Lovejoy Actually: Recent Episodes
LOVEJOY ACTUALLY
Lovejoy out loud with us every other Wednesday as we watch every episode of the beloved British comedy drama Lovejoy, and discuss it afterwards. Over wine.
Your Lovejoy raconteurs and bon vivants* are back for the final time with an extra, extra long episode seeing as it's THE VERY LAST ONE!
Pol geeks out in extremis as we analyse Tinker's Dream, wonder just how many archaelogical digs one man can raid and enjoy the East Anglian Antique Dealers Association Annual Dance.
- After all, who amongst us has never told their alka seltzer to shut up?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by those Titans of British Televison, Mr. Ian La Frenais and Mr. Dick Clement and directed by our beloved Baz Taylor.
Antiques of the Week: Ruskin's letters, a mosaic floor and Tink's dressing gown.
Cocktail of the Week: Adios MelonFarmer
ps you could die of nostalgia, back in the day...
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In this (very literal) episode we learn about the Cato Street Conspiracy - no thanks to UKTV Play - and enjoy, or not, an old school Lovejoy epsiode replete with tax people and an antique that just happens to be worth the exact amount of money he's short of.
Em tells a traumatic pram story, Dr. Helen tells us about hypnotherapy and we conclude Cricklewood is real as we watch Charlotte getting to grips with "having it all."
Question for listeners - what IS Tinker's tattoo? Answers on a postcard, or call 081 8111 etc etc...
You can find out more about the Cato Street Conspiracy here and give us a quid or two for our charity run round London's Royal Parks here.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Paul Alexander and directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: Libraries :/
Cocktail of the Week: Tequila Mockingbird
What better advice do you need? We enjoy watching a thoroughly naked (according to Em) Lovejoy getting hit by a massive mop this episode, as we also learn the difference between Tat and Valuable, remember Mr. Motivator and get thoroughly distracted by a packet of crisps.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by none other than the man himself Mr. Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Paul Harrison.
Antiques of the Week: Two very important pieces of modern art, and a nice vase.
Cocktail of the Week: A Vodka Sour - because it has Russian vodka in it, and an egg (tho Helen won’t get the reference…)
we’re all running a half marathon in October for Trinity Hospice - please consider sponsoring us! Every little helps
Join us as we enjoy some interesting sartorial choices and a blossoming bromance this week. There's smut aplenty as the Suffolk PD come up with a rather convuluted plan to recruit an antiques expert in their battle against a cur-ved sea captain.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Alex Kirby.
Antique of the Week: Cadbury's Roses, circa 1994.
Everyone wants Lovejoy to tell them who owns a godly bread bin - from the Greek Orthodox Church in London to the Dutch Land Reclamation Society - and they'll all pay him for the privilege.
Come and have a listen as we enjoy a pangolin distraction, hear about the Dunwich Dynamo and meet a generic loon who just adores "Tinky" !
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombes and Dave Robinson. It was directed by Ian McShane.
The UK Treasure Trove rules are here and you can learn more about Gruel Thursday at the Everyday Lore Project.
Don't forget we're still supporting Royal Trinity Hospice!
Pol’s run out of white wine (catastrophe) on what is very much not a red wine evening - as you might be able to tell by the audio quality(!) But we still get to learn the etymology of “ponce”, that Helen hates shampoo and why you should always buy an off peak return in this episode as we’re delighted to see Lovejoy in a place very dear to our hearts - London’s Soho. Although he doesn’t go to Trisha’s.
Antique of the Week: Fluffy pink crop tops and ringing up to hear the news on the telephone
Cocktail of the Week: the suprisingly straightforward Gunfire
The original Lovejoy episode was written by John Milne and directed by Ian White.
You can sponsor our Half Marathon on our Justgiving page here!
An extra long episode with extra voices as we’re joined by the Midsomer Maniacs themselves!! We have an absolute blast discussing this episode where Jim Leonard returns, and he’s in MEGA TROUBLE. Listen in as we discover that there are no blackcurrants in North America, that Charlotte is living in the future and exactly where the Stretford End is.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by Alex Kirby.
Antique of the Week: The slightly creepy rocking horse (pre-Jim’s ass.)
Cocktail of the Week: A Bloody Samurai
Many thanks to our guests Mark and Sarah from the Midsomer Maniacs podcast. Find them online @midsomermaniacs on Twitter and Instagram, or on the Midsomer subreddit! Lovejoy writers Jeremy Paul, Douglas Watkinson and of course the inimitable Terry Hodgkinson have all written for Midsomer Murders - check out which episodes and give them a go!
Lovejoy and his band of scallywags (what?) are back and we have a bit of a stare into the abyss listener, but don't worry, it's not very deep. Plenty of potential for peril this episode though as we see a sad AND forlorn AND melancholy Tink having a mope in a pub, a caravan and on a bridge - before he disappears!
So join us to learn what naughty thing Polly did with her phonecard, where the best place is to offload nicked jewellery, and what happens when you're the kind of chap to Keep Calm and Carry On, and you can't...
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by Ian White.
Antique of the Week: Charlotte's jewellery, a phone card, and Wallis Simpson's rock crystal bracelet
Polly's Cocktail Recommendation: Over The Rainbow
❤ Don’t forget, wherever you are in the world, you can search online for local mental health support should you need it. If you're in the UK and you feel rotten, please tell your GP - they can help you out. You can also always contact the Samaritans for free on 116 123 on or by emailing jo@samaritans.org, get help from the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) and - if you identify as a chap and you're in the UK - why not take a look if there's an Andy's Man Club available near you ❤
Sustained peril this episode as we sit through approximately 22 hours of reckoning... Charlotte's in trouble (again) but not to worry, Lovejoy - and not the police, what are you thinking - is on the case!
