TCK Care: Recent Episodes
Stephen Black
Soul food for global nomads, where we share stories and strategies that support whole soul living for Third Culture Kids. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tck-care/support
Life gives you a lot to handle, often at the same time. What do you focus on first? Here's one model for setting priorities, especially in a time of crisis.
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Adjustment takes time. It takes patience, and flexibility, and so many things. TCK's are professional adapters, but let's not forget that it can be beneficial to rehearse the basics if you want to pursue excellence. So let's talk about the basics of what it takes to adjust.
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Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talks about what happens when people tell and listen to a single story. I believe that Third Culture Kids are prone to tell single stories, especially about themselves. But that doesn't have to be true. Let's talk about what it would take to tell your whole story.
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What makes third culture kids inclined to view the world so differently? How can we use our vantage point to make the world a better place? And what exactly is the legacy we're going to strive for? Let's talk about it.
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Why might TCK's have difficulty getting in touch with their feelings? How might that impact relationships? And what's to be done about it? Let's talk about emotional availability.
Here's an excellent article on emotional availability that I reference in the podcast.
Don't forget to listen to my interview with Micahel Pollock defining what it means to be a TCK.
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Is it just me, or does the process of transition have an inextricable connection with deep feelings? In this week's episode, I speak to the way that an outward experience can affect us on the inside, dramatically shaping our emotional reality. And I talk about how feelings are just feelings, and that there's nothing wrong with them.
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Inés joins me on the show to share her amazing story of travel, adventure, language, and connection. Inés and I talk about the nature of relationships in a transient state, and how language is more than just the words that we speak.
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Have you ever felt alien? Do your memories appear strange to you, as if you may come from another world, or another time? Today I'm going to talk about what it's like to carry the memories from the Third Culture, memories of other worlds that we carry inside ourselves.
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This goes out to the TCK's who have lived the life, done the work, and are in a good place. Let's take a second to celebrate the fact that life can be good and that #youvegotthis!
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Third Culture Kids are highly adept at managing change. But what about when change ends and things remain the same? How does someone who's used to change handle the new normal?
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Have you ever been told to put on your own oxygen mask first? I talk about the oxygen mask analogy and give TCK's with care-taking personalities a couple of thoughts on what exactly that means.
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Vygotsky's zone of proximal development meets the TCK aptitude for learning. I draw implications from the zone of proximal development for improving your ability to learn and grow as a person.
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I received a letter that addresses TCK's lack of social cultural role models in certain situations. Role models often provide an important aspect of learning as we find ourselves in a cultural context.
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"Wherever you go, there you are." In this episode, Darci Nealeigh talks about the state of self compassion. She identifies early on how crucial this practice is given the current health pandemic where we are often stuck with nothing but ourselves. We talk about trust, inner dialogue, and give several analogies and exercises for being compassionate to yourself.
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The world has never been as small as it is with social media. And accessing information has never been so easy. Connecting with loved ones with images and messages from our lives feels amazing. But what is the cost? Addictions counselor Rhys Pasimio joins me on the show once again to talk about how social media affects our lives and relationships.
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"What is the hardest part of being a TCK?" I read a letter written by a TCK from Africa who is raising his children in Asia. Identity, belonging, friendship, and parenting play prominent roles in this week's conversation on what it means to be a TCK.
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What is the status quo for a TCK? How does a person sustain a state of balance with high stress levels? What do you do when mobility is normal? Just a few thoughts on equilibrium in a mobile, multicultural life.
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Stability can be the source of much ambivalence for TCK's--something to wrestle with and long for at the same time. Jon Walthour from TCK Tales and I continue the conversation about what it's like to increase a sense of stability in context. Setting anachor.
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Two TCK's (Jon Walthour from TCK Tales and myself) talk about the journey of setting anchor in the middle of a mobile life. We talk about the different kinds of anchors that hold people in place, factors that support stability, and what it's like to pick up (or cut off) those anchors and move on. Real talk with TCK podcasters.
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I wanted to speak to the TCK's who face our current health crisis, emphasizing strengths that TCK's might bring to the current situation. I hope this encourages you and finds you well.
