MIND. BODY. PURPOSE.: Recent Episodes
Michelle Stevenett, April Judd
Each episode provides three actionable take-aways: one to nourish your mind, one to connect to your body, and one to live in your purpose. Nurture these areas to access inner wisdom, discover strength, own life experiences, and fail with enthusiasm. For the woman juggling it all, this is where you find confidence to-go, so you can have confidence to-be.
Last week we announced an upcoming workshop that we are SO excited to offer and to have a live experience with you!
This week, however, we are announcing the postponement of this workshop until the fall.
We have both been feeling a pull to be engaging in all the things that come with season changes and summer time with our families as well as a desire to engage in some internal work of learning and creating before sharing everything we want to share with you.
So, we are intentionally choosing to match the pace of our lives with the nature of this particular season, and we hope you also are offering yourself the same space for whatever your circumstances or season may be.
We might publish something small again next week, or we might not-- just be sure to be subscribed if you're not already so that when new episodes drop, you’ll know.
We have some incredible plans coming up for the fall and hope you will join us then!
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In lieu of weekly episodes during the month of July, we are curating a LIVE event just for you!
Tuesday July 27th, 7pm. (Location announced soon; it will be held in the South Jordan/Sandy Utah area.)
Register today by Venmoing $50 @MindBodyPurpose.
Come enjoy an evening of workshop-style learning, yummy treats, and a take-home gift we think you will love.
Space is limited, so this will be first come first served. Bring your friends for a memorable girl's night!
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Today is the final episode for this month's discussion on "Ahimsa" or non-violence (see episode 50 for the full discussion of all three takeaways).
The PURPOSE takeaway that we discuss today is: Regard yourself as whole - notice how much kindness you can experience.
This month we have been discussing the first chapter of "The Yamas and Niyamas" by Deborah Adele. This book is available through a free audible trial here or wherever you buy hard copy books (you can find it on Amazon here).
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Have you felt the glorification of "busy?" (Hand raised right here.) Over-scheduling ourselves and filling every minute is one way we experience tiny acts of violence.
Today we are discussing how to guard your balance in everyday life, listening to the messages of our bodies. This is the BODY takeaway for the month as we discuss "Ahimsa" or Non-violence, the first chapter of "The Yamas and Niyamas" by Deborah Adele. This book is available through a free audible trial here or wherever you buy hard copy books (you can find it on Amazon here).
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It's all about courage! How might you be harming yourself by living from fear instead of practicing courage?
Listen to hear our real-life examples of how we are shifting into courage and therefore preventing tiny acts of harm toward ourselves.
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Today we begin discussing the first chapter of "The Yamas and Niyamas" by Deborah Adele, all about non-violence. If you're like us, we had no idea this chapter would be so applicable in our daily lives...until we learned about the subtle forms of harm that show up all. the. time. (Who knew? We do it to ourselves.)
This months takeaways are:
MIND- Practice Courage: Do one thing each day you wouldn’t normally do.
BODY- Guard your Balance: Act on the messages of your body
PURPOSE- Regard yourself as whole: Notice how much kindness you can experience.
"The Yamas and Niyamas" by Deborah Adele is available through a free audible trial here or wherever you buy hard copy books (you can find it on Amazon here).
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This month we are beginning to discuss portions of our fave yogi book "The Yamas and Niyamas" by Deborah Adele. NO NEED to be a yogi of any sort to reeeeeally benefit from and love what this book has to offer! We hope you'll enjoy learning about how to apply ancient wisdom traditions to our daily lives as much as we do.
Note from the author:
I wish you richest blessings as you
become a more skilled participant in the
living of your life. May new possibilities
and untold joy surprise you daily.
Be sure to get your copy of the book from Amazon or through a free audible trial here.
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This is the final episode in this month's series on inadequacy; today's main takeaway is for our purpose:
Experience Every Phase as Sacred
If you want to follow along next month, we are discussing principles from Deborah Adele's book "Yamas and Niyamas" (which happens to be our favorite yogi book). To listen, get your free audible trial here:
www.audibletrial.com/mindbodypurpose
Or get a hardcopy through Amazon here.
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Today we are discussing the BODY takeaway for this month: choose unity over comparison.
We are continuing the conversation on instagram, so join us there! @mind.body.purpose
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This month we are taking time to assimilate all three takeaways from last week's episode, week by week. Today we are diving into the MIND takeaway: Trust in who you are.
April shares a real-life, every day scenario illustrating the struggle of feeling inadequate and what to do when it shows up. Much of this skill involves trusting in our capacity and our Heavenly Parent's capacity to help us navigate what comes.
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Do you have a social media account? How about friends? Family members? Neighbors? Do you have colleagues? Do you go to church events? Attend things for your kids? Grandkids? Do you have eyes? Ears? If you said yes to any of these questions, chances are you are keenly aware of the lives and paths others are on. You're also probably sizing yourself up. Which brings more questions-- is my life good enough? Am I good enough?
Feeling Inadequate is something we have all felt. I seem to have lived most of my life in this space. I have seen a lot through the lens of "I'm not enough." and maybe you have too. So, this month we are discussing takeaways to help us remove the power and sting of inadequacy.
MIND: Trust in who you are.
Who am I? Have you had that existential crisis moment where you take off your many hats and strip away all the titles only to wonder who you are? " I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents with a divine nature and eternal destiny."
A truth that is spoken to us over and over again. Ourdivine nature gives us a straight and narrow line to our Heavenly Parents by nothing other than birthright. We can strengthen it, but it’s always there.
When we doubt who we are, we have a tendency to look at others for validation, for a sense of where we should be, and a glimpse into what our path should look like. “For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it.” (D&C 132:22.) Instead of a one-size -fits-all path, we each have our own straight and narrow path, connecting us with our Heavenly Parents. We each have the same destination- eternal life, and hold to the gospel, companionship, and example of Jesus Christ- but, our paths will be as different as we are.
BODY: Choose unity over comparison
“The fact of the matter is, we really and truly need each other. Women naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship. We have so much to learn from one another, and we often let self-imposed barriers keep us from enjoying associations which could be among the greatest blessings in our lives.” (Bonnie L. Oscarson)
With people you can connect or compare, but you can't do both.
PURPOSE: Experience every phase as sacred
Sacred means to be connected to God or dedicated to a religious purpose and so deserving veneration (great respect or reverence).
If we can view each phase of our lives as being sacred, and as an opportunity to further connect with our Heavenly Parents, it puts the phase we are experiencing right now in a new light. Instead of wanting to push the fast forward button on some of our painful moments and phases, can we can just allow what is? If we know that everything is for our good, can we trust in ourselves to have the capacity to weather the storm? And trust that our Heavenly Parents will help us?
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Our topic for the past few episodes has been Loving Boldly-- (E42 Loving Boldly with Jessica Frew, E43 Double Down: Give yourself some credit)
The takeaway for the MIND was to Open your mind to the possibility of seeing ways to love in a new light.
This week, in a normal, everyday conversation with her mom, Michelle was able to draw from the things we talked about with opening our minds to see the situation in a new light. Remembering the concept "if you can't find compassion toward someone else, you are just messing around with the ego"-- she realized she could open her mind to compassion, and subsequently open her heart to a loving experience.
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Double Down application:
Takeaways from the feature episode-
MIND: Open your mind
BODY: Listen to your body when setting boundaries
PURPOSE: See the love around you
Each relationship we are in throughout our lives will have a different dynamic. And, that may change and evolve as we ourselves experience change and personal growth.
However, just because a relationship may feel different than it used to, it doesn’t mean that it can’t feel loving.
Feeling guilty that I’m not as close with certain people--
Instead: What does loving this person look like? What does deep care and concern actually look like?
Giving myself “credit” for actually caring, and dropping the guilt as if there’s something wrong in the amount I care -- which is not true. -- relief to realize that I do care, and this relationship can look different and still be just as loving.
When we find a relationship changing or evolving, here are a few things we have found that can help us navigate that relationship with love.
- Give yourself credit
- Drop the guilt
- Open your mind to what love might look like now (Gratitude for the season of good you may have had with them or/and Gratitude for what this person is teaching you -- still being love at all times)
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We had such a great time talking about LOVING BOLDLY with Jessica Frew of the Husband-in-law podcast.
On her podcast, she is a co-host with her ex-husband, and her current husband. They talk about marriage, ex-marriage, divorce, ex-divorce, coming out, and living boldly. You can find Jessica on instagram @husband_in_law or listen to her podcast of the same name wherever you listen to podcasts! (It's sooo good, we highly recommend it.)
One of Jessica’s super powers is definitely loving boldly-- she has worked to understand that and uses her experiences to help others. She discovered this power when she found out her first husband was gay 6 months into their marriage. They continued to be happily married for 5.5 more years after that point.
Through all of this, she learned how to give him the love that he needed and how to give herself the love that she needed at the same time. She has continued to learn to love him in a new way-- through infidelity, divorce, and post-divorce.
Takeaways to help us LOVE BOLDLY:
MIND: Open your mind
You will be in situations where you could never imagine loving someone.
But, when we open our minds to seeing love in a new way and in a new light, we become open to the possibilities of what love can look like and how different it can be.
It sounds simple, but if you can find a new perspective and see a relationship differently, you can love differently.
Love can be found everywhere-- it can be in different phases, in different shapes, and all encompassing.
BODY: Listen to your body when setting boundaries
Our bodies tell us so much about what we are feeling. Our bodies have so much power in telling us our boundaries and where we feel, or don’t feel safe.
If it is a situation or relationship that we do not feel safe in, a boundary has been crossed, and we need to adjust to make sure we are being loving to ourselves.
If we need to walk away from the conversation or situation, we can. We can be very clear. Oftentimes we need space to process our emotions, and it’s not the best time or place to do that when our bodies are telling us that our boundaries have been crossed.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is acknowledge that our relationship looks different and has different boundaries, and that’s ok.
PURPOSE: See the love around you
We were sent to this earth to learn to love ourselves and to love each other.
When we learn to love ourselves, we can learn to love others in ways we didn’t even imagine.
Open yourself up to see love in personal and unique ways.
When we open ourselves up to love in each unique person, we are able to live, not only in our purpose, but also see others’ and their purpose.
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Tangible application from our interview with Meg Tilton:
- Identify the small group of people in your life that have earned your trust; these are the people who's feedback we give some weight to (not the people giving feedback from the "cheap seats").
2. Feel the feelings that may have come up (rather than pretending that their words didn't hurt, acknowledge the pain in a way that simultaneously keeps worth intact).
- Listen to your inner knowing, your intuition, to make the decisions that feel right to you (despite what others may say).
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Today we are interviewing an amazing woman who is passionate about helping women find their self-assurance in life--
Meg is extending SUCH an generous offer to our listeners! It's a PDF download to assess where you are in regards to self-assurance in four main areas: Self-assurance with ones self, with God, with others, and in going after dreams and goals.
Here is the link:
https://mandapril.megtiltoncoaching.com/podcast
In addition, Meg is offering a FREE hour long session to the first 5 listeners!!!! You'll go over the worksheet and see where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there. I promise you'll want to take advantage of this offer!
Meg Tilton is a certified life coach working with women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since 2017. Meg has a deep belief that in order for the women of the church to accomplish all they want to, and that God intends for them to, they need to be rooted in their own self-assurance. To Meg, self-assurance is more than confidence.
Self-assurance is an internal belief in oneself to be able to accomplish and face any situation that comes your way. When you believe in yourself, you are unstoppable. She loves being able to help women see this potential in themselves and then go and live by it.
When Meg isn't coaching, she is spending time with her amazing husband, five kiddos, and adoring standard poodle "Nestle". She lives outside of St. Louis, Missouri and loves any form of good chocolate and a good movie. If they happen to come together, that's a bonus.
You can follow Meg on Instagram @megtiltoncoach and Facebook @megtiltoncoaching as well as her website at www.megtiltoncoaching.com.
To Solve for Self Doubt:
Mind: Own your decisions.
To be self-assured, we need to stop letting other people’s feelings and emotions drive our decision making process.
Body: Embrace the discomfort of decision making.
Decisions often force us to be uncomfortable--but that process is needed for our growth.
Purpose: Know Your “Why”.
Not everyone is going to like our decisions. But if we can clearly know our “why”, we will be able to keep moving forward toward our goal.
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We're adding a new feature to our podcast episodes, and are SO excited to share this with you--
Introducing our new Double Down Episodes, where we do a shorter, mini episode of sorts, diving a bit deeper into the topic from the last week. Giving you 2 weeks to apply each episode in your life, AND an episode that is completely dedicated to integrating one of the takeaways into your life in a meaningful way.
This week we are doubling down on "If you are alive, you are a leader."
Thinking about the opportunity for leadership in our lives, one attribute of a good leader is someone who is able to admit when they have made a mistake. In digging a bit deeper into our ability to lead where we stand, here is a little 3-step process to practice when we make mistakes in our "leadership" roles.
1) Admit the mistake (knowing it does not affect our worth)
2) Speak it to whoever needs to hear it
3) Do it with sincerity
Doing this on whatever level of leadership doesn't discount all the effort and amazing things we are doing. It also doesn't give us a free ride to not do our best and just fall back on "oh well! I make mistakes"
But, what it does do is create that trust and vulnerability to show others that we know that we make mistakes sometimes, and we aren't afraid to own them, to voice them, and to do our very best to learn and move forward.
Is there someone you have stewardship over that would benefit from you taking these steps?
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This week we are discussing leadership, which, is sometimes a topic that seems irrelevant to many, but, listen up, because we are about to argue that!
MIND: In what areas am I a leader?
“If you have a voice, you have influence to spread. If you have relationships, you have hearts to guide. If you know young people, you have futures to mold. If you have privilege, you have power to share. If you have money, you have support to give. If you have a ballot, you have policy to shape. If you have pain, you have empathy to offer. If you have freedom, you have others to fight for. If you are alive, you are a leader.” Abby Wombach (From the book, Wolfpack)
We are all leaders in some form at some time, sometimes more obvious than others (like positions and titles), but there is an element of leadership in everyone’s life experience. Even if our leadership role is one where we are the leaders of ourselves. (ex of leadership: parenting, friendship, church volunteering, coaching, work, social media)
We agree with Abby-- if you have a voice, if you have relationships, if you know young people, if you have privilege, if you have money, if you have the chance to vote, if you have experienced pain, if you have freedom of any kind, or if you are alive right now--- you are a leader.
To take it one step further in recognizing leadership in ourselves, Brene Brown defines a leader as “anyone who takes responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and ideas, and has the courage to develop that potential.”
You have the opportunity to look around yourself-- even right this moment-- and see where in your life you are leading. It might be a daily role, it might only happen now and again, but you are leading.
BODY: How can I take care of myself physically in order to show up?
Being a leader is less about who you are, and more about how you behave and show up in difficult situations.
True Leaders don’t need to be experts, they don’t need to have all the answers, they just need to be brave enough to use their influence and ideas for good.
A lot of times we are giving our all to the places and people we are leading without even knowing it. If we are constantly living our lives from a place of depletion, we will not be able to take care of ourselves the best way possible. It’s the empty cup analogy-- you cannot pour from an empty cup.
If we do not take care of ourselves, our physical well-being, our mental health, our self-care and self-love, we will not be able to show up the way we want in difficult situations.
PURPOSE: What can I offer today, and to who?
We have probably all experienced the goodness of another person and benefitted from the contributions or love of someone around us; every one of us has the same capacity to share goodness and love. We already are sharing something just by being on this planet-- might as well be intentional about it because then we get to experience it too in the giving of it!
“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves”
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We believe that women helping each other is paramount in our lives. Listen to hear why and how to have more of this experience in your life:
MIND: Seek support, ditch competition
When we are playing and truly having fun --laughing, dancing (the kind when you’re not self-conscious), sharing, bonding, giving a shoulder or a foot massage-- there’s no hierarchy. No one is better than or less than.
We need people (women) that we can have fun with.
We need people (women) that we can feel safe with, that we can share with.
When we are sharing our love and our stories and our insights and our struggles, there’s no better than, less than, it’s just love. And it’s simultaneously humbling and ennobling.
If we find ourselves in a "one up, one down" or "hierarchy" mode (thinking we are better-than or less-than), chances are we haven't had enough serotonin, or feel-good hormones, in our bodies. This is a natural default that our brains tend to fall into when we are low on serotonin.
BODY: Make contact, be seen
If we are going to support each other and feel supported, we have to have contact with each other.
Find ways to boost serotonin! This could be through physical contact like hugs, foot rubs, swapping massages. Or it could be phone calls, texts, conversations, questions, being interested, listening-- simply making the effort to have contact in some way.
Feeling alone or isolated has serious physical and mental health consequences. We aren’t intended to go through life alone; we need each other.
PURPOSE: Give love, receive love
Ask yourself if you are needing to work on giving more love, or practice receiving more love? When we give genuinely, and the receiver is a graciously receives, the exchange can be beautiful and somewhat magical. The same is true for being a genuinely gracious recipient. We can only give as deeply as we can receive.
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We recently did a little post on instagram, asking what are things ya'll would like to listen to discussed in a podcast, or which problems you were currently facing in life at the moment.
One of the responses was a listener who felt unprepared for a new calling/ volunteer position in their church congregation.
So...we did some digging, soul searching, and memory sharing, and came up with a few takeaways for when we're feeling overwhelmed and underqualified.
MIND: Remember that it’s not a reflection on you
Our inadequacies come from fear-- fear of not being good enough, fear that others will see us as what we are...which is messy and imperfect, or worse-- fear that they will judge us for being human. When we allow fear to take over, it usually means that we are in our own heads.
Yes, you are the one in the position, but at the end of the day, it’s about the people we are serving and developing connections and relationships with. If everything we do in that capacity is a reflection on us, it’s not going to go well. If it's all about us, there is no room for mistakes, and that sets us up for failure.
BODY: Fit it into your life
Maybe set up a reminder for yourself to keep it on your radar. Fit whatever it is into YOUR life. It doesn't need to completely take over. We can find a balance that works for us individually.
Also fit it into your personality. What is one way I can approach this situation that is unique to my talents and personality? We each have strengths and the ability to contribute in a way that is personal to us. Remember that what YOU have to offer--whatever that looks like, in any capacity, is needed.
