Martini Shot: Recent Episodes
Rob Long
When you’re filming a movie or a television show, when it’s the last shot of the day, the First Assistant Director will call out, This is the Martini Shot!
Meaning: after this shot is done, we’re calling it a day. After this shot, you get your martini.
I call these stories “Martini Shots” because they’re exactly the kinds of stories we tell — and lessons we learn — after we’ve wrapped for the day. Stories about Hollywood and the media, about living and working in the entertainment business, and about living and working in general.
And like a good martini, they’re short enough to enjoy more than one. Follow Martini Shot on Twitter (https://twitter.com/rcbl).
Rob Long advises “Be nice to everybody. Or at least, in Hollywood, don’t be not nice to anybody.” Not just for manners, but also, as Rob learned, sometimes someone who escaped your memory, yet with the power to give you money, will be seated opposite you on a suede sofa. As it turns out, hundreds of moments in your life when you were not your best are embedded in someone else’s. Which is why even Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote should say thank you to each other.
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No matter how much power you have, you’re going to eventually sit in someone’s office and pitch something. It’s why Rob Long thinks everyone has to perfect at least 10 minutes of pre-meeting chit chat — those short but important conversations, usually between writers and execs, that take place prior to the official start of any pitch (weird traffic patterns, huh? Did you guys know each other in college?). Just don’t talk about scary spiders.
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This week, Rob Long reveals his big plans in 2023 for digital absolution — in other words, a reprieve from having to read or watch (or even know) about what's on TV. Full and unfettered forgiveness for not watching that movie you like or clinking on the link to that article you sent him, and he’ll give you the same in return. Deal?
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There’s a great dividing line between a person’s time in show business: When you’re starting out — or even before that, when you’re just daydreaming about a successful career — all you see is upside. But once you’ve made it (usually with a little bit of luck and a string of crazy events), you devote a lot of time (thanks in part to our armies of lawyers, business affairs types, etc.) to worrying. “If you spend too much time in this business,” says Rob, “you forget that there are only two things you really need to be successful: a willingness to put it all on the line, and an idiot to convince you to do it.”
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How competitive is host Rob Long? Well, as he’ll tell you, he once fumed over his friend — not him — being named Customer of the Week at their local coffee bar. Which brings us to awards season, where, “if you spend a lot of time watching other people get good stuff, you become stressed out and unhappy.” But, cautions Rob, you can either wallow in rage at the injustice, or redouble your efforts just so one day you too can see the look on the faces of those idiots who doubted you. Says our host: “Vengeful satisfaction… is priceless.”
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Rob met Kirstie Alley on Cheers when he was 24. Never afraid to ugly cry or ask for a scene to be changed (once because she wouldn’t take aspirin; see: Scientology), Alley, decades later, wanted a role on Rob’s TV show playing a grandmother (a role another actress, 82, thought she was too young to play). Never vain, Alley summoned Rob to her house, and, in her way, said, “If you think I’m too fat, just tell me.” Says Rob, “We didn’t. She was just perfect.” Alley passed away after a brief battle with cancer two weeks ago at age 71.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theankler.com/subscribe
The most prevalent topics in a Hollywood executive office? Host Rob Long ranks them: 1. Money; 2. What to do about the writer; 3. Lunch. Indeed, early in one’s career, most writers realize that — upon any success — he or she is surrounded by people whose job it is, essentially, to watch them do their job and tell them how to do it. Which is why he proposes to every exec Take Your Writer to Work Day.
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Have a script due or need a decision made? Rob Long hopes you got it done before Thanksgiving lest you be forced to wait until January rolls around. Of course, there’s a price we pay for that industry-wide habit of shutting-off well ahead of holidays, summer, three-day weekends, etc. — a constant feeling of being too late. Which, as it turns out, is the industry’s preferred method of getting things done. After all, if you wait until the last minute, you can blame any bad decision, any failure, on just how rushed things were.
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Rob admits he should stop reading the trades: the only thing they’re good for is “to keep up on the career milestones of other people in the business who you may know, like, or be secret enemies with.” And since most trade coverage is dedicated to announcements of things to come, very likely “none of it will get made or sold, none of it will produce anything, which means none of it is worth getting anxious over and none of it is important to know.” In other words, he says, it’s all drumroll, no actual music. Just ask that lottery winner.
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Working in entertainment, Rob Long has become superstitious. Whenever Rob does something humdrum like walking the dog and his agent calls, it’s always bad news. A call on a great trip? Well, maybe it’s a series pick-up! “We're always looking for signs and signals about where exactly we are on the great big greasy power ladder,” he says. And nowhere is your place in the world more on display than at the gates of a studio. If you’re denied entry and the gate arm stays down, you’re not just locked out of the lot — you’re also locked out of the business.
