We Turned Out Okay

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Greetings! Yes, on its surface this is a conversation (with 6-time returning champion Janine Halloran! So excited to bring her back to you!) about ADHD.

But it’s about so much more.

It’s about expectations, and how they create the roles our children inhabit.

It’s about us, the roles we inhabit, and how we got here.

It’s about what we can do that would be detrimental, or helpful – again, not just with the concerns of ADHD. But with so much more.

I’m excited to welcome you into this conversation, and I’m grateful that you are here!

Key links and video located at https://weturnedoutokay.com/364

Key Links

Click here for the video that I share in the intro, in which six photographers were told six different things about the same man – and as a result of their different expectations, they produce six completely different portraits of that man.

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/191 for the conversation I share about in the intro, me talking with my 13-year-old son… He accuses me of being “Pollyanna-ish.” It’s a fascinating chat even if you don’t happen to be this boy’s mother!

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly to sign up for my weekly newsletters… Each is an invitation to go deeper with me. To get to know me better, to correspond, and to get support for your challenges. Completely free, just bring your open heart <3

Click http://copingskillsforkids.com to check out all of the useful and fun stuff that Janine is doing!

Click here for the amazing Rick Riordan book series about Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

Click here for an article about one of Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants books, which the author withdrew from publication recently.

Click here for the Angst movie.

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/194 for my conversation with awesome author Joshilyn Jackson, a New York Times best-selling fiction author (who shares on my show that she didn’t feel empathy until she became a parent. A fascinating conversation!)

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/324 for my conversation with Janine during OkayCon 2020, the video series I did to support parents during the pandemic… It was called “Why your child’s behavior may be worse now than usual, and what to do about it, with Janine Halloran, LMHC”

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/300 to hear my roundtable conversation with Janine, today’s guest, and special-needs preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso. Two of my favorite humans on the whole planet, together in a fabulous roundtable discussion!

Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/361 for the first in this ADHD series, called “ADHD is not a result of parenting” – talking with pediatric occupational therapist Holly Peretz today!”

Click here to check out Janine’s courses for educators on developing patients’ and students’ coping skills. Very cool!

Listen to We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher!

Here are a few choice spots:

Apple Podcasts… http://bit.ly/WTOOApple

Spotify… http://bit.ly/WTOOSpotify

Stitcher Podcasts… http://bit.ly/WTOOStitcher

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Last summer, the two-year-old son of a Ninja Parenting Community member was in a car accident. Thankfully no one was injured. But the car was totaled.

And this little boy kept asking the same question, over and over:

“Why did Daddy crash Daddy’s car?” The accident was not Daddy’s fault. But you couldn’t convince the boy of that!

Everyone just wanted to move on.

But this little boy struggled to do that.

Maybe your child hasn’t recently been in a car accident, and so this isn’t the question that keeps getting asked.

But I bet, if you’ve got a toddler or preschooler, or even an elementary school kid, you know this phenomenon very well.

Today: what to do about it, when your child asks the same question again and again!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/269 for:

A cheat sheet on how to handle it when your child keeps asking the same question over and over, and it’s driving you nuts
Key links from today’s episode
The video of the week: Off this week, returning March 28

And thank you so much for listening!

How to Get Quality Childcare: Free Online Class! Learn:

– The keys to finding the best child care for your young child

– To avoid one crucial factor that can derail your efforts to find good childcare

– Which questions to ask – and which not too – to assure your child thrives in others’ care

We cover this and more in the FREE online class I’m teaching on Thursday, March 28!

Get the best child care for your kiddos by taking this class, for free! Sign up here and I will see you on March 28: )

Temper Tantrums and Potty Training: During today’s break I share about two helpful free guides I offer.

While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are super quick.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately handle the temper tantrums or get started with potty training (depending on which guide you choose : )

Click here for the FREE video and checklist to handle every temper tantrum
Click here for the FREE video and checklist to successfully potty train your child
Want to receive valuable ideas and tips on parenting, without either free guide above? Click here for my weekly parenting newsletter!

Video of the Week: Off this week. Returning March 28. See you then : )

Cheat sheet on handling endlessly repeated questions 1) Understand: it’s developmental.

In trying to understand, kids will ask the same question over and over. It’s reassuring when we can give them the same answer over and over.

2) Persevere; abide.

Your child needs you to patiently answer the questions that come up. That can mean simply abiding. With time, either the question will change (as your child develops an understanding of the answer) or your child will outgrow this stage of development.

Hang in there!

3) Ask: “Why do you think?”

This helps your child feel that they’re part of a team, that they belong.

