personal tribe of women to lift them up, help them "reparent" their inner child and give to one another the nurturing we seem to be so good at giving to EVERYONE else, but ourselves

And, for so many of us in midlife, we've spent so much of our time giving ourselves over to our spouse, our careers, our children, that we lose who WE are and what is important to us. Brenda helps her clients discover their WHY. So many women at this age and stage in life cannot articulate why they do what they do and their answer to the question "what is your why" or "purpose" is usually ~ my family. Motherhood is noble and important but there needs to be more that is for and about her, the woman.

Brenda is an author, speaker and girlfriend guru who loves helping women connect, find success, and discover joy through friendship. Her mission is to support women who have lost themselves in their roles as wife and mother and encourage them to nurture feminine friendships to build their own Tribe of support. Through her workshops, coaching, retreats, and podcast ~ Find Your Lady Tribe, Brenda helps women connect and communicate with respect, love and trust. She holds an MA in human resources and has spent decades cultivating her own Tribe.

In her book "Lady and the Tribe" Brenda celebrates the power of female friendships, shares insights into the ways they enrich women’s lives and offers strategies for creating, strengthening, and enjoying these relationships to the fullest.

In this episode, Brenda teaches us:

We are all put on this earth with out own unique gifts and purpose. To get to your "why" write down what you think it is and then continue to ask "why". Why did you say that? Why is that important? Why would that give you purpose? Keep going until you feel like you've truly gotten to the heart of what is important to you.
Ask yourself what would the impact be if you did NOT fulfill your why...go out 5 years and explore how that would make you feel. The goal of the exercise is to help you feel the pain of NOT taking action. Our brains want us to continue what is comfortable and steer clear of what is uncomfortable or "dangerous". So we have to shift our Frame of mind to feeling the "danger" of not changing.
If you struggle to find your "why" ask a friend to reflect back to you what they love and appreciate about you.
Women need mothering. We mother everyone else, but forget to nurture ourselves. Our tribe of female friends can give us the nurturing we need and can even help us reparent our inner child.
Not everyone get tribe status, even if they have been in your life forever. It is a privilege, a right and it can be revoked! But when you DO want to build new relationships, find the time. Put it on your calendar and engage in an activity and place where you can give one another your undivided attention

You can find Brenda on:

Website | www.BrendaRidgley.com

Girl...it is OUR goal to create a tribe of women who are striving to navigate midlife so that we do NOT have to go on this crazy journey alone! We are here for you. Let's band together to support one another. Please join our Dear Midlife community on FB or follow us on Instagram and let's do midlife together!

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Our guest today, Esther Avant, shares a statistic that 80% of our inner thoughts are negative. She believes, this is one reason it is soo difficult to take what she calls, compassionate ownership, of our health and lives. Esther is a sports nutritionist, personal trainer, health and weight loss coach and Owner of EA Coaching. She provides holistic health and lifestyle coaching and specializes in helping women, generally over 40, reach their health and weight loss goals. She supports them by helping them learn and master the exercise and nutrition "Big Rocks," and taking complex and overwhelming topics (like menopause!) and simplifying them so that the individual feels ready, willing, and able to take meaningful action.

But, our conversation with Esther focuses on so much more than just the obvious aspects of exercise and nutrition and, instead, focuses on the less well understood components of mindset work and lifestyle change.. We take a deep dive into the root cause of our own personal roadblocks to change (in general) and our continuous habit as women to show up for EVERYONE else, BUT ourselves.

Esther teaches us that we have to start to rebuild trust with ourselves by consistently making and then fulfilling the small...then larger commitments we make to ourselves. In doing so...we prove to ourselves that we can show up, withstand things that are difficult, push ourselves out of our comfort zone and thrive. We CAN DO HARD THINGS ladies. We HAVE to do hard things to live the life we aspire to. Esther believes if more women prioritized their health, they’d be able to use those same principles to unleash the confidence and focus they all need to leave their mark on the world

EA Coaching has helped hundreds of women realize that they're not too old, it's not too late, and they don't need to accept, "maybe this is just middle age." In this episode, Esther teaches us:

Making lifestyle changes that stick requires showing ourselves the same compassion and empathy we would show to another person whom we love an care about.
Getting to a place where you love your body is a process that takes time. While we're navigating these shifts, take time to control and curate what you're exposed to on social media because what you consume has an impact on your progress and self-talk. The noise is not improving your life.
Be intentional about who you surround yourself with and curate your own "advisory board". Taking compassionate ownership of your life and health is easier when the women you surround yourself with are practicing the same habits.
We don't realize the number of complex issues at play that prevent us from changing our habits and shifting our lifestyle. These can range from the "food centric" nature of social society to more deeply rooted internal narratives where we tell ourselves we are a priority or that it isn't worth the risk of failing...again.
When we continue to make commitments to ourselves and then NOT follow through, we begin to lose trust in ourselves. Taking compassionate ownership of our lives and healths means we have to rebuild trust in ourselves, slowly but surely, and start showing up for ourselves the way we show up for everyone else.

You can find more about Esther at:

Website | www.estheravant.com

Facebook | eawellnesscoaching

Instagram | @esther.avant

Please join our FB Group and follow us on Instagram. Please leave us a review and let us know what is ONE thing YOU will do this week to show up for yourself and start to rebuild your own personal trust. We love you and want you to know that you are not alone. Let's do midlife together and support one another as we strive to live our best lives.

xoxo Trinity and Shelby

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We've been talking for some time about those moments in our lives that have become sticking points for us. What if there was a way that we could let go of those moments and reset our thinking so we can move beyond our own sticking points? Today our guest, Carolina Suero, helps us harness the power of hypnotherapy to do just that. Through this powerful tool, Carolina helps us and others reconnect to the resources already within them to dive deep into our subconscious mind to rewire our negative thoughts. She specializes in working with individuals struggling to resolve issues with abandonment, stress & anxiety, worry & overwhelm, relationships, self-doubt & lack of confidence, limiting beliefs & self-sabotaging behaviors, or just feeling stuck/trapped.

In our episode today, Carolina explains the subconscious mind and how we can use it to our advantage. She takes us through the process of hypnosis and how it's a GREAT tool for illuminating, accessing, and connecting with our internal power to expand our personal growth, healing, and transformation. It’s safe, natural, efficient, and effective...with a side of relaxation.

Carolina is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. She’s passionate about helping empower and inspire others to live an amazing life. She works with her clients to help them align their minds for success, own their inner light, and step into their best selves. She does this by helping them clear the subconscious limiting beliefs holding them back from achieving their ultimate vision of personal and professional success. And today we'll share our own personal experiences of how Carolina helped US to resolve our own subconscious narratives to move beyond these traumas and sticking points.

We are in hypnosis at lease twice a day, when we are just waking up and when we are falling asleep. So, it is ideal to take advantage of this by winding down our day with positive thoughts and to journal or meditate first thing in the morning.
We are only born with 2 fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All of our other fears are learned. BUT, anything we can learn we can UNlearn or replace with a new learning.
Our conscious mind controls 10% of our choices, while the subconscious mind governs 90%. So, it is primarily the subconscious mind that can sabotage us when trying to adopt better habits and practices by relying on old narratives of what was locked into our subconscious at an early age of what is "safe" or "not safe" what we need and don't need. Hypnosis allows us to bypass this critical filter and reprogram the subconscious.
Therapeutic hypnosis allows us to go deep down to access the love, self-worth and hidden messages and associated meanings that live deep within us and were ingrained prior to the development of our critical filter.
We always have the power of choice. There is power in knowing we have a CHOICE. Change is a choice. What and who we choose to give energy to, is also a choice.

You can find Carolina at:

IG: @TheCarolinaSuero

Facebook| @thecarolinasuero

Website Offer| https://www.carolinasuero.com

If you're loving this podcast, please join our Facebook Group and follow us on Instagram. Please give us a review on your podcast platform of choice. We want to connect women everywhere because there is power in having a community of like minded women striving to be their best selves in midlife, but we need your support to do so!

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Hey, hey Cronies! I know you're probably thinking, "bitch, who you calling 'cronie'?" But, in today's episode, we learn the word "Crone" is the honorific way to refer to a woman standing in her power in midlife! Thank goodness for our next guest, Pia Antico, who is a Crone Life Joy Reboot Mentor (say that 5 times fast). She's not only here to give us a little history lesson, but also intuitively guides single, empty-nest women over 40 to ditch their regrets and live unapologetically.

She is definitely our kind of woman! Our girl, Pia, helps women to age "disgracefully" and quit being unwilling bystanders in their own lives. Embracing a Crone Life™️ is all about revolutionizing our experience of midlife, Menopause and beyond by dismantling the internalized misogyny and ageism (ever watch a Disney movie and seen an "older" female portrayed as a "witch" or "evil") that prevents us from living unapologetically authentic, carefree lives of joy and passion.

And talk about living...Pia suffered 'three near deaths before thirty, navigated two abusive marriages and suffered a major head injury but chooses to help herself AND others get past their darkest moments by tapping into their innate well-being. So that they can shine the light of their radiant, joyful wisdom & step into their dreamed-of future; no matter their current circumstances.

In this episode, Pia teaches us that:

Crone (or hag) are term that's once referred to a revered elder female. Over time, society has shifted the meaning of these terms to one of derision and this societal definition is ingrained in us over time (think the evil "hag" in the fairytale Snow White).
Just like our body is designed to heal an outer wound, our psyche is designed to be resilient! We CAN heal our mind.
Sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourselves and others.
Our true guidance lies in our heart and gut...it is our inner intuition that we need to learn to tune into and allow it to guide us. Too often we ignore our own intuition
Contrary to Descarte's statement, "I think therefore I am" Pia believes only in the "I Am". It is not the 'thinking' that gives us life and existance. it is the knowing that we are enough.

You can find Pia at:

Website | essentialawakeningmentoring.com

Podcast | @croneliferevolution.podcast

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

If our content really resonates with you, please leave a review on your podcast platform of choice and share an episode with a friend. We genuinely want to expand our reach and share the wisdom of our guests with as many women just like you that we can! We can't do it without your help and support.

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Our next guest, Brooke Ritchie, has led a full and diverse life. From living in a trailer park to becoming a nanny to some of the wealthiest people. And, Shelby, we've talked about this before.... the hard thing is...being surrounded by wealth, knowing what IS possible, but then we allow our limiting beliefs to hold us back!

Girlfriend....we KNOW you are out there struggling with some of these same limiting beliefs. We love Brooke's vulnerability to share her story and how she's had to overcome her own limiting beliefs to live her best life as a coach and therapist. And Brooke will say that being a coach and therapist has been her life’s work. It chose her. This calling has now allowed HER to help countless people to embody their true selves and achieve things they had feared were out of reach.

The good news is: You can change. But, girl...you have to take charge of interrupting old patterns and narratives by committing to doing the deep inner work. As a trauma-informed mindset coach and therapist Brooke helps people overcome self-worth issues & mindset blocks so they can make quantum leaps in every aspect of their lives. Imagine what your life would look like if you actually felt worthy. What conversations would you have? And with who? What kind of money could you make? Where would you spend your vacations? And who would you wake up next to?

Brooke has a Master’s degree in Somatic Psychology and works as a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She is certified as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner and is trained in The Mastery Method Coaching, Deep Transformational Coaching, EMDR Therapy, & Regenerating Images in Memory.

Let's just say girl has done it all and in this episode, she walks us through some of the tools and techniques she uses to help her clients achieve the freedom and transformation they seek. In this episode, Brooke teaches us:

When we experience a trauma, it leaves an open loop in our brain. So, each time the brain experiences something similar it catalogues it as a comparable experience and triggers the same feelings as we had during the initial experience...creating these repetitive narratives. We can identify the open loop and reparent that inner child to provide them what they need to close the loop.
We can use hypnosis to down shift our brain waves into a slower theta state, taking the frontal cortex offline, so that your brain is operating at the same wave length that it is between the ages of 0-7. In this way you can dig into your subconscious and repeater neural pathways.
You are already in hypnosis 2x a day. Right as you are falling asleep and then as you wake up in the morning. These become opportunistic moments to do some. your inner work.
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization reprocessing and is a therapeutic method of using bilateral stimulation of the brain to help the individual reshape the way they think about the traumas that happened to them.
In order to expand your thinking and vision a future that is even broader that you know today, you can evaluate who you're spending time with. You absorb the mindset of those you spend your time with. When you expand your circle of friends, you expand your mind.
When facing a block or limiting belief, ask yourself: "Is (this block) true?" Then, "Can I absolutely believe it's true?" "How do you react when you think or hear this thought" "If it is not true, what could be possible and who could you be without the thought?"

If you love this show....please.subscribe and leave us a review. I keep getting notes through our FB page and email that people are loving this show...but, girl when you leave us a review here it helps boost our show so that other women out there, just like you, can find us.

You can find Brooke at:

Facebook | brookieritchie

IG | brookieritchie

Website Offer| https://www.brookeritchiecoaching.com/

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Our guest, Philippa Robinson, was under so much stress and pressure that it actually caused her to lose her eyesight! But, you know....we ALL do it. As women, we put everyone else's priorities ahead of our own. Our needs are ALWAYS the last to be fulfilled...If at ALL, right?!? To our listener out there...we've said this before and we'll say it again...stress and trauma can LIVE in your body and cause all kinds of ailments. In this case, childhood trauma and a hectic career as a lawyer threatened to permanently blind Philippa.

She studied law at university and she spent most of her life and career exploring the UK, while subconsciously seeking "home". I know I'VE felt that way. She thought she'd found her "home" as she settled into a busy law career and homelife in which her hubby, 2 boys and Bob the dog became her priorities. It wasn't until life tapped her on the shoulder and said "hey honey! It's time you took a break and stop living your life to serve everyone else" and sent her a signal she could no longer ignore.

During her own personal transformation, through healing childhood trauma and learning to love and live for herself, she arrived at her soul's mission to guide people to be the truest versions of themselves because she believes that is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Philippa's message is that she was 47 when she got started! She wants people to know it's never too late and you're never too old. There's no quick fix but it's worth it.

Understand that your past is most likely affecting how you behave now. The small wounded part of you needs healing so work out what they needed then and how to give it to them now. Pull the inner child close, love them and your life will change. There is freedom and joy on the other side of healing your wounds.

In today's episode, Philippa reminds us:

Stress and trauma can remain stuck in your body and can cause physical and mental pain.
When you do something new for the first time, it will be uncomfortable. Start small and continuously communicate your needs and intentions with loved ones and friends as likely your new choices may be disrupting their lives too
It is never too late to heal your trauma and live a life you love. Again, there is no quick fix, but taking bold steps may save your sanity or even your quality of life.
You are the only person you will be with for the whole of your life and the greatest gift is to know ourselves, what we love, what makes us tick, what is our purpose.
To find a bit of joy everyday.

You can find Philippa at:

Website | https://Safeandsupported.co.uk

IG | @safeandsupportedcoaching

Please make sure we're connected at: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

Dear friend! If you're loving this show, please leave a review and share the show with a friend. We rely on your support and feedback to continue to bring you amazing content. xo

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Our guest today was born into the circus and became the youngest paid clown at the age of 3, survived a near death experience being mauled by a puma, was bullied throughout his life, attempted suicide and overcame series of addictions.

Holy shit...Jonathan Royle has lived like 10 lifetimes in just the short span of 47 years...yes, ladies. He's right here with us all smack in the middle of life! Through the lens of levity and experience, Jonathan shares with us some profound insights as we talk about his personal trauma and what he did to overcome his own challenges.

Jonathan brings both humor and a wealth of knowledge to the show as a celebrity hypnotherapist, Master NLP hypnosis trainer and author of the book "Shitnosis" which helps readers "get over the shit in their life and get their shit together".

Today, Jonathan joins "our circus" and teaches us:

Hypnosis is when a pattern interrupt disorients the pre-frontal cortex or logical mind so that suggestion can slip past into the subconscious
Hypnosis is the correct use of verbal and non-verbal communication techniques to emotionally and psychologically manipulate people into stopping doing the things they DON'T want to do or to START doing the things they do.
To heed how your brain processes the information you give it. The law of reversed effort which says that what resists, persists. You get more of what you focus on in life. Also, mind the "order principle" which says do or do not...there is no "try".
You don't have your "critical thinking faculty" until about teenage years...so all traumas get beyond that rational mind before it is fully formed and are embedded in the subconscious
You cannot delete the negative memories, but CAN delete the negative charge associated with these negative memories and traumas

Girl...if you have your own shit to get over, this episode is for you. And now we will use Jonathan's persuasive techniques to "will" you to leave a review for this show and let us know what shit you want to get through and how this podcast inspires you!

You can find Jonathan at:

Website | https://www.magicalguru.co.uk

(seriously...check out Jonathan's website and some of his old stage videos)

Twitter | @roylehypnotist

Make sure we're connected at: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Have you ever been asked to go out to a club or dinner with a friend on a Friday night...and there was a part of you that wanted to go and a part of you that wanted to stay home? Sometimes on Friday night...we are so exhausted and just shut down, but then equally want to get out of the house! Both of us spend so much time working from home...that sometimes we can feel physically torn about staying home or going out.

Raise your hand if you feel the same way?! Today our guest, Maureen Clancy helps us understand that this is because that there are, in fact, different parts within us. These "parts" were created (typically in our younger years) to protect us from trauma because we didn't have the external support or tools to manage some situations which were too much, too fast, too soon or too long.

