Family Matters: Recent Episodes
Virginia L. Colin, Ph.D.
Our goal is to share good ideas about helping all kinds of families handle the challenges and problems that are common in today’s world. We seek to help people heal, grow, and thrive in a culture in which marriage, parenting, and other family relationships are under great stress. We will feature experts on a variety of family matters. Topics may include building and maintaining healthy relationships, family mediation, divorcing with minimal damage, strengthening marriages, LGBT families, forming and maintaining stepfamilies, single parents, creating constructive separation agreements, addiction, preventing or ending abuse, and other Family Matters.
Part I: Two or more years after a divorce, a significant number of parents are still locked in conflicts that are very distressing for their children. How can we help these parents protect themselves from hostile interactions with their exes? How can we help them protect their kids from the fallout? Bill Eddy will describe a program that is available in private sessions with trained counselors and online and has been proven effective. Part II: Most children of divorced parents who are not locked in conflict do best if they have plenty of time with each of their parents. Nevertheless laws and habits in family courts often leave these children with little access to one of their parents. Dan Deuel does a good job explaining how an ordinary citizen can get effectively involved in changing laws that do not serve families well.
Is your ex trying to turn your child against you? Is he or she trying to convince your child that you are unsafe, unloving, and unavailable when that is not at all true? Sadly, some parents do this to their children, with or without realizing that they are harming the children immensely. Children in these circumstances need the targeted parent to keep loving them and trying to build a positive relationship. What can you do when you feel angry, humiliated, and demoralized in the face-off your ex’s hostility and your child’s rejection of you? Dr. Amy Baker, co-author of Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex, has some answers. She describes signs and symptoms of parental alienation, how to avoid taking the bait when your ex and child provoke you, and how to maintain a relationship with your child even when your ex is actively and intentionally interfering and undermining that relationship.
During the first half of the show, relationship counselor Margie Ulbrick talks with Dr. Colin about applying the skills of mindfulness in intimate relationships, in parenting, and in family life. Building mindful and caring relationships at home, at work, and in the community starts with being mindful in relation to yourself. Positive changes ripple out from that beginning. During the second half of the show, Dr. Deborah Zucker, a naturopathic physician and transformational health coach, describes how people can revolutionize their health by learning to love, nourish, and heal themselves on every level. We can learn to live as if our life matters and to turn toward the inner self with compassion and with a fierce protective love that gives courage.
Financial expert Stan Corey and family mediator Virginia Colin will confer about how a people can divorce respectfully. In addition to discussing what they have learned from numerous experiences with a wide variety of couples, They will discuss Stan’s novel, “The Divorce Dance.” This book takes readers on a journey with a couple going through divorce and making decisions that will influence the rest of their lives. At first the husband leads in the dance, but by the end the wife has taken the lead. Along the way, she needs to learn from a team of professionals with varying kinds of expertise.
Few of us can devote full time to caregiving an elderly parent or relative. Most of us have a full-time job, a spouse, and sometimes children to care for as well. If you are in the role of primary caregiver and feel the squeeze of time constraints closing around you with no solution in sight, listening to this program will help you develop strategies to meet the needs of everyone involved.
When an individual or a couple wants to divorce, there are a variety of ways to decide about the terms of the divorce. The host of Family Matters believes that working with a professional family mediator is the best approach for most couples. Her guests, both of whom are lawyers and mediators, describe other alternatives, such as collaborative law, team mediation, litigation, and evaluative settlement conferences with retired judges. One guest describes some of what works and what does not work with high-conflict couples who are divorcing. This program can help people make well-informed choices about what approach to divorce will make most sense for them.
Some parents, with the best of intentions, focus so much on their children’s happiness and feel so uncomfortable when one of their children is distressed that they behave in ways that produce the opposite of the results they would like to see. Instead of being secure, happy, and kind, their children become “spoiled” or “entitled” — difficult, unhappy, dissatisfied, and unable to regulate their own emotions well. Listen as two clinical psychologists, Dr. Lisa Ferrari and Dr. Carla Fry, talk with host Virginia Colin about the importance of parents paying attention to the values they want to encourage in their families and planning how to act accordingly. Authentically practicing gratitude and teaching your children to do the same can be a big part of raising children who are kind and grateful and are likely to grow up to be happy, self-reliant adults. Dr. Fry and Dr. Ferrari provide lots of practical step-by-step advice for raising children well.
