Nuzzle House: Recent Episodes
Glen Nuzzles
We offer you current book reviews and read the classics in the spirit of a man recording in his bathroom.
We learn:
- Action scenes back then were really weird
- I have no idea what holiday I’m celebrating tomorrow
- If your friend dies, just roll his body over to the corner of the room. it’s FINE.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
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We learn:
- It’s storming out and I’m recording with the windows open, I don’t care if it sounds bad
- Our hero doesn’t tolerate the homeless
- Silver is the master of the ‘dangerous crutch’ technique
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/76031db7-aa02-4872-9399-a3b4f3191be6
We learn:
- I had to drive my kid back from college- that’s why I’m late
- Our hero isn’t going to be much of a pirate if he keeps snitching
- it’s totally normal to sit inside apple barrels while you eat an apple
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/7e9f07fb-8e16-454e-a443-5fff2bf039a4
We learn:
- I have to go to a high school play, of all goddamn things
- Our hero gets his act together
- Rich people LOVE adventure
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/11cf1f3f-8273-4238-9275-f1ec6f13d680
We learn:
- Your dad can die but man, pirates are so exciting that it almost doesn’t matter!
- I got a cat with a ‘bad back’
- Who would have thought that a doctor can master pirates to well
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/43722b49-b290-4315-b7d2-21bfd1edbf37
We learn:
- World War 3 again?
- What a relief that the rabbit doesn’t get burned alive
- This book is about my stuffed Grover- and I’m still waiting for him to be real
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-velveteen-rabbit-margery-williams/48974?ean=9781398809314
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/95d9b55c-ba0c-4c53-abd5-e4ef4e079255
We learn:
- Sleep is for idiots
- I got a neighbor who is probably a Q-anon idiot
- I’m speed reading to try to get done before my idiot dog has to take a crap
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/p/books/asleep-in-armageddon-ray-d-bradbury/18347855?ean=9789355891983
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/ced76362-9afc-4ac8-9b85-74de37c55ea1
We learn:
- Heathcliff FINALLY DIES
- After a whole winter in Minnesota without snow - we have a huge storm coming. Ugh.
- Was there really a time where wealthy shut-ins just wasted away and eventually married a cousin?
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Read an article about it:https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/7/30/17629978/emily-bronte-200-birthday-wuthering-heights
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/cf06430f-e79a-4cfb-b049-38d0872c5ff1
We learn:
- Linton has actually managed to be more of a snot than usual
- My recording room is really echoey
- Lockwood is an incel
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:nuzzlehouse.com
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/5c27209d-f284-4efb-940f-861b3249e882
We learn:
- Linton actually, somehow, seems to get MORE annoying
- My wife is sick and my house is burning hot
- How awkward is it to abduct someone and planning on keeping them for weeks when they’re ready to give you what you want in the first 5 minutes
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/eb1743f2-401d-40f7-9f96-056d97059474
We learn:
- Cathy is just as much of an entitled turd as her mom
- There was an actual bird in my basement
- Linton is at Malfoy levels of getting on my nerves.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/nuzzle-house/b965d22b-678d-4d3b-bdb6-bc3855bd90f2
We learn:
- People just die, and not a lot of buildup happens for it.
- Getting through 4 chapters is draining
- Now the book is all about kids, like a Nickelodeon show
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- Heathcliff is a self absorbed jerk. The kind of guy who paces around his basement listening to Attack Attack
- I’m putting dirty water into my CPAP now
- Catherine gets REALLY manipulative on her death bed
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- Catherine gets delusional, and Nelly might have a crush
- My dishwasher is leaking
- Isabella is barely introduced and we already hear she’s going to die
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I got the WRONG CLOCK from Germany
- Guys, Heathcliff is BACK
- Does Heathcliff actually have a revenge plan? Or is he just talking a lot about it?
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I finally conquor saying “Thrushcross Grange”
- Catherine is an affluent nanny-slapping, baby-shaking jerk
- I picked ‘phallus #5’ in Baldurs Gate
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Want to read a book from the point of view of a man writing what he can remember someone else telling him in his journal?
- I have a European cold
- Their might have been a ghost?
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- You can make an airtight, spaceship-like capsule with just blankets
- Little boys still think about girls, even in the apocalypse
- I’m going to write a book called ‘The Power of Sitting’
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-pail-of-air-fritz-leiber/11967340?ean=9781515405641
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Can Christmas be racist? Of course it can.
- You want to spend your Christmas listening to the longest short story in the world?
- You want to open presents with your family while you listen to me desperately trying not to say racist words?
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beasley-s-christmas-party-booth-tarkington/20625204?ean=9781835524398
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Another story where children are treated like adorable pets.
- There’s an open market for babies in the woods?
- I wasted my new Christmas decorating on a horrible story
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/christmas-eve-at-swamp-s-end-norman-duncan/6974744?ean=9781979327909
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Grandma baby-porn from the turn of the last century was horrible
- I’m GOING to GERMANY to drink beer from a glass boot and embarrass myself
- I’ve never read a commercial before until this story.
- I’m decorating for Christmas
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/69532
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We learn:
- oh my god- after over two months, I finally finished the goddamn book.
- I think that Granny B is the biggest ‘7th virgin’ in this story.
- I’m GOING to GERMANY. We’re done here.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
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We learn:
- Kim is back! And it’s not looking good for Karensa
- This book is TOO LONG and I’m TRYING to get to Germany
- There are some dead bodies in the mine
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- I can’t read a holiday story without worrying about pedophiles
- I’m learning horrible German phrases so I can get people in Germany to leave me alone
- the “Do it Yourself Home school” Website loves to push stories written by people who were home schooled
Go on, read it for yourself: https://diyhomeschooler.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/b030f-8f374-e4369-7e7db-captain_christys_thanksgiving.pdf
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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Gestating the Curious Mind: Reads 'The Legend of Wolf-mommy'
We wrote the book about a man with a werewolf for a penis. Enjoy.
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We learn:
- Karensa’s idiot kid accidently murders the drunk
- For some reason there are flies in my basement, which is normally a sign that my house has a demon in it.
- Karensa’s son dissapears- but then, it’s fine. So it’s a non-event.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Listen anywhere:https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Or gimme some money: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
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We come up with the idea that a man's phallus is actually the werewolf
We learn:
- We bust out the Franzia for our comeback
- Turns out? 'whole body werewolves' are losers
- We're still podcastings 'first married couple'
Listen Anywhere:
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We learn:
- Karensa gets married to Johnny for almost no reason- but to piss his family off?
- She has a baby boy, and is all smug that she can now rule the abbas with an iron fist
- Tension is finally created when she realizes that if anything happens to Judeth, Justin and Mellyora could get married and have a kid - which will make Karensa useless.
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- The whole “it was all a dream” concept has been around forever
- I didn’t come up with ANY spooky sound effects
- How can you drill holes in a boat while you’re swimming for your life?
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-empty-house-and-other-ghost-stories-algernon-blackwood/355875?ean=9781790219377
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Apparently the Abbas is so amazing you’ll marry anyone to get into it.
- If you want to get into the abbas, you will consider marrying a rapist
- I have a flight at 4 in the morning and I’m still putting this episode out. Someday SOMEONE will appreciate the work I do.
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- I have to keep making the longest episodes in the world to get through this book before Christmas
- The mice in my basement are eating the peanut butter without getting caught in the traps
- Poor people feed off the misery of the rich
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- If someone’s sibling dies and you have the same name- you’re IN
- We’re 100 pages in and the story is kinda getting started
- The Twins won against stupid Texas!
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Rich people used to lay down traps for the poor
- The mice in my house have begun negotiations
- Make the rich kids work for YOU
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Rich kids are the worst
- It’s fall, and the mice are back
- I don’t trust this “Granny Bee”
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1
Visit: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- This is like reading an episode of Friends
- I learned the phrase “throwing soft-boiled eggs at an electric fan”
- For some reason there is a bunch of egg references in this book
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/carry-on-jeeves-warbler-classics-annotated-edition-g-k-chesterton/19970747?ean=9781959891406
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We learn:
- I don’t know how this book works anymore
- Were the weasels tall, or weasel sized?
- My basement has gnats now.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- Popularity in this world is based on how many bird-friends you have
- The author wouldn’t stop writing about the sea
- This toad is seriously 6 feet tall- he rode a HORSE, and drove a HUMAN CAR
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- Animals have their own gods
- Toad is still an idiot
- Apparently toad is at least 5 feet tall and can wear a human woman's clothes?
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- This Author REALLY hated sex
- Humans exist in this world, and they don’t seem to know or care about toads in small cars passing them on the road
- You can take a friend hostage, and apparently that’s legal.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- This author is just another monster writing children’s literature
- Leave it to grunge.com to tell me just how horrible this author is
- Badger is in the mob
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- This author was a jerk to his kid- because he based Toad on him.
- Mole is some unicorn that every other animal is after.
- If you can’t afford a little vest, you become a slave in this world.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606
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We learn:
- No one is concerned that Hero has married a spaz that will probably flip out again.
- Anti-Stratfordians are morons
- In the end- I guess this is a story about family?
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118
.
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We learn:
- The dad asks the audience for a knife so he can kill himself
- Apparently, when someone passes out, it’s normal to ask “oh, are you passing out?”
- I have an above ground pool now.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118
.
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We read the final chapter and wrap this thing up.
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We learn:
- Pump Corner is finally done
- We had the worst trip imaginable
- Glen farted in an airport
.
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We learn:
- Everyone is an idiot
- They don’t take the part where you can ruin a woman’s life seriously enough to question the bastard
- Being a cop has always been awesome
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com
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We learn:
Claudio is a spaz, Don John basically wants people dead and people are tricked into liking each other. Great.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118
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The demon is finally unleashed - and ditches all their friends to hang out in hell
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We learn:
- Pump Corner is still happening
- It took two tries to record this episode, because of too much meat.
- We talk about old people for a weirdly long time
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We learn:
If a child-servant wants to get married to a woman he’s barely spoken to, men fall all over themselves to make that happen.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118
.
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We learn:
You can be a sensi-poo piss-baby and still be respected by alpha males?
.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/69688
.
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
Nick might be gay? But still doesn't stop him from being a huge jerk. There’s a huge review of this book at the end.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
You got a dead Gatsby, and a fussed Nick who pretends he didn’t like him anyway.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
Have you ever got stuck at a couple’s house while they argue? Did you like it? Then you will LOVE this.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
Daisy is a turd, Tom is a turd, Gatsby is a turd so I guess we like Nick?
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
This author makes up words that are probably anti-semitic.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
That this book is anti-semetic. Surprise, surprise.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:The chapter actually ends with the protagonist saying he’s the most moral person ever.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:
verisimilitudino.us
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
- Gertie had to pee
- We try to make reservations at TGI Fridays
- We've created 'Pump Corner'
Listen Anywhere: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
When it came to physical abuse in the 20s, the only concern anyone had when a man hit a woman is that they have to call it a night.
This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:verisimilitudino.us
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
.
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
The story of cupids attempt to find love for a ghost.
Learn more at: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
Its basically the first season of Vanderpump Rules.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565
Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse
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We learn:
Once you know an author is racist, it’s all you think about while you read their crap.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-weird-tales-of-conan-the-barbarian-robert-e-howard/11824944?ean=9780486794884
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I can’t believe that I’m going to say a sword and sorcery book is boring. But I am. Because it is.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-weird-tales-of-conan-the-barbarian-robert-e-howard/11824944?ean=9780486794884
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We learn: Its just more whimsey. What did you expect? It was written for kids.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315
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The only thing to be learned in these chapters is: Whimsy
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315
.
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We learn:
- Never trust a flesh God
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315
.
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If you see your friends severed arm in the woods, don’t make it into a door knocker. At some point you have to take responsibility for your decisions.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315
.
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No romance section in the master bedroom for you this time- this is a kids book. Instead, I take you to the 'snuggle closet'.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315
.
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Where I can finally read about a REALISTIC sexy party.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/the-assistant
Visit https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/ for show info.
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I'm done. This will teach me to never stray from the source material: 1983's 'Mickey's Christmas Carol'
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886
.
Visit https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/ for show info.
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Where we wish we could write as beautifully as James Joyce. . .
.