Also, it helps us to reclaim that sense of wonder that children have inherently, but that lots of adults have outgrown. Listening to their answers, understanding their thoughts and ideas, is super fun.

Key Links Click here for episode 30, my conversation with dad and acupuncturist Steve Mirando. Our conversation comes up because, in it, he shares about the sense of wonder his young son inspired in him by “trying to stop the wind.”

For you Ninja Parenting Community members, click here for the forum post , “Helping a toddler process trauma,” all about this member’s quest to help her son in the aftermath of the car accident.. Not a member yet? Click here.

In the WTOO Universe Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday

Click here for my channel in YouTube, where you’ll find helpful videos (like this one on what to do when your child is jumping on the couch for your attention, at the worst possible time.)

My latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, is officially out!!

Click here to read more!

Mind-blowing (if not free) resources for you: Potty training little kids is never easy. That’s why I created a complete course, Successful Potty Training Under Pressure, to help!

This course gets you ready for potty training with:

Gear recommendations, both essential and nice-to-have
Scripts so you know exactly what to say when your child has accidents or other struggles
Fixes for common problems – like if your child doesn’t care about sitting in a wet or poopy situation, or if you’re struggling to work well with your child’s school or caregiver

I created this course to give you everything you need to successfully potty train your child.

Click the link below to check it out!

Weturnedoutokay.com/pottycourse

“I am feeling able to handle this! I truly cannot thank you enough.” – NPC Member & Mom of 3YO Boy What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

Kids cut us in so many ways. But change is possible! Learn to truly enjoy family time by joining the Ninja Parenting Community!

Membership in our exclusive parent coaching community helps you through:

Live, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges
Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, including the complete Successful Potty Training Under Pressure course

With all that and more, we have got you covered!

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!

Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today

Awesome FREE Resources… If potty training is getting you down, let me send you – completely free – the first lesson of my course on how to potty train successfully, even under pressure!

Click here to receive Lesson 1: How to Make This Take the Shortest Amount of Time Possible.

Click here for the free 5-part podcast series on how to get good weeknights with kids.

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook page.

Click here for the Karen Lock Kolp page in YouTube, where you’ll find helpful videos (like this one on what to do when your child is jumping on the couch for your attention, at the worst possible time.)

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Wondering what to do when:

– Your child fills the pull up or leaks through, every single night, despite being potty trained during the day?

– You are stuck – at least for a little while – with subpar childcare?

– Your child is being picked on due to intolerance?

We answer these questions and more, in today’s episode!

I’m so excited to bring you another round of Ask the Experts with Tricia Tomaso!

[FYI: in the break I mention having One Question for you… Click here to hear the bonus episode about the question, and click here to answer the question!]

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/267 for:

A cheat sheet on the questions and answers we share in this episode
Key links from today’s episode
The video of the week: “How to help your child if they’re being picked on or bullied”

And thank you so much for listening!

Temper Tantrums and Potty Training: During today’s break I share about two helpful free guides I offer.

While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are super quick.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately handle the temper tantrums or get started with potty training (depending on which guide you choose : )

Click here for the FREE video and checklist to handle every temper tantrum
Click here for the FREE video and checklist to successfully potty train your child
Want to receive valuable ideas and tips on parenting, without either free guide above? Click here for my weekly parenting newsletter!

Video of the Week: Cheat sheet on our answers to today’s questions Q1: “What coping skills can I teach my child to handle the religious intolerance she is dealing with at school?” – Jen

Tricia and I agree, confronting intolerance is something a child needs help with. We recommend helping her:

1) Use I-messages to explain “it hurts my feelings when you talk like that”

2) Say “I won’t play with you when you talk like that. I will play with someone who is kind!”

Q2: “How can our wonderful, active, and typical (not special needs) 3-year-old survive the next several months in our current subpar childcare situation?”

Meta-level: Recognize that the problem is not with your child. It is with the teachers.

1) Do not engage in any “here are all the infractions your child committed today in our care” conversations

2) Meet with the teachers and ask them “how can his last X weeks here be positive?”

Q3: “What should we look for when searching for good childcare?”

1) Teachers who understand kids as active, impulsive, whole children who need the freedom to move around and make their own choices very frequently during the day.

2) A flexible, vibrant routine that includes lots of outdoor time, even in inclement weather

3) A willingness to think of parents as teammates

(The questions above come from members of our private coaching community, the Ninja Parenting Community, where I work closely to help identify and address parents’ biggest challenges with their kids. To become a member, click here. Then you and I can work together, you can enjoy the time you spend with your young children!)

Q4: “My child is filling his pull up every night, sometimes even leaking through, despite being (nearly) completely potty trained during the day. What can I do?”

