Parenting After Trauma with Robyn Gobbel: Recent Episodes
Robyn Gobbel
Robyn Gobbel is a writer, trainer, speaker, and educator dedicated to understanding why humans behave the way they behave. She teaches parents of children who have experienced trauma how the brain works, why behaviors are simply an externalization of what's happening in the brain, body, and nervous system, and how to respond to children's behaviors in a way the creates healing, not just behavior change.
So many struggling and overwhelmed parents feel like their biggest problems are their kids' behaviors and the chaos that's taking over their family. This week's guest, a longtime Club member, talks about how she slowly came to realize that what she really needed to focus on wasn't strategies to change her kids' behavior, but experiences that would soften the shame she was carrying.
This guest bravely shares that her shame didn't soften on her own. It took showing up in community with other parents who were honest about their own mess and who received her without judgment, over and over, before she could start offering herself that same compassion.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why self-compassion is almost impossible to build alone
- How this mom's own regulation changed before her kids' behavior did
- What it sounds like when your kids start offering that same compassion back to you — and to themselves
Read the full transcript at:URL goes here
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Every morning (or afternoon or evening) feels like just one long stream of complaints. Breakfast isn’t right, the bowl isn’t right, SOMETHING is always not right, and no matter what gets fixed, it’s never right enough.
^That perfectly describes a nervous system stuck in protection mode.
This week’s episode explores how and why nervous systems get stuck and practical ways you can help- even when NOTHING you do seems to help.
In this episode you will learn:
- Why your child's reaction is almost never about the thing they're reacting to
- What it means for the past to show up as a "tsunami" in the present moment
- Three simple places to start dropping in more felt safety today, even before anything else changes
Next month in The Club we’re hosting a workshop so we can all get together, pull out the Grow Your Child’s Owl Brain with Cues of Safety workbook, and make a real plan for how to increase safety in your child’s stream of the NOW - which eventually does calm the tsunami in the stream of the past
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3)→ RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1
- All Behavior Makes Sense → RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessense
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cuesofsafety
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Screens. Sugar. Anything that feels really good. The advice to just "lower the demand" can fall really short because for some kids, more access brings real relief. But for others, more access actually causes more stress and we wind up asking kids to take on a responsibility that is beyond their developmental capacity.
This episode digs into what's actually generating the stress underneath the behavior, and what it looks like when a kid needs to be held steady instead of shifting our expectations.
In this episode you will learn:
- Why high-reward things like screens carry their own built-in stress, and how that changes the question of whether to give more access or less
- What it looks like when a kid needs the burden of managing something taken off their shoulders entirely
- How to tell if a boundary is actually working: not whether your kid protests, but which direction things are trending over time
If this is landing for you and you want to map this out for your own kid, come join us in The Club. Our resource library and our members will help you map your child’s nervous system, troubleshoot things when they don’t seem to be getting any better, and show you how to take care of yourself in the middle of all of it.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/enabling
- Exploring Low Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/lowdemand
- Stress Response System → RobynGobbel.com/stressresponse
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/morestress
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Every behavior. Every parenting moment that feels impossible. It all comes back to three sentences — the three core tenets that distill how relational neuroscience makes sense of behavior and give us a roadmap toward change.
This episode lays out the three truths underneath everything I do — this podcast, my books, The Club, the Immersion Program — and why they matter more than any single strategy ever could. Caring for kids with big, baffling behaviors is so overwhelming and confusing. Having an anchor is non-negotiable.
In this episode you'll learn:
- The three sentences that hold up this entire framework and sum up what behavior really is
- Why Social Baseline Theory says your nervous system was never built to carry hard moments alone
- How these three truths can help in the middle of a meltdown — with your kid, with yourself, with anyone you love who's having a hard time
You don't have to hold onto these truths by yourself. That's what The Club is for!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
- The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/threethings
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
You know that kid who just can't stay in the therapy room? They leave, wander around, get into things that aren't theirs, or are maybe even destructive? And three therapists have already called it quits.
Maybe this describes your kid. Maybe this describes the kids you work with. This episode is for both of you. The helper who is trying to be with this kid, wondering what they're doing wrong. The helper who is working with a furious or checked-out parent — because it's the same question. But this episode is for the parent of that kid, too.
In this episode you will learn:
- Why saying yes to this work means saying yes to dysregulation — kid dysregulation, parent dysregulation, all of it
- What it looks like to stay regulated next to someone else's protection mode, whether that's a kid on a windowsill or a parent saying nothing is working
- Why a helper- or a parent- can't do this alone; and how being met with regulation yourself is what makes it possible to offer it to someone else.
Come find your people — the ones who get how hard and how worth it this work is.
If you’re a parent or caregiver, join us in The Club at robyngobbel.com/theclub
If you’re a helper and want to be included in my database of professionals trained in my framework, apply for the immersion program at https://RobynGobbel.com/immersion
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Reframing Resistance → https://robyngobbel.com/training/reframing-resistance/RobynGobbel.com/starthere
- Immersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersion
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/helperframework
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When life is overwhelming and your kid's behavior makes no sense — and feels like it's getting worse — even the best resources get hard to use. You're too dysregulated to sort through 270 episodes or an almost 300-page book to figure out where to start. Of course you are.
This episode breaks down why you freeze in the face of new information, or end up just begging someone to tell you what to do — plus a personal story about learning that the hard way, and the actual order to work through instead.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why "I don't even know where to start" is a regulation problem wearing a content problem's clothes
- Why more information stopped being the answer at a certain point, and what had to happen instead
- The exact order to work through first — and which of three free roadmaps actually matches where you are right now
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
- The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/WhereDoIStart
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
For years, "the four functions of behavior" has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It's not wrong, but it's not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what's underneath it once we go looking with a relational neuroscience lens.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Where the four functions of behavior actually came from, and why this is relevant
- Why naming a behavior's "function" and saying it started in the nervous system aren't competing ideas — they're just two different layers of the same truth
- What's actually underneath attention-seeking, escape, tangible-seeking, and sensory behavior - and how to start identifying the missing skill that can be scaffolded
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
- All Behavior Makes Sense ep. 198
- When it’s not Working ep 261
- The Club (membership community + troubleshooting worksheet)
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/behaviorfunction
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
We've been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we're doing the detective work: what is your specific child's nervous system actually predicting?
In This Episode
- Three detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child's stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors are actually protecting against
- Why you don't have to get the detective work exactly right, because the mismatched experience that changes the brain is almost always the same thing no matter what prediction is running
- How your working theory about your child's nervous system changes something in you first, and why this is so important (but also, no pressure. We’re all doing the best we can)
Resources Mentioned
- Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
- The Club — robyngobbel.com/theclub
- Immersion Program for Professionals — robyngobbel.com/immersion
- Part 1 of this series: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck
- Part 2 of this series: What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/predicting
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We're diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part - shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why your child's dysregulation isn't the obstacle to healing; it's actually the doorway to it
- The two mechanisms that change sticky behaviors at the neurological level, why one creates the conditions for the other, and why neither of them will look like anything is working for a long time
- What it actually means to stay regulated during your child's hardest moments
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/changesticky
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If you've tried everything and a behavior just won't stop…that's a sticky behavior. Let's dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We'll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. This is Part 1 of a 3-part series that brings new aha moments to your child's most baffling behaviors.
In this episode, you will learn:
- Why your child's brain holds onto certain behaviors so tightly, and why it has nothing to do with defiance or choice
- What neural glue is and why the behaviors encoded under overwhelm and aloneness are the stickiest of all
- Why the urge to make a behavior stop can actually confirm the very prediction the behavior is protecting
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- https://robyngobbel.com/immersion/
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When kids can't tolerate boredom, it's easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why boredom can trigger the nervous system to shift onto the protection pathway
- How vulnerability in the nervous system (whether from ADHD, autism, trauma, or any other reason a kid has a vulnerable nervous system) impacts a child's experience of boredom
- Practical, nervous-system-informed ways to gradually build your child's boredom tolerance
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boredom
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
A dad - who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families - shares an honest and tender conversation about what it's actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and The Club…and what has genuinely helped him keep going. This one is for every parent who has felt utterly alone in this journey- AND for every professional who needs a reminder of what the real work actually is.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why being seen by people who truly get it matters more than any tool or strategy
- How learning to receive and offer presence (not just advice) changes the way you show up everywhere- with your kids, at work, and even in a Whataburger drive-through
- What it looks like to hold hope and honesty at the same time- staying grounded in how hard things really are without sliding into toxic positivity or despair
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment. Yet somehow, everything changed.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why the shift from "I have to fix this right now" to "I can just be with you in this" is the thing that changes everything — for your kids and for you
- How letting go of performing shame (in school meetings, with professionals, for society) freed up the energy to actually parent
- Why the biggest leaps — academic, emotional, social — consistently happened during the stretches when they stopped trying to fix anything and just existed together
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everythingchanged
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say, what's actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation.
In this episode:
- Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other person's protection brain
- How to recognize when explaining yourself won't actually help
- Practical ways to respond to judgment
Scripts
- "Thank you. I'm comfortable with our parenting decisions."
- "I hear you. I need to tend to my child right now."
Neutral / Redirect
- "We've got it covered, thanks."
- "We have a lot of support around this."
- "I have people I go to for that."
- "That's not something I'm looking for input on."
- "We're working with someone on it."
Warmer with a Clear Boundary
- "I appreciate that you care. We're good."
- "Thanks for thinking of us — we've got support."
Confident / Firmer
- "I'm not looking for advice, but thank you."
- "That's not actually something I'm open to feedback on."
- "We're pretty settled on how we're handling it."
- "I'm not going to take that in, but I hear you."
For the chronic offender
- "We've talked about this- we're not changing course."
- "I've let you know this isn't something I want input on."
The subject-change version
- "Mmm. Anyway…" (and move on)
- "Noted." (full stop)
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/judgement
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Whether you're supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who's convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational neuroscience framework. This paradigm supports your work with kids, parents, and yourself. You only have to learn it once, because it scales!
This is the second episode in a row I’ve recorded for professionals and helpers. Next week, we’ll be back with episodes for parents! (Of course, anyone can listen to all of them!)
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why the nervous system framework that explains kids' behavior is the exact same one that explains parents' behavior…and yours
- What it actually means to "be the owl" as a professional, and why that is the intervention
- Why your reactions to clients aren't failures of professionalism. Their information, and getting curious about them, makes you a better helper
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/framework
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause.
This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. All the helpers who are tired and wondering how much longer they can keep doing this.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why working with clients in chronic protection mode pulls helpers into protection mode too - and how that's the real starting point of burnout
- Applying the "all behavior makes sense" framework to your own nervous system responses changes everything about how you work
- The skill that actually prevents burnout - and why bubble baths and calendar blocking aren't it
And if you want to learn more, you can join 4000+ other professionals and me in Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors- a 4-part free audio training for professionals!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/burnout
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
You've learned about the nervous system, you're trying to co-regulate, you're thinking about felt safety and connection — and the behavior is still happening! WHY?!?! This episode is a troubleshooting guide for exactly that moment. Instead of going back to the drawing board, we're going deeper into the same map: getting curious about regulation, felt safety, connection, and skills to figure out what the nervous system actually needs.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why the question is never "what consequence haven't I tried yet?" — and what to ask instead
- How to troubleshoot each of the four conditions that need to be in place for behavior to be okay: regulation, felt safety, connection, and skills
- Why a child can "know" a skill and still not be able to access it — and what scaffolding that skill actually looks like
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Podcast Episodes
- Ep 198: All Behavior Makes Sense — deep dive into the moment the behavioral impulse fires
- Ep. 9: Building the Tower of Self Regulation — very early episode about trust and what it means for kids with vulnerable nervous systems; link to go in show notes
- Starts at Ep. 161: Felt Safety series — multiple episodes: one on inside, one on outside, one on between
Books
- Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — specifically Chapter 7 (Nat's story); available in paperback, ebook, and audio wherever books are sold; bulk ordering at RobynGobbel.com/Book
- Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — pre-order available; publishes September 21; signed copies available through her local bookstore
Free Resources
- Free Resource Hub — RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
- Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors — free audio training for professionals; May 4–8, 2026; register at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors
Paid / Member Resources
- The Club resource library — includes the troubleshooting worksheet and the Growing a Child's Owl Brain with Felt Safety packet/workbook (~40 pages) RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Professional Immersion Program — students and alumni also have access to the troubleshooting worksheet RobynGobbel.com/Immersion
In-Person Trainings
- Full list at RobynGobbel.com/Training
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/itsnotworking
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This episode originally aired in September 2024.
Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of-
“Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?”
Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode.
Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The difference between co-regulation and coddling
- Why asking this question helps us understand some of our fears
- What trust has to do with co-regulation
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
- Self-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/coddling
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Listen in on a conversation I have with a Club member whose family lived through years of intense, violent, and deeply isolating behavior…and eventually found their way to something different. It’s a story about holding onto the truth of who your child is, even when everything in front of you makes that feel impossible.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why “just tell me what to do” doesn’t work in the hardest situations, and what actually helps instead
- How holding onto your child’s true essence can anchor you, even in the most dysregulated moments
- The small, doable shifts that can begin to change things (even before behavior improves)
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/nostrategy
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Parenting a child with big, baffling behaviors can feel terrifying sometimes. Especially when those behaviors aren’t just frustrating… they’re dangerous. In this episode, I’m talking with a parent who knows that reality deeply, and who is also finding a way to hold onto hope.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why seeing your child as “good” doesn’t mean ignoring serious or dangerous behavior
- How one parent stays steady even when others say, “This child isn’t worth it.”
- What actually helps behavior change (hint: it’s not punishment, but it’s not the absence of accountability either)
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/holdinghope
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
What if the biggest barrier to learning in the classroom isn’t behavior… but safety?
Teachers are overwhelmed. Kids are dysregulated. And somewhere in the middle, everyone is trying their best…but it’s not working the way we hoped. In this conversation, I sit down with occupational therapist Marti Smith and educator Amie Huggins to talk about what happens when we bring relational neuroscience into the classroom in real, practical ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why behavior in the classroom makes more sense when we see it as communication, not defiance
- How connection, co-regulation, and felt safety actually support learning (not compete with it)
- Simple, realistic ways teachers can meet sensory and relational needs—even with a full classroom
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- GET - The Connected Therapist
- GET -Creating a Connected Classroom
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/connectedclassroom
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When your kid melts down after school, it seems like they just have a bad attitude or don’t want to do homework. But sometimes those explosions have less to do with behavior and more to do with a nervous system that has been working hard to handle sensory stress all day long.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why do many kids fall apart after school, even if they seemed “fine” all day
- How the sensory environment at school can slowly chip away at a child’s regulation
- Why after-school meltdowns often happen with the people kids feel safest with
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- RobynGobbel.com/freeresourcehub
- Robyngobbel.com/sensorywebinar
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/meltdownafterschool
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever had one of those moments where your child completely loses it over the wrong cup, a sibling getting too close, or one tiny thing at the end of the day? It can feel like they are actually mad at you- or their sibling. But actually, rude, defiant, or shutdown behavior might actually have a lot more to do with sensory overwhelm and a nervous system that’s simply run out of capacity and almost NOTHING to do with how mad they are because you gave them the wrong cup.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why behaviors like sass, sibling aggression, and “you never listen!” can look relational but actually begin with sensory stress in the body
- How everyday sensory input like noise, lights, smells, textures, movement, and school environments can chip away at your child’s window of tolerance?
- Why noticing your child’s sensory world can help you respond with more clarity, less personalization, and more support for regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma Part 1 of 6 {EP 250}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar & eBook
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/traumashapednervoussystem
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
The Grief No One Talks About in Trauma-Informed Parenting
Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn’t your child’s behavior, it’s the grief that rises up inside you. The grief of not getting what you needed. The grief of still healing while you’re trying to parent intentionally. In this episode, we talk about the quiet, complicated grief that can come with parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system when you have your own history of trauma.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The core griefs that often emerge when you’re parenting with your own trauma history
- Why noticing intergenerational patterns can stir shame
- How to be with your grief using self-compassion and a gentle “touch in, touch out” approach
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Podcast - Start Here!
- When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma: Part 1 of 6 {Ep 250}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grieftraumahistory
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This episode is an update and re-record of episode 56
Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.
These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.
In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.
And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting.
It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?" and then giving them that.
It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never frustrated or we always say yes.
It's about changing the lens on how we view their expressions of emotions and behaviors.
And yes- it's about setting boundaries that keep our kids safe and help their brains develop the internalized co-regulation (self-regulation!) they need!
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/WhatAboutAConsequence
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If you’re parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system when you have your own history of trauma, you know that sometimes your reaction isn’t really about what’s happening in front of you; it’s about what’s happened before. In this episode, we’re talking about how to gently uncover what might be going on when you have a huge stress response to a stressor that didn’t quite need an attack-level watchdog response.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What a trigger actually is (and why it doesn’t feel like one in the moment)
- How to tell if your nervous system is reacting to now… or something older
- A simple step-by-step process to uncover and care for the belief driving your reaction
If you’re ready to go deeper into this work, the full Trigger Hunting masterclass is inside The Club.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Trauma, Memory, & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
- What a Trigger REALLY Is {EP 223}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/parenttraumatriggers
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 94
The Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress
- The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response System
- How to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response System
- A reframe to shift your own Stress Response System
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, nervous system activation, and protective responses such as shutdown, dissociation, anger, and urgency. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
If you have a history of trauma, your watchdog and possum parts have likely been working hard for a long time. And when you’re parenting a child with big baffling behaviors, those protectors can get loud.
In this episode, we draw inspiration from Dan Siegel’s work to explore what it means to be with your watchdog and possum without becoming them. This isn’t about silencing your protectors. It’s about building a relationship with them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How state integration allows you to notice your watchdog and possum parts without fusing with them
- Why curiosity and compassion widen your window of tolerance more effectively than control or self-criticism
- How caring for your protective parts begins with awareness, gratitude, and understanding what they need
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Free Resources Hub!
- Robyngobbel.com/webinar
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/caringforyourown
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7
The brain has two modes- connection or protection.
Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.
If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!
You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/
Resources mentioned on the podcast:
- Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155
- Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161
- Boundaries Series starts at ep 111
- Oppositional Behavior Series starts at 156
- All Behavior Makes Sense ep 198
- Focus on the Nervous System webinar
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, nervous system activation, and self-compassion. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stretch your capacity in profound ways, especially when you have a history of trauma yourself. In this episode, we explore what it really means to nurture your window of tolerance, not through force or self-discipline, but through safety, connection, and compassion. This episode is about strengthening your own stress response system, not by pushing harder, but by offering your nervous system the conditions it needs to feel safe.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why widening your window of tolerance after trauma has to be gentle, relational, and slow
- How self-compassion functions as a powerful intervention to support your own nervous system
- Practical, realistic ways to nurture your window of tolerance through connection, repair, honoring limits, and micro-cues of safety
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Free Resources Hub!
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/ParentWindowOfTolerance
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
On February 3, I taught a live webinar online- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior.
This is the audio-only version of that webinar!
To watch the full video webinar and to download the accompanying resources, head to RobynGobbel.com/webinar
In this webinar, you'll learn
- the three core tenets that underlie behavior change
- what behavior really is
- how regulation, connection, and felt safety are related to behavior
- how the nervous system responds to stress
- why baffling behaviors are due to a sensitized stress response system
- how attachment or developmental trauma leads to baffling behaviors
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to your trauma-shaped nervous system
- Why reactions rooted in watchdog and possum states make sense for you, too
- How sensitized stress responses, state-dependent functioning, and a narrowed window of tolerance explain why insight alone isn’t enough
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma Part 1 of 6 {EP 250}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar & eBook
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/TraumaShapedNervousSystem
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This episode originally aired in 2020. It's a very popular episode that deserved being updated because so many folks are still listening!
Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting.
We can use our x-ray vision goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors.
Would you rather about Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior? Check out my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/lying/
Additional Resources:
Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior Infographic
Free Resource Hub: RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
Ep 222: Lying, Stealing, Regression and Baby Talk
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system overwhelm. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stir up your own trauma in ways that feel surprising, intense, and deeply unsettling. In this episode, we slow everything down and make sense of why this kind of parenting can feel so much harder when you have your own trauma history.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why parenting a dysregulated child uniquely activates trauma for caregivers
- How attachment, memory networks, and a narrowed window of tolerance collide in everyday parenting moments
- Why understanding your nervous system is just as important as understanding your child’s
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Parenting is Traumatic Ep 95
- Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Ep. 91 (implicit memory)
- Free Resource Hub
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whenparentingtriggersyourtrauma
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed.
In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our children’s - can be understood as brilliant adaptations rooted in survival.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
- Why dissociative identity disorder can be understood as a brilliant adaptation to overwhelming early trauma
- How making sense of our own histories (especially implicit memory and attachment wounds) changes the way we parent and repair ruptures with our kids.
- What it looks like, in real life, to heal through connection, compassion, and feeling truly felt- and how these experiences invite our attachment systems to move toward security
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
- A Brilliant Adaptation by Sally Maslansky
- Virtual event with Sally Maslansky hosted by GAINS on January 21
- Sally Maslansky, LMFT with Daniel J. Siegel, MD- UCLA Friends of Semel Institute on March 11
- Psychotherapy Networker Symposium- Live in Washington D.C. & Online March 19-21
Read the full transcript at:https://RobynGobbel.com/brilliantadaptations
:::
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or systemic failure- and how both truths can coexist
- How strengthening the nervous system can reduce long-term harm without minimizing how hard, unfair, or traumatic things are
- Why regulation and moments of safety, connection, and coherence are not toxic positivity- but a necessary foundation for advocacy, boundaries, and resilience
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Creating Felt Safety LIVE webinar with Robyn on Thursday January 15th RobynGobbel.com/FeltSafetyWebinar
- The Club! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Read the full transcript at:https://robyngobbel.com/nothingfeelssafe
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What are psychological boundaries
- How do psychological boundaries help us
- Why good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressive
- How to create space between your mind and another's mind
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/
Juliane's boundaries course: https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/
Jules' Relationship Podcast : https://whydoesmypartner.com/
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How boundaries can create physical and emotional safety
- How to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued development
- How to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffolding
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What boundaries really are
- How they are different than punishment and rules
- Examples of boundaries
- What to do when your child violates a boundary
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connection
- To titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wants
- Showing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see them
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?
In this episode you’ll learn:
- How connection and protection can get tied together
- How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child
- The science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your life
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
- Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationship
- How to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperation
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner world
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's environment
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the relationship
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
- What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}
- Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}
- Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
- Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseries
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That even oppositional behaviors make total sense
- Spending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the body
- Changing the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety is
- The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection or Protection {Ep 7}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between.
In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How availability of connection is a cue of safety or danger
- How neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)
- Why nervous systems are contagious
- How ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safety
- How you can increase your own experience of safety even when you are parenting children in stuck in chronic procession mode
Download a multi-page infographic all about felt safety: RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Influence Behaviors, Not Control {Ep 101}
- Amanda Diekman’s Book! - Low-Demand Parenting
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetybetween
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- External (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demands
- What we do with this information
Free Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Marti’s Book! - The Connected Therapist
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyoutside
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation.
FREE Downloadable Infographic all about Felt Safety! RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinfographic
This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety.
What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters!
Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner world.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- Internal cues of felt safety, such as hunger, illness, or being in chronic protection mode
- What we do with this information
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Focus On the Nervous System to Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Connection or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Enabling Vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinside
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes.
I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic.
Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)
- What kind of boundary you need if you have a child who struggles with verbal aggression (psychological boundary!)
- What’s driving oppositional behavior (and therefore, what do we need to focus on to change it)
- What types of experiences lead to parenting becoming traumatic
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Free Resource Hub RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/5tips
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely.
Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much - and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why refusing to talk about hard things isn’t defiance—it’s protection
- What’s happening in the brain when a child remembers something painful or shame-filled
- How to scaffold conversations about mistakes using stories, characters, and your own modeling
- The difference between avoiding hard conversations from connection mode versus protection mode
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutmistakes
Immersion Program for Professionals!
The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Does your child get stuck in “buy me, buy me, buy me!” mode? Or maybe they melt down when they can’t have what they want right now?
I know it seems selfish, manipulative, or even bratty- but we want to put on our x-ray vision goggles and get curious about WHY.
In this episode, we’ll unpack why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance are Owl Brain skills.
You’ll learn how to grow your child’s capacity to wait, tolerate disappointment, and handle “no” without losing connection (and without losing your mind).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance depend on a strong Owl Brain
- How to make waiting concrete without turning it into a reward system
- Why connection and co-regulation- not consequences- grow real frustration tolerance
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/cantwait
The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface?
They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert.
Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like.
But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and contained watchdog energy, why some kids start holding everything inside, and how to help that “stuck” activation soften and move in safe, co-regulated ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why watchdog energy can go quiet and look totally still, even though it’s NOT regulated
- How to figure out what’s really going on underneath the “calm” exterior
- What to do when your child is a volcano on the inside, including simple movement-based strategies that help the nervous system come back into rhythm and relational safety
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/volcanoes
The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This episode originally aired in October 2024.
All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges.
Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change.
But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How all brains create reality
- The brain’s most important job
- The most effective path to take if you want to see behavior change
There is a free, one-page infographic that summaries the neurobiology of behavior in my Free Resource Hub! The infographic captures inside/outside/between, the stream of the now and the stream of the past, and 11 million bits of data.
Grab that infographic and more than 20 additional resources in the Hub!
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessense
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
https://RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not.
The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it.
As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The relationship between trauma and grief
- Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
- The role of self-compassion
- How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection.
But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control.
Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah?
But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm.
In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t integrating. They aren’t considering other people, or long-term consequences. They’re thinking, but they’re not connected.
In this Episode You’ll Learn
- Why calm doesn’t always mean regulated (and what’s really going on in those moments).
- How “clever” misbehavior can actually be protection mode — even when it looks smart or controlled.
- How a child can plan into the future- and still be in protection mode.
- What to do after the Owl Brain returns — how to hold accountability, repair, and make success inevitable next time.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Resources included in the blog summary go here
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/calculated
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!”
Sound familiar?
I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinking
- How Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and instead create defensive, blame-shifting language
- Simple ways to grow your child’s capacity for responsibility through connection, regulation, and safety, not shame
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All About Me workbook ($15 download on my website or FREE with your Club membership)
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/responsibility
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instability
- How relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices but entire worldviews
- Ways to respond—with compassion for others and yourself—when resistance shows up
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Parenting When Your Partner Is Not On Board {EP 146}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/resist
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent?
Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brains
- Why widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday life
- Practical ways you can help your child (and yourself!) expand the window through connection, playfulness, noticing the good, and self-compassion
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
- Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation {EP 82}
- Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}
- Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {Ep 161}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/windowoftolerance
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
- How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
- How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳
So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast.
Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respond
- What’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with their skills (sometimes they can, sometimes they can’t!) and why that doesn’t mean they’re being manipulative.
- How to make sense of your own baffling behavior (like yelling or doing the things you swore you wouldn’t do)...and a couple thoughts on what you should do about it (you won’t be shocked by my recommendations)
We’ll also celebrate the community this book has created and how the ideas in it continue to ripple out through parents, professionals, and kids all over the world.
If you’ve found something helpful in Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, I’d love for you to join the celebration by sharing your favorite takeaway, leaving a review, or gifting the book to a friend.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Resources included in the blog summary go here
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/happybirthday
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior
- Why understanding behavior is important
- What are our fears about understanding behavior
- What leads to behavior change
- The importance of compassionate boundaries
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Why co-regulation isn’t just for kids — it’s essential for parents too
- How predictability and cues of safety help you know where to find connection
- Why imbalance and grief in parenting make sense — and what to do with them
- How communities (even online ones!) can be powerful sources of connection and safety
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast:
- When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 3 {EP 158}
- When Connection Isn’t Safe- Oppositional Series Part 4 {EP 159}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/biologicalimperative
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment.
This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story.
We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that story (if needed).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why “story follows state” and how this helps us understand our children’s accusations, defensiveness, or “overreactions.”