We learn:
- James Joyce REALLY liked farts
- We let Matteo finally get laid
- Matteo has an intestinal fetish
.
.
Learn more about the show here:
https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/gestating-the-curious-mind/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I still hate rich kids
- The ghost of Christmas Future was just a prank by the other ghosts
- This book could have ended by now, but we gotta learn more about Tiny Tim. Ugh.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886
.
Visit https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/ for show info.
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We learn:
- Charles Dickens had a rough childhood
- Dickens must have written with a thesaurus next to him to increase that word count
- My kid shows up to the sex room again
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886
.
Visit https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/ for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- Varicose veins in someone’s legs can look like they’re ‘winking’ at you
- I’ve just started burping while I read words. It’s a new low.
- My wife says Dicken’s books are so long because he’s being paid by the word.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886
.
Visit https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/ for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
I figured I should read this at some point in my life. It's pretty much what you think it would be.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
The story of how pot pies can be a polarizing fruit.
We learn that Derik can do tangents about cloth.
Thanks for helping us make the episode:https://twitter.com/wabpod https://twitter.com/ratchetbookclub https://twitter.com/words_ideas_pod https://twitter.com/eltonreadsalot
Listen Here: https://pinecast.com/feed/nuzzle-houses-mystery-theater
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We learn:
- That apparently people who are into Anime LOVE legs
- I was upbeat about finishing the story, until I had to keep reading it
- I vow to never read a sci-fi book from the 60s ever again.
Go on, read it for yourself:https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Learn more about the show here:https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Where Lucretia finally gets to prove herself.
We learn:
- Being a Sporty Spice isn't possible if your dad doesn't let you play sports
- We got a big Christmas present for the world coming up
Learn More About the Show Here: https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/gestating-the-curious-mind/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- My 'fun fact' really killed the vibe of the episode
- This story is sapping the life out of me, I can't even get horny anymore
- I'm desperate to read Winnie the Poo now. Ugh.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Learn more about the show here:
https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I Go off on a long rant about Twitter
- Desperate to finish this turd, I read 3 chapters
- Longest episode ever.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Learn more about the show here: https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I really can't stand this book
- I got to tell a Charles DICKens joke thanks to grunge.com
- This book just keeps creating new sci-fi words and names.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Learn more about the show here: https://www.nuzzlehouse.com/leaves-of-glen/
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- I REALLY hate reading this book
- I never get used to ridiculous 1960s sci-fi names
- Both daughter and wife INTERRUPT ME
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
This Halloween I've decided to copy 'CBS Radio Mystery Theater'- a show I grew up listening to in the 70s and 80s. Even down to the crappy audio and commercials.
We learn:
Just because you say you're a nurse, you're probably not.
If you try hard enough, you can get actual Germans to be guests on your show.
And my sister does a bizarre Minnesota accent.
To hear a real episode go here and APPRECIATE how HARD I worked on this:
https://www.cbsrmt.com/episode/935-if-i-can-t-have-you.html
For more information, go to https://nuzzlehouse.com
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
We learn:
- We have a new segment called ‘what did we watch and why did it suck’.
- We decide that just because you fund a heist, doesn’t mean you get to be a part of it
- Gertie has sick-voice
.
.
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.com
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We learn:
- I almost forgot to talk about seeing a satanic Do-wop band last week.
- E. Nesbit kinda sucked
- I don’t like Jerry Seinfeld
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/public-domain-texts/e-nesbit-john-charringtons-wedding.html
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
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We learn:
- Apparently all the ‘fun facts’ can be found in the Wikipedia page
- My daughter is a better host than me
- My kid will bust in while I’m in my master bedroom to show off her crochet hat
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/public-domain-texts/ambrose-bierce-the-spook-house.html
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Where Demonia’s Ashes-70 peep toe iridescent platforms with buckles are pivotal to the story .
.
.
We learn:
- Gertie is officially a “Nuzzles” now.
- Gertrude decided to make this book about her
- Glen didn’t like emo kids in the 00’s
.
.
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
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Episode Notes We learn:
- I’m married! Just like the people in this story.
- My 26 year old cat is dying. So that puts a damper on things.
- This story doesn’t really have a ‘specter bride’ like it promised.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/online-text-spectre-bride-william-harrison-ainsworth/
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Thanks to the Canadian Spirit Podcast (@spirit_canadian on twitter) we learned what “Gentlehomo—” means "Gentle Homo sapiens"
- I have a cat that kills mice, but I won’t touch him. He’s gross
- This is the second book in my ‘career’ that I’ve considered dropping before I finish it. Thank GOD FOR OCTOBER SCARY STORIES MONTH
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Gertrude LOVES ‘Spice World’
- Gertrude’s cat sneezes boogers all over Glen’s computer
- They have BIG plans that involve horrible music
.
.
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
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Episode Notes We learn:
- Apparently “Gentlehomo—” is a term that was made up for this book
- I start playing old commercials from the ‘80s because I’ve run out of ideas
- Apparently “Gentlehomo—” wasn’t supposed to be hilarious
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We roll for a new story and drank too much . . We learn:
- Gertrude had a tough time in the bathroom
- Glen learns the allure behind the Spice Girls
. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
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Episode Notes We learn:
- Kids always get in the way
- Sci-Fi novels always have the worst names
- Gertie decides to turn my smoking room into a sewing room
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
The author is a horrible pedophile who ruined the lives of the kids he abducted. So I’m giving up on this book.
- My girlfriend gave me permission to officially drop this book
- The fairies had a orgy… that’s in the book. A book for kids.
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
That you can just steal food out of a birds mouth and everyone is friends in the end.
- Everything is racist all the time
- The lost boys apparently need 7 doors for their house. Because they’re morons
- I’m thinking about inception-ing my commercials with a 3rd layer of ads
- The author is a pedo
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn: That you can just steal food out of a birds mouth and everyone is friends in the end.
- I had to work fast- the bachelorette is on
- Tinkerbell actually wants to kill Wendy
- Everyone flying is a dick
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- I went back to the mansion
- Nothing STILL makes any sense
- If a fairy pees in your hand… you can use it.
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Learn more about how to fight against the Supreme Court's decision by visiting https://www.podvoices.help/get-help
- I went back to the cabin for the 4th holiday
- Nothing STILL makes any sense
- The author added pixie dust to keep kids from killing themselves
. .
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895
. .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where we think of a name and read the finished story .
.
We learn:
- Gertrude got drunk while getting sushi
- It took a while, but we finally thought of a name
- Glen has to actually read this turd
.
.
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Nothing makes sense in this chapter
- This author might actually NOT be a dick
- Disney was a dick, and his company didn’t get better until 2008
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where John finally gets a pool built, and proposes to the ghost. . .
We learn:
- Gertrude is able to ruin even the most beautiful of songs
- Sex with a bat can be a kink
- Glen gets easily distracted by cats
. .
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Lama’s CAN be racist
- Snipers can be anywhere at any time
- Sometimes you just gotta go where the waters take you
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/funnystories/comments/sv8zbd/the_preposterously_unlikely_plight_of_lucious_the/ . . You can find out more about spookybookiwrite: https://www.reddit.com/user/spookybookiwrite/ https://twitter.com/scarybookiwrite https://www.wattpad.com/user/tylermire . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes I know you're not reading these
. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
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Episode Notes The final chapter was only TWO PAGES . .
We learn:
- Two pages can STILL count as a chapter
- Most authors are racist, apparently
- I’m running out of bits for dorglass.com
. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where John gets to tell the guys ALL about a hot chick who works at the hot dog stand . .
We learn:
- Gertrude admits going to colonial Williamsburg for spring break
- You don't have to actually listen to someone to fall in love with them
- Glen has 'get-away-sticks'
. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Who says you can't have your story arc at the second to last chapter of a book.
. .
We learn:
- East coast people can't handle a tornado
- My Dad was wrong about J.D. Salinger
- They didn't make the secret sensor open the painting in the most obvious spot
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where we try to decide what makes a ghost sexy... it's hot dogs. . . We learn:
- Gertrude looks at dirty comics
- People in 1708 can be hot dog vendors
- Glen reads nextdoor.com posts to scare Gertie
. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes A whole chapter dedicated to a woman trying to prove that she's not just 'having a bad dream' when being almost murdered.
. .
We learn:
- I'm sick of the mansion 'bit' so I go for a cabin theme
- There are flies on the 'forest track' I got for free
- My oldest brought home a vest made of white animal tails
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where we think up what makes John Stith Pemberton so sexy
. .
We learn:
- It's a mammal if it has a mouth and a butthole
- That a chest can be too wet
- Guinea pigs can be sexually dangerous
. .
Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes It's the '70s. If a woman has something to say they're 'hysterical' and probably get slapped.
. .
We learn:
- That Bram Stoker was a Q-anon weirdo
- That having 5 cats is too many
- Snooping is worse than torturing people
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where we decide to write a story about sex with water ghosts, and the birth of Cocca Cola. . .
We learn: .
- That the concept of Capitalism can be an antagonist
- My butt isn't as hairy as it was when I was in high school
- Someone's personal fault can just be "bats".
. . Visit to learn more: https://gestating-the-curious-mind.pinecast.co
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where we learn that a man can 'be known' for 'appreciating women' and you can commission a portrait of someone without their consent.
. .
We learn:
- I've got gas
- I once watched a movie about sex where everyone wore puppet heads
- A woman can use her sexuality to sell horses.
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where my daughter interrupts AGAIN- and nearly nothing happens in the story.
. .
We learn:
- Italy was FINE.
- My daughter learns the horrible secret about 'New York Times best selling authors"
- The French are the worst.
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes They FINALLY take a tour of the torture chamber and a woman may, or may not, have consented to the hosts kink.
Plus both my kids interrupt again. . .
We learn:
- That my kids don't know how to run an oven.
- Some book reviews can be so short- they can't even qualify as a "New York Times Best Selling Author"
- Never sleep over at someones house when they have a kink they want to force on you.
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We witness the 'help' having secret sex nights. Plus my daughter makes another appearance in the MIDDLE of my SHOW to talk about what she's reading.
. .
We learn:
- My daughter is a turd
- People actually get dressed up just to see a torture chamber
- I'm going to Italy and I'm never coming back
. .
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes I read the first two chapters of a gothic horror which is all about a woman getting hit on by some guy she met at horse camp.
We learn:
- You can make up anything about an author if there's no information on them
- Moving furniture really sucks
- I'm NOT talking about my cats.
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537
. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- I'm going to Italy and still don't have much to say about it.
- It's impossible to get 'fun facts' about authors lately.
- something
. . Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/syty7g/the_dinner_guest/
. .
Learn more about the author and their work here:
Website: https://verastahl.com/
Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/Verastahl/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Brandon-Faircloth/e/B07GNWSC77?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1647741853&sr=8-2
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC73PScmymsggAJ26f_ZPmvQ/featured
. .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541\
.
Watch some of Drac's movies!
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video
.
Read the Salon article:
https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/
.
And keep up with what he's up to:
https://dracvonstoller.wixsite.com/drac
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- I have nothing intelligent to add when it comes to Russia’s war with Ukraine
- If the author decides to sue me for reading this public story, I’m going to send a strongly worded email.
- The parakeet has got to go.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/tying-the-knot
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- The author won’t give out his name
- I haven’t seen this guys face in 20 years
- He threw big words at me like a JERK
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://verisimilitudino.us/piggly_wiggly.php
.
Learn more:
Website: https://verisimilitudino.us
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Tom Holland is America’s favorite British actor
- Mysterious, living authors are making my show intro awkward
- If I could go back in the past and tell my younger self that I put more vents in my basement, it would just piss me off
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/soro9l/anything_i_want_i_can_pull_from_a_hole_in_the/
And read more of their work here:
https://www.reddit.com/user/AliasForWhom/
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- The only things going on in my life lately are NONE of your BUSINESS
- Besides that, my life is really, really boring lately
- I have to resort to stories about my dog because I literally have nothing else to say
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.reddit.com/r/scarystories/comments/slukmk/misunderstanding/
.
Check out ‘Haven Creek: and Other Horror Tales’ by Evelyn Michaels on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B09NPNK2KR/ref=docs-os-doi_0
.