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This week, Rob finds similarities between an audience and the voting public. Both will disappoint or lift you up on occasion, but what they should never do is surprise you, because that means you haven’t been listening. The solution: Turn to the crew, often the best and most accurate focus group a TV writer/producer can get. “‘Is the crew laughing?’ is one of the questions writers ask all the time on a comedy shoot,” says Rob, because they’re not paid enough to pretend to enjoy something when they’re not. On that note, Rob also offers up some free advice to anyone running a media business: follow the Olive Garden strategy, where, upon a takeover, every executive was forced to work in a restaurant for a day.
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When Rob’s credit card was declined this week, he hopped on the phone with card security, and then — thanks to the sober reality check — decided he didn’t really need to buy that expensive toy. And thus, the benefit of “a service that interrupts you while you're in the process of buying something expensive and unnecessary.” On a set, that’s known as the line producer. And today, Rob pays tribute to one of the best, Steve Grossman, a 35-year industry veteran (Newhart, Hope & Gloria, George and Leo, Love & Money, Lateline) who was the secret weapon for sitcom success — and to whom the industry recently bid farewell.
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On call sheets, child actors have a pumpkin icon next to their names, notifying everyone on set about their inviolate shorter workdays, lest the kid turns into, well, a pumpkin. Rob Long reflects on the significance of that symbol — especially when the time comes to part ways with Hollywood. Even if you’re calling a temporary wrap on your on career, there’s a power and shrewdness to putting a putting a pumpkin next to your own name before someone else does it. Says Rob, “It's the smart and healthy thing to do.” Which means you — and he — probably will never do it.
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At one point or another, everyonein Hollywood will get fired, or will fire someone else. It’s as inevitable as getting unhelpful notes from an executive, or another Avengerssequel. After reading the news of the latest layoffs around town, Rob offers advice on how to deal with this part of the business, as well as how to handle the equally inevitable fallout: the creation of enemies. Sure, there are always people who you are never going to want to work with again, but there are actual enemies — people who you exchange words with — and secret enemies, the most troublesome kind of all.
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Host Rob Long today explains why attracting an audience to a movie or TV show works the same way those dating apps work in attracting people to one another. But without the swiping. And why writers must always serve the dessert first in their scripts, no matter how “important” the message is. Because audiences want the candy, not the homework. So please, don’t bury the fun.
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Today Rob Long tells the story of a friend on a flight about to make an emergency landing. The worst wasn’t the pilot’s announcement that they were in trouble; it was the flight attendant’s attempt to get everyone to chant, hands clapping, “We’re going to be okay!” As anyone in the industry long enough knows, such happy self-talk usually indicates something that is exactly the opposite — particularly in this era of Entertainment 2022. Enter the ninth planet.
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This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theankler.com/subscribe
Rob Long tackles the confusion of what makes a TV show right for broadcast vs. streaming
Whether they're greasing the wheels of Hollywood or hosing down billionaires, sharks also have hearts (really!)
An Argentine writer named Jorge Luis Borges once declared that there are only four stories that are told and re-told. Or maybe there are seven — it depends who you ask.
In Hollywood, even the most prosaic activities often involves a complex dance of priorities, rank, and egos. This week, Rob explains the complex politics and power moves behind setting a meeting time that works for everyone’s schedule.
In Hollywood, even the most prosaic activities often involves a complex dance of priorities, rank, and egos. This week, Rob explains the complex politics and power moves behind setting a meeting time that works for everyone’s schedule. But that exercise pales in comparison to figuring out who is in what position on which project, which often requires an advanced degree in calculus to understand...
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In the entertainment business, pitch meetings are an essential part of selling ideas — and getting jobs. So as a public service, Rob gives his expert guide to pitch meeting success, starting with what beverage one should order (it matters!) and ending with the post-pitch conversation in the car.
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In this week’s episode, Rob Long tackles the idea that entertainment is a risky business that takes a lot of intuition and nerve. Things are going to fail, and sometimes, weird long shots do pay off. But that doesn’t stop networks from using methods to try to predict what shows will and won’t be hits. Rob reminds all network executives that they are in the business of taking chances...
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Screamers, show consulting, Stanford, seniority, status, and Stalin’s chair. These concepts are all linked, in this parable on power in the entertainment business. Listen and hear how.
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This week, Rob give his notes on network notes. Some writers consider them the bane of their existence. Others carefully parse them like a detective at a crime scene for subtle clues that may (or may not) signal whether their script will move towards production. But what if your script receives the unusual but occasional “we have no notes” response? Well, that’s the dream, right?
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As the entertainment business slowly becomes a form of television and everyone slowly realizing that the television business depends on the management skills and personal discipline of…writers, some show runners are finding themselves replaced at alarming rates. Rob — who has run a few shows in his time— has some words of encouragement and yes, advice for those people who find themselves in...
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In Hollywood, everyone is an artist. And as artists, they often feel they are entitled to a certain amount of eccentricity and perfectionism, including but not limited to having their cake and eating it too (metaphorically speaking).
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Rob explains why managing “the talent” —which includes anyone who interacts with studio management— sometimes calls for techniques that are more commonly associated with calming infants. Or 19th century schizophrenics. Rob also reveals the strategy to winning any exchange involving talent, notes, deals, or even controversies that play out in the media. He guarantees it. Are you listening...