Join us as we discuss the difference between a sacristy and a vestry, enjoy some omnious music and learn that everyone is taller than Helen.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by John Goldsmith and directed by Paul Harrison.
Antiques of the Week: A Queen Anne coffeepot and a chess set with more atoms than the universe.
EM’S “FUN” FACTS
Almost one in three women aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime
In the year ending March 2018, nine times more women than men were killed by their partner or ex-partner
Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales alone
Nearly a quarter of women (almost 1 in 4!) have experienced sexual assault or attempted sexual assault since the age of 16
Lovejoy - it's like a mullet sandwich made of two lacks of mullet with a mullet filling... anyway, here we are with the first episode of Series 6!
Mature Themes this week with some first class twattery from Charlotte's horrid love interest (Gordon Fitzalan / and Alan fits Gordon) and the question of whether Miss Bianca from the rescuers really did bonk Lovejoy on the downlow. And who is really going to want "a massive f*!@ing gong that won't fit anywhere" ?
Antique of the Week: Em requests a cartier watch please. Pol will have a gong she won't be able to get up the stairs.
The original Lovejoy episode was directed by Richard Laxton and written by... Eric Deacon!! (Derek! DENNIS.)
Live free or DIE!!
Come with us (and Lovejoy) to the good ol’ US of A replete with diners, cheerleaders, divebars. ‘gators and … interesting numberplates as we have a ball discussing the second part of Series 5 Xmas - contentious - special.
The original Lovejoy episode was directed by Geoffrey Sax and written by - of course - Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais.
It’s finally here! Polly’s all time for sure 100% favourite ever episode of Lovejoy!
This is part one as we talked for so long about the feature length series 5 finale/Christmas special (who knows? we don’t…) Part two will be with you next week.
We’ve finally done a vague amount of research so please enjoy more geography knowledge, Em’s Fortean musings, and a not insignificant amount of raff in this truly international extravaganza.
The original Lovejoy episode was directed by Geoffrey Sax and written by - who else - Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais.
Jolly hockey sticks with Chas and the gang at her school reunion - poor Lovejoy! An unashamedly romantic episode this week, where Lovejoy possibly gets wine on his shirt (again.)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Andy de la Tour and directed by Jim Hill.
Antique of the Week: a rather depressed looking taxidermy rabbit.
An extra long episode because quite frankly we were too excited by RICHARD BRIARS to keep it concise. Fond memories of fudge, a nice easy switcheroo and an incredibly strong cocktail all feature this week as we meet Faith, Hope and Raymond...
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Colin Shindler and directed by Jim Hill.
Antique of the Week: a ship's decanter, VHS tapes (and their boxes) and an Arcadian pottery cottage.
It's our very own version of a mysterious Terry episode as we refuse to resolve the Mumsnet Boswell riddle
. Pol has fond memories of the Ribblesdale Swimming Baths Car and Em struggles over the word quacksilver, as we enjoy an episode featuring Phil Daniels (though not quite enough for Helen's taste...)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Gawn Grainger wrote and directed by Ken Horn.
Another lockdown episode in which we ferries, dentists and of course THE PUB... all of which feature heavily in this week, along with the wonderful Mr. Pete Postlethwaite, much to our delight!
Tune in for RL Stine chat, Goose Nutters and to hear Helen write a Haiku.
Antique of the Week: Head Sports Bag, Point Horror novels and 90s flyers
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by Gordon Flemyng.
Bert Kwouk's back and so is the peril (and Lovejoy's dressing gown....) in an episode featuring an aging party animal, a Chinese yuppie and a shady organisation - like the WI but for crime syndicates...
Come over to @lovejoyapod and tell us your Chinese zodiac!
Antique of the Week - the Africa collection (which bit of Africa? Who knows!)
The original Lovejoy epsiode was written by Mike Ripley and directed by Ken Horn.
A little present for Twixtmas! Here's our previously published Patreon interview with Andy Rowley, Bafta award winning production manager, who worked on Lovejoy in the 90s. You can join us on Patreon for early access to episodes as well as blooper reels, Q&As and other behind the scenes stuff - www.patreon.com/lovejoyactually
Disbelief positively floats this episode as Lovejoy encounters more peril, this time because - guess why - that’s right, a friend of Charlotte’s needs helping out of a sticky financial situation. Psychological thriller with the loveable rogue, where we discuss the postwar Camden bohemia, Helen’s love of a bureau and the well known 1993 art deco antiques drought of London.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by TR Bowen and directed by Gordon Flemyng (no relation.)
Antique(s) of the Week: Poems, baggy t-shirts and - need we add - a bureau. She loves a bureau.
Who cares about Charlie’s sideboard? NOT US! Or our special guest, Mr. Arwel Richards, who joins us for some asides all the way from Magic Wales. We meet some baddie historians, fake druids and “revenge preacher guy” in this week’s episode where we also enjoy some very 90s hair, a really big house and learn that Helen loves a cave.
The original was written by Alan Clews and directed by Jim Hill (not that one.)
Antique of the Week: Celtic Apostle Crosses - Helen bags the biggest one.
A shock exit (rather more whimper than bang, if we’re honest) and an improbably large sideboard this week as Tink and Eric try to go on holiday, while DCI Sharp (ANTIQUES SQUAD) is determined to nick Lovejoy for reasons known only to himself and his dot matrix printer.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by John Milne and directed by Jim Hill.
Antique of the Week: Snakey and Black and ringing your friends from the pub (probably cos you’ve had too much snakey n black…)
Helen brings us up to speed with our French grammar this episode as we learn how much Charlie loves porcelain, how much we love Percy the Porcelain and just exactly what is a market ouvert.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Nicholas Laughland.
Antiques of the Week: a lovely teapot and a trunk stuffed full with the detritus of relationships past.