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Lauren Wells, who came on the show last year to talk about processing grief, wrote Raising Healthy TCK's. Lauren shares with us the four basic components of raising healthy TCK's as explained in her upcoming book.
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How helpful is the label "TCK"? Or any label, for that matter? What is the danger in using a label as you introduce yourself? In this episode I interact with Stephanie Boon's article Identity Theft of Third Culture Kidsto talk about the place of labels in the TCK community.
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Author Christina Hoag shares the story of her international heritage and upbringing and her global quest. Christina has amazing stories
You can learn more about Christina and her writing on her website. Be sure to check out Girl on the Brink and Skin of Tattoos on Amazon!
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Julia's global, multicultural upbringing uniquely enables her to connect with expatriates on an empathetic level. Julia decided to use her aptitude for connection combined with her appreciation for global mobility to begin a career in expat coaching and consulting. In this episode, Julia tells her own story and extrapolates on the difference between change and transition, breaking down the transition framework created by William Bridges. For more information about Julia, visit her website, Yellow Wood Coaching, read her blog, or follow her on Facebook or Linkedin.
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"How I see my TCK work is all about building bridges between people" says Tanya Crossman, author of the book Misunderstood. Tanya has spent years caring for TCK's, interviewing TCK's, and working with TCK families. She speaks into the need for giving TCK's permission to fail. To learn more about Tanya, check out her Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.
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Expat coach, consultant, writer, podcaster with a background in occupational psychology, Louise Wiles speaks from her firsthand experience traveling the world as well as raising TCK's to address the end goal of the drive to see the world. Louise covers the basics of what it takes to thrive abroad. Be sure to check out Louise' website, check out her book, Thriving Abroad, her own podcast, and the resource she mentions Families in Global Transition.
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Artist, musician, and producer DC Collard shares the story of his upbringing in Malaysia and London. DC speaks to the role of music in processing the challenges of his globally mobile life and focusing on the benefits from his TCK experience. To learn more about DC and his music, and for more information about his TCK themed album, click here.
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Alyssa starts her story by talking about being from here now, which I believe is an excellent summary of the sense of ongoing transience that many TCK’s claim. Alyssa shares the positive and challenging aspects of her journey, framing it all in the lens of continual growth and increasing awareness for an uplifting TCK story.
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Elizabeth Liang tells the story of creating the solo show Alien Citizen, which is the story of her international upbringing. Elizabeth talks about the process of finding her story, telling the hard truths, and the liberty that brings.
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TCK Judith Kooyman talks about what growing up in Thailand has meant for her, how her international experiences have contributed to the formation of identity, and the importance of staying actively involved no matter where you live.
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MK Care Coordinator Heidi Tunberg and I talk about one of the most important parts of cultural adaptation: rejection. What does it mean for the TCK to reject culture? How do you know what parts of the culture you want to accept and reject, and what are the consequences going to be? We also take a serious look at values in the Third Culture and weigh their merits.
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Kate Berger, therapist and founder of the Expat Kid’s Club in Amsterdam, talks about what it means for parents to have empathy first for themselves, then for their children, and how empathy supports healthy development. A healthy sense of empathy is especially valuable for TCK’s growing up in a highly mobile (which can mean highly stressful!) lifestyle.
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Ben Pankow shares from his experience growing up in Cameroon and talks about how having a long term perspective fortifies the TCK to get through the hard times.
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TCK/MK/therapist/author Tim Sanford, author of I Have To Be Perfect joins us on TCK Care (the Podcast!) to talk about the records that we play in our minds that tell us holy heresies — things like, “I have to be perfect”, “I should already know”, “Other people’s needs are more important than my own”, etc. Tim talks about where these heresies come from, why they’re attractive, and how to begin to dispel them.
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Caleb Cox, TCK and performer and producer of Going to be Gone shares the story of growing up overseas and how his adaptation skills have guided him in his work. In this episode we talk about navigating goodbyes and Caleb performs Going to be Gone…and it’s amazing.
