Cross Examined Life: Recent Episodes
Chris Tatem
Cross Examined Life improves the way we disagree with one another. Each week, my guests advances and defends their position on a controversial topic. Then together, we exemplify thoughtful and respectful disagreement. I’m Chris – I love challenging assumptions. I encourage you to Ask More Questions.
Chris defends: The US should reduce the size of its military.
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Jeanne defends: Masks should be required in public schools.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS: 1.) Be willing and ready to ask your conversation partner a hypothetical, so that you can better understand how far down the line of possible scenarios their position extends.
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Ramin defends: The US should send more aid to Ukraine and impose stricter sanctions.
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Brendan defends: No one should donate to animal-related charities
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS: 1. As you state your support or lack of support for conversation partner’s hypothetical scenarios, state your position, but don’t be afraid to offer the reason for and context about your position.
- If you reference a body of knowledge outside the conversation, summarize what it teaches before moving on, so that your conversation partner feels included and is able to understand your points following your reference to those learnings.
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Angela defends: Married couples should have separate bank accounts.
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Mike and Nick debate whether Bitcoin will last or whether it is a fad.
1: Defining your terms and its sub-terms and factors is critical to understanding between conversation partners.
2: Responding clearly to each of your partner’s points is a great way to keep ideas organized.
3: Every once in a while, summarize what you think your conversation partner is saying, and check with them, before moving on, that they are in fact saying what you think they’re saying.
4: Honestly acknowledge vulnerabilities in your position and resist the temptation to imply that you have a perfect or comprehensive response to every argument advanced.
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This special, bonus episode was recorded live, the evening of the 2020 presidential election in the U.S. It's more of a conversation, than a cross-exam. Much was left unsaid.
Comments: call or text 307-240-9190 to let Chris know your thoughts!
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Andrew defends: Twitter should not ban political ads.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Use phrases like “I can’t prove this” and “I may be wrong” before asserting your facts or conclusions. 2. Acknowledge that you don’t always have a perfect, airtight argument.
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Frank defends: Donald Trump deserves a 2nd term.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. No matter what you oppose, go look for material that contradicts your own biases: you may be surprised what you find.
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Instead of dismissing a suspicious fact out of hand as untrue, research it and find out the real truth or falsity of the statement.
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Words matter. Although actions speak louder than words, it’s somewhat disingenuous for us to tell people they should ignore our words and only focus on our actions.
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No matter how far down a rabbit trail you’ve gone, always circle back and answer the question posed.
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Be careful about calling a conversation childish, or otherwise unimportant.
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Consider the power of forgiving the insults of others and instead of meeting those insults blow for blow, treating the other person better – and perhaps how you would want to be treated.
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Pat defends: A Bachelors' Degree is a Waste of Money.
No Practical Takeaway Tips this week. Pat crushed it!
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Gabe defends: Riots are a valuable and effective form of protest.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Layer your arguments in support of one another. 2. Cite both historical and recent examples in support of your position.
Chris defends: Stocking up on supplies prior to and during a crisis should be illegal.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If your conversation partner only offers criticisms with no proposed solution, insist that they at least sketch out, in broad strokes, a potential solution to the problem identified.
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Acknowledge that your conversation partner may have already answered your question, and then confirm that you understand their argument thus far, before asking your next question.
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Use your conversation partner’s source of data as you present them with tough questions.
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Ed defends: Fake News is a significant problem in 2020.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If your question is not answered the first or second time, find new ways to ask it, until it's answered. 2. If there's an assumption baked into your question, generously respond when your partner points that out.
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Mike defends: Universal Basic Income Does Not Make Sense.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If you can zoom out and determine whether you fundamentally disagree about the role of a certain institution in society, that will help frame the argument. 2. Instead of labeling the other side's position as something potentially condescending, just respond to the merits of the idea. 3. Be honest! State what hurdle would have to be removed for you to be on board with the opposing viewpoint.
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Ashley defends: Kids under 16 should not have privacy online.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. When you mention something specific in conversation, take a moment to verify that your conversation partner is as familiar with that thing as you are. If they are not, generously explain it, rather than rushing past it and assuming they know it.
- When you answer a hypothetical question that extends your argument even further, don’t be afraid to qualify your YES/NO that adds nuance and specificity to your answer, if there are some situations in which your answer just wouldn’t apply.
Marden defends: Anti-Vaxxers Are Making the World More Dangerous.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Even when someone is unwilling to take our suggestion, respect their right to disagree with you, educate them on what you believe to be the consequences of their choice, and generously invite them to return in the future, if they would ever need your services or further information in the future.