PURPOSE: Be open-minded
Your way might look different, and it should because we aren’t cookie-cutter people. Just because something has always been done one way, doesn’t mean that’s the way it needs to keep going. You might see things differently, and that is awesome! Bring your perspective.
Sometimes we think “this is going to be hard-- a huge commitment” etc. without the open-minded freedom to believe it will fit in my life with my personality and abilities, AND I can do it.
Try to wrap your head around being open to the discomfort that might come along with growth. Most things that are worthwhile will in some way, shape, or form, stretch us. There may be some difficult relationship moments as we work with other people and have differing opinions, but there might also be amazing moments where we are able to interact with people from different perspectives that enhance ours.
Hopefully today's takeaways can help us when we feel unprepared for something we are facing. Hard things require a lot of courage and vulnerability...which aren't usually fun to feel, but worth the endeavor. You've got this.
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We have discussed a little bit in previous episodes about being an energy ninja of sorts--
Energy is a compilation of your body language, attitude, and frame of mind.
We all have a set of energy skills, and similar to an unmanaged mind, when we don't manage these skills, it can be problematic, but when we manage them well, they can enhance our life experience. Noticing other people's energy, and taking on their energy are both skills we (most likely) naturally have.
This is where the ninja skills comes in-- Sometimes we want to mirror the energy we perceive from a person or situation, and other times we need to protect our energy with a bubble and dodge the energy we don't want to walk away with or absorb. We can become aware of ourselves in these situations and hone these skills by:
MIND: Take responsibility for the energy you bring
We carry energy with us-- and being aware of that fact is huge! Whether we like it or not, we influence one another. Sometimes it's mild, subdued and close to you, and sometimes it might be bigger and broader. It doesn't have to always be extra positive energy, but it can be good energy filled with hard and heavy emotions.
Have you ever interacted with someone who is suffering under the weight of a really difficult trial, but still has a peaceful or loving energy about them? Energy is the underlying current. You can sense there is something maybe different, like maybe they are processing hard emotions, but the energy they are responsible for isn't draining or negative.
No matter the energy we have, we are responsible for the energy we bring to any given interaction.
BODY: Practice energy adaptability
In some situations, it will serve us to mirror or match the energy of the interaction, and other times it definitely is more beneficial to use those ninja skills and dodge that energy.
You may not want to match the energy of a gossipy friend, a tantruming child, a grumpy spouse, a complaining co-worker, or a family member who has a victim mentality.
On the opposite side, you may want to match your partner's energy in an intimate situation, a friend's energy in mourning or frustration, the calming energy of a sleeping baby, or the excitement of a concert.
By being aware of energy, we get to decide when it is most beneficial for us to adapt to the energy we are sensing. We can ask ourselves-- Is adapting to the energy in this situation more helpful, or is holding my energy more helpful?
Another way to observe and use our agency in a powerful way.
PURPOSE: Let love radiate
Empathy is best experienced when we can match someone's energy, being able to tap into that energy and being in the moment. Empathy is an outward expression of love.
Allowing your energy to radiate love allows us to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort." If love can be the driving force, the underlying energy, we will show up the way we want to. A loving energy is an energy that benefits everyone. Love always wins.
“As you dissolve into love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about loving, you’re just being love. Radiating like the sun.” (Ram Dass)
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Talking about our bodies tends to be a vulnerable topic, and as women, we are conditioned from a very young age to be concerned about our bodies. Which poses the question, is there a time that you can recall, where you realized bodies were something we should be concerned with?
We tend to live at odds with our bodies, thinking they aren’t enough (not fit enough, not functioning how we want it to, not pretty enough, not healthy enough, not strong enough, not enough energy, not the right shape or size etc.) Or maybe we have been taught that our bodies are carnal, of the world, not to be trusted, impulsive, need to be tamed and controlled, full of appetites and passions etc that we are supposed to overcome or suppress, or else we are sinful.
Today we are hoping to shift the concentration from theshapes and proportions of our bodies to how our body functions, realizing all the things we can do in and because of our bodies, and acknowledging the magnitude of the brilliance of our physical form.
MIND: Allow your relationship to evolve.
The way we feel about our body is a relationship-- and relationships change over time. Our body has evolved as we have evolved. We learn and grow and stretch, and oftentimes our body does too. Like any relationship, we can strengthen the relationship we have with our bodies. The more we get to know our bodies, the more time we spend with our bodies, the more we learn how to best care for that relationship, the better it will be.
When I think back to times I have been happy and proud of my body, it was when it looked and functioned the way I expected and wanted it to. When it looked the way I thought it should, I was happy with it. And when it doesn’t-- does it deserve less of my love and appreciation? Is that how an important and meaningful relationship should work? Just because we have felt pressured to look a certain way and to be sorely disappointed with ourselves when we don’t before, does not mean we have to continue that. We can allow our relationship to expand as we do.
BODY: Show up for your body everyday.
How do you balance being grateful and at peace with the way something is right now, and also want to change for the better? This question can be related to our bodies. Our answer is this-- The motivation to continue to grow, love, and deepen our understanding of who we really are comes from being grateful and at peace with who we are right now.
Make sure your body has a voice that you listen to, and you show your body that you value that voice by responding to it's signals and giving heed to it's direction. Do what you can to listen to your body everyday. Then show up for it.
PURPOSE: Focus on the union of body and spirit
When we care for our bodies, we enhance our spiritual abilities. We are not just a body and a spirit-- we are embodied human beings.
When we just focus on the body, we become a slave to the way society dictates that we function and appear. We rely on opinions and viewpoints outside of ourselves. When we ignore our bodies, there is so much harm that is done there.
What does it look like when I am glorifying (to praise and worship) my Heavenly Parents with my body? Our bodies are a place where the presence of our Heavenly Parents can be known and experienced.
We share a quote from author Ruth Haley Barton who illustrates the fact that when the Savior asked us to remember him, He gave us something to do with our bodies- partake of the bread and water- to remember His body. "And the metaphor for the presence of the living Christ here on earth is, of all things, a body!”
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Introducing an episode of things we that we've got rolling around in our heads-- On the Brain is a peek into real time experiences and thoughts where we are oftentimes inspired to discuss topics for the podcast.
MIND: Be with your Experience
A lot of times when we are in the middle of something, we are wanting-- usually more pleasure or less discomfort.
In order to just be with the current experience, we can actively concentrate on something that will keep us in the experience we're having.
Michelle has been diagnosed with Covid-19, and instead of wanting to escape the discomfort, she is concentrating on allowing herself to be in the (albeit awful) experience of sickness. She is finding firsthand that resisting the sickness isn't the same as fighting the sickness. Allowing her mind to be in the experience is giving her body the best environment for fighting the illness.
One way to almost automatically be present in an experience is to... breathe.
April has found that the practice of yoga has brought her awareness to her breathe in any given situation enhances her ability to find access strength in each experience, whether it’s pleasure or discomfort.
BODY: Add the simple good
We live in a culture that is always trying to cut things out. Less calories, less sugar, less fat, less carbs, less screen time, etc. Rather than obsessing about cutting the bad, shifting to adding more nourishment is helpful and healthful!
Instead of cutting diet coke, April has begun adding in more water.
Michelle tries to put the good in first with a drink and/or apple before a sugary treat. We aren't depriving ourselves, but giving a bonus chance to nourish our bodies! Many times it can be simple-- fruits & veggies first, use the stairs, walk from the back of the parking lot, or hydrate with water.
By default, our bodies will soak up the nourishment and we can see what adding the simple good can do to enhance our physical experience!
PURPOSE: Bring Spirituality into Physical parts of our lives.
April is starting to listen to the book Everything is Spiritual (if you want to join in on the fun, go to audibletrial.com/mindbodypurpose.)
Notice how our Physical and Spiritual health coincide, they have the potential to enhance one another, which can be amazing for fully experiencing life.
A lot of times, when April considers her health, she thinks of doing things now that her future self will thank her for. In doing that, she tries to tap into her ability to operate as the highest version of herself. Not because she is avoiding regret, but because if she can combine treating her physical body well right now, she will increase her wellness, and that will enhance her spirituality.
Instead of physical beings having a spiritual experience, we are Spiritual beings having Physical experience.
“Please remember that one of the essential objectives of our earthly existence is for our spirits to take control of the physical elements of our lives so both can work in harmony to serve higher and eternal purposes. It is one of the conditions we must fulfill to find true happiness in this life and inherit eternal glory.” (Gerald Causse)
If we can intertwine our spirituality with each physical experience, the present moment (along with the memory of that moment), will be more meaningful.
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Having a divisive mentality that puts us on opposing sides has become a norm for us. We are used to categorizing ourselves as polar opposites, and subsequently, are having a hard time finding a middle ground of unity.
Looking at things in an "Us vs Them" frame of mind keeps us stuck. It stunts our growth, our creativity, and our ability to have compassion for others. It oversimplifies issues, people, and causes. How many times are we trying to be “not them” that we end up becoming like “them” through our judgment. An Us vs Them approach will almost always expose our hypocrisy.
It can also have a tendency to make things appear more dire. We begin to alter our mindset into thinking ourselves we need to stay away from “them”, saying things like “they” are so wicked, “The world” is so awful. Etc
So, today we are exploring ways to help us dissolve this mentality and move toward unifying frame of mind by concentrating on the only things we can do to contribute to the cause, which is to thoughtfully examine ourselves.
MIND: Practice “Intervism”
The term intervism comes from author Elizabeth Lesser. To define intervism, we must first look at activism. Activism is an action you take to support or oppose one side of a (usually controversial issue). An action outside yourself. If we only focus on what is happening outside of us, we can miss the glaringly obvious that can be happening internally. That's where intervism comes to play!
Intervism is looking inside at our own personal prejudices, judgments, and biases. If we are only engaging in activism, we are losing sight of the importance of being able to take responsibility for how WE think ad behave. (Activism is equally as important, because it elicits change outside of us, however, in an Us vs. Them frame of mind, it's typically much more comfortable to be able to see problems outside of us-- with the "other side" rather than facing the uncomfortable truth of how we are contributing from our position.)
BODY: Find interest in new perspectives
If we are finding ourselves deep in Us vs Them, chances are we can't even begin to fathom seeing the "other side's" point of view. Which means we are probably living in some sort of an echo chamber... and our biases are getting deeper and deeper.
We aren't meant to all have the same thoughts on everything. We are not cookies cutters, we are human beings with different experiences, families, cultures, and knowledge. To come closer to a place of understanding, we need to expand our viewpoints.
This might look like: reading a book, listening to a podcast, talking to someone new, seeking to understand, asking questions our of curiosity-- leaving the judgment behind!
Be open for finding truth in something that you don't immediately agree with. Allow yourself to become an extreme listener. Listening to the experiences of someone you consciously or unconsciously believe to be different than you can open your mind and heart to them.
"It's hard to hate close up." (Brene Brown)
PURPOSE: Remember our common humanity
We are all much more alike than we are different. A lot of times, even if we are on opposite sides of a topic, we both want the same thing ultimately-- what is best for our families, to feel accepted, loved, and heard. To know that we matter.
“Connection heals, separation causes pain.”
Seeing ALL people as humans worth and equally loved by Heavenly Parents will help us look for understanding with neighbors, friends, and family members that are not on the same side as we perceive ourselves to be. Before we are ____________________ (insert any political party, religion, etc) We are human beings. My voice does not carry more importance than someone with different circumstances, thoughts, viewpoints than my own.
We really are all one and the same.
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This month we've been discussing systems to put into place to help us achieve the goals we desire.
One of the identities we want to take on, is one of someone who is compassionate-- able to see things from others' perspectives, and understand their experiences from a place of love. In our search for ways to practice compassion, we found that compassion is best practiced first on ourselves.
Oftentimes we are willing to accept the happy, positive parts of ourselves, but genuine compassion is being able to understand ALL parts of who we are...and that includes our mistakes and shortcomings. Self-compassion is not a way of judging ourselves positively, but is a way of relating to ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves as we are, flaws and all. By honoring the limitations of our own human imperfection, we can be more forgiving of others' mistakes.
MIND: Make friends with yourself
True friends strive to understand one another. We can deepen our relationship with ourselves by seeing ourselves in a softer light.
Thing about trying to understand yourself the way you would a close friend, or someone you love unconditionally.
BODY: Gift comfort to your body
As women, we naturally give comfort to others. I can think of so many times that I have comforted a child or spouse-- rubbing their back, wiping tears, pushing hair behind their ears, or pulling them close. Are we showing that same comfort to ourselves?
Anything we can do to improve how we feel physically gives us a dose of self-compassion.
We need physical compassion. Maybe we ask a spouse or loved one for a hug when we're feeling down, or make time for a pedicure or a mid-day nap. Cook or order ourselves a nourishing meal, massage our feet or go for a walk. Any way we can use supportive touch to help us feel calm, safe, and showing self compassion in a physical manner.
PURPOSE: Embody charity as a state of being
Offering love to ourselves and others will always sustain us.
If we can offer ourselves compassion, by extension, charity is what we will experience. We will embody the pure love of Christ as a state of being, rather than something we do.
A former prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, President Thomas Monson, teaches: “Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.”
The more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we are able to open them up to others.
We can embody charity by being generous with our acceptance of ourselves, by offering compassion and understanding to our human qualities, and seeing value in all of who we are.
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In this episode we are diving in a bit deeper to discuss the PURPOSE takeaway from S2 E27- New Year Solutions, Remember it's a process, not an outcome.
--The past couple of episodes, including this one, have been based on principles we have learned from listening to Atomic Habits by James Clear. If you don't already have an audible account, you can go to audibletrial.com/mindbodypurpose and listen for free! We highly recommend it!--
1) Win over and over again
If you focus on the outcome, you win one time. But, if you optimize on the process, you win over and over again.
There is a lot of satisfaction to be found in the the pursuit of something.
As long as we are “pointed” in the direction we desire, or are on the “path,” then we get to feel how we want to feel right now. We get to experience in advance the feelings we are hoping to feel once we have accomplished the goal at hand. We don’t suddenly feel the way we want to when we achieve something. Rather, we feel it in advance and then once we achieve it, it feels normal. Because we are on the path to achieve our goals, actively engaged in the process, we are already going to be experiencing those feelings along the way. If we are only focusing on the goal, we miss on so much that is in the lead up.
By focusing on the process, or the pursuit, it keeps us in the here and now. Having the ability to stay present and utilize mindfulness will help us see the everyday victories in our processes. By definition, mindfulness is experiencing the present while you are in it. Often we beat ourselves up for something we did, or didn't do in the past, or we are looking too far ahead to realize what is happening in the here and now. Being mindful keeps us in a safe space, allowing us to take things one habit and one step at a time. If we concentrate on the process, it forces us to take one step, one habit, one moment at a time.
Trust in the process.
2) Make peace with making mistakes
If we're focusing on the process, we get to win over and over again, but we also might find that we are failing over and over again as well. And that is to be expected! Every time we fall short of where we anticipated, it is an opportunity to show ourselves that we are capable of being resilient. We will be building the habit of getting back up again.
Failures and mistakes are lessons and opportunities for growth, not a negative reflection on our abilities or self worth. If we are focused on the process, we will be able to see that clearly and view setbacks as a challenge, not a paralyzing event.
Our inner dialogue matters-- if we believe that we cannot start again, we will find a way to prove ourselves right.
3) Celebrate others’ success
As we are creating these processes, and doing our best to focus on them, it can be tempting to compare our process to someone else's, especially someone who we perceive as already succeeding at what we are trying to accomplish. If we can replace the temptation to compare, with the inspiration to cheer them on, it will transform us!
If we can genuinely celebrate others, it allows us to feel secure in our process and our life. It will take us out of competition, and help us practice our belief in the possibility of our own success.
Seeing success in others, and celebrating them can shift our energy into abundance and gratitude.
We'll be able to see our potential and be grateful for the process. There is beauty in the becoming.
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In this episode, we're breaking down the BODY takeaway from (s2 e 27) New Year Solutions-- Create a system to make it easy.
This episode is largely inspired by the book, Atomic Habits, by James Clear.
--Download it now, for free! Got to audibletrial.com/mindbodypurpose-- (We HIGHLY recommend it!)
Systems are the HOW in achieving goals. Everyone can have the same goal, but it’s the execution of the systems in place to support those goals that really make the difference.
It’s much easier to make change in the “energy” world first (meaning the intangible, the thoughts, the feelings, the identity) and then bring it into the physical world, than to try to elicit change the other way around.
If we are trying to change things in the physical world and we don’t have the identity in place or the belief or the “energy” part in alignment, it will be like swimming upstream. You might make some progress, but it will be a lot of effort and resistance and struggle. Rather, if we first genuinely believe and take on the identity and feel it energetically, then the physical part comes much more naturally; it’s just a matter of pulling it into the physical world.
“Our success already exists on a spiritual level; it’s a matter of bringing it into the physical world.” -Sarah Ban Breathbach
Today’s takeaways are designed to support your beliefs that we talked about last week (taking on the identity, gathering evidence, and taking pride).
1. Set both a Minimum and a Maximum
These are things than can be done on a daily basis.
Ex: Minimum: I was my face with cleanser every day. Maximum: I was my face with cleanser, then apply toner, serum, moisturizer, etc. The minimum effort is something that you will realistically accomplish on any given day. The maximum is the highest potential you can possibly think to reach.
This helps us celebrate the small victories, and place "votes" for the habits and identity we want to create!
“You do not rise to the level of your goals, but fall to the level of your systems.” James Clear
2. Be adaptable
Keep the goal in mind, but be flexible in the system that will feel most right for you.
If your goal is to exercise, but the system you've put into place is running, and maybe you decide you don't enjoy running, you won't continue with that system. Be adaptable in finding the system that is satisfying for you, and pay attention to the timing of your system-- Consider when you're most likely to be successful.
This will help you stick with that system, and ultimately achieve the same goal that you set out for!
3. Take advantage of habit stacking
Stacking Habits is identifying a current habit you already do, and then stacking a new behavior on top.
“After (insert current habit), I will (new habit).”
Your current habits and behaviors are already built in your brain, and is familiar territory strengthened over time. Adding a new habit or behavior onto a already established habit will reinforce the new habit.
Habit stacking builds a natural momentum and jump-starts the systems that will ultimately help us achieve our goals.
