LIKING the people you LOVE: Recent Episodes
Christi Davis
Today's episode is short and sweet.
I'm sharing how I chose to use the sabbath as a day of rest last week.
Because maybe you could use a rest too.
Matthew 11:28-30
Today we're talking about the difference between discipline and punishment.
One is intended to teach and train, the other is intended to control or to assert power.
This episode talks about what our real goal is as parents, and how to use consequences not as punishments, but as genuine opportunities to teach.
Click here to schedule a free consultation session.
Today is the continuation of the last week's episode.
We're talking about tips 4 and 5 from my ebook: Parenting Teengaers 101: a Guidebook for Parents.
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Let Your Teaching Strategies Evolve
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Be Their Biggest Fan
Today I'm sharing three parenting strategies I wish I had understood better when my oldest child entered the teen years.
- Don't freak out
- It's not about you
- Allow big emotions
These "tips" come from years of experience, both parenting my own teens, and coaching parents of teens.
You can find these same tips in my short ebook, "Parenting Teenagers 101: a guidebook for parents."
Or if you're looking for a little longer read, check out "The Power of a Faithful Mother: parenting in the latter days with a faith-filled mindset."
Today's episode was inspired by President Camille N. Johnson's talk in this last general conference, titled "Spiritually Whole in Him."
We're talking about how to feel spiritually whole, even when family relationships are difficult or strained.
Quote from Elder Ballard here.
Quote from Elder Renlund here.
Quote from Elder Gong here.
I know this is not a new idea. I'm sure you pray often for your children. But if you're anything like me, you might be praying for the wrong things sometimes.
Today I'm sharing four "prayer strategies" that have made a big difference in my life:
- Turn it over to the Lord
- Ask "what would you like me to do?"
- Seek and Expect Miracles ("Spiritual Momentum" by Russell M. Nelson, April 2022)
- Call on Angels ("The Ministry of Angels" by Jeffrey R. Holland, October 2008)
My thoughts today are inspired by Elder Patrick Kearon's talk from general conference last year, "God's Intent is to Bring You Home."
I'm talking about how to apply his phrase "relentless pursuit" to our parenting in a way that doesn't feel like nagging or controlling.
I have seven kids with really different personalities.
It's funny how people can be raised in the same home and come out so different from each other.
Something my kids all have in common though, is confidence. They are all incredibly brave.
They aren't afraid to try new things, and I am in awe of the things they are learning and doing!
While I'm not claiming to have "made them" that way, I do think there are some things I have done in my home to nurture confidence.
In this episode I'm sharing those things.
Today's episode is a repost of epsiode 51- way back in the day.
"Parental Leadership" is a term and a concept that I think about often.
When I'm feeling frustrated with the way my kids are behaving, it's helpful for me to step back and analyze my own leadership in the situation.
Then I can focus my energy on improving my leadership skills to create the result I want.
Today's episode is a repost of epsiode 51- way back in the day.
"Parental Leadership" is a term and a concept that I think about often.
When I'm feeling frustrated with the way my kids are behaving, it's helpful for me to step back and analyze my own leadership in the situation.
Then I can focus my energy on improving my leadership skills to create the result I want.
Parenting comes with a great deal of sacrifice.
Sometimes those sacrifices feel beautiful and holy.
But sometimes, when we feel like we don't have a choice in what we sacrifice, we end up feeling resentful..
We can even start to feel like a victim in our own lives.
Today we're talking about how to change that.
We'll discuss how to recognize when you're making yourself a victim, and what you can do instead.
This past weekend in General Conference, I heard the parable of the ten virgins referenced FIVE times!
It caught my attention, and has reminded me that NOW is the time to make sure my spiritual lamp is ready, filled with the oil of conversion.
But also... I realized that I am no longer a young virgin. HAHA!
What would this parable be like if it were about 10 matrons, or mothers in Israel?
Do I have a responsibility for more lamps than my own?
That's what I'm talking about in this episode.
Come join me.
Click here for your free ticket to Reconnect with Your Teen parenting summit.
Click here for my book "The Power of a Faithful Mother"
Usually we talk about parenting on here.
But sometimes, it's not your children making crazy choices, but your parents, or your spouse, or your sister.
Today I have a few tips for those who are struggling with the decisions of another adult that you love.
Go listen to this talk by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
Today's episode is just a reminder to zoom out a little and remember that, whatever hard thing you have going on right now, it won't last forever.
I'm sharing a couple of examples from my own family just in case you need to feel some hope!
Nothing is more frustrating as a parent than trying to get a teenager to do something they don't want to do!
Sometimes our efforts to help our teens even seem to backfire, and they push away from us.
In today's episode, I'm talking about what I think are some realistic and important goals for us to remember as parents.
"Seeing God's Family Through the Overview Lens," by Tamara W. Runia
Schedule your free consultation session here.
Today's episode is a short, sweet reminder that your efforts matter.
I'm sharing a little message that Heavenly Father has impressed on my heart, knowing that you can probably use the same reminder.
You may have heard the old saying "A mother is only as happy as her least happy child."
Today's episode is a direct rebuttal to that nonsense!
The level of joy you experience in your life does not depend on how well your children are or are not doing!
I have a few suggestions to help you find more joy in life even when your child is struggling.
I'm referencing the following talk from President Russell M. Nelson: Joy and Spiritual Survival (General Conference Oct. 2016)
Today's episode is an invitation for you to ponder something with me.
I'm talking about the worth of souls, and how to love more like God loves.
The book I talk about is "You Are Special" by Max Lucado.
Sometimes it feels like as mothers, there is always something or someone to worry about.
We may even think it is helpful and important for us to spend our energy worrying about the people we love.
In reality, allowing ourselves to get stuck in worry, fear, or anxiety is unually counterproductive.
In today's episode I'll explain why that is, and what we can do instead.
I have long been drawn to the phrase "an eye of faith" found in the Book of Mormon.
What does it mean?
And how can we apply it to parenting?
In this episode we're talking about why and how we can learn to see our loved ones with an eye of faith.
*The podcast I mentioned is Come Back Podcast.
It's my belief that one of the most precious gifts you can give to your children is a happy, healthy, thriving mother.
Today's episode is a friendly reminder that your needs matter, and that everyone benefits when you take good care of yourself!
And also... this is my 200th episode! Can you believe it?
To help me celebrate, I would love for you to leave me a review, and/or send your favorite episode to someone you think would love it too.
Today's episode is packed with tools you can use for better communication with the people you love.
I'm talking about the tools mentioned in the best-selling book "Crucial Conversations" by Grenny, Patterson, McMillan, Switzler and Gregory.
I highly recommend the whole book!
The tools I'm touching on today are:
1.Learn to Look
2.Make it Safe
3.State My Path
4.Explore Others' Paths
5.Take Back Your Pen
If you'd like to listen to some other episodes I've done on this topic, I have quick links for you:
Communication with Teengaers
Leading with Validation
Talking Back
Today I'm sharing with you a tool that has been helpful in my life lately: finding the holy purpose.
I've learned that I can do really hard things as long as I can see that it serves a holy purpose in my life.
I hope this tool will be a useful one for you!
"Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become." -Brooke Hampton
I believe in this principle! I believe the words we speak to our children are powerful!
I also believe the words we speak to ourselves are powerful.
Here is a link for the talk by Elder Rasband.
And here is a link to my book: "The Power of a Faithful Mother"
Did you know that the way you are telling the story of 2024 may impact your experience of 2025?
Most of us don't realize that the way we choose to tell the story of the past has a big impact on how we live in the future.
Tune in today to learn how and why you should be more intentional in the way you think about your past.
If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a perfectionist.
I don't believe that the common definitions of "perfect" are supposed to apply to humans at all.
Today I'm going to introduce you to the definition of perfect that I use. It's a definition that feels totally do-able, and keeps me feeling optimistic and moving forward.
The quote I share is from Orson Whitney, found on the Church of Jesus Christ website.
'Tis the season for peace. At least, 'tis the season we really crave peace, right?
With so much of the world in chaos, we want our homes and our hearts to be at peace.
Today I have some tips for you that will help you create the peace you are seeking, no matter what is going on around you.
Merry Christmas!
Today's episode is all about how to feel less frustration and more joy over the holidays when you have adult children in the mix.
I'm sharing three tips that have really helped in my home:
-Let traditions change
-Invite, but don't demand
-Communication!
The book I mentioned is The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath
In today's timely episode, we're talking about how to deal with tricky situations around the holidays.
We'll talk about healthy boundaries, and when and how to set them.
Today I'm answering a question from a listener. She's in a difficult situation, with an adult child who is angry about the way she was raised.
I thought it was a great topic to address because it's a common one.
Sometimes as our children are trying to make sense of their world, they decide that their parents are causing their unhappiness.
Today's episode will talk about why this happens and what we can do if it does.
Today I'm answering a question from a listener. She's in a difficult situation, with an adult child who is angry about the way she was raised.
I thought it was a great topic to address because it's a common one.
Sometimes as our children are trying to make sense of their world, they decide that their parents are causing their unhappiness.
Today's episode will talk about why this happens and what we can do if it does.
It's been said that worry doesn't take away tomorrow's troubles. It only robs us of today's peace.
The general consensus is that worry isn't useful, and that we shouldn't waste our mental energy worrying.
But to me that doesn't seem totally realistic.
When I care about someone, I want to spend some mental energy thinking about them, praying for them, and figuring out how I can best love and serve them.
So today we're going to talk about when our "worry" is unhealthy or unproductive, and how to redirect our thoughts to be more helpful and productive.
The youtube video that I talk about is here.
We are promised in the scriptures that miracles will follow them that believe.
If you feel like you could use a miracle or two in your life, this episode is for you.
Talk from President Nelson here.
Today's episode is a reminder that you get to choose where you focus your attention.
If you don't choose on purpose, your brain will likely choose the path of negativity.
I'm using examples from my own life to help you become more aware of what you're choosing, and to give you some other options.
This episode is not about what you think it is about.
It has nothing to do with what your body looks like on the outside.
It has everything to do with how you connect with Heaven.
Living in Revelation by Elder David A. Bednar
The title of this episode should probably come with a *wink, wink.
Listen, if I knew the secret to making our kids do exactly what we want them to do, I'd sell it and be a millionaire.
But that isn't really how it works, and it's not actually the plan.
We don't have the power to control other people. Even small people.
So asking how we can "fix" our kids' behaviors is not really the right question to be asking.
A better question is "Who do I want to be when my kid is behaving this way?"
Today's episode is inspired by President Russell M. Nelson's most recent general conference talk.
I also refer to his talk from 2016 entitled "Joy and Spiritual Survival."
It is a reminder that the best is yet to come for the world as a whole, and also for you personally!
Quote by Madeiline L'Engle:
"We do not draw people to Christ by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it."
Today's episdoe is intended to help you feel peaceful about your parenting efforts, even if your child has not mastered everything you have taught.
I have three things for you to keep in mind:
- Parenting is a work of planting seeds
- Waiting counts as work
- We have plenty of time
A Home Where the Spirit of the Lord Dwells by Henry B. Eyring
My old blog post here.
When life gets confusing or overwhelming, it's always good to go back to the basics, and make sure the most important things are taken care of first.
The same is true in parenting. When things get confusing or overwhelming and you don't know what to do, it may be time to take a break from all the correcting you're trying to do and go back to the basics.
How is your connection with that child? Is your relationship good enough that their heart is open to your help?
Today I'm sharing a few things that have been helpful for me in improving my relationships with kids in difficult stages.