What do you do when your spouse says they want out? Sadly this is a very common occurrence. More often than not it leads to separation and divorce. It is also one of the most difficult problems a couple will ever have to deal with and is the cause of great stress and heartbreak. Marriage and relationships coach Liam Naden will discuss how to know if your marriage is headed for trouble, what to do if your spouse gives you the dreaded news that they are thinking about leaving, and what some of the most important things are that you can do to keep your marriage strong and healthy. Liam gets people thinking about their marriage issues in new and empowering ways.
To have a relationship be great, you need more than love. Both people need to feel loved. Bill Ferguson, author of “How to Heal a Painful Relationship,” believes that whenever you have a relationship that isn’t working, there is an underlying condition of resisting a truth, and that is what creates the problem. Resisting what is true leads to fear and tunnel vision that destroy your ability to see clearly and keep you from finding solutions. Often resisting a truth makes you act in a way that actually makes your situation worse. In relationships, it creates conflict and distance. Fortunately, this is a condition that can be removed. You can restore your ability to see clearly, decide what needs to be done, and do it.
Today’s men have received so many confusing messages about what a man should be, they are often bewildered. Women are frustrated with todays men who wont make decisions and are oblivious to problems that need their attention. Many men feel that women have lost respect for them. What can men do to regain love and respect? What can women do to change the situation? Elliott Katz, author of “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man,” shares insights on being a man that have withstood the test of time. Interestingly, the traits he learned about from fathers and other older male role models match the traits that he heard many women complain were lacking in men today – showing leadership, making decisions, and taking responsibility.
Many parents do too much for their kids and so unintentionally handicap them. Parents who are overly protective, overly directive, or overly and inappropriately supportive prevent their kids from learning to handle challenges, solve problems, and become self-confident, independent, competent adults. In the first half of the show, Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of “How to Raise an Adult, describes what she saw in college freshmen and in her own children that helped her understand how to raise children to become adults. In the second half of the program, Veda Stamps, author of “Flexible Wings,” describes what she learned about middle school children and their families as her daughter joined a team and participated in swim meets. Many parents and grandparents are doing a great job helping kids achieve their own goals and move toward successful adult lives.
Can you learn to have the power to create the relationships you deserve, the ones you have always dreamed of? Lori Ann Davis believes that you can. She teaches how to make relationships the passionate, loving, safe partnerships that people crave. We will discuss her ideas about how to create an unstoppable relationship, how to understand the differences between men and women, how to end power struggles, and how to have unstoppable love and passion.
Are you tired of arguing with your ex-spouse, your mother-in-law, your cousin, or another family member? Would you like to stop walking on eggshells around them, waiting for them to blindside you with yet another unexpected or urgent matter to deal with? What if you could have civil, productive conversations with them? What if you felt calm and assured of their heart-felt intentions? If that is your true desire, then this is a show you won't want to miss. Judy Graybill is going to get to the raw truth of common mistakes and describe little-known tactics that can bring jaw-dropping breakthroughs in almost any strained or contentious relationship, even if the other person seems unwilling to work on the problem with you. All by yourself you can start a healing process.
What is the history of family mediation in the U.S.? When, how, and why did it start? Many people thought that family mediation would become the first choice approach to divorce in the 1980’s. Why did that not happen? Why are there still so many people who have never heard of family mediation? Why does that matter? What makes a family mediator a professional? Why did the founders of the Academy of Professional Family Mediators (APFM) decide to form the organization? What are APFM’s current goals? How will the public benefit from APFM’s work? How common is it for people to get divorced without hiring lawyers to represent them? Five founding members of APFM, one guest at a time, discuss these questions and more.
Bullying is at least as old as recorded history and, with the rise of the Internet, has acquired an additional form. In addition to physical, verbal, social, and emotional, bullying we now have cyberbullying. Why do people become bullies? What can their victims do to protect themselves and build successful lives? How can a bully learn better ways of coping with his or her feelings and needs? How can bystanders intervene to disrupt a pattern of bullying? Jill Vanderwood shares answers to such questions.
Society gets caught between whether a parent who fails to pay child support is a Deadbeat or is truly Dead Broke. Too often kids get lost and forgotten in the middle. Some parents neglect paying child support because they are indifferent and irresponsible. Others are truly unable to provide financial support due to personal circumstances. Simone Spence brings the conversation back to where it needs to be — discussing a system that has been abused by some and under-utilized by others. The system, she explains, is either broken or designed to fail. This is a heated issue. Single parents who are raising children need help. Child support payments are not a privilege or a hand-out. Children have a right to financial support from their parents. Simone helps parents learn how to collect child support.