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This week's episode is a continuation of E27 (New Year Solutions), delving deeper into the takeaway for the
MIND-- which is to Take on the identity of someone who already does what you want to do. Largely based on the book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.
-- Listen to the audible version of "Atomic Habits" for free by going to audibletrial.com/mindbodypurpose--
“The process of building habits is the process of building yourself” -James Clear.
Building our lives one habit at a time feels doable, and breaking that thought down even further to trying on habits as a suggestion, ultimately deciding "Maybe this is who I am?!" with each habit we try.
These 3 takeaways will help us take on the Identity we want:
1- Access Creativity
A lot of times we like the idea of taking on a new identity, but we also resist fully embracing that identity. For example, if you are trying to nourish your body with healthier foods, you may think, "I should eat these vegetables." Thinking you should do something isn't taking on the identity. However, if you can access a little creativity and ask yourself, "What would someone who is intentionally choosing healthy eating put in their body?" you can assume the identity. Either way, you're placing more nourishing food on your plate and in your body, but the frame of mind you have in getting to that result can compound. One approach leads to an identity shift, one tells you what you should do, and the latter isn't a long term frame of mind.
Using creativity in finding a way to hold ourselves accountable for a shift in identity is so helpful to our ultimate success. If we can surround ourselves with people who will support our identity in lifestyle, words, or being a partner in creating that system, we will more naturally move into taking on that identity.
2-Generate New Evidence
A new identity in a particular areas requires new evidence. If you do what you've always done, you'll get the same result you've always gotten.
When looking to find new evidence to support your identity, each habit is a vote for the identity you'll ultimately create.
But, just like an election, the winner doesn't need to have every single vote in their favor. "...there are going to be votes for both sides. You don’t need a unanimous vote to win an election; you just need a majority. It doesn’t matter if you cast a few votes for a bad behavior or an unproductive habit. Your goal is simply to win the majority of the time.”
3- Take Pride
The more pride we have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated we will be to maintain the habits associated with it.
Ex: If I take pride in my hair, the more motivated I am to maintain the habits associated with supporting the habits of hair care--coloring, cutting, washing, styling, product researching and purchasing, etc.
Another area to take pride in, is knowing that even if the goal isn't achieved, or the habit isn't accomplished yet, things are moving!
A shift in energy feels good, and momentum is powerful.
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Instead of resolutions or goals, we are talking about SYSTEMS.
"Put your energy into building better habits, not chasing better results." -James Clear
MIND: Take on the identity as someone who already does what you want to do.
If we don't think of ourselves (really truly) as someone with the capacity to be or have the result we want, then we won't actually get there. We might see some progress here and there, but if we are actually going to experience a result we want, we have to believe that it's even a possibility.
If the identity seems like too big of a stretch, we can mentally "massage" the idea or the identity until we get to something that feels more true and is also moving us in that direction. April gives the example of wanting the identity of someone who likes to exercise, which feels more true than the identity of someone who is disciplined, getting up early for 6am workouts.
BODY: Create a system to make it easy.
Constantly "swimming upstream" isn't the way to get what we want. If it feels like a lot of effort, or there's lots of obstacles, there's a better way. Taking the time to create a system removes the obstacles and sets us up for success and makes it easy. When we have a system in place, the rest takes care of itself.
For example, if you want to get up to workout, your system might include signing up in advance for a class, planning it with a friend, letting your spouse or family know what to expect, and setting out your clothes and shoes the night before.
PURPOSE: Remember it’s a process, not an outcome.
Progress is never perfectly linear. We logically probably understand this, but then when we feel a "dip" or a setback, it's easy to think it's' not working or that we'll never get the result we want. Remembering that lifestyle is what delivers results, not goals, helps keep our perspective in a healthy place.
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Today is all about experiencing the holidays how we want to; we're talking expectations, family dynamics, indulging, communication, non-tangible parts of Christmas, and even some on how to give and receive gifts
MIND: Rehearse your experiences mentally in advance.
Taking the time to create in our minds our own experience helps us to create the feelings and the energy we bring into situations. If we know we will be seeing someone who is difficult or if we are simply wanting to be our most loving self, we can visualize and mentally create that experience in advance for ourselves, making it much easier to show up in the demeanor and presence and awareness that we want to.
BODY: Make your physical well-being a priority.
As we tend to take on additional tasks during the holidays, it's easy to let our regular regime shift in favor of less supportive behaviors. If we can keep our physical well-being a priority, we are more likely to have the energy, the patience, the presence, the intentionality, and the supportive choices that we really want.
PURPOSE: Reflect on what is important to you during the holidays.
Communicate clearly to yourself and your loved ones what is important to you. We behave as though physical tasks are the most important, but in reality the reasons behind them is what helps us to feel and experience the things we want to. Spending time with people we love, showing love and appreciation to those who mean so much, cultivating connection, helping others feel seen and loved, and ultimately looking for ways to emulate the Savior.
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Feeling the overwhelm of things to-do and/or other mental noise? Today we are sharing three strategies to help bring more enjoyment into our everyday life experiences, and less of the chaos we feel in overwhelm.
MIND: Find a way to make the task more enjoyable.
This us were we intentionally choose a way to shift energy: we add music or movement or a friend or a drink --just something that "sweetens the deal." Remember that enjoyment is always an option. Tasks can get accomplished wether we are feeling stressed or not. The stressful part is actually optional.
BODY: Transfer the mental clutter.
When our minds get filled up, it's easy to get lost and not even know where to begin. It's like being in a room full of piles and not being able to move around. Moving the mental clutter out of our heads and onto paper gives us mental space to move around in our head. It frees up precious brain activity for our higher thinking mind, and helps us consolidate or find better solutions, simply by getting it all out of our spinning brain and onto paper.
PURPOSE: Remember your higher purpose.
Taking a higher perspective helps us to gauge what we really value most, and let that steer our decisions. For example, at times our values might be in conflict and we need to choose what reflects our highest purpose best: Maybe the laundry can wait. Maybe it's okay to be late to an event. Maybe we can be peaceful and productive at the same time.
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Life is full of messy emotions.
Today we are sharing real-life examples and breaking it all down to see exactly how we can handle the messiness with grace, capacity, and confidence.
Every emotion serves us as long as we interpret it in a way that adds a powerful meaning to our life; something that moves us forwards instead of backwards.
MIND: Aware - Identify the emotion as it comes
Expanding our emotional vocabulary can make all the difference in understanding what's really going on inside of us. Rather than feeling "mad" or "hurt," maybe we are actually feeling jealous or inferior. Identifying the emotion when it comes up can be very instructive and help us gain a better understanding of ourselves.
Click HERE for a downloadable Feeling Wheel from the Gottman Institute.
BODY: Allow - Sit with the Sensation
There is power in experiencing emotions. It’s part of our human experience, and we are supposed to feel.
So often we push our messy emotions down or away or pretend they aren't the truth, and then they rear up causing problems later. If we can learn to sit with the uncomfortable sensations, knowing that they aren't a sign of weakness and our value is not at stake, then we can learn a lesson from the uncomfortable messenger of messy emotions.
PURPOSE: Assess - What is the underlying wisdom?
Assessing our messy emotions is not about punishing ourselves or justifying ourselves. Rather, it’s about coming to the center of compassion, curiosity and understanding.
Generally, when we truly gain a new perspective or new wisdom surrounding a messy emotion, there is an element of increased love. There's a new way of understanding ourselves and each other, and new way we get to practice love-- and that's actually what we are here on earth for-- to practice our capacity to love.
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We are all about gratitude over here-- in fact, we do a gratitude segment on our instagram page every Thursday (AND last year, we recorded episode 74 on how gratitude cures-it-all.) We will shout it from the roof-tops because we are such big believers in the power of gratitude!
Science shows that people who are grateful:
- sleep better
- experience more joy
- are mentally and physically healthier
- have higher self-esteem
- are more resilient in challenging life circumstances
Gratitude boosts all that is good, and takes the edge off of all that is difficult; we like to think of it as "emotional ibuprofen."
Today's takeaways:
MIND: Know that being grateful and wanting more is not a conflict.
Being grateful for what we have and simultaneously wanting more is how we are designed to progress (in fact, it’s how we are taught to pray).
When we want from a place of gratitude, our desires can be a guide, or a pointer in the direction of what we can offer the world. It can steer us in the toward our natural talents, instincts, or gifts that we can both enjoy and share with the world.
Feeling guilty for wanting something only keeps us where we are. It prevents progress.
BODY: Practice creating the physical feeling of gratitude.
Gratitude has the potential to become a habit; the more we practice, the stronger the neural pathways become and it gets easier to “default” to gratitude.
Consider how it feels in the body, and how we are the creators of that feeling (whether it comes intentionally or not).
I feel gratitude largely in my heart or chest area-- it’s where the tangible parts of life and the non-tangible parts meet. (Earth and heaven come together here.)
Listen to hear as April shares her experience getting to a sincere place when needing to offer an important apology; she has found herself making a list reasons why she's grateful for the other person, shifting thoughts and feelings to an entirely different experience. It takes mental effort, but it tangibly shifts the experience in the body and makes all the difference in the world.
PURPOSE: Start today becoming the person you eventually want to be.
(Quote from Dieter Uchtdorf)
Rather than thinking we'll eventually have more wisdom or eventually be "that" kind of person, gratitude helps us begin now to experience the future version of ourselves, as we simultaneously experience our current circumstances.
It's like having "one foot" in our current experience and another "foot" in the grounded place of peace and love and gratitude, aware of who we are being. It brings perspective wether we are experiencing something beautiful or something difficult.
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Part 2 from last week's episode on feeling judged!
When we feel judged, we often will simultaneously find ourselves in a space of judging. Whether we are the "judgor" or the "judgee," we end up experiencing judgement. We are calling this the "pit of judgement."
MIND: What am I revealing about myself with this judgement?
When we judge another, we aren't defining them, rather we are defining ourselves. It can reveal to us something that we are judging ourselves about, or something that is unhealed in us, or something that we feel insecure or shameful about. Being curious and even amused by our own judgments of others can be instructive because it's like showing ourselves a mirror --it can teach us something about what is going on inside of us.
BODY: How can I re-write this story to feel compassionate?
Rather than judging ourselves for be judgmental, this is an opportunity to re-wire our thoughts or re-write the story that we have created. It's an intentional shift in our minds to find compassion. I like to think of people in terms of their future self --the version of them that has learned all the lessons and has become wise and glorified, because it helps me see the current moments with less judgement and more understanding and patience and love. Whatever we are in judgment about, is actually just a moment in their story, a blip in the eternal scheme of things. Having this perspective feels a lot better and gives space for me to feel better about myself too.
"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
PURPOSE: How can I shift from judgement to discernment?
I used to believe that loving and accepting all meant to allow all into my space. Over the years, I discovered that there's a difference between being loving and accepting and simultaneously using wise judgement or discernment to choose what influences to allow into my life space. It's totally possible to love and accept other people who we don't agree with. We don't have to hate or shun or push away in order to choose not to have something as an influence in our lives.
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Part of the human experience is judging and feeling judged. When we feel judged, our instinct is usually to either fight back, be defensive, prove our case and justify, OR to turn our back, build a wall, discredit the source, and feel divided.
Rather than responding to judgement with "fight" or "flight," today we are discussing other ways to address judgement, so that we can experience our lives more intentionally, more peaceably, more connectedly, and more in line with who we want to be.
MIND: Know that your worth is not at stake.
Regardless of feedback or judgement we might receive from others (or even from ourselves), the truth is that our value is constant. Even though we might feel terrible or we might think that we have done something wrong and we are deserving of judgement, at the core we are still of worth. Always.
If we feel defensive and like we need to build a case for our choices, we are probably feeling fearful or shameful, and looking for validation. If we are already sure of our innate goodness, our well-intendedness, our love, then we don't need to fear or defend or explain, but rather we can sit in peace, knowing the truth of who we are. Don't fight back, don't defend, don't judge back.
BODY: Choose what to let in to your space.
Visualize a "bubble" of protection and know that the energy of other people's feedback doesn't have to internalize in your space. Give yourself the gift of choosing what to consider and what to let slide away. Be an "energy ninja," capable of staying grounded and at peace no matter what is coming your way, because you can gracefully move and dodge and shift to let foreign energy pass on by.
This is also an opportunity to practice feeling amused; being able to "sit back" and be an observer brings some lightness instead of unnecessary gravity to perceived judgement. Amusement helps us to forgive ourselves as well as others.
PURPOSE: Do something kind.
When we feel judged, kindness is not typically our default. BUT it is a powerful place to direct ourselves, because kindness has a way of shifting our current experience into something that feels nourishing and beautiful. It takes us out of our "lower" brains and into a higher place where we get to experience more of who we really are.
The best example we have of someone who dealt with being judged is Jesus Christ; he knew who he was, and therefore wasn’t shaken by other people’s judgements or opinions. Kindness was his default. Judgements didn’t enter and influence his spirit; he had the personal authority to see the truth, and stay in a place of love.
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In this episode, we discuss why nurturing the feminine is so powerful and important, no matter your gender.
All humans have both masculine and feminine energy.
“Both energies exist within each of us in varying amounts. Learning how to engage both fully is what ends up making a person psychologically, emotionally, and physically well. Just as you wouldn’t operate a remote control with only one battery, you need both of these energies as your power sources. They’re necessary tools for shaping your life.” (Alissa Vitti)
Our world tends to value thing associated with masculinity because it is results based. It's what our physical world reminds us of-- work to do, things to accomplish, and goals to achieve.
Feminine energy on the other hand is experiential. It's soothing, nurturing, connecting, compassionate, rejuvenating, and slower paced. It's the space where creativity, spontaneity, and emotions live.
When we experience an imbalance of masculine energy, we find ourselves over-worked, under-rested, anxious, resentful, and critical of our lack of accomplishments.
Finding more of a balance with feminine energy and feminine traits helps us to live our best lives.
MIND: Silence the inner critic, and access the voice that encourages and celebrates you
Our inner critic will always point to our areas of lack. Rather than listening to this voice, cultivate a different inner voice that is your support, your inner wisdom, your inner cheerleader.
BODY: Incorporate creativity: laughter, song, dance, art, music, soulful expression
“Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing; We are not alone.” -Brene Brown
PURPOSE: Access femininity in roles of support and leadership
Roles of leadership are often associated with the masculine energy of power and accomplishment; when we can add to it the feminine powers of creativity, connection, transformation, and nurturing support, we create a more complete offering as leaders.
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We believe that women helping each other is paramount in our lives. Listen to hear why and how to have more of this experience in your life:
MIND: Seek support, ditch competition
When we are playing and truly having fun --laughing, dancing (the kind when you’re not self-conscious), sharing, bonding, giving a shoulder or a foot massage-- there’s no hierarchy. No one is better than or less than.
We need people (women) that we can have fun with.
We need people (women) that we can feel safe with, that we can share with.
When we are sharing our love and our stories and our insights and our struggles, there’s no better than, less than, it’s just love. And it’s simultaneously humbling and ennobling.
If we find ourselves in a "one up, one down" or "hierarchy" mode (thinking we are better-than or less-than), chances are we haven't had enough serotonin, or feel-good hormones, in our bodies. This is a natural default that our brains tend to fall into when we are low on serotonin.
BODY: Make contact, be seen
If we are going to support each other and feel supported, we have to have contact with each other.
Find ways to boost serotonin! This could be through physical contact like hugs, foot rubs, swapping massages. Or it could be phone calls, texts, conversations, questions, being interested, listening-- simply making the effort to have contact in some way.
Feeling alone or isolated has serious physical and mental health consequences. We aren’t intended to go through life alone; we need each other.
PURPOSE: Give love, receive love
Ask yourself if you are needing to work on giving more love, or practice receiving more love? When we give genuinely, and the receiver is a graciously receives, the exchange can be beautiful and somewhat magical. The same is true for being a genuinely gracious recipient. We can only give as deeply as we can receive.
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For purposes of this episode, our definition of personal authority is: the right to know, choose, speak, and act what is true for yourself and live it in the world. (Very much agency related.)
Versions of personal authority discussed in this episode:
- believing what you feel is good and right and true (even if it doesn’t align with the beliefs of others who you love and respect)
- making life choices, even if others don’t understand or agree
- having the ability to hold space for your feelings, and simultaneously offer space for other people to have theirs (and recognizing the difference between my thoughts and feelings and other people's thoughts and feelings)
- being able to say no, peacefully and lovingly
- choosing to make your (authentic and loving) inner voice the most important one for you
- having “seniority” in your life experience; other people, other influences may only enter your experience if and when you want them to
MIND: Trust in the most authentic version of your voice.
Notice what "voices" in our life are the loudest, and what voices we are giving “authority” to, knowing that we can choose. Is the voice that we are giving authority to kind and loving?
BODY: Trust that your body always knows best.
Honoring our body signals will always always always serve us. Practice being aware of body signals and learn to understand what our bodies really need; maybe we need a deep breath, a minute to close our eyes, a drink of water, a change of scenery or body position, a stretch, or some time outside.
PURPOSE: Trust in your ability to create and live a purposeful life.
Rather than waiting to be needed or waiting for someone else to see our gifts or talents, we have the ability (and even the responsibility) to contribute and create and serve and share in the ways that we can. We all have the capacity to create and live a purposeful life.
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Fixed beliefs might seem “comfortable” because they feel stable and secure and predictable. BUT if we get overly dogmatic about our beliefs, our ability to grow and progress can be seriously limited, and the world can feel very scary and unpredictable. It can also cause us to be stuck and defensive when we are overly concerned with our "rightness."
Today we are talking about how having space for flexibility in our beliefs can be really fun and expanding and provides increased understanding and growth.
- Flexibility in our beliefs doesn't mean we are un-tethered or that we get tossed to and fro with whatever ideas come our way. What it does mean is that we are open to deeper understandings and new perspectives.
- It’s much easier to be flexible in our beliefs WHEN we feel stability, predictability, and confidence in ourselves rather than in ideas or beliefs.
- Flexibility in beliefs deepens our perspective, our creativity and our capacity to love.
- Rather than feeling fearful of a different belief or perspective, having flexibility invites love.