- When our conversation incorrectly summarizes our words or mischaracterizes our statements, try to avoid being defense, aggressive, or condescending about them misquoting you, and instead reach for generous, kind and forgiving language, like what Marden used when he said, “Ah no, I didn’t quite say that.”
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Stacey defends: Insurance companies should not be regulated.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Look at the underlying, intended motivation for something you oppose, and describe why the underlying motivation doesn’t have the intended effect.
- Don’t be afraid to take what you are bringing to the conversation and use that to reframe a question asked by your partner, to make it the most helpful version of the question.
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Joel defends: Men must lead households in Christian families.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge when the reality of what you're arguing for has gone poorly in practice.
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Consider your argument from the shoes of the person on the opposite side of the issue as you, and try to imagine how they might feel when they hear your position advanced.
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When your conversation partner is advocating one solution or policy for a given situation, ask them to imagine how others solve that same problem, without adopting their proposed solution.
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When the proposal being advanced feels limiting or potentially stifling, turn the tables on your conversation partner by asking how they would feel if that proposal were imposed on members of their own family.
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David defends: The U.S. electoral college should be eliminated.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS
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Don’t reveal where you come down on a political or religious issue, if your position on that issue is not essential to, and can create a distraction from, the larger point at issue.
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Mirroring back your conversation partner’s words not only shows that you’re listening actively, but helps you ensure that you’re understanding the nuance of the position being advanced.
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When you don’t have a strong response to a question, admit that; and in the process, gain credibility and honesty points with your conversation partner.
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Heather defends: Capitalism is harmful to society.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Use phrases that your conversation partner uses, instead of your own, to focus on the underlying idea, rather than get hung up on the vocabulary.
- If you don’t know the facts, preface your answer by being honest that you’re speculating or extrapolating, then go back and verify the facts later.
Stephanie and Antony debate this question.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Pause at times to take stock of where both sides are in the disagreement, note common ground, and then identify areas of sharper disagreement to address.
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Asking tough questions is one of the strongest tools available to advance the conversation and to alert your conversation partner that there’s something important you want them to address or resolve. Sometimes asking all your questions at once, when they’re fresh in your mind, can also clue your partner in to where you mind is leading the conversation.
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These words signal that you’re listening, and ensure that you understand your conversation partner: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I heard you say is…”
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Ryan defends: The Govt Should Screen our Kids' Mental Health Each Year.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Repeat the other person’s explanation in your own words. This not ensures that you’re beginning from common definitions, but it’s respectfully, because it shows the other person you are hearing and understand them.
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After providing your more detailed explanation with nuance, come back to the original question, ask yourself whether or not you’ve fully answered it, and if, on balance, the answer to the question asked was one way or another, indicate that.
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Resist the temptation to call one more question your “last” or “final question.” Simply ask it, then re-evaluate the need for additional questions.
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Colleen defends: Christians should be willing to vote for pro-choice candidates.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Just because something is described as "semantics", don't write it off as not worth discussing. 2. Be brave and be willing to say that something is not black and white - then describe how it's nuanced.
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The 4,000 individuals walking to the US through Mexico have the right to apply for Asylum and have their claims fairly considered – on the basis of due process.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. In presenting your position, give the audience a broad outline of your various points. Then, go back and fill in the details underlying each point. Finally, remind the audience what you told them.
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Make sure you understand the question well, clarifying if necessary, before providing an answer.
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After your answer, check in with your memory to make sure you answered the Q that was asked. If you did not; admit you didn’t answer the question, then tackle it head on. If needed, ask for further clarifications before answering.
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Ask for space to think through a question. If someone asks for it, without criticism, grant space for someone to think through your question, or issue presented, out loud.
Dan defends: All Billboards Should Be Eliminated
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Rob defends: Many human rights do not exist.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Clarify definitions of uncommon words or foundational terms at the beginning of your argument. 2. Don’t take laws or Supreme Court decisions for granted. 3. Try to employ hypothetical questions, even if they present absurd scenarios, to test the foundational beliefs of the person with whom you’re arguing.
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Felicity defends: Bike Helmets Should Be Required by Law.
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Chris Tatem is interviewed by Jeshua from the Joshua D. Noel podcast. In this interview, Chris shares his thoughts on life and his motivations for creating Cross Examined Life.
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Gail & Jeremy debate whether 3D printed guns should be available online to anyone.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Don’t be afraid to verify that you heard the other side correctly.
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Use series of questions with increasing specificity to drill down on a point you want to highlight.
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If you disagree with a suggestion, don’t be afraid to voice that disagreement directly and specifically.