- How to resist getting swept into your child’s dysregulation tornado, so you can hold onto compassion (for them and yourself).
- Practical ways to reframe behavior- like lying, defiance, and opposition- as nervous system responses instead of “badness,” and how that shift helps to rewrite their story…and why that matters.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/rewriting
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode.
In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why neuroception continuously scans for cues of safety and danger, and how that shapes whether we live in connection or protection mode.
- How to use the “inside, outside, between” framework to notice and intentionally increase cues of safety in daily life.
- The hopeful truth that cues of safety from relationships, pets, and nature can eventually be internalized—giving us safety that lives within us, always.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Felt Safety (Inside) {EP 161}
- Felt Safety (Outside) {EP 162}
- Felt Safety (Between) {EP 163}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicprotectionmode
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
What if dysregulation isn’t the problem?
I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me.
In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge.
But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a little more. Because- in your home- dysregulation is a real problem!!!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why dysregulation is a natural part of being human, and how polyvagal theory reframes it with compassion and hope
- The difference between dysregulation itself and the behaviors that can emerge from it
- How offering repair—even when it isn’t received—can create powerful shifts in your child’s nervous system and in your own
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope: Regulation, Repair, and Connection with guest Deb Dana {EP 233}
- The Club – my online parent community with resources, events, and connections!!!!
- The Attachment Series - eBook
- Free Resource Library
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/polyvagalhope
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Polyvagal theory isn’t just a theory- it’s a way of living that can transform how we show up for our kids, ourselves, and everyone around us. I’m SOOOO excited to introduce you to Deb Dana! Together, we explore how understanding our nervous systems brings hope, deepens connection, and makes repair possible even in the messiest moments.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Why polyvagal theory is truly a theory of hope and how it can reframe your parenting challenges.
- How to increase cues of safety and decrease cues of danger—for you and your child.
- The essential role of repair in building connection, even when your child can’t (or won’t) receive it right away.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/DebDana
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When kids swear, it often feels jarring, disrespectful, or even threatening. But swearing isn’t about defiance or being a bad kid- it’s a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system. Swearing might mean your child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or struggling to find their real voice.
Of course, understanding the behavior isn’t excusing the behavior. BUT! When we understand where the behavior is coming from, we get much better and more effective ideas about how to address it.
In this episode, we explore what’s really going on beneath the swearing, why it might be possible to consider that swearing isn’t inherently bad, and how parents can respond in ways that build regulation, connection, and felt safety.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why your own reaction to swearing is the first thing to explore, and how to regulate through it
- What swearing might really be communicating, including pain, overwhelm, or a need for control
- How to scaffold emotional expression so your child learns to use their real voice instead of cussing
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
-
- Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {EP 31}
- Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}
- Boundaries With Verbal Aggression with Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
- How I've Strengthened my Psychological Boundaries {EP 117}
- Match The Energy, NOT the Dysregulation {EP 155}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/swearing
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
I’m so excited to introduce you to someone who has deeply influenced my work- Deb Wesselmann! Deb is a pioneer in integrating EMDR therapy with family therapy for children with early attachment trauma. In this episode, we chat about how Deb (and her colleagues) developed her attachment-focused EMDR model, why slow bilateral stimulation is so effective for complex trauma, and what it really means to create a secure holding environment for both kids and their parents. We also talk about the importance of therapists and other helpers doing their own work in therapy.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why Deb’s model of attachment-focused EMDR has transformed how we support children with early trauma
- The importance of helping both parents and children process trauma for lasting healing
- How bilateral stimulation, safety, and co-regulation come together in this powerful family therapy mode
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Learn more about Deb Wesselmann and her work: https://debrawesselmann.com/
- Register for Deb's upcoming online training in Attachment-Focused EMDR: https://debrawesselmann.com/#emdr-therapy
- Stay tuned for Deb and Christine Mark-Griffin’s upcoming EMDR workbook for kids, releasing in 2026!
- Learn more about EMDR Therapy: https://www.emdria.org
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/emdrfamilytherapy
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t about being overly sensitive. It’s about a nervous system that experiences rejection as danger. In this episode, I explore RSD through the lens of relational neuroscience, attachment, memory, and regulation. Whether you see this in yourself or your child, this episode will help you understand why rejection feels so big, and what actually helps.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why RSD reactions are so intense and how they’re rooted in memory and nervous system states
- How attachment experiences shape our sensitivity to rejection
- What actually helps when RSD shows up (for you or your child), including co-regulation and self-compassion
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Trauma, Memory, & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
- The Neurobiology of Toxic Shame {EP 119}
- 1% Better Is Enough. {EP 166}
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/rejectivesensitivity
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Healing comes in all forms, including on farms, with horses, and of course, in relationship. My guest this week, Sara Sherman, is a graduate of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Professional Immersion Program and the founder of Dandelion NeuroRelational Family Services in Minnesota. Sara and I have a delightful chat about what it means to bring relational healing to kids and families and how we can (and must!) think outside the box.
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/neurorelational
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
{Replay of Episode 169 from March 2024} Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)
- The privilege of safety for folks with histories of trauma
- The privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and oppressed identities
- How this relates to parenting
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Mr. Chazz
- https://www.mrchazz.com/
- https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/
- Yolanda Williams & Parenting Decolonized
- https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized/
- What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/privilege
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the parent trying to co-regulate.
- How to offer a felt sense of safety and connection, even when transitions are rocky.
- Why parents need safe spaces and support when navigating systems that require co-parenting with an unsafe partner.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Rising Beyond PC! - Sybil's Website
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/coercivecontrol
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Part of why you keep listening to this podcast is for parenting tools and strategies, right?? So, what do we do when it feels like nothing is working?!
What’s really going on when parenting tools feel useless and you want to shout “THIS ISN’T WORKING?!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why parenting tools “work” when they come from connection, not protection
- What to ask yourself when it seems like nothing helps anymore
- How to know if your child’s needs have outpaced the support you can give on your own
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Your Nervous System is Fried Infographic
- Mini Pep Talk for When You Feel Like You're Failing {EP 220}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/tools
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
I know- sometimes it feels impossible to feel delight toward your child. I get it!
BUT! If you can find even micro-moments of delight, it can be very powerful for both you and your child.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- How is delight related to secure attachment
- The science behind why it’s sometimes very hard to find delight in kids with vulnerable nervous systems
- How to intentionally look for and pause in moments of delight
- Why delight doesn’t just help your child, but your nervous system too
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Titrating Connection- Oppositional Series Part 4 {EP 159}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/delight
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When your child’s behavior leaves you feeling confused, frustrated, or even hopeless, staying curious might be the last thing on your mind.
But curiosity is actually SO COOL! It’s both a parenting strategy AND a nervous system state.
In this episode, we’ll explore how to access curiosity, even when behavior makes no sense, and how that curiosity helps us find the path forward.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why curiosity is a sign your owl brain is online, and how to use curiosity to invite your owl brain back when it’s not
- A powerful question to shift your lens from “what’s wrong?” to “what’s needed?”
- How baffling behavior can reveal clues about what regulation, safety, or connection your child is missing?
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Not flipping your lid...when your kid flips theirs {EP 10}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/staycurious
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
When you're dealing with whining, hitting, defiance, back talk…well, of course you want it to stop. But what if behavior change isn’t actually the place to start? Not for long-term behavior change, at least.
In this episode, I explore why behavior change does matter, but why it’s not the first goal, especially for kids with vulnerable nervous systems.
HEADS UP! I’m not necessarily asking YOU- the one facing these out of control behaviors- to change your goal of behavior change. But…what if the people who are helping you could stay focused on that truth?!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why all behavior makes sense—even the baffling kind
- What happens when we shift from changing behavior to addressing the nervous system
- How holding two truths at once helps you feel more regulated, even in hard moments
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior - Webinar and eBook
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/BehaviorChange
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever freaked out at your child and then later thought, “Where did that come from?” Yup, that’s being triggered!
In this episode, we’ll unpack the neuroscience behind why we get triggered, what memory processing has to do with it, and how to find your way back to presence and connection.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The anatomy of a trigger
- What’s actually happening in your brain when the past takes over the present
- What to do next- how to help your owl brain come back and parent in the here-and-now
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
- Trauma, Memory & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
- Trauma, Memory, Behavior video series
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/trigger
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Why do kids sometimes - or a lot of the time! - suddenly act much younger…or sneakier?! In this episode, we use Dr. Bruce Perry’s concept of state-dependent functioning to reframe some of the baffling behaviors as signs of stress, not signs of defiance.
If you want to dive deeper into this topic, join us over in The Club. In June 2025, we’re having a masterclass all about behaviors and state dependent functioning- complete with a brand-new illustrated resource. If you’re hearing this episode in the future, the masterclass is stored in our on-demand video library and can still be accessed!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why regression and baby talk are symptoms of a nervous system in distress
- How lying and stealing are driven by survival states
- What it means when your child’s sense of time collapses and they can’t think about future consequences
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense Download
- The Club!
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/babytalk
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s "owl brain flew away"? Or do yoRu know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors?
In this episode, I revisit - briefly- what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it's such a helpful way to understand your child's baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down so the owl can return.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What the owl, watchdog, and possum brains really represent in your child’s behavior.
- How to recognize which brain state is in charge.
- Why our goal isn’t to fix the behavior but to offer regulation, connection, and safety.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
- Webinar and eBook - Focus on the Nervous System
- START HERE podcast
- Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors
- All Behavior Makes Sense infographic
- Owl, Watchdog, Possum fridge sheet packet
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/brainbasedunderstanding
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If you’ve clicked on this episode because you’re feeling like you're failing—at parenting, at keeping it together, at helping your child—I'm really glad you’re here.
Because first, I want you to know this: you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, whether your child has been impacted by trauma, or has sensory differences, or just has a brain wired a little differently, is extremely intensive parenting.
I created this episode so you can:
- Easily return to it when you need a ‘mini pep talk’
- Listen in a short period of time- I know I’m usually a little long-winded
- Be reminded as often as you need: this isn’t your fault. You’re not failing
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense infographic
- Episodes to listen to if you are in burnout
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/peptalk
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
If your kid refuses therapy, what other options are there?
Or maybe they don’t refuse therapy, but you’d still like to increase the therapeutic support for your child and family.
Here are 20 different non-therapy therapeutic supports based on Dr. Perry’s work of ‘moments of healing’ and experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory
Over on my website, you can download a handout that lists them all out (and was generated with the help of AI) so you don’t have to take notes!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Moments of Healing Podcast
- How the Brainstem Heals {EP 49}
- Equine-Assisted Trauma-Informed Psychotherapy {EP 51}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/therapeuticinterventions
Follow Me On:
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system?
No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website!
PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thoroughly. I’m certain there are many important questions left off of this list. I’m also certain there are many excellent trainings that I did not include in the list of potential trainings. Also, even if a therapist meets all the criteria, that doesn’t mean they are the right therapist for your family. Even someone trained with me isn’t necessarily the therapist or professional that is right for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Questions you can ask a therapist to get a feel for how well they conceptualize behaviors through the lens of the nervous system
- Red flags to pay attention to
- Trainings on a therapist’s resume that suggest they conceptualize behavior through the lens of ‘all behavior makes sense.’
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Questions to Ask a Potential New Therapist. Download by CLICKING HERE
- Trainings a therapist may have that suggest they conceptualize behavior through the lens of the nervous system. Download by CLICKING HERE
- When Your Child Doesn't Participate In Therapy {EP 86} (also has an infographic many therapists use to describe therapy to parents)
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/questionsfortherapist
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting.
Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?!
It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are.
And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’t want you to feel bad or even try to do anything different.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The difference between co-regulating and masking
- How doing something really hard (like co-regulating a child with a vulnerable nervous system day in and day out) means that YOU need more connection and co-regulation, too!
- That you don’t need to try to do anything different right now, it’s too much work to do anything different. In this episode, I’ll just ask you to notice- without judgment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/coregulatingormasking
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel 'on purpose' fit into this nervous system approach?
They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved.
But they certainly aren't behaviors of connection!!!
This episode will:
- Demystify 'on purpose' behaviors
- Remind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety...then strategize how to respond to those 'on purpose' behaviors accordingly
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel
When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills.
We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills!
This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation.
Remember that self-regulation can only develop with enough co-regulation. But once there is a strong foundation of co-regulation, we can encourage our kids to develop the skills to notice and change (when appropriate or needed!) their level of arousal.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The main ingredients of self-regulation- monitor & modify
- How to scaffold up to teaching kids to monitor and modify
- How to have appropriate expectations about your child’s ability to monitor and modify, even after they have learned the skills
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- The Whole-Brain Child - Dr. Dan Siegal
- No-Drama Discipline - Dr. Dan Siegal
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/ingredient
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Medical trauma can feel confusing because in many circumstances, we are seeking out the very medical interventions that our kids experience as traumatic.
Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Some kids experience trauma due to their time in the NICU. Some kids experience trauma at the dentist. Some kids experience trauma due to an emergency or accident.
Much of the time, parents feel helpless or even guilty for ‘causing’ the trauma.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How medical treatment can have a traumatic impact
- How to help kids make sense of confusing medical treatment
- A couple of ideas for how to help kids prepare for medical treatment
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/medicaltrauma
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Resentment. We’ve all felt it.
Very little about this parenting journey has gone according to plan.
We’ve done the hard work- the never-ending work actually - of rewiring everything we thought we knew about behavior, what it means to be human, how to parent, and how to have a family.
Some days we do it without a second thought.
Some days are full of resentment and anger.
You aren’t a bad person. But resentment feels bad!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The very important job that resentment does for you
- A message that resentment might be trying to tell you
- The importance of staying curious - and not shaming - about the feeling of resentment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Parenting is Traumatic {EP 95}
- Grief in Parenting Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems {EP 129}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/resentment
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior.
Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good.
If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior??
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What it might be signaling if you’re wondering if you’re rewarding bad behavior
- How to avoid unintentionally increasing the likelihood of dysregulation in the future
- Why it’s reallllllly important to offer connection, co-regulation and felt safety strategies when you are in connection mode
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {EP 144}
- Is It Time to Raise the Bar? {EP 207}
- Amanda Diekman - @lowdemandamanda
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/rewardbadbehavior
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
We talk a lot about hard very too hard for your kids (thanks Amanda Diekman for that hard vs. too hard language!).
But have you considered applying that concept to yourself?
This is intensive parenting! Far beyond when parenting is supposed to get less intensive, you’re still giving super-hero level scaffolding, supervision and co-regulation - and it’s a LOT!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to assess for when it’s just TOO hard- for YOU!
- The importance of making an owl-brain decision about things being too hard (or not)
- Ways to increase support at the same time as you lower demands for yourself
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand podcast
- Amanda Diekman - Low Demand Parenting on Instagram
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toohard
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
This BONUS episode is the audio from my FREE webinar, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior.
This webinar aired lived on 02/04/2025.
You can watch the video webinar for free over at https://RobynGobbel.com/webinar
You can also download the free, accompanying resources, including: eBook, fridge sheets about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum, all the slides as handouts, and some additional accompanying infographics.
:::
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
It’s very common to feel like our kids are either intentionally sabotaging good things or that they are purposefully setting us up to be mad or disappointed or to have to say no.
You aren’t imagining this phenomenon!
All humans do it, but our kids with vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors may seem like they do it more often.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The neuroscience behind WHY our kids sabotage situations or set us up to be dysregulated
- What they are really doing (and it’s actually full of hope)
- How we might respond differently that could actually change their brain
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Rupture Repair podcast episode
- Match the Energy not the Dysregulation podcast episode
- Regulated, not Calm podcast episode
- Brilliant of Attachment podcast series & eBook,which goes deeper into the concept of hope vs. expectation
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/setup
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
It took me a looooooong time to really truly believe and understand that- no one is coming to save me.
I had to do the hard work to take responsibility for my own triggers, my own nervous system, my own change. This only happened after oodles and oodles of safety, connection, and co-regulation.
Maybe you, like me, have held onto the hope that someone else will fix this. Your child will change, you’ll get the services you need, something will happen and everything will get better.
Maybe this journey through some of the intimate moments of my own healing journey can assist you on your’s.
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/saveus
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Rose LaPiere LPC, RPT-S, and ACS invites into a space of safety and connection so we can make room for grief. Rose brings her own experiences of grief to her work as a play therapist (and co-leader in Robyn’s immersive training program for parenting professionals, Being With) so she can bravely welcome in, and be with, her client’s big, at times overwhelming, feelings.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The importance of authenticity, naming, and acknowledge even really really hard feelings
- The role of playfulness is processing grief
- The importance of self-compassion for the grown-ups and therapists supporting kids and families in their grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Rose's Website! - RoseLaPiere.com
Read the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/griefinfamilies/
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
You’ve lowered stress and demands. You’ve reframed your child’s behavior as a response from their autonomic nervous system. You’ve worked hard to help your child’s stress response system rest and begin to heal
Now what?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How rest is only one part of the healing process
- The importance of reintroducing stress
- The difference between stress that prompts growth and stress that leads to injury and burn-out
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
- Scaffolding Felt Safety {EP 205}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/RaiseTheBar
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Jon Fogel is a dad who combined his passion for parenting, neuroscience, and impacting the world to create a viral social media account (@wholeparent) and then to publish his book, Punishment-Free Parenting.
Jon and I get lost in some pretty deep topics together, including
- How he helps parents make huge parenting shifts
- How parenting with punishment relies on a pretty pessimistic view of humanity
- Boundaries vs. Consequences vs. Punishments
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Punishment Free Parenting by Jon Fogel
- Jon’s Instagram: Whole Parent
Dive into these topics further on past Baffling Behavior Show episodes
- Boundaries Series (ep. 111, 113, & 115)
- Ep. 56: But what about a consequence
- Ep. 134 What if Trauma Informed Isn’t?
- Ep. 54: Has Trauma Informed Become another Behavior Modification Technique?
- Ep. 30: Trauma Behavior? Or just acting up?
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/punishmentfree
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
How do we help kids feel safe when they are safe? How do we help them take in the safety that exists in their life when their life experiences seem to have convinced them that nothing is safe.
Scaffolding. Yes, we can scaffold felt safety.
My recovery from a very serious back injury left me pondering the importance of felt safety in taking risks and the necessity of scaffolding felt safety.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The importance of relationship in felt safety
- How even felt safety must be scaffolded for folx who don’t have a lot of experience being safe in relationship
- How amazing it is that our hurt kids risk relationship at all, and how it makes sense that sometimes they won’t
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/scaffoldingfeltsafety
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Play makes kids stronger. It’s necessary for their physical and emotional development, and even their academic development. Play helps kids work through and make sense of hard things.
A few months ago I went searching for a resource that teaches parents some of skills I used as a play therapist because I am passionate about breaking down barriers and teaching these skills to as many adults as possible- not just therapists.
Tina Payne Bryson’s newest book (co-authored with Georgie Wisen-Vincent), The Way of Play, is exactly this resource.
It was a delight to connect with Dr. Payne Bryson and get a sneak peek into her new book, The Way of Play.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why play is so important
- The 7 Strategies in PlayStrong Parenting
- How to Bring Emotions to Life
- How to Make Yourself a Mirror
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Dr. Tina Payne Bryson’s website
- The Way of Play new book- preorder by January 20
- The Way of Play PreOrder Bonus Virtual Event Registration
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/wayofplay
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated?
This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do.
This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.”
It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How nervous systems match each other
- How we get our sense of safety from the state of each other’s nervous system
- The serve & return and rhythms of relationship, and what happens when that gets disrupted
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Self-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!
- When Parenting Is Traumatic {EP 95}
- Felt Safety (Between) - Part 3 {EP 163}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicallydysregulated
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
Have you ever felt confused by your child’s silly behavior? It seems like they are having fun, but it doesn’t feel good at all?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to tell the difference between fun-silly and dysregulated-silly
- What’s going on in the brain and nervous system for a child who is dysregulated-silly
- Practical ideas for how to support your child returning to regulation, connection, and felt safety
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- The Connected Therapist by Marti Smith
- Join The Club! Watch Marti's Master Class! - robyngobbel.com/theclub
- Marti’s video podcast & lycra tutorials: https://martiot.podbean.com/
- What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean? {EP 122}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/silliness
Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)
You aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else)
- A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are struggling
- Why having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goal
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Influence Behaviors, Not Control https://robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors/
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/notdoingitwrong
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The relationship between trauma and grief
- Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
- The role of self-compassion
- How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas? It's HARD. Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!! And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation. Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)
In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem. The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Not Flipping Your Lid in 4 Steps Infographic CLICK HERE
You can read a blog article that has all the steps written out here (sometimes it's easier to remember things in writing!): www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlid
If you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between.
In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How availability of connection is a cue of safety or danger
- How neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)
- Why nervous systems are contagious
- How ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safety
- How you can increase your own experience of safety even when you are parenting children in stuck in chronic procession mode
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Influence Behaviors, Not Control {Ep 101}
- Amanda Diekman’s Book! - Low-Demand Parenting
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetybetween Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- External (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demands
- What we do with this information
Free Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Marti’s Book! - The Connected Therapist
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyoutside
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation.
This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety.
What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters!
Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner world.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- Internal cues of felt safety, such as hunger, illness, or being in chronic protection mode
- What we do with this information
Free Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Focus On the Nervous System to Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Connection or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Enabling Vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinside
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Hey everyone, this is Alex, Robyn's son and podcast editor. To be 100% honest, we forgot to record a podcast for this week. Luckily, I have stepped in to fill the podcast void and to make my grand reveal!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What my voice sounds like!
- Why we didn't get a new episode out for y'all.
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grandrevealFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
We think a lot about how to lower demands for our kids, but in this episode we’re going to talk about how we can lower demands for ourselves, specifically during the holiday season.
Regardless of where you live in the world and what holidays you do or don’t celebrate, it’s hard to avoid the extra stress that comes in December.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to look at traditions or expectations and consider which ones to prioritize
- How to increase felt safety- for you and your kids- at holiday events, travel, or expectations
- How to set boundaries
- How to offer yourself compassion if setting boundaries feels really hard
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/lowdemandholidaysFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Living with someone with a vulnerable nervous system almost certainly leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells.
It’s that sense of not knowing what’s going to happen next, having to tread lightly, and being constantly at risk of making a misstep that will trigger the other person.
In today’s episode, we are going to break down the neurobiology of walking on eggshells and talk about what you can do to shift out of this pattern- even if you can’t change the other person’s behavior.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The neurobiology of that ‘walking on eggshells’ feeling
- How to consider the possibility of feeling safe when you are safe
- The impossible set-up our brain puts us in that leaves us stuck feeling like we are walking on eggshells- and what to do about it
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
- Gratitude For Our Watchdog & Possums Parts {EP 200}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/eggshells
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The
Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In this special 200th episode, we’re exploring how to bring compassion, curiosity, and gratitude to our kids’ (and our own) “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts as overworked companions trying their best to help us survive. With acceptance and understanding, we can help these parts rest and integrate, creating space for true change.
We also look at the unique challenges parents face, especially when dealing with intense behaviors, and how building compassion for these protective parts—not the behaviors themselves—can help us navigate parenting with more calm, empathy, and hope.
Believe it or not- over time, this practice of seeing our inner worlds differently can transform not only our lives but the lives of our children and our communities.
Main Takeaways:
- Recognize Protective Parts with Compassion: Our “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts, which are defensive instincts, need compassion and gratitude, not elimination. Understanding these parts as overworked rather than problematic can lead to healthier integration and self-acceptance.
- Parenting from Compassionate Curiosity: Challenging behaviors in children can often lead to frustration. By developing curiosity and compassion for our kids’ protective parts, parents can respond with empathy and help these parts feel safe, which reduces the intensity of the behaviors over time.
- The Power of Community and Practice: Change takes time and commitment, and practicing compassion and gratitude—even in small amounts—can lead to significant transformations in ourselves, our relationships, and our communities. The journey is gradual, but even small shifts create powerful results.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- EVERYONE Has A Watchdog and Possum Brain! {EP 178}
- All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/gratitudeFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
The brain is the brain is the brain. All behaviors have their origin in the brain. But for some behaviors, it is easy to lose sight of this important truth.
Behaviors that would be easy to label as manipulative or controlling or selfish just feel so personal! But if we can remember that even relational skills are brain-based skills, we can reclaim our empathy, set boundaries, and offer the scaffolding or accommodations necessary to help our child be successful.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to break down relational skills as brain-based skills
- How to scaffold or accommodate relational brain-based skills
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- NEW!!!! Brain-First Parenting Podcast! With Eileen Devine
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/relationalskillsFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connection
- To titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wants
- Showing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see them
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?
In this episode you’ll learn:
- How connection and protection can get tied together
- How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child
- The science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your life
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
- Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationship
- How to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperation
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner world
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's environment
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the relationship
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
- What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}
- Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}
- Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
- Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseries
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That even oppositional behaviors make total sense
- Spending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the body
- Changing the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety is
- The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection or Protection {Ep 7}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1
Follow Me On:Facebook
InstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges.
Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change.
But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How all brains create reality
- The brain’s most important job
- The most effective path to take if you want to see behavior change
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessenseFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
It’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not.
The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questions
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What The Club even is and why it’s different than other parenting communities
- What’s included in your Club membership (so much!)
- How easy it is to access and participate in The Club
- How easy it is to step away from The Club whenever you’re ready
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whatsintheclubFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is OPEN for new members from now until October 8, 2024 (until we reach capacity).
RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for all the details and to join!
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere.
You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever.
You might even be frustrated with yourself that you let yourself ‘relax.’
All of these experiences are completely normal for folks who love someone with a chronic condition that occasionally flares- which is what a vulnerable nervous system is.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The whiplash and why we feel it
- Why our kids seem to attack outta no where
- Why these moments feel like everything is as worse as ever- but it probably isn’t
- Why it’s GOOD we can finally rest, even if it does leave us feeling unprotected and whiplashed
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/whiplashFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is opening for new members October 1-8, 2024.
Read all about The Club at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub and sign up on the waiting list to be notified when it opens.
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If self-regulation doesn't really exist- then what do we mean when we talk about self-regulation? And why does it matter?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What self-regulation REALLY is
- How “self” regulation develop
- Why you should still teach self-regulation skills
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
- Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist!!! (ep 43)
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/selfregulationFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is opening for new members October 1-8, 2024.
Read all about The Club at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub and sign up on the waiting list to be notified when it opens.
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
We could never have too many ideas about how to cultivate connections between home and school. Author of Light Up the Learning Brain (and Riley the Brave) Jessica Sinarski shares practical ideas that can help parents and schools work together to support kids with vulnerable nervous systems.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Practical, easy-to-implement strategies to create connections between parents and teachers
- Why regulation is foundational for learning
- Where to find resources that support educators in creating a culture of compassion
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Light Up the Learning Brain
- Supporting Kids Who Struggle with Change
- www.BraveBrains.com
- Free Resources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/improvingconnectionsFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is opening for new members October 1-8, 2024.
Read all about The Club at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub and sign up on the waiting list to be notified when it opens.
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems is practically synonymous with “controlling.” Our kids are controlling and for most of us, if we were honest, we’d notice that the stress of parenting is causing us to get controlling, too.
Why?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why protection mode almost always leads to an increase in controlling behavior
- How controlling behavior is an attempt to find safety and connection
- Tips on how to offer co-regulation to a child who is attempting to control you
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Connection or Protection??? {EP 7}
- Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation {EP 82}
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
- Exploring Low-Demand Parenting: Shift Power Dynamics and Nurturing Trust {EP 142}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/controllingFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is opening for new members October 1-8, 2024.
Read all about The Club at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub and sign up on the waiting list to be notified when it opens.
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of-
“Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?”
Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode.
Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The difference between co-regulation and coddling
- Why asking this question helps us understand some of our fears
- What trust has to do with co-regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist!!
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/coddlingFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This episode originally aired on November 7th, 2023
Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?
They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk?
I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).