Another cracking episode as we discuss the size of horses, (Julie) fruit baskets, “Rose Bum Man” and the finest French paperweights in East Anglia… and of course, this is the one where we meet the fantastic Beth (and her Docs)!!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by Nicholas Laughland.
“Don’t forget me, love… Dave?!”
A bit of a tearjerker this week, as we meet Charlotte Cavendish and come to terms with Jane really being gone for good! In amongst all that we also find time to discuss flashbacks, Look Back in Anger for five year olds and whether or not you should put a stretch on LinkedIn.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombes & Dave Robinson and directed by Ian McShane.
Antique of the Week: The Natural Law Party
An almost feature length episode as we say goodbye to a favourite character (and can't bring ourselves to talk about it!)
It's a very "omnious" episode with a spooky mirror, a dingy dockyard and even a little bit of bin juice.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: gap years, country houses, and of course - potentially haunted toilet mirrors.
Back to school everyone, yep we’re back with Series Five (and with Helen!) Another weird birthday present kicks off the plot this episode as we learn there’s no such thing as a micropig, why you can’t hide a wrapped-in-a-bin-bag-bronze forever and wonder if Helen used her time off to create the Wikipedia entry on The History of Telephone Numbers in the United Kingdom…
Antique of the Week: (all together now) Oh eight one, eight one one, eight one, EIGHT ONE!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor.
We’re still on our holidays, but here’s a tiny taster of the much longer blooper reel we dropped for our Patrons last week.
You can join us from as little as $2 a month for access to full length bonus episodes, videos, shout outs and more. We don’t carry adverts, so this is how we keep the podcast going! If you are already a Patron, watch out for a new full length Q&A soon before we return with Series 5 in September!
You asked, we answered! This is the shorter audio version of the full length q&a video available on our Patreon.
We discuss country houses, regional accents, our favourite old TV shows, how it feels to hear your voice on tape and, of course, Lovejoy: The Movie!
Lovejoy is on Eastward Ho (or is it Pebble Mill?) playing down his spookiness with the beautiful Moira - who isn’t averse to showing a bit of leg.
We meet the inimitable Mr. Goat (WILL NOBODY ANSWER EM ABOUT THE TEETH?!) and of course, more toffs on their uppers as a vulnerable Lovejoy searches for a jardiniere that isn’t and begins to worry that he’s losing his touch with women… and worse, with antiques! Can Harold Richards get him back on track?
Join us as we discuss striking the balance between love and money, not to mention Charlie’s lovely coat, in the final episode of Series 4! See you again in September!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Andrew Payne and directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: Stonewash Levis
It’s another lockdown episode, this time with special guest Marvin Gore who was frankly delighted by the whole thing - not least that he got an episode featuring plenty of Gimbert!
Enjoy our Northern trot through a Lovejoy episode which saw him helping out a rather fragrant Gentleman of the Road, battling with Billy from Eastenders and consoling Jane after her run-in with Rick Ghastly. WARNING: CONTAINS (more) SWEARS (than usual.)
Antique of the Week: random statue nobody noticed but Em.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Alan Clews and directed by Baz Taylor.
Find out more about the exciting #Lovejoylockdown auction at the end of June here!
This week Lovejoy takes a trip to South South London to judge a horrible dresser and collect an entire crockery set ‘by montage.’
Join us and our very special guest Kym as we enjoy a cameo from Don Warrington, memories of Mr. Whippy and practically the whole cast of Coronation Street.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by John Woods.
Antique of the Week: Olwen’s earrings and a strawberry mivvy.
Please support Royal Trinity Hospice if you can! You can still playalong with the #LovejoyLockdown quiz on Polly’s Youtube channel here.
Special guest! Special guest! One of our fantastic Patrons, Kevin, provides maternity cover for Helen this episode, as we get to grips with recording remotely - excuse the sound quality and enjoy a beautiful folk song from Pol to make up for it.
We discuss McShane’s work on Shrek, Em’s (now cancelled) upcoming trip to Dublin and Sylvia Plath’s beekeeping career as we review a Lovejoy episode with some terrifying hair, some full on cavorting and Not Rula Lenska (playing the female Olivier no less!) Mind out for the black wigglies!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by TR Bowen and directed by John Crome
Antique of the Week: 2019 apparently. Pubs. Em going on holidays.
Please support Royal Trinity Hospice if you can! You can still playalong with the #LovejoyLockdown quiz on Polly’s Youtube channel here.
A bittersweet celebration as it’s Helen's last podcast for a while - and the last one we recorded before lockdown - but lots to enjoy, from the pronounciation of Van Geurgh, to the benefits of pleather as Lovejoy is reunited with Lovejoy 1.0. Tinker (and Polly) go off on one about cricket and Eric pontificates about meat (and George Harrison’s toast) whilst the gang attempt to pull off your “classic country house con” (whatever one of those is…) with a very tense switcheroo.
The only question that remains is - what’s your kinda m’bilia?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by John Crome
Antique of the Week:
Please support Royal Trinity Hospice if you can!
The always delightful Liz Smith and a super hot Jason Flemyng feature in this week’s episode as well as a very heroic Eric, the voice of Aslan, Gimbert in all his sleamy glory and some very dodgy blokes engaged in raiding (by ramming.)
Hunker down and listen in as we discuss the inherent terror of china dolls, whether or not Lovejoy is being an exploitative git and what exactly a flag hoist is.
Antique of the Week: Childhood toys or maybe Gimbert's house or perhaps Twiglets at a buffet.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Tony Marchant and directed by John Woods.
Please support Royal Trinity Hospice if you can!