And, sometimes these parts rule our lives and don't realize that we are now grown and capable women. When our survival response gets triggered, they can continue to try to protect us when our, sometimes to our detriment. Ladies...these "parts" or old narratives that you used in childhood to protect you no longer serve you in adulthood and could be the VERY things holding you back from living a life you love! What is your inner critic saying to you?

Maureen Clancy is a licensed therapist, group therapy practice owner, and trauma expert who, for the past 21 years, has been helping women who’ve experienced childhood trauma heal the past and fully embody the present.

She’s the creator of the Gate Passages Framework, a structured, bottom-up approach to healing trauma. She’s certified in a variety of healing modalities and in this episode, we spend time discussing Internal Family Systems, and her practice of combining therapy with Reiki, Tarot, and flower essences to heal the energetic body.

She’s presented on trauma and self-care at Rutgers University Graduate School of Social Work and Limerick Institute of Technology School of Social Care (County Clare, Ireland).

This episode is soo juicy as Trinity comes to a fascinating realization about herself. And in this space, perhaps this recognition is the first step to her own healing journey.

In this episode Maureen teaches us to:

Recognize where we are in our "survival" response, which includes not only the (traditional) fight, flight or freeze...but, also fawn (I will survive if I make sure you're ok), collapse (there's nothing I can do here so I'm just going to exist), submit (I'm giving in and waiting for this to get over with) and cry for help. These were developed early in life as your strategy to help you survive (The "fawn" really resonated with Trinity)
Understand the definition of trauma or that which is too much, too fast, too soon or too long, and how we've adapted to navigate it by developing different parts of ourselves to protect us from certain situations.
Recognize the different "parts" within ourselves that try to protect us, in addition to our current, adult "Self". As we grow into adulthood, our parts continue to try to protect us, holding us back, even though we may no longer need protection. Today, we learn to show compassion to those parts, thank them for their "service" and reassure them we are grown and capable now.
Acknowledge when our nervous system is disregulated and we're in hyper or hypoarrousal. In this state, access to our prefrontal cortex is inhibited. Move your body to help up-regulate you and pull you out of hyper or hypoarrousal. Take a walk, dance in your kitchen, do some yoga...this helps regulate your nervous system.
Leverage a bottom-up approach (vs. top down) to healing trauma. Using your senses, such as smelling essential oils, and moving your body will open space to connect to our parts, while also turning off the survival response.

You can find Maureen at:

Website | maureen-clancy.com

IG | @themaureenclancy

TikTok | @maureen.clancy

And we'd love YOU to join us on this journey as well! Leave us a review. Tell us about your inner critic (another one of our damn parts that we all have!). What's her name? What does she say to you that holds you back?

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Perhaps, you resonate with our guest today, Clarissa Castillo Ramsey who is a self-proclaimed "Serial Pivoter". The reason for this because, you see, she was constantly living her life seeking the approval of others rather than doing what made HER happy.

As the daughter of Philippino immigrants, she was always striving for the approval of her parents...until in 2018 she looked around and thought to herself "What the fuck am I doing?" It was then she started what she's called her "multi-year pivot". It began with her book called "Painting Your Path™" that she published in 2020. In this book she interviewed women who had successfully started living life on THEIR terms and used their stories as an inspirational case study for how she could live the life she always dreamed of as an entrepreneur.

THAT was the catalyst for deciding that it was time she become her own boss after dreaming about it for years and holding herself back. During this time, she created the 5-step Paint Your Path framework that she now uses with her clients to help THEM live a life they love.

Dive into this episode with us as we explore how Clarissa made the leap from a high-powered corporate career to successful entrepreneurship. In this episode, she shares with us how to:

Not be afraid to pivot...and then pivot again! Start taking small steps towards a larger goal.
Develop a long-term exit strategy and then establish a resignation date and write that resignation letter!
Avoid a fixed mindset, which is thinking you have a finite set of skills. Instead, practice using a growth mindset and evaluate the evidence that shows how much you've grown and are capable of growing. Keep a hype file of the evidence that shows how strong and capable you are (customer testimonials, emails/texts from friends, a glowing performance review)
Use the "Paint your Path" framework to manifest your goals. 1) Dream 2) Decide 3) Plan 4) Be Brave 5) Reflect.
Ask those closest to you to define what they see as your top three strengths when formalizing your vision for the future. Define the things you're passionate about and ask yourself how you can use your strengths to solve a problem related to this passion.

If you resonate with Clarissa's story and want to make the leap to entrepreneurship, leave us a review and let us know! We'd love to hear how Clarissa inspirted your exit plan.

You can find Clarissa:

https://Clarissastudio.com

https://www.instagram.com/ccr_sunshine

Make sure we're connected at: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Tell me if this story resonates with you...Boy meets girl, girl puts boy on pedestal, boy and girl have ___ kids (fill in the blank), girl makes herself the lowest priority, girl loses herself and her power, girl hits crisis point...

This was us! Hell, we STILL have mama guilt any time we do something for ourselves and our kids are independent now! It's like there's this feeling as though you're doing something WRONG if you go on a date, spend time with friends or do something for yourself. If this sounds familiar that doesn't have to be the end of the story. Our guest today Tanya Maree Biddle puts a stop to this age old narrative and instead (in her own words) grew a set of balls, learned to ask for what she needs, fought against internal and external resistance and has now become a coach to help other women this her position!

Tanya Maree now holds space for women everywhere as a coach and mentor to working mums while they rediscover who they are as their growing children no longer need or want them around anymore and supports them to create the next season of their lives.Tanya is an avid planner and organiser and mentors her clients through a process of planning their personal development so they can create habits, rituals and routines that will move them to action.

She is an Accountability & Self Empowerment Mumma Coach (#mouthfull) and is a professionally trained coach for working mums with teenage kids. She specialises in holding space for these beautiful Mummas while they rediscover themselves and supports them to LIVE life on their own terms.

In tihs episode, Tanya teaches us to:

Stop deprioritizing ourselves. When we make ourselves our last priority we also teach the people around us that we are the lowest priority. BUT, you CAN choose a different path!
Understand that reversing the habits that you've created can take time. It's not just training your children and family that they are capable...its also training yourself.
Set effective boundaries consistently over time, which requires a lot of gentle reminders and sometimes reevaluation to determine if shifts or adjustments need to be made.
Reflect on who you were before you were in your partnership or had children. Ask yourself what were your dreams and aspirations? What did you enjoy doing then. This is a good starting point for rediscovering who you are today.
Learn to celebrate when our children reach an age of independence and become self-sufficient. It means we've fulfilled our role as mom and taught them well!

I, literally, had a conversation with my sister just last night about the importance of setting boundaries and THIS episode. If this episode resonates with YOU, please share it with a friend. Leave us a review to share with us a boundary you set and how you grew as a result!

You can find Tanya at

Website | tanyamareecoaching.com

IG | @tanyamareecoaching

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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So, NOBODY likes change, but frankly it's the only constant in life. Today’s world is always shifting, evolving and pushing our personal and business visions into new territory. So, girl, we gotta move forward and embrace the unknown, because that is where the true magic lies... BUT....what if the unknown wasn't so unknown? What if you could have insights into the future that would guide your decisions? Would the idea of change and life feel less intimidating? Our guest today, Sam Plovie or Qi (prounounced Chi) Pro Sam, has over 10 years experience in transforming peoples lives by helping them to navigate the turbulent waters of change to bring clarity and purpose forward so they can make more informed and sound life decisions.

Sam is the ultimate ‘Guide by your Side’ removing the barriers that sabotage your success! With unparalleled expertise in Chinese Astrology and Metaphysics, Sam assists people through their life transitions, career redirects, home harmonizing, optimal office work flow, staff alignment and corporate strategies.

Sam's philosophy is success is science. If you have the conditions, you get the results” and she strives to help people attain those conditions and live their life at full potential by aligning people to their environment, tapping into their true skills at the right time, with the right strategy, life is smoother, simpler and more purposeful.

Sam is schooled in the Five Arts of Chinese Metaphysics, and today she demonstrates how she can harness the power of these tools to paint a roadmap of my future for the year 2023. And, girl, when I say she paints a roadmap, she pretty much predicts my future with a (almost) creepy degree of accuracy. BUT, she reminds me she is just laying out what COULD be, it is up to me to make my own choices and, ultimately, shape my future. Take this walk with me and see how powerful these tools can be.

In this episode, Sam begins by orienting us to some key components of the BaZi chart within Chinese Astrology:

The BaZi chart can be utilized to provide an "external" point of view for the timing of key decisions and personal strengths that can be capitalized on.
The "year" Pillar is about relationships and connection ancestors, parents and workplace from a perspective of time and distance. In short, the focus is on the future. The "day" pillar is all about you...your health, your significant other, who you are and this is the center of chart. The "hour" pillar is where we find relationships with money, children, intimacy.
An annual update (as we discuss in this episode) provides a comprehensive overview of all of these things and starts with a review of a hexagram that provides a predestined theme. Career, Health, Money, Relationships, what is occurring and what decisions can be made in awareness of these key areas. It's like a puzzle of probability.
Your BaZi chart provides you awareness or a roadmap of what is to come. You can look at the roadmap and still be in control of the direction you choose to take and can make these choices in an informed way. Having visibility into what is to come should not raise concern, but can simply make known what may happen so that you are better prepared to navigate the path forward.
Halfway through the year, go back and review the annual overview to see how things have played out over time.

If you enjoyed this episode, we encourage you to find Sam at the link below and have your own BaZi chart read. If you do, leave us a review! Let us know one interesting tid bit of information you received and how that shaped a decision in your life.

To find QiPro Sam:

Website | QiProSam.com

Make sure we're connected! FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Let me share with you some pretty astounding statistics about our topic today. This causes 81% of people to feel a loss of personal power after this experience. 94% deal with painful triggers. 71% have low energy. 47% have weight changes. 84%...Have an inability to trust. 67% Prevent themselves from becoming involved in deep relationships.

Today we're here to discuss the topic of betrayal and its IMPACT. Betrayal is a trauma unlike any other because betrayal happens when those you are closest to and trust the most BREAK that trust...it becomes so personal and is, therefore, extremely difficult to heal from and can cause a tremendous feeling of loss and sense of self.

The reality is that trust CANNOT be repaired...it can only be REBUILT. Our guest today, Dr. Debi Silber, is the founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert, and 2-time #1 International Bestselling Author of "Trust Again", "The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis" AND "From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love". and her podcast "From Betrayal to Breakthrough" is also globally ranked.

Dr. Debi has completed a PhD on how we experience betrayal and has made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal. We'll share these discoveries with you in our podcast today.

In addition to being on FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz Show, TEDx (twice) and more, she’s an award-winning speaker and coach dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most.

So buckle in, girl. This is a JUICY episode in which Dr. Debi teaches us to:

Look at trust like a brick wall. Trust cannot be repaired. It CAN be rebuilt...brick by brick by brick. It it the betrayers job to rebuild that brick wall...not the person who was betrayed.
Learn that betrayal is not our fault, it IS our opportunity. In every betrayal, we learn something about the negative narrative that we are telling ourselves perhaps, unknowingly. Until that lesson is learned, you may experience repeat betrayal. If nothing changes...nothing changes.
Betrayal is a different type of trauma. When a betrayal happens, your world is shattered...your ability to trust, your sense of self and worthiness. This type of trauma requires a complete rebuild or transformation that is deliberate and intentional.
There are 5 predictible stages to betrayal and healing:
Stage 1 events leading up to the betrayal that can be mired in the neglect of spiritual and emotional connection.
Stage 2 the actual receiving of the news of the betrayal...D-Day. Your stress response has been triggered and you're in a state of overwhelm
Stage 3 Survival Mode...this is where most people feel stuck and stay. This is where the numb, avoid, and distract ourselves with food, work, alcohol etc...
Stage 4 recreating a new identity...taking with you on this journey of transformation the best parts of you and leaving behind the parts that are no longer serving you
Stage 5 healing, rebirth. and new world view

If you understand the "roadmap" you can navigate the healing process in a faster, better way.

Face it...Feel it...Heal it... The only way is through it. It may be easy now...but, hard later. Hard now...and easy later. Either way, you must navigate all of the steps to be healed.

You can find Dr. Debi at:

Website | ThePBTInstitute.com

tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@debisilber

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InspireEmpowerTransform

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DebiSilber

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debisilber/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/debisilber/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/debisilber

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/DebiSilber/

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence, and Happiness

The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis

From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love

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Perhaps, you know by now that I've struggled my whole life with the feeling that I'm not worthy of love. So, I'm sure it is no surprise to our listener that I fell into a toxic relationship. I stayed in that relationship for 16 years until one day I realized I had spent so much time being accommodating my spouse's needs to avoid an argument that I'd lost myself and didn't know who I was or what made me happy anymore. The loving relationship I thought I was in, was a facade.

I know that I'm not alone. So many women find themselves in my shoes, being manipulated into believing they are in a loving relationship, while slowly losing themselves without even realizing it. Our guest, Lucy Price, helps us to identify the characteristics of a toxic or narcissistic relationship so we can come to our own truths and find a new path forward.

But, this episode isn't only about the toxic relationships we find ourselves in, it's about reclaiming your power and finding yourself afterwards. When I walked away from my relationship with my ex, I realized I had a LOT of work to do to reclaim my relationship with MYSELF. I didn't know who I was, what I liked or where to start.

Lucy supports women in moving on from toxic or narcissistic relationships so that they can heal, fall madly in love with themselves, and create the love and life they desire. she specializes in mindset, emotional intelligence, and relationship building skills. She talks about how to shift the story you are telling yourself about you and your life, how to become aware of subconscious beliefs, the 7 layers of why, and micro-mindset changes that lead to big results.

In this episode, Lucy teaches us:

It is easy to lose ourselves in a toxic relationship. Healing starts with awareness. Consider what are you feeling and thinking? Then ask, is that serving you and helping you get where you want to be?
Your thoughts create your feelings...your feelings drive your actions/patterns of behavior and, therefore, your results. If you find yourself in a pattern of toxic relationships, you first have to change the way you think about yourself.
Sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves what behaviors has society normalized as acceptable in men and then really get in touch with your interests and needs. Ask yourself if this the way you want to be treated?
I love this...ask yourself the question, "what do I want the culture of my relationship to feel like?" Then work to develop the skills to create the culture you desire in your relationships.
Don't speak in definitives. Talk about "being in the process of". Make the micro-mindset shift from "I'm unworthy" to "I'm in the process if discovering my worth" or "I'm in the process of learning to love myself". Doing so moves your mind from static to momentum and forward growth.

You can find Lucy at:

Website | https://Shiftyourstory.net

IG | @Lucy.M.Price

Make sure we are connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

If you're loving this show, we need your help. We need your positive reviews to support our ability to continue to bring this content to you for free. Please share your thoughts and share this episode with a friend.

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If you've ever been to New Orleans, today's guest has a name you won't forget...Ben Yeh (pronounced just like that sweet treat from the south the beignet). Not only does he have a name that resembles a sweet pastry, in today's episode Ben lays on us some sweet wisdom....and girl, let me tell you...we were eating up every word.

Ben is a business and transformation coach on his 3rd chapter in life, as he says. He began in real estate, then became an investment officer investing over $1 billion dollars for a private family of restauranteurs (where he gained tremendous insights into how a business is run and how to accumulate and invest wealth) and now he's taking these years of business and entrepreneurial wisdom and sharing that with his clients and with us today.

So good! And he uses his investment experience, business coaching and his personal, spiritual journey to empower heart-centered entrepreneurs on how to gain clarity on their "true north" and thrive in life. And to our Listener out there who is feeling stuck...Ben helps others live into a space of expansion where the possibilities are limitless.

Ben launched Boom Vision Podcast in 2021, a show about health, wealth and higher self! For anyone with a burning desire to live an enriching life: physically, mentally and spiritually, Ben and his guests share valuable perspectives & action steps to help you build optimal health, create aligned wealth, and connect to your higher self. It starts with a powerful mindset!

In this episode, Ben shares with us to:

Understand that health, wealth and higher self...are all interconnected
Focus on 3 core pillars - imagination (what you see internally) - voice (what you hear internally) - intuition (what you feel internally) These get projected to your outer world. You must work on your outer world, as well. This means you have to examine the soil (the environment you are rooted in), water (are you watering your mind daily to expand your imagination) and sun (where do you get your joy from and are you carving out time to do something that brings you moments of joy). These work together so that you're operating at a higher level.
Realize,"energy cannot be created or destroyed...it can only be transformed from one form to another" (Albert Einstein). The way that you think about money (or anything) drives different actions and associated reactions. Money is energy...if you want more you have to change the language and actions you take when it comes to money.
Adopt a simple morning ritual that includes: 1) Calming your mind, 2) setting your intentions (my intention for achieving x is y because it will make me feel z), 3) listening to a song that raises you to your Z state energy, 4) making a declaration "I am..." intentions, actions, manifestation. When I set my intentions towards a goal, and take actions toward that goal, I manifest.
Consider the input you received as a child. how many more "nos" did you hear vs. "yes"? 5% of our day is run by our conscious mind. 95% is run by the subconscious mind or SOS (subconscious operating system). What input are you providing yourself now? Are you your worst energy or your biggest cheerleader?
Practice using your intuition. When you do things that bring you true joy, you will be in a different frequency and when you are in that flow...inspiration happens.

You can connect with Ben:

Website | benjaminyeh.com

IG | @benjaminyeh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/benjaminyeh

Boom Vision Podcast; Available on all podcast directories.