Book I reference: The Power of Moments
Today I'm sharing a less-than-stellar parenting moment I had recently.
I'm also sharing the tool that I use to turn those moments into valuable, relationship building moments.
HOPE day tickets here
As covenant women and mothers in Zion, we have an important work to do.
And though our work can sometimes be exhausting and discouraging, we know that our efforts really matter.
Today I'm sharing three bits of advice to you as you evaluate how you are spending your time and energy.
- Don't judge your success by your children's behavior
- Don't believe the adversary when he tries to get you down
- Some efforts are more important than others
Links that I mentioned in the episode:
HOPE day Oct. 12, 2024
"The Power of a Faithful Mother" by Christi Davis
Today I'm talking about what I consider a perfect combination for teenagers to grow and thrive: doing hard things while having a close relationship with a parent who acts as a mentor.
If that isn't the kind of relationship you have, I'll offer you three tips to improve your connection:
- Have confidence in them
- Give less advice and ask more questions
- Be more fun!
Here are the links to ALL the things I mentioned in the episode:
HOPE day code: CHRISTI
Amplify Through Christ retreat
"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller
"Hold on to Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld
My website :)
Just hopping on to give you a quick update on what's going on in my life right now, and to explain why I'm taking August off of podcasting.
I also share an experience I had recently that was a reminder that Heavenly Father cares about the details of our lives.
If you're interested in either of the retreats I mentioned, here are the links to check them out:
Hope Day- Oct. 12th, Logan, UT
Amplify Through Christ- Oct. 24-26, Kansas City, MO
Just in case you have a large family gathering coming up...
Today I'm sharing a few tips to help you not just endure your reunions, but actually enjoy them.
Details about the HOPE DAY retreat here.
In honor of my 28th anniversary, today I'm sharing ten things I've learned about marriage.
I'm also sharing some reasons I love being married to Jeff.
My hope is that this episode will invite you to think about all the good things in your own marriage!
In honor of my 28th anniversary, today I'm sharing ten things I've learned about marriage.
I'm also sharing some reasons I love being married to Jeff.
My hope is that this episode will invite you to think about all the good things in your own marriage!
This is unusual for me.
I almost never feel the need to talk publicly about issues that feel political or contentious.
But today I feel inspired to share my thoughts about Pride month, and the way we think about LGBTQ issues.
I hope this episode will inspire more love and understanding in our family relationships, as well as our church community.
Here are the resources I mention in the episode:
Listen, Learn and Love by Richard Ostler
Without the Mask by Charlie Bird
When I suggest acceptance, sometimes clients think I mean that they should just give up and allow any and all behaviors.
That is not at all what I'm suggesting!
Listen in today to figure out why learning to accept our present reality is the first step toward creating the result you want.
If you want a review of "the Model," you can listen to episode 26.
Today I have a big announcement, and a sweet reminder for you.
The talk I reference was "Jesus Christ is the Strength of Parents" by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
Sometimes as parents I think we get it backwards.
We focus on changing our kids behaviors without really understanding their hearts.
Today's episode is a reminder that behavior is always an outward sign of something going on inside.
If we really want to influence our children, we need to get to the heart of the matter.
Faith Matters episode "Come as You Are."
This is a classic question in my house-used heavily when Caleb lived at home.
Today we're talking about learning to zoom out and ask ourselves "What is the Point?" It's a way to broaden our perspective and help us stay focused on the things that really matter.
The point of life is to gain experience that will help us grow in wisdom and become more like our Heavenly Father.
The point of parenting is to use our influence to point our children to Jesus Christ.
The point of family relationships is JOY.
Click here to purchase my online course "Love at Home."
Or if you would like to talk to me personally, click this link to set up a free consultation.
Today's episode is inspired by a talk I heard at BYU Women's Conference this year.
I'm talking about the power we have as mothers to speak possibility into the hearts of our children, and all those around us.
Quote from C.S. Lewis:
"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest, most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship."
This is the fourth episode in the series of interviewing my own kids.
Josh is 21 years old, and has been through a lot.
Heads up: we talk about some heavy things in this episode, including substance use and thoughts of suicide.
I'm just so proud of him for how far he's come, and for his courage to tell his story.
Heavenly Father has designed a wonderful plan that includes learning and growing by our own experience.
Part of that plan includes the natural process of maturing.
Just as we cannot force a plant to grow before it's ready, there are some things we cannot teach our children before they are mature enough to understand.
Sometimes we, in our enthusiasm to be good parents, feel the need to teach every little thing using a system of rewards and punishments.
But the truth is that, if we provide the right kind of environment, maturity happens quite naturally.
Link to my book is here.
It's no secret that being a mother is a demanding job.
But there is one thing that I've observed will get mothers feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and resentful faster than anything else: trying to control the wrong things.
In today's episode we'll identify some of the things that are not your job to control, and we'll talk about the one thing that is always yours to control.
That thing is, in fact, your most important job.
Link to my book here.
I find myself lately in a bit of a slump.
It's not the first, and I know it won't be the last.
So today's episode is kinda for you, but kinda for me.
I'm sharing some of my tried and true strategies for getting through a slump in as healthy of a way as possible.
Chances are, you're aware of some controversy surrounding the recent general Relief Society broadcast, and some things posted on the church's Instagram page.
For me, it has been a good catalyst for personal reflection.
How do I feel about these issues? What is my experience as a woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
How can I use these questions as an opportunity to deepen my faith?
This episode is my response to the controversy.
Some conference talks I reference in the episode:
Spiritual Treasures by Russell M. Nelson
A Plea to my Sisters by Russell M. Nelson
This is another one of those super fun (for me) episodes where I interview my kids.
Today you'll meet Savannah.
She is 24 years old, about to graduate from BYU, and is a single mom to 1 year old Marceline.
She is strong and courageous and compassionate. I look up to her so much!
I think you'll love this conversation with Savannah.
Did you realize that it's an option to not have an opinion about some things?
Not only is it possible, it's a really valuable skill to have!
Today we'll talk about when, why, and how to use "no opinion" as a tool to lower stress and improve relationships.
The scripture I chose for my mission plaque is still a favorite:
D&C 58:27-28 "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves."
If we want to truly be agents unto ourselves, if we want to really maiximize the gift of agency, then it is important that we know what we really want, and that we choose to do the things that will help us to get there.
It is equally important that we don't allow ourselves to get trapped in a mentality of victim-hood and resentment. We must take full responsibility for what we are choosing AND for the reasons behind what we choose.
I recently went to Hawaii with my family for vacation.
And guess what I learned?
Even in paradise, my family isn't perfect. HA!
There is no such thing as an ideal family, unless we change our definition of what that means.
Having my son Caleb on the podcast was so much fun, I have decided to bring on as many of my children as I can.
Today's conversation is with my oldest daughter Becca, who is just an incredible person.
We're talking about her memories of our home as she was growing up; about what worked and what didn't.
She has some pretty great insights.
Sometimes when life feels heavy, we WANT to turn our burdens over to the Lord, but we just don't know how.
I created this guided meditation as a tool to help you release some of the negative emotions that you may be carrying around.
If you hate meditating, you can just skip this one ;)
But for me, practicing meditation has been a game changer in learning to still my heart and my mind and connect with God in a whole new way.
Being a human has never been easy.
And with the world as chaotic and noisy as it is these days, it makes sense that sometimes life can feel overwhelming.
Thankfully, God has not left us alone.
Through His spirit and the words of His prophets, He has given us tools for thriving in these "latter days."
We know what to do when life feels heavy.
Here are the talks I reference in the episode:
"Joy and Spritual Survival" by Russell M. Nelson
"Happiness, Your Heritage" by Deiter F. Uchtdorf
"Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives" by Russell M. Nelson
Today we're talking about the gift of "interpretation of tongues," but not in the way you're probably thinking.
All of us hear peoples' words or observe their actions, and we make it mean something. If we leave our brains unsupervised, our interpretations can often be unhelpful.
Being intentional in how we interpret the words of others is a gift we can cultivate.
It's a skill that helps us develop charity and creates better relationships.
Moroni 7:45
Maybe it's my age, but I find it hard to remember things sometimes. Even really important things.
Apparently, Laman and Lemuel had the same problem.
We have been counseled many times in the scriptures to remember.
In today's episode, we're talking about why that is really important counsel for faithful parents.
Henry B. Eyring's talk here.
Sign up for a free ministering session here.
"Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be bent out of shape." -Anonymous
Today we're talking about the valuable skill of flexibility in parenting.
Why is it so important, and why is it so hard??
Also... go check out my new website HERE
I don't know if your kids are like mine, but when they become teenagers they hate all of my ideas.
If they know I want them to do something, they will often choose the exact opposite.
How, then, are we supposed to encourage them to set goals?
How do we help them progress if they tune out every suggestion?
I have 3 tips for you today that I think will help.
Sometimes the Christmas season gets to be so busy and so stressful that we forget to be still and spend time with the Savior.
This is a guided meditation I've posted here before.
It's one that I love to use every year at this time.
Think of it as my personal Christmas gift to you!
Life seems to be a lot about waiting.
We don't seem to have much of a choice about that.
What we DO have a choice about, is HOW we wait.
In today's episode I'm talking about learning to wait in a higher, holier way.
It's possible for waiting to be restful, or even joyful!
Here are some of the scriptures I mention in the episode:
Luke 21:19
Psalm 37:7
D&C 98:1-3
Jacob 5
D&C 133:45
This episode may be a bit of a pep talk to myself.
I KNOW that we are free to choose our mindset, but I'm currently having to work really hard to keep from getting stuck in stress and overwhelm.
Today I'm using some examples from my own life to model how to intentionally shift your mindset.
Sometimes the most important relationships in life are the hardest to get right.
Never is that reality more blatant than at the holiday season, where we spend lots of time with our extended families.
Today I have three tips for you that will make your time with family feel so much better.
The episode I mention about setting boundaries with adults can be found here.
Today we're talking about the magic that happens when we combine the emotions of gratitude and wonder.
"You will never be happier than you are grateful." Gary B. Sabin
Quote by Deiter F. Uchtdorf here.
Book a free consultation session with Christi here.
To continue our conversation about living joyfully, today's episode is all about charity.
See Moroni 7:44-48
To schedule a free consultation session, click here.
We can't possibly live joyfully without hope!
Today's episode is about hope as a commandment, a tool, a skill and a blessing.
Quote from Henry B. Eyring
"My promise to you is one that a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once made to me. I had said to him that because of choices some in our extended family had made, I doubted that we could be together in the world to come. He said, as well as I can remember, "You are worrying about the wrong problem. You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine."
Link to schedule a FREE consultation session with me.
This episode is the first in a mini-series about living joyfully.
We'll talk about JOY as:
- A commandment
- A tool
- A skill
- A blessing
I referenced so many good talks in the episode, but the one that you simply MUST re-read is from Russell M. Nelson "Joy and Spiritual Survival."
I have a special guest today!
Jill Freestone and I are talking about helping our kids (and ourselves) with anxiety and other big feelings.
As a life coach, Jill Freestone focuses on helping teens and adults handle anxiety and big emotions. Jill has additional training in anxiety, emotions, relationships, mindfulness, meditation, trauma, somatic processing and much more. She loves her work, but her happy place is in the outdoors. She is an avid hiker, biker, and outdoor adventurer. She is the mother of three amazing daughters and wife to an incredibly smart and handsome husband, whom she adores especially because he was willing to write this bio.
Website: https://jillfreestone.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jillfreestonecoaching/
5 Lies of Anxiety PDF to help you stop suffering from Anxiety:
https://jillfreestone.com/anxiety-five-lies/
Sadly, there are no magic words that will get our teenagers to agree with us and do everything we want them to.