We open this week after a very exciting trip to Taco Bell (the official restaurant of podcasts, according to Em at least) and a question around the plural of cannon. Or is it cannons? We're discussing an absolutely delightful episode, starring Leslie Philips (ding dong!) as a flaky arms dealer and Harry Landis as an argumentative yet apologetic old gent, as we see an Anxious Tinker and Lovejoy flirts with a magnificent lady mullet. Grab a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and settle down with us to learn all about the 17th century equivalent of those magic eye pictures from the 90s, the point of paperweights and just what the difference is between bricks and cats. The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor. Antique of the Week: Anamorphic pictures and a mummified rat.
Please support Royal Trinity Hospice if you can!
You can find the Folklore Podcast episode Em mentions, here.
Please consider donating to our friends at Royal Trinity Hospice at this difficult time! More fever dreams from Lovejoy this episode as we enjoy the word Judaica, boo a thoroughly horrid Gimbert and worry for the traumatised - yet heroic- Eric.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Tom Kempinski and directed by Rob Walker.
Antique of the Week: Jewish Silver (not to be confused with excellent alt.country band, The Silver Jews.)
Whose Flag Is It Anyway? this week with a randy Beau, a well meaning Auntie and a surprising vicar. Lovejoy and Jane help out Michael Horden (PADDINGTON!) and The Witch from Simon and the Witch as we enjoy a lovely episode with some fabulous dialogue, finding us thoroughly agreeing with Tinker: “You’re never too old to be young…”
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Rob Walker.
… but louder this time.
Yes, the hen do is back - displaying our terrible cinematic ignorance, reliving our Watership Down childhood traumas and possibly slandering some snooker players along the way.
We enjoy a wonderfully dramatic Lady Jane and a very sexy Lovejoy (complete with Man U mug!) in this episode, which also sees the return of everyone’s favourite insufferable vulgarian: Charlie Gimbert!
In the words of Mr Helen "Is it always like this?"
Antique of the Week: Em will take the Ugly Sister hatstand (because we can't have crisp packets AGAIN) and Pol will have… well I’d rather not say.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombes and Dave Robinson. It was directed by Ian McShane.
Lovejoy and Jane have made up, just in time for a beautiful violin concert from a man with Very Nineties Hair. Such a nineties episode we think Samantha Janus* has arrived at one point but we quickly rally to enjoy picking up photos from the chemsit, the etymology of avocado (and ocado...) and doing our Very Best Scouse.
Antique of the week: Duh a violin.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Chris Kelly and Iain Roy and directed by John Crome.
We're reminded of Tom Wilkinson in a baseball cap in another episode featuring cottage garden paintings, but this time it's Lovejoy who's gone AWOL (don't worry listener, he is FINE.) We discuss the merits of smoked salmon in hot tubs, Ye Olde (possibly made up) Wyrd British Traditions and some lush looking chips as a slightly seedy gang get together for some nefarious activity as it all takes a bit of a dark turn. Jane's was having none of it, and neither it seems were we! The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by John Crome.
A pint of bitter and a pint of gin please, we're back!
Yes, it's Pol the cough, Helen the croak and Em the noise (or is it The Thigh?) return for 2020 with SERIES FOUR (what the actual heck!)
Lovejoy doesn't have a pot to piss in this week... or does he have Napoleon's? We meet Senor Freddy El Telefono, a très French Napoleon expert and an attractive lady potter in a classic Terry Hoggkinson episode replete with one liners, foreign accents and a mystery - just what WAS in that wolf?!
There's also a brief return from Fred West's cardigan, some malevolent morris dancers and a glancing mention of Charlie Gimbert as Em gets spooked by The Witches, we learn when a commode is not a commode and the adhesive bonding properties of old cheese.
Antique of the Week: Pianolas (and payphones in pubs)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor.
You can read all about Professor Hood's experiment here: and listen to the episode of Witness History on Albert Pierrepoint here.
Happy Christmas everyone, here’s a little present for you all! We sat down with Chris Jury, the actor who played Em’s beloved Eric, to learn all about his involvement with the show - from mysterious cassette tapes in the post to fantastic memories of wonderful friends. Enjoy!
Lashings of peril in part two of this Christmas special as Hercule Lovejoy and Catchpole (no Mister) descend in Prague during that beautiful window post communism and pre stag dos… it all goes a bit Third Man/James Bond as they try and untangle the mystery of the missing diamonds before a Santa showdown with Father Tinkmas. Listen to find out what we thought of the whole thing!
THE WAR! DIAMONDS! Now it’s CHRISTMAS!
Happy December one and all, we’re back with a (slightly dark) Season 4 amuse bouche, as we discuss the 1992 Lovejoy Christmas Special - The Prague Sun. Commie bad guys, pre-lunch drinking and a (not so mysterious, it’s Peter Vaughan) old man all feature as Lovejoy is let down by a lady and Eric is let down by a tramp. This is a feature length episode, so tune in next week for Part Two!
We’re on a bit of a break now as we get ready for Series 4 - in the meantime enjoy this little chat with Mr Marvin Gore who composed and performed our fantastic closing theme. Includes the entire song!
This episode was originally available on Patreon - join us there for more behind the scenes action, including early access and extended versions of other bonus episodes.
It’s a FEATURE LENGTH episode to end Series Three with an added SPECIAL GUEST in the form of Mr. Marvin Gore, creator of the cracking Lovejoy Actually themetune!This week Lovejoy’s been dragged to Scotland by Jane, to help out (who else) an old school friend, but nothing is as it seems - who is the spooOOooky Merida-from-Brave apparition in the woods? What secrets does the misty pigsty hold? What precisely is brown furniture? We discuss all this and more, including Flamingo Land, Slutty Queen Victoria and our favourite whiskies (or not) whilst enjoying some fab guest stars including Larry Lamb and Minty from Moondial - very different to Minty from Eastenders.