This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- The developmental milestones needed before a child can identify or talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain
- How we can use our kids’ behavior as cues/clues to let us know something about their brain development and what interventions are appropriate (clinical reasoning)
- The role of distress tolerance
- Steps to take to scaffold your child in developing self-reflection and mindsight, as well as decrease shame around their behavior
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {Ep 114}
- Healing Blocked Care With Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls {Ep 123}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwatchdog
Follow Me On:Facebook
InstagramOver on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This episode originally aired February 17th, 2023
I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses.
I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start saying things like “My watchdog brain made me hit my sister!”
In this episode, I:
- Outline the benefits of teaching our kids about their brain (there are lots)
- Teach you what to do if your child uses it as an excuse
- Recommend resources for how to teach your child about their brain
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Additional Resources:
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior Podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/changebehavior
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior FREE Webinar: https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
The START HERE podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/starthere
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
How to Teach Kids about their {Owl, Watchdog, and Possum} Brain online webinar
Thursday August 29, 8-9:30pm eastern time
Come Live or Watch the Recording!
RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidstheBrain for details and registration
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Does your child with a vulnerable nervous system say mean, hurtful, taunting, or aggressive things to your other kids? You already know you can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth, so what do you do??? How do you help your kids deal with their sibling’s verbal aggression?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Steps to help increase your children’s psychological boundaries
- Activities that will help your children increase their psychological boundaries
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Setting Boundaries That Sick - Juliane Taylor Shore's book!
- Boundaries with Verbal Aggression with Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
- Setting Boundaries That Stick With Juliane Taylor Shore and Therapist Uncensored {EP 185}
- Helping Siblings Understand "Unfair" Parenting {EP 186}
- Teach Siblings about Owls, Watchdogs, and Possums... Without Excusing! {EP 187}
- Grief as the Sibling of a Child with Special Needs {EP 188}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/siblingsverbalaggressionFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
How to Teach Kids about their {Owl, Watchdog, and Possum} Brain online webinar
Thursday August 29, 8-9:30pm eastern time
Come Live or Watch the Recording!
RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidstheBrain for details and registration
Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What on earth should you do when you have more than one child dysregulated at the same time? You’re outnumbered, you’re overwhelmed. Now what?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The #1 step to take when more than one kid is dysregulated
- What to prioritize
- How to have realistic expectations for yourself
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Child Always Dysregulated? Try This! {EP 18}
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
- Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {EP 144}
- Grief as the Sibling of a Child with Special Needs {EP 188}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/twokidsdysregulated Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If you are a regular listener here on The Baffling Behavior Show, big, baffling behaviors and big meltdowns are no longer surprising in your home.
Even if we can’t predict those moments of 'Back-Off or, 'Attack' Watchdog, "Shut Down' or, 'Play Dead' Possum, we can predict that it is going to happen again.
You can create felt safety for the other children in your home by making a plan.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Key things to consider when making a plan for what siblings should do during a meltdown
- Scripts for how to talk to your other children about the plan
- How to empower siblings to get help when they recognize lower level cues and clues of the watchdog or possum pathway in their sibling
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/helpsiblingsFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
I co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S
All Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems
You can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024
Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to validate all your children’s feelings, even when they are really uncomfortable
- How to acknowledge the truth that in most circumstances, your other children really are less seen in your family
- The four questions to ask yourself when thinking about how to help your kids with their grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Grief In Parenting Kids With Vulnerable Nervous Systems {EP 129}
- Ableism, Parenting, And Trauma Informed Care {EP 85} (Guest Marshall Lyles)
- I HATE YOU! And Other Big Feelings {EP 168}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/siblinggriefFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
I co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S
All Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems
You can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024
Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Steps to take when teaching siblings about owls, watchdogs, and possums so they won’t feel like you’re just excusing bad behavior
- The importance of validating your kids’ experience that the way you parent their sibling is unfair
- A couple scripts for talking to your children about their sibling’s watchdog and possum brain (available on my website by CLICKING HERE)
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Helping Siblings Understand "Unfair" Parenting {EP 186}
- Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {EP 114}
- My Child Won't Talk About Their Watchdog and Possum Brain {EP 160}
- EVERYONE Has A Watchdog And Possum Brain! {EP 178}
- Is Understand Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}
- Enabling Vrs. Low-Demand Parenting {EP 144}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/teachsiblingsFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair?
We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month.
In this episode, you’ll learn
* The five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parenting
+ Are you parenting all your kids thru the lens of regulation, connection, and felt safety?
+ Do all your children know about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some other way to understand the brain and conceptualize behaviors)
+ Do your school-age and older child understand vulnerable nervous systems and sensitized stress response systems (overactive watchdog and possum brains)
+ Do your children (siblings of kids with special needs) feel really, truly seen by you?
+ Is this actually more about unresolved grief (yours and/or theirs)
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
* Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}
* Stress Response System {EP 94}
* What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean {122}
* Grief in Parenting Kids with a Vulnerable Nervous System {EP 129}
* Can I teach my kids about their brain? {EP 114}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/unfairFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club will be open for new members July 9 -12, 2024!
To learn more about The Club, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
:::
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show!
This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore.
Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggression. This is one of my most played episodes EVER.
Juliane just published a new book on boundaries so when Sue and Ann asked if I wanted to do a podcast feed swap, I knew y'all would LOVE to hear from Juliane.
In this episode, you'll hear Sue and Ann interview Juliane all about Setting Boundaries that Stick.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Setting Boundaries that Stick by Juliane Taylor Shore
- Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley
- Boundaries with Verbal Aggression podcast episode #115 with Juliane Taylor Shore
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/boundariesthatstick
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others.
How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think?
In this episode, we’ll explore:
* Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receive
* How it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care LESS
* Three things we can do so that the judgment from others doesn’t impact us as much as it does now
For a script on how to set boundaries with folks expressing judgment, go to: https://RobynGobbel.com/notcare
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
* How Self-Compassion Changed Things For This Mom {EP 78}
* Influence Behaviors, Not Control {EP 101}
* Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}
* Boundaries With Verbal Aggression With Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
* Secure Relating With Guests Sue & Ann From Therapist Uncensored {EP 175}
* Juliane's Book! : Setting Boundaries That Stick
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/notcareFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionals
June 25, 10-1pm eastern
Everyone receives the recording
https://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers
You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along.
Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up.
I think both approaches are fine. I just happen to like the science.
And yup, the science backs it up.
Acceptance really is needed if we want behavior to change.
I find this truth to both a bummer and also quite liberating.
How do we accept something without sending the message the it’s ok, no big deal, and there’s no need for it to change?
It’s hard, but possible. You’ll hear my own journey toward this truth and a couple tips on how to do it yourself in this episode.
Read a long summary of this episode here: https://robyngobbel.com/howbehaviorchanges
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionals
June 25, 10-1pm eastern
Everyone receives the recording
https://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Do the Watchdog and Possum pathway only activate in protection mode? Are they always protective?
NO! It is possible to have safe and connected Watchdog energy and safe and connected Possum energy!
Why does this distinction matter?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What safe and connected watchdog energy feels like
- What safe and connected possum energy feels like
- Why it’s important to remember we aren’t trying to get rid of the watchdog or the possum- we are trying to help them rest and only work hard when they need to
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Trauma Behavior? Or Just Acting Up? {EP 30}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/alwaysprotectiveFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionals
June 25, 10-1pm eastern
Everyone receives the recording
https://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?
If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.
The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece.
In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows our children to be successful. Then, slowly, thoughtful, and sequentially, we decrease the amount of external support needed as our children develop that capacity to be successful on their own.
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/Scaffolding
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionals
June 25, 10-1pm eastern
Everyone receives the recording
https://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada.
Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems:
There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can be OK.
In this episode, explore
- How to help create ‘good parent messages’ for children who feel unloved and unwanted
- Sitting with two conflicting feelings at once
- The benefits of falling in love with yourself
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Children’s Mental Wellness Symposium- Las Vegas NV
- September 26 - 29, 2024
- Details and registration here: https://lasvegasplaytherapy.com/
- Good Morning, I Love You by Dr. Shauna Shapiro
Read the full transcript at:https://RobynGobbel.com/NothingWrongFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Due to the already overwhelming interest in the 2025 cohort of Being With (yes, 2025!!!) we are going to open up the first round of applications only to folks on the waiting list. You must be on the waiting list in order have access to th early application process!
Sign up at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver. If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills. They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own. It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!
Humans never outgrow their need for co-regulation! We all need connection and co-regulation! Which is exactly why I've created The Club- a virtual community for parents of kids impacted by trauma!
CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members!
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Due to the already overwhelming interest in the 2025 cohort of Being With (yes, 2025!!!) we are going to open up the first round of applications only to folks on the waiting list. You must be on the waiting list in order have access to th early application process!
Sign up at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What’s the connected response to {insert difficult behavior here}??
How do I respond to {insert difficult behavior here} in a connected way???
I get some version of this question almost every day. So, let’s answer it here on the podcast!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What most parents are really asking when they ask ‘what’s the connected response’?
- What a connected response really is
- How to trust your own intuition to answer that question
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Resources included in the blog summary go here
Read the full transcript at: URL goes hereFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Due to the already overwhelming interest in the 2025 cohort of Being With (yes, 2025!!!) we are going to open up the first round of applications only to folks on the waiting list. You must be on the waiting list in order have access to th early application process!
Sign up at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!
All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
It’s normal and common for stress and dysregulation to cause kids to act younger than they really are. This happens to grown-ups too! Simply because it’s normal and common doesn’t mean it’s not very frustrating!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- A neurosequential explanation for regression
- How to use regression as a cue or a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system
- Ways to respond to regressed behavior that may increase regulation, connection, and felt safety
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Resources included in the blog summary go here
Read the full transcript at:https://robyngobbel.com/regression/Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Due to the already overwhelming interest in the 2025 cohort of Being With (yes, 2025!!!) we are going to open up the first round of applications only to folks on the waiting list. You must be on the waiting list in order have access to th early application process!
Sign up at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
I’m sure you often feel like ‘getting your kid regulated’ is a very important goal!
But- is it? Is regulated the goal? And is it possible to even consider these kinds of questions when we are parenting very dysregulated kids with very dangerous behaviors? In this episode, you’ll learn
- The difference between a moment of being regulated and having a regulated (balanced) nervous system
- How regulation and dysregulation must coexist
- Why thinking about any of this high-level stuff when you have REAL PROBLEMS TO REALLY ADDRESS can be helpful
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Regulated Does Not Equal Calm https://RobynGobbel.com/lisadion
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/regulatedthegoalFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Hey, if you listen to podcasts, you'll probably love listening to Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors on audiobook! Download it on Audible or wherever you get your audiobooks!
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Believe it or not, we don’t want to get rid of our kids’ watchdog and possum brains!
We want to help their watchdog and possum brain rest so they aren’t working so hard.
Their watchdog and possum brains are overworked and overactive.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why we must remember that everyone has a watchdog and possum brain
- How gratitude and acceptance of the watchdog and possum brain strengthens the owl brain
- We don’t want to get rid of our children’s watchdog and possums brains- we want to help them rest
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean? {EP 122}
- Connection Or Protection??? {EP 7}
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everyoneFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Hey, if you listen to podcasts, you'll probably love listening to Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors on audiobook! Download it on Audible or wherever you get your audiobooks!
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
When I work with parents whose child spends a lot of time on the possum pathway, I warn them that sometimes possum kids become watchdog kids before the finally have a nice, strong owl brain.
Because watchdog behaviors are often more intense and scarier than possum behaviors, this can feel like your child is ‘getting worse.’
It’s actually a sign of healing, and here’s why! In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why kids who have a lot of possum behavior can sometimes become kids who have a lot of watchdog behavior
- Why this phenomenon usually means there is progress and healing happening
- Why sometimes kids move from possum behaviors to owl behaviors without having watchdog behaviors
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/possumsbecomewatchdogsFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Hey, if you listen to podcasts, you'll probably love listening to Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors on audiobook! Download it on Audible or wherever you get your audiobooks!
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This episode originally aired on December 22, 2020, episode 8
:::
I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).
In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes. Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.
To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassion
The Club is open to new members now until Friday May 3!
The Club is a virtual community for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big, baffling behaviors.
Members receive support from each other, the opportunity to "pick Robyn's brain" and over 100 hours of video content.
Head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub to read all the details and join us!
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Is it possible to feel better even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change?
Even if the stress doesn’t change?
Theoretically, yes.
Your chronic watchdog or possum state means you are in chronic protection mode. Is it possible to shift out of protection mode before the chaos in your life changes?
That’s exactly what we address in today’s episode! In this episode, you’ll learn
- The two different paths you can take to feel better (come out of protection mode) even if the chaos in your life never changes
- The neuroscience behind how connection and co-regulation (for you!) becomes twice as important for your ability to stay more regulated even when things are really hard
- Resources to help you feel better (shift out of protection) that you can do by yourself, as well as resources that are based in connection and co-regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Connection Or Protection {EP 7}
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {EP 139}
- The Privilege Of Parenting With Safety {EP 169}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feelbetterFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This episode originally aired on September 20th, 2022
Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress
- The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response System
- How to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response System
- A reframe to shift your own Stress Response System
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/stressresponse/
Check out my recent series on Building the Foundation of the Brain mentioned in this podcast HERE
Over on my website you can find:Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
What Behavior Really Is: Video Series & eBook (FREE)
Brilliance of Attachment: eBook (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationships
- About the intersection of attachment and trauma in our systems of care- like the child welfare and mental health systems
- How much hope there is when we shift to looking at attachment in the here and now instead of based on our histories
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Ann and Sue's Podcast! - therapistuncensored.com
- Pre-order a copy of Secure Relating!
- Secure Relating Online Launch! - therapistuncensored.com/upcoming_events/
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/securerelating
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023
Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', often misconstrued in the mental health field, and venture into the science behind lowering demands - a strategy that can bolster your child’s stress response system.
In this episode you'll learn:
- The importance of being self-attuned to what's hard vs. too hard
- How to determine between lowering demands for your own comfort and doing it because it is genuinely too arduous for your child
- The difference between enabling/codependent behaviors and co-regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Connection or Protection??? {7}
What to do after We Mess up {80}
Stress Response System {94}
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/Enabling
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
I’m sure you’ve had moments (days, weeks, months) where it felt hard, maybe even impossible, to keep offering connection to your child.
It is hard to offer connection to someone who seems to constantly reject it!
If it feels hard to keep offering your child connection, I actually want you to shift your focus. Don’t prioritize offering connection to your child. Instead think about:
- Who can offer YOU connection?
- How can you offer connection to yourself?
- Who could you offer connection to who is able to receive it, and offer connection back?
You’ll also learn how glitter boots are related to giving and receiving connection!
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/offeringconnectionFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well, does that mean connected kids are always cooperative?
Definitely not! In fact, there’s a level of connection to others- and to themselves! - that invites in the safety to be UNcooperative!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How safety can invite both cooperative and UNcooperative behavior
- Why too much cooperation would actually be a bad thing
- How parenting with co-regulation and connection helps kids become more connected to themselves
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cooperativeFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This is NOT an episode about how to make your kid go to school.
What you WILL learn in this episode:
- What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA?
- Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpful
- You are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to school
- That sometimes, all we have to do is be nice
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Can’t Not Won’t by Eliza Fricker
- The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker
- The Educator's Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker
How to Connect with Eliza Fricker:
- Website
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/SchoolRefusal
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
The question of ‘can I heal’ or 'can my child heal' or ‘how do I (or my child) heal’ is a tricky one.
Healing is a word that gets used a lot without really pausing to ask ourselves what it actually means.
If we are aiming for a nebulous goal that hasn’t been defined, it will feel impossible to reach. Impossible tasks often feel hopeless.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why it’s most useful to stay focused on widening our window of stress tolerance
- How co-regulation contributes to healing
- How memory relates to trauma symptoms and healing
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
- Scaffolding Is A Form Of Co-Regulation {Ep 82}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {EP 155}
- Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {EP 161}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/healFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
*This episode originally aired on February 2nd, 2021*
Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting.
Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles? We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors.
Free Infographic:https://RobynGobbel.com/lyinginfographic
Read the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/lying/
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated?
This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do.
This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.”
It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How nervous systems match each other
- How we get our sense of safety from the state of each other’s nervous system
- The serve & return and rhythms of relationship, and what happens when that gets disrupted
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Self-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!
- When Parenting Is Traumatic {EP 95}
- Felt Safety (Between) - Part 3 {EP 163}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicallydysregulatedFollow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
*This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*
Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???
This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.
1. Food, water, and movement
2. Structure, routing, and predictability
3. Stick close
These may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!
Download a FREE infographic:https://RobynGobbel.com/dysregulatedinfographic
Read a full summary or the full transcript at: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulated
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
It’s very common for all humans- kids and adults- to have more behavior struggles and dysregulation. Kids with vulnerable nervous systems, as well as attachment trauma, are especially likely to demonstrate some confusing patterns with regard to where they are regulated and where they aren’t.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The neurobiology behind why it’s normal for kids (and adults) to behave better at school (or work or out shopping or wherever)
- How the connections in a family could be the trigger for dysregulation
- How all families tend to have moments that ebb and flow in dysregulation- this is normal
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- The Tragedy of Disorganized Attachment (Part 5 of 6) {EP 38}
- Stress Response System {EP 94}
- When Connection Isn't Safe {158}
Read the full transcript at:Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
*This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*
You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.
What if I told you it doesn’t matter?
Hear me out.
Why do you want to figure that out? Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.
But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.
What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?
And then respond to that!!
There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well. So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.
Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.
To view the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/traumabehavior/Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)
- The privilege of safety for folks with histories of trauma
- The privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and oppressed identities
- How this relates to parenting
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Mr. Chazz
- https://www.mrchazz.com/
- https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/
- Yolanda Williams & Parenting Decolonized
- https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized/
- What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/privilege
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.
The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.
The loneliness is traumatic. It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).
Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.
Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully welcomed, seen, and known. Friends, partners, therapists, support groups- face to face connections are life-changing of course, but the pandemic has taught us that even virtual connection changes the brain.
Undoing Aloneness is one of the primary reasons I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids impacted by trauma, and the professionals who adore them. CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members
Over on my website, you can also read and share a blog about Undoing Aloneness.
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Kids with vulnerable nervous systems often say BIG, hurtful, and scary words. They say things like “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” They sometimes threaten to hurt themselves- or you! Verbal aggression almost always pulls us right onto the watchdog pathway ourselves- which is understandable. Let’s talk about how you might respond if you’re able to hang onto your owl brain. In this episode, you’ll learn
- To stay focused on the level of activation, not the words being said
- What to say (if anything) back to statements like “I hate you,” “I wish you’d never adopted me,” or “I’m going to hurt you.”
- How to start listening for what’s really being expressed
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {EP 155}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/hate
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The relationship between trauma and grief
- Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
- The role of self-compassion
- How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Have you ever felt confused by your child’s silly behavior? It seems like they are having fun, but it doesn’t feel good at all?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How to tell the difference between fun-silly and dysregulated-silly
- What’s going on in the brain and nervous system for a child who is dysregulated-silly
- Practical ideas for how to support your child returning to regulation, connection, and felt safety
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- The Connected Therapist by Marti Smith
- Join The Club! Watch Marti's Master Class! - robyngobbel.com/theclub
- Marti’s video podcast & lycra tutorials: https://martiot.podbean.com/
- What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean? {EP 122}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/silliness
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. Not only do they not need us to be perfect, it would actually be bad for them if we were.
In fact, research shows parents are in attunement with their children about 30% of the time. 30%! That’s it!
When I teach, I often reassure parents that ⅓ of their interactions with their child are “getting it right.” About ⅓ of the time they are “getting it wrong” (whatever that even means- we all have our own, valid definitions). The rest? The remaining ⅓? Well ideally, the other ⅓ is spent in repair.
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/RuptureRepair
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Parenting ‘experts’ forget to tell you the most important thing.
All this advice???
You’ll never do it all the time or even most of the time.
You don’t need to.
That’s not the point.
Together - me and you - let’s just aim for 1% better.
Professionals- this one's for you, too.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- A parenting professionals #1 job is to trust their clients
- Aim for 1% improvement. 5% ‘getting it right’ is better than 4%!
- Professionals don’t need all the answers. They need to believe their clients and not give up
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Neuroimmune Disorders and Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
- Neuroimmune From The Inside Out {Ep 98}
- Loving Someone With Baffling Behaviors {Ep 99}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/enough
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What do I mean by vulnerable nervous system
- How to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous system
- What causes nervous system vulnerability
- How to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous system
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebook
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/vulnerable
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Sometimes it’s those lower-level, chronic behaviors- like rudeness and sassiness- that can really deplete the very limited reserves we have saved up in our own window of stress tolerance. Then we waffle between over-responding (big reaction, tiny problem) or under-responding (ignoring dysregulation which ultimately leads to increased dysregulation).
Kids in chronic protection mode often seem rude, sassy, and mildly oppositional. What do we do when it feels like every word out of our own mouths would be to correct our kid’s tone or disrespect?
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Where sassy, rude, and disrespectful language usually falls on the watchdog continuum
- Possibilities about what really be underneath your child’s rude behavior
- Times when it makes sense for our kids to have a what’s up watchdog brain response that we should respect, not try to change
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Boundaries With Verbal Aggression With Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/rude
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Understanding the difference between having influence over behavior vs. control can help you get clear on what to focus on.
One of the trickier parts of the work I do is talking so much with parents about attachment, their role in co-regulation, and felt-safety, without snagging into parent’s shame about every parent's deepest worry- that their child’s baffling behaviors are all their fault.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What it means to influence, not control
- What your real responsibility is in influencing behavior
- Responsibility does not equal blame
- How to acknowledge influence without shame
Read a summary or the full transcript at:robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If you’ve ever wanted to eavesdrop on a conversation between two attachment, trauma, and neuro-nerds, today is your chance.
Robyn and her dear friend and colleague, Jessica Sinarski, got together a few weeks ago for a live webinar to chat about how they have turned attachment science into practice.
If you missed that webinar, here’s your chance to listen in.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why most therapy trainings are inadequate for working with children with trauma and attachment histories
- How Robyn & Jessica learned how to put attachment science into practice
- What to do if your clients what a behavioral approach
- Why we don’t have to have all (or even most) of the answers
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Moving Beyond Trauma Informed with Jessica Sinarski
- Being With with Robyn Gobbel
- There might be more, I’m not sure
Read the full transcript at:https://robyngobbel.com/attachmentscience/
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between.
In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- How availability of connection is a cue of safety or danger
- How neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)
- Why nervous systems are contagious
- How ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safety
- How you can increase your own experience of safety even when you are parenting children in stuck in chronic procession mode
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Influence Behaviors, Not Control {Ep 101}
- Amanda Diekman’s Book! - Low-Demand Parenting
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetybetween Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- External (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demands
- What we do with this information
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection Or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Marti’s Book! - The Connected Therapist
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyoutside
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation.
This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety.
What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters!
Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner world.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Misconceptions about felt safety
- Internal cues of felt safety, such as hunger, illness, or being in chronic protection mode
- What we do with this information
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Focus On the Nervous System to Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {Ep 81}
- Connection or Protection??? {Ep 7}
- Enabling Vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinside
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is. Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence. But- what does that really mean? Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?”
Listen to the episode to learn:
- What regulation really is
- What co-regulation really is
- The ‘ingredients’ of co-regulation
- An example of in-real-life co-regulation (with an older child)
- Active vs. passive co-regulation
In this podcast, I mention:Is it really about trust? Or not enough co-regulation? Building the Tower of Self-Regulation
Regulation Does Not Equal Calm
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/coregulation
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Behavior is just what we see on the outside that tells us about what’s happening on the inside.
If we want to change behavior, we have to change what’s driving the behavior.
This approach to behavior change rests on the idea that regulated, connected kids who feel safe behave well. If you’re curious about how I came to that conclusion, you can watch my free masterclass and download the free eBook on Focus on the Nervous System!
How many times have you felt confused because of conflicting parenting advice?
Or how often has good parenting advice worked- but only some of the time?
That’s because parenting advice is aimed at stopping a behavior. But…
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/ChangeBehavior
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
I know it feels very frustrating when you find a therapist, arrange your schedule, and find a way to pay for therapy only for your child to not participate. Often parents ask me how to get their child to participate or what to do if their child won’t participate.
But actually what we really need to talk about is what does it look like to participate- or not- in therapy. Especially as a child.
In this episode, we’ll talk about
- What therapy really is
- What the right pace is for your child
- How it’s not possible for your child to not participate (if the therapist is prioritizing safety)
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on What Therapy Really Is!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary of this episode, access the full show notes: RobynGobbel.com/ChildInTherapy
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
No matter how much effort we put into understanding behavior, seeing our kids for who they truly are, and connecting with their infinite worth, for those navigating the baffling behaviors of kids who have experienced trauma, or have sensitized stress response systems and/or vulnerable nervous systems, parenting can be traumatic
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why the experience of trauma in parenting isn't being talked about
- The kinds of experiences that make parenting traumatic
- Signs of toxic stress and trauma in parenting
- Ways to get your nervous system what it needs to heal
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/parentingistraumatic
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Sometimes it feels like our kids have a hole in the bottom of their heart. No matter how much love and attention is put in, it seems like it’s never ever enough.
These kids cannot hold onto the feeling of presence and connection. When it’s there, it’s great. When it’s not, it’s like it was never there to begin with and they’ll never get it again. They don’t have a string that connects them to all the moments of connection they’ve had in the past and all the moments they will have in the future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What whining and clinging behavior means
- Why some kids seem like a bottomless pit of needs
- Steps to fill your child’s connection cup
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/BottomlessPit
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Understanding your child's Mental Models, a specific kind of Implicit Memory, can help you make sense of your child's behaviors and helps you know what experiences they need from you to change their beliefs about themselves, relationships, and their sense of safety in the world.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What a Mental Model is and how it influences our perceptions and behaviors
- How our Mental Models are developed
- What conditions can create Mental Models that contribute to big, baffling behaviors
- How we can change Mental Models
- How to discover your child's Mental Models
Read the summary or full transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels
Download a FREE worksheet to help you discover your child's mental models at https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels
Free eBookWatch the Trauma, Memory, Behavior video series and download the free eBook HERE or go to RobynGobbel.com/VideoSeries
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What if understanding memory science and the impact of trauma on memory processing would help our children’s behaviors make sense?
You know trauma impacts behavior, but there's a fascinating link between trauma and memory that will give you an even greater understanding of what's shaping your child's confusing behaviors. Understanding memory science helps you respond with more compassion, empathy and boundaries.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Complex memory science in a way that makes sense
- What happens when memory processing is disrupted by trauma
- Why disruptions in memory processing lead to difficult behaviors
- Clarity on what our children need in order to ‘jump start’ the memory processing system and ultimately decrease difficult behaviors
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at RobynGobbel.com/TraumaMemoryBehavior
Free eBookWatch the Trauma, Memory, Behavior video series and download the free eBook HERE or go to RobynGobbel.com/VideoSeries
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
When your child can't handle hearing 'NO' or gets really dysregulated when a boundary is set, it can be really hard on the whole family. Understanding the role of Frustration Tolerance in your child's reaction to hearing 'NO' can help you set them up for growing this developmental skill.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why some kids are delayed in developing this complex developmental skill
- The impact of trauma on frustration tolerance
- The role of mental models and memory processing in developing frustration tolerance
- How we can set our kids up to grow this developmental skill
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/frustrationtolerance/
To learn MORE about the possum pathway, grab this FREE infographic about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain! CLICK HERE to get it sent to your inbox!
Want to learn more about disappointment? https://robyngobbel.com/disappointment
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
A conversation with Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls, authors of Reclaim Compassion: The Adoptive Parent's Guide to Overcoming Blocked Care with Neuroscience and Faith about blocked care- what it is, what causes it, and how families can begin to recover.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is blocked care
- What are the symptoms
- How can you overcome blocked care
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Blocked Care Assessment: theadoptionconnection.com/parentingaftertrauma
- Website: Reclaimcompassion.com
- Book: Reclaim Compassion
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/blockedcare
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Looking for practical strategies to nourish a fried nervous system?