How widespread is child sexual abuse? What are the short-term and long-term effects? How does healing happen? Guest expert Ivonne Meeuwsen discusses how healing is a layered process with mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual dimensions. To move from victim to survivor to thriver, a person may need different types of therapy at different times along the way. Often the first challenge in therapy is gaining control over the therapy; many therapists think they have the ultimate answer or at least know better than their clients. Ms. Meeuwsen maintains that the client has all the answers and just needs help finding access to them. Healing from child sexual abuse is not easy, but it is possible. To heal and lead a rich, fulfilling life after child sexual abuse takes hard work, courage and, usually, help from a therapist or coach who understands child sexual abuse and its impact on a person.
Coming out as a gay person is a journey, not a one time event. While it may seem that coming out is an individual experience, the reality is that it affects people near and far. Too often the focus is on the individual and how they are navigating the dance out of the closet. In truth, the dance has many partners and complications arise. Coming Out Coach Rick Clemons takes a holistic approach to guiding clients, and those closest to them, through the closet doors with a heart-centered approach that invites as much peace and mutual understanding as possible for all concerned. During this episode of Family Matters, Clemons shares tips and advice for coming out without coming unglued, regardless of the role you play in the coming out experience.
Most people have no idea what happens to the rest of the family when one of its members goes to prison. Having been “in the trenches” doing research with women in that situation, Dr. Avon Hart-Johnson describes the way they often feel grief as if someone died but cannot get closure. The whole family may be symbolically imprisoned, feeling as though they, too, are serving a prison sentence while their loved one serves time. Challenges may include a sense of shame, social stigma, financial strains, lack of social support, and altered family dynamics. The affected individuals often remain in a loop of helplessness, hopelessness, and sadness. Dr. Hart-Johnson discusses these adverse effects on the family. After the loved one’s prison sentence has been served, family reunification is not always easy. There may be new crisis points to overcome. What could improve the situation along the continuum of mass incarceration? That is also a topic of discussion.
Dating after divorce can be a complicated and confusing challenge. How do you start over and attract a healthy relationship partner? How do you prepare yourself emotionally and physically for dating again? What mistakes do divorced people make as they resume dating? Which mistakes are crucial to avoid? How can you avoid them? Where does it make sense to look for worthwhile partners? How can you protect your children from surprises, unrealistic expectations, and the ups and downs of your dating and testing new relationships? What is a healthy way to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend? How can you tell when you have found a “keeper”? Post-Divorce Relationship Expert Rosalind Sedacca answers such questions in this episode of Family Matters.
Many people have traumatic experiences during childhood and must then deal with shame, loss, hostility, and other complex ramifications. Feeling poisoned by their own anger or constrained by a victim mindset, some struggle to forgive what seems unforgivable. For Brenda Adelman the personal trauma included her father killing her mother. Then, making matters worse, he married Brenda’s aunt. Brenda had to deal with this internally. Writing her story just for herself was one step toward healing. Performing it as a one-woman show gave others permission to tell their stories and so begin shedding the layers that were holding them back from healing. Later Brenda earned an M.A. in spiritual psychology, and became a life coach, storytelling mentor, and expert guide for those who want to forgive and set boundaries. She shares her story and her work in this episode of Family Matters.
How do therapists work with very young children, including those who do not yet have all the words needed to express their problems, thoughts, and feelings? Play therapists are trained professionals who offer a safe space to systematically allow children to use their natural language (play) to resolve problems such as anxiety, depression, anger, and low self-esteem. Through the process of play therapy, the child gains a better understanding of the problem and acquires skills to better manage and cope with challenges. In this episode, Dr. Elizabeth Fong describes the concept of play therapy, discusses why play therapy is used, and shares how the process helps children resolve their issues.
Closeness, rivalry, support, connection, control, criticism, jealousy, misunderstandings, misinterpretations of intent — what people want from family relationships and what they experience in them often fail to match. The way siblings talk to each other and listen to each other, or fail or refuse to do so, weighs heavily in how the relationships feel. What a mother says out of concern can easily sound like criticism to a daughter. Add the fact that men’s communication styles are very different from women’s, and you have the complicated, wonderful and terrible phenomenon of family. Dr. Tannen’s research shows how understanding the ways we use words can improve relationships among adult siblings and between parents and their adult children.
Across countries, races, religions, and socio-economic levels, child abuse is distressingly common. Abuse can be physical, emotional, and/or sexual. It can continue in a family from generation to generation until someone steps forward to confront it. Doing so takes courage but can lead to healing. In this program, Maya Hope Kitwana tells her story of abuse, secrecy, breaking her silence, and learning to love herself.