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Resist the temptation to find support for your arguments in personal experiences. Instead, try to consider how it affects everyone.
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Try to focus on issues that address the least-ideal cases rather than focusing on the ideal case that’s close and familiar to you
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Michael defends: Players should be permitted to kneel during the national anthem.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Provide facts that might support your opposition – since good arguments is not about a great quantity of facts, but using the consequences of those facts more persuasively.
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Don’t be afraid to bring up uncomfortable moments in your life, as a way of helping your listener understand and empathize with you.
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Keep in mind that the First Amendment is only relevant if the Government is threatening to impinge on your freedom of speech.
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Katie defends: Big travelers should buy 2 seats on a plane.
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Bunmi defends: Hate speech should be illegal.
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Rob defends: Transgenderism Perpetuates Gender Stereotypes and Ignores Scientific Definitions.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If you're asked a confusing question, ask that it be rephrased! 2. Acknowledge when your conversation partner is able to neatly restate or summarize a point you struggled to make earlier on.
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Jessica Defends: Interactive Services and Companies that help to facilitate online sex trafficking should not be protected by the 1 Amendment right to freedom of speech.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS --> Don't be too quick to run to the flagpole of "freedom of speech" when you are frustrated in an argument. Consider whether there are competing concerns for freedom or safety that might make the right to freedom of speech less important.
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Dylan defends: Provocative language is helpful in conversation.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. When your conversation partner says something you disagree with or find insulting, try to table that issue for later if it’s not the main point you’re discussing right now. 2. Even when your conversation partner challenges the very foundation of your purpose, continue listening, engaging and asking questions. 3. Don’t get distracted by names or words that aren’t relevant to the argument being advanced.
Article from TIME Magazine about Guns in Australia: http://time.com/4172274/what-its-like-to-own-guns-in-a-country-with-strict-gun-control/
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Bob defends: Limiting America's access to firearms will not make America safer.
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Kwesi defends: In the wake of natural disasters (including hurricanes), companies should not inflate their prices on essentials, like water, gas and food.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If you find yourself emotionally invested in a disagreement, take a step back and try to identify your own contradictions.
Dave defends: Confederate Monuments Should Remain Standing.
No Practical Takeaway Tips this week. Instead, let us know what you think by getting in touch via one of the methods below!
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Emily defends: Charter schools should not exist.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Don’t hold fast to your position, when your experience tells you the answer is more complicated.
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Don’t insist on an immediate implementation for a policy that would harm the people the policy is designed to protect.
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Be willing to concede facts you may disagree with, but take them as true for the purposes of advancing the argument.
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When you see rabit holes emerge, try to save them for the end of your discussion.
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Brandon defends: Sometimes, the death penalty is the only appropriate punishment.
No Practical Takeaway Tips this week
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Moira defends: Gentrification is bad for diversity.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If the example or analogy you're using is not resonating with your opponent; find a new one or a new strategy.
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Eric defends: Corporal punishment should end in American public schools.
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Andrea defends: Public lands should be protected.
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William defends: There should be no minimum voting age.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Re-engage with the same question if it hasn’t been answered. Bonus points for finding a respectful and thoughtful way to do that. 2. Avoid cutting one another off. 3. Ask just a single question at a time
Link defends: Intellectual Property rights are a contradiction in terms and should not exist.
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Sara defends: Death is not a problem that needs fixing.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Respond to your opponent honestly, even when your response surprises you. 2. Respectfully acknowledge the principles and values held by your opposition, while indicating why you prioritize them differently. 3. Own your position, even when confronted with extreme examples.
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Marc defends: Physician-assisted suicide should not be legal.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Define terms both within and implied by your argument. 2. Don’t suggest things are wildly different from one another when they are in fact, more closely related. 3. Answer the question asked, without trying to give a new speech. 4. Before attacking it, summarize the argument of your opponent.
Mary Kate defends: In 9 out of 10 cases, a mother and her baby would be safer giving birth in a home vs hospital setting.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Be bold and direct when your position second-guesses or questions the wisdom of experts or professionals. 2. If you’ve lost track of someone’s question you’re trying to answer, just ask them to restate it. 3. Call people out on their misconceptions.
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Rich defends: A four-year bachelor degree is a right and should be paid for by the government.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. If you are arguing that something is a right, try to be precise about where that right comes from. 2. Mirror the language your opponent uses back at them. 3. Identify and mention larger problems that need to be solved on the way to implementing your solution.
Mark defends: Driverless cars should not be widely implemented.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. When there’s no way for either speaker can be factually right or wrong, just let go of the point and shift gears to a new point. 2. Try to identify before your disagreement or early on during the conversation what some of the biggest fundamental questions and issues are. 3. Do you best to be present to your opponent so you can actively listen and soak up their words. 4. Ask for clarification of the question, to avoid answering a question that wasn’t asked.