Learn more about the author:
Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/user/eloquentursula/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/eloquent_ursula
Deviant Art: https://www.deviantart.com/writtenursula
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eloquentursula/
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- I got the booster shot, and I’m waiting for those sweet, sweet fever naps.
- Starving a dog isn't enough, you need to put fire in it's mouth
- I FINISHED the BOOK!
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We learn:
- Someone decided that Holmes has a 190 IQ
- Stapleton’s sister is actually his wife
- Circumstantial evidence is ‘good enough’
.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes This week, we have the hosts of the Uncited English Lit Podcast join us to review one of John Green’s more problematic works. We learn:
- Ben tried to train a cat to ring a bell? I lost interest
- Glen got Covid
- Our guests came up with the phrase “girl hump”
- Apparently Shindlers List is something you can watch to unwind after a long day
.
Follow Uncited on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/UncitedPod
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/uncitedpod/
Everywhere else: https://linktr.ee/UncitedPodcast
.
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/an-abundance-of-katherines/9780142410707
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes When a felon dies in the woods, apparently everyone is happy about it. .
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes More literary crutches like ‘diary entries’ and a pervert on a roof watching kids through a telescope
.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Ben and I review a couple horny Christmas stories and one weird one about anti-pirates.
.
We learn:
- Glen didn't get COVID
- Gretchen does deer blasts
- Glen gets upset that Gretchen has FAR too many knock-knock jokes
- Ben hates spiderman
.
Go read them for yourself: 'Snowman With Benefits' by Marshall Thornton: https://www.amazon.com/Snowman-Benefits-Marshall-Thornton-ebook/dp/B00PEVL1J4/ref=sr_1_1
'Outlaw Pizza' by Steve Bartholomew: https://www.amazon.com/Outlaw-Pizza-Christmas-Steve-Bartholomew-ebook/dp/B006GWZQM8/ref=sr_1_1
'Jingle Bell Growl' by Misha Carver: https://www.amazon.com/Jingle-Bell-Growl-Billionaire-Christmas-ebook/dp/B019I0FHBY/ref=sr_1_1
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes If you have a secret, and someone asks you what it is- Just lie! Don't say, "I don't want to tell you." Just reference some porn you watched recently and that will throw people off your tracks... Moron.
. Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
. Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Nothing happens. Watson writes a letter to Holmes basically making a 'clip show' of the last chapter.
.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We had @LadiesFrightPod on again as guests and we were less horrified this time. But it still requires a trigger warning. The book was so bad, that we donated to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn).
Enjoy? . We learn:
- Ben brags about having covid
- Ladies fright STILL only listen to the show for Gretchen
- Gretchen tells the guests about Jersey birds
- Glen gets the pleasure of reading the worst story
. Go read it yourself (please don't): https://bookshop.org/books/fussy-littles-an-abdl-mm-romance-anthology/9798508564889 . Donate to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn): https://donate.rainn.org/donate . Go listen and follow Ladies Fright, or donate to their Patreon here: https://linktr.ee/ladiesfright . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The Story of one chipmunks terrible witness to the kinks of apple pickers. We learn: .
- Ben still likes his new job
- Gretchen hits us with some clever woodpecker jokes
- Glen got a dryer
- People do yoga in sale
. Go read it yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Scrumping-erotic-short-consequences-thievery-ebook/dp/B0867Z9GSX .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Stapleton is a monster who LOVES watching horses drown in the bog while he chases after moths. What a dick. Also, my daughter interrupts the show to talk about her own goddamn book.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes A story about what happens when you let kids play with knives and openly talk about killing adults. Happy Halloween people. .
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/zero-hour-and-other-stories/9781606997048 .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We had The Ladies Fright Podcast on as guests and we were supposed to have FUN. Instead we accidentally read a problematic collection of short stories that requires a trigger warning. The book was so bad, that we're all donating to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn). And this is only part 1. .
We learn:
- Ben may or may not have a television that gives him vitamin D
- Ladies fright only listen to the show for Gretchen
- Gretchen schools us on bats
- Glen gets the pleasure of reading the worst story
.
Go read it yourself (please don't): https://bookshop.org/books/fussy-littles-an-abdl-mm-romance-anthology/9798508564889 .
Donate to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn): https://donate.rainn.org/donate .
Go listen and follow Ladies Fright, or donate to their Patreon here: https://linktr.ee/ladiesfright .
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We are introduced to a world where kids have horrible nicknames like "Frog", and just "Fat" - and adults have questionable motivations for a grotesque Halloween party they decide to throw them.
.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/hallowe-en-at-merryvale-illustrated-edition-dodo-press/9781409949473
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Starting my spooky October stories with the master of horror- Drac Von Stoller.
One story about an army of vampires to take over the world that actually turns out pretty good for them. And another story about just dying in general?
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541
Watch some of Drac's movies!
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video
The Salon article:
https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/
.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes One would think that it isn't possible to jam-pack a book with racism, homophobia, sexism and general bigotry and STILL be meandering and nonsensical. But this author didn't win a 'palm award' for nothing.
We learn:
- Ben's got COVID
- Gretchen gets lazy and Glen finally guesses the punchline to one of her jokes
- Glen's got no car, and no teeth
- Glen REFUSES to homestead his place.
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-naked-face-warner-books/9780446341912
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Ben's got Covid. So we didn't record the Book Boys, and I had to poop out this emergency episode. Lets review what happens:
Chapter 5? Nothing. Holmes is an unlikable turd and he sucks at his job. Chapter 6? Ooooh, you get a classic, creepy mansion story. You'll like that one. But Holmes still sucks.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Just looking worse, we find out that Sherlock Holmes is a fan of Phrenology. And he's constantly trying to be better than everyone else. The first four chapters are CRAP so far.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Where Sherlock Holmes is a jerk to everyone he talks to. Books like this make me fussed.
We also learn that my new dog won't stop secreting away turds in my house.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The story of a gruff, hard-nosed, racist gumshoe trying to solve the mysterious murders that surround a homophobic therapist. Everything is terrible.
We learn:
- Ben's got a new job!
- Gretchen likes the color purple more than red and blue combined
- Glen's got nothing important
- The bar/restaurant have waiters with the BEST names
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-naked-face-warner-books/9780446341912
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The story of a group of weirdos that are just looking to get killed. I mean, seriously, they all have sing-alongs with someone playing a guitar. Come on...
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541 . Watch some of Drac's movies!: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video . The Salon article: https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/ . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We thought it would be 'fun' if we got drunk while we reviewed the last Twilight book we'll ever read- but in the end it's just two hours of witnessing the decline of two grown men. We learn:
- Glen got a dog
- Ben was once trapped in a Lyft with a bee
- Gretchen gave us tongue-twisters to test how drunk we were
- The spirit of an angry drunk woman haunted our episode
=
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046
=
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
=
Special thanks to Uncited podcast for making our awesome cover art!
And thanks to Ladies Fright podcast for giving us ideas for the 'fun facts' section for our final Twilight episode ever.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes An octopus finds new purpose in life by forcing a human to be it's baby.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ
And visit the Authors site to learn more:
https://sarinadorie.com/
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The story of a spider who wants love, but in the end has to settle for 'good enough'.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ
And visit the Authors site to learn more: https://sarinadorie.com/
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes 10 more chapters where, honestly, nothing happens. Isn't there anyone in Stephanie Meyer's life to tell her when to stop re-writing this thing?
Promos: Uncited Podcast From Words to Ideas
We learn:
- Glen has a real bedroom
- Ben spent his weekend killing dragonflies like a psychopath
- Gretchen has found the most adorable bird
- We learn the origin of Glen's nickname
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The story of a space hornet that just wanted to mate, and sorta gets what he wants.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ
And visit the Authors site to learn more: https://sarinadorie.com/
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes We decided to make 'Midnight Sun' the last Twilight book we read, and it is just as deflating as all the others. I don't know why we expected a copy/paste rewrite of the first book from Edwards perspective to be any better.
We learn:
- Glen's neighbors hang out in his yard while his trees get taken down
- Ben doesn't have much to say about the last two weeks
- Gretchen DOESN'T have a knock-knock joke
- Glen's dryer finally works
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes The story of a simple man carrying on the tradition of taking on the role of becoming the new Guy Fieri. And there's a giant Burrito that rotates in the sky spewing flavor on the inhabitants of 'flavor town'.
We learn:
- The turds at Ladies Fright Podcast do an impression of me. It's both flattering... and enraging.
- I have to work tomorrow.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/LPOTL/comments/ce788y/guy_fieri_creepypasta/
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes Would you think that preventing a woman from knowing that she has a fatal illness is a sign of a loving relationship? Apparently everyone in 1970 thought so. And everyone agreed that Harvard is the most important place on earth.
Also? referring to women as 'cheese' was acceptable too.
We learn:
- Ben met the ACTUAL George Washington over the weekend
- Gretchen comes up with a joke that is perfect for ol' Glen
- Glen sat inside with the kids during the fireworks
- Drunk women who won't let their mothers speak can surprise you by offering you job opportunities when you least expect it
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/love-story-50th-anniversary-edition/9780062979476
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house
Episode Notes A hypocritical Nora decides that they need to kill themselves. And after being called a chicken, Joe is all in. Then they don't when it's inconvenient. The story has almost nothing to do with cocaine.
We learn:
- It's finally raining, which is great for my lawn, but blows for a guy without a working dryer.
- New cats pee EVERYWHERE
- Ladies Fright podcast is releasing their episode where Jackie does an impression of me. DON'T listen to it!
Go on, read it for yourself: http://one-act-plays.com/dramas/cocaine.html
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
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Episode Notes Misunderstood and whiny, a man decides he'd rather kill himself than find a new line of work or get his kids to like him for who he is.
- My cat likes me
- It's fathers day, and I made my kids watch Ponyo with me
- My dryer is still broken
- My oldest wants their own segment on my show where they make fun of me
Promos: Drunk Theory Let Me Tell You Somethin' Bitch
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/august-strindberg-plays-collection/9781545080108
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Episode Notes We read what is basically grandma porn for the idea of being trapped on an island with other peoples babies. It's disturbing and shines a light on the fantasies of a very lonely author. We learn:
- Ben doesn't get the joke when Glen plays the Ratchet Book Club promo
- Glen can't have the "Summer of '89" with his friend while they're both unemployed
- Trench-mouth is considered a 'bums disease' by dentists in the '90s
- Gretchen barely pulls her act together because of her drug addiction
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/baby-island/9780689717512
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Episode Notes This week I check in with an author I've read before by reading about greedy teens who search for a haunted ouija board, and a greedy family who battle aliens to keep an anal probe. We learn:
- Drac has fallen off the map, and I'm worried about him
- I've coined the phrase "Glenergy" to describe what makes my show so successful
- My kid likes the 'Let Me Tell You Somethin' Bitch' podcast
- I should have had you dress like George Clooney for the romance portion
- The 'Ladies Fright' podcast still keeps pissing me off
- I'm going to become financially destitute because of the trees in my yard
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541
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Episode Notes What starts out as a boring date for Jada at a minor league baseball game, turns into the most graphic MLM Jada has ever peeped on. Just in time for Pride month!
This turned out to be REALLY descriptive. So, consider this your warning for adult content.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/bringing-the-heat
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Episode Notes Our man is tricked into thinking he had a successful escape, then he fights his nemesis, and decides that rain is key to his conquering the desert. Oh, and there's no romance. The warrior-maid is hardly a factor in this story.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/warrior-maid-of-mars/9798731661713
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Episode Notes We wrap up the last half of a really depressing, highly inspiring and emotionally draining book. We learn:
- Glen might go back to the company that laid him off
- Ben knows which foot he favors
- Gretchen teaches us that some birds sleep while they fly
- Glen seems to enjoy making young people feel uncomfortable
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/speak-9780739336724/9780312674397
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Episode Notes I decide to declare war against the Ladies Fright Podcast, because I TALK NORMAL. Then the 'short story' I'm reading is the longest thing on earth. I play the Ladies Fright Podcast promo and go to bed.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/warrior-maid-of-mars/9798731661713 Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
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Episode Notes Ben and I read the first half of 'Speak' and we are dreading the second half. We learn:
- Glen's broken dryer is almost a non-issue at this point.
- Ben's wears glasses just to be able to see Glen better.