Living with someone who has significant vulnerability in their nervous system can lead to a sensitized stress response system, resulting in unpredictable and sometimes unsafe behaviors. This can leave our own nervous systems in a state of distress. While we often discuss secondary trauma in parenting kids with trauma histories, the truth is that living with someone who has significant dysregulation is trauma in itself. Understanding this perspective allows us to acknowledge the challenges we face without criticizing ourselves or others.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The impact of parenting on your nervous system
- The consequences of burnout and lack of support
- Signs of a fried nervous system
- Practical strategies for nourishing a fried nervous system
FREE
One-page PDF infographic- what to do when your nervous system is fried!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous episode recommendations:
- Connection vs. Protection (7)
- Self Compassion (8)
- Understanding Behavior is Not Excusing Behavior (109)
- Grief in Parenting Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems (129)
- Scaffolding (82)
- When Parenting is Traumatic (95)
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/fried
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What are psychological boundaries
- How do psychological boundaries help us
- Why good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressive
- How to create space between your mind and another's mind
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/
Juliane's boundaries course: https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/
Jules' Relationship Podcast : https://whydoesmypartner.com/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How boundaries can create physical and emotional safety
- How to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued development
- How to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffolding
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What boundaries really are
- How they are different than punishment and rules
- Examples of boundaries
- What to do when your child violates a boundary
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
THIS EPISODE IS A REPLAY
Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior
- Why understanding behavior is important
- What are our fears about understanding behavior
- What leads to behavior change
- The importance of compassionate boundaries
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/understandingbehavior
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?
They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk?
I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).
This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- The developmental milestones needed before a child can identify or talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain
- How we can use our kids’ behavior as cues/clues to let us know something about their brain development and what interventions are appropriate (clinical reasoning)
- The role of distress tolerance
- Steps to take to scaffold your child in developing self-reflection and mindsight, as well as decrease shame around their behavior
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {Ep 114}
- Healing Blocked Care With Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls {Ep 123}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwatchdog
Follow Me On:Facebook
InstagramOver on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connection
- To titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wants
- Showing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see them
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?
In this episode you’ll learn:
- How connection and protection can get tied together
- How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child
- The science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your life
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
- Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
- Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationship
- How to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperation
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner world
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's environment
- Strategies for creating felt safety in the relationship
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
- What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}
- Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}
- Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
- Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseries
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2
Follow Me On:
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- That even oppositional behaviors make total sense
- Spending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the body
- Changing the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety is
- The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
- Connection or Protection {Ep 7}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1
Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
This latest episode unpacks the advanced parenting strategy of 'Match the Energy, but not the Dysregulation', a technique rooted in insights from polyvagal theory and interpersonal neurobiology. It’s a nuanced approach that requires resilience and patience, but when applied consistently, it can offer a remarkably accurate emotional mirror for your children and pave the way for improved connection.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- The advanced parenting strategy of ‘Matching The Energy, But Not The Dysregulation’
- To better identify how far down the Watchdog or Possum pathway your child is
- Advanced techniques and strategies need practice, you won't be an expert at them immediately
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Lisa Dion Podcast - Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
- The Club - robyngobbel.com/theclub
- Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/matchtheenergy
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
If you're thinking about joining The Club (between now and October 3), let me fill you in on some of the details!
In this bonus episode you'll learn:
- The real reason The Club works
- What you get when you join The Club
- Club bonuses
- How The Club could help your family
- How easy it is to leave The Club when you're ready
Check out all the details and register to join at https://RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Marshall Lyles is here with me today to help me reflect on the journey of bringing Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors into the world.
I knew Marshall was just the person to ask to help me with this. He asked questions I was so grateful to reflect on.
Thank you for witnessing this experience for me and allowing me to accompany your journey.
Book!!!-Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to order now!
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwriting
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
Happy happy birthday to Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors.
I wanted to celebrate with you! Y'all mean soooo much to me and resonating in the excitement of the book with you felt really important.
This episode contains a short reading from the book that I hope you enjoy!
If you've received the book already and have had a chance to read it, will you take a moment to leave a review on Amazon? Even if you didn't buy it there!
It's the #1 way to help Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors reach the folks who really need it. A lost, struggling, hopeless parent. An educator who is open to new ways of being in the classroom. A play therapist looking for a new way to be with parents and kids.
You can CLICK HERE if your podcast app lets you or just head to Amazon and search for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors.
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
The best way to love your child’s watchdog and possum parts is by loving your own.
Today, as I move toward wrapping up this writing-and-publishing-a-book chapter in my life, let’s talk a little more about the neuroscience of owls, watchdogs, and possums, why the science matters, and how my work has surprisingly become more about helping the grown-ups love their own owl, watchdog, and possum brains.
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors uses metaphor, story, and science to strengthen your owl brain (ventral vagal complex) and increase your window of stress tolerance. It is my hope that in reading this book, you will feel held by my owl brain.
Thankfully, I have owl wings wrapped around my watchdog and possum brain, too. You can read about those folks in my acknowledgments.
I have so many owls who have knit themselves into my neurobiology and strengthened my own owl self so that I can offer compassionate gratitude and nonjudgmental presence to you and your child.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- The science of the owl brain through the lens of Interpersonal Neurobiology
- The science of the owl brain through the lens of polyvagal theory
- The best way to strengthen YOUR owl brain
- How strengthening your owl brain is the best way to strengthen your child’s
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to choose from a variety of pre-order bonuses, including a signed copy or 20% off.
Free Resources! - robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/lovingyourwatchdog
Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!
For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!
Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.
6 CEs, including APT.
Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources
You’ve probably wondered how you can know the neuroscience of behavior and have a toolbox full of tools…and still struggle to actually USE those tools.
Most parents have the thought “If I know what to do, why aren’t I actually doing it???”
It’s not because you’re a bad parent.
It’s because you’re dysregulated, have a sensitized stress response system, and probably have some implicit memories that leave you vulnerable to being triggered.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- How very little of our behavior comes from conscious thought
- Why your sensitized stress response system leaves you vulnerable
- Why regulated, connected parents who feel safe parent the way they want to
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to choose from a variety of pre-order bonuses, including a signed copy or 20% off.
- When Parenting is Traumatic {EP 95}
- Beginning of the memory series: Trauma, Memory, & Behavior Part 1 {EP 90}
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/knowwhattodo
Follow Me On:FacebookInstagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors is available for pre-order until September 20, 2023!
Claim your pre-order bonus (either 20% off or a signed copy) by going to RobynGobbel.com/book
ALSO! Sign up for Pre-Order Bonus Retreat in Grand Rapids MI on September 29 at RobynGobbel.com/ToYou. Space is limited.
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Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Instead of responding or reacting to challenging behaviors, think about it as calming the watchdog or the possum brain. Once you understand how your child’s behaviors correspond to their level of dysregulation and lack of felt safety, you’ll be able to use strategies (for regulation, connection, and felt safety) that really work.
In this episode we’ll discuss:
- How challenging behaviors are the result of the stress response system
- Why some kids have sensitized stress responses that lead to baffling behaviors
- Strategies to calm the watchdog and possum brain
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to choose from a variety of pre-order bonuses, including a signed copy or 20% off.
Free Resources! - robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/calmwatchdogpossum Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Wondering how to tackle your child's baffling behaviors effectively? Join me as I share insights from my comprehensive framework, as well as practical tools and an understanding of your own nervous system. We'll break down how three elements interweave to address complex behaviors and also discuss the subtitle behind my book, "Brain-body-sensory Strategies That Really Work."
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Why the approach in Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors is an approach that ‘really works’
- Why Growing the Owl Brain is a more important place to focus than Responding to Watchdog and Possum Brain behavior
- The three things to address to Grow the Owl Brain
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to choose from a variety of pre-order bonuses, including a signed copy or 20% off.
Scaffolding Is A Form Of Co-regulation {EP 82}
The Connected Therapist by Marti Smith
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/growtheowlbrain
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Understanding what behavior really helps us:
- Stop playing behavior whack-a-mole
- Use strategies and tools that really work
- Stay more regulated so we can use our thinking brain to make good choices about what to do next
We’re going back to basics with today’s podcast episode with a short exploration of the neuroscience of behavior- especially the most baffling behavior.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Book pre-order/order: robyngobbel.com/book
Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whatbehaviorreallyis Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Are you wondering how to teach your child all about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain?
Come to the webinar on August 24th and I'll teach you- plus load you up with resources.
Can't make it live? Don't worry. As long as you register before it starts, you'll get the recording!
https://RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Are you struggling to find common ground with your partner when it comes to parenting? This episode will shed light on this common dilemma as we discuss understanding behavior, creating a support plan, and cultivating authenticity and honesty within the family. We'll explore the reasons behind resistance to paradigm shifts and dive into the intricacies of the owl, watchdog, and possum metaphor. You'll learn how curiosity and connection can bridge differences with your parenting partner, even when they seem insurmountable.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- The importance of addressing underlying issues and supporting your partner with parenting struggles
- How having different parenting styles or philosophies doesn’t mean you can’t be a successful partnership
- About tools needed to navigate these challenges and strengthen the relationship with your parenting partner
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Has Trauma Informed Become A Behavior Modification Technique? {Ep 54}
- What if Trauma Informed…Isn’t? {Ep 134}
- But- What About A Consequence?!?! {Ep 56}
- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
- Q&A! What Do I Do When My Kid Gets Stuck And Ends Up Flipping Her Lid? {Ep 74}
- Focus On The Nervous System To Change Beavior {Ep 84} (Podcast)
Free resources: robyngobbel.com/freeresources
Start Here Podcast Series: robyngobbel.com/startherepodcast
Book pre-order/order: robyngobbel.com/book
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/notonboard
Follow Me On:
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on
:::
Are you wondering how to teach your child all about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain?
Come to the webinar on August 24th and I'll teach you- plus load you up with resources.
Can't make it live? Don't worry. As long as you register before it starts, you'll get the recording!
https://RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Ever found yourself struggling to understand and support a child who simply doesn’t fit the mold? Dayna Abraham's way to Calm the Chaos might be just what you're looking for. Dayna's journey from being a sibling to a challenging brother, to teaching dysregulated kids, and then parenting a unique child herself, offers a wealth of wisdom and practical strategies. Dayna has taken everything she's learned from supporting her son and now helps struggling families all around the world.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- How Dayna’s personal experiences have led her to develop her Calm the Chaos framework for parents
- The importance of seeing kids uniqueness as something to be celebrated, not changed
- Why parents deserve exactly what our kids deserve- safety and connection and understanding
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Lemon Lime Adventures
Calm the Chaos Book
Calm the Chaos Podcast
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/CalmtheChaos
Follow Me On:Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Pre-order Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviorsand chose from a variety of different pre-order bonuses, including 20% off or a signed copy. RobynGobbel.com/Book will show you the different options.
:::
Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
:::
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', often misconstrued in the mental health field, and venture into the science behind lowering demands - a strategy that can bolster your child’s stress response system.
In this episode you'll learn:
- The importance of being self-attuned to whats hard vs. too hard
- How to determine between lowering demands for your own comfort and doing it because it is genuinely too arduous for your child
- The difference between enabling/codependent behaviors and co-regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Connection or Protection??? {7}
What to do after We Mess up {80}
Stress Response System {94}
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/EnablingVsLowDemand
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Ever wondered how to build resilience in children who have suffered trauma? Our guest for today's episode, Ginger, Program Director for the Attachment and Trauma Network, gives a fresh perspective on it. Ginger's personal journey is inspiring, and her experience as a former child abuse investigator, an adoptive parent, and a survivor of postpartum and postadoption depression has shaped her approach to helping others. She shares her road to recovery, and how she found her calling in assisting families and children dealing with trauma and attachment issues. In this episode you'll learn:
- Transitioning from traditional behavior plans to focusing on the child's nervous system
- The importance of an adult's role in creating safe spaces
- Practical co-regulation strategies for educators and parents
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Regulation and Co-Regulation: Accessible Neuroscience that Brings Calm into the Classroom
The Attachment & Trauma Network
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/BuildingSafeSpaces
Follow Robyn On:FacebookInstagram
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Professionals!!! Register for this once-a-year opportunity to train with me online.*Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers through the Lens of Relational NeuroscienceJuly 28, 2023, 10-12:30pm easternhttps://robyngobbel.com/reframingresistance*
**:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere**
Ready to dive deeper?**
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at
Professionals!!! Register for this once a year opportunity to train with me online.
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers through the Lens of Relational Neuroscience
July 28, 2023, 10-12:30pm eastern
https://robyngobbel.com/reframingresistance
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
What if I told you that there's a revolutionary approach to parenting that's shifting the traditional power dynamics and nurturing stronger relationships of trust and understanding? My latest conversation with Amanda Deakman, author of the groundbreaking book "Low Demand Parenting", explores this very concept. Together, we tread into the challenging terrain of parenting children with highly sensitive nervous systems, sharing insightful strategies and breakthrough research work of Ross Green, Mona Delahooke, and Stuart Shanker.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- What is low-demand parenting
- How to create a post-meltdown play for parents
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Low Demand Parenting- Released July 21, 2023
https://us.jkp.com/products/lowdemand-parenting?_pos=1&_sid=b80ccd227&_ss=r
For 20% off and free shipping, use code: BafflingBehaviors20
Find Amanda on Instagram: @LowDemandAmanda
https://www.amandadiekman.net/
Post Meltdown Plan for Parents on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctgv-B1OjtE/
Read a the full transcript at: https://RobynGobbel.com/lowdemand Follow Me On:
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Professionals!!! Register for this once a year opportunity to train with me online.
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers through the Lens of Relational Neuroscience
July 28, 2023, 10-12:30pm eastern
https://robyngobbel.com/reframingresistance
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
In this podcast episode, Robyn Gobbel interviews Sarah R. Moore, the author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior, and founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. Sarah was working a corporate job when as a new mom, a conversation with a pediatrician who discouraged her from responding to her baby's cries ignited a fire in her to research and understand the importance of responsive parenting. This experience led her to empower parents and caregivers by providing evidence-based information and support.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The basics of conscious parenting
- The importance of curiosity and grace
- Sarah's HUG process (Holding reactions, Understanding perspectives, and Granting grace
- The power of story teaching
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Sarah's book: Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior
Website: https://dandelion-seeds.com/
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/responsive
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Marna Pacheco, the creator of Capeable Weighted Products, started her journey due to the needs of her daughter. Marna's devotion to her family and her relentless pursuit of research led to the development of SmartWeight-Technology, a different approach to weighted products, wrapped up in a sweet little pink cape - the first Capeable product.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The Three C’s of Smartweight Technology
- Conform
- Compress
- Constant Contact
- How this innovation leads to such a positive impact on the nervous system
- How Marna was able to use her experiences to create change for thousands of kids and families
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Rising Tide Conference
- Capeable
- The Connected Therapist by Marti Smith
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/capeable
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Looking for practical strategies to nourishing a fried nervous system?
Living with someone who has significant vulnerability in their nervous system can lead to a sensitized stress response system, resulting in unpredictable and sometimes unsafe behaviors. This can leave our own nervous systems in a state of distress. While we often discuss secondary trauma in parenting kids with trauma histories, the truth is that living with someone who has significant dysregulation is trauma in itself. Understanding this perspective allows us to acknowledge the challenges we face without criticizing ourselves or others.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The impact of parenting on your nervous system
- The consequences of burnout and lack of support
- Signs of a fried nervous system
- Practical strategies for nourishing a fried nervous system
FREE
One-page PDF infographic- what to do when your nervous system is fried!
CLICK HERE to begin the download
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous episode recommendations:
- Connection vs. Protection (7)
- Self Compassion (8)
- Understanding Behavior is Not Excusing Behavior (109)
- Grief in Parenting Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems (129)
- Scaffolding (82)
- When Parenting is Traumatic (95)
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/fried
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The Club is opening our doors and welcoming new members starting Tuesday the 27th! Mark your calendar to go to https://robyngobbel.com/theclub.
The Club is a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education just for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big, baffling behaviors. 24-7 access, HUGE learning library, expert coaches, and amazing parents.
:::
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
An episode that explores the behavior of stealing and the underlying factors that contribute to it.
Stealing is a frequent concern among parents and professionals, yet there is a lack of comprehensive resources on the subject. The goal is to provide a single source that explores the behavior of stealing in depth, taking into account the underlying factors that contribute to it.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The underlying causes of stealing
- What to do about stealing
- What it takes to help your child be successful at not stealing
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous episode on the Stress Response System: https://robyngobbel.com/stressresponse/
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/stealing
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The Club is opening our doors and welcoming new members starting Tuesday the 27th! Mark your calendar to go to https://robyngobbel.com/theclub.
The Club is a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education just for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big, baffling behaviors. 24-7 access, HUGE learning library, expert coaches, and amazing parents.
An episode exploring the feeling of disappointment as an underlying cause of many baffling behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why and how we avoid feeling disappointment
- The neurobiology of disappointment
- Behaviors associated with avoiding disappointment
- The importance of embracing disappointment
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/disappointmentOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
An episode all about the evolution of the podcast and how the name change will reflect the vast audience of families with children who have baffling behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The origins of the podcast
- The huge impact of the podcast
- Why we're renaming the show
- Who the podcast is for
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
The Neuro Immune podcast series: http://RobynGobbel.com/NeuroimmuneSeries
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/bafflingbehaviorshow
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
You aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else)
- A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are struggling
- Why having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goal
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Influence Behaviors, Not Control https://robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors/
Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/notdoingitwrong
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
FREE Live Webinar & eBookFocus on the Nervous System to Change BehaviorJune 6, 2023 @ 1pm + recording + eBook
https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
We cannot be trauma informed without changing our beliefs about human behavior.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How staying focused on behavior is objectifying and dehumanizing
- Why we cannot heal vulnerable nervous systems with objectifying approaches
- How our culture sets parents up to believe good parents are in control of their kids behaviors
- How to begin deconstructing these beliefs so we can stay in our owl brain
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
- Has Trauma Informed Become A Behavior Modification Technique? https://robyngobbel.com/traumainformed/
- Influence Behaviors, Not Control https://robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors/
- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/trulytraumainformed
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
FREE Live Webinar & eBookFocus on the Nervous System to Change BehaviorJune 6, 2023 @ 1pm + recording + eBook
https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA?
- Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpful
- You are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to school
- That sometimes, all we have to do is be nice
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Can’t Not Won’t by Eliza Fricker
- The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker
- The Educator's Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker
How to Connect with Eliza Fricker:
- Website
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/SchoolRefusal
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
FREE Live Webinar & eBookFocus on the Nervous System to Change BehaviorJune 6, 2023 @ 1pm + recording + eBook
https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Healthy use and overuse when it comes to screen time
- Consuming screen time with mindful intentionality
- Helpful tips for transition time away from screens
- Power with instead of power over and having collaborative conversations
- What do we do now that the screens are turned off?
Screen Time & Mental Health SummitThe Bright & Quirky Screen Time & Mental Health Summit runs May 15 - 19.
CLICK HERE to register for FREE!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- The Good Life by Robert Waldinger
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brightandquirky
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brightnquirky/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/screentime
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
A deep and touching conversation with Carrie Contey, PhD. about the profound human work of being in relationship with another developing human and remembering their essence in the midst of challenging behaviors and chaos.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What does Carrie Contey mean by Knot Parenting
- What it is to be human and care for humans as they grow
- A bigger container for holding the work of parenting
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Website: https://www.carriecontey.com/
Podcast: https://www.carriecontey.com/podcast
Email: hello@carriecontey.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/carrieconteyphd
Instagram: @carrieconteyphd https://www.instagram.com/carrieconteyphd/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@carrieconteyphd
Freebies: https://www.carriecontey.com/resources
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/knotparentingOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Can you please talk more about blocked care?
This Friday Q&A is a follow up to Episode 123- Healing Blocked Care.
- If connection is a biological imperative, how can I be experiencing blocked care?
- How does blocked care fit into the owl, watchdog, and possum approach to the nervous system?
- What are some more tips for parents experiencing blocked care?
This is a Friday Q&A episode, where I answer a listener’s question.
Mentioned Resources:
- Healing Blocked Care episode: https://robyngobbel.com/blockedcare/
- Reclaim Compassion by Lisa Qualls and Melissa Corkum: https://www.amazon.com/Reclaim-Compassion-Adoptive-Overcoming-Neuroscience/dp/B0BW344WQ8
- Brain Based Parenting by Dan Hughes: https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Based-Parenting-Neuroscience-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393707288
- Start Here private podcast: RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Read the transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/BlockedCare2
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The relationship between trauma and grief
- Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
- The role of self-compassion
- How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Why does my child hate having their feelings validated?
In this episode, I talk about the top 5 reasons I see about why kids don’t like their feelings validated:
- It feels too vulnerable
- It feels intrusive
- You’re getting it wrong
- You’re on the watchdog or possum pathway
- They are too far down the watchdog & possum pathway
This is a Friday Q&A episode, where I answer a listener’s question.
Additional Resources:Regulated Does Not Mean Calm https://robyngobbel.com/lisadion
Toxic Shame Series https://robyngobbel.com/toxicshame
Has Trauma Informed Become another Behavior Modification Technique? https://robyngobbel.com/traumainformed/
Read the transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ValidatedFeelings
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
A conversation with Meredith Ethington, author of The Mother Load: Surviving the Daily Grind without Losing Your Ever Loving Mind about mental health and the mental load of parenting.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why authentic storytelling about parenting is so important
- Why being honest about mental health struggles in parenting matters
- How to hold space for our children's vulnerability and our own
- How the mental load impacts parents
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Meredith's blog: Perfection Pending
Meredith's new book: The Mother Load
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/motherload
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
What does this way of parenting look like with teens?In this episode, I:
- Reassure you that teens want to be parented with playfulness and connection, too
- Explore what’s hard about realizing we don’t have control over anyone’s behavior- including our teens
- Remind you that the behavior you want to see from your teen are all owl brain skills, so keep using regulation, connection, and felt safety to grow their owl brain
This is a Friday Q&A episode, where I answer a listener’s question.
Additional Resources:Parenting in the Eye of the Storm by Katie Naftzger
Brainstorm by Dan Siegel
How to Talk to Your Teen About Anything by Katie Malinski
Podcast episode with Katie Malinski: https://robyngobbel.com/talktoyourteen/
Read the transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ParentingTeens
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
For the mom and dad or grandma or grandpa or caregiver who is worried they are making things worse because of how they are parenting.
You have tried so hard to be the parent you want to be.
You have tried so hard to break cycles. To not parent the way you were parented.
And I’ll bet that sometimes, you end up parenting or behaving in exactly the way you are trying not to.
And maybe sometimes it’s actually really bad.
This episode is for you.
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ParentingFailure
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Should my child- who has a history of attachment trauma- be only doing family therapy? Or is it OK for them to do individual therapy?In this episode, I:
- Reassure you that this is a nuanced decision with no clear answer
- Describe when individual therapy might be most appropriate
- Describe when family therapy might be most appropriate
This is a Friday Q&A episode, where I answer a listener’s question.
Additional Resources:https://robyngobbel.com/childintherapy
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/IndividualOrFamilyTherapyOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
A conversation with Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls, authors of Reclaim Compassion: The Adoptive Parent's Guide to Overcoming Blocked Care with Neuroscience and Faith about blocked care- what it is, what causes it, and how families can begin to recover.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is blocked care
- What are the symptoms
- How can you overcome blocked care
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Blocked Care Assessment: theadoptionconnection.com/parentingaftertrauma
- Website: Reclaimcompassion.com
- Book: Reclaim Compassion
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/blockedcare
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What do I mean by vulnerable nervous system
- How to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous system
- What causes nervous system vulnerability
- How to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous system
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebook
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/vulnerable
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Part 3 of a 3 part series on toxic shame discusses how toxic shame heals and gives parents a map for how to be with kids who experience toxic shame.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- There is no technique or tool to heal shame
- What toxic shame really needs in order to heal
- The role of memory reconsolidation in healing toxic shame
- Why holding the truth for our kids matters
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Previous Podcast Episodes:Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Part 1
Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Part 2 (includes a F R E E download)
What Our Kids Really Need (and Us, Too): Moments of Healing
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame3
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Understanding how your child's - or your - behaviors protect against re-experiencing toxic shame and what it looks like will help you along the way to healing toxic shame.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What behaviors might you see that are related to toxic shame
- How and why behaviors protect us from re-experiencing toxic shame
- How Internal Family Systems helps us make sense of these behaviors
- How toxic shame can protect us from experiencing the grief of aloneness
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Ilyse Kennedy's book: The Tender Parts: A Guide to Healing Trauma through Internal Family Systems Therapy.
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame2
Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Understanding the neurobiology of toxic shame helps us understand how to begin to change this for our kids.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is the difference between shame and toxic shame
- What is the neurobiology of toxic shame
- How does toxic shame develop?
- Why do good things trigger shame for some people?
- Robyn's book is available for pre-order!!!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshameOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
The Club is currently welcoming new members and I know you have questions- questions that ultimately boil down to:
- Is The Club right for me and my family?
- How can The Club help?
I also answer very practical questions like:
- What’s Included in The Club? (so much!)
- How much direct interaction do I get with Robyn (lots!)
- Is it easy to quit when I’m ready? (YES!)
Welcome to the Friday Q&A series! I’m answering listener questions every Friday on the podcast.
For all the details about The Club and to join us, head to https://RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
Robyn shares her personal journey with strengthening her own psychological boundaries.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Robyn’s experience as a client in a therapy setting
- Allowing others to have their own emotional journeys without interfering
- Caring for your watchdog and possum brains with your owl brain
- The title for Robyn’s book coming out September 2023!!! Pre-order HERE
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Being With Directory: RobynGobbel.com/BeingWithDirectory
Parent Course Directory: RobynGobbel.com/ParentCourseDirectory
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Podcast with Juliane Taylor Shore: https://robyngobbel.com/boundaries3/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/myboundaries
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
My four-year-old is relentless in their demand for constant attention. But especially when I’m doing something like checking a text message, watching something on my phone, or talking to someone else- even just their dad! If I don’t pay attention immediately, he freaks out. How do I get this under control?
In this episode, I:
- Reassure you that the need for connection is totally normal!
- Describe the neurobiology processes that make a lack of connection feel like danger
- Recommend resources for how to help your child be able to tolerate disconnection
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Additional Resources:Scaffolding Podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/scaffolding
Bottomless Pit podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/bottomlesspit
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What are psychological boundaries
- How do psychological boundaries help us
- Why good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressive
- How to create space between your mind and another's mind
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/
Juliane's boundaries course: https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/
Jules' Relationship Podcast :
https://whydoesmypartner.com/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses.
I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start saying things like “My watchdog brain made me hit my sister!”
In this episode, I:
- Outline the benefits of teaching our kids about their brain (there are lots)
- Teach you what to do if your child uses it as an excuse
- Recommend resources for how to teach your child about their brain
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Additional Resources:
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior Podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/changebehavior
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior FREE Webinar: https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
The START HERE podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/starthere
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How boundaries can create physical and emotional safety
- How to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued development
- How to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
- Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffolding
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
"I’m so confused about the RAD diagnosis. My son’s therapist suggested it but everything I read online is scary and hopeless. Help!"
When parents get a diagnosis of RAD (or it even gets suggested!) they head straight to Google.
What they find is terrifying!
That's the problem with RAD as a diagnosis!
In this episode, I give a new framework for considering what's underneath the behavioral symptoms that lead to a diagnosis of RAD- and why this reframe is crucial to treatment.