Sometimes kids struggle with feeling that they had to go to the bathroom, if they’re in a deep sleep. It’s possible he is outgrowing the pull up as well. We recommend moving to a bigger nighttime diaper, to contain the leaks until he can control his bladder better while asleep.

Q5: “How can we help our son (who has Down Syndrome) cope with big changes in our schedule?”

We recommend creating a visual schedule, interactive if possible, and creating social stories so that he can be prepared for these changes ahead of time, and come back to these comforting visuals during the changes.

Q6: “What should I do when my child, who is not in fact sick, says “I’m sick” when I make some perfectly reasonable demand of him?”

We recommend (after determining that he is truly not sick) acknowledging “I’m sorry you are not feeling well.. Now, it’s time for X.” In other words, move past “not feeling well” as quickly as possible.

Q7: “How can I stop my child from taking off his shoes and throwing them on the bus? I am not there when this is happening.”

We recommend offering some kind of reward for keeping shoes on. We recommend going as far as giving him a card to hold in his hand, so that he can remind himself “if I keep my shoes on I get to… at home”

Please keep in mind: this is just a cheat sheet. Scroll to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button to listen to the entire episode. That way you’ll have a good understanding of each of these questions and answers.

Key Links Click here to listen to my first conversation with Tricia, back in episode 248.

Click here for episode 194, my conversation with Joshilyn Jackson, author of the wonderful book The Almost Sisters, which Tricia and I talk about today.

Click here for Slate’s interesting article about the relationship between bladder control and constipation.

Ninja Parents: click here for the post in our forums on bladder control, constipation, and other fun potty training stuff! If you’re not yet a member of NPC, access this and all the other content by clicking here to join.

During the break I reference my conversation with Dan Blank, all about productivity, creativity, and how to get more of each in your life. Click here to listen to our conversation.

Also during the break I reference 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, the book I wrote to help you enjoy the time you spend with your family… Go to weturnedoutokay.com/books to check it out.

In the WTOO Universe Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday

Click here for my channel in YouTube, where you’ll find helpful videos (like this one on what to do when your child is jumping on the couch for your attention, at the worst possible time.)

My latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, is officially out!!

Click here to read more!

Mind-blowing (if not free) resources for you: Potty training little kids is never easy. That’s why I created a complete course, Successful Potty Training Under Pressure, to help!

This course gets you ready for potty training with:

Gear recommendations, both essential and nice-to-have
Scripts so you know exactly what to say when your child has accidents or other struggles
Fixes for common problems – like if your child doesn’t care about sitting in a wet or poopy situation, or if you’re struggling to work well with your child’s school or caregiver

I created this course to give you everything you need to successfully potty train your child.

Click the link below to check it out!

Weturnedoutokay.com/pottycourse

“I am feeling able to handle this! I truly cannot thank you enough.” – NPC Member & Mom of 3YO Boy What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

Kids cut us in so many ways. But change is possible! Learn to truly enjoy family time by joining the Ninja Parenting Community!

Membership in our exclusive parent coaching community helps you through:

Live, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges
Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, including the complete Successful Potty Training Under Pressure course

With all that and more, we have got you covered!

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!

Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today

Click here to receive Lesson 1: How to Make This Take the Shortest Amount of Time Possible.

Click here for the free 5-part podcast series on how to get good weeknights with kids.

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook page.

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What’s your biggest parenting challenge?

I really want to help you with it! (For context, listen to this recent quickie bonus episode : )

Click weturnedoutokay.com/contact to go to my contact page and share what’s toughest for you as a parent. Thank you sooooo much!

How do you react when your child makes a mistake, does something wrong, mouths off?

If you respond to bad behavior with lesson-teaching/consequences mode engaged – in other words, if you have “zero tolerance” for your child’s transgressions – you’re doing your child a disservice.

Even worse, you’re doing your relationship with your young child a disservice.

That’s what this episode posits, anyway. Take a listen and see if you agree!

PS The title and subject of today’s episode came from conversations with my therapist.

“We can’t have zero tolerance when we’re talking about kids,” he often says; “zero tolerance is for submarines.”

If these two concepts seem completely unrelated to you, and your daily life with your young child, I encourage you to listen in to today’s episode! All will become clear : )

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/266 for:

A cheat sheet on the 4 ways kids are not like submarines – and what works better than “zero tolerance” when they do something wrong
To share your biggest parenting challenge, and/or sign up for one of our free guides
The video of the week: “How to handle your child’s bad behavior”

And thank you so much for listening!

Temper Tantrums and Potty Training: During today’s break I share about two helpful free guides I offer.

