NigeriansInDubai Podcast: Recent Episodes

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Saana Azzam is an economist, author, speaker, performance coach and founder of Mena Speakers, a UAE based company that helps you find the right speakers for your events. She also recently launched knowhomarket.com, a global platform focused on matchmaking speakers and knowledge seekers for events, conferences, workshops.

We had a sit down with Saana to have a discussion about the many things that make her tick. She is an interesting personality and we can’t wait to hear how she was able to turn her passion to profit.

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This week we continue a conversation we started on our podcast about dating in Dubai for black women.

Malcolm X said that the most disrespected and unprotected person in America was the black woman. Is there a similar trend today in dating?

With over 3.5 million active users, Co-Founder of online dating platform OkCupid, Christian Rudder wrote about some of the data his platform had noticed in his book on love, sex, race and identity- Dataclysm. He shared that;

• Age is a huge variable in online dating. A woman's taste in men typically evolves as she ages, while a man's taste in women stays the same no matter how old he gets.
• There's a bias against black people. Every kind of way you can measure their success on a site — how people rate them, how often they reply to their messages, how many messages they get — that's all reduced.
• Black women and Asian men are the people swiped left the most from Tinder. Black women were considered the “least desirable” among all races of men

This week we talked to Vivian and Lizzie, two black women living in Dubai about their experience dating in Dubai.

Introductions- Meeting Vivian and Lizzie.

Lizzie is 28 years old, 5 feet 6 inches, and a British-Ugandan who has lived in Dubai for 3 years. She works as a business support manager for a company in Dubai. She coordinates CEO relations and manages human resources. Lizzie is a social butterfly who enjoys hanging out and engaging in other fun social activities whether its games night, a drink with the girls, a brunch, book review session or fellowship.

Vivian is 31 years old. She’s 5 feet 7 inches and a Nigerian who has lived in Dubai for 3 years. She is a real estate broker and tourism specialist who manages everything from tickets to tours to catering for events and tour groups. She describes herself as unique and having “the body”. Voluptuous is what she means.

Dating in Dubai: First Impressions

Lizzie- British-Ugandan

Laughing, she says “I came here full of hopes and dreams, and I was crushed”.

I have been here for 3 and a half years and It’s hard being a black woman in Dubai. I have friends of other nationalities and it helps to live a balanced life but I cannot help but notice how easy it is for them to get in and out of relationships. They always have something going on versus the majority of my black successful female friends, trained at Ivy league schools who are still single. The market for “good guys” here is so small.

Vivian- Nigerian

I believe there are good guys here but they come here with deliberate intentions and dreams. I met my boyfriend in Dubai two years ago and we are still dating. We met in church and it was mostly more about how we can help each other than dating.

I am a goal oriented, vision inclined person and without those we might not have gotten a chance to date.

Dating goals: What are your dating goals?

Lizzie

I have enough friends. My dating goals are black and white. I have passed an age where I am dating for fun. When I first came to Dubai, I enjoyed being treated like a princess and I was taken to all these nice places but I am at a point in my life where my time is so valuable and if I am sitting in front of you and I don't feel like there is a possibility of us getting serious or dating to lead to marriage, I would rather be single and spend my time with my friends.

Vivian

I had no goals when I met my boyfriend. I have always been enough for myself. Men don't really interest me. My boyfriend and I were on the same platform looking for opportunities so we discovered that we had something positive and that was the attraction for each other.

We were not searching for anything but discovered each other based on our mutual need at the time.

Experience with Online or Offline Dating

Vivian

I concentrate on business online so I find it irritating when people try to chat me up online. However there are smart guys who come in through business but eventually reveal their dating intention for me. I always find a way to strategically maneuver people to focus on business.

I actually have a friend in Dubai who met her husband on Facebook and they are very happy today so there are definitely a lot of opportunities online. Love can definitely be found online. My boyfriend and I met each other on an opportunities platform but I believe that dating can affect the potential for business because people tend to forget the serious stuff when dating comes into the picture.

Lizzie

The majority of my dating experience has been online predominantly from Tinder. I go out a lot as social outing is really big to me but I have never been directly approached offline by black men which is the demographic I am looking for. I get approached however by Asian and white men.

I went on a date some months ago with a black guy I met on Tinder and he was really complimenting me about how beautiful I looked but half way through, he suddenly says if he had seen me on a night out he would have assumed I would have too much attitude to talk to him and wont have approached me. So I believe there is a stereotype that is associated with my black skin because to be honest I am always happy and smiling so I don’t know where or why someone would assume I would be unapproachable.