Fred and Jeri Abrams understand the pain of losing your spouse and have some very useful suggestions for reducing the suffering that accompanies it. Their book, Thanks For The Dance, discusses the importance of accepting, both intellectually and emotionally, that your life has irrevocably changed - not a easy thing to do. The most powerful attitude in dealing with loss is transforming your grief over what was lost into gratitude for what you had and still have. This single thing makes all the difference. The book then goes on to offer suggestions on rebuilding your life and considering the possibility of re-marriage. Much more information about the book is on Fred and Jeri’s website www.ThanksForTheDance.com.
Being human includes having biases. Bias originates in the evolutionary inclination to distinguish “friend” (someone like members of my group) from “foe” (someone different from my group) in order to survive. It is a fundamental way that our minds process information, allowing us to stay safe and to navigate through a cacophony of stimuli at a reasonable pace. Our background and experiences create the lenses through which we see, interpret, and judge the world. (Prejudice is judging before knowing much.) Our natural tendency is to see the world as we are, not as it is. When we are busy and distracted or feel guilty about our biases, it is more likely that we will make decisions and take actions unconsciously. Eric Peterson teaches how to pause, notice, and analyze our unconscious judgments and their sources, and so make conscious decisions about how we behave as individuals and as members of organizations.
Retirement has often been viewed as the end to a working career, but today it more likely seen as a new beginning. The road to retirement is seldom smooth. Whether retirement is many years away or right around the corner, you need a sound savings strategy to help overcome obstacles in your path. Taking the appropriate steps today could help make your retirement vision a reality.
Can we train our brains for more happiness and less success? What can neuroscience and spiritual practices teach us about being more mindful and letting go of drama? What is the law of attraction? Does it really have a connection to quantum physics? How does humor help people heal?
We live in the age of helicopter parents and tiger moms. But, more and more, the evidence shows that by doing everything we can to protect our cherished children from failure we are, in fact, not giving them the tools they need to succeed. In “THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed,” Jessica Lahey offers a powerful manifesto and action plan for parents, educators, and others who are preparing the next generation for the challenges life brings.
Attraction knows no boundaries. Relationships that cross culture, religion, nationality, or other differences can be enriching as well as challenging. How can you harness the Yin and Yang in your intimate relationship to create a satisfying, lasting experience of love? Using the latest Gottman Institute research about the science of relationships as well as her professional experiences working with diverse couples, Dr. Vagdevi Meunier will offer practical tips for building intimacy, managing conflict, and creating a flourishing relationship that capitalizes on differences based on culture, religion, or gender.
Stephen Schwertley needed to recover from an unexpected stroke. To do so, he challenged himself to start writing a book! Writing the novel helped this aspiring author to heal from his stroke-related complications while focusing on his life-long dream of publishing his works. “These ideas had been in my head since my college days and I just had not taken the time to get them onto paper,” he said. The result was the novel “Enemy in the Heartland,” which has been called a terror plot page turner. In this show, we discuss symptoms of a stroke, some complications, and the treatment Stephen received, including his self-prescribed creative writing as therapy.
Good parenting skills can be maintained even when marital status changes Children are too often the unintended victims of their parents’ mutual animosity during and after divorce. Convinced that children deserve something better, Ellen Kellner teaches parents how to keep their children’s hearts and spirits at the core of decision-making. We will discuss the four-step process she developed during her own divorce for creating solutions to divorced-parenting challenges. Ellen’s book, The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex, guides parents through 46 divorced-parenting situations using a problem/solution format where a “typical” reaction is contrasted with the “Pro-Child” solution. Whether your divorce has passed or you are still in the midst of the process, your children can benefit from your learning to think in a new way.
Fueled by unsustainable hormone surges, romance ordinarily has a limited life span. Recognizing how men and women differ in brain structure and hormone flows can help people create and continue the kinds of relationships they want. Oversimplifying, a woman’s oxytocin and a man’s testosterone promote opposite behaviors and attitudes. That can make magic for a while, but people who expect courtship behavior to continue indefinitely are usually disappointed. Two out of three divorces are initiated by women, often because women want and expect something different from what men deliver. Dr. Kathy Foster explains that a profound brain change in females causes them to “feel their thinking” in ways unavailable to men. Men and women differ in their thoughts and feelings about sex, connecting emotionally, communication, and conflict. To find what they want in romance and in relationships, both men and women must learn about these gender differences.
Many people find the process of enrolling in Medicare complicated and daunting. They are pummeled by mail solicitations from insurance companies, and they receive government booklets that some folks find hard to decipher. Danielle Kunkle will explain clearly what decisions you need to make, how to gather the information you need, and what key things each beneficiary should prepare for each year. Features and costs of Medicare Gap insurance policies, Medicare Part D drug plans, and Medicare Advantage plans can change every year, and there is a period each year when you can reconfirm or change your coverage. Danielle will explain how Medicare works and help listeners understand the concepts and options. She will also offer great tips for avoiding Medicare insurance pitfalls and not spending money on coverage you don’t really need.