But over the course of raising SIX teenagers (so far), I have found a few phrases that really feel like magic in how well they work to diffuse power struggles and improve communication.
I'll give you a quick bullet point list here. Listen to the episode to hear real life examples of when I use these phrases.
- That sounds hard. What are you going to do?
- I know I can't control you...
- Only you will know...
- You're right.
- Here's my opinion. You can take it or leave it.
I just loved Sister Tamara W. Runia's talk from last week's General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
She talked about the same things that I have felt so inspired to talk about here on the podcast, and also in my book and my Faithful Family Foundations classes.
In today's episode we're talking about what it looks like to "stay by the tree," and with smiles on our faces, beckon to those we love.
Sometimes, in our effort to be "intentional parents," we think we have to be in charge of everything.
We sometimes mistake nagging and controlling for teaching.
Today's episode is just a quick reminder that sometimes being intentional means knowing which things to let go.
Have you ever been stuck in what feels like a loop? Where your brain goes around and around and can't seem to give it a rest?
If you're human, the answer is probably yes.
Sometimes our brains think they are being really helpful by asking the same question or replaying the same scenario over and over.
We think we are trying to problem solve, when what we are really doing is ruminating.
Today we're talking about the difference between those two.
We'll talk about how to catch yourself when you're ruminating, and what to do to get yourself out of that loop.
Quote by Corrie Ten Boom: "There is no panic in heaven! God has no problems, only plans."
Wouldn't it be fun to live in a world where we loved everyone?
In today's episode I'm talking about three things that make it hard for us to love others in the way we want to.
If you want to go a little deeper on this topic, you may like to listen to episode 38.
For more information on The Sister Project, go to @thesisterproject.us on Instagram.
This is the most fun I've ever had recording an episode!
You've heard many stories about Caleb on this podcast. It felt only fair to let him tell his side of the story!
Today's episode is a bit of a book review.
I've been reading Good Inside, by Dr. Becky Kennedy.
I love the foundation of her work: the belief that all children, and all PEOPLE, are good inside.
I'm sharing just a couple of my favorite take-aways from this really great parenting book.
I learned something today about moving mountains.
Here are the scriptures I refer to in the episode:
2 Kings 6:17
Isaiah 2:3
Isaiah 56:7
Isaiah 57:13
Amos 4:13
From Romans 1:16 "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation unto every one that believeth."
Today's episode is meant to be a little pep talk about living and teaching the gospel with clarity.
Quote from Bonnie Oscarson here.
Quote from Russell M. Nelson here.
What do you do when you really want to do or say the right thing, but you don't know what that is?
Do you ever get paralyzed because you're so afraid of doing it wrong?
If you do, you're not alone!
In today's episode, I'm talking about a conversation I had recently with one of my clients.
I think her experience will be helpful for you!
To learn more about my Faithful Family Foundations class, go here.
Fill out the form to get all the details!
Julie Balkman is a certified life coach who works with LDS young adults. She helps them get out of the dating game and into a real relationship that lasts. She has interviewed 120 young adults about dating and is currently writing a book about this experience.
I personally have a bunch of young adults in my family, and who they date and marry is something that is on my mind often.
Julie's insights about what is on the minds and hearts of young adults was insightful.
We talk about what we can do as parents to prepare our kids for successful dating as young adults.
You can visit her website here.
We know it's important in these crazy times to stay grounded in truth.
Quote from President Nelson here.
But to really discern between truth and error, and to be able to evolve with the restoration, we also need to be open minded.
Quote from President Nelson here.
In this episode I offer some thoughts about why both are important, and how to balance two things that sometimes feel like opposites.
If you want more information about my Faithful Family Foundations course, fill out the form here.
This is a repost of a popular episode from September of 2022.
These are practical tools that you can use when your anxiety kicks in or your survival brain feels like it's overly active.
Quote from President Nelson is here.
Think about your first instinct when you feel a negative emotion. Do you shove it down or try to ignore it? Do you think about it nonstop to the point of wallowing in it?
We all have moments when we do those things.
But today, I'm here to tell you that emotional pain does not mean that something has gone wrong.
Part of being human is that we get to experience this wild ride of emotions-positive and negative. *Note that I'm not talking about mental illness, trauma response, or other circumstances that require the help of a professional. I'm talking about the normal ups and downs of life.
Believe it or not, clean emotional pain can help us grow and develop into the person we want to become. Pain only becomes a problem when we let our emotions take over our actions, or when allow ourselves to wallow in unhelpful, or "dirty" pain.
Today's episode will help you know the difference.
This is a re-airing of episode 35 from May of 2021.
My clients often want help knowing how to handle disrespectful behavior in their teenager.
One thing we know from the scriptures is that the way to have genuine power and influence in someone's life is not through coersion or power struggles. Proving we are stronger and trying to demand respect is not the same thing as teaching or earning genuine respect.
True respect and the right to be an influence in our childrens' lives is gained by "persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned." D&C 121:41
Quote from Elder Ronald A. Rasband: "Remember how the Savior handled tough questions...(and here we can substitute the word teenagers). He remained calm, He showed respect, and He taught truth, but He never forced anyone to live the way He taught."
This is a re-airing of a popular episode form 2020.
When is it acceptable to set boundaries with other adults in our lives?
And how do we make sure other people honor our boundaries? (That is actually a trick question!)
We'll answer both of those questions in today's episode.
Unselfishness sounds like the goal, right? It seems like what we should always be striving for.
While agree that it is important to give of ourselves and make sacrifices for the good of others, there is a healthy way and an unhealthy way to do this.
Today we're talking about how to give a good gift and about the importance of balancing unselfishness with taking care of ourselves.
In the most recent General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, President Russell M. Nelson taught us that, "One of the best ways we can honor the Savior is to become a peacemaker."
Today we're talking about what it means to be a peacemaker- AND what it doesn't mean.
We'll talk about some actionable steps we can take that will help us follow the counsel of our prophet.
The book I reference is The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Institute.
I'm so excited to share this episode with you!
I have long admired the work and the expertise of Dr. Finalyson-Fife. She is strengthening marriages by helping (mostly LDS) couples understand and improve their intimacy.
This episode was my chance to pick her brain and ask her all of my questions. I wanted to know how to prepare our kids for healthy intimacy in their future marriages. I want us to give them a better foundation than many of us were given.
We talk in this episode about how to approach some tricky topics, like modesty and masturbation, in a way that doesn't use fear or shame.
I wrote a book! This episode will give you a little sneak peek.
Here is the book summary:
As covenant women and mothers in the latter days, we have a holy work to do. Our prophet has invited us to create homes that are sancutaries of faith, Yet as the world rages around us and we see the adversary at work on our precious children, it's easy to become discouraged. We may wonder where we should focus our energy, or worry that our best efforts won't be enough.
That is exactly what our enemy wants. He wants the mothers in Zion to be discouraged and afraid. He doesn't want us to understand the extent of our influence. He doesn't want us to rise to our full potential!
"The Power of a Fatihful Mother" is an energizing reminder of our ability to make an impact in the lives of our children. Whether you are a new mother or a seasoned pro, this book is a must-read. Drawing on scriptures, modern prophets, and real-life stories of mothers who are "in the trenches," it will teach you how to access Godly power, and empower you to face the future with faith.
I think sometimes we are asking ourselves the wrong question as parents.
If we think about parenting as a system of rewards and punishments in an attempt to control behavior, we will be asking ourselves "What does my child deserve?"
But does our Heavenly Father give us what we deserve? Or does He give us what we need in order to become better?
I think it's the latter. (For more about this in a gospel context, go listen to Brooke Snow's podcast episode "Transactional Gospel vs. Unconditional Love."
In this episode we'll look at some real life parenting examples of what it looks like to ask the question "What is needed?"
Andee is a mom of 6, a reformed yeller, a best-selling author, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting: a breakthrough parenting framework that leverages connection as the primary mechanism for influencing children.
Her approach helps parents discover why their kids don't listen and shows them the step-by-step process of regaining influence and building relationships that will last a lifetime.
With hands-on experience raising her own children (ages 14-23) and over 10 years of experience in parenting coaching, Andee has helped over 10,000 parents learn the parenting methodology that gets their kids to WANT to listen.
Sometimes in our efforts to correct our kids' behavior, we accidentally slip into the habit of criticising and nagging.
The good news is that there is a better way! A way that strengthens the relationship, builds self-esteem, and is more fun for everyone involved.
Today I'm talking about the power of positivity in parenting our children. It's a reminder I need over and over, so I thought I'd share it with you.
"Catch your children doing something right, instead of something wrong. Remind them of their greatness on a daily basis." -Dr. Wayne Dyer
Here is the book I reference. It's a classic!
The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham
Do you ever feel like getting your teen to open up to you is like pulling teeth? Like they'd rather be ANYWHERE than hanging out with you?
First of all... you're not alone. Wanting to separate from their parents is a normal, healthy, stage of development for teens.
But that doesn't mean they don't need us, or that we want our relationship with them to disappear!
Today I'm talking about things we can do as parents to create a more inviting atmosphere for our teenagers to want to talk to us.
I'll give you three things you can do to improve conversations with your teens.
This episode is not going to tell you that the cute throw pillows you found at Target are not a need.
Today I'm talking about how we think about other people's behaviors.
There is a difference between wanting your child to make good choices, and needing them to make good choices.
One leads to happiness, the other to misery.
I don't consider myself an "expert" at very many things. But I have to say... I'm pretty good at this one!
Today I'm talking about some of the things that have worked really well for me in helping to raise confident teenagers and adults.
Here is the episode I did with Emily Jones.
And here is the website for Family Tech University
Today I'm just passing along a little love note I received from Heavenly Father.
The little things we do matter to Him. Even when we're having a bad day, or we make lots of mistakes. He still loves our efforts and He blesses us.
Elder Uchtdorf's talk here.
Joy D. Jones talk here.
"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Today's episode is all about creation. Specifically, we're talking about creating ourselves-becoming the people we want to be.
Using what we know about God's creation process, we'll talk about how to take the "matter unorganized" in our lives and use it to create something beautiful.
Does family scripture study sometimes feel like more of a battle than you'd like?
Do you struggle to keep your teens engaged?
This is the episode for you!
Kristen Walker Smith is a co-host of the One Minute Scripture Study podcast, a Deseret Book masterclass teacher, BYU Education Week speaker, EFY teacher, former seminary teacher and bestselling author. Kristen graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from BYU where she met her darling husband of almost 20 years; they are the parents of three wonderful, rascally children. When Kristen isn't teaching the gospel you can usually find her rock climbing, listening to Elder Holland talks, or eating peanut butter-frequently all at the same time.
Where does joy come from?
Many of us think it comes from things outside of us-- more free time, more helpful husbands or obedient children.
But the truth is that joy comes from inside of us.
It is a feeling, and feelings are always created by our thoughts.
In today's episode I'm sharing some of the things I've been believing about my life and myself lately that create a lot of joy for me.
My hope is that this episode will get you thinking about your own thoughts and beliefs.
Are they creating joy?
In today's episode, we're talking about the science of personality.
I'm using some of the things I learned from Dr. Joe Dispenza in his book "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself."
Maybe you want to be more optimistic. Maybe you want to show up differently in one of your relationships.
We'll talk about what makes us the way we are and how to change the things we want to change.