Apple | httApple Podcasts | Boom Vision

Free Downloads for Listeners: https://www.benjaminyeh.com/thankyou

So, ladies...we want to hear from you. Ben shares with us some major inspiration today...what message resonated with you the most? Please leave us a review and share this episode with a friend!

Make sure we're connected! FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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So a few years ago a woman in my neighborhood sent out an invite for a little happy hour at her house...with a twist. She had gotten very interested in a self-discovery tool called the Enneagram (prounounced any-a-gram) and sent a link for us to all take an assessment to find our "type"...then we all discussed our types, fears and motivations over a glass of wine. That was my first exposure to this tool.

Today's guest, Chelsie Engle, has a coaching business centered around this powerful tool and today, she helps us understand ourselves a little more deeply and identity our core fears and motivations through the lens of the Enneagram.

After years of infertility struggles, pregnancy loss, and fertility treatments Chelsie finally became a mama only to find herself in a state of postpartum depression and anxiety, and feeling lost and stuck as a new mom and working in a toxic and difficult environment. She needed help, which is when she found a therapist that was trained in the Enneagram.

Chelsie now works one-one with clients helping them determine their enneagram type (in a Typing Session) and helps them explore a life on their terms using her 1-1 elite life coaching experience.

This tool can be used to gain greater insights to who we are as individuals, create a life that is in alignment with our core motivations and desires, recognize the healthy and unhealthy behaviors in ourselves and others and help strengthen our personal and romantic relationships through empathy and understanding of the fears and motivations of those who we are closest to.

Today, Chelsie teaches us that:

The Enneagram is a self-discovery tool that helps an individual discover their core motivations. It allows us to explore our actions and behaviors through this unique lens to determine if they are serving us in a healthy way or not.
Our behavior and qualities should be seen as neither good nor bad, but rather healthy or unhealthy. Often, what we "loathe" in others are characteristics we don't see in ourselves.
It's easy to get caught in between your fears and desires and feel like you're on a hamster wheel you can't get off of, however, awareness is the first step to understanding how to create healthy behaviors in your own life.
A great way to identify your type is to ask yourself what is the best feeling in the world for me? (this will usually help you pinpoint your core motivation) and What is the worst feeling in the world for me? (which will help you pinpoint your core fear)
When you recognize you are in stress, stop. Acknowledge what you're feeling (usually something linked to your core fear). Ask yourself WHY you are feeling this way? Finally, ask yourself what you need in that moment? I feel...because...I need... and VALIDATE. yourself in these feelings.

Website | eliteenneagramcoaching.com

Take the test!

We'd love for you to take Chelsies free Enneagram assessment to find out who YOU are. When you do, leave us a review and let us know!

Make sure we're connected! FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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We know many of you out there have a dirty little secret. Raise your hand if, like me, you are a people pleaser! Girl, today we stop and explore the 'why'? The answer to this question is something we've been contemplating. WHY is it that women (specifically) fall into patterns of people pleasing? Are we so desperate to have people like us that we're willing to sacrifice ourselves in the process? There are so many answers to this question...perhaps, it's societal conditioning that causes women to put everyone else's needs before our own...perhaps, it's just part of who we are as individuals...maybe we LIKE doing things for others. Maybe it's just because we're suckers.

We're kidding of course! But, know you're not alone and today's guest, Suzanne Culberg, will be able to provide some refreshing guidance and reassurance! Suzanne calls herself a "nope coach" and is a coach and author who helps "over-givers" and people pleasers learn to set boundaries and say "no" in a way that feel good.

Suzanne is a certified practitioner of Neurolinguistic programming (NLP), holds a bachelor of medical science, and has a variety of other certificates that she leverages to help women stop over-giving, over-consuming, and overdoing everything. Her mission is to help women set boundaries for themselves and make boundaries NORMAL...we simply should be saying NO more often.

In today's episode Suzanne teaches us that:

Saying "no" doesn't mean the other person will be offended or that there will be conflict. It can sometimes generate the opportunity for more collaboration and honesty.
Not setting boundaries or saying no can generate resentment. People can genuinely "sniff out" the little white lie (such as I have a headache and can't go to dinner). But, people respect your honesty.
You can begin to reclaim your own sense of self and identity by defining what you DON'T like and then clearly define how you will set boundaries around those things.
If you're such a people pleaser you're not being honest with yourself or coach, you're doing yourself a disservice. Instead, use "pennies" to change...these are micro-shifts that (when done consistently) don't feel like big changes....but, a lot of little changes that add up over time.
Sometimes a collaborative approach to boundary setting with someone you deeply care about is necessary. By taking this approach, the needs of both parties can be met.

You can find Suzanne at:

Website | suzanneculberg.com

Facebook | suzanneculberg

IG | @suzanne_culberg

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

And girl...If you ARE a people pleaser, make Shelby and me happy by sharing this podcast with a friend and leaving us a review. :)

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Have you heard of the Vegus, girl? Perhaps, you're thinking...I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you...bearing in mind the rule "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas". But, we're not talking about Las Vegas....today, we're talking about our Vegus Nerve. Despite popular belief the Vegus Nerve isn't the nerve we lose or our even our last nerve, it is a cranial nerve that interfaces with the parasympathetic control of the heart, lungs and digestive tract. They should change the phrase to "What happens in the Vegus stays in your body" because when chronic stress and trauma happen over an extended period of time it can show up in our bodies as anxiety, depression, gut disorders, autoimmune conditions and chronic pain. To our listener out there...THIS is very well what may have you feeling STUCK!

In this episode, we totally get schooled by our guest Jessica Maguire. After all the amazing things Jessica teaches us in this episode that we DIDN'T know, we're starting to wonder how in the hell we ever passed biology!

Jessica Maguire has a degree in Health Science and a Masters in Physiotherapy and has spent over 14 years helping people improve the health of their brain and body. She specializes in helping her patients get to the root cause of their issues rather than just relying on others to resolve their symptoms. She does this by providing a framework within which her clients can understand the different responses of the nervous system and better engage with it rather than being overwhelmed by emotions and physical sensations...

We LOVE this conversation! Jessica so clearly articulates what is happening in our bodies and how to tune into the signals our body is sending. If YOU love this episode too...Share this podcast and leave a review.

Our nervous system can be in 3 states: a) regulated in which we are at our baseline and operating in a calm, focused, stable and connected state; hyperarrousal in which we may be operating in a state of anxiousness, anger, and hypervigialance; or hypoarrousal in which we slip into a state of shame, withdrawal or burnout...essentially feeling "stuck".
The Vegas nerve is a cranial nerve that connects the body and brain. 80% of its fibers are sending signals back up to the brain. It plays a critical role in emotional health, physical health and even effects how we connect with other people.
Our brain and our nervous system don't just passively receive information throughout out lives. They are shaped by experiences and relationships.
Making a shift, isn't about changing a mindset, its about working with our body to create a new experience that then sends a signal to the brain that we are safe and capable and THAT reshapes our mind....moves you beyond feeling stuck
Leverage the gift of co-regulation and bring these people (or even pets) in your life close to help you operate in a more stable, connected and calm state.

You can find Jessica at:

Website | Jessicamaguire.com

IG | repairing_the_nervous_system

Make sure we're connected at: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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So, girl...we talk a lot on this show about who we want to be when we grow up. We know this proverbial midlife identity crisis can leave us confused as to who we are and who we want to become. We've struggled with this topic and if you (our listener) are struggling out there, then this episode is for you.

Today, entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Mastermind facilitator and business coach, Cheri Ruskus, speaks to the freedom and challenges that come with owning your own business and embracing new possibilities. So, if you have ever thought about what it would be like to step out on your own, Cheri walks us through how to determine if being an entrepreneur is the right path for you and the importance of creating a strategy to make the leap with confidence.

Cheri has authored two books and speaks to audiences about how to run their business with efficient systems and a positive mindset. She is host of the Bright Shiny Object Project podcast with 150+ episodes and has also created the BSO (Bright Shiny Object) Grow Planner, a physical paper planner, to assist small business owners to accomplish more, as they honor their most precious commodity, their time.

In today's episode we learned:

How to use "morning momentum" to begin your day in a positive way...That means get up before your household and use that time to "meditate".
Meditation doesn't have to be sitting in silence, YOU do YOU....you can take a walk, watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee, use a meditation app. Find they approach that works for you.
Turn your "to do's" into "ta das". Start each day by focusing on what you accomplished the day before.
Focus on relationships. Write down what are the 5 relationships you want to nurture that week or that day. You don't have to write a novel. A few words go a long way.
Establish systems to make your life and business work.

You can find Cheri at:

Website | Business Victories

IG | Victory Girl

Book Recommendation: Book Recommendation | The E Myth: Why Most Businesses Don't Work and What to do About It

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How many of you out there have limiting beliefs of some kind? Maybe we should ask is there any woman out there WITHOUT a limiting belief of some kind!?? And, lately, when you think of YOUR limiting beliefs, have you ever started to dig into where in the hell they came from?

When diffing dug deep to get at the root of limiting beliefs, we realize is that we've been programmed our entire lives...Programmed to believe we're not good enough, we're not lovable, we're not beautiful...programmed by the patriarch, by media, by our own damn parents!

Our guest today, Denise Morrison, is here to tell us how we can use Neurolinguistic Program (NLP) or neuroplasticity to RE-program these negative narratives, overcome our own obstacles and live the life we're meant to. In this episode, our listener shares with us a personal story about how she was struggling to get pregnant when a functional medicine practitioner that said, you are so healthy. You are doing all the right things. Eating right,...exercising. But your mindset is killing you.

Like so many of us, Denise was basically beating herself up with her own negative beliefs and thought patterns after growing up in an abusive household. She didn't realize that she was repeating these patterns and habits and they were depleting her of her life force and energy. Her body couldn't produce a child because her body thought it wasn't a safe environment.

So listen up! Your brain, mindset and self-talk are important! They have an IMPACT. Today, Denise has transformed herself from a shy, introverted girl to a strong woman who learned how to overcome emotional eating and and abusive self-habits to become a dedicated and vibrant Physical Therapist, Yoga teacher and finally, a Transformational Health & Life Coach. She uses her personal experiences and certification in NLP and other mindset and coaching strategies to help women overcome self-defeating patterns and really transform their lives.

Denise explores with her clients 3 key areas of their lives:

Behaviors - things like your diet, exercise and daily self-care habits

Beliefs - things like your mindset and the deepest beliefs you hold about yourself and others

Being - who you identify yourself to be on a deep and even subconscious level

In this episode we discuss:

We receive programming everyday in various ways and these memories are stored in our senses and nervous system. Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) is a way to help an individual discern what memories they want to hold onto and reshape the negative narratives with "new programming"
NLP Uses the full sensory experience to anchor thoughts and beliefs within your sense of smell, sight, touch, sound and taste.
Finding out what you DO want your new narratives to be can be a process of elimination, starting with what you DON'T want...
How you do one thing is likely how you do everything....so identifying and shifting small patterns can make a big impact on your life.
Leave voice memos to yourself about how you feel...then you can really get a true perspective on the words you use with yourself. Be kind! to YOU!

So, take this journey with us, ladies and if you're enjoying the conversation share this podcast with a friend and leave us a review.

You can find Denise at:

LinkedIn | Denise Lynn Morrison

FB | Denise Lynn Morrison

Please make sure we are connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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From the moment I wake up....Before I put on my make-up...I say a little prayer for you! How many of you women out there need a little reminder that YOU ARE WORTHY? What if you could carry in your pocket gorgeous thoughts of positive intention to lift your spirits and reflect on who you are and what you're capable of?

Our next guest, Jenna Brocious, has developed a set of prayer cards to provide motivation and inspiration at just the right moment. Jenna is a wife, mother, spiritual intuitive and, like so many of us, has worn so... many... hats. And, also, like you...she had a busy real estate career and "did all of the right things" and just hit a point in life in which she was feeling a bit lost.

Thankfully, she was afforded the opportunity to pull back, and sit in silence and meditation (hats off to Jenna's supportive husband...and for our two guys listening out there...listen up!) and gain clarity on how she can show up in a different way to serve others and believes these special prayer cards she's created are the product of God working through her to provide others intention and inspiration when they need it most.

In this episode, Jenna reminds us of the importance of setting boundaries and finding time and space to sit in silence and reflection...to find your own spirituality in whatever shape and form that take...and in that space ...find yourself. Here are some of her special takeaways:

Set clear boundaries and know what is important to you
Welcome negativity because it not only shows you what you don't want, but what you do.
Self-love allows you the power to stand in your own strength, your own boundaries and your own values
Give yourself some quiet time each day to get out of your head
Schedule quiet time for yourself

So, girl, sit back and enjoy our conversation with Jenna Brocious...and if you enjoy the conversation, please subscribe and leave us a review!

You can find Jenna at:

Website | JennaBSpiritual.com

IG | @jennab_spiritual

Make Sure you are connected to us! FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife or https://linktr.ee/DearMidlife

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Dr. Aimie Apigian is THE REAL DEAL! In this episode she teaches us about the "Biology of Trauma™ a unique lens for understanding trauma and how to emerge from it by joining the two worlds of neuroscience and trauma therapy uniquely by reverse-engineering the chronic effects of trauma on the nervous system and body on a cellular level.

Girl...if only you could see Shelby right now. Here inner nerd is geeking out! She is literally drooling over Dr. Aimie's incredible resume. She is a double board-certified medical physician in Preventive Medicine and Addiction Medicine. She has a Masters in Biochemistry and a Masters in Public Health. In addition to her medical training, she is also a Certified Functional Medicine physician and has a crazy number of additional certifications in neuro-autoimmunity, nutrition, and genetics for addictions, mental health, and mood and behavioral disorders as well as in various trauma therapies including the Instinctual Trauma Response Model (an art trauma therapy), Somatic Experiencing (developed by Dr. Peter Levine), and NeuroAffective Touch (Dr. Aline LaPierre).

Not only is our guest exceptionally well qualified, but she's also motivated by her own personal life experiences as she worked to solve chronic trauma related issues for her adopted son, and then for herself. Dr. Aimie offers science-based solutions on how to rewire the nervous system. Dr. Aimie is the founder and CEO of Trauma Healing Accelerated, offering her foundational online course: “The 21 Day Journey to Calm Aliveness”, which is an experiential journey into the nervous system that is open to all.

In this episode, Dr. Apigian teaches us that:

Many women believe the feeling of being "stuck" is stress when, in fact, it is actually a trauma response.
Stress response comes with action! We are in stress response when we are actively working to solve the problems in our lives.
We need different solutions when we are either in stress response or in trauma response. When in stress response, we need support and resources. When in trauma response, your body needs safety, energy and time to process what just happened.
In order to change your trauma response, you have to rewire the way your body and nervous system reacts through somatic experiencing. Resolution happens in the body...not in the mind.

Please leave us a review and let us know how this podcast is impacting you!? What tips and tools are you using? We can't wait to hear from you.

You can find Dr. Apigian at:

Instagram: @draimie

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/draimie/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-aimie-apigian-1b863244

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/draimieapigian

Also...Pleaes make sure we are connected on social media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Our guest today, Melissa Giller, is an MBA and former Sr. Management consultant with a Big 4 firm. But, decided to leave the corporate world behind "on a whim". Or so she says, but in reality Melissa, like many of us, went through what she calls her "winter"....and when we say 'winter' we're talking a 'Game of Thrones' kind of winter (lol)...a year long feeling of being stuck or lost during the early years of motherhood. I'm sure you may resolate with this feeling where you feel like your life is out of alignment with your goals and values and you really don't know who you are any more.

BUT...a massive panic attack that woke her out of the blue, and was the catalyst to her journey of deep introspection, mindfulness and inner healing. Annnddd...Thank you, Canada, for your generous year-long maternity leave practices! Because, it was during this time that Melissa began searching for her soul. Ultimately, the journey lead her to pursue her life and spiritual coaching certification, and she launched her coaching business, Life With Soul, in August of 2020.

Melissa's focus is mindset work around the cognitive distortions: recognizing when your thoughts are running the show, and how to challenge the negativity within them. Since then, she's helped countless women find themselves, establish solid self-care practices and truly find alignment in their lives (personally and/or professionally).She views self-compassion and non-judgement as the pathway to healing yourself, and therefore, your partner, children and the world around you.

In today's episode Melisa teaches us:

To ask yourself "How do I want to feel?"...Today...In my life? and then consider what's one little shift or think you can do today to bring these feelings into your life
Identify where your can'ts are possibly "won'ts" and disrupt the pattern with something positive
The hardest thing is starting. Break down big goals or new habits into the smallest possible steps.
Self-care is any activity that feeds your soul and then continually reassessing what's working and not working and adjusting.
Cognitive distortions are tendencies and patterns that paint a false or inaccurate picture of the world around you and why people may be making certain decisions. So, instead ask yourself "Is it true? If it's not true, what is a more logical story?"

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast, please subscribe and leave us a review! We need your support!

You can find Melissa at:

https://www.melissagiller.com

https://www.instagram.com/melissa_giller/

Podcast: Life with Soul

A Mindset for Miracles FREE course on Cognitive Distortions

Please make sure we are connected on Social Media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Ladies, ya'll know midlife is FULL of transitions. We spend our WHOLE lives as women living for every. one. else. Can I get an "amen" if you know what i'm talking about?!?! AMEN! So true..you see, what happens in midlife is that life... shifts and changes...our marital relationship may dissolve or go through significant curves in the road, our children move out, retirement is looming out there in the distance and we suddenly find ourselves on this roller coaster of transition and change. And NOBODY likes change, but frankly it's the only constant in life. Today’s world is constantly shifting, evolving and pushing our personal and business visions into new territory.