Are you tired of arguing and fighting with your kids? Are you longing for less conflict, more cooperation, and more fun at home? Author and communication coach, Sura Hart, helps parents connect with their kids and enlist their cooperation in creating a “No-fault Home. Sura will share her top tips for creating respectful and cooperative relationships at home. These tips and more can be found in her best-selling book Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Co-operation.
In this era of millennials delaying marriage, gray divorces, frankly open marriages, and same-sex marriages, what questions should prospective brides and grooms ask each other before they marry? Different people have different reasons for marrying and different goals for their marriages. Should almost everyone create a written contract to describe their promises to each other in their marriage? How often should a couple revisit their marital contract? What definitions of success make sense in modern marriages? Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson, authors of “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels,” describe seven different marital models they have uncovered in research and interviews.
True or false: “If you haven’t done anything wrong, you have nothing to fear.” How does the legal system in the U.S. really work? Why do many people spend time in prison for crimes they did not commit? Why would an innocent person plead guilty? Can you get released from jail without seeing a judge? Why do you lose even if you win at trial? Can you get a false arrest or conviction removed from your record? We will discuss these and other important questions about arrests, convictions, and life after prison.
What does a “traditional” family look like? When did that family form emerge? How long is it likely to last? Historian Stephanie Coontz and Dr. Colin will discuss centuries of changes in the purposes of marriage and their somersaulting implications for patriarchy, men's sexuality, women's sexuality, individualism, community, politics, domestic violence, work, intimate relationships, divorce, happiness, and gender roles at home and in public life.
How profoundly has personal digital technology affected family life? Do smartphones and social media decrease, increase, or simply change how family members interact with each other, with friends, with strangers, and with the world? Jenifer Joy Madden provides strategies parents can use to keep technology in perspective, keep family ties strong, and raise children to be healthy, durable people. After introducing the audience to her 15-minute book of inspiration, The Durable Human Manifesto: Practical Wisdom for Living and Parenting in the Digital World, Jenifer gives listeners a preview of her upcoming book, How to Have a Durable Body, the first book in her “Wise Guides” series.
How can you unleash your child's individual potential in the first 3 years of life? How can you launch young children onto a path to becoming intelligent, thinking, self-reliant individuals, build great adult-child relationships that honor the dignity of each individual, and raise young children to be unusually courteous and considerate of others? Dr. Ginny Trierweiler describes how she teaches a new generation of highly conscious parents, as well as nannies and early educators, a natural and effective approach to raising young children to be happy, healthy, intelligent, and successful – each in their own way. The great thing is that, when you use this approach from the beginning with a young child, you can have much greater confidence of achieving ALL of those goals.
The long-term effects of severe abuse during childhood are terribly difficult to overcome. Some people never succeed. Despite years of his mother starving, beating, and tormenting him, Dave Pelzer did. We will discuss his first book, A Child Called It,” which was on the New York Times Bestseller List for several years, and his most recent book, “Too Close To Me,” which tells how he has struggled for decades with relationships, trust, and believing in his own worth. It also describes his eventual triumph. Dave has much to teach about overcoming adversity and about helping others who deal with all kinds of trauma.
Tara Eisenhard grew up thinking that divorce was a good thing. Her parents’ cooperative divorce and subsequent co-parenting demonstrated that for her. Her own divorce also went well overall. We will discuss her vision of healthy, mindful, socially-accepted divorces that are accompanied by ceremonies and registries. Instead of tearing each other down through the legal system, couples in a marriage that no longer works can reframe their experience and work together to find solutions. Instead of dissolving, a family can evolve. We will also discuss Tara’s book “The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s Eyes.”
This show has two parts: first a discussion of cutting-edge research on divorce from the vantage point of those who have been through the process and are reflecting back about their thoughts and feelings; and second a discussion of prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. In part 1, we discuss the fascinating array of letters to ex-spouses that Vicki Shemin has collected, each beginning with “…And I just wanted you to know.” Attorney Shemin plans to write a book about the research that includes these letters and an important accompanying survey. To participate in the research, go to www.surveymonkey.com/s/XC89FQ9. In part 2, we address questions such as these: When is the best time to develop a prenuptial agreement? What is a good way to approach your partner about a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement? How well do such agreements work? What are the benefits and drawbacks of creating them? Can they be contested? With expert descriptions of decision-making before marriage and during marriage and also discussion of feelings and thoughts long after a marriage ends, this program is rich. To learn more about attorney Vicki Shemin's services, visit www.BostonLawCollaborative.com
What we call “blended families” are a lot more challenging than the name implies. Stepfamilies can be healthy, happy families and good places to raise children, but building a successful stepfamily is quite different from making a first-time family. The good news is that we can now know a lot about what works. The bad news is that much of what works is not intuitive. Blogs often include well-intentioned but bad advice. Based on a solid understanding of relevant research and over three decades of clinical experience, Dr. Patricia Papernow will describe what works and what doesn’t work for creating a thriving stepfamily. She will provide specific strategies for success and some useful guidelines for navigating the twists and turns of becoming a stepfamily.