Antique of the Week: Polaroid camera
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Andrew Payne and directed by Francis Megahy
Some excellent yet strangely soothing peril this week as we enjoy Lovejoy’s run in with the local golf club. He’s been drafted in to value their prize possession, whilst simultaneously securing an ‘antiquities sporting’ gift for the distinguished Mr. Kashimoto who may or may not be about to become a member.
Tinker gets to go to London and get pissed (and thus excellently hungover) and we delight in Peak Eric as Lovejoy fails to do any kind of risk assessment in the work place and sends him off with… a gun. What else? We get particularly excised by the old boys network as we meet some thoroughly nasty chaps on the club committee, and learn that ‘golfers do it with balls’ during an interesting discussion about mugs. It’s the podcast that keeps on giving, listener. Pol also displays some excellent knowledge of Japanese, whilst Em displays rather poorer knowledge of plumbing.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Geoff McQueen and directed by John Crome.
Antique of the Week: The Annual Cup for Being The Best At Golf - in the style of Fabergé, of egg fame.
"Lovejoy's the name, sleuthing's the game" NO IT ISN’T (but it sort of is) this week as Lovejoy juggles several important but competing priorities - where is Vicki? Who is faking priceless art? Where can he get a birthday present for Jane’s uncle?
We see the return of the annoying but very well dressed Susan, and meet Lady Jane’s new “husband” George. (George?!) There’s also a couple of truly awful antiques this week from a chintzy clock to a dog in a bow as we discover how to spell Spencelayh, enjoy some fab famous faces and learn that Eric really isn’t into Gothic Rock.
Antique of the Week: Gertler’s 'slightly coy looking man with orange'
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Francis Megahy and directed by Peter Barber-Fleming
It’s finally here! Polly’s favourite episode!
A lovely church, a vicar who is not Ian McKellen and a mysterious object this week as Lovejoy has a run in with the county archaelogist (which is apparently a job) and dodgy Derek Rudge (a notorious low flier.) Plus another dog using a priceless item for its own ends (please note we are NOT blaming the dog.)
We discuss Eric’s professional development, argue about what exactly constitutes a ‘malted milk’ whilst remembering what we wanted to do at school - and what school told us to do - Em's crush on David Duchovny (don't tell Eric) and a very, very spooky song. Helen’s knowledge of lyrics remains unsurpassed, along with her ability to still write a cheque.
Antique of the Week: Grandfather clocks (unhaunted.)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor (dream team.)
In the series that just keeps on giving it's another one of Polly's favourite episodes! (But not her favourite favourite, that's up next.)
Listen along as we enjoy the Peter Pan of Suffolk's latest escapades this week, awash with romantic mystery and a significant amount of rainfall as "the hottest guy in the world" gets super upset about a completely modern, brand new, not at all antique in any way, dog rug.
We discuss the time Pol just happened to drop in on some Berbers for tea, the joy of tourist guidebooks, which of us could have gone to Malory Towers and who was the best Miss Marple as we dissect a fantastic episode with a very British break up, Roy from Eastenders and Lovejoy's continued reticence to get the police involved in police matters, such as theft. Of a dog rug.
Polly's English degree
Antique of the Week - Jane's Anatolian Rug
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by Baz Taylor.
What a load of old Sollochs this week as we completely fail to understand the point of a (not particularly mysterious) sword that Lovejoy has become obsessed with, after the improbably older Vicki found it in her new flat. Which is kind of his flat, really. Agile Lovejoy - miraculously recovered from his broken leg - clambers over rooftops as Eric sports a really fetching t shirt and Tinker demonstrates his skill in drunken harmonica playing.
We reminisce on some 90s classics (Swampy and the Bypass; the Hamiltons; slogan tops - “Do Not Talking While I Singing”) as Em reveals how she ended up Streatham, her favourite bed time reading and gets very worked up over Chekhov’s Gun: If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there. Thanks Anton! If only they’d listened…
The original Lovejoy episode was written by T. R. Bowen and directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: Drunk football fans and a sword (but not for the violence it represents.)
A double scoop of jalopy please and a sprinkling of asides this week as an incapacitated Lovejoy has the oddest dream…
Join us as we delight in Bert Kwouk’s presence and marvel at the NHS in the 90s when it was clearly fine to have any amount of visitors at all sorts of hours and your doctor would drop everything to do keyhole surgery on a leaf, a plaster cast, a terracotta pig etc if it made you happy.
We meet a space invader (not the good kind that Polly likes), discover we don't know anything about Lawrence of Arabia and wonder if there’s anything the Chinese didn’t invent as we discuss this utterly bonkers episode which has two storylines for the price of one. Helen endorses it.
It's our (well, Em's) first ever 10 out of 10 so listen out for the special jingle and let us know - were Eric and Natasha “working on the bike” or just really good pals?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombes & Dave Robinson and directed by Ian McShane (of course!)
Antique of the Week: Netsuke
A lady of an aristocratic bent in need of aid and too embarrassed to ask for help? A scheming posh bloke who can't afford death duties? Champagne at 11.20 on a Thursday morning? Yes, it's a full house on Lovejoy Bingo this week with a Line Of Duty-esque storyline, much to Helen's delight, as Field Agent E Catchpole saves the day (much to Em’s!)
This week our resident toast rack expert has a fantastic idea for merch as we discuss sinister Morris dancers, the founding of trade unions in the UK, whether or not to put Polly in a meat van (we won't) and THE VERY VERY EXCITING COMMUNICATION we recently received.
Come back next time when we'll report our findings on the wider application of black pepper... (and honey!?) and in the meantime, tell us: what's your price? Ours is a copy of Grazia, an ice cream and some fizzy pop (which is prosecco.)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by John Crome.
Antique of the Week: A… toast rack?