Angell is a wife, a mom of six, and is raising an ADHD warrior. She has a Bachelor's degree from BYU in Home and Family Living, is a certified Life Coach, and is a certified ADHD Parent Coach. She loves helping moms of ADHD warriors find peace in their home and connection with their kids.
Whether you have a kid with ADHD or not, I think you'll find Angell's story relatable.
Here is the link to the YouTube video with Dr. Russell Barkley.
Everyone these days is selling the "three easy steps" to something.
For a long time I believed that there was a formula that I could follow that would guarantee "success" in parenting.
I followed the formula pretty closely, but I didn't end up with the result I thought I would get.
The problem is that I was misunderstanding what success meant.
Today we're talking about what success in parenting really means, and how to know if we're doing it right.
As humans, we mirror each other.
We copy each others speech patterns, body languages, and even each others emotions.
There are some really great and useful things about this tendency!
But there are times when mirroring other peoples' emotions is not helpful at all.
Today we'll become more aware of when we're giving away our own agency by mirroring the emotions of those around us.
I'll give you my personal favorite strategy of what to do instead.
I'm delighted to have my friend Wendy Jones as my guest today.
She is a great example to me of the power that comes to us as we learn to recognize Satan's lies, and stop beleiving them.
She talks about how much better everything is when we take the Savior as our "navigator" and let Him direct our lives.
This episode will inspire and empower you.
Wendy Jones is a mother of four from Chandler, Arizona. She was raised in Sandy, Utah, and graduated from the University of Utah with a degree in Russian following her mission to Russia.
She loves to travel, spend time with her family, and use power tools and paint to transform a room. Currently, her passion is in teaching women the importance of connecting with other women, teaching them how to seek for revelation in their lives, and then teaching them the magic of power tools as they makeover a space in the home of a "sister" in need.
Her love of humanitarian work has motivated her to create The Sister Project. She is fulfilling her dream of bringing women together and teaching them the power that comes from teaming up with Christ.
Today's epidsode was created for all parents, but especially for those of you who have stubborn teenagers.
I mean... most teenagers challenge us to some degree by aserting their independence.
But there are those who take "independence" to a whole new level.
You know if I'm talking to you!
Quote from Elder Renlund comes from his General Conference address in October 2018 "Choose You This Day."
You are doing better than you think you are.
I promise this is true!
Not only is it true, but it's actually in your best interest to recoginze it and believe it.
Elder Jeffrey R Holland said "To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle- and all will- I say 'Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.'"
God often speaks to us with nudges.
He doesn't often lay out the whole path before us, but rather nudges us gently in the direction He wants us to go.
It is in learning to recognize and act on these nudges that we discover who we are and what our purpose in life is.
You're going to love Laura Gregory. She has been given some really difficult things in her life, and has learned to handle them with grace. She is an example of faith, hope, and unconditional love.
Laura is a happily married mother of seven amazing kids, and embraces all the struggles that come with joy. She has a bachelor's degree in crisis counseling and a master's degree in addiction couseling. She currently chooses to serve in the capacity of life coach. She is also the co-founder of The Sister Project.
Laura believes everyone is pretty, but whoever wins the last board game of the night is the prettiest. She values relationships above all things- with God, with family, and with her friends, which is everybody.
Richard Ostler, a former YSA bishop, speaks in church settings about how to fully embrace LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, see their gifts and contributions, and better understand their unique road. He is supportive of the church, leaaders and doctrine- and also how to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. He is the host of the Listen, Learn and Love podcast which provides a platform for Latter-day Saints to share their stories on many topics.
In addition to serving as a YSA bishop, Richard has served as a stake young men's president, high counselor, and ward mission leader. He currently serves as a temple worker. He has a BS from the University of Utah and an MBA from Brigham Young University, and is a small business owner. Richard and his wife Sheila live in Salt Lake City, Utah and have six wonderful children and several grandchildren.
I am so excited to introduce you to Emily Jones. She has a really great perspective on teenagers and their use of technology, and she's going to teach us how she teaches kids to make good decisions when it comes to smartphone use.
Emily is a writer, author, speaker and teacher. She likes wild outdoor adventures with her family, board fames, flower gardening, and peanut butter M&M's. She co-founded Family Tech University with her husband Dave; a unique movement with a paradigm-shifting perspective on powerful tech parenting. Her best wisdom on the subject comes from being the mother of 5 non-perfect, fiercely adored children.
This week starts the first in a series of episodes that I'm calling "Faith Over Fear." I have hand-picked some guests to address some of the topics that I think cause a lot of fear for parents of teenagers.
Today's guest is my dear friend Crystal. I think you'll love her!
Crystal Bowman is a licensed relationship therapist (MAS_LMFT). She helps people deepen their connection and find peace in their relationships with others and themselves. Crystal graduated from Arizona State University with a Bachelor's degree in Interpersonal Communications and a Masters degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. She is currently the Director of Development at Arizona Family Institue.
Crystal's favorite things to do are laughing and learning. Her best teachers in life have been her six children and her husband, who continue to laugh with her and at her. Prior to becoming a therapist, Crystal's life was filled with raising her children, being a foster mom, substitute teacher, running a dance program, and reading as much as possible.
Tis the season for fresh starts and New Year's Resolutions!
Today we're talking about three things (well... kinda four things) for you to keep in mind as your are setting goals for yourself.
Quote by Boyd K Packer here
Quote by James Clear here
We believe in being nice. We believe in making sacrifices and "putting off the natural man," in an effort to become holier people.
But sometimes in our quest to be kind and unselfish, we get confused.
We cross the line from healthy to unhealthy as we try to make other people happy at our own expense.
In today's episode we explore the difference between "people pleasing" and living the law of sacrifice.
Doctrine and Covenants 97:8
Mosiah 3:19
2 Corinthians 9:7
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As a mom, it's easy to feel overworked and underappreciated-especially at this time of year, when so much of the magic making falls to us!
If we're not careful, the busyness and expectations of the holidays can be exhausting and lead to burnout and resentment.
Today's episode is all about how to feel whatever you want to feel this holiday season. You get to choose it!
You can call me a re-gifter if you want.
Today I'm re-airing an episode from last year because I love it so much!
This is a guided meditation that I have done several times myself, and I've heard from listeners that it was a favorite for them too.
So get comfy, and join me for a meditation on the Light of the World.
Today's episode is a recording of a class I taught at the Williams Field Stake Relief Society conference.
Here is a link to the video, in case you'd like to watch it.
I'm sharing some of my personal story, and the unexpected things I have learned.
I know what they say.
They say that mom and dad should be on the same page when it comes to parenting strategies.
It sounds lovely.
But the reality for most of us is that we don't always see eye to eye with our spouses.
So what are we supposed to do?
Listen in to learn what NOT to do, and what TO DO instead when you disagree with your spouse about how to parent your teenager.
Sometimes it feels like we have two choices with our kids- either we have to be mean to get them to cooperate, or we have to be a push-over just to keep the peace.
The truth, of course, is that these are not the only two options.
Today we'll be talking about why providing a safe and solid structure is actually the most loving thing we can do.
We'll also discuss how to hold the important boundary lines from a place of love and compassion.
Quote by M. Russell Ballard, "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children."
We all, as human beings with complex emotions, have a basic need to feel validated.
But what about when your teenager comes to you with an attitude or idea that you don't agree with? We know we as parents probably shouldn't say yes and jump right in every time.
When we immediately jump into the conversation with things like accusation, annoyance, giving our own opinion immediately, etc. we are probably going to feel like the enemy.
But when we lead with love and validate our kids' feelings, it helps them feel heard, boosts their self confidence, and strengthens our connection with them.
I want to challenge you to start with validating. Find the thing you can agree on first.
And when we intentionally work on seeing where they are coming from, there's a chance they may do the same in return! Though it's definitely going to take some trial and error.
Join me for today's episode for some real life stories along with examples on things we can say to validate their feelings and put us on the same team.
Do you ever find yourself feeling completely exhausted physically and emotionally? What about feeling the need to escape your emotions by eating a lot or constantly being on social media? There's a good chance you could be experiencing "parenting burnout."
The good news is- there are things you can do to fix this. You don't have to stay stuck and you're not alone!
If you're feeling burnt out, first check in with yourself physically. Brooke snow teaches that the four physical fundamentals are eat, move, sleep, and breathe.
Next, check in emotionally. Again from Brooke Snow- the four emotional fundamentals are being present, being grateful, being prosperous, and being joyful.
Now here's the thing. Our fundamentals are completely in our control. Things like other peoples' emotions and decisions and what they think of us are not. The burnout happens, when we are focusing on those things that are out of control.
Tune in to today's episode to figure out how to remedy this and put a stop to the parenting burnout!
If you struggle with this, feel free to reach out for a free 30-minute consultation with me and we'll work on it!
2 Nephi 2:25- Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
Matthew 11:28- Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Brooke Snow's website
President Nelson's talk from this last conference
Today, I want to share a short, uplifting message with you.
In this episode of Music & the Spoken Word, "Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy", we learn about the importance of the "lower lights" along the shore next to a lighthouse.
Without them, even experienced sailors can become disoriented or even dashed to pieces against the rocks of the sea!
We know the Jesus Christ is our light. Thank goodness he has that covered.
We don't have to be the lighthouse. But we are the lights on the shore, and we have an important role we are playing.
To keep our "lower lights burning," all we have to do is continue what we're already great at!
Maybe we are really good at making our home a fun place to be, or keeping yummy food to feed our teenage boys and all their friends. Maybe we're good at letting the unimportant things go, or facilitating wholesome recreational activities for our family.
Whatever it is you're good at- keep going!
We can't solve people's problems for them, but we can provide direction and support and love.
You're doing amazing. Have a great week!
Ether 4:12
First of all, if you want to be best prepared for this episode, go ahead and listen to these past episodes- Brain Science for Dummies and Nothing Has Gone Wrong.
But don't worry if you don't do that, I'll do a little review, and this episode will still stand on it's own!
Today we're talking about- you guessed it- tools for calming your brain.
Our survival brain is always first to kick in and alert us during a new situation. And sometimes it can be pretty loud!
Luckily we have a higher brain to make conscious choices with the thoughts we want to have, and calm our amygdala, our survival brain, down.
Listen to this episode to figure out how use some body work like allowing and processing your emotions, deep breathing, meditation, and paying attention to your five senses to do this.
The quote from President Nelson was in his message "Your Body: A Magnificent Gift to Cherish."
You may have heard me talk about our survival brain versus our higher brain before.
When we're facing a new or emotionally charged situation, our survival brain is always first to respond, saying something along the lines of "DANGER: Something is not right here!"
Often this sends us into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
But luckily, we also have a "higher brain" as human beings, that then kicks in and helps us analyze if we actually need to do something about it or not.
One of my very favorite thoughts that I choose when I am using my higher brain is the thought that nothing has gone wrong.
And it's always true!
Nothing that is happening with me or anyone I love is ruining God's plan for us- in fact, it's an important part of it!
Additional references:
Isaiah Chapter 61
"What Thinks Christ of Me?" by Neil L. Anderson (April 2012)
So, I've dealt with one or two (or a lot more) stressed-out teens in my lifetime. Each one responds differently, but there are three basic responses that we see in people.
Fight- they get mean!
Flight- they stay as busy as they can to distract themselves.
Freeze- this lookslike laziness.
Now we know from past episodes that when emotions are high, intelligence is low. But here are some DO's and DON'Ts when it comes to trying to help.
DON'T take it personally.
DO agree with what you can
DON'T jump into the drama with them.
DO help keep things in perspective.
For some more ideas, have a listen to today's episode!