I personally don't buy the thinking that movies or literature portraying black women as angry affects how the demographic I am targeting behave. Most black men were trained and grew up with black women so they won't have that bias. I have also seen other cultures being praised for being fiery and having sass so I almost get upset when I hear about angry black woman. People are angry across all races so one person cannot be a representation of all races.

Dating Online- Approach and Techniques

Lizzie.

First thing I look at on Tinder is avoiding meeting a serial killer consistent with research done in the US. Does he look like a serial killer? Does he look safe?

Apps like Tinder are very visual so I check if I am attracted to how they look. Can I tell from their pictures if they engage in a variety of activities. Do they love the outdoors? Etc.

When I actually start talking to them, I believe guys need to make it personal. I receive a lot of “Hi messages” that I ignore. Say something, tell a girl she is beautiful, tell her what you liked on her profile. There are so many guys who are serious and guys who are just looking for fun for the night. I have had guys just saying “Can you come to my house tonight?”, people trying to offer payment. Sometimes people just see you and assume you are working although I spent a lot of time crafting my bio.

Even though I am not judging what people have to do to survive, I believe that black girls standing at street corners affect the perception of black women in Dubai. It breaks my heart but when I came here about 3 years ago it was majorly Russian and filipino girls at the street corners but today it’s predominantly black women.

Vivian

I would rather have my date in a house. I am a mix of the introvert/extrovert and my boyfriend is an extrovert so I had to open up a bit. The truth is I prefer multi tasking around business and it was a problem at a point but my boyfriend handled it. He started taking me on dates and helped me loosen up.

Comparing dating experience

Lizzie

Dating in London is a completely different ball game. A lot of people in Dubai live their life for show and it is difficult to find genuine friends. A lot of things is how you look and who you know.

Comparing my dating experience in London with Dubai, Dubai has definitely spoiled me. Dating in London involved travelling long distances and hanging out in less exciting places than Dubai. I have gone on a lot of dates in Dubai and there has always been an element of care and I have never been asked to pay on a date. Guys in Dubai care a lot more about where you live and how you will commute to a date.

I once had an experience with a Nigerian guy who invited me to hang out at a place called Irish Village. I had never been to Irish village and didn't know where it was and didn't know it was a pub. I had spent over an hour doing my hair and makeup I was hearing a really nice dress and heels. I jumped into a taxi and after about 50 minutes and arguing with the taxi driver I discovered Irish village was about 55 minutes away from where I lived and was close to the airport. Getting there I discovered it was a pub and I wasn't dressed appropriately for it.

My friends in Dubai and London had totally different reactions to the situation. My friends in Dubai felt I should have left but my friends in London asked me about the date experience and other things. Dubai does spoil you a bit.

Approach to Tinder

Lizzie

I have never had to lead the conversation on any dating apps even after matching with people because I believe a guy that’s definitely into you will make the effort and send you a message. From experience of how a lot of guys use Tinder, they swipe right on almost everyone so because you match a guy doesn't mean he has actually looked at you.

The pool of black men on Tinder is so much bigger than other platforms

Approach to Bumble

Lizzie

Bumble is a dating app where the women have to lead with the conversation. I find that on Bumble the quality of guys is better than other platforms but to be honest, the pool of eligible black guys on the platform is not a lot.

Places to Go on Dates In Dubai

Vivian

I like luxury and places that help conversation flow easier. In a good environment I am a lot relaxed and everything you say to me is a lot more fun.

I. Five Palm Jumeirah

Ii. W Dubai

III. Other good places.

Lizzie

I like luxury as well. There are a lot of really nice places downtown and gems in the Palm. When you say you want to go on a date with me, my next question is typically “Where?”. Some places I like are;

I. Anantara The Palm Dubai: They have a very good acoustics place

II. The palace downtown. All their restaurants have a great ambience.

Dating advice for young black women

1. Be Open

Lizzie: A lot of black women’s downfall is only sticking to white men. In general we need to be more open to other races and try to see people we connect with on a mental Level

Vivian: Be open wisely. Don't be blinded by love so you don't say “Oh he slowed me down, I was dating him and he slowed me down”

1. Be deliberate about how you profile yourself online and offline

Vivian: Lizzie talked about how deliberate she was with her profile on some of these dating apps which makes her a lot more attractive. Whatever you put out there as a lady is what you get back.