While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are super quick.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately handle the temper tantrums or get started with potty training (depending on which guide you choose : )

Click here for the FREE video and checklist to handle every temper tantrum
Click here for the FREE video and checklist to successfully potty train your child
Want to receive valuable ideas and tips on parenting, without either free guide above? Click here for my weekly parenting newsletter!

Video of the Week: Cheat sheet on the 4 ways kids aren’t like submarines: 1) Kids make mistakes.

2) Kids continually test us, because they need to understand the structure in which they live.

3) Kids use poor judgment.

4) Kids have very little impulse control.

3 Things that work better than zero tolerance: 1) Recognize: kids don’t do what they do out of malice.

Their behavior is a reflection of where they are in their thinking and development. They are doing the best they can.

2) Let experience be the best teacher.

It’s hard enough to be a kid, in a world where you’re told “no” five times as often as you’re told “yes.” As long as we’re making sure our children are safe, it’s much better for our kids to learn “when I spill milk, it goes everywhere and I need to clean it up,” as opposed to “when I spill milk, I get yelled at and/or spanked.”

3) Talk about our own mistakes.

To your child, you are this shining and perfect entity who never ever makes mistakes. When they learn that you don’t make mistakes anymore, because of your experiences with (for example) pouring milk – where you spilled milk everywhere and that’s how you learned what to do, to stop that from happening, when pouring milk – they can think “there will come a day when I don’t make these mistakes anymore either. Just like Mama or Daddy.”

Key Links My first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, comes up in today’s episode.

Click here to check it out!

Click here for episode 223 of the podcast, titled “is spanking ever okay?”

Click here for The Slight Edge, referenced today because of the no-yes ratio. And also just a pretty awesome book.

For you Ninja Parenting Community members, click here for the forum post all about when your child runs away from you at the playground. Not a member yet? Click here.

In the WTOO Universe Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday

Click here for my channel in YouTube, where you’ll find helpful videos (like this one on what to do when your child is jumping on the couch for your attention, at the worst possible time.)

My latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, is officially out!!

Click here to read more!

Mind-blowing (if not free) resources for you: Potty training little kids is never easy. That’s why I created a complete course, Successful Potty Training Under Pressure, to help!

This course gets you ready for potty training with:

Gear recommendations, both essential and nice-to-have
Scripts so you know exactly what to say when your child has accidents or other struggles
Fixes for common problems – like if your child doesn’t care about sitting in a wet or poopy situation, or if you’re struggling to work well with your child’s school or caregiver

I created this course to give you everything you need to successfully potty train your child.

Click the link below to check it out!

Weturnedoutokay.com/pottycourse

“I am feeling able to handle this! I truly cannot thank you enough.” – NPC Member & Mom of 3YO Boy What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

Kids cut us in so many ways. But change is possible! Learn to truly enjoy family time by joining the Ninja Parenting Community!

Membership in our exclusive parent coaching community helps you through:

Live, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges
Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, including the complete Successful Potty Training Under Pressure course

With all that and more, we have got you covered!

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!

Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today

Click here to receive Lesson 1: How to Make This Take the Shortest Amount of Time Possible.

Click here for the free 5-part podcast series on how to get good weeknights with kids.

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook page.

Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child

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HEADS UP: At the top of the show, we say we’re going to tell you if we go into PG-13 territory. In the second half of this episode, I share about being sexually abused at age 7. You may want to listen away from your littles, or with headphones.

“Is it shyness or bad manners?” When a member of our private coaching community asked this question during a live members-only call recently, I knew I needed to get you a show about handling stranger anxiety.

We’ve got 12 ways for you to handle your child’s stranger anxiety… and we talk about how stranger anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I hope this is a helpful episode as you head into the holiday season, and your young child is meeting lots of new people!

Temper Tantrums and Potty Training: During today’s break I share about two wonderful free guides I offer.

While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are quick-and-effective.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately handle the temper tantrums or get started with potty training (depending on which guide you choose : )

Click here for the FREE video and checklist to handle every temper tantrum
Click here for the FREE video and checklist to successfully potty train your child

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/254 for:

A cheat sheet on the 12 ways to handle stranger anxiety
Links to the articles I quote from today
The link to the WTOO Facebook page where Wednesday 12/12 I’m doing a Facebook live Ask Me Anything to kick off the launch of my latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, officially out today!!
The video of the week: “My child is anxious around new people”

And thank you so much for listening!

Video of the Week: Cheat sheet on the 12 ways to handle stranger anxiety 1) Give kids time to warm up.

2) Know your child watches YOU for cues.

3) Hold hands for your child’s security.

4) Bring, or give, your child a comfort item.

5) Ask these “friends not yet met” to give your child time.

6) Take it slow.