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Additional Resources
Brilliance of Attachment eBook by Robyn Gobbel
Developmental Trauma Close Up by Beacon House (this is an EXCELLENT resource on Developmental Trauma)
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What boundaries really are
- How they are different than punishment and rules
- Examples of boundaries
- What to do when your child violates a boundary
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
:::
The early bird rate for the Neurobiology of Being With ends on May 2, 2023!
https://robyngobbel.com/neurobiologybeingwith
Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere
"Sometimes it feels like my child escalates and gets physical or has a tantrum- almost on purpose. Like- they want to get out of control. Is this possible?"It's totally possible, but it's not because they are manipulative or because they don't want to feel better.
Let me help this behavior make more sense to you so you can stay more regulated and present for your child during this baffling behavior.
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
See you next week!
Read the transcript: https://robyngobbel.com/dysregulatedonpurpose/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior
- Why understanding behavior is important
- What are our fears about understanding behavior
- What leads to behavior change
- The importance of compassionate boundaries
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/understandingbehavior
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
An episode of sharing, connecting, and reflecting on all the goodness and intensity of 2022, celebrating this community, and looking forward to the year ahead on the podcast and more.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The huge and impactful undertaking of Being With
- News about my upcoming book!
- What's been happening in The Club
- The most vulnerable thing I did in my business in 2022
- What's ahead for 2023
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Being With Directory: https://robyngobbel.com/beingwithdirectory/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/reflections
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
An interview with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker about empowering children to be the boss of their own stories and how to find therapists who can hold those stories with curiosity and resonance.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- We all get to decide how we want our stories to be shared, and why it's especially important for adoptees to have tools for responding to intrusive questions
- The powerful connection of finding a therapist who is an adoptee
- How to find the right therapist for your child
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Dr. Wirta-Leiker's book: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptees-like-me/
National Adoptee Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
Screening Questions: https://growbeyondwords.com/2015/08/screening-questions-when-seeking-an-adoption-competent-therapist/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/superpowers
Connect with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker here:Website: https://growbeyondwords.com/
Instagram: @growbeyondwords
Facebook: @BeyondWordsPsychologicalServices
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on May 18th, 2021*
What if I told you that calm isn't best? Calm isn't what we are working toward! And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap!
Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate! In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal.
On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher, creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, founder and President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, and host of the Lessons from the Playroom podcast. She is the author of Aggression in Play Therapy: A Neurobiological Approach for Integrating Intensity and is the 2015 recipient of the Association for Play Therapy’s Professional Education and Training Award of Excellence.
Lisa and I have a lovely time discussing the difference between regulated and calm, including the risks of pretending to be calm when we aren't. As parents and clinicians who care for kids with a history of trauma, it's important to negotiate ways within ourselves that we can be honest and congruent with our true experiences (maybe we are mad!) while still remaining regulated and offering felt-safety.
Wait what?! Regulated and mad?!?!
Yup. Regulated and mad. Have a listen to see what Lisa has to say about this!
You can find more of Lisa's work over at Synergetic Play Therapy Institue, including her book for clinicians, Aggression in Play Therapy.
To read the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/lisadion/Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*
You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.
What if I told you it doesn’t matter?
Hear me out.
Why do you want to figure that out? Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.
But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.
What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?
And then respond to that!!
There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well. So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.
Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.
I explore this in depth in today’s episode! If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
To view the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/traumabehavior/Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on May 24th, 2022*
There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is. Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence. But- what does that really mean? Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?”
Listen to the episode to learn:
- What regulation really is
- What co-regulation really is
- The ‘ingredients’ of co-regulation
- An example of in-real-life co-regulation (with an older child)
- Active vs. passive co-regulation
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/coregulation
In this podcast, I mention:Is it really about trust? Or not enough co-regulation? Building the Tower of Self-Regulation
Regulation Does Not Equal Calm
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This podcast episode originally aired on January 5th, 2021*
How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas? It's HARD. Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!! And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation. Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)
In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem. The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!
To read the full summary or the full transcript visit: www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlid
If you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on December 22nd, 2020*
I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.
- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.
- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).
In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes. Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.
To read the full summary or the full transcript visit: robyngobbel.com/selfcompassion
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on March 2nd, 2021*
Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?
Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill? Why can’t I keep it together?
Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good. But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelled at, isn’t life threatening?
If it isn’t life threatening, why does our brain go to attack mode?We talk about two reasons in today's episode:
- Decreased window of stress tolerance
- Implicit memory awakenings
I talk about a LOT of resources in this episode!
Blog articles:
- Finding Playfulness
- Self-Compassion
- No Behavior is Maladaptive
Read the full summary or the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/whydoigetdysregulated/Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on May 25th, 2021*
I'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon.
Everything seems great. Fun! Even laughter and real good times.
And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down.
Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation.
I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can open up compassion and keep us more regulated. Which then means we can respond instead of react.
In today's episode we are looking at the science behind why this happens.
It's science- not sabotage! Promise!
In this episode you hear me mention a F R E E three-part video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
If you are ready to take a deep-dive into parenting a child impacted by trauma through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety, you'll want to check out my self-paced, comprehensive, and all online digital course Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
Read a full summary or the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/goodtimesgobad/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
*This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*
Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???
This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.
1. Food, water, and movement
2. Structure, routing, and predictability
3. Stick close
These may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!
Read a full summary or the full transcript at: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulated
For an introduction to tracking arousal instead of behavior, read this blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/watchdogbrain or listen to episode 4
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online course: www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website! www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Ready to dive deeper ?
- The Club is an online community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. We open periodically for new members! Sign up on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
- Being With is a year-long training program for professionals. RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith
A conversation with Emily Daniels who has developed a trauma-informed training for schools that equips teachers to cultivate conditions for felt-safety in the classroom.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
* What's happening in schools now
* How felt-safety is different than what we usually think about in regards to school safety
* Why we should offer an abundance of cues of safety in this time of politicization and mass shootings
* Why it's important for educators to befriend their nervous systems first
Previous podcast interview with Emily Daniels: https://robyngobbel.com/regulatedclassroom/
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
* Emily's book and resources: https://regulatedclassroom.com/collections/the-regulated-classroom
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/regulatedclassroom2
Connect with Emily here:Website: https://regulatedclassroom.com/
Instagram: @theregulatedclassroom
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
An interview with Ilyse Kennedy, author of The Tender Parts about how parts work can help us build trust in how our inner system (and our children's systems) are unfolding and healing.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- About Internal Family Systems as a therapy modality and way of being
- Some of the language used to describe parts work
- How parts work can help parents
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Ilyse's book The Tender Parts
- Find on Amazon
Upcoming training
- Presence and Patience
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/tenderparts
Connect with Ilyse here:
- Website: www.movingpartspsychotherapy.com
- Instagram: @MovingPartsPsychotherapy
- Facebook: @MovingPartsPsychotherapy
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
A transnational and transracial adoptee, therapist and author of Being Adopted, discusses the importance of providing authentic representation and accurate reflection of the adoption experience
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The importance of providing an authentic mirror for little adoptees
- How we can allow parts of your child's spirit to breathe
- Why "fixing it" isn't the most powerful intervention
- How to reconcile when child hasn't had mirroring from their community
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Amy's book Being Adopted
- Find on Amazon
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/beingadopted
Connect with Amy here:
Website: www.growhealblossom.com
Instagram: www.growhealblossom.com
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Mindi Kessler, therapist and author of Cycle Breaker: A Guide To Transcending Childhood Trauma. talks about breaking general cycles of abuse and trauma
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What is a trauma reenactment
- How our children trigger our own childhood wounds
- Ways to begin healing ourselves
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Mindi’s new book, Cycle Breaker
- Find on Amazon
Emotional Freedom Techique
- Brad Yates on Youtube
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cyclebreaker
Connect with Mindi here:https://www.mindikessler.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mindikessler/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to talk with kids about tricky topics like
- Why they were relinquished for adoption
- Why they can’t see their family
- Why their family doesn’t want to see them
- Why their family has gone on to have a new family
Resources mentioned in this podcast:Marcella’s new podcast! Adoptees Dish
- Listen on Spotify
- Follow on Instagram
Robyn’s podcast series on memory
- https://robyngobbel.com/traumamemorybehavior/
- https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels/
Robyn’s eBook and video series on memory
- https://robyngobbel.com/course/traumamemorybehaviors/
Read a summary or the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/adoptiontruth
Connect with Marcella here:https://marcellamoslow.com
On Instagram at @marcellamoslow
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
Understanding the difference between having influence over behavior vs. control can help you get clear on what to focus on.
One of the trickier parts of the work I do is talking so much with parents about attachment, their role in co-regulation, and felt-safety, without snagging into parent’s shame about every parent's deepest worry- that their child’s baffling behaviors are all their fault.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What it means to influence, not control
- What your real responsibility is in influencing behavior
- Responsibility does not equal blame
- How to acknowledge influence without shame
Read a summary or the full transcript at:robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Applications and Registration for the 2023 Cohort of Being With close Thursday, November 10th.
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith for all the details, current student testimonials, and to apply.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
We talk about ‘being with’ our kids and each other and our clients.
But what does it mean to be with?
And why is it important?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What it means to 'be with'
- Why it matters
- What is require to be with
- The role of 'tools' in being with
Read a summary or the full transcript at:
robyngobbel.com/beingwithkids
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
This is episode 3 in a 3-part series on neuroimmune conditions.
Today I'm bringing to you a solo-episode about what it's been like to love someone and be in a committed relationsihp with someone who has big, baffling behaviors.
Last week, I introduced you to my husband Ed and he described his experience with chronic Lyme disease, nervous system dysregulation, and yes- big, baffling behaviors.
Those of us who love people with big, baffling behaviors have our own unique and oftentimes traumatic journey.
I know my journey is very different than yours, but I hope that there's moment or two in this episode where you feel seen and less alone.
Thank you for offering my family the felt safety to record these episodes for you.
Read a summary or the full transcript at:
https://robyngobbel.com/neuroimmunecaregiver
Resources
PANDAS physician network https://www.pandasppn.org/
Neuroimmune Foundation https://neuroimmune.org/
ASPIRE: The Alliance to Solve PANS and Immune Related Encephalopathies https://aspire.care/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Calling all Parenting Professionals!Do you listen to this podcast to support the work you do professionally with kids and parents? WELL! I have something perfect in store for you. A FREE five day audio-training called Become a Better Parent Coach. Register now at https://robyngobbel.com/betterparentcoach! One episode is already waiting for you and the rest will begin on October 24, 2022!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
I invited an adult with a neuroimmune condition onto the podcast to discuss his experience and provide listeners with some insight on what children with PANS/PANDAS and other neuroimmune conditions may not have the words to describe. This special guest happens to be my husband, Ed. This episode is part 2 in a 3 part series. Next week, you'll hear me discuss my experience as a caregiver.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What a child with a vulnerable nervous system may long for you to know, but doesn't have the ability to tell you verbally
- What kind of caregiver response really helps (sometimes)
- How the Dysregulation - Shame Cycle feels
Read a summary or the full transcript on my website: https://robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneinsideout
Resources
PANDAS physician network https://www.pandasppn.org/
Neuroimmune Foundation https://neuroimmune.org/
ASPIRE: The Alliance to Solve PANS and Immune Related Encephalopathies https://aspire.care/
Monster in Me Documentary: https://www.themonsterinsideme.com/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Calling all Parenting Professionals!Do you listen to this podcast to support the work you do professionally with kids and parents? WELL! I have something perfect in store for you. A FREE five day audio-training called Become a Better Parent Coach. Register now at https://robyngobbel.com/betterparentcoach! One episode is already waiting for you and the rest will begin on October 24, 2022!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
The first episode in a three-episode series on neuroimmune disorders and big, baffling behaviors. Even if you don't suspect neuroimmune disorders are impacting your family, I invite you to keep listening!
Today's discussion with Dr. Qazi Javed highlights the complex relationship between trauma, vulnerable nervous systems, baffling behaviors, and neuroimmune disorders.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Common symptoms
- When to get assessed- especially if your child has a history of trauma or other causes that could lead to nervous system vulnerabilities
- How to get assessed/how to find a provider
Resources
PANDAS physician network https://www.pandasppn.org/
Neuroimmune Foundation https://neuroimmune.org/
ASPIRE: The Alliance to Solve PANS and Immune Related Encephalopathies https://aspire.care/
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Calling all Parenting Professionals!Do you listen to this podcast to support the work you do professionally with kids and parents? WELL! I have something perfect in store for you. A FREE five day audio-training called Become a Better Parent Coach. Register now at https://robyngobbel.com/betterparentcoach! One episode is already waiting for you and the rest will begin on October 24, 2022!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
No one likes to feel manipulated. It feels gross and yucky and we instinctively want it to stop.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What manipulation really is
- Why children manipulate
- How you can help your child find their voice and decrease manipulation
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/manipulation
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is OPEN for New Members! Sept. 27 - Oct. 4, 2022!Come join this unique community of parents who get it. They get you and they get what it's like to parent a child with a vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors.
We're saving your seat :) https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
A short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of a social media post and a post I made in The Club a while back.
Loving someone who is held captive by toxic shame is so so hard. I hope this short episode gives you a little understanding of toxic shame and self-hatred, as well as a few practical ideas about how to be with a child who is stuck in a pit of toxic shame.
The Club On-Demand Video Library houses a three-part video training on the neurobiology of toxic shame.
The Club is OPEN for New Members! Sept. 27 - Oct. 4, 2022!Come join this unique community of parents who get it. They get you and they get what it's like to parent a child with a vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors.
We're saving your seat :) https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
No matter how much effort we put into understanding behavior, seeing our kids for who they truly are, and connecting with their infinite worth, for those navigating the baffling behaviors of kids who have experienced trauma, or have sensitized stress response systems and/or vulnerable nervous systems, parenting can be traumatic
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why the experience of trauma in parenting isn't being talked about
- The kinds of experiences that make parenting traumatic
- Signs of toxic stress and trauma in parenting
- Ways to get your nervous system what it needs to heal
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/parentingistraumatic
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
What Behavior Really Is: Video Series & eBook (FREE)
Brilliance of Attachment: eBook (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is OPEN for New Members! Sept. 27 - Oct. 4, 2022!Come join this unique community of parents who get it. They get you and they get what it's like to parent a child with a vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors.
We're saving your seat :) https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
A short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out.
Sometimes good parenting advice can actually leave us feeling more alone, isolated, and yes- hurt.
It's not bad advice. It's just not enough.
In this episode I mention my interview with Marshall Lyles about Ableism and Parenting, as well as my ow memes and reels (LOL- oh the irony) over on Instagram.
Read the transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/whenparentingadvicehurts/
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress
- The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response System
- How to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response System
- A reframe to shift your own Stress Response System
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/stressresponse/
Check out my recent series on Building the Foundation of the Brain mentioned in this podcast HERE
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
What Behavior Really Is: Video Series & eBook (FREE)
Brilliance of Attachment: eBook (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
A short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out.
New skills- like hoisting a kayak over your head or staying regulated in the face of utter chaos- take a lot of practice.
Sometimes shame gets in the way of continuing to practice, and I easily feel the tug toward 'it's too hard. I should give up...'
It is hard. Sometimes you need to rest. Sometimes you can keep going. Sometimes a kayak falls on my head.
You can read the transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/kayakonmyhead/
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Jessica Sinarski is a highly sought-after therapist, speaker, and change-maker. Extensive post-graduate training and 15+ years as a clinician and educator led her to create the resource and training platform–BraveBrains. She makes brain science practical, helping parents and professionals become healers for hurting children. She is the author of the award-winning Riley the Brave series, Hello, Anger, and more.
I asked Jessica to come on the podcast to talk about her newest Riley the Brave children's book and parent resource all about sensory processing challenges.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What our senses are (There's more than the 5 you learned in kindergarten!)
- How our experience of our senses impacts behavior
- Ways to empower your child to get their sensory needs met
Riley the Brave's Sensational Senses will be released on October 6th, 2022. You can preorder now through October 5th and receive special bonuses at https://www.rileythebrave.org/senses. You can also find Jessica at http://bravebrains.com/blog/ and learn more about her course for therapists at https://bravebrains.com/moving-beyond-trauma-informed/
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/senses
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
What Behavior Really Is: Video Series & eBook (FREE)
Brilliance of Attachment: eBook (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Not sure where to start? With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!
The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out. I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours. You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use!
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
When your child can't handle hearing 'NO' or gets really dysregulated when a boundary is set, it can be really hard on the whole family. Understanding the role of Frustration Tolerance in your child's reaction to hearing 'NO' can help you set them up for growing this developmental skill.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why some kids are delayed in developing this complex developmental skill
- The impact of trauma on frustration tolerance
- The role of mental models and memory processing in developing frustration tolerance
- How we can set our kids up to grow this developmental skill
Read a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/frustrationtolerance/
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
What Behavior Really Is: Video Series & eBook (FREE)
Brilliance of Attachment: eBook (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Understanding your child's Mental Models, a specific kind of Implicit Memory, can help you make sense of your child's behaviors and helps you know what experiences they need from you to change their beliefs about themselves, relationships, and their sense of safety in the world.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What a Mental Model is and how it influences our perceptions and behaviors
- How our Mental Models are developed
- What conditions can create Mental Models that contribute to big, baffling behaviors
- How we can change Mental Models
- How to discover your child's Mental Models
Read the summary or full transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels
Download a FREE worksheet to help you discover your child's mental models at https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
What if understanding memory science and the impact of trauma on memory processing would help our children’s behaviors make sense?
You know trauma impacts behavior, but there's a fascinating link between trauma and memory that will give you an even greater understanding of what's shaping your child's confusing behaviors. Understanding memory science helps you respond with more compassion, empathy and boundaries.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Complex memory science in a way that makes sense
- What happens when memory processing is disrupted by trauma
- Why disruptions in memory processing lead to difficult behaviors
- Clarity on what our children need in order to ‘jump start’ the memory processing system and ultimately decrease difficult behaviors
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at RobynGobbel.com/TraumaMemoryBehavior
Watch the Trauma, Memory, Behavior video series and download the free eBook HERE.
Over on my website you can find:
Video series and ebook Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
LEARN WAYS TO CREATE THE RESONANT RELATIONSHIP that invites client change (and keeps us out of burn-out)FOR THERAPISTS, CASEWORKERS, TEACHERS, & SOCIAL WORKERS.***(Really, anyone who works with people- kids, adults, & families!)
August 25, 2022- 2.5 hour online workshop. You don't have to attend live!**https://robyngobbel.com/meinwe*
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Laura Strohm, LCSW is a therapist, colleague and dear friend. If you are in The Club or Being With, you already know Laura is my right hand everything. I asked Laura to come on the podcast to discuss a profound post she recently made in The Club Forum about impossible questions, impossible situations, and impossible decisions. You know, the kind of decisions and circumstances that those of you who are parenting kids with histories of trauma, kids with big, baffling behaviors, kids with vulnerable nervous systems, are facing constantly. Laura's words resonated so deeply for me and also for everybody in The Club, I really wanted to share this with as many humans as possible.
In this episode, Laura and I discuss
- What it really feels like to face impossible questions, situations and decisions
- How connection helps us anchor and tolerate the impossible, even when there are no right answers
- The quality of grief and gratitude that can arise in those moments
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
LEARN WAYS TO CREATE THE RESONANT RELATIONSHIP that invites client change (and keeps us out of burn-out)FOR THERAPISTS, CASEWORKERS, TEACHERS, & SOCIAL WORKERS.***(Really, anyone who works with people- kids, adults, & families!)
August 25, 2022- 2.5 hour online workshop. You don't have to attend live!**https://robyngobbel.com/meinwe*
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Sometimes it feels like our kids have a hole in the bottom of their heart. No matter how much love and attention is put in, it seems like it’s never ever enough.
These kids cannot hold onto the feeling of presence and connection. When it’s there, it’s great. When it’s not, it’s like it was never there to begin with and they’ll never get it again. They don’t have a string that connects them to all the moments of connection they’ve had in the past and all the moments they will have in the future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What whining and clinging behavior means
- Why some kids seem like a bottomless pit of needs
- Steps to fill your child’s connection cup
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
LEARN WAYS TO CREATE THE RESONANT RELATIONSHIPthat invites client change (and keeps us out of burn-out)FOR THERAPISTS, CASEWORKERS, TEACHERS, & SOCIAL WORKERS
***(Really, anyone who works with people- kids, adults, & families!)
August 26, 2022- 2.5 hour online workshop. You don't have to attend live!**https://robyngobbel.com/meinwe*
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Selma Bacevac is a psychotherapist, author, and coach who specializes in helping Balkan women and parents heal from trauma and anxiety. She is an expert in healing parent/child relationships. You’ll love listening to Selma because she really just embodies secure attachment.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- What a brave space is
- How importance brave spaces are in parent/child relationships
- The inspiration behind Selma’s new children’s book
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/bravespace
Follow Selma on instagram HERE.
Buy Selma’s book, Adem and the Magic Fenjer, HERE.
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
LEARN WAYS TO CREATE THE RESONANT RELATIONSHIPthat invites client change (and keeps us out of burn-out)FOR THERAPISTS, CASEWORKERS, TEACHERS, & SOCIAL WORKERS
***(Really, anyone who works with people- kids, adults, & families!)
August 26, 2022- 2.5 hour online workshop. You don't have to attend live!**https://robyngobbel.com/meinwe*
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open! https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
I submitted my book on June 30, 2022 after 18 months of actively writing THIS book.
The story of this book actually starts with me writing another book in 2020. A book that isn't done but I do hope I'll finish and publish one day!
Writing a book was a lot and I really wanted to just process the whole experience with you.
And maybe you want to write a book and this episode will demystify the process for you a bit.
I hope you enjoy the episode :) Send me an email and tell me what you think!
In this episode, I mention Bethany Saltman who was on my podcast last year. Check it out here: https://robyngobbel.com/strangesituation/
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
I know it feels very frustrating when you find a therapist, arrange your schedule, and find a way to pay for therapy only for your child to not participate. Often parents ask me how to get their child to participate or what to do if their child won’t participate.
But actually what we really need to talk about is what does it look like to participate- or not- in therapy. Especially as a child.
In this episode, we’ll talk about
- What therapy really is
- What the right pace is for your child
- How it’s not possible for your child to not participate (if the therapist is prioritizing safety)
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Marshall Lyles is a therapist, author, poet, trainer, advocate, and thought-leader. Mostly though, he is a dear friend.
I asked Marshall to come on the podcast to talk about disability, ableism, and parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems.
I couldn’t possibly capture the beauty of my conversation with Marshall in a short summary. This is an episode you absolutely want to listen to in order to get the full impact.
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/ableisminparenting
In this episode, Marshall and I discuss:
- The definition of disability
- The definition of ableism
- Trauma Informed Care and ableism
- How ableism shows up in parenting kids with invisible, brain-based differences
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Behavior is just what we see on the outside that tells us about what’s happening on the inside.
If we want to change behavior, we have to change what’s driving the behavior.
This approach to behavior change rests on the idea that regulated, connected kids who feel safe behave well. If you’re curious about how I came to that conclusion, you can watch my free masterclass and download the free eBook on What Behavior Really Is.
How many times have you felt confused because of conflicting parenting advice?
Or how often has good parenting advice worked- but only some of the time?
That’s because parenting advice is aimed at stopping a behavior. But…
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience is a 2.5 hour workshop for professionals on July 19. Reframing resistance behavior will increase your confidence working with caregivers. Everyone who registers will receive the recording so you don't have to attend live. Head to https://robyngobbel.com/reframingresistance for details and registration.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
People pleasing is different from cooperation.
Cooperation = connection, no loss of autonomy, requires frustration tolerance
People Pleasing = abandoning self because it is too scary or uncomfortable to regulate through the rupture in the relationship.
People pleasing is a stress-response. It’s a behavior that the “Trickster” possum uses when the possum pathway is activated.
If you aren’t sure what I mean by possum pathway, check out this podcast/blog: https://robyngobbel.com/possumbrain
I also describe the owl, watchdog, and possum brain in my free eBook, What Behavior Really Is, which you can download HERE.
Some folks call this people-pleasing behavior “fawn.”
I call this “trickster” behavior.
Reframing Resistance: Supporting Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience is a 2.5 hour workshop for professionals on July 19. Reframing resistance behavior will increase your confidence working with caregivers. Everyone who registers will receive the recording so you don't have to attend live. Head to https://robyngobbel.com/reframingresistance for details and registration.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhD
This is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series.
The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain. It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord. The brainstem is the first part of the brain to really wire up, flourishing with neural connections. The brainstem is organizing and developing in utero and is working pretty effectively in healthy, full term infants.
The brainstem is responsible for all the things our brain and body does automatically- in fact, it's called the autonomic nervous system.
Heart rate, respiration, and most importantly in this Strengthening the Foundation for the Brain series- the regulation of energy and arousal in the nervous system.
It can be easy to overlook the relationship between energy, arousal, and behavior because we've been taught to believe the behavior is largely deliberate, intentionally, and something we do with a lot of thinking.
The brainstem is organized and regulated- healed- through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, somatosensory!
If you'd rather read the blog instead of listen on the podcast, CLICK HERE.
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
JD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent.
Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went!
JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do. Their tools weren’t working, the way that they were parented weren’t working, and he wanted to learn a different way.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, JD said “for the first couple years of shifting our parenting, it felt like we were running through a swamp.” It was just so hard to actually put the connected parenting ideals into practice.
JD bravely, boldly, humbly, and humorously shares his journey from spankings to being the co-host of a connected parenting podcast, working and supporting other parents who are also making the journey from punitive to connection based parenting both through the podcast and his work at Memphis Family Connection Center.
We're keeping it real here today, and I hope you love JD and his story as much as I do.
If you'd like to read a thorough summary of episode, CLICK HERE.
You can find the Empowered to Connect podcast here: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/podcast/ or simply search for Empowered to Connect wherever you listen to podcasts!
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Lacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect. Our messiness can meet each other’s messiness. We can welcome our kids’ messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it…even when it seems like nothing is working.
Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she experienced childhood trauma, including being a youth who was in out-of-home care as a teenager. Lacy wanted to come on as a person who offers hope for all the parents and professionals out there walking this hard path of caring for a child impacted by trauma.
Find Lacy and all the amazing work she is doing in the world at www.YesAndBrain.com.
There are so many more free resources just waiting for you over at www.RobynGobbel.com
Blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/blog
Free resources, including video resources on the impact of trauma: www.RobynGobbel.com/freeresources
While you are there, sign up to be the first to know when the in-depth, comprehensive brain-based and attachment-supporting course for parents opens for registration! www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
It's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness.
Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors. He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!)
There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode. It's long but you are going to want to listen to the whole thing.
Mark gives us a peek into his process as a parent coach and describes how he often sees these four themes emerge in his work with struggling parents:
1. Attachment and our drive for survival
2. How our emotions help us navigate our world
3. Defendedness
4. How parents show up- and specifically how they send cues of safety and connection to their children
There are a few tears, some laughter, and by the end you will understand by Mark's business is called Seen and Heard. Just listening to this episode will help you feel both seen and heard. Promise.
To learn more about Mark's work, head to www.SeenandHeard.coach. He offers a free 90 minute consultation for parents- no obligation to schedule any additional sessions.
There are so many more free resources just waiting for you over at www.RobynGobbel.com
Blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/blog
Free resources, including video resources on the impact of trauma: www.RobynGobbel.com/freeresources
While you are there, sign up to be the first to know when the in-depth, comprehensive brain-based and attachment-supporting course for parents opens for registration! www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
I'm introducing you to one more amazing mom this week (I introduced you to another amazing mom Thursday! Go check it out!)
This mom has given me the privilege of watching some pretty remarkable transformation happen as she practices being OK with exactly who she is.
And how that matters in her parenting.
I hope you love this special episode.
Many many thanks to my special guest :)
You can read the transcript over on my website: https://robyngobbel.com/selfcompassionforthismom/
The Club opens for new members May 31 - June 6th and we'd love to have you! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Today is your lucky day because you get to meet a pretty awesome mom.
A mom who might be a little like you- even if you're a grandma or a dad or a foster parent or a big sister or whoever you are.
A mom who is straight up with us right away that she knows it's very possible that her child will have possibly life-long struggles with regulation.