Personally I have got job interviews in Dubai from InMessage and other platforms. In as much as you want fun, your profile could open other opportunities for you.

Lizzie: It's great to be deliberate about your profile but also be careful about the people you meet. Sometimes you meet guys that are perfect on paper but then they lie about what they truly want. Dubai is a whole kettle of fish so it's not always what you put out there that you get back. Be smart and very aware that a lot of men lie on their profiles. I have a friend that told me how he openly wrote on his profile that he is looking for a relationship when he is actually looking for a one night stand. He says he knows that if he writes that he wants a one night stand, not many women would swipe right for him. There are also a lot of people that lie about who they are. A lot of people recreate themselves and sell you a dream.

3. Take your time

Lizzie: Nobody can play an act for a long time. Take your time and get to know the guy.

Vivian: As a woman you need to have a balanced view of things, don’t be extreme in your thinking. Sometimes people come for a particular reason and over time they discover your value and other opportunities become available.

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In this week's podcast, we talk to Tobi Familusi, an International Sales Specialist at EMAAR Properties about Investing in Dubai as a Nigerian. Tobi shares with us secrets of investing in Dubai; how to spot a fake investment opportunities in Dubai; things to look at before Investing; different classes of investment for different budgets and other important things that demystify the investment landscape.

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Bayo Hassan Bello, founder of The Ajala Project was on this week's edition of the NigeriansInDubai podcast where he talked about how his startup which connects creatives- artists, writers and change makers with investors; their impact in the Dubai community and their recent grant from the Tony Elumelu Foundation.

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Dating In Dubai As A Young Black Woman Pt 1: Demi’s Tinder and Bumble Experience.

Dating in Dubai on the surface sounds like such an exciting experience with the available mix of different nationalities working and visiting Dubai.

However as a young black woman whether Nigerian, Ethiopian or Caribbean, the case seems different. This is our 18 - 26 years old version of dating in Dubai as a young black woman. We will definitely cover other age ranges.

Demi A, a young Nigerian student in Dubai takes us on her journey in dating in Dubai as a young black woman.

Who is Demi A?

I am 21 years old, 5 ft 7 inches tall, outgoing and a lot of fun. I love to talk but I can be quiet for weird reasons. Getting to know me you will discover both good and annoying points.

I would say I am a normal curvy Nigerian girl. I am from Akwa Ibom in the South-South part of Nigeria. There is a saying about Akwa Ibom women that if they catch your man, he is hooked forever.

Demi’s First Impression.

Dating in Dubai is quite different from my experience dating in the UK where I just completed my first degree and it will definitely take some getting used to.

I had some difficulty getting into the dating scene in Dubai and discovered two dating apps; Tinder and Bumble which I hoped would help me meet people and hangout in Dubai. I created profiles on both apps hoping I would meet cool guys to chill with but the next message I got on one of the apps was “how much” implying that I was on the app to exchange sex for money.

What are your dating goals?

Honestly, I am not going to bullshit or lie but I don't have any dating goals. I have gotten to a point where I am fed up and tired of guys so I am just taking my time to go out and have fun. I don’t think I am mentally ready for any relationship.

The dating goals of any young black woman is to find a man she can be herself around; someone that can be her best friend and know how to treat her right.

It's a bit difficult to meet these goals because most guys you meet are jokers and just want to mess up with your heart. I have had my heart broken and it hurts when your feelings are toyed with.

Demi’s Tinder experience

Everyone knows Tinder. Tinder is used worldwide and it was the first app I downloaded. On Tinder you have different registration options, you can decide to sign with your email address or your Facebook account. I don't use Facebook so I signed up with my email address. On Tinder you have to create a profile, upload a picture, set your locational preferences and write a bio if you want to.

It provides up to 10 picture slots, allows you to set an age and geographical location range, add your job, education and possibly an interesting enough bio. There is a Tinder pro paid version that gives you more specialised features like super likes, featured profiles, etc that can help make the dating process easier but I didn't sign up to this.

I decided not to put up a bio but chose a nice and smiling picture. Tinder allows you to swipe right or left on a person’s picture. You and the person you’re interested in need to both have swiped right or left signifying mutual interest or not respectively for Tinder to match you and allow you to chat. There are no rules on who should text first but most Nigerian/African women prefer to be texted. I don’t like texting first, I prefer the men texting first.

It’s a really simple way technology is changing how we date or meet up.