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Pour yourself a chianti/crack open a surreptitious can for our latest Italian flavoured episode as we discover just who should own “the medals of the brother of Jane’s old housekeeper Vera.”
We spend this week with a morose and yet terribly poetic Lovejoy, as he’s cajoled into a funeral on a boat (his least favourite place) leaving Eric to explore the virtues of Catalytic Acrylic Polymer Resin and Jane to branch out into her new career as language teacher.
We enjoy some serious leggings, a claustrophobic submarine and Eric in a hat (SWOON) as well as some family history from Em and Pol, Helen’s crush on Tony Flags and a trip down memory lane as we get all nostalgic about pagers. Have fun, and remember if you’re feeling a bit low: Meerkats.
For those of you bellowing at the podcast like an angry ghost, Em has remembered she meant Sam Kelly. You too can enjoy four full pages of internet debate here: https://forums.forteana.org/index.php?threads/allo-allo-myth.26286/
Antique of the week: a tub of butterscotch yogurt.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor.
Find us online @lovejoyapod and chuck us a quid over on Patreon if you can.
Tangents galore this week as we enjoy(?) the inevitable breakdown of Lovejoy and Victoria’s burgeoning romance… SOB! Pass us a tissue, we’ve wine on our shirts.
In which we agree we ALL enjoy the music of t’Smiths and THE Lightning Seeds whilst watching this week’s special guests (The) Hothouse Flowers. We discuss being starstruck,
Listen out for our dubious Irish accents, Victoria’s leitmotif and Lovejoy lying to the fourth wall (i.e. US!) along with the return of the thigh, the loss of Polly’s g string and why it’s a good idea to keep on Em’s good side!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Peter Barber-Fleming.
Antique of the Week: An entire band’s worth up of Celtic stringed instruments.
Is painting dead? It’s certainly not feeling very well in this episode where we meet the UK’s leading East Anglian contemporary landscape painter, the demanding Mrs. Dalrymple and the confused Elsie Barratt - who definitely isn’t dead, despite Eric’s protestations.
Detective Polly is also on the case this week - and she smells a set up… what do you think, listener? Look out for Lurky Man, Eric the busimess man and an appearance from Felicity Montagu, as we watch a very distracted Lovejoy still somehow manage to save the day.
Lovejoy and his lascivious face is back and so are we, with the first episode of SERIES THREE (how?!)
And what an episode - it really has everything: a fantastic score, some Serious Peril, Eric in not just one but TWO hats, JOANNA FLIPPIN LUMLEY, the plight of the indigenous people of Peru, a new haircut, an excellent suit, Slough Grammar and Tinker in a monkery.
Plus a chance for Helen to exercise her language skills, for Polly to show off her capital city knowledge and Em to shoehorn in her latest crush on Arnold J. Rimmer before we descend into typical hen do buffoonery during a discussion on ceremonial monk checks. Duos habet et bene pendentes!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Jeremy Paul and directed by Sarah Hellings.
Antique of the Week: Ralph Richardson's knees.
Another bonus episode to tide you over til Series 3 begins. We took our #1 Patron Kym Brosnan to the pub and talked all things Lovejoy in possibly the most hen do episode ever - pop in your headphones and pour yourself a prosecco for an immersive experience! The uncut version is available at www.patreon.com/lovejoyactually if you like this kind of thing (and if you don’t… join us there anyway and help us buy a proper microphone!)
Join us for a rambling chat taking in every series of Lovejoy; the podcast’s origin story; Polly’s Magnus Magnusson impression and Kym’s match made in HMV.
Kym's favourite episode: Smoke Your Nose
Kym's favourite character: Jane (or maybe Miriam)
We're taking a break between series, so enjoy these scraps from the cutting room floor while you wait for Series Three - there's a longer version on Patreon, which is also the first place we'll be posting our meeting with Kym before a shorter verison airs here on May 1st.
We'll be back for the first episode of Series Three on May 15th - mark your calendars now!
This episode of the podcast was edited by Em Fleming. The Lovejoy Actually themetune was written and performed by Marvin Gore.
BRI-AN BLESS-ED joins the cast this week and we’re here for it listener, we are here for it. We’ve also got our first podcast coup with an amazing Behind The Scenes email from Terry H himself!
This extra long episode takes in both parts of the Series Two finale, and we’re delighted to see the return of an old chum from the very first series - Mr. Frobel (complete with bacon sandwich.) Lovejoy’s put his scarf back on as he searches out some Lalique for a lovely lady and gets caught up in yet another mad scam in international waters. Well, the Solent.
Settle in as we discuss Abraham's Saucepan, buying shoes (or not) in Elephant and Castle, an unexpected Donald Trump reference and that well known Russian triumvirate of borscht, vodka and… mouse wee?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Francis Megahy.
“Deck it out with antiques - they don’t have to be new ones!” None of us can make head nor tail of what’s happening this episode as we don’t know if Lovejoy knows what the others think that he knows even though they don’t know if he knows that they know he knows. You see what we mean? By the end of it we weren’t even sure if jewellery is a real thing any more. Helen can blame the Lemsip and Pol the codeine but Em has no excuse!
Still, we enjoy finding out when Pol lost her avocado virginity, all about the great Crisps Conspiracy and why Lovejoy is to blame for the lack of East Anglian theme parks. We’re drawing up a LovejoyLand proof of concept as we speak, and want you to tell us what squares you would have on a Lovejoy Bingo sheet - helpless widows? Embarrassed Poshos? Eric’s lying? Or something else?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by Bill Hays.
Antique of the Week: the original Walkers crisp packets.