- Gretchen gives us fun feather facts that blow our mind.
- Glen chose NOT to flirt with women at a bar because it's been a long day and he just. wanted. to. eat. his. burger.
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/speak-9780739336724/9780312674397
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Episode Notes Well, I'm back on this book again. We learn that David gets a new job. He gets a sweet pad in London. And Mr. Dick was right, there's more to the the creeper hanging around Miss Betsey.
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Episode Notes A heart-warming story about how working hard can make all your dreams come true.
About the Author Sarina Dorie has sold over 170 short stories to markets like Analog, Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card’s IGMS, Cosmos, and Abyss and Apex. Her stories and published novels have won humor contests and Romance Writer of America awards. She has over fifty novels published, including her bestselling series, Womby’s School for Wayward Witches. A few of her favorite things include: gluten-free brownies (not necessarily glutton-free), Star Trek, steampunk aesthetics, fairies, Severus Snape, Captain Jack Sparrow and Mr. Darcy.
By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: http://www.sarinadorie.com
The best way to stay in contact with Sarina Dorie, hear about what she is writing, know when she has a new release, or books offered for free on Amazon is by signing up for her newsletter. Learn more about Sarina Dorie at these sites:
- Website
- Amazon Author Page
Support this author by downloading 'Fairies, Robots and Unicorns?--Oh My!: Humorous Fantasy and Science Fiction' for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Fairies-Robots-Unicorns-Oh-My-Collection-ebook/dp/B01F06DFDW
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Episode Notes What do you do when wanda over at the 'From Words to Ideas" podcast gives you a story that is impossibly sad, and the turds at the 'Ladies Fright' Podcast make fun of the way you talk?
You hold back the tears. You never show them your feelings.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books?affiliate=12554&keywords=the+little+prince
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Episode Notes What do you do when your plane crashes and you're trying to get home and some kid starts talking about a fussy flower on his planet? You listen, damnit. You LISTEN.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books?affiliate=12554&keywords=the+little+prince
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Episode Notes Who would have thought that the first Y.A. book would involve fights and hair grease? We didn't, but we know all about it now. We learn:
- Glen gets hit on by a nurse, but is too stupid to realize it.
- Ben's boss quit her job! But she's still working there part-time... Ugh.
- Gretchen's bird this week salivates. It salivates and ungulates in the sky. It's gross.
- Ben really doesn't like the new direction Glen tries to take the show.
- 'Smooth My Balls' was a bust, but someone gave us a donation!
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780142407332
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Episode Notes What would you give up to finally be popular? Would you give up your pony? You’ll learn what sacrifice means in this episode.
Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.tor.com/2010/11/17/ponies/
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Episode Notes David STILL can't get over his man-crush, and Dickens clearly doesn't like small people. All this and a neighbor with a vague sexual issue make for a really long chapter.
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Episode Notes The story of a man who dies and realizes he's god.. and you. And me? I don't like him being me.
Go on, read it for yourself: http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
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Like Taylor Swift, Kafka seemed to love writing about his failing relationships. Especially if he thought he was being cheated on.
The romance corner book this week is 'Heart on a Leash' by Alanna Martin/
Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9788090217140
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I decided to take a break from 'David Copperfield' this week because I miss feeling inadequate and un-cool around teens. Lucky for me, Shirley Jackson got me covered.
The romance corner book this week is 'The Kiss Quotient' by Helen Hoang:https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/566902/the-kiss-quotient-by-helen-hoang/
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-lottery-and-other-stories-9780374529536/9780374529536
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We review a the second half of a teen book where the protagonist has caught on to all the '90s references, and dominates it.We learn:* Glen debates lying about his vaccine reaction. * Ben boss quit her job! Now the race is on for Ben to quit before her. * Gretchen teaches us about a 'mud chicken'? And a knock-knock joke about butter that kills. * Glen has to throw a job interview for a second time.
This week's new Young Adult fiction is 'What's Not to Love' by Austin Siegemund-Broka and Emily Wibberleyhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/623664/kisses-and-croissants-by-anne-sophie-jouhanneau/
Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9781683691976
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We review a the first half of a teen book where the protagonist starts to catch on that all the '90s references are a little too heavy-handed.We learn:* Glen's life is falling apart. * Ben still hates his job, and his smoldering hate only intensifies when he has to attend going away happy hours for people who found a way out. * Gretchen doesn't get ben to do a loon call, but Glen convinces him. * If you listen to the end, you can hear how Ben is a weird 'paper shredder guy' and how Glen can't take a normal drivers license photo.
This week's new Young Adult fiction is 'Kisses and Croissants' by ANNE-SOPHIE JOUHANNEAUhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/623664/kisses-and-croissants-by-anne-sophie-jouhanneau/Book Info:MP3 Info:Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9781683691976
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In this chapter, we learn:* David is thinks he's nailed acting older than he really is... until he meets Steerforth's butler, Littimer. * Steerforth take off to the boat-house and interrupt the news that Ham and Emily are engaged. * Steerforth charms everyone - but hints at being a jerk by saying that Emily is good-lookin and she shouldn't marry a 'knuckle head' like Ham. * We should never forget that there is a painting of Mrs. Dartle in a guest bedroom out there in the world
This week's romance novel is 'The Duke Undone' by Joanna Lowell:https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/634625/the-duke-undone-by-joanna-lowell/
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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David can't stop being in love with Steerforth. Nothing will stop this obsession. He goes to Steerforth's house and learns that he's a brat that threw a hammer at a woman's face, and his mom put him in a low-class school, just so he could be the king there and feel important. Even calling David "Daisy" as a crappy nick-name wont change his mind.
This week's romance novel is 'The Business of Lovers' by Eric Jerome Dickey:https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/606715/the-business-of-lovers-by-eric-jerome-dickey/
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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We review a romance novel that had promise just off the title alone. But, sadly, the sex wasn't as 'hot' as 'Double Dirty Mountain Men'.We learn:* Glen has nothing to say except that he's still unemployed... by choice. * Ben still hates his job, though he's getting pastries delivered to his desk now. * Gretchen goes back to what works- birds.
This week's new Young Adult fiction is 'Horse Girl' by Carrie Seimhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/612443/horse-girl-by-carrie-seim/
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David finishes school and is trying to find a career so he's going back to where the actions- Yarmouth. He makes his rounds to say goodbye to everyone and heads to London and runs into friggin' Steerfourth. Damnit.
This week's romance novel is 'Lost, Found, and Forever' by Victoria Schade:https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/611513/lost-found-and-forever-by-victoria-schade/
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We suddenly get the narration point of view of David when he's really, really old for some reason. He thinks back fondly of all the women he was hot for. One, a woman in her 30s who eventually marries an old man for his money. He tells all this to Agnes... a romance-option that has been right under his nose all along...
The romance corner book this week is 'The Intimacy Experiment' by Rosie Dananhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/623480/the-intimacy-experiment-by-rosie-danan/
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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Mr, Dick starts hanging around David's school (which someone should have been concerned about) but he's so lovable that even Dr. Strong hangs out with him.
Uriah Heep invited David over to his mom's house, and the drill him for information- there's a LOT of unflattering things written about his hands, how he 'writhes' and his glistening nostrils.
Mr. Micawber shows up and sucks the life out of David by complaining about how his debt is ruining his life (he should go back to that sweet, sweet debitors jail- it's way better than going out on his own).
The Micawber's have to sneak out of town to avoid paying their hotel bill and David is relieved to see them go.
The romance corner book this week is 'The Dating Plan' by Sara Desaihttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/622473/the-dating-plan-by-sara-desai/
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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We decide to read a choose-your-own-adventure book in real time. Is it a good idea? Does it make for enjoyable listening? The answer is is up to you.We learn:* Glen has nothing to say except that he's dieting with the VERY expensive Noom app. * Ben also has nothing to say * Gretchen changes it up by making her segment about raccoons. * Ben decides we need to start acting like we have real commercials for some reason
This week's new Young Adult fiction is 'Red Tigress' by Amélie Wen Zhao
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/592530/red-tigress-by-amelie-wen-zhao/
Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9781933390024
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David goes to his new school and meets the headmaster, Dr. Strong and Annie (a much younger woman) that Dr. Strong is married to (eeew).David and the Wickfields agree that he'll to live with them for the remainder of his school year.David STILL hates Uriah Heep, who tells David he just wants to be a lawyer.
The romance corner book this week is 'All Consuming' by Jaci Burton
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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Right when David is making BFF's with Mr. Dick, he's forced to live with ANOTHER family while he goes to school in Canterbury. This family has a kid with red hair which apparently is unacceptable for David. Also: I'm still trying to find information about the 'batman suit' Charles Dickens had in his 'secret room'.
The romance corner book this week is 'Wrapt in Crystal' by Sharon Shinn
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We're 14 chapters into this book and FINALLY someone is NICE to David. Mrs. Betsy goes off on the Murdstones and it's about damn time.
The romance corner book this week is 'Quiet in Her Bones' by Nalini Singh
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We wrap up a book about trying to get a baby safely through a flood. There's giants and fairy's for no reason.We learn:* Glen has nothing to say except that he's suffering from seasonal depression... and unemployment depression * Ben also has nothing to say * Gretchen cheers Glen up by making Ben do owl sounds * Ben seems to finally agree that there isn't any 'anal' in this book
Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780553510744Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
David heads to Dover! Of course he has to sell most of his clothes and sleep on haystacks, but that's just normal for travel. He finally finds his Aunt, and we end the chapter not knowing if he will stay there permanently because she's obsessed with donkeys for some reason.The romance corner book this week is 'One Snowy Night' by Patience Griffin
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
- David says goodbye to the Micawber family, now free of debt, who've decided to head to the heartland.
- He decides to run away from the bottle factory and see if he can stay with his weird aunt (who's still pissed he's not a girl).
- He tries to get some 'long legged' kid who's pro child-labor to deliver his trunk to the post office but gets robbed instead.
The romance corner book this week is 'Only by Your Touch' by Catherine Anderson
Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
David is forced into child-labor at Mr. Murdstones liquor factory. He's set up to live in a house with a sweet family who have no money and have to sell everything they have because they're in debt. THEN they all get to live together for free in 'debtors jail'. Why bother owning a house you can't afford if you can just go live for free in this 'debtors jail'?
The romance corner book this week is 'Kingdom of Shadow and Light' by Karen Marie Moning
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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After the funeral the Murdstone's fire Peggoty then let David go to Yarmouth to get creepy on Emily. Mr Barkis also gets creepy on Peggoty by floating around uninvited and not really speaking. But it works and he marries her. David goes back to the Murdstones and they send him off to work at a counting house in London.
The romance corner book this week is 'The Velocity of Revolution' by Marshall Ryan Maresca
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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We dive back into the exciting world of angels, dust, and multiple dimensions this week. Except that this time it's just about a kid with a boat who works at a bar.
We learn:
- Glen hurt his coccyx
- Ben's bonsai tree isn't doing very well
- Gretchen has a lot of 'sheeps in love' jokes this week
- Ben can't complain about his job anymore... legally
- Glen can't find any 'anal' in this book
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780553510744
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David finds out on his birthday that his mom is sick. Like, real, real sick. So sick she's dead. Also? The baby died too.
The romance corner book this week is 'Say No More' by Karen Rose
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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David is home for the holidays and finds out his mom has a new baby. After hearing that the carriage guy has the hots for Peggotty, she suddenly starts arguing with Clara for no reason. Then it's back to everyone talking about the baby. When Mr. Murdstone hears that the baby has David's eyes, he suddenly starts arguing with Clara for no reason. David is pretty relieved to go back to school after a month of this crap.
The romance corner book this week is 'Smoke Bitten' by Patricia Briggs
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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School is on! and Mr. Creakle is beating kids like crazy. Traddles keeps getting blamed for kid-crimes that he didn't commit, but he won't rat anyone out. But even with that unsung hero David is STILL obsessed with Steerfourth- a man-child who apparently HATES poor people. In the end they eat crab in their bedroom.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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David finally meets the kids at his school. After some under-age drinking and gossip about the teachers, he watches his roommate sleep.