So, girl, we gotta move forward and embrace the unknown, because that is where the true magic lies... Our guest today, Sam Plovie, has over 10 years experience in transforming peoples lives by helping them to navigate the turbulent waters of change to bring clarity and purpose forward so they can make more informed and sound life decisions. Sam is the ultimate ‘ Guide by your Side ’ removing the barriers that sabotage your success! With unparalleled expertise in Chinese Metaphysics, Sam assists people through their life transitions, career redirects, home harmonizing, optimal office work flow, staff alignment and corporate stratagies.

Sam is schooled in the Chinese Five Arts of Metaphysics, of Feng Shui (environment) BaZi (Chinese Astrology known as BaZi) Mian Xiang (Chinese Face Reading) Qi Men Dun Jia (Strategy) and Yang Style Tai Chi Chuan (Martial Arts) and in this episode she teaches us:

Feng Shui is the art and science of noticing how the environment effects you. By aligning to the environment around you, you are better positioned to make sound decisions. A good home finds you.
We can have it all...but, typically not all at once. Life is a meandering path, when we can embrace the notion that life is happening for you, everything becomes simpler.
When you put somebody else first, you have become second.
The obstacles aren't IN your path...they ARE your path. Life isn't happening TO you, it is happening FOR you...embrace it.
Girl 2023 IS OUR YEAR! According to Chinese astrology and metaphysics there's a new sista in town! Feminine energy is moving in and will culminate in Dec 2023, when the world will come back into alignment. So, THIS is the year to make new changes and take new chances.

Join us in the new year for our follow-up interview with Sam who will reveal our BaZi charts (birthdate chart known as natal chart) and demonstrate her abilities to guide US to be powerfully informed to make better decisions about our lives and business.

Girl...if you love this episode, subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review

Sam is the voice of the mind-blowing QiProSam (pronounced Chi-pro) Podcasts, informative blogs, inspirational videos and mentor to aspiring consultants.

Once you align your life, your life is more aligned. If you want more alignment in your life and to add a little science to your success, you can find Sam:

QiPro Sam Website

IG | @qiprosam

Please ensure that we are connected on social media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

Please subscribe to the show and leave us a review!

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Today's guest Helen Ferguson, likens our "Self" to little Russian nesting dolls...you may be familiar with these. They are often ornately painted wooden doll figurines-a bit shaped like an hourglass. You can separate the bottom of the doll from the top and there inside is yet, another similar, smaller doll, and inside that doll...there's another doll and inside THAT doll... And just like the Russian Nesting dolls, the world has an outside view of who we are but, inside, there are so many unique layers that lay beneath the surface.

Helen is a Trauma Psychotherapist specialising in guiding women on their healing journey from childhood trauma, Cptsd & sexual abuse. For the past 23 years she has been sharing her knowledge, skills & expertise with women in guiding them to liberation from the pain of trauma to defining and living life as the confident, calm, courageous & vibrant women they can be.

In this episode, she teaches us that healing is a JOURNEY...not a destination and she embodies that healing journey for herself after experiencing three abusive relationships, and shares the thriving woman she is within every therapeutic relationship to create safety & security for others in their healing. It's within that therapeutic relationship that she guides women to a relationship with themselves. She is providing an empathic mirror for how they can define the relationship with themselves differently. She offers herself as an example of how we can be healed through playfulness with our inner child, acceptance of all parts of our self, curiosity & exploration of what could be, and empathy for ourselves, (all of which is underpinned by self-compassion), then we get to be liberated from the wounds we have been carrying and become our true core self.

In this episode, Helen teaches us that:

Childhood trauma can live in your body at a cellular level. This can translate into chronic fatigue, illness and even mental health issues. In order to heal, we don't have to deconstruct or relive the past, we need to rewire our brains for the future.
You are not responsible for what happened to you. Say it again....you are not responsible for what happened to you.
Shame underpins all childhood trauma. We can re-wire our brains by understanding our inner layers and shifting the shame into self-compassion and kindness.
Self-compassion is a holistic acceptance of self and all your parts, whether you like those parts or not.
Connect with your values at all times. They are the handrails that will guide you across the rickety bridge of life

This episode is so rich. we can't wait to share it with you. Please listen, subscribe and leave us a review. Tell us what you'll do this week to show yourself compassion. We value your support.

You can find Helen:

Website | helenbferguson.com.

Access FREE Resouces on Helen's Website HERE

Facebook | Helen Ferguson Therapy

Please ensure that we are connected on social media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

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Our guest today is Sabrina Rice.She is a wife, a mother of 2 daughters, and a lifelong seeker of truth and knowledge. As a Soul Alignment Coach, Sabrina's passion is helping women to come into who they are and discover who they are meant to be. She calls women home to their inner knowing and the truth that has been there all along.

She's been coaching in this space for 10 years. And, girl, ain't nothing this gorgeous spirit hasn't tried. She says her career has been as much of an evolution, as her soul's evolution. She's been a personal trainer and a holistic nutritionist that has evolved into the desire to do so much more. And she uses all these tools to focus primarily on mindset work. As a human behavior lover with a certification in cognitive behavioral therapy, she focuses on helping her clients shift their mindset and channel energetics for self development and life manifestation.

She's equally used all these tools on herself, to help others understand them and then guide them through their own limiting beliefs to help them create more of what they wanted in their life. Her Understanding how the mind works and that being aware of your thoughts are optional is the most powerful thing she believe one can know.

So, ladies hang on for this one! We love the twists and turns that our bubbly guest takes us on today. Please leave us a review...

We are born into our truth, but as we move through life, we acquire programing that moves us farther from who we are at our core. We need to realign with our truth in order to move past stuck and life the life we want.
We need to calm our nervous system to receive the possibilities. This can be done using a variety of techniques like meditation, journaling, walking, stretching... Find the tool that works for YOU...Don't start where yogis end...it won't happen overnight.
Thoughts create your feelings, which drive your behaviors which give you results.
Tap into your body and feelings first...then look for the source to figure out where you're out of alignment and how you need to shift your perspective.
We've programmed our brains throughout our lives with negative thoughts. We can re-program them with positive thoughts that serve us.
You're perfectly where you're meant to be

High Vibration Playlist | Raise your Frequency

You can find Sabrina:

https://linktr.ee/sabrinaricecoaching

Instagram | @thesabrinarice

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Ladies! Sometimes mama knows best! Our next guest, Lauren Dreher, took her mother's advice when she wrote her book "Go with Your Gut: Then Keep Going. She was inspired by the words of a friend who said, "the book that needs writing will write itself". So, our girl, Lauren, just sat down one day with her trusty 99 cent spiral notebook and wrote a damn book.

And she has a LOT to share. She was scarred as a child with the removal of large birthmarks on her face and endured the cruelty of people staring and commenting about her physical appearance. And ladies, we alllllllll know the stories that get stuck in our head....? Right? The stories that tell us we're not good enough, we're not perfect. We can never be successful...fill in the blank girl. We all do it.

But, Lauren decided not to let these (false) narratives hold her back. She knew she was meant for more and set off on a journey to heal her own past traumas and triumph over tragedy. Today, Lauren is a mindset enthusiast, the author of Go With Your Gut: Then Keep Going and the host of the podcast: Go With Your Gut.

Today, she shares with us the tools she used to change her own habits and in turn, her life. She uses these tools to help women to let go of who they were in the past, discover who they are now and figure out their new path in life.

In this episode, Lauren teaches us:

Get over the stigma of therapy and start to listen to your body and emotions.

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So, you may not know Trinity's story. Her father threatened to kill her mom when she and her sister were young and they fled their city and lived on the run for several years under assumed names. Our guest today, Nichole Myles shares a similar story. She went from a ‘traditional’ upper-middle class life to losing everything, living in domestic violence shelters, and having rebuild an entire life while raising 3 children.

Now, Nichole brings not only her personal story but, more than 20 years of experience in education, nonprofits, and leadership, to engage her clients in a journey of self-discovery to overcome trauma and experience growth.

She carries 2 levels of professional certifications in Trauma and Resilience. She has a masters degree in Organizational Psychology with a Coaching and Consulting concentration is expected early 2023. She uses her education to hone her poignant personal stories into opportunities for her clients to glean critical steps to support their own growth – to examine what they’ve overcome, and how to lean into that experience to amplify their futures.

70% of Americans will be effected by trauma in their lives and Nichole works as an ‘expert companion’ in the position of speaker, facilitator, consultant, or coach, helping move clients from ‘survivorship’ to ‘thrivorship’.

She use a metaphor for resilience being akin to falling off a boat and uses a kayaking trip with her teenage son to explain the trauma experience (getting flipped out of the kayak) and the act of getting to our feet as resilience: however, it's critical for you to understand that being safe in the water is resilience, but it's not the same as being back in the boat. This is why 'being resilient' isn't enough to move forward from our traumas.

In this episode we explore:

How our brain cannot tell the difference between trauma that happened years ago and what's happening right now. It gets stuck believing you are still in danger and causes you to continually react to potential triggers and signs of the past trauma.
The importance of healing trauma because brain trauma can affect us at a cellular level and can contribute to any number of health issues and disease.
The fact that 70% of us will experience a significant trauma in our life. Self-care has to become part of our daily practice...It's what keeps our brains healthy in the way working out keeps our bodies healthy.
Post-traumatic growth frameworks that help us to recast our trauma, deal with our losses, discover our own strengths and then re-write a narrative we can put into action.

You can find Nichole at:

Myles To Go Website

Miles To Go Linktr.ee

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Our guest today, Andrea Lowell, has come into our lives at just the perfect time when we needed to receive the message that she's sharing! Andrea was exactly where we are at one point. She was working a full-time "day job" for Playboy, had millions of listeners for her on-air program....living the life that, to outsiders, might seem like she'd reached the pinnacle of success. However, she was ACTUALLY feeling stuck and like she was living a life that was out of alignment with her truth and her values and she reached a point where she just couldn't take it anymore!

And she got really honest with herself and made a leap of faith to start her own business and develop the I Am Everything Project in which she brings her clients to to radical self-awareness that propels them to a state of self-expansion and growth. Her 2-month self-mastery program centers around the never-ending practice of self awareness, which propels the spiritually-minded to next-level frequencies, mindset, and connection to The Divine (and therefore next-level manifestation!). She literally teaches her clients to become their own gurus. In today's show, Andrea teaches us:

It all starts with quantum mechanics...Everything in this reality is energy and intention...everything we feel at hard material is actually "empty space".
Karma is real. Stop focusing on the negative things in your life and focus on the good. When you practice gratitude daily, you operate on a different frequency.
Karma is the law of cause and effect. What goes around comes around. So, if there's something you feel you lack...you've gotta give it to receive it.
The Ego has 4 states or stages: 1. Unawareness, 2. Awareness, 3. Ego "Eagle" and 4. self-mastery and when we understand this, we can begin to make different choices and begin to operate on a different frequency.
When you notice a negative feeling, you're operating a lower frequency. Identify, catch-it, flip it and release it.

Our guest today is Featured in

We'd love to know what you took away from this conversation! Leave us a review and let us know! And don't forget to join our FB group.

CLICK HERE to take our Core Values Index if you're feeling stuck to determine if you are living a life that is out of alignment with what value most!

ALL WAYS TO CONNECT WITH ANDREA ARE ALWAYS HERE:

Free Raise Daily Vibration Guide!: https://tinyurl.com/andrealowell

https://linktr.ee/IAMEverything

Andrea Lowell Website

IG | The I Am Everything Project

EMail | info@andrealowell.com

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You probably know by now that Trinity is not a "journaler" so, it won't come as any surprise that she's also not a planner or a scheduler. If you've seen any of her Facebook posts, you know she loves to do fun and unexpected things spur of the moment.

Shelby, on the other hand, is annoyingly scheduled...because, as she says, she just ain't got time for shit unless it's on the calendar. She's continuously distracted by shiny objects (and knows it). So, if she doesn't have her "to do's" right in front of her face reminding her of what needs to get done, she'll be totally distracted. Do either of these approaches resonate with you??

Well, on our show to day, we welcome Natascha Corrigan and Allegre Ramos who are moms, entrepreneurs, educators and friends who share a love of planning and a passion for empowering others moms and caregivers to prioritize themselves and their goals. And to our listener out there who is like Trinity...Natascha and Allegre can help you make new habits "your bitch" so you can conquer them to live the life you want!! #PutOnYourOxygenMaskFirst.

Today we discuss excavating past familial and societal expectations in order to unearth your true goals and live a values-driven life. Something that Trinity and I are sooo passionate about! If you want to set goals and plan a life that is aligned with your core values, take our Core Values Index. In this episode we learn:

A habit is an energy saver for your brain so you can take action without your brain having to think too much about how to do it. Natascha and Alegre have found It takes most people an average of 63 days to form a new habit.

To embrace your personal style or "tendency" (From Gretchen Rubin's book "The Four Tendencies") when forming a new habit. Make it part of your identity. "I'm a planner so that I can live the life I want to lead."

It starts with excavation, understanding old habits and mindsets to clear the path for execution, forming new habits.

How to find a place where your new habit fits into the scope of your already existing daily routine. Use a habit tracker to help you to fully integrate the new habit.

To let go of goals that are NOT aligned with your core values.

If you want to learn more about Natascha and Allegre and their programs:

👉Learn to Harness the Power of Planning at BYWDreams.com

⏰ Could you use a quick win every morning? Sign-up for our FREE mini-course "Create Your Morning Ritual" SmartURL.it/CYMR

📖 Save time with our bestselling book "3-2-1-Done: Three simple strategies to get your to-do list done!" SmartURL.it/321DoneBook

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Subscribe to the Podcast wherever you get your podcasts!

Leave us a review. This podcast is only possible with your feedback!!

The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)

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Well, last week, Trinity went through a therapeutic conversation with our guest and dug into her relationship with her ex-husband to understand why she felt she was perpetually chasing someone who was emotionally unavailable.

And this week...girl, we go through some deep shit with Shelby as our guest today, Marianne McGuire, takes her on an experiential, healing journey to her inner child who never adequately grieved the loss of her mother at age 7.

Marianne had this profound spiritual experience when she was six years of age, when she received certain fundamental sort of universal truths about reality and who we really are and now helps women on their healing journey through her Let Go and Know program and book "From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness, and Fulfillment " to break free of the box we put ourselves in with the good old support of the patriarchy and society conditioning.

Yeeessss...and holy shit does she help Shelby to bravely examine this childhood trauma and gives her a little nudge to let go of her own anxiety and self-doubt and lean into expansion and really helps you find a place of self-compassion.

And to our listener out there who is equally feeling the pain of some past trauma...We urge you to find a quiet place to play this episode. Go through the experience with Shelby and Marianne...Close your eyes, listen to Marianne's powerful words and learn to let go yourself.

This is a journey we can all go on together! And if you love this episode and are finding value in the Dear Midlife podcast, leave us a review and let us know what you're able to let go of today. We love you and you are NOT alone!

In this episode we learn to:

Let go of struggle and know who you are
Experience and nature are the portals to who you really are if you can be present enough to listen
Understand that everything we need is within us
Get outside into nature everyday and "ground yourself" we are electromagnetic beings and this helps us recharge.
Give yourself permission to break free of your little box and stop "playing the game". It is time to reclaim our power.

Facebook | marianne.mcguire.90

www.LetGoAndKnow.com to receive a Free Gift

Marianne’s Book: From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness, and Fulfillment

Audiobook version:

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Vickie Lynn is a freedom fighter and overcomer, rising out of the ashes from 25 years of narcissistic abuse. She’s a faith-based, high conflict co-parenting and divorce coach reaching back into the fire to help other single mommas sharing custody with their narcissistic / abusive ex.

For any of you leaving a narcissistic relationship behind and who have kids, you know that the feeling of being lost or diminished doesn't end when the relationship does. The kids are always a tie back to the abuse you've endured. Vickie helps women to find their voice, create strong boundaries, and empower their children to do the same despite ongoing post-separation abuse. Her clients gain confidence, clarity, and tap into their own power to end abuse in their lineage and change the course of their lives!

Vickie Lynn will help you reclaim who you once were and help you learn how to respond to all the illogical and absurd crap that your ex throws your way. It isn't easy, but it is so worth being able to redeem some of the power you lost and each small step creates momentum.

In this episode, we discuss:

Leaving the relationship with an abusive ex is one monumental foot forward, but it is really just ther start of a longer journey when kids are involved
Sometimes, we have to look inward and evaluate what we can control. Start with setting small boundaries, which breeds greater confidence.
Once you've reclaimed one small piece of power back, you start from there the next time.
Be honest with your children about the ex's behavior and authentic to yourself. Model open communication and do what is right for your child at the right moment. Don't feel like you have to always shield them from the truth.
Be a safe place for yourself and kids
Journal to alleviate past anger and find new passions. Try new things.

We'd love to hear of your triumph's. Take a moment this week to either think about or establish a purposeful boundary for yourself and let us know what steps you've been able to take to lean into your authentic self.

You can find Vickie at:

Instagram | IG | the_survivor_center

Website: https://thesurvivorcenter.com

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4. Subscribe to the Podcast

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This episode turned into a little mini-therapy session for Trinity! It was fascinating to dig into her personal relationship with her ex as the perfect case study, in this instance, to unpack attachment styles.

Carla Crivaro, is so insightful as a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach. Carla works with men and women (and apparently Podcast Hosts) to help them understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally.