Just a reminder that this is the last week to sign up for my Love at Home group program! Email me at christi@christidaviscoaching.com or DM me on Instagram for more information. I'd love to have you!
We all know at least one of them- the person that seems to be a ticking time bomb. Maybe it's a teenager, a spouse, or a sister-in-law. Anything you do or say could be the trigger that sets them off. Isn't it exhausting feeling like you have to tiptoe around them in order to keep them happy?
Well I have some great news for you- you don't! Our human experience is supposed to be messy, and so is theirs. It's not our job to try and control other peoples' environment, or their emotions. No matter what you do, they are going to react how they want to react and that is just fine.
I know it seems like we're doing such a nice thing at first, but it's not helping either party in the long run. Having a hard time grasping this concept? Have a listen and schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me by clicking here and we'll figure it out together!
Here's a link to The Sister Project website that I was gushing about at the beginning of the episode- you should seriously check them out.
And registration is open NOW for my "Love At Home" group program- you won't want to miss this! We'll be meeting on Tuesdays starting on October 11, but registration closes on September 28th. For more info, listen to the beginning of the episode and email me at christi@christidaviscoaching.com or DM me on Instagram. I can't wait!
How would you define prayer?
I personally like to think of prayer as connecting with God.
There have been so many instances in my life where I have prayed and prayed and prayed for something that I thought I needed, and that were certainly what we would call "righteous desires."
But when I didn't feel like I was getting the answers I wanted, my own plans started to consume my thoughts and I became frustrated. I felt "disconnected from God."
In today's episode I want to tell you a few stories of times when Heavenly Father has taught me a few things about prayers, and I want to share the secret on how we can feel connected to God whenever we want!
Here's the link for David O. McKay's take on meditation.
Have a fantastic week!
Chances are you've probably learned about opportunity cost at some point in your schooling. It's a technical term for what you're giving up by choosing one thing over another.
Today on the podcast we're talking about what some things you're focused on are costing you in your relationships. And are those things really worth it?
We'll talk about lots of different examples, but try to come up with some of your own, too! What do you want to change in your life so you can get that opportunity back?
I have another small group starting on September 13th! This group is great way to get more affordable coaching, learn the tools you need to change your life and your relationships, and connect with others in a similar situation. For more information, sign up for a free call with me here, DM me on Instagram here, or email me at christi@christidaviscoaching.com.
And here's the link to Dallin H. Oaks' talk from October 2007, "Good, Better, Best."
So you have a teen that just got their license, and can't wait to drive everywhere. You'vebeen in the car with them, and now you sit there as they leave imagining all the terrible things that are "bound to happen." And how does that make you feel? Miserable of course!
I've been there. When something is coming that we are feeling unsure about, our brain wants to protect us from getting hurt. But unfortunately, all this does is make our brains feel all the negative emotion right now before anything even happens! And it's unlikely that any of those things will actually happen at all.
The strategy I have found most helpful in these situations is to prepare for the BEST, and know that even if the worst does happen, we are going to get through it. That's what faith is all about right? Have a listen to hear some examples of what I mean.
Thanks to I conference I attended recently, I've been thinking a lot about what my origin story is. Why do I do what I do? What brought me here?
As the pieces have come together in my mind, I realized that I've never shared it on the podcast! So here's my story of how I discovered life coaching, and where it has brought me.
I hope you're able to relate to some of the challenges I've had in my relationships, and know that it can get so much better!
Now that we've all had a good long break for summer, I'm going to be taking on some new clients. Please reach out to me for a FREE 30 minute consultation, and let's see how we can improve your relationships!
Email: christi@christidaviscoaching.com
Instagram: @christidaviscoaching
Website: christidaviscoaching.com
Welcome to our last episode for the summer!
Today we're going to be talking about zooming in and out the focus on our lives.
When we're feeling a sense of urgency or anxiety, it can help so much to just zoom out for a bit. We can zoom out anywhere from a few minutes to the span of eternity. Whatever we are worried about is probably going to be just fine! And even if we don't know it, we can trust that Heavenly Father does.
Sometimes zooming out feels overwhelming and scary. It's these moments that we can hit the pause button and zoom in. What do you feel right now? What do you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? These small moments where we just commit to being present help us to appreciate that everything is okay right now. These moments bring us joy!
As President Russel M. Nelson has said, "My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."(October 2016 General Conference talk "Joy and Spiritual Survival)
Here's a link to Brooke Snow's Instagram, who I quoted in today's episode and love and admire!
If you're loving the podcast, I would really appreciate if you'd take the time and leave me a review. That's the biggest way to help the podcast grow and reach more people! Thanks so much, and have a great summer!
Breakups are hard, no matter what age you are. And watching your teenager go through a breakup can bring all those negative emotions right back to the surface.
I've had three different people ask me to talk about breakups in the past week, so I figured it was a sign! Here are some tips I'll talk about in today's episode of what is your job when your teen goes through one.
-
Clean up your thinking!
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Allow your children to have whatever experience they need to have.
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Believe in your child.
-
Validate their feelings without "jumping in the pool with them."
I hope this helps! Have a great week!
I had a teenager that was constantly "talking back" to me. For a while, it drove me absolutely CRAZY! I told myself it meant all sorts of things like he didn't respect me as a mother, he thought he was smarter than me, etc. But I came to realize, he was simply expressing himself. He was trying to be understood just like I was.
Once I made this shift in my mind, I realized just how valuable this skill of questioning and trying to understand for himself was. And I LOVE the independent adult he has turned out to be! And through this process, I was able to teach and model (and learn for myself) how to have respectful conversations when you disagree with someone. Maybe having a child who "talks back" isn't so bad after all!
P.S. I have some summer coaching spots open! We can be super flexible with scheduling. Email me at christi@christidaviscoaching.com or DM me on Instagram to learn more about my program!
Today on the podcast I want to talk to you about something that has been incredibly helpful for me in my coaching journey and in my life in general. I want to talk about how our brains work.
Specifically, I'll teach you just a little bit about the primal brain that seeks pleasure, our emotional brain, and our "higher self" brain. Don't worry, we'll keep it super simple. But learning this information has helped me to be able to see why I'm having the thoughts that I'm having, and subsequently, make choices based on what the most advanced part of my brain knows is right.
Here are the extra resources I promised:
The Teenage Brain by Frances E Jensen
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
(A warning about that one- it's absolutely fascinating, but is about our body and mind's relationship with trauma, so can get disturbing)
What an intriguing question that is- how do you wantto feel? If you've been listening for a while you know that we get to choose our thoughts that create our emotions.
Often when I ask my clients that question they automatically respond that they want to feel neutral. All they know is that they're in pain and they want it to stop. But we also know that our brain looks for evidence to confirm whatever we're focused on. So even if we're focused on "I don't want to feel this way," our brain is automatically going to look for evidence to support that feeling.
Instead, try and focus on the thoughts and feelings you DO want to feel. Just making this small change can truly change your life and your relationships.
Need help getting more specific? Schedule a free consultation with me by clicking here or visit me on Instagram!
It happens pretty often in my house that a kid doesn't react how I would have liked them to. They don't like the rules, they ask for my advice but don't really want it, they want to blame things on everybody else, etc. It can be so tempting to fight them on it- to get into a power struggle that won't ultimately benefit anybody.
But instead, I want to give you some responses to some scenarios that a lot of my clients ask about. These responses eliminate the power struggles and take the drama out of it. They are full of truth and give your teen an opportunity to grow and learn for themselves, rather than you trying to control them.
If you need help with a different scenario, or wish there was something I had covered that I didn't, shoot me an email at christi@christidaviscoaching.com or DM me on Instagram. I'd love to talk it through with you!
No matter what stage of life you're in, it's full of transitions. Some good- a wedding or a new house or a baby, and some hard- the death of a loved one or loss of a job. As humans, we naturally want to be comfortable. So even if we are excited about a change, it's probably going to come with some amount of discomfort, which can be a challenge for us.
However, I have some suggestions on how to embrace these transitions that will inevitably come as part of our experience here on earth. If we slow down and check in with ourselves, separate the clean pain from the dirty pain, be willing to feel all of the emotions and be present in the experience, and look for the gratitude, these times of change can become much less daunting.
One of my favorite parts of coaching is helping clients through the transitions in their life and providing support. If this sounds like something you could benefit here, reach out on Instagram or click here to schedule a free consultation with me.
As always, thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you next week!
Additional references:
Of Things That Matter Most by Dieter F. Uchdorf
Episode 61: Clean Pain, Dirty Pain
Episode 54: This is What It's Like to Be Human
I'm in a Facebook group of wives asking all sorts of questions and opinions, and lately I've been noticing a pattern. Someone will tell a story about their husband not meeting their expectations or their mother-in-law not respecting their wishes, etc. Then they'll pose this question in some form- "Should I be upset?"
The short answer is- you can if you want to, but it probably won't do you any good. I think in most of these situations, we're mostly looking for people to agree with us (like me when I'm pregnant ranting to my sister about Taco Bell getting my order wrong). And that's totally fine! We just have to be careful that we don't get stuck in those negative emotions and let them become our norm.
If you're having a hard time applying this, you're not alone. Schedule a free consultation with me here or reach out on Instagram, and we can dive deeper!
What if I told you you're probably not completely telling the truth in your relationships? I'm not talking about purposely lying to the people you care about, but believe it or not, this is something we ALL do!
I was first introduced to this concept as a young parent from a book by Dr. James Jones, and since then have noticed so many situations in which I (and my clients) may be speaking out of fear or trying not to hurt someone's feelings instead of being completely honest. Have a listen to today's episode for lots of examples on where you might not be telling the truth, and how you can fix it in a kind, loving way.
Have a great week!
Today's episode is meant to help lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen feeble knees.
Being a human is hard! Being a parent is hard! It's actually meant to be hard.
Thankfully, we are not expected to be perfect at it.
According to Elder Bednar: "Evening with a general authority" (Feb. 2020. See min. 34 ish)
"If you are doing your best; if you are consecrated and devoted, you're not going to mess somebody up. Heaven is in charge of this. Not you. Not me."
You are enough. You're doing it right.
It's so easy to see black and white thinking in our teenagers, but I think it's equally prevalent in us as parents. Sometimes we get fixated on the rules, and on making sure our kids "do it right."
Maybe we think that getting homework done always comes before fun. But then we have a kid who is being crushed under the pressure of perfectionsim, and needs a night off more than he needs another A. Maybe we have a family rule that "we always go to church." But then we have a 17 year old who feels angrier and more alienated every time we force them to go.
I get it. Parenting would be so much easier if there were absolutes. If things were simply black and white. I wish we could make the rules and they would always be best for everyone. But that isn't the way life works. Very few things are actually black and white.
If you find yourself stuck in a power struggle with your teen, that may be a red flag that you're fixated on a rule, rather than trying to teach a principle. You may be stuck in black and white thinking.
If you need help seeing the difference, DM me for a free consultation, or click here.
Have a great week!
References:
The Future Podcast Episode
"In principles have clarity, in practice have charity." -Brooke Snow
I love how coaching tools can help me better live the principles of the gospel! In our recent general conference, President Nelson said, "None of us can control nations or the actions of others or even members of our own families. But we can control ourselves. My call today, dear brothers and sisters, is to end conflicts that are raging in your heart, your home, and your life."
Today I'm sharing three coaching tools that will help you do just that.
We know from scripture that "Men are, that they might have joy."
That also means "Moms are, that they might have joy."
We are created to have joy in this life! And yet all too often, we get so bogged down with the to-do lists of life that we forget to have joy!