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Peggoty has become a Copperfield Stan while David travels to his new school. Even though none of the kids are there yet- the school staff make him wear an embarrassing sign around his neck so he can dip his toe in the waters of what life is going to be like.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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You'd think that reading a book to escape the harsh realities of American politics would be a good thing- but nope. Not when it's a book written by Stephenie Meyer.
We learn:
- Glen scruffs the good times at work by reminding people that he's being laid off in a few weeks
- Ben got a bonzai tree
- Gretchen teaches us that turkey vultures sound like my dad
- Ben can't get a date
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316228527
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David's return home sucks. His new dad is creepy and is all about "firmness". He has his sister live with them, so now there's two people slumming off his mom's money. After a really sad beating scene, and a creepy scene where he kisses Peggotty through a keyhole, David is sent off to school in London.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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David gets to go see Peggotty's family who live in a boat. The uncle had a drinking problem, but that doesn't stop David from hitting on his daughter. After a lot of empty promises to 'write', David goes back home to find that her mom married that creepy guy. Just to show who's really in charge, they've even changed his room around.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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Mom's new boyfriend decides to spend time with David... by bringing him to work. And it sucks. Mom gets worked into a lather with every compliment and David gets out of town to hang out with a kid named Ham.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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David's mom has to entertain his creepy aunt, his nanny has been hiding her boy in the house, and he was supposed to be a girl. We're off to a strong start in the first chapter.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654
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This episode, we talk about how depressing our holidays have been while watching movies. And Ben reads from more holiday-themed Twilight fan fiction.
We learn:
- Glen did almost nothing with his kids over Christmas
- Ben spent his doing video calls
- Gretchen provides some christmas jokes
- Glen broke up with a religious friend
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Like any Christmas miracle, I wrap up something I slowly learn to hate just in time for the holidays.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138
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We review an amazing love story between a stegasaurus and a man who can transform into a helicopter.
We learn:
- Glen's new nickname is 'Glen coldwalker'
- Ben's is just now realizing that things are depressing because of Covid
- Gretchen provides some christmas cheer
- Glen and Ben realize that New Years is going to be really depressing this year
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9781517103156
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This book will never end. I thought that it would be a 'fun' and 'quick read'. But nope. Frank Baum has written an epic about Santa Claus that I'm sure entire schools are dedicated to studying the greater meaning of.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138
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We review the story of a young sleuth who uses a mystery as a way to get a free trip to another country.
We learn:
- Glen's stupidity costs him 3K
- Ben's boss had a moment of clarity on life- but went back to normal.
- Gretchen changes it up this week with a birthday-themed squirrel segment
- Glen thinks that one of the characters in this story is a boy... when that character is actually a girl.
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780448095448
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Claus starts a war between immortals and doesn't even notice because he's too busy thinking about... other people's kids. Then he uses the reindeer's kink against them to break into people's homes and watch them sleep.
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138
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Like a trust-fund kid, Claus sets out on his own but his mom takes care of everything for him- even down to making his dinner every night. That leaves a lot of time for him to sit around thinking of... the kids...
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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138
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Where this author makes up a fake origin story for a real man that died in 1942 during a bombing over France. It's highly offensive, especially since it prominently involves 'grabbing' a 'girdle' for some reason.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138
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This week we look at one of the early Baby Sitters Club books, and are surprised at how much better it was than Twilight.
We learn:
Ben had the weirdest walk around the lake ever.
Glen gossiped with his hair dresser.
This weeks bird blurb is just all over the place and without structure.
Ben has a closer relationship with his dad than Glen, because of the show 'Coach'.
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-truth-about-stacey-the-baby-sitters-club-3-volume-3-9781338642223/9781338642223
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
There is a cat giving away his satanic nature by walking around on it's hind legs, killing with pleasure and threatening everyone around him and NO ONE seems to care.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Ben decided that we should make a 'banter heavy' holiday episode. The conversation is awkward and uncomfortable, but Ben reads a sample of some Thanksgiving Twilight fiction. So that makes it all worth it.
We learn:
- Ben’s boss had all her family over for the holiday, even though she just got over Covid.
- Glen made a turkey for the first time in his life, and it was so disgusting that he's decided to be a vegitarian.
- There's no bird blurb segment from Gretchen, but we played her music anyway.
- Ben's not going to get any break-up closure.
- Ben does an amazing reading from 'The Thanksgiving Feast Twilight Fanfic' by EdwardHisTopazEyes
Go read it yourself: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7573298/2/The-Thanksgiving-Feast-Twilight-Fanfic
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A group of people agree to live together in a house, though none are really 'crazy' or in need of professional help. So I have no idea why it is called an asylum, but there's food at the end... A tale as old as time.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-children-s-book-of-thanksgiving-stories-9781497322141/9781497322141
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We broke up book-3-of-the-4th-book-of-the-twilight-saga into three parts just to make everything more confusing. The vampires finally meet the volturi and almost nothing happens. This is a book. A book that a lot of people have read.
We learn:
- Ben’s SINGLE!
- Glen has to convince a friend, who might have COVID that he should be more careful
- Gretchen has a thanksgiving segment!
- Ben's breakup is the best thing that's ever happened to the podcast.
- We find out that Sean Penn ISN'T dating Mercedes, Val Kilmer's daughter.
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Falling in love is easy when you only care about looks, lucky for this lady she had a god-mother who doesn't see any problems with that.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The first story, about a weird man who just wants a kid. The second, another story about a dumb person who has unlimited power and doesn't know how to use it.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A creepy kid stumbles on two items that bring him unlimited wishes. Of course he keeps forgetting that and spends the rest of the story wasting his own time- And also forcing a woman to love him.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Another episode where I read fairy tales like a crabby uncle. This one, about a boy who wants to feel fear so he lights fires and kills his way toward understanding… Because he’s a psychopath. That’s his real problem. It’s the story of a boy with a serious untreated condition. Angela Lansbury plays a big role in this story for me.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
One story ends pretty abruptly, but that’s how it goes when the protagonist is murdered. The other involves marrying your grandma. I don’t even care what the rest of the story was about beyond that.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We broke up book-3-of-the-4th-book-of-the-twilight-saga into two parts just to make everything more confusing. Bella’s conversion is complete and we get to learn all about how cool being a vampire is. Then, a baffling discussion about how the Volturi are on their way. And the baby is really creepy.
We learn:
- Ben’s Manager STILL has Covid, and he’s STILL glad
- Glen spent Saturday night in a bar where a friend breathed all over him
- Gretchen’s segment has Glen thinking she should have her own podcast
- Ben had an actual date with an actual person.
- Glen and Ben talk at length about the benefits of bookshop.org and nuzzlehouse.com
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
What do you do if you’re poor as hell, but have a beautiful daughter? Sell her off to a white bear for money.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
You know what takes a fairy tale from average to ‘top-shelf’? A yellow dwarf sitting in a tree eating oranges. Everyone dies in the end.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
‘The Bronze Ring’ is the story of hubris. ‘Prince Hyacinth…’ is about how you should hope you’re never born ugly.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
When a student’s idea of a ‘fun vacation’ is to just to be alone in an empty house so he can study- it’s about a fun as you’d expect.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The story of two men who’s love is cut short by a spectral warning.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Terror comes in all guises. Even in the form of a clerical error.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
If you give your wife a disturbing pet-name like, “my pussy” you know the story isn’t going to turn out good.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We read “book 2” in the 4th book (ugh) of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga that focuses on the story from the point of view of Jacob. And Edward tries out being a cuckold.
We learn:
- Ben’s Manager has Covid, and he’s glad
- Glen can’t stop thinking of hepatitis
- Gretchen’s segment is Halloween themed
- Ben had a video date, that actually went well!
- Glen is prepared to teach Ben ‘the secret’ when he’s finally done with all this dating crap
Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
You’d think that when you survive the murder attempt you dreamed about earlier you’d be done, but nope.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Another good story that takes forever to get to the point… How would I have known that ‘October barrage’ would be the hardest thing ever.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The mystery of a murder that is kinda solved by entering the exciting world of paperwork. A witch is involved, though, only barely.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Finally, an actual scary ghost story. No weird crap tacked on at the end. Just two people walking into a haunted house, seeing some scary stuff, then leaving. Perfect.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This author really hates overweight men. That is pretty clear. And he thinks bible-reading-wives are boring as hell. Put it all together and you have the making of a good paranormal murder story.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A story of revenge by some kind of... Ghost? Or something? I read the whole thing and couldn't make any sense of it. Maybe you can
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A story of a woman who's being harassed by a man even though she's already got a boyfriend, so the man kills the boyfriend. Then the boyfriend-ghost kills the guy. Pretty standard stuff.
Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684
He didn't die. I don't know how else to make that clear. I'm sick of people trying to be all cute with, "Are you sure? Maybe the Headless Horsemen claimed another victim..." and smile all smugly to themselves. Irving made it perfectly clear that he was alive and well in another city. End of story. I'm not dealing with this anymore.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We read the 4th and 'final' book in the Twilight saga. And it's off to an amazing start- where the first 3rd of the book is all about Bella's wedding and honeymoon. That's pretty much it.
We learn:
- Ben’s employer hosted a fundraising event for Donald Trump... For a president who knowingly put all his supporters at risk.
- Glen got laid off
- Gretchen gets new music for her segment
- Glen got laid off
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A lanky, skinny-man decides to move in on the only woman in town who is delicious as food, and he loves how all the animals on her dad's farm is just living food. This episode is about a hungry teacher who just wants to eat what he lusts after.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Well, I wrapped this turd up. Basically it was a hypnotist. That's it. But at least I got to hang out with a friend in the middle of the episode and have a burger. That was nice.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The full title of this is 'The Haunted and the Haunters: Or The House and the Brain' if that doesn't give you a hint at how convoluted this story is going to be. It's so long that I had to break it up into two episodes. Ugh. My spooky October stories is off to a horrible start.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
If this story doesn't teach you not to bury your sister when she exists between the dimensions of living and dead, then nothing will.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
I... I think he dies at the end? I have no idea what happened at the end besides a long speech about how "life is a dream" or something.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We decide to test out our new audio situation by live-watching 'Twilight' the movie. It's a hoot if you're watching it with us, but if you're just listening- all you're going to hear is us breathing a lot and it won't make sense. Especially when Ben explains all of Edwards weird expressions being the result of an eternal struggle with puberty.
We learn:
- Ben is inching closer to a romantic relationship with is physical therapist
- Gretchen explains how a tufted tit-mouse will eat your hair
- Glen tries not to crack up during a funeral
- Gretchen gets Ben to make bird noises
Go watch it with us:
https://www.hulu.com/movie/twilight-0984bd81-c037-49b1-a42a-1cbe93a1a4e9
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A group of thieves show up to a council meeting. And that's about it. It pretty much has no point. It's ok to skip this episode.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Never trust a ghost, especially if you’re the one who killed them. Even more especially if they couldn’t understand basic fashion while they were alive.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Two grown men read a book for really, really young children. We learn that this series has nothing to do with homeless children who ride the rails solving mysteries. They are, in fact, privileged kids living in a small town where everyone respects them.
We learn:
- Ben’s employer won’t let him work from home even when he has a bum leg
- Gretchen explains how birds can have secret families… Like a salesman
- Glen gets ripped off by a racist tree guy
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780807506455
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
When a story is depressing as hell in the first page and a half- you wouldn’t think it would get any worse. But it does.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The best way to pick up women is when they’re dying and you’re the only doctor for miles.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The story of an unattractive woman who is lonely, but it doesn’t matter since she suddenly winds up in prison for no reason and dies.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Be sure to check out "Besties with Katie & Emily" podcast:
https://twitter.com/bwkepod
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/besties-with-katie-emily/id1430595555
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we finish Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. And we give up- it’s just too annoying. The worst part, after all that work of trying to get through this turd, there isn’t even really an ending.
We learn:
- The word "grins" shows up 124 times in this book
- Gretchen actually got Ben to make a bird sound with his mouth
- There is actually a fur glove used during a sex scene
- Ben’s whole leg is getting disgusting
- There 124 "frowns” in the book
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Another week, another depressing Russian short story. This one about a man who spends the night homeless, and gets hot kisses from a homeless lady.
Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
More depressing Russian stories- This one about a man who was wrongfully imprisoned for murder. Does he get out? Nope. He dies. I’m just telling you that now.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. Again. And we’re both pretty sick of this book. We agree we’re not reading any more of them after this, and Ben’s impression of Ana is AMAZING.