- You don’t have to abandon your beliefs to be flexible about them
- Taking a look at your beliefs helps us deepen the ones that are useful and “edit” the ones that aren’t.
Today's takeaways:
MIND: Ask "are my beliefs useful?"
BODY: Ask "what do I want to believe about my body?"
PURPOSE: Ask "in what way can I allow myself to shine?"
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Energy is involved with E.VE.RY.THING we do! There's the finite kind of energy that is associated with our physical bodies, and there's another kind of energy that is less tangible and has more capacity for ebb and flow. Of course both kinds of energy will influence the other, but today we are talking about noticing it all, and how to be more intentional in how we choose to channel or use our energy.
MIND: Begin to notice what aspects of your life are energy GIVING and what aspects of your life are energy ASKING. Gain this awareness around food, relationships, activities, service, work, hobbies, or projects. All of these can be either energy giving or energy asking; being aware of the energy implications of all these parts of our life can help us be more intentional in how we choose to conduct our lives. You might be surprised maybe a task like tidying up the house is actually energy giving to you; maybe hanging out with friends is actually a big energy ask for you. Notice also that too much of anything (even good things that normally give you energy) can become depleting.
BODY: "Stack" your day with alternating between energy asking activities and energy giving activities. Instead of finding quick energy with sugar or caffeine, there might be something that feels much more nourishing and energy giving. Perhaps it's a change of scenery or change of body position (try putting your feet up the wall and notice the shift of energy). Maybe you get energy from music or taking a short walk or getting a drink of water or calling a friend. When you have awareness of things that are energy-giving for you, start adding them into your day instead of living each day giving your energy to task after task that deplete you.
PURPOSE: Cultivate gratitude and joy as part of your everyday energy. “Joy and Gratitude are spiritual practices bound to a belief in human interconnectedness and a power greater than us.” -Brene Brown This quote speaks to the energy part of us, the intangible part of us. As we cultivate gratitude and joy as part of our everyday energy, we naturally feel more connected and more confident.
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Are you swimming in political noise? Today we are talking how to navigate your experience with politics in a way that feels good and true to who you are, and builds your confidence. Today's takeaways:
MIND: You don't have to be an expert to have a "seat at the table." One big reason we may avoid political discussions is because we feel under-informed or unable to speak confidently with a chosen position. It's absolutely okay to admit that you don't know enough about a subject and ask for perspectives to deepen your understanding. Having a conversation doesn't require expertise; in fact, it might be a more productive and unifying experience to simply be curious, even if you don't agree entirely.
BODY: "Don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand your sacred ground." -Brene Brown This quote refers to situations where we might feel vulnerable; political discussions can certainly be one of those occasions. Choosing to stand your sacred ground might feel a bit scary, but it's a great way to practice being loving rather than the alternative of hiding or puffing up with the intention to "win" in some way. Instead of avoiding discussions to "keep the peace," our challenge is to keep our internal peace in the midst of having these kinds of conversations.
PURPOSE: Don’t underestimate your “power to remove prejudice and build unity” - Sharon Eubank The most important place to do this is within ourselves; as it infuses in our life personally, it can trickle out into our homes and families and friends, and ultimately ripple out beyond us.
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Today's interview with Wardrobe Stylist Delee Cox has completely changed how we look at our closets! Here's the three main takeaways:
MIND: Approach your closet with the mindset of possibilities.
The thought that "I have nothing to wear" is super defeating and extremely common. Instead, Delee teaches how to re-purpose items from our current closet to find outfits that we love.
BODY: Make peace with dressing your body in it's current state.
Instead of thinking our bodies need to be different in order to feel confident, we can find clothing that we enjoy and feel really good in right now.
PURPOSE: Begin aligning your consumerism with your values.
We tend to be very disconnected from the source of our purchases; Delee will do the research for you on the brands you like to buy so we can understand more fully what we are supporting when we make our purchases. (Message her on Instagram @thestylistnextdoor_ut)
"Slow fashion" instead of "fast fashion" as well as thrifting are additional ways to be more intentional in our consumerism.
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It's been one year since April joined the podcast! Today's episode we talk about areas of growth that we have experienced, and how to be more intentional about living the life you want to live. Takeaways today are in the form of questions:
MIND: How am I treating myself, and how does that reflect in how I treat others? “If you are a taskmaster with yourself, others will feel your whip. If you are critical of yourself, others will feel your high expectations of themselves as well. If you are light hearted and forgiving with yourself, others will feel the ease and joy of being with you. If you find laughter and delight in yourself, others will be healed in your presence.” Deborah Adele, Yamas and Niyamas p. 29-30 “We are mugs filled to the brim, and we keep getting bumped. If we are filled with coffee, coffee will spill out. If we are filled with tea, tea will spill out. Getting bumped is inevitable. If we want to change what spills out of us, we have to work to change what’s inside us.” - Glennon Doyle, Untamed
BODY: What am I building in my life that is taking longer than I want it to? "Allow yourself to be both a masterpiece and work in progress."
PURPOSE: What are you needing permission to pursue that would add to your life? I used to have a fear-based to-do list, and I didn't dare do anything outside of my designated duties and responsibilities for fear of judgement (which was really coming from myself). Learning to add space for creativity and things that nurture my soul was a life-changing shift that serves me and everyone around me.
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Understanding how we create is crazy powerful because it opens up possibilities for our life that we might not have realized was possible. Being creative is having the ability to think new thoughts. It's something we are all capable of. Wether we want to create something tangible like a project or we want to create a different life experience, either way we are using the same creative power to think new thoughts. Here's how it works, one dimension at a time:
MIND: Start with your thoughts. Creation begins in the mind (it's one-dimensional). It might be an idea, a belief, an identity shift, as well as desire. This is the most significant part of all creation, therefore our energy and attention is arguably best used in this space.
BODY: Deepen your intention through your body. This is where we go two-dimensional, and begin to take our thoughts into the physical world through writing them down, making plans, or simply shaping our thoughts into words and sentences. This is where details begins to become more real, and the "ball" is starting to really roll.
PURPOSE: Practice and celebrate the little wins! Once we have 2D plans, the next phase (if we have really done all the thought-work and have the desire and the feelings all up and going) is for the result to manifest in the physical world. This is the really fun part where we see the results of our work in the 1D and 2D world. Even small wins are to be celebrated!
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MIND: I can transform my fear into courage.
If you find yourself fearful to try anything that might take courage, know that it's not only possible to shift the feeling inside you, but there's also a huge internal pay-off if you do.
BODY: I can transform my fear into courage through excitement.
If you think about it, fear and excitement actually feel very similar in the body. If we are experiencing fear and want to have courage, one way to shift it is to get curious about how it might be exciting instead of scary. Using music or movement or posture to get really present in the body helps us to act more skillfully and move into the courage it takes to do the thing that we want to do.
PURPOSE: I can transform my fear into Courage through trust.
Trusting in your intuition, your Heavenly Help, and faith in a plan that is set up for your success, can make all the difference in shifting our fear into courage. There is safety for each of us. There is hope and possibility; we just have to have the desire and the belief to move in the direction of progress.
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Today we are talking about why you might want to choose this kind of discomfort in your life, the difference between sympathy and empathy, and how this skill adds depth and fullness to our lives. Here's the three takeaways to help you become confident in choosing empathy:
MIND: assume the mantra "I can handle this."
Often we avoid getting into this powerful emotion because it's uncomfortable and inconvenient, and we choose sympathy instead so we can move along with our day. Choosing to experience empathy requires intentionally choosing discomfort, and giving ourselves the time and space to be there, instead of moving along to the next thing.
BODY: Breathe into the discomfort.
This is the exact same tool that people inherently go to when we experience physical pain (stubbing a toe, passing a kidney stone.... you know what we mean), but when it comes to emotional pain, we generally default to a form of avoidance, because we can. Rather than avoiding the uncomfortable emotions, if we choose to breathe into them and actually experience them in the body, we gain the capacity to feel and experience and process, which becomes something sacred, especially when shared.
PURPOSE: Focus on expanding love.
The Savior is our example of this. In John 11:35, "Jesus wept." He wept with Mary and Martha as they grieved the passing of their brother Lazarus. He knew the outcome (He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead), and yet he experienced the grief right alongside them. He didn't try to talk them out of it or offer advise. He felt with them. As we practice loving and accepting ourselves (knowing who we are, just like the Savior knew who He was), we gain confidence in our ability to feel-- feel compassion and acceptance and love for ourselves as well as for others. This ability is an expansion of love.
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Wether or not you have a spouse, the principles shared in this episode can apply to any relationship that is important to you. Listen to hear each of these takeaways in detail (there's so much more in the full episode)!
MIND: Connect like it's all you (because it is).
The feeling of connection comes from what's going on inside our own minds, not from how other people treat us or behave etc. Wether or not our spouse is behaving in ways that make it easy for us to feel connected, it's still an option available to us through our thoughts; we can use our imagination to find compassion and understanding, we can access gratitude, we can find the ways we are more alike that we thought (like noticing that we are both doing what we think is best).
BODY: Play together!
Adding levity and playfulness helps our energies feel cohesive and aligned. "Laugher is the shortest distance between two people."
PURPOSE: View marriage as an opportunity for growth.
No other relationship requires the same degree of vulnerability, compassion, and continual repentance and forgiveness. It's the one relationship where if we are open to it, we can see the most clearly who we are being.
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Today we discuss lots of reasons why we may struggle to connect to friends, and some ways to make our experiences with each other so much better. The takeaways from this episode are:
MIND: Accept them as they are. Don’t try to change them. Don’t prove them wrong. Don't have an agenda or expectations. (Lose all the "shoulds.")
BODY: Show Up. Be Seen. Be involved in some way - physically show up to support. (Attend an event, drop by for a visit, go for a walk, listen, ask questions.) Make time to nurture relationships. Support. Encourage. Share in their joy.
PURPOSE: “Mourn with those that mourn.” The scriptures don't say “give a pep talk to those that mourn” or “try to help them feel better.” It says to mourn. We are supposed to MOURN. We are supposed to feel discomfort together. Imagination is the way to compassion for things we haven’t experienced.
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Most of us identify or feel connected to ourselves through one of two things-- what we do and how we feel. This is understandable but can also be problematic because it builds our sense of self on shifting ground. If our sense of worth or sense of self is tied to what we or to wether or not we have positive emotions, we will find undue hardship when those two things inevitably change through life circumstances.
Today's three takeaways to help build our sense of self:
MIND: Empty your thoughts onto paper.
Gaining awareness of what is going on inside our minds helps us understand more our role in our experiences, and ultimately helps us to choose more intentionally who we are being in any given moment.
BODY: Have a conversation (or ongoing dialogue) with your body. Maybe write it a letter, and let your body write a letter back to you.
If we can think about our bodies as our partners or our allies, it's much easier to offer them support, that in turn allows our bodies to support us more fully.
PURPOSE: Give someone the gift of you.
Each of us has a unique soul, and the worth of souls is great. The most generous gifts we can give or receive is the gift the fills the hunger for human connection.
Sharon Eubank quote: "If we change our perspective so that caring for the poor and the needy is less about giving stuff away, and more about filling the hunger for human contact, then the Lord can send us someplace... and remember that in the same way as the Savior, you yourself are one of the best gifts that you can give to other people in need."
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This week's takeaways come in the form of questions. (And I have to say, these questions have more depth after listening, so be sure to do that too.)
MIND: Am I looking for connection?
Notice where your attention is—“Where you spend your attention, you spend your life.” -James Clear
BODY: How am I using my body to experience joy?
As a parent, what do I wish for my child to use their body for?
PURPOSE: What am I doing that is genuinely ME?
Theologian and social justice leader Howard Thurman on passion:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
You will nurture your connection with Divinity when you are doing something that is genuinely you.
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This is a good one! Listen to hear all the real-life examples. Here's the three takeaways, all about juggling life with purpose:
MIND: Answer intentionally. Saying "yes" to one thing means saying "no" to something else (and vice versa). Remember there are times and seasons; we aren't supposed to do everything all at the same time or in the same season.
BODY: Prioritize physical rest. Dr. Matthew Walker in his book "Why We Sleep" states that "routinely sleeping less than six or seven hours a night demolishes your immune system, more than doubling your risk for cancer." He goes on to explain many common ailments that are influenced greatly by amount of sleep, including depression and mental illness.
PURPOSE: Take things one step, one choice, one moment at a time. We live our purpose in moments, and moments are experienced in the present.
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Did you know that failing with enthusiasm has pre-requisites? Yep. Here's two understandings that have to be in place, in order to actually fail with enthusiasm:
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Understanding that our value is never at stake. No matter the outcome, our value remains intact.
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Understanding that everything serves us; we either win or we learn. The net outcome is always positive.
Listen to hear more about these three tangible takeaways for practicing failing with enthusiasm (aka confidence practice).
MIND: Be decisive.
BODY: Try something new, physically.
PURPOSE: Allow space for growth.
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THIS week's episode is a juicy-meaty-hunk of awesome! Here's a re-cap of takeaways:
MIND: Bring it back to you; ask yourself "what is my role in this?" Disharmony comes from inside of us (as does enjoyment). They are both skills that we can hone. Seeing our part and how we are the creators of our experiences helps us to become more skilled participants at living our life.
BODY: Make nourishing your body an option; we don't have to eat what the kids are eating. Even if you're the only one who likes beets, you have permission to make beets for yourself!
PURPOSE: Be proactive in taking control of your personal spirituality. With church services cancelled, we have become aware of how much we relied on weekly "spoon feedings," and have new awareness of how we want to "beef up" and own our personal spiritual nourishment.
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Today's episode takeaways might seem counterintuitive to what might be considered "strength," but hear us out and see what we're talking about!
Three takeaways are:
MIND: Be okay with being wrong.
BODY: Connect to the core of our body (hold a plank after you brush your teeth).
PURPOSE: Find your inner calm and serenity.
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We're so excited to be back! Here's three takeaways discussed in today's episode all about inner wisdom:
MIND: Trust my core identity (I have divinity in me; it's trustworthy)
BODY: Practice physically pausing
PURPOSE: Live in partnership with Heavenly Parents
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Welcome back! You may have noticed we have a new name-- changing our name to Mind Body Purpose let’s you know exactly what you’re going to find in each episode! We are so excited to be here with a new look, new direction, and a whole new format to serve you better!
We’re pretty sure you’re going to love listening each week because you’re getting three tangible ways to improve your life: one to nourish your mind, one to connect to your body, and one to live in your purpose.
We have found that these are the three areas where women struggle the most and therefore can benefit the most from gaining deeper understanding.
This is the place to find tools to manage your mind. Instead of feeling out of control, you’ll have direct application to think about your life the way you want to experience it.
This is where developing love toward your body will be a priority. Instead of being at odds, you’ll practice embracing your humanness with gratitude.
This is an opportunity to strengthen your purpose through faith, knowing that your unique contribution matters.
The intention of this podcast is to support YOU in living your life more confidently, more connectedly, more compassionately, and with more inner wisdom to guide you.
Along with the evolution of this podcast, the instagram account is also evolving. Find us at mind.body.purpose and follow along as we turn ourselves into human guinea-pigs, visibly sharing our experience with practicing these skills in real life.
We are continuing to deepen our roots to serve you better, and are excited to resume weekly episodes in July. It’ll be worth the wait, I promise.
Thanks for listening!
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We’ve all heard that the only constant in life is…change.
Here we are, embracing change with open arms in the podcast realm.
This podcast started with Michelle, fresh with new credentials in health training and thought coaching. Then, April joined with added perspective and personality, and we became a co-host podcast. Together, we love compiling curated content that we hope will enrich your lives. We love sharing personal stories, research from different fields, experience, knowledge, and tangible takeaways. We are both passionate about empowering women with confidence. We are both influenced greatly by our faith, and use that influence to create meaningful messages that you enjoy hearing, and can benefit from implementing.
That being said… We are here for you.
So, we are taking a short hiatus to deepen our roots and create a new format that we think you will love! So, pause and subscribe right now so you don’t miss it--
On June 3rd, we’ll be here with NEW episodes, a NEW look, and a NEW format.
Each episode You’ll get a takeaway to develop your MIND, a takeaway to connect with your BODY, and a takeaway to live in your PURPOSE.
We are so excited to share this with you!
In the meantime, follow us on instagram- or head back to our archives!
Some of our personal favorite episodes are:
Episode 62: Body Image (featuring JFF)
Episode 68: Modesty (featuring JFF)
Episode 69: Building Your Support Squad
Episode 75: I Have No Control
We’ll be back on JUNE 3rd!
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We're coming clean. (Before recommending a book, it's a good idea to have read it first!)
We chose "The Tipping Point" for virtual book club, and discovered that it is a great read for anyone who is an entrepreneur, anyone who is interested in epidemics (the non-disease kind), or anyone who enjoys interesting data and research stories about humans. (You may not be one of those people.)
Today's episode we are sharing our interpretation of some points in the book (so no need to have read it).
Our version/takeaways of the three "Rules of the Epidemics:"
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You have an affect.
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Minor changes bring massive results.
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Surroundings matter.
If you didn't already start your free trial of Audible, be sure to go to www.audibletrial.com/mindbodyboss and find a title you'll enjoy!
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“When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” -African Proverb Today we are talking about deepening our "roots" when it comes to beliefs about ourselves. It's all about establishing roots that are intentional and helpful go-to thoughts that will keep us grounded when the winds blow in. Don't forget to join us for our first book club discussion! Go to https://audibletrial.com/mindbodyboss and download Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point." We will sharing our favorite nuggets next week.
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Do you feel like you're in a rut? We do.
Rather than giving you tips for getting out of a rut, today's episode is about riding it out. It's about feeling the flatness, the lows, and everything that comes with it.
Two takeaways that might help the ride:
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Give yourself permission. (Permission to be in a rut, permission to just BE, permission to do things differently than usual.) You're having exactly the experience you're supposed to be having. Take it a day at a time. Remember the moon: no matter what phase it's in, it's still whole. The same is true for you.
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Practice acceptance and being open. (Accepting yourself as is, accepting things outside of your control, accepting what is.) Be open to hope, open to loved ones, open to seeing God's hand in all of it. Remember the candle: sometimes the flame is strong and steady, and sometimes it gets blown around, twisting and flickering; either way, it always has an upward intention. Maintaining an upward intention regardless of what's going on (for us this speaks to faith) is what assists us through tough times.