Or we get so caught up in taking care of others that we lose touch with ourselves. We actually forget how to experience joy!
Tune in this week to find out why it's crucial to the health of your family that you learn how to create joy in your life!
How many times have you lay in bed, playing a movie over and over in your mind of what you think the future will look like? I've done it so many times I can't keep track! And how many times has everything played out exactly how you envisioned it? If you're anything like me- probably little to none. One thing we DO know for sure about the future, is that nothing is for sure!
All the worrying and trying to fix ours and our children's future before it even happens is probably actually causing more harm than good. In today's episode, I'll give lots of examples of what this looks like for most of us, and how we can change our mindset. We can face the future with confidence, optimism, excitement, and love for our children!
Some quotes from today's episode:
“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. … If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith.”—President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Latter-day Counsel: Excerpts from Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley”
"The future is as bright as your faith." -Thomas S. Monson
"We look to the future with enthusiasm." -Russell M. Nelson
If you are loving this podcast and haven't done so yet, I would be so grateful if you could leave me a review! This helps people find the podcast, and start their journey towards building better relationships with the people they love. Thank so much for listening, and have a great week!
Something we are promised as we keep our covenants is that we will "have joy in our posterity." But we also know that we can't experience joy without sorrow and difficulty. So it stands to reason that "negative emotions in our posterity" would also be part of the plan right?
In a previous podcast episode I explained the difference between clean pain and dirty pain. This concept also applies to parenting! Here are three things I think we do with that dirty pain that just tend to suck the joy out of parenting.
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We try to control the wrong things.
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We allow things to disconnect us from our kids.
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We lack faith.
But if we can learn to embrace this opposition in all things, we don't have to wait for our kids to turn out "right" to feel joy in our posterity. We can feel it right now!
Related episodes
Clean Pain, Dirty Pain
The Parable of the Fruit Trees
Other references:
3 John 1:4
Doctrine and Covenants 123:17
There was a cheesy church video about the Law of Chastity that came out back the the day. I looked to it up recently to see if I was remembering correctly, but this time there was a song that really stood out to me. In it was the phrase "you will not get lost if you walk beside her." Wow. That is so powerful to me, and exactly what I want those around me to be able to say about me! In order to become this person we need to 1. Be constantly increasing our own faith and 2. Invite people to walk beside us. Let's talk about how to do that.
References from today's episode:
The Cheesy "A Time to Love" video
The Temple and Your Spiritual Foundation by Russel M. Nelson
Eyes to See, Discipline to Create, Glue to Bind-Converted unto the Lord by Sharon Eubank
Matthew 5:16
The Book of Esther
Okay this is the last week to sign up for my next small group coaching program! If you're ready to improve your relationships while gaining a wonderful support system, this program is for you. Click here to schedule a free consultation for more information!
Several years ago, we bought a house that had been foreclosed on and neglected for a year and a half. One of the most exciting parts of this property was that it had a ton of fruit trees on it! The problem was- we had no idea what kind of fruit trees they were. So we worked hard on those trees. We made sure they had good nutritious soil, water, sunlight, and that they were pruned enough to thrive. Then, we sat back and watched with delight as all these mystery trees slowly revealed so many kinds of delicious fruits!
This is kind of like parenting. Let's be honest, we don't know exactly who our children are going to turn out to be. And we certainly can't control it. What we can control are things like meeting their basic human needs (food, water, shelter), teaching (but not too much), providing opportunities for them to feel the spirit, loving them, and ensuring they can learn things in an age-appropriate age and time. Listen in to this episode to see what I mean!
There's still time to sign up for our next small coaching group! You'll get to learn life-changing tools alongside other moms who's teens are questioning or leaving the church, while getting some personalized coaching! Click here to schedule a consultation with me for more information.
Related Episodes: Languages of Love
Have a great week!
We've all been there- your child does something that sends you over the edge and you just lose it. It happens to the best of us! But how do you feel afterwards? How is that relationship affected? For me- no good ever comes from those freak-out moments. Luckily there are SO many things we can do to make sure they are few and far between. Here's a few of them that I'll talk about in today's episode:
Be kind to yourself, and make sure that yourneeds are being met.
Learn to pause and breathe deeply.
Intentionally choose thoughts and beliefs that are helpful to you.
"Get curious, not furious."
Learn to visualize and practice ahead of time how you want to think, feel, and act.
You've totally got this. If, after listening to this episode, you feel like you need some more help with this, reach out to me! You can click here for a free 30-minute consultation or DM me on Instagram!
Another reminder that I have another group starting in March for moms whose children are questioning or leaving the church. It's going to be SO GOOD you guys. Click here to schedule a call for more info.
Have a great week, and I'll talk to you soon!
For our last "love" topic for the month of February, I want to talk about loving yourself. Although, really, this one should come first. Here are five dead giveaways that you are great at loving yourself:
You speak kindly to yourself.
You take care of yourself and meet your own needs.
You can comfortably acknowledge ALL the parts of yourself- the good and the "less-than-good."
It's easy for you to love others.
You are able to feel the love of God.
Listen for specific examples in the episode and think- where are you at in this process of loving yourself? Are there some things you need to work on? There's your challenge this week!
And here's what's going on with coaching next month:
I have another group starting! This group is for moms who have teenagers that are questioning or have left the church. You'll learn all the tools you need to change your thinking(and your life), get personalized coaching, and do it all hand-in-hand with other moms going through the same thing. Our first group has been AMAZING, and I can't wait for this next one. Click here to schedule a free consultation with me for more info!
I also have a couple of spots open in March for one-on-one coaching. This is for anyone who is ready to change their life for the better by learning how to change their thinking. Click here to schedule a free 30 minute mini-session to see if it would be a good fit for you.
Thanks so much for listening, and I hope you all have a great week!
Have you ever heard the story of the cows and the buffalos? To sum it up for you- animals have a sense of when a storm is coming, and cows and buffalos have two very different ways that they react. Cows sort of panic and run the opposite direction. The storm eventually catches up to them, and since they're still running in the same direction, it prolongs the amount of time they're in it. But buffalos do pretty much the opposite. They band together, put their heads down and charge the storm! That way, they get through it quickly and can go on living their normal lives.
In this episode, I want to talk about why reacting to negative emotions like buffalos react to storms is in your best interest. If we run from our negative emotions we miss out on valuable experiences, we stay stuck in our "storm," and we don't learn the valuable lessons that our pain teaches us. Listen for the examples I give- can you relate to any? Are you running from your negative emotions? I can help.
Elder Worthlin's talk: Come What May, and Love It
Related episode: This What It's Like to be Human
Chances are you've probably heard of Gary Chapman's five love languages. But rather than thinking of them in a romantic sense, today I want to put those love languages in the context of strengthening our relationships with our children and, even more importantly, ourselves.
Words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, quality time, and I would add food ;) all have a place in helping our teens feel loved, whether they choose to accept it or not. It's also important to make sure ourlove language need are being met. And luckily we don't have to rely on anyone else to do that for us- we can do it for ourselves! Tune in to today's episode to see what I mean and get some good examples.
For the month of February I'm focusing on love- for our families, ourselves, our lives! Having a hard time loving something or someone? Schedule a free 30-minute session with me here!
See you next week!
Nobody likes listening to fighting at home. In fact, the Book of Mormon even tells us that we should be teaching our children not to fight and quarrel(Mosiah 4:14-15). I don't know about you, but my knee-jerk reaction when I hear my kids fighting is to jump right in the middle of it. I used to think that in order for everyone to love each other, I had to get them to stop fighting.
But what if that's backwards? What if, in order to get my family to stop fighting, I have to create an atmosphere of love in my home? I'm talking about how to do just that in detail in today's episode. Having patience and compassion and love for yourself first, loving people exactly how they are right now, and loving the process can all make such a difference in your home, your life, and the lives of those you love.
Elder Eyring's talk: A Home Where the Spirit of the Lord Dwells
Related Episode: Contention in the Home
Good news- I've opened up a couple spots for one-on-one coaching in February! Schedule a free consultation with me here for more information. Thanks for listening and have a great week!
I want you to think about your first reaction when you feel a negative emotion. Do you shove it down and try to ignore it? Do you think about it nonstop to the point of wallowing it? We all have moments where we do these. But today, I'm here to tell you that emotional pain does notmean that something has gone wrong.
Part of being a human is that we get to experience this wild ride of emotions- good and bad. Now I'm not talking about mental illness or trauma response or other situations that require the help of a trained professional. But believe it or not, clean emotional pain can help us grow and develop into the person we want to be! The problem is when we let ourselves get stuck in that state of mind or we let our emotions morph into something unhelpful, aka dirty pain.
Here's the quote I used from Eve.
If you feel like you're having a hard time discerning your clean pain versus your dirty pain, sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with me by clicking here.
Have yourself a great week!
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal..." Those are arguably some of the most powerful words in history that previously, and even at that time, weren't actually believed by most. But when they were written down, all of a sudden, it set a new standard for mankind. What are some of the most powerful words you've heard in your life?
Our words create our reality. The words we speak to those around us and especially to ourselves have a profound impact on our thoughts and our actions as well as that of those around us. Today I want to take some time to give some examples of powerful words that have shaped my life, why that's important, and what you can do to shape your own reality with your words.
Here's that quote by Lawrence G. Lovasik.
P.S. If you have been loving the tools this podcast gives you, or you feel that it has been helpful in some way, I would love for you to leave a review! This is one of the best ways to can spread the word and help other parents who may be struggling.
Now have yourself a great week!
Picture this: Your teenager is on a rampage this afternoon. Huffing and puffing, slamming doors, snapping at siblings, rolling their eyes at you and demanding to know how you think they'resupposed to get everything they're supposed to done in time. Sound familiar?
First of all, remain calm. Easier said than done, I know. After all, you told them to work on their school project instead of hanging out with friend last night! But remember- giving in and matching their emotionally heightened, illogical state of mind won't do anyone any good.
Instead, your teen needs connection.They need to be seen and heard and validated. They also probably need some support-"That sounds tough, I'm sorry you're struggling today. How can I help you?"
Tune in to today's episode for some more in-depth examples and suggestions of how you can reduce conflict with your teenager!
And don't forget- this is the last week to register for my small group coaching program for moms who's teens have left or are questioning the church. Click here to schedule a free call with me for more info!
One thing that a lot of my clients are struggling with or have struggled with in the past is one or more of their children questioning and/or leaving the church. It's so easy to let our fears take over in this situation- What if they live a life full of misery? What if we don't get to be together forever as a family? While we can't predict the outcome, we do know that Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for each one of us. And in the meantime, I have a few tips that can significantly ease the burden you may feel you are carrying.
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Instead of panicking and believing that everything has gone wrong, trust in Heavenly Father and His perfect plan. He's got this! Choose faith of fear.
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You may be tempted to make this about you. 'What did I do wrong?', etc. But it doesn't have to be about you! Try taking this time to focus on your child. Make a real effort to understand them and strengthen your connection with them.
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Rather than constantly trying to teach and voice your opinion (cough lecturing cough), focus on your testimony. This is a great opportunity to grow your own faith, and then model it for your child!
Just remember that nothing has gone wrong here. And if you're going through this particular trial, come join me and a few others in my first ever small coaching group! You'll have a tribe of women who are going through it right alongside you. You'll learn valuable tools to help you throughout your life and receive personalized coaching! Click here and choose "small group info" to schedule a free call with me for more information. But act fast, because registration closes next week!
Special treat today on the podcast!
I have a guided meditation to help you slow down this Christmas season and focus yourself on Jesus Christ, the light of the world.