She really helps people connect to their emotions and tune into thier own behaviors and get curious about them...which is how she helps her clients to learn to trust themselves.

Today we discussed:

The inevitability that different attachment styles will be attracted to one another and how to navigate these differences

Attachment styles

Secure attachment is characterized by strong relationships, trust, affection, resilience, and self-esteem.
Anxious attachment styles crave intimacy but are afraid of getting close to other people. They seem needy and worry that their partner doesn’t really love them.
Avoidant attachment styles have a hard time forming close relationships. They are independent and tend to hide their emotions and feel compelled to withdraw when people get too close.
Disorganized attachment styles tend to be a mix of anxious and avoidant. While they crave intimacy and connection, they tend to avoid relationships
The fact that individuals will never be 100% secure in their attachment but will just able to manage their own nervous system in a better way
The importance of being very specific and clear about your intentions with a partner.
How women assume the role of caretaker because it helps us feel needed, but this can be disempowering as well and can cause us to lose our own identity
How to listen to your body rather than looking for red flags. When you have a true sense of security and trust yourself, you can stop running and actually get curious about your feelings.

Website | carlacrivaro.com

IG | the.sexuality.sanctuary

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know what YOUR attachment style is!

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4. Subscribe to the Podcast HERE

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Our guest today, Kim Muench wrote a book titled "Becoming Me While Raising You-A Mother's Journey to Herself" Which exactly describes my relationship with my 2 teenage daughters at the moment. I have wanted to be the perfect mother for my daughters, I mean, that's how I roll. But, you know...its frustrating when you do so much and, yet the struggles still exist.

Kim notes that moms are the emotional barometer for their families. Sometimes it becomes evident that the stress and anxiety moms put into being "perfect" is the very thing that creates the same stress/anxiety in our personal relationships.

Our conversation with Kim today speaks into the journey that moms are on and the lessons we learn as we mature as parents and as women. The more I have conversations with our guests, the more I realize the ongoing work I need to do on MYSELF and how THAT (in itself) will transform my relationships with those I love the most. I need to stop being what I think other people want me to be and just BE ME. And, while I thought I knew who that was, I'm realizing more and more that I'm still figuring it out!

Today Kim helps us unpack our own limiting beliefs about ourselves so we can live more authentically. A limiting belief I have is that I have to be perfect to be loved. And honey...perfect doesn't exist.

In this episode, we discuss:

Acknowledging where we fail as parents, and reminding ourselves not to get stuck in the space where we blame ourselves for our children's behaviors and choices. Staying in that space is not productive.
Past trauma (big T or little t) can impact our current behavior tremendously and become our limiting beliefs such as "I don't matter" or "I don't have a voice"
The definitions of helping vs. enabling. Helping is giving assistance to someone when they can't do it for themselves. Enabling is doing something for someone else that they can/should do for themselves and then a resentment is formed.
Our children come through us and not for us, except for the lessons they reflect to us during their journey in an effort to grow us up along the way.
The 4 essential questions to uncover limiting beliefs and shift them into beliefs that better serve your relationship to yourself and to those you love the most.
1. What do I believe about myself?
2. Where did that thought/belief come from?
3. Is it true?
4. If it's not true, what is?

Kim's book (published in 2021, Becoming Me While Raising You) was written on the six limiting beliefs she took on in her childhood that played out over and over again in her marriage and parenting until she discovered the 4 critical questions and peeled back the layers of truth to reveal new, healthier beliefs that she now practices everyday.

We know you have your own limiting beliefs. We want to hear from you...Leave us a review or join our FB Community and let us know one of YOUR limiting beliefs!

You can find out more about Kim's mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com.

She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, TikTok and on LinkedIn as well. Kim appears regularly on television news, radio, and podcasts on topics related to conscious parenting.

TikTok |@kimmuenchparentcoach

IG | @Kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

LinkedIn | kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

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Lena Papadopoulos is a life purpose and leadership coach and her superpower is digging deep to the root of an issue to help dreamers, idealists, and visionaries embrace their unique gifts, transform their pain into power, and alchemize their magic into medicine so they can lead with love to live a better life

In today's episode, Lena shares the intregal pieces of her unique Purpose Blueprint Framework that combines evolutionary astrology birth charts to help us ladies understand our soul purpose.

This chick has led an extraordinary life with almost 15 years experience in intercultural learning, community-building, and leadership and has been featured by HuffPost, Elite Daily, World Footprints, The Change School, and more.

Lena has a Master's degree in Cultural Anthropology and a graduate certificate in International Development from the University of Colorado, as well as a B.A. in Sociology and Psychology from Clemson University in South Carolina and has shared this wisdom and expertise with us today to teach us:

Our entire lives, we learn to wear a mask or play a persona and lose our sense of self. In Lena's world view there are 4 purposes we can seek out as we work to reclaim ourselves:
core
soul
life
now
The birthchart is the blueprint to the soul and is a true representation of the truth of who you are
The soul is being put into situations in which the power of the individual to recognize their own worth and detach from those negative situations is tested
Healing and finding your power requires acknowledging and moving through difficulty. It requires sitting WITH your pain…not in your pain
What are the 5 life experiences that have shaped you, what are you proud of and what can you share with other people
The conflict between us is a direct reflection of the misconnect within us

IG @Lena_Papadopoulos

Work with Lena to get YOUR Purpose Blueprint

SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT: Our interview for The Mid-Semester Refresh online event airs TODAY, Monday, October 24th. It's not to late to sign up... but do so quickly because our interview is only available for 24 hours.

Trinity and I talk with hostess Jessyka Coulter about becoming the best YOU possible by living in alignment with your core values. We want you AND your teen to survive “The Dip” and end the semester the best way possible. But, we can’t help if you don’t sign up HERE. DO IT TODAY!

Also, please stay connected on social media for more fun events like this!

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3. FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong
4. Subscribe to the Podcast HERE

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So...I think by now our listener knows that I was in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist...and a few episodes ago Trinity also had a realization that, perhaps, you had (unknowingly) been in a relationship with a narcissist when our guest shared with us some characteristics of narcissistic behavior and these descriptions resonated in that moment and shined a light on what she had been previously unable to see. Our goal in our conversation with Annette is to do the same for you. Being in a toxic relationship can rob a woman of her identity when she finds herself always accommodating the manipulative and abusive behavior of her significant other. The difficult thing is that this behavior can sometimes be sooo pervasive, it's difficult to see.

Being able to put names to behaviors, as our guest, Annette Oltmans, does really can be helpful for our listener out there who is questioning her relationship...and maybe her own sanity...The labels and definitions help to expose the patterns of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.

Our guest Annette is also a victim of covert emotional abuse herself and the Founder and CEO of The M3ND Project, which is a non-profit organization aimed at educating victims, survivors, helpers, and first responders on hidden emotional abuse, domestic violence, and double abuse.

She has conducted years of research - interviewed hundreds of victims, therapists, and faith-based leaders. The results of her research were used in creating the M3ND Project's Responding to Abuse curriculum. She has sooo many valuable resources on the MEND Project's site...so check it out ladies.

And to our listener out there who is starting to have this slow realization that, oh shit, this is MY relationship...know you're not alone. Look and listen for the signs and patterns Annette shared that are summarized below. Get help and get out.

Not all abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are abusers
Narcissists will often use multiple behaviors at once to "attack" or put down their victims. Recognizable behaviors include (but are not limited to)
1. Blame shifting: In blaming, issues are always one-sided or reversed with the problem being laid at the victim’s feet.
2. Joking: “That was just a joke” can be the first sign of an abusive relationship.
3. Minimizing: Abusive belittling of the victim’s perspective. The intention is to make what the victim values unimportant, and therefore, kill confidence, creativity
4. Countering: Doing the opposite of what the victim requests
5. Deflection: When a concern is raised by the victim and the narcissist changes the topic to avoid responsibility
6. The pillars of abuse are the "ingredients" for narcissism
7. A faulty belief system: Deeply rooted belief that you're required to submit to their lead
8. Image Management: A strong awareness of how others perceive them
9. Hierarchical or Preferential Treatment: When societal/social norms or the individual's status in the community or relationship prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their behavior
10. Entitlement: They feel they are entitled, regardless of merit, that they deserve preferential treatment
11. Another term for co-dependency is "Self-love deficit disorder" the victim must seek out support through a trained therapist
12. Double abuse is when the victim finally finds the courage to speak out against her abuser and then is condemned, criticized, and ignored by her surrounding community, which create additional abuse/harm to the victim
13. The marriage recovery center is one of the true trusted resources trained to help couples resolve these situation

If this content and messaging is resonating with you, please leave us a review and share the episode with someone you know might benefit from hearing the same message.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Calling all parents of teens! Trinity and I would love to share with you an event that we are participating in called the Mid-Semester Refresh. I mean, seriously...moms of teens live crazy busy lives. But, this pod is all about finding ways to help YOU be your best self and momentum is created from one small action.

You may be thinking, “I don’t have time for any more action!” And, I totally get it. But, rethink! With one click, you have the opportunity to improve your relationship with your teen. School no longer
has to be a major stressor in your family. Click HERE now to learn how.

You know we got your back and are here to help you live a better life. We’ve joined forces with Jessyka Coulter, study skills tutor, to speak at her free event, The Mid-Semester Refresh. From Oct 24th to the 30th, you’ll have the chance to learn why your teen does the things they do. (Some of it really is explainable lol!)

Visit this LINK to sign up to watch 20+ great interviews, receive free gifts, and maybe even win a prize. The motivation is a better life, a strong end to the semester with your teen. As a busy mom of 2 teen girls who is on the struggle bus on so many days...I'm going to make time to be there. What will you choose?

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Ok ladies....we're going to play a little game of word association today...raise your hand if you've ever...

snapped at your kids
Felt overwhelmed and exhausted
Grabbed a handful of crappy food to snack on at the soccer game or on the road in-between
Felt down and depressed
gave everything you had to everyone else and had nothing left for yourself
despised being a mom (girl-we have all been there)

Ok, girl, here's the deal...this is no way to live your...life running on empty all the time. As our guest today, Melissa Rohlfs says, you can't pour from an empty cup. Trust us...we've tried it for YEARS...so, we speak from experience!

We women think this is how we gain street cred, right? It's like we wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor...seeing who can outdo the other with all the damn giving. Ladies....this is NOT a competition....and it's time....oh, yes....it's time! Time to stop thinking self-care is selfISH and start taking care of your health, girl. That's right...you know, we women don't realize there is a TREMENDOUS connection with your mental clarity and overall health...and it all starts in your gut.

Yes ma'am! So true....so, today we ask YOU...Are you ready to be free & feel at peace with food, your body and your life? Because our guest today, Melissa, offers help and hope to the mama who feels overwhelmed, stuck and wants freedom to enjoy life AND motherhood Happy. Healthy. Free. The woman you desire to be is in there, waiting to come out. Are you ready?

Melissa is a Board Certified Holistic Health and Life Coach. This woman has so many certificates and degrees, we can't call them all out here. She's here today to help YOU stop putting yourself at the bottom of your priority list.

That's right. No more stressful binge eating escapades because life is stressful and you feel pressed. {Hiding in the bathroom or pantry, anyone?}

You don’t have to live in overwhelm.

You can live without feeling down or depressed.

You can live without feeling anxious and frustrated.

You can enjoy life AND motherhood!

No more thinking you aren’t good enough because you aren’t perfect.

So, HOW you ask? In this episode, Melissa shares with us some seriously insightful tips and techniques to handle your feelings, lose weight, feel good and regain the energy and mental clarity you're looking for!

What you put into your body has a tremendous impact on your overall mental health, clarity, vitality and physical health
You can not pour from an empty cup. You cannot give all you have to others without replenishing your own energy.
There is a huge connection between the gut and the brain and our diet has been linked to ADHD, depression, anxiety and a variety of other mental and physical health disorders.
Prepare in advance grab and go snacks made of whole foods, which are those foods that have the least packaging (think the produce section of the grocery store) and fewest ingredients
Sugar is 9x more addictive than cocaine. When you have a craving, ask yourself "What am I looking for in this moment?"
Use simple swaps when removing sugar. For example, low glycemic coconut sugar vs. cane sugar

Grab Melissa's Ultimate Guide on Body Freedom and Peace here.

Let's Chat - Get the coaching and clarity you need to get unstuck and find your calm, confident self. Schedule a coffee chat with Melissa today.

Website | Free2BCoaching

Facebook | Melissa Rohlfs Coach

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Oh my goodness, I can't wait to speak to our guest today...I'm already crying (who's surprised?). Our guest Dottie Lawrence has touched my life, personally, by helping my daughter through a particularly difficult time in life and I really owe so much to her. Dottie, herself, experienced tremendous difficulties at a young age and was raised, in part, by a father who struggled with mental illness. It seems unexpected that those with such difficulties are able to heal and move on. However, as she became an educator in adulthood, Dottie found herself in a position where she had tools at her disposal to dig into her own past trauma. She dove deep to understand the the ways in which this trauma was showing up in her life, heal, and mend key personal relationships. Now, she's even able to forge new relationships in a healthy and meaningful way.

She brought her passion for mindfulness to her role as a school administrator, creating a mindfulness program to enhance the well-being of students and strengthen their social and emotional skills as learners. And now, as a Lead Trainer for FuelEd Schools for 5 years, leads workshops with educators to provide them with the social and emotional skills essential for building relationships in schools with students and faculty.

Maybe you have had a relationship in your life that doesn't feel right or healthy. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel afraid to connect with people and hold friends and romantic or personal relationships at an arms distance, while you remain safe behind an invisible wall? Perhaps, you feel anxious that the party with whom you're in a relationship is about to leave at any moment and that they don't value you in the same way you do them? Have you ever thought about why you feel this way?

I just went out with a guy on probably 8-10 dates. We really connected, he actually knew how to carry on a conversation. However, I realized that each time we were together there was some thing he said or did that was a little triggering for me. The closer he tried to get and the more of my time he wanted, the more inclined I felt to pull away.

This experience has caused me to dig into my own past traumas and try to figure out why this has always been, frankly. Thank goodness we have Dottie here to help us unpack all of our shit! Dottie is the real deal. She holds a degree in Psychology and a Masters in Education. In our episode today, she will walk us through practicing social and emotional skills like showing empathy to others in difficult situations, Emotional Regulation and will help us to better understand Attachment Theory and how (and why) our attachment styles form.

Dottie has sooo much goodness to share like:

Understand our attachment style as the characteristic way in which you relate to others in your intimate relationships and is heavily influenced by the self-worth and interpersonal trust that was developed with your caregivers as a child
Move beyond attachment styles and begin to resolve the differences in approach by using empathy. When you change your dance steps, the other person is forced to change theirs and it can change and heal the relationship
Leverage the "perspectrum" to identify the spectrum of things you can consider when you'e taking someone else's perspective and use the tool to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings.
1. What's the problem they're having?
2. What do they need right now?
3. What are they feeling?
4. What's the story they're telling themselves?
5. What do they value?
6. Use the 3-part "genuine statement" when communicating your needs with empathy: 1. identify and state the behaviors (when this happens), 2. call to light the impact of the behaviors (this is the impact on me) 3. State how it makes you feel (and this is how I feel)
7. Avoid using empathy blockers: "Silver Lining", "Fixer-Upper", "Interrogating", "Discounting" and "Stealing the Thunder"

So many of you reached out saying how much you liked our last guests core self quiz, that today, we're including a quiz for attachment styles. So, find the link in our show notes, take the quiz and leave us a review and let us know what YOUR attachment style is.

We'd love your help on the reviews because positive reviews and your participation are how we can keep this show going! So, if you're loving the Dear Midlife podcast, please let us know. We'd love to hear from you!

It's Not About the Nail Video

Book Recommendations

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk

Atlas of the Hear: Mapping Meaningful Connecting and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown

What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry

IG Influencers

@the.holistic.psychologist

http://www.facebook.com/FuelEdSchools

@fueledschools.org

Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love

What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

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Joey Chandler WAS a purpose-based relationship coach and host of the Love Launch Podcast...BUT, then he woke up one day and found that he was facing the similar midlife identity struggles we know you are also facing out there. He didn't know who he was or how he could show up for his clients to coach them to set big goals and pursue their dreams when he, himself, couldn't even get out of bed in the morning...

Joey saved his own life by getting very clear about who he was at his core and being MORE of THAT. In that space, he discovered the answers and next life steps he was looking for. Today, he's evolved his business and has become a Core Growth Coach and the founder of Core Growth Academy. Here he helps others get closer to who they are at their core and lean into their core self to overcome challenges faster and with less stress. Given the chaos, uncertainty, and demands of life these days, nothing is more helpful than knowing who you are at your Core. Trinity and I working to incorporate these principles into our lives and are finding we feel more grounded, confident, and energized.

Social media links (if applicable) @joeychandler70 everywhere

THE CHALLENGE: Go to Www.joeychandler.net to find out who YOU are at your core. Leave us a review and let us know the results! Shelby is Happiness at her core = Contribution, Appreciation and Song

Trinity is Joy at her core = Connection, Family + Friends, play

Joey has taught us so much about ourselves today and we hope these lessons resonated with you as well...

At the end of the day YOU are all you have and you can make a big difference in your life by being more of yourself
Finding your Core Self is different than finding your core Values
Ask yourself 3 all important questions: 1. Who are you, 2. What's important to you and. 3. How do you bring more of THAT into your life?
The more that you can tap into the core of who you are, whether its love, joy, happiness, excitement or freedom, and what they mean to you; the more you can find answers and solutions for how to live your life that work.