Teresa defends: The likelihood of misusing the words terrorist/terrorism is so great that these words should not be used.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. When you’re at a loss for words, try to return to the arguments laid out by your opponent and choose the next one to address. 2. Don’t let someone avoid giving their real opinion by crediting someone else with a statement. 3. Always mentally review whether your response answered the question asked. 4. When you’re talking to someone who wants to eliminate the usage of certain words or options, ask them what they’d like to see instead. 5. Roll with the questions, even when they come in unexpected moments.
Christine defends: We should prioritize the advancement of space travel, with the goal of becoming an interplanetary species.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Explain your choice of words used to state your position, early on. 2. Figure out if the future you are arguing for is inevitable – if it is, help your opponent see that inevitability and then dare them to argue that we should fight the inevitable. 3. Number your reasons, for organization and future reference. 4. Before a controversial discussion or argument, take a moment to anticipate your opponent’s arguments. 5. Be honest when you notice yourself rambling or straying from the question asked. Admit that you may not have answered the question, AND if you’re on the other side –just rephrase the question when you hear that, don’t gloat. 6. Acknowledge the validity of the other’s question – even if there’s some issue the other failed to consider. 7. Recognize when a piece of your argument is not strong enough for your whole position to rest on, but is perhaps just a collateral consequence or fringe benefit, as Christine said, of the thing you are arguing for. 8. Ask a WHY question if you need to buy time to think. 9. Try to keep your analogies relevant to something that people deal with everyday. 10. Bring both percentages and raw numbers with you into discussions where money plays an important role. 11. Tell your opponent when they bring up a point that is good – and maybe one you never thought about.
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Mark defends: A vote, even for a candidate you expect to lose, is not a throw-away vote.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Don’t just knock out the competing options to your idea, but give reasons why your opponent should affirmatively support your idea. 2. Recognize when you’ve used words or phrases that are likely unfamiliar to your opponent, then just explain them in a respectful way. 3. Try to limit or avoid saying that phrase you frequently drop, intended to short-circuit the conversation or make a point seem more obvious than it might be. 4. Saying that a point is obvious fails to add anything meaningful to a conversation – and can be hurtful. 5. Point out when you hear a good question from your opponent.
Faith defends: World travel is an essential; not an expensive luxury.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Present alternatives when you think someone is wrong. 2. Unpack the explanation of your opponent in the smallest chunks possible. 3. Ask for specifics before calling a claim that sounds wild or crazy, false. 4. Don’t offer answers to questions you’re asking – just ask them. Suggesting answers makes you seem smug or like you’re asking a rhetorical question. 5. Re-engage until you have received a satisfactory answer to your question. 6. Be honest about circumstances in which your statement might not always be true.
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John defends: Excessive gerrymandering is bad for the health of the American polity.
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAY TIPS 1. Point out where things are going well or show promise, as you outline a problem.
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Be willing to point out that the problem isn’t 100% true all the time, even if it means walking back a previous allegation.
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Ask for more details in areas you see you lack knowledge.
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Acknowledge when your opponent makes a point that, in even in a small fraction of instances, could prove you wrong.
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Be ready to offer solutions.
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Anthony defends: Anarchy/Privatizing government functions is smarter.
- Clarify what you’re not talking about.
- Note when you’re limiting a word’s definition for the purposes of this conversation.
- Suggest an example you and your opponent can walk through, to avoid muddying the waters.
- Don’t frame something as definite when it’s really just a likelihood or not even.
- Answer the question asked before arguing with the point it’s making.
- Verify you are correct when you say you are anticipating a question or argument.
- Be especially polite when you cut in to the conversation or stop someone mid-sentence.
- Use the phrase, “to be honest with you” when you’re about to admit something truly honest and maybe open yourself up vulnerably, not just when you want to be especially persuasive.
- Express your dislike of another’s argument, while affirming your respect for them as a person.
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(call or text 307-240-9190 to let Chris know your thoughts!) Liam defends the position: In this day and age, a college degree is obsolete.
Ten Takeaway Tips:
- Keep your explanations brief.
- Challenge the foundational definition.
- Don’t be afraid to flip an assumed advantage on its head.
- Re-frame and re-ask your question when your opponent doesn’t see what you are getting at.
- Agree with a goal, but challenge the way to get there.
- Propose new solutions when you reject a tradition.
- Point out that your opponent’s counter-proposal still allows your proposal to be valid.
- Summarize your opponent’s position generously.