As Tinker observes “the best of us can fall prey to alcoholic fantasy” but is this really what’s happened to Lovejoy in the case of the disappearing body? Join us for another farcical (and slightly sweary) romp through Lovejoyland as Pol delights in a diminutive ninja, Em has an unsettling Bed knobs & Broomsticks flashback and Helen stubbornly refuses to suspend her disbelief. We learn about Danegeld, nominative determinism and the Detroit Tigers baseball team whilst admiring another canine addition to the cast - the lovely Lassy!
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Bill Hays.
Antique of the Week: Terrifying Military Mask
It’s a real trip down Memory Lane (via Ambleside Avenue) this week for the intrepid hens, as they manfully untangle another Lovejoy mystery plot with only the aid of alcohol free beer. Well, it was January. And somehow it STILL manages to sound like a hen do as we discuss the fine line between Art and filth, our mad teenage obsessions and that time Pol made tea for James Bond.
This episode we meet Kate sorry: VICKY and Jane sorry: SUSAN and a whole host of rather dodgy characters as a set of erotic drawings are hawked around by a sixth former desperate to protect her sister.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombs and Dave Robinson. It was directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: Erm, well have a listen, I’m too embarrassed to type it.
More embarrassed aristocracy (well, film aristocracy - Jean Kent!) this week as Lovejoy leaps to Madeleine Gilbert’s rescue when she falls foul of chimpanzee death duties. Yes, really.
Lots of lovely peril for us to enjoy in this high scoring episode as Eric panic hires a boat, Tinker leaves a message in a bottle (which he had to drink, obviously) and Lovejoy’s shirt battles with his voice for which can be lower.
We also have behind the scences info on last week’s Groaning Board from Kevin Lawes aka @PCKevster on Twitter AND an amazing brand new song to play us out from long time friend of the podcast Mr. Marvin Gore.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Geoff Lowe and directed by William Brayne.
Antique of the Week: Tinker’s chivalry; John Joseph The Chimp; Britain’s relationship with the European Union and, okay, a nice candelabra.
Buckle in snowflakes! We’ve some original 90s attitudes to unpick this episode, as we swallow a few spoonfuls of misogyny and get vaguely uncomfortable at people putting on accents.
Lovejoy is inexplicably skint once again, despite flogging that Chaucer - perhaps because he’s finally paying Eric. Some shadowy men in suits offer him some mch needed cash to track down a mystery artist who is not as hard to find as everyone seems to think (it’s just Tom Wilkinson in a baseball cap.) Laugh along with us as Lovejoy alleges he ISN’T Sherlock Holmes despite spending the last 14 episodes sleuthing - and accepting the job.
This week Pol has a nasty shock at Lovejoy’s approach to Earl Grey, Helen rails against the plot and Em defends sad, horny artists everywhere.
Antique of the Week: Hormone Replacement Therapy; 90s fashion (again?)
Misogyny of the week: The Plot.
Happy New Year everyone, we’re back from the pub!
In this episode we enjoy some absolutely cracking writing, as Lady Jane and Lovejoy work together to open what appears to be Britain’s first gastropub with an old army pal of Tinker’s. Dictator dress-up, shellfish metaphors and a teacake controversy all feature this week, as Polly struggles through a hangover and Helen struggles through the plot.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by John Woods.
Antique of the Week: The Canterbury Tales and Jane’s rather beautiful jacquard mallard jumper.
Enjoy a Christmas bonus episode all about the Lovejoy novels by Jonathan Gash. Recorded in the field (aka the pub) listening to this one with headphones is highly recommended!
We discuss the novels and the TV series with Em's mate Andrew who (for some reason) has read almost all of Jonathan Gash's output.
We discuss Death in Venice, the Judas Pair and Gold from Gemini as we get progressively drunker and the room gets progressively noisier! This is an abridged version of a longer episode available to our $5 and above Patrons at https://www.patreon.com/lovejoyactually - come and join the fun for 2019!
Pulling cardigans at the ready, it’s another episode of Lovejoy Actually! This week Pol loses the plot, Em raises her concerns for the academic community (careful Prof!) and we discover yet another language Helen can speak all whilst enjoying a suit made of exciting thread, arguing about egg spoons and being delighted by a cameo from Mickey La Souris (who now seems to be living in Friar Park… we think.)
Furious squirrels, safe caravans and dea- sorry, DED Lizards all feature in this return to Lovejoy peril, and frankly, we’re delighted!Antique(s) of the Week: Tinker’s suit, Jane’s cardi and a possibly cursed Colombian funerary raft made of gold.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Alan Clews and directed by William Brayne.
Lovejoy finds himself doing yet another favour for Jane and Eric falls foul of a gang of bullying bin men in a mysterious dumpster-diving commotion this week.
We discuss giving pets human names, the past participle of bin dive (bin dove? bin... divven?) and Brixton's next culinary destination "Dirty Spaghetti" whilst being only slightly weirded out by an elderly dead woman's stockings and some tip-soiled copies of Razzle.
We meet Brian Nunn the Unexpected Feminist, played by the brilliant Warren Clarke, and enjoy other performances from not-actually-Janine-Duvitsky; a very talented dog called Ben, and Em’s other boyfriend - Neil Dudgeon.
Listen and find out all about Pol’s ongoing feud with Barnet council, Em’s fear of home “intrusions” and Helen’s childhood in the Serengeti (which isn't a desert after all, thanks Pol.)
Antique of the Week: the (pottery) King of Sardinia; a young Neil Dudgeon; the chair which may or may not be the same chair from Episode 2, Series 6
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor.
Vulnerable Lovejoy is on the case this week, doing a Mysterious Favour for Jane and taking a bronze to the head in the process. Ouch! We’re delighted to see Celia Imrie join the cast for this episode, as we unlearn all we’ve learned about what is and isn’t illegal when it comes to forgery, swap our very best dog impressions and get surprised by a lamp.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by T. R. Bowen and directed by John Woods.
