Gargantuan Heart: Recent Episodes
Melissa Main
LoFi, perfectly imperfect original songs, stories and poems played for you from the bedroom, backyard, backroads and dusty, bulging archive audio files. With love from my gargantuan heart, MM ox
Whatcha looking for?
Where you going now?
Whatcha needing to find
Whatcha hungry for
Where are you headed to
What are you leaving behind
Coz I got to
jump when I gotta jump
roll when I gotta roll
sing when I gotta sing
breathe when I gotta breathe
yell when I gotta yell
eat when I gotta eat
O
I
got
to take
care
of me
o
Stick Stick Stick
How great how great how great is
a stick?
You could give me a ball
(But how 'bout a stick?)
You could give me a frisbee
(But how 'bout a stick?)
You could give me a cocktail
(But how 'bout a stick?)
You could get me a doctor
But all I really need is
A stick
Doing that thing you don't want to do but you gotta do it
mopping the floor
closing a door
quitting a job
meeting your mob
baking a pie
asking em why
starting a band
holding a hand
why don't you just take your medicine?
Everybody needs one
Dancing under the sun
(all the) colour and the kindness
(a) human of the finest
https://urpalsal.com.au/
O I love you the way you paint the rain
Pay attention to every drop
O I love you the way you say
A universe in every dot
Careful line and nested worlds
Circled souls and life unfurled
O I love you the way you paint the rain
Careful love for every drop
I don't know where I'm going
I barely know where I've been
I don't know what I've been thinking
I don't know how I locked us in
But I do know this...
Wherever I be going
Ima going with you
Whatever I be doing
Ima doing it next to you
I don't know much but I do know this
I gotta friend who's in my heart
Everywhere I go they go with me
I gotta friend who when I start
To freak out they hug me tightly
I gotta friend who always knows
When to stay and when to go
I gotta friend who shares their lego
Even though they love their lego
I don't often write performance poetry: it is different to songs: harder in some ways. This is my first. The birds are in Nymboida National park: you can hear bellbirds and parrots, the yellow tailed black cockatoo and I think even a pair of wedge-tailed eagles. Recorded on the Zoom 6 with the double mics. Some call me stubbornbut I just know my own mindI don’t have the same startOr or the same finish lineAs my bothers and sisterstheir rhythm be different to mineMy timeis slower than some andfaster than othersthough our flame is made of the same stuffI’ve had enough of this comparative competitive repetitive fisticuffs I celebrate you andI commiserate your lossesI’ll wave my hands in the air when you beat your Big Bosses andI refuse to useJealousy or bitterness cozThe difference between us has seen usdivided when it can redeem us leave usconnected with prideour stride is widertogether I cannot pretend that I am any betterthan anyone else upon this earthmy worthis determinedby the evidencethat I be.You be. We be. I be stubbornCoz I know my own mindYou can’t tell me what to do where to go or how to findthat which I seek the words I speakmay be borrowed or re-used I hope not abusedI don't own the air which I set to vibrateBut I do careAbout the ripples that I make And so, I am learning to listenFor when my expression transmissionbecomes a transgressionupon the weary hearts of others whose mothers, or mother's mothers, or mother's mother's mothersbore the brunt of some kind of warFeel the weight that holds them underWhile my fateof birth, colour and cultureallows me to floaton a pretty boatnot unlike The Endeavor Unless I put my ear to the surfaceI wont hear the silence of longtime injusticeI won't know I have power and privilegeI could lend to mend, I could share to care, could donateto help heal this messof inheritance that my sleepy ignorance I perpetuatesFor in my stubbornness I seek peaceand in my peacemaking I make enemies And they call me stubborn to make me smallbut they just don't get the concept responsibility of connected autonomy See they call me stubbornButI call it Free. And in paraphrased epiphany quoting Professor Toni Morrison,If you are freeyour only job is to help someone else find their freedomGo.