What can your kids teach you about business? What can business teach you about raising your kids? What do immigrants experience and do as they settle in the United States, begin to learn English, and raise their children? How can a single father with serious job responsibilities raise a daughter on his own? Based on personal experience, Chris Efessiou, author of CDO Chief Daddy Officer® - The Business of Fatherhood, will discuss questions such as these.
As the Parkinson’s community continues to grow, so do the critical needs of individuals like Robert Baittie who are affected by the disease. This makes raising awareness and increasing participation in clinical trials vitally important. Robert will describe his personal, spiritual responses to this widespread illness. Events like Moving Day®, held in Chicago and in cities across the nation, contribute resources and funds that are needed for continuing research and care. In addition they inspire and bring together families, friends, and communities in the fight against Parkinson’s disease. Robert will describe the empowering, nationwide network of love and support this creates. Robert’s goal is to have his efforts bring hope and inspiration to people struggling with this disease and to their families
Raising teenagers brings challenges for many parents. Being an adolescent comes with built-in challenges for teens. The same goes for being relevant and effective as a dad or a mom, for co-parenting after divorce, and for raising happy, well-adjusted children of any age. Working as a compassionate parenting coach and life coach, ShaRon Rea empowers teens, men, and women with insights that lead to enjoying happier, more fulfilling relationships and lives. We will discuss both what she has learned while coaching family members and the global movement she founded: No Judgment. Just Love.™ ShaRon helps people move from negative to positive and treat each other with respect and dignity. Her websites are http://www.thewholefamilycoaching.com and http://www.nojudgmentjustlove.com. Her books include “Activity and Inspiration Book for Parents of Preteens & Teens” and “The Whole Family Healing After Divorce – Activity and Inspiration Book.”
“Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids” will be our primary topic of conversation. How can you get children of different ages to look forward to having dinner as a family? How can you teach them to want to eat nutritious meals? How do you get a conversation going? How do you keep it interesting and enjoyable? How can you make times for family dinners when everyone has so many activities? People say that eating together as a family helps children in many ways. Scientific evidence supports that claim.
For more than thirty years, distinguished psychiatrist Dr. Lance Dodes has been successfully helping people master their addictions -- alcoholism, compulsive gambling, smoking, sexual addiction, and more. We will discuss his new way to understand and treat addiction -- a way that offers the chance for success to the vast number of people who have been failed by mainstream addiction treatment systems. Dr. Dodes will also attempt to clarify and debunk some of the popular myths we are all told about addiction and how to treat it. He will describe how people can make better choices for themselves when seeking help, once they are armed with a more sophisticated grasp of the nature of addiction.
How do individuals and families survive after the suicide of a relative or close friend? How can some suicides be prevented? These will be our topics of discussion. When Carl David was only sixteen, his brother Bruce, age 22, committed suicide. Bruce’s unexpected death tore the David family apart. There were too many questions unanswered and seemingly too much hurt to bear. The family had to learn to fight, stay strong, and choose life. Suicide claims more than a million lives each year. It knows no boundaries -- not age, gender, color, race, or nationality. Its victims are pulled down by depression, disease, sexual confusion, bullying, peer pressures, drugs, feelings of desperation, and/or deep feelings of inadequacy. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable. Mr. David will discuss his book “Bader Field: How My Family Survived Suicide,” which he hopes will help others cope with depression and suicidal tendencies and not apply a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Peter Rosenberger, author of Hope for the Caregiver, discusses practical, faith-based, and compassionate help and understanding for caregivers. Seeking to serve the vast population of America’s 65 million volunteer caregivers of vulnerable loved ones, Peter compiles his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers. Addressing core issues such as loss of identity, isolation, fear, resentment, and guilt, “Hope for the Caregiver” allows readers to understand that they CAN be healthy while caring for their loved ones— that they love their charges better while protecting their own physical, fiscal, emotional, and even professional health. Recognizing that caregivers daily put themselves between disaster and a vulnerable loved one, “Hope for the Caregiver” offers “just-in-time” assistance and helps readers plan for the marathon of caring for someone with chronic health issues.