These two practices are on repeat for both of us. Practice, practice, and practice again.
Much love from our rut to yours.
Michelle and April
Join our virtual book club! Go to www.audibletrial.com/mindbodyboss and download Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point" for free.
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Join our virtual Book Club! Go to:
https://www.audibletrial.com/mindbodyboss
Get your free Audible trial, and download Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point." Bookclub discussion episode will air on Wednesday April 29th, 2020.
Today's episode is so good-- listening to it again was super helpful for me right now as life has been turned upside down, and many feelings have been amplified. It's an interview where we guest appeared on the "Sincerely Satisfied" podcast by life coach Jaimie Wilkins, on the topic of Body Authenticity. We discuss what means to be authentic with our bodies, how to partner with our bodies (rather than being at war with them), and how we can live a more confident life through increased compassion and companionship with our bodies. So so good.
Enjoy.
_____________
This episode is sponsored by Audible.
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This past week living in quarantine and coronavirus-world has had both of us experiencing an amplified amount of inner noise from our inner-critics. In this episode, we discuss three ways to quiet this noise and take back ownership of our life experience:
1. Replace comparison (or judgment) with patience.
2. Be okay with the current normal.
3. Notice who you're BEing vs. what you're DOing.
We're sharing our personal stories and examples; if you've had similar feelings lately, we are totally bonding today!
Be sure to join our virtual Bookclub! March-April we are "reading" Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point."
Get your free audio-book and Audible trial here: http://www.audibletrial.com/MindBodyBoss
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Ask these 5 questions every day to keep tabs on your well-being, keep clarity on what you can control, and live a more confident life. These questions are useful in all situations, but are particularly relevant during this time of social-distancing:
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How am I moving my body and caring for it?
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How am I checking in and connecting with others?
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What expectations am I letting go?
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What am I having appreciation for?
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What is being brought to my attention?
AND be sure to join our virtual book club with a free Audible Trial at:
http://www.audibletrial.com/MindBodyBoss
We are starting with "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Join us!
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Schedules have cleared, virus related memes are flooding the internet, and our busy lives are shifting towards pause.
This is a unique season, one that comes with opportunities to experience our lives in a new way.
In this episode, we discuss the importance of intentionally choosing our response, being aware of our role and our energy, as well as lots of simple ways to enjoy time as we practice social-distancing.
Ideas:
- Get your at-home yoga on! Down Dog app is currently free (full version) through April 1, 2020. YouTube also has great options (search kids yoga if you want to involve your kids!)
- Write letters to grandparents or elderly in homes who cannot have visitors. Also write and send thank you notes (it's one of our favorite powerful activities!)
- Give meditation a try! If you are a beginner, HeadSpace App is a great way to ease into it. I use the Insight Timer app regularly for sounds and guided meditations (it has lots of great free content).
- Try a headstand or handstand! Maybe have a contest with your family, or create backyard olympics!
- Take a walk or a hike (just BE in nature)
- Do some spring cleaning/organizing! Try a time-lapse on your camera to get the kids to help out and then watch!
- Study in preparation for upcoming General Conference
- Give family and friends a phone call! Or FaceTime or text.
- Watch a TED Talk (try Father Gregory Boyle's TED Talk on Compassion & Kinship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipR0kWt1Fkc)
- Make a bucket list (audition for a game show, learn a language, run a race, appear on a magazine cover....)
- Leave a review for a local business
- Create! Craft, draw, paint, color, sculpt, learn a song
- Read or listen to a good book!
*JOIN OUR VIRTUAL BOOK CLUB! We are reading "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell this month, and will discuss on the podcast next month.
Get your FREE audible trial with a free book credit at:
http://www.audibletrial.com/MindBodyBoss
This episode is sponsored by Audible.
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"Sit with your emotions as they arise, feel them, listen to them appreciate them, but never run from them, because they'll track you down and haunt you until you are courageous enough to face them and ultimately learn the lessons that they hold." -Erin Chatters-
In this episode you'll hear a recent life experience where I processed an emotion post-event.
Learning to feel and process is arguably one of the most helpful life-skills I have ever practiced!
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Ya know when a really intense emotion comes up, and you resist it and try to push it back? (And have you noticed yourself do this, even if it's a positive emotion?)
Today we are talking about how to process our emotions in the moment, and how it helps us gain confidence and become more of the boss of our life experience.
I'm telling you, THIS is one of the most beneficial life skills you can practice; it's literally changed how I experience my life.
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Life has a way of ebbing and flowing; when this happens in our exercise experience, we may feel some version of guilt, inadequacy, or disappointment. In this episode, we discuss four ways that we have found to help move forward instead of feeling stuck.
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Know that you can RESTART at anytime (and you can do this many times-- it's a great skill to get good at!)
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Find a way to RE-ENERGIZE or shift the energy that has been sitting with you. This might begin with a shift in thoughts (like "I'm looking forward to getting out of the house," or "It'll be fun to connect with my exercise friend.")
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Remember to have compassion on yourself and your body; it's always doing the best it can. We are human, and part of being human is the experience of imperfection.
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RE-FOCUS your perspective; instead of feeling guilty, find some gratitude for what you learned during your season of non-exercise, even if it's as simple as having gratitude for noticing how you feel better when you do exercise.
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This episode has fantastic real-life examples to learn from! Listen to hear how April worked through three phases to become the BOSS of her life experiences.
Phase 1: gaining the awareness of how we are creating our feelings (this is usually a tough pill to swallow, and a lot of the time we don't ever swallow it.
Phase 2: shifting our thoughts to something more useful and empowering (which generally feels more loving and kind and compassionate). This step will always be fake if we haven't fully gone through Phase 1.
Phase 3: showing up in a new way (in alignment with who you really want to be)
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Did you know there are three steps (or phases) for moving through change like a BOSS? Listen to hear our personal examples and stories of how this works and how you can feel more confident navigating change in your own life.
Just for fun we'll list the steps here too:
Step 1: (This step is un-skippable! We never quite make it through the steps if we haven't truly experienced step 1). Gain the self-awareness to really understand how the feelings you're experiencing are coming from your own thoughts. My feelings come from ME, not from my circumstances. Honor those thoughts and feelings, and allow yourself to feel what feels appropriate to feel. When you really understand that you are the creator of those thoughts and feelings, then you are ready to move along to the next step.
Step 2: Intentionally shift your thinking to something more empowering (our favorite is gratitude), and look for opportunity in the change you're experiencing. You might find some peace or excitement or hope.
Step 3: Use the new feeling to drive you to nurturing the part/s of you that are constant. Sometimes we tie our value to our circumstances (rather than remembering that our value is constant), and then when the circumstance changes, we feel like our value has also changed. Nurturing the parts of us that are constant reinforces our value outside of accomplishments, titles, or careers.
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I used to think that in order to feel confident, I would have to be good at something.
(But that's only one version of confidence).
Today we are talking about an entirely different form of confidence that is more lasting and more true, whether or not we are good at something.
It's not about skills or talents or achievement.
The confidence we are talking about comes from being willing to feel, willing to experience what life has to offer, and understanding that our value is never actually in question.
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This topic is so influential in our lives and yet it tends to get soo little discussion! Listen to hear our favorite thoughts when it comes to understanding our role in experiencing this part of our nature.
Helpful resources for learning more about healthy sexuality:
- Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife http://www.finlayson-fife.com/
- Kristin B. Hodson https://www.kristinbhodson.com/
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If you are feeling the monotony of life, spinning all day, crashing at night, and starting the cycle over again, THIS is for you.
Creating simple rituals in your everyday life (that don't take extra time) can make all the difference.
Listen for simple ways to add nourishing rituals to your life, which ultimately help you live as your true and best self.
A ritual (in our definition) involves becoming present, generating/accessing a useful emotion (like gratitude or peace or love or acceptance), and using the body in a way that shows care. (Listen for a full "menu" of ideas!)
These small (and probably new) ways of conducting our lives have a cumulative effect, and contribute to feeling more capable and confident with whatever life brings.
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Moving our bodies is about SO much more than exercise!
In this episode, we share personal stories involving the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of movement.
Loving our bodies and creating confidence has so much to do with how we move our bodies, how we think about movement, and how we connect our minds to what's going on in our bodies. Movement just might be one of your new favorite ways to help tap into your inner wisdom.
Fair warning: after listening, you may feel compelled to move your body in new ways!
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Is food a struggle? For many many years, I have felt at odds with food. In this episode, we discuss three ways to gain more confidence in your relationship with food (and no surprise, it will help your relationship with your body too!)
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This is the MONTH of Body Love, and we are kicking it off with an in-depth discussion on self-talk.
We all have "noise" in our heads that we aren't necessarily aware of, and yet it influences every aspect of our lives.
In this episode, we share some personal experiences of gaining awareness of these "players," how to use curiosity and compassion to move through self-doubt, and some ways to reinforce the belief that you matter.
Four ways to practice the belief that you matter:
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Prayer (ask to see yourself the way Divinity sees you)
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Practice being courageous (This can be small things like initiating a conversation or waving to someone; this becomes easier when you believe that failure doesn't influence your value.)
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Give yourself permission to "own" what you want or who you want to be (this may sound simple, however we often hold ourselves back because of fear of judgement)
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"Phone a Friend" - find outside sources that can remind and reinforce the belief that you matter (might be notes or talks or messages or an actual phone call to a friend)
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Join us this week as we describe joy, how it cultivates confidence, and how to experience it more often!
Two main ways to generate joy:
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Be present and aware, intentionally allowing yourself to gain consciousness of the beauty of the present moment.
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Allow yourself to experience it, even when it feels vulnerable.
See what brings us joy as we share joy in our instagram stories, and we hope you'll share yours too! Use #shareyourjoy and tag @mind.body.boss so we can cheer on your joy! Joy is contagious!
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Are you feeling the busy-ness of life? This episode was prompted by a listener's survey response about doing all the supportive things (eating well, sleeping, nurturing spirituality, exercising etc.) and simultaneously NOT experiencing peace.
She said: "any other tips?"
Yes!
Listen to hear our discussion about where peace really comes from and how to feel it more fully and more regularly.
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Feeling out of control with food or TV or organization or exercise? This episode is a broad overview of habit creation, where we discuss five Habit Hints:
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Choose just one thing to start with (and it doesn't matter what you choose). When we begin shifting our mindset in one area, we often experience a ripple effect to other areas (bonus!). Plus, it gives us confidence to create more changes in the areas we want to.
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Start where you are, and know that progress is NOT linear. Don't use set-backs as evidence that it's not working. Forward is forward; speed doesn't matter.
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Attach the new habit to pleasure. (We never get in the habit of doing anything that we hate doing.)
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Plan the logistics to make it as easy as possible (and if you want to stop a habit or bring awareness to a mindless habit, "reverse engineer" this to make it difficult-- for example, take the batteries out of the remote, put the candy in the far side of the house, remove social media apps from your phone etc.)
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One decision, one time. Decide and then stick to it. If there's more food on my plate than I know I should eat, instead of picking at it and mindlessly continuing to eat, I'll push it aside, audibly say "I'm full," signaling to myself that the meal is complete, and I don't need to consider eating more food.
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Do you sometimes feel out of control with your emotions?
The biggest takeaway from this episode is understanding where emotions really come from. Really, truly, undeniably, understanding where they come from.
Hint: How we think about our life is how we experience our life.
--Feelings are generated from what is going on inside our MINDS.--
Whether this sounds like a no brainer, or if it sounds absurd, this episode has some tangible examples for how to gain more ownership of your life.
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Honestly, this episode airs some of our "dirty laundry!" It's part 1 of a series on how to take control of things that you feel are out of your control. Sometimes other people light our "fuse," and we have the choice to let the fuse run it's course to explosion ("you poked the bear!!!"), OR we can "stomp" the fuse out. No one else is responsible for OUR responses or OUR feelings in a given situation.
Listen to hear how we apply these following questions in our specific circumstances in order to gain more ownership in our life:
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What DO I have control over?
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How can I own my feelings and actions? (What's my role in feeling what I'm feeling?)
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What can I do to empower myself with a CHOICE?
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Come workout with Michelle at a FREE Pure Barre Pop-up class!
Saturday Nov. 23rd, 9am at Kendra Scott City Creek Mall [SOLD OUT]
Saturday Dec. 7th, 9am at Lulu Lemon City Creek Mall: register HERE
Follow on Instagram @purebarrecentralninth
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Guys, this episode sent us into a full-blown gratitude-immersion-experience that (days later) is still enhancing how I'm feeling about life!
Gratitude is SO powerful; it really does make everything better.
You'll hear some of our personal obstacles to feeling gratitude, old mindsets from misunderstanding what gratitude is really about, and some touching experiences that help us to feel it more deeply and more regularly.
We also share some ways to UP the level of gratitude in your life, making life a lot more fun!
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Come be a founding member of Pure Barre Central Ninth (in Salt Lake City-- Michelle is teaching there)!
Call 801-906-8874 to get in on the best price available, for LIFE! (Limited to the first 100 members; only 24 spots remaining as of this recording)
Studio opening January 2020.
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Why? What's the big whoop? Wether you already experience the magic of meditation, or if it's seems like something from another planet, this episode will deepen your appreciation for the power of consciously connecting.
You'll hear personal every-day life stories that illustrate life with (and without) this special practice.
You'll hear some of our favorite quotes from meditation teachers.
We hope you'll also join us for the free 21-day meditation experience during the month of November, 2019: https://chopracentermeditation.com/experience
Join us on instagram @mind.body.boss to share your experiences and hear how our meditation challenge is going!
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Join us for a FREE 21-day meditation experience! These daily meditations are conducted by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. (We have done these before, and they are STELLAR.) Here's the link to join:
https://chopracentermeditation.com/
Be sure to let us know that you are participating by messaging/commenting/engaging with us on instagram @mind.body.boss
We will be sharing our personal experiences on instagram over the course of the 21-day experience, and we want to hear about yours too! See you there!
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WHYYYY??? Today we are getting into the juiciness of friend drama, the sources of it, and how to cut it out of your life.
Some areas that might bring up "drama" (these are SNEAKY and SUBTLE and not usually obvious)
1. Insecurities
Thinking "I'm not part of the group" or "they probably don't care" or "I'm not as _____" causes us to hold back or disengage out of fear. This prevents us from connecting, because we already believe that we aren't able to. We end up proving to ourselves that our fears are sound, and that we have reason to be insecure.
Truth is that all humans feel this way at times. If we can learn to like ourselves first, it makes it a lot easier to believe that other people will also like us (see last week's episode for more on your relationship with YOU).
2. Expectations
When we expect our friends to do certain things (even very reasonable things), and then they don't, we set ourselves up for frustration, resentment, and disappointment.
We think that if I do x, then you should too. I seems reasonable, and our brains will "sell" us on this.
The problem is that if they don't behave the way we expect, we might think the relationship is broken, when it's really just a story that we have created.
Can you just love them, regardless of what they do or don't do?
3. Competition
If there's a competitive feel in your relationship, then you're definitely comparing -- and if you're comparing, there's a version of judgement happening --and I believe that judgement is the biggest barrier to feel love. So if there is underlying competition, then there is also a lack of love for yourself as well as for the other person.
4. Gossip
There's a fine line between sharing something because of care and concern and wanting to support, and crossing into information that isn't yours to share.
What's the intent? Who are you serving? Is it helpful? Is it pretending to be a form of bonding?
If you're experiencing drama, it's because you're creating that experience inside of you; take a step back, get curious, and see how you are contributing to that feeling for yourself.
Not to say that other people don't create drama, but that doesn't have to mean that you have to experience or internalize it. There's a difference between noticing and being aware of, and experiencing it for yourself; if you are experiencing it for yourself, know that you are the creator. If you want to experience something different, then get curious. Step back, and ask "what's my role?"
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If you live in the space of being self-critical (like I have), it's really challenging to believe that other people are going to like you because you don't like you. When you are being self-critical, it doesn't allow you to present yourself in a way that you can truly be as open and loving and inclusive and outward as you are capable of. Being a friend to yourself not only shifts your experience of YOU, but it strengthens all your relationships, because you begin to BE a different person. In this episode April shares her personal goal to love herself from a few years ago. Some of the things we talk about: -Getting to know yourself -Being the first to offer compassion to yourself -Giving too much "weight" to other people's feedback (positive or negative) -Understanding that insecurity is part of being human; it's universal -Finding what nurtures you, and building it into your life -Difference between being alone and feeling lonely
We want to hear your thoughts! What do you struggle most with in life? What would you like to have a conversation about? What is on your mind? Leave us a voice message by clicking on the link below. It will make our whole day, and we will praise you forever!
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Feeling friendless? Here's three possible reasons why, and what you can do about it:
1. You are in the process of building your support squad; it's under construction.
Creating close and lasting friendships takes time and some effort, and possibly some trial and error as you get to know people. Relationships generally start as "pennies," and might switch to "nickel" or "dime" status after some time. Remember that all "tiers" or circles of friends (see episode 69, "Building Your Support Squad") are still valuable and serve a purpose, even if they aren't your #1 go-to people. We can love and appreciate and enjoy all versions of friends.
2. You are staying in a comfortable "status quo."
It's much easier to stay looping in the experiences that we are habituated to, than to shift and try something new. If we are overly comfortable in our state of loneliness or don't extend ourselves to others, we likely won't find ourselves connecting with people. Changing our status quo takes some effort and vulnerability, which doesn't necessarily feel good. It's risky and we might be rejected. However, if we aren't willing to be reach out and be seen, then we won't connect with others in a meaningful way.
3. Your unconscious beliefs about yourself and/or about others are getting in the way.
If you fear being unworthy of love and belonging, or you feel insecure, those feelings will impact the way you show up and relate to other people. One thought that we like is to believe that everyone is my friend, unless they tell me otherwise. Believing this causes a complete shift in how we operate and how we show up in our interactions.
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Feeling alone is totally normal, and yet it totally stinks! Even though you might think you're the only one feeling alone, the irony is that you share that experience with more people than you realize.
In order to feel connected and accepted, we have to give ourselves permission to accept ourselves.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brene Brown
Consider all the "tiers" of people in your life: acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, community groups (church, workout places, school), friends from the past, book clubs etc. then consider who you might feel drawn to.