And even if that's true, there are still a lot of things she can do to make life easier or better or maybe just less hard.
I hope you love this special episode.
Many many thanks to my special guest :)
The Club is opening for new members again May 31 - June 6th and we'd love to have you. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?
If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.
The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece.
In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows our children to be successful. Then, slowly, thoughtful, and sequentially, we decrease the amount of external support needed as our children develop that capacity to be successful on their own.
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is. Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence. But- what does that really mean? Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?”
Listen to the episode to learn:
- What regulation really is
- What co-regulation really is
- The ‘ingredients’ of co-regulation
- An example of in-real-life co-regulation (with an older child)
- Active vs. passive co-regulation
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/coregulation
In this podcast, I mention:
Is it really about trust? Or not enough co-regulation? Building the Tower of Self-Regulation
Regulation Does Not Equal Calm
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
A Neuroscience Based Paradigm Shift for understanding...and changing...children's big, baffling behaviors!
What if I could de-code all your child's baffling behaviors for you, and simplify the problem down to three core areas: regulation, connection, and felt-safety.
That's exactly what this masterclass does!
I know that we all learn differently so I'm making my video masterclass, What Behavior Really Is, available by audio only AND in your podcast player. I looooove learning by podcast, and maybe you do, too.
You can watch the video of this masterclass, and download the FREE eBook, at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
And don't forget to share! Teachers, grandparents, baby-sitters, coaches- anyone who interacts with your child. You can give the masterclass to them in audio, video, or book form! YES!
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. Not only do they not need us to be perfect, it would actually be bad for them if we were.
In fact, research shows parents are in attunement with their children about 30% of the time. 30%! That’s it!
When I teach, I often reassure parents that ⅓ of their interactions with their child are “getting it right.” About ⅓ of the time they are “getting it wrong” (whatever that even means- we all have our own, valid definitions). The rest? The remaining ⅓? Well ideally, the other ⅓ is spent in repair.
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
The Club is welcoming new members May 31 - June 6! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub for all the details and to register.
The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them. https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Applications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ will open summer 2022. https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith
Today we wrap up this month's focus on attachment with my dear mentor and friend, Bonnie Badenoch.
Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT is a thought-leader in the relational neurosciences. When I think about her contribution to this emerging field of study, I think ‘integrator.’ Bonnie has helped us all feel into the many different strands that are woven together to become what we now call relational neuroscience- interpersonal neurobiology, affect regulation theory, polyvagal theory, memory reconsolidation theory, attachment theory, and more. Bonnie has taken the science and created space for clinicians to make meaning of how the science comes alive in us and in our work with clients.
Bonnie knows the science of relationships better than anyone I know, but more than that she knows relationships. She’s been an integral part of my own journey- without Bonnie there certainly would not have been this attachment series or the Brilliance of Attachment eBook.
Bonnie is the author of three books- Bing a Brain Wise Therapist, The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Work Book, and her newest book, Heart of Trauma. If you want to learn more about the amazing work Bonnie does in the world, head over to the website www.NurturingtheHeart.com
If you'd rather read a summary of the interview instead of listening on the podcast, you can head over to my blog https://robyngobbel.com/bonniebadenoch
You can download the F R E E eBook "The Brilliance of Attachment" at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Part 6 of 6 in the June series on attachment!
The part you've probably been waiting for: how does attachment change?
If you haven't caught the previous five episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.
In this episode, we look at
- How important it is to recognize insecure attachment as protective, trusting in the truth that things only change once we stop trying to make them change
- What was needed at the time- but not received- for each stream of insecure attachment
- How to meet that need now, creating a possible experience for that experience in attahcment to shift toward security
- The power of rupture and repair in shift toward secure attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Or even better!!! Go to my website right away and dowload the free eBook!!!
Yup!! I took this entire six part series and had it beautifully and professional designed into an eBook! You can download it, read it slowly, read it repeatedly- whatever you want.
Head over to https://robyngobbel.com/ebook to receive the free download.
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
**Possible Trigger Warning*Learning about disorganized attachment might feel overwhelming and bring up uncomfortable feelings. Listen in a place and at a time you can take breaks and seek regulation. Titrate yourself! Maybe read the article on the blog instead of listening to the podcast. www.RobynGobbel.com/disorganizedattachment* ***
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about disorganized attachment. If you haven't caught the previous four episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.
In this episode, we look at
- What happens when a baby's attachment system has them fleeing toward their caregiver when they are afraid, but the caregiver is who is causing the fright
- Why disorganized is disorganized- it's the only attachment 'style' that isn't organized
- The kinds of experiences an infant can experience as disorganizing
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Tomorrow we'll explore How Attachment Changes!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about insecure avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!
In this episode, we look at
- The behavior patterns that lead to avoidant attachment
- The attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with avoidant attachment
- Avoidant attachment impact on regulation
- The hope versus the expectation of avoidant attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Next week, we'll explore disorganized attachment!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about insecure anxious attachment.
Anxious attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!
In this episode, we look at
- The behavior patterns that lead to anxious attachment
- The attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with anxious attachment
- Anxious attachment impact on regulation
- The hope versus the expectation of anxious attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! In the next episode, we'll explore insecure attachment!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Here we are with the THIRD episode in this monthly focus on attachment!
Today is allllll about secure attachment.
85% of the time, a child’s attachment experience will parallel the working model of attachment of the principal person caring for her. ~Eric Hesse
Whoa. Well, if that's the case, the obviously we have to first talk about attachment in adults and caregivers.
In this episode we look at five characteristics of an adult with secure attachment.
Then we look at some of the characteristics of a child with secure attachment.
THEN we look at the inner working model that develops from secure attachment.
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Next week, we'll explore insecure attachment!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
June is allllll about attachment! We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."
Today- we are going back to basics.
Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.
In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.
We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.
We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:
- Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity
- Use the attachment figure as the secure base
- Flee to their attachment figure when afraid
Going Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure.
I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment. We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment. Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom.
Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.
Which did not happen.
Bethany remembers that she wasn’t patient with her daughter. She didn’t feel very loving toward her. And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother’s natural intuition.’ Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn’t figure out why.
So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.
Bethany’s exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn’t a checklist. Raising a child with secure attachment isn’t about breastfeeding or co-sleeping.
It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation.
I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!
You can find Bethany on instagram @Bethany_Saltman or on her website at www.BethanySaltman.com. Grab her book Strange Situation wherever books are sold but try to get it from your local bookstore ;)
Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn Gobbel!
Then head over to my website and get the free, 45 minute masterclass What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.
Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!
https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Dr. Mona Delahooke is an infant and toddler mental health specialist who weaves together the connection between behaviors and the nervous system. In addition to her direct clinical work with families, Dr. Delahooke has dedicated her career to bringing the science of behaviors and the nervous system to educators and parents.
Dr. Delahooke’s third book, Brain Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids, was released today, March 15, 2022.
In today’s interview with Dr. Delahooke, you’re going to hear about the three things she always takes into consideration when supporting a child with behavioral challenges:
- the child’s autonomic state
- developmental stage
- individual unique needs
But more than practical tips, what I’m most excited for you to hear from Dr. Delahooke is how much compassion she has for parents of kids who struggle.
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.
These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.
In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.
And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting.
It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need to be successful?" and then giving them that.
It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never frustrated or we always say yes.
It's about changing the lens on how we view their expressions of emotions and behaviors.
And yes- it's about setting boundaries that keep our kids safe and help their brains develop the internalized co-regulation (self-regulation!) they need!
In this episode, I reference a LOT of other episodes.
Has Trauma Informed Become a Behavior Modification Technique?
What’s Regulation Got to do With it
Focus on Arousal not Behavior
Connection can’t not work
We are Always Searching and Yearning for Connection
Felt Safety- what’s that?
Connection or Protection
What Behavior Really Is- free video series masterclass
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain- online digital course
This episode is a replay of an episode that originally aired on October 19, 2021.
I'm introducing you to one more amazing mom this week (I introduced you to another amazing mom last Sunday! Go check it out!)
This mom has given me the privilege of watching some pretty remarkable transformation happen as she practices being OK with exactly who she is.
And how that matters in her parenting.
I hope you love this special episode.
Many many thanks to my special guest :)
The Club opens periodically to new members- the next time is March 1 - 7, 2022! See all the details and join us over at https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
"I experienced post-adoption depression when my son was adopted as a newborn. Now he has some behaviors that make it hard for me to parent with compassion. How do we get out of this stuckness?"
This is such a brave and vulnerable and honest question. Thank you for trusting as well as trusting all my listeners to hold you and your son's pain.
Regular podcast listeners won't be surprised that I start off by talking about self-compassion! I have some thoughts about the important of everyone processing their grief, as well as how to support this parent's son is expressing authentic and valid feelings without being hurtful.
In this episode, I mention my free ebook on attachment: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February (yeah, yeah, I know today it's March!!!).
Even though this Fridays in February series is over, I'm leaving the Q&A voicemail line open! I'll release these bonus Q&A episodes occasionally, as questions come in!
Have a question? Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website. Easy peasy!
See you next week!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Ever wonder how to apply the concepts of felt-safety and attunement to one of the trickiest parenting experiences ever? Food and feeding kids with extreme picky eating, food preoccupation, or other feeding-related challenges that feel very stressful in your family?
This is exactly why I invited today's guest to the podcast!
Dr. Katja Rowell is a family physician in Washington State, the author of Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and Adults, Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating, and Love Me, Feed Me. Dr. Rowell is also the co-founder of Responsive Feeding Pros, an international digital learning platform for professionals working with feeding and eating challenges within a responsive framework.
Responsive Feeding is a feeding model that has been in the academic literature since 2011 and is recommended by American Academy of Pediatrics.
Dr. Rowell described Responsive Feeding as a model that ultimately helps kids tune into their hunger and fullness cues, while also recognizing and honoring that food is comforting and regulating.
Responsive Feeding is a model that is both high structure and high nurture, which ultimately allows for a lot of flexibility. Responsive Feeding prioritizes felt safety; it is never intended to be rigid. Responsive feeding is about attunement and helping caregivers respond to their child’s cues.
All of this sounds very familiar right? Attunement, felt-safety, high-structure, high-nurture.
I knew Dr. Rowell would be just the right guest to talk to my audience!
Dr. Rowell will be a guest in The Club in March, teaching a masterclass on Responsive Feeding! We'd love to have you join us! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
The Club is FINALLY opening for new members starting Mar 1! We've been busy building a new Clubhouse and moving our current Club members in. Our new home is easy to access in an app. There's a busy, active forum, a huge on-demand video library, and 3 or 4 live events a month. Get on the waiting list so you'll receive an email the moment we open for new members March 1-7 at robyngobbel.com/theclub
Today is your lucky day because you get to meet a pretty awesome mom.
A mom who might be a little like you- even if you're a grandma or a dad or a foster parent or a big sister or whoever you are.
A mom who is straight up with us right away that she knows it's very possible that her child will have possibly life-long struggles with regulation.
And even if that's true, there are still a lot of things she can do to make life easier or better or maybe just less hard.
I hope you love this special episode.
Many many thanks to my special guest :)
The Club opens periodically to new members- the next time is March 1 - 7, 2022! See all the details and join us over at https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
"My six-year-old gets stuck when things don't go as planned or the way she wants them to go. She'll flip her lid and it can take 30 minutes for her to calm down. Help! What do I do?"
In this Q&A we talk about our x-ray vision goggles, how disappointment can be a tricky feeling, and different ways to help our kids move through distressing moments, like Greg Santucci's "Change the Sensory Channel."
In this episode I mention these previous podcast episodes:
https://robyngobbel.com/notflippingyourlid/
https://robyngobbel.com/againstabehavioralapproach/ with Greg Santucci OTR
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Have a question? Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website. Easy peasy!
See you next week!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
We talk a lot about our kids' owl, watchdog, and possum brain.
But what about ours?
Let's talk about mine.
How I was almost convinced our moving company was a ponzi scheme plotting to steal all our stuff.
How I grow and strengthen my owl brain.
How my owl brain has been tested in the past couple months as my team and I move The Club.
The movers did not steal our stuff. They did do some extremely odd things but that's fine because they moved my stuff across the country.
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
"How do I help adoptive parents feel more empathy toward their child's parents so that their relationships can improve?"
I love this question. Thank you for calling it in, and thanks for even having it.
The answer takes a few twists and turns as I talk about grief, all feelings being welcomed, and believing in everyone's infinite worth.
Listen for the full answer as well as questions we can all ask ourselves to really do a self-inventory- have I created a space where all feelings are welcome?
Link to Kent Hoffman's Infinite Worth Ted Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9fHCrP8hZM
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Have a question? Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website. Easy peasy!
See you next week!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
*please don't listen to this episode when your child can overhear*
Most parents I know have had the thought “I do not like my kid.”
Parents of kids with big baffling behaviors, lots of dysregulation, and especially histories of attachment or relationship trauma have had that thought more than once.
Then they become paralyzed by the shame of having that thought. More than once.
They tell no one. Or if they do, it’s with a tone of both shame and horror at themselves.
In a way, I have found this self-shaming to be more significant in the parents who are drawn to my work. Y’all are parents who are committed to understanding what behavior really is and how to respond by increasing connection, co-regulation and felt-safety.
You’ll say things to me like “I know why my kid is struggling. I know why they act this way. It’s awful for me to feel like I don’t like them. I’m an awful person.”
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
"I've been listening to you since the beginning but I'm having such a hard doing the things I'm learning. What am I doing wrong?"
I have a feeling soooo many of you are nodding your head. Yup, been there. Yup, asked that question.
Here's the short answer.
You're doing nothing wrong.
Listen for the long answer (you know I have a long answer!) and also for ideas about what to do next. What are the steps to take to moving from knowing to doing?
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Have a question? Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website. Easy peasy!
See you next week!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Katie Malinski, LCSW is a therapist and parent coach in Austin, TX. I've been lucky to know Katie for well over a decade. In the last few years of my life in Austin, Katie and I could wave at each other from our offices because she moved in across the street.
Katie recently published her first book and I was thrilled she accepted the invitation to be on the podcast.
How to Talk to Your Teen About Anything
Katie organizes her book around 5 Key Skills for parenting teens:
- Active Listening
- Authentic Communication
- Non-verbal Communication
- Emotional Regulation
- Boundaries and Emotional Boundaries
Non-Verbal Communication
I enjoyed all of Katie’s book, and I was especially excited to chat with her about her chapter on non-verbal communication.
Katie does a great job verbally explaining non-verbal communication- which is really hard to do!
Get More of Katie
Sign-up for Katie’s email newsletter over on her website and get her 5 Tips for Better Behavior.
Katie has an infographic and video on The Arc of the Tantrum that I know you’ll love.
Katie is a therapist and parent coach in Austin, TX, offering virtual parent coaching sessions.
Connect with Katie on Facebook and tell her I sent you!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Come play with me LIVE in Northwest Arkansas. Two trainings for therapists.
Engaging the Body in Play Therapy (two-day training) and Creating Connections with Parents and Caregivers (one day training).
https://robyngobbel.com/trainings/
Ah yes. The dreaded flop.
When our kids are toooooo exhausted to do a request or a chore.
What do we do?!?!
Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As! I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.
Have a question? Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website. Easy peasy!
See you next week!
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Every day, I connect with parents in my inbox, in social media, in The Club who are struggling and confused by conflicting parenting advice.
Parenting kids with big baffling behaviors is nothing if it’s not extremely confusing.
And when experts give conflicting advice, it’s extra confusing.
Parent experts who only teach “what to do” don’t solve the real problem.
I know it might sound exhausting but the only person who can become an expert at your kid is you.
Learn from the experts. But learn the science of behavior. Learn the why.
When you know the why, when you understand what behavior really is and the science of safety, you’ll be able to figure out how to approach any behavior.
Read a long summary of this episode here: https://robyngobbel.com/nomoreparentexperts
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Sarah Bren, PhD is a clinical psychologist and mom to two little ones in upstate New York where she loves to work with new parents, especially parents who want to parent differently than they were parented.
Dr. Bren developed an interest in working with parents when she became a parent herself. She was learning about parenting and parenting models and realized that so much of what she was reading
This insight sparked Dr. Bren’s interest in working with parents with the goal of helping parents break generational patterns and hopefully reduce the number of adults who have to heal from their childhoods.
In this episode, Dr. Bren and I explore:
- What is secure attachment
- Is there a check-list? What is it?
- How do I work toward secure attachment with my child?
- Can I still do that even if my child is older or an adult?
- The importance of curiosity in secure attachment
Find Dr. Sarah Bren
Follow Dr. Bren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/
Listen to Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/category/podcast/
Listen to when I was a guest on Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/26-redefining-trauma-informed-parenting-how-parents-can-utilize-this-framework-for-all-children/
Check our Dr. Bren’s parent course: https://drsarahbren.com/tap
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers
You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along.
Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up.
I think both approaches are fine. I just happen to like the science.
And yup, the science backs it up.
Acceptance really is needed if we want behavior to change.
I find this truth to both a bummer and also quite liberating.
How do we accept something without sending the message the it’s ok, no big deal, and there’s no need for it to change?
It’s hard, but possible. You’ll hear my own journey toward this truth and a couple tips on how to do it yourself in this episode.
Read a long summary of this episode here: https://robyngobbel.com/howbehaviorchanges
Over on my website you can find:
Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Hear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision.
Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing). It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment.
In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray vision would tell us about our children and their behaviors and why it matters.
It matters. A lot. Seeing through behaviors to what's underneath is one of the most important skills you could have as a parent!
Since I'm not in charge of hanging out superpowers (yet) we'll have to settle for continued blogs, podcasts, and courses that help you put on your own x-ray vision goggles to see what's underneath your child's behaviors!
Would you rather read about X-Ray vision goggles? Head over to my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/xrayvision/
Wonder what all this talk is about Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety? Watch my free masterclass! https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Understanding the impact of trauma on memory will also help you put on your x-ray vision goggles for some of those most baffling behaviors! Check our my free video series and ebook: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Ready to dive deeper and practice putting on those x-ray vision goggles while also getting practical tools on how to create behavior change through regulation, connection, and felt-safety? Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive online parent course https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
What if I told you that calm isn't best? Calm isn't what we are working toward! And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap!
Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate! In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal.
On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher, creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, founder and President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, and host of the Lessons from the Playroom podcast. She is the author of Aggression in Play Therapy: A Neurobiological Approach for Integrating Intensity and is the 2015 recipient of the Association for Play Therapy’s Professional Education and Training Award of Excellence.
Lisa and I have a lovely time discussing the difference between regulated and calm, including the risks of pretending to be calm when we aren't. As parents and clinicians who care for kids with a history of trauma, it's important to negotiate ways within ourselves that we can be honest and congruent with our true experiences (maybe we are mad!) while still remaining regulated and offering felt-safety.
Wait what?! Regulated and mad?!?!
Yup. Regulated and mad. Have a listen to see what Lisa has to say about this!
You can find more of Lisa's work over at Synergetic Play Therapy Institue, including her book for clinicians, Aggression in Play Therapy.
If you loved this exploration into the neurobiology of regulation, you'll love all the free resources over on my website, especially my recent masterclass on What Behavior Really Is! You can grab this free video series at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
While you're over on my website, check out my virtual community for parents impacted by trauma- The Club. A member of The Club, who also happens to work with parents of kids imapcted by trauma, recently wrote to me and said: I’ve been working with families adopting children with trauma for almost ten years now, and it is the best thing I’ve seen in this community to give families access to the practical tools they need to parent their children, but even more importantly make them feel seen, loved, and supported by a community that truly understands their challenges and struggles. What you are building is nothing short of amazing.The Club re-opens for new members approximately every three months! We are waiting for you!
You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.
What if I told you it doesn’t matter?
Hear me out.
Why do you want to figure that out? Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.
But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.
What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?
And then respond to that!!
There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well. So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.
Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.
I explore this in depth in today’s episode! If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
This paradigm shift will change everything you know about parenting. Really, everything you know about being human! In my nine-module in-depth parent course, you’ll go further in the why behind behaviors and then I fill your toolbox with lots of idea on what exactly to do when faced with difficult behavior (as well as how to avoid them occurring in the first place).
www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can also sign up for the waiting list to come join me and hundreds of other parents over in The Club- a virtual community of connection and co-regulation for parents of kids with challenging behaviors- most families are parenting kids with a history of trauma.
www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas? It's HARD. Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!! And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation. Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)
In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem. The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!
You can read a blog article that has all the steps written out here (sometimes it's easier to remember things in writing!): www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlid
If you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Come join a community of parents committed to connection and co-regulation- not just with their kids but with each other!!! We need connection and co-regulation to parent the way we want to- just like our kids need connection and co-regulation. www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).
In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes. Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.
To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassion
To learn about The Club- a a virtual community of parents of kids who have experienced trauma will offer connection, co-regulation, and compassion to each other, visit robyngobbel.com/theclub
And to begin your journey into brain-based parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety with my free masterclass, head over to robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?
Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill? Why can’t I keep it together?
Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good. But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelled at, isn’t life threatening?
If it isn’t life threatening, why does our brain go to attack mode?We talk about two reasons in today's episode:
- Decreased window of stress tolerance
- Implicit memory awakenings
I talk about a LOT of resources in this episode!
Blog articles:
- Finding Playfulness
- Self-Compassion
- No Behavior is Maladaptive
The free video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behavior will take you further into understanding the impact of implicit memory on your kid's behavior AND yours!
robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Another awesome way to widen your window of stress tolerance is to come join the most amazing group of parents you could ever hope to find! It will decrease your sense of aloneness and increase your sense of connection and regulation- all of which will dramatically increase your window of stress tolerance! The Club is a virtual group for parents of kids impacted by trauma and is specifically designed to help you increase your window of tolerance so you can parent the way you want to! www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
I'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon.
Everything seems great. Fun! Even laughter and real good times.
And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down.
Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation.
I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can open up compassion and keep us more regulated. Which then means we can respond instead of react.
In today's episode we are looking at the science behind why this happens.
It's science- not sabotage! Promise!
In this episode you hear me mention a F R E E three-part video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
If you are ready to take a deep-dive into parenting a child impacted by trauma through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety, you'll want to check out my self-paced, comprehensive, and all online digital course Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
And of course- you heard me talk about The Club in this episode. Come snag your spot on the waiting list so you'll be the first to know when The Club opens for new members- we are waiting for you!!! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???
This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.
1. Food, water, and movement
2. Structure, routing, and predictability
3. Stick close
These may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!
You can check on the blog on this topic here: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulated
For an introduction to tracking arousal instead of behavior, read this blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/watchdogbrain or listen to episode 4
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online course: www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website! www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
As I sat down to prep this final podcast episode of 2021- I really paused and reflected on the question- what do you need?
What Do You Need?
What do you need in December? In a time of year that often involves increased dysregulation and chaos. There are more responsibilities this time of year. You might feel more pressure to have a family that looks or acts a certain way.
There are definitely more opportunities to enforce our own boundaries.
And almost certainly more opportunities to grieve that this isn’t life you imagined.
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Lori Desautels is an assistant professor in the College of Education at Butler University in Indianapolis. Dr. Desautels is especially interested in applying the social and affective neurosciences, including polyvagal theory, into the education setting. Dr. Desautels also spends two days a week in the classroom, currently with 7th graders, where she has the opportunity to be applying the concepts she is teaching to other educators.
Dr. Desautels remembers that even before she moved into academia or had the opportunity to be exposed to social neuroscience she had a lot of curiosity about what behavior really is. She’s always been on a quest to find out what is driving behavior (sound familiar?!).
Now equipped with the science of behavior, including the autonomic nervous system, she is tenaciously working to bring this science to classroom educations.
In today's episode, Dr. Desautels gives us a primer in:
- The brainstem
- Fight/flight/collapse behaviors
- How to help kids
- How to help adults
- Discipline versus punishment.
Find Dr. Desautles!
Dr. Desautels’ website: Revelations in Education
Her book: Connection over Compliance: Rewiring our Perceptions of Discipline can be ordered HERE on Amazon. The audio book is coming soon!
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
You might have met Jim Sporleder in the groundbreaking documentary Paper Tigers. Jim is the former principal of Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, Washington, where he led his team and ultimately his students on the journey of becoming a trauma-informed school.
The work Jim, his team, and his students did was so phenomenal that it inspired the documentary Paper Tigers. If you haven’t seen Paper Tigers, I highly recommend it. It is absolutely worth your time!
A New Lens on Behavior
Jim was inspired to shift toward a trauma-informed lens because he knew his school and his students needed something different. He attended a trauma and toxic stress conference in 2010 where he was exposed to a completely new paradigm on behavior.
“I always believed behavior was a choice,” Jim said.
He left that conference in 2010 with a new – and radically different - understanding of behavior. He said it felt like he was hit by a bolt of lightning; he knew immediately that his approach to discipline needed to change.
Connect with Jim
Watch Paper Tigers on iTunes by CLICKING HERE.
Watch Paper Tigers on Amazon by CLICKING HERE.
Watch Paper Tigers on You Tube by CLICKING HERE.
Find Jim’s consulting services by CLICKING HERE.
Jim is the co-author (with Heather Forbes) of The Trauma Informed School. You can find that by CLICKING HERE.
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Greg Santucci is an Occupational Therapist who has taken Facebook by storm with his bold, playful, and useful posts about working with kids- especially kids with regulation challenges. He currently works both in a hospital clinic and in the schools. Greg also has a consultation and training business where he gets to travel the country, training schools and occupational clinics in his ground-making model of working with kids through the lens of regulation and the neuroscience of behavior (sound familiar?!).
Greg has years of experience as a school-based occupational therapist and advocating for the respectful treatment of students.
Greg is vocal voice in the movement away from behavioral therapy, especially ABA. He is emphatically opposed to behavioral methodology and practices while at the same time, he never criticized the professionals who have worked from a behavioral model.
We know more now and we have to be brave enough to move past what we thought we knew. Greg Santucci
You will love this inspiring and fun episode with Greg Santucci while we explore a hard topic- shifting away from a behavioral approach- with compassion and joy.
You MUST go follow Greg on Facebook. If you're not on Facebook, you should create an account just to follow him, it's that good ;)
https://www.facebook.com/gregsantucciOT
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Julie Been is the executive of the Attachment and Trauma Network, a non-profit organization the supports the families of children with experiences of attachment trauma.
One of the resources ATN offers the community is the Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools conference.
In today's episode, Julie and I talk a bit about how the conference came to be and what you can currently find at the conference (which is offered both virtually and in person in 2022).
Julie also shares her go-to advice for parents who are struggling to get the services their child needs at school.
You can read a summary of the podcast over at: https://robyngobbel.com/traumasensitiveschools
Parents and educators can join ATN for free. CLICK HERE to see what ATN offers.
ATN also offers a podcast- Regulated and Relational- that Julie co-hosts with Ginger Healy.
The 2022 Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools Conference is open for registration and you can see all the details and register by CLICKING HERE.
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Is it possible to consider that the story we write about the experiences we are having are exactly that? Just a story? And that it's possible to re-write that story?
What about the story we write about someone else's behaviors and our reaction to those behaviors?
This week's guest, Emily Daniels, MEd., MBA, NCC, SEP in Training, is the founder of HERE this NOW, a trauma-informed education and consulting firm dedicated to bringing trauma-informed education into schools. She is the author of The Regulated Classroom, a guidebook for teachers to help them bring the science of regulation and the autonomic nervous system into their classroom, as well as the Educator Self-Care Toolkit, a collection of regulation hacks and sensory tools for educators.
Emily's superpower is obviously bringing a relational approach to what can be pretty heavy science - polyvagal theory and the autonomic nervous system. She's fun, relatable, and teaches the science in a way that makes sense and is actually useful and practical in real life.
The Regulated Classroom is organized into four classroom practices:
- Connectors- Practices that cultivate relationships in the classroom
- Activators- Collective rhythm-making exercises grounded in the theory of regulating the brainstem
- Settles- Practices to calm the body’s stress response
- Affirmations- Practices that encourage reflection, compassion, and recognition for self and others.