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Our guest on the show today is Chelli Pumphrey. Chelli is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Therapist, Author and Relationship Coach with almost 30 years of clinical experience. She specializes in working with trauma, adult attachment, narcissistic abuse, and pathological love relationships and is the author of Insight is 20/20: How To Trust Yourself To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships.

This topic is so important. I know because I speak from personal experience. I was in a relationship with someone who I've come to realize was a covert narcissist and was in this abusive relationship for 16 years. I stayed because for much of the time, I didn't even understand or realize that what I was experiencing was narcissistic abuse. Chelli helped me to understand the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde behavior I experienced with my ex created cognitive dissonance which made it difficult for me to really grasp the reality I was facing. As the abuse escalated, I adapted my own behavior to accommodate my abuser and in that space, I completely lost myself. You'll also hear Trinity have a personal revelation in this podcast….so we can't wait to dive in with you.

As a Certified Integrated Medicine Mental Health Practitioner and Reiki practitioner, Chelli is passionate about integrative, holistic mental health, believing that mind, body, and spirit should be nurtured throughout the healing journey. Passionate about educating the public about toxic relationships. And man did she impart some amazing wisdom on our show today.

The research shows that narcissism likely genetic and inherited in some way and "hardwired" into our personality. Therefore, it is difficult for a narcissist to change their behavior.
Women who are kind, empathetic and agreeable are often drawn into these relationships and narcissists will "prey" on partners with these qualities and characteristics.
Conscientiousness and traits like loyalty and being goal driven keep you in the relationship…
Cognitive dissonance can be described as the mental conflict that exists when your beliefs are not aligned with your actions.

Chelli founded Trilogy Holistic Mental Health in Denver, CO, and currently serves as Clinical Director of both Trilogy and Strength in Motion Counseling in Boulder, CO. She maintains her own private practice where she offers toxic relationship recovery coaching programs and serves on the Board of Advisors for the Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment, Research & Education.

You can find Chelli:

Website | https://www.chellipumphrey.com

Facebook | Chelli Pumphrey Therapy

Instagram | Chelli Pumphrey

LinkedIn | Chelli Pumphrey

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Our guest today is Helen Ryan. She has a walking podcast, which is a super interesting concept, she "coaches" you on the podcast as you walk. It's like having your own personal exercise coach with you while you walk telling you to speed your pace, slow down…genius. She has authored 3 book and traveled the world. And when asked what was the catalyst to all of these endeavors, Helen says simply, "desperation." You see, like you, Helen hit 51 and felt burned out and exhausted. So what else was there to do but throw caution to the wind and put everything she owned in storage, begin traveling as a digital nomad and re-igniting the passion for life that she had lost.

I hear of soo many women in mid-life feeling like they're stuck. We are talking you you. Raise your hand if you don't know who you are any longer and and can't seem to recall what brings you joy. We were both their ourselves!

What we love about Helen is that she has this affinity to try on new personas and just take a small step figure it out who she is and what she wants to become. She's been a fitness instructor, author and now has tried on this nomad lifestyle…I think she's still figuring it out…but, I think there's a great lesson here that trying something new is a first step in finding yourself.

And ladies...we're putting a challenge out there to you today. If you're listening, we challenge YOU to try something new this week. It doesn't have to be big like selling everything you own and hitting the road….it can be something small. But take that first step yourself. Leave us a review and tell us what new thing you tried this week!

If you're interested in connecting with Helen, you can contact her through the following channels:

Email address*

hello@helenryan.com

Social media links (if applicable)

https://walkingandtalking.show

IG: @midlifecrisistraveller

Facebook: Imperfectly Healthy is your Superpower

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Ladies…I don't know how many of you out there are like me…? I pride myself in being able to go harder, faster, longer than anyone else. It started when I was young…I was on the varsity swim team, debate team, theater, had a part time job, got straight A's helped raise my 3 younger siblings. The madness has continued into adulthood…when I became a single mom I was working a full-time job and managing multiple multi-million dollar projects, playing the role of room parent, PTO Secretary, Girl Scout troop leader…and it wasn't until recently when I started to ask myself why. And my answer was that I've formed an identity around my hustle. It is so much a part of me, I don't know how to stop. I believe it started so long ago because maybe it was the only way I garnered attention from my ever-busy executive parents. Now I hustle because I feel it is the only way I'm seen as worthy. But, I tell you girls, the hustle is killing me. I'm tired. Do you ladies out there feel the same way?

So, today we invite Shonda Moralis onto the show. She is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker and if you're feeling the same way I am…exhausted. Depleted and just like life is one big to-do list, Shonda is here to remind us Don’t Forget to Breathe. She's been there. She HEARS you. Ladies, its time to stop running. Shonda's book "Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytime, Anywhere!" Aims to help women reclaim their peace of mind by centering themselves in the present moment, even while they are being pulled in so many directions. She draws on over 25 years of psychotherapy to provide women the resources they need to take care of themselves through quick, easy meditations that can be done anywhere at anytime.

So, ladies this podcast episode will give you the following insights on how to take much needed breaks in your busy lives so you can be empowered to live a calmer, mor fulfilled life

Mindfulness is paying attention to what's happening in this moment with an attitude of kindness.
Meditation is taking time out of the day to practice the skill of mindfulness…anything we want to do well requires practice
Mindful breaks are opportunities and reminders in which you can drop in in the middle of the day to just be more aware and pull ourselves out of automatic pilot
The framework for mindful breaks includes "breathe, becoming and balance"
It is intentional micro actions, such as "unmuting yourself" and making a contribution to the conversation that can be your catalyst forward toward healing and empowerment
Use the "triangle of awareness" or your thoughts, body sensations and emotions to become more mindful
Mindfulness puts you in a state where you can exercise choice

You can find Shonda's books wherever books are sold:

Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytine, Anywhere!

Breathe Mama Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms

You can find direct access to Shonda and a variety of resources on her website

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast please leave us a review or share this podcast with a friend. We appreciate your ongoing support of our show!

Breathe, Mama, Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms

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Deanne Rose is a women's sexuality coach, massage therapist and birth doula She guides women into remembering and reclaiming their power and magic through connecting with their sexuality and pleasure while helping them to release the guilt, shame and old programming about their bodies and sexuality. After her divorce, I was in search of myself. Like so many women, I lost myself in marriage and motherhood. I didn't know that there was any other way. I felt my sacrificing was a sign of love and commitment. She didn't realize she was actually co-dependency and a desparate lack of self love and worth. She reclaimed my sexual essence as a woman during her year long training in Layla Martin's Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching, now know as VITA coaching. The first 6 months were a deep dive into the shadows and the segmented and unintergrated parts of self. This process, along with plant medicine, helped Deanne heal many layers of trauma and guided her into the truth and acceptance of who she really is. By removing her masks, she is now able to hold a sacred and safe space for her clients to do the same. She understand the benefits of developing radical acceptance of self and strives to be this beacon of light for her clients and people around me. Deanne believes in a world where women are connected to the natural rhythms and cycles of their bodies and of the Earth. This is where women remember their power and reconnect to the highest version of themselves. In this episode, Deanne shares with us how to:

Connect through our throat/voice, our heart and our womb space in order to reach self-actualization.
Use breathwork to start the energy moving through your body
Move your body to release energy and heal trauma. If possible, get back to your primal self.
Use all 5 senses to take in the world around you and as you experience things through your senses ask if these things are life giving or life taking.
Use plant-based medicine for unlocking trauma and suggests this method be done with trusted guides

You can find Deanne using the following links:

The Unbridled Woman FB Group

https://www.deannerose.net/

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Denise Drinkwalter retired after a fulfilling career as an educator and suddenly found that, like many of us, she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. In today's podcast, you'll hear Denise's journey to a new career as an Empowerment Life Coach fulfiling extraordinary work with women in the middle. She has an intuitive gift that affords her the ability to assist women in gaining clarity, perspective, and strength from within. Denise’s specialty is supporting women experiencing the complexity, strain and stressors of the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise’s assists women in tapping into aspects of themselves they have never explored and through her genuine approach, helps women release the burdens, expectations and false beliefs that they have carried around for years. She consistently employs her elite level coaching skills, leaving a trail of positivity, expansion and soul led growth with whomever she has the privilege to guide. Denise has been featured on a variety of Podcasts sharing her expertise as a Certified Priestess Numerologist, a Parenting Coach for Empty Nesters, and maintains a full-time coaching role in Clutter Boss Academy, and is an Expert Coach in Perimenopause Hub based out of the UK. She is also an Executive Contributor for BrainzMagazine. Denise’s signature 8- week course Cut the Cord-Not the Ties is a complete game changer for all Moms experiencing the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise offers group programs and a variety of one-one coaching opportunities for women who are experiencing challenging situations that are keeping them from experiencing life to its fullest using the following best practices:

Think of one experience in which you felt immense joy, sit in that moment and memory and ask yourself, what about that moment can I emulate in my life now?
Look within yourself to determine what you need for you, by you and because of you.
Get out of your cognitive self and listen to your body and emotions.
Go into nature and tune in to what is around you using all of your senses. You can use external nature to help you tap into your inner self.
Look at listen for patterns and signs to guide you
Use the interrupter question, "How does this serve me?"

If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review!!

Email address: denisedrinkwalter@gmail.com

Website: denisedrinkwalter.com

Social media links

https://www.instagram.com/denisedrinkwalter/ https://www.facebook.com/DeniseDrinkwalterCoaching https://www.linkedin.com/in/denisedrinkwalter/

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Today we welcome to the podcast Lucas Lowe who is a partner, dad, boss, Life Coach and CEO of Dorado Consulting Group.

Lucas shares with us his wide range of experiences and expertise that include: Aviation Maintenance, Management, Team Building, Sober Living, Bicycles, Vanlife, Progress and Productivity, Teaching/Training/Coaching, Real Estate Investing, as well as Housing and Community Development, AND at the same time he reminds us that we are so much more than our careers and skill sets.

Lucas has survived drug and alcohol addiction, facing felony drug charges, the loss of a lifetime career in the aviation industry (due to no fault of his own) and nearly losing his marriage. It was a fall to his rock bottom in which Lucas realized that he was in a life or death situation and wanted to choose life. Perhaps you've been there too? Maybe not the proverbial "rock bottom" an addict experiences. But, I guarantee each of you out there in our audience have felt this way at some point in your life. You look at yourself and don't like who you’ve become. You feel stuck and know you need to make a shift..but how?

Lucas is a Certified NLP practitioner and Life Coach who will share with us his journey as he overcame each challenge. He provides critical tools that will help you reevaluate your traumas in a new light so you can overcome them. He'll recommend ways in which you can realign with who you are at your core (not in the way others conveniently categorize you) to find true identity and inner peace.

In this episode, Lucas shares with us the following lessons"

People are so much more complex that what you see at face value
Be open minded to take as much advice and wisdom from others who have walked the path before you as possible.
Look to the personas and identity of others you admire to fill the space until you form your own identity of self
Revisit your identity every couple of years and keep it detached from the external ideals that have traditionally defined us (such as jobs or skill sets)
Write down your stories and get them out of your head. When you do, you can reframe old narratives and look at them in a new way.
Keep a journal focused on ESP…Effort, Success and Progress. Document one thing you put extra effort into, one success and one thing in which you made progress each day.

Please leave us a review and kindly let us know what you enjoy about this podcast. We feel so strongly about the message we are putting out into the world…that the midlife identity "crisis" doesn't have to be a crisis. We hope these messages are resonating with you! Let us know how!

You can find Lucas at:

Email: Downlowiss@gmail.com

IG | @lowielowe

Lucas Lowe on Facebook

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While Heather Wylde Smith is an Ethical Biz Coach with a passion for helping online coaches sell their services without feeling like they are selling their souls, she’s also adept at deep transformational coaching through structured journaling, anger work, and energy healing. In this episode we focus in on how Heather has triumphed over breast cancer and navigated a challenging relationship with a narcissistic father and has been able to reinvent her life at 46. She shares with us her approach to journaling as a tool for healing past traumas and old wounds with a unique stubborness so that you can live a life you love.

If you believe you are in a narcissistic relationship, evaluate the behaviors
Use structured journaling as a way to heal
1. Name of person you're upset with
2. Identify the observable behaviors to which you are having a strong emotional response
3. What else does this incident remind you of?
4. Name the emotions that are showing up for you
5. How did you contribute, without taking responsibility to the other person's behavior
6. What will you do differently and/or what resources do you need to make this change?
Be stubborn in your healing…try everything until you find the right fit or solution for you
Surround yourself with people who are on a growth path

Mentioned in the podcast: Dr. Ramani on Healing from narcissism

Email address: Wyldecoach@gmail.com

Website | Heather Wylde Smith

Facebook | Heather Wylde Smith

Online Entrepreneur's Survival Guide on Amazon

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Trisha Gudka is a Happiness coach….but, she wasn't always happy. No, ladies, when Trisha reached 40, the age where many of us groan feeling that life is half over, Trisha sighed that she was ONLY 40 and couldn't believe how many more years of life she would have to endure. Like many women in midlife, Trisha had suffered her fair share of trauma over the years that included sexual abuse and even assault that sent her into a depression in her late 20’s. She was 42 when she decided to reclaim her life. The truth is it took many years before she even realized that she needed help.

You may know what that's like ladies….It's like you're going through the motions of your life and you gradually lose your happiness without even realizing it until one day you can’t find a real smile or a genuine laugh. Trisha came to realize that every day brought with it a growing feeling of emptiness. She was surrounded by people but felt completely alone. She knew she had to find a way out! Thankfully, Trisha was able to overcome depression one day at a time with guidance from doctors and self-perserverance and now helps women to overcome depression using the system that worked for her. She provides actionable exercises and strategies to fall in love with exactly who you are - mind and body, so that her clients can live happy and fulfilled lives.

In today's episode, Trisha teaches us to:

Know your "why" healing is a journey and knowing your why will give you the drive to persevere
Be responsible for your own happiness. Your significant other, your children and others around you are not.
Always look for the other story you can tell about any situation
Embrace the small moments…happiness is not a destination. It lives in these small moments accumulated over time.
Every day write down one thing you are grateful for about life and one thing you are grateful for about yourself

Trisha Gudka_Facebook

IG @trishgudka

Click this link to access Trisha's 5 Steps to Leave Depression Behind course.

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Allyson Roberts knows what it takes to make it in this world. As a young woman, she found herself homeless, pregnant, and forced to live in her car. However, Allyson was able to persevere and harness the power of adversity to overcome her circumstances and thrive. Now she helps others do the same.

Her system of Personalized Science, the combination of brain work and spirituality, combined with her grace and sense of humor has made Allyson a highly sought after coach, speaker, and business collaborator. Recently, Allyson was recognized by Feedspot, a Forbes affiliate, in their designation of Top 100 Coaches in the World.

Allyson is the founder of Outrageous Freedom and best-selling programs such as Painless Pivots to Power and Unapologetic Power. Her book, The Spiritual Journey: The Part No One Talks About, is available wherever books are sold.

You can find Allyson on her website

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife Podcast, please leave us a review

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Trinity and I are really focusing our attention on the idea of identity. So many of us in midlife go through the proverbial "Identity Crisis" where we feel lost, stuck and don't know who we are or where we're going. Our guest today helps us to get beyond feeling stuck and teaches us to re-write our own stories by knowing our strengths and skills and applying them in new ways. Gloria Coppola has been divorced, widowed, struggled through a narcissistic relationship, built a successful business while raising 2 kids only to be embezzled by a crooked accountant who took advantage of her while she was mourning the death of her husband. She has overcome, grown stronger and risen above it all. She has healed from emotional and physical trauma and reinvented herself time and time and time again. Gloria is proof to us women in midlife that the only limits we have are those limits that are self-imposed. She encourages us to own our own power, take control of our lives and get off our asses and make life happen. She reminds us that life, is what we make it and that power comes with inspired action. Ladies, you are in control of your own destinies, so get out there and make it happen.

In today's episode Gloria reminds us to:

Know what you want to align with
Take stock of the skills and capabilities you have. Open your mind to how you can use these skills in other places and other ways to rise above your circumstances.
Focus on moving forward, don't look back
Learn to ask for help
Take a true honest look at yourself in the mirror and OWN who you are
Listen to and follow-through with your intuition because it will lead you to and prepare you for things to come

You can find Gloria at:

Gloria Coppola_Facebook Page

Gloria Coppola Publishing Website or Gloria Coppola Website

Check out her new book called "Too Many Goodbyes" on Amazon

Too Many Goodbyes ON PRE-SALE NOW at BARNES & NOBLE

Gloria@gloriacoppola.com

Gloria offers a free intentional journal writing course

and is taking group on a writing retreat to Italy in August 2023

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Kendra Beavis is the Founder, and CEO of the brand strategy studio, MOKA Creative. Although her business has been successful, her proudest achievement has been her personal growth. She survived a tumultuous marriage, battled with several addictions as well as navigated the path through single-motherhood.

Each of these moments was a fork in the road for her. At each point, she could have turned to despair and darkness. It would have been easy to give up. However, she didn’t just persist… she thrived! Kendra has learned how to use her biggest challenges as fortifiers — Her traumas have become catalysts for radical growth to move forward and live her best life.

Now she wants to share her “Brand New You Method” with women who are looking to move past their trauma and start living their best life. Together with her clients, she walks them through the steps to figuring out who they want to be, how they want to feel every day, and what they want their lives to look like. Using the BNY method they are able to find clarity, confidence, and inspiration to take aligned action.