Four tips:
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Notice how you might be defining friendship, and consider a broader definition. Your closest friends might not be in your same stage of life or might not "look" how you initially expect.
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Be interested, rather than trying to be interesting (from Awesome with Alison podcast episode 93).
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Initiate! Be someone that you would want to be friends with.
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Take notice if the relationship is healthy AND enjoyable (look for BOTH).
Healthy relationships include love, trust, equal power, a positive vibe and have an overall uplifting feeling.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
― Brene Brown
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THIS episode is one that I personally will listen to more than once! Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes us through more concepts and ideas than I ever expected, going full-circle covering what modesty is, what it is NOT.
Questions we asked Dr. Finlayson-Fife:
- Please define it!
- How should we be teaching modesty?
- How do we teach it age-appropriately?
- How do we teach it without body-shaming, or sending the message that we are responsible for the thoughts/feelings/actions of others?
- Should it be addressed differently based on gender?
A few of my favorite takeaways:
- Modesty has very little to do with sexuality and more to do with how we are being.
- Modesty encompasses self-respect, understanding our value, and holding appropriate boundaries between that which is public and that which is private.
- Children tend to "map" the parent's level of comfort or discomfort with their bodies and their self-worth.
- The more clear and resolved a parent is on the topic of bodies and sexuality, the more their children will be able to "map" that level of comfort for themselves. (Parents who do the work to resolve for themselves unhelpful messages they may have received, help their children to have healthy understandings and respect for themselves and others.)
For more resources from Dr. Finlayson-Fife, visit her website:
http://www.finlayson-fife.com/
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Meet April! She is one of my favorite people on the planet, and she is going to be joining me for lots of fun things coming up.
In Secret Sauce Part 1 (episode 66) we discussed becoming comfortable with negative emotion. In today's episode, we talk all about being intentional with our minds, to create the life experience that we want to be having.
Three tools that we discuss for experiencing your life more intentionally:
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Morning and evening questions (below)
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intentional moments ahead of time
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visualization
Morning questions (from Ed Mylett podcast episode: Unlocking Your Success Code)
- What am I HAPPY about in my life right now?
What about that makes me HAPPY? How does it make me feel?
- What am I EXCITED about in my life right now?
What about that makes me EXCITED? How does it make me feel?
- What am I PROUD of in my life right now?
What about that makes me PROUD? How does it make me feel?
- What am I GRATEFUL for in my life right now?
What about that make me GRATEFUL? How does that make me feel?
- What am I ENJOYING most in my life right now?
What about that do I ENJOY? How does it make me feel?
- What am I COMMITTED to in my life right now?
What about that makes me committed? How does it make me feel?
- Who do I LOVE?
Who LOVES me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
Evening Questions (same source as above)
What have I given today?
In what ways have I been a giver?
What did I learn today?
How has today added to the quality of my life?
How can I use today as an investment in my future?
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My "Secret Sauce" is a two-part recipe:
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Jody Moore: her podcast "Better Than Happy" was the catalyst what I'm doing (she's my mentor, example, and one of my greatest influencers)
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Learning to be okay with the discomfort of feeling negative emotions (taught by Jody) "Discomfort is the currency to your dream life." -Brooke Castillo
We have generally been conditioned to go through life avoiding discomfort and negative emotions at all costs. We say things like “oh, don’t be sad” or “don’t be afraid,” as if we shouldn’t feel those things. But the truth is, negative emotions are not a problem per se (they are part of being a human).
When we avoiding feeling the discomfort of negative emotion, and therefore never learn what to do with it, we prevent ourselves from growing. It keeps us from building the incredibly valuable skill of being resilient. We end up emotionally inflexible and unable to adapt (let alone thrive), because we never learned how to manage what’s going on inside of us.
Listen to learn how to gain more resiliency, and become more of the BOSS of your life!
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Many of you have shared with me how you struggle with unrealistic expectations or with choosing progress over perfection, so today we are talking about feelings and how they relate to self-compassion.
Our feelings are how we experience our lives; they are relevant and important to notice, and even more important to learn what to do with them.
Perfectionism doesn't drive us to be better; it causes us to feel inadequate.
Jay Shetty shoots for something like 80% in order to publish.
Jody Moore aims for B- work.
If we are aiming for the fantasy of perfection, we will never complete anything or contribute what we can to the world. It's not about being complacent or not caring about our work; rather it's about giving ourselves the gift of completion, the gift of continuing on, the gift of self-compassion and being willing to be seen.
In this episode you'll hear an example of how to walk through the processing of a negative emotion, in a way that helps us experience our lives with new confidence, through self-compassion.
Learning how to feel and being willing to feel is the biggest confidence booster! Self-compassion is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
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YOUR input is super valuable to me! Please respond to this 2-question survey (it literally takes less than a minute, and is HUGELY helpful). Thank you in advance!
Today's episode was inspired by a message I received:
"Things people say to you or about you can really hurt. People hurting the people you love most is even more painful. It is hard for me to understand that this can all be controlled by my thoughts. I know I get to decide how I feel, but don’t you think painful words and actions do affect us, no matter how positive we choose to be?"
Big thank you to the person who asked this question, because I think this is a really common experience and a commonly misunderstood part of our life experience.
Two myths:
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Being "positive" is the goal
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Other people shouldn't do hurtful things
When we believe that other people's actions or their words are harmful, we become victims. When we are victims, we allow our hurt or our pain to take root in us, and become a part of who we are. We then continue to re-experience the pain over and over again, well after the event.
Five strategies to be the "BOSS" in this area:
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Let go of the "me" lens (Other people's actions are about THEM, even when they are directed at US.)
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Allow yourself to feel negative emotion as long as necessary and instructive, and then choose to move on and tell the story in a way that no longer hurts you.
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Remember agency, instead of resistance. Resisting things we have no control over might feel useful and necessary, but that's a lie. Accessing peace is where our power really lies.
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Notice if you are mirroring other people. (Are you angry about their anger?)
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Remember the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Practicing these five strategies gives us more compassion for ourselves and others, more love for those who are challenging to love, greater peace and greater connection to God, and more confidence in who we are and how we get to experience our lives.
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Today I'm sharing TWO mindsets and THREE strategies to consider as you think about your future self.
Mindset #1: When choosing between things like schools, jobs, where to live etc, there is no "right" or "wrong" per se. It's only "right" or "wrong" if you decide it is. Even if you end up choosing something different later, that doesn't mean it was the wrong decision to begin with. Maybe the experiences you had or the relationships you gained or the timing of things was exactly what you needed then. It's all part of the process. I like to think of life as more "trial-and-error" than "right and wrong."
Mindset #2: The process is the point. We're never really "done," even if we hit a milestone or achieve a goal. There's always going to be another milestone or goal to shoot for. Knowing that the process is the point can help us enjoy what we are doing along the way, rather than waiting for some point in the future to start enjoying our life.
Also, part of the process of achieving means there will be discomfort. Brook Castillo teaches that discomfort is the "currency of achieving your goals." Are you willing to experience discomfort? It's part of the process.
Strategy #1: Use your imagination to create the life you want to experience. Create in your mind all the parts and pieces, and let your body start to feel the emotional "blueprint" in advance. Don't wait to feel excited or confident or courageous. Use your brain, your imagination, to create it all "spiritually" first, and that will help you create it physically.'
(Resource: https://designingyour.life/the-book/)
Strategy #2: Get to know your unique skills and abilities, and what "lights you up." What do you secretly think you might be really good at? Is there something you are feeling "called" to do? Is there something that you go to sleep thinking about?
(Resource: https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/home/en-us/strengthsfinder)
Strategy #3: Give gifts to your future self! ("Thank you, past Michelle, for cleaning the house so I can come home from vacation to a clean space!" or "Thank you, past Michelle, for flossing your teeth regularly!")
(Resource: https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/281/)
Don't forget to leave a review- it helps a lot and it makes my whole day!
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"Body Image is very much linked to self-image ... and the issue of self-acceptance and being at peace with one's self is a lifelong and developmental issue." -Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
THIS episode is all about learning how to give ourselves more "latitude" and and more self-compassion in our human-ness, because that's how we feel at peace with our bodies, connect more deeply in our relationships, and experience more love for everyone around us.
For more with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, visit her site:
http://www.finlayson-fife.com/
Leave me a voice message with your favorite takeaway!
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/michelle48/message
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There’s a difference between the constant me (the part of me that God created) and the changing me (the part of me that I get to create).
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And there’s serious power in recognizing the difference, because that perspective helps us to more fully identify with our constant self (which is our wise self, our best self), which brings tons of peace and contentment and confidence and joy and gratitude and all the things that we want to experience.
The Changing part of me:
This is when I experience things like my ego, fear, comparison, lack, isolation, not being enough.
This is the part of us that we create.
When we are identifying as our changing self, it feels really unsafe and scary and unpredictable. We feel threatened, because we think our value is constantly at stake, and we might feel like we need to prove our value.
The Constant part of me:
This is where I get to experience true feelings of love, understanding, hope, patience, connection, gratitude, abundance, acceptance, and peace.
This is the part of us that God created.
THESE feelings are what we get to experience when we are identifying as our constant self. We get to live with more assurance and centeredness and peace and calm because we don’t feel threatened or concerned about our value. We understand that our value is innate and constant-- after all, this is the part of us that God created.
Listen to more details, including examples of people showing up as their constant self.
Email me with your comments, questions, or for my current group fitness teaching schedule: mstevenett@gmail.com
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I used to think that some of the worst thing that could happen to me, was to become a young widow (because that's really grief-worthy and scary), or to become disabled (because I love moving my body). Then later I thought that losing a child would be the worst thing. I was so afraid of these kinds of circumstances and the unknown future because I didn't understand how peace and happiness and joy could still be available.
One of the greatest skills I have gained over the years (and am still practicing), is the capacity to experience feelings. When we truly understand that the worst thing that can happen is a feeling, and add to that the skill of processing feelings, our confidence sky-rockets. Being willing to feel, is a skill of confidence.
Listen to hear how to create your own mental "Ibuprofen," for those times when we experience difficulty, AND what to do with negative emotion.
Three main nuggets:
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In the present, we are always okay. One great way to bring ourselves into the present is to pay attention to our breath.
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Emotions are simply chemical responses in the body, and our bodies are designed to experience and process them. It's okay to feel negative emotions.
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Choose to believe that Heavenly Father makes masterpieces out of messes (especially the horrible, unjust, and altogether wrong things). "Be still and know that I am God."
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The only "lens" we have to look through is our own, and it's filtered by our perceptions, our culture, our past experiences etc.
The best way to see clearly is to notice if we identify AS our circumstances (my thoughts, my feelings, my relationships, my body etc. OR if we identify as a human being (or even a spirit being) who EXPERIENCES thoughts, feelings, relationships, body, etc.
It might sound like a subtle difference, but it's HUGE in terms of how we experience our life.
There is a part of us that is constant, and a part of us that isn't.
The constant part of us is our true identity, and cannot be changed or broken.
The part of us that is NOT constant, consists of our circumstances and thoughts and feelings. All of those things change.
The goal is to identify with our constant self. This gives us authority, perspective, wisdom, and the ability to be kind to ourselves!
Listen to hear a few of my experiences looking through an imperfect "lens."
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ALL the feels! In this episode I share some tender examples of how emotions have instructed me. I believe the Spirit is our teacher, and if we tune in, our emotions are the curriculum.
Listen to learn what emotions really are, and maybe more importantly what they are not.
Here's part of it:
Emotions are thoughts linked to a sensation; the thought is in the mind, the sensation is in the body. This is why we call emotions "feelings."
Essentially there are two types of emotions: (Taught by Deepak Chopra)
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emotions that connect us to life (love, joy, kindness, compassion, equinimity...)
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emotions that disconnect us from life (fear, anger, hostility, resentment, guilt, shame....)
Gaining awareness of our emotions and knowing that they come from our minds INCREASES our agency and our ability to generate the state of being & the life we want to experience.
SO good!
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Today I'm sharing a personal story of shame (yep, not "being the light").
I created this message specifically for a girl's camp that where I was invited to speak.
Listen to hear how:
- the inward nature of shame prevents us from experiencing love and belonging (and all humans experience it)
- the importance of shifting from body identification to spirit identification (His arms of mercy are always stretched out)
- "plugging in" to our "Source" can be simple and easy and natural (personal revelation isn't mysterious or dramatic)
And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings. [D&C 88:11]
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Wanna join me in a FREE 21-day meditation experience? I'm SOOOO excited for this one, and I would love some buddies to join me in it.
It begins THIS MONDAY July 15, 2019
1. Click HERE for all the info
2. Let me know you're doing it so we can be buddies through the experience!
either email me at mstevenett@gmail.com OR direct message me via instagram @michellestevenett
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Let's not mistake putting garbage in our bodies, for getting a reward.
Have you ever noticed what your relationship with food is like? Is there noise and drama? Is it a love-hate relationship?
TWO main nuggets for today's episode:
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Food is for nourishment, period. (It's not for escape or entertainment or to feel rebellious. There are better ways to do all of that!)
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Our taste buds and body are adaptable. (If you don't like "healthy" foods, open your mind to the possibility that this could shift, and it doesn't have to be hard.)
FOUR suggestions:
1. Focus on all the awesome food we GET to eat, rather than the unsupportive (however tasty) foods we "shouldn't."
2. Remember the compound effect of small consistent choices is REAL. Also, small changes over time is the best way to gradually shift your "norm," rather than trying to make huge changes all at once.
3. Practice MINDFUL eating (BIGGEST TIP of the DAY*) because the chemical state of our bodies when we eat MATTERS. We want our parasympathetic nervous system active (this is our rest/digest/heal signals). Ways to activate it: Pause. Take 10 deep breaths. Express gratitude. Chew throughly and take your time. Set the fork down between bites. Stretch meal time to 20 mins.
4. Get more plants into your body! I use Dr. Gregers free "Daily Dozen" app to help me get in all the plants he recommends we eat each day for optimum health. Don't overthink eating plants; it can be super easy.
Here's a sample daily menu that helps me get in all the plants:
BREAKFAST: overnight steel-cut oats (in a rice-cooker) with lentils, flaxseeds, apples, cinnamon, and vanilla.
LUNCH: chopped salad (make a big batch to last multiple days) of red cabbage, kale, shredded carrots, edamame, blueberries, cashews or hemp seeds, and a balsamic dressing.
DINNER: beans and rice over chopped greens with avocado, tomato, and salsa
SNACKS: fruit (like plums, apples, peaches... whatever is in season), maybe some nuts, or a plant-based chocolate protein smoothie.
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"Stop the glorification of BUSY!"
Two main points:
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Being busy is only a thought. It generates stress and worry, and it’s totally optional.
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There are things that only I can do, and things that anyone could do.
It's super easy to get stuck in patterns of doing things that might only include one or two of the “hats” we wear; so instead of taking time to be a wife, a mom, a friend, a colleague, a coach, a volunteer, a daughter, an exerciser, a musician, an artist, a soul… we end up being full-time mom or full-time student or full-time worker, and we never nurture the other parts of who we are.
When we think we don't have time to nurture other parts of who we are, we feel neglected.
When the other parts of who we are, are neglected, we begin to feel resentful.
FOUR strategies to help you find time:
1. Practice believing that you have enough time. Practice generating peacefulness and calm, even in the midst of things to do and places to be. Operating as a frazzled and "busy" person causes us to turn inward, lose perspective, get stuck in our heads, and miss out on being a loving, kind, outward thinking person. Peace and love are always an option, and they feel a whole lot better than chaos.
2. Each week, make a list of “hats” (home and family, church, business or work....) and what tasks you would like to complete for each one. Look at your calendar, and assign spots to each item. *Be sure to include soul-nourishing!
3. Check out the StoryBrand Productivity planner. Podcast episode that explains the process can be heard HERE.
4. Try the Pomodoro Technique (set a timer for 20 or 25 mins-- or less if you're me -- and see how much you can do in that window! Then take a break.)
Small actions done consistently add up and compound over time! A single penny, doubled every day for 31 days will yield ten times more than getting a million dollars today. Do little things with consistency, and those little actions compound!
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Change always begins with compassion.
All-or-nothing mentality causes us to live in fight-or-flight response, because everything is either good or bad, right or wrong, success or failure.
If we are thinking in all-or-nothing terms, then we end up day-after-day experiencing habituated emotions.
Those habituated emotions drive our life, and we feel less and less in control.
When we feel out of control, we experience the feeling of being a victim, and we feel stuck.
When we feel stuck, we stay right where we are, without progress or change of any kind. (I believe we are hard-wired for progress and change). If we feel like progress or change isn’t an option, that feels pretty terrible and scary and hopeless. It’s like our agency is gone or at least limited. And that’s scary!
A friend of mine once pointed out that the kinds of situations that are most traumatic in our lives, are those when our agency is taken away.
It’s traumatic to not have agency!
And I believe this is how many of our negative emotions like anxiety and depression can feel like-- a loss of agency.
Thinking thoughts like "I'm terrible" or "she's a saint" contributes to all-or-nothing mentality; the truth is that we are both-- at times we might be terrible and at times we might be saints.
Here's what to do:
Remember that change always begins with compassion.
Practice allowing for setbacks; know it happens, and that’s okay.
Use the word “and” (I’m good and bad; I make good decisions and sometimes not so good decisions. I’m spiritual, and I also have questions. It was a hard day, and parts of it weren’t so bad).
Separate your value from your performance (Example of learning to sing alto; I was terrible at it! And I could laugh, because I wasn't attaching my value to how well I could sing alto.)
Add the word “yet” to your vocabulary (ex. I haven’t achieved it yet, or I haven't figured it out yet.)
More Calmness = Less Depression We don't necessarily need more happiness to solve our lows; we need more calmness.
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subject line: MIND.BODY.BOSS Group Fitness
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Five things that have been super influential for my MIND and BODY (and continue to be) are:
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Jody Moore: found her podcast "Better Than Happy" at the end of 2016 and discovered the power of thought work. I joined her membership the first month it was launched and am still a member. Learn more at jodymoore.com
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Deepak and Oprah: free 21 day meditation challenge starting July 15! I participated in a different free meditation challenge earlier this year, and it ROCKED my world! If you want to join and the challenge with me, here's the link.