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Wait no more! TCK and math whiz Jane Heinze created The Official Origins Algorithm to answer the dreaded question, “Where are you from?” Jane has graciously offered to share her algorithm with the world, so reach out to me on tckcare.com/connect to receive your free blank copy of The Official Origins Algorithm!
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Eric shares how his childhood move to the Philippines was influenced by his parents proactively instilling excitement for the work they would do overseas. Furthermore, Eric had the unique experience of having a minority worldview at an international Christian school. Please reach out to me on TCKCare.com if you would like to hear more about Eric's story and how you can be involved in supporting his current career in missions.
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“The world could not be more complicated” says Megan Norton, TCK and co-founder of Intercultural Transitions. Megan talks about how the field of TCK care is growing to meet the complexity of the TCK experience and gives advice to TCK care personnel for maximizing their potential.
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TCK Daniel Black speculates on the state of migration that is second nature to many a global nomad. The drive to pursue novelty and excitement can be both empowering and costly. Daniel shares from his own experiences and gives a word of encouragement to managing and changing those patterns of behavior.
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Directors of Member Care Steve and Debra Rowe share the story of losing their son while serving in Brasil. They describe the process of grieving David's passing and give tribute to the legacy of love that David left on the world.
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“I wasn’t aware that I was a chameleon until it started hurting.” For someone who has spent his whole life adapting, Nelson has developed profound insight into how he uses his adaptation as a relational skill. Nelson speaks to the importance of self-awareness for maintaining well-being and shares his own journey of increasing awareness and identity.
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TCK Linda Kelley shares the story of losing an orphan in Papua New Guinea. She shares the beauty of her childhood and her aptitude for languages as well as the deep sadness of feeling alone in her experiences. She shares how her relationship with Jesus has facilitated healing and continued insight into her experience. She gives timeless advice to families to promote an atmosphere of vulnerability and transparency, sticking together through fear and pain.
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What is a transition seminar, and who benefits from one? Joining me on the show are three people who care deeply for TCK’s and are invested in helping TCK’s make a smooth cultural transition from living overseas to living in North America. We cover what a transition seminar is, what TCK’s can expect to take away from this experience, and of course, share a lot of personal anecdotes along the way.
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“The healthiest people make the healthiest parents” says TCK and LPC Risa Hobson (cool credentials, right?). She goes on to share advice for families starting out on their international journeys as well as examples of how to navigate transitions well.
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Anastasia shares a struggle that may resonate with many TCK’s — feeling empathy for people and yet being separated from them by the barriers of race, socioeconomic status, politics, or whatever the case may be. And on the other end, perfectly blending in to a group of people that internally you feel disconnected from. Anastasia talks about where her struggle comes from, and gives encouragement to others who may also be in the process of deconstructing the life they thought they knew.
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Linda Stollfus shares her story of growing up in west Africa and how her TCK experience has served her as a Clinical Social Worker. Linda shares some positive memories of what serving overseas meant to her family, and gives solid advice to other families serving or planning on serving overseas. I love that Linda’s advice comes from a positive upbringing of her own as well as years of experience helping families in a clinical setting.
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While listening to Beth tell her story, I was shocked to hear that her family experienced two consecutive evacuations in a short span of time. Evacuations are not uncommon to many a TCK, so we delved into what that experience meant for her, what it was like in the moment, and how she has healed and grown since then.
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As former missionaries and parents of four TCK’s with experience serving overseas as well as in missions administration, my parents come on the show to talk about how they advocated for their family as they raised their children overseas. I get to explore some of my own story as we discuss the challenges that faced our family, and the things TCK parents have done to support their children.
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David Johnson shares his perspective of VIP syndrome — of both feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and having a unique perspective of your surroundings inspired by broadened horizons. A lively sense of humor and a lot of insight make this a particularly fun episode.
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Waciwi calls it like it is. She shares her story with courageous transparency and honesty and challenges the culture and religion that shaped her developmental years. She speaks with passion and vulnerability on religion, politics, and sexuality, making a powerful and emotional interview.