Through Kendra's stories of her own trials and triumphs we learned:

Take the things that break you down and use them to learn and grow
Reinvention starts with identifying how do you want to feel everyday and what do you want a typical day to be like?
Create a vision board for who you want to be by "cherry picking" the characteristics and attributes of others you admire. Then "try on" new personas.
Discover and align to your personal core values
Don’t be afraid to reach out, tell people your story and ask for help
Try something new. If you don't like it, don't do it again. But, test new theories and explore new selves
Forgive yourself and when you have a bad day, create your own personal "recovery kit"

Follow Kendra on IG

Guided Meditation

Brand New You Program at discounted pricing! Hurry and Sign Up!

USE PROMO CODE MIDLIFE

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Our guest today, Cindy Drummond, found herself in a unique situation. She woke up one day to find her, then, significant other was being arrested for some serious crimes. In the blink of an eye, Cindy's world had been turned upside down. She fled the situation with her two daughters in tow and had to start again from the basement of her parent's house. She'd lost trust in others and faith in herself.

But, these moments are what define our character. Perhaps, some of you in our audience have similarly find yourselves feeling a bit lost amidst significant life shifts and wonder what to do next. Cindy learned quickly that action creates momentum and self-imposed goals are the catalyst to action. In a short period of time, Cindy founded a network of women by forming the Women Only Weekend and found a new tribe. She also boldly went on 50 dates in 52 weeks and, well…you'll have to listen to the podcast to find out how that experiment went! You can also read about it in her book "Reflections from the Dating Pool. A Story About Resilience, the Importance of Finding your Tribe and the Power of Falling in Love with Yourself." Cindy could have easily portrayed the victim in this situation. But she, instead, chose to uncover her own personal interests and desires through journaling and meditation and, then, pursued these daily fueled by courage and determination to face and triumph over the things that made her most uncomfortable. To many, this path may sounds difficult…the reward, however, is a renewed trust and love for herself. By having the strength to face her own fears and discomforts, she saved her own life.

In this episode Cindy teaches us to:

Find your "tribe" and spend time with people who lift you up and empower you
Do what terrifies you
Put as much into the experience as somebody else is putting into the experience when building relationships with others
Practice gratitude, listen to your own instincts and learn to trust yourself
Sometimes you have to go through some "yucky stuff" in order to find what brings you joy
Use self-imposed challenges as a catalyst for action

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife Podcast, please leave us a review or send us an email at dearmidlife@gmail.com to let us know of topics that may be of interest to you.

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Our guest today is Mindy Gorman-Plutzer, a certified functional nutritionist, lifestyle practitioner and eating psychology coach with over 25 years of experience. Mindy is passionate about helping others recover from eating disorders and create a healthier lifestyle. Mindy’s approach to eating disorders tackles the root cause of the issue, and emphasizes that how and why you eat is just as important as what you eat. Through her integrative approach, she also looks at the impact disordered eating has on one’s daily life, digestion and hormones.

Her life experience and training inspired her to create a framework that combines functional nutrition, positive psychology, and mind/body science called the Freedom Promise. She has established a compassionate resolution to physical and emotional challenges resulting from chronic and complex health issues, as they relate to Eating Disorders, specifically for women in midlife.

This message is so powerful for me because I've had an eating disorder for over 20 years and I've come to realize that I've had such a difficult time overcoming this disorder because so much of who I am is entangled in what I put into my body. I associate my worth with how I look and have a skewed view that when I eat something outside of my strict protocols I will somehow become unlovable. In this episode, Mindy helps us to reveal these misconceptions for what they are and help us take small steps toward recovery.

Mindy is the author of The Freedom Promise: 7 Steps To Stop Fearing What Food Will Do TO You and Start Embracing What It Can Do FOR You and provides us a wealth of information in this interview including:

The limbic part of your brain remembers that when you're born, you are nurtured and felt safe by eating.
Doing recovery and being recovered are two different things
Stop fearing what food will do to you and embrace what it will do for you
F.R.E.E.D.O.M is
1. Find you're enough
2. Rest and digest
3. Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're not
4. Eat mindfully
5. Do something everyday to make your body feel alive
6. Only eat whole foods and
7. Make sure you surround yourself with what truly nourishes
We need to learn to trust our bodies. We will never love what we don't trust or trust what we don't love
There are 3 kinds of emotional eating…and these don’t have to be negative. We just have to look at the "why" behind each. Recovery starts with awareness and curiosity.

You can find Mindy at the following:

The Freedom Promise_Website

mindy@thefreedompromise.com

IG @thefreedompromise

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast and relate to these topics, please share your story with us at dearmidlife@gmail.com or leave us a review.

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Today we have an extraordinary conversation with Brian Mattson. He is here to discuss with us Attachment Styles and how they affect our adult relationships. Attachment styles refer to the particular way in which an individual relates to other people. The style of attachment is formed at the very beginning of life, and once established, it is a style that stays with you and plays out in how you relate in intimate relationships and in how you parent your children in the current day. As a psychotherapist he explores how attachment styles and trauma (with big T and little t) limit intimacy in romantic and personal relationships.

Brian says love is always in the listening, and insecure attachment and trauma decrease our ability to listen. As a result, he spends most of his time helping clients regulate their nervous systems so they can really listen and stay present. In this episode, Brian takes us through an exercise in which we tap into how to begin to regulate our nervous system and truly hear and honor what our bodies are telling us.

Brian is a licensed marriage and family therapist. His work is influenced by almost 20 years in private practice, A 25+ year Meditation Practice in-depth Reading of Eastern Philosophy, and Extensive World Travel. He has a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology and a Bachelor’s Degree in History. In today's episode, we explore:

Attachment styles as a framework that is laid over the true self that are based on how we are related to or not related to by our primary care given between the ages of 0-3.
The simplicity of life when we know how we want to feel…then the choices we make either help us to expand into that feeling or contract away from it.
How to grow spiritually by increasing our capacity to bear discomfort and staying in contact with self
Asking yourself what a "securely" attached person do in this situation?
Listening to your impulses and inhibitions…
Finding the "no's". What are you saying yes to that should be a "no", honor what you need.

Your Brain on Love by Stan Tatkin PSYD

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast, please leave us a review!

Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships

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Hallie Hudson started as a dating coach over 5 years ago with an online coaching program to help women find love later in life. Everything she does is built upon the foundational belief that “discovering yourself” isn’t about creating or establishing a new identity. It is about removing the stories, beliefs, and patterns others have been using to define you. The tools we discuss in this podcast are:

Release Writing

Body Compass

Naming an emotion

And they will help you navigate the emotions that come with letting go of old stories and personas so you can find your true self and live authentically.

When we reach midlife, we've spent so much time playing the roles of mom, wife, sister or dauther, it is easy to lose sight of our identity and value. If this is where you find yourself lately, perhaps, feeling lost, We're confident that this interview with Hallie will provide you insight as to how to move through your emotions, let go of old stories and rediscover your identity. If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast, please share your favorite episode with a friend and leave us a review.

In this episode, we learn:

Find your own way to Meditate. What activity or experience puts you fully in focus?
Leverage what is innate and honor who you are. But, don't let your introversion or extraversion become an excuse
You HAVE to FEEL your feelings. You really only feel your emotions in your body briefly (for about 90 seconds). It the stories we tell ourselves that cause us to stay in an emotional state.
If necessary, defer feeling your emotions to a specific time, then honor the emotion, journal, write about it allow it to come up and pass at that time.
Going through your emotions gets easier over time. But, you have to do it in order to appreciate the happy moments.

Books

Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink

Heal Your Body by Louise Hay

FB | How to Single Without Lonliness

Gretchen Rubin | The Four Tendancies Book

Jonathan Fields | Sparked Book

Assessments

Gretchen Rubin | 4 Tendancies

Sparketype Assessment

Human Design

Hallie Hudson Peavey, Owner

▶︎ Visit Our Website!

Hallie Hudson Communication Strategies

Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win

Sparked: Discover Your Unique Imprint for Work that Makes You Come Alive

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Aga Lawrynowicz is a mom of two school-age girls and a stepmom of two college boys. After becoming a mother and discovering that nothing about motherhood went as predicted, Aga dedicated years to her personal healing and realized that empowering moms and creating community are her passions. In her 40s, she quit her oil and gas consulting career to go back to school and receive a coaching certificate.

Aga left Poland at 22 and has lived in five countries on two continents before she moved to Seattle in 2011.

As a life coach, Aga is committed to deconstructing the common image of motherhood promoted by our culture. She helps moms find ease, settle into their maternal identity, and get grounded in their feminine power.

Trinity and I have become fascinated with this idea of shedding the personas you've assumed throughout your life that may no longer serve you and finding who you are at the core. Aga provides us tips on how to do just that:

Our first identity that we acquire is by pursuing some kind of validation from the external world and we do this for survival. But, it may not be who we ARE.
Your identity needs to be rooted in your values, not beliefs
Ask yourself "What do I need RIGHT NOW?"
You can control your circumstances, but you have a choice of what you’re going to do with what you have.
Take what you can get. Self-Care doesn't need to take 5 hours. Take just five minutes to step into the sun or breathe while you fill the pasta pot with water. It all adds up.
There are no wrong choices…it's really about how aligned you are with your choices

You can find Aga at:

Website: Choose Clarity

IG @ChooseClarity

The Power Mom Method Program

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast, please leave us a review! We'd love to hear from you.

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Terrie Vanover is a Divorce Healing Strategist who went through a horrendous divorce herself and ended up homeless, broke, and broken financially, emotionally and even physically after being hit by a van and suffering numerous injuries. Now she’s living her dream life helping others to heal after divorce and has even created a relationship with her ex where they get along great, hang out, and do everything to support each other and their beautiful children. Now, she works with others to heal their traumas and do the inner work and forge new, healthy relationships. She use actionable exercises and strategies that can be implemented in real life to quickly increase your self worth so you can no longer be triggered, set healthy boundaries, and feel at peace no matter what is going on externally.

In this episode, Terrie shares with us the following strategies

Healing includes "consciously surrendering" to your feelings. You have to feel your feelings in order to move through them
You cannot solve internal problems with external solutions. It requires mindfulness practices and reparenting yourself
For many people, the red flags we see in new relationships…feel like home and become comfortable. So we are attracted to those people because its easier to stay in that space
Meditation can help you achieve a state of mind in which you can respond and not react.
Adopting new and healthy rituals are important because they can help rewire your brain
Use forgiveness to release toxic emotions. It is for yourself. It doesn't not mean absolution…A forgiveness letter that you write (for yourself only) will help you to release negative thoughts and is a great place to start

You can find Terrie at:

Choosing to Rise Website

https://www.facebook.com/terrie.vanover.9

IG @vanoverterrie

YouTube TerrieVanover.tube

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Gayle Lynn is a relationship coach focused on “What do you do when your partner wants to have sex with another person?” or maybe YOU want to have sex with someone else? She has a passion to empower women to make educated choices about their relationships. She has personally experienced her spouse coming to her and expressing his desire to have sex with someone else. So many people will go out and cheat on their partner when there is a better way to handle the situation. Creating open and honest communication is key in these situations. Big feelings come up and many people don’t know how to process them. Having someone who has no agenda and creates a space where there will be no shame or guilt is what her clients experience.

Through Gayle Lynn’s experience she learned how messy relationships can be when someone is expressing their sexual desires. She helps to navigate family and cultural beliefs, communication pitfalls, processing emotions and more. Her desire is that her clients will be able to evolve their relationships into what they desire and achieve inner peace. For some this may be creating more intimacy in the marriage, opening the marriage and for some it may be a divorce. Whichever decision is made she can guide you through it without judgment or an agenda. She is trained in the Chopra method of coaching and uses her C.A.R.E method to facilitate her coaching style.

In this episode, she will share with us valuabe tips and resources such as:

Find out what you want within your marriage and then find ways to consciously pursue what makes you both feel happy and supported. Keep the conversation open.
Learn to love yourself in your own body so you can feel empowered to make decisions for yourself within the frame of your marriage.
There can be no shame, guilt or judgment for getting to what you want for your life.
Those with whom we have relationships in our lives can become a mirror in which we see ourselves and learn more about who we are.
Relationships are just two energetic beings, sharing themselves
Jealously is just a reflection of what you seen in them that you desire in yourself
C.A.R.E Method | Communication, Attachment Style, Really Understanding Yourself, Emotions

You can find Gayle Lynn at

email: Gayle@relationshipsevolving.com

Facebook Relationships Evolving with Gayle Lynn

Book Recommendations

The Ethical Slut

Slow Sex

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Dr. Ashley Funk is the Owner and Founder of Paradise Psychology in Fort Worth, Texas. As a Licensed Psychologist, Dr. Funk specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders and helping caregivers manage unwanted behaviors displayed by their children. She is also passionate about helping her clients improve their relationships through open, effective communication and healthy boundaries. Here are some of her best parenting tips:

Catch you child being good more that you catch them being bad. Use a 5:1 ratio of positive feedback to the negative. Rewarding a child doesn't have to cost money
Self-Care is VITAL. You have to care for yourself FIRST, before you can care for others.
Let your child know they can talk to you about anything and everything.
Social media has been proven to have a negative impact on mental health. Have a handle on your child's access to social media. Know what apps they're using. Know their logins. Know who they are talking to. Limit time and access to certain technologies, when necessary.
Try to limit technology 60-90 minutes before bedtime.
Time out rule of thumb is the child's age + 1 (a 4 year old would sit in time out 5 minutes). If in public, cut the time in half. Know that when you're disciplining a problematic behavior, your child's behavior may get worse before it get's better.

You can find Dr. Ashley at https://paradisepsychologypllc-drafunk.clientsecure.me/ linkedin.com/in/ashley-funk-tx38228

IG: @paradisepsychologypllc

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Stephanie Hickey is a certified sex, love and relationship coach with a special interest in relationship dynamics and personal responsibility within one’s relationship. She coaches individuals on topics related to sex, love and relationships and is beginning to move into coaching couples in session but she has a soft spot for the the one-on-one nature of working with individuals and witnessing them become empowered and transforming their own lives.

She has been with her current partner for 10 years and they are raising 2 daughters together with a third one on the way! The partnership itself is what prompted Stephanie to become interested in relationship coaching because she quickly realized that the very conscious and intentional nature of this partnership was something she did not experience in previous relationships and also not seeing amongst many other relationships.

She has found great meaning in being a witness and ally to those who also want to work their way through challenges, patterns, blocks and boredom. In this episode, Stephanie teaches us:

Sit with your partner and allow each person to first discuss "what are your fears" for two minutes each without interruption from the other person (stream of consciousness), then "what do you love about me" and finally "what do you desire" to open up healthy conversation. Each person will answer each question.
Take the quiz and get you know both your and your partner's erotic blue print.
Find ways to reflect on what drew you to your partner and look for opportunities to recreate that connection
Try to vision with your partner what you want your every day life to look like. Dare to dream the impossible. The conversation will elevate your thinking and give you something to work towards
Journaling is a great tool to help you get out of your head and get clarity of thought
To add a little spice back into the relationship…do something you've never done before in the bedroom. You will feel different… You will see your partner differently…

You can find Stephanie at

www.wonderlovecoaching.com IG @wonderlovecoach Additional Resources:

https://www.youtube.com/c/laylamartintv

https://laylamartin.com/

Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.

This book talks in depth about the female sexuality and why and how sexuality works all grounded in fantastic research. If you've never investigated what turns you on and what turns you off (brakes and accelerators), or if you wonder about spontaneous arousal vs. responsive arousal, this book will definitely change your life. (her website also contains free quizzes to learn more about your sexual temperament and sexual cues: https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets)

Here is Jaiya's website to look more into Erotic Blueprints https://missjaiya.com/ And finally, Esther Perel's area of specialty is eroticism and passion in long term relationships. She has several books (The State of Affairs, Mating in Captivity), many youtube talks, her own podcast, a membership site, a new card game to get good conversations started...the list goes on.

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Azaria Menezes aka The Pussy Fairy is a successful Sex and Relationship coach that works with women, moms, and couples to bust through sexual or emotional blocks, so that they can feel turned on, ecstatic, and orgasmic in and out of the bedroom. Azaria is fueled by a passion for supporting women and couples to be their authentic selves during intimacy and in their relationships so that there is way more room for pleasure, connection, and desire. She loves supporting her clients to re-ignite that spark back into their sexuality or relationships so that they have the capacity to fall more in love with themselves and/or each other.

Azaria has been featured in Cosmopolitan multiple times both online and print, Mindbodygreen, Thrive Global, Kinkly, Giddy, Yahoo, Jack and Gill adult, multiple podcasts, and has hosted workshops at various Universities.

She also hosts the podcast: "Getting Intimate" where she brings practical ways to invite more pleasure into your body relationships and sex life. You can find Azaria on Instagram @azaria.menezes

If you're enjoying Dear Midlife, please subscribe and leave a review!

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 Hello Dear Midlife Listeners…this is a new approach to our interview format in which we have a panel of 6 women together to discuss the topic of dating in midlife. We expect to use this format periodically to infuse new voices into the conversation. Our goal was to make the dialogue feel like happy hour with your best girlfriends. True to our "no holds barred" approach, the conversation is very honest and authentic and dwells on topics that people often question in their own minds, but may not be willing to talk about. In this episode we explore questions such as: * Does Sex Require an emotional connection?