Antique of the Week: Flickers’ stunning jumpsuits, the actual Guarini Venus and a bloodstained bronze.
Shout out to @kymrbrosnan on Twitter for being our awesome Patreon donor ❤️
Lovejoy’s back and so are we! Welcome to the first episode of Series Two, where we can’t tell a dresser from a dressing table, Em gets much too excited about the Wisley Green’s Women’s Institute and Eric is sorely disappointed by a chocolate seahorse (who wouldn’t be?)
In the first episode of the second series Lovejoy is released from prison and decides he'll play detective to find out just who framed him. Which seems to involve a rather large amount of breaking and entering - although the jury's still out on whether it's breaking and entering if you don't actually break anything. (Yes it is ~ Em.)
This is a feature length episode, brought to you by Badedas, bottoms and too much wine. The original Lovejoy episode was written by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais and directed by Don Leaver.
Antique of the Week: Em liked Lovejoy’s sidecar adventure, but Helen and Polly were quite taken by a beautiful guinea purse.
We couldn’t help but mark the occasion in son ~ Many Happy returns Mr. McShane, from the three of us, and our wine 🍷🎂🍷🎂🍷
A beautiful song which we're fairly certain isn't copyrighted.
Show us yer campanile, it’s the season - ahem - SERIES finale as Lovejoy takes Venice for some reason we still haven’t completely worked out, despite diligently reading the original novel. Twins! Guns! Soft jazz! Knockers! It’s all here. Enjoy Pol going full Lovejoy Rainman with trivia ranging from British film of the 1960s to, well British sitcoms of the 1990s as we dissect this double episode in our extended one. Featuring our usual stumble through the plot as we discuss Diverse Lovejoy, Gwen Humble, Eric Clapton, The Reliable Venetian Hand and why you should ALWAYS check who you’re messaging before you hit send.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Baz Taylor, based on Jonathan Gash’s novel The Gondola Scam. Check out www.abebooks.com if you’re after a copy.
Antique of the Week: Birmingham. No, sorry - Venice. Before it sinks.
We were deeply saddened to hear about the death of Dudley Sutton yesterday. A respected actor who played many roles over a career spanning over five decades, he will always be Tinker to us. From Lavenham to the Pilchard Inn he gave us so much pleasure. So, cheers, Major Dill, and thanks for brightening up our world. 🍻
Swearing, spoilers and cocaine this week as Lovejoy's spidey senses tingle enough to pick up a cheapy antique clock with some not-so-cheapy love letters stuffed inside. This episode sees him haring around the countryside "doing the eyes" at anyone who gets in his way, data protection rules be damned. "Borrowing" artefacts from a military museum, squeezing info out of solicitors and gaining entry to university research laboratories - nothing is too difficult if you can do those eyes. We discuss the dangers of the 1980s (just say no kids), the correct etiquette for having a wee in a pub and who (or what) Richard Parker is.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Murray Smith and directed by Ken Hannam.
Antique of the Week: The handwritten word.
Mere traces of peril this week as Lovejoy's rescue complex turns away from needy widows to the shopkeepers of Norfolk who have found themselves part of a not-massively-sophisticated fiddle game. He also gets an actual job (finally!) though nothing is as it seems, as per. This episode Pol shares the time she she thrust her ticket at Ian McShane; Helen reveals a surprising family connections and Em remembers her love for Mark Bellingham. We also enjoy Gimbert's turn on Antiques Treasure Trail, and are delighted by the sight of Lotus Lovejoy.
Antique of the Week: Lady Jane's brick phone (and accompanying briefcase!)
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Francis Megahy and directed by Roger Tucker.
Lovejoy favours a scarf in this episode as he gets to the bottom of a double fiddle to help out a widow in distress (again.) We finally get around to making some corrections this week and shouting out a fan so join us as we enjoy a playful Tinker, discuss clerical dress (phwoar) and meet gun toting Smiley O'Reilly.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by David Brown and directed by Ken Hannam.
Antique of the Week: ARPANET (without which...)
It's the darkest episode to date as Lovejoy comes up against a Real Baddie. Based on an even darker book, join the metropolitan liberal elite as they discuss Detective Lovejoy (much to Em's disgust) and perform a stunning rendition of the Antiques Roadshow theme. We also recast the series for the modern age, try to decide where Lovejoy studied and struggle to choose our Antique of the Week - Eric's ghettoblaster or Ian McShane's legs?
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais (based on The Judas Pair, by Jonathan Gash) and directed by Baz Taylor.
Antique of the Week: Apothecary Box (in the end!)
People called Romans they go in the house? It's an episode full of moderate peril as Lovejoy visits the Isle of Man (which is NOT in England, it turns out) fails to find Gef the Talking Mongoose but does see off Nigel Farage whilst he searches for buried treasure. Wot a ROMP! Join us as we practice our Latin, learn about fake (or otherwise) Roman hoards and decide our Misogyny Of The Week.
The orginal Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Ken Hannam. Our cava wrangler for the evening was Frank.
Find out more about Em's beloved Gef here: https://gefmongoose.co.uk
Is there a train station in Lavenham? We enjoy a romp around the UK with Lovejoy et al as we learn when yellow was invented, who created the Hard Rock Cafe and why you should never trust a charity shop bargain. The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Baz Taylor.
Lovejoy is in demand! He decamps away to a houseboat in London whilst trying to offload a snazzy bit of headwear. We dust off our schoolgirl French, discuss stereotyping on TV and stop Pol googling something she definitely, definitely shouldn't.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Roger Tucker.
We meet Lovejoy (never Mister) and his gang for the first time, including Lovely Eric and a rather green looking Tinker.
The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais [based on Firefly Gadroon, by Jonathan Gash] and directed by David Reynolds.