7) Say: “[Child’s name] is learning how to be around new people.”

8) Do Not Say: “[Child’s name] is anxious/shy.”

9) Don’t dismiss your child’s feelings, or ignore them.

10) Don’t worry about the Friend Not Yet Met’s feelings; worry about your child’s feelings.

11) Model how to meet new people for your child.

12) Take cues not from the outside world; instead, take your cues from your child.

Key Links My latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, is officially out today!!

Click here to read more!

I’m celebrating with a Facebook live Ask Me Anything on Wednesday 12/12 at 2 PM EST!

Click here for the Facebook page!!

Click here for episode 237, my conversation with KJ Dell’Antonia about her book, How to Be a Happier Parent (and, as always with KJ, so much else : )

Click here for RaisingChildren.net.au article about stranger anxiety.

Click here for the WebMD article about stranger anxiety.

In my first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, I share my experience being sexually abused as a seven-year-old child (and how my parents, who had no idea what was going on, helped; it’s in the chapter about “what to do when something is very wrong.”)

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/books to read more about the book; or, click here to see the book in Amazon.

In the WTOO Universe Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday

Mind-blowing (if not free) resources for you: Potty training little kids is never easy. That’s why I created a complete course, Successful Potty Training Under Pressure, to help!

This course gets you ready for potty training with:

Gear recommendations, both essential and nice-to-have
Scripts so you know exactly what to say when your child has accidents or other struggles
Fixes for common problems – like if your child doesn’t care about sitting in a wet or poopy situation, or if you’re struggling to work well with your child’s school or caregiver

I created this course to give you everything you need to successfully potty train your child.

Click the link below to check it out!

Weturnedoutokay.com/pottycourse

“I am feeling able to handle this! I truly cannot thank you enough.” – NPC Member & Mom of 3YO Boy What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

Kids cut us in so many ways. But change is possible! Learn to truly enjoy family time by joining the Ninja Parenting Community!

Membership in our exclusive parent coaching community helps you through:

Live, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges
Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, including the complete Successful Potty Training Under Pressure course

With all that and more, we have got you covered!

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!

Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today

Click here to receive Lesson 1: How to Make This Take the Shortest Amount of Time Possible.

Click here for the free 5-part podcast series on how to get good weeknights with kids.

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook page.

View Details

This time of year, kids have lots of opportunity to misbehave. This episode gives you tools to get good behavior from your littles, enjoy regular family time – and extended-family time too. I am SO excited to bring you today’s show!

I have good friend and colleague, Tricia Tomaso, a veteran preschool teacher and holder of a master’s degree in special education.

And she has graciously agreed to come on the show and answer YOUR questions.

So! Today we take questions on:

– What to do if your child hits you, especially repeatedly

– How to handle it if you are a relatively low energy parent, and your child is a high-energy kid

– If you’re worried that you are overinvolved with your kids

– And more!

Buckle in, this is a really fun and useful ride today!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/248 for:

- A summary of each “ask the expert” question and answer
- What’s up in the We Turned Out Okay universe, including tons of free resources : )

Today’s show is all about getting to moments like this, where everybody is smiling. * The video of the week: “I’m exhausted from doing too much for my kid”

And thank you so much for listening!

Video of the Week: Ask the Experts Q&A Summary 1) NPC member Jen asks: How do I manage my high-energy child from my low-energy comfort zone?

We recommend: Tricia, who has also raised a high-energy daughter, recommends having some special “high-energy” time. This means you get special time with your child, and crucially it has been an point where you know you’ll get a rest.

2) NPC member Mama Llama asks: The hitting is all day every day when frustrated, mostly when I am physically helping him with something (pants on and off for potty, shoes on for school) when there is not an immediate “we’re leaving” from something fun like the park option and I have no idea what else to do. It is so disheartening, we discussed later “hands to yourself” and using hand in gentle ways but it is only getting worse.

We recommend: Helping your child express feelings with words, and keeping your words and body language tightly neutral when he hits. Encourage him to say what he’s feeling: “I’m frustrated,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t want help,” etc. Kids need help saying what they’re feeling instead of expressing negative emotion with hitting, and we get best results when we keep a poker face as we are helping our kids through this stage of life.

3) Stephanie asks: “catching up on magic words… What if you can’t tell which kid is the one provoking the other… My girls are both very tricky at this!!”

We recommend: Don’t worry so much about who provoked whom. Instead encourage the kids to use words in expressing what happened, what is going on. Also encourage them to work it out between themselves, and suggest some time playing apart so they can cool off if necessary.

4) Sabrina, kids are eight and five… “I love being with my kids, playing with them, teaching them and so on. They are super great kids.