Emily is an absolute delight and you will love meeting her in this episode. She is leading the way in trauma-informed education practices with her focus on helping the teacher be regulated.
More of Emily!When you're done with this episode, you're going to want to figure out a way to bring Emily to your school district. But if you can't, you can order Emily's amazing resources online.
HERE this NOW (consulting and training services)
The Regulated Classroom Guidebook
Educator Self-Care Tool-Kit
Follow HERE this NOW on Facebook HERE.
Over on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
It's that time of year again.
Dysregulation is increasing, holidays are starting, and school is becoming a very hard place for our kids (and their teachers!)
Mid to late October begins a very predictable pattern of dysregulation in the families I work with.
It's one thing for this to happen at home, but it's probably happening at school, too.
Now what do you do?
Today's episode kicks of a series on Supporting our Kids (and their teachers!) at School and I have some pretty amazing guests planned for you.
When we find ourselves in the position of advocating for our kids at school, we get to use the same skills we use with our kids.
First- Regulate ourselves!
Next- Connect and use co-regulation skills (validate, language like "Of course you feel that way")
Third- Assure them you're on their team and have the same goals
Fourth- Offer to help without the help causing more stress (IE, don't send a 250 page book to read)
In this episode, I even give a sample script on emailing your child's teacher after some not-so-trauma-informed behavior management techniques have been used.
You can head over to my blog to get a copy of that script. https://robyngobbel.com/schooladvocacy
If you'd like to read a long summary of the episode, grab that at https://robyngobbel.com/schooladvocacy
NOW! Hit subscribe because there are some pretty amazing guests coming to the podcast in the next 6 weeks!
What if we could get better behavior by focusing on something completely different?
Dr. Nicole Beurkens is a holistic psychologist in Grand Rapids, MI who also has degrees and experience in education and nutrition.
Dr. Beurkens started her career in special education and soon found herself with a desire to work with kids, parents, and families in a deeper way than she was able to as an educator.
Through her work with families, as well as her own family, Dr. Beurkens became interested in nutrition and brain health, ultimately earning another master’s degree in nutrition so that she could incorporate nutrition health into her work with kids and families.
Go Beneath BehaviorDr. Nicole and I get pretty jazzed about the importance about looking waaaaay beneath behavior at a child’s physiology and how nutrition specifically impacts the child’s physiology. We agreed that attachment, boundaries, connection, all the things we are always talking about on this podcast are SO important…
And…If a child’s microbiome is out of whack, their gut health, is impaired or there are other physiological difficulties that are contributing to their behavioral difficulties, then there is very little change can be made until the physical challenges are addressed.
Listen to the episode for Dr. Nicole's ideas to take simple steps that make a big impact on nutrition and brain health, or read a thorough summary over on my blog here.
Get more Dr. Nicole Beurkens!
You can find Dr. Nicole
- On her website https://www.drbeurkens.com/
- On her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drnicolebeurkens/
- On Demand Digital Courses: https://www.drnicoleworkshops.com/
- On her podcast, The Better Behavior Show https://www.drbeurkens.com/podcasts/
- At her clinic in Grand Rapids, MI https://www.horizonsdrc.com/
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.
These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.
In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.
And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting.
It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need to be successful?" and then giving them that.
It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never frustrated or we always say yes.
It's about changing the lens on how we view their expressions of emotions and behaviors.
And yes- it's about setting boundaries that keep our kids safe and help their brains develop the internalized co-regulation (self-regulation!) they need!
In this episode, I reference a LOT of other episodes.
Has Trauma Informed Become a Behavior Modification Technique?
What’s Regulation Got to do With it
Focus on Arousal not Behavior
Connection can’t not work
We are Always Searching and Yearning for Connection
Felt Safety- what’s that?
Connection or Protection
What Behavior Really Is- free video series masterclass
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain- online digital course
JD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent.
Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went!
JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do. Their tools weren’t working, the way that they were parented weren’t working, and he wanted to learn a different way.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, JD said “for the first couple years of shifting our parenting, it felt like we were running through a swamp.” It was just so hard to actually put the connected parenting ideals into practice.
JD bravely, boldly, humbly, and humorously shares his journey from spankings to being the co-host of a connected parenting podcast, working and supporting other parents who are also making the journey from punitive to connection based parenting both through the podcast and his work at Memphis Family Connection Center.
We're keeping it real here today, and I hope you love JD and his story as much as I do.
If you'd like to read a thorough summary of episode, CLICK HERE.
You can find the Empowered to Connect podcast here: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/podcast/ or simply search for Empowered to Connect wherever you listen to podcasts!
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Trauma Informed Care was my introduction to a new model on behavior. A model that went past the behaviorist lens, a model that encouraged us to look way beyond the behavior and get curious about what was driving the behavior.
Trauma informed approaches aren't just good for kids with a history of trauma.
Truly being trauma informed means connecting with what it means to be human- and then understanding the impact of trauma on top of that.I’ve worried about-- and even gotten some feedback-- that I’m unintentionally minimizing the impact of trauma by first focusing on the neurobiology of being human.
Laying trauma-informed principles on top of the neurobiology of being human is how we truly recognize and honor the impact of trauma.
What if without first understanding the neurobiology of being human, trauma informed care is reduced to behavior management techniques? To be truly trauma informed, we have to go beyond trauma informed. We have to be willing to turn upside our beliefs, and the systems in which we’ve built those beliefs, about what it means to be human.
If you'd rather, you can read an article instead of listening to the podcast here: https://robyngobbel.com/traumainformed
More ways to move beyond trauma informed:
Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Kids is an eight-hour virtual training for professionals (of any kind!) eager to bring movement and body-based experiences intentionally into their work with clients. I’ve adapted my previously always-sold-out training for play therapists to be applicable to a wider range of professionals and decided to offer it virtually one last time.
The Club- Beginning in October in The Club, we’ll be taking three months to integrate rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory experience into moments of healing in the family- strengthening the foundation of the brain. You can join The Club as a caregiver and/or a professional (I know many of you are both!). Registration closes October 5!
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
You've probably heard- The Club is open for registration from now until October 5, 2021!
There are parts of The Club that are super easy to describe and there are parts of The Club that feel almost impossible to describe.
If you're thinking about joining The Club, here's my best attempt at showing you what The Club is all about.
In this episode I mention how there are basically no rules for membership- except that all members agree to The Club manifesto. Yup, we have a manifesto. It's not creepy, promise. In fact, it might be the most important thing that has made The Club work the way it does.
I have an episode about the Manifesto that you find here: The Club has a Manifesto
Definitely if you have questions- email me! robyn@robyngobbel.com
"Therapeutic moments can be brief and ideally are spread throughout your whole week—it’s not just about one hour a week with the therapist." Dr. Bruce PerryWhat if kids (and families!) could get what they need from moments of healing spread throughout their entire week instead of in one hour a week in the therapist's office?
I think we can! We should. We must.
This series on Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain has been all about exactly that. Finding moments of healing and leaning in.
Whether your a parent or professional, this episode will help you develop a keen eye for noticing moments as they arise and how profoundly this work can shift when we remind parents exactly how impact they are are.
Would you rather read this episode in a blog post instead of listening on the podcast? Head to https://robyngobbel.com/momentsofhealing
More about Moments of Healing that are Rhythmic, Repetitive, Relational, and Somatosensory
Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Kids is an eight-hour virtual training for professionals (of any kind!) eager to bring movement and body-based experiences intentionally into their work with clients. I’ve adapted my previously always-sold-out training for play therapists to be applicable to a wider range of professionals and decided to offer it virtually one last time.
The Club- Beginning in October in The Club, we’ll be taking three months to integrate rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory experience into moments of healing in the family- strengthening the foundation of the brain. You can join The Club as a caregiver and/or a professional (I know many of you are both!).
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Marti Smith, OTR is an Occupational Therapist, fellow with the Child Trauma Academy, and founding Board Member with A-TROT, the Alliance for Trauma Responsive Occupational Therapists. Marti is a dear friend and close colleague. We met what feels like eons ago at a Trust Based Relational Intervention training and became quick friends. I’ve learned so much from Marti in my own career about chasing the ‘why’ behind a behavior-- and not just the relational and attachment need, but the biological and physiological need behind a behavior.
The Brain is Behind Everything We Do
The foundation of my work rests on the idea that the brain is behind every single thing that we do- so let’s get curious about what is going on the brain that is underneath a specific behavior (which is the foundation of the course Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain). Marti’s work as an occupational therapist beautifully dovetails the work I do as a mental health therapist while also offering a new perspective by looking at the physical body and autonomic nervous system factors that are related to behaviors.
Marti’s expertise in the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics helps keep her focus on the foundation of the brain as a way to support kids with challenging behaviors. She knows keenly that the foundation of any skill must be strengthened before moving on to more advanced skills. I mean, if you want to do calculus you’ve got to have addition down-pat!
Connect with Marti
Marti is doing some truly ground-breaking work within his community- go check it out!
https://CreativeTherapies.com
The Connected Therapist
Trauma Tips Video Podcast
KALMAR
More about Rhythmic, Repetitive, Relational, and Somatosensory Experiences
Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Kids is an eight-hour virtual training for professionals (of any kind!) eager to bring movement and body-based experiences intentionally into their work with clients. I’ve adapted my previously always-sold-out training for play therapists to be applicable to a wider range of professionals and decided to offer it virtually one last time.
The Club- Beginning in October in The Club, we’ll be taking three months to integrate rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory experience into moments of healing in the family- strengthening the foundation of the brain. You can join The Club as a caregiver and/or a professional (I know many of you are both!).
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
My guest on this week’s podcast is Michael Remole, a mental health therapist in Central Illinois who integrates trauma-informed equine assisted psychotherapy into his work with clients.
A horse-lover since childhood, Michael was working on his master’s degree in counseling when he realized he could integrate his love for horses with his passion for working with people who had experienced trauma. Michael is now the COO and Director of Clinical Services at Gateway Family Services. He is trained in Natural Lifemanship as well as Dr. Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, which is focused on strengthening the foundation of the brain- especially the brainstem and diencephalon. Michael is also the founder and director of the Rising Tide Conference.
Michael kicks of the conversation by talking about how the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics provides a roadmap of brain development. According to the NMT, if we to help strengthen the brain (ourselves, our clients, or our children’s brain), we have to connect with the part of the brain that’s online in that moment. Michael stated that if he wants to connect to a horse – or human!- who is operating from the lowest part of it’s brain in a fight or flight response, Michael has to “speak the language of the brainstem”, which is rhythmic, patterned, and repetitive sensory input. While he’s working with horses, that could translate into how is swinging a rope or patting his legs- in a rhythmic, patterned, repetitive, sensory input.
When horses are in survival-mode, they have a very difficult time accessing their ‘thinking’ parts of the brain. They need humans to be predictable as a way to communicate safety!
This, of course, is true of humans, too.
Connect with Michael
Michael is doing some truly ground-breaking work within his community- go check it out!
Gateway Family Services
Gateway Family Services on Facebook
Rising Tide Conference
More about about Rhythmic, Repetitive, Relational, and Somatosensory Experiences
Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Kids is an eight-hour virtual training for professionals (of any kind!) eager to bring movement and body-based experiences intentionally into their work with clients. I’ve adapted my previously always-sold-out training for play therapists to be applicable to a wider range of professionals and decided to offer it virtually one last time.
The Club- Beginning in October in The Club, we’ll be taking three months to integrate rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory experience into moments of healing in the family- strengthening the foundation of the brain. You can join The Club as a caregiver and/or a professional (I know many of you are both!).
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Theraplay is a dyadic (parent/child) treatment modality for supporting children and families that focuses on harnessing the power of the relationship between the child and their caregiver as path toward change and healing.
Theraplay places a priority on strengthening the parent/child relationship as the way to create change for a child or within a family- even in diagnoses or symptoms that don’t seem obviously related to the parent/child relationship, such as ADHD or Autism. Theraplay believes that strengthening the parent/child relationship will always contribute positively to a child’s mental health, regardless of the specific symptoms or mental health diagnosis.
My guest today on today’s podcast episode is Mandy Jones, Program Director of The Theraplay Institute in Chicago, IL. Mandy is a Theraplay trainer, practitioner, and supervisor, a Registered Play Therapist, and an attorney. In addition to her administrative and training responsibilities at The Theraplay Institute, Mandy also provides therapy to children and families.
To learn more about the services at The Theraplay Institute, check out their website at https://theraplay.org/
Their online store has so many resources, including the books Parenting with Theraplay and the activity book Parenting the Theraplay Way. https://theraplay.org/store/
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhD
This is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series.
The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain. It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord. The brainstem is the first part of the brain to really wire up, flourishing with neural connections. The brainstem is organizing and developing in utero and is working pretty effectively in healthy, full term infants.
The brainstem is responsible for all the things our brain and body does automatically- in fact, it's called the autonomic nervous system.
Heart rate, respiration, and most importantly in this Strengthening the Foundation fo the Brain series- the regulation of energy and arousal in the nervous system.
It can be easy to overlook the relationship between energy, arousal, and behavior because we've been taught to believe the behavior is largely deliberate, intentionaly, and something we do with a lot of thinking.
The brainstem is organized and regulated- healed- through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, somatosensory!
If you'd rather read the blog instead of listen on the podcast, CLICK HERE.
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
Including How Do I Stay Calm a webinar for parents and The Me in We a workshop for professionals.
Melissa Corkum was the obvious guest to invite on the podcast as part of this Building the Foundation Brain Series. Melissa was adopted as an infant from Korea and is also a adoptive mom. She is the co-host and co-founder of The Adoption Connection Podcast- which has now evolved into so much more than a podcast.
Melissa has been supporting adoptive families for many years, training in the Empowered to Connect parenting curriculum that is connected to Trust Based Relational Intervention over ten years ago. She studies neuroscience and parenting in between raising kids- including at times, homeschooling!- and now offers education, hope and healing to other adoptive families.
Melissa could be a guest that talks about so many different topics but I invited her to the podcast this time to talk specifically about how she uses The Safe and Sound Protocol to support kids and families.
The Safe and Sound Protocol
Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges (the theorist behind Polyvagal Theory), The Safe and Sound Protocol--in the simplest terms—resets the neuroception system. The neuroception system is the system that determines felt-safety based on cues received through relationship, the environment, and our own inner experience.
All of our senses (touch, sight, smell, proprioception, etc.) play a role in helping the neuroception system determine our level of safety. The Safe and Sound Protocol specifically aims to help our auditory system take in “cues of safety” from sounds. Melissa explains that Dr. Porges hypothesized that if we could hyper-expose the ears to ‘sounds of safety’ (specifically, the frequency of the human voice) then the nervous system could in a way be ‘reset’ so it could actually take in sounds of safety.
This is episode 2 in the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series.
Would you rather read about the Safe and Sound Protocol? CLICK HERE.
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
Join me for Creating Felt-Safety - a webinar for parents (and professionals) on August 25th.
This podcast probably isn’t your first experience with a parenting ‘expert’ or-- if you listen because you’re a therapist, this probably isn’t your first experience with a child therapist ‘expert.’
The parents and professionals I know are searching for something that makes sense, something that works.
You may have had a felt sense all along that some of the most mainstream ways we support kids and behaviors just didn’t make sense to you.
Or maybe they did make sense but then they just simply didn’t work.
Yup, I felt the same way.
Until I really truly understood the relational brain and neurodevelopment.
We have to take a neurodevelopmental approach with the right intervention at the right time.
Today's episode kicks off a 7-part series on building the foundation of the brain.
If you'd rather read about a neurodevelopmental approach, head over to my blog!
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
Join me for Creating Felt-Safety - a webinar for parents (and professionals) on August 25th.
Amy Stoeber is a clinical psychologist in the Portland, OR area. She has a small private practice where she works with kids and families who have a history of trauma and toxic stress. Amy also trains medical professionals on recognizing trauma in their patients and families, and then helps them know how to support the building of strong thriving families and resilient children.
Amy is at the forefront of shifting the conversation around trauma away from “What’s wrong with you?” and toward the important conversation on resilience.
As families and professionals develop an understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences and then a broader understanding of the impact of trauma and toxic stress, the conversation is beginning to focus more on the question of “now what?”
How do we promote resilience in children to mitigate the impact of trauma?
That's exactly what Amy and I talk about in today's episode!
For a longer summary of the interview, head over to my blog at https://robyngobbel.com/amystoeber
You can learn more about Amy Stoeber over at:
Doctoramyllc.com
Instagram @doctoramyllc
Facebook @doctoramyllc
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Upcoming trainings for Parent and Professionals are listed at https://robyngobbel.com/trainings
“Life is messy. Parenting is messy. Cooking is messy. But if we do it together, we are creating experiences of togetherness with our children that teaches them they are safe, loved, and empowered.”
Social media might be good for something after all- like meeting really neat people like Chef Kibby from Cookin’ With Kibby.
Kibby is a professional chef and has been teaching culinary skills to others for many many years. He’s also a dad to his biological, adopted, and foster kids.
Kibby has shifted his professional life to be supporting foster and adoptive families with what has got to be, from my very non-scientific way I collect data, difficulties: FOOD.
The families I work with almost always have an undercurrent of energy around food and feeding. Sometimes it’s not just an undercurrent- it’s the primary, biggest challenge.
There’s just so much that goes into food and feeding. Our own history, societal messages about parenting, subtle and not-so-subtle messages we get from well-meaning (and not well-meaning) friends, family, and even the doctor about the right and wrong way to feed our kids, and how for some reason we make meaning about how good of a parent we are based on how well we can control what our child does and doesn’t eat.
I see this even in families where the child doesn’t have an obvious history of food trauma or scarcity.
Which makes complete sense because food, attachment, and giving and receiving nurturing are intriquately intertwined. They cannot be teased apart.
Kibby is taking a unique and in my not-so-humble opinion brilliant approach to supporting families where there is just too much negative and stressful around food and feeding.
Kibby isn’t a therapist. He’s a chef and a dad who intimately knows the power of bringing families together in the kitchen. He’s clearly a keen observer and has developed a program with structure, yet flexibility, that empowers parents to create connection with their children in the kitchen.
You can read a much longer summary of our interview on my blog at https://robyngobbel.com/chefkibby
RUN RIGHT NOW to find Chef Kibby and all the cool things he is offering.
CookinWithKibby.com
Chef Kibby on IG
Cookin With Kibby podcast
His online course: Knife Skills for Busy Families
Cooking is Connecting 20 Day Challenge
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Y'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)
Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Therapist Uncensored podcast. This was my second time on Therapist Uncensored- the first time was a few years ago when I got to record live in their studio. The co-hosts of Therapist Uncensored, Sue and Ann, are colleagues from back in Austin.
If you don't know Therapist Uncensored, definitely check it out. It's a hugely popular podcast with some pretty amazing guests.
Sue and I talk about moving beyond being trauma informed and doing more than just supporting the families of kids with big behaviors- truly loving these families (you know I do!!!)
We get practical toward the end and go through a super specific example of navigating both lying and food-related behavior from a relational neuroscience foundation.
Thanks for continuing to join me during the month of July even while I slowed down and pressed my own re-set button.
The Parenting after Trauma podcast will be back next week with a new episode!
Be sure to search for Therapist Uncensored in your podcast play and hit subscribe. Check out all the amazing work they are doing over on their website: https://therapistuncensored.com
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Y'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)
Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Empowered to Connect podcast. It was one of my favorite interviews ever because it felt like I became instant friends with the hosts, JD and Tona. Oh my, did we laugh. You could say we discovered we were kindred spirits.
JD and Tona had asked me on their podcast to speak about a blog article I wrote called Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist.
Yeah I know I know, it's a bit of a provocative title which isn't really my style.
But hey, it piqued JD and Tona's interest and ultimately led to the most fun interview!!!
Here's the summary. Self-regulation is internalized co-regulation. It only develops after someone experiences about 9 million moments of co-regulation. It's a simple but profound mindset shift. It changes everything!
So give it a listen and then let me know what you think (though I might not reply at first because I'm on vacation!!!!!!!!)
Be sure to search for Empowered to Connect in your podcast play and hit subscribe. Check out all the amazing work they are doing over on their website: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Y'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)
Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Attachment Theory in Action podcast with Karen Buckwalter (do you remember when Karen was my guest??)
Earlier this year we recorded a 2-part episode on IPNB and Play Therapy.
IPNB has changed my life.
It changes the lives of the people I know.
After you listen to this episode, subscribe to The Attachment Theory in Action where Karen interviews amazing guest experts!!!
Karen is also the author of two books- Attachment Theory in Action and Raising the Challenging Child.
Goodies you can find on my website:
FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
FREE masterclass on What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Read all about The Club- opening for new members in the fall of 2021
Y'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)
Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Attachment Theory in Action podcast with Karen Buckwalter (do you remember when Karen was my guest??)
Earlier this year we recorded a 2-part episode on IPNB and Play Therapy.
IPNB has changed my life.
It changes the lives of the people I know.
After you listen to this episode, subscribe to The Attachment Theory in Action where Karen interviews amazing guest experts!!!
Karen is also the author of two books- Attachment Theory in Action and Raising the Challenging Child.
The Club is open for new members until July 6! If you are listening to this episode after July 6, be sure to add yourself to the waiting list so you'll be notified the next time we are open!
And of course, don't forget to download my new FREE Brilliance of Attachment eBook at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Today we wrap up this month's focus on attachment with my dear mentor and friend, Bonnie Badenoch.
Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT is a thought-leader in the relational neurosciences. When I think about her contribution to this emerging field of study, I think ‘integrator.’ Bonnie has helped us all feel into the many different strands that are woven together to become what we now call relational neuroscience- interpersonal neurobiology, affect regulation theory, polyvagal theory, memory reconsolidation theory, attachment theory, and more. Bonnie has taken the science and created space for clinicians to make meaning of how the science comes alive in us and in our work with clients.
Bonnie knows the science of relationships better than anyone I know, but more than that she knows relationships. She’s been an integral part of my own journey- without Bonnie there certainly would not have been this attachment series or the Brilliance of Attachment eBook.
Bonnie is the author of three books- Bing a Brain Wise Therapist, The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Work Book, and her newest book, Heart of Trauma. If you want to learn more about the amazing work Bonnie does in the world, head over to the website www.NurturingtheHeart.com
If you'd rather read a summary of the interview instead of listening on the podcast, you can head over to my blog https://robyngobbel.com/bonniebadenoch
You can download the F R E E eBook "The Brilliance of Attachment" at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club! Doors open for new members from June 29 - July 6, 2021 https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
In July, August, and September in The Club, we are going to be exploring the neurobiology of attachment, allowing us to embody attachment and bring healing to the parts of ourselves, and our children, that didn't get what they needed when they were young.
Part 6 of 6 in the June series on attachment!
The part you've probably been waiting for: how does attachment change?
If you haven't caught the previous five episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.
In this episode, we look at
- How important it is to recognize insecure attachment as protective, trusting in the truth that things only change once we stop trying to make them change
- What was needed at the time- but not received- for each stream of insecure attachment
- How to meet that need now, creating a possible experience for that experience in attahcment to shift toward security
- The power of rupture and repair in shift toward secure attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
Or even better!!! Go to my website right away and dowload the free eBook!!!
Yup!! I took this entire six part series and had it beautifully and professional designed into an eBook! You can download it, read it slowly, read it repeatedly- whatever you want.
Head over to https://robyngobbel.com/ebook to receive the free download.
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
In July, August, and September in The Club, we are going to be exploring the neurobiology of attachment, allowing us to embody attachment and bring healing to the parts of ourselves, and our children, that didn't get what they needed when they were young.
**Possible Trigger Warning*Learning about disorganized attachment might feel overwhelming and bring up uncomfortable feelings. Listen in a place and at a time you can take breaks and seek regulation. Titrate yourself! Maybe read the article on the blog instead of listening to the podcast. www.RobynGobbel.com/disorganizedattachment* ***
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about disorganized attachment. If you haven't caught the previous four episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.
In this episode, we look at
- What happens when a baby's attachment system has them fleeing toward their caregiver when they are afraid, but the caregiver is who is causing the fright
- Why disorganized is disorganized- it's the only attachment 'style' that isn't organized
- The kinds of experiences an infant can experience as disorganizing
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
In July, August, and September in The Club, we are going to be exploring the neurobiology of attachment, allowing us to embody attachment and bring healing to the parts of ourselves, and our children, that didn't get what they needed when they were young.
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Tomorrow we'll explore How Attachment Changes!
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about insecure avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!
In this episode, we look at
- The behavior patterns that lead to avoidant attachment
- The attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with avoidant attachment
- Avoidant attachment impact on regulation
- The hope versus the expectation of avoidant attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Next week, we'll explore disorganized attachment!
Another episode in the June series on attachment!
Today is all about insecure anxious attachment.
Anxious attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!
In this episode, we look at
- The behavior patterns that lead to anxious attachment
- The attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with anxious attachment
- Anxious attachment impact on regulation
- The hope versus the expectation of anxious attachment
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! In the next episode, we'll explore insecure attachment!
Here we are with the THIRD episode in this monthly focus on attachment!
Today is allllll about secure attachment.
85% of the time, a child’s attachment experience will parallel the working model of attachment of the principal person caring for her. ~Eric Hesse
Whoa. Well, if that's the case, the obviously we have to first talk about attachment in adults and caregivers.
In this episode we look at five characteristics of an adult with secure attachment.
Then we look at some of the characteristics of a child with secure attachment.
THEN we look at the inner working model that develops from secure attachment.
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website- be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment! Next week, we'll explore insecure attachment!
June is allllll about attachment! We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."
Today- we are going back to basics.
Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.
In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.
We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.
We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:
- Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity
- Use the attachment figure as the secure base
- Flee to their attachment figure when afraid
Going Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure.
I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment. We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!
Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!
There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series! I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want. To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebook
And while you're on my website! Be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list! Doors open again at the end of June! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment. Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom.
Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.
Which did not happen.
Bethany remembers that she wasn’t patient with her daughter. She didn’t feel very loving toward her. And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother’s natural intuition.’ Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn’t figure out why.
So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.
Bethany’s exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn’t a checklist. Raising a child with secure attachment isn’t about breastfeeding or co-sleeping.
It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation.
I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!
You can find Bethany on instagram @Bethany_Saltman or on her website at www.BethanySaltman.com. Grab her book Strange Situation wherever books are sold but try to get it from your local bookstore ;)
Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn Gobbel!
Then head over to my website and get the free, 45 minute masterclass What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
While you're there, be sure to put your name on the waiting list for The Club- a virtual community of connection and co-regulation for parents of kids impacted by trauma (and the professionals who support them). We welcome new members approximately every three months!
I'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon.
Everything seems great. Fun! Even laughter and real good times.
And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down.
Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation.
I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can open up compassion and keep us more regulated. Which then means we can respond instead of react.
In today's episode we are looking at the science behind why this happens.
It's science- not sabotage! Promise!
In this episode you hear me mention a F R E E three-part video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
If you are ready to take a deep-dive into parenting a child impacted by trauma through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety, you'll want to check out my self-paced, comprehensive, and all online digital course Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain. You can find that at https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
And of course- you heard me talk about The Club in this episode. Come snag your spot on the waiting list so you'll be the first to know when The Club opens for new members- we are waiting for you!!! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
What if I told you that calm isn't best? Calm isn't what we are working toward! And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap!
Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate! In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal.
On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher, creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, founder and President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, and host of the Lessons from the Playroom podcast. She is the author of Aggression in Play Therapy: A Neurobiological Approach for Integrating Intensity and is the 2015 recipient of the Association for Play Therapy’s Professional Education and Training Award of Excellence.
Lisa and I have a lovely time discussing the difference between regulated and calm, including the risks of pretending to be calm when we aren't. As parents and clinicians who care for kids with a history of trauma, it's important to negotiate ways within ourselves that we can be honest and congruent with our true experiences (maybe we are mad!) while still remaining regulated and offering felt-safety.
Wait what?! Regulated and mad?!?!
Yup. Regulated and mad. Have a listen to see what Lisa has to say about this!