Here are the scriptures I used:
D&C 93:8-9
Mosiah 16:9
John 8:12
Ether 4:12
D&C 84:45
D&C 93:2
Find a quiet, comfy spot and enjoy meditating on the Light of the World!
We all know that the Christmas season is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? I know it is for me! But what about that mother-in-law that always criticizes your parenting or the sister that tries to guilt you into staying longer than you have the energy for? Family get-togethers, work parties, or gatherings in general are such a huge part of the holidays for most people, and for many of those people they can be a source stress, anxiety, or maybe even dread.
Well to those of you feeling this way- have no fear! I've got a couple of tips that, if applied, will make this year's festivities the best yet!
Tip 1- Choose a reason for going that you love.
Tip 2- Know your boundaries and be in charge of sticking to them.
Tip 3- When having a conversation you may not typically enjoy, go into it with the intention of finding something you love about that person... and then tell them!
As you listen to today's episode, think of which situations (or people) you can apply these tools with. Maybe even write it down and practice before the big event. I think you'll be surprised at what a difference it can make!
For more info on how to set boundaries, take a listen to Episode 18- Setting Boundaries with Adults.
Do you have a teen or young adult that is questioning or has left the church? I'm coaching my first small group! For more information, schedule a FREE short info call here.
'Tis the season for gathering!
Gather is a word that is often on my mind. It also hangs on my wall as a reminder of the work I am committed to.
In today's episode I'm talking about the importance of gathering. I'll share a few tips on how to make your holiday gatherings more joyful.
I'm also talking about how my own gathering efforts will be changing next year.
Click here to talk to me personally about joining our coaching group!
Quote by Stephen W. Owen
Do you remember the catch phrase 'YOLO'? My teenagers would use it when they wanted to do something risky or something I normally wouldn't let them do. But what if instead, it meant something more?
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that we lived with our Heavenly Father before we came to this earth. We believe that we knew the plan and we knew that our mortal journey was going to be hard, but we wanted to come anyways!
Well what if 'You Only Live Once' meant embracing every part of our existence as humans- the good, the, bad, and the ugly? When we switch our mindset to 'this is what it's like to be human' everything suddenly becomes infinitely more beautiful. Have a listen for more ideas on how to do this, and give it a try!
In other news- I'm starting my first small group coaching program in January! Isn't that exciting?! This first group will be for parents who are struggling with their kids questioning the faith. You are not alone! DM me on Instagram here or send me an email at christi@christidaviscaoching.com for more information!
Thanks so much for listening and have a great week!
We know from the scriptures that we are created "that [we] might have joy." But, much like some of the most delicious recipes, feeling joy can sometimes take a little more effort on our part. Luckily, my recipe for joy only has four ingredients.
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Presence- What are you experiencing in this very moment? What are you seeing? Hearing? Smelling? Feeling?
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Gratitude- Think about all the small, beautiful blessings we are so lucky receive in this life. No matter how hard things seem right now, I promise they are there!
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Love- How can you more fully love those around you, and how can you show that love?
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Faith- Combine all ingredients and "bake it all in faith." Faith is what gives meaning and purpose to all of this.
So start gathering those ingredients, and notice where you need some more of any of them. Don't let joy just be a buzzword during these holidays! As President Nelson has said, "focusing on joy brings God's power into our lives." Let's do it together, shall we?
Additional references:
The Temple and Your Spiritual Foundation by Russell M. Nelson
Days for Girls International- this is the website for the charity we did the service project for. Check them out!
One of the big worries that plague us as moms- am I enough? The answer is a bit confusing- yes and no. We can't be enough in this life. That is- we can't be possibly be perfect. But not being enough IS ENOUGH. As long as you're still trying, that is enough.
Here's the link to Elder Cornish's talk from October 2016 LDS General Conference- It's a good one!
One of our main jobs as a parent is to be a leader for our family. We want to guide, help, inspire, and be a cheerleader for our children! Today, we talk about howto become the leader we want to be.
Some of the best ways to do this are:
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Leading by example (see Emotional Adulthood),
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Having a clear vision, which we can then share with our children
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Truly understanding and connecting with our children
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Believe in them!
Luckily for us, we have the BEST example of leadership- our Savior Jesus Christ. With Him as ourleader, and these four pillars, we CAN fulfill that leadership roll in our children's lives in a loving and effective way!
I think a lot of people would agree that one of the most frustrating parts of parenting is when your kids fight. My husband and I have tried countless things to eliminate contention in our home, some of which were downright ridiculous! But a lot of the times, I ended up getting frustrated and joining right in which, of course, didn't do anybody any good. Can you relate?
Luckily for us, it turns out kids being mean or fighting actually has nothing to do with us! And it doesn't have to dictate the way we are feeling at all. Instead, we can turn it into one of THE BEST learning tools for that child or other siblings. It can also be the perfect opportunity to connect and bond! Our families are like laboratories, and these challenges are how we learn to resolve conflict and interact with people. What better place to learn those things than a safe and loving environment?
Additional references:
Mosiah 4:14-15
Go to my Instagram or my website to sign up for a FREE 30 minute consultation for some extra one-on-one help for improving your relationships!
In Doctrine & Covenants 6:36, we are told to "doubt not, fear not." With everything we face in our lives, this commandment can seem easier said than done, or may even feel impossible at times. But what if I told you that we can CHOOSE to have faith that everything will work out?
In this episode we will explore how we can increase our faith to combat those fears and doubts that plague us every day. Mental illness, confusion of faith, contention- these are just a few of the challenges we may face ourselves, or watch our children and other loved ones struggle with. But if we build our foundation on Jesus Christ, and make a conscious effort to choose our thoughts, our faith can become bigger than our fear.
Additional references:
Helaman 5:12
2 Timothy 1:7
Doctrine & Covenants 123:17
In 2014, Elder David A. Bednar spoke to members of the church at Education Week at BYU.
He talked about using social media to flood the earth with goodness.
But we've seen that social media can also be harmful, especially to young people, when used carelessly.
How can we teach and train the rising generation to use this powerful tool in a way that blesses them and the world? I believe it starts with the way we as parents think about it.
If we think of social media as evil or destructive, we are going to be afraid of it.
And we never do our best parenting from fear.
Listen in today as I offer you a new way to think about your teenager's relationship with social media.
Have you ever watched a baby cry and thought to yourself, "I can't belive that baby is crying! They're going to grow into an adult that whines and cries until people give them what they want." No? Then why do we do that with our teenagers?
In today's episode we talk about how most of the things our children- especially teens- do is completely normal, and actually means that they are growing and developing right on schedule! And that means it's not our job to control every aspect of their lives. Phew! Thank goodness for that right?
Instead, let's learn how to hold onto those relationships, so that when they areready for some advice and direction, we'll be right there waiting with open arms.
Today (9/28/21) is the last day to enter my giveaway for a $50 Amazon gift card! Share your favorite episode with one or more people that you love, and then comment on my posts here or DM me on Instagram to tell me about it!
A couple references from today's episode:
The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham
"Children learn to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions." -Alfie Kohn
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are constantly striving to become. We want to become more patient, kind, or humble. We want to become a wonderful parent or a spiritual giant. We especially want to become more like our Savior Jesus Christ. But how do we do that?
In this week's episode we talk about universal truths. No matter what church you belong to, if any at all, every single person will be able to take these truths and apply them to their life. We talk about agency, individual worth, unconditional love, creating the results you want, and the idea that you can become anything you want to become. And you may be surprised to find that you have been learning these truths all along!
Make sure to listen for how gospel truths and life coaching intersect. And don't forget to enter my giveaway!
Quote by Dallin H. Oaks (October 2000 General Conference)
Related epsiodes: One Hundred Percent Lovable
Today we're talking about brain loops. You know... like when you're lying in your bed at night replaying the same thoughts over and over and over.
We'll talk about why your brain likes to do that, and how you can interrupt that cycle and find some peace.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said "There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness and resentment.
It's an easy trap to fall into as a parent. Feeling unappreciated or overworked can easily turn into a pattern of resentment.
It doesn't have to be this way! Learning to let go of resentment is a great way to create a more joyful life!
Job 38:7 tells us that when we understood the plan for us to come to earth, we shouted for joy!
We couldn't wait to have the experience of being human, with all it's ups and downs.
And yet now, when we (or our children) feel negative emotions, we think something has gone wrong. We think we need to hurry and solve the problem so that we can return to happy as soon as possible.
The truth is that a rich, full life is made up of all kinds of emotions.
In today's episode we'll talk about how to allow our negative emotions in a healthy way, and how to teach emotional management to our kids.
Teenagers are notorious for sleeping in late, procrastinating their chores, and putting fun as their highest priority.
And while that's certainly not true for ALL teens, many parents find themselves struggling to keep their teenager motivated and focused on the things that matter.
In this episode I'm talking as a fellow struggling parent. I'm constantly trying to find more effective ways to motivate without trying to control or manipulate my kids.
I've been through enough teenagers to have learned a thing or two though. In this episode I'll share insights from my own parenting journey.
We'll talk about what works and what doesn't work to keep our teenagers motivated.
Who wouldn't like a little more self-confidence in their life??
In today's episode we talk about what confidence is, where it comes from, and how to have more of it!
It's a question most of us moms have asked ourselves.
And sometimes maybe it's a useful question, but often it's not.
If you ever find yourself wishing you could go back and do things differently in your parenting, then today's episode is for you!
President Nelson has said "In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting and constant influence of the Holy Ghost."
This is true with respect to our own spiritual safety and conversion.
I believe it's also true in regard to our parenting.
To be the kind of parents the Lord needs us to be, we need to be able to hear God's voice. We need Him to guide, direct and comfort us in our parenting.
Today's episode talks about how to get better at hearing His voice.
Today we're talking about the fact that every human in the world is one hundred percent lovable.
Isn't that great to know?
That means that we don't need to wait for anyone to change in order for us to love them more.
From Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, God loves us perfectly."
If we want to love people more, all we need to do is improve our skill of loving!
Brene Brown says it this way, "Our job is unconditional love. The job of everyone else in our life is to push our buttons."
The story about the scientific study of rabbits, as relayed by Gary E. Stevenson, can be found here.
Today's message is short and sweet.
It's a reminder that you're not alone in this struggle that you're dealing with.
Struggling is why we're here, and no one is immune.
It's the struggles that help us become who we want to be.
It's also a message of hope. I love this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley:
"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future."
Referenced in this episode:
"Christ is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains" by Russel M Nelson
Hebrews 11:1 KJV "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
"The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions." Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
This episode is addressing a question I get often from my clients.
How do I deal with a disrespectful teenager?
One thing we know from the scriptures is that the way to have genuine power and influence in someone's life is not through coersion or power struggles. Proving we are stronger and trying to demand respect is not the same thing as teaching or earning genuine respect.
True respect and the right to be an influence in our childrens' lives is gained by "persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned." D&C 121:41
Quote from Elder Ronald A Rasband: "Remember how the Savior handled tough questions... (and we can substitute the word teenagers) He remained calm, He showed respect, and He taught truth, but He never forced anyone to live the way He taught."
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be coached?
How is it different from learning by listening to a podcast or reading a book?
Today I'm talking with a real live client of mine, and she shares what her experience has been like.
If you've ever thought about working with a coach, you're going to want to listen to this episode?
Negative emotions may not sound like a very fun topic.
But like it or not, about half of our earth life experience is going to be made up of negative emotion!
Right? Opposition in all things?
Learning what to do with our negative emotions is an important part of using our agency.