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Tabi Eckert shares a vivid depiction of her early years in Niger, and discusses the family, social, and spiritual dynamics that have shaped her journey. She has a profound way of looking at her own story, as in an ongoing process of interpretation. With that, her story is insightful, relatable, and moving.
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Christine, the author of The Means that Make Us Strangers, shares the personal story that compels her writing process as well as content (and as a plus, she shares a sample of her book!). This is a great example of how growing up among worlds can create in a person unique gifts, abilities, and perspective, all of which Christine brings to her creative work. Be sure to check out christinekindberg.com, or you can find Christine on Instagram (@Christine.Kindberg), Twitter (@ChristineKndbrg), or Facebook (Christine.Kindberg.Author).
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Today we continue the discussion of addictive patterns of behavior with Rhys Pasimio. We will be talking about what addictions are and how to heal from addictive behavior. If you feel like you would like to talk more about addiction, whether it’s to gain a better understanding of this issue or for personal growth, feel free to reach out to Rhys on his website, www.newpatterncounseling.com.
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Rhys Pasimio from New Pattern Counseling joins me to talk about the overlap between addictions and TCK’s. In this episode we focus on gaining an understanding of what addictions are and how they work, which will set us up to talk about how healing happens in the next episode. To get in touch with Rhys, check out his website at www.newpatterncounseling.com.
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CEO and Founder of Kaleidoscope joins me to talk about how TCK's are naturally predisposed to act as bridge builders between people, to create points of connection over the impassable terrain of differences that can divide us. Jessi points to some of the challenges of the classic TCK experience to show how even those moments can be turned into assets.
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As Jen discusses her book Keeping Place: Reflections on the Meaning of Home, she talks about the desire for home and the responsibility to create a sense of home for others. “It’s not just about the object of desire — it’s not just about whether or not the desire is good or bad — but whether or not the desire is rightly ordered.”
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Harmony talks about the internal journey she experienced while adapting to life in the States, which is a journey that takes different forms for different people, and is a process that all TCK’s experience at one time or another. You may be surprised to hear what it was that brought Harmony to a place of embracing her life in the States.
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Miriam talks about how relationships come and go, contributing to the best and hardest parts of growing up in a mobile, multicultural context. Empathy, a broadened worldview, and exceptional interpersonal skills are some of the assets that TCK’s acquire through relationships. And yet relational loss is one of the greatest challenges and sources of grief.
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After taking four children to Nigeria and watching them grow to adulthood, Bill Kieslehorst shares about the struggles of being a TCK’s father, and some of the wisdom that he’s picked up along the way. Bill talks about the struggles, strength, and courage of his children, and how the hard times have enriched their character. Finally, Bill gives advice to families considering serving internationally as well as to families enduring the process of reentry.
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Jeanne Harrison talks about her experience of returning to America after growing up overseas and shares advice for TCK care personnel and parents. Jeanne has a high awareness for issues common to TCK's and emphasizes the power of empathy in processing the TCK experience. Check out her book Hiding in the Hallway on your favorite online bookstore, or through the publisher's website at newhopepublishers.com.
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In this week's episode we hear from Dani who spent the first years of her life with her family traveling the world on a ship. Dani reflects on her experiences, especially the sense of community that she felt as a child and the difficulty in relating your backstory to others. Check out Dani's blog Tertiary (where I was recently featured!) and leave a comment to let me know what you think of this week's episode.
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Tita Rannabargar explains the importance of lasting relationships in the life of a TCK. Everyone benefits from reliable, consistent, loving relationships in their lives. How much more important might that be for a TCK who grows up traveling the world? Tita describes attachment patterns and describes what to expect from healthy attachment, and then what to look out for in unhealthy attachment.
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In this episode Jon Walthour, creator and host of the podcast TCK Tales, tells the story of moving from Nigeria to Ohio, and relates how his TCK experience has shaped the trajectory of his career path. In telling his story, Jon incorporates the humor inherent in living among worlds, the sadness that naturally accompanies loss, and the resilience exhibited by many a TCK. Particularly meaningful is Jon’s recounting of the discovering a sense of home.