In this entertaining and thought-provoking show, Martin Hurlburt will explain how money management impacts our health, relationships, spirituality, and mental well-being. In some cases, personal finances split families apart. Mr. Hurlburt will describe the primary problem when it comes to making good financial choices and offer three simple solutions that can help you lead a happier, less stressed, more productive life.
LGBT families are a growing part of the evolving family landscape, yet they still must continually negotiate for limited resources while working to legitimize their families. With the Supreme Court set to decide this summer on the question of marriage equality, perhaps the 1,138 benefits afforded married couples will help ease many LGBT families’ struggles. Along with the social recognition of legalized marriage may come other help to LGBT families, including domestic violence support, clear rights for LGBT elders and their partners, and safe haven for LGBT youth. We will discuss Dr. Mezey’s new book, LGBT Families, which is based on exhaustive research on the challenges for these families and the many benefits their well-being offers to society overall.
Even after learning as much as they can from an adoption agency, parents who adopt children who are over age 2 and who come from a foreign country face large and unexpected difficulties. Regina Radomski, adoption educator and advocate, will describe her family’s experience and share practical advice for families to use before, during, and after an adoption. Guided preparation can reduce the stress and chaos that sometimes come with adopting a child.
Many parents have difficulty getting babies to sleep through the night or getting babies and toddlers to fall asleep on their own (without nursing or being rocked to sleep). Some are not sure what to do about naps, how much sleep a child really needs, what constitutes a good bedtime routine, and when bedtime should be. Some young children have nightmares that leave their parents worried and bewildered. Michelle Winters of SleepWell Sleep Solutions will discuss such matters and describe gentle ways for the whole family to get better sleep. Michelle will offer specific ideas for making bedtime easier and more enjoyable.
With about half of the children in the United Sates growing up in divorced families, chances are that you, your family, and/or your friends will be dealing with an ex. How parents navigate the conflicts with their exes has a huge impact on their children's growth and development. Dr. Ed Farber, author of the popular book Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate, will help you identify the critical factors that affect divorce outcomes. He will describe specific tools that help divorced parents to deal with holidays, school choices, the sports field, step-parents, and visitation refusals and discuss parenting plans that reduce the conflicts between warring parents and immunize the child from much of the damage that sometimes results from separation and divorce.
When people age and cope with changes in their physical abilities, memories, intelligence, and personalities, they and their families have to make big decisions about health care, estate planning, family caregiving, nursing homes, adult guardianship, and family finances. In this program, Bob Rhudy will discuss how families make these decisions, with or without involving a family mediator. He will also discuss the special training that mediators need if they want to help families make elder care decisions.
One partner can transform a relationship! According to Stacey Martino it does NOT take two to tango! You CAN create the rock solid alignment you want and reignite the passion in your relationship, even if it has fizzled or if you are in a passion-less relationship right now. You do not need your partner to participate in the transformation process. Intimate relationships can be challenging. On your own initiative, Stacey says, you can get the results you want in your relationship! Stacey will describe her step-by-step Relationship Transformation System®, which is used every day by thousands of people around the world.
Shockingly large numbers of women and men find themselves in abusive marriages. Most stay in denial for a long time because abuse -- insistence on power and control, with or without physical violence -- evolves so gradually. Eventually the entire family walks on eggshells, suffering stress, pain, and isolation. Getting out of the nightmare takes amazing courage. Filing for separation and/or divorce can be dangerous. Not doing so might be worse. Sometimes a restraining order is needed. In court, abused spouses quickly learn that the legal system is not about justice. It’s about how you play the game, and to stay in the game, you must be able to pay substantial legal fees. Often the abuser has the money and the desire to escalate and prolong the battle. Where is justice when your spouse turns the legal system into a new weapon by hiring an expensive bully attorney to intimidate the victim and drain family resources? How is a prolonged court battle in the best interest of the child?
Co-parenting after a separation or divorce can be difficult – especially if you believe you are dealing with a “high-conflict” co-parent. In this program, Bill Eddy will discuss some of the common problems co-parents face and how to deal with them as a parent or as a professional – especially if there has been intense conflict between the parents. He offers tested ideas about how to communicate peacefully, how to respond to angry emails and comments without being angry back, how to calm emotions when upset, how to make proposals to solve problems, and how to let go of conflicts. Mr. Eddy also provides excellent suggestions about “what to tell the kids” about a high-conflict co-parent. He will also discuss his new 12-session Online Co-Parenting class, which includes high-conflict issues and anger management issues, and the benefits of mediation for resolving family disputes.