The problem is me. Stepping back I realize I smother them, with love, but it’s smothering. How do I learn to tone this back?

I try so hard not to interfere with their interactions but it still like I live, eat, and breathe my kids. Any advice?

We recommend: Ask yourself, who is determining if you’re smothering or not? Are you feeling this within yourself, or is it an outside influence making you worry about smothering your kids?

If they are being smothered, it will show up in their behavior… You may see temper tantrums as they fight for independence, or a withdrawal from you, or assertions like “leave me alone!”

If you’re not seeing anything negative, and you love being with them – maybe it’s not smothering, just great parenting : )

You get to decide for yourself, based on your children’s behavior.

5) Meredith asks: “My almost 3-year-old has been doing great with potty training. She will try every time we take her and pees almost every time. She has been in big-girl undies for almost 2 weeks at daycare with only 3 accidents. Here is our issue… She will not poop on the potty and will hold it until she is crying from being uncomfortable and trying to hold it. She tells us “I need to go poop. We rush to the potty and within seconds of sitting down she hops off crying and saying “no no I don’t wanna”… This could go on for hours.

I’ve taken to just putting a diaper back on her, just encouraging her to poop (and still sometimes a diaper won’t do the job, she still won’t poop).

What can I do to get over this hurdle? She knows how to use the potty and how to tell us. I know she’s ready! I’ve also offered rewards as well.

We recommend: Take a step back, and a deep breath. Often kids learn to go pee before poop on the potty, and taking all the pressure off your daughter as she is figuring this out may be all that is necessary.

The great thing about pull-ups: she can pull them down and up herself when she is successfully using the potty, and if she poops in the pull up, you can get it off of her and teach her to clean herself up.

Social stories, a very specific kind of story which we get into detail about while answering your question Meredith, can be very helpful here.

Above all, celebrate the successes and remain neutral in your emotions during the not so successful parts of potty training.

6) Maggie: “Separation anxiety – my kiddo cries whenever I leave him at drop off playgroup or with a nanny or when I have to go to parent education during our co-op preschool class.

He will stop after about 2 to 5 minutes as long as he’s entertained.

What is the best way to do goodbyes for kids around age 21 months?

I keep it brief, or sometimes even sneak away when he’s not looking. I’ve been told by our parent educator not to say “I always come back” but rather “I am always with you

any tips?

We recommend: Tricia and I both feel that 2 to 5 minutes for a two-year-old to settle himself down after saying goodbye is actually pretty great : )

We also think that, rather than saying “I am always with you,” which a young child might struggle with because they are so literal in their thinking, that you should find out the last thing kids do at playgroup before pickup, and tell your child “I’ll see you after x.”

7) Andrew: I have a question after listening to one of your podcast episodes about spanking. I believe it was titled “Is Spanking Ever Okay?” You certainly convinced me. My wife and I typically use spanking as a last resort, but you hit the nail on the head with the idea that we feel like we are out of options. We feel like there is no alternative. I’ve started using the “it’s time to” phrases, and trying really hard to not add “okay?” to the end of my sentences. Our biggest struggle right now is bedtime. Our middle child will not stay in his bed no matter how many times we sternly tell him “it’s time to lay down” and no matter how many times we take him back to his room. What typically happens is I will end up laying with him (otherwise he’ll keep getting up) until he falls asleep. This is draining all of our “mommy-daddy time” at the end of the day. How do we get him to “just stay in there” as Jim Gaffigan would say?

We recommend: Emphasize the positive here. Say to your child “we’re going to have this time together, tonight we’ll read one story, and if you stay in your bed after I say good night, tomorrow night you can have two stories.”

That way, he always gets at least one story, or with whichever number you establish as your baseline, and he’s always got the chance for bonus time with you tomorrow night – but that time still ends when you need it to end.

Tricia and I spent a long time discussing this one. The way you handle it could go a lot of different ways, and as long as it works for your family every single one is right : )

Thank you for listening! Just a few links:

Click here for Dr. Catherine Pearlman’s conversation with me, episode 197 of We Turned Out Okay.

Click here for episode 223 of We Turned Out Okay, “Is spanking ever okay?”

If you get good value from We Turned Out Okay, please rate and review the show! That helps others find us, so they can get good help too.

Click here to give us a quick rating and 1-sentence review in Apple, and thanks!

In the WTOO Universe Awesome FREE Resources… If potty training is getting you down, let me send you – completely free – the first lesson of my course on how to potty train successfully, even under pressure!

Click here to receive Lesson 1: How to Make This Take the Shortest Amount of Time Possible.

Click here for the free 5-part podcast series on how to get good weeknights with kids.

Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook page.