We learn:
- It’s Ben’s birthday! And he blows my surprise by telling everyone before I can.
- Glen's birdhouse kills birds
- Gretchen has a backyard ‘Ben’s Birthday’ blast for us
- Ben’s knee looks disgusting
- Glen knows someone who believes in Q-anon crap.
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
I know what kind of books to read for every season, but not in this weird period when summer ends and school starts. So you get a really depressing story by a Russian author. Have fun with that.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/lazarus-9780343434168/9780343434168
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The story wraps up where both Tom and Huck are rich- and no one brings up the fact that it’s stolen money and the police should be called to return it. And good ‘ol Huck just wants to sleep in a barrel again.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, and it gets hot- and by “hot” I mean slow, boring, and a near carbon copy of Stephenie Meyer’s painful style of writing.
We learn:
- Gretchen has a backyard butterfly blast for us
- Ben realizes that being single sucks when you need a ride to knee surgery
- Glen has built a reading nook in his house
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The kids escape the cave! Weirdly they run into Joe down there and Tom is pretty casual about it.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The kids keep an eye on the “spaniard” and “Injun Joe” for a few days then Becky Thatcher comes back! So Tom pretty much forgets about the murderer and the gold to go hit on her. A big party is planned and Huck and Becky wind up missing- which kind of takes the shine off the fact that Huck saved a woman’s life.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, and boy it’s ‘warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel…or something’. That’s actually a quote from the book.
We learn:
- Gretchen has been sitting on a mountain of material while we were out
- Ben is ‘free now’, whatever that means
- Glen is trying to get crows to eat his bacon
- Also- this is what Glen thinks Christian Grey’s hands look like:
- https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BM61H0TCAAAuK24.jpg
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
While in the old, haunted house- the fella’s find Joe and “the dirty spaniard” are hiding out there. They also have a ton of money they want to bury. While burying it, they stumble upon even MORE treasure that someone had buried before that! It’s a great day for Tom and Huck until Joe realized that someone is watching them…
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
For no reason Tom suddenly decided to start looking for buried treasure. No one is available except for his ‘slummy’ friend, Huck. Who, again, says the n-word needlessly. Lots of fun.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The boys feel guilty about ‘ol Muff. They visit him at his prison window again and he… he touches their faces. Ugh. Tom feels so guilty that he finally confesses- when he has his time in court, Joe throws himself out the window and escapes. Tom is famous again, but fears for his life.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
There’s a whole thing about a school performance involving poetry, then a list of events the town has through the summer. Doesn’t really tie in with my racism story, but oh well.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn:
- People are finally wearing masks at Ben’s work!
- Inspired by Gretchen, Glen has purchased a bird bath.
- Gretchen has a bird blurb- but Glen ruins it by yelling at his cat
- Ben reads a passage of the book and it’s wonderful
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/hardy-boys-04-the-missing-chums/9780448089041
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Tom gets called out for lying (again). But thanks to his penchant for kissing on the lips, he is still ok. And he gets Thatcher to love him again. Things are really coming up “tom” this episode.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The guys decide to go home with their secret plan. It works like a charm and soon all three are the talk of the town after they show up at their own funeral. Becky’s into Tom again, and they play the game of ‘cat and also cat’ with each other. In the end no one is happy.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
The fellas start to get homesick. Tom took off to spy on his aunt and found out that their parents think they’re all dead, which is a dream come true for any little boy. After a thunderstorm and a questionable nude scene, they relax with a pipe before they begin their next adventure.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Lucky for tom, when he decides to live an ‘outlaw life’ he’s got lowly friends to be there with him. They try to tough it out, until Tom sneaks off to be back in civilized life where his aunt makes him real food… Just like the life I’m living with my new washer/dryer- except that I can’t go back to life before my eco-friendly washer/dryer.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn:
- Ben has nearly nothing going on over the last two weeks.
- Glen only has boring stories about his deck
- Gretchen holds the show together AGAIN with a Owl joke and another Bird Blurb
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/eclipse/9780316027656
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Guilt is a powerful force- the same guilt that guides a boy into a world of pain also guides a middle-aged man to wear the same underwear for 4 days.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Racial Stereotypes abound in chapter 9 as ‘Injun Joe’ kills a man. And as Tom and Huck are on the run, they still manages to drop the n-word. And Tom’s fiancé breaks it off.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
When the stress of being engaged is too much, Tom turns to pagan rituals and fantasy.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
If a small boy asks a small girl to get engaged, does anyone in pre-civil war Mississippi notice? Find out in today’s episode.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn:
- Ben's only news is that he doesn't like his job.
- Glen didn't do much besides watch illegal fireworks
- Gretchen holds the show together AGAIN with a 'toad tidbit'.
- Ben still keeps trying to work the 3-way joke
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/eclipse/9780316027656
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We Learn about Huck Finn, who is considered the town low-life. Though I don’t see why. Anyone who walks around with a dead cat seems fine to me. We also learn how to successfully hit on a woman.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Not a lot happens. Just a bored kid in church getting pinched by pinch bugs. Though, since nothing carries over from chapter to chapter- I’m beginning to believe that Mark Twain invented the situational comedy format.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn:
- Ben gets really upset that his bird news isn't as exciting as Gretchen's.
- Glen social-distanced in Rochester
- Gretchen holds the show together AGAIN with a duck blurb and a weather joke
- Glen spent hours editing this to keep it around an hour. But no one ever thanks him...
Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/eclipse/9780316027656
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
I visited a friend in another city, and I can’t make it tie into an episode where Tom Sawyer lied his way into a brand new bible.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Covid still exists, weirdly enough. And this chapter teaches you that you can use it to fake your own death. Though, you might get a bed pan's "water" thrown on you.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn:
Ben has no news. None at all.
Glen successfully avoids a woman's love.
Gretchen holds the show together with another 'bird blurb' and the recipe for a summertime drink.
Glen thinks that the term "Jew's harp" is probably racist.
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A fathers day lesson on how kids just don't care about you. They don't care about you at all. They'll go out of their way to hurt you through lies and deception every time.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
I decide to spend my summer reading a classic story about young boys scrappin' and yellin'. I also begin the long journey of navigating a minefield of racist language. Sit back and enjoy an American classic.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
One story about appreciating the morons you live with by comparing them to even worse morons.
And another about why you should never screw over a freelancer.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.feedbooks.com/book/4040/the-red-fairy-book
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We also learn:
- Ben actually likes being in the office again.
- Glen's is starting to think his lawn work is a compromise in his dignity
- Gretchen is trying to get crows to give her gifts
- Ben is finally as ignorant as Glen, and he doesn't like how it feels
Go read the books yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/ghostbusters-the-original-movie-novelizations-omnibus/9781789094664
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A story about the failure of quantim computing... because it has 'down-time' like the weather? Oh well.
Also: I get to fight with a bug who kept crawling around on my screen- that's probably pretty fun for you to hear.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://manybooks.net/titles/variousother09Thoughtcrime_Experiments.html
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a couple of books:
The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle - by Stuart Turton
Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls - by Ann M. Martin
We also learn:
Ben is back on his job
Glen's lawn and unicorn riot are the only things keeping him sane
Gretchen keeps taking her segment to the max
Glen's dad won't stand for abstract talk about his 1959 Peugeot 403
Go read the books yourself:
The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle
https://bookshop.org/books/the-7-1-2-deaths-of-evelyn-hardcastle/9781492670124
Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls
https://bookshop.org/books/claudia-and-the-phantom-phone-calls-9781338642216/9781338642216
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Took a break during the protests in my city before recording this episode. I was hoping that the story would be a nice break, but nope. The hero of our story is a jerk to the very end.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/day-of-the-moron-9781530351428/9781530351428
Listen to Miette's Bedtime Story Podcast here:
https://www.miettecast.com/
Follow Miette on twitter:
https://twitter.com/miette
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a couple of books:
- Dying Every Day: Seneca at the Court of Nero - by James Romm
- The Great Alone: A Novel - by Kristin Hannah
We also learn:
- Ben Gets to keep his job
- Glen's neighbors LOVE his lawn
- Gretchen is taking her segment to the next level
Go read the books yourself:
Dying Every Day: Seneca at the Court of Nero
https://bookshop.org/books/dying-every-day-seneca-at-the-court-of-nero/9780307743749
The Great Alone: A Novel
https://bookshop.org/books/the-great-alone-9791158511159/9781250229533
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
An opinionated and sexist jerk decides to make all his employees take an intelligence test. Because he's convinced 'morons are going to blow the building up'. We get to learn a lot about unions too... ugh.
Also, I tried to have my window open so you could hear the soothing sounds of life outdoors like Miette from her 'bedtime stories' podcast. But that'll go south pretty quick when you have drunk neighbors.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/day-of-the-moron-9781530351428/9781530351428
Listen to Miette's Bedtime Story Podcast here:
https://www.miettecast.com/
Follow Miette on twitter:
https://twitter.com/miette
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This is that last book that anyone who is going insane from quarentine should ever read. But I did.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-yellow-wallpaper/9781680920703
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a bunch of books:
- Sapiens - by Yuval Noah Harari
- The Woman in Black - by Susan Hill
- Ringstones - by Sarban (John Wall)
We also learn:
- Ben is worried about losing his job
- Glen decides to start smoking a pipe
- Gretchen gives us another chance with a new gardening tip
- Glen is deeply inspired by Michael Jordan
- Ben refuses to admit he's afraid of losing his job
Go read the books yourself:
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind
https://bookshop.org/books/sapiens-a-brief-history-of-humankind/9780062316110
The Woman in Black: A Ghost Story
https://bookshop.org/books/the-woman-in-black-a-ghost-story-9780307950215/9780307950215
Ringstones
https://bookshop.org/books/ringstones/9781627553605
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
We learn about an idolater who will do whatever it takes to get the gods to listen to his prayer... Just like Michael Jordan.
Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/wonder-tales-the-book-of-wonder-and-tales-of-wonder/9780486432014
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A man finds a town where people only die when they hear a voice calling their name- and somehow he manages to ruin it.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/540
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a bunch of books:
The Sparrow - by Mary Doria Russell
My Work Is Not Yet Done - by Thomas Ligotti
We also learn:
Ben's free and easy lifestyle may be over soon
Glen learns that making carbonated milk isn't worth it
Gretchen pushes back on criticisms of her gardening tips
Glen hates his new cat
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
I read a weird, proto-Snow White story, where only one dwarf seems self-aware and the witch dies in iron dancing shoes.
Also, my love of Josh Gad died when he sexualized himself.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/540
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a bunch of books:
- Behold the Dreamers - by Imbolo Mbue
- The witches of New York - by Ami McKay
- In the House upon the Dirt Between the Lake and the Woods by Matt Bell
We also learn:
- Ben has a REALLY nice set of legs
- Glen needs a more 'Adventurous Palate'
- More gardening tips from Gretchen!
- Glen is obcessed with Josh Gad
- Ben might start dating people on Goodreads
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
If you're powerful enough to keep a deathless man in your closet, why can't you do it again when you boyfriend frees him?
Also, there's a Babba Yaga appearance for almost no reason.
Enjoy
Go on, read it yourself: https://www.feedbooks.com/book/4040/the-red-fairy-book
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
Using the power of being a brain in a vat to destroy your enemies.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.feedbooks.com/book/4808/all-in-the-mind
Go listen to Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom Podcast:
Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/moaning-myrtles-bathroom/id1430595555?mt=2
twitter:
https://twitter.com/myrtlebathpod
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
This week we talk about a bunch of books:
-
The Blind Earthworm in the Labyrinth by Veeraporn Nitiprapha
-
he Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson
-
In the House upon the Dirt Between the Lake and the Woods by Matt Bell
-
Witches of New York by Ami McKay
We also learn:
-
Ben can't video date because you can't work your pheromones over zoom
-
Glen might have Covid?
-
Gardening tips from Gretchen! * Glen gets alpha on his neighbor
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.
A scrappy gum-shoe figures out a crime. Nothing matters anymore.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.feedbooks.com/book/3474/arson-plus
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
The story of a group of people in Australia who have six months before the end of the world.