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"Heal" documentary on Netflix: Suuuper interesting to consider the science behind our minds and how they may play a powerful role in healing. One part of the documentary that I found intriguing is about cancer researcher Kelly Turner and her book "Radical Remission." (Check out radicalremission.com for more on this.)
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Dr. Greger: “How Not to Die” book and Nutritionfacts.org
Medical Dr. who is all about getting the latest research about food into the mainstream. He teaches what can be done to help prevent and even reverse them disease. I use his "Daily Dozen" app to help me fit as many of the recommended types of plants into my body each day as I can.
- Movement such as Yoga (I'm a huge fan of yoga!)
I love yoga because it teaches us soo many things about life and how to breathe and be okay through discomfort. I believe this spills into how we conduct our lives. It also provides lots of other health benefits (just like all movement does). If you don't have a studio nearby or you'd rather do yoga in the privacy of your home, I really like the free Down Dog app. It has TONS of options like a variety of class types and you can choose your duration and the voice among other things. (That's some BONUS info if you're reading this, because I failed to mention it in the podcast! Lucky you :)
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Choosing the path of least resistance always seems like a good idea in the moment, but rarely has us operating as our best selves.
In this episode, I share three categories of personal guideposts that I have created in my own life, that help increase agency and avoid the pitfalls of living a reactionary life.
First category is the "never regrets." I never regret nurturing relationships, feeding myself nourishing foods, exercising, or honoring my body signals. When I find myself on the fence of whether or not to engage in these kinds of opportunities, I remind myself that I'll never regret it. I'm always glad when I do these things.
The second category is "choosing love." When I'm faced with any decision or any challenging situation, I try to think "what would love do--" love for me and love for everyone involved. Sometimes it's something small like being done with dessert or only allowing a kind inner-voice (rather than the all-too-common inner critic), and sometimes it's something bigger like swallowing my desire to be right, and choosing instead to simply be kind.
The third category is "don't wait to do good." I have noticed that doing good sometimes takes some courage or we think we need some permission or prompting or instruction, so we hold off. I have learned that we don't need permission or prompting or instruction to simply do things that we know are good to do. Yes, it might be uncomfortable or take some courage, but I promise we will always be glad we did!
Living according to these simple guides helps us like ourselves better, trust ourselves more fully (which builds confidence), minimizes regrets and negative self-talk, and ultimately helps us live a more full life. It helps us be in control of positive ways that we can choose to experience our life.
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Did you know that everything we want, is because of how we think it will make us feel? In reality, all we ever want is a feeling. Yep, a feeling!
The reason we don't already feel the way we want to feel, is because of something going on inside our minds. Our well-intended brains tend to hold us back or continue to operate in old default patterns. The good news is that we have the capacity to figure it out.
The 4-part process discussed in this episode:
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have compassion toward yourself (everything we do or don't do, has a positive intention)
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decide what we really want, and what having that will do for us (what feeling are we wanting)
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feel the feeling ahead of time (create an emotional "blueprint")
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practice thinking and feeling how you want to think and feel
This process helps us be "agents" to act, rather than be acted upon. It opens us to possibilities that we didn't even know were available to us. It increases our agency, and it let's us experience more of what we want to experience! So fun!
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TWO things:
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Everyone struggles with body image. (Even the people you think wouldn't or shouldn't... they do too.)
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It doesn't have to be a life-time battle!
In this episode, I share my own personal experiences (....getting uber personal here...) with body image thoughts and struggles, what happens when we live in a place of negative body image, and what we can do to kindly help ourselves improve how we think about it all.
If you want additional support in this area, I recommend checking out the resources at www.bodyimagemovement.com.
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There are two kinds of resistance: the kind that is helpful, and the kind that is not.
The kind that is helpful, we will call "work."
The unhelpful kind involves arguing with reality; it's attempting to prevent something that already happened, or refusing to accept something that is out of our control.
It sounds logical when we put in these terms that this kind of resistance isn't helpful, and yet we do it ALL THE TIME (clearly, unaware of our mis-use of energy!)
Listen to hear examples of how and why we resist things, why it's futile, and what to do instead.
The well-known serenity prayer sums it well:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
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Our main challenge as humans is against ourselves, not against each other.
We think people and things and circumstances outside of us are our biggest challenge, but the truth is our challenge is with ourselves.
When we live in a state of constant comparison, it leads us to choosing to believe that we are either "dust of the earth," good for nothing, and worthless, OR that we are super important, and better than someone else. The adversary wants us to CHOOSE ONE or the other, because both beliefs create sin and misery.
The truth is we are BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Choosing one or the other (dust or super duper important) dismisses God's hand in our life and His hand in our creation. BOTH perspectives cause us to take all the credit for our creation. Both are self-absorbed ways of living. Both feel terrible.
If we are to understand who we are and what we're doing here, we also have to accept that we are SIMULTANEOUSLY BOTH dust AND the greatest of God's creations!
God only compares us to old us. Me to old me.
Our challenge is NOT against each other. It's only against ourselves.
BYU Devotional mentioned can be found here: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/j-b-haws_wrestling-with-comparisons/
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Being who we want to be on the inside is entirely different from achieving something on the outside. On the outside, we might have goals or ambitions to achieve something (like losing weight, or getting finances how we want them, or finding a spouse, or getting pregnant....), and yet when we achieve those things, we are still the same human on the inside.
It’s important to understand that even when we achieve the things we hope to achieve, the person we are BEing is still us.
We won’t magically become immune to insecurity or self-doubt once we lose weight.
We don’t become inoculated against feelings of frustration or fear just because we got out of debt.
We will still experience pain and suffering, even when we achieve what we want to achieve. It’s sort of like a cold or a flu bug-- as humans, we will always be susceptible to struggle and negative emotion.
This episode is much less about achieving goals and dreams and more about who we want to be along the way.
How do we want to think about our struggles?
How do we want to respond to them or talk about them or see them?
Listen to hear how I recommend accessing your inner wisdom and personal revelation, and how to create and experience BEing the person you want to be.
BYU devotional cited: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/stephen-r-covey_educated-conscience/
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"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brene Brown
While it is true that we are all experiencing our own individual lives, experiences, challenges and trials (and our salvation is entirely an individual matter), we are also profoundly connected to one another and are here together for a reason. We need each other for support, for love, we influence one another. We need each other in order to learn things like how to forgive and repent.
Thinking that "no one understands me or what I'm going through" divides us from each other. We will prove this to be true to ourselves if we choose to stay in the isolated space that this thinking generates.
Instead, if we focus on how much we have in common as humans, we can find so much unity. We are actually not all that different from one another.
We all have an innate desire to belong (which is the opposite of "fitting in," according to Brene Brown). True belonging comes when we have the courage to be who we are; to accept ourselves, and allow that imperfect version of ourselves to be seen.
If we are afraid of each other, we hold back our love (both for ourselves, and for each other). "Perfect love casteth out all fear."
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Self-love and Selfishness are completely different!
Selfishness is defined as being concerned excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.
Self-love means having self-compassion and a regard for our well-being.
If we are incapable of loving ourselves and understanding our own value, is it really possible to see the value and worth of others from a place of sincere love? Think about it: we might think “of course I can love others and not myself-- I can see the worth and value of others and I can love them, even if I don’t really love myself.” Parents especially would argue this because of course we love our kids more than ourselves, right?
But consider what feelings we might really be experiencing when we think of our kids or anyone else that we say we love; we might see their value and their worth, but what is the underlying feeling? Is there some worry or fear or comparison or lack?
That’s not love.
If we are harsh to ourselves or have unkind thoughts toward ourselves, we are likely to have similar thoughts toward others. If we live in comparison or a feeling of less-than or lack, then that is how our minds operate.. That will be our default lens; it will be the default way that we experience all people, including ourselves.
If we aren’t being very nice to other people, chances are we also aren’t being very nice to ourselves.
If see someone struggling or failing or making a mistake, what’s our response? It could be a loved one or our own kids or a complete stranger--what’s our response?
Are we judgy or embarrassed or shaming or wanting to scold them? Or do we find kindness and compassion, seeking to support them or understand them?
The way we respond to other people’s struggles is likely how we respond to struggles of our own.
So when we are struggling or make mistakes, are we judging ourselves or embarrassed or shameful or scolding ourselves?
Or do we access kindness toward ourselves and self-compassion, seeking to understand and support ourselves?
Self-love gives us the capacity to love other people even more.
Selfishness or being self-absorbed simply does not give us that capacity to love other people.
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Meditating is a GAME CHANGER (it has been for me).
I believe the quality of our lives (which is really the quality of our emotions), can be DRAMATICALLY improved by taking time to meditate.
"The soul always knows how to heal itself; the challenge is to silence the mind."
Here's why I meditate (and think everyone should):
It helps us access our inner wisdom
It helps us have higher quality emotions, which gives us a higher quality of life
It helps us to be present in the here and now, which I believe is required for receiving personal revelation
Check out Brooke Snow's 40-day Christian Meditation Challenge HERE.
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We all know that actions give us results, but did you know that we all have BEHIND-the-SCENCE players that ACTUALLY determine our results? When we DO something in hopes of generating a change in our lives WITHOUT ALSO addressing our behind-the-scenes players like BELIEFS and feelings, we usually end up continuing to experience the familiar same things that we are accustomed to experiencing. CHANGE only occurs when all the "players" are on board: we need our thoughts and feelings all aligned with our actions for true change to occur. We can choose to BELIEVE something first (genuinely get there in our thoughts and feelings FIRST), THEN our DOING (the actions), will actually create change, and give us the experience we want.
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My world changed the first time I heard this phrase:
"Choose Progress Over Perfection"
In my quest for things that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy," I realized that I was slapping a cruel measuring stick on myself.
I was experiencing my life from a place of lack; I thought that if I’m striving, then clearly that means I’m not there yet, and therefore I’m lacking.
Living in a fear-based way with my value attached to things I was or wasn't doing, is really unsettling and scary.
Listen to hear how perfectionism might be showing up in your life, and some ideas for how to shift that experience into peace and hope and excitement!
"Your stop-doing list is more important than your to-do list."
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Today we are talking about the difference between questions and doubts.
I believe the biggest difference between questions and doubts is what they generate for us:
Doubts create indecision and uncertainty and tend to keep us stuck. Doubt feeds more doubt, keeping us somewhere between belief and disbelief, and preventing us from feeling resolution and confidence.
Questions tend to generate curiosity and a disposition to seek a new understanding. It’s a thirst for knowledge, a desire to understand, and be able to come to settled place of peace, resolution, and confidence.
Listen to this episode to hear how questions and doubts play out in our physical bodies, what we believe we are capable of, and how it relates to our faith.
"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.
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Today's episode is all about fixing other people. Doesn't that sound amazing? If we can just fix other people that are causing problems for us, that would solve so many things, right?
Listen to hear how I learned the trick after about 5-10 years of struggle and habitual negative emotion around other people's behavior.
Here's the truth:
Our power comes from owning our feelings. We have to swallow and internalize our own role in generating the feelings we are experiencing.
When our happiness or peace is contingent on other people's behavior, we end up a victim.
When we understand our role in creating our feelings, we gain authority to shift our experience away from victimhood and move toward becoming the hero of our story.
Peace and contentment and happiness is available. It's an option, but usually we have to go through the "ick" of negative emotion and mind management to get there.
It's doable for all of us, and it feels so much better!
Enjoy today's episode!
If you're curious about coaching with me, click here to access my online calendar for a complimentary intro session.
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Curious about coaching with me? Click here to book a complimentary intro session
The more we understand our minds, the more we understand the importance of intentionally choosing what goes inside of them. The same is true for our bodies.
If we aren't intentional, then our brains do the best they can, living on default mode. Default mode is fine and can serve us, but most of the time our defaults prevent us from living into our best lives. Default mode generally prevents us from doing things that require stretch and growth, because they cause us to hide or find ways to numb-out from anything uncomfortable, and we end up living defensively and believing stories that our brain tells.
When things happen that we don't expect, our mind reveals what's going on inside of it through our feelings and actions. If we feel stuck or like a victim, that's okay, AND there is always another option (if you want another option).
“When we deny our stories, they own us,” says Brené Brown. “When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.”
I think it was Zig Ziglar who said: "Circumstances don't create character. Circumstances reveal it."
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Did you know that all humans suffer? Even the pretty ones, and the ones that seem to have perfect lives? Yep. No one is immune. When we experience negative emotions like insecurity, anxiety, shame, loneliness, or depression, how we think about it really matters. If we think negative emotion is a problem and something has gone wrong, then it's problematic. If we believe that negative emotion is a part of being human, we're supposed to experience challenging things, and it's part of being human, THEN we gain access to peace. This is how we claim power to "accept the things we cannot change (instead of fighting and resisting and stressing over things that we have no control over), have courage to change the things we can (how we are thinking about it), and have wisdom to know the difference" (Serenity Prayer). "Peace is not the absence of trouble. It's the PRESENCE of Christ."
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Thinking we "should" be motivated when we aren't is seriously NOT motivating! It's very discouraging, sends us into negative self-talk, and definitely doesn't generate the life we actually want (no bueno).
Listen to hear a three-part strategy to get you experiencing more of what you want (including motivation) and less of what you don't (lose the rude, self-loathing inner-critic)!
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I discovered an un-anticipated challenge for some of my clients:
One of the activities we do is to make a list of things they appreciate about themselves; I anticipated that it would be a bit challenging (because we don't usually use our minds this way), however what I didn't anticipate, is for some of them it felt selfish and boastful.
It was a conflict with their values of being humble and selfless.
Here's the problem:
If we think that pridefulness and humility are complete opposites, then we may mistakenly think that humility involves belittling ourselves and being overly aware of our weaknesses and short-comings (...because at least we'll know we aren't being prideful, right?).
I believe that the kind of humility taught in the scriptures involves acknowledging God's creation in us. It's understanding that we are good and and strong and of value, because He created us.
This kind of humility is strong, because in it, we are glorifying Him. We didn't create ourselves; AND as children of God, we all have strengths and abilities and bits of divinity.
Understanding this is important for several reasons; here's three:
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It blesses us with kindness and compassion for ourselves
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It's necessary for progression
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It glorifies our creator!
Listen to hear more about how I think "humble-strength" relates to being as a child (it's pretty good)!
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"Little hinges swing big doors."
In this episode, you'll hear a number of small and simple things that I have found helpful (and even life-changing), that can easily be incorporated into our day, without adding to the to-do list!
Two main points:
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Small and simple things have a compound effect over time (whether they are in our favor or not).
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Small and simple things can be really powerful in the short term too!
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If we want to feel better, we have to become better at feeling.
Yep.
(Listen to the full episode to get what I mean-- including a real life example from my life this past weekend, involving my husband!)
Feeling better involves two entirely different skill sets:
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alleviating misery by knowing how to handle all the negative emotion we experience and
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generating or creating all the pieces of well-being in our lives.
Both skill sets are required for truly feeling better in our lives. They help us to know ourselves, control ourselves, and gain mastery of ourselves, and it all helps us to like ourselves.
If we are paying attention, the Holy Ghost will be our teacher, and our emotions are the curriculum.
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Did you know that focusing on our actions is not the most efficient way to get the results we want? Two people engaging in the same actions can get totally different results. How can this be?
The biggest factors in our results are silent players, behind-the-scenes: our thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts and feelings drive all our actions (and inactions). When we understand how we are creating our current experiences, that is when we gain new authority and ability to create a different experience if we want to.
Learning to manage our minds helps us to see new options and new ways of being and new ways of experiencing our lives. It's such a gift that only we can give to ourselves!
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I'm beginning to think that I could seriously argue that our physical bodies are THE most significant (and the most under-appreciated) element of our well-being. This is NOT simply because I believe in the power of physical health; it's because I STRONGLY believe that our bodies are supremely significant players and contributors to all our our human experiences, no matter the condition.
This episode features Dr. Martin Seligman's PERMA Model for Well-Being and my thoughts on how each element connects to our physical bodies.
“The body is more than simply another machine, indistinguishable from the artificial objects of the world, it is also the vessel of the individual’s sense of self, his most personal feelings and aspirations, as well as that entity to which others respond in a special way because of their uniquely human qualities.” ~ Gardner, 1993, pp. 235-6
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This is a good one! It' s one of my favorite topics; this episode discusses the role of agency in creating our life experiences. Guys, it's all about AGENCY!
We are agents to ACT (which means we can direct what's going on in our minds), rather than to be acted upon (living by defaults of an unmanaged mind --which I believe is the "natural man").
Questions to ask yourself each morning:
(These direct our minds, and create more of the life experiences we want--from Tony Robbins, via Ed Mylett's podcast episode "Unlocking Your Success Code")
- What am I HAPPY about in my life right now? What about that makes me happy? How does it make me feel?
- What am I EXCITED about in my life right now? What about that makes me excited? How does it make me feel?
- What am PROUD of in my life right now? What about it makes me proud? How does it make me feel?
- What am I am GRATEFUL for in my life right now? What about that make me grateful? How does that make me feel?
- What am I ENJOYING most in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does it make me feel?
- What am I COMMITTED to in my life right now? What about that makes me committed? How does it make me feel?
- Who do I LOVE? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
Questions to ask each evening:
- What have I given today? In what ways have I been a giver?
- What did I learn today?
- How had today added to the quality of my life? How can I use today as an investment in my future?
To access Brooke Snow's free class on how the Law of Attraction Fits in With the Gospel, visit her site: http://blog.brookesnow.com/
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One of my lowest moments occurred recently, when I experienced extreme indifference. It seemed as though everything was meaningless, and it was the most disturbing experience.
Listen to hear my thoughts about this experience and a few things that were helpful for me.
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In this episode, I share personal journal entries from 2018 that are helping me to acknowledge progress and remember lessons that I want to keep with me as I move forward into 2019.
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Debut episode for my handsome husband, Mark Stevenett!
Get a taste of each of our struggles in high school, including three lessons that I learned the hard way (and over lots of time!).
To book a complimentary info session about the Confidence Course for teens, click here:
https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/TeenConfidenceInfoCall
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How do you know if you're making the right or wrong decision?
In this episode, I teach you how you can always make the right decision. We discuss how we frame our stories, and how to know if our stories are serving us.