… And some mind-blowing (if not free) resources for you: Potty training little kids is never easy. That’s why I created a complete course, Successful Potty Training Under Pressure, to help!

This course gets you ready for potty training with:

Gear recommendations, both essential and nice-to-have
Scripts so you know exactly what to say when your child has accidents or other struggles
Fixes for common problems – like if your child doesn’t care about sitting in a wet or poopy situation, or if you’re struggling to work well with your child’s school or caregiver

I created this course to give you everything you need to successfully potty train your child.

Click the link below to check it out!

Weturnedoutokay.com/pottycourse

What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

Kids cut us in so many ways. If yours make you want to scream with sibling fights, embarrassing outbursts, and not respecting you, get help in the Ninja Parenting Community!

NPC Parent Coaching Community Membership helps you through:

– Live, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges

– Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, and including Successful Potty Training Under Pressure

– Parent Coaching Calls that members call “the most helpful part of my Ninja Parenting Community membership”

With all that and more, we have got you covered!

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!

Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today

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Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

We live in a complicated world, financially speaking, which can seem completely shrouded in mystery to us parents – never mind the kids!

What with credit cards, bitcoin, Apple pay, swiping, tapping, and sliding, the value of an actual dollar can get completely lost.

And how does a child’s wants and needs fit in with money? How should we expose our kids to financial understanding – with a salary? With an allowance? With exchanging chores for cash?

It’s confusing enough to make your head spin. Which is why today’s episode is so helpful.

It’s all about how to help your child understand this substance that makes the world go round!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/217 for key links, including to a couple of fantastic books to help you wrap your own head around how to help your child understand money…. Thanks for listening!

The Scoop on Today’s Episode Our amazing financial advisor – Steven Taylor, head of coltfinancial.net and future WTOO guest – gave us the most amazing book when we started working with him: Raising Financially Fit Kids by Joline Godfrey. In today’s episode I focus on a few of Godfrey’s Life and Money Map Stages –

Stage 1: Ages 5-8

– In which, developmentally speaking, kids are: Curious; Possessing a short attention span; Potentially having high-energy; Beginning to understand the value of fairness

– The corresponding “Money Skills” which Godfrey views as critical to master at this age include: Counting physical money, coins and bills; Understanding “the value and purpose of money;” Learning “to differentiate between wants and needs; Beginning “to develop an ethical compass

Stage 2: Ages 9-12

– Developmentally in this stage kids are: “Growing fast, body changing;” Feeling “self-conscious;” Starting “to exhibit self-expression and independence; Starting “to develop social conscience;” among other key developmental traits.

– Godfrey’s “Money Skills” kids need to master here include: Learning to make change; Showing “initiating behavior and entrepreneurial spirit” and “Awareness of costs and earned money

(The above come from page 6 of Raising Financially Fit Kids, by Joline Godfrey.)

To me, it’s fascinating to link up where a child is developmentally, with his or her understanding of money and the reasons we use it (and the forces behind our money system.)

But it’s more than simple fascination that’s important here.

Even if kids don’t understand money, is still THE system by which their lives are ruled.

The same goes for us parents!

I created today’s episode to help you give your child a clear understanding of money and all its implications… What I found was it helped me understand these issues more clearly. I hope it helps you as well!

Key Links Click here to check out Raising Financially Fit Kids by Joline Godfrey

Godfrey’s book came highly recommended by our financial advisor and head of coltfinancial.net, Steven Taylor. Click here to check out Steven’s website.

When our kids were young I got a ton of value from several books by author Mary Hunt about raising financially savvy kids. Click here to see Hunt’s author page in Amazon.

Important WTOO Links Check out my free Guide to Food and Family by clicking here; this is one of my favorite free guides, because it just includes SO much practical information, and (I just have to say it) food for thought : )

If you need practical advice to deal with your child’s bad behavior, check out my book.

It’s called Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, and I wrote it especially to help parents handle kids’ tough behavior, because parents need to eliminate the bad before they can be happy at home.

It’s available in Amazon, but since you’re here – since you took the time to come visit weturnedoutokay.com – I want to give you a better deal than Amazon.

Click here for details on Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics!

If you’re seeing aggressive behavior, or sadness, or passivity in your child – and you’re worried that it’s due to the lack of open-ended play – the Ninja Parenting Community could be just the place to get help.

It’s where I help parents just like you figure out how to handle all the tough stuff our kids throw at us.

Click here to learn more about the community!

Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!

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Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“I HATE to yell at you… But you make me do it. It’s your fault.”

Recently, I spoke with a mom who said that she tells her kids this all the time.

Do you ever feel like this, when your child is giving you crazy attitude ?