This week we learn:
Ben LOVES not having to work,
Glen breaks his social distancing rules and hangs out with his neighbors,
No tips from Gretchen,
Glen needs to develop a pre-flight list for the show that includes taking care of dead mice.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Beach-Nevil-Shute/dp/0307473996
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
What do you do when you're the sole survivor of a bloody battle? Chase after women.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.feedbooks.com/book/1628/gods-of-the-north
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
What starts out as an annoying customer turns into a game of cat-and-mouse.
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.feedbooks.com/book/696/hunted-down
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
The story of a group of people in Australia who have six months before the end of the world.
We learn:
- Ben is basically jobless
- Glen has nothing to talk about except how he hates his new cat
- Gretchen has pro-tips from George Washington
- Glen thinks Meg Ryan is 'comely'.
Go on, read it yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Beach-Nevil-Shute/dp/0307473996
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
In the future, when you have a baby in a 1/1 population system the watch-word is 'sacrafice'.
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.feedbooks.com/book/912/2-b-r-o-2-b
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
You ever want to see how a wealthy, media mogul lives in the future? Yeah, me too. Turns out? Living in a studio apartment is the coolest thing about being rich.
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.feedbooks.com/book/477/in-the-year-2889
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
Episode Summary Well the book turned out even worse than we expected. Like, really worse. It's already about incest, but somehow managed to one up it's own self.
We learn:
- Ben is going insane from working at home
- Glen has nothing to talk about thanks to quarentining
- Gretchen has pro-tips from George Washington
- Glen and Ben decide that reading the second flowers in the attic book might not be a bad idea.
Go on, read it yourself:
Flowers in the Attic
https://www.amazon.com/Flowers-Attic-40th-Anniversary/dp/B07RK47YK1/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=flowers+in+the+attic&qid=1585631213&sr=8-4
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
I read a really good short story about two girls living in a haunted house, then found out that Levar Burton beat me too it. He saw how successful I've been in the podcasting game, and he wanted a piece of the pie.
Go on, read it yourself:https://kellylink.net/specialists-hat
You can learn more about Kelly and her work on her website:
https://kellylink.net
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
Jerk, Anthony Boucher, tries to go for the brass ring of writing a good time-travel-paradox and fails pretty miserably. Also, my daughter told me I mispronounced "ennui".
Go on, read it yourself:Transfer Point
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
Episode Summary We read a proto-twilight. But instead of vampires, it's the unholy lust between brother and sister
We learn:
- Ben finally gets to work from home
- Glen has nothing to talk about thanks to quarentining
- Gretchen barely has advice for us this week
- Glen doesn't understand the nuances of social-distancing.
Go on, read it yourself: Flowers in the Attic
Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com/ for show info.
Virginia Woolf's stream of consiousness style of writing isn't the best for reading out loud- but at least it's not as sexist at the last book.
Go on, read it yourself:Monday or Tuesday(both stories are in this book)
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
A dystopian story about a world where women rule over men, and the most sexist thing I've ever read. It barely even makes sense.
Go on, read it yourself:Love Story
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode Summary We both actually like a book for once.
We learn:
- The receptionist at Ben's work is as good as dead
- Glen has nothing to talk about thanks to quarentining
- Gretchen has NO advice for us this week
- Glen reveal's his hip-hop name
Go on, read it yourself: Station Eleven
Contact: Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music: Intro/Close Music: Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music: ‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
Two short stories from the early days of Phillip K. Dick's career (before he got good)
Go on, read it yourself:The Eyes Have It
Beyond the Door
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode SummaryWe continue to torture ourselves with the third episode of Stephanie Meyer's second offering to the 'Twilight Saga'.
We learn:
- Ben has ex-girlfriend trouble
- Glen has a non-emergency happen with his ex-girlfriend
- Gretchen kinda starts talking down to us
- We're just really excited for the St. Patricks Day parade.
Go on, read it yourself:New Moon - The Twilight Saga
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro/Close Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music:‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
A non-eventful conclusion for non-eventful book... but at least it stayed consistently 'cute' all the way through.
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Mr. Smith makes a comeback... and it's STILL a boring chapter
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
With a chapter title like that, you wouldn't think that it would be a 'hilarious take' on suicide.
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode SummaryWe continue to torture ourselves with the second episode of the second installment from the "Twilight Saga".
We learn:
- Soft bristle brushes are recommended, but Ben's mom never gave him any
- The apocolypse opens up opportunities to buy more Pledge for Glen
- Break-ups never have to end for Ben
Go on, read it yourself:New Moon - The Twilight Saga
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro/Close Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music:‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
The story of a young man navigating his way through a minefield of love... Still.
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
We continue to torture ourselves with the first six chapters of the second installment from the "Twilight Saga".
We learn:
- Ben can't break up with his girlfriend
- Glen hurt his foot with expensive running shoes
- Gretchen's cat is a real handful
- Ben tries to break up with the episode and fails at that too
Go on, read it yourself:New Moon - The Twilight Saga
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro/Close Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music:‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
In this episode we learn:* Glen has a VERY attractive woman try to break into his garage * Ben's coworker is delightfully racist * Glen learns that a favorite catchphrase is actually just creepy * Weirdly, no one mentions Gretchen's all oral tips
Go on, read it yourself:Crystal Singer
Contact:Website
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro/Close Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music:‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode Information:Charlotte Babb began writing when she could scribble her name on a chalk board, although she sometimes mistook "Chocolate" for "Charlotte" at the drug store ice cream counter. She brings to any project a number of experiences, including work as a web designer, technical writer, washing machine gasket inspector, cloth store associate, girl Friday, computer tech, and telephone psychic.
She has studied the folk stories of many cultures and wonders what happened to ours. Where the stories are for people over 20 who have survived marriage, divorce, child rearing, education, bankruptcy, widowhood, and love's last kiss? She writes them.
Support this author by downloading ’Maven's Fractured Fairy Tales’ for yourself. Use coupon code TY55U for your purchase.
Learn more about Charlotte Babb at these sites:
- Amazon author page
- Smashwords
- Books2Read
- Website
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Go on, read it yourself:In Persuasion Nation
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro/Close Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Review music:‘Double Violin Concerto 1st Movement – J.S. Bach (4:17)’ by: Jon Sayles
Download the it here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Music:Intro Music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Intro/Close music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Go on, read it yourself:Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Intro/Close music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Go on, read it yourself:The Swineherd
Little Match Girl
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Intro/Close music:Two Arabesques (Deux arabesques), L. 66 by Steve's Bedroom Band Music
Download it here
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode Information:Charlotte Babb began writing when she could scribble her name on a chalk board, although she sometimes mistook "Chocolate" for "Charlotte" at the drug store ice cream counter. She brings to any project a number of experiences, including work as a web designer, technical writer, washing machine gasket inspector, cloth store associate, girl Friday, computer tech, and telephone psychic.
She has studied the folk stories of many cultures and wonders what happened to ours. Where the stories are for people over 20 who have survived marriage, divorce, child rearing, education, bankruptcy, widowhood, and love's last kiss? She writes them.
Support this author by downloading ’Maven's Fractured Fairy Tales’ for yourself.
Learn more about Charlotte Babb at these sites:
- Amazon author page
- Smashwords
- Website
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Background music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode Information: Sarina Dorie has sold over 150 short stories to markets like Analog, Daily Science Fiction, F & SF, and Orson Scott Card’s IGMS. Her stories and published novels have won humor contests and Romance Writer of America awards. She has about forty books up on Amazon, including her bestselling series, Womby’s School for Wayward Witches.
A few of her favorite things include: gluten-free brownies (not necessarily glutton-free), Star Trek, steampunk aesthetics, fairies, Severus Snape, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Mr. Darcy.
By day, Sarina is a public-school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep.
You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website:
www.sarinadorie.com
The best way to stay in contact with Sarina Dorie, hear about what she is writing, know when she has a new release, or books offered for free on Amazon is by signing up for her newsletter.
http://eepurl.com/dEd4oL
Support this author by downloading ’Interstellar Tech Support’ for yourself.
Learn more about Sarina Dorie at these sites:
- Website
- Amazon author page
- Smashwords
Contact:
Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Background music:
‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Episode Information:This is a story that has stuck with me over the years since I had previously read it for an old podcast. Jason was nice enough to let me read it again and it's still just as good.
If you would like to hear a far more professional version of this story, be sure to listen to audiobook.
Support this author by downloading 'Falling For Q46F' for yourself.
Learn more about Jason Werbeloff at these sites:
- Amazon author page
- Newsletter- subscribe to get 'The Solace Pill' free, as well as VIP access to Werbeloff's latest fiction:
- Website - want to read about the philosophy behind the fiction? Take a look.
- Goodreads
- Smashwords
- Soundcloud
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Background music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
In this episode* Glen gets two gifts from Ben, and has nothing in return * Christmas town is on this year * We're REALLY looking forward to a break
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/16134
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
In this episode We hear about Ben's work party * We find out that you CAN'T* clean your own teeth professionally * Glen will be baby stting another man's guinea pig for 10 days * Both are burnt out from months of reading horrible books and are looking forward to a break
Contact:Website
Instagram
Twitter
Email: glen.nuzzles@gmail.com
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/5061
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
In this episode * Glen gets to keep his job * Ben is romantically frustrated * Glen learns sexism from Columbo * Ben is going to make his holiday party the most sexual party
We also have a new ‘all oral’ tip from Gretchen, and a cat that walks like a man.
Go on, read it yourself: Buy 'Belong to Me' on Amazon.com
In this episode* I KNOW I'm LATE on releasing this * I still don't know if I'm going to lose my job * I cant pronounce the the characters names in this story
Go on, read it yourself:http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Inte.shtml
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
In this episode* Glen has decorated the blanket-fort for Ben * We get a new 'all oral' tip from Gretchen * Ben gives his opinion on how to treat people you meet on dating apps * We hear about Ben's war on Christmas at his work
You can also listen as we halfheartedly review a book so tedious, Glen had to read it twice just to understand the most basic points of the story.
- Ben is going to stay crippled until April
- We finally found a name for our segment with Gretchen
- Glen is probably going to lose his job
- Kidney stones are STILL a thing
- Ben's phone is blowing up with women
- Being able to see the future really isn't that hard if you're vague all the time
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/31547
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
- Learn how to prevent kidney stones here.
- Find out if you're eligable to donate blood.
- See why warewolves hate vampires
Go on, read it yourself:https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/31547
Reading music:‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’ by: Kimiko Ishizaka
Download the album here
Read about Don's Firing here.
Buy Don's book (he needs the money).
Reflect on a man's career by watching the first 'Coaches Corner'.
Go on, read it yourself: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51171
Reading music:
‘Variatio 9 a 1 Clav. Canone alla Terza’
by: Kimiko Ishizaka
h4Download the album here:/h4 <><>
https://music.kimiko-piano.com/album/j-s-bach-open-goldberg-variations-bwv-988-piano
We review the first half of incoherent ramblings by one of hockey's greatest sports commentators. Also, for some reason, Ben wants me to draw a picture of his mom.
Let yourself be lulled to sleep by the story of a kid who's disciplined thoroughly though he was never that bad to begin with.
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This week, I read 'A School Story' by M.R. James - and 'The Monkey's Paw' by W.W. Jacobs. Because authors with two initials is always terrifying.
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We were bored reading it, and it resulted in a boring episode. Enjoy
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Another creepy story for October about a crabby man who's getting used to being single.
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Did you ever want a creepy uncle to read you a bed time story? Now you can have it.
The best bedtime stories are scary ones. Tonight I'll read to you a story of restless skulls and a headless woman that likes to bite feet... Weird.
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I'm going with spooky short stories for the month of October. And I'm starting with a 'fun' little story that involves teenage suicide. Because public domain books age like milk.
Enjoy.
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We picked the most extreme example for our first romance novel. Two mountain men find a near-dead woman and... revive her. For about 3 days. Then they all marry and have kids. So weird.
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Wrapping up the story with a shocking ending to Sybil's brother, and Dorian himself.
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It's been 18 years and Sybil's brother is FINALLY trying to get revenge.
-
He nearly gets Dorian, until he realizes that he looks too young.
-
One of the creepy women points out that Dorian doesn't age- so James is BACK on the hunt!