Rehearsal notes 2018 (J accompanying) This song is based on a true story.This recording is one of a rehearsal with JK for a show in 2018. There is something so lovely about the harmonies and two guitars, as loose as it is, probably never to be repeated the same way again. A story of hope, childhood and plastic. I live on a boatmum and dad live on the same boatEverywhere we goOur home goes There's not a lot of space onA boat that's built for threeBut where the Sky meets the SeaThere's more than we need Tucked up tightFeet below the bowRocked asleep By the waves There There There There I live on a boatmum and dad live on the same boatEverywhere we goOur home goes One night a big storm came throughWe batten down the hatchesThrough the tiny window I watchOcean splash and lightening flashes Tucked up tightFeet below the bowTold to go to sleep Ignore the waves You're safe safe there there I'm shaken awake told toput your lifejacket onIt's time to swim to shoreyou don't have to worryBut hurry up darlingWe have to go now cozOur boatIt's sinkingSinking holding handsWe jump into the waterI oughta be more scared butI know mum and dad are therethere there there Easy does it slow and steadyWe will get there when we're readyWhen you're tired just lean backWe'll hold your head Look how close we are now darlingThe sun in coming up up you've been soBrave you are so good at swimmingWe are almost therethere there feel the sandrub between our fingersRoll together on dry landsafe safe Used to live on a boatmum and dad used to live on the same boatEverywhere we wentour home would follow We walk along the salty shoreOur boat lies on the ocean floorEverything I've ever known isgone. Tucked up tightFeet below the bowhow will I ever sleep without the waves?there there Look over there what's that says dadall up the beach washed up on the sandBends down to the water and holds up his handRed Yellow and BlueDo these belong to you???? All we need is the three of usand a bag of shipwreckedlego my lego my lego. Used to live on a boatmum and dad used to live on the same boatbut everywhere you goyour home goes.
PS at the the end of the story, the adult storyteller got up and ran to his cupboard: and brought back a bag of lego: the only thing left from his childhood. I guess in 45,000 years it'll still be here ;)
Song from LookUpLookUp 2019 Melissa Main Oh southern crossI seek youin the skies above my headwhen I’m looking for home on my feet I roambut I know when I see you I’m as close as I’m ever gonna get Oh southern crossyou lie next to The emu in the skyI can’t see you throughthe hazy city lightsall the Bogong moths are lostthere’s a silence in our storiesa secret holocaust Tattooedupon the skinof angry white menshouting things in the nameof a constellationwe want it back We all belong to the sky Oh Southern Crossyou are a gum treewith 2 noisy cockatooschasing you foreveryou’re a stingray and a shark, you’re a wedge-tailed eagle’s footyou’re the eyes of mirabookalooking at us in the dark so many thingsyou are scrawled upon the skinof angry white menshouting things in the nameof a constellationwe want it backWe allbelongto the sky
Song from LookUpLookUp 2019 Melissa Main Image: gouache and penSometimes when things are hard, we find friends in the skies. Oh yellowtailed blackcockatoobe yellinglookup lookupthat rain be coming let it wash your face cleandon’t be wasting all your dayscrying But Oh yellowtailed blackcockatoomy neck is so sorefrom holdingmy sorry head upThink I’ll just stay here lying dyingin my mangy wombat hole Everything takes the time that it takesEvery fuckuptakes a whileto die downeverything takesthe times that it takesevery push upbegins with a good lie downa good lie down oh yellow tailed black cockatoobe singinglookup lookupthat change be cominglet it lighten your heartdon’t be wishing awaythe daylight oh yellow tailed black cockatoomy chest is so sorefrom holding my hope togetherbetter I lie face down in the suntil I’m a cakethough I burn everything I bakeI burn everything I bake Everything takes the time that it takesEvery fuckuptakes a whileto die down everything takesthe time that it takesyou know every push upbegins with a good lie downa good lie down LookupLookup
Song from LookUpLookUp 2019 Melissa Main A song of the sadness and madness of deepening my understanding of Australian colonisation and where we're at with that. The mist on the flat landsin the moonlight, make a blanketnever mine, or thinethough the for sale signs deny it how do you live with sadness?How do you do it?How do you live with sadness?How do you, how do you do it? I drive on clandestine roadsthe truth is colonisedThere’s a haphazard man in rubbish bag vestHe runs it, the gauntlet, at midnightI swerve How do you live with madness?How do you, how do you do it?How do you live with madness?How do you, how do you do it? Tea swirlsanti-clockwise to your mouthyour eyes shineWhile gently you laughyou sayhow do you live with sadness?The answer, my loveis with practiceThe answer, my loveis with practicewith practicewith practice I drive on clandestine roadsI turn leftmore than right.
Song from LookUpLookUp by Melissa Main 2019Recorded with Zoom 6 and condenser mic in single takeBoliviano guitarArmidale, NSWImage: aquatint etching There’s something vastin the spell betweenpresent and pastIn the quiet thereis a beast with velvet furand a rumbling chest [it’s best if you] Only cry underwater In the space between breathsthe depth of great griefcan be expressedwith no pointed or fuzzy social consequenceno howareyoutheretheresisthereanythingIcan do oh [it’s best if you] Only cry underwaterOnly cry underwater There’s something vastin the spell betweenpresent and pastIn the quiet thereis a beast with velvet furand a rumbling chest [it’s best if you] Only cry underwater