Or when your child is whining, or picks a fight with a sibling over absolutely nothing at all?

In short, do you ever feel like you cannot take your child’s bad, embarrassing behavior for one more second?

If so, today’s episode gives you a ninja tactic that will completely change this dynamic!

If you really care about stopping your children’s annoying behavior before it starts, and you really care about not flying off the handle with them… Today’s episode shows you how to do it.

Listen in to find out how to do it right!

3 Secrets of Happy Parenting: You know that fear and dread that you feel can about spending time with your young child?

Those hours that drag on, when paradoxically it feels like there is so much to do but also the minutes just creep by, super slowly, moment by agonizing moment?

I am excited to share the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting, which give you the power to overcome that fear and dread and truly enjoy the time you spend with your kids.

Learn these 3 Secrets in my Live, Online Class So, I know in this episode I say “the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting Minicourse is all ready for you!”

Life interfered this time: I got bronchitis and I’m still recovering…

But what IS ready: the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting Live, Online Class!

The Minicourse is still in production, but in the meantime learn these three secrets while connecting with me live!

By the end of this live, online 40-minute class, you’ll know how to make the time you spend with your kids really enjoyable time.

Click the link below for details and to register:

weturnedoutokay.com/secrets

Other key links over at weturnedoutokay.com/214 –

Thank you so much for listening : )

More Links to Help You Change Your Child’s Behavior & Feel Happy Inside Not a member of the Ninja Parenting Community yet? It’s where I help parents just like you take on their toughest challenges. You should join… That way together we can work on stopping your children’s annoying and/or frustrating behavior, so you can start truly enjoying family life. Click here for details!

Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!

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Welcome!

Learn exactly how to handle every “Jedi mind trick” your kids toss at you, shout less, and be truly happy at home:

Click here to join the FREE Friendly Mirror 5-Day Challenge!

To listen to today’s show, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today we’ve got help for you, if you’re feeling extremely cooped up in these dark months of the year (for the northern hemisphere, anyway)!

I went to the members of the Ninja Parenting Community and the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group to find out how they beat the winter blahs…

This episode is a compendium of their best ideas!

Thank you everyone who contributed, there were some new ones in here that even I didn’t know about : )

Key links – including the sign-up for the upcoming FREE Friendly Mirror Challenge – at weturnedoutokay.com/211 – thank you for listening!

The Friendly Mirror 5-Day Challenge starts this coming Monday!

Create your best parenting mindset and feel happy within yourself…

Click the link below to sign up:

https://weturnedoutokay.com/friendlymirror

Key Links NPC members: click here for member Faith’s post, which provides even more great ideas for beating the winter blahs (just remember, you must be logged in to access the forums/this post.)

Not a member of the Ninja Parenting Community yet? Click here for details.

Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!

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Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

On the day I recorded this episode, late last week in real time, I had a moment, at about 10 AM, where I realized I ought to be in about three different places… All at exactly 10 AM.

That’s when my heart started racing.

Then, when I looked around my home and realized all that still wasn’t quite done, or not even started yet… and then I realized I was still in my pajamas… The complete and total futility of the season slammed into my brain.

As I’ve often said on the show, that was “Mom Karen” – Time to go and get some advice from Podcast Karen!

So, I dropped everything and recorded this show about dealing with burnout.

And I just want to give a special thanks in here for thirteen-year-old Jason Kolp (who shares great advice about how to help children with their fears, back in episode 193). He’s the one who really helped me figure out what to focus on first.

He told me to go and help you, which is exactly what I did.

I hope this episode helps you, as much as it helped Mom Karen : )

For a quickie breakdown of the three steps to alleviating burnout, plus key links and to watch the video I made about handling holiday kid craziness, go to weturnedoutokay.com/204. Happy listening!

Burned out? Here are my three steps to alleviating burnout:

1) RECOGNIZE that it’s burnout… This one still gets me at some times of the year. Recognition is the first step to repair.

2) Pare your to do list down to the absolute essentials… You can’t pour from an empty cup. People will understand this – and if they don’t, they were never very good friends, anyway.

3) Do something FUN.… What’s fun for you? Does it involve children, or is it something you do all by yourself? Is it a date with your honey? Whatever it is, make time for it. This will be easier after you have accomplished 2).

Key Links: KJ Dell’Antonia of the #AmWriting with Jess and KJ Podcast came on the show Tuesday; click here to listen back to our conversation!

Click here for Gretchen Rubin’s awesome new book, The Four Tendencies. I am a questioner; which one are you?

Questions? Get answers on my contact page : )

Join the private WTOO Facebook group, for weekly Facebook lives and more! Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I help parents solve their toughest challenges every day.

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!

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