After a murder, the people who have lost a loved one are often engulfed by feelings of guilt, shame, isolation, and anguish. The EMIR Healing Center provides concrete, practical, and compassionate support to help them heal. Its strong connection to the community gives people access to life-saving information and, in time, helps them recreate hope and a desire to live. Why are violence and murder ordinary in some communities? How can we interrupt and undo the personal and societal attitudes that perpetuate violence and suffering? How can institutionalized and internalized racism be overcome? The EMIR Healing Center also provides education about grief and trauma. In its workshops in community high schools students have revealed layers of untreated trauma. Untreated trauma perpetuates violence. The services EMIR provides help decrease violence and retaliatory murders. The community’s trust and acceptance make it possible for EMIR to assist individuals in need.
If your marital “I do’s” become “I don’ts”, you may have to learn quickly to make decisions about complex financial questions -- assets, debts, alimony, etc. Your decisions could affect you for the rest of your life. Find out how you can be smart from the start and prevent common, costly mistakes that often have PERMANENT consequences. Listen in as Dr. Virginia Colin interviews divorce financial expert Lisa C. Decker about why you need more than just legal advice and how you CAN have a saner, savvier, money-saving divorce.
In cases of separation and divorce, is shared parenting, defined as joint legal custody and shared physical custody, best for children? State courts often deprive children of the opportunity to spend ample amounts of time with each parent. The National Parents Organization has issued the nation’s first comprehensive review of child custody statutes as they relate to shared parenting in separation and divorce cases. It found that family courts award sole custody, usually to the mother, in over 80% of child custody cases. “In 2014, three separate, highly regarded reviews of decades of child development research have concluded that shared parenting is best for children,” says Dr. Holstein, Chair of the National Parents Organization. Which states are embracing this knowledge? Which states are continuing to rely on precedents set in the 1950s? What consequences do these rulings have for America’s children?
Is the parent-child relationship being threatened in America? Is society requiring that parents give their children too little freedom and too much supervision? Who should be allowed to tell parents what they can and cannot do with their own children? What does the U.S. Constitution say about the rights parents and children should have in their relationships with each other? David DeLugas will address these and other questions about courts and government agencies making decisions about parent-child relationships -- decisions that are sometimes disruptive and damaging for families. Before and during the show, everyone may send questions for Mr. DeLugas to radioshow@colinfamilymediationgroup.com
Famous family mediator Forrest “Woody” Mosten will discuss why family mediation peace-making services are so important, why it is important, for the benefit of society, for family mediators to be able to earn a living from their work, some of the many reasons people might want to hire a family mediator to help them resolve a family problem, why court is much too often a health hazard for families, how legal services can be unbundled, and how family mediators do the amazing things they do. We may also get to discuss the Academy of Professional Family Mediators.
Many single parents do it all, working sometimes two jobs, doing household chores, and taking care of the kids, with no time for themselves. Often they feel alone --as if others just don't understand, which compounds their sense of stress and pressure. As two out of three children are being raised by a single parent for part or all of childhood in the U.S., these families need help. In this show, we'll discuss how to reduce the stress and help these families go from surviving to thriving.
Do you hate your divorce lawyer as much as you hate your spouse? Sadly, many people do, partly because they chose lawyers too soon, before they knew how complex divorce is. Jennifer Moheyer, heart-centered lawyer and founder of the National Divorce Support Alliance, the nation's largest divorce support organization, will describe the many aspects of your life that are involved in and affected by divorce. She will list many other kinds of professionals who may be more important than a lawyer as you begin to plan your separation and think about the terms of your separation agreement. The important thing, she says, is to consider multiple aspects of your life and develop a strategy for transforming your life in a positive way while you go through the processes of divorce.
John Fiske has been helping couples stay married on good terms for decades by providing marriage mediation services. When does marriage mediation make sense? When different spending patterns are threatening a marriage, when loss of a job and long unemployment have caused high levels of stress, when a couple is considering divorce but thinks that renegotiating their relationship might save their marriage, when a couple is planning to form a stepfamily, when the honeymoon phase has ended and a couple wants help figuring out how to keep the sparkle in their relationship -- all of these are situations in which a family mediator can help. Listeners are likely to hear some engaging and encouraging stories.
In a conversational interview, Virginia Colin will talk about who she is, why she decided to host a radio show, what topics are likely to be discussed in future episodes, what her goals for the show are, and why she cares about these matters. The interview will probably include comments about family mediation, marriage, divorce, elder care decisions, non-traditional family forms, co-parenting, and stepfamilies.