Why does society dictate that a monogamous relationship is the only approach?
How do we change the social or even internal narrative about what is ACCEPTABLE and what is taboo in dating and relationships?
How do we create a space for ourselves and for our partner in which we can openly communicate our needs to ensure that intimacy is a pleasurable experience for both parties…and then
How can we reconcile these choices with own morals, values and beliefs?

So, girls….let's get real and raw…grown folks only for this episode! If you enjoy the conversation , please take the opportunity to leave a review and share the episode with a friend. You may also email us at dearmidlife@gmail.com if you would like to suggest additional topics of interest! https://linktr.ee/DearMidlife

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Dr. Mariza Snyder is a functional medical practitioner, women’s hormone expert and the author of eight books: The newest book, The Essential Oils Menopause Solution, focuses on solutions for women in perimenopause and menopause and the #1 National Bestselling book, The Essential Oils Hormone Solution, focuses on balancing women’s hormones naturally. Other bestselling books are: The Smart Mom’s Guide to Essential Oils and The DASH Diet Cookbook.

For the past twelve years, she has lectured at wellness centers, conferences, and corporations on hormone health, essential oils, nutrition, and detoxification. She has been featured on Dr. Oz, Oprah Magazine, Fox News Health, MindBodyGreen and many publications. Dr. Mariza is also the host of the top rated Essentially You Podcast, (with over 3.5 million downloads) designed to empower women to become the CEO of their health. She is here with us today to have a candid conversation about what the heck is happening to our bodies as we face peri-menopause and menopause…what are the signs and symptoms and what steps we can take right now to see quick results with things like weight gain, exhaustion and brainfog.

Check out her website, drmariza.com, for women's hormone tips, including recipes and remedies.

Check out Essentially You Podcast here: Essentially You Podcast in iTunes

SOCIAL:

FB: @drmarizasnyder

https://www.facebook.com/drmarizasnyder/

Twitter: @drmariza
Insta: @drmariza

https://instagram.com/drmariza/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/drmarizasnyder

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drmariza/

The Essential Oils Hormone Solution: Reclaim Your Energy and Focus and Lose Weight Naturally

The Essential Oils Menopause Solution: Alleviate Your Symptoms and Reclaim Your Energy, Sleep, Sex Drive, and Metabolism

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Desmond Blackburn spent 15 years selling technologies and helping companies define their organizational strategies and achieve their goals. But, then one day he got stuck and couldn't move forward. He knew what he was capable of, he knew what he had to do, but just couldn't get it done. So, he decided to "wave the white flag" and hired his own personal life coach and got done in 4 months what he'd been trying to accomplish for 5 years. Needless to say, his coach helped him to lay out a strategy and hold him accountable for that strategy. Helping others in the same way appealed to Desmond and he shifted his career trajectory to take on the role of life coach. Leveraging a life coach can be a powerful experience to help individuals see their blind spots, identify goals and accelerate achievement of those goals.

90% of Desmond's clients are women just like you. Highly successful, juggling ALL the balls and doing an amazing job…but, who might just feel a bit stuck. In this interview, he identifies the role "perfectionism" plays in standing in the way of progress and gives practical tips to overcome this unsustainable state of mind. He reminds us that what once worked, may no longer serve you and that progress is more important than perfect.

These recovering perfectionists/"Type A" gals loved the juicy tips and bits of wisdom Desmond shares with us in this episode:

What once worked for you may no longer serve you
Perfectionism is NOT sustainable
A healthy desire for excellence is NOT the same thing as "perfectionism" The person with the healthy desire for excellence values progress over perfection.. A perfectionist tells themselves only when I am putting the arrow through the bullseye every time can I be happy.
The message we are telling ourselves "If I'm perfect you will love me" is not consistent with what society values, which is authenticity.
When we lean into being our authentic selves…that is where we find community. There will always be someone who will say…man, you're dealing with THAT…? Me too!
Engage a coach or a therapist for a fresh set of eyes to help you see the sides of yourself you cannot see.
You get to determine who is "qualified" to offer you feedback/advice. Sometimes relationships come into your life for a reason and a season. Maybe its time to "take new applications"

To find Desmond...go to his website at

coachdesmond.com to claim a 1-hr. complimentary session.

Also...check out his

E-Course titled "I Hate Sales"

and his book titled

"How to Fire the Devil as Your Life Coach" (availabe as an audio book, paperback or e-book)

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Bri Collins is the owner of BCRN Aesthetics, one of Houston's leading advanced aesthetic injectors. Bri is a Registered Nurse and uses her experience and extensive training in leading her team to be some of the best in the industry for natural and believable injectable services. BCRN Aesthetics is always evolving and leverages the newest procedures with the team's dedication to education, medical training and friendly personalities to make the services and professionalism this med-spa offers highly sought-after in the Houston area. Bri is not only an entrepreneur, but also embarking on midlife motherhood. Please join us as Bri shares her journey to being one of the leading providers of injectable services and provides us key tips for using these techniques safely to look and feel our best. You can find Bri and book an appointment by going to her website at: https://www.bcrnaesthetics.com/ or find her on IG @bcrnaesthetics

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Amy Denson is a retired professional athlete who was diagnosed with her 2nd autoimmune disorder in 2016. She went from playing professional basketball all over the world to battling professional fatigue and not even recognizing herself in the mirror. From her rock bottom moment, she felt that there had to be a better way and relied on the mindset she built as a professional athlete to pave the way to feeling like herself again--and even better! Currently, she is certified as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP), specializing in thyroid health, striving to support women in advocating for their health, getting their energy back, and feeling like themselves again.

This is a message that is near and dear to my heart. I am confident that so many women are needlessly suffering. Please listen to Amy's words of wisdom and key takeaways and become an advocate for your own health:

The most important key to good health is stress management
Be an advocate for your own health. You are the only expert of your own body
Focus on whole, single-ingredient foods
Weight loss should be a biproduct of you gaining energy
Getting to the root cause of your issues will take time and is often trial and error. Be patient. You're worth it.
Its not ONLY about what you eat, but also about how you eat. Listen to your body and eat mindfully
1. Eat in a calm state
2. Chew your food. Put your fork down between bites
3. Have a savory breakfast
4. Drink coffee only after you've had water in the morning
5. Eat starchy foods and carbohydrates last

You can reach Amy for coaching support at:

amyraenutrition@gmail.com or find her on Instagram @coachamyrae

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It's true…our world is getting harder and harder to navigate, but not always because of what's happening on the outside of us, but instead because of what's happening inside our very own minds. Everyone on this planet needs a little help navigating through this space. I've no doubt that those of you in our audience have experienced so many difficulties in your lives. Our guest today, Mesha McKittrick, has experienced her fair share of life's challenges, as well. She became pregnant at 14 and then suffered the loss of that child at a young age, navigated and, ultimately left, a codependent and abusive relationship, lost her father (who played a significant role in her life), struggled through significant financial setbacks and manages a busy life as a wife, mother and mindset coach. Mesha believes that you cannot control the things that happen in life, however, but you CAN control how you react to what happens to you in life. So, today we'll explore some of the pivotal challenges in life and how to move through them by curating and surrounding yourself with the right support and leveraging the power of a positive mindset to keep moving forward and live your best life. In this episode, Mesha reminds us that: 1. We all have our own “lists”. In other words, everyone’s life is full of difficulties. We choose how we face those struggles. 2. Who you are becoming is more important than who you’ve been 3. Treat a child as if they already are the person they are capable of becoming 4. There is power in asking “why”…don’t be a “whyner” 5. Look to your past for proof that the struggles you’ve endured so far have shaped who you are as a person. This will help you to overcome future hardships by knowing there is a purpose behind them 6. We have to influence our subconscious mind with our conscious mind and make deliberate choice.

You can find Mesha on Instagram @myfriendmesha and listen to her podcast “Mindset Check With My Friend Mesha”

Be sure to subscribe to the Dear Midlife podcast and leave us a review to tell us what topics interest you!

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Can you recall a situation in your childhood that has had a lingering impact on your life even today? The trauma could be something large. Perhaps, you were verbally, mentally or physically abused by a trusted family member. Perhaps, the trauma seemed small at the time. Maybe you once got lost riding your bike and feared you might never find your way home. We may not even realize the way these traumas form talk tracks in our brain and continue to underpin our behaviors in ways we can't genuinely understand. As an adult, you may start to recognize, question and unpack some of those triggers that cause you to behave a certain way. That is exactly where guest, Krista Biglin was a couple of years ago. She is a wife, mother of 3, nurse and now sex and relationship coach. She had suffered a number of physical ailments and setbacks and was, simultaneously, attempting to heal a broken marriage when she enrolled in the sex and relationship coaching course. Little did she realize that her journey to heal her marriage would cause her to, first, learn to heal herself. As women, we often dismiss our signs and symptoms and trudge on with life intent on taking care of everyone else… putting our own personal health on the back burner. Krista is here today to help us undertand the importance of listening to our minds and bodies and how to put the proverbial "oxygen mask on our selves first. And when we start listening, how to uncover and heal our past traumas so that we can start living fuller, more meaningful lives. In this episode, Krista reminds us that: 1. It takes time….time to learn how to slow down….time to learn how to rest. 2. No one knows you like you know you and sometimes the only way to heal, is to go within 3. Sometimes past traumas get "stuck" somewhere in our bodies and we just need to do something to move that negative energy 4. The universe and your body is trying to tell you...and you need to listen to the signals. 5. We need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first and prioritize your own health. 6. We are responsible for our own happiness and we've got to do the work to heal and elevate yourself to higher vibration living.

Please take time to subscribe to this podcast and leave a review to let us know what topics interest you!

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Tianna Miller was always physically active however, she credits genetics for her constant struggle with weight, even at a young age. After several comments from friends and family members about her size, she decided to pop in her mom’s old Jane Fonda video and completed her first workout at age 7. It was then that she turned her aspirations to becoming a fitness instructor one day.

Tianna achieved her objective of becoming a personal trainer and threw herself into supporting and guiding her clients to achieve their goals. However, when asked about her own ambitions, she realized that she’d been pouring so much of her energy into others, she had been neglecting herself. She turned her sights on entering a bodybuilding competetion and placed in 3 categories in her first show.

She’s a firm believer that hard work beats talent and that grit pays off. She wants listeners to know that she is committed to this way of life, but it has not been easy. Like many of her clients, she’s been there. She’s cried and canceled dates because none of her clothes fit. She’s been chastised by friends, family members, co-workers, acquaintances, and people on social media about her size and body. And she says “IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT.” Her favorite “Tianna Tip” is, “You’ve got what it takes, but it’s going to take everything you’ve got.” So, Let’s dive in to hear more amazing tips from Tianna on how you can transform your body including:

Strong is the new skinny
The hardest part is getting started. You don’t have to be great to start…but, you have to start to be great
If you’re sick, you go to a doctor. If you want to be fit, you need a fitness trainer
Make an appointment on your calendar with yourself to ensure you get in your workout every day
Abs are made in the kitchen! Get rid of the sugar…No more twinkies or bon bons, ladies.
Its all about balancing diet, cardio, yoga and weightlifting. Cardio burns fat while you’re doing it. Weightlifting helps you to continue to burn fat, even once you’ve stopped working.

7. Get it in where you can fit it in.

Hiring a fitness trainer can cost less than Starbucks…so get out there and invest in YOURSELF!

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Christina Tinker is a learning and development leader, leadership coach and facilitator, a published author and continues to explore and evolve herself. Her tremendous and diverse career includes traveling the U.S. and Europe implementing corporate training programs for some of the most prestigious global organizations and spending more than a decade as a senior Sales Executive and top performing revenue contributor in three of the most revered technology firms in the world. However, like many of us, while Christina was successful in her roles, she felt somewhat unfulfilled and continued to open her mind and her heart to accept new opportunities that felt more authentic and generated more contentment. Christina reminds us that we are all able to re-write our stories if we can quiet the noise enough to hear the call to what is next. In the last decade, Christina launched a non-profit organization, speaking to hundreds of young people, teachers, and coaches on the topics of work-life integration, mental health awareness, and the link between wellness and productivity. Her recently published book, Hope for Recovery: Stories of Healing from Eating Disorders is now available through all major book outlets. A native Texan, Christina and her husband Jonathan, along with their three children Alex, Andrew, and Anastasia, have lived in Virginia for the last five years. In her next chapter, Christina and her family will be relocating to Nashville, Tennessee this summer as Christina and Jonathan tackle new professional opportunities in the healthcare industry. Christina approaches the tough but joyful tasks of marriage and motherhood with the same tenacity and fierce love she brings to her work life every day. And she is here today to help walk us through these transitions she’s made in life, how she’s gotten grounded and clear on her authentic self and to share her perspective on how she’s been able to find her own inner light. In this episode, Christina will teach us to:

Experience lifelong learning, which is entirely possible (if you're willing) and is enjoyable and fun.
Get quiet, Listen and intentionally follow when the invitations are offered
Discover what is the “Unmet need” for why you think it (life) has to be hard?
Find like-minded women and communities
Learn to be still so that you can reflect on what feels good and authentic to you
Learn to play again

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Today we welcome Danessa Knaupp to the show. Danessa is the CEO and Founder of Avenue 8 Advisors, guiding the strategic direction of the firm and shifting the global conversation on leadership. She has coached hundreds of executives across every major industry and has developed a reputation as a candid, compassionate and courageous leadership partner. She is the author of the best- selling leadership book, Naked at Work: A Leader’s Guide to Fearless Authenticity. Danessa is a fresh, positive voice on leadership and authenticity who has become so successful by LEARNING HOW TO FAIL. She has leaned into failure in order to learn the lessons that come with tackling fear and grabbing life by the reins - ultimately always leading to her next greatest success. In this episode, she shares practical tips with us on how to show up as who WE WANT TO BE as women in midlife, own our stories and connect in truly powerful ways by:

Calling failure what it is. Words are powerful. Owning your failure is owning your story.
Doing what pushes us to inch our way back out there after we have failed. Taking a small step give us momentum
Giving advice only when someone asks and from a place that serves the other person's stated priorities
Understanding that we get to decide whose voices matter to us in life
Teaching us that behavior change is not a destination…It is a merry-go-round in which you have to come back, and come back again to the conversation and continuing to try. and
Believing that authenticity, at it's core, is about connecting with other people to serve them more effectively. Its sharing of yourself so others may learn from who you are or feel safer bringing more of themselves to the table.

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So, you may not have been able to convince us of this in our younger years, but our mid-life selves agree with our guest, Heather Hope, when she says "clothing is required". The truth is that we all get dressed every single day and life is short. So, that should be easy and fun, right?! Heather Hope is a personal stylist who launched the House of Colour Franchise in Denver, CO, when she was 40. As she embarked on this venture, she had a newborn son and a 2-year old daughter at home, as well as, a rewarding executive role in Public Relations and Marketing in the corporate world…but, like so many of us, she had simply lost her "mojo". On top of that, she faced a corporate betrayal that many of us may not have bounced back from. But Heather pulled herself up and recreated her future through House of Colour. She leapt into action and began the journey of knowing her best colors and developing her own personal style which helped her to feel more confident, energetic, authentic and VISIBLE…something that we women in midlife really struggle with. Now, Heather loves giving her clients the tools to amplify their own natural beauty. As women, we hear so many mixed messages…"you are too much"…"you are not enough"…her message is that you are just right…just the way you are. She loves that House of Colour services and celebrates each client, helping to rediscover their natural beauty, from booty to boobs and beyond, and giving them the tools to amplify that beauty. In this episode, Heather teaches us: * Confidence comes with both color AND style and discusses how to identify these for ourselves * We wear about 15% of what is in our current wardrobe. When evaluating YOUR wardrobe, ask these 5 questions + Does it fit me RIGHT NOW? + Is it in a great color that makes you look healthy and vibrant + Does it play well with others? + Is it authentic to you? + How would I rate it on a scale from 1-10? * Shop with a list. Know what you need and what your lifestyle demands and shop with intention!

Heather has over 100 colleagues across the country who do the same work with the House of Colour franchise. You can connect with Heather at: https://linktr.ee/HOCHeatherHope Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/houseofcolour_heatherhope/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HouseofColourHeatherHope/

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Are you over 40? Do you ever feel like you’re stuck? Maybe you've always had this knowing that you are meant to be more or do more? Dear Midlife is about triumphing over life's adversities together and empowering women over 40 to navigate with strength and courage alllllll of the messiness of life. We are Shelby Bybee, a 48-year old karaoke party queen, full-time single mother of 2 teenage girls, world traveler and an extrovert to a fault! And Trinity Greenfield, a 50-year old wild-haired little girl, living in a grown woman's body that's still full of spunk, charm, and sass with a sprinkle of some black girl magic! U! Join us! Because we are better together! We've created this podcast for you…for me and all of us as a guide to navigating and TRANSFORM midlife…we are tribe of strong, successful women who have given so much to our families, to our jobs, to our communities and now want to reclaim ourselves and live our best lives without apology! So, if this is you…but, you're feeling a little stuck, or tired, or confused, maybe even a little defeated…but, somewhere deep inside you have a fire in your belly to be more…do more…join us. In this podcast you will find a weekly dose of real talk with expert advice, best practices and actionable tips for living stronger, healthier, more financially vibrant midlives with better relationships with your significant others, your children and yourself! Our time together will be raw, authentic, it will shift your mindset and your heartset, it might slap you in the face and it will be the kick in the ass we all need to break through fear and embrace all the possibilities of life in the middle.

Dear Midlife...: Recent Episodes

Shelby Bybee and Trinity Greenfield