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There’s only one phrase a scriptwriter dreads more than “we love it, but we have some notes”: “we love it and have no notes.”...
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Rob discovers a WWII era psyops spy manual and realizes it is the perfect guide for disrupting the business practices of modern content companies. But —as a New Year’s resolution— he vows not to use the manual’s power for evil. For now.
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Rob gives a master class in the unnecessarily complicated etiquette of wishing friends and family “Merry Chr…”, er, “Seasons Gree…”; uh, “Happy Holi…”. Well, you know what we’re trying to say.
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Rob explains an immutable law of show biz physics: bad news travels slow because there’s no money in it, while good news travels fast –really fast– turbo-charged by the notion that money is about to be spent.
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Preston Beckman was a network programmer at NBC and Fox for over 30 years. He brought the country “Must See TV” at NBC and was witness to the the start of the reality revolution when he was at Fox. Now, he’s retired and spends his days opining on Twitter about television, politics, and everything in between as his nom de plume, “The Masked Scheduler.” In this Martini Shot Conversation...
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Your podcast player has been Martini Shot-less for a while now, and Rob has a good reason for it. No, not a Hollywood writer’s excuse why the draft is two months late — he really does have a legitimate excuse for why you haven’t heard from him in a (pardon the expression) long time. Listen and find out. And yes, we’ll be back with another “Shot” next week. We promise.
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Martini Shot Conversations is back with another chat with The Ankler’s Richard Rushfield. Rob and Richard cover the shifting sands of the TV business, CinemaCon pre and post COVID, the silly state of awards shows, and more. And yes, we will be returning with new episodes of Martini Shot very soon. Thanks for being patient as Rob gets back up to speed.
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Rob considers a mid-life career change, inspired by a couple of pilots that didn’t go forward and fridge full of exotic meats gone bad.
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This week, Rob explains a simple axiom of show business: if you want your agents to remain generous with free expensive bottled water and delicious mini chocolate cakes, you have to earn it. Or more accurately, you have to earn for them.
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Rob explains how he once got roped into picking up a very large check and offers advice on how you can avoid making the same mistake.
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In most areas of show business, most people want more: more lines of dialogue, more scenes, and of course, more money. But Rob explains that if you want to heard more, follow his advice and say less.
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Rob is dismayed to discover that the charismatic lead actor for his comedy pilot is being treated for a condition that required him to take medication that made the actor boring.
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This week, we’re introducing a new feature to Martini Shot: The Martini Shot Extended Universe! OK, we’re not doing that — at least not yet. Instead, on occasion Rob will be talking to people in the entertainment business who he usually only talks about. Executives, other writers, journalists, maybe even actors. In today’s conversation, Rob sits down with Richard Rushfield...
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This week, Rob explains why lying is an integral part of the Hollywood ecosystem, and passes along a few pointers on how to do it successfully. Really. We’re not lying – that’s what this episode is actually about.
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Rob makes a rare detour from commenting on the shifting sands of show business to provide an explainer on the physics of airplane flight (really!) and share the story of a very brave pilot let him take the wheel.
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There’s an old show biz adage: comedy is tragedy plus time. Rob explains why awkward moments and dark, biting comments should probably be part of that equation as well. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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A few weeks ago, Rob promised to auction off this episode of Martini Shot as an NFT (non-fungible token, as the kids say). Then, fate intervened. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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This week, Rob explains why drinking and then shopping online and the knee jerk tendency of people in the entertainment business to automatically disparage a new idea or venture are both bad habits. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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This week, Rob explains the relationship between a classroom of vomiting kids and actors over-botoxing themselves. Yes, there is one. Really. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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Rob explains why there’s one standard for hackneyed dialogue in movies and TV, and a very different one for real life. And why an old song by Prince created a personal RomCom moment for him. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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In this entry from the Martini Shot archives (OK, it’s actually a thumb drive), Rob offers some advice for the newly inaugurated President Biden based on his years (and more years) of show biz experience. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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Rob looks into the cutting edge world of NFTs (non-fungible tokens — a way to create unique digital assets that can be bought and sold) and wonders if it may open up a new revenue stream for a certain podcast. Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
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In this Martini Shot Classic episode, Rob exhorts his fellow writers not to dwell in cynicism and self doubt about their new projects, but rather think of them in terms of wonder, enthusiasm, excitement, curiosity, gratitude, joy, and adventure. Strong advice — if only he could convince himself to take it.
Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
Follow Martini Shot on Twitter (https://twitter.com/rcbl).
Rob explains how studios exercise control over writers through cash flow and why often the sweetest words a writer can hear from the studio are “what’s your tax ID number?”
Rob Long’s Martini Shot is brought to you by Kushy Dreams, the smokeable CBD. For 20% off your next order, go to KushyDreams.com and use the coupon code ROB at checkout.
Follow Martini Shot on Twitter (https://twitter.com/rcbl).