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Taking a detour from my regular schedule, the founder and president of of Just Moved Ministry joins me for a Mother’s Day special to discuss one of the most important aspects of TCK care…TCK’s mothers. As Susan aptly mentions, the first step in caring for your children is caring for yourself. And so to honor the mothers of TCK’s everywhere Susan gives expert advice on recognizing the warning signs of burnout, offers steps to take to increase balance in life and maintain a positive outlook, and offers resources to help mothers in transition find encouragement and support. For the resources Susan mentioned in the episode go to justmoved.org or go to the podcast link on TCKCare.com for a list of links.
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Cultural Trainer and TCK Program Director of Culture Bound — an organization that specializes in providing language and culture training — and author of the blog TCK Training joins us in this week’s episode of TCK Care discussing the grieving process. Lauren discusses the value of setting an example in healthy grieving and gives specific strategies for processing grief both privately and publicly. Lauren is a skilled trainer whose work is influenced by both professional practice and personal experience.
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Omega spent much of her childhood with her siblings living continents apart. She joins us on the podcast to talk about her experience and share what it’s like to know your family from a distance. Omega shares the pain of living apart from loved ones as well as the hope that in time it gets easier to live with the empty space of their absence.
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“You’re an American, but you don’t know how to be an American. And you are different but it doesn’t matter what culture you go to around the world, you’re different. But you seem to be able to handle that difference better than you handle the difference when you’re in the States.” In this episode Mary Larson talks about why repatriation and reentry is so hard for so many TCK’s and gives practical advice to parents and TCK care personnel for building up towards a positive repatriation experience. To get in touch with Mary or to read her paper, please contact TCK Care (the Podcast) on TCKCare.com.
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“Ahora bien, la fe es la certeza de lo que se espera, la convicción de lo que no se ve.” (Hebreos 11:1). This week we hear the story of TCK, missionary, and pastor Gabe Meiers. Gabe shares his personal journey of faith and discusses the nature of faith and the importance of addressing existential questions with courage and honesty from a young age.
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Life requires balance. Boundaries are no exception. On the one extreme, unhealthy boundaries may mean that anyone has access to the deepest aspects of your soul and can cause irreparable harm. On the other hand, boundaries may be built so high and thick that no one is allowed into your life and you risk letting your heart grow cold. Joining me on the show is TCK teacher Luke Bostrom to talk about how TCK’s might start building healthy boundaries.
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“There is power in being heard” says Hannah Matthews, this week’s guest on TCK Care. Hannah shares how she has been able to poetically process her experience, and how art has brought TCK's together in community on her website, CultureMiks.com (where you can listen to the spoken word that Hannah shares in the interview).
How have you processed your international experience? Have you shared your story through art? Have you had a chance to speak with other TCK’s? Have you experienced a sense of community in sharing similar experiences, or have you felt alone in your TCK experience? To share your story or join in the discussion, leave a comment in the episode link or reach out through the contact page on TCKCare.com
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One of the questions I like to ask on the podcast is, “Where are you from?” It’s just good fun to let TCK’s grapple with that question, knowing that I completely understand what makes that question so hard. A backstory is so complex and layered that answering that question in particular can be incredibly difficult until you’ve done it a million times. Today Donna Messenger is going to give simple, practical advice on how to tell your story so that people listen.
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What is it like to spend high school living in a dorm? Today we hear from a young lady who shares some of the ups and downs of dorm life and how her experience as a TCK has shaped her relationships with others, especially with her family. Whether you’re a TCK Care provider, you have TCK’s in your family, or you are a TCK, I hope this episode gives you more opportunity to share with the TCK community regarding this particular aspect of a somewhat common TCK experience.
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Everybody needs people, and TCK’s are no exception. Growing up on the go can make this especially challenging as community tends to flux. TCK Care provider Michele Phoenix is actively supporting TCK’s and providing solutions to improve the quality of community available to TCK’s in transition. For links to the resources mentioned in the podcast, go to TCKCare.com and see the notes on the "Harbor" episode.
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Taking a gap year can work wonders for dealing with challenging adjustments
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Caring for TCK's when the family does ministry together.
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I am not a TCK. I am more than the sum of my experiences.
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