You can find more of Lisa's work over at Synergetic Play Therapy Institue, including her book for clinicians, Aggression in Play Therapy.
If you loved this exploration into the neurobiology of regulation, you'll love all the free resources over on my website, especially my recent masterclass on What Behavior Really Is! You can grab this free video series at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
While you're over on my website, check out my virtual community for parents impacted by trauma- The Club. A member of The Club, who also happens to work with parents of kids imapcted by trauma, recently wrote to me and said: I’ve been working with families adopting children with trauma for almost ten years now, and it is the best thing I’ve seen in this community to give families access to the practical tools they need to parent their children, but even more importantly make them feel seen, loved, and supported by a community that truly understands their challenges and struggles. What you are building is nothing short of amazing.The Club re-opens for new members approximately every three months! We are waiting for you!
On May 10 and 11, I taught a free masterclass called What Behavior Really Is and How to Change it. Maybe you were there! But maybe you weren’t. To be honest, I do not love watching videos myself. I would much rather put in my ear buds and listen to the audio only- even if it meant missing the slides.
So, with that in mind, I’m releasing the audio from that masterclass here as a bonus podcast episode!
If you want to stop playing behavior whack-a-mole, there are THREE questions to ask when kids are struggling- and when we stay focused on those questions instead of on the behavior, we will finally be able to solve the real problem.
After you finish this episode, you can head over to robyngobbel.com/masterclass if you’d like to watch the video, too. There might be a few ideas in the masterclass that are easier to express with the slides that are in the video.
I hope you enjoy!!!
I suggested several resources in this episode!
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
The Club: A Virtual Community for Parents of Kids Impacted by Trauma
Blogs:
Focus on Arousal, Not Behavior Part 1
Focus on Arousal, Not Behavior Part 2
Felt-Safety? What's That?
Connection or Protection
Always Yearning for Connection
What's Regulation Got to Do With It
Boundaries with Connection
You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.
What if I told you it doesn’t matter?
Hear me out.
Why do you want to figure that out? Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.
But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.
What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?
And then respond to that!!
There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well. So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.
Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.
I explore this in depth in today’s episode! If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
This paradigm shift will change everything you know about parenting. Really, everything you know about being human! In my nine-module in-depth parent course, you’ll go further in the why behind behaviors and then I fill your toolbox with lots of idea on what exactly to do when faced with difficult behavior (as well as how to avoid them occurring in the first place).
www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can also sign up for the waiting list to come join me and hundreds of other parents over in The Club- a virtual community of connection and co-regulation for parents of kids with challenging behaviors- most families are parenting kids with a history of trauma.
www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
Maybe 'hard' doesn't even come close to describing your Mother's Day.
If so, this episode is for you.
I awoke at 4am this morning. Not in the plan but sometimes it happens. Up alone in the dark I decided to record an episode for everyone out there who is dreading today.
I see you. Your pain is real and it's valid and I see you.
I am sending infinite amounts compassion out into the universe...just for you.
Marshall Lyles is one of my favorite humans on the planet. How did I get so lucky as to call him one of my closest friends, as well as a dear colleague who enjoys the creation process with me.
Marshall is a dad, a therapist, a creator. We met and connected over our love for supporting the familie of kids impacted by trauma, but our relationship has grown into so much more.
Marshall is one of those humans who can combine deep thinking with deep humor. He isn't afraid of asking the hard questions but he intuitively knows how to infuse delight into just the right moments.
In this episode, Marshall and I discuss the importance of our ability to be reflective as parents and as people- meaning, our ability to think about ourselves and how we are impacting our children and how they show up in the world. There is a certain amount of awe in realizing that our chidren come to know themselves largely because of who we show them they are. And our capacity to do that in the truest most authentic way is largely dependent upon our ability to be reflective with ourselves and how allllllll the previous generations have impacted us and how we see ourselves.
It sounds heavy I know but Marshall's gift is taking the heavy and bringing in ease. And humor.
You'll love this episode, promise.
When you're done, go find Marshall!!! www.MarshallLyles.com as well as the amazing, one-of-a-kind workshop in Austin, TX at The Therapists Workshop.
Be sure to register for my F R E E masterclass on What Behaviors Really Are...and How to Fix Them (this is the same masterclass, just renamed, as the Regulation, Connection, Felt-Safety Masterclass).
You can register to attend live (on May 10 or 11) here: https://robyngobbel.com/whatbehaviorsare
If you are seeing this after May 11, you can watch the replay of that masterclass here: https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Kids who have been hurt inside connection and relationship protect themselves from getting hurt again.
This can leave us feeling that they don't want connection.
Which leaves us feeling like we don't want to offer connection. It starts to hurt too bad to keep offering something so vulnerable when we keep getting rejected.
Maybe it would help to know that humans need connection to survive. Your child may be acting like they don't need or want connection, but they do.
In fact, the intensity with which they work to reject connection is the intensity with which they've been hurt in connection.
It feels hopeless, sometimes (or much of the time) to love a person who rejects connection.
It feels hopeless but it isn't hopeless. In fact, in this episode I'll tell you what that hopeless really is.
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button and add Parenting after Trauma to your podcast player!
Then head over to robyngobbel.com/masterclass for a F R E E video series on the three questions we should all be asking ourselves when our kids are behaving in baffling, confusing, frustrating and overwhelming way.
You know someone is going to be a ton of fun when their nickname is Queen of Lycra. Dear listeners, let me introduce you to Marti Smith, Occupational Therapist, TBRI Practitioner, and Fellow with the Child Trauma Academy.
Marti and I could talk for hours about the sensory system, the body, movement, and the overlap between all of this an attachment- but we'll have to come back another time for the fun conversation. Today we are lucky enough to have Marti vulnerably how the personal and professional overlap. How through her work becoming a more connected occupational therapist Marti has become a more connected mom, parter, and person.
You can find Marti's trauma-tips video series at www.CreativeTherapies.com
After you finish the episode, head over to RobynGobbel.com to explore all the free resources I have for you, including a free, three-part video series on the three questions to ask yourself when faced with your child's challenging behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
The good Texas social worker that I was (am???) meant I discovered...and loved...Dr. Brene Brown's work on shame resilience pretty early on.
I loved it. Finally. A way out of shame!
Except...then I stopped loving it. It seemed I couldn't even do shame resilience right because all the things Dr. Brown talked about weren't helping me.
It wasn't that I wasn't doing it right. It's that there was a missing step. When I learned about the neurobiology of toxic shame, it began to unlock itself for me, ever so slightly.
The science helped me believe "There is nothing wrong with me." Once I could believe it with my thinking brain, I could begin to explore feeling it. Without a doubt, that's much harder! But I'm not sure I would have ever risked that hard work without first understanding the neurobiology of toxic shame.
Toxic shame is not uncommon for people, inluding children, who have experience early trauma, abuse, neglect, and loss. There is a sense of "I am something very wrong" or even "I exist wrong." It's not true! And understanding the mechanisms of toxic shame proves it.
The short, virtual workshop Why We Hate...Ourselves is now open for registration with our first live meeting on April 15, 2021. If you are finding this podcast after a time the workshop has concluded don't worry- I'll offer it again in the future!
You can check out the details here: https://robyngobbel.com/whywehate
If you are new to the podcast, you will definitely want to watch my free three-part video masterclass on the 3 Reasons Kids Struggle: Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety. You can start the masterclass here: https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Lacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don't have to be perfect. Our messiness can meet each other's messiness. We can welcome our kids' messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it...even when it seems like nothing is working.
Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she experienced childhood trauma, including being a youth who was in out-of-home care as a teenager. Lacy wanted to come on as a person who offers hope for all the parents and professionals out there walking this hard path of caring for a child impacted by trauma.
Find Lacy and all the amazing work she is doing in the world at www.YesAndBrain.com.
After you listen to this episode, head over to RobynGobbel.com to explore all the free resources that are available to support you on this journey, including my blog, videos, and more podcast episodes.
If you are ready for an in-depth, deep-dive into learning a new approach to parenting children impacted by trauma, you'll love getting instant access to my digital course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
Parenting children impacted by trauma is a lonely journey- which is why I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and education. We'd love for you to join us! Head over to robyngobbel.com/theclub to read all the details!
We all need co-regulation.
Me. You.
When our kids are getting dysregulated quickly, flipping their lids a lot, or having mountain reactions out of mole-hill sized problems, what they need is more connection and co-regulation.
This is true for grown-ups, too!
There is nothing wrong with you because you flip your lid. Your not a bad parent. You don't need to doubt your integrity. You want to stay regulated and present, and you are trying.
If you know how you want to parent but are struggling to actually parent that way, you need more connection and co-regulation. If your brain stays more integrated and less likely to 'flip it's lid' you'll be able to use all those parenting tools you have stored in your upstairs thinking brain! (In the course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain, I call it the Owl brain).
In this episode, I normalize the need for co-regulation (nothing to feel ashamed about in being human!) and explore how co-regulation can be active or passive.
Turn to the people who offer you co-regulation!
And if you need support in intentionally cultivating your circle of support, we are waiting for you over in The Club.
Offering connection and co-regulation is the explicit purpose of The Club. Sure, we offer parenting tools too, and create a space to really explore the model of providing regulation, connection, and felt-safety to support our kid with their challenging behaviors. But The Club is so much more than that. It's a space for you to be seen, felt, and known. It's a space to undo aloneness.
We open the doors for new members approximately every three months! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
I had to share this with you!!
I've been getting ready to re-open to doors to The Club (today! March 28!) and re-watching all the videos new members watch to welcome them into The Club.
I haven't looked at this videos since I made them a few months ago- I've been pretty focused on creating all the new content in The Club (and of course here on the podcast, my blog, etc.)
I was so struck by the video where I talk about The Club Manifesto that I wanted to share it with you. It's just too important to only share with Club members.
These tenets are what create a space in which the brain can organize itself exactly the way it was designed to organize itself. These tenets create a space in which our true, wonderful, loveable, and imperfect selves can emerge.
If you'd like to see The Club manifesto in written form, head over to https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
If you'd like to be in a space where every single person committs to this manifesto, so you can look around and remember "Everyone here believes these things!" I'd love to welcome you in to The Club. Doors are open until April 1st. I anticipate re-opening approximately every three months. This seems to give the group the time it needs to settle into one another and create a rich, warm space of connection and co-regulation. Then the group re-organizes (kinda like the brain!) with all the wonderful new members who arrive.
https://robyngobbel.com/theclub
I'm so pleased to introduce you to Karen Buckwalter! She is out in the world doing amazing things to support the families of kids impacted by trauma, including training up new clinicians as a Theraplay trainer and consultant, writing books for both therapists (Attachment Theory in Action) and parents (Raising the Challenging Child), and interviewing guests who are at the top of our field on her pocast, Attachment Theory in Action.
Karen and I met online- where so many relationships are now nurtured, and have grown to develop deep respect for the work we are each doing. I love that I get to show you how many people are out there in the world, doing good important work for families of kids impacted by trauma- and absolutely loving the work they do.
Karen's newest book, Raising the Challenging Child, has 30 chapters organized into three pillars:
1. Be a Leader
2. Dig Deeper
3. Prepare for Success
She prioritized writing a book that was practical, accessible, easy-to-read and easy-to-implement.
When you're finished with this episode, head over to www.RobynGobbel.com to discover all the free resources available for you, including my blog, more podcast episodes, and several video trainings.
You can also access short trainings on specific topics like lying and oppositional behavior, and get immediate access to the deep-dive, comprehensive online course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain.
If you love this podcast and you're looking for more support, more connection, and more co-regulation, we'd love to have you join us in The Club- a virtual community for parents just like you.
Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.
The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.
The loneliness is traumatic. It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).
Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.
Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully welcomed, seen, and known. Friends, partners, therapists, support groups- face to face connections are life-changing of course, but the pandemic has taught us that even virtual connection changes the brain.
Undoing Aloneness is one of the primary reasons I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids impacted by trauma, and the professionals who adore them. The Club re-opens for new members soon and we would love to welcome you with open arms and a little glitter and confetti ;)
www.RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Over on my website, you can also read and share a blog about Undoing Aloneness.
Don't forget to check-out allllll my free resources (there are lots!!!) at www.RobynGobbel.com/freeresources
Jessica Sinarski stays very busy making an impact wherever she can. Jessica trains educators, parents, and professionals- helping them move beyond trauma informed. Jessica is the founder of Brave Brains, an organization that provides resources and education for professionals, and is the author of two amazing children's books.
Jessica has a lot of ways she's impacting the world and we get to hear about some of the amazing things she's doing. Jessica and I also have the opportunity to talk about lifting the shame for struggling parents and validating the experience of blocked care. Hearing how Jessica passionately advocates for what parents need so that they can parent the way they want is a tremendous sigh of relief. There's no room for blame or shame- just understanding the brain and approaching ourselves and each other with curiosity and compassion.
You will want to check out all the amazingness Jessica is doing out in the world.
Brave Brains Resources and education for professionals (including educators)
Moving Beyond Trauma Informed training for professionals
Riley the Brain Jessica's first children's book
What's Inside Your Backpack Jessica's newest children's book!
Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?
Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill? Why can’t I keep it together?
Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good. But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelled at, isn’t life threatening?
If it isn’t life threatening, why does our brain go to attack mode?We talk about two reasons in today's episode:
- Decreased window of stress tolerance
- Implicit memory awakenings
I talk about a LOT of resources in this episode!
Blog articles:
- Finding Playfulness
- Self-Compassion
- No Behavior is Maladaptive
The free video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behavior will take you further into understanding the impact of implicit memory on your kid's behavior AND yours!
robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Another awesome way to widen your window of stress tolerance is to come join the most amazing group of parents you could ever hope to find! It will decrease your sense of aloneness and increase your sense of connection and regulation- all of which will dramatically increase your window of stress tolerance! The Club is a virtual group for parents of kids impacted by trauma and is specifically designed to help you increase your window of tolerance so you can parent the way you want to! www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
Hang on...today's episode is waaaaay different.
I wanted to feel more connected to you. So I started with inviting you to feel more connected to me. I asked my dear friend Anne- author, writing coach, and adoptee, to interview ME.
I gave her no rules, no script, and no agenda except that I wanted you to get to know me better.
We walk down a little of different paths together in this episode- we talk about how structure creates felt-safety and a little bit of what it's like to live in my (loud, talkative, energetic, full of feelings) family. We talk about what I've learned about real life from taking aerial silks, my not-so-secret obsession with a pop star, and curiosity.
It was more vulnerable that I expected, and for surprising reasons.
I worried my life sounded too good. Anne and I laughed about that because she is one of the few people who know just how hard life has been lately. And yet at the same time, it is good. Really good. Both are true. Things are hard, chaotic, and out of my control to change. And still really, really, good. It's possible. It's been possible in my family, and it's possible in yours, too.
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is OPEN for registration with some pretty great bonuses if you register before February 25, 2021!!! www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website! www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???
This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.
1. Food, water, and movement
2. Structure, routing, and predictability
3. Stick close
These may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!
You can check on the blog on this topic here: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulated
For an introduction to tracking arousal instead of behavior, read this blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/watchdogbrain or listen to episode 4
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online course: www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website! www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Felt-safety is an important, yet commonly misunderstood part of parenting a child impacted by trauma (well really, parenting any child or being in any relationship, but we are talking about parenting kids impacted by trauma here).
So- what even is felt-safety? Why does it matter? And how do we offer it to our children?
I'll answer these question in this podcast!
If you want to learn more about how the streams of the past come together with the now to create our own subjective experience in reality, you can listen to episode #3! You can also read the blog at www.robyngobbel.com/maladaptive
Do you want to deep-dive even further into Creating Felt-Safety? Check out the on-demand digital webinar download: www.robyngobbel.com/feltsafetywebinar
The webinar download comes with a coupon code good for the purchase price off the comprehensive online course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain. That means if you sign up for the course with the coupon, you're getting the Creating Felt Safety webinar for free!
Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain will open for registration in mid-February! You can read all the details, get on the waiting list, and register at www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
AND! Whew this is a lot! You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website! www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
It's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness.
Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors. He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!)
There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode. It's long but you are going to want to listen to the whole thing.
Mark gives us a peek into his process as a parent coach and describes how he often sees these four themes emerge in his work with struggling parents:
1. Attachment and our drive for survival
2. How our emotions help us navigate our world
3. Defendedness
4. How parents show up- and specifically how they send cues of safety and connection to their children
There are a few tears, some laughter, and by the end you will understand by Mark's business is called Seen and Heard. Just listening to this episode will help you feel both seen and heard. Promise.
To learn more about Mark's work, head to www.SeenandHeard.coach. He offers a free 90 minute consultation for parents- no obligation to schedule any additional sessions.
There are so many more free resources just waiting for you over at www.RobynGobbel.com
Blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/blog
Free resources, including video resources on the impact of trauma: www.RobynGobbel.com/freeresources
While you are there, sign up to be the first to know when the indepth, comprehensive brain-based and attachment-supporting course for parents opens for registration! www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse
Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting.
Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles? We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors.
Would you rather about Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior? Check out my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/lying/
Need more support with lying than what is available in a blog or podcast? You'll love my 90 minute low-cost webinar on Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior https://robyngobbel.com/lyingwebinar
Wonder what all this talk is about Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety? Watch my free masterclass! https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Understanding the impact of trauma on memory will also help you put on your x-ray vision goggles for some of those most baffling behaviors! Check our my free video series and ebook: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Ready to dive deeper and practice putting on those x-ray vision goggles while also getting practical tools on how to create behavior change through regulation, connection, and felt-safety? Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive online parent course that is open for registration beginning February 16, 2021! https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
My first podcast interview!!! And I tell you what- I chose wisely :) Eileen is a gem and you'll adore her.
Eileen is a social worker and parent coach for parents of kids with brain-based difference that have challenging behavioral symptoms. AWESOME, right?
Over the years, Eileen has become a good friend and close colleague. She is doing life-changing work with the families who work with her in her Brain First Parenting Program and Resilience Room. I can't wait for you to meet her!
Check out all the goodness Eileen offers to the world at https://www.eileendevine.com/ and sign up for her free webinar on the Brain First Parenting model.
And after you are done seeing checking out everything Eileen has to offer, head over to https://robyngobbel.com/ where you can access:
A free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety! https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
A free video series and ebook on the impact of trauma on memory and behaviors: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Ready to dive deeper while also getting practical tools on how to create behavior change through regulation, connection, and felt-safety? Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive online parent course that is open for registration beginning February 16, 2021! https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
Hear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision.
Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing). It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment.
In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray vision would tell us about our children and their behaviors and why it matters.
It matters. A lot. Seeing through behaviors to what's underneath is one of the most important skills you could have as a parent!
Since I'm not in charge of hanging out superpowers (yet) we'll have to settle for continued blogs, podcasts, and courses that help you put on your own x-ray vision goggles to see what's underneath your child's behaviors!
Would you rather read about X-Ray vision goggles? Head over to my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/xrayvision/
Wonder what all this talk is about Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety? Watch my free masterclass! https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Understanding the impact of trauma on memory will also help you put on your x-ray vision goggles for some of those most baffling behaviors! Check our my free video series and ebook: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
Ready to dive deeper and practice putting on those x-ray vision goggles while also getting practical tools on how to create behavior change through regulation, connection, and felt-safety? Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive online parent course https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
What if I told you the science is very clear- that our kids do not need perfect parents. Not only that, but perfect parenting would be bad for them!
It might seem great in theory if we could always meet our kids needs. It might sound great in theory if someone else could always meet our needs! But when a relationship has a rupture- the next thing that can happen is the repair.
Repair is like drizzled honey. Repair is like nestling into the most magically comfortable bed ever created. Repair is where it's at.
In this episode, we get really clear about why you can rest into self-compassion after you've had a 'not my finest parenting moment' with your child. (And for some tips on self-compassion, check out episode 8). Self-compassion is necessary in order to take the first steps toward repair and there is so much power in repair!!
If you love this episode, you can check out the blog article! https://robyngobbel.com/imperfectparenting/
You'll love all the free resources available at www.RobynGobbel.com/freeresources, created especially for parents of children impacted by trauma.
For a comprehensive, indepth course on Parenting after Trauma, you'll love: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
You've heard me say "Changing How We See People Changes People." Let's talk about how I know this is true. It helps us understand why understanding the theory is a 'technique' and why staying regulated 'is a technique' that creates real, true change.
We come to know who we are through the eyes of the other. Let's teach our children they are precious and full of infinite worth. Even when their behaviors are difficult.
In the episode, I reference episode 2- No Behavior is Maladaptive- as well as a blog article by the same name. You can read that blog article here:https://robyngobbel.com/maladaptive
The free video series and e-book on Trauma, Memory, and Behavior is here: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseries
You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: https://robyngobbel.com/masterclass
Parenting After Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive course that will open for registration in late winter 2021 https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourse
The Club is a community of parents with kids who have experienced trauma and will open for registration again in the spring of 2021! https://robyngobbel.com/theclub/
How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas? It's HARD. Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!! And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation. Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)
In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem. The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!
You can read a blog article that has all the steps written out here (sometimes it's easier to remember things in writing!): www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlid
If you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
Come join a community of parents committed to connection and co-regulation- not just with their kids but with each other!!! We need connection and co-regulation to parent the way we want to- just like our kids need connection and co-regulation. www.RobynGobbel.com/theclub
Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver. If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills. They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own. It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!
Humans never outgrow their need for co-regulation! We all need connection and co-regulation! Which is exactly why I've created The Club- a new virtual community for parents of kids impacted by trauma!
The Club opens on December 31, 2020 and remains open until January 8, 2021. At that time, it will close for new members for approximately three months so the founding members have time to co-create a solid community culture. Head over to www.RobynGobbel.com/TheClub to read all the details, join the waiting list, or sign up (between Dec. 31 & Jan. 8, 2021!).
If you are new to the science of connection and regulation, you'll want to grab my free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).
In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes. Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.
To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassion
To learn about The Club- a a virtual community of parents of kids who have experienced trauma will offer connection, co-regulation, and compassion to each other, visit robyngobbel.com/theclub
And to begin your journey into brain-based parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety with my free masterclass, head over to robyngobbel.com/masterclass
The brain has two modes- connection or protection.
Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.
If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!
You can read more on my blog!
robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/
An article about felt-safety: robyngobbel.com/feltsafety
An article about oppositional behavior: robyngobbel.com/oppositiondefiancecontrol
Free masterclass on the three reasons children demonstrate behaviors of protection: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
In a word...EVERYTHING.
I talk about regulation constantly. So let's take a moment (or 25 minutes) and really define what that even is.
This episode defines regulation and then defines why it even matters.
When we can see how regulation is underneath behavior challenges, we can prioritize supporting regulation and not just stopping a behavior. This leads to long-term change, not just a short term band-aid solution.
Seeing our children's behavior challenges as regulation challenges means we see them for who they really are. It allows us to stay more regulated and to see them as a child struggling with regulation- not a bad child.
Because changing how we see people changes people!!
To go further into the discussion on Regulation, head over to my free resources and watch the free, 45 minute video series on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety.
OOOOH...y'all are in for such a treat because Anne is just that. A treat. Anne is an author, writing coach, and adoptee. Her memoir, "You Don't Look Adopted" is pure gold. It's heart-wrenching and funny and raw and life-changing. You should read it.
But first listen to our little conversation today about the importance of figuring out how to say the unsayable. The thing is...whatever is unsayable is always THERE. We just need to find a way to say it. And you know what...you don't even have to say it with words.
Anne and I are starting a six-week course to help you find your voice and say the unsayable. It starts Thursday December 10 and you might be finding this episode WAY after that! That's OK- maybe we'll do it again!
You can read all the details about our course The Story Under the Story at robyngobbel.com/thestory
You can find more Anne at www.AnneHeffron.com
You can find more Anne AND Robyn at robyngobbel.com/dearadoptiveparents (free, hour-long webinar where Anne talks about how her parents could have shown up for her the way she needed)
And of course even more free resources at RobynGobbel.com/freeresources
The key to true, long-lasting behavior change is actually to stop focusing on behaviors. Stop trying to change them. Stop the charts. Stop the behavior modification. Stop the rewards. Stop the punishments.
Read that again. How does that feel? Like a relief? Like terror??
Both?
Staying focused on behaviors, rewards, consequences, charts, stickers….it’s all just so exhausting. It’s exhausting because it doesn’t really work and because it’s pulling us out of integrity with what’s true. I think all of us have a place inside of us- maybe realllllly buried under a culture of behaviorism- that knows we are really missing the mark when we focus on behaviors.
But, if we stop focusing on behaviors- what do we do instead??? Behavioral techniques offer a bit of safety to the enforcer. They are such clear guidelines, and we like that!!
If we shift our focus on tracking the energy and arousal that underlies the behaviors, we still get to have the safety and structure that a more behavioral approach offered, while also the relief of finally focusing on the real problem.
This episode introduces the concept of tracking arousal instead of behavior.
Read the original blog article and download the arousal tracking PDFs: https://robyngobbel.com/focus-on-arousal-not-behaviors-part-1/
Watch the original Facebook Live: https://robyngobbel.com/course/facebooklives/
New to parenting through the lens of the relational neurosciences? Watch my free, 45-minute introductory video series! https://robyngobbel.com/course/regulationconnectionfeltsafety/
Brain-based parenting with connection and coregulation doesn’t mean boundary-less parenting. In fact, if you are parenting a child who is a little delayed with regard to developing self-regulation, this type of parenting actually means MORE boundaries.
But boundaries aren’t consequences or punishments.
Boundaries are the supports your child needs to be successful.
It’s a little like toddler proofing. Toddlers aren’t untrustworthy, misbehaving, or sneaky because they explored the stairs and then fell down. Toddlers are just doing their toddler thing with their toddler brain. It’s our job as the adults to provide the boundaries and co-regulation they need to support their developmental task (exploration) without getting hurt!
So we provide lots of supervision and baby-gates. And we support their safe exploration of the stairs- holding their hands as they go up and down, or sitting one step below them while they play.
If we remember a few important tenets of brain-based parenting:
- Connection is a biological imperative
- Behavior is an externalization of inner experience
- Regulated, Connected, Kids who Feel Safe Behave Well
Then we can feel confident that when our kids are struggling (lying, stealing, manipulation, opposition, etc.) that they need more support.Read my blog article about Boundaries with Connection here: Boundaries with Connection Watch the original Facebook Live video on Boundaries with Connection: Facebook LIVES If you are new to the the relational neurosciences or this approach to parenting, you'll want to watch my FREE 45-minute video series on Regulation, Connection, and Felt Safety. You can watch that on my website: Regulation, Connection, & Felt-Safety Video Series
There is no such thing as maladaptive.
No. Behavior. Is. Maladaptive.
Sure, there are LOTS of behaviors that have pretty big negative consequences…for ourselves and others.
But the way the human mind is so brilliantly working all the time leaves me with an unwillingness to negotiate the truth that all behavior is adaptive.
This core, unwavering belief creates my personal and professional foundation. It's based on neuroscience- and I explain it in this episode!
Watch the original Facebook Live: Facebook LIVES
Read the original blog post: No Behavior is Maladaptive
If you are new to the relational neurosciences approach to parenting, you'll want to watch my FREE 45-minute introductory video: Regulation, Connection, & Felt-Safety Video Series - Robyn Gobbel
Welcome!!
Parenting after Trauma is the most spontaneous, least frills podcast on parenting children who have experienced trauma.
In November 2020, I started doing Facebook Lives so I could quickly and easily connect with parents struggling to raise children who have experienced trauma. Almost immediately I realized I could turn the audios from those Lives into podcast episodes! I know I would much rather listen to a podcast than watch a video- especially if I have to be online to watch it- and I figured that might be true for you, too.
This is a no-frills podcast- which means there is almost no editing. I did this intentionally so I could focus on getting you content as fast as possible- not on learning fancy software. You may hear me say something about "checking the comments" and that's because these episodes originally aired live on Facebook and I was putting resources in the comments. I'll do my best to put those resources into each episode's show notes!
Enjoy!