My initial Tinder experience like I said before wasn't so good. Most of the matches I got texted me first but most of them were asking me “how much per night?” and I got really upset. You barely know me and the first thing you are asking is how much per night. I went off on most of them because they didn't know me and just made a horrible assessment.

From my assessment a lot of black women use Tinder for commercial purposes even though sex is illegal in Dubai. I got tired after a while of all the back and forth.

I did meet some people on Tinder and we became good friends.

I went on only one date on Tinder in March with a very stylish British guy who I didn't like because of his height- about 5 ft 4Inches. He had a muscular and chiseled body. I like tall men and so he didn't do it for me. I stopped responding to him after a while and allowed things to fizzle out.

Demi’s Bumble Experience

I found Bumble through an Instagram advert. Bumble advertises on different social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. They also use #Dubai hashtag to take advantage of the Instagram hashtag algorithm.

Profile creation on Bumble was pretty much the same as Tinder. However, on Bumble you meet a lot more professionals and the profiles are better thought out as it’s a more professional platform.

Bumble has predetermined goals- friendship or relationship and you can pick Bumble for friendship or Bumble for relationship.

I picked the option for a relationship and started swiping. Bumble brought up the guys, their professions and locations. The app is set up such that the women have more power and have to chat the men up first and if after matching you don't say anything for 24 hours, the man disappears forever. This wasn't something I liked at all but I had to put my pride aside and just do it. The average Nigerian/African woman is used to being chased or only expressing interest after the man has shown significant interest.

Putting my pride aside I texted a couple of men and I noticed that after texting if they didnt reply in 24 hours they disappeared based on the app settings. I got a couple of replies and I finally found someone I wanted to go on a date with.

I agreed to go on a date with this Palestinian guy and we agreed to go out on a Thursday and he suddenly didnt say anything and only sent me a message two days later apologising and asking for a second chance. As a Nigerian woman, I am not big on second chances. I don't appreciate my time being wasted at all and if I judged based on this missed date, he seemed like a time waster.

I was bored and decided to give him a second chance. The date was a lot more fun than I imagined it would be. The weather is quite hot in Dubai right now so I wore bum shorts, a shirt and sports shoes. He wore a shirt jeans and dress shoes.

We went to an indian restaurant and he said he would pick my food even though I told him I am very picky about my food and wanted it very spicy. He was very attentive and gave the restaurant pre instructions and the food was really spicy.

At the end of the day, we went to Marina Walk, a 7km waterfront walkway. It has lots of global cafe, food outlets, restaurants and yachts. It's a beautiful scene and you should definitely visit the Marina Walk if you visit Dubai. We got Ice cream and we started planning his 25th birthday. It was interesting that in such a short time we had started talking about something that serious. At the end of the date he dropped me at home and we have been talking for a bit longer. He is out of Dubai on holidays now but we still chat.

I have met a few other guys on Bumble but haven't gone on any dates with any of them, I met one 4 days ago and we have been chatting and I finally decided to go out on a date with him tomorrow.

Other Dating apps Nigerians visit

Badoo, Tagged, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat are some other platforms young black women use.

Problems for young black women dating in Nigeria

Perception on Tinder is the only problem I can think of. Beyond that, I believe they worship black women a lot more. We are more enticing, catchy and interesting. According to a couple of them, we are the best in lovemaking. This might be why they keep aking on Tinder if black women would like to have sex with them. They might also have black women fantasies.

Where to go for dates in Dubai

Most black women are self conscious about their safety but in Dubai with all the security measures put in place, women can feel a lot safer.

You can go to restaurants and pubs. There are so many pubs and restaurants from different countries you can visit.

Advice for Young Black Women looking to date in Dubai

1. Be your authentic self because there are people here looking for that. Be as free as possible.

1. Be able to deduce what a guy actually wants...some people are looking for adventure or a black woman experience while others are looking for something more serious.

2. Test all spirits and still be safe around the men. As safe as Dubai is, it's important that you still be watchful

3. Don't compromise on your standards. You can find that standard here. You can also find out what visas they are on here because lots of people are on tourist visas and just looking for a quick run.

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If you would like to first get some pre-podcast insight into the content, Ifeanyi has written two articles from the content of the podcast.

How Nigerians can learn in a global environment and position for the next level: http://nigeriansindubai.com/…/podcast-lessons-how-nigerian…/

5 tips for landing an international job opportunity: http://nigeriansindubai.com/…/podcast-lessons-5-tips-for-l…/