- Point out where, specifically, you believe your opponent’s position falls short.
- Call out a false dichotomy when you see one.
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Ep 004's Ten Takeaway Tips 1. Have examples that demonstrate the truth of your position ready to go. 2. Draw precise distinctions between two similar things for clarity. 3. Ask your opponent to specify how much they agree or disagree with an example of what you’re talking about. 4. Refocus your opponent on your question, generously. 5. Give your opponent the benefit of the doubt on factual matters that are new to you, if they present them during your disagreement. 6. Listen your opponent’s example or hypothetical, adopt it, then use it to show the absurdity of their position. 7. Verify you understand your opponent’s position before moving on to your bigger points. 8. Offer affirmations of observations and speculation made by your opponent that are consistent with your experience. 9. Take responsibility when your opponent doesn’t get your meaning. 10. Demonstrate your reasonableness by admitting that you’ll live with the outcome, even if it’s not the outcome you’re fighting for.
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Robert defends the position: Healthcare can be and should be a fundamental human right.
Ep 003's Ten Takeaway Tips 1. Number your points to help you and your opponent keep track of multiple issues. 2. Highlight where you agree, then reframe the argument about where there’s actual disagreement. 3. When you’re advocating that a fundamental right be recognized, link it back to specific language in a document or other agreement that your opponent agrees is valid. 4. Before you start to pick apart someone’s argument, zoom out from the specific and see if there’s broader questions about how they arrived at their conclusion that they could explain, first, to add clarity. 5. When you draw comparisons or give examples, think through them first to see if they’re similar enough to this case to use. 6. Resist the urge to ask more than one question. 7. Don’t demonize the opposing viewpoint or movement. 8. Instead of criticizing a lack of evidence, politely invite your opponent to provide that evidence. 9. If you know there’s criticisms of your position, tell your opponent that you recognize them. 10. If you see a legitimate concern of your opponent, recognize it.
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Sunil defends the position: We can reasonably know that the Bible is God’s word and not just the opinions of men.
Ep 002's Ten Takeaway Tips 1. Choose as a starting point or foundational principle for your position some statement or fact that you and your opponent can both agree on. 2. Always return to the question or issue at hand. 3. To redirect the concersation towards the relevant issue, answer the question first, then suggest a new focus. 4. If your opponent has asked the same question several times, recognize that you might not be providing a direct response. 5. Anticipating the argument of your opponent shows that you understand there are strong criticisms to your position. It also takes the wind out of your opponents sails on at least that point. 6. Verify the meaning of uncommon words or phrases. 7. Question assumptions by asking your opponent if they’re making the assumption you suspect they are. 8. Correct incorrect factual claims before answering questions. 9. Do not interrupt your opponent – even when you’re really excited or angry. 10. Beware of the false dichotomy. This is the moment you ask a stinging question and try to limit your opponent to one of two answers – both of which are bad for their position. 11. Keep your responses relevant to the issue at hand. 12. Acknowledge the weaknesses in your position by crediting your opponent with finding holes in it. 13. Be transparent when you suspect the motives of your opponent. It may help dig up more important, underlying issues.
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Jonathan defends the position: Controlled substances should be legalized and deregulated.
Ep 000's Ten Takeaway Tips 1. Make sure you and your opponent are defining importants words the same way. 2. If you’re unclear about the position the other is taking, repeat it back to them and let them re-phrase. 3. Address your opponent’s first argument, first. It’s probably the one they care most about. 4. When someone explains how something causes a phenomenon, see if there’s could be other factors that explain that same thing. 5. If someone is not hearing you, try to frame your position in a different way. 6. Respect the question and don’t be afraid to ask that it be repeated. 7. If you feel yourself disliking a conclusion, but you acknowledge that all of the premises leading to that conclusion are true, say that you see the validity of that point. 8. If you need time to consider a point, just ask for it. 9. If you said something you regret saying, own that you didn’t like it either. 10. Even if you can’t provide an answer, validate the legitimacy of your opponent’s question.
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Ep 000 is just the introduction to the all new series that gives you a front row seat to an exciting clash of ideas that improves the way we disagree with one another, over the beliefs we hold most strongly. We publish new cross-exams each Saturday morning (in the U.S.), starting Feb 18, 2017. Ask More Questions.
Length: 3 min.
Call or text Chris at (+1) 307-240-9190
Get in touch! questions@crossexaminedlife.com www.crossexaminedlife.com www.facebook.com/crossexaminedlife Tweet us:@CELpodcast Insta: @crossexaminedlife Keep the debate going in the Cross Examined Life Community on FB (request to JOIN)