This episode is designed to help you gain some awareness of what is happening when you feel bad, and to give you some skills to help you process those feelings in a healthy, productive way.
Sometimes it seems like our teenagers aren't listening to us anymore.
Maybe it's the earbuds in their ears, the bored look in their eyes when we are teaching, or the door slammed in our face as we try to follow them to their room.
What can we do as a parent when it seems like our wisdom is falling on deaf ears?
We can focus our energy on what we are MODELING for them.
Elder Devin G. Durrant said "Our most impactful parental teaching is our example."
Today's episode focuses on things that our teenagers really need us to model for them.
Joey Mascio is a certified life coach for teens and young adults, a middle school teacher and counselor, and a trained performer. He coaches the next generation on creating more happiness and success in their lives. He has a Masters in Education, coaching certification through The Life Coach School, and is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Joey currently resides in southern California with his wife and 3.5 kids (his fourth is due this summer!).
You can find him at: http://www.firmlyfounded.com/joey
Or listen to his podcast at: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/secrets-for-an-awesome-life/id1504492900
I've been coaching parents of teenagers for a couple of years now, and I've BEEN a parent of teenagers for more than 10 years!
With all that experience, I've identified a few things most parents do (myself included) that never help. In fact, these common mistakes usually create the exact opposite of what parents are hoping for.
Did you know you get to choose what you believe?
Today I share with you some of the beliefs that I have chosen on purpose.
These are things that I choose to believe because they serve me well in my family relationships, and life in general.
I don't believe that parenting was meant to be a walk in the park. I think it was intended to stretch us and help us grow.
But there are things going on in our world that make it more difficult than it has to be.
In this episode we're talking about healthy parent-child attchment, and how nurturing that attachment can make parenting so much easier and more joyful.
Referenced in the episode:
Relationship Matters by Dr. Gordon Neufeld
Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susan Stiffelman, MFT
Six Stages of Attachment:
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Proximity
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Sameness
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Belonging or Loyalty
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Significance
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Love
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Being Known
Psychology today estimates that only 7% of human communication takes place through the words we speak. The rest is understood through tone and body language.
So while words are powerful, and should be chosen carefully, perhaps we should focus some of our attention on the other components of our communication.
Our tone of voice and body language are often not conscious choices for us. They are created by the thoughts and feelings we have going on "behind the scenes," or behind the words that we speak.
The best way to gain awareness of and access to what is going on behind the scenes is to become aware of our own models. (Go back and listen to the last episode if you're not sure what I'm talking about.)
In this episode we use lots of real life examples to learn how to use the Model to improve your communication.
Three main take-aways:
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Before having a difficult conversation, do your own work. Get yourself to a place of peace and love, so that those are the emotions coming through in your words, your tone and your body language.
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Stay curious. Try to understand what may be going on in the other person's model. Assume the best and don't rush to take things personally.
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Remember- the words they say always go in your circumstance line. They are not good nor bad until you make them mean something. THIS IS WHERE YOUR POWER IS!
The Self-Coaching Model is a tool created by Brooke Castillo.
She combined the knowledge and work of many other wise teachers to come up with a common sense, hands-on way to apply the best principles.
This episode is one that will be useful to listen to, but the real power will come from applying what you learn.
If you'd like a worksheet to help you practice using the model in your life, email me and I'll send you one!
christi@christidaviscoaching.com
New Year's week feels like a good time to talk about goals.
But in this episode, we're not talking about the goals that you write down and check off your list.
Today we're zooming out and talking about the bigger picture goals that we have for our family relationships.
We're talking about how to not get so focused on the short term details that we lose sight of what we are really trying to accomplish.
Have you ever felt like someone in your life was "toxic?" Like every time you are around that person you feel negative emotions?
I hear people use this term a lot, and I don't think it's accurate. I think that believing other people are toxic puts us in the position of feeling like a victim.
What if nobody else had the power to make you feel bad?
Tune into this episode to see how that is possible!
So many of us think that we feel bad because of the things happening outside of us.
We think that if only our husband would do this one thing, we would be so much happier. Or if only our teenager would behave differently, we would feel so much more at peace. If only people would be nicer to each other on social media, we wouldn't be so stressed out.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that it puts us in a place of powerlessness. If we have to wait for other people to change so that we can feel better, we might be waiting forever!
Fortunately, it's not true. As President Russell M. Nelson said, "The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."
Our happiness is created in our own brains. That is the best news ever, because it means we are always the ones in control of our own happiness!
Tune in to this episode to learn how to take responsibility for and control over your own emotions.
It can be so frustrating when our teenagers start to tune us out!
Don’t they know we still have so many valuable things to teach them??
Unfortunately, it happens to even the best and wisest of parents. So at least you’re in good company!
Teenagers need to learn to distance themselves from their parents in order for them to become independent, responsible adults. So it is actually developmentally healthy and appropriate for them to stop needing or wanting our input in the details of their lives.
But… we all want to have the kind of relationship with our teens where we can still guide them and support them. We want to be a part of their lives and have an enjoyable relationship.
In today’s episode we’ll talk about what to do when they aren’t listening to us. I’ll give you three things to look at in your own behavior that may help.
The book I reference in the episode is by Gordon Neufeld “Hold on to Your Kids.”
It sounds weird to say this, but the ability to allow ourselves to feel negative emotions is one of the most important skills we can develop as human beings.
But when I say "allow" them, I don't mean reacting to them or wallowing in them. I also don't mean resisting or avoiding them. To allow a negative emotion means to be aware of what it is and what caused it. It means to let the emotion be there, even while we act in accordance with our values.
Once we learn to allow our emotions, those vibrations will move through our bodies and run their course. They won't need to stick around and try to control us.
What are some of the most common questions you ask yourself?
Our brains are very efficient at answering questions. They love to solve problems, collect evidence, and find answers.
When we ask ourselves questions, even subconsciously, we are giving our brains the assignment to find the answers.
That's why it's SO IMPORTANT that we ask ourselves the right questions!
Tune in to this week's episode to start noticing what "assignments" you are giving to your brain.
You might be surprized!
Moms are unselfish. We put the needs of our loved ones above our own and are willing to sacrifice for the greater good. And that's a beautiful and noble thing!
But sometimes... if we're honest with ourselves, it doesn't feel very beautiful or noble. Sometimes it feels like we are always the victim and don't get our own needs met.
Join me in this episode as we talk about how to recognize a victim mentality in ourselves, and what we can do to change it!
When is it appropriate to set a boundary with other adults in our lives? And how do we make sure other people honor our boundaries? (Yes, that is a trick question.)
Tune in today to learn how and when to set a boundary, and how to make sure your healthy boundaries are honored.
One of the most popular parenting techniques these days is using a system of rewards and consequences to "train" our children to do what we want them to do. And there is certainly a place for that!
But what about when it doesn't work? What do we do when our kids get older and want more independence? What if, no matter what we try, they still insist on making mistakes? What then?
I certainly don't have all the answers. But I have found that the more I understand and honor their agency, the more peaceful and confident I am as a parent.
In this episode I share some real life examples of what it looks like to balance agency with rules and consequences.
Referenced in the episode:
Daughters of God by M Russell Ballard- April 2008
Choose You This Day by Dale G Renlund- October 2018
We want to be the kind of mothers Elder Ballard talked about when he said "There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman."
"Mothers and Daughters" by Elder M Russell Ballard
But I've observed that sometimes, in our zeal to help the people we love, we accidentally cross the line from righteous influence to trying to manipulate or control others.
In this episode we will talk about the principles of righteous influence, and how to recognize when we are trying to manipulate others.
I refer many times to the talk "The Music of the Gospel" by Wilford W. Andersen.
What if it's true? I get asked this question often by clients who would like to change their perspective. But how do you change your perspective about something that is "true?" Join me this episode as I answer that question.
Life is all about relationships. And relationships are all about connections!
Join me this week to talk about how to make sure we get all of our connection needs met- without anyone around us needing to change!
This episode we continue the conversation we started last time about our relationship with ourselves. We talk about 3 things you can do to improve that relationship.
Talk by Sharon Eubank here
Today we're talking about the MOST important relationship in your life- your relationship with yourself.
We'll talk about why it matters so much, and why we sometimes struggle in this crucial relationship.
Quote from Gordon B Hinckley here.
"I'm OK, you're OK" by Dr Thomas Harris here.
Today we're talking about how the expectations we have for the people in our lives sometimes make us miserable.
We'll explore a tool I use often with my clients (called the Manual) to take a closer look at our expectations. Once we gain some awareness, we are more empowered to make choices that will improve our relationships with the people closest to us.
Many parents spend a lot of energy wondering how their kids will turn out. We worry and think about all the things that could go wrong.
In this episode we talk about why it's so much more useful to spend our time thinking of all the things that could go right!
Quote from Sharon Eubank found here.
Quote from Gordon B Hinckley found here.
Ever wondered what coaching is like? In this episode you will hear a real client being coached on her real relationships. You get to be a fly on the wall!
In the middle of the COVID 19 craziness, things feel a little unsettled for us all! In this episode I talk about some of the emotions I've been sorting through, and some of the decisions I'm making for my family.
My hope is that my experience will help you make some sense of your experience, and that it will help you find some peace amid the chaos.
Mom guilt! We've all experienced it.
Sometimes it is a tiny little mosquito buzzing in our ear, and sometimes it can be a heavy gray cloud that follows us around and keeps us from enjoying the sunshine in our lives.
Tune into this episode to find out what to do when you're bogged down with mom guilt.
Communication is the way humans connect. If we want to improve our connection with loved ones, we need to improve our communication.
It this episode we talk about why good communication can be so tricky. We also discuss some specific things we can do to improve our communication.
Mentioned in the episode:
Rising Strong by Brene Brown
Family Communications by Marvin J Ashton
Do you ever wonder if you're doing enough as a mom? Do you struggle with the question of when to let them learn by their own experience, and when to step in and take over? Or wonder if you should be trying harder or turning it over to the Lord?
I wish there was an easy answer that worked every time. But this episode will help you get some clarity on which part is yours, as the parent, which part belongs to your child, and which part belongs to Heavenly Father.
Some great clarification comes from the talk "Choose You This Day" by Dale G Renlund.
If you're ready for a blast from the past, you can find the Michael McLean song here. You're welcome.
Sometimes it seems like our feelings or emotions are caused by what someone else is doing or saying.
But if that is true... then we are never completely in control.
In this episode we'll talk about what it means to be an emotional adult. We'll talk about why and how to take full ownership over our thoughts and feelings.
Quote by Russell M Nelson from this talk.
The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom can be found here.
John 14:27 says "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
But is that really possible in today's world? Is it possible to raise children in this world of spiritual dangers without getting bogged down by fear, worry and anxiety?
I say the answer to that question is YES!
The reality is that the people we love are going to make some mistakes. Maybe even some really big ones.
Join me in this episode to find out why we don't need to be afraid of that.
We'll talk about why being afraid is actually counterproductive, and how to keep from getting stuck in worry and anxiety.
Julie B Beck's talk, "Mothers who know" can be found here.
You can learn more about James Jones here.
In this episode we talk about what it is that makes a relationship loving and good. It might be a little different than your current definition!
We talk about some things you can do to improve your relationships- even it the other person isn't ready to change.
Quote from Jeffrey R Holland comes from this talk.
Quote from Marvin J Ashton comes from here.
Quote from Dieter F Uchtdorf comes from here.
We believe in families! We want our family relationships to be a source of joy. But all too often, they are a source of frustration, worry and stress. This episode will help you know where to start in your efforts to create more loving relationships within your family.