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Dorian blackmails an old friend to get rid of Basil's body. Which explains why no one likes hanging with him.
Harry's back! And just as sexist and smug as ever.
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In this episode we learn that Dorian is older, and he avoids his old gang.
We also see that when he feels sorry for himself- he is capable of anything... I mean ANYTHING
(murder)
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In this episode we learn:
-
The war against God was not as exciting as we thought
-
The 401k industry is still operating like it's 1970
-
Dust can be anything you want, any time.
-
Glen got his girlfriend sick, and he refuses to feel bad about it
-
The only thing the subtle knife can't cut? Love.
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What did we learn:
- Oscar Wilde uses the N word
*Dorian gets obsessed with a book for no reason
*ALL of chapter 11 is just filling up the pages with lists of things
*This was 'Iron Heel' levels of painful reading for me...
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In this episode we learn:
-
The author has an obsession with 'pocket buddies' in this book
-
Ben's phone shatters when he thinks of his mother
-
Apparently we don't feel 'uncomfortable' with each other any more
Enjoy
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Basil wants to see the picture. Dorian won't let him. That's the whole chapter.
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Whoops- Sybil's dead. Dorian's worried that he doesn't seem to care until Harry goes on, and on about how he wishes everyone he's bored of would die. That makes Dorian feel better.
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It was Ben's idea to read this book. The only book to ever make me angry while just trying to read it.
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The guys go see Sybil's performance and she sucks.
She sucks so bad, that Dorian breaks off the engagement and spends the rest of the chapter wandering around feeling sorry for himself.
Then he finds that his painting is looking pretty evil.
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This chapter is basically just one, big, conversation around a dinner table where Dorian talks about his undying love for Sybil. And Harry goes on, and on, philosophizing about hedonism... Again... Like every chapter.
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In this episode we review the self help book by comedian, actor and prosperity gospel author, Steve Harvey called ‘Jump: Take the Leap of Faith to Achieve Your Life of Abundance’. And it was terrifying.
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Sybil LOVES Dorian, and goes so far as to keep calling him 'Prince Charming'- which would drive most people up the wall.
Sybil's brother thinks Dorian sounds like a turd- and says that if Dorian ever hurts her, he will kill him.
Sybil's mom just hopes that Dorian is rich.
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Good news: Dorian is in love.
Bad news: He really hates Jewish people.
Lord Henry is getting jealous, and gets really fussed when Dorian wants him to meet his 'ivory' girlfriend.
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We review 'The Golden Compass' movie - a movie so bad, that we barely talk about it.
Also, Glen has disappointed Ben's mom.
Enjoy.
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Did you ever want a creepy uncle to read you a bed time story? Now you can have it.
In this story we learn that you should always invite ALL the fairies. And if you see a sleeping woman- kiss her. She's just asking for it.
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Still trying to win over Dorian, Lord Henry invites him to his aunt's house to let him watch as he wow's everyone with stories of hedonism. And it works like a charm.
We also learn that marrying American women is something the creepy English guys are really into lately.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 11 - 15 of 'The Subtle Knife' by Philip Pullman.
In this episode we Learn:
-
Ben has a new job!
-
Will's cut won't heal
-
Glen has invented the concept of the 'house shirt'
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Did you ever want a creepy uncle to read you a bed time story? Now you can have it. In this episode we learn the story of Baba Yaga- an evil witch that lives in a house with a chicken leg. We also learn about Vasilisa, a girl with a living doll that she actually has to feed. Which means the doll has internal organs. Ugh.
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Like any sociopath, Lord Harry tells Dorian he's only good for his looks, which won't last, as a way of getting him to have sex under the guise of embracing a 'hedonistic lifestyle'. Ugh.
This Dorian into an existential crisis where he says he would sell his soul to have the painting get old while he stays young forever. Then, he takes off with Harry to go see a movie. Leaving Basil alone to cry.
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Thanks to the artist, Bazil, talking up Dorian so much- Lord Harry Wotton is obsessed with meeting him. Basil won't share and the two bicker about it until Lord Harry remembers his aunt knows the guy. The awkward butler shows up and ruins everything.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 6 - 10 of 'The Subtle Knife' by Philip Pullman.
We learn that:
-
Ben didn't like going to Target with me
-
If you're not the guy with the 'subtle knife' you might as well kill yourself
-
Ben's mom likes my other podcast better than this one.
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There were flies in my basement, which is gross and I didn't want to record anything. So I've included two short stories that I had pre-recorded for the 'Cultured Bumpkin' podcast:
'The Quarrel Between the Dogs and the Cats and Between the Cats and the Mice' by Jean de La Fontaine
And
'My Financial Career' by Stephen Leacock
Be sure to listen to the 'Cultured Bumpkin' on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts:
iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cultured-bumpkin/id1441593958
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/jacob-phillips-103249813
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I read one story about a boy with a deadly imaginary friend- and another about a tiny, vengeful God.
Enjoy
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 1 - 5 of 'The Subtle Knife' by Philip Pullman.
We learn that:
-
Ben had a nice weekend he didn't think to tell us about until halfway through the episode
-
Phillip Pullman decided to tie up the loose ends that we talked about in the last book
-
Ben doesn't think there's enough bears so far
-
Both our dads were Pabst-men
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Just as poor Gregor begins feeling human feelings toward his sister- he gets snubbed by three hipsters. After his family says they'd be happier if he were dead- he does just that.
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Gregor is getting the hang of being a bug- but things go south when his sister tries to take down his Farrah Fawcett picture.
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We decided to torture ourselves by reading Sean Penn's book because we thought it would be 'fun'. And it wasn't. At all.
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You know what's weird? Waking up as a giant beetle, and not being so grossed out that you don't stop worrying about getting to work.
You know what's weirder? Your boss showing up at your house to see if you're faking sick.
Enjoy.
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The chapter is only 3 pages, and serves to let you know how badly their revolution failed - and hints that poor Avis is captured as she stops mid-sentence.
Finally DONE!
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Ernest is BACK! And creepier than ever as he takes Avis's unconscious body up to the roof of the hospital to romantically watch an air balloon battle. We're almost done people. We're almost done...
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Lots of killing- thank god for Garthwaite or else Avis might have been one of the mass of people who were swept into Lake Michigan.
Enjoy.
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Avis is a mole now- and instead of worrying about her own self, she spends all her time wondering what Ernest is up to.
The battle in Chicago has been found out- so Avis and some guy named "Hartman" head there to try to help.
There's a lot of racist name-calling of the train's staff. Oh, the classics...
And street urchins seem to have psychic knowledge of when battles are about to happen.
Enjoy.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 18 - 23 of 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman.
In this episode we find out that bear-fights are way cooler than wizard fights.
Ben's coworkers read 'picture books'
Daemon sex, is the hottest kind of sex
Ben wants to see how Glen's dating 'plays out'
And that half of the characters problems wouldn't be problems if they'd just use the golden compass more
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Ugh- Ernest makes Avis pretend to be his sister when they travel… He’s going too far with his kink. We also learn that basically nothing has changed with society since chapter 1. Great. Nice “revolution” guys.
Enjoy.
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Avis does such a good job playing into her husbands fetish that he doesn't even recognize her.
They capture a rich man's son and brainwash him only to have him die of Pneumonia when they release him.
Enjoy.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 14 - 17 of 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman.
In this episode we learn:
- Ben won't tell us about his week
- Turks are jerks
- Ben would rather order something from Target online, than walk 6 blocks
- Lyra could have avoided being abducted if she just used her awesome compass
Enjoy.
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We find out that Avis has to dress up and act like another woman because Ernest has a fetish. ’Frisco Reds isn’t a baseball team- they’re murderous anarchists. And Jacksons whiny lawyer is a coward to the very end.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 10 - 13 of 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman.
In this episode we learn about:
- Glen's failed date
- How a car crash can emasculate you
- That Ben isn't respected at work
- That Lyra doesn't use her awesome compass very much
Enjoy.
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Avis and Ernest are in prison- but that doesn't stop all the texting. There is page, after page of description of the mountain. And we end with Avis sleeping in a hole. Genius. Oh, and terrorists are 'ol softies.
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Ernest tries to do a 'magicians exit' and it doesn't go well. And that's pretty much it. That's what Jack London considers a chapter.
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Well, everything falls apart. I don't think even Ernest would cluck his tongue that this mess.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read chapters 6 - 9 of 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman. Enjoy.
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Have you ever wanted to hear what two middle-aged men think of Young adult novels? Well now you got a couple of book boys to do that for you as we read the first 5 chapters of 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman. Enjoy.
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Labor unions have nice homes, good schools, wide lawns... and guns. Also, Jack London gets a little racist on asians and Florida is called a 'waste-place' where Native Americans pray to their gods. Ugh.
Enjoy.
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This episode isn't worth listening to. Ernest just goes off on another tangent for the millionth time. We learn that Being in a union isn't a 'seat in paradise'. Which was weird. Oligarchs love art! That was surprising. And that they will build 'wonder cities'. Which doesn't seem so bad.
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We get an economics lesson. But not from Ernest this time- it's just the author flat-out telling us directly at this point. There's a war between the US and Germany, and the socialists 'kinda' helped.
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Oh the poor bishop. First he's sent to an insane asylum because he keeps scooping up prostitutes in his "broham", and when he gets out he helps an old women with her pants while obsessing over potatoes. But then he runs into Avis and Ernest- and once again his life goes into ruin.
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Bad news: Avis's dad lost his house. So the gang has to move to a San Francisco slum. Good news: Ernest marries Avis! Though, their pet-names for each other are horrible. And there's a bad poem.
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Finally we get a chapter where Ernest isn't talking all the time. Avis's dad's book gets blacklisted. So that stinks. We got some kind of action with the socialists fighting the oligarchs and we learn about a group of 'rabble-rousers' called the 'black hundreds'.
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In this chapter, I had a guest as my temporary Pete for the evening. The story continued with Ernest STILL TALKING at the small business owners and it's the most boring thing on earth.
Enjoy.
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Ernest makes... ugh... another speech. This time to whiny small business men. And that goes on for pretty much the whole chapter. Also? The word "combinations" is used way too much. I don't even know what to say at this point. It's eight chapters of one character talking too much.
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A priest rounds-up prostitutes, and tells everyone about it. But the media won't say a word. Ernest called it. And Avis is impressed. I'm really hoping the story starts at some point soon...
Enjoy
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In this chapter we find that Ernest might have to find a new place to squat. Avis's dad was told to go on vacation- possibly without pay. Avis's world crumbles around her as all her friends are tired of her going on, and on about her new boyfriend (though we barely get to hear about it) and worst of all... Ernest was offered a job.
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In this chapter we learn that Avis is being "made love to" by Ernest both 'violently' and 'awkwardly'. And that there is very little holding her back from bragging about it in a crowded room. And we also learn that he is capable of having a one-sided argument against the best that high society has to offer.
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In this chapter, Avis, after touching base with Ernest, sets out to confront the rich. She's disappointed by how they don't care about the mystery of Jackson's missing arm. She also sees Ernest as the living Christ, and just wants to comfort him- which is weird.
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In this chapter, Avis is on a fact-finding mission to get the "real story" from a man who lost his arm in a machine accident. She meets the lawyer who represented him, and slowly realizes that he's a secret pirate. Boy is she going to have egg on her face when she has to tell big, beautiful Ernest that he was right all along.
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In this chapter, Avis' dream comes true when her father invites the gorgeous, and intellectually perfect Ernest Everhard (ugh) to dinner again. He battles with the last, remaining priest that will talk to him, and Avis barely talks. But when she does, an armless man wanders by the dining room window and Ernest dares her to talk to him.
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My inaugural episode, where I hit with a punch and dive into a reading of "The Iron Heel" by world renown "clam pirate" and "fish master", Jack London. Ahead of his time for writing a dystopian novel from a woman's perspective... Kinda, which tells the tale of a socialist revolutionary who argues a lot at the dinner parties he's invited to- and keeps getting invited back for some reason. I guess they made a play out of this.
In this episode we're introduced to our narrator, Avis, who tells us about the night her dad invited the handsome, intellectually perfect, and known turd Ernest Everhard (ugh that name) over for dinner. Where he spends the night arguing at priests.
Enjoy
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