To learn more about the Confidence Course for Teens, click below to book your complimentary info call:
https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/TeenConfidenceInfoCall
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We're in the middle of the holiday season, and if you're anything like how I used to be, you might have some "drama" in your mind about all the food and treats and how much weight you might gain.
Did you know it's all optional? Seriously.
In this episode, we discuss why you might want to treat your body differently than you currently do, and how to have the desire to do so.
What if you were in charge of caring for someone else's body, someone who you love? What thoughts would you have about their body? How would you treat it?
Can you treat your own body, as though it belonged to someone you love?
You'll hear lots of ideas of how you might want to treat your body with more care and support. All the small actions, done consistently over time, always yield great results. None of it happens overnight.
Who we are and who we are becoming are always made up of thousands of little acts, fueled by little thoughts and feelings that we have every day.
You matter. Your health and well-being matter. You are the best one (and only one) who can truly take care of YOU.
Happy Holidays!
For information about the private Confidence Course for teens, book a complimentary info call here: https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/ConfidenceForChristmas
or email me at mstevenett@gmail.com
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I have found that most of my confidence stems from having learned how to manage what's going on inside my own head.
It's not unlike how kids gain confidence as they learn to do things for themselves, like brushing their teeth or tying their shoes.
It's empowering and exciting to gain this kind of ability and responsibility.
Obviously, gaining the ability and responsibility to manage our physical needs is entirely different from taking responsibility to manage our minds; it doesn't happen intuitively, and we certainly aren't taught how.
In this episode, we discuss how our experiences are always being created in OUR minds, and therefore OUR minds have the ability to shift our experiences, if we want to.
We don't have to live at the effect of situations and people and things outside of us. It's within our power to create something different, if we want to. THIS generates confidence.
Email me! mstevenett@gmail.com
I would love your topic requests and questions! If you have comments, please leave them in a review. :)
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Did you know that our relationships really only exist in our minds? Not in a voo-doo way, but in a this-is-how-we-experience each other kind of way.
It's in our heads.
When we have a great relationship, it's because of what's going on in our mind. When we have a terrible relationship, it's also because of what's going on in our mind. (...It's how we are experiencing it...)
Hold up... I know you want to dispute this and tell me a story about someone who really wronged you, or dispute this idea with stories of horrible acts.
I'm not saying that other people's actions aren't part of the equation; I'm only saying that if we want to feel peaceful or good or anything else when it comes to our relationships, it's an option.
A few points discussed in this episode are: (along with lots of great thoughts for feeling better in our relationships)
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Our relationships exist in our minds, and therefore can be anything we want them to be.
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Our feelings are ours, and we are the only one that feels them. Other people don't get to experience our anger or love or anything else. WE do. If we feel like a victim to our anger (like we don't have a choice in the matter), then we are giving our power to something outside of us.
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Love always feels the best, and it’s always an option. If you want to get there and just can’t find loving thoughts about someone, you can ask Heavenly Father to show you what makes them lovable, and He will show you.
Say hi to me sometime! Email me at mstevenett@gmail.com and I'll say hi back. :)
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Is there an area of your life that you would like to see improvement?
Here's a tip: confidence enhances everything (...and likewise, a lack of confidence weakens things that would be strong).
The kind of confidence that really serves us is not boastful or better-than; it's simply confidence in being the person that God created us to be and, trusting ourselves to be that person in all situations and circumstances.
In this episode, I share thoughts that give me confidence and help me be more of who I want to be, as well as my personal strategy that you can use to generate more confidence for yourself.
I would love to hear your confidence mantra! Email me at mstevenett@gmail.com to share yours, and I'll share it in the next episode.
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Do you struggle to be kind to yourself?
In this episode, we discuss our beliefs about ourselves and how they impact our life experience. I share personal story from my life as a teenager, a college student, and as an adult that illustrate how beliefs about myself played out in various circumstances.
Choosing to believe in my own innate goodness has completely changed how I experience my life, and helped me to be kind to myself. It's such a relief!
Listen for two ways you can develop kindness toward yourself, and change what you are experiencing in your life for the better.
[This is part 1 in a series of mindsets that have made a big difference in my life.]
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In this episode, we discuss what and why we avoid, and how we can gain power to face and overcome our own "monsters," and gain confidence to do/become/create whatever we want to.
Listen to hear about a recent dream of mine that vividly taught me this lesson, as well as one gigantic thing I have been avoiding!
To reach me, email mstevenett@gmail.com
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The scriptures teach that the first and great commandment, upon which all the other commandment hang, is to LOVE. Love the Lord thy God, and love thy neighbor as thyself.
All the commandments hang on this one commandment: to love.
If you were asked: what prevents us from feeling love or what gets in the way of feeling loving (whether toward others or toward ourselves), what would you say?
My first thought was that the barrier to love must be the opposite of love, which we might say is hate. That makes sense logically; hate certainly doesn’t leave space for love.
But I think there’s something a lot sneakier and more subtle than hate, that prevents us from feeling loving. It’s judgement.
In this episode, we discuss why judgement can be so problematic, how love is the answer, PLUS two ways to experience more love for yourself.
You'll also get an inside view of my marriage as I share experiences with my husband that illustrates this concept.
Book a complimentary coaching session with me: https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/ (new clients only)
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In this episode, we discuss how DOing the "right" things is very different from BEing someone who wants to. We discuss how this applies to our spiritual well-being as well as to our physical health.
Doing things and checking boxes is NOT the same as BEING someone who naturally chooses to.
The feelings driving what we are DOing MATTER.
We may be doing all the "right" things, but if it's driven from frustration or resentment, we will have a very different experience than if we are doing them from love and hope and desire. Ultimately, our feelings behind all our actions is what generates our results.
For example, it's easier to say a prayer, than it is to BE someone who is engaged in prayer.
It's easier to skip sugar for a day, than to BE someone who doesn't even want it.
Our goal is to BE rather than to DO.
As we BE someone who chooses supportive actions from a place of desire and hope and love, THAT is when the actions become part of who we are, and we receive the real benefits of DOing.
We are all a work in progress, and I believe we are all doing our best (even if our best is terrible).
"Do the best you can until you know better; when you know better, do better." -Maya Angelou
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Multiple requests for more on gut-health, and you got it!
Jonell Francis was the first person I thought of to share with you her vast knowledge and resources in the scope of gut-health.
Twenty years ago, Jonell healed from chronic pain, inflammation, and auto-immune disease. Since then, she has helped thousands of others become pain free and healthy again.
Jonell shares her personal story of health problems that triggered her journey to find answers; at one point her prayers changed from "please make this go away and heal me" to "show me the way."
This lead her to becoming a gut "queen" with an amazing protocol that is helping people all around the world. (Go to https://myfeelgoodfoods.com/?wpam_id=81 for more info.)
We talk about why gut health is important, how gut problems may manifest, and the epidemic of disease on the rise that can largely be solved (or at least largely reduced) by giving our guts what they need.
Jonell also explains how chemical responses to emotions (like fight-or-flight) in our bodies affect the Ph of our bowel lining; these chemical changes can destroy friendly bacteria.
"Buffing up our mind-sets and learning how to better manage our emotions is VERY important to gut health."
"It behooves us all to learn how to walk more peaceably with each other, how to forgive more quickly, and how to regularly de-junk negative emotions that might have been caught there inside our being."
Learn more about Jonell's Re-boot protocol here: https://myfeelgoodfoods.com/?wpam_id=81
Book a FREE session with Michelle here: https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/
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Do you sometimes wonder if you should be happier than you are? Does it seem like everyone else is having a better life experience than you are?
The truth is, we ALL struggle.
Even if you are beautiful and have a billion dollars... all humans struggle.
For me (and probably for you too), it's daily.
Thinking that we "should" be happier, will NEVER help us to FEEL happier.
In fact, believing that feels TERRIBLE, like something is wrong. It's like we have been robbed of our ability to feel happy or that our happiness is outside of our control. Not good, and not true.
Three things to understand, that I find really helpful when I'm curled in a ball crying from negative emotion:
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Negative emotion doesn't mean anything about me is wrong or flawed. It's simply a physiological response in my body from thoughts (often triggered by something unconscious).
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Negative emotion is part of the plan and part of the process of life. Growing and stretching doesn't feel good, but it's part of the deal if we are going to progress. We are designed to handle it.
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As soon as I'm done physically processing the emotion, I can redirect my mind to thoughts that are useful. This is one way I practice kindness toward myself (by allowing negative emotion when needed, not beating myself up over it or making it mean anything painful, and then choosing what I really want to think and feel).
To get help with your struggles, book a free session with me!
https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/
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We all have human identities and eternal identities, and the two don't always match up.
The goal of this podcast is to deepen our understanding our our eternal identities (intentionally choosing to believe in our inherent value and goodness), so that we can practice living our lives as that version of ourselves.
"We become what we want to be, by being what we want to become each day." -Elder Hales, General Conference October 2010
Living from our belief in our eternal identities helps us exercise our agency to act instead of react-- to BE who we want to be, in all circumstances.
This episode is unique: it is the audio extraction from a video that was submitted as part of a speaker application for BYU Education Week, and therefore the content is intended for people who would attend that event.
MichelleStevenett.com
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Do you feel like outside forces are bossing your life?
This episode can help you claim all the power to live the life you really want to!
For purposes of this discussion, the experience of our lives will be reduced to thoughts, feelings, & actions.
THREE crucial pieces to understand:
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First is awareness of how WE are creating our current experience. Unless we understand our role in creating what we are experiencing, we won't see any options for shifting it.
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Next, is choosing WHO we believe we are, at the level of our identities. If we believe we are inherently flawed, then we will operate in flawed ways. If we believe that we are inherently good, we become capable of operating that way.
WHO we believe we ARE, is HOW we will operate.
- The final piece is to practice BEING what we want to BECOME. It takes time to truly internalize, shift, and become masterful at BEING the person we want to be. It takes daily practice.
https://hidratespark.com/ DISCOUNT CODE: MICHELLES10
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Self-sabotage: 1.) we are often unaware of it & 2.) it always has to do with our MINDS (which is GREAT, because WE have the power to shift it)
Six ways it shows up: 1. "Auto-pilot" trumps "manual pilot." Our minds resist change because it takes effort, and our minds want to be efficient.
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Change can feel scary, uncomfortable, or threatening to our identities.
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We may feel conflicted with believing that we are enough, and telling ourselves we "should" be different. This feels contrary to self-acceptance.
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Unhealthy habits serve a well-intended purpose; they are a functional strategy with a positive intention (and the best solution we have found so far).
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Other people and things are more important than we are, and therefore our well-being doesn't take priority.
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We think "I've been good & deserve" a little extra.
Smart water bottle I LOVE https://hidratespark.com Discount Code at checkout: MICHELLES10
Brook Castillo's Minimum Baseline https://thelifecoachschool.com/209
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I used to believe that if I was truly grateful, then I wouldn’t want anything beyond what I had.
I believed that if I wanted anything more, then that was a sign of ingratitude -- I wasn’t being grateful for what I had.
Now I believe that we can simultaneously be grateful for what we have, AND want more.
I believe we are wired for progress, and wanting more of anything good, isn't necessarily a problem.
In fact, this is how we are taught to pray: first we give thanks, then we ASK. We are taught to be grateful AND want more.
THREE journal prompts to help you see how your mind may be operating:
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What do you want? (VERY important to be honest with yourself; no judging or editing your brain! Get as specific as you can; avoid broad statements like "I want to be healthy.")
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What will having that do for you? (What do you want to FEEL, and can you imagine feeling it now?)
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What advice would your future self (who already has the result), tell you?
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Most of us have thoughts like "I didn't get enough done today," or "I didn't get enough sleep" or "I'm not a good enough____" (fill in the blank). Believing that we never have enough of something (or that WE aren't enough) is totally draining, AND it's OPTIONAL.
Choosing to believe that we are enough, we have enough, and that we are doing enough is such a relief, and it actually drives energy, creativity, love, peace, and acceptance.
In this episode, I share a couple of personal stories that illustrate how this has come up for me, and how changing my thoughts to believe in enough has made all the difference.
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We generally agree on a lot of "shoulds" such as: -we should eat healthy foods -we should exercise -people should be nice When we believe something or someone "should" be different, then we often feel frustrated or resentful or disconnected or even angry.
Believing anything or anyone "should" be different, can be a problem if we don't ultimately want to FEEL the way we do (it can be helpful to question our well-intended "shoulds.")
What is the upside to thinking that someone or something (including ourselves) "should" be different? Does it serve me to believe that?
Choosing to believe that everyone (including me) is exactly how they are supposed to be, really serves me; it helps me to access love and kindness, compassion, and empathy, rather than resisting who they ARE being.
Same principle applies to ourselves; if we think we should be different in any way, it makes it challenging to have kindness and compassion on ourselves.
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Having a healthy body is NOT what makes us valuable. We just already ARE.
We are not our bodies (we have value with or without them).
What a relief! Our value is always there, always intact, no matter what is or isn't going on with our bodies.
However this belief can have a trap: If our value stays the same, no matter the condition of our body, then why make any efforts to improve it?
I suggest that we maintain our health because our bodies ALSO have value and worth (not because doing so makes US more valuable... it doesn't).
Want a FREE session? I'm currently looking to coach ladies between the ages of 17-22. If you or someone you know would like a fun FREEBIE, click the link below and choose a spot on my calendar! It'll be fun!
https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/
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When I tell people that I'm a Health Coach, they tend to look confused, not knowing exactly what that means (...do you create meal plans or exercise plans? Nope!)
In this episode, I explain why my focus (and passion) is habit change, and how many "behind the scenes" pieces play a roll in creating new behaviors that last.
BTW: I am currently looking for 8 young ladies (approximately ages 17-22) to coach privately in my newly created program just for them! If you or a young lady you know would like to try a FREE mini-session, click the link below and book a spot while they are still available:
https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/
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This is a concept that became really clear to me on one particular rebellious morning; I discovered that everything I thought I "had" to do, was actually optional, and I actually could do whatever I wanted.
As I played out all my newly found options, I discovered that I actually wanted to do everything on my "have-to" list.
This may be true in many areas of our lives, and certainly when it comes to how we take care our physical health. We don't HAVE to eat a certain way or DO anything to be healthy, but if we play out the alternatives, maybe we actually WANT to.
This episode also discusses having a compelling reason, owning our choices (with all the natural consequences they bring), focusing on what we want rather than what we DON'T, and being loyalty to yourself.
Enjoy!
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Gut health is where it's AT! It influences EVERYTHING about our health and even our mental health.
Listen as I share how and why I became fascinated with beneficial microorganisms, and some of the benefits I have experienced from adding them to my life.
Helpful resources:
Book GUT: The Inside Story of our Body's Most Underrated Organ by Giulia Enders
Gut healing companies I trust: https://myfeelgoodfoods.com/ https://www.amare.com/
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We might think that frustration or body-hate will motivate us to make changes for the better, but this isn't true at all.
Living with body-hate actually causes us to take LESS care for our bodies, not more.
If we value our bodies, and truly get to place of love and gratitude for them, THAT is when we truly treat our bodies with care, and take actions that support it.
Learning to tune in to body signals and honor them is the best way to build your relationship with your body, gain energy and live in a way that supports the life you want.
Get yourself (and a friend) a smart water bottle! -I LOVE mine.
www.hidratespark.com Use promo code at checkout: MICHELLES10
Good for 10% off, through 7/27/18 (FREE shipping & returns)
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Our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves has a HUGE impact on the choices we make, the habits we create for ourselves, and how we function in the world.
It's easy to think that our value can go up and down, and that some people are more valuable than others.
This is a lie, and believing it can cause us to treat ourselves as less-than.
When we understand and believe in our value, we will live in a way that supports that belief. This is how we become our best selves, and learn to live and operate as such.
My water bottle obsession:
www.HidrateSpark.com (Free shipping and returns, 30-day trial) *use Promo Code: MICHELLES10 at checkout for 10% off, good through 7/27/18
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It is soooo helpful to understand that there is a difference between YOU and your BRAIN. In this episode, we dive into how our brains tend to function, why it's so helpful to understand, and how it may show up in your life.
Understanding this has been a true game-changer!
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I love food. It's a great way to avoid feeling negative emotion. BUT, I also know that living as my best self requires BECOMING someone who knows what to do with emotions, even though it doesn't feel good. (Food isn't the answer, danggit!)
In this episode, I share stories about my emotions, how I have allowed them to process, and ways YOU can be the BOSS of your response to the emotions in your life.
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Thoughts are the birthplace for everything we experience in our lives (wether or not we are aware of it). As we gain awareness of how our minds are generating our experiences, we also gain authority to generate something different, if we want to.
In this episode, I share my real-life before and after story of how my mind has created my experiences, and how understanding this has changed literally EVERYTHING for me.
www.MichelleStevenett.com
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Do you ever wish that your body could look and feel the way you want it to, without needing to change any habits or engage in different actions? Ya. I get it.
BUT, what if we actually wanted to make changes to our actions, fueled from care and love and honor for our bodies? What if we were so grateful for our bodies, that we genuinely wanted to choose actions that help it function at it's best?
In this episode, you'll discover how and why shifting what you want and need may be the missing piece. It happens to be the SECRET to habit change.
www.MichelleStevenett.com
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Before we dive into full episodes, I wanted to give you full disclosure of where I’m coming from, what my purpose and passion is, and why I’m even creating this podcast.
If you’re going to get to know me, you will know that I am greatly influenced by my faith and my relationship to God. I believe that God is my Father in Heaven, and that He loves me, and I love Him.
I also believe that His purpose for me is to become the fullest version of who I am, as His daughter.
Because I understand that we all have agency to choose, all I actually have control over is ME. And as I work to be the best ME, I want to grow the strengths that He has given me; I believe one of my strengths is understanding truth, and teaching it.
So, my purpose is to assist Heavenly Father with His purpose of becoming the fullest version of who I am, by using my agency to take actions each day that expand my love, my God-given strengths, and my influence as I feel guided from above.
More on my passion in episode!
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Welcome! In this intro episode you'll learn what I used to believe about being healthy and how those beliefs have changed. You'll see how my effort to not obsess caused me to totally obsess. I love the process of figuring out how to create our life experience, and I want to help YOU be the BOSS of yours!
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